Epistles of Saints & Sinners
Chapter Summary:
Tav has a dream and makes a decision about Astarion.
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Story Summary:
When Astarion meets the humble bard, Tav, he soon finds out he's the only one between them that knows they are bound as soulmates through their marks. Deciding it's more trouble than its worth, he refuses to tell her along the course of their journey across Faerûn.
But, unbeknownst to him and their companions, Tav is harboring a gruesome secret that she only thought was nothing more than a traumatized period in her life.
As they both come to face to face with their pasts and presents, will they choose to move forward or let it consume them?
Healing isn’t linear—after all.
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Chapter 16: Dream
Ao3
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Word count: 10.3k
Pairing: Astarion x female bard Tav
CW: Sexual Language, Self-harm, Blood, Gaslighting, Manipulation, PTSD , Act 1 Spoilers
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What is the cost of turning dreams into reality?
The payment of man: his duality.
Morrowland awaits for those who can pay,
Death masks made for any in his way.
— Raphael, diabolical discussions at the House of Hope
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The first detail Tav noticed about the rich northwestern Sea Ward of Waterdeep was the malodorous stench.
A reeking unpleasant mixture of old and new greed asserted through questionable bargains. The pungency in fear and scandal-mongering behind palatian villa walls. Secrets hidden well beneath caked layers of powdered cheeks and painted façades of cordiality from each patriar’s cut stoned smile.
Gathered in droves did the wayfarers come, to celebrate Winter Shield as the largest holiday of the year. A specified duration for one day, underlining the spectred accounts from the past year. Follies and good cheer, recognized as an enthronement for the special occasion.
Cassalanter Villa towered self-righteously over Tav as she eyed its structure, hearing the roaring jollied voices from the party that was in full swing indoors. And there, her beloved Algos presumably waited, working the visitors strategically for dividends should he grant the evil desires of their hearts. A strange residence he coaxed her into attending to mingle with the orgies of blue bloods at the behest of his aspirations.
It wasn’t that she had never dealt with patriars—especially back in the comforts of her home in Highmoon—but moreso, that she loathed unnecessarily gleaning attention out of highbrow society. She cared not if her singing mouth or the whorl of her rapier impressed upon their besmirched mortalities.
As she approached, dolled up in an empire waist gown crafted from azure ombré velvet and hand painted whitecaps resembling the salt waters of the Sword Coast, she began collecting her nerve to enter the villa, reciting Algos’s instructions in her mind. Each rehearsed pleasantry urged upon her to perform at the upcoming soirée, formed together as they would leave her murmuring lips in an alphabetical soliloquy.
Practice makes perfect.
Good thing I’ve perfected the art of a side glance to deal with these pompous dickheads, she bemoaned in her thoughts, reluctantly walking up to the closed doors.
Tav’s hand hovered above the door handle, a million excuses sprinting through her gray matter as to why she shouldn’t walk across that threshold into the lion’s den.
She formed a closed fist, letting it fall unceremoniously away.
“What am I do—oh…you’re here,” the elven woman quietly proclaimed.
Warmth dispersed between her collarbone and upper breast tissue as her soulmate mark gently made its presence known. Breathing. Alive. Pulling at the invisible bond betwixt them, causing her clattering heart to slow its pace.
She looked down at her chest, imagining the dark brownish shooting star underneath her gown stirring to life. Her mate’s long, steady, drawn out breaths tickled across the astral shape, expanding and contracting. Oh, how many nightfalls had this rare blessing kindling her pale skin endowed her with reassurance?
Tav imagined her soulmate in different scenarios whilst their shared token heated her. Had they been laughing at an embellished joke? Mayhaps demonstrating the proper launch techniques of bows? Or, could it be they were mapping the skies above for an exciting adventure?
However, what she knew for sure was that her mate had acknowledged her hesitancy from whatever location they occupied. Their connection abundant the most during the trials they each faced, knowing the precise moment to lend one another strength to will their resolve to conquer such trepidations.
Still, there loomed something eerie and tenebrous beneath the surfaced flushing emitting from the mark. Flecks of dark scattered emotions that would quickly dissipate into the channels of her nerve endings.
During those periods, she would often sing to her soulmate as she began to do now. Dulcet lullabies from ancient elven lore, hummed prettily off the glint of her lips while she lightly grazed the top heap of her bosom. Tav prayed that the solace from her songs filled her mate’s body, healing their troubled spirit through their fated link as she always did.
And just as suddenly as the dreamlike sensations from her soulmate appeared, they were gone.
With newfound will, it didn’t take long afterwards for her to prepare herself to enter the indoor gathering.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
Spine straight.
Doors open.
Welcome to a new hell.
Barges of colors flashed behind Tav’s eyes when she slipped into the home, like fields made from dying stars erupting to give birth to interstellar clouds. A contrast to the falling snow outdoors, entoiling the city of splendors in quilts of white.
Gold and silver tinsel hung from every lit candle wall sconce. Balsam garlands—decorated with fir cones, orange slices, and tinkering brass bells—drooped in a zigzag pattern high above the visitors’ heads in the grand foyer only feet away from the entrance. Noises rang off champagne flutes, filling the air with their own caroling orchestra.
To her left, an ornately carved pulpit stood leering over guests filing in from the cold to administer judgment before they joined the festivities. A toffee-faced dwarven woman, elderly and worn, stood raised behind its face. Large baskets filled with wreaths stacked perfectly on either side of her: novelties of cultural celebration for new beginnings.
“Happy Winter Shield and welcome to Cassalanter Villa, my lady,” the noble dwarf politely announced. “I am Madam Robine Cassalanter and today: our home is your home. Please warm your bones and feast for as long as your belly will allow or until dawn breaks and I put everyone back onto the streets!”
Tav forced a smile, noting the slightly serious tone of her last sentence, evident of her classist ethics. “Your hospitality is without rival, Madam Cassalanter.”
Robine removed a wreath from one of the baskets, steadfastly holding it between her plump sausage-like fingers. “Care for one? The servants have painstakingly outdid themselves this year with them I believe! Handmade over a thousand each in a tenday’s time.”
The dueling swordswoman nodded quietly, moving closer to the pulpit. Patiently waiting as the woman fixed a wreath created from boxwood leaves and winter berries onto her head, Tav observed the smoothness of her hands. Clearly lacking the same scars and calluses she had acquired, she doubted the dwarf had worked a single day in her life that didn’t involve hosting grand parties and speaking gossip over towers of scones.
“Lovely,” she exclaimed, admiring her minimal labor. “Now, is there anything else I can help you with?” The dwarf peeked down at the cuffs of her tacky white and emerald suit, pretending to be unsettled by an invisible stain that just seemed to require all of her attention.
She blinked away the melting snowflakes occupied on her lashes, resisting the urge to subtly insult the woman’s sudden rudeness. “Saer Algos. Do you know of him? He should have arrived an hour or so ago.”
Madam Robine stopped fidgeting with her sleeves, widening her eyes to stare at the woman regarding her. Head tilted curiously, she leaned over the pulpit shifting her vision to study the elf more closely.
Odd. Strangely so.
Tav slightly furrowed her brow, vexed further by the woman’s demeanor. Minutes ticked away before she decided that the suddenly mute dwarf was a lost cause and she would be better off searching for him on her own. Turning away, she proceeded to walk towards the upbeat gathering.
“Saer Algos? Why, yes, he should be inside,” Robine abruptly interrupted, halting Tav. “Now that I think about it, he did mention he was expecting his fiancée to show up sometime after him. Would I be correct that he also said you are a dazzling vocalist and would graciously sing for us this fair eve?”
How very like Algos to use her talents to captivate and indoctrinate the masses for his cause.
Her long dress spun around with her like dancing waves as she looked back at the woman that now had a cheshire grin spanning the entirety of her lower face, further indenting the wrinkles around her eyes.
She swallowed down her objection into the pit of her stomach. “If it should please you and your guests, then I would be honored.”
Tav reminded herself this uncomfortability was for Algos. “For the future” he often reminded her. Should he rise to meet his goals, protection across Everska, The Dales, Cormyr, and perhaps one day The Sword Coast, would be guaranteed. The people would want for nothing, only to enter a unified golden age that had yet to be seen.
His vision: enticing as forbidden pomegranates ripened upon a tree. Seeds of an ideal utopian nation, waiting for their arils to burst open, intoxicating the land. How could anyone refuse? Algos designated himself as the man to conduct the events that would jumpstart everything. A man possessed with masterminded strategies to outwit opponents into carving his position amongst those on lofty perches.
Algos would not fail; he would immolate any that deemed him to do so.The Madam nodded, snapping her fingers at a nearby servant. “May I have your mantle then, Miss…?”
“Tavelle Etriel’kerymaera. My name is Tavelle Etriel’kerymaera,” she answered affably, untying her fur mantle to hand over to the maid obediently holding her arms out like a coat hanger.
“Tavelle Etriel’kerymaera,” Robine slowly enunciated, continuing her strange all-knowing smile. “Enjoy your evening, dearest.”
Bowing her head courteously, she half pivoted to depart—“One more thing Lady Swordsong,” Robine called out, crinkling her mischievous eyes. “My nephew Victoro Cassalanter and his wife Ammalia are here tonight as well. I believe they would find you quite beguiling! And I am sure given your contributions, this won’t be the last we see of each other.”
Contributions? What in the hells was she referring to? Tav entertained.
The elf visibly narrowed her sight, no longer able to hold back her suspicions about the dwarf’s behavior. “Forgive me for my intrusive assumption Madam Cassalanter, but why does it seem as if you know far more about me than you’re revealing?”
She shrugged her shoulders, fixating her interests on the next wreaths to prepare for the guests that had just entered from the blistering cold. “Fly along now Sword of Deepingdale,” the aged dwarf ordered. “You shouldn’t keep your handsome beau waiting any longer.”
Tav bit down on her lower vermillion, contemplating a walk back towards the pulpit to fetch the crone by her hideous jacket to demand answers from her smug face. However, Robine was right: Algos expected her to be by his side tonight and that included demonstrating her best temperament. Despite her reluctance in attending the party, she knew these negative thoughts were temporary and in contrast to the importance of their presence there.
From the entryway to the grand foyer, Tav glanced out amongst a hive of rabid nobles. Each one buzzed about, collecting useful rumors like pollen, transferring it back to the rest of the broods that kept encircling the hall. They sucked and they sucked and they sucked, addicted to every bit of nectary gossip they could store inside the cells of their brains until they could use them for their benefit.
But then, she found her soon-to-be husband, dwelling near an ivory pillar tucked away in a quiet corner. Hair slicked back and robust body clad in a long navy velvet coat trimmed in charcoal-dyed fox furs, Algos’s long shadow peeped out across the marble floor. He was dashing as ever—facial features more intense than usual from a clean shave.
Though, what she did not anticipate was the unrecognizable companion flouncing around him.A human woman clung onto his arm. Pinned glossy black hair. Dressed in gold silks. A pair of sirenic sea green eyes. Breasts pushed alluringly into his bicep. Beautiful and refined by most standards.
The elf watched as Algos’s heavy tongue—presumptively dripping with honeyed charms—whispered into the lady’s ear, causing her to giggle. She craned her neck to peck the corner of his full lips, a row of pearly whites gleaming in the dim light. Then, as the she-wolf was about to depart into the lively crowd, her peachy hand casually slid downwards until her palm met his outlined cock in his trousers.
Wait.
That can’t be right.
It happened so quickly it could have been easily mistaken for a trick of the eye.
“Ah, there she is: my beloved birdie!” Algos waved at her with a half filled glass of champagne, intruding upon her fretful thoughts.
Robotically, her ears perked up, obeying the seductive and cajoling drag from his wispy gruff inflection. The breadth of a faux smile chained itself to her lips.
“Good eve to you my love,” she replied, curtsying as he met her near the doorway.
Should she question him about what she saw? Surely, she was mistaken.
His sight raked over her body, doubtlessly searching for any imperfections that could cause that infamous astringent glimmer in those hickory coal eyes. “You look astonishing,” Algos complimented, appearing pleased.
“Well, I suppose I should, given you were the one that picked out this dress,” Tav tried to quip, briefly ignoring her concerns.
His left arm slotted itself around her waist, pulling her into him. “It has been vastly boorish here without you.”
Tav’s hands flatly landed against the intricately stitched rows of velvet along the upper torso of his coat, as if to guard him from her heart. “Has it? It seemed like you were having quite a bit of fun with that black-haired woman just a few minutes ago.”
Algos threw his head back in laughter, his Adam’s apple sporting a few missed coarser hairs from his shave. “You mean Ammalia Cassalanter and the kiss she gave me? Oh my dove, she was simply thanking me for a little problem solving regarding a mercantile disagreement I did for her husband Victoro. It saved them from loosening some of their funds to placate the persons involved.”
“It’s not the gratitude from her peck that bothered me, but the squeezing of your cock before she sauntered off,” Tav frankly reported.
Without another word, Algos seized her hand and led her into a small sitting room adjacent to the foyer entrance, closing the doors behind him.
Instead of releasing her, he instantly looped her arms around his neck. His free hand tilted her chin up towards him, peering down into her face. “I’m unsure as to what you think you saw, but that didn’t happen. Aside from that meaningless kiss, she didn’t touch me.”
Tav stared up at him silently, the various shades of pink on his cheeks a symptom from imbibing. He always knew what to say to her, always in a way that his manipulations convinced her breaking heart to continue bleeding for him.
“The only woman I want is you,” he cooed, pushing into her plush mouth with his broad tongue, snuffing out her angst immediately.
Upon his slithering tongue slipping betwixt her lips, a delicate sweet tang was tasted, covered under the fruity notes from the champagne. A taste she could equate to the lustful moistures of labia folds mixed with intoxicating jasmine at the end of each breath he aired out.
Tav fought back the vile images of Algos’s head between Ammalia’s thighs, sucking her clit into orgasmic bliss. She was a married woman, after all, with a husband whose watchful gaze vigilantly scanned the perimeter of the grand foyer. How could the two of them manage to get away with their affair within the past hour?
Yet, it occurred to her that even though she could taste the lies on his tongue, he would likely show no remorse. She could certainly probe him enough to admit his adultery to her, but his confession would turn to a plausible excuse that feasting upon wealthy cunt would somehow give him further access into this family’s maggoty circle he aimed to control. The pain of his betrayal would foreseeably become a fleeting hurt to help him usher in “the future.”
This man—this horrible man Tav loved—knew by her altruism that she would always put others before herself because she felt everyone else’s lives were more important than her own.
And he could get away with it all.
Algos leaned back, lips plump and deeply hued in rouge. “Do you believe me?”
No.
“Yes,” she fibbed, swallowing her torment because that’s what he would want to hear.
“Good girl,” he praised, patting the side of her neck. “Now that your worries are eased, did the matriarch of the family treat you decently when you arrived?”
“Madam Robine Cassalanter? She was genial as any patriar pretends to be,” she slightly frowned. “But, something was off about the way she regarded me. What did you tell her?”
The back of his thick index finger gently stroked her cheek. “I should have known my perceptive little bird would pick up on that. To answer: I may have slipped a very rare map into her possession that once belonged to one of the many heroes from ‘The Iron Crisis.’ The Cassalanter’s were quite thrilled that the daughter of that self same hero—you—and a Sword of Deepingdale herself, would offer such a gratuitous gift.”
Her jaw felt like it entirely unlatched as her mouth flew open in disbelief.
By that admission alone, Tav figured out the artifice he meant to play before he even explained himself. She was seething, her chest tightening with heat. “You not only stole a part of my inheritance, but you also laundered it away to one of the most notorious families in Waterdeep to gain an alliance?!”
“Now, now, the Cassalanters have graciously received us. There is absolutely nothing to be upset about,” Algos chastised with a click of his tongue. “Moving people along the game board is all part of the political blueprint. You must have favor with those in disreputable positions to guarantee their compliance for your goals, else chaos ensues.”
“Besides, you should be honored that your mother is the bladesinger, Evenlit Etriel’kerymaera! You’re practically royalty, my dear,” he unerringly said, taking a casual sip of gold fizzy liquid from his glass. “It simply baffles me that you have not taken more advantage of her blood running through your veins.”
Tav grimaced, letting both her arms fall at her sides like lifeless pieces of twine. “It feels like I’m nothing more than the dowry in your marriage to your ambitions.”
Algos glided his finger down the side of her face, finding a loose curl to toy with. “No need to make extremes out of this, love; you’re much smarter than that. All I ask is that you stay by my side and trust me to handle the meat boiling inside the bones,” he slowly said, curling his lips into a smug look.
The muscles in the groove of her lower mouth involuntarily twitched. “Stand by your side as you galavant around with actual criminals while using me and my family like whores?! Those are the types of individuals that have rotted Faerûn, Algos! Ones whose damned schemes we should be disemboweling,” Tav snapped, trying to keep her voice down.
She angrily clutched the hand stroking her silken tresses. “Nepotism by my parents' accomplishments is not something I believe in exploiting. That map was…do you have any idea what you’ve done? The danger involved? I never agreed to any of this.”
Algos raised her hand to his lips for a kiss, devious eyes peeking over her knuckles under a weighty brow. “And yet, here you are continuing to pretend to be everything you hate. Putting on a show in front of all the upper class to garner their favor for yours truly,” he whispered harshly. “Even going as far as to allow me to use that very nepotism you have carefully avoided to strike together the flints that will spark the flames needed to build an innovative future.”
“Besides, the people love to hear stories about heroes: their rise and their fall,” Algos forebodingly remarked, gulping down one last mouthful of drink.
Fall? Did he mean to suggest—?
Disoriented in the hollow of his words, she sensed she was caught in yet another trap. Caught in his orated words that carried separate terminologies from the sentences he formed. Caught because he held both her dreams and night scourges in the palms of his hands, conducting them as a marionette. Caught because she was frightened of what he could do to her and her parents. Caught because of what he’d already done.
Caught because she loved him.
Yet, wasn’t sacrifice part of truly loving someone? Stripping everything away until all that was left were both their damnations and heaven’s respite in their cohesive bodily belfry. At least that was what she had come to believe about love.
And loving Algos? Ha. That had become a form of self-flagellation. With each lash from his actions—his words—welting her mind in the deepest shades of blues and blacks.
Tears formed in her ducts, stinging the thin skin there. “How much further are you willing to go, Algos?” Tav shakily questioned.
“As far as I need to,” he growled, forcefully wrapping her hand around his bicep as he walked them towards the doors to soon reopen. “We’ll address this confusion later on. For now, shall we head back? You do have an audience to enchant.”
From the songstress’s mouth, the Anima Sola suffered in her throat, threatening to painfully scream while she tried to break her shackles to a man she devoted her life to for close to a decade.
This wasn’t him. It couldn’t be him.
He loved her…he loved her…he loved her…
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It has been said that the eyes are the window to the soul. Yet, what of doors?
Doors open and close: one opportunity leading to the next. A ceaseless funnel as the era of the living persisted from birth into death. Still, regardless of the ability to seize such possibilities, a numerous amount remained soundly shut. Shut because of the cruel mistress called fear. Humanity with their spiritual set of keys oft left staring too long at locked doors, that they fail to see others that have been left ajar.
For Tav, however, it had been the opposite. The yawning doorway she found all those years ago, murmured false promises of love, security, and happiness in the form of a man named Algos. And, oh, how guilelessly she tried to steal it all away for herself without even fathoming that she should have waited in front of that one forsaken sealed door until it was ready to be unbolted.
But now, as she followed Algos’s lead stepping over the doorsill back into the stimulating celebrations at the Cassalanter villa, Tav knew he was throwing them both into their inferno graves. Reflexively, she shut her eyes as they moved, listening to his heavy boots for guidance.
The countdown in her head started until they would be met again with an onslaught of noises.
One, two, three…
Silence.
…four, five, six…
More silence.
Her lids flew open, peering out into an entirely different scene. The guests had disappeared. Victoro and Ammalia Cassanter, even his aunt Robine, were nowhere to be found. The villa had transformed into what appeared to be gray slabs of rocks and splintered bones, floating in a strange sky. Above her, the impeccable ornamental garlands had mysteriously vanished, leaving behind a dusky galaxy oscillating in blue, purple, and misty hues.
The bard checked herself, noticing the gown she had worn changed into her usual camp clothes. Even the sophisticated ringlets she donned were replaced with her regular plait thrown over a shoulder.
And then, she understood: it was all a dream.
Tav pieced together that Algos had not escorted her into their once lethal future beyond that portent door, but instead, out of a nightmare from their past life together and back into her present day—or wherever this foreign place was.
She called out to her companions one by one, hopeful they were in the same vicinity. “Shadowheart? Wyll? Gale? Karlach? Lae’zel? Halsin? Astarion? Scratch? Where are you guys?”
However, despite the lack of an answer from her friends, she wasn’t alone.
There, in the quiet proximate distance, her ex-fiancé idled near a shadowy precipice observing a formation created from debris out in the buoyant space that Tav couldn’t entirely see.
“Algos…?!” She alarmingly squeaked out, as if she had seen a ghost.
Why didn’t he disappear when she woke from the dream? He couldn’t still be—no. That wasn’t possible.
The man turned to her, a tranquil smile deepening his aging lines. It astounded her how he looked exactly the same as he once did, save for being clad in shining golden armor. “Hello. Are you alright? I know this is probably unsettling for you.”
Instantly, tremors overtook her body, rattling her teeth together. “But, you’re…you’re…dead! H-how…are y-you…s-s-still alive?! I k-killed—.”
“I-I k-killed…I KILLED YOU!” Her voice curdled, as it thickened with her screaming saliva.
Tav fell to the ground sobbing, an urge to vomit steadily filling her throat. The pangs in her heart became unbearable as her blood seemed to be blockaded from entering its ventricles. Her fingertips clawed into the thin layer of stony dust for purchase, hoping the ground would swallow her whole. Regardless of the passed years after his death, she was nevertheless at his mercy.
Salted earth inside his mouth,
He has been preserved.
Discord: his acolyte,
Has time already been served?
Footsteps approached her, crossing the gigantic craggy mass confidently. “I am sorry to have frightened you. Let me help you up so I may explain,” his soothing vocals seeped out into the air over her.
Through Tav’s overgrown bangs, she saw his hand reaching downwards, palm opened for her to take. Angrily, she swatted it away. “Don’t touch me! Don’t you EVER fucking touch me!”
Algos patiently retracted the scoop of his mitt. “Perhaps it would serve us both better if I were more direct about your predicament. For starters: I’m not actually Algos.”
She loudly cackled. “Not actually—oh, that’s fucking rich! Out of all the times you’ve gaslighted me, this is certainly a first. Run out of interesting ways to terrorize me? Decided to finally manipulate me into believing you’re someone else entirely out of boredom, have you?”
“Do me a favor and kill me off like you should’ve done 10 years ago. Just get it over with. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?!” Tav added as salty streams soaked her cheeks.
He cleared his throat. “Tavelle, you’re still dreaming.”
“What…?”
“This,” the man gestured around the unknown area. “is a lucid dream; a by-product from the tadpoles. It’s how I’m able to somewhat physically manifest to you and your friends. Had I known this form would upset you in this manner, I would have reconsidered my choice.”
“I don’t—what?” She repeated, crossing her shaking arms tightly against her chest.
The subtle infliction of desperation buried in his tone did not escape her. He had knowledge about the tadpoles and, given mention about her friends, their travels thus far. Shit, stranger things have happened to her since they started said journey—taking a sun-walking fussy vampire to bed being one.
Should she believe him? Or It? Would it serve her to extend an ampul of her trust to his claims?
As she studied it, Tav admitted that this version of Algos did appear different. Concentrating on its speech patterns, it struck her that it was vastly more monotone—clearer—than the man she called her ex sweetheart. Its mannerisms were devoid from the calculating quirks she was forced to accept, in favor of an almost calming breeze to its movements. If anything, it was worth it to consider it was being honest and Algos—the real Algos—was still decaying six feet underground for her own peace of mind.
At this point, what did she have to lose? The inner twistings from the mind flayer transmogrification may happen soon anyways.
“This is insanity,” she blew out, wiping her face. “I am probably a downright twit for even considering some of this to be true, but what—er—who exactly are you then?”
It took a moment to answer. “I’m an adventurer—just like you. And just like you, I wish to be free of this infectious mind control. I was the one that saved you from the Nautiloid; surely you remember?”
Memories brightly erupted in the dimples throughout her brain as it rushed its thoughts into her. In one scene, it stood before her pod, unlatching the mechanism that kept her contained. Then, it kept her falling body from colliding like a ragdoll into the sands of the beach back near the crash site.
“Gods above.” She pushed herself upwards, balancing on the balls of her feet until she regained her strength to stand. “That still doesn’t explain why you look nearly identical to Algos,” Tav pressured. “Are you a changeling of some sort?”
“It’s more complicated than that, but I will clarify as much as I’m able,” it started, folding its hands together below its waist. “I can connect with, not only yours, but all your companion’s tadpoles. Through those connections, we’re able to communicate telepathically. The visions within your thoughts sometimes become like a puzzle for me to piece together; other times, they are transparent.”
“Algos” held out its arm to the side signaling for them to take a walk. “Your trances have been consumed with images of this man whose likeness I have taken on. When I realized I could properly meet you through your dreams, I decided the best way would be for me to greet you through the image of someone you once knew. Perhaps I did not deduce the full gravity of your emotions towards this human, and for that, I apologize. It is not my intention to deceive you—quite the opposite actually.”
Tav held up her hands, swirling her index fingers in a backwards circle around the other. “Wait, back up. Am I to understand that you also have a worm inside your head and you can hear or see my thoughts?”
“The uncomplicated answer is: yes.”
Her brow lifted suspiciously. “And the complicated answer?”
The “changeling, yet not changeling” considered her question, a droll hum rumbling at the top of his throat. “First: may I change into someone more palatable for you? Then, we can discuss some of your queries.”
“How are you even able to do that? Is it like a flick of the wrist and bibbidi-bobbidi—nevermind. I mean, please go ahead, just…nobody I know.”
Except, it did shift into someone she recognized. A highly regarded older graying woman that was oft mentioned amongst the civilians for her astute political position in the ‘Council of Four’ as they propagated the daily streets in Baldur's Gate. One that she had never formally met, but saw distributing a few coins into her tip bag while playing the lute on street corners within the big city.
“Duke Belynne Stelmane?” Tav huffed out an unbelievable laugh, planting her hands on either side of her hips.
The morphing creature presented her with a closed mouth grin, identical to that shrewd pucker Stalmane typically touted. “Yes. Do you know about her?”
“It would be hard not to; she is one of the most important women in power along the Sword Coast. I never had the opportunity to speak with her seeing as we obviously ran in different cliques,” the bard answered truthfully. “Did you know her personally?”
“For a while. She was a dear friend to me and one that helped me to seize back my life at some point. We worked together to make a real change out there. But, that time has aged and deteriorated.”
‘Curious,’ she thought. ‘Those unblinking eyes barely show a hint of emotion.’
“I am sorry to hear that Duke—ahem, could I possibly call you by a different name? Just in case you decide to have another glamorous makeover that I may not recognize next time,” Tav teased. “How about the name ‘Dreamy?’”
“You may call me whatever you wish for the time being,” Dreamy coolly accepted.
“Grand! How about we take that walk now?”
They circumnavigated the rocky terrain several passes as Dreamy patiently answered Tav’s questioning scruples. It explained to her that the tadpoles were swaddled in exceptional magic that prevented withdrawal, but she should evaluate learning how to use their power as it may be the only way to save the possible destruction of Faerûn. Its only option was to steal the power that was now protecting them, but at the cost of creating a lot of enemies.
“When I discovered information that these ‘True Souls’ began infecting the people by turning them into their own vessels, I realized they meant to do more damage than creating a surplus of mind flayers—they wanted dominion over them,” Dreamy stated as it turned to view Tav’s shock. “True Souls carry the same supernaturally-infused tadpoles as yourself. The only variation being that those that are infected with normal worms hear the True Souls as if they are connected by a colony hivemind and believe them to be gods.”
Her mind raced trying to process the minutiae to the bigger picture. This was nowhere near what she had predicted after wobbling out of that flayer pod; this was a sentient, respiring nightmare. Would it even be possible to eradicate the True Souls if they wielded that amount of power? And what about the consumption of additional tadpoles? Dreamy failed to mention side effects that could be associated with such risks.
“I-I’m unsure what to say,” Tav muttered at a loss for words, stretching her arm upwards to tug at the skin above her collarbone as if she was still proving to herself that any measure of this was real. “May I return now? Out of this dream and back to camp. I need to speak with everyone as soon as possible.”
“You have been through enough tonight, I will sever the connection as you’d like,” it said, bowing respectively without a single hair of Stelmane’s resemblance loosening out of place.
Her lips pulled up in gratitude while she watched Dreamy walk a few paces ahead, once again beholding a fascination for an object out in the oil slicked atmosphere.
“Tavelle?” It asked before a pregnant pause, the clanking of its armor becoming silent in the unfamiliar ether. “Do you think you should tell them?”
“Tell them what?”
“About what happened to your family.”
Tav inquisitively stared at Dreamy as she sharply took a breath, the thudding of her heart jumping into her windpipe. “Why? All of Faerûn already knows what I’ve done.”
⸺⋘✤⋙⸺
“Do you trust it?”
“Hmm?”
“The dream guardian. Do you trust it?” Gale persisted, biting softly into an impeccably made cheese sandwich.
Shaking herself from focusing on the shoddy stitchwork in her lap, Tav amusedly spied a couple breadcrumbs becoming lost in his unkempt beard “No? Hells, I don’t know. It certainly told us a convincing tale. What about you?”
“I typically like to err on the side of caution, but I’m in agreement with you: it did tell us a convincing tale. The fact that it conveyed nearly the same story to us through our dreamstate, makes me think we are its only hope. But, this could be yet another trick. Let us carry on and see what comes of this protector of ours for the present.”
Around them, a chilled breeze in the late afternoon warned of the beginning transition into sunset. The day had been wrought with conversations surrounding the group’s mutual restlessness about where the lines of reality and dreams blurred pertaining to the peculiar protector. Yet, there was no hesitance in expressing their heedfulness about Dreamy.
The wizard took another large chomp into his snack while he plopped down onto the crate, moaning in culinary bliss. “‘av, ‘o yoo wa’t ‘um? I’s ree’y goo’!” He excitedly said pointing at the sandwich with his mouth full.
“I’m sure it does taste good—judging by how loudly you’re chewing—but I’ll pass this time, Gale. Thank you,” she hastily replied, growing more frustrated with the lapse of her sewing needle determined to create a crooked line.
“Ah,” he hissed out, swallowing chunks of Waterdhavian down his hatch. “Honestly, all that’s missing is a bottle of Athkatlan clarry wine.”
“Bollocks! I can’t deal with this right now,” she huffed out, tossing the tailoring kit and torn shirt aside.
Gale turned to her, a fair amount of worry drooping his bark colored eyes. “Want to talk about it?”
How could she possibly ever explain everything to him? She could feel herself packed to the brim, ready to burst through those seams at any moment whenever she began to dwell. The tadpoles. Algos. This journey. The dream guardian. And whatever the fuck her involvement continued to be with Astarion, had her wound like a rubberband ball about to unsnap.
The bard lifted her knees to rest the side of her face against them. Her hair unplaited, captured the last chirps from the evening songbirds upon each strand blown in the wind. “I’m not even sure where to start.”
“The beginning may be as good a place as any. After what you did for me—standing for my honor against the others concerning the Netherese orb—listening is the least I could do for our troubled leader.”
Tav seriously pondered over his words. “You don’t owe me anything. None of you do. Being here is sufficient.”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Is it? Sufficient—I mean.”
“What are you implying?” She asked with a hint of unease in her soft pitch.
Gale raised his head to peer out towards Wyll and Lae’zel preparing the evening campfire. “You know, when I locked myself up in my tower for that fretful year, I had nobody except for Tara,” he proceeded with his thoughts. “One full year waffling in my depression and consuming whatever magical items I could to stabilize this infestation in my chest. One full year of never reaching out to another to relinquish some of my misery, convincing myself it was my own burden to bear. Maybe I could have blamed some of my pridefulness on my lack of seeking another’s sympathy, but I will say, after I was captured by the mind flayers and took up with you all, I realized just how starved I was to share my struggles those that would have my best interest in heart.”
As she listened to the wizard’s voice—which reminded her of roasted chestnuts over a fire—attempting to lull her into a vulnerable place, Tav began to trace all their companion’s names in elvish Espruar letterings into the dirt. With each elegant curve she made, her index finger either thickened or thinned its script. She wondered if amongst her index finger’s fluidity imprinting these names into the ground, which of them—if any—could lay their hands over her metaphorically slumped body in an act to invoke a holy entity for her healing. Yet, her impulse to safeguard what was still left within her mortal heart took precedence, leaving her with bouts of emptiness where trusted connections should form.
Astarion had been right all along: nothing was holding her hostage except herself.
“What I’m trying to say is that perhaps it’s not me you wish to unload any of this haul of yours onto, but I have little doubt that a single one of us would turn you away if you wished to do so,” Gale ended, fixing his gaze on her.
Tav froze her mindless scribbles in the middle of drawing Astarion’s name. She lifted her head to gently grin at him. “You are singing to the bard here, Gale,” she replied, laughing at her own corny joke. “But know that it is never something to take personally. Maybe after I’ve found time to recharge, I can try to talk about the myriad of problems I always seem to have. Would that suffice?”
He patted her on the back, grunting a noise resembling a throaty “yes.”
Familiar post-mortem gouge,
A lance through her vitals.
Rearing bestial head,
Close and closer it came,
Scraping and howling to blow down the bricks to her castle walls.
From high above the turrets,
She would tearfully shoot the animal down.
And then mourn its lifeless shape,
For the offense of trying to see inside her.
“Ahem,” an unreserved voice cleared itself, announcing himself to them.
Astarion had arrived, leisurely walking by with his impossibly straight nose pointing down at a book in his hands. His loose curls relaxed along the nape of his neck as his chin tucked a little further into his chest.
Gale sat up straight in his seat, running a hand through his brown hair to find relief from the assaulting tresses tickling his face. “How many times has he passed by us now?”
“Three. He’s pouting and hoping I’ll change the terms of my arrangement with him,” Tav responded, sighing.
The vampire kept his garnet view studying the pages in his book. “You do realize I’m able to hear the two of you gossiping hens from here, don’t you?” He sneered.
“Hello again, Astarion,” Gale called out. “You’re sounding rather optimistic tonight. Is there anything we can do for you?”
Tav jumped to her feet before he could answer, dusting earth from her rear end. “Astarion, are you hungry? It’s been a bit since you’ve fed on me and it’s best if you’re healthy, especially given what we are facing tomorrow with the gith.”
Without lifting his head away from the book to glare at her, he waved her off disdainfully. “Sorry darling, but I think my palette is evolving to a taste that’s less…stale. But, I bid goodnight to everyone not named Gale.”
“Yes, well, please do let us know how we can inconvenience you yet again on your fourth stroll around here!” The wizard shouted as Astarion roamed away towards a set of archway ruins overlooking the mountainous valley.
Tav stared at his back as he left their vicinity, unsurprised by his reaction. She nipped at the inside of her cheek, ruminating on their last interaction during their spar. Did he believe she was trying to punish him with the boundaries she set? Their failed companionship was one item to gripe about, but overall, she wanted Astarion to survive with them with his freedom intact. Why couldn’t he see how much she cared—
Then, an idea struck her. Impulsive and dangerous. An exact counterbalance to her predicament undertaking his hunger.
Wiggling a dagger out from its sheath tied to her belt, she placed the sharp blade against her right forearm. “Gale, will you find me an empty bottle?”
He gawked at her. “Gods. Let me jot down that bloodletting is an active interest of yours. Whatever are you doing?”
“When a patient refuses to take their medication, it is usually hidden in their food or drink for their own benefit. If Astarion continues to be stubborn in his feedings, I’ll just have to concede to a different way in helping him. He’s not the only one that can tempt another,” she smirked, deciding on the proper area to slice.
Mouth agape, pupils larger than copper coins, Gale ran off to retrieve her request with his robes swishing fastidiously behind him. Almost instantaneously, he returned stumbling over his feet with an empty bottle, clean bandages, and a quartered-filled healing potion.
“Here, this should do. The healing potion should stop most of your bleeding, but not right away—hence the dressings.”
“Greatly appreciated,” Tav beamed. “Actually, this may go better if you could hold the bottle for me. If I die, be sure to let Shadowheart know I forced you to help with a charm spell before she resurrects me.”
Gale silently assented, pacing himself until he stood close enough to hold the container under her arm. “Tav, I realize this may be none of my business, but why even bother? I know you care about the man, but is it really worth continuing to sacrifice your own health for? For any of us really. Perhaps it’s best to leave him be.”
He made a lot of valid criticisms, but her memories of the past decade were a potent drug. Alone. Frightened. Traversing the lands with no support. Her name: a stain on her people and her family’s triumphs. Because of this, Tav vowed to herself and to the incorporeal buzzards circling overhead waiting for her collapse, that any person she became acquainted with would not have to face their suffering alone as she had.
The bard grit her teeth together, slowly cutting through several blood vessels in her arm. As her crimson dripped in hurried rivulets, she positioned the wound over the glass.
“No. I can’t do that to him,” Tav weighed in, starting to feel lightheaded. “Much like I said I wouldn’t abandon you, I won’t abandon him either. Gale, he needs to be given a real decent chance to live again so he can see what a good life can offer him. I don’t think he understands what that means and, gods help me, I’m determined to at least help push him in the right direction if it’s within my ability.”
A sympathetic expression washed over his face as he held tighter onto the small container while it filled with her ichor. “I didn’t before, but I think I slightly understand now why you protect him—us—as you do. You’re too good for this world and I pray Astarion sees what your compassion is capable of doing.”
“W-well, I don’t know about that,“ she timidly blushed, resheathing the blade while she scrambled to unravel the bandages to tie around the gash. “Mayhaps I am being preposterous, but I really believe Astarion has something good inside him that hasn’t had a chance to grow in 200 years. Imagine being forced to suppress your growth and emotions for that long in order to survive. Would it be so terrible of me to help him search for that?”
“Terrible? No. A damned lunatic? Yes.”
⸺⋘✤⋙⸺
Rosymorn Monastery Trail was a location that appeared suspended in time. Vast jagged mountainous rocks reaching high into the heavens above. Overgrown trees refused mercy to the ridges they shoved their roots into, leaving behind a surreal sight to behold. Built alongside the trail were shrines and statues dedicated to the dawn god Lathander—some in literal ruins, others standing proud. All forgotten. Left to nature’s decay.
The dusk showed the first presentations of celestial bodies over the breathtaking scenery, dimly twinkling as they labored to shine brightest through refracted streams of light. They reminded Tav of the vampire she was on foot to visit, peacocking his demeanor as if he wanted to be noticed while a preferred distance remained a tumultuous comfort.
In her hand, she clenched the bottle of her prepared blood, wondering how Astarion would receive the expiatory truce. Should he refuse, her defeat would be taken into the underworld, letting the spirits from their continued disputes roam the meadows of ordinary souls. Yet, if he accepted, even their united breath could help them conquer any that confronted them: gods; true souls; themselves.
Though Gale's earlier woes weren’t without merit, Astarion’s needs may extend beyond her remediable efforts. However, who ever genuinely tried? The tiniest granule of real unfettered hope could change everything for him—unlike Algos who believed fear was more powerful than hope.
Fucking Algos, she snarled to herself. In my dreams. In my thoughts. Even in the afterlife, you’ll never leave me be, will you?
Yet, being alone in the moment, permitted her to meditate on why her trances had been enthralled by her ex lover lately. Tav could never quite escape her nightmares germane to him, even after his death, but following the Nautiloid collision, they hounded her into turbulent—sometimes insomniac—nights. The only reason she could chalk up, had to be because her mind was trying to warn her of the similarities between Algos and Astarion: self-serving, manipulative, at times cruel, and far too concerned with outward appearances. Comparative personality quirks, yes, but weren’t they used for different tactics? It was palpable what Algos’s intentions were, but for Astarion, Tav suspected it was a way to survive.
Conversely, Astarion was the only one between the two men that had treated her as an actual human being despite his historical flaws. He respected her autonomy, although he loved to disagree with her. When she announced her boundaries, he didn’t barge through them to control her, but instead insisted she didn’t put up enough of them—at least when it came to anyone other than him, that scoundrel. Most of all, he never took anything from her unless she agreed to it.
To Astarion, perhaps these actions meant naught to him other than some part of his personal moral compass he routinely enacted. Whereas for Tav, these were exhibitions of consideration for her well-being that he may never understand what they truly meant to her.
Maybe she really was a lunatic. Maybe she was some idiot who couldn't help but to throw herself into another man’s haunted house. Or maybe her muddled head was overthinking too many disorderly thoughts that she failed to notice her arrival at the wrecked archway attached to what was left of an abandoned sanctuary.
Shivers prickled down her spine while she briskly searched the area for any evidence that the spawn was closeby. “Astarion, are you here?”
Over crumbling and desolate blanched stones, she anchoraged herself with the foundation of her lower body. The bard’s eartips perked up, attuning to the awakening eve’s sonances. Save for the mating cricket chirps, it was pleasantly silent. She walked through the open arch, peering out towards the empty cliff behind the building.
“‘Starion?” Tav whispered.
“Ah, and thus does the bouquet arrive to offer unto me chastisements for biting words,” a nasally voice odically narrated on the other side of a neglected wall holding the arches afloat.
“Oh my gods!” She yelped out in surprise, nearly dropping the vessel of her sanguine fluid.
He was leaning casually back against the ruinous wall with his eyes peacefully shut, letting her ogle bluish thin capillaries webbing his lids. The black and plum coat he often wore was unbuckled, opened wide, revealing a plunging neckline above his usual ruffly shirt underneath. And, oh, did the moonlight ever decide to accentuate the forbidden dips of his collarbone and pointed jawline right when her gaze fluidly crossed his path.
Tav’s view dropped away, cheeks reddened as if she had caught him in an intimate moment. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over vampires' corpselike stillness,” she noted with a jittery chuckle, coming down from her adrenaline spike.
The vampire’s right eye opened, appraising her gestures as he inhaled heavily through his nostrils. “Are you wounded? You smell like you’ve been doused in your own blood.”
“Something like that,” she confirmed, lifting up the bottle and confidently pushing it in his direction. “A peace offering.”
“A potion? Darling, you shouldn’t have! How did you know this is what I’ve always wanted?” Astarion mocked in annoyance, pushing off the wall to grip the bottom of the glass.
Tav shook her head. “Not a potion. Open it.”
He skeptically gaped at her as he popped the cork out. A single sniff into the dense bottled air, bathed his expression in euphoric and ravenous delight. The tips of his fangs glistened with a string of saliva connecting one of them to his tongue when his mouth fell open. Low groans, short and reverberating, slipped out, leaving the woman’s heart fluttering.
Seconds passed before he spoke, his accent thickly laced with hunger. “What did you do?” He mumbled, bringing his sight to level with hers.
Tav removed her hand from the object, allowing its heft to nest in his grasp. “The day after you told me you were a vampire, we made an agreement for you to drink my blood as needed. This may be an unconventional method to do so, but I mean to uphold what I promised to you regardless of what’s going on between us.”
“Where?” He breathed out.
“Where what?”
“Where did you cut yourself open?”
She held up her forearm, hidden from view by her long-sleeved blouse. “It doesn’t hurt much; I drank half of a healing potion to stop the bleeding. I wanted to catch up with you before it chilled, but I can always go see Shadowheart later on to close it up properly.”
Astarion narrowly squinted at her arm, then back to her shy simper.
“Don’t do this again. Not for me; not for anyone. If I need your blood, I’ll feed from you when the others are around—per your suggestion,” he firmly stated, frowning.
Like a hallucinogenic taking effect, there was a waxing vagrancy in his eyes. Tav assumed some recollections of his chronological life, where the electric wirings in his brain became polluted, had swam through his cerebral nerves.
This was not the reaction she had anticipated. Tinges of guilt cratered themselves in her stomach, like bombs being dropped onto the ground. Amid their last tiff, Astarion had been absolutely resilient—dubious even—when Tav proposed a new feeding arrangement due to his disassociating incidents. Why did he suddenly change his mind?
She resisted sinking her teeth into her lip. “Have I upset you? I’m sorry if—”
He combed his thieving fingers through his fluffed coif, ending with a sigh. “You haven’t upset me, songbird.”
Tav stuffed her hands into her back pockets, avoiding his unreadable guise. She didn’t want to explore his response further. “Okay, good. That's good."
Loud barking at the camp’s site, saved her from the awkward silence they were wallowing inside. Someone shrieked—possibly Wyll—at Scratch for stealing their underclothes off the temporary clothesline they erected. The distracted bard merrily puffed away a chuckle, imagining the feisty dog darting through their tents with a pair of shorts in his muzzle.
As she directed her attention back towards Astarion, swift torrents from her bottled crimson cascaded into his gullet as he swallowed. Her lips were consumed with a warm smile as she watched visible glowing pinks tint his pallored skin from her blood filling his body. Engrossed by the sight of him, Tav allowed a single memory of teeth marks and tongue frisks branding her. She introspectively touched the side of her neck, finding that she missed the two punctures that had mended.
Astarion wiped his mouth, gingerly swiping up blood droplets. “Something wrong?”
Using her wit as a deterrent from her gawking, the songstress deflected. “N-Nothing. Well, not nothing, but I was just thinking about something I haven’t told you yet. Do you think you can keep a secret?”
His lips curled impishly. “Entrusting a vampire with your secrets? What an objectively brainless thing to do.”
Like a bullet cleaving the wind, she speedily thought of a ridiculous, yet honest fact about her.
Besides, it couldn’t hurt to be a little open with him.
She innocently studied him under gossamer lashes as he ingested another red mouthful. “Urm, well, you were also my first…”
“What?!” He coughed up after gulping a huge liquidy glob.
“…in a decade,” Tav giggled, breaking her previous act. “You were the first man I’ve slept with since my ex.”
“Bloody hells! Had I a functional heart, I think it would have seized just now.”
It wasn’t that she hadn’t been propositioned during her ten year drought. On the contrary, plenty of men—sometimes women—pledged marriages, endless wealth, distinguished titles, even rare treasures, to have her company in their personal quarters since her last relationship flatlined. Compelling words they undulated into the flue of her ear about tasting her skin until she would give her heart to them. Oaths to help her become the most famous bard in Toril, like enticing wildfires from treacherous tongues.
But, none of it mattered to Tav. She already knew she couldn’t trust them. They never offered her what she wanted—what she needed. Never bothering to unfasten even a fraction of her armor to see what was moored underneath. All her fragility and sorrow waiting to be exposed like a creature sliced open upon a taxidermist’s table.
Until she met Astarion and he saw right through the remnants she tried to mask.
Astarion swigged the rest of the bottle’s contents, releasing a pleased keen. “Call me a scamp all you want, but if you had asked me to deflower you, I would have at least treated you to a romantic dinner of half-eaten apples and stale bread beforehand,” he teased, spryly reaching out to brush the back of his knuckles along her jaw.
She playfully pushed his furled fingers away. “Knave!”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Would you have preferred tenderized lamb shank and white wine?” He taunted, examining his spread fingers out in front of him. “Our options are clearly limited to a more—bleh—provincial lifestyle.”
Laughing, she lightly thudded her back against the wall, pulling fountains of hair over her shoulder. Astarion mirrored the elf, resting his body next to hers, shoulders inches apart. Their breaths tapered into steady and mellow flows, each trying to match the other.
“So, was your ex love your first?” He curiously asked after a time, wiggling his brows.
“No, thank the gods,” Tav informed. “Aah, my first was a young elven man. A sailor visiting his family in Highmoon. It happened so fast, I barely remember anything from it aside from the, ahem, initial pain. He was sweet and a gentleman, so I suppose it could have been worse.”
“Tsk. Had it been me, I would have taken my time with you.”
She blushed, clasping her hands together nervously. “What about you? Who was your first?”
Astarion’s face tensed. “I can’t remember,” he said softly.
Tav looked at the ground somberly, saddened he may never regain his memories. Her guts burned thinking about what Cazador took from him and how, when they finally reached Baldur’s Gate, the vampire lord would not even have the chance to knock at his true death’s door.
The spawn shifted, placing a loose fist under his chin in thought. “Ten years without so much as a single caress, huh? No wonder you were so…,” he trailed off.
“So, what?”
“...sensitive.”
“Gods, I should’ve taken that one to my grave,” Tav lamented, florid embarrassment heating tender skin down the length of her ear from pointed tip to lobe.
Astarion laughed at her, showing his upper row of teeth. “With my ravishing looks and debonair, bedding me was bound to happen either way.”
“That’s not why—you know that’s not why I slept with you, right?” She replied tilting her head at him as she crossed her foot one in front of the other. “Being intimate with you actually came as a bit of a surprise to me.”
He rotated his head, focusing on her with roguish eyes aglow. “Okay, I’ll bite. If you would like to do the honors of fluffing my ego, why choose me to be your first after all that time?”
Before sleeping with Astarion, Tav undeniably missed having sex. How its divinity left her with stains bordering a perverted religious baptism of climaxing deaths. Or the aftermath that granted venerated connection in the arms of a lover—its carnality secondary to the special bond that had formed.
Though she discovered through their brief reverie that they may not have been meant for each other, the bard confessed she had wished for more with Astarion. Yes, she had every justifiable reason to abhor the man—especially with how he had hurt her—but Tav could not forget how he made her feel like she wasn’t a ruined afterthought and that her heart could stir once more. There lay something bittersweet, full of acceptance and forgiveness, in those insights as she clung so tightly to those whirl-winded emotions. With everything that they had been through already, she knew death’s hand could claim their lives at any moment with no pardons for a final eulogy of contrition. Knowing this, Tav wanted to absolve them from their mistakes and animosity towards each other in order to move forward with grace.
Under the cosmos, they connected by flesh.
Lonely wanderers: drifting, searching, waiting to be free.
Under the cosmos, they did part.
Runaways still enslaved by scars of old stones.
She gazed up at the stars. “I think I may have made a mistake in somehow making you believe I only wanted sex from you, and for that, I sincerely apologize. You are attractive. You are a fantastic lover. But, that’s not all you are. When I mentioned that we needed to get to know each other better before we were intimate, I wasn’t lying. I wanted to learn about you as a person.”
Twisting her neck, Tav swept her stormy mist-filled eyes up the scope of his neck, directly meeting his widened ruby stare. “Despite the fact that your behavior has done harm and makes me want to trim off those gorgeous curls of yours sometimes, I still can’t imagine completing this pilgrimage without you. We may be better suited to stay friends, but ‘Starion, I want to believe I can trust you to have my back as I have yours. Without trust, we have nothing.”
For several beats, Astarion did not move. She observed as his pupils dilated and undilated, battling through miles of his ageless carnage. Then, he blinked at her. Once. Twice. Until his chest inhaled her scent into him.
He cleared his throat, weary creases returning to his forehead. “You want to shave my head?”
“Only in theory or when you’ve angered me.”
“Not like I needed to trance with one eye open from now on or anything, you horrid thing,” he retorted smoothly.
Tav simpered stupidly at him, laying her index finger against his lips to quiet him. “Could we sit here in silence for a little while and watch the stars?”
Astarion silently nodded, depositing a faint smile she couldn’t see, into the heavens above.
⸺⋘✤⋙⸺
Notes:
Elvish name:
Tavelle Etriel'kerymaera = Lady Swordsong
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