#I really shouldn’t want to live at all

[tothepointofinsanity]

Sewercide mention.

[It’s about time I felt so depressed and angry again…obviously my parents continue to be a continuous benefactor of my low mood, but now I’m just more sad than anything. Sadness lingers like a cloud on me at all times. I can’t seem to scrub it away. I can’t even die yet because my siblings would be sad lol. I need to review the document I made a month(?) ago to keep myself going on.]

#ttpoilog #I feel bitter that people so often trivialise my emotions #and experiences #everyone gets it from time to time they say #everyone must be stronger than me then #ever since the thoughts of yesterday #the intrusive ones that is #I feel intolerable with my own body and life #I’m just a person to be looked down upon #forever inferior to others by some arbitrary measure #insufferable and loathsome #I really shouldn’t want to live at all

[forestmossling]

START👏FUCKING👏ACKNOWLEDGING👏THEIR👏TRAUMA👏

i’m so fucking done with the duffers just treating the characters like these unstoppable unflappable machines that get only mildly affected by what happens to them unless it’s relevant to the plot, while they’re a group of literal teenagers/young adults going through unimaginable interdimensional life-threatening horrors while suffering from immense physical and psychological damage most people don’t get to ever experience in their life. like. what the fuck.

so i really like fics like this, because i need to see the party actually paying attention to the way steve was incredibly fucked up by the bats and stop just being okay with him acting as canon fodder. anyway. great, silly, but in a sad, desperate way. and by god, everything better turn out good for them in the end per the author’s design because i literally won’t accept anything else.

@walkingsaladshooter just thank you for this, from the bottom of my heart.

#sometimes i just sit down and REALLY think about what they had to go through #and i want to fucking cry #like that’s so fucking unfair #and they of all people shouldn’t be responsible for taking care of that kind of shit #and especially not go and knowingly risk their lives to fight an evil they have no obligation to fight against #pre steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #get steve harrington to be loved and appreciated agenda #steddie fic rec #steddie fic #stranger things fic #fic rec #ao3

[laniidae-passerine]

see I am very disjointed from a lot of nine/ten fandom discourse because I genuinely believe that in a different world where space boy was not to be seen, had an older Rose gone to the hospital and bumped into a certain Doctor Jones by a vending machine or as she was taking Rose’s vitals, she would have instantly hit it off with Martha. and probably flirted with her a little on accident and then on purpose when Martha flirted back

#I can see Martha raising an eyebrow as she catches Rose (who definitely snuck out despite being on bedrest) by the vending machine #Rose probably snuck out of bed because the girl in the bed next to her was crying and she wanted to make her feel better #because she doesn’t really like hospitals either #and when she tells Martha this she’s surprised when the Doctor (who seems quite strong and a little serious) suddenly smiles #and shows her a trick to get extra sweets and chocolate out of the machine #and then tells her to hurry because the check-in sweep of Rose’s ward is about to begin #you just KNOW Rose would be Martha’s most combative patient but in all the best ways #always asking what that machine does. what that incomprehensible doctor scrawl means. if there’s something she can do to help other patients #and Martha loves it. loves how much Rose cares just like her. they gossip and they chat about their daily lives. they get closer #everytime Martha has to scold Rose for sneaking out of bed or doing something she shouldn’t #(even though she secretly adores it. she’s never really mad she just wants Rose to take care of herself as well as other people) #she sighs and says (in her most firm but still fond tone) ‘Miss Tyler-’ #only to be struck in the heart again with a cheeky grin and a ‘yes Doctor Jones?’ #and also Rose loves that Martha is a doctor. that Martha cares. that she works overtime. that almost all Martha’s patients love her #and the ones that don’t just aren’t kind people anyway. that Martha doesn’t condescend. that Martha cares and cares and cares #that Martha likes all the things about Rose that other people think make her difficult and trouble and too much #she likes the things that other people don’t like in Martha either. thinks she’s magic. #Rose Tyler is always going to love her Doctor. and Martha Jones will always love somebody who thinks everybody matters #I’m like. obsessed with them?? move OVER space boy (actually nine can get involved in this. lmao ten stay away) #they’d have been so cuteeeee #rtd failed to see the lesbionic possibility but I am no such coward. no fighting over boys here #martha jones #rose tyler #dw #doctor who

[jikigo]

you ever just see a post and just

. 😭

.⬅️🫀⬅️

#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up #don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon #outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years! #Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid #shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the #entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking #ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so #thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck #And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me #There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder #everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend #“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when #you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn #At least someone wants to talk to me #Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others #promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life #Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting #What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something #It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you #Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn #Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place #And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject #Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like #Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me #It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn #I fucking hate everything

[safety-pin-punk]

i feel i’ve been a bit self absorbed lately but i’m not sure where to begin, any advice? my friends are v understanding and i want to be the best version of myself and not wallow in my own self misery anymore, and they also deserve a better version of me

As far as where to begin, that is a step that only you can decide for yourself. Though if you are struggling with something, theres no shame in going to talk to a therapist when you need one. Otherwise, I’d suggest maybe some self help books or journaling about your feelings

As far as your friends are concerned. Listen to me. And listen to me carefully. IF YOURE FRIENDS ARE BEING UNDERSTANDING THAT MEANS THEY GENUINELY CARE ABOUT YOU AND WANT YOU TO BE OKAY. To them its not about ‘them deserving a better friend’. To them its about the fact that their friend is struggling with something and they just want YOU to be okay. And sure, being a better friend may come along with the healing process. But you need to realize that you cant and never will be a perfect friend. Because that doesnt exist. Your friends love you for you, even with your flaws.

So you see, it’s important while you are working through your own feelings to realize that you actually have really good friends. Who are more concerned about you getting better than anything else first and foremost. And that’s probably what they want you to be concerned about as well. Things come in steps, you’ll get there anon

#mail tag #im so sorry if I’m completely off target #ive just had a very chaotic weekend #my mom was im the hospital then Inwent out to visit my plp and her bf was pissy #and then WHILE Im with my plp 2 hours away from home someone Im really close to checked himself into a psych ward #and I was very stressed out all day yesterday #and now Im just sitting in my plps living room waiting for everyone to wake up so I can go home pretty much and worry about my boy from #the comfort of my own bed at least #but they released him late last night and oh my god I just want to give him a hug and cry #but I know I probably shouldn’t tell him that right now #or let him know I was crying because I was so worried #cause I dont want him to feel guilty for it #he deserves to be happy #so so so happy #and I just want him to be okay more than anything

[peapod20001]

Shhh they don’t know my characters and stories have deeper meanings behind them...

#about my ocs #like how Felix and her dad are kinda an embodiment of the child falling victim to the sins of their parent or whatnot #Nisha is an example of the sacrifices you’re willing to make as a parent for your child #lots of my characters show you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover #loving people even when they aren’t perfect #Sébastien is an example of feeling like an outsider in your own family #August is re learning to love yourself after the world beat it out of you #Beau is finding the light of life after living in darkeness #the entirety of the cast for ‘what makes us human’ is literally different responses and interpretations for that very question. and they can #all be right and all be flawed #I think about my ocs a crazy amount in case it isn’t obvious #for the most part they aren’t just faces like I think REALLY hard about them #which is why I can write them so well when I want to. when I make them interact with their world #anyways I was staring at a picture of Teuflisch just a little too hard that’s what prompted this lol

[sherbetyy]

i feel like. i want to ramble a bit i guess. about things people don’t really care about but i’m a usually a silly billy on the blog so i don’t want to break that vibe so i don’t know.

#a lot of my ☎️ posts feel like i’m talking to a wall. but it’s kinda nice actually. comforting even #it’s like i’m just having a convo with myself which i can’t really do in my home. too many people too many judging ears #one of the many reasons i want to live alone most of the time haha… #anyway. like i said i done wanna like… randomly go unsilly #out of nowhere. and then go back to normal #that just feels kind of weird. #plus i dunno i feel like my problems aren’t really important because other people have bigger issues so i shouldn’t be complaining at all #it’s just a thought but maybe it’s true i DUNNO #anyway if you are reading this sorry to steal your attention. you can scroll now 👍 #☎️

[pepprs]

beaver gnawing on wood noises

#purrs #delete later #this is gonna be a bad / hard post and i’ll have to delete it. like it feels like in making it im invoking cosmic forces to show me karma or #idk like being an ingrate or whatever. but sometimes i find myself on social media rabbitholes looking at instagram pages of.. women who #like really genuinely appear to be good moms to their kids. and love them for who they are and don’t try to make them anything different. #and who celebrate their quirks and stuff. and even share interests with them at the bare minimum. and it just makes me want to sob. like the #knot in my throat. i shouldn’t do it bc i just hurt myself but it’s like. im so lucky i have a mom and that she provides for me. and i know #there are valid reasons for that being all she can do. but also why can’t she… idk.why can’t she ummm love me. or celebrate me. or find #magic in me. or at the very least accept my humanness and be open to me like giving her feedback on stuff. even tonight at this panel this o #one woman was like yeah my two daughters call me on stuff and im like you’re right. if i called my mom on stuff (and i do) she would give me #the silent treatment (and she has) or eviscerate me (and she has). and people in my work life and on here call me endearing and say all #these things. but it’s like none of it can fill up the absolute aching pulsing void that is… my mom. my mom!!!!! is just a person i live #with anr resent most of the time. who has hurt me so badly. and i could have had a mom who like. let me sing and didn’t mock me for it. #and who came in and said goodnight to me and my sister instead of leaving us to o ur own devices because we’re twins and we had each other. #and 14 years ago today was the day that fully cemented in that she could not be that kind of mom and would never be. and i know she tried so #hard and i know she has been hurt and is still hurting. but i just want to scream. like everyone deserves a mom who loves them for who they #are and shit. and how fucking unfair is it that.. like it sounds so selfish and entitled. b it how fucking unfair is it that i got a mom who #im afraid of and then there are people like fucking… m*lissa err*co and sh*ron wh*atley (those are just the famous ones) who by all #appearances seem to be like.. not only loving but open. seeing their children as human and magic all at once. instead of a war prize and a #symbol of their own hardships or whatever. like it’s just so fucking unfair. i hate that this is the way things are for me and that it will #never change and that if it ever does i have to be the one to change it or i have to heal from it and let go of it. like FUCK that! i want #love from my mom! FUCK the fact that she can’t give it to me!!! she has to!!!!!! but she won’t. idk. delete post <3 #like so genuinely i should not be even typing these words bc god is gonna smite me now lol. but my heart is howling #and the shitty thing is i don’t think i’ll be able to be that kind of mom if i ever become one bc of how badly all of this has hurt me. and #bc of all that i don’t even think i want to become a mom anymore bc i don’t want to be the reason a child feels this way or grows up to.

[hobismilitarywife]

.

#//ramble #it’s hard for us of course but it’s the hardest for hobi himself #this man worked constantly in this new solo period because not only was this one amongst the very first chances where he was getting the #opportunity to showcase his skills apart from the ones that people already knew about #but also to indulge in things he wanted to do #he is so ambitious but at the same time he is also very hardworking #he makes his plans and dreams come true and that requires a lot of hardwork from his side #he’s been working non stop since forever #and now this period of inactivity must feel so alien to him :( #it’s absurd how they’re just required to give 1.5 years of their lives to military #i could see from his face how much all of this has affected him :((( #he also apologised to us and also to a lot of his closed ones for being less active during this time #because he truly needed time to process the fact that he won’t be able to work for sometime that he won’t be able to do what he loves #for the next 18 months #id been so selfish for the past few days asking him to upload more at least before he leaves while he was dealing with his own emotions;-; #he shouldn’t have to say sorry to fans for this i should :(((( #i know that it is going to be a bit hard for someone like him to suddenly undergo such a big lifestyle change #but i really really from the bottom of my heart hope that he’s able to adjust nicely #that he doesn’t face anyyyy difficulties whether big or small #and has a smooth experience + transition #hobi we your fans shall always wait for you <3 #also this solo period was so necessary for hobi as an artist to grow #before as well he had fans but during this time i saw a few fake fans leave but at the same time he gained so many true passionate fans who #actually care about him and his artistry #and he needed that imo #if only bh gave their albums equal treatment cause rn the bias is off the charts #also rn the album releases are like a race #they’re all being released so quickly one after another i really do not like this method :/ #all this for an ot7 cb…i miss ot7 so much as well but i think they all should be given the chance to spread their wings equally first…i can #wait for the ot7 cb

[vlindervin7]

muslims will act violently homophobic in a country that values gay rights and then act shocked when it reflects badly on their community

#non muslims pls don’t interract but i’m sooo mad i just need to rant #also prefacing this by saying obvs muslims are not to blame for racism and islamophobia in europe these things would still exist without #all the controversy but omggg #so this group of lgbt muslims planned an iftar for other queer muslims and they had to cancel it bc of the threats they received #and now ofc all the politicians are going on abt how they cannot accept intolerance and this behaviour is unacceptable in a society that #preaches equal rights for queer people #and like… was that not to be expected??? the very muslims who do shit like this will be the first to scream islamophobia but are you making #ANY effort #this meeting was not for you it does not affect you you don’t even have to think abt it but what makes you think sending threats of #physical violence during the holy month of RAMADAN is smth you should be doing #there is nothing surprising abt the far right (who don’t even support queer rights themselves) to jump on this opportunity to make sure #everyone knows that look!! those muslims refuse to adopt our good belgian values #and yk they’d find smth anyway but let’s avoid adding fuel to their fire by giving them real actual reasons to be concerned #and on the one hand it does feel like victim blaming bc marginalised groups shouldn’t be held responsible for the hatred targeted at them #and it’s not muslims’ fault but i’m just so tired like they really can’t help themselves #something so deeply wrong with muslims who make hating queer people their number one priority like… i don’t think you understand what your #beloved faith stands for #it’s just such a shame to have to start ramadan with this kind of discourse everywhere #exactly 0% of this is surprising i could’ve predicted this would happen exactly but it’s just so tiring on all accounts #you want to live your religion in piece without being targeted for it? what makes you think attacking other ppl wanting the very same thing #is a logical response? use your brain and spend some time doing dhikr instead of spreading hate on the internet what is wrong with you

[westofwayward]

tiktok has done irreversible damage to the DID community and thinking about it and all the misinformation makes my brain vibrate with rage

#when we first were more open online about having DID we were so excited to connect with the online community #we made many friends and got to share experiences with people who actually understood us on such a personal level #it was truly a joy and so eye-opening and rewarding and felt so safe #and tiktok just became this festering pit of bullshit and nonsense and ruined it all #the fakeclaiming and misinformation that went on and on #like I haven’t seen another online community get the same amount of fakeclaiming as the DID community #it was insane #like imagine telling someone they’re faking their mental illness??? #or even that it doesn’t exist???? #or having people just decide they were going to have DID — like it was a choice? #?????? #people are so?????? #we don’t feel like we can be open anymore about it #and it really sucks because it affects our life in sooooo many ways #and yeah sure you could just try to ignore all the bs #but that’s a lot of work honestly and so draining and also we shouldn’t have to?? #systems honestly just wanted to connect with people #and stop the stigma #and just like….live our lives?? #it got so messy :( #yeesh… #text #personal

[rosicheeks]

Can we see the painting you did? 😊

Not the one from tonight but here’s a few I did the other day 🥰

#I would show you guys the one I did tonight #cause I really like how it turned out 😇 #but it’s all the way in the living room #and my roommates are sleeping #annnnnnnd it’s so far away hahahahahah #but maybe I’ll show it off tomorrow 🥰 #I have a few favorites that I haven’t shown off yet! #and I’ve been experimenting with gold leaf on some and that’s turning out really cool so far too! #ahhhhh I’m obsessed with painting #I just wish it wasn’t so damn EXPENSIVE #I know I shouldn’t have gone to the craft store today #but I wanted paint gosh dang it 😤😤😤😤😤😤 #I only got a little bit unfortunately #but I’m hoping once I set up my Etsy shop I’ll get some $$ so I can buy more supplies #idk how some people do it #I’ve been watching some YouTubers and they have these BIG bottles of pour paint #and I’m like?????????????????!!!! #I have this tiny 3oz bottle that goes by so fucking fast #I love pour painting but it’s also a lot of wasted paint #I hope you guys like them 🥰 #they’re not my favorites #but they’re still pretty cool in my opinion 😇 #ask #anon #me #mine #paintings

[yourqueenb]

Watching that second diamond scene was something else. It just made MC look like she’s continuously getting played. She lets a drunk Drew take her into his room, say all the right things except for the one thing she actually wants to hear, yet they still end up fooling around? It’s so sad that it starts to circle back into being funny again 😭💀

#choices rwb #choices roommates with benefits #choices #choices stories you play #playchoices #and I know they’ve been hinting at it being bc Drew has been hurt and doesn’t want to admit his feelings #but it’s not as romantic as they think it is 🥴 #especially because Drew and MC still don’t know that much about each other lmao #more so in my playthrough because I’ve been mining the book #if you make a romance book where damn near all the romantic development is paywalled can you really call it romance 🤡 #also same goes to Rebecca in fcl #girl stand up #I like Blake and still think you deserve better #for the simple fact that he doesn’t treat you right #y’all shouldn’t have to be out of the presence of another woman and living together for him to act right smh #choices app #pixelberry studios #pixelberry

[theamazingannie]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: this Buck/pregnancy storyline is the absolute worst and honestly it gives me “couple has baby to save their relationship” vibes except except with Buck’s life and it’s worse cuz he doesn’t even get to keep this one and it’s gonna end in disaster and we all know that but none of the characters seem to think that and it makes me worried about where they are going with this

#911 #911 fox #911 spoilers #evan buckley #like we should not be encouraging people to be out there making babies to fix their lives #why did no one talk sense into him!!! #they’re literally all parents they easily could’ve told him parenting isn’t that easy and he shouldn’t just decide this in a day #i do Not wish bad things on that family but I really don’t want this to last #Im so sick of hearing about it #especially because it keeps getting mentioned so casually when this is a whole ass life changing event

[loptrcoptr]

My neighbors, who have been attempting to edge me out of our shared laundry room and making my home life a pain in the ass: hey, bad news, our lease isn’t going to get renewed in January, we won’t be neighbors anymore :(

Me, the real reason their lease won’t be renewed: oh no, that’s too bad >:)

#personal #basically my neighbors moved in a few months back and the wife has been throwing fits about finding cat hairs in the laundry room #and I mean like fits- like she calls me and accused me of not doongnvenoigh to help with her allergy and making a mess and all sorts of #things that aren’t true. and there are two important facts she neglects to mention. 1) the ad for the house said ‘don’t apply if you’re #allergic to cats.’ 2) the lease stipulates that lessees have to share use of laundry room with me the other lessee. #so basically they ignored the warnings signed on for their and then tried to make her supposed allergy my problem #(never saw her have a reaction she says she gets ‘itchy eyes’ but has no medication. the house is full of cat dander #from my landlords’ cat who lived there until a few months ago but she thinks my cat’s washed hair is making her allergies bad) #the last time she called me nearly in tears saying it’s not fair and I’m not doing enough for her. she wouldn’t agree to anything I offered #to do and I had to keep piling on constraints to get her to agree to stop freaking out #said stipulations: I have to run 2 rinses after each load I have to Lysol wipe top and insides of washer and dryer #and! i have to take the lint filter outside and rinse it out. it’s all such incredible bullshit and she’s never said thank you once. #not once! just treated me like I’m diseased and spreading bf filth and illness and ruining her life and it’s exhausting #she’s been trying to edge me out of my own laundry room and hoping I’ll just say oh ok I’ll go to a laundromat #when I found out they wanted a longer lease it all made sense #edging me out of the space etc. there’s other shit too. #so! when my landlords called to say ‘hey any reason we shouldn’t renew their lease?’ and I was like hahaaaa about that :) #these ppl really thought because they had the more expensive lease they’d get priority lol poor bastards my landlords are my friends

[trobedisontime]

Just started gotham season 5…most of its great!! However can I just say as a disabled person I hate what’s going on with Selina. I know they were trying to reference the killing joke but I just….don’t care? Cause the way they did it was so odd and it doesn’t make sense to do that to a character they obviously can’t make that big of a permanent change to so it’s just turned into a “character would rather die then be disabled” thing and … I kinda hate it… Might change my mind as I watch the rest of the show and this is obviously not a super coherent nuanced thought but yeah it’s just bumming me out

#idk #maybe ill change my mind #I hope so cause I do love this show #I was also really bummed about tabby #but I know that was because the actor wanted to move on to other projects so I can’t really fault the show for that one #anyways #just my ramblings #me post #gotham #gotham fox #gotham season 5 #selina kyle #disabled representation #like idk how seeing a character say they’d rather kill themselves then be a wheelchair user is supposed to make me feel #obviously everyone has to process changes like that in they’re own way and that would be all well and good #if it wasn’t clear that they’re going to use whoever the witch is to just…magic away the disability I guess #which isn’t to much to believe with this shows logic but the logic isn’t my problem with it my problem is the implications that leaves #if she wants to die til she’s cured and we never see her accept herself then it just feels like a show telling me #that I shouldn’t want to live cause I’m disabled #which is shitty #again I havnt actually watched the full season so this is based off of just ep 1 #and I obviously don’t want them to fridge Selina either but I dunno #I just feel this could have been handled better #and it sucks cause I love this show so much #I wanted to watch a fun episode and most of it was…but this part just bummed me out and left me feeling upset #idk could just be me projecting but anyways #needed to air out my thoughts!! now I can continue my day feeling slightly better lol