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foreveryoursvincent · 20 days

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how easy it is to drown out every last memory of me

when you crowd into those places of sin nearly every night

as if the only place you can escape the thought of me

no place for a girl like you, nor my place to say so

but do the memories swim sometimes?

when i’ve embedded myself into every fibre of everything we once shared such sentiment to; what healed our inner child

when there’s nobody, nothing to use to silence the remnants of me?

when it’s just you and the sound of your house settling

do you ever dream of me?

do your walls scream for me as mine once did you?

echoes of the years we shared; schizophrenic

i swam alongside our memories

teaching them even

in hopes they’d learn to swim stronger than me, across the pacific, Atlantic, hell across Neptune to a deserted island

where they may rest in peace finally privileging myself to the same

ever yours

yours forever

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 22 days

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“the veil of grey has streaks of rainbow breaking through the grim ozone.”

~the words of @foreveryoursvincent

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foreveryoursvincent · 2 months

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what started as casual, light texts back and forth

swiftly escalated to you being mine, and I yours

weeks felt like years waiting for you to arrive

its been harder to be sober from your touch than it is spirits or wine

So many nights awake yet dreaming of you by my side

getting just a taste of what life would be like with ours intertwined

counting down the seconds until i am in your embrace, and you in mine

ever yours

yours forever

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 2 months

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I want

To learn everything about you

What made you the beautiful woman I fell in love with.

To know all of your dreams and aspirations

What you’ve imagined life would be like since you were young.

What did you as a little girl daydream of?

So I can make all of those dreams come true.

The smallest things that irritate you, and those that bring you joy.

To know The things I can do to bring you butterflies, never ending until we take our last breaths together.

I want to wake up and fall asleep next to that face that I just can’t get enough of.

Staring into those eyes, the eyes that we can’t quite name the colour of, the eyes that look at me with admiration, full of love; few of many reasons that make me love them all the more.

I want to make you tea when your stomach hurts, I want to make you tea just because.

I want to carry any burden you have

I want to sit and listen to you tell me about every problem you ever have.

I want to be your solution.

I want to grow old with you, until our children tell us we’re expired.

I want to watch every sunset, and every sunrise with you forever.

I want to autistically dump all my passions and interests on you; just as I want you to do me.

I want to get lost with you.

Lost in your eyes as we share an intimate moment in bed at the end of a long day.

Lost in a book, curled up on a rainy day with you.

Lost on a long drive to who-knows-where.

Lost staring out at the ocean as lil peep or kings of Leon plays gentle in the background.

Lost sharing the same magical kiss in every continent of the world.

Lost in good conversation.

An intimacy that makes me feel like the whole world has gone quiet. Just you and I remain.

I want to spin you around and enjoy our main character moments from now until ninety-nine.

I want to laugh at each other’s dumb jokes until our stomachs hurt.

I want to say this is us to everything that comes in a pair because that literally even is us.

And I will literally even care for as long as I live.

I want to silence all of your insecurities.

And give you endless reassurance any time you need.

I want to cook together, clean together, and make love like we’ve never felt before.

And celebrate every achievement together.

I want to learn everything that makes you feel good, sexually and otherwise I want to please you in every way humanly possible.

I want to memorize every curve on your perfect body so I could draw you from memory.

I want to make mundane tasks feel electric, full of romance because of the love in the air.

I want to teach our kids what love is, leading by example; Seeing how much we love each other, long after we’re old and grey.

I want one hundred dogs, and one hundred cats, one hundred hedgehogs and a hundred more.

I want to give you the peace you give me.

I want to make you feel loved like you never have before.

I want you.

ever yours

yours forever

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 2 months

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to be adored by you

is to be adored by my entire world

ever yours

yours forever

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 2 months

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i told her I’d follow her into every reality

every universe, every reincarnation, every realm

she asked me if I promised

of course, silly

i feel us as butterflies dancing together in my stomach

ever yours

yours forever

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 3 months

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I have riveting news that may come as a surprise

I sit here thinking of you with a stomach full of butterflies

thinking what will our daughter will look like, will she have your eyes or have mine?

or our son, will he be stubborn like me or like you he’ll end up kind

i fell so quickly, and so hard, she doesn’t need to try

running on 4 hours of sleep every single night

because the moment we lock eyes, rather, souls, we lose track of time

i already love you, so dearly, from meeting to dreaming of my fingers running down your spine

whispering sweet nothings as we doze off side by side

my head on your chest or yours atop of mine

listening to your heart beat as my finger traces lines

i will care for you from now until you’re ninety-nine

as if all the time ive known you passed by the time i blinked my eyes

you make me feel so safe being me, so as I take my last breath in life

i pray you share it with on the bed of which I die

yours forever

ever yours

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 3 months

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is love at first sight real?

love at first conversation

love at first time you fall asleep on FaceTime

love at first time you laugh at the same awful joke

love at first playlist they make for you

love at first fantasy about your future together

love at first time they tell you that youre not too much

whether its real or not, i know it sure feels real to me

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foreveryoursvincent · 3 months

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I’m in love

i fall too hard too fast

but isn’t that what life is all about?

taking risks?

feeling… well, feelings?

why would I pretend to be a lesser version of what I am?

why would I suppress what I feel because I’m worried it’ll scare someone off..

that it’ll be too much

I’ve always believed that you’re not too much of anything

You just haven’t found the right person to accept you for all that you are.

and if this crashes and burns

may it crash and burn as bright as a thousand suns

and may that piece of me die in that fire

content knowing i never acted as if i was a lesser version of what i am

ever yours

yours forever

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 3 months

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for as long as i live

i’d rebuild our sandcastle

if you’d let me

waves, weather, whatever comes to attack

destroying what i’d just fixed

though i guard it with my life

for as long as i live

i’d rebuild our sandcastle

if you’d let me

siempre tuyo

tuyo para siempre

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 3 months

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i still search for you

in every sunset.

siempre tuyo

tuyo para siempre

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 4 months

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another letter to her

My dearest

There’s much to tell you

But I can’t reach out, I have to keep my self respect.

It pains me so deeply

All I want is you, carefree in the passenger seat of my Porsche.

Drop the panoramic sunroof and let you stand up, and feel free.

I went to this shop by my place, it was so cool

Easiest $100 I ever spent

Got lots of cool stuff, vintage beetlejuice collectibles, a promotional item from when nightmare was coming to theatres, I got you some Sanrio earrings, within my delusions I hope I have the opportunity to give them to you.

I bought a chrome hearts necklace, it has 2 crosses on it.

Within my delusion I think it was meant for when we reunite, I give you one.

I’ve been spending a lot of time talking to the Lord. He helped me decide on where my head was at about that one topic we went back and forth about.

I wish you’d come to your senses.

The day prior, you begged and pleaded for me to stay, telling me how proud you are of me, how much you admire me.

The next day

A ghost

Leaves in the autumn wind.

Oh how I wish I got to share these memories with you.

Dominican was wonderful, if only I shared those beautiful mornings, as the sun rose upon our swim out pool.

I got so much cool stuff for Christmas, this crazy limited edition sally doll you’d love it.

I got some tattoo time to start my sleeve, I’ve shown you the reference before.

All coraline, Tim burton, oh man am I excited. I sit down with him on the 5th to plan. You’re gonna love it.

I found some vans I want to get us a matching pair of.

If only you weren’t so stubborn.

The way you’ve never had to fight for a thing in your life, yet all I know is to fight. You’re so quick to run, abandon, sweep under the rug. Oh the privilege. I pray every single day you come to your senses.

Until we meet again.

Siempre tuyo

tuyo para siempre

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 7 months

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some more i wish i could say to her

i’m writing to you through tumblr because in some weird delusion i hope you come across it

but i know you wont

that’s silly you don’t even use tumblr

i know you want me to chase you again

to be the one to tell you im wrong and im sorry

beg for you back

but i can’t do it again

no matter how bad i want to i have to stay strong

it’s eating me alive

why couldn’t you just work on yourself for me, for you,

for us

i wish youd be the one this time but as delusional i am about you seeing this

she doesnt even have tumblr

im equally delusional to think you’ll take accountability

anyways

nightmare before Christmas is in theatres in the states again

i’d love to go with you, you’re the only one as obsessed with Tim Burton as i am

speaking of movies

remember, we promised to see the last after movie together, no matter what happened

it was your promise

it’s long past now, and i forgive you

i suppose I’ll watch it on my own just to finally find out what happens between them

maybe it’ll give me an idea of us; they remind me of us

oh yeah there’s a Jack skellington Fortnite skin

ive never spent a penny on that game but you know i will haha

oh i went and pitched a store and he had the coolest collectibles

bendy and the ink machine collectables i’d never seen before

funko’s everywhere; him and i talked for the better part of an hour about coraline and claymation

finally someone who appreciates claymation as much as we do, makes me feel like we’re normal for a moment

and there’s lots of new killer klowns Merch; i still need to grab the popcorn gun from spirit Halloween; i think i’ll try to go tomorrow and grab it through my busy day

i’m taking someone else on the ghost tour on Friday, the one we went to last year; i wish it was you

but since i’m not going to Salem i have to do as much Halloween stuff around here as possible

finances are really good, i wish we could do all our halloween bucket list stuff

cirque de soleil is coming back; there’s nobody i’d rather go with

and a horror circus!

omg I got the coolest vintage Disney stuff today; a racing jacket and the coolest tees too

they gave me such a good deal; big Disney fans just like us

your dad would have loved it all

speaking of which; how is he?

i pray for his health every day

i love you all dearly

oh, have you heard bad bunny’s new album? it’s so good

anyways i suppose that’s all i

siempre tuyo

tuyo para siempre

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 7 months

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i used to see the watercolour skies

in those beautiful, God given watercolour eyes

now, it is only in passing

what would have been, could have been and what has been

ever yours,

yours forever

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 7 months

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something only she’d appreciate

hey, i just found out about dead man’s bones

Ryan Gosling has a band that made a Halloween album

i know, notebook Ryan Gosling

crazy huh

yeah I’m sitting on our bench

the perfect Autumn day, we always shared a passion for

the clouds couldn’t be more perfect

look what God made for us

the leaves are the most beautiful colours

and nice and crunchy, just how you like em

i finally got those glasses i told you i wanted

i wish i could have gotten you a matching pair

my business is booming

our financial freedom is back

i saw Adam Sandler live the other night

Rob Schneider was the host

i know, i couldn’t believe it either

you’d have loved it

i forgive you for cancelling our Salem trip

though with only 2 weeks to wait it was disappointing

that’s okay, there’s always next year

i forgive you

though you abandoning me

again

has brought some stuff up

oh well, i’ve got God and 2 great therapists

i forgive you

you know, i miss you dearly

but i can’t be the one to chase anymore

i want to be wanted, admired, adored, just as i did you

i pray you realize, i pray you drop your ego

i guess I’m not one of those things

anyways,

i should probably get home and distract myself

great catching up

Siempre suyo

Suyo para siempre

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 7 months

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actions over words she says

i sit atop the bench we had our second last conversation

initials carved, like your imprint in my soul; eternal

the elements can never wash away what is eternal

i forgot they were there, so similar to the memory of us

out of sight out of mind

until that gut wrenching reminder inevitably

hits like lightning on a lone tree in a field

you left me, at the drop of a hat

disposable

she couldn’t make it to the end of the path

returning begging and pleading

actions over words she says

finally giving me the praise i deserved all along

promises, empty promises

in this ever changing world, you wouldn’t

your feelings however

faster than the leaves from summer to autumn

autumn to winter

hollow words

actions over words she says

before i knew it

our final conversation

she ran again

escapee

those hollow words still float around my hollow skull

actions over words she says

the worst part is i’d do it all over if given the chance

no matter how many times she abandons me

siempre suyo

suyo para siempre

J

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foreveryoursvincent · 7 months

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i used to see the watercolour skies

in those beautiful, God given watercolour eyes

now, it is only in passing

what would have been, could have been and what has been

ever yours,

yours forever

J

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