#'normal people' was one of my favourite books of the year and now 'beautiful world where are you'...... miss rooney you have no right!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

my-castles-crumbling · 5 days

Note

I have a problem Cas… I think im in love.

Okay so, there’s this girl. We’ve been best friends like 5 years. I mean i’ve always- okay I don’t know how to explain this.

I’m basically a fan-fiction come to fucking life.

So i’m Demisexual, and last year I decided to come out to my family. I don’t know if other Demi ppl have preferences of gender, but I don’t. Honestly labels confuse me. I’m not sure if technically i’m Biromantic and Demisexual but hey, the point is- and what I explained to my family- that i’d be open to dating anyone.

Basically i was telling them I wasn’t straight. (Obviously Demisexual is also about sexual activities and people and stuff but I wasn’t gonna try and explain to my parents that I don’t really get attracted to random ppl- cause they don’t get it- and I didn’t want to accidentally start talking abt sex).

So anyway, they were not happy. Have you watched Brooklyn Nine-Nine? There’s this clip where the character Rosa comes out as Bi and her parents are like “That’s okay, since you can still date a man and marry a man and be normal” and they were like that for me (i’m a girl in case that wasn’t obvious- so they wanted me to date a man).

And I didn’t really care to be honest. I had an equal level of straight friends to queer friends, I felt suitably in both worlds. I truly love my family. They’ve always been good to me. But they did imply if I did end up with a girl, they wouldn’t want to meet/know her.

Not to mention the religious trauma. I spent a shit ton of time listening to ppl tell me that same-sex marriage and relationships are a “sin”. Hell- there was this one rlly lovely women at church when I was like 9, but she got kicked out when they congregation found out she was a lesbian. (Okay- not kicked out but like bullied into leaving).

So it was fine for me to accept that I could potentially date a women since i’ve never felt immediate attraction to anyone, it never felt totally real.

BUT NOW I HAVE A PROBLEM. So my best friend (who is also a girl) of 5 years. She’s amazing. She’s literally the funniest person i’ve ever met, she’s so generous and has helped me so much, and she’s just adorable. She’s like fucking sunshine. And ngl, I don’t often like people who are so cheery all the time because it feels fake and I like people around me to be honest.

But she just, she has this way of finding the beauty in the stupidest things and it’s so cute. We got splashed by a car the other day, drenched both our outfits, and instead of being mad, she got all excited and had us do a photoshoot in our crazy soaked clothes, and then got all excited that we could cuddle under a duvet and watch a movie with snacks once we got home cause apparently that’s the only acceptable thing people can do after being covered in water (which is exactly what we did).

And she’s not unreasonably happy, you know? Like when people try to cheer people up at bad times and make everyone more sad, she’s not like that. Whenever i’m upset, or mad, she’ll doodle these cute little flowers on coloured paper and write things she loves about the world on the back of them, and once i’m done ranting abt how annoying the world is, she’ll give it to me and smile. She has the best smile.

I have this jar, I write the date on them and put the paper in the jar.

We’ve been best friends five years, she started doing that like four years ago and i’ve had the jar pretty much from the start.

It’s always been easy to be around her. We sort of knew each other for like a year, and then I blinked, and we were best friends. I read all the books she gives me even though the plot is super cheesy cause she loves talking about them, I learnt how to bake all her favourite snacks her mum made, cause she’s pretty far from home and honestly a tragic baker. And she cooks dinner (don’t ask how she can’t bake to save her life but is the most incredible cook, it’s unbelievably ridiculous) for us a lot, she learnt to make my fav food.

We technically live together, we’re at the final year of uni (maybe not tho depending on our next courses, I dunno) so we’ve been living together this year, but before that, I basically spent most of my time around her place anyway.

So yeah, we’re friends. But I realised a few months ago that i’m pretty, definitely, in love with her. I think i’ve felt like this for about a year and it just hadn’t quite clicked yet.

(I had this awful day and came back to our place to see her genuinely painting our wall a different colour of white. She paints as a hobby and accidentally splatter a ton of blue paint on the wall and freaked out and tried buying white paint to cover it when it wouldn’t wash of and she was sat on the floor with white paint all over her and the wall still blue.

She told me the story and I burst out laughing. I explained you often need white primer first, to cover the blue, and then to buy the correct shade of white, since ours was sort of chill white and she’d bought bright white.

It’s the type of thing that would’ve annoyed me so much at the end of such a tough day, but because it was her, I just found it adorable. That’s when it clicked, I love her. She noticed I was tired immediately and felt bad cause she realised i’d had a bad day. I said this cheered me up, cause it did. Then we made dinner together and spent the night reading on the sofa with music on.

We went to the shop the next day to get the correct stuff and luckily our wall is back to looking almost exactly the same).

So yeah, I love her. Plus like, being demi, I don’t usually find ppl attractive… I mean i’ve always known she’s aesthetically pleasing, she has good fashion sense and stuff, but like, I tend to view all people as the same sort of level of attractive. BUT NOW ITS LIKE- SHES FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. It’s kind of annoyingly actually. How is everyone not spending all day gazing at her eyes. They’re fucking caramel, like a book character. She says they’re brown but she’s wrong. In dull lighting they seem brown but they’re like dark orange (amber i guess) with little hues of green, but in the sun they’re really bright and caramel and warm.

She’s a lesbian btw. So theoretically I’ve got a shot. Also, i’ve always been good at reading people and I know she’s had like a small crush on me at least twice in our friendship. You can tell sometimes.

But recently, it’s been a wreck. I’m so distracted cause i’m in love with her I can’t think, and my friends keep telling me she loves me back but I can’t keep my head on straight long enough to try and tell.

But. If I do get my head out of my ass and tell her and she does end up wanting to date me, what the fuck am I supposed to do then. Cause if it does work out, i’m pretty sure it’ll last.

My parents never totally liked her (they probably saw this coming- but I think in the homophobic, all queer ppl date each other, way and not the, they’re meant to be together, way) and if ended up having to tell them i’m actually dating a women, they’d be pissed.

I always thought i’d end up with man, since it’s easier. No religious guilt about that. But I can put aside my own brains stupidity for her. But I can’t change my parents. But aside from this, they’re literally amazing. But I also know them and I truly don’t think they’ll change.

All my friends having been saying me and her should’ve been dating this entire time. I don’t know, I like to think now would be kinda perfect. I always knew she was gonna be in my life forever, I guess I just got so used to imagining myself with a man I forgot she was an option? That I could be with her romantically forever. You know, assuming she wants to date me.

(We’ll see about that. I’m really not sure. But i’m totally shit at keeping my own secrets so i’m planning to tell her soon if not just for the sake of my own sanity. All my friends say she’ll reciprocate, if she doesn’t, then I guess i’ll go from there, she’s not the type to be weird or bothered that we live together despite it. And if she does… then I have to decide what to do next. My other best friend is literally always right when it comes to our friends dating lives, and she has faith we’ll end up together, so we’ll see I guess)

But if she does. If she does I’ll have to get into it with my family. I don’t want to lie to them. And I know I shouldn’t judge, but I honestly don’t think they’ll change their minds. I think they’ll say I can come visit whenever, but not bringing my partner. And I won’t want that. And we’ll all argue.

I never liked knowing my parents didn’t accept this side of me, but I guess I never considered it would be an actual problem i’d have to deal with someday.

I spend a lot of my time trying to figure myself out. I haven’t had the easiest path in life. But with her, it’s so easy. It’s easier to understand what I like, it’s easier to talk about things, and I fully trust her not to be weird. Or leave. Or get mad for nothing. I don’t have to walk on eggshells around her. I trust her. We don’t argue much. We have, what she calls, three different type of arguments.

One, “bad mood argues”. She finds it so hilarious that it rhymes. You have to say it with the syllables. Bad-Mood Ar-Gues. We have these cookies in the freezer that we make every month. If one of us is having a bad day, we cook a few cookies to eat and I bought this dumb fridge magnet of a cookie to put on the fridge to signify it’s a cookie worthy bad day.

Another one is “justifiable anger”. That doesn’t happen much. When we first met, she had this tendency to not tell me when I did something that upset her, and it’d spiral, and i’d be mad she wasn’t talking about why she was mad. So we have a rule to always talk about problems, even the little things. For example, her yelling into the phone to her family for hours while i’m trying to study- she has planned days now, so I can go to the library or she can go out if necessary, or keep the convo below 45 min, her mums like half deaf so she does have to shout, but it’s also VERY loud. Basically we comprise. And make sure no anger builds up.

The third type of argument is, what our friends call, “married idiots”. As in, she shouldn’t use the siri talk thingy while driving cause it never understands what she’s trying to say and so I get jumbled texts that mean nothing and then she thinks she’s told me something she hasn’t told me. She’s nearly understanding that one 🤦‍♀️ And you know, the classic colour of something argument (it’s purple- she’s wrong).

Anyway. I forgot my point. Oh yeah, everything’s easier with her. I feel comfortable. If i’m being totally honest… i’m pretty sure if I ask her out, she’ll say yes. Like 80% sure. Im just scared to fuck this up, and cause family problems. Cause yeah, she’s worth the drama, but also, it’s her that’ll be being insulted right? She very likely won’t be allowed in my house. I don’t want this to ruin what we already have.

So yeah. That. I could really do with some advice ❤️

Hi <3

If you do not ask this girl out, I will physically pass away.

Like...I'm not usually so pushy with asks, but you're describing a relationship, hon. This is a relationship. I'm not sure if you follow me because of the Marauders, but you two are literally Wolfstar, And I'm shipping the two of you so hard right now.

If, for some insane reason, she turns you down, it's because she doesn't realize she's in love with you, too.

As far as your family...again, I'm going to be more blunt that usual. You're going to have to face their lack of acceptance for you at some point. It's absolutely shit that they don't accept you, but like...don't let that stop you from being with this girl. Because even if you put off their feelings now, you'll have to deal with it someday, and then you might miss out on an amazing girl.

Please update me. I need updates. I am so invested. I am DYING for updates.

God, I'm rereading all the things you wrote and I'm kicking and giggling. You two are ridiculously adorable. Please kiss her already (with consent).

I'm naming you purple anon. Please write back.

#ask #asks #ask cas #purple anon

61 notes · View notes

louloulemons-posts · 8 months

Note

weirdly specific I know but what about fem!goth!reader who's been best friends with eddie for years. he thinks he knows everything about her until one day he climbs through her window to hang (bc of course he does, he can't use a door like a normal person, even if her parents aren't home, where's the fun in that?) and finds her rocking out to taylor swift and it turns out shes a massive closet swiftie.

Weird But F-ing Beautiful

Modern!Eddie X Fem!Gothic!Reader

Summary : You were a metal head with a secret, you love Taylor Swift.

Word Count : 1k

(How I imagine Reader would defend Taylor)

Warnings : not proofread, 3am writing (again-pls someone save my sleep schedule), so many taylor references!, swears, petnames, cuteness, eddie and reader are just adorable honestly

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

You and Eddie had known each other for years now, you’d say he was your best friend in the whole world.

The pair of you had a lot in common, you were both unusual and unique people. You bonded over that, along with your love of bands like Metallica and Black Sabbath.

You’d always liked darker things, loving halloween whilst most liked christmas. Horror movies and true crime documentaries brought you comfort.

Complaining about summer as your dark wardrobe made the heat cling to you, it was just the person you were. But you had a secret, one that even Eddie didn’t know of.

You absolutely loved Taylor Swift. You’d found yourself bopping along to one of her songs that was on the radio and were hooked, owing all of her albums and having them on regularly.

Enter Sandman to All of the Girls you Loved Before was quite the contrast, but you loved it.Walking down the halls to your locker, Lover was playing in your ears.

People who passed you wouldn’t think that, ripped tights, a skirt that went just above your knees, dark top with long flowing sleeves - bat wings Eddie liked to call them.

Fingers and neck decorated in mismatching jewels, huge boots, a corset around your waist and eye liner that took longer than you’d care to admit. Love Story didn’t really look like a song that’d be your favourite.

Arms wrapped around your waist, squeezing you softly. Pulling out an earbud you spoke, “Edward.”

“Hello Sweetheart.”

“What can I do for you?”

“Milkshakes?”

“You paying?”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Sipping on your strawberry shake you chuckled at Eddie, leaning over the table you wiped whipped cream off his nose. “Thank you,” he blushed.

“Don’t mention it Rockstar.”

“Sooo,” he said.

“Hm?”

“I may or may not have gotten two tickets to see one of the best bands of all time, and I was wondering if you’d like to come with?”

“Oh my god One Direction have reunited?” You laughed, “Shut up. Will you come with me?”

“I mean I guess I could free up some time for you,” you smirked, taking another sip of your shake.

“Cool.”

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

“Thank you for the milkshake.”

“Anytime Sweetheart, I’ll text you the details of the concert and stuff.”

“Please do. I’ll see you later,” Leaning over and kissing his cheek, cherry red stain being left on his skin.

Heading up to your room, neither of your parents were home yet. Throwing your bag down you put a record on, Taylor.

Humming to yourself as you undid your boots, you decided to start on some homework. Turning up the music and tuning everything out for a while.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Stood in front of your mirror, you began wiping your makeup from your face, eventually singing along. “I remember when we broke up,” you sang softly, humming mainly.

Sliding off your rings and necklaces, your hair being pulled out of your face, comfortable for the night. God how did this woman make these songs so catchy? What was in them?

You couldn’t help yourself, “I used to think we were forever ever …” You put your books away, cleaning your desk, “We are never ever ever getting back together!”

Dancing around your room, you laughed as you spun around your room. These songs just made you so happy, “We are never ever ever ever getting back together!”

“Okay I get the message,” a voice laughed.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” you screamed.

“Wow chill it’s me.” Eddie.

Storming over to your record player you turned it down, Stay Stay Stay playing quietly in the background. “What the fuck are you doing here? How’d you get in?” you shouted.

“Window. Came to bring this back, wasn’t expecting a concert.”

“Oh fuck off Edward,” you huffed, taking a ring out of his hand. Turning away from him and putting it with your others.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I um didn’t know you liked this music.”

“Well I do, got an issue?”

“No. Just … do you actually like metal or was that just umm …”

“I like both okay? Sometimes I just want to feel like a happy, silly teenage girl. Her music helps me do that, or if I need to cry, or fall in love or anything really. I love metal, I didn’t lie!”

“Okay. I believe you. She’s cool.”

“You think?”

“Well you like her, so she must be.”

“Shut up,” you smiled.

“I’m serious. Teach me the way of Taylor Swift,” he grinned, dropping on your bed.

“Well thats 10 albums, and then there’s Taylor’s versions.”

“God you’re a proper little nerd.”

“Says the one who loves D&D,” you smacked him lightly.

“I’m not saying she’s bad! I like that one umm … Enchanted?”

“Yes! It’s her newest re-release, god I love that album and 1989s out soon as well.”

“Slow down babe, you’re losing me.”

“Sorry, so um Enchanted?” you asked, standing up, pulling the vinyl out of its case, replacing it on the record player. The song played softly. “It’s beautiful.”

“It is,” you smiled, turning back to Eddie. “Thank you for bringing my ring back, where was it?”

“My van, must have fallen off.”

“Or you stole it.”

“Me?” You nodded.

“Don’t think it’d fit Sweetheart.” The chorus played, and Eddie began to hum along, standing to be in front of you. “I like this other side of you.”

“Thought you’d make fun of me.”

“I’d never. I like all parts of you, this might be my new favourite, maybe we can see her concert.”

You snorted, “You willing to sell a couple organs?”

“For you, I do anything.” You smiled up at him softly, he nudged your nose with his.

“As Taylor said, I was Enchanted to meet you,” he smiled, leaning down to press his lips to yours.

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

A/N : This was so fun to do! I just jammed out to Taylor the whole time and it was great. Thank you so much for this request I hope you enjoyed it 🤍

Thank you so much for reading! Please leave any requests 🤍

165 notes · View notes

callmewrinkles3 · 11 months

Text

Foreword of Dan’s Book

I hope you all know that Daniel is still not good being bored, even ten years after retiring. Yes, we live in a farm and have three kids and life is incredibly busy. We never complained, not even on the hard days when we were exhausted because we knew just how fortunate we are. We love our daughters and son and we’re so, so lucky to have them and a beautiful life.

But some days the kids go to school and it’s quiet and easier. Depending on the day it feels like I have four kids instead of three purely thanks to Dan. We love being parents and we love having fun with them and they’re good kids. It’s Danny’s (and mine as well) pride and joy to go outside running around with them and playing whatever random game they want to play.

I’m not joking when I tell you that being a dad is Dan’s favourite thing in the world. He’s the happiest man you could imagine when he’s riding bikes with them in the dirt. He’s happy being a dad in general. Changing nappies, too early mornings, complicated long nights when each child wants something different, telling the same story hundreds of times. You name it, he loves it (And for the record, his favorite bedtime story is Sleeping Beauty). Normally our days are busy and running around with the kids and whatever work obligations we have, him locked in his office doing a podcast or an interview. So when he told me one morning that he wanted to write a book I really thought he was joking. But again, he’s not good at being bored.

I thought it was a really bad idea at the very beginning. Our lives are completely different to what you might imagine. We’ve a normal life on the farm in Perth, the kids go to a normal school and it’s the parents who are more excited when Dan goes in for “What does your parent do for work day” than the kids. We never liked having the spotlight on our personal lives and knew that when we had kids and Dan chose to retire, we would return to Perth full-time. Now that Dan isn’t in the spotlight every week we get to have peace and quiet and it’s what I prefer. We get to be the Ricciardos and sometimes someone will ask “Oh, like that racing driver?” and that’s perfect to me.

I love my family more than anything and when my darling husband came up with this idea of writing a book my immediate thought was “What is this going to do?”. Our kids know what Dan did. Our eldest spent the first two years of her life in F1 paddocks, and all of them have been to multiple races. They know their dad raced fast cars and won pretty trophies and was the best driver in the world. But they don’t know the details.

They don’t know how hard an awful lot of it was. We were and are privileged beyond belief, but when the media are screaming your name it’s incredibly difficult. They don’t know about the online comments and the way people talked about their dad as if they knew him. It’s our job as parents to protect them and as their mum, there are some things that I didn’t know if I wanted them to know. A book is permanent. This book contains details about our life we’ve never revealed to even our closest friends and family and I didn’t want the kids finding out about it here.

But thinking about it made me realise maybe this is a good idea. Or at least not a bad one. There’s some stuff here that you’re gonna read about Dan’s life and it might make you think a little more. And maybe you read this looking for gossip (there’s not a lot of that, he’s almost too fair to people) and that’s fine too. But maybe there’s a kid reading this and thinking that if a lanky, curly haired kid from the city in Australia most people forget about could make his dream come true then maybe they can as well. And if you are that kid I believe in you.

Before I even said yes about it, Dan was already doing it. I got home from work that same afternoon and he’d written three pages about when we first met and I realised he wanted to do it. It’s one of his favourite stories to tell our kids before they go to bed (without some of the details about just how many beers we had that night) so I wasn’t surprised he decided to start there. When I read it after the kids were asleep and saw how happy and proud of himself he was I knew there was just one thing I needed to do.

So I did what I’ve always done for him and he’s done for me. I gave him a kiss and told him I support him.

You all got to see Daniel Ricciardo in front of the cameras, but I’m the lucky one who’s gotten to see the man behind them too. And to be fair, he’s basically the same in front of a microphone as when he’s at home. But I get to live and be in love with the man who’s an expert at making breakfast but a complete disaster at making dinner. I’ve gotten to spend nearly two decades of my life listening to his ridiculous jokes that make him laugh more than I do. But then his laugh makes me laugh so we’re good.

He’s never hidden who he is to the public, but I just hope that after you read this you get to know a little bit about my favorite racing driver in the world, but also the best man I’ve ever known.

Emma Riccardo.

#call it what you want fic #ciwyw media #ciwyw

44 notes · View notes

kingpippthe2nd · 8 months

Text

This is going to be a Neil Gaiman appreciation post. Not because I think, the internet needs another person babbling on about how good an author Neil is. There is enough of those. This one is purely egotistical, because I have too many words rattling in my head, and they want out. So, settle in and let me tell you a story. I promise, it will make sense in the end. Or go read something interesting. I’m not your parent.

I used to read a lot as a kid. The library in my town was open on two afternoons each week: Tuesday and Thursday. So, every Tuesday I would go there with my stack of read books, swap them for a smaller stack of books, which I would devour in the next two days, return them on Thursday, leave with a bigger stack and so on and so on. I couldn’t read enough. I loved disappearing into all the different worlds, all the different adventures. I was the kind of kid, that would read until the middle of the night, illuminated by a flashlight, be exhausted all day in school, just to go home and do it all again.

I don’t know when this changed, exactly. Only that it did. Something about growing up took away the wonder of printed words. Or wonder in general.

I remember telling my therapist a year or so ago how I remember being able to see so much beauty in the world. How the tiniest thing could spark so much joy in me. Make me imagine entire worlds. And how I couldn’t find this kind of joy anymore. How I felt that something in me was irrevocably broken. She reassured me, that this was normal. All part of growing up. Childlike wonder at the world is not for adults to have. Never have the words a therapist felt so fundamentally wrong. I was heartbroken leaving that session. My worst fears had become true: I’d never find that joy again.

Over the years, I never lost my love of stories. I started listening to audiobooks, a form of media which I used to despise. Why listen to a book when you can read it? Hold it? Smell it? I watched movies and series and listened to podcasts. But I didn’t really read. I had lost the patience for them. Don’t get me wrong: I still loved my books. I have some beautiful editions of my favourite books that I loved showing off to people. I bought new books as well. New stories. And I told myself I’d get around to reading them soon. But I never did.

I used to write a lot, too as a kid. I wrote diaries, though I never kept up with them for long. I wrote short stories and even started writing a book, which was not very good and is now lost forever. I wrote loads of poems. One of them I wrote sitting on a roof in a night gown while the full moon shone behind the church tower. I still have that one. It isn’t half bad. But I stopped writing years ago. It left me, when I left the books.

Some years ago, my partner at the time introduced me to a new book. Theyread it aloud to me in the evenings. It was called “Neverwhere” by a man I had never heard of: Neil Gaiman. I fell immediately in love with the story and the writing and the characters. Soon enough I owned all the Neil Gaiman audiobooks I could find and listened to them ravenously.

Within the last year I have tried to read four books. I finished one of them. Not a big one. And it took me multiple months. I had to force myself to finish it, even though I loved the story and the writing. The other three I abandoned halfway through, feeling terribly about myself and my apparent inability to read.

And then Amazon Prime released season two of Good Omens and I found myself swept up in a maelstrom of emotions and hype and fan theories. I started reading fan fictions for the first time in my life. Long ones too. I started telling anyone and everyone about how much I loved and missed the show. About how genius a writer Neil Gaiman was. How I had loved his way with words and worlds for such a long time and that he was my favourite author.

A week ago, I had a realisation: I had never actually read a Neil Gaiman book. I’ve had them read to me. I’ve listened to hours and hours of audiobooks. But I had never ever actually sat myself down and read a book by my favourite author with my own eyes. Held it. Smelt it.

So, I picked up one of the “I’ll get around to it books” from a stack on my hallway book shelf and started reading. A little thing called “The Ocean at the End of the Lane”. I finished it within three days. I read it on my way to and from work. One night, I walked all the way from the tram stop to my flat whilst continuing to read, phone flashlight in hand, so the darkness wouldn't steal the story away from me.

And as I finally looked up from on the pages again and looked around, something else happened. It was as if the words had given my mind a little nudge. The world was spinning slightly differently. And all over sudden I could see the world as I had as a kid. There are more colours now. Everything is a bit more sparkly, more magical. I can taste stories on the wind, see them in the early morning sunshine. I have ideas rattling in my head that need writing down for the first time in what feels like forever. Ideas for short stories, for poems. Maybe even for a book.

I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am to Neil for giving me back something, I knew I had lost forever. Because childlike wonder at the world is not for adults to have. With nothing but his words printed on paper he remade the way I see the world. If that isn’t some kind of magic, then I don’t know what could be. And who wants to be an adult anyway.

#I'm rambling again #noone should read this #I didn't either #I just wrote it #who proofreads stuff anyway #I found a different #neil gaiman

17 notes · View notes

worstlovesong · 5 months

Note

asks for distractions: what are your favourite lucy lyrics? (solo + boygenius inclusive!)

Thank youuu <3 I apologize in advance for anyone who thought I could be normal about this because I am simply Insane about Lucy’s writing <3

“We had a lot to measure / We had more past than pleasure / And time grows deep like weeds” - Dream state…

This song hits me hard post-bad-friendship but this lyric sticks with me. Realizing that even if there was a lot of memories built with someone, they may not be Good Ones. Realizing after the fact that perhaps the time spent together wasn’t as good as it once seemed. Time is always moving forward and now that you’re away from them, you’re left with a mind full of invasive weeds to pluck through in search of new growth.

“If beauty is the only way / To make the nightmares go away / I'll plant a garden in your brain / And let the roots absorb the pain” - Trust

This chorus makes me so !!!!! Like oh my god. It’s just beautiful, it’s a promise of a loved one wanting to ease your pain and soothe your fears in the gentlest way. It’s a promise to yourself, to find beauty in the world and hold onto it because then there’s a reason to keep going.

“Don't hold your breath, forget you ever saw me at my best / You don't deserve what you don't respect / Don't deserve what you say you love and then neglect” - Night Shift

This song in its entirety is just a fucking masterpiece. I love it so much and I struggle to express why. This part specifically gets across exactly what I want to say to someone who hurt me and it honestly helps me reframe my thoughts because No this person does not deserve me at my best or at all because they did not respect or love me like they said they did ‼️

“Believe me, I'm speaking plainly and painfully/Trying to stay elegant, eloquent and delicate to you” - Body to Flame

This one just scratches my brain tbh. This whole song is beautiful and just the very human concept of knowing someone so well and yet somehow not fully understanding them because we are all so unpredictable

“The future isn't worth its weight in gold / The future is a benevolent black hole” - Cartwheel

Not being ready to face the future, especially when it takes things and people away from you. Change is hard, change is scary, change is autism’s worst nightmare (and therefore mine). Yet she also implies that the future, while vast and unknown and forcing change, is not inherently evil. The future can bring good things, even if you’re not ready for it.

“I wanna run my fingers through you / You say nobody understands you like I do” - Partner in Crime

Once again this just makes my brain go ‼️

“You called me cerebral / I didn't know what you meant / But now I do, would it have killed you / To call me pretty instead?” -Brando

This line and I Don’t Wanna Be Funny Anymore hit me for the same reasons. Growing up being forced into the role of the funny one or the smart one but I was never pretty. It’s just that frustration with people who can’t even bother to give straightforward praise/compliments, calling you an old soul or wise for your age or cerebral. What does that even mean, when you’re 10 years old and just like to read books but they paint you as a scholar or you’re 15 and you’ve never had someone other than your grandmother tell you you’re beautiful. Like goddamn just let me be pretty for once.

“I'm staring at my hands / Red, ruddy skin, I don't understand / How did they betray me? What did I do?” - Triple Dog Dare

After I came out to my family at 15 years old I wasn’t allowed to see my friends outside of school for months. I internalized it, I mean I was still dealing with severe internalized homophobia from the church and I thought it must be My Fault. I remember apologizing to my friends, crying, because I wasn’t allowed to come over or hang out with them. As if it was my fault. I would spend hours regretting coming out, wondering what I did that was so wrong. This line just sits in my brain and wow Lucy Dacus is just like me fr

“I want you to tell me that you miss me / Want you to hold and hurt and kiss me / I wanna run away and live on your family's boat” - Triple Dog Dare

As you can tell by my pinned post I have Feelings about this verse. I’ve posted about this before but this song is the perfect example of young queer love and how adults interfere and see it as impure. This line specifically just highlights that need to be with that person, for them to hold you and kiss you and even if they’re hurting you at least it’s proof they’re there. The need to to run away with them because even if you’re missing at least you’re together in the end. God this song makes me fucking feral.

“But it feels good to be known so well / I can't hide from you like I hide from myself / I remember who I am when I'm with you / Your love is tough, your love is tried and true-blue” -True Blue

I’m really gay and I love my girlfriend <3

But also like this song just fucking hits oh my god. Being known and loved by someone in a way that is so genuine, so honest, so raw. The parts of yourself you are ashamed of they embrace openly. A dependable and honest love that makes you remember yourself, truly see yourself.

“I wanna live a vibrant life / But I wanna die a boring death”

AND

“Oh, it hurts to hope for more / Oh, it hurts to hope the future / Will be better than before” - Afraid of Heights

I remember after my first listen of this song I just sat there stunned, crying. This song is so dear to me and Lucy has my entire heart. I relate to the concept of a toxic friendship in which the person pushes your boundaries and shames you for them. Every word of this song resonates and I’m so tired so I don’t think I can do it justice but I truly have many thoughts on it.

The wish to just live a bright and exciting life but not die in a risky, stressful, painful way. The pain of the unknown, of the future, once again going back to the benevolent black hole. Just hoping that one day things will be better because it’s all you can hold on to but it hurts so much some days

This got so long 🫠 I recognize I have a problem and I just want y’all to know I love Lucy Dacus she’s everything to me <33

#also the entirety of we’re in love but I didn’t think y’all wanted me to add that agsjdjd #Lucy Dacus songwriter of all time #I can’t help that I’m a lyric guy and I hyperanalyze everything I listen to #cj.txt #asks #anon !!#lucy dacus

4 notes · View notes

theivydorms · 11 months

Text

here is my Kind Brave Unstoppable Pillar from @rosewoodconch ‘sRosewood POP in Feb that i thought i’d share on here! okay have fun !

CW: mention of ED and hospital (very light)

I’ve been an avid fan of the Rosewood Chronicles since I was about eleven or twelve. I'm pretty sure I remember the moment I first saw Undercover Princess on a display shelf at a waterstones that has since closed, and asking my dad to buy me the “boarding school princess” book - two of my most favourite things in literature mixed together.

I immediately fell in love with Undercover Princess and pre ordered Princess in Practice as soon as I could. I screamed when it arrived a day early. And, to be honest, I’ve screamed each time a new Rosewood Chronicles book has been delivered to my house.

I felt like Lottie was me; a bookish, dark blonde, blue-eyed girl obsessed with princesses and dreaming of boarding school. I’ve tried to make my bedroom look like Lottie’s old room mixed with her dorm room with white wood, cosy blankets and many, many books and candles. I’m still searching for a purple persian rug, like the one in the ivy dorm. I’m always on the lookout for a purple tartan pinafore to go with my ivy jumper. My friend gave me a necklace with a silver animal on it for my fifteenth birthday which made me ecstatic since Lottie got her wolf pendant for her fifteenth! I know that having a character to relate to at such an extent is a privilege and one that I’m very grateful for.

Her mantra instantaneously became my own. For about five years now I’ve said to myself those three precious words nearly every day. I say it each night before I go to sleep, searching through my day to find the ways I’ve been the attributes Lottie holds so dear. I said it to myself during my drama performance exam because I thought that’s what my character would do, and it brought a little bit of me and my favourite book series into my exam.

During my darkest times, that little saying helped me through them. When I was in hospital for a month two years ago due to an eating disorder, saying Lottie’s motto helped me get to sleep; it gave me some normality and so much comfort during a time and place that was lacking such things. One of my main reasons to recover and get out of hospital was so I could get to my house in time for my delivery of Princess at Heart. The Rosewood Chronicles gave me hope, and for that, I cherish them endlessly.

For my birthday a few years ago, my sister made me a poster of the mantra. I’d said around that time that I’d been struggling to see myself as considerate or courageous or positively stubborn, so she made a gigantic poster out of four a4 sheets of paper with Lottie’s saying scrawled in gold pen. She blu-tacked it to the wall opposite my door so that way it was the first thing I saw when I got up on my birthday. I then put it above my headboard, surrounded by glowing fairy lights, and I’d read it most nights before going to sleep, reminding myself I was and could be those things.

The poeticness of Lottie’s saying warms my heart; it's so simple and yet so beautiful. Connie’s writing is gorgeous and spell binding - it captivated me from the first line of Undercover Princess’s prologue and has helped me see the beauty in small things. Helped me find those places where wondrous and whimsical things are more capable of happening and those people who are powerful enough to change or achieve anything.

Saying Lottie’s mantra has helped me go down dark streets at night and get me through my first cat calling experience. As a woman and a very feminine presenting person, the world can be a scary place, with thugs scarier than those teenage boys who tormented Lottie near the end of Princess at Heart, looking to make others feel uncomfy and scared with their crude comments. Mantras like Lottie’s can really help pull one through those scary, horrible moments. After I’d seen people make others uncomfortable, Lottie helped me be sympathetic and check if they were alright. After being told to “calm down” by a boy in my PE class, Lottie helped me be bold. After a binman had whistled at me, Lottie helped me be inexorable and continue running.

The three words can sometimes seem simple and plain, but if you look to the words used in the Rosewood Chronicles’ foreign language editions, they sound exciting and majestic; there’s bienveillante, courageuse, determinee in French; freundlich, mutig, gib niemals auf (unstoppable, here, meaning never give up) in German; bondosa, corajosa, imparável in Portuguese; bună, curajoasă, de neoprit in Romanian; życzliwa, odważna, niepowstrzymana in Polish; אדיבה, אמיצה ובלתי ניתנת לעצירנ in Hebrew. They all sound so beautiful - words I’d like to have as endless earworms, chanting for me throughout my day. I hope to read all the editions of the Rosewood Chronicles of the languages that I study - French, Spanish and maybe one day Japanese, although I’ll need to learn a lot more first!

I saw a tumblr post from @rosewoodconch the other day, saying how Lottie stuck to even the more negative sides of her mantra. It helped me come to terms with my stubbornness and selfishness and stupidity, as Lo had said it had helped their’s. I know I’m not so benevolent or courageous or resourceful all the time, and being reminded in Lo’s post that Lottie is also not perfect helped me too, to realise that perfection in morals and actions is not an achievable goal.

I may sound silly, like a girl who’s obsessed with princesses or something, but I’m so grateful for this mantra for helping me through for the past five years and forevermore.

I only have one more thing to say to you guys ( btw, if you got this far, I love you so much ! )

be kind, be brave and be unstoppable.

Jane from the.ivy.dorms

#rosewood chronicles #the rosewood chronicles #rwch #lottie pumpkin #connie glynn #personal essay #ed recovery

8 notes · View notes

tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 6 months

Text

I wrote a post recently about how, the more I get into live stand-up comedy, the more the contrived nature of TV comedy bothers me. It’s not that I didn’t see it before, it just didn’t seem like a problem, until I started hearing comedy shows that were entirely written by the person performing them and had those as a basis for comparison. It makes some of the stuff I used to like a bit harder to listen to, now.

I’ve been re-watching some old episodes of The Mash Report/Late Night Mash lately, and interestingly, I’ve found that hasn’t happened with that.

It’s sometimes a bit awkward and stilted when Nish is reading an autocue, because someone reading an autocue is always a bit awkward. But it’s not that bad. Normally on TV, when one comedian laughs really hard at another comedian’s joke, I think 1) I’ve heard that comedian make that joke on other panel shows before, you’ve definitely heard it before too, and 2) even if you hadn’t heard it before, you would have heard it in rehearsal, right? You can’t be surprised at what happens in a show that you rehearsed before filming it.

But when Nish corpses, I do tend to believe him. Because I’m pretty sure Nish Kumar’s just like that. Doesn’t matter if he heard the joke in rehearsal already. Nish Kumar finds everything funny, and will let you know that. I think there might have been a time when I thought Nish was maybe, slightly, occasionally playing up his loud and generous laughter for attention on TV. But I’m now pretty convinced it’s real, more so than most of what you’ll see on TV. If he’s faking that, it’s a very successful long con, he has committed to the bit hard.

Anyway, I re-watched Late Night Mash s01e04 today, and God that show was good. Here are some clips of it that feature three comedians whom I now very much like as stand-ups: Olga Koch (I’ve heard four of her stand-up hours in the last couple of weeks, enjoyed all of them, have quickly become a fan), Ahir Shah (winner of the award for best Edinburgh show of 2023, I’ve heard quite a few 2023 Edinburgh shows and agree with the judges’ pick, as well as having a huge soft spot for his 2019 show because 1) I really enjoyed watching it, and 2) it’s what convinced me to go back on anxiety meds so I do briefly think of him every night when I take a cocktail of pills), and Nish Kumar (eighth wonder of the world, based on some of the stand-up he’s been trying out lately he’s got a good shot at my favourite stand-up hour of 2024). None of them came across on this show as too manufactured, as something I can’t enjoy because they’re more contrived than they are in stand-up. I think The Mash Report(/Late Night Mash) was doing something well, in letting their actual talent come through.

youtube

Olga's segment had a lot of stuff from her actual stand-up show in that year, presented in a way that I thought, if anything, worked even better than it did in her filmed special.

And as for Ahir’s bits, I’d like to say – aw, it’s okay, Ahir, in a couple of years you won’t be able to do jokes about whether it’s the government’s fault that you’re single, because you’ll do a beautiful emotionally moving stand-up show that involves discussing your upcoming marriage (a marriage that I believe happened within the last couple of weeks, so good for him, try to keep any cheating on her to fewer than three years, Ahir, because some people have disappointed me lately and I need to be able to believe in something).

To be fair, the part in that clip about how he likes the idea of being a dad but would really rather be an uncle due to less commitment, was a less good version of the quote from the end of his 2019 Edinburgh show: “All I want from life is to be sat in a room with a glass of wine and a book and a fire, and I have a family but they’re not there.” I really recommend watching the stand-up special that closes with that line (Ahir Shah’s Dots, 2019 Edinburgh show filmed in 2021, that show also has the pearl of wisdom that going off anti-depressants “is a pro-depressant” and might be worth reversing) a month or so after breaking up with your girlfriend because you had a crisis of mental health and realized you love having people in your life but struggle with the actual ordeal of tolerating other people’s actual presence for long periods of time. Solid thing to watch at that point. It’ll fuck you up.

Anyway, how did I get onto this subject? I’m doing fine, definitely not getting a second wave of sadness about a breakup that I really had gotten mostly over but it was a year ago this month and the things that the weather is doing are reminding me of what happened last year during this month when the weather did the same thing. Definitely not making it so an innocent post about The Mash Report has somehow found its way onto that subject. It’s fine.

The point is The Mash Report was a good show. I’ve checked, I’ve watched all the other ones, and that one was good. I’ve been listening to a lot of Alan Partridge lately, and recently heard him say he’s sorry to leave the BBC now (in Big Beacon, an audiobook that was published in late 2023), since it’s only just becoming the way he likes it, with lots of conservatives (I think the character meant it with a small C, the authors clearly meant it with a capital C) in executive roles. It was, to be honest, a bit of a clunky moment in an overall great body of writing. A moment that felt a little more like the authors using the character as a mouthpiece, than something he’d genuinely say (not that that doesn’t line up with Alan Partridge’s established worldview, it just didn’t sound like how he’d put it). However, those authors definitely had a point. Fuck the people who canceled this show. (And Dave, to be fair the above clips are from Late Night Mash and it was actually Dave that canceled that, after the BBC canceled The Mash Report and then Dave gave it two Late Night Mash seasons before putting getting rid of it for real, but still fuck them.)

2 notes · View notes

reviewting · 1 year

Text

Word of Honor

“Wen…Wen Kexing” answered The Chief of Ghost Valley while casually fanning himself with a gigantic traditional hand fan. T-t-that is one of my favourite scene from the series. Also this one:

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, you may now walk out of here. JUST KIDDING! Please stay because I want to scream at you for not telling me about this series sooner I always say this and I always end up blaming myself. Anyway, go log into your Netflix account and start watching this amazing series or else...

Score

Storyline : ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ ⭐️ (9/10)

Plot : ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ ⭐️⭐️ (09/10)

Pace : ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (8/10)

Acting : ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (10/10)

Rewatch value : ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ (10/10)

Storyline

The story is about Zhou Zishu (ZZ), a leader of an assassin organisation who wants to retire from his evil job. There is one thing stopping him, though. The organisation does not allow any of their members to retire. In reality, I think the rule is good because they are so evil they don't deserve a good life (but then I changed my mind at the end so wth). If they really really want to retire, the only thing they can do is to embed nails inside their body at 7 acupuncture points to repress their martial art abilities. But of course there is going to be a catch, after the embedding of the nails, the person can only live for 3 years. Only then they can leave the castle. So, being a brave human that he is (well, he has nothing to lose really because he has no one in the world left to care for), ZZ asked for those 7 nails to be embedded in his body and then he goes on his merry way. You thought it ends after that? Yiu thought wrooong! There are complications, ZZ is going to die slowly. He will lose his 5 senses very very slowly before he eventually will succumb to death. Basically, he's going to be sick and it will get worse until he drops dead. Because of that, he decided to be a homeless and went to have an adventure to spend his remaining time.

During his adventure, ZZ meets a lot of people. some of them are nice, some of them are not. He still needs to fight people sometimes and that takes a toll to his own body. Well, because he's not supposed to use his martial art skills with the while dying. So basically, ZZ is a walking deadman. One day he meets this one guy, very randomly. This random guy introduced himself as Wen Kexing (WX). To ZZ’s surprise and annoyance, this guy follows ZZ everywhere because WX was in love with ZZ at first sight could sense that ZZ is lying to him about his identity, so WX swears that he will find out about ZZ identity himself. At some point WX finds out about the 7 nails inside ZZ body and he gets very distraught, so he set a goal for himself to try his best to safe the man his loves ZZ. So their adventure starts from there. They also adopted a couple of children find young friends along the way and help trained them to be better at martial art. Oh yeah, I almost forget to mention that the cultivation world (where ZZ and WX live) was in state of chaos, so people outside the castle were fighting each other to get a secret key. This key, many believed, could lead to an armoury that holds the answers to all the secrets and questions in the world. So, during their adventure, both ZZ and WX get themselves trapped in between the civil war. Mostly because WX have this brilliant idea that he can safe ZZ and prevent him from dying if they both can get this secret key (to open the armoury and then look for a sacred book there). Poor ZZ, he just wants to retire and lives his life as a normal human being but the universe said no. Well, WX is kind of his universe and he also said no to dying, so poor ZZ.

Characters

Wen Kexing is my most favourite character. He's super stylist, you have to see his outfits on every episode, so beautiful. He's also dramatic and clingy, so adorable. Can you believe that this man who acts like a worried puppy in front of ZZ is actually The Chief of Ghost Valley? Let me repeat, THE CHIEF! Well, what is a Ghost Valley? It is a far and remote place where evil people and all people who are considered dead to the world live. He is a menace to his employees, but he is a sweetheart to the people he cares about. So f-ing adorable.

Zhou Zishu, I don’t think he ever expected to be able to feel alive again and wanting to life again. However, after meeting WX, I think, he changes his mind. Reluctantly at first, but then he realises that he still has the ability to care about and for someone else. It's so beautiful. He also is fully aware that he was an evil person and how he need to repent himself for all of his wrongdoings. He is a man of a few words and very chill compared to his partner, WX.

Gu Xiang and Wei Ning are two other people who I love and adore so much. I love them so much it hurts me physically. I believe in love again after watching them, they support and love each other regardless of who they were supposed to be.

Cheng ling, I am actually proud of him. There are some moments that I was very disappointed by him but I understand where is is coming from and what he went through. Finding out about your teacher's secret and it has something to do with your own family is going to be hard for ALL people. Regardless, I like him, I like seeing what he turned out to be at the end.

Last but not least is Ye Bai Yi. I love this old man, I love how weird he is and I love how blunt and frontal he could get sometimes. His "I don't fucking care about all these shits because I am tired of y'all" persona is so interesting. I thought he was one of the bad guy at some point. Everything is peak comedy with him. Also, he eats snow, who does that?

Where to watch

Netflix

Viki

Prime video

For the bonus episode: Youtube, Viki

#word of honor #zhou zishu #wen kexing #reviewtingseries #reviewtingbl #movie review #faraway wanderers #wuxia drama

11 notes · View notes

jonismitchell · 2 years

Note

what are your all time fave books? I’m looking to add stuff to my tbr and I trust ur taste. also have a great day!

hello! thank you so much for this ask :') i was just thinking how annoyed i was that a book recommendations post i made two years ago is still circulating—my taste has changed quite a bit since then and i would write it a bit differently now. here are my all-time favourite books in a hopefully entertaining list format—but if you just want the titles i've bolded them. below the cut because i talk too much.

wuthering heights by emily brontë. this is my favourite book of all time. if i had to pick one book to take with me to a desert island, one book to read before i die, one book to assign the entire population to read—well, this would be it. the story here is a monstrous one of possession, isolation, and the heights of obsession, rendered in painfully human prose and ultimately returning to hope. [favourite quote: you said i killed you— haunt me, then! be with me always— take any form— drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where i cannot find you!]

the karamazov brothers by fyodor dostoyevsky. i spent a solid half of my life whining about my parents' attempts to make me read the classics (in my defense, who gifts an eight-year-old anna karenina?) and as soon as i engaged with them properly, i became fascinated enough to want to do an english degree. so that backfired. i love this book. i love what dostoyevsky has to say about humanity—in his work, goodness is always possible. [favourite quote: what is hell? i maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.]*

emma by jane austen. this is the romance novel of all time. it tells the story of emma woodhouse, a complex and multifaceted heroine, and her growth as a character is inextricably tied to the love story. it's also great social commentary, and austen was one hell of a wit. (that bit with miss bates at the picnic is funnier than ninety percent of standups today.) emma is my favourite austen heroine for her story of redemption. [favourite quote: if i loved you less, i might be able to talk about it more.]

ulysses by james joyce. i will not lie to my good, dear reader. i read every day, i've been reading since i was two years old, and i found this book difficult. it requires engagement and attention from the reader, a great deal of concentration and insight—and yet, for the devoted reader, it yields so much. it's a great novel, joyce is a brilliant prose stylist, and it provides endless opportunity for interpretation. truly the book that exemplifies italo calvino's 'a classic is a book that has never finished saying what it has to say.' [favourite quote: history, stephen said, is a nightmare from which i am trying to awake.]

les misérables by victor hugo. i read this book only a few weeks ago, but it had such a profound effect on me that i had to include it in this list. hugo weaves a brilliant tale of love, hope, and redemption amidst the vivid backdrop of history. the story of jean valjean, the chapter 'javert derailed', the endless goodness of cosette... AND i got to learn new things about waterloo/fictional religious people/the paris sewer system? one of the greats of all time. [favourite quote: 'you don’t believe in anything.’ / ‘i believe in you.’]

so that would be my top five! more of my favourites (classics edition) are: a tale of two cities by charles dickens, madame bovary by gustave flaubert, anna karenina by leo tolstoy, the master and margarita by mikhail bulgakov, jane eyre by charlotte brontë, to the lighthouse by virginia woolf, franny and zooey by j.d. salinger, the bell jar by sylvia plath, swann's way by marcel proust; and the portrait of a lady by henry james.

in the likely scenario that you want to read something that you wouldn't have to in english class, more of my favourite books include: normal people, beautiful world where are you, and conversations with friends by sally rooney; a series of unfortunate events by lemony snicket; my year of rest and relaxation by ottessa moshfegh; the goldfinch by donna tartt; play it as it lays by joan didion; and the island of sea women by lisa see.

and a nonfiction favourites section: everything i know about love by dolly alderton; a room of one's own by virginia woolf; strong opinions and speak, memory by vladimir nabokov; right wing women by andrea dworkin; how we survived communism and even laughed by slavenka drakulić; just kids by patti smith; invisible women: data bias in a world designed for men by caroline criado pérez; and girl, interrupted by susanna kaysen.

oh, and while i'm at it might include some favourite poetry collections: ariel: the restored edition by sylvia plath; the waste land and other poems by t.s. eliot; lunch poems by frank o'hara; deaf republic by ilya kaminsky; anything anna akhmatova wrote; and of course crush by richard siken.

hope you find something new to read :)

*my favourite unofficial quote from this book is 'your dad's not your dad if he's a bitch', which i wrote to summarize a monologue given in one of my favourite chapters.

#pastlifemp3 #sorry i've never concisely responded to an ask in my life #asking with you

10 notes · View notes

talenlee · 1 year

Text

January Wrapup, 2023!

It’s not the end of the month just yet. I’m looking down the barrel of the end of the month, and seeing what’s coming in the last week or so, and phew. I better write this month’s wrapup now because at some point I’m going to be helping someone move house and that’s not fun at the best of times.

Let’s check out first of all, what I wrote this month about games in the Game Pile:

Keep The Heroes Out: This was a really fun cooperative board game that I enjoyed playing a lot. What’s more, playing it, I kept thinking about the way that the game used its particular structure of iconography and a rulebook to displace the game systems away from a lot of reading. It’s beautiful, it’s indulgent, there’s not a lot of time waste in the box on something that isn’t adding something cool to the game.

Speedrunning the Swindle: I wanted to make something that suited the theme of GDQ that was running at the time, and I decided to make a video about finally getting off my butt and making a speedrun archive page for The Swindle. As of right now? I’m still the world leader at The Swindle which means, odds are good, you can probably get the record off me.

Crystal Caves: There’s always space for something small and weird from gaming’s history, and it seems that if you ask me about the old games from the Apogee shareware catalogue, you’ll find me eventually bringing it back to assumptions about the world and what working class people look like. What’s acceptable? What’s normal? Turns out: working for huge piles of money and still always needing to do more work!

A 2023 Channel Trailer: With the dissolution of twitter’s importance in my life, I decided I wanted to redo my channel trailer. This meant using most of the existing audio, but redoing it to both refine it down to exactly 2 minutes long, and using it to present my new animated avatar. I got to do a lot of improvement from this video, like how to make it lip-sync to audio without needing to prop a microphone into my headphones!

And this month’s posting in the Story Pile:

Goncharov: I wrote an explainer on the giant consensual play experience of funning around with the gimmick fake movie, Goncharov from November 2022, and the strangely condescending way everyone who wasn’t enjoying it thought it should have been done.

The Rendezvous: There are a lot of pieces of media that relate to speedrunning of sorts, you know, almost anything built about a race, documentaries about speedrunning, all that good stuff. But I love finding ways to connect older things to current things, and this is one of my dad’s favourite movies that happens to be an IRL speedrun that just happens to have also been really illegal.

Megatokyo: This article is over four thousand words long. Read aloud, it’s over forty minutes. Do you want me to make a video version of this?

Children of Time: I loved this book about cat-sized spider culture! I don’t talk much about books I read (because a lot of the books I read are more academic than fictional) but this was a really cracking one that I read last year and actually kept putting off because I wanted to write about it when it would be fun to do so.

My Hero Academia, Season 1: Oh hey, you know those huge sprawling TV series that are hard to examine as a single, big chunk? I’ve decided to try breaking them up into separate articles so I can examine them in terms of the kinds of time commitment they ask of you!

This is a month for maintenance. I’m trying this year to do more with each post; fewer posts that are really brief and don’t feature a solid amount of words and images. Generally, a thousand words, or five minutes of audio, or an image made for the post (as is the exchange rate for words, I understand). I’m trying to make it so I don’t pad things out much, and use each potential space to say some stuff to do so – like the ‘welcome to 2023 post‘ this year was also a consideration of what it means to blog for ten years and why I started.

There are articles I hold off on writing until I can dedicate time to being sure I’m happy with them, comfortable with how they read and I can run them past people, spoken aloud — and for me, this month, the example is the article about ‘Losing’ Bridget. This grew out of considering the challenges of two different axes I know can feel really rough: Being a wrong kind of fan and being a guy in a space where it feels like people are celebrating something you didn’t think was hurting anyone. I thought this was a worthy topic to think about and talk about, and to try and serve as a guy, as a positive example to other guys about how to relate to this challenging space without hurting other people out of defiance or thoughtlessness.

If you like me talking about my D&D setting, and why I made the choices I did, I wound up telling the story of the founding of a goblin city and how it put the King’s Highway through the nation of Dal Raeda. This year I’m doing a big project with my Magic: The Gathering custom cards, creating a whole set with flavour and worldbuilding. It’s called the Usurper’s Palace and I wrote about it in a little more detail, and you can follow it now throughout the year. I wrote a bit about Josh Lyman (first time being here), the character from the West Wing, and one of the many instances in which he was a shitty dude who sucks. It’s pretty important since Josh Lyman is a fictional character who was able to will himself into an embarrassing real existence. Finally, during GDQ I wrote about The Grasshopper, a book I like a lot because I find its definition of games and how we play them interesting, and how that book relates to the idea of a speedrun.

This month’s shirt is a simple text-on-field kind of design about what it’s like to exist in my head at the right time and place, where the phrase I’m fine, and you? is something resting atop and keeping you safe from an extremely extensive kind of haranguing that wants to talk about specific, intriguing media events that excite and frustrate me. You can get it in white text and black text!

This month featured a return to PhD meetings, my niblings going on an international trip, one of my best friends being away from home, GDQ, Fox getting a vaccine booster and reacting to it poorly in the pharmacy, the build-up for Cancon, then the actual running of Cancon, Australia day, and a housemove. This is a month where two absolute bastard Catholics dropped dead, I fucked up pretty badly and then I spent weeks trying to unfuck the upfuck.

I am writing this a week out and I feel good about what I’m trying to do, but I’m also just feeling that constant low-key jostling watery stomach feeling. I find myself talking to the air around me like here’s why I made the mistake I did, which isn’t helpful and doesn’t do anything beyond get me dwelling on the mistake again, and that makes me feel stupid, and that’s not a good place. I try to respond to this feeling when I notice myself doing it by just getting to work on the thing I fucked up and trying to address it.

Right now I am looking at it in another tab and I want to make sure I don’t fuck it up while trying to unfuck it.

Also, funny thing? I was really interested in working on board games while I was at Cancon, but I didn’t have the time. Everything was way too bloody busy for me to sit down and spend time talking with people about game designs! And that’s normally a time when I have heaps of time to look at games, look at game designs and things in the library and ask myself ‘how would I approach that? How would I implement that?’

No chance.

I’m shocked at how busy this month has been but god damnit I am going to get this done.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Diary

1 note · View note

gayforclout · 2 years

Note

hey hey hey !!! I read you like philosophy !!! well that's great bc I have to do an essay about a philosophical question/phrase. what do u recommend me? :) have a great day

hmmmmm my absolute favourite is probably "a bike is not a bike, it's an arrangement of bike parts in the shape of a bike, and a bike part isn't a bike part, it's an arrangement of smaller things in the shape of a bike part, ad infinitum." i first heard it at a talk given by a buddhist monk like seven whole years ago in high school of all things, before i ever got into this sort of thing, and it stuck with me so much that later on it was partially responsible for me initially looking into buddhism and so moving from my 'extremely cynical teenager' phase into one that embraces kindness and personal truth more. it's about perspective, and how our reality is shaped by it, even though that does not mean it is an objective reality. i haven't read it yet, but i would be surprised if 'zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance' doesn't touch on it. obviously a lot of philosophy is about the definition of truth and reality etc, but i think it's a good way of remembering that something that is a hard, objective truth to you is still extremely mutable. if you took a car part out of a car and asked me what machine it came from, i would start pointing at random stuff near me until you got sick of it and walked away, but a mechanic would probably be able to name it immediately and tell you what it did. doctors sometimes forget what normal lay person knowledge is, because they have spent at least close to a decade absolutely immersed in it all, and their day to day is so far from, say, the mechanic's.

'when things fall apart' by pema chodron wasn't my favourite book, but she had a huge focus on the necessity of feeling comfortable in uncertainty, which, if you are considering an objective reality, is the only honest way to do it. 'the courage to be disliked' by ichiro kishimi and fumitake koga doesn't really have a huge focus on objective reality, but i find it an excellent supplement. the title of the book comes from the idea that whether or not people like you is not, really, your problem, because it has nothing to do with your behaviour, if you are living your honest life. your actions will be observed through other people's own perspective, and you just can't control that, so you may as well do your best with the information you have available, and if it leads to people disliking you, so be it.

another book that informs my philosophy is 'the elegance of the hedgehog' by muriel barbery. it's a fiction book, and actually has a bigger focus on the importance of finding beauty and pleasure and happiness in the world, rather than focus on all the (still extremely present) nastiness. but it does touch on reality, and a quote i enjoy is "We have to live with the certainty that we'll get old and it won't look nice or be good or feel happy. And tell ourselves that it's now that matters: to build something, now, at any price, using all our strength." i used to think about the first sentence without the sentence, which is really just betraying the source material.

i hope this has been helpful and you also enjoy the concept of the bike, otherwise i'm sure this has been super useless lol 🙃 also sorry there's not more traditional philosophy texts here; i find strict philosophies like stoicism and nihilism a little... well, restricting. so much of philosophy focuses inward, but i've done quite enough of that, i think. i'd rather focus outward, trying to expand my perspective, and share things in common with everyone in the world. good luck with your essay!!

#i'm sorry this is so long #later i may try and put it under a read more but idk how to do it #i'll also go back and check for typos etc but i need to meet my sister soon #here's another objective reality: my family never show up early when meeting me bc they know i will probably be late #sigh it's a good thing they love me or i think they would hate me #anon

1 note · View note

blackcatrph · 3 years

Text

** sour sentence starters.

brutal.

“ i think that i’ll die before i drink. ”

“ i'm so caught up in the news of who likes me and who hates you. ”

“ i'm so tired that I might quit my job, start a new life. ”

“ they'd all be so disappointed because who am I if not exploited? ”

“ where's my fuckin' teenage dream? ”

“ if someone tells me one more time "enjoy your youth," I'm gonna cry. ”

“ i'm anxious and nothing can help. ”

“ i wish I'd done this before. ”

“ i wish people liked me more. ”

“ all I did was try my best. ”

“ this the kind of thanks I get? ”

“ they say these are the golden years. ”

“ i wish I could disappear. ”

“ god, it's brutal out here. ”

“ i feel like no one wants me. ”

“ i only have two real friends. ”

“ lately I'm a nervous wreck. ”

“ i love people I don't like. ”

“ i hate every song I write. ”

“ i'm not cool, and I'm not smart. ”

“ i can't even parallel park. ”

“ got a broken ego, broken heart. ”

“ i don't even know where to start. ”

traitor.

“ brown guilty eyes and little white lies. ”

“ i played dumb but I always knew. ”

“ i kept quiet so I could keep you. ”

“ ain't it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits? ”

“ ain't it funny how you said you were friends? ”

“ it sure as hell don't look like it. ”

“ you betrayed me. ”

“ i know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt. ”

“ loved you at your worst but that didn't matter. ”

“ guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor. ”

“ there's no damn way that you could fall in love with somebody that quickly. ”

“ ain't it funny, all the twisted games, all the questions you used to avoid? ”

“ remember I brought her up and you told me I was paranoid? ”

“ i wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you. ”

“ you gave me your word but that didn't matter. ”

drivers license.

“ i got my driver's license last week. ”

“ just like we always talked about. ”

“ today I drove through the suburbs crying 'cause you weren't around. ”

“ you're probably with that blonde girl. ”

“ she's so much older than me. ”

“ she's everything I'm insecure about. ”

“ how could I ever love someone else? “

“ i know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one. ”

“ i just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone. ”

“ guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me. ”

“ all my friends are tired of hearing how much I miss you. ”

“ I kinda feel sorry for them because they'll never know you the way that I do. ”

“ i still see your face in the white cars, front yards. ”

“ can't drive past the places we used to go to because I still fuckin' love you. ”

1 step forward, 3 steps back.

“ i called you on the phone today. ”

“ all I did was speak normally. ”

“ you got me fucked up in the head. ”

“ like am I pretty? am I fun? ”

“ i hate that I gave you power over that kind of stuff. ”

“ it's always one step forward and three steps back. ”

“ i'm the love of your life until I make you mad. ”

“ do you love me, want me, hate me? i don't understand. ”

“ maybe in some masochistic way I kind of find it all exciting. ”

“ which lover will I get today? ”

“ will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'? ”

“ it's back and forth, did I say somethin' wrong? ”

“ it's back and forth, goin' over everything I said. ”

“ i'd leave you, but the roller coaster's all I've ever had. ”

deja vu.

“ strawberry ice cream, one spoon for two? ”

“ i bet she's braggin' to all her friends, sayin' you're so unique. ”

“ so when you gonna tell her that we did that, too? ”

“ that was our place, I found it first. ”

“ i made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you. ”

“ do you get déjà vu when she's with you? ”

“ do you call her, almost say my name? ”

“ i hate to think that I was just your type. ”

“ don't act like we didn't do that shit too. ”

“ play her piano, but she doesn't know that I was the one who taught you Billy Joel. ”

good 4 u.

“ well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily. ”

“ you found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks. ”

“ remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world? ”

“ good for you, I guess that you've been workin' on yourself. ”

“ i guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped. ”

“ now you can be a better man for your brand new girl. ”

“ well, good for you, you look happy and healthy. ”

“ not me, if you ever cared to ask. ”

“ good for you, you're doin' great out there without me. ”

“ i've lost my mind. ”

“ i've spent the night cryin' on the floor in my bathroom. ”

“ it's like we never even happened. ”

“ what the fuck is up with that? ”

“ good for you, it's like you never even met me. ”

“ remember when you swore to god i was the only person who ever got you? ”

“ well, screw that and screw you. ”

“ you will never have to hurt the way you know that I do. ”

“ maybe I'm too emotional. ”

“ your apathy's like a wound in salt. ”

“ maybe I'm too emotional or maybe you never cared at all. ”

“ like a damn sociopath. ”

enough for you.

“ i wore makeup when we dated because I thought you'd like me more. ”

“ i know that you loved before. ”

“ tried so hard to be everything that you like. ”

“ i read all of your self-help books so you'd think that I was smart. ”

“ stupid, emotional, obsessive little me. ”

“ i knew from the start this is exactly how you'd leave. ”

“ you found someonе more exciting. ”

“ you left me there cryin', wonderin' what I did wrong. ”

“ you always say I'm never satisfied but I don't think that's true. ”

“ all I ever wanted was to be enough for you. ”

“ maybe I'm just not as interesting as the girls you had before. ”

“ you couldn't have cared less about someone who loved you more. ”

“ i'd say you broke my heart but you broke much more than that. ”

“ i don’t want your sympathy, i just want myself back. ”

“ don’t you think i loved you too much to be used and discarded? ”

“ don't you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing? ”

“ don’t tell me you’re sorry, feel sorry for yourself. ”

“ someday i’ll be everything to somebody else. ”

“ you’ll be the one crying. ”

happier.

“ we broke up a month ago. ”

“ your friends are mine you know. ”

“ you’ve moved on, found someone new. ”

“ i thought my heart was detached from all the sunlight of our past. ”

“ she’s so sweet, she’s so pretty. ”

“ does she mean you forgot about me ? ”

“ i hope you’re happy but not like how you were with me. ”

“ i’m selfish i know. i can’t let you go. ”

“ find someone great, but don’t find no one better. ”

“ i hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier. ”

“ do you tell her she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen? ”

“ an eternal love bullshit you know you’ll never mean. ”

“ remember when i believe you meant it when you said it first to me? ”

“ now i’m picking her apart like cutting her down will make you miss my wretched heart. ”

“ she’s beautiful, she looks kind. ”

“ she probably gives you butterflies. ”

“ i wish you all the best, really. ”

“ say you love her, just not like you loved me. ”

“ think of me fondly when your hands are on her. ”

jealousy jealousy.

“ i kinda wanna throw my phone across the room. ”

“ all i see are girls too good to be true. ”

“ i know their beauty’s not my lack but it feels like that weight is on my back. ”

“ comparison is killing me slowly. ”

“ i think i think too much. ”

“ i’m so sick of myself, i’d rather be anyone else. ”

“ my jealousy started following me. ”

“ i see everyone getting all the things i want. ”

“ i’m happy for them, but then again, i’m not. ”

“ i can’t stand it. ”

“ oh god i sound crazy. ”

“ their win is not my loss, i know it’s true. ”

“ i can’t help getting caught up in it all. ”

“ all your friends are so cool. ”

“ you go out every night. ”

“ you’re living the life. ”

“ i want to be you so bad, and i don’t even know you. ”

“ all i see is what i should be. ”

favourite crime.

“ know that i love you so bad. ”

“ i let you treat me like that. ”

“ i was your willing accomplice. ”

“ i watched as you fled the scene. ”

“ doe-eyed as you buried me. ”

“ the things i did just so i could call you mine. ”

“ the things you did. well, i hope i was your favourite crime. ”

“ you used me as an alibi. ”

“ i crossed my heart and you crossed the line. ”

“ i defended you to all my friends. ”

“ every time i siren sounds, i wonder if you’re around. ”

“ you know that i’d do it all again. ”

“ it’s bittersweet to think about the damage that we’d do. ”

“ i was going down but i was doing it with you. ”

“ i say that i hate you with a smile on my face. ”

“ look what we became. ”

hope ur ok.

“ his parents cared more about the bible than being good to their own child. ”

“ wore long sleeves because of his dad. ”

“ somehow we fell out of touch. ”

“ hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush. ”

“ don’t know if i’ll see you again someday. ”

“ i hope that you’re okay. ”

“ her parents hated who she loved. ”

“ she was brought into a world where family was merely blood. ”

“ with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred. ”

“ we don’t talk much. ”

“ i miss you and i hope that you’re okay. ”

“ address the letter to the holes in my butterfly wings. ”

“ nothing’s forever, nothing is as good as it seems. ”

“ when the clouds are ironed our and the monsters creep into your house, every door is hard to close. ”

“ i hope you know how proud i am. ”

“ i hope that you’re happier today. ”

“ i love you and i hope that you’re okay. ”

#rp meme #rp sentence meme #rp sentence starters #ask meme #rp ask prompts #lyrical meme #lyric rp meme #this took approx 900 years to make

554 notes · View notes

sunarintoes · 3 years

Text

Pretty Setter Squad Boyfriend Headcanons

part one can be found here II wc: 2.4k II includes: kageyama, suga, kenma, akaashi, semi and oikawa II atsumu and shirabu

rewriting because i cringe at the old hcs 😭

✗ Kagggggsss

✗ The emotionally constipated blueberry <3 oh yeahh 😎

✗ Okay well first off he can barely process his emotions (*cough* evidently *cough*)

✗ When you two first started going out he was quite shy and unsure of what to do so you may have had to guide him a bit, but if youre equally shy then it just would have taken longer to get to where you are now; oh and if that was the case it probably took some random burst of energy/confidence from either one of you to make the first move.

✗ He will buy you milk but uf you hate it (like me 🤢) he will buy you another drink - like juice :D

✗ I dont think he will be the most affectionate, it’s not his love language - and neither are words haHAH. His love language is most likely quality time and gift giving.

✗ He does like to cuddle though 😳

✗ In fact he really likes to :D his favourite is when youre sitting in his lap while he watches a volleyball game (at home - he hates pda).

✗ This brings us to our next, short point. Kageyama absolutely despises pda, he just thinks its something meant for closed doors and he does not believe that he has to display his relationship for the whole world to ogle at. The most he will do is light hand holding - mostly just linking your pinkies though.

✗ When it comes to height he does not care if you're smaller or taller than him ← but bb, please don't tease him about his height if he’s shorter because he will blow a fuse.

✗ He alternates between small spoon and big spoon, kinda depending on his mood.

✗ BOY O BOY does he get jealous. Uh please reign in your setter >:(

✗ Its mostly due to the fact that he’s insecure about himself - he thinks you will leave him like everyone else (in middle school - yes, he is still traumatised from it.)

✗ When he does get jealous he might be snappy to the other person and glare at them or be snappy at you and glare at you. When this happens please give him space because he needs it to clear his head. When he feels better he will come up to you and hug you into his chest so that he can’t see your face and you cant see his, then he will mumble an apology.

✗ Ever since you two began to date he has practiced apologising and getting better at apologising, this is because his inability to admit to his own mistakes was a sour patch in your relationship that almost ended it but he really did not want to lose you so he sucked up his pride and worked on what he had to; of course you also worked in what you had to. God I love character development 😩

✗ Dates are mostly at home dates or dates revolving around volleyball. If you're not into volleyball, Kageyama would not date you, it's something he is so passionate about and loves with every breath he takes (like you) and he refuses to compromise one love for the other.

✗ ooooh he likes arcade dates a well! He thrives in a competitive environment. If you're not competitive and don't want to compete against him then he’ll compete for you - against the machines lol. Of course you play as well! But i doubt youre as competitive as this blueberry, and if you are - well i guess at the end of the day youll both be stacked in tokens 🤠

✗ Sugawara my beloved <33

✗ He. Is. So. Affectionate!

✗ Mans loves skin on skin contact ykwim?

✗ He is down for pda and does not care what others think - only what you think <3.

✗ I mean he might make out with you in public if you ask nicely

✗ Dates are very fun with him, he’ll take you to cafes, to amusement parks, to carnivals, to movies and all the like. He’s a cliche lover and he’s proud of it.

✗ Your first kiss happened on New Years Eve/Day. The two of you sat on the roof of his house and watched as the fireworks lit up the starry sky of Miyagi and chanted the count down together. The second ‘one’ left your lips he grabbed your face (softly!!) and pulled you in to crash his lips against yours.

✗ Suga loves to cuddle, preferably face to face because he just thinks you're the most beautiful person in the world.

✗ He is not the most jealous person, he definitely does get jealous but never of strangers. It's more when his close friends or your close friends get a bit too comfortable if that makes sense? He normally plays it off with humour and messes around because he acknowledges that he is insecure and that it is most likely him thinking of the worst case scenario; however if he really does start to worry and get jealous then he will sit you down and talk about it with you. To him, communication is key.

✗ Ngl Kenma is definitely in my top 3 favourites.

✗ I may or may not be a Kenma kinnie 😳🙈

✗ i love my non-toxic gamer boy <33 anywho: no matter what ANYONE says, kenma is definitely affectionate. In fact I'd say he’s one of the most affectionate boyfriends. As we all know, he is shy and introverted but he likes to hang around and spend time with people he likes. He also talks a lot to them. So I hc that he’s a bit of a chatterbox with you and it makes him really happy when you let him talk about a game or a theory he has. He’s a great listener so you can count on him to pay attention to what you say.

✗ if you didn't already have one, he bought you a switch. He loves video game dates especially when he can't see you in person (*cough* lockdown *cough*)

✗ he loves when you sit on his lap when he plays video games. I know everyone talks about sitting on their partner’s lap as some sexual thing and yeah that can happen but most of the time he’s really soft with you and just enjoys being close to you. Loves when you cuddle into him while he plays so that he can place his head on yours or your shoulder.

✗ i think he is a bit shy when it comes to kisses but definitely warms up after a while. He absolutely refuses to sleep if he doesnt get your goodnight kisses. He loves to kiss you on your nose and your cheeks the most. He loves when you kiss him on the forehead and the nose <3

✗ kenma is not one for pda, it's just not his vibe. He prefers intimacy and privacy; his relationship is not a movie for the world to watch and gawk at. Especially timeskip!kenma. Though that does not mean he wont ever show you skinship in public, occasionally he will softly hold your hand and maybe press a light kiss to your cheek.

✗ in terms of jealousy, he is moderate. Kenma, as we all know, has incredible people reading skills, so he understands the situation pretty clearly and knows when you’re uncomfortable/what you think of the situation. Most of the time you can deal with the unwanted attention and he doesnt get jealous, but he does get insecure. He shows this by going quiet and looking away when you look at him, you can cure this by giving him hugs when you get home.

✗ Akaashi my beloved <3 he’s so pretty i can't even-

✗ ugh! Just imagine him in a dark/light academia aesthetic.

✗ perfection.

✗ akaashi is the sweetest most attentive boyfriend, he loves you to pieces and never fails to let you know. He tells you he loves you every morning and every night. He probably makes meals for you and leaves notes in that have a sweet comment like “i love you, you're the best <3”

✗ he love back hugging you BUT also receiving back hugs 🥺✨

✗ akaashi is a booknerd and an introvert. Please cuddle up to him and let him read his book to you.

✗ there are only 2 things that can restore his social battery: sleeping and you.

✗ which means he wants cuddles when he’s tired 😊

✗ he is not jealous. He just doesn't get jealous, maybe annoyed if the third party is being a bit too pushy and you're clearly uncomfortable, but he just never feels jealous. No matter how hard you may try to make him jealous (plz dont cause that's kinda toxic imo) he just won't feel that way.

✗ definitely the ‘mom/dad’ as he carries sinister, pads, bandaids → a whole first aid kit basically, everywhere. Bb must be prepared.

✗ dates are so sweet with him, cute niche cafes and dimly lit libraries. Maybe the occasional abandoned building. He loves spending time with you, so really he's happiest whenever he’s with you; having coffee at McDonalds or a niche cafe won't change anything.

✗ he’s hard to pinpoint for pda. I feel like he’s indifferent about it. He probably prefers to keep it indoors or to just small and sweet gestures (no making out in public sorry-). It definitely comes down to your preferences, if you don't like it then he won't and vice versa.

✗ semi semi semi semi semi semi

✗ omg mr musician

✗ he definitely plays guitar - lead guitar and bass guitar.

✗ skilled fingies for sure 😗

✗ boy why are musicians so hot???? 😫😫😫💦💦

✗ he writes songs about you. Semsem has a bit of trouble saying exactly how he feels, so he writes it and sings it to you with a small little smile and eyes full of love.

✗ off topic but Semu has the best music taste in haikyuu

✗ he loves hugs so much <33 please hug and cuddle with him 24/7

✗ very affectionate, he’s always touching you someway. Loves kissing your forehead.

✗ he is jealous. Yeah definitely. He writes songs about being jealous 🗿 not that you mind of course ‘cause they're bangers. I think he might get snappy when he’s jealous, not directly at you but at the other person. He definitely gets a bit bitchy. Sometimes he acts that way to you so you've just gotta slap some sense into him. Say something like “what's your problem?” or “tell me what your problem is so i can help fix it.” ← that's probably the best thing to say.

✗ afterwards he’ll just snuggle with you until he feels better.

✗ he asks for your opinion about his songs all the time, please be honest (but also praise them if you like them lol)

✗ he takes you to niche spots he finds, like hidden concerts and stuff. Loves when you come to his gigs <3 oh and when you scream for him (in more ways than one).

✗ dates are cute and fun. Mostly walking around together → carnivals, main street, farmers market. Those kind of things.

✗ when it comes to pda he loves it. Loves being able to show the world who his s/o is. If you don't like it then he will tone it down and only do what you’re comfortable with. If you're also into pda then he will happily make out with you anywhere (you're one of THOSE couples 🤢 /j)

✗ all round best boyfie <3

✗ oikawa 😳 have i told y'all how much i love him? Oikawa is the best written character, no cap, he is so complex and real it's crazy. It's so fun to write about him because you can pick him apart, you know his flaws, his weaknesses, his nightmares but also his strengths and dreams. Anywho i'll stop ranting now but i just love writing for such a perfectly imperfect character-

✗ he puts up a cocky exterior but thats all false. He's as scared as you are, he's scared that you'll leave him like his exes because of how obsessed and focused he is on volleyball. However he is a changed man, he's learned to balance his priorities. If you ever feel like you're being sidelined please communicate with him.

✗ he values communication above all else and wants nothing more in a partner than for them to also value communication.

✗ back to the point → if you feel insecure of your relationship and that volleyball is taking too much of his attention let him know. He will change that. To an extent → he may have an important game coming up which is why he is focusing more, but he will always find time for you.

✗ he never forgets to text you good morning and good night. He also sends you wholesome memes and makes sure you're taking care of yourself - they're like reminders for him to also take care of himself.

✗ he is both jealous and insecure. Everyone who gets too close to you or spends a lot of time with you, he is jealous of. Jealous because he wishes he could spend more time with you but he knows he can't - not without jeopardising his volleyball career. He's also insecure, because he knows you could just leave him for a more fulfilling, more attentive, more balanced relationship. You know that too, I mean, of course you could leave him but no one would be as good as him. No one could match up to your beautifully flawed boyfriend.

✗ he is affectionate, very, very affectionate. He loves you so much. And because he spends so much time on volleyball, anytime with you he's touching you - memorizing every dint, every curve, everything about you so that he won't ever forget.

✗ Oikawa has trouble sleeping unless he's with you, he wants to sling to you in his sleep and be grounded and remember that he is loved and cherished and appreciated y'know?

✗ pda is not an issue for him. He doesn't care what anyone else says or thinks :P in this relationship the only opinions that matter are his and your’s. Tell him you're uncomfortable with something and he won't do it, and vice versa. But otherwise, like Semi, he won't mind having a good makeout session with you in the middle of the street ;)

352 notes · View notes

violet-knox · 3 years

Note

1 I would love to request a story for you if it´s still fine to do it, my request is a smut story with a quiet virgin female reader who is popular with opposite gender mostly because of her attractive physical appareance and for that when she confess that she have a romantic interested in him. He thinks is a lie or a joke to hurt him somehow but when she insist that her feelings are honest and she is willing to do anything.

Beauty’s Curse

Pairing: Young!Snape x Half-Veela!Reader

Summary: As Valentine’s day quickly approaches, you find yourself surrounded by more and more people asking to be yours, but you have your eye on someone else.

Warnings: (SPOILERS) Spiked drink, manipulation

Word Count: 6679

A/N: To be honest, I was a bit hesitant with this request because I knew it would be a rather big challenge. I didn’t want to write anything superficial or cliche, but I thought this would be a great opportunity to break the stereotype of “that pretty mean girl” and show that no one should be judged on their looks, even those who are considered attractive.

I took inspiration from a situation I found myself in more or less recently, so please do read the warnings before reading this even though they are crossed out unless you really don’t want spoilers.

Nearly six years had passed and the comments from your peers had never once eased. Valentine’s day had become your least favourite holiday from the never-ending line of people asking you to be their Valentine, each year worse than the last as your popularity increased. You knew it wasn’t their fault, not entirely. You were half Veela after all, something you never dare tell a soul. Rumours went around in your fourth year when you hit puberty, an invisible glow seeming to surround you as you walked down the hall, heads turning as they ogled you in amazement. ‘It was a gift’ your mother would always tell you, but you could never see it that way, especially after you’d agreed to go out with that boy a few years above you last year, finding out his charm only extended so far until his true colours showed. Since then, you’d done everything you could to contain your influence over those who yearned for you, knowing you’d never know true love if the man you ended up with only did so from his inability to resist you.

You wanted to know what love really felt like, real love not the admiration the Slytherin boys chatting you up now were showing. It irked you how they’d suddenly surrounded you like this, three of them, all taller than you, all of whom were doing their best to impress you. One spoke of his father’s status at the Ministry of Magic, offering to take you anywhere you liked on Valentine’s day. Another tried to persuade you with the offer of visiting his mother’s shop in Westminster; the most luxurious dress shop in all of London he claimed, anything you wanted his mother could have you fitted for. The last boy had the nerve to try and hand over a necklace with the most amount of diamonds you’d ever seen, saying he’d offer you anything you liked if you agreed to be his Valentine. You had to hold yourself back from rolling your eyes, the necklace barely managing to snap your attention back to them as your eyes instead wandered to the end of the hall where you saw another Slytherin sitting on the ledge of a window with his nose in a book.

You could still remember back when that was you sitting alone somewhere in the castle in your first year, everyone passing you by like you didn’t exist, your own nose shoved in the tenth book you’d been reading that week. Of course, that part never changed, you were a proud bookworm, one who’d much rather spend the evening diving into the pages of a good book than surrounded by people gawking at you. The only difference now was it was much harder to find a place where you’d be uninterrupted, but you always found a way, a small corner in this giant castle to call your own and escape the real world if not for a short moment.

“Sorry, but I can’t be any of your Valentines.” You spewed a quick apology to the Slytherin’s and pushed passed them, only to watch the boy you’d been intrigued by slam his book shut and dramatically swift away down the stairs.

He’d seen enough, the necklace turning his stomach into knots as he thought about the stupid bet they made before walking over to you, how they each thought they could buy you over with some luxury he could never afford to have. They didn’t even acknowledge his presence as they spoke, didn’t even bother to notice he’d hung back, that he stood by to watch them get rejected by the person who’d been known to reject everyone since first year. You seemed so kind and of course, it probably helped that you were a Hufflepuff, helped your ruse of being everyone’s friend, but he saw through you. He was the only one that did just as he was the only one to see through Potter. Everyone who was popular with the entire school had a dark side, he knew it, even if he hadn’t seen yours.

“Severus!” He turned around in surprise as he heard his name called out, unable to recognize the voice. His expression immediately turned sour when he realized it was you who’d run after him, calling his name to get his attention. He turned around and began walking away, one hand holding his books tightly as the other formed a tight fist. “Severus, wait!”

You were almost surprised to see someone so bluntly ignore you, shun you like you were nothing and you knew it was an act of dislike towards you, the way he looked at you making it very clear he did not want to speak with you. Yet you couldn’t help but yearn over him all the more. The only person in the entire school that seemed to see you as just another student, the only person who didn’t look at you like you’d blessed the very ground you walked on and he wouldn’t even give you a moment to speak.

“Severus,” you tried again, finally catching up to him as you placed your hand over his shoulder, Severus nearly twisting your wrist as he spun around, acting like your hand had burned the spot where you’d touched him. “I was just wondering, if you’d perhaps like to go out sometime?”

“What?” Severus rose his brow, wondering if he’d heard you correctly. It almost sounded as if you were asking him out, you, the person everyone in his life compared to perfection, the beauty of an angel, kindness comparable to no one else’s. You who’d chatted with the entire school, made friends with everyone, enemies with no one, would choose him?

“It-it doesn’t have to be a date if you don’t want it to be. But I just thought, well I thought it would be nice to have a chat with you some time,” you said, feeling the heat rise to your face as you tried to ease the tension. Severus' expression only darkened with annoyance as his suspicion of you grew.

“Did Avery put you up to this? Nott? Or Potter?” he blurted out. He couldn’t believe you thought he’d fall for such an obvious ruse. That he’d be desperate enough to accept your deceptive invitation, and when he found out who it was that plotted this interaction, he was going to make sure they never tried something like this again.

“N-no! Why would you say that?” You looked at him with shock, your heart sinking as you felt yourself nearly knock yourself over as you hit that defensive wall he had built around himself. You knew he wasn’t exactly liked by the other students, that he had a much tougher time than he deserved, but you’d never imagined him reacting like this when you finally built up the courage to ask him out.

“I’m not falling for this,” Severus shook his head as he dismissed your advancements. He turned around and resumed walking down the stairs, leaving you to your own failure though he wasn’t surprised to see you running after him.

“Severus wait!”

“Tell whoever sent you to piss off!” He brushed you off without stopping. Reaching the ground floor, he continued to walk towards the Entrance Hall without so much as glancing your way.

“Severus no one sent me, I swear,” you tried to make him see reason, to show him you were being genuine, but as he spun back around, his hair turning dramatically with him as his strands quickly settled back into place, framing the annoyed look on his face, you could tell he wasn’t willing to let his guard down for even a moment and consider your intentions to be pure.

“Really? Then why?” His words came out more as demands rather than a question, but you wouldn’t let it scare you away. You didn’t want to give up the one chance you had at a genuine relationship with someone who saw you as more than just a pretty face.

“Why what?”

“Why in Merlin’s name would you ask me out when you already have the entire school ready to put their heads on the chopping block just for a moment with you?” His tone made you wonder if he was asking the question out of curiosity for your answer or if he’d already made up his mind, that no matter what you said he wouldn’t believe you anyways. You had half a mind to walk away, telling yourself you deserved better, but this was what you wanted wasn’t it? Not to be run after, try to be bought over in some way? You wanted someone to go out with you and love you for who you were, to resist the natural attraction of your Veela DNA.

“Because you’re brilliant and love to read. Because you aren’t like everyone else. Because you make me feel normal.” You poured your heart out to Severus only to have him scoff in your face, rolling his eyes, clearly finding your words less than truthful. You’d never admit it of course, but you did, in a way, lie. You’d admired him for so long now. All you saw was his good sides, but you couldn’t bring yourself to admit such a thing. “Please, Severus, give me a chance.”

Severus stared at you a moment, surprising himself as he actually debated your plea. He wanted nothing more than to believe you, to believe someone would be interested in him in the way you claimed. But it was you. How could he believe the most wanted person in the entire school would choose the most hated? He wanted to get the truth out of you, to embarrass you when you admitted to your real intentions and perhaps that’s exactly what he should do. Perhaps he could get you to blurt out the name of the imbecile that would soon regret trying to mess with him like this.

“Fine. There’s a Hogsmeade trip this weekend. I suppose I can spare a few hours with you.” He agreed to your invitation as he made plans of his own, immediately setting off to the dungeons when you smiled and nodded. You looked almost relieved that he’d finally accepted, almost like you had some other agenda and of course, he’d find out one way or the other. He was tired of the harassment, the humiliation from everyone in this school, tainting it with their insolence and stupidity. This was his home, the one place in the entire world where he could belong, and he wouldn’t let anyone push him around any longer.

This was the last straw. He was going to make an example out of you and whoever it was pulling your strings. He’d make the entire school regret making him out as a punishing bag, a joke for everyone to laugh at. What more could he lose? His best friend had already abandoned him, his Slytherin peers eager to do the same, only ever defending him out of obligation for their own house. He had no one, nothing to care for except his own reputation. He’d come to Hogwarts wanting to make something of himself, to build himself a future better suited for a Prince than a Snape and that’s what he was going to do one way or the other.

He made his way to his dorm first, retrieving the stash of potion ingredients he hid under his bed and cross referenced what he needed from the notes he’d taken in the back of his Advanced Potion Making textbook. He had nearly everything he needed, but he knew he could get the rest from the potion’s cupboard before Potion’s class today. It would take some time to brew and he’d probably have to stay up tonight, but he knew he could finish it just in time for his ‘date’ with you.

You’d spent all week excited for the weekend. Every day you woke up with a smile until finally the day of the Hogsmeade trip arrived. You were the first to wake, preparing for the day as your nerves grew, your friends questioning why you seemed so happy all of a sudden, but you brushed them all off. You didn’t want anything to ruin this day, knowing they’d laugh if you told them you were going out with Severus. You just wanted to enjoy your date, to be left alone and show Severus there was someone in this school who would love nothing more than to spend every second of the day with him.

Naturally you’d show up early and of course you were prepared. You sat at a nearby bench with your nose in a book as you usually were when you were alone and despite the crowd that grew with every second that past, Severus had no trouble finding you, rather surprised you weren’t surrounded by people all laughing, waiting to see what would come of your plan to humiliate him today. You were reading Magical Theory, one of the most boring books he’d found in all of Hogwarts’ library, yet there you were, enticed by every word, flipping the pages like you couldn’t go another second without reading.

“H-hello,” he said, startling you as you shot your attention up from your book to him. He felt his heart racing, his nerves escalating like this was a real date. But it wasn’t, it couldn’t be. He was here for one reason and one reason only; the truth. He shouldn’t be feeling guilty for something he had yet to do, but he did. A sliver of him didn’t want to hurt you, instead hoping that this was real, that you were here because you were genuinely interested in him, but he knew better. How could someone as popular, as liked and as beautiful as you be interested in him?

“Severus, I’m glad you showed.” You gave him the widest smile he’d ever seen anyone give him as you closed your book and stood up.

“I said I would didn’t I?” Severus rose a brow at you, taken back by the enthusiasm in your tone.

“Yes, but you seemed reluctant the other day.” Truth be told, you half expected to spend the day alone in absolute despair trying to distract yourself in that book as you pretended like you weren’t hurt from being stood up. But he came and he seemed much less defensive than before.

“Shall we?” He gestured to the group of students making their way down to Hogsmeade. You nodded your head and happily joined him as you walked side by side amongst the crowd. Severus was already suspicious of you and your intentions knowing if he was alone, he would have been called ‘Snivellus’ at least once by now. He felt shielded around you, like no one could touch him and for a moment, he was relieved to feel normal for once.

“I loved your presentation in Defense last week,” you commented, hoping some light conversation would help ease the mood before you found a place to settle for the day. Severus glared at you in surprise, wondering if you were trying to butter him up or if you had actually paid attention during class unlike the rest of his useless classmates.

“Really? What did you like about it?” Severus questioned your honesty, wondering if he could catch you in a lie before your ‘date’ even started.

“I love how in-depth your research was on cursed objects and your theory of their origin was intriguing,” you said with a smile, holding back your enthusiasm in fear of scaring him away. But you couldn’t help it, you admired Severus and how brilliant he was. You felt the heat rise to your face as you thought about the first time you saw him with his nose in a book, the first time you’d ever found yourself pulled away from your own book. “I noticed you like to hang around the Defense section of the library, is it your favourite subject?”

“You’ve been spying on me?” Your question had the opposite effect that you wanted as you saw his wall rebuild itself around him thicker than before. But you’d never give up knocking and asking him to let you in, to give you a chance and show him he could trust you.

“N-no, I like to hide in the library at times and I just noticed you were a regular as well,” you said, but you could tell Severus wasn’t convinced. He could almost see the crack in your claims, trying to cover them with some made up weak lie.

“Why have I never seen you in the library?” The interrogation continued, Severus seeing his victory in his line of sight. He had you cornered and was ready to end the day now when you admitted your true intentions. A smirk began to grow on his face as he thought of the victory at the end of his fingertips. He could almost see the horrific look on the face of whoever is to blame for this day.

“Pince lets me sit on the second floor overlooking the library, it’s only meant for staff, but she noticed my inability to have a moment to myself and rescued me one day from another mob of people looking to make conversation with me.”

“That’s kind of her,” he said, gritting his teeth as you slipped away from him, freeing yourself from his near grasp. His lips stretched into a frown as his revenge faded away. The longer he spoke with you the more his hope that this was real grew. You surprised him with your lack of self-absorbent qualities and your interest in what the Hogwarts library had to offer. He never imagined having so much in common with someone with your popularity, always assuming you’d be a lot more like Potter than himself.

He looked over at you as you nodded, your smile enriching the twinkle in your eye as you gleamed at him with joy. You were so happy to speak with him, to have a casual and light conversation, to share things with him you’d never shared with anyone before. It felt good to open up a bit, to show that other side of you that stayed hidden away when you spoke to your friends or classmates. It was almost freeing, and you only hoped with time, Severus could feel the same with you.

“So, where should we go?” You asked, unsure of what his favourite places at Hogsmeade was. He didn’t seem the type to enjoy a trip to Honeydukes and you knew he didn’t have enough money for the bookstore.

“We could grab a table at The Three Broomsticks?” Severus suggested as he gestured towards the pub. You nodded your head and made your way over, opening the door and began to make your way to the first empty table you saw. You smiled when Severus pulled on your arm and pointed to the booth in the back instead. He was always such a loner, though you couldn’t help but wonder if he preferred the seclusion now because he didn’t want to be seen with you. You wouldn’t blame him for being skeptical and you were thankful he was giving you a chance, but trust was so important in a relationship and you didn’t want to start it off with an inability to trust one another.

“Go ahead, I’ll grab us some drinks.” You nodded and made your way to the booth, making yourself comfortable as Severus walked over to the bar. As you slide to the middle of the booth, you began to appreciate Severus' choice in seating, realizing how well hidden you were from everyone, not wanting your day interrupted by someone who thought Severus had kidnapped you and forced you into a date because they thought someone like you shouldn’t be out with someone like him.

Severus didn’t take long to bring you your drinks, setting them down before shuffling into the booth beside you, grabbing his drink and taking a few gulps. His nerves had finally settled in and he almost wished he’d ordered something stronger for himself. The moment of truth had nearly come and at any moment now he’d get what he came here for, but he was afraid. He feared what the truth may bring him, that if by some small chance you were being honest before, he was about to ruin a love that could have been.

“Thank you,” you said as you reached for your own drink and took a sip. “Not just for the drink, but for giving me a chance as well.”

Severus gulped down the guilt that grew in his chest. There was no going back now. He had to find out the truth, even if you seemed genuine with your feelings towards him. “I was curious to know why you’d want to go out with me.”

He dipped his toes in the water as you both continued to enjoy your drinks and as he hoped, you began to open up to him, though perhaps not in the way he would have thought. “I’ve admired you for quite some time and have been trying to build up the courage to talk to you for a while.”

You put your drink down in shock by your sudden outburst of words. You hadn’t meant to say all that, even if it was on the tip of your tongue. Furrowing your brows, you pressed your lips together, unsure of how you’d lost control so suddenly. You felt like someone was pulling your strings, like they had slapped you on the back so hard, the words just flew out of your mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say all that.”

Severus narrowed his eyes at you, doubting his own abilities and wondered how this could possibly be. He was so sure this was a trick, that you were being deceitful, put up by someone else to embarrass him, but your truth was far from what he was expecting. You were real, you were interested in him, and he’d made a terrible mistake. “S-so no one put you up to asking me out?”

“No of course not. You’re the only person I’ve ever met I felt like I could truly fall in lo-” You clapped your hands over your mouth before you could say anymore. Your eyes widened as you bit down on your tongue, muffling the words you could not believe were about to be heard by him. You looked at him in fear, feeling completely helpless. Your freewill had been stripped away from you and you found yourself unable to control what came out of your mouth. “W-what’s going on?!”

“I-I’m so sorry (Y/N). This was not how I imagined things would go,” he said, his sympathetic tone making it harder for you to stay calm as your heart pounded angrily against your chest. Every fiber in your body told you something was wrong, that you should run, but you couldn’t, you didn’t want to. You’d waited so long to be here, to be in this moment alone with Severus, you didn’t want it ruined.

“What are you talking about?” You let yourself speak just enough to ask for clarification, to give Severus the chance to explain himself, to give you the explanation you needed to stay here with him.

“I-I slipped Veritaserum into your drink. I thought I could get you to admit this was a trick. I didn’t expect this. I’m so sorry.” You looked at him with absolute horror, your heart breaking into a million pieces as his betrayal sunk in. He’d manipulated you, used you like a puppet when you’d done nothing but open yourself up to him. You’d trusted him like you’d done with no one before, and he tossed that away like it meant nothing. Your eyes swelled with tears, unable to look at him any longer. Your legs immediately swept you from your seat as you glued your mouth shut, trying to escape the prison Severus had trapped you in

“(Y/N) wait!” Severus cried after you in desperation, unable to believe how he’d messed up something he could only dream of having. You were an angel that anyone would have felt lucky to be with and he was the demon you’d chose instead. The demon who’d scared you away from love, from happiness, from a good and honest relationship. He tried to grab your wrist, but his hand failed to hold onto you as your skin, your oh so perfect skin grazed his fingertips. You ran out the door with tears dripping down your face and a hand over your mouth, leaving him deserted. His eyes followed you until you were no longer within his line of sight, running to get as far away from the monster who’d broken your trust, your faith in him.

Slumping back in his seat, he stared blankly at his hands, the hands that had spent all week brewing a potion that was meant to bring him peace, a sense of power and control over his own life, yet it brought him nothing but an empty heart and crushed aspirations. Your words rang in his ears, the kind tone you took with him, the loving look you gave him all sinking in much differently now that he knew for certain they were real. He looked up at the drink that had ruined his second chance, the chance at a happy life, a life where he no longer had to be alone and swung his arm at it in anger.

The pub fell silent as glass shattered, the drink spilling all over the floor as Severus pushed himself up and began storming out the door, ignoring the calls of the angry bartender who stood over the mess he’d made. Severus ran in the same direction he’d seen you head, but found no sight of you. He had no idea what he’d say or why he so suddenly ran after you without thinking. He just knew he had to find you. He couldn’t give up on the miracle he’d been asking for all his life, someone who truly cared for him, who liked him for who he was and could look past his flaws.

He looked around and found himself in a lost haze, unsure of what to do next. You were gone, vanished like a figment of his imagination and he was left here to wonder how he’d managed to get so lucky to have the one person the entire school was after fall for him. He looked back at the road back to Hogwarts before he found his legs suddenly jolting him forward as if his body knew exactly where to go. He couldn’t understand what was happening, how he felt like he had no control over himself. His mind was cycling as it tried to comprehend what was happening, how he could be driven on nothing but emotions, his feelings for you pushing him to run as fast as he could back to the castle and up those flights of stairs.

By the time he got to his destination, his hair was sticking to the sides of his face, his lungs gasping for air as he felt his entire body heat up. His heart pounded angrily against his chest, shouting at him to keep going, that he wasn’t done until he’d found you, but he’d never run so much in his life, never felt so unable to breath, even after the massive panic attrack he had the night after the Whomping Willow incident.

Looking around the library, he found his way to the door he knew only staff were allowed to open. His hand bolted for the doorknob, tugging on it to find it locked. Pulling out his wand, he tried to unlock it with no luck. His fists pounded on the door in frustration, he needed to get in there, he knew you were in there, he could feel it. You’d trusted him enough to tell him about this place and as much as he was aware you didn’t want to see him, he needed to see you. “(Y/N)! (Y/N)! Please open the door! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t think- I didn’t know!”

Severus hung his head low as he pressed himself to the door. This was as close to you as he knew he’d ever get again. He’d ruined any chance of a relationship with you and you were right to hide away from him. He was destructive, ruining anything he touched, anyone who spoke with him or dare come near him and perhaps that was why Potter felt the need to hex and curse him every time they saw one another. He couldn’t let it go on, he had to try and mend things, if not to at least make up for what he’d done.

“Please, at least let me undo what I’ve done. I can cure you and if you don’t want to hear what I have to say then I’ll leave. But please let me fix this.” Severus shut his eyes, tears threatening to fall as his forehead met the door. He stood there in silence, wondering if he’d hurt you so bad you’d abandoned the one place you felt safe in this school, if he’d done to you what Potter had to him. He’d become what he hated and was about ready to retreat to his dorm when he heard the doorknob turning, the door slowly opening as he took a step back, his eyes wide as he wiped away the tears that rolled down his cheeks.

Your eyes met his and you felt your disappointment melt into anger. Your jaw hardened as you locked your teeth together, doing everything you could to keep from speaking another word to Severus. You watched him snap out of your gaze and begin to fumble with his robes, pulling out a small stone and presenting it to you. You stared down at it confused, wondering what kind of apology this was meant to be.

“It’s a bezoar. I know it’s not the most comfortable solution, but it’s all I have,” Severus offered it to you, hoping you’d take it, that he could try and regain your trust once again. He held out hope as he watched your posture relax the slightest bit, your hand hesitantly reaching for the stone. He wouldn’t dare speak a word or move a muscle until you indicated what it was you wished of him next. From this moment forward, he would do nothing you didn’t ask for, say nothing you didn’t demand.

Tossing the stone into your mouth, you swallowed hard and groaned at the feeling of its rough texture travelling down your throat. You heaved for air, but for the first time since you ran out of The Three Broomsticks, you found yourself able to relax your jaw, your fear of spilling your guts disappearing. Straightening your back, you looked at Severus who seemed unable to move or breath, waiting for your command to do so as his wide eyes stared desperately into yours. You’d never felt so conflicted, your feelings for him clouding your instinct to slap him for what he’d done to you. You never felt so humiliated, so used in your life. Severus had gone from the person who’d treated you like a normal human being to the one person in your life who’d hurt you worse than you ever thought you could be hurt. But you still couldn’t find it in you to shove him away and lock him out of your life. So instead, you closed the door behind you and stood your ground with your arms crossed, waiting for Severus to explain himself.

“I-I’m so sorry.” He nearly choked on his words as they came out when he saw the look on your face, the frown you wore. No word would ever be large enough to truly depict how he felt right now and as much as he wanted to say more, all he could do was apologize.

“You already said that,” you mumbled in a whisper, speaking against your own trauma from the truth serum that Severus had given you. He looked so sincere, so desperate for your forgiveness. You’d never seen him like this before, clawing at someone else for something only they could give. He’d always been such a strong person even if others would disagree. He wasn’t presumptuous as he was proud of himself and his achievements, but the person who stood before you now had no pride left to show. He had nothing but regret and torment in his eyes.

“And I can never say it enough. I should never have put that potion in your drink and I wish I could take it back. I didn’t think you were being genuine. I was so sure you were lying to me.” He spoke honestly, hoping you’d have faith he was being truthful with every word he spoke, that you could at least put the trust in him he failed to put in you.

“Why?” You couldn’t let go of the sheer stupidity of what he’d done. His reasoning didn’t make the slightest bit of sense to you, and if you could understand why he did it, maybe you could begin to forgive him.

“Why? Because you’re you and I’m me and why would I ever believe you of all people would be interested in me?” Severus went on as if the question was an absurd one to ask, the answer so obvious, even a house elf could see it. He wondered how you couldn’t see his hesitation, why you’d ever think he’d simply accept the fact you were interested in him.

“Because I said that I did!” you said bluntly, rather offended he questioned your intentions at all. Never had anyone second guessed you to this extreme before and you didn’t appreciate it in the slightest.

“I know, I just-”

“Didn’t trust my word?” You looked completely heart broken, more so then when you realized he’d slipped truth serum into your drink. He could see trust was something you cherished between those you let close to you and he’d completely ruined his chance at gaining it from you.

“No, I didn’t. I couldn’t. Not after the way the school decided to brand me all those years ago.” Severus had no hope of convincing you what he did was justifiable because even he knew it wasn’t. All he could hope for was for you to understand his hesitation, to understand why he had to do something when you approached him to see if you were genuine in your intentions.

“I’ve never treated you that way,” you retorted.

“I know. I’m sorry and I’ll understand if you’ll never want to speak with me again.” He put the ball in your court, completely at your mercy. Whatever it was you decided to do, he would respect it, but every inch of him begged you to give him another chance, to let him have a proper opportunity to have someone in his life that would care for him, to have a happy ending. But as Severus stared into your blank eyes, he could tell he hadn’t swayed you in any way. It was his fault and as he had nothing more to say, all he could do was turn around to walk away from everything that could have been.

“That’s it?” Severus stopped as you called after him, turning around in surprise as he stared at you blankly.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’re just going to walk away? You’re not going to try and fight? For-for this?” You gestured between yourselves with a sliver of hope in your eyes. You knew you shouldn’t have expected much from him, but a part of you hoped he’d be a little more resilient to giving up on you, especially after all that time you’d spent admiring him from afar.

“I-I didn’t think there was anything to fight for,” he said truthfully, looking at you with wide eyes as he walked back to you. He stared at you intently, trying to read you, to figure you out with all these mysteries surrounding you. How could someone so beautiful fall for him, want to be with him enough you’d be willing to give him a chance at redemption when his own best friend wouldn’t give him such a thing?

You took a step forward, wanting so badly to have all those talks with him you’d dreamed of having, to enjoy spending time with him if not to simply read together and find comfort in each other's company. You wanted to go back and give him a chance to redo the evening, to have it end much differently than yours and if it were anyone else, you would never have given him the chance to explain himself. But it wasn’t someone else, it was him. It was the one person in this whole world who you thought could break your curse, who seemed immune to it.

“Severus, why don’t you treat me like everyone else in this school?”

Severus stood in silence a moment as he thought back to how easily everyone worshipped the ground you walked on, how you always seemed to have a trail of people behind you, admiring you for no reason other than your looks. His thoughts wandered to Lily and how Potter seemed just as enchanted with her as the rest of the school did to you, how he’d only become intrigued with Lily after finding out she was a kind witch who lived in Cokeworth.

“I just-I suppose I just never thought of you in that way because I didn’t know you, and I never thought you’d be interested in knowing me.” Severus tried to be as honest as he could, watching you with hope. He held onto the fact you hadn’t run away, that you’d given him the chance to speak, to hear him and understand him. You were so kind, nothing like he would have ever imagined and he knew if he was ever so lucky as to get a second chance with you, he would never take it for granted again.

“Well, I am,” you said with a smile. You’d always been rather talented at reading people after the absurdity you’d seen from others, and Severus had truly wanted to make amends. You prayed your faith in him wasn’t misplaced, that he meant every word he said and that he saw what you saw. “If you are.”

“I am.” The words flew out of his mouth faster than he could process. He jumped at the chance you offered, beyond excited for the happy life he saw ahead of him. “Would you perhaps like to try again?”

You nodded your head eagerly, excited for your do-over date. You almost wanted to forget what had happened today, to approach things with him from a fresh perspective. “Valentine’s day is coming up. Would you care to share a cup of tea with me at Madam Puddifoot’s tea shop?”

“Really?” Severus couldn’t believe how kind hearted you were, how willing you were to see the good in others and how tremendously lucky he was to have found you, or more accurately, have you find him.

“So long as I’m buying this time,” you nodded with a laugh, eliciting a smile from Severus as you began making your way out of the library. You smiled as you finally got to see the real him, the person you grew infatuated with, the boy who you saw hope for love with. For the first time in your life, you felt content, excited for the spark you felt growing inside your heart. You could experience love for the first time in your life, real, pure love and you couldn’t wait to see what more it had in store for you.

#Severus Snape #Severus x reader #Severus Snape x reader #Snape x reader #young Severus Snape #young Snape x reader #my fanfic #my writing #pro Snape #snapedom

409 notes · View notes

maximoff-pan · 3 years

Text

l’amore de ma vie | fred weasley

Summary: When Fred invites you to Bill and Fleur’s wedding, your feelings for your best friend are stronger than ever before. What happens when you realize just how much you love him?

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: Fluff...i-is that a warning?? Anyway buckle up for some sickly sweet goodness....

A/n: I know, I’m terrible. It’s been a little while longer than I’d intended but I hope this makes up for it! Feedback is very very much appreciated! I love seeing what all of you think of my writing! Without further rambling from me....enjoy!

Sidenote: This is a total AU. It completely deviates from canon, as Bill and Fleur’s wedding goes smoothly in this version. No violence here haha...only happiness! (I guess what I’m trying to say is, in no way shape or form is this an accurate recollection of the books, this is purely from my imagination...)

• • • • •

“Fucking weddings...” you mutter as you walk through the massive white tent that adorns the front lawn of the Weasley residence. Everything is perfectly displayed, tables meticulously set, with delicate flowers littering the venue.

The romance of it all makes you want to throw yourself into Bill and Fleur’s masterfully crafted, six-tier cake. And watching as Molly rushes in and out swiftly with the brightest smile on her face, it all reminds you of how you should be getting ready right now. But you just can’t stomach that.

It’s not that you’re not happy for Bill....you’re ecstatic and you absolutely adore him. He’s been a role model for you almost your entire life. And it’s not like you’re not an absolute romantic, because you are...but weddings always make things complicated. They manage to dig up feelings that you’d rather not confront.

Feelings for a certain Weasley twin...

That’s why when he (said twin) and George invited you to the wedding, you were reluctant to say yes. It’s hard to pin point exactly when you felt your friendship with Fred (at least on your end), morph into something more, but you’ve managed to keep your feelings for him locked away for the better part of four years. And as far as you’re aware, the only person that’s truly caught on is Hermione...because you’re convinced at this point that she just knows damn well everything.

“Something on your mind?” A voice startles you, bringing your attention back to the bustling world surrounding you.

Turning around slowly, you’re greeted with Bill’s towering figure. You huff out a quick, teasing laugh. “You know, it’s not nice to interrupt a lady’s thoughts.”

“Forgive me,” he chimes with a chuckle of his own.

Bill knows your humour, and he knows you well enough to recognize when you’re using it as a defence mechanism.

“It just looks like you’re about ready to make a run for it,” he continues, “and I wanted to make sure my favourite guest doesn’t ditch me on my wedding day.”

“You know I would never ditch you.”

Bill sends you a look, clearly not impressed by your jokes. You can tell he knows something’s wrong, but you don’t want to be the first one to bring it up.

“I’m fine.” You reassure with a soft smile. “I promise.”

He only nods at you, and he’s not quite sure if he’s convinced, but he’s confident things will work out in the end. “You know, I best be getting ready.” He grins wide. You reciprocate his grin with an additional giggle.

“You best be. Or else Fleur might divorce you on the spot.”

“Wouldn’t that be a shame.” Bill shifts his weight from foot to foot. “I’d have the record for the shortest marriage in wizarding history! Mum would have an absolute shit fit.”

You both burst into a fit of laughter, before you’re nudging him out of the tent and towards his home.

There’s a comfortable pause of silence as Bill thinks to himself. He can see it in your eyes exactly what you’re thinking about. Having been around you for years and Fred even longer, and watching the two of you grow up together, he knows what’s troubling you. Bill Weasley is not a stupid man, and he knows love when he sees it. Better yet, he knows the fear of losing that love that runs rampant in your mind. If Bill has learned anything in his years on this earth, it’s that love allows for the greatest of happiness but it also allows for the greatest manifestation of fear. Unrequited love can be more painful than the relief of returned feelings, but Bill Weasley knows you both well enough to know that these feelings you and his brother share, they’re anything but unrequited.

“I should probably be getting ready too.” You break the silence and remind yourself of the upcoming event as you step through the front door of the Burrow.

You both turn to each other, acknowledging your parting of ways. You hear Arthur shouting for his oldest son from above. “I guess that’s my cue.” Bill simply nods in the direction of the staircase, taking a step towards it. You stand still, just watching him for a moment.

He leans his head over his shoulder for a brief second, already a few steps up the winding stairs. “Oh and (Y/n),” he breathes, “my brother may be an oblivious twat, but to give him some credit, I see the way he looks at you, and I’d be blind to say he isn’t in love with you too.”

In love with you too....

And as soon he’s said it, the cheeky bastard’s disappeared up the stairs, leaving you dumbfounded and completely still.

Fucking hell. Your mind wanders, his words at the forefront....so apparently Bill knows and surely if Bill knows, George must too. Are your feelings for Fred that obvious?

• • • • •

You step through the doorway to Fred and George’s room hoping to find a certain twin. You spot him sitting cross legged on his bed, fiddling with a prototype for the shop that you’re sure you’ve seen him working on before. His ginger hair is messily in his face, his tongue sticking out in concentration. He’s the picture of a working artist....pranking materials being his art. You heave a sigh. Like you, he’s nowhere near ready for the wedding that is going to take place in a few hours.

“Do you know?” His head whips up at the sound of your voice. It’s such a vague question, one in which a normal person would question what it itself is in relation to, but George knows exactly what you’re getting at. But maybe he’ll screw with you a little first....

“I know lots of things love. You’re going to have to be more specific.”

A groan passes your lips. Maybe he doesn’t know....but the way his lips are turned upward, the smirk that seems to be growing on his face tells you otherwise. You’re not blind; you know the games George Weasley likes to play.

“Don’t be coy asshole.” You send him a look that says ‘try me.’ “I know you know. My question is, why haven’t you told me that you know?”

“I haven’t a clue what you mean.” He continues testing the waters of your frustration, seeing just how far he can go before you snap.

“Oh fuck me!” You exclaim, hands thrown up in the air. You point at him, eyes narrowing in his direction. “You’re a prick George.”

His grin only widens. “I’m pretty sure you’ve got the wrong twin (Y/n). Last time I checked, Freddie’s the one you want to fuck.” He says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

And....Bingo. There it is. The exact confirmation you wanted and feared.

You recoil, eyes widening at him. Your voice goes soft, serious. “Why didn’t you tell me that you knew?”

His warm eyes meet yours, a calmness to them that is surprisingly reassuring. “I’ve made a living out of not taking things seriously and meddling in other people’s lives (Y/n), but what you and Fred have, I won’t meddle in that.” He pauses for a moment, his voice softening. “It’s not my business to push you two together. You’ll realize it at your own pace.”

“Realize what at your own pace?” Fred leans his body against the doorframe. He’s dressed in a suit, his hair done up nicely, and unlike his twin, he looks entirely put together. The irony almost makes you laugh. You’ve always known George to be the prepared one, ready hours before he needed to be. And Fred a scambler, leaving everything to the last second, to be fashionably late was his life motto.

“Just how stupid the two of you are going to look all dressed up with no dates.” George answers for you, keeping the true nature of your conversation a secret. “Even Ginny’s managed to catch the chosen one.”

You huff out a laugh. “You’re an idiot.”

“Ah,” George muses. “But I am an idiot with a date.”

Fred grins at the two of you and your banter. “Angelina’s better off without you as her date.” He jokes.

A laugh passes your throat, Fred joining in with you. “Oh, sod off!” George pipes before shoving the two of you out to get ready.

• • • • •

Hours later you find yourself ready on time, a shocking revelation to you and each of the Weasley’s. And George is too. He sits beside you grinning like a mad man. Fred is on your other side, smiling all the same.

The ceremony is wonderful and quaint. You knew the moment you saw Fleur all those years ago, just how beautiful she was, but you never could have imagined just how much you’d grow to think of her like a sister. And it’s funny because you’re neither a Delacour nor a Weasley, and yet you feel like you belong. It’s different from the love you know Harry and Hermione feel for the Weasley’s, because ultimately, they’ll both marry in and it will be official, and as much as you love Fred, you know that will likely never be the case for you. But that’s the thing you love most about Molly and Arthur and their children: you don’t have to be related by marriage or blood to be a Weasley.

And seeing Fleur and Bill smile, seeing the pure happiness that they exude in this moment, it makes you forget why you ever questioned coming. It makes you hope that one day you can find what they have. You’d spent the last few minutes mesmerized by their first dance as a married couple. You’re so caught in a trance that you don’t hear the clapping when they’ve finished and stepped off the dance floor.

Your eyes snap up at the clearing of a throat beside you. George nudges you and you turn to look at him. He points at Fred who’s gazing at you curiously. You must have looked like a daft idiot, an utter love struck expression on your face.

“I’m sorry.” You laugh. “Did you say something Freddie?”

“Dance with me?” He asks.

Fred’s question lingers as you contemplate whether or not to accept his outstretched arm. But then your eyes drift up to his, and you catch the mischievous glint that rests in them. It’s in that moment that you know there is no turning back.

Groaning, you relent into his touch. “One dance.” You say, but you know that if he asked, you’d dance the night away.

The grin that spreads onto his face is nothing short of beautiful. It’s unmistakably perfect the way the light catches his features, his ginger hair glowing in the overcast moonlight, and an ethereal aura glistens from his skin. Fred looks youthful...and he looks undeniably happy.

Gripping your hand, he leads you to the dance floor. You catch a brief glimpse of Bill whose lips are tugged into an encouraging smile. Fred snaps your attention back to him as he pulls you into his body, bringing your arms to rest around his shoulders. You can hear the faint thrumming of the slow and melodic music drifting towards you, but all you register is the sound of Fred’s heart beating against yours. Wrapping yourself in his embrace, you allow yourself one second to believe that he might feel the same.

Your feet move in sync almost flawlessly, and it’s as if you’re reading each other’s movements without any effort. (Despite being known for your clumsy nature). But if you’re being honest, it’s always been like that with Fred....easy that is. Easy to read each other, easy to be with each other. It’s just natural.

“You’re quite graceful Freddie.” You nudge him playfully, breaking the silence between you.

“And you’re quite...” his voice drifts softly, “something.”

The half scoff, half laugh you let out rings in his ears. “Are you implying that I’m not a good dancing partner?”

“You’re a formidable partner love, just a shit dancer.”

Your eyes light up in amusement. “Well we can’t all be as graceful and beautiful as you Fred Weasley.”

He plays along happily. “No.” He agrees. “I guess we can’t. But I reckon everything else about you, your beauty, your wit, your affinity for kindness, makes up for your lack of dancing skills.”

It’s that self assured attitude that draws you to him. Yet he’s not the slightest bit arrogant. He simply believes in himself, knows his strengths and his weaknesses, is completely aware of his self worth, and he won’t let anyone tell him otherwise. It’s addicting to be around, and a quality so desperately you wish you could find in yourself.

And when Fred compliments you, you can believe that he’s telling you the truth. He makes you believe things about yourself that you would never dream to think about on your own. As cheesy as it sounds, he makes you feel seen. He makes you feel special. And it’s so strange because for as long as you can remember, everyone has always thought of you as merely the best friend of the infamous Weasley twins. Hardly to anyone had you been your own person with your own identity. But Fred never made you feel like that. You’ve always been someone to him, not just a product of who you chose to be friends with.

“You shouldn’t say things like that you know.” Your voice goes quiet.

Fred notices the change in your body language as you begin to close yourself off from him. “Why not?” He asks. “It’s the truth isn’t it?”

Your eyes catch his and your breath hitches. This feels like something. It feels like a moment, the moment that you’ve been waiting for. You never believed Fred could ever feel the same for you, but the look he’s giving you feels so so real.

“Fred, do you-“ You start, but he cuts in for you.

“Feel it too?” He finishes.

“Yeah.”

“I do.” He replies.

Your heart races in your chest as he pulls you closer into his embrace. This confession of feelings is nearly wordless, and yet it feels perfect. You’ve never needed to say a lot to Fred for him to understand you.

You’ve always just had that kind of connection.

You barely notice that you’re still dancing, your bodies moving on autopilot. And the people around you fade to nothing. Your focus is solely on the man who holds your heart in his hands.

Your movements slow as Fred tilts your chin towards his face. “I’ve been in love with you since we were 11 years old.” He says. It’s nearly impossible for your mind to process it. “I’ve known for so long, I just didn’t want to ruin what we have. But I reckon if there’s ever a time to do it, now seems pretty good.”

A gentle smile rests on your face, your heart warm at his words. “Now is perfect.”

Fred hums softly, his warm brown eyes searching yours for any sign of regret. He sees nothing but adoration staring right back at him.

“Can I kiss you?” This is the first time you’ve seen Fred so timid.

You smile coyly, nodding your head. “Such a gentleman.” You tease, pulling him gently towards you. Your lips meet so softly and briefly that you almost miss it.

But no matter how brief, it’s a feeling you’ll never forget. You both want more of each other, but you also know that standing in front of Fred’s immediate and extended family and friends, you can’t simply put on a show for the world to see, as much as he wants to.

You pull back for a moment only to find yourself wrapped in each other’s arms, swaying to the music. Most people in your situation would say something. Maybe they’d profess their love, or whisper sweet nothings into their lover’s ear, but right here, right now, words don’t need to be used.

You don’t need to say I love you to feel that you are loved. And you know Fred feels the same.

• • • • •

Off to the side, Bill takes a moment to part from his wife, approaching his younger brother with a shit eating grin.

“Bloody hell.” George runs a hand through his hair, spotting Bill striding towards him.

Their eyes lock for a moment and George notices his oldest brother’s lip quirk upward. “You owe me 20 galleons.” Bill states matter-of-factly.

George grumbles, reaching into his pocket to pull out the payment. Handing it to Bill, he smiles. “Get back to your wife you tosser.”

Bill nods, taking a step towards Fleur. He turns to face his brother, eyes glinting with mischief. “Just know, when they get married, I’m telling everyone I won.”

///////////////////

Taglist:

@amourtentiaa

#fred weasley x reader #fred weasley x you #fred weasley imagine #harry potter x reader #harry potter imagine #harry potter imagines #fred weasley imagines #fred weasley x y/n

474 notes · View notes