#I do have chronic headaches though and migraines every once in a while

[delta-piscium]

me 🤝 Steve

had multiple concussions

(this fandom has me a bit god damn concerned)

#y’all ‘you can only get hit in the head so many times’ #me *nervous fucking laughter* #but don’t worry I read up on it and like it’s fine #it’s just fandom exaggeration and angsty headacnons we are good #I do have chronic headaches though and migraines every once in a while #so 👍 #and so many issues with light sensitivity and noise but I’m also autistic and u know sensory shit #anyways I get stressed every time bc I’ve had 3 concussions for sure and maybe two more it’s unclear #so between 3-5 #personal #dels endless rambles

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

okay weird q incoming but what ways do you think speedsters can get sick? Like to my understanding, they can’t really come down with normal virus’ like the flu, right? But they could get things like chronic migraines?

NANOBOTS!!! This is one of the best pieces of canon lore ever. I did a whole post on it but TLDR: normal human metabolisms have so much shit going on that they don't even notice nanobots in their body BUT speedsters have hyper accelerated metabolisms that are the equivalent of the straight A's overachiever in school on meth. So speedster metabolisms do notice nanobots and they attack full force, triggering all of the body's defenses and responses.

But the nanobots are metal so it obviously doesn't do anything. It just leaves the speedster lethargic, feverish, vomiting, dizzy, with a headache, sore muscles and a runny nose, ect. It's basically an allergic reaction.

Now, poisoning them can work depending on what the poison is/what the dosage is. You would need a 100% fatal poison and you would need a fairly high dose. Because speedsters heal fast and they have a hyper accelerated metabolism, so any poison that is based on toxicity (alcohol poisoning for example) would be out of their system faster than it could even take effect.

But poisons that can't be cleared out/processed by the body (take cyanide for example, it binds with the chemical receptors in your body making it physically impossible to use oxygen) wouldn't really be affected by their metabolism at all. So while the speedsters could heal the damaged tissues from these poisons fairly quickly (making it seem as though they were only slightly affected) they would ultimately need time to do so, time they would not have if it kills them first. This isn't technically what you are asking because there would be no substance that 'makes them sick', there would only be 'fine', 'not fine for like a minute and then fine again' and 'dead'. (... unless they were hooked up to a steady supply of the toxin)

Likewise, (this is getting more into theoretical territory, less canon) there might be some illnesses that would affect them? Not for long but if you got something super fucking fatal like Rabies, it might make them display mild cold symptoms for a day or something.

I don't know though. They have really fucking good immune systems. And even super fatal diseases can be fought. Take my example of Rabies, while it is commonly thought to be 100% fatal once symptoms show up there actually have been cases of people surviving it. Rabies is a very stealthy and fast disease, so the main problem with treating it is that your body's immune system isn't fast enough to stop it. People have survived by being placed in medically induced comas (slowing their bodily functions and thus the disease) for long enough that the medication can eradicate it. So for a speedster? That's gone in a minute tops. You would need an insane disease that I'm not sure even exists.

There's also like... pregnancy and menstruation. Growing pains, muscle pain from running is a BIG ONE, being dehydrated/starvation, blood loss, ect. Lots of ways to fuck with a speedster in a way they can't immediately fix.

There are also speedster specific ailments. It's basically 50/50 if a natural born speedster gets a weird highly fatal aging disease. Sometimes speedsters can be born without a kinetic energy shield which makes using their powers at all incredibly fatal to them. All speedsters will have connectivity issues at some point that can be fatal. Sometimes Time Gets Bad™ (shout out to when Barry kept chronically stealing time from people/things every time he used his powers). Sometimes they have too much energy and can't maintain human form (shout out to when Wally didn't know what the speedforce was and was accidentally cosplaying Ghost Rider). Velocity 9 is a highly addictive drug that works on speedsters and makes them display typical addiction behavior (and withdrawal). V9 can also cause a speedster to 'overdose' (burst into flames/lightning/energy). They all have the constant urge to yeet themselves into the speedforce. Ect.

#here's the thing: they are made of speedforce but its not a skin deep thing. you feel me? like their CELLS are made of speedforce #so all shit still affects them #i keep saying that they don't need oxygen or food to survive and thats true but its only if they're actively compensating with speedforce #cause they can get energy from the speedforce or they can get energy from oxygen and food or both. they can't do neither #and they don't really *know* or understand that theyd be fine with JUST speedforce energy. they still think they need oxygen and food #so if they were suffocating or something they might instinctively crank up the speedforce to compensate but they're also very stupid #so they might just die. idk it really depends on who it is how much they know and how much SF they're drawing on #cause like... energy beings need energy yo #i hope this makes sense #the muscle pain one is interesting cause Wallys early runs are really big on the whole hitting the wall thing #he would hit a wall that he physically couldn't break through and it caused him a lot of pain. #some of that was not being hooked up properly cause Wally wasn't hooked up properly until he was an ADULT #because he is FUCKING INSANE and he just went 'huh i guess this is my limit and i will stay below it' liKE AN INSANE PERSON #anyway some of it was SF issues and some of it was mental but he actually got really really hurt anytime he got close to the wall #REALLY bad muscle pain. and like... it was potentially extremely fatal. 'breaking down your body into little bits' fatal #he doesn't get that anymore because hes properly hooked up now but jfc that man treated 'entering the death zone' like it was #the high score to beat at his local arcade. he took it as a fucking challenge. absolutely insane dude right there

[fearthebadgers]

Gently asking for Arkham Knight Jon Headcanons <3

You have made a grave mistake Moffy >:) you would think that I, Badger, would write something soft and sweet like a kitten's purring but you would be mistaken. Behold! Angst! Mixed generously with a fine powdered reader-insert element! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA YOU HAVE FALLEN INTO MY TRAP

- While in recovery after Croc's attack, Jonathan became very emotionally distraught. The pain he experienced every waking day left his emotional state in utter tatters. It truly broke your heart whenever he would ask you if he was ever going to heal. Though as soon as this part of him came to light, it vanished. The day that he became virtually emotionless was the day he sewed that damn mask to his face. You walked in on him doing so and all he did was look behind his shoulder at you, then simply proceeded to return to doing what he had been before you interrupted. After that, the only detectable emotions he harbored were anger and hate.

- As a result of a head injury in the asylum, Jonathan developed chronic headaches and migraines. Even with his various pain-relieving medications, these days are usually spent in bed. White dots dance in what remains of his vision and his head throbs as though a bullet were lodged in his cranium. 

- Eventually, with time, Jonathan will become fully blind. He’s halfway there already with all his sight gone from his right eye. The head injury he sustained caused his vision to worsen so quickly, that most of his sight was missing within a year or two of the incident. The left side of his vision is in better condition than his right. He’s able to make out blurry images in his peripherals and while he’s completely blind in his right eye, he’s merely farsighted in his left. 

- With his limited sight, reading has become a struggle. He gets so frustrated with not being able to read as well and as often as he used to. Sometimes he becomes so fed up with not being able to see he’s thrown books in anger. A thing that once brought him so much comfort was so quickly torn away from him and it’s made him bitter. 

- Jonathan has an addiction to the morphine and sedatives he uses to stave off his physical and mental aches. It's the only thing that helps to completely relieve him of pain and other issues that hinder him from doing work. 

- Jonathan seems to have nightmares every single night. The snapping jaws of a crocodile, fists pounding against his skull and ribs, water surging into his lungs; all haunt his mind while asleep. If he wakes up from a nightmare, he'll usually just stay awake for the rest of the night. If he can't already sleep soundly, why keep trying? More often than not you wake to an empty bed. 

- The most painful thing about the injuries he suffered was not the damage to his left leg or anywhere else, but to his lips. He loved to lay his lips against your skin, alighting it with soft, sweet kisses. But now.. he can’t. Half of his lips have been torn to nothing, leaving his gums and teeth partially exposed. Kissing is no longer something he can comfortably partake in with you anymore. Now, whenever he tries it’s awkward and he struggles to be affectionate in those ways. While romance already was not exactly his strong suit, he feels even worse at it now. 

- Jonathan’s paranoia doesn’t stop at thoughts of Batman’s bruising fists or Croc’s teeth. While he doesn’t voice it aloud, he’s constantly terrified you’ll leave him. There are so many better people out there for you. Why him? He’s disfigured, constantly in pain, disturbed mentally and emotionally. He truly believes that he doesn’t deserve you. 

- He feels safe with locked doors. Any room he's in he locks the door behind him. It's nothing against you whatsoever, don't get him wrong, it just helps to ease his paranoia to a degree. Of course, if you knock and ask if you can come in, he'll let you inside but he'll re-lock the door as soon as you come in.

- When one of the militia said that "Scarecrow is probably huffing his toxin," he wasn't wrong. Not only is Jonathan addicted to drugs that relieve his pain, but he's also dependent on the gas variation of his toxin. While he receives a pleasurable high from the gas, the same cannot be said for his liquid of terror. The difference being is in the chemical make-up of the gas and the liquid version of his toxin. Both do differ from each other and work/function in the body differently. 

- The injected dose he receives from Batman was enough to be lethal. Thankfully, Jonathan has just enough resistance built up to hold out against what he went through at the end of Arkham Knight. If he were an average person with little to no resistance, he would have surely died as a result of the injection. 

#Jonathan Crane #Scarecrow #Arkhamverse #Arkham Knight #headcanons

[centralsaints]

mcl headcanon masterpost pt.1 - armin

let's start this off with my long term favourites; the twins. this is armin's part, and alexy is next!

will start this with his full name being armin frederic lemaire

if you name a joint, he has probably dislocated it at least once in his life. he’s always been hypermobile, having chronic pain (mistaken as growing pains) and fatigue, being prone to dislocation. that later becomes a diagnosis of hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome.

that makes him also prone to getting migraines and headaches regularly, explaining the whole hating bright lights thing

he has had an eating disorder on and off since he was about 15; partly diagnosed, he meets the criteria for OSFED, so his ed is a bit. weird and all over the place. it’s mostly periods of restriction with a fear/disgust of food, followed by periods of binging and eating more or less normally. he’s closer to atypical bulimia, in terms of specifics, because the binge/purge episodes aren’t that frequent. he went inpatient once, and still jokes about how he was the only guy there. only his family knows about his eating issues as of now.

another thing about the ed is that it was already kind of in the making when alexy had his unaliving attempt, but that was really what kickstarted it all.

around UL, with nathaniel going absolutely off the fucking rails, armin and amber struck an odd friendship. they both could clock the other on their fucked up eating issues, but neither said anything for a long time, until amber did. they agreed to try and recover together.

his favourite pokemon type is ghost (thank you anon, idk anything about pokemon but i wanted to include this)

he plays animal crossing with kentin (who doesn’t like admitting that he plays it because it’s very relaxing for him) and jade.

he’s a gemini sun, cancer rising, libra moon, same as alexy.

he has add (adhd inattentive type) and his most common stims are bouncing his leg and chewing his pens. his object permanence is also absolute shit, if its out of sight, it doesn’t exist.

he doesn’t untie his shoes when taking them off or putting them on, and has ruined many perfectly good pairs of shoes that way.

he has made tik toks starring rocket the ferret

his playlists are lo-fi music, video games and movie soundtracks, and like. twenty one pilot.

his nose is crooked from when he broke it around 11 years old

he also bruises really easily (mostly due to his EDS) and his legs are always covered in various bruises. he’s also very clumsy, which doesn’t help

he doesn’t like alcohol; he doesn’t like the taste, the way it makes him feel and the aftermath; it doesn’t take much to affect him and he’ll sleep for an entire day. but he’ll sometimes drink in social situation just to not feel left out.

he’s bisexual. the less obvious stuff; what’s his type?? I know having a “type” isn't really a thing and u like who u like. with that said i think hed like slightly androgynous looking girls (soft spot for shaved heads. its soft;;), girls who are very very feminine but in an out of the ordinary way (think lolita, hyper pop fem vibe, goth girls in corsets, etc), guys who work out (he has a weakness for back muscles), in general people who stand out in a crowd be it with their appearance, style or their attitude

no i still have absolutely no idea how he would come out. i think he probably didn’t. he just started talking about it naturally, because it wasn’t a big deal. i think one day, either his mom or alexy made jokes about oh, when would he finally take this one cute girl on a date, and he just said, or maybe it’ll be a boy. it just happened like that

ref post for his fashion sense

he can do a killer winged liner. look, man’s into cosplay, of course he can.

he’s played mystic messenger ironically at first and then ended up actually liking it

he actually can draw, because he spent all middle school drawing anime characters in all his notebooks

he always sits kind of awkwardly (proof is the episode 12 illustration lmao) because 1. bi people can’t sit right (source: me) and 2. he’s just. really lanky and has long limbs and doesn’t really know what to do with all of it

this one is from an anon last year: “I have this weird hc about the twins. Alexy sleeps with like a million pillows and blankets , while Armin tries to sleep with pillows but throws it out every time even though he's asleep.” and i love it. he also probably sleep in very weird positions which leads to him waking up hurting a lot of the time

he also has a weighted blanket that he and alexy kind of just. get turns using when they both still live at their parents house. it helps armin’s pain, and alexy’s overstimulation issues. when they leave, armin gets the weighted blanket

armin has a dimple on his right cheek when he smiles

he helped alexy dye his hair until they moved out and started living separately

he has his driving license, but alexy doesn’t

he’s scared of dogs (he probably met demon at one point bc i like him and cas being friends, and he was so nervous about it, poor boy

he likes taking ice cold shower in the evening because the cold water and then sinking in a warm bed make him sleepy and actually helps him fall asleep

he probably played dnd at one point

he smokes ouid occasionally, at first it was recreational, but it kind of helped with his joint pain so

i think this is all of them? i might be missing a few ones i never wrote out or that are buried in my files but i honestly don't feel like going through the dozen unfinished fics and compilation documents that mention armin in my drive or i would still be here next year

#my candy love #mcl #mcl armin #long post #mcl headcanon

[binunus]

my tylenol when i’m in pain | moon bin

a/n when I got this request, the title of it literally came to me instantly so if you want some cute mood music while reading, listen to lemonade by jeremy passion sksksksk, 

thank you to the cutie who requested this !! I hope your migraines feel better love ❤️ you’re cranking up binnie on my bias list 👀

{request: i get really bad chronic migraines sometimes and I was wondering if you could write something where bin takes care of his s/o when they're not feeling well. if you're okay with that :)}

genre: the fluffiest

word count: 2.2k ________________________________________________

Your POV

It was absolutely beautiful outside. The previous night’s snowfall left a pristine blanket of white on the street. You looked outside your window to see several kids making snowmen or engaging in snowball fights.

Ahh the innocent ideal of the youth.

You wished you could go outside and join in on the winter festivities without any care in the world, but alas being a working adult crushed those wishes any day. And it didn’t help that you felt like complete shit right now. 

For the past week and a half, you were working nonstop on a project that had a heavy deadline submission which ended yesterday. You barely completed it on time, sacrificing your well-loved sleep and meals to have a presentable end product. 

If you were back in high school or college, your stamina could have easily bounced back from the lack of sleep and nutrition, but your body couldn’t handle the neglect right now—and the cold weather only catalyzed your impending sickness.

Trudging back to bed, you winced as you tried to make yourself comfortable under the covers, muscles aching with every movement. You were at least thankful that your boss granted everyone an off-day today because of the snow, giving you one less thing to worry about in your list of priorities.

Faintly, you heard the jingle of keys from your front door, a tinge of excitement filling you at your guest.

“Baby?”

“In my room.”

“Shit, you sound so weak.” Your boyfriend frowned as he entered your bedroom, removing his hat and coat and placing it on the table by your desk. He walked over to where you were laying, leaning down for a kiss when you ducked under the covers, “Binnie, I don’t wanna get you sick.”

He let out a chuckle, removing the blanket from covering your face and stealing a kiss anyway. You scrunched your nose up, “If you get sick, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I’ll take my chances, baby.” Bin said with a smile, taking a seat at the side of your bed. He softly caressed your hair, “Hmm, how are you feeling?”

“A bit better now that you’re here,” You said trying to sound positive, “but if you’re asking me physically? Terrible.”

“Have you eaten?? What about a shower? Taking one helps a lot, and it makes you feel clean.” Bin nagged, thumb rubbing your cheek. You pouted, lightly shaking your head, “I’m not hungry, and it hurts too much when I move. Maybe later Binnie, my head really hurts right now and I just wanna close my eyes.”

He nodded, immediately standing up to go over to the other side of the bed. Bin crawled into bed next to you, arm hooking under your shoulder as you turned to hug his waist, snuggling as close to him as you could get. He kissed your forehead sweetly, humming a little song as you started to get comfortable, his chest as your pillow. Rubbing your arm gently as he sang, it took you only a couple minutes before your breathing evened out, the pounding of your head dulling as sleep overtook you.

Bin nuzzled his nose in your hair, your scent giving him a fluttery feeling in the base of his stomach. A little nap with you was too good to pass at the moment. Just fifteen minutes, Bin thought as he closed his eyes, feeling his body relax against yours.

After a little while, Bin found himself stirring awake, much to his dismay because he loved his sleep. Blinking the drowsiness away, he glanced at you to see that you were still deeply in slumber, soft snores coming out of your mouth. He smiled unable to stop himself from pressing a kiss to your cheek. He almost felt bad untangling himself from your hold at the risk of waking you up.

Carefully, he got up and out of bed, making sure that you were still tucked in before heading to the kitchen, closing the door quietly as he left. Bin let out a huge yawn as he washed his hands in the kitchen sink, getting ready to prep some ingredients for the soup he was about to make. 

Bin played some music on his phone as he cooked, loud enough to give him entertainment, but at a volume so that it wouldn’t disturb you. He was pretty proud of himself after finishing the chicken soup, plating the bowl nicely on one of your bedside trays with some medicine and a glass of water. Bin even cleaned up the pots he used for cooking, knowing that it was better for him to wash it now while he still had the motivation. And there was no way that he would let you lift a finger while he was here taking care of you.

After washing his hands again, Bin went back into your bedroom, tray in hand. He set it down briefly on your table to wake you up, tapping your shoulder. “y/n? Wake up baby.” 

You groaned, eyes still closed as you turned in your bed, back facing your boyfriend. “5 more minutes.”

“Baby, the soup’s gonna get cold. C’mon, you have to eat even a little bit.” He reasoned, pulling the blanket so that your upper half was exposed. You nodded drowsily, struggling as you tried to sit up. Bin smiled, propping some pillows up for you to sit against. “I made chicken soup, after you eat take some medicine okay?”

“Okay,” You nodded slowly with your eyes closed, moving your hair to the back as Bin brought the tray over. Your headache wasn’t as strong as before, but your body still felt like it was throbbing a little, hopefully eating and the medicine would help cure you a bit. 

“Do you want me to feed you?” Bin teased, half jokingly but also you knew he would if you really asked him to. Again, you nodded opening your mouth obediently. Grinning, he took a spoonful of broth, making sure to blow on it so that it wouldn’t be too hot before feeding you. “You’re so cute, y/n. You really are my baby, hm?”

“Mm I’m sick,” You said finally opening your eyes, sleep still heavy on your lids. You weren’t really disagreeing with him though. “That’s really good Binnie, I can feel my sinuses clearing up a little.”

“I made it with love,” He said cutely, leaning over to kiss you quickly on the lips. You let out an amused chuckle, letting his greasy comment slide as you opened your mouth for more. 

The two of you conversed easily as he fed you, catching you up on the latest drama at his work and with his friends. Although Bin made the soup for you, you made sure that he filled his hunger a little bit too, making him finish the rest of the bowl when you felt full. He praised you like a child when you took your medicine and finished the glass of water, it was a bit endearing if you were honest. “Do you need anything right now? How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay baby, thank you.” You said getting comfortable again under the covers. “Cuddle??”

“I’ll just put this away and then I’m all yours.” Bin nodded with a smile, going to the kitchen once more. After a couple minutes, he returned with a towel and a bowl of water.

“I thought we were gonna cuddle?” You pouted looking at him. Laughing, he dipped the towel in the bowl and wrung out the water, bringing it to you and placing it on your forehead. “We are baby, let me just try and bring your fever down a bit, your skin’s burning.”

You nodded, your body basically dead weight as he helped you sit up again, cooling your skin with the damp towel. You hummed in satisfaction, the cold cloth a nice comparison to your hot skin. “We might as well have just taken a bath.”

“Do you want to?” He asked rubbing the towel around your back. “Bath and then cuddle after?”

“Mhm,” You said removing the blanket and getting up, Bin holding your waist as you two walked to the bathroom. He told you to wait a minute as he turned on the water, checking the temperature as it filled up the bathtub. After deeming that the water was at a good amount, Bin started to strip himself of his clothing, stepping into the tub soon after. “Do you want my help, baby?”

“In your dreams,” You quipped removing your shirt. ���Keep your hormones at bay, Binnie, my sick body won’t allow it.”

Your boyfriend chuckled, grabbing his phone from the counter and playing some music. “You know sex can help with removing sickness, y/n?”

“Uh huh, ask me that question again tomorrow and we’ll see how I respond.” You said getting in the tub and nestling between his legs. You shivered a little as your skin made contact with the water, leaning back against Bin’s chest for warmth. He grinned, wrapping his arms around your waist as he pulled you close, pressing a kiss to your temple.

You relaxed in the cage of Bin’s arms, resting your head against his chest as he began to sing along to the song that was playing on his phone, rubbing the belly softly under the water. The two of you sat like that for a while, you cooling down in silence, content with listening to Bin’s voice. 

“Sit up for a second baby, let me wash your hair.” He said, lifting his arms from your body and reaching for your shampoo. He squeezed a generous amount onto his hand, first massaging it into your hair before using the leftover for his own. It was a bit of a struggle to wash away all the suds, the size of your bathtub barely enough to fit both you and Bin comfortably, but you somehow made it work. After deciding that dunking you both under water to rinse off the shampoo clearly wasn’t the right idea, Bin grabbed the shower head and opted for that instead, giggles coming from the both of you.

“Ah Binnie!” You whined as he started to tickle your sides, your boyfriend laughing as he drenched your head with water. “I’m cleansing you of your sickness, baby!”

That cycle repeated again, this time with conditioner, and by the time the two of you were done with your bath-turned-shower, the floor surrounding the tub was wet from all the splashes and Bin’s use of the detachable shower head. 

You shivered, arms hugging your body as Bin grabbed two towels, drying himself off first before doing the same to you. “I could have dried myself, baby.”

“I’m here taking care of you, and that includes drying you.” He shook his head. You chuckled, unsure of his logic but let him do as he pleased anyway. Bin smiled, eyes formed into crescent moons as he dried your hair, gently shaking the towel all over your head. Laughing, you went on your tiptoes, arms locking around his neck as you kissed him. He made a sound of contentment, moving his lips in tune with yours as his hands dropped down to your waist, leaving the towel on the top of your head. 

After a minute or so, you pulled away, a giggle leaving you as you saw Bin’s pout. You pecked his lips again briefly, before grabbing the towel and drying your hair again. Bin made sure to thoroughly dry the floor before the two of you went back to your bedroom. He changed into some shorts that he left at your place, deciding to forego a shirt since he usually chose not to sleep with one anyway. You, on the other hand, slipped on Bin’s shirt and a pair of pajama shorts, climbing immediately in bed after your hair was decently dry. 

He came to join you after getting another glass of water, encouraging you to drink it all before he cuddled you, knowing that the two of you were going to end up napping again. You finished the glass with ease, placing it on your bedside table, and turning to your boyfriend. He smiled, wrapping his arms around you again as the two of you laid down, finding yourselves in the same position as when he first came over earlier. “How are you feeling now, baby?”

“Honestly? Better.” You said, lips brushing against his clavicle. The medicine kicked in by now, but you were sure that Bin also had a lot to do with your slow recovery. “You’re all the medicine I need, baby.”

He let out a high-pitched cackle, squeezing your body a little tighter as he kissed your forehead. “If I get sick, will you be my medicine?”

“Of course,” You grinned, the tips of your fingers lazily drawing figures on his abdomen. “I love you Binnie, thank you for taking care of me.”

“I’ll always take care of you, y/n.” He said softly, taking in your scent as he closed his eyes. “I love you too.”

You drifted off to sleep listening to his breathing, a deep slumber overtaking you. By the next morning, you woke up feeling loads better, your temperature now at a normal level and your headache mostly gone. You turned your head to see Bin still sleeping, a smile on your face as you craned your neck to kiss his cheek. You sighed, relaxing yourself in his hold before closing your eyes again, sleeping for a little longer wouldn’t hurt. Especially if Bin was by your side.

__________________________________________

2-2-21

#I LOVE BIN #i could have easily made an innuendo in this but my mind was like no! this is supposed to be fluff! #binnie moonbob #bin #moonbin #moon bin #moonbin scenarios #moonbin au #moonbin fluff #moon bin scenarios #moon bin fluff #moon bin au #bin au #bin scenarios #bin fluff #astro #astro moonbin #astro scenarios #astro fluff #astro au

[janekfan]

Chronic

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27802141

Thank you @taylortut for helping me!!!

Jon looked at the clock.

537.

The glowing numbers burned themselves into his retinas. How had it been less than an hour since last he’d checked? No use for it. Better to get himself up and ready for work. But he’d closed his eyes against the headache blaring like a klaxon and he’d have to open them again at some point.

Taking advantage of his lonely flat, Jon allowed himself to indulge the noise pushing its way through grit teeth as he maneuvered his sore legs from under the quilt. He sat a moment, pressing the bare soles of his feet on the cold floor and levering his heavy body upright with a shaking arm.

Exhausted.

And it’s only--a quick glance.

544.

The hell was wrong with him?

Since just before accepting the position as Head Archivist, and rightly pissing off both Sasha and Tim on her behalf, Jon felt like he’d been constantly coming down with something. Dizzy and nauseous and unable to eat, he was chronically exhausted and while he’d never slept well at the best of times, it was evading him more than ever.

And there were his mornings. Struggling to motivate himself out of bed, brushing his teeth with his eyes closed and leaning against the wall. Deciding he could forgo a shower just once more and choosing instead to make breakfast. Forcing himself to eat a piece of dry toast with his heart hammering away in his throat and half laying on the table, panting through his tea. Mentally, Jon prepared himself for the walk to the train, automatically going for his cane because lord knew he needed the support.

He’d get to the Institute hours early.

At least that made him look good?

Taking advantage of being a cane user, Jon opted for a reserved seat, the guilt at truly needing one eating away at his insides. But there were black spots at the corners of his vision and he had to sit down before he fell down and the guilt is a far sight better than causing a scene. The trip was too short. His chest ached from the constant pounding and he pressed the hand not holding his cane for dear life against his breastbone. It didn’t help but the pressure and touch grounded him enough to stand up. To head to the cross street. To wait for the lights to change. To stagger down the stairs and into his office, to drop into his desk chair and focus on every breath of air moving into his body and back out of it.

Jon put his head down. There was no one here. Wouldn’t be for a couple hours yet and he was exhausted, shaking from it. Nauseated. There wasn’t a fever. He’d gone as far as to purchase a thermometer to be certain when the strange symptoms refused to abate no matter how often he let himself rest, no matter the meals he tried his damndest to eat, the water he drank down. He was trying. Jon couldn’t remember ever taking such good care of himself and of course it refused to pay off. In Uni, he’d driven himself into the ground with little consequence. He’d maintained those habits until a few months ago and now--

Muffled voices drifted through his door, the rise and fall of easy conversation. The kind he’d once been allowed to partake in. Laughter filled the air and while Jon wished to join them he knew he wasn’t welcome.

Why had he done it?

Why hadn’t he refused Elias?

Because you’re selfish. You’ve always been selfish. Needy. Greedy, grasping, always striving to know answers and never satisfied with what you're given. You take what you don’t deserve.

Reluctantly, Jon stood, slowly, because doing anything quickly these days has him ducking his head between his legs or waking up on the floor without any recollection of how he came to be there. He could at least collect their research in person, greet them. Try to be the boss they deserved.

Sasha was the boss they deserved.

“Ah, g’good morning.”

“Jon!” Martin, smiling shyly. “You’re here so early!” He began to stammer and Jon’s legs began to ache. This wasn’t a good day. They seldom were anymore. “I m’mean, of course y’you are, you work very hard!” Martin was saved by Tim swinging an arm around his shoulders.

“You’ve broken ‘im, boss.” A flush rose in Jon’s cheeks. He could feel it. “No worries, Marto. He’s always been an early riser.” While it was said in jest, the tone settled heavy in Jon’s chest, directly beside the pain blossoming like a thorny rose. Luckily, he was rescued by Rosie, standing halfway down the stairs and informing him that Elias requested him in his office. Jon didn’t relish the climb, no matter how grateful he was to escape out from underneath Sash’s heavy gaze. She had every right and he would bear his punishment in silence until she chose, if she ever did, to forgive him.

An indeterminate amount of time later, Jon limped out of Elias’ office without any recollection of what they’d spoken about or if he’d even spoken at all. Thumping pain and panic and he knew he was rude to ignore Rosie at her desk but he wasn’t in any shape to hold a conversation, fairly certain that he wasn’t able to currently speak, far too focused on trying to hide how ill he was. But every sound was magnified tenfold in his ears and he could barely remember where the door to the archives was with the way his head reeled and spun. Jon wanted to sink to the ground once he had the door between himself and the lobby but he’d never make it to his feet again after that. Push through, he told himself. Get to your desk. He allowed himself a moment, two, just to put his head to rights, to try and breathe through the battering of his pulse.

And oh god he wasn’t going to make it and he wondered if somehow Elias knew. It was as though he’d kept him standing there talking about nothing until Jon hit his limit, knowing he wouldn’t have the strength to get back to his office.

But he had to try and he’d almost gotten down the ridiculously narrow stairwell before he forgot nearly entirely why he was there in the first place. Was he going up? Down? Meeting with someone? Just arriving? He could barely breathe and the panic welling in his throat was choking and the black was crawling over his eyes and the dizziness only increased and he needed...needed…

For a moment, Jon didn’t recognize where he was, the migraine, the fuzziness, conspiring against memory and reason. But he knew this color, the hideous lick of paint some contractor had splashed over the walls a lifetime ago.

Breakroom?

Wha--

“Jon!” He winced, his own name like broken glass shredding every sense to ribbons. “Christ, are you alright?” Martin, the sounds he made were shrill, grating, and if he’d been able to tell him to be silent, he would have. “We heard the noise--you’d, you fainted! On the stairs! Luckily it was only the last few.” Jon blinked, dull and dumb, forcing himself up, up, up, and through heavy mist and fog in his search for words. Weary to the marrow of his aching bones, Jon slumped on the cushions and tried to think of a way to stop Martin’s incessant chattering. Tim and Sasha, alerted most likely by all the commotion, stood over him and he craned his neck up to look at them. Tim especially looked furious.

“You could have been seriously hurt!”

“S’sorry…” And he was, between his rabbiting heartbeat, throbbing migraine, and difficulty drawing breath into his exhausted lungs, he wanted to cry with how sorry he was.

“This is ridiculous. You need to take better care of yourself.” Jon wasn’t sure why the sting from Tim’s accusation cut so deep and he hung his head, biting trembling lips to prevent the tears threatening to spring free.

It wasn’t fair.

By all accounts he was taking care of himself. More than ever!

“Did you even eat today? Drink anything?” He nodded, miserable, unwell, and equipped with no better answers than the truth.

“Tim. He’s just come to.” The understanding was the final straw, and Jon’s sight blurred with salt damp. “I’ll make sure he eats something before going back to work.”

“Alright, Martin. If he gives you any trouble, call.” At Jon, he pointed. “And you, no trouble.” And he nodded miserably.

“Okay, they’ve gone.” The familiar sounds of the kettle heating filled the room, the clink of a pair of ceramic mugs, the rustling of the tea bags, Martin’s distracted murmuring, all combined to calm him. “How long have you been feeling this way?” Jon looked up, surprised, and shrugged one shoulder, accepting the small plate of biscuits and nibbling slowly and when he finished those, Martin offered up the tea. Sitting with him in companionable quiet, he sipped on his own cup. Nothing more was exchanged and when Jon finished he thanked Martin for the company and locked himself away.

Jon was at wit’s end. Nothing he tried seemed to improve anything and the few times he did speak with a doctor, he was sent away with the same, useless advice, or worse, told he was imagining things, making it up, having panic attacks even though he was familiar with those and this was not that.

Work was a nightmare made even more miserable with the overwhelming amount of paperwork, statements, boxes, misfiled folders and envelopes and items and Jon missed the easy camaraderie and understanding he’d had with Sasha and Tim. Maybe he should resign, try and salvage what little of the relationship they still had, or, or invite them out for dinner, his treat, but Elias would never let him quit and the very idea of entertaining exhausted him. A cuppa appeared at his elbow filled with something new, something floral and slightly sweet, accompanied, as always, by a few biscuits.

“That’s a lot of work, Jon.” He sipped, grateful, lifting an eyebrow in response.

“I knew it would be when I accepted this position.” Undeterred, Martin stumbled forward.

“Y’yeah, I mean, you would have. Of course. I just--” A breath. “I’ve finished with my other assignments, ready for round, uh. Well, another round!”

“Ah. Alright, I’ll bring something over when I pick up your translations.” Martin took back the cup, nodding enthusiastically, and Jon appreciated that it was business as usual, selecting a few he’d been putting off and making his way toward his assistants ignoring inquiring looks in favor of taking the chair Martin offered up to go over his expectations. Short, succinct. A few notes on one translation, advice to remember for next time, and Jon felt reasonably confident Martin could handle himself. It wasn’t until he’d gotten back to his office that Jon realized that was the first time he’d been offered a chair. It was becoming apparent that Martin was good at noticing the little things about them. A blush heated his cheeks and he tried to rub it away, feeling ridiculous that such a small act of kindness made him feel so seen.

Jon pushed forward, ignoring the warnings his body was trying to give him in favor of plowing through his work like he’d always done, and by the time he made it home, was on the verge of collapse. Hot tears of frustration stung at the corners of his eyes, spilling over when Jon allowed himself to feel it. More than anything, he was used to having control over himself, working when he wanted, burying himself in the research, devouring knowledge. Now he was at the whim of his physical form. Paying more attention to it than ever before and never knowing if he was going to wake up and have a good day or a bad day and it was maddening. Managing whatever it was without knowing what it was, was impossible with no rhyme or reason he could discern.

So in the absence of both, Jon kept shoving his way through how difficult it was because if he could just be normal through pretending everything was normal, then it would be.

Jon knew Tim was cross with him and managed to avoid him for most of the day, taking breaks here and there like he’d promised Martin he would do. But his luck, while it had been holding steady, had just run out and he found himself cornered in the breakroom.

“What do you think you’re on about?” Frustration had long since turned to outrage, boiling over.

“Tim, I. I’m not sure what you mean--”

“Damn it, Jon! You’ve already taken on a job you aren’t fit for! You can’t keep heaping your work onto Martin and then swanning off!”

“That’s.” He balled his hands into fists, nails biting crescent moons into his palms. How could he explain when even the doctors thought he was making it all up? Heat rushed through him, top to toe, flushing his face and he wavered, legs threatening to buckle, vision threatening to go dark. He was going to pass out a second time today if he didn’t sit down. But that would mean walking away from Tim, and he didn’t think the man would let him. At least not until he was done telling him off. Better to be silent. Try not to pay attention to how erratic the persistent beating caged behind fragile ribs had become.

“Why didn’t you say no?” Because he wanted to be useful. Because Elias made him feel like he was capable even if he wasn’t. “Why didn’t you just let Sasha have this?” Because he was an awful, selfish person. “God, Jon. Why did you drag us all down here with you?”

Because he was lonely.

Because they’d been friends. Once.

Rather than remind Tim that he was free to go at any time, that he and Sash hadn’t been forced or coerced into accepting positions here in the archives, Jon pressed his lips into a thin line.

“Well?!” Sharp, strident, Tim’s shout echoed around in the space between his own hurting, agonal breaths in his ears.

“I. I, I need to si’down…” wanted to lay down. Wanted to sleep, trembling with exhaustion, about to go down.

“What?” Lashes fluttering as he gripped the thread of consciousness with both hands, he barely registered Tim’s hands around his shoulders, guiding him into a chair and pushing his head down between his knees. “Jon?”

“M’okay…”

“You are clearly not.” A wide palm settled on his back, keeping him folded over. It was helping.

“S’mm...been. S’fine.” The floor came back into focus, all the little cracks and imperfections and Jon counted the streaks in the pattern in an attempt to ground himself but kept losing track of the number. Neither moved until Jon attempted to sit up, slowly, accepting Tim’s help.

“Jon?” He looked spooked, pale. “Please, what’s going on?” His hand settled in the crux of shoulder and neck, thumb ghosting along his clammy skin, and Jon allowed himself to find a morsel of comfort in the familiar gesture, the threat of tears closer than ever. So he reached for him.

“I don’t know.” And Tim pulled away as if burned, the frustration and anger rising in his face again, and Jon was bereft. “T’truly! I--”

“Why won’t you be honest with me? Don’t you trust me?” Standing, he took a step backwards, away from him, the hurt in him a palpable thing. “We’re supposed to be friends!”

Yes. They were friends. It was most likely why for the first time in a long while, the pain in his chest wasn’t a physical ache.

“Tim, I.” Fingers folded to fists to rest on his knees. But he was already gone.

“Jon!” Tentative, Martin lifted his chin. “Oh, oh.” Having been crying, Jon figured his eyes were red-rimmed and puffy and he didn’t bother attempting to hide the evidence. “Alright.” Martin went about making tea, chamomile, herbal and calming, placing it before him on the table with a chocolate digestive. “Drink this down and then go home. It’s half six.”

“Mm.”

“Sleep will help.”

“Mm.”

“I could speak to them for you. If--”

“No!” All but shouted. “No. That won’t be necessary, Martin.” Carefully he stood, paused. “Thank you.” And left.

Jon called off.

Called off again.

Again.

Apologized to Elias in a curt email requesting leave and was granted it.

He ignored his phone. His texts. The knock at the door and Martin’s voice behind it. He slept when he was tired and he was tired often and it was easier besides, to finally listen to the screaming of his body. It was after hours on his fifth day gone when Tim let himself in with the spare key to Jon’s flat.

“Hey.” Sheepish, he held up his hands in surrender, a bag of takeaway from Jon’s favorite place dangling from one. “Martin said you wouldn’t let him in.” Dressed in the most comfortable clothes he had, which were also the shabbiest, Jon glared at him from where he laid on the couch. “I was an arse.” Slowly, he sat up, making Tim wait on purpose, a powerful frown still aimed in his direction.

“You were.” He was aware he looked a mess, greasy hair pulled back in a sloppy bun, but he felt a sight better for the rest he’d gotten.

“Would you accept an apology?” Folding his arms, Jon leaned back into the cushions and fixed his stare at whatever rubbish was on the telly.

“Might do.” Silently, Tim scurried into the tiny kitchen and Jon listened to the familiar sounds of him rooting around for cutlery. It smelled delicious and comforting, a reminder of nights spent together laughing at nothing on this same couch and despite himself, Jon began to relax.

“I’m sorry.”

“Alright.” Tim’s face split in a wide, relieved grin, and he flopped down next to him, planting a loud kiss to his temple before urging him to eat. “Martin sent you here.”

“An angry Marto is not to be trifled with.” Through a mouthful of noodles, Tim chuffed in laughter. “Wouldn’t tell me anything, other than to stop being a prick.”

“He did not.”

“He did not. But it was more than implied!” He put his bowl on the low table in front of them, sitting forward with his hands dangling between his knees. “And he was right. I didn’t give you a fair shake and accused you of awful things. And I know you’re doing your best at this job.”

“Gertrude isn’t making it easy.”

“Neither is your health, I take it.” Jon set his own meal aside, curling into the padded arm.

“No. It isn’t.”

“And you don’t know what’s causing it?”

“I know some things that help. M’Martin has been invaluable.”

“Has he, now?”

“Leave off!”

“Okay, okay.” But he continued giggling as Jon felt his face go hot, muttering.

“He really has.” This time Tim pulled him gently into an embrace.

“Then Sash and I will just have to catch up.”

#tma #the magnus archives #jon sims #tim stoker #martin blackwood #sasha james #cane user jon sims #archivist with a cane #chronic illness #undiagnosed #pots #fainting #exhaustion #anxiety #hurt/comfort #internalized ableism

[theouijagirl]

Hey Tumblr. It’s been a while.

It’s not you, it’s me. Lately I’ve had to shelve quite a few things in my life, and Tumblr wound up being one of them. I’m really sorry if any of you became extremely worried or distressed at my sudden absence. I didn’t intend to be gone for so long.  

I should start off by saying: I’m fine. The cat is fine, my house is fine, etc. Everything is okay; nothing is wrong. There’s nothing to worry about.

Honestly the only thing that has gone wrong lately has been the fact that a new virus evolved that is extremely deadly, and my government has decided that it would rather wish it would go away than try to do anything to stop it or prevent people from dying. My job was an indoor facility that mainly involves active play for families and manly profits from birthday parties, so obviously my building closed with no knowledge of when it would open. And toward the end of August, I got an email from my CEO saying that she decided she would not be reopening my building. 

At first I felt okay, because the worry and the wondering was over, and now it was a sense of excitement of a new chapter of my life starting, and wondering what new people I would meet at my new job. And truly, I have met some incredibly wonderful people at the places I work (two part-time jobs, so I can still be full time) and I feel more like I’m really becoming the professional person I want to be at my jobs. On the other hand, the sense of grief at losing my job that I’ve had for five years has really hit me hard during October. My coworkers really were some of my dearest friends, most of whom I haven’t seen since March. Some of them have had babies, and I don’t know when I can see them. We had Halloween traditions which involved Costco pizza and lots of candy, and it physically hurts to know it won’t happen this year and that last year was the last time and we didn’t even know it. It aches to know I’ll never again walk into my old office. It hurts to throw out my old employee shirts. It truly has felt like a death to me and I really have needed to take some time to process it.

But really, Good News Number 1 is that I am working full time again, which doesn’t allow me as much time on this blog. I was at my desk at my old job, in which I could totally go on Tumblr whenever I wanted, and there’s no way I can do that at my jobs now. Also, Good News Number 2 is that I have new health insurance and I have the best team of doctors I’ve ever had in my life, and they’ve put me on some incredible medications to manage my depression and migraines. For the first time in my life, I’m not depressed every day. We are still working on the migraines, but I don’t have a headache all day every day. However, I still have the fatigue from having chronic pain, and I’m dealing with some pretty severe side effects, so when I come home from my jobs I go to bed.

Good News Number 3 is that my ASMR YouTube channel has given me more joy than I have ever expected. I actually really delight in making a schedule, filming, editing, and posting, and of course checking and replying to comments. It feels incredibly rewarding. I’ve been meditating on why it feels so different from any other hobby I’ve had, and I’ve come to realize that all my other hobbies are basically “Put money into the thing to make yourself feel good.” So I’ve tried distancing myself from any of my hobbies that encourage spending, such as video games and Kpop. I haven’t watched anything on a paid streaming service. I’ve been limiting my time on Pokemon GO, only because their Halloween event right now is actually good, compared to other years, but I’m not doing any activity that is made easier by purchasing items. And everything just feels more freeing, like there’s suddenly a weight off my shoulders that I didn’t even know was there. I allow little things here and there, like I’ll listen to a new Kpop release when it comes out, but not stream it, and the new Sims pack looks amazing so I’ll have to play for a bit once it comes out (and the only game I’ve allowed myself is Among Us, but really only because of the social aspect). But just having my hobby be something I create that people around the world can relax and enjoy and learn from, since it’s an educational channel, feels so incredibly rewarding. It feels better than working on my Animal Crossing town, or learning a Kpop dance. It’s my favorite thing out of all the Good News.

And now there’s this Tumblr. I always do a big blog post project in October. I started it early in October. I kind of hated it. But I didn’t have any other big ideas for what to do. And I mostly felt uninspired for two reasons. 1) Even though I made a post asking people not to do this, a majority of my asks was still people asking my opinions on Shannen Doherty and Keke Palmer. For the record, I literally have no opinions on these women, so please stop asking. 2) Even though we really don’t want to admit it, Tumblr is dying. It’s nothing like it was before, and it’s easily not even in the top 5 social media sites these days. Like, what’s the point of doing a big series on a social media site that nobody uses? And this isn’t toward my solid fan base, but my solid fan base is like a couple hundred people. I used to get the “wow, I just found your blog!” Anon once a week, now I’m lucky if I get one every few months. Our community just isn’t using Tumblr like we used to. Now, it seems like TikTok is the way to go. And I just don’t want to use TikTok. I’m a writer. I just figured out how to use YouTube, and even then, I don’t like the TikTok format style of video. Like, it’s great, but it’s not the format that I feel creative with. So I just feel stuck. And it makes me not want to write on this blog, honestly.

Of course I’ll still answer questions, I always will. I don’t think I’ll ever quit this blog. And of course, if you send me an ask or message that is life or death, I’ll respond the second I see it. But I really don’t know what the future of this blog is going to be anymore.

As for the spooks, that’s never going away either. If you don’t feel that energy outside at night right now then are you even human. It’s tangible. Not to mention, when I was filming an ASMR video about spooky places and was talking about Salem, and mentioned the name of the first young girl to be hanged, I felt a cold hand run down my right hand and arm, and my room was very warm considering I close all the windows while filming and have a warm cat in my lap. 

Regardless, it’s gonna be a good Halloween.

[coastaldragon]

Dragon Diary 1/7/21

So...this is my resolution for the year.

I wanted to start a kin-related diary. I found myself missing how often I used to muse about myself and my experiences here, and have long since felt...detached from myself. Stuck in the loop of going through the motions of “human.”

A week late on my first entry, but so it goes.

These entries will just be flow-of-consciousness blabbles for the most part. I’ll talk about any kin-related thoughts I’ve had that day, how I’ve been feeling, how my otherkinity has affected my day, etc.

I have a lot of catching-up to do with you all, so the first few entries may seem disjointed and a little long. Lets get started. This is long. And a bit negative. But hopefully they won’t all be.

cw for death and drug mention and health talk like needles and stuff

I don’t quite remember why I dropped Tumblr like I did. I think I was getting annoyed at all the UI changes, and just overall very busy with “real life.” These things happen. I slowly drift away from a platform. Sometimes for weeks, months, or years in this case. Then I’ll drift back. Kind of like a scrap of wood on the waves.

In the time I’ve been gone life has been...interesting. The source of the stress that caused me to awaken in the first place is gone. He OD’d in...2014? 2015? Some time around there. My grasp of time is worse than ever.

We hadn’t even known he’d be using anything. Turned out he was stealing my late father’s remaining fentanyl supply. One of those guys who preys on widows like my mother. He lied about everything. His entire past as we knew it was a lie. And he was just leeching off of us.

It was...hard. I was the one who found his body upon getting home from work. My mother is still traumatized, even now. Even after all he did. She did love him.

I think all that hardened me quite a bit. And I’m sad for it. I’m still trying to soften myself again, but my trust has never been shattered like that before or since.

My now health is...poor. I had a great job working at an independent pack-and-mail sort of place for a few years. Very laid back, when the customers were nice. Helped me build a lot of strength and muscle. Quite enjoyed showing off by hefting 50lb boxes onto my shoulders. Helped me feel less weak in this squishy human body of mine.

But about...2 or 3 years ago [again, time is a myth to my brain] I woke up and my shoulders were just.

Locked.

It felt like someone had stuck paint spanners under my shoulder blades or something. Not only that, but I was weak. I barely had the strength in my arms to lift a half gallon of milk in the morning.

We thought I’d just hurt myself showing off, somehow. So we gave it some time. Took ibuprofen, used pain creams. Took a few days off work.

But it didn’t get better. It got painful. And the moreso. And moreso. And then my back began to have trouble as well. It was spreading. I felt...ill.

So. Doctors. Tests. More bloodwork than I’ve ever had in my entire life. [10 vials at once for one appt!]

My primary, who is a garbage person I never wish to see again, insisted it was just a sprain. Or something. Whatever. But I knew it wasn’t. My mother knew it wasn’t. Everyone I knew knew it wasn’t.

Specialist time! At the behest of my cousin, who has a litany of autoimmune disorders, we hooked up with a rheumatologist. Who I will call Dr.M. 

Dr.M is an angel on Earth. I am convinced of it. A full year he spent with me, ordering tests, trying treatments, working with me to figure out what the hell was going on. And we did. And what a mouthful it is.

Ankylosing spondylitis. No, it’s not a dinosaur. [Though I do think I’m ‘hearted for ankylosaurines...I don’t think it’s related lol!]

You can look it up if you like. But basically: My immune system is fucking crazy and attacks all the things. Most places describe it as being a lower spine disorder, and while that is certainly where its centralized in most folks, that’s not all it is.

For example mine is, obviously, centralized in my shoulders and upper back. But it does aaaaaaaaaaall sorts of crazy shit. Every day is different. Joint pain, exhaustion, GI trouble, stomach upset, lack of appetite, murderous migraines. The usual for an autoimmune illness. But also wacky shit like costochondritis [painful inflammation of the cartilage of the ribs], random organ inflammation like in my kidneys [not fun], lungs [I had a 3-month stint of chronic bronchitis last winter], and even my heart [very not fun.] Sometimes it likes to attack my “integumentary system” aka shit like my skin and hair meaning I’ll have weeks where my hair just. Sheds. Like a damn cat. It gets everywhere and w/ my long-ass quarantine hair it’s so annoying.

This attack dog immune system does mean it’s unlikely for me to catch little bugs like your common colds and stuff, which is appreciated. But it also likes to maul anything else it deems foreign. Like medication! I took Humira shots for a few months and had a “paradoxical reaction” aka it did the literal opposite of what it was meant to, because the injections pissed off my immune system so much it went scorched-earth on whatever it could. Mostly my thighs, since that’s where the injections were. I still get stabbing pain in them and it’s been over a year. [No, I don’t think I can sue Humira over this. Though I have discussed it w/ my Dr.]

This also means that if I do get sick, it’s bad news. Something strong and unique like COVID? Death. Deaaaaaaaaath. Would likely trigger something called a “cytokine storm” aka my immune system nukes everything and my organs die and so do I.

So guess whoooooooo’s been locked up at home for almost a full year now? :’)

I luckily am able to work from home, though it barely pays the bills, and my health has suffered from a lack of being able to Do Stuff I normally would.

As a result I decided to get back in touch with myself.

It started with Second Life, because of course it did. A new dragon avatar came out. Shiny and mesh and easy [by SL standards] to modify. So me and a few friends [some kin, some not] made a group for sharing stuff for the av and just hanging out. It’s fallen by the wayside unfortunately but those nights spent chilling in SL with a bunch of other dragons roaring and goofing off felt really really good.

And then I made a kin Twitter. [And found some exceptionally cool kinfolk in the process.] 

Then came Othercon the virtual otherkin convention and OtherConnect, the Discord spawned from the community that rapidly formed within the con. Othercon felt incredible. Panels and lectures about the history of otherkinity and alterhumanity and how we are today and rep in the media and just so! Much! Cool! Stuff! And tons of great kinfolk too! 

To not only be within a community but seeing others like me and speaking with them, not just typing back at words on a screen. It was...so very, very reaffirming. It felt like a second awakening almost. I wanted to cry for finally, truly not feeling alone.

And now I’m here. Because I need to be. Because something, deep down, is telling me I’m going to be needing myself sometime soon. So I’d better get started.

I hope I don’t drift away on the tide again. I’ve missed this site, worse for wear as it is.

But I’m a bit tired today. A nasty headache lingering from yesterday’s nastier flare up. Accursed cold fronts. I used to enjoy them but not so much these days. Ah well.

I know there wasn’t much kin talk in this first entry, but as I said, we had a lot of catching-up to do!

#Diary 2021 #dragonkin #otherkin #I'll tag these for now but if folks would rather I didn't I'll keep them to myself. :>

[ducktales-wco-oo]

✩ Injuries/Side-Effects ✩

(Fenton has sustained at least two concussions in the show- that can be deduced by him being knocked out. Twice in ‘Who Is Gizmoduck’— falling from the sky and the explosion at the end: but that could have just been a result of exhaustion, unlike the impact of hitting the ground from such a great height —and once in ‘Astro B.O.Y.D’ after his head was squeezed in the helmet. This doesn’t even take into account concussions he could have sustained from the many, MANY blows and injuries he takes to the head. Based on what we’ve actually seen and the line of how often he is superhero-ing— ‘You’re the third weather-based villain I’ve faced this month’ Just WEATHER-BASED —these instances happen often.)

(Some examples are when he was punched twice by a superstrong MegaBeaks, was kicked in the face by Boyd, as well as hardcore headbutted during their battle. Not to mention, the focus people seem to give his helmet; like when his visor was broken by MegaBeaks and pressure was put on his temples by Boyd, hard enough to crack the metal deeper against his head. Of course, his head isn’t the ONLY part of him that gets injured in the line of duty.)

(He has been roughly thrown to the ground, hurled through buildings, and just- beaten and battered tremendously while in the suit. Thankfully, the armor takes the brunt of the damage, but it still can’t take it all. Fenton specifically mentions he has ‘very bruisable skin’ during ‘Astro B.O.Y.D’. While being hurled around by enemies or haphazardly moving around in the suit, it stands to reason he might get a bit banged up. From the abrupt movements and violent hits he sustains— even when the ‘armor’ is receiving the blow, we can still hear Fenton call out in pain —he sometimes hits against the interior of the armor. In Astro, it was shown that the suit is very much ‘put on’ and loose enough for him to wriggle free from.) 

(This isn’t even touching upon the electrical shocks he’s received while connected to the suit. Shocks that have been shown to be incredibly painful and cause him to lose control over the armor because of the distraction and stress on his mind/body.)

Tally Of Some Injuries I Noticed (there is room for some error):

Passed Out: 3 

Hit In The Face/head (HARD): 4  

Head Injury: 2

Explosion/Focused-Blast: 2

Electrical Shock (MINOR): 1

Electrical Shock (MAJOR): 2 

Smashed Into Ground: 4

Smashed Through Building: 2

Broken Bones: 1 (arms, legs, full-body cast) 

(Frequent concussions/head-injuries and electric shocks are bound to have Side Effects) 

FREQUENT CONCUSSIONS: 

Long-term effects of a concussion are rare. The vast majority of people see symptoms resolve within a few weeks. Only about 20% of people might suffer from post-concussion syndrome, where they continue to experience symptoms after six weeks. However, the more concussions you get, the more likely you are to suffer long term consequences, especially if you don’t give your brain enough time to heal between injuries.

Memory problems- His memory is normally remarkably sharp and for the most part, he can still remember the really important things. Regarding his responsibilities, projects, or those he cares about. But smaller ones easily slip his mind, such as packing himself lunch, little errands he meant to complete, names of the characters in Patos de la Pasión, etc... Things that used to not be an issue become more noticeably difficult for him to keep retained in his mind.

To help with this, he often writes things down on sticky notes and puts alarms/reminders on his phone as well. 

Trouble Concentrating: He was already prone to bouncing from idea to idea, but he was still capable of laser-focusing on a task or project when inspiration REALLY struck. Now, however, he needs to haphazardly juggle different ones at least every few hours or so because his mind becomes befuddled if he remains on a singular one for too long. It becomes difficult for him to properly focus and his work risks becoming sloppy because the littlest things end up distracting him.

Sensitivity To Light: Average lighting doesn’t bother him, and he can even handle bright sunlight, mostly. It’s a sudden change in lighting that gives him trouble. Quickly going from dark to light or just having an intense light abruptly appear gives him a headache- something he is more prone to now for other reasons. They usually just last a few minutes while his senses adjust and aren’t too hard for him to fight through, but there are times when it can ignite a massive migraine. His eyes also start to water a bit, momentarily blinding him as if he was looking at the sun. 

To help prevent headaches and blindness when chasing after criminals, he suggests that his visor be equipped with protective measures for his eyes and automatically adjust any lighting to a comfortable constant, so he doesn’t have to deal with any surprise changes no matter where he is.

A Lack Of Coordination/Loss Of Balance: This is harder to notice since he was already rather clumsy and accident-prone to begin with. It just becomes more apparent and burdensome, with mistakes nearly or actually happening even more frequently than usual. Even Fenton’s top-notch dancing becomes riddled with a few errors here and there, but he recovers from them quickly and well-enough. 

ELECTRICAL SHOCKS: 

His memory, concentration, and coordination are further exacerbated. 

Chronic Headaches: Occurring at least fifteen days per month— not counting the ones spurred on by Light Sensitivity —they range from dull pain that lasts a brief burst of time to actual migraines that last several minutes. Symptoms of migraines may include- nausea, vomiting, and sensitivity to light and sound. 

For this and several other reasons, antidepressants combat/prevent the pain, as well as alleviate other symptoms he was already contending with— and felt like he was ‘managing’ well enough —but were HEIGHTENED to more difficult levels thanks to his head injuries. Taking two tablets per day indefinitely, right before bed because they make him sleepy, as a way of helping with his increased anxiety and making it easier to rest. Which is helpful, because he was already plagued by nightmares and had difficulty falling asleep.

Muscle Twitches/Spasms: If he works for hours upon hours without allowing himself at least a small amount of time to stretch and loosen up his body, then he risks brief muscle spasms disrupting him instead. Mainly in his hands since they do the brunt of his work. He also is prone to spasms in his CHEST— since that is where the full force of the shock was administered —if he becomes overly-angry or frightened. But usually, this doesn’t happen unless he is nearing overwhelming levels.

When a chest spam occurs, he can experience: tightness in it, shortness of breath, pain in his chest, and/or intense nausea. Feeling as if he’s going to throw up, even though he never does. The full force of the symptoms usually depends on the intesnity of his emotions. Although, he’s noticed fear tends to bring more issues with breathing and nausea, while anger entices tightness and pain. 

Lichtenberg Scarring: Located on his chest.

#(Ngl... when researching and gathering a list of different symptoms; treatments; causes; etc...) #(I discovered that a surprising amount of them... Fenton kinda Already Had to an extent or was already dealing with for other unrelated- #-reasons. Soooooo... if anything; these injuries just- ELEVATED some of the things- #-he was experiencing. Hence him needing some extra help combating it and learning how to cope/handle it better) #(So I kinda just put down the New or 'new-ish' symptoms that'd arise) #ducktales-wco-oo #⭒ ˙ ˖ ✧ — ˗ˏˋ ❝ ᴡʜᴏ'ꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴍɪɴᴅ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ; ᴛʜᴇ ꜱʜᴀᴅᴏᴡʏ ᴅɪꜱɢᴜɪꜱᴇ? ❞ ¦ 「 OOC 」 #⭒ ˙ ˖ ✧ — ˗ˏˋ ❝ ᴋᴇᴇᴘꜱ ᴍᴏᴠɪɴɢ ꜰᴏʀᴡᴀʀᴅ ❞ ¦ 「 Fenton 」 #⭒ ˙ ˖ ✧ — ˗ˏˋ ❝ ʀᴇᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ʜɪꜱᴛᴏʀʏ ❞ ¦ 「 Headcanon 」 #(Also... I went and skimmed through All of Fenton's scenes and took Notes on the different times he was injured :'DDDDDDD ) #(Ngl it was great seeing the progression between him First using the suit and the Astro BOYD battle :3 )

[nike-shawn]

Camp Counselor AU (2.5k)

A/N: I am taking requests for the prompts from this list; request away!

This is a long one that ends in a weird way, so let me know if you want a part two! 

“Okay everyone, can I have your attention please.”

           You (somewhat unsuccessfully) cut off the conversations at your dinner table and point to Halley, who has her lips pursed with impatience as she waits for the campers to get quiet.

           Halley continues. “As you all have heard, the messy games have been postponed due to the thunderstorms.” As if accenting her point, there is a loud rumble that seems to shake the mess hall. “I know that this is an inconvenience as I am sure you all were looking forward to them, but your counselors and I will be gathering tonight to come up with something to replace messy games with, seeing as these storms are set to continue for the next few days. Any suggestions you have are welcome. Thank you.” Halley steps down from the stage and chatter resumes.

           The rain pounding on the windows makes the mess hall deafening, and despite your best efforts, your eyes search for Shawn. He mentioned something to Johnathan about one of his migraines earlier, and although you have told Johnathan over and over again that you and Shawn are over and you don’t need periodical updates on his life, Johnathan relayed that information to you while the kids were picking up litter on the beach this morning. “He had to stay in bed,” Johnathan said to you in a low voice, both of you facing forward, eyes trained on the seven to ten-year-olds poking condom wrappers with litter-retrievers. “I think he’s getting more and more frustrated with them. I bet he gets at least one every week now.”

           Your stomach turned when you pictured him in a bunk much too small for his six-foot-whatever frame, tossing and turning with discomfort. The migraines are not new. In fact, they’re becoming a part of Shawn’s life after almost a year of the chronic headaches. They started last July: the first one took him away from work for three days, and the pain was accompanied with nausea and vertigo. Since then they’ve calmed down in intensity but picked up in frequency. Last year he only got one more after the first one. Only a month into Camp Palawopec’s summer term, he has already had four.

           In the mess hall, you finally spot the bright red hat that usually defines Shawn during the summer months. He looks… fine? You’re not sure exactly what to think since he could probably have his arm cut off and still be smiling. However, the hunch in his shoulders hints at exhaustion.

           Marlee, one of your youngest campers, taps your shoulder. “What’re you staring at?” she asks, trying to follow your line of vision.

           You blink a few times to clear your mind. “Nothing,” you tell her, smiling softly, “just thinkin’. Let’s go back to the cabin, girls.”

           Your tiny troop is, as always, one of the last groups to leave due to their chattiness and inability to fully clear the table. Shawn’s campers are also, as always, one of the last to leave, though they are a bit quicker and you watch as Shawn glances briefly over as they pass by, only to divert his eyes and hurry through the door after his boys.

           Later that night, after all the campers were in bed, you glance at your phone to check the time as you rush across the path to the main cabin. The lights are on inside and you can already see him, laughing with some other counselor you don’t know the name of, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.

           Whatever. It’s not your problem anymore. It’s not your problem if he’s not having the best time. Get over it.

           You enter the room and it’s obvious that you were supposed to be there much earlier. There’s only one remaining seat—of course, right next to Shawn. He notices this; you’re sure he noticed this much too late or else he would’ve made sure to switch seats with someone.

           “Nice of you to join us,” Halley jokes, a low rumble of laughter weaving through the rest of the counselors. “Go ahead and have a seat and we’ll get started.”

           You sit in that empty seat, your stomach tying in knots with nervousness. This is ridiculous. It’s just Shawn. You know him. You don’t have to talk to him.

           It’s just Shawn.

           Halley starts talking about a talent show to take place tomorrow night, and you try to pay attention, nodding along, humming agreements every once in a while. Shawn shifts a bit towards you. “Hey,” he whispers.

           You feel tightness in your chest as you say the greeting back.

           “Do you wanna do a group dance or something? I’m thinking Party Rock Anthem.”

           Your face squints in confusion. “What?”

           “The talent show,” he says. “Are you listening? Our cabins are paired up together.”

           Shit.

****

           Your first meeting about the talent show is a mess.

           The boys and girls tease each other relentlessly, playing tag and duck-duck-goose and everything besides listening to a single word you or Shawn has to say. The weather is pristine, warm with a nice breeze, and you’ve given up on trying to wrangle them into crisscross applesauce. Shawn is playing in the lake with a few of your campers, and you hate that your first thought isDamn, they’re going to track all that lake water into the cabin.

           “Hey!”

           You sit up from your reclined position on the beach. One of the boys hops over your outstretched legs and giggles as he runs away. “What?”

           “Look at what we came up with!” Marlee shouts, holding Shawn’s hand as he helps her through the rocky part of the lake’s bottom and onto the beach. Shawn’s other hand is occupied by another one of your kids, who is wringing out the bottom of her soaked t-shirt.

           “Okay, let me see,” you say. “Is Shawn in this dance too?”

           Shawn seems startled at you saying his name. “Of course,” he tells you. “Who else is going to do the spinney move?”

           “The spinney move?”

           Shawn looks at the girls like, Should we show her? Shawn proceeds to throw one girl in the air, catch her and then do the same thing with the other, before each girl grabs one of Shawn’s hands and lets him spin them around. They’re smiling like idiots, obviously proud of their invention. You purse your lips together to keep from laughing and start to clap. “Wow, you guys! Great job.”

           “Thank you,” Marlee says, bowing. She shoots a look at the other camper, Lily, who follows suit.

           Shawn pats them both on the shoulder, telling them to “go ahead and play. We can work on the rest of the dance later.”

           They run along. Shawn sits beside you, matching your position with his arms behind him and his legs outstretched next to yours. “Did you like our dance?” He’s smiling, cocky, knowing full well that it was adorable and just the thing that makes you smile.

           “Great. Very original.”

           “Thank you, thank you.”

           The sun is beginning to set, reminding you that it’s probably almost time to get the girls to the cabin, winding down for bed. But there’s something about where you guys are now, sitting beside each other, his leg touching yours just a little, that gives you a sense of calm, of nostalgia of better times. Shawn tips his head back and closes his eyes, allowing the breeze off the lake to wash over him.

           You let yourself stare. You haven’t really looked at him for more than a few seconds all summer, and you notice the little things like the slight flush of a sunburn over his nose, or the new freckles that appeared along his forehead. He cut his hair a little—it no longer requires pounds of hair gel to stay out of his face.

           “How are you feeling?” you ask before you can stop yourself.

           He opens one eye, peering at you. “Hmm?”

           “Your migraines. How are you doing?”

           He clears his throat and straightens, focusing on the campers that are frolicking in the shallow parts of the water. “They’re getting a little worse. Nothing I can’t handle but they’re definitely annoying.” He starts to dig his shoe into the sand absentmindedly. “I have a special doctor now for them whose given me prescriptions that have helped a little.” He shrugs. “Feels like I only have a migraine when I’m stressed but nowadays that’s like… once a week.”

           You want to ask what’s stressing him out, what’s causing these headaches, but he’s put a guard up now and you’re afraid of prying. The kids start playfully screaming as they splash water at each other. “I’m sorry,” you settle with.

           “It’s okay. Thanks for asking.”

           You two lapse into silence again. You can tell he wants to say something else.

           “I’m sorry about what happened in the fall,” he says slowly. It sounds like it’s hard for the words to leave his mouth. “I just thought that you wouldn’t want to be held down to someone on the complete opposite side of the country.”

           Your heart seems to be pounding against your ribcage. “Why didn’t you just talk to me about it instead of breaking it off? Without any warning?” You try not to sound as hurt as you are. Were. As hurt as you were.

           “I was…”

           “It’s fine,” you cut him off, scared to get into it further. “It’s fine. It’s over; I’m not mad.”

           He laughs. “Yeah, you don’t sound mad at all.”

           You nudge his foot with yours. “I don’t care about what happened. I’d rather not get into it again.”

           The unspoken words of it hurts too bad to talk about hangs between the two of you.

           “I didn’t mean to upset you,” he says, quieter now. “And I’m sorry I didn’t reach out to you sooner. I was embarrassed, I guess.”

           You nod. “Thanks.”

           He looks at you for the first time since he started the conversation, squinting against the sun. He takes his signature red hat off and settles it on your head, tapping the bill of it for good measure. Your cheeks flush as he says, “looks better on you than me, huh?”

           You start to say something that would take away any meaning behind the action, something like you’re ridiculous or just handing the hat back, but then you get a sense that maybe he needed to extend this peace offering to you, for him. So, you keep it on your head.

           And when you get ready for bed that night, you thumb over its fraying edges before setting it on the table right beside your bunk, a reminder of all you accomplished today.

****

           It’s the day of the dance.

           You and your cabin are all wearing the matching, tie-dyed t-shirts you and Shawn made last night after the two groups had settled in bed. Your heart starts to pound a bit as you think about last night, both of your dye-stained hands roaming across the other’s body, how you woke up early in Shawn’s cabin, paint still in your hair but your paint-covered clothes on the ground. You’d never been more thankful for Shawn’s promotion to head-counselor, since it means he has his own cabin with a bed that’s just slightly bigger than your own as you stretched your arms up, thanking whoever arranged this situation as a smile graced your face.

           You began to get dressed before the sun had even risen and slipped out to finish the shirts you failed to make last night. The morning was quiet and peaceful, and you headed to your cabin to wake up the girls.

           Here you are now, your hair in crazy braids and neon battle paint smeared across your cheekbones, and you start to get nervous. Where are the boys? Your campers find their seats among the rest of the summer camp cabins, and you’re dragged along behind them while trying to keep an eye on the door.

           Then a couple familiar faces begin to file into the mess hall. Little Freddie, then Jake, then Landon. Your nerves ease up.

           Then… Johnathan?            He joins Shawn’s cabin beside yours and the two groups begin to chatter as Johnathan finds his seat beside you. Before you can ask, he confirms what you dreaded hearing. “Shawn went to the med cabin. He was vomiting, couldn’t stand up straight. It’s pretty bad.”

           “I thought he didn’t get them those bad anymore,” you protest, anxiety building in your throat.

           Johnathan shrugs. “I’m sorry, I don’t know. I was just told to take over for his cabin today.”

           “Should I go see him?”

           Johnathan’s eyes go wide. “You can’t do that! I don’t know anything about this dance. We’d look stupid.”

           “It’s a dance to Party Rock Anthem by kids who weren’t even born when the song came out. You’ll be fine. They know the dance.”

           And with that, you’re up and out of the mess hall, speed walking towards med cabin until you can’t quite take it anymore and you break into a light jog, into a sprint. Last time it was this bad he had to go to the hospital. You were there for him then, so you have to be there for him now.

           Nurse Julie is manning the front desk, and she frowns in confusion when she sees you approach. “Are your campers okay? I thought the talent show is going on now.”

           “It is. Can I see Shawn? I heard he’s sick again.”

           She looks at you with sympathy, a slight pout to her lips as she reaches out and grips your shoulder. “Oh, dear. His father picked him up this morning and took him to the ER. He’s not coming back for the rest of the summer.” She sees your spirits crash to the floor. “I’m sorry hon. He’s sick. He needed get tests and to recover.”

           You open your mouth to say something, but whatever words you had died in your mouth. You swallow back tears as you thank Julie and dejectedly walk back to your cabin. You feel pathetic and hopeless as silent tears stream down your face.

           And the last thing you see before you close your eyes is his hat, the bright red hat, smelling of lake water and his shampoo, staring at you from your beside table.

Thanks for reading! 

Here is my masterlist

#Shawn Mendes imagines #Shawn mendes #nike-shawn #angst #fluff #Camp Counselor AU #AU Prompt Request

[kdtodorocakes-blog]

Journal Entry #1

As an only child, I was forced to grow to be independent way earlier than my peers. It’s as if as a teenager, I had already hit the magical age of an adult with adult ideas and emotions, responsibilities and goals. I am very much provided for financially by my parents, and I am eternally grateful. But it still wasn’t the easiest experience; not for me, and not for them. Not for all of us as a family, living under different roofs.

It was a Wednesday and I had missed two of my synchronous classes for the morning, for the reason that I had been up for almost 40 hours. I have been up since Monday morning and have been going through severe headaches from time to time. I have chronic migraine that started last school year and it didn’t help that the quarantine messed up my body clock. I’m either not getting enough sleep, or not sleeping at all. And since then, insomnia co-existed with my migraine. And you can imagine how the online classes are going for me.

Having only my grandmother and none of my parents around, I am very much used to taking care of myself and having only myself to rely on. I have been through a lot. As an independent teenager, there were a lot of things I was forced to prioritize, and some I had to set aside. There were a lot of decision-making I had to do for myself, a lot of lessons I had to learn the hard way, and a lot about life I had to understand on my own. But I do wonder, and always ask, until when? Until when is it going to be this way for me?

Out of all the heavy stuff I mentioned, the only event was that I cried on a Wednesday night. Yes, that’s it for me. The breakdown of a high school girl who missed two of her classes, got a low score on almost all of her activities for the day, submitted her requirements late, and cried on a Wednesday night.

It was maybe the saddest, and most painful kind of cry I’ve had in a while. Cliche, the things that triggered it. But it did still hurt so much. It was the kind where you just out of nowhere, cry. It starts with the exhausted, heavy feeling inside, and then the lump in your throat, and then, comes the tears in your eyes.

It’s very draining, like being pulled in two separate directions at the same time. It’s like being open to failures and misses, but beating yourself up for them at the same time. It’s tiring always having to put up a good front, having to always tough it out, because there is no one to toughen it out for you. The smallest things become hard to do when you’re messy and busy at the same time. Since when did living become self-consuming?

I cried it all out that night. It was a mental storm. The past weeks have been challenging, exhausting, and draining, all at once. And maybe it just hit me that night. That once again, I am the only one around. That it’s us again, me and myself.

I know exactly why it hurt. It’s because for once, I wished it wasn’t that way. That for once, I was at least being held or hearing from someone else’s voice that I would be okay, and that after this, I’d turn out just fine. For once, I needed help. And so, I asked for it.

I was hesitant to call my mom at first, but I’m glad I did. I’m so glad I did. Talking and opening up to her was like hearing Coldplay’s “Fix You” after a long day. It made me realize that I may have also been denying people and forgetting that at the end of the day, I am human. I tend to always think that no one can ever understand me the way I understand myself. But I felt the most beautiful things that night. I felt understood, and I felt loved.

Understanding comes before love. Because sometimes, we only need someone who would listen and get what we say, or even what we fail to say. My mom reminded me of who I am that night. Though the days seem long and slow, I am still young, and constantly learning and growing. I am still her daughter- loved, seen, validated, and heard. And I am human, who can always endure much more than I think I can.

As I finally stopped crying, I realized I’m actually doing a good job. A good job for holding myself together, for deciding to push through every day, and strive to face life no matter how cruel and unexpected it can be. It may feel like we are failing at so many things all at once sometimes, but I hope we all find the strength to be kind to ourselves and our minds when that happens, and to ASK FOR HELP when we need it.

Our feelings may be temporary but they are valid. We’ll be okay.

[bangtan-gal]

Painkillers pt. 1

Yoongi x Reader Soulmate AU Summary: You didn’t know how much his pain impacted your life until it completely disappeared. Word Count: 1.6k (oof its short sorry) Warnings: light swearing, angst, rushed writing Masterlist

    You were late—again. Of course you were. Who knew that dance class would become such a pain in the ass? You sighed as you stumble into the studio, red-faced and already ready with an excuse on your tongue.

“Zuni!” You greeted cheerfully, hugging the small girl tightly. Her teacher gave you an unimpressed look; it’s the fourth time you’ve been late this week. You apologized meekly, your determination leaving you.

    You had a legitimate excuse this time, work had suddenly run late when one of your co-workers messed up a client’s file. But, you had made a promise to pick Zuni up on time and what did you do? You showed up fifteen minutes late.

“Aunt Y/N?” Zuni murmured as you leave. “When is mommy coming back?”

    You paused, glancing down at the young girl warily. What could you tell her? That her mother ran away with a random guy and went to Europe? Leaving you, the most unqualified idiot on the planet to take care of her daughter? That would definitely sit well with a six-year-old.

“Just a couple more months, babe” you sigh, smiling at her. She frowns in response.

    By law, you shouldn’t be taking care of Zuni. It was a dumb law, but, you had to have your soulmate to even consider having a child. Then you had to get permission from the state to have one. It wasn’t a population thing, surprisingly, they were just worried about children growing up in a soulmate less world. It was stupid though, most people no longer took the soulmate code seriously anymore. Nobody loses their virginity to their soulmate, people date and sleep around, and it’s common for people to cheat on their soulmate. Nearly half of people don’t  bother looking for theirs, they just marry whoever. The government was just trying to force the soulmate notion onto people and it wasn’t working.

    Your connection to your soulmate was sensory—you could feel each other’s pain. It wasn’t helpful in any way, your soulmate clearly didn’t get in a lot of painful situations that could help you track him down. You occasionally felt a pinch here or a paper cut there. The worst pain you’d felt had been in your teens, when your shoulder had felt like it was on fire. It hurt terribly for several months after. You’d searched the news low and high, wondering if they’d gotten shot or hit something.

There’d been nothing.

    You tried at first, when you turned thirteen and until college, but then you gave up. It sucked—according to a specialist, the pain you felt would subside once you met. If you never meet him, you’ll spend your whole life randomly waking up with  a headache or hissing every time your finger stings.  It made you wonder if the only reason some people found their soulmate was because of their connection.

💊💊💊

    You sighed, sitting on the kitchen floor with your head between your knees. Your head was pounding and the room spun every time you moved. Whatever your soulmate was doing was clearly putting them in a lot of pain. You reached for the glass of water, taking a small sip. You’d learned quickly that painkillers wouldn’t make your soulmate’s pain go away and it sometimes felt like they didn’t know what medication was. It had lasted all night and you’d been lucky that you managed to get Zuni up and on the school bus.

    You forced yourself to stand up, wincing as you tried to ignore the spinning room. You grabbed your keys, pulled a hoodie on, and stumbled out of the house. It was a ten minute walk to work, but it took you fifteen minutes since you had to stop every now and then to take a deep breath and get a feel for your surroundings. The sides of your vision was blurred out and the contrast of colors was more obvious than normal.

“You okay there, Y/N?” Namjoon, one of your coworkers, asked as you fell into your desk.

“Its your soulmate, isn’t it?” Jisoo murmured, resting a sympathetic hand on your arm. You sighed, burying your head in your arms.

“You know you could just ask the boss for a leave, he’d understand that you’re going on a soulmate hunt,” he said. You snorted, shaking your head as you forced yourself to sit up. You opened up your laptop and then glanced at Namjoon, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Our city is one of the places that disregards soulmates the most. He’s had two different wives, neither of which were his soulmate. This society doesn’t give two craps about soulmates or soul mate connections,”you huffed. “He would never let me have a leave.”

“Namjoon’s right Y/N. Everyone in the office knows you have one of the worst connections, I’m sure even our boss would let you leave.”

    You didn’t reply as you started logging in new client information. You had a phone conference in an hour and you were more worried about preparing yourself for the call than your soulmate and they’re stupid headaches. You could feel your coworkers eyes burning into you, but you kept your eyes on the screen, trying to pretend like your temples weren’t pulsing.

    They tried to push at you several more times throughout the day, but when you continued to be your stubborn self and show disinterest, they gave up. You managed to survive the call and convince the lady to become an investor. By the time lunch rolled around, your headache had slightly faded and you found your energy coming back.

You decided to go out to lunch with Namjoon, Hoseok, and Jisoo. The four of you stepped into the cafe, loudly making fun of Hoseok’s love life problems. You complained about work and Jisoo chuckled when you grumbled about your headache.

“Gosh, what if he has some chronic illness?” You moaned, staring into a cup of coffee bitterly. “Maybe painkillers won’t help!”

This was how your lunches usually went. You would complain about whatever random pain you were feeling that day, Hoseok would sob over his  failed love expeditions, and Jisoo would always say that she was glad she found her soulmate and didn’t have to deal with this. Jisoo had one of the best connections, they could share dreams. Namjoon claimed he didn’t have a connection and didn’t think there was anyone out there for him and Hoseok was covered in tattoos of his soulmate’s memories.

“You know, at least your connection doesn’t stop you from finding love somewhere else!” Hobi huffed. “Whenever people see the tattoos, they freak out, thinking I’ve already found my soulmate!”

One of the most common connections was that they’d have each other’s first words to one another on their wrists and once they met, important phrases would start appearing on their skin. You rolled your eyes at Hoseok, throwing a piece of lettuce at him.

“Having a migraine every other month seems to stop me pretty well,” you whined.

“Oh boo hoo!”

“Okay, okay, enough about your guys’ lives. Namjoon, what’s new with you?” Jisoo asked, turning towards the quiet blonde. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“I have a friend whose going to be staying with me for a while. Actually, I should probably leave soon, he’ll be at my place soon,” he said and then stood up. You all bid him goodbye, watching silently as he left.

“I still feel bad for him.”

You nodded in agreement with Jisoo. Soulmates might not some holy grail around here, but it must discouraging to not have one. It was rare, but the universe had to fuck up every now and then. Some part of you didn’t completely believe that Namjoon didn’t have a soulmate, but you never pushed at him. It was his business and you should let him tell you what he wants.    

Shortly after, you all left, walking back to the company. The streets were crowded and you struggled to keep up with your two friends, especially as you felt your headache grow. It was noisy and busy and it was started to overstimulate your senses. You kept pushing forward, knocking shoulders with people going the other way and getting jostled by the people going your way.

And then you froze.

Your hand brushed against someone’s and the headache disappeared, completely. You whirled around, searching the crowd for somebody. But people were moving too fast and there were too many to pick out exactly who you touched. It started to come back, but not nearly as bad. There’s no way, I’m just psyching myself out. Maybe it was just a coincidence.

No—the specialist said that touching would make the pain go away.

“Y/N!”

Hoseok grabbed you, pulling you along with him. You struggled against him, wanting to run the other direction to find whoever just touched you. Whoever just made the pain momentarily disappear.He pulled you off to the side where it was less crowded and frowned at you. He gripped your shoulders, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-I-uh, soul-he-just-no-pain—HOSEOK!” You shrieked, eyes widening as the shock started to subside. “I think I just met my soulmate.”

He blinked back at you, his gaze mirroring your own.

“Wait, who? Where?”

You shook your head, turning around. You pursed your lips—was it too late? You had no idea who it was and they were probably too far by now. You groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose. It was just your luck that you met your soulmate in the messiest situation ever.

“We… we didn’t really meet. We just touched.”  

#bts #bts x reader #bts smut #bts soulmate au #bangtan boys #kpop #bangtan network #yoongi #min yoongi #yoongi soulmate au #yoongi x reader #yoongi fic #yoongi x reader smut #yoongi smut

[phoenixfeatherquillwriting]

About Rissa and Ione

Still unsure what to write so I typed this up on WorldAnvil.

Relationship: Rissa Vannarjee and Ione Powell-Nazir (Partners, Vital Relationship)

HISTORY

Rissa and Ione were colleagues for many years, as soon as Ione was initiated into Jenni Myin’s Constellan rebel organization, Sixth Resistance, First Class in 1996. Having signed on a year earlier, Rissa served as a guide to Ione as best she could. By nature of the exclusivity of the group, they quickly formed a strong bond. They trusted each other fully, exceedingly rare for someone in their positions, and made sure to serve as backup/protection for each other in tight spots. (Aris was the third in the trio.) 

During Ione’s lengthy time undergoing experimentation at the behest of Myin, Rissa often served in a caretaker role, providing assistance to Aris who was typically overwhelmed and unsure of how to help Ione emotionally. Rissa took care of Ione’s duties while she was not physically able, and did her best to be a confidant for Ione about the painful reality of what she was going through. After a year, the experimentation was successful, and Ione found herself with enhanced abilities which were exceedingly volatile and difficult to control. Ione became prone to bouts of migraine headaches, dizziness/disorientation, and days without sleep as she could not yet control the surge of telepathic information running through her head at all times. Rissa became noticeably more protective of Ione, especially after Myin instituted one-on-one training with her, causing Rissa to genuinely fear for her safety. While Myin was concerned only with making Ione into a weapon, Rissa tended to Ione’s emotional and mental well-being, making sure to be there through every step of Ione’s lengthy recovery and return to a new kind of “normalcy,” 

Scarcely a year later, their roles reversed when Rissa was tortured, injured, and ultimately blinded by Myin. Rissa fluctuated between bouts of fury and hopelessness, fearful of her new situation and living with periodic flares of what would become chronic nerve pain. Ione was there for Rissa in the way Rissa had preciously done for her, especially because Rissa held Aris guilty by association and would not (or could not) allow Aris to do anything more than physical medical care. It was Ione, with her endless patience and advice, who taught Rissa how to cope with her physical and emotional pain, as well as helping her adapt to her blindness. After this time, they truly considered each other friends. Neither one held any respect for Myin any longer, but they chose to stay in her service, feeling both trapped and a strong need to stay together. Rissa and Ione, along with Aris, grew to rely even more on each other as sources of safety and support. 

Aris recognized that their feelings had gradually turned romantic before they did. Once First Class had been dissolved and they had relocated to a safer place, she encouraged them to become a couple. It took a little time to adjust, but Rissa and Ione found out relatively quickly that being romantic partners was actually very easy and suited them well. Both seem much happier with a new, safer home and the reassurance that comes with such deep, unconditional love.

NICKNAMES & PET-NAMES

Rissa has many affectionate names for Ione, including “Lee,” “Violet,” and “Raindrop.” Ione calls her “River Lily” or sometimes “Stormy.”

COMMONALITIES & SHARED INTERESTS

Rissa and Ione enjoy going swimming together, and Rissa often puts on water shows for her. Rissa loves to watch Ione sketch, and Ione is teaching her to paint with watercolors. Rissa doesn’t consider herself very good at it, but Ione insists that her partner accompany her in her gardening. They have more or less “co-parented” Pilar, Rissa’s tiger cub, and the three often go on long walks together. They are known for friendly sparring matches with relative frequency. 

As for commonalities in their temperaments, both are very introverted and reserved. They are private people who play their cards close to the vest. They relax significantly around one another, though, and let each other see the vulnerabilities they hide from others. Both can be rather sensitive, although Ione is more obvious about it than Rissa. They also both have a high degree of magical ability, with some trauma attached. 

SHARED SECRETS

Aside from Aris, Rissa and Ione are the only ones who truly know what it was like to live under the control of Myin, and they share many secrets and traumas from that time. Rissa values privacy highly and keeps in confidence anything telepathy-related that Ione chooses to share. Ione is likely the only one who can fully understand the emotional fallout Rissa endured as a result of her injury. Although Rissa has reconciled with Aris, she is uncomfortable with the idea of sharing the specifics of that experience with her.

SHARED ACQUAINTANCES

Aris, Ash, Katri, Espen 

*Feel free to ask me more questions about these two, and maybe even send in some short story requests! I’d like to write them being Gentle together, caring for each other, etc. 

#dove writes #worldanvil #OC OTPs #OTP: River Lily and Violet #romantic relationships #dove's useless ocs #OC: Rissa #OC: Ione #mine

[mindovermigraine-blog]

i’m scared to post this

My name is Kellie, I’m nineteen-years-old, and I suffer from chronic migraine.

When I say that I suffer, I mean that I SUFFER. Day in and day out, I hurt. I ache. I grieve. I grieve the piece of myself that I’ve lost, because I’m no longer the girl I once was. Slowly but surely, migraine has sucked the goddamn life out of me. It’s forced me to become a person that I never wanted to be. Migraine has forced me to give up the things I love, all while putting my hopes and dreams on hold until further notice, because how am I going to chase my dreams when I can’t even lift my head off of my pillow?

I was officially diagnosed with chronic migraine last month, March 2019. I’ve always suffered from headaches. I can remember being a little girl and having to take that orange liquid Motrin almost every day because I couldn’t swallow pills yet. God, I was probably only six or seven then. It was just something I had to deal with, you know? It was never alarming. As soon as I took my Motrin, they’d go away. I was put in reading glasses when I was ten or eleven, my eye doctor saying that me squinting at the whiteboard in school could easily be the cause of my headaches. I was also an avid reader, so getting reading glasses opened up a brand new, headache free world to me.

Fast forward eight years; I have a strong eyeglass prescription and my childhood headaches have returned as migraines.

My migraines got really bad close to a year ago. I didn’t even realize they were migraines until I began seeing spots & to get relief I had to go in my parents’ bedroom during an attack because they have blackout curtains that blocked the sun from shining through. I don’t want to bore you with all the details because if you’re a migraine sufferer… you already know.

When I finally went to the doctor, she suspected the cause of my migraines was stress & anxiety, so she put me on 40mg of Celexa, thinking if we handled my anxiety then the migraines will go along with it. The migraines only got worse, so she put me on 20mg of Amitriptyline and officially diagnosed me with chronic migraine. For the first month, the Amitriptyline really helped me. I went from having 21 migraines in February to have only 6 in March. It was crazy how quickly things changed for me, and I thought that I had finally found relief.

Well…

This month, I’ve had 16 migraines in 19 days. I’ve never experienced migraines like this before. Since this is just my intro post, I don’t want to make this overly long and drawn out by telling you all the details — I’ll do that in the future. Long story short though, my symptoms are incredibly heightened and I honestly feel like I’m dying.

Wasn’t supposed to go back to my doctor for three months, but definitely gonna have to make a trip back to see her soon. I can’t keep going on like this. I’m MISERABLE.

#migraine #migraines #headache #chronic migraine #chronic pain #chronic illness #spoonie

[meditativeyoga]

Change Your Stress Response

Meet Mark: When something difficult happens, he really feels invigorated. His heart races, his detects heighten-- he even feels as though his ideas accelerate. Mark prides himself on his ability to deal with problems head-on, but he confesses that it's coming to be challenging to transform this strength off. Lately he's been really feeling more on side compared to in addition to his game. He's created headaches as well as sleep problems, and he's starting to wonder if they're connected to anxiety. He wants to really feel much better, yet he can't envision himself transforming his full-throttle strategy to life. Without tension, how would he ever get anything done?

Mark's spouse, Sue, doesn't feel energized by tension-- it tires her. She feels so diminished by stress and anxiety that she's started to reduce on the important things that produce one of the most tension, such as planning huge family gatherings. To keep her calmness, she attempts to walk away when conflicts arise. She's also thinking about leaving her difficult work to discover something much less intense. Take legal action against happily sees in herself the ability to 'just allow points go,' which she's been cultivating through her yoga practice.

But despite the fact that she's streamlined her life, she's been really feeling depressed. She has an irritating sensation that her attempts to be tension cost-free are obtaining in the method of totally living her life.

Mark as well as Sue are personalities based on actual individuals, as well as are developed to stand for two genuine actions to anxiety-- one or both of which might appear familiar to you. As Mark and also Sue are finding, tension is inevitable, but it is additionally paradoxical: While excess stress can take a toll on you, the really points that create it are typically the very same things that make life rewarding as well as complete. Take a moment to think of the stress in your life: family, job, having way too much to do. Currently imagine a life without those things. Sound suitable? Not likely. Lots of people do not desire an empty life, they intend to possess the skills to take care of a hectic as well as, yes, also made complex life.

The excellent information is that you could develop ways to browse via tension to make sure that it isn't really troubling and traumatic every which way. When a stress factor develops, you do not have to go to extremes the way Mark as well as Sue do. You can find out to respond with simply the appropriate mix of internal fire and internal calmness. I call this the 'challenge action,' and you can create it through your yoga technique. In reality, studies suggest that yoga could problem the nerve system to bring you right into balance whether you require more tranquil, like Mark, or more fire, like Sue. Include in that yoga's capacity to transform your mental assumption of stress, and you could transform your whole experience of the feared's' word. Picture feeling qualified of managing whatever life throws at you, without having to stress, overreact, or prepare your departure strategy.

Stress Lessons

To begin altering the means you react to tension, you'll need to comprehend how it usually impacts the body. If your mind interprets a demanding event as an emergency hazard, it causes an instant action in the free nerves. Your tension feedback begins as well as activates the thoughtful nerves (SNS). Your body is flooded with hormones like cortisol and norepinephrine, which heighten the senses, boost heart price as well as high blood pressure, and also concentrate the mind's task. The parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which is liable for physical relaxation and psychological calm, becomes overloaded by this sympathetic action. With the understanding nerve system accountable and the parasympathetic overwhelmed, you are primed to respond with energy and also emphasis, however additionally with temper, stress and anxiety, as well as aggression.

Humans established this primal response, called fight-or-flight, so they might effectively combat off or flee from dangerous danger. This essential survival mechanism works when you require to knock on the brakes to protect against an automobile accident or flee from an attacker. But it's excessive for a lot of the disputes as well as difficulties we deal with day to day.

While it's easy to view life's troubles as a danger to your expectations, feeling of control, or perfects, it's better for your health and wellness to toughen up that understanding as well as instead see each stressor as a difficulty you can deal with. Also if an emergency situation exists completely in your creative imagination, or if the threat is just to your feelings, it can still cause the fight-or-flight stress cycle. With time chronic stress takes a toll on the body as well as brain, leading to all kinds of wellness troubles, including sleeping disorders, depression, persistent discomfort, and cardio disease.

Challenge Your Fight-or-Flight Response

The alternative to a knock-down, drag-out, fight-or-flight anxiety action is the difficulty reaction. The challenge feedback allows you to satisfy a demanding minute with specifically just what is required: initially, the capability to see a situation plainly, and also second, the abilities to react without becoming overloaded. If Mark can do this, he would not experience stress-related migraines or sleeping disorders. And if Sue can do this, she would not really feel the need to hide when things obtain hairy.

When anxiety strikes and also you engage the difficulty action, your nerve system will respond differently. To understand exactly how, visualize that the free nerves resembles a faucet. The knob that controls the warm water stands for the understanding nervous system, as well as the chilly knob stands for the parasympathetic. When you enter into fight-or-flight setting, it's as though you crank up the scalding-hot water and transform the cold water down to a mere drip. If you establish the challenge reaction, the warm water remains to run as it normally would, and also you transform down the cold water just a bit. Simply puts, you have simply enough heat to face the stress factor, yet you haven't totally removed the cooling influence. Once the difficulty is effectively met, the parasympathetic nerves reasserts itself (that is, the cold water increases), bringing you back to your daily state of balance.

Bradley Appelhans, PhD, an assistant professor at the College of Arizona College of Medicine that researches exactly how the body reacts to stress, emphasizes the value of the parasympathetic nerves in leading the obstacle reaction. 'When we typically aren't worried, the PNS works as a brake on our physical stimulation. In times of obstacle, we depend on our PNS to quickly remove the brake, so that we can achieve the state of raised psychological and also physical arousal had to manage stress. We additionally rely on the PNS to keep that stimulation under control, and not let the fight-or-flight response manifest in full pressure.'

In other words, if you usually handle stress and anxiety well, your parasympathetic worried system, not your supportive, supervises of raising arousal as well as readying you to face your stressor. That could seem like a minor detail, yet the effects for the mind and also body are substantial. It's like the difference between a pet dog walker expanding the chain of her dog to enable even more freedom and the canine breaking devoid of the leash and running amok. When the PNS draws back, allowing for simply adequate SNS involvement to sufficiently handle the obstacle, you have the ability to act without an overstated, unhealthy fight-or-flight reaction. The mind focuses, however it also stays open sufficient to see alternative remedies as well as opportunities.

The Heart of the Challenge

There is a technique for gauging just how well one's free worried system replies to day-to-day, nonemergency anxiety. It's called heart-rate variability, and it reveals whether the SNS or the PNS supervises of exactly how a person responds to stress.

Scientists have actually long known that with every inhalation, the nerves changes a bit towards sympathetic activation, as well as the heart defeats quicker. With every exhalation, it shifts towards parasympathetic -activation, and the heart defeats a lot more slowly. Individuals whose heart price differs widely in between inhalation and exhalation are stated to have high heart-rate -variability-- which is an advantage. It suggests that the nerves has the flexibility to go from an engaged or aroused state to a loosened up state swiftly, as well as that the SNS does not have unhealthy control over the body. High heart-rate variability-- both at remainder and despite stress and anxiety-- is taken into consideration a sign of a person's physical as well as emotional durability. Reduced heart-rate variability is related to a boosted threat of stress-related conditions such as heart disease and also depression.

Mark is a classic instance of someone that has reduced heart-rate irregularity. He is stuck in a state of persistent thoughtful activation in his everyday life, which decreases the flexibility of his heart rate. When he experiences stress, his SNS goes also better into overdrive, in part since it is out of balance and unattended by the PNS. For somebody like Mark, constructing the difficulty response will suggest re-training his mind and also body to let the parasympathetic system be in cost while he goes to remainder, and also at some point when he responds to stress and anxiety, too.

Sue is able to relax-- however only if she disengages from life's stressors. She requires to develop the capacity to obtain terminated up enough to fulfill a difficulty without sensation entirely overwhelmed by it.

A expanding body of study on heart-rate irregularity and also yoga exercise gives proof that the method could help individuals like Mark and also File a claim against in their pursuit for much healthier anxiety responses. One of the very first studies was carried out at Newcastle University in England and also released in 1997 in the European Journal of Professional Investigation. Researchers discovered that six weeks of exercising hatha yoga raised the activation of the parasympathetic anxious system (the soothing side) without decreasing the influence of the supportive (the exciting side). Scientists took 26 healthy yet inactive adults and also randomly split them into two groups. One group was offered a cardio exercise program, the various other a yoga exercise regimen that consisted of two 90-minute sessions weekly with breathing, presents, and relaxation. In the week adhering to the six-week treatment, the yoga participants were reported to have higher heart-rate irregularity (and also a reduced relaxing heart rate, an additional sign of wellness) after the research than in the past. The aerobics group showed no substantial changes.

A second research study, done by researchers at the College of Schleswig-Holstein in Germany and also published in 2007 in the journal Evidence-Based Complementary and Different Medicine, recommends that also a single session of yoga exercise method can urge the worried system to discover adaptability and balance. Scientist linked 11 healthy and balanced yoga exercise experts to tools that recorded their heart-rate irregularity over 1 Day. Throughout that time, individuals did 60 minutes of active Iyengar Yoga presents and also 30 mins of corrective presents. Heart-rate irregularity increased during the yoga exercise session, as well as-- as in the previous research study-- this modification was owned by the increased influence of the parasympathetic nervous system, not by modifications to the sympathetic system.

In various other words, after yoga exercise practice, participants just weren't simply much more kicked back, they were in a state of autonomic equilibrium and also flexibility driven by the parasympathetic-- which is specifically the sort of balance as well as flexibility that predicts better strength to tension. This research study provides appealing proof that a yoga practice can prepare you to fulfill life's challenges, not simply recover from them.

Tapping into Calm

How do we discuss why participants in the aerobics team really did not derive the very same advantage as the individuals that learned yoga? Better yet, how do we clarify the outcomes from the research that was based on a single session of Iyengar Yoga?

Kerstin Khattab, MD, an Iyengar Yoga educator as well as among the scientists in the Schleswig-Holstein research study, thinks that the secret is yoga's twin demands on body and also mind. 'Some of the presents in our study, such as Dhanurasana (Bow Pose) or Sirsasana (Headstand), are most likely to cause a solid considerate nerve system reaction. As you find out to hold these poses with a calm mind, concentrating on the breath, the positions end up being a training in exactly how to continue to be tranquil in demanding scenarios.'

In various other words, the physical challenge of a pose comes to be the matching of a stressor. If you do aerobics, which has no straight breathing or mindfulness component, the physical difficulty could activate a full-fledged stress feedback in the body. However when physical needs are met mindfulness and stable breathing, as they remain in yoga, the nerve system reacts in a different way: It keeps activation while keeping an underlying feeling of calm. It continues to be skillfully involved however without going into full-fledged fight-or-flight mode.

The fantastic sage and also codifier of yoga, Patanjali, have to have know the power of asana when he composed sutra 2:46, Sthira sukham asanam: Poses must symbolize solidity as well as convenience. If you can find both elements in the midst of a stressful arm equilibrium, you're not just educating your mind. You're enabling your free nerves to imprint that response as well as a result enable you to go back to it during daily stress.

At initially, you will certainly require to very knowingly use this reaction during your yoga technique by concentrating on your breathing and also ideas. With enough conscious practice, the rehearsed challenge reaction could come to be an embedded automated reaction-- on as well as off the mat.

Yoga likewise trains the worried system to return to balance swiftly after a challenge action. By rotating exhausting poses with gentler ones, yoga exercise problems you to move easily in between states of difficulty as well as rest. Releasing all effort in Savasana (Remains Posture), for instance, seals in this adaptability, since the pose instructs the nerves to let go once the challenges of your technique have actually been met.

Leave your Comfort Zone

Just revealing up to any yoga exercise class is not sufficient. If your tension style has a tendency towards fight-or-flight, as well as you puff your method through Power Yoga courses and also leave previously Savasana, you probably won't transform your stress and anxiety action. Exercising in this way just makes yoga exercise one more field where you engage in your common stress-response design. For people who move via life completely emergency situation mode, the starting location to learn balance is generally Savasana. This pose educates you exactly how to put the typically subdued parasympathetic nerve system in fee and offer the hypercharged considerate anxious system a rest.

When among my students, Monica Hanson, initially involved yoga, she was a self-described type-An executive in her very early 30s. The suggestion of relaxation was scary, and she can not visualize exactly how relaxing could perhaps assist her manage real-world stress and anxiety. 'I was terrified that if I allow go of the stress, I would crumble,' she states. 'Tension was the glue that held me with each other.'

Her initial experience in Savasana was anything however relaxing. Her emergency action dealt with to remain in control. 'I was sweating and also drinking. My heart was racing. I intended to escape,' she states. Yet below the anxiety was a feeling of being totally to life but tranquil-- something that Hanson had never ever felt prior to. This preference of exactly how her mind and also body might hold such revers was the beginning of her stress transformation.

After 7 years of constant yoga exercise practice, Hanson says tension is not what holds her together in stressful circumstances. Rather, she can really feel the calm underneath the tornado also if she still she obtains the desire to deal with or run. 'Yoga exercise has actually instructed me a whole new method of being. In difficult situations, I have actually heard my teacher's voice in my head say, 'Be existing. Infuse the stress. And also I do.'

Stay in your Experience

For a person like Sue, who easily finds happiness in relaxation yet stays clear of tension, creating the capacity to stay existing during difficult situations-- however without trying to deal with against or leave from them-- is crucial. As opposed to trying to hide from challenges, Sue needs to learn to think she can handle them. As Amy Weintraub, founder of LifeForce Yoga Recovery Institute and also the writer of Yoga exercise for Anxiety, places it, 'Occasionally it is very important to not simply eliminate ourselves from the difficult circumstance, however to feel it in our bodies. Acknowledge tension. Satisfy it. We can remain existing without being managed by it.'

For among my pupils, Julie Good, a 38-year-old doctor and mommy of two girls, the terrific instructor was Eka Pada Rajakapotasana (One-Legged King Pigeon Posture). When she first started yoga, it was her the very least favorite pose. 'My technique was to grit my teeth and also tolerate it, strained my whole body, as well as attempt to hold myself up off the flooring.' Her resistance was an attempt to stay clear of the extreme feeling in her hip, the effect was rather different. 'It was agonizing.'

One day, when Good clarified why she disliked Pigeon Pose, I urged her to quit combating it. Excellent states, 'I had actually been attempting to shield myself by withstanding. I thought, 'If I release, it's going to obtain even worse.' However I allow go, as well as it improved. When I wasn't withstanding, I learned to infuse the pain.' By remaining with the posture, she discovered that she could opt to stay in a tight spot as well as the discomfort would dissipate.

Find Your Fire

To really feel empowered to deal with tension head-on, File a claim against likewise needs backup from her nerve system. She needs extra involvement from the understanding worried system, she needs the power and also drive that the exciting side gives. A brand-new pilot research study published in Evidence-Based Complementary and Alternative Medicine reveals that yoga exercise might help facilitate this kind of response.

Researchers at the College of The golden state at L.a located that a normal yoga method decreased the dominance of the parasympathetic system for some individuals. There was a vital distinction in this research: The 17 grownup individuals were all medically dispirited. The participants exercised Iyengar Yoga exercise three times a week for eight weeks. At the end of the study, 11 individuals remained in remission from depression. The 6 others did not fully recover.

When researchers contrasted the participants' heart-rate variability before and also after the eight-week intervention, those that had recovered showed a little rise in understanding activation and a decline in parasympathetic influence. Scientists think it's possible that yoga practice aided the participants shift from a withdrawal from life to energetic interaction. This change was shown in-- as well as may have been triggered by-- the modification in the nerves's balance.

The point of all these studies? According to David Shapiro, a teacher of psychology at UCLA, 'Yoga exercise assists stabilize both systems as needed by each individual.' That indicates that if you go through life in emergency mode, yoga will actually awaken your leisure system. But if you have a propensity to come to be paralyzed when faced with challenges, yoga could function to shift your mind and body towards energetic engagement.

Study Yourself

Keep in mind that no matter how well you problem your worried system, you likewise need to change the method you view stress. You can begin this process by exercising svadhyaya, or self-observation. 'There is a connection in between just how you experience an ahead bend and how you react to the world,' states Elissa Cobb, a Phoenix metro Climbing Yoga exercise professional as well as the writer of The Forgotten Body. Take Paschimottanasana (Sittinged Ahead Bend), a posture that can create solid experiences in even one of the most versatile practitioners.

One common reaction is to neglect sensations and also force yourself ahead, combating versus your limited hamstrings. Another is to come from the posture to stay clear of the obstacle completely. Both techniques are variations on the same theme: fight-or-flight. In all probability, they create tense muscular tissues and rapid or had breathing-- in addition to a complete lack of joy.

Paying focus on exactly how your body as well as mind respond to the 'tension' of Paschimottanasana or any kind of pose offers hints about exactly how you generally respond to stress and anxiety in your life. By training yourself to proactively observe while remaining calm in poses, you'll be able to do the same point when difficult feelings, ideas, or feelings emerge when faced with stress and anxiety. Instead of entering into your habitual reaction mode, you'll see exactly what's occurring while staying existing adequate to select a suitable response.

When it involves changing your very own response to stress, it's alluring to search for that one present or taking a breath workout that will work its magic. However there isn't one magic pose. The procedure is a gradual exploration instead of a very easy option. 'If you're practicing yoga daily, you're planning for exactly what life brings. You don't have to have a method for just what yoga exercise strategy you'll make use of in a tight spot.' According to Weintraub, when difficulties show up, they will begin to stream with you but not bewilder you. 'When life strikes, it doesn't blow up or roll over us. We're not so captured up in the stress of it, but we exist for it.'

This is the real story of exactly how yoga can assist you handle anxiety. It doesn't just give ways to melt via tension or getaway from it. It doesn't just supply stress-reduction strategies for distressed minutes. It goes much deeper, transforming how the mind as well as body without effort react to stress. Equally as the body could learn a brand-new standing posture that ultimately becomes deep-rooted, so the mind could learn new idea patterns, and also the worried system can find out new means of responding to stress and anxiety. The result: When you roll up your floor covering and leave the door, you could extra masterfully handle whatever life brings.

#asana #hatha #Hatha yoga #Iyengar Yoga #Power Yoga #Yoga #yoga practice #Yoga Weight Loss

[paleorecipecookbook]

The Symptoms of Gluten Intolerance You Haven’t Heard About

You just don’t feel good. You’re tired and get frequent headaches, have ongoing skin issues, or struggle with depression—or all of the above. Maybe you’ve wondered if gluten could be the culprit, but because you don’t experience gastrointestinal upset, you’ve since put the thought out of your mind and haven’t mentioned anything to your doctor. Or perhaps you’ve shared your suspicion, but conventional testing ruled out celiac disease (CD) and thus, supposedly, any issues with gluten. In either case, your diet has likely stayed the same … and so have these often-overlooked symptoms of gluten intolerance.

Yes, all of the symptoms mentioned here—and many others you may not have heard about—can be signs that you have a significant degree of gluten intolerance. Even if you don’t run to the bathroom right after enjoying a plate of pasta, and even if standard lab work says otherwise, your body (and brain) may be having serious problems with gluten. Let’s explore these lesser-known symptoms and discuss if going gluten free is right for you.

You’ve heard of the havoc gluten can wreak on your digestive tract, but did you know that gluten intolerance can cause skin problems, depression, and frequent headaches? Check out this article for more symptoms of gluten intolerance you’ve never heard of. #nutrition #chriskresser

Undiagnosed Intolerance Is More Common than You May Think

First off, I want you to know that if you eat gluten and you feel lousy but you don’t have digestive issues—and you have tested negative for CD and been told it’s all in your head—you are not alone. In fact, undiagnosed cases of gluten intolerance are incredibly widespread. Here’s why.

As I’ve written before, wheat contains several different classes of proteins: gliadins (of which there are four different types, including one called alpha-gliadin); glutenins; agglutinins; and prodynorphins. Once wheat is consumed, enzymes in the digestive tract called tissue transglutaminases (or tTGs) help break down the wheat compound. During this process, additional proteins are formed, such as deamidated gliadins and gliadorphins (also called gluteomorphins). Stick with me here—these terms are worth knowing so that you can understand the pitfalls of conventional testing for CD.

CD is a serious form of gluten intolerance, one that can do real damage to the tissues in the small intestine (though its symptoms aren’t merely gut related). CD is characterized by an immune response to one specific gliadin (the aforementioned alpha-gliadin) and one specific type of transglutaminase (tTG-2). But people can—and very much do—react to several other components of wheat and gluten.

Therein lies the problem, because conventional lab testing for CD and gluten intolerance only screens for antibodies to alpha-gliadin and tTG-2.

If your body reacts to any other wheat protein or type of transglutaminase, even severely, you’ll still test negative for CD and intolerance.

Statistics suggest that for every one case of CD that is diagnosed, 6.4 cases remain undiagnosed—the majority of which are atypical forms without gastrointestinal symptoms; even many patients who are eventually diagnosed don’t experience an upset stomach after consuming gluten. (1)

What’s more, the distinct autoimmune response to wheat proteins and transglutaminase enzymes in the gut that defines CD is just one possible expression of gluten intolerance. The many other ways a sensitivity to gluten can affect the body are collectively referred to as non-celiac gluten sensitivity, or NCGS. Cases of gluten intolerance classified as NCGS involve both intestinal and non-digestive reactions to gluten that are not autoimmune or allergic in nature and that resolve when gluten is eliminated from the diet.

There is no definitive diagnostic test for NCGS, making it difficult to put a number on its prevalence. By some estimates, it may occur in as many as one in 20 Americans. (2) And although your doctor and plenty of others out there might still insist that NCGS doesn’t truly exist, several studies have validated it as a distinct clinical condition. (3) As I’ve explained previously, gluten sensitivity is very real. Stories painting NCGS as a collective delusion have gotten it wrong.

Decoding Your (Real) Symptoms

Gluten intolerance can affect nearly every tissue in the body, including the brain, skin, endocrine system, liver, blood vessels, smooth muscles (found in hollow organs such as the intestines), and, yes, stomach.

That’s why it can manifest either in the classic presentation of digestive distress—abdominal pain, bloating, gas, and diarrhea or constipation—or in any of the following, likely surprising, non-digestive symptoms.

Anemia

Although it’s discussed infrequently in popular articles, iron-deficiency anemia is well documented as a symptom of gluten intolerance in scientific studies. (4, 5) In fact, research suggests that it may often be the first noticeable symptom of CD and that up to 75 percent of those with an anemia diagnosis may be gluten intolerant. (6, 7) Gluten intolerance can interfere with the uptake of iron from food, causing malabsorption of this important nutrient. (8) What’s more, because anemia generally saps one’s energy, it can trigger or worsen the next non-digestive sign of gluten intolerance on this list.

Fatigue

Many gluten-intolerant individuals report feeling tired and fatigued, especially right after eating, you guessed it, gluten. (9) Research has linked NCGS to chronic fatigue symptoms in some people. (10) As with chronic fatigue syndrome, symptoms of gluten intolerance can also include muscle fatigue and muscle and joint pain.

Brain Fog

This type of cognitive dysfunction can be a sign of gluten sensitivity. Those affected often describe experiencing “foggy mind” symptoms such as an inability to focus and concentrate; some also describe feeling mentally fatigued. (11, 12)

Headaches

Headache is a frequent finding in NCGS, with one recent study reporting the symptom in more than half of its participants. (13, 14, 15) Migraine in particular is an associated symptom. (16, 17)

Eczema and Other Skin Disorders

As with fatigue, brain fog, and headaches, people with NCGS may notice a worsening of skin symptoms such as eczema, rash, and undefined dermatitis after ingesting gluten-containing foods. The most commonly reported skin lesions include those similar to subacute eczema, as well as the bumps and blisters indicative of dermatitis herpetiformis, or Duhring’s disease—to which CD is closely linked. Those who are gluten intolerant may also experience scaly patches resembling psoriasis. Lesions are typically found on the muscles of the upper limbs. (18, 19, 20)

Depression and Anxiety

One of the main reasons gluten sensitivity often goes unrecognized and untreated, researchers theorize, is because mental health issues can be a hallmark of this condition.  Data suggests that up to 22 percent of patients with CD develop such dysfunctions, with anxiety and depression occurring most commonly. One study found that CD patients were more likely than others to feel anxious in the face of threatening situations, while additional research has linked conditions such as panic disorder and social phobia to gluten response. Depression and related mood disorders appear to occur with both NCGS and CD. (21, 22)

Here’s the good news: The majority of studies cited here not only investigated whether or not these symptoms are signs of gluten intolerance, but also whether or not they can be addressed by going gluten free. And it turns out, these problems improved or completely resolved with adherence to a gluten-free diet.

But more on that in a minute.

Beware These Surprising Consequences of Intolerance

While the symptoms mentioned above are what will most likely clue you in to your body’s negative response to gluten, they aren’t the only effects of intolerance to be aware of. In fact, a variety of chronic diseases may develop due to long-term CD or NCGS, including: (23, 24)

Epilepsy

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD

Autism spectrum disorders

Schizophrenia

Type 1 diabetes

Osteoporosis

Multiple sclerosis

Hashimoto’s

Peripheral neuropathy

Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS

In one study, researchers found a strong link between gluten sensitivity and neurological complications—especially those in which the cause was unknown. (25) Research has even shown that, for some people with gluten sensitivity, the primary symptom they experience is a neurological dysfunction. (26) The data suggests that nearly 60 percent of people with neurological dysfunction of unknown origin test positive for anti-gliadin antibodies. (27)

Challenge Yourself: Do You Feel Better On a Gluten-Free Diet?

If you’re currently experiencing any of the symptoms of gluten intolerance I shared in this article and can’t seem to find relief, or if you have received a diagnosis of any of the above linked diseases or disorders and you and your doctor have not found a probable cause or resolution, gluten could very well be a trigger for you.

Because of the limitations of current testing for CD and the lack of diagnostic options for NCGS, the most reliable test for gluten intolerance is a “gluten challenge.”

This involves removing gluten from your diet completely for a period of at least 30 days—60 days is best—then adding it back in after that time has elapsed. If your symptoms and/or diagnosis improve during the elimination period and return when gluten is reintroduced, let your healthcare provider know. You have NCGS or atypical CD.

Though I consider this to be the gold-standard test for gluten intolerance, Cyrex Laboratories does offer a comprehensive blood panel that screens for all of the wheat and gluten proteins and transglutaminase enzymes discussed earlier. It can be a helpful diagnostic tool, but it shouldn’t replace a gluten challenge. (Note: It must be ordered by your physician or another healthcare provider.)

How Will You Deal with Your Symptoms of Gluten Intolerance?

If you experience improvement on a gluten-free diet and plan to continue eating this way, you can feel confident that there is no risk in terms of nutrient deficiencies to removing gluten from your diet. (28) If anything, my experience has shown me that people who eat gluten-free are more likely to increase their intake of essential nutrients, especially if they replace breads and other flour products with whole foods.

Have you experienced any of these symptoms? Are you planning a gluten challenge to determine once and for all if gluten is the culprit? Let me know below in the comments!

The post The Symptoms of Gluten Intolerance You Haven’t Heard About appeared first on Chris Kresser.

Source: http://chriskresser.com November 20, 2018 at 09:17PM

#paleo #recipe #food #delicious #healthy #yum #diet