#you will find your people

[riddlemefuckingthis]

Over the past few months, I've learned that some of the things that I thought I had to change in order to have a healthy relationship with anyone, I cannot change. At first I was so distraught, I hated that I couldn't change that I could get panic attacks, over stimulation, I had to go days without looking at my phone, I had to take time for certain parts of myself, I hated so much of it because I thought that this stuff was what made me burden.

Something that got me by surprise was that when people say that you're not a burden, they're not actually saying that they don't worry of you because that's what I thought it was, but no, what someone means when they say that you're not a burden is that they are actually okay worrying about you is because they actually love you. It was sooo fucking surprising for me because I'd gotten so used to feeling like people are angry at me 24/7. That's what happens when you have C-PTSD and Autism.

But I got so worried over the fact that I couldn't change some of the things that had at first ruined relationships that I had had a year ago. It's really fucking weird to realize that hey, actually, these people that I love that I don't have a relationship with anymore had actually been in the wrong when it came to me. They weren't considering my disability. They were acting like I was a normal person with normal attributes, but I'm very fucking traumatized and I have Autism! It's like they came into my life, wanted in, found a place to sit, but did not read the fucking instruction manual for this relationship. And I'm not going to be angry with myself for not setting boundaries because at that time I didn't really know how.

But now, I'm sort of in a friendship that I feel safe in. I really like this person as a friend and I am so happy that they understand some of the things that are needed in our relationship. Today, while I was at work at the local library, some of my old friends came in and I said hi and they didn't even consider me, they walked past me and laughed and yeah that hurt, and I had to go cry about it for a few minutes and then journal about when I got home, but it also made me consider that actually, I'm glad that I have a relationship with this person that I'm now friends with.

Anyway, this post is me saying that you will find your people. I believe in you and I want the best for you.

ALSO MY BIRTHDAY IS IN A WEEK AND I'M SO EXITED!!!!!!!!!

#leftist #anti capitalism #gay #friends #community #community is needed #communist #you will find your people

[whentherewerebicycles]

this is a random question, please feel free to ignore - but I have always appreciated reading your perspective and approach to academia. I'm in my first semester of grad school and struggling with the culture. Maybe it's that I took three years off after undergrad to work before returning to school, maybe it's that I'm in the northeast now (I moved from TX), maybe I'm just out of touch with academic culture now and don't really belong here, but... everyone in my program seems very serious and stressed and has been pretty joyless :( It is an intense program so I get it, everyone is very busy, but it's honestly really bringing me down. I frequently feel like the silliest/goofiest person in the room lol which I don't think is helping anyone take me seriously - but I want to be sociable and enjoy my time here (especially if the workload has to be this intense!). I guess I'm just wondering - do you have any advice for keeping joy while in this kind of academic environment? Is it possible to take your work seriously without taking yourself too seriously???

oh man i feel for you so much, anon!! it is absolutely, one hundred percent possible to take your work seriously without taking yourself too seriously, and i encourage you in the strongest possible terms to keep thinking of it that way and to keep deliberately cultivating that sense of joy and playfulness in your work and in your 'academic persona' in grad school. genuinely loving your work and genuinely looking for ways to enjoy what you're doing will carry you so far and will make your entire human experience SO much better.

HOWEVER!!

institutions can be crazymaking, and academia/grad school in particular is a 'total institution' that is designed to wholly immerse you in its own values, systems, etc. and wholly cut you off from the outside world (ie from different values and systems). academia wants you to believe that everything it chooses to value is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER and everything it chooses not to value (including joy, playfulness, creativity, sociability, etc.) is meaningless. it is very, very hard to resist its cultural messaging if you have no real outside world to compare it to. so the trick to surviving academia with your sense of self intact, i think, is to actively build and sustain meaningful connections to worlds outside of academia. the fact that you worked for several years before going back to school already gives you an advantage over your peers who went straight through from undergrad. you've seen the outside world! you've been an adult outside of academia! i would try to reframe your feeling of "maybe i don't belong here since i took time off" as "it's possible that the institution doesn't want me to feel like i belong here, because i bring a different set of values, a different way of looking at the world, and a different perspective on this kinda joyless culture into what is supposed to function as a closed-off institution."

here is my advice:

within academia: actively look for mentors, grad school peers, and scholarly models who embody that spirit of joy in their work, and to try as best you can to surround yourself with people whose values and ways of being an academic resonate with your own. look for the people who will make you feel like the best, happiest version of yourself, and be as fearless in you can in approaching those people and communicating clearly to them that you want to build a professional relationship or personal friendship with them. be open to looking outside your field, too! you may be in a department that has a strong culture of joylessness, but you can look for interdisciplinary working groups or conferences or grad school socializing opportunities that will put you in touch with other kinds of departmental cultures.

build relationships with people outside of academia -- and look for ways to leverage your skills in nonacademic settings. you'll get to spend quality time with non-academics (ie normal people who aren't wholly immersed in the institution of academia and can give you different ways of understanding your field's culture/norms) and you'll also get to experience the feeling of being a respected, competent professional. in my opinion, much of grad school's emotional power over us comes from its ability to make us feel like we know nothing and have few useful skills. (i could write an entire dissertation on why and how that happens, lol, but i will save it.) the happiest, most grounded people i knew in grad school were people who also did jobs, internships, volunteer gigs, freelance work, etc etc that used their skills but was wholly or mostly disconnected from academia itself. i know people who spent grad school doing their grad work but also dedicating lots of time to writing articles for online magazines, interning at museums, working as academic coaches with high school students, teaching volunteer creative writing classes at a local nonprofit, etc etc. pursuing those activities brought them joy and enriched their academic work, but perhaps most importantly, it gave them a strong sense of themselves as competent, capable adults whose worth didn't derive just from their academic work or their ability to fit into their department's culture.

if you are teaching, build relationships with your students too! cultivating joyful mentoring relationships with students was one of the single best things i did in grad school & after. undergrads usually haven't drunk the "academic work isn't supposed to be fun, it's supposed to be grim and cutthroat" kool-aid yet. they're often very excited about their work/their interests and very grateful for the energy and attention a grad instructor can give to them. and it will make YOU feel better and happier and lighter to feel like you are making a difference in students' college experiences. ooh and i'd also recommend connecting with your college's center for teaching and learning. in my experience academics who are deeply invested in teaching tend to be MUCH more joyful and happy in their lives than the academics who are disconnected from teaching or view it as a tiresome obligation. attend CTL events and conferences, join reading groups, take pedagogy courses if they offer them -- it's a great way to meet people outside your department, and i think chances are good that you will find at least some of your people in those spaces.

lastly: i really encourage you to regularly journal about your perceptions of academic culture AND about your sense of the kind of academic you want to be. i am obviously a huge proponent of reflective writing in ALL situations, but i found it especially useful as a tool for resisting the more damaging norms/expectations of academic culture. writing through my conflicted feelings about academia helped me process my ambivalence and get clarity in my own mind about how i wanted to operate within that world. write about the faculty members or older grad students you really admire/vibe with and what it is about them that makes you feel comfortable and energized. write about the faculty members and peers who make you feel shitty, and try to figure out what it is about those relationships that isn't working for you. write about the burning questions you want to answer and why they fascinate you. write about the joyful, transformative 'aha' moments you experience in your research or in your relationships with students. write about the kind of person & researcher you want to be and the concrete behaviors that will bring you closer to becoming that person. write about situations where it feels like you're being pressured (through explicit or implicit messaging, social cues, etc.) to do your work or go about your academic life in ways that don't sit right with you -- and make a plan for how you want to stay true to the things you care about and believe. write about the kind of future example for younger grad students who enter the program with the same conflicted "is it okay to feel joy in my work? is it okay to not take myself so seriously?" feelings you're feeling right now. all of this reflection will help you understand more clearly what you're up against and how/why this culture is making you feel certain ways. that won't wholly free you from its influence, unfortunately, but it'll 100% loosen the institution's emotional strangehold over you enough to let you do some good thinking about how you want to move through this world.

#i'll also say #you might perceive yourself as being alone in how you feel about grad school #or as being on the outside of your department's culture & being judged for it #but you also don't know how many people are watching you and thinking omg #i didn't know we could be great scholars AND be playful and joyful in our work #so keep at it!! #you will find your people #or your people will find you #because you are setting a good example that others are starved for and want to emulate #grad school #also this doesn’t need to be your first option but: you CAN transfer #a friend of mine just started a l phd program in a joyless program #she’s in her 30s and was like nope! not interested #and is transferring into a less prestigious program that she loves and feels so much better about

[starwarskawaii]

Musings of a self diagnosed autistic adult pt. 1

A few weeks ago, my best friend told me she wanted to get into dolls. I am a doll collector. My grandmother, who I was very close with, was a Barbie collector. Dolls have been my special interest since I was small. I know way more than anyone ever should about dolls. This was the first time in my life that someone wanted me to talk for hours about the thing I love.

The first time in 20 years anyone ever let me just talk about what I loved and encouraged me to. The first time someone asked questions and just let me happily talk about what interested me.

20 years of shutting up and/or never knowing how to talk to others because you want to talk about things you have in common, but you have hyperfixations and special interests and they do not like them is a very long time. 20 years where I just wanted to communicate and be heard, but I could not communicate with others in a way they understood.

And in those 20 years, barely anyone ever asked me about the things I like. My parents were short with me and tired of hearing me talk. My "friends" growing up did not care. When I happily told my mother that my friend let me talk for hours, she said something along the lines of "poor her." But my friend did not think it was "poor her." She wanted to hear me. She wanted to learn from me and hear me happy.

She bought some dolls she likes. She learns about new releases from me. She listens to me. She wants to hear me. And it turns out, other people do too. It's so strange to think that after waiting my whole life to communicate, I have finally found people who I can communicate with.

#special interest #autism #doll collecting #self diagnosed autism #communication #you will find your people #it gets better

[theboxfort]

Peace and love

#pink posts #i saw a tweet that was like “i see other people's art” --> i get discouraged #i understand that seeing art that is prettier than yours can be discouraging but why not twist that a bit? #why does it look prettier to you? is it the colors #is it the textures they used? the brushes? #study them and try to put your spin on it #and maybe you'll find your art beautiful as well

[justalittlebluetiefling]

#i don't believe that people for serious reasons sort their books any way but by author #and then obviously by release date/series within that #i am being told that i am being JUDGY #also if you sort your books any other way HOW DO YOU FIND THEM #i really need to know #polls #can't believe i forgot to include genre in here

[doccywhomst]

#i’ve been thinking abt that cringe post #i think the latent feelings behind ‘cringe’ are shame and sometimes envy/bitterness #same vibes as when six year olds say ‘those toys are for babies’ if they’ve been shamed for their age by older kids #anyway. i think part of the healing process is realizing that shame puts you at war with yourself bc part of yourself is a social being! #and that part of you wants community and acceptance (maybe love). shame is the absence of acceptance #unlearning shame means learning self-love and gaining the confidence to find your people #jerma #cw jerma #(someone asked me to tag lol)

[cozylittleartblog]

cant tell you how bad it feels to constantly tell other artists to come to tumblr, because its the last good website that isn't fucked up by spoonfeeding algorithms and AI bullshit and isn't based around meaningless likes

just to watch that all fall apart in the last year or so and especially the last two weeks

there's nowhere good to go anymore for artists.

edit - a lot of people are saying the tags are important so actually, you'll look at my tags.

#please dont delete your accounts because of the AI crap. your art deserves more than being lost like that #if you have a good PC please glaze or nightshade it. if you dont or it doesnt work with your style (like mine) please start watermarking #use a plain-ish font. make it your username. if people can't google what your watermark says and find ur account its not a good watermark #it needs to be central in the image - NOT on the canvas edges - and put it in multiple places if you are compelled #please dont stop posting your art because of this shit. we just have to hope regulations will come slamming down on these shitheads#in the next year or two and you want to have accounts to come back to. the world Needs real art #if we all leave that just makes more room for these scam artists to fill in with their soulless recycled garbage #improvise adapt overcome. it sucks but it is what it is for the moment. safeguard yourself as best you can without making #years of art from thousands of artists lost media. the digital world and art is too temporary to hastily click a Delete button out of spite

#not art #but important #please dont delete your accounts because of the AI crap. your art deserves more than being lost like that #if you have a good PC please glaze or nightshade it. if you dont or it doesnt work with your style (like mine) please start watermarking #use a plain-ish font. make it your username. if people can't google what your watermark says and find ur account its not a good watermark #it needs to be central in the image - NOT on the canvas edges - and put it in multiple places if you are compelled #please dont stop posting your art because of this shit. we just have to hope regulations will come slamming down on these shitheads #in the next year or two and you want to have accounts to come back to. the world Needs real art #if we all leave that just makes more room for these scam artists to fill in with their soulless recycled garbage #improvise adapt overcome. it sucks but it is what it is for the moment. safeguard yourself as best you can without making #years of art from thousands of artists lost media. the digital world and art is too temporary to hastily click a Delete button out of spite

[thatrandomblogsays]

Annabeth: I, a child, had to earn Thalia’s love, that’s how the world works! I have to earn my moms love. Love is transactional, you gotta be worthy of it first silly :)

Percy, listening to this on the train

#STOP TRAUMATIZING THIS CHILD PLEASE #this is what it’s like when you were raised in a loving home and you find out your friend wasn’t #but they don’t know they weren’t #so you’re like um hey that’s fucked up and sometimes a crime? #you tell them parents are supposed to love you as is without earning it and they don’t believe you #you can hear the therapy bill racking up #annabeth chase #Percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #pjo series #pjo tv show #mine #adding on to my tags because some people are debating if that’s how love works #love is meant to be a mutual exchange and something that grows over time between two people as their bond grows #whereas how Annabeth says it #in my opinion at least #she had to do XY and Z to be worthy of thalias love before receiving it #like with her mother #she has to be amazing before Athena is proud of her #vs Athena being proud of her just for being her daughter #that being said I’m not hating on a traumatized child having potentially negative and toxic patterns #more pointing out the comedy of the scene from Percy’s perspective who has a good grasp on healthy vs unhealthy relationships

[endusviolence]

Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

#transgender #trans history #transsexual #transphobia #Magnus Hirschfeld #holocaust #holocaust denial #book burning #j.k. rowling #jk rowling #just in case you missed what i mean by all this: go fuck yourself anon :) #trans people have always existed #and we will always exist #if you really wanna pick a fight with me over well-documented history then you better bring in some sources to back your shit #queer history #queer #lgbt+ #lgbta+ #lgbt #lgbt history #edit: i finally got around to those damn image IDs. i am so very sorry for totally forgetting that's my bimbo moment of the month #also real quick i thought about adding an image of the actual building but the only one i can find has a Nazi parade in front of it #it was taken the day of the book burning raid and honestly if i were to include it then i'd add it to the first few paragraphs #and i think the story's better told when you uphold the hope Magnus Hirschfeld and all the researchers he worked with had #also keeps being brought up: yes Hirschfeld was a eugenicist. it was a popular belief set that was only discredited after WW2 #Hirschfeld died in 1935. he literally didn't live long enough to see science turn against those beliefs and practices #considering how he changed his mind on transitions i like to think he would've changed his mind on eugenics too if he'd lived

[tessaannedesigns]

Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe! 💖

#willow the flamingo #the motivational kitty #tessa anne designs #your people #you will find your people #your tribe #your tribe is your vibe #mental health designs #motivational designs

[wherestoriescomefrom]

why did you people come up with russian names for what is supposed to be a movie set in italy. what was the thought process here. why does she sound like she walked out of a tolstoy novel

#just read a post defending katyas crimes #katyas crimes are that her husband is operating the mafia empire in italy #when she rightfully belongs in idk petersburg. #goncharov #hello void this is ridiculosity #unreality #I beg of you people when you encounter this post #Please go into the notes and find a reblog where I acknowledge your drags #PLEASE

[spacecravat]

posting niche fic on ao3 is like releasing a small creature into the wild and hoping it survives and finds sustenance

#go be free my niche little ship #perhaps your people will find you #mine

[almostsweetangel]

NYT article abt goncharov has comments like 'what is the purpose of this film's existence these kids are just lying' motherfucker how do you think our ancestors survived. how do you think folklore formed. culture. music. art. PURPOSE????? do you think everything must be commodified? sold? weighed to be valued? has the rot in your soul spread so far you cannot find value in anything not spoken in numbers??? it's FUN. THAT'S WHY. THE PURPOSE IS THE ACT, THE MESSAGE IS THE MEDIUM, THE SYMBOL IS THE STORY. it brings people joy for its mere existence and that IS the point. existence is its purpose alone

#goncharov #not unreality an actual reaction to an actual comment on an article bc corporate journalism has decided to breach gonchcontainment #god i fucking hate people being like blah blah blah but what's the point of this thing SHUT THE FUCK UP #GO PICK UP A HOBBY YOU DROPPED BC YOU THOUGHT IT WAS TOO CRINGY FIND JOY IN IT OR SMTH AND MAYBE YOU'LL CALM DOWN #JUST BC YOUR CAPACITY FOR HAPPINESS DIED DOESN'T MEAN OURS DID #anyway back to regular gonchposting #shut up levi