#I miss Oakland

[sparklingtapwater]

it’s so easy to fall in love at a my chemical romance show. to fall in love with the people you’re queueing with, platonically infatuated with the way a band can bring together a community of new friends. to hear stories about how far people travelled for four guys who bring comfort and hope to many. to wake up every 40 minutes of the night on the cold concrete, next to people you just met. to overhearing conversations about the band, about the experience, about the excitement your line neighbors feel about seeing this band for the 1st, 5th, or 20th time. falling in love with the ambient sounds of the city and traffic as it dies down and turns into night life, looking up where the stars would be if the sky wasn’t so polluted with artificial light. the way it feels to journey across venue grounds, regroup in line next to your new friends and wait for doors. finally getting inside, only to look to your left and right and see the people that you’ve spent only a short time with happy crying, over barricade, or pit, or buying their first official tour merch. falling in love with the adrenalin rush, and the free flowing tears when the curtain drops. the cathartic feeling of everything you are worried about becoming insignificant in that moment, and in the next, and in the next after that until the lights come back up. the inevitable drop in your gut when you realize it’s over, and then you have to determine what comes next. for me, i’ll wait until the next, and hopefully when the next comes, i’ll get to fall in love all over again.

#this is me rambling #i genuinely just miss the band and the queue so much i am distraught #my writing is bad and i am not stable #god i love this band so much #mcr #my chemical romance #mcr oakland #mine #my writing

[prettyinpunk]

a ridiculously detailed catalogue of matt's guitars for my show*! aka a collection for people who have maybe an unhealthy obsession with Manson guitars

*4/14/23; in order of how excited i was to see them! this isn't necessarily a ranking of how cool i think these guitars are! this ranking is based purely on the amount of deadly chemicals released by my brain upon seeing them.

#10 Matt Black FR(Matt Black Whammy)/Chrome FR(Chrome Whammy)

i'm pairing them first since they're almost identical in build(though the MBFR is in drop D) and i was expecting to see both of them/have seen them used in past shows :)

Chrome Whammy also gets used the most in this era and both of them have given me so much grief when trying to identify these guitars. the dark chrome finish looks SO much like the Matt Black FR under certain stage lighting and it's nearly impossible to tell them apart by hardware, there've been so many times when i confidently think oh hey he's using the Matt Black Whammy but no its Chrome FR. and vice versa. even at certain points during the actual concert i was second guessing myself, they make me feel delusional.

used for: MBFR: Psycho; Chrome Whammy: WOTP, (Interlude)Hysteria, Compliance, Thought Contagion, KOC

#9 Matt Black 3.0

i was excited to see her with visible wear and tear from the obvious, so much so that i specifically took a picture of the broken headstock foregoing any attempt at pretending matt was supposed to be the subject of the picture.

used for: WAFF

#8 M1D1 Stealth

even knowing i would see her, i just got so excited about the kaoss pad. as one does. its a special little joy to see hardware thats so uniquely Muse. like in what other performance are you going to get to see a kaoss pad in a guitar(or bass)!

this picture is a screenshot from my video because ngl most of my image capture for SBH was spent filming dom. for a friend.

used for: SBH

#7 MB-1 Blue(Blue Steel/Blue Beast)

i just think she's sooooo pretty, the blue is such a beautifully rich shade and i love the gloss finish, as much as i love the play on "matt" with the matte guitars, i'm weak to pretty shiny things. it was also so exciting to see her because i really wanted them to play Resistance and when i saw matt with the MB-1 Blue i knew they were going to! (barring the fact that they were alternating every night and i knew that night it was Resistance's turn, for some reason i was still worried we wouldn't get it lmao) i did accidentally call her Bluebell at the time though. which i don't think has been used at all this tour(🥲).

TIRO, Resistance, Madness

#6 Oryx

somehow i neglected to take a picture of her specifically??? i'm really kicking myself because i didn't get any closeups during WSD or KOBK but the whole time i was holding my tongue from talking about her during the show 😭 because who in their right mind wants to hear some random screaming fan yelling about how the Oryx is matt's first Manson with 24 frets during the show 💀 i did get to see him use it earlier this year at my last Muse show which is why i've put it before my #5. but she is so unique and interesting, there are so many cool fun facts about her! i don't know how i didn't get a good shot, i was probably too busy headbanging.

i did get this pretty cool picture from KOBK though 🥲

used for: WSD, KOBK

#5 MB-S Prototype(Verona Sky)

to finish off the trifecta of newbies(2022/2023 additions, barring remodels)! suuuuch a beauty and makes watching Verona just that much more magical! a brand new Manson special for the WOTP era for the most tender moments of the show <3. both Verona and TDS instrumental have a dreamlike energy live, which to me is elevated by the MB-S in her beautiful sunburst orange and strat-style shape. matt was pretty far from us while perched on will's shoulder so i didn't get a great pic of it but i tried! its just such a gentle, almost pensive little moment in the set between two heavy bangers(WAFF/SBH) which i love, it feels oddly intimate in spite of being in a full arena as matt coaxes each note out of the MB-S and it echoes into the open space.

here she is pre and post-confetti shower(she did not come through unscathed)!

used for: Verona, TDS(AR)

#4 Red Alert

since there are three red guitars in use for Uprising this tour, i really didn't know which one we were going to get! the last time i saw them in january, matt used the MA EVO Sustainiac Satin Fire Red, which is fun, but like the other Fire Red, has a matt(e) finish. i was really hoping we would get to see Red Alert and we did!!! she looks like cherry candy i need to take a bite. uh, that is to say. she's very pretty and my eyes sparkle in her presence. and she has a special name which is always important to me. i wouldn't say Red Alert ranks higher than some of the other beauties on this list in terms of how cool i think they are, but since there wasn't a guarantee we'd get to see it, it ranks highly here!

used for: Uprising

#3 Mirror 2.0

notoriously a nightmare to get a good picture of live, what with the whole... mirror finish and all, here she is!! our beloved veteran of the lineup, Mirror Manson <3. what a joy to see her, even though she's not the original. i couldn't confirm which Mirror he was using at the time since they're almost identical, but the fuzz factory knobs are slightly further apart than the OG, and 2.0 is fit with a MBK-1 on the bridge rather than the original Mississippi Queen P90s. not sure if Chrome Fuzz is in the rig for this leg, but theoretically she also had potential to be used here in place of the Mirror, so another happy slight surprise there for Mirror enjoyers. it really is another special little joy to see and hear Plug in Baby with such an iconic guitar, and especially when we get to play call and response with the fuzz factory!

used for: PIB

#2 Chrome Whammy 2.0

now i know it seems like an odd choice to put her here especially considering i had Chrome FR as my #10, but let me explain.

YMMFLIH is one of my favorites on WOTP so as it is, i was already losing it from the moment matt sat down to play the intro(WHICH IM CRAZY ABOUT). about halfway through the second verse, i regained enough mental consciousness to realize matt was using the new Manson Origin Etch pickups on the bridge!!! this was a huge surprise since MuseWiki isn't updated and i had been totally drooling over the pickups on instagram for weeks(months??)(<- still has never touched an electric guitar) so getting to see them in person and being used on stage was SO EXCITING!!! unfortunately by the time i realized, i wasn't able to get a clear picture of the bridge since matt was playing the final chorus. thus began the search for my new white whale.

after the concert, i scoured my pictures and videos for a shot of it, confident that i saw it during Halloween and on the Chrome Whammy. i looked at every picture i had, but found that all my pictures of the Chrome Whammy just had the MBK-2 humbucker on the bridge, so i thought maybe i made my usual mistake and thought it was Chrome when it was actually Matt Black. i checked my pictures of her too and it was the same so at that point i felt like i was going completely mental. i checked every video and picture from the Muse instagram with manic obsession and could only find a tiny glimpse of it in one of the mini clips from a concert reel.

i went back to MuseWiki to see if i could find it there and thats when i realized. it wasn't Chrome Whammy. it was Chrome Whammy 2.0.

live reaction to this realization:

in hindsight i should've realized the guitar matt was using for Halloween had a humbucker on the neck instead of a single coil Sustainiac which is a dead giveaway, hence the above reaction. the problem still remained though, i had no photographic evidence. though MuseWiki reminded me it was 2.0, it still says the bridge is a MBK-2 and the pictures remain un-updated. i had confirmed for now that i was not delusional, but i still didn't have a picture and i wanted so desperately to talk about it. but then my savior appeared right under my nose. my dear friend @domwhoreward found this picture from one of her shows and i was FINALLY VINDICATED!!! HERE SHE IS IN ALL HER GLORY!!!

used for: YMMFLIH

anyway. that brings us to...

#1 HOLOFLAKE MY BELOVED

words cannot describe how absolutely insane i went when i saw her!!! Holoflake is my favorite guitar currently in use(though it's very close with the Black 7-String 2.0), i just love the glittery, glossy black finish so much, it's so pretty!! not only that, but the only song it's being used for this tour is MOTP, the one song i wanted to hear MOST out of all the songs on rotation and one of my favorite muse songs of all time!! it was such a personal moment for me because if they hadn't played MOTP, we wouldn't have gotten to see Holoflake at all. this was my most special moment from my show, i think the guy next to me probably wished i was dead though. this is once again a screenshot of my video since i spent most of it in a manic panic screaming crying and throwing up. its a miracle i was even still alive after that. or anyone within a 5ft radius.

used for: MOTP <3

#long post #<- reeaaally not kidding about that skjdgsdg #also. not sure if this happened at any of y'all's shows but when matt took off the mask after WOTP he had this. #strange little mohawk situation 😭 #it stuck around until after WSD and im ngl it looked so silly lmao #jesus christ why did i say all of this #does anyone even care?? probably not but its important to ME #do i really expect anyone to read ALL THAT?? i shouldn't 💀 #this turned into a set breakdown as well as a guitar manifesto #the only song missing is starlight </3 #and T2LIS technically #umm lmk if i should put a cut in this sjsdks #muse oakland #muse band #muse #matt bellamy #tar.jpg #tar.txt #spent WAY too long on this 💀💀 #my show #manson guitars

[ashtrayfloors]

stuff I bought at City Lights // Oakland, CA

(July 26, 2011)

#jessie lynn mcmains #photography #iphoneography #books #zines #cometbus #doris #autobiographical alley map #aww that is when i discovered starlite motel (aka amber ridenour walker)'s poetry #and fell in love #also one of the things i miss most about living in oakland is being able to go into s.f. at least once a month #especially city lights #god i miss that place #2011 #ashtrayfloors #my photos #another photo unearthed from my old photobucket account

[rotationalsymmetry]

I don’t know if this is what you are looking for exactly, but I enjoy writing for Postcards to Voters because they focus on non-presidential races. I am currently writing postcards against an anti-choice constitutional amendment proposition in Ohio.

I wish more people would do things like that, instead of making posts that guilt trip people for not being excited enough about voting for the Blue sexual harasser instead of the Red one.

Thank you for your highly sensible response.

I guess there's a thing where "just because someone takes 15 seconds to shoot their mouth off online about something that's annoying them doesn't mean they have the time/energy to do anything actually constructive, even more so for the people who took .5 seconds to hit reblog now on someone else's shooting their mouth of post" but I think it would be strictly better for people to spend that .5 second exerting a smidgen of self control and going "either it's actual GOTV or it's not, and if it's not I'm going to not reblog it."

And as the election is over a year away...I don't think "vote blue no matter who" is actually a Get Out The Vote action at this point in time. It's annoying enough when people do it in person but at least then there's occasionally some chance of having a reasonable discussion about it, but on social media between people who don't really know each other? Ha snowball's chance in hell.

(I haven't done Postcards to Voters the last couple years, but I did around 2019-2020 or so and they are fairly low barrier to entry as long as you have stamp money, super introvert friendly, you can be as creative or non-creative as you want to be, and as you can do it from your home on your own schedule pretty darn spoonie friendly as well. As well as covid-safe. And yes, there's a big focus on local/state campaigns, which warms my participatory democracy loving little heart.) (ughh sounds like an important campaign maybe I should pick this thing up again.)

#I did big posts arguing about this in 2000 but I felt crummy afterwards so I'd really rather not rehash all that #it's theoretically and pragmatically wrong on multiple levels #this is the internet you don't get unity #you get two splinter groups arguing the two most extreme ends of the position possible each side convinced that they are 100% right #someone who's a little bit in favor of voting blue no matter who will get downright dogmatic about it #someone who's a little bit against will end up surrounded by anarchists who think voting is a waste of time #which wouldn't be the worst outcome ever #except that as far as I can tell most of the most vocal anarchists on tumblr don't do shit except tear down democratic politicians #like ok glad you think you're right I don't want to have anything to do with you though #there's like 2-3 anarchist posters on here who actually talk about direct action and organizing and stuff -- about things people can do #I guess with the abundance of time freed up by not spending a couple hours doing research and half an hour filling out a ballot #or much much less time than that if they're voting just for the president #yup congrats you sure saved a lot of time there now you have more time to convince other people to not vote either AWESOME GOOD JOB (sarcas #on an unrelated note I really need to work on a following the local news habit #and finding some way to learn more about oakland's history since I live here now #and I know how annoying it can be when someone's trying to be active in local politics but is missing highly important context

[sle3plive]

i’ve been so so many concerts, queued for most shows but mcr was just so different never have i connected with almost 200 people in line so instantaneously, everyone made sleeping in the concrete for 2 days so much more fun and bearable can’t wait to most definitely do it again

#i miss oakland mcr #miss all our friends in line

[alittleillusionmachinee]

Me after not being able to dedicate every waking moment to Fexi Tumblr this weekend 

#fexi #pls excuse the spam likes and reblogs that are undoubtedly about to happen #did the oakland natives come back #did little fez grow a beard #WHAT DID I MISS

[creepinup]

About a week ago I thought I’d take a casual peek at the my chem tour on twitter and now I’m here, a cicada crawling out of the soil

#hi hello what's up ! #i missed blogging and i'm v excited for the oakland show :)

[aridavid]

idgaf about bringing another groups lightstick to a show should i bring my billlie or artms lightstick to the itzy concert

#i shant bring miss high bong for i fear she will get confiscated. oakland arena seems pretty uptight

[fionarara]

still so heartbroken over Angus Cloud. R.I.P. ☁️

#i never actually met him but he was a friend of friends and it is just a wave of anguish in that community rn #i heard he was always an angel-hearted dude too #a friend told me he was like one of the first ppl to head over to the BLM march even at the beginning of covid and saw him there #he was also such an effortlessly natural actor and i was rly looking forward to seeing more of his unpretentious work in the future #this is so tragic #i truly adored his oakland accent :( SO MUCH ah im teary-eyed #damn you will be missed #RIP #➕ara~ara gomen ! #. . #angus cloud

[california-slow-take]

Born from the Black and queer vogue dancing subculture that sprung out of New York City in the ’70s and ’80s, ballroom hit the West Coast in the ’90s, making room for the revered events put on by Oakland To All. Ballroom events were recently popularized by shows like “Pose” and Beyoncé’s “Renaissance” album, and they generally consist of members from various houses competing in categories on a runway before a panel of judges. 

“Shoutout to Fluid510,” Oakland To All co-founder Shireen Rahimi said to the crowd on Saturday, her voice set to a backdrop of thumping ballroom tracks. “Not many spaces are welcoming to events like ours, but this place is new, and they’re happy to have us here.” 

#happy pride 🌈 #oakland #bay area #california #sfgate #by the way if anyone is reading this lol #since i personally left twitter my reading list has been more narrow and i feel like i am missing some breadth of stories #so tag me if you have stuff to share! especially news from outside the bay

[khakilike]

More than a quarter of the way into the 2023 season, the Oakland Athletics are 8-29 with a .216 winning percentage that would supplant the 1962 New York Mets as the worst in baseball history.

Bradford Doolittle and David Schoenfield for ESPN.com, making me wonder how 37 games equals “more than a quarter” of a 162-game season

UPDATE: They changed it to “about a quarter of the way into the 2023 season.” Weird error, and weirder that no one caught it before they published.

#Baseball #Oakland A's #Bradford Doolittle #David Schoenfield #ESPN.com #Quotes #37x4=148 #May 10 is day 41 of a 185-day season #What am I missing? #Sports

[puck-luck]

learning curves | trevor zegras

warnings: inexperienced!reader x experienced!tz, general anziety about having sex for the first time/doing sexual things for the first time, silly goofy sex questions that everyone has but refuses to speak on, conversation about kinks (lasts two seconds because they get derailed almost immediately), handjob, innocence!kink, probably some other stuff i missed. pairing: trevor zegras x inexperienced!reader summary: trevor zegras and his gf have "the talk" wc: 3891

Three dates. It’s been three dates. Your best friend in the world says that it’s after the third date that she considers putting out– but she’s also had sex before, racked up a body count that seems substantial next to yours (yours being a whopping zero and hers being a solid nine). Where you didn’t have boyfriends and were more focused on graduating early so you could start your dream job with the Angels, she seemed happy with the fast-paced, social side of college that afforded her connections and contacts with men of all kinds.

You told her about Trevor when you started dating him, after he brought you to your own baseball game, the last of the season against the Oakland A’s. It had worked out well in his favor, despite the fact that you hadn’t told him about your passion for baseball. Since it was the last of the season, your supervisor had let you take the day off as a reward for all your hard work and had pawned your tasks off to the other members of your team. 

Your best friend had called you mere minutes after that first date had ended, gushing with you about Trevor’s kindness in buying your food and drinks (and ticket) and laughing at the way you reenacted Trevor’s attempt to mansplain baseball to you. 

After the second date, when Trevor brought you to play mini-golf and took you to get ice cream, you had called her. She had asked if he had kissed you yet. She also asked if you were going to send a picture of his butt anytime soon. The answer to both was “no.”

And last week, after the third date where Trevor had taken you to see Killers of the Flower Moon when it released, she had told you about her policy: the one where she starts to consider putting out. 

It seems like Trevor might be on the same page. For your fourth date, Trevor invited you to dinner. Tonight. At his apartment. He’s cooking for you. At his apartment. 

Alone.

You haven’t told him yet about the fact that you haven’t had sex with anyone. He’s probably picked up on it by now, with how you shy away from his touches and swerved him twice (once at mini-golf and once after the movies). 

You’re going to tell him tonight. He’s going to cook a beautiful dinner, be nothing but sweet and caring like he always is, and then you’re going to tell him that you’re still a virgin, and he’s going to be freaked out, and probably break up with you.

That’s the only way it could go, right?

The potential for disaster is on your mind the whole night, from the drive to Trevor’s to the last bite of the cheesecake Trevor bought for dessert. 

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Trevor asks, pushing his plate away and leaning back in his chair. He crosses his arms over his chest. “Did I make something you don’t like? Are you not a cheesecake fan?”

“No, Trevor, I like cheesecake. You haven’t done anything wrong.” You continue to pick at your dessert. You sigh, then place your fork down on the side of the plate. “I think we need to have a conversation.”

You don’t miss the alarm that flashes across Trevor’s face when you say that. 

He stands almost immediately from his seat, taking your hand to bring you to his living room, where you can sit comfortably on the couch. Trevor stays quiet, something you know is difficult for him, but it means so much more to you that he’s trying to let you take charge here.

“Do you remember when I told you about my best friend?” You ask, finding it safest to start there.

Trevor nods. “What about her?”

You’re quiet for a beat, taking a deep breath. “She told me that she starts to put out after the third date.”

A sharp silence follows. Your heart is beating through your chest, but it starts to slow the longer the silence drags on.

Finally, Trevor breaks the silence. “So?” He asks. “What does that have to do with us?”

You fishmouth at him, jaw open wide and dangling. 

“Not in like a mean way, but I was inviting you over for dinner. If you want to fuck, we can fuck, but I really just wanted to eat with you today.”

Trevor’s words are both comforting and cutting. He’s sassy, always is, and the consonants of his words sound harsh. He’s saying everything like he’s so sure, like it was obvious, and the word “fuck” twists your intestines in a way that causes you to grimace. It’s nice that he didn’t intend to have sex with you tonight, but now it seems like an offhanded afterthought. If you want to, we can. 

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” You bite the edge of your thumbnail. “It’s– well, that’s kind of a big deal for me?”

Trevor nods, encouraging you to continue.

“I haven’t, um. I, kind of, haven’t really… done that… yet.” Your voice shakes a bit in an embarrassing way, a way that makes you want to cringe, but you don’t want to seem so vulnerable in front of Trevor. 

The problem is that you like him. You’ve been going on dates as often as you can, with Trevor’s busy schedule. You enjoy seeing him, you like hanging out with him, and you want to keep doing it. You always get your hopes up and this time is no different, you can feel it. You’re hoping that Trevor won’t say the same shit as the other guys you’ve told this to, the ones that laughed or belittled you or asked “Why? Why haven’t you?” like there’s a good answer to their question.

“Oh,” is the eloquent response that Trevor comes up with. His eyes are wide and his mouth stays slightly open, even when he’s done speaking. It’s like he wants to say more, but he doesn’t know what. 

You’re the same way– you bite the inside of your cheek and your lip as you continue to watch Trevor. If you weren’t feeling so nervous, it would be a funny sight: two people sitting on the couch, just staring at each other with wide eyes.

“I really like you, Trevor,” You tell him. “I just– I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t want to disappoint you. I don’t want you to leave me because I can’t give you what you want.”

Trevor moves quickly, closing the space between you. He hugs you tightly and you sniff, holding back emotion that you didn’t realize was there. 

“Is there anything else?” Trevor asks , rubbing your back. 

You shake your head.

“I really like you, too,” Trevor adds. “I’m not going to leave you because you’re… inexperienced. I want to keep dating you, Y/N. If you’ll let me, I would really like to…” Trevor trails off, offering you a smile and a little bit of a laugh before continuing. “Teach you?”

Your mouth opens in surprise. “Teach me?” You repeat.

Trevor grimaces, an embarrassed smile on his face. “It sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

“A little bit,” You agree. Your heart has slowed to its normal pace and Trevor’s hand on your knee is a comfort, not unwelcome pressure. 

“Can I kiss you?” Trevor asks. His voice is soft and his hand has drifted up to your cheek. 

“Well, I’ve done that before,” You joke. You’re not lying– you’ve kissed people in the past. You feel like that should be clear to Trevor before he gets too big of a head. 

“Not with me.” Trevor leans in and presses a kiss to your cheek, then the other. He kisses along your face until he gets to your lips, which is when he pauses before barely letting his lips ghost across yours. He holds himself there for a moment, waits for you to tilt your head up, and Trevor dives in. It’s sweet and he’s patient, never moving any faster than you want him to. 

Over the next week, you tell Trevor your theories about why you haven’t had sex before: that you were a weird kid, or too focused on school, or too eager for the next big thing that you never considered it. Or that guys were scary and often didn’t actually seem to care. Trevor reassured you that he didn’t care that you hadn’t had sex before, but that he did care more about you than anyone he’d ever been with in the past.

By your fifth date, Trevor had officially made you his girlfriend. He had also officially told you that you could ask him any questions you wanted, whenever they popped into your mind.

You had taken advantage of it, often at the worst times:

Over text before a game: “Is it going to hurt?” “Probably. But I’ll go slow and try to get you as ready for my cock as I can.” While you and Trevor are grocery shopping: “What am I supposed to do?” “What do you mean?” “Like, I don’t want to just lay there.” “There are a lot of different positions. I’m not going to make you just lay there.” “Okay, well I don’t think I’ll be any good on top.” “You don’t know that yet. Also, chill out. We’re in the middle of the toilet paper aisle. Can we finish this conversation at home?” Later, in that same grocery trip, while in the condom aisle: “Is it really that different?” “What?” “When you have sex with and without a condom. Is there a big difference?” “Uh, it’s more… intimate without. I think it feels better.” “So should we skip the condom altogether?” “Uh… probably not the first time. We should probably work up to that.” “Well, I want you to feel good.” “You’re going to give me a boner if you keep talking. Shut up. We’re buying condoms.” And when you pouted: “Just be patient, we’ll get there.” When you drop him off for practice: “How long do you usually last?” “I have to go.” Then, over text two minutes after he walks away from the car: “you’re hot so probably not more than two minutes <3”

You’d waited to ask the more pressing questions when you were in private. It brought you a thrill of glee each time you asked a question and you could watch Trevor grow uncomfortable with the effort it took to restrain himself, to not try and get some relief whenever you caused him to grow hard with your unintentionally dirty words. 

“I made a list of questions for you,” You tell Trevor. It’s the last time you’re hanging out before you head home for Thanksgiving. You’re sitting on the same couch, Trevor on one side, you on the other. 

“Twenty questions, sexy style?” Trevor teases, pulling your legs over his lap. 

“You’re my little encyclopedia,” You reply. “And I’m curious.”

“Okay. Go on.”

“What do you like, Trev? Tell me everything. Likes, dislikes, kinks, dare I say fetishes…”

“Don’t really think I have any fetishes, but thanks for being open about it,” Trevor laughs. He rubs his thumb over your ankle. “That’s a really big question, baby.”

You shrug, foregoing a reply.

“I mean, I don’t know. I like sex. I like getting head. I like giving head. I like it when I finger a girl. I like it when I can make a girl come. I occasionally like to spank a girl. I’m pretty chill, baby. I’m down for anything.”

You scoff. “Trev, I don’t know anything. You have to be specific.”

Trevor takes a breath and chews his bottom lip, seeming to consider your words. “I like that you don’t know anything.” His fingers circle your ankle and he squeezes what he can hold in his hand. For probably the first time since he’s talked to you about this sort of thing, Trevor seems hesitant, like he’s choosing his words carefully. “It makes me feel really special.”

“Special how?” You ask.

“I don’t know, just… that you trust me with this.”

You suppress a smile. “Look at you, Mr. Emotional Intimacy.”

Trevor snorts and rolls his eyes. “I’ve never been a huge relationship guy, Y/N. I think it’s really cool that you make me want to experience all this shit with you. It’s nice to feel this way. We get to treat every moment like it’s really special, and that makes me feel special, since most of my other sexual encounters are just heat of the moment hookups with other experienced partners.”

When you open your mouth to apologize for your inexperience, unable to help yourself, Trevor cuts you off. 

“I also think it’s really hot that– God, this sounds so fucked up– I get to show you everything. It’s… like, okay, fuck, it’s kind of the student and teacher thing.”

“So you do have a fetish!” You accuse, pointing your finger at Trevor wildly. He captures your hand and rolls his eyes. “You want me to dress up like a Catholic schoolgirl!”

“I do not!” Trevor replies, sounding exasperated. He pauses to consider it. “Okay, it would be hot. But that’s not why, bro. Chill out.”

“Why, then?” You ask. You’re interested, almost too interested. You want to know what makes Trevor click, what you can do to make him hard and what he looks like when he’s in pleasure, when he comes.

“I like that you’re innocent. It just makes me feel like I get to take care of you. It’s dumb, but I get to be the man and I get to make you feel good and show you how to make me feel good. I’m the only one who’s seen you like this, it’s fun for me.”

Your eyes drift lower to his lap, wanting to see if he’s tenting his shorts just at the idea. He is. You move closer to him, taking your legs off his lap and tucking yourself into his side. Feeling bold, you place your hand on his stomach.

“Can I see you?” You ask, making sure your voice sounds extra sweet and you’re blinking up at him through your eyelashes. 

Trevor practically convulses, his mouth pressed into a straight line, but still wobbling a bit as he stares at you in shock. “What?” He asks.

You let your fingers drift to the waistband of his shorts, but you dare not to tread further. You don’t want to touch him wrong, or mess everything up. But, at the same time, you really want to see his dick. “Can I see you?” You repeat. Then, you let out a little laugh, just to yourself. “I’m–” You cut yourself off and press your lips together, proud of the joke you’re about to make. “I’m a hands-on learner.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Trevor says, shaking his head at your terrible joke. “Baby, are you sure?”

“Trev, I want to see your dick.” You roll your eyes, pulling your hand back. “I should see the hardware before I ask of any more questions, right?”

Trevor seems to be battling with himself. 

You dip your finger under the waistband, feeling his v-line with your pinky. 

It snaps Trevor out of his inner turmoil and he bats your hand away. He shimmies his shorts off, leaving his boxers on. They don’t leave much to the imagination and you bite your lip with a gasp.

It’s big. It’s not even out yet, and it’s big.

Trevor dips his head down, tilting your chin up with a finger, and kisses you softly. “Still sure?” He whispers.

“Leave it in there for a second,” You reply. You lower your voice to a whisper to match his: “How is that going to fit inside me?”

“We’ll go slow and I’ll get you nice and open for me. Three fingers, so it’s easier.” He winks. “Maybe four.”

“Jesus Christ, Trevor.” Your voice is more admonishing than turned on, but it would be a lie if you weren’t intrigued by his words. 

“And you know what else?” Trevor asks. 

You nod for him to continue. 

“If we need to, we’ll use lube. But I want to make you come a couple times before I get my cock in you, that first time. Wanna make it so good for you. You’ll be so relaxed that you’ll forget it’s your first time.”

“A couple times,” You repeat, feeling a little dazed. “Is that… normal?”

Trevor shrugs. “Normal is different for everyone. It’s possible and I think you’ll like the feeling of me making you come. I know I will. So, I hope it becomes normal for us.”

“Okay,” You say. You know your voice sounds unsure. You clear your throat. “Take it out,” You tell him, a little hoarse still. 

“You’re sure?”

“Trevor, just do it,” You let the words burst out of you. “If I hate it, I’ll tell you to put it away!”

Trevor laughs. “God, I hope you don’t hate it. That would really derail my plans for us.” He hooks his thumbs in his waistband and inches his boxers down.

The inching slowly reveals the head of his cock, red and shiny. Eyes wide, you tilt your head to the side. Your lips part as Trevor continues to reveal himself to you. It lays flat against his stomach, curved a little to the side. 

Trevor smiles, the right side of his mouth tilting up into a smirk. He brings his hand to the base of his cock and watches your breath hitch when he pumps himself once, slowly, just to gauge your reaction. He squeezes, milking a little precum out of his tip. 

You tense up, watching the drip slide down his length. 

“Oh my God,” You whisper to yourself. 

“What do you think, baby? Hideous?” Trevor asks, a knowing lilt in his voice. He sees how your eyes haven’t left his dick since he pulled it out of his boxers, curious but also enraptured.

Your hand twitches on his stomach. “Can I…”

Trevor hums, stroking himself again.

“Can I touch you?”

“Whatever you want,” Trevor agrees and takes his hand off of himself, practically dropping his cock like a hot potato. 

You reach out, hesitating at the last second. You pull back. “I feel so stupid.”

“Why?” Trevor asks. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” You say begrudgingly, pouting under his watchful eye. 

“That’s okay. Just get your hand on it, feel it out. I can help you, if you want.”

“No, I want to do it.” You reach out, making contact with Trevor’s cock with a single finger. You draw a line from his base to his tip, following the vein on the side. You bite your lip in concentration, circling the tip of his cock with your finger and thumb. You purse your lips and feel the weight of his cock in your hand, tilting it gently from one side, to the other, forwards and backwards like a joystick, just to see how it moves.

You fail to notice Trevor’s breathing grow deeper, nor the way his eyes are trained on your face.

You press your thumb into the underside of the head of his dick, where the tip meets the shaft. You drag your thumb up, swiping over the slit. A bubble of precum appears and leaks out. You rub your thumb through it, then turn your hand over to look at your thumb.

Trevor’s jaw drops and a strangled noise leaves his mouth when you bring your thumb up to your mouth and take a taste. 

His cock jumps, drawing your eyes. You then look up to him and notice the sweat on his brow. He’s biting his lip to recover from his groan, but lets out a whimper when you circle his cock with your entire hand and pump him. 

“Oh my God,” Trevor whispers, mirroring your reaction from earlier. His voice is shaky and his eyes roll backwards into his head. 

You bring your other hand down to cradle one of his balls, rolling it in your palm. You pump his cock at the same time and Trevor’s hips jump into your fist, catching you off guard.

“Gonna come,” Trevor chokes out. “Just– fuck– keep going.”

“Help me,” You request, taking his hand and bringing it so his hand covers yours.

He moans aloud, tightening his grip (and yours by extension), and moving his hips up into his hand in short thrusts.

“Fuck, is this– is this okay?” Trevor checks with you, cheeks flushed and eyes bright. “Can I come?”

Your eyes stay on his face, watching as his face contorts with pleasure. “Yeah,” You breathe out. “Want to see you come, Trev.”

He lets out a moan at that, throwing his head back as you continue to stroke over his member in tandem. He fucks up until your fists as he hurls himself over the edge, ribbons of come shooting out of his tip and falling in pools over his hand and abdomen. 

A bit drips through his fingers onto your hand and you stare at it, crinkling your nose at the feeling of the sticky substance as it settles on your skin.

“Gross,” You say, wincing at the way it cools on your skin. 

“Let me clean you up,” Trevor offers, tucking himself away and rising off the couch to wet a paper towel. You stand and follow him, holding your hand a reasonable distance away from yourself, and trying not to drip everywhere. When Trevor turns to you with the paper towel, he laughs. “Well, don’t act like it’s acid!”

“You look pretty when you come,” You tell Trevor as he wipes his come off of your hand. He dumps the paper towel in the trash can and you elbow him out of the way to wash your hands for an extra long amount of time. He follows suit when you’re done and you plaster yourself to his back, hugging him from behind.

“What’s that for?” Trevor asks, throwing a glance over his shoulder fondly.

“For being so understanding and nice to me,” You mumble into his back, hiding your face. “Thank you.”

Trevor turns around in your grasp and returns your hug, holding you tightly to his chest. “Oh, baby, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Cuz you find me so hot when I’m innocent,” You giggle, poking his ribs.

“It’s my kink,” Trevor teases back, with a hint of truth to it, though you won’t find out about that until Trevor sheepishly admits it the next time you jerk him off and he’s babbling aimlessly about how pretty you look when you’re staring up at him in awe, asking him how he feels and if you’re doing well. He’s praising you and whining and when he finally comes, he almost hardens immediately after because you lift your hand up and give his come a little kitten lick, getting a taste of him. 

You end up scrunching your nose in distaste, not because you dislike it, but because it’s such a unique taste.

It makes Trevor laugh and it makes him lean in to kiss you, even venturing to open his mouth and let you take the lead with tongue (the way he taught you).

note: the monday morning streak continues! pls send feedback to my inbox (not requests, i'm booked) but i want to talk about this series!! I love chit-chatting with y'all! i also think that since i'm starting my new job(!!!!!!) this week, we might be down to one post this week & then i'll just work on a bunch of stuff throughout the week so i can hopefully post more when i'm acclimated to my job! also, my cousin is having her baby today! it's the first baby of the next generation! i'm so excited for her!

#puck luck's fics #trevor zegras #trevor zegras smut #trevor zegras x reader #trevor zegras x y/n #tz11 #tz x inexperienced!reader series #nhl smut #nhl fic #nhl fanfiction #nhl x reader #andy writes anything🍄

[sleepoutro]

MCR north american tour full youtube recordings masterpost ✨

here's all the recordings/compilations of full shows i could find on youtube (some might be missing a few minutes/a couple of songs), plus a tiny bit of info on each video. ik these are probably all on the my chem archive dropbox but i didn’t have anything better to do lmao so here they all are in one tidy list. thank you to all the people who filmed these i owe you my life. (btw when i say right or left side of stage in this post i mean from the audience pov :D)

Oklahoma: Tony: filmed from ga

San Antonio: JYeahJasonJude: filmed from near barricade, with great zoom. Tony: filmed from seats, full stage view, phoenixrai: filmed from ga

Nashville: The Academy is My Beautiful Romance: compilation of different videos, streams, clips etc. ur internet boyfriend: filmed from back of the arena seats

Cincinnati: The Academy is My Beautiful Romance: compilation of different videos!

Raleigh: Yordoom: filmed from ga (this one has a really clear and fun view of the floor crowd in my opinion). dallon: filmed from seats, right side

Elmont: Alê Morais: filmed from high up right side. Mothman Multimedia: not a full video but a playlist of videos from the whole show, filmed from high up, center

Philadelphia: Electronic Beagle: filmed from high up left side. markit aneight: amazing quality!! deadhoarse: another great quality one, left side

Albany: The Academy is My Beautiful Romance: compilation :)

Uncasville: ConcreteRose: side of stage, right side. Kelush: filmed from ga

Montreal: Finnyfresh: instagram live uploaded to youtube, mostly filming jumbotron

Toronto1: Keandell Clyde Arcenal Pineda: filmed from floor seating, full stage and jumbotron view.

Toronto2: The Academy is my Beautiful Romance: compilation

Boston1: Full Sets: filmed from seats further away, full stage

Boston2: Cen's Jams: filmed from high up left side, stage and jumbotron in view most of the time. Blue Moon: Side/almost behind stage, frank's side. chaosangel42: filmed from seats on stage level, right side

Brooklyn1: The Academy is My Beautiful Romance: compilation

Brooklyn2: xZ3ROGRAVITYx: nice full stage view from the right side. Tom’s Archive: filmed from ga with a great zoom and some great quality shots from the jumbotron

Detroit: Bingop: filmed from further away, seats, Sheep: very good full stage view from the left

Saint Paul: Cool Concert Channel: filmed from ga, close to the stage

Riot Fest: Geoffrey Gardner: right-ish side of stage. phoenixrai: great quality. and kudos to both of these people for how stable the videos seem to be considering everything lol

Alpharetta: Blue Moon: close to stage, great quality

NJ1: phoenixrai: again, fantastic quality. deadhoarse: great quality, filmed from left side with a great zoom, so there’s nice variety in the shots. Tom’s Archive: close to stage, another great quality recording. Gothic Romance: just another great recording, more from the right side of the arena this time. nj1 had all the people with good cameras for some reason lol

NJ2: Tom’s Archive: Tom coming in with another banger. filmed from the pit, amazing closeups. ray toro is so beautiful. Andrea Warfel: filmed from further back in ga. Metal Love Collection: another great quality nj video, filmed from ga with a good zoom.

Firefly: alene b: good quality, just clips of last two songs. gems (loves frank iero): another nice quality one, good view of jumbotron most of the time

Sunrise FL: The Academy Is my Beautiful Romance: compilation!

Houston: Fredy Benitez: filmed from further back in seating

Dallas: phoenixrai: great quality, filmed from ga

Denver: Sudz’ Concert Recordings: filmed from further back but with a good zoom, nice full view of stage

Portland: The Academy is My Beautiful Romance: compilation!

Tacoma: SquawkyJo: full stage view

Oakland: The Academy is my Beautiful Romance: compilation!

Las Vegas: hearmenearme: filmed from left side high up. phoenixrai: great quality!

Aftershock: Elias Blake: divided into 2 parts, link is to part 1 :)

LA1: phanfanisonline: divided into 4 parts, link to part 1 :)

LA2: JMetalHead: filmed from right side high up

LA3: ray: filmed from pit, link is to part A. JMetalHead: filmed from right side high up. i love this person's reactions to their favorite songs haha RandomAspectsofLife: side of stage, frank's side (almost behind stage so you can see a lot of the crowd which i love!)

LA4: ray: filmed from seats, right side, full stage view + occasional jumbotron, link to part A.

LA5: Tina Sharp: full view of stage from the left side. deadhoarse: great quality, filmed from the right

WWWY2: StayThicc: filmed from further back, jumbotron in view the whole time. The Academy is My Beautiful Romance: compilation!

WWWY3: PichyTheReefCoralTheReef: full stage and jumbotron view

MEXICO CITY: we got our professional recording! uploaded by a lot of people but here is one link

and obviously a reminder that there are also a ton of amazing quality individual song performances on youtube, these are just the full show recordings! please lmk if you notice any mistakes, it's late when i'm making this lol. i'll try to add on to this if new videos are uploaded :) happy watching! edit: just to add, if you click on one of these videos and it turns out to be one of those that barely show ray at all just please click right out of there. i haven’t watched all of these through so please know that i don’t endorse that and find it weird as fuck to say the least

#PHEW #hopefully this is useful for like one person at least #mcr #my chemical romance #idk much about the audio quality on most these by the way i only checked the angle and video quality! #some might also be hq but really shaky #obviously i haven’t watched most of these in full so sorry if there’s something notable like that or some other stuff that i didnt mention! #mcrshows

[enblvsh]

ENHYPEN HEADCANON - their favorite form of physical affection

genre. soft/fluff, suggestive for jay.

a/n. omg, hi.. soo quick life update; i went to the seventeen concert in oakland!! literally had the best time of my life and i miss them sm :(( also i haven't written anything since i last posted, so im currently easing back into it, please bare with ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა also can i just wow, this is the first post i started and actually finished in one sitting?!?!? so proud of myself tbh

lee heeseung. ʚɞ headpats although it may not seem as "traditional" or "romantic", heeseung likes it because it can be used to express many things. when he's proud of you; *pat* when he finds you adorable; *pat* or when your simply just existing; *pat* *pat* *pat*. it's also his way of saying hello and acknowledging your presence—say as your passing by him or sitting next to him. hee just finds it adorable and endearing; and because its subtle, he likes that he can do it in front of the others as well, without having to deal with their teasing and complaints.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

park jongseong. ʚɞ kisses jay is a classic man who would express his love through kisses. i feel like he'd absolutely LOVE to spoil you with kisses, not even kidding he will kiss you 10 times a day AT LEAST; whether that's before he leaves for work, when he comes back, while you're falling asleep in each other's arms, or simply any moment in each other's presence. it's not always on the lips though; he'll kiss your forehead, eyelids, cheeks, neck, collarbone, shoulders, and hands. they tend to be soft and sweet, simply expressing his pure love and admiration for you, but they can also be passionate and heated, which may or may not lead to something more...

sim jaeyun. ʚɞ cuddles i am so whipped for jake, he's literally the clingiest and cuddliest boy ever ! he'll drop anything just to cuddle with you, even if it's important, but really nothing will ever be more important than you :( tbh you guys are always cuddling, but his favorite are the ones after a long day, because that's when they're the most comforting. jake is always a giggling mess during your cuddle sesh; i mean, how else is he suppose to react when your cute lil face is so close to his? with that being said, he prefers to be the big spoon so he can admire and plant kisses all over your face, but he occasionally likes to be the little spoon too.

park sunghoon. ʚɞ holding hands this is more of a fact than an opinion, like have you seen the i-land clips? despite his cold and composed demeanor, ice prince is actually the softest boy there ever was, and is a little shy when it comes to pda. sunghoon likes any form of affection regarding your hands—holding them, kissing them, playing with them, etc. not only does he think its romantic but he likes the subtly of the act, and thinks it easy to hide when the others catch him being affectionate (even though he's horrible at playing it off.) he's always holding your hand in public too, or sometimes he'll link your pinkies together to give you a little more freedom when you go shopping. and even in private, he'll hold your hand while the other is scrolling through his phone. he just loves your hands and finds them so pretty (but not prettier than his duh!)

kim sunoo. ʚɞ hugs this little ball of sunshine ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა i've said it before, but sunoo is just so bubbly and absolutely loves being around you. his hugs are used to greet you, check up on you, comfort you, and so on. his favorite kind are back hugs, and he LOVES giving them. there's simply nothing better than holding you and resting his head on your shoulders, it's when he's at his happiest. and he most certainly loves being held as well. you loved how safe you felt in his embrace, his hugs are always so warm and theraputic (sunoo's hugs = free therapy and personal human heater). definitely the type of boyfriend to run up and hug you after being away from you for so long.

yang jungwon. ʚɞ hugs + cuddles jungwon seems so cuddly tbh, he looks like someone who'd give the warmest hugs, or whose hugs would instantly melt away the worries of those who embrace him. of course, his hugs would be a way to comfort you during tough times, but they're also his way of saying hello or expressing his curiosity to what you were doing. say you're making yourself food, he'll just come up from behind and wrap his arms around you while watching what you were making. jungwon also loves cuddles; he doesn't have a particular reason why, he just does, and it's not like he has to do much to get what he wants (he has his ways ◔_◔) 75% of the times he's the little spoon, because to him that's when he can let down his guard, take a break from being the leader and relax. but when he's the big spoon, he'll be constantly brushing your hair behind your ear/running his finger through your hair, and give you so so many back rubs!

nishimura riki. ʚɞ leaning on each other's shoulders honestly speaking, riki doesn't seem like someone who's big on physical touch, maybe that's because he's young? but this boy will always lean his head on your shoulder when you're sitting close to each other. not only is it comfortable, but it's also his way of saying he's comfortable with you :) sometimes he'll lay your head on his shoulder too— it's him letting you know that you can be comfortable with him! riki oddly likes to rub his head against yours, which sounds funny but is actually quite adorable. whenever riki sees you sitting by yourself, he lwky feels bad because you're alone (even though you're perfectly fine with it.) of course he's not gonna let his s/o be alone, so he sits besides you and leans his head on your shoulder, so you know he's there for you <3

© enblvsh. PLEASE DO-NOT REWRITE, STEAL, COPY, TRANSLATE, MODIFY, OR REPOST ON OTHER PLATFORMS.

#enhypen #enhypen reaction #enhypen headcanon #enhypen imagine #enhypen scenario #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen soft #heeseung #jay #jake #sunghoon #sunoo #jungwon #niki #enblvsh

[probablyasocialecologist]

It’s become a real challenge to keep up with every Palestine protest and action happening in this country, but I am going to round-up some of that have occurred in recent days in case you missed them. Over 75 activists shut down and blocked all entrances to Boeing Building 598 in Saint Charles, Missouri. The facility manufactures the Small Diameter Bombs (SDBs) and Joint Direct Attack Munition (JDAM) bombs that Israel is using Gaza. “We are joining millions of people across the United States and around the world in demanding an end to Israeli’s brutal assault on Gaza and its decades-long occupation of Palestine,” said Ellie Tang, a member of the anti-war organization Dissenters, in a statement. “We urge Congress and Biden to hear the calls of millions of us living in this country, and push for a ceasefire. Until Congress blocks the bombs, we will.” After shutting operations down for 2 hours, the facility canceled its deliveries for the day. 500 protesters with Jewish Voice for Peace (JVP) took over the Statue of Liberty’s platform, dropped banners, held a sit-in, and chanted for a ceasefire. “HAPPENING NOW AT THE STATUE OF LIBERTY: Hundreds of Jews and allies are holding an emergency sit-in, taking over the island to demand a ceasefire in Gaza. We refuse to allow a genocide to be carried out in our names. Ceasefire now to save lives! Never again for anyone!,” tweeted the organization. Oakland protesters blocked a ship from leaving its port for hours. The boat was headed to the Port of Tacoma to pick up arms destined for Israel. Hundreds of protesters are currently occupying that port and at least one worker is refusing to take the cargo after learning about its use. At a Get Out the Vote rally, Democratic candidate Senator John Fetterman (D-PA) was confronted by a protester calling for a ceasefire. “4,000 plus dead children in Palestine. 9,000 plus dead civilians, get off the stage. … Get off the stage. I don’t care … get off the stage,” he yelled before being escorted out of the building by police. Tens of thousands gathered in San Francisco to demand a ceasefire. “I can feel the momentum of it and that’s why we had to get out today,” one told the local CBS station. “My son’s in Trafalgar Square right now or he was earlier today. Same deal. People who just feel the injustice of the world.” A speech by Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) in New Jersey was interrupted by activists calling on him to back a ceasefire. He quickly exited the stage. Rhode Island Senators Jack Reed and Sheldon Whitehouse were disrupted at event by protesters calling for a ceasefire. Rep. Grace Meng was confronted by protesters asking when she will back a ceasefire. She remained silent and her staff told them, “There’s a time and place for this.”

#palestine #israel #USA #us elections #antizionism

[babymetaldoll]

"Embarrassed" (Spencer Reid x fem!bau reader)

Category: hardcore fluff, friends to lovers. Warnings: Cursing, Spencer being a little asshole, the BAU being nosy as usual. Summary: Spencer embarrassed himself in front of reader, and the annual FBI beach trip could be the perfect place to make things even more awkward between them.  Requested: Nop A/N: I wrote this for @imagining-in-the-margins Summer Challenge, hope you guys enjoy it. Prompts used: - He has a degree in engineering. How can he be defeated by a sandcastle? - I don't really like the beach... Sandy food, pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, but mostly drug-resistant bacteria spread by seagull feces. - It's like Hotch at the beach- - Next summer we are doing the Alaskan cruise. Masterlist

- “Explain to me again why I have to spend time with you during the weekend when we just spent eleven days working on a case in Oakland?”- Rossi asked as the entire BAU Team walked into a beautiful cabin by the sea, prepared especially for them.

- “Because we have to do the team training, along with all the paperwork it includes. But at least we have a nice view.”- Hotch explained, opening a window, staring at the deep blue ocean in front of them.

- “For once, I’m glad we have to do this stupid program.”- Morgan commented and took off his shirt. - “Sand, sun, and babes, that’s all I need to enjoy my weekend.”

- “We have to get ready for Strauss lecture.”- (Y/N) pointed out and tossed his shirt back- “Please, put this back on. I don’t wanna see your tits around the house.”

Spencer chuckled at those words and Morgan turned to him immediately.

- “What are you laughing about, pretty Ricky? Are there other tits you wanna see around the house?”- Morgan teased his friends, who turned blood red in a minute, coughed, and walked away, to hide in a room, slamming the door behind his back. (Y/N) raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms on her chest.

- “You love making him feel uncomfortable, don’t you?”

- “Come on! We all know he has the hots for you, little Mama. When are you going to do something about it?”

- “He is my friend, with a capital F.”

- “You could be doing the capital F if you stopped being so stubborn.”- Morgan replied and turned around. He knew he had crossed the line and didn’t want to give (Y/N) the chance to smack him for being nosy.

Yes, everybody knew Spencer was in love with (Y/N). It wasn’t really a secret after he blurted it out by accident on a supermarket mic during a case investigation in front of the whole team. The entire incident was way too embarrassing to even recall, and the BAU had pretended it never happened. Everybody except Morgan, of course. He loved teasing Spencer every chance he got. The whole episode had been messy, and though it had been a few weeks already, (Y/N) still didn’t have a chance to talk with Spencer about it, and he kept acting like it never happened. That weekend’s Team Training Program at the beach was the perfect chance to fix things between them.

If only Spencer dared talk to her first.

Around half an hour later, a very unhappy team walked out of their cabin, ready to deal with whichever activities Strauss and headquarters had planned for them. The FBI had rented an entire villa for the weekend, to host their annual team training program. Rossi hated the idea, Spencer hated the beach. Hotch hated the fact he was wasting time he could be spending with Jake. JJ hated missing Henry’s soccer game, Garcia hated having to work out so much, and Prentiss hated the fact she couldn’t just lay on a chair at the beach with a drink and just tan a little.

(Y/N) and Morgan were the only ones excited to be there. Morgan still thought he could get a girl, and (Y/N) just wanted to spend a little time with Spencer, and maybe ask him out on a date. After all, a weekend at the beach was the perfect scenario to finally talk about what happened and maybe do something about it.

- “Beach activities are a great way to bring a team together.”- Strauss announced as she walked in front of at least 50 FBI agents. All of them, BAU included, wore dark blue short sleeve shirts with the FBI logo, and grey shorts. Everybody except Rossi, of course. He stood among them smoking a cigar and wearing his everyday outfit.

- “All the team-building games you are about to go through, were designed to promote communication, cooperation, and creativity. They will help our agents build trust, learn to delegate tasks, and enhance problem-solving skills.”

- “Sounds like a boy scout’s speech”- Rossi whispered to Prentiss and she did her best not to chuckle. But of course, Strauss noticed and immediately raised an eyebrow in disapproval.

- “You’ve all been designated with a number, that’s your team. Please form your teams so we can start the first activity.”

(Y/N) sighed, already annoyed. She understood the idea of having to go through a team seminar to improve one’s relationship with their team, but having to know other agents and talk with strangers… wasn’t really into her plans.

- “Hey….”- Spencer whispered as he stood next to her in the middle of the beach, right next to a bunch of agents neither of them had met before.- “I… I think we are on the… same team.”- Reid managed to say, and continued staring at his feet in the sand.

- “That’s great!!”- (Y/N) replied, maybe a little bit too enthusiastically. - “We haven’t… it’s been… well, we haven’t had the chance to talk much lately.”- she knew why they hadn’t talked. It was weird. Still, neither of them had addressed the pink elephant in the room, he just nodded and didn’t say another word for a few minutes.

- “Did you put on sunscreen?”- she asked and Spencer turned to look at her with wide-opened eyes.

- “Ye... yes, yes, I did. I always do”- he stuttered and started rambling right away- “Did you know daily use of SPF 15 sunscreen can reduce your risk of developing squamous cell carcinoma by about 40 percent? and lower your melanoma risk by 50 percent.”

- “Yes, I try to put on sunscreen daily as well, but I usually forget.”- (Y/N) added ‘cos she needed to make that conversation last at least longer than a minute. It was ridiculous, Spencer not even being able to look her in the eyes only because he had accidentally said he loved her in front of a whole crime scene, Nebraska’s police force, and the whole BAU team. Even Garcia.

- “Anyway”- (Y/N) said when she noticed Spencer wasn’t saying anything - “Are you enjoying the trip?”

He stared at her and licked his lips - nearly giving her a heart attack - as he tried his best to find actual words to reply to that question.

- "I don't really like the beach…”- he finally mumbled- “Sandy food, pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, but mostly drug-resistant bacteria spread by seagull feces.”

- “Oh…”- (Y/N) sounded disappointed, and neither of them said another word. Their new team gathered around them, and the instructions for the first activity were delivered.

The first team training activity was a beach scavenger hunt. Hotch’s team won ‘cos he was the team leader and… well, he is the best leader in the FBI. Spencer and (Y/N) tried their best, but their group was having serious trouble focusing. Apparently, no one wanted to spend the day at the beach working.

The second team training activity was a beach obstacle course. Morgan’s team won, basically ‘cos most of the agents in his team were pure muscle. Spencer was incredibly embarrassed to even do the circuit, ‘cos he felt self-aware of every one of his moments and that everybody was looking at him. And he ended up tripping on his own feet. Just when he thought he couldn’t embarrass himself more, there he was, face into the sand, hearing the entire FBI laughing at him.

Rossi looked at Morgan and shook his head. The kid needed help. But how?

- “Are you ok?” (Y/N) whispered when Spencer reached her side and he just nodded. - “Your ankle, does it hurt?”- she was honestly worried, but he felt so humiliated he wanted to disappear. So he did, he didn’t even answer her question and walked away. Rossi looked at the scene from a distance and headed to (Y/N)’s side in a few minutes.

- “How is the beach treating you, bella?”

- “I’m hating every minute here so far”- she replied and followed Spencer with her eyes until he got lost between all the people. Rossi noticed, he knew what was torturing her and though they hadn’t ever talked about it, it was clear he had to help those kids.

- “Come on, ragazza. You know he is crazy for you. We all do. You just have to tell him how you feel.”

- “I’m trying, Coronel Cannelloni! but he doesn’t even talk to me. The few things he has mumbled today are the only things he has said to me since “the incident,” and I don’t know what to do!”

- “He is embarrassed.”- Rossi pointed out the obvious and completely ignored the nickname (Y/N) had called him. She usually called him different nicknames just for the fun of it.

- “Well I understand that, but if I already know he loves me…”

- “Embarrass yourself now.”- Rossi suggested and the young woman just stared at him in silence. - “I mean it. Meet him in the middle. You already know he loves you, what’s the worst that could happen?”

- “You know, something bad happens every time someone asks that, right?”- Rossi chuckled at those words and shook his head.

- “It can’t get worse than him stuttering every time he sees you.”

- “I’m sure it can.”

Morgan found Spencer standing against a wall, on the other side of the main building of the complex. His eyes were closed as well as his fists, that he kept hitting against the bricks, over and over again.

- “Hey kid.”

- “Please, not now.”- Derek didn’t say another word for a few minutes. He just stood next to his friends and waited for his tantrum to pass.

- “You know Reid, that woman there loves you. Why don’t…”- and at those words, Spencer just snapped and started yelling.

- “She doesn’t! I don’t know if you remember but I had a little incident the other day with a fucking mic in the middle of a supermarket and everybody heard me telling Garcia how in love I am with (Y/N) and she has acted like nothing happened ever since!”

- “Kid”- Morgan frowned and stood in front of Spencer, holding his arms, trying to calm him down and talk some sense into him. - “You’ve been giving her the cold shoulder every time she tries to talk to you. Don’t blame this on her!”

- “Cold shoulder?! Me? To her? When?”- Spencer chuckled sarcastically

- “Dude, a minute ago she was talking to you and you left her alone in the sand.”

Morgan was right, and Spencer knew it, but he wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of saying it. However, Morgan didn’t sugarcoat things either.

- “And let me tell you one more thing, I saw how the guys from National Security in your team were eying her, and you just left her alone with those assholes after being a jerk. It doesn’t look good. How are you gonna fix it, pretty Ricky?”

Spencer opened his mouth, followed by a long awkward silence.

- “Thought so.”- Morgan sighed, and tapped on his friend’s shoulder - “Come on, let’s go back, and try to talk to her like you did before the incident.”

- “Awkwardly and clueless?”- Spencer whispered, and Derek just chuckled.

- “Just be yourself.”

- “That’s lousy advice, I don’t know how to be anyone else.”- Reid frowned and looked at his friend, who was nearly losing his patience.

- “Just don’t be your asshole self.”

The third and last activity of the day was a sandcastle-building contest. And doing his best to overcome his embarrassment and nervousness, Spencer grabbed a plastic shovel and asked (Y/N) if she wanted to help him with a part of their team construction. His hands were nearly shaking as she kneeled next to him on the sand and started working on their team’s design.

- “How did it go with the kid?”- Rossi asked Morgan, as neither of them even tried to pretend to be into the activity.

- “He is in denial. He swears she doesn’t even like him. What did she say?”

- “The kid is ignoring her and she doesn’t know what to do. So I told her to embarrass herself as much as he embarrassed himself.”- Morgan turned to Rossi and raised an eyebrow behind his sunglasses - “What?”

- “Rossi, that's shitty advice. Next time try something like: “Kiss the goddamn fool!” or something like that! I mean, the kid is hopeless and if (Y/N) doesn’t do anything, they are never going to get together.”

- “Give them some credit, Morgan.”- Rossi regretted his words as soon as they left his lips. Spencer was so nervous as he tried to talk with (Y/N) he gesticulated too much and hit part of his castle, causing half of it to crumble down.

- “He has a degree in engineering. How can he be defeated by a sandcastle?”- Rossi whispered and Derek shook his head. The whole scene was embarrassing to watch.

- “And your great advice was “embarrass yourself.” Jesus! I’m gonna have to ask Garcia to hack the system and move them into the same room. This is painful to watch!”

- “Like Hotch at the beach”- Ross pointed out - “He is so sunburned and he keeps getting redder, no matter how much sunscreen he puts on.”

If you asked anyone at the FBI about how the first day of their annual Team Training Program went, they would say it had been a mess. Most agents were sunburned and exhausted after Strauss’ program. Only Morgan and Garcia still felt like going out for dinner and maybe hitting the club, hoping to have some fun that weekend.

Spencer was alone, sitting on the sand in front of the sea. The sun was setting and he just sat there, on his own, doing his best to clear his mind and come up with a plan. But instead, he had nothing but regret. He kept remembering his worst and most embarrassing moments of the day in front of (Y/N) over and over again. It was a bad movie he’d pay not to watch ever again.

- “There you are!” - Prentiss sat next to Spencer and sighed, staring at the scene in front of them.

- “This is beautiful.”- she whispered and Spencer merely nodded. - “Why aren’t you watching this with (Y/N)?”- instead of an answer, Reid just groaned and rested his forehead on his knees, closing his eyes.

- “I’m guessing you didn’t have a chance to talk today.”- Prentiss whispered, knowing very well what had happened. Not like Morgan and Rossi could keep a secret. - “Come on, Reid, you are a fucking genius! Grow a pair and get your shit together”

- “What am I supposed to do? Honestly, ‘cos I’ve tried, but I just… can’t fucking think when she is next to me.”

- “Then don’t think, just act!”- Prentiss nearly smacked Reid as she spoke.- “I don’t think I have to tell you again, she fucking loves you! Do something.”

- “She doesn’t…”- but before Reid could finish that sentence, he felt Emily’s hand against his head, hitting him.

- “Don’t! She loves you! Now stand up, move your skinny ass, and kiss her!”

Reid turned to his friend, still rubbing the spot she had hit, ‘cos it had been incredibly painful.

- “Are you… drunk?”

- “Come on! There is no way I’m surviving sober a weekend with all these agents.”- Prentiss answered and grabbed a tiny gin bottle from her pocket- “Need one?”

- “No, thanks.”

- “Fine… now go! She was having some dinner at our cabin.”

(Y/N) was about to start eating when Spencer got to the cabin. She sat on the terrace with a grilled sandwich and a glass of wine, holding a book. Reid looked at her from the other side of the house and took a deep breath before he continued walking.

- “You’ve got this.”- he whispered to himself - “You can do this.”

- “Hey Spencer!”- (Y/N) watched him approach and smiled so wide he even stopped breathing as he stared at her.

- “You are not doing this.” - he admitted as he sat down on the chair across from (Y/N) and cut her a little smile.

- “Did you eat?”- she asked and offered half her sandwich, but Spencer shook his head and smiled.

- “Thanks, I’m not hungry.”

- “Sure? It’s your favorite. Lots of cheese and zero veggies.”- (Y/N) teased and smiled at Spencer. He blushed and looked at his hands on the table, trying to find the words to finally say what he had to.

But he never found them, instead, they fell into a comfortable silence. (Y/N) finished her sandwich and Spencer read half of her book. The one he had gotten for her a few months earlier. Neither of them said a word, just looked at each other from time to time and smiled awkwardly.

- “So… I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”- (Y/N) finally said as she folded her paper napkin a million times, in a sad and pathetic attempt at making origami.

- “Wh… wha... what about?”- Spencer stuttered immediately. Not a good sign. (Y/N) looked at him and felt bad about how nervous he was. But he had to tell him, he deserved to know.

- “I have to tell you something, but I can’t tell you here. Can you come with me, please?”- the young agent stood up and offered Spencer her hand. He hesitated, not knowing what was happening. But she just smiled and he reached out and held her hand.

(Y/N) drove in silence for a few minutes. They didn’t go too far, Spencer asked a few times where they were going and what was so important that she couldn’t just tell him in the car, but she refused to say a word. Instead, she just smiled and shook her head.

- “Just wait a second.”

Spencer didn’t get it when she parked outside a small supermarket, he just followed her in silence and watched her walk straight to an aisle and then to customer service. Reid didn’t register anything, he just followed her with honest curiosity. Until he saw her grabbing the mic and locking eyes with him.

- “Spencer Walter Reid. I am so fucking in love with you.”- the few people that were shopping at the hour turned to look at her and the young agent simply giggled.

- “Wh… what?”- Spencer stuttered, feeling his red burning red.

- “I love you. I’ve been in love with you for so long.”- (Y/N) kept talking to the mic, until one of the girls in the staff walked up to her and nearly yelled she couldn’t do that. But she (Y/N) didn’t care if she got kicked out of the store. She just cared about Spencer, who kept staring at her in disbelief.

- “Come on dude! Kiss the girl”- some random guy said and slapped his arm, forcing him to react. But before he could do anything, (Y/N) grabbed his face and planted a kiss on his lips. Spencer wide opened his eyes as it happened, and watched her winking as she slipped her tongue between his lips, deepening the kiss.

- “You… do?”- Reid whispered as he gasped for hair when the kiss was over.

- “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you but you kept running away from me.”

- “I was so embarrassed after that happened I…”- but Spencer couldn’t continue speaking, (Y/N) started kissing him again, and some of the customers watching the scene even clapped.

- “What the hell is going on here?”- a sunburned Erin Strauss asked in shock, shoving a small cart with twenty bottles of aloe vera gel, but David Rossi just chuckled and stood next to her, staring at the scene.

- “Let the kids have tonight. You can make their life under the sun miserable tomorrow.”

- “By the way, next Summer, we're doing the Alaskan cruise.”- she added and started walking away- “Agents, tomorrow we’ll have a serious conversation.”- both Spencer and (Y/N) nearly jumped as they heard her voice when she passed by their side, but Rossi just winked at them.

- “Ok, now I’m embarrassed”- (Y/N) whispered and felt Spencer holding her hand. But she didn't really care if Strauss had seen them. It was all worth it when she stared at Spencer’s sweet smile as they walked out of that supermarket. 

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