Tommy: Admit it. You like my boyfriend!
Eddie: Oh, come on. I mean, am I attracted to Buck? Sure!
Eddie: Do my days feel better when I’m around him? Yeah.
Eddie: Does he get me in ways no other man or woman ever has? Indubitably.
Tommy: ...
Eddie: Do I fantasize about him? Yes, but only in two positions—
Tommy: Really now?
Eddie: Yeah, but he's always behind me, so there's no eye contact.
Tommy: ...
Eddie: But do I like him? The answer is no. You have nothing to worry about.
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118 funny tweets 30/?
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Hen: Alright, what happened?
Eddie:
Eddie: Buck told me he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hen: Ok, and?
Eddie: And I accidentally said “thank god” right to his face.
Hen:
Hen: Eddie—
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Hen: so, how was the honeymoon?
Eddie: Buck got drunk and tried to destroy our marriage certificate.
Eddie: He said, "good luck trying to return me without the receipt".
Eddie: I love him.
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Eddie: No one could ever replace you, Evan.
Buck: Are you sure? Have you checked? Have you ever considered how replaceable I am?
Eddie: What…?
Buck: I bet there are 5 of me in a 2 mile radius.
Eddie: Buck, no-
Buck: I might be spared parts, but all of them love you. Make sure to dispose of them properly when you’re done with them.
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Buck: Eddie, you are my best friend so I got you a friendship bracelet!
Eddie:...
Eddie: It's an engagement ring
Buck: You don't want it?
Eddie, aggressively put it on: Of course I do!
Buck to Maddie: He said yes.
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Eddie: This was 100% successful trip
Buck: WE LOST MY GIRLFRIEND
Eddie: This was 300% success trip
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Buck: Please Eddie no I love you
Eddie: I'm sorry I have to
Buck: Eddie please I'm begging you! After all we've been through together...
Eddie: I'm sorry.
*places a +4 card*
Eddie: uno
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*Eddie and Maddie finally just hanging out and Maddie telling stories about Buck*
Maddie: Buck had his first boyfriend when he was 10 and it was the cutest thing ever
Eddie: Had his first what now?
Maddie: Boyfriend, this was long before you Eddie no need to be jealous, they were kids, it was funny
Eddie: Before me? Huh what when where why?
Maddie:
Maddie: You and Buck aren’t..?
Eddie:
Eddie: BUCK’S BI???
Maddie: 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
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Hen: How has coming out been treating you?
Buck: Oh, I don't tell people off the bat that I'm bisexual.
Chim: Why exactly?
Buck: Because I like to wait until they say some homophobic shit, and then I laugh and am like, "You know I'm bisexual, right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.
Tommy and Eddie: That's so hot.
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118 funny tweets 29/?
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Buck: I am bi—
Eddie: [happy gasp]
Buck: —lingual. I am bilingual. Bonjour.
Eddie: [disappointed]
Buck: Oh, and I am also attracted to both men and women. You in particular.
Eddie: [spits out his beer]
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buck: *acting tough* you guys don’t wanna mess with me
eddie: yeah, buck will straight up cry in public, don’t test him
buck: exactly, i will straight up-
buck:
buck: *tearing up* eddie why would you say that??
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Buck: soooo… you and my sister got married for tax reasons, right?
Chim: no, we got married because we love each other. The tax thing was just kind of… the kick in the pants we needed to finally just…. Do it, Y’know?
Buck:
Chim:
Buck:
Chim:
Buck: Do you think Eddie pays taxes?
Hours later
Buck (walking past Eddie): how do you do, fellow tax-complaint citizen?
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