#writer burnout is a real thing

[imaginedreamwrite]

Got an anon who joked they would report my blog

Got another anon telling me they were glad I’m not posting as much

Its likely the same anon, and they think me being a little rundown and burnt out is funny

#anon hate #anon hates me #writer burnout is a real thing #don’t be an asshole #anon is an asshole

[savage-rhi]

Mending Shadows // Chapter 33

Summary:

Y/N was a simple Scavenger of Lucis, until meeting a deadly blow at the hands of an infected creature. At the crossroads of death, they are found by Niflheim’s cryptic Chancellor with his own agenda. Now bonded to Ardyn Izunia, and tossed into the world of Niflheim, Y/N struggles to cope with their new life as an Imperial Icon all the while battling their feelings toward their fate and that of Ardyn’s.

Click here to read on AO3

Y/N’s mind was suspended in darkness. 

The passage of time was an elusive concept that slipped through their soul like grains of sand in an hourglass. There was no such thing as the external world. There was no Eos, no Niflheim, no Lucis, no Ardyn--only a void that unfolded with a surreal fluidity. Memories couldn’t plant their roots in this place. Nothing flourished here, except two things: presence, and song. 

Although not aware of themself, Y/N latched onto the melancholic tune that somehow wormed its way into the dark to meet them. The idea of colors slowly began to return in splotches of vibrant blues and purples and vibrated against the sound, creating hues beyond the spectrum of the waking world. Little by little, like a rock being polished by the waves of the ocean, imagination and existence blurred into an ethereal dance. 

A glimmer of light broke through Y/N’s eyelids. It tugged at the fringes of their awareness. Everything was blurry, but they could detect movement. Shapes wandered around their peripheral, and so did voices. They couldn’t make out what was being said, but felt… something. 

It was hard to put words to tone much less decipher the delicate touch that would occasionally glide across their face, squeezing their right hand when all ministrations were complete. The simple ritual was conducted by only what Y/N could perceive as an entity. Shortly thereafter, would the song emerge and play it’s gloomy notes. Though Y/N couldn’t comprehend the movement of time, they had a feeling the entity had done this on numerous occasions, and they felt warm at the thought that something beyond recognition regarded them. 

The process repeated itself many times over. Just as Y/N would be on the precipice of awakening, they’d fall back into dark shores. Only peering through when they once again could hear the dreary song, and watch as colors tried to choreograph it's energy. 

A chord struck and reverberated all through the void, and Y/N’s consciousness suddenly remembered the name of the music. 

Shiva’s Lament… 

Y/N felt themself once more peering out from the dark and taking a step back into the waking world. The corner of their eyes still heavy with fog, Y/N’s ears followed the poignant timbre of sound that felt both like a warm hug and a haunting cry. That’s when Y/N’s exhausted gaze fell upon Ardyn, watching as his body sway while he adjusted the bow against the strings of a violin. His fingertips delicately moved against the neck of the instrument to seamlessly connect notes that longed for each other’s company like lost lovers. 

Shiva’s Lament…Y/N repeated in mind, as the memory of their debut night in the Vixen carded its fingertips against their brain. Their eyes traveled over Ardyn with awe, for his hair looked like whisps of flames against a glow of light that emitted from his body. Y/N was surprised to see him without his jacket and scarves. He was dressed so casually that it went against his nature, but it never once took away how graceful Ardyn looked from Y/N’s point of view. 

Gods, he was so beautiful in the glow that words couldn’t describe it. If it were possible to move their limbs, Y/N would’ve reached out to him.

Like heartstrings being carefully tended to, Ardyn made the violin weep with such a soulful quality that Y/N could feel themself drifting back to sleep. They didn’t want to be lured back into the dark. No, they wanted to latch onto the flowing melody and let Ardyn guide them through the storm; like he had done at the wedding when they danced. Like how he carried them through Outpost 98. He was always there at that midpoint between life and death for Y/N. A personal reaper who offered some shreds of comfort before the finale. And like the grim itself coming to collect his toll, Y/N succumbed to Ardyn’s song and went back to the void. 

There was nothing but dreamless sleep for what felt like ages, and Y/N awoke once more but with a sharp gasp like a newborn babe taking in air for the first time. As Y/N adjusted to the world, their labored breaths became calm until there was a steady flow. They could no longer hear their pulse rattling inside their skull, and took this moment to gather everything around them. 

Niflheim…The familiar colors all throughout the room assured Y/N they were no longer in Altissa, but this wasn’t their usual sleeping quarters. The distinct smell of rich spices and musk was strong. They could feel it leeching out of the blankets that covered them. It wasn’t unpleasant by any stretch, but it added a layer of confusion to Y/N as they carefully rose up from the bed. 

As the blankets bundled around Y/N's waist, they noticed the black and red coloring of the sheets. This was Ardyn's bed. This was his scent.

Y/N dryly swallowed, and noticed they weren't alone. Slouched upon a chair a few feet away, Ardyn lay motionless. His arms and legs both crossed with his head leaning against the top rail. Soft strands of breath left his mouth, and Y/N adjusted and crawled on the mattress toward him. As Y/N got a better look, they noticed how wearied he was. More of the wrinkles around Ardyn's eyes were prominent as were dark circles. He looked as if he had stayed up for several nights in a row, and hadn't a moment of reprieve. Y/N wondered if he was sick, and the idea made their skin crawl as they worriedly searched him. It was so peculiar to see signs of stress in Ardyn's features, given he was permanently stuck in his thirties.

Sighing in relief at not seeing anything else, Y/N decided not to entertain the thought any further. They tried to remember how they ended up here, but alas nothing came forth. There was not a speck of a hint, minus how delicious the red velvet cinnamon rolls tasted in the morning after leaving the beach. Y/N felt that their mind was permanently on a dead television channel, akin to the annoying tingle of compressed nerves they felt down their arms and legs. 

“Gods be damned…” Y/N whispered.

Maybe after eating breakfast, everyone went back home. Maybe they had jetlag from riding the airship and needed to sleep it off. Maybe nothing nefarious happened. Maybe they had one too many drinks at the wedding and passed out. Maybe in their drunken state, they dreamt of swimming in the ocean with Ardyn. Maybe...

“We both know that’s a lie,” Y/N murmured to themself while they looked upon Ardyn’s sleeping form.

Whatever happened in Altissa, Y/N knew they had been out cold for a long time. Something had to have gone down, or Ardyn wouldn't have been here. Not like this. 

Growling out of frustration, Y/N could only recollect small fragments of seeing Ardyn playing the violin. With how blank their head felt, they wondered if perhaps that too was only a dream. A fleeting thought that sounded beautiful and offered them comfort during a near death experience. With how weak they were in body, it made sense to Y/N that their brain would latch onto something like that.

Y/N suddenly noticed an object that was sitting in Ardyn’s lap. Shifting their legs so that they were dangling off the bed, Y/N curiously observed the open leather bound book. Marks from what appeared to be pencil was scattered around on the pages, creating an image Y/N couldn't decipher from this angle. Wanting to get a better look, Y/N slowly stood up and stumbled while walking toward Ardyn. Their body quaked as gravity made itself known again. Gritting their teeth, Y/N shuffled toward the chair and thanked whatever was listening that they need only take a few steps forward. With each lift of their feet, Y/N's calves felt as if they had been crushed under rocks. As they drew close, Y/N evened out their breath and gently reached for the book, being mindful not to bump Ardyn all the while. 

With shaking fingertips, Y/N brought the book to their face and quietly observed. The first few pages were littered with intricate drawings of figures and faces. People Ardyn had no doubt seen around Niflheim, or maybe even somewhere from his past. The warm glow that drifted through the curtains nearby illuminated the drawings further. Free flowing gestures accentuated the little imperfections people naturally had. There was character to every face, and every limb as if Ardyn's mind was a camera that had taken several shots of people in motion. They were surprised that a hand pulled this feat, let alone that Ardyn had any artistic endeavor. 

“Wow,” Y/N smiled as they whispered to themself. 

Page after page was filled to the brim, and Y/N wondered if anyone knew about the Chancellor’s creative pursuits. Mid-thought, they flipped to the next page and froze. The subject jumped out at them immediately like a reflection out of time. Y/N was staring at themself. He had drawn a portrait of them. 

Mouth falling open, Y/N realized there was more than just one. Their eyes drifted from sketch to sketch, and as more was revealed, Y/N felt astonishment tightly grasp their heart. Disbelief danced on the edge of reason as Y/N flipped a few more pages, revealing more of themself. 

Ardyn had acquired every nuance of Y/N's persona with the stroke of a pencil. There were smiles and frowns, comedic poses, and moody postures. Moments of vulnerability that only the artist himself could've witnessed firsthand. Even among half finished doodles he had clearly given up on, their essence remained intact. All the while, the subject had been completely oblivious to how immersed the artist was as he captured quiet intensities and delicate manner. 

This somehow felt more intimate than coming across the contents of one's diary, and Y/N blushed as they forced themself back to the first page. 

The room suddenly felt warmer than usual as Y/N had a deeper understanding of Ardyn's observations of humans. Each sketch was a silent testimony to how he truly paid attention to all the little nuances most took for granted. It was scary how he could get into someone's head, let alone commit a wink or a grimace to memory via graphite and parchment. It also enamored Y/N, especially when they realized some of their portraits went as far back as their debut night. Disbelief and other emotions swirled inside of them, realizing these drawings captured unspoken feelings Ardyn kept hidden from the world. 

Biting the inside of their lip, Y/N winced out a weak grunt. Their stomach twisted in a painful knot. Dehydration finally clawed to the surface, and Y/N carefully put the sketchbook back in Ardyn’s lap before limping away to seek something to quench their thirst. 

Ardyn was lost in his own world between worlds. He didn’t register Y/N had awoken, nor was he disturbed by them tinkering with his sketchbook. Everything outside of his head wasn’t a matter of consequence. Not when he felt so weak to the point of entering a period of temporary hibernation. If Ardyn were aware, this would’ve been day three of this mini holiday he had unintentionally succumbed to. That being said, he had been granted anything but rest.

After the fiasco in Atlissa--and dealing with the political consequences of the event--Ardyn had long sought shelter amongst the whispering commentary of daemons and the poor unfortunate souls he had consumed ages ago. Their voices forged several paths before him as he combed through the past week and a half. He cut through memories of conversations, and meetings--putting them into boxes and categories he could summon at a later time.

In this dark space, Ardyn was also seeking answers to questions. Trying in vain to find a point in time where he perhaps mistook an event as insignificant. The first attack on the House of the Courts made perfect sense. The arrival of several Imperial fleets had pushed people past an already unstable edge with the betrothal to boot. Ardyn couldn’t fault the citizens of Accordo for that, for even he sympathized to a degree with their hatred toward the empire. It was easy for him to understand how the embers of men could grow into a forest fire, yet unlike a voracious flame, they didn’t get far without a clear sense of direction. However, he couldn’t let bygones be bygones with the secondary attack. Not when it was so personal that it dare felt insulting. 

A fleeting glimpse of a meeting Ardyn had with investigators tip toed around his conscious. It had been evaluated that the coup had been sprung by a Lucian faction soliciting aid from Accordo’s anti-imperialist groups to achieve an ulterior goal. Of course this faction was MedZin, and Ardyn ensured that little tidbit was expunged off official documentation via bribery of monetary gain.  Of course he spun a believable lie to Aldercapt and the Imperial Counsel, that this ensemble's primary objective was to cause upheaval and undermine the empires national relations. Of course Y/N and other Higher Imperials were targeted to deliver the message--and of course, Aldercapt was pissed off to no end. He spent a great deal verbally lashing out against the surviving ambassadors for not having the foresight to take better charge of security. 

Ardyn managed to sate Aldercapt's tempter tantrum, and settled down the unease amongst his colleagues with diplomatic solutions. He extinguished many fires that day, yet he couldn't put one to rest and that was the truth of the situation. That day of reckoning and bloodshed had been wasted on one simple task: to ensure Y/N's capture. 

A daemonic voice lulled Ardyn to another memory. While Verstael's associates checked to see if Y/N had imbued Tuti with the scourge, Ardyn had studiously interviewed her. The poor thing would live another day if she could get through her recent trauma. He thought the endeavor of a formal checkup was a pointless effort on Verstael's end, for Ardyn knew Y/N didn't have the capability of infecting humans. Not when he himself personally suppressed such an ability via influencing the hivemind--just like he had been doing to Y/N's memories. Making sure the locks had been well fortified. 

Through Tuti’s ramblings, Ardyn confirmed some long held suspicions about why Y/N was specifically targeted. MedZin, as far as they knew, believed Y/N to be Adagium and thus responsible for their main research facility being compromised. It was clear as day. After all, it was Ardyn himself who left a trail of bread crumbs to Y/N's feet, ensuring the fault for the damage would befall their reputation. He had put a target on their back to wash his hands clean of the sins he committed in Lucis during that time. By all accounts, Ardyn should've been ecstatic that his former nemeses weren't seeking him out, however, he felt anything but contentment. 

Y/N was supposed to be the lamb. A sacrifice to sate the sanguine tongue of Gods and bless him a boon to further his true path, and yet when it came time to reap the lamb for slaughter, Ardyn didn’t have the stomach for it. Like an impetuous child who couldn’t fathom barbaric acts, he had taken the innocent creature into his arms and ran away from responsibility, knowing full well he didn’t have the means to keep such a beast happy and healthy. His so called mercy was an act of selfishness that strayed him off the path of divine retribution. All because of one simple act of defiance. All because his heart led him astray, just as it did when he had taken the scourge into himself on behalf of the deep love he had for his people. 

Ardyn saw himself back on the beach in Altissa.  

Love… 

Aera flashed in his head. Her smile, and her blood. 

Look what that got you in the end… 

I warned you long ago Lucis Caelum, thou brings plenty of pain upon amongst himself. 

“The great Ifrit…what an honor to be graced by your riddles and mystery,” Ardyn’s mind bitterly spoke out into the void. While he couldn’t see him, Ardyn could sense the Inferniums spirit and how warm the atmosphere became. “I assume you’ve come to impart more vague threats?”

I take no honor in such intimidation despite thy hatred for thee. 

“How considerate,” Ardyn scoffed. “Our last encounter would suggest otherwise of your intentions.” 

Make no mistake, my wrath will be as swift as my flames when divine timing commences. You know of the purge within your veins unlocking me from this cage. How the scourge has grown weak to protect thee. It is not the king of light who will bring you peace, but I in the end due to mankind's tampering with nature. 

The serum… Ardyn held a belief in his gut the issue with Ifrit was connected to him getting jabbed long ago, and this confirmed all suspicion. He mused to himself at the irony, and didn’t know whether or not to despair or laugh. 

“Then why torture me with your very presence at this moment, shouldn’t you be saving that for your grand entrance when you take over my body?” Ardyn muttered. His eyes glanced around the endless dark, feeling out the vibrations of the hivemind and that of the god that dwelled inside of him. 

Your fear has called to me. 

“My fear?” 

The fear of profound loss. Thou dreads this depravation above mortality. 

“What are you, a shrink?” Ardyn sneered. His sarcastic quip did little to deter Ifrit’s expository as the god continued to speak through thought.

Through thee, I will seek thy own retributions toward mankind and the gods. At such time, I proclaim a hand will never lay upon the soul you miss. 

Ardyn glared and averted his gaze, feeling every fiber of his being--of his soul--wanting to lash out in blind fury. The god of eternal flame certainly knew where to hit a man when he was down, that much Ardyn gave Ifrit credit for. 

“Aera… my Aera is dead,” He muttered with sorrow. “No one can harm what’s gone. Not even the accursed gods can break a spirit beyond the astral realms. I took you as an entity of intelligence, not a mindless beast yet it seems I stand corrected.”

It is not the ancient oracle I speak of. 

Ardyn became dead silent. 

I shall grant thee this one kindness in memory of who thou once was. 

“You know nothing of my feelings!” 

Thy knows enough through your meddling in darkness. 

“Get out of my head!” Ardyn yelled. He suddenly felt the air become humid and felt his soul crawl as if it had been doused in flammable liquid. Through sudden surprise, Ardyn could sense that Ifrit was prepared to light the match. 

Enjoy domain over this god and darkness, Adagium. The end draws near, and I shall bask in the fires of my hatred for thee! 

The voices of daemons began to screech, rattled by Ifrit’s intrusion. The presence of the Infernium disappeared, but the temperature of his spirit remained, and Ardyn felt overheated. Like a runaway vehicle, the sensation slammed into him and shattered like glass. It was as if he had been stranded in a desert, and there was no oasis that would grant him reprieve. He couldn’t sate the pain in his body, nor how parched his mouth had become. However, absolution lay before Ardyn in the form of a blue void that would openly swallow him whole if he chose to dip his feet into the surf. 

The waves of the beach beckoned Ardyn to seek refuge. He could feel it drawing him in like how the very moon controlled the currents. Ardyn rushed into the tides just as he had done before in Altissa until he had fully submerged. Through darkness, he saw a warm glow illuminate the water around him. There were no facial features to be seen coming from this light, but he recognized this presence. He was safe here, so long as he swam forward. 

Y/N…

He woke up. 

Ardyn’s eyes nearly bulged as he shot upward from the chair. Panting in fright, he blinked several times. Every so often he glanced around to ensure he was fixed in reality, and not dwelling within the hivemind or elsewhere. When his body and mind no longer determined an incongruity, Ardyn rubbed his forehead and deeply sighed in relief. He felt his shoulders relax while he slouched further into the seat. 

For a moment Ardyn contemplated how long he had been in the dark. The thought was short lived as he did a double take of the bed, and saw Y/N was missing. His eyes widened as the link between himself and Y/N suddenly became reestablished. Memories and sensations that weren't his suddenly hit him all at once, and Ardyn nearly shouted as he gripped the arms of the chair to stabilize himself.

For several minutes, a rush like adrenaline filled Ardyn’s body from head to toe. He was overwhelmed, beyond stimulated for what felt like eternity until it came to a screeching halt. Through Y/N’s perspective, Ardyn witnessed them falling to the floor in the kitchen. He winced as if he had experienced this for himself.

As soon as he regained control of his own point of view, Ardyn jump into action. He tossed his sketchbook to the mattress nearby and sprinted, not caring if he bumped into anyone or anything. What mattered was meeting Y/N in the middle. What mattered most was seeing them awake and most importantly, alive. 

Once Ardyn ventured through the kitchen door, he came to a grinding stop. Y/N still remained on the ground several feet away, but they held up a hand for him to remain where he was. Confusion placated him as Ardyn raised a brow while catching his breath.

“You’re---”

“Awake, I know,” Y/N interrupted quietly. Their gaze fell to the ground as their body quivered. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I got hungry and came here. The scourge flared a moment ago and I slipped. I guess you felt that, or you wouldn’t have come in running. ” 

Ardyn took a few steps toward them. “Allow me help you back onto your feet.”

“No, no,” Y/N shook their head, their eyes finally peering up toward him as he stopped midway. There was a mutual look of solace, signifying both had missed one another to some capacity despite Y/N's reluctance. 

“Let me handle this, please.”

“Y/N--”

“Ardyn, please just let me have this.”

At first Ardyn was stumped. He couldn’t understand for the life of himself why Y/N was being stubborn. Defeatedly, Ardyn studied Y/N’s features. He noted how bloodshot their eyes were. How tears stained either side of their face. The way their skin both looked rejuvenated and stricken by disease as if trapped between limbo. He felt fear creep up in the form of assumption; worried that Y/N wasn’t out of the woods yet with their coma. However, he couldn’t allow himself to dwell. Not when there was another pressing issue he was contending with: a morbid curiosity if Y/N remembered anything. 

With careful eyes he quietly observed Y/N hobble to their feet, trying to resist the urge to catch them should they fall again. As soon as they stabled themself, did Ardyn speak up.

“It would seem the luster of your pride remains untarnished by your little two week respite.” 

“Was that Ancient Lucian or you talking fancy?” Y/N countered with a tired yet playful scoff. They faintly smiled seeing Ardyn trying to resist grinning at the witty remark. 

“I could put it into laymen’s terms for you?” Ardyn gestured. 

“And ruin your fun nitpicking my head? Nah, that’s not very sportsmanlike.” 

“Ah, a little cranial commentary never harmed anyone, right?” Ardyn chuckled. He let out a breath he had been holding in as repose briefly tangled him up. 

"I saw your sketchbook." Y/N murmured. 

"Beg your pardon?" 

"I didn't know you were an artist." Y/N reiterated, offering a small smile as compensation. 

"Oh," He was taken aback. The redirection having caught him off guard. "I wouldn't assign myself such a title..." 

"Don't be so humble." 

"Far from it," Ardyn mused. He felt his hands shake as his cheeks lightly flushed. He never expected to have been caught by anyone regarding his little hobby. His heart stammered as the recent sketches he had done of Y/N sleeping flashed in his head. Ardyn cleared his throat. "I take it you saw everything?" 

"I know I shouldn't have looked, but...curiosity got the better of me." Y/N shyly shrugged. 

"And?" 

Y/N noted his body tensed, as if bracing himself for a scolding hit. 

"You made me look prettier," Y/N began, reminiscing the few portraits that stood out to them and smiled. "Far more diplomatic than I deserve." 

"And here I spent many a night wondering if I tarnished your image." Ardyn quipped sarcastically. The small smirk he wore hid most of his fright like a shield. 

Y/N shook their head at him. "You can't tarnish what's already tainted."

Ardyn sighed. "Don't you find this sort of duress fatiguing?"

"When I'm around you most of the time, yeah." Y/N nodded, letting out a tired laugh as did he. 

Both became quiet as they felt the scourge sync them up further. The familiarity was a breath of fresh air, and either felt a dull ache had finally been satisfied. There were no words that needed to be spoken, for both felt the same relief as the other. 

“I’ve so dearly missed our little banters as of late.” Ardyn confessed quietly. 

“Me too, I think.” Y/N admitted, letting Ardyn's earlier proclamations sink in as they gulped. "Two weeks, huh?"

“Well, nearly two weeks I should say you’ve been out cold.” Ardyn corrected. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s been going on?” 

Ardyn cautiously gazed over Y/N’s form. “I harbor no desire to inundate you. Not in this condition.” 

He could see the frustration instantly come to Y/N’s face, and could sense a bottled tension Y/N had been holding onto for quite some time wanting to spill over. Reluctant to witness such a travesty unfold, Ardyn's mouth opened to speak and found himself surprised when Y/N softly interrupted him. 

“At least,” Y/N paused as their bottom lip trembled. The corners of their eyes brimmed with fresh tears. “At least tell me if Tuti is alright. I know…I know I tried to hurt her.”

"She's fine," Ardyn reassured with a nod. It became clear to him that while he had been in the throes of darkness, Ardyn had failed to keep a tight leash on Y/N's fragile state of mind. A plethora of curses came and went through his body as made an attempt to soften the blow. "Everyone is just fine."

“But I’m not…” Y/N sniffled, wiping their eyes. “I'm sorry. I know the last thing you need right now is to see me crying like this.”

His right hand reached out. “Y/N--”

“It all came back to me when I started eating,” Y/N interrupted. Their voice shook as they began to regale the intrusive memories that flooded them. “I popped a grape into my mouth, and the sudden squishy noise made it come back. All the bodies. The awful stench. How their skin felt sliding down my throat...I know what I did Ardyn. I know what I've done." 

"Let me stop you if only for a moment," Ardyn strongly implored. Keeping his eyes on theirs, Ardyn gently shook his head to emphasize his point. "No one knows what you've done. I've made it so. As far as the public is aware, you lost conscious from having hit your head on the way to the airships. The only souls who know the truth are the dear companions we've kept close, and for the record, Betrys and the Serpent Society--hell, Senator Rodrick and his bride, they've been nuisances wanting to know how you've been fairing. See for yourself in your chambers, it's filled with tributes wishing you well. There's no need to catastrophize."  

"You really think hearing that I received material goods is going to make me feel better?"

"You misconstrued my intention--"

"It doesn't matter," Y/N interrupted again. "There's no coming back from this. You know what the worst part it was? There was some part of me that was still aware, that enjoyed what I was doing to those people! I liked chasing Tuti. I liked it when I scared and then killed those people who tried to harm us. It wasn't my daemon, it wasn't the hivemind, it was all me! It was all me!" 

“Y/N, it’s not as simple as you’re making it out to be! I assure you---”

“Spare me! I should be rotting somewhere, not them! You can’t just---wave a hand and make this...this feeling go away, as you do when you’re dealing with matters as Chancellor! Ardyn, you can’t fix this! No matter how desperately I wish you could, and no matter how earnestly you yearn for it!"

Ardyn’s heart pounded as Y/N’s voice grew hoarse from screaming. The final yell broke them, for they devolved into pained sobs as he watched Y/N turn their back to him. No longer having the courage to look him in the eye, nor face what they had done any further. He flinched upon seeing Y/N weakly hit their head with their own hands until grief held back their self hatred. 

“I shouldn’t have waken up. I shouldn’t--” Y/N shoulders trembled. 

The air hung heavy with the weight of Y/N’s emotions, and Ardyn felt a palpable tension not only in the room but within his body. He was relieved that Y/N couldn’t recall their actions at Outpost 98, but he was quite disappointed in himself that he couldn’t lock away what had happened in Altissa. If only he hadn’t been distracted by Ifrit, of trying to seek answers in darkness, if only he had kept up his concentration, if only he had been more dutiful keeping watch over them in bed, if only…

There was no use. The damage had been done, but now came the tricky part: how to proceed.

Ardyn felt a compulsion to rush to Y/N’s side, but uncertainty held him back. He was caught between a desire to be a supportive presence, fear of encroaching on Y/N’s vulnerability, and wanting to leave Y/N on their own while they settled with their fright. This wasn’t his battle after all. He didn’t have a stake in Y/N’s guilt, but he knew there was no chance in six hells he was going to let that go. No. Not when he could feel the very essence of their humanity, reaching out through the scourge to be forgiven. 

Ardyn hesitated further. He swallowed hard as he began to feel his own emotions mirror the turmoil in the kitchen. Hands twitching nervously at his sides, he took a cautious step forward. The noise was enough to quiet Y/N down, if only for a second. Once the silence cemented for a time, did Ardyn let go. The words left him without a second thought.

“May I hold you?” He asked barely above a whisper. He had never felt this nervous or so resolutely inclined to act on such a powerful impulse. 

Y/N sniffled as their head turned to the side, giving a faint nod. The silent permission granted Ardyn the courage to close the distance between them.

As he approached Y/N, Ardyn placed a hand on their quaking shoulder. Initially startled, he felt emboldened to proceed. Slowly, his hands traveled down Y/N’s sides, securing a hold at their waist before enveloping them in a gentle embrace from behind. His touch was a delicate balance between assurance and tenderness, and he could feel Y/N melt little by little. The fragility he sensed in Y/N stirred a desire to shield them from further harm, to be a source of solace in the midst of uncertainty. He squeezed a little tighter, holding onto Y/N as if they were a fragile bird whose wings had been clipped. His nose softly pressed the back of Y/N's head as he breathed, acknowledging how much he had missed their scent. 

“You’re right,” Ardyn murmured. “You’re a menace. I can’t undo the past nor your actions, and yet I remain at your side.”

“Ardyn--”

“You speak so low of yourself it's utterly exhausting,” He bitterly whispered against their scalp. “I don't move men nor stars for anyone. Do you have any idea of how much I’ve sacrificed on your behalf, the lengths I've gone? Damn you. Damn you for mattering to me." 

"I can't--"

"We will get through this. That's one promise I can keep."

Y/N slowly turned around to face him. His arms still remained securely attached. 

Y/N sniffed while noting the contours of Ardyn's face. There was an unmistakable sadness that echoed in the depths of his golden hues. No amount of glaring nor putting on a strong front could hide it away. His vulnerability only grew when Y/N nonverbally acknowledged the unshed tears glistening in Ardyn's eyes. They had never seen him in such pain before, and it nearly snapped them out of their own melancholic trance. 

"Are you crying?" Y/N's voice trailed they watched Ardyn bite in the inside of his bottom lip. He visibly shook.

“I thought I lost...” He couldn’t finish the words. Not when the gods could so easily come to claim another soul he couldn't be without. His arms adjusted, giving Y/N the opportunity to part ways while a silent understanding was shared. As soon as Y/N reached a hand to touch his face, it was over. 

Y/N found themself reciprocating a tight hug as Ardyn brought their body to his chest and squeezed. His soft lips peppered the side of their forehead while he held them close, not having the courage to let go. 

#mending shadows #ardyn izunia #ardyn lucis caelum #ffxv ardyn #ardyn x reader #gender neutral reader #ffxv fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #ao3 link #ao3 writer #final fantasy xv #final fantasy xv ardyn #final fantasy xv fanfic #ff15 ardyn #ardyn izunia fanfic #JFC I FINALLY GOT THE FUCK OVER MYSELF AND FINISHED THIS ONE still not satisfied but sometimes you just gotta say fuck it #burnout for creative things has been real guys

[king-nyx]

Outlining all my 2024 projects so that I actually put out some of them (I will be changing titles)

A Tragedy in Three Parts

Nearly one chapter down

Phoebe 

Nearly two chapters down

RWRB au 

This one is for fun so I really just need to watch the movie again for it to be done. Might be a christmas release

Way too many one-shots

Marriage au :D hoping I finish it soon

#my problem is that I make way too overly complicated plots #the first two wips would have been done earlier #but the plot and characterisations are too complicated #writer burnout is real #the rising son #the season #trs #trs apollo #trs dionysus #ao3 #writer things #my wips #wip stuff #writblr

[virtie333]

Yes! Finished the first chapter of my latest WIP. It took quite a bit to get motivated to write again, but I'm really liking where my mind is taking me in the story. It's canonical, but just an old-fashioned romance (kind of like Sorgan). We're gonna get some jealousy and some flirting and maybe a bit of action (it always shows up when I least expect it), and of course the ever popular (at least for me) 'first time.' Not sure how smutty I'm gonna get with this one; I'll see what I feel like when I get to that point!

#damerey #jedipilot #poe x rey #fanfiction #my writing #burnout is real #writers block #writer things

[bmpmp3]

so i’ve always been of the opinion that the whole twist ending of Drawn to Life The Next Chapter is wack as HELL but i will say it is a bit of a power move to do an “it was all a dream” ending where the person dreaming isn’t even the perspective character. just some guy

#nowadays i see people praise that ending and im sorry. i think it was really narratively unsatisfying #i thought it was dumb as 10 year old and i think it still kinda dumb nearly 15 years later HKJDSFJRKF #i want to be kind and i dont mean to sound a little elitist but i wonder if people are blinded by a nostalgic thing having a dark twist #and thinking its well written because of that rip. like im sure its fine but i do think it kinda sucks ass LOL #but it is a little funny to have ur game be the dream of some random kid. and like the random kid is just like #a random kid even in his own dream. hello #imagine u played all of mario 2 but instead of it being mario's dream it was like. some 3rd grader named jeff #you dont even play as jeff or anything. he just shows up as like a toad for a little bit #real life is a banger tho #edit: actually the more i think about it. how depressed where these game designers when making both games honestly #like i dont mean this in a ouuuuhhhh its so dark ouuuuuhhhhhhh i mean like #a lot about these games now that i remember as an adult feels oddly like. bitter? #maybe its just the messaging in both games seems to be so at odds with the arts and crafts aspects of the gameplay #what does that video essayist call it. ludonarrative dissonance? yeah #but like where those game writers like. okay? the plotlines feel mildly like the product of some crazy game dev burnout

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/727841287119814656/ehh-generally-they-were-like-ask-specifics-about Can you expand on writer’s block not being real?

--

Sure!

I think everyone who's ever made art has hit points where it's hard to go on making art or where a particular project isn't moving. So from that perspective, sure, a version of it is real...

But there's a particular version of it that's what a lot of people mean where you're A Writer™ and then the magic inspiration gnomes come and steal your inspiration juice. This is mostly nonsense, and quite a few author types who've actually finished long projects will tell you so.

When you sit down to a blank page and it stubbornly stays blank like your head, that's a symptom of something... and the something in question is often either depression and overwhelmed feelings that are taking over your whole life or an entirely correct instinct that your project is flawed and the next step is not writing that next scene.

Many people try to be pantsers instead of planners, get maybe a quarter into a project, and then choke. It's because they started with the kind of concept that requires planning, but they haven't planned. If your plot revolves around the characters eventually learning the meaning of life, you'd damn well better start with what you, the author, think that meaning is and work backwards. Same if your characters are solving a twisty mystery or complicated thriller conspiracy: you will not come up with a genius idea that ties everything together just by writing by the seat of your pants. If you don't go in with the ending in mind and some waypoints to write towards, you're going to choke. This is exceptionally common in grandiose fic concepts that are like "What if this true blue hero were a viiiiillain, oooooh!" where it's neat, but 99% of the point is showing us the work of getting from A to B. People write the prologue showing us the big concept and then flash back to how it all started... and then stop.

I see it a lot in projects that start with a character sheet for RP. Yeah, for RP itself, noodling along and figuring out what X would do in situation Y is great fun... but for many longfic/novel plot types, you will not arrive at a workable plot this way. You'll end up with a mess that can, at best, be used as brainstorming and completely rewritten from the ground up, using only key cool images or character observations. There are authors that start from individual characters and then see where they go. In my experience, they don't tend to be working in the genres that fic fandom types tend to want to work in. It's also something that often takes a lot more experience and skill than starting with a basic plot outline, and inexperienced writers often overreach.

It's not writer's block. It's a project that needs to be taken out back like Old Yeller.

Even the salvageable projects that are making you pause usually have some other issue like you not being clear on the central emotional themes even if you've outlined some factual plot. Or you've demanded that your characters do a particular thing for plot convenience, but you know deep down that it doesn't ring true. You can't write the next scene because there is no next scene. You need to rework the forced part till the rest can make sense.

And even more common than any of the above is people thinking that just because Danielle Steel sits down every morning and writes for eight hours, that means they can and should with no warm up or experience. Trying to force yourself to be a type of writer you're not—majorly overdoing it on any work, in fact—just leads to burnout and inability to function.

[dreamgrlarchive]

How do you deal with burnout?

Rest and Recovery 🎀

when feeling worn out and deflated it’s so crucial to prioritize revitalization. burnout is real and is critical to mental health.

recovering from burnout is different depending on what exactly you’re burnt out on (ex. work, school, family, friends, hobbies, relationship)

for example: tumblr is one thing i feel burnout from often. from anons, to writers block i often get drained from the platform. i remedy this by putting the app down and only returning when i have an idea. constantly scrolling and looking for inspiration doesn’t work. i have to see inspo in real life.

so i say that to say you cure burnout from optional activities by simply taking a break.

now for things that aren’t so optional like school or work, i recommend seeking help. talking to someone (employer, counselor, teacher/professor) for assistance.

in high school i was EXTREMELY drained from my algebra 2 class. before allowing myself to slip i emailed my teacher telling her that i was simply lacking the energy it took to retain the info she was teaching and she and i laid out a comprehensive plan for my success. i was given small extensions for homework assignments, we met once a week for a few weeks, and on the time i took away from that class i honed in on my other classes. i had to ease my way back into productivity. i got an A in the class.

my point is you can’t skip out on things that are crucial to your well being so you have to seek help. closed mouths don’t get fed and when you’re showing concern, people are more apt to help you.

now for people and relationships, i’m still learning my way around this. when i’m feeling overwhelmed by the maintenance it takes, i try to speak up.

“hey i’m just a little drained and overwhelmed with life right now so i won’t be around as much but i’m okay and i’ll be coming back. don’t worry nothing has changed. i love you 💗”

is something i’ve said in the past. taking breaks in relationships (with tangible expectations and parameters) can be good (platonic, familial, or romantic). if you tell your bestie you need about a week to focus on other things and recoup, and you disappear for three weeks with no word, she now has reason to worry (about your well-being, about the friendship and your reliability). so set standards and stick to them but if you attempt this and are met with harsh backlash, maybe this person isn’t mature enough or respectful enough or is too self centered (none of which make them a bad person) to be around you right now. and that isn’t your issue.

and finally, if you’re feeling burnout from yourself (self maintenance, hobbies, etc.) TAKE A BREAK. i’ve gone through phases where i can’t do my makeup and hair because i’m so mentally tired. it’s normal and it doesn’t make you less than. focus on necessities during times like this. essentials are all we really need so make sure you’re not skimping on hygiene and nutrition and you’ll eventually fall back into a routine that works for you. it’s about not forcing it when you know you can’t mentally handle it.

in conclusion please just be kind to yourself. give yourself the grace you need to get back to normal living. you deserve it

xoxo,

-Dreamgrl

#burnout #dream girl journey #my posts #self help #answered #dream girl wellness

[chiriwritesstuff]

An Apology, Reflection, Staying true to yourself, and Some News: Updates on 'The Girl in IT' and 'My Wife in IT'

Hey Guys.

I owe you all a huge apology. It's been a rough ride lately, and I want to take a moment to explain what's been going on. I think it's important to have this conversation, even if it scares the shit out of me. So, before I dive in, I want to say sorry in advance for what I'm about to share.

Firstly, I want to say sorry for my absence. Back in February, I got hit with a nasty virus right when 'The Girl in IT' was really taking off. Seeing the story gain traction was incredible, but it also came with its own set of challenges. Suddenly, I was getting hundreds of notes instead of the usual handful, and it was overwhelming, to say the least.

At the end of the day, I'm just like anyone else – human. I write because it's a passion of mine, but I also want to create something that resonates with all of you. However, in the pursuit of trying to make everyone happy, it's easy to lose sight of your own vision. That's exactly what happened with 'The Girl in IT'. I got so caught up in trying to cater to my self-created expectations that I lost touch with what I originally wanted Sugar's journey to be. Adapting to all the changes I've made from the original story became a real challenge for me, and I just... felt so lost.

Then came the burnout. After being sick, I hit a wall. I just couldn't find the energy or motivation to write, no matter how hard I tried. Burnout is real, guys, and it's something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

The turning point in all of this coincided with a major plot development in 'The Girl in IT'. Originally, my intention was to shed light on PCOS and its painful realities. However, in my eagerness to please what I thought everyone wanted and to avoid delving too deeply into darker themes, I ended up complicating matters for myself.

Enter 'My Wife in IT'. I had a clear timeline in mind for Joel and Sugar's relationship progression, but the unexpected turn of events forced me to rethink my plans. This had a ripple effect on 'My Wife in IT', leaving me facing a significant roadblock. I started to hate everything I attempted to write for Wife, and it didn't feel right to post something I wasn't 100% okay with.

I really want to take the time to emphasize that this is no one's fault but my own.

But here's the thing – I'm not giving up. I'm taking this as a learning experience and using it to grow as a writer and as a person. Which brings me to the big news...

I've decided to go back and rework the last few chapters of 'The Girl in IT' to align with my original vision. Think of it as 'The Girl in IT: Christine's Version'. But don't worry – we'll still get our happy ending. And once that's done, I'll be diving headfirst into 'My Wife in IT'.

I want to take a moment to apologize for any disappointment or frustration this may have caused. Looking back, I realize that I lost sight of staying true to myself and the story I wanted to tell. I got caught up in the numbers and metrics, instead of focusing on what truly mattered – telling a story that resonated with me and hopefully with you, too.

I want to express how incredibly thankful I am for all the love and support you've shown Joel and Sugar. Your encouragement has been like a beacon of light, guiding me through this journey. But you know, sometimes life throws us curveballs, and I've realized that I owe it to Joel and Sugar, and to all of you, to stay true to the story I set out to tell from the very beginning.

I'm truly sorry for any bumps in the road or delays that may have caused frustration. Your understanding means the world to me. Thanks for being there, for listening, and for being a part of this adventure with me. Hopefully, you'll love what I have planned for Joel and Sugar... for real, this time.

#on writing #the girl in IT #my wife in IT #please dont hate me #joel miller fanfiction

[chemicallywrit]

Happy Audio Drama Sunday! What a week! Let's talk about audio drama!

⏰ Nine To Midnight has its own feed now, which I appreciate, as a listener to many of the involved pods, because I didn't get like six iterations of the show in my feed. I did have to go seek it out though, but I'm so glad I did. These stories!!! These STORIES. The second episode in particular stuck out, just banger after banger. Also, what's up David Ault! Always fun to watch David Ault flex.

😈 Dungeons and Daddies this week was on the short side, but woof. I. Love. The Stamplers. I love them. I love you Ron Stampler and Terry Jr. Stampler and Scary Terri Marlowe Stampler. They are ridiculous and excellent. Honestly though, their wonderful energy was just the prelude to the truly heartbreaking Close clan. These boys are so deep in denial they ought to be worried about the bends. Yikes. I'm really looking forward to watching them try to save hell and make up for lost time.

⚡️ Electromancy! Of COURSE it's all happening at the dance. What kind of school story would this be if everything wasn't going to go down at the dance? Like with all fantasy about young people, I love the mixture of extremely high stakes (colonialism and revolution) and extremely low stakes (but what am I going to WEAR). I can't wait for part two. @electromancypodcast

👟 Keep It Steady!!! New episode of Keep It Steady! Our teenage burnout is faced with the mortifying ordeal of having real friends who love him, which is a wild thing for a teen to have to accept when he has zero self esteem. And then on top of everything, he gets concussed! My boy! @keepitsteadypod

⚖️ The Adventure Zone Imbalance has appeared on the feed, which is a relief to me, a person who hates listening to things on youtube. And Davenport is there! My main man! If y'all need to know anything about me, it's that I love Davenport. I missed these guys so much.

🚀 Travelling Light is a new show from @monstrousproductions, and I am THRILLED. I love a travelogue, I love a character with ties to religion, I love a warm scifi show, I love a recipe. I know from their tumblr that the writer and narrator of this show is Quaker, which is a tradition I'm not very familiar with, so I'm interested to see how that perspective influences this story. It's just so NICE.

👻 I started listening to Magenta Presents this week, in an effort to listen to everything Lindsay Sharman has ever done, and this is spooky. Beth Eyre is always a treat to listen to, and Lucy Roslyn, whose work I am not familiar with, is also a fantastic actor. They have great chemistry. I love a true ghost story, and I love a protagonist who feels like she's slowly losing her mind. @longcatmedia

🪓 I've finally arrived at the bit of Woe.Begone where other actors are showing up, and surprise! It's David Ault again! He's everywhere! I haven't interacted with fans of this show, so I had no idea, and apparently fans hate his character. To be fair, I did too, but now David's here doing the voice, and it's so much WORSE. Well done, David.

🍕 I finished s1 of Gastronaut and started s2, and I find myself enamored with this guy, coming from a place of relative privilege, tearing his preconceptions apart with a fork and a knife. The writing is lush, the story is fascinating, and it really hits the spot for me of "moody thoughtful nonfiction." I love it so much. I can't believe there are only two seasons. How dare they. (I trust them though.)

🧛🏻‍♀️ Re: Dracula is done, and we have announced Carmilla! My role in Carmilla will be less than it was for Drac, but I'm still very excited to get in on making this story. It's going to be amazing.

🧟‍♂️ The Dead's second episode has appeared, and I am continually impressed with the people I work with. What a death scene from Marquis Moore! What good acting from Brandon Nguyen! They are a joy to direct.

As for me, I'm about to start getting Inn Between ready to post! Are you hype? I'm hype. If you like what I do and want to give me a hand, please check out my ko-fi!

See you next week!

#audio drama sunday #audio drama #audio fiction #fiction podcast #freaking podcasts

[reimenaashelyee]

Clean version here

Not a bingo but a jenga. My responses below the cut

Somehow I have half of this image filled out. I wish I could cash it in for points to redeem.

Jenga:

First comic is a magnum opus: There had been a string of graphic novel adaptations of books I wanted do when I as a young teenager, but The World in Deeper Inspection was my first, substantial, original behemoth of an idea. It was the only one with the power and the potential to stay and push me to become a comics creator. Everything I am and have as an artist and writer is because of TWIDI.

Fan art more popular than OCs: This was going to be inevitable because I hardly ever post about them online. But I suppose if you count my one-off character design illustrations that go viral or my published graphic novels, this box wouldn’t be true… (The God of Arepo is my most popular fan work)

I binged your life’s work in 2 hours: I am glad you like my work enough to be this engrossed in it – but honestly please please reread it again and SLOWLY so you can appreciate the visual storytelling – not just the words and the main action!! You’ll have a fuller experience if you take the time to luxuriate!!

This isn’t even my day job: It both is and isn’t. I do enough from comics that I can survive out of it near full time (thanks to my usual speed; very grateful), but I get financial stability from the monthly paycheck from the actual day job. Relying on my speed to produce near-constant output for money is something I am losing interest in as my ideas become more ambitious and niche.

Subscribe to my Patreon: Somehow I am able to hawk my free-to-read platforms with a certain amount of success but never can get a big dent on my Ko-fi.

Received unsolicited critique on a free comic: Unavoidable reality. Though I hadn’t had something egregious in a long time (and it better stay that way).

Had to explain what a webcomic even is to someone IRL: Nearly all the people I surround myself with are ‘normies’ (people who aren’t so online and/or don’t read online media), so this comes up often – and it will become more frequent as I pursue institutional pathways like residencies and grants. Even if they knew what webcomics were, it would be under the name of webtoons.

I can’t wait to draw this scene in 4 years: lol @ Alexander Comic and TWIDI

Multi-year hiatus: TWIDI’s eternal curse, until I figure out how to build enough stability in my career/life to return to it – full-time and for real.

Financially supported by someone else: My dayjob, mainly, but previously my parents.

Is somehow mutuals with favourite artist: That’s what it’s like as your career progresses and matures! It’s always nice to become peers with those you admire – especially the ones you grow to love only after knowing them.

Characters get gayer over time: Growing up and being able to witness the various ways of living can and will change how one approaches their characters.

Successfully fulfilled a Kickstarter: Not on my own, but I had a few for my books that published smoothly.

Empty space:

ADHD diagnosis: I have ADHD-esque behaviours that I have managed to overcome with ADHD-specific hacks, but whether I actually have the thing itself is a question mark. I lean towards not really having it since I am able to execute and complete tasks regularly.

Works in animation or went to school for it: I used to want to study and work in animation before I discovered the potential of comics as a storytelling medium. I don’t have a desire to break into that industry, even without all the employment and late-capitalism instability that it’s going through right now. I am not averse to trying if asked, however.

Had an art teacher who hated anime: Never went to art school.

Yes I’ve had burnout but what about second burnout: Currently going through a fallow period, but I really don’t think it’s Burnout Burnout. Touch wood, I continue to maintain my love, interest and desire to make comics and stay in my artistic career.

Forgot how to draw main character’s face: Characters are so seared into my brain, it’s not easy to forget. Helps that they each have particular quirks that belong to their design.

This comic gave me my hand/wrist injury: Still out here WITHOUT any of those. I hope I can keep it that way until whenever I retire.

Emergency commissions: Hopefully I will never have to resort to do this. (Very grateful, yes)

Sleep… “schedule”? my 7-8 hours of sleep is essential and non-negotiable.

If it’s not 3 hours long is it even worth adding to the work playlist: This is is referring to video essays I guess? I rarely ever encounter essays of over 3 hours that I am interested enough to watch. (Also I can’t really watch something while drawing; I lose speed/concentration)

Embarrassed to look at early pages: Not embarrassed – I was younger and less-skilled then, that’s just how it is. There were a lot of things younger me did that I could still learn from.

Regrets costume choices: I pride myself in being able to style myself and my characters, and so far I have never regretted the clothes I give my characters – the TWIDI characters all have base outfits from when I was 15!

#artist meme

[mortispoxi]

After taking the time to really sit and process the roller coaster of information that was the recent People Make Games video about the drama surrounding Studio ZA/UM, I wanted to make this post to go over some of my thoughts that I had about the video. If you have not watched the video but are curious what people are saying about it or you have and you want to read someone else’s perspective, then I invite you to read through as I babble incoherently.

Overall, I thought it provided an interesting, in-depth look at the timeline of events leading up to Kurvitz, Rostov, and Hindpere’s dismissals while also giving us a proper inside scoop to the interpersonal relationships of both the former and current Studio ZA/UM employees. However, I do think the video has a couple of problems specifically with the way some of the information is presented on top of the fact that it loses focus partway through from the real issue which is the alleged fraud that took place by the investors to acquire the majority share within the company.

A big problem that I had with the video was the way in which Kurvitz behavior and final statement are disproportionately framed in the narrative. Now I am not about to go on a lengthy rant to dismiss everything Robert Kurvitz did to his friends during his time at the studio. In fact, the thing that I really liked about this video was how Chris Bratt, the writer and interviewer, holds no punches when it comes to the accusations of misconduct we heard from current Studio ZA/UM employees against him. Instead, I think it needs to be addressed that Bratt left out background context, whether intentionally or unintentionally I do not want to speculate, that could potentially explain what happened to everyone leading up to the expulsions to make Kurvitz appear far worse than how he might’ve been. I fully believe every word Argo Tuulik, Kaspar Tamsula, and Petteri Sulonen has said about working under Kurvitz and his inner circle so by piecing together all their statements to create a timeline of events the investors start to look far less innocent than how they portray themselves to be in the video.

It’s abundantly clear that Kurvitz was notoriously hard to work with. However, what’s also clear was the tremendous amount of stress everyone was under while also still being in the throes of burnout after working on the game nonstop for months. I think the investors (Kender, Haavel, and Kompus) purposefully set the team up for failure by creating impossible deadlines without informing the writers, approving Kurvitz and his inner circle to take time off while disallowing the others from taking theirs, and attempting to restructure the company in preparation to franchise Disco Elysium against Kurvitz wishes and thus he felt scared enough to push for his role to be de facto creative leader anywhere he could. What seems to be three full years of forcing everyone to crunch, miscommunicating when important deadlines were, setting impossible work standards to meet, and readying themselves to snatch more power within the company may have helped sow the seeds of animosity the writers began growing towards one another.

All of this is nothing new for those of us who have been keeping an eye on the drama from the start. We were told long in advance by the likes of Martin Luiga, who although left the project early on has been friends and worked alongside him for the better part of two decades, that Kurvitz possesses less than stellar leadership skills and that there was no merit in what the investors would end up accusing him of doing to warrant his dismissal. That confirmation was given long before the release of the PMG video and cements the idea in my mind that perhaps Kurvitz erratic behavior that was described by the current Studio ZA/UM employees was not the cause but rather a symptom of a much larger problem happening around him (i.e. a toxic work environment brought on by the investors using manipulation tactics to further stress and cause resentment amongst the collective). Yes, Kurvitz was at times uncooperative and dismissive towards his fellow employees, but this aspect of his character and the situation was played up to be a far greater problem in the PMG video than what the context suggests. I’m also inclined to believe this interpretation because Argo Tuulik, despite having legitimate, unresolved issues with his friend, does still regard Kurvitz very highly and even believes that he should still have artistic access to Elysium.  

When you think about it from this perspective, it makes perfect sense as to why Kurvitz was acting erratically around his fellow coworkers who eventually lashed out at him. On top of Kurvitz’s subpar leadership skills, he clearly was rapidly losing control of the situation which caused a great amount of stress for everybody involved as he scrambled in every which way to hold onto his position within the studio. It does not surprise me when it’s admitted by Sulonen that Kurvitz was thinking of taking the source code to potentially start over with a newly founded company since the situation was rapidly deteriorating and everyone was getting more and more frustrated with him and his inner circle. The impossible working conditions they found themselves in was a pressure cooker for the animosity and resentment building within the disillusioned group. Clearly the investors made their workers run themselves ragged in order to divide everyone and make it easier for them to take advantage of Kurvitz’s now frequent outbursts to finally push him out of their way.

Everything that I’ve said above can easily be discerned from the context clues found in the interviews from the current and former ZA/UM members. Which if you think about it is an unfortunate statement because Bratt does not seem to register the complaints of mismanagement by the hands of the investors from either side and instead only points the spotlight at Kurvitz’s past transgressions. What I am describing is one of the major issues I have with the PMG video. The video talking about the ongoing legal battle to determine if corporate fraud took place seemed to disproportionately focus on the problems Kurvitz and his inner circle had with other team members and not issuing a public apology to his former colleagues. Now that doesn’t sound all too bad on paper, right? If Kurvitz apologized, it could help begin the healing process and make for a good closer for the video. Well, that’s where the problem comes into play because Kurvitz response to Bratt’s request for comment regarding what Tuulik, Tamsalu, and Sulonen said about his poor conduct should not come as a surprise to anyone who had been paying attention. In the video, Bratt hails the email Kurvitz sent back to him as arrogant and dismissive which he then uses to accuse him of not standing with his fellow workers in solidarity and not taking accountability for his actions. However, right at the start of his interview, Kurvitz informs Bratt that at the behest of his lawyers he does not want the full interview to be published as they are worried Studio ZA/UM might take something he said as an admission of guilt and use it against him in a court of law. Therefore, when asked to comment about what his former colleagues said about him, he fires back an email that basically says that he wants the focus to be on the thing that really matters, the lawsuits and the shady activities of the investors. Bratt, clearly not liking his response, decided to attack his statement even though had Kurvitz given PMG what they wanted he could potentially be incriminating himself. Whether he denies or fully understands that his actions hurt others, the way he responded is 100% justified and did not deserve the level of vitriol he got from both Bratt and the public. It seems like a double standard that Ilmar Kompus can deny answering a question by claiming he cannot comment due to the ongoing lawsuit during his interview but when Kurvitz does it for the exact same reasons he is attacked. Again, Kurvitz is fully responsible to rectify the hurt he caused others but legally he’s in the clear and Bratt seemed to purposely neglect that aspect of the ongoing narrative.

Now, I’m not about to pull a whole reddit conspiracy in my write up. I do believe Chris Bratt, who directed this video, went into this with the very best of intentions to tell the full story with an emphasis on the workers who were affected by the situation. However, the problems that I’ve listed above make me worry what will be the takeaway from someone who is only a casual observer of the ZA/UM situation. Personally, I have been following this from the beginning so I’ve had a lot of time to develop my own insight into things but that’s usually not the case for most people. What I’m concerned about is whether Bratt may have unintentionally furthered the investors narrative by pushing people’s focus away from themselves and onto Kurvitz who has largely had the support of fans and outside viewers up until this point. Studio ZA/UM as it stands is desperate for a leg up in the PR battle it’s had with Kurvitz since October 1st, 2022. They lost so much support once the announcement was made that Kurvitz and his inner circle had been terminated, and lost even more upon the release of collage mode, that it makes logical sense that they want more people to be on their side so when the time comes for the studio to announce another game their reviews and sales numbers won’t immediately be tanked by angry fans. So, the fact that this video seemingly only held its focus on the misgivings of Kurvitz closing statement and personality instead of what is actually being fought over, alleged corporate fraud and theft of IP, may have unwittingly handed the investors that distraction that they have been looking for. Since the release of this video, I’ve seen an unfortunate mix of people arguing over the ethics of the situation, those switching sides to now support the studio, and outright calling for Kurvitz to lose the right to access his life’s work. This is not the outcome me and many other like minded fans want to see from this mess. At the end of the day, Elysium is Robert Kurvitz’s life work, and he deserves a chance to legally regain those rights even if he is a prideful and arrogant person. His personality should not dictate whether he is allowed to prove in a court of law that the investors took something that isn’t theirs. Bratt’s well-meaning but deeply misguided efforts to report on the ZA/UM situation may have done more harm than good. I consider this to be the biggest flaw of the video and the reason why the contents ultimately did not sit right with me despite the accuracy and importance of the reporting.  

Just as a quick reminder for those who aren’t entirely up to speed or want a refresher, the reason why Kurvitz and Studio ZA/UM are fighting over the IP rights in the first place started when Kurvitz was promised by the investors that if he signed over the rights to Elysium and his book he would eventually be able to buy back a portion of the shares to the company and upon release of the sequel buy back even more. At no point was anyone supposed to possess a majority percent of the shares in the company to remain equitable amongst all participants. So, Kurvitz signed this contract under the assumption that the investors would hold up their end of the bargain while in the short term he would get the funding needed to complete the rest of the game. Unfortunately, when Margus Linnamäe left his position within the company, Ilmar Kompus agreed to buy him out of his share allegedly using the money intended to produce the sequel thus acquiring the majority share which tipped the balance of power. Now, the IP rights are currently held by the company YESSIRNOSIR Ltd. which no one holds shares of but is still owned and controlled by sources within Studio ZA/UM. The lawsuit itself is Kurvitz claiming that the way Kompus bought into the majority share of the company was done illegally and should he be able to prove in a court of law that fraud took place it would immediately delegitimize and invalidate Kompus’s control which would then give Kurvitz and Rostov a chance to reclaim power along with all the subsidiaries of the company which includes YESSIRNOSIR Ltd.

From the way I saw it, it certainly felt like Bratt went out of his way to put blame on the deteriorating work environment and splintering of a two-decade old artist collective squarely on Robert Kurvitz shoulders. If I were to speculate, I think in his anger after not receiving the conclusion he had been hoping for from his interviewee, Bratt refused to acknowledge the very real fact that his hands are legally tied with the things that he can publicly talk about which had the unintentional consequence of villainizing Kurvitz. Bratt is still correct in his assessment that Kurvitz is arrogant and people were hurt by his actions but whether intentional or not misrepresenting how much Kurvitz and his inner circle was responsible for the strife while neglecting to even acknowledge the amount of meddling the investors were doing behind the scenes only detracts from his argument and puts into question who he’s really representing in his video.

#disco elysium #za/um #studio za/um #robert kurvitz #people make games #my thoughts #'kurvtiz was a shitty boss' and 'kurvtiz didn't deserve to have his shit stolen from him' are two statements that can coexist #i don't condone his actions but I do think they didn't just come out of a vacuum #cause if it was just his bad behavior that got him dismissed it doesn't explain why Rostov and Hindpere were fired along with him #it's just weird to me that pmg didn't think to question if the investors might've been the ones to kick off the chain of events #yes yes I know this is meandering but this is a ramble post so it was never gonna be concise in the first place #mp

[lowkeyrobin]

Hello I was wondering if you’d be able to write a Ranboo x Gender neutral reader, and they both just got into a heated argument that left them both crying (only if you’re comfortable with writing something like this, I’d not I completely understand, also thank you for your concern, I really appreciate it) :)

honestly struggled to find smthn to make an argument out of but I think I got something! oneshots are a little difficult for me bc I get burned out and I think the actions but can't find the right words LMAOOOO ; but this is totally find to request dw!! and of course, if you ever need to talk my messages are always open 🫶🫶🫶 ; also istg I have other ranboo headers they're just in my drafts bc I've only been working on reqs lately LMFAO

RANBOO ; burnout

summary ; youre both burned out and stressed, and take it out on each other

warnings ; language, fighting, reader is described/talked about as a writer, angry mischaracterization (it makes sense in context trust me)

word count ; 1.4k

masterlist

Both you and Ranboo had been working your asses off recently.

They had themselves so tied down to content creation that it was becoming a personal prison cell. It was like everything he did was only to appease his fans, and he didn't know how to just calm down and slow things down for his well being. From the constant, long streams to the talks with merch and production teams, it never ended. Plus, the infinite cycle of scrolling online to see all the hate they received, it was becoming too much.

You, on the other hand, constantly kept working and working through the lack of motivation and burnout with no breaks. No matter how much people reassured you that you could take a break and you didn't have to stick to a schedule, it didn't do anything. You were determined to fill out each and every request even if you barely had any idea what you were doing, you'd stay up late trying to block out what to write and how to put it into words to appease your followers. Three times a day, seven days a week, every day of the month, about 2000 posts a year, if you kept that up.

You were dedicated to writing, you loved it, and you loved that you were able to turn something you loved into a job considering "real" jobs didn't work out for you. You had streaming, but you only did that if you were writing or needed ideas or help every once in a while and wanted to share any progress and whatnot. Your eyes tended to be bloodshot on the regular, being pulled down by saggy, dark eyebags.

You trudge into the kitchen, taking a cold bowl of mac and cheese and some water back to your office with you. Ranboo glares at you from the couch, holding his phone to his ear as he talks to some big guy with money, most likely. He doesn't say anything, but you notice the look on his face, his eyes glaring daggers into you as you walk away.

You sit back down at your chair, not even touching your food. You stare at the screen, your eyes slightly protected by the dark mode you'd reinforced on the website. Your mind was blank, empty, vacant, muddled. There were no thoughts behind your glazed eyes.

Your head pounded in pain, caused by all the blue light absorption you'd been taking in recently. God, Ran hated that. How you'd fucking complain of a headache and only do everything to worsen it. It pissed him off. It made him want to yell at you to just shut up about it, considering you didn't want to do anything to help yourself.

You type away at the keyboard once more, every button press causing a little click or clack to immerse from it. The keys light up a particular shade of white, a smooth wave like pattern glazing across it once more. You stop again, unable to finish the sentence once more.

You groan and lean back in your seat, feeling the utter disgust around you. You oh so desperately needed to sit in the shower and cry, considering your stress and pain, but you couldn't. You needed to make these people happy, you owed them. You owed them for giving you a stable job and a roof over your head, the least you could do was have their requests out within a few days.

You sit and ponder about your partner. You were sure there was no love left anymore. Both of you were too financially dependent on one another to up and leave, so it had to work for now.

Ranboo, now not on the phone, nearly slams the door of your office open, smelling the ice cold pasta you hadn't even touched a few feet away. He's quick to raise his voice with a stern tone, pissed off at you once again.

"Dude, I told you dinner was ready an hour ago, what the fuck? And then you just bring it in here and don't even touch it just to stare at the damn screen some more? Are you fucking kidding?"

You roll your eyes, not wanting to deal with this again. "Fuck's it matter? This is my job, Ranboo"

"Your job isn't to please everyone who acts nice to you. Your job is to write quality content and not complain about burning yourself out or headaches that you could easily solve by touching grass! Go outside, this isn't even a job. You don't do anything other than write some stupid fantasy all day and feed into people's delusions, Y/n!" He quickly rants, scoffing at the end.

"Holy shit, you're one to talk! Meh meh, meh, I'm so miserable, and I do all these long streams for my fans, and I treat my partner like shit because I never spend time with them and enable their unhealthy behaviors! I take out my anger on them because I'm a lonely asshole." You quickly spit back, standing up from your chair.

They scoff, stepping towards you a bit, "You're so pathetic, I never want to hear you come to me with your problems again. You're dependent on me. You barely get any money off of that, let alone any to pay rent or buy your own groceries. Get into the real world where talking to fancy businessmen and actually working for your money is all you do! Walk in my shoes for one day!"

You roll your eyes again and scoff, "You don't think this is an actual job? I could say the same to you! You play video games all fucking day and beg for Twitch subs! Just because you have a fancy merch line and have some stupid show you're working on doesn't make you all high and mighty and more important than anyone else!"

"It does, actually, you have no room to complain! If you need a break, you can go take it. My schedule is busy every hour of the day, I have no time to do shit! You're an overbearing, selfish asshole!"

Now that got the waterworks going, that's what got you beyond the point of just petty arguing to genuinely fighting. You have no room to complain, yet you spend all day just trying to make people happy and not hate you, to just pump content out and pretend like you're okay. You bottle up your emotions so he won't have to worry about you, yet you're overbearing and selfish.

"You are such a fucking asshole! Everything needs to be about you, doesn't it? Every single fucking thing in the world, huh? Fine, screw you" You turn to grab the bowl of food, and quickly, out of sheer anger, throw it at him, shattering the ceramic bowl. "I hope I never see you again, go fuck yourself. You don't deserve shit of what you have, your platform, your friends, your money, anything. I hope your whole online empire comes crumbling down and you're left with nothing"

You snatch up your phone, wallet, and keys, quickly stomping past him as tears drip down your cheeks. He stands there, appalled as tears well in his glassy eyes. He tries to chase you outside once he realizes you're serious, but you'd already slammed the door so hard it might as well have fallen off the hinges. He wipes his eyes, cheeks a light red due to the sheer amount of anger he felt in the moment. He was soaked in cold mac and cheese, ruining his white hoodie.

Once the adrenaline wasn't coursing through his veins anymore, he sits himself on the kitchen floor, the cold tile against his hands being used as a grounding technique. Some ceramic dust lays on his shoes, some liquid cheese being smeared against his hoodie as he tries to use a towel to wipe the access off.

Fuck, what did he just do?

He sits in silence, rethinking the situation as tears slowly stream down his face.

He could only hope that you were safe on that bus to nowhere. That bus you used to just go anywhere but home, just to escape the horrible life you lived inside that house. The house that bound you to its walls so you couldn't escape.

You couldn't escape the pain of your popular online presence or the pain of being trapped in that house any longer. Finally, it broke, the enchantment that kept you sealed inside.

Someone had to leave, and it looked like it was going to be you this time around.

#lowkeyrobin #mcyt x reader #mcyt preferences #mcyt oneshot #tommyinnit x reader #ranboo x reader #tubbo x reader #ranboo oneshot #ranboo imagine #gn reader #gender neutral reader #they/them reader

[tlonista]

Astarion fic recs, Batch 2

Thanks so much to everyone who had kind words for my Astarion fic rec list! My habit continues unabated so I wanted to throw out another little batch of mostly recent, mostly hurt/comfort-oriented Astarion-centric fanfic that I liked. As before there's references to Astarion's past abuse and assault so mind the AO3 tags.

Anyway happy holidays fellow pale elf fans, pls tip me off if you watched the latest Larian animated short and felt moved to write about shivering blanket-wrapped Astarion sitting on Karlach's lap.

Incomplete Multi-Chapter:

The Friends We Meet in the Dark by Copaline

Astarion is captured by monster hunters while spiraling over how to earn Tav's affections. Second in a series, but can be read standalone; one of two chapters posted. Big fan of its protective f!Tav, and there's some fun banter with the rest of the gang.

I Don't Know You Yet by thbreakofdawn

Nicely executed modern Bloodweave social media (text messages and Twitter) AU. Astarion is a sex worker and Gale is a grad student struggling with his relationship to his girlfriend Mystra, and they strike up a text-only friendship after a random connection. Very effective use of the multimedia format.

If the Cross on the Door Doesn't Scare You by Aylwyyn228

Sweet, angsty "Astarion starves in the Shadow-Cursed Lands because he's too scared to ask for blood" fic with the added turn of Gale guessing exactly what's happening, but being too toxic-blooded to actually help unless Astarion tells the others about his vampirism.

a half-blown rose by winter_writes

Astarion's "Tav didn't kill Cazador" dialogue in the Patch 5 Epilogue is one of the saddest things in the game, and I'm so excited to see writers running with it. In this fic Astarion was recaptured by Cazador post-game and then finally freed thanks to a fire... but he's terribly injured in the aftermath and ashamed to have his ex-lover see him. Only one chapter so far but I'm a big fan.

death by rock & roll by falco_c

This hasn't been updated in a while and Astarion hasn't actually appeared in it yet, but I'm throwing it in as a bonus because I really love its Almost Famous-y music industry AU vibe. Its translation of the tadpole ensemble into rock-and-roll burnouts, featuring in-world interviews, is absolutely delightful.

One-Shots:

Untitled by trulycertain (Tumblr-only)

It's spawn Astarion realizing he can turn into a bat and flying around and getting tired with Tav around, that's it, that's the fic. Completely adorable fluff. But "Is this what it’s meant to be like? Being a spawn? Not a starved slave?" kills me.

Family by sword_and_lance

Astarion goes to see his family after being turned, and Cazador cements his control over Astarion by offering him some scraps of comfort in the painful aftermath. It's short and restrained and chilling and so so sad.

Pointy Ears by SpaceBarbarianWeird

Yes another fluffy fic, what am I coming to. But who doesn't want to read about Astarion rediscovering trust by letting Tav touch his sensitive pointy ears with some brief digressions into elven social norms and gift-giving.

Complete Multi-Chapter:

Desperate Measures by Asidian

One of the fics that inspired "If the Cross" above, and one of my favorite "Astarion in the Shadow-Cursed Lands" pieces. Very good at balancing a sympathetic take on the character with him being, like canon Astarion, deceptive and a little bit abrasive when cornered. Plus bonus fun with Scratch.

this is a gift (it comes with a price) by ryttu3k

A post-game Ascended Astarion fic in which AA is literally soulless and knows it, and his sometimes-lover Duke Wyll Ravengard discovers over a series of nighttime visits that he secretly hates it. One of my favorite Ascension fics in part because, intentionally or not, it feels weirdly true to the experience of depressive anhedonia?

The Light of the Seven by Verelia

@reddenmore mentioned this one in the tags on my last fic rec list and I wholeheartedly agree; it's a real good Szarr Spawn Family character study delving into the backstory and personality of each of Cazador's "children," including Astarion.

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #fic recs

[licially]

Interlude #1

//Hey y'all, I never normally post stuff on here but that is because I've been stressed to death between project works, writer's block and general burnout for the last week. //I managed to push this out but I have been taking a break since then. This goes out to @blogplutocrat, and my second real attempt at angst with a theme? I'm not sure what to make of it but I will keep practicing.

It hasn’t been unusually quiet within the household, yet today stands a contradiction. The busy streets outside of the complex proved a superstition, but the quietness that surrounded the place made it all the more mysterious what this superstition was supposed to be. The tenants of the apartment that was decrepit enough to house those financially unfortunate enough were silent. Not a slight footstep, not a shuffle and not a word from the walls. The hallways replied to the silence with the same, until a door creaked open from the bottom floor. The disruption of what seemed a peaceful silence reverberated back to the person, who gave a deep sigh as they shut the door slightly behind them. They didn’t seem to mind it, as if they were also basked in it. Slowly, they trailed towards the staircase that stood towards the side without longer hesitation. The climb was made difficult with the heels that they wore, and the reach to the second floor was relieved by the contact of the floor.

The footsteps did stop, merely for a moment as they caught up on their breath under what window of time and place they had. Their hair, a low cut that didn’t expand past their head, swirled the air surrounding them. It also partially revealed a dress that they wore, as she sighed one more time. Through the vague lighting that sporadically bounced through the hallways and emptiness of the rooms, she waltzed through the darkness. It was eerie, not only because of the lack of life but what was present didn’t want to make itself known. She kept at it, her steps brought more authority and rule over a place that was chaos crossed with introspection. 

Quiet thoughts also lingered as she filtered the insanity within: What place is this, and why does it feel like an infinity unexplained? Where was she going, and where is the room she was looking for? How did she end up here, and not back at the apartment that she previously entered? She pondered, as she stopped to catch her breath and what little sanity she had left. Her questions still stood untested, and she still kept going at both. The questions only brought answers, and more questions that arose. She was distressed, under stress and everything she did was under duress.

Eventually, she found the number of the room that belonged to both her and her significant other. The door, engraved with a golden plaque that read out the number ‘4514’, which is also supported by the glow that emanated from the borders. She swiped at the door handle, and out she went towards her apartment, in the sunlight that brought color back to the empty void that was outside.

The entrance was short and narrow, with the walkway immediately going towards the living area that served both as a dining place and a kitchen place. The space expanded to a singular window, sat towards the streets below and faced a multitude of buildings across a tiny section of St. Louis’ metropolitan area. Towards the left, a bathroom that tucked itself away with cracks slightly forming at the sink and above towards the roof. The right handside was a bedroom that she and her boyfriend shared endearingly. Although it didn’t seem like much, she called this place her home, and even decorated it with various things. A tiny chandelier that lit up the space between the windows and the living space, which had a rug and several comfortable chairs that stood around a circle. It also included instruments, strawn over the place.

However, she wasn’t quite sure that this place was home. Considering where she was mere moments ago, she had every right to be paranoid that this place was another nightmare or something entirely fabricated. After taking off her heels onto a nearby shoe rack, she checked outside once again to see if the void still existed out there. Outside, the apartment felt normal again. She heard chatter and shuffling coming from all parts of the building; from down the hall, two people were going on about the recent murder spree by someone, another person walked out from a door just closer towards the end of the hallway that took one quick glance around them before they were gone and the hallway was lit up by the windows that she did not see as she came home. 

Weird. She swore she could have been going through this space without any lights to help her, and no one to help her. She didn’t want to sound like a lunatic going around, so she wanted to figure out the answer on her own. As she closed the door and went back inside, the previous ‘how’ and ‘why’ questions had a different name under it: “Why did everything disappear, and why did everything seem so… normal?” she uttered aloud, going through towards the windowsill, as she looked outside and letting the sunlight hit her. It’s here her eyes pondered through the streets and her mind subconsciously dwelled on the questions.

Through the cars and stars that she can and can’t see, she was searching for an answer: Why did she go through the impossible apartment? She paced around the room, trying to sort out herself as she was just outside in the heat, clasping a briefcase with a great deal of care and a suit. Throughout her journey through the household, she held herself on a high after that entire encounter. The soft steps turned softer, her hair became more undone, and her moody attitude seemed to seep into what she was wanting to do.

“What even was that- I don’t get it!” She frustratingly thought out loud, her head and body swaying through the complex to do maintenance: sweeping the household, preparing food from the fridge to cook for her and him for tonight. Since he hadn’t been home at all, she thought ahead and prepared one of their favorite meals together: a simple spaghetti carbonara, with bacon pieces and a sauce she had also prepared the night before. Although it wasn’t everyday she cooked like this, it’s… much better than his monstrosities.

Like ‘pancakes with bacon and eggs on top, with syrup drizzled all over it’ type of monstrosity.

She stopped by now, and planned to do more to the place to make it look pretty. Two sharp knocks came from the front door, unexpectedly so. Lola put everything aside, and yelled out a “coming!” before slowly making her way towards it. Unusual, since she hadn’t had anyone made plans with her, let alone have them come over to this dingy apartment. To have someone knock is either someone from across the hall, or it was Rocky, which shouldn’t be home until about 7PM. Regardless, she wouldn’t dare answer if it weren’t for the peephole that came with the door. She peeked through, and she was surprised.

Rocky stood there, albeit more steady than ever, and his head was covered by a hat that made him look like anyone else. Lola stood for a moment, before proclaiming to him that this wasn’t like him at all.

“Rocky! You can’t scare me with that!” She teased him, trying to get anything out of the guy.

Nothing.

“Rocky?” She lowered her sarcastic tone, this time a concern spread across her face.

Again, Rocky stood absolutely still, without any noise and movement. 

Confused, she clasped the door handle and swung it open. There he still was, standing still with a coat and a hat that still covered his face up towards his mouth. She staggered, not used to seeing him in this sort of quietness before. Carefully, she catered to him and managed to walk him inside the house. He, reluctantly, staggered through the front door and down through towards the open space. Until now, she hadn’t noticed anything wrong with him, maybe the job at hand was a bit too much and he had gone home. But she took another look at her hand and realized the crimson it held. It bled into her viewpoint, and she watched as Rocky took one more step before collapsing onto the floor, the bloody footprints and the impact he made on the floor suddenly shook her subconscious into question, as she paced towards Rocky and grabbed hold of him, whose face is now shown to her.

Her strength was close to being diminished, her eyes’ tears flooded a river and her mouth couldn’t utter any other words. Silence was her only friend as she tugged on him again. For the first time, his smile left him behind. His body felt colder and colder to touch, what he had to say soon also followed the plunge. His head slowly slumped backwards, and Lola felt that everything halted. His eyes were bloodshot, almost too much that she didn’t even recognize it. His face had blood pouring out of his forehead, a cut made by something extremely sharp. His face scrambled every word that fell out of his mouth, as he weakly addressed the lady of the household. 

“Lola- Ms Deluca!...” He coughed out, words mixed with spit and blood. “I’m– sorry…”

“What happened–?!” Lola reprised, her eyes searching up and down for any other wounds that left him in this state.

“I… was a little carr-ied away!” He flinched slightly, still jovially despite his life threatening situation.

“Carried away?! Rocky, you could have died!” She put her eyes away from him, and left to find a first aid kit that finally came in handy thanks to Rocky’s profession. She wrapped his head in the bandage, and sat him up on a nearby chair. Her worries were far from over, however, as she stood next to him to try and find an answer to why and how… he was like this.

“I.. am sorry.” He bore a frown, his eyes seemed to also disconnect from Lola. 

“Rocky, you do so much for so little!” Lola angrily told him, her eyes watering because of the shock from that entire experience. “Please, have some thoughts about some danger that you’re putting yourself through! For goodness’ sake, I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t here!” 

Soon, an uncomfortable silence took up the room, with Rocky dumbfounded and Lola left overwhelmed by how Rocky acted outside in his job. The silence, briefly sliced by the mid afternoon commune and murmurs that echoed through the walls and throughout the entire afternoon towards the night time, they didn’t speak to each other. Not even through the meal that she had planned for the both of them, not even through the countless chores and homework they do together. Nothing got them talking to each other, yet the silence persisted.

Soon, as he finally got rid of his temporary headband, he was back at the entrance again. Lola narrowed her eyes, and pondered if she could have been too protective of him. Sure, he’d have days where he’d be like this 90% of the time, but it all seemed without care. Like an honest mistake. She didn’t seem to know how much trouble this man would go through for her, and maybe she’d be ignorant enough to overlook that side of him. 

Lola approached Rocky, sitting beside him as he put on his shoes. His eyes didn’t seem to catch her, not did it look away from his foot as he slipped on his shoes. She tugged at his jacket, her arms shook both what she had left in her sanity and his balance. As a result, he was dragged towards her ears and tearful eyes that he hadn't seen in a while. He murmured some words into his own head, and listened to what Lola had to say. 

“Promise me something, Rocky.” She said, a somber tone whispered across her voice.

He stared back at her, again silent because of the guilt that swept over him.

“Promise me that you’ll take care of yourself. Promise me you’ll be more considerate of yourself out there. Promise me.” She continued, the tears continuing to well in her eyes as Rocky looked on with guilt.

“I… promise.” He said, swallowing his own words. 

She held him closer towards him. This time, they were face to face without any space between them. Reminiscent of their first meeting, and every meeting after that. She didn’t know whether to be glad he was still here with her or to be upset that he was left in this condition by the unending dangers of bootlegging. She held him, and her hands shook slightly as Rocky saw her well of tears surround his vision. She sobbed and weeped, silently as the night went on. 

“Promise you’ll never forget about me.” She remarked one last time, through her tears and choked voice.

“I promise, my dear. I can… only promise.” 

His words meant a lot more than what it is, and Lola knew it would be enough if it came from him.

#lackadaisycats #rocky rickaby #lackadaisy #i suck at tags #creative writing #licially

[annelaurant]

ANNE'S ART ATRIUM: COMMISSION SHEET 2024

► NEWS

Slots for February: 0/4

SINGLE CHARACTER COMMISSIONS are 50% OFF until June 2024 or until further notice!

► ABOUT ME

Hi, I'm Anne! I'm a writer and artist from the Philippines. I love fashion, fantasy, and bright colors in my art, and if you fancy my style, please consider me for your next commission!

► MY SERVICES

Please check back here once in a while to check if other types of services are available!

Palette Busts

This is a style wherein I only color-pick from a limited range of palettes to create a character bust. You may specify your preference of colors, symbols, and motifs to include in the piece. (You may request for cell shade, soft shade, or both.) Turnaround time is around 2-5 hours or 1-2 business days.

$25 - A palette bust with one character.

Character Art

This is a regular piece of character art for your OC, your faves, or both. Turnaround time is around 2-8 hours or 1-3 business days.

$30 - Bust

$45 - Half body

$60 - Full body

Character Outfits

I love fashion, so let me help you give more wardrobe options to your character! This will come as a full body option. Turnaround time is around 5-8 hours or 2-3 business days.

$45 - A single character outfit. Comes with the character in sketch and the outfit in clean sketch. Flat colors will be applied to the piece.

+ 50% - Alt versions that come in the same style.

Custom Character

Want a quick ref for your character? Need your mind blorbo to finally have a portrait? Customs are the way to go! Here I will assist you through the process of creating a character! Turnaround time is 1 month real time.

$ 75 - Front view

+ $30 - Back view

+ $15 - Expressions

+ $15 - Extra details

Add-Ons

Want some extra options? Here are the add-ons I can offer:

+ 30% extra character - All prices listed above are based on only one character. Not applicable for outfits or customs.

+ 50% clean lineart - I will add a clean lineart like my avatar in the comm sheet above.

+ $5 simple background - It will be as simple as the ones you see on my comm sheet.

+ 50% detailed background - While I do not have samples on hand, these backgrounds will be referenced and hand-drawn like your character. Not applicable for outfits or customs.

- 50% sketch - For half the price, I will give you a clean sketch.

???% complexity fee - Depending on how detailed your piece will be, I will add to or subtract from your total cost.

Nope List

This includes things I will outright refuse to draw. The short of why is confidence, faster turnaround time, prevention of burnout, and a wish to show my folks my work.

Feral and mecha

Background only

Romance and sexual

Semi and full nudity

Gore and body horror

Hate and political art

Select fan content

► COMMISSION PROCESS

If you are interested in a commission, please DM me! You may provide as many or as little references as you got, since I can work with or without them. I will also give you an estimate final price and due date.

Once I agree to take the commission, your piece will go through 4 phases:

Sketch - You will have 2 or 3 rough sketches to give you an idea of what I will draw. Pick from the sketches for me to render, or suggest one (1) completely new posing idea.

Blocking Render - The sketch you choose will be cleaned and its pose/s fixed.

Color Render - The lineart will now have colors, highlights, and shadows.

Final Render - A final few layers of effects will be added to the piece.

My turnaround time for a piece is about 3-8 business hours (2-3 days) from the time you approve a sketch.

During the blocking and color render stage, I will provide an update during which to let you know how far along I am. You may request up to 3 major revisions during which. Major revisions include:

Pose

Hairstyle

Outfit

Composition

However, once your piece reaches the final render stage, I will only entertain minor revisions. Minor revisions include:

Color corrections

Brightness/contrast

Basically anything you can do on your first photo editor software

During the commission process, please feel free to bump your message, reach out for concerns, or chat a bit if you'd like! You will be informed of estimated dates of completion, delays, and other concerns.

However, harassment over my work speed, art style, and terms of service will not be tolerated and result in your piece getting deprioritized, put on hold, or cancelled without a refund. The same applies for when you cease communication with me within one month without prior notice.

While I draw during nighttime, I have my DMs open during the day. I officially take Sundays and Mondays off, so inquiries during this period will be ignored until Tuesdays.

► PAYMENT

My payment channels are through Paypal (international) and GCash (Philippines) only. My prices already cover Paypal and other fees, so the price I charge is the money you pay.

I will expect 50% payment from the time of acceptance until the sketch stage. Please note that until I get the initial payment, your commission will be put on hold.

I will expect the other 50% when I give the final render. Tips are not mandatory, but they are appreciated. Failure to pay the other 50% will result in a ban.

Special Prices:

You can pay 200% of the price upfront for a priority order, provided that you inform me of a reasonable due date.

You can avail a kababayan discount if you pay with GCash.

Refund Policy

You are eligible for refunds provided that:

We had a conversation

I agreed to the commission

You already paid

You are not harassing me, and

A desire to cancel from either you (prior to being given sketches) or me (at any given point in time).

► USAGE TERMS

The act of commissioning me means that you have read and agreed to my usage terms.

I retain the rights to publish commissioned pieces on my social media and portfolios, unless discussed beforehand. I also reserve the right to decline a commission for any reason.

Commissioned pieces may be posted on your social media and other online galleries. For credits, please use "AnneLaurant" or "annelaurant.tumblr.com". Credits are appreciated but not mandatory.

Commissioned pieces and in-progress previews will be hosted on my end up until 1 month from the time I finish a piece. By agreeing to this, it will be assumed that I can delete these works from my storage and you have retrieved and hosted your commissioned piece on your storage.

Commissioned pieces can be requested to be put under an NDA. You must state this prior to the sketch stage. Failure to state this intent means that you agree to have your commissioned piece automatically published on my socials.

Commissioned pieces by default is assumed to be for personal use only and therefore will come with my watermark. You may not remove this watermark in any form of image editing, e.g. cropping, erasing, superimposition, photomanipulation, etc.

Commissioned pieces without my watermark can be requested. Failure to state this intent means that you agree to have your commissioned piece automatically published with my watermark.

Art commissions for commercial use is subject to discussion and a commercial use fee of additional 100-200% of the original price.

Use of commissioned pieces as your "own work" will result in a ban.

Use of commissioned pieces for resale, NFTs and crypto, and data asset training will result in a ban.

Use of commissioned pieces to promote hateful and inappropriate behavior will result in a ban.

If you received a ban, your commissioned pieces may be subject to removal from my socials and portfolios.

If you have commissioned me prior to an update of the usage terms, the new terms will still apply - with very rare and limited exceptions.

#commission #commissions open #commission sheet #art commissions #open commissions #annelaurant art

[journey-to-the-attic]

Hi Kin. I wanted to ask, how did you manage things like writer's block or creative burnout while writing JTTA? I'm midway through a longfic now and it's kind of exhausting. I feel like I'm whining but I barely get any comments or asks or anything.

hi anon! honestly i'm not sure if i was the right person to ask this, because i... kind of didn't? as in, i didn't really have these problems - boring answer, i know!

i got lucky because i hit a sweet spot where the base story and characters were strong, but with just enough gaps in plot, worldbuilding, development, etc. such that the momentum of filling everything in carried me through the whole process. but there were definitely a lot of occasions where i sat there thinking "okay i have no idea what to do now"

in those cases, often i had to just step back and ruminate on it for a little while - i've pretty much constantly got little ideas bouncing around my head, and sometimes they hit each other like snowballs and form into more fully-fledged plot points, scenes, dialogue, so on. i try to keep track of these in notes apps, personal discord channels, etc, and dip into them if i'm stuck on something!

not sure if your fic is for obey me, but this could still apply even if not - with all the pop quizzes and devilgrams that put the characters in a bunch of new contexts, it's helpful seeing how that character's static vs dynamic traits persist/change depending on them, and often that'll give you inspiration as well. depending on what you've got available, you could browse through source material, or brainstorm aus, whichever you enjoy most

i'm really not sure HOW i've stuck with obey me for so long, but somehow it's just stuck with me. i don't remember being so invested in it before jtta, so that's probably why, but i just really love these guys, and i suppose that's why i never burnt out of it? i think it was also because i knew what story i wanted to tell, and i really wanted to make sure ik got her happy ending, and that carried me through as well

seriously, though - do take breaks. every writer's mileage varies, so take a step back whenever you need to. writing fics should be fun! sometimes it does feel like a chore, and it becomes more like 'the only thing i hate more than writing is not writing', but it happens to all of us. sometimes you've just got to rest until your second wind comes along

in terms of comments and such... yeah, it's a tough one! the unfortunate thing is that a vast majority of readers - even if they really enjoyed your writing! - won't leave a comment. don't take this as a direct reflection on your writing! often the reader can't think of what to say, is too shy, or quite simply forgot

again though... i'm not sure if i'm the best person to ask for advice here! i started publishing jtta without much expectation for an audience, given the genre of game it's written for, so any attention was more a nice surprise than anything. i suppose that, later on, when the fic was more well-established, i did start holding some expectation of response - and it really is tough when you don't get as much of one as you were hoping for

i've seen people talking about how the ask culture on tumblr has died down a lot in recent times, so i'm sure you're not the only one feeling like this! all i can suggest is trying to find more friends (mutuals?) and... networking, i guess? i've seen advice saying to share your fic within communities of writers, too

i can't honestly say if these things'll work, because i'm very bad about interacting with a wider fandom in anything - i usually keep to myself, so often i don't have much of an expectation for how and when people come chat. as in real life, i'm only a chatterbox when approached first haha

i'm not sure how helpful this has been, but i'm rooting for you! if you'd like to share your fic here, please do - though i understand if that's something you'd rather keep to yourself as well.

creating things is a joy - it might take some searching to find a circle, but the beauty of the internet is that you will, somewhere out there! wishing you the best ^^

#answering asks #anon asks