ellasstories-blog
Ella's Stories.
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Ella. She never really talked much. She kept all her words inside and remained in silence. But she always loved to write. In this hiding place, you'll find her deepest thoughts and feelings about her life with depression. This blog does not promote anything.
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Quote
I'd like to think positive.
And I'd love to tell you that I'm better.
But I don't want to lie to you.
And the truth is,
That I'm getting worse again.
And lately,
Thoughts about suicide,
Have returned to my mind.
I feel defeated.
And I'm so exhausted of fighting it.
It's not easy to hold on,
When falling is an option.
Ellasstories
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Quote
It gives me the creeps.
Thinking about it.
Holding it.
Struggling.
Ellasstories
#cutting#selfharm#anxiety#depression#depressing thoughts#depressing quotes#struggle#self harm#self harm quote#cutting quote#anxious#lost#depressed#before the storm#the creeps#cut#i'm not okay#i'm so tired#tired of everything#failure#road to recovery#recovery fail#fight with myself#inner demons#before the cut#self harm thoughts#before cutting#struggling#hold on#I'm a failure
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Photo
May lights guide you home.
#lights#may lights guide you home#be yourself#there is hope#road to recovery#lights will guide you home#depressing quotes#depression#late night thoughts#insecure#anxious#work hard#recovery
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Quote
Well, so this is relapse.
And this is my ugly self,
Helplessly trying to push through,
Without getting hurt.
And this is me crying,
Because of the failure.
And screaming,
Because of the depressing truth.
I am not okay.
Not fine.
Not happy.
Not anything.
Just lost.
Ellasstories
#relapse quote#depression#depressing thoughts#depressing quotes#self harm#anxiety#depressed#depression relapse#failure#cutting#self harm relapse#i'm nothing#i'm so tired#i'm not okay#relapse#inner thoughts#thoughts in my head#i'm replaceable#lost#hiding the truth#ugly truth#leave me alone#alone#i failed#tired of everything#ups and downs#recovery#road to recovery#i'm lost#fight with me
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Quote
You don't know me.
My true self.
My thoughts.
And my feelings.
You don't know me.
My struggles,
My strength,
And my fears,
You don't know me.
Because I've never let you see me,
On dark and tearful days,
Or told you stories,
Of my nightmares,
Of my hopes for the future,
Or my secret dreams,
That probably will never come true.
You don't know me at all.
Because I'm afraid to lose you,
When you'll find out the truth.
And I want to protect you,
Of the monster inside of me.
So I'm craving your support,
While trying to push you away,
Such a tragic contradiction in itself.
Ellasstories
#you don't know me#you don't understand#depressing thoughts#depression#anxiety#fear#lost#depressing quotes#depression quotes#self harm#cutting#dark days#alone#struggle#numb#i'm scared to lose you#lost places#afraid of losing you#contradiction#true self#hide myself#secret#you don't know my life#life with depression#anxious#monster inside#thoughts#thoughts about life#push you away#fight with myself
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Quote
I isolated myself again.
Because I don't want them,
To complain about my behaviour.
I don't want to be the one,
Who is always depressed and unsocial.
But I also cannot handle you gossiping about me,
While I'm sitting right next to you.
I can't answer your questions.
And can't give you any proper reasons.
You won't understand me.
And actually,
You don't need to.
Nobody will ever understand it.
This monster inside of me.
Neither do I.
Ellasstories
#depression#depression quotes#anxiety#anxiety quotes#anxious#depressed#social fear#social anxiety#depressing thoughts#depressing quotes#self harm#cutting#isolated#alone#lost#numb#fight with myself#tired of everything#i'm so tired#you will never understand#monster inside#I'm lost#gossip#telling lies#feeling insecure#insecure#unsure#forever alone#by myself#fear
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Quote
I missed out again.
Another social activity.
Another chance to get to know people,
To try to talk to someone,
Being relaxed and go with the flow,
Having fun with friends.
This is how it should have been.
But I anxiously ran away.
To my save place,
Because I couldn't handle the pressure,
And had an anxiety attack,
So I locked myself in my bathroom,
Poured cold water over my head,
And cried for several hours,
Watched red tears dripping down my arms,
While trying to catch my breath,
Bleeding it all out.
Ellasstories
#depression#depression quotes#self harm#anxiety#pressure#run away#fight with myself#lost#depressing quotes#depressing thoughts#thoughts quotes#cutting#anxiety attack#anxious#failure#depressed#anxiety quotes#hurtful#painful memories#bleeding it out#i'm so tired#tired of everything#self harm relapse#relapse#welcome back depression#fml#exhausted#lost girl#alone#social fear
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Quote
It's 4 am, another sleepless night.
Words cannot properly describe my state of mind right now.
I just want to scream and let out all these confusing thoughts and feelings until my lungs set fire and I choke on my cry.
Because I cannot deal with it anymore.
Neither do I want to.
It's a vicious circle.
A never ending fight with myself.
I cannot win.
I simply cannot.
Ellasstories
#depressing thoughts#no way out#late night thoughts#depressed#depression#anxiety#self harm#cutting#sleepless#thoughts quotes#depressing quotes#depressive#lost#lost myself#fight with myself#self harm quotes#depression quotes#can't sleep#fight inside#my depression#relapse#depression is back#i'm so tired#tired of this shit#tired of everything#sleepless night#vicious circle#alone#lost in thought#insomnia
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Quote
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
It's so easy to tell a lie.
Ellasstories
#i'm fine#telling lies#lie#i'm so tired#depressing quotes#depression quotes#depressing thoughts#i'm not okay#i'm not fine#relapse#pretending to be okay#numb#anxiety#self harm#depressed#lost#lost myself#alone#fight inside#fight with myself#bad days#depression is back#bad thoughts#lies#hide the truth#cutting#tired of everything
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