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thithesandofferings · 18 days

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Title: Be-comings of Ardor- pt. 3

Synopsis: Raian is tired of waiting.

Tags: 18+ MDNI. Choking. Raian being nasty as per usual. Masturbation. PnV Fem! Reader, whos absolutely obsessed with Raian.

Authors Note: Tumblr made me repost this twice and im so heated. Thank you @hoe4rairai for the gif because they wouldnt let me do anything else... This was supposed to just be practice but- yknow some things dont always pan out that way

"C'mon- take my cock Master" He sneers. Its mocking and it only makes you clench tighter. "Cant-fuck- thought you could take me" Raian grins maniacally when he fucks roughly into you at the same pace as your hiccuping cries. Its about time he got you to shut up. All those desperate looks and stupid fucking questions just to have you exactly where you belong. Underneath him. Worshiping him with your tight wet cunt.

"All that big bad hero talk and now you're whining in my pillow"

"Hips up, I want to dig deeper into whats fucking mine. C'mon" He's laughing gleefully as he fucks into you, hips bruising from the force of his cocking driving into you. "You said 'please' so take what i fucking give you".

You dont know how much you can take, he's already come inside you more times than you care to count. Heated and slick and gushing out of you in embarrassing squelches, but you still hold your hips higher for more. No matter how badly they're shaking.

"I know" Raian mockingly coos "Is it starting to hurt? Hm? My Master having a hard time taking her demons cock? You want a break?" You cant even consciously nod before he's yanking you up against his chest and pounding you harder. He's holding you by your throat, keeping you upright. You're useless to try and do anything else. Warmth pulsing around him at his words. Doesn't help that he's right. And that you want him to keep going.

"Asking all those stupid-shit you're tight" fucking questions" He's growling as he moves your bodily so easily the way he wants, pressing you back down into the bed and holding your neck firm as he grounds into your g-spot. Laughing over your sobbing

"It's what you get for blue balling me all this time. You know what you did- so you'll be punished for it. Be grateful that your cunt even gets my cock"

Maybe you shouldn't have teased him for so long.

It starts small. Things of this nature usually do. Pieces of puzzles clicking and echoing in victory when they are launched into each other. It makes sense. Those pieces. For you and your demon are one in the same now. Hearts synced to beat together no matter location or time. It slows when you drift off to a dreamless slumber, and very nearly beats out of your bones when it trips over itself to catch needed blood flow. All you can think of is him. Every waking moment catches the scent of his ash. Makes the words clog through your throat when he walks pass. Tongue heavy with an itch that needs to feel- to taste.

You think at some points he very well may be able to read your mind. But it wouldn't be surprising when your souls are encapsulated to one another. The heated looks begin, and for days you feel scorched and burned. It wouldn't be so bad if you didn't return them in tenfold. You are unashamed at your desperate perusal over his body whenever you get the chance. Though you don't say much and you're strong enough to not need protection, when you do ask him things- it gets his blood bowling. His cock throbs when you look up at him and ask if he can open a fucking jar.

You? A human that has murdered countless of your kind just to greedily get your hands on him. You ask, pretty and pouting when you look up at him, if he can open a jar of pickles for you. Knowing that if you squeeze lightly, you could break the whole jar. It nearly makes him want to bend you over the counter, fuck that cute expression of faux helplessness into sobbing cries of his name. He doesn't care if there are onlookers. Let them see the demon claim his prize.

But he wont do it just yet, he wants to see what his quiet little master will do. Wants to see if you'll beg for it.

You didn't know why you were teasing Raian. He was in fact, a literal demon. But you couldn't seem to get passed the power trip of you having a practical shadow by your side. After the match you two were pretty inseparable. He was just a hair breath a way at all times. Except when you slept. Raian practically let no one touch you on the battlefield. Or anywhere really. The growling would begin and the heat would start to permeate through his hands. And you were not pressed to stop him. The Kure clan hardly gave you looks anymore and they practically ran to get out your way. And you're perfectly fine with that. Even getting closer to him just so you can have your piece and quiet.

It becomes a problem. Him. Raian. He becomes a problem. An insufferable tease. Passing by you so closely, just so you can feel him drag his weighted length against your back. Doesn't even say excuse me. You find that you don't want him to. He's a dick to you, but that really is just part of his nature, not something you can help when you're one of the most powerful demons on Earth. He makes you feel dirty for just staring at him. Especially because you know that he knows how much you want him.

You find that at night its keeping you awake. Heart racing, but you know its not your doing. Its his. You can hear him through your shared wall. One forced upon you once you got the demon. You hear the heated hiss and growl. Hitting his head on the wall when you know he's grabbed his cock tight. Slick sounds permeating both your rooms. He's vicious, talking to you through the wall. Knowing you're listening. "cant wait till i get my hands on that little cunt of yours" "Been practically begging me with those stupid eyes" "I'm going to fuck you into the ground, but i wanna hear you beg before you do it"

You don't really help your case, especially when you whine against his groans. Clenching your thighs when he talks like that. No one has ever spoken to you so disgusting before. So ashamedly. You've never had someone want you to this degree. You shouldn't be so excited about this prospect, but you were never the most sane to begin with.

When you finally get up the courage to go to the demon, he's talking to some of his clan members. You stand there, staring at the purpling veins clinging to muscle under his skin. Blonde hair damp from one of the fights he'd been in. Perusing and devouring his figure so greedily, you don't care if anyone notices. He's mid sentence, giving instructions that make your tummy quake, when you utter the word please.

The archaic demon freezes at your soft utter, you cant tell if the followers even heard you. He shoves them out of the way just to come as close as possible, chests touching and it almost scares you. How much his smile is so wide its cracking his face, his eyes turning red in the need to devour.

He quick to grab your face, you dont even try to stop it. You're tired of waiting.

"Knew it'd be a matter of time before you fucking begged for it."

#i-#no excuse #like i was supposed to just be writing pretty but...#anyways #raian x reader #raian kure #kure raian #kengan ashura #kengan omega #thithesandofferings

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paradisecursed · 5 months

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(( The one from vellissiamemes: 4, 12, 14, 21 ))

VELISSIA'S MUNDAY MEMES.

4. Favourite thing about roleplaying?

The sheer creativity that comes with, effectively, playing pretend for grown-ups. I love the yes and nature of it, I love bouncing off other writers to find a special kind of story I wouldn’t have been able to make on my own. Roleplaying is writing at its most enjoyable for me.

12. Have you any old muses that you’d love to bring back?

Asterion the minotaur (actual mythology, not hade/s). tori/el was also always a muse i had fun writing on tumblr. Maybe one of my d:a.e.t. muses? Or chimera nina tuck/er because me still straight up not knowing what happens in f.m.a but picking her up anyway because i thought it was cool as hell is funny? Hard to say for absolute certain since i keep a majority of my muse history at play on discord so i don’t really feel like i’m bringing anything back.

14. Who is an author that inspires you?

Published author? Brian Jacques. I was deeply influenced by Red/wall growing up. His prose definitely informs mine.

Unpublished author? @fooltarot . Their writing has left a huge impact me over the time we've known each-other and I strive to achieve a similar level of quality in my own craft.

21. Are there certain characters that you gravitate towards?

Holy fuck I wish I knew. My muse range is so expansive & strange that I label it as more of an ecosystem. This blog vs cogsdotink is like the perfect encapsulation of how utterly bizarre & nonsensical my muse taste is. yknow I rped a piece of a gui/lty ge/ar stage scenery once. Not a playable character, not even a backstory npc. I don’t know gg’s lore & didn’t care to learn (until maybe now because i bought strive today bc faust is making go snrrf. sniff). just straight up something that plays as a short film in the background. Watch here.

#worldofpuureimagination #ask .#ooc .

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taegularities · 4 months

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I love reading your work so much and I can always tell that you put so much effort and patience and love into every single word that you share and it shows off so well that I get giddy thinking about the fact you’re sharing all of this to us for free🥲🥲🥲

I’m going over your master list right now and scattered stars is next up and I’m so excited to see what’s going to unfold😊😊😊 you literally have such a great gift and I honestly think you’re not appreciated enough for the writing that you do.

You’re one of my top 3 writer blogs for bts ff (sadly the other 2 are inactive😪) but you give me the same amount of joy reading your newest works that they did when they were active and honestly how lucky am I to say I have found multiple blogs with extensive masterlists and stories that touch my heart🩷 I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done since you joined tumblr🫶

But back to your penmanship, you’re literally so talented I feel like I’m growing brain cells as I read bc you’re able to encapsulate emotions so well that your stories literally play out as movies in my head (sweetener replays in my head even when at uni during a lecture🤭) I also believe you deserve so much more love than you get

i'm literally speechless, like.. :( writer or not, i do not have the words to express how grateful i am. your message made me all giddy!! thank you for appreciating me like this.. i feel so lucky for so many of you who do show me their kindness and support me in everything i write and do. i'm genuinely only still here bc people like you never stop drowning me in love, and i swear if i could, id hug you and never let go 🥺 and to be one of your favourite blogs? please 😭 so damn honoured.

i miss sweetener so much!! and i'm squealing bc i didn't think anyone would still remember hehe so it's so cool to know that you still think of it and perceive my stuff like movies in general!! i try my best <3 and as long as you can spare some love for me, i'm absolutely happy. adore you so much 🤍

#growing brain cells lmaooo pls 😭❤️‍🩹#also oh my gosh!! i hope you like(d) scattered stars!!!!#notes for rid 🌹#anon

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bettercostume · 9 months

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never have I ever had such an intense love/hate relationship with an athlete/celebrity/public figure/whatever as I do with Neymar 😭 like he’s genuinely one of the dumbest men alive and also a horrible guy but I’m such a nostalgia merchant that I still love him and feel like he had so much more to give to football :/ I know there’s a lot of other talented players out there and I like a lot of them but idk if I’ll ever feel the same *spark* I felt when I first watched ney at santos/barça. sorry to bring this to your inbox I know the transfer is a few days old by now but it still makes me sad. I hope Bayern dunk on psg in the next CL 🫶

hi anon its fine can I show you where I am:

youtube

laliga being a lil bitch as per usual but the sheer number of videos like this i used to hoard in my bookmarks to watch over and over because watching neymar made my chest explode into glitter. I started watching Ney because my partner at the time was a brazilian dude who was obsessed with neymar and santos so i was like, alright, I'll try. and then I really saw Neymar. my feelings now are all a result of the weird combo of circumstance and emotion: it was the time, the place, the community i found online for fcb. funnily enough I don't remember watching a single game with my boyfriend, other than a few clasicos i watched with him and one of the only nice madridistas i've ever met irl, i know he was there but he's just out of frame in these memories, i was so focused on the game and then the after party, coming on tumblr and talking with other people who loved him and barca the same way. it was important to me. Ney and his meet cute story of being able to play with Messi, the way he moved, his skinny little legs and embarassing insta uploads, the way he and dani would dance in spite of the ire of the spanish crowd....man.

i am a professional nostalgia merchant lmao so im just here to enable you. think nostalgia is an extremely beautiful human instinct, because while it is born from loss, it is kind of remarkably warm. a gorgeous rosy encapsulation of the best moments of something, cherry-picked for your own soothing, for brightening your internal world and doing that double-dip into being in love. for a moment you can just catch the edge of what it felt like, truly, before it slips away and fades into a softer re-imagining: the past, and you're still here. Neymar has been faded and soft for me for a while because I'm seven years older and more present in the real world, not the love-world of watching him, but I still would see him play sometimes with a dismal psg side and it would be back, that love, the embarrassing pull of it that defies logic. so I am also going to mourn this and then make dumb jokes about it and then also get kind of mad at the colossal waste because it's all a part of it. its always fine to bring this to me. what else are we on this goddamn website for!!!!

take care of yourself <3

#anon

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attonitos-gloria · 1 year

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What does your "st. clarity" tag mean?

ah! this is a good question. short answer: it's the spiritual tag. st clarity is one of my favorite songs of all times and a constant prayer of mine.

i've never been able to understand this song as anything other than a love declaration to a god you have a hard time knowing. it opens with "well, that's how i see you when i see you from below" and then it sings "i don't know you, but i know what you do." i've spent my life wondering how it's possible to know god at all (i grew up in a very evangelical conservative home, i'm still a Christian, after everything, despite everything, or maybe trying to be a Christian; failing spectacularly most of the time) and trying to make sense of my own personal experiences of ecstasy and despair and loneliness and above all deep, deep longing. i think it's my favorite song because it encapsulates the experience of knowing god as the utter, final mystery holding all the things together? a presence very solid and inevitable and inescapable even in silence? a light so bright that you often can't quite look directly at it, only at the things it's illuminating? and it... illuminates everything? i think this is harder for christians, who like to have the final word about things and about god, in particular, and we historically like to gatekeep god. and this song reminds me of a place in which having the final word about god is not at all necessary. it reminds me of a god whose work is love, and who can only be known through love, the stubborn reality at the core of all things, because after all is said and done and studied and explained and justified away, this weary world is so, so loved, it was created in wonder and grace and love, and though it is painful and sometimes things feel really hopeless, it is worth loving, every bit of it, until the end, and every human matters, like, endlessly, simply by virtue of existing.

which, i can only ever see things from this tiny limited perspective from below but. i see it and cannot ignore it.

and then sometimes i stumble upon things on tumblr that remind me of this, and i put them in this tag. i don't have a very clear criteria? i'm kind of liberal with tagging - it's more a feeling than anything, as if i'm walking in a foreign city alone and i listen to someone speaking my mother tongue from afar, and i go 'oh, home'. i think it's a recognition moment, things that ache in me, or bring me joy, in a specific tone? this is why the tag is kind of messy. because my mind is chaotic. i'm very sorry about this, and about my tagging system, overall

#st. clarity #i wish i could say i am spiritual but not religious #but thats not true!!! i am religious! very!#i think being spiritual comes with practice.#and this tag is full of attempts reminders and prayers about it

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catcze · 2 years

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Hi there! Super duper quick, but I’m going to go on a break / hiatus for the next week or so!

I’m sorry its kind of sudden (or maybe not idk) but yeahhhh–– there are a few reasons! I won’t go into too much depth, but I don’t want to just dip out for a bit without proper explanation (unlike the other times i’ve gone on hiatus)

But that’s utc tho bc even if i say i won’t go into too much detail i am still, at my heart, a chatterbox lmao

Original Navigation Post !!

For one, i think I’ve started to look for validation in tumblr too much? Like,,,, I’ve never been one to need validation before. But recently I feel like I’ve been seeking that out in tumblr which, when I look back on it, feels kind of funky to me? And obviously it’s not wrong to look for validation on here, that’s not what I’m saying. But just for me personally, it feels strange and debilitating to rely as heavily heavily as I do on things in this way, so i kind of need to distance myself for a bit.

This next one isn’t really much of a surprise at this point, but it’s kinda obvi that I’ve been lacking motivation and inspiration to write. I’ve probably written less than 10 things in the last two, maybe even three months. I just I don’t like the things I try to write, and I like them even less when i try to force myself, which sucks so much because I receive so many good, breathtaking prompts in my inbox, but i feel like I can never do them justice, but at the same time i don’t want to post the prompts with me just, like, screaming and keysmashing yk? Bc i feel like that can’t properly encapsulate just how much i love the things I’m sent. So yeah I really do miss being able to look back on the stuff I write n go ‘holy shit I actually made that? Whoa’ and I kind of need to get myself out of this funk for a bit bc I hate it.

Lastly, as I’m sure some of you know, finals have been whole rough recently. I only got out of its chokehold, like, a few days ago, and I’m jumping right back into the fray on January 3. Safe to say I’m still tired from the whole thing that was hell week, and I just need time to sorta, like, exist in my own space for a bit.

After I post this, I won’t be answering any asks until I get back, and I’ll be deleting the tumblr app from my phone to distance myself from the site for now. Though I might come on eventually to catch up and read some fics, because I’ve barely been reading or supporting any kind of fics recently, which i feel super guilty for. So if you see me rb fics, they’re all queued up!

I’m super sorry I won’t be around for the holidays or for New Year’s, but I hope everyone enjoys :DD I’m sorry that i won’t be able to actively provide a safe space for you guys who view the blog as such, or that I can’t be a listening ear or someone to talk to in the coming days. But still, feel free to send me things in my inbox while I’m away. Brain rots, thoughts, life updates, whatever you’d like! I might not be able to respond to each ask individually, but hopefully being able to type something out and sending it my way will be able to bring you comfort of some sort <3

Anywayyyy so, like, yeah :D I’ll get going for now. Thanks for 4.8k followers so far, even though I’ve been really lacking on content these past two months–– I’ll try to write at my own pace while I’m gone, maybe finally do those event prompts and answer some really old asks. Hope everyone has lovely holidays and a lovely new year, also! Much love n much smooches babes <33

#important !! 🐈‍⬛#If there’s anything i need to know asap send an ask and I’ll eventually see it #or if you have my genshin uid (moots send an ask/message if you’re on asia server n u wanna play <3) feel free to hmu there!#Also I want to clarify that no one is at fault for my burnout; @ the people in my inbox always feeding me well:#u guys are amazing n please feel free to keep sending me stuff both while I'm on hiatus n when I come back <3

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palimpsessed · 3 years

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I have a question for you because you are SO GOOD at analyzing awtwb. Can you explain the “is this what people do?” Thinking that Simon is going through? Most of the things he goes through I see reflected in myself or people I know, but I haven’t seen that before. I would love to know all your thoughts on that?

Hi, Anon! Thanks for sending this ask and for your kind words about my analysis. ❤️

I would love to talk about "is this what people do"!

I'm going to give you my take, and then I'm going to include some thoughts from a friend who isn't on tumblr. Let’s dive in!

Simon asks "is this what people do" because he truly doesn't know what people do. He knows how to be a Chosen One, but he doesn't know how to be a person. He's spent the bulk of his life up until this point as a weapon. He understands how to fight, how to protect those around him, how to sacrifice himself, but he doesn't really understand living for the sake of living. In my answer to another ask, I talked about how Simon doesn't know how to be at peace. I think that's applicable here, too.

Part of what Simon struggles with so much in the time between the end of CO and the beginning of WS is how to live without having a defined purpose, a "mission". He's lost a lot of things that he allowed to define his sense of self, and now he has to sort out who he is without all of that. We see him start to make progress with living for the sake of living in WS: going on a roadtrip to a place he's always wanted to see; being silly and flirting at the Renaissance Faire and walking around with his wings out; flying over Utah, getting to feel the wind in his face and under his wings. But most of the time, he's still struggling with being at peace—living without a mission. Living for himself.

The WS epilogue tells us: "This is what happens if you try to hang on after the end…the pages go blank...Simon Snow's [story] is over." There's no established arc for a hero post-final battle—there's no set narrative or expectations for this point in Simon's life and he's struggling in the uncertainty of it all. He's also struggling with the lingering trauma from years of neglect, exploitation, and violence.

There's a reason the gang literally goes off the map in WS—there is no guide for this part of their journey, and, at least for Simon, doing the "normal" expected thing at this time (getting a flat, going to university, making new friends) isn't working for him. He doesn't have any idea what to do with his life now—this part was never planned out for him. As a child in care and then a boy soldier, Simon never had agency over himself. He was responsible for the fate of the World of Mages and saving all of magic, but he wasn't ever allowed to be responsible for himself. I don't mean that Simon doesn't know how to take care of himself—I'd argue he's the most self-sufficient and practically-minded of the gang because of all the time he was left to fend for himself. But Simon is going out into the world as an adult and there isn't someone else to tell him what to do anymore. (This is something we all face at some point growing up, but it's definitely more extreme in his case!) Don't get me wrong. Being in control of his own life is a really good thing for Simon, but it also leaves him without any idea of how to navigate through life. Someone else has always been there to give him orders or to give him a plan, but we see all of the plans in WS fall apart.

In AWTWB, Simon tries move forward with a new plan—one he thinks is best for everyone—fracturing his relationships with the two most important people in his life while also attempting to make a clean break from magic. It's the wrong thing to do, even if it's something that needs to happen. From the end of CO to the start of AWTWB, Simon chooses to do nothing, because he's afraid. Then he does the wrong thing, also out of fear.

Instead of fighting, which is what he's always done before, Simon allows fear to keep him from acting, allows fear to drive him away from what's important. Simon didn't fear dying as a child in the course of his heroic deeds, but he does fear a future spent with the people he loves (it's "frightening"). He fears it because it’s “uncertain” and he doesn't think he can hold onto it (“I never believed I’d get to keep you”). He doesn't think he has a right to try.

"Is this what people do" is Simon trying. It's him trying with Baz, specifically. Simon is scared because he and Baz are in unknown territory, and he cares so much about making things work between them. He knows how much there is to lose. He just doesn’t know what he needs to do to hold on to Baz. He doesn’t really have any idea what a healthy relationship looks like. I know I’ve seen discussions about how Simon never had proper relationship modeling. (@mostlymaudlin has addressed this and other aspects of Simon’s previous relationship experience with Agatha in this post that is highly relevant and I also just recommend it.) Yes, Simon has prior experience with Agatha, but he didn’t know what he was doing in that relationship either and he tells Baz that his experience with her doesn’t come anywhere close to his feelings for Baz. With Agatha, Simon saw a nebulous “happy ending” without knowing what that happy ending was going to look like, nor how he was going to get there. He has no idea of the reality of a healthy relationship or how to do the hard work to maintain it. This is what both Simon and Baz are learning in AWTWB.

When the refrain comes up, it's always in response to a milestone that Simon and Baz have crossed in their relationship, from (practically) moving in together to being intimate.

Simon is mentally taking a step back and looking at his relationship with Baz. He's looking at the things they're doing, as a couple. Things they've not managed to do before, or things they have done that he hasn't given himself the space to process—something he admits he never did with Agatha. Simon asking the question "is this what people do" encapsulates so much: Is this what life and love looks like for other people? For us? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? What we're supposed to be doing? How do I feel about what’s happening now? What do I want to happen? Is this how two people love each other?

The ways in which the refrain shifts over the course of the book show us how Simon's thinking shifts as his relationship with Baz progresses. And at the end, the refrain has changed from a question into a statement. Seeing the first and last occurrences next to each other tells so much of the story of Simon's growth.

Chapter 38:

Is this what people do when they're in love? Do they just keep touching and talking? And then what? Like what is it all leading to? I don't mean sex, I mean…

If I knew what I meant, it wouldn't be so frightening.

I'm living second by second.

Chapter 82:

This is what people do.

They get close and try to stay there.

They stay.

They keep trying to hold on to each other...this is what they do. They keep trying.

…This is what people do. This is what we'll do. Baz and me.

…"Stay with me."

"I will."

This shift in confidence is subtle, but it is such a big deal! Simon has gone from not being able to think about the future at all to promising Baz that he will stay with him and keep trying in their relationship. He's answered the question for himself!!! He’s figured out how to try for Baz. The thing is, in the end, it really doesn’t matter what “people” do. It matters what Simon and Baz do, because they’re the ones who are doing this together, for each other. They have plenty of time to figure out how “what people do” is going to look for them.

Now I want to add some thoughts shared by RooBadley in the conversations we've had about "is this what people do". I always appreciate getting Roo's take on things, and I completely agree with them on this. (Do yourself a favor and check out Roo's AO3 if you haven't already.)

"the subtlety of [is this what people do is] a reflection of [Simon’s] queerness/a touchstone universal queer youth experience (is this what it's supposed to be like? I dunno, I've never seen A Person Like Me get to have a happy/healthy/normal relationship). Is this what (queer) people do? Am I doing it right?"

and...

"I've ruminated more on that statement as reference to the queer experience and I feel like there's more evidence to support that reading. we know he's had sex with Agatha (and he's woke/attentive enough to know about peeing to prevent UTI's, so clearly he knows what straight, penetrative sex is) and there's that lovely line at the start about Dr Wellbelove giving him the birds & bees talk, but leaving some things out (I love that bit) And he's so confident when he's talking with Baz about having had sex with Agatha, like, he knows what they did. It's just with Baz that he's suddenly in self-doubt "is this..." Land"

Reading this take from Roo about a universal queer youth experience definitely hit home for me. I think Rainbow did a superb job of speaking to multiple experiences with Simon’s journey and in treating that journey with so much care. I think it’s amazing that we get to see this part of the story, this aftermath and healing, because it really isn’t part of the established story arc we’re used to and it really should be. Like you said in your ask, Anon, we’ve all had lived experiences that help us see ourselves in these characters, and to watch them struggle and persevere and succeed is incredibly important.

If anyone has anything they’d like to add on, or another question to ask, as always, please feel free to do so! I will never get enough of talking about this book! ❤️

#asks #awtwb spoilers #is this what people do

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im-just-a-random-fandom-girl · 3 years

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trying to articulate my frustrations with Marvel’s treatment of female characters and characters of color

Hi, hello, hola, bonjour. I've been having a lot of thoughts about Marvel’s lack of diversity and of how they treat minority characters, so I'm taking a page out of Luisa’s (@its-tortle) book and just making a long, rambley post to get it all out.

Please bear with me while I try to encapsulate all of my frustration within the limitations of English language.

(ALSO, I'm white. I’m Spanish-American, but I do not have the ability to speak for fans of color and the other grievances they have. This post is just a combination of my own thoughts and what I've heard other people say on Tumblr, in YouTube videos, in articles etc.)

Now that we've had over week to collect ourselves after the WandaVision finale, because it was such a tearjerker and the end of a true masterpiece of a show, we really need to talk about how Marvel treats their their characters of color and female characters. I'll specifically be looking at Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, and Monica Rambeau.

Let's start with Sam.

Until Monica Rambeau became Photon just a few weeks ago in WandaVision, Sam was THE ONLY Black superhero in the MCU.

He first appeared in Captain America: The Winter Soldier 7 years ago in 2014, and he's been in 4 movies since then (not counting the post-credits of Ant-Man).

Let's see what we know about Sam in the MCU:

He was a pararescue airman in the U.S. Airforce

His wing-man, Riley, died in combat, prompting him to leave active duty

He works at the VA to help other veterans adjust to civilian life

That's it. This is all we know about his backstory, separate from Captain America. However, the MCU decided to include these parts of his backstory, (and exclude others) because they make him a better supporting character to Steve.

Sam's a vet - so is Steve. They have the same, early-morning run routine that alludes to strict military training. Steve is still new to the future and hardly knows or approaches anyone, but Sam is wearing his VA sweatshirt, so there's some sense of connection, one that is furthered when they talk about their beds being too soft. Sam is someone who can understand him, aside from being a super soldier.

Riley, Sam's wingman, died in combat - Hmm, haven't heard that one befo - oh, wait. *Bucky waves from the abyss of the Alps*. Yeah.

I'm not saying that these connections are bad, in fact, I think the opposite. In terms of storyline, these connections are incredibly important for their friendship. Steve is lost and alone in the future. No one he knows cares about him for any reason other than the fact that he's a super soldier, nor can he relate to any of those people on any level. Sam just fits. He's funny and kind and although they are 60 years apart in age, he can, to some extent, understand what Steve is going through in a way they no one else can.

But for the last 7 years in the MCU, all he's been is Steve's supportive friend.

Almost immediately after meeting Steve, Sam is dragged into an end-of-the-world battle. He readily agrees to put his life on the line to fight by Captain America's side. After SHIELD falls, Sam gives up his life for 2 years to help Steve find Bucky. When they find him, Sam, without a second thought, becomes an international fugitive to protect Bucky and Steve.

I mean, he practically says that he lives in Steve's shadow himself:

"Don't look at me. I do what he does, just slower."

Who does all this? Seriously? Sam is also a recovering vet. He, in theory, has a life, a family, a job, his own mental well-being to consider, but he immediately gives it all up to help Captain America, to follow in his shadow, to be his back-up and support in every battle. Marvel wrote him as a 2D character that lacks his own identity and agency.

Sam deserves his own storyline; he deserves to exist outside the orbit of Steve Rogers.

What Mackie has been able to do with the character is astounding. He took Sam off the page and truly brought him to life, turning him into a beloved character. I'm ecstatic that both Mackie and Sam finally (hopefully) get their time to shine in TFATWS, but it should have happened WAY sooner. Marvel has continuously overlooked Mackie, despite how much he brings to the movies and despite the significance of Sam as the only Black superhero. It's just so clear that they do not care about representation.

(And let's not start with the whole "Bucky should be Captain America" thing, thanks)

Next, let's talk about Natasha.

Nat has been in the MCU for 11 years, starting with Iron Man 2 in 2010. She was heavily featured in an additional 6 MCU movies (not including small cameos/post-credit sequences). She's one of the few female superheroes in the MCU, and the only one that's been there since the beginning. Nat was the only female superhero for 4 years until Gamora appeared in Guardians of the Galaxy.

Let's see what we know about Natasha's history:

She's a former KGB operative and assassin, trained in the Red Room project

When she was a part of the Red Room, she was sterilized

Clint Barton got her out of the Red Room and converted her to a SHIELD agent

THAT'S IT. The second point is actually nauseating because this is what she says to Banner when we learn about her infertility in Age of Ultron:

"They sterilize you. It’s efficient. One less thing to worry about, the one thing that might matter more than a mission. It makes everything easier — even killing. You still think you’re the only monster on the team?"

Like, actually, what the fuck? I remember watching this scene and having to rewind because I thought I mis-heard what she said. In truth, Natasha is probably referring to the terrible things she was forced to do as a KGB operative are what make her a "monster," but why in the world would they include this anecdote here?? It's just so distasteful and disgusting! It makes it seem like her infertility is what makes her a monster, perpetuating the misogynistic belief that the center of a woman's identity and purpose is to have children.

As Vox says in this article, the subject of Nat's infertility

"rears its head sub-textually when Black Widow sacrifices herself for the Soul Stone. [...] It’s reasonable for Natasha to make the calculation that Clint’s kids deserve to have a dad when they come back to life after the Avengers complete their “time heist.” But because of that Ultron plot, there’s also an insidious implication that Natasha’s infertility renders Black Widow just a little bit more disposable than the rest of her teammates."

Furthermore, Nat's death in Endgame serves for nothing more than motivation for the other characters working in the time heist, WHICH ARE ALL MALE. Even then, the other characters talk about her death briefly (in a mostly unaffected manner), and by the end of the movie, she's been pretty much forgotten about, completely overshadowed by Tony Stark.

I don't want to say that Nat shouldn't have died in Endgame. It caused me so much heartache and emotional pain, but I truly believe it was a great way to end her arc. CinemaWins on YouTube put it best:

"She needed to save her family, Clint included, finally wiping the red from her ledger. So much of her jouney in the MCU was trying to find her purpose, figure out which side she was on, and she finally feels like she's found it, just in time to die for it.

"It's not wrong to feel cheated by her death, [but I think] she deserved this moment because of it's importance."

She says it in the movie:

"I used to have nothing, and then I got this. This family. And I was better because of it."

Nat shouldn't have to die, but it's on her terms, and she is absolutely ready for it. Saving her chosen family... that is her purpose.

But altogether, over the course of the MCU, Natasha was cheated out of getting the storyline she deserved. Like Sam, she was relegated to the position of the supportive friend of Steve, but also of Bruce and Clint. For the audience, her identity is tied to this role that she plays. The identity and motivations she has independent from these other characters, her history, is skimmed over, and treated with immense disrespect.

It took 11 years, but it is thrilling that Scarlett Johansson finally gets to be the start of her own Marvel movie. There is no way that Black Widow will be able to completely make up for her and Natasha's mistreatment by the MCU, but I hope it will at least bring us some closure and allow us to have a better understanding of Nat's history and who she is away from the other Avengers.

Last, but certainly not least (despite what WandaVision may have you believe) is Monica Rambeau.

I spoke about this last week after posting about this review of the show, but it bears repeating.

Monica is a new character. You'd hope that, after 11 years of extremely limited diversity in the MCU, much to the dismay of fans worldwide, and after recognizing this and creating a movie with a cast like The Eternals, Marvel would try to get their shit together across the board.

Nope!

Monica was seriously the token diversity character of the show. It seemed like they would give her more depth after the episode during which they flashed back to the her during and after the snap, losing her mother, and seeing a little bit of what she's done as an adult since Captain Marvel, but that ended up being the most we got.

But why? Monica literally became a SUPERHERO. She became Photon! She deserved a much greater role in the show, especially in the finale, where she instead had maybe 5 lines and just stopped some bullets for about 30 seconds.

As the review I linked says,

“There are so many black writers, fans, and critics noting how Monica got relegated to a complete lack relegated to meaningless best friend protector lacking in their own self agency and story except for making a shoehorned comparison of grief.”

Marvel made the same, bull-headed mistake that they made with Sam with Monica!

Let's do this again. Monica was snapped away for 5 years, and when she was snapped back, she learned that her mother had died. Losing someone you love and having the whole process of mourning and pain be complicated by the snap? What an interesti- oh wait. *Vision phases his head through the wall with a smile*

The only reason we got this backstory was because it made her a more sympathetic character towards Wanda. Her understanding of what Wanda is going through allows her to be the catalyst in the creation of the ideological fork in the road between herself, Darcy and Woo, who see Wanda as a victim of grief and loss, and Hayward and the rest of SHIELD, who see her as a dangerous threat.

How do you make the same, major mistake that you've been making for the past 7 years again? Guess what? You don't! Maybe it's not intentional, but Marvel, again, clearly doesn’t care enough about their characters of color to consider the roles they relegate them to in the MCU, realize what they've been doing is harmful, and then change it.

Hopefully, they will not continue to treat Monica this way and will remedy this in the next Captain Marvel.

In conclusion: MARVEL GAVE A FUCKING ROBOT AN ACTUAL ORIGIN STORY, A RELATIONSHIP AND MORE INDEPENDENCE THAN ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS.

But in all seriousness, Marvel needs to be help accountable for how they treat women and their characters of color in the MCU. I just looked at 3, but you could also make a similar argument about Rhodey, Hope van Dyne and Valkyrie, as well as Jane Foster, MJ, and Ned, although they are supporting characters and not superheroes. And I'm sure there are many others. Marvel (and Disney!!) has had an awful track-record, and change is long overdue.

#fuck marvel #fuck disney #sexism and racism in marvel #minorities in minor roles #thank you for coming to my TED talk #discussion #fatws #wandavision #sam wilson #natasha romanoff #black widow #monica rambeau

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literaticat · 3 years

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Hi Jen, I was wondering what would be your tips for knowing if an agent is the right fit for someone, what kind of expectations newbie writers should have, what kind of questions to ask, because I know writers need an agent but I still don't quite understand the extent in which an agent aids a writer in, so I fear signing with someone and it being a big mistake, thank you in advance.

This is a LOT of questions, and kind of encapsulate like, the entire point of this thousands-of-entries-long tumblr. I could write a book about this question! Let me see if I can just do VERY SWIFT answers, and for more in-depth, you can look at... *gestures at entire Tumblr*

How/to what extent does an Agent aid a Writer: Your agent is your advocate and fiduciary. They only get paid when you get paid - so they really want you to succeed. Some of the things your agent will do*: Help you polish your work, sell your book to publishers, negotiate your contracts so that you are getting the most fair deal possible, make sure you are getting paid correctly, chase money when you aren't, sell your subsidiary rights (so that your book might come out in other countries, or as a film, or whatever) -- they play "bad cop" and have your back when a publisher is being out of pocket, they give you support and answer questions and basically... help you! In lots of ways. Throughout the entire publishing process. They are on your team.

* (or at least TRY to do - we can't guarantee that we can sell your book, but that's the goal!)

How do you know if an agent is the right fit: What you can do is research. First start by looking for agents who do the kind of books you do / want to do. (Look on QueryTracker - get a month long subscription to Publishers Marketplace - look in the acknowledgements of books you love - Google your fave authors and see who reps them - lots of ways to get these names.) So now you have a list, right? Now, look up each of these agents websites. See if they are actually still at that agency, and open to submissions. See what is on their "wish list". You will soon be able to narrow the list some, because some people either won't be open, or won't want what you are writing. Now, when you have a good list, you'll start to have a sense of the agent's style and personality based on their favorite books and other clients and how they are on social media (or IF they are). Read some interviews with them. Etc. If an agent really does NOT seem like a fit for you for some reason - don't query them.

If you do query them, and they offer representation, ask if you can speak to some of their clients. (Of course their clients may be kinda biased because usually, they like their agent! But hey.) Of course at the end of the day - you can't REALLY know what it is like to work with somebody until you work with them.

What should authors expect from an agent: Your agent should be trustworthy and straightforward. Hopefully they either have lots of experience selling the kinds of books you write, OR if they are newer, they are with a reputable agency that has that experience. Some agents are more intensely editorial than others - some are more "business-person"ish and some are more casual - everyone is different, you know? So if you are having a call where they are offering you rep, you will have the opportunity to ask them questions.

There are lots of lists online of "questions to ask an agent" so I'm not going to put them all here but basically, I'd want to know what their feelings are about MY book, where they see it in the marketplace, if they think there are changes to be made -- how they like to communicate, what does the submission process look like - -what they value in a client.... How does their agency handle foreign rights -- etc. Lots of questions! (Usually these calls last at least an hour - and they will be giving you A LOT of information, so you might want to take notes while it's happening!)

I fear signing with somebody and it being a big mistake: I'm going to float a bold idea: Despite what many folks say -- this ISN'T akin to a marriage. You don't have to be besties with your agent, and it isn't Till Death Do You Part. It's a business partnership. You want to trust them and feel comfortable talking to them - you have to communicate well together - you have to be cordial to one another - but you DON'T have to go on vacation together or braid each other's hair or finish each other's sentences. There are plenty of people I know in a business setting, that I trust and respect -- that I don't necessarily want to hang out with on the weekend. Just something to keep in mind - that "right fit" doesn't have to mean BFF.

And if you DO need to break it off for whatever reason down the line - it's really OK. That doesn't mean that they OR you are "bad" or "wrong" -- just sometimes it doesn't work out, but that's not the end of the world.

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in-the-whisper · 3 years

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I'm sorry if this is a common/stupid ask but I fundamentally don't understand religion and I couldn't imagine believing so strongly in anything, but it seems very nice(?) and possibly even optimistic to have a constant like that in your life. so in the sense I think I have an idea of what religion is, what makes you decide(?) to follow it or believe in it? genuine apologies if this comes across as patronizing or condescending, it's not my intention and sometimes I'm just bad with words ':]

dude you are always welcome here and i will never assume that you are being mean you are very sweet <3 i am very happy to talk to you!

ok so i come from a super different background so it’s hard for me to even imagine like not knowing a ton of people who are religious so i will try to explain and then if it doesn’t make sense feel free to poke me and i will try again. also it makes me happy so dont be scared i will say oh! someone asked me about God! yay! and then i will write a silly tumblr post while making this face -> c:

okay so one of your confusions seems to be why i would believe in something so strongly. in a way everyone believes things strongly, some even more than me (i mean look at politics and thanksgiving dinner). i think the reason that my relationship with God in particular is something i feel strongly about is because i derived my faith from my natural understanding of the value of my friends and from my understanding of morality.

i love my friends very much (most people do) and the idea of them getting hurt or mistreated makes me very angry (i think people would agree). and you could make the argument that the reason that i care so deeply about people and justice is because of all the stuff ive been through but i did think this before anything bad happened to me really.

there is a difference between atheist (philosophical) morality and Christian morality. for someone who doesn’t believe in God, there isn’t anybody who is more important than humanity who can tell them what to do. if one person does something, and i don’t like it, all i can say is, “i don’t like that,” and not “you shouldn’t do that.” because im not in charge of them. i’m just another person, who am i to go around establishing moral laws for other people?

but what that /also/ means is that there isn’t any “grounding” or like /reason/ for morality or the value of life other than personal preference. this Really bothered me about my philosophy class, every atheist philosopher did this. they all wanted to say that you could make morality for yourself (looking at you nietzsche). But then what happens? What about when someone is killed? or raped? I want to be able to say, “Rape is horrible.” and not just “Rape is horrible in my opinion.” Anything that doesn’t allow for these like absolute, unquestionable, overarching standards of how people /should/ or /shouldn’t/ live just doesn’t add up imo.

Atheist professor of law at Yale, Dr. Arthur Leff, wrote an article on this exact topic called “Unspeakable ethics Unnatural Law.” The entire thing is amazing and I recommend it, but here is the conclusion:

All I can say is this: it looks as if we are all we have. Given what we know about ourselves and each other, this is an extraordinarily unappetizing prospect; looking around the world, it appears that if all men are brothers, the ruling model is Cain and Abel. Neither reason, nor love, nor even terror, seems to have worked to make us "good," and worse than that, there is no reason why anything should. Only if ethics were something unspeakable by us, could law be unnatural, and therefore unchallengeable. As things now stand, everything is up for grabs.

Nevertheless: Napalming babies is bad. Starving the poor is wicked. Buying and selling each other is depraved. Those who stood up to and died resisting Hitler, Stalin, Amin, and Pol Pot-and General Custer too-have earned salvation. Those who acquiesced deserve to be damned. There is in the world such a thing as evil. [All together now:] Sez who? God help us.

So if I think this is true, if I really believe that death is evil, that rape is horrible, that there are some universally binding and unchallengeable truths about how people ought to live, I have to believe in a God. or i can live in a state of constant existential dread hahahahaha, , I joke but I actually did do that for a while it was pretty miserable.

i think the next question was kind of what made me believe in it? and that is kind of a difficult question because i think in a way Christianity just encapsulates a bunch of things that i already believed, and i just found like a label for them i guess. i also grew up Christian, so for me my experience questioning my religious identity was more like, three people you love are dead why do you still believe in a loving God? Rather than which religion or philosophy do i like the best?

idk maybe they come out to be the same but it doesnt feel entirely the same. i’m still a christian because of sunsets and sunrises and because the world feels beautiful and intentional, and because i’ve been in a lot of pain and it was real. it really happened. it wasn’t in my head (looking at you stoicism). it wasn’t unimportant. there is not if buts ands ors it was just awful and that’s that. so what can explain it? what can explain meaning? only God can.

Christianity is specifically the religion im interested in because it’s the only one i’ve come across that is as internally consistent, historically accurate, scientifically accurate, coherent understandings of the universe.

No other philosophy allows you to grieve. That’s why I believe in God. No other philosophy validates grief that a belief in a loving God, a belief that death isn’t meant to happen, that people are violently ripped from you without purpose and that you are meant to live together forever. It allows for a belief in the value of humanity and grace while also allowing you to believe that things that happen to you that might last with you forever are wrong and not just in your opinion. They were violently wrong, they violated ancient laws of the universe, they were an act of aggression toward God himself.

Ok im rambling now but I will leave you with this, which is what i wrote after finally deciding to remain a christian:

“There are several questions I asked that stopped me from rejecting Christianity.

Where did the universe come from and why does it exist?

Why does our experience involve morality?

Why is there love? (deep love between brothers, self sacrificial love, to die for another love)

Why is there goodness?

There are, of course, answers to these questions under ideologies other than Christianity, but I found their answers to be unsatisfying because to me, the existence of these things screams that there is something more to the universe than an unfortunate accident in a vacuum of uncaring nothingness.

When I listened to music encouraging its audience to live, when I listened to people fight for the lives of those they love, when i watched the sun set, or cried at the end of a deeply touching movie, I would think, “In light of this how can you say there is no God?”

In Christianity I found answers that profoundly satisfied my deepest questions.

There is a universe because God in his wisdom fashioned it to be a beautiful gift. There is morality because we stand in the midst of a cosmic battle between good and evil. There is love because God’s nature is perfectly loving and the fabric of the knowable universe was woven in his loving kindness. There is beauty and goodness because life wasn’t created to be a void and an unknowable miserable darkness.

The true issue with atheism is that while intellectually and technically feasible, it gives empty answers to facets of life that do not have empty realities.

It forced me to ask myself this question: How can such a beautiful, meaningful, tragic world exist from nothing and for nothing?”

#rape tw #rape #griefjourney #grief tw #long post #i specify philosophical morality because atheists by and large dont actually think like this but at an academic level this is how the logic #ends up working out

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alittleemo · 3 years

Text

I wanted to leave valentine asks in all of your inboxes but it’s late and im tired so im making an appreciation type post instead!!!! long post under the cut bc i dont want to subject yall to that lol

@shades-of-blue- faith you add so much positivity to my day and you show so much love for me and all of your other mutuals and i hope you know how lovely you are <3 i love your art series and how positively u interact w your mutuals and followers, and seeing u in my notifications reminds me that other people are interested in what im saying and it really means a lot to me so thank u, sending u all of my love <3

@lunawedlers- audrey you bring so many new movies and shows to my dash and i adore it. you are so kind and supportive of others and your talent is out of this world and it brightens my day to interact w you or even see u on my dash and u deserve the world and all of its beauty. I may have no idea still what the plot of succession is but i thought i saw Tom when i was watching Star Wars the other day and thought of u and i think thats what love is yk? (it wasnt actually him but its the thought that counts <3). i love u sm bestie, im rlly glad we’re friends <3

@12monthoctober- grace you have always been one of my fav mutuals, you show so much consideration for others and your enthusiasm for the AO3 remakes brings me so much joy and u are such a friendly, supportive, and caring force on my dash and i love u and miss u. you were one of my first mutuals and quite honestly in the early months i was on tumblr and we were mutuals were able to ground me and bring me so much joy and ive stolen so much of my music taste from skam nt and the fact we already had similar tastes rlly enhances the vibe. I love seeing u on my dash and on my Spotify bar and i hope u are doing well, i love u sm <3

@lesbeanfatou- clara you provide such a chaotic and kind whirlwind force on my dash everyday, and your boundless love for all of your friends and followers is so wonderful to behold. literally the joy i had in u immediately following me back and interacting w me in the beginning meant the world to me and i hope u know im here for u always. your love for 1d passed on to me and now i actually follow the convo when ppl talk abt them and my sister and bestie love me for it and ive saved too many of ur reaction images to use myself so ty for that too <3 love u queen u deserve the sun and all of her stars

@coffee-and-moo- grace i literally cannot describe how much joy i get from seeing your Star Wars and marvel posts on my dash, u share and encapsulate so many of my fav interests that i feel like we were destined to be mutuals. your enthusiasm inspires me and i love seeing u on my dash and in my notes—i feel like at this point we are equally spam liking each other’s posts and i love u sm for it bc i see posts to rn specifically for u now lol. you are so lovely and sweet and i hope the world is treating u well and i love u <3

@pianoandcookiedoughlover- you’re such a lovely presence on my dash, and it means so much to me that u took time to check on me after some of my rant posts, j the feeling of knowing other people care enough to check in and your calm, rational way of looking at situations was so important to me. im so excited for skam colorado s2 and i hope you’re doing well and ily <3 (also ive taken to calling u honey in my head bc of ur profile pic color/bc u have no name displayed lol but if u would prefer smth else lmk!!)

@maade-of-stardust- val you were my first mutual and literally the rush i got from a person following me for the first time fueled me for weeks. we don’t talk a lot but i love seeing u on my dash and your fics are incredible and deserve so much love and attention considering all of the love you’re put into them. I hope you are doing well, there are so many people who love and care for u and i love u <3

@paint-dreamscapes-on-the-wall- iris you are such a sweet person, and i still havent forgotten how u took time to give me phoebe bridgers recommendations when i didnt expect to get any—your thoughtfulness and excellent music choices really brightened my life a lot. i happened to find skam boston in the middle of quarantine (may or June i think??), and waiting for your updates everyday grounded me and added a sense of stability to my life as i watched graciela navigate her season. u are such a lovely being and i love u a lot <3

@fakieu- aj u are so creative and your sense of humor is immaculate and you have been such a positive influence on me (that sounds weird lmao but fr your calmness and creativity have inspired me and helped me so much). skam dc was the first remake i actually listened to with music, and i j have to say literally my music taste this summer was almost entirely stolen from u, so i appreciate that a lot. I hope you’re doing well and that school isnt beating u down to much, love u <3

@womenstan and @nori-in-pink- we haven’t interacted a lot but both of u are so sweet and the support u have for your friends and the enthusiasm u have for others is so affirming and rlly helped me feel like people cared about what i had to say here. em- it meant the world to me that u actually made something out of my gif suggestions, i have lots of ideas bouncing around but actually seeing them was mind blowing and i loved them. courtney- i love the cheerfulness u bring to my dash and u are such a lovely soul and i hope u are both doing well

#this is rlly long lol #anyways i hope u all had nice valentines days if u celebrate #lee’s bullshit #sorry if theres any mistakes lmao my reading comprehension is barely existent rn

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mystic-kitten-writer · 3 years

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I lovveeeee Zuko & Yue. BUT! I’m a sucker for breakup angst, can you plz write one where they breakup but they’re all sad with out eachother but they don’t wanna admit it 🥺🥺

But like- why do you have to break my heart like this 🥺

Here is me, finishing my finals, and my first drabble is angst LOOL

LET’S DO THIS~

AU: Limerence

Pairing: Zuko x Fem. OC (Ying Yue Jiang)

Masterlist

Salt on a wound.

Their eyes locked, gasping as they spotted each other from across the vast room.

There could be thousands upon thousands of people, but you could bet your own life that these two would still be able to spot each other in seconds. It was the magical connection, everything about them a reflection of each other, down to their racing pulses.

That was the power they held.

Making time stand still as their energy mixed, like tender caresses and gentle hums, something straight out of a romance novel.

So, imagine the looks on all the guests' faces, their chatter immediately dying as they spotted the two ex-love birds silently gawking at one another. Everyone's expressions flattered, Aang shutting his eyes at the apparent twist of pain. The rose-coloured tone of the room quickly changing to a blue.

It was like observing the aftermath of a storm, Zuko and Yue nothing more but broken pieces of their once fabulous selves.

Neither one of them wholly healed, neither one of them genuinely ready to move on, let go.

And ironically, while the pain and utter loneliness were so clearly etched on their faces, Yue and Zuko were oblivious to each other's pain.

Yue could hear the blood rush to her head, the room spinning, as her hands began to shake. The wine in her glass swishing as she bites her lip to stop the tears that lined her eyes. Her heart was beating; her mind utterly fixated on Zuko. She knew she wasn't completely healed from the break-up, but my gosh, now she really knew.

To love someone who already moved on, unbothered. That blank expression Yue saw on Zuko's handsome features, her fingers itching to brush his nose and adorable lips. To surround herself in his steady warmth, to hear the deep rumbles from his chest as he cuddled her close to his chest. She felt so safe, so loved- and Yue choked down a sob.

To think she believed she deserved to be happy.

To think she believed those sweet words from those sinful lips, desperate for those sweet lies.

He said he loved her, that he could never imagine a life without her by his side-

"Yue-" Katara whispered harshly into her ear, holding the hand that cupped her wine to stop it from tipping over.

Yue jumped, letting out a tiny gasp. Katara saw the confusion in her gold eyes. Yue's mind was so disoriented and dark, half-heartedly thanking Katara with a meek tone. It was like her mind was empty, that tiny bit of soul that Zuko didn't manage to destroy finally dissipating.

"Let's go, sweetheart-" Katara urged, her brows pinching together as her voice wavered.

Yue was as pale as a spirit, her bottom lip trembling. And with a dead shake of her head, Yue forced a broken smile.

"I-I'm okay. Don't worry about me."

Katara felt sick to her stomach.

Yue wasn't okay.

She was so far from okay; Katara could feel her blood boil because she could still hear Yue's soft cries. How Yue would lock herself in her room, blaming herself, demonizing herself. And despite knocking, trying to comfort, reassure, Yue would force a smile.

'I'm okay. Please, don't worry about me.'

Katara squeezed Yue's hand, wanting nothing more than to whisk Yue away. To see her happy.

To have her sister back-

Katara shifted her gaze momentarily as she grabbed Yue, a scowl on her expression as she watched Sokka walk to Zuko.

Not once in his lifetime has Sokka seen Zuko as shitty looking as he did now.

The most luxurious of robes, hair tied, handsomely groomed. Certain individuals not hiding their perverse joy in watching Yue break because that meant Zuko was available. And as Sokka stepped closer, taking note of how hollow his cheeks seem, the dark circles under his eyes, did he understand what Yue meant all those years when she said she fell in love with that spark.

Zuko seemed like an empty shell.

A boring nod for a greet, ripping his gaze abruptly from Yue with a thick swallow as they patted each other on the back.

"How are you, bud?" Sokka asked, trying to avoid the obvious, but he felt a shiver run up his spine.

"Fucking fantastic." Zuko sarcastically muttered under his breath with a hiss.

The venom in Zuko's words, a wave of anger.

So much anger, because unlike Yue, who let herself embrace the sadness, the loneliness- Zuko couldn't.

He much rather bask in his self-pity, drowning himself in work to keep his mind off Yue. Because no matter where Zuko was in the kingdom, he would be reminded of Yue.

Baked sweets, flowers, anything pleasant in life reminded Zuko of her. The dark taste of alcohol on his lips - the only means to push her away from his thoughts. A reminder of how disgusting of a human he was to break such a spirit like her. And it didn't help that the people were furious at the news that the pair had broken up. Out-right riots, people carrying signs that said 'Zuko doesn't deserve such a treasure' or 'Like father-like-son.'

Not like they were wrong.

Beauty and the Beast, and even then, Zuko snorted. Calling himself a beast would be an insult amongst creatures; not even the term monster seemed to encapsulate the self-hatred and loneliness Zuko felt.

Not like the royals cared.

Oh, no. There were ecstatic to get rid of Yue from the kingdom.

The next day shoving marriage proposals from 'real' suitors. 'They will treat you like how you should be treated, Fire Lord Zuko,' they happily noted. So why does Zuko feel more empty, dead, than ever before? How a single peck from Yue's pouty lips had his heart racing, blood rushing to his cheeks as he felt speechless.

Zuko's hands balled into fists, eyes scanning over the Northern Water Tribe and Earth Nation's royals. Zuko could tell from their looks alone what they were thinking. A heartbroken woman, easy prey-

They didn't deserve to see Yue's gorgeous eye smile.

Her happy giggles as she snuggled her head deep into his chest before they went to bed. Zuko's eyes would roll to the back of his head, just thinking of her addictive scent. How soft her skin felt under his. Her innocent and genuine heartfelt affections-

"Zuko," Sokka spoke, placing a hand over his shoulder, and Zuko snapped out of his dark thoughts.

Sokka couldn't bear it anymore, no longer beating around the bush, his hand digging into Zuko's robes and wrinkling the material.

"Talk to her, Zuko."

"No."

"And why not?" Sokka provoked, his nostrils flaring in annoyance. The frustration running through Sokka's veins, watching his best friend and sister dance in circles because everyone knew the truth.

A simple conversation, a discussion and this could all be over-

"I am a King; she's a commoner." Zuko disapproved through clenched teeth, spewing utter bullshit that Sokka let out a bewildered laugh.

"That didn't stop you before."

"I've moved on."

"For sure, Zuko. That's why you reek of alcohol and tobacco; Iroh sending letters of concern. That's why Kiyi begged Suki to bring Yue back to the kingdom." Sokka whispered harshly, and Zuko could feel something trickle down his palm.

His nails digging into his skin, beads of ruby falling as Zuko gave Sokka a warning look.

A plead.

Sokka's eyes softened, seeing the vulnerability in Zuko's eyes for that short moment. The look Yue gave to everyone before she burst into tears, her heart shattering as everyone struggled to pick up the pieces.

He was hurting. No matter how much Zuko tried to play it off, Sokka knew better. Everyone in this room knew better. With a tired sigh, Sokka hoped.

"Please, Zuko," Sokka spoke with a weak plead, and Zuko's temper flared.

"Leave me the fuck alone-" Zuko seethed, shoving his friend's hand off his shoulder.

The hushed mutters amongst the crowds, curious eyes watching Sokka fumble back at the explosion. The tension was thick; Zuko's chest puffed as heated flickers of fire left his dry lips.

Anger.

The need and want to scream, to shout. Zuko’s narrowed eyes hastily shifted around the room, searching for Yue- what the actual fuck was he doing?

"I need air-" Zuko growled, twisting on his heels as he wandered towards the large doors that he just entered minutes ago.

"Fire Lord Zuko-" The guards awkwardly fumbled, and with a sharp glare, they got the point. Standing in their spot as the grand doors swung open, only for Zuko to pass.

Everyone watched Zuko's fleeting figure. Walking down the empty hallway with his head hung low before the doors came to closed.

And Zuko let out a bitter laugh.

Alone.

He was alone...again.

Disclaimer: I do not own any Avatar characters besides any original characters I have created.

Cross-posted on Ao3/Tumblr/Quotev/Wattpad to discourage plagiarism.

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#atla #zuko #zuko avatar #avatar the last airbender #zuko x reader #zuko x oc #prince zuko #fire lord zuko #avatar #limerence #masterlist #request #ask me anything #anon answered #like and/or reblog!

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hecallsmehischild · 3 years

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I think enough time has passed that I can safely talk about the planner. I was waiting in case it was just a passing manic phase (where I experiment with something and drop it after a couple weeks), but it seems to be here to stay.

I've been binge-listening to Jordan Peterson's Q&A videos because, well, there's a whole lot of practical and therapeutic wisdom there for free. One of his most frequent pieces of advice to people who asked him about organization or dealing with depression or anxiety was to use a calendar or a planner of some sort.

I brushed this idea off for many years. For a few periods of my life I've tried listing out my to-do's on Tumblr or in my journal, and tried using Google Calendar, but none of it worked for me consistently.

And then Dr. Peterson said something I'd never heard before. He said to not use the calendar in a way that you were both tyrant over yourself and slave to yourself. He said to design the sort of day you would actually like to have.

I took this and combined it with a couple other things he mentioned. First was that if you genuinely ask yourself a question and are truly open to the answer, you will often receive information you didn't know before. Second, that promising yourself a limited task and then rewarding yourself for that task is important, and breaking that contract with yourself in ANY WAY (like doing that task for longer than you said, or reneging on the reward) means that you cheated a part of yourself, and that part of yourself will make it much harder to engage in the task NEXT time you try promising yourself a reward because you no longer believe your own promises.

So I asked myself, "What would it take for me to use a planner?" And the answer came back, "Shiny stickers."

I think I used to love stickers. Memory is hazy, but I was raised in Sunday School, and I'm pretty sure stickers were a reward, either there or in daycare. I'd been thinking about them for a long time, actually, but kind of brushed off the thought as too childish to really make a difference. But this time I decided to give it a try.

So I sorted through a whole bunch of planners on Amazon and looked for one that fit my needs. I picked one that didn't have set days (write in your own date at the top) so I didn't feel bad or wasteful about missed/empty pages. I picked one that included starting your day with a thing you're thankful for. I don't use it enough, but there is a water counter on each page which is also useful for someone like me who is in a constant state of forgetful dehydration. I went out and purchased two sheets of colorful star stickers (much like you would get in a day care or Sunday school) and about four sheets of much larger flower/butterfly/unicorn stickers. Over the first couple of months, I established the rules in the front page:

I get one large pretty sticker if I finish my day.

Fun activities may be exchanged for other fun activities, but not eliminated.

Tasks may be swapped between days.

Here's why this solution is working out fabulously for me:

Even if I don't finish everything in my day, the end of every task is rewarded with a shiny star (or smiley face) sticker, so I'm still REWARDED for completing any number of tasks.

If I finish ALL items on my day, then I get a bigger, prettier sticker, and it is an odd little endorphin rush of satisfaction to do so.

I'm a very forgetful person who lets completed tasks float away into a haze. Prior to this, if you asked me, "What did you do today?" I could have been doing chores all day and would not be able to answer you. This led to years of self-talk along the lines of, "Man, I'm so useless. I don't do anything worthwhile." NOW what happens is that I look at my list and know exactly what I did. In fact, if I decide I want to do an extra chore today, I do it, write it down, and immediately sticker it. I haven't heard the "useless" claim in my head for weeks.

Previously, I just had one To-Do list that continued to grow. I'd knock off a few items, but then think of several more that needed doing and the list would grow again. This lends a feeling of futility to me finishing things on the list because the list NEVER ENDS. NOW, I can choose to put some things on tomorrow's list and some things on the list for the next day. If I remember something that needs doing, I can make sure it's written down sometime in the next 2-3 days, but every day's list has an END.

I'm more encouraged to break large, overwhelming-looking tasks into manageable sizes. How much of my large manuscript can I manage editing today? I can manage one chapter today. Can I manage all the small cleaning tasks today, or one of the big ones? All the small ones (individually marked out on the page). Do I have the time/energy to start a new project? Well, I can at least start X amount of it and feel it out, etc.

I'M NOT A TYRANT TO MYSELF. I include things like gaming, reading, making a wire tree, or baking bread on the list. The things I enjoy doing in my spare time, the things that feed my soul? They go on the list as "fun things" and even if I change my mind about WHICH fun thing I want to do, I don't get to eliminate it from the list if I want that big shiny sticker at the end of the day.

If I don't get to finish a task because it was dependent on someone else who didn't show, I don't sticker it, but I make a note by it and don't count that against myself when it comes time to award the big sticker.

I don't set times for myself because I don't find that to be useful, but I can see how it would be useful to some people. I still don't know what my big end goal is, but I get the feeling I'll know it when I see it. I'm still waiting on that. My current goal is to keep things clean and pleasant around here, to have good relations with neighbors and housemates, to finish making the house functional, and to continue personal growth. For now, I think using the schedule is helping me accomplish all of these. And that's really exciting.

(below, this is not the Q&A but it encapsulates his concept of schedules and goals pretty well)

youtube

#rlchild #schedules #planners #jordan peterson #Youtube

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hood-ex · 3 years

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Hi! Love your blog and your fic! You seem like a really nice person who's also pretty knowledgeable about dc so I thought maybe you could give me some advice? I've recently gotten into Batman comics and have some ideas for fics I want to try, but I've never been so scared to write for a fandom before. There's just so much canon I haven't gotten into and I really want to get characters right. Its also kind of an intimidating fandom to get into. Do you have any tips that might help me out?

Sure, yeah! I totally understand how you feel btw. I was so nervous to start writing fics in this fandom for the same exact reason.

One important thing to keep in mind is that your fic doesn’t have to encapsulate every single trait that a character has across all comics. You can pick and choose a few to focus on.

For example, if I want to write about Damian then I can choose to focus on his brash attitude and his hesitance to partake in something considered fun or childish. I don’t have to include his love of animals, his insane intellect, his tendency to insult/belittle people, his moments of compassion, his desire to be accepted, his insecurity of being rejected/replaced, etc.

Another way to make Damian sound more like Damian is to reference little things about him from the comics. For example, Damian likes to play a video game called Cheese Viking. Throwing that into a conversation will make the readers feel like you know this character on a deeper level (even if you don’t).

What you get is something like this:

“Get out of my way, Todd! The time I’ve wasted on talking to you could have been spent doing far more productive things like getting to the next level on Cheese Viking!”

Also, try and find moments in comics (or individual panels you find) that will give you an example of what a character acts like when they’re happy, sad, mad, stressed, etc. Base your own reactions off of those moments.

For example, if I want to write a scene of Dick comforting someone, I’ll try and find a scene in a comic where he’s doing that. I can then analyze whether Dick uses touch to comfort someone, if he throws a few encouraging words at them, or if he stops and listens to their troubles. Comics are good for using as a base or outline on how you can make a character react to a situation.

Now if you don’t have time to read a bunch of comics to look for that kind of info then I’ll share a little trick with you. There are blogs on Tumblr who post the most important, relevant, and impactful scenes from comics.

My advice to you would be to find one of these blogs that posts a lot of comic panels, type in a character’s name into the search bar of their blog (or look at their archive), and if the blog has a good enough tagging system, tons and tons of panels that have the character you typed in will pop up.

Browse through them. Pay attention to how the character speaks, how they react to certain situations, and how they interact with other characters. Take little notes on their behavior if you want.

Another way to go about this is simply by typing random shit into the Tumblr search bar like “Dick Grayson sad” or “Bruce Wayne fight.” Sometimes you’ll get tons of results to browse through. A lot of it will be art or text posts, but there will also be comic panels included in the search. You can also do random comic issue searches to pull up comic panels for you to analyze. I used to just type stuff like “Nightwing 145″ or “Gotham Knights 37.”

You can also do this with Google images as well as Pinterest. Pinterest has a shit ton of comic panels too. I see them all the time in the Google search results when I’m hunting for a specific comic. Seriously, just pick a comic and start searching for random issue numbers or keywords. Stuff will pop up. Read what comes up, takes notes if you want, and absorb that info into your character building arsenal. That way you don’t have to waste time reading the entire comic, you can just look at the most important bits from the comics and base your characters off of that to get you started.

You’ll start to notice patterns of the character’s behavior and you may even be able to spot whether something sounds OOC or not. The only bad thing about that method is you may not be able to tell if a character is acting OOC based on a panel that is out of context. In time, the more comics you read, the more you’ll be able to deduce whether something is IC or OOC.

Now, obviously, if you’re wanting to write about a specific comic event then you should definitely read the comic to get all the details and to understand what the characters are saying to each other in context.

Anyways, just remember that most people are pretty lenient when it comes to batfam characterization in fics (hence why there are so many fanon takes). Even in canon, the characters aren’t always consistent because they’re written by so many different people who don’t all write them the same way. So you definitely have wiggle room for trial and error when it comes to characterization while you’re still in the process of learning about the characters. Just have fun and experiment! Trust me, it doesn’t have to be perfect at first. And if you’re still hesitant, try and emulate the vibe you get from one of your favorite batfam fics. That will at least give you a place to start.

I hope that helps you out a little! Let me know if you need any more advice!

#batfam #fics #writing #tips #anon

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