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#(though i have in the past) though i feel bad for the people who do! like when final mixes were a thing (or when the whole game was on a
the-raindeer-king · 2 days
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(A/N: prt 3 of Mama Riley! One use of pronouns but it's nothing too gendered. Ignore any spelling error. I wrote part of this half asleep.)
Silence stretches out between you and Mama Riley. She's dropped an absolute bombshell of information so casually, as if it was like talking about the weather. And she's so confident in her statement, leaving no room for argument.
You're not entirely sure how to respond. But you manage to squeak out, “Is that so?” which is such a bad response. You can't help but cringe at yourself.
It makes Mama Riley laugh though. She really does like you. You're a firecracker, in her opinion, and she thinks you'd be good for Simon. But she promises that if you don't want to date him, that's okay. You two were friends before Simon caught feelings, and she won't let anything change that. She tells you to at least consider it.
You spend the next week considering it. Looking back over your interactions with Simon, knowing how he feels, it feels almost obvious. He's tense around you because he likes you. He keeps bringing you gifts and remembering your favorite drink because he likes you.
But where do your own feelings lie? You hated him in the beginning, and gradually warmed up to the mountain of a man. But do you have feelings for him? The thought process makes your head spin, and there's a weird feeling in your chest. The question is no closer to being answered.
Not until he returns from deployment. He's got a new scar on his ear, and there's a limp in his walk. Caught a knife in the side, just barely missed anything important, he informs you and his mum. And your heart clenches at the thought.
Before you can really think about it, you're scolding him for being so casual about being injured. He's got people who care about him, he can't be so flippant about these things. He has a reason to come home, so he needs to act like it. If not for his own sake, then for you and his mom.
Despite the fact that you're chewing him out, there's this tender look on his face, affection in his eyes. He quietly huffs out a ‘yes ma'am/sir’, and the warmth in his eyes is reflected by the warmth growing on your cheeks.
There's a pause, something heavy in the air. Simon opens his mouth, ready to say something, but the moment is broken when Mama Riley comes bustling into the living room, dinner plates in hand. Her eyes dart between the two of you for a moment, a knowing smile on her face. But she doesn't comment on anything, just passes out dinner and settles down on the loveseat.
Over the next few weeks, you and Simon have a lot of tense moments, ready to finally admit your feelings to each other. But each time is ruined by some interruption. Mama Riley interrupts, your phone rings. Once, the kids down the hall came running past, shrieking about the upcoming snowfall.
Poor Simon is trying not to totally lose it. This is the closest he's gotten to admitting his feelings, to have you finally, and every time something interrupts you. He doesn't want to mess this up. It needs to be perfect because, in his head, that's what you deserve, that's how he's going to win you over. Unbeknownst to Simon, he's already won your heart. He just needs to ask you out.
Once again, it's Mama Riley to the rescue. You three have a tradition: the days leading up to Simon's next deployment, you all spend the night at Mama Riley's flat together. Now, Simon's on leave for the next few weeks, but she can't bear to watch the two of you struggle like this.
So she invites you both over, insisting that it'll be nice to have you both over for something fun instead of sad. And then she conveniently remembers that she's got a book club tonight, and she leaves, telling you two to get comfy, watch a movie. She'll be back.
Now's a better time than never, especially since Mama Riley's practically given you the chance. She's gone all of two seconds, before you whip your attention onto Simon, blurting out, “Your mom told me you're in love with me. Is that true?”
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pinkiemachine · 5 hours
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I’ve only done some light reading on Selina, but even so, details on her past seem few and far between. Maybe there’s a reason, maybe I just haven’t looked hard enough, whatever. Someone can enlighten me in the comments. What I do know, however, is that she’s eluded to have experienced some form of abuse as a child. Now, this research came on the heels of brushing up on the rest of Batman’s rogues’ gallery and I gotta say, abuse as a backstory comes up a lot. And I’m just sitting here, like, “There are so many unique people in this world with unique traumas and hurts that this feels almost cookie cutter.” Am I wrong? I just wanna be more specific and explore problems more intimately. So… Selina Kyle. What to write for her backstory? I thought a lot about who she is as a character present day—her playful aloofness, her decision to become a cat burglar, breaking rules as if they don’t exist, always on the run, never settling down with anyone long term, stealing nice things for herself—it led me to this backstory: When Selina was a child, she was horribly neglected. Her father was almost never around and her mother was depressed, anxious, under the influence of alcohol quite often, and wished she never had a daughter. Selina found that it was always easier to live as though she were invisible. If she never got caught making a mess or being noisy or causing problems, her mother would never get mad at her, or even a acknowledge her, and neither would her father if he ever showed his face. She never received birthday gifts—or if she did, they were pitiful—and all of her attempts of reaching out via gifts to her mother and father were rejected. She was never loved and grew to believe that the only way she would ever feel cared for is if she just took care of herself and only herself. She was good at being invisible, and so she became good at stealing. She treated herself to nice things whenever she felt like it, and she rarely ever got caught. She never made close friends. She never really fell in love. She built up walls so high that no one could ever break them down… until she met Bruce. Suddenly, here was a guy who could consistently catch her red-handed. Who told her she needed to stop robbing people. Who believed she could be better. Who saw her. And even though she kept double-crossing him, escaping his grasp, and escaping justice, she found that it was a little bit harder to return to crime every time. She had always found him attractive… but the longer they chased each other around Gotham, and the longer he showed that he wasn’t going to ignore her or give up on her, the more that attraction turned into a deep feeling that Selina had never felt before. True love. She was scared of it. She didn’t know what to do with it. It was completely the opposite of everything she had ever known, and she secretly didn’t think she deserved it. After all, she was a criminal. She was a “bad guy.” Someone who stole from others for pleasure and profit. And yet Bruce believed she was a good person deep down. He believed she had the capacity for change. And in time, he would find himself falling in love with her too. By the end of their story, naturally, those walls had come crumbling down and they had each learned how to love again, something they both thought would never happen to them. 💜
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dark-frosted-heart · 13 hours
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I Love You, I've Sinned - Azel
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As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this
One day during my stay in Tanzanite, I wound up becoming a servant to God—
Emma: Prince Azel…Is it true that you deliver divine punishment to people?
When I asked Prince Azel about this after handing him something he had me fetch for him in town, rather than giving me his usual smile, he scowled. 
Azel: What did you see while out in town?
Emma: There was theft in the market today. The criminal was immediately captured by a passerby—
~~ Flashback ~~
Male onlooker: How dare you…Never did I expect that there would be such a ruckus in God’s own land.
Female onlooker: You will face divine punishment. Our Living God will not forgive you.
~~ Flashback end~~ 
Emma: —It seemed like everyone, the thieves included, feared “divine punishment”.
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Azel: Absurd.
Emma: Have you ever threatened people across the country in the past?
Azel: That slander deserves some reparations.
Emma: I can’t say anything at all can I…
Azel: Don’t talk nonsense unless you want to experience divine punishment for yourself.
Emma: Ah, so divine punishment does exist.
Azel: Who knows?
After checking what he had me get for him, Prince Azel placed the jute bag in a corner of the crumbling ruins.
The temple which was supposed to be the Living God’s home, was as shabby as ever.
(Prince Azel’s a two-faced god, so it’d be scary if he actually did deliver divine punishment…)
Azel: Have you ever sinned?
Seems like Prince Azel’s in a good mood if he’s continuing the conversation even though he said not to talk about nonsense.
Emma: Probably…not
Azel: You’re lying.
Emma: Why do you say so?
Azel: Because no humans are without sin.
Emma: …Wouldn’t that mean everyone’s been imprisoned before?
Azel: Has anyone ever told you how empty your head is?
Emma: This is the first.
Azel: Have you never been exposed as an idiot before?
(You have a response for everything…)
Prince Azel leaned against a wall in the shade.
I followed suit and took a sip of water out of my flask.
Azel: Only acts that violate the law aren’t sins. Sins are actions that deserve God’s divine punishment.
Emma: So only God has control?
Azel: Is that so bad?
Emma: …No.
Azel: Simply put, anything you think you’re guilty of is a sin. Surely you’ve also been guilty of something to some extent. Whether it’s telling small lies, hiding things from others, or doing something to hurt someone unintentionally… As long as you’re alive, it’s hard to avoid them.
Emma: Well when you put it that way.
(Then, looking back, I probably have too)
(Sins that I need to apologize for…)
Azel: Confess your sins to God, and through receiving divine punishment, all will be forgiven. Perhaps that’s why people seek God…How laughable.
(Hm?)
Mysterious, starry eyes look at the flask in my hand.
Emma: …I’m not giving it to you?
Azel: Stingy.
Emma: I don’t want to hear that from a greedy god.
Azel [polite]: Ahhh, then at this rate I will dry up and die.
Emma: …
Azel [polite]: For a human to treat a god so cruelly…That’s god abuse.
Emma: …
Azel [polite]: God abuse is a felony and the charges cannot be compared to any that has existed to this point—
Emma: OKAY! Then in exchange for the water, please forget that the reparations demanded earlier ever existed.
Azel [polite]: Of course. Thank you very much.
(Can’t believe you put on the god act in times like this…)
When I handed Prince Azel the flask, he started drinking immediately.
(I don’t mind giving him water, but…does Prince Azel care at all?)
Feeling restless somehow, I turned my gaze away from the mysterious god and toward the ruins.
(...)
(If god abuse is a sin, then…)
(There’s one guilty sin I remember)
--
—That night.
When I came to, I found myself in place with half-bloomed roses.
(I’m here again…)
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The usual dream in the usual place, but today, there was something unusual.
At the end of the countless paths stood a figure.
That person sat improperly on the oak table where a book usually was, and as I walked down the path, he turned from the large full moon in the sky toward me.
Azel: We ran into each other in a dream? …Give me a break.
Emma: That’s my line. It’s not like I enjoy running into you either.
(I heard that dreams have some deep psychological meaning, but…)
(I wonder if seeing Prince Azel means he’s occupying my mind that much)
(...That being a good or bad thing’s another story)
Azel sat on the table with one knee up and looked down at me cheekily.
It was like the dream world enhanced his mysterious, inhuman appearance.
Emma: …You’re not here to deliver divine punishment, are you?
Azel: If you’re feeling guilty then maybe.
Emma: …
Azel: You are.
Emma: Who knows…
Azel: Sins are forgiven when you confess. It’s easier to let it out than to suffer in distress, that’s just how it is.
Emma: …
Azel: Say it, then. If you seriously ask for forgiveness, then I’ll deliver divine punishment to you. …It’s not a free service though.
(That’s why he’s so oddly assertive)
Emma: Nevermind then.
Azel: No, ask for forgiveness. Or else this dream won’t end.
Emma: That’s a threat!
Azel: Talking back to God like that’s asking for more to be added on to what you owe.
(...If Prince Azel wasn’t a real god, then I could ignore him)
Tanzanite’s living god was a true god, recognized and revered as sacred throughout the continent.
Even if the face he showed me was different from the face he showed the public, I wouldn’t dare to ignore God’s word.
Emma: …Will you listen without getting angry?
Azel: That depends.
Emma: To tell you the truth… The other day, I saw you taking a nap. Even when I got closer, you didn’t wake up, so… …Out of curiosity, I played with your beautiful, silver hair.
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Azel: …
Emma: I’m so sorry! But it felt really nice to touch!
Azel: That’s a grave sin.
When I tried to run away, Prince Azel lept off the table and stopped me with a hand on my shoulder before jabbing my cheek.
Emma: Please stop! The jabbing really feels like you’re going to hollow my cheeks out!
Azel: Accept your punishment. I noticed your eccentric behavior though.
Emma: Then why didn’t you wake up?
Azel: I wasn’t in the mood to entertain you.
(A very Prince Azel-like reason)
When he finally released me, I rubbed my cheek.
(Even though I suffered…my heart definitely feels lighter)
(I can’t let him off easy…)
Emma: Have you ever sinned, Prince Azel?
When I asked the question in retaliation, he shrugged in exasperation.
Azel: How could a god sin?
Emma: At it again…
Azel: If there’s no one to punish it, then it’s not a sin. If neither man nor god can punish me, then no one can punish me for my sins.
Emma: …
Azel: Perhaps one day God will commit a mortal sin. When that time comes…I wonder who will sit on the Throne of God and punish me.
Prince Azel’s mutterings melted into the dream space.
(That…doesn’t sound like a joke…)
Emma: Leave it to me. If it needs to be done, I’ll do it.
As if to dispel the mysterious aura around the god, I made a proud declaration.
Emma: I hope your cheeks will be able to stand it.
Azel: That doesn’t sound like a big punishment to me.
Emma: Stay complacent while you can. I have a mean slap.
Azel: …No one’s asking you to slap me.
Emma: If it doesn’t hurt, then it’s not a punishment worthy of being divine punishment.
When I pretended to slap him, Prince Azel smiled condescendingly. 
However, there didn’t appear to be any ill intentions behind the smile.
Azel: If God were to sin, then it would be a sin on a different level from humans. Possibly enough to wipe out an entire country. Punish that sin if you can…Actually you might do that.
Prince Azel looked up at the glittering moon in the dream world.
I still wasn’t sure about the meaning behind that melancholic look on his profile.
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Anime only watchers and people who aren't caught up with the Manga, BEWARE... Cuz I'm about to discuss Spy X Family Mission 98... You have been warned...! 👌
[SPOILERS AHEAD FROM THIS POINT ON]
This chapter literally broke me in more ways than one...
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This chapter is a continuation of Martha and Henderson's backstory from Mission 97, so let's talk about it shall we...?
So when I opened this chapter and saw a radio...:
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...I literally got PTSD from seeing it because it immediately made me think of the first part of Mission 62, Twilight's (or rather [REDACTED]'s) past, so I knew that things were about to take a turn for the worst...! 😔
On the same page, Martha asks Henderson what he's doing here and he tells her that there's a personnel shortage, so he got to graduate early. Then, Henderson turns off the radio and says this:
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This is just... It's so sad, but true that things, like radios, that were once made for helping others can easily be used to spread hatred and cause harm... It's just not right... 😞
Moving on, after being separated for so long, Martha and Henderson were able to have another tea party like they used to have, but it wasn't long before things started to take a turn... During a school safety drill, Martha asks Henderson if he's excused from being drafted, and he tells her...:
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"It may be that even education is powerless now."... 😟
Hearing Henderson say that hurts my soul... But nothing could prepare me for the next few pages...
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Why... Why do things like this have to happen... 😣
No, things like this SHOULDN'T happen...! Innocent people dying because of senseless violence, because of war, it's just not right nor is it fair...! And I will always stand by that...!!
Continuing on, Henderson finds out that Martha is volunteering for The Women's Defense Auxiliary and he's upset by this. She tells him that the ballet company she was a part of is going to disband and her dream will go with it, so he scolds her again and she tells him this:
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My heart hurts just seeing the anguish in face and in her words...!! 💔
And the heart break continues because Martha overhears that Henderson is going to be married off and she is devastated... But while in tears, she overhears that the dance is coming again, so this is her last chance to tell him how she feels...!
At the dance, Martha approaches Henderson:
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Martha looks so cute here...!! 💗 I was so excited to see them dance together, that when I turned the page, something unexpected happened... I started to cry...:
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Seeing them happy, even though just for this moment, it reminded me why I love Spy X Family so much... It's for these moments, the moments that most of S×F's cast is fighting for, the moments that we all should strive for...!! There are just so many bad things going on in the world that it makes wish that moments like these could be the norm for all instead of some...!! I just don't understand why must there be so much hatred and malice in the world... Why can't we all live in peace instead of conflict...
Gosh, I'm even crying now just writing all of that... I should probably start to wrap this up...!
So, just as Martha is about to confess to Henderson, this happens...:
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...and the chapter ends... 💔😭💔
And that was Mission 98; truly such a heartwreching chapter to read, just like Mission 62 was...
I don't even know what else to say except thank you to Endo... Thank you for making this manga, for getting me feel all of these feelings, for giving me the opportunity to share these feelings with everyone that loves this series as much as I do...!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart...!! 💗
And thank you to all of you that reads this post...!! There's a lot of things that I wish that I could do to make the world a better place, but if this post inspires you in anyway, that's good enough for me...!! 💗
Sorry for rambling, but anyway... Until the next Mission; take care, be safe out there and thank you for reading...!! 🤗 Later!! 💗
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amcoffey · 2 days
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Feel Better
Trafalgar Law x chronically ill Reader
(It's a little bit of a "squint your eyes to see the romance" deal)
Summary:
You’ve never missed a dose. No matter what medicine you were on, you took it at the exact dosage and the exact time needed. This truly is no small feat. You have been on a lot of different medicines in the many years since your diagnosis. Pills, injections, IV infusions. It didn’t matter what it was: you never missed a dose. Well… Never until now. To think the only time you’ve ever missed a dose of your meds is because you got isekaied into One Piece. It sounds like a bad joke. Who is going to ever believe you? Note: One Piece belongs to Echiro Oda. Not I, a lowly fanfiction writer, who is just using his characters to cope.
Word Count: 3,249
CW: Chronic illness, medical jargon, descriptions of pain
Other tags: hurt/comfort, angst, second person perspective, probably out of character Law (ya girl hasn't caught up yet. I'm in Wano)
You’ve never missed a dose. No matter what medicine you were on, you took it at the exact dosage and the exact time needed. This truly is no small feat. You have been on a lot of different medicines in the many years since your diagnosis. Pills, injections, IV infusions.
It didn’t matter what it was: you never missed a dose. 
Well… Never until now. 
To think the only time you’ve ever missed a dose of your meds is because you got isekaied into One Piece.
It sounds like a bad joke. Who is going to ever believe you? 
You wouldn’t if you weren’t in that exact situation. You'd laugh if it wasn't for the anxiety raging within you. Sat in your uncomfortable seat, your leg bounced uncontrollably. You ignore the calculated gaze of the man in front of you.
“Can you please explain what happened?” He was quick to the point. There was no nonsense with him. He wanted to talk about what happened. 
And, to put it simply…
“I can’t.” You didn’t. 
A large part of you was hoping desperately that maybe if you prove you’re more trouble than you’re worth he’ll drop it. Law’s eyes narrowed. 
“Can’t? Or won’t?” To your disappointment, he wasn’t giving up that easily. 
“Both actually.” You answered, defiance in your voice as you glared at him. “Can I go now?”
“Nope.” His steely eyes don’t leave yours as he sits forward in his chair. “Not until you tell me what happened.”
“There’s nothing to say.” You lied. He let out a tight sigh in response. 
“You cannot think I’d believe that given what happened.” 
“Nothing happened.” You insist as you stand from your chair. Pain immediately shoots through your stomach that you do your best to ignore. It didn’t matter though because Law definitely noticed the wince. “Anyways thanks for the talk captain! I’ll be seeing you!” You move to push past him but you're stopped when he sticks his arm in your way. 
“Sit down.” Law didn’t even move from his seat but effortlessly pushed you back in yours. “Where are you hurting?” 
“Umm… Nowhere.” You were pushing his buttons, you knew you were. But you'd rather make the Surgeon of Death mad at you than discuss what he wanted to. Law sighed as he shook his head. 
“You’re being stubborn,” You lowered your gaze to the ground. You can’t look at him. “Why can’t you just talk about it?” 
Why? Why can't you talk about it? Because you were not in this situation. You couldn’t be! You were not about to talk about your chronic illness with Trafagalar Law of all people. 
Because why would you tell him about it? You were in remission, you were fine. Whatever happened that got him so worked up was just… A fluke. 
It had to be. 
“Has this been an ongoing problem?" He speaks up again as he shifts forward. "Why haven’t you said anything about it?” 
“In my defense,” You sat back in your chair and sighed. Your arms circle around your torso. You were looking everywhere but to him. “I didn’t think I’d be here for this long.”
“Defense noted,” He states. "But you are here. You have been." Given how uncooperative you’ve been, you expected him to start getting angry by now. And yet, when you braved a look at him, you saw his gaze was much softer than you were expecting. “I suggest you explain. You happen to be with the best doctor around. I can help.” 
You scoff. Gaze darted back to the floor. That wasn’t the first time you’ve heard that. 
In fact, you heard those words the day you got teleported here. You had switched health insurance and had to change gastroenterologist. That day you had your first appointment with him. 
“I’m the best around.” He had reassured you. But when you started giving your medical history he cut you off. Just to tell you a bunch of basic information you already knew.
"Your condition is an autoimmune chronic disease. There is no cure."
As if you hadn't spent the last 10 years grappling with that fact.
And then when you got home you passed out and ended up in the Grand Line. 
At first you thought the scariest part of showing up here was the fact you had no idea where ‘here’ was story wise. Back at home, you were reading One Piece. You had just read about the Strawhats getting an SOS call that told them about a place called Punk Hazard. But you couldn’t get farther in the manga. You were waiting for the next volume to arrive to your apartment. The ironic thing is it probably arrived by now.
But you were wrong to fear the characters and story. The actual scariest thing about being here was what you were dealing with right now.
“Hey,” Law’s soft calling brought you back to reality. A reality you wanted nothing to do with. 
“I don’t want to talk about it, ok?” Your voice was smaller than you wanted it to be. He sighs and there’s some note of understanding in it. 
“Have you ever thought that maybe talking about it will make you feel better?” 
“It won’t.” You say with certainty. Then knowing he was going to have more questions you didn't want to answer you add “Talking about it reminds me it’s there.” 
“Oh really?” His voice is still soft but there’s some exasperation behind it. “And the debilitating abdominal pain you were in not 30 minutes ago doesn’t?” Well… Shit. He had a point. 
"I didn't say it was abdominal pain." You countered. It was the wrong thing to focus on. But it was something
"You didn't have to. I could tell." His lips quirk up in a victorious smirk. "Doctor. Remember?" You roll your eyes and return your attention to the floor.
"I'm not saying a word." The smirk he had on must have been wiped off by now but you didn't check. You saw in your peripheral as he dragged his hand down his face.
"Come on! You were practically paralyzed." You winced, this time not in pain. But because of the truth his words held. "You wouldn’t move, wouldn’t talk. Your face got deathly pale and patchy. You keep pretending that’s nothing but that… That was not nothing.” 
Why do you even care? You bite back the question as your leg continues to bounce. It didn't matter why he cared. What mattered was he was right.
That's when the it hit you...  
Paralyzing pain… Mouth sores that’ll make eating impossible. Fatigue that makes me wish I wasn’t awake. Your arms started to tremble, your leg bouncing more and more without your knowing. Vomiting up my meals, the malnutrition. the depression... I can’t escape it.. More and more thoughts flood your head, capturing all your attention.  You don't notice Law look at you in concern, opening his mouth to say your name.
You shoot out of your seat, knocking it to the floor.
“I need to go.” You rush to the door. I need to leave this room, this world, I need to go, I need to go back!
Home....
 You don't think as your legs move on their own. They're rushing you out of the room. But before you can even get to the door, Law is there. He has a hand on it, preventing you from leaving. 
“Hey-” He tried to reason with you but you weren’t having it. 
“No, please just stop.” You were shaking at this point. Pain was creeping back into your guts, expanding them, filling you with dread. You can feel your face grow paler, accompanied by patches of hot skin. “I-I need to leave.” 
“No.” Law’s gaze hardened as did his voice. His eyes scan your appearance, studying you. You hate it.
"Stop looking at me!"
“You need to tell me what’s wrong with you!”
“What’s wrong is that fact that it took me 3 years to finally get a handle on my last flare up!" Panicked words were bubbling up faster than you could suppress them. "And now all that work was for nothing because I’m relapsing!” Tears were streaming down your face. The pain was unbearable and you squeeze your eyes shut. Your shaky legs were barely holding you up even though you wanted nothing more than to collapse.
You were so happy and so healthy for the first time in so long. This couldn’t end. This couldn’t be the end!
“Let me help you.” Law insisted. His hands brush against your elbows and you snap backwards. Your knuckles were white from how hard you onto your arms. You looked like you were holding yourself up.
“You can’t-” 
“How do you know that?” He demanded. He had been doing a remarkable job holding back his emotions but they were starting to spill out too. “You won’t even let me try?!”
“You think you're the first person who wanted to try and fix me?!” The tears in your eyes made if hard to see him. “I got worse with my last doctor! And talking about all of this just reminds me of all the hell that is awaiting me because I've skipped too many doses!” Your body wracks hysterically. You lean again the wall to help you stand as pain ravages your guts. You don’t notice how Law is in front of you again until he gently grabs your hands. He lets them tremble in his.
You can't find it in yourself to stop. “For 3 years nothing worked and now I have something that works and it is about to be ruined because I’m missing too many doses because I’m in One Piece. The best thing I can do for myself is go home! I hav- I have to…” Finally, after holding all it in for so long, you break down into incoherent sobs. Law lowers your head onto his shoulder as you sob uncontrollably. He doesn't say anything. He just holds you against him, supporting you with everything he's got.
You hunch inwards, crying even harder as your insides twist in agony.
You know from much too much experience that once it starts, you can't do anything to make them better. You just had to wait the pain out.
Pathetic cries come from you as you think I can't believe I'm relapsing.
….
It takes so long for you to calm down. The pain subsided after a while but you were still crying when it did. 
It didn’t matter to Law. He was patient. Neither of you move from your spots. It's only when you let out an almost relieved sigh that he moves to lift your head up. A gentle grasp on your chin has you tilting your head up for him. And a careful look told you he was studying your features again, looking for signs you were in pain. When he didn’t find any he exhaled a sigh. 
You half expect him to spit some sort of sarcastic remark about how dramatic you’re being. But instead he asks: “Can we sit back down?”
You nod weakly and let him guide you back to the chairs. When you sit down you don’t look at him. 
But you know he’s looking at you. But he doesn't say anything. Maybe he didn't know what to say. You wouldn't blame him.
It was quiet for a long time. Just the sound of your hiccups and sniffles. 
Until finally… 
“I had a terminal illness when I was a kid.” He broke the silence. He caught your attention with that. Your eyes slid over to him, eyebrows knitted together in worry. “It didn’t really get bad until I was a teenager. But by the time I was 10 I knew I was going to die. And when the symptoms finally showed I just knew that my life was over.” His gaze was heavy and his usually sardonic smile held so much sadness in it. “I can still remember the pain. I felt like my body would give out at any moment. Everything hurt.” As he spoke his hand drifted to his chest.
He continued. “I had come to terms with my death. But... There was someone who didn’t. And that someone saved my life.” When he looks back at you his eyes brighten a little. He brings his hand to the back of your neck and pulls you forward until your forehead rests on his. “I’m not giving up on you. I know you’ve felt it too, that your life is over before it could begin. It’s not. I promise you.” 
You didn’t know what to say. 
“How.. How are you alive?” You couldn't help but ask. If his disease is terminal... He gives you a smirk. 
“I’m not lying when I tell you I’m a really good doctor.” You’re taken aback. “Is your illness terminal?” He asks and you feel his thumb draw circles on your neck. It's so calming you almost forget to answer his question.
“No, I don’t think so. I’ve never heard of anyone dying because of it.” You speak truthfully. “But it could ruin my intestines and cause them to stop working…And...” The tears start to return. Oh god… 
“It’s alright,” He whispers. “That’s not going to happen.” 
“How do you know?” 
“Because I’m going to help you. I thought that was obvious.” He laughs lightly. 
"Oh... Right." For the first time since he first sat you down, you smile.
“Do we…” You sniffed as another question popped up in your head. “Do we even have the same medical knowledge? O-or vocabulary?” Law tilted his head against yours. 
“What do you mean?” 
“Well... Do you remember when I said I was from a whole 'nother dimension?”
A scoff escapes from his lips. “How can I forget?” 
“Yea so… Doesn’t that mean we have different knowledge?” You leaned back out of his reach, raising your arms. “Our worlds have such different histories. That means we have different medical history right? What if I tell you and you don’t even understand?” 
“We’ll never know if you don’t tell me anything.” He gave a small smirk that was borderline infuriating. But you couldn't find it in yourself to be mad. You let out an exhausted sigh but nod. 
“...Ok. I’ll talk.” Law gives a genuine smile and gets up to grab his notepad. When he sits down again you have his full attention. 
Here we go.
It takes some time to explain your situation. You explain the name, the symptoms. You watch helplessly as Law writes down what you’re saying. 
“Are these episodes you’ve been having today normal?”
“Only when I’m flaring up. That’s the abdominal pain. It feels like something is expanding in my guts, past their limits.” 
“How do you treat your condition?” 
“With medicine.” Medicine that I am more than certain doesn’t exist here. “Every 14 days I take 80 mg over 0.8 ml of Humira or Adalimumab. It’s an injection that goes either into your thighs or your stomach.” As you recite the information you're painfully aware of how it had been since your last Humira shot. Law picks up on this but doesn’t state the obvious that you’ve been on his ship for over 4 weeks. Your leg starts bouncing again.
Law doesn't look up from his writing but says calmly "You have nothing to fear."
Your leg bounces less after hearing that. And a smile grows on his face.
When Law finishes writing you have to ask: “Did you understand anything that I said?”
“Pretty much. I mean your disease is called something else over here. But there is documentation about these symptoms in our world.” He smirked as he glances to you. “And you thought I wouldn't be able to be help.” You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. 
“Wait.." You pause, taking in his words. "You think you can actually help?” Law scoffs.
“I’m pretty offended you thought I couldn’t. Do you really think so little of me?” You shrugged. 
“I’ve gone through many doctors, captain. You aren’t the first person to act like you could be my savior.” He rolled his eyes and studied his notes again. 
“You mentioned not having control over your illness for 3 years. Was that when you were diagnosed?” 
For some reason that question startles you. “No, that was just when it last flared up. I've been diganosed since I was a teenager.” Law looked like his heart dropped as he looked back at you. 
“How old were you?
“13.” You try to answer as if this wasn’t the most tragic part of your story. You were just barely a teenager and your whole life got turned upside down in the span of a day. 
You could remember lying in that hospital bed. Your doctor spoke to your parents, using terms he didn’t bother to define for you. 
"Their condition is an autoimmune chronic disease. There is no cure."
It took you a few years to truly understood what that meant.
“... I was 13 when I got rid of my illness.” Law softly spoke up. Your eyes found his.
“Really?”
“Yea.” He sighed heavily. “It’s insane to think that while I was curing myself of my condition, you were just getting yours.” There’s a distant look in his eyes. “But also… How you talk about this speaks to years of experience. I’ve never had a patient tell me their treatment plan in as much detail as you can.” You give a humorless laugh. 
“What a useless skill I have.” 
“Clearly not useless.” Law scoffs lightly. "And this disease. It's a problem with your immune system?"
"Yea. It gets confused and attacks healthy cells, mistaking them for unhealthy ones. I don't know the exact science of it."
“That's fine." He reassures you. "It sounds like you just need an immune system rewrite.” You lift your head up and look at him in confusion. 
“What? To treat it I just need to block some of its functions so it doesn’t go out of control and attack everything.” You ignore the obvious that you don't know how that would work as you look at Law.
“I’m not talking about treatment.” He stands up and pats your head. “I’m talking about curing you.” The words pass through your ears and make you dizzy. 
Cure… Me? I can be cured? 
Law starts to walk away, going to a desk and rummaging through it as you process those words.
"...Why?" You speak up as you gaze in his direction. He turns to look at you.
"Why what?"
"Why are you helping me? Is there a catch or something?" He looks a little perplexed, like he didn't know the answer himself. But in the end he just shrugs.
"It's nice having you on my crew. You can offer insight that no one else can, being from another universe and all."
It felt like there was more to it than that. But you don't push it.
“And you can do it? Just completely rewrite my immune system?” Law just smirked and lifted his eyebrows in a cocky manner. 
“You say our world is what… A series of comic books in your world?” 
“I mean that’s putting it mildly but yea.”
“How far did you get in those comics?” 
“Uh… Punk Hazard?” 
Law laughs lightly and looks at you. “You definitely don’t understand what I can do.” 
Author's Note:
My partner is convinced Law could fix me. So I wrote a roughly 3,249 word one shot about that fantasy. What a nice fantasy that is. Originally wrote this for ao3 but thought it might do well here. Hope you enjoyed this wildly out of character fic. It's my copium :]
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cassidymb121 · 6 hours
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OMG It’s You… (Part 6.5)
YouTube! Fem reader x Stray Kids
Summary: Y/N’s YouTube channel is taking off after her reactions to Stray Kids MV God’s Menu. Now she’s making videos nonstop along with working a full time job. What would happen if she got offered a job of a lifetime and met the boys of her succession?
⚠️Warnings⚠️: cursing, crying, confusion, fatigue, Lee Know coming in clutch, Chan admits to being jealous of reader (let me know if I missed anything)
🏷️: @laylasbunbunny @weirdowithaphone
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Third Person POV
Y/N never thought she’d ever be called into the conference room at her own job. Especially when she’s being surrounded by people who she didn’t recognize and knew they weren’t from the States. Yet, here they were on one side of the table while she was on the other side with a stack of papers in front of her. With the word “CONTRACT” written across it.
“So, what do you say? Would you like to work with us?”
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Y/N’s POV (One week ago)
I had been staring at my computer screen for too long. Knowing I wasn’t getting anywhere, I pushed away from my desk and collapsed on my bed. I never felt exhaustion this bad like I did now. So much as happened during these past few weeks that I feel like I can’t keep up. Maybe I need to start from the beginning.
Flashback (Two weeks prior)
Pulling up my camera, I press record and wait three to five seconds before starting. “Y’all.” I huff, still trying to catch my breath. “When I made this address, I was expecting to get some packages here or there. The post office called me and told me that I need to come pick up my packages now. Because they were overflowing. I thought….You know what, let me just show you instead.” I pick up a huge draw bag of packages inside. “I have three of these and that’s not including these.” I grab a basket of letters or other small packages. “I had to take my grandfather’s truck because my car was too small to fit everything in it. I honestly thought that I wasn’t going to get this much stuff. Hell I’m afraid that I won’t be able to get through all of these before they call me again saying I have more waiting. I told y’all I don’t need anything, I already have too much.” I start looking around my room. “Where the hell am I going to put all this? I have no room, ugh.” I turned back to the camera. “I love y’all to death but this is way too much.”
Looking around, I let out a big sigh. “I’m grateful honestly. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad or upset. I’m more surprised than anything. I don’t want y’all to waste your money on me. I rather you keep that for bills, food, clothes, etc. Though at the end of the day, I can’t stop you from sending anything.” I sit down in my chair, worn out since those bags were heavy. “I know I made a promise to all of you that I will record everything that I open, but then again I didn’t expect to get this much fan mail. I’ll do my best to record what I can. Hopefully. What I can’t, I’ll try to out Thank You letters.” I laugh a little to myself. “I feel like I’m digging myself a hole. Making all these promises and talking about sending out letters. I just don’t want to let anybody down. I want all you to know that I appreciate everything that you do and I don’t want any of you to feel left out if I don’t show me opening up your package or letter.”
I get up and grab one of the big bags. “I’ve got to record an upcoming video, but as soon as I can I will record myself opening up some of these packages. I could do a livestream of me opening some of them too. I’ll have to see how I’m feeling that day. Either way I love y’all and I hope you have a great day. Bye!” I turn the camera off and I instantly drop my shoulders and head. ‘Why do I do this to myself? I knew I was in over my head when I did this.’ I look down at all the stuff people sent. “Well, I better get started on the album review before I worry too much about these.”
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Third Person POV (Before Y/N’s video above)
The boys had been worrying/stressing over what to send to Y/N. Chan had convinced the rest of the boys to send a gift and a letter from each of them so that she would know who it’s from. Some of them knew exactly what they wanted to send, others couldn’t make up their minds. Each one decided that they would all send their stuff at one time so hopefully she would get them all around the same time. Lee Know walked into Felix’s room, seeing the Sunshine himself writing a letter. He knocks on the door to announce his presence.
Felix turns to his older Hyung. “Hey.” Lee Know grins, and Felix responds back. “Hey.” His Hyung sits by him. “How’s it going?” Felix drops his head on his gaming desk. “Terrible. I can’t think of anything to write.” Lee Know observes him before replying back. “You don’t have to think about it so much. Just write what comes to your head.” Felix scuffs. “Easy for you to say. You don’t overthink everything like I do.” Felix runs his fingers through his hair. “Normally I could already know what I’d want to tell someone. Right now, I’m coming up blank.” Felix frustrated with himself, pulls on his hair.
“Do you want to see what I wrote?” Felix turns to his Hyung. “I don’t want to copy what you wrote Lee Know Hyung.” Lee Know smirks. “I know. I wrote two of them, in case you couldn’t think of anything. They’re not the same letter. Here, take it.” He pulls it from his back pocket. “You can always rewrite it in your own hand writing if you want.” He gets up to leave before turning around. “We’re sending them out tomorrow, so have it ready by tonight.” Felix nods his head smiling. “Thank you Hyung.” Lee Know returns the smile. “You’re welcome.”
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After Y/N had recorded and edited both versions of the review for Oddinary mini album, she sent one to JYP and saved the other for when the release date comes. She decided she’d take a small break before she would start recording herself on opening fan mail. She had to waited a couple of days before she got the chance to record herself again.
“Hello Lovelies and welcome back to the channel! So today we are going to start opening some of these packages today since I have so many. I will fair warn you, I’m bad with names so if I don’t pronounce your name correctly, don’t get mad at me.” I laugh lightly. “These will probably be different videos since I know I’m not going to be able to open all of them in just one video. Okay let’s get into shall we?”
Little did Y/N know there were eight boys who were waiting for her videos to come out. They wanted to see her reaction to their gifts they gave her. When the day finally came, they all gathered around a TV watching her. “What in the world is this?” She pulls out a package and sees there’s no name on it. It’s also from a PO Box address, but it’s from Seoul, South Korea. She looks at the camera with a questionable expression on her face. Pulling out her scissors and cuts the package open. The first thing she grabs is a letter with her name on it. She opens it and what she does next makes all the boys happy. Her jaw drops, “There’s no fucking way. This cannot be real.” She looks at the camera, back to the letter then back to the camera again. She swallows slowly before speaking.
Dear Y/N,
I’ve been following your videos since you reacted to our MV God’s Menu. The guys and I have been quite the fans of yours. When we saw that you created a PO Box, we knew that we wanted to give you something from each of us. We hope that you enjoy everything that you get and thank you for always supporting us through our journey.
Signed,
Lee Felix
She tears up a little bit and she wipes her eyes immediately with her hands. “So that means you’ve seen me make a fool out of myself this entire time. Damn. Well at least you know this is the real me. What you see is what you get. Now you just made a lot of Stays very jealous.” She laughs and points at the camera. “Y’all don’t come after me now.” She puts the letter to the side and opens the package more so she can see what’s inside. She pulls back and starts laughing really hard. “Felix, have I ever told you how much I love you? Because I really do. Hold on everyone, I’m about to show you what he got me.” She pulls out a container of brownies he made along with the recipe on top. “I knew the package looked weird but I know understand why. He said that he had to use vegetable oil to preserve them while being shipped.” She looks at the camera and smiling. “Thank you Felix, really. I will definitely enjoy these.” She puts them off to the side and grabs something else out of the package, she turns it over to see a little bracelet with him skzoo on it. “Ooh , I love that. That’s very precious.”
She turns to look at her other bags. “Just so I’m not constantly thinking about the other guys’ packages. I’m going to see if I have them all, so I can open them one after the other. I’m quite nervous now. Especially since I know they’ll be watching this video.” The boys can’t help but smile at her. She searches through the bags and manages to find all of them. “This one looks promising.” She had grabbed Hyunjin’s and carefully opened it. What was inside made her gasp. It was a painting of flowers in a glass vase. The painting itself was kind of mute, but had pops of colors on the flowers. “That is so beautiful Hyunjin, I love it. Did I ever tell you that my grandmother is an artist herself?” Hyunjin’s eyes widen hearing that statement and the boys do too. She steps out of view and calls for her grandmother.
Her grandmother comes into view. “One of my fans painted this far me.” Her grandmother complements the painting and Hyunjin lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He had also given her some facial mask since he knew she enjoyed those more than makeup. Each member gave her a letter with similar words to Felix’s with hopes that they will get to meet her one day. Since they knew she didn’t like very expensive items they went for more sentimental value ideas. Seungmin had given her a book that he enjoyed reading and even went out of the way to get her a box of tea he liked. I.N. gave her their Oddinary album book and an unreleased box of photo cards. Changbin had given her a couple of their shirts from the Oddinary merch collection. Han had gifted her a new light stick with a Quokka keychain.
Y/N thanking all the boys for their wonderful gifts had finally reached the last two members. If anyone ever asked her which two she would consider as her biases, she would tell them Chan and Lee Know. While she loves all of the members equally, those two (including Felix) stood out the most to her. One package is bigger than the other, but only by a little. Both feel soft like a pillow and she’s torn over which one to open first. She almost forgets that she’s being recorded. “I don’t know which one to open first.” She laughs to herself. “I have a feeling that there’s more clothing in both of these. I guess I’ll go with this one.” She grabs the slightly smaller one and cuts carefully. Inside is a hoodie and not just any hoodie, one she’s very familiar with. She pulls the letter out and opens it. She’s glad she knows how to speak and read Korean, otherwise she would have to use her phone to translate.
Y/N,
I normally don’t like sending things to people, but for you I will make an exception. Your channel has brought me comfort on days that are hard. I never realized how much they meant to me until I unconsciously found myself looking up your videos. I want to give you this, to have on your bad days. To know that you’re not alone and have people who care about you. I have included a small bottle of my cologne that you can spray on it when my smell starts to fade. I also included a special Leebit plush that hasn’t been released yet. Thank you for being your true self and making others happy.
Sincerely,
Lee Minho
Y/N had tears rolling down her face, but she didn’t go to wipe them. Lee Know didn’t know whether if he went too far or if his gift wasn’t good enough. But she turned to the camera and smiled at it, hoping Lee Know could see her. “리노님 정말 감사드립니다. 너무 마음에 들고 잘 보살펴 드리겠습니다.” He smiled right back. “천만에요.” She grabs a tissue and wipes her face. “Okay this is the last, then I’ll end the video here.” She opens the last package and inside is black jacket with white writing on it. Her eyebrows scrunch together as she looks at it. Once she realizes what it is she looks at the camera with her hands on her hips. “Christopher. Now I know damn well that you better not have spent a lot of money on this jacket. Don’t act like I don’t know my clothing brands, I know just how much this cost and it’s too much.” She shakes her head like a mother would when she’s disappointed in her son. “Good grief. What am I going to do with you, mmhm?” She pulls out the letter and opens it.
Dear Y/N,
I wanted to be honest with you from the start. When Stays first talked about you and how much you were like me, I didn’t know how to feel. I felt like someone was trying to copy me. It didn’t help that the rest of the guys absolutely adored you and talked about you constantly. You were always somewhere in my head, and I couldn’t get you out. I tried but it only seemed to make it worse. It wasn’t until I found you crying your eyes out that it all changed. I’m not saying that you crying is what made me change my views about you, but it made me realize that you’re a human being like me. Seeing you upset made me want to comfort you. You were holding my skzoo to dear life. I let my emotions control my thoughts of a person without getting to know who they were. I wanted to give you something to remember me by. This jacket is actually mine, and I also included something to spray on it when the smell starts to fade. There’s one important item in here that I want you to have. It’s not mine but it’s a replica. I want you to have it and remember that not also are you by our side, but we are by your side too.
Sincerely,
Bahng Christopher Chan ❤️
Y/N’s emotions were all over the place. He was jealous of her because he thought she was copying him. But it changed when he realized that she was a kind person all along?? Chan was definitely feeling the heat from not just waiting for her response but also from the looks on his members faces. They see her pull out a bracelet. It’s the same Stay bracelet that Chan wears. She finally spoke up. “Wow, um I don’t know how to feel about this. I for one appreciate you being honest with me. I don’t understand why you would be jealous of someone you’ve never met, but then again I don’t see things from your point of view. I mean I guess I could understand, if you have people who say that I’m exactly like you. Though that’s not entirely true. Um, I’m kind of at a loss for words right now. I don’t hate it, believe me I don’t. I love the gift, I love all of them. The letter just kind of makes me want to ask, where did I go wrong?”
She looks back up at the camera before continuing. “I’m willing to look past this, as long as you and I can both get along together. And to Stays, please do not go bashing Chan for any reasons. I better not find any of y’all being mean to my boy. I’ll find you.” She points her index and middle fingers to her eyes then to the camera. As if saying ‘I’m watching you.’ “I could see that if it were the other way around, I’m sure that he would react the same way as me if I were him in this situation. But outside of that, I greatly appreciate the gift Chris. Thank you.”
“Thank you all for watching! I hope to have more of these videos up soon. Until then, I will see you next time. Bye!”
End of Flashback
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Present day
Which brings Y/N to today. When she arrived at work, the overhead boss told her that the CEO wanted to see her. She started replaying everything she’s done and nothing stands out. The only thing she could think was something outside of work that had to do with her channel. After her Oddinary review went up, she had received a call from an out of country phone number. She didn’t answer as she didn’t know anyone outside of the States. Maybe besides the email she got from JYP, but there wasn’t a phone number listed.
She had let it go to voicemail, hoping that if it were important that they would leave a message. They left a message and what she heard stunned her.
“안녕하세요, 저는 MNet Digital Studios에서 전화를 겁니다. 나는 여기 입장에 대해 y/f/n과 이야기하기 위해 전화하고 있습니다. 다시 전화해 주시면 감사하겠습니다. 안녕.”
(A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I kind of threw some things together hoping that they’d work. Wasn’t really sure what I wanted each member to gift to the reader, but I hope it makes sense. Anyways there’s more to come!)
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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liquidstar · 2 months
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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fiapple · 3 months
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repeat after me: if you are the descendent of colonizers living on stolen land, you do not get to judge the methods of decolonial resistance movements.
#this isn’t in relation to the last reblog itself it just reminded me of something#thoughts#sarahofmagdelene has some good shorts about this on insta though#like specifically abt how it relates to white feminism + patriarchal notions of (white) womanhood#the skinny of it being that white women tend to impose the standards of white womenhood laid out by white patriarchy onto those who they ar#*womanhood#(​sorry all over the place today)#complicit in the oppression of with the added specifically racialized view of violent resistance through the lens of various savage tropes#have to get a copy of her book after the strike tbh#but yeah i think a lot about this in congruence with how authoritarianism is such a deeply engrained aspect of whiteness & how that itself#contributes to the attitudes being discussed here being so prevalent even among my fellow white people who consider themselves leftist or#progressive (& how that relates to how many white people are liberals/neoliberals posing as being farther left than they are)#but if we were to relate this specifically to the last reblog i would like to point out that another part of that is the whiteness frames#good & bad as an immutable either/or binary & the way super fucked up notions of purity play into whiteness#which (not an excuse absolutely not acting like this is still 100000% white supremacist at its core) is what leads my fellow white people t#be so fearful of having current or past wrong doings pointed out as such & why so many are more concerned with being seen as racist than w#the actual racism they perpetuate/garner privilege from#because that means being horrible with no chance of change (thoug oppressed ppl do 100% hold the right to view their oppressors as such#the white guilt this often leads to when self imposed is what leads to attitudes like the article from the last post describes)#(& so the difference of perspective in the oppressed feeling that way & the oppressor using it to self flagellate is v important here)#& all of this is ultimately rooted in the carcerality inherent to whiteness as a social construct#both in terms of the far worse tangible violence imposed upon poc (particularly black people & fn ppl here in canada) & the carceral view o#morality white “culture” imposes upon those white people who are unwilling to fully do the work to divest from whiteness#hope this is coherent#also if any of this is out of line plz lmk#but basically to cut to the chase power (& as a result empowerment of the oppressed) viewed through the lens whiteness has set for it will#always be fucked up & lead to completely racist conclusions about liberation movements for poc#& the reason i mention this in relation to decolonial movements specifically is due to whiteness being an inherently colonial construct it’#*itself#racism
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tea-cat-arts · 1 year
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Fu Hua and Senti are the only characters that should be allowed to interact with Kevin actually
#honkai impact#kevin kaslana#fu hua#herrscher of sentience#nah cuz they’re the only ones that actually have a dynamic with Kevin#there’s so much history and mutual understanding between Fu Hua and Kevin it’s tragic when they fight#and then theirs Senti who has all of Fu Hua’s memories#when Senti shit talks him it’s usually an intentional bluff or something that’s actually true#so it feels like an actual character interaction instead of people just pulling comments about Kevin out of their asses#for an actual rewrite I’d want Kevin to have an actual dynamic with the main trio#like maybe a sort of rivalry between Kevin and Bronya#where Bronya is frustrated with Kevin repeatedly undercutting her victories#and maybe have Bronya steal Kevin’s piece of Finality directly from him to obtain HoTr form#and maybe have Mei slowly realizing she and Kevin are incredibly similar- each giving up everything they are for a loved one- via ER/EE#and as she finds redemption for herself she decides it’s something she wants to extend to Kevin as well#though this storyline would rely on Mei actually doing something bad as part of World Serpent#for Kiana I think she should’ve been the one to interact with Stigma space Kevin#giving her a direct image of the person he could’ve been if he was given the love and support he needs#idk why I always revert to Mei representing the past Bronya representing the present and Kiana representing the future in my rewrites#but ya- as things stand in canon- Fu Hua and Senti are the only two with any right to judge Kevin
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dawntheduckrb · 5 months
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I'll stop posting wips eventually but it's been five days since I've said anything and I don't want anyone to think I'm dead/dying/stuck in a ditch and withering away, so here's 10% of the reason I disappeared (the duck is stuck in rendering hell) (and my little baby laptop is screaming at me every time I open up this file)
I might still be mostly lurking for a little bit so please be patient with me in the meantime 🙏🙏
#seriously though I'm sorry for just up and disappearing like that#wanna talk to people and interact with them so bad lately but I just can't bring myself to do it#so the best i can manage is blabbing in the tags like always#i don't know wtf is going on but over the past few days I've just felt like i don't deserve to talk to anyone#tried to reblog posts from mutuals several times but something in my head keeps saying;#'yeah they don't actually care for your input at all and you're being a bother for even trying etc etc'#and i know deep down that's probably not true (i hope) but i can't reason it away you know#and i know the best solution to this is to just talk to someone#let it be known that i *did* make an attempt to#i tried texting someone (and succeeded) but i couldn't keep doing it and I'm back at square one (and now feel worse lmao)#i'm not really putting this here for anybody to see it as much as i am for myself#but i know that (hypothetically) this could be seen by a real human so it still kinda feels like I'm reaching out in a way which feels nice#makes me feel less like I'm shriveling up in my own self imposed solitude#so uh hello person who might be reading the tags (there's six of you guys here now which is crazy cause i post nothing but junk here lol)#((but thanks anyway for following and even more thanks for reading this if you did))#i'll make my way around all the posts i missed soon enough don't worry#i'm sorry i'm really not meaning to ignore anybody#i have drafted quite a few posts from moots that i couldn't finish leaving comments on but i have seen them#everyone here is super cool and talented as always <3 whether that be through art or writing or just finding neat posts to share#this wall of text is long enough and i'm very eeby so thank you again for reading this#tldr; not dead and i'll be okay eventually :)#not rb#hey look i didn't post a picture of my dog this time (a crime)#i'll make sure to share one the next time i get a good one
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hella1975 · 1 year
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idk how irl celebrities handle fame at a young age like at seventeen i had a couple hundred people regularly interacting with me and putting me on a pedestal and that almost made me crazy. i see new writers getting attention in fandom and i immediately have to put myself in front of them and start barking. get behind me girl
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gregmarriage · 2 months
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i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way
#like i don’t actually mean to isolate myself i just get lost in doing my own thing#which isn’t bad in itself#but then i find myself feeling sad and idk why#bruh you haven’t spoken to your friends in quite a while#if i was a sim my social bar would be red#but i still don’t wanna talk to people sometimes#like i have to physically force myself just to say ‘hey!#everyone pray for gwen’s social life bc it sucks and isn’t really getting any better even tho i’m trying my hardest#i do wanna push myself more and talk to ppl i’ve always wanted to talk to#but my stupid brain won’t let me#i’m trying to push past it though#it would be nice to make new friends that i then neglect bc i’m bad at friendship#idk maybe that isn’t fair#but i still wouldn’t say i’m great at it#idk i just feel dumb for begging people to talk to me#or even just sending messages to new people#or even my friends who i know won’t judge me but still#idk i’m still sensitive after my episode and i just feel embarrassing and annoying and like i’m bugging people#and i believe them when they say i’m not but it doesn’t stop completely me from feeling that way#literally ‘hey’ feels like i just pissed on the floor in front of them#like god! way to be annoying gwen!!#yes i know it’s my brain talking but literally i use up so much energy trying not to feel it#and so much letting myself feel it#and i only have so much energy as it is#not that it matters#bc most ppl don’t care as long as i check in sometimes#but again i repeat my earlier statement#don’t wanna check in i feel cringe#need friends and communication but cannot maintain them#like the 100th post i’ve made but it’s what my thoughts are currently
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apoptoses · 10 months
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thank you to everyone who left me comments tonight, i really appreciate it and i'll get to them soon ♥ today was really awful but your kind words mean a lot
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choking-on-roses · 3 months
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white-weasel · 5 months
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Do…. Do people actually have an issue with stuff being written in present tense?
#I’ve heard of POV preference but seeing all these posts about how much people dislike present tense#maybe I’m just not an observant reader but I can count the number of times I’ve actively noted a book/fic’s tense on one hand#and almost always it was because I liked how it worked with the author’s writing style#you’re telling me people will consider dropping something JUST because it’s in present tense??#genuinely can someone explain this to me?#I know some people don’t like first person pov because it feels too close and ‘I’ didn’t do anything. the character did#(I don’t really see it that way and don’t mind first person though I prefer third person)#and second person pov is rare and people don’t like it for the same reasons (being told what they as a reader ‘did’)#(I personally like second person pov a LOT but also prefer it to be a little treat actually suited to the story)#but verb tense?? as long as it all works grammatically I don’t see an issue#a lot of the examples I see of how present tense doesn’t work is showing two paragraphs side by side in the past and present#and I will agree that the present reads worse comparatively#but also it’s because the sentences were obviously (at least imo) written and structured for past tense first#and then ‘translated’ to present tense if that makes sense#I personally like how present tense lets me play with my sentences#but also I know that when I play with time and have a character recount past events within their own internal musings I switch tense#which I would think is allowed?? but maybe that’s bad form and I’m proving the point why past tense is ‘superior’#(I don’t really care for fic writing purposes as long as it flows and isn’t distracting but who’s to say)#anyways this was long but yeah. genuinely curious about this one#white weasel talks#tbd probs
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