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#you can still read it but if it gets much worse you Wont be able to

the-s1lly-corner · 5 months

Note

Caine x soft!nice!reader who often gets targeted as much as gangle by Jax but tries to hide it from Caine since reader is really nice and doesn’t want Jax to get in trouble

Ty hope you feel better<3!

Caine x soft!nice!reader

I! Fell asleep as soon as I answered the previous request last night <\3

I have a little less baking to do today than yesterday so hopefully, I'll be able to sit down and answer some more stuff!

Not proof read + admin just woke up and its 6am

Oh how he adores you... obviously hes gonna be absolutely smitten with his partner regardless of what theyre like, because they're his and hes yours. That being said, I think your sweetness is what's the most endearing for him. You take care of him and everyone around you. He has never heard you raise your voice

But lately, hes noticed, you've been more gloomy than usual. Why is that? Are you hurting?

Are you abstracting?

The idea sends fear ripping through his core. Sure, it technically is inevitable.. but,

He stamps out the idea

He wastes no time trying to ask you whats wrong as soon as he finds out theres something wrong

Says something dumb and cheesy like "why so glum, Plum?" Idk

He seems the type

Oh?

Jax is the one behind this?

Normally caine finds jax antics humorous, childish but still funny

But this simply won't do

Now do I think hes going to outright go up to jax and beat him up?

Unless jax did something truly unforgivable then caine would not sort to violence imo

Bouncing between caine confronting jax himself (because tbh, as I think about it, what's scarier than pissing off the literal AI ring master of the DIGITAL circus, who can likely manipulate the circus as well as do the IHA stuff) and hyping you to confront him yourself

Both seem so in character

On the one hand the first option matches up with the protectiveness I think caine would have over you. The other option however, does also line up with the idea of him trying to push you to be the best person you can be, including being able to stand up for yourself

Caine just cares for you so much

Sits

Maybe it would devolve into both, with caine stepping in if jax doesnt stop after you talk to him. God forbid he got worse before caine stepped in

Caine starts utilizing the "1000s of all seeing eyeballs" thing, if jax wont stop then hes gonna make sure he doesnt even get the chance to make fun of you; be it stepping in before anything happens or manipulating the IHA you guys might be in to stop him

Let's also not forget the comfort, hes going to really ramp up the compliments and telling you how much he loves you and how amazing you are

You work so hard to take care of him, let him take care of you. Takes you to bed and cuddles with you, playing with your hair as well as constantly chattering away on what all he loves about you

V nice, I think

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x you #caine x reader #caine imagine

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writingforatwistedworld · 1 year

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So you know in the Halloween event how the magicam monsters keep breaking in to ramshackle how would Malleus, Sebek, and Lilia handle them disrespecting god in the self aware au and invading their privacy and stealing things?

Self-aware au

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, religion, blood, death, murder, possessiveness, obsession, stalking

Malleus Draconia/Lilia Vanrouge/Sebek Zigvolt-Visitors breaking into Ramshackle

So they have choosen death. Interesting

We already know how he reacted when someone broke in when it was just Yuu living there but now imagine the whole thing in self-aware….

Mhm the world shall burn

But how did things even come this far

So here you were, for some reason living in a almost collapsing building (Crowley must have had a death wish), and he decides to bring the festival to you

And people finding out that not only ghosts are there but also the Overseer? Have fun guarding your stuff

The first day everything was a mess

People were going into your home and thank goodness that Crowley was kind enough to give you the keys to your room

But there was still stuff outside your room and guess what, that was gone

I mean, who wouldn’t want something so fine like a blanket of the Overseer?

When Malleus found out the first day had already passed

That doesn’t mean that the people on the second day were any safer

The anger he couldn’t release the day before got thrown onto these poor souls

No one was even allowed to come close to Ramshackle and if they did?

Fried chicken my friend. Fried chicken.

But hey! This shows how much they adore you and a few… incidents wont be too bad if it means making sure that you and everything you own is safe, right? Also, you can roast marshmallows on the fire that is consuming the world. Yay!

Now Lilia might not be as powerful as a certain individual whom I totally haven’t mentioned in this post but he has his means

I mean, tose years of making others a head shorter are great practice for what is about to come

Lilia is very religous

In fact, he is so deep into it that he might have done things in his delusions that others of it wouldn’t have done

But here we are, your stuff gone

Lilia, why is that red paint on your clothing? You are not in Pomefiore so… oh… ok

When Lilia prayed to you in those huge churches in the Valley of Thorns he witnessed sometimes how someone would try to nab one of the offerings presented to you

You may let your mind run loose what he did to them

And now someone dares to steal from you

Oh dear, they won’t be seeing their loved ones ever again

The Fae is not afraid to use violence to get what he wants and now he wants them to be miserable

Once he has taken care of the ones who stole from you you will net be able to get rid of him

After all, who can say that you don’t get robbed again?

So even after the celebration he is still standing there, guarding you and your stuff

And when you leave? Silver is taking over the spot and that one bush seems to follow you

They dared to take from you before so how can he know that they won’t try to harm you the next time?

My poor ears

But we had everything until now, the end of the world, your own personal guard in a suspiciously red suit so how much worse can it get?

To our suprise, it really can’t so yay?

Sebek is not powerfull nor violent enoough to cause the damage the other Fae did

That does not mean that those meneances are spared though

So here you are, Sebek holding your hand whilst the ones who dared to take from you are… lying there as proof of his devotion

If this would be an anime they would be pixilated for obvious reasons

But what did we expect? He was raised by one of the bigges religious fanatict in the Valley of Thorns so this shouldn’t be a suprise

There is a way to stop him though

Tell him that you need him to be by your side so that you aren’t too sad

Tell him that his presence is like light in the dark

This may spare a few visitors but you are paying a great price

Have I ever mentioned that Faes can be quite possessive with the ones they adore

The only ones safe from him would be his beloved Waka-sama, Lilia and Silver

You ask what happens to others? Pixilated offerings

But can’t you see? He is only doing this becaise he loves you! Now don’t run away and stay here right beside him

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echoesofadream · 5 months

Text

is adhd medicine (concerta) supposed to make me feel like this

-all the ways which when it comes to function, I am more, and all the ways I am not I am less

- i do things super fast, everything is a hurry .I get things done but a most of them are bullshit like tumblr blogging or checking every internet chronic kpop fan fomo outlet there is .

-I cant do something that isnt top priority in the world because I cant relax enough to do that. its better to sit on the floor and be in prepared mode instead of reading or painting or anything like that

-i have never been on speed but I would assume it feels like this based of the name

-I feel like I can do anything! except read a single page of text of course. thats literally impossible

-everything is on fire I need to put the fire out. right now. first though. where is it

-cant do anything that doesnt give instant gratification (what I mean by adhd medicine induced adhd)

-did I mention that Im quick. and super active. wait the h in adhd stands for hyperactivity....this is wrong...I do this and this and this and this and this and STOP. IM STUCK:

-incredibly hard to move out of situation when im stuck in it. like i could be doing ANYTHING and im like. I cant stop. doing this. whatever it is. I cant move on. this is a familiar feeling that everyone has including me before medicine but now it's like. so much worse. you know the feeling when you cant get out of bed. or youre in the couch and too lazy to get ready for bed. this is like that but dream (nightmares when you cant move) level of lethargy. its like im sitting at the kitchen table. I just got home. but then it's been three hours. and Im still sitting there doing whatever im doing. it's like. so bad. im like. I need to shower. okay this has been sort of an obstacle for me sometimes. but now it's like. shower. I need to shower. hours pass. I havent showered. maybe I just wont shower today. this dysfunction is making me realize how functional I can be in some areas of daily life actually.

-^above would be good if I was working a busy job when things happened all at once. and I had to get things done and not get distracted. but im literally an unemployed uni dropout. im trying to increase my level of focus. im trying to learn how to be in the present and breathe and be less anxious. this medicine is doing the absolute opposite for me. I started this medication because I want to be able to study but how is this supposed to help be in any area in life except like working at the ER or if my job is just answering emails and that kind of thing. all I can do right now is make posts, talk during movies (never been a me thing im very serious about silence during film watching), have a stomach ache and too fast heartbeat, actually work on a novel instead of creating a document that I abandon after the first and only time I write on it, be anxious, eat hot chip and lie

Help??`????????

#adhd #what do I tag this for help #executive dysfunction #idk #adhd medication #adhd meds

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ok-boke · 1 year

Text

ok-boke's Recommendation Masterlist pt. 2

Time for pt. 2. I've read more stories written by these amazing people but on my original masterlist it wont let me add anymore stories. So I decided to make another Recommendation Masterlist to acknowledge and spread these stories ♥︎

Avatar

Jake Sully

FOOL'S GOLD by @emissaire

jake didn't expect that he'd open his heart again for someone else. after all, you were only meant to fill the space left by neytiri after she died. who's to blame him though? behind the vacant gleam in your eyes and the lack of brightness in your smiles, you're still good to him and his kids despite only marrying him out of convenience.

sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ɴᴏɴᴇ by @eywa-eveng

CELLOPHANE by @cyberfreaky

in which your taboo infatuation with your olo’eyktan begins to cause problems.

Miles Quaritch

I SEE YOU by @soulntes

that fateful day on pandora, the baby boy was sought out by the young navi woman has become the talk and whisper among the humans and village.

One of us~ by @numarusworld

the reader is General Ardmore’s daughter, and she is kind of a brat, she has her reasons for it tho. But she needs to be put in her place. Enemies to lovers. Poly relationships.

My Little scientist by @imliketheiceifreeze

Gaia Ambros is a botanist on Pandora in the year 2169 Who's fixation on a certain, notorious recombinant soldier gets her into more than a few troubling situations. Never able to pluck up the courage to bring her desires into fruition, a few 'helpful' lab techs decide to take matters into their own hands much to their amusement. However, no-one expected the romance that begins to blossom between the fearsome Colonel and a shy 20-something scientist, will this end in jeopardy for general Ardmoure's mission and will recombinant Miles Quaritch make the same mistakes as his predecessor?

Tsu'tey te Rongloa Ateyo'itan

The dream walkers sister by @gayfornatasharomanoff

I can be a better father by @byunpum

Follow tsu'tey in his new life as a single father of two human children. A compilation of moments and adventures of their lives.

Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan

hale by @psycholuvrgirl

someone from jake’s past helps the sully family navigate their stay with the metkayina clan. one of the sully boys takes a particular interest in the strange girl.

Lost and found by @justasimps-blog

Neteyam hates humans. One day, he finds you all alone and lost in the forest, but quickly decides against killing you. What might be the odd reason for that?

High Infidelity by @andraga12

Cruel Summer by @andraga12

You and Neteyam have been friends since you were children, and you taught each other everything, from English and Na'vi, to movie references and hunting, to everything about your own and the other's bodies. It was the perfect friendship-with-benefits, on paper. But how long can it last in the face of all that stands to tear it apart?

Of Duty and Desire by @bookworm551

You are the tsakarem of the Metkayina, promised to Aonung, and you have settled into your role nicely. Everything is as it should be until a family of Omatikaya refugees arrives, and the eldest son causes you to reconsider everything

The Cardigan Saga by @andraga12

You and Neteyam have been bound to the hip ever since you were born until your 17th birthday, when Neteyam leaves you without saying goodbye. Everything changes as soon as you get a gift that will bring you back together, for better or for worse.

Part I: Illicit Affairs: You were one of two kids stuck on Pandora after the war took all the Sky People back to Earth. After a series of events left deep scars behind, you are now forced to deal with your trauma - and your lingering resentment towards your once-best-friend Neteyam - head-on.

Part II: The Archer: Your traumatic human life ended, making room for a new one amongst the Na'vi. You were a stone-cold areal hunter, death from above, but when your dad comes back from the dead with a mission that will endanger your life, what lengths would you go to to protect Neteyam and your new family?

Void by @nelissecrectplace

EXPERIMENT 56 (Book One & Two) by @byunpum

(Book One) Y/N is surprised that she is an indispensable part of the human race, being a perfect blend of Navi and humans. Her family will do everything possible to keep her hidden and safe.

(Book Two) Y/N thinks she has a peaceful life with her new family. But a sudden visitor is about to change her life and her family’s life.

Neteyam x Human reader by @justtryingtobecreative

Neteyam and Y/n have been best friends since childhood, but lately your big blue guy has been acting strange. It all comes to a head when the both of you have a bit too much to drink... and have to deal with the repercusions in the morning.

Lo'ak te Suli Tsyeyk'itan

STAR GIRL by @lovemyavatar

they say curiosity killed the cat, but what about an Avatar?

Promise by @p0w3rzz

you were promised to neteyam, after his death you are now promised to lo’ak.

Take Me With Her by @normspellsman

~You Bare Your Soul to Me, so I Show You Mine~ by @ghoul-bonez

As the Tsakarem of the Txinua Clan you have to be responsible, you have to follow the rules, and do what you’re told, but you have always been adventurous, had a love for exploring the world around you. When the Sullys arrived you felt a shift, they were different, but a good different. Maybe this was your chance to get out of the village, to explore.

Ao’nung

But he's a lot younger than you by @cinetrix

Ao'nung has spent the last few weeks trying so hard to catch your attention, make an impression on the older, foreign girl. It made him feel like a lion catching its prey. He was completely oblivious to the fact that he was the innocent baby deer about to get corrupted so badly.

ʟɪʟʏ ᴘᴀᴅ by @smoothielenny

(Y/n) is adopted by the Sullys after her mother’s sudden death. They had to flee the forest and move to Awa’atulu for safety. Everyone are hostile to your family, but they’re more hostile to since you’re a human. Even with these situation you always held your head high and don’t let them get into your head.

Forever by @normspellsman

DREAMING OF HER by @wingedsirens

You’re the girl of Ao’nung’s dreams. Literally, you’re the girl from his dreams.

Stargirl by @star-girl69

In the safety of the reef, you know no war. You spend your days running around with Tsireya and learning from her mother, the tsahìk, Ronal. You tease Ao’nung and Rotxo, failing to notice the lingering touches and the stolen looks. Ao’nung has always been one of your best friends. It was the four of you, Tsireya, Rotxo, Ao’nung and you. There has always been something between the two of you, something you were too young to notice. Maybe you were blinded by the stars, and Ao’nung was certainly blinded by you. His star, his best friend, his everything. You’re a stargirl, and Ao’nung wants to spend the rest of his life bathing in your light. When the threat of war comes and the Sully family comes with it, Ao’nung is forced to accept his feelings and win you over. There is no other choice, really, because what is he without his guiding star?

Refuge by @nelissecrectplace

Your family seeks refuge with the Metkayina clan. You are met with a boy that takes your breath away but you did not know the sadist that lived under those eyes. He was cruel and mean too your sibling and you so why did your heart still beat for him? Why is he more gentle when it comes too you?

Spider Socorro

𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬? 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬! ♥ by @insidethepalemoonlight

you and spider have been friends since birth so when he decides to bring you with him on the sully's family trip how could you refuse? only problem? spider wants to confess before the other sully boy does

Spider x Human/Reader by @spiderlvr06

After spider gets kidnapped he’s locked away into the interrogation room. That’s where he meets you.

Scream

Ethan Landry

Karma by @corpsebasil

“AM I GONNA DIE A VIRGIN?!” by @ghostfacd

in which ethan landry and you are happily dating until a girl manages to squeeze herself in between the two of you, causing major problems in the relationship. oh, and that’s not the worst part. ghostface is back, and he’s coming for your entire friend group.

Tag, You’re It by @perlelune

Stu Macher

My Boyfriend's Back by @final-girl96

YN is Sidney’s younger sister. She’s smart, beautiful, outgoing, and popular. She will be 17 in scream 1 and Sidney will be 18. She will also be in the same grade because she skipped a grade just to make it easier and she can go off to college with Randy and Sidney. When the events of scream happen and Billy is shot by Sidney at the end they also assumed Stu was dead as well seeing as he had a tv fall on him. But months later just school was coming to a close and they were getting ready to graduate and go off to college yn gets this feeling that someone is always watching her. The feeling followers her everywhere she goes. And the boy she thought was dead keeps coming back. She can’t tell anyone because she’s afraid no one will believe her. She doesn’t even know if she believes her own eyes.

Billy & Stu

Until We Found You by @slasherbvnnie

Tell Me All About The Dark Places You Hide by @pumpk1n-writes

in which the reader figures out that their best friends are the infamous Woodsboro Killers and decides to help them rather than turn them in.

Ghostface’s fan#1 by @loveandmurders

Basically it’s female reader being obsessed over Ghostface and they decide to not kill her because of that.

Harry Potter

James Potter

No Longer Yours by @singmyaubade

James had disregarded you for multiple years, but when you have an epiphany in your final year, how does it feel to taste his own medicine?

Sebastian Sallow

How could I ever forget you? by @sallowfae

Somehow it had taken until your final day at Hogwarts to finally show Sebastian how you felt, and by then it was too late. Years pass and your distance grows stronger, despite your many efforts for him. A surprise encounter at a new job could change things forever. Finding each other once again at the very place you first met, Hogwarts.

Stranger Things

Eddie Munson

Operation: Henderson by @ali-r3n

Eddie asks forces Dustin to set him up with Dustin’s older sister

Steve can’t know by @talaok

Steve is your overly-protective older brother that is very opposed to you frequenting the wrong crowd, and especially to you dating Eddie Munson.Still, when you meet each other one day at lunch,it seems there is very little he can do to stop the inevitable.

The Hunger Games

Finnick Odair

in our next life by @asterias-record-shop

Peeta and Katniss weren’t the first to fall in love after the games. That title went to you and Finnick, your mentor after you were Reaped at the age of fifteen two years after Finnick. After being dragged back into the Games with the Quarter Quell, you both are determined to stop it, no matter what- especially if one of you would gladly sacrifice themselves for the other.

Marvel

Bucky Barnes

My little love by @crazyunsexycool

For two years Bucky had enjoyed his new found freedom. He could go out whenever he wanted. No one was forcing him to do things he didn’t want to do. For the first time in a long time Bucky enjoying was falling in love. You had been the one to capture his heart. He was painfully oblivious that you returned his affections but he’d rather be your friend than nothing at all. You had been new to the Avengers team when Bucky was found. At first you had volunteered to help bring him in but you worried that your abilities to manipulate metal would make him keep his distance. You had been pleasantly surprised when that wasn’t the case. Now with every day that passed you fell more in love with Bucky, you were also unaware of his feeling for you. After a raid to a hydra detention center and the discovery of hydra’s new test subject, Bucky will have to confront abuse he didn’t know about. He feels like hydra still has control over him and he’s not sure what to do. When Bucky fell from the train hydra took away his chance at love and a family, now they’ve basically forced it on him. The new revelation with force him make choices he never knew he would have to make, he only hopes he can do the right thing.

Miles Morales

Right Person,Wrong Time by @littyhoney

you have always been there for Miles, will your long time crush ever pay attention to you…or not?

EARTH-42 MILES MORALES X Reader by @spyder-junkie

I just cant stop thinking of Earth-42! miles with a reader that falls for prowler first.

his girl by @redstarwriting

You and Miles met when you were toddlers. The two of you were neighbors, and would frequently draw in an alleyway just outside of Miles’ room with sidewalk chalk. The two of you got along better than you’ve gotten along with anyone else, remaining best friends throughout the years. If he wasn’t at your place, you were at his. You even managed to get into Brooklyn Visions Academy with him. You were a staple in the life of Miles Morales. Until Gwen came along. And now? It might be too late for him to ever remedy that. At least, in his dimension, that is...

Miguel O’hara

EL TRATO (THE DEAL) by @messylustt

— miguel o’hara has never liked you—a human—joining the team as the ‘person in the chair’. he’s made his distaste for you clear. but when he speaks certain spanish words you don’t understand, he reveals that his annoyance of you is by the fact that you make him feel ‘hot’. soon, a deal surfaces, his promotion benefitting you both.

𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 by @sillyblues

you overhear a couple of spider-people talking about you and miguel

what the f-!? by @carpecaelo

Peter B. Parker thought he'd never see the day Miguel could actually more than tolerate someone.

─ you're the sunflower ੈ✩‧₊˚ by @fxllfaiiry

everyone on the team loves you, expect miguel who seems to hate you more than anyone.

You? by @mcu-coworkers

What you thought was your love story ended up being one cruel summer.

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strawbs-screaming · 8 months

Text

☆ How The Boxers Drive ☆

made this bc evil (im running out of excuses) this has been rotting in my queue for a while now

Glass Joe

- Really paranoid, i dont blame him cars are really flammable

- will panic if even one scratch gets on his car

- Just really careful with where he parks & when he parks

- if anything suspicious is on his windshield he'll panic because what if its used to mark him for something

-you know how moms go "slow down your gonna crash!!" if you speed up while driving? Yeah thats him

Von Kaiser

- unhinged driver, he'll go 50 kilometers a hour with the most bored expression ever

- put on your seatbelts because he loves to take sudden turns

- you have to hold on for dear life to anything because he doesnt understand what the words "slow down" means

- do not turn on the lights, just dont or he'll literally hiss at you

- driving like hes in a police chase, damn peepaw slow down

Disco Kid

- blasting his ears out + also going ridiculously fast

- you better hope the radio stops after a crash or you'll die to california girls

- doesnt do sudden turns thankfully

- drives even faster at nighttime, disco is really out for blood

- dont even bother honking at him, he cant hear you over his 92827298272 hour playlist

King Hippo

- he cant drive, what are you all on

- no literally, even if he could find a car to fit him, he still wouldnt be able to operate it

- too overwhelming for him anyways

- He gets carsick too easily

Piston Hondo

- actually responsible & obeys traffic laws (LIKE A LOSER!! BOO TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO RUN OVER PEOPLE INSTEAD!!)

- cant listen to music while driving, it just doesnt work for him

- if you honk at him he'll stare into your soul

- actually reading the road signs (LIKE A NERD!! BOO TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO THE LAW SUCKS)

- overall responsible driver

Great Tiger

- another driver from hell

- honks to communicate with people, at some point you'll have to consider ripping off the steering wheel or your ears

- blasting his music, he has damaged hearing because of that

- speed limits are for cowards,he'll gladly go 100 in a 30 zone

- reading road signs but not caring at all

Bear Hugger

- oh no.

- okay driver but wont shut up, bear we get it you shouldnt piss off or piss ON a moose you couldve ended it there

- eating snacks in the backseat makes him do the ultimate dad move™ (the hand thingy dads do when you eat snacks)

- "yeah you can push those to the side make yourself comfortable" as his backseat is filled with maple syrup bottles, a pair of moose antlers and the weirdest shit you can imagine, bear im really sure you dont need a entire ass stop sign

- doesnt speed but takes sudden turns way too often for your stomach to stay in one piece (can we get much higherrr, so highhh)

- also honks to communicate

Don Flamenco

- this fucking menace needs to be stopped

- He sings in the car, Don nobody needs to hear you sing poker face please dont crash

- unintentionally speeding, always 5 km over the speed limit

- holy shit he needs his license taken away

- He texts while driving, how worse can you get??

- you know "get in loser, we're going shopping."? yeah thats him whenever he comes to pick someone up

- Does more singing than driving

Aran Ryan

- wait what

- He actually obeys traffic laws & is okay with speed limits? What a switch

- He knows how to shut up too

- He may be a nuisance but he keeps it off the road because nuh uh no one is dying in a car crash today

- has sobbed in his car multiple times (mostly while driving) thats the most you can get him

- him & his car have been through thick and thin, he has laughed in that car, cried in that car, screamed in that car, sung in that car, he has went through everything with his car, it legally counts as an artifact

Soda Popinski

- license, on the kitchen table, NOW.

- he used to drive when drunk when he was a alcoholic (hence his past name, vodka drunkenski)

- doesnt use any kind of navigation when driving, he uses his gut feelings & they either: work, fail miserably or have you end up in a seperate country and either way its concerning

- has crashed into multiple signs & trees

- speeds when bored

- oh my god this man is a mess

Bald Bull

- calm the fuck down

- same deal as kaiser, unhinged driver with the most bored expression ever while asking you "how was your day?" like dude please slow down

- hes the reason the term road rage exists

- will gladly get out of the car to fight someone

- honking at him is a one way ticket to fucking die - land

- i hope awkward conversations are your thing because he'll try to do a icebreaker and ask stuff

- keep the lights off unless its the night or he'll chuck you out of the car like you're a McDonald's™ napkin

Super Macho Man

- jail.

- hes driving on the sidewalk. DRIVING ON THE SIDE FUCKING WALK.

- drives even if hes tired

-suprisingly brash with his car considering it costs a fortune

- He didnt hit the street lamp, it hit him

- blasting the worst music ever as he goes through a quiet neighborhood at 3 am

Mr Sandman

- oh my god finally a good driver

- hes a law abiding citizen

- hes the only one allowed to drive

- the only thing you can get him on is slamming his car door a little too hard but thats better than going 92827281962629912619916281972729229 in a 30 km zone or stopping halfway through to fight someone

- will not talk, ever.

- hes the first option when the wvba needs to ride somewhere and cant find a driver

#punch out #headcanon #punch out wii #punch out headcanons #don flamenco #bald bull #piston hondo #glass joe #aran ryan #great tiger

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angelgoeslewd · 1 year

Note

Hi Angel, could i request Wren and Landry seeing a very pregnant PC and maybe the water break when there with them? So for Wren when they play card or something like and Landry maybe at the pub or somewhere else i don't mind thank you have a great day/night!

finally got around to posting this 💕 currently dealing with admissions rn which SUCKS bleh

also gonna take the liberty here to make pc pregnant w their kid bc why not 😎👉👉 if u want just a rando pregnancy lmk!!

⚠️ warnings: heavy pregnancy talk: water breaking, stressful births, etc. mentions of harper being less than savory to pregnant people, reader is able to give birth, possessiveness, breeding kink/baby trapping.

Wren:

if you hid it from him

if you actually managed to hide your pregnancy up to this point from this man, color him impressed. his whole job is being in the know. most of that info is directed towards Remy’s profitability but ya know, never hurts to have a few aces up your sleeves. and he has. so many.

night started off simple enough, a game of cards with his puppy playing across from him; you’ve gotten good after all these times, your bluffs have been harder to read, even harder when you wear the collar he had gotten made for you

its when you stop bluffing and throwing back your sharp wit that he both loves and despises when he looks up. in fact, you’ve stopped doing everything. you’re completely still. not a response he’s seen from you. and it worries him.

“you ok, pup?”

you give a little shake of your head, and then drop your cards to the table. your hands shoot to your abdomen, breath heavy, placing your forehead on the cool wood table. Wren is at your side in an instant, hands wandering over you, looking for wounds. it’s too much, the pain, the sensation of warmth moving across your body, and you push them away weakly.

when he doesn’t find any, his mind immediately goes to the worst. he pulls his gun on his men, wondering which one decided to poison the wrong person.

he’s not supposed to care about you this much. you’re just a body in his bed. he needs his gang, he knows this. he needs them to trust him, needs them to be ready to lay down their lives for him. but he does cares about you. too much about you. you, his puppy. the one he’s trained so perfectly, invested so much time in. and he wont let this transgression go.

“no… wren,” you call, trying your hardest to uncurl yourself and grab at his arm. he pulls his gun up and away from you, easily moving it out of your reach. but you manage to will yourself out of the chair. when it happens.

you hear a snap, and your body reacts, looking up to Wren, his perfectly trained puppy, thinking he had snapped his fingers for your attention, but one hand is holding the gun and the other is at his side, so you’re confused — when your feel your thighs dampen. you’ve already lost your bottoms in the first round, so you can feel all the wetness that runs down your leg and suddenly, you put it together.

he does too, seeing the puddle on the floor. his gun is instantly away, holding you as your struggle to stay on your feet while the contractions get worse.

“puppy… you been keepin’ secrets?” you nod, pitifully. the look on your face is almost literally the definition of a kicked wet dog, and Wren is amused at how well you play your part.

it’s the next words out of your mouth that makes him stop. you can’t manage many words through the contractions, but you manage to get out, “yours…”

“Everyone get the fuck out,” He spits, still unmoving, eyes trained on you. His men, who have been watching the entire time, almost in shock at how quickly so much has happened, are out the door in less then 3 seconds. They all know that voice. They’re all convinced they won’t be seeing you anymore, and honestly, so are you. and you shut your eyes tight, wondering if he’d at least take the baby to somewhere better then Bailey’s orphanage after you’ve been taken care of.

but instead, there’s a firm, gentle hand on your back, and you open your eyes to met wren’s. he’s so close to you, inches away. you can feel his breath on your face as he assesses the situation. “i’ll take care of you, darlin’. don’t worry.”

no time for prep. no time for anything. much to his displeasure, he has to get you to the hospital. he picks you up easily, trying to be as gentle as he can, barging out of the cottage and telling his men to start the car.

he spends the entire hospital visit watching harper with eyes like a wren hawk. has a HUGE, completely out of character outburst when harper has to actually touch you to help you give birth. takes the baby away from him as soon as possible.

visiting hours do not apply to him. if they kick him out, he’s just going to break back in so…

if you didn’t hide it from him

a pregnant partner is almost like a status symbol to him. when you tell him, he’s over the moon. doesn’t show it, simply nods and says, “ok.”

but your whole existence to him changes. you aren’t just a fun bedmate. you’re his show dog, his prized pooch. wants you to wear tight shirts, show off that belly he’s blessed you with. show off his fertility, show off how safe he can keep you in this horrible place.

this sometimes means you come with him on ‘tasks.’

dangerous? yes. but don’t worry. you have your own team of bodyguards, people wren has known the longest and trusts the most, who would die for him, to protect you. they’d take a bullet for you. it’s an intimidation tactic. even bailey would raise an eyebrow at wren’s shameless flaunt of power. but wren isn’t bothering him or his business so he doesn’t care too much.

in fact, bailey might use it as leverage. but that’s another story.

in private, he gets touchy. super touchy. lots of pregnancy sex. he always has an arm around you or hand on you. you go where he does.

when your water breaks, he’s right there. holding you, breathing with you through contractions. would prefer a home birth, honestly, with a member of his, recently hired, who has midwife experience. he doesn’t really like the hospital. or harper. especially harper.

he’s probably been preparing for this day and will refuse any jobs from Remy for the two weeks leading up to your due date. much to his displeasure. has made his team practice drills for this, so they jump into action when it happens.

he’s the one holding your hand, if you want a water birth, he’ll get in with you, reminding you how strong you are to have carried his babes for so long, he doesn’t care about the blood or anything else. as long as the baby and you are healthy. he’s seen and be through a lot of shit, birth doesn’t scare him off.

Landry

if you hid it from him

like wren, it is VERY hard to hide anything from this man, because you not only have to hide it from him, you have to hide it from the whole town. one drunk idiot with a loose tongue will have Landry at Bailey’s doorstep, demanding to speak to you about those rumors.

so if you actually managed it, congratulations! You might have a shot at working at Landry’s bar!

of course, he’ll very upset if he knows you’ve accepted drinks while pregnant. please don’t do that to this man. yes, he’s a shady asshole but he’s less of an asshole then anyone else in this town.

but when your water breaks? at his bar? he shuts down. Landry is not a doer. see, he takes pride in being able to avoid any doing and being able to sit comfortably on his wealth like a dragon. he will be practically on the verge of passing out. his hands will be shaking. but he’ll eventually get you in his car and to the hospital.

he adores you l, but, uh. this isn’t his forte. he’s ready to bolt when you’re in (semi) safe hands.

he doesn’t even put two and two together until you’re grabbing his hand, asking him, strained as you lay in the hospital bed, if he wants to stay and see his baby.

ok. Landry has officially shut down now. what.

oh. oh. it’s been a while, but he has a pretty good memory. you mean that one time when you sucked him off behind the bar all night and when he finally closed up and did you on the counter and he — oh.

or maybe it was that other time, when you surprised him in his bed, he was so turned on by the way you were able to get in without tipping him off that he — mhm. could’ve been that time.

it takes him a while to boot back up, but when he does, he’s still not fully out of shock. he just nods dumbly and follows your bed to the delivery room. he does hold your hand the whole time and cuts the cord though so ❤️. big love to Landry to being the only decent father besides Robin.

oh my god. he doesn’t think anything could be as cute as holding the new little infant in his arms. it’s adorable. and he’s honestly in love with how utterly perfect it is. its cute little nose.

he is 100% knocking you up again. give this bachelor a taste of domestic life and he’s going to keep you there.

if you didn’t hide it from him

honestly, not much changes besides Landry is a little bit more prepared for the birth.

he blacks out for about 5 minutes when you tell him. you’re sitting in front of him, at a table in his bar, long before it opens, waving your hand in front of his face worriedly when he comes to. “we’re… having a baby. a baby.” probably repeats this for another 5 minutes. it is honestly so concerning to you, but considering what this town is like, you don’t expect him to stick around. but eventually, when you’re turning to leave, he grabs your wrist, a determined look coming over his face, and he promises you that he will be the best dad he can be.

orphanage? haha sorry Bailey. PC is getting kidnapped moved to Landry’s room above the bar. he probably sells him a share of his bar in return. worth it though. he will absolutely not take no for an answer. you’re in his sight morning and night. he will drive you to school and pick you up. he makes sure you take your vitamins and eat good meals.

honestly, probably the best option to get knocked up by, despite him being a helicopter mom. man’s been a bachelor for so long that settling down actually seems… nice.

as long as you’re able to turn a blind eye to his actual source of income and ready to be under scrutiny of cops and always surrounded by shady people. 🤷‍♀️ if you don’t feel safe, he’ll do his best to make sure you do. security systems, an actual house, whatever you need.

remember that hoard I was talking about earlier? oh yeah, this dude’s got a bit of cash he can burn. skullduggery is the easiest source of high income in the game, he’s where all the money is flowing to.

he never mentions your pregnancy to anyone and probably won’t. it’s too risky in his line of work. keeps you separated from his work. and if you were selling him stolen goods before? well, that’s gotta stop. will refuse anything you bring him and demand you quit putting yourself in unnecessary danger. will lock you in his room if you don’t.

packs your hospital bags months before your due date. he’s so nervous. he uncharacteristically messes up orders and drops glasses when he’s working and the thought pops into his head. blames it on nicotine.

speaking of. chain smokes. not in the house or near you, but he does to calm himself down over the whole ordeal. needs it to stay sane. when he gets too worked up, you tell him to go have one to chill out.

wren and mickey absolutely find out and make fun of him.

when your water breaks, it’s during bar hours, of course. he won’t let you downstairs when it’s working hours so you have to call him to tell him. tells everyone to get the fuck out and considering how worked up he is, they do without any complaint.

carries you, literally bridal style, to his car.

again, an absolute wreck at the hospital. paces. won’t leave you to smoke though, you half wish he did, however, because he’s somewhat of a pain. jumping at every sound of pain you make, demanding Harper around, you can tell even Harper is annoyed.

but when it’s all done and over with, you have to almost pry the baby from his arms. tries to bottle feed it, but doesn’t get how to do it right. at least he’s trying.

hope you’re ready to be pregnant 24/7. he’s addicted :).

loves watching you breastfeed, if it's possible for you to do so.

#angelic songs #dol #degrees of lewdity #landry the criminal #wren the smuggler #.SMS SENT #☕ of dol

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eyesxxyou · 5 months

Note

Sorry 💚 anon you wont like this but i so have a mask kink. Smut ahead! Also gender isnt specific so anyone can read

Hearing the muffled groans and whimpers of pleasure coming behind the mask. Being able to use your imagination when your losing all your senses im the world. The enhightened senses of knowning whose under the mask but it feels like you dont. The way the mask makes their breathing and sounds groggily and so much more. Especially if its one of those days where your horny but so tired. (Gonna use hobie for this)

And hobie just comes through your window also having a tough tiring day. Seeing you trying to get off as you dont pay attention to your surroundings. So he goes over to you and traces his hand up your thigh. It makes your breath hitch as you whimper not expecting him to be back by now. His uses his fingers to start pleasuring you while he slowly takes off the bottom of his suit with his other free hand. He had gotten hard from seeing such a whiny little whore trying to please themselves even though you can barely do that without him. Before you reach his high from him fingering/jacking you off he stops finally having his dick out ready to fucking tease you with that shit. After already having you fucked out for him for a while his hands at the side of his head while his head is near one of his arms while he keeps thrusting inside of you. His groans and whimpers for you, panting only getting worse from the mask. In that position he cums in you, his masks eyes being more knit together as he cums in you. Then while still being inside of you as he changes the position with you. Your riding his cock and beg to be able to kiss him. Beg to see how much pleasure hes in, but his mask eyes show it somewhat but you beg to see his piercings and the way they glint. Finally when you cum on him (either on his cock or chest) he just slaps your ass telling you to continue riding him. Finally taking off his mask throwing it to the side as yall kiss, when he kisses you he chokes you a tad bit with his hand to gain a whimper from you. When pulling away from the kiss he still isnt finished as his breathing only gets heavier when he is near his high. Cumming in you when he is at his high and you get to see his beautiful face of pleasure while he does. So the second time around you got to see your pretty boy cum inside you while you were riding him and it makes you cum again being able to bring him so much pleasure.

Im so sorry if this was horrible guys if i wasnt so tired myself i couldve wrote this much better and much longer with many more kinks i have/know of

-🍄

AHHHH THIS WAS SO GOOD

#{eye's inbox}#{👁️ inbox}#🍄 anon

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okkottsus · 1 year

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I love reading your analysis of Nagireo!

One thing I was wondering, what do you think of Nagi (foreshadowed) future slump?

I feel like things will get dire for him, and I can't help but wonder how Reo would react.

Nagi feels very... emotionally immature and while Reo can be very fiery and we saw how emotional he can get, he's the one that feels more in touch with his own emotions and has better life experience.

For better or worse, being away from Reo forced Nagi to confront his own feelings more.

I wonder if Reo won't realize they got back together too early and leave him (this time maybe more amicably? Or maybe force himself to leave him) for his own sake.

Ego's dialog feels very ominous... they were very happy in that moment but there is a very sense of "now what?".

thank u so much, i feel like i never express myself well enough esp with characters and relationships im passionate abt so that means a lot 🥺

yeah i get what u mean about nagi's emotional immaturity...in the latest match, when isagi asked him how he was able to make his best play yet a reality, nagi didnt really understand what had happened. he only wanted to beat isagi, that has been his first goal, the first step to achieve the bigger dream he shares with reo.

and while he himself couldnt see that, reo was the first to notice despite everything that happened between them, so he created a chance for him to have a 1v1 with isagi.

the problem is that, as isagi points out later, if u dont understand how u made something happen, you probably wont be able to be consistent and replicate it (this has been a recurring theme of blk since the start of the manga):

a goal that u only made happen because u had the person who knows u the best and is your closest friend give you exactly what you need in the moment, has little value in the grand scheme of things. Without a clear goal and reo’s help, nagi wouldnt have been able to do something like that.

So the next step he should be taking is working on his weapons, instead of relying on the perfect opportunities reo can provide him with.

maybe its time for nagi to try and catch up to reo, and not only in terms of play-making

but also in terms of self awareness

i also love the fact that while reo can seem completely selfless when he declares this, he is also completely selfish, cause at the end of the day hes doing this for his dream, for himself. he loves playing with nagi and making him score goals, but his hard work which got him to where he is now doesnt rely on nagi being there, he hasnt abandoned himself in favor of nagi.

BUT he still seems to always choose nagi over anyone when they are playing together and even though my shipping heart is tempted, i think thats not a good thing at all... cause their cooperation may be top class, but it also makes them predictable after a while.

reo has learnt to play without nagi, but he needs to learn how play with nagi without forgetting everyone else on his team.

so the way i see it, reo has made more significant progress than nagi, but he still needs to work on seeing the bigger picture when nagi is by his side.

nagi on the other hand has even more things he needs to work on. he shouldnt feel reassured bc of that one (miracle) goal or bc he managed to beat isagi once. if he ended up satisfied with just that, then he wouldnt belong in the world of professional players

Ego is right when he said that confidence and delusion are 2 different things. Nagi needs the power that will enable him to fight alone in any situation and to obtain that power, he has to confront his feelings, his weapons and his shortcomings. and that demands soul searching, practice and a lot of thinking, all things i bet nagi thinks are a pain pftt.

but i want to be optimistic and think of this as another challenge he (actually, both of them) will have to conquer. im very conflicted though, cause the way i see it, what reo needs to work on now requires them to be on the same team, while what nagi needs to work on requires alone time.

in conclusion, things may have worked out between them in terms of understanding each other, but im hoping they start understanding themselves more; acknowledging their weaknesses and taking the necessary measures to overcome them.

i do think that reo the way he is now is more likely to realise what needs to be done than nagi, whose issues are the most urgent in my opinion. so i can def see them going their separate ways for a while again, whether its reo making that decision, or nagi, or both of them together (with the latter being the ideal for me).

#blue lock #blue lock spoilers #nagireo #reonagi #its kinda ironic that reo proved nagi needs him but he now has to realise thats not actually a good thing for him #nagi: im the best player in the world // ego: u're actually shit u delusional brat #hes not wrong im afraid

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1pando · 3 months

Text

My goodbye letter to tumblr

(Warning: I get very personal in this, please be careful when reading. there might be a few mistakes i made about stuff i said here)

Here's some context for what i'm saying here:

i joked about having sex with the corpse of a "proshipper" to piss off someone who had made art of orel murdering "proshippers" with a gun

i stole a "proshipper"'s nsfw fanfic and reposted it with a different ending

this vv

i would go on for paragraphs about the horrible stuff i've done in this fandom (some of which most people don't even know about), why i did it, why it's horrible and how sorry i am and how "I wOnT dO iT aGaIn I'lL bE a BeTtEr PeRsOn I dIdN't MeAn tO hUrT aNyOnE."

but honestly, everything that's out there is bad enough and talking in detail about everything i've done would be a waste of time that would never make me look any better (not that i care about that very much.) as much as i'm going to chew out themoralgoats later, they have a good reason to be disgusted at the squirrel stuff, and that is something i will give them credit for. some of the people in this fandom honestly don't deserve me. i've done some unspeakably horrible things that i don't know how i could even apologize for without fucking it up. ive tried to change, but it feels so much like it'll fail and i'll get worse no matter how hard i try. when i went to therapy, i was dumped from group therapy because "i hadn't made enough progress." when stuff like that happens honestly i don't know if i should trust any therapists when they could just abandon me when i'm not even finished. i can't promise i'll change because i'm too afraid that i'll break that promise. i am still very sorry for the terrible things i have done to people, though, and i can only hope that i will become a better person in the future.

I also have some extremely fucking choice words for all of the dumbasses on this fuckscape of an internet who think it's okay to compare "proshippers" to child rapists. i would love to argue how that isn't accurate, but i know you'll never listen. you're too close-minded to care because you involve pedophilia in this. you are in your rights to hate "proshipping," but the farthest you should ever take it is blocking them and moving on. so many people take it way too far and honestly I've been far too nice to their kind. fuck each and everyone of your brainlet asses. @themoralgoats in particular once barged into my discord DMs and asked me why i had something "problematic" in my ao3 bookmarks. like that's any of your fucking business. you also once dug up a toxic post i made to someone else that was almost a year old at the time to make me look like i was contradicting myself (would add a link to what they said but couldn't find it so yeah). you and so many others force their anti-proship ideologies onto others, making unnecessary callout posts that i'm almost certain you know will incite harassment yet you don't care. another person who i won't name decided to harass me anyway even after i took down my stolen "proship" fic and apologized for it. i could go on more about shit like this, but i'm getting tired talking about it. people like them are one of the reasons why sometimes i just hate humanity.

I will not be leaving the internet anytime soon. i don't owe anyone the gratification of me leaving the entire internet, especially when they're asshole fucktards like @themoralgoats. i've wanted to leave this site for a while, but barely had the motivation to do so until i've been called out for this. i'll be logging off instead of deactivating so people will still be able to read and spread this letter. good riddance to this fucking hellsite.

#moral orel #orel puppington #clay puppington

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lightyearssurrogatedaddy · 4 months

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magine crying and you wanna tell one of your friends why uou're crying because you want a bit of comfort. But you're afraid of coming in at a bad time like that one time and feeling so guilty about it because they're going through something worse and you cant you CANT talk to anyone because youre afraid everyone else wonfmt get it or wont pay you any attention but you wanan talk to SOMEONE about how youre feeling but you CANT cus even if you were allowed to and didnt have any fear youd still say absolutely nothing.

Oooohhhh i dont wanna b a bother to anyone theyre all going through shit absolute garbage and i know they say it doesnt take energy to care about me i STIL dont wanna bothr them because what if i catch them at a rrally really really bad time or what if i text someome and they dont have an answer and ignore me and the next time they text theyre gunna skip over what i told them and theyre gunna talk.about something else else.

I want a hug hug i want aomeone to tell me its okay but thats way too much to ask from them i dont wanna be a bother i dont wanna be a worry but i kust talked to my therapist today after a month of not being able to chat and we had to do it over phone while my mom was nearby cus we live in the small ass bus and i cant ask her to go outside cus its 11 degrees and i feel like i didnt say enough and now i just really really want a someone but no i dont wanna bother them its late and theres scjool tomorrow and school sucks and i dont want them feeling like they need to cater to my stupid ass.

Im sorry im so so sorry theyre gunna read this sometime and say soemthing really nice but im not gunna read the message for five hours and maybe ill try avoiding it alltogether cus i dont know i dont know why cant you be mean like i expect you to why cant you yell and curse at me like i expect you to why are you so NICE to me.???? Nono i know why but why man. Why in a rhetorical sense. Why in the how do you have the fucking energy for me.

Im sorry. Im done crying. Oh god man its fine i got my favorite stuffed animal and everything

I want a hug can you give me a hug please. I feel so selfish and cruel. Im so scared youre gunna turn on me one day because nobody can be that genuine. Aint nobody in the fucking world who can be this sweet and silly. Im so waiting im so worried i dont ever want that to happen but i feel like it really might even though i know it wont. Why have you never let uour anger out on me even when i deserved it. Im sorry i didnt want to text about this im just hoping this post will stay buried, cus maybe it comforts me knowing it exists and could be discovered by you, but theres the happy chance you never ever see this and i get to not talk about it ever again. My wonderful schrodingers cat is such a comfort to me because then i dont have to worry about an outcome that im positive will happen. I love my maybes.

#vent #tw vent

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pretendfan · 2 years

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{Roommates} EIGHT

(A/N By far this is my favourite chapter I’ve written yet for so many reasons (I’m gonna say this a lot🤣) sorry it’s a little later than planned but it’s here! I’m so excited for you to read it the countdown 👀has begun🍑I have also re-read/edited this so much I’ve given up if it’s trash let me know☠️)

(Pairing)

Adrian Chase x Female Reader

(Summary)

Desperately in need of a roommate, your co-worker knows a guy, but why did it have to be Adrian? The guy both annoyed and frustrated the hell out of you getting under your skin from the very moment that you had meet him.

But this was only temporary there was no need to complicate things by really getting to know one another or even worse catch feels along the way. Sure it had been a while for both of you but hooking up with your roommate was a terrible idea…wasn’t it?

(Words)

8186

(Warnings)

Mentions of ex, idiots in love, mutual pining, canon type violence from Vij, fluff and heart eyes , the heat is rising and the tension is now boiling…Friends still aren’t helping them, 18+ ONLY

{EIGHT}

This was bliss, there was nothing better in the world then standing under a hot shower lost in your own thoughts, whilst trying to figure out what you were going to do today.

Finally you had a day off from work leaving the coffee shop in the hands of Conor, which briefly makes you wonder what kind of shit will he have left for you to sort out, but right now you couldn’t care less.

Rinsing out the shampoo from your hair you sigh and a smile spreads across your face, today had the possibility of being good you just knew it.

“Are you nearly done in there?” You hear Adrian yell assuming he was outside the bathroom but moving the shower curtain an inch, you spot him standing right there in front of you, fresh from sleep and just in his boxers.

“What the hell-“

“I need a shower and you are like taking forever.” Adrian states simply like him just walking in here was normal and not an invasion of privacy.

“Don’t just barge in here-“

“Er, the door was open actually I would never just come in here!” Adrian cuts you off with a annoyed voice aimed right at you.

“It’s my day off-“

“Yeah, and I should be at work but I’m running so late it’s all your fault.” Adrian demands waving a hand in your direction whilst you stay as hidden as you can behind the blue shower curtain.

“Dude, this isn’t my fault I-“

“Can I join you quickly? I will be like two minutes tops.” Adrian cuts you off in a pleading voice even places his hands together in front of him making your roommate look very desperate.

“Ok, fine! But no looking keep your eyes to yourself and be quick.” You explain firmly moving away from the shower curtain wondering why the hell had you just agreed to this but it was too late now.

“I promise I won’t look, I’ll be a gentleman honest plus I owe you one for this!” Adrian steps into the bath behind you whilst you force yourself not to turn round even though the urge to do so was suddenly very strong.

“Ok, the shower head needs to be aimed higher you really are short aren’t you?” Adrian chuckles and without asking he steps closer, moving the shower head so the spray of hot water hits him as well.

“You can step back now.” You inform him slowly not moving a muscle in case skin brushed against skin by accident, because it would literally make you combust right now.

“Want me to scrub your back?” Jokes Adrian who you see moves back in your peripheral vision but he still takes up so much room, even in the shower.

“No, I’m good.” You inform him quickly cleaning yourself with your sponge so you could hurry things along and escape the bathroom somehow.

“You can move back a bit you know, I wont bite unless-

“Are you finished yet?” You cut off Adrian’s teasing desperately wanting this to be over, because it was torture not being able to turn round and look at him.

Smelling Adrian’s lime shower gel makes you smile to yourself because you had smelled it on him, when you’d hugged the guy the other night the memory makes you dip your head as a smile appears across your face.

“You know, we should do this more often.”Begins Adrian with a chuckle when he must see you shake your head so he adds “Don’t you want to save the environment by sharing a shower, I can scrub your back you can scrub mine and I can wash your-“

“Ok, enough!” You cry out frustrated beyond belief that your shower had been interrupted by Adrian, and now your head was full of thoughts that absolutely had no right being there.

“Do you want a towel as well?” Adrian asks waving one in your direction, once you have switched off the shower, and you silently take it from him then nod your thanks.

Wrapping the towel around yourself quickly you turn around finally to see Adrian standing there close beside you, without his glasses a stupid smile playing on his lips as you look up to study his wet hair, especially the curls that were stuck against his forehead.

“What’s wrong-“

Adrian stops talking when you place a hand up close to his face to brush away the wet curls, unable to resist the urge to touch him anymore.

“Thanks.” Adrian smiles lazily looking down at you whilst you want to repeat the process over and over, running your whole hand through his wet hair, then you could pull his face closer to yours so you could…

“N-no problem.” You tell him turning away quickly to step out of the bath feeling heat sting your cheeks suddenly as you race out of the bathroom.

Closing his eyes Adrian decides that was in fact a terrible idea one he was very surprised that you had agreed to, but catching the way you had just looked at him meant that he was now hard as rock, which was the worst possible timing ever.

Rushing out of the bathroom he thankfully makes it to his room, no time to deal with his erection so he starts to get dressed instead, hoping that by the time he got to putting on his boxers and work trousers he would be ok.

Already so late for work he knew today was going to be shit despite the fun shower, which he would have to not think about because when he did it caused his boxers to start tenting again, which wouldn’t be ideal in the middle of the restaurant.

Groaning to himself Adrian starts thinking about all the chances he had missed in the shower, all because of that look you’d given him after you had brushed his hair aside both your body and eyes telling him so much but giving so little away.

Sure things had gotten flirty recently and the natural progression would be for someone to make a move, that was how it worked right? Finally dressed for work Adrian races out of his bedroom less concerned, about losing his job he hopes to see you but you must be in your room so he has no time for a quick goodbye.

You needed a distraction of some kind and quick, because this was shaping up to be the crappiest day off you’ve had in a long while, and it was all Adrian’s fault seeing how you needed to blame someone.

The tall, goofy but very handsome dude was fully occupying your brain causing it to rot or that’s what it felt like whilst you watched TV mindlessly recalling how sexy Adrian had looked with his wet curls and that goddamn confident smile.

Switching off the TV with a groan you decide that you needed to head out and leave the apartment for a couple of hours , because the walls currently felt like they were closing in on you so you needed to make a quick exit.

It was already mid afternoon so you decide to go for a walk, maybe call up Lara even because you had so much tell her but you could just see her laughing at you and your predicament down the phone.

How could you have done so little in one day? Why didn’t you have any hobbies or other friends that didn’t tease you even though you knew you wouldn’t change Lara for anything, she was your bestie through and through.

The answer to your question was obvious you couldn’t focus on anything besides Adrian, you had been in a more flirty mood for the past few days but now you were frustrated because you needed some attention, and you knew just the guy who had no idea you felt that way.

Of course you could take the lead and show him just how desperate you were but the thought of being rejected physically, hurt so you shelved that idea instantly, it was time you went out with Lara and started to distance yourself from your roommate.

“So, got anything to tell me about Adrian because I know you want to talk about him?” Lara questions with a laugh when she finally answers the call.

“Nothing new to report we are still roommates and everything is good-“

“Oh really? So Adrian didn’t punch that idiot Rob at the bar you went to last night thanks for the invite by the way!” Lara ask in an innocent voice that descends into teasing within seconds.

“How do you-“

“I went to Karma coffee earlier and Scott was very informative on the whole thing, did you really throw yourself at Adrian?” Lara questions sarcastically.

“Ugh, ok I did go to the bar with Scott and Adrian and yeah Rob appeared but Adrian didn’t hit him he just warned him-“

“Did you swoon? Being saved by Adrian yet again he couldn’t be anymore obvious you two need to hurry up at this point.”

“Nothing happened! I just gave him a quick hug to say thanks that is all.” You explain to Lara with an annoyed voice because you needed to have a word with Scott when you saw him next.

“That’s cute but what he really needs is-“

“I didn’t call you to discuss what Adrian needs actually I am bored and wanted a talk but you’re not helping me right now.” You explain with a sigh having found yourself at the park near Hayworth stopping at a bench which you quickly sit at.

“Ok, so talk to me? How was Adrian this-“

“Lara, you are not funny!” You cut off your friend then explain how your morning had gone not mentioning the shower because you weren’t sure you could stand even more teasing.

“Someone is grumpy-“

“I just need something to do, hell I’ve gone for a walk I’m so bored, on my day off it never happens I just need a distraction.” You explain quickly dropping your head onto the wooden bench then lifting it up when you hear Lara chuckle.

“Are you really asking me for something to do? I don’t know go and watch a film, or go shopping, fuck go and back a cake-“

“I could make some cupcakes!” You cut off Lara the idea makes you smile you had a distraction finally.

“Yeah that sounds fun, now can I get back to work if your not going to tell me anything about you and your roommate.” Lara scoffs down the phone at you.

“Well-“ You begin then stop teasingly to annoying Lara who obviously picks up on your tone of voice so you simply say “We did share a shower this morning.”

“What-“

Hanging up the phone you laugh as you imagine Lara’s face from that little revelation, but then your smile disappears when you realise that you now had a lot of explaining to do.

Of course Lara calls you eight times in a row and leaving two very rude voicemails, making you eventually concede and call her back, whilst you were in the small grocery store near the apartment.

Only here to grab some baking supplies because you wasn’t sure what you had indoors but it wasn’t as if you baked often, in fact you normally hated it but this second you was on a mission.

“What do you mean you shared a shower with him?” Lara questions loudly instead of saying hello whilst sounding out of breath as well.

“Just that, it was nothing I shouldn’t have even mentioned it-“

“I need details, I’m on my break and outside the office give me all the details how long is-“

“We respectfully kept our distance and it was no big deal, plus I didn’t peak a look before you ask!” You cut off Lara ignoring her question and the scoffing noises that follow.

“Well that was a fucking huge waste! Did nothing happen at all?” Lara asks you with an unsatisfied whine.

You recall the look on Adrian’s face as you moved his wet hair gently away from his forehead, lips parted as a smile played cheekily between them noticing how dark his pupils had gone the image makes you groan out loud.

“Is that what you need a distraction from? Thinking about Adrian in the shower well there is an obvious answer to that and it involves getting back in the shower and using the shower head.” Laughs Lara loudly making you smile but roll your eyes regardless.

“At this point I would break the shower-“

“This is totally ridiculous you know that right? There was a dude in the shower with you and you did nothing.” Lara sighs then adds “Do I need to come by the apartment and knock both your heads together!”

“No! Let’s just leave it there, I told you that shower thing in confidence don’t mention it out loud when you’re in the coffee shop next ok.” You reply sulkily realising suddenly you were still in the store staring at the cartons of eggs.

“Of course! I know we all tease you but its just we care about you and it sounds like right now you need a big slice of Adrian in your life.”

“That is the last thing I need I’m going now before I get chucked out of the store for loitering, I know you care but I’m fine ok!” You reply lamely then once you say your goodbyes end the call quickly.

Standing alone in your kitchen you try and remain quiet whilst baking because Adrian was in his bedroom, and you didn’t want to see him right this second, covered in flour whilst making the frosting which you were mixing together but it was still quite watery and an unappetising colour.

What the hell had you done wrong? Dropping the bowl back onto the counter you decide to start again maybe use more cream this time, and not knock over the vanilla extract bottle because that was all you could smell right now.

Adrian opens his bedroom door to see you standing in the kitchen with your back to him, things seemed ok between you albeit a little awkward since showering together, but he wasn’t going to suggest doing that ever again.

Deciding to make things the opposite of awkward, which was his specialty Adrian heads over to you noticing as he gets nearer that you were trying to bake, but it just looked like you had just made a huge mess instead.

“What is happening here?” Asks Adrian stopping beside you at the counter arching an eyebrow when he spots the flour all over the place, including you.

“Obviously I’m baking.” You reply with a scoff then add more timidly “Or at least I’m supposed to be.”

“Need a hand?” Adrian asks then adds before you can reply “ I’m pretty good in the kitchen as you are well aware.”

“Ok, sure.” You nod with a grin looking up at Adrian finally then regretting it instantly when you notice him staring at you blatantly.

“Do I have something on my face?” You ask which breaks the spell because Adrian grins and nods back.

“Yeah, you are covered in flour but it makes you look super cute.” Adrian bites his bottom lip after he says this waiting for your response, his green eyes watching you with continued interest.

“Could it be my new look?” You ask him in a flirty tone which makes him nod in agreement.

Grabbing a kitchen towel from the side Adrian slowly holds it up closer to your face, then silently he wipes away the flour, there is so much it makes both of you laugh at the same time.

Adrian looks down at you taking in the smile that is teasing across your lips, making him wish that he hadn’t come out here but he needed to grab a drink, and of course inadvertently see you.

“So you’ve made the cakes?” Adrian begins noticing the sponge cakes cooling on a wire rack beside the oven, but then his eye drop to the bowl of frosting which looked like it needed to be chucked in the trash.

“Yeah, I need to just make some new frosting I somehow messed this lot up.” You shrug with a quick lift of your right shoulder.

“I can totally help with that if you want?” Adrian asks with an arched eyebrow his face breaking into a sweet smile when you nod back at him.

This was how you found yourself joking with Adrian whilst you watched him make the frosting, adding it to a yellow paper pipe bag with ease, watching him and his large hands at work was very distracting, the absolute opposite of what you needed right now.

“Let’s add some frosting to these cupcakes I totally can’t wait to try one.” Adrian grins down at you with a light chuckle escaping his mouth when he notices your face.

“Who said you could eat them?” You question making Adrian’s face fall as he pretends to look, sad pouty lips and all which makes your stomach flutter at the same time.

“Let’s see what this tastes like then.” Adrian states as he pipes out some yellow coloured frosting on his finger to try.

But before he can put it in his mouth you find yourself quickly leaning forward to suck the frosting clean from the tip of his finger, which makes your eyes widen because one the buttercream tasted delicious and secondly why did you just do that?

Catching Adrian’s Adam’s apple bob several times you watch as he quickly turns away focusing on icing the cakes, so much for not being flirty anymore you were now just straight up embarrassing the guy.

Unable to resist teasing Adrian just a little bit more you knew exactly how to tip him over the edge, this was you now throwing the ball into his court to see what he would do in return.

On the counter you had cut up fruit in two small cups ready to put then on top of the cupcakes, just various berries and such so choosing half of a strawberry you pick it up and hold it out for him to take.

But when he tries to take it from your hand you silently shake your head, so Adrian takes a step closer then slowly opens his lips as you glide the sweet fruit into his mouth, the tips of your fingers touching his lips softly whilst his eyes have you pinned in place with their dark green stare.

Before you can move your hand away Adrian grabs onto your wrist his thumb brushing against your pulse point, letting him know exactly what kind of affect he was having on you right now softly rubbing the pad of his thumb over your skin.

“Is this finally happening?” Adrian asks with a chuckle looking down at you with a cheeky grin his hand still firmly attached to your wrist.

“Is what-“

Gently pulling you towards him Adrian cuts you off as he dips his head down, and seconds later your lips finally meet the connection making you gasp, which he welcomes by spreading deeper kisses into your mouth that you gratefully accept.

You move your other hand to the back of Adrian’s head grabbing at some of his curly hair pushing his face closer to yours, to keep him exactly there which makes a sweet moan escape from his lips like music to your ears.

Feeling your body react to the hottest kiss that you have had in ages you lean firmly into Adrian’s body, who pulls you flush against him hands placed on your hips whilst his obvious arousal rubs against the top of your thigh.

On the verge of either passing out or removing all your clothes at breakneck speed, a series of knocks on the front door makes you quickly spring away from Adrian gasping for air, briefly noticing how wrecked your roommate looked in front of you.

Lips red and swollen Adrian’s eyes looked black his pupils blown wide as he stared down at you with a lazy smile on his face, that has you instantly wanting to kiss him all over again but another loud knock has you finally looking away.

Walking on shaky legs you cannot believe how dazed you feel on what was essentially a first kiss, one that actually didn’t suck or leave you internally cringing when instead you were incredibly turned on.

Opening the front door momentarily expecting either Lara or Scott to be there seeing how their mission in life was purely to annoy you, you are surprised to see no one there but there is a small brown envelope on the floor which instantly makes you feel dread seep into your mood killing it on sight.

“W-who was it?” Adrian asks making you quickly bend down to pick up the small envelope then hide it up the arm sleeve of your raglan tee shirt.

“No one, but maybe it was a sign?” You try to joke but it falls flat when you spot the face that Adrian pulls trying to hide it as he turns to place the finished cupcakes into the fridge to cool.

“Yeah, lucky it happened before we got too carried away.” Adrian replies finally looking away from the closed fridge door with a fake looking smile plastered on his face.

This makes you realise that perhaps he was warning you, what had just happened wouldn’t be happening again it had been an accident, a sexy one at that but you could hear what he wasn’t staying with words loud and clear.

“This is why I don’t bake very often.” You begin biting your bottom lip hard as you add lamely “I become irresistible.”

“Well it had sure worked on me.” Adrian states in a deep voice which makes your heart flip and a warm heat spreads low in your stomach.

You were back to looking at one another awkwardly having gone completely full circle, today making you wonder if you were going to laugh about this soon, or it would now become a thing between you which was the last thing you wanted right now.

“I-I need to go grab something.” You announce suddenly then before Adrian can reply, you head off to your room to hide because you were a coward.

Meanwhile Adrian was glaring at the fridge annoyed at himself for kissing you, doing the one thing he had promised himself he wouldn’t, even though he wanted nothing more than to do it again right now.

You had tasted better than he ever imagined and when you had pushed your body hard against his, he could’ve easily guided you to his bed from here but whoever had been at the door had put an obvious end to that idea.

Either way the fact you had joked off what had just happened so easily surely meant that you were trying to let him down, he couldn’t figure it out but feeling like an idiot was priority for him right now because he felt like the biggest one on the planet, why did he kiss you?

Adrian knew exactly why because you had looked so good standing there in front of him and he just couldn’t fight it anymore, hell he had even wanted to kiss you in the shower but now all he felt was deep regret, even though he could still feel your lips on his it had been so worth the agonising wait.

Thankful to have been stuck at work for a double shift today, on a Sunday no less, you had successfully avoided Adrian this morning even though you had never left your room last night after running away like an idiot.

Because instead of saying how you had felt to Adrian you instead decided to make a lame joke, ignoring the obvious continued tension between you both, whilst trying so bad to forget the look Adrian had given you before you left the kitchen.

Seeing that it was now just after nine at night you lock up the store after cashing up with Phoebe by your side, because she was waiting for her new boyfriend to come and pick her up for their late date.

“He’s basically taking me back to his apartment, but it still counts as a date right?” Phoebe asks with a smirk at least someone was having more fun than you were right now.

“I’m a little off on these things seeing how I haven’t dated in forever but yeah it’s a date I guess.” You nod back noticing Phoebe wasn’t even looking in your direction whilst she was like always glued to her phone.

Rolling your eyes you decide to wait with Phoebe for the appearance of the latest guy who had become obsessed with the barista, it wasn’t because you didn’t want to see Adrian of course, even though you were so tired and bed was calling to you right now.

Today had been a bad day to leave your car at home having decided that the walk wasn’t that bad, plus you were running low on gas and needed to rectify that pretty soon not having long enough this morning to fill up your car, which was the real reason why you were now supposed to walk home.

All this chaos because you had hardly slept a wink last night replaying the kiss with Adrian over and over in your head, leaving you unable to think properly and make any right decisions seeing how today had to totally sucked, you also kinda missed seeing your roomie despite the fact you were trying to avoid him.

“Hey sweetness hey hotness! Wait up!” Yells a male voice appearing from the shadows of the small lot behind Karma Coffee, wishing you had stood out the front of the store instead but here you were.

“Just ignore them-“

“We’re not going anywhere?” Phoebe cuts your warning off by engaging with the two dudes, who are stumbling over clearly drunk and ready to finish your shit day off.

“Look at you two! Out h-here by yourselves you don’t know who you might run i-into!” One of the guys who had undefinable features hiccups then proceeds to burp loudly into his hand which makes you visibly shudder.

“My boyfriend will be here soon and he’s gonna kick your ass!” Phoebe snaps in disgust at the guys who snort at one another then descend into childish giggles like a pair of idiots.

“We ain’t afraid! We are here for you two I’ve got a real urge to stick something-“

“Look, just get the fuck out of here!” You yell in annoyance then instantly regret it when you spot the other undistinguishable dickhead sneer in your direction.

“Who the fuck is gonna stop us? No one will ever hear you scream-“

“If I may interject.” States another male voice loudly as they appear from behind a car in the small lot and you instantly recognise them, you just can’t believe they are here right now.

“Do you see who that-“

Phoebe stops you mid sentence because just like you she holds her hand up to her mouth when you both bear witness to the anti hero Vigilante, throwing some kind of weapon directly at one of the idiots and hitting the jackpot AKA their chest.

“Now, you don’t talk to women like that!” Vigilante shouts incredulously as if that was too fucking obvious the thought brings a smile to your face, but soon disappears when you see the masked crusader punch the other guy so hard even you feel it as he falls to the floor.

Phoebe makes you jump by grabbing both hands on your arm, and giving you a firm shake making you risk a look in her direction to see that she is practically swooning, it was pretty embarrassing.

Meanwhile Vigilante continues to kick the ass of the one remaining idiot who won’t be beaten, until he gets knocked to the floor causing the anti hero to stand his large boot on his stomach, then proceeds to kicks the crap out of him.

“I want to have his babies!” Phoebe announces not so subtly causing Vigilante himself to look up whilst you roll your eyes at your co worker.

With one final kick both idiots stay down on the floor each in a crumpled heap of their own doing, whilst Vigilante claps his hands together visibly excited, as he steps over the drunks which makes Phoebe start shaking your arm once again.

“I sure kicked their asses! Are you both ok?” Vigilante finally stops in front of you both but at a little distance standing tall with his hands placed on his hips.

“We need to get home-“

“Do you know who I am?“ Vigilante cuts you off with a ridiculous question that makes you scoff to yourself.

“Talk about being a big headed jerk.” You mutter to yourself but Phoebe gives you a look because she had clearly just heard what you had just said.

“Of course we know who you are!” Giggles Phoebe on an obvious mission to make this guys head twice it’s size by the end of this random interaction.

Feeling Phoebe nudge you hard in your right side you add quickly “ Yeah sure you are the serial killer running around-“

“Hey! I just saved you the least you can do is thank me and not be mean about it.” Vigilante points a gloved finger at you which makes you scoff yet again.

“Thanks then I guess!” You shrug both your shoulders causing Phoebe to tut at you clearly siding with the weirdo in the black and blue suit.

“Y/N be nice! We are both so grateful for your help dude-“

“It’s just Vigilante, but that wasn’t so hard as it!?” Vigilante waves his hand as if he was making a point but he just ends up looking like an idiot.

“Look, I don’t know what your deal is so sure thanks for helping us but we really should-“

“Do you need me to walk you home?” Vigilante asks you both looking from yourself to Phoebe with a nod of his masked head.

“I’m waiting for my boyfriend if you hang around he might kick your ass.” Phoebe announces making you roll your eyes in her direction.

“Boyfriend?!” Vigilante scoffs then quickly recovering himself points at you again then asks “ I can walk you home then?”

“I have pepper spray in my purse dude, I don’t need your help.” You shake your head hoping this guy would get the hint and leave, sure it was kinda cool he saved you from those guys but you literally had it covered you were sure.

Folding his arms across his chest Vigilante stands there in silence for a moment whilst Phoebe giggles awkwardly, you needed to get back to the apartment like now.

“Look, I’ve had enough-“

You stop talking when Vigilante unfolds his arm and takes a few steps closer to you both, which makes you instantly make a grab for the aforementioned pepper spray in your purse aiming it in his direction.

“Hey!” Vigilante calls holding both his gloved hands up in front of him adding “No need for the pepper spray I’m not a creep or anything!”

“Yeah, he saved us y’know!” Phoebe nods in Vigilante’s direction who claps his praise whilst you wished you were anywhere but here right now.

“Like I said, just let me walk you home-“

“No, because you are a killer and I don’t want you to know where I live.” You cut off Vigilante firmly whilst Phoebe yet again tuts at you clearly siding with the sociopath in front of us.

Vigilante scoffs at this but you don’t care because thankfully a car finally appears round the back of the coffee shop, which makes Phoebe clap her hands signalling that it must be her boyfriends meaning that this night could finally end.

“Can you give me a ride home?” You ask the blonde at the front who nods once in agreement making you rush into the back seat whilst Phoebe sits next to the guy with a playful wink.

Phoebe waves goodbye to Vigilante whilst you watch the guy from the back seat whose masked face is staring directly back, causing you to look away first, but you would never admit it if it ever came up in conversation.

Turning the corner of the small lot Adrian takes off his mask thankful for the feeling of cool air on his skin because maybe that hadn’t been a great idea, watching his roommate because things had gotten worse since the kiss but he had literally just saved her and Phoebe, so that had been a great moment.

Adrian would have much rather just shot those two drunks but he hasn’t wanted to freak you or Phoebe out, so instead he just kicked the crap out of them ending in the barista clearly thankful but you were indifferent to say the least.

So much for being a super hero in your eyes anytime soon Adrian thinks to himself, yet still far from done with his patrol he pulls on the black mask once again then heads south on foot, so many criminals so little time, it was just the distraction he needed right now.

“Well someone needs to work on making a better first impression on dudes.” Phoebe announces once you get out of her boyfriend’s car giving your co worker a funny look for her efforts.

“The guy is a sociopath-“

“I felt some hot vibes between you two.” Giggles Phoebe who then adds quickly “But he does look really hot in his suit.”

“You don’t even know who the guy-“

“Let’s roll.” Announces Phoebe’s boyfriend who you aren’t introduced to but with a final wave the car speeds off into the night, what a fucking day.

Finally inside the apartment you feel a little empty inside when you realise that Adrian wasn’t home, you had been hoping to see him so you could talk about how you had literally just met Vigilante, but instead you are met with dead silence.

Feeling stupid for basically sulking you recall how you were in fact avoiding Adrian thanks to that scorching kiss in the kitchen that had held such promise, but you could never let it happen again the guy himself had put you in your place.

Just friends, you could obviously do that seeing how you liked the guy, clearly a little too much but it would be easy to stop flirting with him rather than give him the wrong idea, wouldn’t it?

Shaking your head you quickly head to the kitchen to make yourself some food, a half assed ham and cheese sandwich which didn’t look that tasty but you needed to eat something before you passed out in your bed.

Which you do in between mouthfuls of sandwich whilst undressing from your uniform, dropping clothes on the floor limply because even that was an effort you decide after finishing your food you drop your head onto your pillow and try to forget, everything.

Adrian stops outside Karma coffee right before Scott goes to push open the bright blue wooden door, wondering to himself if this was a good idea coming to visit you here blindly following his friend was his legit excuse to this exercise.

“What’s wrong dude?” Scott asks you catching the look you give the door like you were walking to the electric chair, not to the woman who had gotten so under your skin recently that you felt like a man moments away from dying.

“I’m fine-“

“Let’s go see your girlfriend then!” Scott cheers loudly causing Adrian to glare back at his friend with obvious comic timing that he is unaware of, seeing how his friend chuckles back.

Pushing open the door Scott walks in backwards whilst wiggling his eyebrows at Adrian, who choses to ignore him otherwise someone was gonna get hit in the face.

The moment you notice Adrian walking into the shop, because you had been looking out for him even though you would never admit it of course, and here he was sadly he had Scott with him who wasn’t working today.

But the shop could use him right now because the lunch queue was long and winding not quite out the door yet but enough to warrant needing everyone to help out, whilst Conor obviously sat in his office hidden in plain sight.

Having almost forgotten about the small brown envelope you’d found yesterday, this morning you had woken up to it staring at you knowing full well who it was from because your ex had called you three times last night.

You had been dead to the world thanks to whatever yesterday was and had missed said calls thankfully but it had still left a bad taste in your mouth, which meant you had thrown away the envelope without even looking at it, there was just no need.

Adrian notices you staring into space despite how busy the shop was looking pretty adorable as you stared at one spot on the counter, until Phoebe nudges you hard with her elbow and then yells at Scott to get behind the register.

“But I’m not working-“

“Just do it!” Phoebe snaps at him causing several people to look round noticing the exchange between the baristas.

Grudgingly Scott curses under his breath as he heads round the back of the counter leaving Adrian watching him with a smirk on his face, that’s what he got for trying to piss him off.

You watch as Adrian stands to one side whilst you all work as a team despite Scott winding up Phoebe seconds later, which makes you roll your eyes because these two were idiots, always at the worst times.

Eventually the line goes down and you look up to catch Adrian staring at you with his hands shoved in the front pockets of his jeans, green eyes following your every move until he finally looks away, caught out.

“Do you want a drink?” You ask Adrian who leans off the wall and approaches the counter whilst the others dealt with the few remaining customers.

“Sure, my usual-“

“Caramel drink.” You finish for Adrian who grins down at you whilst you find yourself smiling back, lost in the moment and the memory of his lips on yours which instantly makes your cheeks redden.

“Seen anything new about the masked Vigilante-“

“Oh my god, Adrian! You would not believe what happened to me and Y/N!” Phoebe shouts with obvious glee at having some gossip to share.

“Oh! What happened?” Adrian asks with a weird smile appearing on his face that you chose to ignore but can’t when it descends into a smug confident grin causing you to stare.

“Well, it was so intense-“

“Yeah we met Vigilante himself last night.” You state with an eye roll aimed at Adrian who looks away.

“You two met Vigilante last night?” Scott questions whilst giving Adrian a funny look you notice the barista shaking his head as well looking incredulous.

“Y/N threatened him with pepper spray!” Phoebe cries out pointing a finger at you with a loud scoff.

“I don’t know who he even is he could be some kind of creep!” You retort back giving Phoebe a firm look.

“I’ve heard he can’t be trusted around brunettes.” Scott jokes whilst giving you a smug look that you chose to ignore whatever point he was trying to get at with that line.

“He isn’t a creep!” Adrian snaps making you look back at him in shock whilst Phoebe of all people nods in agreement with him.

“He’s hot so he can’t be creepy.” Phoebe states with a shrug like that was literally the end of the conversation.

You notice Adrian’s face go red from Phoebe’s comment which was weird, but it somehow makes you jealous that you hadn’t elicited the same response from him yourself especially after yesterday.

Adrian in fact choses to ignore you in favour of continuing to talk to Phoebe which of course puts you in a mood, this was really getting old fast was your roommate trying to wind you up on purpose, or were you just acting jealous for reasons obvious to everyone besides you.

That wasn’t it surely…

How had your weekend gone so badly? Well besides a couple of key events that lingered a little too much on your mind, leaving you hoping that it would happen again, perhaps in another lifetime but not in this one.

Finishing your latest shift at the same time that Scott does on a Tuesday afternoon, you go to nod and say a very quick goodbye but he catches you off guard with a very confusing statement.

“I just got a message from Adrian for you to go meet him at work tonight.” Scott tells you with a smile, whilst you watch to see if there is a punchline or not.

“Really? Why didn’t he just message me.” You ask Scott who shrugs and genuinely looks innocent so much so that you actually believe him.

That was your first mistake, you realise when you walk into Fennel Fields dropping your car keys into your bag, noticing the how busy the place was but besides this two young women stand by the service desk chatting away ignoring you giving them both a pointed look.

“Hey, is Adrian around-“

You stop talking when you spot the guy in question carrying two large jugs of water towards a large table of eight people, clearly he was still working and you realise all too late that Scott had set this up.

Looking back at the two young women who are eyeing you warily you try to make your escape hoping that your roommate wouldn’t see you but moments later a familiar voice makes you close your eyes in frustration.

“Y/N? What are you doing here!” Adrian asks appearing next to you whilst you plaster a smile on your face back at him.

“Me? I-I came here to eat.” You tell Adrian with a nonchalant shrug aimed in his direction.

“So you came straight from work to come see me?” Adrian questions with a playful smile that momentarily floors you but you try to ignore that thought and the smile on your lips that follows.

“There is an obvious answer to this but that isn’t it.” You tell him which only makes his smile widen showing off his dimples without any warning.

“Well I am still working till eight but Jenny here can seat you and I totally recommend the mozzarella sticks.” Adrian states with a wink which makes your cheeks go red within seconds watching as he walks off.

“Follow me please.” Jenny tells you in a clipped voice so you do not sure how you had ended up here and even more so why you we’re staying.

Ordering a drink and of course the mozzarella sticks you sit at the small table, with a chair opposite you suddenly feeling starving because you had forgotten to eat lunch, it was a good excuse as any to stick around here then.

Service is fast despite how busy the restaurant was which according to the signs around the place , boasting about genuine Italian cuisine but you wouldn’t know because this was your first time here.

“The mozzarella sticks are dope right?” Adrian questions whilst sitting down in the seat opposite, you a wide smile on his face whilst you nod in agreement.

“They were really good-“

“So why are you here roomie, did you miss me?” Adrian cuts you off with a question that you didn’t want to answer in case you annoyed the guy in front of you.

“Of course I missed-“

“It isn’t because Scott told you I had messaged him then?”Adrian asks then rolling his eyes comically adds “Because I know he did do that but it is kind of cool you hung around.”

“Scott’s a dick-“

“I better get back to work will be round again in a few!”Adrian says quickly then seconds later you are left alone again at your table.

You do notice the two female hosts from earlier watching you once again, but then you groan when you catch them both approaching you at breakneck speed across the restaurant to directly in front of your table.

“How do you know Adrian? Are you like his girlfriend or something?” The one named Jenny asks you her blue eyes watching you with a mixture of mirth and disgust in equal measures.

“No we are just roommates I-“

“Oh! You’re the roommate?” The other host with blonde hair and a smug look on her face asks like they already knew all about you, the thought isn’t very comforting.

“He’s such a weirdo-“

“Adrian doesn’t give a fuck what you two think of him and neither do I so-“

“I said don’t embarrass me!” Adrian scolds the hosts who both rush off leaving you alone with your roommate again who had clearly heard you defending him.

“You’re right I don’t give a fuck about them.” Adrian nods with a smile once again sitting down opposite you making you notice, not for the first time how strangely good he looked in his work uniform.

The burgundy shirt that framed his wide shoulders with a couple of buttons undone at the top, plus the hat made him look cute but you lock those thoughts down before they escalated into something far worse.

“I hope they didn’t embarrass you, I may have mentioned you a couple of times but neither of them believed you existed but you proved them wrong!” Adrian stated with an easy smile.

“Yay for existing!” You joke with a laugh which makes Adrian’s smile spread wider.

“I love your-“

“Chase! What are you doing?” Yells a loud male voice which makes Adrian spin round in his seat then look incredibly caught out at the same time.

Shit! Adrian cannot believe that Rick has caught him not working yet again, because the last thing he wanted right now was to be yelled at in front of you, but it hasn’t happened yet.

Looking up at his boss Adrian is surprised to see the look passing his features, it kind of looks like shock to him but then he grins down at you and instantly Adrian starts to panic.

“Chase, you can take your break early and spend it with your girlfriend, who looks like she came all the way over her to see you.” Rick states in a shocked voice whilst your mouth fall open and Adrian glances over at you quickly.

“Appreciate it Rick.” Adrian nods at him with a smile whilst his manager still looked confused for you even being here, which makes you feel bad for your roommate.

“That is so sweet of you!” You tell this Rick guy whilst Adrian spins back in his seat to face you with a look of wonder on his face.

“Finally I get treated right around here!” Adrian smirks at you and then adds with a chuckle “It’s all thanks to you!”

“Well I did say that I owed you.” You remind Adrian with a cheeky smile.

“Much appreciated, but you should come by more often to see me.” Adrian states with a wink that makes your heart flutter, this was a reoccurring problem that didn’t need addressing right this second.

“It’s a date!” You tell him then instantly want to shove the words back into your mouth when you notice the look that passes across Adrian’s face.

“That was a joke right?” Adrian asks you in a low voice leaning across the table.

“A bad choice of words is all it was, but I will come by again to see you soon if you want?” You ask Adrian who nods back with a smile.

“Can’t keep away can you?” Adrian laughs when he spots you rolling your eyes back at him.

“Get back to work, Chase.” You tell him with a grin but it widens into a full on smile when you notice his neck start to go red, at the same time he automatically rubs one of his hands there.

“Ha, good one!” Adrian pretends to laugh then heads back on his shift, but not before he pays for your food, before you can which makes you smile but you tell yourself to get a grip, again.

You basically had a crush on your roommate which obviously wasn’t breaking news, but you needed to get over it otherwise you didn’t know where you would end up with him next.

The best thing to do was to keep your distance but even that wasn’t working, seeing how you couldn’t keep yourself away, you needed another night out with Lara and fast.

{TAGLIST} comment to join❤️

@angiekurosaki @joelsgun @aprilfire18 @likeficsinthewnd @druigss @tiannamortis @dazzledamazon @uncle-eggy

#adrian chase x female reader #vigilante x female reader #roommates fic #new chapter #slow burn to eventual smut #fluff and heart eyes #adrian chase fan fics #adrian chase #vigilante #freddie stroma #peacemaker #adrian chase is a babe #please enjoy #part one of the series

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piqued-curiosity · 1 year

Note

#misogyny isn’t okay just because you don’t like somebody

but you have shielded the people that was about repeatedly.

Just soon back you were reblogging black pills and telling us, oh stupid bi women, stop getting "hung up on" being called dick worshipers, say you're identical to tims, and having your abuses discredited. Ohh fine you say, maybe she should use nicer words to say same things, but she is very right, listen to the things of real importance not your stupid little rape statistics or whatever. Of course she is not a misogynist no no, she is insightful and it is based that everyone reblogs those things. So you get annoyed at bis because they wont ignore misogyny and biphobia, you don't get annoyed at misogyny or your friends reblogging it. wau!

Then just now you get so angry bisexuals dare say we should not feel shame for any aspect of bisexuality. You pretend that post said "het relationships are oppressed by gay people" so you can move the straw man into the goal posts, but what it actually said was that bisexual people are degraded and internalize shame about OSA, even in het relationships. You ignore how first post was bisexuals telling other bisexuals, and literal example in next post was bi woman saying about herself. Yet you pretend its bisexuals forcing gay people to worship us. Reach.

Could not be that its about how people call us dick worshipers, degenerates, sex beasts without love, kink freaks without boundaries, that is bi womens fault if they get raped for being sluts, and even worse things? all that affects us, gets in our heads? But no of course saying those things is fine against a dick worshiper. Well for us is not fine, we feel pain that our fellow bisexuals internalize those things deep in their hearts and it makes them alone and afraid, only you can think that is evil and homophobic somehow. Hetero relationships are celebrated but that does not mean bisexuals or bisexuality are celebrated by heteros, the statistics on the abuse and everything prove that very much. But no of course you ignore any of that to tell us to go "touch grass" as if hetero world is peace for us. Then when the reality reveals itself and the heteros are - the gasping here! - homophobic, you are first in line to coddle the people that tell us we are playing victim and our rape and other abuse is not real compared to what homosexuals feel.

I do not think you are against misogyny, misogyny is fine against bisexuals you by how treat it. You are not getting angry at misogyny you are getting more angry at bisexuals for not putting up with it. What you are against is seeming of misogyny and only just barely.

Oh my fucking god here we go again.

I apologised. I admitted I was wrong. I meant it. And yet you still come at me like this. Honestly you’re just making it clear that I’ll never be good enough for you. If you have such an issue with me and with accepting that I’m both a human and a learning feminist meaning I will make mistakes, just block me.

This whole time I’ve disagreed with language like “dick worshippers”. I’ve made that clear and I don’t know how many times I have to do so for you to stop pretending I haven’t. And even if I was once out there yelling misogynistic language at bi women (which I was not), me reblogging the post speaking against it should make you think “good, she’s changed”, not “ooo let me tell her off for reblogging a post about the issue I want her to address”???? Talk about not leaving room for growth.

The post you’re referring to…I EXPLICITLY STATED I DISAGREED WITH WHAT YOU ARE MENTIONING. Because I am able to read a text critically, I took the good bits which were the criticism of lesbophobia from bi women (and tbh I think you probably take issue with this too, because how dare we talk about anything other than uwu wlw solidarity), and acknowledged it wasn’t perfect. One of the first things I pointed out in my reblog was that I disagreed with saying bi women and TIMs were the same, so you acting like I agree with that is either you ignoring what I said, or being intentionally obtuse.

I agree bisexuals shouldn’t feel any shame for being bisexual. I also agree that a lot of bisexuals get hilariously pissy when gay people don’t give a shit about their OSA and opposite sex relationships. Tbh I’m actually not sure what specific post you’re talking about here because just tonight I’ve seen so many posts where OSA people cry about their het relationships not being seen as “queer” or “gay enough” or some shit. But look, I don’t believe anyone can truly feel shame regarding OSA, because the whole fucking world celebrates and encourages OSA. And I don’t think any homosexual needs to give even an ounce of compassion to OSA people crying to us about how much they don’t like being OSA, because we’re too busy focusing on the victims of homophobia (before you get angrier with me, I’m talking about both gay and bi victims of homophobia).

If you want to talk about the negative stereotypes about bisexuals, or the degrading language used to discuss specifically bisexual women, then talk about that! I’ll support you! But you can do that without making it about how it’s so so hard to be OSA. Idk maybe you’re talking about some post I’ve forgotten about that I misinterpreted and it really is talking about everything you’re saying and isn’t pulling the “gay people make it so hard to be OSA” card, because I’ve seen a bunch of those posts on my dash recently so they’re fresh in my mind and are what I’m thinking of while responding to this. So just know if that’s the case idk what post you’re talking about, and I’m strictly talking about the kweers who cry about people thinking their m/f relationships are straight, and being upset that gay people don’t want to hear about their OSA.

I know in my heart that I’m against misogyny, you can think what you want of me. But in my humble opinion, I think you have a very black and white perception of me that doesn’t allow for realising mistakes and growing from them.

#you caught me on my period :)#imagine being upset that I reblogged something you agree with lmaooo #go take the issue up with the people actually being misogynistic already #stop coming to me and expecting me to grovel #asks #anon

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multifandoms27-blog · 2 years

Text

Vows | Self-insert | Angst

I’ve been having a block. So have this as an apology.

Based off the song: Bleed for Me — Crape

~*~*~*

Content: I’m using a self-insert (J) instead of (Y/n) for this one because I can’t imagine this being an x reader. But J is still reader-ish so whatever. I also just need to write this out and put this SOMEWHERE. Forgive me <3

Warnings: Heavy character death, aggressiveness, spoiler warning for Death Note

Notes: Y’all don’t gotta read this if you don’t wanna. It wont hurt my feelings at all. I just need to get something written or I’m gonna explode. I’m blanking on ALL of my requests. I’m also throwing you into this. Also also, if the format is weird, its cause im on my phone. It’s also 3:37 am where I am.

Some info on J: She grew up with L in the orphanage. Later got into a relationship with and married L. Adopted Matt, Mello and Near with him later on.

~*~*~*

J sat, in shock. Her eyes wide as she stared at the news screen. It felt like she wasn’t breathing, that her heart stopped. She honestly wished it had.

It was almost as if Kira had gotten her.

The news report showed a car. A red one. One she didn’t recognize, but she recognized the driver. The car was littered with bullet holes, the class broken and shattered. A body laid limp against it, a young man. He was in the same shape as his car, but with blood all over him.

His own blood.

She knew that young man. Tears began to gather at her eyes, her hands began to shake, and she finally felt herself breathe. But it hurt. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to live.

The young man was her son, Matt.

“Mom?” Her youngest son, Near, called from the floor behind her. “Are you alright?”

She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to turn to Near and have him see her in this state. He was old enough to, but that didn’t mean she wanted him to see it.

Near got up and carefully stepped over his toys at his mothers silence. He was able to see the news. He knew he just lost his brother. He wrapped his arms around his mother, pressing his face into her hunched over back.

J finally began to break down and cry into her hands. Matt was gone, and Mello was who knows where. They were always inseparable, but she couldn’t help but worry for her eldest son.

Losing one son was enough. It felt as if her whole world was crashing. Again.

She’d already lost her husband four years ago — how much more loss can she take?

She twisted her body to hold Near. J wanted to comfort her son as much as Near wanted to comfort his mother. Near never hated his brothers, even though they ganged up on him after L practically chose Near.

J sobbed into Near’s shoulder. Near kept calm, but so desperately wanted to call out for his brother. J wanted it to be a prank, a stupid, very elaborate one that Matt would always pull.

But he would never get back up again. He would never pull another prank on them again. J’s lungs seized at that thought, making her crying worse. Matt was gone, and he was never going to come back home.

~*~*~*

A few hours later, J was getting off the phone with the police and making arrangements to have Matt’s body transported to England for his funeral. Her eyes puffy, mouth dry, and throat sore.

Anthony and Gevanni grimaced at the sight. In the time they’d known J, she was not one to cry. She was always a very quiet, stoic, yet verbally aggressive woman. If Near had brown hair, they’d think he was her biological son.

Gevanni handed her a glass of water. “If there is anything you need, just let me know, okay?”

She nodded to the raven haired man. “Thank you.”

Gevanni nodded and comfortingly rubbed the woman’s back for a moment before turning to Near on the floor. He’d been more quiet since Matt died. He had no idea that Near had brothers. All Gevanni knew of his family was his mother, and that his father died four years ago in Japan from Kira.

“Near, are you—“

J’s cellphone rang. She picked it up and saw it was Halle. Halle was tailing after Mello when he took Kiyomi Takada. She’d lost sight of him for a while before, J guessed she’d found him now.

“Halle, did you find—“

“Miss, I…I’m so sorry.”

J assumed she meant about Matt. But then she realized, Halle wasn’t here when J told Gevanni and Anthony about Matt. Her heart suddenly dropped to her stomach again.

“What…what do you mean?” Her voice grew shaky, earning the attention of Near.

“Mello, I…he…Takada, too…” Halle seemed to be traumatized. “They…they…”

“Spit it out, Linder!” J snapped, feeling tears gather up again. “What happened?!”

“Mello and Takada…are dead.”

For the second time that day, J felt everything shatter. For the second time today, she was rendered into a shock. Her grip on the phone was so tight she was sure she’d break it. Near thought her eyes were so wide that they’d pop out of her head.

“Mom? What happened.”

“M-Mello…” She slowly turned to look at her son. “Mello’s dead, too.”

~*~*~*

J had never gripped a counter so hard in her life. Her nails dug into the material. Her face wet from the sink water, brown hair draping over her face. The guilt swamped her head.

Four years ago, Mello and Matt had landed in Japan in secret to help the Kira case behind L’s back. J usually kept her cases as far away from her children as possible, but Mello is— was a very stubborn man. Never took no as an answer. And Matt never stood for being left behind, so he tagged along.

J had no choice but to let them do it.

After L died, just after his funeral, Mello and Matt wanted to officially join the task force. J refused, said she’d stay in the orphanage and help. Mello then wanted to join some antagonist group to counter Kira and fight him. J fought him on that decision, they had an argument, and Mello took off with Matt. That had been the last time she’d seen Matt, and the last time she’d seen Mello until he came to retrieve his picture.

‘I didn’t even get to say goodbye.’

J let out a whimper before sinking to her knees. She pushed her knees to her chest, feeling the guilt continue to swim around her.

‘L…L, I failed. I failed our children, I failed you.’

She let out a sob before putting her head down, crying for the third time that day. It had been about a week since she buried her two sons next to their father, L, and grandfather, Wammy. Roger had tried to offer support, but it honestly meant nothing to her.

She appreciated the older man, but she needed to go through this process alone.

‘But what about my only surviving son?’

Near’s face flashed in her mind. Her eyes shot open. Suddenly, J became terrified that she’d lose Near next. Her grief and guilt quickly turned to anger. She narrowed her eyes, still crying.

‘No. I may have failed L, Mello and Matt, but I will not fail Near. He needs me now more than ever.’

With newfound definitiveness, she stood and finally turned the sink off. She looked at herself in the mirror. She looked like shit, as one would if they lost their husband and two eldest sons.

There, J made two vows. The first being she would catch Kira, even if it meant she’d lose her life next. It was better than Near dying. J would not allow her only family left to die. She needed to remember L’s take on the case.

Light Yagami. He was the suspect.

‘Light Yagami,’ J growled to herself. ‘I will rip you, and anyone you love, to goddamn shreds. That I vow.’

Light Yagami would feel the same pain J felt. She was sure of it.

#Spotify #L x J #L x self insert #L x oc #near death note #death note mello #death note matt #death note #death note l #l x y/n #l x reader

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squishablesunbeam · 1 year

Note

Could you go into more detail about Jesse‘s thought process during the whole „How does a table/human/you feel“?

Happily!! I get long winded with questions like this so I'm putting my ramblings under the cut 😊 I hope this makes sense!

Okay, back to the beginning a little bit because there's a few different things in Jesse's panicked brain in this moment...

So, once Jesse was completely broken of the belief that he was a person, he tended to very easily slip into whatever role his owners/trainers created for him. Being able to just slot into place as whatever they wanted him to be kept him safe and he leaned heavily on that ability.

They said he was an object, so he was. They said he was a palette, so he was. The trainers also used him as other objects as well so that framework was a little more malleable (which made it easier for him to try to not be a palette anymore). He knew he was a palette but he could also be other things.

But definitely not a person.

Never a person ever again.

Now, Jesse is more observant than he seems. He chooses to shut down and zone out because that helped him to survive as an object. But really, he can understand more about the world around him than he lets on and he can read Mark pretty well.

He knows Mark thinks Jesse is a human and it scares him to death. That is the one role he can't simply slot into place.

Jesse is not human. No matter what. After everything he went though, his trainers couldn't be wrong. This is a fact that Jesse knows to be true down to his core and he also knows that Mark, his master, doesn't believe this truth. Jesse thinks his master is wrong.

This alone is terrifying.

So when Mark put his hand to his chest and asked him what a human felt like, Jesse knew what Mark was doing. He knew he wanted Jesse to say he was human and he started to panic.

The most simple truth of "but you feel like a human" is one that Jesse can't deny. He really tried to feel a difference. One that would scream "not human" but in reality, he knew that he would feel more like Mark than the cool surface of the table, or even more like Cami maybe. He just doesn't know what to do about it.

He is very scared of Mark ordering him to be a human.

He would still try to do what Mark wanted if that happened (Mark would never do that but Jesse doesn't know that). From that point forward, Jesse would act as a human and pretend to believe it. But the anxiety and fear and guilt and deep sense of wrong would twist him up into knots. It would be forced and painful and he's truly terrified he'd eventually believe it again. He'd absolutely rather be a table, all day, every day, than pretend to be a human.

He knows what Mark wants to hear, and what he wants him to be, but he just can't give it to him. He can't slot into place like before and a lot of the anguish you see in that moment comes from this. He would love for Mark to tell him to be literally anything else and he'd do it in a heartbeat! He knows the one thing Mark wants from him is the one thing he simply can't give.

He's also trying very hard to ignore the plain truth Mark is putting in front of him. Jesse is flesh and bone. He is spirit and soul. He has a consciousness. Those things simply never meant anything before. But here, with Mark, they hold meaning and Jesse is very much struggling with that.

So he does all he can do and gives Mark something he wants. He says he'll go through with getting the papers. He does not want to do this at all. He will 100% have to lie to authorities if they get caught and he doesn't think he can do that. He believes he will eventually get taken away if they get the papers, but he simply can't say he's a human and believe it to be true. That would be so much worse. They would not only take him away anyways, but they'd also completely destroy him...again. Giving up his belief that he was human was the most horrific experience of his life and he wont ever do that again.

He's an object, and if the papers are the ones that are lying, so be it.

So he'll let Mark get the papers. It'll make Mark happy and he wont have to lie quite so much. And he'll live in near constant fear of being taken away.

He wishes Mark would be happy with him as an object, or a pet at least (I might have a chapter coming up with Jesse trying to convince Mark he could stay a pet "like Lyra" and not be an object anymore...). Then he'd be collared and safe at least. But really, he wishes he didn't have to choose to be anything at all. Anything but Jesse.

He doesn't realize that just being Jesse is the most human thing he could possibly be.

#sorry I ramble!#I love my boys inner thoughts though!#anon asks #jesse asks #seriously loved this ask

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spikeinthepunch · 10 months

Text

i have no plans to talk about the Emotional side of this, but the many weeks i have spent with a neuropsych trying to pin down the specifics of my cognitive issues has certainly been interesting, and im gonna detail that below. its made me really realize that alongside my issues, that there is so little understanding in society about the extent of "learning disabilities". even everyone here, every person who sits with the ADHD and autism labels and knows its probably part of their learning issues- the fact that there is probably so much more to it than you can even realize. and most people wont ever have the knowledge of depth to see that, or the proof of tests to see that.

i deeply wish getting this kind of testing but its insanely expensive. like, way WAY expensive. and its super important to get a good doctor for this (any Californians, i would gladly name the guy i am seeing!) but its not accessible at all (this series of tests take like, 6+ weeks but more for me bc i am more than just Learning tests. i am on week 10), which is obviously the main problem. hardly anyone i know will be able to get with kind of depth on Why they struggle. i am in a very privileged position to get to do this. its not bad to sit with labels like ADHD, or just know about your diagnosis of Autism (your Autism wont go away with this. you still have it. you'll just see the specifics, the stems to your problems) is what makes you struggle. this isnt a means to shame people or to say you have to do this in order to get better or get help.

but for me and i assume others, i havent been able to get the right accommodations for anything. society will never try to understand anyone cognitive abilities further and they NEED to make this shit more availble. I tried many things but none of them worked for me, but i also dont know WHY they dont work for me. putting aside the emotional struggles i am also doing in these tests (there is Cognitive testing and Emotional testing- which also makes things more pricey), i have been really really wanting to learn. just Things. it is all i want but I cannot, and the future feels impossible due to that. I try so hard to learn but nothing happens. i want to code, i want to 3D model, i was to up my drawing game, etc etc- even if i went for my assumed "easy" choice (simply production in entertainment) i still struggle to keep it in my head. it always feel like laziness, to sit down at try and then it doesnt stick, and that just makes you feel worse. Still i'd go and learn 3D modelling consistently for a week, but quite literally the moment i looked away from the donut tutorial, i couldnt do it. genuinely everything was lost from my brain. id redo it, i would do the donut tutorial again, but then thats all i could do.

learning with coding is no different, but i try to try very hard because i feel like i know it all "in theory", i look at stuff and i kinda can see what it all means. but right now as i try to learn Narrat, i am very actively seeing how the results of these tests are spelling out the problem. i sit down and look at documents but i cannot take in the reading material, but i see images and i get it kind of so i try- i look at someone else's game for some help but i dont totally know it. but i ask for help in the discord a LOT because i cannot process the documents they hand me, i cannot peice together what the documents say in order to solve the error i got, and only kind of get it when i connect an image of the code to what im doing, but there arent many pictures of what i need step by step and i get stuck again.

so many little things-- things that i cant really add up to just being ADHD- at the very least no one knows how to accommodate to my specifics anyways so i never get it solved. the autism may explain some things but it doesnt explain it all. I can't count change even on my fingers, i cant add things up on paper and i forgot how to multiply and divide. i forget things when theyre not in front of me, nothing i read stays in my head, nor does anything i listen to. i may work fast, i may process movement and things presented surprisingly well, but those four things (math, memory, listening comp, reading comp) are key things to learning that are SO awful it explains every reason i have been this way. i take it in quick, but it goes away in the blink of an eye.

i dont have ADHD by the way- it was one of those labels slapped on for years because "well your memory is bad, and so is your attention, and you have a hard time learning". and i dont disagree exactly, if i hadnt done this i would have been going along w my life with that label and it would have been fine- aside from the fact none of the ADHD meds i have taken over the years have never work, of course. or the fact i still wouldnt really know how to learn things because i dont have accommodations that actually help me make progress. i think i would still be sitting around stuck, thinking i am just stupid and there is no way around it.

point is- there is a lot under the surface. there are a collection of things that explain parts of your cognitive function and they all work on their own. and because i know this now, i can get very specific help. i can properly understand why certain accommodations in the past didnt work, what will work, and what i can do to actually try and Learn Shit. going through years of utterly sucking at everything in school is awful, it really knocks you down. Especially when you want to learn, you feel like you are trying so hard.

for more recent years i have sat here just thinking i couldnt do anything. watching family make progress as they age and feeling unable to do that too feels like shit and i hate the idea of never being able to put anything out there. i am in a place where i can live just fine without any job really, but i dont want to do that? i dont want to do nothing- even if it weren't a job, why would i want to sit around doing the one think i know- draw- and never be able to do anything else? id like it as a job but even outside of that i just want to know things like anyone else.

the fact that i feel far more hopeful than ever before is really a nice feeling. for a while it was a kind of motivation that was more like fighting a brick wall to proceed because even though i wanted something to change, i had no idea how it could. this isnt a clear "ok go do A and B and youll learn!". this will still be a long time of build. it will be a process as it would be for anything with learning and i still get overwhelmed by the prospect too, its still terrifying because i still wonder if it will really work out. but goddamn i do not feel like these many weeks of testing have been a waste- i really do understand far more than ever. its kind of sad to see, to have gone for so long without help, but id rather know it now than to never know and to always feel helpless and stupid.

#good god long post in coming

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