asphaltdragon

[asphaltdragon]

[asphaltdragon]

The debate of all time

If you don't like brownies then this poll is not for you. Please move along

[asphaltdragon]

Toilet paper

Toilet paper on the cob

#funny #funny jokes #im losing my mind #nomnomnom #there are kids in africa shitting without toilet paper #use all of it #is there a difference in taste between 1- 2- & 3-ply #toilet paper

[asphaltdragon]

10 Tips For Making Your Retail or Service Experience Flawless:

1. SHUT UP AND LISTEN WHEN THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU

2. SHUT UP AND LISTEN WHEN THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU

3. SHUT UP AND LISTEN WHEN THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU

4. SHUT UP AND LISTEN WHEN THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU

5. SHUT UP AND LISTEN WHEN THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU

6. SHUT UP AND LISTEN WHEN THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU

7. SHUT UP AND LISTEN WHEN THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU

8. SHUT UP AND LISTEN WHEN THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU

9. SHUT UP AND LISTEN WHEN THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU

10. SHUT UP AND LISTEN WHEN THEY'RE TALKING TO YOU

#retail #service #hospitality #workplace #people #angry #funny #work

[asphaltdragon]

I've discovered the worst game in human history. I call it Dog Toy Or Sex Toy, who wants in

[asphaltdragon]

If a video has a ceiling fan in it it will become an integral part of the plot

Chekhov’s ceiling fan if you will

[asphaltdragon]

Me, showing my friends my new Hue lights: Ignore the tiny football player in my room.

Them: Tiny football player?

Me: Yeah, it's a little Messi.

#funny #soccer #football #bad jokes #messi

[asphaltdragon]

Everyone wants to play tabletop games, but they never want to play tablebottom games

#funny #top #bottom #laugh #tabletop #games #gay #lesbian #bisexual #bi #trans #transgender

[asphaltdragon]

Me: in 100+ discord servers

Also me: interacts in 4 of them

#discord #discord servers #help #why am i like this

[asphaltdragon]

Me: Ok Google, what time is it?

Google: It's 3:03 PM

Me: CAN'T TRUST A HOE, WON'T TRUST A HOE, NEVER TRUST A HOE, CUZ A HOE WON'T TRUST ME

Also me: what the fuck was that

#funny #3oh!3 #music

[asphaltdragon]

Some women are out there saying "sexuality is a choice" but then go be straight. Yeah sure babe

#gay #lesbian #bi #lgbtq #sexuality #straight #funny

[asphaltdragon]

87 year old grandmother from India brings joy into the hearts of transgender people all over the world

Kali published the following Instagram post on the role of her grandmother in her life in this Instagram post:

The necklace I’m wearing in this photo was the first gift my grandmother gave to me after I came out to show her support for my transition. My grandmother was and is still my biggest support in my life. 

When I came out to her, I was scared she may not understand it and our relationship getting ruined. She was extremely worried at first about how society would treat me and had some health issues because of the stress, but she never let me know that she was worried. 

Slowly with time, she started getting better and now Fully loves me as the woman I am. She was the one who helped me make my mom and other relatives understand and accept me. 

I asked her if she wanted to be part of a reel for @officialhumansofbombay and she was so excited to do it with me and she said she wants to give a strong message to society to help every Transgender person out there to gain acceptance and love from their family.

I have included the video from Humans of Bombay above.

The 87-year-old says that she no longer cares about “log kya kahenge” – a Hindi phrase meaning, “what will people think.”

See also LGBTQ Nation and Republic World.

[asphaltdragon]

Hey, it’s Hershey. We already got our first exciting fan letter! Let’s see what it says

It’s from Forrest. Hi, Forrest! You suggested that we should delete our account on July 17th, 2021. 

Well Forrest, I have a suggestion for you. On July 17th, 2021, I suggest you start running. 

[asphaltdragon]

A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually does it. He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is really long but eventually he gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to go get punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there’s no punchline.

[asphaltdragon]

Haha rest what the fuck is rest I just lay unconscious on my bed for 4-16 hours

#sleep #always tired #bed #please let me sleep #depression #funny

[asphaltdragon]

Ț̷̹̈h̷͈͠e̴̅ͅ ̴̯̫͂́a̵̧͜͝n̸̪̑̃ń̵̞ȉ̷̛̤v̴̞̎e̸̞̓̽r̸̻̄ŝ̴̤͖̚a̶̫̋r̵̦̬̀̑ȳ̴̞̺͘ ̴̪̏ȏ̴͔̔ͅf̴̬̈́̏ͅ ̵͈̕y̶̞̌̌ǫ̶̟͝ü̷̜̘͝r̷̩̬͂̈́ ̵̦̑o̸̤̎͘l̷͔̎͋ḋ̵̨̇ȇ̶͇̠̀n̵̠̟͝͝i̵̱͇̅ṇ̵̋͝ģ̵́ ̴̒̐͜i̶̧̓s̶̩̪̏ ̷̨̋͑ṷ̶͂̓p̵͐͜o̴̫̤̅͘ņ̴̉ ̴̯̆ͅu̶̼̽̈́s̶̫̭̿̔.̸̫͠ ̶͔̫̿̆E̴̱̓͠n̷̺̍͒j̷̪̕o̶̢̝͂y̴͓̗̋̕ ̴̦̐ͅi̴̼̘͂̀t̸̤̋̚ ̴͉͈̂́w̷̯͑̾ḩ̵̇̿͜i̶̡̅̂l̷̝̲̓͝ė̴͍̹͊ ̵͖̄y̵̖̕ǫ̶͕̽̀ů̴̮ ̵͓́c̶̜̈â̷̰n̸̯̲͆̇.̸͖͉͝

#happy birthday #cryptid #creepy #zalgo #zalgo text #if the void said you looked older since you laat met #would you agree

[asphaltdragon]

Me, at karaoke:

Tonight, I'll be singing "I Miss You" by Blink 182, entirely in the style of Tom Delonge. For those of you who aren't Blink 182 fans, you'll get a good laugh.

For those of you who are Blink 182 fans:

AHM SOOH SOOOHREEE

#blink182 #tom delonge #karaoke #funny #stupid #i miss you