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#you cant keep burning the candle at both ends!
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john mulaney encanto 1
part 2
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machinecreature · 2 years
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laughing out loud for real
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mxrtified777 · 25 days
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get some rest, tall child!!! you cant keep burning the candle at both ends!!!
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lnane · 2 months
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honestly what the fuck are you supposed to do with keeping up the social standard in a workspace setting, especially after a break. "How was your break?" i cant respond with "i have witnessed more cracks in our societies structure and realized how i fall into all of them. I have realized more aspects of myself that proves i am not fit for this life, and cannot handle the workforce standard. Simply by being here, speaking to you, with our tasks ahead of us, i know i am burning the candle at both ends. I shall inevitably incinerate myself, like some fools version of icarus, reaching for the futile hope of a stable and comfortable life. Comfort is an illusion, and love is impossible. My entire being screams to leave this place, and run for the hills, never to be seen again." thatd just be weird. instead i gotta say some shit like "oh it was nice, visited a friend, read a few books. how about yours?" what the fuck
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127luvr · 1 year
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can i request a fic where reader is totally whipped for renjun, like no matter what he does, reader just cant believe how fine he is. ofc the dreamies notice, so they try to set them up, but theyre already a thing 🤭.
(renjun is just so-- this man istg 😩)
Irreplaceable
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Huang Renjun x Male Reader
You sit with your elbows on top of the round table—resting your chin on the back of your hand as you stared across towards Renjun. He’s twirling his chopsticks around his bowl, picking at his food while he makes conversation with the members next to him. You loved observing him like this—with no cameras around—seeing the wrinkles that appeared next to his eyes when he laughed so hard he couldn’t breathe. Admiring the hair that fell over his eyes that went unstyled for a few days now.
“You’re so obvious.” Chenle’s voice pulls you from your trance, the smug undertones to his comment making you roll your eyes. “Honestly, do you even try to hide it anymore?” Before he lets you answer, he starts naming instances where you had been caught admiring Renjun by the other members. “Remember the Relay Cam?”
You follow Renjun with your eyes from across his room, sitting with your knees to your chest as you tried making yourself as small as possible—not wanting to get caught by the camera in his hand. You stared as he went around his room, giving a small tour and explanation of everything he kept on top of his dresser—which you found endearing. You loved when he spoke about his candles and teas. They were such Renjun things to collect.
“I was planning to draw alone... but now that I think about it, we have Jisung. And Jeno. And (Y/n)! He’s been hiding the whole time just watching me.” Renjun lets out a small chuckle, turning his head and camera towards you as you quickly bury your head into your knees. “He’s a little shy. But he has to join us to finger paint, right?” Without hesitating, you jump up from the bottom bed bunk, almost hitting your head on your way towards all three members.
Jisung and Jeno share a knowing look before side-eyeing you and Renjun together.
“That was one time—” Chenle moves one of his over-the-ear headphones off, finally turning his full body towards you as to keep the conversation between the two of you.
“How about when Renjun was filming Awsaz? You weren’t even a part of the schedule but you showed up anyways. Just to keep him company.” You could tell Chenle wanted to use this as a gotcha moment, his mischievous face saying everything words couldn’t out loud.
“It’s obviously coriander.” Mark looks at you from the couch, holding the walkie-talkie he’s communicating with in his right hand. You bow your head in shame, a little flushed when you feel both Mark and Haechan’s eyes burning into your head. “Sorry, I’ll try not to interrupt.”
“No, I think it’d be helpful if you did interrupt.” Haechan pauses for a second, rubbing at his chin as he pretends to scheme. “I think you know how to make him flustered, right, (Y/n)?”
That’s how you ended up on the end of the couch—whispering into Mark’s ear—asking him to keep repeating the aegyo just to hear Renjun do it from the other room. The three of you definitely bonded making Renjun’s life a little harder than it should’ve been. But you still couldn’t help catch a glimpse of him with his pink hair and glasses from the monitor of the camera crew in front of you. This catches you off guard—not even the best cameras could do Renjun any justice.
“At least let us set you up on a date with him—you helped so much today.” With a wave of your hand, Mark dropped the subject, feeling a little deflated as his mission had failed.
“Why didn’t you accept the date? We could’ve all planned it as a collective.” Chenle crossed his arms over his chest, deep in thought. “I’m sure Renjun would accept too, seeing as he’s equally as obsessed with you as you are with him.”
You inhale sharply, taking another glance towards Renjun before you meet Chenle’s accusing eyes.
“We’re already…” Chenle leans in, his head right next to yours when you finally confess. “We’ve been dating for a while actually…”
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Dewolfe @ noir in your fic: WOAH that tall child looks terrible! Get some rest tall child you cant keep burning the candle at both ends!
so true, so true
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diabolikpersonals · 1 year
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is there any Shuuma scenarios/headcanons/ something like that you have recently been thinking about?
yeah, always!! in the yuma CL route labyrinth ending, shu (and everybody else other than yuma and yui who live, and kino who dies by Murder) dies by getting trapped in a burning building right? I love me some hurt/comfort so I've been imagining the Recovery Process if things were really bad but shu and the others managed to make it out alive. (bonus points if not everybody survived lol)
details under the read more B)
while the mansion is burning and there's a magic barrier keeping everyone inside, I like to imagine shu and yuma both trying unsuccessfully to break it from both sides. like they're face to face, both pounding on the barrier with their fists to break it and escape from the fire, but to no avail. and they make eye contact and they both look so scared, because they think shu is going to burn to death right in front of yuma's eyes.
BUT HE LIVES OK there's probably some bad injuries but let's say it doesn't result in everyone's death ok?? ok. but yeah maybe somebody dies, idk who though to be honest >_>
we get yuma on the receiving end of some "my friend (almost) died in a fire and it was my fault" angst!! after 4 games of being the friend that almost died in a fire, it's his turn to be the powerless survivor! thanks, chaos lineage! I love u!! (of course, in the game, his friend really did die, but........yknow)
there's something so terribly cruel about recognizing how much recovering that shu has done over this series (less afraid of fire, less guilty, less afraid that his loved ones will die as a result of getting close to him) and then putting him in such a horrifying situation that it all goes away and he's back at square one. it's awful, I love it.
after the scarlet mansion burns down, everybody packs into the orange or violet house to figure out what to do next. shu freaks out anytime someone lights a candle, uses the stove, etc. he's struggling to talk to people or help out with anything. he's such a wreck that nobody really knows what they can do or say to snap him out of it. it feels like, because he had recovered so much, he fell even further and it's even more painful this time.
I think I fixated on this so much because usually, yuma uses tough love with shu, right? yuma kind of has a thing about showing emotions (like he doesnt think men should look weak or "uncool") and I think that contributes to why he treats shu the way he does. he can act very, like, "you're fine, walk it off!" "dont make a big deal out of this thing, let's just brush it off and go back to normal!" yknow?? and I wanted to create a situation where yuma absolutely cant do that. because right now (especially if somebody else died in the fire) yuma is also grieving, he's also afraid, and he doesn't want to be acting cool or brushing it off right now.
so even if the others are trying to go about business as usual, I want yuma to realize that he can't do that this time. fuck his "men shouldnt cry in front of others" thing, shu and yuma both need to cry. fuck all that toxic masculine stuff, they need to hug it out and be there for each other until they both realize "at least you're here, at least you're safe, at least I didn't lose everything." and with that bit of hope they can start the recovery process again
for a while shu refuses to leave the living room and go to sleep, and the others are bothered by it. he doesnt seem like he's getting any sleep at all. yuma eventually coaxes him into saying whats wrong, and he finds out that one of shu's compulsions after the fire is that he feels he needs to stay awake and alert in the living room In Case Something Happens. I think it would be a rly big moment for them if, instead of getting annoyed, yuma was like "okay then we can take turns as lookout. you go to sleep now, I'll stay up and keep watch."
and as time passes they gradually get less anxious. they're getting better little by little. they dont feel so high-strung about it that they cant sleep. so they start dozing off together in the living room during lookout duty lol
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salaciousslut · 3 months
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R&B is one of my top genre's as of lately 🤭 i would love any R&B recs you have<3 I'm better with change now but i struggled for a while!
You really are such a good friend sweetheart<3 also wtf!! Its so cool that yall live in the same apartment complex as one another! Im a lil jealous they get to hang out with you so easily</3 🫣 I ended up drinking two bottles of soju with my friends since we bought a fee bottles and then decided to hang out at someone's house rather than actually go out. I think it wouldve been so nice to have you in my lap tonight. I know you wouldve taken any and every shot i gave you<3 i barely managed to get away from my friends all night
For reals, I hope we both get better with expressing ourselves this year!<3 and i low key call it that too 🫣 but ive been able to cry a little more and actually talk to people how i feel a bit better these past few months :)
Maybe one day when im less shy i'll send you my discord and we can call and talk for a bit?<3🥺 i know you sound pretty, like its just obvious to me like of course a pretty princess also has a cute voice<3 like i know you make pretty little sounds<3 also my stitch impression is a little out of practice so lemme work on that a little more<3 hehe
Lemme know if you like it, i could use some constructive criticism on how i smell since sometimes i think its a little strong. But i know saving up a little would be nice to just spring for some polo red🤭
Im jealous!! Ive been wanting to get myself a candle warmer!! Ive just been so broke lately i havent been able to :( and im also guilty of that!! But trimming the wick also reduces the amount of soot accumulation so im on top of that with my candles 🫣 i dont burn them a lot though! Also that guy was fucking stupid, the person's supposed to like it otherwise whats the damn point?? I'd feel honored if you were moaning cause it felt nice, but then again i was taught to love women<3
I'd love to cuddle with you!! Some ppl do find me intimidating though im not gonna lie. I got like dead eyes until you show interest in my existence, but i think its cute that my height wont intimidate<3 i would love to cuddle with you and your lil blue cow devil stuffed animal ☺️❤️ and im 22, so basically an exact year give a few weeks 🤭
i get soo nervous rec'ing songs so maybe later hehe!!
omg i love soju so much!! i typically have 2 bottles before im drunk tho hehe so keep them coming! but i hope you had a fun and safe night last night!! wish i could come and take care of u this morning too. so i can have a bit of a lazy day
yes discord someday! dont be a stranger okay? youre always welcome into my dms whenever you feel comfy! plus i love calls and stuff! i just love listening to people so i send voice messages all the time too.
hehe yes i love my candle warmer!! i wanna spoil i and buy u one now!!! and yes i love wax play! it just makes me sooo happy and giggly and i think its so pretty!! especially on my tits and stuff. he was stupid anyways. really a low point in my life when i was talk to him.
noooo i also have a bit of a resting bitch face so i understand. plus! ill let u be lil spoon if u want too! i like both big and lil spoon so we can take turns! and cuddle with your shark too!!! cant leave him out of this!! hehe 22 thats perfect! come here and lemme spoil u
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dyingclown · 4 months
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did we all have an "anytime you smile" phase in 2020-2021 or was that a me thing
AND DEVILS TRAIN TOO
I HAVENT LISTENED TO IT IN MONTHS BUT I CAN RECITE EVERY WORD OF THAT FUCKING SONG FROM HEART
MY GRANDPOPS WAS A MAN OF RESPECT HAD TO SWEAT JUST TO CASH CHECKS WORKING FROM SUNRISE TO SET EVERYDAY HED GET CHALLENGED NO TRADES OR TALENTS BARELY SCRAPED BY AND FOUND FAITH TO BALANCE THE STRAIGHT LINE AND PACE FEELING WORN AND GREY POOR WITH FOUR SEEDS ONE MORE ON THE WAY IT WAS HARD DAYS INDEED ALL WORK AND NO PLAY HE MADE SURE THINGS ON THE SURFACE WERE OK BUT SOMETHING DISTURBING WITHIN HIS MIND WAS LURKING A SLIGHT TWILIGHT BREEZE WOULD EASE IN THROUGH THE CURTAINS AT NIGHT ITS LIKE THE SERMON OF A TWISTED APPARITION WAS URGING HIM TO LISTEN TO THE TRAIN IN THE DISTANCE AT FIRST IT WASNT INTENSE JUST ONE LITTLE INSTANCE SURE IT DIDNT OCCUR HE TURNED TO RESIST IT AS IF IT WASNT MUCH MORE THAN JUST A FIGMENT OF HIS IMAGINATION BUT FOR DAYS IT WAS PERSISTENT AND IT WENT FOLLOW ME FOLLOW ME FOLLOW ME FOLLOW ME THEN IT GOT LOUDER FOLLOW ME FOLLOW ME I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU WITH TIME PEOPLE NOTICED HE WAS ACTING BERSERK GRANNY GOT A CALL SAYING HE WAS ABSENT FROM WORK AND THAT WAS A FIRST SHE RAN TO THE PASTOR AT CHURCH TO ASK HIM WHAT WAS UP WITH THIS DISASTROUS CURSE BUT BAD WENT TO WORSE HE CAME BACK THREE DAYS AFTER NO MONEY IN HIS WALLET AND HIS SHIRT ON BACKWARDS STUMBLING WALKED AWKWARD AS HE CALLED OUT FOR HIS DAUGHTER RIGHT BEFORE HE SPLIT THE LAST LESSON HE TAUGHT HER WAS THIS IF YOU EVER HAVE A SON LET HIM KNOW THAT HIS GRANDDAD LOVED HIM BUT BY THE TIME THAT HES GROWN BE SURE THIS SEED IS SOWN DEEP DOWN INTO HIS DOME DONT EVER EVER WALK THROUGH THE TRAIN TRACKS ALONE WITH THAT HE BACKED UP REACHED OUT FOR HIS JACKET TOLD HER NOT TO ACT UP AND CRACKED UP LAUGHING AFTER ALL THAT HAPPENED HE LEFT NEVER TO BE SEEN 15 YEARS LATER TO WHEN MY MOTHER HAD ME HER DAD LIVED A LIFE PEOPLE CANT UNDERSTAND WENT FROM A FAMILY MAN TO RAMBLING MAN A GAMBLING MAN WHO BURNED BOTH ENDS OF THE CANDLE FOLDED HIS HAND IN IT WAS TOO HOT TO HANDLE SITTING ON THE TRACKS WAITING FOR THE NIGHT TRAIN LOOKING DOWN THE ROAD AINT NEVER GONNA GO BACK LISTEN FOR THE WHISTLE THROUGH THE WIND AND RAINDROP WHOS GONNA RIDE THE DEVILS TRAIN TONIGHT WHEN I WAS A TOT MY MOM DROPPED FABLES AND STORIES TO WARN ME OF THE DANGERS THAT WERE LAYING BEFORE ME TO KEEP IT INTERESTING SHE WOULD HIDE THE LESSON TO GUIDE MY DIRECTION PROVIDE THE RIGHT MESSAGE IN TIME I DEVELOPED A SENSE OF HER EMBELLISHMENT SINCE I WAS REBELLIOUS AGAINST WHAT SHE WAS TELLING ME WHEN I WAS A TEEN I PRETENDED THAT MY DEMONS WERE FRIENDS I DEFENDED THE PLACE YO AND THAT WAS THE CASE SLURRED SPEECH DRIPPING OFF OF MY FACE THE WORLD CREEPED AS I SLIPPED TO THE AWFULEST PLACE YOU COULD IMAGE NOT THE AVERAGE THINGS YOU SEE ON ACID MY GRANDDAD BLOODY HOVERING ON A SPEAKER CABINET LAUGHING IN A RASP HE TURNED COVERED IN MAGGOTS THAT SNACKED ON HIS MASS TO THE BONE I COULDNT GRASP IT DID A DOUBLE DISMOUNT OFF OF THE COUCH FLIPPED OUT BROKE THE CLOSEST WINDOW I FOUND THEN I DIPPED OUT SUDDENLY I DISCOVERED LITTLE VOICES MUMBLING UP IN MY HEAD IT HAD ME WNDERING WHAT WAS IT MY MOTHER SAID BACK WHEN I WAS YOUNGER IT HAD MY BRAIN RACKED AS I STUMBLED OFF IN THE NIGHT TOWARDS THE TRAIN TRACKS SITTING ON THE TRACKS WAITING FOR THE NIGHT TRAIN LOOKING DOWN THE ROAD AINT NEVER GONNA GO BACK LISTEN FOR THE WHISTLE THROUGH THE WIND AND RAINDROP WHOS GONNA RIDE THE DEVILS TRAIN TONIGHT SO THERE I WAS STALKING THROUGH THE DARK WITH A BUZZ I FIGURED I SHOULD WALK THATLL EASE ME OFF OF THESE DRUGS ITS LIKE A SHARK I HAD TO KEEP MOVING ITS THAT OR BE RUINED IF I SAT STILL I WAS DOOMED AND THAT WASNT DOIN SO I MARCHED THROUGH THE PARK SLOW GONE LIKE DONNY DARKO THE SPARKLE OF THE STARLIGHT GLOWED LIKE CHARCOAL DESPITE MY DEMEANOR THE NIGHT SEEMED MORE SERENE THAN A MORPHINE FIEND IN A MORGUE IT SEEMED LIKE ID LOST IT THAT WAS WHEN MY GRANDPOPS CARCASS EMERGED FROM THE DARK GURGLING HIS WORDS OF CARNAGE BUT HE COULDNT TALK SOMETHING ABOUT THE BIRTH OF SADNESS I SCURRIED OFF I WAS ON THE VERGE OF MADNESS I RACED FAST PACE AND THE LANDSCAPE WAS STRANGE LIKE A PLANE PARALLEL TO THIS ONE BUT REARRANGED I CAME TO A SLOPE TO A STEEP BEGGING FOR SLEEP AS I CLIMBED UP TAKING MY FOCUS OFF OF THE CREEPS W
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infiniteorbits · 1 year
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last updated
1.
“amelie” - last updated 3/30/23 at 10:31
likes
- when songs blend into each other
- untangling necklaces
- restoration videos
- doorbells that play songs
dislikes
- when previously melted popcorn butter hardens
- when people laugh or talk at the end of songs
- restoration vids that r actually transformation
- when musical movies have less/no songs in the second half 
2.
“now twitter” - last updated 3/30/23 at 17:03
3/28
- dunkin is very hit or miss. luckily for both of us i will take whatever is given to me in any situation ever. - 07:59
- i’m a good kid just mentally disturbed - 9:49
- why is it always hot as balls in [building] i am DYING! - 9:57
3.
“lyrics” - last updated 3/28/23 at 21:06
are you there? - sbd
- “is there anyone in the audience currently living in vain?”
nights - frank ocean
- “wanna see nirvana but don’t wanna die”
4.
“band names” - last updated 4/2/23 at 17:04
i called it
señor manatee
morph suit with the genitals cut out
western haircut
vape gosh
car moth
snail gunk shoes
banana fever
radiobread
nonconsensual gymnastics routine
goodbye endemic fish
uneven sunburn
bread zeppelin
phoebe breadgers
self-imposed bald spot
turtle crossing
5.
“wowowowow” - last updated 3/19/23 at 21:21 (excerpt 1/3)
i really only wake up to go back to sleep again
i dont wanna leave my house because then i have to put on clothes and look at my body. i hate watching tiktok because i see other people’s bodies and hate mine. i hate existing
do you ever yearn to be loved by someone that doesn’t exist so badly that your body aches. do you ever ever want to pull out ur hair bc ur so ashamed of your own thoughts that you cant exist
6.
“dreams” - last updated 2/2/23 at 06:27
night of 12/22/22
[person 1] and [person 2] shit themselves. it seemed to be a reoccurring event bc [freshman year teacher], [person 3], and [person 4] were disappointed
7.
“try god: 1060 AM” - last updated 3/10/23 at 19:36
(is an atheist station)
9/16/19 : 2
11/5/19 : 1
12/5/19: 1
1/14/20 : 1
5/24/21: 1
7/28/21: 1
8/12/21: 1
9/3/21: 1
12/29/21: 1 (roche bros [town] parking lot)
9/23/22: 1
3/9/23: 1 (the bitch had like 2 stickers tho!!!)
8.
“hm” - last updated 1/22/23 at 22:57
“i’m not like you, other people’s problems don’t make me feel better” - [redacted]
9.
“wowowowow” - last updated 3/19/23 at 21:21 (excerpt 2/3)
how the fuck do candles burn out the wax doesn’t evaporate right
welcome to the achery, what can i get u? vomit, comin right up!
the world is made of orbits
the moon around the earth
the earth around the sun
our solar system around the middle
even little galaxies orbit around ours
i suppose that even we, as people,
orbit too
i like to think
that i orbit around you
10.
“i miss all the angel numbers and i keep getting mad bc i dont have to a reason to keep thinking of u”  - last updated 3/4/23 at 13:09
people kinda just age out of me.
11.
untitled - last updated 3/28/22 at 10:46
i dont know what to write. i dont wanna seem like im not workin gbut i just…. cant do this right now. i had to walk to school today and i wanted to die. i mean realistically thats not truly a bad thing. the walk is like ten minutes and its in Rennes and im lucky to be here and to be able to walk and go to school and breathe clean air and whatnot. but im so tired. so tired. it took my nearly an hour to pick out my clothes today. i decided on a shirt and jeans that dont look good together at all and that are half dry bc the dryer just does not work in this house for some damn reason and its fucking annoying. i did my makeup because i was looking atrocious- my hair was wet because i finally got myself to shower after god knows how long (less than a week i presume - i think i last showered the weekend before this week?) and the lack of shape to my hair and the weird way my face looks after i wake up or shower or do anything made me need to sit down and inevitably still be upset when its over. i dreamt that i saw [redacted #2]. it was another one of those dreams where theres a big storm or tsunami or combination of the two and we all had to huddle in a school building that looks kind of like this one but not really. i was so excited to see her and i almost cried in my dream. but i barely saw her for the rest of the dream, she was off with [redacted #3] and her other friends and not me. i was left behind. they left without me. i’m not mad at her for this because she hasnt done this to me yet but i know she will so i guess im preemptively sad and mad and upset even though i have no reason to be and thats not fair to her. i am at myself and the person in front of me and how she treats me like im stupid and i dont want to be stupid and i know im not stupid but there is nothing i can do. i know that seems dramatic. “nothing i can do.” there is. there probably is. i really hope there is but at the same time i hope there isnt because then its true. i am stupid. i do get my work done or at least the work i know that i need to get done and my grades are fine i have like a 3.67 unweighted which isnt great but not like awful. i know i could do better. i know i could work harder. i have worked harder before but its gone now and shes gone now and im gone now. im gone now. im gone now. 
12.
“favs” - last updated 3/18/22 at 15:19
bc i always seem to forget
music
dirty computer - janelle monae
sawdust - the killers
sgt peppers lonely heart club band - the beatles
rubber soul - the beatles
stranger in the alps - phoebe bridgers
apricot princess - rex orange county
punisher - phoebe bridgers 
ow - pom pom squad
turkey dinner - pinky pinky
death of a cheerleader- pom pom squad
13.
“list of issues (current)” - last updated 8/17/22 at 07:46
- [ ] chronic/crippling fear of death (usually intrusive)
- [ ] shortness of breath/high resting heart rate
- [ ] trouble sleeping (falling asleep, keepingg eyelids closed, fear of dreams [lack of control], fear of unconsciousness)
- [ ] usually naseous or having abdominal issues
- [ ] head hurts all the time
- [ ] lack of control with my thoughts
- [ ] depression :( - am i taking too much of my meds?
14.
untitled - last updated 9/7/21 at 06:51
ah oui!! désolé, j’avais fatigué donc j’ai oublié envoyer un text. on est en bus et on va arriver à 15:16
merci pour ce skype!!! j’ai aimé faire de connaissance de votre famille :) j’étais enthousiaste d’aller avant mais maintenant je suis plus enthousiaste (j’ai pensé que c’est ne pas possible!). mes parents se sentent impatients à l’idée que je vais habiter avec vous. je ne peux pas attendre pour vous rencontrer en personne!!!
15.
“grocery list” - last updated 6/7/21 at 10:37
- [x] watermelon
- [ ] orange juice
- [ ] plants
- [ ] ice
- [ ] muffins
- [ ] 
16.
“bus writing assignment” - last updated 10/19/21 at 18:05
-doja cat plays
-everyone is on their phone, with wired headphones
-old bus or new? blue model with the facing hanging handicapped seats
-new bus, c3
-woman quiet her phone
-baby blows bubbles than screams, a child laughs
-people look up as siren passes
-12 year olds laugh and play hand games in the back
-girl with dyed hair (color i want)
-its so hot, holding my bag
-i can hear music of man standing near me
- vaguely familiar man walks in
- office man
- u express bag reminds me of my own
-- woman stands to get off, holding an umbrella, clear with ocean designs (why does she have umbrella? its sunny? i have an umbrella but its new. shes holding it like its fragile bht not new)
- almost miss my stop once i realize i dont know where i am
- lost in writing
- nvm got off one too early
- ill walk ig
17.
“wowowowow” - last updated 3/19/23 at 21:21 (excerpt 3/3)
i agree with the catholics sometimes
like when they mention gay people
and get that look in their eyes
i tilt my head down in shame
but i also put my head down to pray
/
i don’t know if being gay is a sin
but it sure as hell is a punishment
i wonder if future me is looking at me now
crying on the bus, mask soaked with tears
i know she is, because can feel her holding me
i feel her hug and her tears on my shoulders
i hope she’s happy in the way i want to be
18.
untitled - last updated 9/19/19 at 07:58
kantism: you must follow your moral code always with no exceptions, which is defined as something that is good in all situations (intent matters, impact does a bit). 
utilitarianism: do what makes the most people happy (intent doesn’t matter, impact does). morality is defined by amount of happiness.
contractialism: if you agree to a contract, explicit or not, you must follow it. while the contract may not benefit you at all times, it is better than living in a world of “natural law”, a world with no contracts and no security.
virtue theory: if we try to be good people, good actions will follow (good intent = good impact). everyone should be good people because it is in our nature, it is our function. you are good if you fulfill your function and bad if you do not
natural law theory: god gave us the ability to be good
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usedtobeyours · 2 years
Text
a tale of a masseuse - the true, inconspicuous version
i know i told my friends various versions of this day - but here is the unsolicited truth of it.
i've been needing porn to get to my orgasms. and i've been reaching to the old (cof cof) mediums - pornhub, xvideos, etc.
and there... i don't know. there's a LOT. and what seemed to get me off were tantric massages videos. and i watched those for like 6 months thinking - oooh, i have to give this a shot at SOME point.
i have been having quite a few sleepless nights. for over a year now, but for more than once i was like: i gotta look into one of those. i did a couple times.
but, one sleepless dawn, i was fired up thinking i might as well do it tomorrow. i googled a place close by in copacabana. found it. they responded pretty soon - by this time it was like 7 am.
i texted the space. she said: if you can come between 10 and 12 am, we'll give you a discount.
i was like R$300? but i might as well? and in a sleepless haze i made the appointment. some friends of mine have heard the story as if it was a gift - im sorry for the lie, it wasnt.
the lady sent me the address and 5 minutes before the time i was booked for, i was knocking on the door. nervous as fuck, hadn't slept for a minute, was wearing a bathing suit and shorts.
i get in and the guy who answers the door looks like he's 22. he says, welcome, you can get naked. i look around the room. there is a bathroom to my right, and in the biggest room i could see 3 comfy mats and pillows, dark walls, candles, dimmed lights, some mantra playing on the radio, and some scent burning.
the boy said: - you can leave your stuff in this couch and i will leave so you can undress. we can change the music if you'd like.
me, nervous as fuck - is it okay if i keep my bikini on?
he says - yes, but the nuru massage is also at the table if you would like.
i was confused as fuck but here's a short explanation: when you go for a tantric massage, there are types. the first one, yoni (the one i allegedly paid for) includes touching of the body and of the vulva. let's put it like that. the nuru includes penetration.
i was like huh, okay. and i said - i'll keep my bikini on for a while and we'll see how it goes.
he orders me to lie down.
i do, and i will try to make this more of a reporting and not to make it so graphic. but he started dousing me in a scented oil and massaging my necks, my arms, my back. i got so relaxed my bikini top came out. then he started down from my feet's arch, to my calfs and the inner side of my tights. it was good.
this is when the massage gets good. i remove my bottoms and he gives me the full yoni massage. i remember getting reaaaally touchy and fine and then he started rubbing his body against me. and let me remind you - it had been about a year since i had fucked.
so, i ended up fucking the masseuse and i cant even tell you how many levels of fucked up it felt. but it also felt good and consensual. he made me come three times, one before, one during, one after.
when we were done and my hour was up, he said, hold up, imma roll a joint. would you like some? and im not really a weed person anymore, but if there was a place for it, i think it would be the mantra place, after coming trice.
we smoke a joint and start talking about life. he tells me he's 25 and studying to become a doctor. talking goes on and he tells me there are 5 other rooms just in the building where they provide massages on. he also tells me about his kind of clients and that he wanted to fuck me ever since he laid eyes on me at the door.
i know, i fell for it.
he hands me a water, and i say, are you free after this?, he says yes and i say, let's go get a beer. and mind you, its noon in a cloudy day and i havent slept but at this point who cares.
but he goes, and we both walk out of this copacabana building and walk across the street to the beach - where it is cloudy, and windy, and rainy - and sit in a kiosk, and order a beer, and start talking further. i say - there is no way in hell you're 25 - as he had said, and he shows me his id, 1996. we talk about how his aunt ran the place we were just in, and how she - ew! - taught him how to be a masseuse (ew again).
papo vai, papo vem... chuva comeca a cair e a gente vem pra minha casa. a gente bola mais um, bebe mais uma cerveja, e quando eu dou por mim a gente ta transando de novo na minha cama. e olha, a segunda foi muito melhor que a primeira.
e ai a gente termina, toma uma agua, e ele diz que tem que ir fazer almoco, que vao achar estranho ele ter ficado fora desde as 10, etc. ligou o alerta redflag.
trocamos whats e ele me chama pra sair direto. as 11 da manha no meio da semana kkkkk. obvio que nao rolou por motivos de trabalho mas olha...
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jjjjjjjjeffrey · 3 years
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C!Sam apologists are the only apologists I trust (on thin ice) bc I havent seen a single person say that he should still be running the prison but I Have seen so many people say that he should go on vacation
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nonbinary-kaz · 3 years
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bastard stops scowling for one minute and looks like he needs a nap
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go the fuck to sleep, bitch!
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itsaboutnothing · 3 years
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getting an alt is the best and worst thing to happen to tubbo because now he’s just always live
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kiilonova · 2 years
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i dont care about adhd. im over it
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ranvwoop · 3 years
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Chat being like "Ranboo sounds tired :(" as if it's not our fault after last night's stream
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