time for the thing where i yell about gay wizards Even More than ever before (with my heart, soul, AND ass) get ready
let's gooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
---
[Simon] "Why all the wars? Why did they all start with the vampire raids?"
"The war with the dark things started there," she says. "That should be obvious. I mean, mages and vampires have never got on--we need Normals alive, and they need them dead. But invading Watford, that was an act of war. And it was the first real attack by the Humdrum, too."
ok. my brain is fresh just getting back into this so bear with me but like. it was established that the dragon was under some sort of spell or trance or something when the humdrum sent it to attack watford, right? idk if it's different bc the creatures it sends are like. Creatures. but vampires are just People, so is it maybe not the same for them? is the understanding in the magickal world that the vampires were Working with the humdrum, like he told them to attack and they were like u got it boss, or were they similarly under a spell
bc if it was the latter then doesn't it mean they're like. not Technically at fault. like the dragon
and if they were working with the humdrum, why have they literally never shown up again since then. or are we just missing context here. if there's a war against dark things, as penny says here, then maybe that's implying that vampires and other Funny Guys are doing other shit on the side, just not directly relevant to watford or any of our characters' povs atm
(or MAYBE they were under a spell during the attack and their continued part in the war is because they were blamed for something they actually had no control over??? i mean they ended up having a Lot of casualties that day, what with being burned to a crisp and all that. whatever the reason for the attack was, it had to have been either really worth it for the price, or not even their choice in the first place)
thirdly, does the humdrum actually attack people who aren't simon? there was a point earlier in the book where simon was like "maybe the mage is right and i should leave watford, then everyone else would be safer because the humdrum wouldn't be sending shit to attack the school" which VERY much implies that it only goes after simon specifically
so then like. why would it send a bunch of vampires to attack watford before simon was even old enough to attend 🤔 and going with my theory that it came into existence directly because of simon, it just makes even less sense bc its number 1 fixation during its entire existence is. simon. at least that's what i'm assuming
also, last thing, that bit about "we need normals alive, they need them dead" is another detail highlighting how out of the ordinary the attack was- if they always feed off of normies then Why attack watford
it's all just more clues pointing to there being way more to the vampire attack than just another Humdrum Incident
-
"You didn't hurt Baz."
"Maybe I did--he'd never admit it."
"Maybe it didn't hurt him," she says, "because he's already dead."
"Baz isn't dead."
"Well he's not alive."
"I....I think he is," I say. "He has magic. That's life."
👀 simon????
-
[Baz] When I come back, Bunce is gone. I can tell she's been sitting on my bed again--it smells like her. Like blood and chocolate and kitchen herbs. I'll snap at her about it tomorrow.
lol saving it for later
-
I need to go hunting in the Wood again; the rats are getting few and far between in the Catacombs, even though I try not to take the females.
It's a pain to hunt in the Wood. I have to do it during the day because the Mage brings the drawbridge up at dusk, and I can't Float like a butterfly over the moat every night like I did today; I don't have the magic.
bro get this guy some freakin ACCOMMODATIONS @ the mage i thought ur whole thing was diversifying and opening up the school to anyone w magic u ran ur mouth now WHERE'S ur money
not to get all up in arms abt fantasy boarding school but this guy shouldn't have to be scrounging around for rats down in the Cat of Combs to get by no matter HOW goth he is smH
-
At first it was as if Snow was giving magic to me. Sending it to me. But then the magic was just there. It was mine, in that moment, everything that was his.
All right. I have to stop thinking about it like this. Like it was a gift. Snow would never have opened himself up to me if there hadn't been a dragon overhead....
ehehehehe getting carried away there :3c
I wonder if I could take the magic from him if I tried, but the thought turns my stomach.
Nice nice nice nice love it love this love that for u baz sweetie ur doing amazing
-
"Baz?"
"What." I sit on my own bed, on top of the covers.
"I....can you come here?"
"No."
"I can come over there, then."
I cross my legs and arms. "You may not."
Snow huffs, exasperated. Good, I think.
baz sticks his tongue out at simon in the dark when he can't see
(simon does the same thing, forgetting that baz can see-)
-
"You can't sit on my bed," I say as he sits on my bed. "And neither can Bunce. My bed reeks of intensity and brownies."
"Here," he says, holding out his hand.
"What do you want from me, Snow?"
"Nothing," he says. And he means it, the actual bastard.
LOL LMAO baz freaking out that none of his psychic attacks are working as simon continues to nonchalantly invade his personal space, none the wiser to the effects of his own unintentional psychic attacks,
-
"Are you going to let me do it again?"
"No."
"Then it doesn't matter if it was a fluke!"
Snow's still sitting on my bed. "All right," he says, "Maybe."
"Maybe what?"
"Maybe I'd do it again," he says.
uououghguough 👀 👀 👀
(also the detail "he's STILL sitting on my bed," kfkdjglsdjdkgjdk lmaooooooo)
[...] "What if I turned it against you?" [...] "What if I took your magic, cast it against you, and settled Baz versus Simon, once and for all."
(he said s-)
Snow's mouth is hanging slightly open. His tongue shines black in the dark. "Why are you such a villain?" He sounds disgusted. "Why have you already thought of that?"
"I thought of it when I was still rhyming at the dragon," I say. "Didn't you?"
"No."
"This is why I'm going to beat you," I say.
GFKGJDOJFKDJGKD BAZ
he had to think the villainous thoughts first, to make room for all the gay thoughts later,
"We're on a truce," Snow says.
"I can still think antagonistically. I'm thinking violent thoughts at you constantly."
LOL
He grabs my hand. I want to pull it away, but I don't want to look scared--and also I don't want to pull it away. Bloody Snow. I'm thinking violent thoughts at him right now.
look dude with how twisted up ur thoughts of love and hatred for him are, expressing violence towards him is Basically a confession at this point
-
the way baz is like, trying to defend himself by spitting Violence and Aggression at simon like he usually does, only to be met with simon just. calmly advancing, sitting on his bed, taking his hand, is like. so beautiful. so fucking good. baz is an angry hissing spitting cat and simon is slowly reaching his hand out to pet him and Then (what happens next will warm ur heart)
-
Snow licks his bottom lip and closes his eyes halfway. Is this how he looked this afternoon? Crowley.
LMFAOOOOOOOOO if simon had stood in front of baz instead of behind him that dragon woulda crushed the entire school into rubble
I feel his magic.
At first it's a buzz in my fingertips, then a rush of static up my arm. I try not to squirm.
"Okay?" he asks. His voice is soft.
🥺🥺🥺
HIS VOICE IS SOFT AHGUGGHAUGHG STOP
-
The static in my arm settles into a heavy thrum, like electrical sparks catching into flames. The discomfort goes away, even though the licking, flaming feeling gets stronger. This I know what to do with: This is fire.
👀 HAS NO IDEA HOW TO INTERPRET THIS BUT KNOWS IT MEANS FUCKING SOMETHING HRUGAGHUG ARE U KIDDING MEEEEEEEEEEE
"Still okay?" he asks.
"Grand," I say.
HE KEEPS CHECKING IN IM KIND OF SOBBING????????
"What does that mean--does that mean you could use it?"
I laugh, and it comes out more good-natured than I mean it to. "Snow. I think I could cast a sonnet right now."
"Show me," he says.
SCREAMSSSSSSSSSSSSSS WHY DOES THAT HIT WHY IS THAT SO GOOD WHY AMD I SCREAMINGGGGGGG AAAAAAAAAAAAA
-
I speak clearly: "Twinkle, twinkle little star!"
By the time I get to the end of the next phrase, the room around us is gone, and the stars feel close enough to touch.
"Up above the world so high!"
Simon grabs my other hand, and my chest opens wider.
my face is in my hands this is so much this is SO MUCH THEY ARE IN THE STARS,,,, THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS,,,.,, FELLAS,,.,., CAN I GET A
-
"Is it too much?"
"No. It's like you completed the circuit," I say, gripping his other hand. "I feel kind of drunk, though."
"Drunk on power?" he asks.
I giggle. "Shit, Snow. Stop talking. This is embarrassing."
"Do you want me to pull back?"
"No. I want to look at the stars."
"I'm pulling back," he says.
LET HIM LOOK AT THE STARS
-
Now we're just sitting on my bed, holding hands. Simon Snow and I. I can't look at his eyes, so I stare at his cross.
Just Two Bros Sitting On The Bed Holding Hands After Visiting The Stars Together, What's Better Than This
-
He looks uncharacteristically thoughtful. I wonder if he's forgotten that he's holding my hands. Or if he's forgotten what it means to hold hands. Or if he's forgotten who I am entirely.
I think again about pulling my hands away--but Snow could light fires in my palms at this point, and I wouldn't pull away. It feels like he has.
WE'RE LOSING HIM ALERT ALERT WE ARE LOSING HIM FAST
"Baz," he says, and it's not unprecedented for him to say my name, but I know he avoids it.
There It Is
He Avoids It
"This is stupid. If we're going to be working together, you can't keep pretending that I don't know."
"Don't know what," I say, yanking my hands back.
-
"Get off my bed."
Snow stands up, but doesn't stand down. "I know. I've known since our fifth year. How're we supposed to help you if you're still keeping all these secrets? Like, why did you start school late this term? And what happened to you? And why are you limping?"
"That's none of your business," I hiss. "None of it."
fuck. fuck every time simon brings that up baz clams right the fuck up and i just. im dying to get to a point where baz CAN tell him like. is he even gonna TELL him or is simon just gonna like. Find Out. i want it so fuckin bad this is like. benchmark how much baz trusts simon it's gotta keep coming up and EVENTUALLY.......
-
"We're supposed to find out who sent blood-sucking vampires to kill your mother, and you are a blood-sucking vampire. You don't think that's relevant?"
As if I can just admit that. Out loud. On the record. As if every other magician wouldn't gladly light me up if they knew it to be true.
:(((((((((
As if Snow himself hasn't been trying to expose me every day for seven years.
I clamp my jaw shut.
:(((((((((
JUST!!!!!! this is an assumption on my part but the idea that he DOES want to be able to trust simon with that information, in another universe, on another timeline, where allowing that info to be exposed wouldn't be a direct threat to his life LIKE. does simon even realize.
like im sure that was the point when he was trying to expose him as an enemy, but now that they're trying to be on the same side, temporarily, does simon even realize the implications of what he's asking baz to do.
this is just the "i could steal your magic" thing all over again, really. the "i thought of it immediately, didn't you?" baz's outlook on this entire situation, the baz vs simon situation, is through a lens of self-preservation, survival, taking any chance he can get to get the upper hand bc he knows he'll lose in the long run
so while simon's sitting here like "this is my current goal, we need to cooperate to make it happen, baz is just being stubborn because he sucks and hates me" whereas baz is like "this truce isn't gonna last forever, thinking about the long run the stupidest thing i could do right now is openly admit to the thing he's been maliciously trying to pry out of me for years"
it's just!!! kinda sad!!!!
and also. thinking about it as a Gay thing. u know, the "hiding an enormous part of ur identity from a community that would immediately turn against you if they knew" metaphor. baz really just straight up has No place he is truly accepted for all parts of him. like obvs there's the vampire thing everywhere except for home, where it's known, but then he said earlier that his dad doesn't accept his sexuality so even though he's technically safe at home, he's still not Accepted as he is
(and i'm pretty sure his aunt fiona knows and accepts that he's gay, but she fucking hates simon for war-related reasons SO LIKE)
makes me sad :(
i also wanna quickly touch upon smth else tho, which is simon's point about how honesty and openness between them will help with their search; baz is currently the only one who holds all the pieces to the puzzle so far; along with everything the three of them have discussed together, he also has the memories of the day of the attack, as well as what happened to him at the beginning of the school year.
bc that's another piece of it, i think; his kidnapping has everything to do with what happened with the vampire attack, probably the same person/group who orchestrated the attack was behind the kidnapping too, bc like. ok
the point of the attack was to turn baz & natasha into vampires, right, and that worked. baz is a vampire, and it's a Super heavily guarded secret- but obviously whoever ordered the kidnapping knew about it, or else the numpties wouldn't have thought to put him in a coffin or give him blood (and obvs they had numpties do it to conceal their own identity but like we already knew that)
ALSO while im talking abt it another theory to add onto that, u know what was Conveniently happening at the beginning of the school year at the time of The Numpting?? the whole thing w the Veil Lifting and all those ghosts comin thru w juicy info for me & u???
penny Literally said at one point that it used to be a Thing for people to get kidnapped or murdered before the veil lifting so they couldn't be told Crucial info abt like conspiracies and crimes n stuff SO LIKE. GUESS WHO SHOWED UP W CRUCIAL INFO ABT CONSPIRACIES AND CRIMES N STUFF
in conclusion baz was kidnapped to keep his mom from spilling the beans abt her murder by the people who murdered her and the WHOLE reason i bring this all up is bc baz is the Only One who has all the info necessary to make these connections but obvs he's not about to tell simon or penny about it, which potentially Does hinder the effort
so my point is to properly solve the mystery and get to the bottom of the whole conspiracy baz is gonna have to open up to them eventually and i am SUPER looking forward to it, PLEASE crack this guy open like a walnut i am Ready 2 Witness It my opera glasses are OUT
-
[Simon] I have to admit, my first thought is that Agatha misses me. That she wants to get back together.
I'll say yes, of course. I won't even make her ask. We can go right back to how we were.
PLEASE not this not ur pathetic ass inventing a situation that glosses over agatha's issues and the reason she broke up w u in the first place
Maybe I'll even tell her what's going on with Baz--maybe she can help.
[...]
This has all been such shit. Ignoring each other. Sitting apart. Acting like enemies when all we've ever been is friends.
ok but this is making me sad :( i'd REALLY love to see simon get over the breakup and become friends with agatha again bc they're not right for each other romantically but as friends they would be so cute ;w; and also it just makes me sad when years long friendships are broken in general :(((
-
But also, she's just not that social. Especially at school. She used to be really involved in dance, before Watford, and she's still all caught up in horses, and I think she's closer to her summer Normal friends than anybody here.
[...]
I don't think Agatha cares that much about magic, full stop. The last time we talked about the future, she was thinking about becoming a veterinarian.
bro how did it only hit me Just Now agatha is a HORSE GIRL she's out here begging her daddy not to get rid of the ornery stallion they got saddled with last week, she can tame him if he just gives her some time, she can teach him to LOVE
but jokes aside SEE this is what i mean agatha has her whole entire Other shit going on offscreen and it's just so. she is Neat
-
I've been thinking a lot about Christmas lately. I always spend it with the Wellbeloves. I have since I first came to Watford.
[...]
It's how Agatha and I got to be friends. [...]
They're all good to me, Helen included. Agatha's mum gives me nice clothes for Christmas, and her dad talks to me about my future like I'm not going to die in a ball of fire.
I just really like them. And I like Christmas. And I've been thinking about how weird it's going to be to sit around the dinner table, talking to Agatha's parents, knowing that we're broke up.
🥺
(also that ball of fire line simon PLEASE)
-
"My dad wants you to know that of course you're still welcome at our house for Christmas," Agatha says.
"Oh," I say. "Good."
"But I think we both know how uncomfortable that would be," she goes on. [...]
"Right," I say. It would be uncomfortable, I guess.
"It would ruin Christmas," she says.
[...]
"Right," I say instead.
"So I told him that you were probably going to stay with the Bunces."
Agatha knows I can't stay with the Bunces. Penelope's mum can only take about two or three days of me before she starts treating me like a Great Dane who can't help knocking things over with its tail.
[...]
"Right," I say to Agatha. "Okay."
She looks at the floor. "I'm sure my parents will still send gifts."
"I'll send them a card."
"That would be nice," she says. "Thank you."
GENUINELY SO FUCKING SAD OVER THIS?????
like ok agatha's not perfect & i know i've generally been in her corner but this is straight up like. a mean thing to do gjdkfjslgksdjkdf
i mean it's one thing not wanting ur ex to come over for christmas, completely understand that, but also. he's been coming over since before they were dating, since his first YEAR at watford, AND she knows he has literally nowhere else to go so he's just like. gonna be alone for christmas i guess????
IDK LIKE I SAID I GET WHY SHE'S DOING IT BUT ALSO I AM SAD FOR SIMON he was looking forward to it he didn't even consider that he might not still be going this year bc it's such a staple for him, like it's not just a breakup he legit considers the wellbeloves as family, or something close to it, and now he's being cut off from that and im just :((((((((((((
-
I roll my eyes. He probably thinks pixies are a lesser species. Half-sentient, like gnomes and Internet trolls.
*SPITS DRINK* WHAT NOW?????????? HUH??????????????????? U WANNA RUN THAT BY ME AGAIN???????????????????????????????? HELLO??????????????????????
"It's like being a fairy named Mary," he goes on.
"Or a vampire named Gampire," I say.
"Gampire isn't even a proper name, Snow. You're terrible at this game."
GAMPIRE SIMON. GAMPIRE
-
He still won't talk to us outside of the room.
Baz says it would confuse his minions to see him consorting with the enemy. He actually called them that--"my minions." Maybe he was taking the piss....
My Minions (affectionate)
(honestly after what he said abt internet trolls i wouldn't put it fucking past this universe to have Canonical Minions)
I can't always tell when Baz is mocking me. He's got a cruel mouth. It looks like he's sneering even when he's happy about something.
another one for the autistic simon headcanon, boys
Actually, I don't know if he ever is happy. It's like he's got two emotions--pissed off and sadistically amused.
(And plotting, is that an emotion? If so, three.)
SIMON PLEASE I CAN'T AKGJAGJSLDGDS
-
Plus Penny doesn't want Baz to know that her family might be on the outs with the Mage. (Even though Baz'd probably sympathize.)
Even Though He'd Sympathize
(let them be allies! stop having them be enemies!)
Penny keeps reminding me that Baz is still my enemy. That when the truce ends, he could use everything he's learned against me.
But I'm not sure I'm the one who needs reminding. Half the time we're together, I'm just sitting on my bed reading while Penelope and Baz are comparing their Top 10 favourite spells of the 1800s or debating the magickal worth of Hamlet versus Macbeth.
GOD they're so FUCKING CUTE
The other day, he walked her over to the Cloisters on his way to the Catacombs. When he came back, he reported that there weren't any clues about how she gets into Mummers House. The next day, she told me he didn't acknowledge at all that he was on his way to suck blood out of rodents.
LMFAOOOOOOOOOO literally besties. literally Companions
"You going my way?" she says to him now, from the doorway.
"No, I'm in for the night," he says.
So fucking weird.
LOL simon bluescreens: a saga
-
I'm getting my pyjamas together when he speaks up:
"So what's your plan next week? For the holidays?"
BROOOOOOOOOO HE SAID IT
-
"Snow," he says.
"What."
"You should come to Hampshire."
I stop and look at him. "What? Why?"
HE DEADASS INVITED HIM OVER FOR CHRISTMAS BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IM OPEN MOUTH SCREAMINGGGGGGGGG
Baz clears his throat and folds his arms, lifting his chin to emphasize how much he looks down on me.
he's posturing dude he's trying to cover up how much he's screaming on the inside asking you this question show some respect
-
"You're suggesting I go home with you."
"Yes."
"For Christmas."
"Yes."
"With your family."
Baz rolls his eyes. "Well it's not like you have any family of your own."
"You're mad." I move again towards the bathroom.
"How is it mad?" he demands. "I could use your help, and there's nothing here for you--you'd think you'd appreciate the company."
TEN REASONS WHY SIMON SNOW WOULD BE AN FUCKING IDIOT TO REFUSE MY GENEROUS CHRISTMAS INVITATION:
-
"I can't stay in your house. Are you kidding me?"
"Snow, we've lived in the same room for seven years. How can you have a problem with this?"
THE DESPERATION..... THE JUMPS IN LOGIC...... BAZ PLEASE YOURE INSANE
-
"She's sent his Men away again," Penny says. "Premal says the Mage himself is coming to the house next time."
"Then I should be there," I say. "He'd never hurt her in front of me."
Penny stops in her tracks. "Simon. Do you really think the Mage would hurt my mother at all?"
I stop, too. "No. Of course he wouldn't."
O O F
😬
-
"Tell the Mage you're staying here for Christmas," she says. "He'll want to spend it with you."
That makes me laugh.
"What?" Penny asks.
"Can you imagine?" I say. "Christmas with the Mage?"
[...] "Think of the gifts," I say, laughing. "He'd probably wrap up a curse for me just to see if I could break it."
"Blindfold you, drop you in the Hell of the Wood, and tell you to come home with dinner."
"Ha!" I grin. "Just like in our third year."
the fact that they're joking that if the mage gave simon christmas gifts they'd just be more of the trials and tribulations he's been putting on him since he was like 12?????? HELLO???????
not to read too much into it but ZOOMS IN the way that simon's relationship w the mage is such that to imagine spending a holiday usually reserved for friends and family with him is SO ABSURD he can't even take it seriously, like the mage falls so far out of the categories of friend or family, their relationship is in no way sentimental but rather Strictly Business i.e. the mage setting Tasks for simon to complete like a fuckin rat in a maze, this whole excerpt just speaks volumes about their dynamic in contrast to the feelings simon has expressed on the matter in the past, in this essay i will
-
He closes the lid of his trunk and snaps the latches. Then he looks at me, frowning, and decides something. I'm familiar with that look. I put my hand over the hilt of my sword.
LOL LMAOOOO GOD
"Snow....," he says.
"What."
"I feel like I should tell you something. In the interest of our truce."
I look over at him, waiting.
"That day you saw Wellbelove and me in the Wood..."
need to officially document that the second i read this line i shoved my face into my pillow and Had Emotions for a second
-
I open my eyes. "You weren't trying to pull my girlfriend?"
"No."
"Sod off," I say. "You've been trying to get between me and Agatha since the day she chose me over you."
"She never chose you over me."
"Get over yourself, Baz.
He looks pained; that's a new one. "No," he goes on. "What I'm saying is--I've never been an option for Wellbelove."
SCREAMS SCREAMS WAILS AND SCREAMS HELLO HELLOOOOOOO??????????? IS HE LITERALLY TRYING TO COME OUT TO SIMON RN HELP HELLO PLEASE???????????? WHAT ELSE COULD HE POSSIBLY MEAN BY THIS IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
-
"She interrupted me," he says. "That day in the Wood."
I ignore him.
"She interrupted my dinner. She saw me. I was asking her not to tell anyone."
OUGUGHGHUHOUGHG ???!?!!?!!!?!???!?!?!?! HE'S BEING VAGUE ABOUT IT BUT STILL GOD THIS IS SO CLOSE THIS IS LIKE TEETERING ON THE EDGE OF IT HES TRYING SO DAMN HARD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"in the interest of our truce" MY ASS u are doing this for ur WHOLE ASS SELF "hmm what can i do to maybe make snow hate me a little less Oh I Know" FJGOFUGJFJGJ THOUGHT PROCESS EXPOSED
"And you had to hold her hands for that?"
"I only did that bit to piss you off. I knew you were watching."
"Well, it worked," I say.
popped him out of existence like an angry little pimple
"You're not listening." He's looking very pained now. "I'm not ever going to come between you and Wellbelove. I was always just trying to piss you off."
it's 3 am and i am kicking my legs and squealing and going like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i am PROCESSING FUCK
maybe not DIRECTLY coming out but at LEAST trying to communicate that he isn't interested in agatha and wasn't trying to ruin simons fucking love life (even tho we all know secretly he was)
but why is he looking so pained if he's NOT trying and failing to communicate that hes gay. maybe it's just that he's being genuine for probably the first time ever on purpose and it's going right the fuck over simon's head and making him even MORE pissed at him and gkagjsodgsdgkd
"Are you saying you flirted with Agatha just to hurt me?"
"Yes."
"You never cared about her?"
"No."
I grit my teeth. "And you think I want to hear that?"
"Well, obviously. Now you can make up with her and have the best Christmas ever."
WAS THAT THE REASON. HE FELT BAD THAT HIS MEDDLING CAUSED SIMON TO BE ALONE FOR CHRISTMAS AND HIS ONE ATTEMPT TO MAKE UP FOR IT BY INVITING SIMON OVER FAILED SO NOW HES LIKE I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO GET THEM BACK TOGETHER BC HE ASSUMES THE REASON THEYVE BROKEN UP IS BECAUSE OF THAT DAY IN THE WOOD
he's GENUINELY trying to do simon a solid even tho it means they might get back together which he doesn't want to see but he feels he owes it to him especially with the truce at play I?????????!!!!!!?!?!!!??????!!!!
im actually gonna SCREAM
"You're such an arse!" I say, jumping to my feet and charging at him.
"Anathema!" he shouts, and I hear him, but I almost plant my fist in his jaw anyway.
INVOKING THE PROTECTION OF ANATHEMA IN THE FACE OF IMMINENT DISASTER it will never get old it will NEVER not be so fucking good
imagine at some point in the future they're not even in their room but they start fighting and one of them yells ANATHEMA out of habit
Anathema Cant Save U Now Bitch *gives the wedgie of a lifetime*
-
"She was carrying around your bloody handkerchief, that whole time you were gone. Since last year."
"What handkerchief?"
I go to the drawer where the handkerchief is shoved in
KEEPS IT IN HIS DRAWER,
with my wand and a few other things, then I wave it in his face. "This one."
Baz pulls the fabric out of my hand, and I pull it right back because I don't want him to have it. I don't want him to have anything right now.
LMFAO NOT THE DOUBLE SNATCH
NOT THE "FUCK YOU UNPULLS YOUR HANDKERCHIEF" REVERSAL
"Look," he says. "I'll stop. I'll leave Wellbelove alone from now on. She doesn't matter to me."
"That makes it worse!'
"Then I won't stop!" he says, like he's the one who should be angry. "Is that better? I'll damned well marry her, and we'll have the best-looking kids in the history of magic, and we'll name them all Simon just to get under your skin."
LOL LOL LOL LMAO LOL LMAO LMAO BAZ LMFAO BAZ SCREAMS
"Just go!" I shout. "Seriously. If I have to look at you anymore, I won't even care about the Anathema. If I get kicked out of Watford, at least I'll finally be done with you!"
oh SHIT he's not fuckign playing around baz u gotta get outta there he's gonna kill u in real life hgjfugjfugkdjgkdf
absolutely tragic. he tried so hard to make peace HE TRIED TO MAKE AMENDS IN THE NAME OF THEIR TRUCE and all he did was make things fucking worse AND THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS NO LESS
genuinely tho poor baz :( legit tried to make an effort and it blew up in his face
i mean it IS his fucking fault but STILL
it reminds me of before, back towards the beginning of the book, when simon was recounting the chimera incident and talked about how baz was shouting at him and "accidentally" told him what using magic felt like to him, when in reality he was offering genuine advice to help him in a dire situation
this again is an example of miscommunication as a result of their years long rivalry, because simon is basically incapable of registering anything other than antagonism on baz's part, he literally just always assumes the worst of him. so when baz Actually goes out of his way to be helpful or anywhere within the realm of amicable his intentions just fly right the fuck over simon's head because anything baz does gets put thru a Bad Faith filter before it even reaches simon's critical thinking center and he just goes Yeah Right Asshole every time
and this time especially went south bc simon is still very much hurting over the breakup and still 1000% blames baz so of Course when baz says shit like "yea no idgaf about agatha i was just trying to piss u off" simon's not gonna hear "oh baz isn't actually a romantic rival so there's no threat to mine and agatha's relationship" he's gonna be like "SO U RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP FOR NO FUCKING REASON U WEREN'T EVEN TRYING TO STEAL MY GIRLFRIEND U LITERALLY JUST WANTED TO SEE ME MISERABLE 😡😡😡"
which TBF is all literally true LMAO
so basically baz's plan to save simon's christmas fucking backfired to hell and back which is why he finally snaps and gets pissed at the end, because he can't fucking do anything right and now simon's For Real mad at him and he doesn't even have a date to the prom
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[Baz] I was trying to do Snow a favour.
A favour that doesn't serve my interests at all--at all.
yeah??????????????? Yeah????????????????? Are U Sure About That
I bloody well should marry Wellbelove. My father would love it.
Marry her. Give her the keys to whatever she wants keys to. Then find a thousand men who look exactly like Simon bloody Snow and break each of their hearts a different way.
LOLLLLLLLL Bring In The Twink Parade Tell Them All That They Bombed The Modeling Audition And They're Banned From Their Local Sephoras
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I didn't expect to mend any fences with all this...co-operating. I didn't expect to convince or convert Snow. But I thought we were making progress.
SOBBING AND WAILING
Like, maybe when this was all over, he and I would still be standing on either side of the trench, but we wouldn't be spitting at each other. We wouldn't be spoiling for the fight.
I know Simon and I will always be enemies....
But I thought maybe we'd get to a point where we didn't want to be.
U CANT DO THIS TO MEEEEEEE WHAT DO U MEANNNNNN 😭😭😭😭😭
ANY time baz uses simon's 1st name gets me in my fuckin heart BUT THIS ONE HURTS SO BAD AAAAAAAAAAAAA "i know simon and i will always be enemies" SNIFFLING AND HICCUPING AND WHIMPERING UAUAAAHGHG
the way he only does this shit when he's being Genuine and Unguarded abt his feelings for simon i. I!!!!!! i can't do it bro i cant take this anymore im literally gonna snap like a dry ass twig this is a TARGETED ATTACK,,,, ON MY FEELINGS,
he wants it so bad he wants simon so bad but he has to be Realistic he can't even hope for a future in which they're together he's SETTLING for this fantasy in which maybe, just maybe they can get to a point that they're not right at each other's throats, that he isn't completely despised by the one person he cares about most- he's hoping for the bare minimum, not even a happy ending but just the bare minimum of mutual reluctance to fight- and he can't even have THAT
the line between "lol rip baz" and "SOBBING AND WHEEZING LET HIM BE HAPPY" is a FINE ONE and all it takes is one funny lil pov switch and some vulnerability to make me pop like a go-gurt getting stomped into the playground
MAKE-A ME SAD :((((
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alright so i LIED about catching up to where i was this time gjgksdjfkjdg BUT IN MY DEFENSE THEY WERE BEING SO SOFT AND GAY,,, AND THEN THEY THREW MY HEART AGAINST THE WALL LIKE A WET PAPER TOWEL,,,,, HOW WAS I NOT SUPPOSED TO LOSE MY SHIT OVER THAT
so correction: NEXT TIME we might catch up to where i left off gjdfkjskdgsdfndgjdfj (did you see it??? the inclusion of the word "might", implying the possibility that we won't actually catch up next time,)
i make no promises c ya ✌️
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