#( is this entirely self indulgent ?? yes ) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovegrowsart · 3 months

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it's pretty wild to me that people don't see that aang running off to save katara in CoD is his luke in empire strikes back moment, where he runs headlong into his want and attachment and he's narratively punished for doing so and not learning his lesson - aang runs after katara despite guru pathik's warning, like luke runs after leia and han from yoda on dagobah despite yoda's warning; similarly, as a result, things go to hell in ba sing se like they do on bespin - aang enters the avatar state before he's ready and gets killed, and ba sing se falls to the fire nation, luke fights vader before he's ready, loses a hand, and symbolically commits suicide after vader tells him he's luke's father.

the difference between their character arcs is that george lucas and co. actually went thru with luke's hero's journey and understood the fundamental difference between attachment and love, whereas I don't think bryke understood this difference and then dropped this from aang's arc pretty much completely and replaced it with aang digging in his heels into his want and attachment and he gets rewarded with energy bending from a lion turtle, the avatar state from a random pointy rock, and his forever girl from the self-indulgent white men that couldn't bring themselves to give their hero a compelling character arc that meant he might not have gotten everything he wanted at the end.

#the wasted potential of aang's arc gets to me so bad #the narrative and thematic set up is entirely there and they just shove it in the bin lmao #it especially irks as someone raised buddhist and dealing with writers that invoke these themes out of a fascination #with the religion and philosophy but then a complete unwillingess to actually commit to what those themes require of the character arcs #anyway sorry to say it #but zuko's arc does a better job embodying buddhist themes than aang's does in the end #despite all misappropriated aesthetics to the contrary #aang critical #but its really the writing like i LIKE aang i love his potential i hate how self indulgently he's written by the end of the show #atla critical #meta*#holly talks bs #also yes it would've been better narratively for aang katara zuko to the go the way of luke leia han #even if katara couldn't have been revealed as aang's surprise secret twin lmao #the thematic conceit of the triangle is the same in that luke and aang get over their infatuation with the first pretty girl he sees #and becomes the hero he needs to be #meanwhile hanleia and zutara are saving each other and being cool and kissing #anyway

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ebysse · 1 year

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after work..

#IT WAS MEANT TO BE A SKETCH but 4hr later……#this entire thing is an excuse to draw them leather shoes. straight up. hope you enjoy them as much as i #very self indulgent aha #yes he is just a little bit yassified #mine #severus snape #snape #hp fanart #still playing around w lineart and colouring styles……good practice tho TT

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obsessed-with-timeloops · 1 month

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The Magnus Archives spoilers but I keep thinking about Jon and Martin landing in the ISAT universe when the fears arrive but like. Right after post loops. So it ends up like:

1) They save these two weirdly accented guys (where one of them clearly has been stabbed holy shit) only to possibly be immediately told that they just got a bunch of evil gods in their world (oops)

2) Jon's eyes absolutely have color when Knowing things or using Eye powers in general.

3) The loops 100% count as a statement and Jon is purposely trying not to be alone with Siffrin so he doesn't munch on their trauma

4) Triple ace solidarity ruined by the knowledge their world is doomed to be plagued by fear gods U.U

5) Martin: "Jon did the fears turn this world black and white" Bonnie:"what's black and white?" Martin: "what" Bonnie: "what" Isabeau: "No but seriously what's black and white." Odile: "I think they're implying that colors exist in their world." Jon: "I see. Colors are apparently unnatural to this world." Martin: "Like that one Lovecraft story?" Jon: "what". Martin: "You know colors beyond our comprehension and what not?" Jon: "I- I suppose??" Bonnie: "Hey! Could this Lovecraft guy be from our world?" Mirabelle: "Wait no. These two just arrived here??? Unless time messed up too???" Jon: "Trust me you do not want to claim him."

6.a) Jon looks at least 10 years if not older than he actually is. He also probably can get along better with Odile anyway. Plus with different universes as backgrounds, the lack of general knowledge around his age wouldn't be obvious. Cue the moment where Jon is asked how old he is and the absolute AWKWARD silence when it's clear that both Jon and Martin are basically Siffrin's age, give or take a few years.

6.b) Bonnie: "Is 30 years old different in your universe? Are you about to die?" Jon: "From embarrassment, perhaps."

7) General discussion/argument/existential dread regarding the Fears and how they interact with this world. Honestly the gang may never forgive Martin and Jon for doing this to them. Even if they do everything they can to help them. They get more sympathy once they find out about the Eyepocalypse and the absolute hell Jon in particular went through. Doesn't mean they have to like it.

8) Siffrin finding out about Jon's knowing powers and asking him if he can Know the name of the island in the North. Jon tries. Then he starts screaming. His eyes are red. Siffrin doesn't ask again.

9.a) The horror and dread knowing that not only is their mission not done. It can't be ever again. And this time, especially if Jon and Martin's story is true... well, the King wasn't easy, but at least he was a person. You can't exactly fight a distorted universe. Their happily ever destroyed forever.

9.b) I could see a physical confrontation happening... if Jon didn't look so absolutely devastated. If he didn't say "do what you will with me, but please leave Martin alone" and Martin yelling at him for being a self-sacrifical idiot. It just sucks so much all around. But it would have been easier if Jon and Martin were bad people. But they're not. Just... broken people doing their best in a broken world. And to do their best to save their own world, the family has to work with them.

9.c) Jon and Siffrin are also idiots with martyr complexes that refuse to talk about their feelings solidarity. Shame that Jon can't help but want to eat Siffrin's trauma cause they probably have a lot to talk about.

10) Funnier note, the slow realization that Jon and Martin in an rpg world. Martin figures it out first and Jon is just. Flabbergasted. Especially when they find out the magic system is rock paper scissors.

11) "rock paper scissors transcends the multi-verse. Neat!" (Later Martin asks Jon if gun is secretly a fourth hand symbol. He does not know and will not Know. He refuses).

12) I think at one point they're gonna have to deal with the fact that statements don't exist in this world. Either Jon gets too close to taking Siffrin's statement or he's going to tell Martin the facts: there is very little way Jon can survive without being a predator. He is an avatar that needs something to fuel his existence. He doesn't want to hurt anyone else ever again. Unless Siffrin wants to write their statement down or someone else does... even then there's no guarantee it's going to be enough.

13) Perhaps wish-craft can save Jon. Maybe. Maybe not. But. The party tells them about wish-craft anyway. It's the one hope they have to fight against this new horror. Maybe it can help Jon too to get out. (Everyone deserves that chance).

I have no fic with this, my fixations are simply crossing over briefly. Hope you enjoyed the ramblings.

#tma #tma spoilers #isat #isat spoilers #this is entirely self indulgent dont mind me #yes there is an implication that Jon and Martin lost their colors in the transition between worlds #in stars and time

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bradshawsbaby · 8 months

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Bradley Bradshaw is the Teacher Husband™️ who runs errands for you, picks you up from work, and absolutely spoils you rotten, and you cannot convince me otherwise 🍎

#yes this is entirely self-indulgent #bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster mood board #bradshawsbaby mood board #miles teller

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easy-revenge · 2 years

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the way mello would walk into matt's shithole of an apartment at 2am after his dealings with halle or sth to find matt shirtless over the bathroom sink, half burned cigarette hanging from his mouth as he inexplicably shaves his face at this hour while playing the most obnoxious music ever and honestly good for them both

#thought inspired by my infj roommate who was doing exactly that when i walked past the bathroom at 2am #very gender i have to say #yes i love creating a personality for matt in my head and yes it is entirely self indulgent #death note #death note manga #death note matt #mail jeevas #mello #death note mello #mihael keehl #mello x matt #matt x mello #death note headcanons #mellodramattic

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skullsandcorals · 1 year

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(click for better quality if you're on the mobile app. don't repost.)

😳📸

#I just wanted to draw something very very very self-indulgent after literally everything 💀#also did not feel like rendering so. there's that I guess.#augh I have some catching up to do #anyway have this 🤲✨#and yes I did shove Percy's entire hand into those pom-poms because I didn't feel like drawing them #pjo/hoo #percy jackson #fanart #percy jackson fanart #my art 💙#percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #god I forgot how to tag #pjo fanart #are people gonna haze me for this lmfaooo #my target audience is me and my friends specifically 🥂✨

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dracocheesecake · 1 month

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Kai named his second son Tian Sha- "Ferocious Spirit from Heaven"- because he and his wife played a game of Xiangqi over who would name the baby and he won.

"You know he's a calf and not an action figure, right?"

"Well, one day he'll be a bull who needs to strike fear into his enemies: that's the perfect name to do it."

"...You just wanted an excuse to use that name."

"OOGWAY WOULDN'T LET ME NAME OUR ARMY THAT, IT'S A COOL NAME I'M USING IT NOW."

#kung fu panda #general kai #kfp oc #kfp au #master oogway #daddy!kai au #au where they never got ambushed and their friendship didn't get destroyed #kfp 3 #entirely self indulgent au #yes also this is a reference to what Kai was originally going to be named

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divinekangaroo · 2 months

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a home painted bright with blood and thorns - Ch 1/5 - pettiot - Peaky Blinders (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

After the S4-S6 election/marriage, pre-S5. Some months into Tommy and Lizzie's marriage.

This frequently absent father and husband considers that he often does his best work in extreme circumstances: time pressure, resource constraints, situational uncertainty, high stakes, and gross emotional wounding. He knows what to do, doesn't he?

No matter what sort of internal spiralling disaster cascade he's busily ignoring inside. No matter what badly considered spur of the moment decisions he makes to get through the moment that he might pay for later. No matter what—

Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark, Charles Shelby, Ruby Shelby, Frances, Various Shelby Household Maids, Charles Strong, Cyril the Dog | Domesticity, Intimacy Menstruation, Bodily Fluids, Bodily Solids, Bodily Functions, Babies, Lactation, Mental Health Issues, Repression, Abusive Families (Past), Attempts at Communicating, Trying Hard, Family Trauma, Family Feels, Nail-Biting, Household Dynamics, Absent Father, Avoidance, Deflection, Trying Sooooooooooo Hard, Distress, Comfort Sex, Dysfunctional Family

#My writing #peaky blinders #peaky blinders fic #Tommy x Lizzie #Charles Shelby #Ruby Shelby #This is the one I hand wrote as a test case; so yes it is finished just going thru the process of typing it up for posting #It’s also more self indulgent than anything else in my entire arc and all about Lizzie despite Tommy quietly hiding his disaster breakdown #Lizzie headcanon backstory #It is a funny one to do from Tommy’s pov but really wanted to turn the camera around #write about Tommy so much from other people’s POV so why not do that for Lizzie; albeit he is actually realllly difficult to get to see-#-past his own cage/trauma thought loop which constantly feeds on itself

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goodmorninglovelies42 · 8 months

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Inspired by inlovewithnight’s stalker fic, I started a bullet journal last month and I’m devoting one page to fic ideas that maybe I’ll actually write one day 🤞

#jamie tartt #roy kent #royjamie #keeley jones #roy x keeley x jamie #fic ideas #bullet journal #yes some of these are entirely self indulgent projection #I’m okay with that

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umbratheshadowfamiliar · 5 months

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One thing I find incredibly interesting about ZSakuVA and his series 'The Nobel Trials' is actually the character of the listener.

And I know you all are thinking:

"Umbra... It is a self insert listener..."

But just hear me out.

Zaros, as a very far leftist, embodies most of the beliefs that I hold true in my day to day existence. About opening everything to the public and providing better education, healthcare, food ect to all.

But the thing is we aren't Zaros we are essentially elon musk's kid. Granted the listener's mother does seem very kind but that kind of wealth and the established listener's character makes them seem unnaturally callous. Which quite frankly they are.

But that's no fun to me.

So instead I have been coming up with the most petty and slightly devil's advocate counterarguments to every single claim that Zaros is making about this listener. Also as well as considering why the listener acts the way they do. I plan on making this in a list because I find this so entertaining. It will probably be called something like #Zaros' listener's character study.

This post I'm mainly use as a PSA to say that this is merely a character analysis. Zaros, while he does have his flaws, I objectivly agree with politically so far in the series (Ep 2). This is all a bit of banter and I hope you all can enjoy as much as I do!

Umbra 🕯

#I used to get called a communist in high school for obvious reasons...#But whenever I get insulted by an asmr character I am forced by theatre kid law to 'yes and...' him #i am super excited #and like tell me what you all think too!#Zaros' Listener's Character Study #asmr #asmr roleplay #zsakuva #zsaku #The Nobel Trials #Zaros #This is entirely about stuff the listener actually did or the beliefs the hold #if their ma hasn't fixed it and Zaros brings it up as a gotcha I'm #not taking it #audio roleplay #this is so self indulgent #Finally I am not literally the devil. if Zaros says something obviously right... like people deserve food. i'm not gonna be arguing.

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 1 year

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Can't explain how funny an Odasaku and Adam duo would be. I know it doesn't work in canon but I think people who haven't gone through the narration in both Dark Era and Day I Picked Up Dazai understand how objectively hilarious Oda is without even trying to be. Add that to Adam's general weirdness and you have, I think, the set-up for an entire buddy cop movie, except it's an android who eats gum and thinks pretending to be a pigeon and telling android jokes are good ways of interacting with people (he's right actually) and a mafia member who refuses to kill and responds to events that would have any sane person quitting their job and moving out of the city like it's a passing breeze.

Imagine them working together. Imagine them investigating. They both think the other is entirely normal and connect over having to look out for their respective self-destructive teenagers they bonded with.

Said self-destructive teenagers are watching them from a distance, baffled and horrified, because neither of them is responding to anything in a remotely normal way.

And if they had the slightest bit more self-awareness, they would know that is literally exactly how everyone else, including the two men they are currently judging, feels about the two of them when they interact in any capacity.

#anxious to post this since it is so entirely self-indulgent but yeah #woe. my 3 am thoughts be upon ye #i absolutely love that it is canon that dazai of all people thinks odasaku is really weird #oda: calmly talking about how his job as a postman is pretty boring then following up by saying their warehouse got bombed #and he found a baby in a parcel #dazai: 🙂???#and like a good chunk of stormbringer is just chuuya going ???? at anything adam does #i simply think they should hang out. out-weird them. you know?#bsd #bsd odasaku #bsd adam #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #ok so realistically i know skk are more outwardly weird than either of these two #but i still think it's funny #storyrambles

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hyesims · 19 days

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women in suits! women in suits! women in suits! women i

✧₊˚. all thanks to these wonderful cc creators: @pralinesims @twisted-cat @magic-bot @simstrouble @aladdin-the-simmer @daylifesims @seoulsoul-sims @kamiiri @greenllamas @rimings @gorillax3-cc

#yes this is entirely self-indulgent why do you ask #my sims #the sims 4 #simblr #the sims community #ts4 #ts4 simblr #s4 lookbook #sims4 lookbook #ts4 lookbook

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cowboyskeletons · 9 days

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thinking about my au where after the trial the dads are actually just transported into another universe where jodie was transplanted and they replaced their alt-universe selves.

so there are small details that the kids notice (except for nicholas) that are kinda... off, but it's not big enough of a shift to notice until reminiscing about childhood memories and like it doesn't matter (it does matter but that's only half of the story)

point is that without them, their home universe kinda crumbles, as the narrative is about Them and why even exist if there's no purpose? so everyone kinda just fades away over a short span of time (thinking around a week) as the world loses its flavor.

....buuuut nick's still there.

because the dads are The Dads, right. it's their defining characteristic. they need to have children to be dads (if the child is dead it doesn't matter, just needs to exist in the universe). the children are... kind of like anchors.

so if their children stopped existing, what then? well, it was a simple solution-- they got linked to the new verse kids. done done. new anchor, continued existence, "forever" relevance, hoorah.

only problem is that glenn doesn't have a kid. and he's not a dad anymore. so like, what's the point of his being there? nicholas is technically completely unrelated to him. in the new verse, it's said that he's darryl's friend who's just. there. in-auniverse and in a more meta concept sense, he really shouldn't have been there.

(eventually, glenn won't need an anchor anymore because of the relationship he develops with nicky but for now he needs a weight to assert his existence in the narrative)

erasing him from existence kind of goes against the court ruling because then why all the shenanigans. so he still has an anchor, though the new universe is unaware of it

so nick is still there.

nick is... not fully what he used to be. he seems overall the same, but he's in a sort of... stasis? like the most obvious effect is not aging but there are mental effects too. his and glenn's relationship and place in the world can't really change, so he doesn't.

he's like an ice sculpture now metaphorically-- fading like the rest of the world, but his process is slower because he's connected to glenn and he's still important to the story. he has approximately until the s1 finale until he starts getting into the danger zone. the worlds aren't exactly synced up time-wise, but time shifts and flows and the universes drift so there's never a concrete ratio-- usually worlds sync by story beat but. yea

so he's just wandering the world as it breaks apart. he's the only reason that it's still there, actually-- it becomes weaker as he does, as it loses its purpose completely.

by some chance, nicholas manages to contact nick then Stuff Happens.

cue shenanigans, primarily with nicholas and nick but several other people come into play too like glenn and jodie and morgan

(yes nick still dies in the end but there is Closure with the family okay. can't spell closure without close. do you get it)

#dndads #dndads spoilers #.....yes i tag it spoilers no harm in caution #it's the open au!#because it the case didn't *close* get it #get it because #his last name #and like #it was a case #and it didn't get r #anyway #this makes little sense but i'm getting goofy with it #it's very self-indulgent #I JUST WANT GLENN AND NICK TO HAVE SOME CLOSURE OKAY I CANT BELIEVE HE DIDNT GET TO SAY GOODBYE #LAST THING HE SAID TO HIS SON WAS YEAH #NICK JUST FUCKING DIES!!#in this au that doesn't change but at least he has a while longer before his doom #this is only one half of the au btw the rest of the guys have stuff going on too #i just..... the blorbos #i need to develop this more but this has occupied my mind for.... a bit #yes i made this entire thing for an end scene with glenn and nick #i'm not ashamed #edit i tried to post some art but tumblr keeps eating it #i don't know why???#it seems like the image is flagged but why ????#it's just two people sitting next to each other????

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spiderwarden · 13 days

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Epilogue Romanced Gale outright saying he would do godly favors for Minthara, is chef kiss.

#[ 🕷️ ] —— musings #[ also to have a God in general love you??? ]#[ also does this mean this is leading to a Minthy being HIS chosen in return because nobody is better at ambition than she is ]#[ because she is literally looking at cities like 'yes I'm gonna rule all of them and then I'm gonna go home and conquer home and then -#[ i am going to kill a God. LOLTH WHEN I CATCH YOU!!!! ]#[ though - the ONE thing that I can entirely see minthy doing is helping g.ale get the crown on the condition they become gods TOGETHER ]#[ if its possible- is it possible? ]#[ minth outright says if gal.e fought my.stra she'd bet on g.ale- but also her becoming a God too? to fight LOLTH? come on ]#[ COME ON THIS CONCEPT IS TOO JUICY!!!!!! ]#[ this is purely self indulgent and does not effect my expectations or approach to gal.e blogs I'm just- .. musing ]#[ I'm gonna do a couple replies before I go and sew ]

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toad-games · 1 year

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of regrets and rainy nights

“Do you like Theo?” He’s used to Hani’s impossible questions by now. She’s overflowing with them, and he’s learned by now how to drift on that unending tide. How to admit that he doesn’t know everything, far from it. But, this question isn’t difficult to answer. And that realization alone scares the shit out of him. “Yes, I do. I like her very much.”

Or, Hani’s very inquisitive nature comes in clutch to a shy dad trying to get to know someone a bit better. I cannot get Farro out of my head, so I needed to finish this before my brain combusted.

Farro x F!MC (Theo) 1,500 words. Farro is from @barbwritesstuff‘s amazing game Blood Moon go play it I am no longer asking

Read it on AO3 here

Hani is silent as he carries her up the creaking stairs. Ordinarily, she wouldn't have tolerated being held like this, not for this long, but she still has her arms locked tight around his neck, her face buried in his still aching shoulder. He shifts her in his arms, freeing one hand to brush some of her wild curls out of his face. She still smells like maple syrup.

“Why is Alpha mad at Theo?”

Her voice is so quiet, nearly drowned out by the drumming rain and the groaning of the old stairs. He might not have known she’d spoken at all if it weren’t for her warm breath against his neck.

“I don’t think Alpha is angry,” he murmurs, “I think they’re worried.”

“Did…did Theo do something bad?”

They reach their room and Farro carefully sets her down. Hani looks somehow both younger and very grown up in the dim light of the hall. Her rain jacket is too big on her, hanging almost to her knees, the sleeves rolled back three times to keep her hands free. She’s looking up at him, her enormous brown eyes unusually serious. He kneels down so that she doesn’t have to crane her head back. Downstairs, the pack still murmurs to one another, their discontent practically a physical presence in the pub. It’s echoed by the moon’s distant call to action. Call to hunt. The lack of howling is almost deafening.

“I don’t know,” he says, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear, “I don’t think so, but,” he draws his hand down his face, scratches at his beard with a sigh. He’s having a difficult time cataloging the strange series of events that lead him to this moment himself. He can’t imagine what this all must look like to her. Bright, inquisitive Hani, who has a million questions on a perfectly average day.

“I don’t think Theo did anything wrong,” she whispers, “I think she’s nice. I don’t think she would do something mean, or try to trick us.”

Farro’s heart twists, and he tries to smile. He doesn’t feel particularly successful at it.

“I hope you’re right, pumpkin.”

“Do you like Theo?”

“I--” he hesitates, his hands still resting on her tiny shoulders. She’s staring up at him, eyebrows raised and he sighs again, getting to his feet, “it’s late, Hani, very late.”

“Do you?”

He looks back down at her, bracing his hands on his hips.

He’s used to Hani’s impossible questions by now. She’s overflowing with them, and he’s learned by now how to drift on that unending tide. How to admit that he doesn’t know everything, far from it. But, this question isn’t difficult to answer. And that realization alone scares the shit out of him.

“Yes, I do. I like her very much.”

For the first time since they’ve returned to the pub, Hani smiles, dimples flashing in her cheeks. She looks so much like Brianna when she smiles. He reaches out, pinches her cheek gently, smiling when she bats his hand away.

“Will you tell Alpha that Theo is nice,” she says, holding his hand away from her face. Her fingers are completely dwarfed by his own, “so that they won’t worry anymore?”

“I will, pumpkin. Now, it’s time for bed.”

The room Phill had given them is quiet, tucked away at the back of the pub. The view isn’t much, it looks out into the alleyway behind the pub, but it is quiet and surprisingly cozy, with the rain tapping against the window, the light from the street lamp muted by the heavy curtains. Hani had fallen asleep almost the second her head hit the pillow. Farro watches her, curled up beside him as he sits up against the headboard. Her auburn hair a halo around her still face. He flicks off the lamp, lays down, careful not to shift the bed too much. Roe had texted him, informing him that Kiki and Omar were on watch, that a few other wolves were prowling the streets as well. He and Hani can rest now. Nothing will be approaching the pub without the pack’s knowledge. Fatigue drags at him, but he can’t sleep. Every time he closes his eyes, Theo’s pale, stricken face stares back at him.

He should have said something. Should have spoken up. But what was he supposed to say? Tell his alpha she was innocent? That whatever was going on here, if her pack was involved or not, Theo wouldn’t have done anything to hurt him or Hani. What evidence did he have of that? A stirring in his chest that he hadn’t felt in years? Was his alpha supposed to risk their entire pack on the claim that she was a good person, based purely on the fact that Theo was kind to his daughter?

He scrubs at his tired eyes, rolling over on his side. Sleep seems unlikely tonight. He thought Theo would have kept him awake for a very different reason. That he’d be too busy kicking himself for not asking for her number. That the image he couldn’t rid from his head was of her smiling up at him as she shook his hand. Of her unseasonably short sundress. Not her staring up at him, eyes wide and pleading as his packmates claws dug into her arms.

He sits up, grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes until stars sparkle behind his lids. He should have fucking said something. Should have told the Alpha that she’d been just as surprised as he’d been, that she’d be the one bearing the scar from a silver blade if he hadn’t pushed her. His head falls back against the headboard with a dull thunk. The rain is picking up, sounding almost like small pebbles striking the window pane. He reaches for his phone. Maybe he could call Roe, or at least text them, give them a better idea of what happened. His phone is on top of Hani's notebook, perfectly framed by the thin strip of light falling in through the window. He picks it up, then looks down at the notepad beneath it. Small, spiral bound, covered with so many stickers he can’t tell what color the original cover is anymore. Many pages are dogeared, and there are colorful tabs sticking out on several of the warped pages. He glances down at Hani's sleeping form. She’s allowed him to read through a few entries before, under her watchful eye, but there’s only one that’s of any interest to him tonight. The notebook somehow feels fuller than when he’d originally bought it for her. So much of Hani is imbued in these pages that she’s added a tangible weight to it. He turns to the last page.

Interview with Theodora (Theo) Jackson. March 2nd 2019 8:38 P.M.

It takes some time to decipher her scrawling script, especially in the dim light and with his tired, itchy eyes, but he pushes through. He reads about how Theo hates artificial cherry flavor, but loves fresh cherries. About how if she could go anywhere in the world, she’d go to the lake where her mother taught her to swim. He reads until a headache begins to build behind his eyes, and he reads some more. He combs through pages of his daughter’s childish handwriting, scouring for every piece of Theo he can find, collecting fragments and scraps until he can assemble something that resembles a person. Resembles the woman who sat next to him in a sticky vinyl booth, hiding her amusement behind her napkin, but catching his eye over Hani's head. Smiling at him like the two of them were already in on some private joke.

It isn’t much. Mostly superficial things, like favorite foods (lemon pound cake), favorite color (yellow to look at, green to wear) but there are a few lines that he lingers on. That she loves the smell of warm grass. That she loves Carly Simon and Joni Mitchell, because her mother loved them. A few disjointed sentences about a clearing in a dense, old forest. A place to finally settle. Somewhere to call home. A fire that burned hot and fast, and the long, lonely year that followed.

He hadn’t been able to catch everything she’d said during the interview. The pub had been loud, and Theo was angled away from him, her attention entirely on Hani, but he’d heard the way she had adopted almost a drawl when she talked about her old pack. When she talked about her mother. He’d watched the way her shoulders had grown tense, but she still smiled at Hani, her voice honeyed and soft.

Do you miss your old pack?

All the time

He closes the notebook, sets it back in the exact position he found it. There’s more, a dozen questions more but his head is swimming, the ache in his temples building to a steady throb. He closes his eyes. Remembers the way Theo’s anguish had settled into numbness with practiced ease as her packmate’s tinny voice echoed from her phone,

“He’s dead… our alpha is dead.”

Hani rolls over with a muffled groan, nuzzling her face into his shoulder. He curls an arm around her, drawing her in and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Tomorrow, he’ll talk to Roe. Tomorrow, he’ll try to make it right.

#yes this is entirely self indulgent #but it is fanfic so... that's literally what it's for #blood moon if #blood moon game #blood moon farro #blood moon #farro blood moon #farro blood moon if #i have not stopped thinking about when farro said 'really it feels like i've known you for years'#and thinking about how maybe he goes and reads Hani's interview again #and again #he has all this mc trivia thanks to Hani

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