#because I never stop denying the canon where her own people sacrificed her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

paper-n-ashes · 3 years

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sparks and embers - chapter 6

Characters: Poe Dameron x Original Female Character, Kylo Ren x Original Female Character

Story Tags: Explicit (18+), Canon Compliant/Divergent (Set after TLJ), First Person POV, Love Triangle, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers, Porn with Plot, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren hates Poe Dameron

Chapter 6 - Ruin

Words: 5.9k

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Mentions of war/death, kissing, a healthy dose of the ‘sharing a bed’ trope, ANGST, sexual education because who doesn’t want to read about that in fanfiction, vague description of a female medical procedure

Read on AO3 or Start from the beginning

A softened sigh left me, knowing it was probably time to let Poe say his piece. He’d been so silent until now that I felt compelled to hear what had been stirring inside his mind while I’d held him in quiet contempt.

“Alright. I’m listening.”

He flicked on one of the dimmed lamps next to the bed, a gentle glow illuminating the room, watching as he proceeded to carefully extricate himself from under the sheets, the soreness as a result of the rehab we’d performed today now evident in his concentrated expression.

I drew myself up into a seated position on the sofa as he made his way to sit on the small table at my front, not attempting to meet my eyes until he’d slowly placed himself down on the metal. His face was less than a meter from mine, pupils drifting upwards until finally, our stares locked.

“I’m sorry,” he declared, his words heavy. “I understand why you’re angry. I get it, okay? Years of battle after battle, fight after fight, it becomes difficult to consider those working under the First Order’s control as people. People with families, loved ones, even children. They appear as targets, there simply to be eliminated. And it’s you or them. Either you perish, or you put the rational thought into the back of your mind and fight back.”

Poe glanced down, fixated to the floor, his jaw tight. “I do think about it sometimes, the people I’ve... murdered. I’ve spent sleepless nights wondering if killing in the name of freedom was a good enough reason to send people to an early death. When you don’t see their faces it’s…. easier. You don’t see the bloodshed, the corpses. You just see the fiery explosion of their ships fading into the black void of space.”

I stayed rigid in the sofa, hands clutching the into cushions. It was difficult to hold down the simmer of anger that boiled in my stomach, since everything so far only reinforced what I felt like I’d determined hours ago. Even while my demeanour remained stormy, Poe continued.

“All I heard in my childhood was my father reminding me of the way he and my mother fought for what they believed to be right. Both of them lived and battled through a time like ours, under the thumb of a regime hungry for power, sparing no innocents in their pursuit of it.” He became lost in memory, the aura drifting around him stained with a subtle sorrow. “‘People were hurting. People were suffering. Your father and I couldn’t sit and do nothing.’ That’s what my mother had told me, a child of two, as her reasoning for joining the Alliance in their efforts to push back against what threatened all type of freedom in this galaxy. My parents offered to sacrifice their lives on the tiniest shred of hope that me, and every other being on every planet, would see peace in their lifetime.”

His eyes finally shifted back to focus on mine. They were determined, yet soft, the chocolate fibers of his irises melting together. “I just... wanted to be like her. Like them. I wanted to do what they did. I wanted them to be proud of me, to have faith that their legacy would live on after they were gone. To provide freedom and peace like they had. Even if that meant sacrificing my own life, even if that meant killing those who opposed it. I had to. I had to join the people that wanted the same thing as me.”

A growing ferocity began to radiate, his voice severe. “I witnessed so many of my fellow soldiers, my friends, die thoughtlessly at the hands of others. And I wanted them to feel the same pain that I felt. Is it hypocritical? Of course, I know that. Is it cruel? Yes, murder is rarely not. But it's in the name of protection, defiance against control from an overpowering force. Those who fight with the First Order, who take over planets and kill innocents for the sake of power, they know what they’re doing. They know the consequences, the outcome, the hold the galaxy will be strangled under if they succeed. And they do it anyway. Our cause isn’t more noble, it’s self-defence. We’re trying to protect the ones who aren’t able to fight back, and those who don’t deserve to be born into a world that will crush them into submission.”

Poe’s features turned darker, leaning in close. “I will never stop thinking about the lives I’ve taken. I will never not hold myself accountable for the sins I’ve committed. But I will also not sit and do nothing. I don’t need you to accept it, but at least try to understand. You and I want the same thing, in the end, to save as many people as possible in our short lifetime. I’m just doing the best I can to see that through.”

While I instinctively took a breath in preparation to speak, nothing came. He’d rendered me speechless.

I had no reply to give, no counterargument, no flaw to point out. His honesty floored me, raw emotion and long-felt guilt rising up for me to observe so openly. The pain behind his eyes seemed so much more acute than any of the other injuries he’d sustained, not trying to shield it from my view as he spoke.

I tried to find words, anything to articulate my forgiveness. Because I did understand. He’d made me see it, the same anguish over death that I felt. But he’d also made me realise what a coward I was.

Against the people who would kill him or control him, he fought back. While I hid myself away under the guise of selflessness.

I thought I was the hero of my story, giving up my home, my old life, for the benefit of the downtrodden people of this planet. In reality, I was a scared little girl, too gutless to push back against those I, and so many others in this galaxy, feared. And here Poe was, putting himself in harm’s way, every day, in the hopes that he could take away our fear forever.

He began to rise in front of me, taking my lack of reply as an answer in itself. He seemed despondent, his face sullen as he turned to limp back to the bed.

A different kind of fury coursed through me, fury at myself for how easily I’d judged him, at how cruelly I’d treated him.

I couldn’t let the night end this way.

I picked myself up from the sofa and quickly lunged at his wrist, pulling him to face me. He was surprised, glancing with wide eyes to where my hand had caught him, then to my face. I tried desperately to convey it there, everything I wanted to say, struggling to find my voice. Poe waited for me to speak the words I clearly had sitting on the edge of my tongue, but everything I conjured didn’t seem to be enough, the jumbled thoughts swirling incoherently in my mind, never letting me quite grasp onto them long enough to form exactly what I needed to express.

Tension filled the space between us, thick and overwhelming. I soon began outlining the lines of his face, the crease currently stuck in his brow, the curve of his nose, the contour of his jaw, the arch of his lips.

My hands found themselves catching each side of his face, pulling his mouth to mine in a desperate kiss.

I’d held it back for so long, too long, now unable to deny the burning urge to melt my lips into his. He was alarmed at first, his mouth frozen from movement as he comprehended my sudden attack.

Yet quickly he was syncing his lips fluidly with mine, a hand rising to clutch the back of my neck, pulling me closer. His casted arm curled around my waist, pressing my body into his, feeling the heat radiating off his chest.

The fire in my lower abdomen roared into bright red flames again, spreading into the rest of my body like molten lava. He tasted even better than I’d imagined, our tongues beginning to find each other through parted mouths. Fingers moved into his hair, hungrily grasping at the curled strands, causing a low moan to seep from his throat. The sound made me even more forceful in my need for his lips to be connected with mine, barely having time to breathe in-between our eager kisses.

I wanted to have him, all of him, so deeply it was painful, the searing burn lighting up in my veins.

Don’t do this Alexys. It will ruin you.

My breath hitched as I reluctantly pulled away, looking up, seeing his pupils swollen. He was cautious then, moving his hand from my neck to push a strand of hair behind my ear, almost if at any moment I would flee from his embrace.

And that’s what half of me was begging to do, the other screaming at me to lock our lips together again. I felt split into two, a cracking beginning to divide me roughly in the middle.

I could see Poe searching through my gaze, trying to assess my thoughts, whether it was safe to continue. He leaned in gradually, testing my reaction. I didn’t recoil this time. I didn’t want to.

His lips melted into mine, less insistent than before, although somehow just as intimate. Inhibitions lowered, my hands slid down to his chest, noticing the hard muscles underneath my palms and feeling the fire inside me surge. I wanted to feel the bare skin underneath, to have it pressed against my own. To explore the other parts of him covered by clothes. To forget even for a short time that this was wrong, that I shouldn’t be doing this.

Poe gently withdrew, leaning his forehead into mine. “I know.”

“Know what?”

He exhaled a long breath. “I know you don’t want to do this.”

I replaced my hands to his cheeks. “You have no idea how much I want this. How much I want you.” The truth of the words made me feel both vulnerable and safe, for the first time giving in to the yearning I’d hoped to keep locked inside my chest.

He tensed, a slight tremble in the arm that curved around my body. But his face grew sombre, almost... sad. “You don’t. Not completely. I can feel you wanting to hold back,” he murmured. “I can feel your fear.”

I swallowed hard, unable to refute him. “…I’m sorry. I want to. But I just… I can’t."

We both looked down, my confirmation making the tone of our connection shift. He was silent for what felt like a long time, and we stayed motionless in our embrace, neither wanting it to end, knowing it was inevitable that we would have to part.

“Why?” he breathed. “Why are you afraid?”

I wanted to be honest with him, like he had been for me, so much the sensation felt like it was clawing out from inside me, determined to burst through the skin. But there was a barrier there, one I had forged long ago. Unyielding and impenetrable to anything or anyone.

Although, I felt another realisation simmer to the surface of my mind, one that was not nearly as exposing, but still true.

“You’re going to leave. And I have to stay here. I don’t… I don’t want that to hurt any more than it has to.”

It seemed to hit him then, like he hadn’t let the thought enter his mind before. The awareness of our predicament shone brightly in his eyes, a light switch flickering on.

His hand moved to my cheek, grazing his thumb softly against the skin, my heart throbbing inside its cage at his light touch. I watched as eyes scanned over my face, back and forth, as if memorising the features. It was then I knew he’d come to the same conclusion.

It wouldn’t be long before we would part, most likely to never see each other again. If we went any further, if we crossed that line, the pain of saying goodbye would become so much more unbearable.

Almost simultaneously, we let our hold on each other loosen, the disappointment in the air almost palatable on my tongue. The smouldering inside had burnt out, suffocated by the gloom weighing heavy in my chest. Poe took my hand in his, his eyes pleading. “Can I ask one thing of you?’

I moved my head in a slow nod.

“Sleep in this bed with me tonight. Just sleep. I promise.” It was an earnest request, his face imploring and unguarded.

In contempt of the voice in my head bellowing at me that this was a terrible idea, I agreed. “Okay.”

Together we tentatively walked to each side of the mattress, making no rush to slip under the covers and settle into the pillows. I faced away, fearing if I looked at Poe's charming face any longer, I would surrender to the pull of desire that never seemed to relent. I didn’t know how I was ever going to be able to fall asleep like this, his body radiating an energy that vibrated into the space between us, keeping me all too aware of his presence.

There was movement, a dip in the mattress, Poe’s arms curling around my torso, pulling me close. His face buried itself into my hair, the warmth of his gradual exhale sending charged shivers down my spine. Placing my arms over his, silently accepting his embrace, I felt my heart thump a calming glow through my chest, all the way to the end of my limbs.

I’d never felt so peaceful, so whole, becoming lost in the comfort of his hold, wishing I could bask in it forever.

But reality bit at me, cold and uninvited, reminding me of the goodbye I would have to give soon enough.

We were still entangled when consciousness came again, the dim light of early sunrise leaking through my window. Poe’s arms circled around me, my body fitting perfectly into his.

He was still asleep, his face resting just at the back of my head, slow breaths bristling into my hair. I relished the feeling of it all, trying to commit it to my memory.

I stayed there, motionless, waiting for time to run out, knowing I would be chasing the feeling of this in the months, maybe years, to come. Thinking about his future absence made me terrifyingly lonely, even with his arms wrapped around now.

Eventually the seconds ticked down to my chronometer alarm buzzing, rustling Poe awake from his slumber. I assumed he would begin to move, pulling away, this one night that bonded us together finally ending. Yet he stayed as unmoving as I had been, the only indication he had awoken the increased depth of his inhale, a small tense of his muscles. I went to move, to switch the screeching sound off, but he clutched me back into his chest, squeezing tight.

As much as my heart thumped at the pressure of his hips into mine, the noise of my alarm was grating. “Let me turn it off,” I whispered. “I’ll come right back.”

Poe loosened his grip reluctantly, allowing me to reach over to the screeching machine and mute its sound. I settled back comfortably into his arms again, as he nuzzled his face into my neck, lips faintly placing a kiss on the skin.

“Poe… please… don’t…”

His sigh whistled past my neck. “Come with me, when I leave.”

It annoyed me, his fleeting demand so easily spoken. As if I could suddenly give up all that encompassed my life before he appeared, the beings that depended on me. But his voice was so sincere, so entreating in the early morning, that the irritation dashed away from the forefront of my mind.

“You know I can’t do that.”

He acknowledged my answer in the shift of his body from around me, moving himself out of the bed we had shared for the night and leaving me alone underneath the sheets.

It burned, the unprecedented disconnection of his shape from mine, my chest forming into a black hole in the realisation I might never feel him that close again.

I wanted to let my emotion to take over, to give in to the pain that rushed to me now as the finality of our night cradled together became evident. But I refused to release it, my resolve from the night before holding strong. I knew I’d made it harder by giving in to Poe's innocent plea of sharing a slumber within his embrace, but I wasn’t going to let our farewell completely ruin me.

With a forced composure, I rose from my bedside, focusing on the appointments scheduled to fill my day. Through my haze I recalled many of them being young female patients in need of birth control. I would somehow have to shut Poe away, wanting to give these women the privacy they deserved.

Poe and I appeared to use the ‘freshers at the same time, the searing heat I usually liked being showered with restrained no matter how high I pushed the temperature button. Eventually I’d readied myself for the workday ahead, deciding on a pencil skirt and lightened blue blouse tucked into the waist, working my hair into a ponytail.

It was when I’d begun making breakfast, for both myself and all the company that I kept in the clinic at the moment, that Poe emerged back into my quarters in a set of dark black hospital clothes. I glanced at him only briefly as he entered, hearing him pull out a chair, not daring to look at his face yet.

“Smells good,” he uttered, breaking the silence that existed in exemption to the sautéed chicken eggs and nuna bacon sizzling in the large pan in front of me.

“It’s almost ready,” I remarked, feeling completely the disconnection between us in his tone. Half of me was glad he accepted the separation we needed to make, the other mourning the severed bond we had formed in the connection of our bodies. But I had to let it go, whatever was left of the fragile link that survived the night.

I continued preparing the hot meal, separating the foodstuff between Poe and Vixur’s crew. Once I’d gently placed a share in front of Poe at the table, a smile meeting him fleetingly, I took the rest with me, balancing the four dishes on my hands and forearms, moving cautiously through the hallway.

With impeccable timing Vixur and his students were conversing between each other, obviously having woken just before I came to greet them.

“I’ve got breakfast for you all,” I announced, setting it down at the meeting table across from my computer. It was generally used as a place I could sit with patients and their families when giving them their diagnosis or explaining treatment plans, but today it would have to work as a secondary dining table. All four men jabbered back thankyous as they moved quickly to sit and eat, their appreciation evident in the way they gulped down the meal without hesitation. I returned to my quarters to find Poe picking lazily at his food, only a few bites eaten.

“Does it taste bad?” I asked from behind him, before circling to my seat at the table.

He looked up swiftly, as if I’d startled him. He must have been deeply lost in thought not to hear me treading down the hallway.

“It’s delicious,” he urged. “I’m just… not that hungry.”

“Are you feeling alright? Are you still sore? Are you-“

“Alex, I’m fine,” he interrupted. “You can’t fix a bad mood with any of your treatments.”

I looked at him curiously. “Bad mood?”

Did I do that to him?

“Did you not sleep well?”

He didn’t answer me right away, a subtle scowl settling in his lips. “It was actually... the most restful sleep I’ve had in a long time.”

I fought the urge to beam at him, a smile waiting to form, but the gloomy expression he wore held it down. I had to agree with him - it truly was the most comfortable rest I’d experienced in recent memory. And knowing I would never feel that peaceful, dreamless slumber in his arms again made me fully understand why he was frowning.

“Thank you so much for the meal Alex. I just... don’t have an appetite right now.” Poe rose from his seat and took his plate to clean, his sombre mood spilling into my body and taking over. Wringing his hands dry, He turned back to me. “Is it still alright if I keep using your office to continue working on BB-8?”

I nodded. “It would actually be preferable. Most of my patients today are women, and I need privacy for their appointments. I’ll let you know when it’s safe to come out, okay?”

Poe understood what I’d only hinted at. “Sure thing. I won’t step a foot out that room without your permission.”

A kind smile formed on his lips, but it fell as he moved from my quarters, leaving me to my breakfast, which now seemed extremely unappetizing.

“Well, Kaia, you’ve got a couple of options,” I started. It was my 5th appointment of the day, and I was starting to lose all hope in the young generation that followed mine. “You can get the implant, which lasts 5 years and protects you from pregnancy. But it can be a painful procedure, and unfortunately the implant itself is quite expensive. There are injections which last 3 months, but you’ll have to see me again in that time frame. I know that’s hard for you being from the South village. But there’s always prophylactics, which your partner has to use, every separate time you want to be intimate.”

Kaia was a 17-year-old human girl who had obviously not been taught any helpful sex education. Although, that wasn’t uncommon in these villages.

“But, like,” she began to question. “Can’t he just, like, not, um, finish in there?”

I drew in a deep breath. This wasn’t the first time I’d explained this today. “Technically yes, if he withdraws from you before that moment comes, it does lessen the chance of pregnancy. But Kaia, there’s a lot of fluid already leaking from him before then, fluid that can contain sperm. It doesn’t protect you. Not fully.”

Kaia was thoughtful, taking in my words. “But what if he doesn’t want to use the sheath?”

“Well... that’s his decision. But then you have to make yours. A decision that you’re more than allowed to make. One night could lead to either a future of motherhood or even diseases that could cause a great deal of damage to your body.”

“Ew,” Kaia recoiled. “I mean, I get what you’re saying. But Miss Jago, haven’t you ever been so swept up in the moment that you didn’t think about any of that?”

My jaw clenched, catching me off guard with her question. None of the other women had posed it to me. “It’s not been an issue for me,” I said flatly.

“Because of the birth control, right?” she surmised. “Which one do you use then?”

Oof, caught me out again.

“I don’t have the need for it. Kaia, this is not about me-”

“Wait, what?” she gasped. “But you’re so pretty?”

I soaked my voice in its professional tone. “This is your appointment Kaia, we’re not here to discuss my personal life.”

Kaia refused to comply. “But you’ve done it, right?”

I sighed, irritated. “Yes Kaia, but we took all the necessary precautions.”

“Well that doesn’t make it sound very fun,” Kaia huffed.

I tried desperately to hold back the aversion wanting to show on my face. It hadn’t been fun. It was clunky, awkward and somewhat painful. And I felt a spike of envy that this teenager already seemed to have had better experience with the opposite sex than I did.

“Look, your options are there. If I had to choose one, and I was with a partner I could trust had nothing that could spread to me, I’d go with the implant.”

She contemplated my advice, pulling her hands up to let her chin rest on them. “I think you’re right Miss Jago. But my parents would never help me pay for it.”

“That’s alright,” I replied, already knowing the home situation Kaia found herself in. She’d made the trek to my clinic alone, without her parent’s knowledge, just to see me for this single reason. I doubted they even knew she had a boyfriend. “How about I put the implant in today, and we figure out payment later?”

Kaia’s face lit up, eyes brimming with delight. “Really?”

I smiled at her and nodded.

“Thank you!” she squealed, face barely containing her excitement.

Really, this was for both her benefit and my own. I wasn’t about to face her parents when it would ultimately be me providing the news their daughter was pregnant. I didn’t want Kaia to go through that, a young pregnancy in a poor village after her parents would most likely cast her out.

“Remember I said this can be a painful procedure, and you’ll be sore for a day or two afterwards.”

Kaia nodded, understanding, yet unable to hold back her joy.

I worked my way through the process of setting her implant, my mind on autopilot while I thought more about the question Kaia innocently queried. I’d never come close to the type of desire that would have caused me to throw away all caution and rational thought. Not until-

“Hey Alex!” I heard from the other side of the curtain I’d drawn for Kaia’s discretion. “I know I said I wouldn’t come out until you said, but I’ve got something I need to show you.”

Poe’s voice was exuberant and proud, annoyingly unaware of the fact I had my hand in a very delicate place. My eyes shot to Kaia’s, her cheeks already flushing red with mortification.

“Poe!” I fumed, not hiding my anger. “I asked you to do one thing!”

I sensed his panic from behind the fabric separating us. “Kriff! Sorry!” His voice changed when he spoke next, a hurried whisper. “BB, come back here! We can’t show her yet!”

A streaming mechanical movement could be heard in my periphery, turning my head to see a shadow moving along the bottom of the curtain. I took the moment to stop what I was doing, covering Kaia with a sheet.

I was thankful I did that when the BB-8 droid slip through a break in the drape, caring little for what Poe had ordered him to do. His little head sat hovering above his balled body, for the first time actually staying in position. The photoreceptor, which looked like a singular eye, was also finally lit as he zoomed closer. While an impressed smirk started to beam as I realised Poe had managed to get his little friend working, it was rapidly overtaken by irritation at the droid’s lack of courtesy.

Poe was cursing under his breath, then apologetic. “Alex and uh, patient, I am so sorry. BB, get out of there!” BB-8 let out a few indiscernible beeps, a language I didn’t understand, although Poe seemed to. “I don’t care! They need privacy. You can see her later!” he hollered.

The droid made what sounded like a high-pitched huff as its head dropped, like it knew it had been scolded. Its head swivelled around on top it’s body and rolled away, again sliding through the break in the curtain.

“Come on, back this way.” I listened to the combination of footsteps and mechanical whirring move back into the hallway, a door eventually clicking closed. Looking apologetically back to Kaia, her face was still stunned at the intrusion.

“I am so sorry. I told him to stay put until my appointments were over. It’s okay if you want to stop for a moment,” I offered, trying to stay as calm as possible.

Kaia blinked purposefully a few times before being able to focus back to me. “No it’s okay. I’m ready.”

I admired her composure, while I remained silently boiling under the surface.

“What the hell Poe?” I snarled, barging into my office where Poe sat, seemingly interrupting a conversation he was having with BB-8. I’d clawed my anger into submission for the rest of Kaia’s appointment, but now it was ready to surge outward.

Poe stood, arms held up in surrender. “I know! I’m sorry! I didn’t think, and it was just really bad timing.” BB-8 beeped in what sounded like agreeance, rolling around from behind the office desk into my view.

“It was the worst timing!” I snapped. “That girl was 17, in a very vulnerable position, and you scared the living daylights out of her!”

“I know, and I can’t apologise enough Alex, really!” His face was pleading, brown eyes soft yet desperate. “I was just so excited about BB working again, and I wanted to show you.”

His sincerity disarmed me, my fury sizzling down, suffocated by his apology. I took a slow breath in, eyes closed, reigning it in further. “Please don’t disregard my instructions again,” I grumbled.

He nodded, as did BB-8, and my eyes focused on the droid. He was oddly cute in his appearance, his small beeps already annoyingly adorable. “Hello,” I greeted, all frustration now clean from my voice. “My name is Alexys.” I kneeled down to his eye level and he immediately wheeled directly in front of me, beeping somewhat of his own introduction.

“He said it’s nice to meet you,” Poe clarified, still hesitant at the easy change in my mood.

I looked up at him, curious. “You can understand those sounds he makes?”

“Most of it,” Poe answered. “It’s a form of Binary. Having him with me for so long helped me grow accustomed to the pitch and time changes in his beeps.”

My eyebrows rose, fascinated. “That’s so impressive.” BB-8 squealed in uneven time, his eye looking over to Poe, who almost looked bashful. “What? What did he say?”

He shot BB-8 an irritated look before meeting his eyes to mine. “It’s nothing important. His circuits are still a little fried.”

I wasn’t convinced, but then again I didn’t speak droid. "I'm glad you got him working,” I said earnestly, pleased there hadn’t been any type of casualty from his crash.

Poe sighed, relieved. “Me too. He’s the best co-pilot I’ve ever had.”

BB-8 whistled happily, evidently pleased with the praise, and its sweetness made me smile.

“Alexys?” Vixur suddenly called, his voice echoing down the hall. “Are you back there?”

I left Poe and BB-8 without a word, finding Vixur standing at the hallway entrance, his clothes smeared in dirt and dark grease. “Everything okay?”

Vixur nodded, evidently tired, still an accomplished grin filled his face. “We’re done actually. The comm-tower’s fixed.”

I wanted to smile back, to show my appreciation for his hard work, but it all became too hard to fake anymore.

This was it, the beginning of my goodbye to Poe. He would now be able to contact the Resistance, his friends, and he would soon be gone from my life just as suddenly as he arrived.

I forced the tears back as I hugged Vixur, doing all I could to hide my pain and show some kind of gratitude for the selfless work he had done.

Somehow Vixur sensed the turmoil simmering through me, patting my back softly. He pulled out of our embrace, speaking softly enough so Poe wouldn’t hear. “You needed this done for him, didn’t you?”

I nodded, the sadness hard to contain on my face. Vixur’s own expression was sympathetic as he squeezed my arm reassuringly. I didn’t need to explain anything, he just seemed to know.

“If it’s meant to be, you’ll find each other again.”

I drew in a long breath, furiously smothering the need to cry. I wanted to thank him more, for giving his time to me for little in return, but I couldn’t say the words out of fear the sudden sorrow would overwhelm me if I spoke out loud.

Vixur understood this, giving me a caring smile as he took his leave. “Well, we best be heading back to the village. I’ll see you sometime soon Alex. If I don’t, I wish you luck.”

And he was gone, the clinic door closing behind him, leaving me frozen in dread. A large part of me was reluctant to tell Poe the ‘good news’, but he’d waited long enough for his rescue from this planet.

I didn’t need to turn around to know he’d slinked out of the office to find me stuck where I stood, BB-8’s soft whirring following him.

“The comm-tower is ready, isn’t it?” Poe asked gently.

I forced myself to smile as I turned around, Poe’s expression not showing the relief I would have expected.

“Sure is,” I replied, the hint of quiver in my voice. “You can finally go home.”

I saw Poe’s lip tremble as he too attempted a smile, the disappointment in his eyes more indicative of his actual reaction to my answer.

Neither of us spoke for a long time, BB-8 looking back and forth quizzically, a few unsure beeps finally pierced in Poe’s direction. The sounds knocked us back into reality, as I moved to find the transmitter I’d stashed back into my tech station after determining its redundancy days ago.

The memories felt foreign, like they were from a different age. So little time had changed me so much, making me feel the most unstable and fragile I had felt in so long, on the verge of tipping into an overwhelming pain.

Poe had watched me in silence, unmoving. I eventually shifted the transmitter into his arms, an extremely aged, large box with an array of dusty buttons poking out of the rusted metal.

“It’s old, but it still works,” I insisted in a monotone, the emotion sucked from my voice. Poe only nodded, and gave me one last despairing glance as he turned away, carrying the machine into the study, BB-8 trailing behind him.

When the door closed, I couldn’t hold onto it any longer, the overpowering misery bursting free, its icy presence consuming me in a singular moment, the cold burn stinging as a few tears trickled down my cheeks.

What did I tell you?

The tears came faster at the sound of the voice, it’s condescension only making the suffering more excruciating.

No.

You’re wrong. I’m stronger than this.

I wiped away the errant tears defiantly, pulling myself together at the seams that had broken a few minutes ago, calming my breathing, trying to settle the trembling on inhale.

I’d made it through so much worse, pushed past crushing loneliness, fear and sadness, to make myself more resilient than I was behaving now. And I wasn’t going to let myself be caught in this vortex of emotion any longer.

I will not let this ruin me.

Next Chapter

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(Please let me know if you wanted to be added or removed!)

#poe dameron #poe dameron x original female character #kylo ren #kylo ren x original female character #star wars #star wars fanfiction #adcu #adcu fanfiction #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x female reader #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x female reader #I SWEAR KYLO IS COMING OKAY THIS IS A SLOW BURN

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panharmonium · 4 years

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Hi! Love your blog l, found it today and inhaled all of your Merlin Meta. All of it just resonated with me. So, I just wanted to ask what your thoughts were on 2x08 when Merlin lied to Arthur about the truth of his birth, and what other ways it could have possibly played out, i.e. do you think it would have been possible for Merlin to have stopped Arthur from killing Uther but without saying that Morgause was lying?

Hi, nice to meet you! :D So, I’ll admit right up front that the first part of my answer to this is gonna be super boring, because I am totally the worst person to ask about other ways this scene (or any scene, really) could have played out. I’ve never had much interest in AU scenarios, so I virtually never think about them - I think the only exception is the “Will comes to Camelot” story that a few friends and I are perpetually playing around with, and that’s only interesting to me because it’s Will, and I enjoy pretty much anything where he’s concerned. X)

But besides that, I don’t typically enjoy thinking about alternate pathways - I really like the way the canon Merlin story plays out up until the finale, so generally all I want to do is think about the canon. I’ve never wanted to dream up new ways for things to go (I dunno why; I’ve just never gotten much interest out of it). So unfortunately I don’t have any cool ideas about other ways this could have played out, but I know there are tons of people in this fandom who love making lots of AUs, so maybe if anybody has recommendations they can point you in the right direction in the replies here!

In terms of just general thoughts on 2.08, one of the most interesting things to me about this episode to me is how Morgause actually *is* lying (not completely, but enough.) She doesn’t tell Arthur the whole truth about what happened with Uther, and she doesn’t even truly summon Ygraine; it’s an illusion of Morgause’s own making. And we know that because “Ygraine” herself gives it away - earlier in this episode, Arthur says, “I never knew [my mother]. She died before I opened my eyes,” but then when the so-called Ygraine appears, the show specifically makes sure to have her say, “When I last held you, you were a tiny baby. I remember your eyes. You were staring up at me.” Which is the tip-off for us - that’s not her.

And because of this, Morgause has complete control over the framing of what Arthur hears in this scene. It’s true that Uther went to Nimueh, and it’s true that he knew a life would have to be taken in return, but he didn’t know whose. Morgause, though, through her illusion of Ygraine, specifically makes it sound like Uther knew Ygraine herself would die (”He sacrificed my life so the Pendragon dynasty could continue”), and I mean, it’s not that I think Uther’s decision is any better just because he was willing to sacrifice some random person’s life instead of his wife’s, but it’s relevant that Morgause embellishes the truth specifically to engineer a particular reaction from Arthur.

And, given this, it’s also relevant to note that Merlin doesn’t actually lie to Arthur at the end of this episode. He says, “Morgause is lying. She’s an enchantress. She tricked you. That wasn't your mother. It was an illusion. Everything, everything your mother said to you - those were Morgause's words.” And that’s true. Arthur makes the assumption that this means that the substance of Morgause’s words was all false - and Merlin allows him to think this - but Merlin never actually says as much.

And to be honest, it shouldn’t even matter what Merlin says. Afterwards, when Arthur asks Uther flat-out whether Merlin is right, Uther never actually denies the part he played in Ygraine’s death. Arthur says, “Swear to me that it isn’t true, that you are not responsible for her death,” but Uther just replies, “I swear on my life, I loved your mother. There isn't a day that passes that I don't wish she were alive. I could never have done anything to hurt her.” It’s a pretty clever bit of maneuvering, but it’s not a denial. He swears that he loved her. He doesn’t swear that he didn’t cause her death.

And the thing is, Arthur is fully capable of realizing this. Uther’s dodge is painfully obvious to everyone listening. Arthur knows what he really asked his father, and he hears the evasion his father offers in response, same as everybody else in the room. Regardless of what Merlin said previously about Morgause (all of which is technically correct!), Arthur is still completely capable of arriving at the truth on his own. Uther’s own words make it very clear. If Arthur would just think about it a little harder, or look at it a little deeper, he would see that.

But he doesn’t want to. He chooses not to examine it too closely. It would be too hard to accept, and it would hurt too much, and the only way he can make all his difficult feelings go away is to fall back on a familiar, comfortable, “sorcery is evil” explanation. It papers over the truth for him. It allows him to continue on with his life without having to confront pain.

And that’s a problem, as I’ve said many times before. We can rag on Merlin all we want for having the audacity to stop a friend from committing patricide, and we can blame him for arresting Arthur’s momentum and letting Uther live and sentencing the magical community to further suffering, but the ultimate fact of the matter is that Arthur is the one who ultimately chooses to look away here. Arthur has all of the information he needs regardless of what Merlin says, and he chooses not to pursue it, because it would cause him too much pain.

And it’s not the first time he’s done this. I talked about it before, in the tags of this post, when Arthur reacts to a so-called sorcerer who dies saving his life, and it’s the same exact progression - he’s confronted by something that challenges his worldview, and for a second he feels troubled/pained/guilty, and then, to escape those uncomfortable feelings, he retreats back into a framework that makes sense to him. A framework that is easier for him. A framework that hurts less, and, most importantly, a framework that doesn’t implicate him in any wrongdoing.

So what I’m saying is, in my opinion, it doesn’t matter if Merlin tells Arthur that Morgause was tricking him or not. She was! And Merlin’s acknowledgment of that fact isn’t enough to dissuade Arthur from attacking his father; Arthur is still pressing Uther to swear his innocence after Merlin says it. It’s Uther’s words that make Arthur back down, but those words are also exactly what make Uther’s guilt apparent.

Arthur just doesn’t want to acknowledge it yet.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #replies #hope this is at least slightly relevant to what you were asking!#sorry i couldn't help with the first part of this question! au's are way out of my wheelhouse generally XD

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drop-of-infinity · 3 years

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I have continued my weird destiel fic thing! This part is canon compliant with season 6.

Chapter one is here

Chapter two is here

<><><><><><><><><>

Chapter 3: season 6

The Third Man

{“I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here-“ and then suddenly Cas was there in all his trenchcoated glory. He hadn’t come when Sam had prayed all those times, but Dean had called once and here was Cas. Well, no time to think about that now.

{“Dean and I do share a more profound bond..” he’d been very careful with his wording, yet the that was too honest feeling had returned. Cas sighed inwardly. He was not built for emotions. He was not built for choosing his words.

{“You’re gonna torture a kid?”

“I can’t care about that Dean! I don’t have the luxury.” Cas’s voice cracked as he said it, and Dean knew he did care about it. After all, if there was one thing he knew about Cas, it was that he cared more then he should.

6-7

{“I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but I do want to help.” Couldn’t that be enough for Dean? Cas had a war to worry about, he didn’t have time for this. Yet he was helping Dean anyway, because- no. Shut it down. Yet he was helping Dean anyway. Wasn’t that enough? Aren’t I enough?

{“Of course. Your problems always come first.” Coming from anyone else, Dean would think that was sarcasm, but this was Cas. Plus, the look the angel gave him... well, he was pretty sure Cas was being honest. The guy had a war to fight, and he was still helping them. Dean felt a twinge of guilt, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it, because Cas was already gone. Fricking angels.

Caged Heat

{“I learned that from the pizza man.” Dean couldn’t help but stare at Cas and the demon he had just been making out with. Since when has he been interested in that stuff? He watches Cas smooth a hand over swollen lips. An odd burning sensation roots itself in Dean’s stomach. Suddenly, he wants to strangle Meg. Because she’s a demon, probably, he tells himself. It’s just instinct.

My Heart Will Go On

{“You have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you?” Dean’s brain wisely decided to shut down at that. When Balthazar left, the only thing he let himself think was Cas’s coat isn’t dirty. The other thoughts-well they weren’t so much thoughts as half formed screams and fast heartbeats-he pushed to the back of his mind to be taken out and examined never.

{“You need new friends Cas.”

“I’m trying to save the ones I have, Dean.” It’s always strange to call Dean his friend. The word friend encompasses so much to humans, everything from ‘this person makes me happy’ to ‘I don’t want to live without you.’ Humanity is still fascinating. Cas will keep Dean safe. It is his priority, always. This person makes me happy.

{“50000 new souls for your war machine.” As fate talks, Cas can only be grateful that the Winchesters can’t hear her. If they knew... well, it wouldn’t be pretty. Dean takes trust so seriously. Cas has the odd feeling that he is digging himself into a hole. This is the only way, he thinks. Lie, beat Raphael, keep them in your life. Simple enough. He stops Balthazar from stabbing fate, because her sisters would come after the Winchesters, and he can’t have that. As time unfreezes, and Cas watches Dean startle awake back into his own timeline, green eyes flying open, he realizes something terrifying. He is an entity, an eldritch being millions of years old. He has known Dean for less then a fraction of his immortal life and yet... I don’t want to live without you.

18-19

{“I think you call him when you need something.” Rachel’s words cut deeper then they should. Dean considers Cas the best friend he’s ever had, but their life means friendship is built in the middle of life threatening situations. There was another thought too, buried deep. At least needing something gives me an excuse. At least if he doesn’t show up I can pretend he doesn’t want to help, not he doesn’t want to see me. It’s strange to need an excuse to talk to someone, but Dean can’t help it. Instead of studying either of these revelations, he denies what this angel has said, and resumes arguing with her.

{“There are millions of lives at stake here not just two!” Even as Cas says it, he feels the weight of his words on his own actions. How many people had he sacrificed to save two recently? Cas doesn’t stop Dean from leaving with the children. He could have, but he knows how hypocritical it would be. The greater good doesn’t always mean everything, he reasons.

{When Cas gets his powers back, the first thing he does (well, after smiting all the monsters in the diner) is heal Dean. The bite on his neck vanishes as Cas places a hand on Dean’s shoulder. He tells himself it is for grounding purposes, but he knows he doesn’t need to touch someone to heal them. He also knows he doesn’t usually want to. He also knows that he’s had to use the word usually instead of always a lot more since he met Dean.

The Man Who Would Be King

{“But Cas, you’ll call right? If you get into real trouble?” There is more Dean wants to say, but he can’t. Usually they would be hunting Crowley together, but Sam and Bobby think Cas-their Cas, who has saved their lives more times then he can count-might be working with the king of Hell. It’s ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. And yet... his instincts are telling him they’re right. He always goes with his gut, but with Cas... there’s something in his heart straining against it. Innocent until proven guilty, he thinks stubbornly. As Cas teleports away, Dean wishes he could believe the angel will call if he has to, but he has a feeling those words will be ignored.

{“I still considered myself the Winchester’s guardian. After all, they taught me how to stand up, what to stand for.” As he goes over the story in his head, Cas thinks about what else he’s learned from them. From Dean. How to smile, how to cry. How to feel so much and then repress it like your life depends on it. How to love.

{“This is Cas guys!” Dean knows it’s a weak argument, but they don’t know the guy like he does. He thinks of Cas saying “profound bond” and realizes it’s true. Sam and Bobby weren’t there in Hell. They weren’t there sitting on that park bench, or in that bar. They didn’t sit in the Impala afterwards, actually laughing for the first time in years. Dean blinks a few times. There is an emotion hovering at the surface of his mind that he does not want to look at too closely right now.

{“Where were you when I needed to hear it?”

“I was there. Where were you?” There are tears in Dean’s eyes as he looks at Cas over the fire. I hurt him again, he thinks numbly. Sam and Dean don’t understand the stakes of the war in heaven is all. They don’t understand that this betrayal was necessary. But as Cas looks at Dean, his certainty wavers. It feels like the moment before he chose to stop Lucifer, except this time he is already in the wrong, and it is too late, and he hurt Dean.

{“I’m doing this for you Dean. I’m doing this because of you.” Dean stares at the angel in front of him. Cas is always saying shit like this, but this time it’s a lie and they both know it. Has it always been a lie? What were his real motives? Of course he wasn’t always doing this stuff for me. I was stupid to believe it. His father’s words ring in his head. Useless. Pathetic. Cas betrayed them. Cas betrayed him, and it hurts like hell.

{“Next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family.” It feels like a knife, sliding below Cas’s layers of self righteousness and belief and inserting itself into his chest. He stops breathing. Dean did legitimately care about him, and now he’s gone and burned it all down. What choice did I have? He thinks desperately. It is too late now.

Let It Bleed

{“I do everything that you ask, I always come when you call, and I am your friend.” Dean wishes he could accept that. All he wants is to hug Cas and tell him it’s okay, and have everything go back to normal. But Cas betrayed them, and now Lisa and Ben are in danger, and Dean feels like he’s falling through the floor.

{“I wish this changed anything.”

“I know. Me too.” He ruined it. Castiel, the broken angel, the fallen angel. Whatever he might have had with Dean he ruined it like he ruined everything else. It feels like a black hole opening up inside him. He feels something on his face, and lifts a shaky hand to touch his cheeks. They are wet. Just keep going. All you can do now is defeat Raphael. Now you have no reason not to. Now you will do what you must. Dean clearly doesn’t care anymore, so there is nothing holding Cas back.

The Man Who Knew Too Much

{“we were family once. I’d have died for you. I almost did a few times. I’ve lost Lisa, I’ve lost Ben, I’ve lost Sam. Don’t make me lose you too.” It was the closest Dean could come to saying what he meant, which was please, I need you here. He thought he saw Cas’s expression waver for a moment, but then the angel steeled himself and Dean felt a sinking sensation. He knew it-whatever it was or had been-was over before Cas opened his mouth.

{“You’re not my family Dean. I have no family.” He almost choked on the words as he said them. It was true, he told himself. Dean wasn’t family, he never would be. He was just a human. He is more than family, whispers the traitorous part of himself that had made him betray Heaven for this one human. But Cas sees his words hit Dean like a javelin, and he knows there is no going back. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

{All the souls from purgatory are in Cas, and he remembers why he wasn’t supposed to fall. This is his destiny.

{As Castiel tells them to kneel or die, Dean remembers why he’s been scared to fly since forever. There’s always a crash.

Then all hell-well, all Purgatory breaks loose, and neither of them have time to get lost in memories.

#destiel #supernatural #spn #deancas #castiel #supernatural thoughts #spn thoughts #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #deancas fic #deancas fanfic #spn season 6 #supernatural season 6 #the man who would be king

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vakarians-babe · 4 years

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Because I’m still in hyperfixation mode and I just finished replaying the og Mass Effect trilogy at midnight, have a lil essay on why Shakarian (at least how I’ve played it) breaks me every time! Essay under the cut, bc it’s longer than I ever intended lmao

I’ll start by saying I play as femShep, with the Earthborn and Sole Survivor backgrounds, as the infiltrator class (main weapon is sniper) My canon Shep is named Anais and follows much of the Paragon track. So, ME1. There’s Anais, fresh out of what she thinks is the biggest failure of her career since Akuze. Nihlus is dead and so are almost all of the colonists and Jenkins. It’s kind of raw, but she’s determined to do things her way—the ‘right’ way. No one left behind, no unnecessary sacrifices; you do what you can to save everyone, not enact an arithmetic of death. She’s a little older than Garrus (my canon is 27 at the beginning of ME1, while Garrus is 25), who is this brash, angry proponent of ‘justice’ as he sees it, and she recognizes a little bit of her own pain and her own motivations in him as he tells her how desperately he wants to take Saren down. Throughout the game, from Feros and Noveria to Virmire and Ilos, she does her best to teach him that you don’t take shortcuts. You don’t let your anger lead the direction of your scope. It’s the encounter with Dr. Saleon that really hits some of that home for Garrus, because he’s let his thirst for vengeance for /himself/ rather than justice for the victims take over, and she helps him see that. When she has to choose between Kaidan and Ashley, it destroys her, but she does it, and for once Garrus gives her a little comfort, because he sees now /why/ she never wanted to choose. By the time they’re at the final showdown on the Citadel, the two are incredibly close. Garrus respects her, Anais respects him and cares deeply for this friend. And Garrus maybe even adores her (her hair is nice and her waist is very supportive, after all) in a way that he denies.

And then Anais dies. Garrus is at CSec, working on reforms and making sure the processes are about taking care of people and trying to flush out corruption. It flashes across nearly every vidscreen in the room: SSV NORMANDY ATTACKED. COMMANDER SHEPARD LOST. Garrus has to watch, then, as Anais is lauded for a few months, and then swept under the rug. It’s like this force of nature never even existed for so many others, but not for him. Corruption continues in CSec, his efforts earn him reprimands, and it all becomes too much. He hands in his badge and goes to Omega. Builds up his band of comrades, just like Shepard. He fights for normal people, to give them better lives and to keep the bullies off their backs. Just like Shepard. But Sidonis is there, and eventually he betrays them all. Garrus, now Archangel, is devastated. He’s tried so hard to hold onto what Anais had taught him, and now, at the same age she was when she died, he’s ready for one last battle, with all of the gangs of Omega, and he doesn’t care if he dies, because there’ll be less bullies in the world and the only collateral damage will be him. He’s already lost his team, he won’t let there be anyone else left behind, no others unnecessarily sacrificed. He may be dealing in an arithmetic of death, but it’s about how many he can take out before he goes.

Instead, someone breaks through the gangs’ lines. Someone with a build and a gate and a way of sniping on the move that is so familiar to Garrus, but he can’t let himself believe it. Lots of people have dark hair and big noses (but he still remembers what she looked like, two years ago, and he knows its her even though he tells himself it’s not). But suddenly she’s there, and it’s his chance to be cool and show her how he’s grown, and she does look exactly the same up close, except for these lingering scars. When the gunship takes him down briefly, he thinks it’s ironic that now they even share facial scars.

As they catch up, Garrus starts to realize how much /he’s/ grown. They’re the same age now, he keeps reminding himself, because Anais is still 27, and two years spent as little more than cells in a lab don’t include birthdays. Anais is seeing it too, and part of her is sad, because she knows Garrus has been through so much to make him the way he is. The loss of his team hurts her. But Garrus is tougher than she expected, and he took her lessons to heart, even if he’s interpreted some of them in his own ways. As Anais feels more hopeless, pulled more deeply into Cerberus and into a way of things that she doesn’t like, she finds herself forced to be angry. To choose some of the options she might not have chosen before. Her scars are mostly healed, and the strange light has left them, but her face is still newly knitted flesh. It’s Garrus who tries to soften Anais now, because in those two years he’s gained an understanding of hope and hopelessness that he never had before.

When the chance comes to catch up with Sidonis, the two of them find themselves snapping back towards who they were that day so long ago on the Citadel. Garrus, despite his losses, is angry again. /He/ wants vengeance, though he tells himself it’s justice for his /squad/. Anais knows she can’t let him do it, because sole survivors will always blame themselves in the end, and when Sidonis is gone, only the self hate and the feelings of failure will remain. So she stops him. And when he asks her “what do you want from me, Shepard?” she shatters inside, because she realizes suddenly that somehow, she’s falling in love with him, and she knows how he feels. She felt that way on Akuze, felt that way when she faced her commanding officer, felt that way about herself when she failed her team. She wants him to stop blaming himself, but that’s so much to ask.

But he does realize that, deep down. When she looks at him with all the pain of experience, he knows in that moment that she has blamed herself for years, and it’s what she’s afraid will happen to him. It’s the start of something new for Garrus, and he finally listens to those little feelings inside him whenever he sees Anais tying up her waist-length hair, or smiling softly in the corner of the mess hall, or surreptitiously buying a new model ship or fish or hamster. They start to flirt, slowly, both of them pretending this is just a friendship with a little more when they know it isn’t.

The Batarian relay is even worse for Anais than Horizon was. She knows exactly how many people she tried to save, and who died anyway. She listened to Dr. Kenson, and it’s all her fault. But Garrus stops, he stands in front of her, and he tells her quietly that she /tried/ and she knows she has to stop pretending she only sees him as a friend, because she loves him completely. He doesn’t know when he stopped pretending to himself anymore.

The Collector Base is terrifying, for both of them. The final journey to and through the Omega Four relay is one they spend tangled up, sometimes awkward, but always right. Despite what’s coming, that time in the loft is theirs. When Anais leaves Garrus as the leader of the second squad, they both know it’s because she trusts him and his skills completely, more completely than anybody on the team, save perhaps Miranda or Tali. They both wish she didn’t have to. But they win, and they all make it out of the Suicide Mission unscathed. The goodbye is impossibly hard, but neither one of them can bring themselves to say the three words they want to say. Garrus goes back to Palaven, where he’s promoted. Anais faces her trial on Earth. They both kick themselves for the things they never said.

The final coming of the Reapers shakes Anais. She can’t help but think of Garrus, on Palaven, as the reports start drifting in while they fly to Mars. And then she finds him, on that moon, and he’s whole and he’s alive and he’s there and she wants to blurt it out (he does too). They’re both amazed afterwards by how easy it is to resume things, and by how much more open it feels. Though neither of them say anything, they know what’s changed. They know it’s really for real. They’re on more even footing now, with Anais choosing more Renegade options than she would a year ago but still trying to do what’s right, and Garrus refusing to cut corners, even though he makes hard choices. When she cures the Genophage, Garrus is in awe at how easy the decision is for her. When she saves the Geth /and/ the Quarians, Garrus doesn’t know how she /exists/. Somewhere along the way, he realizes he would die for her. And when they sneak up to the presidium roof and she misses her shot, Garrus knows she did it on purpose, because Commander Anais Shepard can hit a traveling Banshee between the eyes. Anais thinks it’s her secret and she’ll never tell him. But what she really wants is to say she loves him.

As the nightmares get worse for Anais, Garrus does what he can to make things easier. He cleans her guns for her, when she’s not looking or thinking. He brings food up to her cabin, to force her to eat when she sits there just looking at the reports from the Battlespace, watching the casualty lists scroll across the screen of her personal communicator. She always takes him on her missions, when she can. And when she comforts him about his family, he wants to come undone right there in the gun battery. He doesn’t.

They both have a feeling that one of them won’t make it out of this. Despite the numbers, despite those readiness ratings, there’s that fear. All the talk of turian/human babies and of adopting is just a blind hope for the two of them. But god, do they want that future. They want to live off of the royalties from the vids and grow old and gray and be able to remember with amazement how they once were able to barrel roll and fight Brutes without arthritis pain stopping them.

The run to the beam, that headlong, dead-out sprint, is full of panic. Anais trips more than once as she glances over her shoulder for Garrus. He grips her under her shoulders and yanks her to her feet like a ragdoll, setting her gently onto her feet each time. When the beam hits the Mako, and it rolls over in the explosion, Anais thinks she’s lost everything. The Crucible doesn’t matter if Garrus is gone, because there’s no Shepard without Vakarian. Even though he’s heavy, so much heavier than her, she drags him to the bay doors of the Normandy. And because she thinks this is the last chance, because she doesn’t know which one of them will live, she finally tells him she loves him. As he fights back tears, he says it back. And then the doors close and she’s gone.

With the Citadel so fully alien and terrifying, Anais tries to think only of him. Only of what they might name their first kid. Would they adopt? She knows that their DNA isn’t compatible. But they could always try something. Maybe they’d be Krios, for Thane, or Kaidy, for Kaidan. Standing in front of the Illusive Man, feeling the threads of indoctrination in her head, it’s the thought of returning to Garrus that lets her break free, just for a moment, to pull the trigger. It’s not enough to save Anderson. Maybe their child will be named David. With unfeeling fingers, Anais arms the Crucible. She can’t rid the world of synthetics--Edi and the Geth are just as alive as they are--but there will be no dominating the reapers. She hopes everyone will understand as she chooses Synthesis. And then she lets go. She’s sure she’s died.

But the next day, when the dust has settled somewhat, and the crew of the Normandy are gathered around their memorial wall, Garrus feels differently. It’s amazing, how when they were together and saying their goodbyes he was sure he wouldn’t see her again. But now, even when those around them are sure that Commander Shepard, /the/ Commander Shepard, is dead, he knows she’s not. She died once, after all, and that didn’t stop her. Besides, her cybernetic augmentation is designed to heal her.

And while Garrus stands there, hoping, Anais takes a breath on that wreckage.

#sorry for the feelings spam #garrus #garrus vakarian #shepard x garrus #shakarian #custom shepard #femShep #Mass Effect #Mass Effect 2 #Mass Effect 3 #Anais Shepard #literally this ended up being so long how did that happen

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theoracleparadox · 3 years

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WIP Wednesday: Andromeda gets caught in her lies... again

The elevator soon came to a stop and Ackers led the way out. Andromeda presumed it was the same floor where the king's office was, although there was nothing different about this floor compared to any other. It was when she spotted two sentry Glaives standing at attention outside of a door that she knew they had arrived. They barely acknowledged Ackers before he knocked on the door, then opened it for Andromeda to walk through.

She entered cautiously, letting Ackers take the lead again. No one sat at the large desk; it was only when she glanced about the room that she spotted Regis standing by one of the large windows. He had taken notice of them when the door had opened. His Shield wasn't present.

Ackers bowed to the king, and Andromeda followed his movement. She still felt awkward with this formal etiquette, but at least she had the privilege of not speaking unless spoken to.

“Thank you, Ackers,” Regis moved away from the window and towards his desk. “Please wait outside.”

The Crownsguard left silently. The king sat at his desk as the door clicked shut, leaning his cane next to his chair. Andromeda sank into one of the chairs in front of the desk. As expensive as the chairs must have been, they were very uncomfortable.

“I hear you've had an interesting night so far,” Regis began, giving a gentle smile. It didn't make her feel any better.

“So far,” Andromeda mumbled.

This was going to be different from the previous meeting. It already was different without Amicita present—that fact made her feel just a little bit better. There was something about him and Leonis that only made her more guarded. They could tell truth from lies, but wouldn't believe the truth. Andromeda had no desire to be honest with them.

As it was, the night's events must have gotten Elshett in trouble with Leonis, and therefore it was what this meeting would be about. Andromeda felt her actions had been innocent enough. Regardless, she had left Elshett's sight for five minutes. A lot could happen in five minutes. It had clearly bothered the Crownsguard, and no doubt her superiors. None of them would understand why it was necessary.

“I've thought over what you said,” Regis went on. “Of course, it's only made more questions. You haven't been straightforward with us.”

This had nothing to do with the gathering. It was must worse than a chastisement for attempting to run away (which she hadn't been). Andromeda had been more honest here than she had ever been in Niflheim. The punishment for her lies would be worse here: she had lied to the king directly, rather than just his underlings. The Imperials had always threatened to hurt Linda if Andromeda wouldn't cooperate, but the Lucians actually had the power to do so. Linda was safe and happy here; the king could take that all away from her, because of Andromeda's lies.

“You know more than you say,” The king's smile faded. At least the cordial pretenses would be dropped. He had been able to see through her lies, too. “More than you should know, and about things you couldn't have found out about on your own. What do you know of the Accursed?”

Andromeda looked at the desk rather than him. “Not much. Just that he possesses magic, and he has some control over Ifrit.”

Ardyn was also full of the Scourge, so much so that he shouldn't be surviving. Andromeda had felt only a little bit of it—two winters ago, he had passed some of that infection on to her. She had gotten a glimpse of just how infected he was, yet he was somehow able to hide it. The only reason he could be alive at all was due to his status as the Accursed, a title Bahamut used that alluded to Ardyn's part in the coming prophecy. The Scourge had nothing to do with Verstael's experimenting.

Mentioning all that would create too many of the wrong questions. The Lucians didn't even have a clue that Andromeda could also heal Starscourge. Knowing how they revered the Oracle here, admitting to that power would cause a backlash. They would accuse her of being an impostor.

“He has a lot of power in the Imperial government,” Andromeda added. “He does whatever he wants.”

“So you were close to him,” Regis noted.

“I saw him once or twice before the final encounter,” She lied, despite being caught in her previous lies. “He was upset when I used my power. But he's just Bahamut's pawn.”

“You have also spoken with the Draconian more than either of you will admit,” The king acknowledged, moving on. Andromeda thought that would upset him, as only he was supposed to communicate with Bahamut, but he only seemed more curious. “He was the one who told you about the Accursed. But why?”

She didn't answer. Regis ought to have known that was a question for Bahamut. She didn't want to go into what had been spoken between her and the god. It mattered little at the moment.

“He's not the only Astral you have encountered,” He continued. “You must have seen others, for the power you possess and how much you know.”

Andromeda still remained silent. He wasn't wrong, but he also wouldn't know of Etro. Even if she had once been the patron deity of his family, countless generations ago. She had never found a book that mentioned her.

“You're protecting someone,” Her silence didn't deter Regis, but he always waited for a response. Unfortunately, they were on a topic she couldn't easily lie about. “No one outside of the royal lines is supposed to possess magic, unless a king bestows magic onto them, of course. Your magic is not something I've sense before. It's old, dark, and intense.”

It was the first time anyone had claimed to sense Etro's Blessing. It made sense that one magic user should pick up on another's power, though. Regis was onto something, and Andromeda didn't particularly like it.

“I am not your enemy,” He insisted when she still said nothing. “I want to help. I am not bound by Bahamut's will.”

“I don't need your help,” Andromeda asserted. The last thing she had wanted was the king involving himself. He didn't look as though he could offer much help: he was old and used up. He was just a prattling fool, only a little smarter than the Emperor.

Yet Regis was one of the few people that knew the prophecy so well—much more than the Imperials thought they knew, and they were not involved in it. Which reminded Andromeda of one facet she didn't know anything about: who was the Chosen King?

It was the king's turn to be silent for a moment, taken aback by her quick remark. Something seemed to dawn on him as he thought for a moment. “There's a seventh god, isn't there?”

Andromeda was silent again. How had he managed to guess in three days what took Niflheim months to witness? It was surprising that the thought would even occur to him; it went against everything the world was taught about its origin in the Cosmogony. Only a fool would consider there to be a seventh Astral, but apparently Regis was not enough of a fool to blindly believe what the canonical Six have asserted for eons.

She wouldn't confirm nor deny his question. Either option was dangerous.

He interpreted her silence as a confirmation of his theory. “You did die that day in Tenebrae, and the god resurrected you. That is who you're protecting.”

Whether she was honest or told a lie didn't seem to matter; Regis knew he had it figured out. Yet if Andromeda kept quiet, he wouldn't be able to think of more questions to ask. At least, that was what she hoped.

“You're safe here in the city,” He assured. He must have known she wanted to leave, and soon—she hadn't exactly been hiding that. Andromeda knew better than to believe the city's walls were impenetrable.

“It's just another cage,” She commented. The king wanted her to remain in his city and never use her powers again. A couple of years ago, she would have been content with that, but it would have just as soon been proven impossible. She wasn't afraid of her powers anymore. They were too useful to not be used at all.

“The Empire will never stop in their pursuit of you,” Regis warned.

“I know,” Andromeda was unbothered by it. “Keeping me here will only cause them to target the city directly. Your walls aren't enough to keep them out. Besides, like it or not, Bahamut has made us enemies. He won't tolerate my being here much longer.”

Especially not so if Etro tried to reach her. The goddess would not enter the city unless it was very important. The last they had spoken, she had warned that the days of the prophecy were quickly approaching. Andromeda felt she had already given all that she could to the king.

Regis hadn't spoken deliberately about the prophecy, but he had alluded to it enough times. The Chosen King had come from his line—he had a son somewhere in the Citadel. Did Regis know that his son was going to be sacrificed?

“We have nothing to do with the prophecy,” Andromeda stated directly, rather than the alluding they had been doing thus far. “We won't help one way or the other.”

Her tone had a finality to it as she revealed just how much she knew. Was that what he was hoping for? Did he think the circumstances around Andromeda's survival would alter the events to come? As much as Etro despised Bahamut's prophecy, she had once admitted that she was not powerful enough to do anything about it. It was best she stayed out of it—the Six had already banished her once.

“You make a strong argument,” Regis acknowledged once he was over his surprise at her sudden confidence. “Though I assure you, we are not enemies. I understand why you may think that. It's clear to everyone that you are not comfortable here. But if I release you, you will not be protected from the Empire.”

“I can handle it,” She wondered if he would truly consider letting her go. Lucis had its own magic, and therefore no need for hers. There wasn't any Scourge in the city. It wasn't as though they had protected her before.

“What of your family?”

“All I wanted to know is that my aunt is here and happy. She's the one that needs protecting.” Andromeda explained. She still did not expect to see her again, and was content with that. It was for the best.

Regis thought for a moment with a frown. “I'll consider it. You may go. Officer Ackers is waiting outside.”

Trying to keep her relief from showing, Andromeda stood from the chair. She bowed, recalling what she had seen Elshett and Ackers do. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

Not a moment later, she was closing the door behind herself. The Glaives stirred slightly and Ackers was surprised by her sudden appearance. She assumed they had all stood guard the whole time. From the looks of it, Ackers was not a very interesting person. He began leading her down the hall, towards the elevators again.

“Coffee?” He offered.

Andromeda shook her head. “I'm ready to call it a night.”

She had been ready before the king decided that he needed to speak with her immediately. It had already been late when she and Elshett came back to the Citadel; she didn't know how long that meeting had gone on for. It didn't leave much time left for Andromeda to dreamwalk. She already felt too exhausted to accomplish much.

Once at the elevators, they went down a couple of floors. It wasn't a long walk before they came across a door guarded by a Glaive, which Andromeda was beginning to recognize as her room. She hoped she didn't have many more nights left of her stay.

After a brief good night, she was finally alone. As much as she wanted to just crawl into bed, she took a shower first as a way to relax after everything that had happened.

Andromeda still expected some trouble from the gathering in the Galahdian neighborhood. Why else did Elshett have to rush off to speak with Leonis as soon as they returned to the Citadel? She hoped Elshett wasn't in too much trouble with her superiors for her little stunt. Leonis and Amicita weren't pleasant men.

In speaking with the king alone, Andromeda had been more honest with him than she had wanted to be. At the same time, though, she had to admit that it hadn't been as bad as she had thought it would be. Lucis wasn't Niflheim. Regis might listen to her—even if she had said some things he hadn't wanted to hear.

Keeping the shower short, Andromeda finally flopped down onto the bed. She felt her exhaustion even more intensely. Still thinking back to her meeting with the king, she decided to just go to sleep.

#wip wednesday #my fanfic #I already finished this chapter #I can finally go over what's already written and fix up the rest of the fic #hmmm why does this scene feel so familiar?

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magicmastered · 5 years

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Plot Holes in Infinity War

If you don’t want to see criticism of Infinity War, I suggest that you don’t read/filter your tags/block me.

Now.

Avengers: Infinity War is one of Marvel’s biggest movies, being among the longest MCU movies and quite successful in the box office. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean it’s a great movie. The storyline that calls itself a plot is smashed together in whatever manner makes a few specific scenes happen. That style of writing has its trademarks—plots that could almost be used as cheesecloth. I’m not kidding; there’s tons of them. Some are within the movie. Some fly in the face of the rest of the MCU.

Here’s all the plot holes that I can think of. After the first couple scenes the chronological order gets messed up a little, but here goes.

1. Starting at the beginning here. So...Loki has the Tesseract. Why didn’t he use it to make a portal to get the Asgardian refugees out (or as many as he can, anyway)? We know he can use it. Why didn’t they just start a ship-chase to buy a little time and use that time to evacuate?

2. So, Loki knows Thanos, right? He’d know Thanos’ M.O. Wouldn’t he know that Thanos would go for Thor? Why not stuff Thor in his pocket dimension beforehand? Did Thanos and the Black Order block him from doing that? That’s not what I remember seeing. Loki was standing off sort of on his own at the very beginning of the scene.

3. Where has the Hulk been? Yes, “we have a Hulk” is a cool callback and it looks good as an entrance, but wouldn’t a Hulk be good to have when Thanos and the Black Order were slaughtering the Asgardian refugees? Why was he staying back the whole time? It doesn’t make sense. If he hadn’t been staying back, Thanos and co. would’ve known about him, and the surprise-attack wouldn’t have been a surprise. Was he just sitting on his butt listening to the refugees dying until he heard the words “we have a Hulk”?

4. Once Hulk does attack, Loki dives for Thor and drops the Tesseract. What. Why not just hold onto the Tesseract, grab Thor, and portal out of there? Wouldn’t that make more sense than dropping it for someone else (Ebony Maw) to pick up?

5. Heimdall. Why does Heimdall rescue the Hulk instead of Thor, Loki, or both? He’s known Hulk for maybe a day or two. He’s known Thor and Loki for over a thousand years. What’s going on with that? Why does he save the one he just met as opposed to the ones he’s known since their infancy?

6. More about Heimdall. Since when has he been able to summon the Bifrost? This is a major point of TDW. If Heimdall had been able to summon the Bifrost without the actual structure, Thor and co. wouldn’t have had to break Loki out of prison. How can he suddenly do it now? Why hasn’t he used it before?

7. Where did Loki go during the Hulk-vs-Thanos fight? He disappears after going for Thor for several minutes. Where to? I know people have brought this up before, but I want to know.

8. Why doesn’t he stay there? He’s stuck in a ship with five people who’ve just killed half the refugees his risked his life to rescue, who’d be more than happy to kill him (at best), and they’re more or less ignoring his presence where he currently is. Why go out and deliberately draw their attention?

9. Loki attacking Thanos at all. What is Loki doing?! He knows Thanos better than any other protagonist on that ship. He just saw Thanos beat Hulk one-on-one. Why does he think this is something he should do?!

10. More on that stupid, stupid attack. Loki’s got plenty of powers and abilities. Super-strength, durability, insane reflexes, freaky intelligence, combat skills, ice manipulation, illusions, invisibility, teleportation (this is canon, check out Thor: Heroes and Villains), shapeshifting, telekinesis, off the top of my head. I probably forgot something. Loki overpowered Odin. He has all this and likely more at his disposal, and he attacks Thanos with what? A knife. One knife that barely reaches Thanos’s throat.

11. Another thing about this attack. Considering the above, he probably knew he was going to die. So why did he do it? People say that he was sacrificing himself for Thor. Except...him dying wouldn’t have stopped Thanos at all. Thanos could’ve just killed Thor after Loki’s death. Loki dying or Loki being alive wouldn’t change a thing. And besides, Thanos all but did that anyway when he blew up the ship.

12. Thanos killing Loki. The Russos said that Thanos killed Loki for ‘disobedience’. Presumably this means Loki’s ‘disobedience’ in Avengers (2012). But...death is not what Thanos (or his underling the Other, rather) threatened Loki with for failure/disobedience. The threat was, “if you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon or crevice where he can’t find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something sweet as pain.” That is...not death. Definitely not what Thanos actually did.

13. Still more on Thanos killing Loki. Let’s look at the insane stuff Loki’s survived so far: falling into an unstable wormhole (in the prequel comics, Odin claims that this should have scattered Loki across the universe), a year of torture from Thanos, getting thrashed by the Hulk (who’s nearly as strong as Thanos), taking a sword through his chest and back, and getting knocked out of the Bifrost (note that Thor seems somewhat surprised with his “you’re alive!” in Ragnarok). And now apparently getting his neck broken is going to kill him.

14. Okay, finally done with the first scene. How did Heimdall know about the Sanctum? How did he know to send Bruce/Hulk there? How did he know about Strange? Thor and Loki didn’t know that Earth had wizards in Ragnarok. How does Heimdall know? Did they tell him? When? They’ve been pretty busy.

15. Dr. Strange keeps a list of threats, but he doesn’t know about Thanos. He doesn’t even seem to know that a threat so large exists. I suppose this could be a case of Thanos simply never having been to Earth, but it still seems off. Wouldn’t Strange at least know that there’s something huge out there? Given that the Masters of the Mystic Arts know about beings around the multiverse and all.

16. How does Bruce know so much about Thanos and the Infinity Stones, or that Thanos sent Loki? He knows what Thanos does. He knows that Thanos is after the Stones. How? No one tells him this stuff onscreen. Was there some mysterious conversation somewhere between Ragnarok and Infinity War where everyone shared all the information that they had? Wouldn’t they have been busy organizing the refugees in the ship/finding quarters for everyone/figuring out how to get food and water for the trip? You know, stuff that’d seem more immediately relevant?

17. How does Thor know that the Aether was on Knowhere? This is never discussed onscreen. I’m seriously suspecting that info-dump conversation. But still, why were they having an info-dump conversation? Wouldn’t the things mentioned in item 15 be more immediate concerns? It’s not like they all knew that they were about to need this information.

18. Thanos’s plan and “making sense”. No plot-hole list of IW would be complete without this. Thanos believes that there is too much life in the universe for its resources to sustain. For the sake of argument alone, I’ll assume that he’s correct for the duration of this point on the list. Thanos has decided that in order to save all life in the universe, he needs the Infinity Stones to “balance” the ratio of life to resources. Okay, that’s fairly logical. He can do anything with the Infinity Stones. Here comes the weird part. He decides that the only way to “balance” the universe is to kill half of all life...including (according to the Russos) plants and animals. AKA resources. Remember, he’s devoted decades at minimum to the development of this plan. And this is the best he can come up with. He’s got unlimited power. Couldn’t he use the Space and Reality Stones to move beings around to other planets with more resources? Couldn’t he use the Reality Stone to make more resources? No, gotta kill half the life he’s ‘trying to save’ and the resources they use as well. That doesn’t change the ratio at all. It doesn’t accomplish his stated goal.

19. Gamora. How does Gamora know what the Soul Stone is? The Collector had to explain Infinity Stones to her as well as the rest of the Guardians in GOTG Vol 1. So how would she know what the Soul Stone was, let alone where it was?

20. What exactly did Thanos do to the Zen-Whoberi (I think that’s how you spell Gamora’s species)? In IW, Thanos says that the remaining population of her planet is thriving. However, in GOTG Vol 1, it’s stated onscreen that Gamora’s the last of her species. Did Thanos kill all the Zen-Whoberi or half of them? If the latter, did the other half die off because—gasp!—his plan hadn’t worked on their planet? In that case, is Thanos just even more massively deluded than I previously thought, is he lying, or is it someone else who’s thriving on Gamora’s home-world?

21. How did Steve, Sam, and Nat wind up exactly where Wanda and Vision needed them to be? They’d moved quite a bit from their initial location during the fight with Proxima and Corvus. I know, I’m nitpicking, but still.

22. How does Nat, an unpowered but skilled human, manage to overpower Corvus Glaive, a member of the Black Order who’s presumably far stronger and also highly skilled? Yeah, she took him by surprise, but it shouldn’t have been easy at the very least.

23. Steve denying Vision the choice to sacrifice himself. As others have pointed out, Steve made a very similar decision back in CA:TFA. He chose to dive a plane into the ocean, which would—he thought—kill him, to save many lives. Now, Vision’s decided that Wanda should destroy the Mind Stone in his forehead, which would kill him, to save many more lives. Why is Steve denying Vision the ability to make the choice that he made himself? (Hint: It’s so they can have a cool-looking final battle to save Vision and then have him die anyway.)

24. Speaking of destroying the Mind Stone. Isn’t destroying Infinity Stones supposed to be impossible? This was another major point in TDW. Jane only came across the Aether (Reality Stone) in that movie because there was no way to destroy it and Bor had to settle for hiding it. Malekith gets the Aether because they still couldn’t destroy it. Infinity Stones are either indestructible or they’re not. Which is it?

25. “We don’t trade lives,” says Steve, right before he decides to trade hundreds if not thousands of Wakandan lives to save the life of his friend (who’d already decided that he wanted to sacrifice himself). Um, what?

26. T’Challa agreeing to risk his countrymen is iffy. He’s agreeing to send hundreds (if not thousands) or his people to their deaths to save one person with a lengthy, experimental procedure. And again, that one person has already voiced the opinion that they should just destroy the Mind Stone while they still can, whether it kills him or not. Wouldn’t T’Challa respect that decision, especially since it’s the one that saves the most lives?

27. When the Titan crew pins Thanos, why are they just trying to take the gauntlet off his hand? Tony at least has been in/witnessed (it’s been a while since I saw IM3) a fight that involved cutting off the villain’s hand. Wouldn’t he have thought of this during the planning stage? They could’ve stuck Thanos’ wrist through one of Dr. Strange’s portals and cut it off. No gauntlet, no snap.

28. How does Thor know to come to Wakanda? I get that he knows there are Infinity Stones on Earth. But last time he was on Earth, Vision was in New York, wasn’t he? How would he know that Vision was now in Wakanda? How would he know that the battle was there? Does Rocket have an Infinity Stone-sensing device? Why didn’t this come up?

29. Why did Thor go for Thanos’ chest? Thor generally goes for the head when he’s fighting. Except, of course, for this time. Why? Wouldn’t he want to make absolutely sure that Thanos was dead? (Besides so Thanos could win?)

30. If not the head, why didn’t Thor at least go for the gauntlet hand? In TDW his and Loki’s plan to deceive Malekith involved Loki pretending to cut Thor’s hand off so he couldn’t use his weapon. Wouldn’t Thor have some vague memory of the whole ‘if you remove your enemy’s weapon hand, they won’t be able to fight’ thing?

I guess it’s pretty obvious where I spent most of my time looking.

I’ve probably forgotten some, seeing as I watched this thing, what, one and a half times last year, when it came out and shortly afterwards. Any additions?

@lucianalight @lokiloveforever @philosopherking1887 @mastreworld

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thememcry · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent ( potentially ) / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. (apparently there are youtube comments circulating about how boring or weak aerith is. if an explanation needs be provided for how strong of a woman, character, and fighter she is in her own regard then the point of the character is missed entirely.)

Are they underrated? YES / NO.

Were they relevant to the main story? YES / NO.

Were they relevant to the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. (the big baddies know of her, the little baddies know to look for her and the heroes just learned of why she’s important).

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?

it depends entirely on the person / character i’m writing and what verse they’re in. when someone approaches me and doesn’t specify a verse i give them main verse (ff7r) and follow canon as closely as i’d like. but most of my threads diverge from canon for exploration or other purposes. i’m not concerned with how close to canon my aerith is ------obviously i’d like people to hear her voice when i have her speak, or see her performing the actions i have her commit to but i’d also like this interpretation to be my own. so when someone reads a piece of my writing they say oh yes, that’s kay’s aerith definitely.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutual.

i could make an entire post about all of the things i love about aerith gainsborough on its own, so i’ll try not to let this be too rambly.

she is such a three-dimensional character and she always has been. people expect just to meet the damsel in distress, to rely on cloud and company to help her out at every twist and turn. square even did a good job selling her appearance: soft pinks, gentle features, and when she was given a voice actor the first few times they always went the route of someone who had a lighter lilt. to the first glance she is very much all of those things. except it’s not all she is.

aerith wears masks to cover the horrendous things that happened to her as a child: experimentation, the shocking loss of her mother after escaping it, crushing loneliness, an awareness that she was different and nobody around who understood the properties of that difference to explain it to her in a way that didn’t terrify her. she heard the planet, could tell when people passed away and rejoined the lifestream, surrounded by all of these voices yet so fucking alone. and did she let it make her bitter? did she become angry or cold, jaded or cruel? no. aerith is kind and giving without being too self-sacrificing and without making her boring. she’s not as innocent as people are made to believe.

look at her first interactions with cloud. she flirts mercilessly with him, and then you discover she did it to zack, too. she’s not afraid to express herself in any fashion and she’s unapologetic about how forward and positive she is. despite all of the shitty things that happened to her, she’s still all of these great things. she’s scrappy, she can be a brat (ask the turks!) and she blooms under the cover of oppression that she lives. sure, she’s in a beautiful house with a loving mother figure but she’s in the slums and she’s being watched constantly by some part of the company that wants to see her dissected or worse.

and she’s divine. no, literally. of course it takes her death for the realization of that divinity to really be understood by the fan base and even by her own party, but once aerith dies she becomes an actual deity. it’s sad that you don’t get her in your party any more but it’s obvious how much she affected everyone she worked with (and even those she didn’t). they spend the rest of the game avenging her, they spend the rest of the game explaining their grief over her loss, promising her death won’t be in vain. and once that’s done? there’s an entire movie where cloud deals with his grief over everything, but mainly his self-appointed guilt over her death. as if he could have changed it? i mentioned to @seraphicwiing in a conversation (an au one) about sephiroth and aerith ------he didn’t kill or break her. he gifted her divinity.

so this sweet flower girl goes from a first appearance damsel in distress to an actual conduit of the planet, watching over her friends and everyone else from the spiritual plane of it. controlling the lifestream itself to rise up and crush back meteor.

if you don’t like her by this point, it’s a lost cause. honestly, just go play pacman or something.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).

maybe strong female leads aren’t your cup of tea? perhaps you really wanted aerith to maintain her softness and have none of the bite or edge that i argue make her interesting?

some people want a strong woman to be something like paine in ffx-2, or lightning in ffxiii, or even lulu in ffx itself ... dark and perhaps a bit brooding, angry with someone or something. they can be gentle but they’re mostly a razor sharp edge threatening to slice anyone who tries to get close to them. aerith is arguably a hot take on the stronger female leads ... even compared to tifa. you don’t doubt that a woman who fights with her fists is a tough, bad bitch ... but aerith isn’t physically strong. she’s the image of a princess honestly and that’s just not what some people want to see or deal with.

arguably her personality can come off a bit strong. she’s snarky and, as i said, a tease. she can be bratty from time to time and that can absolutely be read as irritating, especially to someone whose looking for negative personality traits to focus on at a first glance.

and a lot of people just see her as a love interest to cloud. and she is, i won’t deny that. it’s been further addressed in the remake with her dream sequence that cloud absolutely has feelings for her. it dredges up the age-old argument from 1997 of: tifa or aerith. why does it have to be or? why can’t he love them both in different ways? or the same way? it’s not like aerith has a lot of time to be the love interest, anyway. we all know how disc 1 ended, by this point.

perhaps people see her end-game divinity as a deus-ex mechanic. sure, it kind of it. but the game never hid its intentions of why aerith was there. she was always special, we just didn’t know how. she always had holy, we just didn’t know what it meant at the time. but it does seem a bit convenient that right as the meteor is going to crush midgar ------here comes the lifestream, holding it back so holy can stop it! wow, amazing! darn that aerith and her connection to the planet. how awful. maybe cloud could have just braver’d it.

What inspired you to rp your muse?

i love her. it’s just that simple. she’s so complex and so different from other characters i tend to gravitate toward. she has a darkness but she’s good, genuinely. i usually go for people who are deeply seeded in some kind of trauma, or are just generally a piece of shit. and aerith certainly has her trauma, but she’s risen above it. she chooses to live her life as much as she can before the ultimate doom clock ticks to 0, you know?

i admire her beauty. not just her physical beauty (and she is), but the beauty of her as a person. i wish i could be as endlessly positive as she is, even faced against such awful odds. i wish i could be the kind of person who surrounds themselves with people who love them, despite their flaws. but i am very much the opposite of aerith.

i consider myself endlessly lucky to be a mouthpiece of some kind of version of her. this is a character i’ve had a connection to since i was like, 7 or 9 (and i’m 30 now). the very fact that i get to log in every day and express some form of this wonderful character keeps me connected to her. she has a loud voice in my head, and i think she always had. i think that remake just re-lit the flame for her.

i wrote her a long time ago, during myspace rp days. but we all know how myspace ended. so i choose to write her now because it feels right. and i really do enjoy having someone who shines so brightly in my head.

What keeps your inspiration going?

the same as everyone else, i think: music, clips of the character, art of her ... but mostly? my writing partners. i wouldn’t be anywhere without the people in this site who come to me every day with an interest in my interpretation of aerith. i never expected so many lovely humans to want to see what i can do with her. but i have people dm’ing me on discord every day with ideas or thoughts, with musings or what-if’s ... and it really just keeps this muse so alive for me.

even though i have a backlog of drafts and inbox things to answer, i can know that they will get done ... it’s just up to me as a human to write things out.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO. (i’d prefer to write out a reply to a solo drabble).

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

in the proper context. i don’t want someone coming on here and telling me i play aerith wrong because it’s not what she would do canon. that’s cool, i don’t write her strictly canon. but if i’m having doubts and i ask for the feedback, i’m open to it.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

always. i am 100% always accepting development questions.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

nope. i don’t care if you agree with my headcanons or not. i’m sure there are people who don’t like that i have a ship with a sephiroth, or a reeve, or that i’ve had her mess around with rufus or biggs. i’m sure there are people who despise the way i make her speak to people ... and that’s fine. they’re allowed to. but this is my interpretation of aerith and so far i’m loving everything that i’ve gotten to do with her. especially those things that include character building with others.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

they’re allowed to disagree. they’re also not beholden to follow me. i won’t be upset if they unfollow me. it’s their comfort, after all. and i’d rather spend time on here enjoying myself than either having someone voice their dislike of my interpretation or get vocal about how they’re uncomfortable.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

people have really hated aerith since 1997. they’re allowed to have their silly opinions of her. and i’m allowed not to entertain them.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

please do. i’m human and i make mistakes. i’d love to fix them.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

yes, but i’ve had people mention that i seem a little unapproachable. please approach me. if you want to write with me let me know. if you want to chat ooc with me talk to me. i promise i’m an absolute dimwit on my side of the screen. i’m spacy but i try to be as nice and welcoming as possible. somehow i’ve conned a few friends out of this rpc already with my idiocy, so please please please come chat with me.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

#❀ ﹙ about ﹚ « poetry bleeds from ivory bones like sweet syrup »#❀ ﹙ ooc ﹚ « what did you say? »#❀ ﹙ mun ﹚ « aaaaaaaaaaaa »

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shinneth · 4 years

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6, 1, 7, 5 and 10 for the fic writer meme!

OKAY. Finally got free from the distractions. Let’s see how well I can answer these.

6. Share one of your weaknesses

Oh, I have a good amount of those. I would say my tl;dr curse (I don’t think I’ve EVER written a fic below four-figures, and very rarely does it end up 5k or lower), but I know there’s many out there who’d tell me that’s definitely a strength and that they’d love to be able to churn out six-figure epics in their sleep like I do. So let’s go with a more objective weakness.

I have the redundancy curse. I have this really, really really really really really really really bad habit of somehow reiterating a statement twice within the same sentence. Or at the very least, my verbiage will get repeated more times than it should within the same sentence (enough to the point where the sentence sounds very awkward when you read it out loud). This almost always happens because I’ll establish something at the beginning of my sentence, somehow forget about it midway through, and think I need to add it to the end.

I can’t tell you how many times I fall into that trap. Only through rereading my progress to get back into the groove to continue a chapter is when I’ll really have an opportunity to catch these slip-ups. Since I’ve never used betas and I’m pretty much fine finishing everything in one draft and all that. It’s astounding how many of these errors I’ll catch, really. And despite that, a few will always end up slipping through in the final product anyway!

It’s a very annoying quirk that I’d love to fix, but again, it almost always happens right under my nose. No matter how conscious I try to be about this sort of thing, it’ll pop up when I least expect it. So really, all I can do is just try and catch as many as I can after I’ve written my stuff down, but before I finalize my piece.

1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

I think the name of the game here is Adaptation Expansion. I focus on a character (or a small group of characters) that I feel

A) Didn’t get as much canon development as they deserved

B) Might have gotten a decently good amount of focus, but I’m seeing many unsolved mysteries/curiosities around said character(s) and many possible routes to explore any headcanons that are raging inside of me.

Or the headcanon itself is just really nagging at me, so I make a whole story dedicated to it.

In your typical Shin fic, the more Shin likes you, the more you should be afraid. Outside of having a wildly creative sadistic streak, my best ideas are usually best suited to my favorite characters, and I happen to be very big on the Earn Your Happy Ending trope. Certain series I feel kind of gave their characters a good conclusion a little too easily, and so I’ve made it my life’s mission to erase any doubt in my readers’ minds about whether or not the characters truly paid their dues to get their reward at the end.

So of course, you add that with the sadism, and that means you’re very likely to get a fic that at least somewhat leans on the dramatic end. I think the vast majority of my Fanfiction.net stories are listed under “Drama”, now that I think about it. But really, drama’s what you go with when you wanna raise the stakes to crazy-high levels. It won’t be melodramatic 100% of the time, nor will it be grimdark or consummately edgy; I do make a point to add some witty humor and even fluff if it’s appropriate. But Shin fics are all about letting you see the kind of hell certain characters could be going through in canon and thankfully aren’t - yet you’re also seeing those same characters achieve a level of greatness canon would have never permitted because they put their all into reaching their goal.

That’s about the gist of it: trying to outdo canon at its own game, giving justice I feel my favorites are due, but only after I put them through the seven circles of hell.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Hm, okay. When it comes to pride, I’m typically very reserved in that regard. However, I was very proud of how This is Who I Am Chapter 5 turned out. I had an idea well before writing it about how I wanted to do a twist on the Mirror Match trope with Steven and Peridot - basically, forcing their light sides to fight off the dark sides of each other, rather than themselves. The more accurate terminology for what I actually pulled off was an inversion of Opponent Switch.

I was very happy how I managed to execute this plot, since so much of it was rigged in the dark sides’ favor and almost insured that only Steven or Peridot would come out of this alive; not both. When it came to Light Steven meeting Dark Peridot, I finally had the opportunity to properly write for Pre-Series Peridot, who I established earlier was a bit of an opportunistic sociopath. I was eager for the chance to make my version of Socio-Peri a legit unsettling psychopath and boy did I revel in it. So, without further ado:

Steven desperately tried to find any trace of hope remaining in this situation. "E-Even if you and him are just the worst things about us made into people, like you said, you are still part of Peridot, 5XG! You're linked, me and the other Steven are linked… and you two shouldn't want to shatter your loved ones, either!"

5XG found herself legitimately enjoying this; savoring Steven's agony and dwindling optimism. It had been far too long since she was able to relish in the pain of another; especially when it resulted in her getting rewarded for it.

"If you're attempting to argue that we don't have a single iota of contempt for one another, I suggest you spare us any more of your unacceptable stupidity by jumping off this platform and descend into the abyss where you belong," she said in a sharp tone. "You'll recall I absolutely despised you for quite some time before my weaker self got the better of me. Past-tense or not, it is a fact you cannot deny. Therefore, it is part of me. Consider it as valid as the fact that, regardless of tense and however I changed over time, I am and always will be a murderer."

"NO!"

Steven was completely shaken up, now driven to tears and cowering away from the Peridot who was his adversary long before becoming his soulmate.

"Please, don't!" he urged. "I've forgiven her already! I-I never hated her for–"

"You hate murderers," 5XG stated in a calm, neutral, but very firm tone that was sharp enough to cut Steven off. "Anyone who takes the life of another, you hate on principle. The cause or circumstance is of no concern to you and never has been."

Steven swore his blood ran freezing cold for a moment after taking in those words. He was stunned to the point of being unable to rebuke any of this.

"The Bismuth told me how events played out when you first met her," 5XG added, readily rubbing salt into the wound. "After knowing by this point how the Diamond Authority were responsible for committing multiple acts of global genocide, how this very planet was on that list, and were prone to shattering members of their own court on a misdemeanor or even on a whim. You were aware of all of this."

Steven squinted his eyes, trying his best to shut away any more tears. He tried to turn away from 5XG; his entire body was shivering while his hands balled up into fists. "P-Please, stop…"

"Yet you admonished the Bismuth for daring to create weapons made for wiping out an enemy with lethal force; legitimate ways to justifiably defend yourself against an enemy you know would not hesitate to take your life if they had an opening. You stood there, and you actually labeled her as one who is completely indistinguishable from White, Blue, or Yellow Diamond," 5XG continued; of course she wouldn't honor his request. "A loyal ally of your maternal unit whose focus was always on doing her best to defend her friends and loved ones, who only fought when forced to by the Homeworld gems… to her face, you belittled her convictions and you said there was no difference between her and the maniacal, genocidal dictators that you yourself were defending against along with your loved ones – just as the Bismuth herself. I honestly don't blame her for trying to kill you that day. You should have died."

5. Share one of your strengths.

Phew... this one’s a little awkward for me. I know one thing I’m objectively good at is writing insanely long shit that is at least good enough to compel people to lose sleep or pull all-nighters as they strive to finish it. I can at least safely say that because nearly every goddamn reviewer I’ve ever had has gone out of their way to mention this. Even if they don’t review, if I ever have a chance to talk to them personally, they’re normally gonna let me know they sacrificed many hours of sleep because of me :P

But really, I’m consistently praised for expanding on characters or concepts that canon either could have touched on more or barely touched at all. Some people have gained newfound appreciation for characters they didn’t care about or even hated because of my portrayals, and that’s pretty damn empowering to hear. I’ll often get remarks along the lines of me taking a character and “really making them my own” - in a positive way. Sometimes I have plot twists that are complete and utter batshit on paper, but then I’ll get commended for making it completely believable to the point where readers tell me they wish it was actually canon.

So, that’s enough of a strength, I would say. I can reach really far and still make an AU story sound like it could have easily fit in canon even if my ideas are ones the staff won’t touch with a 10-mile pole.

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?

rsilgjdgkljdgsjgahhahhhh, that’s not as easy a question as you might think! Every story has given me a hurdle or two.

I think by default, I’m gonna say it’s Peri-dise: The Capitalist Anarchy. Because while I put my own spin on it and added a lot of things to make a proper story out of it, Peridot’s little Citystate session was almost exactly to the letter like a certain one by GrayStillPlays. So a lot of the heavy lifting was already done for me in that regard. Still made sure to add plenty to it just to ensure it wasn’t SOLELY just a retelling of that video with some name changes.

And that takes care of my first big ask! Hopefully those were satisfactory answers. I’ll... TRY and get to another before I pass out. Really wasn’t fair of CN to drop this leak on the same day I’d have to contend with 3 hours of Monday Night RAW...

#answered asks #nobynaga #meme #fanfiction #writing

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gayfraphne · 5 years

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If there was a new show being created and you had a chance to add to everyone’s personality and motivations and future what would you do?

i get this question all the time, and i’ve made about a billion posts about it. (actually, i’ve made three. you can look at them here, here, and here,) because of that, i’ve decided to make this sort of an alternate universe. also, i’m definitely writing this into a fic.

i’d like to preface this by saying that i’ve been watching a lot of young justice and other dc stuff lately, so i wanted to play with the fact that scooby doo is canonically a part of the dc universe. not necessarily a crossover, but that kind of world- with evil legions trying to take over the world, and strange science pushing the boundaries of what seems possible. crazy lab experiments giving humans and animals strange powers and nobody ever staying dead when they should.

in this au, the gang didn’t start off as friends, but were brought together by some sort of top secret government branch to put a stop to all the strange things happening- forming a league of appropriately skilled “good guys” to fight evil together. like all classic task forces, the gang have trouble getting close at first and it isn’t until they realise that they’re employers aren’t as “good” as they were lead to believe that they can truly become a family and work together to stop the evil which surrounds them from all sides.

FREDbackstory: when fred was a baby, his father (the mayor of coolsville) discovered that he actually wasn’t fred’s real dad. he killed fred’s mother, fred’s real father and- having developed a taste for it- like ten other people. Fred became fascinated with the case and, believing his father to be guilty, caught him himself. now (being the only family that fred has) fred visits him in prison when he’s having problems, and his fake-dad gives him spooky advice (i swear to god i had this idea before riverdale). he was a natural choice to be the appointed leader of the gang, because if he were willing to have his own father sent to prison, he clearly wouldn’t let his conscience stop him from doing the hard stuff.personality: the whole thing with his dad sort of left fred with an obsession with justice. he’s willing to do absolutely anything (including sacrificing himself) to stop a criminal. he also has a strong sense of “found family” about the gang, and is EXTREMELY protective of them. he constantly walks on the edge of hero and anti-hero, and his darker instincts and urges threaten to burst out at any moment (this is fred’s weakness- he’s suffered so much trauma that he’s well on his way to becoming exactly like his father, which is the one thing he wants more than anything to avoid.) he still has a dorky, earnest innocence about him, which many women find charming. he’s killed men, but when it comes to sex and romance he’s completely unaware. he has a real passion for film, and looks up to noire detectives like the maltese falcon.

DAPHNEbackstory: her rich family used to be some of the world’s biggest crooks. i’m talking biblical, final arch of a comic series evil. because of this, daphne was raised to be an assassin. more combat training than anyone would know what to do with, sharp-shooting- you name it. her family viewed her as a currency- “alone time” with the blakes’ hot daughter was viewed as payment in the criminal underground. so, when they finally took down her family, it seemed only natural that daphne put her skills to good use by joining the gang.personality: her horrifying teen years have left her grizzled, with a “win at all costs” mentality, not unlike fred’s. she’s not shy about using her body or feminine wiles to get what she wants, as that was always the way when growing up. while fred is more prone to the violent outburst, her chaos is much more calculated. she’s able to turn off her emotions whenever necessary, and never hesitates to kill. of course, she has a softer side, too. it’s hard to break her machine mentality, but once you do, she can be very kind and caring, and takes care of the gang like an older sister- nursing them when hurt, encouraging them when upset, etc. legend has it that fred has made her blush on a few occasions, but both parties will deny this adamantly. sex and romance are a means of obtaining power, and she hesitates to allow them to become anything more.

SHAGGYbackstory: shaggy’s mother immigrated from the philippines and raised shaggy all by herself. they lived an extremely modest life- her working a constantly rotating series of minimum wage jobs to support him. shaggy was a slacker with no real skills, and couldn’t understand why he was brought onto this team. of course, he had no way of knowing that the man in charge of this secret government organization was his real father, hoping to keep an eye on him (and turn him to the dark side).personality: being brought up in such a low income home, shaggy’s main concerns are having food to eat and a roof to sleep under, and couldn’t really care less about materialism. he’s a total wisecracker, who always has something funny to say, even at the worst times. he’s the most grounded of the gang and is usually the one to call everyone else out when they start to forget what’s really important. he cares about the gang, but he’s a self-preservationist before anything else, and wouldn’t hesitate to leave them in danger if it means saving his own life. he has a strong bond with daphne and velma and can always get them to open up, but was never able to get as close to fred, who is his complete opposite.

VELMAbackstory: a jewish mexican who grew up in a relatively low income family, who owned a small book store. velma spent her whole childhood reading books about all kinds of different things, and left her with the intelligence she needed to graduate high school by the age of fourteen. she took several online university courses in the meantime, and had several degrees by the age of seventeen. her super genius made her an ideal member of the gang.personality: velma grew up without any friends, which left her without social skills. she’s extremely logical, to the point where other people’s feelings go right over her head. she secretly yearns to have close bonds with people, but her attempts always seem to fall short. she’s extremely distrusting and not afraid to be cruel as a way of building barriers to keep people from learning about her insecurities. she has a nasty habit of comparing herself to others, especially daphne. velma masks her feelings of inferiority with intense hubris, convincing everyone that she doesn’t care that they don’t like her to mask how much she really does.

#ask me stuff #scooby doo #mystery inc #fred jones #daphne blake #shaggy rogers #velma dinkley #i have no idea what to title this au so hit me up with ideas #scooby doo au #not an incorrect quote

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djprincessk · 5 years

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Why Usagi being Sailor Cosmos would be a really bad god awful thing in the context of the series

Some people probably read the title and kept scrolling because they really really want Usagi to be Sailor Cosmos and that’s their thing and they want it. That’s totally fine.

Some people are still reading this because they really really wanna pick apart why I’m wrong and that’s fine too. So lemme start off with this:

Howdy! I’m a Sailor Moon nerd and I love the series and all its incarnations! This is not really a persuasive argument more than it is me sharing my opinion about why Sailor Cosmos being Usagi goes against everything the series stands for. I’ll present supporting context from the manga, and if you end up agreeing with me, cool! But if you don’t wanna be convinced and you wanna stick to your theory, rad! Do your thing! I’m not gonna fight that!

I’m going to leave out the arguments that I’ve seen a lot before: being unable to transform after becoming queen, the silver crystal only allowing a thousand years of life, etc. But here’s my opinion and I’ve been meaning to write this for a while, so here we go:

Sailor Moon is a series about breaking free of the past. The timeline of the story starts off with Queen Serenity reincarnating everyone (except herself) and sending them to the future in order to have a better life for her daughter and her friends. She doesn’t rebuild the fallen Earth and Moon Kingdoms and reset the timeline (probably because the Silver Crystal doesn’t have enough power for that, but LET’S NOT GOT THERE), she doesn’t send HERSELF forward with them. She stays behind and dies. Trusting the future to her daughter, despite knowing that Metallia and Beryl would likely return at some point due to Queen Serenity’s failure at completing the seal.

Queen Serenity fucked up and left Usagi with a dangerous mission because of her mistakes, but she also first and foremost wanted Usagi to be happy.

So point #1: Usagi being Sailor Cosmos means that Queen Serenity’s sacrifice failed.

Sailor Cosmos lost everything. The idea that Usagi will have to do that all over again is heartbreaking.Going by the manga, Usagi lost everything in the Silver Millennium and AGAIN when Galaxia came around (Galaxia even killed her cats, man). To lose her friends and family and loved ones for presumably a third time would be/should be unbearable. Usagi living long enough to become Sailor Cosmos, or reincarnating into Cosmos, would be tragic. Queen Serenity gave her life to give Usagi a chance at a peaceful life -- to have a chance to earn a peaceful life for her and her loved ones -- and failed. Because Usagi had to defy whole established canon to do what others in her own bloodline couldn’t.

And in a series that it from beginning to end about hope and securing the future for others, Usagi having to be the eternal martyr for the universe is FUCKED UP.

Speaking of securing the future...

Point #2: What about Chibiusa?

If the Dark Kingdom Arc was about resolving the past, the Black Moon Arc was about securing the future. Literally. I mean, they go to the future and fix it. You can’t get more literal than that. Not only does Sailor Moon defeat Death Phantom, but Neo Queen Serenity helps Chibiusa realize her own power gives her the ability to fight, and by the time we see Chibiusa in the Galaxia arc, she’s already in eternal form, along with her senshi team, bravely leading her team at a much younger age than Usagi was when she started out. And Chibimoon will eventually become Sailor Moon (they can’t all just be called Chibi Chibi Chibi Chibi Moon forever), and she’ll ascend to levels beyond eternal, and her descendants even more so, all of whom will strengthen the Silver Crystal as they grow as soldiers. Hell Chibiusa herself will make the eternal forms look like a joke by the time she’s done.

So why Usagi?

The idea that Usagi is Sailor Cosmos implies that no one else in the royal line could get it done. Queen Serenity is able to secure a peaceful future for her daughter...and that’s where it stops. The lack of hope is kind of crushing??? I don’t think that Sailor Moon isn’t allowed to fail, per se, my problem is that Usagi has to be the one to rise as Sailor Cosmos. In the time from the end of NQS’s reign to the time of Sailors Chaos and Cosmos, there was not a single Sailor Moon as good as Usagi, and as much as I love her, that’s not good!

This may be hurtful because I know some SM fans hate this show, but, if Usagi is Cosmos, you know what magical girl series does hope better? This one:

LET ME EXPLAIN: By the end of the series (I’m leaving Rebellion out of this cause that’s a different discussion), thanks to Madoka’s sacrifice, magical girls are guaranteed to leave the world a better place than how they found it, rather than cause despair that cancels out the hope they gave to the world, making their battles meaningless. Even if the world never recognizes magical girls, the warriors themselves realize that they’re sacrificing themselves to make their world better.

In the context of the Sailor Moon Manga, Usagi being Sailor Cosmos means that that did not happen. The future is so fucked that the original Sailor Moon had to come back and fix everything, while Madoka left the future of her world to future magical girls.

Point #3:

IT’S A METAPHOR.

I know that you know that “You will always live eternally” is a metaphor. But yelling “it’s a metaphor” is fun, so there ya go. Try it sometime. Love yourself. Anyway, Usagi serves way better to the future of the story as a beacon of hope, rather than a literal eternal warrior. Usagi’s show of bravery and hope in the final chapters of the series inspires Cosmos to keep fighting Chaos in spite of her losing everything in her battle. Usagi gaining power and giving her power to the galaxy cauldron gave power to the future Sailor Moon without her having to be the one suffering. Usagi’s final act of bravery lived throughout the ages in a clearly tangible way, and affected the future and gave a distant future Sailor Moon hope to stand on her own like she did. All without having to deny growth in her own royal line by fighting herself. She has lived forever through the Silver Crystal’s power, and that’s far more important than literally living forever. Usagi living her thousand years as NQS and being with her family and friends and dying knowing she’s done all she could in her lifespan as Sailor Moon and Queen is a beautiful and fitting end for our princess, and one I think Queen Serenity would want for her daughter.

I’m actually quite fond of the idea of Sailor Moon being a reincarnation of OG Queen Serenity. And to me it makes a lot of sense. Serenity couldn’t seal Metallia completely because of her grief, so maybe Sailor Cosmos couldn’t properly use the Lambda Power because of her grief over her losses. Serenity having a chance to show the courage that we’ve already seen from Usagi would be way more interesting to just seeing another supe’d up Usagi. And this series is always about trying again in spite of everything, right? We’ve seen Usagi’s second chance, why couldn’t we get the same for Queen Serenity?

In conclusion, I don’t think Usagi as Cosmos works on either a canon level or a theme level. And it wouldn’t fit within the hopeful theme of series.

TL;DR - Usagi as Sailor Cosmos makes Queen Serenity’s sacrifice moot, Chibiusa and all her descendants useless, gives no reason for future Sailor Moons to exist because Usagi has to do it all herself, and it craps on the idea of power being instilled through hope instead of fighting. And it’s okay to disagree with me. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

#Sailor Moon #Sailor Moon Manga #Sailor Moon Crystal #Usagi Tsukino #Sailor Cosmos

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sage-nebula · 5 years

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Okay, so after the commentary I made last season despite being in Japan at the time (how I miss that), I feel like I have to say something about this season, so:

In a nutshell:

This show has been racist for a long, long time, but they really amped it up this season. Between Acxa telling Zethrid that mixed race people like them just have to “let go of their anger” over everyone in the fucking universe discriminating against them and just deal with it, to the fact that the one version of Voltron where Princess Allura is a woman of color also happens to be the only version of Voltron where:

She doesn’t end up with the male lead, but is instead given to the comic relief Nice Guy because he’s “good at winning prizes” and

is killed off for real The racism in this show surpassed even my expectations, and my expectations were pretty low considering crew and cast likes to casually toss around the word “half-breed” like it’s nothing. Allura was made to sacrifice and suffer time, and time, and time again. Each time it was supposedly in the name of showing how selfless she is, and yet not only was she never justly rewarded for all that she went through, but the fact that a dark-skinned girl is made to be the sacrificial lamb for everyone else and is supposed to do so with a smile ties into some pretty racist tropes about how black girls are expected to take on the burdens of others. I’m not black myself so I’m not an expert on any of this, and apologies if I’m speaking out of turn here, but to me this entire thing smacks of racism and I have a strong feeling that Allura wouldn’t have had to go through all this nonsense had she been white as she was in previous iterations. And also? It says a whole helluva lot that Dreamworks refused to allow them to kill off Shiro, a light skinned man (because yes, he’s Japanese, but his skin is still pale), but they were perfectly okay with Allura, a dark-skinned black girl getting the ax. Hmm. Hmmmmmm. Colorism, thy name is Dreamworks.

One of the few parts I actually did watch were the Lotor flashbacks in ep 2. I enjoyed them immensely despite how heartbreaking they were. What I’ve enjoyed significantly less is the sheer amount of people who are somehow just now realizing that Lotor was an abuse survivor at the hands of Zarkon, Honerva, and Dayak. Where was this common sense when you were all vilifying him and calling him a sociopathic monster? We’ve known that Lotor’s true goals were peace and that he was a sympathetic person all along. I’m not impressed by people who only just now realize that Lotor was deserving of sympathy. If you didn’t appreciate him at his “the universe can no longer doubt our strength; each ally gained only makes us stronger” then you don’t deserve him at his, “please, father, I’ll do as you say, please don’t punish the people for my actions.”

That said, JDS and LM continued their proud tradition of spitting in the face of abuse survivors, because even though they actually showed on-screen that Lotor was abused in his childhood by both his parents and his governess, they later “redeemed” said parents (because of course Haggar wouldn’t have abused Lotor had she known he was her son! no mother would ever!! those of us with abusive mothers are making it up, so says virtually every piece of media out there!!) and had Lotor go to “happily” live with them in the afterlife or whatever the hell that was. I’ll admit, I didn’t actually watch that part, I’ve just read spoilers and seen caps, and I’m furious about it. It doesn’t surprise me, given the “abuse survivors will turn out exactly like their abusers (evil) unless they have a good parental figure to steer them right” garbage they’ve spewed previously, but it still goddamn hurts and I’m so angry they did Lotor like this, again. (And also that they left the girls still on the “he used us omg” bent, when no, he didn’t. Complete garbage and nonsense.

I’m glad Ezor and Zethrid were un-buried. It’s also great that Shiro got to be married on-screen with a kiss between him and his love (whose name is apparently Curtis?). This is the first time we’ve had a mlm couple in a children’s cartoon like this, so it’s monumental and I’ll acknowledge that. However:

Zethrid, as can be expected, was written absolutely terribly. It was proven in season six that the girls would just go wherever the plot demanded they go and had no real characters or arcs of their own, so it’s not surprising, but the fact that they turned her into a complete yandere who wanted to pull a murder-suicide (death by cop style) because her girlfriend broke up with her is a travesty and disservice to her character, especially since earlier seasons showed how thoughtful she could be (such as how and when she decided to turn on Lotor: “Sorry, sir. It’s nothing personal”).

I think they were supposed to be dead originally, but this was a last minute reversal done after the backlash last season. I also think the only reason why those two are together is because a.) Narti died, b.) Acxa joined the Paladins sooner and had a bond with Keith, and therefore, c.) They were the only two of Lotor’s original squad left on their own for a while. a.k.a., Pair the Spares.

Shiro never got any time to develop with his love interest. It’s still representation and representation is important, particularly when it’s unambiguous representation like this (and I wonder if they added this as a response to last season’s backlash as well), but it still sucks they couldn’t develop this relationship on-screen, and proves that they should have never killed Adam to begin with. If they had truly planned Shiro to be the LGBTQA rep from the start, then how his love story should have gone is:

When Shiro and Keith talk outside of the shack in s1e1, one of the first questions out of Shiro’s mouth is, “How’s Adam?” Whether they broke up prior to Kerberos or not, they were once so close they were going to be married. Shiro was away for a year and some change. There’s no way he shouldn’t have been wondering how Adam was doing.

When Shiro had his whole “you’re not worthy of being a paladin” breakdown with Sendak, since that whole thing is coming from his head, one of the things thrown at him should have been “how could Adam have ever loved you?” to cement the fact, way back in season one, that Adam and Shiro loved each other and that this relationship was still an emotional point for Shiro.

Keep mentioning Adam throughout the remaining before-Earth seasons. Little things like Shiro mentioning that he and Adam saw potential in Keith; Keith getting frustrated at one point and saying that Adam didn’t deserve Shiro, and Shiro quietly saying that Keith doesn’t understand, there was more going on than that. Someone flirting with Shiro and Shiro turning him down and, when asked why, he said there’s someone else he needs to move on from first, et cetera. Or even, since we have to do the clone plot that I just remembered, have Keith mention Adam at some point and Shireplica doesn’t react and that twigs Keith’s attention that something’s wrong.

When squad returns to Earth, Shiro and Adam reunite. Adam runs in for a hug, but then stops himself and goes for a handshake instead. He’s near tears. Says it’s so good to see Shiro again. Shiro is awkward, hesitant, but says that yeah, it is. Adam asks if they can talk privately later. Shiro says yes.

Adam apologizes for the things he said before Shiro left for Kerberos. He apologizes for not acknowledging how important Shiro’s dreams were, explains that he was hurt and that his pain and worry made him angry, but he’s regretted all that he said for the past several years. Shiro accepts the apology, and also apologizes for not acknowledging Adam’s own feelings more, for the life they could have had, for not being open to seeing where Adam was coming from. Both apologies accepted, they sit in silence for a moment until Shiro makes a half-hearted joke, saying, “Well, you said you wouldn’t wait for me, so who’s the lucky guy?” Adam just smiles a little, though he looks hesitant as well, and says, “He’s sitting right beside me.”

From that point forward it may or may not be ambiguous if Shiro and Adam are back together or not (probably wouldn’t be right away, but at least old wounds are cleared away). Adam plays a bigger role in the story, and doesn’t get killed off. He ends up joining the crew of the Atlas.

In the epilogue, Adam and Shiro get married. They kiss. Fin. It would have been that easy, but instead of actually allowing a mlm romance to happen on screen, they went with this instead. Which, again, it’s representation regardless and it’s a nice thing that it exists, but it would have been so easy to make it better, and they did this instead. Smh.

On a related note, it’s not queerbait if one character is explicitly stated to have raised the other in canon, they’re referred to as brothers (both from their perspective and others’) multiple times in canon, and you’re even shown that one met the other when one was a young child and the other was an adult. Ship it all you want, ignore canon in your fanworks all you want, but you can’t cry bait when you get “thank you for raising him to be the man he is today” in canon dialogue and it’s not denied by any of the characters in question (but rather is accepted), particularly not in a show aimed at kids that has all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. That’s not bait. That would be like if someone said “this is a red velvet cupcake” and you took it from them, ate it, and then got mad that it wasn’t funfetti. You weren’t baited. That ship sank in s6 along with every single Lotor ship to ever exist. That’s just the way it be.

I’m glad Kolivan made it through that entire hellscape alive. Gods bless my man Kolivan.

Literally none of them even really tried to stop Allura from sacrificing herself, though. In the very end, Team Voltron proves once and for all that they’re all terrible friends who have no chemistry as a team and no real bond. Eight seasons and they couldn’t even give anyone that, smh.

I still can’t believe that after all that they made Altean Lance canon.

Final thoughts:

VLD is trash, it has always been trash, I’m shocked it took everyone so long to catch up but I’m glad you’ve all made it here, and now we’re all free from this godawful nightmare and can put it behind us forever. Also, one more thing:

Do not reblog this post or so help me I’ll delete the post and block you. I do NOT want discourse over this. I just wanted to put my thoughts down since I felt that, after I commented on the fiasco last time, I should do it now as well. If you try to start Discourse™ about any of this or act like little demons, I’ll just block you straight off, thanks.

#/#//#///#////#/////#voltron salt #voltron negativity #vld spoilers #voltron spoilers

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inawickedlittletown · 5 years

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Walking The Wire (92/?)

Summary: Tony Stark always knew about Peter Parker. He didn’t know that Peter was going to get superpowers and become Spider-Man, but he always knew about Peter because Peter was his son.

This will span from pre-Iron Man up through the rest of the MCU (eventually including Infinity War) and will be for the most part canon compliant except where I’ve taken some liberties and interpreted canon a certain way.

Pairings: Pepper/Tony, Tony/Steve (endgame), Tony/Mary (past)

A/N: If you want me to tag you when I post new chapters let me know. This fic is also on AO3

I used Collider’s MCU timeline to stay canon and the title of this fic is an Imagine Dragons song that is just so fitting for Peter and Tony

Masterpost

Chapter Ninety One

Peter didn’t think that he had ever heard May actually curse like that before. Well, at least not in front of him. So, for a moment he was a little shocked at that and then he realized that she was staring him down with that disappointed look of hers.

“I -- so, I’m Spider-Man,” Peter said and hoped for the best.

May fixed him with a glare. “I can see that, Peter! What the hell is this?” Her eyes narrowed on him. “So all this time I’ve been worrying over you and you’ve been sneaking out for this? Unbelievable!”

Peter didn’t know what to say or do, so he just stood there and watched her as she paced back and forth just within his bedroom not saying anything for a while.

“It was you,” she said suddenly and stopped to look at him. “It was you at the field trip on the Washington monument! And at the ferry! And who knows where else and—“

May narrowed her eyes on Peter again and Peter knew that she had put something else together.

“He knows, doesn’t he?” She demanded.

Peter knew exactly who she meant and he tried not to outwardly show that. “Who do you mean?” Peter asked and tried to play it off as if he really had no idea but he’d never been a good liar.

“Don’t bullshit me, Peter. Your father! Your father who flies around in a metal suit. He knows, doesn’t he?”

Peter sighed. He knew that he could try to deny it but it wasn’t going to actually get him anywhere because May had a way of getting to the truth and lying was only going to make this worse. He didn’t know if lying about Tony knowing would make a difference to May anyway. She was pissed and there probably would not be reasoning with her over it.

“Yes,” he said.

The whole thing felt even worse because he was wearing the suit, a clear display of exactly what she was mad about and May only seemed to just get even more infuriated as Peter confirmed her suspicions.

“Right,” May said, “so going by this thing you have on he’s also condoning this. Unbelievable. This, Peter, this is exactly the reason we didn’t want you to meet him.”

“He has nothing to do with me being Spider-Man. I was Spider-Man before I even met him or knew who he was,” Peter responded and he couldn’t believe that May was just blaming Tony as if Tony had shown up in his life and been the direct reason for him becoming Spider-Man. As if Tony had given him the suit and asked him to be Spider-Man.

May shook her head. “Yes, but what else would you be with all the hero worship you did all those years looking up to Iron Man. And now you’re going to go out there and get yourself killed over this and he’s going to let you. And yes, fine, maybe Ben and I shouldn’t have let you get so obsessed with The Avengers but I didn’t expect--”

She was crying. Her face red and splotchy from the anger or the tears or both. Peter hated seeing her that way.

“I have super powers,” Peter said.

“I don’t care!” May yelled and hands went up into the air in frustration. Peter took a step back. He’d never seen her this angry.

“May--”

May cut him off. “Fine, so he didn’t make you do this, but when he found out, he should have told me. No, instead he probably thinks it’s awesome to have some sort of mini-me. The kind of thing that he’d be happy about. I’m not surprised at all.”

“That’s not--” Peter tried.

“I don’t want to hear it! You’re my kid. Mine. I don’t want you doing this and that’s final. And I don’t want you to see him either. Not if he’s putting you in danger like this. It’s not okay.”

Peter had never had to actually be parented like this before. He had never been the kind of kid to get into trouble or make things difficult. He’d been grounded and had things taken away from him lots of times but every punishment had been easily doled out and taken and none of it had ever felt like a big deal. They had even felt deserved. Ben and May had always been fair and just and they had never been truly angry at him, not the way that May was now. He’d never seen her like this so serious and upset and angry and acting completely on her emotion.

“But, May--”

“No,” May said and shook her head. “I buried my husband. I won’t bury you. You’re not doing this.”

And Peter knew that he couldn’t not do it. No matter what it took, he was Spider-Man with or without the suit and that was not something he could actually give up no matter what May said. That was a part of him. A huge part of him and Peter had already gone through a small period time when he wasn’t actively being Spider-Man and it wasn’t for him not just because his powers wanted to be used, but because there was always trouble and people in danger and Peter couldn’t ignore that -- not when he could help.

“It’s not up to you,” Peter said.

“Not up to me, is it, Peter? Well guess what, you live under my roof. You’re underage and you’re in high school for goodness sake. I’m in charge of you. And I know I don’t often act like it and that’s my fault for being so lenient with you but that stops now.”

It was shocking to hear May like that. Peter shook his head. “May, you can’t--”

“I can. I don’t want you doing this. I’m in charge here, Peter, I’m the adult. You’re just a kid and you don’t know--”

Peter shook his head. “Nope. You’re not. You’re not even my real aunt.”

May gasped.

It hurt Peter to say it but it was ultimately true. “And if you don’t want me doing this while living under your roof then I’ll just have to leave. I have -- I have a dad, now. If you can’t accept Spider-Man then--”

It was hard to get it all out and not just cry over it. He stared at May and waited for her to say anything, for her to take it back or say anything. Instead, she kept silent and it was like they were having some kind of stand off except that May was still crying and she was oh so clearly hurt even while the anger remained. Peter waited, not sure what he could do or say because this was unexplored territory and he had never expected for May to react like this to finding out. She had always been so reasonable -- so open to listening to Peter. It was like dealing with someone else altogether. Except, well, Peter had always known she wasn’t going to take it too well. It was why he’d kept it secret in the first place.

“Peter, you better not mean that. You know what I’ve done for you. You know what I’ve sacrificed for you -- what Ben and I sacrificed to raise you as our own. So you will listen to me. You won’t be moving out and you won’t be Spider-Man. I’ve never had to put a foot down with you. Never. I’ve let you do whatever you wanted and stay out as late as you wanted and when I found out you were sneaking out every night I didn’t say anything. But this is--”

Peter had to stop her. She didn’t get it. “It’s something I have to do,” Peter said. “Dad understands that. I get you don’t -- but he does and he’s my father and I’m sure he’ll be happy to let me live with him. It’s how it should have been anyway.”

May looked stricken. “Peter, you can’t—“

Peter turned away, not sure that he could actually face her and it hurt. He hadn’t realized that he was crying until he reached up to wipe at his face and his fingers came back wet. His eyes landed on his desk and on all the things there. Save for the computer, it was May that had gotten him all of them. She who wasn’t even his real family and yet had never treated him like he wasn’t.

May touched his shoulder, but he couldn’t turn to look at her. Her hand rubbed down his neck and back and it would have been easy to just lean into her and seek some sort of understanding.

“You’re so smart. Brilliantly so,” May said and her voice was gentler and more like her and yet the emotion was also so clear. “I don’t want that to be wasted on this. I don’t want your life to end because you want to be like the great Tony Stark who is not everything you think he is.”

Peter stood stock still for a long moment and then he shook his head. “It’s a compliment to be compared to him,” he said. “I know he wasn’t always the best, but he turned that around and made things better. I love you, May, but I’m Spider-Man and Tony accepts that. And maybe now you can stop worrying about sacrificing anything else because of me.”

He didn’t wait for a response. Instead, he grabbed his backpack -- one that Tony had actually given him after he lost yet another backpack -- and he threw all of his school things inside as well as his laptop. Peter grabbed a few more essentials but didn’t bother with clothes. He had some at the tower anyway and they would do for now.

He glanced at May as he grabbed the mask and she looked shattered. It was hard to look at her for long and his chest ached because May should have accepted him and if not that then they should have allowed him to really explain it. He had been right in thinking that she would freak out but he hadn’t known to expect her to just be so against Spider-Man that she would demand that he stop doing it altogether.

“I gotta go,” Peter whispered and he put the mask back on.

“Hello, Peter, you seem to be in distress,” Karen said.

“You could say that,” Peter said and then he walked towards the window.

He heard May call his name, but he only turned to look at her again as he climbed out of the window and he could see how worried she looked. She was crying and her face looked pained and yet Peter knew he couldn’t turn back. He couldn’t do anything but this. If he had learned anything with how the last few weeks had gone it was that Peter was Spider-Man not just because of his powers or the suit that Tony had built him, but because of who he was and because he wanted to help others.

“Should I contact Mr. Stark?” Karen asked.

“No, Karen. I’m -- I’m going to head over to the tower,” Peter said and he swung away from the house and in the same way he’d come.

Peter tried to calm himself down, trying to make himself feel a little less. He kept himself high up, swinging from building to building out of sight of most people. Karen didn’t say much and he was glad. It meant that he could distract himself and not break down into tears over everything. Except that it was hard not to think about it -- to picture May’s face when Peter had told her she wasn’t even really his aunt. He regretted saying that the most especially after everything that May had done for him. Peter stopped at a roof just a few blocks from the tower and he tried to catch his breath. He pulled off his mask and brushed tears away.

“Am I doing the right thing?” He asked.

“I don’t know, Peter. Does it feel like the right thing?” Karen said.

It did, which was a little hard to admit when he considered everything that he was giving up to make this choice.

“I want to be Spider-Man. I can’t give it up. She doesn’t want to understand that,” Peter said and sighed. Maybe things would have been different if Ben were still around.

“Maybe she just needs some time,” Karen said.

“Yeah. Maybe,” Peter said. He could only hope. “She’s just -- May doesn’t usually change her mind about things but maybe--”

Karen took a moment to respond. “May cares for you, Peter.”

“I know,” he said.

He sat there on the roof for a good while, thinking it all over and trying not to let himself think about all the ways that things could have gone differently. After a while, he just put the mask back on.

He swung off of the roof and headed towards the tower which took him only minutes. He landed right outside the penthouse floor. It wasn’t a balcony but a landing space for Iron Man.

“Karen, ask Friday to let me in,” Peter said.

Friday opened the door.

“Thanks,” Peter muttered before he stepped inside. He wasn’t surprised to find that Steve and his dad were both already waiting for him. Peter took off the mask.

“Hi,” Peter said.

Tony opened his arms and Peter dropped his backpack. He walked briskly forward and threw himself at Tony, wrapping his arms around his dad and pressing his face into his dad’s t-shirt covered chest.

Chapter Ninety Three

#peter and tony #peter and tony fic #mcuwriting #mcu fic #iron dad #iron dad and spider son #stony #stony fic #marvel

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janiedean · 6 years

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finn and poe’s sl in the last jedi: a few considerations

first thing to state: these two both needed to have some kind of journey from A to B in order to arrive at the ending that this movie had in mind and the set-up for IX, finn needed to deal with Some Issues that were there since TFA and poe needed a lot of screentime to make up for the fact that while he’s one of the main three, in TFA he had very limited screen time. now.

finn:

needed to work on his main **character flaw** that was stated in TFA, ie: he tends to go flight when in a flight or fight response, which is entirely understandable from his POV but not exactly useful if he has to, uh, *be in a rebel resistance*;

needed to know more people and see more beyond what he knew since he’s been a stormtrooper all his life and only ever worked for the first order and he can’t get around just knowing rey and poe and maybe leia but it’s not like they knew each other;

needed to see beyond his stormtrooper bringing up and get around, you know, having individuality;

what this movie did was addressing all of that by:

sending him away from the only two people he knows (okay, poe not so much because they were in contact always but still) so that he has the chance to, you know, leave and come back;

giving him a storyline with rose ie someone who has entirely good reasons to fight for the resistance and lost her family and everything she had and opened his eyes to other horrid shit the first order did (you know, he goes from ‘this town is beautiful’ to helping her tear it apart sooo) and who admires him first as an icon but then as himself and is willing to die for *him* without really owing him anything beforehand;

doing that, he realized which were his priorities, he fought for people other than his two friends, he realized that he wanted to be rebel scum (or did I dream that conversation with phasma) and by the end he was about to die for the cause when in the beginning his first thought was running (without even warning poe for that matter) so that he’d save his ass and rey’s. which is entirely understandable from his pov, again, but it was something the movie needed to address and is named character development, which he got in spades;

now he’s reunited with his friends, made more friends, knows his place in the world and doesn’t want to run anymore. mission accomplished.

poe:

needed more time to have his personality established given his lack thereof in TFA;

needed to be established as leia’s successor which this movie obviously was pointing at;

needed to learn the skills to be a good leader;

now, they could have shown him already being good at it, but thing is: this movie ran two hours and a half and no one wants a Perfect Protagonist Without A Flaw in movies, because it’s completely unrealistic and the fact that poe was a+++ amazing in TFA worked because we saw him less than the other two, if he was like that all the time he’d have been a gary stu.

so, what this movie did was addressing all of the above by:

giving him a hell of a lot of screentime which was used to show us that while he’s an excellent guy all around he does have some flaws;

(which are all by the way entirely consistent with his character because if he’s a hothead who likes to blow things up and fly in the middle of the action he most likely won’t consider that sometimes you have to retreat or that sometimes you have to look at saving lives rather than making sacrifices of most people you have before being left with a handful)

establishing that he and leia have definitely a parental/familial vibe because she basically treats him like she’d treat her own family and they’re familiar in ways you are not with your boss;

putting him in a situation where he realizes that acting rashly means you get demoted regardless of how good you are at your job;

giving him the tension with holdo which made him realize that you can be a good leader also by retreating and not ATTACKING all the time, that sometimes you have to buy time like that and that it’s not cowardly to run and that it’s not necessary to go around sacrificing your own life and others’s for the cause;

doing all of the above, he went from promising general to virtually effective leia substitute, because at the end of the movie he did exactly the contrary of what he did in the beginning, told finn what leia told him (to disengage), stopped finn from going after kylo and luke when he realized luke was buying them time so they could run, and leia herself told people to follow him and not her, which brings us to the conclusion that the infamous rewrites post-tfa most likely were to give him a larger role and effectively set him up to become the next general (also because let’s be real, if han died in VII and luke died in this one, leia was gonna die in the next one if carrie had lived to act in it, and all of them needed the new trio to pick up where they left from), and this when poe was a character who was supposed to be killed at the beginning of tfa.

like, they gave all of this hell of a storyline to a character who was supposed to not even survive the first movie, that’s how much they liked him and how much they accounted for the fans liking him.

so: what happened with this movie was giving them arcs with proper screentime for both which addressed points that couldn’t be addressed in TFA and set them up respectively to a) finn being a full part of the resistance where he’s staying by his own choice and where he’s made friends and found his own individuality and not forcing him to be it which would have happened if he stayed in the main ship for the entirety of tlj, he needed to leave and come back and get rid of his former boss/phasma to fully leave his past behind, b) poe being the new general of the resistance with leia’s full blessing and after we saw that he learned how to be one and we can trust him to take good decisions because he learned on his own skin what it means to take bad ones.

doesn’t seem to me like *character assassination*, except that of course we get to the crux of the problem which is, ‘stormpilot didn’t happen’ and ‘neither of them is confirmed gay’ and apparently that trumps everything else. ship discourse under the cut because this post is long.

now:

this is the middle movie of this trilogy. if stormpilot was gonna be a thing I highly doubt it’d have been a thing here since we’ve seen that people were clutching their pearls over freaking lefou in b&b and here we’re talking about main characters - if it was happening, it would happen next movie;

if they locked lips now it’d have been in a situation where finn literally knows no one except rey and poe and we don’t know anything about poe except that he’s a good pilot, he’s a nice guy and looks hot in leather jackets, which.. I mean, do we want them to establish their personality before thinking about them kissing?

neither of them was *confirmed gay* (though I mean with finn I guess he’d need some experimentation around to find out what he likes but never mind) and finn and rose kissed and poe was flirty-ish with rey so OMG HORRIBLENESS: you know, they could.... be bisexual. or pansexual. both of them. which would also mean they might be interested in women as well as each other. like, just a thought to consider;

the finn/rose kiss was her kissing him, not him kissing her, and like it could either go somewhere or it might not, but if it turns out that he likes her and they become canon and stormpilot doesn’t happen.... there’s nothing inherently horrible in finn liking rose who is a nice girl who went through a lot of shit and has all the reasons in the world to like him and tbh I find it really gross that I’ve read around ‘ew omg he kissed a girl how horrible’. I mean, back when TFA came out we were all rejoicing that we had a nice diverse ship and we were all having fun and sorry to break it to you but finn/rose is also a *diverse* ship so it’d be still fairly progressive to have it canon in a mainstream scifi movie. but now since finn kissed the wrong diversity it’s... a downgrade? like, you do realized how it sounds?

anyway, if finn/rose doesn’t go anywhere, the next person in line realistically to be his love interest (if he does have one by the end) is poe, not rey (who, as much as people around here like to deny, might have been set up to have a meaningful story with *ben solo* who is, sorry to say, not the horrible irredeemable villain a lot of people decided he is, and if you still think he is just go watch the OT and realize that the entire point of it was redeeming darth vader ie someone who did a lot worse than kylo but of course we all forget that SW is a franchise about redemption, huh?), and those two spent the entire movie worrying about each other, staying in contact if they were apart, let’s not go over the ‘finn is naked and wet’ part or finn wearing poe’s clothes for the entire thing or poe coming fully into his future-general self by ordering finn to retreat therefore saving his life rather than send him to sacrifice himself at all costs to take out that cannon (while most people who went after the cannon in the beginning died, including rose’s sister), which doesn’t seem to me like *nothing*. like, we had a lot of stormpilot interactions in this movie considering what they needed to do with it;

now, while it’s probably not likely that it might happen forreal or overtly (it’s still disney guys) saying that, considering all of the above, what I’m seeing was a movie that did both of them justice and didn’t sideline them or their relationship while also dealing with another ten storylines at once and if the point that makes everyone think they’ve been butchered was that they didn’t lock lips you know how it sounds like? like whatever these two characters do or stand up for it’s worthless unless they make out, or unless they’re **gay** (not even bi, gay), and therefore you’re basically reducing them to their PERCEIVED sexuality. ie they’re worth nothing if they aren’t the sexuality the fandom wants them to be, which sorry but a) it’s bullshit, b) it’s tokenism, c) it’s ASSUMING SOMEONE’S PERSONALITY ENDS AT THEIR SEXUALITY AND THEIR ACTIONS ONLY MATTER IN LIGHT OF THEIR SEXUALITY.

like, we have two main characters in the new trio who were given extensive screentime and storylines that brought them forward from the previous movie and gave them character evolution and development and brought them to a narratively better place and made them better people (never mind that if they get together in IX it’d be way healthier than if they had in this movie)........ and that somehow doesn’t matter because we didn’t get a confirmation that they would lock lips or that they prefer to bang men and actually one of them being kissed by a woman is seen as character assassination when in the first movie finn sure af wasn’t going around stating his sexual preferences if he even figured out any?

I mean, I’d like to think we’re watching these movies also for the plot and if poe and finn have to be lgbt rep other than minority rep maybe it’d be nice if they also had a personality to go with it, and possibly realistic too because people without flaws aren’t realistic and sure af the OT trio and prequel trio weren’t flawless people actually all the contrary, and this movie did nothing wrong in establishing it. but hey, seems like we only care about it if they kiss. does it sound woke to you? because to me, it doesn’t.

tldr: idk how this movie butchered either of them or did them wrong or ruined them (all the contrary), but if all the criticism’s point is OMG THEY AREN’T GAY AND THEY DIDN’T KISS then we don’t want well-written characters, we just want the ship. and honestly, making it everything about the ship while throwing everyone else under the bus (rose first and foremost) is hardly, like, progressive or anything, but whatever you like.

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denimwrites-archive · 6 years

Text

Healing the Future

Prompt: Request by Anonymous - “Can I got a Wanda Maximoff x female reader? She work along side with the twins and started to fall for Wanda as they work for hydra after they join the avengers she tells Wanda how she feels.”

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff X Female!Reader

Summary: You’ve known the twins for what feels like forever, and when things are finally looking up, you decide to really open up about everything you’ve been holding back. Little did you know that Wanda was ready to do the same.

Word Count: 2,100

Warnings: Violence, descriptions of torture?, blood, descriptions of pain.

A/N: First time writing for Wanda! I love her so much and I’m so happy I got a request for her! If anyone has any other requests for her (or any other marvel characters) please don’t hesitate to send them in! Also just a warning, I haven’t seen Age of Ultron in forever, and I try to base it around the events of the movie so sorry if it goes against some canon stuff! (Pietro lives though, the warnings are because the reader has regeneration but still feels the pain of wounds)

~~~

Scanning the stark room as you entered, your eyes met with everyone else's, but you couldn’t help but be enchanted by two people. Deciding to stand next to them, you got introduced and instantly found yourself bonding with the two. They were twins, brother and sister. Thick as thieves and always there for each other. And they had also been approached for the experiments being done by this almost secret organization.

As the tests commenced, and you went your separate ways, you couldn’t help the pang at leaving them. But only a week later, you were seeing them again in the same room you met in. Most of the other people from the first day were there too, but they looked sick and malnourished.

And that was how it went. You saw the twins every week when you had an overall health evaluation and ‘explanation’ from the leaders, with fewer and fewer people in the room each week. As time continued you knew that none of this was really above board. But you were in it, and it also gave you time to get to know Wanda more which was worth its weight in gold.

She was funny and sweet and you couldn’t deny she was beautiful. As more and more people from that first day were never seen again you could tell you weren’t the only one uncomfortable with that thought, sometimes sharing concerned looks with the twins.

Sticking to the Maximoffs like glue, you found out that they were having weird side effects from the experiment. Explaining in hushed whispers what was happening, your eyes widened, unsure of what to say. You weren’t dealing with any of the weird things they were, but the scientists were still interested in you for some reason. Probably because you were the only other person left.

You soon found out why you were of interest when you met the doctor for some ‘routine’ tests.

As the doctor strapped you down, you felt your blood run cold. The feeling of uneasiness only grew as he came closer with a scalpel in hand. Flinching as he began to cut into you, but slowly coming to the realization that it didn’t actually hurt that much. Peering at the wound in curiosity, it didn’t even seem to be bleeding that much.

The doctor also looked amazed, staring as the cut sealed itself back up in a matter of seconds. You let out the breath you didn’t know you had been holding, huffing out a laugh at the absurdness of the situation. The doctor, however, was not in the same mood.

A glint in his eye formed, and then you noticed how tightly he was gripping the scalpel. Closing in on your still trapped form, he rapidly plunged the instrument into you over and over. But again, the pain wasn’t anything bad, just a dull ache that soon faded as you watched the wounds close up in front of your eyes.

You were left alone for a long while after that, moved from your comfortable room to a cell like structure. The illusion of legitimacy and care no longer needing to exist. Huddled in the corner, arms wrapped around your legs, you attempted to drive away the chill. Eyes trained on the small sliver of light that leaked through the bottom of the door, you froze as you heard the echo of boots coming through the corridor. Holding your breath as the shadow of the person passes by, you let out a sigh as they continue on their way.

You don’t even know how long you had been left alone in this place for. You missed people. Especially the twins, who seemed to be the only people who were left in the experiment, other than yourself. And who you hadn’t seen since being moved to the cell.

More footsteps echoed down the hallway, and you shivered at the sound. Holding another breath, you didn’t even know how to react when the boots stopped right in front of your door. The shadows in the middle of your only light sent an ominous feeling through you, and you were sure that nothing good was going to be coming.

Sure you were in a cell, but something worse than that laid behind that door. When you heard the clanking of the lock, you immediately stood up, back against the wall. Ready. For what? You didn’t know. But even in this place, that turned from a scientific miracle into hell on Earth, you knew that you had to be prepared. For anything.

As the door swung open you held yourself tall, trying to show that you weren’t afraid of them.

But that crumbled when you saw the dead look on the guard’s face. Stalking forward they roughly grabbed you by your arm and dragged you out of the cell and down the hallway, not allowing you to walk on your own. Struggling against them was futile, so you just let them pull you like a lifeless doll.

That’s all you were to these monsters, a play thing. You were no longer a human being, but an object to be studied and manipulated to their means. When you saw a table similar to the one you were stuck to when they first discovered your ‘talent’, your heartbeat picked up. It wasn’t going to hurt physically, but to see yourself be wounded wasn’t a good experience to say the least, and it took quite the mental toll.

But when you were about to be strapped in, an alarm sounded, causing the guard’s blank face become wide with emotion, as they rushed out the door without giving you a second thought. You were frozen at the sudden change and unsure of what to do. You heard the pounding of what seemed to be hundreds of boots echoing through the corridors, but when you glanced out of the door, you were surprised by a blur of silver streaking past.

Jumping back, the streak rushed by again, and then it stopped right in front of you. “Pietro?” you asked in surprise. Unsure how he was moving so fast, or what was happening. “Where’s Wanda?” you asked, immediately panicking when you saw the twins separated.

“She’s safe. We’re finally getting out of here. The Avengers are attacking and it’s obvious that they are going to destroy this place. Come with us?” he asked, extending a hand. Before he was even done speaking, you were ready to follow them.

And that was how you got into that mess with Ultron. The Maximoffs joined him on the contingency that you were able to come with them, and the robot definitely made use of you when he discovered your power. Leverage was your new title.

When the Avengers ‘cornered’ Ultron on the ship when he was collecting the vibranium, you bought them some time right at the start as the helpless captive. Sure, playing damsel wasn’t the most ideal role, but if it helped it helped.

You were especially useful after Wanda was attacked by Clint. Pietro sped her, and you, away from the ship and you carefully rubbed her temples and ran your hands through her hair to draw her attention away from the pain. You took care of her while Pietro aided Ultron so he didn’t strain Wanda. Her hand tangling with yours when she was better, a smile on her face causing your cheeks to flush.

Eventually, of course, you and the twins realized what a bad idea it was to align with Ultron. Turning to help the Avengers, you again found a different way to help. You could still evacuate people from Sokovia and onto the helicarrier, so that’s what you did. Wanda helping protect you from the ultron-bots where she could.

When almost everyone was evacuated you saw Clint desperately trying to pull a child from the rubble. And you also saw Pietro running to cover him from the bot about to open fire. Screaming as loud as you could, Pietro saw you and knew what to do from the look in your eyes. Dropping you in front of Clint while he went to go deal with the bot, you felt the bullets pierce your body, but it almost didn’t feel real.

It was puncturing but also hollow. The ache all over for the half second that it was there, and next thing you knew you were on the ground, gasping for air. You could feel your body straining as it repaired itself, but it felt so much more intense than all the times before.

Nonetheless, you had helped save Clint, the boy, and that hotheaded speedster who almost sacrificed himself. And the rest of them helped to stop Ultron from destroying the world, so all in all a not too bad day.

After everything settled down, you and the twins found yourself at the Avengers’ compound. It was a nice place, especially after the Hydra base and moving around with the robotic maniac. You weren’t the only one who felt a little uncomfortable though, and you found yourself and the twins in the same room sharing a bed, despite being given separate areas.

With your head resting on Wanda’s shoulder, and her head on yours, Pietro on her other side you fell asleep under the covers. In the morning, Pietro was gone so you cuddled further into Wanda, a smile on your face at how sweet she looked while asleep. You fell back to sleep for a little longer, until you felt her shift next to you. Opening your eyes you gazed into her green ones and felt really at peace for the first time in a while.

“I really don’t want to get up,” you whispered to her.

“Neither do I,” she replied, a smile growing on her face. You giggled quietly and moved closer to her, grabbing her hands underneath the covers. She squeezed your hand as her eyes carefully traced down to your lips.

“I have something I want to tell you,” you say quietly, avoiding her eyes.

“I do too. You go first,” she said.

You scanned her expression, taking a deep breath as you tried to get the words out. “I know we’ve been through a lot in the past few days, and in the months before that, but I’ve wanted to tell you this for a while.”

“Yes?”

“I--” you started to say, but then your brain just wouldn’t cooperate. You saw her looking at you expectantly with such openness and trust and consideration. You don’t know what came over you, but you found yourself leaning in, and Wanda was doing the same.

The kiss, or kisses, were gentle and tender. Your lips grazing over each other before retreating and then returning. But then Wanda grew impatient and lifted a hand to the back of your neck, pulling you in and keeping you there. Smiling into the kiss as it got deeper, you couldn’t help the quiet sigh that left you.

When you finally pulled back, your eyes were shut. If this was a dream, you never wanted to wake up. But upon a small giggle, you opened your eyes to see her. The gorgeous girl you loved.

“I love you too, dragă [sweetheart],” she said. You felt your face flush.

“How-how long have you been listening to my thoughts?” you asked, embarrassed about some of the things you’d thought around her.

“Since my powers started to manifest. At first I didn’t know what it was, but once I realized it was your thoughts I tried to stop, but they were too sweet. Sorry, I know that I shouldn’t have and that it’s an intrusion of your privacy, but--”

You cut her off with another kiss. “It’s okay, Wanda. It definitely made telling you easier, since you already knew.” You giggled and she couldn’t help but laugh with you. Pulling you in for another kiss, you knew that things were looking up.

Or at least you did until Pietro burst through the door, only to freeze at the sight of you kissing his sister. “Now this, I did see coming,” he teased as Wanda threw a pillow at him, but he dodged and zipped out of the room before any real damage could be dealt.

Giving you one last kiss, she sat up and stretched. Letting out a whine as she stood up, she gave you a look before pulling the covers off of you. “Come on, let’s go eat some breakfast.” Taking the hand she offered, you set out to see what this new life had in store.

Everything Tag List: @helplesshansen @arsonboirich @luna-san3

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch x reader #scarlet witch fanfiction #scarlet witch #marvel x reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel reader insert #my writing #finished request

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