#what is even love if it's not this

[itachi-with-a-chicken]

Today I'm here to traumatize you with something probably not so groundbreaking but!! It broke my mind!! So I'm gonna share

I've been thinking about the sentence "you said 'trust me'" and why it felt a bit strange. Like, sure, Crowley trusts Aziraphale. We know that, we know Aziraphale knows that, they say it explicitly for once, so what is the matter

Well, the matter is that Aziraphale asked Crowley to trust him, like it was Aziraphale shooting the shot, but in reality we know it was Crowley the one with the loaded gun

So what was Crowley trusting?

Well, Crowley was trusting Aziraphale, who in return was trusting Crowley with his - technically only corporal - life.

Now, aside for the entire ordeal of not being actually dead only discorporated and ecc ecc, let's speak symbolism

Because in my humble opinion, this is the closest thing we have to an admission of feelings from both of them.

On one side, we have Aziraphale - who is having a quite exciting night between the nazis, the show, the miracle not working, the hots for his knight in a shining armor - who is saying "I know for sure you will never hurt me, you'll find a way, everything will be fine"

If we ever gonna get Aziraphale admitting he's lost his faith, I believe he's gonna recall this moment. He's not praying God, he's on his own, and he's not afraid

(what was it? Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me)

On the other side, Crowley is just having a nightTM: saving their angel in distress (nice), him being grateful (NICE), contraband gone wrong (less nice), flirting with the angel (I don't know how else to call it)(niiice)

A normal tuesday.

Then, the miracle stopped working and they are on their own and they're pointing a loaded gun to their angel and oh boy things are going south fastly. The camera does a great amazing job in expressing how stressed Crowley feels with the trembling and the movement, just right on the spot. It starts trembling from the moment the gun is passed to Crowley, and its underlined when they cut to Furfur and it's perfectly stable, and stops only when the trick is done (amazing I love it)

Crowley is terrified, but Aziraphale said "Trust me" and he did. Only, it's not Aziraphale who is doing the risky part in theory, by shooting and aiming while never firing an arm before. But in practice? He totally is.

From facts, it's not news for us that they'd do anything to keep the other safe, but they can never acknowledge it, right? But here he is, entrusting his very own existence in Crowley capable hands and not only it's risky for a number of reasons, no, that's straight away nuts from any point of view. And it's even nutter (ehehehe like Agnes) when you realize he's doing the very same thing in the 67 by gifting him holy water.

I've always found odd that change of heart by Aziraphale. I couldn't only be because he found the entire heist thing silly, but it's not like they gave us more material to work with.

But in the light of what we saw in the 41 I feel a little bit more certain to say that Aziraphale is moving on the same feeling he moved in the bullet catch.

"I trust you to not hurt me, I trust you to not kill yourself because you know what it would mean to me"

Of course, they cannot speak of it. Of course, all they have is flirty banter and Crowley hyping Aziraphale up for his show. Of course, when Aziraphale gave them holy water, he nearly couldn't stop their feelings from coming to the surface and Aziraphale needed to be the one to put a break on it. They had one (1) public appearance and it took an earthly miracle to not get discovered.

All they had, for so much time, was those silent confessions and those candle light lit and glasses of wine shared. Someday, tho, they will dine at the Ritz (metaphorically, too). (And maybe have some go--sat--damn explicit conversation about their mutual feelings towards each other)

#good omens #good omens 2 #azirapahle #Crowley #aziracrow #azicrow #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots #flashback #meta #more like #wanking and crying #sometimes I think #this is what happens #THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH #that's the tragedy of it #isn't love giving a loaded gun to someone and knowing they won't shoot at you #what is even love if it's not this #crowley #aziraphale

[noelledeltarune]

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

#talk tag #IT KILLS ME. REIGEN IS NOT MOB'S DAD. HE HAS A DAD. INGO IS NOT AKARI'S DAD. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN ANYONE HEAR ME #(not even necessarily to say that ingo is in his late 20s but still) #(even if he was a 30-40-50 year old no matter how old he is no fucking teenager is gonna call some guy they met as a 15 year old ''dad'') #GAI IS NOT A FATHER FIGURE TO ROCK LEE HE WAS LIKE 13 WHEN HE WAS BORN! PLEASE!!!!!!!! #one time i saw that a ​person wrote a fic where mario was like a father figure to luigi. #they are TWIN BROTHERS. #not what this about but idk where else i can say anything about this. #just horrible #also sometimes someone is just An Older Friend like no familial relationship just a friend or acquaintance who is a lot older than you

[noknowshame]

why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?

#instant conversation enders for my multiple youth pastor cousins #don’t say it (I’m gonna say it) #The Child is The Price #but i mean come on #as someone who isn't actually even christian the real-life historical version of this is still cursed as fuck #i mean we know that jesus was a person who existed. whatever circumstances he was born in #its terrifyingly ominous to imagine being so unaware of the affect your child will have on the future of humanity #time itself will one day be counted around your birth of him #and all because he will suffer an excruciatingly painful death that you will not be able to prevent #not only that. but regardless of his or your intentions #regardless of whether there is a god #for millenea unfathomable millions will have blood spilled and will spill blood in his name #atrocities will be committed that you cannot even conceive of #and all on his and your behalf #you love your child. its beautiful. but there's horror in what you've done. because everyone else will love him too #and what's more dangerous than that?

[salt-baby]

yes, doctors suck, but also "the medical ethics and patient interaction training doctors receive reinforces ableism" and "the hyper competitive medical school application process roots out the poor, the disabled, and those who would diversify the field" and "anti-establishment sentiment gets applications rejected and promotions requests denied, weeding out the doctors on our side" and "the gruesome nature of the job and the complete lack of mental health support for medical practitioners breeds apathy towards patients" and "insurance companies often define treatment solely on a cost-analysis basis" and "doctors take on such overwhelming student loan debt they have no choice but to pursue high paying jobs at the expense of their morals" are all also true

none of this absolves doctors of the truly horrendous things they say and do to patients, but it's important to acknowledge that rather than every doctor being coincidentally a bad person, there is something specific about this field and career path that gives rise to such high prevalence of ableist attitudes

and I WILL elaborate happily

#theres so much that contributes to this #and its such a traditional field that any change takes ten years to take effect even when its not as controversial as disability rights #ive no lost love for doctors as a whole #but the deeper causes here need to be examined to understand how this problem manifested and what can be done to fix it #disability #chronic illness #ableism #premed #medicine #salt baby talks

[p0nyr0ni]

#neigh say #skyrim #the hyperfixation i get on skyrim every couple of years is back 👍🏻 #it’s kind of insane that i’ve been playing skyrim since like 2012 and i’ve never actually finished it #i love doing thousands of side quests ! i don’t even rlly know what the main plot line is ! #pony’s greatest hits

[lungthief]

listen. i know it's not 2014 anymore and i know it's just a throwaway line and that the russo brothers didnt intend for marvel action blockbuster captain america the winter soldier to become the tragic gay love story that never was but man. having steve say "it's kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience" in a conversation about romantic relationships right before the bucky reveal is so cruel. it's not just about steve and bucky obviously having the shared experience of being "out of time," it's the fact that they've both been stripped of their humanity in opposite directions. steve is a legend, he is an american hero and a national icon before he is a human being the same way that bucky is a weapon and a killing machine before he is a human being. steve knows that anyone who falls in love with him in the 21st century fell in love with captain america first, and that's just not him. but then the one person who knew him first and knew him best and loved him (not captain america, that little guy from brooklyn) so much he died for it is alive, impossibly. and it's a miracle because he's back and it's horrific because he's back under the worst possible circumstances. but to steve, the winter soldier is worth tearing the world apart for because he's always been bucky first. they find each other and suddenly they're human again. and maybe, despite it all, being "out of time" becomes a blessing, because in this century they'd finally be allowed to love each other the way they've always wanted to. like real people do.

like. no. the captain america trilogy isn't about two queer men traumatized and alienated by war and modern life rediscovering and reclaiming their humanity through their love for each other. but. i mean. it couldve been

#like you get why all the fics about those two are insane right. the narrative is just so goddamn compelling #and thats not even getting into the whole thing abt the serum curing steve of every ailment except his love for bucky #which makes him realize it was never an ailment to begin with (despite the commonly held beliefs about homosexuality in the 1940s) #and bucky being *electroshocked* again and again into forgetting steve #like howd you make your gay ass movie that gay and not realize it. its kinda impressive #sorry for the ridiculous stucky retrospective its 4am and i rewatched the winter soldier recently #its not that deep. its not its not its not . but if it was anything other than what it is it could have been. and thats the worst part #shut up riley #marvel #stucky

[ski-ip]

skin and bones

#dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi fanart #farcille #marcille donato #farlyn touden #falin touden #farlyn #dunmeshi #delicious in dungeon #can you tell i love angsty shit #experimental #what even is composition

[xx-sketchy-xx]

LOOOK, LOOK WHAT MY MOTHER MADE FROM CAKE. AAAAAAAAAA-

#welcome home art #wally darling #welcome home wally #adorable #my mom did this for my birthday #What a fantastic surprise #I love her so much #i almost cried fr #Cake Wally fr #She even looked up canon pictures of him to get it right #Guys #i cant breath #i ate his head #And I cried while doing it #Y’all Wally tastes so good

[theoldkyokodied]

The Allegiance of the Ascended Vampire and the New God of Magic

#bloodweave #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gale x astarion #astarion x gale #gale dekarios #astarion ancunin #yes this is about astarion helping gale defeat mystra and take her place with the crown in exchange for gale helping him with the ritual #the ‘they can make each other worse’ part of their relationship turned to the max #I enjoy them being reluctantly soft for each other more but from time to time I just think about how powerful they could get together #toxic evil boyfriends. take love and twist it up until it’s unrecognisable #I like to think that astarion approached gale with that offer after realising no one else in camp is gonna help him #and that he can use gales own hunger for power which backfired when astarion actually became emotionally invested in gale #and after gale kept his word despite everyone’s concerns astarion changed his plan from not fullfilling his end of the bargain to actually #helping gale kill mystra (mostly so that gale could belong to him and him alone. and letting him take the place as a god bc having a god #at you beck and call is definitely appealing. especially one as eager to please as gale) #anyway what I want to say with this is please please please let me kill mystra i don’t even care if the weave gets destroyed again

[diabolicjoy]

you can start learning anything you always wanted at any point in your life. & how nice it is to remember that

#a new language a new instrument.. you can even learn how to sing opera if you wish #learn how to knit socks. or to build a wooden chair #or simply going to school for something you just found out you love at age 35 #go to a goddamn tango class!!!! if you that’s what you want #you can learn anything!! anything!!! & there’s teachers everywhere also #je.txt

[blupoh]

analog horror needs to let go of daisy bell I am FED UP

#plutoposting #it isn’t scary anymore you guys have run it into the ground #hell it wasn’t even scary at all #it’s just a song about a guy wanting to provide for his bride with what little he has #that’s lovely

[rexalogy]

Every Taylor Swift song

#I truly truly cannot empathize with anyone in limerence with her in fact it feels betraying. #all of the interesting beautiful art in the world and the only thing you can blow up is another implicitly conservative value white woman? #having to write narratives about her hypothetical dykeishness to feel comfortable with that dissonance? as if that would even absolve her #it’s not that I hate Taylor I just hate this unwillingness to engage with where her worldview has serious limitations and it seeps #throughout her discography. I think loving art comes with being able to recognize where it fails #what politics are present in it. it’s not deep it’s not subtext it’s all just right there

[notbrucewayne48]

"aphobia doesn't exist"

bitch literally not that long ago an aroace youtuber animator was insulted by almost half of its community for being it

#i did some research about it and found out that the problem was principally that she had previous experience in the romantic area #so people just didn't take her seriously and said she was lying #even though she stated multiple times that she wasn't comfortable in those situations #now things are more calmed but damn #mind your own bussiness #i believe she knows more about herself than you #sorry if i offended you with this comment but i hate how aro/ace/aroace people are always left behind #insulted and rejected because they “dont know what they are talking about” #or because they “just have to wait for the right person” #or because they are “psychopaths and they are missing something” #i love that animator and she helped me realise a lot about myself #and now that i know the context i think i will start making a list and killing aphobes one by one #aromantic #arospec #asexual #aroace #acespec

[skapediem]

saw spiderverse twice today and pavitr prabhakar did you know that you are EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!

#spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderverse #pavitr prabhakar #spiderman india #across the spiderverse #the goods #I LOVED THIS MOVIE SOOOOOOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOOSSOSOOSOSOSOSOOOOO MUCH #went to go see it by myself in the arvo (bought a pavitr funko while i was at it) then went again w my mates again in the evening #ITS SOOOOOOOO GOOD. SUCH A FUCKIN FEAST. ITS IF U GOT WHATS UP DANGER AND STRETCHED IT ACROSS 2 HOURS #fuck it was good.

[inkskinned]

i love when words fit right. seize was always supposed to be that word, and so was jester. tuesday isn't quite right but thursday should be thursday, that's a good word for it. daisy has the perfect shape to it, almost like you're laughing when you say it; and tulip is correct most of the time. while keynote is fun to say, it's super wrong - i think they have to change the label for that one. but fox is spot-on.

most words are just, like, good enough, even if what they are describing is lovely. the night sky is a fine term for it but it isn't perfect the way november is the correct term for that month.

it's not just in english because in spanish the phrase eso si que es is correct, it should be that. sometimes other languages are also better than the english words, like how blue is sloped too far downwards but azul is perfect and hangs in the air like glitter. while butterfly is sweet, i think probably papillion is more correct, although for some butterflies féileacán is much better. year is fine but bliain is better. sometimes multiple languages got it right though, like how jueves and Πέμπτη are also the right names for thursday. maybe we as a species are just really good at naming thursdays.

and if we were really bored and had a moment and a picnic to split we could all sit down for a moment and sort out all the words that exist and find all the perfect words in every language. i would show you that while i like the word tree (it makes you smile to say it), i think arbor is correct. you could teach me from your language what words fit the right way, and that would be very exciting (exciting is not correct, it's just fine).

i think probably this is what was happening at the tower of babel, before the languages all got shifted across the world and smudged by the hand of god. by the way, hand isn't quite right, but i do like that the word god is only 3 letters, and that it is shaped like it is reflecting into itself, and that it kind of makes your mouth move into an echoing chapel when you cluck it. but the word god could also fit really well with a coathanger, and i can't explain that. i think donut has (weirdly) the same shape as a toothbrush, but we really got bagel right and i am really grateful for that.

grateful is close, but not like thunder. hopefully one day i am going to figure out how to shape the way i love my friends into a little ceramic (ceramic is very good, almost perfect) pot and when they hold it they can feel the weight of my care for them. they can put a plant in there. maybe a daisy.

#warm up #writeblr. #i am not going to personally comment on the pineapple debate #some things are too big for me. #maybe we could have everything on earth choose their own names. #wouldn't that be fun #it is a creative writing exercise. okay. ily #''why only these languages?'' ..... bc i dont know every language #sorry :( #PLEASE leave me comments about what words u think are correct. i love learning them #btw! this isn't saying these are the most BEAUTIFUL words for it... just the words that are the most CORRECT #like i quite like the word ''keynote'' as mentioned. it's got a lot of fun sounds in it. #but it is not CORRECT. #''gloaming''' is interesting and fun and poetic but it is NOT correct . evening is MORE correct #but less beautiful. #does that make sense?

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop