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che444 · 7 months

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Being (the “I am” state)

(Long post)

I think the most common instance I see in the community when interacting with asks and reading different struggles we all have/have had during our journey, is that people don’t just let themselves be.

A lot of us believe(d) that we have to work hard for everything, and we take that and apply it to manifestation. Maybe you feel it is too easy to just provide to yourself in imagination, you think there must be something else you have to do, that it can’t be that easy. Well, my love, I see you, I hear you, and I have been you. But, I am glad to inform you that when you reach this beautiful garden of truth and learning yourself and how this world works, that it is in fact, that easy.

As children, we played so freely in our imagination, even when we did not have the best days. We were always enthralled with our wildest dreams, excited by the mere glimmer of something new, even if we may have lost the ability to return to that sanctity as life become complicated, and imagination was thrown away for the sharp and harsh situations that life may have thrown at us. But I assure you, that you never lose the ability to imagine, it is never gone for good, maybe put to the side but never lost.

Imagine states being in a big shopping mall. You can try on any state you want, you can fill your cart up with fancy coats and dolce bags if you embody being rich (I am rich, I am financial free, I am always receiving gifts), you can fill your cart with heart patterned sweaters and lovely smelling candles if you are focusing on manifesting love or self love (I am loved, I am chosen, I am beautiful), and if you are trying to embody the state of being unloved you can fill your cart with no happy ending romance books and candles that smell like cat piss and back way alleys after it rains (I am unloved, I am not appreciated). Best deal is, it’s all on the house, all you have to do is pay in your mentality and accept this state as your own.

Now, let’s say you get to the register and you realize you don’t have enough mental bucks to spend on feeling rich today, let’s say life has been going crazy and you can only lay in bed, you feel overwhelmed by everything and you can’t raise your vibes right now.

Well, you’re in luck!

There is a layaway where you can store any state you plan to return to, even if you just need to wallow for a bit. The person at the register doesn’t look angry or upset, the look at you with the same witty smile, and hand you slippers, comfy socks, and a complimentary box of chocolates! You get your receipt and it lists all of what you have on layaway, waiting for you at any time! You can leave confidently knowing that you still have them, they just have to be picked up when you’re ready!

Now let’s break this down:

Clothes and different items you can place in your cart = the state you are wanting to be in

employee at the register = your subconscious, you

Layaway = an infinite amount of states that are always accessible to you because everything is you, they never go away, they are just not being made aware of to come into fruition

The register = the point of deciding, from the moment you make that transaction and put on your new clothes, you are now occupying that state, and the unfolding begins.

My love, those parts of you that you may feel like you have lost due to the harshities of this world are never gone, you just had to put them down because all you had the energy to focus on at that time was what you had to get done (working to make ends meet, dealing with a tumultuous relationship, having mental health issues) and that is okay. It may feel like you need to apply that survival mode to get these good things too. But no my love, you do not. You have been doing this since you were a child, your gift is limitless and always exists inside of you. Use your beautiful and boundless imagination internally to give yourself what you want externally.

When you are down, when you are sad, when you feel like you cannot hold yourself to a new state, work through your current one, do not run away, do not ignore it, do not fight against it to be perfect. You are already perfect and you always will be, Angel. Imagine yourself on a throne, as a famous movie star, go into the depths of your imagination and soar, feel the essence of what is like to be your true self. That doesn’t require you to lift a finger, so be gentle with yourself. No one is angry that you didn’t stay in the state today, you are not a failure, you are learning, and time is not your god, you are god.

when you feel as though you cannot do it today, don’t, but when you can, return to yourself as a child, and bask in your boundless imagination, treat yourself to bliss and never stop and your 3D will have no choice but to give it to you. All you gotta do is go shopping, and that mall is always there for you sweetheart. It is never too late to shop for a new look, you can change it at any time.

I love you, from my gracious heart to yours,

Luv, che 🌷

P.S

PUT THE 369 method DOWN, GET SOME SLEEP AND WATCH A COMFORT SHOW! 💕

#law of assumption #manifesting #neville goddard #self concept #manifestation #desired reality #loassumption #manifest #loa #shifting realities

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jaxypaxyhaxy · 8 months

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So I’m gunna word vomit and “I hope somebody is listening” (lol) but I have an idea for a scene that I’m desperately wanting in season 3 that wasn’t even in the books and I can’t stop thinking about it so I need to put it out into the universe.

So I have this idea for a scene in season 3 of heartstopper between Tori and Nick. I imagine it being an early episode where nick and Charlie are having a usual movie night, and then Nick goes to make popcorn and finds Tori in the kitchen getting a glass of diet lemonade. I can imagine Nick getting a bit worried (visible on his face) and he’s nervously asks Tori about the time when Charlie was getting bullied. She gets a bit nervous and hesitant but tells him. I really think this would be an amazing way to incorporate some book elements like some of the things mentioned in solitaire and this winter about Charlies mental health, and an adorable, gut wrenching, heartstopping (get it) Scene. (Ex. Tori talks about the note with a cake on it, how she found him, and how she stayed in the hospital waiting room for 3 days for him)

Tiny details I can visibly imagine in the scene

- Tori wearing a hoodie and playing with her sleeve the same way Charlie did in Paris with Nick after the Louvre

- Nick cuts of Tori at some point by hugging her (she doesn’t necessarily hug back but she doesn’t reject it at all)

- as Nick is walking to the kitchen he pulls out his phone and looks at some of his notes on EDs like in the book when he’s initially researching them

- if it’s after she’s cut her hair nick says I’m the beginning of the conversation “I like your hair” (Tori could even say smth like “it looks the same like she said to Charlie in S1 (Nick would giggle and just say “we’ll it still looks good” or smth) but it depends on the seasons timeline)

- she mentions the cake note like she did to Lucas ( slightly sounding like she’s joking but crying visibly harder )

- the scene could end with the popcorn being done, Charlie hearing the mictowave beep loudly over and over and coming down to check on Nick, he’s like “what’s up” nick just says it’s nothing (tori slips out quickly to hide that she was crying)

- and just something else I feel like Tori would evolve from hesitant to slightly hysterical as she continues talking ( because she’s never said this out loud to anyone before ) but her volume stays low and doesn’t increase as she continues (voice mostly stable with small cracks and a tad shaky)

- music less scene like the last one in HS s2

@chronicintrovert Idek what this is but I think it would bring a bunch of book details in, as well as be the introduction to what will inevitably be a very very hard and sad season 🥲🥲 (that doesn’t mean I’m not sitting on the edge of my seat excited for it to come out lol)

Alr I’m done rambling thanks for reading if u got this far.

#heartstopper #solitaire #tori and michael #tori spring #alice oseman #heartstopper comic #this winter #charlie spring #nick x charlie #nick nelson #calling all heartstopper fans #heartstopper series #heartstopper season 2 #heartstopper s2 #nick and charlie #victoria spring #micheal holden

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candlecordyceps · 14 days

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Ok I’m taking the time to Yap now WARNING FOR ANIME SPOILERS IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED IT!!!

This is just my raw emotional reactions, opinions, and just general interpretations of the last few scenes in the episode.

Starting off, I’m beginning with Shuro confronting Laois for what he did. Shuro seems to be a very high-standing fellow from what I’ve been given so far (as an anime only currently- I will start reading the manga once it finishes releasing I promise). He has guards that are close to him, and I assume he’s rich, and knowing that he will DEFINITELY care a lot more about black magic and laws, because they effect him more due to his (assumed) status. He’s understandably terrified of what this means for Falin. And he confronts Laois by asking him,

“Do you know what you’ve done?” He tells him all the hell that he can go through for it, what FALIN will go through for it, Marcille will go through- but Laois knows.

He’s well aware of the consequences and he was willing to do it anyways. For Falin. For his sister. Because she was willing to risk her life for him and for everyone, everyone followed suit, and the desperation to do so was so powerful they were willing to do what it took. And Laois ALSO knows, that despite what Shuro is doing right now,

He would’ve done the same. Shuro won’t kill him, because he knows he would’ve done anything too. Laois doesn’t GET people. He thought he could trust Shuro to be quiet. At this point it’s pretty obvious to me, especially in the episode with him being clingy and friendly with Shuro, calling him the one of the “only ones to call him a friend”, despite Shuro’s very obvious uncomfortable-disturbed-annoyed attitude toward Laois and general unwellness being unnoticed (until told specifically of it, to which Laois immediately got onto Shuro about his health). Yet, he knows Shuro would’ve done anything too.

Shuro stays his sword, Laois wishes for understanding, Kabru gets a drama boner (I find it funny how into it he is), and the scene changes. And FUCK man.

Laois loves Falin so much, and he knows how much Shuro cares. He cared enough to return. He told him everything because he needs the help, and he’s banking on the care for Falin to be enough to work with him to return her to safety. I’m SOOOO hoping he does help. That he breaks down and the sword falls from Laois’s neck. That even though it goes against a law so potent it could get everyone involved into extremely deep trouble, the bonds he’s made are enough. I don’t know Shuro well enough at all. Lord knows if he’ll even keep it to himself if they get out of the dungeon. But GOD am I not thrilled to figure out more. AND NOW, to the scene that made me scream from my seat multiple times,

Faliiiiiinnnnnnnnn GHHHHHOOOODDDD. When I tell you I GASPED. Watching the hands that we had witnessed painstakingly put together. The hands That two people took the care into fixing and making sure each was in the perfect place- scraping against the floor. Bloody around the sleeves, clawing forward- on a mission for someone she doesn’t actually know. Her mind is warped by the mission of the mage. Put back together just to bleed and be reshaped and melded to something scary and unknown and new-

AND ITS TERRIFYING. LOOK AT HER. JESUS CHRRRIIIIIIIST. Someone so loved and someone they all want to protect is RIGHT THERE, but she’s almost unrecognizable beyond her face, and mentally she’s so incredibly far away.

I can’t imagine the distress in everyone as they realize that they have to fight the exact person they’ve been fighting for. Because there’s no way she is peaceful and there is no way she’ll just “be Falin” without some extreme inbetweens. There’s no way that the mage doesn’t return if/when they succeed. I’m SOO excited to witness them figure it out and try to save her once more.

IF YOU MADE IT HERE THANKS FOR READING ME YAPPING!! This is mainly a little storage for me later when I wanna revisit and figure out what I thought before I knew what happened. Have a nice day/night readers!

#dunmeshi spoilers #kabru dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #dungeon meshi laios #delicious in dungeon spoilers #dungeon meshi falin #dunmeshi #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi shuro #yappathon #i am once again talking about cool show

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kiirotoao · 1 year

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Guys.

I think I cracked the case to why many people (namely the GA) don’t like Mike. And it’s because his character arc is external, rarely internal, compared to other characters.

In season 1, one of the most memorable things to me that stood out about Mike was his ability to communicate. He was straightforward, very level-headed, and tried to reason with the unknown. He made his thoughts known, and they were often pretty understandable to those around him, namely Lucas, Dustin, and especially El. His ability to advocate for her really helped bridge the gaps between their world and the Upside Down. Even in just the really small details, Mike prioritized good communication, like when he told/reminded Lucas to end on the Walkie-Talkie with “over” when he was done talking. Mike is also incredibly emotional this season, and we see clearly times of his frustration, sadness, and joy (all of which are very often due to Will, but I will hold off on going in depth in that department lest I ramble about Byler more than I already do). All of this to say - Mike’s focus is on 1) keeping that group mentality, 2) helping El, and 3) finding Will, all things outside of himself.

Then, right off the bat, what’s the problem that Mike faces in season 2? Lack of communication with El. He doesn’t know where she is and he can’t - and arguably doesn’t ever - see her, not even in the void. I can imagine that it’s tough not knowing if a loved one is even alive, so of course Mike is stricken with worry until he sees her again. I think that in season 2, right from the start, we see his mental health take a toll on him as he starts to worry about things going wrong with d’Art, with Max, with Will, with the tunnels, everything. I just think that from a general standpoint, Mike has become more irritable and anxious because he’s lost someone before. And here’s where his attachment to El starts to get much stronger. When he finally sees her again, he’s already scared that he’s about to lose her as she goes off to the gate. All season long, he’s attached at the hip to Will, frustrated about not being able to see El, and generally pretty easily upset by others. All things that I think are a result of internal struggle, but we only see it manifest outwardly. He does get that shed scene moment with Will, but honestly, that’s about it when it comes to Mike’s transparency that season.

Now enter season 3. The conflict right from the start with El is… painful, to say the least. He lies to her, doesn’t try to explain himself until it’s been far too long, and he even calls on Lucas to defend his bs. He’s hiding something, and it’s no longer grief-related. Maybe it is, but we don’t see it. Mike continues to work with the group mentality and he comes up with the sauna test, assumes the worst with the Mind Flayer (and is correct about the spreading of its power), and kinda a throwaway detail, but I can even assume that it was his idea to push the car over using the metal posts in the last episode based on that random comment, “Told you. Physics.” So here’s where things get interesting. Mike is smart, he still is, and he still uses a lot of good communication and strives to connect gaps where they’re needed, and he still often wields the Walkie-Talkie. But when it comes to his relationship with El, Will, too, he falters. Before this season, he was completely in line with the two. But now, in season 3, we never see a clear reason why he thinks what he’s thinking, especially considering the sloth/speed in which he reconnects with El/Will. It is impossible to pinpoint any direct emotional moments from Mike this season because besides the ending scene overlayed over Hopper’s letter, we never truly see Mike let down his guard like he did before. Nor take the leap, like he did in season 1. He’s closed off and we cannot fully see why, not until you begin to interpret down to a deeper, inferential level. Here’s where I think the roadblock especially begins for Mike’s character, because we don’t know what he’s thinking anymore.

Carry this into season 4. Mike seems completely closed off to us, the audience. Now’s a good time for me to say that Finn’s a great actor, though, because truly, we get to see a large array of emotions in Mike’s expressions. And by all means of art and creative media, we don’t necessarily need to hear Mike’s thoughts to know his thoughts, sometimes. But it still goes to show, based on how he behaved in prior seasons, his connection with others and his drive seems completely lacking. He’s falling behind in school, he seems so emotionally distant from El, and, come to think about it, he’s emotionally distant overall. Even with his family and Lucas. I think that a simple explanation to why he’s acting this way is because he’s forced to grow up and grow up apart from his girlfriend and best friend. He’s not happy. And seeing that manifest externally often causes the isolation of internal things. Think about Max’s story but in Mike’s shoes - except we don’t get to see Mike’s struggles. His one emotional outlier is with Will, however, who he openly expresses his thoughts to and even finds a chance to smile again with. And even though he’s largely not in Hawkins anymore, we still see him use his ingenuity. He figures out the Nina number. He knows where Suzie lives. He can hone in when he’s needed. But even then, no matter what he does, he’s unmistakably hampered. He can’t keep up communication when he’s separated from Hawkins. He’s separated from El. Once again, he’s miserable. His one constant is Will, but even then, he buys the lie in the van scene. So, in the words of Finn Wolfhard himself,

(Caption: “He’s just such an idiot.”) I really think that Mike is trying his best. But ever since the start of season 3, so, essentially, half of the time we’ve seen him onscreen, he’s been closing himself off to the audience. And he might just be an idiot, but that doesn’t translate to how he thinks under pressure. Emotionally, perhaps, he’s an idiot. But is he a total idiot? I don’t think so. His seeming idiocy simply comes out so strongly in the later seasons because we cannot draw reason to his behavior like we could before.

Compare this to Lucas who has several dear moments where he opens up to Max season to season. Compare this to Dustin, who doesn’t ever really hide his thoughts. Compare this to Will, whose life we’ve seen the ups and downs all the time. Compare this to Max and her beautiful arc from introduction to depression. Compare this to El and her entire story of finding who she is. Hell, compare this to Steve, who has several glimpses of his life and struggles season to season. Compare this to Robin’s coming out and her struggle with Vickie. Compare this to Jonathan and his talks with Nancy and Argyle. Compare this to Nancy and the constant dilemmas of love and respect. I could go on and on. The characters are written with an emotional story in mind. So if Mike is one of them, who’s to say that his struggle isn’t something to be revealed for season 5?

And now, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t bring this all home with Will. Who has been a consistent source of emotional vulnerability for Mike? Who does Mike let his guard down around? Who does Mike consistently pursue and amend any wrongs with near as soon as possible? Who considers Mike to be the heart? If we’re gonna complain about Mike being closed off or annoying, I get it. I want to see more of his thoughts, too. And the remedy? It’s none other than the one right beside him. The one person who’s never going to give up on him. I think that the only answer to melt that heart is Will Byers.

(So yeah. I can’t wait for Byler to be endgame and for all this discourse about Mike’s true character to end because of it ☺️)

#byler #thank you and goodnight my fingers are about to cramp #byler brainrot #will byers #mike wheeler #byler analysis #stranger things analysis #byler is endgame #byler tumblr #byler is real

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archivxx · 1 year

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✯[the opening act]✯

Main story.| [0.01]

If you were being completely honest you were a bit on the fence about the whole band thing.

Not because you didn’t like music. (You did. In fact, you loved it. Music was your thing.) it wasn’t because of the truck load of drama. You were more than aware of what you were committing to. You knew none of it would be good for your mental health. Devoting your life to a job that put you under the spectacle. The nights spent in the studio missing lines and fumbling notes. It wasn’t going to be healthy.

You was well aware yet none of it seemed to worry you. Well maybe it did a tiny bit. It was something else that held you back from surrendering yourself to the most notorious soul-sucking circle of hell (i.e., being in the public eye). Almost, held you back. That is until you and your band were invited to an interview at a large record company and came across The Guy.

The Guy who’s name you never really got.

The Guy you met after stumbling blindly into the first bathroom you could find.

The guy who asked you, “out of curiosity is there a reason you’re crying in this restroom?”

You squeaked and tried to open your eyes through the tears and only barely managed to. Your entire field of vision was blurry. All you could see was a watery outline- you were able to make out that he was tall and he had what looked like brown hair and dressed in black and…yeah, that was it.

“Is this the ladies’ restroom?” You stammered. A pause, silence. And then:

“Nope.” His voice was unrecognisable. Deep. Kind of squeaky at the same time. Dreamy.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes?”

“Really?”

“Fairly, since it said “men’s” when I walked in here. I can’t imagine they’d of changed the “men’s” sign in the time I’ve been in here.” Well. He had you there.

“Oh I’m so sorry-do you need to…well…?” You gestured your hand towards the stalls-or where you thought the stalls were. Your eyes stung. Even when you had them closed, you had to scrunch them to stop the burning. You tried to dry press your cheeks with your sleeve, but the material of your jumper was cheep and flimsy, not half as absorbent as real Cotten. Ah, the joys of being impoverished.

“I just need to wash my hands.” He said, but you didn’t hear him move, maybe because you were blocking the sink or maybe because you were a weirdo and was contemplating calling security. That would but a brutally quick end to her bands dreams, wouldn’t it?

“Are you okay?” He must have been quite tall, his voice sounded like it was coming from ten feet above you.

“Sure. Why do you ask.”

“Because you’re crying in the men’s restroom.”

“I’m not crying- well I sort of am, but it’s just tears, you know?”

“I do not.”

You sighed, slumping against the tilled wall. “It’s my contacts, they expired a while ago. They were never all that great to begin with. They messed up my eyes. I’ve taken them off but…” You shrugged. Hopefully in his direction. “It takes a while, before they get better.”

“You put in expired contract?” He sounded personally offended by your statement.

“Just a little expired.”

“What’s ‘a little’?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a few years.”

“What?” His retorts were sharp and precise. Crisp. Pleasant.

“Only just a couple, I think.”

“Just a couple years?”

“It’s okay. Expiration dates are for the weak.”

A sharp sound, kind of snort. “Expiration dates are so I don’t find your weeping in the corner of this bathroom.” Unless this dude was the owner of this building, he really needed to stop acting like this was his personal bathroom.

“It’s fine.” You waved a hand. You’d of rolled your eyes if they weren’t on fire. “The burning usually only lasts a few minutes.”

“You mean you’ve done this before?”

You frowned. “Don’t what?”

“Put in express contacts.”

“Of course. Contacts are not cheep.”

“Neither are eyes.”

Well shit. Good point. “Hey have we met? Maybe at the business dinner for their new recruits?”

“No.”

“You weren’t there?”

“Not really my scene.”

“But the free food?”

“Not worth the small talk.”

Maybe he was in a diet because what kind of new artist would turn down free food? You were sure that he was a new recruit, the condescending tone was a dead give away. All new artist were like that; thinking their better than everyone else just because they get a chance to be in the spotlight. In the grim, dark hell scape of entertainment, new artists were the lowliest of creatures and therefore had to convince themselves they were the best. You were no psychologist but it seemed like a pretty textbook defence mechanism.

“Are you interviewing for a record deal?” He asked.

“Yeah, with my band.” God your eyes were burning. “What about you?” You asked, pressing the heels of your hands into them.

“Me?” You could feel his hesitation and immediately felt guilty. He was certainly not new here.

“Yeah.” You briefly panicked. “How long have you been working with this company?”

“Here?” He paused. “Six years. Give it take.”

“Oh-so I assume you’re looking to go somewhere bigger soon?”

“I…”

You could once again pick up on his hesitation. You felt guilt once again. “Wait wait, don’t answer that. It’s rude.”

A beat. Then another beat. “Right.”

“Sorry.” You wished you could see him. Social interaction were hard enough; the last thing you needed was fewer cues to go by. “I didn’t mean to channel your parents at thanks giving.”

He chuckled softly. “You could never.”

“Oh.” You smiled. “Annoying parents?”

“And even worse thanksgivings.”

“And that’s what you Americans get for leaving the common wealth.” You held your hand out in his general direction and hoped. “I’m Y/N by the way.” You were starting to wonder whether you just introduced yourself to the sink or maybe even the wall when you heard him step closer. The hand that cased around yours was dry. And warm. The heat sent shocks up your arm. Everything about him must of been warm. Fingers. Voice.

It wasn’t entirely unpleasant.

“So you’re not American?”

“Well I was raised in France. Listen if you happen to talk to anyone who’s…higher up would you mind not mentioning my contacts mishap? It doesn’t make out band look very good. Definitely less-than-stellar.”

“You think?” He deadpanned.

You would have glared at him if you could. Thought maybe you were doing a decent job at it anyway because he laughed. Just a huff. But you could tell. And you kind of like it.

He let go of your hand, and you realised you had been gripping his hand. Whoops.

“Do you plan on going bigger?” He asked.

You shrugged. “The band does but you never know. We might not even make it that far.” But you had hit it off pretty well with the person who had offered to you. Plus you already had a fair amount of traction online as group. Not having a life came in handy-sometimes.

“If you get that far, would you?” Honestly, that point it would be stupid not to. This was one of the best places for beginner artists to go to make a big break. Or at least that’s was what you were telling yourself to cover the truth.

Which was that frankly, you were a bit on the fence about this whole band thing.

“Maybe. I must say the line between excellent career and critical life screw up is pretty blurry.”

“Seems like you’re leaning towards screw up.” It sounded like he was smiling.

“No- well I just…”

“You just?”

You but your lip. “What if I’m not good enough?” You blurted out. God why were you baring your deepest fears to some random guy in the bathroom? And what was the point anyway? Every time you aired out your doubts to friends and acquaintances they all offered the same meaningless encouragement. You’ll be fine. You can do it. I believe in you. This guy would probably do the same.

Coming up.

Any moment now.

And second—

“Why do you want to go into this industry?”

“What?”

“Why do you want to be a band?”

You cleared your throat. “I’ve always loved music and I’d love to make a difference—“

He snorted.

You frowned. “What?”

“Not your interview speech, why do you want to be an artist?”

“Well I mean what I said is true.” You insisted. “I want to—“

“Is it because you don’t know what else to do?”

“No.”

“Because you failed every subject in school?”

“No. I was a good student actually.”

“Ah.” He moved. A blurry figure stepping next to you. “It takes a long time to gain traction. You’ll probably earn more in a retail job in five weeks then you will in this industry. Plus retail allows you to entertain the concept of weekends.”

You scowled. “Are you trying to decline my offer? Is this some kind of anti-expired-contacts-wearers campaign?”

“Nah.”

You could hear his smile.

“I’ll go ahead and trust it was just a misstep.”

“I wear them all the time. They never-“

“A long line of missteps. Clearly.” He sighed. “Look, here’s the deal; you have no idea if you’re good enough, but that’s not what you should be asking yourself anyway. What you need to be asking is if your reason for becoming a music artist is good enough. So, why are you here Y/N?”

You thought about it. And thought. And thought and thought even more. And then you spoke carefully. “I have a goal. A specific goal I want to achieve.” There. Done. That was the answer he was looking for.

“A goal?” You felt the air shift and realised he was now leaning against the sink.

“Yes.” Your mouth felt like there was sand in it. Dry dry dry. “Something that is important to me. And I want to achieve it to prove to myself. Because…” well who else could. You were the only person who would show yourself you’re worth of your goal.

Heavy thought presented in front of a stranger. In the darkness of your closed eyelids. So you cracked them open; your vision was still blurry, but the burning had dissipated. The Guy was looking at you. Fuzzy around the edges, perhaps, but so very there. Waiting patiently for you to continue.

“It’s important to me.” You repeated. “The goal is what I want to achieve.” You were twenty and essentially alone in this world. You didn’t want weekends or to be a big hit right off the bat. You wanted to a hive your goal. If you could, you’d go back in time and be a lot less lonely. If you could. But you can’t. So you’d settle for fixing it now.

He nodded but said nothing as he straightened and took a few steps towards the door. Clearly leaving.

“Is mine a good enough reason?” You called after him. You hated how eager you sounded, but, you couldn’t help but want validation from this stranger. It was possible that your were in the midst of an existential crisis.

He paused and looked back at you. “It’s the best one.”

He was smiling. Or that’s what you thought. Definitely something like it.

“Thanks.”

He was almost out the door already.

“Maybe I’ll see you around?” You babbled flushing a little. “If we get a deal.”

“Maybe.” You heard him say.

With that, The Guy was gone. And you never got his name. But a few weeks latter when Tolkien called you saying that a deal had been agreed you were more than joyous, to say the least.

Masterlist

#south park #gay bounded #clyde donovan x reader #clyde donovan #reader insert

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rust-thespiral · 7 months

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more nsfw heizou/kazuha thoughts but they’re specific this time tee hee

more nonbinary gay heizou and ftm trans kazuha btw because i’m still right. also, introducing my headcanon of kazuha using “dear heart” as a pet name for heizou ✨

also minor note before i begin that trans heizou is a great hc i love it so much it’s not one of MY headcanons yet but oh my god it’s so good. but for all my posts i guess assume heizou has a dick until proven otherwise SKDBJSBFBSBF

***

So ✨ in my last post i mentioned my hc about heizou giving oral to other men a lot. because he’s a Slut and genuinely enjoys it right? he has a lot of practice. he likes it. all that. or maybe i didn’t mention it idk i have the memory of a goldfish on narcotics

but i also imagine him as super needy and touch starved. and one of his coping mechanisms is using his mouth, because it makes him feel “useful” or like he’s giving them pleasure without getting in the way or wtv. i have a lot of hcs about how he deals with his extreme trauma and mental health issues through sex but the oral thing is the relevant one for this post because one of my favorite ideas for heizou & kazuha’s whole relationship is as follows.

one night, they’re kissing in the bedroom, and kazuha starts undressing heizou. which doesn’t usually happen, because heizou has so many hidden scars on his back (meaning he usually doesn’t take his shirt off) and his legs. so heizou, naturally, is taken aback — not necessarily because kazuha is being assertive, but more because he’s being so bold

so heizou asks “what are you doing?” and kazuha says that he wants heizou to trust him, that he wants to worship his dear heart’s body the way he deserves. because heizou always services other people — hell, he constantly does it for kazuha — but no one ever does the same for him, so why not try something new?

and because heizou actually does trust kazuha at this point, he agrees. but i think in the past, he’s said no because he’s so insecure about himself and how he might act. which, of course, kazuha has always been fine with, but it truly means a lot that heizou is able to say yes and mean it.

i think kazuha spends a lot of time on foreplay. he loves having access to heizou’s body and being able to give him kisses and showing him how much he deserves to be loved. in my mind, his favorite thing to do is to slowly flutter really soft kisses down heizou’s stomach, watching as his muscles twitch and basking in the sounds of his ragged breathing and tiny moans. heizou talks a lot, but doesn’t usually make a lot of noise aside from that, so when kazuha makes him whimper it’s like a well-earned reward

and it’s a bit ironic, because heizou also loves foreplay. but the second kazuha starts going lower he just — he can’t handle it. kazuha won’t even be touching his cock yet and heizou will be whining and begging and pleading like “stop teasing me, please, please, i need it now, i can’t—” but kazuha loves seeing him so desperate, so of course he never gives in (side note: i think he’s made heizou come before just by teasing him and making him wait for it—)

and when kazuha finally does touch his cock, heizou is already so so far gone. he’s so hard and there’s precum dripping all over kazuha’s fingers and he’s covering his mouth, because he doesn’t want to make too much noise, but the moment he feels kazuha’s mouth he physically can’t control himself. he grabs the sheets so tightly his knuckles turn white and he grabs the back of kazuha’s head because no one has ever done this to him before. and kazuha being the first one to do it, kazuha looking up with this half-lidded “i love everything about you” expression from between heizou’s thighs, kazuha being the first person ever to have heizou’s precum on his lips — heizou is so so so turned on and so in love that it’s all he can do to keep going a little longer. he knows kazuha is really enjoying it, and he wants to keep doing this, he really does. but he’s so horny that all he can do is beg kazuha to go slower, please, he’s gonna come and he doesn’t want to come yet, please go slower — all the while kazuha is just reveling in the sound of heizou’s voice. bc all he cares about is that heizou is feeling good

and once he finally lets himself come — in kazuha’s mouth ofc — heizou kisses kazuha, just to savor the taste of himself and the feeling of being loved

#genshin impact #shikanoin heizou #kaedehara kazuha #heikazu smut #heikazu #kazuhei #genshin smut #genshin imagines #rust’s spiraling thoughts

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coral-melon · 5 months

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Hi! looks like requests are open, so can I have a matchup for Obey Me please?

I guess I'll go by 🍰. My pronouns are she/her and I'm pansexual

Appearance: I'm a short, dirty-blonde haired woman (161 cm) and a little on the heavier side 🥲. My hair is usually cut to my shoulders. I like to dress in cute and comfortable clothing, and my friends say I have good taste in fashion. Most of my closet gives cottagecore vibes and my favourite colours are green and pink. I'm half French and half Italian if that's gonna affect my matchup

My MBTI + Enneagram is ISFJ 2w1 and my star sign is Aries, but I'd say I'm VASTLY more chill than the stereotype

Personality and Interests: I like to say I'm a kind and cheerful person, and people just feel at ease talking with me. One thing my friends and family especially likes about me is my smile. They just can't help but feel happy when they see it (allegedly). I mentioned that I was on the heavy side, and that really took a toll on my mental health, especially in my childhood. I had to work so hard to rebuild my self esteem and my own health (kids can be so cruel sometimes. goddamn 😭). I'm happy to say that I'm in a much better place now. I work out because it makes me happy, and I eat healthy for the same reason. I still cannot burn off the stubborn fat though 🥲. My insecurities often get the better of me sometimes, but I try to persevere regardless. My main goal in life is to make people smile, so I want to own a bakery in the future. My family is a strong believer in the power of kindness, so I believe that's how I can uphold that belief. I love making food and my love language is making food for others, especially sweets

Likes: Baking, cooking, sweets, sharing the baked goods I made with my friends and loved ones, anime, video games, clothes

Dislikes: Bullies, confrontation, fake friends, dishonesty, cruelty, spicy food

Hello -🍰! It’s a pleasure to meet you and thank you for taking the time to introduce yourself!

Side note: My hopeless romantic ass couldn’t help but wonder over all the possibilities I could write for you; I hope I can make you smile and have a bit of fun while reading this🥰

I match you with…~

❥ I can’t even begin to explain just how head over heels he is about you.

❥ I immediately thought Howl’s moving castle vibes.. he manages to find every part of you beautiful, even when you don’t think you are based on conventional standards.

❥ He fawns over the little things you do; to the point where even other demons are shocked with how often he thinks of you instead of himself.

❥ But your smile and laugh leave him with heart eyes.. His heart just wants to pound right out of his chest. He always lets you know how much he loves it! how he’d wish he could seduce you!

❥ As you’ve said, he also find you to be a total ease to be around. He doesn’t feel pressured to have to pose as the figure he has made himself to be and it’s a refreshing break for him. He can just be himself around you; He feels safe ^^

❥ You being the absolute Angel that you are, you’ve never judged him; but instead see him for who he really is. How could he possibly think of anyone else?

❥ Your shopping dates are always fun and eventful. You’re a total doll and he wants nothing more than to just spoil you with outfits. Anything that will make you shine, so he wants you to gain confidence in yourself! And what better way to do that than making you feel like you could take over the world, baby gurl~? ;)

❥ I’d imagine that both of you have a similar way of eating. He works out too, so you can join each other! He’s work out is nothing compared to Beel’s, but that’s the good thing about it; it gets the job done and is very good for the body and mind. Overall, it’s very energizing👍

❥ But you can be open to him with whatever’s on your mind. He’d never brush away your feelings; rather, he always has them in mind. Your always so cheerful that it worries him sometimes if you don’t tell him somethings up.

❥ He himself does it, he doesn’t want to burden others with negative stuff. So both of you come to an understanding and help each other out if you need to let something out of your system.

❥ If you’re feeling insecure about anything, he’ll do anything and everything in his power to make you feel other wise. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, he’ll be by your side every step of the way.

❥ 1000% supports your dream of opening your own bakery! He always takes pictures of everything you make your him; he doesn’t even care if he’s on a diet, he’ll eat and enjoy every last bite of it. If Beel doesn’t get to it first..

❥ And when you open it? It’ll be one of the most sought out bakery in all of Devildom! Your business if gonna boom and your life is set forever! >:D✨

❥ As I e said before, there’s a lot of times where he catches himself thinking about you rather than himself. He loves you, like, a lot! And everyone knows that. But he wants you to know that. You’re precious~

End

Aaaahhh! I took too damn long to finish this but I hope you see this and end up liking it! I felt butterflies while writing this, I just hope it doesn’t suck 🥲

Take care and have an amazing day/night -🍰! luv ya~ ♡

#-🍰#obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me matchups #obey me requests

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satans-helper · 29 days

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Smother the Flame in Your Heart - Part XXI

Read previous parts here or read on Ao3 // Playlist

Pairing: Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka

Word Count: ~1800 (I know it's super short, I'm sorry)

Warnings: none <3

No, I'm not dead. Your girl's just been going through it for a while and is now just beginning to try and get herself out of this dreadful creative slump and series of poor decisions that are making her already tumultuous mental health and circumstances worse. No, this fic is not done! So I hope y'all are still with me and I hope you enjoy <3

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“I seriously can’t believe you got away with it.” Josh’s face was still stuck in disbelief when he said that to Jake, but when his twin looked back at him with some disbelief and undeserved innocence of his own, Josh smirked and shook his head. “You’re such a scoundrel. Just couldn’t help yourself, could you?”

“It’s really not funny,” Jake protested, sighing and turning away to look out into the trees. The porch around him harbored so much scandal and discourse, he thought, that it should become some kind of historical marker. “Because no, I couldn’t help myself. I put myself in the line of fire just to maybe get what I needed.”

“And I thought I was dramatic,” Josh said, leaning back in his chair with a matching sigh. “You should praise every god known to mankind that Sam didn’t destroy you, and that Danny still wants to be your friend.”

“Trust me, I’ve been doing that.”

Jake caught Josh shaking his head again in his peripheral vision. “I also can’t believe I missed all of this.”

“It was probably for the better. It felt like a lot to…process,” Jake said, looking up at the gray-blue sky now. “You would have made me doubt my choice. I had to just go for it. Take the risk.” At that, Josh gave a little hum.

It was the weekend and Sam was with Danny, of course, and Jake’s whole world still felt a little empty even though everyone was getting on good terms again. He missed Danny. He missed Sam, too. Things were going to go back to normal–he knew that–but he was eager to get to that as quickly as possible. The feelings of guilt and shame that kept following him nagged and tormented him. Ironically, it was now only when he was spending time with Sam and Danny that he felt those feelings leave him alone. It was when Jake was by himself that all the memories crashed into him like a tidal wave.

“And how are you now?” Josh pressed gently, looking at Jake so intently that he had to look right back. “Really?”

“Better.” Better was true–saying “good” or anything beyond wouldn’t have been as accurate. “Seriously, when I saw the two of them outside–out here,” Jake went on, waving a hand over the deck. “And heard what they were saying, it just finally clicked, y’know? Danny loves the fuck out of Sam. I’m never gonna be a part of that.” He sighed again, averting eye contact for a second. “It was all just a fantasy.”

After a brief pause, Josh said, “Fantasies can still feel very real to us.” Jake let those words hang in the air–his twin wasn’t wrong. But then Josh asked, “Are you now–or I guess were you ever–in love with Danny after all this?”

Jake had to chuckle. He really could be such a romantic–so caught up in those fantasies, in those feelings, that more often than not only came from stories, not real life. His imagination frequently ran wild while his reality felt so tame. Maybe the fact that Danny and Sam had achieved a fairytale romance beyond anyone’s wildest dreams fueled Jake’s own fire. If fantasy could be reality for someone else, it could be for him. Just not with Danny.

“I don’t know if I ever was. I’d like to say I wasn’t to, you know, save myself being even more embarrassed,” Jake confessed. “But if I was, I’m not now. The spell’s been broken. Fucking finally.”

Josh leaned over his chair and stretched an arm out, extending his hand to pat Jake’s shoulder. “Fucking finally is right. You’d been torturing yourself for quite a while there, Jake. Your heart deserves a break.”

Jake knew it did. The past seven-ish months had felt like a lifetime–he was embarrassed he’d wasted so much time yearning, pining and lusting over Danny, but what was done was done. All he could do now was move forward with what would hopefully be a rejuvenated friendship.

Sick of talking about himself, Jake turned his attention to his twin. “So have you ever been curious about him?” he pressed, raising his eyebrows and grinning. “Be honest, Josh.”

“A bit, absolutely,” Josh said quickly and easily. Jake sometimes envied Josh’s utter lack of self-consciousness and shame. He smiled a bit, a secret little smirk that made Jake even more curious. “I wondered, like you, what it would feel like. What Danny would be like during the act.” He winked as he added, “But I never thought about anything beyond that.”

Jake scoffed. “I don’t believe you.”

Josh cackled as he sprung to his feet, holding his empty can of La Croix and grabbing Jake’s. “I know better than you to never mess with our little brother,” he chirped, and Jake managed a scoff and a swift, light kick to Josh’s thigh before he could get back inside the house.

On Sunday, Sam made a conscious effort to help Danny clean his apartment. In all his bliss after the storm, he hadn’t even realized what a mess it had become. He hadn’t noticed that it was also almost entirely because of him alone, not until he woke up earlier than usual, stretched like a cat beneath the covers with his eyes still shut, then opened them to see Danny quietly, discreetly picking up dirty clothes from the bedroom floor.

So Sam helped with that first. He sprang into action, tearing his own sweaty, stale clothes out of Danny’s hands, properly dispersing them into hampers and bags. He made the bed next, something he never did at his own home, and remembered why–it wasn’t fun, nor was it even that easy. Danny’s king mattress made it a challenge to get the fitted sheet taut across, but Sam refused any help even when his doting boyfriend offered, of course. Instead, he shooed Danny away, then soon heard vacuum begin to run through the whole place. But Sam was insistent on cleaning the kitchen counters next and doing the dishes himself, which meant Danny felt obliged to tackle the bathroom once the vacuum was full of dust and crumbs.

By sunset, the apartment was spotless–as far as Sam could see, not a single crumb or molecule of dust remained anywhere and everything was back to being organized and orderly, just like Danny liked. The benefit of not growing up with brothers, Sam thought to himself when he opened the only remaining shut window in the living room, basking in the warm breeze.

Summer was always his favorite season. What would this new summer hold for him and his beloved? They’d had such a rocky start, caught in the gloom and fog of dreary autumn and even more muddled and misty feelings–Sam, caught in the mystic whirlwind of someone so unbelievably new. Danny, trying to pull away for no one’s sake, not even his own.

Sam knew he was blessed as hell to have gotten him.

“Wow,” Danny said as he sank down on the couch next to Sam, gazing around at his spotless living room. “I haven’t seen this place so clean in a while.” He pulled Sam into his side and kissed his temple. “Thanks for helping. You didn’t have to do that.”

Sam let out a haughty laugh, clearly entertained by those words. “Fuck yes, I had to! Most of the mess was mine.”

Danny laughed too, low, sweet and soft in Sam’s ear. “Messy boy,” he purred, nuzzling his nose into Sam’s hair that still had the lingering scent of weed from their afternoon break in the cleaning. “I don’t mind.”

“I don’t know if I believe that, Daniel. You just like being nice to be more than honest sometimes.” Sam giggled when Danny’s nose, then lips, touched his neck. “Right?”

“Only sometimes,” Danny agreed. Truly, he didn’t mind Sam’s messiness–not so much anymore, anyway. He’d gotten used to it. But more than that, he’d take some clutter and extra dust if it meant having Sam around, period.

Sam was settled against Danny’s chest while he flipped through Netflix, browsing the seemingly-infinite titles. He was more entertained by the soft, rhythmic thud of Danny’s heart beating and the dirty thoughts roaming around in his mind than any of the options on the screen–the quiet was only interrupted when Jake came to mind again. Nothing bad, just Sam suddenly pondering what it would be like at home the next time Danny slept over at his house.

But really, Sam went on to think, letting out a little sigh as Danny played with his hair, what would it be like? Would there be tension and awkwardness? Would he feel insecure? Would Jake try to do something?

Nah, Sam concluded silently to himself. It wasn’t disparaging the idea that any of that might be possible, it was just him disregarding his concerns about it all. Right now, he was cuddling on the couch with his hot, sexy, sweet vampire boyfriend who was all his forever.

“Jeez, would you just pick something already?” Danny asked, growing dizzy with how fast Sam was breezing through the titles.

Sam handed the remote over. “I can’t decide. There are too many options.”

Danny took charge, pausing to actually look over the artwork and pictures for each movie in the sci-fi category Sam had landed in. He kept playing with Sam’s hair with his free hand, twisting and twirling silky strands between his fingers; by the time he thought he might have found something worthwhile to watch, Sam’s body and breathing felt like he’d already fallen asleep.

Danny leaned forward just enough to take a peek. Sam’s face was still and serene, his eyes closed and lips slightly parted, with his cheek squished into Danny’s shoulder. Danny just looked at him a moment longer before he pressed himself back into the couch–Sam followed, eyes still shut, still snoozing, wrapping an arm tight around Danny’s waist as he nestled his head against his lap. Danny smiled down at him and resumed petting his hair. He traced the lines of Sam’s face with his eyes as he did so, starting with his eyebrows; then he gazed down the bridge of Sam’s nose, back up and over to his temple. From there, Danny scanned the sharp plane of his boyfriend’s cheekbone until his gaze landed on the softer, supple and pink apple of Sam’s cheek. Then he was studying Sam’s perfect, pretty lips, like two vibrant and eternally blooming rose petals.

Sam’s sleeping face was better than anything Netflix had to offer, Danny concluded. He shut the TV off and relaxed even more into the silence of his apartment and the warmth of Sam’s body lazing atop his own, tossing the remote aside so he could gently press his fingertips to Sam’s lips.

---

Tagging:

@mackalah @sparrowofrhiannon @starbuggie @lightsofthe-living-gvf @sanguinebats @gvfrry @clairesjointshurt @bizzielisteningtogreta @milojames16 @brokebellsgvf @streamsofstardust @heckingfrick

If you’d like to be tagged in any of my fics, you can go here or DM me :)

#Greta van fleet #gvf #Danny wagner #Danny gvf #Sam kiszka #Sam gvf #Jake kiszka #Jake gvf #Josh kiszka #Josh gvf #Danny wagner x Sam kiszka #sanny #stfyh #gvf fanfiction

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coffeeheartaddict2 · 1 year

Text

Everybody Hurts Sometimes (9/18)

Fireworks

Book: Open Heart (au)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC Casey Valentine

Warnings: language, sexual content, mentions of mental health

****trigger warnings- this series deals with issues of abandonment and addiction****

Word count: 2645

Summary: The team from Edenbrook and Mass Kenmore work to find a cure, Tobias and June have a confrontation, funeral for Bobby and Ethan comes to a realisation.

Category: Angst

Rating: 18+

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Authors note: half way everyone. I know you are all thinking when does the abandonment and addiction come in well it is coming, we see some fears Ethan has about being left in this chapter and the downward spiral to come will be painful. But enjoy the next few chapters before things go south again.

🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆

Casey is surprised that Ethan is entering the room.

“I can’t bear to leave you here by yourself.” He lies on the bed and Casey cuddles up beside him as best she can, given the hazmat suit.

“Won’t they miss you in the lab?”

“Maybe but as Elijah said, it is a chemistry problem and he may have gotten a reputation as a Trauma doctor but one subject Tobias did not need to try to hard to beat me in was Chemistry.”

“You still have not told me the deal between you two…”

“A story for another time, Casey.”

“I wish I could kiss you right now.”

“Me too. There are some things that I am regretting, ending things being one of them.”

“But we are together now, kind of…”

No, not really Casey. I stand by what I said when I ended it, you have always deserved more than being in a clandestine affair with me. Yes I know we were in secret in the beginning but we agreed but I did something I never thought I would do and that was fall in love and once those words were out, you deserved something open.”

What are you saying Ethan.

“I still love you Casey, I am done treating you like some dirty secret.”

Casey did not know what to think. She still loved him too but she did not want to hope that things would change anytime soon. Ethan could sense her apprehension and said they would discuss more when she pulls through.

Casey is tired and she goes to sleep. Ethan’s even breathing, giving her some of the comfort she needs.

Meanwhile in the labs, both teams are working hard. Knowing what they are dealing with was a help and each idea and theory is bringing them closer to a cure. Tobias takes a quick brain break. He stops by a vending machine to grab a snack and goes for a small walk. He goes pass the room. He sees Ethan and Casey on the bed. He can see how overwhelmed with emotion Ethan is just in his body language. A pang of guilt runs through him, for missing the signs that the assistant was hellbent on revenge.

“Don’t worry buddy, I am not letting any more death happen on my watch” he says to himself. He heads back to the labs, even more determined than when he arrived. He comes across June on his way back.

“Why so determined Carrick? Not like you. Are you and Ethan friends? or is the desire to one up him that strong?”

“God is that all you can think about? Two people have died, June, one is in a coma and god knows if Casey is going to have the same fate.”

“So people die Tobias…”

“No but these deaths could have been prevented. There were red flags that I missed and surely you did too or were you too busy scheming whatever you were scheming”

“I was not scheming…”

“What so Ethan and Casey coming to Kenmore was not some scheme of yours?”

“Well I needed information on their relationship?”

“No, you wanted the team for you…”

“Not true…”

“So you being furious when Ethan got his job back and going on sabbatical straight away was what… a figment of my imagination?”

June is affronted.

“She has no right being on the team. She slept with Ethan. To get there.

“Yeah and I have seen plenty of evidence to contradict that, also Ethan does not do sexual favours. You have told me all of her solves June. Some without the help of Ethan. All I know is your scheming to run the team has killed two people and I will fucking die trying to prevent more and just so we are crystal clear, our arrangement is over.”

He walks away. He comes back to the labs and gets stuck in.

Each new theory brings them closer and closer until finally they have a serum that attaches to the toxin and it is able to be cleared. They make two doses, one for Raf and the other for Casey. Raf gets his first, as he was the most severe case and then they go to the room to give the dose to Casey. Ethan does the honours and Tobias can see how relieved Ethan is. The teams are sent home after their marathon effort. Naveen is even appreciative for the team from Kenmore coming across. Before he left, Tobias caught up with Ethan. They agreed to meet the next morning for coffee.

Later that day the toxin was clear from Casey and the room. Ethan walked in and embraced Casey, she was then transferred to another room. Casey is exhausted so Ethan lets her rest.

That night Ethan has trouble sleeping. He knew Casey was fine but it did not stop the nightmares of losing her. He arrived at the hospital early and snuck into her room to watch her sleep. Seeing her sleep helped eased his nerves. He knew that they would need to have a discussion about them but for now he took peace in knowing that she survived. He looked at his watch and went to Derry Roasters. He ordered his and Tobias’s coffee and went to sit down. Tobias arrived just as Ethan received their coffees. Tobias made his way over.

“You remembered my order?”

“How hard is it to remember black coffee?”

“True, I am still in shock you now have milk in yours.”

“It is still black normally, but I do like the Vienna here.”

“How are you after the last few days?”

“Alive, still processing, just relieved that Casey and Rafael made it.”

“I am just glad that there was no more death to come from it.”

Ethan nods in agreement.

“I am sorry for my part in this.”

“What part?” Asked Ethan in bemusement.

“I courted the asshole, missed the red flags and told Dr Hirata what I was upto.”

“We all missed the red flags, there were a few times where looking back now I should have picked up on the assistant”

“Yeah but me telling June played into her game of finding ways to out you and Casey which lead to the heist.”

“I think we both did, even Casey seemed skeptical when she told me about it.”

“I am curious, you and Casey, how genuine? I know I said otherwise at the softball game but I have seen too many interactions between you two to make me question”

“It’s the real deal, I knew I felt something for her in her intern year whilst we were secretly treating Naveen, we went to the medical symposium and I acted on my feelings. We then decided to date in secret, I quit, she was suspended and I realized I loved her. I told her, Naveen gets cured and I dared to hope that we could keep going but Naveen took the role of chief and I was Casey’s boss. I ended it, she deserved to have her achievements not questioned and she also deserved more than a clandestine affair and if I was her boss there was no way she was getting both. I went on sabbatical and came back and the feelings were still there. We have in the last few weeks been in an arrangement but I told her I was done with that, I still love her and she deserves a relationship out in the open. I will discuss it with her in due course again.”

Tobias sat there in shock but also happy for his former friend.

“Ethan Ramsey in love, I never thought I would see the day, I am happy for you, just be careful of June, I would hate for her to ruin things for you both.”

“Thank you, not just for reaffirming that I need to keep an extra eye on June but for bringing the team over. I know you feel partially responsible for the attack but even if you weren’t, the fact that you came across speaks volumes to the physician you have become.”

“It was a pleasure, I was very determined to not let her die, if what I have heard about her professionally is true then she is going to go on to do great things.”

“She will, that is for sure.”

“It has been nice to catch up Ethan”

“It sure has Tobias, it has been too long.”

“It sure has.”

Tobias looked at his watch. He has to head back. They part ways. Both hopeful that they have taken the first step to reconciliation.

Both Casey and Raf are improving well after the attack. The funeral for Bobby and Danny is set for a week after the attack. Raf is advised to avoid the funeral, his immunity is not great but Casey has clearance to go. She is apprehensive but still goes, she needs closure. It was a moving service. She says a few words at the funeral. She wants to cry but she is emotionally numb. She is still questioning why she survived and they did not and the dreams she is having are brutal. Some are just replays of the attack, others have different outcomes. She attends the wake. It is as if she is going through the motions and she hates it. She stays to the end. Ethan stayed too, keeping his eyes on Casey. She sees him and makes her way over. She hugs him but the tears she knows are there do not come. He asks her if she would come to his tonight to which she agrees. They drive to Ethan’s in silence, Ethan reaches across the console and places his hand on her knee. Casey smiles sadly. They arrive and make their way to his apartment. They sit on the couch.

“How are you going Ethan?” She asks.

“Not good Casey, I know you are alive and I am happy about that but the fact I nearly lost you is still haunting me. I have had nightmares since that night of you dying. All I know is that I am in love with you still and not being able to say it to you again was tearing me part.”

“You still love me?”

“More than ever” says Ethan as he cups her cheek in his hand.

“I would very much like to kiss …”

Before he could get the rest of the words out Casey kissed him on the lips. He returns her kiss. They just kiss for a while.

“I want you to make love to me Ethan.” Said Casey.

Ethan wants too but he does not want to rush Casey.

“Are you sure?”

“Very much so”

He kisses her again. He gets up off the couch and picks her up bridal style and carries her to his bedroom. They enter and he kisses her again, more deeply this time. He unzips her dress whilst she unbuttons his shirt. He walks her over to his bed. She lays down and Ethan joins her. They kiss and finish disrobing each other. He kisses down her neck and across her chest, which causes Casey to moan. His hands move lower to her centre. He runs a finger through her folds and inserts two fingers. He has Casey on the edge, he positions himself so he can enter her. She mewls in protest but moans as he enters her. He starts off slow, giving her time to adjust. She moves her legs to curl around his lower back which changes the angle slightly. She starts to thrust in and out. He ups the pace and eventually she starts to clench. He knows she is close and so is he. He kisses her again and picks up the pace. Casey reaches her climax with a scream and that triggers Ethan’s. They lay there in each other's arms and Casey starts to cry.

Ethan allows her to cry. They eventually fall asleep. Casey awakes with a start from a nightmare. She is confused as to where she is. Ethan wakes up and assures her that she is ok. They fall back to sleep.

Ethan wakes up and watches her sleep, still relieved that she is alive. Casey stirs and awakens. Ethan gets up and makes breakfast and brings the tray back bed.

“Thank you Ethan.”

They eat their meal in companionable silence.

“Ethan, when I was in that room, you said you were done with being in secret. Is that still the case or did you just say that to distract me from the fact that I could have died?”

Ethan understood why Casey asked that but deep down he was still shocked that she had that thought..

“I meant it then Casey and I am meaning it now.

I never stopped loving you and even though I have enjoyed being in an arrangement, you deserve more than that.”

“But what about the concerns you had before we broke up?”

“A part of me still has those but as you said, the people whose opinions you care about know the truth and let’s be honest, you have been on the team now for several months and your record speaks for itself but I will only be open if you are ready.”

Casey kisses him.

“I am happy to be open when I come back to work Ethan.”

Ethan smiles and returns her kiss. They spend the day in bed. Despite being with Ethan, Casey was still dealing with her own demons from the attack. Casey feels that she needs to speak to a professional about it and she also wants to get back to work. They see a therapist at Edenbrook, Dr Phelps. Ethan comes with her to the appointment. Casey does better than she thinks she would coming back to Edenbrook so soon after her stay. It was sad not seeing Bobby and she knew it would be sad not seeing Danny. Dr Phelps assured her that what she was feeling was a normal part of survivors' guilt. Casey also mentioned she was eager to get back to work. There had been no conditions of how she had to be to come back but Dr Phelps wanted her to at least take two weeks off and come back part time and go from there. Casey was agreeable to this.

She and Ethan agreed to Casey staying with him for two weeks. Ethan took the first week off. When Casey was not having a therapy session, they found solace in each other. Casey knew that using sex as a coping mechanism was not the most healthy thing but it helped her feel alive. The week that Ethan went back to work came. Casey enjoyed being by herself. She read some of Ethan’s books and went to a few therapy sessions. She also had a back to work meeting with Naveen and Ethan, as well as HR where they discussed Casey coming back to work part time. They also brought up their relationship. That it was not an arrangement, a fling but a bona fide relationship. Naveen was happy that they were back together. Despite Ethan’s position they agreed with Naveen’s blessing that Ethan could continue to be her manager. Ethan was relieved. Naveen was happy and so was Casey. Ethan and Casey had already discussed keeping work at work and personal away from work and they agreed to be professional at work. Ethan stated he would disclose to the team when she came back. Casey was apprehensive but also happy to be out in the open. She knew that June was hellbent on finding out what was the deal between her and Ethan, she was optimistic that her and Ethan being in the open but also the approval of HR it would make her think twice in her plans.

————

Authors note: I am looking forward to writing out June and her end is coming. Also there will be a bit of pain coming also so do not say I did not warn you.

For those who have read this far thank you ans dor those who wish to be added to my tags please let me know.

Tagging: @jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @youlookappropriate @cariantha @alj4890 @bex-la-get @crazy-loca-blog @a-crepusculo @tessa-liam @potionsprefect @liaromancewriter @lucy-268 @peonierose @ofmischiefandmedicine @schnitzelbutterfingers @binny1985 @trappedinfanfiction

@openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations

#open heart #choices fanfic writers creations #ethan ramsey #casey valentine #Tobias Carrick #June Hirata #au #post attack #choices #choices fanfic #play choices #open heart fanfic

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lleldey · 1 year

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the broken vow is so overwhelming and mindblowing, i cried while reading it idek why 😭😭😭 you’ve a great job creating this masterpiece! 🔥 but i have few questions lingering in my mind, 1. what is the backstory behind their divorce? (might missed it bc tears got my eyes blurry lol) 2. what happened to tae afterwards? 🥺 3. will y/n love jk as much as before after what he had done? (not gonna ask about jk since he’s the yandere here so the answer is obvious lmao)

Hi! Yeah, you weren’t the only one who was crying over the story - the first scene I wrote was of him crying in the apartment. Somehow his backstory really affected me, and one thing led to another - I was crying for his character.

But! I should disclose that my sympathy was so prominent simply because I can’t imagine the pain of your closest person leaving you (we do not support his yandere actions). Even more so, if you wake up from coma, and are expected to simply deal with it - I don’t think I would be able to cope with that. So, my heart really cried out for him.

And for your questions!

1. I never disclosed it word-for-word, rather mentioned it every once in a while, so no worries! The idea is, that JK got into a motorcycle accident after which his body went into a coma-like state. He was like that for almost 8 years, and in that time MC met Tae. She decided to move on with her life after doctors said there’s basically no hope left for him to ever wake up. And after waiting 5 years for him, she went ahead with the divorce.

I actually went into a deep-dive of how divorces happen if one of the parties is in coma, and turns out you have to present hard evidence that the person is to never wake up. That ties into the last plot - fraud documents. JK pressurised the doctors to testify that they never gave out these documents to MC, and so the story arch with court/annulled divorce begins. (The last part is completely made up, so I hope that none of my readers study/work within law departments 🙈)

2. The annulled divorce leads to MC’s and Tae’s marriage to be invalid. But at the end of the story we see, that MC succumbs to JK’s scheme, and decides to stay with him. Therefore, Tae is let free of JK’s wrath (although, there will always be distaste between both of them).

Except for JK’s yandere tendencies, he has very gentle characteristics; MC for sure made JK pull some strings so that his farm is back in business.

But aside from business factors, he’s heart broken. They had been married for 2 years at that point, so he had clear vision of his future (that being side by side with MC). And now that it’s torn apart, he has to learn how to be alone again.

3. It’s hard to measure how much you love someone. JK will always hold a dear place in her heart - at the end of the day, they are each others first love. Love has always tied them together, and it will continue to do so.

I’m rather thinking of how their every day life looks like - MC is definitely more conscious around him; JK displayed his power over her, and that left her extremely restless. A bigger factor tho would be the one I only lightly touched upon - we know that coma influenced JK’s mental and physical health, but we looked over how it influenced MC’s. She was by his bedside for 5 years almost every day. And now the poor woman is unable to do so much as to even watch him sleep. Wouldn’t be surprised if JK woke up with an empty bed space, only to find her sleeping in the living room 🤷🏼‍♀️

Also, I saw you recommending LIAG, thank you so much, remote embraces wherever you are!

Thank you for the ask, hope this helped! ☺️

#TBV asks

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theawakenedstate · 8 months

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Are you Living in a Vibration of Abundance Mindset or Scarcity Thinking? We’re kicking off the first Live workshop in the membership: Rooted into Abundance and I wanted to talk a bit deeper into WHY having an Abundance Mindset can completely transform your life and relationships.

With being in mid Inflation, Recession talk and an ever-changing landscape of stressed-out grocery visits with humor-induced poverty memes floating across social media – This current era is reeking of scarcity talk 😱👻💀

Let’s Face it – Understanding the concept of Abundance vs Scarcity thinking is an important Discussion now more than ever.

It’s a level of Law of attraction that goes a bit deeper than just Materialism – it’s about going into the ROOT OF MINDSET and ENERGETICS.

and Mindset is my specialty 😉

Here’s the Question, you need to embrace:

Are you living in a vibration of Abundance or a vibration of Scarcity?

This is a concept that can seriously change your life as I often see this problem with so many people especially within the Spiritual Community.

If you’re looking for the secret to a happier, more peaceful or even gentler life, all you need to do is open up to New Mindsets. The one in particular i’m talking about is learning to condition your mind to an Abundance Mindset.

Scarcity Thinking Keeps you Limited In a Scarcity mindset we’re always associating from the illusion of separation by believing there is never enough and there is only a limited supply available to us.

our vibrations give off a desperate, needy energy that feels like we’re trying to push too much to get a desired result. This mentality keeps us contracted, stuck and gets us to believe we’re only in a very limited reality.

In a limited reality you can only see what is right in front of you, instead of believing beyond what you can physically see.The Abundance that is always available to us.

This is why a scarcity mindset can bring a lot of unconscious pain, struggle and suffering.

Signs You’re in a Scarcity Mindset:

Energetic attachments. You overly attach to people, things or even outcomes.

You desperately Cling to Relationships or try to Control them

Creating a pushy and needy energy – gotta gotta gotta get it done

You often are afraid to make investments or spend money (especially on yourself) due to fear.

You may have a fear of getting rid of things and have trouble letting go, (hoarders anyone?)

Always Jealous or envious of what others have and you don’t

Holding a lot of resentment, especially over wealthy people, more fortunate people or people who have more than you

You create a lot of Judgment, Negative self-talk and prone to trolling or picking up debates

Time is often your enemy – there is never enough time – right?

Comparisonitis – We compare ourselves to others, feeling we’re not good enough in our true authenticity

You feel inferior to higher brands, luxury stores or can’t even imagine being close to one.

You believe people are stealing energy from you or you are worried about others copying you

You are a miser when it comes to ideas, money or things – not willing to share

You fear change or dislike heavily feeling uncomfortable if your routine is off creating a ton of cognitive dissonance when experiencing change

You tend to merely settle for less than what you deserve.

You tell yourself you can’t have what you want and you have a whole story of excuses to go with it.

5 ways an Abundance Mindset Can Transform Your Thinking and Inevitably Your Life

1. An Abundance Mindset Trains You to KEEP GOING + ATTRACT MORE

When you Focus on conditioning yourself to have an Abundance Mindset –

You DROP your negative Bias and Begin to Keep going.

You Start Attracting More abundance in all forms such as Love, More than enough of what you need, desire and want, money, abundance of health, etc.

Scarcity: Stops you in your Tracks from taking action you need to take due to FEAR and UNCERTAINTY

2. Abundance Mindset Enhances your Relationships

When you’re in an Abundance Mindset, you naturally attract deeply loving fulfilling relationships, good support, communication and active listening.

Because you’re focused on the natural abundance IN the relationship – you’re not constantly projecting that this person isn’t enough, you’re not weighing pros and cons and you’re certainly not being inauthentic with who you are so you don’t attract that either.

Scarcity: highlights flaws: Nothing IS WORSE than when someone picks you apart, when you come at a lens of scarcity all you see is what someone isn’t doing, their weaknesses or misgivings – you’re deflecting the love and abundance in your actual relationship

3. We Believe unconditionally there is always more than Enough

When you train your mind to believe unconditionally there is always more than enough, you soften your nervous system to feel safer.

You suddenly are okay to relax, let go of ‘there’s never enough time, food, money, etc. and ‘you’re not enough.

You Shift your Perception to filter from ‘there is always more than enough for my needs, desires and wants to be met always no matter what, i am infinitely supported by the divine supply.

Scarcity: Heightens your Anxiety of fear of the future which products an unconscious reaction to go into Fight/flight Mode – producing a survivalist reaction to simple mundane things – even if it’s simply ‘the day to get groceries’ your BRAIN DOESNT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE and panics.

4. You Allow Yourself the Freedom to JUST BE ENOUGH

This is SO COMMON and an issue i’ve also dealt with time and time again – When you focus on your Abundance internally – You allow yourself to be enough as you are.

You stop trying to be something or someone you’re not, you relax into being the fullness of you – the abundance of YOU (we’ll be talking about this concept in the workshop for sure)

The Abundance of You is you in your fullest authentic expression of self.

Scarcity: Projects an illusion that you’re always doing it wrong, you’re never enough or too much for people, you can’t just settle into being you. This causes a reactive habit of external influence and project success always telling you WHO TO BE.

5. When you Think Differently – You ACT DIFFERENTLY

When conditioning yourself to operate from an Abundance Mindset, you suddenly will start to take different intuitive aligned actions forward.

You will suddenly gain: energy, insight, love of self, intuition, passion, and even confidence

Scarcity: Because Scarcity thinking keeps you in doubt and limited thought.

What do you think? Which one most resonates with you?

Rooted into Abundance: The Live Workshop event is Now Open!

Grab your Ticket or Join the new membership to save your seat today!

Rooted into Abundance is a Live Online Event and interactive Workshop Experience designed to help you Step More Fully into Empowered Abundance and Confidence in your life.

A Grounded Down to Earth Conversation on the Root Chakra to help you Transform your Scarcity Thinking into Abundance. Overcome Scarcity/Lack Mindset, and Break Free from Your Perceived Limitations.

Full Details Below: http://theawakenedstate.net/rooted-into-abundance-workshop/

https://www.theawakenedstate.net/5-ways-an-abundance-mindset-will-transform-your-life/

5 Ways an Abundance Mindset Will Transform Your Life

#abundance #abundance mindset #abundant thinking #mindfulness #mindset

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odds--are · 1 year

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To people asking about why I don’t like z***… idk if y’all follow her on Twitter or on her alt insta (ripzephcore) but she frequently has meltdowns where she’s obviously talking about Matt (doesn’t name him but she’s talking about her relationship) and rants about a specific problem she has with him. For example, a month or so ago she went off on her insta story for literally 20 fucking minutes about how she texted him saying she missed him and when he responded it was short and he didn’t say he missed her back. Keep in mind this was when he was on tour so he was obviously busy. She proceeded to make a huge ordeal about it, going on about how she has BPD so she overthinks everything and needs more attention/reads more into things more than the average person etc. and just went on and on about how awful it made her feel, and then made sure to say “if it was ME, no matter how busy I was I would always make sure to say I miss you back.” It’s hard to describe here but it was genuinely shocking to watch her put him on blast in front of her like 10k followers, (even if their relationship is not that public). Also, he follows that account so he obviously saw the stories. It’s like the worlds most aggressive form of subtweeting I’ve ever seen. And she’s done this multiple times on Instagram AND Twitter, sobbing about their relationship issues for the entire world to see, including him. It’s psychotic. Whether she means it to be or not, it’s absolutely fucked up.

In her most recent meltdown (like within the last few days on insta), she literally compared their relationship to owning a dog. She was complaining about her being mentally ill and “too much” for someone to handle in a relationship, and how she obviously isn’t getting enough attention/care whatever in that regard. This next part is verbatim what she said:

Imagine you were about to get a dog, but then the dog was like "STOP: I have a million health problems and I will cost a lot at the vet. And I'll tear up all your furniture. And I'll still love you and be cute but I'll be really hard to take care of.” And then the person ignores all that and is like, "I got it," because the dog's just cute. So what I'm saying is that if I warn you from the beginning and you STILL hurt my feelings, I don't think that's a me problem anymore.

No, maybe you should take some responsibility for your own actions? Being mentally ill is not an excuse to just be an asshole. Anyway, I’m so over her. I can’t imagine being Matt having to see that shit she posts about him in front of everyone including their mutual friends. I don’t know how she thinks that’s ok because it’s definitely not

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prinrue · 2 years

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The Mechanics of Automail

Table of Contents

PART ONE: PLANNING AND SURGERY

Pre-Surgical Readiness

Before a person can be outfitted with automail, it must be determined if they are even eligible to receive it.

In general, a potential outfittee must be at least sixteen years of age and in good physical health to be considered. For prospective patients younger than sixteen, parental consent is required. Oftentimes, a young patient will meet with a mechanic and receive basic prosthetics until they are of age to decide if automail is right for them. Even then, most outfittees wait until around the age of twenty to undergo automail surgery, so their bodies have mostly finished growing.

If a child or adolescent does receive consent for automail, they will likely need to undergo multiple corrective surgeries over the years as they continue to grow. The static internal structure of automail can stunt bone growth and even break during growth spurts if not adjusted. This is why most children and parents opt for standard prostheses until the growing process is complete, as well as why child automail is a bit of a taboo in the field.

As for physical health, a potential outfittee must be in good condition to undergo surgery. As such, one cannot be outfitted immediately following amputation. At least two weeks of healing are required to even consider it, and oftentimes, the patient will train with standard lower-limb prosthetics before going under the knife.

The patient cannot be sick or injured in order to receive surgery, and preferably would be in acceptable mental health as well. Malnutrition, viruses, infection, and even serious depression are tickets to immediate denial for surgery. Of course, surgery can always be done once the patient recovers.

So What About Ed?

In my timeline for FMA, Edward’s journey from human transmutation to automail is much longer than most fans have depicted it.

Edward and Alphonse commit the taboo in early-mid August, after being back in school for only a few days. Edward, having flatlined on the operating table, is unconscious for six days following his near-death experience, then suffers from a half-conscious, half-comatose state for another eight days. In week three, he has the stitches removed from his leg, but can’t have the ones in his shoulder taken out until at least a month later.

Because of the risk of his shoulder wound reopening, he cannot be fitted for a prosthetic leg like most amputees can once the incision heals. (I made this decision based on the fact that the bandages on his shoulder remain even after the ones on his leg are no longer seen [Brotherhood, ep. 2]. In real life, lower limb amputees are often healed within three weeks of amputation, and can begin the prosthetic fitting process soon after. But, with a second, much more vulnerable wound, Ed could not take part in this typical sequence of events.) As such, he can only be mobile by wheelchair, and it is also during this time that he begins to fully understand what’s happened. As seen in BH and the manga, he grows severely depressed, rooted in his guilt over what he did to Alphonse and his mother. This depression, mixed with the frustration of dependency and pretty much just being stuck in his thoughts all day, deteriorates his condition further. I imagine by the worst of it, he’s malnourished, sickly, even selectively mute; his poor health slows his shoulder’s healing process further, and leaves him even more dependent, worsening the depressive cycle.

In my timeline, Colonel Mustang’s visit occurs about two months after human transmutation. This means Edward has been in poor health for five weeks, and is physically incapable of handling automail surgery.

…Not that Pinako was even considering it up until this point. With child automail being such a taboo and with no parental consent to speak of, I believe the Rockbells were originally going to take the safe route and outfit Ed with a standard prosthetic leg until he turned sixteen. It’s only with his sudden interest in living again that breaks Pinako’s willpower and forces her to agree to do automail surgery.

Still, Edward’s body has been neglected for over a month and he is nowhere near ready for automail surgery. So, he has to go through intensive training for a month to prove he is serious about wanting automail, and is physically and mentally capable of handling it. This involves working with a basic prosthetic leg (which I concluded due to the existence of Arakawa’s side story “Long Night”, featuring an armless Ed using a basic leg), as well as exercise and a managed diet.

A month passes and Edward is finally ready for the operation. But just what does that entail?

#anime #fullmetal alchemist #fma #fmab #automail #edward elric #when you're just writing a fanfic and end up making an entire thesis about a made up medical procedure #why did i spend so much time on this #not a doctor #headcanon

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supergeekie · 1 year

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Starting My Journey

Happy Lunar New Year, Everyone!!

For those who don’t follow my twitter, I’ve been trying to better my health and I’ve found the best way to do that is to try and get the biggest support system I can and be HONEST with them.

So today, I’m going to start a weekly update on some things I’m doing and welcome any feedback and advice and hopefully we can all progress together! I’m doing this on tumblr because it’s easier to ramble here... don’t judge me.

So welcome to my first Self-Care Sunday!

So today I am 9% to my goal which is not much but every little helps. And today I want to talk about something important.

Meditation

Now while I am trying to improve my physical health, spiritual and mental health is a huge part of that. So I actually make a point to mediate twice a day. But honestly, even once or twice a week can be enough to make a huge impact on your mental state.

Now I’ve been meditating since I was in high school so it comes naturally to me but there are a lot of resources out there if you’re just getting started. Some are free... some not so much. Find what works for you! And if you’re of the religious persuasion, there are many ways of connecting to the spiritual in any faith. Morning and evening prayers, centering prayers, liturgical music... whatever you need to get in touch with the spiritual. And if you’re atheist? ...Sorry, can’t help you.

In my case, I actually start the day meditating. Some people jump out of bed in the morning saying “Thank God for another glorious day!!” But me? I usually want to lie in bed saying “Lord, give me the strength to get through another day.” And so I both ask for that strength and give myself that strength too. I need a moment to adjust to being alive again, so I make it a point to hit the snooze button every morning. And in that 3-9 minutes I just take a moment to breathe. Just be aware of my body and my surroundings. I try not to think about what I have to do that day quite yet (despite my hungry cats) and I just focus on being. Now you may ask “But how do you keep yourself from falling asleep again?” Well uh... OK, I do fall back asleep more often that I would like to admit. But that’s OK, likely my mind and body needed that little extra rest. I just have to be sure I’m ready to face the day when the alarm goes off a second time.

The second time I meditate is right before I go to bed. This is a much longer mediation, usually around 30 minutes. I have a few methods I like to use for this. There are many videos out there for meditation. Either walking you through one or just soothing sights and sounds to help calm you. In my case I don’t use those for a few reasons. As someone who has done this a long time, the instructional voice is more distracting than helpful. And the videos cast light into my room which is what I’m trying to avoid. I turn down the lights an hour before meditating. I also make a point of turning off my computer and TV at this point but I will admit it’s harder to let go of my phone... but I do attempt to look at the screen more sparingly. So instead I just listen to calming music (although white noise is just as valid). I either listen to a half hour playlist or turn on the iheartradio app and put on the half hour sleep timer (the drawback of this is the adds but if you’re able to pay for add free it might work for you). As you can imagine, I do this as I attempt to fall asleep. The timer is critical but I’ll go over that later. First, what’s important is the mental state going in. I begin to meditate on the day. Not everything I did wrong, but everything I did right. Some days may seem like a failure but the best way to improve is not focus on what you got wrong but on what went well and vowing to repeat such patterns going forward. Even if all you did was get out of bed, brush your teeth, wash your face... whatever successes you had, focus on them. As for the limit to the music, as I mentioned I do this meditation to more easily fall asleep. If the music ends and I’m still awake enough to be aware of it, it means I’m having insomnia and I need to restart. I’ll go into more detail how I do this some other week.

I think that’s about it. Let me know if you guys have any questions, tips, or ideas and I’ll see you in the coming weeks!

#selfcaresunday

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smileygoth · 7 months

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3. Bloodlines (WODtober 2023)

Part 3 of my WODtober story. Taking the daily prompts and trying to weave a vampire story from them! In this chapter, our protagonist struggles to remember who she is, but instead finds someone else...

Word Count: 679 words.

CW: Mental health themes.

Image from Psychology Today (it's actually an interesting read on the subject of hallucinations and mental health if you're interested - #stopthestigma)

Find parts 1 and 2 here!

In her new clothes she was able to wander freely without drawing any stares, and to her surprise the hoodie seemed to be quite resistant to the rain. She spent a few hours posing as a homeless unfortunate, approaching people and asking for change. She found herself to be quite persuasive; whether it was her soft voice or her small stature, people who turned to her with a frown nonetheless would happily part with a few pounds. By the time the sky started to lighten she had enough to pay for a room in one of the cheap hotels that littered the outskirts of the city. The receptionist took her money without comment and handed her a metal key, pretending not to look at her soaked jeans and dirty face. The room was on the top floor, which suited her fine. Once she was shut inside with the door locked she pulled the curtains closed, dragged the flimsy wardrobe in front of the window, and then - and only then - did she allow herself to come out of survival mode and start to think.

Who am I? She thought again, as a slow panic started to build in her chest. Why can’t I remember?

She knew what she was, she had no doubts about that. She knew she’d done something terrible, and that there would be people and worse after her now. But names, places, a meaning to all this; she couldn’t remember. Was this part of what had been done to her - part of the staking, the wooden box in the foyer of the Harrogate building?

The panic inside her swelled when she thought of that box. She drew in a deep breath she didn’t need, trying to fight it down, her eyes flicking around her, seeing but not taking in the simple furnishings, the dusty TV. The breath came out as a strangled sob, and she clapped her hands over her mouth to keep it in. The first bloody tears escaped from her eyes, and then another voice spoke, and she froze.

Pathetic, the voice said. Snivelling in your bolthole like the cowardly thief you are.

The voice was female, older, cool and husky like silk. It was completely unlike her own soft, lilting voice. But it was nonetheless coming from inside her own head. Her hands tightened over her mouth as she listened with wide eyes. Did she imagine it? Was she going crazy?

You didn’t imagine me. I am very real, the voice purred. More real than you, perhaps. More worthy than you for certain, you miserable little waste of the Blood.

She peeled her hands away from her mouth. In a trembling voice, she said, ‘Wh-who are you? How am I hearing you?’

Ignorant too, I see. You know nothing. You are nothing. Especially now, if you cannot even recall your own name. I ought to destroy you here and now. I doubt anyone would ever miss a useless whelp like you.

Jumping to her feet, she spun around, searching for an attacker. There was no one, not even in the tiny bathroom. She was alone. ‘What’s happening to me?’ she gasped.

The consequences of your actions, the voice hissed menacingly. You deserve every second of this misery. The only reason I am leaving you alive is so I can watch you suffer. But rest assured, once I am satisfied, I will end you.

‘Why?’ She cried out, eyes still helplessly searching the room. ‘What did I do?’

You killed me, you little wretch, the voice replied, dripping with venom. And this is only the beginning of my revenge.

She opened her mouth to reply, but a sudden intense pressure inside her mind made her words dry up on her tongue. It was as if a hand had reached into her skull and was squeezing her brain. She clawed uselessly at her temples for a moment, whimpering, trying to hold on, but in vain. The pressure increased, and she felt her consciousness forcibly pushed aside as blackness swam across her vision and dragged her down.

#vamily #vampire the masquerade #vampire #vampirism #dark pack #world of darkness #vtm #vamptober #wodtober #wod

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