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healingpuppys · 6 months

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How to cope with a trauma anniversary!

for some slight context, today is a very awful day for us, we have many trauma anniversaries, and though they seem to never get better throughout the years we have found a way to cope with some things!

Waking up

waking up the morning of a trauma anniversary can feel jarring, and sometimes at first you don’t realize it’s a trauma day, it’s different for everyone when they may realize! sometimes you can wake up and your body feels heavier, you may feel fuzzy, and gross; although these feelings are awful it’s very important to ground yourself, it’s ok to let yourself feel those feelings but don’t let it overcome you and cause you to spiral. A few grounding tips we have are:

find a comfort item, it can be anything! just something that brings you joy and comfort.

play a song or video that helps you calm down, focus on the beat and try to tap your fingers along with it

wrap yourself in a big blanket, for us personally it gives us a sense of safety when we most need it and it can be you’re safe space

these are just a few and of course there are plenty more you can use!

Flashbacks

Flashbacks are again a horrible and very painful experience. We also have things called ptsd induced hallucinations, where sometimes a flashback can trigger hallucinations and make life in the moment so much worse. if you experience these as well we have a few tips! even if you don’t experience these you can still use the tips!

reality check your self but not in a negative way, say things like “nothing can hurt me in this moment” “i am safe” etc.

distractions!! I know some people say “distractions won’t help you process through things” no, and a lot of people on a day like this don’t want or need to process anything, we are put in the mindset of trauma responses and are simply trying to survive the day, it’s important to have things that can ease our mind in those moments

comfort food, comfort food or drinks can always help and bring you away from a certain memory into another

calming or nice smells, candles or anything that has a nice sent can help distract the mind and sometimes put you in a different mind set

Eating

eating or getting hungry can be a struggle, for some they feel nauseous or sick at times during the day, which is completely normal! It is important to try to eat, and again if you can’t that’s completely ok there’s no need to feel shame in it just remember to hydrate and eat when you feel better! some tips to help one feel hungry or eat

Comfort food again!! comfort food can bring one out of a memory sometimes and into a happier or calmer one! and who doesn’t love comfort food!!

watching people cooking! it can sometimes be helpful for someone to regain hunger by watching others cook and plate some delicious looking food

Sleeping

sleeping can be hard on these days, for us we don’t get much sleep the night of our trauma date, but trust me it’ll make you feel much better.

Water/rain/forrest/wind sounds, they can be very calming and helpful to sleep, for us the forrest is one of our favorite places to be so we can sleep very soundly with noises of the forrest

youtube videos, something calming or funny as background noise can help someone’s mind relax enough to fall asleep

melatonin/prescribed sleeping meds, for some simple distractions won’t be enough so if you’re able we recommend taking something that can help you sleep

breathing/meditation! meditating is known to relax your body and mind also helping you clear tension built up in your body, we highly recommend this strategy!

though some of these things may not be helpful for some we hope to give people ideas and what personally helps us! remember lovely’s you’re valid, you’re strong, and you are all amazing! please remember to stay safe!!

#age regression #pet regressor #petre blog #sfw agere #age regressor #pet regression #petre #animals #autistic stimming #trauma healing #healing #recovery #coping #coping strategies #trauma anniversary

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sykokilljoyy · 1 year

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hi lovely!! I absolutely love your writing, I was wondering if you could please write somethin fluffy about dating ksi? maybe just having a cosy night in with him or something. hope you're well!

a/n: hi darling <3 thank u for the req! i thought this would be better done in a headcanon style? hope that's okay! <3

DATING KSI - headcanons!

you were both childhood best friends - you, jj and simon growing up around the same place, going to the same school. you didn't end up picking up youtube yourself, but there's rarely been a video that you weren't behind the camera, helping somehow.

simon was tired after years of you both secretly (not so secretly) pining for each other, refusing to admit you were both in love.

he waited until after high school, set up a nice posh meal with the 3 of you, then cancelled last minute - basically forcing you on your first date

jj gave simon the biggest hug when you both returned hours later, hand in hand

as much as he would be absolutely obsessed with you, he would be insanely protective

all the fans knew about you, he posted you often, and would actively block or denounce any single bit of hate towards you

jokes about you in basically every reddit video

his hands would never ever leave you, especially somewhere like a youtube party or boxing celebrations

speaking of boxing–

you were SO proud of him and his boxing, literally more than anyone and anything, but holy shit it scared you–

early boxing days, he would come home with bruises and cuts on his face, sheepishly creeping his arms around you from behind whilst you were doing something, nuzzling his head in your neck in hopes you wouldn't notice

you did

"jj!"

"i'm sorry! it's not as bad as it looks"

"shut up and let me clean you up"

says he's sorry, but secretly loves when you're propped on his lap, face knotted in concentration as you tend to the cuts on his face

he loves knowing you care for him, knowing you're there

and he supports your passions 1000%

sometimes he seems more excited about your goals than you are – he just loves how expressive you get when you talk about it all

you both make sure to save one night every week free for each other, to either go out on a date or stay in and spend time with just the two of you

jj's favourite is quiet nights in, which surprised you at first

for a man who spends his entire life in flashy clothes, concerts, fights, audiences of millions, you'd expect him to adore taking you out to expensive restaurants or snazzy nightclubs

but no

he always said he spent half his life in front of an audience, his favourite moments are when its only you there to witness him

his person

most weeks find the two of you curled up, passed out, snoring on the sofa with a tv show playing like white noise in the background, empty takeout boxes on the coffee table, you on his chest and his arms wrapped around you tightly

waking up with back pain and noticing you slept through like 3 entire seasons of the show you wanted to watch

"do you remember what episode we were up to?"

"um the one where the main character was talking to that other character..."

"ok so every episode, thank you jj"

"you're welcome, baby"

coming home from a shoot without him one night, you were tired and your social battery was nonexistent

dropping your stuff at the door, heading towards your shared bedroom

he's at his pc, editing or playing overwatch or something

notices you and how tired you are

"come here, baby"

shifts his chair to give you room and gestures towards you, you walk up and sit on his lap, wrapping your arms around him softly and pressing your face into his neck

he always smelt really nice

kissing you gently on the forehead, he carried on with what he was doing, occasionally stopping to rub your back or play with your hair

you were so tired

"i love you, y/n" you hear before you fall asleep there

"i love you, jj"

waking up the next day, tucked into bed with his strong arms around your waist, chest pressed against your back, legs intertwined under the covers

"good morning, baby"

"morning, jj"

he was just so happy to have you, all the time

a/n: oh em gee headcanons are so fun what to anon, if you wanted a full imagine version, lmk!! i just liked the idea of trying a headcanon style for the first time with this request! thank you darling <3

harry smut out this week!

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oldmanmarlinsnatcher · 5 months

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Growing Pains

"Haha, yeah, yeah, little girl, I see it. I’m not desensitized to that smell yet.

It is truly adorable sometimes. She learned the hard way months ago that asking for a diaper change would keep her in her used diaper longer. She learned, especially quickly, not to ask for a diaper change before bed. Her cute solution? Every day she presents her dirty bottom to me in the hopes that it will get the ball rolling on her diaper change routine.

Even though I keep reminding her that this is just her life now, she still hasn’t gotten used to the feeling that accompanies being in a poopy diaper, unfortunately. It’s odd too, considering how much she obviously doesn't like having her diapers changed, given the constant whining and crying that accompanies each change. I guess she figures she’s trading one evil for a lesser one. But then again, that was always the case...

"Ugh, my boss is such an idiot. If I got fired from this job tomorrow, I wouldn’t even bat an eye."

“If you get fired, then you can just be my baby full-time".

“Fine by me. I’d rather that than the alternative”.

For the past four months, she’s been eating those words. We’d been using diapers to spice up our sex life a little. She’d only worn them and barely even wet them back then. I still remember the day she proclaimed to me that she got let go—and how stunned she was to see that I kept up my end of the deal. Her entire panty drawer was emptied and thrown away, only to be replaced with diapers. Her entire life was uprooted in an instant.

Imagine how stunned she’d be if she knew I had been recording the whole diatribe she went on about “that creep in upper management”. I guess it's a good thing her boss was such a proud prick that he wouldn't even divulge why he was firing her.

“You’re going to be my diaper girl from now on, whether you like it or not”.

Instead of wearing those sexy, form-fitting power suits and dresses that showed off her panty line, now she wears onesies and shortalls that show off her thick diaper bulge.

Instead of watching YouTube videos all day while holding on to the idea that she's the hardest worker at the company, she watches Bluey and Peppa Pig all day, holding on to the idea that she’s a big girl, still.

Instead of making PTO requests that would ultimately get denied, she makes passive diaper change requests that, too, ultimately get denied.

Speaking of which...

*Checks watch and see’s it’s only 1:00 PM*

I can’t help but let out a sinister smile as these words escape my lips.

“Well, you picked a really bad time to make such a big mess in your pampers little girl. Go play with your toys poopy pants. Daddy’s busy right now, and I’m not going to be able to change you until after dinner."

I continue to smile as I watch her shoulders drop in defeat as she saunters away towards her blanket in front of the TV that plays cartoons on constant loop for her now. My heart skips a beat as her bottom plants down on the ground, and a little whine escapes her pacified mouth.

Only four more hours until we have a "romantic dinner date" in her highchair, where I will undoubtedly make her face just as messy as her bottom and kitty. By then, she will be seriously struggling to behave and might end up just losing her diaper change for the day.

Since I'm not busy in the slightest and have all the time in the world to brainstorm this "date", what will I make her tonight? Something that will easily stick to her cheeks and lips. Something that will cake onto her pretty mouth with repeated misfires of my guiding fork. Something that will make her nerves fire back and forth between the icky feeling on her bottom and kitty and the icky feeling forming on her lips. I'm thinking spaghetti will get the job done very nicely.

I can’t help but think of how she probably longs for the previous alternative now. Sitting at a desk all day, dealing with an idiot boss, having a 30-minute lunch break, and a commute.

Now she sits on a stuffed animal in her poopy pampers, dealing with a daddy that refuses to let a bet go, spending anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours in a highchair with food caked all over her face depending on her behavior.

Yeah, I’m sure she regrets it.

#abdlfiction #abdlcaptions #forcedabdl

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evilneo · 3 months

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HOUSE OF GOLD (Frenrey Style)

Benrey Benery moves in with his best friend and secret crush Gordon freeman after his gf died in afganistan going to war and then one night gordon gets drunk and then....find out!!!

-part 1,-

Benrey looked at the arpartment where his best friend and crush of 3 years waited. He saw him in the window and he waved at him and his heart started beating to fast. he opened the door

"Hey silly get in!" He said and hen gulped and pulled his luggage into the house. Gordon hugged him

"I've been so lonely since my wife went missing in afganistan."

"That's so brace of her. She loved you.'

Gordon stared at him for a minute.

"Yeah... Let's get you settled in!" And then he helped him to his room.

"It's a one bedroom place so you'll have to share a room with me." He smiled at him.

"It'll be like a sleepover!"

"Totally!" Then there was a knock at the door and Benrey followed drew to the door where they found a girl with long brown hair and big purple eyes waving.

"Hi?" Said gordon.

"Hi" she said flipping her hair back revealing her badass studded belt around her black jeans and black top that had sleeves to her middle arm and skull earrings and black makeup.

"I'm your neighbor Jackie!" She said happily. They both shook her hands.

"If you need anything come on over!" She said and then left.

"She was nice." Said Benrey.

"And pretty cute." Said gordon

And Benrey felt a pain in his heart. Was gordon totally straight? He always wondered if he was bi because of how he flirted with him sometimes on skype. He didn't know if he would tell him he is gay and is in love with him. Then gordon gave him a sweet smile and he felt warm again.

-Heavy-

Gordon made a drink for him and Benrey and sat at the couch and drank beer. They turned on a movie and watched some funny tv shows and drank all nights untill it was 7 am the next morning.

Gordon pointed at the rising sun

"Hey Ben look" he laughed drunk. Ben stumbled over but tripped and fell right into gordons arms!! Suddenly they were starting in each other's eyes. There faces started itching closer and closer when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Gordon blushed and let go of the embrace and went to the door.

"Hello?" He asked as he opened the door. Then there were two guys in black ski masks and they grabbed gordon and threw him down the apartment stairs and ran off. They kidnapped him!!!!

Benrey tried to run after their white van but couldn't run as fast as a car. He called the cops and cried in the apartment. Then suddenly he got a message on youtube that said

"If you want to see him alive again make a video about 10 reasons why the Irate Gamer ripped off Angry Video Game Nerd and ur wrong" he gasped....

-on the 3rd cold night-

There was a knock at the door. Benrey went over to it and gasped.

Forzen!!!

Meanwhile somewhere in coastal rica. Gordon had a bag on his head and he was punched hard.

"Let me go!!! I never got to tell Benrey I love him!!!"

"Well in that case...."

Then he was shoved into a van and they started driving....

Benrey made tea for Forzen and him and forzen looked at him sweetly.

"I'm so sorry. The remaining 10 us military will help you find him."

"I almost kissed him before he.........."

"It's ok" he touched his hand. They looked sweet at each other.

"I'm always here for you......"

Forzen leaned in and kissed Benrey lightly on the lips and in a moment of desire and desperate he pulled Forzen close and kissed him harder. They started making out and Forzen got on Benrey and started rubbing on him. They made out and wiggled around the couch untill Benrey broke away.

"I can't........gordon........."

"Oh.........but he was a loser?"

"Go Forzen go away"

And he grunted and left mad. Benrey went to his room to cry.

-coming home-

The door slowly opened and gordon limped into the apartment and fell on the floor.

"Benrey!" He said horsely.

Benrey stopped crying and ran out and gasped.

"Gordon!!!" And he ran to pick him up and help him stand. Gordon grabbed him and hugged him tight and sudden.....his lips started touching his and they kissed. There tongues meshed and their lips intwined and they made out right there. When they stopped they smiled at each other.

"Be my boyfriend?" Said Benrey.

"Yes." And they smiled and kissed again.

"But I have to tell you gordon....before you came back forzen was here and...and...and we made out."

"Frozan?!" He roared.

"I'm sorry....." Gordon started crying and ran down the stairs. Then Jackie looked gordons way that he was running and than came in. Benrey was crying and told her what was going on.

"You should do something romantic to show your story and that he is your one and only!"

"Your right!" He wiped the tears off and jackie grabbed a camera and started recording.

Benrey looked soully to the camera with love in his eyes.

"Hi skeletons today I finally told gordon I love him like I said I would. But before that someone else came over and I kissed them. I love you gordon and it will never happen again. You are my light and joy and I would be proud to be....be your husband." He said softly. Then jackie whipped a tear from her face and sniffled and turned off the camera.

"That was amazing I'm sure he will say yes. It's true love!" She said.

-the story so far-

Warning: suicide and sex scene

Meanwhile in chigaco gordon was at a sushi restaurant when someone sat beside him.

"gordon freeman?" He said. He looked up.

"Forzen?!" He almost flinched.

"Yeah I heard you and Benrey had a rough thing happen.

Then he posted this..." And he pulled out his phone and went to a video and opened it to let him watch. Benrey was looking at the camera intense and started talking.

"Today I finally told gordon it will never happen again. Never kiss him again. I am with someone else." And then there was a sniffled sound and someone was behind the camera?!

Benrey started to cry silently but tried to look together.

"Let me buy you a drink." And Forzen ordered sake (an asian drink).

They started drinking and talking and laughing and having a good time.

"Maybe I was wrong about you Forzen." Said Gordon. Forzen put his arm around him confrotingly.

"Of course baby!"

They both drunkenly left the bar and stumbled to the hotel room forzen was staying in. Forzen started kissing him and pushing him to the bed and they made out there. Then they started doing it. But gordon didn't know about the camera!!! It was being live streamed!!!

"I love you Forzen!!!!" Cried gordon on the stream. Benrey and Jackie watched shocked and dumb founded as they watched. Jackie looked at Benrey then black at the video.

"H-how could he?!" Benrey stromed around the house. Jackie tried to call him down. But benrey opened the window....AND JUMPED Jackie screamed and called 011.

-believer-

Gordon woke up with a hangover and threw up. Then he heard his phone ring and he picked it up. It was jackie yelling I to the phone and calling him shit for what he did to Benrey.

"What?" Said gordon. "he said he found someone else?"

"What?! No he didn't. I'm sending you the cideo he made for you." Then she hung up and he got the notification for it. He opened it and his lover spoke words of love right from the heart. He spun around and glared at Forzen. "You liar!!!" He screamed. Then he threw his phone at Forzen and ran out.

Meanwhile in the suicide hospital.... Benrey was sitting in a chair watching a TV show when a nurse said "you have a guest". He expected Jackie again with some McDonald's or something but instead....gordon. He flinched.

"What do you want traitor" he hissed at him. "Forzen lied to me. He made me think you moved on and I slept with him..."

"Are we even? Can we be together?"

"If you can forgive me."

"I do. Forgive me?"

"Yes."

Then they embraced and kissed. Benrey pulled away and knelt down and pulled a box out.

"I was going to do this somewhere better but...will you marry me?"

Gordon cried happy tears and nodded and they made out again.

"Let's get you outta here!" Said gordon and they left holding hands.

-chain reaction-

Benrey got out of bed where his fiance was sleeping and he went I to the bathroom. Then he spotted something in the sink that he guessed drew forgot. He picked it out of the sink and looked. It had two lines and was...a pregnancy test.

He busted out of the bathroom

"G-gordon?" He said and gordon sleepily got up and then gawked at what was in his hand

"Il-i..."

"What is this?! Are you....."

He looked down ashamed.

"I am going to the doctor tomorrow to check...please...go with me...they can do a test..."

He gulped.

"Ok. In the morning."

They waited in the office of the Dr office untill they called Gordons name. They went in and the Dr came into the checkup room they were in.

"Are you his husband?" Asked the doctor. Benrey nodded.

"Well we have to test his pee so if you'd step outside..." And he did and went back in after the doctor came out with a cup of pee to test it. He sat next to gordon and helped his hand.

The doctor came back in an stared at his chart.

"Well Mr freeman...you are pregnant. And Mr Benrey isn't the father..."

They both dropped there jaws......

To be continue

-White Wedding part 1-

It was a hot July day and the concert hall was decked in white everywhere. Gordon and Benrey invited there fans for free to see there wedding but so many wanted to come that they had to get a concert hall. There was a preacher and a pretty white arch and music playing and food outside. In the room with drew he was putting on his white suit and brushing his hair. He got a knock at the door and someone popped in.

It was Cummer and darnold Peppre!

"H3!!" He said and they went over to hug him.

"I'm so excited for you!" Said Darnald.

"Thanks. Coomer...will you walk me down the isle? My dad doesn't accept I'm gay and won't do it." He started to cry a little. Coomer hugged him

"Of course buddy" and he out out his arm and he looked it and they walked slowly out. They stood at the start of the red carpet that went to the arch and gordon laughed nervous and coomer Pat his arm and they started walking as the wedding song started playing. The fans went crazy and clapped and they stopped at the preacher and stood by him and waited.

They looked at the entrance and waited for Benrey...first. jackie came out to be bridesmaid and Tommy coolatta did to. They looked so pretty. Then.....Bubby came out with Benrey on his arm. They both smiled and Benrey blushed wearing his baby blue tux. Gordon started crying because he loved him so much.

The music kept playing and Tommy coolatta dogs sunkist were in front of them with little rose petals baskets in there mouths and petals flew everywhere as they ran up the isle.

Benrey stood across him and they looked at each other with Misty eyes.

The prest smiled at them both and started talking.

"Gordon Freeman do you take Benrey Benery to be your husband to hold and love forever as long as you both live?" Gordon nodded

"Yes I do"

"And Benrey Benery do you take gordon freeman to be your husband to love and cherish for as long as you live?"

"I do!" Said Benrey.

The fans all looked so happy and crying and Jackie and tommy and Coomer and darnold and bubby all cried happily too.

"If anyone thinks these two should not be married speak now!"

And the room got quiet and nobody breathed. Then someone stood up from the crowd and jumped on stage. It was Forzen!!!!!

"Forzen?!" Benrey said.

"Yes! I don't think they should get married! He's carrying my baby!!" He shouted and the whole room gasped. Gordon started crying and wished he was somewhere else. Forzen fans started screaming for Forzen and gordon to get married. Then Coomer started going in to Forzen to push him away from the stage.

Then suddenly fights started breaking out with all the fans and gordon and Benrey ran away and the others escorted them. They all got to the limo and drove off fast.

To be continued

-white wedding 2-

"benrey! Gordon! Come out here!"

Coomer and darnold and Tommy and Jackie and Bubby were outside the cabin they were staying in til everything blew over. Benrey looked out the window and gasped. Outside was a big tellise with roses and lots of food on a table and music started playing. There was balloons and everyone was wearing dressed up. No way! They went outside.

"What is this?!" They both asked blushing.

"We felt bad about what happened so we made you a nice private wedding with just us." Said Jackie with a big smiled. They all hugged and Coomer said "I can marry you I do jewish weddings but it can still count for you." He said.

Then Benrey put out his hand and gordon took it.

"Shall we?"

He nodded and took his hand. He led him to the roses and Coomer stood in btween them.

"Now, gordon freeman do you take Benrey Benery to be your husband? Will you love and cherish him in sickness and health?"

"I do" he said softly.

"And Benrey Benery do you take gordon freeman to be your lovely husband through poor and riches? For as long as you both live?"

"Yes I do" said drew back.

Coomer smiled.

"First....gordon...."

"Yes babe?"

"I want you to know....I want to adopt the baby."

Gordon had happy tears in his eyes and Coomer said "I now pronouns you man and husband"

And they fell Into a kiss.

The end

youtube

#/COPYPASTA #THIS IS A BIT THIS IS A BIT THIS IS A BIT INSPIRED BY ME BEING SLEEP DEPRIVED AND WATCHING DREW GOODEN ANS DANNY GONZALEZ. PLEASE #hlvrai #frenrey #frenry #suicide tw #sex m #<- JIC BC LIKE. ITS SO NOT SERIOUS TO ME BUT ITS STILL IN THE COPYPASTA. YEAH. ok.#danny gonzalez #drew gooden

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not-poignant · 5 months

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I hope you have a lovely day with lots of snacks

Tl;dr the day was not lovely but there might be snacks

I actually didn't have many snacks today but I'm about to make up with it with a couple of churros and dark chocolate dipped strawberries.

Today I...woke up and showered and replied to comments on AO3 for a while, and then I spent about 4 hours formatting documents into PDFs of varying sizes for Patreon and Ream and uploading chapter commentaries into compilations. And then I did more formatting stuff behind the scenes while I stared at all the other behind the scenes stuff I need to do and thought 'writing is a hard job' quietly and intensely.

I ate lunch while I was working. I also made some memes about how overwhelmed I felt, and then made some for my readers too, lol.

And then I laid down for about 4 hours because I also have chronic illness (whee) and I am constantly in pain and varying degrees of fatigue and I literally must lie down every afternoon so I don't collapse in the evening (literally) - and I did a tiny bit of reading (webtoon: Shutline (which I immediately realised I'd read before and didn't fondly remember), webtoon: December (didn't mind this)) and then dozed restlessly because it was 40C/104F today. I also edited a Tiktok art video in Adobe Premier Rush, but I haven't put it up yet, and I should really do that.

Got up and made ham and cucumber sandwiches for dinner, and watched Girl with the Dogs on YouTube while I ate, and a Smosh video.

Then did some more work and helped a friend with her work stuff, and then I watered the garden for 1.5 hours because *points tiredly to the heatwave* and stared balefully at the dark sky (you can't water during the day - it's literally a heatwave but also it's illegal here to water during the day) with its few stars because they'd set up a severe weather warning due to extreme winds in our specific area and it was dead AF and oppressive out there and it was just hot instead.

I watched a few Tiktoks while I watered.

When I hung the hose up back on the holder thingo, I sang to my plants: 'I hope you make the best out of the water I just gave you, you little fucks' like a sweet lullaby, and a person who I didn't know was outside next door because it was like 9pm and pitch black laughed softly and sweetly, like they didn't expect it, and felt kind of fond. I didn't know I had any nice neighbours on that side of the house, so I mostly just thought 'WHOOPS SHIT' and then felt too embarrassed to say anything.

And then I came back inside and replied to some asks (hi!) and am hopefully going to eat churro's soon and it's 10pm and so I'm probably going to do some more work and then I'm going to go to bed while I feel stressed about the work I haven't done (currently Palmarosa is the heart beating beneath my floorboards). I will probably keep reading December. It's okayish.

I don't know if I'd call today lovely, because I'm burnt out and I want to put up the Christmas decorations but it's 10pm and idk if I should start that because it tends to make me severely ill to do it for a few days.

I'm a little sad, a lot lonely, a little melancholic, a little grumpy, and a little very excited about churros and chocolate dipped strawberries. I resent days that are 'work and sleep' sometimes, especially during November. That's my fault. That's on me. I'm a mean and shitty boss to myself.

Gotta do something about this burnout at some point, because December is the worst month for my PTSD, but I also need to keep getting paid, because medical bills and food and stuff. So like...finding the balance there is a constant work in progress.

There were some lovely moments today:

That little laugh from the neighbour in the dark

The first yellow peach of the season

Doing tricks with my cat (who is trained) for treats

Making silly little memes

Helping a friend with work stuff

Replying to some amazing comments

Watching cute dogs

Feeling pretty accomplished at putting up those compilations on Patreon/Ream even if I'm not done yet.

I hope you're having a lovely day too, anon, with many snacks.

#asks and answers #personal #i have not had a lovely day in a while #a member of my family died suddenly this week #suddenly and unexpectedly #and within 12 hours #two other members of my family directly impacted by this death #had to evacuate due to the fires #and idk if they can go home yet #i don't think they can but the fire has at least been downgraded #i am burnt out and sad #yesterday between working on writing stuff #i photoshopped photos of my uncle for my mum #for the funeral home #to make them nicer alkfjsa so that she doesn't have to pay someone to do this #i might delete this later y'all this might be a little too real #but sometimes it doesn't hurt maybe for people to know i'm human #hell sometimes it doesn't hurt for *me* to remember i'm human dslkfjasd

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kiefbowl · 11 months

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In response to your post about recently peaking: I think I'm still very much in the progress of getting into radical feminism, but one of the things that made me start to search it out was the huge discrepancy I noticed online with regard to how for example J.K. Rowling is treated by TRAs compared to any man ever who also has a "bad" opinion. That made me want to look up what so-called TERFs actually have to say, and I had to admit to myself that a lot of it made sense. A lot of things I felt uncomfortable about regarding gender politics and sexwork for example started falling into place as I read through more radfem blogs on tumblr. I want to use my free time this summer to read some proper feminist literature (very open for recommendations!)

I must say I feel hesitant sometimes to go further and actually peak though, because ever since I went on this journey a few months ago I've started to notice the misogyny in many places where I could ignore it before, and it scares me sometimes. I'm worried that if I become to aware the anger I feel about how women are treated will keep growing and I won't know what to do with it.

Sorry for rambling in your askbox! It felt kinda nice to write it all out once, I don't feel comfortable yet discussing all these thoughts with the people in my life unfortunately

Anger can be a very productive emotion if you're willing. I've been watching a youtuber who does recaps of SisterWives, and she said something in one of her videos recently that I agree with but never heard it articulated this way. I'm paraphrasing but: Emotions are like our five senses, they're there to give us information. Then, you have to process that information and decide how to act on it.

The example she gave is if you see someone far away that looks like your friend, but you're not sure - your eyes gave you information, but you have to go look closer to investigate to see if it's really them. If you feel angry, you have to investigate and take some time exploring why, and to what extent, and what you're willing to do about it.

Maybe you've never had anyone say this to you plainly but: I don't see my ideologies as an identity. I don't see my social identities as extensions of my virtue. I'm not afraid to get angry because if I'm angry it's probably something worth getting angry about. As with sadness, or happiness.

Misogyny is scary, but life has many facets, and truth is a worthwhile pursuit. I can't imagine my life another way because I can only be living this life as me, and like every life, it's full of complexities. I'm subjugated, I'm privileged, I'm a good person who has made bad choices, I'm a smart person who can be obtuse, I've been poor but never the poorest, I come from grandfathers who fought in wars and grandmothers who raised children in a bad religion yet they are all so deeply in my heart, and I've had to weigh my values against self serving decisions time and time again to get some of the comforts I have now. I have to live in the world now, and I'd rather live with open eyes despite any pain, because otherwise I miss out on joy. This is my only chance of joy, so I'm taking it. I will never turn my back on knowledge lest I leave joy on the table. Maybe one day, you'll see what I mean. Good luck sis! Thanks for sharing :)

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tummyhurtslol · 1 year

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youtube

wow i love sugar free gummies🤭 this is i think my 3rd or 4th time doing these, and each time i have so much fun and my belly goes crazy hehe

this time i did it with a completely empty stomach to see how it would react, and it did not disappoint 😅

now since this video was so long i just made it an unlisted youtube video, so just click the link to watch the video!!!

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i started to eat the gummies around 5pm my time, but took me about 2 hours because the texture of them was sooooo gross lmao😭 however i pushed through in the pursuit of an upset belly and i got my wish. only about an hour after finishing eating them, my belly had already started to digest the ones i ate earlier since there was nothing else to digest.

before the first bathroom trip my stomach wasn’t too big on gurgles, but it was soooo bloated. like it was genuinely some of the biggest bloating i’ve had in a long time. it just felt super liquidy in my lower belly and i knew releasing some could clear my belly and get it really going, so i did.

after this first br trip through, my belly really let me have it😅 all the liquid and gas started to really pour into my intestines and i felt it building fast. it was sending a lot of huge rushes of liquid that i could feel through my entire belly, it was so nice🤭 but it soon rushed lower and i had to go, i tried to hold it but these gummies were fierce. and everytime i went it was just straight liquid, nothing else 😅

no matter how many times i seemed to give my belly relief though, it always built back up really fast. it was all rushing through my intestines and bloating me up sooo much. i could feel everything too, and cramps were starting to get pretty bad. there was so much gas buildup that it was causing some bad cramps, but still enjoyable 🤭

after 3 br trips it seemed like it was calm enough to let me sleep but the gas was still swirling around in there. i felt it all moving and gurgling away as i drifted to sleep, it was sooo nice🤭

when i woke up the next morning though, it was a wake up call from my belly. i woke up with some huge cramps and a huge urge to to, but the noises coming from my belly were too good so i had to hold it for a bit 🤭 my belly felt even more bloated than the night before, and i tried holding for a while but it was seriously pushing me😅

at the end there is some recordings i got in the morning when i woke up of my belly just being soooo loud. i had to record without a microphone because u wanted to show how loud it was being, it felt like you could hear it across the room😅 i could feel every one of these as well and they felt sooo good 😁

i went i think twice more after my initial wake up call in the morning, and finally my belly felt good enough to stop the diarrhea lol. but my belly was nowhere near settled. i went to work that night and my belly was in so much pain from all the gas and it was still gurgling away like mad, it was hard to conceal 😅 and even the next day my belly was still a bit upset, these gummies really were a 3 day affair lmaoo

but i really hope you guys enjoyed this as much as i did, because i’m hoping to do them again sometime soon since i still have another half of the bag 🤭 but yeah my belly got super messy but it was definitely worth it hehe

#belly gurgles #belly noises #belly pain #bloated stomach #diarrhea #gurgling belly #stomach gurgles #stomach rumbling #stomach sounds #stomachache #tummy ache #Youtube

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gemsofgreece · 1 year

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This may be a question someone has already asked, but what are your thoughts on the landscapes in Assassin's Creed Odyssey, if you have played it?

I have answered a similar question but not this one! I have actually not played the game but because of the previous ask and the aesthetics and the frequent greece representation discussions here, I am somewhat acquainted with it.

AC Odyssey is actually quite accurate, with some pros and cons. One thing we can all agree upon is that the developers worked their asses off to create a beautiful world, genuinely inspired by or representing Greece. While watching it, I can also tell they wanted to show some little known facts about Greek geomorphology. In order to achieve this, they overdid a bit in some aspects and they deviated from other, more known characteristics, which they perhaps incorrectly ditched as stereotypes . In short, some elements are accurate, some are idealised and some are overlooked or undersold:

+ By watching relevant videos on YouTube, navigating your character does feel like exploring the Greek landscape. Many of the locations , although digital and fantastical, feel very oddly familiar.

+ The developers emphasized most on a little known fact about the country; it is very rugged, mountainous and rocky. This thing where your character goes up, down, up, down, up, down, up and again down and then up an irregular hill, well that's the genuine painful but also very rewarding experience of walking in the Greek countryside.

+ They nailed it with the vegetation, if they took inspiration from South Greece. This combo of sparse forest with low vegetation, sometimes interrupted by rocky terrain was beautifully done.

+ Some criticise it a bit for adding architectural elements of different ancient eras but I actually like this. It is a game, it blends elements beautifully and they are still Greek, so what's the problem... Although it surely could do with less wood and more stone in its place.

+ The light is beautiful in this game. They knowingly played with it as Greece promotes this as one of its attractions: the whole Greek sun, Land of Light etc. But, yeah, the way light is used in this game often reminds me of beautiful sunlit or sunset views in the country.

+/- It is beautiful but of course idealised how in AC Odyssey apparently all seasons co-exist in Greece. It's an eternal spring with spots of vibrant autumn and there's always winter in the mountains. Summer ironically got the short end, you can perhaps see it in the occasional brownish low vegetation at best. It is however a nice change from everyone thinking Greece is a tropical country. It's a temperate country, it's just that it doesn't experience the seasons all at once lol And of course if someone wants to visit the Greek countryside in its most AC-like time, they have to come to Greece in spring, ideally April and May, and not in July and August like most tourists. Someone might say "thanks Captain Obvious" to this but I have received plenty comments under photos wondering why the grassland wasn't flowery like in the image when they went in August so I feel like I have to say this.

(-) It is wonderful when you're navigating your character but I watched a video with the game's map in the eagle's eye view and I realised that the AC Odyssey Greece is a tad repetitive and less diverse. Essentially it's a bunch of islands that are VERY rugged with a snowcapped mountain and a few bays. While, again, this is part of what Greece looks like, the country is actually way more diverse.

(-) Namely, the rugged emphasis was overdone after a while. If Greece is over 80% rugged and mountainous, which is the official estimation, AC Greece is like 101%. Greece has flatter islands, wider valleys and smoother hills as well. Again, what AC shows is very accurate but overexaggerated. I already talked about how good the vegetation is. However, it resembles the south mainland. Some islands have less vegetation. Northern and central mainland as well as many islands have actually quite denser vegetation than the one depicted in the game. Again, the game is accurate but way less diverse.

(-) The map is not accurate. There’s just Athens, right? And then islands after islands, which all have mainland characteristics. But they clearly weren’t going for accuracy there.

(-) The biggest foul IMO was surprisingly the beaches. AC Odyssey did the Greek beaches no justice at all. The most accurate thing about them is that AC coastline is very indented with bays and coves. That's accurate. However, I was disappointed by the repetition again as well as the sea colour which I found nice but much plainer than that of the actual Greek waters. It was always a little turqoise in the first couple meters and then a regular blue. Greek waters can be turqoise for much longer distances or have a striking azul or sapphire or darker blue colour, all of which were greatly missed in the game. I missed the famous - if stereotype-y - blue and white aesthetic of the country. Of course the houses are modern so they couldn't be in the game but the blue&white also feature in the sea / waves and sky / clouds so...

Ignore the town but this type of blue is greatly missed in a game about Greece IMO.

Also some beaches looked way too tropical. Greece has a few subtropical beaches but the AC ones didn't look very accurate. Sometimes I thought it was a small bay in a Caribbean island. This is quite odd coming from the guys who worked so hard on other less known facts about the country's geomorphology.

(-) Elysium might be stunning but it is not Greek looking. Unfortunately, the Niagara falls are in Canada. The rock formations however, as well as several others in the game, seem to be inspired by Meteora.

So below I did some comparisons between AC Odyssey and real Greece. Keep in mind that these are just similar-looking images I managed to find on google. I do not know where the developers actually based their inspiration.

South Pindus

Ancient Olympia

Meteora

Mt Pelion

Cape Sounion

Dimitsana

Lake Plastira

Kerkyra (Corfu) island

Vikos gorge

Kalavryta

I found many other familiar looking locations but they were too generic i.e a small stream, a hill, a farm, and I got a little lost with all this searching because there are many places that could look like that. Lol I just realised I didn't use even one AC beach - AC beaches get rekt

Anyway, in short, I believe AC Odyssey does a very solid and hard work in its Greece portrayal - all my complaints are basically nitpicking that doesn't bother me (save for the beaches). Of course there is also the gamification and colour filters that create all these otherwordly vibes but those are to be expected from a game of course.

#greece #assassin's creed #ac odyssey #assassin's creed odyssey #video games #landscape #greece representation #mainland #greek islands #ask #long post #tw long #tw long post #mrcloudyfun

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normanbased · 1 year

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YOU 🫵

(Writing prompt) How do you think Norman Bates would be different if Psycho (1) was set in modern times?

HEY !! sorry I took so long I was quite literally baking a pie 😭🙏 I got carried away talking about headcanons so don’t mind me <3 if you see any typos no you don’t <333

Personality Stuff

I really don’t think all that much about his personality would change. He’s still a shy, reserved, polite guy who yearns for interaction and has a witty sense of humour.

He’s open to conversation but terrified of intimacy, and of course Mother is still breathing down his neck at all times. He’s less afraid of his sexuality, and is pretty content in the idea that he may be attracted to men. It’s a bit easier to come to terms with that when the world isn’t as hateful. After all, it’s California.

He masks pretty poorly if we’re being real, and the overwhelming nature of the modern era probably doesn’t help that. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were more prone to shutting down or struggling with social interactions. Not the most helpful state to be existing in when you have a motel to run.

Plot/Lore Stuff

Most of his life experiences remain the same, aside from some slightly modernised circumstances. For example, there’s no way he could avoid going into the foster care system, but considering I headcanon Sheriff Chambers and his wife being Norman’s foster parents, I’ll just stick with that. Obviously when he turns eighteen he buys the motel and the house back from the county with his inheritance, (which leaves him broke) and after moving back in, Mother begins to manifest in his mind.

He has VHS recordings of news broadcasts about his parents’ deaths that he re-watches over and over sometimes. I think in a strange way he likes being reminded of it, and the pain that comes with it.

He has a phone and an old CRT computer, so he’s certainly seen programs and articles and blog posts about the case — I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s even seen True Crime YouTubers talking about it and trying to psychoanalyse him. bet he even knows about the conspiracy theorists that claim he murdered his parents and that it wasn’t a double suicide after all. He gets morbidly giddy over the fact that he knows they’re right.

When he moves out from the Chambers household, Norman goes right to managing the motel, which goes pretty well considering the old highway has sorta become a tourist destination in and of itself. People wanna relive 1950’s America so the diner, the motel, and a bunch of other spots along the highway actually get a ton of support from visitors as well as the local council to keep tourism high.

Regardless, Norman is still alone and isolated from others most of the time. But he has his computer. The wifi is awful out in the sticks, but the internet kind of becomes a home within a home for Norman. A total escape.

He likes looking up people online - finding their names, their social media, where they work, where they live, and so on. He makes little files on people he really likes. Sometimes he pretends he knows these people in real life and talks about them out loud as if they’re his friends. He’ll even introduce them to Mother to see if she likes them or not, which she almost never does. Hell, maybe he knew Marion Crane long before she ever showed up to the Bates Motel.

Norman is still very sheltered even with access to the internet. I don’t think he’s particularly tech savvy, but he sure does enjoy exploring the depths of the wider net. He’s kind of naive, the sort of person to look up the pyramids on Google Images and just scroll in awe.

He spends most of his time watching taxidermy time-lapses or hunting videos. Sometimes he films his own taxidermy tutorials and occasionally uploads them online. There’s no audio or anything, instead he puts little captions explaining what he’s doing with smiley faces and stuff :o) He gets not a lot of views, but all the comments are usually nice fellers from across the country complimenting his technique and asking where he bought his chemicals.

Unfortunately, he’s also into some really dodgy forums and sites. He has an unhealthy, obsessive curiosity for shock content and gore. It doesn’t arouse him or anything - at least, he doesn’t seem to think it does. He just gets overcome sometimes by a deeply rooted fascination for it.

He likes posting to shock sites, too. He mostly uploads clips and pictures of him poisoning birds or wringing their necks before he stuffs them. He has to kill them anyway, that’s how he rationalises it, so he might as well make posts. He loves reading the responses - whether the comments are negative or not, he revels in it. He doesn’t care if there are trolls or fetishists clogging up the replies, he just wants any attention he can get.

Somewhere deep in his hard drive he has a video of him doing taxidermy on his mother’s corpse. Every now and then he debates posting it to a shock site and getting a metric ton of attention and views, but he never does.

He doesn’t watch pornography, mainly because Mother would have a thing or two to say about it. There’s been one or two times he’s emerged from a fugue state to find hammers next to his CRT, so he doesn’t want to push his luck and lose his only source of true freedom.

Silly Stuff

He’s big on 70’s-80’s fashion. He likes sweater vests and saddle shoes and oversized button-ups. He even has aviators like a proper serial killer, but he wouldn’t find it very funny if you made that joke.

His music tastes can go anywhere from country to classic to punk rock. He likes listening to weird experimental rock music when his mood is low, and pop/classic country when he’s happy :]]

He doesn’t watch a lot of TV, but he used to enjoy watching late-night reruns of old cartoons. When his cable eventually got cut off he didn’t bother renewing it, you can just pirate stuff online anyways.

He doesn’t get memes. Sorry. That stuff is beyond him.

#ask #Norman Bates #psycho 1960 #headcanons

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nolanrossblog · 1 year

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Game Hammers 2

This is the second week of game hammers. WOW! Two weeks already, we've come so - so so so - so far. Nolam This week my parents were off for vacation, so I was in charge of taking care of my 3 siblings. On top of that, it was back to school, so it was an intensely busy week. I'm going to categorize my progress this week so that I can better parse my thoughts. And I'm also going to write as the week goes on starting from Tuesday, April Eighteenth, 2023. ~MUSIC~ Since Christmas I've picked up the violin, and I do my best to average around two and a half hours of practice every week. I've also been taking violin lessons! I started with electric, but the electric violin my mom bought me isn't suitable for practicing, so I switched to an acoustic one for now. To be honest, I don't have much to show for it, but learning instruments is difficult and it takes time and dedication. It's really a battle to find motivation sometimes, but I think it's a good continuous goal. ~SCHOOL~ School is nearing its end and it's a slurry of conflicting emotion. On one hand, I'm completely mentally prepared to leave high school behind, and on the other hand, I sense I'll miss it. Life is about moving on though, and I think I'm ready. ~GAME DEV~ If you watch game dev Youtube, there is a popular Unity developer named Blackthornprod. I've been watching their videos for years, and they've helped me grow as a developer. There is a series of videos called "Pass The Game Challenge" on their channel, which works like game dev telephone, and I had the pleasure to participate in it for a second time this week. The most difficult part of these challenges in my opinion is dealing with other people's code. The approach that other people take in making their games is kind of perplexing, especially when they're given a strict time limit. I edited together a recap video of me turning what I got into the base for an adventure game about avoiding the mighty sun. You can watch it here: Recap

I'm pretty proud of what I did for the game in just six hours, and I gave the recap a story which I felt made it flow nicely. I had lots of fun participating and hope I can do it again some time.

~ART~ I've been working hard on my art final project, which includes over 5 pieces and my process of development. Hopefully in the next log, I'll have compiled some professional-quality images of my works. ~PERSONAL~ I want to become more positive. I've noticed in conversations I often have a critical point of view, and though criticism can be constructive, I often end up tearing people down, and this is a trait I want to leave behind as I move into adult life. Spebby

Wassup Hammers, welcome back to the Spebby section of the Game Hammers blog. This week was slower in terms of learning compared to previous weeks, but I still have some things to share. I’d like to focus on my mid-semester break to Lake Tahoe: I’ve only been once before, but this time I tried skiing for the first time, and I sucked pretty hard! As we headed up the Gondola my partner told me all the stories of where and how they broke their bones along the slopes, even pointing out the exact tree they broke their arm on. I myself thankfully avoided having any particularly bad crashes, but I must have fallen at least 30 times. The most painful crash ended in a splits, with both skis still attached, and both of my legs caught on something

My first descent took 2 hours, but eventually I managed to do it without falling on a repeat descent. Eventually, I headed up to the summit of Mt. Pluto. Most of the ways down were Black Diamonds, there was a path down that was a Blue. While I had only ridden Greens up until that point, I thought I may be able to handle it with a few stumbles. I very quickly realised that it was way too steep for myself, and had to literally roll down the mountain. Unfortunately I don’t have any videos of photos. But I do have one of the peak. It had a beautiful view of Lake Tahoe. It was quite surreal to be honest. Before I had gone to Tahoe I always held the belief that the place was overrated. I had known many people as a kid who’d go up every year. But when I finally did go up it all clicked and I had a newfound appreciation for my adoptive home state.

And of course, the views on the drive back were quite something. We didn’t stop, but I got some great photos of the snow covered landscape. It was actually quite surprising how much snow there really was. Prior to heading up I was told that this time of the year, there’s little snow on the mountain and usually none in Northstar’s Village. But there were mounds of snow as tall as people all over the place. Hopefully, I will be able to return to Tahoe this summer and visit the lake properly again. When I had been last, it was too cold to swim, so maybe I’ll get to do it this summer!

Flodo Heya

Heya' my fellow Hammers, it's me, the Brazilian, Flodo. I've been doing art and making prototypes that get fixed and turned into the games we've released so far! Although after Boolliards I haven't done anything interesting, here's a fun fact: originally, Egg Rush was gonna have the player be an unhatched egg walking around and punching chickens instead of rolling and groundpounding them. Like and Share for more epic facts next week or something! Nolam (again)

I wish that Flodo would write more in these blog posts. I know that he's a capable artist with a drive to create, and that he has lots to share and be proud of.

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eigwayne · 1 year

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So I had some unexplained eye pain on Monday and am on eye drops, but because I also had to work I have not been resting my eyes enough. This definitely means I have not been writing, watching my shows, or playing Atelier (and I was finally getting somewhere in Lulua again ;_; )

Instead, I watched a bunch of Youtube channels. And by ‘watch’ I mean ‘mostly listen to or watched with my good eye while I tried to keep from blinking my medication out of my bad eye’. But some of them are really interesting so here’s a list for any gentle readers who need some things to watch:

Baumgartner Restoration: Talks a lot about the materials, his experience, and processes of fine art conservation. Super soothing voice, lots of background noises like scraping and brushing, I don’t know or care what ASMR is but apparently this is similar. A godsend for when I wasn’t feeling good this week.

Steve Shives: I mostly watch his Star Trek stuff so far, because there’s soooo much to get through. Has both thoughts on the shows and response videos. A bit acerbic and definitely opinionated but he’s right about so much of it.

Guga Foods: Cooking and grilling, and preparation experiments. A lot of meat. Sooooo much meat. I have never heard the word “Wagyu” used so many times in my life. Fascinating though. Also has the channel Sous Vide Everything which has more variety of items and cuts, but sous vide looks so disgusting, it may turn your stomach even if you are okay with the weird meats. Keep an eye out for Leo and enjoy him; he does the best descriptions of the food they’re tasting, hands down.

Bob Ross: That’s right, entire seasons of The Joy of Painting! Watch from season one to learn the techniques and discover how freeing this method of oil painting is- and how dark some of his scenarios explaining the buildings in the pictures are.

Anti-Chef: More cooking and kitchen experiments. Has a “Jamie and Julia” feature where he does recipes from Julia Childs’ cookbooks. Does not hesitate from showing his failures which is nice, but his chaotic kitchen going sometimes makes me anxious and I want to get in there with a dish cloth. I guess French cookery is not conducive to clean-as-you-go?

Tasting History with Max Miller: Recipes and history in the same video! He’s not a pro chef or a pro historian, but he’s a great presenter and learning all the time. Keep an eye out for the Pokemon in the background of each video; they always match the theme somehow.

Chef James Makinson: Has both his own cooking videos and reaction videos to other chefs. One of the now-many chefs doing Uncle Roger reactions, but I like Makinson a lot because he’s very gentle in tone and in his responses, and includes great tips for doing things cost-effectively and with home tools.

Made With Lau: A Chinese restaurant chef sharing his recipes, and his son preserving them for the future, with sit-down dinner Q&As. I want to make my own spring rolls so bad now, and with their tips, I could probably do it.

Yes, I watched a lot of cooking lately. And I need to rest my eye soon, so also check out these channels, among others: TwoSetViolin, Bernadette Banner, Morgan Donner, Abby Cox, Artifexian, LangTime Studio, Biblaridion, How to Cook That (Ann Reardon), Dianxi Xiaoge, Chef Wang Gang, Fujian Grandma (the last three are Chinese-language, so turn on the subs. Dianxi Xiaoge has another channel for her dogs so keep an eye peeled, no reference intended, for Apenjie with Dawang).

#elise's daily life arc #Currently Watching

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reachexceedinggrasp · 1 year

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Omg, thank you for replying to my ask. (*/ω＼*) Yay so excited to hear about your Lokane fic! Such a Heraklean effort! I have a similar problem with a novel-length WIP, actually near the same emotional peak and I really think it must be that last final push that's almost harder than anything else - in a way I don't want to finish mine! I had a similar rule about not starting other WIP's so I have a document where I've amassed everything I'm not writing, and that's helped me a little because it feels like I've 'done' something so I can do other stuff haha.

Regarding Solas/Lavellan: don't worry about a disappointing response, to be totally honest I was a bit worried you already didn't like it (though wanted to know what emotional chord didn't work for you), but the fact you're not familiar with it is almost kind of better!! It's one of those pairings for me that manages to hit the epic romance notes and actually consummate the romance and then affirm the narrative importance, which is already pretty hard to do with a video game (and often times I'm left disappointed by pairings grounded primarily in potential). I can't really reveal too much about Solas because learning about him is the journey but if you like your trickster god/vulnerability/concealed pain/the dinan'shiral (the Journey of Death) that love endures against etc. it's all there. A non-spoilery detail I like about him is that sometimes when he talks he speaks in iambic pentametre or the musical notes of Hallelujah, so there's a poeticism to him and subtlety to his character execution that I just love.

I think the only drawback to Solas/Lavellan is that because it's a game it's more of a time investment and you also need the Trespasser DLC for full effect, but honestly you can watch it on YouTube lol. There's a lot of lore that enhances the pairing as well. I don't think you need to really play the first two games to 'get it', but I generally enjoy Bioware games and I think they're both fun experiences. The Solas/Lavellan romance also doesn't have an awkwardly animated sex scene, if that puts you off like it does me, though it's not entirely lacking eroticism.

wank magnet tragic murder boy

I love this thank you hahahaha.

If you ever get around to playing Dragon Age or watching the romance on YouTube, I look forward to hearing your thoughts on it, though my curiosity is now successfully sated! Thank you! (Hopefully my ask doesn't come off as pressuring you to get into it... mostly I'm just surprised/happy you didn't know much about it hahah!)

Also, as one final departing remark, yes, I'm actually the same regarding genuinely Nice Guy/Ingenue/Bad Boy, but I don't really gravitate towards that dynamic because it can come off as a bit superficial to me and I cannot STANDDDD love triangles unless it was only ever a matter of who she 'should' be with versus whom she really wants, it has to be true love soulmatism or I cry!!!

Hope you have a lovely day and good luck with fic writing!

Yeah, I pretty much know some memes about Solas and that he apparently betrays the PC somehow. And people debate his motives and level of sincerity a lot. But I know so little about the plot that I've forgotten most of the details I ever came across. Poetry is a selling point! but I really can't say whether I will vibe with the ship or not based on what I know. The sad murder boy really has to hit a specific way for me.

Yes, exactly! I feel exactly the same way about love triangles. I talked about this before, but I hate them unless they're the forgone conclusion kind where it's not about who she actually loves (because this is never in doubt), it's about whether she's going to choose love over pragmatism or whether true love will conquer outside circumstances, etc. I think it was in my first ramble about Fated to Love You, which is a great example. All three characters know Mi Young is in love with Gun, the tension is always about whether they will overcome both the internal and external obstacles separating them and take the risk for true love or if she'll settle for playing it safe in a platonic pseudo-relationship with Daniel where her heart can't be broken.

If there's genuinely romantic feelings for more than one person and the middle point is not just in denial about where their heart lies, I'm out lol.

Ditto! ;)

#I see a lot of people complain they don't like love triangles bc both branches are clearly not equally valid options #but yeah that's the only way I tolerate them #when the dichotomy is idealism/pragmatism or true love/duty or scary true love/safe complacency then it's a great device #because those are great character struggles and set us up nicely for True Love Conquers All #but 'I don't know which boy I like better' is the worst fucking plot of all time #if that's really what's in question then I don't care you are boring #the triangle has to be actually about something else or it can fuck off #the conflict for me needs to be about whether the soulmates will get to be together and fully realised as people #not 'will this mundane relationship (other options are available) work out okayish?'#go big or go home #'we're compatible but I could take it or leave it' is the death knell for my interest in a ship #when people write fic like that about my OTPs it's the most weirdly demoralising experience #bring me the massive emotions and spicy melodramatic devotion or bring me death #there's nothing worse than beige unromantic romance #it's better to go way over the top than to be '''realistic''' like that

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eeriefeelingsat3amuwu · 2 years

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Man, it’s like- Sometimes, I get too caught up in everything bad in the world, all the Sadness and pain that people are experiencing, or just the fact that in the same moment in which I am typing away on my phone, terribly bored and sad, someone is dying, crying, going through something so much more terrible.

But then. I hang out with my friends and we laugh at a very stupid joke. Someone tells me I made their day better by being Nice to them. I see a pretty flower and it smells good.

I see the sun setting, the moon barely visible in the sky, the evening is warm and I’m smelling like smoke bc I had a bbq with my family. I make a child smile. My favourite song plays, my best friend texts me.

Someone hugs me and plays with my hair, my sister says she’s proud of me and sees me as her idol. Someone tells me my singing is Nice, I hit a high note in a song where I wasn’t able to before.

My linework is cleaned in my drawing, I get an amazing story idea, I bake something that tastes good and share with my friends and it makes them smile.

Someone listens to me ramble about my favourite book/show, or just asks me how my day was, a stranger compliments my outfit. I see a chonky bird, I drink a Nice cup of tea.

I finish an annoying and hard assignment, get a good grade from a test, I eat a homegrown grape or a strawberry. I convince my mom to go to a coffee shop and just talk for two hours.

I buy really good ice cream, hug my favourite plushie, take a fucking amazing shower, a cat lets me pet it. My English teacher compliments my writing.

My Dad takes me to a hockey match, watches my favourite show with me, I swing on the swing set, I finish a great hike.

I order good food and it arrives earlier than it said it would, I manage to throw a corny pun. Someone tells me they like talking to me. My hair looks Nice, I don’t feel dysphoric, I wear a dress.

I manage to catch a great stream live, I find the BEST fanfic, I watch a wonderful animatic. My favourite youtuber posts a new video, my roomie and I have a deep talk.

I figure out what brand of deodorant I like to use, my friend gives me a hug and I make them laugh. My bread dough rises the way it should, I drink water at three in the morning, someone reccomends a song that I fall in love with.

The love of my life says they can’t wait to meet me, they promise it will be soon. I understand a particularly difficult topic in school. I wear a comfortable hoodie, buy a skirt.

My back doesn’t hurt, my friend asks me to go out, I finaly get that one achievement in my favourite game. I like the face and clothes of the character I just drew, I stim so hard I get out of breath.

Someone gives me a gift, the bus driver knows which stop I’m getting off at, I paint my nails. Someone comments on my fanfic, someone reblogs my Tumblr post.

I win a Mario Kart game, I make a good pasta, I remember a funny situation. I breathe fresh air, I see a funky rock. My roommate brings me water, my mom makes me breakfast.

My sister plays so well on her guitar. I will play the piano once more someday. I get home after a long week. I call with my love.

Life is so full of beautiful things. Even if it hurts, it’s worth it. I’m not saying the stupid ‘it will get better’ bulshit.

No, I am saying that you deserve to be alive, despite everyone who tries to make you think otherwise. You deserve to see the pretty flowers, you deserve good food, long hugs, friends who adore you, family that has your back.

Every Single good thing on this earth is here for you. For you to see, to smell, to hear, to laugh, to love, to LIVE. Just. Don’t forget that, please. You matter. Even if you think you don’t.

You matter to the cat you pass every morning on your way to work, you matter to neighbour you helped with their groceries, you matter to the child who smiled at you. You matter to your friends, even if you don’t have many of them. You matter to your family, biological or not.

The good things are here for you, but you are also one of the good things to so many other people. Hey, I love you. Even if only one person sees this, I love you. You deserve the world.

Stay in it and it will come to you.

#eerie’s feelings #so many feelings #mental health #i love y'all #life is beautiful #don’t cut it short #even if you don’t see the point #there doesn’t need to be a big reason #just stay a bit longer because you like drinking tea #stay a bit longer because you just bought a Nice perfume #because you want to pet a cat #hear a song #see a flower #just #look for the little things #you will get through this

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brunz · 2 years

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long

i was watching this video on special books by special kids a youtube channel i like very much and this guy chris interviews, mostly children at first, but also some adults, people with different medical disorders or mental disorders that effect their lives significantly, and he talks to them in a really positive but also real way and lets them share their experiences directly which i think is great. anyways i was watching one with this guy Daniel (go figure) and i know these feelings arent unique and i also understand his feelings are a lot more intense than mine, but he struggled a lot with feeling like he was worth anything and social interaction and feeling like he fails people and just not feeling joy. among other things. those other things i did not relate to because i am not a veteran nor do i have ptsd and im not schizophrenic. but i just related to his feelings of suicidality and often feeling like theres this black hole this like permanant thing that you just carry that sucks the joy and complicates everything that you do and everything you think. im better now but having been kinda suicidal in middle school and highschool and intensely suicidal during college (suicidal for me that is. i made no attempts but i did self harm and i did often feel compelled to do something)

idk where im getting at with this. i watched the video and i just wanted to hug him so bad. and there was some hope. but sometimes if i really think about this stuff, that narrative of never getting better, the narrative of owing the world my suicide, the narrative and kind of fantasy of bad things happening to me and me deserving it and me moving on to whatevers next and the narrative of me never significantly improving my life because im a coward that should be put down. that narrative grows stronger and feels truer and truer and truer. the fact that i can call it a narrative i guess is a nice step away from just accepting it as truth which is what i often did as a child, but even with that awareness, it can still feel correct? like oh yeah this is what ive been taught and learned behaviors and whatever whatever but if i cant do anything aobut it and its gonna follow me all my life, than its going to do what its going to do, and there is kind of a logical conclusion. it doesnt matter if the thoughts are irrational or wrong, they manifest in a way that kind of make them true anyways. idk. its all relative i suppose.

in the video he talked aobut being forcibly put into a psychiatric facility for sometime and idk how to say this in a nonentitled way but sometimes i envy that experience. it would be like atleast an acceptance that other people recognize that something is wrong. and i suppose its a bit of punishment. and change. of course i say this , but i know how awful it is and im sure if it happened i wouldnt be saying this. ive already had this experience with my parents as i used to believe that i would deserve it if something really bad happened to me, so much so that i kind of wanted it to happen. one of those things was my mom dying which i used to think about but never thought it would happen. of course it did eventually happen, and in a really awful way. did it satisfy or solve anything? no. did it matter that i got my “punishment”? no. especially not given it wasnt just my pain, its my mom dying. but theres no big story or meaning to this whole thing anyways, i just mean. idk what i mean. im just saying all the stuff i taught myself as a kid that had atleast some weird positive aspect of “this should happen” didnt even work when it did happen.

this is quite rambly because i need to say it and if i try too hard to fix typos and structure i wont actually say it. and i need to say it because ill think it now and forget it later and i need to record this. i often feel like my memory is getting worse as well. idk how true that is but part of me feels like im just losing more and more, even given how unbelievably lucky i am in so many ways.

getting better and assessing life and trying to unravel and undo so much complicated stupid shit is. i dont wanna say hard but it is. it feels like just undoing this massive gordian knot. suicide being the sword i suppose.

im not suicidal im fine, its just that i have been before and im very confident it will come back stronger later because it just feels like the right and correct thing to do for me at some point in my life. it used to be almost certain by my turning 30 years old, and given that i have about 5 years until then, that is a little scary. no real reason for that number its just that it felt correct. it feels less correct now, but its only the number, and not the eventual um deed.

there is also a massive guilt because what the fuck do i have to complain about, im a trust fund baby whos never worked a day in their life with wonderful friends who give me more time than they ought to and ive been handed everything over and over and over and yet this cyclical markov chain of just hating myself and guilt and compulsion has followed me all my life and i dont know what to do about it. i guess ive improved it over the last few years but its times like these that feel like its all just a big lie. hopefully its not and you know, there is something there that i will eventually be a “real person”. I am not that person yet and idk if i ever will be. I guess the punishment of institutionalization or self harm or suicide feel like the most real things that i could do. but i know after them, id stil feel guilt anyways. especially given that, no matter how i feel about myself, i cannot stop how others feel about me and they seem to love me and care about me and so im aware that suicide would be very hard on them and i dont want to do that either.

this is way longer than i meant it to be and im kind of thinking as i go along and if you read this far well shit ill just say im surprised lol. or maybe youre just skimming through. thats cool too. this is not private, but it is also not intended for anyone to read. its kind of nothing tbh. it just needs to exist and not in a notebook. hopefully this isnt a narcissistic mess.

#suicide tw

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