#and experiences

[tothepointofinsanity]

Sewercide mention.

[It’s about time I felt so depressed and angry again…obviously my parents continue to be a continuous benefactor of my low mood, but now I’m just more sad than anything. Sadness lingers like a cloud on me at all times. I can’t seem to scrub it away. I can’t even die yet because my siblings would be sad lol. I need to review the document I made a month(?) ago to keep myself going on.]

#ttpoilog #I feel bitter that people so often trivialise my emotions #and experiences #everyone gets it from time to time they say #everyone must be stronger than me then #ever since the thoughts of yesterday #the intrusive ones that is #I feel intolerable with my own body and life #I’m just a person to be looked down upon #forever inferior to others by some arbitrary measure #insufferable and loathsome #I really shouldn’t want to live at all

[muckingup]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

here’s my art retrospective for 2022 [as always, also on twitter].

ID and all the writing on these pages below the readmore:

PAGE ONE

[A yellow page. I’m on the left in a full-body drawing. I’m fat and lightskin with freckles and dark, short, curly hair and dark eyes. On this page I’m wearing a yellowish-orange long-sleeved shirt, an open blue button up shirt, and denim shorts with red shoes. I have wire-rimmed glasses on. A note next to me says “This would be one of my outfits if I was a comic book character.”]

[2022 is written on the top of the page with each number being a different color:   In December 2021 I saved up to buy an ipad and procreate, and I’ve talked before about how it’s genuinely revolutionized the way I’m able to draw.

My old setup was slow and glitchy. I couldn’t draw uninterrupted for half an hour. I’ve mentioned before that drawing with procreate felt like I was drawing digitally for the first time.

This meant I could draw faster and doodle. I could try new things, because I wouldn’t feel like I was wasting time if I didn’t like the end result.

[Two drawings are on the page: a drawing of yamcha, tien, and chiaotzu tending to farmland, and a drawing of tien and yamcha on a wooden staircase outside, enjoying a summer day. Both of these drawings have been posted to twitter before.]

I like both of these drawings but this one [the older one of tien, yamcha, and chiaotzu farming] has less refined rendering because I couldn’t take my time with it. That being said, it still took me 2 years to complete it.

In comparison, with my new setup this one [the summer day one] took 3 days to complete.

[a yellow post-it note is on the summer drawing. it says “I posted these one month apart.”]

[the page has stickers and colored pencil doodles on it. there is a holographic sticker of a sun, a holographic sticker of a strawberry, a doodle of a cloud and rainbow, a doodle of strawberries and a daikon radish, and stamps of green clovers on the page.]

PAGE TWO

[A black page. Dark red drops are on the page. My hair is up in a curly bun. I’m wearing clear glasses, vampire teeth, a wine-red button up shirt with a rose and leaf pattern on it, a black miniskirt, red fishnet tights, and black boots. A note next to me says “my outfit for a Halloween party. I was a vampire {an inexpensive costume lmao}”]

I applied to the Shortbox Comics Fair and didn’t get in. I kept flipping between “they don’t know what I’m capable of” and “if they don’t know what I’m capable of, that’s the fault of my portfolio.”

[A red post-it note shaped like a drop of blood is being held to the page by a glow-in-the-dark bat sticker. It says “I had to {and have to} prove to myself what I’m capable of. I’m still finding out!”]

I realized that I had fallen into a pattern of approaching each drawing as a puzzle or exercise instead of starting from a place of emotionality or imagination/excitement. It was like I was just proving over and over that I can render instead of feeling genuinely excited about any ideas I had. I was closed off to learning, and to allowing myself to feel things through my art.

[A timeline has been drawn on a piece of dark blue construction paper and taped to the page. A moon cut from roughly textured purple paper is glued to the timeline as well.]

I spent a lot of 2022 struggling with how I felt about art and creating.

Jan: “I don’t know how I’m feeling about art…”

Mar: “I’ve mended much of my relationship to art…”

Dec: “I’ve hit my personal limitation with art…”

Jan: “I’m more aware of the ways I can improve…”

Now, going into 2023 I feel a lot more solid about my relationship to art, even though I don’t know what the future holds.

[A drawing of ??? mob in a field of flowers as a storm cloud approaches is taped to the page. There’s a post-it note on the drawing that says “This drawing was a critical turning point. When I looked at it I realized how much I was just focused on rendering individual things and not focusing on the whole.”]

[Hot pink dots of glitter glue and blue sparkles drawn with colored pencil are all throughout the page.]

PAGE THREE

[A bright lime green page. Abstract deco stickers in shades of pink, purple, and blue scatter the page. There are also a couple of holographic heart stickers. There are scribbles of glitter from a pen or glitter glue in some of the corners of the page. I’m wearing a pink top with long flow sleeves and a bright apple green pleather skirt, hot pink giant fishnet tights, and olive green platform boots. A note near me says “Birthday outfit!” A note near my boots says “Chunky heels are easier to walk in.”]

[A few drawings have been taped on the page in a row. They are a drawing of Tien, a drawing of Chabago {an OC}, and Mob standing in front of a cobblestone half-wall. Each picture has more complex values than the last.]

Last year I learned more about values. I’ve been thinking more about composition. I plan to keep learning.

[A piece of a pink page of lined paper has been taped on the page. It says “I want to choose expressiveness over complete control EVERY TIME.” Two drawings have been taped on top of the piece of pink paper. They are a drawing of Mob bathed in purple light and standing in front of a large orange cloud with a note that says “still my fav art piece from 2022” and a page of drawings of Emi and Mob from the mp100 mini fan book with a not that says “another fav.”]

[There is a light blue sticky note that says “If a piece of art teaches me something, I save it.”]

[There is a post-it note that looks like a slice of green apple. On it is a list of things I want to do.]

I WANT TO…

… make a short comic!

… participate in a zine!

… buy lots of people’s art!

… go to a con!

… open commissions!

… do an art trade!

AND FIND THE ART I LOVE TO MAKE WHERE IF I DON’T MAKE IT, NO ONE ELSE WILL!

[Underneath the apple post-it note is another slip of lined pink paper with a short list about how I process the way I choose to draw things.]

I PROCESS DRAWING THROUGH 3 STEPS:

The way I think something looks

The way the thing actually looks

The way the thing makes me feel.

[A light blue piece of paper has been taped onto the bottom corner of the page. It says “Working harder/more doesn’t necessarily mean you’re making better work.”]

PAGE FOUR

[This page is light blue and says 2023 in pink and white lettering at the top of the page. Gold star stickers and forget me not stickers are across the page, as well as stamps of purple hearts. I’m on the right of the page, wearing a loosely checkered white and blue dress, a being pullover, and brown boots, with a brown and tan bag. A note near me says “Going to the art museum with my best friend <3”]

[A white post it note in the shape of a flower is stuck to the top left corner of the page. It’s a list of things I want to draw more of.]

Things I want to draw more of…

Bicycles, cafes, telephones with long curly wires, pools and the beach, tennis and table tennis, fountains, trains, busses, subways, birds, bells!

[A piece of kraft paper is taped to the page with pink tape. It says “I’ve been doing more to listen to the inner voice of childlike excitement about drawing. It’s nice because that voice is also more honest about when it’s time to take a break. I want to think more about what I want from art, not just drawing.”]

[In the corner, “I’m starting to feel more comfortable with the idea of sharing personal work” is written in pink glitter gel pen.]

[There is a piece of cream-colored paper shaped like a cloud taped to the page with pink tape. It says “New Art Practices” in multi-colored colored pencil with a rainbow drawn in colored pencil underneath.]

New Art Practices:

Draw more compositionally different thumbnails for each drawing I do

Work on compositions and understanding of color, line weight, lettering, inking etc. for storytelling

Render my thumbnails more thoughtfully to facilitate clearer understanding of my concepts and ideas

[Above the cloud paper is a drawing of Mob standing in a field as a warm wind blows. It’s the cover of the mp100 mini fan book. It’s framed by a cream-colored doily. A cream-colored circle of paper is stuck to the drawing by a glittery pink heart sticker. The circle of paper says “ The thing I’m proudest of from 2022 is the fan book I made. I drew all the pictures in one day, then colored them on the 2nd day. I think the quick turnaround stopped me from overthinking, and I felt a great sense of freedom within the process. Still, I wonder what I could make with a week or a month.”]

And if you read all of this, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

#meet the artist #i guess #nehoy menoy #i figured out how to make different types of holographic stickers in procreate while working on this so that was exciting #this is kinda embarrassing to post but i think of retrospectives as one of the ways artists can be generous to others about their own art #and experiences #i also like how with this long layout you can see how i've positioned all the drawings of me in relation to each other #i mucked up

[saharathorn]

One time I was like “fish and chips were brought to the UK by Sephardic Jewish immigrants from a Sephardi food called Pescado Frito so keep that in mind” and a bunch of Americans found my post and were like “when we make fun of British food we’re only making fun of food made by Honkeys!!!” Like yes. Such reading comprehension. Normal thing to say to an ethnic and religious minority Briton talking about his own culture in his own country. But by virtue of being an American you obviously know everything.

#also idk why this has to be said but America isn’t the only country in the world and different minorities have different cultures #and experiences

[ursidaez]

#posts #found this on geocities archive it spoke to me #i was trying to find good photos to look at :-) #and experiences #etc

[dora-winifred]

imagine if just one time i could go out and socialize and have a nice time and NOT come home and have a physical anxiety attack beginning on the ride/drive home

#just got home from my friend's wedding and spent the whole drive home #narrowly avoiding an anxiety attack #i want to have nice memories #and experiences #ugh

[daylighteclipsed]

ENTRY LEVEL MEANS NO EXPERIENCE. IT MEANS NO PORTFOLIO OF RELEVANT SAMPLES. ENTRY LEVEL IS ENTRY LEVEL

#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GAIN EXPERIENCE YOU STUPID FUCKS #I HATE THIS I HATE JOB HUNTING THIS SYSTEM IS ABSOLUTE DOG SHIT

[necromimetics]

can’t stop thinking about my friend’s cishet partner who said last night that he doesn’t think anyone is the same gender. god-tier take.

#sky.txt #we were talking about how some people conceptualize nonbinary as like a 3rd gender #rather than a huge spectrum of experience #and he just hit us with that

[snakeautistic]

People underestimate how much it fucks you up to be subtly excluded as a kid. I would try to talk to my classmates and be met with disinterest or annoyance. The one friend I had, who I clung to and nodded along to his every word, had other friends he liked just as much or more. And his other friends didn’t care for me at all.

I look back at pictures from the time and see how separated I was from them. I remember knowing I was different. I remember posing questions about the world to the girls playing next to me and realizing that they had never asked the same ones to themselves. That the ways we thought couldn’t be more different.

I kept myself amused with my own fanatical stories and musings in my head. I would wander the playground on a circular path, imagining a friend and being sorely disappointed when it didn’t feel as real as I’d hoped.

There was a bubble separating me from everyone else, thin, and nearly invisible, but with a pearly sheen you could catch under the right conditions. I knew it was there, they knew it was there, and it changed me

#autism #actually autistic #autistic thoughts #autistic experiences #neurodivergent #autism spectrum #asd #autistic #neurodivergence #thoughts

[gabrielora]

When I was younger and researching the autism diagnosis criteria and symptoms, I thought “oh I couldn’t POSSIBLY be autistic.” Because when I read “takes everything literally” I thought it literally meant EVERYTHING and I was like “I don’t take EVERYTHING literally, just most things!” And I just realized the other day that it didn’t actually mean EVERYTHING and that was an overstatement.

#textpost #text post #neurodivergent #actually autistic #autism #autistic things #autistic experiences #neurodiversity #why is there a hyperbole in the statement talking about people taking hyperboles literally

[brain--rott]

"everybody experiences that" says mother who has the same symptom of the same mental illness

#ethan speaks #get therapy #living like this isnt normal and not everyone experiences this #bpd #paranoia #ocd #ptsd #dissosiation

[ames-draws]

I'm fed up with "maybe later".

#ux design #artists on tumblr #my art #user experience

[bumblebeebats]

"Don't just throw ripped jeans away, you can repair them using these 10 cute Visible Mending techniques!!" unfortunately my friend the first point of failure for every single pair of jeans i have owned in my life has been the Crotch and Ass. Knees: fine, cuffs: fine; but 3 years in, and all that stands between the world and my astronaut-patterned taint is 0.5µm of denim worn so thin that every squat threatens to tear it to shreds like wet toilet paper. If the Tiktok craft community could figure out a way to resurrect jeans afflicted in such a way that doesn't involve adding a whole ass buttpatch like some sort of inverse assless chaps situation then that'd be great

#and yes i have indeed experimented with trying to add invisible patches on the INSIDE of the jean but unfortunately #trying to sew anything to the non-euclidean hellscape that is the crotch area of a pair of pants #inevitably ends up 1. (hand-sewing) puckered as hell or 2. (machine sewing) w me accidentally sewing a leg hole closed 😔

[sunbloomdew]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

#on love #aroace experiences #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aspec #aroacespec #sunbloom talks #<3 #just late night revelations #i like love and i love people :)

[dovesick]

endless night

#animal art #animal comic #penguin art #comic art #artists on tumblr #just a comic about emperor penguins #(they are emperor penguins but yellow didn’t go with the colour scheme loool) #(i tried to make it work just trust me lol) #i keep forgetting to upload here woops #sometimes i don’t wanna draw anthros #i’ve been wanting to experiment again #i have a couple pieces planned #but i also wanna do more horror #rlyyyyy hard to decide lmaoooo

[atissi]

i don't really like when people say dungeon meshi is accidentally good autistic representation, because while i understand not wanting to make conclusions without explicit confirmation from the author, there's always the weird assumption that non-western authors somehow don't know about things like neurodivergency/queerness/etc. (on top of the assumptions that east asian authors are somehow more naive or oblivious to "western" social issues).

given that dungeon meshi started being published in 2014, it's not really a "work belonging to its times"—it's as contemporary as any other media we discuss on this site, which means it should be fair to assume it engages with contemporary topics (and at the very least, you shouldn't say that the representation is accidental with so much confidence)

but anyways, the chapter "perfect communication" in ryoko kui's "terrarium in a drawer" is some of the most straightforward autistic representation I've seen, and from now on I'm going to assume that laios's character writing is absolutely intentional in that regard:

#beepbeep.txt #dungeon meshi #ryoko kui #this is me trying to explain h/ollow knight lore #also yayyyy reading new things. chapter 18 'spring' is basically UFUT if you squint (sorry for the jumpscare if you know UFUT) #but the last two pages were such a surprising gut punch....it's hard not to see it as a metaphor for both the experience of raising childre #and of taking care of your parents in old age....aughh....

[acrowseye]

i'm conducting an experiment. everyone who's from an english speaking country state your country, regional area and what you call the following images. i need to see something

#ex: united states > south > sodapop #please rb so more people see #american english #australian english #british english #canadian english #english #english language #dialects #accents #american accent #australian accent #british accent #canadian accent #english accent #america #australia #england #canada #those four are my target audience but all answers from around the world are welcome!! #tumblr #discourse #experiment