#The thing people don’t tell u about being physically disabled

[transmasccofee]

thinking yet again about Saiki‘s’s final choice in the series being “I’d rather live with my powers than die without them” bc that is seriously the single best ending of a disability narrative I’ve seen. Fuck.

#The thing people don’t tell u about being physically disabled #Is that you’ll see the physically abled people in your life start to view you as something tragic #And while they rarely say it when it comes down to things #They think you’re better dead than disabled. That you’d be happier put out of your misery. #Even with stories involving disabled characters (If we’re anything beyond a background diversity shot which is… rare) #It’s about “curing” or “overcoming” your disability which is I guess a nice sentiment but most of us won’t ever do that #Saiki doesn’t do either of those things #He wants to be cured and briefly thinks he is but then it’s discovered that he Cant be cured bc his powers are part of the whole of him #He doesn’t ever overcome them either #He just puts his glasses back on and decides that if it means he can live another day then he’ll continue to deal with them #And his powers are progressive #And that’s a thing weighing on him but it’s never treated like a death sentence #It’s just something he has to and will deal with #And it sucks but what else is he gonna do #It’s just. Aughhhhh. Aaaaaauuuuughhhhhhhhh…….. #This post was brought to u by a man grieving his own mobility #physically disabled #physical disability #saiki k

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Hi thank u for opening asks! Can I request headcanons for the male companions (and or gortash Raphael and the emperor) having a mute s/o either because they can’t talk or they’re very shy

A/N: Here ya go! Managed to get everyone to stay mostly in character. Please be warned there are hints of nsfw for each character, although nothing graphic in nature. And that the entries for Gortash and Raphael describe abusive relationships, so heed the trigger warnings below. 

🔇 Mute!Reader HC x BG3 Males: 🔇

TW: Domestic Abuse & Vaguely NSFW Content

(Abuse and Manipulation for the Gortash & Raphael ones. Also allusions to sex throughout each entry.)

Astarion: 

He’s suspicious of you at first. Even more so that you don’t talk. But if you prove you’re  not a threat in other ways, he doesn’t actually mind it all that much. He talks to you about the same. A good amount of what he says is either posturing or complaining- and that doesn't change just because you can’t talk back. If anything, he complains even more, knowing you wont tell him to shove off like the others. He greatly enjoys how dramatic he gets to be around you. He’ll lean against a city wall and dramatically lay the back of his hand over his face: ‘I tell you Darling, it’s like these people don’t notice me at all!’ You blink at his outburst, your expression unchanged, clearly unamused. 

Still says lots of witty comments under his breath, and subtly looks over at you to see if you’ve smirked or blushed in response. Gets really good at reading all the little reactions you make. He makes a mental catalog of every half smirk, every eye twitch, every shoulder shrug, so that he knows how you feel about something he or another has said.

Appreciates the fact that you’re unlikely to repeat anything he says to you, which makes him feel all the safer confiding in you about his condition and his past, knowing you can’t go sounding the alarm. 

Ends up going on tangents or rants about the others while you just sit there and kind of grimace, empathetically. He knows it can get annoying to just have to listen, but he’s extremely grateful for the outlet. Cazador certainly never cared what he was feeling. Nor did any of his ‘siblings’. But with you, he can bitch about his day only to turn around and find you still there, listening intently. 

Becomes a lot touchier. Like a lot. He switches from checking to verbal confirmation to physical confirmation. Takes your hand, or pulls you close, squeezes your shoulder- those sorts of things. 

Personally takes it as a challenge to see how loud he can get you to be when you’re intimate together ;) 

Gale: 

Doesn’t notice immediately lol. He’s too busy being overjoyed at the fact you don’t interrupt his long winded, pun-filled speeches to even consider it’s due to a disability or something similar on your part. He just thinks you’re the most wonderful listener. And of course, this makes him fall head over heels for you lol.

Once he does get it, he just sort of goes, ‘Oh.’ And lets that sit in the air. (He’s a bit awkward around you for a while, unsure of how to apologize, so you’d probably need to approach him and make your forgiveness known.) 

Once that misunderstanding is over, he immediately becomes occupied with finding spells to help you talk. If that’s something you want, you appreciate the effort, and let him know you’re in no rush. If that’s something you’re not interested in, you tell him as much. He’s a little disappointed and taken off guard. He explains he’s always used magic to solve his problems. You raise your brow and give him a look that says ‘And that’s been working well for you, has it?’ He relents after that. 

The two of you get really good at reading each other’s faces. And Gale takes it upon himself to talk less as well, even though you explain he doesn’t have to. He insists, saying he wants to understand what your life is like. He lasts like two days lol. 

Becomes mostly competent at understanding what you’re saying either via sign or body language, but occasionally Tera has to translate for you. Thank the gods for tressyms.

Wyll: 

Is momentarily taken aback, embarrassed by his concern he was being rude to you before, assuming you could talk to him but were choosing not to. Apologizes, profusely, for the misunderstanding on his part. 

Learns to communicate with you through other means, be it writing, or by whatever the Faerun equivalent of sign language is. He’s not the best at it, but he tries really hard to learn. Picks up basic phrases like greetings, and moods. Does request that you slow down if you’re fluent, to give his brain time to catch up. 

Doesn’t let anyone in the group make petty or passive aggressive comments while giving them a look or chewing them out. He’s very serious about it. The next time Astarion says something off the cuff, Wyll responds with, ‘Well, Astarion, I’d assume you of all people would be used to it being quiet. Having only the other rats of Baldurs Gate as friends for years.’ He’ll go for the jugular- he doesn't give af! No one gets to make you feel bad about it.

Considers going to Shadowheart or Halsin, or even Gale and asking them if there’s something they can do to help you/your condition, but that’s only with your blessing of course. He wants to help you, but doesn’t want to overstep. 

Comes to appreciate how honest you are in your other reactions- your eyes and your body language. Wyll is used to being deceived- by demons, humans, and the like- so he thinks it’s so special he can read you like a book. Whether you’re strolling through Baldur’s Gate, or enjoying your marital bed, it matters greatly to him how you truly feel and think. He’s glad he’s able to share your truth with him. 

Halsin: 

Catches on fairly quickly, although he doesn’t bring it up to you directly. He figures you will bring it up when you are ready to discuss it, and in the meantime, he would not want to pry. Listens intently when you tell him by checking in with your facial expression as he reads your writing. 

Tries to find ways to help you with what you can do. Suggests maybe enchanting a feather pen and scroll or some chalk and a small board to write out what you’re thinking so others can understand how it is you feel in real time. He offers his druid magic to do whatever you need. Hell, he even considers mentoring you to see if you feel nature’s calling. If you were a druid, perhaps you could develop a relationship with an animal companion, say a bird, or an awakened rat, or a giant eagle and get them to speak for you. 

Similar to Wyll, Halsin will try to learn sign language if that’s something you speak. However he isn’t the most adept at it. He’s very used to spellcasting, which requires at least one free hand, often his dominant hand. So he tries learning sign with his nondominant hand, but that makes it all the more difficult. He knows the alphabet, but that’s about it. You will have to slowly spell out your sentences word by word in order for him to get the gist. 

Makes sure you’re either safely hidden away at camp, or stay within his sight during a battle. He knows you cannot cry out for help, so he wants to make sure he can keep an eye on you throughout any conflict. 

Loves just being close to you. Swears he can hear the intention of your heart when the two of you are so close. He wants to assure you, your difference doesn’t make him love you any less. If anything, he is impressed with how much you continue to adapt to and overcome. He’ll say, ‘You need not speak for me to know your voice, my heart. One look in your eyes, and I know, it is an internal melody so beautiful, all of nature could not compare.’ He’ll place soft touches to your skin and face, and check your reaction before progressing any further. He thinks being intimate with you is the best way to express your emotions as a couple. After all, sex is the most ancient language of all.

Minsc: 

He doesn’t get it until Boo points it out to him lol. And even after being told, he still forgets from time to time. 

Minsc loves to talk. Well brag. And boast. And speak in the third-person. So he’s not thrown off by you having to refer to yourself with body language or with possessive pronouns in Common writings. 

He will ask you lots of questions, all throughout the day. Some are obvious and others are seemingly random, and difficult to explain with your words limited to being written down as fast as you can before Minsc’s mind wanders and changes the subject. It’s a workout for your wrists honestly. 

He will loudly announce that you’re mute every time you meet new people. ‘This is (Y/N), my dear love, she cannot speak. So (Y/N) will write her answers for Boo. And Boo will tell me. Then Minsc may tell you.’ You keep trying to tell him, the system doesn’t need Boo and him to interpret for you, especially if you’re already recording your answers in Common for others to read. 

He will never let you apologize for not being able to speak. He refuses to see it as a problem. ‘Minsc speaks loud enough for both of us, no?’ He thinks you’re the most wonderful person around. He could have his pick of the crop, and yet he chose you. Trust him, you’re the person he wants to be with more than anything. 

Gortash:

Actually kind of prefers lovers who don’t talk back, lol. He’s a very insecure man when it comes to his character. He’s cunning and wise, but clawed his way out of hell (quite literally) and the self-critical voice in his head never silences. So he’s oddly comforted that you can’t demean his temperament. 

He won’t try to fix it, nor will he allow you to try and change it in any sort of way. He doesn’t want you to go babbling on about his plans or how he is behind closed doors. That information cannot be getting out. So no, you will not be allowed any magic or spells to help you communicate. 

He will open up to you on occasion in private. The longer you’re together, the more safe he feels like confiding in you. If you feign sympathy, or if you are in fact sympathetic to his backstory, he’ll feel something akin to love for you. It’s not quite love. It’s much more logical, more calculating and pragmatic than that. But it’s about as close as you’d get with him. 

Likes how you have little to no choice other than to stay at his side and listen to him intently. He loves watching all your little apprehensive reactions when beckons you closer and pulls you into his lap. How your pulse races, how your breath quickens, he knows how his proximity makes you feel, even if you can’t open your mouth to speak the words. Besides, he’s very sure your mouth will be good for, let’s just say, other things. 

He will allow you to write him little notes here and there, but only in his office, and only when no one else is around. He’s rather paranoid that way. But he’s also rather pleased how it means you must keep seeking him out during his working hours. He’s under no false impression that he's the kindest lover. But you can’t leave him. You need him. He’s the only one who’s allowed to understand you. And he intends to keep it that way. 

Raphael: 

Like Gortash, Raphael feels a sort of sick satisfaction over the fact you can’t talk back to him. But then on the other hand, he feels a sort of sick disappointment that he can’t torture you into making all those sweet pathetic noises for him. So it’s 50/50 with him. 

He will consider giving you a voice via deviant magic if it means he can hear you beg. It drives him absolutely wild, and he refuses to go completely without it. Takes said voice away if you venture too far into brat territory, or you directly insult him. It’s a privilege for you to even look upon him, how dare you use the gift he gave you against him?

Has Harleep babysit you when he isn’t there. You can’t exactly call for help, and Raphael’s house isn’t safe for you to be wandering about unsupervised. 

Enjoys the look of pure frustration on your face when you try learning to write in Infernal, only to fail miserably. He thinks you’re adorable all revved up. He will read the notes you write in Common, he just doesn’t always respond to them. Despite his refusal to acknowledge most of them, you can tell he understands them, based on how large that vein on his forehead gets lol.

He will let you choose whether or not to have a voice during certain moments of pleasure; well, mostly pleasure. He loves the little gasps and moans you make, it fuels his lust for you even more. Then again, he doesn’t need to hear the sweet cries of your pretty voice to know whether he’s on the right track. ‘I can sense your heartbeat, little mouse,’ he'll whisper to you. Your body reveals to Raphael all there is to know, whether you want it to or not. 

The Emperor: 

It literally doesn’t matter. Dude’s telepathic lol. 

Wishes you’d become an illithid so you’d be telepathic too. Almost doesn’t take no for an answer on that one. 

Ultimately ends up relishing in the fact he alone can understand you- your wants, your needs, your dreams, and hopes. It makes him feel all the more powerful. 

Will give you the play-by-play about the Nether Brain and the Chosen Three because he’s been dying to tell someone, and he knows you can’t go running in the streets telling everyone and ruining his hopes of manipulation. Mainly because you don’t talk but also because he’s not letting you leave his realm lol, no way in hell. 

If you really don’t feel at home here, ‘You could always,’ he’ll suggest coyly, ‘Become one of us.’ You don’t even have to shake your head to tell him ‘no’. Your facial expression does all the talking for that one. 

#bg3 x reader #baldurs gate x reader #bg3 imagine #astarion x reader #gortash x reader #gale x reader #wyll x reader #halsin x reader #bg3 raphael x reader #the emperor x reader #minsc x reader #baldurs gate imagine #baldurs gate 3 x reader #baldurs gate 3 imagine #hc #bg3

[hannahlovesluca]

I heard u do Nijisanji matchups can i have one please 🥺

Nijisanji male romantic matchup plz

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people who don’t take others into consideration (like make insensitive jokes or don’t consider the comfort of others or are mean just cause they can) people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

Thank you (lemme know if u wanna do a trade)

hello!!! honestly, you seem like such a great person!

i think you would do really well with…

Luca Kaneshiro!

Honestly, you guys have such diverse personalities that I genuinely just think you guys would get along great! Luca has stated before that he likes a more cat-like personality and shy people!

• He’s my oshi so im lowkey jealous but omg imagine him knowing about your disorder and carrying you/ giving you piggy back rides when you don’t feel so well or moving is extra hard for you <3

• he will make sure you’re always comfortable going on trips with him!! esp if youre a part of NIJISANJI and you have to go on a trip with him!!

• also, if you try to hide the fact that you’re not doing too well, he wont actually be mad, but he will pout and tell you to take care if yourself and run around the house doing things for you. (omg imagine him making you something to eat in a little apron AHHHHHH)

• Luca does NOT hide his feelings, he loves telling you just how much he loves you (although he will be flushged unless you’ve been together for awhile, even then he might still stutter), he has absolutely no problem with PDA and poor boy just wants to show the whole world how much he loves you - NIJI rules be damned.

• if he gets jealous, say another man is flirting w you or got you something NO HESITATION HE WILL WRAP HIS ARMS AROUND YOUR WAIST im kicking my feet oh my god

• SPEAKING OF WAIST. you have an hourglass body OH MY GOD HE LOVES YOUR HIPS SM. you guys are cuddling, his arms are wrapped around your hips. Waiting in line? Hand on your hip. ANYTHING - his hands are on your hips

• Luca does not understand how you genuinely like reading, however, he will absolutely let you read him to sleep if he cant sleep!

• speaking of sleep if he’s sick and you read or sing him to sleep he will actually melt oh my god please love on this man he will actually do anything for you

• “Y/N, why do you love me so much?”

I COULD WRITE SO MUCH MORE FOR THIS MAN PLSSSS IM IN LOVE

#luxiem x reader #luxiem #nijisanji en #luca kaneshiro x reader #matchups #nijisanji x reader #shu yamino #mysta rias #luca kaneshiro #vox akuma #ike eveland

[tohisprettyc00l]

I’m here for two toh matchups ^^

I have short, chocolate brown hair, pasty skin, a small button nose, heterochromia eyes that are green and hazel, long boney fingers, a thin body with long legs, and some freckles on my cheeks.

I usually wear hoodies and sweatpants, but I also have some Goblincore/fairycore outfits as well

I’m calm and collected most of the time, and extremely observant, I also observe people’s body languages and can tell how a person feels easily.

I like collecting rocks and cute trinkets, choker necklaces, pendants, rings, anime, kids shows, cats, being alone, daydreaming, music, long car rides, nerdy things like science and physics, marvel, DC, a show called ‘The Hollow’ on Netflix (if u haven’t seen it u should check it out it’s super good and incredibly underrated), playing video games, writing, nature, swimming, taking care of plants, helping people, Halloween, rain, the smell of the morning dew, waking up late, the smell of Christmas, Pokémon, history, etc.

Disabilities: Anxiety, depression, ADHD, selective mutism, PTSD.

I never usually talk unless I have to, and I mostly just nod or shake my head.

I love solving puzzles, and I’ve been told I’m very smart, usually getting A’s and B+’s

I know karate and I can fight with a staff

I collect crystals among many other things

I am very anxious when I’m out in public, and I tend to fidget slot with my hands

My gender: Gender-fuild, but I prefer they/them

My sexuality: Pansexual, Polyamorous,

My age: 16

If you don’t mind, I’d prefer 1 male match up and 1 female match up

I match you with: Hunter Noceda!

-While 'calm and collected' might not seem to go with Hunter, you'd actually be wrong. Get him out of a life-threatening situation (Let him chill for more than five minutes I'm begging you) and he'll be pretty fucking chill.

-I feel like when Hunter was getting used to the whole "not being a child soldier" thing, he started observing how people acted to get a better understanding of the outside world.

-Hunter watches shows made for teens and kids and you can't convince me otherwise. He's making up for his lack of TV past.

-Hunter spends half his time daydreaming tbh. Now about you sdjkh-

-He likes going on walks and looking at nature (we have certain plant witch to blame for that.) So he's 100% down to just chill outside with you and/or talk about nature with you.

-Since you wake up late he's always made you breakfast before you wake up.

-Y'all both get hella good grades. (Please give your grades to me)

-Hunter also fidgets around a lot when he's nervous.

-He has 10/10 fighting skills.

I also match you with: Willow Park!

-Damn you got both the members of Huntlow.

-goblincore and fairycore are just on the opposite sides of nature and plant aesthetics. And Willow loves any nature-themed looks.

-A big part of personality is being calm and collected, For better or for worse. (The whole I can do this thing)

-Willow has a bunch of rocks all over her room. not even out of her love of nature she just likes how rocks look.

-Willow loves types all types of jewelry. She may not wear much but she does like the look.

-She likes slice of life animes.

-When she has free time she likes writing, specifically poetry.

-Again she loves nature and taking care of plants,

-The vibes of rain are everything to her.

-Willow not only is good at fighting but she also is strong as fuck. She would love to train with you.

I hope you like this!

#toh x reader #the owl house x reader #hunter x reader #golden gaurd x reader #hunter toh x reader #toh hunter x reader #willow toh x reader #willow park x reader #willow x reader

[toinfinitywinning]

What you see & hear- or even if you can. Just a cover.

Open it? There’s no tellin’ the worm. But you bought the ticket. It’s your Day 1.

They’re gonna try to break you.

Yk every Day I wake up. And I’m scared of it. Don’t want to. And not b/c im warm in my bed snuggling w/ my feather duvet and rain, with the weight of a horse on my legs play pretending he’s a 3 lb Show shhnowzaa but b/c I’ve already, already lived it. And having been in a constant State of fight or flight, normal or abnormal, sometimes u can’t tell —I still feel bad. W/e differentiation you had to separate the two both ended up at the North Pole but you’ve at least got Santa.

So this means I’m confused all Day but I still want some of Michael’s Secret Stuff Gatorade (haterade) from “welcome to the space jam—alright.” 🎵. To get me through. A safe energy drink. And your body doesn’t ☊ anymore so the more you talk to yourself the saner. It’s just I’ve never had to fake I’m physically okay to be present so much. Physical sickness affects ur mind Health and if you already struggle w/ that my condolences b/c your leg hurts too.

It’s a nightmare never 1-upping to a dream of being without. Then some days it’s will hear a song or remember a Good time or just Start crying-faucet not included. No acute-reason onset. (We gotta find another word for trigger no joke). I only subconsciously wonder will today be better…Will I get better? And I don’t know why I continue to continue being somewhere inbtw positive and negative. All the sudden my mind is taxed and so are your paychecks and I’ve been up for 15 minutes not even thinking I was thinking b/c Truth is, when something becomes your reality for such a Long time, everything just runs together. You’re afraid to feel anything yet know if you don’t it’s not just your body ready to atrophy. Not Good. And it’s a sneaky lil’ mf.

I can’t Imagine the omnipresent (best word for constant I got) Pain people feel having been with Illness their whole lives. How differently their world is shaped. Pain, prolonged cynicism, Illness prolonged, disability prolonged, w/e u used to think about things is gone unless you’re born one of these ways. Now to be clear I was born this Way but not THIS Way don’t get it twisted. Some days I wonder what it would be like to swap around. W/e it is—This presence does not belong to God— but maybe its mere existence really does b/c we won’t have anyone to thank if things get better? And there’s no joy in the things we’ve hoped for and overcome? And everything always has an End result of some kind…Right? If that’s my endgame I can only look at some things very matter of fact-ly. But. Here we are. Pending. Loading. Accept All Cookies. Your Health for potential healing is At the mercy of literally a button click away from quality or lifesaving or changing Medicine or therapy. CAN YOU AFFORD TO STAY ALIVE? Be fired? Bankrupt-ed? Evicted? No college, no trade School, but you work ur butt off to provide but you’re still paid $7.25/hr as I was as head intramural supervisor at Georgetown College. 15 years ago. Not just that, exist, like eating, clothes to wear, some sort of roof. So you’re choosing between crappy and crappier. Literally no difference. How in the is someone even going to try to stay healthy?!

Thankfully I don’t have to worry as much about the material, which, its Stress alone induces more trauma and Anxiety, but I’d bet how we feel physically isn’t too different. All the sudden again in the subconscious where I am all the time I’m figuring and not truly present you really think existentially like how in not God’s name clearly did I get here? I fixed everything. But Life isn’t played by a claw that has never won anybody a teddy bear. I wouldn’t pin karma to me in itself but it sure makes you think.

None of this is about to make sense but it’s where my mind took me.

Think about what was happening in your Life before things changed. Before literally waking up one Morning and knowing that very second things had to change or I was headed toward death a lot faster than I thought until that God moment. I don’t have many of them that are that dramatic but nothing was clearer to me in that moment. And then that Damn bat and conspiracy crap of government population control. If anthrax was sprinkled in Amazon boxes we’d be extinct. But Pretty sure we know how to get rid of people without breaking a beaker or test tube and then turning on a fan just gifting particles. And Unraveling ALL of the many ways of healing I’d finally lived into. I was so close. To every Fk up id invited. And so asking why anymore seems vacant. Echoing. And my ears hurt. ATP I’m More so saying well, I’m not sure that strategy is going to work anymore. Where’s the ღ in Health. It’s lost it. How much are you worth? No, like write down a monetary number on a piece of paper, fold it and slide it across the desk. Insurance companies be like: I see your offer and I’ll raise your offer: have you tried dying yet? B/c you could save a lot of money that way. The money it will take to bury you might even be more deadly.

So The most defeating part is beginning the Day as it ends. When I think about that it’s just like how did I get here? I’m still stubborn about it but maybe regardless of w/e someone accomplishes there’s the reality you’re still living in an imperfect world where you can only control so many things. Even if u gain that control back all those traps R still available. So you can Imagine my surprise when there’s not enough OCD to Go around to control THIS. regardless of what we can have control over, do that, b/c the smaller victories become magnified and walking to the kitchen to take your Meds that may or may not be helping is like an 8-ball w/ only 8 options. Eenie meenie miney. Mo.

I don’t set out to cry or tear up in the videos I share. I’ve always been a cryer. I’ve been told I feel things more intensely so it hits different, does different. The direct quote will remain anonymous but the sentimental pack rat in me wrote it down ASAP. Like, a handwritten letter. You took TIME for me. The quote—It was several years ago and I almost can’t stand it b/c it’s me in whatever kind of Shell is available at the time.

[“people perceive me as an individual who has the kindest of all hearts, but who struggles with the realities of life given that kindness…Like how the tenderhearted feel the pains of the earth more intensely.”]

It’s so true. But if I can’t be real what Good’s that gonna do? For me it further affirms what I already am living. In Edgar’s scary A** pit or with the company of not one canary in the coal mine.

C’ya in the AM. 🫡

[youforgivehowgodforgives]

Just a comment on that Taika post. But he hasn’t specified how he identifies, he’s always been somewhat illusive about it and because of this people have just assumed he is straight. Which in itself is kinda problematic, because you shouldn’t just assume everyone is straight when they refuse to out themselves.

Im not having a go at you btw, sorry if it comes across like that. There just seems to be this mentality on Tumblr that we are entitled to peoples sexual identity. Especially people who are in the public eye. When really - no, no we aren’t! No one owes us anything. If Taika is closeted and doesn’t want to out himself, then that’s his business. And if he wants to be playful with it and tell queer stories, that is also his business. I don’t understand the ego and arrogance of some people who think a celeb/creative MUST reveal all their identifiers if they are going to tell certain stories. Because the truth is, we don’t know who is what and how people feel. We aren’t owed anyones story and it’s totally reductive to just assume every person who isn’t outwardly gay must of course then be heterosexual.

Sorry for the length of that, and sorry if it came across angry. I’m just really tired of some communities on Tumblr, because I know the majority of these people are fully fledged adults who are capable of giving these topics rational thought. And as someone with severe mental health issues, being physically disabled, and autistic, I personally feel that even those issues don’t hold someone back completely from considering this (tho of course that is subjective, so I am conscious of the individual differences there).

I think, either way, a lot of people will have an issue with what I’ve said here. Which is fine, okay, you can have your opinion just as I can have mine. I have no illwill towards you. But it’s just so disheartening watching a group of people be so vindictive and cruel to someone who is actually making an effort to tell queer stories . And of course, those queer stories aren’t free from critique. But at least he is trying, and assuming he is straight just because he won’t say his sexuality is in itself some kinda queerphobic. (all of this is my opinion, of course, so you don’t have to take my word for it - no forcing of beliefs here 🐰)

idk anything about that man + dont particularly care for him + honestly even if he isnt straight it was a stupid thing for him to say. sorry u feel that way i guess

[fawn-paws]

I realized the culprit of 90% of my problems and it’s called demand avoidance. It’s an autism thing I think. Which every time I learn what a thing I do or experience is a autistic trait the more I’m like woag. I might be autistic. Anyway. I realize that it plays a big part in like commissions and stuff. How I really really really REALLY want to do commissions, and I actually LOVE doing commissions, I enjoy it so much, but once I actually get a commission, it’s not that I don’t like it or enjoy it or don’t like the character or the person commissioning me, it’s that when there’s any expectation of me to do something then i just physically cannot do it, like there’s just this barrier preventing me. I’ve noticed this is a thing I’ve experienced as long as I can remember but I didn’t know it was even a thing or that other people felt like that or that all the things I can’t do are like connected bc I have that. Lol. And bc my parents had drilled it into my head that I was just being lazy or just throwing a tantrum or being a brat, I now have imposter syndrome big time bc every time I can’t do something I beat myself up about it and I keep thinking I need to just get over it and do it and deal with it etc etc and whenever I try to remind myself that no, this is a product of a disability and telling myself that only makes it worse and puts MORE demands on myself, I should be kind to myself, then I just feel guilty about being kind to my “lazy” self, and get imposter syndrome again lol. Anyway I need to find out ways to help myself bc I haven’t yet researched how to not be demand avoidant when u have obligations other than to be patient and kind to urself. But then it’s ok now what. Lol. Anyway. Just woooo revelations. Idk. Maybe someone else has this too and can be like o. That’s me. !!!

#I need to get diagnosed when I have money hhrrbbgjhxnvf lol

[pocketsizedquasar]

(this is long, sorry, I just don't have anyone else to rant to abt this lmao)

Ok I wanna start off by saying I'm white, so when discussing the portrayal of Jon as a POC I may make mistakes, and I'm sorry for if/when I do; please correct me. BUT I have been thinking a LOT about this lately and I gotta get it off my chest

A lot of the whole "portraying the TMA characters as queer POC" thing reminds me of that article/thread about how diversifying the cast isn't the same as actual diversity.

Black people's experiences, NB POC, and queer people's experiences are going to have notable differences from those of cishet white people. So writing a character as a cis or white or straight person and then just...making them a poc/queer person doesn't always work. Especially with things like TMA, because the whole point of the podcast is that it's based in enough reality that it could be portrayed as "real" or "possible"; the characters are portrayed as if they are real people, even sharing names with the actors who play them.

A white actor's experience is not going to portray all the same things as a black person's....a cis person's experience is not going to portray the same things as a trans person's. If a trans poc wants to headcanon Jon as a trans poc and it brings them happiness, that's fine!

But so often I see non-trans, non-queer, and/or non-poc portraying him as a black trans man without any real regard for what that means outside of "I drew a white guy but made his skin dark and gave him aesthetically pleasing top surgery scars".

Idk man. A while ago I was in a different fandom where for some reason abled people wanted to portray a notable character as physically disabled/ as a cane and wheelchair user. On the surface there was nothing wrong with it and you could have even called it "diversity", but as a physically disabled person who has used both a cane and a wheelchair, it really rubbed me the wrong way; I didn't feel represented and if anything it made me feel even more alienated from the fandom. I'm getting similar vibes from a lot of these cis and/or white ppl who headcanon the TMA characters as trans people and as POC. It's like you and others have said, it feels more fetishy than inclusive.

No need to apologize!

And YES. YES. "diversifying the cast isn't the same as actual diversity." This EXACTLY. This is how we get stuff like Hamilton and Shera other pieces of media, where Black and brown people are added onto stories to create an outward appearance of diversity, but the story itself is still deeply a white one, and in some cases the addition of POC in these stories actually obfuscates the existing racial dynamics!! (also looking at you moby dick musical). I feel like a bunch of white creators saw "we need diverse stories" and took that as their prerogative to start just unthinkingly adding POC to their narratives, when the call for diverse stories was never about them in the first place, but about POC being able to tell our OWN stories. A ~diverse~ cast means nothing if your writers' room is majority white, and means nothing if your story does nothing to meaningfully engage with the diversity it's using for its aesthetic.

With stuff like TMA, where a lot of the MCs are written as aracial (re: white), this is how you get like. Typical fanon-accepted versions of characters of color (as well as fanon-accepted versions for who doesn't get to be a POC: see martin almost universally being portrayed as a white man) on a surface level without anyone actually bothering to dissect what that would mean for the story. TMA already so deeply deals with privilege, capitalism, agency, and power, all of which are themes that inherently change if you make the protagonist a man of color.

If Jon is brown or Black then suddenly his interactions with the police and the fact that he is a victim of police brutality become very different. If Jon is a MOC then the abuse he faces at the hands of Elias, his wealthy white boss -- the abuse and manipulation that really is in many ways the driving force of the plot -- becomes very different. If Jon is a MOC then his bitter acceptance of his privileged and oppressive role in the apocalypse is VERY very different!! S5 especially is a narrative about privilege and power and what we do with it; Jon being a MOC in that narrative changes the entire character of the final season just as Jon being a white man in that narrative would drastically change the reception of it. How much would white ppl be willing to engage with this story if they viewed Jon as white -- as a white man choosing who to let suffer and who to let Gain power, as a white person claiming that he can be the arbiter of "fair" judgment on who deserves to live and who deserves to suffer and die? Would white ppl be able to actually engage with that, that dissection of whiteness? I really don't think so. I think Jon being a MOC enables a lot of white fans to distance themselves from the problems TMA -- in many cases successfully and many cases not so much -- tries to raise. I think white ppl making Jon a MOC often feel it exempts them from examining their own racial biases, both towards Jon and other characters, but also the very privileged biases that TMA itself addresses (and in some cases, the racial problems that TMA actually contains)

All this to say, headcanons do not exist in a vacuum. Projecting onto characters is all fine and good (hell knows that's literally how I write Jon -- projecting all my mishmashed identities onto him) -- but some careful thought into how we are portraying characters beyond "this is the typical fandom interpretation of him" or "I like how this looks" is...really necessary imo, especially when it comes to identities that you're not yourself a part of (this is general "you," not directed at u the asker specifically). There comes a point where your headcanon either is detracting from the text itself or complicating/changing it in a way that needs to be addressed; otherwise you're likely to end up lookin like a Fool TM /lh

#tma #tma crit #the magnus archives #the magnus archives crit #jon sims #jonathan sims #racism #cw racism #fandom crit #fandom critical #fandom racism #quasartalks #long post #cw police brutality ment #police brutality ment #ask #friendlyneighbourhoodpapergay

[obeiii-mee]

Heyo, this is my first time asking (im kinda new to tumblr, so please dont judge) if you would'nt mind, could you do some headcannons (or oneshots, it dosen't matter) with all the demon bros and a MC who is crippled/paralized in their legs, and has to use a wheelchair to get around? Thank you!!

——————————-

This is the first time I’ve written about a crippled MC, so I hope I didn’t fuck this up or anything. I found out that being paralysed in both legs is a disability called Paraplegia so that’s how I titled this post. And y’all are too sweet, you are more than welcome anon! I hope I can portray this properly because I am not crippled myself so I’ve opted to do some research before writing this! I hope you like it! Also, I feel inclined to add that none of the brothers would treat you too differently if you happen to have a disability because you’re their human nonetheless :)

——————————-

The Brothers with an MC that has Paraplegia and needs a wheelchair to get around:

Lucifer:

-Lucifer was in charge of choosing the final human, exchange student for the program so it’s guaranteed he already knew about your predicament before you even arrived

-Him and Diavolo probably had many meetings concerning your disability before the program could commence, considering that being unable to walk would double the chances of you getting killed since you are obviously more vulnerable

-Not to mention all the treatment you would require

-Lucifer is not well versed in human illnesses and disorders, but he makes sure that he is educated enough on the matter before you get brought down there

-It would not be easy, but he is determined to help you survive your year in DevilDom for the prince’s sake

-First problem of the day was, of course, your wheelchair

-Due to lack of time, Lucifer was unable to instal ramps around the House of Lamentation which meant that for the first couple of weeks, someone would’ve had to help you move around certain parts of the house

-He gave that highly prestigious job to himself because he didn’t trust his brothers and thought they would accidentally drop you and your wheelchair down the stairs

-He talks a lot to you, even at the beginning, because he needs to establish your needs and what he should do to make sure you don’t die for the following year

-You would have to tell him about physical therapy and how most commonly it uses heat, massage and exercise to stimulate your nerves and muscles, making it a great treatment for people with leg paralysis

-Once you two enter a more intimate and personal relationship, it’s more than likely he’ll help you perform those things himself (instead of kidnapping a human doctor from somewhere)

-Lucifer knows you have no problem getting around with your wheelchair by yourself but there are times where he’ll insist to push you along in order to give you a quick break

-I can totally imagine you two strolling around DevilDom and having cosy chats about RAD and your adjustments to DevilDom

-He has a softer side to him that he’s afraid to show most of the time, but he feels so at ease when you’re around, it’s hard for him to hold that part of him hidden from you

-Of course, your safety still remains his primary concern and he acts more like your guardian than Mammon does, even if he was originally supposed to look out for you

-He will accompany you almost anywhere. And if he can’t, he’ll have one or more of his brothers do it. And even then he’s probably lurking nearby, just in case

-He would always be willing to listen about your condition, if you wished to tell him whether you were born with the defect or why you ended up crippled later in life. Either way, he’s all ears

-If you would rather not speak about it, he wouldn’t pry and respect your decision because he knows it’s not his place to pressure you

-Because of your paralysis, it’s quite obvious to demons that you are even weaker (physically speaking) than most humans and that usually puts a target on your back

-Howver, never fear, because Lucifer is pretty quick to put lower rank demons in their place with just a mere stare

-Oop one of them passed out from the fear, haha

-In conclusion, he’s the most responsible when it comes your comfort and safety during your stay

-He makes sure you are always left in good hands and and provides most of the requirements you need

-Y’all should see how his wings puff up when he senses a threat approaching you, he looks like a peacock ready to go on attack lol

Mammon:

-The second born is unsurprisingly a bit of a jerk at first

-He stays really grumpy the whole day of your arrival because he’s stuck babysitting you stupid human

-“Lucifer c’mon, what’s all this workload for? The human can’t even walk by themselves, why do I have to help them out?”

-Wtf Mammon you can’t say shit like that

-Anyways, the following very few days, the only thing he’s thinking about is how much money he could sell your wheelchair for

-He’s the literal incarnation of greed, what else did you expect from him?

-After a while, he starts feeling a bit guilty every time he thinks about it though

-Mammon is gonna take this secret to the grave (laughs in immortal) but he actually really likes pushing you around

-Maybe it’s because it’s a clear indication to everyone around him that you are HIS human, under HIS protection and therefore you trust HIM the most since he was your FIRST MAN

-He will insist on helping you get out of that thing when you need to go to bed and stuff every night and he will get pouty real fast if you let any of his other brothers do it

-You wake up to him trying to roll around in your wheelchair one night at like 3am

-At some point, he stole a wheelchair from the human realm to match with his human. You can guess the consequences of his actions

-I can imagine you having to face a staircase or something at school and Mammon being like:

-“Fuck it, imma carry this fragile human instead; wheelchair and all!”

-Like you were a sack of potatoes or something smh

-Cue his brothers watching him from a distance as he heaves you and basically weight-lifts you up the stairs

-Ok but every now and again, he gets so sad thinking about you not being able to walk, like he starts crying kinda sad

-While you stand there like 😐 “Why are you crying?”

-He’s so quick to help if he senses you’re in danger too

-It’s canon that Mammon is crazy fast if he wants to be so if he has even the slightest impression that your life is threatened, his feet are already moving

-He will charge at your immediate threat at around 120 miles per hour-do not try him when he’s mad

-“The Great Mammon saved the day! C’mon MC, let’s go buy some ice cream. My treat! Ya better be grateful!”

-He says while the demon that tried to eat you lies on the floor with about a dozen broken bones

-Mammon is the second most powerful demon out of all of his brothers, even if he doesn’t resort to violence often

Levi:

-He didn’t really know how to react when you first teleported to DevilDom

-I mean, from the very beginning he considered you to be a human normie but at the same time, he felt bad you were stuck with his brothers for the rest of the year

-I think he would understand you would have an even harder time integrating yourself in their house because of your disability and he knows his siblings are really fucking annoying, always pushing you around and whatnot

-So, he kinda lets you hide in his room quite often

-You guys chill out in there all the time, much to the dismay of the other brothers who also want to spend time with you

-At some point, Levi definitely begged asked Lucifer to let you start online classes with him

-“But wouldn’t it be easier for MC to do online school from home rather than go to R.A.D since there aren’t any ramps or anything around there???”

-“The answer is no Leviathan.”

-“Ugh fine! What a fucking boomer-“

-For some reason, he gets so flustered whenever you ask him to push you around

-He blushes right to the tips of his ears and then he starts sputtering some nonsense that you can’t make out at all

-But he’s more than happy to do it, especially if you guys are going to a convention or if he’s dragging you out to buy new merch

-You two would get along in the sense that Levi realises the struggles you faced all your life were tough to overcome and he believes you are just like him

-Usually left out by other people, ignored even

-He knows you always listen to him ramble on about whatever he is currently obsessed with and how much you check up on him to make sure he never isolated himself

-He wants to do that for you too! Talk to him about your hobbies, please I’m begging you-he feels so bad whenever he’s doing all the talking

-If you ask him to help you with anything (getting something, helping you into bed—that sort of thing), he legally and physically can’t say ‘no’

-And he would get envious enough to stop talking to you for a day or two if you let his brothers do it instead (the second and third born are indeed similar lmao)

-S T A Y I N H I S R O O M, W H E R E Y O U C A N B E P R O T E C T E D !

-He will feel so much more at ease if you’re in his room because to him, that’s his haven

-If you’re in there with him, that means you’re not getting involved in his siblings’ endless and dangerous shenanigans

-Whenever you’re at school, he can’t help but worry about your well-being

-Because you’re human! You’re gonna get killed!! Do you know how much your organs sell on the black market in DevilDom??? 100x more than in the human realm, that’s for sure

-Would they have a black market or would it be a regular market lol

-For some reason, he also likes staying in your wheelchair when you’re not using it

-I think he just takes comfort in knowing it’s something that belongs to you and smells like you and-

-OK Levi, sit back down

-He wouldn’t treat you any differently if you had a disability tbh, but he’d be more concerned because you can’t even run away or anything

-So he’s so fuckin’ relieved when you guys are just vibing in his room

-He could die happy knowing he kept his best friend/ partner safe

Satan:

-Satan would be even more prepared for your arrival than Lucifer would, in a sense

-Out of all of his brothers, he’s most likely to understand and recognise paraplegia (either from studying human illnesses/birth defects/disabilities or from encountering humans with said disability)

-He’s a smart boy, alright?

-Always seems to be the first to notice if you need help or if someone’s bothering you

-Though in the very beginning, he was pretty tempted to just let you get killed to see how angry Lucifer could get

-Seeing dear Luci’s misery brings him great joy 🥰🥰🥰

-Once you two manage to build a very honest and strong relationship, he feels more and more inclined to keep you out of harm’s way

-Pls, he would feel so honoured if you let him push you around (it’s like you asked him to h*ld h*nds or something)

-If you require treatment of any kind, he would be so happy to help

-But in a subtle way...?

-Satan makes it seem so smooth too like he doesn’t mind lending a helping hand when in reality he’s all giddy inside

-*Kinda wants to rub it in his brothers’ faces but at the same no, because he’s definitely the bigger person here

-He wants to know how your wheelchair works

-It’s got all of these neat mechanisms and he wants to learn how they’re constructed because he never had the chance to inspect one before

-He’s such a sweetheart about asking you as well and never pries about your disability unless you start elaborating yourself

-Most of the time, he acts all charming and very gentleman-like

-So people have a hard time spotting and acknowledging the building rage inside of him every time he sees you are threatened by some moronic low rank demon

-Satan’s usually chill when it comes to injuries, unless he can see you’re in horrible pain

-There’s nothing a few spells can’t accomplish

-But when others purposefully try harming you?

-It’s like he loses all the self control he’s been trying to perfect over the centuries and he can’t help himself from at least breaking someone’s rib cage

-Satan’s a weird one because he’s protective of you even though he’s more on the relaxed side when compared to his siblings

-He very much acknowledges that you made it this far in life with your predicament so he doesn’t feel the need to baby you or anything

-You’re strong and he knows this

-It’s one of the many things he clearly loves about you

-That one time you rolled over Mammon’s foot with your wheelchair on purpose, he was wheezing

Asmo:

-Even now, he can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be stuck inside a wheelchair for the rest of his eternal life

-I mean, he’d obviously still be absolutely fabulous, have you seen him? He’s gonna be gorgeous either way

-But after the two of you meet, he definitely starts thinking about how he takes his feet for granted all the time

-It would be so difficult to complete his daily tasks without the ability to walk or run around

-That’s why he gets sad every time he remembers that’s your reality and on days like that, you’ve noticed he gives you a helluva lot more attention than usual

-He knows you don’t need pity or anything so he’s just making sure his human has all the support they can get

-Paraplegia or not, shopping trips are still a go-go

-He loves buying you clothes! And he loves helping you try them on! Asmo takes it very seriously

-Might have a go at the employees if they’re being rude to you

-You don’t even ask him to, but he subconsciously starts pushing you around himself whenever the two of you are out together

-“MC! Look at that new shop that’s just opened! Isn’t it adorable? We have to check it out!”

-He can’t help it! There’s so many places he wants to visit, he sort of just drags you with him wherever he goes

-Even at home, he always pops out of nowhere to coax you into coming to his room

-Y’all have so many skin routines to do each day

-Like he’s in your room most nights to greet you goodnight and tuck you in, with the rest of his brothers it gets so awkward at times

-Asmo just wants to see you smile, ok? He thinks you have a beautiful smile and laugh and he wants to remind you that you’re marvellous, disability or not

-And if anyone does anything to put an end to your self confidence, he will swiftly put an end to their life

-Please, he’s a pro at ruining lives, he’s been doing it for centuries

-Asmo has such a huge influence over the people in DevilDom, he just needs to make this one post on Devilgram to end said demon’s whole career

-I mean, who is he compared to him, Hmm? So don’t worry MC, scum like that don’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you :)

-That one time Mammon tried lifting you up the stairs and Asmo started shrieking, like put them down! Don’t manhandle them like that, poor human :(

Beel:

-I know I sound repetitive, but he would be an overall sweetheart to you no matter the circumstances

-If Mammon is not by your side, then Beel definitely is

-His big, scary aura and figure usually scares off any threat in a 10 mile radius

-Most demons don’t fancy being eaten by the Avatar of Gluttony, ya know?

-Idk why but I feel like he’d be the type to ask for oral consent every time he wanted to push you around

-He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable :(

-Surprisingly also the type to lift you and your wheelchair whenever an obstacle gets in your way

-You basically weigh the same amount as a paper plate compared to him, so he has no problem doing so

-He doesn’t really understand your condition as well as Satan may do, but he’s trying his best

-You mean so much to him and he feels it’s only fair he learns more about your disability as a thank you for what you’ve done for him

-He has a rough time keeping up with you when it comes to stuff like physical therapy because he’s very unfamiliar with it but that doesn’t mean he’s not gonna help

-Of course, Beel believes that this is the second best way to show you how much he cares for you besides the obvious ‘I love you’

-Giving you a hand whenever you need his support the most

-That’s his way of saying “I’m not going to let you down. I want you to trust me, the same way I trust you.”

-And knowing him, he will try to do everything in his power to keep you safe and sound

-After a while, you’re bound to notice he’s the first one to pull you out of his brothers’ pranks before you have a chance to get hurt

-Beel is always the one handing you stuff from high places you can’t reach, without teasing you for it like Mammon might do

-Always the first one to remind you to get plenty of rest and to eat enough

-He wants to protect you and his brothers because he knows he failed to do so with Lilith so yeah, he’s a bit overprotective at times

-He doesn’t mean to be overbearing, but he gets so anxious knowing you’re by yourself

-After a few months of getting accommodated with him, your disability is no longer brought up in the conversation

-Because he doesn’t care that you are crippled and forced to use a wheelchair

-You are part of his family and he loves you no matter what

Belphie:

-He didn’t really care, even when you first met and his hatred for humans was at its very peak

-It didn’t matter that you had a disability

-All that mattered to him at the time was killing you to satisfy that deeply rooted need of vengeance inside of him

-Though he was sort of surprised his brothers didn’t get to you first

-In general, he’s pretty chill about you being crippled in both legs

-It takes too much effort to worry about your well-being 24/7 after all

-Surprisingly, he does keep an eye out for you if his siblings aren’t nearby

-It’s his redemption arc people, he’s trying to be nicer

-But he has such an irritating way of showing his affection for you

-Do not let him push you around

-He’s either going to a) fall asleep after 30 seconds and slump over you in the middle of RAD’s halls

-Or b) be annoying and fling your wheelchair in every direction possible just to piss you off

-He likes messing with you because you give him the best reactions and he thrives on that

-You’ve almost fallen off your wheelchair multiple times because of this asshole

-Not that he’d actually let you fall, he just wants to see how easily he can get you to yell at him

-Speaking of said wheelchair, like Mammon and Levi, he also loves using it when you’re not

-You’ve woken up to him curled up and asleep in that thing quiet often and he’s gotten in trouble over it every time with Lucifer

-But he doesn’t care

-And at this point, I don’t think even he knows whether he’s doing it to get a reaction out of you or because he somehow found a way to make himself comfortable there

-He would low key use you as a mode of transportation every time you go to RAD

-Just clings the damn wheelchair and almost topples both of you over

-“Belphie, there’s nothing stopping you from walking 😐”

-“Shh, just bring me to class and let me nap until then.”

-He doesn’t mention your legs but he still lays his head on your lap often

-Might make you hold him like a bride every time you stroll around the house

-It’s done out of love, I promise 😌😌

———————————

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #obey me leviathan #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #om #obey me headcanons #obey me hcs #paraplegia #⭐️ requests #🕯 general #☂️ demon brothers

[simonalkenmayer]

Sorry to bring this to you, but I just need somebody to listen and maybe provide a good outlook if able... I'm. So incredibly enraged by ableism in society right now. I got handed the genetic short stick in life, so I have horrible knees with bursitis, which causes painful inflammation, so I've been living in braces for a while now and today I finally could afford to buy myself a cane... Not even two hours in, some old man thinks it's funny to say "Hey, give me that, my knees are killing me" - Sir. SIR. If you know your knees will hurt you then BUY YOUR OWN CANE. God I wish it were legal to put the foot of said cane through his eye socket, because that's what I wanted to do in that moment. Sure I'd fall over while doing it, but at least him and his nastiness would be brought down with me. I know you deal with your own pain and probably have your own means of easing it, be it medication or physical aids, so I'm hoping you can understand my indignation and anger over this and maybe advise how to handle it in the future. Thank you for your time in even reading this, and for always being as positive a person as you can.

One of my first interactions with people was to cross the path of a horribly deformed beggar. I’ll spare you the details, but it infuriated me to see people walk around him as if he wasn’t there.

It stuck with me all these years.

I continue to learn, and find that O too have u wittingly been ableist at times, because when one isn’t aware of an issue or how that issue affects others, it’s easy not to know how to help. I wish in this society it was engrained in everyone, not to be meddlesome or feel entitled to judge people for their limitations, but to simply embrace them and adapt. Nothing about us is worse for helping others. Not one damn thing. No one is hurt to let someone use a wheelchair in target or sit in the special access seating or use a cane without being disturbed.

I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I can tell you it will always be that way. My recommendation is to always call attention to the behavior and force the person to think about what it would be like if someone treated them that way.

One third of this country is either disabled or chronically ill. About 150 million people. Be conscious of it always, and ask people what they’re need. Don’t tell them to just deal with things when you can improve them. That’s part of being kind, I think.

[our-hextech-dream]

i'd like to chime in on the viktor post, since it also became a bit of a viktor analysis: one thing that sort of came to my attention re: LoL vs Arcane is that in LoL, i think he's a fun antagonist. but when i watched arcane, i didn't know anything about LoL viktor. i absolutely adored his arc in Arcane; i felt like he wasn't reduced to his disability, he was extremely competent,and while he was definitely hindered by his disability, it wasn’t, like. This horrible, terrible burden he 1/?

suffered from and longed to be free of. He was an intelligent and brilliant inventor, and he also needed to use a cane. and i think that even though he made a mistake with the hexcore, it felt very much like jayce's actions killing a child. in the way that their actions, while they were mistakes, did not make them villains. they were still heroic, even if they made mistakes, because they were humbled due to their hubris and chose to learn from it. which i ADORE. but after reading up LoL lore i'm side-eyeing season two. so far the writing for the characters has been incredibly nuanced and satisfying for me, so i’m not SUPER worried, but i’m hoping that they don’t take viktor to quite the extremes of LoL viktor. I don’t know all of LoL’s lore, but as far as i can tell, Viktor didn’t have the same disabilities Arcane Viktor does -- and i’m a bit wary that they might turn him into a villain on the level of silco. Still nuanced, but certainly not very heroic. And disabled people so rarely get to be heroes! By all means, Viktor creating assistance devices using Hextech until he’s able to basically achieve the same physical feats as able bodied people would be great; but i also don’t want it to be like ‘look he’s cured now ayyy!’ i really hope that instead of that, he and jayce become more like ‘heroes on opposite sides’. LoL Viktor does have some of that nuance (like trying to save the catatonic people with the crystal), but i want that even moreso in Arcane.

i think if the discussion with @hexhomos taught me anything it's that LoL viktor can be a really subtle and multifaceted character! he can also be a mustache twirling villain in some of the 'side' league stories, but given my own comics fandom background i'm perfectly happy viewing that kind of stuff as sort of... dubiously canon. canon when i want it to be to make a point, noncanon when its annoying or breaks my interpretation of a character, lmao.

on the one hand, i wouldn't worry too much (which you said you haven't been) because the writers have done great so far and i don't see any reason that would suddenly change. on the other, arcane was created to tell the story of vi and jinx - everyone else is an afterthought, added because it makes sense for them to be there and they can add to the story, but they're not the focal points. so i can definitely see a portion of fans being disappointed because they feel like viktor didn't get the narrative focus they feel he would have needed to make his turn believable, and this is gonna be the loud portion of 'viktor ooc' fans, if i had to make an educated guess.

(i know i keep bringing up loki in the tags but i'm. so serious. treat the mcu fandom as a case study for this because i have been watching the exact same arguments play out again in real time. 'avengers loki didn't have a believable enough reason to become a villain therefore he's ooc' because we didn't get to see him explicitly tortured by thanos - it was implied, though. they spent exactly as much time on it as was necessary to give us the information we needed without taking the focus away from the actual main characters! i see arcane doing something similar with viktor and the hexcore. the writers are trusting us to be smart enough to pick up on the cues.)

re: his disabilities - we all need to be aware that empowering for me is not necessarily empowering for thee. there are going to be people who disagree with viktor's outcome no matter how arcane chooses to portray it or what they end up doing with his physical disabilities. cure him, don't cure him, lose the focus on his disabilities altogether, continue to focus on them even after his turn, let him keep his humanity, let him go full hal 9000; either way there are going to be people with perfectly valid points who will think they should have done the opposite. i hope that people can come to terms with all possible outcomes before s2 comes out, get cool with the idea that their ideal viktor may not be the one that arcane wants or needs. no matter what we may feel would be 'realistic', we have to keep in mind that he's a fictional character with a role to play in a story, and they're gonna make him play that part no matter how they have to get him there.

#arcane #viktor #hextext #saccharineomens #i don't have an answer tag lmao #also hello *waves in sharing a server* you could have just @me on discord LMAO but i appreciate the ask! #gives me a chance to get my thoughts out w/out other ppl chiming in first

[lochnessies]

ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad). 

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace. 

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system. 

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society. 

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious. 

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic. 

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place. 

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

#i finished this at 1am so sorry if i’m incoherent #mine

[sokkagatekeeper]

i really appreciate u bringing up people ignoring toph’s blindness in exchange for hcing her as having other (non physical) disabilities. i also wonder if you have any thoughts about people engaging with the possibility of her having other non-canon disabilities in addition to her blindness in good faith, without ignoring or sidelining her blindness? either way, thank you for pointing that out!

well. if there is any headcanon of the “toph has a neurodivergent/other disability” sort that doesn’t base itself on “proof” that is actually textually attributed to toph... being already disabled, basically, and thus doesn’t minimize or at absolute worse ignore that toph is canonically blind and thus disabled then sure. why not. of course i can give it a chance.

unfortunately though i have yet to see such a post. because the thing about writing a character as disabled in any sort of way is that you must always consider the effect said disability (or any sort of factor that makes them a minority,,, like honestly) has on that character’s socialization, relationships, and self-perception. a lot of toph’s character is related to her blindness (and if you know which post i’m talking about, i mean a Lot of the things that make toph’s complexity are about her being disabled, yes, BLIND) and to consider how toph having, say, adhd, would or would have affected her regarding her upbringing, relationships, and perception of herself, the same way her blindness has an effect on all these factors.

zuko’s character, for example, already contains all the complexities and nuances of how he would have been/was socialized and thus how it affected his relationships (with iroh, as the most obvious example) and his self-perception. this is why the “headcanon” (i prefer analysis, but whatever) of zuko being autistic fits perfectly in the text; because it is already in the text.

i think that for the excellently written character that is toph specifically as a disabled character, this fandom tends to oversimplify or plainly ignore the complexities of toph’s blindness down to the simplest ones, mind the irony. i don’t mean to generalize or be a bitch, and i do agree that zuko and katara present a lot of autistic traits, as aang and sokka are very obviously dealing with adhd. but things like wanting to assign a disability that has no actual basis on the text to toph when an awful (awful) lot of the so-called said basis of this analysis/headcanon/whatever is that toph is already disabled in a well-written complex and thoughtful way, sometimes it does sound a lot to me like toph is “not disabled enough” for some of you.

in conclusion enough of people inserting a minority label on every character as if they’re filling a coloring book, just watch the show thoughtfully instead of doing such an elaborate performative and frankly tone-deaf post for woke points idk what else to tell y'all okay byeeeee

#this is a mess of an answer but whatever #n #anon #asks #* #toph

[lunarreaper-ut]

Do they have chronc illness? Having long(er) lives doesn't mean they can't feel it xD

So nighty, isn't corrupted but has some Kind of phantomn tentacles, interesting. Which makes me curious about killer and about his soul state? Is it like canon killer or... ??

I want to know... I really really do... Are there any rumors going around the castle? Especially about nighty and killer and their... Nightly visits~ uwu do people mistake it AS something else like *cough*naughty*cough* things or maybe believing nighty is torturing killer or idk, any Kind if ridiculous story? Do people even now that killer chills in nightys room (where he actually gets storys read by the king of night himself, lol. Its so cute i swear! Oh if they would know haha 🤭<3) And also ... Do they sometime uumm.. (Obliviously) happen to Cuddle while reading/listening to each other, sometimes???

Oh and Pls tell me... Do any of them have any Kind of habbits? Im curious^^

Ps: will u maybe make something like an relation chart someday??? Dont have to, just asking. :3

Oh these are good questions! All your questions are good but nonetheless >w<

Let's get into it!

Do the Kings have any Chronic Illnesses?

I'm not sure exactly what you mean, but I assume you're talking about like disabilities? Like how some people headcanon (me included) that the original Nightmare has back problems because of the tentacles?

If that's the case, then technically Nightmare does have one, but it's not the back issues. Nightmare has minor vision issues in his right eye, because of an injury in the past. He also has a pretty obvious scar, which makes him rather intimidating. I haven't mentioned it because I haven't finished his design yet and I haven't really had a reason to mention it >w<; (Honestly I haven't really described any of them o.o)

The Kings aren't really all that affected by their age, but they are capable of being scarred or permanently disabled. Their particularly strong immune systems also makes it hard for any serious chronic illnesses to afflict them. It's another one of those "It's not impossible, but it's certainly not likely" situations >w<

Is Killer's soul similar to his canon soul?

Yep! Killer's soul does appear outside of his body, but it is visually different from the original Killer. KV!Killer's soul seems to have a white pupil, like an eye! Killer is also able to move his soul around slightly, though only to position it differently around his body. (Such as moving it into the palm of his hand, or around his torso, though it takes a fair bit of effort and he never has a reason to do so.)

Killer's soul is also similar in that it can change into a heart shape when he's feeling particularly positive feelings!

Are there any rumors about Killer and Nightmare's late night visits?

Thankfully for them, no not yet! People don't really pay much attention to the King of the Night or his Guard, and Nightmare usually stays in his office until most of the staff have already gone to sleep. (He works late, Killer has been trying to break him out of the habit.)

Killer and Nightmare already walk around and spend a lot of time together (Since Killer is his Royal Guard), so the idea that Killer would escort Nightmare to his room isn't unsurprising even if someone saw them. If someone were to see Killer going into Nightmare's room, they'd probably just assume it was for some sort of check or precaution. Killer doesn't really sleep in there often either, so there's never been an incident of someone seeing him come out of Nightmare's room in the morning.

Do they cuddle during their late night visits?

Hehe >w< Killer tries to respect Nightmare's boundaries, so he doesn't really do a lot of physical contact with the King, but there are some times where they're a bit more comfortable with each other~! Killer might lean against Nightmare while he reads, or even lay his head in Nightmare's lap when he's feeling particularly bold, and Nightmare allows it.

When he asked what Killer was doing, he just said he was getting comfortable, and Nightmare left it at that. If Nightmare were to ever initiate any physical affection, Killer wouldn't even question it, and would just enjoy it!

So they don't really full on cuddle (yet), but there's some physical affection >w<

Do any of them have any habits?

I assume this is for the main four, so I'll go ahead and answer for those four!

Nightmare

Nightmare has a habit of working late (as previously mentioned). By the time he's finished, most of the castle have retired for the evening (other than those who work night shifts.) He's also developed the habit of scanning the rooms he enters before fully stepping in. That developed because of the assassination attempts.

Nightmare also has the habit (in private) of holding or squeezing comfort items, like the plushy he was gifted. If he can't do that, he taps surfaces. It usually ends up making him look impatient.

Dream

Dream has a habit of talking over people sometimes. He doesn't really mean to, and has been working to fix it. Being the King, he's never really had to fight for someone to listen, so he sometimes forgets that he should be the one listening. He mostly does this to Nightmare, but it truly isn't intentional.

He also has gained the habit of needing to touch Cross in some way if he's nervous. It's usually grabbing onto his clothes or even his hand, but having some contact with Cross is a comfort.

Cross

Cross' habits are mostly in relation to his training. He's developed such a strict routine over the years, that straying from it usually makes him feel off for the rest of the day. He has to do things a certain way or it just doesn't feel right.

Non work related habits though? Cross separates his food on his plate. He's not sure where the habit came from, but he likes keeping his food separated, even if it seems childish. He'll also end up grabbing food or drinks that Dream likes when he means to get something for himself.

Killer

Killer also has the habit of checking a room before entering it. This stems from his years running from the Guardsmen though. Not having eyelights makes it easier for him to carefully examine places or people without getting suspicious. He also habitually cleans his knives. He has to do it at least once a week, but he also does it when he's bored with nothing else to do.

If he's able to, Killer will count the people in the rooms he enters too, and keeps track of who leaves and who comes in. He makes note of people who might be issues, and never lets anyone get within a certain distance of Nightmare without him being certain they can't or won't do harm.

Most if not all of Killer's habits are related to his past or his current job, but there is one that I can think of that isn't job related! Killer has the habit of looking at Nightmare after he tells a joke or a pun. He wants to see Nightmare's reactions.

As for the relationship chart? I'm not sure! I could do one, I just haven't done one before so I dunno how I'd set it up >w<

#answered asks #Kingdomverse? #Kingdomverse #KV!Nightmare #KV!Killer #KV!Dream #KV!Cross #killermare

[havenoffandoms]

Just Fine (Aiden/Lambert)

Based on Kashimalin’s 50 Types of Kisses Prompt List

Read on Ao3

Prompt:  “Pulling away from a kiss, whispering words of love against each other’s lips.”

Summary: 

Today is the day. Lambert knows he should feel more excited at the thought of his boyfriend returning home, to the safety of Lambert’s embrace, but he can’t help the anxiety building inside him and twisting his stomach in a way he doesn’t care for in the least.

Lambert knows that he should be excited, but the sentiment is tarnished by his crippling anxiety, and he feels like the worst boyfriend in the world.

Warnings: mention of amputation, modern AU

“So, today’s the day, huh?” Eskel smirks as he watches Lambert positively vibrating with excitement where he’s sat on a chair opposite Eskel. The coffee shop is mostly empty, save for another couple in the corner exchanging kisses and giggling carelessly as they rejoice in their puppy love. Lambert chose this place because it’s closest to the airport, but admittedly the place isn’t half-bad and the coffee doesn’t taste like piss.

“Stop that, it’s creepy,” Lambert grouses as he stuffs another forkful of chocolate cake into his mouth. When he notices Eskel’s confused frown, Lambert rolls his eyes and adds pointedly, “you, being all excited on my behalf. That’s unnatural. Stop it.”

“Whatever.” Eskel takes a sip of his tea - because Eskel is the kind of person who likes to drink tea for fun - before levelling Lambert with a look that the latter knows all too well. “You’re allowed to be excited about his return, you know? It’s been a year since he-”

“I know,” Lambert quickly interrupts before Eskel has a chance to finish his sentence, “I am excited.”

“Tell your face, then.”

“Shut up, prick.”

“It’s gonna be fine, Lambert.” Eskel reaches across the table to squeeze Lambert’s clammy hand. “I know you’re worried because of his injury, but you’ll both figure it out together. You don’t love him any less for it, right?”

“Of course not,” Lambert snaps in response as he snatches his hand away, angry at the mere suggestion that his feelings for Aiden would disappear for something as superficial as a physical injury, “of course I don’t love him any less for it. It’s just…”

Eskel doesn’t press him, and Lambert is grateful for that. Truth be told, he’s not entirely sure why he feels so anxious at the thought of seeing Aiden again. It’s been a long year without his boyfriend there to warm his bed and his life. Aiden is the life of Lambert’s entire life, and a year without him felt like the longest time. A whole year went by since Aiden was deployed and has been fighting overseas, taking part in a war that has lost all meaning. He missed birthdays, holidays spent with family around a hearty meal, milestone anniversaries... A year of Lambert staying up late at night, calling Aiden whenever his connection permitted it or writing letters to send his boyfriend when speaking to him proved too difficult. A year of Lambert switching the TV or radio on every morning before heading to work, listening for the announcements and hoping he wouldn’t hear Aiden’s name listed among the soldiers that perished as part of this senseless war.

Just over a week ago, Aiden called Lambert from a military hospital overseas a short two days after he was involved in an explosion that cost the lives of hundreds of civilians and soldiers alike. While Aiden survived the blast, he sustained a considerable injury to his leg. The doctors couldn’t save it, Aiden told Lambert over the phone, the leg had to come off. Lambert remembered crying on the phone that night, not because he mourned the loss of Aiden’s leg - they were tears of relief because Aiden came this close to dying in the blast that killed so many people. Lambert came this close to losing the most important person in his life. Come home, baby, Lambert remembered begging Aiden over the phone, I need you to come home. Today is the day. Lambert knows he should feel more excited at the thought of his boyfriend returning home, to the safety of Lambert’s embrace, but he can’t help the anxiety building inside him and twisting his stomach in a way he doesn’t care for in the least. As a result of the injury he suffered, Aiden had to retire from the military early. While Lambert was happy to have his boyfriend return to him, he knew that Aiden struggled with the thought of retiring at the prime of his career. Not only is he out of a job, but his job prospects are not looking too bright, either. Aiden will have to spend time in physiotherapy, physical rehabilitation courses, counselling… Lambert knows the next months will be tough on his boyfriend.

Lambert knows that he should be excited, but the sentiment is tarnished by his crippling anxiety, and he feels like the worst boyfriend in the world.

“It’s gonna be just fine, Lamb.” Eskel sounds so sure, so confident, that Lambert is almost inclined to believe him. “I promise, brother. You and Aiden will be just fine.”

“I hope you’re right, Kel.”

The drive to the airport is longer than Lambert remembers it being. The car is filled with the sound of heavy rock and heavy metal, the loud emphatic beats and distorted guitar solos washing over Lambert in calming waves. His brothers call him weird for finding this kind of music ‘soothing’, but it works for him, so his brothers can kiss his ass. The sun is beating down on the world below, forcing Lambert to crank up the A/C in the car. He drives along miles of barbed wire, “KEEP OUT” signs and parked aircraft. Lambert checks the time on his dashboard and realises that he’s a whole half an hour early. It isn’t exactly unheard of for soldiers’ families to arrive early and prepare for their loved one’s arrival - either by setting up signs, powdering their noses or getting the children to practice a welcome home song to celebrate their parents’ triumphant return. Lambert usually just waits in the shadows until Aiden comes into view, at which point he pulls his boyfriend close to him so they can get reacquainted away from prying eyes.

Lambert pulls into the airport multistorey parking complex, and thankfully he doesn’t have to spend ages looking for a parking space. As he pulls up into a tight space, Lambert’s heart sinks in his chest. Aiden will probably be travelling in a wheelchair - and he will be using one for a while, at least until he gets his prosthetic leg fitted. There’s no way in hell that Aiden will be able to comfortably step into the car if Lambert stays parked in this spot, but what other choice does he have? He doesn’t have a disabled parking permit yet, but Lambert guesses that’s something they’ll have to think about now. Until then, all he can do is park further away from the door and hope that no one will use the bay next to the passenger side so Aiden has enough space to move comfortably. So that’s precisely what he does. Shit, is Lambert overthinking this? Is he looking for problems where there are none? The last thing he wants is to tiptoe around Aiden’s disability. The last thing he wants is to make Aiden feel like things have changed because he lost his leg.

Shit. Why is he crying now? He should be excited, goddammit.

Lambert angrily wipes the tears and steps out of the car. They’ll be just fine, that’s what Eskel said. Eskel sounded so confident, so sure of himself, but hell, what if he’s wrong? What if Aiden leaves Lambert? What if Aiden pushes Lambert away? It was probably a mistake to read up all those army wives’ blogs and the nightmarish stories about husbands shutting down and falling into depression after sustaining a serious injury. Shit, what if Lambert isn’t good enough? What if Aiden thinks that Lambert is a lousy boyfriend who can’t take well enough care of him?

Deep breaths, Lambert. In, out. In, out. In-

Shit, why are there so many people in this fucking airport? Lambert stands in his usual corner, shying away from the crowds, averting everyone’s eyes as he stares at his phone. He shoots his brothers a text in their group chat - Have I ever told u guys how much I h8 crowds? - hoping that they will understand and distract him from the panic welling up in his chest. As he waits for an answer from either Geralt or Eskel, Lambert switches to his Facebook app and scrolls through his feed. He doesn’t have to wait long until the group chat pings with Geralt’s response.

G: You’ve mentioned it once or twice… or 100

Lambert snorts as he shoots a sassy comeback.

So mentioning it 1 more time won’t hurt. I fucking h8 goddamn crowds.

A quick glance at the arrivals screen tells Lambert that Aiden’s plane landed a few short minutes ago. Not long before they are reunited and able to hug it out in the middle of the airport. At this point, Lambert doesn’t give a shit anymore about what other people think of them. He almost lost Aiden, so he will go on his knees and hug him, wheelchair be damned. Lambert looks around him and sees many families and loved ones itching to welcome the soldiers back. Some of them brought flowers, or the puppy they bought last week as a welcome-home present, and even newborn babies. Lambert wonders if he should have bought Aiden a gift to commemorate the beginning of his retirement. He feels like that would be in bad taste considering Aiden’s feelings on the matter.

The first soldiers start to filter through the door, eyes scanning the room and lighting up when they land on familiar faces. Many people cry tears of joy and relief, others manage to keep a modicum of composure, and some even let out shrill cries of joy as they are finally reunited with the people they love and cherish the most. There is still no sight of Aiden and part of Lambert worries that something happened to him in the week it took the military to organise his repatriation. Feeling the panic well up in him again, Lambert pulls out his phone and opens the group chat window. L: What if he doesn’t come back?

It doesn’t take long for his phone to vibrate with Eskel’s response.

E: As if he’d pass up an opportunity to come back to his pain in the ass boyfriend.

L: Ass.

G: He’ll come back, Lamb. He’ll come back and he’s not leaving again.

Lambert takes a deep breath as he lets these words run through his mind. Aiden is coming back. He’s coming back. He’s-

“Why, hello there,” a familiar voice breaks through the storm raging in Lambert’s head, “come here often?”

Aiden looks so… so like himself. He’s sporting that familiar cocksure grin and his eyes shimmer with all the emotions he can’t bring himself to voice. His voice sounds so self-assured, even though Lambert knows he’s only a breath away from losing it and crying tears of relief. His hair is slightly longer and Lambert can make out the familiar dark curls he loves so much. Aiden looks so much like his old self that Lambert forgets, for a short minute, that he’s missing the lower half of his left leg entirely.

“Aiden. You’re here.”

“No place I’d rather be.”

Lambert doesn’t feel himself fall to his knees until they hit the solid surface of the airport floor, cracking in protest at the impact. He lunges forward and wraps his arms around Aiden’s middle, squeezing tightly and burying his face in his boyfriend’s stomach. He’s unable to bite back the tears this time, and if Aiden notices that the soft material of his t-shirt is soaked right through, he doesn’t draw attention to it. Instead, he cards his fingers through Lambert’s short hair, softly shushing him and whispering heartfelt reassurances in the air pocket between them.

“I’m here, baby,” Aiden tells him over and over, “I’m back. I’m here, sweetheart. I love you.”

“I missed you,” Lambert hears himself say, “I missed you. I was so scared, Aiden, you don’t understand-”

“I’m here, Lamb. I’m here. You don’t have to be scared, anymore.”

They’ve got so much shit to figure out, Lambert knows. They need to think about all the adjustments they need to make to their lives, all the paperwork they’ll have to fill out, therapy sessions they have to book and medical insurance they need to update. All these things that terrified Lambert a few hours earlier, all these plans that made panic well in him and want to run for the hills… all these worries weighing him down disappear the second Lambert feels Aiden’s arms around him, squeezing him, comforting him.

“I’m not scared,” Lambert assures Aiden, pulling back and straightening up so he can place a soft kiss on Aiden’s lips. They still feel the same against his own, they still taste the same, too. Nothing has changed. Aiden is still Aiden. “Not anymore.”

“Anymore?” There’s a teasing edge in Aiden’s voice, a mocking grin tugging at his lips. “Ah, kitten. You don’t have to worry about a thing. I gotcha. Now shut up and kiss me again.”

Lambert happily obliges Aiden’s request. Their lips slot against each other like they didn’t just spend a year apart. Their kiss is tender and soft at first, but Lambert is quick to deepen it by licking Aiden’s bottom lip. Neither of them cares about the potential eyes on him - nobody is likely to pay attention to them, not when they’re all lost in the joy of being reunited with their own family members. Lambert breaks the kiss briefly to whisper a soft ‘I love you’ to Aiden. His cheeks turn red as he speaks those three words which still feel too intimate to be loudly proclaimed in public, even after all these years. Aiden steals another kiss before reciprocating the sentiment, his breath ghosting over Lambert’s lips and sending a peasant shiver coursing through his body.

They have lots of shit to figure out, but Aiden is here and he’s not going anywhere. Aiden is here, and neither of them has to deal with the situation on their own. They’ll be just fine. Everything will be just fine.

#the witcher #lambert #lambert the witcher #the witcher lambert #aiden #aiden the witcher #the witcher aiden #witcher lambert #witcher aiden #lambert x aiden #aiden x lambert #lambert/aiden #aiden/lambert #lambden #laiden #modern AU #havenwrites

[monsterkissed]

if i see that post where ppl r complaining very legitimately about ppl who refuse to just ask u to do a thing or say what they mean and then get pissy when u fail to read their mind and punish you for their refusal to make reasonable requests with that utter bullshit addition ab how actually it’s female socialisation to not say what u mean so it’s actually your responsibility to deal with it bc everyone else likes not being honest and direct and we all have to make communication compromises uwu etc etc, then i am going to be Unkind

“this is how most people are socialised” yes. that’s why it’s shit and that’s why it’s the responsibility of the ppl who benefit from and can navigate the system to make it accessible to others, not the other way around. that is in fact how this kind of social power imbalance works. this is not an even playing field and yes, i am leveraging my literal qualifications in communication and disability to say that putting the onus on the people who struggle with arbitrary and dishonest social systems to be the ones who have to make the compromises and learn the negotiation techniques (with all the necessary ego-cushioning and self-effacing one requires when making requests of the party in the position of power) is ridiculous and cruel. a lot of disabled people are going to struggle just to grasp the hoops they have been tasked with jumping thru and it’s vile to then say it’s their fault if they get upset bc someone chewed them out for not doing a task they were never asked to do and they need to be more understanding ab the situation they were given no tools to deal with.

particularly children! how many of the ppl who mention this issue are or are talking about events that happened when they were children? even neurotypical kids should not have to be the ones to learn about and implement communication and negotiation techniques for getting adults in their lives to stop punishing them for ignoring commands they were never given. kids should not have to negotiate that shit with their own parents and teachers ffs it’s so incredibly disingenuous to pretend that this is just a competing access needs issue between adults who are all at peak mental capacity and skill levels

in my (woman-dominated, fwiw) field i have to tell every single new senior staff member i meet that bc i am autistic i need explicit commands or i will not know what to do. i need them to be thorough and complete bc i will not make leaps of logic to fill in “obvious” gaps. i have to tell them this not bc i want to do a good job (which i do) but because if i don’t they will report or spread gossip about me being lazy, uncooperative, incompetent and ignorant, and i will get in trouble. for failing to grasp their secret orders that were never told to me in the first place. this has happened and continues to happen, so i have to give personal medical info to a huge number of people, all of whom work in mental health and disability, to avoid being punished for doing what i was told to do and failing to realise there were other additional tasks i was never told about.

to this date i have not known any other staff member to have to ask that any requests to them be submitted through implication or indirection because otherwise it would risk them being disciplined by management. i have seen a lot of disabled clients who lack the verbal ability, communication skills, capacity or social study to realise when they were being given secret commands and have had everything from selfishness to malice attributed to them for missing the arbitrary cues and trusting that the people around them will be honest and treat them with dignity and respect.

if you have been socialised to believe that’s their fault and they are the ones who need to constantly (and, in some cases, physically impossibly) express and define their needs to everyone around them, then you have been socialised to be a self-centred piece of work

#long post #every other week this website discovers that structural ableism is actually really good and it's tedious as all fuck