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greatwyrmgold · 1 year

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Dumb story idea: Murder game with microtransactions

Okay, let's see if we can make this less dumb.

Rambling about themes and stuff

When I say "murder game," I'm thinking something in the same vein as Mirai Nikki. An organized event where a bunch of people murder each other for some kind of (often supernatural) prize. For my followers who read Wildbow and don't watch much anime, think "Face". For my followers who watch much anime and don't read Wildbow, you probably thought of two or three examples before you read this sentence.

So. Microtransactions. They're profitable, but infamous for promoting a "pay-to-win" climate. And sometimes just being super crass (remember that time a Harry Potter mobile game designed its initial progression so you'd run out of free resources during a scene where your character is basically being tortured?), but let's focus on the pay-to-win aspect for a moment, because themes.

Pay-to-win mechanics vary greatly. Sometimes it's just paying to speed things up, to get the same benefits as a free player in less time (which still means being a much stronger player in the short term...and the long term if the power cap keeps creeping upwards). Sometimes it's a big boost explicitly restricted to paying players. Often, it's in between. Always, it's hated—especially by the free players, whose hard work is irrelevant in the face of players with deep pockets.

The real world is, in a sense, also pay-to-win. People with money can buy all sorts of advantages, getting better education, better housing, better opportunities to gain more money (often without having to do anything except invest some of your money). Bringing this real-world unfairness to the story would open a pretty fertile thematic vein and serve as a natural way to make our protagonist (who is not a whale)

Before I get to the premise proper: Some more recent death game anime have designed their games in a way that theoretically allows nonviolent conclusions to the game. Of course, for one reason or another, a significant number of players don't want to take the nonviolent route, because otherwise there wouldn't be a story. (Not that it's hard to come up with those reasons, since the author makes up the terms by which a game ends and the consequences thereof.)

I like the complexity this adds. The basic death game structure doesn't allow much flexibility; if A doesn't want to die, B needs to die sooner or later. This opt-out-of-murder thing does mean no "only one of us can survive this" angst, but that's pretty played out.

Anyways.

Rules of the Game

Imagine a world with futuristic technology, particularly biotech and the like, but a violently backwards value system. Only the worthy should rule, they believe, and only the strong are worthy. The world is run by private associations, and those associations are lead by the strongest within them. (So, Ghost in the Shell as written by Klingon Ayn Rand, kinda.) If you paid attention to the previous section, or the title, you can probably guess how the groups find their strongest.

Whenever an associations needs a new chairman, applicants enter into a big death game test of might. Applicants can choose to subordinate themselves to another applicant; this subordination makes them permanently ineligible for becoming chairman. When only one eligible applicant and their subordinates remain, that applicant becomes the association's chairman.

There might be smaller tests of might for lesser positions, but those are lower-stakes and hence less appropriate as a central plot. They'd work well as a way to build up the threat of antagonists, though. "Andrew Edison knows what he's doing; he's already won three tests!"

Arena

Should the test of might take place in public cities, like most death game anime, or should it have some kind of dedicated arena? The latter makes more sense; outsiders can't easily interfere (except by official channels), it limits damage to productive assets (and citizens), enables a more active level of surveillance than the standard panopticon.

So what would this arena be like? Well, it should be spacious and compartmentalized by enough cover/structures/whatever that teams can safely camp out and fortify said camp; nonstop gunfire until everyone dies would be quite a harrowing test, but hard to control, and harder to write a coherent narrative around. And it needs the infrastructure to distribute supplies, both for the microtransactions and for basic survival. And...

It would probably be possible to justify having the test of might take place in some Hunger-Games-style outdoorsy arena, or an abstract artificial space full of traps and environmental hazards. But I struggle to think of a reason why that would be better than a facsimile urban environment. Especially since we could lean into how shallow that facade is for symbolism. Also in ways that make it feel less like it's aping genre staples.

Which brings the question of how much of a city should be simulated. Filling it with android set dressing would stretch suspension of belief for little narrative benefit, but autonomous vehicles driving around the streets, mostly just serving as obstacles but occasionally being useful in schemes or to raid for spare parts, could be neat. And the occasional combat robot to serve as a hazard (or maybe to be directed via microtransaction) could also liven things up. But that's moving away from "simulated city" and towards "artificial environment". Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Anyways, I think most of the buildings should basically just be empty shells, perhaps with a couple upper floors and/or some chest-high walls for cover. Because facade. Symbolism!

Team Stuff

I'm a bit conflicted on how permanent subordination should be. Can subordinates willingly abandon their superior and subordinate themselves to a different applicant? What happens if a subordinate's superior is killed—does the subordinate become un-subordinated? If so, subordinates have an incentive to kill their superior; if not, a superior's death leads to a bunch of subordinates with no chance of survival if they can't subordinate themselves to another eligible applicant—and what happens if the only survivors are subordinates?

There are two options I'm leaning towards. One is "loose association"; subordinates remain subordinates, but can more or less freely change masters. This allows social/character dynamics between characters to play into the story more, but limits rules-based politicking. The only rule is "Join the winning team before the test ends," and it seems like subordinates would logically bail once they realized their team is losing. When only one non-subordinated applicant remains, that player automatically becomes chairman; it's assumed subordinates of other applicants would rather join the team than die.

The other option is "strict teams". Once you subordinate yourself to Alice, you're Alice's subordinate permanently. If Alice dies, you're screwed; you can't sign on with another eligible applicant. "Unlead subordinates" only have one chance at survival: If all eligible applicants die, all subordinates become eligible applicants again. I like this one for a few reasons.

First, it allows the rules of the game to be leveraged against other players for some interesting politicking. Second, those unlead subordinates make for a distinct "team" in a way emerges from the rules without being stated by them: If the unlead subordinates can kill every eligible applicant (or force them all to subordinate themselves to someone else), then they're back in the game. But it's a different team than the eligible-applicant-headed ones, because the unlead subordinates don't have any formal ties to each other; they have some medium-term interests in common, but character/social dynamics come back in full force.

It turns the unlead subordinates into a scattered out-group. They have common interests, but little to prevent infighting and no coordination. Plus, there are probably systems that subordination-based teams can use (like team chat or maybe some kind of funds-transfer system) which aren't available to the unlead subordinates.

The eligible applicants and their subordinates casually hunt them, background violence between big clashes; they're just petty threats, after all. Maybe the active subordinates would benefit from the unlead subordinates getting their way, letting them have a second shot at victory (or at least a second choice of leader)...but that would require the unlead subordinates to actually succeed, and it seems far more likely that they'd just weaken your team before dying.

(I was trying to discuss two decent options and accidentally talked myself into choosing one...)

I'm also considering the pros and cons of tiered subordinates. Like, if an applicant with subordinates becomes someone else's subordinate, do their subordinates just become normal subordinates of their boss, or is there something to be gained from making it more complex?

While I'm here: I know "eligible applicant" and "unlead subordinate" are clunky phrases to repeat dozens of times, but I like them. Subcategories named by adding an adjective to the category name feels "formal corporate," if that makes sense. It feels like something that would be written in a business textbook or accounting ledger. Cold, technical, bloodless.

Microtransactions

Cycling back around to the stupid idea that started me thinking down this route at last.

People in power are, of course, going to use that power to influence the outcome of these "tests of might". So they accumulate wealth, and when the test comes, they use that wealth to buy advantages. That's kinda the point of this whole thing.

Since we're drawing a connection between the death game and (usually) mobile games, we should probably steal some of their mechanics. At the very least, have microtransactions be paid for with a "currency" that can theoretically be earned in-game (e.g, by killing other players). Of course, it can be gained in far greater quantities with real-world cash, from the applicant, their family, or "campaign donors". (Possibly, some donors would be more like investors or Hunger Games viewers? Keep the options open until someone actually decides to write this.)

But what are they buying, and how? If this was fantasy, it would be easy; they're buying boons, which they get by magic. But fantasy would clash with this story. It's mixing aesthetic/mechanical elements of modern mobile games with critique of how wealth disparity makes a joke out of the modern world's alleged meritocracy. That fits perfectly with cyberpunk, but poorly with the sensibilities of fantasy (which lie somewhere between ancient myth and the Wild West).

So. Cyberpunk. Suppose that all applicants have a certain base level of cybernetic augmentation. Maybe cyberarms or torso implants or what-have-you are standard in this society. (Which has further implications beyond the power system—for instance, people being forced to replace parts of their body with tools to keep a job.) Microtransactions could provide modules to upgrade those standard cybernetics, some of which are very powerful. Of course, smaller microtransactions could provide other things. Medical supplies and spare parts, ammunition, information, maybe food and cybernetic...energy...things. Sci-fi batteries. But the big-ticket items would be the modules. And maybe a "get out of death free" card, free resuscitation in case of death; no reason the rich and powerful should be subjected to the same risks as the plebs.

Here's how I imagine the module system working:

It's opt-out gacha. You can pay a lot to get a specific module you want, or pay less for a random module. You can pay more to get better modules; there's a "default banner" which can give any grade of module, and "premium banners" which guarantee you'll get a 5☆ module.

Applicants are limited in the number of modules they can purchase per unit time. Applicants of means don't buy more modules, generally; they buy better modules.

You can only install so many modules in your cybernetics. However, you can also give your modules to subordinates and allies if you want (or as ransom).

Recovering modules from the deceased is impractical; even if you avoid damaging them, corpses are swiftly recovered. But it's not impossible, if you have a good enough plan.

Most other microtransactions are unlimited. Control options like "make that big combat robot ignore my team" or "have vehicles cause problems for that one guy" would be exceptions.

Microtransactions involving physical objects would be limited to locations where the object could be physically dispensed. This probably involves some kind of dispenser machine—which can, of course, be destroyed by your rivals. Possibly, all (nearby?) players are alerted when a nearby dispenser is being used, for a bit of extra tension/systems to exploit. (It's also another reason to build your fortified camp around a dispenser location.)

These rules apply to stuff like food and ammo as well as big purchases. Resource management is key...unless you have enough resources that it's trivial.

Why play this rigged game?

Point 1: It's the only game in town. Point 2: Some people are idealistic enough to think it's fair, a genuine chance for the strong to prove their worthiness. Point 3: Some people might be forced into it, either literally (through individual contracts, or some policy written for the purpose, or something) or factually (they're out of options, so they go for the moonshot).

But that's pretty threadbare, isn't it?

Broadly speaking, I think there are two broad ways to justify people taking this risk without having the means to actually win. First, death benefits. Maybe someone who shows valor in the test of might (by killing other applicants) before dying has some fraction of their earned microtransaction currency cashed out and handed to their next of kin.

Second, networking. Joining the test of might gives you a shot at working directly for the future chairman! It's not just a chance to prove your worthiness to lead the association; it's a chance to prove your worthiness to the association's leader. If you bet on the right horse and impress the future chairman, or especially if you save their butt, they're likely to give you a good subordinate position. And maybe there's an expectation that anyone who willingly becomes your subordinate gets some kind of position out of it (if you survive and win).

That's better. Now onto something important.

Narrative

Alright, so...I feel like the primary themes should be obvious by now. Consolidation of wealth bad, equality under capitalism false. The veneer of competition is just a way to build legitimacy for people with power to maintain/expand their power. By contrast, non-hierarchical organizations and systems which actively distribute power are good and fair (to the extent that such systems can be portrayed in this aggressively hierarchical setting).

But that's just themes. What meat goes on this thematic skeleton?

One of the larger associations has a chairman opening, so it holds an exceptional test of might. Thousands of applicants flood in, some of whom held positions at other associations, all hoping for a shot at landing a decent gig at the big association.

Our hero is a mechanic with a bit of experience with handguns. He's contracted by an idealistic, hopeful applicant to become his subordinate and support his push for chairmanship. Said protagonist is mostly there because he can make cyberlimbs and modules work in ways that they aren't strictly supposed to work. Of course, he's not the only one contracted, and a few more applicants join the boss's team by force.

All of this establishes a normal for this kind of competition, but also contrasts the "normal" that other players expect with our hero's boss's attitude. He seems like a good dude; friendly, charismatic, pretty talented, and he pulled a top-rank module by sheer luck. The boss, the hero, and a few other notables on the team seem to be forming a five-man-band at the core of a bunch of misfit underdogs with the tools they need to take down this system.

And then the boss dies, along with some of the other major-seeming characters. Everyone on the team is an unlead subordinate, basically doomed to die. Some of the press-ganged guys start shooting the core members of the ex-team, chaos ensues, the hero and some of his former teammates barely get away.

Now that they're proper underdogs, lowest of the low, the story can begin. A story about trying to organize people at the bottom of the hierarchy, about trying to do something that could change things. Things they need to do to survive, but that doesn't make them easy to do.

I'm torn on whether this story should end like a modern dystopia or a classic dystopia. That is, should our protagonists ultimately succeed and Make A Change to the system, or should they be crushed by it? The former ending would be more uplifting, more empowering, more fun, but...it also goes against the core themes of the story. It would be the protagonists working hard, pulling themselves up by their bootraps, and beating their opponents despite the unfair advantages they bought themselves. The contest is fair after all! The people who deserved to win, did!

But maybe there's a third option. The hero's team tries to fight by the rules, gets battered for it, and decides to fuck the system. Forget the game, forget the rules.

Maybe I'll think of a good way to do that if I fill in the blanks in this outline. But that's enough for now.

#story ideas #cyberpunk #death game #microtransactions

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tsunflowers · 1 year

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I need to tell you how upside down the Idolmaster world is right now

a couple years ago, sideM's game, the only series with guy idols (and really, primarily older idols) shut down, extremely quickly. It was short lived, the announcement came ominously and they managed the situation really weirdly

then they made a second game, sideM growing stars.

growing stars is shutting down now after only about a year of service

same sudden EOS announcement where they left everyone hanging for a few days and also announced it the day after april fool's day. announced a live stream to discuss sideM's future, set for a few days later, gave no further info, then the livestream was extremely short and was basically just like yeah...sideM closing now. lol

this was just after they had a huge concert, Masters of idol world, with all the branches. it was this really unifying event that felt like it brought everyone together as a family, there were these contest winning banner designs of characters from all branches including sideM, who always gets the short end of the stick compared to the girls branches, so it really felt like a good change

then that stuff happened with the sudden eos for growing stars

now, they announced a new arcade game a few months ago, showing a few promotional material/what the cabinet is supposed to look like. the lead girl/guy from every branch is on the front

the night that growing stars eos was announced. the very night, like, 2 HOURS AFTER, they previewed photocards for that arcade game without sideM's lead guy, he's just gone

so after all that bs about being united they just outed him from the family practically, along with the rest of sideM

sideM was beautiful by the way. a lot of ssrs had the unidolized side reversed, where they're already on stage performing, and the evolced side would be them, just living life, a candid moment with their unitmates. it was so heartwarming and a really nice look into their lives, I miss it

shiny colors, which has set a precedent for high standards in ssr design/animation features, is doing really really well. but not well enough for bandai I guess, who just announced another shiny colors game, their first rhythm game

the animation is entirely cg but it looks better than the upcoming shiny colors anime, which is also in cg, it looks like the pripara 3d artists did it practically. it looks expensive. it looks like we may be seeing another very early EOS in the upcoming year for the first shiny colors..

bandai also, days after the eos announcement for sidem, announce a new joseimuke game for another idol franchise.

so.

aaaaaa

anyways they also just introduced a really fucking weird vtuber branch, I feel like bandai just wanted it to succeed so they slapped the imas kabel on it because it's nothing like any imas series ever

the three vtubers have one year of activities and if they don't succeed, they'll lose their position in the branch (their seiyuu will lose her job.) and they say it will be the viewers fault.,?

they also say everyone in the audience is a "producer" which is weird... because producer isn't just a name if you're a fan of someone.. I know other game fandoms use it that way sometimes, but in imas itself (where the P thing originated in idol games) it has always had a clear purpose, you are producing the girls, you are helping them with careers and fan gain

also. just a little nitpick but. the vtuber girls have no expressions other than base open mouth smile. they have a breathing look/head movement/blinking/mouth movement, but I think the blinking is even automated?? and with no other expressions its so weird....

ok sorry

this is just so. cinderella girls and mirishita are the only ones thriving

i also know you dont even play any imas things but idk there ya go

I had heard about some of this but not all... I feel so bad for imas fans. some of this stuff genuinely just comes off as mean! like releasing promos for an arcade game and then rereleasing them without any sidem characters

I've heard about the vtubers bc everyone seems to hate them and agree they're not like idolmaster but I didn't know they were also just bad at being vtubers? I'm looking at a video of letora now to see what you mean and she's just swaying loosely. I don't think her movements are rigged to a person beyond maybe open/close mouth. so why are they even vtubers....

#my nyasks

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finelinevogue · 3 years

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he’s so vogue

Description - you are the journalist for the new Harry Styles December Vogue Issue

A/N - how is everyone doing? hope you enjoy! if you have any requests please feel free to ask. love you all and have a lovely rest of the week!

warnings: swearing

[masterlist]

Being a journalist for Vogue was probably the biggest flex you could ever make.

After 3 years of studying English Literature at Surrey University, you never thought, only a year after, you'd be working as an apprentice at Vogue UK. If it weren't for your Aunty, who worked in the fashion design section at Vogue HQ, then you'd no doubt still be a broke-ass, single, lonely student. Ok, lonely you still were but your job was so full-on that you didn't have time for a relationship.

Two years into your apprenticeship you were promoted to an official member of the team, and then another two years later you got promoted to team leader in your department of journalism, and editing; The Media - or as you like to call it - "The Celeb Goss". You were beyond happy with your job and found such passion in every article your wrote. Whether it be about a new celebrity romance or the collapse of one, you found a way to story-tell in such a meditated way that everyone loved your pieces.

That's why the Harry Styles had requested you to be the one to interview him.

Of course you'd written about A-list celebrities in the past, producing articles on pregnancy rumours, or engagements, or breakups, but you'd never met them before authoring an article. You'd met plenty of D-list celebrities who thought they were mega famous, but if you mentioned their names people would turn around and ask "who?".

This is why interviewing Harry Styles was a massive thing for you.

Not very often did you get to do work out in the field, especially in these covid infested days, but nevertheless it was your favourite part of the job. Getting to meet the people you were writing about was completely refreshing, allowing you to obtain a clearer outlook on which direction to take on your journal piece.

You were asked to go to Stonehenge, where the photoshoot was being filmed, as your office of interview. Even though you'd lived in the UK all your life, you'd never actually been to Stonehenge. It wasn't really on your bucket-list, but it was a pleasure to get to see it all the same.

Being the prepared interviewer you were, you'd prepared an array of questions that you were set on asking Harry. You'd never met him before, but after much googling and youtubing of him prior to meeting him today you would already be confident in saying he's the most brilliant man to ever exist. You were really nervous that you were going to screw this interview up and make a terrible mess in front of Harry Styles.

"Lisa! What if I accidentally say something I shouldn't?" You ran your stressed hands through your hair.

This whole morning had been frantic. It had started off by you waking up late, no thanks to Lisa, your best-friend and co-worker, pressing snooze on the alarm. You wanted to look professional today so you'd put on your best shirt - only to spill coffee down it ten minutes later. So now, you smelt of coffee and were wearing what was left in your wardrobe - and it wasn't much. The only things left clean were a pair of pink corduroy flares and some, pastel coloured, graphic t-shirt to go with it.

"You won't. Stop being so negative." Lisa rolled her eyes, probably fed up with the amount of winging she'd heard from you this morning - and you'd only been awake an hour.

"My outfit is hardly professional either." You huffed, pouring the rest of your, second, coffee down the drain.

"Well I think you look gorgeous." Lisa stated, whilst putting her breakfast bar wrapper in the bin.

You and Lisa were back and forth about you stressing, and such, for about half an hour before you had to leave. You had a great panic about losing your glasses too. You could see without them up close, but for long distance viewing and reading you were practically blind. You were taking Lisa's car, since she didn't think you were emotionally stable enough to drive. Lisa was the creative director on the set, and thank goodness she was so you could at least ramble to someone.

After a two hour drive up from London, you arrived at Stonehenge and it was freezing. Although the sun was out, it did nothing to keep your body heated. The journey up had been nice because you sat in your nicely heated car, chatting away with Lisa and blasting some Harry Styles out of the speaker. You'd made it through the first album, and the second one up to Canyon Moon before reaching your destination.

Upon arriving you could just about, without glasses, make out about 15 other cars, arranged at the bottom of a hill. There was an array of Audis and BMWs, a few Range Rovers, which you placed your bets on one was Harrys, and a green, vintage, Jaguar which was most likely belonging to the fashion editor or something. There was also a modern barn, perched at the foot of the hill, which was where Harry would be getting changed in to his various different outfits.

It took you a moment to register that Lisa had parked and was already clambering out of the car, making you look a little idiotic still blankly staring at the beautiful scenes in front, and around, of you.

But it was still bloody freezing.

You jogged a little to the boot and whipped out your white cardigan. Originally you'd thought that this would've been enough to keep you warm, but now you were starting to think otherwise.

The atmosphere here was amazing. People were rushing around left, right and centre loading, and unloading, various pieces of equipment and clothes. You caught sight of brightly coloured fabrics being carried to and from various places. There were the camera crew, and presumably director, all chatting amongst themselves. The smell of the very fresh air was so lush that you'd forgotten what it smelt like - especially after years in London.

You grabbed your bag from the boot, which had your notes, recording kit and laptop stuffed inside, before locking the car and following Lisa in to the barn.

It was lovely and warm inside - a completely different climate to than the outside. It was as if it was Bali inside and Antarctica outside. Better Bali than Antarctica though.

"Ok. Let's put our stuff down over here and then go find people we need to meet and such." Lisa instructed, you still too in awe of the place to fully comprehend what was going on.

You followed Lisa and you two ended up dropping off your stuff next to some other bags. You took a liking to the purse next to your stuff. Next to your bag, it made yours seem ancient - like it was worth nothing more than a penny. It was luscious and a beautiful baby blue colour. You softly ran your hands over it, finding satisfaction in how smooth and subtle it was.

"Hope you're not planning on stealing that, love." A manly voice appeared from behind you. You whipped around to see who's bag you'd been messing with, and it was just your luck that it was to be Harry Styles'. Of all the people's it could've been it had to be his.

Perfect.

He looked dashing. He was in black flares and his iconic 'But daddy i love him', t-shirt, along with a huge green anorak. His hair was prettily clipped back with a pink clip, presumably placed there to gave his curls greater volume. In his hand he had a pink toothbrush and you guessed he'd come back over to put it away in his bag - only to find you caressing it instead.

"Oh - no, no. Not at all. I - uh - I just thought it was beautiful." You stammered over your words, choosing them carefully to try and make you look less like an active criminal.

"Mhm." Harry nodded whilst looking you up and down, most likely judging why a peasant like you, in comparison to him, was touching his expensive property. "Well, I love your flares darlin'." Harry looked down at your trousers, his compliment making you blush a little.

"Thank you. That wasn't professional, and neither is my outfit, I know, and I apologise." You added, because you knew that if your boss knew you turned up today the way you did she would give you a right bollocking - and potentially even fire you.

"Never apologise for flares. You look amazing." Gemma perked up, making you feel more self conscious surrounded by all these other beautiful women. Gemma was in a slouchy, knitted, jumper and basic jeans - no doubt all from shops beyond your budget - and yet she looked like a model fit for the runway for Vogue.

"Okay, sorry." You apologised again, to which you, creepily, got the exact same, stern, look from the Styles siblings at the same time.

"My stylist, Harry, introduced me to big pants. He offered whether I wanted to try a pair of flares, and I was like, 'Flares? That's fucking crazy'!" Harry laughed as he told his story, earning a laugh out of you too. "Now they're my favourite item of clothing. Have a whole wardrobe dedicated to them."

"I wish he was joking." Gemma laughed at her brother and his flare obsession.

"Well you do look handsome in them, so I understand why." Your words rolls off your tongue before you could even comprehend what you were saying. Only after you finished your sentence did you completely intake what you'd just said.

"Good start." Lisa giggled to you, before turning to walk over to the coffee station. It was a help-yourself coffee bar and you knew that you were going to bed at least five cups to get over the last five minutes alone. You'd probably drain the station before letting anyone else have any.

"Oh god." You awkwardly mumbled, not daring to see how weirdly Harry would be looking at you, before walking off outside.

You had spent less than 10 minutes here and yet you'd never felt like a bigger clown. Joining the circus had never been so easy.

The outside wind hit you like a powerful leaf blower, and your hair blew around like crazy - most likely compiling into a birds nest on the top of your head.

Today was supposed to be the start of something great. Your hopes were set on a promotion from your written masterpiece, whilst enjoying the company of one of the most handsome, most lovely, most talented men of this century. Those hopes seemed a little too distant now. They seemed to mock you, as if to laugh at how you ever thought you were going to be any more successful. You'd completely, in more ways than one, made a fool of yourself in front of your interviewee, you were so underdressed, you were caught fondling his Gucci purse and you were still bloody cold.

It all felt too unprofessional for a job where professional was practically the driving force of the company.

You leaned against the barn, taking a deep breath to try and calm yourself. You were a master in over-thinking, but unfortunately that wasn't something you could add to your resumé. You let your eyes close and the other senses come alive for a few moments. The sounds of distant sheep and the smell of the cold wind were just two of the senses that allowed you to take a step back for a minute, and breathe.

"Thank you." A voice interrupted you from your attempt of quick meditation. You looked to your left and noticed Harry standing there, still in the same outfit as before.

"I'm sorry?" You asked confused, taking a step away from the barn to considerately pay more attention to him.

"Thank you - for saying I look handsome in flares." He repeated, smirking when he added the second part.

"Oh." Was all you could respond, feeling too embarrassed to take the conversation any further. "I should—" You pointed back to the barn, using it as an excuse to leave before yet screwed up anymore.

"Lisa told me you're the interviewer." Harry added, and it only occurred to you that you'd never actually introduced yourself. "So it's lovely to finally meet you Y/N." He stuck out his hand for your to shake, which you did willingly. His hands were a lot softer than you'd expected.

"Ho... You know my name?" You asked surprised.

"Of course. I also know you're the best writer in Vogue right now." He flattered you, which made you blush. You had a feeling he'd make you do that a lot today.

"Sure." You rolled your eyes as you spoke sarcastically.

"Well I chose you for a reason, didn't I?" He rhetorically asked.

"I mean.. I, well.. I don't know?" You stumbled over your words, making yourself look like a larger fool than you did already. Today was just turning out to be exactly what you didn't want it to be. "Sorry."

"Stop apologising. You do it too often." He told you, nearly making you apologise again but he gave you a jokingly stern look, as if he knew what you were going to say, and so you decided otherwise.

"Harry!" You both turned to see there was a man waving towards you both, but specifically to Harry. "Come get changed!" The same man shouted. Harry lifted his thumbs up, as if to signal he'd be there shortly.

Harry turned back to you and noticed you shiver a little.

"I'll start the interview after I come back from the dressing rooms, yeah?" Harry asked, taking off his, khaki green, trench-coat in the process. He handed it to you before you could oblige against it.

"Wait what?" You confusedly looked down at the coat and back up to Harry.

"Gives me a piece of mind knowing my interviewer isn't going to die of hypothermia before actually interviewing me." He smiled, obviously attempting to crack a joke and you have to admit you did laugh.

"Thank you." You say, before he runs off to where he's being called to.

••••

You'd been sat inside for a little while, waiting for Harry to come back. It gave you time to perfect your questions though.

Thinking up questions to ask Harry had been a challenging task, but one that you'd been fully invested in. You loved creating questions to ask him that were going to get to understand him on a deeper level. He was a very private man, and you completely respected that. If you crossed any boundaries, with the questions you'd ask, you would write them out of the interview. You liked to think you hadn't thought up a question that would make him feel uncomfortable though.

Pissing off Harry would be on another level of shame.

"Coat kept you warm?" Harrys voice disengaged you from your notebook.

"Hm?" You asked then replayed what he'd just asked in your mind. "Oh, yes. Thank you very much." You stood up, from where you'd been perched on the floor, picking up your nearly finished green tea as you did so.

Only when you stood up did it come to your realisation that Harry was now in costume. He was dressed in luxury. Each item looked like it cost more than your rent, and that was saddening. He looked rich and luxurious. To be quite honest, you were finding it rather difficult to take your eyes off him.

"You think the outfit is Vogue enough?" Harry asked, striking a few poses, which made you laugh. It was refreshing to see him act so relaxed and carefree, rather than a stuck-up-prick you knew some celebrities to be.

"Completely. I love it!" You exclaimed, appreciating the twirl he did for you.

He was wearing a kilt-like skirt and he looked beyond beautiful in it. Fuck toxic masculinity. Fuck being a manly man - like what does that even mean? Harry was embracing gender fluidity and experimenting the ways in which there was no definitive line between men and women's clothes anymore, and you thought it was marvellous. Revolutionary, for times as politically and socially troubled as these.

You started removing the coat in attempt to give it back to him, but he refrained you from doing so by holding on to your forearm.

"Keep it. I thought we could go outside to start the interview, so you'll be needing that." Harry told you, and you agreed - however reluctantly that was. You couldn't really complain though, because the coat did kept you warm and, what's better, it smelt divine - just like you'd imagine Harry to smell.

"Okay. Thank you. Do you want to go now?" You asked hesitantly, not knowing whether he was busy for someone else right now.

"Whenever you're ready, love." He answered, making you feel more relaxed. He was going at your pace and was making you feel settled - he was even more of a gentleman than people described him to be.

The two of you had walked around the backside of the barn in silence, enjoying the comfort of each other's presence. Well, at least you were. It was a blessing no one was back here. It was just you, Harry and the scenery that surrounded Stonehenge.

You approached a bench and you plopped yourself down on one end, whilst Harry sat on the other. He respected the fact that there was a pandemic going on, and didn't want to make you uncomfortable in any way. You still had your mask on, so Harry had taken that as you were very conscious about the virus - which he admired.

You pulled out your glasses, from the depths of one of the coat pockets, and placed them on your face, probably making yourself look even geekier than you already felt. Today was just one of those days you wished you had good eyes...

You opened your spent notebook, musty pages practically falling apart, and turned to the section of questions you needed for that interview. You were so nervous already and you hadn't even asked anything yet, all because of the previous interactions with Harry today. Your shaky hands shuffled through the pages and you cursed under your breath when you struggled to find what you needed.

"Shoot. Come on." You mumbled quietly under your breath, hoping it would make this terrible situation end faster. You mustn't have been as quiet as you thought though.

"Y/N." Harry's name broke through your clouded mind of self-disappointment.

You looked up at him to see him softly smiling at you, blowing all worries away from you away with the wind. "Yes?" You timidly asked, pushing your wind-swept hair out of glasses - where it'd gotten caught.

"You’re alright, love. You don't have to be professional around me, alright? We're just two strangers having a conversation, to get to know each other, okay?" If his words didn't calm you enough, the soothing sound of his husky voice certainly did.

"But that would mean you asking me stuff too?" You replied, confused at his implications of the phrasing 'getting to know each other'.

"Mhm." Harry nodded his head.

"Oh I don't know Mr Styles, i'm not a very interesting person." You answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, pushing your glasses back up the bridge of your nose from where they'd fallen.

"I refuse to believe that." Harry chuckled, making a quick smile appear on your face. "And please call me Harry. Just Harry." He begged, obviously finding it weird you calling him by his professional title. All you wanted, ever, was for your interviewee's to feel comfortable and safe, so if Harry wanted you to call him Harry then so be it.

"Ok, Harry," you sarcastically said, earning a shake of the head on his behalf, "you can ask me a few questions throughout the day." You told him, but you knew he'd struggle to find even two questions when he realises how bland you are.

"Does that mean you only get to ask me a few as well?" Harry smirked, already knowing the answer to that question. Unlike Harry, you had to write an article about today when you got home and so he knew that you'd have to dig as much dirt as possible from him.

"No, sorry. I don't particularly want to lose my job." You paused to look down at your notes, squinting a little as you did to see better. "Okay. Tell me your experience with corona virus."

"Sorry I didn't quite catch that, love." Harry apologised, leaning in slightly to see if he could hear you a second time around.

"Sorry." You looked down to fiddle with your fingers - a habit you'd undertaken when you're embarrassed. "Um..," you cleared your throat, "would you mind if I took off my mask?"

Your timid voice sent tingle down Harrys spine. He didn't think anyone could ever be this sweet. "Not at all, ‘course you can." He replied, again, wanting to make you feel as comfortable as possible.

You hesitantly took off your face mask, feeling like you were in some dramatic movie where they face revealed someone. You kind of liked having the mask on, because, for one, it kept you warm, and for two, you were a little self conscious with how you looked compared to all the other women here today. You shoved the mask in your pocket, with trembling fingers, before looking back down to your notes.

"Woah." You heard Harrys voice being mumbled under the wind. You eyes shot up to his and you noticed him staring right back at you.

"W-what? Is my acne playing up? I knew I should've—" You self-consciously run your hands over the areas you know you got acne. The masks really didn't help when it came to skin care.

"Hey, stop. No. You just... You look beautiful." Harry complimented you, and a roaring blush arose on to your cheeks. You'd never been called beautiful before, and so you were taking the compliment like such a 13-year old.

"Oh, uh, thank you." You awkwardly answered, not really having any other words come to mind in that moment. Harry chuckled under his breath, still keeping eyes on you for some reason.

"Would you mind repeating your last question, I didn't quite catch it?" Harry asked politely.

"Sure. Um, tell me how you've experienced corona virus." You repeated for him, gripping ahold of your pen to start copying what he says and pressing start on your recording device in case you needed it later.

"Well, it's been tedious that's for sure. However, I just want people to be safe and for life to return back to normal, so therefore i've been very MIA for a lot of the time. Keeping to myself mostly. I only went out for hikes or bike rides. All my meetings were online, so it's been very lonely." Harry kept eye contact with your figure the entire time, and if it weren't for you concentrating on writing what he was saying then you'd probably melt away under his gaze.

For such soft eyes he sure was intimidating.

"I presume the loneliness sent you crazy at times." You laughed, because you sure felt that way through lockdown. Curse being single.

"You have no idea." Harry laughed along with you, making you, slowly, feel more at ease.

"Actually, you'd be surprised." You looked at him unsure, before returning down to your notebook.

"Okay then, first question from me," Harrys words made your head shoot up, "How can someone as amazing as yourself be lonely?" He asked and you made a mental tally of how many questions he'd asked.

"Could ask you the very same question, Harry." You slyly replied, avoiding the question by answering with another question. It was a tactic you'd learnt, throughout your years of journalism, when you wanted to dismiss something .

"That's cheating." Harry pointed at you and raised his eyebrows, but you couldn't take your eyes off the big, cheeky, smile perched on his face. You shrugged you're shoulders in defence and returned to your questions. "But you did just call me amazing, so I think i'll let it slide this one time." You blushed, again, when you understood what he meant.

He was amazing though - that was the truth.

"You were in L.A. for the majority of quarantine, am I right to say?" You already knew the answer but your manager had just wanted confirmation.

"Yeah, but L.A. feels like holiday, whereas London feels like home." He answered, which you appreciated. He hasn't got lost in the way that Hollywood could let people. He'd stayed grounded.

"So what did you entertain yourself with during quarantine?" You asked curiously, slightly side-tracking from your pre-written questions - just because you were intrigued (nosey).

"Not much, not to be boring. I ate a lot of bread. I worked out pretty much every day. I wrote quite a bit actually." He used his fingers to pinch his bottom lip, something you'd noticed he did in interviews.

"Does that mean a new album on the way?" Your inner fangirl was screaming at the thought of HS3.

"Can neither confirm nor deny." Harry smirked to himself, like the cheeky bugger he is.

"That's a yes then." You joked, pretending to write it down in your notes.

"You're impossible, you." Harry laughed and shook his head. It made you feel all funny the way you could make him smile like that. You were the source of his happiness for just that moment, and that was enough to make you feel happy for a lifetime - not that he felt the same.

"Next question," you stated, moving swiftly on because you knew you had limited time, "How's your experience with Vogue been so far?"

"Wonderful. Everyone has been so welcoming and that makes it so much easier for me to have fun. It's daunting going at things alone, but i'm getting slowly used to it now." Harry sniffled a little, probably due to the freezing cold weather here.

"Must be strange, not having four best friends around you, all the time, anymore." You stated rather than asked him, sure that he was missing his bandmates. I mean, you were - so he definitely would be.

"Brothers." Harry replied, making you look up at him confused.

"I'm sorry?" You asked, giving him your full attention.

"You said four best friends. Well, actually they're my brothers." His words actually caused a rift in your heart. You could feel it being pulled apart and torn in to two. If you wrote this in to the magazine the fans would have a worldwide passing-away-party.

"Harry." You said softly, slightly tearing up at his words. "God, I swear i'm not normally this emotional." You chest your throat and try to establish your dignity - however there wasn't that much left anymore.

"Oh shut up." Harry looked away obviously trying to hide the fact that he was tearing up too. You laughed at him but didn't draw any more attention to it than you guessed he would've wanted.

"They mean a lot to you then?" You asked, hopefully not treading on any unwanted territories.

"Much more than a lot, yeah." Harry nodded his head, turning it back to face you. He could tell this conversation was now off-the-record because of your closed notebook, your undivided attention towards him and the fact you’d turned off the recording device. He liked being able to look at you, rather than the top of your head. He swore you were the prettiest girl he'd ever seen.

"You still see them often?"

"Not as often as i'd like. Niall did come around the other week to drop off some old guitars he didn't want anymore, and then we ended up playing around with some music for a bit." He admitted, which stitched your heart back together.

"So does that mean a Narry collab?" You teased, biting your bottom lip in anticipation.

"Narry? You so are a directioner." He laughed along with you.

"And you just avoided my question, therefore there is a song out there written only by you and Niall." You concluded, which shut him up.

This conversation was going a lot better than expected. Certainly a lot better than earlier. You will be permanently scarred by the way you spoke to him and handled his belongings. It was going to haunt you forever - and yet he'd forget about it by tomorrow. Or maybe he wouldn't, which is why you felt the need to apologise.

"Harry?" You asked, clearly indicating this was still a conversation away from the interview.

"Yes Y/N?" He watched you intently, listening to your every word.

"I, um, just wanted to apologise for my behaviour earlier. I was just really nervous to meet you, and to be honest still am. I didn't mean to touch your stuff without your consent and I certainly didn't mean to make you uncomfortable with any of my comments. So, i'm sorry. I can only imagine the awful, yet true, things you must think of me." You rambled really quickly, that you were uncertain whether Harry even caught one word of what you'd says.

"Do you know why I asked for you to interview me Y/N?" Harry asked, which wasn't the first thing you expected him to say after your apology.

"No. I...well Lisa told me it was because I can write well or something." You suggested, not wanting to sound egotistical.

"I mean you do write perfectly, but no." You were intrigued now. "I asked for you because I, and this is not for your magazine, have a secret - but not-so-secret - crush on you." This time it was Harrys turn to blush.

"Harry... you don't have to say that to—"

"I'm not saying it for anything. I sincerely think you are the most delightful, most prettiest, most fucking sweetest person i've ever met." Harry exclaimed, which you were taken aback by. Never, ever, did you think that Harry Styles would proclaim his likeness towards you. Ever.

"Harry don't mess with me, please." You shyly spoke, tilting your head down in disbelief that the Harry Styles was smitten about you.

He shuffled along the bench, stopping a little way from you but close enough to reach out for you. Your heartbeat increased when you noticed his hand move closer towards you. It didn't stop till he reached your face. He took his time, courteously, pushing your hair behind your ear before removing you of your glasses. He held the right-eye frame and slowly pulled the glasses off your face.

Once he'd successfully taken them off he folded them up and placed them alongside your closed notebook.

"Can see those pretty eyes now." He whispered quietly, but loud enough for you to hear.

"Don't lie. They're so dull." You mumbled, lifting your head up slightly. His face was still away from you.

"Not to me they're not." He retaliated, looking deep into your eyes as you did his. "I hate this corona virus."

"Why?" His words were so out of the blue sometimes, it gave you whiplash.

"Because I can't be as near to you as I want to be." Harry told you. And yeah, you hated corona too. It was getting a little laborious now.

"Smooth, Styles." You chuckled. You wondered how many new and weird pick-up lines could be made from covid.

"I know." He winked, which honestly would have made you throw up if it were any other man on the planet. Somehow, though, Harry just made it seem attractive - along with every other thing that man ever did. "After this, would you like to come back to my house for a cuppa tea?" He asked sweetly, like a five year old asking whether you wanted to play together.

"Okay. Lisa was my ride though." You said more to yourself than anything else, debating on how you'd even get to Harrys. Uber? Taxi? Lisa? Walk?

"I'll drive us, it's fine. I have to drop Gem off, but i'd be more than happy to chauffeur you." Harry kindly offered, to which you were internally screaming about. You were literally, and metaphorically, having a field-day with all this Harry content and interview.

"Are you sure? I don't want to be a burden." You question politely, not wanting to overstep any boundaries - especially in these covid infested times.

"Of course. I wouldn't have offered otherwise." He protested, waving his hand at if to say it was no bother. You were already trying to work out, in your head, how much petrol money you were going to owe him.

"Then i'd be honoured to have a brew with you Harry." You giggled at how cringe you were being, even if this was just your normal self speaking.

"Great." Harry genuinely smiled, teeth and all. "My shoot should take a couple of hours, but feel free to continue to write and journal. I'm looking forward to reading this particular article." He winked at you before standing up.

"Wonder why?" You sarcastically asked, knowing full-well it was due to his exposure of his own feelings towards you. Even though you'd never says anything back you were quite in agreement on how you felt about him, like he did you. He would be a narcissist to say he knew you liked him the same, out loud, but he knew. And you knew that he knew.

"Wonder why indeed." He gave you one last smile before he'd disappeared for the rest of the afternoon, leaving you to digest and relive the past half an hour or so.

Being Harry Styles' crush was probably the biggest flex you could ever make.

••••

After Harry had finished up his shoot he was quick to come find you again.

You'd watched parts of his shoot and he looked magnificent. There wasn't a good enough word to describe how amazing he looked. Harry, his stylist, was probably the best stylist out there. His fashion choices were unmatched and you wanted him to be yours. You were not rich enough nor fashionable enough, ironic for working in a a fashion company, to hire a stylist, but you would if you could.

You were so proud to see what he was achieving now as the person that he was. Harry was just being Harry, without the devilish control of shitty managements or ridiculous amounts of PR stunts. Harry was more free than ever, and it definitely showed just how much he was enjoying it.

You were certain that this Vogue magazine would break the internet - his fans were good at doing that. This could be a turning point for many people, with their outdated and ignorant views. There was no room for people with racist or homophobic or transphobic or xenophobic - and the list does go on - views anymore.

You were waiting by the front door of the barn, to catch Harry as he walked past. You caught sight of him in a white robe, presumably to get changed back into his everyday clothes. He looked really pretty in the robe - very domestic actually.

Today had been a good day.

Harry asked you to send over the more specific Vogue questions to him via email, so he could devote more time in to answering them in a lot more depth. You thought he meant you'd be sending them to some PA in his team, but you were shocked to understand he'd given you his personal email.

People were walking back to their cars and packing away the filming kit. You saw Lisa and the director talking to one another, no doubt discussing some in-work gossip.

"You ready?" Harrys voice reminded you that you'd been waiting for him. You looked to see he was back in the same clothes as this morning, only this time without his coat.

"Here?" You offered, having him over the coat once again but he declined.

"Looks better on you anyways." He winked at you, before walking through the car park and to his car. You were very surprised when you found out Harry was the one to own the green Jaguar. You assumed all celebrities drove the Range Rover, but no. The vintage car added to Harrys immaculate vibe and just made him that little bit more hot.

Harry properly introduced you to Gemma, who was equally as lovely as Harry. They were both amazing people and they were crazily alike. From the way they looked, down to the way they phrased their words, they were mistakingly twins. Gemma explained how Anne, their mum, didn't know they were doing this photoshoot and that it was going to be a surprise, which you thought was so cute.

Gemma spilt a lot of gossip on Harry, to which he got very embarrassed over. You learnt that Harrys first word was Cat. You learnt that Harry is godfather to multiple children, which you found heartwarming. You learnt Harry used to be a baker - which was something he elaborated on for a good half an hour. Harry was just a fountain of memories and Gemma was the one sharing them all with you.

The drive back to London was relaxed. You sat in the back, listening to Harry and Gemma pointlessly argue whilst an Arctic Monkeys album played in the background. You forgot that people like Harry drove, and listened to music, just like other regular people. You often misplaced celebrities in society, thinking they had everything done for them but in reality that (often) wasn't the case - at least not for Harry.

Gemma was dropped off quickly before Harry drove to his. It was no surprise that the Styles siblings didn't live too far away from each other. Harrys house was beautiful. Bigger than anything you could ever dream of buying. It was a palace compared to your cupboard-sized house. You were unbelievably jealous. He gave you the tour of the house, showing you where the toilets were, and even his panic room if necessary.

You migrated to the kitchen for a bit, talking about anything and everything. Getting to know the minuscule pieces of information that no-one else was trusted with, made you feel special. Harry made you feel special - even if he weren't meaning to.

Every moment held a spark. Every touch set off a firework. Every laugh was an electric burst. He made you feel so alive.

"We can go to the living room after this has boiled." Harry said, pointing towards the streaming kettle. He wanted to show off his fancy tea collection he had, and let you have a try if you wanted to. Harry was boring and chose the basic green tea, but, after much deliberation, you chose the cranberry green tea. It intrigued you and it sounded delicious.

"Why the extensive tea collection?" Not even you, a certified caffeine addict, had this much tea in your house. Coffee was a different story and one in which you didn't want to talk about.

"They help me with my meditation." He took the teabags and placed them in his glass mugs. They had a delicate Gucci stamp on them, and you just imagined that they probably worth the same amount as your daily salary.

"You meditate?" You were slightly surprised that he did.

"I try to yeah." Harry nodded, focusing on pouring in the boiling water into the mugs. "I've got very tight hamstrings and so it helps if I meditate twice a day."

Harry finished making the tea, in the light-filled kitchen, before showing you around to the open-lounge area. Everything was modern and chic. It was exactly how you imagined it, but better. The open, red-brick, wall was a beautiful feature and one that you were a whore for! It reminded you of New York and the memories you'd made there one summer.

The sofa was a beautiful velvet, green, sofa. It was soft and gentle, a lot like Harry when you thought about it. The whole house was an architectural masterpiece and you'd be lying if you said you weren't jealous. You sat on one end and Harry went to go and sit on the other end.

"I don't bite you know?" You joked, self-consciously wondering whether he didn't want to be sat near you.

"I know, I just don't want to step on any of your covid boundaries - which is perfectly fine by the way." He added, apprehensively taking the spot next to you.

"No, not at all." You ushered him to sit next to you, as you took a sip from your steaming hot cup of fruity tea. "If I smell though, do tell me!"

"Yeah, you smell bloody awful!" Harry sarcastically remarked, but laughing afterwards to assure you he was joking. The atmosphere went quiet for a minute, only the sounds of passing cars and deep breaths being heard.

"Y/N can I ask you something?" Harry turned the tone of the conversation. It sounded like he wanted to be more serious than you two were being beforehand.

"Anything." You encouraged him to continue. You placed the cup of tea down on the table, deciding it was too hot to drink right now, and gave him your full attention.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Harry questioned. You didn't think you'd be having a conversation this intense - especially if you had different opinions - on your first day of knowing each other, but here you were.

"I believe you can love someone at first sight. I don't believe you can be in love with someone at first sight. Why?" You were curious as to how his brain had journeyed to this particular topic. You'd never really had this conversation with anyone before, mainly because you were unaware of the true power, and meaning, of love.

"It uh... It doesn't matter." Harry shook his head and you could tell by his body language that he was shutting you out. Maybe you'd made him uncomfortable.

"Sorry I didn't mean to—"

"No, no. Please don't apologise. It's just - I like you a lot more than you may think." Harry shyly told you, which made you all soft inside. He was being vulnerable and that was something you admired in a partner. You didn't just need love, affection and trust in a relationship. No. You needed vulnerability and heartbreak too, and Harry was revealing that part of him to you.

"I like you a lot more than you think too." You repeated, not because you felt bad for him but because you truly did like him a whole lot. Love was a weird yet wonderful thing, and if you were to hazard a guess you'd say you loved Harry.

You couldn't wait to be in love with him.

"Does that mean I get to crown you my girlfriend?" Harry excitedly asked. Harry happy was something that should be made a constant, and you were more than happy to be in control of that.

"At least take me out first." You bargained, wishing for nothing more than to go on a date with Harry. Where you'd go, you had no idea. Everything was closed right now and there was still the chance of becoming sick with corona, but no doubt Harry would think of something not only clever, but special.

Of course you'd love to be Harrys girlfriend. However, you wanted one more, official, opportunity to really get to know him - unprofessionally. You wanted to make sure that you knew, and he knew, that you wanted to be with him because he was the charming Harry you've come to love, not because he was Harry Styles.

"So you're allowing me to take you on a date?" Harry smirked like a little child, your heart fluttering at how excited he was to be able to treat you to dinner.

"Yes, Harry. Yes I am." You answered sweetly, offering him the cutest smile you could.

You can't believe what a turn of events today has been. You've gone from nearly writing yourself on Harrys enemy list to writing yourself on to his 'people he's dated' list. Who knows what the future would offer you. At the start of the day you had wished this whole day to end and for the ground to just swallow you up, now you never wanted it to end. It was too perfect to be true and yet it was.

Harry was the most wonderful human to exist and you were beyond surprised to be the one to catch his attention. You didn't understand why you were so special, but it was nice to feel like this for a change. It was nice to feel wanted.

••••

A few months later and you were officially Harrys girlfriend.

It had been such a crazy few months. Harry religiously took you out on dates every week. Whether it be to grab a hotdog at a local diner, a coffee from a quaint cafe, a walk in Hyde Park or a late-night drive around London - which normally ended up with you falling asleep before you could make it back to yours. On sleepless jet-lagged nights he'll still drive through London's quiet streets, seeing neighborhoods in a new way, just as an excuse to spend time with you.

Harry often stayed over at yours. Even though you looked like you lived in a shoebox compared to Harry, he liked it. He liked the subtly and normality of it all. He wanted your life to remain as normal as possible and, apart from the occasional paparazzi incident, it did. You never had anything to complain about. Of course the online bullying created emotional wounds, at the start of your relationship, but it was nothing that Harry couldn't repair with a bit of love.

Lisa has nominated herself to be maid-of-honour when the day comes - if the day comes. Harry has already pinky sworn that you are it for him. The one, as some may say. You were utterly flattered, but you certainly unsure of what the future help for you both.

You loved Harry, you do love Harry and you will forever always love Harry.

It was ridiculous to think that all this stemmed from you working at Vogue. From you studying English Literature in a city away from London. From you dedicating you extra hours gaining work experience and money to be able get in and afford university. So many moments in life have you stopped and said 'i wish i hadn't have done that', but now you were convinced that they were the best things to have happened to you - because they lead you, all, to Harry.

And, being Harry Styles girlfriend was probably the biggest flex you could ever make.

866 notes · View notes

youngbugandtonystank · 3 years

Note

what's the difference between what wanda did to those people in wandavision and what tony did with ultron?

I have so many asks about this. Hate asks, and people wondering what’s going on. This is the only one I’m answering.

Both of them are responsible for their actions. I’ve seen people try and take away either Tony’s responsibility for that or Wanda’s engagement and accountability.

In Tony’s case, the Ultron program was supposed to be a global peacekeeping program to protect the people, acting as a suit around the world to prevent events like the Battle of New York. He was doing it in the name of peace and safety. Tony was rightfully scared because he was the only one who knew what was coming. Wanda intentionally enhanced that fear in him and this drove him to create Ultron with Bruce. He has responsibility for it. Same as Bruce. He owns up to this, he took full responsibility and agreed that they needed to be regulated.

Tony Stark: A few years ago, I almost lost her, so I trashed all my suits. Then, we had to mop up HYDRA... and then Ultron. My fault.

Tony Stark: There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary-less, we're no better than the bad guys.

Tony Stark: That's good. That's why I'm here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stop manufacturing.

If people think he needs to be in jail for it, then I’m guessing the rest of the Avengers too since all of them have made mistakes and killed people too. As a matter of fact, after the events of Wandavision, I’m sure that Wanda should be in the Raft, but because she’s ‘a poor baby’ yall won’t think she deserves that.

SPOILERS

It’s a big possibility that we don’t have all the info about what happened in Wandavision but we’re going to go with what we know so far.

In Wanda’s case, she did it to appease her grief and pain, and I can understand why she would get to that point, she’s been through a lot and maybe she was about to lose her mind. Instead of recruiting Wanda after the Sokovia incident, they should’ve given this girl treatment for her mental health problems. She just lost her brother and passed through a very traumatic war zone, of course she needs assistance. Cap and Natasha were the ones responsible for her because they were training the ‘new’ avengers. Sam was with them and he used to be a counselor to veterans with PTSD. He could’ve helped Wanda with some of her traumas. As shown in the series, Wanda did the whole hex business before meeting Agatha, which means creating that little reality was all Wanda’s responsibility. Hayward and Agatha did exactly what Wanda did to Tony (and the avengers/other people) in AOU. They manipulated her and played with her emotional traumas. Hayward showed her Vision’s body parts and Agatha started to pull strings to know how Wanda did what she did and her real powers while orchestrating against her.

Both of them have made mistakes. No one is better than the other. I don’t understand why some fans want to make someone responsible more than the other or blame one character for the other. While Wanda gave Tony that vision and pushed his self-destructive side to obsess over saving the world, he did create Ultron, what Tony didn’t predict was that the robot was going to corrupt itself. Same with Wanda, while Agatha and Hayward contributed to her trauma, she held hostage and isolated 3,892 people to create her perfect reality, ripping these people away from their identities and free will to fit her own fantasy. Don’t turn this into ‘omg poor her, it’s Tony fault that she’s this way'. I can’t believe I have to repeat this but you don’t see Peter Parker obsessively looking for the person who manufactured the gun instead of the criminal who actually killed Uncle Ben. Ridiculous that I have to repeat this example.

Oh and about Vision’s body (damn yall have a gift to turn everything into Tony’s fault for some reason). I can’t believe some of you think Tony (while grieving for 5 years) would give Vision to Hayward. You’re either pulling stuff out of your asses or you didn’t pay attention to the show. Maria Rambeau founded and was the Director of S.W.O.R.D. In 2018 (when IW happened), this is where she came up with a new policy within S.W.O.R.D. to ground snapped agents in case they ever returned. Maria was diagnosed with cancer, then two years later (2020), she passed away. Then, Hayward was promoted to Director of S.W.O.R.D., in his first years (2020-2022) he refocused the organization’s work from extraterrestrial operations to robotics, nanotechnology and artificial intelligence, etc. There, that was the 5 years. Then in 2023 it’s when he started project Cataract, which revolved around rebuilding Vision as a sentient weapon. Tony was dead when this happened. How come yall don’t get this part? I don’t understand, do you really think his dead corpse signed some papers to give Vision to those people? LMAO

Instead of thinking Tony would give up Vision just like that, think (possibilities):

Maria was the head of S.W.O.R.D., she might have just been keeping his body safe without doing anything with him. Maybe she trusted Hayward and he, obviously, betrayed her because he’s turning her organization into something else after her death.

One of the Sokovia Accords regulations states that the use of technology to bestow individuals (the term ‘enhanced individual’ in this book is defined as any person, human or otherwise, with superhuman capabilities) with innate capabilities is strictly regulated by the government, as is the use and distribution of highly advanced technology. Vision signed those accords ('I'm saying there may be a casualty. Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict... breeds catastrophe. Oversight...oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand’) The Avengers were no longer be a private organization and they operate under the supervision of the United Nations. This means they (UN) were the ones that referred Vision’s body to S.W.O.R.D., to a trustworthy leader, Maria.

Vision died in Wakanda, not in New York. Tony was missing for 22 days after the snap, the rest of the avengers should’ve taken responsibility for his body.

Why is it always Tony’s fault but never consider that other parties are also involved in this?

I want to address some other asks with this one. I know some of you are angry because people are starting to blame Tony all over again, so a few things to remember:

Tony did not create the Accords. The Accords were the result of all the collective actions the Avengers have done in their superhero careers. All of them have made mistakes and the collateral damage of that was taken into consideration by the government and 117 countries around the world. He signed the accords because he knew that he could amend them with the support of the rest of the avengers and he knew about Thanos (something big was coming).

Obadiah Stane (it’s so bizarre for me seeing that some people don’t know who this guy is, I’m guessing that the people who are watching Wandavision are too young to remember or didn’t watch the Iron Man movies at all which is highly probable) was the one selling weapons to the wrong people, not Tony. Obadiah was the CEO of Stark industries and became second-in-command for two decades. He grew jealous of Tony and began cooperating with the Ten Rings in Afghanistan, selling them Stark Industries weapons illegally. Imagine blaming all of it on Tony when Obadiah basically murdered thousands only because he felt a little green. If someone who you trust (he had no reasons to doubt Obadiah since he was like a second father-figure for him) does something behind your back (take into consideration that people like Pepper; who was Tony’s assistant and had knowledge of all of Tony’s activities and responsibilities, Rhodey; who was the liaison between the military in the department of acquisitions and Stark Industries, and Happy Hogan; who was his personal bodyguard and Head of Security of Stark Industries, didn’t know what Stane was doing either), how are you going to know about it? Tony trusted him. And when he realized what was going on he immediately stopped all of it. He worked hard to be better and people overlook that because they want other characters to look better.

Don’t act like Tony was the only one assisting the military. All of the avengers assisted in one way or another. Natasha (who used to be an assassin) was in the Red Room, trained in the Black Widow Program in association with Leviathan and the Soviet Armed Forces, served for KGB, etc. Bruce Banner used to work for the United States government and was commissioned to create a super serum for them. Same goes with the rest, Sam, Clint, etc. Steve Rogers was a soldier lmaoooooooooooooo like, what happened to Tony with Obadiah happened to Steve with SHIELD/HYDRA in TWS. He trusted the people working in there (SHIELD), served for them, did missions for them and as soon as he found out what they were doing behind his back he turned against them.

Knowing all of this, how is Tony always the villain for yall? I’m guessing because Tony’s popularity in the MCU, but still, aren’t yall tired of not understanding the plot and having people repeat it to you constantly? Watch the movies if you want to understand the franchise, people. Stop following the crowd.

Also, Wanda is not a kid, she’s a 35 year old woman in Wandavision, she was 26 in AOU and 27 in CW. Hardly a child. Tony had almost her same age (38) when he realized Obadiah was selling illegal weaponry behind his back. The only reason people don’t fully forgive Tony is because 1. he’s a man and 2. he’s a billionaire. Even if Wanda was poor she still killed and hurt many people over the course of her life. Stop trying to make Tony the villain only to downplay Wanda’s actions.

Both have killed people, both have made mistakes. They’re both responsible for them.

#wanda maximoff #wandavision #vision #tony stark #avengers #marvel #mcu #this is the only ask I'm answering about this #exhausting

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mermaidsirennikita · 2 years

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I am so over all the hyperbolic language about Pam and Tommy and the people who watch it. Shows and movies about real life people have been made for years and they will continue to be made. And projects made without approval or consent have also always been made. Lifetime literally makes a fuckton of them!? If you're so upset about this, where the hell have you been all this time and where is this energy for all the other stuff??? It all feels like such performative activism.

It feels that way because it is lmao. Like I gotta say, as horrible as the abuse Tommy inflicted on Pam is and as awful as the tape scandal was... People have been complaining about arguably more intense periods of their lives being portrayed recently, and literally nobody gave a fuck. The Guccis had the murder of a family member played for soapy melodrama--and I gotta say, as much as I did enjoy that movie, I can't deny that it was promoted a bit as "woman does feminist act of murdering her husband" and like... Yeah bro!!! If I was related to Maurizio, that would've pissed me off.

And just a few years ago, The Assassination of Gianni Versace distorted several things about an extremely intense spree killing in which multiple men were killed. One man was portrayed as closeted when we honestly have no evidence to definitively say he was, and his wife has always insisted that he wasn't. He was, again, brutally murdered so he can't speak for himself.

There was no "boycott House of Gucci" or "boycott The Assassination of Gianni Versace". Some people did take issue with it, and it was discussed, as it always is when people complain about the existence of biopics about them. And the subjects always have that right and I totally get why they don't want these things out there--but they're always going to be made.

I guess what fascinates me about all of this is the white knighting for Pam as opposed to literally anyone else who has gone through the same thing. And I do think that it's because she is a certain type of a woman that Twitter and Tumblr users attach themselves to. I've seen several people defending her to the death say that like "I don't know much about Pam, but she seems lovely". Like? Lol? Is that why she deserves the defense? If y'all were more aware of the shitty things Pam has said and done, would her rights suddenly matter less, the way the rights of the Gucci family or Donatella Versace apparently do?

I'll be real here, whoever Pam is (and none of us know her) she deserved none of what happened to her. But we've got a lot of people out here acting like she is their proto-feminist perfect victim, and... I know enough about Pamela Anderson to know that she's not that. She shouldn't have to be that to have valid complaints. I'm literally waiting for this trend to go the way it always does. Suddenly people are going to say "you guys, I just found out that Pam is friends with election meddler and possible sexual predator Julian Assange :( #PamisCancelledParty". Suddenly, her complaints won't matter anymore because she's problematic, just like Donatella was problematic, the Guccis are problematic, the Windsors are problematic.

Finally lol..... All of this is being done when Pam has not said a single definitive thing. She's leaked sources~ and Courtney Love (Courtney.... Love...) has spoken out on her behalf~. Just like. The way this has been blown up is borderline hysterical. I'm now seeing people say that this is a pattern for Gillespie because he also made I, Tonya and Tonya Harding "hated" it--lol, she thanked Margot Robbie for the portrayal in an interview and attended the movie premiere and promoted it, but sure!

At least like... Know a little bit about what you're talking about, you know?

#pam and tommy

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princelyhelp · 2 years

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Hi I'm not sure if it's alright if I ask you about this or not (if not then you can delete this message ofc!) but I've been roleplaying for around 10+ years but I've never been an admin before (or a co admin) but I really want to open a rp group cause I have so many exciting ideas for a rp, dedication and plenty of free time, but I kind of feel like it's too late for me to admin for the first time? Idk what I'm doing, I will definitely do something wrong and I'm sure that people won't take me seriously 😣 is it too late for me to do this? And if not, do you know any guides about running a rp in 2022? Thank you so much!

ofc it's fine to ask me this!! i need you to know that it's NEVER too late to be admin, like ever. if you want to open a rp then do it!!! GO FOR IT!!! I'M ROOTING FOR YOU!!!! just know that while it's a lot of fun being an admin, there's a lot that goes into and sometimes, you're gonna find yourself annoyed with some people. but that's okay!! you're human, it's natural to be annoyed by anons who don't read over stuff before they ask you stupid questions like Is ThIs RoLePlAy AcTiVe type shit. and who cares if you mess up, you're human, that's what we do. but you learn from your mistakes and aim to do better. so if you mess up as an admin, apologize and take ownership for your mistake and do better. it's okay!! no one is gonna judge you ( we only judge racist and homophobic admins <3 ).

As for guides, here are some that i found in the tags!

Admin tips! What Makes or Breaks a Roleplay?

Essential Pages for the Main

Things Admins Should Do Before AND After Opening a Roleplay

Different RP Tags ( avoid using literate rp or lsrp bc fuck them bitches )

How to Write Prompts and Tasks

How to Make Your Roleplay Inclusive

How Rigby Runs a Roleplay

Writing an Event

And then tips from me! The girl who went from running a rp on Crunchyroll to Tumblr!

Optional! If you want to work with others, you could see if anyone wants to help you. You can either ask friends or ask strangers, whichever works for you. Just make sure to set up proper boundaries and make sure everyone is on the same page.

Since you're a new admin, I recommend putting a cap on how many members you want. That way you can get used to handling a rp without overwhelming yourself with muns and muses. A nice cap would be 10 to 15.

Use other rps as inspiration. Look at what pages they have, how they set up their main, and how they advertise their groups. Also check out what themes groups are using, though I recommend avoiding container themes with small font because those aren't accessible.

Be a fun admin. Like, be,,,, professional in a way, but also have fun!! Go stupid go crazy when you're advertising, use memes, come up with wacky ways to get people to look at you. Like I LITERALLY created the "cool rp" "swag rp" and "swawesome rp" tags,,,,, and guess what??? ANOTHER RP IS ALSO USING THOSE TAGS!!! not saying im a trendsetter but,,,, i'm a trendsetter

Discord Server/OOC blog! Okay, this is def hit or miss. Discord servers can be great, it allows everyone to talk to each other, you can post events and tasks in them, etc etc. I love them but others don't, which is so valid. Discord servers and just ooc chats can be overwhelming or people might feel left out because of them. It really depends on what you want to do, just be aware of the pros and cons.

Be a prime example when it comes to having diverse muses. Like for me, when I'm looking at a rp, I see how many black muses they have because I refuse to join a rp and be the only one with a black muse,,,, like absolutely not OAIGJAIGAIA But if you start off with a diverse muse (AND KEEP IT GOING!!!), it'll pull more people into checking out your rp.

Just create your rp and stick to it. It's gonna be tough at first, you might not get a lot of people joining but I promise you, when you stick it out and keep promoting yourself,,,, you're gonna love it because the apps will be flowing in!!! Just believe in yourself.

And that's it! Hopefully that was helpful anon <3

#rpt #rph #rp guide #the prince speaks #idk if any of that made sense #i wrote half of it without my glasses so the screen was very much blurry #me: why cant i see anything #me five minutes later: DUH KASHIA YOUR HEART EYES ARE ON THE TABLE #anyways if you need someone to check over your main just send me a message!!!#it'll take me a minute to get back to you but i promise that i will #okay now i go eat some food

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aphrodite1288 · 3 years

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Ks has been receiving love calls since he was still in the army. He had already said that if he was asked to participate in a variety show, he would accept. He doesn't want his private life exposed is one thing, doesn't mean he doesn't want to be promoted. You are making excuses for the neglect, mistreatment and sabotage the career him

#Disclaimer: 1st of all that's going to be a long ass Post to reply to any asks like that, so I hope people would read everything and not just read half of it and go bark somewhere about something I said that I have explained later but y'all didn't reach it to read it! So read everything before making comments or sending me asks. I don't want to repeat what I said here. So read before coming at me and bombard me with asks about stuff I already discussed here in this answer!

Sis you barely even know anything of him now. He already started filming his movie in June and finished filming his MV in late May or early June and you knew nothing about it 💁🏻‍♀️ coz if he really wanted to share that with y'all he would have mentioned it in his bubble or at least we would have seen him outside in the set. BUT HE DIDN'T WANT TO 🤷🏻‍♀️ HE doesn't want y'all to know, and don't tell me "coz SM is locking him up in the basement" that's why he can't breath and write you in bubble?? Heck! He even comes sometimes just to tell us about the weather or to drop a song and never mentioned about anything else about his life or his schedule. Normally all the members update about them going into their schedules but without revealing the content of the schedule coz that's the rules, but at least we get a pic or two of them heading to their schedules! To know that they're jobless! Heck Sehun is jobless now but we see him more than we see Ksoo who's extremely busy with a drama a movie and a debut and album preparations and promotion preparation! But Ksoo doesn't want that! He doesn't want y'all to know things about his life or what he does, or where he goes 🤷🏻‍♀️ That's why his fans and Fansites are so secretive and don't share anything, UPON HIS REQUEST. And to respect his extreme private character.

If he wanted he would have accepted Variety shows darling. He is busy filming a drama and a movie and making a debut and an album and preparing for promotions. Do you think he is free to be on Variety now? Even if he was asked , he can't now. Maybe later after or during his debut to promote for his album yeah, But definitely not now. Yes he had opportunities and he refused them coz he's busy. And maybe we would see him in the future but he is not into reality shows that much. Now he is focusing on his acting career and singing career relatively. As he is still not built as a solo artist yet to start a new journey for building a variety character and image for himself now. But maybe after his debut. Hopefully 🙇🏻‍♀️🕯️🕎

Sis he is busy, booked and he doesn't like being in the lights. He said it himself he had trauma in the past that left scars on him and affected his behavior with his own fans that's why he said he is distant from them.

Stop making me look like I hate Kyungsoo. This account is MAINLY and ONLY about HIM and Ji 💁🏻‍♀️ do you think I'd bother make an acc about him and talking about him 25/8 if I hated him 🤦🏻‍♀️

Fans don't want to admit their idol don't like interacting much with them 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's the truth. He likes his job but not the fans and sasaengs and aeygo part of it. He said it himself, he even thought of quitting Many times, as he found that he isn't FITTING into this idol world.

There's something u need to know, SM only wants to renew with Ksoo and Chan and Ji and Baek and mainly KSOO and Baek. So he is not sabotaged he is favored in the company. It's just that he doesn't like working with sM anymore! and he is enjoying his acting career and idol life while being locked up in the studio and movie sets without fans mobbing him and following him everywhere. If it wasn't for Hongki we would never know that Ksoo started filming and making his album and blah blah. Yes Ksoo doesn't like talking much to the fans and he isn't the type of idols to share everything about his life and everything he does.. with his fans. As he does his job as a real job and he enjoys it. I sometimes doubt that ksoo is the one writing in bubble 💭 except for the song recommandations maybe. 🤔

If he wanted he would have sent y'all pics of himself in Bubble like how all the members do but HE DOESN'T WANT TO 💁🏻‍♀️ Now go blame SM on that too.

I was always told that Ksoo said he wished he was a professional actor and singer but to not be famous! He said he wishes to be known for his talents and to do his job that he loves so much but to not famous at the same time 😂 which is impossible btw. He said he hates fame. He wishes he could do the job he loves so much but without the whole interacting and fame and spotlights part of it. I was told that. Since very long ago and I was sad at first to hear that. But after seeing Kyungsoo enjoying his privacy and not being mobbed and respected by his fans, I was extremely happy. Heck you can rarely hear anything about him or see any pics of him from his fans coz they keep everything to themselves coz I was told that that's what Kyungsoo wants and they keep his life private and never share anything about him- I was so happy to see him do what he likes the way he likes it in complete privacy.

We rarely hear he was out with someone for a meal but when we do, it's years after it happened 😂 or with no pics at all. Like how he met Zico and they were both at the studio maybe collaborating. But we didn't get any pics from his solo stans and Fansites not even Exol. Cuz they know he doesn't like it when things about him get exposed .

Like we rarely saw any pics of him outside not before military nor after. And this been happening for years now since debut (I mean the issue of rarely getting updates and pics about him in the streets or restaurants or hanging out with friends) wdym SM is putting him in the dungeon for once debut?? No! Sorry he was the most promoted member and the first one to start a solo career as an actor ONLY 2 years after his debut when he was still a rookie, he has always been the most promoted among all the members even before Jongdae and Baekhyun ! 🤷🏻‍♀️

To put it up in another way: Ksoo doesn't like working with sM anymore and all the members too as they're all now going to leave and not renew so they mostly accept few of the projects suggested to them to make profit from them and stay active in the lights in the mean time before they decide what to do later. So they will not risk taking big opportunities with big companies or shows and sign big-long term-contracts for a long period with big acting or variety companies coz they can't do much projects now in the name of SM since the contract is nearing its expiration, so as long as they r still labeled as SM ARTISTs and still under SM contract so SM would still take their fair share of the profits, So since their contract is nearing its end..they can't do big projects that require long period of time such as accepting deals for long term positions in a show such as "Official MCs" or "Fixed cast member in a show that would last for years" or to "sign with an acting company coz most of them have the bare minimum for a contract is 3 years i guess (idk i don't remember) or to sign with any company that obliges a long-term contract " etc.. coz SM would still take their profit even after they leave as the contract was signed with those companies when Exo's contract with sm was still on. And that's the last thing they want.. is after leaving your shitty company, they would still take profits from you.

Also most companies don't suggest you big and long term projects when your contract with your company is nearing its end! That's why most if the members now are jobless only getting few short-termed projects, Coz these companies are not only working with the idol BUT they're working with their company as well. As it's the one who decides most of the the idols opportunies and decisions and does everything for them.

So if you don't like the truth and don't like to hear things that don't go along with your fantasies about your Oppa then that's not my problem 🤷🏻‍♀️ Go Fix it .

And I hope you won't drop Ksoo after discovering something about him that you didn't like to admit he has 💁🏻‍♀️ he doesn't like yall to know things about him and he doesn't like interacting with his fans that much through social media. He has a private IG and if he wanted to talk to y'all he would have made a public one but he doesn't 🤷🏻‍♀️ just like Jongdae! And they are free and we should respect their decision! Jongdae Chose his private life over fans and trust me he is so happy with his wife and daughter and i saw them with my own eyes. He is enjoying his privacy and he is caring less about what haters are saying or if fans are disappointed.

You should get used from now on to the feeling that your bias doesn't want your nose always in his life and doesn't always want you to know everything about him and doesn't want to show himself up in programs and projects he doesn't want to do just COZ YOU WANT TO SEE HIM THERE. Also Make it in your heads that your bias private life and his close people are 1000 better than being with you all the time and satisfying your requests and fantasies💁🏻‍♀️

Respect and understand that your idol doesn't always want you to know everything about them and if your Oppa likes to be introvert and private you should respect that ! instead of complaining 25/8 on Bubble and twitter and IG about wanting to see him.

Be like Korean Exol they see Ksoo they meet him all the time they photograph him yet they never share anything or if they do it's after a long time, just coz they respect him and they know how private he is and how he hates his info and pics of him enjoying his day being exposed all over the internet. That's why we rarely get updates about Ksoo from OPs. And even if you beg them to buy his pics and updates they won't give u anything. That's why sasaengs always say they can't get anything about ksoo coz it's very hard as he is a very private person and his info are the hardest and most expensive to get.

Remember in the first half of 2019? When he disappeared for 6 months straight and never updated one word about himself and we were so worried and though he was leaving? He didn't even come out to deny the departure rumors it was SM who did, instead when we were all scares he was leaving and we haven't heard anything of him and were dying of concern, he was enjoying his cooking courses and applying for military and preparing for his position as a chef in military and going on vacation with his friends and squads and lover and chanyeol and you didn't know anything about him, you didn't hear one word from him! (Except for the pics with chanyeol at the airport and just coz chan was there if he wants tI doubt we would have got pics of ksoo at the airport leaving to japan) And he went straight to military after that with no update nor a goodbye Party nor anything! Just a plain letter in which he said he will enlist and after that he disappeared for 3 years (6 months before military and 1 year and a half of military and 7 months after discharge💁🏻‍♀️) Heck He even went and told the member that he will enlist without hesitation coz he is like that and members said they were shocked when he came and said he is enlisting all of a sudden like he just told them he was going to play football or something 🤷🏻‍♀️ He didn't want to make a goodbye party for his enlistment like how XIUMIN did, and why again? for the same goddam reason 🤷🏻‍♀️ don't you ask yourself why we rarely get any news about him 🤔 it's COZ HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW. 😂

After his discharge we heard he went along with Park shinhye and his Hyung actors squad to play golf together right after his discharge (in January 25th) , in February but we got no pics 💁🏻‍♀️ Why? Same reason🤷🏻‍♀️ everyone in korea knows Ksoo doesn't like coming out of the closet and expose himself to the public and interact with FANS and haters and obsessed fans and sasaengs.

KSOO WAS TRAUMATIZED BY FANS and SASAENGS AND IF YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DID TO HIM AND WHAT HE SUFFERED YOU WOULD UNDERSTAND HIS LACK OF INTERACTION WITH FANS and you WOULD GIVE HIM EXCUSE. HE CAN'T HELP IT! He tried so hard to get over this issue but couldn't. HE LOVES HIS FANS BUT HE CAN'T INTERACT WITH THEM PROPERLY AND HE APOLOGIZED ABOUT THAT A LOT! So please understand him.

Sometimes it's not always the company sometimes it's the idol himself who wants some SPACE. Maybe A LOT of space 😂 in Ksoo's case.

I'm not making excuses for the sabotage and Mistreatment, I'm showing you the Kyungsoo that you probably don't know.

We can't judge SM mistreatment to him now as he is not active now, but once his album is dropped that's when we would see and we could judge if they treat him well or not. And i hope his album would get all the promotions his talents deserve.

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hustle-cat-scenario-fun · 3 years

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Can I have either headcanons or a scenario about the crew doing up the cafe for Pride month, please?

Of course, anon! I was planning on doing a pride scenario this month anyway! - Admin Avery

Pride month was a time where A Cat's Paw was bustling with activity amongst the staff, even if customers were still slow, as each tried to help provide their skills to set up events and decorations for the celebration. For most of them, this was something they were naturally used to - for Avery, however, the bustle was a bit much and they spent the day flitting between different coworkers to assist in whatever task they had set themselves on.

"Hey, Reese!" they called out as they walked over to the boy sewing together flags, banners, and even outfits - one of them seemed to be sized to Avery's measurements, taken earlier that month. "I told you I'd be fine wearing my hoodie, it's already the nonbinary colours."

Reese's eyes were filled with a disgusted glare at that comment, and his focused expression turned into a disappointed scowl. "You're planning on wearing something that shoddy and worn down for a pride month celebration here? Avery, we have class. I'm sewing you something better." He explained bluntly, pointing out tears and holes in the hoodie that Avery wore essentially every day.

"It's a comfy hoodie..." they argued back, but Reese was having none of it.

"Which is why i'm using fabrics as similar to the texture as possible, but making it more elegant. Now hold still." Another measurement, just to be sure, scribbling down the numbers and adding more material - That's when Finley popped out in her newly designed outfit, fiddling on her phone.

Her makeup and nails were done to look like different pride flags as she flicked through some sites and apps, before taking a selfie, other pictures of things that had been previously set up, and uploading it as part of promotion. She was far too eager to handle the posting of this sort of thing. "Heyhey, sweeties~ Pride Promo posted, we should get busy customers this month all coming in to celebrate! I've booked us some popular people in the area, too. Set up a box for extra stuff that'll all be going to charities to help out people! Oh, Avery, come here quick!" Without much say, they were dragged over by Finley's arm against their will, but willing to help out regardless. "These pamphlets look good to you? One's for finding support groups, the other is trans friendly docs in the area willing to prescribe hormones, got one with notes about where to get stuff like binders and breastforms and all that. Just wanna make sure they're not too hard to read!"

Skimming over the designs, they all looked good! Goodness, Avery hadn't even heard of some of these areas despite them being pretty close, Finley sure knew how to dig deeper into the web for information and locations than they could. Sometimes she found sites that didn't even show up on search engines...

"It looks perfect! Just make sure to get them actually printed, not everyone's going to be able to have them sent digitally." They informed, and quickly Finley rushed out, remembering that physical copies are, in fact, important too.

Mason was focused in the kitchen, and had asked to not be disturbed for the day, but it was tempting regardless - what sort of things was she making for the month? Were the cat donuts iced like flags? Did the meals have a colour coded theme to them? Was she doing a pun-based dish thing like some restaurants? It was hard to tell, until.

"Avery. Kitchen. Now." Stern as always, but she didn't sound mean - more direct than mean. "Yer better at namin' dishes round this time." Ah, so they were somewhat colour coded for some, but others were just needing pun names... Thinking up those would be difficult, but Avery had a perfect idea for the pride cat donuts. "Feline Proud Donuts." Avery chuckled, making use of the similarity between Feline and Feeling, and it was immediately noted down - almost as if there'd be no question to their suggestions. "Uhhh, I'm sure I'll come up with more!." They weren't running on too many ideas today, huh? Mason nodded, and allowed them to go on their way, hoping to find some inspiration sooner.

Also in the kitchen was Hayes, fiddling around with different beverages - teas, coffees, iced teas, frappuccinos, etc. All trying to make them work with different flag colours as much as possible, but the nerves and stress were getting to him a bit, he had needed a break.

"Hey, you doin' okay? I get this is a busy month, take the time you need, yeah?" Avery offered, sitting nearby, but not directly next to the worried boy.

"I just want the drinks to be perfect. It's a lot to worry about for big events." His voice was quiet, barely a whisper and very mumbled, but it got across the sentence to Avery perfectly enough.

"Hayes, you're a coffee snob, the drinks are going to better than perfect." Avery joked, before noticing that might be seen as a rude comment. "Meant in a good way- Like, you have a lot of passion for making it good quality." "I guess... Thanks. I'm gonna take some cat time, if that's okay? Have you seen Graves?" Cat time was essential in busy moments like this, especially for Hayes - that was totally okay.

"Nobody's ever seen Graves. He's probably putting up safety wards to make sure everyone's comfortable and protected when coming here for the event - and Landry's at a friend's garage preparing a pride float with Gina and Kaz for the city's event. You're invited to join the rest of us on that parade day, but I totally get if it's too stressful for you. I can grab some noise cancelling headphones, or whatever else."

"Thanks... I'd like that."

With each of them set on doing their own thing to help celebrate, as well as promote the café as a safe and friendly business, it was a hectic time - but they were going to get through it. While Avery didn't manage to provide much action-based assistance, the moral support and someone there to complain to when things were being difficult setting it up was a huge help to the staff's motivation and determination to get this through without a hitch.

This month was going to be glorious

#Hustle Cat #HustleCat #hustle-cat-scenario-fun #HustleCatScenarios #Hustle Cat Avery #Hustle Cat Reese #Hustle Cat Finley #Hustle Cat Mason #Hustle Cat Hayes #Hustle Cat Landry #Hustle Cat Graves #Hustle Cat Gina #Hustle Cat Kaz #Scenarios #Anonymous #Admin Avery

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waterparchive · 3 years

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Woodrow Whyte — May 19, 2021

"I don’t know if I want a lot of musicians I love to know I exist because then the possibility of them thinking I suck comes into play"

To quote a famous drag queen, the cheek, the nerve, the gall, the audacity and the gumption of Waterparks to name their fourth album Greatest Hits. It's a bold statement but if anyone can pull it off, it's the Houston trio and their charismatic frontman Awsten Knight.

Like many releases this year, most of the record was written, recorded and produced during the pandemic, and the enforced downtime leant itself to introspective songwriting sessions.

"When you’re alone for so long, it takes a toll on you and forces you to examine yourself more", Awsten said in promotional materials for the album, before adding “When you hear this album, I hope you walk away feeling like there’s no other band doing anything like it. In my opinion, these are our Greatest Hits. As long as you go into it without expectations of prior things, I think it’s going to be your favourite fucking Waterparks album.”

Fans won't have long to find out if the Greatest Hits lives up to its name, as it drops this Friday. To tide you over until then, we asked Awsten to take a trip down memory lane with our My Life In 20 questions.

20) What did you learn about yourself in 2020?

I learned that I can stop using social media if I want to. I knew we weren’t gonna be doing anything so I took a good 6 months off and when it was time to come back in September, I really didn’t want to. I broke that addiction to checking Twitter all the time. It was cool though because we also grew a lot in that period, so I didn’t have to feel guilty for taking that time.

19) What was your favourite album from 2019?

FANDOM. I make all the songs I wish someone else would because they’d be my favourite band if they did. I’ll also say Igor, Amo, Weezer (Black Album), When We All Fall Asleep..., Anonymous, 7, prob some others but the wiki list is very long and I still have 18 questions to go.

18) What was the most important thing to happen in your life when you were 18?

Graduating high school, I guess? Getting a car was good too! I got my permit late because I was scared to drive and didn’t really care about going places, what a dope guy!

17) Who was your crush at 17?

I’m kinda blanking. Maybe Miley Cyrus?? Do people normally remember this stuff?

16) What can you remember about your 16th birthday?

I truly don’t remember it. I was probably wearing a studded belt if that helps though.

15) What did you hate at 15 which you love now?

I hated the straight edge youth crew dudes that would hang out at local venues and crowd kill when there were only like 40 people, like bitch you’re 28 and I’m 15, stop punching kids you my children my bride looking bitch good lordddd corniest dudes ever, looking like Christian Joe Dirt punching kids for scene clout.

14) What TV show were you obsessed with at 14?

I think 14 I was into Dexter. Amazing show but oh my god that ending. I didn’t have opinions back then about quality, but even at that time I was like

13) 13 is unlucky for some. Do you have anything that you’re superstitious about?

I’m very superstitious. Before shows I need everyone to stay away from me and let me play solitaire. I don’t walk under ladders, you can’t split the pole when you’re walking with people, I sage myself when I come home from anywhere, whole lotta stuff, baby.

12) If you could live the life of any other person for 12 hours, who would you be and why?

Honestly I’m fine being me, but if it was just for like 12 hours uhhhhh Charlie Day so I can do that thing with my voice when he says “OOAH HELLLLAOOOH”

11) Who was your best friend when you were 11?

Everyone I was friends with before music was just a friend via proximity, like we were on the same sports teams or had the same classes. That’s how it is when you’re younger. You don’t choose that shit when you’re younger, you’re just like, 'You’re near me, what’s up do u like Captain Underpants?' That’s kinda the deal until you’re old enough to be picky. I remember being friends with these twin dudes on swim team Benito and Ernesto, shout out those dudes wherever they are!!!

10) Where do you hope you'll be in ten years time?

Somewhere the internet can’t find me. I hope I’m into some stupid shit like boats, no wifi on the water.

9) What was your biggest fear when you were 9?

Ghosts, I think. And yeah, I used to hear voices! Not dope!

8) When you were 8, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I used to want to be an author/illustrator for kids books and an archaeologist! I’ll still do the kids books but, man, archaeologists have to be in the sun so much and I need to keep my skin cute so people buy my album. Greatest Hits May 21.

7) Which of the seven deadly sins are you most guilty of?

I just googled them for a refresher and it’s all anime. I’d either say envy or anger. By the way, who made this? It’s stupid as fuck that “anger” is a sin, like huh??????? Bitch I’ll kill you.

6) You can invite six people to your dream dinner party (dead or alive), who would you invite?

No dead people at my dinner party, gross smell. Here’s the thing, I don’t know if I want a lot of musicians I love to know I exist because then the possibility of them thinking I suck comes into play, and if someone like Donald Glover actively had the thought “god, Awsten sucks”, I’d be devastated. So I don't know if I want anyone in that realm to know who I am, I’m cool with loving them from afar.

I’m gonna say a group of people who have nothing to do with me. Like, 6 people who are working on the next Conjuring movie and I just wanna listen in on them and be like, “holy shit??????” I love y’all so much. Quick shout out Lin Shaye.

5) Name five things you can't live without.

Besides the obvious ones: dogs, personal space, sunglasses that cover most of my head, coffee, and tennis/biking. I need to tire myself out as much as possible or I get moody.

4) Describe yourself in four words.

Capricorn. Flexible. Weirdly tall.

3) Your top three songs of all time.

The Beach Boys - 'Wouldn’t It Be Nice', Rihanna - 'Bitch Better Have My Money', and Macklemore - 'Thrift Shop'.

2) Name two things on your bucket list.

A platinum Waterparks album, get a horror music video produced by Blum House.

1) What or who is your one true love?

Having one true love would be scary! Too much emphasis on one thing, too much to lose; can’t put that much on one person either! That’s a crazy level of pressure and expectation! Also Gwen Stefani.

#awsten knight #awsten waterparks #awsten interview #waterparks #waterparks band

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ao3-sucks · 4 years

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An Archive of Someone’s Own: my experiences being groomed in fandom circles on AO3

TW: Childhood sexual abuse, grooming, mentions of incest and rape.

I used to be a big writer of fanfiction. It was the logical choice for me. I loved to write and create bold and immersive worlds, and I craved an audience who would enjoy my work as much as I did. Since my writing wasn’t actually good, I needed a community of other amateurs who wouldn’t mind that, and by tweaking my characters and settings into ones from canonical media, I got the audience I so craved.

I started writing fanfiction online when I was 14, posting initially on FanFiction.net and then moving to AO3 a few months later. As I got back into writing original fiction towards the end of high school, I lost interest in this community, and it’s been a long time since I posted anything much on AO3.

I’ve always struggled with the fact I display a lot of symptoms of CSA, and for the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why. Throughout my teen years, I refused to get changed or bathe when anyone was even vaguely nearby, constantly paranoid about being spied on; I developed a severe touch phobia, and would have frequent panic attacks from something as small as brushing arms with a passerby; I resolutely identified as asexual and refused to get into anything resembling a relationship with others because the very concept disgusted and repulsed me.

Weird, considering I had grown up pretty normal and all of these symptoms had started around my early teens. It was only when I told my friends about my friendship with a 30 year old I had met online that the pieces started falling into place for me.

Child grooming is usually discussed in the context of one adult going out of their way to befriend a child with the goal of lowering their resistance to sexual abuse, through normalisation and friendliness. I’d like to talk about how that worked on the fanfiction website AO3. Since it’s an open website and most communication takes place between anonymous users or accounts in the comments section of a work, there is very little delineation between spaces for adults to discuss whatever dark topics they like and spaces for kids to do the same.

This frequently leads to pretty inappropriate conversations between people of widely varying ages and life experiences, which is how I ended up talking sex as a fourteen year old with people ranging from a couple of years older than me, who were generally okay, to more than twice my age. The 30 year old in question listed on her profile how many pedophilic ships she loved, and she knew my age but pushed me to keep discussing sexual topics with her. Sounds like a red flag, yeah? Well. I was 14, and very stupid.

This 30 year old woman, who I will call Aku (because it’s similar to her screen name and because it’s funny to name her after the bad guy from Samurai Jack) would start conversations with me whenever I posted anything to AO3 and would refuse to take no for an answer when I tried to back out of conversations with her, and since these conversations were public and occurring within comments, I didn’t want to be rude to her since this was taking place on content I was trying to promote.

I told her my age multiple times and she would either pretend she forgot from last time (saying her memory is super bad) or continue as though it was just trivia about me and not a sign she shouldn’t have been pushing me. My primary objection to what she would say to me (since most of it was just her being annoying) was her insistence on sexualising everything I wrote, and her determination to push me into writing pornographic content, which I eventually gave in to.

Yes, she was a terrible person. She emailed me using her personal email address, so I know her full name and place of residence, because she’s an idiot. These emails also contain sexually explicit materials. Nothing much ever happened between us except for these very creepy interactions and the fact we remained online friends for a few years. But here’s the thing: she wasn’t the only person pushing me into creating sexual content. Lots of people would comment on my writing demanding that I show explicit sexual content when I really didn’t want to.

After a while it felt like I couldn’t write a longer, romantic fanfiction without including explicit sexual content. Like my work wasn’t valid without it. Other, more popular writers were usually sexual in their content, and I wanted to be like them and bring in the views, right? So, when I look at my back catalog of works, I can see how my content moved from completely non-sexual to featuring sexual content over time, and the views usually came with. In this way, I was in an environment that was encouraging me on many levels to sexualise my own work, which impacted the way I thought about my creative process.

Here’s another example I remember. When I was a young sprout, I remember reading down someone’s list of fanfiction recommendations and seeing a work called Hug Therapy, which I promptly read. While the work is marked as explicit and containing the Loki/Thor pairing, the use of relationship and rating tags on AO3 is so poorly regulated that it didn’t really mean anything to me to see either of those. People tag hardcore material as non-explicit and tag friendships as relationships, because there’s no motivation to tag properly. Plus, someone I followed here on Tumblr had recommended it to me.

Now, you wouldn’t know from the listing, but while this piece starts out as comedy, it turns out in the end to include rape, incest, and BDSM in very explicit terms. The fact it was tagged as being explicit didn’t slow me down, because the liberal use of these tags could mean that an explicit tag was just there because sexual content was implied or mentioned, which I thought would be the case based on the rest of the listing. Out of curiosity, I recently tried to report this work to the moderators for containing no warnings about incest or rape, and I got this in response:

“Selecting “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings” satisfies a creator’s obligation under the warnings policy. Users who wish to avoid specific elements entirely should not access fanworks marked with “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings”. Our Terms of Service note: “You understand that using the Archive may expose you to material that is offensive, triggering, erroneous, sexually explicit, indecent, blasphemous, objectionable, grammatically incorrect, or badly spelled. ….. This decision is in accordance with our policy of maximum inclusiveness; we have therefore closed this case and will not be investigating further.”

Which, yeah, I guess. The frustration comes from how ‘Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings’ is an extremely commonly used tag, and most things that it’s used on are totally harmless.

This fanfiction, which I was recommended by a friend, is hugely popular, in the top 60 most read fanfictions in the entire fandom. You wanna hear the kicker? The author, Astolat, is one of the founders of AO3. They’re not just some random author who isn’t following the rules. They’re a creator of the whole website, and they made the rules. This is pretty telling about how seriously the website actually takes protecting their users.

My final example I want to give is one of fetish content. People in fetish communities generally (not always) say that fetishes are probably something one should work up to after the onset of sexual activity, especially potentially harmful stuff like BDSM. In the circles I was running in, if you weren’t sporting a fetish or two (no matter your age) you were a boring bitch.

Maybe this isn’t true of everywhere in the fanfiction community, but I used to feel that bizarre pressure until I got out. Bear in mind that my main time in this community was from ages 14 to 17. I never made my age a secret, either. I told people outright I was that age, I was in high school, I was playing hockey and studying The Great Gatsby when I wasn’t online.

Since I was in the Avengers fandom and I liked Loki and the Asgardians, I was frequently exposed to incestuous content between Loki and Thor, and a lot of it came out of nowhere or was poorly tagged. This was considered the norm, and while I at first felt completely horrified and repulsed, within a year or two I no longer gave a shit. It’s only in the last few years as I’ve begun to unpack everything that I’ve started to get that strong revulsion reaction to incestuous content.

In the circles I was in, it was relentlessly normal. Normal to the point that people who disliked it were usually shouted down. Even to this day, debate rages on in fandom spaces about whether or not content like this normalises this kind of abuse. In my own personal experience, which I don’t usually like to talk about, it absolutely does.

In real life, this normalisation started to have serious consequences for my mental health and interpersonal relationships. In fanfiction, any occasion when you are alone with someone could become sexual, any familial relationship is possibly sexual, and it doesn’t matter if you like it or not. I became incredibly anxious around male family members for fear of being sexually assaulted, and my OCD, which I had been developing since I was a child, turned from thoughts of physical violence to thoughts of graphically sexually assaulted by anyone and everyone around me.

My fear of being touched got to the point where I would have panic attacks if anyone came anywhere close to touching me. I quit sports, fucked up my romantic relationships, and didn’t hug anyone, not even members of my family, for years. All the while, I had bought my first laptop and was consuming more fanfiction than ever before. I struggled with my sexuality growing up, as I am bisexual, and while fanfiction provided LGBT content to help me, the content was frequently so disturbing that I viewed any expression of sexuality as something evil and predatory.

The community on AO3, whether you like it or not, is often sexual, and provides no barriers between the casual user looking for content and extremely intense fetish material. It’s sometimes called the Pornhub of fanfiction, but considering the wide range of people who use it, it’s more like if you opened Youtube and saw niche hardcore fetish videos just on the front page, recommended and trending.

Sure, you have to click a little button to confirm you’re 18 before you can actually read a story, but the tags and descriptions of readily available works can be extremely explicit. Fanfiction also brings you into close contact with fellow readers and the author, and encourages you to become a content creator, which in some ways makes it more dangerous.

I was affected much more strongly by what I saw than most people would be, because I was already treading shaky ground. But I’m also not the only person out there who has been hurt in this way. Most of my friends who grew up in fandom can report the impact that fanfiction culture had on them. One of my friends from high school knew a panoply of porn terms at age 14 or so due to reading fanfiction, and another of my other friends at high school almost exclusively read rape porn because it was her favourite. I didn’t have friends who watched porn; I had friends who read fanfiction. These are just as troubling to me as any other accounts of young people consuming visual porn from a very early age.

It’s frequently cited that fanfiction gives minority groups the opportunity for creative outlet. It was a great place for me to cut my teeth as a content creator, and a source of acceptance and kindness when times were tough. Fanfiction communities have historically been the domain of women and minorities, and create a space for these people to tell their own stories.

It’s largely because of this that fanfiction communities fear censorship and strict moderation, as they have been attacked in the past on homophobic or misogynistic grounds, resulting in mass deletions of works or the shutdown of websites. But there must be some middle ground between total censorship and the kind of free rein that puts vulnerable people in danger, and I strongly encourage the board of AO3 to seek this middle ground out.

But it’s the community itself that needs to shape up; AO3 is, after all, a community-led website built by fans for fans, so the fact that this website has such issues is a reflection of the issues that run deeply within the people who created it. Aku didn’t talk to me with the intention of doing me harm, or so I believe at this time, and she didn’t pursue me as a lone wolf or in isolation.

She was simply a particularly brazen member of a community that was used to having inappropriate conversations with young people and sexualising everything they did. Even people my own age were jokingly pushing me into discussing and consuming extremely sexual content. It was just normal. That’s what I want to say here. Inside the world of fandom on AO3, the grooming of children with sexual content is normal. And that’s scary.

- Mod Daft

#mod daft post #ao3 discourse #fandom wank #fanfiction discourse #fanfiction wank #csa//#rape//#grooming//#incest//

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callisto-rants · 3 years

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Starting a new ✨series✨ that no one asked for! ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

Callisto-Rants presents...

Here's my Two Cents

Where we just throw down our two cents on how we would change a series to make it better, in our own personal opinion.

[You can Block this tag if you're not interested in this series: #Here's Our Two Cents]

Here's my Two Cents

Yarichin Bitch Club.

Ever since I had the misfortune of having that opening theme song stuck in my head because of countless memes and tiktok edits. . . I have wished for days to have the ability to create a time machine to prevent myself from saying. . .

"okay, fine I'll bite the bullet and check out the source material."

Now if you're reading this and thinking, "huh. I never heard of this series..." let me just tell you, GOD I WISH I WAS YOU RIGHT NOW.

No one was going to tell me this BL Manga about a "pHoTogRaPhY cLuB" wasn't completely INSANE? I was just supposed to find out Three Volumes Later??

Now some of y'all who have read the source material might be thinking. . .

"Okay Callisto, get over it it's obviously supposed to be a comedy it's not meant to be taken seriously 🙄"

And to that I say... I mean I guess??? But do we really need all of THAT to make it a comedy?? I feel like you could still have an entertaining comedy BL Manga without 90% of the shit that goes on in that series..... But that's just ✨my two cents✨ take it or leave it.

FIRST THINGS FIRST, here's all the stuff I'd automatically remove from this series off the bat.

💀 The Gang Bangs.

💀 Teacher x Student Relationships.

💀 In fact all instances of unconsensual acts & sexual assault committed in this manga. Throw all of that away.

💀 the fact that the term Bisexual was used as a replacement for the term switch, and had nothing to do with the sexual orientation itself whatsoever.

💀 The High School Setting.

💀 Whatever the fuck Yuri was on.

💀 90% of the hyper sexualized traits these characters had.

Now here's what I'd change to make it better... Basically here's an AU of what if it was actually a normal photography club....

Actually make it a fucking Photography Club. Not a sex club that's in a fuckin HIGH SCHOOL. Hell, you could just throw this in a college setting too, for more mature themes.

Main character, Takashi Toono a college student that's trying to get out of his comfort zone more. So he decides to join the photography club, because he thinks it's not demanding to require anything of him compared to any other club on campus. He knows completely NOTHING about photography, and doesn't have any passion for the art media. His Character growth would be learning to appreciate the art media While learning what it means to him, as well as who he wants to be as he enters the adult world as a young adult.

Yuu Kashima, can stay as Takashi's love interest. Also, I feel like all the members should have a specific style of taking photos that correlates with their personality in some way. Yuu's photography style would be something the lines of Candid photography which is a type of photography style that's main focus is to take photos in the moment or in surprise. Something he has already done when he took that photo of Takashi. I also feel like Yuu would be the one to keep pushing Takashi to love photography, and understand it's more than snapping a photo.

Kyousuke Yaguchi, can stay as the Love Rival for Yuu Kashima and overall keep his personality? It was actually pretty interesting and I liked his Character dynamics with everyone else. Kyousuke Yaguchi can also stay as the outsider that directly / indirectly influences Everyone else in the club. Causing Takashi to explore his feelings and expand his social group, and make him think about what he wants to capture in his photos. Overall the same interaction between Kyousuke & Yuu Kashima with their rivalry and brotherly relationship at it's breaking point. As well as, Kyousuke and Yui's relationship being tense with miscommunication.

Yui Tamura, I imagine Yui's photography style would be more of Adventure (capturing shots in the great outdoors, usually involving extreme sports; mountain-climbing, skiing, kayaking, sky diving, etc) & Sports Photography. Which could create interesting interactions between Kyousuke and Yui. Cue Yui trying to cover up the fact that, every time the soccer club commissions Yui to take some photos of their club activity to promote their club, all of Yui's photos are of Kyousuke playing soccer. Causing Yui to complain to Kyousuke to get out of his shots and that he's ruining them by being in all of them. So, Kyousuke just shouts back "then stop following me around with your camera, DUMBASS". Just imagine Them bickering, because Yui 100% did not delete the photo he captured of Kyousuke getting knocked out by a soccer ball to the face.

Itsuki Shikatani would definitely be in the club, but only because he prefers to have his photos be taken, more than he likes taking photos himself. He would probably be a cross dresser, who enjoys dressing up in feminine articles of clothing and posing for photos. Everyone on campus who doesn't know Itsuki personally, always asks who the beautiful woman in these photos are, the club president and vice President always just says it's one of their cousins that happen to be in town. If Itsuki had to have a style of photography, it would probably be fashion.

Toru Fujisaki. . . This one is difficult only because his Character is purely centered around Yuki's Character. . . So I'm going to take some creative liberties here. . . Probably really insecure about himself, because he feels like he's a wall flower that's really forgettable, that no one cares about. Although, it's mostly because he's shooting himself in the foot by not letting one have the opportunity to get to know him to give him a chance, in the first place. Until, he meets Yuki who makes him realize that not everyone sees him as a wall flower and someone can notice his nicer qualities about himself that he's hiding away. Toru's Character development in this AU, would be for for him to learn to love himself more and try to trust people to accept him. As well as to expand his social circle with the support of not only Yuki, but the Photography Club as well. At first I bet, he would only feel comfortable with Yuki taking his photos and modeling only for him, but over time he'd let the other club members take his photo when he gets more confident in himself. While also, developing his own style of photography, that isn't just "cute photos of Yuri", it would probably be Still Life or Portrait.

Ayato Yuri, okay first. . . I'm still not over the fact that this boy was written like a deranged feral child, that was given access to a pornhub account way too early in life. While being dropped on his head several times, before and after his first words. Anyhow. . . I feel like Yuri would fit the trope of the genius, that no one understands in any capacity. His mind is 10 steps ahead of everyone else and he forgets to slow down and explain what the fuck he's talking about, when he goes into a passionate rant about photography. With endless rambles about golden ratio, gold lighting and blue lighting, and how he needs these specific props, that don't seem to fit the theme of the photo at all to make it perfect. But despite that, his photos always come out beautifully. No one can deny that his methods might be extremely weird, but they always work out way too well to give anyone the opportunity to chastise him. Anyone trying to work with Yuri often leaves the experience with a beautiful photo in hand, but an enormous headache. Even members within the photography club can't keep up with Yuri most of the time either, he's often in his own little world that just makes sense to only him. He can be a eccentric and passionate about his hobby and goofy to not make people feel too uncomfortable with the huge distance he unintentionally places between himself and others when he doesn't bother to slow down for anyone. But, he still has a good heart to make sure everyone gets a piece of art that'll always be memorable to them. Additionally, with that being said I feel like Toru would be the few people that would consistently attempt to keep up with Yuri, when he's a light year away from everyone else in his rambles. Toru wouldn't shut down and show disinterest in what Yuri says when he can no longer keep up, he's always being supportive and encouraging Yuri to continue because he knows it makes him happy to be able to express his passion. And sometimes, Yuri will pause and explain a bit to let Toru keep up with him, because he just truly appreciates someone trying to get closer to him, without making him feel bad. I would say Yuri is a jack of all trades when it comes to Photography styles. There isn't a single style he is terrible at, but he truly excels at Abstract Photography.

Koshiro Itome I think Koshiro would fit the silent type trope, but with a lot on his mind. Always over thinking things, and although he looks calm his mind is always buzzing with 500 things at once. Because, of this the only way he can find some semblance of peace is by going out for a nature walk and letting the environment take his mind off things. He's always worries about deadlines for projects, meeting up with clients face to face for the first time, whether or not a company will like his photos he submitted, if his boyfriend Akemi is okay, what if he doesn't find anything to take a picture of or if he's missing the perfect shot right now, will the club be okay after they all graduate, what else can be learn to improve his skills etc etc. Akemi can always tell when he's actually calm and when he's just zoned out and drowning in his own worries behind his calm demeanor. Luckily for Akemi, he knows exactly what to do to make him feel better, like a life boat to his pleas for help in the vast ocean of his thoughts. Koshiro is 100% the mom friend in the club, always helping newbies out on how to properly take care of their equipment, and the general basics, stopping people from bickering and carrying around a Mary Poppins bag of useful items. "Damn I forgot to bring my infrared lens with me!" "It's okay I brought a spare, here you go." Koshiro's photography style would be Nature & Wild life, cue everyone wondering how the hell he managed to capture a photo of baby bear and it's mother so close up with such clarity with the equipment he has on him. It should be impossible there's no way he could it's just unlikely, but all Koshiro does in response is just shrugging calmly "I just slowly walked up to them, and took some photos and went my way after I was done, they weren't bothered at all." At first no one believes him, until they see the next photo of him petting the mother bear, and within the next photo of him holding the baby bears paw. I like to think Akemi is always bragging at how his boyfriend is basically a Disney Prince, with the way animals just trust him enough to let Koshiro approach to take the photos. Of course Akemi has the proof that his Boyfriend is not making any of these up. With photo evidence he had taken from a incredibly safe distance away, of Koshiro just interacting with wildlife at such a close distance. Because, Akemi was not in fact gifted the ability of a Disney prince, to be doing that shit that Koshiro pulls on a daily basis. I feel like because of this Akemi can be a bit over protective of Koshiro, always telling him to text him before he goes to work and he gets back home, so he knows a feral bear didn't devour his boyfriend in the woods. He tries his best to join Koshiro while he works so he can be at peace of mind that Koshiro is in fact safe, but they both know it's very difficult for Koshiro to focus. When his boyfriend is being incredibly cute how could he remember he's here to take photos of the wild life and not his boyfriend? That and Akemi always accidentally scares away the wildlife, when he accidentally reads the animals body language wrong as any attempt to devour his boyfriend. Akemi will lose 25 years of his life with amount of false alarms, he has encountered in those damn woods.

Keiichi Akemi, Akemi is definitely one of those smug bastards, that has an ulterative motive or an ace up his sleeve. Appearing sweet and kind until you realize it was a facade. But one way or another you find yourself wrapped up in his convoluted plans, where you're either in his photoshoot as a model or you're carrying all his equipment, while he goes from one job to the next. Akemi's photography style would be Wedding Photography & Landscape something he definitely would've picked up from the countless outings he had with Koshiro in the outdoors. Akemi's friends are almost always married or paired up together, and that's no coincidence. This man is a match-making demon, a hopeless romantic who loves to see a budding romance finally bloom. So, he can snag a fat check when they thank him for brining them together and hire him as the official wedding photographer. His intuition is never wrong about the perfect pairings and how to push the right buttons to move things along, without getting directly involved until the right time comes. Something, that will be a pain in Toono's ass down the line as he stays in the Photography Club.

Overall, I feel like this could've been a really nice BL Manga which was a love letter to the art media of Photography. As Toono figures out what Photography means to him and how he wants to use it to express his feelings. "Why do you take photos? What do you want to say in these photos and tell people without the ability of using your words?" I feel like at first Toono, would just be confused "it's just a photo what's so special about it? You take it as a cool momento for something."

But, as time goes on, and he learns why everyone in the club enjoys photography and why they're here, he learns it's more than that. Whether it be to vent something you're unable to express in words, express your love for something or someone, to tell a story, to inspire others, to feel free, to share something with someone. All these different forms of expression, will let Toono figure out what he wants from photography and how he plans on expressing it.

Also instead of the whole "have sex with someone in one month or we gang bang you against your will" dilemma. . . I feel like another suspenseful situation could have been, "Create a photo album, that will impress all of us in one month, or you have to help us all out with our next projects." Which at first doesn't sound terrible, until you remember...

Yui is a thrill seeker, and would probably push you off a cliff to snag a cool photo. Or force you to be his pack mule as you climb up serval mountains.

Itsuki would force you to cross dress and model different fashion styles to make you look like a clown for his own amusement. All the while he revels in your shame, and points out how these colors don't suit you at all, but ignores the fact he's the one who put you in that outfit in the first place.

Yuri is such a wild card that you honest to God don't know what the fuck will happen to you, it'll be like being on an acid trip the whole time. And not knowing what will happen brings you more fear than knowing what will.

Koshiro would probably bring you to a wolf den full of hungry ravenous wolves, and let you accidentally get eaten alive by a pack of wolves. While he takes pictures of puppies, without a care in the world.

Akemi... Akemi just scares Toono, he seems like the safest bet out of everyone else. But Toono knows better to trust that sweet smile. Toono would be safer walking into Satan's house than spend a day with Akemi at work. Whatever he would have planned for them if he were to lose this challenge would not be good for his sanity. He hates how he knows Akemi wants just that for Toono to know he's not going to be safe either. Akemi would probably make him cry with prying questions about his romance life. While hitting too close to home with all his assumptions about him that he can't argue back. It's losing battle from there on out.

The only problem for Toono is Everyone in this club is so different, that it's almost impossible to be able to impress them all. None of them agree, which style is better or having almost anything in common photography style wise. Toono can't just half-heartedly replicate anyone's style either, he's going to actually try and fail miserably to understand this art media better, like everyone else. I think after losing the challenge and spending time with everyone, Toono would come to really like the club and everyone else in it.

And that's my ✨two cents✨ on how this story could've been better if it didn't focus too much on the whole pwp aspect.

Take it or leave it.

#Here's Our Two Cents #Callisto Rants #yarichin b club #god i hope one day i forget this series exists #and no I don't care if there's people out there who like this series unironically y'all do you!#just wanted to rant on how i would change this story to make it less hyper sexualized 乁| ･〰･ |ㄏ #not trying to say y'all should be cancelled or something silly like that #Takashi Toono #Yuu Kashima #Kyousuke Yaguchi #Yui Tamura #Itsuki Shikatani #Toru Fujisaki #Ayato Yuri #Koshiro Itome #Keiichi Akemi #basically a huge rant post #AU where it's actually a fucking Photography Club hcs

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kpop-zone · 4 years

Text

A Little Longer | Jennie

Warnings: NSFW

Genre: angst, a little smut

Wordcount: 6,609

Request: Sentence prompt with blackpink jennie: “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

A/N: Inspired by Bang Chan’s “I Hate To Admit It”

Part 2 Part 3

From past relationships, you knew how hard breakups could be. No matter how long the relationship lasted or how mutual the breakup was, there was always a part of you that felt empty after the other left your life. But you could have never guessed how hard your breakup with Jennie would be.

Everyone around you probably thought that you were fine. But you knew that there hadn’t been one day since Jennie walked out of your life almost a year ago that you hadn’t thought about her. Of course, your world kept spinning. You managed to land a great promotion at work and your friends were a great distraction. Nevertheless, you couldn’t stop your heart from aching, every time you saw something that reminded you of her.

Which was basically everything.

You had dated for three years, so it seemed like you had been at every place in the city together. When you were in the supermarket, you thought of her when you saw her favorite brand of chips. When you walked past a dog park, you thought about the times the two of you played there with Kuma and Kai. It was driving you insane. It seemed like your body physically reacted to the memories with her, making all of your limbs feel numb and heavy. Things that usually shouldn’t be straining felt like a full-body workout, because all of your energy had evaporated into thin air the day Jennie had left you behind. You hated the power that she still had over you although she wasn’t even near you. Especially since you seemed to be the only one that was suffering. Jennie had not only managed to move on from you after the breakup, no, it seemed like she had already moved on while the two of you were still dating.

“Look! This one kind of looks like Kuma.”

You giggled while pointing at one of the cookies that you just had shaped.

After a long time, Jennie finally had a day off and you decided to spend it in the shelter of your own four walls to do some domestic activities. It gave variety to your usually hectic days and you found yourself being completely immersed in this lifestyle. So immersed that you didn’t even notice how Jennie had stopped decorating the cookies and was looking at you instead.

“I think, I don’t want to do this anymore.”

She stated and you giggled in response.

“It’s ok. This is the last tray. I can finish it on my own and then we’ll do something else.”

Although you were having the time of your life right now, you didn’t mind doing something else. As long as the two of you did it together, you could be out there picking up trash and you would probably still be smiling.

“I didn’t mean the cookies.”

Jennie responded somewhat coldly, making you look up from the tray. You cocked your head to the side in confusion.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

She repeated her statement while pointing between the two of you.

Theoretically you understood what she was referring to, but practically you had trouble wrapping your head around it.

“W-what?”

You stuttered in disbelief and Jennie huffed.

“Look, Y/N. Don’t make this more complicated than it has to be. I’m sure you have noticed the change in our dynamic lately too.”

In your dynamic? You couldn’t belief how callously Jennie was talking right now. Wordlessly you stared at her while thinking about the past weeks. Of course, you hadn’t had much time for each other because of Jennie’s schedule, but you had always anticipated the days that you could spend together.

“No, quite frankly, I have not noticed that.”

You answered honestly, causing Jennie to massage the bridge of her nose.

“Jennie, if this is about the lack of time, we had for each other lately, I don’t want you to worry about that. I know your schedule has been crazy these past weeks, but there will be-“

“It hasn’t.”

Jennie cut you short and once more you felt like you were lacking some information to make sense out of all of this.

“Of course, I had some appointments, but I still had enough free time. I just didn’t come home, because... I had better things to do.”

Her words had managed to break through the wall of confusion that had surrounded you till now and left a deep cut in your heart.

Better things.

Those words played over and over again in your head like a broken record.

“I’m sorry if I’m too blunt, but I feel like it’s time we stop the charades.”

She continued, but you wished that she had stayed quiet. You had been nothing but honest in this relationship. Every confession, every love declaration, every compliment had been the truth. But apparently you had been the only one.

You wanted to scream at Jennie for being so heartless, but your body felt weak as tears started streaming down your cheeks. You trembled in anger, disappointment and pain. But there were no traces of those emotions in Jennie’s eyes. She looked bored. As if she was just sticking around a while to be polite before being able to close this chapter.

“Go.”

You choked out, causing Jennie to look at you. For a second her gaze lingered on you, but then she leaped to her feet uncomplainingly and grabbed her stuff before leaving you behind. No apology, no regret; just as if these past three years hadn’t happened.

As soon as the front door fell in its locks, you broke down to the floor and gasped for air. The walls around you seemed to close in on you and you curled up into a ball in search for protection. But no matter how tightly you tried to hold yourself together, your heart was ripped wide open.

How long had she only been playing with you?

“Earth to Y/N! Hello!!”

You were suddenly shaken by your shoulders, causing you to snap out of your memories.

“Dude, are you crying?”

Tami, one of your best friends and co-workers, asked perplexed.

You hadn’t even realized how deep you had been engulfed in your thoughts until you tasted the salt of your tears on your lips. Quickly you wiped your cheeks and put a smile on your lips.

“No, pabo. My allergies have just been hitting me hard lately. What have you been saying?”

Tami looked at you skeptically for a second, but then she decided that her urge to tell you something was more important than your weird behavior.

“I’ve been asking you what you will be wearing tonight.”

Tonight? Confused you sifted through your calendar mentally but couldn’t think of any birthday parties or other invites.

“The vernissage?”

Tami continued annoyed as she noticed that you couldn’t follow.

You grunted in response and let your head fall to your desk. You had totally forgotten, no, repressed that event that was marked with a scull in your calendar.

While Jennie and you had still been dating, the two of you had often went out together. Visiting bars, having dinner at fancy restaurants, accepting the invites of her high society friends to their million-dollar mansions. Your relationship surely had never been boring. Jennie’s network ranged throughout the whole city and as time passed, parts of her network became yours too. Most of her friends were actually a lot more approachable than they seemed at first and you eventually found yourself hanging with them even when Jennie wasn’t with you.

One of them was Jiyong. He had always been rather down to earth despite his extravagant clothing style and millions of dollars in his bank account, making him weasel his way into your heart in no time. And even after the breakup, he had assured you his friendship, leading to this dilemma now. His invite to his vernissage had reached you a few weeks ago and since then you had been trying to find a way to avoid it. You couldn’t just deny his invite, because you knew how important the event was for him. But you really didn’t want to go either, because she would be there.

Jennie and Jiyong had already been friends long before you. He was one of the few friends, she actually liked and kept by her side. Therefore, you knew that she wouldn’t miss his first big vernissage. Of course, you had told yourself in the course of the past weeks that meeting Jennie on neutral ground wouldn’t be an issue; after all, you had broken up a year ago already. But even if you hated to admit it, you knew that this wasn’t true. If walking past a dog park made your heart ache, you were sure that seeing Jennie would probably knock the air out of your lungs and make you suffocate.

Somehow you needed to get out if this death trap.

“You’re not thinking about bailing last minute, right?”

As if she could read your thoughts, Tami looked at you suspiciously with one eyebrow raised after you had been quiet for a while.

“I really don’t want to go.”

You whined, causing your best friend to huff in frustration.

“What is your deal, Y/N? Of course, it’s hard to meet your ex, but it’s not like you’re still mourning after her.”

She exclaimed annoyed and you avoided her gaze; if only she knew.

“I don’t know. It’s just... not really my thing. All those rich people and the paparazzi.”

You lied, but you knew that Tami wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“You’re right, that sounds absolutely terrible. Getting free champagne, eating appetizer from a five-star Michelin chef and flirting with millionaires. Such an agony.”

She responded mockingly and you wished that you had never asked her to be your plus one in the first place. But Jiyong had given you two tickets and it was clear from the beginning that you wouldn’t be able to go there without some moral support.

“We’re going, Y/N. Wear something fancy, I’m picking you up at 7.”

Tami concluded your discussion without waiting for an answer before returning to her desk again and leaving you with your thoughts.

A bad feeling in the pit of your stomach was telling you that this night would become a disaster. It made your anxiety increase tenfold and when it was 7 at last, you felt like throwing up. But precisely when the clock reached the full hour, your doorbell rang, indicating the arrival of Tami. For a second, you toyed with the idea of just hiding under your covers and ignoring all of your responsibilities. Then, however, you remembered Jiyong’s text that he had sent you earlier in which he thanked you for your support despite the struggles that you would have to go through because of it. With a huff, you accepted your fate before grabbing all of your necessities and walking to the front door.

“Are you ready???”

Tami greeted you with her shrill voice as soon as you swung the door open, making you flinch in surprise.

“Yeah.”

You cheered less then excited. But Tami didn’t care; quickly she interlinked your arms and pulled you to the elevator.

“This is going to be the best night ever!”

She yelled, making you believe that you’d probably soon have a headache additionally to your nausea.

Your lack of enthusiasm, however, didn’t keep Tami from gushing nonstop till you reached the location of the vernissage. It was an old warehouse with a rundown façade, but the sportscars parked in front of it with their overdressed passengers gave away that this place was far from being an ordinary building. People of all kinds lined up in front of it although it was clear that some of them were nowhere near to being given access by the scary looking bouncers. Nevertheless, they had the chance to sniff the air of the rich and glamorous, even if it was just by looking from the outside in.

“Wow.”

Tami gaped next to you when she saw all the VIPs dressed in their expensive-looking clothes passing the bouncers with ease. Her pace got slower with every step and you ended up pulling her to the door where the bouncer eyed you dismissively.

“Invite.”

He murmured impolitely, probably thinking that you were just two wannabes. After dating Jennie for three years though, you were already used to it. Flashing him a big smile, you dug out your invite and shoved it into his hands. Perplexed he scanned the paper before giving you a suspicious look.

“Name.”

His demand was even ruder than before and you needed to swallow a snarky comment.

“Y/N L/N.”

You hissed instead, waiting for the satisfaction that would come a second later when he’d realize that you were actually invited.

Expectedly his eyes widened when he found your name on the list and reluctantly, he let you pass to get inside. You flashed him a last triumphant smile before entering the building where you were greeted by a turmoil of people and some futuristic beats. The room was larger than expected and decorated with Jiyong’s artworks whose illumination was the only source of light.

“This place looks amazing.”

Tami whispered as if her voice could disturb the mysterious and extravagant atmosphere.

But despite the amazing artworks and the carefully designed interior, your focus was not where it was supposed to be. Attentively you scanned the faces of the guests instead. Not with the intent of finding any A-list celebrities like Tami, but with the intent of finding the one person that you were not hoping to find.

“She’s not here, yet.”

A sudden voice from beside you made you jump in surprise.

It was Jiyong who had apparently managed to look right through you after taking one glance at you. Sheepishly you grinned before opening your arms to invite him for a hug.

“Everything is so beautiful. You can be really proud of yourself.”

You said to distract from the fact that you had been caught red-handed.

“Yeah right. I’m sure you have been looking at my art.”

He responded doubtingly, causing you to blush. Gratefully, however, Tami cleared her throat next to you in need for attention, saving you from an unpleasant conversation about your miserable state even one year after the breakup.

“Ah yes, this is Tami, Jiyong. My co-worker and a really good friend of mine.”

You introduced Tami who immediately started buttering up Jiyong with compliments, causing you to roll your eyes. You looked at the scene in front of you for a while until secondhand embarrassment took over your body and you decided to save both of your friends.

“Come on, let’s look at the art.”

Tami looked obviously displeased when you pulled her away from Jiyong who was starting to feel a little uncomfortable because of the exuberant attention.

“We were totally vibing.”

She hissed once you were out of Jiyong’s earshot and you just chuckled in response. That girl would probably play every trick to get herself the number of a millionaire tonight.

You wished that you had been able to place a bet on that as Tami was out of sight not even a minute later after running off to snap some pictures with a famous fashion blogger. You, on the other hand, couldn’t be less interested in the other guests of tonight. You just wanted to dawdle away the bare minimum of time to be able to flee the scene without being impolite. Therefore, you combed through Jiyong’s artworks instead while trying to stay clear of all people in order to avoid making unpleasant encounters. But despite your friend’s obvious talent, you couldn’t enjoy his event. The fear of accidentally running into Jennie was breathing down your neck, although you had been able to fight your nausea with the hope of being able to leave before her arrival.

Your hope was destroyed though, when a murmur suddenly went through the crowd. Like magnets, the guests were pulled to the entrance and you didn’t need to turn around to know that she had arrived. You kept your gaze stubbornly fixated on one of Jiyong’s paintings, but you couldn’t block out the whispers around you.

“Look at her dress.”

“Wow her skin is glowing.”

“She’s even prettier in person.”

People gasped left and right to you and it felt like someone was twisting your heart. Only the thought of being in the same room with her made you feel nauseous again and you anxiously started chewing on your lip. Your body almost ached because you were refusing to turn around, but your brain forbade you to give in to the temptation. With every second the whispers got louder, indicating that Jennie was getting closer to you. You clenched your fists as you concentratedly tried to keep staring ahead while fighting your own heart that was screaming at you to finally look at her.

Did she look different? Was she looking for you like you did for her?

Your curiosity was killing you, making your head turn involuntarily to the side like Jennie was radiating some sort of gravitational force. A quick glance over the shoulder couldn’t harm anybody, right? You would allow yourself to look at her just for a second to appease your thirst; nothing more.

But as soon as Jennie stepped into your field of vision, all of your resistance crumbled. Your breath hitched in your throat and everything around her became blurry as you were only able to see her. Her feline eyes were scanning the dumbfounded crowd while a smirk on her lips was giving away how much she loved the attention. You hated her smugness, but at the same time it was making your knees feel weak. She was radiating pure power and superiority, making you realize that she was like a drug that you were addicted to. Only seeing her was energizing you more than anything else in the past year. Finally, you were feeling like yourself again and your thirst for more grew.

You needed more of your drug. You needed more of Jennie.

Your feet were about to follow the draw that was pulling you to her when your trance was suddenly disturbed by the increasingly loud murmurs. Confused, you furrowed your brow as the blocked-out background started to come to the fore. You were able to see the bigger picture again and noticed how the chatter of the people had gotten more agitated. Groups of people were sticking their heads together while eyeing Jennie derogatorily causing her smirk to falter. Suddenly she didn’t look arrogant anymore; suddenly she looked like your Jennie again. The girl that was afraid of thunder and preferred to watch Disney movies because all of the other movies were too suspenseful for her.

You tried to understand the chatter around you, but it was too jumbled. Nevertheless, it took no genius to know that they were talking badly about your ex. You knew that you should probably feel some sort of satisfaction right now; after all she had chipperly ripped your heart out without any form of regret, just to eat you alive and spit you out again. It should make you feel good to know that karma was coming for her. But of course, you didn’t enjoy seeing her suffering. She looked so lost in that moment and you cursed yourself for wanting to wrap your arms around her and whisper sweet nothings into her ear to comfort her. But unfortunately, that wasn’t your place anymore. Instead, all you could do was to try picking up some words from around you to figure out what was going on.

“Dating scandal.”

Those two words suddenly sounded clearly directly next to you and you jumped in surprise before turning your head. Jiyong had once again managed to sneak up on you. He was standing next to you with a champagne glass in his hand while zeroing in on Jennie.

“Huh?”

You asked confused, making him look at you.

“She has been entangled in another dating scandal. That’s why the crowd is being especially wild around her tonight. Some hope for more gossip, while others just want a piece of her fame.”

He explained and your heart clenched.

Not, however, because you learned that Jennie had been in another relationship in the meantime. You hadn’t expected anything less from her. She was the embodiment of grace and perfection, so it was to no surprise that she had captured someone else in her net of temptations. No, what hurt you more was the fact that once again people seemed to forget that Jennie was just human. Like vultures they were surrounding her, waiting for a slip in order to pounce on her and tear her down.

Over and over again, they criticized her for the stupidest things. Every step that she took was supervised, leaving her scared and insecure after being in the industry for so long. But no one seemed to notice. Everyone else only saw her perfect smile and sublime demeanor. It was all just a game for them for their entertainment. A game with no regard for fatalities.

Silently you unlocked the door and tiptoed into the house. After you had read the news, nothing could hold you at work anymore and you faked sick to leave early. Blackpink had showcased their comeback yesterday. Jennie had been incredibly nervous beforehand, but you had assured her that all of her hard work would pay off and that there would be nothing to worry about. But once more the netizens proved you wrong.

Today an enormous amount of hate comments about Jennie were flooding the internet. Bad dancer. Weak link of Blackpink. Lazy. The usual insults were thrown at your girlfriend’s head and when you texted her to check up on her, you received no answer. You knew that this could only mean that she had read the news and had broken down again.

Carefully you entered her room and saw her balled up on her bed.

“Baby?”

You whispered softly once you were standing in front of her, but you got no reaction out of her.

Her trembling shoulders, however, were giving away that she wasn’t sleeping but crying instead. Therefore, you sat down on the edge of her bed and gently brushed some hair out of her face. Although the room was only dimly lit, you could see that Jennie’s eyes were red and puffy, causing you to almost wince in pain.

“They hate me, Y/N.”

She sobbed silently and you instantly lifted her up to pull her into your arms.

“They are just jealous, jagi. Fame always comes with hate. But there are so many people that love you; so many.”

You whispered into her ear, but her sobs kept echoing in the room. Helplessly you pressed her against your body in hopes to give her the comfort that she needed while you were lacking any words to make her feel better.

If only you could find a way to make all of this hate go away.

Unfortunately, you never found a way though. Your relationship with Jennie continued to be a cycle of your girlfriend soaring through the sky due to all the praise in one moment and hitting rock bottom the next. And now a year after your breakup, it didn’t seem to be much different; only that you weren’t there anymore to pick up the pieces.

A mixture of guilt and hatred for the people around you made your skin crawl and you could feel your irritation getting the better of you.

“Excuse me.”

You said to Jiyong before storming off into the direction of the restrooms to avoid seeing Jennie’s broken figure any longer.

With all your power, you swung open the door of the restroom, making it slam loudly against the wall. But you couldn’t care less, you needed to do something to get rid of your anger. With big steps, you headed straight for the sink where you looked at yourself in the mirror. Your breath was fast and shallow like you had just run a marathon. Once again, your feelings for Jennie caused a physical reaction in you against your will.

Quickly you turned on the tap and splashed some water on your cheeks in hopes to cool your head. Your thoughts were racing, and you needed to slow them down to prevent a short circuit in your brain. Closing your eyes, you focused on your breathing and gradually managed to slow it down along with your heartbeat.

This was none of your business anymore, you thought. Jennie wasn’t yours. She had probably never been. Her actions were her responsibility and it wasn’t your job to fix her. It was a hard pill to swallow, but maybe tonight could be your wake-up call. It was time to let your brain guide you again, instead of your heart. Therefore, you kept reasoning with yourself until you couldn’t feel your heart jumping out of your chest anymore. When you opened your eyes again, you sternly looked at yourself in the mirror.

“None.Of.Your.Freaking.Business.”

You warned yourself as you were still struggling to ban all thoughts of Jennie from your mind. Maybe you could speak your disinterest into existence.

Like a mantra, you kept mumbling this sentence under your breath while touching up your appearance until you were pleased with the outcome. With determination you nodded to yourself in the mirror before feeling ready to leave the restroom. Maybe you weren’t ready yet to meet Jennie, but you surely felt confident enough to be in one room with her and just let her be. With newfound positivity, you swung open the door, only to find your confidence being destroyed a second later. Another person was almost running down the hallway with their face lowered and buried behind their hands. There was no time for you to get out of the way, causing the two of you to bump shoulders. Only then, the person lifted their head and with wide eyes, you realized that it was Jennie who seemed to be fleeing from the crowd.

“Y/N.”

She breathed evidently surprised when her gaze met yours. It seemed like she hadn’t expected anyone to be here, especially not you. There were tears in her eyes and the smug look from before had disappeared. Concern immediately washed over you, leaving nothing of the newfound determination behind. Jennie, however, noticed your pitiful look, making her put up her façade again. As if there weren’t tears shimmering in her eyes, she flashed you a gummy smile.

“It’s been a while! How are you doing?”

Jennie asked overly cheerful.

You didn’t know what hurt you more. Suddenly being so close to her or having to watch how she pretended to be fine once again when she obviously wasn’t. Why did she always have to mime the strong one?

But despite knowing that she was hurting herself, you still felt inferior to her. Something about her always managed to make you feel weak. Her feline eyes were scanning all the details in your face and you felt yourself getting nervous under her gaze. It was melting away the little rest of confidence that you had been guarding, leaving you vulnerable and scared. Looking into Jennie’s face, threw you back to the day, she had decided that she didn’t want to be yours anymore. Like every day the past year, the memories choked you up and made you wordlessly stare at Jennie.

“Y/N?”

Only her soft voice was able to break your train of thoughts and you cleared your throat to recollect yourself.

“Um... fine. I’m perfectly fine.”

You lied while avoiding her eyes. Suddenly, however, a sensation on your hand made you jump in surprise. You snapped up your gaze to see that Jennie had reached out to touch your hand.

“That’s a lie.”

She simply stated, causing you to reflexively back away to protect your personal space.

“W-what? Don’t be silly.”

You chuckled nervously, but it seemed like your insecurity had suddenly turned a switch inside of Jennie, causing her confidence to return. She took a step forward while eyeing you with a piercing gaze.

“Really? Then why are you shaking?”

Only now you realized that the adrenaline that was rushing through your veins right now was making you tremble. Quickly you hid your hands behind your back to save your face.

“I’m not.”

Your answer made Jennie chuckle and a cold shudder ran down your spine. It seemed like she had found a distraction from the pain that was probably still pulling at her heartstrings because of earlier; she had found a prey that she could easily bring down despite being ailing herself. But you wouldn’t let her torture you, just to make her feel better. You wouldn’t go down without a fight.

“How are you though? I heard about the dating scandal.”

Your voice wasn’t as confident as you would have wanted it to be, but you could still see in Jennie’s face that you had struck a nerve. A dark shadow flashed over it and you almost grinned, because you had finally won the upper hand. Your smugness faltered a second later, however, when a new flame flared up in Jennie’s eyes.

“What can I say, fame always comes with hate.”

Emotionlessly, she repeated your words from all those years ago, causing you to gulp thickly. If you had wanted to bring out the vulnerable girl in Jennie, you had failed miserably. Instead, you seemed to have poked the flame in her that wanted to consume you.

“Do you remember how you used to take care of me when I was involved in another scandal?”

Jennie asked while inching closer to you.

You didn’t know what intentions she had right now, but you were sure that they were not of the good kind. Jennie always had been an asserter of unhealthy coping mechanisms and the humiliation from before had deeply hurt her, even if she tried to play it cool. Someone needed to pay for it, and something was telling you that this would be you.

With her eyes fixed on you, Jennie creeped closer while you kept stumbling backwards. Eventually, however, you backed against the door of the restroom, leaving you trapped and defenseless against Jennie’s attack.

“I miss those times.”

Your heart missed a beat as Jennie said exactly the words that you had wanted to hear.

You were aware that they were a lie. But your brain didn’t seem to be strong enough to make you act by your better knowledge. Instead you stood perfectly still as Jennie was now standing directly in front of you, in order to calmly, but surely take down all the pillars that were supporting your defiance.

“Jennie.”

You breathed with your last willpower while pushing her away halfheartedly.

Your resistance was of no use, however, as Jennie leaned into you, making you feel her hot breath against your neck.

“I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

She said barely above a whisper, but you understood every word clearly as her lips were only inches next to your ear. A shudder ran down your spine and you had to fight a moan that was threatening to leave your mouth. Every part of your body was tingling in anticipation for Jennie’s touch now.

She immediately noticed the change in your demeanor, causing her to push down the handle of the restroom door in order to shove you inside. In lightning speed, she checked all the stalls for any unwanted spectators before locking the door. You gulped thickly as you were standing helplessly in the middle of the room like a lamb in front of a slaughterer. Your brain was telling you to run while the rest of your body was telling you to stay, leaving you paralyzed. A mischievous smirk was playing on Jennie’s lips as she was walking towards you while swaying her hips seductively. She hadn’t even touched you yet, but the heat between your legs was already making you shift uncomfortably from one leg to the other. Jennie laughed sardonically when she noticed your desperate state and pushed you backwards until you were pressed against the sink.

“Impatient, are we?”

She hummed and you lowered your head in embarrassment. You didn’t know what you hated more. The fact that you were still so affected by her or the fact that Jennie knew about it.

“Don’t be embarrassed, baby. I’ve made you wait too long, haven’t I?”

Her fingers sneaked under your chin to lift your head up. She made you meet her eyes while her other hand unbuttoned your pants. Attentively, she watched your reaction while wallowing in the satisfaction that your obedience gave her.

“Lucky for you, we don’t have all night. So I won’t make you wait any longer.”

With those words, she crashed her lips into yours, not hesitating to slip her tongue into your mouth. But you didn’t mind. Like she had said, you had waited way too long for this. Your arms found their way around her neck to pull her closer as Jennie put her hands on your hips. She detached your lips to kiss along your jawline down to your neck where she sucked on your pulse point. You closed your eyes immediately to indulge in the sensation. Jennie had always known how to work the weaknesses of your body perfectly.

While she made sure to mark your neck, one of her hands sneaked under your shirt to your breasts where she gave your left one a firm squeeze. A moan escaped your mouth that was cut short though when the handle of the restroom door was suddenly pushed down. Automatically, you straightened up and pushed Jennie back who looked at you disapprovingly.

“It’s locked, babe. Don’t worry.”

Calmly she pressed you back in place, but you couldn’t stop glancing at the door.

“But...”

You started, but Jennie shut you up with a kiss.

“They can use the other bathroom. But I promise to make it quick.”

With a swift movement, Jennie pulled down your pants along with your panties. She pressed you harshly against the sink, making you yelp loudly when your bare skin came in contact with the cold surface. You could spot a smirk on Jennie’s lips just before she attached her lips to yours again; she was enjoying this way too much. She kissed you roughly, making you feel breathless and desperate for more. You were sure that the wetness between your legs was starting to drip down by now, causing you to press your legs together. Jennie, however, immediately protested as she was exploring your ass and inner thighs with her hand.

“Uh uh.”

She shook her head and spread your legs again.

“Let me help you with that.”

Suddenly you felt two fingers thrusting into your entrance without a warning. You gripped the edge of the sink hard, turning your knuckles white in order to stop you from screaming profanities. Jennie didn’t hesitate to start pumping her fingers while circling your clit with her thumb, making your legs begin to feel like jelly. Noticing your struggle, Jennie pressed you harder against the sink with her lower body while wrapping her arm around your waist to steady you. As the knot in your stomach was beginning to grow you pulled her closer to you and buried your face in the crook of her neck to muffle your moans that were steadily getting louder.

“Why don’t you let me hear your moans? You sound so beautiful.”

Jennie complained before pushing you back to be able to kiss you again. Soon you were running out of breath though as her fingers kept slipping in and out of you, causing you to throw your head back to gasp for air. The pressure in your stomach wanted to be released, but Jennie chose to move her fingers in a torturing slow pace to tease you a little longer. Impatiently you rolled your hips against Jennie’s hand, but she pulled away every time you were close to hitting the right spot, causing you to whine involuntarily.

“Does that feel good?”

Jennie asked teasingly while nibbling on your earlobe.

“Please...”

You choked out, desperate for her to stop this torture.

“Only because you asked so nicely.”

She giggled before licking along your jawline and finally picking up the pace of her fingers. She thrusted deep inside you, making you unable to control your moans anymore. The room was filled with your panting, the sound of your wetness and eventual curse words that rolled over your tongue when Jennie hit the right spot. It didn’t take long till you could feel yourself chasing your high, making you desperately cling to Jennie in fear that your legs would give in. Your fingers entangled in her hair, but she didn’t stop pumping in and out of you, sending you over the edge eventually. All the tension left your body at once and your hips stutteringly bucked forward to ride your high as long as possible. Only when you felt like you couldn’t take any more, Jennie finally removed her fingers and pushed herself off you. Shakily you propped yourself against the sink while trying to catch your breath.

Although you had shared this form of intimacy a hundred times before, you could feel yourself getting shy as you were standing in front of Jennie exposed like that. She, on the other hand, showed no signs of shame or embarrassment; as a matter of fact, she wasn’t showing any emotions at all. Nonchalantly, she walked to the sink next to you to wash her hands before fixing her hair and makeup. Dumbfounded you watched her while waiting for your legs to follow your commands again. Jennie, however, didn’t pay any attention to you. Only when her appearance was back to her satisfaction again, she took notice of you. Her eyes scanned your body until stopping at the mess that she had left between your legs. Wordlessly, she grabbed some paper towels and shoved them into your hands.

“Clean up.”

Jennie demanded before checking herself in the mirror a last time and walking to the door.

Your body automatically straightened up and you almost yelled at her to stop. You had known that this meant nothing to her, but you still didn’t want her to leave; not yet. You wanted to hold her just for a little while longer even if you knew that it was just a lie. But when her eyes met yours, you knew that there was no use in begging. The Jennie that you had known wasn’t there anymore. Once again, she stared at you wordlessly before reaching for the door handle. No apology, no regret; she left as if you were just two strangers that had met by accident.

Tears sprung to your eyes, but this time, you didn’t break down. Your heart had gotten used to the daily torture that Jennie put you through, even if she probably didn’t know about it. She had broken your heart, but she wasn’t to blame for the agony that you were going through ever since. She had lost her way somewhere along the line of your relationship and you should have given up on her. But you had been too stubborn to accept it. You were still hoping until this day that the old Jennie would return eventually. Maybe one day she would remember all the whispered promises that you had told each other under the covers. There was no point in giving up on your hope now.

You had waited so long for her already, you didn’t mind waiting some more.

Just a little longer.

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