#Feel a little less guilty about it seeing it in a poem | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

laurasimonsdaughter · 1 year

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Florence watches Chris brush her hair in front of the floor-length mirror. There is something utterly, timelessly charming about a woman thoughtfully brushing her hair. It’s one of the treasured moments that make her feel less tied to her age, less tangled up in history. This – smooth, careful strokes combing through long, raven tresses – is a moment that might as well have occurred a century ago. Even though the brush wouldn’t have been plastic then, and undercuts were not yet in fashion.

Even from across the room she can hear Chris’ heart beating, strong and warm and alive. It’s such a common sound. So normal, so human. Everything she is not.

“You better not be making yourself guilty again.” Chris directs two reproachful eyes Florence’s way, her head still slanted and her fingers still combing through her hair. “I can’t be having that.”

Florence shakes her head, but Chris’ dark eyes narrow and she sweeps across the room to sit down on her lap, all sun-kissed skin and perfumed hair. She winds her arms around Florence’s neck.

“You know Goethe, right?” she asks.

“Mm,” Florence hums, more than a little distracted. “Nice guy, a touch dramatic.”

Chris pokes her in the ribs, making her squirm. “Shut up you didn’t know, Goethe. You weren’t alive in 1832, much less undead.”

“I know of Goethe, yes,” she relents, smiling.

“Well, he knew what was up, all the way back in seventeen-whatever.”

There’s poetry coming. Florence can see it in Chris’ eyes, in the way she draws breath, in the slightest change in her voice as she recites:

And she comes, and lays her near the boy: "How I grieve to see thee sorrowing so! If thou think'st to clasp my form with joy, Thou must learn this secret sad to know; Yes! the maid, whom thou Call'st thy loved one now, Is as cold as ice, though white as snow."

Then he clasps her madly in his arm, Then he clasps her madly in his arm, While love's youthful might pervades his frame: "Thou might'st hope, when with me, to grow warm, E'en if from the grave thy spirit came!

Florence listens, silently, her arms wrapped loosely around Chris’ waist.

“See?” Chris says. “Death means nothing love.”

“I didn’t know you when I was alive,” she says, softly, and painfully fond.

Chris face is close enough to hers for her eyes to be as deep as the night’s sky. “But you love me now.”

“Yes-”

Their kiss only lasts as long as Chris can keep down the rest of her poetry. She rests her head against Florence’s shoulder when their lips part and murmurs:

But from out my coffin's prison-bounds By a wond'rous fate I'm forced to rove, While the blessings and the chaunting sounds That your priests delight in, useless prove. Water, salt, are vain Fervent youth to chain, Ah, e'en Earth can never cool down love!

From my grave to wander I am forc'd, Still to seek The Good's long-sever'd link, Still to love the bridegroom I have lost, And the life-blood of his heart to drink;

She had never cared much for poetry. Not until she heard Chris recite it. “How does it end?” Florence asks quietly. “Your poem.”

Chris lifts her head and gives an indifferent shrug with her shoulders. “They both die, of course, it is ancient. And Goethe loved a tragedy.” She smiles. “But that won’t happen to us. I’ll join you. Some day.”

Florence sighs. Some day. She wraps her arms tighter around Chris, feeling her every breath and heartbeat. “That’s all well and good for you,” she complains. “But I have to face your mother afterwards.”

Chris laughs and it sounds like the memory of sunlight. “It’s her own fault. Tell her that if Ma scolds you.”

She rests her forehead against Florence’s, still smiling like the sun, and Florence can't help but smile back, fangs and all.

“If she didn’t want me to fall in love with you...she shouldn’t have named me Christabel.”

#sometimes you just gotta go full poetic romantic nonsense #wlw romance #vampire #vampires #monster/human #laura drabbles #the poem is The Bride of Corinth by Goethe translated by Edgar Alfred Bowring #I'll put a link in the replies #I found this poem while looking for inspiration for a story I'm writing with a friend #and it's just too good

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queendomkey · 8 days

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Alternative title: The Good, the Bad, and the Bolter.

Fresh Out the Slammer is a slow burner of a song, I feel. The two note interval (a half step upwards) that opens Fresh Out the Slammer is directly a reference to The Ecstasy of Gold, the theme of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. If you're thinking cowboys and spaghetti westerns, you're thinking of Good, Bad, Ugly. This, directly following But Daddy I Love Him's "I forget how the west was won," very quickly ties the two songs together. Swift tells us how our speaker got into her scandalous situationship, and perhaps explains why she clung to it so viciously.

TTPD, as I said in my letters, is an album in conversation with itself.

The metaphor is fairly straightforward. In fact, it's kind of my favorite part of the song. The symbolism cuts directly the chase, and single mindedly runs towards this one idea: freedom, dressed up in cowboy dreams. It belies the rest of the song's tone - the speaker, much like her imagery, is running with only one thought: Escape.

The speaker's previous relationship, once her safe birdcage, had become a jailhouse, and the speaker is out on parole. There's an interesting element of spite, and resentment, towards her previous lover. She views him as the slammer, the relationship had "splintered back in winter" and now, it's summer as thunder rolls.

An element that is brought up later in the album (namely in Guilty as Sin?) is this idea of emotional infidelity. Its seeds, however, are sewn here. We see it with both parties: The Slammer was "with her in dreams," ( her being implicitly another woman) and the Speaker swirls her new lover "into all of [her] poems."

Her new lover isn't really the focus of the speaker's attention, instead, she is. The song is about leaving a relationship she felt so totally crushed by (In the shade of how he was feeling / years of labor, locks, and ceilings.) She refers to her previous romance with the Slammer as doing her time, a model prisoner, itching for release.

In the second verse and its pre-chorus, the speaker tells us how she "[tossed] the ashes off the ledge," and using context clues, the ashes refer to only one thing: the prison she once called home. It also mirrors the idea of spreading the ashes of a loved one, but "tossed" is a much less ceremonious verb. The kind of send off for someone you won't be mourning.

Interestingly, the speaker is warned about her new lover. "My friends tried, but I wouldn't hear it." Perhaps they're aware her rebound isn't the healthiest, and she'll be regretting her actions later. For now, though, the speaker is happy to stretch her legs and run.

In the bridge, the speaker tells us where she bolted to, and the imagery is so small town. The house where you still wait up in that porch light gleams, at the park where we used to sit on children's swings. She sees the new lover as a return to classic form, despite her friends' warnings.

The bridge ostensibly ends the song, on a fascinating note. Wearing imaginary rings with her new lover. I believe, linguistically, this is part of the sentence "at the park where we used to sit on children's swings," saying that far, far back in time, she imagined they'd be married. But to end the song on that note, and then the repeated refrain, it's a little telling.

She ends the song assuring herself. But it's gonna be alright, I did my time.

#ttpdminutes #the cassandra speaks #fresh out the slammer #taylor swift

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blorb-el · 2 years

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saw your post about the things you'd like to see in a superman story and now i'm curious about the nsfw version 👀 if you'd like to share ofc!

mmm. see I have tried not to nsfw on this blog but you know what. fuck it. if famous author vladimir nabokov wrote a horny superman poem and had the absolute temerity to make it good and then send it to the new yorker and ask them to publish it for money in 19fucking42... (x) then i can do whatever i want on my blog

anyway. some Concepts. this turned out as less fic ideas and more personal headcanons. LONG post since i mostly haven’t talked about this. all of these are Free Real Estate if anyone is inspired by them

Even more for nsfw headcanons than sfw, I am above all interested in what the author is interested in. like, choking does nothing for me in and of itself, but everyone was so dang enthusiastic about it that now i'm invested and would absolutely read That Fic

for nsfw headcanons I have two different headcanon versions of clark for any piece of dc media. (yes this is how my brain works. blorbo all the way down). one looks identical to or nearly identical to a human. usually a cis man, however trans man clark also very good. the other has genitals that cannot be mistaken for human, usually some kind of retractable system. plus or minus some good ol' tentacles depending on the vibe. I went a little more into this + the Kryptonian names for such parts here. most of my headcanons are for alien biology clark, but going into a fic I think of any alien biology as a bonus, I don't expect it (there are, after all, a whole bunch of canon panels that go He Looks Totally Human No Xeno Here Guys!!. Every time I see one of these I like to imagine that some poor sucker at DC has seen something they do not like in the alien biology tag on ao3.)

A Clark who looks human I think is fairly well adjusted, he's had sex, he knows what he likes and what he doesn’t even if he may have hangups about asking for it. A Clark pre-serious relationship that doesn't look human, I hc has either not had sex or has only ever had sex with his clothes on and without being touched himself, only giving (for some reason allstar gives me this vibe) (sidenote: i do not mean to imply that this is not a perfectly valid and fulfilling sex life for many people!). he does genuinely enjoy being a service top. he just would also like to be in a relationship with someone who he could trust with his identity...

then he meets Lori in college (lori lemaris, for the uninitiated, is precrisis superman’s hot mermaid college gf, which is a sentence that rules. she should come back in a comic not written by frank fucking m*ller). alien4mermaid. for the first time he’s in a relationship with someone who not only knows that he’s not human but is not human herself. When she has to return to Atlantis it breaks his heart (canon). this ties into my Ideal Superman Timeline, where this is where he leaves college, at the end of his sophomore year, and scrapes together the rest of his degree with remote credits while traveling the world, learning what doing good looks like worldwide, and Finding HimselfTM. however this post is not about that.

that’s the background I usually have in the back of my little brain when I’m writing. Other stuff, mostly superbat but relevant to clois...

despite not having much experience he’s like. annoyingly good at pleasing his partner because 1. i said so 2. he is incredibly focused on their pleasure and 3. he’s got built in biofeedback receptors.

early on i think he absolutely ties himself in knots about wanting something, being allowed to want something, and feeling strange about judging himself for wanting something. the queer experience. man’s on three levels of overthinking. like, i think he enjoys the feeling of holding his partner’s arms down or thighs apart while he’s going down on them, feeling the muscles flex against his hands, knowing he has them pinned, but at the same time feels guilty about liking it.

ultimately he’s pretty vanilla himself, but since his partner’s pleasure is so important to him, he’s open to experiment and try things out.

Again early on, I think this backfires. There are certain things he is really uncomfortable with that i don’t think he’s aware of until they come up. He doesn’t like feeling examined or scrutinized, which I think would come up with Bruce early on in their relationship. Something about an old childhood fear of being looked at too closely. For the first few times, I think he’s more comfortable with the lights off.

dcau. bruce wants to try some sort of roleplay scene involving ropes/bondage and clark goes along with it because he can tell bruce likes it, but at the same time he’s lowkey getting triggered... clark’s very good at hiding stress, but bruce notices and pauses before it goes too far. clark just lies there still as a statue for a few seconds, says the safeword (’pearl’), and just as bruce is reaching out he’s bolted straight out through the window and up and away. bruce feels like garbage. clark feels like garbage. clark comes back once he’s ready, and because bruce doesn’t press for details, clark feels safe enough to choke out a few words explaining that it reminded him of what happened on apokolips with lashina. clark Gets Help. this fixes the ENTIRE dcau from that point on and neither of them die sad and alone in bapmanbeyond.

similarly i know it’s a fic trope but i don’t think he finds depowered/blue kryptonite sex inherently more enjoyable. in my headcanon he’s grown up with his powers - while they can be overwhelming at times, they’re also comforting, and the sudden silence is distracting. Also at any given time when he’s depowered there’s a little voice in his head going ‘what if an airplane has a jet engine failure right now. do you know how many people could die? and you’re doing this to get off? selfish.’ this is a statistical improbability, of course, but it’s bronze age canon he has anxious thoughts like this.

retractable dick very handy in such emergency circumstances. the annoying thing about sex with clark is that it’s very very good 92% of the time but 8% of the time they will be deep into it and then clark will freeze, do the damn head tilt and then WOOOOSH. and his partner can’t even feel bad about it because they’re adults and both understand that saving a life is more important than an orgasm. besides he will make it up to them thoroughly.

he gets WAY better at communicating about sex and desire eventually, but only really with his partner. i think at heart he’s a modest and reserved person, i don’t think he’s ever going to be joining in “locker room talk.” (however AU where he does is incredibly funny)

("praise... 'kink'??? what do you mean praise 'kink.' what do you MEAN. are you people not praising your partners??? ARE YOU NOT LETTING THEM KNOW HOW WONDERFUL THEY ARE??? THAT'S - PEOPLE THINK OF PRAISE AS A KINK?????!!" - a man at the absolute end of his rope. facial expressions going through all five stages of grief.)

leaves hickeys on bruce’s neck, mostly because he wants to and he knows bruce is into it, but also knows the man’s got an inexhaustible supply of turtlenecks. he is aware of exactly where the turtlenecks end and does not leave hickeys higher than that. possessive streak, in a very considerate way, but still.

as he gets more secure and comfortable he loses the jealousy. possibly he enjoys the idea that bruce has so much experience and still chooses him.

if his partner says ‘do what you want with me, i’m all yours,’ i think 9/10 times it’s slow body worship and massage. sometimes not sex, sometimes it’s just too relaxing. it’s an indulgence for him to just be allowed to be slow and present. physical touch is a big love language and once he’s in a relationship he can freely give it, he loves to do just that.

the last 1/10 times is when he’s tired and stressed. he can and will pick up his partner and rail them into the mattress/against the wall/into thin air while floating. this is where the auxiliary tentacles come in handy. he gets them off though even if it’s supposed to be just about him for once, he feels too weird if he comes and his partner doesn’t.

on really really bad days his partner will pick up on how down he’s feeling and will uno reverse card and body worship him and it will make him cry a little

finally here are some panels that made me break out laughing. first off. he can tell just how hard he's getting. ah. impacted.

(action 423) imagine he's the one getting railed and it’s going Great and then all of a sudden he’s just like. “velocity - 4mph. impact pressure - 15ppi.” in his best Broadcaster Anchorman Voice. i think this would be very funny. bruce would be into it lois would NOT, however it would make her crack up laughing, which is what he'd be going for, so everybody wins. he’s a doofus at times and sex is NOT excluded from that

(WF 104) vibrators don't work on him. very sad! however. with superspeed. he IS the vibrator. (supers :handshake: flashes). I don't think he'd be much for toys himself, I think there's something very satisfying to him about body-to-body contact, but if a partner requested them he's happy to indulge them.

#januariat #thanks for the question :^)#you'd think if i could write this much as meta i COULD FINISH MY WIPS HOWEVER.#what do i even tag this as. unhinged.#nsft #superbat

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irrealisms · 5 months

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no apple but a heart liner notes

fic here if you haven't read it!

i had the idea of vitalasubz funerary cannibalism pretty immediately after seeing "cannibalism" on the prompt list. it's a good concept. but i wasn't sure if i could get it to the minimum word count (it ended up juuuuust scraping by) so i decided to write the time loop fic first and then do the cannibalism as a bonus if i felt up for it

and then one of my friends (unrelatedly! without knowing about this!) started talking about eclipse fed cannibalism on discord, and i was like Man....i should write eclipse federation cannibalism....unfortunately i only really have enough ideas for One Scene of it.....and they were like write one scene then! and i went You Know What. youre right. and wrote this in one sitting

for research for this fic i read all of @erstwhilesparrow's mcyt cannibalism fics in a row. check those out if you haven't already: double life desertduo(&/)boat boys, limlife mean gills, 3rd life desertduo, new life owen(&/)scott

i knew basically as soon as i had the idea that i wanted to do stuff with the despawn timer. how much can you eat in 5 minutes, when you're grieving and dissociating and in shock, your action spurred on only by the knowledge that whatever you don't eat will disappear forever? that this is the only way to preserve anything at all of the one you love?

in contrast i did not know until literally the day of writing it that i was gonna do something with hearts-as-hearts. it was a good idea, though.

did you know that after subz dies, vitalasy stands without moving or speaking for 50 seconds, turns slightly, and then continues standing there without doing anything or speaking for another 13 seconds. yeah. fun little canon moment. it's also 63 seconds off the 5-minute despawn timer!

the title is from quattrocento by margaret atwood, which is a great poem. idk how well it actually works for this piece thematically, it works okay i think but i'm not doing a ton with serpent imagery here (even though i could! subz and eclipse are in fact totally doing various mythological snake imageries!) or with garden-of-eden stuff? but the imagery always stuck with me when writing cannibalism stuff and i hadn't gotten to use it for a title yet and figured this was my chance

cannibalism as devotion.... cannibalism as memorial...... mm. good stuff. i should have made a way to make this Eucharistic somehow, cannibalism-as-worship doesn't show up here as much but it would've slapped.

something that didn't make it into the fic but that i did have some thoughts about is vitalasy's feelings wrt zam + subz after this. i think he's glad, on some level, that he got to eat subz and zam didn't, but also he feels kind of guilty for feeling glad, but also he's arguing to himself that he shouldn't have to feel guilty, it's not like he stopped zam from being there, zam wasn't there bc zam isn't/wasn't on their team.

other stuff that is even less fic-relevant but that i've been thinking about is that you could do a lot with "if you kill someone you get their heart" + the various meanings cannibalism can have. cannibalism as domination of an opponent. cannibalism as possession. cannibalism as respecting someone's sacrifice. killing someone and then handing them their own heart to eat, when you kill someone and give them back the heart. yeah. fun possibilities!

shoutout to ihob. nothing much to say here other than i'm glad i somehow included ihob in the vitalasubz cannibalism fic. i love ihob. i love that bacon only eats pork chops even though they're worse than golden carrots! he's on three hearts anyway, what's the added saturation gonna do! i love the dumb fucking three-way contract for its ownership. i love. ihob.

fun fact: the only other fic on ao3 tagged with subz's suicide stream is ALSO a vitalasubz funerary cannibalism fic. i genuinely did not know this until after posting. what can i say, it's a good concept.

#therapists dni #my writing #any british ants in the chat?

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dragondemoness · 2 years

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Hi! I wanted to know if I could request Akane, Ryoma, Chihiro, and Mondo with a S/O/Reader that's like Sayori?

Like Reader feels a bit neglected after they hang out with more people (because reader is their childhood friend) and one day they find Reader's poems (because their in a literature Club like how Sayori is) and it's full of dark thoughts (that do not have to be described) and then thier given the Choice™ and they choose the friendzoned path first then the next day reader,, ykyk but then they go back to the day Reader confessed and choose the other option 😊 (I'm sorry if it's too dark)

Idk if you do Anon stuff but can I be 🌼 Anon if you allow that?

(p.s this may or may not be the same person who requested the Kokona request 🤭)

Good to see you again! And yes, you can absolutely be 🌼 Anon. Welcome to the Dragon's Den!

I hope you liked the Kokona request! It was a lot of fun to write

As was this one :)

Content warning: Mentioned/Implied Suicide in each part

Akane, Ryoma, Chihiro, and Mondo with an S/O that's like Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club)

Akane Owari

You two had known each other since you were kids

You grew up in the same neighborhood, where things were kind of rough

You helped Akane with the stress she dealt with at home, as well as helping her realize that what men were doing to her wasn't okay

And she protected you from anyone who tried to prey on your happy, bubbly nature

And later, you got into Hope's Peak together, in different classes

She was always busy with gymnast biz, and was friends with almost her whole class, so she never really had time for you anymore

Naturally, this didn't feel good

Akane knew you were part of the school's literature club, so she walked to the classroom to see you

She wanted to apologize for not seeing you as much

You weren't there, but she found a notebook on the table

She instantly knew it was yours

Curious, she picked up the notebook and flipped through it

She instantly stopped when she found a particular poem

It was so dark and so depressing

She instantly grew concerned

So you've been dealing with depression, and she didn't even know?

She felt even worse for not being there

So she immediately ran out of the classroom and went to go find you

You were alone in your classroom, packing up your things

She confronted you, and you revealed that you had feelings for her

She politely declined your confession, but then swung her arm around your shoulder, grinning and promising to be around you more

You looked really depressed, but nodded and bid her goodbye

The next day, she went to your house to check on you

And what she found was... a very distressing sight

If you know, you know

At that moment, she felt worse than ever

None of this would have happened if she had just accepted your confession

And if she had been there when you needed her

Thankfully, the previous day rewinded, and she got a second chance

This time, she accepted your confession and promised to never leave you behind again

And after that, you grew even closer

She spent more time with you and supported you through your depression

She'll come visit you in the morning and bring you breakfast

She doesn't care about being late when it's you

You've been there for her, now it's her turn

Ryoma Hoshi

You know everything about him

His past, his secrets, his depression

You've seen it all

He trusts you more than anyone, and he'll go to you when he needs to talk

You were like his therapist

Little did he know, you were suffering with your own depression while helping him through his

You enrolled at Hope's Peak together, and things were fine at first

You guys still hung out when you could, as Ryoma wasn't comfortable around anyone else yet

But then he started making friends in his class, and started seeing you less and less

Part of the reason he was so distant was because he felt guilty for relying on you all the time

He wanted you to make your own friends too

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case

He passed by the literature classroom, and he noticed your notebook on the floor

Something about it felt strange, so he opened it up and flipped through it

But one poem in particular made his heart stop

And he immediately left to go find you

He found you by the entrance of the school at the end of the day

There, he learned that you had depression

He felt like an idiot for not noticing sooner

But then, you also revealed that you had feelings for him

He had no idea how to process it, and he kind of just turned and walked away without saying anything

You took it as a bad sign and it made you feel horrible

The next day, Ryoma hadn't seen you at school

He was hoping to apologize to you, for the previous day and for all the time he spent being away from you

After school, he came over to your house

And what he found in your room marked the worst, most horrible day ever

Now he felt worse than ever

There was so much he needed to say to you, and now he couldn't say it

At that point, he wasn't far behind you

Until he got his second chance, and he immediately went to fix it

He accepted your confession and swore to be there for you

He told you why he was distant and apologized

From then on, he'll never overlook your feelings again

He wants you to talk to him when you're feeling bad

You've been there for him, now he'll be here for you

And that will never change

Chihiro Fujisaki

You were there for him when he was being bullied for being "girly"

You supported his decision to cross-dress, and he appreciated every bit of it

He showed you the programs he made, even including the big artificial intelligence project he was supposed to keep secret

He trusted you with anything and everything

But when you both got into Hope's Peak, you began to drift apart

Chihiro made really good friends in his class (Mondo and Taka) and completely forgot about your after school meetings

You felt gutted

You felt like he didn't want you anymore

Your depression was getting even worse

And so, you converted all these thoughts into poems, and jammed them into your notebook

Chihiro came across the notebook as he was strolling through the hallways

He picked it up, planning to give it back to you, but a piece of paper fell out of it

It had the words "GET OUT OF MY HEAD" repeating over and over again

Feeling worried, he opened up the book and investigated

What he saw filled his eyes with tears, and he immediately ran to find you

He confronted you with what he found, and he felt awful for not noticing your depression sooner

Then you confessed that you had feelings for him

The whole thing was so much to process, and he told you he needed time to think about it

It made you feel discouraged, but you agreed and told him bye

The next morning, he came to your house to talk to you

What he found in your room completely shattered his heart

He dropped to his knees, crying and apologizing over and over again

He wanted more than anything to take it all back

And he did

The previous day rewinded, and he immediately started looking for you

He took your hands and smiled brightly, accepting your confession

He'll encourage you to talk to him whenever you need to

He'll also program his Alter Ego into your phone so you can have a piece of him when he's not there

And he'll introduce you to his friends so you don't feel left out

What he saw in your room was the most traumatizing thing he'd ever seen

But he loves you, and he'll do whatever he can to never lose you again

Mondo Owada

You had been there for everything

You were close to Mondo and his brother

So naturally, the gang liked you too

You were there when Mondo and his brother had their motorcycle race, and the accident that killed Daiya

You helped Mondo through it, and you were the only person who knew his secret

And he also defended you if anyone dared mess with you

He ain't letting nobody mess with his bestie

When you both enrolled at Hope's Peak, he started spending a lot of time with Taka and Chihiro

He didn't have time for you anymore

That hurt you more than anything

One day, he came to the literature classroom to find you

There, he found your notebook with your deepest and darkest poems

This terrified him, and as soon as he came to find you, he learned that you had been struggling with depression

Then you confessed that you had feelings for him

He was so shocked and so confused that he ended up snapping at you

Then you teared up and ran away before he could fix it

The next morning, he came to your house to patch things up

Instead, he finds your body in your room

That was the worst he's ever felt since his brother died

Another important person to him was dead

And it was because of him

But he got his second chance, and he wouldn't mess it up this time

This time, he accepted your confession

And things turned out so much better

He supports you through your depression, and he comforts you whenever you needed it

He'll come to your house and help you get out of bed, and you'll go and get breakfast before heading to school

He'll be with you whenever he can, and he'll introduce you to his friends

That way, you can be included too

Mondo will do anything to make you happy or help you feel safe with him

You were there for him, so he's gonna be here for you too

#danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #danganronpa goodbye despair #danganronpa killing harmony #akane owari x reader #ryoma hoshi x reader #chihiro fujisaki x reader #mondo owada x reader #🌼Anon

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maximumcheese · 1 year

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Playing Cards - They Stand Shoulder to Shoulder 2

Location: ES

Hiiro: I told you that…I had a talk with Tenshouin-senpai before our conversation on the phone in the rose garden, right?

Mayoi: Yes. On the car ride home…You had told us that you were in the office reading fan letters.

Hiiro: It was a confusing, unclear series of questions and answers. However, from that moment on, I really began to care.

How will I meet my fans’ expectations? How should I grant Tenshouin-senpai’s wishes? What is an idol, even?

I was told to think a lot about it, and I’ve been really thinking about until today but—

In the end, I wasn’t able to answer that question for myself. On reflection, since I was a little kid, nothing has changed.

Tatsumi: Since you were a little kid?

Hiiro: Even at that time, I would always keep thinking about what Nii-san had asked me.

At that time, I had an answer in mind, more-or-less but—

Because I didn’t want to disappoint him by saying the wrong thing, so I thought that I just wanted to think about it more carefully.

Because, if you cannot give the right answer, it’s the same as being unable to fulfill your duty. It’s only meaningful to answer the question when you have the right answer, right?

Aira: Yeah? But it’s not a problem on a test, it’s just a question, right?

It’s not like a test at school where you get a score, so isn’t it harder to give an answer that fits perfectly?

It’d make me happy to hear your thoughts on just that, Hiro-kun.

I look at you, who can do anything, and there’s times where I think to myself “What the hell is guy?” and get super frustrated.

If even Hiro-kun is worrying and thinking like this, I can see that we’re really just the similar in that way.

Hiiro: …hm. I wish I could have a flexible way of thinking like you, Aira.

This time around though, I understood that both back then and now, I’m only brooding about, and that I have no confidence in the conclusion I reached. I felt like I didn’t grow.

Tatsumi: Don’t be so hard on yourself.

While you are bold enough to take action, on the other hand, you are also capable of holding your ground to make a careful judgment—

Hiiro-san, isn’t it possible that your virtue to thoughtfully react to questions has stayed the same since you were a child?

Mayoi: That’s right. And you have had a lot of growth, too.

Compared to when we first met, you’ve grown dramatically in singing, dancing, and movements. If you can take my word for it, I can guarantee that.

Being a person who doesn’t know much about idols, I’m amazed at the amount of growth you’ve accomplished over just one summer.

Even if you’re not similar to the others, we can work on the parts that you feel inexperienced at from this point on. Because we will help you as much as you need…♪

Aira: Senpais, you’re very parent-like when you say that.[1]

Hiiro: Was that just a haiku? No, if you don’t use the seasonal word, isn’t it considered a senryu haiku?[2]

Aira: No, I’m not reciting a poem…

Hiiro: Fufu. Thank you all for really talking with me a lot.

If only I could have answered with self-confidence. If only I could have been able to take action for Alkaloid, with my own judgment…

I feel very guilty for the crisis that I have caused to everyone, and I will reflect upon my actions.

To know that I have comrades who are close to me, it’s very reassuring. I feel more light-hearted now.

Mayoi: We are happy to see your smile, too, Hiiro-san…♪

Tatsumi & Aira: ……♪

Hiiro: Like Mayoi-senpai said, I was able to grow a lot.

I’ve come to learn the common sense of the city, and of course, there are countless things I’ve gained since becoming an idol…For me too, I’m sure I figured out a couple of things, too.

I’ll think more optimistically from here on again. For a clear answer to Tenshouin-senpai, and what I can do for Alkaloid.

Tatsumi: That’s right. There is nothing that you have to face by yourself, Hiiro-san.

The fact that a good result is required of Alkaloid, it’s a problem that affects the entire unit.

Sooner or later, regardless of who started it, we would have something to confront.

Aira: I think if I had started it, and if Tenshouin-senpai had come at me like that…To be honest, it’s a scary thought.

That’s why it’s great that Hiro-kun thinks through everything and speaks up about it properly ♪ You’re fine! Have some self-confidence!

Hiiro: It’s a bit of a strange feeling to get praised by you, Aira.

Aira: Hah~? I’m trying to cheer you up here!

Tatsumi: There, there. It’s embarrassing to get praised by Aira-san, isn’t it, Hiiro-san?

Aira: Eh~? Then choose that kind of language from the start.

Mayoi: ………

Hiiro: Why are you so quiet, Mayoi-senpai?

Mayoi: While I was listening to your pleasant conversation I…I began to think again.

I thought about what I’d like to try with Alkaloid, and what I’d like to act on.

Hiiro: Did anything come to mind?

Mayoi: No…

Nothing comes to mind, so I’ve started to wonder what we can do to get something we can call a good result, and also remove the obstacles in the way of our objectives.

To put it simply, to win some sort of award. But in reality, to become so popular that you’ll have a schedule where you’re counting down by the minute—

It’s the height of being an idol…It’s not like we ourselves covet the status of being popular figures.

Aira: We're the younger generation. Yeah, we’re not really hungry for power.

I mean, have you ever thought of aiming to become one of ES' Big 3?! Honestly, I haven’t.

Tatsumi: The Big 3….Hm. If popularity ranking is visualized on the foundation of a clear, numerical value of L$, it may be an appropriate indicator of authority within ES.

Aira: But numbers aren’t everything, right?

Even for a term like “top idol”, everyone has different criteria for what makes someone at the top.

In my case, I call someone a top idol when I can point at them and call them great but…

How well they sell, their ability, popularity...Financial power? It's not like the top idols in every sphere are all the same

Mayoi: Yeah. Even after this much deliberate thinking, there’s no way that we can just come up with something so suddenly, after all…

Tatsumi: The realization seems to be setting in that viewing things from an ordinary perspective will not do—For both close goals, and far goals

Hiiro: ….That’s right but. It’s just one thing, but something came to mind for me.

Aira: Huh, when?

Hiiro: Less of being something that I want to do, it’s more of something that came to mind.

It’d be a job for everyone in Alkaloid, and not only can we act on it at once, but I have a feeling that we would rake in some good experience.

I was told it was a happening on a large scale…We should be able to get good results from it.

Aira: W-Wait a sec. Don’t leave me hanging, hurry up and tell us.

Hiiro: —Yes.

Let’s do a live. With Alkaloid, let’s participate in Underland.

In Japanese, what Aira says here is a 5-7-5 syllable pattern, which is a haiku

A senryu haiku is a type of haiku that is usually a dark comedy about human fallacies

← previous

#english translation #ensemble stars #enstars #enstars spoilers #hiiro amagi #aira shiratori #mayoi ayase #tatsumi kazehaya #alkaloid #enstars cards event story

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ambassadorarlert · 2 years

Text

let’s think about how cute secret admirer armin/cadet armin is <3

you liked being assigned to the infirmary taking care of the sick and injured soldiers. your bedside manner was excellent, always so kind and patient, attentive and understanding. Armin is always in the infirmary with a sprained this, and a twisted that, so you weren’t surprised when he rolled up with two broken legs. if he got you as a nurse any time he’s injured, he doesn’t mind a few scrapes and bruises.

it takes about four months for a leg to heal and since Armin had to break both of them, he needed a little extra time and care. and conversation. and books. you brought new books every day, because he’d stay up late at night reading. he could finish at least two, and have another started by morning. 4 months is a long time, how could Armin not develop feelings for you?

when Armin was free from his casts, that’s when the little gifts started showing up on your nightstand. poems he had written for you, about you, and flowers in small bundles, which were your favorite. every now and then, there’d be something to eat. whether it be an extra roll from the dining hall, or a pastry from the nearest town.

Armin was observant and sneaky, which makes an interesting combination. he knew that some nights, you stayed out later and chatted with your friend group. it was the perfect opportunity for Armin to disappear for a split second, hop up into your window, which was conveniently next to your bed, and place his gift right on your table.

you hadn’t put two and two together yet. it didn’t click that the gifts appeared when Armin had been released from the infirmary. you had no idea who was leaving these things for you and why. but, whoever it was, sure knew how to make you blush. you had kept every single flower and poem, pressing flowers into the envelopes they were delivered in. you tied them all together and kept them between your bed frame and mattress.

Armin would never tell anyone this. saying it out loud would warrant him immediate judgement. yes, it made him feel a little disgusted with himself, but he needed to know if you really enjoyed his anonymous presents or if he was being delusional. the window by your bed was always open. Armin would steak out outside. not close enough to be seen, but still at a distance he could see. the curiosity had been eating him alive, and finally bested him. he needed to see what you thought, just once.

and yes, it was embarrassing when your friends hovered over your shoulder as you read the poems out loud to everyone. and it was extremely embarrassing when they laughed, snickered, giggled, teased you. their opinions didn’t matter, all that Armin cared about was seeing the smile you’d have across your soft lips. it was clear to him that you really appreciated what he’d done, even if you hadn’t a clue it was Armin. It made him feel less guilty for slithering out of the bushes he was undercover in like a snake, and all the effort to get you to achieve that smile worth it.

—☾—

thank you for reading! reblogs are appreciated!

#my writing #armin arlert #aot #attack on titan #snk armin #shingeki no kyojin #aot armin #armin arlert aot #armin arlert x fem reader #armin x fem reader #armin x afab reader #armin arlert x you #armin x you #armin x gn reader #armin arlert x gn reader #armin headcanons #armin arlert headcanons #armin arlert fluff #armin fluff

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mukamibabe · 2 years

Note

i remember seeing a lot of your old richter posts when looking through his tag, so i’m so glad to see you posting again!! ><

and while i just read your rules, please feel free to delete this if you’re uncomfortable!!

could i request headcanons for richter with a male! servant that he’s slowly coming to terms with getting along with/eventually having feelings for? ( i know it’ll be so hard for him to get over cordelia, but i am the biggest simp for this man ><)

thank you so so so much, anon! thank you for your consideration, and thank you for this request that i am more than happy to answer! in fact, with how excited i am to answer this,,, it's concerning. i love richter for no good reason and he's got me in some sort of death grip fdjsdf

no tws, under a cut because again, long post. richter is my guilty pleasure so i kind of got a little lost during writing this, lol.

so, you're correct when you say it'd be difficult for him to get over cordelia. that’s very true, unfortunately but also not unfortunately because once he’s with you? he sticks with you like a leech

not very attractive sounding, but..

starting off, richter would probably feel an immediate pull towards the servant, which is super conflicting for him.

a servant, of all things? talk about a downgrade, especially when he’s already in, i guess what you would call a relationship with cordelia, someone who is literally a daughter of a demon king.

now, i guess it depends whether or not he’s realllly into cordelia or is just in the early stages where he’s just pining for her a little bit.

in this situation, i’m thinking it’d actually be more likely for him to fall for someone else while he’s having his fling with cordelia. it sounds kind of crazy, but before he’s really fallen for cordelia, it’s less likely for him to even allow himself be drawn to anyone else because he has one goal; cordelia.

richter is a true romantic at heart. does he hate it? yes. he lowkey hates himself but that’s another story for another day.

this is something he considers impossible, because how can anyone love him and make him feel as good compared to cordelia? anyone else but her just sounds impossible.

him being a romantic at knows cordelia’s way of showing love is completely off, even for vampire standards. i truly think richter is someone who has yearned for that sort of.. love where he can let his guard down and be the person he really is. a type of love where he doesn’t need to constantly feel like fighting to be good enough, the type of love where he can just be a homebody and write his poems, as he does.

being with cordelia, as we know, completely changes him and he convinces himself that everyone shows their love differently. while that’s true,,, it’s not the case for cordelia. but even if he knew that deep down, how can he get rid of something that makes him feel so.. needed?

we know this man is willing to do anything for her, just for the sake of feeling that way.

now, pushing all that aside, onto his first meeting with the servant-

as i said earlier, it’s like.. a tug that pulls him towards the servant. it’s weird, he has no idea why he feels such a strong attraction towards them. i think richter is the type to swoon for a bit if you compliment him once, but..

a servant.

a man.

both would be firsts for him.

in fact, i don’t really imagine richter being experienced in any actual romantic relationships before cordelia.

the first interaction is probably brief, and no matter who initiates it, richter only slowly becomes more needy and obsessive. because he craves actual intimacy, it won’t take long for him to realize cordelia isn’t what he wants. but, that doesn’t mean he can break away from her so easily.

the second interaction is probably more impactful, because it’s likely after his first impression (which was already kind of developed based on his somewhat random attraction towards the servant), richter will seek him out once more.

he doesn’t like that he wants to see him so badly, but richter won’t go against his own wishes. he’s sneaky, of course, as yes, he does still love cordelia but he can’t help but be curious. also, at least he is willing to face consequences if cordelia were to find out.

once richter realizes that he actually feels good in the servants company, everything escalates a lot further. richter is an obsessive man and can be very clingy, but in this scenario he does have a few issues, that being:

himself, cordelia, and the fact that the person he is attracted to is a literal servant. the servant thing is one of the biggest issues for him because he’s so tired of living in his brother’s shadow. he wants to be as good as karlheinz, and dare he say, better. him having relations with cordelia made richter feel superior because of how ‘high class’ she was considered. it’s unfortunate, but richter has to get over his own pride first, as well.

eventually, he does, after waiting for his attraction to hopefully disappear, which doesn’t happen. he could have expected such, but refused to. he tries to blame it on things like, perhaps he’s just lonely, or something along the lines of that.

it isn’t until richter completely zones out, practically daydreaming about his new interest while in the presence of cordelia. it should be impossible, but it happened.

that is what kind of pushes richter to the edge, or at least near it, in a sense.

when cordelia is finished with him and when richter is left with some time for himself, he seeks the servant out immediately and hastily. it’s a bit reckless of him, especially considering the fact that he whisks them away to somewhere private.

while that sounds quite passionate, it’s not. richter is quick to accuse him without any hesitance.

“what game are you playing at, servant?”

naturally, the servant probably responds in a confused manner- sure they’d interacted more than twice at this point, but.. what game is he playing at? what does that even mean?

to richter, if he denies any of it, richter gets a little more.. frantic.

“no.. you’re no ordinary servant. you must have done something, i know it.”

poor servant at this point is like ??? um?

richter is as quick to leave as he was to bringing the servant to that little secluded spot. he needs some time to collect himself because he truly is distraught and confused as to why he even feels this way. and to do it in cordelia’s presence? something was definitely wrong.

spoiler alert richter, it’s called attraction.

it might take some time, but eventually richter comes to peace with the idea, with the help of his creative outlet of : poetry. and writing.

he likes to explore his feelings, and this isn’t exactly one he’s used to. he almost feels free, free from cordelia’s hold on him. it’s not completely gone, he still can’t deny his feelings for cordelia, but he’s gotten to the point where he can’t refuse his feelings regarding that servant for any longer.

because cordelia frequently occupies his time, moments with richter are rare, and i think that’s why, for the brief moments richter has had with this servant, makes richter feel more strongly towards them.

after richter kind of went insane in front of the servant, regret builds within him. richter knew why he did it, and he knew he did it to just push them away. yet, it was a fail because the servant still remained close in his mind.

in true richter fashion, he seeks out the servant when they’re alone. whether he’s finishing up work for the or whatever, richter swoops in. a nervous richter, at that.

he hates to admit it, but he is putting down his pride just to apologize to the servant. the scenario he’s in currently has ran through his head hundreds of times, and he is nervous about the outcome.

“i apologize for intruding, even more so for showing my face after our previous interaction...”

“allow me to apologize. i did not mean to lash out and act so rashly.”

eventually, assuming the apology is accepted, richter asks him to follow him. for whatever reason, i’m picturing them wandering off to a quite forest, maybe with a pretty lake or something-

during the walk, richter uses this as a way to get to know the servant. and it doesn’t help his case in wanting to pursue.. whatever this is.

expect a lot of private, secret meetings. he wants to avoid being seen interacting with the servant, not only for his own sake but also for the sake of anyone else finding out. he, at the very least, would like to keep cordelia at an arms length, at least in terms of love. he’s not falling out of love with cordelia because he was never in love with her in the first place, just obsessed with the attention he got from her.

that being said, richter wouldn’t fall in love with the servant quickly, but he does get obsessive quickly. even before and after cordelia’s death, i think the situation would be relatively the same, with the exception of not having to fear cordelia from physically finding out about his little rendezvous.

the servant will start getting little gifts and letters, which are intended to be anonymous but the servant will pick up quickly that their secret admirer happens to be richter himself.

richter often regrets it afterwards, but in the end, he indulges in his own wants, at least a little bit. he knows it’s a little careless, but his infatuation with them grows heavier day by day.

richter doesn’t ever fully ‘confess’, either, but oh does he wish he could just abandon everything to go live somewhere peaceful and quiet with them. but his life does not call for that. cordelia does not call for that.

honestly, i can even see richter taking in the servant with the excuse of : haha they’re my servant now.

or, haha this is my new personal assistant.

something like that lol

is it a risk? yes, but this provides richter with the chance to be close to the servant more. he really wants this unsaid unofficial relationship to work, and he’s willing to make arrangements. things just have to be a bit discreet.

also, it could get risky too because even cordelia herself might notice like.. richter getting a bit more flighty than usual, so..

honestly ngl this sounds like an entire fic idea at this point. a good one too

despite this, richter’s infatuation with them goes far and wide. he’s slow in courting, but is smart about it. he’s not selfish, though because he is doing this for the servants sake as well.

in short, it’s a slow burn - ish, because once richter realizes he has feelings for someone, it becomes a quick pursuit and richter dives in headfirst.

we know he’s a very devoted man, and this would apply to anyone he’s interested in.

long story short, it could definitely work out, especially once cordelia is dead. if she is dead already, that’s even better and makes things a lot easier for both parties.

#richter sakamaki #i love hiimmm #aaagh #Diabolik Lovers #diabolik lovers x reader #richter sakamaki x reader #richter im lvoe you #plea esse #😭😭 💔 stink man #my post #diabolik lovers headcanons #?#idk still new with tagging. . not really but

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italic-doing-random-shit · 5 months

Note

im too lazy to read all those questions so all of them

well fuck here we go

this took me three days-

1: Whats your biggest insecurity?

I've got three; my body(I feel too feminine), peoples true feelings in me, and my work ethic and effort

2: Biggest physical insecurity?

My chest/torso area

3: Do you like the person your becoming?

Yeah, I like the life I'm working towards is good and i can't wait to live in it

4: Whats the one thing that you thar everyone but you can do?

Actually get peoples attention irl, my voice isn't very loud

5: Do you suffer from anxiety/depression/ptsd/etc?

Yes, I used to, and I think so.

6: Where were you born?

Southern Texas, much more humid

7: What do you think people say behind your back

No good stuff, but that might be the anxiety

8: Do you look up to anyone?

Not really, most of my idols were shitty

9: What makes you feel guilty?

Do not get me started, I can start feeling guilty for someone's tone towards me

10: Boring hobby you enjoy?

Watching gaming videos

11: Do you like who you are around people

No, not really. I'm often forgotten and not included because I'm to anxious to start a conversation

12: Future plans?

Go to art school, start a comfy, domestic life

13: Tell a secret

I hate celery

14: Whats an embarrassing event your still really petty about?

I once got in trouble for involuntarily screamed during sex ed because there were pictures

15: Do you get wonderlust?

YES. EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME

16: Romantic prefernce

I prefer women/femenine people, but I am not closed to anything

17: How many parents do you have?

Four, two step and two bio

18: Do they get along?

No, not really. My dad and mom can never communicate and cause me to mediate since I was little. Plus, my step mom and dad often scream at eachother

19: Do you swear?

Fuck yeah

20: How many siblings? Relationship with them?

Four step siblings, two sisters, both older, two brothers, on older and one younger. I'm very close with my younger brother, Bold. I'm not very close with my older siblings, as they are on my dads side.

21: Ever hurt someone emotionally?

I really try not to unless they have hurt me badly enough, but I have had to turn people down.

22: Has someone hurt you emotionally?

Constantly

23: Do you believe in the afterlife?

Yeah! There's gotta be something after this!

24: What lies do you believe anyways

That my friend is straight, he sent a group chat that I was in a bunch of thirst traps

25: Do you consider yourself to be poor, average, or wealthy?

I'd consider my family to be better then average but not wealthy

26: tattoo meanings?

Id like a flower tattoo of something meaningfull, I'm not sure yet however

27: How many friend groups do you have? How do they vary?

I don't really have friend groups, but my irl friends vary so much

28: Do you work?

Not quite, I have a practicum do school however

29: do you want a partner for life?

Yes

30: Who have you never forgiven?

Nobody

31: What are you looking forward to now?

Long term: Meeting all of you and giving you all cupcakes

Short term: I'm going out of town soon

32: If there's anything you could've changed about your past, what would it be?

I wish I didn't show as much academic potential then what I truly have when I was younger. Less stress and maybe I could've been diagnosed sooner

33: favorite color

RED LOVE RED

34: Unpopular opinion

I don't like pizza, unless its hiiwain

35: Last good book you read

To kill a mocking bird, as boring as it was to read for school, it was still good

36: Favorite book

Wishtree

37: Favorite poem?

Don't have one

38: Favorite movie?

Luca

39: Favorite song?

This rotates very often, but currently, Partners in crime by Set it off

40: Favorite kind of food?

Sweet and chewy

41: What kind of food trigger your gag reflex?

No foods. But when I bone breaks and you can see the break, ill need a moment

42: What are you missing in your life

As fucking cheesy as it sounds, you guys. I don't like the majorit of people here and i need to hug you all

43:if you could chose your name—

I did, it’s Parker

44/45/46: earliest/recent/beautiful Dream you remember having?

I don’t dream

47: do you have a car?

nope! I’m not able to legally allowed to drive and I have hamaxophobia

48: are you scared of death?

nope, it happens to all of us. I just don’t want to speed up the process

50: Dream job?

I would love to create something like TADC, lackidasiy, or something like that. I’d love to create the story and work on the animation

51: are you religious?

Kinda, I grew up with a Christian belief, but I don’t affiliate with any specific religion. I believe there’s something out there, but not anything specifically.

52: how do you calm yourself?

distraction, if I get my mind off of what’s bothering me, then I’ll be fine

53: most annoying thing that happens daily

my bones popping and hurting

54: urban, suburban, or rural

Urban

55: one talent you wish you had?

I wanna play piano

56: do well or struggle in school?

depends on the class

57: speech impediment?

I have a bit of a stutter when I speak because I’m thinking to fast

58: most terrifying thing that ever happened to you?

getting outed without my consent

59: Happiest day of your life?

Meeting all of you, especially Zain

60: early, on time, or late?

yes

61: quirks?

None that I can think of, most that are visible is just me stimming

62: do you wish you could start tomorrow with a clean slate?

I mean, don’t I already do that every morning. In a sense of course

63: do you ever get paranoid?

yes quite often

64: do you believe in human souls?

kinda??? I mean, I think people are born with certain personality characteristics, but also I think it can be altered by environment

65: what’s a mistake you’ll never make again

making a chocolate pie and trusting certain people

66: what fandoms do you belong to?

utmv mainly, but I enjoy anything that you guys and gals bring me

67: Old urls

Used to be CallMeAdam, i was rotating through names I'd like to call myself, but I much prefer Parker and Italic now

68: How often do you lie?

A lot. Compulsively. Only to teachers and parents.

69: do you like the attention you get?

mostly, there’s some that I don’t like but that’s mostly irl attention

70: are you dating someone? What’s your favorite thing about them?

I am indeed! I love her confidence, but I adore everything about her

71: are you concerned about the environment?

yes

72: what stresses you out most?

Drama that gets blown out of proportion, school, going to my dads

73: credit, debit, EBT, or cash

cash. It’s much harder to track back to me

74: favorite historical figure?

I don’t know his name, but the dude who consumed his entire supply of pervirtin or however you spell it

75: what’s a movie you know is bad but enjoy anyways

Big, it’s awful but so funny

77: what’s your kink?

got a few; praise, dominance, and a few others I will only mention in private

78: what’s the on thing you don’t feel comfortable doing around friends?

there’s a lot of things, but talking is a big one

79: most prized possession?

heart necklace

80: are ever proud of yourself?

sometimes

81: do you ever tear yourself down?

yep

82: do you ever tell people how you feel?

maybe, depends

83: do you like it when people guess how you feel?

depends. If you’re wrong, im punching you(unless we’re joking around). If your right, then it make both of our lives so much easier

84: are you worried about someone close to you?

constantly, we’re all mentally I’ll and I’m way too empathetic for my own good

85: How many interview questions do you answer to yourself?

I don't exactly understand what this is asking, but I have done interviews before so just standard questions about my art work and life

86: if you could meet anyone living or dead, who would it be?

you already know who I’m going to say

87: if I had a clone of myself, and there’s not enough resources, would you get along?

most likely, im am very self sacrificing when it come to my mental and physical health

88: what kind of things confuse you

it can be anything if you try an describe it to me verbally

89: are to hot or too cold?

yes

90: What time period, other then the current one, would you like to be in

Well, probably somewhere in the 1500's,

91: what’s your sign? Does it match you?

Aquarius, and kinda

92: do you believe in astronomy?

no, but I still find it to be really interesting

93: do you like extreme activities?

some, im not very. Brave.

94: are you waiting for someone to save you?

not really, I want to save myself and bring others with me

95: can you remember the last time you had a deep connection with someone?

yeah, with panda on Sunday. It felt like talking to my future self/pos

96: do you like where you grew up?

nope! Terrible for my asthma, never felt accepted by people irl, plus a terrible problem with cis men being asshole and weird

97: favorite word

moonstruck; the incapability to be normal from being deeply enamored or in love with something or someone

98: do you think your interesting?

yeah!

99: what people do you wish knew me better?

my parents, all four of them. Maybe I’d be happier if they understood

100: are you okay?

not really, but I’m working towards being better

101: what’s been going on in your mind lately?

lotsa ideas for animations

#asks #tunny!! 🩷#Fucking christ

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fuckthisshitimin · 1 year

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You know -- I still get terrified of what people might think when they meet the real me. I didn't grow up religious, I've been raging for years against Christianity's idea that a thought can be a moral crime, I've deconstructed so many things, I've unlearnt so much guilt, so much judgement.

And if I don't believe in God (?) I believe in Soul // I believe I have a soul -- I am scared it is bad. My soul, my core, that's the real me, the rotten and bruised essence I live on, the beautiful divine humanity that got thrown against every wall, right? It's my soul that yearns and prays, my soul that knows the bottomless pit of anger and the deeper yet hunger for love -- it's my soul that knows they are the same.

When I am scared, I think of the voice that screams hate from inside, I think of how little I care. People, and other's feelings and the mass of other souls that I waltz through every day. I don't care about them. I don't care about you.

The shards of anger that I swallow back -- when she has done nothing but she stands in my way, move hag, I am so sorry, I won't say that. The secret occupations -- how I say poems in my head when you rant about the same problems again, I don't care, I don't care, I am sorry, bad, bad friend.

Bad, ugly soul, unwitnessed, sacred, rotten, secret.

And I do nothing -- I eat it up so it won't hurt, because I don't want others to see, I don't want to fuck this up, I don't want to be mean.

It's the paradox of a non-believer in a culture shaped by the Cross -- my instincts are vile and they do no harm and I have no one to ask forgiveness to. I am sorry.

I am sorry, I say again, and to no one, I feel sorry.

When I look at myself from outside, when I try, I think -- if I have wronged no one, I am not wrong, here. The real me, maybe, is closest to what I show, furthest to what I hide. Maybe the real me isn't a secret I only know, maybe the real me is the visible sum of my efforts, maybe the real me isn't my soul, but the one that is loved. Maybe the curation of my soul and the craft of offering the best bits while keeping the unfair blood-hungry ones away from the world is who I am.

And I don't have a definite answer. Because I believe in my soul. Maybe it needs a God, to make sense, maybe I need to be its God.

In the meantime I will try to be less afraid, and less guilty.

I will try to be my friend. When I spend a week ruminating on a bad day I'll listen and say a poem in my head and patiently nod until I don't need to spill anymore. When I stumble on my own feet I'll refrain from swearing at it, from resenting it.

When a friend tells me they are scared I'll hate the real them, I know I'll say: I know the real you. They say hello to me every day. I know the real you, you show them to me, I don't care about your secrets, they are yours to keep, they are yours to carry silently in your stomach when we speak. Then the words you choose will have steeped in your secrets, and when a shard of glass you swallowed will come back up your throat and you cough it into my face I promise you I won't hate it, I promise you I won't be scared. Maybe I will cough back, maybe I will swallow my knives and play with your ragged glass, maybe I will make a spectacle of the edges cutting my fingers. I will tell you they are just like mine.

#bloodposting #[meaningless statement]#mikhail writes #hey i'm on my periods so i gotta write stuff i guess

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party-in-eldarya · 1 year

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J - Jealousy (Do they get jealous easily? How do they act when they’re jealous?)

L>I. He is v jealous and possesive, that's canon. I believe it comes from being alone for years, and the need to belong to someone, so when he finally found said someone, he doesn't share easily.

Leif when jealous can act rather cruel. Even when they are not together he tries subtly to separate her from clan Li-fenghuangs, so she would rely more on him. He feels guilty about it tho.

K - Kiss (Are they a good kisser? What are their kisses like? What was the first kiss like?)

They enjoy it well enough :) As both of them have some experience in it, there is no problem. He kisses her hand often, because come on. Leiftan is a drama queen, a master of grand, romantic gestures and he idolizes his partners a lot, Imogene is a saint in his eyes, to be cherished and adored. And lie to. Their first kiss wasn't v romantic, they both slept together and it happened then.

L - Love Confession (What was their love confession like?)

After some fun time (it was a melomantha festival when both of them got carried away by atmosphere and wine) Leiftan wanted to make some amends, apologize. He knew that Imogene would be a distraction and that any tie to him would endanger her safety in Eel (remember, she stayed with Templars for a long time before ariving at Eel, so her status is problematic at best and she is walking on thin ice with Miiko). After their first tryst he asked her for a meeting hoping to clear waters and somehow, somehow instead of explaining that it was one time only he confessed to her his undying love. My man is a drama queen.

M - Marriage (Do they want to get married? How would they propose?)

Imogene is actually pretty obsessed about getting married, with all this getting older and being left out. She tried this thing with every "serious" bf she had on Earth, and honestly, this is a family joke at this moment. She feels inferior due to fact that not one of her men wanted to marry her and thus she tries to take things really slow with Leiftan, trying not to scare him with her feelings. If he thinks she is ok about hidden relationship he may see her as cool and more desirable less desperate. Heh. Leiftan knows that their story will could be a tragic one, so he never let himself to think about creating a family with Imo, but CANON he likes kids and is pretty focus on family so yes. They "get married" when they run away from Eel after his role is revealed, just before his trial. Well, there is a ritual, linking their souls together and promises to never lie to each other again so... married at one point, right?

N - Nicknames (What do they call you as a term of endearment? Where did the nickname come from?) I headcanoned aengels language as being really close to arabic because I wanted Leiftan to recite arabic love poems to Imogene as a way of... disguised seduction. So he has lots and lots of sweet little names for her: ameli (my hope), hayati (my life), rohi (soulmate), ya amar... Imogene calls him by him name, it sounds so nice to her.

#Imogene eldarya #eldarya OC #couples alphabet #relationship alphabet

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daprosy · 1 year

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Goofy Willow things to distract from heart palpitations go brr

-Her last name is Wood.

-She and Allan are siblings but when they graduated high school she moved to Frostfield to pursue college (which was short lived since she got the Cupcakeria job hghgh) while Allan went back to their hometown.

-Since they went to the same high school Willow got bullied as well and handled it a lot worse than Allan but the torment to her was a lot less frequent since “she wasn’t as fun to play with” and sometimes feels guilty about Allan’s misfortunes.

-Really skilled in first aid because of how often she had to help out Allan whenever he got beat up.

-Used to not go outside very often and when she did she’d just stick really close to a friend or (most often) family members. Since she moved to Frostfield she began feeling a lot more open (partially bc of the Cupcakeria job)

-LOVES cuddling but not a lot of people know it since she yk hardly talks to anyone. If you want a hug, she’ll give you one in a heartbeat if she’s comfortable around you. She actually squeezes kinda tight.

-Part of the reason Willow doesn’t want people seeing her poems is that a lot of them tend to be super venty, but she’s trying her best to figure it all out.

-She used to have more of a traditionally girly taste in things but got bullied out of it by Whippa in high school. The guest bedroom in her house is where all of her old stuff went. She does prefer her current, more spooky tastes but isn’t detered away from discussion of her old interests. She actually really likes talking about them.

-Pansexual! She’s married to Mitch!

-They’ve known each other somewhat for a while but didn’t start dating until a couple months later. Willow was planning to go see a big hockey game Allan was gonna be in for a while but coincidentally Mitch entered the Cupcakeria with a spare ticket and invited her because he’s a regular at the quaint little bakery and knows how hard the food industry is, and with someone so nervous running the Cupcakeria counter he thought it would be nice to take her. They talked a lot during the game and Mitch was like o: omg shes so nice actually. and it helped a lot for him since he was going through a tough breakup at the time. And Willow was just really happy to have a friend she could somewhat relate to. They mean a whole lot to each other!

#headcanon #papa louie #flipline studios #flipline willow

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sloanesallow · 10 months

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Magic, Madness, Heaven, Sin [CH1]

A simple arrangement. Or is it? (Or, Sebastian and Sloane enter into a friends-with-benefits relationship, and all hell breaks loose.)

warnings: explicit sexual content, incredibly self-indulgent fic writing

read on wattpad | read on Ao3

1: NICE TO MEET YOU

"Fancy meeting you here."

Sebastian Sallow.

Sloane glances down the aisle of library books to see him leaning against one of the tall shelves, smirking like it's the only expression he knows. In the seven years she has known Sebastian they have been, at best, casual acquaintances, and at worst, complete strangers. There is no animosity or bad blood, it is simply due to the fact they operate in different social circles. She is a Hufflepuff, and he is...well, a Slytherin. Not that members of the two houses cannot form friendships, but they have so little in common that it is a rare thing indeed.

It does not help matters that Sebastian's playboy reputation precedes him. He has always been known as a charmer, graduating to heartbreaker in fifth year. By the end of sixth year, the gossip circles labeled him a Lothario. Strangely, most ladies who fall victim to his sorcery do not always have negative things to say about the man. Sloane has tried not to pay too much attention to the rumor mill and what her girlfriends have to say about their sexual escapades, but sometimes it is unavoidable. Suffice it to say, she knows more than she ought to about Sebastian Sallow.

Sloane hates to think she's somehow ended up in his sights. Instead of feeling flattered, she wonders why he thinks she is an acceptable target. And then she feels guilty for jumping to conclusions. Perhaps he is not as bad as he seems. She turns her head to acknowledge his presence and flashes a polite smile.

"Hello, Sebastian," she greets, realizing she does not mind the challenge. "Do you say that to every girl you find alone in an isolated part of the castle?"

Sebastian's expression hardly changes. He pushes off the bookshelf and saunters over to where she is browsing for nothing in particular. But he doesn't need to know that. To Sloane's surprise, he keeps his distance, standing behind her as he reviews the books she is standing in front of.

"In need of some light reading?" he asks, leaning forward to pull a tome from the high shelf. "Perhaps you might be interested in this."

Sloane mumbles her thanks as he places it in her hands and she reviews the title: Leabhar nan Dàn. She thumbs through the old pages and raises her eyebrow when she realizes the text is in a different language, one she isn't familiar with.

"What is this?"

"Leabhar nan Dàn," Sebastian says, tapping the front cover as he pronounces it flawlessly. "It's a Scottish book of poems," he looks at her quizzically. "You don't know Scots?"

"Siobhan Sloane," she smirks. "Irish heritage."

"Ah," he replies, maintaining his amusement about the situation. "Perhaps I can teach you."

"No, thank you."

"Damn. Saw right through me," he softly laughs, shaking his head. He does not back down so easily. "You do know that I'm quite knowledgeable in other subjects, don't you?" he questions with a suggestive glint in his eyes. "I'm always up for a little extra credit."

She understands his euphemisms as clear as day and rolls her eyes, moving past him to place the book back on the shelf. "Flirt."

Sebastian chuckles at her response, leaning against the bookshelf next to her, invading her personal space. "Guilty," he says, watching her movements carefully. "But I can't help it if you bring out the charm in me."

"You flirt with everyone."

Sloane can see him staring out the corner of her eye as she presses up on her toes to tuck the book away. When she feels her blouse pulling out from her skirt, she lowers herself back to the ground to quickly right her clothes. Sebastian's eyes dart to where her hands are, making her feel like she is wearing far less.

"Not everyone. Just the special ones," he clarifies with a devilish grin. "But I have to admit, you are quite special to me."

He moves towards her, placing his hand on the small of her back. Sloane immediately shivers at the sudden contact and his close proximity, glancing at him over her shoulder. Sebastian notices her reaction to his touch and steps closer, pressing his fingers more firmly against her back, feeling at the notches of her spine through her blouse.

"Am I making you nervous, Sloane?" he asks softly, his hot breath tickling her ear. "Or...is it something else?" he adds, voice low and suggestive.

She flutters her eyes shut as he crowds her against the bookshelf, releasing a shaky breath as he leans in, lips dangerously close to her neck. Sloane wonders just how she ended up so easily ensnared by Sebastian, replaying the last few moments in her mind. She should have run the moment their eyes met. A voice in the back of her head reminds her that she still can. Sebastian may be a casanova, but he is not a brute. If she asks him to stop, he will. This much she knows. But she doesn't ask him to stop. No, she finds herself drawn further into the temptation he is masterfully offering.

"You're teasing me," she whispers.

"Oh, am I?" She can hear his grin. His lips make contact with her neck, and he trails wet, open-mouthed kisses up and down to the collar of her shirt. His hands move to hold her waistline, keeping her between his body and the bookshelf. "Well, maybe a little teasing never hurt anyone."

Sloane lets out a tiny gasp as his lips trace the curve of her neck and she shudders when he tightens his grip, pushing her hips against the shelf as he presses his body against her back.

"Sebastian..." His name falls from her lips and she knows immediately it will be her undoing.

His lips leave a trail of warm kisses up her jawline, one hand snaking up to turn her chin so he can meet her gaze, his own eyes smoldering with a burning need. "Sloane..." he murmurs, his voice low and husky. "Do you want this?" His hand falls back to her hip before smoothing down over her skirt to cup her bottom.

"Because I do," he says, grinding his hips up against her arse to create a slow, rhythmic friction.

It is naive to think his attention will last but Sloane decides that it is nice to be desired, as fleeting as the emotion may be. Who is she but another notch on his belt? Perhaps two can play this game. She bites down on her bottom lip to stop it from trembling as she nods, letting out a whimper as he rocks against her. He lowers his head into the curve of her shoulder once more, tracing his tongue up to the shell of her ear.

"Good," he whispers against her skin. His hands roam across her body, teasing her over her clothes before he grasps her hips firmly, pushing against her again, this time with more force. He presses his lips to her ear. "Do you feel that, sweetheart?" he asks, needy. "Do you feel how much I want you?"

Sloane's breath hitches as she feels the pressure and hardness of his arousal against the curve of her bottom through their clothes. His fingers dig harder against her hips, a few sliding under the band of her skirt as he continues nibbling at her neck. She braces herself against the bookshelf as her heart races.

Sebastian grinds against her, his movements growing more urgent with each passing moment. He whispers against her skin again, "I want you, Sloane. Right here, right now."

Before she can respond, he leans down to tug the hem of her skirt up, bunching it around her waist and exposing her undergarments. His fingers dance across the delicate fabric of her garters, letting out a breathy chuckle at the sound she makes when he snaps one against her skin. He smooths his hand up the back of her thigh before groping her, sliding her bloomers to the side to feel the flesh of her arse.

A small voice reminds her that while they are in a private alcove of the library, anyone could still stumble upon them. "Right here?"

"Yes, right here," he pants, pulling her earlobe into his mouth.

Without further hesitation, he positions her in order to gain better access to her body. He slides his fingers past the hem of her underwear until he can feel the heat and wetness of her core. Sloane grips the shelf in front of her, feeling her whole body blush, bashful over how wet she is. She had not expected this when she came to the library that evening. But was it really that surprising that Sebastian was able to make a move on her so effectively? The way he tells her how much he wants her puts her mind into a haze. She bites down on her bottom lip to stifle her noises of pleasure, arching her hips back to meet his touch.

"Merlin, you feel so good," Sebastian groans as her body responds to him with such unbridled desire, his fingers sliding through the slick collected between her feminine folds. "I could make you come right here, couldn't I?"

He continues to tease her relentlessly, digits exploring every inch of her heat while his other hand holds her steady against him as he rolls his hips forward. The heat of their passion hangs heavy in the air as he works her, bringing her closer and closer to the edge. A moan escapes from her throat and she shuts her eyes tight in embarrassment.

She rocks her hips back against his hand as he curls two of his fingers, thrusting them inside of her before pulling back to circle the sensitive bundle of nerves at her apex. Sloane's body tenses and she can no longer control the sounds that tumble from her lips as she inches toward release.

"That's it, sweetheart. Come for me," he murmurs, resting his head against hers. "Let go, and just feel it."

He does not stop pleasing her, increasing the pressure and pace until she can no longer hold back. Sloane comes undone in his arms with a trembling whimper, her body shaking with the force of her release. Sebastian holds her close, keeping her upright as her knees threaten to give out from under her. He whispers unintelligible sweet-nothings against her ear, smiling as he kisses her temple.

"You're so beautiful," he sighs, his body still pressed against hers in the intimacy of the moment.

Sloane takes a few moments to catch her ragged breath, panting against the bookshelf as she struggles to hold herself up on shaky legs. Sebastian does not hide the fact he is still aroused; his erection is more obvious without her skirt in the way. She allows the lust-filled haze in her mind to guide her next actions, whipping around in his embrace and cupping his somewhat startled face in her hands. Sloane kisses him urgently, snapping her hands down to the waistband of his trousers to unbuckle his belt and unclasp the buttons.

"Let me...take care of you," she mumbles against his lips. Sebastian melts into the kiss, his hands immediately moving to help her undo his belt and trousers, his arousal twitching impatiently behind the confines of his pants.

"Fuck, Sloane..." he curses, trailing his kisses from her lips down the line of her jaw and back again. As she finally frees his cock from his underwear, he groans, gripping her waistline hard as he thrusts up into her hand. "Yes, please. Take care of me."

Sloane practically falls to her knees in front of him, gazing up at him through her long lashes as she scoots herself closer along the plush library carpet. She grasps at the back of one of his half-clothed thighs while her other hand trails up to palm his length.

"Like this?"

Sebastian moans, his hips moving forward instinctively into her touch. He reaches down to cup her cheek with one hand, the other combing her wild hair from her face. His tongue pokes out to wet his lips before he speaks, dark brown eyes watching her intently. "Gods, yes."

His breath catches in his throat as she begins to stroke him faster and he flutters his eyes closed temporarily as a lopsided smile pulls at his lips. It vanishes the following second as her thumb brushes across his wet crown, causing him to let out a guttural groan.

Sloane studies his reactions, mesmerized by the absolute ecstasy etched into his roguish features. She's never done something like this before, but it has been described to her so many times now that she wonders how hard it could be. She kisses along his shaft, humming at the warmth that meets her lips. She moves up the length of him, tentatively licking at the tip and resting the flat of her tongue against the glistening head.

"Is this alright?" she whispers before repeating the movements.

Sebastian rolls his head back, jaw clenching as he bites back a moan. "Fuck—" he curses again, fingers tightening in her hair. "It's more than alright, sweetheart."

He tilts his chin down again to watch her lavish him, lips parted in not-so-silent wonder. Another string of curses falls from his lips as he thrusts forward, in search of more of her. Sloane takes notice of the way his hips continue to twitch forward and wraps her lips around him, slowly swirling her tongue around the head of his cock before gradually lowering herself down. She moves her hands so they are clutching the back of his thighs, caught in the fabric of his hanging trousers.

His eyes widen and shimmer with pleasure as she sinks further down, the hand on her cheek sliding to hold the back of her neck as he guides her forward. "You're so good at this," he sighs, brows furrowing as he fights back the overpowering sensations.

Sloane hums at his praise, repeating the reverberations as he tugs at her hair again, pressing his hips forward so that he brushes right up against the back of her throat. She glances back at him to find him fighting to keep his eyes open and taps the back of his leg to make him focus. Sebastian snaps his eyes back to hers and his body tenses as if he is coiled like a spring.

"I'm so close, Sloane," he gasps, keeping in time with her movements. "If you keep doing that, I'm going to come."

She moans and increases her pace, hollowing her cheeks to suck him in earnest as her head bobs up and down. Sebastian's hands move across her face and scalp as his breathing increases to a fever pitch, her name echoing around them as he loses control completely. With one last thrust forward and a deep moan, he comes completely undone in her mouth, his release washing over him in wave after wave of total pleasure.

Sloane tries not to gag on the taste of him, instinctually swallowing as much as she can before she breaks away to gasp for air. She holds onto his legs to keep herself steady as Sebastian leans forward to brace his weight against the bookshelf. His breathing is ragged as if he had just run across the Quidditch field and back. She gazes up at him, equally breathless.

Sebastian shivers as the last of his orgasm settles through his body. He looks down at her with a peculiar mix of desire and tenderness written all over his beautiful face.

"You're amazing," he mumbles, finally able to catch his breath. A smile pulls at his lips and his fingers comb through her wavy hair, his touch full of affection and appreciation. "That was...incredible."

After a moment of silence, he straightens up and offers her his hands to help her off the floor. They take a moment to fix their clothes and hair and Sloane glances at him with a little bashful smile. She cannot believe what has just occurred, right there in a quiet part of the library.

Sebastian stares at her expectantly with a mischievous glint in his eye. "Let's get out of here."

Sloane's smile stretches into a devious grin as she grasps his hand. "Lead the way."

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanfic #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x f!mc #sebastian sallow fanfic #sebastian sallow x mc #fanfic

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meetmymouth · 3 years

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love on tour: the rival

if the moon smiled, she would resemble you – Sylvia Plath, ‘The Rival’

part one

harry and you are no longer together and it’s complicated.

read part one here

She felt inadequate.

She felt guilty, ashamed that she’d just up and left without any explanation. He deserved one, an explanation of what was going on in her head that she felt the need to leave. Though, she thought herself to be a coward when it came to that; communication. So now, standing in front of him, looking into his eyes, she still feels inadequate, almost like a cheater– like she’s just wasting his time.

She shakes her head, trying not to notice the defeat on his face. “I– we shouldn’t talk about this tonight. I’m here to support you–”

“–Bullshit,” he spits, fingers running through his damp hair. “You’re fucking me over. Coming here, showing up here… you’re fucking with my head.”

“I’m not doing anything! I’m here because I know this is important to you.”

“Yeah? Well, you fucked with my head, again. Like you always do… like you did the last time you left. I mean– fuck. I should hate you. You knew I’d get all pathetic and beg for you to come back to me because when have I ever stood a chance when it comes to you?”

“Harry…” she tries. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking– I only wanted to show some support. I’ll–” she looks around at the empty room, trying to locate her bag. No luck. “I’ll go.”

She turns around. Harry follows.

He lets out a bitter laugh. “Go,” he says, nodding. “You do a fantastic job at that.”

So she does.

She leaves, her heavy heart and dignity staying behind right where she’d left them, under Harry’s feet. She wanders the streets, quite possibly getting lost before she remembers her phone in her bag so she calls for an Uber to take her back to the hotel. During the ride, all she can think about is the look on Harry’s face, the defeat, the frown, just like how it was when she first left months ago. She curses at herself for turning up again, and like Harry suggested, fucking with his head when things were stable: sure, neither of them were happy, but at least they had the will to get out of the bed and go on with their days.

She murmurs a ‘thank you’ to the driver, and walks inside the building, quickly walking towards the lifts that would take her to her floor. The smell of perfume comes as alien when she first enters her room, reminding her of the excitement that was bubbling up inside her before she’d left her hotel room and took an Uber to the venue. Now, it all seems pointless, empty, pathetic, the smell and the suitcase laying wide open with clothes spilling out of it on the bed. She’d just gone and fucked it all up.

She tries so hard not to think about his eyes when she closes hers and waits for her pink, magic pills to knock her out.

Her arms, hugging her body in the morning, reminds her of Harry, the way he just seemed to fit into her body in the mornings and carved love-poems into her skin while never once letting go of her. He would press kisses down the side of her neck, not caring about the dampness of her skin, or the morning breath when she would let out a gasp as his tongue travelled all the way down to her bare chest, leaving behind secrets and untold stories of the greatest love they’d both like to keep a secret.

It hurts, being the only person hugging her body at the crack of dawn, stomach growling as her eyes beg her to stay shut a little longer, possibly showing the effects of the pill she’d taken last night. Still, she opens them, squinting more or less while she tries to adjust her eyes to the light coming from between the ugly, blue curtains. When she’s fully awake, a cup of coffee downed and concealer set under her eyes to cover the bags, she begins putting every little thing she sees on her bed and the floor into her carry-on, just so she’s ready for the check out when it’s time to do so.

What she doesn’t expect when she opens the door is Harry.

Harry, dressed in a black hoodie, sunglasses on top of his head while he looks at her, eyes clearly tired with the bags beginning to form underneath already. When she looks ahead, she sees a man, pressed against the wall where the lifts are, and she knows he’s there with Harry.

“What are you doing here?”

“So welcoming, aren’t you?”

She shakes her head, briefly glancing at the watch she’s wearing. “I have an hour until I need to check out. Do you… did you want to come in?”

“Yes,” Harry nods, then turns around, and nods at the tall man, too.

“He’s not coming in, is he?”

He gives a brief smile, despite the weird atmosphere surrounding them. “No, Gail is definitely not coming in.”

Once inside, carry-on and her bag still by the door, she decides to take the only seat in the room while Harry looks around for a moment, seemingly assessing the hotel room. He walks to the double bed quietly and perches atop, eyes never leaving hers as he does so. They don’t say much for a couple of minutes, only their breathing and the traffic outside accompanying the dead silence of the room, though Harry seems determined to end it with furrowed brows and puckered forehead.

“When I saw you last night,” he begins, and a deep breath follows. “I thought, ‘fuck, this is really happening’. I thought… you’re here, right? You’re here, and you’re with me. You’re back–”

She feels the need to interrupt, heart in shambles at the fact that she might’ve given him false hope.

“–I’m sorry. I didn’t think how it would affect you; me being there.”

“No, you– I understand. I’m just… still hoping, I guess. Was.”

“Was?”

He clears his throat again, hands in front of him. “Do you still want me? Want us?”

Does she?

Of course, I want you, she wants to scream, shout, fall to her knees and cry.

She wanted him so much it caused her an unbearable amount of pain, every morning, every night, every living hour. She was unreliable, has been unreliable and unreachable– that much was true. When Harry wanted them to become something more than a ‘fling’–they definitely were more than that–she got scared, as she always did, and ran. She left him in bed, naked and the previous night still evident on his body, and ran away. Just like that.

Then she came back, because she would do anything and everything just to be able to kiss his lips, hold his hand again. And Harry tried. He tried all the time, talking her through things, telling her how wonderful they would be if she’d just give in. She just wasn’t cut out for a relationship with someone like him– someone so perfect. At least this was her excuse.

But now, having him in front of her, she feels different. She feels defeated. Open. Open for him, open to anything he would bring into her life, anything that would come from and with him.

“I want you, Harry,” she murmurs as she plays with the ring on her thumb. “I want you all the time. I’m just– I’m not a good person to be in a relationship with.”

“And who told you that,” his hands clench on his lap.

“I did. Because I know it’s true.”

“Can’t you see how fucking in love with you I am? How crazy you make me– how this hide-and-seek game of yours is making me feel? I’m done,” he says her name, the letters falling from his lips in a practiced manner.

It makes her insides hurt.

“This,” she says. “Is not a game, Harry– I swear I’m not playing with you. I love you–”

“–I love you, too, you know how much I love you.”

“But–”

He shakes his head, brows furrowed. “No– don’t say ‘but’.”

“You deserve someone reliable. Someone normal. Who’s always there for you.”

“You’re always there for me– you were, last night. You didn’t have to come, but you did,” he tries to argue, still shaking his head like it’s the only thing he knows.

“I wanted to see you.”

“I did, too. You wanted to see me, you wanted to be there for me.”

“Harry… please.”

He gets on his feet, and it’s scary, knowing he might just leave. Ironic, she thinks, how the very thought makes her lose it.

“Come back to me, baby, I know you want that,” he steps closer to her, getting on his knees by her feet. “I can see it in your eyes. Just give in.”

“Please, don’t.”

“Tour bus leaves tonight. At seven o’clock sharp. I’ll be in St. Louis tomorrow–”

“–Harry,” she shakes her head, hands coming to rest on his cheek. It’s cold.

“–I’ll wait. I will wait until seven. I’m not moving until you come back to me,” he places his hand on hers, squeezing as she thumbs at his stubble. “I have to go now. But– I’ll wait.”

He gets up, her hand falling on her lap with the movement, and he leaves. Just like that.

The telephone rings after a while of her just sitting on that uncomfortable chair, bringing her back to reality, and there’s someone with a Southern accent kindly asking her if she’s ready to check out now. And she is. She’s ready to check out. Of everything, and of Harry’s life.

It’s quarter past one when she’s just standing in front of the hotel, waiting for her Uber, and she realises she has nowhere to go but a Starbucks– which she’d inserted whilst trying to book a car. She knows nearly no one in the States, and everyone she knows, Harry does too. Despite that, she still takes her phone out as she gets comfortable in the backseat, and looks through her contacts. She doesn’t even take that long to decide on a name before she presses the call button, and waits for the person to pick up.

Once seated, it only takes that person half an hour to arrive, and she immediately feels home when she sees the familiar face walking through the crowds of people, dressed in a yellow jumper and ripped jeans as he stands in front of her with open arms which she throws herself into.

“You’re lucky I’m not leaving until seven,” Harry Lambert says jokingly, hand rubbing circles on her back as they embrace each other.

“I’m a lucky gal.”

“That you are, sweetheart. I’m just gonna order a cold brew, d’ya want anything,” he nods at her latte. She declines.

He comes back in no time, straw already in his mouth as he slurps away, and it makes her smile, the familiarity of him and everything that comes with it.

“Sorry if I’m holding you back from your tour duties,” she smiles, but it’s a broken one. He doesn’t point it out.

Lambert just snorts, placing his drink on the table. “No, it’s all good. As I said, I’m not that busy today. You’re all right.”

“Thanks. I just know no one here and have nowhere to go.”

“You know me!”

She smiles, and takes a tiny sip from her drink. “Does he know you’re here?”

He shakes his head, brows furrowing. “No. I didn’t see him today. Are you– leaving tonight? For good?”

It’s a reasonable question, she thinks, and he has every right to ask.

“Yes.”

He nods, but the expression on his face is hard.

She knows he wants to say something, wants to argue, and to tell her to stay. Though, none of it happens as he just sits there, the both of them in comfortable silence as they sip their drinks. But in true Harry Lambert fashion, he cracks soon enough with a sigh.

“He loves you, you know,” he says, and nods, as if to make his argument stronger.

“I know. I love him, too.”

“Remember when I found you lot snogging after The Grammys? You kept telling us you were just friends still, but we– Jeff and I, figured it was more than that.”

“Harry…”

“Sorry. I’m just– I love you both very, very much, okay? And– he’s hurting.”

“I know. That’s why I’m not in his life.”

He groans. “But you are. You’re a big part of his life, how can you not see that?”

“I want the best for him.”

“But you’re leaving, how is that good for him?”

She sighs, watching the foam disappear slowly in her cup. “I keep hurting him. So, I’m leaving. For good, this time. I won’t pop up every once in a while. I know that’s not good for him.”

“Babe.”

“What?”

“He wants you,” Lambert takes a sip from his drink. “He wants you permanently. You leaving again, for good, will crush him. So bad. And– look, I love you, but I love him, too; I’m scared he won’t be able to recover after you leave. Again.”

Harry Lambert leaves after two hours, and she finds herself scrolling through plane tickets on her phone. She finds one, for three in the morning, and she figures waiting at the airport is a better idea than wandering the streets.

She then looks outside the window from where she’s seated inside the cafe, and her gaze lands at two people waiting at the bus stop nearby. One of them spots something on the ground so he just gets on his knees, and she later figures out the thing he’d just spotted being the girl’s unlaced trainers. She watches as he ties them again, and presses a kiss to her jean-covered knee before getting back on his feet and taking the seat next to her again. Then, something gives in inside her. Something big, something scary.

Two hours later, she finds herself in front of a humongous building as she locks her phone and puts it back in her coat pocket, and when the security guard sees her, she’s immediately ushered inside. She walks past so many big buses and a few lorries before she spots it– his bus. With weak knees, one hand holding the carry-on and the other freezing despite the cosiness of her coat pocket, she walks closer to the black bus with pink stripes. She doesn’t have to knock, though, because the door opens as soon as she lifts her hand, and there he is.

There he is, she thinks, there's love, there’s him.

His lips taste like countless apologies and, ‘you found me’s, and his touch feels warm on her skin, soothing the soaring feeling in her chest, making the screams in her head die down with fingertips on her neck, face, everywhere they can reach at the moment. It’s love. She knows the feeling, it’s familiar. But there’s love, there’s her love, and she thinks, ‘I finally found you’.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles x reader #love on tour #harry styles love on tour #harry styles x y/n #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles ff #1d ff

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sidemari · 3 years

Note

Sorry if I’m doing this wrong- it’s my first time using tumblr and I’ve never requested anything </3 Anyways, could I reques a Venti x reader, where reader has hanahaki? Ou! Also with a bad ending please :} please and thank you!

"I was here all the time only you didn't see"

Pairing: Venti x GN!Reader

Warnings: None, it's angst.

Author's notes: Hey Mei, I hope you enjoy this text! Ty for the patience and also for the rq! I loved writing this. Could you or a pure soul give me feedback on my asks, pretty please? 💕

Picture by @Saasaamee on Pinterest.

Your grave looked really beautiful.

Cecilias were spread right above the earth, giving the place a hurtful melancholy.

The heart of the bard now ached like many years ago, when he lost a good old friend.

"Rest in peace, my muse"

His memories brought him back to the warm day you confessed to him.

You looked so beautiful.

So beautiful he could write many ballads and poems about you and your beauty.

But he didn't love you.

His heart didn't belong to you, even though your heart belonged to him.

He never felt anything else than admiration for you.

The lack of reciprocity started killing you.

They called it the Hanahaki Disease.

What a beautiful name for such a cruel path the ones affected by it should cross.

You hide it from him until your condition got worse.

You were able to hide it until the very ending of your life.

All the times you saw Venti running through Monstad carefreely, angst formed in the pit of your stomach because you knew he wouldn't be yours.

All the times he performed his songs to the Monstadians made your emotions became a wreck.

"The number of petals is growing with every day" You mumbled weakly after a coughing fit one day.

You knew what would happen.

You'd eventually die.

And you were willing to do so.

Venti wouldn't start loving you so you could be free of that mortal disease.

And you were completely against the idea of loosing all your memories and feelings only to continue with your meaningless life.

That was it.

Your life was completely meaningless without his love.

You didn't care if you loose your life if that meant you'd prove him how badly you wanted him by your side.

You couldn't care less about keep going with your life.

3 months.

3 months had passed after your confession.

The petals you coughed every single became actual flowers.

It was happening fast.

Perhaps the velocity the Hanahaki disease killed you was proportional the devotion you had towards your loved one?

You didn't know. And you didn't want to know so.

The flowers you coughed for the first time looked beautiful.

Cecilias.

They were his favorite flower.

They were the proof of your love towards him.

You were happy with the flower your disease had chosen.

The white petals you once coughed could be from any flower out there but now you were sure they were indeed Cecilias.

"(Name), you should choose the surgery so you can stay alive before it's too late. I don't want to loose you, you're so precious to me" One friend of yours told you the first time they saw you coughing the pretty white flower.

You were ashamed.

Someone had discovered your secret.

You should have been more careful.

How could you let someone visit you while you were suffering from the Hanahaki Disease?

"If I choose the surgery I will forget about you. I will forget about who I truly am. I will forget about him" The salty tears couldn't stop streaming down your pretty face. "I can't do that. I will loose my essence if I do so"

Your friend was completely destroyed inside by your words.

But they weren't so broken like you.

You were feeling way worse than them.

How could the mind of a person who chose die for love be any calm?

5 months.

The pretty flowers became little bouquets of Cecilias.

You couldn't save your life anymore.

The surgery to take off the plant roots from your organism wouldn't work at that point.

The only two options you had now were:

Gaining his love.

Or dying.

One day you were at Stormterror's Lair, enjoying the peaceful yet sorrowful atmosphere.

Another bouquet left your throat and mouth.

Dear archons, it hurted.

It hurted like pure hell.

It hurted you physically but even more emotionally.

You knew you couldn't fight against your fate any longer.

That same day Venti saw your suffering for the first time.

He was the one who made you like that.

And he felt completely guilty about it.

He felt sick to his stomach the moment you told him you hadn't chosen the surgery.

He even tried to seek anything more from the admiration he felt towards you.

But the feeling didn't hit him.

He was completely unable to love you like the way you did with him.

He couldn't save you from your destiny.

7 months.

The bouquets got bigger.

And your pain got worse.

The day you saw Venti playing his lyre at the central plaza of the City of Freedom was the day you knew you'd be gone.

No escape.

His green eyes glowed with pure happiness as he hugged some people of his nation while your tears made your eyes burn and the need to cough became too hurtful to you hold it, even in public.

Blood.

Blood stained the bouquet of Cecilias.

Your end was near.

You just wanted to farewell him.

He saw you even with the crowd that suffocated him.

He saw you even though your frame was distant from him.

Running towards you, he took your almost lifeless body to the place where you both first met.

Starsnatch Cliff, the place where the Cecilias grow.

"I love you, (Name). Please, don't leave me"

"Venti, I know it's not true. Instead, I would be cured from this suffering. You don't love me and there's nothing wrong about that"

You caressed his cheek.

"I don't want to loose you! Please, stay with me a little longer!" He screamed when your body collapsed against the ground, but his voice sounded low.

Why did his voice sound so quiet?

You blinked slowly continually while Venti tried to bring your energies back.

"And it's no use looking for me in other timbres or other laughs. I was here all the time only you didn't see" His heart skipped a beat with your line.

"(Name), please. Listen to me! Stay with me, I will find a cure somehow"

"I love you, Venti. And I will always do"

Your grave looked really beautiful.

Cecilias were spread right above the earth, giving the place a hurtful melancholy.

The heart of the bard now ached like many years ago, when he lost a good old friend.

"Rest in peace, my muse"

He whispered, before leaving the place your grave was at.

The stunning location you both once met, long years ago, had became extremely dreary as you rested from your suffering.

#venti #venti x reader #venti x you #venti x y/n #venti genshin impact #hanahaki #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin angst #genshin imagines #genshin oneshot #genshin fanfic #genshin impact fanfiction #venti genshin x reader

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