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baronessblixen · 2 years

Note

Prompt : M&S go to the restaurant in the summer and Scully is wearing Gillian’s flower dress from her recent IG post ? 🥺

Set in late season 6. Sweet fluff today. You can find a pic of the dress on Gillian's IG!

Fictober Day 8 | tagging @today-in-fic @xffictober2022 | Wc: 1673

Blind Date

“A blind date? Mom, I really don't know." Scully chews on her lip, curling a finger around the phone cord.

“Do it for me, please?” Her mom asks. “I want you to be happy, Dana.”

“I am happy,” she says too quickly. It’s not a lie; she isn’t unhappy with her life. Her job fulfills her, she has a home she loves, her family, and a Mulder. Her life may not look like she imagined it when she was younger, but getting married was never a priority for her. Of course, she thought she’d have someone special in her life at her age. Kids maybe, too. Or at least a pet.

“Yes, I know, honey. But it’s just one date. He’s perfect for you.”

“You said that before,” Scully says, remembering a date not too long ago that almost bored her to tears. Halfway through Mulder had called her with a case and she’d never been so glad that someone had been murdered.

“This time it’s different. If it doesn’t work out, I will leave you alone.”

“You promise?”

“Dana, trust me. He’s tall, he’s got brown hair and a charming smile.”

“That could be anyone.”

“He’s a sweetheart and a kind soul. You’re going to love him,” her mother says with a dreamy sigh. “So can I let him know you’ll meet him next Friday?”

“I just don't know."

“One date. Do it for my sake, Dana. I’m not getting any younger.”

“You’re not old, mom.”

“But I am getting older. So?” She won’t give up. Scully takes a deep sigh. Today is Sunday so between now and Friday she might find a reason to call this whole thing off. There’s no harm in saying yes now if it means making her mother happy.

“Fine,” she says and hears her mother cheer on the other end of the line.

“You won’t regret this.”

She’s not so sure about that.

Scully doesn’t believe in conspiracies, but if she did, she’d believe that the universe was against her this week. On Tuesday she and Mulder flew all the way to Tulsa to investigate people behaving strangely. By Thursday afternoon, it was clear that there was no supernatural power at hand. A young sous-chef had merely laced pastries with drugs. That meant they were going home and she had no reason to call off tomorrow’s date with the mystery man.

A tall, dark-haired sweetheart – that is all Scully knows about her date. Her mother said he was around her age and a doctor who works too much. Resting her head against the plane’s window, she considers it. What if her mother is right and this guy really is a good match for her?

She steals a glance at Mulder, who’s flipping through a comic book someone left on his seat. From time to time, he chuckles, his lips curled upwards in a soft smile.

For the longest time, Scully thought that she and Mulder might find a way to turn their friendship into more. First, there was the almost kiss, then there was him telling her he loved her, and the baseball session a few weeks ago. All the moments in between, too. They have years of them under their belt. Yet, every time they move towards more, there’s something that gets in between them. Whether it’s bees, ex-girlfriends or simply work. Now she’s going on a date and if her mother is to be believed, she will meet someone who will fit in her life and enhance it. Someone who is not Mulder.

“You okay?” Mulder asks her and she realizes she’s been staring at him the whole time. “Do you want me to read you some of this? It’s funny.”

“Yes, please,” she says, and true to his word, Mulder starts reading to her from the comic book, making funny noises and chuckling in between. With a smile on her face, Scully listens.

There’s no new case, no pressing report or important meeting that might keep her from her date today. As much as Scully wishes there were. Mulder leaves early, which is unusual for him, and eventually, there’s nothing she can do but go home, too. To get ready for her date.

While they were in Tulsa, her mother let herself into her apartment, leaving a dress and a message for her:

‘I told Dave you’d wear this dress so he’ll recognize you. Have fun, honey.’

Scully takes the dress out of the wrapping and sighs. It’s a beautiful dress, perfect for a first date on a warm summer night.

She showers and puts it on, the soft cotton hugging her figure perfectly. She looks at herself in the mirror, barely recognizing the woman she sees reflected. The flowers on the dress are understated, not too flashy. It’s exactly the kind of dress she would have picked herself. She makes a mental note to thank her mother tomorrow, knowing that she will want to know how the date went.

She enters the cute and cozy Italian restaurant close to her apartment where the date is to take place. Scully wills herself to remain calm, running her sweaty hands over her dress.

“May I help you?” A waiter greets her with a welcoming smile.

“I’m here for a date,” she admits, heat shooting into her cheeks.

“Ah yes. Ms. Scully, I presume?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Follow me. Your date is already here.”

If the waiter says more, Scully doesn’t hear it. Her heart is pounding in her chest, and then, when she sees her date, his expression as surprised as what she’s sure her own face displays, it might just stop for a moment.

“Mulder?” She asks, her voice shrill. “This is my date? Are you sure?”

“Um, yes. This is- I can check, but… I don’t think we made a mistake, ma’am.”

“Don’t worry,” Mulder says to the waiter. “I just have that effect on women.” The waiter quickly runs off and Scully sits down opposite Mulder.

"You look beautiful, Scully," he says, his voice full of awe, but she can't believe this is happening. How can Mulder be her date?

“Did you know?” She asks him, reaching for his glass and taking a huge gulp, needing the ice cold water. He shakes his head, but he’s grinning.

“I had no idea, but I probably should have. Scully, your mother is a mastermind.”

“She lured you here.”

“She did. She said she had something important to discuss with me concerning your birthday and that it had to be in person.”

“Mulder my birthday is in February.”

“That should have been my first clue. What did she say to you?” She blushes furiously. Mulder isn’t here for a date. He wasn’t told he’d meet the love of his life, his soulmate, the woman who might complete him like a puzzle piece that was missing.

“Scully?”

“A blind date,” she admits, avoiding his eyes.

“Oh, this is too funny.”

“Thanks,” Scully mumbles. So much for this being her perfect man. What was her mother thinking?

“No, you don’t understand,” he says, and she nods because she really doesn’t. "I think your mom... I think she did this on purpose."

"Yes, but why?" Scully asks him, taking in his appearance for the first time. He's freshly shaven and wearing a black sweater. He looks good. Very good.

"Maybe she thought we deserved a nice dinner."

"But she said... nevermind. She called you Dave," Scully says, laughingly shaking her head. "I can't believe she did this."

"You're not mad, are you?"

"No," she says. "I just don't understand why she said this was a date."

"It can be," Mulder says.

"You don't need to humor me," Scully replies, reaching for the menu.

"I'm not, I... I'm glad it's you. I'm glad your mom did this for us. I think she knew that I- I might have let it slip that I'm interested."

"Interested," Scully repeats slowly.

"In you. In this. Maybe we needed that final push. Unless you're not interested in me."

"I am," she admits, feeling like a 16-year-old. "You know I am."

"I was hoping you'd say that. Mother always knows best, huh?"

"Guess she got tired of waiting for us to figure it out ourselves."

"Can't blame her," Mulder says, grinning. "Come on, let's eat and show your mom we know how to date."

The next morning her mother calls early - earlier than Scully would have expected - and is full of childish glee.

"How was it?" She asks, not even saying good morning.

"Dave didn't show up," Scully says, taking a sip from her freshly brewed coffee. It's needed this morning, since she didn't sleep much the night before.

"What? But I thought..." Her mother's voice breaks her heart and Scully knows she can't keep it up.

"You could have just told me it was Mulder, mom."

"So he was there? You had a great night?" Scully smiles to herself, rembering. There are some things she won't tell her mom.

"We did."

"I wasn't wrong, was I? You and Fox."

"You weren't wrong," Scully admits, watching as Mulder pads into the kitchen, wearing a shirt and his boxers. His hair is wild, his eyes red and small, but he's grinning from ear to ear.

"I'm so happy, Dana. I felt you two needed some help. So I can set an extra plate for Fox tomorrow?"

"You want Mulder to come to Sunday dinner?" She looks at him as she repeats her mother's words and he nods at her.

"I do. Please tell him he's welcome to join us."

"I will. Thank you, mom. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

"Love you, too, honey. And give my love to Fox. Bye."

"So Sunday dinner," Mulder says once she's hung up the phone. He's playing with her fingers, seemingly needing to touch her, despite them being inseparable since last night.

"You're ready for Sunday night dinner with my family?"

"I'm ready for all of it, Scully," he says, kissing her softly.

#fictober2022 #posting from mobile is such a hassle #i apologize for the additional spelling and grammar mistakes #msr #xf fanfic #my writing #my fic

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catofadifferentcolor · 8 months

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Random Old Guard Thoughts (1/?): Movie Timeline

As I've often stated, loudly and repeatedly, I tend to hyperfixate on details very few other people would consider important. Case in point: What is the timeline of The Old Guard (2020)?

I don't mean the pre-canon timeline - what these characters were doing at any given point in the last thousand years, though that too is something I've given far too much thought to - but the actual timeline of the events of the movie.

Now, we can pretty safely say the events take place in early 2019, as:

In the scene outside the mine in Val d'Argent, Nile's phone gives the date as Sunday, April 21.

The Frank Ocean song "Godspeed" Nile listens to at Camp Leatherneck was released in 2016.

The years in which April 21 falls on Sunday after this song was released are: 2019, 2024, 2030, and 2047.

Presuming that the movie is set during the War in Afghanistan, which ended August 20, 2021, this leaves 2019 as the only possible year the movie could take place. (Or, since the war went on for nearly two decades and the Doha Accords were not signed until February 29, 2020, it could have been intended to be set in a possible near-future at filming, but that seems against the general historicity of the movie/comics.) This is also the year the movie was shot during, so it seems most likely.

Sunday, April 21, 2019 is coincidentally Easter, which seems like a good date to set events involving resurrection and immortality, as well as to sneak your unwilling human test subjects into your usually bustling pharmaceutical company headquarters. (Though why you'd carry out your morally dubious research in your HQ is another matter.)

Seems simple enough. However, the incident in South Sudan takes place during a full moon - there's a nice lingering shot of it early in the movie, so it's not just some stage light shining through a window - and the last full moon before Easter 2019 is Friday, April 19. (Good Friday, coincidentally.)

We do have a bit of wiggle room. The moon rising at 6:19 pm in Juba on the night of Thursday, April 18 probably looked close enough to full to count. The one rising at 5:25 pm on Wednesday, April 17 might've too. But the question remains: even if we push the rescue operation back to the night of April 17-18, is it even possible for someone moving covertly to get from a contested war zone in Central Africa to another in Central Asia in time to make it to Northern France the next night?

Because the way I see it:

Sunday, April 21 is the hard date. Andy, Nile, and Booker leave Val d'Argent around sunrise on this day (6:31 am) and drive to Copely's house in Surrey. Google tells me this is a 774 km drive, which should take 8:45 hours. There must have been some sort of border check regardless of whatever passports were used as the UK never was part of the Schengen Area - and possibly a stop for weapons after. (Even if we shave off a few hours speeding on empty holiday roads, London sunset was 8:06 pm that day and there's nothing to imply Nile and Copley waited overnight to stage their rescue. Andy and Booker can't have been in the labs longer than four hours.)

Andy, Booker, and Nile leave Goussainville at night. If they took the most direct route to Val d'Argent (and I don't see why they would), that is a 465 km drive, which should take 5 hours. They arrive at the cave in daylight - between 7 am and 9 pm that time of year - and Andy leaves again for the town at dark. This tells me their arrival in Val d'Argent is sometime Saturday, April 20.

It is night when the guard are attacked in Goussainville. This is likely the morning of Saturday, April 20, but can be any time between sunset (8:50 pm) the day before and sunrise (6:54 am) that morning.

Andy and Nile are shown arriving at Goussainville in daylight. This could, theoretically, be any number of days before the attack, but given the clothes it's probably Friday, April 19. Also, unless we dream each other isn't an every night thing, Nile would probably have gotten Quỳnh's story earlier if it wasn't.

It is daylight on a train in Central Africa when Andy, Booker, Joe, and Nicky first dream of Nile. This could, theoretically, be any number of days after the mission in South Sudan, but I get the feeling it's meant to be the morning after - which, accounting for the moon, would be Thursday, April 18.

Is it physically possible to travel from South Sudan to Afghanistan to France in, at maximum, 39 hours? Probably. If you managed direct flights it would be something like 15 hours total plus a couple hours driving. But can it actually be done? Can you jump off a train in the middle of nowhere, find a single woman on a military base in another country with nothing but a picture and half a name, and get yourself and your companion to another continent in what's realistically more like 30 hours? All while keeping out of sight of an ex-CIA operative and, presumably, the US military?

I don't know. It sounds like the start of a Top Gear special - and initially I was going to argue that it couldn't be done. I was going to argue that the South Sudan mission had to occur during the March 20 full moon for the timing to work... but maybe not. Maybe it can be done. I'd love to know.

Which, I suppose, is a long way to travel to determine the date of Nile's first death: some time between sunrise in Central Africa and sunset in Central Asia on Thursday, April 18, 2019.

#the old guard #tog #random thoughts #rant #thoughts

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fuck-customers · 2 years

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this happened on easter but im submitting it now bc the sweet sweet consequences of someone's actions are catching up to them, 3 weeks later. long story, tl;dr at bottom

I work at my church, one of the youngest staff members there, and i set things up and tear them down on sundays, as well as making coffee and setting out muffins and the like for the congregants. on Easter sunday we have a "sunrise" service in addition to our normal services, so instead of being there at 7 am i need to be there at 4 am, 2 hours for setup, and i'm the first one there.

this is normal and fine, i have my headlamp as i have to set up chairs outside and it's still dark, the outdoor lights are mostly for ambience, and don't actually give off too much light. I also have a pot of coffee (for the staff) brewing bc otherwise it's very rare for someone besides me or the cleaning crew (a third party who is there at 5am 3x a week to clean the grounds) to be there anywhere near this early.

this is all setup, the actual fuck-customers comes in for the 11 am service, by which point there is likely enough caffeine in my system to kill a small child, and i'm exhausted from carrying the heavy chairs and tables and running back and forth to put out the metaphorical fires. i haven't eaten yet bc i haven't had a chance, so i tell my partner for the day (i get someone to help me on easter sunday, but they show up at 7 and was doing his own job that i asked of him) to finish something, which he does, while i take my allotted 45 min break during the service to go and get some actual food from a nearby cafe.

i walk back in, to my office, with a last few bites from my food. this woman, whom i've never seen before, follows me into the office area (staff only) and accosts me for "abandoning my station"

i told her politely that i had been here since very early to work, and that i have a break built into my job. she continues to insist that i messed up, despite the fact that i don't have any idea who she is and she is not in charge of me in any way. my actual boss, one of the reverends, walks past my office and asks what is going on, pacified the Karen and then asked me what actually happened, to which i told her.

This previous sunday, the lady comes in again and begins to nag me again, despite the fact that i'm actually doing my job as she finds me this time, for some perceived slight. once again, my boss walks in (this is the kitchen this time) and tells her that what Karen is demanding is A: not part of my job and B: disrespect of the staff is not allowed and she needs to leave. Karen guffaws at this, i'm assuming she's not used to being told "no" and finds the main reverend for backup, except the main reverend defers to my boss, the second in command, for this sort of thing, so she has to leave.

the greeters are now told that she is not welcome for continuing to mistreat staff and ministers alike, which i've never seen done in working here for 6 years.

TL;DR: random lady coming into the church i work at corners me after i come back from lunch after working for 8 hours, then three weeks later she corners me as i'm working and my boss effectively bans her from the church.

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talesfromtrigadora · 20 days

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Timing

When you have a bad boss, there's always a part of you that hopes you'll get to witness their eventual downfall. Samantha was one of those bad bosses. She was only an assistant, but she seemed to pride herself on making her team members miserable. I was lucky when it came to my dealings with her because I happened to only work with her and our manager, which kept some of the worst of her habits in check, but I knew from hearing the whispers and the quiet no call/no show quits that she changed quite drastically the moment our manager left for the day.

I wasn't looking forward to our manager heading out of town for the weekend. It meant that I would finally get the brunt of Samantha's attention since we were scheduled to work the entire morning both Saturday and Sunday together. I had been hearing in the break room and on the front end of the store that she was looking forward to the chance to "finally put her in her place." The ways she was apparently going to achieve this ranged from straight-up harassment (constantly bossing me around, setting me up for failure, etc) to passive aggressive neglect (leaving me alone on register no matter how long the line got or abandoning me at the returns desk to deal with all the complaints). From the specifics, these were all things she had done to other people.

Showing up fifteen minutes early for my Saturday shift wasn't my habit. When I opened with our manager, she encouraged me to stop for coffee on my way in, claiming she liked me caffeinated and the couple minutes of quiet more than she liked me early. I wasn't exactly changing my habit with any hope of it making a good impression on Samantha, but having a few minutes of quiet for myself just seemed like a good way to start the day. I was not happy to see Samantha's car already in the parking lot, and especially didn't like seeing Samantha herself standing next to my usual spot with her arms crossed, foot tapping, and pale face bright red with what I could only imagine was anger.

"Where the hell have you been?" she said the moment I got out of my car. "You were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago!"

I kept my face blank as she shoved her phone in my face. The schedule -- which I had looked at last night to confirm I was still scheduled at my normal time -- showed that I was now working 6am-5pm instead of my usual 6:30am-3pm. She continued to berate me for my lateness as I followed her inside.

Inside was not the usual bustle of other team members in transition nor the quiet of a too early, waiting-for-the-caffeine-to-kick-in openers. Instead, those team members who were already present were gathered in a circle in the main entrance to the break room. Most had their arms crossed, expressions of uncertainty on their faces. That uncertainty was all directed at a petite red-head who seemed to have gathered the circle.

"That's Mindy's boss's boss," Samantha said with that entitled, all-knowing tone she adopted far too often about far too many insignificant things. "I'm sure she'll be thrilled you're late."

The boss's boss's boss smiled at them when they found spots in the circle. "I think we're just waiting for one more person, then I'll explain why I'm here."

I used the delay to take another look at the team members who were present. I recognized almost none of them, which mean they were closers. It was clear from how they acted toward Samantha (not to mention in how she acted toward them) that the common theme here was her.

The one more person showed up, someone no one except the big boss seemed to know, and the big boss clapped her hands together once to get everyone's attention even though she had never once lost it. "All right. I think only Samantha knows who I am, so very quickly I'm Felicity Sharp and I am the regional manager, so Mindy's boss's boss. The person who just joined us," she gestured at the new comer, who had taken a seat out of the way but now smiled and gave a small wave, "is Georg Pollar, one of our many representatives from our Human Resources department. We are here partially because of Mindy being on vacation this weekend, but mostly because it has come to our attention that there are some serious concerns from all of you about how your assistant, Samantha Connors, has been treating you, treatment that myself and Georg have actually witnessed over this past week. We are here to solve this behavior problem right now."

Samantha went quite abruptly from smug to pale to bright red. And all I could do was thank God for His timing.

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theorist-influencer-untitled · 1 month

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3.31.24 Sunday

2:16 am

I still have windblow....I feel self-pity...17 years I wasn't able to have life... I feel bad is Mark nearby? I will feel HURT!

I'm aging for nothing... My life is useless for 17 years.... They took away my story and timeline. Worst of all,they violated my self-esteem...

I was supposed to be having a good life and with someone or working but still able to have a perfect beauty...

2:39 am

I have windblow!!!

Still, can't sleep....I knew it,they make it too long like this 17th year of this windblow....To make me ugly and fat or worst bad people wanted me to fade out which is hurting me so much!!!

I feel fat and ugly now... If I can't see Mark, but I'm longing even on Mitchang missing and worrying so much on her,that I can't understand.

2:53 am

It is just weird if Mitchang went somewhere... Though, probably she gave me a "simple battery" accidentally....But still she is Yuui....

I mentioned this anime coz it is like me and Mitchang. This is about "religion" on 4 corners of the universe.

But me as Miaka, I have a different maturity now... I mature like a real adult but I'm a trap or still trap???

Mitch is a priestess of Born Again and I was a priestess supposed to be of my old religion Church Of Christ. But Mark stay away from Mitch if I'm not around coz they are both Born Again...

youtube

3:01 am

I still have windblow but on the anime lyrics it is "echo"... I'm proud to be a Roman Catholic....I switched to Roman Catholic.

If Mitchang got the "Phoenix", it is fine coz I got it first...But there is one higher than Phoenix, there is God.... The Red God...○☆♡♤◇♧●

3:12 am

Miaka ask for duplication but on the men or man that I like...

Yuii protected Miaka, she must know Miaka's men....Mitchang, we are on a difficult phase.

Duplication on other me Mitchang... But it doesn't mean we will be fat and ugly... I don't wanna be ugly and fat...

" On 4 corners of the universe and On great Gods on 4 directions, I ask to safe Mitchang and the people who truly love me...Duplicate the rabbit in a good way... Make them a good rabbit friend and guide me and Mitchang to bless them, when we meet".

youtube

3:24 am

Love the good rabbit and be rabbit and be good!!! 69...

youtube

5am

I still have windblow...

Whew! Hearing the chicken early in the morning plus John is howling...

Plus, thinking of something... Can't sleep... Is Mark nearby??? Hmm....It is unfair... It this longing... I will feel HURT if he is just somewhere nearby and without telling me...

youtube

6:56 am

I still have windblow.... Awaken by the windblow... I really wanna leave, Cavite....Where is Mitchang?

I wanna see Mark? I need him now coz I sense the he is somewhere nearby? I need some answers...

I feel fat and ugly....I wanna do nose perfection and gluta....I feel bad... They didn't fix me Mark for 17 years they want me to be ugly. I feel jealous if there are other women...

I don't want Mark, if ever to have any link in Cavite women who will just plan to smash me.

My Eureka electric kettle died today, awhile ago. When I plugged it in, it suddenly bursted out...I need to buy one..... It burst-out after 6 years... Probably symbolism of my volcano, longing to burst out... But my volcano it's been flat for 17 years... I feel bitter about it... It made me feel ugly and fat... It violated my self-confidence.

7:17 am

I hate a girl friend, this is not about Mitch.... Other old girl friends who tracked down my exes and fucked them for what purpose? They did it at my back,it is PAINFUL!

Another example I will fuck Mark these days and I feel jealous... Then, if ever Mark got a cousin an old girl friend or a women from Cavite will get his cousin,I will still get mad. Why? Coz that will be my family, why will someone will link on Mark or on his relative cousins coz Mark's cousin are all just like him white and chinky eyes and pretty for sure. It is foul that someone from Cavite or from other group who will get in into my target bf's family or my actual BF. Meaning if ever on Mark I'm holding all of their Penises!!!

Mark wherever you are, tell all of your cousins that I'm holding all of your penis!!!Don't let other women enter without my blessing...

10:10 am

Still have windblow... I wanna leave Cavite... I feel bitter...

Oh! Good thing my Eureka Electric Kettle is still working, it was fixed by Kuya Efren and Christian awhile ago... Thank God! I still have it for my coffee...

I feel frustrated... My personal issue, I really feel fat and ugly....They violated my life timeline and my self-esteem and I lost a bf... I feel bad...

Is Mitchang somewhere??? Did she give me a "simple battery"??

What about Mark? Is he as well a Mickey Mouse??? I sense an energy...

Plus, I need money these days...I still have 205 pesoses credits on Ely,until when will I reach to pay a song number.... Ten Thousands pesoses?

My 2 Uncle's can't help me angels...

Anyways, I'm longing on Mark and if my sad heart can't see him....I feel bad here in Cavite. I sense an unfair control...

I wanna be with a Barbie's face but I want that guy be supportive of my vanity.Like for example Pilot Garret ,but I hate being smash down on beauty...

10:41 am

I'm frustrated on my starbucks everyday and my vanity and my future timeline with someone... I have a windblow and I feel bad here in Cavite...

I haven't traveled for 17 years, I feel self-pity... I can't get a circle of friends.... I feel self-pity... I want to have my own life and my own future...

I wanted to have a career but some people are always damaging me... I can be an artist for a job but some hated me. I want my own niche...

I feel so fat and ugly, so stagnant and so cheap here! I wanna leave Cavite... I want some progress...

Can't buy my coffee machine... Can't go back to my original stuff...

3:01 pm

I still have windblow... I feel bitteŕ, I'm not satisfied being flatten unfairly by an unknown group???

What did they do? Did they give me a simple battery?

Is mitchang somewhere, accidentally push me on the cliff??? I need to see her again angels...

Mark, will hurt me if he is just nearby,since 2007? But still I must know everything...

My sad heart will end if I get my bf and leave this place, Cavite... I feel jealous...

3:41 pm

Still,have windblow...Self-pitying coz of this flatness no art at all or no glamour or lil glow made me self-pity... I want more flavored coffee and dream to have coffee machine in my future house with someone.... On Mark or Pilot Garret??But I wanna keep my vanity in spite of those timeline that I can have as a couple... I want a better life not being cheap like this....

I want my man to understand that I wanna be a Queen Kind... I feel jealous for not having a LIFE that is righful for me....

Anyways, I'm on "Santa Clarita Diet and True Blood"....

Wishing to leave this place... I feel fat and ugly here...

I feel HURT!!!

I wanna gain friends on the upper part but will keep the good ones on the down side, of course...

I'm not happy anymore...I need a foot spa as well...

8:37 pm

Thanks Ely for these again...

235 now...

Let's wait for 😚🤗 10k to give him a song number if I still don't have cash ...

8:39 pm

I really wanna leave Cavite... I feel self-pity... I wanna buy starbucks everyday...

Is Mark really somewhere nearby? I have windblow.... I can't get a new bf Mark, suddenly I feel that you are just nearby observing and hurting me again... Are you hurting me again???

If I can see Pilot Garret my problems will go away in a snap of a finger....Though, I'm longing to see Mark coz I feel his energy... It is not cheating, it is being a woman....Deciding and making decision. Sometimes, I feel violated on that... I don't feel pretty and I don't feel loved...

8:59 pm

I have windblow... I have so many mixed-up emotions....Why, I can't get a bf for 17 years? Am I ugly? I know, I'm not ugly, though I still need perfection coz I'm becoming wasted...

I feel irritated....I feel violated! I wanna go with Mark now, I wanna leave Cavite...

I'm resting now, shit! I need to wash John's floor mats....I'm self-pitying...

Why, I can't get a bf that I like and mutual with me....Why, I can't see Mark....Sometimes I'm so fucking jealous of Carmela, her love story but it was too much insanity...

9:11 pm

I don't like a tragic love affair... I don't want insanity.... I don't wanna be Carmela coz I still have my "love handles",my butt got some blemish now.... But what is my point? If I get rape then will be killed by someone, I hope he is handsome and wealthy.... But it is so fucking embarassment if I die on the floor then there will be crime tape here... Police and media will take a photo of my love handles and blemish butt and not so perfect feet and inguinal...That's a double dead,angels...

youtube

9:32 pm

Where is Mark? Why, I can't geta bf? Mark will you hurt me again? I have mixed-up...

How can I get a bf? I feel violated...I'm losing my self-confidence.

John keeps on humping me ....Heat moment...

#Youtube

0 notes

janiestumb · 6 months

Text

Tokyo

Yesterday’s early morning rain and wind made for a humid, sunny mid-morning. Yesterday’s 7-10am weather event was truly the only weather wrinkle in an unexpectedly warm trip thus far. So I won’t even remotely complain. But I had planned to take the train to Kamakura at 8am and hike to Buddhist and Shinto shrines in the wilderness early so I could make my way back to Tokyo for a pre-planned omakase at 6.

I, of course, did consider hiking in the rain. Because I’m nuts here. More on that later. But when the unfriendly weather and time crunch forced a pivot, I decided to listen to reason (Pee Wee) and escape the heat in some of Tokyo’s truly overwhelming number of museums (dedicated to art! origami! military weapons! packaging!) and continue to do what I love most here. Walk and walk and walk and and walk. And walk and walk. And walk. And have a coffee and charge my phone. And find a bakery and eat bread. And think and look and go "wow" and take a picture. And walk and walk.

At about 10am, I was making my way north toward a museum complex in Ueno when I found myself sweaty, frizzy and self-conscious in the modern, airy business district of Toranomon.

From the moment I arrived in Tokyo, I have felt incredibly out of place here. Not just for my phenotype, but because I am dressed like a piece of shit. That said — despite sticking out, no one in Tokyo has given me even the slightest sense that I don’t belong or any sense of judgment. This is internal. I keep expecting France-style side-eye and getting none!

Before coming here, I of course knew that Tokyo style would be cool, but I am still blown away. People are dressed breathtakingly, stunningly simply and chicly. Not just some people. All people. I mean it.

The common cut of women’s clothes is loose but well-fitted, modest and refined. Not a lot of extraneousness. No prints. No logos. Nothing flashy. Just clean, interesting, modern but classic, and perfect.

“Loose” for locals is not for me. I learned this the fun way a few days ago when I tried on a pleated skirt with an elastic waist at a boutique in one of my favorite new areas, Nekameguro. Already feeling like a hulking ogre in my clunky hiking shoes, dirty shorts and anything-but-understated backpack, I squeezed the skirt over my hips and it squinched my stomach like a hairband. I pulled back the dressing curtain and signed to the shop clerk, “bigger?”, making a circle with my thumbs and pointers and then expanding. She shook her head. “Only one.”

Yes, stores sometimes carry only one size, and that size is too small for me.

So there I was, yesterday, in my extremely non-modest leggings showing off my above-average-for-this-city size, feeling self-conscious that I brought a short, purple rain jacket when that is simply not the cut nor color here, and I was wondering about the salary men.

At every corner in the large district of Minato City, there are groups of men waiting for the walk signal (no jay-walking here) in extremely expensive-looking suits, all going to or from this office or that. Where are they going? What do they do all day?

Sometimes you travel to a place and wish you lived there (Portugal), but this is not one of those places for me. I am obsessed with this city. My heart and mind are expanding at an untenable pace, but I have no desire to live here because I recognize that my life as an outsider is totally different than that of someone living here with a career.

Work-life balance in Tokyo is notoriously tough. My dinner host from Sunday (who I have to devote an entire other blog post to) told me that her late husband used to come home at 11pm and leave for work again at 7am. You get PTO, but never for more than a week at a time, and then sometimes you have to cover for a coworker, so actually just forget it. Time off is never a guarantee. But for me? Without travel, I would be dead.

What’s unbelievably moving to me, in contrast, is that wedged between the modern office buildings, and skyscrapers and businesses and monuments to capital, there are extremely old, fucntional shinto shrines.

And as people come and go throughout their day, they actually use those shrines. They follow the ritual — cleansing their hands and mouths when they enter, bowing, clapping, praying, then bowing again at the exit. Imagine if you were in New York on a Tuesday at 10am, hustling your way from the gynecologist on E 72nd to your office at a media company on 23rd, and on the way you stopped for a quick traditional prayer. It’s breathtaking to see.

Some very brief, reductive info on Shinto - it’s not something you can convert to. It’s Japan’s native belief system. Japanese people can practice it along with Buddhism. Not at odds. I told my host I loved the shrines and she asked if I could even enter because I’m Judeo-Christian. (This is not an unreasonable question! I googled it. Some Christians feel they can not!) My version of spirituality is “all roads lead to the same place and g-d is everywhere.” If I don’t have to pray to a deity or through an intermediary, it’s a go.

Anyway, every day of my life, I feel like I have to make up for lost years, for time spent dealing with death, for giving away my life to career paths that spat on me and a dude who sucked, for actually never having PTO because I was full-time but freelance (still mad), and of course COVID. This is my first non-working vacation in a really really really really long time. And I haven’t had PTO in about a decade.

Yesterday, contemplating what work is all for, I texted my friend “But what do salary men do?” He responded, “I think we are salary men.”

Here’s the thing — he is right.

I had a career pivot this year. I officially stuck the landing of re-entering the full-time employee corporate sphere, selling my soul for health insurance, but the tradeoff for benefits has been that I find myself having to wake up at 7am, sign on and work until 6pm, without ever having the chance to even change into real clothes. I’m still falling behind somehow, and the stress is horrible. (Funny enough, my large mega-corp is based out of Japan.)

I think that’s part of why this trip feels like I’ve been shot out of a rocket. All I do all day long is sit sit sit. Every day is the same. There’s no movement. There’s no meaning. No nothing. Lately, it’s been actually kind of stupidly bad because all that’s consuming me beyond the drudgery of whatever I’m doing is the barrage of horror in the world and my sadness over the way the government is handling it and people are handling it online, my disillusionment with what it means to be progressive, and America slipping further and further into a country of hateful, gun-toting mavericks without any hope for socialized medicine. The tension between my desire to have a family and not wanting to be stuck with some loser partner, no longer being able to travel the way I like, and also wanting to throw up at the thought of what a kid being raised in our modern world has to face. To step away from that right now made me feel worried and guilty, but it has been wonderful.

And life in LA is obviously as good as it gets in America, but don’t come for me, I still think it mostly sucks. It isn’t a city for walkers. It isn’t a city for exploring. It’s a city of cars. I hate traffic and freeways and repetitiveness. And a lot of the time, I feel a weird tension with it.

[Redacted rant about LA because no one cares]

But then, to land in Tokyo. And find a New York meets Paris but way bigger, extremely safe, quiet, clean and tremendous and its entirely own thing that is so fucking pretty and cool and interesting with a phenomenal history feels like shooting off the starting block. I’m flying.

My hips are aching, my lower back is tight and my already-calloused heels have blisters. Despite my brain wanting to keep going going going going every night, at some point I have been forced to stop exploring and assess if I should rest.

I feel this spiritually too. I’m 37 and making up for lost travel time. I’m making up for all the places I haven’t yet seen and trees I haven't touched and people I haven't met and wondering when I’ll get to go back to each place I only see for the first time. My physical ability and my being alive are not guaranteed for one second longer than this moment. Soon, will I be forced to rest?

There are places I go - like here - that my mom would have loved but she never made it. I grieve her so much when I travel. She’d be proud of me. She’d know this person I become when I travel - someone who’s more curious, humble and brave - as me. There’s certain things she said to me that I carry with me when I travel, that nailed the exact kind of person in and of this world I want to be.

I always wish she was with me. She is, but she isn’t. There’s an awe I feel that I get to experience anything at all.

And every day in Japan, I’ve felt what the Portuguese call saudade, a unique nostalgia. For me, it’s for the fact that this trip will end and I’ll be back in my stupid chair 13 hours a day and then trudging through traffic to get to an office in Culver City and back. I’ll be wishing I was traveling. I’ll be feeling like each day is meaningless.

But I’ll get PTO.

Until then, I am simply here — and in life —needing to go and go and go until the wheels fall off.

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waitingformyfavoritesongs · 1 year

Text

29 April 2023 Saturday 6:07 pmpt

this is it. I’m dead he attacked my brain again with acid in the back. And I’m feeling not balanced? Light headed ? Slight dizzy. Summer 2002 I had biology retake. I got a “D” grade Bcz I was too into “Brendan”. That summer 2002 I was busy all day probably every day (auto save green right Britt butt bone 🦴 acid hot) both arms and legs 🦵 got swollen engles itchy painful HOT for probably all of July and august? I forget. I remember it was hot and wore skirts Bcz it was unbearable with the swollen rashes . Some people thought it was red tide. I remember some days going home after class and sleeping 😴 after taking antihistamines. In the morning I would try to do homework 📚 at my sisters friends house 🏠. The brother of my sisters friend who is now dead ☠️ told me I could be a doctor 👩‍⚕️ if I do well in biology 🧬 class. 6:12 pmpt I think I was TOO busy that summer. 6:13 am pt

The part above was an evening entry 7:27 am pt 30 April 2023 Sunday ⛅️

incubus doesn’t treat (left hip bone 🦴 pain) me in a loving way. He likes to make me appear dirtier than I have been in all sorts of ways. They come in and make messes and destroy things. They come in and make my bed 👃 smell bad, even the part my butt never touched and it’s got thick pad and towel on top of it. They’re always playing dirty. Maybe the biggest lie god ever told was a love song 🎵- that men have the capability to love 💗 someone else who aren’t themselves. I once talked to a guy and he said that the bond a man 👨 had with his children 👶 is fake. I don’t even remember what prompted it. 7:32 am pt he probably had a strained relationship with his father (right butt cheek hot 7:32 am pt) who lived in Texas and I have never been to Texas. 7:33 am pt

7:38 am pt if a man cannot be monogamous due to genetics 🧬 then how did early 👂 man 👨 survive? Without monogamy would he ever stick around to any family if he was presented with multiple opportunities? In some cultures women’s jealousy is noted in polygamy. Anthropology stuff. 7:40 am pt does that mean man 👨 is incapable of loyalty? Fidelity (definition?)? 7:41 am pt. (John cusack high fidelity 7:41 am pt) 7:42 am pt without a sense of loyalty, without love 💗, does that mean men are incapable of both loyalty and love 💗 and friendship? I guess so. If they’re incapable of being monogamous, which means men fake love 💗 all the time, which is why god is capable of cruelty towards women. 7:44 am pt

7:45 am pt with women’s jealousy it would make it harder for a man to be polygamous, which would probably mean complete abandonment. 7:46 am pt (acid back of mouth 👄 pain throat)

7:50 am pt it’s easy for men to abandon women Bcz they don’t have to get pregnant 🤰. And if women want to play and not get pregnant 🤰 we are labeled as whores, too, Bcz we have to take the blame for a man 👨 who is capable of self control but chooses not to control himself. 7:52 am pt (hot brain 🧠 pain 7:53 am pt)

8:08 am pt I am near to the point of losing something. This delay in all things revealed looks like I have been definitely been set up 🆙 to die Bcz if I go to the hospital 🏥 they will probably kill me. 8:10 am pt it’s far too late for god to save face now to the all the women in the world 🌎 except to make me look like the devil I guess. I have never been rich 🤑 so the opportunity is very limited for me. And I had learning disability so my capacity to think 💭 had been meddled with. So how does he prove that he actually tested me? An experiment 🔬 with control variable? Acid throat pain 8:13 am pt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ it seems you have to take his word on it that it was my genuine self doing something bad (right arm hot pain 8:13 am pt) that I wasn’t a zombie 🧟‍♀️. 8:14 am pt

8:19 am pt anus sharp acid pain 8:20 am pt I had a sh*tty life (acid brain 🧠 pain) I would think 💭 someone w/o a sh*tty life could be tested fully w/o financial restraints and mental restraints and physical restraints. Autocorrect when was typing 💬 sh*tty: lord am i; shin shame. 8:23 am pt (acid brain 🧠 pain a minute ago 8:24 am pt. ) 8:25 am pt

2:16 pm pt I experienced a lot of pain and cruelty from people the last 6 years. A fake oxygen (autocorrect: warning, acid 2:18 pmpt) detection machine enabled them all to pretend they didn’t know better and to ignore me every time I said I couldn’t breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️. Whoever created those machines had the intention to be cruel. Therefore hypothesis: if the creators of the machine also “claimed” they wrote stereo hearts ♥️, they’re probably lying 🤥 about writing ✍️ the song 🎵 in the song they say I thought 💭 love 💗 was dead ☠️ but you’re changing my mind. This oxygen detection machine is not love. It’s cruelty. And deception. 2 bad traits to have together. 2:23 am pt (acid brain 🧠 pain 2:23 pmpt) someone I forgot what I was going to write ✍️ 😖😭 love is dead with a man like that. 2:24 pmpt

2:38 pmpt sometime my first year at UCB 2007-008 (head pain 2:39 pmpt feel like weird in head) I accidentally sent Brendan lean an invite to join Facebook even though he already had one. The same box alternated btwn invite and another option maybe it was to search 🔦 Facebook with that email address. 2:40 pmpt. I think that was if my hypothesis is correct, it is the Amar Malik Brendan lean connection catalyst. Ammmar Amalia said he was a dog walker in New York. Brendan leans sister had Pomeranian dogs 🐶, Brendan said he walked them sometimes I think 💭 hard to remember but he definitely Mentioned them and being at her house 🏠 when he was logged in once on aol. 2:43 pmpt

2:46 pmpt brain 🧠 pain. “Brendan” also said he worked at wentworth gallery and I think 💭 he said he was there once when we interacted. I tried to ask Steve decker/Sieone if he worked there but he didn’t answer yet. As long as Steve never used isieone98i aol.com I think 💭 I should believe it wasn’t him. His website was linked on the a( right knee pain 😖😭 2:51 pmpt) aol profile. Brendan behan MySpace was once public probably by accident and I saw 👀 it looked authentically to be lean’s profile. It had connections to other profiles: his sister, an exgf? Ashley, a bunch of wedding 👰 photos. The Facebook looked like it was authentically his, too, showing off he was dating Jackie an identical twin, he grew out hair in to like an Afro. Head pain. 2:55 pmpt I’m afraid 😱 he migh Shoot me: big boi Levine Instagram pictures. 2:56 pmpt

3:20 pmpt after I accidentally sent the Facebook invite I could not find his Facebook profile on a following day. My only conclusion was that he blocked me and had probably freaked out Bcz he realized who I was without any exchanges. Brain 🧠 pain 3:22 pmpt an inadvertent (definition?) admission of guilt that he knew me but didn’t want to know me anymore. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what story he told Ammar Malik about me. He probably lied 🤥 to him. Bros share secrets. If “Brendan” was really Adam Noah Levine, and they shared the account, then alarm 🚨 bells 🔔 would have went off for Brendan Lean. Bcz if someone is paying 💰 you a lot of money 💰 and you know their dirty laundry 🧺 (Brain 🧠pain 3:27 pmpt) you might jump at anything that is out of the ordinary like my accident. 3:27 pmpt

5:01 pmpt I’m not a powerful person. I had learning disabilities and health issues. After my aunt and cousin moved out in 2015? I finished ✅ my classes then dropped classes the following quarter, I slept 🛌 12+ hours a day. Bcz I had a lot of healing to do. 5:04 pmpt. I had chronic eczema and random infections since I was about 8 years old and head trauma. Eczema was probably a sign 🪧 of a deficit 💸 in my health I thought 💭. My face dropping in the afternoons/evenings an effect of not fully healing from my head trauma I thought 💭 (hot left shin 😰😤🥵😤🥵 5:07 pmpt) I had to focus 🧘🏻‍♀️ on education or finding a husband or my health. I’m not a powerful person. I don’t and didn’t have virtually unlimited resources for organized crime. I did not have a lot of time to do whatever I wanted outside. I was slow in mental compacity, rendering (def?), and carry out/execution? Definition? 5:11 pmpt if someone had something to say about me then it would have come out easy. (Brain 🧠 pain 5:12 pmpt) unfortunately lies are really easy to believe, too.

5:15 pmpt if you have head trauma it’s more likely you will be cursed with addiction. Garrido I think 💭 I read he had a motorcycle 🏍 accident (Brain head pain acid 5:16 pmpt). Addiction is strange to me. Bcz alcohol 🍺 addiction can kill you very quickly. Put you in a vulnerable state very easily. Something that instinctively naturally you’d think you’re brain 🧠 would naturally discourage and say danger danger ⛔️ do not consume anymore! 5:18 pmpt 5:19 pmpt I had an addiction to Scott’s kisses 😽 Bcz it was the first time and only time kisses 😚 felt good. It was hard to stop 🛑 like an alcoholic buzz I guess. If you recall I already started humping Mickey mouses plush toy 🧸 head when I was 4 years old and made to feel extremely h*rny. It was hard to control but mentally I worked on saying “no” to s*x. I told Scott no with many words. I didn’t intend to have unprotected s*x. I was hoping to stop 🛑 and not have s*x. We didn’t (acid butt/hip bone 🦴 pain minutes ago and bottom of butt right side teeth 🦷 pain 5:24 pmpt) have a discussion ahead of time about pulling out or abortion or carrying out a pregnancy 🤰. 5:25 pmpt there’s an article that rich 🤑 kids have better brain 🧠 activity than poor kids. Poor kids have comparable brain 🧠 activity to those who had a stroke. If you want to say someone is subjected to a test, I think the one with an unbroken brain 🧠 is a suitable test subject. Scott probably likes to pretend he’s dumb, so he can date teens. He wants an excuse? Maybe? To have the best of both worlds. Don’t have to go to college and work unnecessarily hard at anything. Work at a pizza place where teens are employed and then seduce them. Why do they say lust is a sin? Are rich 🤑 people like Scott s*xy, and deceptive? So lust becomes something to be even more cautious about. Did he go around to my sister’s friends and tell them I was an unethical whore? 5:32 pmpt he started hanging out with my sister’s friends b4 I saw him again in 2010, but they didn’t tell me anything. But I suspect it. Did he tell spencer billman? Did he tell other cops 👮‍♂️? Is Scott cano racist of Asian women? Did he give everyone in the Bay Area confidence to be racist of Asians Bcz of me? Is he the reason Sierra lamar’s case number starts with 1207? I’m not Japanese to my knowledge but I’m half filippino and half white, to the best of my knowledge. Scott looks very white. Even though he speaks Spanish. 5:36 pmpt

5:37 pmpt ever since I lost my job October 18, 2012 - the day b4 Sierra LaMar’s bday - I had to focus 🧘🏻‍♀️ on my health 5:38 pmpdt

6 pmpt I changed my diet and after I stopped taking accounting 🧾 classes I slept 🛌 more. In 2016 I was finally healed of my eczema and I think 💭 I didn’t need to sleep 😴 12+ hours/day. 6:03 pmpt

6:44 pmpt I wish I was never born. 6:45 pmpt

6:46 pmpt I literally did not know anything about Sierra LaMar until days? B4 the trial in early 2017. I tried to read up 🆙 on it then. 6:47 pmpt

6:48 pmpt acid brain 🧠 pain 😖😭 6:49 pmpt

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rambleswhatsthepoint · 2 years

Text

08.29.22

this past weekend was just the worst weekend i’ve had in a very long time. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

Saturday morning. Jogged with both dogs for 30 minutes, everything was pretty good. was walking, cooling down and just around the corner from the house when these two squirrels pull foster dog roger’s attention and he pulls me off the sidewalk. POP! goes something in my ankle and i go down pretty hard. Tear a hole in my knee on my leggings and skin my knee. I don’t often wear pants, but thank God I did that day cause otherwise it would have been worse. Bad thing was those were a pair of Peloton leggings that ripped Ugh :( $$. Thank goodness it was early ish as there wasn’t a ton of people around. This wasn’t a sorta twist your ankle and keep walking situation. It was a screaming FUCK! multiple times and laying on the sidewalk crying while trying to hold on to the leashes of the damn dogs situation. Tried to call my mom so she could at least take the dogs and i’d figure out how to hobble home, but no she didn’t answer. So i waited till i was composed and then hobbled home, so thankful i was able to do that. she was up though, but she didn’t answer so i got so mad at her. i was just trying to get home so i could rush to the stupid vet to get put on their list so I could bring in two of my cats. Alley was hanging around me WAY TOO MUCH and i knew she was really, really not feeling well and I was so afraid she was saying bye to me. I do make it to the vet and i get on the list. The appointment went as well as could be, she got an antibiotic shot and some appetite stimulant.

the ankle was so painful and swollen. only was able to feel slightly better when i drank some tylenol 800 mg my mom had for arthritis lol.

then Sunday night i gash open about a 2 inch slash on my leg and it’s just pouring blood. on this stupid grate that was sticking out. wasn’t exactly Roger related and it almost happened in slow motion. I just felt like everything is trying to kill me or get me. Someone has a voodoo doll and is just fucking messing with me. i cried so hard on both days, like bawling, hysterical crying. on my way to the vet to the sign up sheet after my ankle and then on the floor bleeding with the gash. It felt like every single tear i should have shed in the last 6 months or maybe all of 2022 fell because everything is just terrible. the irony is my mom saying “the important thing is she is happy” hahahaha at my dad’s house when they are asking about my divorce.

it was a nice day, saw my dad’s house for the first time even though they’ve been there for years. saw how step mom’s mom makes Turon. wtf i could do that... i think. so easy! but when step mom’s sister asks where my ex is, just cause she didn’t know, the divorce came up, then all the questions. Mom kept speaking up and trying to defend me and pretend like everything is just great, all better, but it’s not. it’s just fucking not, everything is terrible and no, i am not happy, no matter how much i try to keep myself busy and occupied so i don’t have to deal with any issues. I’m lost, I’m exhausted, I don’t know what to do. If i can’t jog with Roger he has way too much energy and is just a terror inside the house.

Add onto that with my boss reading/spying on emails and just lying to me lol and forgetting that he did. and stupid ebay scammers wasting my time/listings. and the fact that sometimes i feel like all i am is my mom’s chauffer and a foster dog babysitter.

today though, my ankle was better. my first steps in the morning weren’t agony and i wasn’t reaching for the tylenol bottle asap. I’m not taking any until i feel like i really need it though, just so i don’t push myself harder than I should just cause i can’t feel it.

#online journal #my life #rambles

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lifewithoutmeds · 2 years

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July 24, 2022

Sunday morning.

feeling pretty ok. worked pretty hard throughout the week, then went fishing early on friday, and had a late lunch with my mom, and watched the first episode of some popular korean drama with her.

saturday woke up pretty late and then went to porto’s to pick up some treats before heading to lana’s for a bbq/pool party where some of her high school and college friends came out and i chatted with monique and cassie some, ate spam musubi, fried chicken, and some kalbi, which was all very tasty, before heading back home for a short breather before heading out to the west side to meet up with venice group where i stayed from about 6-10pm. i think i left my bike bag with wallet there but was too tired to go back and left it, and headed home and knocked out.

no real plans for today, except cleaning and catching up on some chores. have my usual list of things to do, and have already jogged my one mile and made my bed, and am on my second cup of coffee.

i was feeling pretty good last week until sunday. i had walked coop twice on saturday and once on sunday, and then took the time to leave a note for j, bring her ghim and a new phone stand, and some cut up strawberries, and washed fuji apples and a ripe white peach. i left the fruit in her refrigerator with a little note and expectantly awaited her arrival and surprise and gratitude and ... thankfulness? love? acknowledgement? i see now the error of my ways.

i texted to check on where she was, had she left santa barbara yet? would she be driving? did she want company to chat with on her drive? i wanted to know the exact moment her eyes alighted on my gifts and feel her love and appreciation, but the hours came and went, and the dread and horror started to settle in and i started to lose it sunday afternoon. i imagined someone was there waiting for her at her place, that she rushed out for a date, that she was too busy to see any of it, that maybe she was on the phone with her new lover, or just with her new lover, and as the hours slipped away, my frenzy increased, and soon i was crying, i was drinking, i was texting whoever would text me back, and it seemed that whatever progress i had made in the prior months was all to naught. i was not ok. i was not better. i was regressing.

as it turned out, i was highly PMSing, started my period tuesday, and my mood has since improved. today’s coffee tastes and feels good, and i’m texting Lo pretty regularly. i even did my first good night and good morning text, albeit super casually of course. i feel glad and thankful that i have a day to rest, decompress, and put things in order before the workweek starts, although it’ll be a short one since i’m heading over to austin on thursday to visit alyson, which should be fun. on the calendar is early morning fly fishing, watching a UFC fight, and a night in a cabin by a lake! very excited.

i also was inspired and wrote a poem last week, my first in a while. i felt it sort of ... almost mounting in me. i saw phrases and images, i sounded out words, and i just put pen to paper and started to ... almost sculpt it, in a very visceral way. and out came this thing and it was pretty much what and how i envisioned it. i’m not saying it’s the best thing ever. but it felt pulled from me. and that was a really interesting experience.

hoping today is productive. feeling hopeful.

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restwellsoon · 2 years

Text

Sundays Down the Aisle

Summary: You always see him at the grocery store, every Sunday at 6 AM. One day your early morning meditations in the aisles get interrupted.

/ You saw the man in question standing as he usually did in that ironic space between beef and cake where the deli transitioned to the bakery.

Pairing: Jason Todd x GN!Reader

CW: fluff, awkward flirting, sexual situations, language

This Sunday wasn’t any different than the rest as you pulled into the small parking lot of Gotham Meat N Eat. The grocery store was about half the size of other stores but you liked it anyway. They had the cheapest prices in the area compared to any ShopRite or W Grocers. Sure, you couldn’t find your niche farmers market items but at least they tried by stocking organics, gluten-free and the occasional international food item.

You heard the familiar jingle of bells as you grabbed a cart and strolled through the aisles you memorized by heart, starting on the right and making your way around the perimeter before zigzagging through the middle aisles. Anyone could watch footage from any given Sunday and your route would be the same every time.

Just as you had your Sunday routine, so did the workers and one other person. You saw the man in question standing as he usually did in that ironic space between beef and cake where the deli transitioned to the bakery.

It was easy to write him off as a scary meathead at first. He was huge in height and muscles with a scowl on his face, either from exhaustion or displeasure. But if you looked at him more -and you tried to be as discreet as you could, letting your image of him build through the weeks instead of blatantly staring- you’d see that he was incredibly handsome with his curled dark hair, chiseled jaw and steely blue eyes. Everything about him screamed masculinity and your eyes couldn’t help but be drawn to his energy.

Averting your eyes as you approached him from behind, you looked at a spot slightly ahead of you, hoping that you’d get away with your weekly looks.

Even as he turned around so that both of you were facing each other, neither of you dared to speak a word to each other. You gave him a slight smile and him a curt nod. You couldn’t exchange words because that would break your routines.

---

You were running 30 minutes late on this particular Sunday, courtesy of the Riddler hosting another one of his obnoxious games the night before, workers barely cleaning up the leftover debris from his city-spread clues. You knew you’d miss him today but tried not to think about it. It was odd to be so concerned about seeing someone who was a part of your life’s background.

But as fate would have it, the two of you were destined to see each other every Sunday. You spied his figure in the back corner of the parking lot loading up his groceries in a saddlebag for his motorcycle.

You knew that there was a bike parked there every Sunday but you never thought of who owned it. Now that you thought about it and saw it with your own eyes, you couldn’t imagine 21-year-old Blake with a nervous stammer to be daring enough to ride it. It made sense that it was his.

The sound of rolling wheels and a loud whoop stole you from your thoughts, your eyes already tracking the source of the noise.

There he was, looking more alive and boyish than ever with the wind in his hair as he rode down the nearly-empty parking lot. He only took three push-steps to reach the return receptacle, the slight downward grade of the parking lot and his weight giving him momentum.

Physics were against him, however, as he slowed down too late, crashing into the small line up of carts already in there. He caught himself, about two seconds in time to save himself from eating shit and landing face first into them. Everything collided with a metallic clang.

He hopped off, grabbing at his ribs a bit -that must have been where he was hit the hardest- and straightened himself out. You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh as he looked around and realized that there was a witness to his embarrassment.

Jason let out a slight wheeze, some wind knocked out of him from the impact. When he heard a laugh from a few spots away, he realized that someone must have seen it.

His hand ran through his hair instead of pressing against his torso and he felt ridiculous for a moment. It was a vain little action that seemed like something Dick would do instead of him. If he was gonna get caught in the act of being a dumbass, at least he would look good while doing it.

He squinted for a moment before he recognized who it was. It was you.

Jason wondered if the spring air would cover his blush and awkwardly stood there as you smiled and waved before turning to enter the store.

---

Tapping against the cart handle impatiently, you knew it was useless. The line wouldn’t move any faster. What should you expect with it being a holiday? You thought you could outsmart the crowd by shopping on the day of said holiday but it seemed as if everyone else had the same idea.

A familiar and tired sigh was loud behind you. You turned around. It was him.

The two of you had been awkwardly dancing around each other in the aisles since that day in the parking lot, only spotting each other from afar. Two weeks had passed since then.

“Don’t they have anything better to do on a Sunday morning?” He asked.

His voice was rich and deep, not harsh like you expected. The facetiousness in his tone fit him. Maybe it was because he always had that frown on his face.

You nodded your head, urging yourself to speak instead of being shy like you wanted.

“They’re not regulars like us.”

He agreed before his lips set into his trademark scowl.

“I don’t like that they’re interrupting our quiet Sundays.”

Later on when you got home, you waltzed into your apartment in a daze, the sweet sound of our making your holiday especially pleasant.

---

“It’s finally back to our normal Sunday,” he commented nonchalantly as the two of you stood side-by-side in the dairy aisle.

When you didn’t comment, too focused on the sudden variety of milks that showed up this week -you knew of soy, almond and coconut but rice, oats and hemp?-, the guy from the grocery store filled in the silence by offering you his name.

“I know we’ve been seeing each other for a while now but I’m Jason.”

“Jason,” you mumbled after him before realizing what that name meant to you.

Your eyes widened as you realized how rude you were being, the flush on your face felt even more noticeably hot in the cooler aisle.

You told him your name and he said it twice after. It must have been the dairy aisle that gave you chills, not the way your name rolled off his tongue. You grabbed a carton of milk and headed towards the produce section.

Jason followed behind you, your carts in sync as you slowed down in front of the fruit. You lingered on what just happened for a moment but before you could overanalyze the meaning behind it and your reaction, you couldn’t help but think that you were going-

“Bananas,” Jason said, reaching over you to grab the yellow bunch.

As he pulled back you caught a whiff of his scent. He smelled surprisingly sweet but the smell was faint as if it was body wash or shampoo instead of cologne.

Jason pushed his cart further down, waving at you before saying he had some other errands to run.

You stared at his back. Yeah, you definitely were going crazy if you thought that anything could ever happen between you and the guy from the grocery store.

---

Assessing the situation, you knew you were on your own. Today’s clerk was a few inches taller than you and you wouldn’t dare ask for Jason’s help with something like this.

You sighed. Why did it have to be on the top shelf? A part of you considered not getting it, maybe even going to a different store. But if you did that, what was the point of even going here today? You came to Gotham Meat N Eat because it was convenient and had everything you needed. You didn’t want to get in the habit of shopping at two different places.

Glancing down either end of the aisle, you grabbed a middle shelf and pulled on it. It was sturdy enough. If it held all of those cans, surely it could support your weight for a quick moment.

As you put one foot on the bottom shelf, nudging away the cans of beans, you heard a voice call out from behind you that almost made you topple over.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Taking a breath, you tried to relax. You never did well when you were caught red-handed, a look on your face that showed how guilty you were plastered on it.

“I’m uhh. I... uh, sorry?”

The man behind you laughed and you finally turned around to look at him. It wasn’t the manager like you thought. It was Jason.

There was a mischievous smile and glint in his eye like he knew damn well that he tricked you.

“Look, if you needed help, you should have asked.”

“No one was in the front.”

“No, I meant me.”

You felt something flutter in your stomach at his offer, shyly telling him, “Oh no. I can’t bother you.”

He rolled his eyes before leaning over you again, that light sweetness of his wafting up to your nose as he stood on his tippy toes to reach the jar that you wanted.

You knew he was tall but you didn’t quite grasp how much so until then, not even last week when he did the same thing in the produce section. His figure towered over yours both in height and width, muscles hardly working as his arm stretched.

As his heels settled on the ground, you felt a brush of something against your thighs and you heard Jason cough loudly and suddenly, prompting you to ask if he was alright.

He handed you the jar, his face turned slightly so he couldn’t look at you. From his ears to his neck, he was pink, a light sheen of sweat starting to form on his face. You didn’t think getting the jar was that strenuous of a task but maybe you were wrong.

Taking it from him, you smiled and thanked him, the two of you awkwardly looking at each other as his face returned to its normal light tan.

He scratched his head, starting his sentence with an uncertain hum. “I uh… sorry about what you felt earlier.”

He must have been talking about accidentally brushing your thighs. You waved him off. “It’s fine.”

Jason continued, “I swear I wasn’t packing heat! ...or meat for that matter. Well, I am but uh.”

He explained himself after your blank stare. “I’m uhh…” He pointed towards his lower half. “I’m wearing grey sweatpants.”

Your eyes followed where his hand was gesturing before they quickly shot up to his face but it was too late. Your mind embedded the image of the faint outline of Jason’s dick in your head.

You didn’t know what else to say other than an awkward ‘Haha, yeah, you are.’

There was a pause before you waved the jar in your hand at him. “Well, thanks for this. I’ll uh see you around, Jay.”

If you stayed for one more second, you would have seen Jason’s face turn from pink to red at the nickname but you were too busy thinking about how clumsily cute he was when he talked to you. You could think of him and his sweatpants later on tonight.

---

If the shopping cart incident embarrassed Jason, then the sweatpant one should have made him change stores. Yet he didn’t have it in his heart to because he liked how his Sunday mornings were spent.

“You need to eat,” he insisted, adding a second package of chicken into your basket. “Lately you haven’t been filling up your cart and today you even got a basket instead.”

You huffed. “Maybe I’m working out by carrying this basket,” you retorted.

Jason leaned down to inspect your frame, making a sense of alarm and shyness wash over you as his eyes scrutinized you from head to toe. His eyes lingered on your lips for a moment before he straightened up, satisfied.

“You’re well-built. I should know. I work for Wayne Construction.”

It seemed as if Jason was waiting for a conversation like this to use that line and you laughed, letting out a less guarded and more casual comment that was normally reserved for someone you knew more intimately.

“Oh yeah? And do you inspect houses too or just bodies?”

Jason paused for a moment, wondering if he should tell you that he’s got some licenses and certs back home that you could look at if you were interested but he was afraid your answer might be no.

He laughed before answering. “What I do inspect, I look at very respectfully, though I did try out for the FBI once.”

---

You looked at Jason, deciding that something was off from his usual RBF that you’ve grown accustomed to.

“You must be tired,” you told him as the two of you strolled through the aisle with energy drinks and bottled coffee. “Gotham’s constantly building and repairing things.”

He gave you a side eye as he paused in front of the different coffee brands. “You sayin’ that we’re doin’ a lousy job?”

With your hands up in defense, you told him that wasn’t what you meant.

Your fingertips grazed his as you plucked the 4-pack of black coffee from his hands, touch soft unlike his calloused fingers.

“It’s on me,” you said, placing his coffee in your basket.

“If I knew you were gonna pay for it, I would have chosen something more expensive.”

“Next time,” you told him without thinking of the implication.

“Next time, as in outside of the grocery store? ...like a date?” There was a teasing tone in his voice even as he pouted, “Jeez. Does a date with me sound that bad?”

This time you consciously kept your words in your mouth that would have told him that no, a date with Jason would be a dream come true.

Before you could respond and humiliate yourself, you were saved by a phone call, telling him that the unknown number might be a client. You’d meet Jason by the front of the store with his coffee paid for.

You’ve never felt more relieved or disappointed to hear the voice of a robo-caller telling you that your car’s warranty has expired.

---

Lately you’ve been feeling flustered around Jason, a different sort compared to how it was before. You used to be too embarrassed to meet his eyes across the store and now you felt it when you caught yourself staring. It wasn’t like you wanted to actively avoid him either. There were too many days in the office where you tapped your pen against the desk, wishing it was Sunday.

You wouldn’t call your conversations with him flirtatious. You wouldn’t even call what you two had a thing. You were just two people who happened to go to the same store every Sunday and talk about your lives.

You didn’t even know what you were talking about anymore, losing all thoughts as he looked at you intently as if you were telling him the most captivating story.

There was a pause, then a stutter before you trailed off, sheepishly waving off your story and telling him that it actually wasn’t that important. It was just something mundane about work.

“No, really,” you told him, “you don’t wanna hear about the rest of my week or even my job. It’s just a 9 to 5, nothing exciting really.”

“Why not?” Jason challenged. “I wanna know even the most boring things about you. Now tell me more about that bitch two cubicles down.”

---

Jason frowned, noting the sad look about you. It wasn’t quite on your face but in your mannerisms, shoulders hunched and staring more at the floor instead of him. He didn’t have time to wonder why that last part bothered him, focusing his attention on your conversation last week.

He wondered if there was something going on at work but figured it was something more personal than that. He wished that he could be someone you could confide in instead of someone who helped you find the best deal on meats.

---

Picking up the flowers, you looked around before rereading your receipt. You stood off to the side awkwardly, waiting for the cashier to ring up the last customer.

You pointed to the bouquet in your bag and then to your receipt. “I didn’t buy these. I’m uh, I’m not actually sure what happened or how they even ended up in my bag, but I swear I wasn’t trying to steal them and-”

He cut you off, listening to customers ramble apparently not a part of his job description.

“I know. That big guy got them for you.” You looked around for said big guy.

“You know, the one that you’re with all the time when you’re here.”

It clicked. “Jason?”

He shrugged, clearly not invested in your relationship with the man and wanting your interaction to end.

“Yeah sure.”

You ignored his sigh of relief as you slowly walked out, bag of groceries slung across your shoulder, bouquet in hand to prevent the blooms from getting squished. You’d leave the flowers on your front seat just to be safe.

Too focused on getting home as soon as you could, you didn’t notice the little card that was tucked away beneath some leaves, the folded square a stark white in comparison to the green, until you were already in your kitchen, its plastic wrap wide open.

Picking it up, you read Jason’s neat, boyish writing, your name crooked across the top. There was already a smile on your face before you got to what he actually wrote.

Cheer up, buttercup

-Jason

Setting the flowers in a glass, you placed them by the windowsill where they could get the most light. It was a simple bouquet, probably not more than $5 even, but to you it was worth much more than that.

---

You thought all week of what you could do to repay Jason for the sweet gesture. You could always take him up on that offer to buy him coffee outside of the grocery store -your neighborhood did have a few cute cafes- but you didn’t have enough courage for that just yet.

What did you know about him? He rode a motorcycle. His meals were obnoxiously well-balanced. You only saw him with a bag of chips once or twice. He obviously was into working out. He has at least 4 pairs of Nikes. He lived in that red hoodie in the winter and spring. He worked for Wayne Construction.

Letting out a huff, you were frustrated that you didn’t know him as well as you thought you did.

---

You caught Jason in the parking lot that Sunday, his bike now parked next to yours. You ducked down to the passenger side to grab the box of cookies you baked for him. There were only a few but you figured that he probably wasn’t a fan of sweets anyway. There were rarely any desserts in his cart. Plus, they had peanut butter in them so at least there was some protein in them, however small it might be.

The tap on your window made you jump and nearly drop the cookies on the car floor. You looked up to Jason’s crooked smile trying to look innocent.

It was cute how you pouted as you rolled down the window, shoving the dessert box into his abs with a huff.

“For me?” He asked, eyes wide as he undid the red bow without waiting for your answer. If they weren’t for him, it was too late now. He was going to take them.

He lifted the lid, nutty sweetness and caramel notes wafting through the air.

“Why? No, wait, lemme guess. You’re telling me that I drive you nuts, huh?” He asked between bites of cookies.

You wanna tell him that it was really because you were nuts about him.

“The flowers from last week. I still have them on my windowsill. They’re surprisingly still alive too. I was just in one of those moods. What do they call it? Anyway, your kind gesture really lifted my spirits,” you rambled.

“Thought a guy like you deserved something sweet too.”

He brushed off your comment, empty box in hand, the other wiping crumbs from his mouth that he later shook off.

“It’s really nothing.”

You stared at him a moment longer, bright rays of summer sun in your eyes. Jason wondered for a moment if you could see his blush. He thought he hid his smile well behind his hand. It took you a second longer but you shrugged, shooing him out of the way so you could get out of your car.

“Ready to go inside?”

---

It was the peak of summer and East Coast humidity meant sticky skin. It was easier to wear less on hot mornings like this. You were already fantasizing about your shower as you found some reprieve, a fan blowing harshly on you for a moment too short as you crossed Gotham Meat N Eat’s threshold.

You made a beeline towards the frozens aisle, shopping cart with the busted wheel notifying everyone in the store that you were there. Jason turned around when you slowed to a halt a few feet beside him.

It was as if he read your mind. Ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner sounded perfect in this weather.

Jason didn’t dare to look at you as he heard your screeching cart slow to a halt, a more obnoxious way to greet him good morning instead of your usual chipper voice. He caught a glimpse of you earlier in the store, skin more exposed than he had ever seen. It gave him thoughts and he knew he needed to find somewhere to cool down before he indulged in them though it seemed as if you had a different plan, finding him five minutes later.

You didn’t say anything to Jason, waist half bent as you read the ice cream flavors on the lower shelves through fogged up glass. Your lips moved to silent speak flavors as your eyes scanned your options, finally letting out a quiet ‘fucking hot’ in terms of the weather right now. Jason wished it would be a description that you used to describe him instead.

The weeks prior he already admitted to himself that he had a crush and he was fully prepared for its consequences. He was never a man to sit on his feelings no matter how inconvenient they were.

He realized it when he was working one day, catching a glimpse of someone who looked like you all dolled up on a weekday morning, heading towards the offices in midtown. Grabbing the bottom of his shirt, he wiped off his face, a layer of dirt and grime coming along with it. Jason cleared his throat once, prepared to call out to you but was distracted by a whistle and a nudge in the ribs.

It was Roy who ribbed him, telling Jason that they didn’t make enough on the clock to be giving out free shows like that. His whistle made you turn towards him for a moment -maybe you thought it was meant for you?- and it was with disappointment and relief that he realized it wasn’t actually you. What would he have even told you?

He would have been too lucky to have such a chance encounter outside of the grocery store, which was why he shouldn’t have had his hopes up that it was you. It was then that he realized that Sunday wasn’t enough. He wanted more time with you on all the other days.

“Are you listening?”

Jason blinked back at you dumbly, whatever you said clearly not registering. He admitted as such. “Sorry, I was… distracted.”

He didn’t think that what he did was worthy of such a reaction but the way you giggled was cute.

“It’s fine. Maybe it really is too hot outside and you fried your brain.”

You looked at the freezer before looking at him again.

“Maybe you can cool off in the freezer but I don’t think that the manager would like that.”

“It might be a while. Trying to decide between two flavors. Now don’t tell me to get both either. Gotta work on my summer body, you know?”

It was your turn to stare at Jason dumbly when he asked why. You couldn’t explain to him your insecurities and the societal pressure to be conventionally attractive.

When you were quiet, Jason added, “You look fine,” then corrected himself. “Great, actually.”

Everyone had their personal hang ups but he didn’t think you needed to diet to look hot.

“Oh yeah?” Your smile was small, veiled interest in your voice. “Well you too.”

Jason was surprised -a bit disappointed too- as you moved down a section to look at more flavors. ‘You too’ echoed in his head and he realized that after months, maybe now was his chance. He didn’t need luck. He made his own fortune.

It was a dumb idea but even tough guys like him could get a little shy. Maybe you’d even find it endearing.

---

Going back to the freezer where you last saw Jason, you expected him to still be there to tell you that he was right. You should have gone with your first choice.

But as you closed the door, you realized there was something odd about the glass. You inspected it more closely. It looked like letters but you couldn’t tell what they spelled because they were backwards.

taeh eht taeb ot looc ecalpemos rof gnikool er'uoy fI

tops a wonk I

Xxxx-xxx-xxx em llaC

tug ruoy htiw og ot ay dloT .S.P

maerc eci eht gnirB .S.S.P

You opened the door again to read it properly from the inside.

If you're looking for someplace cool to beat the heat

I know a spot

Call me xxx-xxx-xxxx

P.S. Told ya to go with your gut

P.S.S. Bring the ice cream

The message didn’t need to be signed for you to know who it was from. You smiled to yourself as you logged his number in your phone, smudging the message after you took a picture. A part of you wanted to keep it there to see how long it would stay there til but you knew Jason was probably already embarrassed.

Looking around, you wondered where he could be before taking your carton of ice cream and searching for him throughout the store.

You spotted Jason two aisles down, pink in the face as if he got sunburnt.

Those damn wheels gave away your position but you also didn’t want to surprise him.

“I got your message.”

His response was curt as if he was trying to hide his nervousness with fewer words. “Oh yeah?”

“Does this place involve walking down the aisle?

“You mean like marriage?”

“Is that where your head’s at already?”

The blush on his face deepened to a red. He could feel the heat rising up to his ears. Of course the thought of marrying you ran through Jason’s mind once or twice on a long day at work. He wouldn’t admit that to you though.

Your smile was coy as you pointed towards a spot diagonal from you. His eyes followed.

Trojan’s lined the shelf, specifically in a certain size.

He could think about the metaphorical aisle some other time. Walking down this aisle with you sounded more appealing.

---

“Look, twerp, I paid $300 to have pictures taken and not to hear ya bitch about how annoying it is to color correct skin under fluorescent lighting.”

Tim sighed, directing the couple into a different pose, this time capturing a moment that was more spontaneous and natural. They had about five shots left before he had to take them to the parking lot. Jason insisted on pictures of them racing down the asphalt on shopping carts.

“So what exactly is this for?” One worker asked another, having started at Gotham Meat N Eat a week before. Two of them looked familiar but they couldn’t tell where they’d seen them before.

They stood at the beginning of the aisle, almost as if they were blocking it off so other customers couldn’t disturb them. It was unintentional. They weren’t there to play security.

The other one sighed, hoping the new kid wouldn’t ask for their whole story. It was quite mundane really. He could hardly even recall the details.

Blake stated it in simple terms so there wouldn’t be questions.

“Engagement shoot in aisle nine.”

Return to

Curated Masterlists

Jason Todd’s Masterlist

#rest writes #jason todd x reader #x gn!reader #jason todd x gn!reader

254 notes · View notes

jamcookies-bakery · 2 years

Text

Sinful love

I’m new to writing and I’m very tired so do forgive me if this isn’t very good

Word count: a lot I don’t know how to check without counting

CONTENT WARNING: eventual smut, hand kink, fem dom, f!reader, virgin!eli, praise kink, hand job, small mention of family member dying

Chirp chirp Chirp chirp you wake to the sound of birds chirping in the windows, ah, another mediocre day in little Boston, the town you grew up in. You don’t have very many friends here, more on and off casual friendships, you have known Eli Sunday, the towns preacher, since you were kids though. You will admit, you have had a small crush on him before, he has always been nice to you, and he’s even rid you from a evil spirit before, when you were having incredible pains in your hands, it may be a weird placebo effect, but you haven’t had any pains since then. The time is 6:03 am, Sunday morning, you have to do your chores before church service starts.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)!”

You hear your little sister running towards you and yelling your name

“what’s wrong, sister?”

“I finished the laundry for you!” She says, grinning, You smile

“really? Well thank you very much” you say while rubbing her head. She loves you very much, it had recently been your 19th birthday, and she even made your cake for you, it wasn’t the best, but it was the thought that counted.

The last couple of months haven’t been the easiest for you and your family, your mother had recently passed away and it’s up to you, and your sister to keep the house together while your father is at work. Now that she finished the laundry, you get to go to church more early this time. You and your sister walk toward the church

“(Y/N)” she says,

“yes, sister?”

“Can I go play with the other children before church starts?” “Of course you can” you smile at her, while subtly nudging her towards the other playing children, she giggles and runs off.

You make your way to the big church doors and open one, quietly knocking on it as you open as to not startle anyway who may be in there, you see Eli standing at the podium, he has his head down, he looks stressed. He glanced up at you for a second,

“sorry, I’m a little early, we just got done with chores earlier”

you close the door and walk towards the podium “is…everything okay?”

He rubs his forehead, he seems to not want to make eye contact with you

“yes, I’ve just… have a lot on my mind lately” he sighs

“oh, what kind of thoughts? Do you think it may be a spirit?” Eli looks up at you, he’s quiet for a second,

“yes, unfortunately I do…” he looks away. You cover your mouth in shock and concern “but…you can get rid of it..right?” You ask

“well…I think, but I need someone else’s help, maybe you can help after service?”

He looks back at you, hands shaking subtly as he holds onto the podium “of course! I’m always here to help”

Eli sighs “thank you, (Y/N)” the rooms quiet for a few seconds, a slight tension hangs in the air “well, I think it’s almost time to start, you should take a seat” Eli says as he walks toward the doors “of course” you mumble as you sit at one of the seats in the front. He opens the doors and waits for people to show up so he can invite everyone in.

After what feels like decades of preaching and preforming miracles, church is over. You were waiting anxiously, afraid of what kind of ghost could be in eli, what if he’s in danger? You don’t want to think about it, it makes you feel sick. Eli says his goodbyes, shaking everyone’s hands as they leave, you pick up your jacket and wait by the doors patiently.

you and Eli stand next to each other quietly, before he decides to finally break the tension

“so…about that spirit, I-“ he gets cut off by you and Eli’s sisters running up to you, excited

“sister! Can I sleep over at Mary’s house? Please please pleassseee, Eli’s dad already said it was okay” they flash puppy dog eyes at you, you chuckle

“well, if the sundays are fine with it, I am too”

“Yaayyyyyy!! Thank you!” They run off.

You look back at Eli “Anyways, what we’re you saying Eli”

“well…do you think your dad is home?”

“No he works real late now” Eli sighs

“oh, very well, then can we…exorcise the spirit in me at your house then?”

His cheeks turn a slight red “well, I don’t see why not, I don’t have to do anything else today anyways”

he nods and offers his hand to you, you talk it and start walking hand in hand with him towards your house. Eli carefully examines your hands

“have you been having anymore pains? Since I got that spirit out of you?” He asks

“no! Really, you really are a miracle worker, you know that right Eli?” He smiles and looks down, clearly blushing

“thank you, (y/n)”

you get to your house and Eli let’s go of your hand, you go in and hang up your coats on the coat rack. You go in the living room and sit on the small sofa, it’s somehow more quiet than before

“so…about that spirit” Eli says

“yes?” You look at him

“it’s…kind of embarrassing…the spirit in me is a…lust demon”

wow, the room is filled with awkward tension, you could tell he’s been acting different lately, but you would have never thought it was because of this

“oh…well…how do we…get rid of that?” You take one of his hands in a effort to comfort him

“um….I need to…give into the temptations for them to go away”

he looks at you “Eli, what do you mean?” His breath is shaky

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to…but…please”

“please what?”

He takes your other hand

“I…I need you to…touch me”

woah…your a bit taken aback, his words, his red flushed skin, the way he’s submitting himself to you, being so needy, it ignites something inside of you, something devilish, you suddenly want to rip all his clothes off and take him right there, but you know you can’t do that.

“Eli, have you ever done anything,..sexual?”

You look at him, his breathing jagged, clearly getting hard from just touching your hands

“no…I almost touched myself last night, but I figured…if I was going to do something like that it should be with someone else…someone like you”

you blush, you’ve never done anything either, but the way he’s looking at you, the way he’s fawning over you, maybe his lust demon has transferred over to you, you fan yourself and subtly unbutton the first few buttons on your blouse, he gasps and tries to look down your shirt

“Eli, do you want to kiss?” His mouth agap, he finally snaps back to reality from the trance your chest had on him

“what? Um…uh yes” he mutters out.

you waste no time and pull him into a kiss. it’s soft at first, clearly neither of you really know how to do it, then it starts to get sloppy, he puts his hand on your head in a attempt to deepen the kiss, you guide his free hand to your hips.

His hand roams your body going up your back then around to your chest, you pull away from the kiss

“my bedroom?”

He nods frantically, you get up and start leading him back to your room, you look back at him, his lips and cheeks are red, his hair all messed up, he looks like a adorable mess, you get in the room and push him onto the bed, he looks shocked at the sudden dominance from you, but definitely not turned off.

You straddle him, his cock is now aching, begging to be touched, the feeling of you sitting on him makes his cock twitch

“(y/n) I want you to know, I don’t want to go all the way, not yet”

he says while planting small kisses down your chin, you nod “me neither, this is only to get your demon out”

he nods and sucks on the crook of your neck, you moan out

“good boy”

his cock twitches again, you smirk “you like that, Eli? You like being called good boy?”

Eli groans into your neck, you chuckle, getting off his lap, sitting next to him, he whines at suddenly the lack of contact, you gesture for him to come closer to you, you guys sit across from each other on the bed,

“do you want to be a good boy for me, Eli?”

He nods

“use your words”

“y-yes”

he mutters out, his chest rising up and down, trying to hold back from touching himself. You slowly start unbuttoning your blouse the rest of the way, he bites his lip, eyeing you, you unbutton it all the way and your tits pop out, he gasps, mouth agape,

“..may I?”

He asks while starting to reach for your chest, you nod, he grabs one of your breasts, slowly massaging it, you moan.

He starts circling one of nipples with his thumb, you bite your lip and throw your head back, letting it hit the wall, Eli takes your hand and puts one of your fingers in his mouth, circling his tongue around it, he groans as you press your digit against his tongue.

You slide your finger in and out of his mouth, his eyes roll back, clearly in pure bliss.

He sucks on your fingers, tracing them with his tongue, wanting to savior the moment.

You pull your hand away, he keeps his grip on your wrist tight, wanting to pull it back to his mouth, but you wouldn’t let him

“(y/n)..please” he whines,

“please what, Eli?” You put your hand on top of his, still playing with your breast

“please, I need to see your hand…on..me” you chuckle and bite your lip

“well, you have been a good boy, I guess you can get your reward” he sighs,

already unbuckling his belt, eagerly wanting to get his cock out it’s cloth prison. You scooch closer to him, pulling his pants and boxers down, not all the way in case he needed to leave quickly, he hisses at the cold air hitting his hot skin.

His cock is huge, you thank god you didn’t have to suck the demon out of him, because it could probably be to big to do that anyways.

You grip his cock, he moans from just the contact, you slowly start jerking him off, going up and down slowly at first. His moans are high and raspy, his voice is probably gone from all the preaching he did today

“(y/n)…fuck, your hands look so pretty” you move so that his thigh is between your legs, you start grinding on his leg in hopes of getting some sort of friction, you moan, tits bouncing up in his face every thrust of your hand

“(y/n) I-I think I’m gon-…” he cuts himself off with a moan

“go ahead, release, that’s how you can get rid of the evil spirit, fuck, you were such a good boy for me”

those words pushed him over the edge, he came hard in your hands, white strings spilling all over his shirt, he gasps for air like he’s never breathed before. You mutter a few ‘good boy’s as he comes down from his high, you plant one last kiss on his lips and get off his leg.

After Eli caught his breath, he went to the bathroom and got a few tissues, he helped clean off your hand and his shirt, you buttoned your blouse back up and he buckled his pants back up, he sat back on your bed, the atmosphere back to the awkward quietness it was before.

“Well…thank you for helping me with my spirit (y/n”

He gets up and starts leaving, you grab his hand before he can open the door

“Wait, eli”

He looks back at you

“I think..your lust demon transferred to me”

Eli chuckles and walks back over

“Is that so? Next Sunday, then?”

You nod and smile

He pecks your lips quickly before leaving.

Feedback really appreciated

Request: https://jambeerry.tumblr.com/post/681895536048160768/request-info

#eli sunday #eli sunday x reader #smut #Eli Sunday smut #paul dano #paul dano x reader #paul dano riddler #riddler #ruby sparks #there will be blood

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joshslater · 3 years

Text

Dionysus

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I was very hesitant when he picked me up at the nightclub. I could feel the disappointment and outright hostility from all the women and a lot of the men as the God walked up to me, started to make out, and then asked if I was up for some fun. That's what you get away with when no one ever says "no" I thought. With his incredibly handsome face, black hair, and athletic build that was probably not a word he was used to hearing. It would be impossible for him to know I was into guys, and coming on so strong could land you in hot water or rather knocked cold on the floor. Turns out he could know, and there was more to him than just utter handsomeness and unparalleled confidence. Way more.

It was back at his place he asked me if I could look like someone else, who would I pick? That's a game I've played many times before, so I instantly knew to answer Marco Albieri, the soccer player. He raised an eyebrow, took a step from me, and asked me why. "I don't know what it is about soccer players, but something about the game makes their bodies stunningly handsome. And Marco is just a step above the rest." He smiled a bright smile, made a dramatic gesture, and I was Marco. Looked exactly like him at least. It took me a moment to even realize what had just happened, but I could see myself in the full-length mirror. Or I couldn't, I should say. I saw Marco Albieri in full Paris Saint-Germain F.C. game kit. Mesmerized I took a step closer to the mirror, and Marco on the other side of the glass stepped closer as well. I looked just like him, my wettest, wankiest dream. I'd come so many times to exactly this fantasy. There was even a sheen of post-game sweat making all the skin glistening in his hallway designer lights.

He approached me from behind, still handsome but now by a much narrower margin. "You ready to fuck?" I didn't even answer but just turned around and kissed him. He wasn't shy in grouping me back. What followed was the longest fuck fest I've ever been part of. We went from room to room. It was like this body had limitless stamina, though it was the body of Marco after all, but an insatiable horny lust as well. Perhaps he had that too. It wasn't until early morning I fell asleep next to him, exhausted.

It was almost noon when I woke up, disoriented by everything. It was like it wasn't until now the craziness and impossibility of last night hit me. I could see Marco Albieri in the mirror at the other side of the bedroom, without shirt, and the most unkempt hair I had ever seen him with. I knew for a fact the secret hairstyling trick was body fluids. I suddenly felt very uneasy and exposed. Vulnerable even. I was here on vacation. How could I leave if I didn't look like my passport? How could I leave this building looking like Marco? There would be fans stopping me instantly. What the fuck am I thinking about? I'm erased from the world. No one I know, no one in my family would recognize me. Could I convince them I'm me and not a millionaire soccer player? Perhaps. But my life would be so complicated.

That's when he lazily strolled into the bedroom, completely naked showing off his chiseled body, one mug in each hand.

"You did this! How the fuck did you do this? You can't leave me like this!" "Morning!"

He handed me one of the mugs. On reflex I took a large sip of coffee only to discover it was red wine. It took me by surprise and I almost sprayed his white sheets with red mist of wine, but instead got some down my lungs and started to cough.

"Is this really the best you can think of?" he said. At first I had no idea what he meant. Then, still coughing, I realized it was my body again. The one I used to fly here, check into the hotel, and go out to nightclubs with.

"I... It's awfully inconvenient if I tried to leave with a different body." "That's it? That's the only reason?"

I felt stupid and unsure what to say. I liked my body, so why was it so hard to defend it? He took a large sip from his coffee mug of wine and climbed into bed next to me, but standing on his knees looking down on me.

"When's your flight back?" "Eh, in... On Sunday." "Plenty of time to let loose. How about going to the beach like this?"

This time I noticed the shift. The bed sagged down a bit under the extra load and I didn't even have to look in the mirror to see the freakish muscles. Two huge chest muscles peeked into my field of vision, and moving my arm I could see it was thicker than what my legs used to be.

I felt light-headed as we walked down to the beach. Probably the wine. He was subtle and classy, black Nike sneakers, black boardshorts, and a white T-shirt. I was anything but subtle. Probably twice his mass, annoying flip flops that flipped and flopped every step, white compression shorts that looked blindingly bright against my deep tan, a purple thong that peeked up over the rim of the shorts by the hips, visible because the neon yellow tank top was cropped above the belly button to show off the abs. The stringer waved for every step as my obscene pecs push out the yellow fabric like a hanging flag. It touched my body in surprisingly few places. Top of the traps and the nipples more or less.

After spending a few hours getting everyone passing by on the beach to turn their heads to observe the freak show he asked me to play floatation device for him. We went out in the water and did our best to have sex just outside where the waves broke. I think anyone who paid close attention could tell what we did, but no one could be really sure. He didn't appear to care.

"I made you something," he whispered. "What?" "A surfer," he said and begun walking towards the beach. As I wiped my long hair out of my face I understood he changed me again. No more shaved head, no more enormous meat slab. I still had a six-pack, I was still 6'-something, and my skin was deeply tanned, but that's about where the similarities ended. "Why?" I asked as I lied down on the beach towel next to his. "First dive bar opens soon, and I thought this would play better to the crowd." I was feeling woozy. "We want to play to the crowd?" He reached over and squeezed the pec closest to him. "Well, make them jealous at least."

There was something nagging at the edge of my thoughts. Some question I felt I needed to ask. I just couldn't quite put it into coherent thought.

"Did you drug me?" He made a high-pitched "Mmmm" sound. "Just a bit. To fit with the rest. Just go with it."

I shut my eyes, relaxed, and let his hand stroke me. I don't know how long we lied like that. Not too long, because the sun hadn't moved that much, but I sure did dozed off.

"Come on!" he said, like it was asking me to hurry up for the third time. A bit confused I got up from the beach towel. I wore a pair of eye-popping turquoise board shorts with black pattern and trim. Neon turquoise, if such a color was a thing. I knew it had a real trade name, but somehow it kept slipping my mind. They had a good fit, not loose, not tight, but rode low on my lithe body. Fuzzy pubes peeked out over the waistband, like a little forest edge where the treasure trail from the belly button ended. I looked around for a shirt or something to put on, but there was nothing except for a pair of flip-flops. These didn't look as cheap and fit much better than the previous pair though.

"Is that it?" I asked incredulously. "What more do you need?" he said, and looked at me like he wanted me for dinner. "Come!"

The bar wasn't far away and already busy when we arrived. He almost danced in, basically dragging me in, holding my hand. I was woozy from whatever I was drugged with, but in a way that made everything look amazing to me. In any direction I looked I was delighted by what I saw, no matter how mundane. The bar was not even half full and everyone looked as relaxed as you would expect from a bar half a block from the beach, though no one else was bare-chested. The decor was a random mix of styles, as expected by a dive bar. Tables for two or four were lined up in front of the bar at the back of the room. From a backroom somewhere behind it pumped music. I looked at my watch to see if it was already dance time, but I was only wearing a red nylon cord as a bracelet.

"You must be thirsty after a day in the sun," he said and handed me an Aperol Spritz. I could have sworn he hadn't left me for the bar, but then I didn't really trust my senses. We took a table for four and sat next to each other, facing the rest of the room. "So, tell me about your day," he continued, as if he hadn't been there for all of it.

For whatever reason I found it hard to figure out where to start, like it was all jumbled together despite nothing of consequence had happened. I began to describe how I had woken up in bed and how he surprised me with breakfast. How I had mistaken the red wine for coffee. I could feel his hand moving down my abs and into my board shorts. As he pulled out my erect cock from the shorts my immediate thought was of surprise. I hadn't realized I was hard. I continued to talk about how we went to the beach, while he was jerking me off with one hand under the table. It then hit me that I had no idea what my dick looked like, if it was big or small. I had never seen it. He had transformed me somehow into this surfer. How could I have forgotten something so monumental.

At that point I shot my load under the table. Four or five large pumps. I was suddenly aware again that there were people around us, and looking around tried to figure out if any of them could see I had my dick out. At the same time I was still feeling high or whatever it was. "I'll get a refill," he said, stood up and headed for the bar. I decided to put my dick back into the shorts.

"Hey, dude. Is he like your boyfriend?" someone standing next to me asked. How long had he been there? He was handsome, not quite as tall as I was now, but more muscled. The tight billabong shirt didn't hide much. "Him? No. We just..." I was trying to think of a good word. I wasn't sure what he was, or what was happening at all really. "Wanna check out the dance floor?" "Yeah... Yeah, I would."

I followed him towards the bar, and away to the side into the dance room. It was far from packed, but we were not alone at least. Immediately I regretted following him there, even before he started moving to the music. Once he did I knew I would look silly. I started to mimic his moves best I could. He smiled a crooked smile, though not an unkind one, when he saw what I was doing. He leaned forward and barely audible over the music asked "Are you up for a second round?"

"What do you mean?" I asked back. "I saw what that other dude did to you. I live nearby, if you want to try something that isn't over in minutes."

In the door opening I see him standing with two large drinks in his hands. He looks emotionless, which in itself was a scary contrast to how he looked before. He then drinks one of the drinks in one go, then immediately empties the other one as well. No sooner has he turned away with two empty glasses when I feel a desperate need to take a piss. He's fucking with me.

"Don't go anywhere," I say and dash towards to men's room.

It's empty. I go to the lone urinal and yank my dick out of the white thong. I'm confused, but happy I got there in time to relieve myself. Why am I wearing only a white thong to a bar? As the piss is streaming for longer than I can ever recall I look down my bare smooth legs and find a pair of eye-catching red hightops. When I'm finally done I have a look at myself in the mirror. Cute, young Latino boy with a red baseball cap on his unkempt hair, and a grey shirt. The shirt in a way makes the thong stand out even more and look intentionally inappropriate. Perfect!

I return to the dance floor and find the guy waiting. "There you are. Let's go!" he says, almost demanding. He doesn't say anything on the way to his apartment two blocks away. I keep looking his way, and it feels like my dick is growing bigger every time I look at those muscled arms. His pace is brisk without being conspicuous, he clearly wants us to get to his place as quickly as possible without being seen. In through an unlocked entrance, up two flights of stairs, and in through his apartment door.

As soon as he whisked me in and closed the door behind us he grabs me, shoves me into the wall next to us, and forcefully kisses me on my mouth. "You fucking whore! I'm so fucking horny you better know what you're doing."

He snores loudly again. I had tried to ignore it to spend a few more hours in the bed, but it's getting pointless to try to sleep any more. I carefully get up and get dressed. No need for a shower, now that everything dried. I make a final check I got everything with me that I brought in. There is that nagging feeling that I'm missing something. Well, whatever it was it can't be important. Quietly I exit his apartment and make my way out of the building. I feel restless being so quiet and calm, like it is unnatural for me to be that way. I basically explode in emotions as I exit the building and literally dance down the last few steps.

I try to think what to do next. My mind is like a spinning punch bowl of thoughts and I'm only able to fish out simple verbs. Party! Drink! Dance! Fuck! The sun is barely up, but perhaps I can find some nightclub still open.

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akawrites000 · 3 years

Text

Thief

Hero reluctantly blinked their eyes open. Still half asleep, they frowned against what had to be the first light of dawn creeping in through a small gap between the curtains.

Why would they be awake at-

A glimpse at the alarm clock on their bedside table informed them that it was 6:18 am. Still so early.

Way too early to even consider getting up.

They tried and almost succeeded to drift off to sleep again, until the rustling of fabric and a kick to their leg made falling back asleep impossible.

Ugh, waking someone up this early on a Sunday should be against the law…

With a soft groan, Hero threw a look over their shoulder at Villain who kept thrashing around like a little kid on their side of the bed.

By the time Hero had fully turned around to check if their partner was having a nightmare, all the annoyance had melted away already, leaving only concern and worry.

But luckily, it didn’t seem like Villain was having a really bad dream. Their face did show a tiny little frown, yet not a thoroughly troubled expression.

“Hero… hero…”

“Huh?”

Villain’s lips moved, mumbling something incomprehensible under their breath. Hero stared at them, mesmerised. Any prospect of sleep was now gone from Hero’s mind, evaporated at the sight of their partner’s lovely mouth.

Villain shifted, pulling at the blanket.

"They're stealing my fries, dosomethingaboutit"

It took a moment for Hero to process what Villain had just said. When everything clicked in their head, they almost burst out laughing and quickly had to hide their face in their pillow to stifle the sound of their giggling. Hero didn't want to make too much noise and accidently wake Villain up.

Seeing their partner dream about stolen food was somehow so damn adorable, the urge to tease them was nearly irresistible.

"Who's stealing your fries baby? I'll make sure to keep an eye out for them during my patrols."

Of course Villain didn't answer, caught up as they were in that dream of theirs and squirming further underneath the blanket.

A gentle touch from Hero onto their shoulder instantly soothed them and tracing small circles seemed to help Villain sleep more calmly.

Hero smiled at them fondly.

"If you keep thrashing around like that, you'll be exhausted when you wake up, and... we'll never be able to catch that fries thief.", they whispered, voice low and breathy.

That seemed to have satisfied Villain's subconscious, as they slowly moved towards them, curling up against Hero’s chest.

A pleasant warmth spread through their entire body as Hero kissed the top of Villain’s head, inhaled the scent of their partner’s favourite shampoo, and listened to the sound of their breathing.

Hero sighed contentedly.

Their smile at that moment could have rivalled the stars, as they put an arm around their lover and fell peacefully back asleep.

I had the loveliest time collaborating with @kaiwewi to write this and give you guys some fluff for a change xD Their writing style is amazing and it's such an honour <3 Please do check out their page for some great writing you all:)

#heroes and villains #hero x villain #villain x hero #kaiwewi #akawrites000 #collab #creative writing #writing snippet #writeblr #hero is whipped #adorable and cuddly villain #fluff #<3

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superhero--imagines · 3 years

Text

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here! / Part 11 Here! / Part 12 Here! / Part 13 Here! / Part 14 Here! / Part 15 Here! / Part 16 Here! / Part 17 Here! / < This is Part 18!>

Donate to Move to Higher Ground HERE!

* Your eyes open, and your hand flies to your throat

* You’re thirsty

* You sigh as you sit up in your bed a little annoyed, you were having such a good dream too

* Only when you look to your night stand to grab your blood bottle, past it you see Edward sitting in your desk chair

* “What are you doing?” Your voice is gravely, and you don’t wait for a response before uncapping your bottle and taking a sip

* Edward fidgets, his hands tugging with the sleeves of his shirt

* “I like watching you sleep” he admits with a shrug and a boyish quirk of the lips.

* Of course the dork likes watching you pretend to sleep

* Somethings haven’t changed from the books at least

* Maybe he’s part owl or something

* “Ugh, it’s already Sunday where does the weekend go?” You mumble, it’s around 3 am right now

* To be fair you know half your Saturday went in self loathing in a tree, and the other half spent with your entire coven congratulating you and Edward on your new relationship

* “I call (Y/N) as my sibling the next time we move!” Emmett grins

* “That’s not fair, I was going to make them my sibling.” Jasper pouts

* “You already have Rosalie don’t get greedy”

* And then they all basically tried to plan out your wedding.

* So the pressure is on

* At least you still have all Sunday before you have to face everyone at school though. You haven’t even tried to look at your phone

* “Edward,” he perks up at the sound of your voice “were they really thinking vile thoughts about me?”

* His eyebrows thread together, head tilting to the side

* “Mike and Conner, you said they were thinking vile thoughts when you...came to get me.”

* It’s been bothering you for some time, Conner you can understand, but Mike?

* You feel....betrayed

* Edward averts his eyes, you’re half hoping he was lying to you and that he was just upset you were kissing other people

* “Were they thinking of r*ping me?” The second the words fall out of your lips he scampers closer, the chair screeching behind him.

* “No! No of course not-at least I don’t think so-“ His hand cups your face, the other cards through your hair. He sits on the edge of your bed carefully

* “They were thinking of taking you...”

* oh well that’s no so bad.

* “At the same time”

* So that’s a little worse

* “So they were thinking about a threesome?” Edward winces at the word but nods

* You let out a sigh of relief, a threesome is still kinda sketchy but that’s just normal teenage boy brain for you

* “At the time I didn’t appreciate their...vivid thoughts but” he looks into your eyes, like two pools of gold. “Maybe you wanted that.”

* He had acted instinctively upon seeing their thoughts, but in reality he wasn’t much better

* He had imagined that same needy expression on your face dozens of times

* Maybe... you might have enjoyed an experience like that. After all two lovers are better than one

* He’s stuck in his own self loathing until he hears you laugh.

* You’re actually laughing at him!

* He’s worried that you missed out on a vital human experience and you’re laughing!

* The nerve

* And yet, he feels his heart flutters when he see’s you smile at him

* “No, I’m good.” You laugh, and he feels himself let out a sigh of relief.

* “What about Jessica? Does she hate me now” Edward shakes his head

* “I think she might have a bit of a crush on you now.” He grins at your confused expression

* Well that’s unexpected

* You know you can’t really sleep but you feel exhausted, completely emotionally drained

* You snuggle back into the covers And pat the space on the bed beside you

* “Sleep with me?”

* Your face feels uncomfortably hot when you realize what you just said. “I just meant like-dream with me-not um no-“

* “I know what you meant” Edward says with a small smile

* He lies down on the other end of the bed, at least five feet away from you

* “You can come closer, you’re my boyfriend now, boyfriend privileges”

* Boyfriend

* He’s always thought the word was garish.

* A boy who was your special friend, how idiotic. But hearing the word tumble from your lips makes him unbelievably happy

* “What are boyfriend privileges?” He repeats carefully. Shifting so he is lying beside you

* “Normal couple stuff I guess, kissing, hugging, public affection-“

* and sex stuff

* “So I get to be as greedy with you as I want?”

* You feel your face grow warm at the thought of Edward being as greedy with your body as he wants

* The way his hands would feel as they ghost over your body, his sweet rosemary and argon scent filling the air

* You can’t manage to get out words so you just nod, and he grins

* “Let’s go out tomorrow”

* To like a hotel or?

* “We can go to the aquarium in Seattle, I think it’s supposed to rain so something indoors would be good.”

* Oh like greedy with your time

* That seems more on brand for Edward tbh

* “The aquarium sounds nice”

* You curl into his chest, breathing in his scent deeply. He feels warm, not as warm as a human, but soothing in its own right. A gentle warmth, like the warmth from a candle

* You feel so safe here with him. You feel yourself drift off into sleep, and Edward’s arms tentatively wrap around you

* Your weight is pressed against him, and he can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to have you pressed against him even more

* Your hands clawing at his chest as you plead

* “Great now I’m the one having vile thoughts” he murmurs to himself

* You both sneak out early in the morning, while all your other coven members are still preoccupied

* “Grab a couple blood bags and I’ll get some tumblrs” you nod, shoving it all quickly in his nike backpack, and you both practically jog to your jeep.

* The drive feels a lot shorter than you remember, it’s only 10 when you get there.

* You sigh as you get out, you’re wearing faded blue jeans and a black coat that cinches at the waist

* Edward is dressed in a similar fashion, faded blue jeans, white shirt and a leather jacket

* Both of you wearing sunglasses

* You don’t miss the looks you get as you walk across the parking lot. You already get a lot of attention as is with the hot pink Barbie jeep

* But you and Edward together look like something straight out of a magazine catalog

* “Did you already buy tickets?” You ask, your arm linking through his.

* “Yeah, we just have to pick them up at the box”

* It’s actually pretty busy, it is a weekend day though so it’s to be expected

* “(Y/N)?” You turn to the voice and feel like the wind got knocked out of you

* “Jessica, Bella...” and there’s someone else with them, brown skin and long dark hair.

* Well he’s kinda hot, for a human that is

* “What are you doing here?”

* They’re like the weirdest group for a Sunday hang out

* “My Dad had some tickets, he was going to come with my mom but I guess they got in a fight or something.”

* You get the feeling that there’s more to it than that, but you’re just happy she’s talking to you after you kissed her without consent

* “Oh um , this is Jacob we’ve been friends since we were kids.”

* So this is Jacob, he looks older for his age.

* “Hey Jacob nice to meet you, I’m (Y/N)” you extend your hand and you see him stiffen for a second

* Yeah that sounds about right. All humans get afraid when they first me et you, you are technically their natural predator after all. He seems to get over it and grasps your hand

* “Hey, nice to meet you”

* “Do you go to school with us?”

*You know he doesn’t, but you’ve found it best to pretend in this situation.

* You glance at Edward who hiding a twitching smile, looks like he heard something interesting

* “No I go to school on the res, I’m a sophomore.”

* Oh a sophomore, younger man is more her speed huh? And they’ve been friends for years, he’s to her what Edward is to you

* You ship it

* “Do you guys want to join us?”

* You can feel Edward’s eyes piercing you in the back. Yeah you know this is a date, and he probably wants some quality time with you or whatever-

* But it’s not like you’re f*cking after or anything

* And honestly you kinda wanna see how this whole Bella-Jacob ship plays out

* “Well I don’t-“ Bella starts

* “We’d love to!” Jessica interrupts, and then taking a nervous glance at Edward she adds:

* “That is if you don’t mind?”

* Queue everyone looking at Edward. He looks at you, a small pout bowing onto your lips and let’s out a deep sigh

* “No of course not, I’ll get the tickets and meet you at the gate.” He says with a resigned smile

* He leans down, catching your lips in his. You know you don’t have a beating heart, but you feel it stutter when he pulls away and smiles at you

* “See you in a bit daring” and then he walks towards the empty “reserved pass” line

* Darling?

* DARLING???

* (Y/N).Exe is broken

* And you would stay broken if Jessica and Bella didn’t each grab a shoulder and shake you.

* “Oh my god what was that?!?!” Jessica shrieks

* “Are you guys like...dating now?” Bella grins

* “Yeah, I guess we are?” The human part of you understands that you’ve just agreed you feel the same, and that you have just started a relationship

* But the vampire part of you, the primal part, knows it’s so much more than that

* He’s your mate

* And saving any major changes, he is yours for as long the universe will permit

* “Wait are you guys on a date right now?” Jessica asks, and it pulls you right out of your thoughts

* She’s worried she’s intruding

* “No-I mean maybe? Honestly we both just wanted an excuse to get out of the house.” You sigh

* “Are the rest of the Cullen’s not taking it well?”

* You do live together, and you’re at that age. Sure Emmett and Rosalie and together, but that seems to be under more transparent circumstances

* So imagine her surprise when you card your fingers through your hair

* “No they’re taking it too well!”

* Last night you basically rotated between coven members as they all told you how happy they were you were with Edward now

* “Honestly I thought the nerd would never find the nerve” Emmett confided in you

* “Eleazer you’ll never guess what happened....we’re going to be brothers!” You had heard Carlisle tell Eleazer over the phone before breaking down into tears

* “Carlisle stop crying, the venom is going to make a hole in the floor.” Esme shouted before turning her attention back to you

* “So what colors do you like (Y/N)? I’m partial to gold and white myself-“ she said pointing the color combination examples in her wedding book

* They were driving you crazy.

* “Carlisle keeps rotating between smiling and crying because ‘two kids are leaving the house’ and Tanya called to give me the most smug speech about it- I just need a break.”

* You sigh

* “Wait-did all of this happen after the party?” Bella asks with a smile creeping onto her face

* Before you can answer though, you see Edward walking towards you

* “We’ll talk about this later” Jessica whispers, not that it matters, going on the smirk on Edward’s lips he already heard everything

* “So Tanya called you huh?” He whispers in your ear when the others move ahead

* His breath fanning against your ear causes your stomach to flip. You’ve been around him so long, you almost started to forget how hot he was.

* “Yeah, she’s basically hoping I crush your heart so she can get revenge.”

* You’re mostly joking, but given past history, you know she wouldn’t mind if that’s how things turned out anyway

* “That’s fair.” He looks almost sad. What the hell happened between them to make him like this?

* You want to ask, but you feel like now isn’t the best time. Not when Jessica and Bella are a mere five feet away arguing about whether to see the jellyfish or penguins first

* So you do the only thing you can: You reach out and hold his hand, squeezing it slightly. Edward doesn’t say anything, he just squeezes back

* It’s a pretty nice day, Bella’s dad bought her a digital camera so you take a bunch of cheesy pictures around the aquarium

* “Oh try to get one like a shark is eating us! Like I’m in Jaws!”

* “You know they’re an endangered species and that stupid movie doesn’t help right?”

* “There is no ethical consumption under capitalism Bella”

* Edward just makes a pained expression as he holds up the camera. All he wanted to do was go on a date with his significant other

* “Girls am I right?” Jacob asks, extending his bag of popcorn

* For a second you think Edward might hate him, but instead a smile arch’s onto his face

* “You have no idea.” He smiles, taking a few kernels.

* Aw, it’s Edward’s first human friend 💖

* You kinda wish you were the one with a camera now, or at least a smart phone

* Instead you settle for a grainy picture on your flip phone. They both look at you like confused puppy's when the shutter clicks

* “Aw that’s a cute one” Jessica coo’s

* “You even got a shark in the back” Bella says pointing to a blurry gray blob in the background

* It’s a good day

* You’re almost sad when you have to part at the end

* “You sure you guys don’t want to come with us? Jessica’s dad is letting us have his reservation at the revolving restaurant in the space needle”

* You and Edward exchange a look

* “Nah it’s fine, I’m pretty sure Esme is wondering when we’re coming home”

* “She’ll be pissed if we eat there without here.” You add for good measure

* “Well alright we’ll see you at school tomorrow” Jessica says with a wave, and you smile

* “See you tomorrow”

* Looks like things are back to normal

* Edward drives on the way back

* You hold the plush sea turtle close to your chest as you watch him

* He really is handsome, chiseled cheekbones and full rosy lips. To add he has that mane of auburn hair, and that irresistible splatter of freckles across his nose

* The prettiest boy you’ve ever seen

* “I can feel you staring” he says with a smile twitching onto his lips. Oh god you want to kiss that stupid smile right off his mouth

* “What went wrong with you and Tanya?”

* Way to kill the vibe

* “I’m sure Tanya told you all about it.” He shrugs. There’s that sad look again

* “I want to hear about it from you though”

* And Edward might have denied you if your hand hadn’t found his, resting on top of it

* He grins

* You don’t play fair, do you?

* He sighs, squeezing your hand while keeping his eyes on the road

* “I just...didn’t like the way she thought about me”

* “Like you were a piece of meat?”

* He laughs

* “Like I was some charity case besides-“ he stops abruptly, looking at you before swallowing hard. “Never mind”

* “No tell me!” You lean forward cradling your hand intertwined with his against your chest and he chuckles, you really don’t play fair

* “ I didn’t-I don’t feel attraction to people unless-“

* He looks into your eyes, and you feel his fingers squirm against yours

* “Unless we’re friends first”

* Oh, he’s asexual.

*Or demisexual.

* Somewhere on the spectrum for sure

* Is he coming out to you right now?

* You give his hand a squeeze

* “I get that.”

* You want to smack yourself.

* The boy you love just came out to you about his sexuality and all you can say is ‘I get that’

* You feel so useless

* But Edward doesn’t let you feel useless for too long, he squeezes back looking at you with such warm eyes

* And again you can’t help but think that even though his heart doesn’t beat anymore, he looks so human

* He’s just pulled into the driveway at the house, the car parked. He’s about to say something when you cut him off, tugging him closer to you and placing your lips on his

* If he’s surprised he doesn’t show it, placing his free hand on your shoulder and leaning a bit closer to you

* He’s so careful and gentle...and dazzling

* He’s barely touching you but you can feel yourself seeing stars

* That thing he does with his tongue-it’s indescribable

* Are you sure he’s a virgin?!?

* You can’t help the sigh that passes your lips when he pulls away. You’re still in a daze when he pulls you into his lap, one leg straddled on each side

* His head is tilted back, an easy smile on his mouth.

* You suddenly feel shy, that look in his eyes should be illegal

* “So-“ you lean back a bit “do you-um-do you have feelings like that for me?”

* He tilts his head to the side in confusion and you gulp

* “Y’know sexually speaking”

* He actually laughs at you

* Right there, when you’re only a handful of inches away from his face

* But you’re not annoyed, instead all you can feel is a rush of affection

* His eyes crinkle at the ends, his pearly white fangs sparkling as he grins. Your hands cup his face as he looks up at you with adoration

* You can imagine the rosy blush that would light his face so clearly, the deep emerald green of his eyes. You’re almost starving for the image you see in your mind to be real

* He pulls you out of the image with a simple touch. His arms wrapping around your waist to pull you closer

* “I - like the rest of the entire student population at Forks High School- find you absolutely bewitching”

* The way he says it makes you shiver, and Edward’s hand trails up your back.

*He sits a little straighter, bouncing you slightly in his lap as he does, so you’re looking straight into his eyes

* “I find it hard to believe you don’t know that I have been dying inside everyday watching you walk around in those short shorts you love so much,” he whispers in your ear.

*“That I haven’t been dying to absolutely ravish you .”

* You gulp.

* It’s all you can do when he’s looking at you like that

* If you thought Garrett’s bedroom eyes were intense, then Edward is on an entire different level

* You feel your heart stutter, butterflies erupting in your stomach...and something else

* A certain heat you haven’t felt in a long time

* You’ve never seen him look at anything like that, like he’s hungry-

* Starving even

* His lips brush against your neck, trailing down to your collar bone and you sigh

* He really knows everything about you doesn’t he? All your sweet spots, all your stories, every one of your secrets.

* Your hand trails up his chest, entangling in his hair and a low gasp tumbles from his lips

* And then your phone rings

* You hear him groan, and you shake your head

* “Ignore it” you mumble, your mouth meeting his once more

* And you continue on for a few moments, until his phone rings

*He pulls away from you with a groan

* “Rosalie’s calling me a long list of profanities right now” he mumbles, you sigh pulling away to lean against the steering wheel

* It’s probably for the best, no point in getting too turned on when you knew he was going to say ‘you should wait until marriage’

* Like honestly, he died, and you died, and now you live an alternative lifestyle where literally nothing matters anymore

* But you’ll respect his wishes

* “Guess we should go inside” You sigh, you move to get off of him

* But just as your about to crawl off, he tugs you to face him once more

* His thumb brushes over your cheek, and those deep gold eyes bore at you with that same intensity as before

* He pulls you in for one last kiss, before getting out of the car and closing the door behind him

* “We’ll pick up where we left off later.”

* (Y/N).exe is broken

* You walk to the house slowly, like humans do

* “Are you ready?” He asks, holding out his hand

* You smile, placing your hand in his and nodding

* “Ready”

* So imagine your surprise when you and Edward get inside, hand in hand, to find the entire coven is laughing in the living room.

* From where you’re standing you can only see Carlisle

* “Ah your home! Come, I want you both to meet someone-“

* You move forward but Edward stays rooted to the spot

* Three people come into view, a woman with flaming red hair, a man -no older than 25- with rich mahogany skin, and a dazzling young man with hair the color of the sun.

* “Meet our new friends, Victoria, James and Laurent”

* You turn to look at Edward, his mouth pinched into a frown

* Well F*ck

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#twilight #twilight saga #twilight fanfiction #twilight headcanon #twilight imagine #edward cullen imagine #edward cullen x reader #edward cullen headcanon #jacob black #jacob black imagine #jacob black x bella swan #bella swan imagine #bella swan headcanon #midnight sun #superhero-imagines

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