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exhaustedwriterartist · 3 days

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A Completely Normal Post About Plants.

Specifically the poison kind. A continuation of this conversation with @crowsandturtlesandbatsohmy and @icequeenabby.

I will go over some of my favorite poisonous plants, and a plant that @nyaboshi brought up because it's really cool. I will share a picture of each plant, a fun fact about it, if it is used in medicine or if it has another purpose, the type of poison/toxin it contains, and what that does to the human body.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert. Just someone who enjoys hyperfixating on many different subjects. Enjoy my brain rot.

Anyways the plants:

CW: Mentions of death, execution, and poison (obviously lol)

IMPORTANT!!!! Just in case I forget to mention this on any of these plants, every part of all these plants is toxic.

Another note: Whenever I refer to gastrointestinal issues/diseases, I am usually referring to nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach/abdominal pain, etc.

Foxglove

(Digitalis)

My favorite poisonous flower.

Did you know that this flower is mistaken for Comfrey, another plant who's leaves are used to make tea? This mistake has resulted in illness and several deaths.

Truly akin to this scene (iykyk):

Uses: This is used in certain medicines to slow down heart rates, due to high blood pressure, and in medicines for heart failures. It is possible to be poisoned from overdosing on this medicine.

Type of poison: Foxglove has a toxin known as digitalis/digoxin. Side effects of this poison include blurred vision/yellow or green vision [xanthopsia] (and seeing a halo like shape around lights), fatigue, gastrointestinal effects, weakness, bradycardia [a heart rate under 60 bpm], lower platelet counts (thrombocytopenia), arrhythmias [irregular heart beats], and the very rare case of cardiorespiratory failure. These symptoms can occur through consumption of the plant, and sometimes through over doses on the medicine. It can cause irritations to the skin, like rashes, if touched, and can cause terrible reactions from its pollen in certain individuals.

Oleander

(Nerium Oleander)

Many oleanders have a sweet, vanilla-like smell, however it is not recommended to smell them up close. These plants have been well documented in history, from Greek mythology to Vincent Van Gogh's painting titled "Oleanders." Despite it's deadly nature, it is quite popular among gardeners.

Uses: This plant is traditionally used to treat heart problems, asthma, and even cancer, but there is not enough evidence to support this actually having a positive effect. However there is more evidence of the leaves of the oleander being used as an effective anti-inflammatory and antioxidant under the right dosage.

Type of poison: The main type of poison in this plant is called toxic cardiac glycosides. But it also contains the poisons oleandrin, oleondroside, and digitoxigenin. These chemicals are found in all parts of the plant and affects the heart the most. The side affects if consumed include gastrointestinal effects, xanthopsia (yellow vision), eye irritation and burning sensation, effects to the nervous system such as tremors, seizures, coma, and cardiac effects including an increased heart rate that quickly slows to the point of death in some cases. If touched, it causes skin irritations and rashes, and can cause respiratory issues of the wood and leaves are burned.

Japanese Pieris

(Pieris Japonica)

This is a plant that @nyaboshi shared with me. This plant is native to several countries in Asia, including Japan, China, and Taiwan. It is a symbol of powerful beginnings and new opportunities.

Uses: The main use of this plant is for a honey made from this plant called "Mad Honey," and it is used as a traditional medicine and for intoxication (which can lead to overdose and poison).

Type of poison: These plants contain Grayanotoxins. These affect the brain, nervous system, and heart. If consumed, this plant causes blurred vison, slower heart rates and lower blood pressure, gastrointestinal effects, weakness, fainting, cardiac failures, coma, and neurological side effects.

Deadly Nightshade

(Atropa Belladonna)

Quite the popular choice for poisoning. There are many many references to this plant in popular books, shows, and movies. It is also famous for being tied to witchcraft. Belladonna, as it is commonly known, is one of many in the Nightshade plant family. Some well known edible Nightshades include tomatoes, potatoes, eggplants, and tomatillos. But Belladonna isn't the only dangerous plant in the Nightshade family, she has other deadly sisters.

Uses: This was used in cosmetics once upon a time. Please do not use it as such please. Surprisingly, there are many uses for Belladonna! Under the right doses, correct mixing of chemicals, and correct consumption/other way of taking this plant can help in reducing symptoms asthma, motion sickness, hemorrhoids, whooping cough, irritable bowel syndrome, and a few other ailments.

Type of poison: This plant contains alkaloids, such as hyocyamine, scopolamine, and atropine. Belladonna is known as one of the most toxic plants that we know of. Consuming this plant, including medicated Belladonna, can cause cardiovascular diseases (and other heart problems such as tachycardia [increased heart rate]), gastrointestinal disorders, complications during pregnancy, psychiatric/neurological disorders, rash, headache, staggering/loss of balance, delirium, dilated pupils, blurred vison, sensitivity to light, severely dry throat and mouth, hallucinations, confusion, constipations, and convulsions.

Touching these plants can cause severe dermatitis and may cause its toxins to seep through the skin.

Giant Hogweed

(Heracleum mantegazzianum)

Considered to be a very invasive species. It is widespread across east to west Europe, Canada, and in the united states. Because of it's dangerous nature, it is deemed by U.S. officials to be a noxious plant, so that the spread of this plant can be limited.

Uses: Not really. Its cousin the common hogweed was used in some medicines, but I would not recommend going near these.

Type of poison: The sap of this plant contains furanocoumarins, which combined with sunlight is severely phototoxic. When any part of the plant is touched, but especially the sap, this causes severe phytophotodermatitis, a terrible and serious skin inflammation, that includes severe blistering (and I mean SEVERE! If you have a strong stomach look it up examples of reactions you dare), a deep red rash, and even photosensitivity. And if you accidentally touch your eyes after exposure, it can harm your vision and even cause blindness.

I haven't seen information for when it's consumed, which is a good thing. It would probably cause intense internal damage.

Please just avoid this plant. For some reason I do not like this plant one bit. Whenever I see this plant I go : ಠ╭╮ಠ

Poison Hemlock

(Conium Maculatum)

You have probably heard of this plant or one of its siblings. This plant was used to execute prisoners in ancient Greece, including the famous philosopher Socrates. Fun plant huh? Also invasive.

Uses: Has been used as a sedative, antispasmodic treatment for symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome, and for some respiratory diseases, all in very small doses. However, there is not enough evidence to really tell if these are positively effective.

Type of poison: Similar to Belladonna, this plant contains alkaloids, including C. maculatum, conium, and coniine. If ingested, it attacks the nervous system, and can cause fatal neuromuscular dysfunction as it will stop the movement of muscles in important organs including respiratory muscles, muscular paralysis, unconsciousness, coma, urination, depression, trembling, and weak or slow heartrate.

It is generally safe to touch poison hemlock, but it is better to be careful and safe.

Bittersweet Nightshade

(Solanum Dulcamara)

Remember I mentioned Belladonna plants have other deadly siblings? Meet her bittersweet sister. In the Middle Ages this plant was said to ward off witchcraft (because of course it was). An interesting fact about this plant is that while it is toxic to humans, there are several bird species that love feasting on the berries.

Uses: This is used for skin conditions such as acne, eczema, itchy skin, broken skin, and a few others. It is also used for inflammation and easing arthritis, along with easing respiratory issues and illnesses like bronchitis, asthma, and pneumonia.

Type of poison: This plant contains solanine and a glycoside called dulcamarine. If consumed, and if over consumed via medical prescription, this plant can cause several gastrointestinal problems, confusion, mydriasis (dilation of the pupil), paralysis, delirium, numbness, shortness of breath, low pulse/slowed heartrate, convulsion, and weakness. It is unwise to take this during pregnancy.

This plant like is sister plant, should not be touched. Its toxins can be absorbed through the skin. So no touchy!

Western Monkshood/Wolfsbane

(Aconitum Columbianum/Aconitum Napellus)

This is plant is surrounded by myth and a long history. In folk tales, it was considered to kill werewolves and normal wolves, hence one of its names. In ancient times it was occasionally used as an herbal medicine, however, it has more of a reputation as a poison for executions and assassinations.

Uses: Once upon a time, this plant was used to reduce fevers, as an anti-inflammatory, sedative, and to relieve other ailments. However, this plant is considered to be one of the most poisonous plants in Europe, so the thought of someone using this today, is very unlikely.

Type of poison: This plant contains aconitine and mesaconitine, which is a dangerous neurotoxin and cardiotoxin. Side effects of consumption include gastrointestinal issues, cardiovascular issues (weak/irregular heartbeat, slowing and stopping of the heart), difficulty breathing, asphyxiation, neurological issues, paralysis, pain, convulsions, multiple organ failure (especially of the liver and kidneys), numbness (especially of the mouth and tongue), and paraesthesia (feeling sensations in the skin for no apparent reason, like feeling cold, tingly, or clammy).

Do not touch this plant. The toxins can be absorbed through the skin, and can cause many of the same effects if consumed, and can cause numbness wherever you touched the plant.

Lily of the Valley

(Convallaria Majalis)

Such a pretty pretty flower to finish of this list! This flower has been the national flower of Finland since 1967 (my gran's home country)! It is also the national flower of Yugoslavia. This plant is very popular, and has been used in many wedding bouquets, has been in several myths, the subject of art, poetry, music, and even shows (like "Breaking Bad").

Uses: Besides it being used for its sweet fragrance, it is supposedly effective heart problems, such as irregular heartbeat and heart failure, urinary tract infections, and kidney/bladder stones (HOWEVER, THESE ARE CLAIMS OF FOLK MEDICINE, NOT FACT).

Type of poison: This plant contains convallatoxin, which is similar to digitalis. If ingested it can cause heart problems such as irregular heartbeat/slow heartbeat and collapse, gastrointestinal issues, loss of appetite, excessive urination, confusion, drowsiness, weakness, depression, headache, disorientation, and lethargy.

This plant may cause skin irritation and possibly a rash/hives if handled for too long.

________________________________

There are many other plants I have done research on, including mushrooms, but I'll stop here for now (for my sanity). I hope y'all enjoyed reading this!!!

*Bows*

Have a good day or night!!

I shall now pass out.

#exhausted's half awake jumbles #hyperfixation time babyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!#cw mentions of death #tw mentions of death #cw poison #tw poison #poisonous plants #poisonous flowers #fun facts #medical terminology #cw mentions of execution #tw mentions of execution #I'm not going to be caught by the content/trigger warning police today!

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seventh-fantasy · 2 hours

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top 5 dihua moments

HELLO ohhh goddd if i really really really have to pick... I'LL TRY (in tears)

in chronological order of the episodes:

(1) “你这个人最大的弱点就是喜欢当英雄。一个剑客不该有弱点。” your greatest weakness is that you like being a hero. a swordsman should be without weaknesses. (ep 1)

i'm as in love with the entire donghai scene as much as the next person but this dialogue is particularly special to me. so it was the first one i pinned down for this list. no hesitation. :)

it's a cornerstone of dihua's relationship; the thesis of lxy/llh's and their joint narrative. it prompts the deconstruction of the staple wuxia ideas of 侠 xia and heroism - which is what i really love lhl for. and dfs being the one to deliver this incredibly crucial and significant line is 10/10. he knew lxy even better than lxy did. he is the bearer and catalyst of lhl's story, lxy/llh's story.

"your greatest weakness is that you like being a hero. a swordsman should be without weaknesses." so what does it even mean to be a hero. is it more important to be a hero than being human. and i will become human. i am human and always have been. and i have weaknesses - i cannot win against fate, i am dying. but what ever is even wrong with being weak? being human is to have weaknesses. so i guess it's no wonder for the narrative to come in a full circle with dfs coming in possession of a weakness and be trapped in it. no longer the killer of di fortress. he's just a human being.

and llh bringing this up again in ep 11 feels to me that he had been carrying these words with him over the past 10 years. bicha and the battle have transformed him physically. but i like to think that dfs's words had an important role to play in an even deeper level of change.

all it took was this one scene to sell to me that this would probably be the kind of narrative i love.

(2) reunion in the woods (ep 8)

it's just so fucking good like literally every dihua scene. who doesn't love a good post-divorce first meeting scene. there's just a lot to chew on. most of all, llh just had to keep reminding dfs how well he knew dfs. we know the moon has always been this bright, alright. AND they were threatening each other. very sexy of them.

(3) whatever the heck was going between them in cailianzhuang arc (ep 11)

truly nothing brings out old married couple + parents vibes better than an inquisitive boy accusing you two of being up to something secretive behind his back. both their guilty expressions. :3 also dfs being the first person huahua goes to when he doesn't want to be alone. huahua being exceptionally chatty around dfs and dfs has no problem entertaining him. :3 they're totally on the same wavelength without having to say anything to each other and this arc brings it out so well.

(4) 腊月二十七 donghai anniversary wedding night (ep 38)

this is the last one i came up for the list after fighting a whole war in my mind over which 5 of the 100000 beloved scenes to pick. hate being predictable but. you just HAVE to give it to it. how do you NOT pick this for a top 5. all the 10 million other top 5 dihua scenes just had to make space for the anniversary scene. :'(

if i had to be even more specific, i think the scene of them in bed most likely takes the cake for me. llh literally saved dfs's life and helped him to become the stronger person he has always wanted to be. and perhaps no other moment exhibits the complementary yin and yang nature of their powers/energies in a more illustrative and palpable way. undershirts in bed just hits different from being fully clothed and one person literally having to keep the other person alive by touch...and this time it's llh for dfs despite the whole time it's dfs who was dedicated to keep llh alive. they have no lack of scenes that exhibit how in sync they are intellectually, and this is peak physical intimacy and tenderness, added with a brush with death/mortality yeah...

(5) llh/lxy's farewell to dfs (ep 40)

playing cheat here by combining two different moments :) but they are essentially connected. llh/lxy had to leave. and since it really had to be that way, i'm glad dfs was on his mind until the very end. what more can one ask for. there is really nothing more dear and tender in the world to be thought of

tl;dr: /blows kisses to every dihua moment

#anon idk why u did this to me but i love you. and thank you for the ask <3 my head exploded from doing the curation exercise <3 #i also have a couple of other specific scenes i wanted to call out but there's just no more room sighs #idk my answers are leaning mostly to the earlier arcs also bc those are the ones ive been rewatching most lately.#come back in 2 months maybe lmao. repeat until every dihua scene is listed lol #莲花楼 #mysterious lotus casebook #lhl #dihua #my posts #asks #anon

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myapothecarydiary · 21 hours

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Thoughts from reading The Apothecary Diaries Manga Ch. 1

Okay, I just first have to say I adore these little Maomao illustrations at the beginning of each volume. The art style is so cute!

And we get straight to it: the comparison of the pleasure district to the rear/inner palace. The similarities go to show how Maomao is in a position to successfully navigate and understand the rear palace due to her upbringing in the pleasure district. Her background gives her a unique, and in this case, advantageous perspective.

This introduction discussing eunuchs and the emperor's family is very hello! regarding Jinshi's real identity. I think it also introduces Apothecary's conversation on gender, specifically Maomao's perspective regarding it. She considers eunuchs to no longer be true men and to exist beyond the gender binary. She values frogs as a defining characteristic, if you will.

This here introduces Maomao's relationship with her own appearance and beauty. We later learn she draws her freckles on and so is trying to subdue her natural beauty, but she is also pragmatic about her appearance. She accepts what she looks like and utilizes her unassuming qualities, even accentuating them, but though she adds she's "not interested or anything" in becoming a concubine, I think there is some supressed disappointment in her looks. She can't fathom that someone like the Emperor would find her attractive. She is not just pragmatic but resigned.

There's a greater conversation to be had about how Maomao values beauty and recognizes how beauty gives someone value (within the environments of the rear palace and the pleasure district as well as within her own mind?). I'm going to put a pin in it for now, but I have thoughts on how Maomao views Jinshi's beauty (a waste on a man, disastrously powerful on a woman, extra wasteful on a man sans frog?) + the benefit of certain assets (big boobs XD)

Hello, future plot line and Jinshi's desire to increase literacy and education!

I find this important to note as it is how Maomao is characterized for the audience. "Forward-thinking" with "an insatiable thirst for knowledge and overwhelming curiosity" and "a budding sense of justice." It is interesting how her sense of justice goes against her insistence on the idea of "it is what it is" and that most matters are above her.

Feels like ominous foreshadowing for a later reveal + an indication of how the previous Emperor's shadow hangs over everything to some extent. (Side thought: there's no actual curse on the imperial family causing the current Emperor's heirs to die, but perhaps Jinshi would feel like there is one)

Introduction of Maomao's favorite concept/word–conjecture! She emphasizes how her dad drilled into her that she shouldn't go off of conjecture alone, yet she often engages in speculation to the point of it kind of being her "thing."

A fateful meeting. Jinshi notices Maomao but she doesn't see him (and is too busy thinking/working out a problem in her head–very on the nose for their relationship going forward).

I also like how this was drawn with the white outline around the both of them! I think it is more apparent around Jinshi, but it does envelop them both and put them together, which is interesting.

Maomao sees Jinshi for the first time. And going back to my prior pin on beauty! – Maomao's perception of Jinshi is tied to her thinking about the concept of him as a woman. There's almost a disappointment in how his beauty is not possessed by a woman.

This is very indicative of Maomao's actions. A large part of her character involves not only figuring things out and possessing/acquiring information, but obscuring things/holding things back (in regards to both what she figures out and how she presents herself). This also speaks to how Maomao even suppresses certain feelings and realizations in her own mind.

I feel like there is an instinct to write Maomao off as a cold loner type, and while part of this moment involves Maomao's relief at seeing the princess alive and healthy, I think (especially with how it is depicted) it shows a warmth for life and children. Maomao cares! You see this sweeter/softer (and protective) side of her in her interactions with Xiaolan as well.

Maomao is all about that social hierarchy and knowing her place. Beauty and status are perhaps lenses through which she sees the world (interesting that a certain character will land at the highest level of both of those XD)

My confession is that before I watched the anime and was just seeing people post about Jinshi as a sort of "silly little guy", I made assumptions about his intelligence and depth. I was very pleasantly surprised by the scene where he deduces Maomao left the note because she is the only one who can read. It even catches Maomao by surprise! Then again here, his ability to solve the sorts of little mysteries that will essentially become Maomao's main purpose goes to show their compatibility as a pair (that will work well together).

This moment and quote just hits me hard every time. Beauty and life, how they interact, and the value of both will continue to be explored. It also directly shows how Maomao's experience of the pleasure district informs her ability to understand and navigate the rear palace.

And that's all for chapter 1! Onto the next.

#kusuriya no hitorigoto #the apothecary diaries #kusuriya no hitorigoto manga #the apothecary diaries manga #analysis #thoughts #maomao #jinshi #jinmao #jinshi x maomao #tad manga #manga #annotations #chapter 1 #tad manga chapter 1

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lasdelaintuicion · 7 months

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imagine not being able to be critical of the push towards transition by medical professionals who profit from it or the gender stereotypes and homophobia that give place to that social transition WITHOUT being an absolute freak towards trans people who are quite literally just living their life. deranged.

#imagine acting this way and yet thinking you're any different than those making hate campaigns against trans people based on homophobia #religious fanatismn and sexism #who believe not conforming to gender customs is unnatural. idiotic behavior #imagine making it a whole crusade against trans and often just gender nonconforming people and having the gal to claim it's about feminism #to this day ive never seen a logical argument about trans PEOPLE being a danger to women as a whole #outside of the absolutely abnormal situation of american prisons having the most dangerous self identification policies #which is an IMPORTANT but very specific problem #not quite warfare on behalf of trans people #but a prison system that is already violent as it is

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4lph4kidz · 3 months

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i was thinking about your dirk and hal poll and i want to mention that i think your concept for ink and iron where dirk creates hal from his reflection by enchanting a mirror is so cool 😌

thank you! hal's predicament and purpose within the canon narrative is so fascinating and i felt it was really important to find a way to explore what i find most interesting with him. i can't take full credit for the concept though i took inspiration from a few placees (one of my friends pitched the idea of the mirror accidentally dumping him onto jake's doorstop for example) but overall i think the idea is very fun and i'm really excited to write more hal stuff!!! also i'm going to take the opportunity to share this oldish doodle i found:

the mispelling of angel as angle was NOT intentional (<- dyslexia haver) but it probably explains a lot. he's pointy

#obviously an AU is going to be different from canon #but i like AUs specifically *because* i have a lot of fun trying to translate canon ideas into another setting or genre in general #in this case its a riff on the fairy tale magic mirror #hal is still an experiment gone wrong/artificial being created to serve a purpose trapped in a non-physical form and denied personhood #as well as being an extension of dirk's selfhood and very literal expression of his self image #this time with extra gender problems as per my original intentions for the fic. which now feel more than a bit heavy handed but whatever #point is hal gets to play up the trapped demon/spirit/almost genie-esque angle isntead of the artificial intelligence schtick in canon #which i am having a lot of fun writing!#he is also a very important plot device. multitalented 💕#for anyone wondering i&i is NOT an abandoned project its just huge and whipping it into shape is slow going #i've taken breaks to work on other stuff too #ink and iron #i guess that's a tag i should start using #even though i'm not too happy with the title still. lmao

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blueskittlesart · 8 months

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I genuinely can’t remember or not if your botw/totk link knows sign language or not…or am I thinking of a different link?

my personal headcanon is that he knows basic sign and uses it when he's completely nonverbal, but that for most of his time as a soldier pre-calamity he limits himself to basic signs that are well-known enough for anyone to understand and not much else (thank you, please, basic combat orders, occasional fingerspelling) and uses them VERY sparingly if at all. I personally believe that the lack of communication he displays pre-calamity goes beyond just physical muteness, and I think that removing the communication block by having him sign freely removes some of the nuance of his relationships with other people pre-calamity, so while i think he CAN sign, i think he only uses it when communication is absolutely necessary.

#like i dont have a PROBLEM with links that sign but i think it's an important point that HE was the one not communicating pre-calamity #like if you have him signing constantly then that just kind of makes zelda and revali look like huge jerks for being mad that they can't #understand him. shifts the burden of communication to someone else and makes him less complicit in his own suffering #which isn't really true to the actual aim of that storyline imo.#i do have very specific headcanons about language and speech and how he uses it throughout his life but. that would be an essay. so anyway #to answer your question i don't usually draw him using sign language but i think he does know it. lol #asks

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uni-seahorse-572 · 1 year

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i think when it comes to fiction there's an important distinction to be made between approaching with in-world logic and out-world logic. and out-world logic is all well and good, because you can examine the text from a different angle and explore some of the issues that it doesn't address, and sometimes the nitpicky stuff is genuinely fun and silly!! except most of the time you can't use out-world logic on every aspect of the story because then it stops making any sense. and sometimes i think fandom needs a better grasp of this concept

#ari shouts into the void #i'm putting this in the tags bc it's a very specific example #but take mr. forkle in kotlc and his relationship with sophie #in-world he's an important mentor figure who's trying to help the elven world through raising and guiding a leader #yet nevertheless ultimately wants her to be happy #but with out-world logic if you look at the responsibility she's been given at such a young age and the way he destroyed her chance at #a normal life it offers a lens through which themes of the child savior and pressure and trauma and raising a lamb for the slaughter #can be explored. so neither interpretation is inherently wrong #i think they both have a place in online spaces #problem with this post is i am assuming people will understand what i mean by the terms in-world and out-world #assumptions are a dangerous thing on the ol' hellsite

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pocketramblr · 2 years

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That reminds me of a post you made a bit back, so I went and glanced at it and. You used the phrase "he values trust as far as he needs it" but I definitely don't think he has a very good perspective for all the times it's needed because I'd say "teaching children how to not die in a dangerous field job filled with fire and explosions you yourself have many times only survived by chance or unanticipated outside help also by chance" is definitely something that needs trust, if not his sake than for theirs.

well hindsight is 20/20, i'd argue his previous 5 years of teaching showed him he doesn't need trust to do the job and thats.... maybe... kinda.... like i don't agree but i can see his local rationality there? Thing is, Aizawa and I don't have the same job- we have maybe 1/6th of a same job. He's a homeroom teacher in a country with very different expectations of that role and as far as i understand it, its kinda weird he's later shown teaching content? (Hori is it too much to beg for some consistency or further elaboration on the plot device magic school)

that paragraph derailed, sorry- point is, Aizawa saw it as his job to keep the students alive, and did that by scaring them smart. As their homeroom teacher, the EASY and SIMPLE and NORMAL way to do that role would be to establish trust so they listen to your advice to not die but noooo. he decided to scare them, and then amp up stress so they'd listen to OTHER teachers (the ones actually providing the hero training and field practice stuff) more. After all, they'd look more honest and dependable in comparison. Considering that as far as we know none of his former students died in action, technically. technically he's doing his job sucessfully enough that he can argue he doesn't NEED trust/honesty here.

he's an idiot for doing it that way (and an idiot ignoring the other parts of the homeroom teaching purpose like. mental wellbeing and social emotional learning because he considers them less important) but still. this could really be fixed without even changing his attitude about trust and honesty if he just got some gosh darn teacher training

#thing is he got 156 expulsions in 5 years #which means either 1- expelling kids not in his class of 20 which means the other homeroom teachers approved the method #or at least were willing to let him do it #or 2- he expelled some kids multiple times #possibly the case being that the second time was 'for real' and to keep them out of the field so they didn't die in it #or 3- a mix of both #all 20 of his class last year got expelled at first #and i think all 20 moved up so none of them could have been double expellees #but his methods.......... do not completely undo his purpose #so he has *some* rational to continue them #not enough if you ask me #so yeah fun ask fun answer fun post to reference #thats actually a post i kinda regret making because...... so many people interpreted that wrong and said 'noooo trust is important to him'#and like....... the evidence they brought up would have little to do with the honesty thing #which i was focusing on because i was talking to a friend and realized we had very different views on honesty/trust #the friend of mine would sometimes lie no problem no reason if they did not feel you were absolutely entitled to the truth #just to do it #where i had moral implications about the truth in my head if there was no specific reason for lying #basically i felt you needed a reason to lie #and my friend felt you needed a reason to tell the truth #and sometimes that reason was 'you felt like it' but sometimes not #and so i said 'huh' and looked at lying liar aizawa #and wondered where he'd fit between those two views #and then i made the post and it blew up and i hated it because a bunch of people who thought aizawa is hot got mad at me for #morally judging him or something i guess (i was not but ok)#and no. aizawa is not hot. he's ugly. he's pretty. he's both pretty and ugly. but he isn't hot. hope that clarifies #anon #pocket talks to people #huh haven't talked about a my he ro character this much in a while i feel like #whats the occasion

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emeryleewho · 1 year

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I used to work for a trade book reviewer where I got paid to review people's books, and one of the rules of that review company is one that I think is just super useful to media analysis as a whole, and that is, we were told never to critique media for what it didn't do but only for what it did.

So, for instance, I couldn't say "this book didn't give its characters strong agency or goals". I instead had to say, "the characters in this book acted in ways that often felt misaligned with their characterization as if they were being pulled by the plot."

I think this is really important because a lot of "critiques" people give, if subverted to address what the book does instead of what it doesn't do, actually read pretty nonsensical. For instance, "none of the characters were unique" becomes "all of the characters read like other characters that exist in other media", which like... okay? That's not really a critique. It's just how fiction works. Or "none of the characters were likeable" becomes "all of the characters, at some point or another, did things that I found disagreeable or annoying" which is literally how every book works?

It also keeps you from holding a book to a standard it never sought to meet. "The world building in this book simply wasn't complex enough" becomes "The world building in this book was very simple", which, yes, good, that can actually be a good thing. Many books aspire to this. It's not actually a negative critique. Or "The stakes weren't very high and the climax didn't really offer any major plot twists or turns" becomes "The stakes were low and and the ending was quite predictable", which, if this is a cute romcom is exactly what I'm looking for.

Not to mention, I think this really helps to deconstruct a lot of the biases we carry into fiction. Characters not having strong agency isn't inherently bad. Characters who react to their surroundings can make a good story, so saying "the characters didn't have enough agency" is kind of weak, but when you flip it to say "the characters acted misaligned from their characterization" we can now see that the *real* problem here isn't that they lacked agency but that this lack of agency is inconsistent with the type of character that they are. a character this strong-willed *should* have more agency even if a weak-willed character might not.

So it's just a really simple way of framing the way I critique books that I think has really helped to show the difference between "this book is bad" and "this book didn't meet my personal preferences", but also, as someone talking about books, I think it helps give other people a clearer idea of what the book actually looks like so they can decide for themselves if it's worth their time.

Update: This is literally just a thought exercise to help you be more intentional with how you critique media. I'm not enforcing this as some divine rule that must be followed any time you have an opinion on fiction, and I'm definitely not saying that you have to structure every single sentence in a review to contain zero negative phrases. I'm just saying that I repurposed a rule we had at that specific reviewer to be a helpful tool to check myself when writing critiques now. If you don't want to use the tool, literally no one (especially not me) can or wants to force you to use it. As with all advice, it is a totally reasonable and normal thing to not have use for every piece of it that exists from random strangers on the internet. Use it to whatever extent it helps you or not at all.

#writing #writing advice #writing tips #am writing #books #booklr #fiction #media analysis

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ezraphobicsoup · 5 months

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i’ve said this before but i can’t find the post so. call me will wood the way everything is a lot

#ok on another note i was going trjoggh my silly hours tag #and jesus christ i did not realise it was that incomprehensible #what’s the one where i’m on about like hydrochloric acid and syrup or something ????#anyway yeah no not entirely great right now for no specific reason #but i’ve gotten myself to a thinkable point so i’ll be fine #i need to what i need to chemistry homework #that re revision of key words which will inevitably be for tomorrow not thursday #i need to have a shower which will either solve all my problems or make them all worse #uhhh i need to pack my bag tonight for logistics #but then that’s it so yeah no i’ll be fine i’ll be fine #need to do my duolingo as well im like a top 5% learner i think it said who knows #ok yeah no tomorrow isn’t gonna be my favourite day but i can get through it #gonna give my brain a stern look and try and go to bed earlier and get at least like 7 hours #fuck i meant to do composition tonight oh well i guess #ok no i might do that tonight actually cause i don’t wanna be doing anything tomorrow or thursday #i should stop doing this shouldn’t i i don’t know if it’s bad or not to type out (not quite) all of my thoughts in tumblr tags #however i do find it very important to say im listening to death or glory atm which is one of the brass band songs ever it’s a good one #i dunno i feel like i’m simultaneously completely fine and also exploding on the floor #i’ll be ok i should stop saying that over and over it’ll seem less convincing #all i need to do is give myself a little hug and control the noises of my brain and then i’ll be all good and that is somewhat achievable #ok that’s enough words i’m sorry thanks for reading all of that #in case anyone else ever actually reads all of this i’m officially rather than just vaguely talking to just my girlfriend from here #uh i hope your hands are not too covered in glue please try and have an early ish night yourself even if you don’t have a concert #you’ve got 3 hours of english and poetry at that.#i would say don’t worry about me but i think i seem pretty worrying so. don’t worry about me to the detriment of yourself ok?#i will get there and then i will be there and it’ll all be worth it cause i’ll sing the songs and just maybe i’ll sound good as well #gonna do the things i said i was going to. you take care and gingham <3 #fuck i’ve still gotta tag this properly hang on #ezra’s real life rambles #ok this is now the tag limit this is the end ba bye love you happy tuesday evening and all the words

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wileycap · 5 months

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Selected Excerpts From The Fire Nation Royal Palace Servants' (Unofficial) Handbook

Or: Revisions To Normal Protocol After The Ascension Of Agni's Exalted Flame, The Dragon Of The Sun, et cetera, Fire Lord Zuko

1. Agni's Exalted Flame, The Dragon Of The Sun, et cetera, Fire Lord Zuko should not be referred to by his full titles and styles, no matter the context. This appears to annoy him. "Fire Lord Zuko" and "Lord Zuko" are acceptable, as well as "your majesty" and "my Lord".

1.1 "Lord Hotman", however, is unacceptable.

1.2. Even if the Avatar specifically requests you to address Fire Lord Zuko as that.

1.3. In fact, any attempts by the Avatar, the Lady Beifong, the honorable Tribesman Sokka or even Master Katara to get you to address Fire Lord Zuko by anything other than his proper title should be disregarded.

1.4. Referring to Ozai of the Fire Nation (titles rmvd, dishon.) as "The Loser Lord", however, is acceptable.

2. Fire Lord Zuko is aware of the concept of mortality, but does not seem to understand how it relates to His Majesty. Following activities should be discouraged: Free climbing, glider usage, contact with exotic animals larger than a turtleduck (or smaller, if the animal is known to be venomous), amateur theatre productions, cooking, sailing, spelunking, botany, please see full list in the Matron's office.

2.1. It should be noted that His Majesty's belief that mortality does not apply to him does not appear to be completely unfounded. After several "close calls", it has been decided that upon his demise, Fire Lord Zuko should lie in state for at least two weeks.

2.1.1. We do not want another incident.

3. The turtleducks in the Western Pond do not need to be fed by the servants any more.

3.1. However, the turtleducks should be rotated out at regular intervals in order to prevent overfeeding.

4. At any official social functions, at least three servants should be vigilant in case His Majesty tries to tell a joke.

4.1. It should be noted that there is no concern for His Majesty's jokes being offensive, crass or otherwise contrary to good taste. They are simply very bad. His Majesty always ends up embarrassed.

5. Any children left unattended in the Royal Palace for more than 15 degrees can be retrieved from the Fire Lord's office.

6. Should His Majesty go missing, the following places should be searched: roofs and any high places, cellars and secret passages, the fur of the Avatar's sky bison (which is surprisingly deep), and every place that an ordinary five-year-old would think to hide in during a game of "Hide and Explode."

6.1. All of the Imperial Firebenders as well as any soldier who wears a mask during the course of their duties should be questioned.

6.1.1. Important note: Some of the soldiers who are especially close to His Majesty can perform a passable imitation of him. Efforts should be made to prevent an uneducated soldier from, say, conducting a meeting with the Minister of Agriculture.

6.2. After the recent incident, that list is expanded to include the Kyoshi Warriors and any other groups that might wear concealing full face paint.

6.3. If all of these measures prove ineffective, a letter should be sent to The Dragon of the West, Prince Iroh, asking His Highness to return His Majesty.

6.4. If a ransom note is delivered, it should be immediately checked against the handwriting samples from the honorable Tribesman Sokka as well as Avatar Aang, before any other actions are taken.

6.4.1. Replying "Good luck, he's your problem now" to a ransom note is absolutely unacceptable.

6.4.1.1. To further drive home the point, the Royal Archives are required by law to preserve every single piece of royal correspondence. That thing will end up in a museum.

This handbook will be updated should it prove necessary.

#atla #atla zuko #atla aang #avatar aang #avatar the last airbender #atla spoilers #zuko #atla fic #crack fic #fire nation #sokka #fire nation palace servants' handbook

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evilminji · 27 days

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Ooooh~ Drink mix up? >.>

Because! Wes DID, in fact, get that dream job. HAS learned... after many, many hours of "beat about the head and shoulders with an ethics pamphlet by his great aunt", to keep his mouth shut! Family curse of Sight? WHAT family curse?

He doesn't see shit! Mind your business.

What're you? A cop?

Look, he sent Fenton a gift basket. He was a shitty, shitty "I have to be RIGHT and nothing else matters!" Stubborn lil asshole of a kid. He got better. Grew up. No one is there best Self during puberty. He DOES, in fact, regret it.

Which is WHY, he is deliberately ignoring Kent's terrible, awful, paper-thin, "who meee~?" Aw shucks BULLSHIT excuse of a disguise, like it isn't blatantly obvious he's Superman. Yep. Nothing to see here! Nothing but us chickens! Mmmmm, morning coffee! Delicious.

But see, here's the THING.

The Itty, bitty, teeny lil PROBLEM...

Wes grew up in Amity "Totally Not Supernatural Hotspot For Centuries" Park. He is... to put it mildly, genetically? A freak. His biology is ALL fucked up. Everyone's is. And it WAS NOT made better by the Fenton's playing fast and loose with their hell basement. The Ectoplasmic NUKE that was that portal.

There is a REASON his morning coffee? Is COVERED. Contained. Fenton brand, LEAD LINED, specialty cups. The sort that can't be EATEN from the inside out. Eroded after a few uses. They're ugly as sin, but they work. He even ordered a few covers from Star's etsy shop. (Apparently he wasn't the only one who hated how ugly they looked. Good for her though, he heard it was doing well.)

He SAYS this? 'Cause his morning brew is less... straight COFFEE... and more... how to put this? A blend? Brew? Potion, really. Like an energy drink. From hell. Or, partially at least, the Zone. It's the combination of roots, seeds, and a few dried berries. Kinda like a tea, actually!

Tasty. Adds this nice fruity, warmth. A zing. Goes GREAT with the coffee. And it really perks you up... if you are Limnal. If you AREN'T? It'll desolve your esophagus like swallowing straight acid. And that's not TOUCHING the... witch-y, more Seer specific bit of the blend.

That stuff is medicinal. You know, "calm the mind" and "mental clarity". That sorta thing. With a good ol helping of "don't blurt out everyone's secrets, you spacey bitch! For the love of God, those are our INSIDE THOUGHTS!". Which? Really helpful! Infinitely less likely to get decked. It's a family staple.

Poisonous, though.

They're fine cause they've basically developed an immunity to that part, but like? Wouldn't recommend. It's why he NEVER shares his drinks. Food? On occasion. If he PLANS it and knows not to add and interesting spices. But DRINKS? Never. Weston family brews are basically NEVER safe.

Which? Begs the Very Important Question ™!

Who's Coffee Is This?

Cause it SURE AS FUCK AINT HIS!

You never realize quite how fast you can go from "completely calm and kinda sleepy" to "bomb strapped to my chest, primal panic AWAKE" until it happens to you. His coffee was ON HIS DESK. People have passed by. He talked to them. Cups put down and picked up. Lazy early morning. He doesn't even register, really, as his chair crashes to the ground.

He's shouting.

People confused. They don't realize yet. His head whips around, looking for that distinct cover. Before it's too late. Before someone takes that fatal sip. He spots it. Bolting from his desk. Crashing through coworkers, over desks. Chaos and outrage. "It's 'just' coffee!" They cry.

Kent turns, confused. Pretending. Raises his (HIS! Oh god!) cup to his lips, unknowing. Wes SCREAMS a warning. But he doesn't listen. "It's 'just' coffee" They never listen. Curse of Cassandra. God's damn it. This is why his family fucking CONVERTED!

He TACKLES the man of steel.

RIPS his cup away from him, knows his eyes are frantic. How much have you had?! Spit it out! Wes voice ECHOES in the sudden silence. I'm a META, Kent! It could KILL YOU!

And oh, Oh NOW they get it. Or perhaps it is the burn in his mouth that finally registers. He rolls, spits oil slick nebulae that eat away the floor. There is blood mixed within it. It took mere moments. Superman stares, transfixed and horrified, as Wes shakes. He... he should probably get off of him.

He'll move in a moment.

When his legs no longer feel weak from terror.

The news room is in chaos. Lane kneeling by her husband, Perry trying to do damage control. He... he's probably gonna lose his job, isn't he? Wes wants to cry. Protection laws only go so far, after all. And warning his boss about his dietary needs means jack shit, after an incident like this. Beloved as Kent is. Not that anyone likely believed him.

They never do.

And now he's nearly killed Superman.

@hypewinter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @nerdpoe @lolottes @babbling-babull @mutable-manifestation @dcxdpdabbles

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dc x dp #dcxdp #dc x dp prompt #minji's writing #killer coffee au #weston family brew #will make you see god or meet im

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devilsminionpdf · 1 year

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senior at my college who will conduct experiments on me for her exam and has agreed to make us ( me and a girl from my year ) lunch as a thank you: so what kind of lunch do you prefer

me, pickiest eater known to man: oh anything is fine :)

#ok so in my defence my picky eating has very little to do with actual taste ajd everything to do with how something is cooked #i chomp on raw carrots but if you boil that thing in soups or curries i hate it. same with onions i dont mind them fried but otherwise nah #potatoes too i only like them when they're mashed. like if you even gave me boil potatoes whole i'd gag it has to be mashed #spring onions are fucked because i don't like how they smell no matter what. same with eggs if you put that thing in a curry i will kill #but i like eggs otherwise. im bad at distinguishing between tastes but this is what's important are you listening #also in my defence im not gonna ask her yo make a specific type of lunch while she has her exams. i think that would be inconsiderate #there is also the factor that the phrase 'what type of lunch' is too broad. what do you mean what type. what are the types of lunch #i can categorize the concept of lunches in ten different ways off the top of my head but which specific type of categorization #are you asking about here. is it based on veg vs nonveg or the type of thing you put as the main (like rice vs roti) or wet food vs dry #also if you categorise as rice vs general well for lack of better term flatbread type thing then that has three categories #like roti vs paratha vs luchi. the possibilities are endless what do you mean what type of lunch. hello #i didn't ask for clarification because again. she has an exam. also i dont know her well enough to annoy her with all these questions #man have i gotten stupider over the years or are these problems that always existed and are only now coming to light now that im older #apples.txt

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ms-demeanor · 4 days

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You posted about adhd and I was hoping to follow up to clarify something. I’ve explained to my partner a million times about how the borderline-hoarding mess of his space is very mentally draining to me, and he understands but we’ve both essentially accepted he won’t clean his mess because he can’t because of his adhd. You’re saying he’s actually being a shit head?

This isn't necessarily an issue of him being a shithead, but it also isn't a sustainable situation. It's not good for you and there's a level of clutter that's probably not good for him either.

Large bastard is a lot more clutter-y than I am. The solution we've come to is trying to keep our messes at least isolated from one another; he can have his messes and I can have mine, but he can have those messes in his spaces, not all over the place. Sometimes those messes migrate, and that's when it's important for him to make the effort to rein them in rather than trying and failing to make a daily effort to keep our entire shared space tidy.

I think when you say "we've both essentially accepted he won't clean his mess" what I'm hearing is resignation; you're not happy about this but you don't know what to do so you've thrown up your hands and he feels helpless and unsure of what to do to improve the situation. This is the kind of "it's fine" that isn't really fine.

I think it would be worthwhile for you to each separately think about the mess and talk about it together. Are there areas that YOU *need* to have not-messy? Both for utility and your mental health? Are there areas where you can tolerate more mess than otherwise? Are there areas that are going to be harder for him to keep the mess out of than others? Are there things he doesn't *know* about cleaning up the mess?

I'm obviously a big "communication communication communication" person so I'm going to recommend a lot of talking about stuff, which is probably going to mean a lot of thinking about and interrogating stuff. I'm going to say "talk to him about why the mess bothers you" which means you also have to really articulate to yourself why the mess bothers you (for instance I'm not actually *bothered* by a messy kitchen, but I know it's going to reflect badly on us - and me specifically b/c of presumed gender roles - if someone pops by and the kitchen is a disaster, AND a messy kitchen is going to be harder to use). Genuinely, sometimes knowing *why* something is a problem might make it easier for someone with ADHD to do something. And it's not that he doesn't care that it upsets you, it's just that "Oh if I don't wash my breakfast dishes Anon won't have clear counterspace to make lunch" might be stickier in his brain (and less hard to look at emotionally) than "this thing I forget to do upsets my partner so I should do it."

For the record, I think that people with ADHD should read up on Demand Avoidance and see if it might explain some of the issues that they have in their day-to-day life; I've seen some really unfortunate situations with friends where trying to do things that their partner needed became the subject of demand avoidance. *I* have experienced negative outcomes of demand avoidance. The solution to that, however, isn't to stop making attempts to do the thing OR to simply try harder to do as they're asked/told (which reinforces the demand), it's to work on setting up a situation where the partners' needs are not interpreted as a demand. This is fuck-off difficult and requires a lot of patience and care and many attempts to succeed and will be different for each person and relationship.

(Also for the record demand avoidance isn't *super* strongly linked to ADHD and it's not a definitive symptom; like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it is something that occurs in some number of people with ADHD and can be a useful lens through which to examine various behaviors; you don't need to have DA or RSD to have ADHD, and having DA or RSD also doesn't invalidate your diagnosis; they're symptoms. For me, DA often feels like "if I don't look at it, it can't get me" - If I ignore all the messages I've got they aren't real and don't have real consequences so I'll just ignore my texts. If I don't look at the vendor email about the order, the problem with the order isn't real and it won't get added to my task list. If I don't look at the requests in my inbox I can't let people down when I don't do them. It's a self-protective coping mechanism but it's *maladaptive* and I can't just ignore the vendor email or all my texts. I need to work on a way of doing the stuff that I'm avoiding in a way that makes it less stressful and doesn't hurt the people relying on me. That takes a lot of effort, personal insight, trial and error, and )

But before I dive into specifics I want to be really really clear about one thing: sometimes people are simply incompatible. Sometimes one person has such a low tolerance for "mess" and the other person has such a high threshold for "mess" that it can't be reconciled. It sucks that this can end up being a thing that people break up over, but it is MUCH better to acknowledge incompatibility as early as possible instead of spending years and years building resentment.

There used to be a great forum called MiL's Anonymous that I spent a lot of time on. It had a lot of people in a lot of difficult situations struggling to get by and hold their relationships together. The question that was used as a litmus test to approach each situation was simple: If you knew today that everything about living with this person would be the same in five years, would you stay?

Because you can't control your partner. You can't control the future. You can only control yourself and your proximity to situations that are harmful to you. If you knew, 100%, that things wouldn't get better in five years, would you be okay with staying in this relationship? If the answer is "no," then that's that. Don't worry about questions of whether or not your boyfriend is a shithead, start the process of ending the relationship because there's a good chance the situation is going to be exactly the same in five years.

If the answer is "yes," and you'd stay in the relationship regardless of whether or not things changed, then it's time to take actions to improve your life within the context of the relationship.

(No judgement on that yes or no, btw. If you would hate living like this for another five years, and you would feel like you'd wasted your time and hadn't done the things you wanted to with your life, get out. Bail. Go. It will be better for you and better for your partner if you split instead of spending half a decade building resentments and and problems that you'll have to spend another half a decade healing from.)

Also, a note: you describe your boyfriend's mess as borderline hoarding - is the issue *mess* or is the issue *clutter*? I have friends who are very tidy, but whose homes are very cluttered. They like things, they have many things, they keep many things around, but their houses are always clean and well-dusted and orderly, just with a tremendous amount of *stuff.* I am addressing all of this as though the issue is mess, not clutter. If your boyfriend's situation is clutter (the space is busy and packed with things but it is functional and clean) and your issue isn't with *mess* (things out of place, things not having a place, things that need to be cleaned up gathering in stacks, falling behind on regular chores like laundry and dishes and taking out the trash) then you definitely need to assess whether or not you are compatible.

For instance here's a room that is messy but not cluttered compared to a room that is cluttered but not messy:

That first room is a *mess* but it would be very easy to clean up in under an hour. The second room is fairly tidy, but would take significant effort to pare down and declutter. BOTH of these can be difficult to live with but the second one is not dangerous or threatening to anyone's health. (The second one is QUITE cluttered and if every room in a house looks like this it can be overwhelming to live with; this is actually harder to deal with in a relationship than the first one in a lot of ways. I don't have a lot of advice for what to do if your partner is a high degree of tidy-but-cluttered because I don't actually think it's a problem or wrong to have thousands of books or bins full of lego or a million kitchen appliances as long as you have the space and can keep it safe and well-maintained; this is a really significant compatibility issue)

Okay, all that out of the way, here's the hard work.

Talk about this shit

Talk to your partner and define "mess." Make sure you are on the same page about what you mean when you're talking about what a messy room looks like versus what a tidy room looks like. Gather reference pictures. DRAW reference pictures.

Explain not just that the mess upsets you, but *why* and *how* it upsets you. In this context don't think of it as your boyfriend's mess, think of it as an unpleasant roommate. Discuss this using "I-statements". "When I have to pick up laundry all over the apartment, I feel like a parent more than a partner." "When there are piles of miniatures all over the table, I feel like I don't have anywhere to do things I'm interested in." "When there are dishes in the sink, I feel frustrated because I have to clean before I can feed myself."

Discuss, frankly and openly, whether he knows how to clean. I'm not trying to make excuses for him here but a lot of people with ADHD have a lot of stress and avoidance around cleaning because they spent a lot of time getting yelled at for not knowing how to clean properly.

Discuss your needs, be firm about what you require but willing to compromise. You *need* some spaces to be clean, and some spaces may be harder for him to keep clean than others. It may be MUCH harder for him to keep a bedroom tidy than it is to keep a kitchen tidy; if you need a clean and empty bedroom with everything put away and he simply cannot do that, that is a compatibility issue. But perhaps you need *your* side of the bedroom to be very orderly and can tolerate a moderate level of mess and clutter on his side. Maybe you're really really bothered by a messy kitchen, but it doesn't bug you if the dining table is covered with projects and papers. Figure out something more workable than "his mess goes everywhere and i live with it because he's incapable of cleaning" because he probably is not incapable of cleaning and you deserve to have places in your home that are comfortable for you.

Reduce friction for cleaning

Sometimes the problem isn't cleaning, the problem is the many many steps before cleaning, or not knowing where something should go when you are done cleaning. One of the absolute best things I've done for myself for cleaning my space is getting a broom holder and mounting the broom to the wall. Sweeping is now essentially thoughtless. I don't have to find the broom or pull it out from a pile of fans or go scrounging around for a dustpan it's right there on the wall, frictionless. So here are some ways to reduce the barriers to cleaning:

Make sure you and your partner both know how to use your cleaning supplies and know where those supplies are. When I switched dishwasher soap I had to re-show Large Bastard where I was storing it and how it was used, because to him what happened was the dishwasher tabs just vanished one day and he didn't know what I was putting in the machine or the process I used. He sometimes puts tools away in places that I can't see (he's more than a foot taller than me) so sometimes I can't get started on a maintenance project until he shows me where he put the battery pack for the drill.

Consider making a how-to chart to or having him make a how-to chart to keep someplace accessible so he can reference it while cleaning. Goblin.Tools Magic ToDo is great for this. Basically a lot of the time people with ADHD have trouble knowing what to do from step to step even if they've done something before, so having a step by step guide can make it easier (I have notebooks full of step-by-step guides for everything from paying for my tuition to removing licenses for my customers to weeding my yard)

Remove obstacles; don't keep cleaning chemicals in the garage in a box that's behind a stack of parts, keep them in the room you'll be cleaning. Don't keep the cleaning supplies that you use to clean the bathroom in the kitchen. Sometimes this means buying two bottles of bleach solution and two scrubbers and two sets of cleaning gloves but having fewer steps (fetch the windex, fetch the paper towels, fetch the gloves) is often the key to getting things done (open under-sink cabinet and grab windex, gloves, and paper towels that are there instead of in the kitchen).

This sort of overlaps with the next category, which is:

Create Dump Zones

One thing that I've found that seems very different between people with ADHD cleaning and neurotypical people cleaning is that neurotypical people are good at getting to a point where the cleaning is "done." They have checked off their tasks and they have finished and it is over. There are *SOME* chores that are like this (taking out the trash is a binary state, the trash has been taken out or it has not) and some chores are perpetual (horrid cursed dishes) but I think with people with ADHD, some chores that are binary for neurotypicals are actually perpetual chores. For instance "clean off the counter" is not a one and done for me. "Clean off the counter" may involve a three day reorganization project. "Clean off the counter" does not mean "wipe down the tile and put dishes away" it means assessing whether or not I need to make vegetable stock and bleaching three tea containers and reconsidering whether or not the sharps container should live somewhere else and going through the mail and figuring out what needs to be responded to and taking out the recycling and on and on and on.

We have had company at the house for the last two weeks, so I asked large bastard to clean off the dining room table, which is largely a project zone for him. Cleaning off the dining room table meant putting away his meds (and since he's a transplant patient that involves a 30 gallon rubbermade tote), throwing away some trash, and totally reorganizing his workshop. It also incidentally involved picking up a table from facebook marketplace and moving my plants, which has now involved moving my former plant rack outside (moving buckets, finding and organizing planters and gardening tools) and taking the former table to the thrift store (not done yet) and cleaning the rug that was under the former table. So "either the table is clean, or it isn't" isn't really true for us.

HOWEVER "hang on we can't eat until the table is clear so let's drive to Pico Rivera to get that console table right now" isn't a workable plan, so you create dumpzones as areas of holding between the start and the finish of the chore.

A dump zone can be a laundry basket. It can be a craft bin. It can be a back room or under your bed. It is a place to put things that you are going to deal with later because if you deal with them now it is going to derail the thing you are actually trying to do, which is set the table for dinner.

Dump zones are vital to cleaning with ADHD and I recommend them for day-to-day cleaning as well. The day-to-day dump zones might be more for you than for your boyfriend. For instance, Large Bastard works with bullets and he sheds bullets all over the house. I used to get stressed when I found bullets when I was cleaning because are these work bullets? Are these recreational bullets? Are they in testing? Do they need to be pulled? Do they go in the workshop or the office or the garage or does he need these today so they have to stay on the counter? And the answer now is "that's not my problem naughty bullets go in the jar." Which is perfectly sensible because he gets to say "mystery yarn goes in the bin" and "art supplies go in the bucket."

I feel helpless when cleaning a lot of the time. I'm frustrated and lost and I don't know where stuff goes and everything I pick up spins off into three projects in my head and every step feels like a wall to scale. Dump zones help me with that when there's pressure or a reason for cleaning beyond day to day home maintenance. People are coming over? The bedroom is a dump zone, I'll deal with that later. I'm just cleaning up because I need to? Okay I can find a permanent home for this new dish soap.

AS A VERY IMPORTANT COROLLARY TO THIS:

Active projects do not go in dump zones while you or your partner are cleaning. This may mean designating a project sanctuary area like a corner of the table or one particular chair in your main room where a project can be placed so as not to be disturbed. (if my current crochet project ends up in the yarn bin, that may mean that I don't pick the project up for another three months, it lives on the windowsill behind the couch because that's where it'll get worked on)

Do not put things away for your partner, put them in the dump zone for your partner. Your partner has to be the one to put their own stuff away in a way that works for them. I tend to find that this naturally puts a limit on the time stuff sits in the dump zone, because eventually you'll go "hey where's my thing?" and will put stuff away. If that doesn't happen, it's still generally better to have stuff in a dump zone than all over the home.

Do not decide you know what things go together from your partner's stuff and try to "put like things together." The neurotypical urge to put like things together is the mindkiller(j/k). You do not know which things are "similar" in your partner's organization schema and attempting to organize things on your own is going to end up with all of the things "organized" being functionally lost forever from your partner's perspective. Large Bastard's mom would do this and it was infuriating, she'd say "oh I put all the electronics stuff in one box" and she would mean soldering irons, transistors, ham radios, HDMI cables, and cellphone chargers. We are *still* going through boxes of stuff that she "tidied up" when he was hospitalized in 2020 and 2021.

To prevent the need for quite so many dump zones over time, you can work on setting up landing zones and "homes" for projects and tools.

Landing Zones

Landing zones are places where things go when you come inside from doing various things. Sometimes your landing zone only needs to be a tray for your wallet and keys, sometimes your landing zone needs to be a place to take off muddy boots and put a trowel and gloves down before you shower.

To make an effective landing zone, consider what behaviors you're trying to minimize and whether the people using it are ACTUALLY going to use it. For instance I was tired of the corner of my hearth getting cluttered with random junk so I hung up some hooks and put a shelf and a basket there and it became a really effective landing zone for my bag and keys and the mail, but it was VERY ineffective for Large Bastard because it's by a door that isn't the primary door he uses to enter the house. As a result I always know where my keys and bag are but he has trouble finding his keys and wallet. He tends to enter the house through our bedroom and has an overloaded valet next to the door and that's usually where his wallet ends up. Mounting a shelf to the wall above the valet and putting a basket and a hook on it will be a better place for his stuff to land. It's not that he's not using the first zone because he doesn't know that it's there, or because he doesn't care about lost time when I'm searching for my car keys after he borrows them, he's not using it because it's not by the door he uses. That's all.

I have a landing space for when I come in for gardening that's different than the one when I come in from grocery shopping. I have a landing space for when I walk into the dining room instead of the kitchen when I get home.

Landing spaces prevent stuff from piling up all over the place because they are a limited functional space that should be used frequently. Mail ONLY goes in the landing zone. If you have mystery mail or if you're not sure it's safe to toss, you put it in the landing zone. You can't let the mail get piled up too high or you won't have a space for your keys. You can't let the change in your wallet tray get too deep or your wallet is going to slide off, etc., but you also don't just put change on the coffee table or your nightstand because the landing zone is right there.

Homes for items are just what they sound like. They're the place the item goes. It lives there. My meds live on my nightstand. You would not believe how poorly I did with taking my meds on my vacation because they weren't on my nightstand. A while back large bastard lost one of his sets of sorted meds and we tore the house up looking for them because he couldn't find them in his nightstand, which is where they live. *I* found them in his nightstand because I emptied out the entire top drawer (he had only looked on the top layer) and found them underneath a radio and a hammock. Even though they were *hidden* they were in their home, so they were findable. I recently needed ink for an art class. Art supplies live in a dresser by my desk. Ink lives in the art bin or the top left drawer. The ink was not in either of these places (it was on a cabinet in the dining room behind a teacup) so it took me weeks to find it.

Sometimes the reason that ADHD spaces are so messy is because objects have been assigned homes in places that are visible and if they get moved they get lost. This is a genuinely difficult problem that requires a lot of effort to solve and can involve a lot of trial and error for creating a tidy living space. For some people, open shelving and visible storage might be a good solution. For some people, assigning a VERY clear home and inculcating that location by habit is the only way to clean up a space. For some people one very cluttered corner to at least isolate the chaos does the trick (for me and large bastard open shelving doesn't work because anything in one place for too long becomes invisible; that means that I rely on assigning things homes and large bastard relies on having contained chaos and a general idea of where to search but what that DOES NOT mean is that he is clean or tidy. His spaces look like an explosion. But he can mostly find his stuff and do what he needs to do and as long as that's limited to specific places in shared spaces I can live with it; the dining room table can be a disaster, the kitchen cannot).

People organize things differently. It often takes a while for neurotypical adults to settle into an organizational style that works for them and ADHD adults may need to settle into a new system every few months for it to continue working. The cleanup and declutter is most likely going to be a permanent project that is always going to demand some level of attention from everyone in a shared space, but "my ADHD means I can't do it" is not really going to fly. Maybe his ADHD means that he can't keep his space tidy, but it doesn't mean you can't move stuff from shared spaces into dump zones or that he can't do stuff around the house.

If he's insisting that his ADHD means that he can't clean it is possible that he's not being a shithead, he just feels helpless and doesn't know where to start and has adopted the belief that he's a useless piece of shit who can't even keep a tidy space like a grownup because he's internalized a lot of shitty attitudes (hello, my internal monologue about keeping a clean house). But it's also possible that he's just being a shithead.

It's something that's worthwhile to investigate with him. If he's unwilling to make an attempt, then he's being a shithead.

It is also not your responsibility to rehabilitate another person. If he wants to clean and it's something he feels bad about and needs some help and support with the way that someone might need help or support for learning to use a mobility aid, that is fine but you don't have to be the one who gives him that support if it's detrimental to your health, and you don't have to be the one to teach him that stuff if it's not something you're capable of. And if he is NOT interested in working on making your shared living space more accessible for you, that is not your suitcase to unpack and you just have to ask yourself the question from the start: would I stay with this person if I knew the situation was never going to change?

IDK, I'm sure a lot of this reads like "anon you must take on the emotional labor of training your partner to be an adult" but it's really meant to be more of a way of assessing yourself and your relationship. If you created landing zones do you think he'd use them? Would he get angry if you assigned a laundry basket as a dump zone for his stuff while you tidy the living room? Is living with him long-term going to be comfortable for you if nothing changes? Do you have enough of a shared definition of "mess" that you're at least in the ballpark for what counts as a clean house?

anyway good luck, and a reminder to folks that I'm compiling a bunch of adhd resources and other information on my personal website, ms-demeanor.com. It's coming along slowly but it will eventually include stuff like ADHD cleaning tips and how to tackle a hoard, so maybe keep your eye on that space.

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