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bonefall · 1 year

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Seriously the only good cannon couple I can think of is Fire/Sand. That's it. And Maybe Crooked and his cannon mate I forgot her name x_x lol

I'd say that Oak/Blue is pretty cute too (though Crooked/Blue would have been massively superior) and yeah, Crooked/Willow is excellent.

I guess Crookedstar is 100% boyfriend material, lmao

waIT WAIT CLOUDTAIL X BRIGHTHEART IS SOLID... Cloudbright is very good.

Firesand

Honestly though I'm not a fan of canon Firesand. It's easy to forget how much they fight in TPB and I don't think their personalities mesh super well... See, people forget how much agency Fireheart has in TPB, constantly sneaking around, breaking rules, trying to find the truth and feeling immense pressure from the general horrors

But Sandstorm's equally fiesty. There's no need for her to be around to push him to do things, he already is doing them. So there's situations where Fireheart could obviously use the backup, but Sandstorm is actually acting as a "traditionalist" or yelling at him in already stressful situations.

The example that always comes to mind is Cloudtail's abduction. It's traumatic! Cloudtail gets crated, he's screaming for Fireheart to save him, he races down the road chasing after his nephew, tears his paws open, until he loses track of the car.

So Sandy comes up to lick him and she says, "It'll be fine maybe he wanted to be with twolegs" and Fire SNAPS, like, "IM ALONE IN THIS CLAN NOW, CLOUDPAW IS ALL I HAVE!" And Sandy gets MAD, "Ohhh he's all you have ay? WHAT ABOUT MEEE". Cold shoulders him for a few chapters until HE apologizes to HER, while his nephew is kidnapped!!

Sandstorm in general

I wish Sandstorm developing as a person was more on-screen, instead of just slowly happening over time. I wish they both apologized to each other.

This is not a Sandstorm hate post though, I really do love her. I think she's a great balance of being supportive of Firestar and being someone who stands against him. I like her fire in the clan. I like that she's generally a dependable ally of his, and I like her being the mother of his kits (though I prefer them as QPR; Aro Firestar my beloved)

I'm just not fond of their scenes when they're supposed to be romantic. I strongly feel like they work best as allies and close friends.

#Warrior Cats Analysis #Sandstorm #Firestar

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bi-the-wei · 2 years

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I am slowly but surely still working on this redraw. Lol. SO many flowers. X_X I've been a bit stressed lately. Just residual stuff from grief and complicated emotions from the beginning of this year kinda hitting its second wind. Also my clipstudio decided randomly to undo ALL of the organization I spent like 2 hours doing to my brushes and I got mad so I haven't drawn much at home. And my work has been busy because it's the end of the fiscal year so I haven't had enough time there to draw much of anything other than my ghosties (that I'm posting on @boos-day). BUT the end of the fiscal is done and I'm slowly getting back to.. mmm well as close to normal as I'm gonna get for a while yet (healing is a process yo!) so I'm gonna try to draw some more again soon. <3

ANYWAY yeah. Here's a WIP that I'm

#mo dao zu shi #mdzs #wei ying #wei wuxian #wip #art with effort #just like... this year #My grandma who lived with me my entire life and helped raise me and my brother died the day after christmas #then my mom had a major stroke that was complicated by both covid and pneumonia a couple weeks later #She is still alive but she will never walk again and probably won't regain use of her right arm #she is slowly learning to talk again though so that's good #but she'll never go home #and then a month after that my grandpa died.#And so very randomly this year all the stress of that just.... has been coming back.#I'm getting better but like #it's a lot #Sorry for the sob story in the tags #but I still like.... need to talk about it sometimes.#;w;

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brutalistarchitecture2 · 1 year

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do you also like yves tumor? what do you think of their new album?

My apologies my love I read this the morning I woke up feeling extremely horrid and sick so I had to put it aside for a few days but relistening 2 the album now I can tell you it's fuckin amazing!!!! Sean bowie bloody legend you've outdone yrself once again . Wasn't too enthralled the first listen but that was probably bcoz i was deep in the mire of exhaustion and slight burnout from school but after 2 days on involuntary bedrest and time 2 purge out 70% of the stress that's been plaguing me for the past few weeks I can safely say their latest is absolutely delicious... I love Yves theyre such an enigma 2 me every song & other forms of media from them r incredible n yet you get the feeling it's only a small part of a large sprawling puzzle we hv yet 2 unlock .. Much akin 2 being a speck of dust in the face of a yawning universe x_x. Anyway overall artist experience aside this album is awesome I rarely ever feel compelled to save every song in an album but with HBW it's starting to look like all of it will b migrating 2 my library!!!! Listening experience is 10/10 I think it works so well both as a linear and shuffled lineup Yves' selection did not disappoint each track follows seamlessly onto the other no matter which way you choose to order it as a listener ++ Love love love how the album as a whole wanders here n there from his base stylistic 'sound' but also makes sure not 2 stray entirely away from it -- Purified By the Fire is a fantastic example of this!!!! in that it serves as an experimental vehicle for his tamer tracks to expand their individual soundscapes oooo... His past albums didn't really click on a collective front the way this one does so it's safe 2 say I'm quite pleased with what Yves has managed to produce especially in such a neat package of 37.5mins!! Absolutely brilliant. Couldn't ask for anything better x

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malicemismanager · 8 months

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I've gotten stuck on the WWX outer robe and been ignoring it for months and stressing out about ignoring it for months because Deadline, so I made the executive decision to take the pressure off myself and just not worry about finishing the cosplay for next con specifically. It'll just get finished when it's finished, and while yeah it's a bit of a bummer, the relief not worrying about it has already given me is fantastic. I might change tack and keep working on the skirt instead (so many pleats x_x) while I try to work out where I'm stuck, or get started on the over robe or working on the accessories and wig, but I'm gonna take it easy about it and be nice to myself when I just don't feel like looking at any of it.

Really this has been a continuing adventure of my efforts in trying to work on how frustrated I get when I don't immediately get something I've never done right on the first try and then stressing about it, and then giving up because clearly I'll never get anything right, and then stressing about giving up because I know I can probably do better if I just take a breath and try again while not expecting/demanding perfection of myself. Results have been mixed, but we shall keep trying. I'll let you know how it goes. XD

#really i'm just a big ol' mess #at least i'm cute XD #malice's sewing adventures #this is not the bigger with-a-deadline project i mentioned last post #that's something else and significantly smaller XD #malice's con whining #more or less #close enough?

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iridescentclaws · 4 months

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x_x So many numbers to worry about. Anxious about seeing doctor again on Tuesday and also other appointments that haven't been arranged yet.

I think I'm doing okay so far. i think I'm mostly used to the needles/poking myself since it's not as bad as I thought it'd be. Fucking annoying I have to do it before every meal + before bed. At least before bed it's just for checking blood sugar but still. I miss not caring about what I had to eat. I wouldn't say my diet before was healthy but also wasn't the worst. I miss being able to eat comfortably, have sweets every now and then. I miss my microwave udon and ramen. Miss my hot cocoa. Didn't get to enjoy at least one candy cane before I got diagnosed

I did sleep okay last night, didn't wake up several times. But I still feel so tired. Feel like I have no time for anything because all this is taking up so much real estate in my head.

And I think I've been doing better to manage my feelings and stress over this. It had to have been impacting my blood sugar because I've been eating so little, doing my best to keep carbs, sugar, fats, and sodium down. Everything. Because of that it's also been a struggle to make sure I'm actually getting enough calories. It's such a headache. And all the advice I see when I google is just like "Cook a 20 ingredient dish that would take you easily an hour or more to make!"

And I know it's healithier and better that way but I just don't have the energy. I was depressed before, how do you think I feel now?

I keep telling myself to go look up recipes so we can get groceries to do so and every time I go and look I'm just feeling like "I can't do that.."

I've been having bell peppers with cream cheese and smoked salmon for the past 3 days I think it's been. I don't mind cooked bell peppers but I've been having them uncooked cause it's fast. also Idk I'm sure it would alter the nutritional values if I did. And it just sucks. Especially with such a tiny amount of cream cheese. It's the texture, a lot of foods if the texture is off I can't enjoy it. I can get it down but sometimes it's a struggle. Having shitty plain oatmeal sucked, was like eating cement. I added a bit of cinnamon but that barely helped. And I know there's more things I can add, like sweetner or fruit or whatever. but for me it's still a lot of work and thinking, and I didn't have anything like that around so that's what I had.

I've been trying to find apps and stuff to just plan meals for me but it's such a headache and a lot of them you gotta pay a subscription. I just want to be able to prepare everything without thinking so hard about it. I don't think I have dyscalculia but I'm often running numbers through my calculator over and over and over again + asking others to check my math on top of that. Re-reading over and over. I get so paranoid and its justt dfghdghhh

I just wish I could have something like dog kibble and just have that for every meal. would it still make me feel depressed just having the same shit over and over again? Maybe, but I'd KNOW for a fact I'd be getting all the nutrients I need and very easily and efficiently. So that fear is just eliminated. also sometimes watching like mukbang/food review channels while I eat helps. It makes me feel like I'm eating that instead of the fucking air I've been eating.

I'm trying so hard not to feel one way or another about this because like I said I'm worried about my stress levels affecting my blood sugar, whether or not that's something that can happen but i've been told by others it can. and ofc it was really bad those first few days and also the entire week. I feel scared to cry, to be angry, to have any kind of stressful emotions and it's making me feel so numb like I have to be a robot. having anxiety and paranoia on top of that, something I can't fully help it just makes things so hard

also i've had to take insulin every single time after I was given it. there has not been one time where it was not over 130, cause anything at that or lower I don't have to take it. But I have that and metformin and still it's been higher than that. doing my best to walk for at least an hour after every meal to help that.

i wish I could've somehow had a day to be like.. the last day I can just enjoy food and not care. I wish I could've gone to a seafood buffet one more time, had as much as I wanted. had as much sushi as I wanted, had as much dim sum as I wanted, as much soup and stew and ice cream and cake and fries and potatos.

oh well.

there's really no point in complaining about it

#diabetes #vent

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inner-community · 1 year

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i have been working a tiny bit on therapy days (one hour of dog walks before our session) and i think it's REALLY throwing me off in terms of knowing what has happened in the previous week... i get in the Working Mode and then have a hard time turning it off to get into anything negative. we keep talking about plants and stuff lmaoooo its all i talk abt x_x

i think today i want to try and focus on talking about maybe mom or like, idk. maybe trying to delve into elementary or middle school or something and talk about some of that...? i want to do something useful and it's stressful to be in a mode where i don't remember anything bad !!!

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due4amiracle · 2 years

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Day 468

Listo:

Laundry/cleaning, Reading, Dailies, #TTRPGThings, Watching.

Laundry/cleaning - Some garbage thrown away, always more to go! ✔

Reading things - - 3 Ebooks for me, 0 Audiobook for Sir! ...Yea. 213 for the year, 20 for the month! - Vampire Dawn (Vampire for Hire #5) by J.R. Rain 3%! There’s supposed to be a short story here, before this one - i didn’t read it. Shrug! - Moon Child (Vampire for Hire, #4) by J.R. Rain 2🌟100%! Very obvious things happened that were very obvious. But is ok. - American Vampire (Vampire for Hire #3) by J.R. Rain 3🌟100%! UwU♡ ✔✔✔✔

Dailies - - Waifu Did mah dailies! Also, level 3/50 BP now~! AND! Tree lvl 40/50! Also! 27/43 max friendship namecards acquired! New MONTH! new weeklies! Gem thingy now level 9/10! ♡ω♡✔ i have been playing a bit of this here and there. But. Not much.

#TTRPGThings - Working more on the NPCs UwU lots of work. Might not be a session this week - Sir has some kind of class thing? It starts at like 8am, it’s a half hour drive, He’s gonna be there for like 4-6hrs and then drive back. He’s gonna be fuckin’ exhausted and worn out. But He says He might have an adrenaline rush or someshit idk. It’s gonna be wild being alone for that long... hrm. +0, up to 2242 words for the backstory! Didn’t get to write today, too distracted!✔

Watching things - - SAO Alicization: Season 2 - Episode 1/12! - Vancouver by Night: Season 1 - Episode 10/19! - New York by Night: Season 1 - Episode 8/8! T_T SEASON TWO NEXT WEEK AHHH - 100 Club: Episode 5/??! So... behind... oh no... x_x;

Other things - Daily Diarrhea Diary - Ehhh, okish. CPAP timer - 8.4 hours with 0.0 disturbances. Still at 7/9. No perioding. Migraine, mild abdominal pain, both ears ache, back and neck and spine and everything is HURT OW ugh, lungs kinda grungy. Stressed and still worried about things, but SIR HAS A JOB HECK YES, but oh no please don't let us get evicted oh no stress. But yes you read that correctly, Sir has a job! His job? To continue doing the same things that He’s been doing - only now He gets paid for it. Which... could be a fantastic thing! It... could also be a fucking terrible thing if that means we get kicked out. i adore this place and it’s the best we’ve ever had and i want to live here for the rest of my life. >_<; But, if He does get $10/hr (which is probably highballing it, lbrh, even though it is medical stuff, He’s not going to be that certified, so... ya know. Probably more like $9) but anyways at $10/hr we will still (kinda barely but will still) squeak under the limit for public housing. Phew. i’m still stressed about it omg. Bleh. Uhm. Watched the last... season? The last 4 episodes. Ye. Of MagiReco. And... i’m angy about it. i’m angy about how they ended it. Guess i’m going to have to go read all the translated shite for the MagiReco game chapters. >_<; However. That first episode though? The girl’s wishes?! Oh shit that feeds into my TTRPG so hard omg i didn’t even know. Fuck.

Food: A Liquid: A Pain: D Brain: C

Tomorrow: Laundry/cleaning, Reading, Dailies, #TTRPGThings, Watching.

Ever Onwards and Upwards!

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artsymeeshee · 3 years

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#gravity falls #stanley pines #stanford pines #stan twins #incorrect quotes #sea grunks #amalia the anomaly #my art #comic #sketches #baby amalia makes a comeback #sorry for no new art for like a week #work has been stressful x_x #queue

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beewitch · 2 years

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Hiiii

So..... It's been a while. But just like the bees that are warming up and getting ready for spring, the Bee Witch feels herself restless, in need to weave energy into magic, and coming out of her long, long hibernation.

What's been up with me? Work. Lots and lots of work for "the man" (aka, someone else). I'm actually not too mad about it, since I work for a non-profit veterinary clinic, have okay benefits, get to cuddle some adorable animals, and because I work 10 hour days, I get 3 days off a week.

The down sides... I work 10 hour days. Constantly moving around, working my ass off (literally lost over 20lbs doing this job without any change in my terrible eating habits), and though the pay is "good", it's still not good enough to live on my own in the area. Which is completely ridiculous. So I have very little freedom in my home life because I am currently trapped in my parents home until I can afford a place, or I hook up with a roommate. Which would be easy is I wasn't so introverted and didn't trust most people... <_<; And let's not forget, because the days are 10 hours long, I wake up at 5:00am, have to be at work by 6:45am, and I don't leave until 5:45am, and get home around 6:30. So on the days I work... I'm gone ALL day long.

Other than all that, not much has been happening other than a deep, dark spiral (thanks to my stressful work and lack of personal space), and some 420 usage (which is now completely legal in my state for adults so whoop whoop!) which has actually been quite helpful in keeping me level and helping me sleep at night (since I have to go to bed around 10-11pm, and I am naturally a night person.) Like all my little side notes? Annoyed yet? XD So now we're aall caught up, what's the Bee Witch up to now? Well... currently in the process of getting all my supplies to start up my Etsy shop again... (even though I know their system is kinda sucky, it allows people to search for items and can give exposure, so yeah... that's the option for now. If there are other options, let me know! I'm out of the loop x_x) I have many supplies... but since I'm at my parents, they are all buried in a very messy, full, overly crowded storage space that the movers packed terribly. I have attempted to retrieve the items, but without 2-3 other people, there's no way I'm getting anything out of the back of that unit. In trying, I already broke 2 things of mine that made me very upset (note: they were not super important things, but it was very upsetting for me due to the extreme frustration of the state of my storage unit.)

So, I have to get new supplies. Which is gonna take time, and money... So I hope to have my shop back up and running by the Summer Solstice (fingers crossed!)

I also hope to spend a little more time here, getting to see all the incredible things my long lost friends I haven't spoken to in oh so long have been getting up to.

So that's it.... ^_^; Um... Hi? And have a Bee-Witching Day! ^_^

#beewitch #update #etsy shop

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megaderping · 4 years

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Having another one of those anxiety-riddled days, and I hate it. :/ Anxious rambling below. Please don’t reblog.

I... have some weird traumas, tbh. A lot of gossiping and backtalking from when I was a kid has made me STUPID paranoid about people just. Not communicating and time and time again I’ve had to deal with some pretty awful crap like folks conspiring behind my back to get me removed from a server/community because I was “too soft” and “too sensitive”. Because apparently caring about the feelings of others and encouraging kindness is “sugarcoating” and that’s NO GOOD. Sure, it got resolved, but I still remember it and it still hurts. Because it’s happened so many times. People periodically taking their issues with me to other people instead of telling me so I can learn and improve on those behaviors- something I care a LOT about, tbh. Like, honestly. If I EVER say or do anything hurtful, or my work conveys an uncomfortable message, it’s okay to talk to me about it. Communication is so, SO crucial- and previous lack of communication honestly has me constantly second guessing everything I say and do. I’ve been gaslit in the past. I’ve been treated to passive aggressive jabs where people won’t just TELL me what it is wrong but you can tell something is. And the condescension. Good lord, the condescension. People talking to me like I’m a little kid... Awful. Absolutely awful. It’s happened to me at my JOB, even. That condescending tone when I say something that I guess was dense? Or something? I dunno. But it still stings. It reminds me of all the times it happened before. Just like the gossip. And the two-faced behaviors, being friendly to my face but wanting me to be “fucking destroyed”. I remember this one time a coworker humiliated me by, during break, telling me over the headset that I needed to move a cart and insisting I do it RIGHT AWAY... but by the time I got out there, he’d moved it all ready and was so smug about it. In general, I just tend to internalize a lot of these negative experiences, and then replay them in my head randomly. Usually when something tangentially reminds me of it. And the problem is... it’s hard not for me to take this stuff to heart. In January, I was harassed on a freaking virtual pet site of all things. It’s stupid, right? That I’d get so worked up over a silly game that’s long antiquated- it was petty and I should’ve just walked away. But the passive aggression and nasty messages I got, the accusations, the gossip...

It was seriously bad for my mental health because it reminded me of all the times from my childhood to the present I’ve had to deal with crap like that. So I can’t detach because my mind goes on this snowball of a tangent of all these bad memories. Which is also a problem, I think? That when something upsets me, instead of backing away, I just. Focus on the thing that’s upsetting me, which makes it worse. (This is the part where I acknowledge tumblr is so not a substitute for therapy. I don’t expect anyone here to have the answers, I just really need to vent.) I think another problem I have is just... this eagerness to please as many people as possible, which can lead to me being basically a doormat because I’m too scared to upset people thus too scared to take a definitive stance. Or I hide my feelings for fear of conflict. Which is stupid, I know. It’s important to be firm. And it’s not like I HAVEN’T been in the past- but sometimes getting to that point is scary. And my go-to response when people are mad is “it’s my fault,” which is probably not healthy either. I think it’s something that’s easily exploited. So often I get put into situations where I’m expected to mediate. And even though it’s stressful for me, I do it because I’m empathetic and care so much about how other people feel. It is SO hard for me to be like, “I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable getting involved.” It’s also just... hard when someone says something that bothers ME to like. Confront ‘em about that. It’s been an issue in the past- particularly since my server opened- where someone might say something offensive and I’d get intimidated instead of putting my foot down because I’d already been told repeatedly that I’m “too sensitive.” That it’s ‘censorship’ to ban certain terms that MULTIPLE friends and users deemed uncomfortable. That people need to “grow thicker skin”. Good lord, when we banned certain slurs, some people were OUTRAGED and tried to argue “but it’s not ACTUALLY a slur!!!” People getting miffed about our restrictions on overly offensive/edgy humor and toxicity. Maybe some folks need to “grow thicker skin.” Maybe I do, too. But I’m not gonna be a hardcase who disregards the feelings of people who trusted me enough to tell me that, hey, this is a very uncomfortable and hurtful term. Again, I honestly do care a lot about how other people think/feel to like... an overwhelming and probably unhealthy degree? But I just... think it’s important to be kind to others. And to me, getting angry because one community decides, hey, maybe don’t say something that is hurtful to a lot of the userbase is just... callous. And I know you can’t please everyone. That constantly worrying about other people’s opinions will only bring more stress- but at the same time, I also don’t want to be entirely dismissive. I want to accept that yes, I can make mistakes, and yes, I’m not perfect- but also make efforts to improve. But sometimes it’s just so hard to tell when it’s just my paranoia and when it is legitimately time to make an effort. Just... I dunno. This became a ramble with a lot of tangents. Kinda like my last big rant. x_x It really was a stream of consciousness thing, I guess.

#dorkvents #tw: bullying #tw: trauma #tw: anxiety #tw: abuse mention #tl;dr: communication is SO important and people aren't mindreaders #don't reblog #i'll be okay but i just needed to get some things off my chest #it's been a rough day

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due4amiracle · 2 years

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Day 436

Listo:

Laundry/cleaning, Reading, Dailies, #TTRPGThings, Watching.

Laundry/cleaning - A few things picked up here and there! ✔

Reading things - - 0 Ebooks for me, 1 Audiobook for Sir! ...Yea. 160 for the year, 10 for the month! - Juniper & Thorn by Ava Reid 4%! my ebook’s in~ ...Finally. - Legends (Kaliya Sahni #5) by K.N. Banet 35%! UwU♡ ✔✔

Dailies - - Waifu Did mah dailies! Also, level 25/50 BP now~! AND! Tree lvl 30/50! Also! 27/43 max friendship namecards acquired! New MONTH! new weeklies! Gem thingy now level 9/10! ♡ω♡✔ Kaeya!

#TTRPGThings - Session 1 has been scheduled for Wednesday! Hell yes. ✔

Watching things - - SAO Alicization. Episode 15&16! - - Vancouver by Night: Season 1 - Episode 8/19! - New York by Night: Season 1 - Episode 4/??! Oh my lawd that was A Lot! WHEW! - 100 Club: Episode 1/??!

Other things - Daily Diarrhea Diary - Mostly good. CPAP timer - 6.6 hours with .6 disturbances. Yep. Went to the appointment on such an auspicious note. And... sigh it really was such a shitshow. Not only did i get fussed for my lack of usage but. But! The sd card, apparently, stopped recording on the fucking 28th. Of last month. ~_~; So. That’s lovely. Ugh. And then, when it should have taken like 1 or 2 minutes to download, what was on the sd card took like almost 20 fuckin’ minutes. It was ridiculous. So. Had to go to the pharmacy we got the thing from and get a new card, have them look at everything, have them send over the inner recording from it to the doctor’s office. So, new appointment, once again, next friday! Yay! ~_~;;;;; Thankfully, since the pharmacy sent over everything, it’s gonna be a telehealth. So that’s lovely. But then on the 9th... Sigh. Sir’s been trying to get this waver thing worked out so He can get paid to take care of me. Gods know he deserves it and the money would be nice. But. On the 9th they’re gonna be sending someone here, to the house, to ??? inspect or something? idk. All i know is that it’s gonna take a fuckin’ hour, there’s gonna be someone in my house, and i’m stressed as shit about it. Blehhh. Got so much cleaning and organizing and whatnot to get done. x_x; But thankfully not only will it be my birthday (Monday!) but i’ll also be getting paid between now and then so we can get some red bull and really smash out the cleaning. Sigh. i’m just... so tired. x_x;

Food: A Liquid: A Pain: C Brain: C

Tomorrow: Laundry/cleaning, Reading, Dailies, #TTRPGThings, Watching.

Ever Onwards and Upwards!

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