#you wanted to see the Titanic wreck

[chaoticdesertdweller]

#titanic #titan submersible #rich and dumb #gross misuse of wealth #when you exploit someone else's tragedy karma may be swift #you wanted to see the Titanic wreck #now you're part of it

[lastoneout]

Tbh I have a lot of complicated feelings about the whole OceanGate thing and I'm not really a fan of how this is being treated as The Evergiven 2, but as it becomes more and more likely that the sub suffered a critical failure and imploded days ago my main thought is that visiting the Titanic's wreck should be in the same category as climbing Mt. Everest; a pointless, unfathomably dangerous, disrespectful excursion that should not be allowed, or at least regulated and reserved for experts who know what they're doing to conduct research and/or matinance.

I mean like at this point I don't even think the average person should know where Titanic is. What is the benefit? All it leads to is death and the disruption and/or potential destruction of a mass gravesite that also doubles as a unbelievably valuable historic artifact that will not be around forever. Why the hell are people just allowed to go down there?? We don't let people go rub their hands all over the Mona Lisa, and that wouldn't even kill anyone, why can billionaires just go tromping around in far more deadly and fragile locations, especially ones where hundreds of people have already died?

But yeah idk there's no real point in adding my input to the discussion and I kinda don't want to comment on it beyond this anyway, but the whole situation sucks and def makes it clear there are simply some things people should not be allowed to do no matter how much goddamn money they have.

#I just do not understand rich people's obsession with going to space and climbing everest and shit like that #you have so much money and the only thing you can think to do with it is get yourself killed for what?? #bragging rights??? #and we should jusy let you do this even if it's hella disrespectful or destroying things that should be preserved???? #I s2g Glass Onion was a fucking prophecy #also don't take this as me saying these people deserve to die I don't have a say in who lives and who dies #and I don't believe in the death penalty #I just am baffled at the lengths rich people will go to for bragging rights #it's like they really do believe the world should bend to their will #and they should be allowed to do whatever they want bcs they have money #and yeah they did have reason to believe this was safe I will not deny that at all #I don't think this is as much of a fuck around and find out thing as people say it is #even poor people put our lives at risk doing dumb shit sometimes #I just think it's like....idk there's a difference between going on a shoddy carnival ride #and thinking you have a right to go see the wreck of the titanic #idk anyway I'm rambling more than anything this is just infuriating and tragic and stupid and I hate it #but we can learn from it at least #and what we should learn is 'you can't just do whatever you want bcs you have money' #people shouldnt be allowed to just put themselves in these sorts of situations #oceangate #titanic #current events

[slutdge]

anyways is anyone else kinda obsessed with this whole titanic submarine thing rn cause its all ive been thinking about for the last like 24 hours lmao

#like im just watching the video about this submarines construction like... yeah no shit it failed #the passengers had to sign a waiver before they went that said the submarine didnt follow any regulations like 💀 bruh #why are resources being wasted on recovering this submarine when its almost 100% certain theyre all dead #stupid ass rich people that do stupid ass rich people things like this shouldnt have time and tax money wasted on rescuing them #they knew what they signed up for lol you signed up for dumbassery bc yall think life is a movie where nothing bad can ever happen to yall #also that one lady that cried bc she wasnt able to go on one of the earlier expeditions like. #imagine being able to drop $250k casuaply for a ticket and expecting sympathy lol #''im worried ill never see her in person :('' bestie 99.99999999999999999999% of the population will never see the titanic wreck either #this whole thing has really just increased how badly i want to kill the rich by 474737478539%

[rosesforwildwitches]

I love Tumblr because on Instagram the people who say they're "left wing revolutionaries" are openly decrying anyone who says anything non-sympathetic about the rich people in the submarine, while here people actually stick to their damn "eat the rich" stances.

#submarine #thallasophobia #eat the rich #the airplane that just crashed in DC I was sympathetic towards because there was a 2 year old and her nanny who died #but this I have little to no empathy for #y'all spent $250k as non-scientists to fuck around on the graves of people just for pleasure without any aim of furthering public knowledge #and for anyone else who *actually* wants to learn more about the titanic in detail and see historical records and scans of the wreck #go to the museum in Belfast #the Titanic museum in Belfast has so much to show about the ship's building process #the rooms and food and all else on board #it goes through a minute by minute recreation of the sinking with recorded testimony from survivors at the time #and it has all of the latest photos of the wreck and sea floor maps from scientific expeditons to the site #plus it's way cheaper than the bullshit submarine #even if you have to factor in airfare and hotels

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so theres a lot of posts going round about the titanic wreck and the missing submarines; all of them that ive seen have made very good points about how shoddy the submersible seemed to be and how the company decided to wait eight hours before reporting it, and how this is a play stupid games, win stupid prizes for the ultra-wealthy who paid like 250grand a ticket for this thing.

but what i havent seen any posts about is how the titanic wreck is a gravesite and this tourism is disturbing the graves of over 1500 people.

sometimes its kinda hard to remember that those on the titanic were real people; it was over a century ago, the story has been romanticised in so many ways (like the movie), theres conspiracies theories galore that cloud everything with misinformation, but at the end of the day, those who died were real people.

do you want their names? heres a list of them; its a long read. and for fun, heres another site where you can see photos of the children and babies who died aboard.

their bodies are long gone and their lives long forgotten. all we have to remember them and honour them is the wreck itself. its all we have of them and it is their gravesite. its their tombstone.

caitlin doughty/ask a morticians video on the great lakes discusses the topic well, and why we should leave these shipwrecks alone because again, they are the gravesites of all the souls who died aboard those ships. we rarely have bodies to recover so we really are left just with the wreck.

and what really upsets me about titanic tourism is how the majority of those who died that night were not the ultra-wealthy rich folks you might picture when you think of ocean liners.

61% of the first class passengers survived

42% of the second class passengers survived

24% of the third class passengers survived

24% of the crew survived **

the majority of those who died that night were regular folk; not to be cliche, but they were just like us. titanics wreck is not only a gravesite for over 1500 people, its also a majority working class gravesite.

and look at us now. look at what were doing. the ultra-wealthy can pay the equivalent of peanuts to them to disturb a mass gravesite of the exact kind of people they exploit today to hold onto all their wealth. 

its easy to point and laugh at these dumb idiots in their playstation controller submarine, seemingly held together with super glue and duct tape, but its also important to remember that what they were doing was simply disturbing a gravesite for fun. though the company does research, these guys werent down there to conduct research, they were there so they could brag about it to their friends. its like “climbing mount everest” while your sherpa does all the work.

if you cant tell, i have a lot of feelings about this. shipwrecks and ocean liners are one of my special interests and im currently building a (beginner’s) model of the titanic, for fucks sake. but i would never go down to see that wreck because its a fucking gravesite and we should not be disturbing their final resting place.

#kai rambles #long post #i guess? #titanic #titanic wreck #oceangate #titan #titan sub #submarine #tw death #classism #capitalism #capitalist bullshit #exploitation #mass graves #tw mass graves #shipwrecks #oceangate expeditions #stockton rush #hamish harding #tourism #i have so many thoughts on shipwrecks because there are many you can actually explore #but as far as im concerned i really dont think you should if people died when that ship sank #you wanna go explore ss america? go for it #but titanic or the fitz? no #its a gravesite and we should be respecting those who died rather than rooting around their fucking graves #im upset and angry and just you know feeling A Lot #but also if you ever need titanic facts or stuff in this realm my askbox is always open and also go check out oceanliner designs on yt #shipposting

[kneelingshadowsalome]

Ohhh, Sometimes women's breast get clogged up with milk, könig would use this as the perfect opportunity to be close to you and massage your chest to help, he's just so sweet helping you out like that.😊

Omg omg omg of course he’d help her!!!

CW: Postpartum phase, children, light angst, breast stimulation, yandere undertones.

König has become soft ever since the baby was born.

You read somewhere that men's testosterone levels suffer a significant drop after they become fathers, which perhaps explains why he looks like a melting marshmallow in hot cocoa these days. König's stare has always followed you wherever you go but now that you're carrying his child in your arms, the looks he gives you are far more… benevolent. You suspect he must be proud of you, first carrying the baby for nine long months and then suffering an arduous birth - because of course this titan's baby weighed over 8 pounds - and now you're giving your everything to the soft little thing König calls "his kleine Butterblume."

You're in a baby bubble together, but not all days are heavenly and sweet. And now, on top of everything else, your breast is clogged. The lady at the maternity clinic told you this is a common issue and can easily be dealt with at home, but the instructions you received left you staring off into space for a few moments.

Later that evening, the problem is still very much acute, and you're getting desperate.

When you go to König and beg him to help you, there is a sharp intake of breath just before he nods. An odd striptease show ensues in silence: you're puffy and swollen and sore, you feel like a wreck as you take off your shirt and bra. König has always referred to you as a flower or a heavenly being, but now, you must resemble a sullen bloom at the end of July. Overblown and weary, heavy and plush, petals pouting, falling if someone were to touch them.

You feel like crying from seeing that König still worships you with his stare. If anything, he seems to approve of the extra pounds and your devastated state, only looks you up and down with boundless hunger, silent but with a heaving chest. When you're bare, he rises, and you're turned around and pulled in a stout embrace. Large, warm hands land over your poor, aching breasts, and you quickly remind him to be gentle - the instructions were to pet the breasts like you would a cat. He rumbles a dark laugh against your back, and then the hands start to massage you, blessedly soft but imperious.

Your sighs grow heavy and weary. It hurts a little, but the relief is imminent. Your head rolls back to rest on the mountain of his chest, and then you begin to sob.

You let it all come out as a series of soft, sad little whines: how tired you are, how the baby is far more work than you thought, how your breasts hurt all the time and how you don't even know if you're doing things right. How you just want to sleep…

He rubs you through your breakdown, and it's soothing to be held by someone as strong as König… But then he pants a hot wish in your ear.

"I thought we'd soon make another one..."

"Mh, wha–another one?"

"Ja, sicher. We must make three or four at least. Oder?"

You are about to collapse, about to faint, but can't because a demigod is keeping you from falling.

"Don't worry little lily. I know you need to rest first. I'll wait a few more weeks."

"König–"

You shudder as his thumbs brush over your nipples.

"Am I doing it right?" He asks with a low, soft purr.

Your mind is in disarray, a trophy from not getting enough sleep for months, and you're tired of struggling against his indomitable will. First things first, you think, stuffing the earlier conversation somewhere into the recesses of your exhausted mind.

"Um. The lady said you should–that you could… try to suck them too," you breathe with unease.

"Ist das so?"

You're moved to the bed before you can even whimper.

...Is he so eager to do this?

Of course he is; you haven't had sex in months. He's only had his own calloused hand to keep him company, and you've been too tired to even think about such things. Your body has become a stranger to you, and when he moves to crawl on top of you, it only looks like the prowl of an apex predator.

The coarse stubble of his chin makes you flinch – it's like an array of tiniest daggers caressing your breasts. When he takes your aching nipple into his warm mouth, you shudder. It feels utterly different to have a grown man sucking on your tits; it's ten times more demanding, a hundred times more intense when the man in question is König. The hunger, the overstimulation, the exhaustion make your head spin, his mouth and tongue force you to release your stress in shakes. Before you even know it, there are tears streaming down your face.

He doesn't stop. Probably thinks it's only a good thing that you get it all out of your system. He must feel good about himself for making you cry while lapping and sucking at your breasts, he rubs, licks, and nibs until you're sniffling and wailing on that bed.

"Little angel… I've never been this hard," he pants on your slathered, slick nipple. "Do you know what it does to a man to look but never touch?"

Your tiny, weary heart is flapping against its cage. "König, we can't make another one… I can't, I can't, not yet…"

"Ah… But if I promise I'll pull out?"

#that escalated quickly #does König keep his promise what do you think lol #answered #yandere könig #könig x female reader #könig x you

[megamindsupremacy]

I think the Robins should have a “Robin for a Day”program. It starts with Tim after he gets fed up with the YJ team always complaining about how he acts.

Kon: Robin, you seriously need to loosen up a bit more. Chill, the whole world ain’t out to get ya

Tim, has not revealed his identity yet: This is what I’ve been trained to do. How about you spend a day with Batman, and then we’ll see who’s “paranoid”

Bart: bet

Tim somehow manages to manipulate convince Bruce that it is a good idea to let Bart be Robin for a night. Something something more training always better something something get him off my back please.

Bart goes out that night and wrecks Gotham’s shit

Tim is delighted by the efficiency. Bruce acknowledges that Bart was very useful and also is never allowed in Gotham again without explicit and detailed permission

And then the rest of YJ wants their turn. And it goes… well? They’re less rude about Tim’s Everything, at least. Dick hears about all of this going on and is like wait, my friends deserve a night too :( so the Titans and ex-Titans all get to run around with Batman for a night. Bruce treats them all just like he would Robin.

Eventually it’s like a rite of passage. You want to be a kid hero? Alright, I’m calling Batman ya little shit. Survive a night with him and then we’ll see how it goes.

#mads posts #dc #Batman #Tim drake #young Justice #Gotham cannot get a break #it takes ages for people to realize signal and spoiler are here to stay #they’re like Christ MORE kid heroes? wonder when they’ll show up on a titans mission #no dumbass they’re Gotham heroes they ain’t goin anywhere #every other week Robin is replaced by Some Kid and Some Kid is always a) terrified of Batman for 2.4 hours max #b) superpowered or otherwise Very Scary #c) unhinged #cannot get a break #Batfam #teen titans #justice league #containment breach

[seeingivy]

spiderman’s sweetheart 

spider!eren x f!reader 

you find yourself helping out your friendly neighborhood spiderman

content: spiderman au!, mentions of violence/blood/injury, a very corny spider gang, pieck + hange best girlfriends and aunts, they keep calling the female titan a pervert, the iconic spiderverse monologue at the end

an: based on a request I received from @cutiejg hope you like it sweetie pie!!!! ur request made me so excited I just had to write it now bc I LOVE LOVE LOVE SPIDERMAN 

-- 

Eren’s late. He’s late, he’s late, he’s late. 

His skateboards not moving him nearly fast enough and the stupid fucking school security stopping him every ten feet isn’t helping him either. And the cracks in the pavement slowing him down and the soreness from last night aren’t exactly boosters either. 

When he reaches the basketball courts, he sees you sitting there and feels his heart drop - black sunglasses perched on your face, your hair glowing in the sun, and your nose stuck in a book. As he walks up, he instantly recognizes the cover of the book you’re reading - The Heir to the Jedi - one of his favorite novels from when he was younger. 

He picks up his skateboard from the ground, running his hand through his hair one time before he clears his throat to get your attention. He watches intently as look up, giving him a smile as you yank your earbuds out of your ears. 

“Hi. I’m Eren. Eren Yeager. From the yearbook? We uh- went to elementary school together. And middle school. The same class too - with that hardass Mr. Levi? And uh-I’m sorry I’m late, I just got out of work.” 

Work. In his job as the cities most wanted vigilante, Spiderman. 

He’s cut off by the sound of you laughing, your nimble fingers pulling your sunglasses off the tip of your nose and pulling them up to hold your hair back. 

Fuck. This is infinitely harder when you’re making direct eye contact with him, glowing eyes peering into his. 

“I know who you are, Eren.” 

“You do?” 

“Of course, I do. How could I forget the guy who spilled orange juice all over Mr. Levi - the clean freak hardass himself’s - desk? 

Eren feels his cheeks burn, embarrassment coursing through his blood as he fumbles with the camera around his neck. Great. All you remember is the time he got yelled at and sent to the principal’s office in seventh grade for being clumsy. 

It’s not his fault he spilled the fucking orange juice. You just happened to look at him right at that second, pulling your face up from your textbook, to smile at him and his hands just started sweating and it just happened. 

“Right, uh- so you like Star Wars?” 

He watches you gather your belongings - a pale green waterbottle, your solid black backpack - covered in pins and ribbons as you both head down to the courts. One pin catches his eyes - the signature spider emblem right in the middle. The “I Stand with Spiderman” pins. 

A month after he started this whole Spiderman thing, the police chief called a task-force, aimed towards arresting the “spider vigilante” that was wrecking havoc. He almost got caught, backed up into a corner during one of his first fights, but the people in the city blocked him off, giving him enough time to get away. 

It was…a whole moment. The community, the people - they love Spiderman. So much that they started a whole movement to protect him, started by a group called “The Lions.” The names corny, but they’ve protected him more times than not so…he appreciates it. And that pin - it means you’re a part of it. 

Not only are you a part of a group that supports him, but you’re the class president of the school. And he’s the editor in chief of the yearbook. And in your presidential duties, you’ve tasked him with joining you at all your club progress meetings to take pictures of each club. It’s easier to do it together so you don’t take up that much time from each club - one meeting to get all the business sorted out. 

“Huh? Oh! Because of the book. Yeah, my little brother, Falco. Really into that stuff.” 

“Does he have a favorite character?” 

“Kylo Ren.” 

“I was Kylo Ren for Halloween. Armin, Jean, and Connie were the knights.” 

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Why the fuck did he just tell you that he was a nerdy fucking Star Wars character for Halloween? Did he seriously just admit that he has the same interests as your fucking eleven year old little brother? 

“That’s clever, since it sounds like your name and all. Eren - Ren. Falco and I went as Harry and Hermione.” 

“Ah. You should be Rey and Finn next year. Because you’re like….a ray?” 

He watches you turn over to look at him, eyes squinting in confusion. 

Because she’s a ray? Eren Yeager, literal fucking spider-human who can swing from literal buildings, and the best he can come up with is you’re a ray. He couldn’t even finish the sentence and say ray of sunshine? 

“If I’m a ray, than you’re a segment.” 

He laughs so hard, he snorts and it’s literally so fucking embarrassing he wants to crawl in a hole. 

Math joke. You made a math joke. Because if she’s a ray, a part of a line that has no fixed end point, then he’s a segment - a line with two distinct end points. 

Eren tries his best to concentrate, but your sweet honey voice and your soft flowery smell make it hard to pay attention. He snaps the pictures. He walks you to your car. He goes to sleep with a smile on his face. 

- 

from y/n l/n 

you: eren!!! the basketball pictures are so great. ty for all ur help :’) 

Armin, Connie, Jean, and Eren all hover their heads over the phone - lying flat on his bed spread - trying their best to write out the best response. 

This is serious. Eren’s had a crush on you since the fourth grade. And this is his chance. 

“You should tell her thank you. And that you want to get coffee with her.” 

Connie grabs Armin by the collar of his shirt, nearly strangling him in the process. 

“Are you fucking kidding, Armin? He might as well say he wants to have sex with her.” 

Eren can feel his cheeks heat up as Armin and Connie start arguing, half swatting each other on the face. Armin’s screaming into Connie’s ear, the both of them tangling on the floor now. 

“What the fuck are you on about, Connie? It’s coffee shop, not a fucking bar.” 

Eren webs the two of them off each other, giving them both a smack on the back of the head as they stop. 

“You can’t web us Eren. We’re your guys in the chair!” 

Originally, Eren had one guy in the chair. Armin. A bloody genius at all things science and technology - he couldn’t have designed his web slingers without him. Granted, he tried but they didn’t work as well. 

But then he had to tell Connie. Because Connie had an in at the fabric store, his best friend Sasha’s mom as the primary designer, and he desperately needed someone to design a suit so he could keep his identity a secret. So he told him. Because that’s the only way Sasha’s mom would agree. If her biological son basically begged her to make a suit. 

Connie’s a loudmouth. Who told Jean. Who isn’t entirely useless. Sure he’s got a pretty big fucking head, but his dad is also a cop - meaning Jean can steal their radio systems so Eren can respond to events faster than them. 

A spider gang. 

“You’re both some big fucking idiots, that’s what you are. Where the fuck were you raised, Connie? A barn?” 

Eren, Connie, and Armin immediately stop talking the second they hear the swishing sound fill the air, turning their heads to find Jean with the phone in his hands. He sent a message. 

Jean’s smirking at the three of them, shaking the phone in his hands. Eren immediately stalks over, his eyes boggling out of his fucking sockets when he reads the response. 

to y/n l/n 

eren: thanks bae! 

“Jean Kirstein. Count your fucking days.” 

He immediately webs Jean to the wall behind him, slapping across the face one time for good measure as well. 

“What gives? It’s sweet - calling back to the ray joke you told us about.” 

Jean yanks his hand off the drywall, placing the stray webs onto Eren’s bed spread. 

“The ray joke? Your dumbass literally responded with ‘thanks bae’”

Jean sits up, snatching the phone from Eren’s hands as he runs his eyes over the phone again. Jean’s face turns uncharacteristically pink, an apologetic look on his face. Eren tags him to the wall behind him, spiderwebs holding his wrists up properly to the drywall this time. 

“Touch my phone again and I’ll web you upside down from the Empire State Building next.” 

“It was autocorrect! I thought I typed ray.” 

Eren webs over Jean’s mouth to prevent him from talking any further. He plops on the floor, head in his hands. 

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. This can’t get any more embarrassing. First he spills that orange juice in front of you and then calls you a ray and is late to meeting with you and now sends you this fucking horrifying text? 

You’re going to block him. You’re going to block him and Eren’s going to lose his chance with you. Eren is most definitely going to hang Jean upside down from the Empire State Building. 

His phone dings in the air and the three of them - Connie, Armin, and Eren - nearly drop the phone off the fucking bed trying to read the response. Jean’s voice is muffled against the web - sounding an awful lot like “if it’s a good response, you have to set me up with Mikasa”

from y/n l/n 

you: you’re welcome sweetheart :DDD 

Armin and Connie are fucking shaking Eren by the neck, the three of them screaming in the air. Jean’s still muffling against his web, begging to find out what you responded. 

Eren ignores that embarrassing heart skip in his chest. 

 - 

“Where is it guys?” 

Eren turns up his earpiece, swinging towards the end of the buildings. He could hear the crashing as he was walking back to his apartment, decking into the alley way to suit up. 

Armin - in all of his fucking genius - created matching earpieces for the four of them to use when Eren was on sight, everyone making sure a base was covered. Armin reported on the casualty, trying his best to think of ways to use the enemies weaknesses to Eren’s advantage. 

Connie watched the security cams Jean gave him access to, finding the best access route for Eren to get in and out of places. And Jean, in all his annoyingness, kept surveillance on the fucking cops trying to arrest him at every move. 

“Rose Middle School. Apparently, it’s like some fucking superhuman female titan and she’s giant. She’s wrecking through the parks right now.” 

“On it, Armin. Jean and Connie - keep me updated on where the cops are.” 

“Make sure a flaming car hits Mr. Levi.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Jean.” 

Eren turns his ear piece down, swinging into his old middle school as he surveys the problem. 

And Lord have mercy, she is fucking giant. A chiseled titan of pure muscle, striking blue eyes and blonde hair watching him swing through the air. She’s currently demolishing the PE equipment, which he imagines can’t be too bad, given it’s centuries old. 

Maybe they’ll finally replace the pickle ball equipment with a real sport - like basketball of volleyball. Eren webs her ankles and arms together first, knocking her down to the side. 

“Hey lady. Have you ever thought about like…putting clothes on? This feels weirdly inappropriate.” 

She only roars in response, breaking open the webs around her ankles as she reaches around for him in the air. Eren swings around her, basically flying through the air, as he tags her to the tree behind her. He taps into the ear piece, waiting for a response. 

“Best idea is to leave her there for now, Eren. There’s a kid around the block, make sure he’s okay before you try again.” 

“On it, Armin.” 

He swings around the block, to find one pale, blonde haired kid - a nose stuck in his book and headphones covering his ears. Did he not just see the hoard of kids running away? Or here that female titan just scream? 

He steps down, using his webs to yank the kids headphones off as he steps down in front of him. When the kid looks up, he realizes he has a puddle full of tears in his eyes, his cheeks brazen pink. 

“Hey kid.” 

He sniffles in response, pressing his hand against his nose. 

“Hi.” 

He crouches down, holding out his hand to shake. 

“I’m Spiderman. What’s your name?” 

“Falco.” 

“Nice to meet you, Falco. Want to get out of here before that creepy little weird lady comes back?” 

“Um, yeah. But my sister is supposed to come get me.” 

“Your sister, huh? Did she say where?” 

Stupid sister. Was she really planning on getting you from here? This sister couldn’t meet him at the Starbucks across the street?

“Right here. I’m waiting for her to show up so we can leave. She said to listen to music and read my jedi book so I don’t panic.” 

Jedi Book. Sister. Falco. You. Holy fucking god, this is your little brother. The one who likes the Kylo Ren. 

Right on cue, he can feel his spider sense tingling, with you running behind him - sneakers slapping against the concrete as you sprint. You nearly knock Spiderman over as you grab Falco by the face, cupping his cheeks in your hands as you run your eyes all over him. 

Your face is all scrunched up in panic and Eren can feel his senses heightened at the sight of you, this kid, and this creepy fucking titan lady a few feet away from you. You need to leave. Now. He needs you to leave because he can’t focus if you’re here. 

“You okay, Coco? Let’s go. Right now.” 

“Okay, okay.” 

But before you can, a large crashing sound knocks the three of you to the ground, the stupid female titan standing over the breadth of the elementary school, crystal blue eyes glaring down at the three of you. Spiderman webs up first, spinning around her as he calls out to her. 

“God, lady. You should really put some clothes on. You’re flashing entire titty to a kid right now.” 

All you can do is look up in shock, the titan’s crystal blue eyes staring into yours. Your hold on Falco is nearly deathlike and you shaking Falco’s arms as hard as you can to signal him to follow you. 

You begin to pull him but feel a tug when Falco doesn’t follow. He’s crying hard - tears pouring out of his eyes as he looks down at his feet. 

“I can’t move- I-I’m scared, Y/N.” 

You reach down, pressing your hands firm against his shoulders as you squeeze. 

“This isn’t the time to be scared, Falco. You’re okay. Spiderman’s right there and he’s dealing with-” 

You look up to find Spiderman, trapped in the palm of the titan’s hand, a broken device in his hand and one splayed on the floor, not a few feet away from you. You leave Falco where he’s standing, scrambling over to inspect it. 

It’s small and rectangular - blue and red splayed all over the intricate design work. In the tiniest of handwritings, there’s a small piece of text in the corner. 

property of the spider gang bitch 

Spider Gang? That’s so fucking corny. 

You hear Spiderman yelling out at you, refocusing to your vision to him, where he’s still trapped in her hand. 

“Mind giving me my webslinger back, sweetheart?” 

“Uh- yeah. I-” 

Before you can toss it up to him, the female titan stomps straight on to the concrete, knocking you and all the nearby outposts to the ground. Your ankle is immediately trapped under the mailbox to your right, the webslinger still in your hand. 

You try your best to yank your leg out from the metal, but you can feel your ankle burning - the pressure on your leg making your chest writhe in pain. Falco runs over, his hands in your hair as his hot tears start hitting your cheeks. 

“Hey. Hey hey hey. Falco, right?” 

You both angle your head up, looking at Spiderman talking to the two of you. The titan’s still got him crushed in her hand, but she’s distracted by the sound of the police cars coming up the block. Falco’s taken a few steps forward, towards the stupid alien mutant whatever the fuck titan she is. 

“You’re a strong kid, right?” 

“Not really. I didn’t pass my physical test last week.” 

“Not strong in that way, kid. Strong in the head, the heart.” 

“Um. I don’t know, Spiderman. I’m kind of lame when it comes to stuff like this.” 

Eren racks his head. He just needs his fucking webslinger back so he can get you guys out of here. And not get arrested. And not break every bone in his body from this death grip this naked lady has on him. And to make sure you’re okay. 

“Kylo Ren. He was pretty lame when he started out too right? He had to go to the special Jedi school with Luke and kind of learn everything from the start.” 

Eren sees Falco’s eyes light up, his tears lightly subsiding as he finally meets his eyes up to look at Eren. Bingo. 

“Yeah.” 

“And then he became really, really cool because he just tried it out right?” 

“Yeah and then he became evil and got the Knights of Ren.” 

“Okay, kid. Maybe ignore that part.” 

He sees Falco laugh, the female titan squeezing him harder in his grasp as she looks around, the police helicopters, right on fucking cue, starting to surround the three of you. 

“Okay, Falco. I need you to be strong. Like Kylo Ren, right now. Your sister, she’s got my webslinger in her hand. I need you to get it and then toss it to me. Can you do that?” 

Eren watches Falco nod, turning back to grab his precious, precious web slinger and toss it up to him. He misses the first time. And then the second time. But on the third time, he aims just right, the magnetic latch sliding in and Eren webbing this stupid titan bitch right in the fucking eyes. 

He swings down, lifting the metal mailbox from your legs as he lifts you into your arms, carrying you bridal style. He looks down at you - sweat coating your forehead and your eyes blinking closed. Falco’s at his side watching expectantly, his hand in his hair. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll get you to a hospital right away, okay?” 

He watches you nod in pain, crimson red blood running down the side of your leg. 

“Spiderman. Can I come too?” 

“Kid. That’s a stupid question. Climb on my back. We’ll take Y/N to the hospital, okay?” 

He swings away as the cops close in, the female titan encasing in steam as he swings away. He taps into his earpiece. 

“Someone watch what happens. See if she escapes through the steam somehow since she’ll definitely be back. And where’s the closest hospital?” 

“King Street, Eren. Pieck should be working.” 

“Got it, Armin. Thank you.” 

He swings as fast as he can, trying to ignore Falco’s death grip on his neck and your eyes fluttering closed as he swings into Pieck’s open window. 

A special edition to the Spider Gang (unofficially, of course) - Pieck is the best fucking asset in the world. A Nurse Practitioner he once saved from getting robbed, she’s now indebted to him entirely. And she’s also his Aunt Hange’s girlfriend - not that either of them know he’s Spiderman. 

Not that he would ever ask her for anything personal, he just brings injured civilians caught in his crossfire to her so he can avoid the whole - Are you Spiderman? Do the webs come out of your holes? Can you swing me to work later? 

He swings into her office, laying you flat on the gurney in the center of the room and setting Falco down on the couch nearby. 

As soon as he settles Falco into the chair, he feels his spider sense tingle and spreads his hand behind his neck, catching the syringe Pieck threw at him before it could hit him. He turns his back, smirking at Pieck through his mask. 

“Pieck-chan.” 

“I’m calling the police, SpiderFuck.” 

“Cmon. I saved your life, you know?” 

“That was one time. You’ve almost got me fired three times over.” 

“Cmon, cmon Pieck. This girl, I know her. Just help her out, yeah? She’s really sweet, y’know that?” 

He watches Pieck divert her eyes past him, focusing on you writhing on the gurney. She sighs as she smacks Eren on the side of the head, reaching forward to attend to your leg. 

“Get out of here, SpiderAss. They’ll be circling around the building any minute.” 

Eren runs up, tackling Pieck in a hug, before she can protest and swings out the window. 

-  

You haul your black boot up the door, knocking on the door. You can see “Zoe” inscribed into the little call box, ensuring that you did find the correct apartment from the directory. You can hear a loud rustling behind the door and the door swings open. You’re met with Hange, Eren’s aunt. 

“Hi. My name is Y/N. I attend Shiganshina High School. I’m a classmate of Eren’s, I was wondering if he was here.” 

“Pieck. Pieck! THERE’S A GIRL HERE TO SEE HIM.” 

Eren’s aunt drags you in by the wrists, taking the tin of brownies in your hand and setting it on the table, as they inspect you. Their eyes are glinting with excitement as they smile at you, teetering on their ankles as they talk. 

“Do you like Eren? Oh, isn’t he just so nerdy and sweet, I just love him. Do you love him?” 

A hand comes straight into Hange’s hair, yanking them back. You follow the line of vision, seeing that the hand belongs to Pieck. The nurse that Spiderman dropped you off to. Only more proof that you’re right. 

Pieck leans straight into Hange’s frame, rolling her eyes at Hange as she starts talking to you. 

“We were starting to worry about the kid. I thought he was impotent or something.” 

“Oh! Uh, no-” 

Hange leans over into your space, grabbing you by the shoulders. 

“How do you know he’s not impotent? Oh, you two better be having safe sex or I swear to god.” 

“No! Oh, no no, I swear it’s not-” 

Hange keeps rambling to themselves as they walk around the kitchen, yanking Pieck along with them. Pieck glances to your side, mouthing the words “he’s upstairs” as you shoot her a grateful smile and you start lugging your boot up the stairs. 

You knock on the door, voices muffled on the inside as you peak in. When you swing open the door, you find Connie, Eren, Jean, and Armin in a very strange position. The four of them are clearly playing Twister - Eren’s face near Jean’s ass and Connie’s hand right near Armin’s…dick. 

“Uh. Hi guys.” 

At the sound of your voice, they all quirk their heads towards you, so shocked at your presence that they all tumble on each other. You hear Hange screaming from the bottom of the stairs, her words making your cheeks turn red. 

“Eren Yeager. You better not be having sex with that girl in my house!” 

You watch Eren tangle out of the mess, rubbing the back of his neck as he screams back at Hange, slamming the door shut. He helps Armin and Jean up, before he turns back to you - his cheeks glowing pink. 

“Hi Eren.” 

“Hi Y/N. What are you doing here? Is your leg okay?” 

You hold out the card, embellished in your sparkly pink stationery and hold it out to him. You bought him a gift card - to Joe’s, the coffee shop near the highschool. You’d seen him bring a half empty cup to class a few times and figured it would be the best gift. 

You had to thank him. Because your leg put you out of commission for a week, you hadn’t been coming to school. And he sent you all the assignments (and the answer keys) while you were out. And made sure to tell all the clubs to keep their emails to themselves until you were back. And if you’re right, he’s the one who saved your life. 

“This is for you. Thank you - for the homework and the emails. It helped a lot.” 

You lean forward and press a kiss to his cheek, the skin soft and warm under your lips. Jean face plants on to the floor, Connie and Armin staring at you in shock. 

“Right. I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you guys. You’re Connie, Armin, and Jean?” 

They all nod, awkwardly shaking their heads as they plant on to Eren’s futon, Eren joining them on the seat. You sit right on Eren’s bed, the sheets Jurassic Park themed, as you face them. 

Here goes. 

“I know your secret.” 

“We know yours.” 

Eren smacks Jean across the back of his head, signaling him to shut up. 

“I thought about it. Really hard when I was in the hospital. You see, I really didn’t have much to do.” 

You lay back on Eren’s bed, pin pointing each of them and what you discovered by the line they’re sitting in. Jean first. 

“You know, one of the biggest mysteries about Spiderman is how he manages to get to casualties and robberies so fast. They’re usually reported through the police department, the intercoms only going through the radio.” 

The four of them are twitching at your words, after you casually drop the word Spiderman specifically, as you continue. 

“There was a radio that went missing a few weeks ago. Police Officer Kirstein lost the intercom on his way home from his shift. It was never recovered.” 

Jean turns red at the implication, his knees shaking as he drops his eyes. You’re right. You’re right, you’re right, you’re right. Connie next. 

“And you know, Spiderman has a very cool suit. Blue and red, specially stitched and special fabric clothes. I’ve thought long and hard about who could have designed it, but really there’s only one good designer in New York. Lisa Braus.” 

You turn your eyes to Connie, whose awkwardly looking around the walls, at anywhere but you. 

“Lisa Braus is Sasha Braus’s mother. You know, I’ve heard she can be coerced really easily, she really loves her daughter. I’m sure if you, Connie, gave Sasha say - a promise of a lifetime of free lunches from your parents restaurant - she could have given in and gotten her mom to make the costume. No questions asked.” 

Connie wrings his hand around his neck, groaning as he leans back into the futon. Armin’s hands are splayed right across his thighs, surely rubbing the sweat off on his slacks. 

“And the web-slingers. Ingenious design, really. There’s only one person who beat me out at the Tech-A-Thon in ninth grade. And it was you, Armin. They have your name written all over it - the design, the metrics. Though, you’re getting kind of sloppy. From the few seconds I looked at it, I think you can pack more webs if you lay them diagonally against the hardware instead of vertically.” 

You watch the gears move in Armin’s head as he thinks over your suggestion, turning to Eren to shrug. And then you look at Eren, leaning his elbows on his knees as he looks at you. 

“And you. You’re Spiderman. That day, when you saved me and Falco. You told him to be strong, like Kylo Ren. But you don’t know Falco like that. All you know is what I’ve told you And there’s no way Spiderman could have known that - unless you were Spiderman.” 

He leans over, his green eyes glaring into yours. 

“That’s all a coincidence, Y/N. Maybe you hit your head when you fell on that mailbox.” 

You falter for a second. You can’t be wrong. You can’t be wrong because you’re sure of it. You’ve thought it over for the past few days and he has to be. He has to be Spiderman. 

“How do you know it was a mailbox? Stop lying, Eren. I know it’s you.” 

“No, you don’t-” 

Eren stands up and you join him, getting closer to him as you keep talking, trying to convince him that you know. 

“You-you took me to Pieck when I got hurt. And while Pieck is just a nurse and anyone would do it, you took me to her specifically. Because you know she’ll fix it. Not just because she’s a nurse who cares about healing people but if she tries to rat you out - you can tell her you’re Spiderman. She’ll defend you like no other because you’re basically her pseudo-kid.” 

“You’re making things up, Y/N.”

“And the earpiece. You said “got it, Armin” when you were carrying me to the hospital. I’ve looked and looked. Armin Arlert is the only Armin in Brooklyn. It’s a pretty unique name. And I know if you’re Spiderman and he’s probably the first person you told. You’ve been best friends forever and-

“Y/N. Seriously-

“No, Eren. Because Spiderman called me sweetheart! And I called you sweetheart when you called me bae and you told Pieck that you knew me and that I was a sweet girl when you thought I couldn’t hear you.” 

You place your hands on his shoulders, boring your eyes into yours as he looks at you. 

“Eren. You’re Spiderman. And I would never, ever tell anyone.” 

You watch as he drops his gaze, muttering under his breath. 

“Got me all figured out, don’t you sweetheart?” 

Eren settles back down on the couch, as Connie, Jean, and Armin start their protests. 

“Eren, you can’t just go around telling people you’re fucking Spiderman.”

“You’re a vigilante. Do you know that? Her dad is the fucking police captain who wants your head on a stick.” 

“Spider Gang is already way too big as it is. Your identity will get revealed if you keep being an idiot.” 

You clear your throat, the four of them craning their heads to look at you. You look down awkwardly at your hands as you sit back down on Eren’s bed, rustling with your keys in your pocket. 

“You guys told me a secret. I can tell you one too.” 

Jean leans forward, rolling his eyes at you.

“He just admitted he was Spiderman, sweetheart. I don’t think anything compares to that.” 

Eren brings his hand down in Jean’s hair and yanks hard. 

“Don’t call her that.” 

You yank your keys out, fumbling with them in your hands openly. 

“You guys know about “I Stand With Spiderman”?” 

Connie rolls his eyes, glaring at you. 

“Obviously. Shit’s a fucking revolution at this point.” 

“I started it. The pins and the spray art and telling everyone.” 

You watch the four of them go slack jawed, for what feels like the tenth time today, staring you down. Armin speaks first this time, standing up to run his hand through his hair. 

“You-you’re the Lions?” 

“Yeah. It’s a stupid name, but-” 

Jean cuts you off, nearly strangling you as he shakes your entire frame in his hands. 

“That’s fucking impossible. Your dad is a bigger pig than mine and there’s no way in hell his fucking daughter is the one who started the thing that protects Eren every time he’s out there.” 

“That’s just the point, Jean. I got mad at my dad. So I started it. I think Spiderman’s the best thing that happened in the community and I knew that people agreed with me. So I did what I knew how to do. Spray paint. Pins. The people.” 

Eren stands up, yanking Jean off to grab your hands and lock his fingers with yours. 

“The Lions?” 

You clear your throat, explaining. 

“Harry and Hermione are Gryffindors. And Gryffindors are lions.” 

You can feel your cheeks turn pink - from Eren staring at you so close and holding your hands and Armin smiling at the two of you in your peripheral vision. You hold your keys up, dangling them between yours and Eren’s face, your shiny little Lego Harry Potter key chain making Eren’s eyes light up. 

Eren lets go of your hands and starts rummaging through his drawers, looking for something. He pulls out a small black string. Her reaches up to push your loose hairs behind your ears, stringing the piece through your ear. 

He taps on his own ear, speaking into the mic. His voice vibrates through your, a beaming smile on his face. 

“Y/N. Welcome to Spider Gang.” 

“That’s a really corny nickname, Eren. Could you really not come up with anything better?” you laugh, smiling at him.

“Says the girl who named a fucking revolution after Harry Potter.” Jean speaks up, glaring at you as he talks. 

“Jean. Shut the fuck up.” 

“Sorry, Eren.” 

 - 

Eren’s swinging through the buildings, clutching the side of his thigh as he retreats back to his apartment. 

Stupid fucking female titan. He’s been encountering her here and there - a total of six times now and he still has yet to understand what she’s doing. 

She appears out of nowhere, in locations that have no thread of connection - the elementary school, the coffee shop on the block near the bodega, the botanical garden all the way out of Brooklyn. 

He can’t figure it out. She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t talk. No matter how many times he insults her for being a naked pervert, she still doesn’t break. 

When he makes it back to his apartment, swinging into his room through the open window, he finds his spider team…down. Armin and Connie are sprawled on the ground, hair all messy and tiredness pressed on their faces as they pore over the new web-slinger designs. Jean’s on the computer, six empty cans of redbull on his desk as he pores over the footage, trying to figure out how she escaped. 

And you. You’re sprawled on Eren’s dinosaur sheets, using the DNA samples he gave you as a pillow, lightly drooling onto the results. He reaches down, lifting your head gently as he places it back down onto a real pillow, as you mumble on in your sleep. 

“Is she okay, Armin?” 

“Ah. She might be taking her Spider Gang duties a little bit too seriously than the rest of us. That and she’s more busy - she’s still doing all of her class president and internship stuff on top of this.” 

He sees you move in your sleep, rubbing your eyes with the back of your hand, as you focus in on your surroundings. The second you see Eren, the gash in his thigh, you jump up from the bed, scooting over to examine the gash. 

“Eren. Are you okay? You’re okay, right? Because I think I might be on to something and you can get her next time. I-I think she goes to our school or maybe-” 

Eren presses his hand to your knee as you take the seat next to him, leaning over to look at the gash. 

“Guys. Can I talk to her alone please? And get my dinner from Pieck, there’s no way I can hide this from her.” 

Armin, Connie, and Jean close the door behind him, leaving you to help Eren strip out of his suit. You’re trying your best to be gentle - pausing every time he hisses and groans in pain, lightly pulling the fabric out of the gash on his thigh. 

After it’s off, you reach for the kit Jean stole from Pieck’s room, cleaning and bandaging the wound. You try your best to not focus on the fact that Eren’s just wears his boxers under the suit and he’s just wearing his boxers right now in front of you. 

“Hey.” 

“Hi Eren.” 

“You know, you don’t have to take your Spider Gang duties so seriously. We’re all trying to figure out who she is and the bulk of it doesn’t have to fall on you.” 

“Spider Gang is a stupid name. And yes, I do. They barely spend any time thinking about it - with Jean trying to push back on all the initiatives they’re putting into stop you and Connie and Armin trying to perfect your tech so you can last longer.” 

“I last just fine. I just mean…you’re busy. Take a break, I don’t like seeing you guys all so worn out.” 

You push hard on the wound on accident, Eren groaning in pain. 

“Sorry. But we don’t like seeing you hurt Eren. You’re literally bleeding onto your futon right now and that’s not exactly a fun thing to see either.” 

He tilts his head down, his eyes in front of yours. 

“Worried about me, sweetheart?” 

You feel your cheeks burn, placing your hand in his hair to move his head out of the way. You start placing the bandages over the mark, smoothing them out with your hands. 

“Yes, Eren. Sue me. You’re fighting a crazy, perverted naked lady everyday. Arrest me if it’s so criminal to worry about you.” 

Eren laughs as he places one of his hands around your face, angling your face up so you look at him. You’re glaring at him, which Eren only returns a soft smile to. 

“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m Spiderman.” 

“Yes. You’re Spiderman. Not God, Eren. You can get hurt. And you just did. And she’s crazy and-

Eren presses his hands around your waist, pulling you in his lap to sit on him. You’re careful not to rest your legs against his wound, your arms secured around his neck and his around your waist. 

“Y/N. Are you scared of her?” 

You can feel the tears burning in your eyes at the question, your heart dropping in your chest. 

“Horrified, Eren. She-she knocked that mailbox onto my leg and had you in her hand and I just-I thought she was going to crush you and then Falco next. And I dream about it all the time, and it’s just- my leg still doesn’t feel the same and it hurts and-” 

Eren tangles one of his hands around your neck, laying your face flat against his neck as he rubs small circles into your back. You’re crying - wet tears falling onto his neck as you rack sobs into his neck. 

You’re not going to get hurt. You’re not going to get hurt because he’s Spiderman and he’s going to protect you. And there’s no point in him having any of this if you feel this way. 

“You were really brave that day, Y/N. You and Falco.” 

“Just Falco, Eren. You-you made him so brave, I feel like his confidence has been better lately and-” 

“Even if you were petrified, you were still brave regardless. I’ve seen it happen - people freeze up in shock, freak out when they’re faced with things like this. But here you are, still fighting it, in the way that you can. You’re brave, sweetheart.” 

You avoid the tingling in your chest at the nickname, his hands on yours, and his sweet, sweet voice in your ears. 

He’s going to find that fucking female titan if it’s the last thing he does. 

 - 

“Armin, what the fuck happened? Why did we just lose connection?” 

The four of you - Armin, Connie, Jean, and you - are currently locked in the computer lab, six hours after the school closed. You had planned it all out, set a trap for the Female Titan underneath the school, so that Eren could catch her once and for all. 

The problem? Eren just went underground. And he had been talking to you for the last twenty minutes. But you heard it, that loud, high-pitched feminine voice and then static in all four of your earpieces. 

Armin’s smacking on his computer, Jean clicking through all the footage. All of the camera’s are still up and running, all but one on static. You stop Jean in his stead, as Armin and Connie smack on the computer, trying to fix the ear pieces. 

“Wait, wait, Jean. Where is that?” 

“Girls locker room. The volleyball team was there last.” 

You lean over to Connie, opening his computer as you log into your accounts. Jean’s leaning over your chair, both of you hovering as you log into your administrative office account. 

“What gives, Y/N?” 

“Jean. The girl, female pervert whatever. She must have transformed in there and broke the camera. Whichever girl didn’t log in for practice today, since there’s no way that girl isn’t injured from the fight she had with Eren last night, has to be the girl we’re looking for. Attendance in class but not in practice.” 

Armin, Jean, and Connie lean over your neck as you log into the account, loading the nursing record for today. And then you find it. 

Annie Leonhart has requested a medical leave of absence for the week due to an extenuating injury. She may return to regular practice next week. 

Signed Pieck Finger, N.P. 

Armin all but falls out of his chair, quickly getting up to fix the computers. 

“Shit shit shit shit shit.” 

You grab his shoulder, basically strangling him as you ask. Because why the fuck is he so worried that Annie is the fucking female pervert? 

“What’s wrong, Armin? Why are you so panicked?” 

“Annie. She suspects that Eren is Spiderman. And she…she wants to know who he is for sure, she’s told me that before. And if she puts him into a corner, she’s going to expose him to the police.” 

You feel your throat run dry as the tears start working their way up to your eyes, burning hot. No. Because they’re going to arrest Eren. Maybe even kill him and- 

Connie drops his laptop straight onto the floor, his eyes weary as he looks up at the ceiling. 

“What now, Connie?” 

“Y/N. It-it’s Friday. Meaning, they’re resetting the plumbing for the weekend and-” 

Armin speaks up next, racking his hands through his hair. 

“Oh my god. The sink waters flooding in the tunnels. He’s done for.” 

You grab Armin by the collar, the anger seething in your chest. 

“Why is he done for? What’s wrong with the water, Armin?” 

“The webs. We haven’t perfected them yet and they dissolve in water. And it’s not a big deal because it’s not raining yet but-” 

Now you get it. 

“He’s down there with no defenses. And Annie’s going to get him any second. And tell everyone who he is.” 

Jean grabs you by the shoulders, shaking your head as he fixes your hair against your ears. 

“Think. Think, Y/N. You must know something about how to turn it off - you sit through all those administrative board meetings and talk to every fucking faculty member at this school because you’re a goody two shoes. You must know something.” 

And then you remember. The only way to turn off the water is to go down there, close off the pipes manually. 

You leave the three of them in the computer leg and sprint on your bad leg, down to where you know Eren’s waiting for you.  

 - 

Connie, Armin, and Jean find you an hour later. You’re in the tunnels, where they set their trap, with a huge gash on the side of your head and a very bruised and battered Eren in your hands. You’re crying hard, your hands soft on Eren’s hands trying to will him to wake up. 

Connie and Jean loop their arms around Eren’s, prying him out of your arms to lift him out of the tunnels. Armin helps you up, supporting your bad leg. 

“What happened, Y/N?” 

“I got down here, Tried turning off all the pipes manually. Eren was still trying his best, climbing around when I got most of the pipes off. She delt a few good blows but I mentioned that I knew she’s Annie and she kind of….ran off. She wasn’t really trying to…expose him or anything but I feel like she was trying to get the tech.” 

“You okay? I know she scares you and…” 

“Yeah. I just-we have to take Eren to Pieck. We can’t fix him on our own-” 

“No. No he wouldn’t want us to.” 

“He can’t want anything if he’s dead.” 

“He’s not dead.” 

“You-you don’t know that. He’s not invincible just because he’s Spiderman, he-he’s just Eren. And he can get hurt and I don’t want him to die and-” 

Armin wordlesly agrees to take Eren to Pieck, the five of you piling into Jean’s car. Eren’s next to you, still not awake with his head slackly leaned against your shoulders. 

When you reach the apartment, Connie, Jean, and Armin task themselves with bringing Eren in as you explain to Hange and Pieck. You knock on the door, teary eyed to Hange and Pieck responding, worry in their eyes at the blood leaking down the side of your face. 

Pieck reaches forward, lifting your face in her hands which you swat off. 

“P-Pieck. H-Hange. It’s Eren and he…he’s not okay. Please just help him without asking anything, I don’t want him to die on us.”

Connie and Jean drag Eren in, lifting him onto the couch as Hange racks back sobs. You go to Hange’s side, squishing them in an embrace as Pieck gets to work, cursing under her breath as she goes on. 

“Wake up, SpiderFuck. Of course, this dumbass bothering me for the past three months is our kid. I’m going to kill you, you son of a bitch when you wake up, you know that? Stupid SpiderMotherfucker, I hate you-” 

Pieck works around him, taking Hange from your arms as she leaves the two of you in the living room when she’s done. Connie, Jean, and Armin leave you with him - already working on figuring out where Annie went upstairs. 

You take Eren’s hand in yours, squeezing tight as you whisper to him. 

“Wake up. Wake up, Eren.” 

No response. 

“Come on. You can’t be serious. You-you’re Spiderman and you don’t get hurt and-” 

No response. 

“I….I can’t be brave without you, please be okay.” 

No fucking response. You lay your forehead flat against the table as the sobs rack through you, Eren’s uneven breaths continuing on the table. 

“Please, Eren. Come back to me.” 

You feel a hand at the top of your hair, pressing down to the length of your neck. You look up to find Eren, weakly smiling at you as he winces. You sit up immediately, tears still streaming down to your neck, as you cup his face in your hands. 

“Eren.” 

“Quit crying, sweetheart. I’m Spiderman.” 

You laugh through your sobs as you press yourself against his chest, hugging him as softly as you can. You can feel his hands on your back, jaggedly circlcing into the small of your back. 

“Where are we?” 

“Your house. Pieck fixed you up and-” 

He sits up, groaning as he glares at you.

“Don’t tell me you told them that I was-” 

“I had to, Eren. I thought you were dead and-” 

“I wasn’t dead. I’m Spiderman!”

“Spiderman can die, Eren. And you didn’t fucking wake up.” 

“I heal supernaturally fast. You should have given me a minute to come to.”  

“The fact that you needed Pieck’s medical attention to come to right now, four hours after the fact, tells me that you weren’t fucking okay, Eren! And they don’t care and-” 

“You think my aunt, Hange, who watched my parents fucking die in front of me doesn’t care that I risk my fucking life on the line everyday? They fucking care!” 

“It’s not a big deal, they just want you to be okay and-” 

“And what the fuck were you doing down in the tunnel? Don’t pretend like I don’t see that fucking gash on your pretty face and I’m just ignoring it right now.” 

You can feel the anger seething in your chest and you really, really want to smack Eren right about now. 

“We figured it out. Annie Leonhart, the girl from the soccer team, she’s the pervert titan. And she’s-she’s trying to expose you as Spiderman. Or maybe not, I don’t know. And the water tunnels were on and I know your webs dissolve in water and I just-” 

“You just what? Thought you’d run down them and turn them off?” 

“Yeah, asshole. For you.” 

“You know the best part of Spider Gang. You’re the team in the chair. Do you understand what that means? You keep your ass in the chair and away from shit like this!” 

“I can’t just sit by and do that.” 

“Why the fuck not?” 

“Because I’m not Connie or Armin or Jean. I’m not just your friend who can sit by and let you get hurt. You’re-you’re not just” 

“What am I then, huh?” 

“You’re the guy I love. I can’t just fucking watch you bleed out from a tunnel and pretend it’s okay, Eren.” 

You’re both panting, chests heaving from screaming so loudly. Eren closes the space between you, pressing his lips to yours as you melt under his touch. You can taste metal - surely from the cut on his lip - but you can also taste mint, definitely from the stupid pocket he made for Altoids in his suit. He’s smiling against your lips, leaning his weight on you as you rest your forehead against his.

“Guy you love, huh?” 

“Shut up. When did you become so cocky, Eren?” 

You wrap your arms around his neck, pushing your burning cheeks into his shoulder as he laughs against your ears. The next questions genuine, his voice wavering when he asks. 

“Do you only love me because I’m Spiderman, Y/N?” 

“No. I love Spiderman because he gives Eren the confidence to talk to me. You…you’ve always been so shy and stand-offish with me since we were kids, I…kind of thought you hated me. But Jean told me, you’re just really awkward.” 

“Remind me to kick Jean’s ass.” 

“And…I always liked you. You know, we really didn’t need pictures of each of the clubs. I already took those during club registration at the beginning of the year. I just wanted an excuse to be around you and I think that’s technically an abuse of power but-” 

He leans forward, pressing his lips to yours once again, leaning so hard on you that you both get knocked on the couch. You’re both laughing, smiling so hard that Hange and Pieck and the rest of Spider Gang comes down to find you two giggling on the couch. 

Now that Eren’s sentient, Hange yells at him for three things. One. Being Spiderman. Two. Being a dumbass and getting hurt. Three. Attempting to have sex with this girl on the couch. 

And then they ask if Eren should be taken to a vet, since he’s technically half spider. 

The five of you corner Annie later that week. And she confesses it all - that she didn’t know when this power happened, or what came over her, or even what’s going on. And that she doesn’t want to expose Spiderman, she wanted the technology. 

She wants to know what’s wrong with her. And she figured that if she knew who Spiderman was, if she could lure him out by stealing his tech, she can find the person who makes his tech and have them help her. 

Eren extends his hand first. Promising that Spider Gang (a name that she snorts at) promises to help her figure it out and control it if she promises to not wreck havoc or drop mailboxes on your leg again. And she explains that she has no control when it comes over her, that she really doesn’t want to hurt people. 

When Armin figures it out and when Annie can control it, she’s instated as the sixth member of SpiderGang. Eighth if you count Pieck and Hange. 

And she doesn’t scare you. It’s nice to have another girl on the team. Especially one who hates “Spider Gang” as much as you. And it’s sweet to watch Armin and Annie bustle around each other, working on perfecting the tech. 

And to watch Jean and Connie tease them. And to have Eren swing you around in New York and sneak into your bed every night and save lives all around the city. 

- 

Okay. Let’s do this one last time. 

My name is Eren Jeager. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And for the last six months, I’m the one and only Spiderman, equipped with a fully functional Spider Team. Officially dubbed, begrudingly, the Spider Gang. 

Connie and Jean, codenames C-Man and Horseface (since using real names got me exposed the last time) are my surveillance team. Surveying out my enemies, making sure the cops don’t get to me - they’re important reconnaissance for each mission. 

Armin and Annie, codenames Ocean Eyes and Pervert Lady (don’t ask). They’re my technical geniuses. Always redefining my tech, fixing up my webs to make them stronger, faster. There’s no Spiderman without Spidertech. 

And Y/N, codename Sweetheart. My girl in the chair. And the one in my heart too. Not only does she figure out motives/identities/locations for every villain and plan out every attack before I do it, but she’s the main reason Spiderman even exists. 

Why I fight so hard. 

I have to keep Brooklyn safe for my girl.

#KEEHEE #eren #eren jeager #eren x you #eren x reader #eren x y/n #spider eren #spider eren x you #spiderman au #eren jeager x you #eren jeager x reader #eren jeager x y/n #eren jeager fluff #eren fluff #aot x you #aot x reader #aot x y/n #aot fluff #attackn on titan #snk x you #snk x reader #snk x y/n #snk #shingeki no kyojin #armin arlert #jean kirstein #connie springer #annie leonhart #read more break #seeingivywrites!

[marzipanandminutiae]

(note: I do not actually want anyone to die in such a horrible way. please do not interpret this as such)

I just don't get how the whole Titanic sub voyage thing would be worth it, knowing the risk ahead of time. and I'm a social history person, mind; it's literally my career. so I do understand the passion at play

you can see photos of the wreck. you can see artifacts from the wreck. you can see images of people who lived and people who died, hear their words or visit their graves in Halifax

you can go to places that meant so much more to them than an ocean liner where they spent, max, four days of their lives. the Morgan Library in New York City was definitely a haunt of the elite in the early 20th century, if it's the rich and famous you're chasing. and the Met Museum, too. if you care more about ordinary people...there are so many vernacular houses c. 1912 and earlier still around, in the U.S. and in Britain. go look at one. enjoy it- probably some people who realized they were going to die, that night, would have given a lot to see a house like that again

hell, go to one of the MANY Grand Staircase reproductions around the world. seriously there are tons of them

there's just no reason to go down there except for research (and this was not remotely a research expedition). ESPECIALLY in a patently unsafe vessel

#titanic #missing submarine #current events

[georgeweasleyslostearhq]

Helloo hope all is well! I was hoping to put in a request for a Xavier x Addams/reader and have it be like that once scene from Titanic where he draws her in the necklace doesn’t have a to be smut of course but still that longing of intimacy

Thank you for taking the time to read this 🙏

yes, i can definitely do that for you!

NOTHING

pairing: Xavier Thorpe X fem!Addams reader summary: Xavier paints you warnings: mentions of n00dity, mentions of sex note: the reader isn't actually specified as an addams. also he calls the reader sweetheart because i feel as though he's the type of guy to say that.

THANK YOU ALL FOR 600 FOLLOWERS, MEANS SO MUCH AND I LOVE YOU ALL. 💋

you sat in Xavier's shed on a small couch you made him put in there for you, watching him as he stroked a canvas with his brush. the way his hand was flexing while moving the brus along the canvas sent you to somewhere you couldn't explain.

something about seeing him so focused on painting made you want something from him. something you didn't want to say out loud.

you were staring at what would be a painting and thought of what it would be like for him to paint you like that.

you started to imagine him focused on painting you instead of all the other things he's painted and immediately felt weak. but you shouldn't. You and Xavier weren't exactly dating, but you guys weren't just friends either. you two were in a confusion position in your relationship and you didn't want to wreck what you two have.

although you would never say it, you wished he would paint you.

after a while he finished his art and stood staring at it, still contemplating whether he liked it or not, you stood up from the small couch and stood next to him

"I love it" you told him

he looked down at you and smiled softly, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and side hugged you

"something about it doesn't seem...right" he confessed with a sigh

"I think it looks perfect" you said

he chuckled before placing a kiss on your head, gently stroking your hair.

"well then, if you like it I like it." he shrugged

it was quiet for a moment, standing next to each other comfortably

"it's getting late, we should probably head back"

---

you thought back to last night and got excited to watch him paint again

"you must get so bored just sitting there watching me paint almost ever day" Xavier stated, opening the door to his shed.

"I like it" you said with a small polite small

"do you want me to teach you to draw or something, get you more involved or something so your not just sitting there?" he asked

"well there is" you paused for a second "something"

"and what would that be" the corner of his lips raised to form a small smirk

"you could, well, you could-" you cut yourself off, too nervous to say it

"I could?"

"you could paint me?" it sounded more like a question than a statement

his face brightened up and the smile on his face grew wider

"you want me to draw you?" his eyebrows were raised, he seemed a bit taken back but his face said he loved the idea

"that's what I said, yes" you nodded, walking in the shed as he held the door for you

he closed the door after him and stood there looking at you with a smug smile on his face

"don't get me wrong, you look beautiful, but I don't want to paint you in your school uniform" he chuckled lightly

"I wasn't exactly planning on wearing this" you said, looking down at your uniform

"well what are you going to wear then?"

"nothing" you said quietly, shrugging.

Xavier gulped down a lump in his throat, he felt himself become hot and his hands went a bit clammy, he wondered if he had heard you right

"what do you mean nothing?"

you took your blazer off and placed it on the chair in the corner

"unless you would like me to wear something else" you sighed

"no, no you can wear nothing, I'm happ-fine with that, just take your clothes off. and I'll get ready" he turned around and begun digging through his supplies

you felt a bit nervous again, you wondered if he felt uncomfortable about this. but you were already half way through this.

Xavier had a small smirk on his face as he set his stuff up, knowing that right behind him, you were getting undressed.

"I'm ready" you said standing behind him, ready for him to start

he turned around and smiled when he saw you, you noticed that his jaw was flexing while he tried not to explore your bare body with his eyes

"do you want to sit on the couch, that would be more comfortable" he suggested, pointed to the couch behind you

you nodded before going back to sitting down

"try a more natural potion" he said looking at how you positioned yourself oddly

you moved yourself on the couch to a better spot but apparently that wasn't good enough because you walked up to you and moved you himself

"there, that's better" he stood straight and walked back to his canvas.

"so just stay there, try not to move a lot" he told you before picking up his paintbrush.

---

Xavier kept looking back at you every second. he told himself it was to help him with the painting but he already has the scene imprinted in his brain that he didn't need to look back at you anymore.

he was just taking his chance to admire you in such state, and he did so while biting his lip or licking his lips, thinking about touching you.

you two made small talk until he was almost done. he looked at the clock on the wall and noticed the time.

"it's basically done, I'll just finish the details tomorrow" he sighed and put down his paint brush, wiping his slightly sweaty hands on his pants.

"can I see it?" you said sitting up on the couch

"wait no, stay there" he said taking off his jumper and hung it on the back of the chair

"I still have something to do" he said.

you then grew confused about what he meant by that, he had said he was done for tonight and that he would finish later, what else would he need to do?

he walked closer to you on the couch and looked down and you with a smirk on his face. he placed a hand on the back of the couch and climbed on top of you, a knee placed between your thighs and the other on the other side.

"what do you need to do?" you said. you weren't clueless, but your mind was foggy and too up in the clouds for you to notice what was happening.

he licked his lips while staring down at you, moving his knee closer to your heat

"you"

the tone in his voice make you nervous and become flustered, you wanted to say something but you couldn't muster the words.

"did you seriously think you can lay there in front of me naked for almost two hours and I wouldn't do anything about it?" he chuckled lowly. his hot breath fanning against your blushing face

you stayed silent, staring up at him longingly, feeling a wet patch begin to form between your legs.

"god your in for a long night, sweetheart" he smirked at you.

------------------------------------------------

hope that was good enough

#xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe x reader #smutty #imagines #wednesday addams #netflix wednesday #wednesday 2022 #wednesday series #xavier thorpe oneshot #xavier thorpe headcannons #request #feel free to request

[ourmondobongo]

JJK 251 delivered one of the most intense fights till now, and honestly, I can't wait to see it animated! (if I'm still alive 10 years from now, that is lol).

That said, I need to write a little about this chapter because it has been eating me out since Thursday, and the HQ scan release is MAGNIFICENT. So let’s go!

Yuta used Cleave on Sukuna!

But, alas, he wasn’t the one to eat Sukuna’s finger. It was prolly Rika.

I don’t think anyone would think it makes sense that Yuta - second only to Gojo, the strongest modern sorcerer  - could be the one to eat the King of Curse’s finger. While he IS powerful, it is still so risky to think he could ingest a piece of Sukuna’s soul and keep it inside himself for God knows how long.

Also, if a human had eaten one of his fingers, it seems a bit unlikely Sukuna wouldn’t have noticed somehow, as the cursed object holds a part of his very soul.

On the other hand, Rika hasn’t fully manifested. It seems an odd thing since this battle is even more dangerous and important than all previous battles Yuta had since his 2vs1 with Geto. Which may be just a wild speculation, but that has me thinking that maybe - just maybe - he hasn’t allowed her to fully manifest because she ate the finger. Like with the finger bearers at the beginning of the manga, Sukuna would know it is there, and he could target Rika more fiercely. Perhaps get to even retrieve it.

But this is speculation only - and I hope we will be sure of it in the next chapters.

It’s good to remember tho that it was Rika who ate Uro’s arm, not Yuta. And I doubt Yuta himself could have also eaten Hana’s and Inumaki’s arms…

Yuta was right in thinking that Sukuna would be surprised at being hit by his own technique.

However, something pretty nice happening here is that Sukuna looks pleased at tasting his own technique.

You know, we are well aware by now that Sukuna is a hedonist to the fullest. So I’m actually pleased that, rather than being really pissed off for getting a taste of his own medicine, he really experienced this little moment in a way that couldn’t show better how a being can be more self centered lol

I mean, his smile as he says ‘I see. Quite the meal.’ or "Oh, I get it. You ate it." feels like he is amused at tasting some of the power his own technique holds. I can hear Suwabe-san making it sound like he is having a foodgasm. And Yuta’s face turning worried is a sign that he oughta move to his next attack against the King of Hedonism ASAP.

Yuji and Yuta’s hand-to-hand-fight with Sukuna is beautiful, my god.

Sukuna is a good +4m tall muscle-built four-armed TITAN GIANT. Yuta and mostly Yuji are making him bend, making him bleed, making him blind by spitting blood on his cursed eyes, and FUCK - THIS FIGHT IS GOLD!!

Details I gotta highlight:

This is the second time Yuji survives Cleave at point blank, showing how much his endurance is up in such a crucial moment.

It was so smart of him to spit blood on Sukuna’s face. Reminds a little how his lil brother Kechizu spat his cursed blood on him back in s01 times.

Yuji’s determination to save defeat Sukuna and save Megumi with ‘heal up, heal up, HEAL UP’ makes me wanna chomp on wood T_T (C’mon baby, you can do it!)

Count on Sukuna to keep looking amused as he is being wrecked to the bones lmao. But also, this means he is thinking, analyzing, plotting, and soon preparing to counterattack.

The way Rika grabs him by the leg and throws him at Yuji’s soul shaking kick IS PERFECT.

The beating is so well delivered that, in fact, Sukuna is pushed to a deadly gamble.

I love when Sukuna gambles. He does it so many times throughout the story that I don’t think anyone can actually be surprised to see him doing this again in this chapter.

And I really mean it, cause not even our MCs are surprised. They had a solid plan of what to do once they had pushed Sukuna to the point they wanted: aka, releasing the HWC to try using Space Dismantle while tanking Jacob’s Ladder.

In less than a blink, Sukuna is 3/4 immobilized.

Rika, half manifested, gets his upper arms while Yuji goes for the lower right.

Yuta, though, goes straight to his guts, and bravely shoves his hand inside his belly mouth while Sukuna's only free arm goes straight to his head.

The cost for such a risky attack? A Cleave delivered directly on his bloody head.

But Yuta’s RCT doesn’t fail him. And he also still gets to rip out the Cursed Tongue - leaving Sukuna to have only one way to chant curses now. Confirming their suspicions that the King needs to use hand signs and chants or both to use “Space Dismantle”, which is an opening they can take an important advantage of to both use the domain's sure hit and reach Megumi.

This page made me scream!

The sight of Sukuna’s cheek exploding is bloody horrible.

Yuta tanking another slash attack shook me.

But Yuta coming up at the fucking King of Curses absolutely confident he can face him off FEARLESSLY is even more gobsmacking. I love my son!

ALSO: DID YUTA REALLY USE DISMANTLE ON SUKUNA’S ARM RIGHT HERE????

Also, the fact that Sukuna’s output is low to that point is both a sign that 1) his deadly efficiency is truly getting compromised by the biggest jjk team jump this manga had to this day,  2) Yuta and Yuji really leveled up to an impressive stage!

I don’t think we have ever seen Sukuna getting so overwhelmed and shocked.

Yuta’s next sword attack happens simultaneously with Yuji’s blood manipulation attack, and Sukuna loses his free hand while he realizes Yuji in fact just used his spitted blood to blow half his face off, rendering unable to speak.

A little thought I want to share though is that, while it has been long hinted that Yuji is able to use Blood Manipulation in any form after eating his brothers and training with both Choso and Noritoshi, I still have a little doubt whether the piercing blood attack in chapter 247 really comes from Yuji or not.

From the pov in 247, PB comes from somewhere really high and far from where Sukuna is. And in chapter 244, we see Mei Mei and Momo observing the battle from a tall building not too far away. I could see Choso being taken somewhere safe up to and despite being heavily wounded, still trying to help his lil brother. But also, I can picture Yuji rushing up some of the destroyed buildings to locate Sukuna and Higuruma, and desperately PB Sukuna to buy some time until he gets there. 

I mean, if it had been really Yuji, I half expected Sukuna to have a lil flashback not only of the moment Yuji spat on him, but also from when he was attacked back in 247. That would solidify the fact he shockingly realized Yuji is using BM. So I will wait for a clear confirmation...

This talk is pretty interesting and important.

We discovered through Yuki’s search that: 

Even when souls mix to some degree, they don’t become one single soul.

Choso can’t feel the OG soul of the human whose (his) body belongs to, and that’s why he asks if Yuji and Sukuna aren’t a special case. A fair question that made me think Choso could actually give back his body to the guy if he knew the poor man was trapped inside.

Yuji explains that CE plays an important role in the case of cursed objects and non-sorcerers then. Yet, no matter how deep a living soul may sink, it won’t merge or disappear in such cases.

Choso proposes another special case: since Yuji said, “in general level things are unmergeable”,  what if Megumi and Sukuna are different tho? What if that could happen to them?

Yuji proceeds to say he added the “general” thing cause he had dealt with Mahito. Also, uniting souls transform them into other separate being. So as long as a soul CT like Mahito’s is NOT at play, then the merging of souls can’t happen.

And trusting fully in Yuki’s search, Yuji promises he will shake Megumi’s soul awake.

And after learning all of this, I wished for real that Yuki had not died so prematurely. The fact she was a former Star Plasma Vessel, that she could hear the voices of the souls Tengen had absorbed throughout the millennium, and that she had now Maki, Yuji/Sukuna, Choso and Mahito to deepen her research on souls and find a “scientific way” for how to break free from CE, BUT she never could do it… is a PAIN. We can’t undo what GG did, tho, so let's move on to the next topic.

Angel’s technique is special.

But it has a well defined role in the story: one that is NOT what some ppl think.

In an incarnated body, there is the mix of one’s technique + the personality + cursed object. So, since Angel’s CT can eradicate CTs, they can erase Sukuna. As they all want to save Megumi, tho, they will need to do the same thing Hana tried back in chapter 213: using the attack to FIRST weaken the connection between Sukuna and Megumi so Megumi’s chances of surviving the brain damage are better, and THEN move on to finish off the King of Curses.

And here I want to point out how absurd it is for anyone to expect a MINOR side character to end the history of the final MAIN antagonist of this series. Because, truly, unless you are being really disingenuous or purposefully kidding yourself just to hate and badmouth JJK, one cannot be serious over Hana EVER standing a chance against Sukuna. Even more with one of her arms torn off by the King himself.

And that’s why Yuta - the one second only to Gojo - is the one side-handling this freaking final battle. 

Sukuna is damn right roughen and wrecked.

Yuji has one of his arms, Rika has two arms + a bite on his shoulder, his free arm is handless, his main mouth is half blown, and his belly mouth is tongueless and dripping blood.

There is a seriousness to his features that is different though. I mean he is the king of smiles, but he is deadly serious right here...

He KNOWS what is coming. He has chosen to gamble his endurance power against Yutangel’s Max Jacob’s ladder. So he is definitely mentally preparing to receive one of the hardest blows on his unstable (connected to Megumi) form.

And then Sukuna takes it.

His reaction is highly different from last time though, and it’s kinda obvious why. In chapter 213,  he had just barely taken over Megumi’s body as well as he was at 15 fingers. Here he is in his incarnated true form, 19 fingers + his very mummified head in.

That said, the way he only growls/grunts/gasps tanking a DE’s sure hit from someone with a CE around the same as his own is impressive. Not only that, but also another crystal clear hint that he is the fucking King of JJK for a reason. You can’t break him easily. You can’t beat him conventionally. You can’t kill him until his last drop of CE is gone, until his brain is incapacitated, until his self-serving wish to keep existing - even if meaninglessly - is obliterated together with his cursed soul. As long as he holds the overwhelming power to exist, he will keep existing.

Knowing the enemy is NOT down yet, Rika chomps her mouth on Sukuna’s shoulder again as she holds his arms again while Yuta butchers his lower right arm in half, buying the time Yuji needs to fuel the special punch that he hopes will shake Megumi’s soul awake from the depths of this nearly unkillable monster. And if my eyes are not deceiving me, I think that -  by the shape of Sukuna’s tattoo - Yuji hits him in the middle of his chest. Right over his heart.

Megumi’s breakdown deserves an analysis of its own.

But, yeah, IT HURTS.

As Yuji is shaken by Megumi’s state, though, the inevitable happens.

Sukuna, following his gamble of tanking and surviving JL to throw the WCD, does exactly that. The chants come on the page on a background a little similar to how his DE first appeared in animation. It’s eerie, cursed, and we know shit will happen on the next page…

Using what seems to be the arm Yuta had slashed in half (or is it the hand Rika was holding before), Sukuna strikes ALL his enemies with a seemingly WCD. 

Way too close to him, Yuta takes the bruntest of it - the slash rips/slants his abdomen (letting we peek what is probably his liver), his back and his ring fingered hand (strongest way of connection with Rika) is severed from his wrist. Rika is slashed all over her face, the lower jaw which had bitten onto Sukuna’s shoulder is cut off and falling, her monstrous hands all cut and bloodied when they release Sukuna. Yuji is slashed on his forehead, across his face, and by the blood trajectory, from his collarbone down to abdomen. 

There is NO WAY THO that Yuji is dying like that, though.

So before we find out how Yuji - and prolly Yuta too - will survive this attack, it is important to notice here that Sukuna does not say “Dismantle” when he unleashes this attack on them. And, YES, chants ARE important in JJK. (I know a lot of ppl will complain about this, especially since “Gojo died with this attack!”, but I’m just saying what is drawn in the manga.)

Sukuna is back to his menacingly smiling aura as Yuta’s domain starts crumbling on top of him.

But while he is RCTing his injuries and tasting what seems to finally be the end of this cursed battle day, he is struck by the sneakiest signature attack of the modern era.

Maki Zenin, the demon with zero cursed energy, pierces his heart - and soul - with her Split Soul katana.

If I said I haven't screamed at this whole sequence, I would be a liar. This was absolutely INCREDIBLE!

Now I hope GG won't switch the pov back to Hakari x Uraume, but I feel like he might as well do again T_T

Anyway, I just had to write all this to say how PERFECT Gege is weaving Gojo's pupils battle against the greatest King of Curses!!

#jjk 251 #jjk meta #or kind of lol #i just needed to get this out somewhere or it would bug my mind until next chapter #which will happen in TWO WEEKS T_T #ryomen sukuna #yuta okkotsu #itadori yuuji #maki zenin

[redacted-metallum]

Like heres the thing I do think it would be dope as hell to see the Titanic's wreck. I want to see how much it's deteriorated and pay my respects to the lives lost and see if marine life has made its home there.

You could not PAY ME to set foot on a submarine going down there. Seeing it on an observation boat via ROV would be enough.

Not to mention the ticket price for ONE passenger would cover the flat cost of me and all of my friends gender affirming surgeries.

I do hope they are rescued, but I also have to look at the difference between the media's reaction to their disappearance over the lives lost by refugees off the coast of Greece.

#revs thoughts #oceangate #submarine techbros

[chimaerakitten]

so @darlingofdots's awesome Temeraire!universe historian post mentioned the wreck of the HMS Allegiance and I have been thinking about where it is literally all day.

Not just where as in "somewhere in the South Pacific" (because duh) but also, specifically, how deep, and therefore how the wreck would be studied.

Because a lot of archaeologically significant shipwrecks are pretty shallow, since they're the wrecks we can dive to, either on normal air scuba tanks or mixed gas. The Uluburun shipwreck off Turkey, for example, sits between 44 and 61 meters deep, which is right on the edge for air diving. The archaeologists could only be at the bottom for 20 ish minutes at a time, two times per day, with careful decompression timing as they went up to avoid the bends and not-insignificant amounts of nitrogen narcosis at the bottom. Mixed gas goes deeper, 100 meters or so for some of the more available ones. (there's a Phoenician shipwreck off the coast of Malta that's about 110 meters deep, and was excavated by technical divers) Beyond that it's just commercial divers laying oil pipelines with the super $$$ gas at depths of up to 500 meters or so. Anything deeper than that is the domain of submarines and robots.

and really, all of that ^ paragraph is just tangential set dressing that I added because I like shipwreck archaeology, because knowing the Allegiance went down in the middle of the South Pacific meant it was always going to a be a submarines-and-robots wreck. The middle of the Pacific Ocean is uh. deep. but I wanted to find out exactly how deep.

so the map from Crucible of Gold puts the sinking at a little under 50°S and a little over 121°W, which the NOAA bathymetric data viewer says is just about 3000 meters deep

Since that's an extremely boring screenshot, here's the CoG map overlayed on a bathymetric map:

It's actually on a bit of a ridge there! which is why it's at 3000 meters and not deeper.

We do find and investigate wrecks at that depth and deeper these days. The Titanic is at 3800 meters, and it has been investigated extensively (though we also have a recent pretty major news story about why thats still difficult and uh, very dangerous) The USS Samuel B Roberts was found at 6895 meters, and perhaps most relevantly, the search for Malaysa airlines flight MH370 turned up two 19th century shipwrecks at 3500+ meters deep, over 2000 kilometers off the coast of Australia.

One of those wrecks was a wooden ship from either the 1870s or 1880s, and though, being wood, it was pretty badly decayed, its cargo (coal) and metal features (anchor and water tanks) were still extant. On the Allegiance, that would also include her guns and her metal keel (which would probably be the identifying feature TBH, the keel marking her as definitely a dragon transport)

That wreck is probably the best parallel to the Allegiance in other ways, being a wooden sailing ship with a wreck not only very deep but also very remote. It also probably went down due to an explosion, just like the Allegiance. They were common on coal-carrying vessels, and the sonar images showed the cargo was scattered across the seafloor like something catastrophic happened.

The Allegiance would be more remote than its real-world parallel, but anyone looking for it would be hunting for it specifically and would be armed with probably a decent idea of where she was when she went down, seeing as there were survivors who would have been very keen to remember where they were so they could know how close they were to land. Plus, much like the Titanic (though not to the same extent) there'd probably be funding to investigate the Allegiance once found, as she had a part to play in major political turning points on at least three continents. People tend to be interested enough to throw money at that sort of thing.

So, there you have it. It would take a pretty serious effort to find her, though not an impossible one, and once found she'd be investigated by shipwreck robots, which would bring back pictures and samples of her metal remains, with organic matter being mostly absent by the time she was found.

#temeraire #shipwreck archaeology #thank you darlingofdots for the excuse to go down this rabbit hole #you are so correct that in-universe historians would be SO excited for this wreck to be found

[vivalamusaine]

So looks like one of the Oceangate subcontractors is already trying to change the narrative of the massive amounts of oversight and safety issues on the sub.

“It seems kind of cheesy, but if you knew the amount of technology that was packed in that controller and its capabilities, and the amount of money that it costs to develop something like that, it's just off the charts,” he said.

Completely ignoring the fact that the CEO had a investors buy into the project and his own net worth in the multi millions. One of these investors is B Dash Ventures which will typically invest 1.5 million into a project.

The most egregious quote from Doug "DJ" Virnig to me is the following:

Virnig said Titan’s pressure hull had passed tests at the non-profit Woods Hole Institute, which subjected it to the pressure found at the depth of the Titanic wreck — but the question was how it would perform over time.

“Well, if you do that repeatedly, then what happens?” he said.

“So these are the sorts of questions that if you have a long research and development program, you start answering. But if you really are pushing the envelope, there's no time to — you're answering those questions in real time.”

This isn't some new unexplored scientific venture where WE JUST DIDNT KNOW THE DANGER UWU. Oceangate was warned multiple times about the danger of their craft, they willfully ignored it and fired employees who brought it up. Titan was offered to undergo a voluntary safety inspection and REFUSED. Even though the team who offered told them a safety incident would not only affect Oceangate but the industry and research as a whole.

Trying to reframe these fuckers as brave innovators who just wanted to learn and not the blatant ego fueled hubris project it was is so scummy. They didn't want to learn they refused knowledge at every turn.

Don't be shocked to see this narrative repeated either, the media isn't stupid they have powerful investors, they've seen the public reaction to this and they are trying to protect their own assets and values.

DJ Virnig is probably just trying to protect his own ass as his work on oceangate is posted all over his linkedin but shame on the journalists who do not push back in the slightest on this.

#anyway GOOD MORNING #oceangate #dj virnig #stockton rush #titan #titanic #media literacy be damned my boy can dickride

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Heya, this is a somewhat specific Glitchy Red x GN! reader request (romantic or platonic; I don't really have a preference). Feel free to ignore this if it happens to be overwhelming.

So, Glitchy Red. We all know him: a vengeful sentient glitch designated wrong by his creator and left to be forgotten and replaced by the next generation. He's nothing but a lone sentient trapped in the endless sea of mindless NPCs whose purpose is to be controlled by a player.

And then we have a streamer!reader who acts like Failboat: a chaotic, happy-go-lucky, and slightly unhinged individual whose humor can be described as morally questionable. It doesn't help that their chat relentlessly takes (light-hearted) jabs at them and gives them Ls every time they mess something up in the game, as well as having a random obsession with Gex the Lizard.

What if Glitchy Red somehow faceplanted into the Pokémon Violet game and meets streamer!reader, who was doing a Nuzlocke? Maybe Red has a one-sided dislike of them until he grows to tolerate them without realizing it.

I got inspired by this video and one of the works you did, fdgdrsgdgdrg ( https://youtu.be/DQsfj3gvd9I and https://clanwarrior-tumbly.tumblr.com/post/702954957291372544/been-binge-reading-your-poke-pasta-stuff-i-dont )

Omg I wish I discovered Failboat sooner bc that nuzlocke video you showed me was hilarious

THANK you for it <333333

.........

"Yes! We caught the Salandit! Sorry I took you away from your family, bud..but you're mine now. This one's a male but it's fine. He doesn't need to be a Salazzle to be strong and beautiful. All he needs is a name..any ideas, guys?"

Looking to the chat for a brief moment, you saw new comments already flooding in, your viewers throwing out several names you could give your newly-acquired companion (who was likely going to be "sacrificed" at some point).

You've been doing livestreams of the Nuzlocke challenge throughout your gameplay of Pokémon Violet. And while you finished the main game without having to start over, you decided to try your hand at the Teal Mask DLC.

You were still early in the story, but you wanted to take your time with it, focusing on catching one 'mon in each area.

With Salandit as the first you came across, you allowed your viewers to name him, and fortunately an overwhelming majority of them already had one figured out:

"Gex!"

"Gex the lizard!!"

"Who tf is Gex???"

"OMG haven't heard that name in years!!"

"IT'S TAIL TIME!!!"

"I like Gex"

"Okay, Gex it is!" Grinning from ear-to-ear, you named Salandit before sending him out to "kill" all the other wild unsuspecting Pokémon. You just laughed, happy to see your son going out and wrecking havoc and destruction...

Until you accidentally made him target a stronger Pokémon that sent his health into the red zone.

"Gex wore itself out and came back to you!" The message popped up as the poor lizard scurried back to your side, and you restored his health.

Your viewers, meanwhile, were spamming the comments with a single letter.

"L"

"L"

"L"

"L"

"L"

"Oh stop it, you guys." You shook your head, amused. "I misclicked.... you gotta give me a break."

They kept coming regardless, so you put your strongest Pokémon as the first member of your party, deciding to battle a nearby trainer: one of the festival kids, as they were called.

Never before have you had an easier time doing a Nuzlocke run in this game--considering it's entirely free roam and you weren't forced into battles by making eye contact. The only issue was that the level-scaling was odd, and you've lost some treasured Pokémon along the way due to being so unprepared.

Of course, this challenge didn't come without you having to make some sacrifices.

Luckily you only ran into that issue with one gym leader who was more overleveled than you expected, but even then your viewers were relentless with their Ls, skull emojis, and the like.

Now that you've accomplished becoming champion, defeating the titans, besting Team Star, and saving all of Paldea from ecological doom.....you got to relax a little in this DLC.

Hopefully you wouldn't lose anyone by the end of it.

.........

"Oof I definitely could use this Pokémon...and the XP candies. What do you guys think? I'm in a new area so it counts."

"Do it!"

"YESSS"

"No they have to be in the wild!!!"

"What about no overleveled pkmn?"

"Oh, c'mon..it's three stars." You huffed at the last comment you read, shaking your head. "That ain't overleveled. Lemme see who can knock them out in one hit, hang on.."

Backing out of the tera raid menu for a moment, you looked at your roster, before checking your boxes for any "living" Pokémon who could take out the raid boss instantly.

But right as you found the perfect one, you noticed the sky glitching in the background, and after closing out of the menu....something rather bizarre happened:

A brief flicker of light in the sky, followed by an unknown entity falling to the earth. It looked like a person surrounded by glitchy particles--like the ones you'd see in old video games.

Of course, you knew Violet was notorious for its many broken animations and whatnot, but that was new.

You've never seen an NPC glitch like that before.

"Did ya'll see that? I'm gonna check that out really quick.."

Now completely ignoring the comments of confusion, you called out Miraidon to go investigate.....whatever you just saw. You had it speed towards the location, thinking that the mystery entity would despawn by the time you got there.

Luckily, it didn't, but you quickly realized it wasn't some Pokémon or even a trainer who belonged in this DLC.

In fact, he resembled the very first Pokémon protagonist:

Red, although this one had black spiky hair and didn't look anything like the lean kid trainer he was in previous generations.

Even so, this certainly gave you a whiplash of memories..as you recalled doing a Sun/Moon Nuzlocke challenge and were pleasantly surprised to see Red in the game.

And even before that, you did a Gold/Silver/Crystal Nuzlocke and almost lost horribly to him.

Yep..fun times, indeed.

"No way...it's Red again, guys! This is--oh shit, whoops."

A cutscene was triggered, although you swore that you didn't press any buttons. But you passed it off as your excitement over the thought of unlocking a hidden secret in this DLC getting out of hand.

Yet that happiness wore off and became replaced by a feeling of....nervousness.

Especially when you saw "Red's" expression.

He looked nothing short of menacing. Of course, he was usually a silent trainer and held a stoic demeanor...however this iteration of him almost appeared angry, for some reason. A dark shadow was hiding both of his eyes, even as he stared directly at you.

No, not at your player character who was standing off to the side.

But you, the player themselves

For a few moments nothing happened, and you thought the game was broken.

Then a dialogue box popped up, with "Glitchy Red" being the name above it, outright confirming your suspicions.

"Where am I?"

Normally, you would be able to respond with one of two prompts. But the box on the right side of the screen only had blank spaces in them, so you didn't know which one to choose.

You had no time to pick, as they quickly glitched out of existence, and Red shook his head.

"Forget it. I already know the answer...I'm in another goddamn prison." He stared at his hands with a bitter-looking gaze. "Why was I brought here? Why am I....in 3D?"

Besides from his swearing catching you off-guard, you were genuinely perplexed by everything else he was saying--especially the fact that he seemed self-aware, apparently speaking directly to you and able to influence your game.

"Is anyone else seeing this? Chat...?" You muttered, briefly glancing to the chatroom, knowing your viewers HAVE to be freaking out over this-

But there were no comments.

They've all suddenly gone offline due to an "internet connection" issue, and the viewer count was at zero. Even though you were still recording, nobody else was joining the stream.

It was just you and him.

"Sorry, I don't like to be watched."

Looking back at the dialogue box, your eyes widened as you read his response. 'How did he know I was doing a livestream? Is this something new from Gamefreak...? Did I get a bootleg copy of Violet?'

"I can't believe this jerk sabotaged my stream-"

"I can hear you, y'know."

"....w-wait..seriously??" You adjusted your headphones and the mic, seeing him nod. "How can you do that? And why are you in my game?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out."

"..I feel like I'm going crazy. Am I going crazy-?"

"Enough questions. I'LL be asking them from now on."

Without warning, Glitchy Red turned to your character and put his hand around their throat, as though attempted to strangle them. Much to your horror, they didn't react with any emotion whatsoever...although upon making physical contact with them, their body began glitching.

It was the same particles he had around himself.

For some reason, you began feeling an intense pressure on your own neck, and you put a hand to it, eyes wide.

'What kind of voodoo shit is this?!'

"So this is what they replaced me with, huh?" He cocked his head to the side, grimacing. "It's bad enough that brown-eyed kid did, but...what generation is this?"

You snapped out of your shocked state, fearing that he'll end up corrupting your whole save file if you made him any angrier. 'I better play it cool and just answer him...'

"You're in um...Generation 9. Pokémon Violet."

"....Gen 9? I've skipped over that much? Interesting...who the hell is this, then?"

"M-My player character. Pokémon's come a long way, so now we can uh...customize our protagonists and change their looks entirely."

"...I see." He let go of your character, who thankfully stopped glitching, before his gaze went to Miraidon. "What the hell...this thing is a Pokémon, too?"

"Believe it or not, yeah. It helps me get around the map waaay faster" You chuckled as he stared at the futuristic dragon type with curiosity. "If I can tell you one thing about it...it loves sandwiches. Just say "sandwich" and see how it reacts!"

He just scowled at you, not appreciating your sudden cheeriness. "Does it look like I'm in the mood for jokes?"

"What? No, it's not a-"

"Then tell me everything about this game, and don't give me any useless crap."

.......

Glitchy Red ended up tagging along in your character's adventures throughout Kitakami. But it was really just him listening to you explain the game in further detail, alongside showing him how battles work.

Obviously, he was very much new to this generation given he was from an ancient bootlegged version of Red, so you had a lot to share. He seemed flabbergasted by fairy types, tera raids, etc..although you did remind him that he wanted you to tell him everything.

His only response was a scowl and making the Pokémon you wanted to catch flee, but you expressed no hard feelings.

In fact, you became less terrified and more thrilled that you were actually speaking to a video game character--and what luck you had for it to be Red, of all people! (despite this version being a grumpy sentient glitch who acted like YOU put him in here)

At some point, the chatroom came back online and your viewers returned, expressing concerns about why you went offline out of nowhere.

However the tone immediately shifted to Glitchy Red the moment they noticed him on-screen, and the comments practically exploded..or at least for a short time:

"Red????"

"Is that Red?"

"Did u unlock a secret character??"

"OMG GLITCHY RED FROM FNF???"

"Wtf hes not from fnf bro"

The flood didn't last long as he forced the comments to switch off, and he made it clear that he didn't want them on again. And he demanded that you stopped recording, too.

He accused you of trying to "use" him for entertainment...which spiraled into him ranting over being in a similar situation back in his old game where he had no choices and was forced to see things he didn't wish to (and even projecting onto your own character a little, too).

It caused him pain and nobody cared, he said.

But now?

Now that he has more power, free will, and the knowledge that he's no longer any player's character to control, he felt liberated.

Of course, he was angry about not being totally free from the video game realm..but this was better than being stuck in that broken cartridge.

He'd rather die than go back to it.

With all that's happened, he thought you would've been more scared of him and what he could do, or even angry that he sabotaged your livestream and messed up your experience with the DLC.

Yet you seemed totally unbothered by his presence now.

You were actually....happy to talk to him, and he didn't know what to make of this. So he just acts completely disinterested, his scowl never leaving his face as he judges pretty much everything you do.

He does, however, start to see the slightly "darker" side to your cheery attitude as you explain the general rules of Nuzlocke challenges--and the ones you've set up for yourself in Violet.

All the while, you're letting Gex mercilessly crush an outbreak of Cutieflies, laughing and praising him for his "kills".

As Glitchy Red watches, he suddenly wonders if you really have gone crazy...and it amuses him a little.

After spending some time progressing through the story, you began to notice that he disappears during the normal cutscene and doesn't disrupt them in any way. He could have easily ruined your first experience with the DLC.

Yet..he stayed out of the way.

His excuse was that he kept "fighting with the code", but you didn't buy it.

He was growing soft...although obviously you weren't going to say that to him.

............

After attending the festival of masks and meeting Ogerpon, you decided to set up a picnic somewhere near Oni Mountain. It was the perfect spot where you could see the other areas of Kitakami.

With your character wearing a jinbei and their own mask, you called out all six of your Pokémon, allowing them to run, play, and sleep.

At that same time, Glitchy Red showed up on-screen. And you were surprised to see him wearing his own red jinbei, along with a Pikachu mask.

Of course, you should have expected that.

"Nice outfit, Red." You chuckled. "I'm stuck with the green one, unfortunately."

"I had to datamine for this..and yet you tout about "customization" like it's the game's best feature.." He scoffed.

"Never said it was, but anyways..." You pressed ZR to summon a ball for your Pokémon to play with, smiling as they did so. "I gotta take care of these guys."

"Is that what you're doing?" Sitting on the bench at the table, Glitchy Red looked all around, watching your character interact with each of them. He noticed the hearts over their heads, prompting an eyebrow raise.

You didn't answer him, instead cleaning the dirt off Miraidon and watching the electric/dragon type shake itself dry, looking happy before it went back to taking a snooze.

Then he notices your character scrubbing soap onto Miraidon, before washing it off with a showerhead. The electric/dragon type growled happily as it shook off the water, a little music note over its head.

"What's the point of doing all of that?"

"To restore their HP, gain XP, and boost friendship levels." You explained. "I try to raise that as much as possible, because if you're best friends with your Pokémon..there's a chance they can survive a fatal hit. The game likes to say they don't want me "feeling sad"."

"...but if they were burned or poisoned, it would be useless." He remarked.

"True, but it's saved me a lot during my Nuzlocke run of the main game's story."

"I suppose it did...why do they name it after a Nuzleaf, though?"

You shrugged. "No clue. I just saw the challenge trending again and decided to hop on it."

".....you've been taking my presence rather well." He pointed out, his eyes becoming more visible now that his shadow wasn't as prominent. "At this point, they usually abandon me, or try to destroy the game...or send it to someone else begging THEM to destroy it."

"Well rest assured, I don't plan on doing any of those three things." Leaning back in your chair, you sighed. "I'll admit, I read a story like yours once as a little kid and it scared the hell out of me...."

He scowled darkly, which was a rather humorous contrast to the smiling Pikachu on his mask.

"...but now that I've gotten to know you better, I..do wanna say I'm sorry you've been treated that way for so long. It must've been lonely for you."

Then his gaze softened, and he looked down at the ground, shoulders slumped. "It was...hearing the same NPCs repeat the same damn lines over and over again was like torture. I kept wondering...why me? Why did I have to be the only one to wake up?"

"I don't know, Red..." You frowned slightly, hating to see him this way, although you perked up after getting an idea. "But I do know what'll cheer you up."

Glitchy Red looked back up at you. "What could you possibly have in mind? Don't tell me it's a stupid sandwich-"

"Agiaaas?"

Hearing the soft growl of Miraidon, he turned to see it now sitting in front of him, staring as though patiently waiting to be fed. And for a moment he seemed genuinely startled, still forgetting that he could be perceived by the Pokémon in this world.

It was actually kinda nice.

Although he abstained from petting it, fearing that he could accidentally corrupt it with his glitches, the legendary didn't seem to mind it one bit.

Instead, it just curled up at his feet, little bubbling z's floating over its head as it fell fast asleep.

'I guess it really does like the word 'sandwich'..'

"Why don't I show you the art of sandwich-making in this game, Red?" Your character went over to the table. "I'll tell you how this makes Shiny hunts easier...but you gotta promise not to laugh at my stacking skills."

For a second or two, he didn't say anything.

Then he stood up and put his mask off to the side of his head a little bit more, allowing you to fully see his face.

He seemed more relaxed, barely holding back a smile.

"I can't make any promises, but show me. I'd like a Shiny Pikachu."

#clanask #anonymous #pokemon x reader #pokemon violet x reader #pokepasta x reader #glitchy red #glitchy red x reader #streamer reader #platonic

[cyberphuck]

ROYAL ASSASSIN ABRIDGED: PART ONE My friend Razz wants to understand my shitposting about Robin Hobb’s Farseer Trilogy, but they don’t want to actually have to read the books, so I’m summarizing it for them (and you)! When we last left Fitzy-Fitz, it was a really fucking long time ago, sorry, I stopped going to church and learned to chainsmoke (and this book is LONG, I mean it’s LOOOOOOONG, so I kept avoiding getting started on Abridging it, lmao). You can brush up on the frankly insane amount of different characters here at the Royal Assassin Cast of Characters post, or find the links to the rest of the Farseer Trilogy Abridged series here at this link here.

- Fitz awakens one fine October morning in a bed at Jhaampe hospital, where he's been recovering from being poisoned and poisoned and bludgeoned and kicked and drowned. At first he was having eighty seizures a day, but now that it's down to only twenty-five seizures a day, he and Burrich figure it's high time for the two of them to skedaddle before they get snowed in.

  Then, exactly like that scene in Attack on Titan where Eren reaches for a spoon and accidentally turns into a Titan, Fitz drops a spoon and accidentally turns into a seizure. It's a lot less cool. He wakes up hours later back in the same damn hospital bed with Jonqui the King's Sister and now healer sitting beside him.

  "This sucks," he whines.

  "Time heals all wounds, Pull-Out Fail," Jonqui says sagely.

  "Shut the fuck up. I'm fifteen and obviously know a lot more than you about healing, and I've decided I'm never going to get better."

  Burrich strides healthily into the room with a swanky new skunk stripe in his hair where his skull was recently cracked open. "What-ho, Lil Accident, are you ready to go back to Buckkeep?"

  "No. Everybody's gonna make fun of me. You go back without me."

  "So long as you wear that collar," Burrich says solemnly, "I must follow you."

  Fitz touches the black collar with the word DADDY on it in gold letters. "The way you followed my father?"

  "Yes."

  "Was it like, a sex thing?"

  Burrich, who has enough hidden piercings to set off a metal detector at twenty paces, asks, "Are we going back to Buckkeep or what? I'm getting kind of bored sitting here watching you do the Harlem Shake."

  "Also, I heard that Molly's candle shop was foreclosed on and she had to go live with relatives in a town that's about to be raided by Vikings," The Fool says from under the bed.

  "Gosh, I wish I could talk to King Shrewd or the Fool or find out what's happening to Molly," Fitz sighs, then sits up as the room fills with the wavy lines and harp glissando of a dream sequence.

  "Wake up, King Shrewd," the Fool says. He's sitting on a chair, not under the bed or in a hay bale for once, and Fitz finds it extremely disturbing.

  "Fool? What are you doing here?"

  "Oh, King Shrewd and not Fitz, I have to be here because you're sick and old," the Fool fools. "Here, let me fluff your pillows and feed you soup."

  "This is so weird," Shrewd-Fitz says. "I feel like... oh, the Skill line is ringing. What? Vikings are viking Siltbay so late in the fall?"

  "You know, it's creepy when you talk to yourself like that," the Fool mutters.

  But Shitz (Shrewd-Fitz) is already on a Skill video call, watching the Red-Ship Raiders pulling up onto the coast. Vikings run through the town, viking everything in sight. The raiders are wading through blood up to their knees, people are running around headless and on fire, it's awful. The raiders aren't even stealing anything-- they're just wrecking stuff, which anyone who's been to a Raiders game can attest to (go Cowboys).

  "Fool," Shitz says. "You can see the future, right?"

  "This is a weird time to reveal that particular nugget of information, but sure. Let's see... ah, yes. I see a bard who can't fucking read the room trying to find a rhyme for 'dismembered child.' That is not something Jaydee made up, it's a real line from the book."

  "Thank you, Fool, that's extremely fucked up," Shitz says. "Oh wait, who's this on the video call... It's Molly! Oh SHIT, it's Molly and Vikings are going to vike her!"

  But Molly wasn't called Molly Nosebleed as a kid because she's a trembling little violet. A Viking tries to vike her and she stabs him to death, whirls around and shouts "WHO WANTS SOME, MOTHERFUCKERS?!"

  Then a house falls on her.

  "Oh god, oh fuck," Shitz says, panicking. "Fool, use your future vision and tell me if Molly's okay!"

  "A bunch of women died in a bunch of horrible ways," the Fool says. "Do you want me to list them?"

  "No," Shitz says, and so the Fool doesn't spend two pages describing the graphic sexual assault, murder, and maiming of a bunch of townsfolk. Shitz sits back in his bed. "Run off and let Verity know Siltbay is being viked."

  Ever loyal, the Fool cartwheels down the stairs. Then Shitz sighs and says, "Man, being old sucks."

  "Yes it does, so quit your fucking whining about your little seizures and come home," Shrewd says, and ends the Skill call.

  The next morning, Fitz-Fitz packs up his stuff and heads out with Burrich and Hands to make the long boring trip back to Buckkeep.

The return to Buckkeep sucks especially hard because they have to take the 99 instead of the I-5 like last time, and Fitz is getting carsick. Along the way they keep having to stay in incredibly sketch Super 8s, which wouldn't be that bad (free soap and free weird smells!) but Burrich and Hands overhear someone standing out in the hallway talking loudly on their phone about how much King Shrewd fucking sucks.

  "Yeah he keeps raising taxes to 'defend our country' or whatever but Vikings are still viking the beach towns as much as they want," had said the Buckboi in the hallway. "You know who rules, though, Prince Regal!"

  "What towns did Buckboi say were viked?" Fitz asks.

  "A town no one cares about," Hands answers solemnly, "and the one where Molly had a house fall on her."

  After that incident, Burrich decides that they're gonna make the rest of the trip using surface streets and driving through people's yards. "If Regal finds out you're out here, he'll send someone to kill you," Burrich explains. "Verity's definitely not gonna protect you."

  "Is that because he consistently sees me as a tool first and a family member and human being second?"

  "Look," Hands interrupts. "I see Buckkeep-shaped lights in the distance." They ride up to the gates, which are guarded by a kid who was born a thousand years too early to be the squeaky-voiced teen working at the drive-thru. “Halt,” he squeaks. “Who the fuck are you?“

  Burrich scoffs. ”Who the fuck are YOU?“

  ”I asked you first!“

  ”I asked you sec—“

  ”All right, all right, who's holding up the line?“ The last book had a rich and exhausting cast of random extras murmuring in the background, but this one used all of their budget on talking CGI wolves, so they had to fire most of them and give almost all of their lines to Blade, The Guard Captain. His job is to appear at important moments and say things like 'hear, hear!' and 'how big WAS she?' “Holy shit, it's Burrich! Twitter said you and Chivalry's Post Nut Regret were dead!”

  “It's called X now,” Fitz says, emerging dramatically from the shadows.

  “Oh.” Blade says, while four of the other guards die of secondhand embarrassment. “H-hi, Chivalry's Pos... I mean... Fitz. You uh. Did you have a nice trip? Hey, you... did something with your hair, it looks... it looks good!”

  “Prince Regal was going around telling everyone I was dead, wasn't he,” Fitz says flatly.

  “Sometimes I can still hear his voice,“ Regal sighs from somewhere in the castle.

  ”What? No. What?? No! What?! No!“ Blade laughs as six more guards thud to the ground. ”No, of course not! It was just, you know, like, you know. YOU know. You know. I didn't really believe you were dead, I did retweet the link Regal posted but I commented with 'big if true,' so it wasn't really...”

  Fitz smiles. “Ho ho ho, Captain, don't worry your sweet little tits about it. Everyone falls victim to misinformation from time to time, and I accept the apology I assume you were about to provide me. Do carry about your business.”

  Halfway up to the stables, Burrich pulls Fitz aside. “Listen, Lil Accident, we're not at Grandma's house anymore,” he hisses. “You can't talk to people like you matter or Regal's gonna get his panties in a knot about it.”

  “And then he'll choke me,” Fitz agrees.

  “What?”

  “With his knotted up panties.“

  ”I'm also still alive,“ Hands offers after a long silence. ”Fitz, you're too weak and pathetic to wax your own horse, let me do it.“

  ”But...“

  ”Come on, Fitz, let Hands, my new favorite child, take care of the important work.“ Burrich takes Fitz's arm. ”Now go on up to the castle, that collar is making everybody question their sexuality.“

  ”What's a sexuality?“ Fitz asks, just before he's shoved into the castle, screen door banging behind him.

  Inside, Fitz looks around and notices that the place looks cleaner than it had before he'd left on the world's worst road trip. All the beer cans and ash trays have been cleaned up, someone's taken down the band posters and put up tasteful watercolors of succulents, and the 'NICE COCK' that had been scrawled above the toilet has been replaced with 'live laugh love.'

  ”Wrow,“ muses Fitz as he passes a sign on Verity's door that reads 'IF THE WARSHIP'S A-ROCKIN', DON'T COME A-KNOCKIN'. ”I'm kinda gonna miss the crusty sock smell. Good thing my room still reeks like teenaged boy.“

#rote #robin hobb #fitzchivalry farseer #ra abridged #this one's a little rough but I promise I'll warm up