#access to it again capitalism is a fucking nightmare

[lesbianseulgis]

i need a laptop so fucking bad i miss giffing its literally been a year

#i hate being poor i would like my hobby back now #i’m kinda scared im gonna forget how to do it too #did u know i’m still paying for photoshop cuz i got a student discount and if i stop paying then i lose the discount for when i do get #access to it again capitalism is a fucking nightmare #i want to make stuff again whenever i watch something i’m like omg that would be a perfect set! oh. oh i cant. #i couldnt even do my top 10 of 2023 :(((

[teatitty]

I would also like to scream in your ear for your erasermic spooky month hcs, love all your erasermic stuff. Waiting until my days off to read the other 2 chaps of the one fic and then the new one,,,as a treat for suffering through Capitalism,,,,

Pulls out my files

They have a big black gothic house that's a mix of traditional and modern styles with bright pink curtains in the windows because Aizawa loves pink and every room is a different theme/vibe, it has three floors to it + a variety of secret rooms [if you've ever seen the Edith Finch game think that] just for funsies

They're somewhere in the Top 50 Richest Heroes list for Japan but neither of them mention it at all because they just don't care. This is how they manage to own about 15 cats [I also used to have 15 cats lol] and they employ a housekeeper called Rukiya

Rukiya is an ex-hitwoman who was sent to assassinate Nemuri but Nemuri liked her vibes so much they became besties. Officially Rukiya is "missing" but unofficially she's working for EraserMic as a housekeeper whenever they're away and lives with Nemuri

Rukiya dresses and acts like a maid but this is because she's committed to the Aesthetic™️

Their kitchen is filled with warm colours and tones and is the neatest looking room in the whole house

When Tensei was paralysed and would never walk again [Stain arc] they immediately set about modifying the house to be wheelchair friendly and completely accessible to him because Tensei likes staying over sometimes

Shinsou's room is a mix of naruto merchandise and real life animal skulls and fossils. All ethically found of course [re: he finds dead creatures and cleans them up before taking them home. Some of these dead creatures have leaked into the other rooms and hallways oopsies]

Eri has the brightest room because she loves bright colours and it's very hilariously jarring to go through this House Of Horrors only to open her door and get blasted by unicorn quilt covers, pawprints painted on her walls and a fluffy rug in the shape of a smiling cartoon dog

If Tokoyami's edgy emo ass ever came to this house he would never want to leave

A slight smutty HC now: the first time Hizashi and Shouta had penetrative sex it was in a coffin in an undertaker's store because they were meant to be spying on someone and locked themselves in it to avoid being seen. They were, like, 18 at the time

Their bedroom is a mix of goth and punk aesthetics with splashes of colour. They have one bedside lamp and no other lights save the sun itself and this is because of Hizashi's light sensitivity

The bed is big enough to fit four people if you squish up because Nemuri and Tensei loved doing that. Now Shinsou and Eri sometimes join them in it if they have nightmares

Shinsou fucking loves halloween but he acts super cool and calm about it guys haha ignore all those outfits and decorations he just bought on impulse it's fine

Eri doesn't really get the full point of halloween she just likes dressing up

Because of what she went through with Overhaul, Eri is surprisingly unaffected by horror movies and will gladly watch even the goriest of them with her dad's without issue. Shinsou, however, is terrified of them and will crawl over the back of the sofa to get as far away from the screen as possible

Aizawa doesn't have any private rooms for himself but does do most of his work in the kitchen because it's closest to all the snacks. He's a chronic snacker which is why he drinks jelly pouches all the time [mood]

Hizashi, however, has two private rooms for himself: a studio room for all his recordings and radio related plans and then another soundproofed room where he can just blast loud music and scream or lay on the floor to feel the bass vibrations. Shinsou also uses this room a lot to de-stress. They have screaming sessions together

I said it in another post but I'll put it here again: the first time Eri attends school she ends up getting stalked in secret by Aizawa and Shinsou, full ninja-like, and Hizashi judges them for it right up until they find him disguised as one of the school staff so he can also keep an eye on her. Eri is oblivious to this

A lot of Eri's classmates are convinced her family are in the yakuza because of how scary and intimidating they look. It's the sleep deprivation and long work hours

People think Present Mic is a purely daytime hero but this is false! Mic is called on a lot by the Underground Heroes to sneak into places in various disguises to get information because he's just one of those guys who can fit in anywhere and is a great actor

Shinsou is a terrible actor because he's not good at on-the-spot improv which has led to some very funny situations for him

This family's idea of fun is to terrorise everyone around them for kicks. You're in a deep dark tunnel with no lights? Well guess what they're gonna jumpscare you and/or make spooky noises that echo everywhere just to watch you shit yourself

Eri moves so quickly and quietly people think the UA dorms are haunted by a ghost

Eri's the only person to have ever successfully snuck up on Bakugou and scared the shit out of him in the kitchens. Shinsou was wheezing to death about it for days afterwards

Had to come back in to add one I forgot about: Aizawa is a borderline yandere for his family and that is canon To Me. I will expand on this eventually

And that's all the ones I can think of at the moment! And HELL YEAH LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR A+ COMMENTS AS ALWAYS! I'm taking a break from writing for a while so there's time to catch up also I am rooting for you to get through capitalist hell retail sucks

#auniverseforgotten #asks #erasermic family #god this was way more than I thought I had oops

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

They learn quickly that the monsters are sensitive to sound.

He gets used to talking quietly. To always watch his step and always be aware of his surroundings. Someone had the idea to raid the schools and communicate exclusively using blackboard and chalk. Hawkins has never been so silent, but that doesn't bother him too much. He grew up in the silence, after all.

What bothers him is that his hands won't stop trembling. He never had the prettiest handwriting, but the chicken scratch he produces now is barely readable. Worse, he needs for-fucking-ever to write even a single word, only for it to not even look like english half the time.

He and Robin can communicate without words - he is truly convinced that they are living proof that soulmates are a thing - but with everyone else he has to struggle with the chalk, until he just gives up and starts talking less and less. If he died because he took too long writing smalltalk or pleasantries on the blackboard he would never live it down. He tries to convince himself that the grizzled-cool-silent-type suits him. With moderate success.

Although the whole town was literally transported into a different dimension, all adults seem to maintain a silent agreement to continue on as if nothing is wrong. They still go to work and they still need to pay for groceries and the holes and cracks in the streets are nothing more than inconveniences. He even overhears someone complaining about those, once. As if everything would be fine if the holes were only filled with cement. (oh gee, he wonders - silently as always, why did we never try that genius idea the last three times the upside down made an unwelcome visit). The only shop that has escaped the clutches of capitalism is the weapons shop.

He can somewhat understand it, the need to pretend that everything is fine. That it was all some collective nightmare that will fade with the dullness of day-to-day life. Doesn't mean he can't hate it. Though he doesn't take it as hard as the rest of the party.

It makes sense if you think about it. Robin, Nancy, the shitheads - they are smart, they could all actually go somewhere, do something with their lives. But him? Steve Harrington never had much of a future anyway, and his chances of making it out of this godforsaken town were always miniscule. No. What honestly bothers him more are his hands that won't stop shaking. You can't use a gun if you are unable to hold still and aim. You have a harder time being fast and quiet when everything takes twice as long if you don't want to drop anything. Even his beloved bat becomes less reliable, the swings weaker and his actual target always a few centimeters off. So yeah, his trembling hands are fucking inconvenient.

Gas and Water and Electricity stopped working. The first few months all of Hawkins stinks of rotting food until some teacher has the grandiose idea of distributing history books. This has the added bonus of giving everyone something to do that isn't "pretending not to be under constant panic". Water filters get classified under "weaponry" so that everyone has access without the mayor having to change the law again.

Once more, he doesn't mind too much. The only reason he used to turn on the TV was to feel less alone, and now the rest of the party basically lives in his house. He doesn't even mind having to walk the entire way to and from the lake while carrying buckets full of water: he will always be a jock at heart, and it is a great way to work out and be useful at the same time. His biggest complaint is once again his fucking hands. Water is precious, but his stupid arm won't stay still and it keeps spilling out of the bucket. Every lost drip feels like a stab in his heart, and the only reason he doesn't cry is because that would be an even bigger waste of water.

But the most stupid and embarrassing part is that this isn't even his first rodeo. He has been here before, he knows what it is like. Everyone else is living the same situations that he is. And still, his hands are the only ones that won't fucking stop trembling.

#most ppl in hawkins would be the type to continue their lives normally and refuse to wear masks during lockdown #so i applied the same logic to the apocalypse <3 #this goes out to all the awesome ppl who have the same problem #lemme tell you writing the first draft kf this was an absolute nightmare #like there are a lot of reasons im not the biggest fan of vol 2 #(besides eddie dying obvs) #but one thing i did find very cool is how the whole town got transported into the upside down #its fun to think about what that could mean for hawkins and the people there #in case it wasnt clear this is kind of an au where they just have to continue living in the upside down #you can choose if they ever make it back #or if eddie died or got turned into a vamp or whatever #stranger things #steve harrington #steve harrington drabble #stranger things drabble #pen. #stranger things spoilers #st s4 #st season 4

[questionablepastries]

soulsborne ask 8, 14, 30(also happy late birthday!!! how did i miss it!!!)

ASH!!!!! IM ANSWERINGN SO LATE forgib meh (also THank you for the belated birthday wish YAYAYA <3 )

I wanted to answer this on pc, bc i intended to write a lot given that this is like one of my top favorite franchises and it altered my brain chemistry permanently; aint no way im writing no sorry ass short answer so its gonna go under a readmore :)

8. What are your 3 favorite areas and why?

ough this ones already tough, throughout all the games there are so many good areas lol. I had to write a large list of areas I love and finally managed to narrow it down to three it was super painful and took like 30 min but here they are (in no particular order)

Fountainhead palace from sekiro - probably the most serene location in all soulsborne personally, The music is very peaceful the area is GORGEOUS compared to the bloodbath of the rest of the game. It very much is its own isolated location because technically it is. the royalty in sekiro would seclude themselves in this location and do nothing but ignore the state of the rest of the world and it very much shows since the area is so serene with its cherry blossom trees and massive koi fish to feed. even though the area has since flooded and all the servants turned into fish people hybrids its still awesome to explore what is essentially abandoned royalty temple ruins

Nokstella eternal city from eldenring - the area is just super pretty as well! sorry its starting to sound redundant but unlike fountainhead palace this place is not meant for normal people much less royalty to access and yet its a fucking cinderella castle underground complete with stars and shit, plus everything here is like weird mercury magic and has all these mimics its AWESOME i love doppelgangers and i love the scary silent atmosphere here because its like what did these people DO to get themselves banished underground

Tower of latria/upper latria from demon souls, i chose this one because i think it caused me the most stress in my demon souls run. it was here that i was getting very lost and very scared - probably the most stressed ive ever been my entire demon souls run. going from super scary prison to jesus christ is that a giant fucking beating heart being held up by chains was an experience ill never feel again it was so cool

honorable mentions go to: caelid, lake of rot, crumbling farum azula, academy of raya lucaria (elden ring), the gutter, black gulch, and shrine of amana (ds2), the entirety of shrine of storms (demon souls), nightmare of mensis (bloodborne)

i feel bad not even mentioning one ds3 map so uhhh profaned capital

14. Who is the most underrated boss in your opinion?

leechmonger & adjudicator (yes i chose two, im cheating) from demon souls. I think soulsborne games should lean way more into body horror/horror themes in general given how crappy the state of their worlds are and these guy are like. the definition of both body horror and gore. sad to see both of them being ignored for fan favorite cool people in armor bosses (artorias, ornstein, gwyn, lady maria, malenia, old king allant, soul of cinder, nameless king...etc)

bosses that get this horror thing right include: ludwig, orphan of kos, guardian ape (not exactly underrated but the second phase tho), radahn (he was eating a guy at the start lol he counts as horror in a way? plus he's massive), mergos wetnurse, king allant (the real one!), phalanx (god i love this thing), flamelurker, maneaters, four kings (warped by dark magic and infinitely respawning in an abyss this is the coolest concept of all time), gaping dragon (COOL!!!!), demon of song are a couple i can list with google's help

off topic but my favorite "just a guy" bosses are penetrator (demon souls), looking glass knight + darklurker (ds2) and the corrupted monk from sekiro

30. Rank the games you’ve played!

wahhh......

dark souls 1 (my entry to the franchise im sowwy)

demon souls (really captured the scary morose medieval knight atmosphere i was desperately craving after finishing ds1)

bloodborne (super unique game - has no peer in terms of atmosphere, is only in third place because i much prefer being a depressing knight rather than a cool guy in a trenchcoat on a weekday in london)

eldenring (being unable to ride torrent in the final boss fight, the dissapointment of lack of things to do at the mountaintop of the giants, and no boss living up to radahn or rykard in the end game stretch..(malenia is just a hot lady im sorry; even her second form is just hot lady - now if she was a monster.....) is why im placing this as 4th)

sekiro (another unique game however has zero replayability)

dark souls 3 (might be overdue for a replay since i only beat it like twice since release, and i struggled to remember any bosses or areas when answering these questions. I think ds3 was just like a bunch of references to ds1, however gael one of THE most memorable bosses for me and was a grand way to end the franchise)

dark souls 2 (granted i only played vanilla upon release only once and it left a bad taste in my mouth to the point that i was concerned about the state of the franchise after i finished it because while i knew the main team was working on bloodborne while this was being developed it made me wonder if id ever experience what i felt in ds1 ever again.

#answering this took me like an hour and thirty minutes lol #asks #thanks again ash!! #dank souls #soulsborne

[teaandinanity]

I cannot even tell you the degree to which it ENRAGES me that SO MANY products have gone to a ‘service model’ where you pay for ACCESS to the thing but do not at any point OWN anything at all.

#games being a 'live service' instead of a product #paying to be allowed to read a comic instead of being able to buy a pdf so you can reread again later #and all of it means they can change the TERMS of that service and lock you out whenever the whim strikes #I fucking hate it #this is a dystopian nightmare and capitalism is bullshit and I want to punch something #babble tea (blacklist this for less chatter) #this rant brought to you by a bitch wanting to read a comic and finding out it's out of print and her options are 'pay for access' #and 'piracy' #guess which of those is more appealing; it's the one that will give me long-term access without putting me at the mercy of a corporation

[blackwoolncrown]

I am literally haunted by how much it sucks that I grew up without a good foundation and how long into my life the negative affects are

they’ve gone down a bit but I still have nightmares about my parents appearing in my life and ensnaring me again

and it’s hard not to when I am subconsciously aware of them when I think of: why I left school before I finished, why my loan was more expensive than it could have been, how much hospital debt I got from PTSD, how much dental work I had to pay for bc of abuse/PTSD, why I’m having to restart a career from 0, why I was deprived of necessary early adulthood connections that so many other people had and didn’t suffer lack of....etc. I’ve been working very hard these last years building for my future and realizing...how badly my life got fucked up by being abused and having no support network.

I work basically every day amidst the crumbling of this stupid empire with this additional extra shitty history. I’m constantly working to break free of it but I feel like a bird meant to glide trying to take off from the ground: I’m quite good at flying, actually, but I’ve fallen so low it’s a struggle to catch wind.

I believe and constantly work towards self-liberation but there’s not a single problem I’m dealing with that wouldn’t be solved by more money/easier access to resources for the interim- but in the meantime all my newly built enterprises are young with small audiences and every time someone unsubscribes or the market dips AGAIN I take the hit so viscerally.

I’m just trying to catch some air.

Having to depend so much on others in late stage capitalism is traumatic- I’m just gonna name that bc for years I struggled and suffered and then pushed superhumanly hard to be highly independent bc it sucks needing support you only need because of some shit that happened to you that a lot of other people don’t understand and in the meantime you actually can’t receive the support when the people who care about you don’t have it to give.

I understand this narrative is not ideal and I’m working on a way to give it a positive resolution from an internal space it’s just really hard when I’ve been working so much for such narrow returns. I’m aware that part of this is the time I’m living in, part of it is that I started being public these endeavors fairly recently and they’ll take time to really grow.

I’m just really trying to figure out what’s realistic here, what else I could do. I generally believe in offering what you want to give and being paid for that, but getting to what I want to do costs money!

I feel like subconsciously it’s hard escape bc I’m in a kind of social debt caused by colonialism and I want back what was taken from me. Grieving it doesn’t feel like enough.

Anyway, if you enjoy my writing, presence, or supporting Black Femme organizers because of you know, the general situation, then check out my Patreon for more info on what it’s for and how you can support.

https://www.patreon.com/ThatWhich

**If you cannot make a monthly contribution but want to assist, it would be MUCH more helpful as a donation- which you can make to:

p*yp*l.me/ellipsislux or c*sh*pp: $moonseye

#it's giving me anguish that I lose a patreon pledge betwen every one I gain tbh #Like I set a goal and have not been able to make it for like 2 years #and I explain that I cannn't make content as much as I was because I"M NOT GETTING PAID TO DO IT and I hav to focus on making rent #and it's totally okay if ppl find that they can't afford it one month #i'm never mad at the people #I'm frustrated bc for every bit closer to it I get #I'm let down weeks later #I just want to do what I love but that's such a fucking privilege these days #trying to find the line between bitterness and grief #I've suffered enough and I'm tired #I'm simultaneously optimistic bc I know what I'm capable of #and pissed off bc it seems like I keep not getting the chance to do it #Universe: Please just cut me a fucking break....or a check either one it's all the same

[winecupwars]

progress report: i missed a month, oops!

august was quite a month, and it looks like september is going to be just as eventful :) 

OK - TO RECAP. since we last spoke, i:

got a nintendo switch lite!!!

got fully vaccinated!!! hooray! it’s just with sinovac but fuck, i’ll take what i can get. i also just got the flu shot, so i really hope i don’t get sick any time soon

tried (and failed) to do outfit august :( i only managed to draw the bases for five of my ocs, plus one outfit each for only two of them. it was a worthy endeavour; just one that i wasn’t up to last month

almost got tricked by a fucking phishing scam

got my qc permit at work, which means that i graduated from training and can now edit live documents

spent wayyy too much money on mugs and makeup and earrings and loose leaf tea and stickers and wall decorations on shopee

began christmas shopping hehe

shaved all my hair off again, waited a few weeks, and then bleached it all to hell

reread my thesis, cringed, then reread it again with an open mind, and found something that could be further developed :) i will elaborate in a bit

that’s all, basically! that’s the tl;dr. if you don’t mind, i am going to ramble on.

listened: my uncle bought me and my cousin a couple of mcr vinyls and i found a vinyl of bullets on shopee (which i bought, yes) so yeah it’s just been mcr nonstop for a bit, and then it was mitski, again, and then hozier, and right now, frank ocean.

i realized that listening to music on analog devices like turntables, cd players, casette players, etc, is much more... involved? listening to music like that feels like a Happening, an Event, an Action that requires your full attention, as opposed to listening on spotify or wherever, which makes the music feel more ephemeral, more like a fleeting thing that you can have in the background while you’re doing something else.

i think it’s because, with streaming, you have a vast library of music that you can access at the tap of a finger, and you can switch songs so easily. with analog, you’re on a journey with the album you’re listening to. you’re there from the first track to the last. plus, you’re limited to the albums that you’re listening to, to the albums that you have on hand. the process is more solid, somehow? more tangible. i don't know.

watched: honestly, i mostly watched hour-long video essays on youtube about the randomest shit. the one that stuck the most was the sadism of class by james somerton, which began as an analysis of painter of the night (a very very nsfw manhwa which i read just to understand what this vid was talking about) and ended as a criticism of capitalism and class struggle. it’s a good video. the manhwa’s alright, but whoo trigger warnings for sexual abuse, emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, gaslighting, etc etc.

other than that, i watched how to be a tyrant, the suicide squad (2021), and the green knight - all of which i enjoyed, to an extent. the second suicide squad was miles miles miles better than the first one and i hope it’s the start of a streak of good dc movies bc honestly i’m tired of the mcu. the green knight was... hoo boy... dev patel 😍😍😍😍😍😍! like a lot of a24 movies, it was lush, gorgeous, and fucking incomprehensible. i loved it. i might watch it again.

played: i played a bunch of games!

animal crossing - i absolutely understand why people are so obsessed with it! it’s so adorable and relaxing; it’s truly an escape from the shitstorm that is life in the philippines

hades - at first i didn’t think i would like it because it’s a rogue-like, but surprisingly, i enjoy it! the character designs are top-notch, chef’s kiss, stunning. the writing is impeccable too. and while i still haven’t escaped the underworld after about 39 tries, i’m fully having fun playing it!

i also bought vampire the masquerade: shadows of new york, which i haven’t started yet, little nightmares, which freaks me out so haven’t progressed much, and the outer worlds, which i am excited to play once i have the gaming bug

made:  i made a cream cheese tomato galette and a millionaire’s shortbread! both were pretty good. here’s some pics.

misc: ok ok ok this is what im excited about!

so since i was a creative writing major, my thesis was supposed to be a creative work, so i made a graphic novel! this was in 2015/2016. lots of shit happened while i was making it, including a pretty intense depressive episode and my advisor dropping me, but i got a flat uno (the highest grade you can get hehe) so it was all good, in the end!

my thesis was about kapitan kwek kwek, a superhero with kwek kwek powers. this guy:

he is my orange son and i love him so much. i first made a comic with him in 2014 for a class and sold it at komikon, where it sold out :) so there were people asking me about the graphic novel when i graduated. unfortunately i fell into the worst depressive episode i've ever had and all i wanted to do was die, so the kapitan kwek kwek graphic novel got shelved for years and years.

...until now!

yes yes even though there are parts of my thesis that's cringey (god, the panelling was horrendous), there's parts that are still entertaining and could be developed into something better than it was. so i'm remaking the comics and while it's still in its planning stages, i'm super super excited! i even made a twitter and an instagram and a tumblr for this project!! this is the most excited that i've been since.... well, since a long long time ago :) so i'm hype! and i hope my hype for this doesn't die down lol

#this got really really long #shh peri shhh #progress report

[adultswim2021]

Robot Chicken #16: “Atta Toy” | May 23, 2005 – 12:00AM | S01E13

Let me tell ya, brothers: I’m covered in hives my hands got all swollen. I have no idea why. My hands are less swollen now and they only hurt a little bit. But I’m in a pretty bad mood. So let’s just power through this fucking trash and get to Space Ghost, shall we?

Sketch one: “I guess the idea is a TRL girl is just like that?” that’s in quotations, because it’s literally what I wrote in my notes. It describes the sketch pretty well. Listen, because I guess TRL doesn’t exist anymore so therefore there’s probably people who have no idea what this is actually making fun of. TRL stood for Total R-slur Live or something like that, and it was MTV’s countdown show where they played videos retarded I mean requested by MTV’s viewers. The more requests a video got, the higher it traveled in the rankings. MTV’s studios overlooked Times Square in New York City, the salsa capital of the world, and teens would hang out under the window and scream, while some famous MTV personality like Jesse Camp or Alex Winter would shove microphones in teens faces so that they could shout “I AM CASEY FROM NEW BRUNSWICK AND I LOVE THE THONG SONG WOOO” in a little picture-in-picture window that appeared over the video. So this show whose whole purpose to show “most requested” music videos would routinely interrupt them with teen-aged nobodies hooting at you. Also it was very common for them to only show about half the video. Show was borderline unwatchable. Anyway, this is what that’s making fun of. What if the girls in there were just like that. Like they go home and they can’t stop screaming. That’s the joke

Then there’s an Access Hollywood thing where Pat O’Brien voices himself. It’s bad. There are like three or four little sub-sketches in here. I wrote down one where religious deities are in the Amazing Race or something? Or they’re just like there to help out contestants. Then there’s a thing where Fox fires Matt Groening, famous for doing tangible work on The Simpsons and not just cashing checks for licensing agreements, is fired from his own show so that they can turn it into right wing propaganda. This bit is focused on Apu being deported and tortured by Lindy West or whatever that Guantanamo Bay pointing woman’s name was. This is in stark contrast to where I’m certain right wingers would be on the side of the culture war desperately fighting for Apu’s right to exist and continue being voiced by a white. MAN.

I’m not exactly powering through this at all. I’m writing way too much like usual. Let’s move on.

There’s a sketch about a bird teaching their child bird to shit on people, and teaching it how to chose it’s target carefully for maximum effectiveness. I guess this is the “good” sketch of the night? I still didn’t like it that much, but I give it points.

There’s running gags that I guess I should mention, one involves poking plot holes into King Kong and another shows a robot humping a dryer as it runs.

The last thing is that it’s The Smurfs “but there’s a freaking MURDER”, again putting my original notes in quotations. I wrote this before it dawned on me that it was a Seven parody. I guess there are some somewhat clever jokes in here. Most notable to me was how much Gargamel looked like shit in this. I remember them doing other Smurf sketches and they and they had a much more cartoon-accurate Gargamel. Here it’s just a guy.

Well, I watched it. What do you fucking want from me.

Space Ghost Coast to Coast: “President's Day Nightmare” | February 20, 1995 | Special

Hey! It’s the disowned episode of Space Ghost! This was a 30 minute special that was originally simulcast on TNT, TBS, and the Cartoon Network. It was a big promo for Cartoon Network’s What a Cartoon! series, which a lot of Cartoon Network originals spun off from. The show usually had three cartoon shorts by different creators, and the ones that did well (however one would define that) would turn into regular series. This special includes pre-series clips of Johnny Bravo, Dexter’s Laboratory, and Powerpuff Girls. This show features interviews of the creators of said shorts, as well as two other dudes with cartoons that didn’t nearly fare so well. Did they go on to do bigger and better things? Who knows? I decided to cut to the chase and just google their names with the phrase “sexual assault”, and nothing came up, so that’s good.

One thing I should have mentioned for the Christmas episode, instead of obsessing over the possibility of an incorrect air date: I believe that was the debut of full-retard Brak. He’s in this one too. I guess that’s significant. I fucked up!

I really like this episode, and always felt at odds with the creators’ non-enjoyment of it. I guess they were resentful of the fact that they were forced to do a cross-promotional stunty special like this. But it’s not a bad episode by any means. Towards the middle, though, I could kinda sense that the writing felt a little rushed; for the first time Space Ghost is actually beholden to guests with a promotional interest. They couldn’t just defiantly cut around Adam West holding up the jacket to his book. They couldn’t go fully creative. And they had to show clips and a full cartoon at the end of it, to boot. I guess I can see how that would be annoying! But the front part of the episode has plenty of bits that I remember fondly, with quotes that I can recall as though this were any classic episode of Space Ghost. So my hats off to the writers because this episode turned out good.

This episode exists in several versions. First there’s the original premiere version, which includes an announcement from Don Kennedy that the show is also being simulcast on the other Turner networks. Don would go on to voice Tansit, who is in this episode with a different voice and personality. Then there’s the most common version, probably, which is like the premiere edition but with the simulcast line cut out. I THINK Adult Swim once aired the original version as part of the Space Ghost Bootleggers Marathon. This seems to be the version on HBO Plus.

Then there’s a “director’s cut” version released as an extra on the Volume 3 DVD. It excises the cartoon clips and the Powerpuff Girls short and includes some extra footage with Dian Parkinson. This is actually a pretty good watch, though purists might miss the cartoons. I’ve always sorta wanted to cut together a composite version that has absolutely everything included.

The last version is included on one of the Powerpuff Girls DVDs, and from what I remember it’s like the broadcast version (I don’t remember if the simulcast line is in there or not), but I think it’s missing the end credits. It’s mastered in such a way that you can view the Powerpuff Girls short as a standalone short or with the Space Ghost portion tacked onto the front of it.

MAIL BAG

If u have a woman in your life: shout em out. Shout them out loud right here. Let them know you love them. Let them know that this little vanity TV blog don't mean shit like her warm embrace. Tell that bitch she's yours from 2022 and beyond. Peace.

If my wife is reading this:

AAAAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

#space ghost coast to coast #robot chicken #adult swim #adultswim2021

[onebizarrekai]

Meme Waker: That Final Thing

okay aight here we go here’s the big idea compilation you’ve all been waiting for or something like that

since I’ve finally accepted meme waker’s inevitable fate, I’ll share what I’ve had laying around about it. prepare yourself for a wild ride.

first of all, what existed of the planned character key:

Nightmare = Link Dream = Aryll Cross = Tetra Ink = The Entire Pirate Crew Granny Gertrude = Grandma Horror = Quill Killer = Medli Color = Komali Dust = Makar XGaster = Tingle (yes, you read that right) Fresh = Fado (?) Geno = Laruto Blueberry = Niko Error = Ganondorf Giant Flying Chicken = Helmaroc King Core Frisk = The King XChara = Zelda

So XChara was going to fill the role of Zelda–basically, what was going to happen was that when Cross and Nightmare reached sunken Hyrule, which was replaced by the Omega Timeline, they encountered Core Frisk and with their magical Core Frisk powers that apparently exist, separated XChara from Cross’s body. Because Error was hunting him down for whatever villainous reasons (I dunno, maybe he wanted to find Overwrite or something), XChara was going to spend the near remainder of the comic hiding in the Omega Timeline from Error. It was a pretty neat reference to the fact that Error doesn’t know where the OT is.

Unsurprisingly, considering when I was working on this, Nightmare and Cross may have eventually started dating. They were going to kiss during a fight that involved them accidentally rolling down a hill and then likely spend the remainder of the comic referring to each other as boyfriends, with no further indication of romance between them. I never really mentally decided whether I was actually going to incorporate this or not.

In moments where someone needed to present a musical instrument, Cross was going to play a keytar.

There is a very high chance that the entire comic was going to end up being an elaborate prank set up by Ink and Error.

After being rescued from the Forsaken Fortress, Dream was going to get crossbows and… I dunno, maybe be useful with them sometimes. One consideration was that he was going to complain about being stuck in a glorified retirement home and request joining the party.

Nightmare was going to have a fake ID with the name “Nathaniel Meyer” on it.

When Nightmare eventually pulled up the Gaster Sword, he was basically going to do a magical girl transformation and get a new outfit. I was considering holding a contest where people would submit new designs for Nightmare before I realized that I may have wanted to do it myself. Meanwhile, Cross’s design change at the same time was going to pertain to the fact that he had such a hard time with his uniform that he just wanted to start wearing normal clothes.

When XChara was separated from Cross, it would indicate that Cross can’t use the hack knife anymore, so I had to think of a new weapon for him. I considered giving him arm mounts with knives in them for no reason other than being extra, but I was probably just going to end up going with a regular sword.

Nightmare and Cross were going to be mistaken for missionaries at some point due to Nightmare introducing Cross as his ‘companion’.

Nightmare’s fake ID is actually a driver’s license. Cross questions how he could get one when he’s only fifteen, and Nightmare responds with “what can I say? I live in the country.”

The Giant Flying Chicken was going to evolve into the Cyborg Giant Flying Chicken before Nightmare and Cross fought it. It was already a robot, but someone decided it would be fun to make it look more robotic for some reason. Maybe too many people tried to eat it.

Because Blueberry was going to replace Niko, that meant there was going to be a form of challenge that he would present to Nightmare and/or Cross. They were probably just going to play Dance Dance Revolution.

The dress that Granny Gertrude gave Nightmare was actually going to be infused with magical powers. Either Nightmare could only access the power of the Triforce when he’s wearing the dress, or it was going to be a piece of equipment that turned his sword into a fire sword.

Nightmare was going to come back to the Village of Old People to see that his grandmother had conquered it with capitalism.

Dragon Roost Cavern was going to be replaced with a Pokemon gym.

When Nightmare supposedly kicked Error’s ass at the end of the story, he was going to say something along the lines of “Because fuck you!” and it would be the first and only f-bomb in the whole comic. Nightmare would proceed to say that it was the first time he’d ever said fuck and that he felt dirty.

The Triforce of Courage was just going to be called the Triforce of Porridge for exactly zero reason.

Some incarnation of Buffmare was going to exist in the comic, but only in a sequence taking place in Nightmare’s imagination.

When Cross realized his backpack was missing, it was because I realized his backpack was missing. I forgot to draw it. I decided that the backpack actually fused with him to create a Zelda-style magic pocket.

Nightmare was going to try to control a seagull with the command melody, but he was accidentally going to start controlling Cross instead and make him run into a tree.

The Tree Spirit was going to hold official interviews for placeholder guardians in Dream and Nightmare’s absence. These placeholder guardians were going to be Neil, the overenthusiastic French furry, and Ccino, the local emo kid who is absolutely done with everyone’s bullshit, and exclusively because they were the only ones who applied for the job. Neil was going to have an ulterior motive of becoming Gaston’s successor.

Neil and Ccino were eventually going to ‘get together’, if you can even call it that, and for no other reason than shitpost reasons.

Nightmare may have had a showdown with the Giant Flying Chicken while riding the Great Charizard from Dragon Roost.

Another possible concept for whole story was that it was a bad self insert fic written by a younger version of Nightmare, but it’s really unlikely that I would’ve gone through with that.

Nightmare and Cross may have needed to go on a fetch quest to find Ink’s brush in the ocean because they accidentally lost it, but honestly that would’ve served nothing for the progression of the story. Because XGaster put a tracker on Ink’s brush, they were going to have to enlist his help.

and that about wraps up my notes, now let me throw what I had sitting around of a script draft–reading this was a trip because I forgot that literally 60% of it existed:

(inside the mountain)

Cross: holy shoe, EVERYONE has wings? how is this a thing??

Cross: I’m frickin jealous

Chief: Oh. You must be. Those guys.

Horror: yeah man, I enlisted their help to capture the Chicken Terror, but then they were all like yo, it’s a robot!


Chief: horror robot or not I told you that we weren’t going to capture the chicken terror for food because we’re not cannibals we don’t eat birds

Horror: but

Horror: we’re hardly even birds!

Chief: you know your job Horror. now get back to work. your actual work.

Horror: But… being the mailman sucks!


Chief: Do I need to confiscate your axe again?


Horror: OKAY FINE. I’M GOING. (flies away in a huff)

Chief: AND DO YOUR GODFORSAKEN LAUNDRY!

Chief: I apologize for that… so, how can I help you two today?


Nightmare: You guys have like, some pearl thing or something? We need to like, collect three of them in order to… save the multiverse… or something like that.

(Camera dramatically darkens.)

Chief: It’s just as the prophecy foretold…

Nightmare: oh god what

Chief: You see, young whippersnappers… legend tells of a great hero that would rise up and save a bunch of people in times of desperation that they don’t even realize are desperate. the great hero would travel far and wide in search of the Pearls of Shiny to finally retrieve a great weapon that he would use to strike down the evil that few knew existed. also the hero would have a sidekick wearing stupid clothes.

Cross: EXCUSE ME

Chief: THAT’S JUST WHAT THE PROPHECY SAID

Nightmare: okay, y’know, I’m just gonna roll with it. where can I get the pearl?

Chief: Well… that’s where the hard part comes in. You see, the pearl belongs to my son… but he’s been acting like an edgy teenager lately.

Nightmare: Great…

Cross: Is there a reason he’s being edgy? Maybe there’s something we can do to appease his hormones.

Cross: Free food works like a charm for me.

Chief: No, it’s more complicated than that. When one of our people becomes of age, they climb to the top of Charizard Island to receive a scale from the Great Charizard that will allow them to grow wings.

Nightmare: the… great charizard.

Chief: But lately, the Great Charizard has been throwing inexplicable temper tantrums. No one can get close to him anymore. And with my son being of age, he’s decently pissed off about this.

Chief: We’re thinking that the Great Charizard is displeased about something, and it is also causing our shortage of food.

Nightmare: Wait, you worship something named after a Pokemon?


Chief: Anyway, perhaps you two will be able to talk some sense into my son. Maybe he just wants to talk to someone his age that isn’t Horror or Killer.

Nightmare: What kind of names are those?


Chief: There’s a letter that I wanted my son to read, and I’ve given it to Killer to hold onto. You can go get it from him upstairs in the first room near the stairs, just tell him I sent you. He’s the little guy in the short shorts, you’ll probably recognize him when you see him.

Nightmare: Can’t you just call him here?


Chief: No, it is of upmost importance that you experience a basic fetch quest in order to become a great hero, because those fetch quests will become needlessly complicated before you even realize it.

Nightmare: ?????

Nightmare: I can’t even tell if you’re joking or not–

Cross: dude let’s just go get the letter

(scene transition)

(Killer dramatically turns around and it zooms in and says his name SSB style)

Nightmare: Wait, why do you get a dramatic introduction?


Killer: Dayum. New faces.

Nightmare: Why is everyone ignoring my questions??

Killer: (needlessly sensual voice) So, what brings you here? (walking closer)


Nightmare: (backs into wall) NO BUENO

Cross: You have a letter or something?


Killer: Oh. Yeah. Chief gave it to me for some reason. Yo, catch.

(He chucks it like a ninja star. Cross catches it between his hands in front of his face.)


Killer: Ey! You actually caught it!


Cross: I’m a trained ninja.

Killer: So like, who are you guys?

Cross: I’m Cross. He’s Larry.

Nightmare: NIGHTMARE. MY NAME IS NIGHTMARE.

Killer: Aw man, I know the feel of having a really lame name and wanting one that’s cooler.

Nightmare: No. Like. My name is actually Nightmare. My senile grandma called me Larry earlier today and this loser picked up on it.

Killer: There’s no need to lie. I understand.

Nightmare: I’M NOT LYING!

Killer: anyway make sure you get that letter to Color there’s something I have to do–

(Killer zips out the door behind them.)


Cross: what even the frick?


Nightmare: that guy freaks me the frick out.

Nightmare: literally. I felt like he was coming onto me.

Cross: you’re imagining things.

(SCENE TRANSITION)
 Cross: all right Nightmare I literally do not trust your ability to communicate with another person in a way that will make them feel inclined to give us something so just let me handle this okay

Cross: okay better yet wait outside the room

(Nightmare makes a less than amused face.)


Cross: it’s for the greater good

(Cross walks into the room.)

Cross: hi my name is Cross and

Color: LEAVE

(Cross immediately exits the room.)

Cross: this is a lost causeNightmare: what

Cross: go make him bleed with your words

Nightmare: dude isn’t this the part where we give him the frickin letter

Cross: (pauses) :o

Cross: OH RIGHT

(Cross takes the letter and goes back into the room, leaving the door open)

Cross: oh yeah this letter is for you it’s from your dad or something

Color: Oh, wow. Can’t even be bothered to talk to me in person.

Color: Give me that thing.

(Color stares at the letter. It’s actually a letter from Killer filled with really bad pickup lines and other really creepy compliments.)

Color: What the hell, you said this was from my dad!

Cross: We thought it was–??

(Killer teleports in behind them, scaring the shit out of Nightmare)


Killer: Suuuup~

Color: Killer I swear to god.

Killer: Here’s the actual letter, though you might not be happy with it.

(He flings it at Color and it lands in front of him. He reads it over, rolls his eyes and throws it in the trash.)

Cross: So uh… I don’t know what the letter says but apparently we’re prophesied heroes collecting a bunch of pearls to save the multiverse and the pearl you have is–


Color: Can everyone just get out of my room already?

(everyone just leaves)

Nightmare: What even was the point of that stupid fetch quest?

Killer: Oh yeah, can you guys help me with something? Just a smalllll favor. And I can’t ask anyone else because I’m not supposed to do it.

Killer: I need some strong, reliable people…

Nightmare: Don’t touch me.

Killer: It’s just a small favor! And I mean actually small, it’ll take like two minutes.

Nightmare: I have doubts about this.

Killer: Great! Meet me out back by the spring.

Nightmare: Wait which side is the back–

(Killer is gone)

Nightmare: Cross which side is the back.

Cross: I don’t know??

(after spending twenty minutes going through the various exits trying to figure out how to get there)

Killer: What the hell took you so long.

Nightmare: Directions would’ve been helpful. There wasn’t even a freaking map anywhere in there!

Killer: The hollow is like the size of a middle class house! How difficult could it be to find out where to go?!

Nightmare: IT’S A DOME THERE IS NO BACK

Cross: OKAY, what matters is that we’re here, what the heck do we do now.

Killer: Okay, okay. (steps backwards) Look, if you look around here, it’s all a dried up spring. The Great Charizard was throwing a tantrum, a boulder fell down and it coincidentally plugged up the spring for the third time this week, which is literally our main source of fresh water. I’m honestly getting sick of this so I’m going to climb the mountain and see what’s going on because everyone else is too scared to do it.

Nightmare: God. You’re not gonna make us go with you, are you?


Killer: Oh, no way. I just need you to throw me up that cliff over there so I can get into the cavern that leads up the mountain.

Nightmare: Can’t you fly?

Killer: Not thirty feet straight up. Do these noodle arms look like they can manage that?


Nightmare: Whatever. But quick question. How the hell does one throw a person.

Killer: I weigh like fifty pounds. It shouldn’t be that hard. Also, if you’ve noticed, the wind is rapidly changing directions, so you’ll probably have the best effect throwing me when the wind is blowing that way.

Nightmare: Mhmm. Sure. Let’s just get this over with.

(Nightmare crouches down and Killer fuckin walks onto his shoulders)

Nightmare: Hey! Watch it!

(some way or another he throws Killer and Killer barely makes it to the cliff, face planting into the ground)

Nightmare: Well I guess that worked.

Killer: THAT WAS TERRIBLE!

Nightmare: YOU’RE WELCOME! COULD’VE JUST USED A DAMN LADDER!

Killer: NOBODY OWNS A LADDER HERE BECAUSE EVERYONE CAN FLY!

Nightmare: Then how the frick do people get up this cliff?!

Killer: THERE’S NORMALLY A BRIDGE BUT IT BROKE AND PROBLEMS LIKE THESE ARE PRECISELY WHY I’M CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN TO BEGIN WITH! ALSO I’M LEAVING BYE. (turns and leaves)

(cricket cricket)

Cross: Nightmare we should probably follow him.

Nightmare: No.

Cross: What else do we have to do. We solve their problem, Color can get his wings and then he stops being emo and gives us the pearl out of the goodness of his heart.

Nightmare: I’m not risking my life for this! If that guy is willing to do it himself I’m going to let him do it!

Cross: Dude, look at that guy. He looks about at capable fixing whatever the problem is as Ink is at providing emotional support. If this happens to be anything like a video game, we’re the only ones capable of solving anything. Besides, what else are we supposed to do? Hang around and wait for something to happen?

Nightmare: All right, fine. But how are we supposed to do something? It’s not like we can climb up a thirty foot cliff.

Cross: No, but we can swim, right?Nightmare: What?

(Cross draws a line around the rock covering the spring. It dematerializes into red squares and water starts to spew out of the spring. They both run back towards the side and climb up the cliff they came from)

Nightmare: Dude, what the hell was that?

Cross: I can draw lines around things with my sword and they do that and go away.

Nightmare: … do they go somewhere?


Cross: I dunno.

(Meanwhile in Xtale, a boulder slams into the floor and almost crushes Fresh because of course he’s there)

(The spring fills up)


Nightmare: You know I’m starting to have second thoughts about this swimming thing seeing as how I’ve never actually–(Cross kicks him into the water)


(LATER)


Nightmare: YOU ASSHOLE I ALMOST DROWNED

Cross: You’re exaggerating.

Random Dude: STOP RIGHT THERE!


Nightmare: who.

Random Dude: YOU AREN’T GOIN ONE STEP PAST THIS POINT! YOU’RE LIGHT YEARS FROM FACING BROCK!

(nightmare squints)

(comic suddenly goes into a battle sequence)

Nightmare: whoa whoa what the hell is happening

Cross: oh my god it’s pokemon NIGHTMARE IT’S POKEMON

Nightmare: I DON’T HAVE ANY POKEMON CROSS THREATEN HIM

(Random Dude sent out MEWTWO)

Cross: DEAR GOD

Cross: LISTEN THERE’S A HUGE MISUNDERSTANDING WE’RE NOT TRAINERS WE DON’T HAVE POKEMON

Random Dude: tHEN WHY ARE YOU IN A POKEMON GYM HUH

Cross: Uh… touring?

Random Dude: OH

Random Dude: I SEE

(The Random Dude returns his Mewtwo.)

Random Dude: THERE HAS BEEN AN UNFORTUNATE MISUNDERSTANDING

Cross: Say uh, you didn’t happen to see a scrawny dude with wings pass through here, did you?

Random Dude: Oh yeah, he went into the next room and took the elevator to the top.

(silence)


Nightmare: Why are there always elevators.

(two seconds later, they reach the elevator and there’s a dude standing in front of it)


Nightmare: um excuse me we need to use the elevator

Dude: oh man I can’t find my glasses anywhere what do I do

Nightmare: excuse me I said move

Dude: oh man I can’t find my glasses anywhere what do I do

Nightmare: HELLO

Dude: oh man I can’t find my glasses anywhere what do I do

Nightmare: MOVE ASSHOLE

Cross: I think it’s a preprogrammed NPC.

Nightmare: UAGGGGHHHHH

(Nightmare throws himself into the person, but he slams into the STEEL WALL OF NPC)

Nightmare: CROSS TELEPORT HIM AWAY

Cross: wait are you serious what if that freakin kills him I don’t know where these things go

Nightmare: YOU SAID IT YOURSELF HE’S AN NPC

(Cross shrugs. He draws a line around the NPC and the NPC disappears)

(one elevator ride later)

Nightmare: (chokes) oh god

Nightmare: the altitude

Cross: nightmare this island is still lower than ink’s house.

Nightmare: PSYCHOLOGICAL ALTITUDE

(fwip)

Cross: Oh look, it’s that guy from earlier.

Nightmare: Got captured somehow. Why am I not surprised?

Killer: YOU KNOW WHAT SCREW YOU GUYS

(A really buff guy abruptly slams into the ground)

Buff Guy: FEAR MY WRATH, FOR I AM BROCK! LEADER OF ALL THINGS ROCK HARD

Nightmare: Look man, we really don’t have time for this, just let the shota hoe go, we’re just checking up on the huge-ass Charizard up there.

Killer: excuse me

Brock: I AM THE LOYAL GUARDIAN OF THE GREAT CHARIZARD! You can only pass if you defeat me!


Cross: what the hell is even happening anymore

(Loud gym battle music as the gate at the entrance of the clearing slams shut)

Nightmare: LOOK WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS WE DON’T HAVE ANY POKEMON

(Brock war cries as he sends out a very anime geodude)

Nightmare: can someone please tell me I’m hallucinating all of this

Brock: WELL, IF YOU DON’T HAVE POKEMON, YOU’LL HAVE TO USE A RENTAL

Cross: What? But rental pokemon always suck.

Brock: YOU MUST PROVE YOUR WORTH SOMEHOW! AND BECAUSE YOU’RE SMALL CHILDREN YOU OBVIOUSLY CAN’T PROVE IT THROUGH SUMO WRESTLING.

Nightmare: I’m fifteen!

Cross: Nightmare I think you’re missing the point.

Killer: Good god, just let them through and let me out of here, they’re the heroes of prophecy.

Brock: PROPHECY

Brock: GOODNESS ME I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT

(Brock returns his geodude)

Brock: YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING

Nightmare: That would have worked?

Brock: BUT! IF YOU WANT TO FREE THIS TINY FELLOW HERE, YOU MUST COMPLETE A DIFFERENT CHALLENGE! FOR YOU SEE, HE TRIED TO PASS THROUGH HERE WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION!


(Killer rolls his eyes. Nightmare squints, literally pulling a notebook out of his shirt. He writes something in it, walking up to Brock and holding it up. It says “Let the guy out of jail you dick”)

Brock: AHA

Brock: WELL

Brock: I CAN’T ARGUE WITH THAT

(He stomps his foot on the ground and the bars in front of Killer go up)

Brock: DON’T BE CAUSING TROUBLE NOW KIDS


(He ascends back into the sky)


Cross: I’m not even going to ask. That entire conversation felt like a drug trip.

(Killer dramatically throws himself onto Nightmare)


Killer: I knew you would come around, my knight in–

Nightmare: Why did I assume that you had become any less creepy in the last ten minutes. Why did I even do that?


Killer: Because your heart told you to.

Nightmare: Dear god stop touching me or I will literally pick you up and slam you into the floor.

Killer: Feisty. Anyway, I figured out why the Great Charizard is freaking out all the time. His tail is hanging down into the room below him and something is chewing on it like all the time.

Cross: What? Then why doesn’t it just, I dunno, pull its freaking tail out of the room like a reasonable creature? Or maybe take care of the problem on its own?

Killer: The Great Charizard is like a five year-old. It’s self aware, but it expects all of its problems to be solved by everyone else and throws tantrums when that doesn’t happen.

Nightmare: Well that’s stupid. Why does everyone act like it’s some holy being then?

Killer: Because it’s a massive, terrifying dragon that can breathe fire?

ok unfortunately this is where the script ends but I hope you enjoyed that

oh yeah, and some extremely old art that I found:

as well as a brief consideration to make the characters human before deciding that I just didn’t want to work on the comic anymore.

basically you will notice that most of this doesn’t have a solid outline, and you’d be right: I never actually planned it that meticulously. I mostly just winged it and threw stuff in over the course of time and never even really planned anything close to a definitive ending beyond “maybe it was a prank”. sorry if this is like… anticlimactic, but it’s all I could find!

#meme waker #long post

[louiseleblancdiggory]

Once Upon a December

Chapter 1: A Song Someone Sings

A/N: I can’t believe that there are people that are actually interested in this... I hope it’s not a complete hot garbage. I had to change some aspects to fit all characters and their personalities but I hope you guys like it!

Prologue // chapter 2

---

“Are you fucking shitting me?”

The slap came only a few seconds later, stinging her left cheek and undoubtedly leaving a reddish mark. Shit shit shit.

Clarisse’s rule number one: no fucking swearing, especially at her.

It was one of the rules that mostly got Lin in trouble, causing the orphanage’s master to leave a series of bruises throughout her body during the ten years she lived in that hellhole. Minor swearings usually earned her slaps or pinches, and if she continued to say them afterwards, Lin would probably receive a full beating. It was absolutely miserable.

Until the year before, however, she wouldn’t be receiving those slaps alone. Until a year before, if Lin was swearing from the top of her lungs, Lysandra was definitely there with her, saying things just as filthy. Sometimes they would get caught, but sometimes not even Clarisse could find them when they sneaked off the orphanage to steal alcohol from the market and then went to a rooftop to drink their asses off. 

Lysandra. Remembering her name, her existence was the only thing stopping Lin from finally lashing out against the orphanage’s master. She needed help and information that only Clarisse or Arobynn would possess, and she was smart enough to know that Clarisse would always be the better alternative.

Even if being pleasant to the woman who made her life hell for ten years made her blood boil.

“Pardon me, Clarisse. I wasn’t swearing at you, it’s just that you caught me by surprise.” It was an understatement. What Clarisse had said completely shattered her plans and hopes. Her throat tightened and her vision started to unfocus. Shit shit shit. “Could you repeat it? Please.”

“I could not care less why you did so.” She spat out, and one of the kids that was coming down the stairs took one glance at the two women standing by the door, at Clarisse’s tone and wisely went back up. “You are finally eighteen, you are not the orphanage’s problem anymore. Just as Lysandra has not been our problem for almost a year now. I will repeat what I have already said: Lysandra was taken to Inish a year ago, and as we do not keep tabs on the adopted children, we do not know if she is still there.”

Lin had to hold her snort and sarcastic remark. Adopted. Clarisse said adopted as if Lysandra had found a beautiful family to sit by the fire during Yulemas and drink hot cocoa, but both women knew for a fact that what had happened to Lysandra had been more of a buying than an adoption. Her blood only boiled hotter, her hand itching to hit the woman across the face.

“And what I said about the railroads and regular roads is true. Adarlan has cut off relations with Fenharrow and Melisande as a political strategy or something like that, I honestly do not care. They will most likely be opened again in a few weeks or months, but currently you are incapable of traveling straight from Rifthold to Inish. Crossing the border on your own is suicide and you will get caught, girl, so do not do anything stupid.” As Clarisse pronounced the last words, she opened the door and the fresh summer air swept in, causing Lin’s golden braid to whip around a bit. “This is my last warning and piece of advice. Now leave, you are not a child here anymore, Lin Sirota.”

Lin clenched her jaw, grabbing her little sack of belongings and walking right out of the door. She raised her chin as she passed Clarisse, and kept it raised as she crossed the orphanage’s iron gates, and kept it raised as she did not look back at the place that had treated her like shit for the entirety of her teenage years. But even as she felt the relief of finally leaving that place, of not being chained to Clarisse and Arobynn anymore, she could not help but feel the weight of her new life crushing her.

She was homeless. Poor, having only the money that should supposedly be used to buy one ticket to Inish. She had no connections, no family and nowhere to go.

-------------------------------

She went to the docks that same day. She went to the taverns in which she knew the riders would be. She went to the railroad offices. All answers had been the same: we do not want to risk Adarlan’s wrath by crossing the border to Fenharrow or Melisande, even for the money you are offering or because of your pretty face. In all three places, she put an extra effort into masquerading her accent. It was widely known that immigrants were not welcomed in Adarlan, especially in its capital. In all three places she put on smiles and adjusted her braids, hoping to look just like an innocent girl who needed a ride. Nothing worked.

Lin was tempted to start crying when she sat down in a bench just outside the railroad office. She used to do that a lot once she arrived in the orphanage. Lin had been eight, and terrified of her own shadow. She had cried when she realized that she could not remember anything from her past, all memories just a thick black canvas in her mind. She only knew she was from Terrasen due to her extremely heavy accent, which also pointed to the fact that she must have grown up in the northern part of the kingdom. It wasn’t unusual for kids of Terrasen to end up in orphanages after the kingdom was seized during a winter night. The memory loss, however, had been a rarity. The only moments that Lin got close to remembering anything was during her nightmares, but once she woke up all the information that the bad dreams contained just turned into ash. It was like being trapped into an iron box inside your own mind. Sometimes Lin would curse the new Terrasen’s conqueror, as if the new queen herself had put her in that coffin. Lin did not even know her real name, had just been given a commoners name and that had been that.

She could feel the thick tears swelling in her eyes, but she refused to let them drop. She hadn’t cried in a long while, and it would not help her right then. She needed to think and be smart. She needed a new plan, a new route and a way to get to Lysandra and save her the same way her friend had saved Lin ten years ago when she was drowning in fear and despair.

That had been two weeks ago.

Lin was now seated at the rooftop of a shabby old house by the central square in Orynth, taking a swig of cheap vodka. She had decided that since she could not go straight from Adarlan to Melisande, she would need to take the long way. Terrasen’s relations with Adarlan were stable enough that the borders hadn’t been closed, so instead of buying a ticket to Inish, she bough one to Orynth. The city had a series of extensive railroads, a particular one that would take you through the Wastes on the west side of the continent and then straight into Melisande. That’s the train she would need to catch once she gathered the absurd amount of money she would need to buy the ticket and food for the next weeks unless she wanted to starve.

She had gotten two copper coins today and a bottle of Terrasenian vodka, all stolen. She had to admit, it was a new low point even for her.

She watched the people come and go, all of them wearing clothes as shabby as the house she was on top of. Orynth, the City of Learning, had once been booming with life, a beacon to all of those who wished a better life. Its people lived in peace and harmony, and even the slums were better than some Adarlanian cities. Once the kingdom was conquered, however, everything had changed. The new queen had raised taxes so much that even most of the city’s elite became poor, and most of the population had to give up everything they had to not suffer under the queen’s wrath. Access to libraries and theaters was limited only for the new nobility and officials, very few merchants also allowed. There were curfews and censorship, laws prohibiting people from even speaking the name of the old rulers. A city that was once beautiful was now a ghost town, much like the rest of the kingdom.

Not that Lin would be able to know the difference between now and then. She did not remember ever being here, but she had read in books. Part of her wanted to wander around, maybe try to awake old memories in case she did indeed come from Orynth, but she decided against it. It must be an unimaginable pain to remember a beautiful past just to realize it had been ripped away from you.

A silver flash caught her eye. She looked up at one of the cathedral towers at the other side of the central square, narrowing her eyes at one of the windows where she had seen the movement. It was a darker shade of silver, so it couldn’t have been lightning or even a trick of light. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she felt an incessant pulse. She stared at the window for a few more minutes before shaking her head and rubbing her eyes. She was going insane. Running low on food and sleep and then getting drunk, she was probably on the edge of actual insanity and now her mind was playing tricks at her. Sighing, Lin slowly eased from the rooftop and into the colorless streets. She would need a place to stay tonight, especially if the summer rains in Orynth were as strong as people said they were.

Lin wandered around a bit, her eyes always involuntarily going back to the cathedral. She mindlessly walked all the way to the old castle. It seemed like it was once beautiful, all built from marble and quartz, the towers so high that it seemed that you could touch the clouds from there. But once the new queen decided to build her new castle with the money she tore from the people, this castle had been left alone, vacant. It looked more like a mausoleum than anything.

It could have been a crypt if not for the whimpers she heard coming from one of the sealed doors. Against her best judgment, Lin walked closer and closer to the castle, the pulse in the back of her head as strong as it had been when she looked at the cathedral. She should go back, find some alley to spend the night. She was currently drunk, alone and unarmed. She was a fucking walking target and she should know better. Maybe the whimpers weren’t even true, just another sign of her madness just like the silver flash.

Sighing, she stopped in front of the wood panel covering one of the doors. From up close, it looked more like a window that had probably been shattered and then covered with wood.

Lin was about to go back, snorting at herself when the wood panel moved and another whimper sounded. Maybe she was just imagining things again.

Although you are probably a godsdamned idiot, you are not that crazy yet.

Setting the bottle down, she approached the panel until she could glance around it. It was thicker than she imagined, and when she bent down to try to look inside the castle, something moved, brushing her fingers. Lin yelped and fell right on her ass, staring wide eyed at the dirty golden tail waggling. Only the tail was on the outside, as if the animal had been entering the castle the moment the wood panel closed again. She looked around, realizing that there were new screws and a hammer on the floor. Someone had purposefully let the little animal stuck. Had personally closed the wood panel again. Her blood was boiling and she was half tempted to hunt that person down and pin them to a wall with those same screws.

Instead, she grabbed the hammer and carefully opened the wood panel. Lin hoped there weren’t any screws directly into the animal’s— most likely a dog— tail. After what seemed an eternity, the lower part of the panel gave away and the dog sprinted forward, going deeper into the castle.

“Fuck. Wait! Hey puppy, come here. Let me check your tail to see if you’re hurt.” She called after the pup, grabbing the vodka bottle from the floor and half entering the castle in all fours. “Hey, come here!”

She groaned and entered a little bit more.

You are broke, drunk, most likely crazy and in the other side of the continent from your destination. What’s a little breaking and entering into an abandoned castle?

Grunting, Lin fully crawled into the castle.

If it looked like a mausoleum from the outside, it was worse on the inside. It wasn’t only the appearance, but the feeling. Everyone knew what had happened ten years ago, and it seemed as if death and despair decided to make this their home. Lin took a step forward, her boots sounding way too loud in the empty entrance. Tables had been turned, vases had been broken and sofas had been ripped apart. Trash littered the floors, and the only source of light was whatever could enter through the holes in the wood panels covering the windows and doors. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes and, despite the terrible condition of the castle, something eased in her chest.

Lin’s eyes snapped open when she heard the dog’s steps from another room in the palace. She started jogging after it, whistling in the hope that the dog would come in her direction. It led her up and down stairs, through corridors. The palace was a maze, and she navigated it as if she knew the way like she knew the palm of her hand.

She finally caught up with the dog when they entered a ballroom. The destruction in this room had been worse than in any other, and even as Lin bent down to pick up the puppy, her eyes could not leave the dance floor, the destroyed thrones, the blood stains in the walls and floor. No one had bothered to clean up, it seemed.

The pulse in the back of her mind became almost unbearable for a few seconds, until it was transformed into a lullaby that she knew in her heart she had heard before, even if she could not recall where. Her eyes became blurry, colors that were not there a minute ago appearing. It was like watching from inside a glass box splashed with oil paint. The colors were vivid, moving around in the rhythm of the lullaby that was so loud in her mind now that there could have been an orchestra by her side. The oil paint figures were dancing, she realized with awe. They were misty figures sweeping around a destroyed ballroom floor according to a song long forgotten by her.

It was like a real party, one that had happened so long ago that blurry memories were everything she could invoke when thinking of it, but the feeling of being home, the beating of her heart along with the music were reborn that moment.

She took a step forward, as if in a daze. As if she could go to the dance floor and sweep around with her eyes closed to the destruction and her mind providing the music. As if she could join those fake memories, go to a better place where she did not know pain of hunger or despair.

She might have done just that, if she hadn’t caught the movement of three figures from the left side of her eye. Immediately the colors disappeared, the lullaby becoming an incessant pulse once more. Her heart rate picked up, and she held the dog closer to her.

Lin turned to the three figures, all of them unbelievably tall, muscular and with their faces hidden by cloaks and shadows. She took a fighting stance, her eyes narrowing and cocking her head. She could swear one of them smiled.

“So what do we have here?” A male voice straight from Hellas’s realm spoke.

From behind her.

There are more.

Fucking stupid.

Shit shit shit.

I’m going to die.

It was all Lin could think as she hardened her grip on the cheap vodka bottle and swinged back, hitting the male behind her straight across the face. He and his companions-- the three she had first seen and other two flanking his side-- were shocked enough by her reaction that they froze. 

Although her stupidity was obviously arguable, she certainly did not have a death wish, so instead of fighting her way out, Lin took their seconds of hesitation and used to her advantage.

She ran as if Hellas was trying to fucking murder her.

It took only seconds for them to recompose themselves before they started running after her. Lin tightened her grip on the dog who was thankfully quiet and obedient. If she got to the wood panel she came from, she could crawl out and they would still be inside. They were too big to follow her through that hole, even though she had the feeling that they could easily knock the wood panel down if they wished.

Please, Lin pleaded to Mala for the first time since she could remember, give me protection. Please, please, please.

The last please sounded inside her mind when she felt a hand around her elbow. She was instantly against a man’s chest, and then before she could blink she felt the cold floor against her back. All the air whooshed out of her, her grip on the bottle and dog faltering. The little pup got up and started growling in the direction of the five men now watching Lin, the one that had stopped her still behind her. 

They were going to kill her, and then probably the dog.

At least she could take some comfort in knowing that it couldn’t get worse.

But then a deep male voice chuckled from the shadows behind her.

Tags:

@morganofthewildfire​ @alyx801​ @ladywitchling​ @westofmoon​ @rolltide7​

#OUAD #once upon a december #anastasia!rowaelin au #rowaelin fanfiction #rowaelin au #throne of glass au #throne of glass fanfiction #rowaelin #rowan whitethorn #aelin ashryver galathynius #the cadre #fenrys moonbeam #connall moonbeam #gavriel #lorcan salvaterre #vaughan #lysandra ennar #aedion ashryver #mary writes #louiseleblancdiggory writes #mardu writes #masterlist #writing #throne of glass #tog

[yanderecandystore]

I wasn't really planning on continuing this but at the same time I wanted to continue so here we go-

Also I edited some of the misspellings in chapter one.

TW/Tags: Still a sadistic bitch // Still gay af (female x female reader paring) // This was based on the anime Shiki, but I don't promise it'll be any good // Cursing // Your mom is suffering // Some almost intimate moments in the end that could or not be considered smexy // Also depressed vengeful Reader.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Prey - Chapter Two

[ 1 . 2 (...)]

Tick, tock

How long have you been here?

Tick, tock

How long have you been unconscious?

You don't know how you came here. How long have you been out? Well, you don't know, but at least you know where you are.

' Home, sweet, home. How I thought I wouldn't see you again.' You thought.

Your mind is a little fuzzy, you can't recall how you managed to get back home, especially on top of your own bed wearing your pajamas. You don't remember changing, but honestly, what the hell do you remember??

You only remember… Darkness… The woods, the moonlight-

"- D-Demon!" You panic as the memories of last night settle in. That woman, that vampire, she- She had bitten you!

You try to get off of your bed but your body feels heavy. You don't have nearly as much strength as you had yesterday. There is buzzing noise inside your head.

"- [Y/N]?!" You think… You think you heard your mother calling you.

You can hear her running towards your bedroom door, she opens it and her frightened face only worsen at seeing you on the floor.

Helpless.

"- [Y/N]! Please don't- What happened to you?! Did you fall?! Need so help, honey?" Your mother doesn't know what she should tell you. She is confused, disheartened, worried. She wants to ask you what happened but, right now, she is more worried about your current state.

"- Don't Force yourself too much while you have such a bad fever, okay?" She told you, hoping you would listen to her this time.

The first time she told you to stay in bed you didn't respond.

And now, you don't seem to be able to respond once again.

Voices, there are voices buzzing inside your head. The voice of your mom isn't nearly as powerful as the constant storm inside your brain. It's repetitive, it's loud, it's too strong for you. You feel a strong need to answer them, despite your best attempt to ignore them.

You need to answer your mom, or else you only make her more and more worried about you.

"- Y-" But you can't. They won't let you.

' Don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her.' It 's all it says. Again, and again.

They aren't telling you a possibility, they're commanding you.

"- I-I won't-" You manage to muster. But to both your relief and despair, your mother interpreted as you answering her over the voices.

"- Oh- Thank goodness dear, you haven't- I- I really shouldn't have doubted you!" She gives you a half-hearted laugh. She doesn't seem to be able to process her thoughts into words correctly, but you know exactly what she is thinking. She thought you were completely gone, she thought you had gotten the disease that every person inside the village is doomed to get.

' Maybe you could still be saved, somehow.' Was what she hoped for.

' I'm really sorry for doubting your strength, [Y/N]...' Was what she thought. Glad to be reminded that her daughter is one tough cookie.

But inside your heart, inside your very soul, you know that you need to tell her the truth. You can't let her believe that this is just a disease, you need to warn her about the nobles, about the vampires living inside your village!

While the voices ordered you to obey, your pathetic inner voice was telling you to be stronger than this! To listen to yourself and be honest.

' Mom- Mom, please, get out of the village, get help from the capital-' You screamed from deep inside, not being able to overpower the other voices, not being able to put your thoughts into words as your mom helped you get back in your bed.

"- Please, take some rest okay? I know that these past few days haven't been easy on us."

' Don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her.'

' Mom, please, I-'

' Don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her.'

"- I know that, Carol was a really dear friend to you… I know that seeing her get more and more depressed as the days went on after her brother's death was really hard for you… I-I'm really sorry you had to witness that…" Moms, sometimes they just wish their children didn't have to see the terrible things around them, it doesn't matter how old and mature their child is. Mother's love is reckless.

' Don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her.'

' Mom! Please, I- I just don't want to-'

' Don't tell her, don't tell her, don't tell her.'

It doesn't matter how hard you try, you don't seem to be able to warn her. Your head is aching from all the voices talking in your head. You can practically feel the venom in your veins. The demon had put it's venom inside of you and was now plaguing your mind.

"- Just, please rest here okay? I'll see if there is any doctor that could help us, I heard that there is one currently resting in the town's inn." Your mother tried to be positive about the situation. She didn't want you to feel scared about the situation, and neither did she want to show you how terrified she is of you… Suddenly passing away.

But you have already noticed. You have already seen in her eyes the fear, the acknowledgement that you may not survive. And even a person that was considered tough by your loved ones, was starting to realize how unfortunate your situation truly was.

Death was a horrifying concept on it's own, but you didn't mind that. You have accepted that, but-

It still hurts, it hurts so much. And to make matters worse, you realized that you have failed.

You have failed your village.

You have failed Carol.

You have failed your mom!

"- … M-Mom-!" You managed to say. But could you continue the whole phrase?

The voices haven't stopped, they just changed their phrase.

' Don't you dare, don't you dare, don't you dare-' Over and over again, but now way more aggressively than "don't tell her".

"- Yes, dear?" And once again, her expression is one of mixed affection and fear. She wanted to help you the best way she can, but she doesn't know what to do… Please, let this be a nightmare, maybe a spook, a scare, maybe you have gotten a cold or something mild as that. Please let this be fake.

"- … I love you." It's all your body has let you tell her, but deep inside, you wished you could have warned her about the family of nobles. Or at least…. Asked if she could spend the night with you.

' I'm scared, mom. I'm really scared '

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As expected, the doctor that came in to check on you, diagnosed you with the same symptoms as the "disease" everyone has been catching.

He stated that you presented a really early stage of development of the disease, which caused your mother to get hopeful that maybe, maybe there was still something that could cure you.

But… The doctor told her that the disease was irreversible. What a strange choice of wording.

Your mother was distraught of course. She is in denial, there is no way you're going to die because of a common cold or whatever this was! She just- Couldn't accept that her own daughter was dying.

She couldn't accept that these were your last days, she just couldn't.

And although she looked at you with the same love and warm embrace, you knew how she felt. You knew what she was thinking.

You tried talking to her, but every time you would respond, the voices gave you an order to say something else. And you couldn't resist replying to them, as every time you replied, they stopped screaming inside your head. It's been two days since you didn't meet her again, yet her influence was still strong inside of you.

You had a week to say your last goodbyes before dying… Or, worse. You remember what the mistress told you that day, but you didn't know what she could possibly be talking about, but now, oh, now you think there is something worse than death awaiting you.

"- Do you know how vampires pass their curse to mortals?"

"- Carol is a special one indeed. But also, she can't keep her mouth shut for a second. How did you manage to deal with her while she was alive?"

While remembering what the demon said, the voices inside your head have become louder, mocking you, laughing at you. Your body is in so much pain, but you don't have any strength to call your mom, to call for help.

Carol. She said Carol. Carol talked to her, Carol told her your name-

Carol is alive. But how can Carol be alive? How can no one know that Carol is alive, how can only that snobby vampire know about Carol?-

Your thoughts became more rapidly, your inner voice was slowly but surely becoming more powerful than the demons inside your head. You didn't care for the voices, or the poison in your veins.

Something needs to be done.

Your mind was telling you to let her in. Let her in your house, let her in your room. She was nearby. Of course she was. She hasn't consumed blood since the last time she saw you.

Of course she came in to take more.

' Let her in, let her in, let her in, let her in-'

But you won't. Won't let her have access to your house. You won't invite her, you won't let her have access to your house, to your mom, to you.

It doesn't matter if your body hurts like a bitch, it doesn't matter if the infernal voices won't shut up. She won't take your blood anymore. And it doesn't matter that she is currently looking really fucking sinister outside your window while tapping on the glass with her pointy nails.

"- [Y/N]~ I've missed you…" Again with the sweet and flirty acting. At least you now know that it is indeed her who is messing with your brain, because as soon as she said that the voices have become more subtle, more, smooth, and were now repeating how they missed you.

And just like that, you were feeling… Lighter, for them not be constantly nagging you and scolding you. But just as this comfortable change came, it went away.

"- [Y/N]! OPEN THIS WINDOW RIGHT NOW-" She screamed from the other side of the window, clearly losing her patience. And the voice once again got a hold of you.

Their screams, is almost deafening, is- It's painful, it's just-

It's just too strong for you.

"- See? It wasn't so bad, was it?" She said mockingly as she entered through the window. You didn't respond, you were just glad that the pain has gone away… For the most part.

"- Oh… This is a- Really interesting room decoration, or lack of thereof-" To you, it sounded like she was taunting you again. You imagine that someone that has been born noble has never seen a commoner's house interior except for her nightly hunts. Which were brief and quickly as she could since there was no point of dragging the inevitable.

But, honestly, no it wasn't necessarily taunting, but, oblivious curiosity. A cultural shock, if you will.

Still, no real response came from you. You just want this to get over with. You failed not only every single person in this village, but also yourself. You've let her in.

You're either going to die because of her draining your blood, or you're going to experience a worse fate than death.

Maybe something… Maybe something that Carol is experiencing.

No. No, no, you can't give up just yet, you need to know what happened to Carol, you need to know what happened to those that have died, you can't let her win-

"- You don't seem to be really bright, are you?" She said. You took some time to realize that she was talking to you this entire time. But you don't really care for her, you never did.

"- What do you want, demon?" You refuse to look at her. You refuse to be a "welcoming host" to such a prick.

"- Well, for starters, I want you to stop calling me that. I have a name, and it would be best for the both of us if you started calling me by it." She doesn't take her eyes off of you, you can feel it, oddly enough. She isn't being aggressive just yet, so maybe you could… Take information that you need while you still can.

As you didn't say anything, she continued speaking, this time wandering around your room and playing with your stuff.

"- The name is Abigail Barlow, and since I already know your name, we can cut the introductions short and just go directly to business since you're being so stuck-up about it." She said, while fidgeting with one of your books, fake reading it. Just so she can hide her face from you.

"- … Excuse me?!" You spoke out. If the book wasn't there, you would be able to see the biggest smirk you've ever seen. She knew you would get angry easy, you're just simple like that.

"- How- How can you even come into my house and act like you didn't cause a fucking massacre, like you weren't the cause of so many deaths?!!" How dare she? How dare she? Just simply- How dare she?!

"- Language, [Y/N], you're speaking with an immortal daughter of an immortal duch and duchess, I don't think you have much power in this scenario or in any other scenario of your life." Jesus Christ, Carol was right! You're such a foul-mouth!

"- I should- I should have stabbed you with that dumb piece of wood when I could have." Crying. It 's pathetic. You know this, but who cares? You're doomed anyway. You shouldn't give her the satisfaction of seeing you cry but you can't contain the amount of anger that you have inside of you.

And of course she is enjoying this, of course she is laughing.

"- Just, get this over with-"

"- I came here to make a proposition." She interrupted you and your pitiful sobbing-

"- You see, I have been really kind towards you, [Y/N]. Normally, I would have come to drink your blood everyday, and then I would come to… "You know who"." She giggled at the last part. If you have enough strength in your body, you would have punched her face by now, regardless of the consequences.

"- After I drain all of your blood, you would presumably die, or, you could have the really small and special chance of becoming something like us." She said, either faking cheerfulness or saying with all her heart that the last option was better than just dying. You couldn't differentiate the two.

"- Like… "Us"?" You asked, terrified of what the answer may be. But you already know what she means, and her condensing look only reinforces that.

"- You, know Carol does miss you quite a lot. At first I thought that transforming you would be the best scenario for her, but the chance of it working is so little that it may not even be worth it." She said, sounding actually concerned. Sounding sad for Carol's uneventful life. Although she is the cause of it.

"- What do you mean?" You asked, feeling like a lot of weight is suddenly being put on top of your shoulders. Carol is alive! And- And she misses you?

"- Her brother didn't come back, you know." Oh, her little brother. He didn't…. But, does that mean-

"- She is really lonely without any family members, without any friends…" She has placed your book down, being extremely careful with her words, she needs to convince you.

"- So that's why I'm here, I came here so we can make an agreement." She said in a more serious tone than before. An apathetic tone. Before you could question her shifts in tones and how suspicious this all sounds, she finally said what this "agreement" is.

"- I'll make sure that no vampire hurts your mother, I won't bite anyone else anymore, and that you'll be able to see Carol once again." She said.

"- And the catch?"

"- You'll have to come with me, and let me drink from you whenever I want." Oh, of course that's her requirements. You know that you can't trust her, but- Maybe, maybe you can find a way to break the curse?

Maybe you can find a way to cure everyone, maybe you can stop this from spreading!

And… Your mother would be safe, for the time being.

"- And I just need to play along?" You asked looking up to see her face. That same face from your first encounter, a sadistic grin, an expression you have learned to be disgusted at.

"- Exactly~" She is way too happy with this situation. You guess it is probably because she has the upper hand… For now.

She is stretching her hand to you, as if she is Satan himself offering you a contract that will steal your soul. To which you agree with. As you take her hand, the dread of the situation starts to settle in when in less than a second she manages to push you on top of your bed once again.

The scene is way too familiar, the need to vomit is almost as strong as your determination to make her pay for what she did.

You didn't look in her eyes, but you took a glance at her face to see that she was completely insane. From a calm and playful persona, to an absolute bloodthirsty monster.

Even if you feel disgusted, even if you're absolutely mortified by how her personality does a complete 180, you won't give up.

Her odd caresses at your cheek aren't really helping your discomfort.

"- I really, really hate you." You managed to get it out of your mouth. Not that you were being controlled to not say it or that you were being obligated to keep your mouth shut in anyway. But for some reason, it still took a lot from you to put these words together.

"- I don't need you to say that you love me yet, unless you're begging me for my utmost devotion, I don't need to hear anything that comes from you." She boops your nose as she finishes her sentence. This creepy bitch just doesn't take a break, does she?

"- Burn in hell." You snapped back, causing her a little bit of a scare but also making her laugh at your reaction.

Without anymore delaying she sank her teeth in your exposed cleavage. It hurts way more than when she had bitten your neck, and is weirder than before if you consider how the voices ask you to submit, to let her in, to let her drink it. You tried pushing her off but you couldn't move your body properly.

It hurts a lot, and yet you can't find a way to scream for help. The buzzing is way too loud, and the lack of blood is starting to really worsen your state. You really hope this is just a nightmare, that you're having the craziest dream in your life.

That you'll wake up the next day and everyone will still be there.

She stopped, this time taking her fangs away in a more gentle demeanor. How considerate~

"- Your blood is really, really addicting you know? I haven't been able to feed from anyone else ever since I met you." There it is, that face of someone who just drunk a whole bottle of wine. Are your blood perhaps mixed with alcohol? It doesn't sound unreasonable, after all, your dead friend is alive and now you're the blood stock of a crazy bitch.

You weren't paying attention to her (again), and she decided to politely ask you to look at her, by pushing one of her sharp nail fingers inside your bites marks.

"- Oh, does it hurt? Are you crying because it hurts or are you just a crybaby?" It doesn't matter when, it doesn't matter how, she manages to easily get into your skin. Literally or not.

But you didn't answer, you didn't look at her. You just… Continued to endure the pain, to curse her inside your mind. To plan a revenge against all of this torture that she is putting you through. At least the voices have stopped.

Surprisingly, she didn't seem to have any smart and sassy response to your silence. Maybe it was the moonlight reflecting in your skin, maybe it was how your hair laid and spread across the bedsheet, and maybe even how your eyes were spilling tear after tear, but that determination in your expression has never gone away.

Yeah, she doesn't know what it was, but, something about you was just- Interesting. Now that she is thinking about it, Carol may have a good reason as to why she can't shut up about you. Argh, just reminding of Carol makes Abigail want to take her eyes out and eat them. Their agreement was that they would both share your blood… Not that Abigail was going to keep her promise though.

This moment, this specific moment between you and her wasn't something that should be shared with anyone else. I guess even to a vampire, this scenario seems, really intimate. And it really doesn't help that you're kinda attractive, in her opinion.

Your face when you turned around just to look at why she was taking so long to bite you again was kinda… Cute? Naive? Attractive? She doesn't know. I guess your blood truly is addicting, like a drug, cause she clearly is high out of her damn mind.

You were confused as to why she suddenly stopped and why she didn't bite you again- Not that you really wanted her to continue, but you assumed that if she didn't get off you, was because she was still thirsty- But you now realize that looking at her wasn't the best idea. Like I said, her expression was so out of character that you thought she was drunk.

That somewhat affectionate face was starting to creep you out every second that passed by, especially with how she laughed when she noticed your terror. You didn't think twice before trying to push her away, only to have your wrists taken and your arms stretched on top of your hand.

No amount of wriggling would take you out of this, would it? At least she didn't seem to care that you struggled, if she did, she could have considered that a form of you breaking your agreement.

' You'll let me take your blood whenever I want.' You remember her saying that, but you guess that the "unspoken rule" under that line was "no struggling". Honestly, you don't even want to know if your theory is correct or not, you just want this to end.

She comes a little closer to you, clearly having the best time of her life, as it was written all over her face. She is glad your horrified eyes are stuck in her own.

She thought about saying something, but decided to go against it.

Instead of telling you she'll be more gentle, how about she show you how gentle she can be? She doesn't need to drink your blood in such a rush, if she goes slowly it's pretty much a given that it won't be half as bad as how she normally does. And besides, she has the whole night to enjoy, why not make it last a little longer?

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#yandere #sheep stuff #yandere oc #sheep's stuff #yandere vampire fem x fem reader #yandere vampire #yandere vampire x reader #yandere vampire fanfiction #yandere fanfiction #yandere oc x reader #yandere oc fanfiction #yandere monster x reader #yandere monster #yandere sadistic #sadistic yandere

[captainmazzic]

Happy Halloween.

So it’s about time I gave a real fucking update instead of just dicking around being cagey about shit. I’ve mentioned a new project repeatedly. So let’s sit down and actually talk about it, friends. Pull up a chair, grab yourself some hot cocoa and strap in. Welcome to Sarc’s emotional roller coaster.

Bear with me. This is hard to talk about for so many reasons, but mostly because I’ve been belittled and ridiculed so many times in my life for liking “cringy” things or wanting to do things that other people think are stupid or childish. I hear the voice of my father telling me to “make something of my life” and “don’t squander your talents”, I hear the voice of my mother telling me I have “so much potential” and “one day I hope you get some ambition”, I hear the voice of my ex telling me to “stop wasting time with stupid shit” and “nobody is interested in failures”. I hear old teachers telling me honor roll students should go to college and study high-demand majors and anything else would be lazy and detrimental and won’t contribute anything worthwhile to society.

It’s the same shit that prevented me for a long time from posting art online. From posting writing online. From making ocs and showing them to other people. And now it’s preventing me from starting this project, and I’m so, so tired of it.

My biggest fear right now is that once I start talking about this project I’ll lose this tiny little community of people vaguely interested in my stuff that have somehow stuck around. External validation and sharing the things I love are my primary motivations with everything I do online, and while screaming into the void is all well and good, I need feedback and interaction and community. I need it so, so badly. I wouldn’t post jack shit – ever – if I didn’t need that, to be honest.

So anyway.

When the pandemic kicked into high gear earlier this year I got laid off for a few months. It gave me a lot of time to think about who I am and where I wanted to be in life, what mattered to me, what dreams I still had and which ones had fallen by the wayside.

Some of them are huge – once upon a time I was very religious. I went through seminary, got my minister’s certification, and was slated to be an associate pastor in a mega-church and rake in a six-figure income within 3 years. But I lost my faith and couldn’t stand the idea of being disingenuous.

And there was also a time when I received a full-ride scholarship to a very prestigious university that would have spanned a 12-year program and resulted in me having several doctorates and masters degrees by the end of it, in the fields of geology, palaeontology, and cladistics. But the scholarship program that was supposed to sponsor me went bankrupt the very semester I was supposed to capitalize on it. I was still accepted into the school, but the $1.2 million price tag would have all been out of my own pocket. So obviously that didn’t happen.

Those were the “acceptable” dreams. Those were the ones that parents and teachers and the general outside world approved of and thought were worthy goals. But neither of them panned out, and all I have left are the cringy ones. Like homesteading and sustainable living (can’t start without land, can’t have land without money). Like making comic books and doing art commissions for a living (it has to be steady to support myself, and I’m far too slow an artist for things to be steady). And like… playing video games.

Ha.

What’s funny is I can already envision the eyerolls and hear the snorts of laughter. What kind of dream is that? Only a handful of famous youtubers and twitch celebrities play video games for a living, and breaking into a field like that is pretty much impossible unless you already have friends in famous places.

Yeah, but… it would be so much fun. Right?

It WOULD be fun. I don’t have to become a super popular celebrity for it to be fun, right?

I don’t have to make it my day job and rake in piles of cash for it to be fun, right?

… I don’t have to actually be successful for it to be fun… right?

… Right?

:/

… I love video games.

I’ve loved them ever since I tried and failed so many times to win The Empire Strikes Back on Atari 2600. I’ve loved them ever since I played Mortal Kombat with my cousin in his basement with the sound down super low because it was ultra-violent and I would have been in so much trouble if mom caught me playing it. I’ve loved them ever since I tried and failed to finish Strife and Hexen and Heretic without the computer crashing and rebooting to DOS. I’ve loved them ever since I had to cheat-code my way through Jedi Knight: Dark Forces II just to get past the first boss fight but then no-clipped through the wall and died anyway. I still love that game.

But I stopped playing video games for a very long time. I was intimidated out of them by an ex and a somewhat toxic friend group who were Real Gamers™. I was brought to LAN parties but not allowed to play, because I slowed down the team and didn’t know the controls. I was banned from commenting on other people’s moves or cheering people on because it was distracting and I could cost them a win. I was even kicked out of their online D&D campaigns because I couldn’t be serious enough or roleplay well enough for their standards. Even if I was playing a game on my own, I couldn’t play with anyone else in the house because I’d be ridiculed for dying a lot, or for going the wrong way, or for picking the wrong game because only certain games are “good” and most of the ones I wanted to play were “stupid” or “trash” or a “waste of time”.

That kind of thing sits with me for a very, very long time. I didn’t really play games at all for over a decade. Even after I ended up on the opposite side of the country, with a new circle of friends, I couldn’t bring myself to play much of anything.

And then I had an extended visit with a friend of mine, and he introduced me to an early version of a ridiculous little game called Minecraft. My friend was an avid gamer but also a very kind one. In the ten years before this, I had told myself that I just preferred to watch other people play games instead of playing them myself (a lie. I mean, I absolutely adore watching other people play, but I also want to play too lol), my friend saw through that and very gently encouraged me to take a stab at playing Minecraft myself. He moved his laptop over to me, and I played a whole ten minutes with him watching before my nerves failed me and I promptly died. But miraculously it wasn’t a big deal to him. It was just a game. I might have cried in relief, I don’t remember.

After my visit I shelved playing video games for like another year, despite buying a whole mess of them because other friends online loved certain titles and wanted to talk about them with me. (I never played them, just bought them. I couldn’t even handle the thought of playing by myself in my own house). But for some reason I mentioned to my brother-in-law my old visit to my Minecraft-loving friend, and he just… up and bought the game for me. My brother-in-law is also an avid gamer with a lovely and patient disposition, and he suggested I just play in creative mode and build things to start. So I did that (behind a locked door in the RV that I lived in by myself, with the lights off and the sound down low) and Minecraft was my sole video game for another several years.

Then a couple years ago another friend of mine (hi Char) introduced me to Star Wars: The Old Republic, and I fell in love. It sparked a renewed interest in video games that I thought I would never really have the opportunity to satisfy, because games were still intimidating.

Let me clarify: I… SUCK. At video games. I’m terrible at them. Learning controls is a nightmare and a tunicate evolving its own brain would learn faster than me. If I’m aiming, I can’t hit the broad side of a barn. I have the direction sense of a whirligig beetle on the back of a drunk pigeon. I die fast and I die often. I can count the number of games I’ve actually finished on one hand. Even less if we don’t count the ones I had to use cheat codes to get through. But none of that diminishes my love of experiencing them, and over this whole pandemic and quarantine thing I’ve had a lot of time to unpack and mull over my thoughts and feelings and passions about them.

… I moved my RV to a new spot literally the day before the lockdown in my state first initiated. Before this I was in a spot that had no internet other than what reception I could get on my phone, with severely limited bandwidth and patchy, unreliable service. The new spot has a steady wi-fi connection, and while upload speed is utter shit, downloading and streaming video are just this side of manageable. So I spent the first three months of the quarantine lockdown doing pretty much nothing other than watching Jacksepticeye, CrankGameplays, and Markiplier play video games on YouTube. (I honestly had no idea before this that people even did let’s plays. My internet access/speed has been shit for so long I’m totally out of the loop).

It… for fear of sounding utterly stupid yet again, it inspired me.

Like. These people really love what they’re doing. They just. Play video games and have fun with it, and I mean yeah they make money hand-over-fist doing it but the main thing is they HAVE FUN doing it. They have fun! Playing video games! In front of people! It’s wild. And the thing that REALLY got me was… they have feedback on it too. They have a COMMUNITY. They have people they can talk to about it. They have people that they can play games WITH, even, who don’t yell at them or tell them they suck every five minutes or tell them they can’t play with them because they’re worthless as teammates. They can fuck up in a game and their friends are laughing along with them on Discord instead of screaming at them to get it right or get out. They can play games by themselves in their house and then upload videos on the internet and then they can talk to other people about it! They have fun! It’s awesome! They have fun!!

I just. It meant so much to me. It meant so much to me to see these videos of these three, and then another dozen or so that I’ve followed since, play all these games and have such a good time and also be such a positive and kind and encouraging source of energy.

I know all of this is not exactly about video games specifically. It’s about coming to terms with how I’ve been treated as a person and as a friend, about how other people respect someone’s interests and passions, about how it’s okay to share your interests with other people and it’s okay to like things that other people might not care about or think are important.

And I’m so, so tired of not doing the things I love because I’m afraid of what other people will think.

So I, uh. I invested all of the stimulus money I had into a new rig and equipment like a camera, lighting, acoustic panels, all that shit. I dug out all the games I bought but never played, I made accounts on all the big gaming services like Steam and Itch.io and GoG, and I made a YouTube channel. And I’m going to be making my own let’s plays. And it will suck, and it will be cringy and awkward and badly done, and it won’t make me money or be a valid career option or be anything but another very expensive hobby, but it will be mine, and it will be something I can share with people and (hopefully) have fun with, and it will (hopefully) be an avenue for some of this positive social interaction I’m craving.

I know YouTube can be toxic and super negative and full of trolls and cancel culture fanatics and people just waiting to find something to tear you down for, but like. Come on, y’all. I’m posting this on tumblr dot com. Toxic is everywhere anyway. I just want to try, you know?

I just want to love video games again.

Someone famous that I look up to so, so much told me – without knowing that I was even listening, without even knowing that I even exist – that if I enjoy doing something, to just go for it. To just jump in and do it, and if it works then it works, and if it doesn’t, what have I actually lost?

And I’m lucky enough to have four whole offline friends that I’ve mentioned this idea to, and each of them has said encouraging things like I’d have a good voice and face and style for making let’s plays. I honestly don’t know how true that part is, but on my good days I believe them. And they also said that I should go for it, to just try.

So that’s… that’s what I’m doing, I guess. I just want to try.

I know it’s not Star Wars fanart. I know it’s not Star Wars fanfiction. I know it’s not Star Wars meta or essays or ranting about the Sith and the Jedi and the Force. I know it’s not what y’all want from me. And that’s utterly terrifying. I’m bracing myself to be alone on the internet again, because I know that when I dive headfirst into this thing, it’ll eat away into the time that I normally might be spending doing writing or art, and it’s going to be something no one else wants to see and no one signed up for. And that’s partly why it’s taken me so very, very long to get started.

The other part is more physical. Of course as soon as I decide that I’m going to put my face on a camera is when my entire face goes to shit. I’m currently waiting on a potential diagnosis for mouth cancer, while already dealing with a severe jaw infection that’s causing my teeth and gums to rot inside my mouth. They already took part of my jaw, I’m missing teeth, others are turning black, if I open my mouth even just a little it is so obvious and I look like a very, very literal zombie. I have never been more grateful that masks are socially acceptable. I have a series of twelve appointments scheduled to treat this shit now that I have dental and health insurance (goodbye paycheque), and I might qualify for reconstruction surgery too. But that doesn’t really help how I look right now.

So I just can’t bring myself to start this project just yet. I’ve been sitting on it for months now with all the other pieces in place, but I just. Can’t. Start. It’s driving me crazy, because I want to start so badly. I feel like I’m wasting time. I feel like I’ve already wasted so much time, because I haven’t even done anything else in the meantime. I haven’t done hardly any art or fanfic, nothing. My anxiety is spiking so high right now because I have all these expectations of myself, but I can’t do anything about it. I’ve been told that I could just start without a camera or wear a mask on screen, and I’ve actually done some recording doing exactly that, but I just… can’t seem to make anything I want to finalize.

It’s also frustrating because I have no way of uploading anything at home. I’ll have to go over to my partner’s house which is nearly an hour’s drive away in order to get internet good enough to upload videos, which means that upload schedules are going to be shiiiiiit and that’s also frustrating.

But. But. BUT. I want to do this.

I want to do this so badly. I want to share let’s plays and experience a love of video games with other people. I want to actually play games with other people too. I also just acquired a piano keyboard, and I want to play again on the regular because I miss it so much. I used to play piano for hours every single day, it’s so relaxing and fun, maybe I can post that too. Maybe I can post let’s draws or something, where I ask y’all what to draw and then make a video of me drawing it while bullshitting to the camera I don’t know it sounds like fun. Maybe I can post videos of my cooking because the shit I make seems to be everyone’s favourite thing on instagram, and maybe I can take my camera with me when I go to the ocean or hike up into the middle of nowhere in the mountains and film how beautiful everything is up there. Or maybe I can do none of that and just focus on one thing, I honestly have no idea what I’m doing or how to do it, but I just… I want to try. I just want to try.

I don’t know where any of this is going anymore. I’m sorry I haven’t responded to messages, or opened up commissions. I’m sorry that this isn’t what y’all wanted. I’m still going to continue drawing and writing, I’m still going to be around, I’m not going anywhere, but I have no idea how prolific I’m going to be and I have no idea even when I’ll start uploading videos, to be honest. But I just. I’m just gonna try. It might still take me a while but I’m gonna try. Wish me luck. I love y’all.

#long post #psa #sarc speaks #sarc speaks a LOT #3k words worth of a LOT #I'm so sorry #OTL

[paranetics]

hiya could you do a kiadam for 17. and 22.? if your not too busy. thanks !!

17.  “Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…” 22.  “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.”

He’s completely minding his own business, being friendly with his physics textbook, all pressed up against the end of the bookshelf in the library, successfully having a love affair with headache-inducing math equations, when Mira ambushes him.

“Hiya,” she says, suddenly right in his face.

“Aisghls!” he gurgles, in a completely manly way, thank you. She sits back on her heels and laughs at him, loud and mocking. He scowls at her.

Her braces are blue now, matching the streaks in her hair. She looks nice, he decides, all neon green and blue. The loudness of her wardrobe suits her -- she’d be strange to him if she ever tried to tone it down.

“Oh, man, you should’ve seen your face.”

“Fuck you,” Kai snaps, smoothing out the pages of his book. “I am busy learning how to destroy the AP Phys exam. Stop being a distraction.”

She pouts at him. “Come on, you're seriously not still mad at me about the ceramic pig.”

“I’m always going to be mad at you about the ceramic pig,” he says primly. Then he sighs, unable to resist. “What’s up?”

Her smile turns bright, and his heart does that familiar little stutter. Kai has always, always loved her. Sure, she’s Adam’s best friend and has inclinations more Reeve-based, but there’s always going to be something about her that just catches him in the right spot. He’s over it now, and he has erm, other areas of interest, but she’ll always be special.

“Nessa’s having a party--”

“Ugh,” Kai interrupts.

“--with alcohol--”

“Double ugh.”

“And cute boys will be there,” Mira wheedles, whipping out her best puppy-eyes.

“I don’t care,” Kai says, shuffling away from her and looking back at his textbook. The particles will... he reads.

“Adam will be there,” she tries. Obvious trump card. Goddammit.

He cuts his eyes toward her, calculating. She’s grinning, triumphant, confident that she’s got him. He groans internally, because it’s either that he goes to this party and enjoys at least twelve percent of it, or Mira and Adam will wake him up from a dead sleep sometime in the AM, drunk and needy.

Part of his resistance is a lie, he always likes parties. He doesn’t like Vanessa, but she’s Reeve’s friend, and by proxy, Mira’s friend. He can pretend to like her for one night, especially if he gets to hang out with people. What can he say, extroversion. It’s a disease.

It’s just, recently, there’s been this trend. It’s like he’s been cursed.

Kai pretends to think about it.

“Fine,” he grits out.

“Yay!” Mira says, standing up and doing a little celebratory wiggle. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and unlocks it. “I’ll add you to the group text. Also, I want Reeve to drive me so you’re taking Adam alone okay bye.”

“Huh,” Kai says as she speed-walks away from him. “What? Hey!”

But she’s gone, vaguely eucalyptus-scented-shampoo left in her wake. Alone? With Adam? Fuck.

His phone buzzes.

-

Group: party 🎉🥂🥳🎊 time

mirakat added humantorchkai to the group

abeaverdam: Oh he’s coming?

lochnessa: Damn I didn’t know he left his house anymore

mirakat: ya i cornered his ass in th library

mirakat: hes a total slut 4 skool

mirakat: kais my bitch tho lol so ya hes comin

mirakat: dam hes drivin u

abeaverdam: Is that ok kai?

humantorchkai: yeah

humantorchkai: when?

lochnessa: Friday.

-

Kai’s late to first period on Wednesday, which Reeve notices, and bugs him about for ten minutes straight. He rolls in twenty minutes after the bell, wearing the clothes he left on his bedroom floor, all rumpled up and disorganized, and without a note. He drops into his seat and makes it approximately two minutes before Reeve leans over, into his space, and starts the interrogation.

“Oh my God,” Kai says to the ceiling. “For the last time, my alarm didn’t go off.”

“My Spidey-senses tell me you’re a liar,” Reeve says, and seriously, what does Mira see in this complete dork? He’s so nosy.

Kai drags his gaze from the ceiling to stare at him. “I think your janky-ass ‘spider-sense’ needs a psych eval.”

Reeve crosses his arms and sniffs at him. “Rude. I thought we were friends.”

“We are--” Kai scrubs his hands through his hair violently, frustrated. He catches the smirk on Reeve’s face. “Hey! That doesn’t work on me anymore. I’ve evolved.”

The smirk doesn’t leave Reeve’s face.

The truth is, Kai’s late because he had a nightmare. Or a wet dream. Depends on your definition of either thing. It’s been reoccurring pretty consistently, and Kai always wakes up from it breathing hard, adrenaline in his veins, and a hard-on. Today just happened to be shittier, and he couldn’t get back to sleep right away, so he overslept when his alarm went off.

It’s pretty much the worst, been happening for almost a month, and Kai is slowly losing his mind. But. whatever, the important part is this: he’s with Adam, and Adam kisses him. They could be in space, or in a submarine, or whatever Kai’s subconscious feels like cooking up. They could be anything, pirates, elven rebel warriors, it doesn't matter. In every dream, Kai’s with Adam, and at some point Adam leans over, the smell of Hennessy whiskey on his breath, and kisses Kai.

It’s why Kai’s been so rigid lately, avoiding his friends and refusing to go to parties, because of what happened Last Time he’d gone.

Mad Libs! Fill in the blanks, Sherlock.

He’s so totally, totally, totally screwed. And no one is allowed to know, not even Reeve, who knows Adam’s a flirty drunk and that Kai’s pathetic, and hasn’t even told anyone any of Kai’s other secrets, because this? This is world-ending levels of FUCK.

So, when the bell rings, Kai basically sprints out the door to avoid Reeve.

-

Group: party 🎉🥂🥳🎊 time

speedyskeet: should i bring da weed

reever: ohhh shiiiit hell yeah

lochnessa: No LSD though

speedyskeet: :O

speedyskeet: um ok MOM

reever: wtf ness

reever: psychedelic rights!!!

speedyskeet: let me get us fkd up!!

mirakat: wait didnt we hav 2 call an ambulance 4 coop last time u brought more than weed to a party

mirakat: or was tht a different school

speedyskeet: .........

speedyskeet: ok so im assuming edibles and my bong right

-

Kai takes his lunch to Mr Tucker’s room.

Mr Tucker is the APUS history teacher for the senior class, and he is the only non-STEM teacher that Kai likes. Mira is also his favorite student, so he lets them eat lunch in his room. It’s better than fighting for a spot in the crowded cafeteria, and Kai likes hiding from the rest of the student body.

Adam, Reeve, and Mira are sitting at one of the table groups when Kai walks in with his plate of chicken nuggets, Vanessa and Skeet nowhere to be seen. They’re probably getting high in the parking lot.

Mr Tucker is scrolling through youtube, his computer desktop displayed on the projector screen.

“Why’d you look up Nyan cat?” Kai asks, tilting his head as he watches Mr Tucker scroll.

“It’s stuck in his head,” Mira pipes up, helpfully. 

Mr Tucker grunts confirmation and apparently selects the version he likes. Reeve groans when it starts playing, slumping forward over his tuna salad. Mr Tucker picks up his normal vegetable-based salad, his bushy mustache wiggling in that way that means he’s smiling.

Kai sits next to Reeve, across from Adam. Mistake, Kai realizes too late. Big mistake. Because now they have to make eye contact, and Kai’s belly catches fire at the memory of drunkAdamhe’sKISSINGMESOMEONEHELP when he looks down at his plate of chicken nuggets. It’ll be obvious on his face in a few moments, he’s never been able to fight off a blush well, and then there’s going to be Questions. Capital-Q Questions.

But Reeve’s talking about, like, whatever drama majors talk about, and when Kai chances a peek up, Adam’s not looking at him. So.

Kai can’t help it, okay? He’s creepy. Sue him. No wait, that’s not-- ugh.

Kai studies the contours of Adam’s face while he’s not looking. His high cheekbones and his sharp chin. His heavy eyebrows that are shaped perfectly (”Ugh, you’re so fucking gross,” Reeve had said when Kai had voiced this thought aloud. “His eyebrows? I think you need to ask him out. Get it out of your system.”) and his eyes are that warm shade of brown, almost gold, soft and kind.

His hair is longer now, and errant curls flop over his forehead and around his ears. Kai watches the long line of Adam’s throat when he tilts his head back from the force of laughing at something Reeve said. Kai’s transfixed by the inviting stretch of dark skin, entertaining a thought of leaning over and just biting down so it’s not his fault he doesn’t see it coming when Reeve violently jabs him in the rib.

Kai jumps. “Ah! What the fuck?”

“Language,” Mr Tucker says in the toneless inflection of someone who doesn’t really care but responds on reflex. He’s now scrolling through Seasame Street videos.

Reeve shrugs, unrepentant. “You were gone there, dude.”

“Yeah,” Adam agrees, eyebrows raised in polite curiosity. “Planet Zenon gone.”

Kai ducks his head. “I’m, uh, stressed about AP physics?” he tries.

“Uh-huh,” Reeve says, “and are you asking us to confirm that for you?”

“Leave him alone,” Mira interrupts mildly. “Only, like, a hundred people a year get above a three on that exam.”

“Wow, how is that class still funded?” Adam asks.

“Elitism?” Mira guesses. “Maybe it’s like, a torture thing. Like, a test within a test.”

“What,” Reeve says, “like, if you pass you can become a super-secret spy?”

“Or I can, like, do another Chernobyl. Or I’m allowed secret access to government secrets. Ooh, maybe they’ll tell me the moon is a projection into the sky.” Kai says, warming to this idea.

“Then how would they explain waves?” Reeve asks.

“Uh, giant wave pool,” Kai answers.

“Hot take: the world is in a giant wave pool,” Mira grins at him.

Adam blinks almost in slow-motion, the sweep of his eyelashes against his cheeks, a smile growing on his face, and Kai is once again caught like a fly in honey. Just like that, all the saliva is gone from Kai’s mouth, and he’s completely lost the thread of whatever’s happening around him.

Okay, so, recap: totally, totally, totally screwed.

-

adam: U sure you’re ok driving me?

kai: dam i swear its fine

kai: i’d say something if it was a problem

kai: my parents have been trying to kick me out basically every weekend, this’ll make them so fucking happy

adam: Lol

adam: [A stock photo of two white parents sitting on a beach towel in a tropical location, smiling adoringly at each other. In the blurry background, a toddler with similar skin color and hair is being attacked by a seagull.]

-

“There is a PROBLEM!” Kai announces, flopping heavily onto his bed, tossing an arm dramatically over his forehead. Mira doesn’t even look up at him.

“Hm?” she says from the floor, knees drawn up to her chest, eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. She’s looking more at her iPad than at him.

“Oh my God,” Kai groans. “You don’t even care. I’m nothing to you. You enjoy my suffering.”

“Die white man,” Mira says tonelessly. “I’m trying to beat my old high score in Tetris. What’s your damage.”

“I have nothing to wear on Friday,” Kai moans, pained.

“What? Why do you even care? Your regular clothes are fine.”

“Oh my God, Mira! It’s a party,” Kai breathes the word like its holy, a precious thing nestled in the crook of his tongue, not to be defiled by people who wear school clothes to special events. “And I want to get hit on.”

“I’ll hit on you,” Mira promises. The iPad makes a wah-wah-wah sound. She sighs, setting it aside and looking up at him, expression thoroughly unamused, clearly blaming him for her high-score loss.

“I did not do that,” Kai says. The blood’s started rushing to his head, so he sits up and blinks away the black spots as they dance in front of his vision. “I just wanna be hot,” he whines. 

“Okay, so, wear that stupid blue button-up with the tigers on it, and the black skinny jeans. It brings out your eyes,” she elaborates. “And tucked-in button-ups are hot on dudes. Oh, and--”

“If you’re gonna Queer Eye me, I swear to God,” Kai complains.

“Will you just... I was gonna say you should wear a tiny bit of eyeliner. It’s like, accentuating your features or some shit.”

“Why should I trust you?” Kai asks playfully. “I’ve never seen you go anywhere near a make-up in my life.”

Mira shrugs. “I saw it on Instagram. Anyways, Reeve said I have ‘good bone structure’, what does that even mean?”

“That he’s an idiot and I can’t believe you’re into him?” Kai ventures. Mira glares at him, so Kai leans back on the bed, rolling his eyes up to the bedroom ceiling at the glow-in-the-dark stick-on stars that have been there since he was seven. “Okay, okay. He was probably trying to compliment you, but since he’s a robot sent by aliens to infiltrate the earth he did it in a really bizarre way.”

Mira perks up. “You think?”

“He said ‘good’.”

“What should I say back?”

“Erm, that you’ll have his babies?”

Mira throws one of her glittery highlighter pens at him. It bounces off the center of his forehead and onto his lap. He laughs, picking it up and tossing it back.

“I don’t know,” he admits. “Maybe say that you like his bones, too.”

Mira takes out her phone.

-

adam: [A picture of a pina colada sitting on a kitchen counter in a pool of sunlight.]

adam: Winky face

kai: you could just like, use the emoji keyboard instead of typing it out

adam: Don’t make me frowny face

-

Kai spends fifteen minutes messing with his hair in the mirror. He gels it sticking up, twists his mouth critically at his reflection, and wets his hands to wipe it out. Nothing’s working for him today. It’s just one of those things, his clothes seem to hang off him awkwardly, and nothing looks right.

He makes a sound of frustration, and his mom pokes her head into the bathroom.

“Oh,” she says. “I thought you were going to a party?”

“Mom,” he growls. “I’m getting ready!”

“Hm.” 

She pushes the door all the way open, surveys him from head to toe, and reaches over to run a hand through his hair, leaving parts sticking up in her wake. Kai looks in the mirror. Now, instead of awkward ‘trying-too-hard’, he looks artfully tousled. He unbuttons two top buttons of his tiger shirt, and messes with the collar to make it look like someone had grabbed it and reeled him in for a kiss. He grins at himself.

“That’s better, I think,” she says.

“Thanks Mom,” he says, shuffling past her and out to the hallway.

“Limit yourself to three drinks!” she calls as he stuffs his feet into old converse. “If you get too intoxicated to drive, spend the night! Just text! Don’t forget to wear condoms and--”

Kai shuts the door in her face.

His car is a silver Prius, owned five times prior to him. The interior always smells a little bit like shamrock shake and in the winter requires a prayer and three engine turnovers to start. Kai loves it.

He pulls up to Adam’s street and texts without looking that he’s close. He parks in the street, and jogs up to Adam’s front door. He raps his knuckles on Adam’s door, the red one with caterpillar decals, and a blue handprint on the doorknob.

Adam throws open the door. “Gimme a sec, gotta grab my jacket.”

He’s wearing a white shirt and Kai’s favorite jeans of his (do Not judge him, okay, liking your crush’s ass is basically a given and is no longer considered a sin under the New Testament, so really Kai’s not weird for liking this pair of Adam’s jeans because it accentuates his butt.), the ones with rips in the thigh and at both knees, because Adam lives reckless and dies reckless.

He jams his feet into vans and grabs the heavy olive jacket off the coatrack and follows Kai out to the Prius.

“You look nice,” Adam says, offhand. Kai feels how hot his face immediately gets and hopes it isn’t ugly, sometimes his blushes look like a rash.

“Thanks,” he says, rubbing his neck, right hand fumbling for his keys.

They slide into their seats, and Kai is hit with the violent-sense memory of Hennesy whiskey, and dark streetlamps, and Adam’s soft voice and brown puppy-dog eyes imploring Kai, look at me. Look at me, please. And. And.

His phone buzzes.

“Oh, Vanessa wants us to pick up some soda,” Kai says through the rock in his throat.

“Ooh, ooh. Cherry 7-Up, Jarritos Lime, uh like, a ton of Mountain Dew... and Coke! We’ll need Coke,” Adam rambles as Kai pulls away from the street and heads toward the local general store.

-

mira: WHERE

mira: R

mira: U 

mira: 2

mira: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kai frowns at his phone. They’re in the check-out line, waiting for their turn with about three tons of soda on the conveyer. Kai’s got a fifty dollar bill from his parents, because they’re stupidly open-minded, but he’s still gonna make Vanessa pay him back. Adam’s inspecting the tabloids, making comments about all of the covers and whatever he thinks about them.

kai: WE’RE

kai: FUCKING

(Not sent !) kai: GETTING

(Not sent !) kai: DRINKS

mira: FUHDUK WHATTTT!!!?????????

Kai groans.

-

The party’s already alive by the time Adam and Kai get there, music thrumming against the walls of the house, the glass panes of the windows shaking with the vibrations. Weighed down by plastic bags full of drinks, and a little bit anxious, Kai fumbles with the door handle three times until Adam reaches over him and opens it.

The crowd is huge. He didn’t even know that Vanessa and Skeet knew this many people. There’s a wall of heat that hits them when they step inside, the difference between the inside and outside must be a solid ten degrees. Most people are crammed in the living room, near the speakers, where a sort of impromptu dancefloor has evolved. There are plenty of people lining the hallways, sitting on the stairs, and spilling over into the other places of the house. 

Vanessa has changed the lightbulbs to fuschia, cobalt, and teal colors, so the house looks almost like a club from a TV show. There’s this haze over everything - and, yep, definitely Skeet’s weed - that makes it seem smoky and mysterious. Adam kicks the door shut behind them as they begin to navigate the crowd.

Skeet’s leaning against one of the walls, talking to a tiny girl with piercings and too much eyeliner. She tosses her head, her hair flying up like a halo for a moment, luminescent in the multicolored lights of the house, and leans closer to Skeet. She’s holding a red solo cup, Skeet’s holding weed, and Kai’s arms are starting to hurt from all the soda.

“So, your, like, real name is Skeet? What kind of name is that? I mean, like, who does that to their kid?” she’s asking, valley girl accent and everything, even twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

Skeet shrugs, unbothered. “My parents are hippies.” he spots them, then, and lifts his joint in a get over here gesture. Kai and Adam shove some people to stand in front of him. He grins. “Oh, dudes, nice. You got drinks. I wasn’t sure if you would, since Mira told us that you, uh, made a pit stop.” he waggles his eyebrows.

Kai groans, flushing.

“Uh, yeah,” Adam says, lifting up his bags. “for drinks? Hello?”

Skeet leers, grin stretching bigger. Kai scowls. He’s going to eat her one day, all Hannibal-Lecter style.

“Where is Mira, anyway?” he cuts in before Skeet says anything weird. “Where should we put the drinks?”

“Oh, just, you know,” Skeet makes a vague gesture with his hand that doesn’t really mean anything. “I think I saw her in the kitchen?”

“Thanks,” Kai mutters, shoving through the crowd and deeper into the house.

Mira and Vanessa are leaning against the sink, Reeve’s standing at the counter, completely covered in bottles of alcohol, thumb and forefinger at his chin like he’s surveying fine art. 

“Oh! You made it! I hate vodka without coke,” Mira says, striding forward and grabbing the bags from Adam.

Kai followers her back to the counter, and shoves the receipt into Vanessa’s limp hands without looking at her. Together, Kai and Mira start to set up the drink line, stacking up all the empty red cups at the edge of the counter as they try to make sure all the soda and alcohol are equally accessible. How Skeet even gets this stuff... he shudders to think. 

Kai waits until Adam and Reeve have wandered out of earshot to lean into Mira’s space. Vanessa had vacated the premise the moment it looked like any physical work would be happening, so he doesn’t worry about her particular brand of nosiness. He takes his phone out of his pocket and tilts the screen so she can see it.

“My texts didn’t send,” he tells her in a low voice. “We weren’t actually, you know.” he flushes violently.

Mira shoots him a grin. “No, I guessed that something had happened. It was just funny. You look nice.”

He smiles at her, genuinely, which means his gums are probably showing. She looks nice too, in her little black dress with a flared skirt and combat boots. The neon green streaks in her hair glow in the weird light of the house.

“I like your outfit,” he says. The din in the background is starting to grow. More people have probably showed up.

She nods at his jeans. “Cuffed jeans. The true mark of a bisexual.”

Kai nods very seriously. “I can’t leave my house without announcing every aspect of my sexuality to the entire world.”

Adam’s talking to a group of people at the other end of the kitchen, his smile is blindly white in the pink light, skin pitched a shade darker, a stark difference against the glow of his white shirt. Staring, unable to look away, Kai steals Mira’s cup and takes a swig. It’s straight vodka, so Kai coughs immediately when it hits his tongue.

Mira laughs at him.

-

Group: party  🎉🥂🥳🎊 time

speedyskeet: do any of u know anyone named travis montery

mirakat: no

lochnessa: No

abeaverdam: Nope!

humantorchkai: no

reever: nah

speedyskeet: fucking L lmao

speedyskeet: im kicking this fool out then

-

Kai’s wandering around, pleasantly buzzed from two Cherry 7-Ups with a tiny bit of vodka, looking for any familiar face. Mira and Reeve had abandoned him pretty much straight away, he’d left Adam alone in the kitchen, and he’s actively avoiding Vanessa. 

He stumbles around, moving his shoulders a bit in time with the music, his body gone languid and loose from the heat and the alcohol and the atmosphere.

His phone beeps at him again. He really hopes it's not Skeet checking with them before he bounces a guy again. It’s just Mira, he sees, when he’s fumbled his phone out of his back pocket. He has to squint to read in the pink light amid the thrumming bodies of people all around him.

Eventually, he escapes the crowd and heads down the stairs to the “game room” and finds another living room, with a soft white carpet and a couch in front of a big flatscreen. There’s a group of about a dozen kids, plus Kai’s friends, sitting on the carpet in a circle by the couch, with a beer bottle laying on a Monopoly game board. Kai blinks, the lights here aren’t fun colors, and everyone in the circle raises their arms and cheers when they see him.

He walks over to them. Mira grabs his arm and begins to drag him onto the carpet beside her. The group begins to chant.

“Spin the bottle! Spin the bottle!”

Oh, no fuck, Kai thinks, beginning to resist Mira’s grip on his arm. His drink is sloshing about, and Kai holds it away from his shirt and pants as he tries to reverse his crouch and pull his arm back. Skeet reaches up and confiscates the cup, downing the rest of it in one go.

“Spin the bottle! Spin the bottle! Spin the bottle!”

But he’s buzzed and his coordination is spotty, so when Adam reaches out with his hand and spins the beer bottle, Mira tugs once, hard, and Kai crashes onto the carpet, and the bottle spins,

and spins,

and spins.

And points the neck straight at Kai’s disheveled spot in the circle.

So, let’s revisit that cursed theory, shall we?

Kai looks at Adam, and Adam looks at him. He’s got that dopey half-smile on his face, and his pupils are blown wide, iris a thin gold ring around them. Kai knows when Adam’s drunk, or blackout, and he’s tipsy right now, just like Kai. And... oh no. But the kids in the circle are jeering, giggling delightedly.

“Uh,” Kai says.

Adam licks his lips, and Kai tracks the movement of his tongue helplessly. His eyes are moving on Kai’s face, like he’s cataloging everything, like he can’t keep them still. Kai’s mouth is very, very dry, and he misses having the cup in his hand.

“So, uh,” he says, and the tension buzzes even harder. “Is this, like, a kissing thing?”

Skeet grabs him by the arms and manhandles him up. Reeve and Vanessa grab Adam and start frogmarching them down the short hall toward some rooms and closed doors.

“No,” Skeet says, “This is more like a seven minutes in heaven thing.”

“Wait,” Kai says. Skeet reaches past him and opens a door. “Wait.” Skeet pushes him in, and Adam follows behind. “Wait.” The door clicks shut, then there's a clunk, then the sound of something heavy being pushed against the door.

Kai tries the knob, but it's locked. He jiggles it, but his muscles won’t cooperate and yank hard enough. Adam could probably break it open, but Kai has the vague thought of Vanessa’s parents and property damage, and underage drinking.

“Guys!” Adam yells. He pounds on the door with his fist. “Guys! This isn’t funny!”

But they don’t answer.

Evil. Mental note: make sure your friends aren’t evil next time.

“Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while,” Kai sighs, giving up on the door.

They’ll just have to wait out the seven-minute sentence. It’s simultaneously worse and so much better than the alternative. This way, Adam won’t have to kiss Kai if he doesn’t want to. But also: he won’t have to kiss Kai if he doesn’t want to. It’s a testament to how drunk all of them really are.

Kai turns, presses his back against the door, and slides down it, pulling his knees to his chest, wrapping his hands around his shins, and resting his cheek on his knee. He surveys the room. It’s small and dark, Kai doesn’t have the wherewithal to search for the light switch, but from what Kai can see it looks like a guest room no one ever uses and has accumulated with old junk. There’s a tiny window at the opposite wall that leads up to the lawn. Adam groans and drops onto the ground beside Kai.

The night is clear the moonlight is touching the window and peeking into the room. Adam’s shirt is glowing against his skin from the moonlight, his eyes a bright point in the semi-dark of the room. Kai locks eyes with Adam, and the tension from earlier crops back up tenfold.

This situation is... stupidly pointed. Kai’s pretty sure Reeve is the only person in the world who knows Kai thinks Adam is kinda hot, but he’d also have to be massively stupid to ignore the strain in their friend group lately.

Adam’s looking at him the way he does right before he reaches out to touch Kai’s hair, or brush his fingers against Kai’s freckles, or leans over to kiss Kai’s cheek. He’s looking at Kai like a hungry man, like he’s about to make the stupidest decision of his life and never look back. Kai can feel the pull of that look drawing him in, the temptation to run his hands against Adam’s chest, touching his shoulders or his mouth.

So Kai does the only thing he can think of.

“What did you think of that new Hey Arthur episode?”

Adam blinks at him. “Uh. You mean that kids show?”

Kai bites his lip and nods vigorously. 

Totally. Totally. Totally screwed.

-

reeb: [A video of Mira on the dancefloor among a huge throng of teens. The song in the background is completely drowned out by people attempting to sing along drunkenly. She’s grinding against Vanessa, who’s wearing Skeet’s sunglasses and drinking a mimosa with a cocktail umbrella in it.]

(Not sent !) kai: let us out of here!!! its been like 15 mins!!!! guys!!! dam’s phone is dead!!!!!

(Not sent !) kai: goddamn it COME GET US

(Not sent !) kai: NOTHING IS SENDING!!

reeb: lol wya we cant find dam either

(Not sent !) kai: YOU LEFT US IN THE BASEMENT

-

“Ugh,” Kai says, flopping back down onto the pillows beside Adam. At some point during their imprisonment slash debate on the ethics of twenty-three seasons of the same children’s cartoon, they’d moved from the floor to the twin bed. “I’m pretty sure they forgot about us.”

“Well, it’s been like thirty minutes. And they’re drunk.”

Kai’s starting to sober up. He has to pee, and his mouth tastes like cherry coughdrops. He stands up on the bed, bouncing a bit on the mattress. He reaches up and touches the seam of the window and the sill.

“What are you doing?” Adam asks, trepidation in his voice.

“Uh, escaping?” Kai says.

Kai presses his foot onto the upside down elliptical that’s propped precariously against an old wardrobe. He puts some of his weight on it, testing. Satisfied that it won’t give, Kai lifts himself up onto it, closer to the window, and pushes against the glass pane. The window opens out suddenly, making Kai wobble. The wardrobe groans.

“Careful!” Adam barks.

Kai glances back at Adam, his worried eyes watching Kai from the bed, sitting up on his knees in a half crouch. Kai sticks his head out the narrow window, then his shoulders, and manages to drag himself up and out.

He turns back around and offers his hand to Adam.

“Come on,” he says. “I’ll help you out.”

Adam climbs up onto the elliptical like Kai had, reaches his right hand to Kai’s left and uses his left to leverage himself closer to the window. The wardrobe and the elliptical make that sound again, like they’re scraping together.

“Hurry!” Kai says, afraid of the whole makeshift apparatus falling apart. Adam’s left palm slaps against Kai’s right and Kai pulls.

The elliptical falls over as Kai yanks Adam up, a great big crash resounding in the room they just escaped. Kai’s momentum and Adam’s weight makes Kai step back once, then twice, then his footing goes and he sprawls onto his back, Adam on top of him, in one big undignified heap.

Adam looks down at him. He looks more sober, too, like he hasn’t had much to drink. Kai should really be pushing Adam off of him. Or trying to sit up. But his hands are on Adam’s waist, and Adam’s looking at Kai’s face like he can’t quite look at anything else, and Kai cannot, for the life of him, break this moment.

Adam’s hands are on either side of Kai’s face, boxing him in. His breath puffs against Kai’s mouth over and over as he breathes shallowly. His eyes flick all over Kai’s face, and Kai’s thinking kiss me, please so hard he’s pretty sure NASA catches the brainwaves.

“I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice,” he says, voice soft and vulnerable, like Kai has the power to hurt him with whatever Kai says next.

Kai’s hands tighten on Adam’s waist. He’s thought about this a lot. Like, a stupid amount. Who doesn’t daydream about confessing to your crush? But Kai cannot dredge up any words to say. He’s dry, completely dry, and he can only think about how good Adam’s weight feels on him. He dips his eyes to Adam’s mouth and thinks This is where I kiss him, right? and Adam’s eyes slide shut as he leans in, towards Kai, and Kai loses his mind.

The backdoor opens, the sounds of the party spilling out into the night air, pink light washing over them. Adam scrambles off Kai so fast that he’s pretty sure he breaks the world record for speed, and stands up.

Kai props himself onto his elbows and squints at the silhouette in the doorway.

“Vanessa?”

“Oh my God, there you guys are!” she leans back into the house to yell, “Guys! I found Adam and Kai! They were fucking around in the backyard!”

“Hey!” Adam snaps indignantly. “You locked us in the basement! We had to escape!”

Vanessa rolls her eyes at them.

-

adam: hey uh

adam: sorry about what i said when i was drunk lol

adam: i didn’t mean it

-

Kai turns his phone off and stuffs it into his bag, frustrated. He hadn’t meant to not talk to Adam all weekend, he’d just needed to think things through, and then his dad had asked him to help paint the deck, and he’d had to finish up some code for robotics and time had kinda slipped away from him without really meaning to.

He hadn’t meant to ignore everyone else, either, but they weren’t in a Situation with Kai on Friday night, and he’s not in love with them, and they didn’t seem to mind so much. 

Kai had spent all weekend staring at the texts, in between being too busy to answer them, but he can’t figure out what to say back. He’d gotten them Saturday morning after the party, probably because he hadn’t stuck around long enough to be left alone with Adam again.

Kai had left because.

Well, because.

Because he feels played.

Is that it? He can’t tell. He just feels so hollow about it. Adam doesn’t mean to, Kai knows that, but it still feels like he’s being led on. Adam has kissed him once while black out and almost kissed him while tipsy and flirts pretty outrageously, and it’s all too much for Kai’s head, which is designed for building robots and lying to his English teachers.

So at lunch, instead of going to Mr Tucker’s room, he lets Freddie from Calc drag him to the auditorium to help build the drama department’s Spring play set.

He’s not avoiding anyone. He’s just... helping his friends.

Fuck.

-

reeb: ok i give

reeb: wtf is going on

kai: ?

reeb: don’t “?” me mfer

reeb: adam is sulking n shit and u’ve been sorta MIA

kai: i’ve been busy, sorry

kai: i am the captain of a team u know. its not personal. i’ll hang out with you guys soon

reeb: spidey sense says there is something u are not telling me

kai: i really do think your spidey sense is actually overactive bladder syndrome

reeb: [An image of the caveman spongebob meme.]

-

He’s in the library, sitting in his favorite spot nestled in the bookshelves, brow furrowed over The Great Gatsby, his English journal, the notes Hannah lent him, and the Sparknotes page for the novel, surrounded by every color highlighter and pen, just trying to get his homework done, when Adam ambushes him.

“You’re avoiding me,” he says, out of nowhere.

Kai jumps, sending his highlighters and books flying. Adam is standing above him, eyebrows furrowed and his arms crossed. He looks a little bit light a superhero, all righteous indignation at injustice, his muscles buldging slightly. You’re dead. Goodbye. his brain supplies.

“Holy shit,” he says, gathering his stuff back up slowly. “You scared me.”

Adam’s eyes soften. “Sorry,” he murmurs.

Kai shrugs. “Don’t worry about it.”

The silence hangs there as Kai avoids his gaze, reshuffling Hannah’s notes back into their correct order. He’s lost his page in the book, so he opens it to the middle and starts looking for the correct page number. There’s no sound in this corner of the library except for Kai’s over-loud breathing and the turning of pages.

Go away go away go away, Kai prays, wanting the world to end so he won’t ever have to face this moment. He thinks about the echo of Adam’s voice in his memory, Kai, look at me, the feeling of Adam’s weight in his lap, the ache Kai feels when he looks at Adam, and wishes that he could just stand up and run.

Adam clears his throat. “You’ve been avoiding me,” he says again, only this time it comes out more like a question.

Kai keeps his face as blank as possible, schools it into something politely curious unlike the shattered glass mosaic he feels like. “Am I?”

Adam rubs his hand across the back of his neck. “Look, I’m sorry,” he says haltingly, sliding his hands into his pockets. “I shouldn’t have... come on to you like that. It was inappropriate, and we were both drunk. And I didn’t mean it.”

Kai looks at him for a long moment. He can feel it, a rock on his chest, crushing him. He feels the ball in his throat, the hot prickle against the backs of his eyelids. “I know,” he says eventually. His voice comes out steady, even though he feels like he’s falling apart.

“So... we’re cool?”

Kai forces himself to nod. “Okay.”

“Really? Because I still feel like I fucked up somewhere here.” Adam takes his hands out of his pockets to open them, palms up, like he’s pleading. “Tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it.”

And it’s now or never. As much as Kai abhors the idea of talking about his feelings in the school library at 4 PM, as much as he wants to just lie through his teeth and stitch this all back up into one big internal bag of FUCK and pretend like nothing happened, he’d be leaving Adam hanging, and Kai’s not a dick.

He takes a deep breath. Then another one. He tries to channel his internal Reeve, but decides against it because Reeve’s kinda an asshole.

“I just... wish you did,” Kai says eventually. If he wasn’t himself, he’d slap him. Adam stares at Kai like he’d just spoken another language, like he’d just spat out part of a puzzle to piece together.

“Wish I did... what?” he asks slowly.

“Mean it,” Kai grits out, the words dragged from him. He feels ridiculous. This is stupid.

“Mean...?” Adam says, like he’s stupid. Kai scowls at him.

“Do you remember the St Eve’s party?”

Adam shrugs, looking helpless and confused.

“I drove you home that party. I drive you home every party. And every time we’re alone, you say that you like me, that you want me to go inside with you, that you think about me all the time,” Kai’s stomach is churning and Adam looks like he’s about to faint.

“I didn’t...”

Kai can’t hear him say it again. “And I know that you’re just drunk, and that’s just what you’re like when you’re drunk, but I just... I just wanted it to be true so bad. Part of me kept driving you home because I wanted you to be like that with me, part of me just wanted to pretend. But then you kissed me, and I just...” Kai makes a helpless gesture with his hands.

Adam licks his lips. He’s breathing a bit hard.

“...Fell apart,” Kai finishes.

Adam’s looking at him, wide-eyed, deer-in-the-headlights look, pure panic. Kai’s fucked it up, ruined their friendship, destroyed their friend-group, and will probably be unable to look anyone in the eye for a very long time. 

Adam didn’t want to hear this. Kai should’ve just lied, shut it all up and let himself wither up inside. He should’ve avoided Adam harder, or refrained from falling in love with him in the first place. He should’ve just dated Jesse when she’d asked and made himself get over Adam.

 “How long?”

Kai blinks. “Huh?”

“How long have you wanted...?” he shrugs.

Ah. The million dollar question.

“Officially? Middle of junior year. If I’m honest with myself? Probably since middle school.”

Adam’s mouth opens and closes nonsensically. Kai asks God to strike him down, just so this can end, just so Kai can go back to trying to figure out what the fuck is up with Gatsby and Jay, just so Adam will stop looking at him like that, like Kai’s killed his puppy.

Adam drops to his knees in front of Kai.

“Okay. Since freshman year. And I’m a liar. I did mean it. I kept thinking, you know, maybe you’d like me back, because I could see you looking, but I just couldn’t make myself say anything. And I meant it. I mean it. I do. I want to kiss you.”

Kai swallows. He’s feeling that dangerous thing again, like there are snakes in his chest, or his feelings are in a bucket that’s about to overflow.

“Okay,” he squeaks out.

Adam leans down and fits their mouths together. It’s chaste, and Kai’s lips are a little bit chapped, and he didn’t close his eyes, but when Adam pulls back Kai smiles so hard his mouth hurts. 

And he leans up to kiss Adam, insistent, insistent, tasting Adam without Hennessy whiskey (and he does taste fantastic), and something electric happens to Kai’s spine when their tongues touch. He feels like he’s going to burn up, burst into stars, create a fissure in the earth that goes down to the core, or all three at once.

Adam licks along the roof of Kai’s mouth and yeah - that’s the one thing he’d like to never, ever, ever forget.

He’s about to be totally, totally, totally screwed. 

-

Group: dandilyin hoes MFERsssss!! skeet DONT CHANGE CHAT NAME

mirakat: omfg

mirakat: k & a suckin face in library

mirakat: [A blurry creeper picture of Kai pressed against the bookshelves, Adam leaning over him. Their silhouettes are blacked out against the sunlight streaming in through the window, so they almost look like one body. It’s taken at an angle and half of a wooden shelf is in frame.]

speedyskeet: arent they in this GC too

lochnessa: Lmfaaooooooo

speedyskeet: they r gonna see this.....

reever: WTF ADAM’S INTO KAI???

reever: ?????

lochnessa: What planet do you live on

speedyskeet: fuckin jesus christ reeb

locknessa: Literally no one knew KAI was into Adam. EVERYONE KNEW ADAM WAS INTO KAI

reever: WHY AM I THE LAST ONE TO KNOW STUFF

mirakat: s2g i tld u this whn we were @ fortescue’s u nvr listen 2 me

-

“I hate them all,” Kai announces.

Adam looks up at him from where his head is pillowed on Kai’s thighs, Pride and Prejudice held aloft. 

“Don’t worry, I set all their ringtones to Maroon 5.”

send me a ship + a prompt and i’ll write you a drabble!

#The Hollow #My writing #answer #kaidam

[faustrinus]

Handsome (wolfstar)

Trans! Remus headcanon. Disclaimer: This could be triggering for some people because there's a mention of bullying. I do not know everything I wish I knew about trans people. If you don't agree with my thoughts on the community, please leave my profile. Here we love and respect the LGBTIQ+ with every single letter. A trans man is a man and a trans woman is a woman, that's it. Sorry if there is any mistakes. For the first time in years, Remus looked at his reflection and smiled.

Finally, it felt right to stare at his body shirtless. Every scar faded away in a long story full of fear and insecurity that ended up closing itself with the big two strokes that adorned his chest, striking and recent, it remembered him he was one step closer to physically become what he has always been.

A man. Of course, the scar wasn't the prettiest, and it was noticeable that it had other reasons behind it, not like the werewolf ones that were red scratches only caused by his unfortunate "furry" problem (or that's what James called it). But still, Remus was happy to have it, to feel that he owned his body. It was only his to change whenever he liked it, and it was only his to feel confident in.

He had some overwhelming memories while observing himself. It wasn't easy at the start, but he thought that maybe in the future things would get more accessible and the people more open-minded. The first steps of the transition, the acceptance (from both his family and himself), the different methods, the nervousness of trying to fit in again, all of that concluded in the scary nightmare of adapting. Remus dealt a lot with people trying to bring him down. The staring was something he could try to ignore, but the whispers were impossible to, and there were even people who "confused" his pronouns on purpose- it was an awful feeling. Suddenly, the need for external validation was something extremely hard to cope with when nobody tried to help. And then Sirius came into the picture.

Sirius was the nicest person Remus had met. He understood in a matter of seconds that his name was Remus Lupin, and he was a man, just like him. He never asked about before, and he got angry at every person who made the werewolf feel bad about himself. Alongside Sirius, James and Peter appeared. Both of them as supportive as they could, even when they had some difficulty understanding the whole situation. Falling in love with a man wasn't something that bothered Remus, but he was scared that it would lead to a "less-masculine" image, that he would lose the progress he had made. It wasn't until Sirius came to confess his feelings that Remus genuinely thought about it and said in big capital letters. Fuck it.

They started dating and things seemed brighter, and the top-surgery came. Remus kept it as a secret, hiding behind the excuse that he had some things to do with his family, McGonagall, the head-house of Gryffindor wished him the best of luck and he was on his way. Now, coming back to the empty dorms, his hands started to sweat. His friends would arrive at any moment, and he did not have any idea on how to share the news. Would they notice? the only occasions where they had seen him without a shirt he was facing the wall, so the only thing visible was his back. "Remus?"

He was so deep in his thoughts that didn't notice Sirius looking at him from the door. God, he was shirtless, and Sirius was going to see it, right now. "I didn't know you were coming today. I mean, I'm grateful for it. You don't have any idea how annoying James has been with his whole infatuation with-"

Remus turned around, breathing softly. "Surprise... I guess."

Sirius arched an eyebrow, coming closer to his boyfriend who was standing awkwardly in front of him. His eyes scanned every single scar, familiarizing himself with them. Remus didn't know what to do, so he just tried to keep it calm. "...Your scars look fine. Do they hurt?"

Remus laughed so hard by the sudden response he had to lean on the wall, "Love, didn't you notice anything different?"

"Well, it's the first time I see you shirtless... with you facing me..." He answered unsure, until something clicked, "wait a minute."

His hands slowly reached to Remus's chest, sight fixated on the noticeable two scars, the new ones. He was still smiling, and his eyes were watering so hard that the werewolf was scared his boyfriend could start crying at any moment. "So... how do I look?"

"Oh, Merlin, Moony," the boy started, his hands reaching to caress his boyfriends face, "You look handsome, well..you always do, but you are shining today."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

#wolfstar #Wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar headcanon #wolfstarfanfiction #wolfstarfanfic #Remus Lupin #Sirius Black #siriusblack #remuslupin #transremus #trans man #LGBTQ PRIDE

[jaegertango]

Contract

I return to Tumblr after almost two years because fuck learning how to do Ao3 and Twitter puts me in a rancid mood. Have some OC writing with a goblin.

Quel'thalas, home of the High Elves, was a region of legendary beauty and stupendous magics. Its radiant forests and mana-filled skies made it a haven to all spellcasters, as well as made sure every child of the Quel'dorei bore the boon of magical prowess. Being such an effervescent garden of study and bastion of delight made it most of everyone in Azeroth's number one wish to visit – but it was not so easy to travel towards. The High Elves, massively proud of their homeland, were also infamous for their xenophobia, and barred all outsiders from “defiling” their blessed region and taking what was theirs. Not one member of the Alliance, traveler of the Horde, even splendorous mages from Dalaran, were allowed passage to the golden land. For many years, only a scant few outsiders were given permission to enter the borders of Quel'thalas, and even fewer returned back from those woods.

And their xenophobic ways only grew more paranoid after the assault of the Scourge.

Arthas' crusade to the Sunwell, the crown gem and source of power for the Quel'dorei, had left the capital of Silvermoon and much of Quel'thalas in ruin. Their eternal font of magic had been corrupted into an amalgamation, capable only of poison, and the city had been sundered into two razed sides. Most of the Quel'dorei perished horrendously, only to be brought back as wretched shadows of their former selves, seeking only to appease their baser instincts. Only in the recent years, with the arrival of the Alliance and Horde banding together against the greater evils of the Scourge and Legion, could the newly dubbed Sin'dorei – the Blood Elves - attempt to heal their devastated lands and rebuild their ruined city. Despite their fears of outsiders, they demanded help, desperate for even the aid of “barbarians” to return themselves to their former glory once more.

“Mister” Jashuo Blasternut knew better, but he also understood their plight. As he sat in his Shredder, the Goblin was amazed at the sheer magnificence of the city of Silvermoon. He had seen plenty of tall buildings before in his time, but never could he have expected the spires of the Quel'dorei to lance the heavens so proudly, nor enjoy the tidy stone of the streets. Gadgetzan prided itself on its own technology and access to buildings made of metal and stone over wood and mud, but in comparison to how Silvermoon stood, he would've been breathless – were it not for the literal black scar ripped into the capital of utopia. It was the most obscene comparison, as the pilot gazed from extravagant splendor in the shapes of gold, scarlet and emerald – to a twisted artwork of unholy soil and desecrated treasure. It was almost laughable how obvious the comparison was: Jashuo could see a Magister walking in his silk robes of glorious azure, promptly ignoring the wicked burn lashes scorched into the streets not far from his right. Rather than try to admit that their city had been sacked, they instead hid away in what remained of the city, and refused to look at what had been destroyed. Perhaps it was too traumatizing, or perhaps it was an eyesore; perhaps it was both. Mister Blasternut would've understood either one, but that was why he was there: to make sure that Silvermoon City got the supplies it needed to repair itself.

So he waited on the streets in his Shredder, which was continuously coughing out smoke from its double exhausts thickly. Combined with the meaty grumble of its engine, every single Blood Elf in the city was giving Jashuo a wide berth. He definitely stood out among all of the glitz and glamour, and they refused to give such an obnoxious blemish to their amazing city. The Goblin frankly didn't care, though he was annoyed that they weren't giving his crisp suit the time of day. He dressed up for this! The least that the Sin'dorei could do was accept that he was there to help them and not “embarrass” them. At the same time though, it didn't matter. All that did matter was that his contact showed up and recognized that he was there to plot this contract with them properly. Being a benefactor still demanded the proper respect, and the pilot could only hope that the pride of a noble would not get in the way. It certainly would not be the first time...

Eventually though, he was greeted with a small contingent of Sin'dorei riding upon their daintily-decorated hawkstriders. The only reason that Mister Blasternut recognized them from any other clique of elves was due to them walking straight *at* him, definitely showing that they recognized his presence. The Goblin counted five of them – four guards surrounding a fifth. Too many for him to fight; rather, too many for him to fight and get out alive. His Shredder was equipped with enough state-of-the-art weaponry and thick armor to get him out of (and into) any scrap comfortably, but fighting five well-trained Mages would take too much time for him to make a victorious escape. At the same time, this was making the Goblin somewhat nervous: he had neglected to hire any goons himself. The Blood Elves might have been affiliated with the Horde, but he had a hard time trusting uneven numbers. Regardless, he was there to do a job, and all he could hope was that these Sin'dorei weren't trigger happy. Keeping his sidearm pistol tucked into the back of his pants, Jashuo smoothed out the front of his suit and tie, swept his brown hair back and adjusted his aviator glasses. With an easy step, he moved forward to make the drop from his Shredder-

-only to hastily dart to the right as a fireball exploded a foot in front of him. Even if he hadn't made the dodge, the sparks wouldn't have touched him, but the Goblin still yelped and made the effort to move away.

“Not another step, greenskin!” One of the guards growled, his staff held aloft. “Where you stand is already close enough to the Magistrix.”

“Close eno-  I'm twenty feet away!” Jashuo hissed, his hand behind his back in a clumsy attempt to snatch at his hidden weapon. He was unable to do so, and now it was obvious that he was reaching for something without actually drawing it. This only made the Sin'dorei more irked, and the other three were now drawing their respective staves and swords. With every second, the Goblin was highly regretting this meeting: these guys were thirstier for blood than Orcs!

“Perhaps once you've tossed away your weapon, we can assume you can be closer,” the first spoke again, his gaze tempered on Mister Blasternut. The woman in the middle merely sat silent, her eyes clearly concerned as she leered at Jashuo. It was not an argument that the Goblin wanted to lose, but he didn't have much of a choice. If it got bad, all he could hope for now was to scramble back to his Shredder before he got too ablaze. Surely they wouldn't do something so brazen though, right? Despite his instinct demanding that he not be that stupid, Jashuo once more paid them no heed, sighing as he pulled out the pistol and set it onto the ground. He held his hands up, trying to pass off his face as stoic, but he could feel his brows knitting together.

“Ya know, ya ain't makin' the best first 'mpression here!” He retorted back, flipping his hands back and forth to show he had nothing in his sleeves either. “I'm just a businessman here!”

The captain of the guard scoffed, but nonetheless nodded as he looked towards the Magistrix. She nodded in turn and began to dismount, her guardians following suit and forming up around her. While they all wore the garb of Spellbreakers, clad in intricate platemail, their lady wore a brilliant yellow dress definitely not for combat's usage. The fabric fluttered and glittered in any ray of light that touched it, giving it an ethereal appearance like that of the sun. She wore a mask in the shape of a phoenix's beak, but Jashuo could easily recognize she was a woman. Her hair was long and brown, a definite mane of well-kept locks in comparison to the Goblin's scruff. The two could not have been more different, the Blood Elf's tall and graceful to Jashuo's short and sleazy.

“Pray forgive the aggression,” she spoke in a polite, but curt tone, keeping her hands folded in front of her. “It is hard for anyone to trust outsiders, especially after our Ranger-General has seemingly returned from the dead.”

“...Seemingly?” Mister Blasternut grunted, and was luckily able to bite back any more sarcasm he had. He didn't need to give these Sin'dorei any more ammo to use on him. “I'm guessin' you're uh... Lady D'anthius then?”

“Indeed – and you hadn't even butchered the name! Consider me impressed,” the Lady D'anthius spoke, and even though she claimed it a compliment, the Goblin was somewhat annoyed at her words. Her tone could have sounded as pleasant as she wanted: it did not change the toxin her words meant.

“Yeah yeah yeah, I'm honored. Let's cut to the chase: you need metal for your city, aye?” Jashuo grunted, folding his arms over his chest. His bluntness seemed to take the Magistrix aback, for she visibly recoiled and responded quickly.

“Yes well I... ahem,” the woman spoke, and instantly the Goblin knew something was wrong. Those three words, combined with how she cleared her throat, wasn't like her previous tone. It sounded unsure and hasty, as if quickly being taken off-guard. Mister Blasternut was oh-so familiar with such a state of being, and even that cough was reminiscent of the many times he had to clear his head to properly talk. Yet, what most astounded him was how natural it sounded, as if the Lady's voice had only just started to make its arrival. When she spoke again though, it was with that same level volume and politeness.

“Indeed. The Scourge brought forth nightmares that have devastated our homes and left our people divided – but not broken,” she spoke firmly, keeping her eyes on Jashuo. “To that end, we need only the supply to return our people to grandeur once more.”

That tone returned, and the Goblin wasn't sure what to make of it. Now that he heard it again, something about her voice didn't sound correct. The words made sense, and they were definitely admirable, but now her tone sounded wrong. The Goblin kept quiet for a handful of seconds, trying to process what he could make of her statement to no avail. Maybe he was just overthinking it.

“Right... so metal for buildings and weapons and all that. Well, bulk's what I specialize in, so ya came to the right Goblin,” Jashuo replied finally, looking towards the destruction of the city to his left. “So uh... how much are we lookin' to buy here then?”

“Buy...?” the woman murmured blankly, though she instantly lit herself up to try and hide that question. “Oh! Well, that is what the contract is for, pray tell!”

There it was again. That tone of voice. It was striking the pilot in such a bizarre way that he couldn't put his finger on. Despite Lady D'anthius having spoke three times the amount of words in that “usual” tone of voice, hearing these other words was ringing in Jashuo's mind. Something was “off” about this woman, like she was putting on a different face and attitude. For some reason, this was gnashing hard against the Goblin, strongly enough that it was only when one of the guards cleared his throat that the pilot finally realized what the Magistrix had said.

“Aye, contract – y'know. Usually has cash to it. Ya are plannin' to pay for this, right?” Jashuo grunted, unable to stop himself from being somewhat snarky towards the Blood Elf as he raised an eyebrow at her. However, despite his own aggression, the woman nodded easily, and motioned for one of her protectors.

“Indeed! This legally-binding contract will confirm that, in exchange for your goods and partnership, Silvermoon shall pay you warmly for your services. The parchment requires only your signature!” Lady D'anthius spoke up as the guardian walked towards the Goblin with a roll of paper and a quill. After reaching upward quite a bit to actually snatch the contract, Jashuo unfurled it, and instantly heard a murmur through the Sin'dorei. He ignored it, quickly scanning the document.

“Er... that is to say, at the bottom,” the Magistrix continued, and it was only when she spoke that the Goblin looked up curiously at the group. They quickly silenced, and it was because of that sudden quiet that Mister Blasternut felt the disturbance in persona once more. This time though, he could see flashes of concern in all of their faces, namely the protectors, and a cruel thought entered his mind. Did they not think he was going to read it?... or did they not think he knew how?

“...Seems all in order,” Jashuo answered lamely, and he could feel a plan forming in his head as he read more of the contract. Any of his former cowardice was quickly being melted out in favor of spite. If there was any way to give him the bravery to do something, it was entirely out of implication that he couldn't. He raised the quill to sign, and now that he was more aware, could sense the tension as thick as the smog belching from his Shredder.

“Yannow, actually...,” the Goblin spoke up as the quill touched the paper, and he looked up just in time to see one of the protectors inhale slightly. Instantly, that reaction made it worth being shot at. “I gotta quick question here, Lady D'anthius.”

“You... do?” She asked, at first trying to keep up that air of significance, but quickly deteriorating back into that gentler tone. Now there was no denying that false attitude, and it brought a genuine grin to Jashuo's face, full of shining, sharp teeth.

“Ayup! Ya'see, I ain't just a goblin of fortune here – I do what I do for a good cause, ya'hear me?” He spoke idly, gauging their reactions curiously. Lady D'anthius seemed unsure of what to make of him right now, but seemed to be agreeing with his words.  “When I heard that I could be helpin' rebuild one of the greatest empires ever been 'round Azeroth, I knew what I had to do, see?”

“...Indeed?” The woman replied uncertainly, that fake tone trying to return, but the smugness of the guardians already coming back in full force. She seemed to be catching on that Jashuo was plotting something. He had to admire her thinking so quickly on her feet.

“Aye! So I'm here to help, I'm even here to take you tryin' to hose me with this cheap payment of a 'contract.' But here's the thing, Lady D'anthius,” Jashuo continued idly, then coldly insulted just quickly enough for him to segue into the next part of his explanation. The guardians instantly looked angered at the statement, but the Magistrix kept steady, seeming to predict the Goblin's tone as he kept talking.

“I ain't here to bullshit ya, so I'll make ya a deal. I'll leave ya this supply as goodwill, not a gold piece charged! But it ain't gonna be 'nough to fix even a tenth of what's busted here, or any of that crap I had to pass just gettin' here!” Mister Blasternut stated firmly, his bespectacled gaze now burning into Lady D'anthius' mask. “So I'll be here next week, with more metal for what ya need, and if ya play ya cards right, ya'll be back here next week with an actual contract that assumes I'll read it. I ain't here to bullshit, babe, so ya better not bullshit me back. 'Cause ya should know the first rule of business, Lady D'anthius:”

Jashuo took off his shades, his crimson eyes boiling into the Magistrix's mask as he leered at her.

“If we don't see eye-to-eye, there ain't even a copper to be made here outta yer Silvermoon.”

It was deathly silent as the Goblin glared at Lady D'anthius, and he was surprised in himself that he wasn't fidgeting or squirming under the collective gazes of all five Sin'dorei. Yet he managed to hold on, keeping his eyes fiercely on the woman as he waited for her response. She seemed to be scrutinizing him carefully, as if debating whether to even bother replying to him or simply sending her guards after him. Finally, after what seemed like months, she reached up to her mask to take it off softly, revealing her extremely attractive face, and very piercing green eyes burning back into Jashuo with laser focus as he was somewhat taken aback by her reaction. When she spoke, it was in a capable, natural tone of voice:

“Very well. I... graciously accept your donation, Mister...?”

“Blastanut! Mista Blastanut, please,” Jashuo smirked toothily, getting over himself as nodded in return. “I think we'll be getting 'long just fine, Lady D'anthius!”

“Then I hope that next week marks the... proper start of our agreement,” Lady D'anthius paused, then smiled as she bowed her head politely. Jashuo managed a short bow of his own back before clambering back into his Shredder and closing the lid. With a loud sigh, he felt his nerves instantly relax, but not nearly enough to stop him from making as quick of an exit as he possibly could from the city. It was only when the Shredder had turned the corner that Lady D'anthius shook her head, her captain gazing at her.

“It was probably wiser to detain him, milady,” he grunted, looking supremely tired suddenly.

“He caught our ploy. It was a mistake on our own parts, and thus should I pay the price,” the Magistrix replied, that “familiar” tone of curt politeness returning once more. “These Goblins have proven more cunning than expected: we will be smarter for next time.”

The captain looked satisfied with the answer, but as the woman placed her phoenix mask about her face, she looked back in the direction of where the Shredder had departed, and felt a soft twinge in her chest.

He was a curious one, that Blasternut...

#jaegerwrites

[fortunatelylori]

GOT: The exhausting march towards the dramatic TWIST

I think I’m going to shock people with this statement but ... out of all the season 8 episodes we’ve seen so far, episode 4 is by far my favorite. 

Now don’t get too excited by the seemingly warm tone ... what I mean by favorite is that I hated it less than episode 1 through 3, which is about as high a praise as I’m likely going to have for this debacle that is season 8. 

General impressions:

There are two reasons why I felt this episode was better than the last 3: 

1. It was more focused, with 3 clear storylines: D*ny’s war for the crown (story A), Jon’s and his family continuing to be dead inside (story B), Jaime’s return to his sister-lover (story C). This kind of focus and definite structure should be a given. However GOT decided to go all yolo on our asses this season and as we’ve already covered in my other reviews, it’s gotten to the point where I’m genuinely shocked to see an episode that doesn’t jump from plot point to plot point like an enraged orangutan on ecstasy. 

2. It was centered around this woman: 

Look at that face... Holy Shit! She’s going to give me nightmares!

Now, normally an episodes focused on D*ny would be bad news for me because I don’t particularly care for her, as half of my list of metas can conclusively prove. 

However, since she’s the only character whose POV isn’t hidden and her scenes aren’t cut short or drained of any and all possibility of actual human emotion, she’s become the only character that I can watch without feeling frustrated, confused or on the verge of an anxiety attack. I actually like to know what the hell is happening on screen and what the character wants in any given scene. Call it a pet peeve of mine. 

Although even D*ny, as well rounded a character as she is, suffers from the Ds oscillating trend this season. Last episode, D*ny stood her ground against the NK, committed herself and her armies to the defense of the realm and saved Jon’s life. This episode, she’s back in full Mad King’s daughter mode, with a pinch of Viserys on the side. 

But that’s a quibble, honestly and you can always argue that Jorah’s death really pushed D*ny into a dark place in which the crown of Westeros and her war against Cersei becomes more important than her own humanity. 

However, what isn’t a quibble is that death seems to have become a shorthand device the Ds employ to signal D*ny’s eventual rise as Queen of the Ashes. She loses Jorah in episode 3 and by the end of episode 4, she loses both Rhaegal and Missandei as well, leaving her in a seeming cliffhanger over whether or not to put the Red Keep to the torch as revenge. 

The problem is that D*ny had been chopping at the bit to burn down King’s Landing since season 7 when she had to be talked out of doing just that TWICE. This episode Tyrion once again has to put the breaks on D*ny’s fiery fantasies. 

This scene right here is a treasure trove of Mad D*ny clues. But let’s focus on two of them. Firstly, the impetuous to burn KL is stil there: 

D*ny: We will hit her hard. We will rip her out root and stem. 

Tyrion: The objective here is to remove Cersei without destroying King’s Landing. 

That is not a happy face ...

As D*ny put’s it, they need the capital because otherwise Cersei can continue calling herself the queen of the 7 kingdoms. 

That’s D*ny’s priority, folks: the acquiring of that stupid title. 

And if she has to march her weakened army, her sick dragon/child for thousands of miles and burn thousands of innocent people to get that title, she’ll do it. 

Considering this set-up, why exactly did we need Missandei and Rahegal to die? One day into Tyrion’s proposed blockade and D*ny would be roasting giant marshmallows in the Red Keep gardens. 

In my opinion,  the reasons for killing Rhaegal and Missandei are not tied to the dark!dany arc at all. Instead, Rhaegal gets killed because they want to make the D*ny/Cersei conflict as even as possible so they’re eliminating one of D*ny’s weapons of mass destruction. 

And Missandei ... poor Missandei gets killed in order to shock the audience. There is absolutely no reason to kill her in this way ... If she was to die, the time for that would have been in episode 3. They have to actually push the suspension of disbelief in order to convince the audience that somehow Euron got a hold of this girl from an armada of wrecked ships, instantly knew how important she was, dragged her back to the Red Keep and then brought her up on that wall expecting .... what??! 

Euron and Cersei are far too smart to believe D*ny will give up her war for Missandei so why kill her so publicly? To intimidate D*ny? They didn’t need Missandei for that. They could have just as well beheaded all of the hostages they took from the ships. 

They kill Missandei because that’s the easiest way for the Ds to surprise the audience and for them to garner some sort of sympathy for D*ny when she eventually does end up going all Pablo Escobar on a city filled with a million people. 

The other glaring Mad D*ny moment in the scene and one that plays straight into political Jon, is this: 

Sansa: The men we have left are exhausted. Many of them are wounded. They will fight better if they have time to rest and recuperate. 

D*ny: How long do you suggest? 

Sansa: Can’t say for certain. Not without talking to the officers. 

D*ny: I came North to fight alongside you. At great cost to my armies and myself. And now that the time has come to reciprocate, you want to postpone?

Jon: The Northern forces will honor their promises and their allegiance to the queen of the 7 kingdoms. What you command, we will obey. 

I’ve seen a lot of people being angry at Jon for “taking D*ny’s side” in this conflict but in order to understand how this plays into political Jon, there are 2 things you need to keep in mind: 

The first is exactly when Sansa intervenes in the conversation. She steps in directly after both Tyrion and Jon manage to convince D*ny not to burn down King’s Landing. D*ny reluctantly agrees to the blockade because that would mean having to wait to take the crown and as she puts it: 

D*ny: The longer I leave my enemies alone, the stronger they become.  

Now Sansa wants to delay her even further. This is not acceptable to D*ny. 

In addition to that, I don’t think Sansa appreciates just how dangerous and volatile D*ny is. She doesn’t know about the men being fed to dragons, or the 163 crucified masters or how close she was to jumping on a dragon and burning down KL in the past. 

Jon, however, does understand D*ny quite well by this point. I don’t buy his speech as him agreeing with D*ny at all in this scene and considering this is the face he puts on to silence Sansa: 

I’d say this is a guy desperately trying to keep a bomb from exploding directly in the face of someone he cares very deeply about. 

Narratively, I believe this is supported by the Sansa/Tyrion scene later on when Sansa is surprised to realize that Tyrion is actually afraid of D*ny. She simply hadn’t considered that people are scared of what D*ny might do. 

As interesting as D*ny’s descent into madness is (despite Missandei’s useless death), it’s counterbalanced by the shit show that continues to be Jon Snow. 

Watching Jon’s arc this season, and by extension all the Starks, is like banging your head against a concrete wall over and over again, without making a dent. It’s pointless, exhausting and painful. 

At this point I don’t care if he’s in love with D*ny or Sansa, if he’s pol!Jon or idiot!Jon, if he wants to be king or fuck off beyond the wall. I genuinely don’t care anymore. What I do care about is being given access to Jon’s story enough to figure out what the hell he wants and what he’s doing. 

It’s one thing to keep a character’s POV hidden for an episode but we’re going on almost 2 seasons now. And Jon isn’t a secondary character like Littlefinger where you can get away with hiding the POV because he’s not as big a part of the plot as a main character is. 

But Jon is a main character and this effort to keep him enigmatic and mysterious isn’t only wreaking havoc on his arc but it’s also affecting the rest of the Stark family. Case and point: 

In case anyone is keeping score, this is actually the first and only scene all the Starks have together in 4 episodes, amounting to 5 hours of footage. 

And just look where they decide to end this scene! Right when we’re going to see Arya and Sansa react to the parentage reveal and see what they and Jon discuss next. They gave us the mere bones of this scene and left us without the meat. 

The important part of the scene, the emotional underbelly, the opportunity to see these people come together and support and embrace Jon as the Stark they still think he is, is taken away from us. Because that would chip away at the mystery surrounding Jon’s arc this season. 

I’d argue depriving Jon and the Starks of the emotional bond they share is way too steep a price to pay for what is essentially a cheap thirll that becomes cheaper and cheaper by the minute considering they’re delaying whatever reveal they’re planning on making past the point of me giving a shit!

This episode did, however, give me the perfect visual way of describing Jon’s storyline right now. Jon is basically stuck between: 

and 

and he chooses neither. 

He sends Ghost away (without patting him because having KH and the wolf in the same frame would be too costly for the overly expensive GOT) and refuses to ride Rhaegal because ... reasons. 

So instead of seeing him choose between being a direwolf and a dragon, we’re seeing him do nothing, while looking overly enigmatically blank for 5 hours straight. I just .... I’m sooooo tired of this. Can this be over now?

PS: I’d discuss Jaime’s storyline this episode but I don’t want to say: I told you so ... Well ... ok, if you insist:

a little sour milk dribble on Tormund’s beard and a silly giant story isn’t going to make me forget that Jaime has arrived in Winterfell on the coat tails of a 20+ year toxic relationship with a woman who is not only his twin sister but is also currently pregnant with his baby.

Also:

Jaime: She (Cersei) has always been good at using the truth to tell lies. Don’t be too hard on yourself. She’s fooled me more than anybody.

Tyrion: She never fooled you. You always knew exactly what she was. And you loved her anyway.

Yeah …  Imagine entering a relationship with a guy exiting THAT. Dealing with sour milk beard is mild by comparison.

(source)

Favorite scenes

The “If you love me, you’ll erase yourself” scene: 

There is something so deeply disturbing about this scene that I can’t help but be fascinated by it. The J0nereys relationship has always been toxic and this scene right here encapsulates just why: 

In order to be with D*ny, Jon needs to give up everything that makes him who he is. In season 7, he was forced to bend the knee and suffer the ire of the entire North for it. Now D*ny is asking him not only to give up his claim but also lie about who he is and separate himself from his family in order to make sure that D*ny gets to be queen. 

No one, not one person in this world, no matter how beautiful, rich, good in bed or seemingly in love with you, is worth you giving up who you are and removing yourself from your family (provided said family is not toxic, of course). And anyone that would ask you to do that, should be dumped on their asses pronto.

Jon can’t do that, unfortunately. Because he’s brought D*ny here to fight “his war” and pretended to be in love with her. And also because D*ny simply isn’t rational anymore. So he’s stuck apologizing for people liking him (just think about that!) and having to put up with her saying things like: 

D*ny: It doesn’t matter what you want! You didn’t want to be king in the North! What happens when they demand you press your claim and TAKE WHAT IS MINE? 

Except the crown isn’t D*ny’s. It never was. Logistically speaking, the crown belongs to Cersei right now. Legitimately, the crown is Jon’s. It’s D*ny that is actually taking what is his, not the other way around. Imagine making someone apologize for you doing that to them. That’s all kinds of messed up. 

Speaking of which: 

Jon: You are my queen! I don’t know what else I can say!

D*ny: You can say nothing! To anyone! Ever! Never tell them who you really are. Swear your brother and Samwell Tarly to secrecy and tell no one else!

You know what she sounds like? Like Tangled’s Mother Gothel convincing Rapunzel that she’s better off being her prisoner. 

Yikes! She’s genuinely terrifying!

Also: 

D*ny: Sansa will want to see me gone and you on the Iron Throne. 

Jon: She won’t. 

D*ny: She’s not the girl you grew up with. Not after what she’s seen. Not after what they’ve done to her. 

2 things: 

1. I hope every D*ny stan in the universe either denounces D*ny for victim blaming or closes their mouths about feminism, misogyny and pitting women against women for the rest of time. If you support this woman and consider her a positive role model, you are not allowed to discuss these subjects in public ever again. 

2. Can you really blame Jon for taking D*ny’s side against Sansa in the council meeting? He already knows just what D*ny thinks of Sansa and what she’d like to do to her if she is given the opportunity. Hurting Sansa’s feelings is preferable to her losing her life. 

The “This better not be unrequited love, Ds!” scene: 

This face right here ... this face: 

It’s heartbreaking. And what really angers me about this scene is that it could have been all the more meaningful had the parentage reveal been played in full. Actually seeing Sansa reacting, hearing Jon’s fears or his anguish, would make her fighting for his crown when he refuses to do so even more powerful and romantically charged. 

Still, this scene comes in direct contrast to the Jon/D*ny scene. While D*ny wants to force Jon to live a lie for the rest of his life, to humble himself and make himself small so she can have all the power and the love of the people, Sansa not only shoots down the possibility of her being the only one in charge of the North and holding steadfast to the idea that Jon will stay in Winterfell. She goes as far as tell Tyrion Jon is the rightful heir when she realizes that despite his supposed loyalty to D*ny, Tyrion is actually afraid of her. 

She sees an opening to ensure Jon’s freedom and she takes it without hesitation. 

If, at the end of all of this, Jon ends up going beyond the wall instead of staying with a woman who loves and values him this much, then Westeros truly is a cruel and horrible place and I’ll be sorry I invested so many years of my life to it.

Episode MVPs

Euron “Best General in fucking Westeros” Greyjoy: 

Euron gets to be MVP this episode because in one fell swoop he destroyed D*ny’s fleet and brought down one of her dragons. What can I say ... Competency really turns me on. 

Too bad Cersei doesn’t love him. If these two actually cared about each other, they could be the McBeths of Westeros. Nothing could stand in their way!

Lord “What an Icon!” Varys: 

What can one say about this glorious man? He is MVP for the second time in 4 reviews and somehow I think he’s not done yet. 

Varys and Tyrion got down to some realpolitick this episode. But Varys had some truly outstanding lines, like: 

Varys: How many others know? 

Tyrion: Including us? Eight. 

Varys: Well, then it’s not a secret anymore. It’s information. If a handful of people know now, hundreds will know soon. 

It’s so rare to find a man that understands gossip so well!

Varys: I’ve served tyrants all my life. They all talk about destiny. 

As a person born under a communist regime, I concur, Varys. 

And my personal favorite:  

Varys: You know where my loyalty stands. You know I will never betray the realm. 

Tyrion: What is the realm? A vast continent, home to millions of people, most of whom don’t care who sits on the Iron Throne. 

Varys: Millions of people, many of whom will die if the wrong person sits on that throne. We don’t know their names but they’re just as real as you and I. They deserve to live. They deserve food for their children. I will act in their interests, no matter the personal cost. 

If this show doesn’t end with a 7 foot, cockless statue of Varys presiding over the whole of Westeros as the ICON that he is, what was even the point?!?!?

#got8 #got8 spoilers #got 8x04 #got8 review #sansa stark #jon snow #dark!dany #lord varys #jonsa #euron greyjoy #braime