#LIKE RN YES I AM A LITTLE OVERLY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THEM.

[weizhiyuan]

I love utsukushii kare so much I’m gonna be SICK

#I LITERALLY CANNOT STOP TJINKING ABT THEM #AND WHEN I DO INWANT TO CRY SO HARD #LIKE RN YES I AM A LITTLE OVERLY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THEM. #i have another analysis thought thing that I want to post but every time that happens I have to fight through my emotions so that #the sentences I write actually make sense. do u get it #UGH BUT ALSO NOT EVEN JUST THEM LIKE. OKAY HIRA SPECIFICALLY BC HE IS LITERALLY ME LIKE IVE NEVER FELT SO SEEN IN A CHARACTER LOWKEY… #AND JUST THE FUCKING STORY. THE WAY IT TIES TOGETHER PERFECTLY #OR THE CINEMATOGRPAHY AND EVEUTJTJNG RFGJFUDUDGGGHHRHRGHHH I CANT YALL ITS SO BEAUTIFUL #(saw a really good edit yesterday and it’s not helping this brainrot) #anyway. just had 2 post abt it. thank u #utsukushii kare #b.txt

[delusion-of-negation]

i think there's a lot to be said, on both sides, for "this thing is the mostest popularest thing in The Real World but is not seen as an actually valid thing in online/lefty spheres", because i know there tends to be that inclination to go "literally just step outside", as a response to "let's normalise/appreciate [normalised outside of a small portion of online spaces thing]", but i think that misses the mark a tiny bit. what you're saying there is "go to a place with an overall toxic view of this thing, and enjoy it in that context", when maybe the person was actually saying "i feel like the spheres i've aligned with politically don't have a healthy view of this either, so where am i supposed to go?" and that's not always the case, it is definitely obviously often said disingenuously or whatever, but it probably is best to still respond with more care in those cases, if there's a chance doing so may even disarm the initial statement.

express "yes, obviously having a left wing environment that sees things in a less toxic way than the outside world would be better, therefore if a thing can be done in a non-toxic way, we should be entirely willing to normalise doing so". i'll give an example, i have mentioned this before, i tend to prefer skinny people [lefties feel completely free to gasp in horror] in dating, it's not a "those just inherently objectively are hotter", that's nonsense, i don't think it makes someone objectively hot if i find them hot, or not if i don't either, and i have found some larger people hot, it's just a trend i found in who i tend to like. i have introspected, it's not bigoted (i probably won't go into kink/s too much rn, but kneecaps sexy), i really also don't think it is healthy to overanalyse your every little thought for Signs Of Bad. obviously, outside of lefty spaces, the norms are "skinny, but not too skinny = hot", but you may see an enormous difference between that and what i said. i said "idk it's literally just a personal preference that doesn't mean anything in objective terms" and society says "no this person is objectively a hotter person than that one", and when somebody says that they found lefty spaces immediately assumed they meant the latter if what they meant was the former, and responded to it with some variation of "only dogs like bones", that's a problem with that one lefty space, that's simply reversing society's negative behaviour. saying "just go outside" is saying "go live in the fatphobia world".

no it doesn't happen that much, it's something i've mainly found happens in moderately toxic discord servers with a few newbies, who's politics have barely evolved past "society bad", but yes, it's actually essential that lefty spaces don't jump to conclusions, to demonise and assume the worst of people, and disallow them to pursue a thing in the context of a healthier environment. but i do wanna note there's better examples than this, it's only one i have personal experience of seeing happen, that feeds into another i'll sometimes see, where anorexia is seen as a personal failing we'd better shame and insult, rather than a mental illness and way we sometimes exist that deserves as much acceptance as others in reality, one that is not as accepted and adored in society as folks who's body positivity activism begins and ends at "world hate all fatness, therefore world like all smallness, therefore smallness is actually bad" think, which is an overly simplified binary (as better expressed in a post somebody made about how the world really doesn't want lesbians to be bi or bi people to be lesbians, it's just hating both, but experiencing life as one or the other may cause people to feel that the world likes the other). and i think being an informative, non-judgemental sphere that can recognise such a nuanced situation, and allow people a non-toxic space to have a particular emotion or experience, instead of saying "no, go have those things in a space with a toxic outlook", is more mature tbh.

"normalise masuline men" is sometimes a shitty conservative, in disingenuous attempt to weaponise lefty language against trans people or gnc people, and sometimes some lib gay masc4masc, who's tired of being told he should try femboys, by a toxic friend circle that doesn't understand that's not how it works. yeah, this purportedly left space should accept any gendered expression, i think. i think him seeing masculinity in a positive light, and being supported in his tastes by his friends, is better than them saying "literally just go outside [where all the toxic masculinity is, and i'll additionally add, where being gay at all isn't accepted, even that masc4masc guy, if anything he'd be seen as defying a gendered stereotype himself because both 'wear the pants']". if you cannot surpass your urge to shrug somebody off, and see complexity in statements like this, you're really not a very good lefty advocate. (additionally, more femboy for me, masc4mascs are a blessing).

[forbidding-souda]

sorry if this is a bit much but can i please request a female reader having a secret crush on souda & putting love letters into his locker? and then souda finds out its her and confesses? tysm!

Kazuichi Souda with fem! Reader that has a secret crush on him

Ya’ll are so creative this is so cute yes yes yes this is gonna get a lil cliche just bc it’s me and i’m outta pocket rn it’s 23:00 deal with me for now

I was gonna americanize it but I really wanted to go with my comfort of calling him Souda instead of Kazuichi - so on that note - does Hope’s Peak Academy have getabako’s????? Does anyone know??? Bc istg those kids wear their outside shoes in that academy.... maybe only the reserve course wears the indoor slippers LMAO.

Also btw am i the only one who liek??? Am I tripping or does my tumblr not notify me when my asks are answered? Bc when I checked the accounts of the people, my ask was posted, but I didn’t get a notification ya’ll am I tripping or.

-Mod Souda

Once again, you spend most of your class time with color pencils, coloring the edges of the paper you wrote on that morning. You shade in hearts, lollipops, and cute things of the sorts.

The writing, in perfect pen, just compliments him on the kind things about him. His beautiful smile, his joyful laugh... oh, just everything you love about him!

Even thinking about him makes your chest all fuzzy, plus a little twing of anxiety.

You have started putting love letters on his shoes in the getabako, which is a fine venting system to get your feelings out directly but anonymously, but when will you get tired of it? 

Putting your love letters in such a dirty area is disgusting on your behalf, too, but it’s better than risking it to try and put them on his desk.

It’s not going to satisfy your need for communication for much longer.

He’s also obsessed with Sonia, which isn’t a plus on your behalf. Just thinking about it gives you a headache. 

Souda, make it make sense!

You sigh through your nose once the bell rings. Pack up the color pencils and wait for him to put on his shoes and leave. That’s easy. 

Just like every other day.

He talks with Tanaka when he walks, passing your classroom. You distinguish his voice immediately.

It’s interesting, actually. The two of you have almost never talked. Well, maybe a bit.

You’re a nice friend of one of his classmates, so when you often get free time after school, you can sneak your way into the bunch.

Every conversation with him is ingrained into your memory. You couldn’t stop being amazed by him! His hair, his smile, his eyes. You complimented it all!

Now, you follow their voices down the hall, waving bye to your peers while slipping the note in your book bag.

Thoughts start to slip into your mind. What if he is going to start waiting by his getabako? Has he planted one of his friends to try and spy you out?

Maybe places them there isn’t safe anymore.

Or you’re just being overly suspicious. Jeez, this is all too overwhelming!

After putting on your shoes, you look over. His locker is void of people after all. 

Again, you put the note on his slippers before walking away.

How embarrassing.

The next morning, you wake up early to get ready for school. 

And then, you take time to start writing your love letter of the day.

Your mind seems to be occupied recently with Souda Kazuichi. Is that really healthy? 

Maybe you should start focusing on other things.

You should paint your nails. Yes, that’ll help!

What color does Souda like? He does like pink, doesn’t he? Pink will do then.

Sitting, with music playing softly in your house, you paint your nails a vibrant shade of pink while the sun begins to open up in the morning sky.

Being slow isn’t exactly your whole deal. So you were cautious enough to paint your nails after getting all ready. And with wet nails, you pack your halfway written letter and head out the door.

You blow on your nails the entire time there, whining once you notice the smudges on some of your fingers. Embarrassing! You should have spent more time to wait for them to dry. 

It doesn’t matter all that much anyways. Not like anyone will notice your nails.

Souda is putting on his shoes by the time you get there. Around the same time, how romantic.

You smile a bit.

“Hey, Y/N!” He greets. You take a short time to scan his person for the note. It’s tucked into his pocket, you can vaguely see. At least he has it.

“Good morning, Souda!” You wave to him.

He pauses for a moment. It draws you back a few steps. Is it not morning? Is that not his name? What did you say wrong?

“Did you paint your nails pink?” He asks, eyes wide with amusement.

That’s a relief. But also not. He wasn’t supposed to notice.

“Oh, yes I did, but I smudged them though so I’m not too happy about how they turned out.” Stepping close to him, you display your nails out.

“You did them this morning?”

Every part of you is nervous. What should you say? What can you even respond with? Will he think it’s weird?

“I had the time.” You just say before turning to but on your slippers. He smiles from behind your back.

In class, as usual, you spend your time decorating the card. And since you didn’t finish it in the morning, you even wrote some of the words in different colors! It looks cute, and it’s definitely a way to waste your time. Nothing really goes on in Hope’s Peak Academy. Who knew.

But eventually, after the school day, you put the letter on his shoes. Hopefully he isn’t cheating by waiting.

That always plagues your mind. But he wouldn’t do that.

The walk home is peaceful. The sky is cloudy again, and if you look up, it’s cellphone wires and a blueish grey hue. Not gloomy as always.

Maybe you’re just happy.

Happiness. It’s such a positive thing. A boy - that doesn’t even belong to you - is making you happy? It seems like such a timeless, fleeting thing.

Hopefully it can be permanent.

The morning comes again, where you eat breakfast and prepare for your day at the academy.

You stare at yourself a little longer in the mirror today. Would Souda like you? 

Your hands run down your shirt. Of course he would! You shouldn’t be so silly.

Packing up the daily note, you make your way to school again.

The sun peers down at you. That’s sweet. Brightening up your day.

It makes you laugh a little.

When you get to school, you don’t see him. He’s probably already in class.

You slip on your shoes before calmly walking towards your class.

Oh?

Souda stands, his arms crossed, looking anxious. 

You almost turn around.

Bye.

But he notices you quickly, his eyes lightening a bit. The deep fear in your gut doesn’t go away, only worsening as he steps closer to you. You’re frozen in place. Your feet have melted to the ground.

“H-Hey-”

“It’s you, isn’t it?” He almost looks excited.

“What?” Unbelievable.

“The notes... it’s you, right?”

Your cheeks start to heat. “Just tell me if you planted someone to wait for me to put them down. Is that how you figure it out? Jeez, I assumed you weren’t going to cheat like that!”

Every possible emotion swirls through his eyes for a second before settling on a soft smugness. He pulls out a letter from your pocket, and twisting it to show the back. “You smeared that pink nail polish on it.”

Honestly, you had assumed that had happened. It wasn’t a big deal until he noticed your nails that morning.

He continues, “But yes! I love the notes you give me, I was looking forward to them every day! I really think you’re cute, S/O... so do you want to go on a date with me... sometime maybe?” 

His confidence drizzles the more he went on.

Your heart levitates. It is like your entire body is surrounded by hearts.

“Oh, of course! That would be lovely!”

The two of you stand there, bewildered by each other. It’s quiet for a second.

“I - uhm... see you after school, then?” He suggests.

“That would be lovely, Souda.”

A blush forms on his face. “You can call me Kazuichi.”

#danganronpa #kazuichi souda #kazuichi souda x reader #kazuichi soda #kazuichi soda x reader #danganronpa kazuichi #hopes peak academy

[thehugwizard]

hey Noah, sorry for bothering ya, ik you’re streaming rn but I just rlly need to vent, ya know?

it’s been 2+ years since my dad died, and I haven’t cried once for him. he was a good dad and I love him very much, but I just can’t seem to cry for him. even my stepdad cried, and he has such a grip on his emotions and I’m scared

I want to cry for my dad. I just can’t. I keep worrying something is wrong with me, because I cry over such trivial little things, and I’m overly-emotional, but I just feel... numb

it’s the same with my grandpa’s death. I want to feel sad, and I do, just... not in the way I’m supposed to I think. I’m sad, yes, but it’s more numbness than anything else. maybe it’s the depression meds? I’m not sure. it just makes me feel even worse that I can’t cry for them. it makes me feel like a bad person, and I don’t want to be a bad person. it scares me. what if people think I’m not actually upset over their deaths?? it’s just so frustrating. I miss them. they would be able to make me feel better. I don’t know how to bring it up to my mom. I know she’ll support me, tell me I’m no less of a person for not crying but I’m just so scared. I’m scared of talking about death. I guess it makes everything realer or whatever, that they’re not coming back, no matter how much we want them to. how much they want to come back. I’m just afraid that this means I’m less of a person. am I not a good person? am I even a person if I don’t cry over a loved ones death? I don’t know, and that scares me

I’m sorry for ranting, I just really needed to get this off my chest. thanks for listening/reading this

-mooch

No problem and im sorry you are feeling like this

#death tw #tw death #tw death mention #depression tw #tw depression

[somewhat-crazy]

I would like to ask for a mash-up.

What I look like:

I have light-brown hair, that go about five inches over my chest, a bang and heaven-blue eyes.

Other facial features:

Thinn, frameless glasses, kept in the colors of black and white.

Body size:

As much as I hate to admit it, I am what people might call "fluffy".

Gender:

Female

Age:

21 years old. (Almost.)

Sexuality:

Straight with a thing for intelligence.

Personality type:

INFJ-T

Favorite music:

Classical music.

Favorite color/contrast:

White and blue.

Favorite animals:

My top three:

1. Spiders

2. Praying mantis

3. Dragonflies

Hobbys:

1. Drawing

2. Writing

3. Crafting

4. Occasionally sewing

5. Gardening

6. Singing

7. Acting

8. Studying

9. Hiking/Camping

10. Taking care of animals/Do researnch on animals in order to learn more about them

Things I like:

* Spiders/Bugs (No. Spiders are not bugs.), Peace and quiet, Intelligent people, Languages, Things being in order and going according to plan, Animals in general, The forest, Explaining things, that are exciting to me, science like physics, chemistry and biology, psychology, sociology, anatomy, music,

Things I dislike:

Rude people, loud people, dumb people, stress and fighting, techno music and any kind of rap music, my pencil order being messed up, chaos, Boredom

Things I hate with a burning passion:

Demons, anything hell-related, demons, My work being messed up, demons, being ripped out of my train of thought, demons, Misplacing my glasses, demons, being late, demons, people being late, demons, people, who torture animals, especially spiders, demons, fould soul-scents, demons, People who demand me to instantly open up to them, did I already mention that I hate demons with a burning passion ???

Backstory:

I had a rough and rather traumatizing childhood, which caused 14 years of full-blown panic attacks.

Luckily I got out of them by now, even if there are still a few triggers, where I have to be careful

.

Strengths:

1. I have a good eye for the minimal details.

2. I can focus on a task on hand for hours.

3. I am able to be independent.

4. I am intelligent/Creative.

5. I am determined to get something, if I want it.

6. I have no tendencies to get physically harmful and I have no tendency to get angry, since doing that, and also the emotion in itself is a waste of time and energy, that could be used to be productive.

7. I am always thirty for knowledge and I am a quick learner.

Flaws:

1. I take far too much time to open up.

2. I am often cold and distant.

3. I am a perfectionist

4. I am very mistrusting or shy.

5. I tend to not care for my "friendships" or about people in general, because I see people's flaws apon the first look or at least tend to do so.

6. I tend to take some things too personal or be overly sensitive sometimes.

7. I have insanely high expectations towards others and I build up my walls so high, that barely anyone can claim over them.

Personality:

How others describe me :

1. Polite.

2. Overly quiet.

3. Slow to anger.

4. Intelligent/Smartass/Nerd/Geek.

5. Patient.

6: Sweet.

7. Caring.

8. Different from the rest.

How I see myself:

1. You may laugh or say, that I am crazy, but due to something the bible calls "gift of telling the spirits apart" (Yes, I am a christian and I love it.) and my natural empathic, observing nature of an INFJ-personality type, I am able to often know things about people that I am not supposed to know and reading people is the most easiest thing for me to do. I may not necessarily say, that I have feelings of myself, but I am able to copy the feelings and expressions of others quite well.

For those, who know black butler, I know very well, what it means, if Sebastian is taling about the scent of souls, since I am capable of smelling it too.

2. I am a mix of the empath-INFJ and the sigma-INFJ.

Anger me and I may become a so called "dark empath", if you keep it up long enough.

(I've made one of my bullies cry her eyes out by just using a few simple words.)

3. I like to keep to myself and have plenty of alone-time, due to me being naturally introverted and quite preserved.

4. I am very analytical and tend to analyze just about everything that comes in front of my nose or in my sight. That is also caused by trust issues and a few traumatizing events in my past.

5. If a person earns the right of being let inside by me/the right to call themselves my friend, I tend to become warmer step by step/become rather caring and protective of that person.

That person gets my full attention and I dedicate a lot of time to them.

If they should hurt me though, I doorslam them and they never will get close to me again.

Since those things, I've written down here are very personal and usually very private information about myself, I have allowed myself to stay anonymous to grand myself a little bit to safety.

Thank you in advance for writing this.

Goodbye.

okay but can i just say that you sound really cool 🥺 also rq are closed rn but i really wanted to write this, so i did. since you gave me a lot of info, i was able to write this a bit longer ^^ at first i really thought you matched with EJ until i got to the demon part,,, then it was like oh well we can find someone else haha. also (ik this is a super long note), but you're the only person i've interacted thus far on my blog that's a christian, so hey! im not baptized or anything, but i try to keep my blog family and christian-friendly :3 since i wasn't sure what denomination you're from, i didn't talk about religion too much

I match you with: Helen / The Bloody Painter

(under the cut bc its pretty long)

im honestly really really intimidated by the two of you

you're both very private/reserved people, so most of the time you two spend time in more quiet and calm places

some people might not even know that you two were dating until you said it explicitly because you just never mentioned it before

he absolutely loves how much he understands you because of how similar the two of you are

it took quite a while for the two of you to warm up to each other, but once you did, it was pretty smooth sailing

he doesn't mind your religion whatsoever; he was raised Catholic and is loosely Christian, although isn't baptized and doesn't go to church much

he absolutely loves doing any sort of work with you; you guys work well together and get a lot done in short periods of time

honestly just finds you fascinating. the way you carry yourself, your preferences and hobbies, your creativity and diligence; every single day he learns something new about you, and he loves it

you two learn a lot together; many long nights of reading or pouring over new information, analyzing data and researching things

although he might never say it out loud, he actually thinks that you're really cute; he loves your eyes and gets lost in them a lot. if you ever call yourself "fluffy", get ready for a 20-minute lecture about how you're beautiful and perfect the way you are and that's that

loooves drawing with you and gets you a lot of art-related gifts (although he doesn't mind doing any of your other hobbies with you ^^)

he also likes insects/bugs and spiders, and is happy that finally he found someone else who isn't grossed out by them he actually has a pet tarantula named Ekii 👀 so hopefully you like tarantulas haha

won't ever force you to open up about things, especially if it's about your past or anything triggering for you

you'll probably have to get used to hanging out with Puppeteer a lot as well-- I promise, he sort of gets better the more you get to know him (emphasis on 'sort of')

he draws you a lot and would be really touched (although he wouldn't say so) if you did the same to him

he's really interested in your empath abilities and how that works. asks a lot of clarifying questions and soaks all of the new information up

since Helen is also a bit of a perfectionist, he understands and tries to get you to be a bit easier on yourself will literally force you to stop working and go take a walk if he needs to

speaking of which-- nature walks, hikes, camping, he loves the forest too!!

although he listens to a lot of different styles, he's glad that at least once person enjoys classical music as well; he likes turning it on quietly in the background while he works :3

to make a long story short; he absolutely loves and adores you, especially since he can understand you so well although he's not an empath, he understands your emotions very well and would do anything for you ^^ <3

#creepypasta #creepypasta matchups #helen otis #creepypasta x reader

[justbeingalittlenervous]

4 Things My Therapist Taught Me That Are Helping Me Cope Right Now

Raise your hand if you’re feeling uneasy RN! 🙋🏻‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏿‍♀️

Yep, that’s what I thought. Whether you deal with anxiety or depression on a daily basis or are experiencing these feelings for the first time, we’re all navigating a situation that no one has ever had to deal with before. Hats off to everyone who is going through it right now—we’re all in this together! Negative emotions range from anxiety and worry to depression. If you’re dealing with any of this right now, you don’t have to go through this alone. Many therapists are offering Zoom or Skype sessions right now with no added fees. 

After a few years of in-person therapy under my belt, I’ve learned a lot about coping with negative emotions and training my brain to go against what it naturally likes to do (i.e. catastrophize and freak out). I’m currently employing those techniques and coping mechanisms to my day-to-day life while staying home and protecting myself and others. Here is everything I’ve learned from my therapists over the years that might help you get through the negativity and stress many of us are dealing with right now.

1. Redefining productivity

When I’ve been in a depressive episode, I have a tendency to get caught up in all-or-nothing thinking, which convinces me that if I didn’t start my day with an hour workout, a healthy breakfast, and knocking three things off my to-do list, the day is wasted. And especially with staying at home, my morning routine is more important than ever. It’s easy to spend all day watching TV and feeling like absolute garbage, but sometimes it’s exactly what we need. When I get like this, my therapist has explained that I should redefine what it means to productive for myself. Productivity doesn’t have to be as concrete or linear as we make it out to be, and she said that if I transfer my focus to the things I did accomplish, that’s productive in itself.

Cooking dinner for myself instead of eating a roll of crackers from the back of the cabinet? Productive. Moving from my bed to the couch to watch TV? Productive. Brushing my teeth and re-doing my messy bun? Productive. If you’re in a place where you can do more, go ahead, but I’ll be the first to admit that this time has been extremely tough for me (just as it has for many, many others), and just doing the bare minimum can make me feel like I’m beginning to come out of it.

2. Connecting with others

I’m a horrible texter (and not in a cute, “I’m just so busy!” way), and I tend to push people away when I get sad (hello, yes, being my friend is a freaking blast!!). When I am physically alone for long periods of time, I convince myself I’m alone in general, and once loneliness sets in, it’s hard to come out of. Through therapy, I’ve done a lot of work on training my brain to stop thinking in ultimatums and outcomes that are entirely based on emotion rather than fact. I am physically alone, but in no way does that mean I am mentally alone. Taking just a small bit of my day to force myself to talk to a friend (likely about something totally random) has made those feelings of loneliness when in isolation subside much quicker.

3. Stop glamorising isolation

I’m always one for cute pajamas, sheet masks, and quirky blue light glasses. Sometimes, all you need is the little things. But seeing people isolating with giant pools in their backyards and a new tie-dye sweatsuit every day and workout equipment abound makes me feel jealous and like I’m not doing enough.  

This isn’t “spring break.” Everyone is just trying to survive right now. I have to be respectful that some people might be coping with their feelings in an entirely different way than me, and that doesn’t make them irresponsible. Through therapy, I started understanding that I need to focus on what heals and fuels me during this time and to stop comparing or glamorising the ways other people are getting through it.

4. Focus on the facts

Catastrophizing is a common emotion anxiety-sufferers experience. It’s basically when we experience an emotion and immediately think to the worst-case scenario; you make a catastrophe out of a current situation without any actual fact that it’s going there. Catastrophizing is quite easy to do when our world seems to be saturated with bad news right now. It’s the idea that if you do poorly on a test, you’ll never become a doctor; if your partner doesn’t text back in an hour, they’ll break up with you and you’ll be alone forever; if you can’t go back to work in the next month, you’ll lose your job and your income and your home.

But it’s detrimental to our mental health to constantly be worrying about worst-case scenarios we have no fact to even back up. You’re making a situation seem much worse than it actually is based on little-to-no facts. I’m a little more than known to do this, and through many therapists I’ve learned the importance of focusing on the facts in front of you instead of emotions. In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), there’s the concept of “wise mind,” in which you combine your overly-logical mind (thinking in the black and white) and your overly-emotional mind (catastrophizing) to establish a medium point of thinking.

To do this, I write down the emotions I’m feeling: anger, anxiousness, and fear. And then I follow the facts. I am feeling scared because I don’t know what’s going to happen next month, but the fact is that no one knows and we have to follow the guidelines set before us for the time being. I am feeling angry because I don’t have control over what’s going on around me, but I can control how I react. I stop myself from thinking ahead and immediately feel relieved.

#self care #mental health #covid-19 #therapy #coping mechanisms #stay home

[sunbirddtellsstories]

What are your headcanons for Omi, Clay, and Raimundo in reference to MW? If you don't get the chance to fit everything into your story, would you consider writing one-shots to go along with it? What was your inspiration for writing MW, aside from wanting a Jack Spicer redemption? What's your writing process? How long have you been writing? Are there other fandoms you're into besides XS?

This is going to get LONG and I don’t want to split it up because internet is bad here so apologies In advance but here we go:

What are your headcanons for Omi, Clay, and Raimundo in reference to MW?

I’ll start writing them and posting them as soon as I finish answering this one. It might take a bit, but you’ll see them up in a few hours or so.

Believe it or not those headcanons help me a lot when it comes to figuring out characters. So thanks for asking! I appreciate it.

If you don't get the chance to fit everything into your story, would you consider writing one-shots to go along with it?

Hell. Yes.

There is SO much I want to do. I want to write about how each Dragon found their element. I want to write ALL OF THE SHIP FUEL for Jack x Jermaine x Timber. I want to write about them having little mini episodic breather adventures in lots of different countries and cities, I’m talking Mumbai, St Petersburg, Venice, Paris, Capetown, Aguascalientes, Melbourne, everywhere! And maybe run ins with villains, for no reason. I want to write about them teaching each other about their strengths, like Jack explaining science to Jermaine and Timber or Timber teaching them two city boys how to fish and forage for food.

Also more moments of Jermaine reigning these two natural disasters in and teaching them how to be actual people. Because that’s always fun.

I want to write little moments between characters in Team Xiaolin during their quest to track down Team Spicer and I want to write moments between Seon Yeong, Rai and Kim as a trio. I want to write post-MW! Fics between characters and how they learn and grow after the events of the story - especially Kimiko and Timber as total opposites and the only two girls on the team. And I really want to write a ‘beach episode’ where Jack, Jermaine and Timber just end up warping to a tropical area and just have fun for once.

I want to write solo fics about Jack and Jermaine and their personal struggles as they grow up with their own troubles prior to MW!

And a part of me really, really wants to start posting a mini fic about Timber’s life in Silent Harbor, to show her slow, sad descent into the troubled teen she has now become and as a build up to the events of Chapter 6 of MW! where she runs into Jack for the first time. It would be SO spoiler-y though.

There’s a lot that might not fit in MW! And I would definitely write a bunch of mini stories. I don’t know who would be interested in reading all of that, but I might do it just to brainstorm ideas and explore character interactions.

What was your inspiration for writing MW, aside from wanting a Jack Spicer redemption?

I’ve been wanting to tell a XS story since I was a kid! This show was my everything! The characters were my everything. And even now it holds a special place in my heart. So the drive to write something for this fandom has always been there.

As for MW! itself....I’ve always had a fondness for Jack Spicer. I’ve always wanted him to find some semblance of happiness and have someone there so he’s not alone. And a long time ago, that someone became Timber.

But Timber wasn’t who she is today. She was Latina, and Californian, and a bubbly pink ray of sunshine and positivity. And Jack had a crush on her and she was his bestie and she was essentially an overly competent sidekick for him and then Clay had a crush on her and she was the Dragon Of Wood and Jack was the Dragon Of Metal and he was going to sell his soul to the Heylin side to finally earn Chase’s approval and she was gonna save him from himself...well, you get the picture. And I liked her a lot, and I still miss that version of her sometimes, but...she wasn’t interesting enough. And there wasn’t really a story there. At least not much of one. What was there could have been interesting on its own, but it was pretty self indulgent and I don’t think anyone besides me would have enjoyed reading it. And that’s no fun.

Then I had the idea to somehow bind Timber, an innocent civilian girl, to Jack through magic by having her make the idiotic mistake of betting herself in a Showdown with him over a Wu that was hers and then lose, and then essentially being dragged along on all of his adventures and slowly becoming friends with him while hilarity ensues. Then I had the idea to make a game breaking Wu that just...caused trouble. And the story then became about Jack accidentally dragging a civilian girl along on a warpy portally adventure with that Wu and run into all these villains as they become friends.

But when I did this, it didn’t feel balanced. I had someone on the Heylin side and I had someone who was Neutral. So then I needed someone as a buffer between Jack and Timber so they didn’t kill each other and to represent the side of Good aka someone who was Xiaolin.

And then Jermaine came along!

And as I developed the story more, I realized I wanted to tell something serious, and have all the characters grow and play off of each other and talk about the XS universe and answer questions and give everyone this big, long journey and great trial and give Jack actual character development and actual friends/love interests and have someone from Chinese Mythology be the Xiaolin’s ultimate adversary and Jack’s final test of character. And along the way, MW! was born.

And I’m really grateful for that.

What's your writing process?

Usually first I write up a few ideas of what I want to happen, like the general flow of the chapter. Then I make a chronological skeleton of dialogue, and I tweak it until I’m satisfied. Then I write the rest of the stuff like actions and descriptions.

One of my flaws is being redundant. Another is being overly wordy. So after I write it all out, I try to trim it down and tweak it as best as I can until these flaws are no more (I sometimes skip stuff) and then I just play around with the chapter until it feels right. It has to strike an emotional chord with me and get me excited to write it before I publish it. If I don’t feel that spark, it doesn’t go up.

I had a few people in the fandom volunteer to be beta readers, but my chapters are so long...so right now it’s just a couple of my closest friends who are looking at it, the main one being my friend CVD, who also wants to be a writer. She’s got a good eye for what does and doesn’t belong and I’m forever thankful. My other two, Trinket and Papillion, look over it and help let me know how they feel about things so they’re also a big help. So shoutout to you guys!

And then after all that noise, my stuff goes up.

However, my older chapters could use one final spellcheck and revision so I’ll eventually go back and polish those up a bit. Typos man. Typos....

A lot of times I’ll also take breaks to do some research and find inspiration music. Honestly there are days where I can’t figure a character or a scene out until I find JUST the right song for inspiration. And since a lot of characters in my fic are from a different country and cultural background than mine, I’ll do plenty of research to try to stay true to who they are. I’m doing a lot of research on the Bedouin tribe and its history and looking for a lot of pretty Middle Eastern music right now, for example. YouTube is a great resource for these things! Bless the internet!

How long have you been writing?

Since forever! I’ve always been making up stories in my head! And they’d get elaborate too! I’ve built so many worlds and characters just by playing around as a little kid, I can’t even begin where to start talking about them all. As I grew, I started to write them down and now I want to get serious about it! Besides Monkey Wrench!, I want to write a fanfic for the Ducktales 2017 fandom and the Black Butler fandom, and I have two original novel ideas I want to write out and get published. It’s my dream to make stories that other people love and that inspire others to learn, write, make stuff and have adventures and stuff. Literally my dream is to make stories that get a buttload Of fanart and cosplays and fanfic and just...move the world for the better somehow. That is my highest goal rn. Being a published and famous author.

Are there other fandoms you're into besides XS?

Hell yeah! Although I do tend to have periods where I hyper fixate on one at a time. Besides Xiaolin Showdown, I also like Gravity Falls, Storm Hawks, Steven Universe, Star vs The Forces Of Evil, and Ducktales 2017. There were a lot more in the past, such as Teen Titans, King Falls AM, The Boondocks, and Samurai Champloo, but I haven’t been very active in those fandoms as of late.

I really need to get into Tangled: The Series, OK KO, Victor and Valentino, and Craig Of the Creek. They all look phenomenal, I just don’t have time to get into them all yet.

#xiaolin showdown fanfiction #xiaolin showdown monkey wrench #monkey wrench! #xs monkey wrench #xiaolin showdown monkey wrench! #sunbird answers #nneefa #thank you so much #seriously i needed an ask that traffic was awful!!! #and as always thank you for reading! #monkey wrench! spoilers #jack spicer #xiaolin showdown oc #jack spicer xiaolin showdown #xiaolin showdown jack spicer #jermaine xiaolin showdown #xiaolin showdown jermaine #timber wilde #xiaolin showdown timber

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I need advice. Today I was talking to friends about a teacher they thought was cute, and I just so happened to have her class so I was just talking about how pretty she is. My boyfriend who's sitting next to me was being quiet and my friend asks what's wrong. Then he just explodes, yelling about how Im checking out teachers, and how he's always loyal to me, before storming off. Im a pansexual girl btw and I just want to know if you think he was overreacting a little. His reaction kinda scared me

(Goodness gracious this is long EDIT: I mean my response is long, not your ask!!! Sorry, Anon! the tl;dr is at the bottom!!!) 

To start off with, in a way, yes, I think he was overreacting – rather, he was acting purely on his emotions rather than taking a deep breath and combining his internal emotional responses with his internal rational responses, and addressing the issue from there.  I don’t think that he should have taken his emotions out on you.  I completely understand acting on strong emotional impulses like he did, because I am prone to doing that myself, but I hope he apologizes later, and understands that while it’s okay for him to have his own feelings about things, he still needs to treat you with respect. 

Ideally, he would have stuck around and asked you exactly what you meant when you said this teacher was pretty – giving you a chance to explain your position.  Like, I’m guessing this is simply a case of “oh, hey, that person’s good-looking,” and very much not a case of “I’m going to cheat on you with my teacher.” Noting that someone is cute is not equivalent to being actively disloyal to your partner, imo, but people have different perspectives on this, and it’s a tough topic to really give a yes or no answer to.  

Wrt a monogamous relationship, some people are not comfortable with their partner talking about anyone else they find attractive at all.  Some people are comfortable with it to a certain, specific extent (ex.; it’s fine to talk about, so long as it’s not brought up to the point where it seems like their partner wants to, like, literally jump into the arms of the other person).  And some people are totally fine with their partner talking about other ppl they think are cute, as much as they like.   

Your boyfriend’s feelings are valid, but his actions were not fair to you.  He needs to be able to talk to you about what he is and isn’t okay with in a relationship beforehand (otherwise, how could you have known that this would bother him so much?)

Basically it’s important that you and him can discuss his and your needs and boundaries, so you can hopefully come to a solid compromise~!!! A potential example of a compromise might be that you’re able to say things like “hey, that person’s cute,” so long as you make it clear that you have no intentions of actually trying to date them, so he (your bf) isn’t made to feel jealous.  That’s just an example scenario, though – a compromise simply needs to be something that is fair to both of you, and that both of you can remember and comfortably utilize in the future.  That’s something you’ll both only be able to (hopefully somewhat peacefully) achieve via open, thorough communication with each other.

That being said, it definitely sounds like there’s a lot going on in his mind rn, and I don’t know him myself, so I can’t fully hypothesize what all caused the sudden outburst.  What I mainly know is that he primarily let his emotions get the better of him when he reacted like that, and when our emotions alone are guiding our decisions, we often overreact, or react in ways that can lead to pain and misunderstandings on all sides.  : ( 

I’d wait for him to cool down a bit, and when it seems like he’s in a better mood, see if you two can talk about the situation, why it caused him such distress, and relationship boundaries/compromises.

***Also, since this is a teacher you’re talking about, I just want to make sure you’re all safe, and that neither you, nor your friends, would actually try to get too close to this teacher (whether in a romantic, sexual, or even just overly-friendly way).  It’s totally okay to notice when someone is attractive~!!! Personally, I’ve had a lot of crushes on teachers.  However, it’s always important to make sure that you’re all strictly keeping it to a “I can see that this person is pretty” sorta level!!! Teachers are in positions of power/authority over their students, so actual relationships with them would be unhealthy (and would be downright dangerous if conducted between a minor and a teacher!!!!!!!)***

I know I seemed to get off-topic there, but it’s a) just something I gotta make sure of, because I want you to have a safe, healthy life, and b) might also have contributed to what upset your boyfriend.  I’m not sure about the latter, but it could be something to bring up in conversation if you and him are able to talk this all out soon~!!!!! 

*******tl;dr (sorta): Again, sorry this is so long.  :’) I tend to over-explain relationship stuff… I realize you mainly just wanted to know if your bf was overreacting, since his explosive response caused completely understandable fear in you! Essentially, yes, I personally believe he overreacted, likely because his emotions were really strong in that moment, and he didn’t pause to think about how to more effectively address what was bothering him.  This can happen within relationships, causing pain, fear, and misunderstandings – fortunately, those things can be resolved if all partners are willing to respect and listen to each other~!!! The main way to accomplish this is through in-depth communication with each other about relationship needs and boundaries!!! Important note: it’s okay to think a teacher, or other authority-figure is cute, but it is Not Safe to ever interact with a person like that in ways that go even slightly beyond strictly platonic and professional!!!!!!********

Best of wishes, Anon~!!! Stay safe out there; I truly hope everything works out well~!!!!!! xoxoxo

#relationships #advice asks #anger #boundaries and expectations #school mention - #age gap mention - #long post - #ask to tag - #anons #scotchasks

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anon post

for all 3 of my fans

i live for ur wit and sass

thx n same

Dont fuck with the best! Kate works hard to get the craziest anons to post in her yard, and I've got nothing but respect. There's no fan in the fandom as genuine and earnest as she is. Wishing her and her cats a long and healthy life!

lmao yall need to quit

you've probably answered this already but what do you think will give vm the best shot at the OG?

a good short dance + a good free dance + gui missing the catch-foot on his twizzle again

Are you taking the bar exam this summer?

no i just finished my first yr

I will cry if T&S end up together, They would be a horrible match. Surely I'm not the only one who sees this??

i am ashamed that this is the level of trollin i get. step up ur game!!

"i hope tessa marries semple so i can see all the shippers cry tbh" Poor Alex! Marrying him would probably restore his self confidence and prompt a return to the cfl! Still holding out hope!

honestly alex was the hottest of all her bfs. fedor is balding, has a dad bod n is wearing khakis on the beach now. and semple was always fug. also rl talk i didnt know canada had its own football league until this guy came around. thats so cute for canada

"i hope tessa marries semple so i can see all the shippers cry tbh" I want her with the Bitove guy. His family looks like the type that will post tons about them on sm afterward.

lmao yall know his grandfather started the toronto raptors?? i knew this brodie’s last name sounded familiar. also apparenty he and his fam golf at trump’s resort @ mar-a-lago VOM. tessa is 500% going to end up with a smarmy, filthy rich trust fund kid like him like its not even a question

Hey now. I want shippers to get overthemselves, too, but Tessa marrying Semple, god no. Basically, Tessa, open your eyes and save yourself.

lol i actually wish she was still dating him so all this mindless speculation rn would stop

Bitter and hateful is what I come here for. Anons should just fuck off and go to the Disney website if that's what they want.

vm fans are so damn soft n sensitive about everything lol, i rly wish some of yall would stop taking everything i say so seriously

Please come back, without your snark the fandom is controlled by the most delusional shippers.

i’ll post more when there r actually things 2 talk about. being around here when nothing is happening and ur all screaming into a vacuum about the same things over and over is like being institutionalized in a loony bin

why are you always up so late?

nhf for this east coast bias, it is a perfectly reasonable time in california

Which of the current/rising juniors do you see making tbe most impact next quad?

carreira/ponomarenko are going to win a olympic medal in 2022. even if the shibs, h/d and bock don’t retire, i see them easily rising through the pack - they just have the Look and aren’t without talent. i’m iffy on the rest - mcnamara/carpenter are too creepy and weird, parsons have no height difference and are siblings, both are coached by an unproven staff, everyone else are varying levels of mediocre. hawayek/baker will go to worlds 2018 if they’re lucky and prob never again if no one else retires.

i wouldn't take h/d's music choices as an indicator of what vm will have. they are the c team and vm are the a team in that camp. look at last season... h/d got stuck with marie-france's lame ass idea of the evolution of music and vm got prince.

true..... altho i think personal taste is important too. tessa would die b4 she ever approved an ‘evolution of dance’ sd

I want Tessa to steal Fedor back from Meryl. All that drama would be hilarious. Fedor lost his looks and is butt ugly now so he is exactly Tessa's type, even more so than in 2009.

i nvr thought he was that cute but he literally looks like he goes door to door selling pool cleaner now

I noticed that when Tessa shakes hands or kisses someone on the cheek (like during medal ceremony or interviews) Scott often puts a hand on her lower back even though there had not been any physical contact between the two of them before said handshake or kiss. It just always surprises me and I'm not sure I understand why he'd do this. What's your take on it ?

lmao ik u want me 2 say its bc his subconscious is screaming out in jealousy and he wants to covertly claim her and show the world she still belongs to him but i rly think they r just touchy ppl who like to touch. or hes makin sure she doesnt lose balance and fall off the podium as she’s leanin over

moulin rouge would've been a much cooler choice in 11/12 for their musical fd instead of funny face, but i don't see them doing it for their olympic fd. it's a bit tacky and overdone. i figure they'd want to do something that's a little bit more special and unique then that.

ia it wouldnt have been a bad filler fd for an off year. i just dont see it doing it for their Last Ever and for the olympics. its such a warhorse - what could they possibly say with it thats original? and its such a character piece - they r such overly emo, earnest ppl, i dont think they’d want to do something that different from themselves for their Last Ever. 

huh what, vm don't stand a chance against moonlight sonata?? Pls... that would be a flop, such an overused piece of music everywhere, it's like Für Elise - hearing the first notes of it makes me vomit in my mouth a little

ya bc no one’s ever won a gold medal skating to a warhorse before

it sounds more believable to me than vm and moulin rouge tho

What interpretation? PC will just float around. They can do that in any key and judges will eat it up.

true, gui gui is a demon

No way. The judges will think they're watching Gordeeva/Grinkov again and just hand the gold to them immediately.

remember when pc said they didnt even know who torvill and dean and g/g were lmao

If scott doesn't cut his disgusting gutter frat boy hair I'm renouncing my Canadian citizenship and moving 2 Peru

was legit lookin @ pics from autumn classic n skate canada and i cant believe how short his hair was then, i can not believe i was complainin so much. i am honestly such a whiny bitch lmao this is my punishment

i have mixed feelings because Prince is the best short dance of VM's career so far but then Latch was one of the worst lol. It dragged in a lot of areas, especially the middle, and it never felt complete. I don't hate it by any means but considering we only had 2 free dances left and that was one of them... :| so I'm torn between trusting MF, and then thinking she's one misguided song choice away from ruining VM's swan song.

the thought of mf picking out the music for vm’s last ever fd makes me kind of sad. like yall have no ideas? at all?? ur relying on instagram suggestions and mf’s adult lite fm spotify playlists for inspiration? im surprised n disappointed tbh, like they arent kids anymore, i thought they would take more ownership of their careers. 

but idk we’ll see. whenever i complain a lot, i usually like their material later lol

why do i feel like vm are gonna come out in their sd with despacito... the justin bieber version...

ok who is this person who keeps sending me despacito questions?? you sound like you want it to happen more than anyone else and are trying to will it into existence

It's funny because Tessa is SO cautious about everything she/they say, that she comes off/is rehearsed--I don't understand why she cares so much. They are not politicians or even super famous. Plus most people who watch (excluding Tumblr fans bc they're all extra) watch during high times like Worlds and Olympics. Most people don't watch interviews and press conferences. If they do watch one, it's usually only the fun "game" interviews or the mainstream ones like etalk which they are not tons of

idk what this is in reference to but ok lol. it prob matters to her bc its her life and she cares bc its happening to her? just spitballin here

Oh no what has Max Trankov said I'm scared to know now. If he's a Trump fan I might have to #nopeout lol he’s russian and a male chauvinist pig. he once said he wouldnt do a quad with tati until she had a baby for him...”and then maybe we try”

still gonna stan his trash ass to the end of time tho

Speaking of bad music cuts I could not stand the way HD's music was cut this year. Like I like all the songs they used individually but it just felt so weirdly put together like the songs didn't flow well into the next. The only part I liked was the last part with earned it.

really? i thought earned it was the part that seemed completely out of step with the first 2 pieces of music. the transition was way off and the tempo was so much faster than the other 2

The Facebook q&a is the first time I felt vm are actually compatible enough to be a couple.

should’ve published this steaming hot take when u sent it a month ago bc i have no idea what this is in reference to now

what do you look like?

tired mostly

haha funny how we went from vm are in a relationship to they hate each other.

dont ‘we’ me bitch i have nothing to do with this fandom’s daily emotional yo-yo-ing

Can you explain the Tessa/Kaitlyn Weaver friendship? Are they really friends? Kaitlyn seems like the kind of girl Tessa would make fun of behind her back.

more like kaitlyn weaver is tracy flick and is trying to bring down everyone in her path tbh

I get a bit of a superiority, cold vibe with Tessa, don't you?

no but i dont have self esteem issues

I think people who find Tessa cold and snobby do not get her at all. Yes, she is far from perfect and her feminism is all (...) but to call her cold and unfeeling means you haven't been paying attention at all. Like get off her dick and/or stop following her career.

i dont think shes cold either. standoffish maybe, but i dont feel like thats from superiority or aloofness. some ppl just want to mind their own business and chill?? not everyone’s a chatty cathy like scott

Music stresses me out. The only thing I've gathered from all of the various discussions is they should be exciting but not too exciting because it's an Olympic season. But they shouldn't also be too safe. Like I know you have mentioned various choices that would be good but what would be in your mind the ideal program, both SD and FD. It's their third Olympics, so how do they build on the past while still being fresh but also them. Or do they just not and give the audience what they want?

something original thats not a warhorse but is also audience friendly and is instantly musically palatable to a lot of ppl

so basically mahler

Which songs from moulin rouge should they use?

if they were doing mr (which i doubt), the orchestral score is 500x better than the cheesy ass nonsense from the soundtrack. like come what may with nicole kidman’s tremulous bird vocals and ewan mcgregor literally straining not to pop a vein would almost be too dramatic and Too Much. i think that kind of thing only works for a v specific kitschy, performative kind of team (a la russians) and wouldnt vibe with vm’s super earnest approach at all. but the orchestral score is genuinely moving and effective in a less garish way

but i dont think they’re doing moulin rouge lol

"the movies honestly made it hard 4 me to interpret hermione’s undying loyalty and devotion to harry as anything other than latent sexual attraction tbh lmao" Hahaha, pretty much. Plus, the whole Harry and Ginny thing, even more so in the movies, seemed to come out of nowhere and was cliche as fuck.

is bonnie wright still acting? i’ve seen dead fish more alive than her on screen

LMAO someone posted a clip from VM's show when they were having dinner with WP and they were talking about how WP live together and they ask VM how they deal with one another and LOL I stg I started loling cause their reactions were #priceless. S literally just had a WTF look on his face while he said something hella awkward & T looked like she wanted to slap him. Her follow up that she doesn't think they could ever spend all their time together just cements why they'll never date for me.

lmao that whole scene is so stupid. kaitlyn n andrew r such good friends i swear

Thanks for setting that anon straight. Set some boundaries so that they don't egg on shippers?? WTF. They're fine with doing what they're doing, and if they're dating others, those others are obviously fine with it too. Besides, it's not like they're filming porn or something. If you can't handle it, stop watching them.

idek what these r in reference to anymore but it sounds dumb as hell lmao

Wow I cannot believe that people actually think VM owe fans any explanation for their relationship/partnership. Like we don't know them, we're never going to know them or be friends with them? Why the fuck do they owe fans a detailed explanation of their personal business? I stg these shippers have lost their damn minds. As long as VM continue to put out good programs and do well I couldn't care less what they're doing off ice. Whatever it is it's clearly working for them. You do you VM.

the entitlement of some fans is insane. its STILL happening now with tessa’s ig now too. why dont yall just let her live n let her white-girl post to her hearts content. she is literally doing nothing differently to what every other skater does, idg this absurd criticism

Fr tho both of them have such nice teeth and I've never seen pics of them with braces, like how??!?!

tessa’s r so nice i cant believe she’s never had braces. and they r such a natural white? like u can tell w most skaters that they get it professionally whitened but hers dont have that artificial look at all

Are you in college? Your bio says 23 but it said that last year too.

i actually turned 24 a while ago im just 2 lazy to change it. im in law school currently

I just read an ancient interview with vm where they said Mahler was about getting married or something... WHAT

ya i cant remember if it was them that said or marina that said it tho. i remember a story about a guy who wrote them saying he and his gf were watching mahler at the olympics and once it was over, he was so moved he got down on one knee and proposed to her and marina was like ‘thats what that program is meant to do’ lol

Do you think Zach is a good skater and partner? I keep changing my mind on him.....

he is such a bland, wet noodle - no taste, no flavor, just empty white carbs. its up to madi to add any spark to the team bc she’s the real star, he just stands there and is tall and can lift her

Why the fuck are so many people freaking out because Tessa did not attend a wedding with Scott. 1. They are not dating so there are no reason for Scott to bring her. 2. She has people visiting 3. I bet they don't even hang out off ice 4. I think Scott has a secret girl in Ilderton. 5. TS not dating. I wish people would claim down.

this is so far back in my inbox i have no idea whats happening

I love it that whenever Tessa posts an IG story the fandom goes crazy analyzing and speculating about Scott what there even when he is clearly not Then there there are talks about TS wedding. WTF Soon it will be TS having babies. I am wondering if maybe the fandom (new fans) are mixing reality with those fanfics.

honestly no clue

I know this has been discussed before but I don't get how Scott and Jess even communicated. Jess could barely seem to understand English back then and Scott couldn't speak French. I wonder if them not being able to speak to each other is part of why they lasted so long actually

lol bryce davison actually learned french so he could communicate w/ her. not scott tho lol

I don't think T cares too much about fs friendships the way other skaters do. Of course she's friendly with a lot of them but she's not really close with anyone except her partner, which doesn't really count lol. She has her own friend group outside of skating and that's what she seems to stick to. It's funny you mention Meryl, Brooke, Tanith, and Lauren because they're all still really good friends.

honestly i think skating stressed (stresses?) her out so much back then that she really hated being in that world for too long. i dont blame her for wanting to disconnect and not having to hang out with skaters who just talk about other skaters and skating 24/7

I don't mean this in a mean way. Watching Avatar.  If you paint Meryl's face blue she could be in the movie 

it kills me when ppl say she looks like a disney princess? ya the ant queen from a bugs life maybe

I think Tessa sometimes forget that Scott is a huge part of why they are successful and she wouldn't have all of these deals w amazing brands if they weren't so strong+didn't win everything. it's easy to put her on the pedestal bc she's gorg and can dance, but he should get/deserves just as much credit-- i mean he is the one lifting her and she could not do any of this by herself. sometimes i get the vibe that she thinks she's too good for him. maybe he's not as fancy, but he has a heart of gold

i’ve literally never gotten that she thinks she’s too good for him...? they go out of their way to pay each other compliments all the time and dont even jokingly diss on each other. its actually kind of weird that after knowing each other so long their relationship isnt just one long roast section where they talk shit about each other bc thats what my relationship w/ all my lifelong friends r like....but then again im a flinty bitch and they’re super earnest and emo like all the time. like i bet they both cry during sex

i find it kinda gross, disturbing and a bit pathetic that so many people feel the need to write erotic fan fiction about Tessa and Scott--like they are real people not characters, and it's kinda creepy that people spend so much time writing and reading them. Also, i would pay a million dollars to have someone show TS what people write about them--they would literally die and so would i--some fans are kinda extreme crazy

u know how on graham norton when he’s always showing celebs really erotic fanfic and fanart of themselves and they’re just dying of embarrassment?? i would literally pay everything in my bank account (so like....twenty dollars) for someone to do that to vm

omg it's gonna be so awk when tessa and scott have to see klawes...poor klawes, she just could not hold a candle to tessa. still don't know why klawes still follows tessa's insta--like i would unfollow and would not wanna see some of the pics t posts of TS giving each other lovey looks/touchy regardless of whether ts are together or not. also, it's never like t and klawes would actually be friends bc they're polar opposites

v disappointed that the olympic summit did not deliver on this #drama

tessa and kl were real friends tho, i think its sweet. and its nice they still keep in touch even tho scott is a dog

Are you a fan of tessa's style? She wears so much expensive yet ugly shit in my opinion.

lmao no. i think some of her casual wear is cute, but she wears some of the most hideous high fashion shit ever when she’s going out. like that blue carpet jumpsuit? yall know wht im talking about. those hideous trousers??? also she wears an unbelievable amount of boring black dresses

also gf needs to do smth with her hair. tired of her high bun and slick pony. she looks way cuter w/ her hair down imo

Do you think Tessa pays for all the Adidas stuff she wears?

no she def gets it for free. i was a walk-on my freshman yr of college for half a second and even i got a bunch of free shit from nike

How do u as an ed sheeran unstanner feel about ts doing these songs their obviously using him for the sd next season and i wouldnt be suprised if they use him for the fd as well

reading this made my cholesterol go up

really hope they're exhausting all the ed sheeran options now so they won't actually use it for comps lol

ngl i do kind of dig that embarrassing white boy rapping galway girl song but that cld prob just be my girl saorise ronan hypnotizing me like she always does

Minus the horrific man bun, do you think Scott's hot? Also, do you think Tessa finds him attractive?

no and probably yes now that hes so fug

Do you think Scott's attractive?? Also, do you think Tessa being told she's beautiful constantly on sm has made her get a big head--she often comes across as a bit cold and stuck up prancing around in her $1000 + outfits? Love her and she's gorgeous but...

some of yall need to stop projecting your shit onto tessa for real 

Power plays of the figure skating journalists. Inside Skating does a very literal interview and article with P/C which blows up and then they go to Jackie Wong so he can basically write up a damage control press release. Kind of fascinating to see both journalists doing their thing with the same content. Hard to believe Inside Skating didn't think their article would create a storm. Interesting.

speaking of jackie, skaters r really going to him for their exclusives now huh? dying that ashley gave him her big la la land fluff piece instead of tsl. pays 2 be nice and kiss ass

Doesn't look like KH/JLB will have much of a chance to advance cuzis so crowded with the current seniors not retiring and juniors moving up. KH/JLB needs to work on their twizzles, thier lines, skating skills, chemistry looks promising. Some of those junior and senior teams should consider representingif they want a chance at aCanada doesn't have any promising teams once VM-WP retire. I feel like CB, SS, HD ain't retiring till they win Wch or OG which may never with PC around.

hawayek/baker could prob skate for gb because jean-luc has citizenship and carreira/ponomarenko could prob skate for canada bc she’s from montreal but i doubt the us fed is letting either of them go. they’ve invested way too much at this point. i don’t think c/p need to move tho, i think they’re talented to rise organically through the ranks. i think they’re more likely to be us #1 instead of not tbh

I don't understand the whole David and Tessa affair; like some people say it happened after he was separated and others talk like it was a full blown affair. The only thing I do know is that her being called a "homewrecker" or anything else of that nature makes me want to punch something because it's disgusting, and it's society go-to response. Be cruel to the woman and basically give the man a free pass. But maybe he received shit, too? I just never heard about it.

i think he was basically separated but not divorced when it happened

Do you think if TS and Cappelini and Lanotte switched partners they would be a good team?

lol no. anna’s not a great skater and luca looks like he’s shorter than tessa

Wait is that Tessa's ex Semple in that photo you posted of her pre and post nose job? Cause if so damn does she lowball herself. Like she could have such better looking guys I do not understand. Girl is very pretty she needs someone to help her pick better guys.

~we accept the love we think we deserve~~

I think T is cringeworthy as a speaker bc she's sooo gd rehearsed. Not a things she says comes across like she didn't practice it in the bathroom mirror 75 times that morning. She would be pretty good if she could lose even half the pretension in her delivery and tossed out the eye rolly words she keeps littering the sentences with like privilege and journey.

they honestly both suck. she’s worse than he is, but they’re both super stiff. and they always do this forced banter bit at the start which just seems so awkward lol

That one anon pointing that some have denied the nose surgery - this is exactly what annoys me about those shipper blogs, not that they are shippers (you can want them two to be together- that by itself doesn't bother me), but their ways and how they always have to insist on vm's perfect image - they all get so upset and aggressive when you point some issue out, like why would you deny Tessa has done a nose job... so out of touch! vm are interesting exactly cause they're real people with flaws

i can not believe ppl r denying her nose job. like yo its right there. it does lend credence to my theory that all shipprs r just hallucinating n seeing things that arent there tho

If Tessa and Scott did hook up while officially with SOs I have a feeling they wouldn't consider it cheating.

ok lmao??? im sure something extremely profound i said provoked this

how rich do u think scott and tessa are???

prob millionaires by the time 2018 comes around if they get their sponsorships

-

i might do part 2 later if i can be bothered... but nothing really makes sense out of context lol, its like watching charlie kaufman do slam poetry

#Anonymous #vm #fs

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x10 recap

(Aka the one where Patterson suffers more than she ever deserves to, and the team begrudgingly adopts Roman)

So, here I am, back by... well, vague demand... to provide you guys with another overly long and rambly recap. It seems that, regardless of what this show does, I will inevitably have a lot of thoughts and opinions about it-- and surprisingly there's some of you who are actually willing to suffer through reading them haha.

So I hope everyone had a nice hiatus/holiday period, and here goes. 

Okay. Shit. I have to say that this show totally got me here with the whole Borden vs Patterson pistol duel. I was convinced that Borden would be the one who was shot, because who the hell would dare harm our precious Patterson?? The writers, apparently. (Sadists, the lot of them). Also to Borden's credit, he does sound genuinely horrified when he realises he’s shot her, and I do really still believe that he truly cared about her. But sigh, way to sink my ship, show. And then ugh my lil baby slumping against the wall and being all “don’t touch me!” and ugh this is the worsstttt

Ok where did Jane spring this fancy-ass car from? Isn't the usual method to go for something old and nondescript that can be hot-wired, rather than something that probably has like inbuilt GPS or something? But ugh anyway poor Roman looks like a freaking mess. But come on, Jane, bringing him in on your own is a terrible idea. The moment he wakes he'll be like a frightened and cornered animal and just lash out. Aaaaand yep, there he goes, with the head-smashing and the almost-shooting. And then he literally goes, tossing himself out of the car. That was kinda cool, tbh. But sigh, Jane honey, mistrust is practically a part of his DNA, of course he's gonna flip out rn. I feel so sad for her though, she's literally always just trying to help and yet only ends up getting beaten and battered because of it (either physically or emotionally) and then abandoned. Ughhhhhh. 

Naw Readey baby. I'm so glad you're okay. And apparently enjoying the morphine buzz lol. And aww Zapata has been there watching over him and ugh this friendship is everything

Interesting that when Nas recaps the mission and the explosion to Weller, she doesn't mention that Reade suggested aborting when they lost a cell signal and she was the one decided to press on. Honestly rn I can't tell if her guilt over the dead agents is genuine or she's more upset that Shepherd both outsmarted her and got away. But of course Weller reassures her, because he supports his team no matter what. I just wish he hadn't placed his loyalty in her. Also I know Archie is a fantastic actress but I literally cannot stand the slow, pausing, breathy way she makes Nas speak. It just sounds so stilted and makes it difficult to actually focus on the scene. But I'm sure gonna try and focus because Weller has finally pulled his head out of his butt and is actually making protecting Jane a priority. (Hallelujah). Then he tells Nas they need to find her and she's all "I'm not hopeful"-- and yeah, I bet you're not, lady. You're probably hoping Jane DID die, so there's no one around to stop you manipulating Weller. But ugh the tears in Weller's voice... finally, boy, you're realising just how much you cannot lose Jane. And just bc I’m feeling magnanimous, here's a hint for that thick skull-- it's because you LOVE her, you idiot. Gawd. Anyway, Zapata is once again being cast in to the role of Team Anti-Jane, which is kinda freaking repetitive and annoying, but hey, the writers need to put other characters in opposition to Jane just to make Weller's support of her stand out all the stronger, making us ~love how he fights for her~ so we forget all the times this season he was a complete ass towards her. Like don't get me wrong, I love Jeller, and I actually also look forward to the moment that Zapata and Jane come through this with an even stronger friendship, because that's undoubtedly (or at least hopefully) what this is eventually leading to. But sigh, even though I can somewhat justify Zapata's behaviour as a result of her fear and trauma over the explosion and Reade's injury, I just wish her attitude towards Jane could be a little more nuanced and complex than the current GRRRR JANE'S THE VILLAIN HERE GRRRRR. And Nas doesn't bloody help by planting the suggestion that if Jane returns, it could just be to continue spying on them. Thanks, devil-lady. Next time I'll ask if I want your input. But aaaaaaaanyway, I'm gonna move on from that and instead cry a lil bit over "Jane was-- Jane is loyal." Oh, son. Took you long enough, you giant idiot. She just had to almost die for you to get there. And then ugh next thing we know Jane's being dragged into the bullpen and ughhhhhh "Please I just need to see if they're okay" aND UGH SHE LOVES THIS TEAM SO MUCH IT HURTS ME, she loves them even despite how poorly they've treated her lately (yes, they had ~some~ reasons, but seriously). And then ughhhhh Weller is charging over there like an enraged bull and I love that for a moment Jane doesn't know if he's angry at the guards or her but then he demands the cuffs to be taken off her and ughhhh she has a second of relief before she's apologizing over and over and desperately telling him that she didn't know-- bc lbr, from her past experience she would totally expect to be blamed for this, and she's not wrong (lookin' at you, Zapata and Nas). And then Weller PULLS HER IN FOR A HUG and she's all ??????? because whaaaat? Affection and reassurance?? What are these strange things?? But ugh the way her eyes close and she sinks into him for a second ughhhh I JUST WANT JANE TO FEEL SAFE AND LOVED AT ALL TIMES PLEASE. THIS IS ALL I WANT. But lol he tells her that they understand and there's a little camera cut to both Nas and Zapata who are very dubious as to whether they do understand and sigh I can practically read the rest of the season's theme in just this few seconds of footage. But anyway then ugh there’s Jane's distress when she sees that not all the team is there-- the terror that they might have been hurt and just ughhhhhhhhhh. Also thanks for that totally wooden-sounding line about Reade's surgery, Zapata. I’ve decided I'm going to  interpret the stiltedness of Audrey's normally flawless delivery as her not approving of her own character's attitude lol. But anyway Jane drops the Borden bombshell (naww, she says "he doesn't work for us", because she's on their side and always has been and ughhhhh) but anyway everyone has a collective "oh shit" moment as they realise Patterson and Borden are both AWOL. And then Jane brings up Roman and then has to explain what happened to her (that's right, guys, Shepherd planned to make her watch you die because she knew that YOU ARE ALL* (*minus Nas) JANE'S FAMILY AND LOSING YOU WOULD DESTROY HER. CAPICHE???  Ugh. But ugh Jane tells them everything Roman saving her and then about zipping him etc. And sighhh Zapata's got her angry pants and Jane-glare on yet again, but again I'm going to put it down to fear for her friend's life because that's the only way I can justify it without getting annoyed by it lol

Aaaaaahhhhh my baby Patterson. Waking up with your wound apparently fixed by the very man who shot you. Interesting that it seems (from the DWB thing) that he was officially trained in general practice/family medicine, and yet can also apparently do the job of a psychiatrist, AND perform surgery. Amazing. Such skills. Also okay I have to say some things bc I have such an issue with this bullet wound. Like people always seem to get shot in the abdomen in movies and shows (even like Jane did at the start of the season), and it's always all "oh it's okay, the bullet missed vital organs" but like uhhhmmm you know what fills up like the entire abdomen?? Bowel. You know what has a ton of blood supply that bleeds like mad, and also contains bacteria that can easily kill you if it gets into your bloodstream? Bowel. Ugh. And don't even get me started on how unsterile this whole environment is. But aaaanyway, it's tv and therefore she's totally fine and dandy rn, even magically managing to pull the IV from her arm with zero bleeding and disconnect the other end from the bag without it immediately gushing all over the floor. Maaaagic. Still, the fact that she's planning on strangling Borden with an IV line is pretty badass haha. Tbh the tubing would probably snap, but whatever. And then aaaaaaahhhh Shepherd is there and Borden tries to bargain for Patterson's life, even though all it achieves is torture rather than death. Welll.... you tried?

Meanwhile the team's still searching for Roman, and Weller comes into the lab where Zapata and Jane are already running a search, standing on opposite sides of the table. Mmm, symbolic. I wonder if they spoke at all?? Did Jane try yet again to explain herself, to beg forgiveness even though her crimes are long since paid for and now she has nothing at all she needs to be forgiven for? Sigh. But anyway, Zapata used her hacky skills to use Patterson's system to track Roman's phone. And finally he answers and is all ??!!!?????!, which is fair, and ugh my little crazy puppy is more like a little lost puppy at the moment. I kinda wish Jane had told him his name was Ian rather than Roman, tbh. But ah well. Then Roman gives very vague directions for where he is (seriously, man, you could be a lot more specific) and ugh he's just such a mess rn. He's actually literally like a puppy, and can’t concentrate on anything but the most basic of needs and sensations. Naw my baby

Ughhhh poor baby Patterson, suffering though both physical pain and emotional heartbreak. I had such high hopes for you two. And then ugh "everything I did was for my late wife" and lol Patterson and I have the exact same reaction: "just what every girl wants to hear" lol. Ugh, my poor baby. Borden truly seems a little unhinged rn, which is so sad. I miss my beautiful sweet cinammon roll of a man. I miss the Borden from our fics, the sweetheart who is as loyal to the team as any of them, who uses his training to help them and his empathy to support them. That Borden is long gone, now. But omg Patterson "Oh I'm sorry. Your side sounds really cool, so you should just go ahead and untie me, because I'm converted" lolll.  That’s my lil sassmaster. And then in the other room Shepherd’s finding out that Roman's been zipped and wow this show is really enjoying these dramatic sharp-closeup camera shots rn lol

Ugh Roman's exchange with the little girl. Slightly disturbing with the whole fork thing (though lbr I'm not a huge fan of kids messing with my stuff either lol) but kind of sweet in a sad way when he asks if he knows her. He's searching for any connection and is so saaaaad. And then all the 'hunters' (haha, get it? Coz they’re hunting him?) come in and wow that's a lot of practically identical looking dudes haha. It's like a camo print and baseball cap convention in here. And he gets the lady and the kid out but there are other customers in this place, what about them? You can see them in the background briefly but there’s never any screaming from terrified bystanders when the shooting starts lol. But ah well, mere details. Thankfully Jeller arrive in time to be part of the shootout, which ends when Roman stabs the guy who's shooting at them in the neck. Which is a lil vicious, maybe, but let's not forget Jane nearly choked a guy to death on her first day out of the bag. These two seriously have both survival instincts and protective instincts up the wazoo. Granted, him more on the former and her more on the latter, but still. 

Ugh and now Roman's cuffed in the interrogation room and Jane is upset about it and Zapata's like "Reade's injured bc of him" which is not entirely unreasonable since Roman WAS the one that got all the explosives and helped set up the trap, so....  but then Nas, in her usual manipulative way, supports Jane-- bc while she agrees Roman is ‘the enemy’, she still wants to use him and she knows a gentle approach is the best way to do that. Wow, snake-lady, Weller sure picked a winner for his rebound. Well done, my idiot son, I’m surprised she hasn’t bitten your head off during sex yet. But anyway speaking of idiots, now they're all telling Jane she has to lie to Roman about zipping him, because even though they vilified her for lying to them (when she did it to try to PROTECT them), they're suddenly fine and dandy with lying when it serves their own purpose. And yes, I can understand their perspective-- Roman might be their only way to save Patterson. But Jane lying to him now is eventually going to destroy anything she builds with him in the future. And my, my, doesn't this all sound familiar?? Then she goes in there and ugh my poor lil puppy is still so lost. And she promises that the team can help him like they helped her and tbh part of me is kinda dubious about that, especially the whole "they helped make me feel full again", given how they've treated her this season...  but at the same time it is also kinda true bc in S1 they gave her a purpose and a 'family', and at least in S2 so far she has still had the purpose part. Plus, she says 'helped', indicating that they weren't solely responsible for making her feel full again. I think a lot of that she did herself, just with assistance from Weller and the team and a little from Oscar and Roman and Oliver and basically anyone that she connected with even briefly. But still, the fact that she lies to someone she loves because the team made her is upsetting to me...

Speaking of upsetting, Shepherd's getting her torture on. Although honestly, as far as torture goes, this is pretty weak. All talk and no action, really. Like yes, a perforated eardrum hurts. But like Shepherd herself says, it does heal. Which was obviously what the writers were aiming for, because it's Patterson, and you can't permanently injure her or disfigure her since she's a series regular. But dude this torture is actually kind of embarrassing. People can perforate their eardrums just from cleaning their ears. Such a minor injury is hardly effective torture. And reinserting the needle in the same ear, trying to get her to suddenly break and talk? Completely pointless. If she was serious about torturing Patterson, she'd take an eye. Or smash her fingers, like she vaguely threatens to do but doesn’t ever get close to doing. Or if she wanted to keep her hands intact (ie, she wanted to use Patterson for her skills later) she could rip off fingernails or toenails. Cut off toes. Slice a bunch of cuts into her body. Break her legs. Poke her in her wound. There are literally so many ways to inflict pain on someone, and the fact that Shepherd supposedly chose this one only is just too ludicrous for me to believe. I mean c’mon, writers. As much as I would have hated seeing Patterson hurt, YOU chose to put her in that position, so you at least do it right...

Awwwww Roman's in the magic lie detector machine and he looks so sad and worried and Jane's there watching over him and ughhhh he just wants to help her and have her approval and ughhh my puppyyyy. Then Nas just ups and leaves partway through and Jane chases after her but Nas just shuts her down, then basically outright says that it's Jane's fault that they can't find Patterson. At least Weller hears that and very obviously dismisses Nas before reassuring Jane, clearly seeing how much she blames herself. And okay it's out of frame but from the way his body moves he definitely seems to put his hand on her upper arm and ugh FINALLY, BOY. FINALLY SUPPORTING HER IN THE WAY SHE DESERVES. And then as he walks off, Jane's left there all overwhelmed bc of guilt/worry over Patterson, the anger from the others, Kurt suddenly being on her side again (she's forgotten what that felt like, I bet), and also the fact that she now lied to Roman for no reason, since he wasn't able to help them find Patterson anyway. Sigh. I wish she had just gone back to the room and told him the truth right then, explained as best she could and apologised. Maybe it would have worked. 

Interesting that Weller sent Nas off like a good minute before he headed to the lab, but they both walked in at the same time. Did they have a conversation outside? Did she linger around the corner and listen in on  what he said to Jane? Or idk whatever lol, it’s tv. And so now we find out that Sandstorm has communicated in some kind of code that they need to crack, and one second Nas is all "oh shucks this is very complicated it might take weeks" and then the next she's suddenly like "wait look at that random book in this miraculously appearing photo, that could be the key to a book cypher!" Like wow, writers. You really didn't put much work into that one, did you? Like I understand there are time constraints involved with an episode but seriously that was just embarrassingly convenient. And then the ridiculous way Nas was all "okay so if we convert this and do that, it just might-- oh it worked!" Oh geez. C’mon. Give us a little credit here. On a brighter note, props to the other Laura (gypsyscarfwoman) who I believe noticed the book a few eps ago and commented on its possible significance given that it's the history of Rome and there's been strong Roman themes (hehe) in this season.      

Oh look who it is, Mr Director Man, my initial fave choice for the mole. Still disappointed about that, though lbr he's still being shady enough that he could still be up to something. Also wow is it midlife crisis time or something bc his haircut looks like that of a teenage boy who’s trying to get in with the 'in crowd' lol. But then he basically tells Nas to piss off and I instantly take back anything bad I ever said about him. Forgive me, Pelly. Your hair looks great and your suit is the most dapper of all. You are the bestest and I thank you for freeing me of Nas She-Demon Kamal and also for rightly ascribing (at least partial) blame to her for the deaths of those agents in the explosion. Now, if only Weller would shut up and stop trying to get her to stay, that would be great. Gotta say, it's really not fun to see him trying to protect her, bc it kinda lessens all the times he did the same for Jane. But whatevvvs, I'm terrific at only seeing what I want to see, so consider the Weller parts of this scene zipped from my memory lol

Great, we're back at the useless torture, and clearly Patterson is as impatient with it as I am lol. And daaaamn she's dropping some truth bombs about the lack of loyalty amongst Shepherd’s followers haha. But seriously if Shepherd lets THAT get to her, she's not the terrifying warlord she was made out to be lol

So they've cracked the code, brought in the chick that owns the garage at the listed location, and now they're making a whole lot of impossible threats (Gitmo? Really Tasha?) before she admits she provided a getaway car to Borden. A car that was fortunately VERY distinctive and able to be picked up on traffic cams. So handy.

Lol Shepherd is still in the midst of a tantrum and decides that Patterson has to die. Well, that was several hours wasted for nothing then haha. Borden convinces her to let him kill her, and I'm stunned to see that he's actually about to go ahead with it. Also shaking my head at the fact that the tourniquet is improperly positioned and not tight enough (though it appears to be wrapped around a fake bit of arm so whatever), and the fact that he inserts the wrong type of needle that shouldn't already be attached to a tube, plus he does it without palpating the vein, and seems to think he needs a whole bag of saline to prove that the vein is patent rather than just a quick 5ml flush. Sigh. But anyhow while he’s farting around, Patterson is doing such a good job of talking him out of it, and he admits that part of him loves her (*wails*). And then when he hears the team’s car he holds her hand for a sec and tells her goodbye and ugh dammit you two. We could have had it aaaaaaalllllll 

And so the cavalry has arrived but run into a bit of a bit of a dilemma of their own, the car flipping when they hit a damn landmine. The most shocking bit of the whole thing, though, is that Zapata jumps straight out from the back and runs to Jane's door, frantically asking if she's okay before calling Weller over to help free her. Is this a weirdly written backflip of her attitude or is this her real regard for Jane breaking through the anger that had been masking it? Personally I hope it's the latter, bc I've always liked to think that Zapata does care about Jane, and needs her, because right now she needs an outlet for all her negative emotions and (unhealthy as it is) she knows Jane will bear it, will be that proverbial punching bag for her because JANE knows she needs it (and knows that it isn't actually about her specifically at all). Hopefully it's a situation that doesn't last much longer as Zapata eventually finds better outlets (and apolgises her ass off to Jane). I just really need Zapata and Jane to be buds again. Sigh. But anyway ugh Weller pulls her out and they're clinging to each other for a sec until she sees Borden bolting for the trees and Weller takes off in pursuit. Really, son? It's like a bear trying to run down a cheetah. But sure, knock yourself out. Meanwhile I'm more excited to see the ladies save their other lady friend and ugh my precious babies. Even if Zapata and Jane are at odds rn, they can agree they both love Patterson and would do anything for her. #TeamBlindspotLadies

So somehow Weller caught up to Borden (I suppose it’s true cheetahs aren't great over long distances) and now they're getting into a punch-up, and while I can believe Borden probably got some martial arts training after joining Sandstorm-- possibly from Remi herself-- I still struggle to believe that he would ever win this fight. I did pause it at a hilarious spot just now though where there's just an upside down foot about to smack into Weller's face haha. And then Borden manages to cuff Weller's hand to his ankle, which is amusing but I definitely call bullshit, because anyone that’s been anywhere near handcuffs would know they would definitely not fit around a grown man's leg, especially not over his trousers. Not a chance. But whatever haha. And then ugh he says that Borden can't shoot him and he's all "not yet" and ugh remember when these two were buds?? Guys that would talk about sports during Weller's sessions but then Borden also always listened when he needed to talk about his dad or Taylor or whatever? I am so sad we lost that. Goddammit writers why couldn't you have just listened to me and made Pellington the mole. I guess I have to be thankful that at least it wasn’t Tasha... 

Noooo Pellington stay away from Roman!!! Stop hurting my baby pupppyyyyyy. Ugh and now there's the tears and the yelling and damn I am impressed with Luke Mitchell rn. He's absolutely killing it this ep. And then aaaaahhhhhh Pellington is gonna send him to the CIA to be tortured just like Jane and okay I take back all the nice things I said about you earlier, getting rid of Nas doesn;t make up for hurting my puppy. But ughhh Weller and Jane stand together against him, and then Weller threatens to quit if Roman is taken away (ugh the way Jane looks at him when he says that, just let me die right now). But I wonder if Weller’s threat is just because he knows Pellington doesn't want to have to find a replacement, or if he's starting to suspect that Pellington might have other reasons-- possibly Sandstormy reasons-- for wanting to keep him in that role??? And then ugh he argues to keep Nas, and while that initially bugged me earlier (I'm sure it's rather clear by now that I'm less than a fan of her, and especially of her thing with Weller), his language actually makes it clear that he wants her back because her needs her knowledge of Sandstorm, and doesn't think he can figure them out and catch them without her. And with that lightbulb moment, I'm back to being just a little less displeased with Weller. Not overly happy with how he's suggesting to use Jane and Roman's connection to get info, but then Pellington is pretty ruthless in his methods so Weller probably has to pretend to be that way too, even if he's planning on doing things differently. But dude, he is so setting himself up to be screwed over, and when that inevitably happens (*cough* when Nas betrays the team *cough*) Jane is the one that's gonna be there, picking his ass up off the ground. Because she loves him, and helping others is just what she does. Also ugh Jane with her hand on Roman's shoulder while he looks down at her... I can't even deal with these two.They are my babies and i love them

Firstly, I love Reade's apartment and I want it. Secondly, hmmm, a patient who had major vascular surgery going home the same day as he had his operation? Yeah, nope. Not ever. But again, tv land, so.... *shrugs*. The teasing Reade and sarcastically caring Zapata is so great until bam! the world's most unwanted kiss bursts awkwardly into the scene. Oh Gero. Gero, Gero, Gero. WHATREUDOIN. I seriously hope that this kiss-- and her reaction to it-- was just a way to get the "will they get together?" question completely out of the way by giving it a resounding no. Although lbr I don't trust the writers not to create a scene later where Zapata comes to Reade and is all "I was too scared to admit it to myself but I know now I'm desperately in love with you, let's ride off into the sunset together". Which would be THE WORST. Honestly like 99% of the time I am like YESSSS GIVE ME ALL THE ROMANCE but this has just never been a romantic ship to me. This has always been two people who love each other because they are BEST FRIENDS, regardless of the fact that they have different sets of genitals. And it's not just bc I want Reade and Sarah to find each other again, or to see Zapata fall for the 'forgetful terrorist' that she currently dislikes so much. It's because Zapata and Reade's friendship has always been one of the most beautiful and powerful parts of the show, and to imply that that kind of connection can only be had if you're also getting naked together... well that just pisses me off, because it cheapens the whole thing. So quit it, Gero. This is a ship that should never sail, okay???  Let's hope Zapata sticks to her guns and Reade realises that they never would have worked and they both just agree to forget it ever happened

Ughhhhh Jane bringing Roman food and reassuring him that it's all only temporary and then giving him the coooooin and ugh their haaaaaands and the "we'll figure it out together" and aaahhhhhhhh save meeeeeee

And then ughhh here's my next favourite brother-sister relationship, with Weller bringing sunflowers to Patterson who is talking adorably loudly and ugh he gets choked up as he gives them to her and he tries to encourage her to rest but lets her show him what she found anyway bc he knows she needs it and so she shows him the article about Borden's death-- or rather, Nigel's death (lol Nigel Thornton just makes me think of Nigel Thornberry. Smashing.) But ooooh that was clever by the writers--- this ep is titled "Nor I, Nigel, AKA leg in iron". Which could be interpreted as Nigel having his leg in irons, aka being trapped. Shackled. Like they're implying Borden was kind of 'chained' to Sandstorm, with no chance for freedom. Also she insults Borden's medical school which upon googling doesn't appear to be a real one, so that makes me wonder if Hardyshire is a name or a brand that one of the writers doesn't like or something haha, and it's their own little in-joke lol. Then she talks about the book code and he asks how she knows and she says “come on, I read the notes" which I do not understand? Which notes? And then Weller FINALLY gives her the phone belonging to the Sandstorm contact (still betting it was Remi) and lol after Patterson splutters about having "all of the questions" they easily decrypt it with the book key. And so they immediately find a video file (is there more on the phone or just that one file?? Will we see more next week?? It occurs to me now that I haven’t watched the promo yet lol). But yeah what is this leopard thing???? I always thought her neck seemed strangely uneven by just having the bird on one side. So I assume they scrapped the leopard tatt, right? Like didn't do it at all rather than it being in invisible ink or something. Which means that maybe Sandstorm thought it was somehow too revealing, like it could tie back to them somehow? Or maybe whatever the tatt was about is no longer an issue? Or something???? (also did you notice how well behaved I was just now and didn't make a single comment on Jane's great butt haha) 

So sandstorm is altering Phase 2 but Weller's role in it is still important. BUT WHAT IS ITTTTTT GERO JUST TELL US

Awwww nooo my baby Roman is having his first mempory, but it's an awful one (statistically, I guess that makes sense, given so much of his life has been awful). But ughhhhh idc if he was a terrorist before I just wanna give him a huggggggg

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller #ngl I kinda forgot I did these for a minute #good luck wading through this mess of feels and thoughts tho lol

[xanthicantag]

do all the valentine's asks!

I assume you mean these ones?

1: Do you have a crush at the moment?  Eh, not really?

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? Uh, maybe?  In the moment I guess but like, looking back less so.

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in?  Like a year or so?

4: Have you ever changed for someone?  Kinda?  At first I do and then it just sorta, falls apart because yeah, not great at being someone else

5: How is your relationship with your ex?  Well, considering they removed me on p much all social media and haven’t talked to me since we broke up, I’d say not good.

6: Have you ever been cheated on?  See, maybe?  I’m not sure, I’ve never like caught anyone cheating on me, but it kinda seems likely in some cases

7: Have you ever cheated? Nope

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating?  No probably not

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship?  Communication, and putting forward equal effort to make it work

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?  I prefer serious relationships because, I am very easily attached to people

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”?  No, that’s usually just when you should break up

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with?  I’ve never like casually hooked up with anyone so, i guess none?

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship?  Oh wow, this is uh, wow, hm, like an entire relationship for one, the whole thing.  And then also dating someone while i was not in a place emotionally for a relationship and being a huge asshole.

14: What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?  Uh, I dunno? like, 16~?

15: Do you believe in the phrase “age is just a number”?  Now, if you’re an older person saying this about a child i will attack you and try to kill you.  if you’re like 40 and dating someone who’s 50, sure?

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”?  Not really no

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet?  Yeah

18: What do you consider a deal breaker?  Oh hm, at this point I don’t really think I’d ever date a straight person

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship?  Uhh, i dunno?  you just kinda look at it and like an adult handle it, not like, i’m not gonna take a shot my ex rn but like, that

20: Are you currently in a relationship?  Nope

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?  Yeah, as long as their both people who have a certain level of emotional maturity 

22: Do you think people should date their friends? If you really want to?

23: How many relationships have you had? Uhhh, 6? that sounds right

24: Do you think love can last forever?  I mean, sure?

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things?  No, it really can’t

26: Would you break up with someone your parents didn’t approve of?  It would probably depend on why they disapprove, but probably not for the most part 

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be?  Ooooooooooooooo, that’s tough one, probably just, don’t date anyone in highschool, at all, just, don’t

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work?  Yeah if people are comfortable and happy with it

29: What do you notice first about another person?  uh, their physical form? idk

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual?  Bi

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness?  As someone with depression, i think that’d be a bit hypocritical 

32: Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?  Oh wow yeah

33: Do you want to get married one day?  Uhhh, maybe not

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed?  Oh no, nope, getting a tattoo of someones name is like, always a bad idea

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? Yeah

36: Are you still a virgin? Nope

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality?  I mean, if i don’t get a long with someone personalitly wise i’m probably not going to be dating them

38: Do you enjoy love films?  I am a sucker for a good romance movie

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? I have given, i think one person roses?  but sadly i have never recieved any and that’s just homophobic

40: Have you ever had a valentine?  Yeah

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”?  We go to the aquarium, i point out a shark, other person points at a different, but still high quality shark, we get married right there

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”? Yes it was a thing in my middleschool

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? Now, i’ve made this mistake before, but in general they both are equally important and shouldn’t be weighed against eachother as one or the other

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”?  Oh god idk

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? I guess?  like if one of them asked me out i’d say sure

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”? No?  

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite? uh, idk

48: What’s your favorite love song? Oh easily Two trucks, or the ooka chaka song

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?  Yeah probably

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are?  Because i am not dating someone?

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy?  Now as a poor person, i’d sell my soul for money so sure i’d date some rich asshole

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?  Uh, most of the time?  depends on what they need advice for

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single?  Only when i’m feeling extra mega sad

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)?  Not?  people can know as little about my personal life as possible

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? Not really?

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? like one of my own or someone else’s?  Because absolutley to my own but no to someone elses 

57: x  Uh, x?

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? now, this is clearly just a, “Are you a top or a bottom” question, and that is a secret

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary?  i can physically never remember an anniversary

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships?  I don’t want one, if someone else does cool for them i guess?

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family? I mean, if it’s someone i’ve not been dating for long my family but like, if this a serious and good relationship they kinda are in your family?

62: How do you define “cheating”?  If i find out you’re sleeping around/ going on dates with other people while were together

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate? no? i don’t know?

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? As someone who is currently single, yeah kinda

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? absolutely

[sanguinesprout]

Therapy/Counselling diary #8 (my memory is baaad plus some general frustrations and encouragements)

This past week was kinda hmm... nyeeeeh. I wouldn't say I did anything particularly exciting or new or memorable and I was kinda sickly but it wasn't bad bad and that's all that matters ^^ My memory is bad bad baaaaad in other words, same as usual lol

I’ve decided I’m gonna try to write this weeks (or well, last weeks) stuff using the tumblr app this time, I haven't really used it much, but it's been pretty neat so far aka I cba to clear my desk and use the pc. My typo rate is srsly v. high tho and I wanna shorten the words cuz phone typing and effort but I think I actually type about the same speed with my phone as I do on the PC hah... If only I could read back the text and edit stuff easier as I go along though... oh welp. (Whoa phew, I thought I accidentally posted it by accident lulz the app gives a 'it posted' notification when I save it as a draft what even lol)

This weeks counselling app was... pretty alright, though I'm feeling the pressure and the nerves more now because as predicted I am expected to try even more harder with the communication and skill learning stuff for next time and I really arghhh xwx I only just got over the last wall and the next one seems way more difficult to scale... but I think I can do it... I just need to push away the unhelpful thoughts and persist..! >^<

So that sheet about emotions and thoughts I had to do... I only managed to write two small things but it's something at least, we didn't actually look over it this session because we were still looking at the unhelpful behaviour sheet from last last time which was a slight relief but I still have the sheet now and need to fill it by next week xwx

The behaviour we went over was to do with comparing yourself to others and I really can't remember a lot of the things that was said gdi... maybe I'll just bullet point some of the important stuff and the rest will come back to me easier... and so I don't forget even more lol I'm just feeling extra lazy and unmovtivated hahaha.. ugh @v@"

🍰 Every person has their own views on things/their own way of doing or reacting to things and there is no right or wrong way in essence. Like baking a cake, one person may use so and so ingredients and the other such and such or even something that seems pretty unconventional but they both still result in cakes. Another person may prefer the taste of cake 1 over 2 and another person cake 2 over 1. No one is wrong in their choices, it’s just personal preference.

🥞 All professions work together in harmony and are necessary to make up and keep up a society. There is no need to be ashamed of or think lowly of your profession because it is just as important (eg. trash collector people, some people might think lowly of them but without them there would be a mess of vermin and disease etc etc as juxtaposed with another profession like a doctor which is usually thought highly of).

🍕 The only way to break the cycle is by doing. Doing will provide you with the experience and evidence needed to override your negative presumptions and this in turn will allow you to get past the things holding you back and grow. Your beliefs should run on facts and not irrational thoughts which probably hold no truth at all. 

🍔 Like reading a book, you only know as much as you've read (your current and past experiences and beliefs), but there is still so much left to learn and absorb if you push forward and continue. The parts you haven't read yet (future experiences and knowledge etc) may be the positive and powerful parts needed to neutralise and flip back the negative beginning chapters.

🍝 You live in a place where freedom and choice is encouraged and accepted (unlike some other places in the world where people live under strict control), so why would you willingly choose to cage yourself in with all these rules and restrictions..? (T^T Idk why... but I don’t want to no more that’s for sure!)

🍦 Everything you do should be for your own approval and not anyone else’s. It’s your life and your choices, not theirs. Your own opinions matter most and your own wellbeing should be your priority. Do it all for yourself.

🍩 I would really like a doughnut right now, damn. I can’t have any of these foods rn cause of my diet lolol... they’re unhealthy anyways ^^”

These are some really awfully phrased retellings of the stuff the counsellor told me, but that’s basically all I can remember right now but they give very interesting and useful views on things. Normally I would rephrase them even more or not include the examples but w/e I need to stop being so afraid, just get it all down nice and straightforward and truthful! Yeah, I could've just used the actual bullet point formatting but food emoji is much more exciting of course :D I literally can’t think anymore about last week, I’m just so overwhelmed with this week, my head hurts with the mental effort x^x I decided to go back to using the pc, the app is good for brief things only I guess.

In terms of doing something brave or well out of my comfort zone, I walked down a few streets on my own and went to collect some post. It’s something I’ve done before (though not completely on my own) but I still had a hella awkward time at the desk cause the queue was kind of jumbled and idk if the person before me was actually someone that came after, I thought maybe they were an employee and went behind them instead or maybe they skipped in front idk ugh... I really suck at looking and remembering people’s faces sometimes.

If I wanted to go somewhere else on my own my parents would probably not let me go and my dad would lecture me all the safety things even more than usual (seriously, I get the don’t talk to strangers type of line every single time..!). I’m not a child, I shouldn’t have to ask for permission and this time I didn’t ask, I just said where I was going and why and left but if I tried that to go anywhere else then they’d get ruffled. But the main thing is the communication again I guess, as long as they are informed, it’ll lessen the stress and make them more open to me taking my own initiative. 

Like I understand they want me to be safe, it’s what parents do and I obviously don’t want to run into any trouble too, but sometimes being too overprotective and overly cautious means I’m just stuck and can’t grow at all. It just goes to make me even more scared of the world, when I should be out there doing things like everyone else, it sucks. 

I know in parents eyes, their daughters and sons will always be their kids, their babies, but at some point they will see them as adults too and well, that just isn’t happening for me. I haven’t proven myself worthy of the adult title and I also feel I don’t deserve it yet, it seems a long way off still but it feels so ridiculous, but what is age but just a number anyways, everyone goes at different paces. I shouldn’t dwell on this too much and just try my best to prove to myself, yes myself first and foremost, that I can be an adult, I can be responsible and independent at least a little more. I need a better action plan really... besides the vague, get a job, learn to drive, cook etc. idk what else @^@” I’m getting a little ahead of myself with even this though, gotta not forget, take things slow and gradually, baby steps!! ^^

In my other endeavours with art and posting things online, it’s just come to a stand still or gone backwards actually, I’ve just gotten so scared again, I can’t put a pen to paper or even leave a comment on other people’s stuff anymore and it feels really awful, like why can’t I just do it and forget about feeling foolish or judged or inadequate, I keep overthinking again gdi..!! >^< I keep wanting to plan things and have things all perfect and ready instead of just getting things done as I go like other people... damn, I keep saying like other people, constantly comparing myself to them, that’s another reason I’ve gotten scared to try again with anything. 

Gosh, these unhelpful habits are for reals and are the worst, at least I’m more aware of them though, maybe I can fight them back a bit better now that I know how draining and evil they are... Okay! I challenge you unhelpful habits!! Imma throw you in the trash and get my ass moving! You’ve got nothing on me! I can do it!! Ugh... ;^; No no, no sad! Fight fight fight! Go go go! ò^ó

My sis got me a lot of gifts relating to art, she encourages me through this and her kind words and wants me to do well, I want me to do well too and to show my gratitude with action, so imma do well and make a lot of nice arts to be proud of! They don’t have to be perfect! I saw a quote that was something like ‘even the pages on your bad days are better than the ones on the days you did nothing’ (I just totally butchered that lol) or something like that and it was like, damn, that’s true. A little practice even if it’s not serious is better than nothing at all! Okay okay I’m pumped!

The stuff I had to do this week is to help out at the front of the shop, gain some experience and converse with customers..! I already attempted it once for a short time and welp, it was scary but I guess not that bad (also I kinda botched up a phone order maybe) but I keep reading into things too deeply and negatively and it scared me off and now as usual the week is ending and my opportunities to try are limited, need to get my ass in gear, c’mon I can do it! Don’t be afraid, you’re doing well, keep going! ^^”... go go go! ^u^

Maybe I can kill 2 birds with one stone, sit and observe but also draw, space is limited though so idk if it’ll work out but there’s no harm giving it a try I guess. Must not forget to fill in that emotions/thoughts sheet ugh, I should have done it as I actually do stuff but I do things in bad and unconventional ways. Need to break a lot of habits. I downloaded this app that is supposed to help you build new healthy habits, so far all it’s wanted me to do is to drink water when I wake up so I feel more energised lol but I did it and it does help, I wonder if I can build a lot of other good habits too, it certainly makes things feel more fun in a way.

Everyday in my mind I want to look over the days happenings in a more positive light and congratulate myself for all the small things I did that I maybe I wouldn’t have some weeks ago, so I can see how much I actually improved and have put effort in. Even though on the surface it just all seems meh, I want to let myself see how things have actually become a little easier and how the negative thoughts relating to them has begun to affect me less and take up less space in my conscious. Be proud of yourself and all your endeavours, silly!

Hmm, this post is probably shorter than my usual one but oh well, I don’t want to spend too much time rambling or ruminating or being a paralysed perfectionist, I’ve got other bigger fish to fry! And draw and eat omnomnom! Yolo! x3

Okay okay, now I’m going to go do some artsy fartsy stuff or at least have myself set up for it and my conversing/experience gaining challenge hoo! Believe in yourself, you can do it! Let’s go go! :D

Have a lovely evening and keep trying, keep flying! ^^

#therapy #avpd #anxiety #social anxiety #depression #thoughts #feelings #family #self-motivation #trying a little is better than not trying at all #it's okay for things to not be perfect #believe in yourself #do it all for yourself #challenge the negative #keep going #baby steps #you can do it! #let's art and kick ass!