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bullet-clubs-bitch · 6 months

Text

Enough

Chuck Taylor X Fem reader (Chuck is referred to as Dustin)

You taught me how to love, I was broken, shattered into a million pieces and you put me back together. I don’t want to be with anyone else but you. You are enough, more than enough.

Word count: 2215

Main Masterlist

Every now and then I would get asked why I married Chuck Taylor? What was it that I saw in him? How was I still with him? The internet was a ruthless place, I would see the comments, people were always shocked to find out that not only Dustin and I were married but we shared a son. People would say that I deserved better, that it was a miracle that he pulled someone like me and I hated it. Everytime someone said he was undeserving of my love it honestly broke me.

I know for a fact that Dustin saw what was being said of him online, and as much as he pretended it didn’t bother him I knew it did, because I knew it bothered me.

Today was All In, in London. Dustin and I decided to take our son Damian along for the ride, wanting him to experience the historical event. We flew straight from dynamite to London, arriving a few days before the event in order to prepare. On the card Dustin would be a part of the stadium stampede and I would be defending my AEW women’s world championship in four way. Before the show I did a press conference, talking about the difference between the first All In all those years ago and now.

*****

“So, Y/n. You will be defending your AEW Women’s championship in a fatal four way. How is today different from the first All In all those years ago?” A reporter asked me.

“Well, something that is different is that I have a kid now” I told the reporter truthfully

“Um, well, I have been honored to be a part of the ever growing womens division in AEW. Kenny, Matt, Nick and I had this vision back in Japan to create our own wrestling promotion and to see what it is today is something I would have never believed if you told me five years ago”

“As you said, something that is different is that you have a kid now. How do you balance being a mother and a wrestler?”

“It’s difficult, especially since we are traveling more now that everything has opened back up. In all honesty it’s not too bad, some shows I will bring my son with me but other times he’s staying with my parents or someone. It’s like you said balance, when I’m gone for weeks at a time then I would bring him, where as if it were a few days I probably wouldn't”

“ How do you feel about your match tonight? Walking in ready to face three other opponents has your chances of winning smaller.”

“Well for starters I don’t think that this being a four way puts me at a higher chance of losing. Statistically speaking I have a good track record with these kinds of matches. If you look back at the first All In I successfully defended my ROH Women's championship in a fatal four way. One of which was Britt Baker. I will be going into this match like I do all my other matches, cool, calm and collected. Although this is a huge match and I have a lot of pressure on me, it’s nothing I haven’t felt before.”

“One last question Y/n your husband will be a part of the stadium stampede match, what are your thoughts on the match?”

“I personally love a good bloody brawl. Anarchy in the arena, stadium stampede, blood and guts, they are my favorite. I know Mox is going to do some insane things and I’ll be on the edge of my seat watching this amazing murder scene unfold before my eyes. That being said, as much as I adore the Blackpool Combat Club I will be on the side of Best Friends tonight. I know people think that Best Friends are all hugs and rainbows but I think they have proved time and time again that they have a dark side. The parking lot brawl being a perfect example, Chuck and Trent have bathed in their own blood before and can be just as ruthless as the BCC. I do hope, for the sake of my mind, that I have my match before theirs so I can watch it and not stress about my match. Regardless it’s going to be a great match and I hope nobody gets hurt too bad”

****

Soon it was the final hours before we went on air and for once I began to grow nervous. Not nervous about my match but Dustins. This wasn’t anything new, Dustin has had bloody brawls in the past but something about this one felt different.

“How ya feeling Champ?” I didn’t even hear Dustin enter the room. I only noticed him when he wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me from behind.

“Nervous” I replied

“How so?” Dustin asked

“Not sure, I know my match and I’m genuinely really happy that Saraya is going to get her moment and all but…”

“But what?”

“I’m more nervous for you” I told Dustin before turning around so I could bury my face in his chest, holding him in a tight embrace

“Why are you nervous for me doll? It’s nothing I haven’t done a dozen times over?”

Truthfully I didn’t know why I was so nervous, the match itself didn’t worry me too much but it was what came after. This would be a bloodbath and right now I was questioning that bringing Damian along was a good idea. Did I really want him to witness his father bloodied and bruised? Imagine trying to explain that to a 3 year old.

“I know, but I just have this feeling. It’s hard to explain, I just have this gut feeling that somethings going down tonight. I’m not necessarily talking about you, Dusty, but in general I just have this feeling”

***

Well boy was that feeling right. Other than the backstage beef that went down, as I expected I knew the people would talk. Dustin’s match went great, no bad falls, no stitches needed but for some reason no matter how good the match was you would always have those negative people.

I returned to the hotel around 1am, exhausted. All I wanted to do was have a hot shower and sleep. Although Dustin and I both washed up at the arena after our matches you still are left feeling a bit gross. That final shower before bed calming your burning muscles.

As Dustin was In the shower I put Damian to bed, just then I got a text on my phone.

I looked and saw a message from Matt. Looking at the text I noticed it was just a link to which I clicked and ended up on a chain of tweets.

I guess an old image resurfaced of me and an ex boyfriend of mine. I read the messages and they all said the same thing. “Y/n should have stayed with him” “They were perfect together” “She settled for Chuck” just to name a few.

Looking back at the image I could feel the tears start to form in my eyes. That Ex boyfriend of mine was none other than Tyler Black. Tyler and I had been together when we were teenagers. We were dumb kids trying to make it in the industry. The people loved us not only as our characters but as us as a couple, the thing was all of that quick fame can get to your head. Yet we never broke up, that was until I found out he had been cheating on me for months. I remember when I found out, oddly enough it was Chuck Taylor himself and Dalton Castle who told me about it. But that was years and years ago, since then so much had changed.

Dustin and I got together later on in 2009 when he debuted in Pro Wrestling Guerrilla. I fell in love with him 14 years ago so why is it now that all of a sudden people have a problem with it?

My brain just couldn't seem to comprehend it. Yeah of course people change, everyone has changed, in 14 years we have both changed. Physically that is, through it all Dustin still had that sense of humor and smile that would light up a room.

Just then I heard the shower turn off. I quickly hid my phone pretending like nothing happened.

I then quickly grabbed my things and headed for a shower, Dustin could tell something was up I knew he did. “Is everything alright? You seem on edge” He asked, blocking me from entering the washroom to escape. “yeah , everything is fine, I’m just tired that’s all” I responded. Dustin knew I was lying straight to his face but decided to leave it.

***

The hot water felt perfect against my sore muscles, that match was definitely a brawl. Although I lost I was happy Saraya won. I remember when she got injured all those years ago, being able to help her get back in the ring after seeing what had happened made me happy. During the match I did not get pinned, Toni did which meant that I would get my rematch at some point and who knows maybe become a 2-time champion?

After I noticed the tips of my fingers becoming a bit pruney I got out, wrapping myself in a fluffy towel and finishing getting ready for bed.

When I returned, I saw Dustin under the covers, scrolling on his phone.

“Whatcha looking at?” I asked, as I jumped on top of the bed, joining him under the warm covers

“Nothing” He said, trying to hide the screen

“Okay then”

“By the way Matt was texting you when you were in the shower”

Shit, do you think he saw the texts from Matt? Looking at my phone I saw more messages from Matt. ‘What is wrong with people’, ‘I can’t believe this is still going on’, ‘I’m sorry that you have to deal with this Y/n’

I only now realized the sad look on Dustin’s face, he definitely saw them.

“What’s wrong honey?” I asked in a gentle tone, being cautious of my next words

No response

“You know you can tell me anything right? Whatever it is that’s bothering you, I can help you” I hated seeing him down like this. Tonight was supposed to be a night of celebration, not pity.

“Can I ask you something?” Dustin asked, with a sad puppy dog look in his eyes

“Of course, anything”

“Why do you love me? Why are you still with me when you could be with someone else. They can treat you better, what about Matt, you should be with someone like him but your stuck with me”

His words felt like daggers, it killed me.

“Well, I love you for many different reasons Dusty. You are kind, loving, you're really funny, I love everything about you. I think you forget just how long we have been together. You have been with me through everything. You were there when I got signed to New Japan, you were there when I founded bullet club. I remember how scared I was to move to Japan by myself, you were there for me, supporting me through it all even on the other side of the world. You are always so supportive of me and my crazy ideas. Heck, you believed in me when I said I wanted to start my own wrestling company. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?”

“14 years is a long time”

“It sure is, and I wouldn't trade any of it. You are always looking out for me, protecting me, without you I would probably be in some Psych ward trying to get clean or let’s be honest dead. Do you remember that you saved my life, quite literally. You never once judged me for my problems, instead you helped me through them, every single one. You taught me how to love, I was broken, shattered into a million pieces and you put me back together. I don’t want to be with anyone else but you Dustin. I love you so much.”

“I love you too Y/n”

“Just look at us, sure yeah we have changed but to loved is to be changed. We have a son, I never wanted kids before you changed my mind. We have accomplished so much together. I love you for you, always have, always will. So stop reading that stupid stuff online, it doesn’t matter what they say. You are enough, don’t you ever forget it”

“Even if I’m fat now?” asked laughing to lighten the mood

“Shut the hell up boy, you are not and plus I love me a dad bod” I said laughing

“Thank you Y/n, sometimes I just need that reassurance” Dustin said as he shifted in the bed, laying his head on my lap.

“Anything for you my love. I will always love you”

“Always?”

“Always”

#bullet clubs bitch #aew smut #all elite wrestling #aew #aew fanfiction #chuck taylor masterlist #chuck taylor x reader #chuck taylor #chuckie t #sexy chuckie t #chuck taylor aew #chuck taylor smut #chuck taylor fanfic #chuck taylor imagine #chuck taylor one shot #best friends #best friends aew

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simplepotatofarmer · 1 year

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Hi! Sorry if this is a bit deep and ramble-y but it’s just something that’s been on my mind. Have you ever doubted defending dream?

Sometimes I feel like I’m wrong for feeling bad for him. I feel like I get where some ppl are coming from when they say why they hate him but then am horrified by what they do with that hatred.

I keep telling myself that it’s normal to feel empathy for someone that you could see was facing a lot of shit. I felt bad for him in April, but also felt bad for feeling bad because everyone was saying how he was a horrible person who deserved horrible things. Looking back, and reading some ppls reflections on it, it’s much more obvious how April specifically was just an obscene hate campaign, but even then I have moments of doubt just because of how universal the idea of dream always being in the wrong seems to be, especially in this community.

Even with the most recent incident, where I did step away for a while, I felt bad for him and his friends for the things their fans were doing. But then I also felt bad for feeling bad because so many ppl on here say that the extreme means are necessary.

Even though I am more of a causal fan, I don’t want to live in an echo chamber and I think the ppl in the fandom who I do follow (like you) are pretty rational about everything. I’ve tried following other ppl but there’s just this everpresent hatred of him that I don’t like seeing everyday on my dash. But I again feel wrong for feeling that way. It’s all just frustrating.

i was going to sleep but this is actually a really important ask, in my humble opinion.

the short answer is no.

the long answer is absolutely not, i've never regretted defending him over the things i have defended him over because even if he was a terrible person and not like, a dude none of us know personally who is not perfect and makes mistakes and is sometimes a fucking idiot, those would still be things i would defend him for.

defending someone against absolutely vile queerphobia is never something i'd regret because it's quite simply just the right thing to do. erasing someone's identity because you don't like them is wrong, point blank. blair white or caitlynn jenner are no less deserving of respect as trans women than any other woman.

defending dream against ableism is always gonna be the right thing because you don't have to be a good person to deserve not to be treated awfully due to your neurodivergence.

and like, there's been things i've defended dream on where i don't completely agree with him. i think he's been a little baby sometimes when it comes to mcc but when people were saying shit like he was '''manipulating''' us and noxcrew because he said he didn't want to play in mcc if he had to play buildmart, yeah i'm going to point out that's a batshit take. someone venting and being frustrated isn't manipulation, he was just throwing a tantrum. touch grass yada yada.

and when it comes to my belief that people can be racist in the past and change, that still applies! i still think dream actively tried to be better! he grew up in a bigoted environment, is open about his racist past (and fucking uses the word racist/bigoted, thank god) and is actively working to be better.

that's always going to be true and frankly, i think it's not only weird but extremely telling that a LOT of white people who had formerly defended him suddenly switched up. it just shows that it was never about the harm done and poc but whether or not you liked some white boy.

but i digress.

the thing is, anon, i get why you feel this way. this fandom and online culture as a whole lately is wrought with the belief that consumption of media is a reflection of your morals. that consuming the right media and being a fan of the right sort of person is akin to activism.

it's not. it doesn't fucking matter. there's no righteousness in hating dream. you can certainly be valid in hating him! there's a lot of reasons to dislike him or hate him or feel he shouldn't have a platform. i might not agree with it all but i can see it.

the problem is.... i see why you feel like this and that is genuinely so sad and messed up because how did we get to the point where queerphobia or ableism or body shaming is totally okay as long as it's a certain group and to where people doubt themselves when they think it's wrong! it is wrong but i completely understand why anyone would second guess themselves.

as it stands right now, i don't regret it because i feel it's right. i'm always going to feel it's right.

if something comes out tomorrow and it turns out that it really is more than some instagram dms and the questionable choice of giving out his private snapchat, then i won't be defending him.

but i still wouldn't regret any of my past defense because my defense isn't conditional, my belief that people can grow isn't conditional, and my opinion on things like fandom's queerphobia and misuse of terms like 'grooming' would still stand.

#loyal answers things #dreamwastaken #long post #anon if you feel anger in my words please know it's not directed at you #it's directed at everyone who has made you second guess yourself #anyway. i love you <3 <3 if you need anything else let me know

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anjelicawrites · 1 year

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The unexpected paramour

Paring: modern!Aemond Targaryen x reader

Synopsis: you love Aemond Targaryen and he loves you. You suspect your cat loves him more.

Warnings: none. High Valyrian curtesy of some online dictionary

When you started dating Aemond you knew you'd have many women try to steal him from yourself. You also know Aemond is blissfully unaware of the effect he has on women, and men as well.

For the longest time Aemond had thought you two were just friends and had stared at you with his pretty lilac eye wide open when you confessed to him and trembled on the inside waiting for his answer

"I love you too - he had said and you had let go of the breath you were holding - I just didn't think you could be interested in me that way".

In that moment you could have either opened the can of worms that was how Aemond perceived himself, or you could unpack that later; you choose the second option

"May I kiss you?" You had said already on your tippy toes

"You may" he had half smiled, reaching for you.

You'd never think the danger would be your asshole cat Saffron.

You and Aemond have had countless dates, slept at his place, helped him redecorate a little and did all the silly things couples in love usually do.

But he had never set foot in your home. Not that you have some dirty secret there, but you have a cat, the asshole known as Saffron.

Saffron is the catest cat who had ever cated in the history of human-feline interaction.

You had adopted her from one of those kill shelters after one of your friends had sent you the Facebook post with her story and your bleeding heart couldn't help itself. Yeah, the post explained clearly that Saffron didn't like human interaction and you thought it would be ok with you. Because of your job you worked odd hours and an overly cuddly cat would probably suffer from that, but you didn't expect Saffron to hide from you for the whole first year of adoption. You knew she was all right only because she ate, drank and did her business in the cat litter. After this first year she had decided that she could be seen and briefly petted for five minutes every day. She usually stared as you with contempt and looked positively disgusted when you had friends over. She would randomly accept Catisfactions but refused to be touched by them. If your friends had pets of their own, she would just hiss at them and stare with frank hate on her face.

You tell Aemond all of this one day. You are just chilling on his new sofa you helped him choose and he just smiles at you.

He states again that he doesn't mind: both of you work stressful jobs, requiring loads of your time, his place is closest not only to his workplace, but to your job as well, so your commute is actually shorter than your own apartment and he'd rather spent here whatever little spare time you have, than having to spend more time to get to where you live. But still, you feel like you're hiding something from him, even though you are not. It just feels weird that some of your stuff is at his place, but you have none of his. You’d very much like to wear one of his T-shirts when you are chilling on the sofa (Aemond doesn’t do hoodies, even at home, he does old t-shirts and comfy, fluffy cardigans). It feels like you are not really sharing your life with him. You know that it is all in your head and that he would tell you if he wasn't happy: his family lives and breathes lies, he wants none of that between the two of you, he'd rather talk it out, no matter how bad the problem.

Aemond smiles genuinely when you tell him all of this and is ready to start on a rant when you say you don't know how Saffron would react to someone who owns a dragon

"One cannot own a dragon" he chastises you tapping one of his long fingers on your nose

"Aemond Targaryen you know what I mean!"

You love that he is always sharp and accurate in everything he does, but he is beside the point now

"I know you do - he raises his hands in mock surrender - you think she would attack me?"

"I don't know - your shoulders slump in defeat - no one knows what her life had been before the shelter. I wouldn't say she was used to other animals, but I am positive she knew what dogs and cats are. But dragons?" You bury your face in your hands

"Hey vēzos, none of that - he delicately removes your hands away - it is of no use to worry now. We'll try and see what happens"

''What if she hates you?"

"I'll live with that, as long as you love me".

Your heart flutters at his words. Aemond rarely talks about his feelings, he'd rather show you how much he cares. For him to say it out loud, it means he understands how important this is for you; for all his issues and the problematic family he has, he is a walking green flag.

The night he finally arrives at your apartment your hands are shaking a little. It is your day off and you have tried to maintain your usual routine, so that Saffron wouldn't notice that something is brewing.

The only difference in your shared routine, is that you have been using one of those cat hormone thingies you can pop in a socket since the week prior. You are not sure if they really work, but they wouldn't do any harm either, since Saffron seems to be her usually bitchy self and she is staring at you from her perch, when Aemond knocks on your door.

You try not to run to open it, but you know you are moving hurriedly while Saffron eyes you with contempt

"Vēzos" he smiles and is one of those reserved only to you

"Come in! - you gesture around yourself - make yourself home!"

You hear the rustling of his jacket and the soft thud of his booths as he removes them. You ask him about his day while you are finishing dinner. You start rambling, moving pans and pots around while Aemond tells you about his day. He is chatting while he is making himself comfortable, when he stops talking abruptly

"Vēzos, I think you should come here"

You find him sitting on the sofa, Saffron on his lap, aggressively purring and making biscuits against his abdomen. Aemond has both his hands in the air and is staring at you with surprise

"What do I do now?" He doesn't sound scared but positively insecure

"I am not sure. This is not what I would have expected".

And so begins the love story between your boyfriend and your cat, whose only aim now is to make you feel like you are the third wheel in your own relationship.

Every single time Aemond is at your place, you cannot scuttle close to him, because Saffron is there, purring and staring at you with a challenging stare, from his lap. You and Aemond cannot try to be intimate, because Saffron will come between the two of you and try to push off the bed. When Aemond is not around, she stares at you with even more contempt than usual. The times you have to Skype when he is away for work, she is constantly in front of the pc, her ass up in the air while she meows pitifully. Aemond, obviously, spurs her on. He only has eyes for her, buys her treats and toys, is constantly petting her and tells you not to scold her.

"I thought you'd be happy that she likes me" Aemond tells you one night almost snickering

You are curled up against his chest while outside a storm rages.

"Don't even start. It's not funny"

"Are you jealous of your own cat?" He feigns surprise

"I might be - you pout - I saved her from that awful shelter, I am the one who feeds her, cleans her litter and she makes biscuits on your tummy!"

"It kinda hurts when she does that" he tries to reign in his mirth

"Well, she can be the one making you lasagna next time" you say trying to disentangle your limbs from his, but he is too fast and you find yourself under his weight

"I can convince you to change your mind - his lilac eye glints mischievously - do you want to be convinced?"

You pretend to try and get away, which causes Aemond to start tickling you, while waxing poetic about your cooking skills.

You suspect all his neighbors have heard your laugh.

#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x y/n #aemond targaryen

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tepkunset · 1 year

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Top Surgery Journey Part 1

16 was the worst age of my life. My mother was diagnosed with stage-three breast cancer. We were evicted from our house and had to move again, this time to a shitty thin-walled apartment with drug-dealers for neighbours. I was half-way through my first year of high school, where I was bulled for what might as well have been a glowing neon “I have autism” sign strapped to my back. And I realized I liked girls—that terrified me almost as much as the threat of losing my mom.

My father used to tell me and my brother that the two things we were not allowed to be were gay or clergy. He said things like “all gay people should be put on an island” – your typical homophobic rhetoric. As an autistic child, I took him literally, and thought that if I was gay, he would discard me on an island to die. Living in Nova Scotia, it’s not like there’s a lack of islands around where he could have done so, in my mind. That probably sounds ridiculous to read if you’re neurotypical, but it’s what I genuinely thought at the time.

It wasn’t until my early 20’s that I started coming out to people as liking women. By that time my parents had divorced and I started looking after my mother and brother. I became more accepting of my sexuality, especially thanks to the encouragement from online queer spaces. And when I became more accepting of my sexuality, I started to question my gender as well. There were so many things that trans/non-binary people spoke of that I could identify within myself; things I never questioned before, or just assumed everyone felt that way. It prompted me to think about all the things that made me feel outside of my gender growing up, such as the intense jealousy I felt over my mother’s double mastectomy.

I know, right? It’s true though. She survived cancer, and all I could think of was how much I wished I could be rid of my breasts, too.

I was late in puberty. It didn’t start to hit until about age 15, so I was very new to the developing breasts I hated so very much, at the same time my mother was getting rid of hers. But when they came, they came in heavy. I was genetically cursed with a large chest, and it made shopping suddenly a nightmare for me, because I preferred the men’s section. I started the habit of buying clothing twice my size to hide my body. I hated looking at myself in the mirror, because I felt disgusted with what I saw at best, or like I didn’t want a body at all at worst. I stopped going swimming; something I used to enjoy. Despite my family history, I never did breast exams because I couldn’t stand to think about them in such detail. One of the reasons I hate exercise in general is because I hate the sensation of my breasts moving so much, even when packed in sports bras. All because I know now, having been professionally diagnosed over a decade later, I have gender dysphoria.

(Insert here a reminder that not all transgender people have gender dysphoria, and that doesn’t make them any less trans. I am purely speaking about my own experiences!)

It’s only been a few years that I’ve opened up about my nonconformity to the western gender binary to the people I know in real life. Most of my close co-workers are 50+ years old cishet white women, who while mean well, are quite ignorant of gender diversity. I’ve been fortunate to only have to deal with one co-worker who did not respond well to my request to stop calling me “yes missy”, “yes girl”, “yes ma’am”, insisting it was just what they were taught from their generation and that I needed to respect that. But my manager has been very supportive, and made it very clear that it’s expected I be treated with respect, too. (She also added a rainbow flag to her email signature with the line “I respect inclusion”, which I thought was cute.)

My top surgery is two weeks away now, and I’m so excited to get it done that I think about it before bed every night. Knowing that soon I will be going to sleep on a table and then waking up with a flat chest is thrilling. Thinking about how much this is going to change my life is thrilling. I have worries about the surgery itself of course—I’ve only been under anaesthesia once when I was very little; too little to remember. I’ve never been on high pain-killers before. I worry about the drainage tubes and looking after them. But I figure these concerns are probably very normal, and I have to remind myself that people every day are going through the same surgery I’m about to go through. The surgeon who will be operating on me has almost two decades of experience. The clinic I’m going to in Montréal has a good reputation, from what I’ve been able to hear from others. There’s reason to believe things will go well.

#top surgery

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nekkodiaries · 1 year

Text

⌖ the 2nd shot. ┆that's kinda hot. [ 0.9k words. ]

jay's has a very short temper. he knows that, his friends know that, everyone in the university knows that. what everybody doesn't know is that his anger is often fleeting, and that once his temper goes away, his guilt eats him up. still, he cannot and would not say sorry. ni-ki being the primary target of his anger often just accepts the gifts jay leaves in front of his room as an apology because one, the gift is often expensive, and two, he knows his jay hyung very well.

which is why he's currently pacing around his room, wondering if he's going to apologize to her. apologizing is just out of the option— but how is he going to talk to her again?

noturnsiper: "i'll come back when you're not being stupid and childish."

her last message was 4 days ago. looking back at their past messages, jay feels bad spamming her like that. he realized that he was, in fact, being stupid and childish. fuck, she must thinks i'm one of those toxic misogynist gamers. he did remember her saying something along the lines of "i hope you're not those idiots who hate on women for breathing lmao" during the match, which he ignored at the time.

the choices are clear: either he suck up coming off as mean to an online girl which he probably would never meet in this lifetime, or say sorry so he can continue playing with said girl who's objectively good at the game.

"fuck." he whispers, opening the game and nibbling on his lower lip as it loads. he tries to convince himself that the only reason he's saying sorry is so she can help him rank up, not because he genuinely feels sorry for blowing off on— holy shit, she's online.

killstrike: hey.

notursniper: ? what do u want

killstrike: no need to be so hostile, damn 😔 killstrike: i just wanted to apologize for what i did last time haha

notursniper: ... really?

killstike: yeah, i just had a bad day

notursniper: so you kind of are one of those toxic men on here

killstrike: that's kinda fair for you to say. but would u want to play again? killstrike: i totally accept it if you dont :)

notursniper: match me on 1v1 and i'll accept your apology if you win

killstrike: and if i lose?

notursniper: i'll block u here ❤️

jay thinks he deserves it. besides, if he can't, then at least he'll get to play with a cute good player before she blocks him. that doesn't mean he won't go down without a fight.

killstike: aight bet

—

death match arena — the rules are simple: the first player to eliminate the other 20 times wins. jay picks up his gun and he traverses through the map when he hears the first shot. going behind a wall, he peeks and before he can even pull out his gun, he spots notursniper with her weapon already aimed at him.

notursniper - 1 | killstrike - 0

he manages to kill her every now and then, using stealth and his self-heal technique but it doesn't compare to how god-like her aim is, always getting him by headshots. he doesn't even manage to see where the shot is coming from, he just hears a single shot ringing and he'll be spawned back to base with the scoreboard adding another point beside her name. he smiles to himself in plain admiration of her skills.

the score is now 19-13 in notursniper's favor.

on the last round, jay spawns in his base. i can hold off just a little until the score evens out. he hides behind a crater and pulls the ring off of a frag grenade and peeks out to throw the weapon in hopes of distracting her. he slings a few smoke grenades in different directions to throw her off too, using the white fog to adjust his location.

he ends up inside the warehouse in the center of the map, grabbing the special m249 to avoid reload mishaps. despite the added weight and nerfed character speed of the weapon, he manages to sneak to her location only to see... nothing? she's not in her usual spot. where is she? he turns around and there she is with her knife. he presses on the shoot button hard, not even caring whether the bullets actually hit her. it still wasn't enough, though, as his loading screen flashes a bright red "defeat."

he chuckles, knowing very well that she killed him with a knife to prove a point that she's not only a good sniper, but an ace with any kind of weapon.

killstrike: hey before you unfriend me on here i hope you know i just said what i said out of anger 🤕

notursniper: are you sorry?

killstrike: yes 😔

notursniper: say you're sorry one more time.

fuck, that's kinda hot.

killstrike: i'm sorry.

notursniper: u better be thankful that im being this nice notursniper: sigh notursniper: ur forgiven but you're on thin fucking ice, sir 🤨

killstrike: haha, yes ma'am. 🫡

notursniper: r u not gonna compliment how i fucking BODIED you during that deathmatch lmfaoooooo notursniper: 19/20 headshots im AWM lord ‼️

killstrike: ok nvm u can just unfriend me 😐

jay shares a few laughs with his newfound friend. as promised, she helps him rank up on duo, getting him from crown to his goal crown iv in just a few hours. she tells him she has to go to sleep and urges jay to do the same, messaging "you go to sleep too, mister killstrike. i had a great time." and jay doesn't understand why he closes his phone and drifts off to sleep with a small smile on his lips, heart feeling full.

masterlist. ┆ previous. — next.

summary: park jay lives life as a hot-headed gamer by day and.. well.. still a hot-headed gamer by night— except he secretly goes by the name killstrike. after losing a match, he finds himself trash-talking, his teammate notursniper, who happens to be the mysterious classmate he's been admiring for over a year and more.

a/n: hello ! my preliminary exams are over and now i can actually start consistently posting hhhhh. also, IMPORTANT NOTE: for the most part, "she" will be referring to notursniper and "you" will be referring to the reader since a lot of the written part will be from jay's pov. i hope this makes sense. aslkdjalskdj. anyway. enjoy !!

taglist [open]: @yvnjin-s @wondering-out-loud @rikisly @babystrlla @shinrjj @homelycat @annoyingbitch83

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accidentalharrie · 2 years

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One thing that I keep seeing brought up, and not just by HLT but some of the “GP” (it’s more of a case of women who are extremely online and consume a lot of pop culture and are very snarky towards most of it, in my opinion, because they feel better about themselves that way), but anyway, what I see pop up over and over is the whole “Harry won’t claim her” thing, and it’s so odd.

Claim her? We’re really using that language about a woman? She’s not his fucking dog. Also, while Olivia has been slightly more open about their relationship (with very sideways stuff like “I didn’t leave Jason for Harry, that relationship ended way before I met Harry” or “our relationship is private”, she’s also extremely cagey about him. She hasn’t sat down to do a tell-all interview on how they got together or told us stuff about their domestic lives. She hasn’t even called him her boyfriend, or partner. She hasn’t posted a picture of him on socials that wasn’t for work. She hasn’t directly talked about their relationship other than veeeery tangentially allowing that it exists.

Of course this has been Harry’s MO for relationships his entire career. And it very much wasn’t Olivia’s before him (if anything, she was an oversharer). But just like Harry took Pilates with her instructor and that life philosophy sentence and probably a lot of other things we’re not privy to (I think, for instance, that this approach he has of making jokes about stuff people criticize about him is 100% her influence because in 10 years in the spotlight he had never done that, but it’s becoming a thing he does now, since he met her, and she’s always used self deprecating humor to make fun of criticism leveraged at her. Famously when she read mean tweets Justin Bieber fans sent her back in like, 2013), I think Olivia realized that Harry’s minimal social media approach and measured words about private matters was… a good strategy. She said something along those lines, like it didn’t benefit her to speak on her private life. I’m sure speaking so much about Jason bit her in the ass in the long run (everyone thought they were the perfect couple and, well…). And also other blunders like saying they had sex like Kenyan marathon runners or like her vagina had died with her ex. While I’m sure she regretted those pretty fast, I think it took her longer to connect that maybe… not airing out your private life is a good approach.

I think it probably wasn’t necessary for her to be so measured in the past, because she wasn’t this exposed and social media was a lot different but right now, she’s probably 1000000% on board with Harry’s approach. I’m sure it was tough to walk the red carpet with your partner and not touch them, awkward even, like you don’t know what to do with your limbs, but in the end, seeing how things played out, I think she was glad that they didn’t. That she knew it would’ve been a lot worse if they had.

I think she knows that if he “claimed her” things would not be better for her. Just seeing the way Larries treat Eleanor, who has been “claimed” a million times, tells you enough. It’s completely irrelevant or even makes things worse.

I think that if they end up getting married or having kids together, things will loosen up, because it just becomes a little ridiculous to be so tight lipped at that point, but it was definitely not going to happen while the movie wasn’t even out (and it probably won’t happen for a while after).

Those hateful women (and I highlight that they’re women because it’s fucking appalling that we’re often harsher on other women than men themselves), who claim that it’s embarrassing that Olivia keeps doing the most for Harry (what even is the most? Spending time with him? Wearing his merch? Speaking about him in a professional manner? Cause Harry does equivalents of those things as well), when “he won’t even claim her” and project that he doesn’t want to admit to having a girlfriend for PR and Olivia is so pathetic are genuinely… like, I can tell they have no joy in their lives because how are you willfully interpreting a situation that’s none of your business in the most negative way? When you have 1% of the facts and these are people you don’t even actually follow?

Sorry, but this sort of thing is just annoying. I know Harry is not perfect but assuming that he’s heartless enough to not acknowledge his partners (who are desperate for his validation) to keep a specific image even if those partners are “torn to pieces” because he keeps that public image is such a horrible horrible attribute to assume about a perfect stranger. Such a cynical interpretation of things for no good reason.

Perhaps I’m weird for giving random celebs the benefit of the doubt when I don’t know their motivations. Or perhaps I don’t feel the need to elevate my life and my self worth by putting down celebrities for a hobby.

Nons - I don't have much to add to this because you put it all perfectly but I would like to loudly join the chorus that in the YEAR OF OUR IMAGINARY LORD 2022 we do not expect men to CLAIM their women.

(Especially when we are also relentlessly criticizing the way said woman performs her feminism.)

((Especially especially when Harry grabbed her hand in front of approximately one million cameras less than a month ago.))

#you're not the weird one nons i promise #asks #hlts

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j-graysonlibrary · 8 months

Text

Fort Heaven Chapter 30

Title: Fort Heaven

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 69K

Genres: Suspense, investigative, drama, LGBT+

Available on: Kobo and my website

Synopsis: Some call it a hoax. Others claim it’s a cult. But, to Evon and his friend Yasmine, two online journalists, Fort Heaven is the subject of their latest story. Along for the assignment is cameraman and not-so-secret crush of Evon’s: Russet. With a drunken, murky night in their recent history, things are especially tense between them but, of course, personal matters take a backseat when the interviews start. The trio speaks to ex-members of Fort Heaven and, while some of the accounts are shocking, the job remains just that: A job. That is until one of the women they interviewed, along with her daughter, goes missing. It soon becomes clear that not only is Fort Heaven a real threat but Evon and his friends are being watched. And what started as a simple cash-grab article is now a matter of life and death.

Full chapter 30 under the cut

Chapter 30

There seemed to be no end to the cruelty and resourcefulness of Fort Heaven and Willow had begun to wonder if Simon had known all along about her connections. If the entire thing had been a roués. Each moment—each word—could have been a lie from the start.

And, somehow, that theory wasn’t as horrific as the reality that was presented to her. The genuine interest in torturing a young woman just because she disagreed with the holy Simon--the idea that she would want to help with that torture…it was too much.

Yet, Willow couldn’t break down and cry like she wanted to. Even if her insides were on fire, she still had to act as though nothing was wrong. If she showed discomfort it would have to be minimal and she knew if she let even a drop of her real emotion escape then the floodgates would open.

That was how she ended up standing, motionless and silent, in front of a table with long nails driven into it from the underside. They weren’t even and the table looked like it had definitely been used before judging by the discoloration. Nichole was laid on her back, her body being pricked and punctured all over while her weight gradually inflicted more damage. To make matters worse, every time she refused to speak or answered one of Simon’s questions “wrong”, a small cement block was placed on top of her.

Nichole had a block on her forehead and two across her stomach when Simon placed a fourth on her right knee.

“If you’re thinking you can live even if you make it all the way down to the table then you are sorely mistaken,” Simon chided, “No one has survived more than eighteen weights. Even if the puncture wounds don’t get them then they will, eventually, bleed out.”

She said nothing and just closed her eyes when he pressed down on her leg. When he didn’t let up, she winced and made a sound of discomfort.

“I didn’t even know about your stupid cult until the other month,” Nichole said through a tight jaw.

“But your mother passed onto you her filth. You now hold the sins of your own intolerance along with her heresy and treachery.”

“If you hated her so much, why go and hunt her down?”

Willow looked between the two who were locked eye to eye. She could slip away if she wanted—it could even take a moment for Simon to notice her absence. It would be a betrayal to her best friend but, in her own mind, she’d already hugely let her down.

She could at least use the opportunity to do something important. Even if it was a long shot.

“All sinners must be punished,” Simon responded to Nichole, kneeling even closer to her face. He wasn’t blinking and neither was she.

“And what do you call what you’re doing?” Her voice was sharp despite her circumstances. She still refused to lose to him—even at such a major disadvantage.

For a second, Willow second guessed herself but, as their staring match continued, she started to take steps backwards.

The moment she knew she was out of Simon’s peripherals, she ran out of the door. The cold hit her with a gust of wind but she didn’t slow—not until she saw Seth.

His brow rose in surprise so she could assume that he knew his father had plans with her. Once the initial confusion passed, he seemed happy.

“Did my father let you go early?”

Willow shook her head, deciding—on the fly—that she needed to be honest. Sort of. “Can I talk to you in private? Very quickly?”

Seth dropped his defenses and frowned. His eyes were glued to her and his stare was intensely concerned and genuine. “Sure.”

They ducked into the nearest building which was on the side of the compound. No one was in the hall so Willow knew they were safe.

“Your father is trying to get me to help him torture people…and I…” She held his eyes and whispered, “I can’t.”

Thankfully, Seth showed zero disappointment. He reached out to hold onto her shoulders and squeezed. “I’m sorry…He just wants you to be capable of defending yourself…defending us and our cause. He’s got his priorities mixed up though.”

Willow closed her eyes for a second as she ran several half-baked plans through her head. She settled on one. “Do you think you can convince him to rethink this? I can’t be in a place like this anymore…I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize,” Seth said in a muted tone, “You’re a loving, bright person…I never liked this plan of his. And…I’ll see what I can do for you, Willow.”

“Thank you,” she responded before leaning up on the tips of her toes and giving him a kiss.

It was the last thing he was expecting considering her lack of affection up to that point. He froze for a second before he kissed her back and she used the moment to move further into his arms.

One of her hands gripped onto Seth’s back as she opened her mouth to take his lower lip between hers. Her other hand moved slyly and searched for his cell phone. Once her finger felt the cold metal case, she slowly pulled it out of his pocket.

For a second, she almost lost her grip when Seth took her face into his hands to deepen their kiss. She went with it, now knowing for sure that he had no awareness of anything other than their kiss. His phone fit into her palm and she slid it up her jacket sleeve.

It was her objective but she didn’t pull away from Seth immediately. She did try to slow the kiss which eventually coaxed the man to do the same. With a gentle rub against his chest, she put some distance between them.

His eyes were clouded with an emotion she didn’t want to see from him. Still, she managed a smile and silently prayed that it appeared real.

“I love you,” she whispered.

Seth’s jaw hung open for a second. When he recollected himself, he replied to her in kind, “I…I love you too. I’ll go talk to my father right now. Don’t you worry…”

Willow kept her smile and nodded in appreciation. She held her hands together in front of her, keeping a good hold on the phone. Even as Seth left the building, she kept her hands there as still as she could even if her heart was ready to burst out of her chest.

When the adrenaline hit, it hit hard.

She rushed into a room by herself and took out the phone. It had a passcode but she knew that already (though she wasn’t one hundred percent sure she could correctly recall it). The one other time she’d had his phone in her hands, he had to reach over and press the numbers in quickly. She’d pretended not to look but she knew—at the moment—it would be vital somehow.

With trembling fingers, she pressed the right sequence and the screen lit up. She felt her eyes become hot and her vision started to blur but she did her best to reel all of that back in.

Willow had to hold the phone with both hands as she listened to the ringing on the other end.

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

“I’d like to report a concentration camp and a lot of unlawful imprisonments. I know the general area but not the exact address…but I’m on a mobile phone so could you track the location?” Her voice audibly shook and there wasn’t much she could do about that.

“If the location is on, that is correct.” There was a pause on the other end. “Can you tell me anymore about the imprisonment you know of?”

“It’s run by Fort Heaven—the cult—and they torture people here and there have been deaths. No one can leave to get help…I stole this phone to call you.”

“Okay, ma’am, please stay calm. We were able to retrieve your location and I am sending word to the police and the EMTs. Until they arrive, keep low and just try to stay safe.”

Willow gulped. “Thank you.”

The line went silent and a few tears fell down and hit the floor. It was impossible to describe how she felt—there was happiness that she knew help was coming but there was also a tremendous amount of anxiety considering all that could go wrong in the meantime.

If she wanted to do everything she could, she’d have to make sure everyone was ready to go the second the police arrived. Knowing what she did of Fort Heaven, she knew they were bound to take extreme measures once they realized what was happening.

Especially Simon.

If he figured out she had anything to do with it, her life would be forfeit.

Willow stuffed Seth’s phone safely into her jacket before making her way to the core of the main building. The guards who were off duty were most likely sleeping so she snuck through the dorm area to get to the main elevator.

She rushed to the room where she had led Russet into just the other day. Outside was a guard with a morose expression.

“Um…Excuse me?” Willow spoke up but kept a decent distance from the man.

He snapped out of a fugue and shook his head. “Yes?”

“Simon the Usurper of Evil asked me to interrogate the heretic in place of the assigned guard. Sorry, I forgot his name but he’s helping his holiness with something rather important.”

Willow watched his face intently and started to feel the relief flood in when it became apparent that the man didn’t care too much as to what or why. He simply stepped to the side.

“Head on in.”

With the guard’s help in unlocking the door, she walked in.

Similar to the last time she was inside, the room was dimly lit and eerily silent with a faint, bitter scent hanging in the air. In the back, alone, and shackled to the wall was Russet.

His hair was down, covering much of his face, and his skin and rags were stained with blood. For a second Willow had an intense fear of him being dead but she saw him move and take a breath.

“…Willow…?” Russet’s voice came out strained and hoarse. “Is that you?”

“Yes,” she whispered back and hurried to his side.

The bloodstains made much more sense as she got closer though she wished she didn’t have to see it. His right hand was wrapped up and it was clear that his fingers had been cut off at the middle knuckle. His thumb was clean off and there was no telling when his hand had last been redressed.

Cuts were visible in several places on his body but nothing looked serious—same with the bruising. Willow’s only big concern besides his hand, was the possibility of internal bleeding but she figured if that had been the case then he’d definitely be dead already.

“I’m getting you out of here,” she said as she used one of her few important keys to free him.

“Is everyone safe?” Russet asked. His arms fell limply at his sides and Willow could tell he had lost a lot of strength.

“Everyone will be soon.”

“Are you sure?” He pressed the issue.

“Don’t worry about it. I won’t let any of you get hurt again,” she responded and led him to the door.

He heavily leaned on her but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. Russet was taller than her but he was fairly thin which was heavily exacerbated by recent circumstances. She opened the door and, immediately, the guard became curious.

“What’s going on?” He asked—more with confusion than suspicion.

Willow looked over to him. “He confessed some interesting things. I’m taking him straight to Simon. He’ll want to hear this.”

“Why not lead him here instead of taking the prisoner to him?”

She shook her head. “The boss’ rules, not mine.”

The guard accepted the answer with surprising ease and shrugged. “Well alright. Need help with him?”

“No—he’s really weak. I’ve got it.”

With that, Willow walked to the elevator with no other run-ins. Her adrenaline was pumping but she took slow steps alongside Russet.

When they stepped into the elevator and the doors closed, the man glanced over at her. He even chuckled under his breath.

“I can’t believe that worked,” Russet mentioned with another chuckle. He could hardly stand and his eyes were heavy but he could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Where there was no hope before, he suddenly felt a small surge of optimism.

#fort heaven #my novel #writeblr #lgbt writers

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strangertheories · 2 years

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In a new interview they said that they're never going to define Will's sexuality. You've said about gay Will being important to you so I thought you'd have something to say about. I'm really pissed off so reassurance would be great hehe

Thanks for the ask. First of all, I don't think he said they'd never define it as he probably hasn't read the script for S5, although admittedly it seems like he's not going to come out in S4. Also even if they never say Will is gay, he can still like Mike. Although I don't know how they'd have that and never bring up him being gay because homophobia and labels exist within the universe or Stranger Things. He's obviously intended to be gay based off of interviews but mostly the show itself. @elkdiaries made a brilliant post with some more optimism about this interview that I recommend checking out. Full disclosure, most of this post is a vent post.

Most viewers think Will is gay by this point and in this season he's pretty obviously into Mike and not into women. They said people thought he was gay in episode 1. In S3 they say he doesn't like girls. And in S4 he's still not into girls and is pretty obviously in to Mike. The whole point of his character this season is to be gay otherwise he's just a possessive friend who did a project on Alan Turing, recoiled at a girl flirting with him and was jealous of his platonic bestie having a girlfriend. I don't think anyone is in denial of him being gay so if they don't address it it'll be super weird and confusing and most audience members would be confused. I never even questioned Will's sexuality like I questioned Byler because I assumed it was very explicit. He could be unlabeled or have a dubious sexuality if it was another character, but Will is pretty clearly intended to be gay, as mentioned in several cast interviews and just by anyone watching the show.

However, I, to quote this anon, am pissed at them not defining Will's sexuality. I hate how they're trying to get woke points by saying 'people don't need labels in 2022'. I agree that people don't need to label themselves, but writing an obviously gay character and baiting him being gay only for you to never address it isn't representing unlabeled people; it's just cowardly. Refusing to have representation in an obviously gay character is NOT PROGRESSIVE. It's not even his label that's up for debate. They're saying you can choose to interpret him as gay or as not grown up. Which is actually so annoying! He's not being immature by not liking the opposite sex, he's being gay... because he is gay!

As you've said, I've spoken at length about how much gay Will means to me. When I went through a really rough time in my life realising I didn't like the opposite sex, I felt really seen by Will. But hey, maybe I just need to grow up and like boys, right? I know I'm being way too salty, but you just know that some queer person online is going to talk about feeling seen in Will only for someone to go along and say they're forcing it and that he's just growing up slowly. It's like people saying Robin could still be bi because she never said the word lesbian. People need to be told explicitly what a character's sexuality is because they will go out of their way to deny it or call it forced or call queer people crazy for thinking something. By leaving that door open, they are robbing people of representation.

And yes, some queer kids don't know they are queer. Some kids are "confused and growing up". Will is not a real child. But real gay teens like me will watch the show and want to see a character who means a lot to them who can help them through this confusing and rough period of their lives. Noah Schnapp said people "reach to put a label on him and just want to know so badly" and there's a reason for that. It's because they want to be able to say that he is like them, not implied to be like them. Them saying Will is a "role model for kids out there who don't know what they're going through" is so disingenuous. Because Will never says he doesn't know what he's going through if they never address it. They're not representing confused kids or unlabeled people when they ignore and refuse to talk about the massive elephant in the room. They're just leaving room for annoying straight people on social media to tell queer fans that they were deluded for ever seeing themselves in this character.

I don't want Will's sexuality to be an interpretation. I want it to be canon. I want him to be in lists of gay characters. I want young queer people to be able to look at him and say 'that is me'. I want gay Will.

#stranger things #stranger things four #byler #stranger theories #stranger things analysis #will byers #st4 #lgbtq #byeler

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formulatrash · 1 year

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f1 shipping gets kind of weird for me to begin with. i have seen people get into HEATED arguments about which ship is better and every time i just think people understand these ships aren't real right? half of these men are publicly in romantic relationships with women. there are a few who go out of their ways to say they won't do certain, really just regular activities that platonic friends could do together, with other men because they don't want to be perceived as gay. and i don't really fault them for that because i see how cruel fans are when drivers show they're accepting and inclusive by voluntarily wearing rainbow symbols or just simply saying they believe in equality, love is love, etc., but idk there's still something so gross about usually straight fans telling me certain drivers are like icons and activists for the LGBTQ+ community due to simply having a PR "relationship" or close friendship with other drivers on the grid. i love a nice sportsmanship moment or genuine friendship moment as much as the next fan, but that isn't "activism." that's doing NOTHING to address or prevent the abuse LGBTQ+ fans receive, especially in f1 spaces, both online and at races.

also idk i hate how every time teams or f1 themselves try to push these ships and bromances, the comments usually range from hateful and discriminatory to outdated stereotypes. and those harmful comments are NEVER deleted by admins. like, okay, cool, that's a really cute carlando or yukierre or whatever photo f1 or mclaren or ferrari or alphatauri has posted, but this does NOTHING for making me feel more accepted when a) it's fictional. it's friendships, some maybe closer than others, but it's not really LGBTQ+ representation. (at least not outwardly. i am not trying to assume anyone's sexual orientation here either, but none of these relationships have been confirmed real, and frankly, i don't think teams would be as open to publicizing these relationships like this if they were real romantic relationships, like some fans believe, due to drawback from homophobic fans, sponsors, etc.). b) how is this supposed to make anyone feel welcome and accepted when half the comments are like "who's the man and who's the woman in that relationship?" (something i fucking hate being asked myself. if i wanted a man in my relationship, i would just fucking be with a man).

idek if this makes sense or if i really even made the point i was trying to make but it bothers me too.

a lot here so, idk, apologies if I don't quite answer it all but I will give a try.

shipping wars in general are pretty weird to me, especially that something that feels so antique (like, Yahoo Groups-era internet) is going stronger than ever today.

that said, I think people who are completely aware it's fiction having some blorbos they like thinking about is also completely harmless. for a lot of people shipping whatever is a source of joy and play and to some extent companionship and it can create lots of good things. humans are meant to think things through by playing and sometimes dressing up the dolls you're doing that with in, I don't know, Star Trek uniforms or F1 racesuits or whatever is just the blorbo seasoning of the week.

it would absolutely nuke my brain to read. uhm, idk, I just looked in the F1 tag and pretty much anything in there as far as I can tell but I think it's fundamentally harmless as something people do, when it's understood as fictional.

that said; I fully get you about the mistaking shipping for activism thing. this actually, oh, let's get deep in the internet lore, used to be a big thing on here about 10 years ago. for whatever reason the Johnlock community went like, big on shipping pride and how it was an important expression of LGBTQ+ identity and inevitably, the loudest advocates were the straightest. cringe.

now, on the one hand I do think there's something to be said for queer interpretations. especially in the rigidly straight mainstreams of sport and media. if you think of reinterpreting the silly, silly world that is F1 as not for straight people then, well. yes, there's something radical to be said for that thought process.

imagining another possibility is a way to realise how absurd the current reality is. and that's good. but pointing at things and saying 'that's gay' when as far as we know it's not isn't that.

appropriating straight people (and many of the drivers have confirmed that is absolutely how they identify) as representation is, well, sometimes I can understand why LGBTQ+ people take crumbs. but when it's in a space where there are none of us then calling that acceptable or suggesting it fixes a huge demographic imbalance it doesn't is obviously a massive problem.

there are very few openly LGBTQ+ people in motorsport. pretending that's not true in reality isn't creating representation. it's fun to think about a world where there was more of us but it shouldn't replace the reality or excuse our absence.

and then there's the cynical marketing.

I've always really hated Jeandré. I know how many LGBTQ+ people were in the Formula E paddock at the time because I was one of them. clearly, JEV and André played into it, as did their team and Formula E but it was always so uncomfortable to me, that this was play-acting in an environment where the real thing would probably have got more of a pass than in any other part of motorsport but still not been treated with pride and acceptance.

it was something that drove engagement. which, god knows, Formula E needs so maybe that should be the next marketing tactic but it was also... not real.

I've said before I found things like all Sky's Carlando segments really uncomfortable. the one where Lando and Carlos took each other on laps and asked each other very dating-oriented questions was just... very uncomfortable. because men can ask each other dating-oriented questions, it shouldn't be a punchline.

to their credit Carlos and Lando actually always deflected any attempt at 'no homo' - they clearly have a very comfortable friendship and they didn't ever seem to get skittish, no matter how weird interviews got. I can respect just sort of seriously looking someone down and saying like, no you blink first if this is gay chicken. if you're trying to ship us, you've got to admit it.

but that didn't make it right. or make it that they were representation. remember when there was that seriously odd blog on here that claimed to be written by marketing specialists and body language analysts that was a transparent attempt to 'prove' carlando was true and both Lando and Carlos' official relationships were fake?

that felt very strange, a new development in motorsport fandom. obviously we all know it happened with One Direction and whatever but I was surprised to see that there was a ship that invested in, in F1. and needless to say, it was completely libellous and incredibly invasive, as well as quite misogynist.

shipping won't help a driver come out. and acting as though it's totally unrealistic that drivers could be in a relationship together obviously ignores the fact that some of them are (Jess and Abbie!)

anyway as a bonus piece of analysis for anyone who got down this far, when did Max/Charles go past the F1 RPF titan that is Simi for number of works??? unbelievable, never thought I'd see the day that was knocked off the top spot by two ships involving Max Verstappen. poor ol' brocedes.

#f1 asks

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furryprovocateur · 9 months

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So if I, a closeted trans man, get cat called, sexually assaulted, called demeaning female based names, simply because I secretly identify as a man I didn't just expirence misogyny? Because I'm a man? Even though all those people perceived me as a woman and treated me like such? Just tying to work my way through your weird gatekeeping of the word "misogyny". If you're perceived as a woman and attacked as such I believe that's expirenceing "misogyny" regardless of what gender you identify as. Because it's rooted in the hate of woman, so anyone who can be perceived as a woman can expirence that hate. That make sense?

oh my god since i still am getting anons about this i am going to clarify my stance so that way we can put this to bed <- knows that this will likely never stop

when i said "trans men do not experience misogyny", what i was saying is that trans men are not women therefore when they experience anything misogynist, it is rooted in the hate of women, not in the hate of them specifically. so when a man does something misogynist to a trans man, it's still oppressive (I HAVE NEVER DENIED THIS), it is still something that is harming them (I HAVE NEVER DENIED THIS), it just is rooted in misogyny, which trans men are not the targeted recipient of. anything related to statements calling trans men women or otherwise intentionally misgendering falls under transphobia rather than misogyny.

the common referent people use to argue the opposite is "trans men still have to navigate planned parenthood, obgyns, etc. and restricting access to that is being affected by misogyny". i do think that restricting access to abortion or birth control or anything along those lines is evil and rooted in misogyny, and i'm not denying that trans men obviously get affected by this. i just do not think this suddenly means that trans men are women who are affected by misogyny because they happen to be caught in the crossfire of misogyny. i could give you a thousand and twelve examples of how cis men can potentially be caught in a situation where misogyny has impacted them in a negative way. that does not suddenly mean cis men experience misogyny, in my opinion.

"because it's rooted in the hate of woman, so anyone who can be perceived as a woman can experience that hate" is a statement i do not agree with. i feel like this is a very online topic (that again, i largely regret even tossing my hat into the ring because the lion's share of takes have agreed with me up to a point and the point where we disagree is truly not worth this level of debate imo!) because ultimately these negative things occur and we're splitting hairs over what to call it. i think it's more important to identify what the axis of oppression/bigotry is and identify the ways in which it's proliferated than to worry about whether or not someone experiences it. do i really care if we call a cishet man being fagbashed a victim of homophobia or not? not really, i'd rather we focus more of our energy on something more productive. again, it is my mistake for even opening this bag of worms because i didn't realize (at 3 am when i made the initial reblog) how unnecessarily divisive this would be when we all agree on fundamentally the same points (trans men experience oppression, this oppression is bad).

please read this in the most generous tone you can. keep in mind: if you disagree, that's fine, i'm not going to like, get really mad and have cartoon levels of steam blow out my ears. i am not trying to belittle or demean trans men, i am (very obviously) not a terf, and i would greatly appreciate it if we all, as adults, agreed (or agreed to disagree) and moved on.

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coralsgrimes · 1 year

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So I’m honestly asking because I have no clue what you are referring to. Why do you hate Ben Barnes so much? You seem to keep referring to things he did but you didn’t say what. I’m confused but I really have no idea what these bad things are and would like to find out.

Ye really do make me typing like a madman today lol

Said it a million times and I don't hate Benny Boy. Imma just disappointed and also hate is a strong word and I neither have the time nor am I 12 to hate someone online lol

I don't say what he was fucking up cuz this blog is mostly our own lil pond and I generally assume that everyone swimming here should know by now x.x also I've been repeating myself over and over about all of this shite. Scroll waaaay down lol

But since I'm typing...

So the thingies that I personally find to be hurtful, the fangirls been putting a flaming sword up me ass when I mention them. Can ye believe???

The first thing is obvi the half naked photoshoot in a pool, with a minor! which he called romantic! done by a photographer who he called his friend and who also photographed Sofia Richie aged 14/15 like she was a on a cover of the hustler.

Then we have his ongoing association, PUBLIC ASSOCIATION, with a circle of friends that includes scientologist, racists, sex pests, people protecting and vouching for the sex pests some of them currently on trial, also women who engage in victim blaming publicly, and not so surprisingly a cult leader wannabes are in that crowd as well. And again, this are not some fandom connect the dots allegations. This is all a open public we been friends for years said out loud.

And the next thing, that me thinks had broken the Benny spell completely, was his 'crisis in Ukraine' insta post from last April (featuring choose love... cuz why not). The obvious months wait for a fucking t-shirt to arrive, sunny day happy photoshoot and advertisement friendly language so that instagram won't cut his visibility so everyone could see what a great chap he is! The bare minimum, the bad taste, the quick edit of the post after he been called out and obvi the radio silence since.

Oh coral but it's not like he the worst person in the fucking world. Like no he's not but the picture he tries to paint of himself is cracking and showing how fucking fake it is... No surprise tho he a celebrity and british after all x.x

In other thingies, he obvi a bestie with Jules who i have personal beef with completely outside of Benny.

Speaking of her, the very possible possibility that he been having an affair with a married woman is kind of wow okay something if ye ask me. Then we have his music which should be classified as a dangerous especially for aquatic life (🪸), young and elderly and everyone else.

Yesh I know celebs are fake but he is just... The fakest at this point?? Like so obviously fake without a drop of genuine intentions, just doing this to secure his cushy life.

Oh and while we still at around twin flames orbit. The pandemic... Stay home be a good boy, but not me!! I am Benjamin Barnes and I shall do the opposite and then gaslight gatekeep...

I can go into/list more irks honestly but that's just ye know being petty and cherry picking kind of. Ye know I say I hate his look at me imma an activist reposts but other peeps are glad he 'spoken out' about the issue. Then there are his fandom games and basically begging his fangirls to baby him like when he's called out... He can't take responsibility for anything (pandemic travel anyone??) and he won't take direct and decisive stand on anything ever (not even saying world issues, I mean his so called FEMALE friends that needed strong public support but he stayed silent) cuz as long as he is bland and pleases everyone he is cool he is safe.

And at the end of the day what he does is he covers up, avoids and baits with something else hoping that the air clears. Here we should look at his 'brother' Chris D'Elia. He was sniffing around him at a time he was assaulting several women, Benny at the same time was dating a wannabe model in her early 20s... Allegations about D'Elia circled around for years but no one dared to speak loudly cuz he was SOMEONE. Then shit hits the fan and what our dear boy Benny does??? He, with a speed of a lightning, deletes covers up blocks gets rid off any obvious connection to his so called brother. Case closed.

Also like his enormous ego and the obsession to cover up his private life like crazy, that kinda sus and not healthy I want a private life but again it's just me lol

Would link me old posts but I'm on the mobile app and it's like so hard to find all that shite. There are more details in them old posts if ye as interested. But this is the crash course into Benny Boy by Coral lol

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kirazdaha · 1 year

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HAHAHAHA Every Turk Family has one of those names and unironically mine does too 🫡 Tell your mother thank you she is a very lovely lady

I know all of the artists you listed below because my dad blasts them on the radio everytime we go out... I call it old people music but hey I never said it was bad, they're awesome and I might have memorised some of the artist's songs from how much I listen to them... Barış Manço is a classic without a doubt! Fun fact my parents were able to go to his concert and got a signed picture with him I will always envy how lucky they were 😭 I love how women in the industry made the most iconic songs I hear them often in weddings too! Or clubs, even though I only went to one once I'm not very fond of them...

My questions were do you have any tips or inspiration with how you draw! I love your art and artstyle and it's honestly what I've been trying to achieve for a while, I can't believe I'm learning how to draw men because of a silly lawyer show it's a disease...

(We are just having a conversation at this point) (I feel like those people who speak out loud in public) (I hope you and anyone who's reading this is having a good day :) be kind to yourself and others everyone)

OH MY GOD i envy them too😭😭 also omg that sounds like heaven to me. the other day i went out partying and i felt sooo out of place because i only knew like 3 songs. omg it was so so bad.

hmmm tips and inspiration…. my number 1 tip would definitely be to look at a lot of other artists you like and analyze what exactly you like. and then try to emulate that in your own work. i try to look for inspiration everywhere - artists online, traditional artists, old masters, 3d artists, even theatre and poetry, etc. - doesnt mean that i am equally inspired by them all (because all these things at once sound so scary and big but they really arent!) but rather, i try to be open for anything and that helps me find inspiration :)

ill try to explain my thoughts more under the cut because this got long:

for me for example, so far i only posted some art i made that was lined (which, i would say makes up maybe half of the art i draw - i mostly sketch and recently have been building up the courage to paint more) and one of my inspirations is meltow. i think if you go over and check out their art youll definitely see it lol. but also i love the clean look some comics have and my friends tell me my art looks like it belongs in a comic which, i guess yeah :) when it comes to colors and composition i LOVE this artists works. i still have a lot to learn and just looking at their works inspires me so much!!!

i will say i have ALWAYS struggled with lineart. its probably the worst thing in the world to me because it never feels right!!! i like lining on paper with harsh inks and stiff ink nibs that allow for like. very little variety in line weight, but i havent done that in over 3 years (i hope i can get back to that). but yes, something about lineart makes me feel so icky when i use any brush that reacts to the pressure you put on your tablet LOL i just hate it. ugh. i havent been able to work it out.

it was only in 2020 i think that i decided to try it out with a thick brush with some texture and no pen pressure. that probably was the first time i got actual lineart that (at the time) i liked done. and then later on, discovering that other artists are able to achieve beautiful drawings with similar brushes AND that lining with a very simple brush can feel so satisfying helped me evolve a lot! until 2022, i actually wasnt able to give my art the kind of finished look that i wanted. so what people consider my style is really just born out of my limits and working with them. that obviously doesnt mean that i dont try to challenge myself as much as i can. i do and i think everyone should! thats what makes art so fun

if theres any good advice i can give to a beginner itd probaaaaably be. okay this is difficult and i feel like im not really qualified for this. as a hobbyist much less so because a lot of the knowledge and skills i acquired was through an intuitive process (i could never stick with habits such as regular studies or warmups or whatever is meant to be good for you) which definitely isnt the most “productive” way but i mean it doesnt have to be. its just a hobby! you dont have to perfect art. but yes, i would definitely say dont stop drawing. youll always be your harshest critic and at the beginning, and especially if you begin at an older age because youve been training your eye your whole life but your drawing skills for only a relatively short time you will notice a lot of mistakes. and youll think you wont achieve the image you have in your head. and maybe you wont (because youll always strive for more and youll never really be satisfied as an artist bla bla) for a while. but you have to keep drawing! try out different strategies, find out how other artists draw, watch speedpaints, try out different papers and pencils, try everything that makes it more fun and keep going! it will all pay off!!

in my eyes theres also no point in saying “i should wait till im better to draw this idea i have” because if inspiration strikes you you should use that. even though i still sometimes catch myself thinking like that. you can always redraw things later on!! if theres anything that will keep you drawing you should use that! like getting into shows and games that make me want to draw helps a ton LOL people are not joking when they say getting obsessed with one character is the quickest way to improve. i 100% agree!!! if you saw my first nachos you wouldnt even recognize him. not kidding wow this got long. thank you for the questions though!! i hope some of my rambling can help you. feel free to talk to me whenever!

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transformatives · 13 days

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Blogging BookTok

Do you know what I mean when I say “Forbidden romance, Enemies-To-Lovers, Golden Retriever Boy x Black Cat Girl, Mafia Husband, Touch-Her-You-Die, 5 Chili Peppers Book”? If you do, then you’ve probably spent some time on the bookish side of TikTok, known synonymously as “BookTok”. But if you don’t, then you’re probably wondering what these phrases have in common, and after knowing that it has something to do with reading, then you’re probably also wondering what the actual plot of this book is.

This way of talking about a book is one of the most popular ways of advertising on BookTok, when a fan of a book will describe a story through its use of tropes, cliches, and sexual content. In this context, “5 Chili Peppers” equals high sexual content, which represents another form of self censorship on TikTok where users replace words like “sexual content” with “chili peppers” in order to supposedly bypass shadow banning. There is not yet strong evidence that this actually works, which results in an interesting soup of synonyms for adult terminology. If users are actually shadow banned for directly speaking about adult content, then BookTok is right for using the spice scale, as it is chock-full of adult content.

One of the main criticisms of BookTok is their prioritization of sexual content in their favorite books. If you scroll on the hashtag, you’ll find that a large percentage of the videos made include spice ratings or readers raving about who’s the hottest “book boyfriend”. Like any other online fandom, BookTok has a variety of perspectives, but time and time again it seems that only the sexual aspects are focused on by external viewers. I’d like to make the argument that this is both another example of society’s distaste for women expressing their sexualities.

People will often describe BookTok as if women reading erotica and discussing it with their peers is a new phenomenon, rather than a practice going back to ancient times. Think of all the jokes in media about middle-aged women writing erotica in their free time (shout out to Ms. Perky from 10 Things I Hate About You!) or your aunt’s collection of trashy paperbacks with titles like “The Devil’s Gift”. Cultural studies scholar Janice Radway writes about this in her book “Reading the Romance”, in which she interviews romance book readers in a 1980s Midwestern town and provides her own social theories for why women read romance novels and why they prefer certain tropes. Radway writes that, “Romance reading…constitutes a temporary ‘declaration of independence’ from the social roles of wife and mother. By placing the barrier of the book between themselves and their families, these women reserve a special space and time for themselves alone.” In a world where women are expected to be the passive object of sexual attention but incapable of their own desires, having a safe place to explore sexuality and discuss with other women is a necessity. Open discussion, especially in online platforms such as TikTok, normalizes such things. In addition to that, the simplistic writing style of many romance novels makes it easily accessible, especially to people seeking escape from their regular lives as simply wives and mothers.

However, this does not exempt BookTok from criticism. Although BookTok can be a good place for women to discuss their favorite novels and express themselves, there is something to be said about the homogeneity of BookTok novels. These books often prioritize sexual context. This is not a bad thing, but some critics have raised concerns about younger audiences being exposed to a large amount of adult content packaged in bright pastel covers. The trend of erotica leans to more unrealistic scenarios, with a particular penchant for tropes that blur the lines of consent and safety. Some books even forgo consent overall. One that you’ll find on a lot of Barnes and Noble “BookTok” tables is “Haunting Adeline”, a book where a man stalks and repeatedly sexually assaults a woman (despite the fact that he apparently runs an underground organization that aims to end human trafficking). This, according to book fans, could be forgiven if only the writing wasn’t terrible. A top Goodreads review reads, “I've always defended writing in the contemporary romance genre….But I've probably never read a book with worse writing than this.” In this we can see the main issue, which is not that popular BookTok books address mature content, but rather that they often handle it poorly and fans don’t want to engage with the content constructively.

There is nothing wrong with escapism, but too often it goes hand in hand with a defensive stance that separates more than it unites. Minorities have spoken out about the lack of diversity in what BookTok promotes, where every new hot novel is about a quirky white woman with spunk falling in love with a stoic, tall, black-haired white man (shout out Ali Hazelwood). Cliqueness is another issue plaguing BookTok, one that is unfortunately racially charged at times. There’s a stubbornness within BookTok fans. Some people will even take the stance that any criticism against the romance genre is anti feminist, without realizing the irony in such a statement.

Such discourse (or lack thereof) is indicative of a wider movement of anti intellectualism in recent media consumption. It seems that there are only two ways to interact with pieces of media. One way is to point to any problematic element within it and deem it irredeemable, regardless of if it is included to serve a narrative purpose. The other way is to decide that you love it and will defend it to the end of the earth without budging ever. Both approaches are a detriment to facilitating actual, in depth, critical discussion about media. Online spaces such as BookTok can be a tool to engage in these conversations about sexuality and gender, but only if people are willing to discuss, rather than just scream their opinions into the void.

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ramp-it-up · 3 years

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The One

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warmings: 18+, Minors DNI. Curate your own experience. Cursing, drinking, running, a raging argument in an established relationship, name calling, taunting, drunken raging, Twitter. SMUT, explicit, rough sex, fingering, tit slapping, orgasm denial, spitting, oral sex (mostly female receiving). Also, I’m sleepy. 😴

A/N: Not proofread. Also, I know very little about Chris and Jenny, and have no real opinion about their relationship. I made up the scenario about what happened there for the purposes of the story. THANKS FOR 400 FOLLOWERS TONIGHT! 🥳🎉🎊🍾👏🏽🎈

This fic is based on the following ask:

Anonymous asked:

Imagine idea :

Chris is drunk after a fight with the reader. He was On Twitter and saw some pics with Jenny and when the reader comes in he screams at her and says that Jenny was the one and not the reader. The reader get sad because she was always kind of insecure about the age gap with Chris. The day after he didn’t know what he says and she don’t say anything because she got the feeling that he was right. But one thing both didn’t noticed that Chris was drunk calling Scott and he knows everything Chris says and drive to Chris to give him a good clamp ahahhaha Chris was drunk and Just mentioned her name because he saw a post with Jenny.

------------------

It had been the perfect day.

You slept in, then had a late brunch at home.

You saw a message from Chris’ former co-star, Heidi, light up his phone that he’d plugged in on the kitchen counter when you two were tidying up.

You wondered why he was texting the bitch even after you told him that she wanted him. And after he agreed to cut off contact out of respect for you.

Heated, you didn’t even look around before you picked it up, put in his code and read a string of friendly, if not borderline flirty, texts.

Chris walked in the kitchen, caught you, and yelled at you for being in his phone.

“What the hell is going on?”

“Exactly! What is going on, Chris. I thought we talked about this?”

Chris rolled his eyes. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh, it’s a big fucking deal.”

You threw his phone on the marble countertop, which caused Chris to pick it up to see if it was cracked. Your temper was too much.

“We’re just friends! She knows we’re together, y/n!”

You rolled your eyes.

“And I know women, Chris. That doesn’t fucking matter to her. Sometimes you’re so oblivious. Or act like you are.” You huffed and rolled your eyes.

“I know you want to leave me for someone more glamorous and beautiful. Someone who will put up with your shit, everyone the media says you’re fucking. Go ahead and just do it!”

Chris’s temper was really rising now. You could tell as the red creeped up his chest to his neck.

“Stop fucking saying that!” Chris was screaming now. “Is that what you want? To end it? Because you don’t have to make me do it. If you want to leave, just leave.”

You said shit like that a lot. And it scared and angered him. He wanted to know if you were trying to make him break up with you so you would be free.

“Why are you being such a fucking…” Chris stopped himself. He knew better than to call you out of your name.

Your head almost spun around. You smiled evilly.

“Go ahead, say what you wanna say, Chris. Or are you scared?”

Chris exploded. “A fucking BITCH.” He was shaking because you went there.

“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not fucking anyone else!”

Chris lost it and punched the wall, making a hole in the drywall and definitely injuring his hand.

You just stood there with your mouth open and in silence. You went toward him to look at his hand, and he just put both of them up, backing away from you and going to the liquor cabinet.

He retreated to the deck with a bottle of Jameson’s. He wanted to dull the pain, in his hand, and in his heart. He hated when you hurt each other.

You understood that you both crossed the line, so you let him be. You went upstairs to change into your running clothes to get out and clear your head.

Chris settled on a deck lounger, started drinking from the bottle and got online, which is never a good thing, but he needed something to distract him. He started reading tweets about himself, and following a thread of Chris + Jenny stans.

The more he drank, the more he started reminiscing.

There were good times. He was happy. Mostly. He thought she was the one. Sometimes. But she broke his heart. He was just a rebound.

Her handsome arm candy.

Then he thought of you. His heart melted; you really loved him. He was sure of it. But loving him was hard. He realized that you felt the same way about him that he felt about Jenny. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Insecure.

And you had good reason to be. Everything you’d said about women coming after him was true. But what you didn’t realize is that since he’d met you other women didn’t matter to him.

You were the one, not Jenny.

Chris began to get melancholy. He’d fucked up. You were nothing but good to him and you just asked him to respect you and listen to your feelings. He’d ignored that.

Shit, why did he yell at you like that?

He went to erase Heidi’s contact and block her number. He was confident that you were never going to throw him away like Jenny did. She was the one who’d hurt him. Not you. Never you. He recognized that you wouldn’t ever hurt him on purpose.

His mind was racing with how to apologize when you came back. He was an idiot. The pain in his heart was replaced with regret and his hand had slowed to a dull throb.

But then 30 minutes turned to 3 hours, and by the time you got back, the bottle was empty and Chris’s eyes were red with rage and worry.

Maybe you were just like Jenny after all.

--------

You ran, and then went to get some coffee. You ran into Shelby at the cafe and distracted yourself with mindless chatter, then walked back. You were ready to apologize by the time you opened the door.

When he heard the door, Chris picked up his phone and met you in the living room. He was obviously shitfaced.

“WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?”

Chris’s voice boomed throughout the house and you jumped. Then you just stood there, shocked at his outburst.

“The hell are you talking to me like that?”

He was unsteady on his feet. He leaned toward you, and you could tell that someone was spinning the room for him.

“I don’t want it to be you!”

He had to let you know that he knew that you wouldn’t be the one to hurt him. Chris pointed his phone at you.

“You’re not the one. Jenny’s the only one. Not you! Not ever you!”

You couldn’t believe your ears. But then again you could. It was what you were afraid of. You were head over heels. And Chris could find someone on his level. Like Jenny.

“Well, Fuck You very much, Chris.”

You brushed your tears away and ran past him up the stairs to the bedroom, locking the door and crying your eyes out. You got out your suitcase.

----

Chris started up after you, calling your name, and then suddenly needed to duck in the downstairs bathroom to throw up.

He tried to make it up the stairs and had to sit down on the floor near the bottom. Then, he needed to lay down just for a minute.

The next thing Chris knew, it was morning, and he woke up to a pounding on the door and in his head. He rolled over on the floor, and something stabbed him in the side.

Groaning, he reached down and saw your keys to his house, his cars, and his life, all on the Tiffany heart keychain he’d given them to you. He was staring at them, confused, when Scott opened the door with his key.

“There he is. My brother. The fuck up.”

Chris groaned again, sat up on the bottom stair and held his head.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Nevermind me. It’s not often I get to say that, only when you publish your dick pic to the internet or you RUN OFF THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU!”

Chris winced when Scott yelled, his head a pounding mass of meat wrapped in fuzzy cotton.

He didn’t understand why he was being tortured and he didn’t understand why his hand hurt. He looked at it, all bruised up, and the keys inside it.

“Just tell me, Scott. Why are you here?”

Scott leaned up against the door.

“Did you know you drunk dialed me last night?”

Chris looked up at Scott, and his face was a sight as his brother told him what he’d said to you.

“Fuuuuuck me!” He put his head in his hands again.

“I don’t know if she ever will again,” Scott joked, but Chris didn’t laugh.

“I called her after you apparently passed out and wouldn't pick up your phone. She was ready to catch an early morning flight, but I convinced her to sleep in today and leave tomorrow.”

Chris moved his hands down from his eyes and stared out the patio doors, trying to think.

“I put her up in the Four Seasons, on your dime of course. Room 6145. Penthouse. Could be pretty romantic. If she were in that kind of mood.”

Chris looked up at Scott, smiled weakly, jumped up and hugged him, then made for the door. Scott jumped in front of him.

“Trust me, you’ll want to get some water and coffee in you, and shower and brush your teeth. You look and smell like shit.”

“Right.” Chris nodded, flexing his hand. He could still move it. He was glad it wasn’t broken. “Thanks, bro.”

“No problem.” Scott walked into the bathroom as Chris went to the kitchen, groaning when he saw the hole in the wall. He’d have to ask Scott to get it fixed before you saw it again.

If he could convince you to come back.

----

It was 11 am, and Scott had verified that you were still in the room. Chris just stood there, nervous and terrified that you were just going to be done with him.

Room service came and headed toward your door. Chris waved them down and when they saw his face, they stopped in their tracks, shocked.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?”

----

You climbed out of the wonderful deep jetted tub, having soaked until the water got cold and your fingers were wrinkled. You pulled on the plush Four Seasons terry cloth robe that was provided with the suite.

You felt calmer than last night, and after some sleep and relaxation, you realized that you’d been a fool to think that Chris would want you forever like you thought.

It was for the best that you leave and start over, to focus on your consulting business and yourself for a while.

You opened the door with a smile on your face for the attendant, and you let them into the room, your back turned to the door while they brought the cart in. You turned back around and there was Chris.

You grew heated, and your heart began to race while the attendant scurried out. Chris’s face was a welcome sight, but you were still angry.

There you were, looking so beautiful, curls tied up in your favorite silk scarf, cocoa skin radiant in a white fluffy robe. You should have been comfortable, but your eyes were wide and scared.

He’d done this to you.

“Fuck, y/n… I…”

You interrupted him.

“You’ve got some mutha fuckin nerve. How dare you just run up in here, using that fucking face,” you flung your hand up, “using who you are to get into my room. How did you even know where…?”

Your mouth dropped open at the realization of what Scott had done. You turned on your heel to get your things. You didn’t care that you were naked under your robe. You didn’t care that you still loved Chris. You were out. This second.

Chris moved to block you from entering the bedroom of the suite. You tried to push past him, all 5’ 4” of you versus 6 feet of him.

“Move, Chris!”

You glared up at him, your body responding to him in ways you weren’t prepared to admit. You were betrayed by your pussy.

“I just want you to listen to me. Then you can leave, stay, do whatever you want. Just hear me out.”

You and him physically was always the shit. His arms across his chest did things to you But you kept mean mugging him, making him hard for you.

You stepped back and said, “Okay. You have 10 minutes. Then I’m out, Chris.”

You paced back to the couch in the living room of the suite, watching him warily.

Chris paced in front of you, making it inevitable that you follow his lean form back and forth across the carpet. You noticed that his hand was bandaged and that he kept flexing it.

You hoped it wasn’t broken. No matter what, you cared what happened to him. You would always love him. Even if it was the end of your relationship.

“First of all, I’m sorry. My anger got the best of me, and I was violent and that is never acceptable. Even though I didn’t touch you, it’s not ok, and I know it was intimidating. I take responsibility.”

He stopped and looked at you, you melted a little, but you didn’t give any outward sign. Being a business owner taught you a mean poker face.

But the shirt he was wearing made his true blue eyes pop and you could see a hint of his chain around his neck under the fitted henley.

You suppressed a shiver at the memory of the things you did to have that chain and medallion wave in your face, to have it clenched between your teeth as Chris had his way with you, and you with him.

You focused on him, pointedly looking at your watch. Chris’ anxiety peaked when he saw that.

He stepped toward you and thought that he recognized the look in your eyes. He was almost sure that you still wanted him, sure that you still cared. He could only hope as he came closer.

“And then I started drinking. And while you were gone, I came across some posts about me and Jenny. And it took me back there.”

At those words, you crossed your arms and averted your eyes, defenses up. You didn’t want to hear about how much he loved Jenny.

Then, Chris swiftly moved to sit on his haunches, becoming eye level with you.

“And I realized that she never really loved me. Not like you loved me.”

Chris speaking about your love in the past tense made you a little angry and you stared him in the eyes.

It was just the reaction he hoped for. Your attitude. He loved it. He hid a smirk so that he could continue, but you saw the glimmer in his eyes. And you rolled yours.

Chris then picked up the sash to your robe and started playing with it, your eyes drawn to his thick fingers. You didn’t know why that was getting you hot, but it was. You opened your mouth to breathe.

Chris’s voice cracked when he said. “And to me she was the mountaintop. Another, different kind of conquest. But I realized that I never really loved her. Not like I love you.”

Present tense.

Now you were looking into his eyes, about to fall into them. Shit. He had you hooked. But then you remembered, and drew back.

“Yeah, I know what I said, but what I was trying to express was that I know it could never be you to hurt me like Jenny did. That I didn’t want you to hurt me like she did. Not when I’ve thought about forever…”

He moved even closer. “I mean forever, forever, with you.”

All of a sudden you couldn’t breathe. Chris got on his knees.

“I want to be in this position again with you one day. One day soon. But not like this. I don’t want it to be to try to get you back. I want us to be good.”

He sighed, pensive. “I want you to be smiling and happy, and even have our families there.”

You don’t know how your face looked at that moment, but Chris started smiling at you. You were so beautiful to him right now.

“I was drunk, and I couldn’t use my words correctly. I yelled and I screamed and I punched the wall. I fucked up and may have lost you forever, but I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.”

You felt yourself get emotional, but you tried to calm down.

“I’m just so fucking scared that you will get tired of all the bullshit that comes with me and leave… and I absolutely wouldn’t blame you. But there’s no one else, y/n. No one else can compare…”

“Chris…”

You raised your hand to his face, eyes searching his. You could tell he was being honest.

Chris grabbed your hand and started kissing your palm.

“So.” He looked at you with those eyes. “Is this goodbye?…” His lips were giving you shivers. “Or hello again? Can we start over?”

Chris trailed his lips from your palm, to the pulse point at your wrists and lingered there, licking the delicate skin. Then he moved up your arm to the opening in the robe.

He pushed his torso in between your legs and leaned into your neck, inhaling the lavender bath oil that was your favorite. And his, too.

He moaned as you leaned your head to the side, giving him access. But he didn't just want the physical. He breathed into the shell of your ear.

“Please come home, baby…”

You just moaned as he started sucking right below your ear, your spot. Desire took over for Chris when he heard your sounds.

“Fuck it. I can tell that you still want me. If this is goodbye, then I’m going to make it worth your time.”

Your back arched and Chris palmed your bounteous ass over the robe, pulling you flush to his crotch. He smiled as he felt the warmth coming from you.

“You’re so fucking warm, babe. Are you wet, too? Are you wet for me? Do you want my cock? I mean, do you want your thick, fat, cock to fuck you babe?”

Chris was kissing down your neck into the cleavage that the robe was revealing with each sentence as you opened your legs. Your pussy was quivering for him, but you still didn’t answer him.

Chris looked up at you with those eyes and pulled on the robe sash. It fell open and he looked down and bit his lip, taking in your warm skin, lovely breasts, and elegant pussy, with the manicured triangle of hair kept like he preferred, and offered up for his taking.

You still looked like his girl, and he smiled as he looked up into your eyes. But he had to be certain. He lowered his head, keeping eye contact and descended toward one small hard mountain peak, kissing it gently, tentatively, while watching you.

You were mesmerized as his tongue peeked out and licked it, then he opened his lips and enveloped it, moistening it with his pink lips.

The look on your face compelled him, and he fully enveloped your nipple and started sucking roughly, still keeping eye contact. You were determined not to close your eyes, but it was difficult. You bit your lip to stay still.

Chris’s bandaged hand was dangerous, however, and it came up to pinch and roll your other nipple. You arched into his hand as he became rougher and rougher.

He switched nipples and hands and his saliva made your breast that much more pliable and sensitive. He slapped it, and then rubbed it with the rough bandage, making you cry out and moan as his other hand trailed down your body to your cunt.

“This pussy will still be mine, even if you leave me.” He smiled cockily while looking down on it.

He looked at you, before lifting his hand to his mouth, looking straight into your eyes and spitting on his fingers before bringing them down to your cunt.

“I think, that if even if you leave and move back to Houston, and I come to town, that if I I call you, even if you’re with someone else, you would meet me in a parking lot and let me fuck you over the hood of my rental car.”

He was faintly tracing your pussy lips and instantly your control was gone. You were sopping wet, because of his words and because of the knowledge that what he was saying was the truth.

“Oh,” was all you could say. You were adding to the wetness of the saliva on his fingers.

Chris smiled and tilted his head as his two thick digits breached your opening. He had his answer as you threw your head back and let him finger fuck you while he rolled and slapped and pinched your nipple.

His thumb was lightly brushing your clit and you wanted so much more. Chris could sense that and he pressed down roughly on it, causing an electric jolt up your body, which you keened for, arching your body into his hand.

Chris moved his hand from your breast to your neck and applied the pressure that you wanted and needed and that he was expert at while he stuffed another finger inside you and circled your clit with his thumb.

You floated among the clouds as you came like fireworks, and all over his hand.

He watched you come undone, and come down, rubbing his hard cock through his pants with one hand while he sucked your juices off his fingers, releasing each with a loud pop. When you opened your eyes, you smiled.

You pulled his hand and started licking yourself off him, flattening your tongue against his palm.

“I forgive you Chris. I forgave you when you conned your way into my room, you ass.”

You smiled against his hand as he groaned, relieved and desperate for you.

“But you still have some work to do.”

“What do you want? Anything.”

Now Chris was breathless, anticipating payback.

“First, you need to take those damn clothes off.”

He quickly moved to take off his shirt, and then stood up to take off his pants. You smirked as hs cock sprang up immediately when he peeled them down. He wasn’t wearing underwear.

Chris caught your look.

“What? I wanted to be prepared.” He chuckled softly while pumping his cock lightly, expecting to immediately fuck you.

He moved toward you. But you quickly moved off the couch and into the bedroom, forcing him to follow you, and his dick, into the other room.

You sat on the edge of the bed as he remained standing.

“What do you need, babe?”

You reached for his cock and tugged it toward you, opening your mouth and deep throating it, wetting it from root to tip and then spit on it. Chris moaned as you started to stroke. Then you stopped.

“I need you to jack off for me.”

“Ugh! You’re so fucking nasty. I love you.”

Chris instantly started where you left off. This didn’t seem like work.

You leaned back on your elbows, watching him, and licking your lips.

“And I need for you not to stop, and not to come. Until I tell you.”

You looked him in the eye and that was when Chris knew he was doomed. A chill ran down his spine as you reached down and started playing with your pussy.

“Fuck!”

You looked so damn good. He licked his lips and stroked harder and faster, his balls drawing up already.

“Shit, y/n.”

You watched his eyes, and got wetter at his blown pupils and glazed look.

“You like that?”

“Fuck yeah.”

His voice was broken and desperate. He fisted his cock, and held his balls, trying to stave off the inevitable.

You turned around, got on your knees and reached back between your legs and ran your fingers up and down your slit.

“How about that?”

“Goddamnit!”

Chris grunted as he tried to hold it in. You were a goddess. He licked his lips. Wanting to taste you. So he did.

He dove in, tongue competing with your fingers to command your slit. You finally gave in to his expert mouth and he savored your salty goodness.

“Fuck, Chris, you better still be…”

“I am. Christ.”

He was leaking in his hand, but he had it under control. Barely.

Chris stopped eating you out for a second, grabbed your ass cheek with one hand, stretched you open, spit on your tighter hole, and watched it slide down your satin lips to drip onto the bed.

His warm saliva made your pussy quiver and he watched it lovingly. Then he dove in again.

He sped up his movements with his other hand and you could hear the smooth skin of his dick sliding on his palm while his tongue did forbidden things to you.

“Ffffffuuckkkkkkk! Chrisssss.”

You came, burying your scream in the mattress, and even harder than before. You couldn’t believe that he’d turned the tables on you.

Chris ate you out through your orgasm, holding you down with one hand like it was nothing.

He was god of war, love, and sex, all at once.

Fuck Captain America.

You came again, almost immediately.

When he was done with his meal, he let you go, wiped his mouth with the back of his free hand and stepped back.

“Fuck, what do you want me to do? I can’t take it much longer…” Chris’s sexy growling voice got to you.

“What do you wanna do, Chris? How do you want to take me, Daddy?” Chris’s cock jumped in his hand, he slapped your ass, and watched it jiggle.

Chris entered your wet, wet pussy, and marvel how if felt like it was choking the life out of him. He had to stop moving, or he would burst almost immediately.

“How the fuck are you so wet, but so tight. It’s like a fucking vice grip, geeze.”

You both waited and felt it jump inside you, then Chris reached down, grabbed you by the neck and pulled you upright and flush to his chest.

One hand clutched your throat and the other arm hooked under your leg, allowing him to piston up into you upright while your other leg dangled, your big toe barely touching the ground.

Chris held you and fucked up into you, grunting each time the large mushroom cap head of his cock was stuffed into your pussy.

“Ugh, gatdamn it, you were thinking of leaving, ugh, you wanted to leave this, mmmmmm, this dick that, ugh, that fucks you like this?”

Chris’s mouth was near your ear, which was on his shoulder because your head had fallen back on his chest. He was using you like a sex toy as he fucked you senseless.

His dick slicked in and out of you with obscene wetness, Chris somehow lifting you up and slipping completely out of you and pounding back into you with force.

“Chris!!!”

You started shaking, your center of gravity being where you and he were connected.

He fucked you even harder and faster, chasing his release, but he maneuvered his hand to find your clit, refusing to come before you.

“Fuck! You know you were going to miss this cock that your sweet cunt fits… like… a …mutha …fuckin… glove!”

"Ahhhh!"

You screamed as you fluttered around his cock. He could take only so much before he had to shut his eyes and bite down on your collarbone. Chris’s legs were trembling now.

"Take all of it!." He was hitting your spot. "How does it feel?"

Although the feeling was intense, you tried to speak.

"L-l-l-like h-heav-v-v-ennnnn."

The sound of your voice made his release start to build.

With each of his thrusts, the sweet tightness began to build until you came, screaming and moaning in pleasure.

“Oh shiiiiitttttt!” Chris exploded inside your tight wet cunt. He wanted to fill you up like never before. He wanted to put his baby in you and tie you forever to him. That made his balls empty.

He fell back on the bed, with you on top of him, slipping out of you and depositing you on the bed beside him.

Chris couldn't help but smile as you both came down. He was made for this.

Chris put his hand on your cheek, brushing your beautiful lips with his thumb. You smiled under his attention into his sea blue eyes.

“I love you.” You grinned.

“God, I love you.” You sobered up, taking in the weight of his words.

“Is it weird that I want to get you pregnant before we’re married?”

You made a face.

“Who says I want to marry you?”

Chris scooped you in his arms and rolled you over on top of him.

“You don’t want to marry me? You’d say no if I asked?”

You held in a giggle.

“Nah. I’m gonna move back to Houston and marry someone else so you can come in town and fuck me over the hood of your rental car. That sounds hot as fuck.”

Chris released an anxious breath.

You took his head in your hands.

“Easy now. Ask what you want to ask.” Chris started to speak. You put your finger over his mouth.

“When you want to ask it.” You looked into his eyes again. “I won’t break your heart.”

Chris smiled at you and said, “I know.” He kissed you.

And when you pulled away, breathless, he told you, “You’re the One.”

----------- Read Part Two: It Takes Two

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