Omg yesssss!! The friendship with Deadpool is so beautiful to read and I LOVE Wade but let’s be real he’s not someone you want around your kids lmao. He’s not really a danger to them but not many people stick around him long enough to KNOW that info so I can totally see Akihiro going apeshit when he discovers Deadpool randomly hanging out in Gabby’s room with her after his 99th break in to Krakoa especially since he’s done some very “suspicious” no go adult things before like breaking into Evans room and giving him porn mags??? Like come on Wade Jesus Christ pal and the whole relationship with Vanessa who was described as a teenager, even tho he technically wouldn’t have know this till later on, it’s still a little iffy especially to a very overprotective sibling with a sketchy past with abuse themselves. We the readers know that’s not Deadpool but most comic characters aren’t pretty fond of him and don’t know that. It would be an epic read ngl, a little stabby but I think Akihiro could probably come around to have DP looking out for Gabby, out of all of them she definitely needs to company and semi-good direction the most especially if he learns about him having a kid because I NEEED more Ellie content!!! Let Wade be a good dad!!! Marvel pls give my loves a break!! Also Ellie & Gabby would be bffs for life. (Pretty sure Akihiro has worked with Deadpool before & Laura and Gabby have been there but let’s just have fun with it 😂)
Oh God, the porn he gave Evan hahaha He's definitely a dark-gray character for sure! I agree Akihiro would go ape-shit over it (can you imagine the immediate fight that would happen - no words, Akihiro just slides off his fancy suit coat and kicks straight ass. Deadpool's mouth makes it 10,000x worse. He's beaten to a pulp. Gabby in the background trying to calm them, ultimately giving up.) You know what would be funny, is they're kind of similar in terms of moral compasses, so it would almost be like the pot calling the kettle black - Akihiro, for valid reasons, would feel like it's too inappropriate for Gabby to befriend a grown man, and especially a grown man who has a highly suspicious past (especially the bit about Vanessa). BUUUUUT.... maybe Deadpool would also feel like he has to protect Gabby some from Akihiro due to his past, like with the whole Evan thing, and with kidnapping Zach too. Gabby would definitely be the mediator there lol through the bloodshed and shouting matches, they will eventually realize they both just wanna keep Gabby safe and eventually form a deranged alliance to kill anyone who hurts her xD I would also LOVE to see Gabby friends with Ellie!! Ellie, and Valeria. Gabby and Ellie would be raising absolute hell all the time. Maybe Valeria's the one to get them out of trouble (I don't know much about her, other than when Laura babysat them, so I could be entirely wrong about that hc). This is so much fun :D
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Does Deadpool Collect Kids?
Here I am in Spideypool Hell, which results in me looking at the closest people to both of them. I sort of grew up with Spider-Man (video games, cartoons, and movies long before I ever touched a comic) so of course I’m looking at Deadpool first. Who doesn’t love new information? Treading old ground is boring!
(Also Spiderverse shit is confusing. So. Many. Spiders.)
And I came to the realization that Wade’s kind of...surrounded by kids.
Of course he has a kid (multiversely he has a few) but he’s close with more than just that kid.
So here is what I think of as Wade Wilson’s Pseudo-Family aka Kids Who Put Up With His Shit. Be prepared for way too many pictures.
Eleanor Camacho
This adorable baby is Ellie. She’s eight-ish years old (maybe nine or ten now? comic book time is weird) and currently Wade’s only canon child in main continuity. Her whole situation is a bit complicated, but Wade loves her more than anything in the world. And actually, she was a lowkey fan of Deadpool before she knew he was her dad. She loves her dad and she even goes behind her foster mom’s back to try to get him to visit, said foster mom being SHIELD Agent Emily Preston. Wade has forgotten she exists (again) to protect her (AGAIN) but she watches news reports about him and actually interfered with a killing mission he had in a theme park her class happened to have a field trip to.
She’s a baby Spideypool shipper too.
Ellie is Wade’s weak spot, and he only tells people about her if he trusts them. The ones that come to mind are people he likes, namely Shiklah, Spidey, and Rogue, as well as two kids further down on this list. Wolverine and Captain America know too, but because they were part of the mission where he found out about her. Super Soldier team-up.
Also, here’s her in the future. She’s a badass.
I love her so much.
Warda Wilson
(Full disclosure, I did minor editing on this panel because this is the one image of her full body without her mask and they gave her pupils that she has in no other panels and it bothered me so I fixed it)
Wade’s daughter in the 2099 future with his ex-wife, succubus and monster queen Shiklah, and she goes by Deadpool. She had a vendetta against Wade at first for supposedly betraying Shiklah and held him captive. But Ellie rescued him, they cleared things up, and they work together as a family, all three of them, plus brain-ghost Preston.
Deathpool
Exclusive to the video game Marvel Strike Force, but she’s so neat I had to include her. Literally born from “the power of love” between Deadpool and Death, she takes over her mom’s job but is a total daddy’s girl; he trained her to wield weapons and be a quippy little shit, and until he was snapped by Thanos because he’s got issues, she’d visit him on occasion.
(She doesn’t have a canon “normal” name, but I like the name Evita Wilson. It rearranges the letter of the word “vitae” which is Latin for “life” and y’know irony. Plus Evita is the name of both a musical and a Madonna album and you cannot tell me Wade wouldn’t love that)
Itsy Bitsy
Not a friendly, but biologically his daughter (and Spidey’s) from Evil Science Shenanigans. Formerly Susan Mary, a play on “Mary Sue”. She calls both of them “daddy” and even wears a Spiderpool emblem shirt. She’s pretty extreme. Bloodthirsty. Wade actually had to stop Spidey from killing her because Peter was so scared of her and someone was messing with his head. He cut Wade’s head off to try to keep him from interfering. It was kinda nuts. Wade ended up doing what he thought was killing her to keep Spidey’s hands clean. She’s not gone though...
Master Matrix
Another Spideypool kid, no shit. A good one too! And a rare boy on this list! A robot of some type discovered by Richard and Mary Parker, so already hitting home for Peter. After a short villainous confusion after waking from stasis, he was basically taken under Spider-Man’s and Deadpool’s wings and called them both “Father”. The arc is literally officially titled “My Two Dads”. They act like his parent and it’s just *chefs kiss* It’s a whole thing. MM gives off weird vibes, but all in all, he just wants to help. He’s a good boy!
He even gets them to hug!
He then proceeds to send them on a bonding road trip with just...so much Spideypool. That’s where the “Why are you holding my hand?” “It helps me focus.” comes from. And so much fourth-wall breaking and writer interference. Spidey even plays along with Wade’s fourth-wall-breaking shenanigans even though he doesn’t believe it. It’s the best.
Now we move to ones who aren’t his kids!
Gwendolyne Poole
Gwenpool and Deadpool weren’t chummy at first; she didn’t read his book and thought he was too “lol memes”. But they actually got to be pretty friendly. They’re buddies now.
He helped Gwen when she was having an existential crisis and is currently the caretaker of her pet Jeff the Land Shark who is the cutest thing and I love him. He even dresses as Gwen once to make Jeff happy it’s adorable.
I also think he rocks Gwen’s look. He looks great.
Ellie Phimister
Everyone knows about Negasonic Teenage Warhead from the movies where they have that affectionate deadpan snark between them. When they first met, Wade’s group had been contracted to kidnap her. She evaded everyone else, but when met with Deadpool who literally tried to talk her into being kidnapped, she had a vision where he said he wouldn’t leave her behind, and she literally just surrenders.
When Wade finds out what is happening to his targets, he goes in to save her. She has a particular loyalty to Wade and sticks by him pretty much no matter what, but she gradually settles into that deadpan sarcasm.
She takes his nonsense with a straight face and doesn’t tolerate his bullshit. Or at least snarks right back at him.
She’s also one of the few who for sure know about the other Ellie, Eleanor, and looks out for her.
Gabrielle Kinney
A little unexpected, but adorable! Gabby Kinney, also known as Scout or Honey Badger, which is amazing. She don’t give a FUCK. She’s a clone of Laura Kinney, aka X-23 and Wolverine, who is another clone daughter of Logan/James/OG Wolverine. She and Wade bonded over their scars and they’re besties now.
There aren’t a whole lot of instances of Wade and Gabby together, but every SINGLE one is absolute gold. They’re so fucking CUTE. Prepare for so many panels.
Have you seen anything more precious? Best friends.
Evan Sabahnur
Formerly Kid Apocalypse, also known as Genesis. Long story, but pretty much explained in the above page. Wade in particular was determined to save him, as killing him didn’t sit right for some reason, and he was certain that despite everything, Evan was a good kid. When shit went down and Evan didn’t think he could return to the Academy, Wade took him in. Like, brought him to the home he bought across the street from Eleanor and the Prestons.
Wade even says he’ll never have a son, (this is before MM, but it’s funny cuz biologically and multiversely, he does only have daughters) but if he did he’d like him to be like Evan, which is hilarious to me. But that kinda makes what Wade says super sweet.
He also saves Ellie.
Haruka Hida
From Deadpool Samurai, she goes by Sakura-Spider and is a blatant Peter Parker rip-off. Literally she lives with her Aunt Mei and her Uncle Tsutomu which the kanji can also be read as Ben. No shit. The only real difference is the spider bit her on her face and it scarred, hence the spots under her eye. BUT she’s Deadpool’s partner in Japan and she’s super cute. Typical manga protag girl but what can you expect?
(Legit buy them they’re super fun and it’s worth it especially if you like manga it’s so dumb and I love it please buy it)
Neiro Aratabi
Another Deadpool: Samurai character. As said above, she’s an idol in Japan. She’s bonded to an amnesiac symbiote she calls Kage (in case you aren’t up on Japanese, it’s pronounce like “kah-gay” and it means shadow). They like chocolate. She doesn’t get a lot of screen time, but she’s happy being part of the team. She’s content as long as people think she’s cute, for, of course, over-dramatic very anime reasons.
That is ELEVEN CHILDREN. And I’m a newb, this might not even be all of the kids he’s close to!
For comparison, Bruce Wayne has SIX kids (Dick, Jason, Cass, Tim, Duke, and Damian). He has a few other pseudo-kids, Barbara Gordon, Stephanie Brown, and maybe Helena Bertinelli and Maps Mizoguchi, but like...dude.
I need everyone to know that Deadpool is good with kids.
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so @briefcasejuice asked me a question about my two blorbos which I thought was interesting:
gail i'm asking abt a concept: murderdock x wade? what's that like? would it work? both like in terms of personal preference of the kind of person that should be dating either character or in the literary sense where it would make a good story and analyse their characters pretty well
and I asked her permission to post my reply and she said it was fine so here are my personal thoughts on deadpool/murderdock
so basic hurdles aside we're assuming there's a Deadpool that's pretty much identical to our Deadpool in earth 65 which is a lot to assume, but a supplanted Murderdock into 616 would be a shock to Murderdock's system that's unparalleled so that's the safer assumption. even though the wolverine situation is far from identical weapon X still happened, deadpool exists with his healing factor, and I guess in my mind in a low super world he hasn't really had the opportunities to improve as a person the way he has in 616 so he's still pretty morally bankrupt
now, could Wade find Murderdock attractive? 100%, Murderdock is actually his type. while early dp goes for the occasional heroine, modern Deadpool (post 2012) usually goes for people who are dangerous, can cut him in half, or both. would Murderdock be attracted to wade? debatable. in canon Murderdock only shows attraction to one character - that universe's version of silk - and that's in one kiss that is never brought up again. honestly, I think main canon Murderdock is either asexual or has such intense amounts of trauma that he finds the idea of trusting someone (with his body or with his heart) incredibly unappealing
however! that, in itself, could be something appealing about wade. Imagine a fwb scenario. they run into each other on a job and Murderdock finds the body in front of him simultaneously disgusting and interesting, so he just touches, and wade pulls back because consent, but Murderdock liked what he touched so he propositions him. Wade isn't trustworthy, so matt doesn't bother to trust. this is about bodily needs only. And yeah Wade is funny but more importantly he can hire wade to kill his enemies, no problem. AND Murderdock doesn't have to worry about Wade dying because of his powers
(gabbie replied to this by saying "not friends but there are benefits type thing?" which was too funny not to include I'm sorry)
anyway the thing is Wade is flaky as fuck so I imagine it wouldn't end in a break up as much as just... an unintentional ghosting? and Murderdock wouldn't have gotten attached in the first place so he'd be like. okay. and hire Deadpool again next time he's in town
but that's just one man's opinion (mine)!! if any of my beloved murderdock mutuals has a different take on this (so far non-existent) rarepair I'd love to hear it!!!
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