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tigerdrop · 3 years

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in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog. he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

#this is so far from finished b/c A) im a coward now and B) typing qith my left hand sucks so i dont wanna do it right now. Sorry #writin stuff

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getofy · 3 years

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what i think the mha boys need in a s/o...

part 1/3

characters: todoroki, bakugo, midoriya

spoiler warning: none

cw: gn!reader, headcanons, fluff lol

a/n: for those who have requested matchups, i promise i have not forgotten about you. i am actively working on them!! they just take a while <3.

TODOROKI SHŌTO

shōto needs a therapist friend.

listen, he’s not very good at the whole emotions/vulnerability thing yet, but he’s trying. when dating shō, expect some emotional outbursts from him, as he tends to keep it bubbling inside way too often. he needs an s/o that doesn’t mind lending him a shoulder to cry on, and responds to his problems with sympathy rather than pity.

they don’t always need to know what to say, but if they can show him that he is loved, he’ll absolutely melt.

empathy and understanding is a bigbig thing. it’s really important that his s/o has no ulterior motives and genuinely shows that they want him for who he truly is and not for anything else. not his status, his power, or anything like that. just him. shōto todoroki. because at the end of the day he isn’t his grades, his quirk, his past, etc. he is a person. and his s/o needs to show him that that is more than enough.

in no way is this man submissive, but somebody who can talk him out of some of his more impulsive decisions without being too overbearing would be ideal. somebody who can be practical and reason with him, but not to the point where it feels like they’re telling him what to do. he hates feeling tied down like that, yk?

misc...

somebody willing to listen, but not afraid to carry the conversation.

a good cook?

someone hardworking and determined! shows passion and drive in something. whether it be academics or a personal goal. shōto needs somebody equally/almost as driven as him because he connects with people by attempting to understand them.

SOMEONE SUPPORTIVE OF HIS DREAM TO BECOME A HERO AND WILL TELL HIM THAT THEY ARE PROUD OF HIM.

motherly vibes almost?

he just needs a hug man

shōto please marry me

BAKUGO KATSUKI

bakugo needs somebody who is patient and willing to help him grow

i mean...it’s BAKUGO. he’s a hot head and you HAVE to be able to handle that. no crying when he screams at you for getting a math problem wrong HAHAHAH

also: he’s actually very emotionally intelligent so if he knew his attitude bothered you i think he’d at least attempt to be a little gentler

very important to note that having patience does not equal being a pushover. he would absolutely hate dating somebody who cannot assert themselves, and i believe he would not do well with somebody who’s super passive either. he’s extremely dominate, but letting him have his way (not in a sexual way 😐) with you would not be healthy.

not to say that it isn’t possible!!! this is just my opinion. passive bakugo simps rise i hate confrontation too but i would love to have an enemies to lovers relationship with this man.

he’ll need somebody who’s pretty good at picking up on emotions since he tends to lash out a lot too. if you’re able to look deeper into the reasons as to why he’s acting the way he is, he’ll silently love it. you have to be willing to reach out to him.

mutual respect is vital in every relationship but ESPECIALLY in one with mr.katsuki here. if you win his heart, he thinks you’re absolutely incredible, so he needs a s/o that feels the same!!!

he likes feeling capable and enjoys compliments so i actually think he’d benefit from somebody who outwardly displays their affection. validation from you would feel otherworldly to him so do it often!! even if he acts like a douchebag about it just do it. he has a superiorty complex let him be.

misc...

similar to todoroki, he needs somebody who is supportive of him and has their own aspirations in life.

somebody with a REALLY good sense of humor!!! make him laugh and he’ll be thinking about it for the rest of the day.

you have to get along with kirishima, but that won’t be hard to do so it’s fine.

MIDORIYA IZUKU

midoriya needs somebody who will tell him to take care of himself (ITS KINNIE TIME GUYS IM SO SORRY.).

this angel is doing his absolute best.

everyone in 1A is a workaholic but midoriya takes this to another level. he’s so goal-orientated that he tends to overwork himself ALL THE TIME. this is why he needs somebody who will force him to relax. :(. he needs his s/o to remind him that his health matters too.

he’d adore it if his s/o cooked him meals, called him frequently, and made an effort to help him with his hero studies. literally any act of service would make his heart burst. he takes care of so many people it’s like...he needs somebody who will do the same for him too.

basically, he needs a mom friend but not to the extent that shōto would need one HAHA. just like,,, somebody who very obviously cares, yk?

expressive about how much they adore him

misc...

aaa somebody willing to do study dates with him would be an incredible thing for him to experience :]. he enjoys being productive so if his s/o can turn something that’ll contribute to his success as a hero into a date, he’d be like ☆_☆ . would fall harder for you than he already had before (if that’s even possible).

also, don’t sweat it if you’re bad at school, he’s more than willing to help you. he loves being of assistance!

loyalty is a big thing too!!!!

SOMEONE WHO LISTENS OH I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.

im being so real if you want to win his heart you have be willing to listen to his rants about all might. having similar interests would be HUGE for him. he needs somebody who will let him rant for as long as he wants without making him feel like a nuisance (don’t we all).

reassurance. he overthinks a lot so somebody who will acknowledge his efforts to be a good boyfriend is mandatory.

someone who understands where his priorities lie.

while he would benefit from a s/o that reminds him not to overwork himself, he absolutely needs them to also realize that he will do whatever it takes to be a great hero.

there needs to be a mutual understanding between him and his partner about how his career is the most important thing in his life.

compromise is gonna be key in this area lol.

part 2 -> coming soon

part 3 -> coming soon

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit permission

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littlebabycrybtch · 4 years

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im sorry but sometimes it is so see through that you fake and corrupt ‘pro recovery’ people are literally just so frustrated and annoyed with nd people and thats all your mindset revolves around. like you’ll throw one or two fucking random self care tips at us and we’ll rightfully say ‘that doesnt work for me’ and yall instantly go on these absolutely unnecessary and brutal TANGENTS you were saving up abt how we’re ‘’’’wallowing’’’’ and that therapy takes ~Actual Effort~ so if ur special universal tips arent working for us we’re ‘’’being difficult’’’ and ‘’’’lazy’’’’ and ‘’’’hurting ourselves’’’’’ like. idk man sure i am sorry i cant ‘take a shower to feel better’ bc my symptoms make the task more stressful actually and take away from my other more necessary tasks, im sorry i forget to take my vitamins and drink enough water bc i just dont feel a difference anymore, im sorry i rely on medication instead of therapy bc therapists also teach me things that dont seem to work, except im trying, which means no matter how hard i might seem to be failing, i am ‘pro recovery’. idc how the fuck it Looks to you personally, i deserve your support. and i shouldnt Feel the Need to apologize to a stranger who claims to be my ally for experiencing mental illness symptoms and not being able to immediately correct them ! if i could do that i wouldnt be mentally ill !! i especially should not be made to feel ashamed to even Talk about my struggles just bc i know yall will try to put a bandaid on it and then guilt me when i say it didnt work. smfh like. ur children. sometimes things just have deeper rooted problems and u dont have to take it personally that you specifically cannot cure me.

ik it blows ur fucking goddamn mind but yes actually some people just Do really struggle to shower, to drink water, to take their meds, as in it takes actual personal efforts for them it wouldnt take for you and they have to work harder than you to accomplish them, and there are in fact some things nd people personally Cannot do and will Never be able to do without going backwards and sacrificing their happiness and quality of life exhausting themselves for an unattainable goal. only they know their limit, and pushing yourself past your limit is unarguably damaging. this ugly ass assumption you cannot be happy enough while still ‘allowing yourself’ to experience some symptoms... the idea that its just laziness and ‘anti recovery’ to openly struggle with what you view as the ‘easy’ or ‘beginning’ steps of recovery... is an inherently ableist and Harmful mindset you are all falling victim to and fucking over this community with. to be perfectly frank you are not ‘pro recovery’ when you demonize and shame people who are not ready for recovery. bc that doesnt do anything to help them recover. its genuinely just your excuse to hate and bash ‘severely’ nd people bc ur uncomfortable with them and wanna claim theyre doing it on purpose so you feel rightfully angry abt it. when you throw tantrums over us Being Mentally Ill and not ALREADY recovered like good boys or w/e all you are is pro nd people conforming to your standard of functioning and shutting the fuck up abt their actual identity and symptoms and experiences until they reach that level when ur comfy listening to them again. you’re pro neurotypical people, or those pretending to be for your comfort. its literally starting to border on an eugenics attitude by claiming the only healthy end goal is to be virtually indistinguishable from a neurotypical and match their functioning as best as possible. not all nd people Can do that, would be Happier doing that rather than accommodating their issues in other ways, and nor should that be the default goal to push on all nd people. also a lot of the shit yall push at us for even nts dont always conform to, so why is it us being made to walk on eggshells? why when i skip a shower am i evil and destructive but nt bob can go a week without one and no one bats an eye or they just joke about it???

lbr recovery doesnt look the same from person to person, you cant apply one broad standard like this, not to mention its not always an uphill battle, which doesnt just mean; ‘oops i relapsed :(((’. it means breakdowns, it means self harm, it means slacking off, failing hygiene, forgetting things, missing things, bad behavior, risky behavior, things that are Going to inconvenience you. and the second you forget that or decide to no longer care about those people, when you decide to have a baseline where you stop respecting or supporting nds for not trying hard enough to be like you, when you Drop them until they meet your standards as if they arent still nd people who need you on a basic level, ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE A FUCKING NEUROTYPICAL WHO DOESNT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHERRY PICK AT US LIKE THAT (!), is when you have inverted and ruined your own fucking cause by corrupting it with selfish conformist ableism.

tldr i understand why statements like ‘just go to therapy’ ‘thanks im cured’ would frustrate you, but i also VERY MUCH understand and NEED for you people to TRY and understand why mentally struggling people would be adverse to going to therapy, and not bc they goddamn hate recovery and wanna be sad forever or w/e strawman youve come up with, but bc of their issues which are valid and Can hinder these types of decisions and even affect how much aid these coping skills actually provide, and they dont deserve your fucking Unbridled Malice and Shame over it bc they are not literally trying to be more mentally ill. its simply a symptom and consequence of their already existing mental illness. like i really... cannot fathom the level of disconnect you must be on with nd politics to take that and assume they are truly just rejecting the possibility of happiness for the sake of being unhappy. i truly think if you cant wrap your head around ‘mentally ill people, whos minds are literally experiencing sickness, are not always rational or able to help themselves, or sometimes it only appears that way and they just know better abt it than you do’ you just. arent even an ally. you’re an ableist in activists clothing. people struggling with the concept of recovery arent inherently ‘anti recovery’, yall are honestly just really fucking BAD at how you push for recovery bc most of you dont know shit and are just mean and wanna whine abt nds to be quite blunt with u lol. the whole ‘tough love’ mindset is Bullshit ok it isnt real your love doesnt have to be tough and callous and come with conditions you just wanna be abrasive to validate ur judgement and then excuse it as secretly helpful, just be supportive and 📣 LISTEN 📣 to us or get the fuck out honestly bc u arent helping anyone with what this shit has unfortunately become

#tw ableism///#a little rambly but tldr i love the concept of pro recovery but oh my god if uckgin hate pro recovery people so much u are all so stupid #i keep waiting for you ppl to be less stupid and u never are #like mam are you pro recovery or are you anti visible mental illness. take a sec to ponder ill wait #long post #and for me its like. i dotn trust ppl who feel they have to clarify and say that why cant u just say ur a disability/mental illness ally #why cant you just say you support us. why cant you say you want us to be happy. why do you ahve to put #literally ALL of our value in your eyes on our recovery aka how far we can stray from being nd

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alcttass-blog · 5 years

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Is that KYLIE JENNER?! No it’s just ALETTA ANTOUN. From our interview we have heard that the TANTALIZING is apparently a SOCIALITE AND INFLUENCER who’s been living a lavish lifestyle in LAS VEGAS with 67.1 M followers! Now that they’ve signed a contact to pricelesshqs fans will be ecstatic to see them on screen. But rumor has it they are hard to deal with as they’re FINICKY, IMPETUOUS, OBSTREPEROUS. Fortunately for us we’ve heard they’re actually EFFULGENT, COMPASSIONATE, VEHEMENT. Let’s see how they survive our show while they arrive in the luxurious life of pricelesshqs!

hi hello !! im gianna and this is my angel love aletta !! i kind of rearranged her bio to fit so ?? if things dont make sense its my stupid ass fault asdfgh . on another note im super excited to jump into this and if you want to plot give this a heart or message me !!

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓫𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓬𝓼

full name : aletta josephine antoun. nickname : aj, alet, letty. age : twenty one. birthday : february sixteenth, nineteen ninety eight thus making her an aquarius. gender / pronouns : cisfemale / she and her. sexual orientation : heterosexual. romantic orientation : heteroromantic. spoken languages : english, italian, spanish. hometown : las vegas, nevada. parents : carmine gwyar and natalia antoun . carmine is the founder of karma ( casino ) and carmine hotel , two million dollar businesses that are spread throughout not only las vegas, but the rest of the states. her mother is an retired model who happens to be an author that just published the third book to her series ‘the others’, an dystopian novel. siblings : apollo bennett gwyar, claudio emanuel antoun, atlas james gwyar, natasha maeve gwyar, angelo cyrus antoun, julius sebastian antoun. goals : to live fully. tropes / personality : the effervescent , the rich party girl , the globetrotter , should of been business mogul , the icarian , the lover of all things beauty.

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓼𝓾𝓶𝓶𝓪𝓻𝔂

gwyar , means “gore” or “spilled blood, bloodshed” in old welsh ; a definition that runs deeper than words written on faded pages , and instead carved themselves in human flesh. the name spreads silent fear across the streets of las vegas .. entangles itself within the eyes of the locals while being drowned out by the drunken happiness of tourists . spilling blood is what the gwyar’s have done for generations , from the moment diego gwyar’s foot landed on the broken sidewalks of las vegas it was said blood washed over the city like a storm . the family , they are tied into an lifestyle that screamed of violence , drugs , but most importantly power . no matter who’s face it stared at, it always had a habit of filling your lungs and causing you to drown in it .

aletta josephine was birthed to swim in the danger , to succeed . her father’s business was her legacy , his ties were her responsibilities . she was to fall in line , to make her daddy proud . and for a while , she did . she played the part, did her part . watched from the sidelines , included herself when she had to , she did it all . aletta drowned in the sensation of having such a power that it made those around her drop to their knees and beg . at sixteen she felt holy , at eighteen she felt sick to her stomach.

the lifestyle was a high , sent her emotions playing a game of how far can you drop once you hit your high . she should of felt blessed , protected , privilege , mighty . but all she wanted to do was run .. her brother use to tell her, “ letty, you cant have the highs without the lows .. especially with this.” it took a long time for her to understand that the diamonds that sat on her neck , the cars that sat in her driveway , the clothes that mountain her closest came with the blood , tears , the pain. she could not be the mob bosses daughter , without the mob boss.

at seventeen , she broke away from her fathers grasp . decided to chase her passion with hope that the darkness from her father would not follow . her family should her mixed reactions , splitting into two directions ; her mother spilled of happiness. excited to think of an future for her child where she was alive , healthy , living her life the way she wanted to .. and her father ? decided that if you did not stand with the business, his choices, that you did not stand with him. he made her choose, and so she did. she jumped into the influencing industry before launching aletta beauty , a dream that turned into an empire ..

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓪𝓮𝓼𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓼

crazed oceans swimming under neath sun kissed skies , the soft smell of vanilla dancing across exposed skin , gentle nudes blending into hard oranges, peach vodka lingering on plump lips , warm orbs drowning in dark features , acrylic nails tapping anxiously , gold jewelry sitting on long fingers , cursive tattoos carved into ribs , quiet cries drowning in a dark sky , thunder distracting worried minds , affectionate touches , losing yourself in others for the sensation of warmth , loud music drowning out sorrows , happiness banging on brick walls for freedom , light giggles in the dead of the night , smooth lips pressed to bare skin , fingers interlocked with another , a constant craving to be loved dipping into skin , blood dripping down like water drops, soft lips on faceless bodies, sun kissed skin becoming on with sandy beaches, bold moans in the backseat of her car, simple shaped necklaces siting between collar bones, blunts between glossy lips, tired hands editing for hours on hours, stamped passports, white toes in clear ocean waters.

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓽𝔂

to lurking eyes , the brunette tends to catch ditzy vibes and shallow tendencies . labels as such usually tend to hold some kind of truth, but when it comes to aletta? there’s more that meets the eye than assumptions from afar. her feet run on carelessness, blood intertwined with impulsiveness ; her wands wrap around your throat and for odd reason you cannot help but fall in love with the sensation. ebullient in human form , a crazed ocean that pulls you in. you want to lose yourself in her : her boisterous chatter in the sea of friends in an melody to your ears , and when the sun lowers and the bass of music dances in the air her giggles laced with vodka lingers. it’s said that the sound itself is intoxicating. like, for some reason, whether its her light in your lungs or her darkness around your throat, you cant let her go. she strives to be good, to be kind . but she is a child who was induced with happiness and then slowly picked at , lost innocence , witnessed monsters with human faces and so she comes to understand she will not always be good nor kind. she will be hard to read at times, hard to please. some nights, she may tell you about all the way she loves you and the next? she’ll turn away. and despite it all, she’ll still want you to be there for her in the morning. she needs meaningful bonds with others, needs to feel like if one day she disappeared people would miss her. wouldnt be able to live without her. she wants to feel important. she believes in loving yourself, being kind to yourself. and so, she tries not to drown for everyone. its a hard task though, considering she gets attached easily . she wants you , she needs you , and then she gets scared. she’s passionate, feels the world around her on a level that most do not understand. and it makes her scattered? she can ride the highs, but sometimes she has to ride the lows to. she is a lover, will give you her all. put in the time and the effort. it makes her affectionate ; affectionate touches are what she lives for. not just romantically, but platonically too. she likes to goof around, wants to fill everyone around her with light. wants to save everyone. is an hard worker, ambitious, likes having something she can put her energy into and conquer. sometimes her work ethic gets a little out of hand. but at the end of the day, she is her fathers daughter ; and it bleeds through. she an be stubborn, jealous . she can be hurtful, even selfish. but she is constantly trying to overcome it.

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓬𝓪𝓷𝓸𝓷𝓼

she a few of her other siblings have took her mothers last name instead, making it easier for them to stand in the media without the prying. but regardless, she is a gwyar no matter if she changes her name or not.

she had been a daddy’s girl, from the moment she opened her eyes she was drawn to him. her mom would tease that she loved him more, and though that was never true her father was without an doubt her favorite parent.

when she parted ways, he decided that she no longer deserved the connection they once shared ; he cut her off. not financially, she was and still is gifted all of her luxuries. her part in the company still transferred into her account, she could still reach out to her mother for cash if needed. but the tenderness? the warmness? it disappeared. he refused to even look at her in her eyes.

she is highly protected , constantly has her siblings and what they call ‘bodyguards ‘checking in on her since she moved from their family house ; and even now you will see strange men whom seem like they were pulled out of the secret service drop in on her.

her eldest brother apollo, in more ways than one took on that father figure roll for aletta. being opposed to his fathers treatment, he stepped in. she has an appreciation for him that runs deep.

despite her being insanely close to apollo, aletta and her twin have a bond that no one can touch. with them, it has always been us against the world. she would die for any of her siblings, but for her twin? she’d kill for them without hesitation.

her want to live to the fullest point, has come from seeing the life being drained from others. she does not ever want to see herself in that position. so she promised herself she would never.. she’d live impulsively, foolishly, carelessly .. but regardless, she’ll live.

traveling is the one thing she knows will fill her heart, to see the world and capture all the things that it has to offer will not be an opportunity she misses. it’s why she found herself really enjoying the life of touring .

one important thing about her is that she craves meaningful bonds with others, she likes to feel like if one day she disappeared that people would miss her? would be lost without? she just wants to feel important.

she spent a lot of her summers in italy with her brother, which is why she is fond of the language.

aletta beauty is much so kylie cosmetics asdj how original ? i know.

i see her being kind of an ?? rihanna in the beauty industry and a david dobrik in the youtube ! sitting on the line of sis really did that with her beauty line and i love that bitch when it comes with being an influencer.

despite being the youngest , her father swore she was going to be the one to take over his business . his plan was to always allow the twins to take over . which is why it hit him so hard when she refused to.

𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼

♡ wanted connections page !

and in case none of those catches your eyes, a list of generic plots !!!

♡ protective friendship, friends with benefits, close friends, old friends, distant friends, ex friends, ex friends with benefits, cousins, hardly related cousins, family friends, childhood friends, friendly competition, rivals, models who model for her line, artist she collabs with a lot, artist who have wrote a song for her, artist she has wrote for, frenemies, one night stands, summer flings, friends with lingering feelings, one sided friendships, one sided relationships, people who have used her, pr friendships, pr relationships.

#priceless.intro

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gg-astrology · 5 years

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heyy! so I've been studying astrology for some time now and I decided to ask for some advice/dif. pov, so I have a 7h gem stellium conjuct nn and opposing sag pluto 1st conjuct sn. I was wondering your opinions on how to "balance it out" it seems like a paradox because it has sn conjuct pluto (transformation) and a lot of 7h energy. Idk why I always feel guilty or like I'm being selfish and constantly in need to better myself and "serve others". Thank you for reading💕

Hey there!! 💕💕💕 Oof okay! 💕 I’ve done a reading for someone similar, a gem stellium in 8th and pluto in 2nd -- I think I described it as a mobius wheel/loop?💕 The energy/cycle is concentrated between these two things, kinda like a feedback loop where one informs the others (stem/causes>action>repeat on the opposite side, grass is greener and all that)

How to Deal with a ‘Mobius Loop’?(stellia > placement) ⬇️

+ Also help stuff for Sagittarius??

When you’re pulled onto one, you’re gravitating back to the other. There’s a lot of concentrating (gravitational) power on both pulling you into this motion where you’re in between two gravitational force, belonging in two places -- a lot of the time it’s also limiting it to your vision as well. Because look at the big picture -- there’s so much space in your chart extended beyond just these two loops-- so how do you spread your energy there (outside the loop) to help ease/elevate the tension? 💕

A part of it is evaluating what you considering to be your best assets, your habits, your 'worth’ and value and ‘what’ you bring to the table (where your pride lies, SN) --- and letting that ‘go’ or breaking down that wall of ego, want, desire, need, self-protection. Only through breaking it down, does it go through transformation -- which is what Pluto brings to the SN.

Wanting it to transform but only through changing and challenging yourself/what you ‘know’ about yourself (your stable/ground point) to change.

With Sagittarius, perhaps it’s hopes/optimistic ideals, knowledge, expectations, part of your dream/goal/ambition.

Think of it as a baseline? And Pluto coming in going ‘well we should do some renovations’ (which is how it can healthily manifest) -- experiences where certain things are crushed are regenerated into a better positioning of the SN/baseline. And that can help you a lot as well? 💕

If Pluto/SN is not doing that, it can sometimes create a certain forcefulness, forcing the person’s good points, teachings, advice, skill-set to be pushed/forced onto others/acknowledged (which is why we talk about breaking down the SN so that the energy can be?? better). Wanting to be acknowledged, wanting to be a teacher or admired for our qualities, wanting or expected to gain something from our skill sets.

Sagittarius can be very stubborn, especially when it relies on it’s ‘better-qualities’ to make it appeal to others/get what it wants -- and look away from the problem at hand. Somethings you can’t ‘fake it till you make it’ but actually have to sit down and dismantle, re-wire and let expansive energy in honestly (and not look at what it wants/what it understands).

Opening it up is something to talk about-- and to do that, understanding the consciousness and what we internalize/fear we’re not as ‘good’ as we are in something-- learning how to look at those factors (internalized fear/desire) and accept them

Kinda like asking: what do you desire? and perhaps, why? and do you think you’re good at it? and then going -- what if that’s not relevant to achieving your goal? You’re focusing on something that’s only restricting you? BUT yes, it’s a wonderful goal/desire and it is definitely valid. And you put so much work and energy into it, all this effort and energy -- put into seeing it through, gaining grounds on it and with it. There’s sentimental values in what you’ve ‘had’ or ‘been with’ for so long, and that sentimentalism fool-hardiness is obviously valid from a goal/ambition and manifestation/emotional standpoint as well.

But what if you let that ‘desire/goal’ go -- and instead, denounce, evaluate, or critically look at how it is realistically dragging you down as well? What if you embrace -- perhaps, what you see others doing and vehemently didn’t want to do before? Those you’ve judged, or moral values/issues you might not have been ok with, perhaps denouncing your values (expectations of the self) -- you can accept others values and perspective better now.

There’s power there too, where technically -- you have to have a certain level of ‘moral looseness’ in order to accept different view/paths of life and embrace them.

There’s a fear of ‘losing yourself’ if you just -- take other’s values or be integrated into it -- but don’t worry so much because the true goal of this is self-regeneration (Pluto) and you DO have a Sagittarius SN which is going to come through with finding YOUR perspective in all this chaos/values -- basically, it’ll be good for you if you learn how to ‘let go’ of this thing you cling onto.

With Sagittarius, it’s also your ‘contribution’ to the world and what you ‘bring’ to the table. And with it being in important house (1st-7th) what matters more is seeing how you can help others without expending yourself or relying on your skill-sets/clinging stuff so much. Breaking down that core ego/sense of self that has to do with it -- and instead, learning, growing and seeing the spaces around you (and their value/worth) for the first time.

Open up Sagittarius in a healthier way (a student, as much as a colleague/TA) helps a lot with it’s giving nature without the reliance on the ‘self’ (what you provides, want, give, is valued for) --- you define your own value/worth, and if you can’t trust yourself to just say ‘i am valuable whether or not i provide something, i am and therefore, im worthy of receiving’ -- then maybe you’re in no position to be giving until you can say that with a deeper conscious/honesty to it? 💕

Anyways, this is all to do with clearing up that receptor in the 1st. Because your Gemini Stellium is also the one power-housing energy as well (and is?? more chances of being stable/less of a problem from first glance) -- it provides power for sure, but if the receptor of those energy is slamming that power back to the Gemini stellium when it sends it out (trying to balance itself) -- then that energy will be going back and forth without going anywhere.

Thus -- why clearing up some of those transformative power and amazing skill-sets you have in the 1st -- to actually be something that could grow, heal, regenerate and provide (disperse it around and help nourish the rest of your chart) -- helps with moving along some of that loop-y motion as well.

Anyways-- this was long, but I hope it’s ;; 💕💕 helpful, or resonate, or anything 💕💕 I hope it helps a little 💕💕 Aaahnsjknw

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themian · 3 years

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Men fall in love with women because...

In the initial stages of dating, there are a host of emotions going on. You’re excited, nervous, maybe smitten, maybe excited for the future but also dreading it… You may think that love is love, no matter who you are, but it’s not. Different people fall in love in different ways, and men and women in particular often think about love and relationships differently. Even if you think you can ‘make’ a man fall in love with you, it’s highly unlikely. You may get him to lust after you, or desire your company, but love is something different.

To help you get a better understanding of the male heart and how it works, here are seven expert insights about how men fall in love:

Men tend to be more visually stimulated than women Studies have shown that men are more visually stimulated, while women tend to be more auditory. “As a result, men tend to fall in love with what they see, and women with what they hear,” says relationship coach, Dr. Tracey M. Phillips. “Men need to constantly be visually drawn to the person in order to fall in love.” But that doesn’t mean you have to be stunningly beautiful to attract love. Visual stimulation and attraction can build over time, or it may be where the initial attraction comes from but a deeper love builds as you both learn more about each other.

They fall for someone who appreciates them. Men may pursue a woman they’re into in various ways, but if a woman keeps up with the “hard to get” game or doesn’t appreciate even the little things they do for them, they’ll quickly grow bored. Some may claim differently, but teasing a man or stringing him along is not the way to build affection or a healthy relationship.

Men actually fall in love faster than women. It may be hard to believe, but according to a study in The Journal of Social Psychology, men fall in love faster and express it faster. The reason behind this, according to the study, is because men don’t question their emotions like women do. So if a man feels like he is in love, he won’t deny it.

Men fall for someone they know is happy around them. When a man feels like he can make the woman in his life happy, he’s more likely to fall in love with her. But we’re not talking about superficial happy (like him buying her things or doing her favors), we’re talking about bonding. When a couple bonds and genuinely enjoys their time together, both people feel connected and secure in their ability to make each other happy.

He’ll want to be the best he can be. When a man falls in love with a woman, you’ll notice because he may start to push himself a little harder, make more of an effort with certain things, and may even change some of his bad habits. He’s doing this because a man in love wants to be the best he can be for the woman he is in love with. Part of falling in love is wanting to be your best self for the other person. In the beginning it might manifest itself as the instinct to want to impress the other person, later you might want to make them happy, and down the line you may find yourself inspired to do and be more because the person you love supports you and builds you up.

Men are more impulsive in love. When a man is in love, he won’t want to lose it, so he’ll do whatever he needs to do to get and maintain that love. While some men may string a woman they’re dating along, when the majority of men feel the ‘light comes on’, they’ll really pounce on it.

Men want a total package. Like anyone, for a guy to be in love, he needs his total package. This usually includes physical attraction, knowing they can make the other person happy, and other emotions like kindness, loyalty, humor, and that unexplainable connection.

It may be a cliché, but love really does work in mysterious ways. Men and women are very different in their approaches to life, relationships, and love. But every person is different too. If you find yourself falling for a man and wondering how and when (and if) he’ll fall for you, keep these insights in mind but also keep enjoying your time together and focusing on the moment you’re in. Things like trust, friendship, and love can’t be forced or rushed. But if you take your time, they can be a lot of fun.

The better I started looking growing up the less women seemed as such a wow thing to me, I see a hard link between how rare it is for you to get women and how hard u get attached("loving") them.

Also I still fall in love really fast I think, often faster than the woman im with.

I only discovered what love really was after having close friends. Love is selfless, it's a desire to see other people happy and satisfied with their lives and a willingness on your part to do whatever it takes to make that happen.

I love my friends. I love my family. I want them to be the best that they can be. If any of them ever came seeking help or someone to talk to, I will drop what I am doing for them. That is love. Love is a selfless obligation and it takes years of mutual trust to build up. It does not come overnight.

Love is not the same as infatuation. You can love people without being completely irrational with regards to your relationship with them.

It takes a second to fall in love for the first time. But after a heartbreak it could take an eternity to feel that again until you meet the right person, who may not exist. A lot of the 'asshole' men that women come across were just dudes that got their heartbroken and decided not to risk their hearts anymore. That's my theory at least.

I truly do. But I have learned to contain that love deep within myself and only show fragments of it at a time and over a long period of time. And I also make a conscious effort to change how I feel, to slow down, to think things through.

Basically; I don't want to get caught up on a girl that I'm "just another guy" to. So what I do is only give back whatever I'm given and play the game at their level. If I like her, and she's about us, I'll be about us. If she goes days without speaking to me. I'll go days without speaking to her. And I try to control my feelings to match only the level of where we're at.

So to answer your question. Yes, we fall in love easily, but if we get heart broken it'll take a lot to trust again. I think the same applies to women?

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pokefanbri · 3 years

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Im still fucking fighting, i keep telling myself im not gonna let go & Fuck everyone else who thinks I should. But sometimes there's the opposite, im just lost & idk what to do....hes not gonna come back...so why should I bother to keep fighting 😔 If someone asks me...

Are they worth it? Absolutely. Because theres always room for improvement & growth, & we've been doing that apart for ourselves now for 7months. Did they give u the respect and attention u deserved? Are we not more valuable than that? Hell no & hell yes lol. Look I was happy just doing that for him but yea when it came to me honestly it was like nah im good 😒 & i know how fucked up it is that id go along with his selfishness but I did. I did deserve better & he knows I did... i just didnt wanna lose him & did anything he needed me for... but I ended up losing him anyway 😔 theres a reason why u work on that kinda shit & grow together as you go so everyone is happy, its fair to say we both lost sight...I was eager to learn everything about him cuz I wanted to be closer...but I was blocked out & pushed away, he wouldn't open up & talk to me or show feelings for anything, even of me when he used to all the time...like he was scared of being too attached or didnt want to get hurt..he didnt trust me or was afraid to show his true self or show any emotion that'd be viewed as weak due to the typical be a man complex. Idk I was confused & didnt know what was needed to help fix things so yea i walked on eggshells & me showing affection of my own free will was out of the question most of the time...I couldn't touch him unless he wanted me to & rare occurrences for my own satisfaction. Its the reason why I cried all the damn time, I felt avoided & unwanted because my own attention lacked pretty badly. How tf do I love a fucknugget bobblehead like that lmao, cuz I dont give 2 flying fucks he was my man ok! & being close enough to him made me happy enough I guess, I still looked at him like he was my world even if I wanted to slap him for making me feel so lonely at the same time. I admit his needs came b4 mine, he liked it more that way & I took care of him more than I did myself. But if he had more effort to take care of my needs in turn & I were happier than I was, & us happy at the same time, then maybe I wouldn't be so hard on myself...cry all the time & smoke like a chimney 🙁

I still don't fully understand why he held back, communicating with me on a deeper level is supposed to be natural & pretty much all normal couples show an appropriate amount of affection & understanding to eachother....but it was kept burried...was he afraid id hate him, judge him, make fun? No, id love him even more! Idc how dark he may think he is or whatever past bs he's gone through or even if he was lying about anything...its okay it can't hurt u anymore dear & we can overcome it just tell me what it is thats lacking & let's fix this. Id say "sit down babe, tell me everything, whats on your mind, what can I do to help 😊" & id give him the most gentle kiss on the forehead. I'd do anything to see a smile from that face & it makes me smile too. I want to help him, he needs somebody to hold just as much as I do cuz the fact of the matter is babe, he's just as broken as I am, we both need someone to put back our pieces & become whole again...after we try doing it solo it can only go so far b4 u want that physical presence of another again to help u more so. He keeps everything bottled up & especially didnt let me see what was happening to him I had no clue, if he didnt like talking to anyone he at least had me but still kept me away from him, whatever it was festered in him & he changed his whole demeanor toward me, he became colder & shut me out for good 😔 Making me feel even more unwanted. We didnt help eachother through our problems & I really wanted to, I wanted to save us for the longest time way b4 the end. Idk maybe if he put in as much effort & we knew how to function better together instead of a Corolla with just 2 wheels then we'd probably be fine...& our suspension wouldn't be dragging on the asphalt 😂 Its not all on him for fault, I take equal amount of responsibility, we failed eachother, we didn't know wtf we were doing & 9/10 it was just friends with benefits with only 1 of us in love & attached, & the other not really caring with side pieces to chat with 🤷‍♀️

U know what 🤬 They're right, he's right, & now I'm actually starting to accept it the more I write. Maybe just maybe,HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME AT ALL. Im still upset and frustrated. To answer the question again from earlier no maybe he's not worth it. I suffered through his bs and 10fold heartbreak afterward!! If he can't own up, right his wrongs & bring us both peace then no he's not worth suffering for afterall, and ive been loving the wrong soul this whole damn time 😣 He kicked me to the curb cuz he a fucking coward! He cant admit his wrongdoings, ask for forgiveness, say im sorry or actually put the tiniest bit of effort into a relationship to make it work, but instead disposes of me so he wouldn't have to confront any of it & just continue on like nothing happened are fucking kidding me!!?? I thought u were smarter than this, its beneath you to just run away & pretend I never mattered to you when we both know I did!!!....& im crying again. Im still feeling the betrayal apparently, ill never be able to trust him fully again anyway, let alone other men now. I dont hate you, I love you very much. But I hate the evil from you that you've shown me. I should've known honestly, I was naive to see all types of disrespect but this was the worst part. I still love him but i do deserve better than that & I hope he's changed his ways. Trust a guy with a high track record of ladies & a handful of em in their hand..what u think 🤔 can trust be gained back? Can I get over the bad uncalled for lying shit he's said about me to other women to make himself look better? Idk 🤷‍♀️ I haven't been able to rest without closure for so long, but enough is enough im making my own. You're absolutely right, you'd just manipulate me further, I thought maybe we could be better than before...round 2 at some point in the future...but maybe we're not salvageable after all. Thats up to u, I did everything I could, but now if u were to ever come back idk if I'd jump into your arms or slam the door in your face, I just dont know. Its better that I try never speaking of u again, or think of you for as long as I can so that I can heal better....cuz loving you even after the fact is tearing me apart & making me lose focus on what matters more, myself. I fought valiantly as long as I could, 7 months is a long time to not shut up about u lol.. maybe you've been hearing me I wouldn't know. I have to force it or ill never be able to, ill still silently grieve but as much as it hurts, Its time. U were my rock, an asshole but a good one, the best gamer I got to know, a boss at alot of things, with the cutest lil butt, & somehow the love of my life. Other than maybe something valentines or anniv related in Feb ofcourse....Ur getting what u wanted, I have to do whats best for me now, I have to let u go. I held on for so long but Im really tired & emotionally drained, im just torturing myself when i need to stop, im defeated, nobody won anything, everyone got hurt in 2020 why should our relationship be any different, id say we gave it our all be we both know we didnt. This hurts me so much to do, like my heart is breaking again. Bye babe, I love you with all my heart. 💋💞 💟

I tried to do what I could but if he left, I just gotta try to move on. If I take him back, I gotta consider how that's gonna look like & if I really got past the damage he did....obviously theres some I still haven't 😔 Its what im telling myself while trying to move past this. Others going through the same...We're in love and they ain't. We can't control their actions but we can control our actions. Im not a toxic person..only to myself, I love with all my heart, nobody bothers to understand...they just judge

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sapphicdalliances · 4 years

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Dear Chocolatier,

thank you so much for being here!! my sincere apologies for the lateness and messiness of this letter! sorry about my incredibly inconsistent capitalisation! it has been updated on the 9th of january.

I’m a simple bitch with simple tastes; here is a general summary of my preferences, and fandom-specific notes and prompts can be found further down!

I very much enjoy:

Fics that are short, but imply a longer, deeper verse; since this exchange is for short fics, but some of my prompts seem expansive, I just want to give you carte blanche permission to dip into an AU, splash around in it, and simply not provide additional details.

Comedic tones, slice-of-life, lighthearted fun, any amount of improbable romcom tropes

Am also on board with misunderstandings and drama as long as there is a happy ending!

I’m deeply okay with AUs, and most likely would be down for any modern, romcom, fantasy/fairytale, gender swap, or remix/crossover AUs you feel inspired to explore! My favourite settings include mundane/urban fantasy (witches! werewolves!), anachronism-stew-with-magic western fantasy jumbles, and disney’s Tangled.

Writing tropes I love:

Proposal fic

Wedding fic where the couple getting married is not the main couple

Outsider/third character POV of the main couple

Exes who are still in love/getting back together

Friends-with-benefits-with-feelings/did a bad job keeping it casual

Shipfic where two or more couples are contrasted

Oblique declarations of love/saying i love you without saying i love you

Provision and caretaking (acts of service!)

Aggressive matchmaking/wingmanning by an enthused friend

Hanahaki, or any other improbably dramatic instances of Cannot Spit It Out

Arranged marriage/fake marriage/fake dating

Epistolary fic

Regrettably I also love a/b/o, especially the kind that emphasises on scent safety and contains little to no actual sex

Art tropes I love, if you offered art:

Art where the characters look kind and fond

Fashion remixes – street fashion, cultural/traditional clothes, festival clothes, renfaire-esque clothes, beach photoshoot, get wild with it

Putting animal characteristics on one or both of them

Botanical motifs + celestial motifs

When plants grow directly out of people

The thing where character A is focused on something they’re doing or seeing, and the character B is focused only, wholly, desperately on A. please… the Gaze

Depictions of intimacy where faces are partially or fully hidden, but the body language is gentle

Characters SLEEPING next to each other, or comfortably doing separate activities in each other’s presence

If you wish to get frisky with your fills:

Yes!

Go for it!

I don’t have strong top/bottom preferences (and enjoy it when they switch or are otherwise generally equitable) so whatever you’re in the mood for is fine!

Kink tropes I very much enjoy include oral, restraints, praise kink, when proud characters cry during sex because they love their partners so much, and xeno tropes.

I love non-horny sex scenes; comedic, silly, charged, fraught, or simply affectionate exchanges that happen to include sex are my favourite. Feelings are the real kissing disease.

But like, if you wanna get horny about it.

Chase your bliss.

They simply must be in love.

I’m not as into:

Kidfic

First person narration

Soulmate AUs specifically

Kink wise, my only major squicks are incest, teacher/student, and public sex/getting caught, but i’m also not super keen on daddy kink, blood/piss/etc, or anything with blades or needles.

In general, please avoid:

Character death or serious/permanent injury

Animal abuse or death

Infidelity

Hopeless or downer endings

Fandom specific info:

Wotakoi

I love that this series has three couples in different stages of a relationship: one who’ve been together for years and love each other like well-worn grooves; one who have history but have only just recently begun a relationship and are discovering each other anew; and one who probably will not bring themselves to share a kiss for another 27 calendar years.

Narumi/Hirotaka: Honestly, the main couple of a series usually goes over my head a bit, but the more i thought about these two the more wretchedly fond of them I became. The thing I think of the most is how Narumi taught him how to smile as a child; how she did things that meant nothing to her, so easily does kindness come, but that meant so much to him; and how now that they are grown, he does things for her that take no effort, but shake her foundations. I think theirs is a love that grows quietly; something that cannot change the world, but can change them.

Koyanagi/Kabakura: My thoughts on these two are not complex, but they are deeply positive. I love how huge their personalities are, and how they fit around and against each other; I love the implication that despite their endless bickering, they are not an on-again-off-again kind of relationship, and have instead chosen each other over and over again for ten straight years. I love that despite everything, they are kind to each other, first and foremost; they find ways to apologise and to take care of each other, and treat each other gently in private.

Kou/Naoya: I love every ship in this manga equally but perhaps I love Kou/Naoya more equally than the other two? They are just so kind and so silly, and so sweet to each other in exactly the way both of them didn’t realise they were missing. I think about Naoya being told that Kou is “okay with being alone”, and realising that “okay with it” and “have accepted it” are different, and taking his little baby steps to fix it. I think about Kou giving Naoya every last drop of patience he’s trained himself not to accept, and doing so because it simply makes her happy. My only concern is that they are both bottoms. I don’t have a solution for this.

suggested prompts, fic:

- accidentally dating ft. Kou and Naoya, or, “and you’ve made out how many times now? Hmm. Yeah, that’s not technically a bromance.” - 5 times Hirotaka and Narumi almost, almost kissed, and 1 time they did; the unresolved romantic tension may kill me and it would be worth it - what Hirotaka and Narumi taught each other (apart from the more mundane gaming and life skills, i believe that she taught him how to smile and be loved by others, and he taught her how to be loved by herself!) - smutty domesticity ft. Koyanagi and Kabakura — a lazy Sunday, laundry in the sun, fucking on the couch, everything easy with familiarity - (addendum to above: pegging)

suggested prompts, art: - festival clothes - someone's getting married - naoya: *hands kou a tangerine* *hands kou a tangerine* *hands kou a tangerine* *hands kou a tangerine* *hands kou a t - red string of fate motifs

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

Nezha (2019)

So, wow, Nezha and Aobing are in love maybe? It drives me nuts to think about these two extremely powerful and extremely lonely boys finding each other by happenstance and instantly giving to each other something they’ve never had before. Sometimes you live most of your life without the presence of the other half of your literal soul and when you find him it’s like discovering true happiness for the first time, and that’s valid? Some people brazenly sacrifice themselves for the chance to spend a last moment with their soulmate to cope??

suggested prompts: - modern AU: delinquent Nezha and prim, proper exchange student Aobing - modern AU addendum: nobody believes Nezha when he says he’s got a hot boyfriend in Taiwan and thinks that he has made Aobing up - pwp with xeno tropes? yeah

suggested prompts, art: - lesbians AU. lesbians AU. AU where they are lesbians now. - mer aobing. mer aobing. AU where aobing is a mer-dragon now - KISSING - pwp with xeno tropes, again

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

Otoyomegatari

im skipping this section for now because i checked and im literally the only one who offered it. you’re not here to feed me otoyomegatari, and that’s fine.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

i haven’t, uh, played this game? and i have not, in fact, watched anyone else play this game. but really, i don’t know that fire emblem is a thing you understand with your mind so much as it is a thing you feel with your soul. and i feel that ferdinand and hubert are in love.

fandom specific DNW: i am not a huge fan of how the game handled its fantasy racism, so if you could sort of avoid that whole situation, that’d be great. literally would love an AU where ingrid and hilda aren’t racist.

Ferdinand/Hubert: THEY LIKE EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND IT’S SO VERY EMBARRASSING FOR BOTH OF THEM, just terrible, i can barely bring myself to look upon it. An important part of their rls to me is that they both have other things they value far more than each other, on an intrinsic, instinctive level; it does not make them love each other less, just differently. They are both so very dramatic in different, equally stupid, ways. ferdinand has one dimple in his right cheek, emits UV rays when he smiles, and loves horses and singing. hubert is sexy but in a way mostly reminiscent of the empty shed skin of a venomous spider. together, they fight classism

Dimitri/Dedue: like this

Dimitri: I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you Dedue: I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for YOU [5 years of soulful gazes and dimitri making increasingly drastic and ineffectual attempts at seduction]

Hilda/Claude + Hilda/Claude/Lorenz: the sex is good. the statecraft? even better. i love trios where all 3 characters love each other equally.

suggested prompts: - ferdinand and hubert making bare skin-on-hair contact and immediately bursting into flame - dedue: your highness, let me teach you how to garden. dimitri, internally: oh, to be a speck of wet soil clinging to the warm, calloused skin of dedue's hands! - gee claude, how come your mum lets you have TWO tops? - hilda, strapping it on: urgh you're making me WORK

suggested prompts, art-specific: - outfit swaps ALWAYS fun - modern AUs also always fun - horse

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

Haikyuu!!

changed my life, cured my depression, what can be said about it? fwiw i am completely caught up with the manga and indeed to remain caught up for the duration of this exchange so nws about spoilers; of course i am also happy if you want to play around earlier in the timeline!

suggested prompts: - kagehina or iwaoi dealing with LDR - kyouhaba are forced to cooperate on an innocuous, preferably wholesome task, such as gardening, or finding the owner of a lost dog, and it goes, As One Would Expect - bokukuroo + overheard phone conversation: and you've slept together how many times now? hmm. yeah, that's not technically a bromance (not in a no-homo way, just in a we-are-both-so-stupid-and-like-each-other-so-much-way) - actually that overheard phone conversation would work for any of these ships

suggested prompts, art-specific: - put some wings on some of them. now it's bird romance, which is for birds - (i lied, this isn't art-specific at all, wingfic is always welcome in any of its forms) - just pick up your whole boyfriend and carry him like that. give the smooch.

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

Ace Attorney

i laughed for 2 straight minutes about there being no klapollo in the noms but this is fine, narumitsu is good. a thing I think about a lot re: narumitsu is that they are one of those love stories where, like, yes they’re in love. that’s not the problem. no matter what conflicts arise, or for what reasons they cannot be together, the fact that they are in love, and choose to remain in love, is never even doubted. i just really want to assert that i do not personally believe that miles nor phoenix have ever done anything on purpose in their lives except continue to be in love with each other.

suggested prompts:

- proposal fic - wedding fic - attending-a-wedding fic (gumshoe & maggey, before they're married? apollo and klavier, after they're married? franziska and adrian? not terribly picky on the background couple here!) - wedding night fic and they're both 35 so just, honestly, the back pain - honeymoon fic - also anything from when they were little, standalone or in conjunction with/comparison to their adult lives!

suggested prompts, art-specific: - so what if phoenix is a liddol hedgehog and miles is a cat in a cravat. just a thought.

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-Kun

seowaka: they are idiots, and they like each other very much, but they do not know. i love a tall crying boy and his short but much more powerful girlfriend.

chiyo/nozaki + chiyo/nozaki/mikorin: im rooting for her in the face of such overwhelming stupidity. one himbo is difficult enough to seduce but two. chiyo is a hero and a woman of rare courage. i like the pair and the trio equally; again, if you go with trio, it’s important that they all love each other please!

suggested prompts: - 5 times any of these ships went on a date without realising, and the time they realised - urban fantasy AU where Waka is a hapless monster hunter and Seo is an annoying but deeply harmless werewolf who’s been terrorizing his town?? - fairytale AU where Seo believes she must rescue the prince from the tower and deliver him back to the kingdom capital, and the prince, who had not realised he’d been kidnapped, thinks Seo is a usurper from a rival kingdom who must be supervised all the way back to the kingdom capital to be served her justice

suggested prompts, art-specific: - festival clothes… - nozaki carrying chiyo, who's carrying mikorin - (seo carrying waka) - waka sleeping peacefully in seo's presence… :'(

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

we made it through all the fandoms.

Thank you for making it to the end of this whole disaster; I hope at least one of the prompts sparked joy! The most important thing to me is that whatever you end up doing, you are able to enjoy the process at least somewhat, and deliver a creation that you like! I can also be found on twitter at @hawberries_ (for art) and @popplioikawa (for general ramblings). If you need some more inspo, I recommend going through my art tags for the selected ships because I put a lot of Opinions into my fanart.

#shit fuck im SO sorry i had to finish a DEADLINE #shut up phee #chocbox

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jess-oh · 5 years

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reflection

hey journal, rachel has been living with me for the past couple days now and she's good company! im really looking forward to spending the rest of this week with her. i think im going to be pretty sad when she leaves but God, I trust you. Thank you for allowing us to have this time together and grow together on a deeper level. of all the people in new MAST, im glad i get to work with Rachel. I probably trust her the most rn. i feel pretty bad bc i tried to stay up last night in case Rachel woke up so we could start venting to each other but I ended up falling asleep around 8 or 9pm and didn't wake up again til 3:30am. I flaked on our session T 0 T but hopefully we can do it tonight! i think we both just feel physically and mentally exhausted yesterday so maybe unpacking everything tonight will lead to better, clearer results. im also realizing that i hate giving all the time without ever feeling like im receiving. even when i do receive, i dont really believe it's happening and don't understand the effort being made on other people's parts when they do give to me and it just feels off. maybe it's bc it isnt how i envision them giving to me is. i do want to be more appreciative of every moment when people do genuinely want to give to me but it is currently hard for me to understand. like it felt fine when rachel was cooking and cleaning my dishes for me and bc i saw it as not a big thing to clean my dishes, it wasnt that alarming to see her doing it for me. it just made life easier not having to do it myself but there was no real sacrifice being made i guess. i dont want to go home and just be listening to my sister and my parents' complaints all the time. i really feel like nothing will have changed. it was nice not speaking to them for a year and time i needed away from them to learn to be more self reliant and making a community and a life for myself here and away from them. i dont want to live the same life and be stuck in the same cycle over and over and over again. i keep ending up feeling miserable and burnt out in the end. i need to change something to make it different this time. i dont want to be defined by the ways that i felt hurt in the past. i dont want to be defined by how much i feel like i need to work in order to prove myself. i want to learn and understand how to rest and just be present and be with God. I keep feeling so alone and I don't want to be anymore. I want to learn and know and be willing to move forward and make something different so that I can serve better and be used by God better. I want to be able to stand up and defend and challenge the community to be more like Christ. I want to stand firm in my faith at church, at school, in public. I want to be able to rest in my identity in Christ, knowing that He is always on my side and I don't have to worry so much about everything else in the world. I do genuinely want to be able to fall down but not feel like I have to get back up for the sake of helping others. I want to be able to fall down and stay down and take my time getting back up instead of just forcing myself to be okay. I hate that I experienced a drive by shooting and being basically abused by my roommate this past year. They were both absolutely horrible, awful experiences that I really do not wish on anyone else. And I am so upset that I had to go through those things this past. Honestly, even recently, I have been bitter again towards God's for continuing to bring so much pain and hardship. I resent Jason because I feel like I can't get along or try to be friends with anyone he's had a falling out with in the past without feeling like I'm not being loyal to him. I know he feels alone and I want to stand firm and strong by his side so that he knows he isnt alone and that I will at least always be there for him. But that has kept me from feeling totally present and open with Angela, Chelsea, Yaeji, Cecilia, Joyce, Jiham, Songbee, Anna, Jiwoon, sometimes P. Josh, and I'm sure even more. It sucks. I feel like I'm being kept from making deeper relationships with people that I could potentially get along really well with because I'm trying so hard to stay loyal to Jason. And plus, I feel like whenever I have expressed concern or given him an issue that I need help dealing with or just someone to listen to, he is always quick to answer in an incredibly blunt manner. And sometimes, the challenge is a good wake up call for me to get up and keep going and do something about it instead of just wallowing in my pain and guilt. But other times, I just end up hurt. And again, he almost never apologizes! Even if I tell him he hurt me, he doesn't apologize! He just takes it as something to be assessed and logically figure out where to go from here. How did I not notice these things before? Was I just afraid to lose the few people that I did trust that I was afraid of ever seeing their true colors? Of actually seeing them for who they are instead of this perfect mirage I wanted them to be? And I always feel like I'm doing to my best to defend other people but because he's already so hell-bent on being cynical and pessimistic, he doesn't listen or even try to understand my point or that I may be right and he just isn't giving them the benefit of the doubt. I keep trying to do better in my relationship with him but in the end, I feel like I keep getting knocked down anyway and it leaves me to believe that I'm doing something wrong and need to learn to do better but maybe it's been his fault a lot of the times too. I was just too blind to notice or see. I don't want to be on bad terms with him. I don't want to hate him. I do really value him so highly as a friend and we've fought enough times whilst still maintaining our friendship together. But this is so frustrating and I can't move on from her at this pace. I need to break this cycle and change something. Anything. It was so hard for us to have a serious, normal conversation at all but then we talked it through, toned down the joking, and have started to move forward from there. I think also just because I've probably shared the most of my insecurities and inner most thoughts with him, I trust his opinion because he has all the facts laid out. And, he gets along with so many people that he's reached out to bc of his genuine character and pure intentions. Many people that I tried to reach out to but failed at. If he can do that and they see him as so great, he must be a great person, right? Are we just too close? Are we too comfortable with each other and I'm just left seeing all the excess ugly stuff that he doesn't show the rest of the world? He seems genuinely unhappy and bitter but I also don't know how to help him anymore without it taking a cost at myself. Or even if I'm willing to pay that cost, I don't even know what to do anymore. Sigh. I'm glad I have the opportunity to think more about this and process and reflect everything now that it's the summer. I want to keep this up and continue to document and flesh out all the thoughts and things running around in my mind. Johnathan messaged me earlier today to ask if I was able to rest well. I was surprised he decided to reach out and check up to see how I was doing. I didn't talk to Amanda at all yesterday. I saw her but I didn't even say hi.I texted her on the train this morning though and asked if she'd be down to get some coffee together today after her class. I want to be friends with her again. But not like this. I need her to know how I feel. Even if there's not much she can do about it to help the situation, I at least want to hear her side of the story. Or at least just let her know. If I don't tell her, I think my resentment towards her will always be in the back of my mind, silently lingering, slowly growing. I need to fix this now before it's too late. So, again. I'm upset with Amanda because I feel like I tried so hard to invite her to becoming more involved with Movement in order to be a part of the community. I was just a member my sophomore year and didn't ever make that much of an effort to get involved and as a result, I was definitely not a part of the community. I felt like I needed to get involved in order to be a part of it. And I didn't want Amanda to suffer the same fate I did as a sophomore and feel like she wasn't a part of Movement—especially as someone that was here before and is now in a ministry filled with a bunch of people she's never met before. I tried so hard to invite her so she wouldn't feel like such an outsider. But she almost never came. And, it really broke my heart when we were trying to plan for senior banquet and realizing that no one really knows Amanda that well. And I am really happy people have gotten to know her better recently. But when I found out no one knew her, I really felt like I needed to make sure people did and present the necessary opportunities for that to occur. Whether that was pushing her to do certain things or have to interact with people or whatever else. But then, the few times Johnathan asked her to come, she came. Why was me asking never enough but for him, it was so easy for her to be convinced to come? Is it just because we're on summer break and she doesn't have to worry about so many classes and the workload that comes with it? Does it even have anything to do with Johnathan at all?And, she is so incredibly loved and adored by the NU collective and has had such an easy time getting along with them and being accepted into the community. She never even came. I tried to come so much more often than she ever did and I never felt like I was at that level of acceptance. I still feel excluded and left out from the ministry a lot. What was so different about her that I didn't have? And finally, I'm upset she's dating Johnathan now. Not because that itself is inherently wrong or that there's anything wrong with him. I'm just upset because it shows me that they're moving on. And because I'm still in Movement, I feel like I'm still stuck in the past. And I know that that isn't true. It's in my hands now to take the baton that they've passed onto me and run at full speed ahead forward, bringing Movement to a brighter future. I do, genuinely, want to leave it knowing that it will continue to grow in the right direction. And I know that it'll take a lot of effort and sacrifice on my part. And I do genuinely want this. I just don't want to feel like I'm alone in trying to fight for this better future. I want to know that other people are serving with the same goal as me. That we are all trying to make Movement a better place and are willing to take the time and energy and make the necessary sacrifices to make that a reality. It's a lot and it's asking for a lot but if we're serious about making Movement a more God-centered ministry that is actively trying to raise each other up and keep each other accountable in becoming more Christlike, then it's something we need to do. I just don't even want to care anymore. No wonder Jason's more burnt out than I am. He's been doing this for a year longer than me and somehow found the strength to keep going and serving. And still, no one bothered reaching out to him or getting to know him. I think Movement as a community never felt the need to make the effort in reaching out to us as MAST because we explicitly signed up to voluntarily serve the community and learn to be disciples so that we could make disciples. But at the end of the day, we're only human too. We want to know we're not just people you see as someone whose responsibility it is to serve you. We want to know that we are someone you see as a friend. As a brother or a sister in Christ. Not just someone whose sole responsibility is to take care of you. Maybe that's why I'm so upset now. Because I'm caught in this weird in between area where I did have community with old MAST but now they're leaving and moving on with their lives. I need to learn to let go of them and find community in new MAST now. But because none of them were on old MAST, I don't feel like I have community with any of them. Especially with Joyce, Sean, and David, I still feel like they're people I need to serve. That I can't show my true colors to because I'm just expected to serve them. And I do, genuinely, want to trust them and be able to serve alongside them. And know that I can find community with them. But as of right now, I can't. I feel like I need to serve them and lead them in the right direction as the only continuing MAST member. Give them tips and advice on small group leading and how to hold themselves and everything else. Reasons to keep going when it seems hard. Ways to challenge them and and to do better. But I don't want to be alone. I don't want to feel like I'm fighting this fight by myself. Like the only person I can rely on is me. Even with P. Josh, I do genuinely love and trust and respect him so much. But, it really breaks my heart whenever I see him so discouraged and I want to do my best to change the culture in Movement so that he doesn't have to feel that way again. Or at least just not as often. I started going to bible studies and prayer meetings just to make sure at least one person showed up. Because if he was already discouraged to only see me come, how awful would he feel if no one decided to come. And I really don't want him to feel that way. He doesn't believe Movement has actually grown all that much. At least not spiritually. I believe we have grown a lot. Maybe not spiritually but at least that community aspect is starting to get there. It's better than nothing. And the 5 of us in MAST this past year did definitely grow maturity wise, mentally, and spiritually. We have grown in our faiths and matured and that's a result of him. We were able to live out these characteristics and newfound values because of the ways he led and taught and discipled us to be. We have grown. Maybe not as much as he might've wanted but we did grow. And even if people suddenly came out the last couple meetings just because it was the last one, at least people came and could hear and learn about the Bible and pray for the nations. Better they came, even if it was for the wrong reasons, than not at all. I am the happiest when I don't care. When I interact with people without worrying about how it might be affecting them. When I just act as unapologetically me as I can. And I usually get along much better with people when I do present myself like that. maybe things wouldnt have been so bad if the whole Eunice thing didn't happen. Everyone was quick to turn on her but I wanted to really try and hear her side of the story. I saw her as the victim that I needed to reach out to. But she hurt a lot of people and I don't think I ever took the time to really try and understand everyone else's perspective and their side of the story. At the end of the day, whatever her reasons were for pretending to be a student at NU, she betrayed and hurt a lot of people. That was the bottom line. And she needs to own up to her actions and acknowledge that would she did was wrong and apologize for it. No one will ever be able to move on if she doesn't. What happened with her is something we choose not to address and just ignore that it happened. I can't even imagine how stressed P. Josh must've been trying to navigate that whole situation and especially for something that drastic to happen during his first year. He had a rough first year and still decided to stay and try and salvage Movement. And look at where we are now as a result. Thank you, P. Josh. Truly. I'm surprised Jason said that Movement was so great for him his first year of serving with Angela. It was his everything and he loved it. I just assumed he also had an equally bad time as me but maybe because of the Northwestern life group, he felt differently. He's been so bitter towards everyone recently so I just assumed it had always been bad from the start. I guess I was wrong. We're not the same person at all. And we had very different experiences. And now we're both here now. And it's time to let go and move on. God, please give me the strength and the courage to confront Amanda today and express all these feelings that I have towards her. Please let us just get and have everything out in the open and leave no words left unsaid. Thank you. I pray this all in your name,Amen.

#reflection

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coachjeffsworkouts · 5 years

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2019 Sectionals.... what an incredible meet

Now that was a fun weekend of coaching. I shared with the swimmers at points that this was rapidly becoming one of my favorite meets. Every coach will have highlights along the way, memories that are etched in our minds. This is going to be one of those meets for me, but not because of individual or even TEAM highlights in results as much as it being the epitome of TEAM and process, working together.

So this is obviously going to be part meet recap and part blog, as these are lessons I just don’t want us to lose. It wasn’t one of those meets that we needed to handle anything huge. A little bit of rain, wind, and cold weather, but that wasn’t really even a thought of an issue from what I could tell. This meet really became about each swimmer battling their own hurdles along the way. It was one of those meets where it wasn’t going to come easy, but the results were there if you really wanted them. That “just short on rest” time where you are absolutely stronger, but man does it hurt to get up to those speeds and try to hold them. “Easy speed” didn’t seem to make the bus for this trip and was left back at Rose Bowl. (Just another example of how I take being on time seriously, especially on trips. 😉

What this did though was challenge your personal weaknesses. Whether it be the process, the willingness to attack races, your ability to forget about how you feel and let yourself work, eliminating the fear of “dying” and starting to understand you have the control over that, and so many more. So we’re going to go over some of those here, and then I’ll hit the results.

“Tapering” to become stronger, not fragile. We don’t taper so that you have this perfect amount of speed for one swim at a time. That you are too fragile to handle the work. We taper from our intensity of training in order to allow your body to adapt and be STRONGER. When we taper you are ready for more, not less. Yes, resting is part of it, so we don’t want you out doing physical things during that time so that we can do our absolute best to get you the rest you need to be the strongest possible at the meet. But as we learned this weekend, if we are working the legs in warm up all year long to get them fired up and ready to work, then we better be doing some of that to get ready to race. We’ll handle the design of the meet wuts, but I hope you understand the need to get your muscles “working” before we ask them to perform at your highest possible levels. Get them to that point before we start the race, so that we can utilize them at optimal levels the entire race, and not hope they get warmed up enough to help at the end.

Being aggressive in your races. This weekend was going to challenge those of you afraid to attack races. If you are afraid of “dying” in races when you feel good, then your chances of attacking and believing you could hold on when you didn’t feel great went down to somewhere around 0%. Every time we “Sent It” and then fought, we went best times. Every time we pushed for the speeds needed going out and were willing to then hit the pace we needed to at the beginning (say the first 2 50’s of a 200, not just the first one), we were able to hit best times. Now the best times are great, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg compared to the lesson I hope you learned about you, your racing, your ability to be fast no matter how you feel, etc.

The last few for now is to remember to control the controllable’s, make sure your actions match your words/goals, and remember to just keep “pounding that rock” with everything you have, the time will come.

As we all know, it wasn’t the “perfect” meet by any means, but wow what an incredible meet. I am still on a bit of a high from it actually but it’s an odd one to share. Yes, we had great performances in the water, a ton of best times, cuts, wins, coaches recognizing your performances, and more. The thing is that I’ll need to go through my little red book soon here to remember what those were. I am way more focused on the processes that were worked through this weekend. The fact that when you were challenged, you didn’t back down. You understood it to be part of the process and responded incredibly. If you slipped in any way, you didn’t stay down. You got up, adjusted, and attacked the next one.

I find myself extremely proud of this entire TEAM and the way they responded to things this weekend. Then to see others that have come so far in their process that they just handled their business from race to race. Ownership taken, adjustments made, longer term vision, emotions in check, and so many pieces that hit me so much deeper than any time ever will.

Then I also find myself more hopeful than ever that the lessons taught this weekend were actually learned. That may sound weird to say, but one of the coach’s main jobs is repetition and variable approaches, as lessons are actually rarely learned the first time. (Oh, but when coachable swimmers do, what fun that is. :) But this weekend felt like to me it was the incredible balance of success, learning lessons from obstacles, never giving up, enjoying the process, having FUN (pretty sure you had at least half of the swimmers in the meet singing along with you at some point), and being a TEAM. And maybe it’s just the excitement from such a great “coaching meet”, but I just have a feeling that more swimmers than ever had something click. Learned something more about the process and themselves, and that makes me very happy and very hopeful.

Swimmers, please remember to learn the lessons from this meet. Learn the efforts you can give in races going out and how tough you really are, and when that race comes that it all connects….. look out. Congrats to you all! As we said the last night, you should all be proud of yourselves from this meet. Zero best times or all best times, you all did an incredible job and your coaches are very proud of you.

Okay, not sure where to start here, so I’ll just bullet point some highlights of the meet. Please know I can’t hit them all here, so I apologize if I miss them, but again, I hope this is more about process than results:

· Rose Bowl Relays: Once again coming up big for the TEAM. Whether it was the Women’s 400 Medley of Kailee Ruiz, Amanda Petersen, Alex Syrkin, Maya Wilson that smashed the 15-16 TEAM record by 11 seconds, or the Men’s Medley TEAM of Mark McCrary, James Lee, Danny Syrkin, Will Blake winning it in convincing fashion against some of the top competition in the country, we seemed to step up on every single relay throughout the weekend. My favorite isn’t the wins though, it was our 2nd place finish in the 800 Free Relay. Unfortunately, Will Blake, who had just posted a big swim of 1:38.8 in the individual, hurt his shoulder on the finish of the 50, so he was out of the relay. Time to pull someone up from the B and off the sideline for the B, and they stood up huge. Our A relay battled the entire race. Danny Syrkin led it off with a big swim, getting under 1:40 for the first time, followed by Ronald Dalmacio posting right on his best time from the day, third came Chris O’Grady (he’s getting used to pressure on relays by now I would imagine) and with the field on his heels posted a best split of over 2 seconds, and our anchor leg of Mark McCrary battled hard to hold on to 2nd and posted his lifetime best by over a second and a half as well. Such an exciting race. Then the B relay came back and I think averaged a 2 ½ second drop on splits, with James Lee coming off the sidelines 30 minutes before and still posting a 5 second drop off his best. Talk about being about the TEAM. We’re all lucky to have him going into the Navy.

· Danny Syrkin had a huge meet, but again out of water more impressive than in the water. Yes, he won the 200 Fly and broke the Open TEAM record in the process (hearing a congrats from his predecessor when it happened). Dropping bests in all freestyle events in the process as well. But the most outstanding part of it all was to see his new approach to swimming. He’s listened to guidance on some nuances of the sport and taken them to heart. His reaction to things now are processed based, ready for the next one, and always looking to improve over just the result. He’s a picture of what I see as possible for so many swimmers from this past meet. And as much as he had a solid meet here, with this type of approach, look out in the future.

· Mark McCrary also had a huge meet, but again my happiness has more to do with the maturity and process approach he has learned over the years as well. He showed it a ton at Jrs and only continued it here. I can’t wait to see what he accomplishes the rest of his time here and his career in college as he takes in a great process. It’s not all the highlights, but congrats to Mark on the new Open/17-18 TEAM record in the 200 Back, as well as the new 17-18 TEAM record in the 100 Back.

· Hojung Yoon had a huge meet. The 13 year old came in without fear and ready to race every time she touched the water. Coachable athletes like Hojung are a lot of fun to coach, and I really enjoyed working with her this weekend. When you can tell an athlete something for a race, her answer is “Yes”, and then she goes and does exactly that…… now that’s a lot of fun to watch. I’m going to highlight the impressive 400 IM, with a 9 second drop on the day total, she obviously wasn’t satisfied with the 4 second drop in the morning and came into finals ready to attack it even more and dropped an impressive 4:24.8 as a 13 year old, leaving her 6th in the country now.

· James Lee was listed above but needs to be recognized here for sure. Mr. Consistency to me, he again came to play. Congrats to him on breaking the Open/17-18 TEAM record once again in the 200 Breast, coming off his huge race at Juniors to break it the first time. But the real James is shown by the readiness to jump up, change, and race an 800 Free Relay with 30 minutes notice all with a smile on his face. And then to split his leg 5 seconds faster than his best time ever, incredible TEAM effort.

· Isaac Hwang took a huge step in his swimming. He had a number of best times along the way, but the best part once again was the change in mindset. He was willing to attack races and work for them like he does in practice. It’s a bigger breakthrough than the times will show, as long as he remembers this lessons and builds from here!

· Devyn Walklett came to swim, and it didn’t matter where it needed to be done. In her 2 individual events she dropped over 2 seconds in the 200 IM and nearly 4 in the 200 Breast, only to utilize time trials to post even more best times. Showing how it is just another meet to stand up and race your race. Don’t get lost in the swimmers around you, just take care of business in your lane, and that is exactly what Devyn did this weekend.

· New Winter Juniors qualifiers coming in Alex Syrkin (100 Fly) and Winston Chen (100 and 200 Back). Congrats to you both.

· Ronald Dalmacio continued to work his process and learn lessons through the weekend, bouncing back from races he was disappointed with and managing to break his own 13-14 TEAM record in the 200 Back on the last night of competition and stepping up to help the TEAM on every race.

· Two swimmers that are consistently willing attack their races and saw some great swims in the process are Amanda Petersen (who just missed Win Jr cuts in both 100 and 200 Breast, but will be way past that by December) and Eddie Cosic. Keep up that attack and keep training to bring it home. When we get those two together it’s going to be a lot of fun.

Okay, while that’s not everyone, and I wish I could take the time to write about all, since there’s a story in each one for sure, it’s time to wrap this up. I can’t say this enough swimmers, please look to take away the lessons over anything else. Remember how much fun you had at the meet, all while working your process, being held accountable for your actions but given the opportunity to be better, learning lessons instead of reacting emotionally to results, and so much more. When things don’t come easy and you need to fight and work for it, is exactly when you can learn the most about your process. If you set things up based on those “easy” times, you will struggle when adversity comes. If you set your process based on times you need to fight for what you want, then you set a process that will allow you to reach your absolute potential when it matters most, no matter the circumstance.

Congrats again to all, from your very proud coach.

#Worktheprocess

Go Rose Bowl!

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