#'i think sexism is bad also i think youre too stupid to know your own gender and ive decided youre a woman! i know better!' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jynjackets · 10 months

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Sorry to ask but why did you call Adria sexist? What has she done?

I don’t mind the question. I think it’s important to back up my claims so here we go.

If you watch her interviews, she's weirdly consistent about this really odd opinion she has about women.

Here she basically says men and women have different attributes when it comes to strength and toughness (which is sexist). Talking about her character that is known to "talk like a woman, walk like a woman," I don't even know what this means. But it comes off that she thinks there exists a single way a woman should act. Her character being a typical feminine-damsel type also implies her preference for this stereotype.

Reading through her other interviews she has a very narrow idea of what a woman should be, especially when it comes to ‘taking care of men’ and whatnot. I want to be clear it is one thing with having personal preferences to how you want your female characters to be presented, which is totally fine, preference is preference. But why this is problematic and moves past mere preferences is because she is saying one is better than the other. That women should be represented in this certain way.

She's done this not with just her latest character, but a lot of them.

Here she says her character is a "real woman" implying that there is a way to be an authentic woman as opposed to an inferior type. She also implies that her character is a real woman because she takes care of people. I don't feel the need to explain the issue with idealizing this.

It's again, her weird notion there's a difference between "tough" and "strong". Here she adds that women should 'own their femininity,' as if the opposite is what women are experiencing.

Not that this completely applies but it’s common for women who perceive other women to be adopting too ‘boyish’ of traits, to believe they are misogynists and rejecting their own kind. But this generally isn’t true— and the real issue with this is that it’s actually those that show conventionally masculine traits that are typically a minority and/or marginalized across women. Studs, butches, and tomboys helped pave the way and redefined culture for all women. In reality, they can be considered the epitome of feminism – proving that you don’t have to look, think, or act “like a woman” to be a woman.

It's, again, fine she may have had a preference. But to make a whole career where women are meant to be portrayed a certain way is such a red flag for me. Especially when she likens herself to them.

The rest of her snippets, to be very honest, it's just a bad fucking vibe I get from her, man. Like why would you say this?

and this?

"Sexist," one might say, might be a rather strong claim for someone who may, arguably, insist on a certain portrayal for women?

No, it fits because not only is this "preference" already largely overrepresented in media, but there are several ways of being sexist. The actress especially is exhibiting what is known as benevolent sexism, a more socially accepted form of sexism prevalent among both men and women.

Examples of benevolent sexism include:

basing a woman’s value on her role as a mother, wife, or girlfriend

focusing attention and praise on someone’s appearance rather than their other attributes

believing that people should not do things for themselves, such as manage money or drive a car, because of their gender

A lot of these can be done without intentional malice very easily! It could be seen as a complement telling someone "wow! I love your braids and lipstick, you really look like a real woman," or "my character is special and great because she is such a good friend and so loyal to this male character" without adding anything else. These, no matter the intent, are still very stupid and sexist to say.

I guess it's important to note where I am coming from and it is that I fucking hate toxic radfems. I hate how lesbian spaces drown out studs and mascs. I hate terfs and people who gatekeep identities because a certain representation isn't good enough for them. And while this actress's crimes are likely a misdemeanor compared to these awful gatekeepers, I cannot stand the stupidity of any hint of lateral violence. Especially when you’re relatively rich and famous you have a responsibility to not hold people back.

I can see that for others it’s not a big deal, hence “socially acceptable”. But it’s ideas she spouts like these that are poisonous to progress. The point should be that there should be no expectation for women. You can be anything you want because you want to. It's when I see comments to the things she says that make my blood boil like “yea! I love women who aren't so in our face ” (aka I don't want female characters with agency or opinions or as the lead) or “this is what a real woman is, sensual and feminine” (aka sexualized, long hair, tits, and ass).

I’m not above giving her the benefit of the doubt that she’s just kind of dumb. Like she’s not out here with a tradfem agenda or whatever. Outside of sexism she’s just bad at explaining anything. This is the last time I’ll probably criticize this woman because I already blocked her tag and she’s a flop anyway so she's easily ignorable. I really hate hating on women because they’re criticized enough, but there is a standard to be met when it comes to being aware and respectful. I wish I was cherry picking but I found all these interviews in like a 20 minute Google search and that's pretty damn telling of her career. She's also like 30 something years old. It's difficult watching a full adult infantilize her own character or see people believe she's "just naïve" when you can just say that they're being sexist.

#this is the last time I'll talk about her though #tw sexism #so to be clear tony is also sexist lol if that wasn't obvious #but I hate men so I just ignore most of them #there are many actresses who go through this but don't say weird stuff like this #critical #anon asks #sorry I never learned how to edit and make the longest rants #anti adria arjona #bix caleen #martine bancroft

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sapphire-weapon · 7 months

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So like, I have a very different opinion about the new direction Ada may be taking. To clarify, I know it's RE and I should never expect masterfully skilled story telling and I also don't want to stir the Ada pot, lol. Just had something niggling at me and was wondering if anybody out there can see where I'm coming from or give their explanation as to WHY I'm wrong, because I absolutely could be, but disagree like a normal and rational adult (very uncommon RE fandom occurrence /j).

In a nutshell, her arc is just fucking stupid. Is it better than OG? Yes, because the original practically just doesn't have one *shrug*, but the new direction just makes her so incredibly unlikeable and a bit cringe worthy. The whole "well I didn't THINK about the massive consequences of my actions until now honestly" trope... dude she's like thirty years old. "Oh, this guy was kind over half a decade ago and planted a seed in my brain, despite the fact I'm already a grown woman". The comparison to Ashley and Leon and what could've been. Blah, blah.... it's still incredibly sexist. It just is. My problem isn't that "Ada's mean", it's the fact that they're writing her almost infantile with how she thinks. There are plenty of other women in RE who've been through shit, had their arcs and did their thing in a way that kept their own agency. That's the part that matters, but remake Ada still hasn't quite gotten there. I think, in the long term, they WANT to make her into something that resembles a human, but it just slightly misses the mark still. She's incredibly selfish, that's fine, but her reasoning for change and introspection is headache inducing and doesn't make much sense. "I'll actively partake in terrorism for profit because I'm just that gal, y'know? I was born a femme fatale baby... but... what do you mean I could've had a romance? People I KNOW might also be impacted? Nevermind, now I'll consider why this might be bad." Dude..... come on.....

My very, very unpopular take... if this is seriously the line of thought they want to keep for her, I would rather she be killed off, and I say that as someone who ironically actually likes her and WANTS a decent story. Better to have Leon experience some forgiveness arc bullshit or whatever than have to painfully sit through another entire story of a grown woman with the reasoning skills of a preteen.

Again, I know this'll probably garner vitriol, I'm just curious to hear why I may be just approaching this the wrong way. I will admit I have knee jerk reactions to sexism, so I could very much just have a clouded vision of the potential that IS there and misinterpreting what I'm seeing in the first place *shrug*. What are your thoughts? Can you at least make sense of why I feel the way I do about this particular aspect of the game?

Your analysis is flawed for one very specific reason:

You think Ada changed from RE2make.

She hasn't.

Ada's still only out for Ada. The only thing that Leon changed about her was that he taught her how to better take care of herself. He taught her that she can't isolate in her independence, because things that go wrong for other people can negatively impact her, too.

The person who actually softens Ada is Luis, not Leon. But even then, there's no reason to think that Ada changed. He softened her to the point where she felt compelled to honor his memory and fulfill his dying wish, but she's not a better person because of it. She's gained honor from her interactions with Luis, not kindness.

She's going to still do the Ada thing of working for bad guys and profiting from the black market, because it's not about "oh no people I like might get hurt ;_;" That's not what Remake did with her. She's still doing her Ada thing. She only decides against giving the Amber to Wesker because it's the final part of honoring Luis's memory. Luis died to save two people. To then kill billions after the fact using the research that he no longer wanted to have hurt anyone is dishonorable.

But once her time with Los Illuminados is done, her time honoring Luis's memory is done. Whatever happens in Africa or the ESR or Edonia or China following this has nothing to do with him, so she's going to go back to doing her thing.

The point of having Ada watch The Leon and Ashley Show is to solidify Leon's autonomy from her and to try to further showcase how selfish Ada is. Ada still looks at Leon as a thing -- he's something she wants, and she doesn't understand why she can't have him. Making her watch The Leon and Ashley Show is meant to try to get her to reflect on why.

But it doesn't work. Because Ada hasn't changed. And won't change. And possibly can't change.

Through Leon in RE2make, Ada has become better suited to be independent. And through Luis in RE4make, Ada has become someone who keeps her word. That's what the Remakes have changed about her. That's why her story is so much better. They're not trying to make her a good guy. They're not trying to have her rethink her life. They're not trying to have her show remorse.

They're giving honor to a dishonorable character, along with a consistently selfish mindset to continue the work that she does. That's all they're doing.

And not for nothing anon but the way you keep calling her stupid and infantile is way more sexist than anything the narrative did with her. This ask came off like you hated Ada first and then reached for some sort of explanation as to why you could be justified in hating her second. There are legitimate reasons to criticize Ada, but you've cited none of them. Instead of looking at what the character was actually doing, you just slapped "she's stupid" on her.

ETA: added this post to my meta directory, because it seems important here and I should probably have it on hand.

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sweetbillwriting · 11 months

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This Is Bad, Billy

Part 3 - Life Is Too Short

Description: 1961. Joanie is a dreamer. She dreams of Hollywood, fashion and handsome men. Her favorite is the actor Billy Skarsgård. When she works as a volunteer at the hospital she meets him in an unexpected way and comes closer to him than she thought was possible.

Characters: AU Bill Skarsgård, here called Billy. He's inspired by real life Bill but also the character Clark Olofsson in the Netflix series Clark.

Setting: This story is set in the 60s L.A and a smaller town close to L.A.

Warnings: 18+, historical preferences, mental health problems, mental illness, abuse, smut, sexism, mentions about racism.

Billy moved around my room and looked at my stuff. He had thrown his leather jacket on my bed but kept his leather shoes on and succeeded in imprinting a brown footstep on my light green rug. He stopped in front of my ceiling high shelf full of extravagant porcelain dolls. I had always been proud of my collection but now I felt childish when a man like Billy looked at them.

"Is it like a collection?" He asked, pointing to them with a finger while he turned around and looked at me.

"It is. Many of them are handmade, my father bought them from his trips to different countries."

Billy made a face I couldn't read and then laughed a little.

"Aren't they quite scary? Like, watching you while you're sleeping?" He said with a creepy voice, walking slowly towards me with a hunched back and wiggling fingers. I giggled at him and moved side to side in embarrassment.

"They aren't alive, stupid," I said but cringed a little when I heard my own words. Of course he knew that. Billy smirked and continued to look around. It felt like I had killed a moment but pretended to be unbothered and sat down on my bed. He looked at my photos that stood on my vanity table. There were some from birthday parties and graduations and the picture of me with my father at my high school graduation had caught his interest. He looked at the photo and then at me.

"Is this your dad?"

I just nodded and silently wondered why he asked. Billy made a face again that I couldn't read and put the photo frame down, then he smiled charmingly at me.

"I don't know, it's something about you… It feels like you have potential," he said and sat down on the bed next to me.

"What do you mean by that?" I smiled and played with a curl that had fallen down from my updo. Billy shrugged his shoulders and looked at my face, examining.

"You can do better than this. You're much more interesting than this," he said, spinning his finger in the air.

"You're not that boring girl. Not that kind of girl that lets men run the show."

It was odd hearing a man say such a thing. I've just heard it from women my own age, girls that wanted more from life than being a housewife. I smiled at Billy and looked him in the eyes.

"My daddy thinks I should be a doctor like him. But… I'm not so good at such things."

"And why should you do what he wants? Okay, he has higher thoughts about you than being a man's servant but he wants you to be in his world, follow his rules."

I nodded and dragged my fingers over the back of Billy's hand which laid on his thigh. He took my hand in his and searched my eyes again.

"You should be in L.A. I can help you, you know."

I looked at him with big eyes of fascination but also of doubt. He was a psychiatric patient.

"I will be out of the ward soon. Trust me. I have the hearing in like a week."

"The hearing? For what?" I asked confused and looked at him with furrowing brows.

"Just a bullshit thing that they locked me up for."

I nodded a little bit but after a minute I took courage to ask what it was. Billy laughed embarrassed as he dragged his hand over his face.

"You will judge me."

"No. I promise."

"It's with a girl," he said and looked at me examining. He probably believed that I couldn't handle hearing that he had been with other girls. I nodded and looked at him curiously even if I was afraid of what he would say.

"I went down on a girl at a restaurant." He looked away and rubbed his eye in discomfort.

"Went down like..?" I asked and swallowed hard. Did he mean what I thought?

"I licked her pussy."

"Oh… But.. Is that enough to get locked in at a psychiatric ward?" I was embarrassed to hear his confession but was also confused because it sounded like an awful thing but not enough to be a lunatic.

"I have a history… I've been there before."

"For what?" I don't know what gave me the confidence to ask but it all sounded strange.

"Depression. Schizophrenia. Autism. Nymphomania. Anger issues. Manic episodes. Psychosis. Delusions. Psychopathy."

He smiled at me but didn't look happy, more like he was challenging me.

"But… You're all normal?"

Billy laughed and looked at our hands that still were wrapped around each other.

"Am I? I don't know. I've heard there is something wrong with me since my teens."

"Why?"

He pulled the corner of his mouth down and shrugged.

"Because I don't fit in. Because they can't control me. Because life is too fucking short."

I didn't know what to say. I had never believed Billy was one of the disturbed people but I had never thought about what had actually made him get admitted. I wanted to believe doctors, I wanted to believe they knew more than us others but watching Billy I couldn't deny something was wrong.

I dragged my other hand up over his arm and Billy looked at it then up to my face and leaned closer.

"Life is too short," he whispered and kissed me. I continued to hear his words in my head as we kissed and let them guide me. Guide me up in his lap, pushing him back in the bed and continue to kiss him. Billy dragged his hands down my back and squeezed my bare cheeks. His hands were big and warm and made me moan into his mouth. Life was too short. I dragged off my slip so I was just dressed in my white underwear.

Billy leaned back to be able to look at my nakedness and smiled at me.

"Beautiful girl… I think you know what I want to do to you…"

I smiled but swallowed hard. My parents were at the end of the hallway. They both had taught me to be a good girl, to save myself for marriage but I knew it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted Billy to be as close as possible and live without my father's rules.

It went fast, so fast I didn't really realize what was happening but it didn't scare me, I wanted to be in that bubble Billy created. I touched the naked skin he exposed to me, dragged my hands down his muscular back and felt with my fingertips his smooth skin and the hairs around his nipples and the trail from his belly button. He was a beautiful man, tall, slender but with all the masculine tributes a girl could ask for. I wasn't embarrassed, not even unsure what to do, something else took over and I pulled my panties down so his hands could explore me even more.

Billy smiled a little and spread my legs so he could see between my legs. I was just as wet as on our first date and it made Billy bite his lip. He dragged his hand up my thigh and then made small patterns with his fingertips between my legs and over my folds. I breathed heavily and looked at him teasing me with a boyish smile. After a while he dragged his fingers up and he found a spot that made my whole body tingle and made my leg jerk.

"Oh!" I said but it wasn't unpleasant. Far from it. The feeling took over and I let him continue.

"That's it… just let it happen…" whispered Billy and at the same time he started to do fast, harder circles over the spot. The sensation became stronger and stronger and I felt it take over my body and soul. When I moaned loudly Bill put a hand on my mouth and smirked lovingly towards me.

"Don't let your parents hear us…"

I would have probably giggled if it was in another situation but I was occupied with coming down from my high. Billy pulled down his white briefs and when I opened my eyes he stood on his knees in front of me with his hard member pointing at me.

"I hope I don't scare you…" said he softly but dragged his hand erotically over his hard on. I didn't know where to look. I wanted to look at it, watch him touch himself but it felt so exposing even if he chose to take his briefs off.

"We can stop if you want to?" He said and dragged his hands over my thighs that were on each side of him.

"No… No. I want to." I said because I really did. Yes, I was nervous but I would be later too. I wanted it now so I took the chance. Billy took hold of his dick and slowly pushed into me. It hurt a bit but it was also a new kind of pleasure and with two fingers in my mouth he started to thrust in and out of me.

×××

"Was that it?" I asked him dumbfounded and looked up at the ceiling with the sheet around me.

"I'm sorry… I came too fast…" he said embarrassed and dragged his hand over his face while lying on his stomach next to me. He laid naked and I looked at his bum, his cheeks were round and smooth and he had deep dimples on his back. I smiled at the view even if I was a bit disappointed that our love making had ended so quickly.

"You don't feel… Sticky?" He suddenly said after a few minutes of silence. I knew what he meant. His semen dripped out of me slowly but I didn't know what to do about it. Maybe he would take offense if I ran to the toilet to clean myself up.

"A little," I just said and looked up at the ceiling.

"You know, you can go freshen up. I guess you might want that?" He didn't say it meanly but he sounded like it was obvious and I felt stupid and so I left my room and ran to the bathroom without answering him. The bathroom was between my room and my parents' room but at that moment I didn't even think about how they could come out and see me naked with cum on the inside of my thighs. I just thought about peeing because as soon as I stood up I realized how badly I needed it.

Billy sat on the edge of the bed fully dressed when I came back to my room. He smiled at me when he saw me naked and licked his lips.

"I wish I could stay… But I must go back before they notice I've disappeared."

I looked at him disappointedly and pulled on my slip that was laying on the floor. I really had wanted to just snuggle a bit but didn't say that to him. He looked at me where I stood with my head bent playing with my fingers and with a small smile he dragged me down in his lap.

"Thank you… For tonight. I promise the next time… Will be better." He said it jokingly but I could see the embarrassment in his face. "And maybe we can snuggle a bit then too? I will try to come earlier tomorrow. Okay?"

I giggled and hugged him around his neck. It was insane that I had Billy Skarsgård coming to my bedroom like this. It felt like something I could just dream about but here he was and we had just made love. Had sex. I was really a woman now and I just wanted Billy as my man.

"So tomorrow?” He asked sweetly and played with the edge of my slip.

"Tomorrow," I said and leaned closer to him so he could kiss my lips.

×××

He had come to me, night after night. We made love, cuddled and talked about my future. Billy had made a plan for me. After his hearing he would call his old agent that also worked with models and then they would arrange it so that all three of us could meet in my little town. Billy was sure the man could help find me a contract at an agency then he himself could help me get an apartment in L.A. I was overwhelmed over how much Billy wanted to help me and my dreams about luxury and a Hollywood handsome boyfriend felt scarily close.

We kissed deeply in bed while I fantasized about our future in L.A. Without my parents close I would become a bleached blonde. As blonde as I could become and buy sexy lingerie and wear lipstick that shifted to orange. I would be a model.

"Hi, I'm Joan Woods, model."

I tried it in my head and it sounded so good.

"I'm a model and this is my actor boyfriend Billy Skarsgård." Or even better; husband. I would get everything in life I've ever wanted.

Billy crawled down between my legs and kissed my folds like they were my lips. I looked down at him and giggled softly. He had never given me oral sex before but I didn't even get nervous. It was just so natural. He looked up at me with a hooded gaze and licked between my folds and I spread my legs more to see what he was doing. Billy smirked at me and then worked his tongue faster all the way up to that spot that made me see stars. He worked his way between that spot to my opening and licked up and down with a fast tongue. I had just started to get really worked up when he moved away and harshly thrusted into me. I moaned loudly both in pain and pleasure.

"I want you on all four," he said after just a few strokes and as the good girl I was I did as told and he thrusted into me from behind just as hard. He worked his hips hard and skilled and I couldn't stop myself from moaning louder and louder. We were so deep in our own bubble that we hadn’t noticed the door opening. I continued to moan loudly while Billy breathed loudly watching his member move in and out of me roughly. For every stroke his member became more and more shiny with our juices.

"Rupert!!" Screamed my mother at my father which caused me to look up at the door where she stood with her fluffy robe. She looked horrified and so did I when I realized what she was seeing. Just then Billy came and his cum dripped out from my pussy and down on the bed cover.

"Joan! Joan!!" Screamed my mother with a cry in her voice.

"Mom?" I said with a small voice. I felt eleven again but with a big penis inside of me and his cum dripping. Billy continued to breathe heavily but started to dress quickly when my mother once again screamed after my father. I should have stood up and put on clothes but the shock made me stay in the same position.

"Dress before your dad comes! You… Silly girl! I didn't raise you like this!" Screamed my mother who threw my robe at me. She looked at Bill zipping up his pants with a judging, angry look.

"Rupert!" She screamed even more upset and it finally seemed to wake my father up. He looked in through my door in his striped pajamas and saw me sitting on the bed in my robe while Billy, in a panic, put on his shoes by the window, ready to jump down the window again. His light green button down hung open over his white t-shirt while he had already thrown out his jacket from the window. My dad stood quietly looking at the scene, obviously he could put two and two together and his eyes darken when he looked at Billy.

"You…!" Hissed my father towards him while Billy had one leg out the window.

"Good evening Dr. Woods, time for me to go," said he cockily and gave him a salute. My father ran up to him believing he could catch Billy before he jumped out. It was impossible and I couldn't see how my dad would be able to do something more than that towards Billy. Billy was much more muscular and could probably hold my dad down with one hand.

Billy jumped out from the window, just giving me a final smirk. My dad screamed after him, ugly words I never heard him use before then he turned to me with an equally dark look.

"And you, young lady… I will lock you in here until you have stopped being such a stupid… disgusting… Whore," he hissed and put a finger against my chest like he had wanted to shoot me if he could. I swallowed my tears and looked at my mother who stood with her head bent. Even she reacted to the word he used. Whore. Whore.

×××

Everything changed after that. My parents didn't want to talk to me, not even look at me and it felt like I was just a ghost in their home. But I had changed too. Of course I could understand it must have been traumatic for my parents to see what was happening between me and an unknown man but I never believed they would shut me out in the way they did. I would have believed they would be angry at me, scream and threaten to take away money and other conveniences but instead they had talked over my head for a week and didn't seem to care if I got home from work okay or not.

I had continued to work at the psychiatric ward but I didn't see Billy anywhere. I believed for several days that he had run away and left me behind until I actually asked Nurse Larsen. At first she didn't want to answer but then sighed and told me anyway. Billy was moved to isolation because of a manic episode. Something didn't feel right with me with that explanation because I didn't see Billy have any mental illnesses at all. I also hadn't learned what the isolation was for and after almost a week of not seeing him I took courage to ask a male caretaker I'd seen Billy with. We stood at the staff's yard and he smoked a cigarette with heavy eyes. He looked around to see so no one was listening.

"He isn't in isolation," he said and looked down at the ground. It actually looked like he cared and I wondered silently if he was the one helping Billy out at night.

"They gave him electric shock treatment so his brain is just mush right now…"

I looked at the man with horror and he looked up at me with kind dark brown eyes.

"He will be okay, after a while. Just lose some memories and… rebelliousness."

"Has he gotten it before?" I asked carefully. I knew I didn't have the right to that information but it seemed like the man felt a need to talk about it too.

"I think in Sweden. When he was young. They are worse than here than it sounds. I think he ran away from this institution and in some way succeeded to take a ferry here. And then he became Billy to all of the world."

I nodded with wonder. It was a sad story but also full of hope. Maybe his story was why he was so eager to help me come to L.A.

"I want to see him," I said determined but the man just laughed a little.

"He will be locked in for a long time. And he wouldn't want you to see him like that. With empty eyes and drool on his shirt."

I swallowed hard and felt my heart beat with worry for him.

"When can I see him, you think?"

The man looked out over the yard and then at me. He took a deep drag.

"They canceled his hearing indefinitely. Because of his "episode". They’ll do everything to make him seem like the worst maniac. Don't ask me why. Maybe jealousy? White old men, you know. My people know all too much about them," he smirked bitterly but then continued.

"I'm not sure we will see him again. They will probably move him into a locked institution. Maybe he will even be isolated for the rest of his life…" he said defeated and sighed. I stood for a long time and watched him before I started to sob. The man looked at me a second but then took a deep drag again.

"He is a good man, just too colorful for this world. Like many of the patients here," he said with a low voice before stubbing out his cigarette with the toe of his scuffed shoe and left me alone on the yard.

×××

It smelled of roast chicken when I got home. Lucky for me I still received food even if my parents seemed to want to forget about my existence. It smelled heavenly. I looked into the kitchen where my mother stood making a fruit salad for dessert.

"It smells great, mom," I tried and took off my coat and went into her. She didn't answer, just continued to chop a banana.

"Mom?" I said to see if she reacted at all but it didn't seem like it. It was like I didn't even exist.

"Mom, please talk to me, please! I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry! But I love Billy! And we're going to move to L.A. and…" I said it with a high upset voice that must have upset and stressed my mom because instead of slicing the banana she cut her finger and made a pained, shocking sound before moving to the sink to hold it under running water.

"Mom!" I said again like I hadn't even seen her injury.

"Yes?!" She screamed angrily at me and turned around. I had rarely seen my mother mad so her sudden outburst scared me a bit.

"Please talk to me," I said with a small voice. She looked at me with an angry expression at first but it soon got defeated. She sighed and looked up at the ceiling to hold her tears in.

"Can't you understand? You can be pregnant and then your life will be destroyed. He is mentally ill! Insane! He can't help you with a child. Joanie, what if you're pregnant?"

She looked at me with glassy eyes while blood from her finger dotted the kitchen floor. I stood in silence and felt a lump in my stomach grow. Or was it a child? I didn't know. My mom was actually right this time, I couldn't have a baby.

"When did you have your… period?" She whispered like she was afraid my father would hear even if he wasn't home.

"...oh, now?"

My mom gave me a confused look but then relaxed and even laughed a little.

"Well then you can't be pregnant?"

She said and shook her head towards me. First it didn't connect for me, I had never really needed to think about such things then I remember the biology lessons. I smiled a bit relieved and looked at my mother again who laughed a little again and I joined her. She took a deep breath and looked at me seriously.

"I'm really disappointed in you, Joan. I understand… He is handsome. So tall! But… You must think about your future. He can talk the talk but he is mentally ill."

I looked down and saw her finger bleeding and took a napkin to help her at the same time I thought about what she said. Billy wasn't mentally ill. Or was he? I actually didn't know and his promises sounded so good but now he was locked up somewhere.

We stood close together by the sink while I held pressure on her finger.

"When your father gets home…" she said worriedly and looked at me. I nodded sadly. I knew what she wanted to say. When my father got home she had to ignore me again. I looked at her questionably. I really hoped what Billy had said was true because I really didn't want to become like my mother.

#bill skarsgård #bill skarsgard #fan fiction #writing #story #bill skarsgård writing #bill skarsgård fanfiction #fiction #clark

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vivithefolle · 2 years

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Hello! I just wanted to pop by and say I’m sorry for spamming your blog with likes and reblogs the last couple days. I just was desperately looking for Ron content I hadn’t seen before and kinda fell in love with your blog (I also found you on Quora and love your answers there also)! I’d keep going back even further than I made it (sorry if that’s creepy) if I didn’t keep losing my spot and having to scroll all the way back to where I was (stupid phone). I want to be as bold as you are when it comes to defending Ron. He’s my hyperfixation and the way you passionately defend him is amazing. You take no shit and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for loving Ron. I love your fight back attitude because you’re right - Ron fans have spent decades fighting for our lives in this godforsaken fandom. Anyways, thank you for inspiring me to be loud and proud about defending Ron. It’s becoming a hobby of mine.

Don't be sorry! I'm glad you enjoyed my blog! Do keep in mind though that I've been... needlessly aggressive in the past, over sometimes misunderstandings. I can be much too angry, so... be careful. I tend to forget that behind the messages, there's another human being... ... a human being that's also a Ron-bashing asshole, yes, but a human being nonetheless.

Anyway yeah!! It's exhausting how much casual Ron-hate is still tossed around, and how even Romione shippers will call shitty toxic tropes "cute :)". Yeah sure, maybe Hermione saying "oh Ron you're MY idiot :)" was cute once. But when you've seen over a thousand fics where Hermione calls Ron "MY idiot :)" while Ron gets cruxified the SECOND he's upset at her, yeah that's not being a Ron fan, that's just being a Mary Suemione simp.

I should really finish my fanfictions, show an example of what kind of content I wish Romione could be. Enough of the bootlicking for Hermione, enough excuses for her, enough of thinking that her academic results are somehow proof of her being on another level of being. I hate that kind of thinking. People really have no idea what school does to kids, do they?

Other folks have talked about it before, and it's true, that a lot of Ron-hate is steeped in social issues. Classism, elitism, sexism, ableism, puritanical Calvinist bullshit from the USA's finest """Christians""". The notion of Ron being "useless" and how that means he shouldn't be friends with Harry and Hermione... like, my guy, you know that's the way Voldemort thinks right?

It's kind of astonishing how badly this fandom misses the point of the whole series (it's not like Rowling was being subtle about it!!), but then these are the idiots that worship Draco Malfoy and claim he was redeemed when his last action pre-Epilogue was to claim he was on the Death Eater's side. If that's the role model these folks want then no wonder they can't appreciate Ron: Ron actually recognized when he fucked up and actually apologized and tried to do better, while Draco was saying racial slurs and showed no remorse aside from that time he cried about how murdering people is hard. Of course the fandom of folks who believe that Harry should forgive Malfoy when Malfoy never apologized would assume that Ron is a bad guy: can you believe that Ron shows remorse? Remorse is for weak people. Only cool people don't have remorse, because that means they have nothing to regret. That's how it works right?

Anyway. The HP fandom sucks, it's a cesspool of bigoted jerks that like to pretend they're really progressive but are just a mirror of their much-loathed author whom they still worship through Hermione dearest. Rowling's books teach us that it's okay to impose your ideas onto the "lesser" peoples because it's for their own good, that a few performative words about how you think everyone is equal is enough to have you branded "tolerant" even your other behaviour is the polar opposite (see how Hermione will chide Ron for being "racist" towards giants when he points out that they're violent... only to be a quivering terrified mess in front of Grawp, yeah, I can smell the tolerance from here), and OF COURSE, that girly girls are dumb sluts here to steal yo man. Oh and also that the man is always to blame, and if he's feeling hurt by something, it's invalid unless he's an orphan.

This fandom sucks, but that's the only place where there's a tiny chance to find actually decent Ron content. Woe.

#vivi answers #harry potter #hp fandom #ron weasley #ron weasley defense squad #ron weasley defence squad #romione #hermione granger #hp meta

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oozeandgoo-art · 11 months

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Links, tag system, and additional info.

I try to avoid reblogging things to this account - that's what my main blog is for. If you see a reblog on here, feel free to let me know so I can delete it!

I handle all commissions through my professional email, artcommissionsbyred (at) gmail (dot) com. For the foreseeable future, my commissions are closed.

If you would like a heads-up on upcoming commission availability, please subscribe to my mailing list here! (Mailing list subscribers also get earlier or sometimes even exclusive access to things like limited-time slots, which I sometimes do when I'm hard up for quick cash.)

Outside Links:

Twitter: OozeAndGoo_Art

Ko-Fi: OozeAndGoo_Art

Bigcartel: OozeAndGooArt

Wordpress: OozeAndGooArt

FurAffinity: TheRedDragon13

Main Blog: @bitegore

Rules of Engagement:

This is a sideblog. I have a lot of people blocked from my main blog, none of which are blocked from this blog. It's okay if you've been blocked from my main for you to reblog from this sideblog - I have genuinely thousands of people blocked, for reasons that are arcane and sometimes really stupid even to me, and if you behave in a rude or unpleasant manner I'll just block you from this blog when it comes up. Go nuts.

This blog contains quite a bit of adult-oriented art, all of which is both marked "mature" using Tumblr's content settings and tagged accordingly. Please browse at your own discretion, and remember to use filtering options where necessary.

In general, off-topic commentary in the reblogs, tags, and replies is totally fine and I like seeing what you guys have to say even when it's not directly about the art. That being said, please do not talk about either how much you hate the character in the art or think the art looks bad. "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything" is a good rule to live by, and also it's annoying and rude. Likewise, don't put discourse on my posts. I don't want to hear about it. If you have an opinion about the characters or art that is negative, feel free to make your own post! You can even add my art to it (with a link to this page) if you really want to talk about the art in particular.

Please repost my work only with credit (a link back to this page). Use of my art for avatars, header/sidebar banner images, edits, remixes, collages, and related is entirely okay as long as credit is given. My canon character redesigns are also completely free to use and no credit is required as long as you've done the actual drawing yourself. If you're using my art for something, I'd like to hear about it, but it's not required - it's just really flattering. Please do not remove my captions, however. Just make a repost.

If you want to print one of my pieces for personal use, feel free to reach out to me! I will happily re-color/re-balance the colors so that it will print nicely if I have the time, free of charge. If you want one of my pieces tattooed, go for it, consider this blanket permission. I'd be surprised and I'd love to hear about it, and also I have no qualms at all. Go for it.

Everything is okay to tag as kin/id/etc or claim as muse references. Have fun with it, I don't care. This goes for my ocs too, I really couldn't care less. However, if you disagree on characterization from what I've drawn, please don't tell me about it.

Obligatory "don't be bigoted." This is a racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, xenophobia, religious discrimination, and everything else-free zone. I'm not perfect, and therefore if I've created something that comes over wrong, you are more than welcome to voice your opinion on that, but please approach me in private first*, and message me on my main blog rather than the sideblog as I actually check that account.

Feel free to ask me to tag for more than I currently tag for- either for search reasons or to be able to more easily filter things. I may refuse to use certain tags at my discretion.

Tags:

content warnings: all content warnings begin with the phrase "contents" to help disambiguate them from generic phrases.

#contents: a little raunchy for tumblr - not quite dirty, but still running on adult themes. Rated pg-13 instead of nc-17.

#contents: not safe for Tumblr - the Naughty stuff. All should be marked mature already.

#contents: blood - has blood

#contents: gore - has organic/meat gore

#contents: robogore - has robot gore, presented like something other than organic flesh

#contents: death - someone's dead on screen

#contents: flashing - something in the image flashes in a way that may not be safe for photosensitive viewers.

#contents: dubious or nonexistent consent - there is sex or sex acts of dubious or explicitly nonconsensual nature happening on screen.

#contents: all edge and no point - general assorted tag for finding things that are just really edgy for no good reason. suicide jokes and torture and that sort of thing.

fandom-specific tags:

#transformers - transformers art, including humanformers. At this time I don't tag continuity.

#macaddam - safe-for-work transformers art (for search discovery)

#valveplug - spike and valve NSFW transformers art

#plug and play - cable-play NSFW transformers art

#sparkplay - spark-play NSFW transformers art

#humanization - a character that isn't normally a human, depicted as one.

#rukaan and #deer - Fields of Valhalla (deviantart ARPG) art, mostly depicting fantasy deer creatures. (#deer is there for search discovery and being easy to remember; "rukaan" is the actual name of the fantasy species.)

#dragon - there is a dragon. everyone likes those

#scalie - anthro reptiles - in this case, basically all dragons.

#oc - original characters. Everyone's got em, right?

[character names] - tagged as needed for search purposes. Characters with multiple names may or may not be disambiguated at essentially random. OCs are also tagged by name.

personal navigation:

#red redesign g1 stunticons - my stunticon fan redesigns. sometimes you don't want to see fan redesigns, so now it can be filtered - without having to filter anyone else's stuff, even!

#au: androidformers - the specific humanoid-android designs for the transformers G1 "humanformers" au I have lying around.

#fursona - this character is one of my fursonas. Typically this just refers to Taz.

#mass post - if there's a bunch of pictures in one post because I don't think they can really stand on their own merits or are part of a sequence, this lets you filter that away.

#closerverse - art for a personal original universe.

art navigation:

background - art with a significant focus on the background or scenery. This may include photo overpaintings where the background is significantly relevant even if I didn't paint the background by hand.

#monochrome - art in monochrome - may include duochrome (two-color) work. This tag used to be "black and white" - older pieces may still be tagged with that instead.

#lineart - art that is just relatively clean lines

#doodle - unfinished art with a focus on round, smooth lines and cute shapes

#sketch - unfinished art with more jagged shapes and realistic proportions

#traditional media - art made in "real life", typically with some element of digital color or retouching anyway.

#3d - art that uses some element of 3d renders in it, either as part of a painting that was then painted over or as a whole 3d render without painted-on effects.

#photo overpainting - art where I saw a cool photo and painted something into it without repainting the entire photo from scratch, so large chunks were not made by me.

#animation - animated work (typically short looping gifs), stuff where the characters move

#animated effects - animated work where elements move, but the characters are static - flickering light effects, stuff like that.

#meme redraw - art made in the style of a meme. Sometimes this is entirely redrawn and sometimes it's a photo overpainting.

#gift art - art made for other people for free or with minimal direction

#commission - art made on commission with significant input from the client

*Why do this in private? There are a number of reasons: the first, and most relevant, that it means other people aren't going to randomly jump in and change the subject, so we can have an actual conversation rather than something that comes over more like a random accusation I may not fully understand out of the blue. Secondly, I have a solid handful of followers that I expect would probably defend me, and you don't need people jumping down your throat for "attacking" a person they like, especially if you're right but even if I think you're wrong. I also don't want to deal with that. Finally, I don't like being stuck between trying to understand more and feeling like I have to "save face" because the latter is bad for actually learning and growing as a person. I - of course - still do my best to learn in public, but without the pressure of a significant amount of outside observers it's easier for me to form an initial response and have a normal conversation. You can always take it public later, if you're convinced I've done something wrong and won't make amends. At that point I'm sure we're just going to be enemies so asking you not to is gonna go nowhere lmao. I take bigotry and my own biases seriously, but it's possible that after we discuss and I do some of my own research, we may come to different conclusions as to the relative problems with a certain depiction, discussion, or behavior. This is a normal part of socializing. Please give me the grace of holding a conversation with me first before jumping to getting on my case publicly. (If you're scared of reprisal, first of all, don't be because I don't like to do that, but secondly, you can just make a throwaway account to message me with. It's easy.)

#housekeeping #pinned #sfw

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robboybot · 1 year

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Because I just KNOW people on Twitter can’t handle being corrected and I’m not looking to be mobbed today I’m gonna say it here instead

That whole “respect people because you don’t know what they’re going through” thing isn’t exactly the ideal motto and is kind of garbage.

Why do we have to live pretending everyone is secretly suffering or “going through it” for them to deserve basic respect??? Why can’t people just, idk, have basic compassion for other people without them having to play the suffering Olympics to prove they deserve respect lmfao. Why should someone’s medical history be public to defend their right to their own autonomy???

This is in response to a tiktok posted on Twitter of a cis woman defending her cis sister being misgendered because she had breast cancer and basically laid out her entire medical history as a reasoning for “why she looks like a tomboy” (her wording not mine), and that the person misgendering her was given a “gotcha, you made fun of a cancer patient so you should feel bad for misgendering her” instead of. Idfk, hey! This person you don’t know presenting gender differently shouldn’t be misgendered because it’s transphobic, homophobic, and sexist?? And their presentation of gender isn’t your fuckin business lmao??

It’s ableist sure to assume everyone can perform gender when they’ve suffered illnesses that don’t allow them to “look a gender” but also… why should we be pitying the “poor disabled people” (like myself) for not being able to “look their gender” instead of targeting the fact we deserve basic damn respect to present how we want? Spend your energy calling out how transphobia and homophobia on gender presentation is inherently linked to ableism, sexism, and so much more instead.

I’m sorry to those who suffer in ways that stop them from presenting the way they want because of medical conditions (hell I have that too), but for the love of god we deserve not to be misgendered not because we might be suffering. the problem is PEOPLE JUST SHOULDN’T MISGENDER PERIOD out of basic decency because it’s none of their business!!!

The whole “you don’t know what someone is going through” shtick doesn’t help anyone because now everyone is putting out their insanely personal information and medical histories just to justify being allowed to exist. I’m sick of it.

people need to stop thinking they’re properly defending the right to gender presentation when in reality they’re just supporting a whole other harmful ableist idealism. People shouldn’t misgender because it’s fucking misgendering. End of story. Cis or trans, doesn’t matter who the person is or what their condition is. It’s bigoted and wrong to use the wrong pronouns. You don’t have to justify defending someone from misgendering with a story, defend them because it’s a basic human right to autonomy for us to be respected in our identity and how we present our appearances.

Tear down the stupid binary of how you see masculinity and femininity, including the one in your head, and maybe you’ll stop misgendering people.

It goes deeper than that but I’m tired and done lol. Also if you have no reading comprehension, no I’m not saying that person wasn’t wrong for misgendering a cancer survivor, but the reasoning of why they shouldn’t have done so should NOT be because she had cancer.

#chat

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xpc-web-dev · 1 year

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typical sexism from you females.. Every girl with pronouns on their bio is so toxic bunch of hypocrites. Stop dividing against men. your paranoia and fear isn't a reflection of the reall world. youre just brainwashed and brainwashing other girls on social media spreading misinformation. typical stigma towards men on tech. none of yall take responsibillity for your own actions. not our fault not many of you are in this tech field. hypocrites.

Girls, in today's class we have a living example of what I said this week.

Never let a sexist, male chauvinist and misogynist man make you feel inferior, because he will definitely be stupid.

UHEHUEUEHUEHUEUEHHEUHEHUEHUE UEUUHEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUEHUE

We even noticed that in addition to not knowing what sexism is, he has text interpretation problems, he is exactly what I said, because I didn't make a generalization (at no time did I say ALL MEN), if he offended is because he is exactly sexist, sexist and misogynistic.

And girls this makes a lot of sense because he is LITERALLY everything he said I am.

Soon he is talking about himself in 3rd person and I can prove it HUEUHUHUEUE.

1- He called me and called other women who put her/her in the bios of toxic and hypocritical, and it was precisely him who took the time to send me an aggressive message and probably with the intention of making me feel bad. Is this not toxic?

2- Then he says "you don't take responsibility for your own actions", BUT HE IS the one who sends me a 100% anonymous message, after all he doesn't want to ASSUME the RESPONSIBILITY of the consequence of talking shit to me. Too easy to text me aggressively but not allow me to return a reply on your dm, right?

3-Says I'm brainwashing you because I'm turning you against men and that's so sexist, he subjugates women to the point of indirectly saying that whoever reads what I said has no critical sense/cognitive ability to think for themselves only.

+ Besides, brainwashing is nothing less than manipulation, which is exactly what he's trying to do, make me feel bad and he's the owner of truth and justice.

+ And this is also so egocentric, the person has to be very mentally unbalanced to think that his opinion will manipulate a mass.

I'm just a regular person with a blog.

+++Guess someone's parents didn't warn them that the world doesn't revolve around their shitty little opinion UHEUHEUHEHUEHUE

4-Finally, the coolest thing, he is a hypocrite, because well, although I think he doesn't know the meaning of the terms he uses, he is a beautiful hypocrite.

He condemns certain actions and instead of having an aversion to them, he reproduces them.

Here in Brazil we have the meme " Finally the hypocrisy " and I think he would love it

Here the meme:

HUEUHEUHEUHEUUHEHUEUUHEHUEUHEHHUEUHEHUEHEUHEHUE

Now I want to give some advice:

- I usually ignore this kind of thing, when I notice that the person's problem is self-centeredness/want to attract attention with hate because their life is shit I ignore it because being ignored is a stab in their emotions.

But here, I wanted to answer because First I was like, Why is someone bothered by me??Then I laughed and I understood that he was very hurt just by my saying not to bow our heads to stupid men.

And what do men like that hate? Women smarter than them.

So why not show all the logical flaws in your argument?

IAnd also to show other women that we should NEVER shut up when someone wants to make us feel inferior, stupid or villainous/bad. Even more so if it's from a stranger on the internet or and especially someone from your personal life.

Insecurity and fear may exist, but I wish you can always have courage!

Be well, drink water and women you are amazing, capable and smart.

#woman in stem #womanintech #Don't bow your heads to stupid men #And please #if you're going to attack someone #make at least one fake profile.#It will still be cowardly #but it will be better than a 100% anonymous message HEHUEUHUEE

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tavarillasgalen · 4 months

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Not sure what it says about me that I used to live for media that was like "ugh, of course it was a MAN who caused these problems" and "people should absolutely feel guilty for what people they may not even have any relation to did hundreds of years ago and Repent for it" and "omg this person didnt know about this obscure identity/sexuality, they're SUCH a bigot!!!!"

and now I read stuff like that and I'm just like... c'mon now. This is ridiculous.

99% sure it's just maturing, lol. And also distancing myself from people who would say things like (in all seriousness too, like... they were not joking in the slightest) that they hate "lighteyes" and strangers not immediately knowing your pronouns are something like ze/zem is beyond hateful. And having your "friends" say things like white cis women are the root of all evil, but then if you, as a white cis woman, are hurt or confused by why they are even friends with you then, that's you being racist and trying to make the world revolve around you instead of genuine like... if you hate people like me so much, why am I even in your life. And not being able to say anything, because no matter what, you were always "talking over" someone else, and you doing anything was "taking up space that should be given to someone else!!!" so i felt so guilty for wanting to pursue my dreams and wanting any sort of success because that meant i was "taking it away" from someone else. and there was always this unspoken competition among them all of who had it worse.

Like, after being in circles like that, and seeing how people take literally anything as a sign of hate, it made my anxiety go insane. Because I KNEW there are many people out there who would be like, omg, this person didnt look at me when we passed each other on the sidewalk, they're so bigoted!!! They think they're so much better than me, how awful!!! Omg, this person smiled at me when passing me on the sidewalk, they're trying SO HARD to seem like such a good ally, how fake!!! And like. You would think, with the ridiculous of that, that I'm exaggerating. But I'm not, in the slightest. That's what those far left people are like. Anything can be used as an example of sexism, of racism, of queerphobia, of literally anything.

And just, after distancing myself from that, I realized just how much I too had fallen prey to that mindset of being a perpetual victim and thinking anything ever was because of me. This person being short with me was OBVIOUSLY because of sexism, there's no way it could be because that person was just having a bad day!!

And then the longer its been since you've been around people like that, the more you realize just how... absurd that is. Like, sure, could someone be short with me because I'm a woman and they think women are stupid and overly emotional and exaggerate everything? Sure. But it's far more likely that if someone is short with me, it's because they've got their own things going on. And also, I could have done something or said something that was annoying or taken the wrong way.

Like, I'm not a conservative. But the conservatives are 100% right when they talk about how narcissistic that mindset is, to assume that anything ever has to do with you and anything that doesn't go how you want is a personal attack.

And like. It's a good thing to want positive change. But if you think even the slightest perceived transgression means that a person hates you and isn't actually on your side and they must be canceled and have their life ruined, like... you're doing far more harm than good, lol.

I WISH this post was an exaggeration. But this is genuinely what those "friends" were like. And I'm so glad I cut them off, lol. And I'm glad I stopped thinking the way they did because I was so angry and so exhausted and so guilty (for the color of my skin and the fact that I'm cis - neither of which are things i have any control over whatsoever) 24/7. Being a constant victim and taking everything personally/as a sign of an -ism or -phobia does absolutely nothing to help you and only ever keeps you miserable.

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nerdwhoauthorinserts · 2 years

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Stupid vent, just need to get this off my chest, I guess.

[TW: VENT, Parental abuse, Parental neglect, Mental health, Ableism, Suicide mention, Educational neglect(?), Mention of a panic attack.]

Nothing like your brain being bombarded with thoughts about how you’re a disgusting slob, a dumbass, and that there was no reason for you to have a panic attack earlier and that you’re being a massive baby about a non-issue. (Maybe mostly because your parents started mocking and chastising you for crying? Toxic masculinity included? “A man wouldn’t cry like a bitch about this?” type shit?)

Nothing like those thoughts circling back to your F/Os and your brain suddenly bombarding you with ideas that your F/Os wouldn’t actually love you and they’d think you were a disgusting pig of a human being, lmao. (Simultaneously my F/Os are my biggest comfort, and also my brain’s biggest weapon against me.)

Nothing like the feeling of suddenly wanting to disappear resurfacing just as you thought you’d gotten away from this stupid bad mental health bullshit, haha

Nothing like your brain suddenly beating you over the head with the idea that you’re using your disability as an excuse and things ‘aren’t that bad’. Which, in all honesty, you probably got from your ablest parents, one of which thinks you aren’t even Autistic despite being medically diagnosed, lol. A father that doesn’t believe in therapy, constantly gaslights you, calls you ‘crazy’ for having anxiety and shit, lmao.

Haha, twenty years I’ve spent being slowly chipped away at by these two abusive fucks, lmao. I’ve tried to commit su*cide twice and yet they care so little about me that they don’t even remember walking in on me trying to stab myself lmao. “What? No, you’re not stupid enough to do that.” (A direct quote) even on that day they didn’t seem to care. Oh sure, whine about it for an hour, but then everything went right back to normal. Abuse, Neglect, and some talking shit about my sister behind her back for good measure.

Between the abuse (Physical, Verbal, and Emotional.), the gaslighting, the casual sexism/queerphobia/racism, and the ableism/disbelief in mental health, I don’t know how I’ve managed this long, haha

Though honestly yeah, wondering why anyone would care about someone like me, lmao. Some prick with bad eyesight and a busted brain? Some piece of shit who can’t even take control of his own life? A dumbass who was pulled out of the school system before he could even pass elementary school? Yeah, right. As if someone would actually love me, right?

Way too much baggage, too little to make up for it, that’s all there is to it.

#can I just have a break #can I just have one break #do you know what its like to be manhandled by your own father?#god I wish they got a divorce all that time ago lmao #I desperately want to cut contact with these people lol #have I been adding enough 'lol's and 'lmao's to make it seem less serious yet?#vent #possibly triggering #tw: vent #tw: mental health #tw: angst #tw: parental abuse #tw: panic attack #tw: ableism #tw: abuse #tw: sui mention #tw: dad mention #tw: parental neglect #tw: divorce mention

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vanderlindemorgans · 3 years

Text

Mr. Perfectly Fine

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Javier Peña x Reader

Word count: 5.2k

Summary: Two weeks after breaking up with you, you're picking up the pieces of your heart that had been broken by your now ex-boyfriend Javier Peña. You want answers, a clear reason as to why things fell apart. The only problem is that Javier refuses to even acknowledge your existence

Warnings: A little bit of period-typical sexism, but not much, Javier being an asshole, mentions of prostitution, some low level typical Narcos themes

Authors Note: So this idea has been swimming around in my head ever since the song was released last week. I already had a Bad Breakup fic for Javi planned but I’ve decided to extend it into three parts! Also reader speaks in English bc I do not understand a word of Spanish other than that one line in Ultraviolence. None of this is beta read, so there’s bound to be a few mistakes - if I get anything really wrong then let me know.

Part 2 | MASTERLIST

The tension in the room was so thick that you could cut it with a knife. From the moment someone walked in they could feel it, the stifling air of awkwardness surrounding every single person in the room as they pretended to carry on with their work, averting their eyes to the spectacle presented in front of them, a war of agitation rife between two agents sitting across the room from each other as well as the unfortunate Steve Murphy who just happened to sit between you two. From your end it was simple silent fury, directed right across the room to where your partner, or rather, ex-partner, Javier Peña was seated at his own desk, casually leafing through mountains of paperwork and suspect photos as if you weren’t practically shooting daggers at him from across the way.

He wasn’t doing anything, and that was exactly the problem - you wanted him to do something, say something, anything, if only it would show that he even gave a damn about the situation at all. But he never did. Every morning when he walked into work carrying a black coffee in his hands, his top shirt buttons hanging loose as they always seemed to be and his hair mustled as if he hadn’t been sleeping properly, he said nothing. He walked past you as if you weren’t even there, ignoring your stares and crashing down at his desk, ready to continue the endless chase for Pablo Escobar. And it infuriated you. Oh lord, how it made you burn. With every refusal of acknowledgement he gave, you became even more tempted to march right over to him and strike him across his stupid handsome face. You never did, of course, and you never would. Physical confrontation just wasn’t your style. Nevertheless, the mere thought of such did bring you a small bit of joy to your broken little soul.

Things had been going like this for two weeks now. You hadn’t expected much on the first morning back in the office after what had happened between you. A part of you wanted him to come grovelling to you, insisting that he’d made a mistake and begging for you to take him back. That in itself was nothing more than a fantasy: Javier Peña was too proud to grovel. If anything, his behaviour shouldn’t have surprised you in the slightest. He was the one who broke up with you over a 27 second phone call, after all.

Despite taking that into consideration, you thought by now you would have heard something from him. He’d have to talk to you eventually since you two were working the same case. Apparently no, because it appeared that he went out of his way to deliver every piece of correspondence meant for you through to Murphy, letting him act as a sort of unwilling middle man between the two of you. You knew that Steve already felt awkward enough having to be in the same room with the two of you whilst this was all going on, so your sympathy for him deepened when he was thrust into the even more awkward position of messenger. Sometimes you swore he made up fake meetings with Messina to attend to or new leads to investigate just so he could get away from the suffocating air of hate around you and Javi. And really, who could blame him?

You felt your nose twitch in annoyance as you trained your eyes forward to him, periodically looking down at various files of intel to keep up the facade that you were indeed working, though you eyes were across the room for most of the time, searching for any sign of emotion on his face. Nothing, zilch, not a single trace, his expression only showcasing general indifference, as if nothing were wrong at all. You gripped your hand tightly around the edge of your pen, thinking of everything you wished you could say to him. How’s your heart after breaking mine, Javi? For your information, ever since you pulled that bullshit on the phone, I’ve been miserable as all fucking hell. Before all that happened, I wanted to try. I was even ready to try to forgive you after that stupid fight, but you just had to make that call. You know what? I’d actually hate you less if you just acted like you cared a little that we broke up. But noooo, you’re just Mr. Perfectly Fine, what with your ignoring me and your casual cruelty, your always showing up at just the right time, and your insincerity, and the way you think everything fucking revolves around you. Well, I’ll tell you something Javi - I’m done! Absolutely done with you and your shit. Jump off a cliff for all I care!

“I’ll be back later on, gonna go follow up on a few leads” your thoughts were cut off by Javier’s abrupt announcement, your eyes gracing themselves upwards to watch him hastily scoop his jacket off the back of his chair and skulk his way out of the office. Every bitter word you wanted to say to him burned on your tongue, though you only managed to settle on a simple yet seething glare while his eyes glazed over you, rushing himself out of the room as quickly as humanly possible. You noticed Murphy look over his shoulder like he was about to say something but it was too late - Javi was already long gone.

_______

Letting out a low groan of frustration, you slammed the door to your car shut and threw your head back against the seats headrest, the stress of the job and the emotional weight of the day combining to make you even more tired than you would usually be at the end of a long day. Javier hadn’t been back to the office since he left, leaving both you and Murphy to pick up all the work he’d left in his absence. If that wasn’t infuriating enough, the thought of him running around all of Bogotá just to avoid seeing you brought your anger to new unreachable heights. It was annoying - him not being around should have left your mind to be free to do some actual goddamn work but instead, just as before, every single moment he occupied your mind, living there permanently as if it were his right. How much more infuriating could that man get?

Thankfully, the drive home wasn’t any more of a nuisance than usual, since the apartment complex you shared with the others wasn’t that far from the embassy, so that was a small positive at the very least. Once you’d pulled up to the lot you were feeling a lot more level-headed than you did before, and were mainly looking forward to kicking back in pajamas and watching whatever was on TV with the leftover pizza from the night before. It wouldn’t do much to take your mind off everything with Javi, though, you knew that much. Still, a small bit of bliss was still bliss.

Your apartment was down the hall from Javier’s, which had made it easier for you two when you were together but now felt like another sore reminder of what had been. Sighing heavily to yourself, you kicked the door to your car shut and stuffed the keys into the pocket of your jeans. A minor annoyance, sure, nothing you couldn’t handle though. You wondered if he would even be back right now. He had to be, right? An idea started to creep into your head at that thought, taking root and festering until you had practically talked yourself into doing it already, descending up the stairs with a sense of purpose behind you. Maybe if you showed up on his doorstep you could force him to confront you, make him look you in the eye. Any sort of acknowledgement to what you two had would be nice at this point, and if you had to take action yourself to get him to do it, then so be it.

The closer you got to his door the more you felt you should turn back, a feeling of uneasiness beginning to form somewhere deep in your chest. This might be a bad idea. What if you two got into a fight again? As much as you wanted nothing more than to hurl some carefully crafted insults at Javi and his stupid gorgeous face, you weren’t exactly up for a full on battle that could result from it. Would it be better to simply go home and ignore your problems a little more?

Once you were only inches from the door was when you started to hear it. At first it sounded muffled, on account of the fact that there was a physical barrier between you and them, and you weren’t quite sure exactly what you heard at first but when you pressed yourself closer to the door you could hear it all clear as day - a woman moaning loudly on the other side, whimpering out Javi’s name and betraying exactly what was going on within the walls of the apartment. You felt your breath hitch in your chest, the world feeling like it was collapsing around you from the very second you realised why he had left early for the day. Unable to stop yourself, you tore yourself away from the apartment door and ran down the hall to your own place, tears falling at a rapid pace that refused to stop. You didn’t know if the woman in there was an informant, or a prostitute, or some random chick he’d picked up in a bar after ditching work for the day. In the end none of it mattered though. All that mattered is that it wasn’t you in there with him, like it used to be, like it should be, and that fact made you hurt all the more fiercely.

Fumbling with the keys to your apartment, you choked on a low sob working your way through the waterfall of tears in your eyes to try and wrestle the key into the lock. Through your haste, you accidentally let them fall loose from your palms and onto the ground, prompting a loud “fuck!” to ring out from your throat, loud enough for everyone in the neighboring apartments to hear. Not like you really cared about that, to be honest. With your hands shaking, you finally managed to throw the door to your apartment open, slamming it back closed with a thud and leaning back against it with your head in your hands, slowly descending to the ground to finally give in to the wave of sorrow threatening to claim you.

You’d known his reputation before you started seeing each other, that he slept with all his informants and chased every woman who crossed his path in Colombia. Actually, it had made you hesitant to get involved with him in the first place but once you two had bitten the bullet and finally admitted your damn feelings for each other, Javier had ceased with his wild ways, becoming solely dedicated to you and you alone. And sure, you two weren’t together anymore, there wasn’t anything stopping him from being with other women. It felt like a deeper twist of the knife though, what you’d heard from behind that door, and it practically confirmed the sickening feeling that had been building in you since the first day back in the office after your breakup, when Javi refused to even look you in the eye and acted as if you’d vanished off the face of the planet. He doesn’t care about me anymore.

Moving on had been that much easier for him. While it took everything in you to get up each day, he was doing absolutely ok. More than ok, if the sounds coming from his apartment were anything to go by. He was even already settling back into his old reputation. You should’ve known it was too good to be true - the manwhore of the DEA, Javier Peña actually wanting to settle down with one woman, actually caring about a girl beyond what she could be in bed. You remembered the raised eyebrows when you two had first gotten together: for most, it just seemed so out of nowhere. You’d ignored them all, remembering all the times you’d be tangled up with Javi on the couch, his head nestled into your neck while your heart raced a mile a minute, hearing every sweet nothing and praise he’d whisper to you. Stupid girl, you should’ve known.

_______

After such a huge revelation, you thought things might’ve changed. In what way they would, you didn’t really know. Maybe the change would be sudden, such as you finally working up enough of a resolve to actually go confront Javier on his shit. Or maybe you’d take a leaf out of his book and start trying to seem like nothing was wrong at all, maybe go out on a few dates with some other guys. One of the Search Bloc guys had been eyeing you up every time he came over with Carillo to talk strategy, maybe you could go out with him. Though you knew it wouldn’t help - unlike Javier, who was actually more than happy with where you two had left things, you weren’t, and acting like it was just to throw it in his face wasn’t really going to work if he didn’t care enough to look over at you in the first place. And even then, the idea of falling into bed with some random man that you didn’t care for all that much in the name of moving on didn’t seem right to you.

Nevertheless, you expected some form of change to happen the morning after when you came into work to see Javier sitting at his desk, on the phone to someone you couldn’t care less about. But nope. Nothing had changed. You sat down and stared across the room at him, just like you’d done every day for the past two weeks, and he ignored your stare to continue with writing something down on his notepad, just like usual.

Maybe the change would be gradual, you thought, staring back over at the man in the midst of your ire with one of your coldest glares. And sure enough, around midday Steve had come up to you asking to retrieve something from the evidence room for him. Apparently he needed to look over something but was too busy with his own work to go fetch it - you knew on some level that his excuse was bullshit as it had been a pretty slow day for all of you but sure, whatever, if it got you out of that room and away from Javi for at least a few blissful moments that was fine by you.

Reaching out for the door to the evidence room, you pushed it open and admitted yourself into the crowded space, twisting around to slam the door shut firmly behind you. Before you were rows of shelves containing every bit of evidence the DEA had accumulated against Escobar - there wasn’t as much as there probably should have been due to the fire that had broken out at the Palace of Justice years before yet the amount contained in that small room was still impressive in size. Moving between the shelves, you scanned the rows of boxes looking for the one Steve had asked for in particular, taking your time with it as there was a small sense of serenity to being in that room. For once it felt like you could breathe. You didn’t have to sit at a desk across from your ex, you didn’t have to go home to your apartment that was literally across the hall from his, you could be alone and not feel suffocated by his ever-present shadow over your life. Though, in some way you supposed, your own memories could still prove just as suffocating as Javier’s own godforsaken presence.

As if by thinking of him you’d magically summoned him, the man himself strode through the door to the evidence room, appearing to be in quite a hurry however once he noticed you were there he stopped, his eyes widening for a fraction of a second before returning to their usual stoic glare. You could barely contain your own disappointment at his sudden appearance, letting your face twist into a low scowl as you watched him walk down the aisle you were standing in, his eyes dashing from row to row searching for any place to look so they could avoid landing on you. Anger bubbled within you, a thousand different sarcastic or otherwise snarky remarks coming to mind that you could throw out at him, every one of them becoming increasingly more scathing the more you thought about it. Letting out a small sigh, you forced yourself to push all those delightful insults to the back of your mind, not wanting to become caught up in any more personal drama than you had to. Get the box and go. It’s that simple. There doesn’t need to be anymore to this.

A minute later your eyes landed on the fabled box you’d been searching for, shoved into a corner and so out of the way you almost missed it completely. You thought of asking Steve what was in the box that he needed so bad when out of nowhere you heard a familiar voice speak up from behind you.

“Listen, I...about what happened on the phone a few weeks ago-”.

So, it seems Mr. Perfectly Fine has finally decided to break his silence. In an instant you twisted yourself around to face him, quickly taking in his serious expression and stiff stature before your eyes met for the first time in two weeks.“Oh, so you’ve finally decided to speak to me now? That’s a first. I thought you were steadfast gonna ignore me for the rest of my life” you spat, not allowing him any form of politeness or decorum in your reply. Why should you? He’d ignored you for weeks. He deserved this.

You watched as Javier tensed at your words, clearly not expecting the bite back that you had given to him. There was some part of his expression that almost looked sheepish in a way, as if he wasn’t quite sure if he really wanted this conversation to happen at all. “I wasn’t ignoring you, I was just-” he started with you rolling your eyes and cutting in almost immediately. “Save it for someone who actually gives a shit. Shouldn’t be hard since you don’t seem to care all too much yourself” you snarled, an action which only made him even more tense.

“I do care, and I kind of always have fucking cared so if you could calm down a little and stop getting yourself worked up we can actually talk about what happened. Can you do that for me at the bare minimum?” he retorted, a harsh edge appearing in his tone that indicated he was already becoming frustrated with your attitude. You knew Javi’s emotions like the back of your hand - he wasn’t a patient man, and he had no time for snark or sarcasm, though only if it was directed at him. When it came to himself, he was more than happy to indulge in a small bit of pettiness. You didn’t much care at that moment though: as far as you were concerned, he lost the right to a civilised discussion when he broke up with you over the phone and then pretended you were invisible for weeks. It’s not like things can get any worse than they are now, right?

“Oh, sure, sure, we can totally talk. How about I start then?” you fired back, every word simmering with venom and dripping raw with sarcastic edge. Crossing your arms, you leaned back against the shelf to take him in, from the creases in his tie to his tired eyes staring straight into you. Wait, tired? You didn’t realise it until then but he had been looking pretty tired lately, almost like he hadn’t been getting enough sleep. Then again, his sleep schedule had never been quite stellar, so that wasn’t totally out of the ordinary. And he was probably up all night with that woman I heard him with, you reminded yourself bitterly. “Look at you, so dignified in your well pressed suit, so smug and self-involved, so far above me in every way, so far above that you won’t even look me in the eye or acknowledge my presence. Tell me, Javier, has it really been that easy to forget about me?” you taunted. “Though I supposed when you’re seducing every whore in Colombia into your bed it would be easy, wouldn’t it?”.

Javier was caught off guard by your remark, not anticipating that you would go so far as to accuse him of returning to his old ways. “First of all, she was an informant, and I had to leave yesterday to go meet up with her. Things ran into overtime and that’s the reason I wasn’t back. I thought you of all people understood that gathering intel is a vital part to the fight against Escobar?” he replied, that last line at the end being delivered with only a little more underlying snip than the rest yet it was more than enough for you to feel around thirty percent more pissed at him.

You scoffed at his lies, your lip curling into a snarl at his attempt at patronising you. “Don’t patronise me. I’m well aware of the ins and outs of this job, in case you’ve forgotten I’ve been working with the DEA for eight years now, which is why I’m calling bullshit on your pathetic excuse for a lie. You do realise we live in the same building right? I know you were doing more than having a friendly discussion with her in there, in fact, I quite literally heard you two through the goddamn walls on my way back home. And before you try to spin some shit about how it was necessary for the case, you and I both know that fucking the informant isn’t a standard part of procedure. You don’t see Murphy bedding any of his sources of intel, do you?”.

“Murphy’s married, princesa” he deadpanned, throwing in that little nickname he had for you that two weeks ago would have made your heart flutter but at this time and in the context he used it only soured your mood further. “That’s besides the point. You’ve been acting like I never even mattered to you at all, and it’s honestly making me wonder if I ever did? Especially since I apparently didn’t deserve the dignity of a proper breakup and got a 27 second phone call instead. Tell me, when did you change your mind? I thought I was supposed to be the one you were waiting for all your life. Guess that was pretty easy to change, wasn’t it?” you snapped.

“Hermosa, can you just fucking listen for one minute?! God, you’re impossible sometimes” Javier shouted, that infamous temper of his rising towards the surface at a rapid rate. It was only a matter of time before he spat something out that he would no doubt regret. In your own haze of anger though, that fact didn’t register with you at all - you only saw red. If you had to scream back at him to finally pull some answers out of the man, then so fucking be it.

“No, how about you listen for once! I know we had that big fight but we could have just talked. The next day when you called me up I was ready to forgive you for being a complete ass. And what did I get instead? ‘I’m sorry, I think we should stop seeing each other’ and a dead dial tone after that. I can tell the only reason you’re apologising today is just so you don’t have to feel like the bad guy in all of this. So what’s the truth? Why were you so ready to throw away a whole relationship over one night of terse words?” you screamed, not caring that you two were at work and anyone could pass by outside and hear you two argue. With the way you both were shouting, you wouldn’t be surprised if the entire building could hear your screaming match with Javier. None of that mattered to you though. The only thing that mattered was the truth.

You weren’t the only one refusing to hold back in any of this: any lingering spark of politeness had vanished in Javi, his eyes turning dark with searing anger you had only seen in him a couple of times before. “You want to know why? You want to fucking know why? It’s because you’re a fucking pain to deal with. You may be a fantastic agent but god you can be so stupid sometimes. You’re too reckless, you throw yourself into danger too willingly with no consideration for anyone else. Did you ever stop to think what would happen to the people who cared about you if you died? Do you even give a shit about the people trying to protect you?” he confessed, fury burning with every word that came out of his mouth, his admittance making you flinch. It was just like he said during your last fight, the one that led to him dumping you in the first place.

Everything he said from that night came rushing back to you, remembering how furious he’d been at you for what had happened during your last raid together. You could see that underneath it all he was concerned for your safety, a gesture that was usually sweet but frustrated you that night as you felt something more akin to a porcelain doll than a capable agent in his eyes. Just because I’m your girlfriend, doesn’t mean you can treat me like I need to be protected. I can handle myself just fine. That was what you’d said to him that night, which should have been the end of it but somehow as the argument went on things got more and more heated that by the time he’d stormed out of your apartment neither of you could remember what had started it all.

What took you by surprise was that apparently he was still stewing about this, for some reason not wanting to believe in your capabilities as an agent and that alone made you more pissed at him. “I don’t need to be protected, Javier. I’m a woman, a DEA agent for crying out loud, not a flower! I’m more than capable of handling myself, I was literally trained for this! Nobody else here seems to have a problem with how I approach things so maybe the issue isn’t my method of attack but the fact that you’re a paranoid asshole?”.

He raised a single eyebrow back at you, looking somewhat skeptical of your claim but more so angry that somehow you two had managed to circle back around to the very thing that had started this whole mess.“Really? Because our last raid you were throwing yourself into the fray as if it were a suicide mission. It was a miracle you only ended up with a minor sprain to the wrist. Those men, the sicario’s, they don’t fucking hold back, one wrong mistake means the difference between life and death” he snapped.“And you know what? After constantly stressing over your safety every minute I was done. If you wanna end up with a bullet between your eyes, be my guest”.

The second those words slipped from his lips, he knew he’d fucked up. As the tears started to form in your eyes you could see him freeze up, his burning temper that had caused him to be so hateful before starting to slowly seep back, replaced with remorse and a hint of panic if you squinted. Although that didn’t matter much right now - his venomous words were rattling around in your brain, acting as a metaphorical hammer that took the final swing towards your damaged heart. Apparently what you heard through the walls the night before hadn’t been enough to break you completely, since there was still enough left of your heart for the rest of it to be shattered by his callous cruelty.

Forcefully swallowing down your cries, you wanted so badly to disappear from the room. You wanted to melt into the floor, to run away and go find one of Escobar’s men and gloat about all you’d done to try to stop him so you could feel the mercy of a fatal gunshot wound to the head. All the pain you had felt previously paled in comparison to the knife that cut you then, the tight feeling of your throat closing with every word you forced out. “So you were lying. You don’t care about me at all. You...you think I’m stupid. And reckless. And...not able to handle being here…”.

“Shit, princesa, that’s not what I meant, I-” Javier started, desperately scrambling to fix the mess he’d caused, however, you weren’t going to let him. He’d made his bed, now he had to lie in it. Any hope he might have had of making things right was now thrown straight out the window. No more chances. Not anymore.

“I think that’s exactly what you meant, Javi. Well, you got your wish I guess. I’ll get out of your life for good” your voice wobbled as you spoke, the next few minutes becoming a blur from when you’d pushed past him and ran out of the evidence room, hearing him call your name behind and not bothering to turn back to face him, running through the halls past different agents and members of the DEA, your hand shielding yourself in a pathetic attempt to save face. Somehow you’d managed to make it out to your car, throwing yourself into the driver's seat and jamming the keys into the ignition, your mind going in a million different directions. Your first thought was to go back home, though you knew that you’d have to hear Javi come back later, probably with yet another woman he picked up. You didn’t exactly have any friends in Colombia - with your line of work there hadn’t been exactly a lot of time to sit around and mingle with people, and truth be told you wanted to avoid people at all costs right then. Without any idea as to where you might be going, or what you were going to do, you pulled your car out of the parking lot and slammed on the gas to get you out of there, the world surrounding you not registering to you anymore and every sound becoming a rush against your ears that you paid no mind to.

One thing was for sure - you weren’t going to give Javier a single drop more of you. Your time, your mind, your energy, your tears, nothing. He’d already proved himself to be a lying sack of shit who didn’t care about you, so as it stood, you wouldn’t care about him either. Like the end of a tragic tale, everything had crashed and burned, and now that you thought about it more, maybe that was how things needed to be.

Goodbye, Mr Perfectly Fine. I’ve been Miss Misery for the last time.

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bokutoslittlebird · 3 years

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Request : can I please request headcanons of alphas (sakusa😷/miya twins🦊🍙/hirugami🐶) taking care and reconciling with their anxious omegas after a fight? fluffy (paired) or angsty (not paired)? thank you so much!!!

Unless told differently... Hirugami Sachiro will be the Hirugami chosen when the last name is used (for future reference). There will be different kinds of fights, too! With different people for added flavor (atsumu’s is angsty)

Comforting an anxious Omega

Sakusa

> Your best friend is in love with you. Sakusa fell in love with you because you were a good friend of Komori's and always included him, being sure to mind your hygiene. Just the added effort to make him feel more welcome had blooming feelings for you since then. He knows your scent, he knows what you smell like around him and Komori. Suddenly, you smell different.

> You got in a fight? Without him? Even through his mask, he's able to easily pick up on your scent. When he smells you and knows you're anxious, he's confused why... until he smells another omega's scent on you. At first, he kind of freaks out because... he doesn't know why there's another omega's scent on you? unless it was a hug from a friend but you're like, really anxious.

> Explaining the situation to him, you collide in your best friend's arms and explain you got in a fight. Like, hands-on fight. He asks why but you don't go into detail. He doesn't push the matter, but the truth is he wants to know so badly. His own scent rubs off on you so you calm down, just a sweet scene of him scenting you in the courtyard while onlookers take pictures because Sakusa? HUGGING? Scenting?

> Eventually, you tell him the truth. Some bitch (the venom in your voice has him on alert) was talking shit about him. You defended him, but the omega proceeded to point out that you were only defending him because you were, uh, more than just friends with him because "Sakusa Kiyoomi doesn't have actual friends". Safe to say, he treated you to ice cream once you were calmed down enough and made a promise to himself to confess. Soon.

Atsumu

> He loves you and you love him, have so for three years. You're not together, why is that? Well, he happens to be very bad at flirting and you're as oblivious as a rock. Osamu and Suna have a bet going on to see who confesses first, it's kind of cute.

> Well, until Atsumu gets fed up with the fact you can't understand his affection. He goes to confess... but it doesn't turn out the way he wants it to. Instead of saying "I'm in love with you," he says : "If you weren't so stupid, maybe you'd understand how I feel!" and bro... the silence was deafening. As an omega, you happened to be more sensitive than others and you have thick skin (bc the Twins + Suna) but that hurt.

> Your anxiety seeps through and is noticeable before the tears and words come, which has Osamu and Aran springing into action. Atsumu panics because it's his fault, but your next words hurt worse than anything he could have ever said to himself. "To hear the person I'm in love with say that hurts. I'll leave."

> Kita makes him do extra in practice, while Aran comforts you and walks you home. Atsumu thought maybe you just left to go home, but no. You weren't just leaving the gym, you were leaving him. It's the closest he's got to a fight with you, but it's the only one.

Osamu

> Time-skip! Osamu has you working in his restaurant and you're so good at talking to customers! He's gotten regulars just because they like to have you serve them. He's proud of you and finds his admiration developing into something a bit more romantic, but he won't speak about that out loud. No, but it comes clear that he's a bit in love with you when a group of regulars come in.

> He's thankful for their money, but not them. They ask for you and always happen to make you uncomfortable. As an omega, the only omega in the shop, it happens to make things more tense that it should. Five alphas, leering at one omega who is just working tables to get a bit of money on the side while going to college? Even he finds himself wondering how you manage to do it.

> Your scent is always a bit anxious after dealing with them, but that's when you leave. This time, he can smell your anxiety from across the restaurant while you're taking their order. Deciding to not leave you hanging, he has one of the other employees work on the onigiri order he was making. As he gets closer, he understands why you're anxious.

> "Come on, little omega. It'll be fun, I promise. Just all of us hanging out, with a bit of alcohol to drink," the 'leader' of the group says. Large and broad, his entire personality screams alpha. Osamu, although no longer playing volleyball, is still pretty large and broad himself. When he comes up behind you, asking if you're okay and your scent suddenly gets more relaxed... the 'leader' starts an argument.

> Good thing Osamu's the owner, because there would have been calls made after his fist collided with the guy's nose. Your scream prevented him from doing anything else, but he did scare them away. His scent turns calming, enveloping your anxious scent as he tries to calm you down. It's not... it's not how he expected the day to go. But your whispered words of thanks has his chest puffing out, glad he could protect you.

Hirugami

> Another time-skip scenario. Once more, you're a colleague of his he finds to be quite alluring. Every animal loves you, it's like you were meant to do this. His dogs also love you, always wanting you to pet them and play with them. It's just meant to be, in his mind.

> It's a busy day and there are a lot of animals, yet he knows exactly where you are. A lot of betas work at the vet, so he can smell you and you can smell him. As soon as your scent enters his nose and he can tell you're anxious, he's immediately going from the back (where he was putting together some medicine for a client) to you, at the front desk.

> You're arguing with a woman, who happens to have a.. snake in her arms. The vet doesn't take care of snakes, only dogs and cats. Exotic vets take care of snakes, which is not what you two work at, so you're trying to explain that to the woman. The woman, obviously American, doesn't seem to understand that her pet cannot be taken care of here. Rather, she thinks you're denying her service.

> She's screaming at you and harassing you, making you anxious to defend yourself. However, her yelling and your anxiety has the animals in the building acting up, dogs barking and howling as they get restrained on their leashes. Hirugami finally enters the picture, immediately easing your stress as he explains to the woman the same thing you said, but she listens (sexism at it's finest). Once she leaves, you sink to your knees behind the counter as you try to calm yourself down, but Hirugami is there to scent you, calming you down as he whispers that you did nothing wrong and you'll be okay.

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draceempressa · 2 years

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/srs I AM NOT DEFENDING THOSE PEOPLE WHO SEES HIM AS JUST A LION I AM STATING THE TRUTH!

Don't get me involved with those people cause I only stated what I see, and I said many times that analysis isn't that easy to crack in a complex character. It their own fault that they're narrow minded to the point they're insensitive but not people who wanted to understand him get to understand him in a more depth than anyone else.

Honestly, if you really hated Leona that much to the point you keep talking about your personal trauma to every questions or rants about him, everytime people couldn't understand him as MORE THAN JUST A LION, then I prefer you should STOP with this whole thing cause NOBODY IS ASKING ABOUT YOUR TRAUMA.

I never asked about your personal problems about your trauma, you brought that to yourself, not us. NOBODY IS ASKING YOU TO LIKE HIM, BUT YOU KEEP ON RANTING ABOUT THAT TRAUMA OF YOURS WHENEVER YOU TALK ABOUT LEONA TO THE POINT I THINK I CAN TELL THAT YOU REALLY CANT STAND HIM.

I thought you wanted to dig deeper into his character but everytime you do, you keep talking about TRAUMA THIS TRAUMA THAT, when people can't understand many different sides to him. I have my personal traumas too, but I never brought it to anyone than my own parents.

IF YOU HATED LEONA, FINE HATE HIM ALL YOU WANT, YOU CAN'T STAND NARROW MINDED PEOPLE, IGNORE THEM, IF PEOPLE CANT UNDERSTAND HIM BUT ARE EAGER TO, TRY TO BE MORE PATIENT WITH THEM. NOT everyone is as smart in character analysis as you, so try at least to have more patience with people who had a hard time understanding.

TBH this whole personal trauma of yours only started when that anon is curious to know everything about Leona down to his flaws and only when somebody talks about his flaws is when you brought it up.

You can't help if people see him into just 1 theme that's why there are people who try to make posts about the characters in a more deeper understanding. It's up to them if they still understand or not.

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Okay, you just want to point that out, and you don't necessarily thin the same as people who did simplify him. I'm sorry for that.

However, let me explain why I keep mentioning my personal trauma is because, people don't get how real his psychology is. Real people like him exist, and can harm you even with minimal advantages. I can also mentioned a lot of other issues in this game, that is indeed accurate, but fandom diss it for this game set in fantasy setting where you can fly on brooms.

Just because the story is set in magical universe where you can fly on brooms and there are non-human races doesn't mean the sociopsychological issues isn't real.

honorable mentions goes to Azul's arc, where people say it's not real anti-racism issues/message because it presents racism among fantasy races. That's not how it works, racism isn't wrong because it happens to poc , sexism isn't wrong when it applied to women, no, discrimination is wrong because "they are different and thus they are not a person like us and deserve bad things, that they are unworthy, lower than us"That is the message, and yet it flies over people's head cause the anti-discrimination message doesn't present real poc. The plot can be sort of symbolic, and carry meaning of the message all the same. But a touch of magic worldbuilding and people ignores how realistic it is mentally, psychologically.

I'd like to mention Floyd once more. He is like that because he's autistic,he's neurodivergent, he is just like how real life autistic people are, particularly the art people (rook also depiction of real art people too , but different kind) and he's not like that because he's a merman . He's not stupid, he's autistic, and his race have nothing to do with his neurodivergency.Rook is normal human physically and he's not any less neurodivergent than Floyd.

Floyd is the way he is not because he's a merman, but that's just how he is as a person, and real people with personality and psychology like him exist. In the same page , Leona is like that not because he's a lion, but that's just how he is as person, and real people with personality and psychology exist.

my fear and personal bone with the idea of people simplifying Leona is just a cat/lion, is the possibility they don't think there is real people with similar psychology/personality as Leona out there, or the idea they think whatever stuff he's done would still be cute when done to them.

I'm aware on how paranoiac this sounds, that I too have my fair share of stanning villains/assholes, that liking a villain/asshole does not equal condoning their crimes, but it's rather discomforting to me to see how people memed a legit threat to a harmless cinnamon roll.

I could explain how personal and realistic it is for me to be autistic like Floyd, but as you say, you are all here not for my own sob story, but let me just tell you, the psychology is real here.

If you don't understand how real the psychology is , that people like Leona really exist out there, are you just gonna let them do their stuff to you? If you don't understand people like Floyd and Rook really exist out there, are you gonna discriminate against them? that is the question.

#submission #reply #twisted wonderland #leona kingcholar #floyd leech

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spaceecoffe · 3 years

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The Owl House x Slavic Mythology, Part 2 (this one will be longer)

Okay, so in this post I will tell you about few things. First of all you need to know something: slavic mythology is hard to uncover. It is not so easy to find true informations about this like about Greek, Roman or Norse mythology. A lot of Slavic beliefs were twisted by christian propaganda (like in last post I told you about Domovoy bringing good luck to you house -> with a time christians started to tell a story about mean house demon Domovoy and that all the good things he did were actually done by Angels, ugh). It is also twisted by patriarchy that with time didn't want people to believe in some powerful female demons or goddesses.

Slavic mythology for sure was kinda like Boiling Isles: most of demons and nature wants to kill you in some strange ways, but there were also some good demons, good characters and good gods/goddesses. And when you search for some informations you need to remember this. I'm writing it here because one of characters in this post suffers from her story being twisted by christians and men. And you can also see influence of patriarchy in first part.

But lets start the main stuff:

1. Witches and Wizards

Oh, yes, first thing you can think of is a second episode of first season "Witches before Wizards" AND I LOVE IT. Why? Because it destroys traditional look on the witches and wizards, of course! But from the beginning.

In slavic beliefs witches were women who signed a pact with the devil and gained from it magic powers. They used it to turn other people lives into hell by hexes and all that stuff. It was hard to recognise them, but people say that normally woman drinks a glass of vodka (or apple blood!) on three times while witches do it in one sip! Also, if you look deep in their eyes you will see head of a goat. But it could be any women in yours surrounding: single one, old one, married, young... You couldn't trust any woman!

And that is the misogynistic view on witches. The truth is that witches were a wise women who helped other. They often were herbalists and healers in their villages. But people didn't understand how they did their "elixirs", they only knew they worked, so the ones that were jealous about their knowledge create this story about "terrible and scary witches".

At the same time there were Wizards. They were the ones that people looked up to. And it's all because Wizards used their magic for a science and not hexing people! Like, you know... The only thing women can do is to be mean to other people and only think about how to make others lives worse, while man think about more important stuff. But, fortunately, wizards had also some bad traits, like being too ambitious.

So when Luz goes to Boiling Isles it appears that it is full of witches. Not only women witches, but also men. And this is kind of amazing because we finally abandon this archetype of only women being witches. At the same time (in second episode) we can hear King saying:

"Wizards are only old people with glitter in their pockets"

Oh, how I love this! Why? Because there always been a discourse in the topic of magic. When magic was used from science (by wizards or by alchemists) it was good, but when it was coming from nature (used by witches or folks) it was satanic and scary. But here? Here everything is opposite. We know now, thanks to Lilith, that magic in Boiling Isles is highly bonded to the nature and it is used from it. That's why everyone there is called witch, regardless of gender.

Why it is so important for me that witches are cool on Boiling Isles and wizards are only having glitter in their pockets? It's because at the same time that witches were burned on piles in Poland (1600s), you could go on Cracovian Academy (now Jagiellonian University) and get education in being Wizard or Alchemist.

So yeah, this episode just destroyed the archetype of good and wise wizards against bad and wild witches which should happen more often. But until Tolkien's books will still be "best fantasy" I doubt we will se more of breaking this stupid rule (and also sexism in fantasy).

Also, fun fact, in this episode we see Radegast in clothes with stars:

and also we hear that he was "looking at the stars" when Luz came. I know that wizards are usually depicted with some star-theme, but he really reminds me of the legend of Pan Twardowski, the most powerful wizard in Polish (some says he was a German actually) history. He signed the pact with the Devil to gain his power but run away from him to the other side of the moon, were some says, he still lives. He also probably was a real person (Jan Twardowski) who worked on Zygmunt August's court as magician and astrologist, sometime between 1530 - 1570, while as I said, witches were burned on piles.

But let's move to the second thing!

2. Eda, The Baba Yaga

Oh, yes! You've seen this coming. And also it was greatly showed in this amazing post, which you have to read! But I will put in my tuppence here.

First of all, who was Baba Yaga? You heard about her for sure, but probably all of this were lies. Surly, she was the most powerful known witch. She could do almost anything with her magic and she also could brew any potion. As you probably know she lived in the house on chicken legs deep in the forest.

As for her look she was small, old with a big nose and a lot of wrinkles:

She doesn't look nice, does she? Isn't that strange that the most powerful witch in our beliefs has to be so "ugly" (ugh, I hate this word but I have to use it here I think)? The truth is that probably she never looked like this. Historians thinks that at the beginning she was one of the most important goddesses in Slavic Mythology. She was in control of life and death, she was the personification of nature and its power. Some people also believe that she was the one responsible for children initiation to adult life. One of the historians, Zygmunt Krzak, said:

"This is about the reviled figure of the ancient goddess, a characterisation created by religious and secular male elites fighting against matriarchal religion."

So now we can see how Eda works as alternative Baba Yaga from Boiling Isles.

First of all, she IS the most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles. She lives deep in the forest and she is great at brewing potions. Everyone is scared of her but at the same time, if someone is in trouble, she will totally help. Also, in episode one of season two we can see how she actually care about animals (and probably all nature).

But, most importantly, she is against Emperor's rules. As I said in subsection 1, being a witch is all about taking your power from nature. And actually what Emperor is doing is fighting with this, just like christianity when it started to appear on slavic lands. Emperor forbids to use wild magic, he tries to cut witches away from nature. He makes them join covens that can control their magic so they are becoming more and more distant from the natural magic. And Eda is this one person on whole Boiling Isles that is against it and that's why Emperor's Coven tries to change her image so people would think of her as a scary and wild witch which should meet her punishment for being that close to nature.

Another thing that reminds me of Baba Yaga is, of course, how she took care of Luz and helped her to became the witch. This is how initiation of children looks like. Yes, Eda did this in her own way but if not for her, Luz would never went do Hexside and problady wouldn't ever found out about glyphs. So yes, Eda was that one witch who helped Luz, the child (or "her kid") to become real witch, and that is probably what real Baba Yaga was doing.

Also...

Yes, I don't have to comment that, you know what I'm showing to you. But I just want to remind you that Kikimores hate chicken so it naturally goes that Kikimora is on the opposite side to Eda, The Baba Yaga.

The last thing I want to add is that Belos clearly do the same thing to witches on Boiling Isles that christians did to slavic folks (and yes, a lot more cultures in the world but here I'm focusing on Slavs). That is why I am almost sure that he is a human, probably Philippe, because this is just what people of middle and west Europe always did to different cultures -> "Veni, Vidi, Vici" as Julius Cesar said.

Part 1

#the owl house #toh #emperor belos #the owl house emperor belos #eda the owl lady #eda clawthorne #luz noceda #the owl house luz #slavic mythology #baba yaga #baba jaga #the owl house x slavic mythology

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kim-ruzek · 3 years

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It’s been a week since the finales and while I’m over the moon about fire, I’m still so conflicted over pd, specifically Adam and how he talked to Kevin.

I know they’re brothers and the show will have them get over this, but if my white friend said what Adam did? I wouldn’t look at them the same way. I’d lose a lot of love/respect that I had for them.

And a lot of people (of a certain color) are saying it’s not a big deal because of the situation? But like those are his real thoughts, his filter is just gone. Maybe I’m just being too sensitive tho.

I’d love to hear your take on this. If your comfortable sharing it.

I've been thinking of this ask all day, of how to answer it. Because honestly, I have SO many thoughts on this, but I was debating if I should say them all or just sum up but I decided that I'm just gonna speak my mind!!

I, too, have a lot of complexed and conflicting thoughts over this. And I have to say, with stuff like this, with racial issues, you can NEVER be too sensitive.

Firstly, I agree. Kev and Adam are brothers, and the show will have them get over this, it wouldn't be realistic otherwise. But I really do hope they do it in a good, believable and decent way. Because I also agree with what you said about if my white friend said that shit? A little bit of my love and respect for them would be forever tarnished-- at least until I see some REAL improvement, which would take a minimum of a year to properly heal.

This fandom is a real good fandom, but yeah, I HAVE seen a lot of white fans not treating this like the big deal it is. The majority DO accept it's a big deal, but at the same time, they don't seem to truly get just how big, like how they think Kevin and Adam will have to move on from this is quite watered down.

Now, where I stand:

I watched cpd for Kim, Adam and Kev. I got into it for Burzek, and fell so hard in love with Kevin immediately. So when Kevin and Adam fight, I find it really hard because they're my boys! But it's necessary, and I think will help them become even more tight once Adam gets his head screwed on straight.

I do agree that they're his "real thoughts", but my take is that it's a little more complicated than that. Like Adam is a bit of a hothead, and that moment? He was more scared than he's ever been, and Kev, in his mind, is the only other person who loves Kim as much so when Kev did what Adam took as a "betrayal", Adam was angry. And that was shitty. And he should be accountable for that, AND for what he said.

But I think calling them his real thoughts is a little simplistic. They're thoughts that's going to be in his mind a lot, obviously, because Adam doesn't fully get this. So there's two layers to this:

One: People say things out of anger. I've got a temper, and I keep it under control obviously, but it's there, and when you're angry, especially betrayed and hurt, you just want to hurt people the same way you are. And when it's someone you really, really love? You say things you have maybe thought when you were a little annoyed but rationality won and reminded you it's a stupid thought, things that you KNOW will hurt.

And I think that's what this was. Obviously you do this, no matter what the reason, you need to fucking apologize and grovel. Like I'm not saying you shouldn't because I really don't think that. Especially as someone who's said really hurtful things out of anger, I PASSIONATELY believe that you should be held to a high standard about your actions. Because anger is not good, it's an ugly emotion, and you have to fight it.

Two: I definitely think those things are stuff Adam has thought before. I mean, thoughts in anger rarely appears out of nowhere, they're there in the background. But this isn't necessary a bad thing, or makes Adam a bad person. Like we ALL have less than nice thoughts, it's human nature.

And for Adam, he tries, he really does, but the man just Does Not Get all the deep complexities of the police reform. So I think his stance is, he doesn't get it, but he goes along. There's been those times he's argued, but I think most of the time when he's confused, he kinda just...has one of those thoughts but doesn't express it because he KNOWS it's more complicated than that, even if he doesn't understand it.

So when Kevin and Adam fought, Adam got ANGRY, because he felt scared and betrayed, and that's when he voiced all these thoughts he's thought before but kept inside because even though he doesn't understand why or how, he knows it's more complicated. But he was angry because Kim was in danger, and suddenly, it didn't seem logical or rational to keep by book.

Okay so now I've said that, onto what I think this means and how I want this go moving forward.

Adam was a jerk. What he said to Kevin was such a low blow, and things are going to be fractured between those two. And I think nothing Adam feels towards Kev has changed, but I do think they'll be that little emptiness in Kev, because hearing your white best friend say that? Ugh. Pain.

In a general sense, I think they'll be fine. But they can't be as close as they were, without Kevin feeling some sort of distance without any closure.

So in season nine, we definitely need our boys to have a conversation. And not just one, but several. And we need to see Adam make some actual changes to his beliefs. Not just half assing it bc he knows he's wrong even if he doesn't understand the complexities of why, but actually challenging his own beliefs and learning.

I think one of my main problems with this fandom (the white fans) is how much emphasis is put on both Adam and Kev seeking each other out to have a conversation. That's just wrong-- Adam should be the one. None of this, fixing this, educating Adam is on this is NOT in any way, shape or form is on Kevin.

What Adam said is hurtful, and I think Kevin still loves Adam, still sees him as his brother. But siblings don't always get along, or even like each other, even if there's that I'll-die-for-you love. And I think that's where Kevin is at. Adam hurt him, and that's gonna do some damage, and so even though Kev does understand, he's not gonna seek him out or try to fix it AS HE SHOULDN'T, because that onus is purely on Adam's shoulders.

Like. I think what white fans don't get is just how exhausting it is always having to understand, always having to be patient. Like yeah white people don't get the ins and outs like we do, so we're forced to always be understanding bc while we have to learn these things from our first days, they're just learning now. But it's exhausting, so that's why I really hope they have Adam seek Kev out, not have Kev approach him to talk about this.

(it's always why I love how they had Kevin full on yeet Adam, and beat the crap out of him. Poc always have been portrayed as patient when cruel remarks are hurled at us from people we love in anger, and I'm happy they showed Kevin snapping. Bc that was not on, and Kevin was just as worried about Kim, and Adam implying otherwise is wrong. It's also though why I also love that as soon as they were pulled apart, Kev stopped fighting/looking so angry quicker than Adam).

Like I'd be okay with Kev just saying, simply, to Adam "you don't ever say that stuff to me again." And that's that. But for them to actually have a conversation about this, has to come from Adam and HAS to start with an apology.

And Adam has to actively do better. Like no more just accepting things are different even if he doesn't understand, he HAS to learn everything, all the ins and outs, all the complexities, until he lives and breathes it as much as any white man can. Because I can't see Kevin having what was fracture ever feeling completely solid again without that.

And I do like that the show went there, because it's necessary and I think it's the best position for Adam to realise just how Shitty he was. Because Kim was found-- by the book. Like most of his anger was from how in the past, they've gotten their results by being off book, so I think in Adam's mind, he thinks that's the best way to secure safety. But it was by the book that found Kim, and I think that will really make Adam realise that these enforced policies DON'T make it harder to secure their own safety.

Also, Adam's presumably going to spend a lot of time around Makayla, and so forth, will probably get a lot of firsthand experience of seeing racism or it's affects. Like I know we wish he'd see if bc of Kev, and he does with a lot, just not other stuff, but it's different when you're seeing it through the eyes of a little kid, not a grown adult. And I think this will make Adam a lot more humble, which will help patch things up between him and Kevin.

And then there's Kim. People often forget how when you have multiple white friends, when you're hurt, your more knowledgeable friend steps in. Kim gets this stuff a lot more than Adam, even if she can never understand like Kev, and so I can COMPLETELY see her teaching Adam more stuff. Like because she'd want to help her boys, because Adam's a part of Makayla's life, because Kevin shouldn't HAVE to be the one to educate Adam, whereas Kim can bring him up to her own level, and that's when they rely on Kev.

So I think overall, I'm not that conflicted over PD because I'm really hoping this will spark deeper conversations and that Adam will grovel and fix his ignorant stances. And I hope to god they let Kevin heal and forgive in the way he should be allowed to.

I have a LOT more thoughts on this, including how I hate that they only show Adam's ignorance when a lot of the unit is also Not Great, and about partnerships and how Jay and Kev should be going forward. But this is getting really long now, so I won't delve into that or this any further. But I might, especially if it's wanted, because I have so many thoughts.

Also, thank you for sending me this ask!! I am ALWAYS comfortable sharing my thoughts on this fandom (about anything really, racism, sexism, ships ect) but especially the racism and the racial storylines and issues. Sorry it took so long to answer; I've been thinking on it all day, wanting to give you the best answer I could!!

#reese's asks #ree has thoughts #that no one asked for #Chicago pd #kevin atwater #adam ruzek #I'm sorry this is so incoherent

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