#a mother's love | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sleuthy-scientist · 8 months

Text

Like Mother, Like Daughter.

When Emily returned from the dead, her mother's house had been the first place she went to after she knew everyone was safe. Once the corner collected Ian Doyle's body and Declan was in Tom Kohler's capable hands, that had been her first stop. She had gone with the intent to clear the air and mend fences with her mother.

Emily came to learn three things from that visit. First, her mother had been told the truth of her faked death from her boss. The second thing being that even before learning she was alive, her mother hadn't felt it was necessary to attend her funeral. And thirdly, she couldn't fix a relationship that never was.

Even if it was a need to know matter and Ambassador Elizabeth Prentiss didn't have the exact level of security clearance needed, she found out Aaron told her mom a week after the funeral. He knew she could be trusted to keep a secret, and he felt as a parent himself, thought it would be cruel to let her suffer and grieve, when her daughter was still alive.

Aaron had known when they got Emily back, it would be hard enough for her, trying to pick up the pieces and reclaim her life. Even if he couldn't admit it then, the real reason he had told Elizabeth the truth was for Emily's sake. He knew they didn't have the most stellar or close relationship, but he didn't want this to be the thing that broke the camel's back.

It hurt Emily finding out her mother missed the funeral of her only child, truly showing how little she cared. Emily could've understood if her anger was coming from a place of hurt or betrayal. Especially because her faked death had been a matter of national security, and her mother hadn't been made aware of the truth right away.

But it hadn't mattered what Emily said, Elizabeth hadn't been willing to listen, or consider her side of things. Emily knew it went deeper than that, but even then, she hadn't wanted to accept the truth of their relationship that never was.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

Elizabeth had shouted those exact words, venom laced with vitriol and spite, the last time they spoke. Emily hadn't seen her mother in almost a decade since.

Yet, she could still clearly recall the conviction her mother's voice held, revealing the harsh but truthful implication in her words. It was just as Emily had always suspected, to her mother, she had always been a disappointment, something Elizabeth Prentiss saw as some sort of punishment. Like she couldn't understand what she possibly had done to deserve a daughter like Emily.

When she was younger, she had actually tried to make an effort to be the perfect little political puppet for her mother. For so long she thought she had been just that, but it was never enough. It didn't matter how good her grades were, how she dressed, or how well she behaved, Elizabeth always found fault in her.

Emily was done waiting, holding out hope for a day that would never come. Her mother was never going to be the mom she would always yearn for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

The mantra repeated itself for months after their feud, haunting her for far longer than she ever cared to admit. Elizabeth's words may have been meant negatively, but she never knew how much Emily actually craved to be a mother herself. But, she wanted more than that, for her child(ren) to grow up with two parents, doubling the love and affection they deserved.

If she was ever blessed with the opportunities to have a family, Emily vowed to never take it for granted. If she was lucky enough to find that for herself, she would make them her priority and find the balance between parenthood and work that her mother hadn't even attempted to strive for.

But, Emily knew as it stood, it was still too soon after Doyle. She was too damaged and lost, to consider the possibility, not knowing if she even had a place to call home anymore. With her insecurities and need to mend friendships, she wasn't sure when she would be ready.

She couldn't help contemplating if the life she wanted would ever happen for herself. Or, if she had missed the boat, that ship has sailed long ago without her on board. Leaving her now to pay her penance, destined to be alone, never knowing the full joy of parenthood.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

In some ways she got her wish two years later when she officially became Jack's stepmother, eleven short months after her and Aaron finally took the plunge. He wasn't a daughter obviously, but it renewed her hope that one day she might have a daughter too. To give Jack a best friend for life, she just had to beat the tick of her biological clock first.

~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

It was the sentence she heard in her head three and a half years after those words were first uttered to her. When the timer finally dinged indicating her test results were ready. It gave her cause to pause and wonder if she was ready, regardless if the test was positive or not.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

The words once again brought forth her insecurities when the doctor revealed their baby's gender at her twentieth week's scan. It was the outcome she had wanted to hear, but she couldn't stop the way it created a pit in her stomach. She was worried she would never be able to connect to her daughter, and her mother would be right about her.

It gnawed at her for days, growing uncontrollably, until Aaron convinced her to talk about whatever was bothering her. She knew he would have laughed, at her ridiculousness, had he not been able to see how troubled she truly felt by it. With each reason he listed, it was his unwavering faith, made in her defence about abilities to be a mother, that won her over in the end.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

If her stubbornness to come out was anything to show, Emily had no doubt her little girl took after her. While Aaron was stubborn too, Emily had always beaten him when it came to battles of the will. Twelve days after her due date when her doctor decided to induce her, her daughter had already proven she was a worthy opponent.

~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

Emily knew appearance wise Grace took after them both, but to be fair they all had similar colouring. But, it was more than that, it was the way her daughter stubbornly fought off sleep as long as it was possible. Until her exhaustion overpowered her, just like both her parents were notorious for, especially during cases.

The moment that proved she was her mother's daughter however, came with Grace's first word. It wasn't mama, dada, Jack, or even nono (her title for Dave). No, her first word was Tesoro, the affectionate nickname Dave exclusively used to address Emily whenever he greeted her.

Although Grace pronounced it ''Tethro'', until she eventually caught on how to correctly say her 's' sounds. Either way, it was obvious very early on to her family they would have another polyglot on their hands.

If her ability to babble in English, French, and Italian, by the time she was in her terrible twos wasn't indication enough of her parentage, her attitude, facial expressions, and her natural compassion for others, made her a dead ringer for her mother.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

For awhile she stopped hearing the words meant as a curse. It no longer haunted her as it once did, because the love she had for Grace was limitless.

If anything, it made her smile anytime someone compared her daughter to her, proud of every aspect of her little girl. From her sassy and stubborn demeanor to her larger than life personality, and insatiable thirst for knowledge.

It wasn't until she heard news of her mother's passing shortly after her baby girl turned six, that the last words her mother spoke to her plagued her dreams once more.

~~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

The morning of her mother's funeral, those words played on a loop, a foggy haze in her mind, as she showered and dressed on autopilot, preparing herself to look presentable.

Knowing her mother though, if she had still been alive, she would have found some fault in appearance. Anything really, Emily had never passed her scrutiny unscathed. If Elizabeth was in heaven watching, she knew the woman was certainly judging her once more.

Emily had been dreading this morning for the days leading up to it, knowing she had to put the infamous compartmentalization facade she learned from her mother to good use. That is, if she wanted to have any hopes of getting through the day in tact.

She was glad Jessica had adamantly insisted on watching Grace for them, not wanting Emily to have to worry about her. The two women had grown extremely close, their bond had long ago transcended past their unspoken agreement to fulfill Haley's dying wish for Jack and Aaron.

They were genuinely very good friends, and Jessica knew Emily deserved to mourn the loss of her mother on her own terms. The wake and funeral however, would be easier to navigate things without having to split her focus worrying about her young daughter.

Jessica like Aaron, understood Emily didn't see it fair to subject Grace to attending a funeral for a woman she never met. It wasn't explaining the subject of death she was worried about. Emily just felt Grace was too young to understand the dynamics of the relationship her mother had had with her grandmother. Emily was trying to shield Grace by doing what was best for her.

She agreed to letting Aaron join her, knowing there was no way he would have even willingly considered ever leaving her to deal with something of this magnitude alone.

When their thirteen year old Jack insisted he attend as well, he reassured both Emily and Aaron regardless of how boring and long it might be, he wanted to be there for his Emmy. Emily didn't bother to even try to hide the few tears that slipped out at his gesture, she just pulled her sweet boy into a thankful embrace.

In the end most, of the actual day went by in a blur. Yet, Emily had never felt so out of place then during her mother's service. All the people who came up to her to pay their respects and reminisce about how amazing Elizabeth was. Emily could see their side of things, why they all saw her mother as an impressive and influential force of nature.

It was the most painful, psychological torture listening to all those in attendance spout on about her loss. She hated hearing everyone say she was lucky to have had such a wonderful mother and role model. To have them go on about how proud Elizabeth was of her, how she often spoke of her brave and selfless daughter, busy off saving the world. That she should never doubt how much her mother loved her in life.

Each well intentioned word they spoke, felt like sharp lies made of barbed wire. Only they couldn't see the damage they were doing, not when they truly believed what they were saying. And that hurt more, knowing her mother could fool everyone into believing she was Supermom, collecting that title on top of all her other accolades.

In the end, Emily wasn't even sure how she had managed to get up infront of the masses and lie through her teeth. She could only vaguely recall a few faces of the hundreds of people she interacted with. She knew at some point the team had stopped by to pay their respects as well.

Emily couldn't help but wondering, that it must have been through dumb luck and the sheer force of God's Grace that she got through her eulogy with both dignity and grace.

Now she stood at her mother's final resting place, ready to say goodbye.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

Emily knew Elizabeth had known of Grace's existence, that she kept tabs on her life through mutual acquaintances, yet she never attempted to get in touch. But she knew in Elizabeth's eyes, she had gotten her spiteful wish meant to be a vindictive curse.

Her mother was right about one thing, Gracie was her through and through, not that Emily needed anyone to remind her of that. But, watching Grace and Jack grow up, happy and healthy knowing they were given the love and attention they needed gave her peace. They had all the things Emily never got, it was like watching a movie of how her own life could have played out.

Yet, Elizabeth would never know, to her, being Grace's mom was a healing balm from her own childhood. The greatest blessing of her life, one Emily cherished, but never felt truly worthy and deserving enough to have. The moment she held Grace in her arms, when her little girl opened her eyes, allowing them both to see each other for the first time, her whole world changed for the better.

She finally understood her dreams from years before. The recurring nightmare with the hill, and the little six year old girl dancing at the top with a carefree feeling and the warmth of the sun radiating down on her.

In her dreams the hill always got steeper and steeper as she tried to reach the top. Yet she kept climbing, knowing she needed to save the girl, because she was all alone. Only for the inevitable panic that set in at the top when she realised the little girl was gone. Emily knew the reality of all the horrors and possibilities that caused her to vanish. what that could mean. She had seen, heard, and experienced the horrors first hand.

The adult version of herself only knew a little girl was waiting all alone. She had wanted to protect the innocent girl from the horrors of the world. So she could never be robbed of sense of wonder, innocence, and her ability to see the beauty that surrounded her in the world.

For years she had theorized the purpose of her dream and the psychological meaning behind it. But now, Emily realised she was never meant to actually reach the girl at the top. It was an impossible task, her subconscious's way of trying to make sense and push her to deal with the trauma she internalized.

Because Emily knew the girl was her, and she never stopped waiting for her mom to save her. Some part of Emily was still wishing and waiting, dreaming of what she wanted most as a child, her mother's love, affection, and approval. Yet it had never come true, and living with the reality of that, even now, was a tough pill to swallow.

And now as a mother herself, it was even harder to wrap her mind around what she could have possibly done to make her mother feel that way. Why she had never been enough, not even for a second.

Not when Grace and Jack were her whole world. Emily knew she would do anything for them, even if she had to sacrifice herself or resort to murder to protect them.

It was still a bittersweet moment, but Emily wasn't devastated as she should have been, had their relationship had been different. She wished she could say she had been sad that her mother had never gotten to meet Grace and get know Jack. But she wasn't, she was glad she never gave Elizabeth the opportunity to hurt the most important and precious part of her life, her family.

But, Emily hoped if her spirit was somehow watching her, that she knowingly died with regrets. Not because she was vindictive or glad her mother died alone, but because she would finally know what it was like to wait, hope, and be let down. To know she pushed away the only person who had ever truly loved her unconditionally in life.

And now Emily stood ready to give the real eulogy her mother deserved. The eloquent one she had read back in church, had been her final performance as the perfect politician's puppet.

Listing off her mother's contributions to the world along with some sappy anecdotes of a childhood she never had. There hadn't been a dry eye in sight, when she was finished telling the tale of the woman, Elizabeth had always woven for them all to see her as.

But now without an audience present, she could speak the truth in her heart.

~~~~~~

"I hope you have a daughter just like you".

"You got your wish mom, and I'm sure you thought you had the last laugh. Grace is exactly like me, everyone makes comments to that effect".

"She has my laugh, but hers always carries to the next room, without the fear of being scolded for being heard".

"She has my unruly hair, but with a little care, patience, and attention, her locks are easy to tame".

"She has my affinity for languages and her imagination is as wild as mine once was. Yet, I refuse to dampen her spirit or discourage her insatiable curiosity as you did to me".

"She's got my humour and attitude, she's fiery, filled to the brim with thoughts and emotions, her passion always ready to spew out. But, she will never have to fear being seen as weak for showing her feelings, or feel the need to wear a mask as armour to protect her".

"She's all the things, you always criticized about me. So maybe your wish came true Mom, because she's exactly like me. But, you were wrong about one thing, loving her is the easiest thing, it's like breathing air".

"And, unlike my relationship with you, she will never not need me in her life, because I will never give her a reason to believe I don't want to be a part of her life. I will never not be grateful to have a daughter just like me. Being a mom to her and Jack is the best, most rewarding and successful thing, I've ever done in my life".

"And even if you were still here today, your words can't hurt me anymore. Nothing you could have said would ever be able to change my mind about the life and family I made for myself".

"I will never not be glad I had a daughter just like me, and I promise you I will never take her for granted. I'm just sorry you never felt that way for me".

From where she stood at the top of the hill she could see everything in the distance. Emily looked back to where her husband and stepson were waiting, and she knew she was ready to go home.

Emily peered down at her mother's grave once more feeling the comfort of the sun's warmth dance down on her back. She didn't feel sad, if anything she felt at peace. Emily had already spent her life mourning for what Elizabeth Prentiss had never been to her. It was time to let her go for good.

"Goodbye mother".

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #hotchniss #elizabeth prentiss #parenthood #a mother's love

11 notes · View notes