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lesbianseulgis · 4 months

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i need a laptop so fucking bad i miss giffing its literally been a year

#i hate being poor i would like my hobby back now #i’m kinda scared im gonna forget how to do it too #did u know i’m still paying for photoshop cuz i got a student discount and if i stop paying then i lose the discount for when i do get #access to it again capitalism is a fucking nightmare #i want to make stuff again whenever i watch something i’m like omg that would be a perfect set! oh. oh i cant.#i couldnt even do my top 10 of 2023 :(((

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moonlit-imagines · 2 months

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Headcanons for being the forgetful Avenger

Avengers x reader

warnings:

a/n: it not too long i so sorry

prompt: @glitchy-bean: “Hi!!! I hope you're doing good!!! Could I request smth with a really forgetful reader + the avengers gang? More like found family than anything romantic at all with a teen reader if that's okay!!!”

“well sorry” -you, consistently “i cant remember everything”

“you can’t remember anything” -nat

“yeah, y/n, were you dropped on the head as a baby or something?” -tony

“cut it out, guys. it’s not their fault they forgot thor’s birthday. besides, hes had a couple thousand” -steve

“are you calling me old, captain?” -thor

“at least im not the only one” -steve

it wasn’t just birthdays you forgot

much much more serious than that

rendezvous points, mission details, plans of attack, perp descriptions, where you put your keys, where you put your gun

you name it you forgot it

i mean—not always, but enough for it to be the running joke

“keep your comms on, y/n. not having a disaster like last time when you couldn’t remember whether to cut the red wire or green wire” -tony

“you wish i cut the wrong one” -you

“uh, no, that’s very harsh. i moreso wished you didn’t scare us half to death by nearly digging your grave” -tony

“oh ok i forgot” -you

“who left their macaroni and cheese in the microwave?” -vision

“damn! its cold. and crusted a little. how long did i leave this in here?” -you, poking your tray with a fork “and why are you using the microwave? you dont eat”

“this is a shared space, is it not?” -vision

“he’s got you there” -steve

“you’re just ganging up on me because you’re all miserable and you want me to be miserable too. i’m going to drive one of tony’s expensive cars now, you can’t stop me” -you, storming out

you walked right back in

“what’d you forget?” -steve

“wallet, phone, keys” -you

tony noticed

“where is y/n going with my car?” -tony

“not sure, just out” -steve

“probably gonna forget their turn signal and crash into someone’s car” -tony

as far as missions went, though, you were a bit of a powerhouse so you didn’t really need to be looked after on that front…just had to make sure not to blow anyone else’s cover

“hey, what’s the codeword again?” -you

“check your wrist, kid” -nat

“oh, right…okay thanks” -you

“*gasp* was i supposed to give the signal? i just kinda went in” -you

“ok, who told y/n they could give the signal. speak up now” -tony

*clint loudly snickering over comms*

kinda forgetting what you’re talking about in the middle of sentences sometimes but like, just glitching out

“something smells like it’s burning” -you “my cookies…”

you forgot to set a timer

and forgot you were making cookies

the avengers honestly did find it endearing

just a hyper kid who cant get their thoughts in a solid line

but they’d continue making jabs at you constantly

“maybe wanda can fix your memory problems” -tony

“i will not” -wanda

“oh well nevermind then” -tony

honestly with all your forgetfulness, you worried as you dusted away if anyone would forget about you

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @locke-writes // @sweetheartlizzie07 // @queen-destenie // @johnmurphyisqueer // @captainshazamerica // @ravenmoore14 // @canarypoint // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @swanimagines // @randomfandomimagine // @petersgroupie // @summersimmerus // @scarthefangirl // @bad4amficideas // @sheridans-dynamos // @simsrecs // @prettysbliss // @skdkdkckfk // @simp-legend // @wild-rose-35 // @nekoannie-chan // @evilcr0ne // @v0idl1nq // @ruvaakke // @thedarkqueenofavalon // @amirahiddleston // @beth-gallagher22 // @brutal-out-here // @rqmanoff // @elenavampire21 // @mymelodymia // @pheonixfire777 // @deanzboyfriend //

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ilwonuu · 2 months

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Hi I wondered if you can pls do another age gap one like with jeno but not so fast paced? Like maybe him or nana or even haechan? I really liked it I just wanted more *grabby hands*

yes of course!!!!! i hope this is good!!! let me know what you think. thank you for your request <3

love me

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ na jaemim

❦ pairing- softdom!jaemin x sub!reader

❦ warnings- age gap, unprotected sex, praise kink kinda, pet names, kissing, affection, lmk what else

❦ a/n- i need jaemin rn

❦ tags- @plutism for the divider!!!

today you had plans with your lovely boyfriend. na jaemin<3 a 23 year old you met through a coworker. very happy you did! you were a little scared about your age gap at first with you being 30.

the two of you getting over that as you seen how well put together jaemin was. he already had a good job and was able to support himself. that’s what you wanted. he was handsome, strong, kind.

what could you not want he is perfect. he made plans for the two of your at his house that is shared with jeno and chenle. he of course kicked them out for the day as he planned a pasta dinner for the two of you, some wine, and “whatever else you wanted” according to jaemin. he was excited as you can tell from his “on my way” text.

waiting for your boyfriend to pick you up from your house. packing some final things. not forgetting your bathing suit as you remember jaemin mentioning having a hot tub.

you were beyond excited to spend the night with jaemin. receiving a knock from your front door. you mentally noted that jaemin has arrived grabbing your things and heading to open the door.

there you see your boyfriend in a pink button up shirt. the top buttons open showing his chest perfectly. “hi baby.” jaemin smiles as soon as he sees you. “hello- you look sexy.” you touch his abs through his shirt as he mindlessly takes your things from you.

“yea? so do you gorgeous. let’s go?” he asks as you nod in response. he pulls you into a kiss holding you close to him as you go to his car. he opens the door putting your stuff in the car before helping you.

he gets in after smiling to himself. “i’m excited to have you to myself tonight.” his hand is already on your thigh as he starts driving. “i’m excited too! what about your roommates though? they’re okay that im coming?”

jaemin nods “i just kicked them out for the day they will probably be back tonight.” he laughs a little. you scoff as you laugh at him. “you kicked them out for me to come over? why??”

he shrugs taking his eyes off the road for a second to look at you. “like i said i want you all to myself for a long as i can.”

his eyes going back to the road as he continues driving. “you’re cute.” you smile not taking your eyes off the attractive man driving. his muscles flexing slightly. you can’t wait for you two to get to his house so you can just rip his clothes- and you’ve arrived.

“you excited for our eventful night at home?” he asks as you helps you out of the car. not forgetting your things. “i’m so excited.” you smile at his smirk. he is pushing you back against the car now gently. “i missed you all week.” he breathes into your skin.

you smiling as you agree. “i missed you more.” he pulls you into a sloppy kiss. holding your waist softly. “okay i need to stop before i get harder than i already am.” he laughs as he guides you into his house. both of you taking your shoes off as you sit on his couch.

he smiles at your getting comfortable as he turns away from you for a second. “you want to eat now or later?” he turns back to you seeing you already laying back on the couch. “i’m gonna say later.” he chuckles. you agreeing with his statement.

“what about some wine?” he suggests. “please!” you say laughing as he nods bringing over two glasses and the bottle. “i know you would never turn down some wine.”

he smirks pouring some wine in your glass handing it to you. doing to same for himself. “of course i won’t say no! the wine you get is always so good.” you compliment him causing him to just smile.

“i’m glad you enjoy it.” he smiles planting a kiss on your head. “baby ima get changed into something more comfortable want to come with me?” jaemin asks as he gets up.

“yep i need to get out of this skirt.” you sigh at the thought of being more comfortable. jaemin nods as you follow him to his bedroom. him unbuttoning his shirt completely as he gets in his room finally.

your eyes shifting towards his chest i mean whose wouldn’t. he just smirks to himself at your gaze. you pull yourself out of your thoughts as you take off your skirt. now his gaze shifting to you.

you feel your boyfriend against your body. behind you to gently pull you into him. you smile into his touch. “you look so beautiful.” he feels his dick get harder at his own words.

pulling you around to face him. “thank you jaem.” he nods. as he starts kissing your neck. “of course-kiss- i missed you so much.” he breathes into your neck. his bare chest against your back.

you just in your sweater and underwear. jaemin shirtless in just his black pants. “missed me how much?” you tease as he continues to kiss ur neck. “want me to show you baby?” he whispers into your ear with a smirk. “yea- want you jaem.”

you say biting your lip a little bit. he just kisses your cheek before pulling your sweater over your head. he guides you back onto his bed gently laying you down to hover over you.

“can i taste you? missed it so bad.” you nod at his question as you watch him move down your body. settling in between your legs. he tugs your panties down aggressive.

“jaem- o-oh.” you were caught off guard as he is already devouring your pussy roughly. your hands going to grip his hair to tug. he groans in response. “keep doing that baby.”

he breathes out before going back to eating you out. your moans getting desperate as you continue to tug on his hair. his moans sending a shiver through your pussy. “f-fuck jaem! i’m gonna cum!” you cry out.

his response being to open your legs wider so he can eat you out at a different angle. “ja-jaem ah i’m coming!” you moan out again loudly as your cum on his tongue. him licking up your cum and arousal sloppily.

“pussy so perfect. taste so good baby gonna let me fuck you too?” he asks as he comes up to kiss you. “yea-“ you say in between kisses. “please fuck me.” you moan as you watch him pull his pants down along with his boxers.

“condom?” you shake your head as he just smiles. lining up his dick with your cunt pushing in slightly. “f-fuck baby. can never get enough.” he starts to fuck into you roughly. “jaem please! s-so good.”

you moan out as you feel your mind start to cloud up a little bit. “yea? fucking my girl so good? gonna cum again huh baby? gonna make another mess for me?”

all you could do is moan. his dirty words being overwhelming in the best way possible. he smirks as he starts to drill his hips deeper.

“o-oh fuck fuck.” jaemin groans against your neck as he feels you clench around him. “if you do that again i will cum inside you.” he confesses as you moan again.

“jaem i c-can’t coming-“ you cry as he hits your gummy spot over and over. “cum pretty girl. gonna cum in you.

you feel so fucking good.” his words immediately making you cum on his dick. “yeah- fuck just like that. cum for me.” he groans as he cums deep inside you. him fucking you softly as you both come down from your highs.

“so pretty for me.” he smiles as he pulls out of you. going to clean you up immediately. “you ready for dinner now pretty?” he asks while planting another kiss on your head. “mm i could just keep eating you.”

you laugh at your own joke. “sorry yes let’s eat.” he laughs at you softly before pulling you into his arms. “okay in like 5 minutes i need to lay with you.” he smiles as you wrap your arms around him.

#nct #nct imagines #nct x reader #nct smut #nct scenarios #nct u #nct dream #nct jaemin #jaemin drabbles #jaemin #na jaemin #jaemin smut #jaemin fluff #nct dream smut

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noeasyisnoisy · 1 month

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‼️TBB EP 10 & 11 SPOILERS BELOW CUT‼️

ep 10

who tf are these people

ykw good for you emerie

ARE WE FINALLY GONNA KNOW WHAT THE EMPIRE IS DOING

“YOUR responsibility” hemlock is setting her up for something

kids?

OH MY FUCKING GOD ITS INQUISITORS I THINK

omg those poor kids :(

why is bro smirking like that HELP

oh my god they’re gonna take that child.

BANE AGAIN??

poor baby omg MY HEART

i have a soft spot for kids i’m sorry

EVA IS ADORABLE

“when i’ll be going home.. can you find out for me?” IM IN PUBLIC IM GONNA START CRYING STOP

i don’t trust this green kid

CALLED IT

omg he just wants to go home IM GOING TO SOB

“i was following protocol” = “good soldiers follow orders”

why did i know his name would be jax

am i psychic or have we heard it before and i’m js forgetting

nala se 💔

“there is nothing i can do” YES THERE IS BE SO FR

NO NOT TARKIN

ngl i’m kinda surprised tarkin doesn’t know abt the project

OH MY GOD

PHEE

NO

omg what if (if he’s tech) she snaps him out of it.

“how many others like this have you captured?” oh honey you have no idea

i can’t stop thinking about the baby and his mother and THIS IS REALLY SAD

DID THEY KILL JAX???

“we just wanna go home” STOP.

SHE KEPT THE HAY LULA

AND GAVE IT TO EVA

SHE KEPT THE HAY LULA AND GAVE IT TO EVA!!!!

i’m rooting for you emerie

ep 11

where are we

PHEE!!

oh my god phee. (i remembered the convo w maybe tech)

IS THIS A TRAP

ITS A TRAP

I CALLED IT

PHEE WATCH OUT

i’m trying so hard not to get up my hopes that it’s tech rn.

what did he grab 🤨

tbb’s location or smth maybe??

SHE KNOWS

sneaky bitch

maybe tech’s ship reminds me of padmé’s ship a bit

not exactly but kinda similar? maybe it’s js the general shape

PABU

NO

pabu’s gonna be gone

NO THE CADETS

oh god are they gonna leave right before pabu’s attacked

TECHS GOGGLES.

GET OUT

STOP

AND LULA

OH MY GOD

i’m currently bawling my eyes out

notice how the island is completely in the dark

god i love lighting

HUNTER KNOWS

NO HE SEES HER

OMG NO

WRECKER KNOWS

holy fucking shit.

HOLY SHIT

HE BETTER BE ALIVE

IF THEY KILLED HIM ISTG

CAN I NOT CRY FOR TWO SECONDS

hunter knows

HOLY FUCK

I KNEW IT

PABUS GOING DOWN

ok this music slaps though

maybe tech feels like tech but the voice (accent, tone, everything) is SO different

my heart hurts omg

OMEGA SWEETIE NO ITS NOT YOUR FAULT

“i’ve barely done anything yet” first of all BE SO FR second yep oahu is a goner

ok but protective crosshair hits different every time

BATCHER STOP

if they kill batcher.

OH THANK GOD HES ALIVE

JENNIFER YOU SCARED ME.

why was hunter taking out that trooper kinda..

EAT HUNTER

GOD HES HOT

maybe tech no.

STOP

omgomgomgogmogmg

HES ALIVE BUT IM STILL SOBBING JESUS

I NEED TO CALM DOWN

OMEGA YOU ARE NOT GETTING CAPTURED

STOP IT.

she’s smart but it’s too risky

she’s grown up so much holy shit

“then you never should’ve come here in the first place” I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA KILL EVERYONE OMG

crosshair your hand better not start shaking.

HIS NOISE

HIS SIGNATURE NOISE

IN THE MUSIC

ITS BACK (it might’ve been back for a while but i didn’t notice it)

THANK GOD HUNTER

WET HAIR HUNTER⁉️⁉️⁉️

IM TOO HURT TO APPRECIATE FULLY THOUGH

update: i rewatched and that hair is NOT wet 😔

BATCHER!!!!!

oh my god hunter’s gonna be PISSED

i’m crying again

NONONO

HUNTER SAVE CROSS NOW.

NO

omega what do you know

is she meditating

THE FORCE???

IS SHE GONNA TAP IN AND TELL THEM BC IDK WHAT ELSE THEYD DO

ok so my final thoughts are i am HURT and still crying WHAT THE FUCK JENNIFER

#star wars #tbb #the bad batch #clone force 99 #tbb season 3 #the bad batch season 3 #star wars tbb #tbb spoilers #tbb season 3 spoilers #tbb s3 spoilers

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leejenowrld · 24 days

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I wanna try raw sexxxx but im not on the pill and my fwb always use condoms, how can i ask him!!?!? Have you tried?

oh girl i cannot tell you the amount of times i’ve had raw sex… i know it’s not good and that i shouldn’t be trying to promote it (which i’m not! stay safe besties!) but fuck i do love raw sex. fuck. fuck like it’s getting me horny rn. i used to be on the pill but i got off cus it caused so many problems for me. but i’m gonna go on it again soon, i’ve been trying to find the right one for me. i kinda have to be on it unfortunately cus i’m sexually active and i don’t want babies sorry 😭 not rn

but rn me and my bf usually use condoms but sometimes (a lot of the time) we run out and cba to get more and then sometimes we just get so into the moment we forget 😭 yes he does pull out but i loveee when he doesn’t i’m sorry honestly guys don’t listen to me and stay safe! because i have had pregnancy scares and have had an abortion before so! yeah!

and i feel like just communicating with ur fwb that it’s what you want and just asking him to try it once? idrk what i’d do in that situation tbh, just be cute and try to convince him but if it’s something that he really firmly doesn’t wanf then you have to respect that too

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enchxanting · 25 days

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our love is god [ethan landry x reader] pt. 10

read part 9 here || all parts

pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader

warnings: slight violence, blood, murderous fantasies, and obsessive behavior

a/n: that awkward moment when you go to college and forget how to write fic. lol <3. here you go, im getting back into it so just a short chapter.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK!

How the hell could I let this happen? What the fuck?

How does fighting with your best friend turn into triple homicide? How does getting a boyfriend make you an accomplice? A few weeks ago I was a girl with a crush, and now my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

I didn’t sleep last night. Ethan dragged me out of the house into his car. I was shaking the whole time. It didn’t feel real. We were speeding back to my house, swinging wildly around corners, and I remembered the way Mindy’s sliced throat bubbled with blood. I threw up all over myself and the passenger seat of Ethan’s car. That only scared me more. I thought he’d pull over and kill me right then, he seemed so manic, but he only glanced over and laughed. Fucking laughed.

That wasn’t even the sickest thing, though. He finally got to my house and I went to get out of the car, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back so hard I thought he’d dislocate it. He didn’t say anything, but his expression was so terrifying I got the message: don’t say shit.

My parents barely noticed when I came home. They didn’t even realize I’d been out. Typical. My boyfriend killed the only people who cared if I lived or died. Except him, of course.

The sick thing is that I can’t forget that sweet, shy boy from the cafeteria. Whenever I see him it’s like I shut down. Like a deer in headlights. I’ve got no control over myself when I’m with Ethan. He brought me to his place, again. Just showed up in his car. I thought it was better to do what he wanted.

Thank god no school tomorrow.

Y/N

As soon as I close my diary, I feel a familiar presence behind my shoulders. I tense as he wraps his arms around my neck.

“Relax, Y/N,” Ethan says. “It’s like you saw a ghost.”

I’m still scared shitless by him, but his comment makes me so mad that I push him off and rise from the living-room couch. “What the fuck, Ethan?”

His mouth widens into a toothy grin. “A little dark humor, sorry. Just trying to lighten your mood.”

I don’t give him the satisfaction of a response. He rolls his eyes and flops onto the couch. “So, who’s next? Should we kill Anika? Could be another suicide thing– not much to live for after your girlfriend and her brother and his kinda-girlfriend bite it. Or maybe Sam? She’s the reason you were even at Tara’s place that morning, after all.”

My blood runs cold. I open my mouth to say something, but the door slams. “Jesus, kids, you’re sure making a lot of fucking noise.”

Ethan’s dad waltzes in, smiling ear to ear. His shirt is partially unbuttoned and his hair and tie are askew. Sergeant Bailey smells like cigars, and I wrinkle my nose before I can stop myself.

Ethan rolls his eyes. “Celebrating, dad?”

The sarge pretends not to notice Ethan’s tone. “As a matter of fact, yes. We investigated and intercepted a pretty high-level bomb threat today. The captain took us out to celebrate. Still an asshole, though. I should be doing his job.”

“Bomb threat?”

“Yeah. A gnarly one, too. Some office building in the east of town. They put a Norwegian in the boiler room and a bunch of thermals upstairs that were gonna be set off after. Luckily the bomb squad got there before the clock reached zero. The captain…”

He keeps chattering about the details of his day and his “fucking idiot” of a boss, but it all fades out when Ethan gets that look in his eye again. I know this one: it’s the same look from the funeral. His eyes are stony. He’s forming a plan.

I can’t be in this house any more. I feel myself run out the door, and I almost make it to the street before a tight grip fastens itself around my waist. I kick and yell but to no avail. Ethan tightens his grip around me and kisses me, muffling my screams. I’m so claustrophobic, I can hardly breathe.

As he deepens this kiss, I do the only thing I can think of: I bite his lip, hard. He yelps and lets me go, and we both fall back onto the grass. He brings his hand down from his mouth, and I can see a trickle of blood on his fingers. “Cute, Y/N. Very fucking cute.”

“Leave me alone. We’re done. Whatever this thing is, it’s over.”

He grins, and there’s blood in his teeth. “You can’t bring them back. You’ve got to know that.”

I feel hot tears welling up. “I’m not trying to bring back anything, you psycho, except maybe myself.”

His face hardens. “I love you, Y/N. I love you a whole fucking lot. I’ve made that pretty clear. And you know what I can do. To anyone. For you. To you. So you’ll be back.”

His threat makes my head spin. I scramble back towards the road. For a second, I think he’s going to follow me, but he makes no move to get up.

When I hit cement, I turn on my heels and run. The sting of the wind burns my tear-tracked cheeks, but I don’t stop or slow until I’m safely upstairs in my bedroom with the door locked.

Dear Diary,

Am I going to homecoming, or hell?

taglist: @miawastakens dm or reply to be added!

#scream 6 #ethan landry #ethan landry fanfiction #scream 2023 #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x y/n #heathers #heathers au #jack champion

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ritz-writes-archive · 1 year

Text

Lies Taste Bitter (Just Like Ink)

yes im supposed to be working on the sequel. yes i got distracted. yes i wrote angst. yes it has lmk s4 spoilers.

have fun <3

Word Count: 463

Wukong and MK centric. Wukong POV.

Angst, Hurt/Comfort, kinda open ended but it follows s4 so iykyk

---

The black ink wrapped itself around Wukong’s body, slowly pulling him down into the scroll. He was scared. He couldn’t even deny it; he was terrified. He knew what the scroll did. It trapped you in a never ending cycle of memories, ones you’d much rather forget than relive.

He had a lot of those to go around.

The guilt overtook the fear, though. He could see MK, staring at him with a horrified expression. The ginger tried for a smile, though it felt pained. He was using as much magic as he could to slow down the ink, but he knew it wouldn’t last long. The scroll would take him eventually. He needed to tell MK what to do before that happened. But before he could do that, he needed to calm him down.

“Not exactly how I intended to spend my day,” Wukong quipped, voice strained. “But I suppose a little forced impromptu field trip never hurt anyone, right?”

He was aiming to comfort MK, but it seemed to have the opposite effect.

“Monkey King, I-I’m sorry!” the boy cried. “How do I stop it? Does it hurt? Are you—” He reached hand toward Wukong’s ink-covered arm.

Panic flared in the sage’s chest. “No! Don’t—” He yelped as he sank lower, his concentration cutting for a split second. He focused his breathing, forcing his magic to push back the scroll again. “Don’t touch it, bud," he warned through gritted teeth. "It’ll just pull you in too.”

“Then what do I do?!”

“You gotta seal the scroll. No matter what happens.”

MK’s eyes widened, color draining from his face. “What? No!”

Wukong smiled again, the trademark fake grin that fell heavy on his lips. “It’s gonna be okay, kiddo. It'll take some time, but I’ll figure a way out.” That was a lie. It curled around his lungs like a snake around its prey. But he couldn't stop to feel bad. He had to make sure MK understood. “I can’t stop this, so when it pulls me under—”

“When it what?!”

Wukong opened his eyes—when did he close them? Shit, the ink was up to his torso now, he didn’t have much time left—his heart aching at the sight of MK crying. “When it pulls me under, you need to close the scroll, okay?"

MK shook his head. “I-I’m not just gonna leave you!”

Wukong smiled again, this one smaller and sadder than the first, but still just as fake. “I’ll be okay, bud.”

The curse was up to his neck, trailing up his jaw, covering the right side of his face.

“Monkey King—”

“It’s gonna be okay, kiddo. I’ll find a way out.”

MK's lips wobbled. “Promise?”

“...I promise.”

He couldn’t tell if he choked on the lie or the ink.

@theweepingegg @fangirlneverlie @nightmarebunnyking

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patxhwrk · 2 years

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ooh jump scare /j Haha hey guys guess whos back

lost the ask but an anon asked: "I’m gonna need a part 2 of “in due time” cause that was amazing! Like what did y/n do to anger celestial, what happens when the fatui find out there death was faked will they try to get them back or deem them a traitor? The story was genuinely amazing, great work!!" thank u anon u are also great!! ^^

Sorry if youve requested from me and havent seen your request. I havent deleted any of the requests and i might take longet to post than i did before, but im gonna be writing fics i want to write to get back into the flow of writing. until then, have this fic i wrote like two months ago and never got to post :D lost my files so things are gonna look a little different, but its all good! Hope you guys enjoy this, might be a little different from In Due Time ^^ and might be a bit shitty because i forgot what my original idea was haha (also i listened to The Magnus Archives which kinda inspired this. its a horror podcast and if youre interested, you can listen to it on spotify or on their website. its a really good story and i really recommend it!)

-ˋˏ✄— Distant Watcher

[ pt 1 - In Due Time ]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ Fatui x Reader, Aether x Reader

Pronouns: they/them

"The past, nothing but a wilting memory."

.navigation. // .genshin impact masterlist.

To anger the gods is no easy feat.

Even if a threat was directed at the Celestia, they would merely shake it off, knowing that they hold power over anyone.

But this being. This...creature.

They are inhuman.

Neither mortal, nor were they divine. A shooting star from a different world, but they were unlike the huntress of the wild named Aloy.

To their world, they were seen above many.

They were like the Baladeer, but instead of a puppet created to serve a nation, they were created to watch over their people, to protect them.

A watcher, a spectator.

The observer, the eye.

Y/n L/n was sent by the divine of another world to watch over Celestia.

And that itself was enough of a threat.

─𖠄࿐

The moment they landed on the land of Teyvat, their memory had been erased. That was the first step that Celestia took as a precaution.

They may be from a different world, but as long as they were in Teyvat, Celestia could watch over them.

Though, no matter how much they would forget, one thing remained that not even Celestia can get rid of

Their purpose was to watch over the divine, and that would not change.

To them, watching, observing, all and any was what they felt the need to do. To watch as a shadow in the corner, or to observe as a civilian in the audience.

In audience of what? They could not remember.

But as they found the Fatui, as the Tsaritsa herself took in the outlander, they watched in silence as the memories slowly flooded back in.

Celestia could not keep them away.

So death had been the final option.

─𖠄࿐

That could not keep them away, too.

It only made it harder for Celestia.

Despite being gods, they could not find the watcher in disguise. They could not trace the bits of the Pyro vision they had given them in order to keep track of them.

Y/n L/n was nowhere in Teyvat, or so they thought.

But that was not the issue of the present.

Now, in the throne of the Zapolyarny palace, was the Tsaritsa, looking down at the traveller as he writhed in the grasp of Pierro.

"It is your choice, Y/n," she said, gaze turned to the outlander. "Heed at my call or he will face a fate worse than death."

She reaches out a hand, and speaks with a booming voices. "Come, distant watcher, as we bring mayhem upon Celestia."

Y/n reaches out a hand towards the archon, their back towards Celestia.

"May the divine who created you be pleased with our success."

—PATCHWRK!

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x gn reader #dottore x reader #dottore x gn reader #childe x reader #childe x gn reader #la signora x reader #la signora x gn reader #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x gn reader #aether x reader #aether x gn reader

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autisticempathydaemon · 8 months

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What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

‘You’re Gonna Go Far’ by Noah Kahan, I know these songs are kinda trending rn or at least they are on my fyp lmao. But I absolutely am obsessed with this song. So many of the lyrics are superrr relatable to me but I really love the lyric, “You’re the greatest thing we’ve lost” isbwieneo it’s so personal to me fr fr.

What is your Enneagram type?

9w1 :)

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

ok, ok, so. my imaginary friend was a girl with red hair. She was a little shorter than I was and I can’t remember if I had a name for her or not. She’d always match what I was wearing and we would play with my Polly Pockets all the timeee. Since I have a sibling I would more so play with them but my imaginary friend came to visit sometimes. She was really sweet. More outspoken than I was…if an imaginary friend can be outspoken.. She definitely had more confidence than I did.

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

I’d change my name to Drew, I just feel like my name is so basic. My dad always said if my parents had a boy they would’ve named him Andrew. And while i’m comfy with my gender I’d still love to change my name. It seems easier to change it to something that my parents already kinda considered.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

While I love all of them. I think my favorite is ‘Comforted by an Arrogant Incubus’ it was the first audio of Erik’s that made me feel safe. I think it was the first audio I cried too tbh. I just love it so much. I also feel like my mutuals will be shocked that I didn’t pick a different audio.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

…I love him so much, and i’m saying this because i’m like him. And it scares me how alike we are sometimes. But Guy… I LOVE GUY!! Please don’t get me wrong. I just don’t understand the hype. I’m also a lot like him so that might be the reason…I don’t think i’m all that so maybe my feelings towards myself translate to him. But do I listen to everyone of his audios? Yes. Do I enjoy them? Also yes.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier’ I KNOW EVERY WORD!!! Every single one. I had a marvel obsession and let me tell ya. You turn on that movie and no one will see me blink for the full duration of the movie. I won’t move from my seat. This movie has a chokehold on me fr fr

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

I really had to think about this one. Would I date this person? Yes. Do I think it would go well…Maybe, but i’d rather be friends. But Im picking Sam!!!! I feel like he’s the dad friend and I need that in my life. He’s the guy that i’m calling if my car breaks down or if I do. He’d let me come bother him at all hours of the day while also forcing me to take care of myself when I busy with college. I love him so so so much and want to be his bestie so badly.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

I start to ramble about how not tired I am. Like i’ll be actively falling asleep and will be telling the person i’m having a convo with that i’m not tired and i’m not going to bed. Only to be asleep thirty (30) seconds later. I also get really cuddly when i’m drifting off and normally Im not that cuddly cause of how warm I am.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

White cheddar popcorn, those chewy smarties ropes, and a coca-cola icee. it slaps fr

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

It’s a playlist that my best friend made when we took a twenty (20) hour round trip, road trip. It’s twelve (12) hours long and i’m obsessed with it. We had so many great unhinged moments during that drive. We still text about them to this day and the road-trip was last year lmao. We were slightly crazy to drive that much in a 36 hour span but it was worth it. We’ve got memories that we will talk about for the rest of our lives.

Extra info:

I’m the baby of my family, I’m going into healthcare, I love turtles (like kind of an obsession), i’m touch starved to the max but won’t do anything to fix it, I have a weighted dino and a weighted blanket that I sleep with. If I don’t have those I will explode. Oh, and I have a fear of sleepovers. So…yeah… :).

Thank you so much for doing this!!! It really made me think about myself which was fun! I hope you are having an awesome day!!

Hmmm, this one really had me percolating over the Redactedness brackets. In the end, it’s something about your Enneagram type that really settles me with Milo as your match.

9w1s are known as the Dreamers, characterized by this optimistic and unshakable sense of justice and a sense of responsibility to uphold it, to do what’s right. This seems supported by your goals of working in medicine/healthcare. That’s hella Sweetheart-coded which makes you a perfect fit for Milo. (Also, Milo is totally a momma’s boy, and I think he’d be so delighted to be with someone who works in health/healing like Marie. Like, not in a weird way, but it’d probably feel very familiar and loving to him.)

Also, Milo, like most shifters, is the perfect boyfriend for touchstarved babes who needed weighted things to sleep. We’ve all heard his “Comforted by-” audio; we all know he would give the best head scratches, and that’s not even mentioning what a fantastic weighted blanket/animal he would make in his wolf form. You’d be so sweet together: him with his cat, you with your turtle(s), those cats and turtles and their playfully antagonistic relationship. I can very much imagine Aggro being a dick to some turtles in a fun, cartoon, Tom & Jerry way.

Song:

You know I'll treat you right/ We'll dance through the morning while everyone's sleeping/ And if you get too tired/ Just rest your lips on mine/ Lovers don't have to just kiss in the evening/ I think we danced last night till three in the morning

One of my favorite fandom headcanons is that Milo loves old-school, classic love songs of the crooning, swing dancing variety; I think it’s some combination of his accent, rakish charm, and confidence. I could easily imagine this playing through your house in the evenings, those twilight hours between night and day, between asleep and awake, when you are sleepy enough to let him lead you through a dance.

Runner-ups:

Geordi, I love for you because I think he’s an unashamed Marvel fanboy, and I love pairing nerds together; y’all deserve it. Personally, I think he’s a Spiderman fan, and y’all could have some very fun debates about Team Captain America versus Team Iron Man. Elliott would be a cute runner-up because I think it’d be sweet to put two babies of the family together- like, your energies would match- and you two could have a fun college meet-cute; that setting would really suit him.

note: thank you for waiting so patiently~

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

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yellowanz · 9 months

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guys I have like 7 quadrillion unfinished or barely even started art, writing, or other things I need to do help I’m like drowning in wips rn

and as for the writing I get like. Nothing done because I’m scared I’ll mess up bcuz I want my grammar, uniqueness, formatting, and spelling of the texts to be just right and on point and I will not accept any mistakes possible‼️‼️💥💥

moreover, with the art it’s like. Im too afraid to try anything new and I’m scared I might screw up so I leave it in my gallery to rot and collect dust. And then my style changes so I like, never touch it again 😇 y’all won’t believe how many art wips I have on every single device I own like DAMN‼️‼️ how did my gallery get to 1,228 so fast??

Lastly, I still have things to do with remembering things because every single second of my existence I feel as if I am forgetting something and it’s nagging me so bad. Like I don’t know what I’m forgetting but my dumb pink scrambled mess of a brain doesn’t know what it is 😻 also Im about to accept a commission (if I fully decide on it and I’m not sure yet bcuz I’m kinda disinterested… I might DM the person right now and ask them what they want so I can accept or decline just by what they want yk) and ooh boy ygs KNOW that shit is prolly gonna take me a month because of

1. the pressure,

and 2. I have too much on my hands.

but like. There’s also schoolwork, and now it’s past the first week of school so u know after everyone’s settled in in the first week it’s like. Im gonna have mountain piles of work next week so yk I’m not gonna be able to have no time besides this weekend so I’m making da most of it‼️‼️

wow I’m rambling now

anyways yeah I have way too many WIPs and I have problems. Help I have a chapter in my notes for my AO3 + Wattpad books and deadass have NOT even started it LMFAOOOO💥💥 like bro it has gone untouched and the only thing I wrote is da bland ass name 💀 im a mess

(guys I forgot to add this image so here u go 😁😁 im out here forgetting things 24/7)

#guys do I have something or is this normal #like I am drowning in my sea of wips #actually gurgling for air #literally my tiny little fingers barely touching the air outside the water of wips #and I am suffocating #that’s how many wips I have guys…#Anyways this is just me rambling HELP #anz's thoughts #wips #wip #rambling #Bro I even have like a bunch of drafts on tumblr #of all places. thas how u know it’s bad 💀

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velvetwarfare · 4 months

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I do not have the energy to do serious threads (go figure im lame) so I’m gonna just info dump about the vistani culture w Beth instead because I love them.

• Vistani, a summarized version: To avoid cultural disrespect, we simply refer to them as traveling nomads or Romani (which is cutting it close already so that’s very loosely used), but you can obviously tell by the similarities to real ethnicities what they are based off of. The actual people they were based off of were the g.ypsies, but again, that’s frowned upon.

• They are commonly known to be fortune tellers, psychics blessed with divinity from birth (Mama Andreá), silversmiths, coppersmiths, haberdashers, cooks, weavers, musicians, entertainers, storytellers, toolmakers, and horse traders. Whatever coin they earn is usually shared amongst the settlement and friends within their circle. No one is left on an empty stomach or too cold on a winter’s night. This is why Beth still has her empathy and heroism intact — because she grew up with the knowledge on equality and family over anything else. These traits led to her permanent hedge knighthood.

• Vistani dress in bright cloths, bells, laces, jewelry, etc. While Beth prefers to always wear her knight armor due to her over-alertness, on the rare occasions she relaxes, she’ll wear duller colors of traditional garb. Bright colors don’t camouflage well and Beth never leaves her war-ridden mind, so relaxation and fashion always take second priority. Despite this, she will never forget her roots — so she can let loose when Barovia isn’t kicking her ass into the mud for the millionth time lmao

• Disagreement never results with violence. Usually, it’s through contests that end with reconciliatory singing, dancing, and storytelling. The Vistani are extremely laid back and chill. Beth hates needless violence, but kinda had no choice but to give in to her brutality as a Nosferatu that’s constantly hungry and takes on insane power when triggered. She’s verbally sharp and her intimidation (+5 which is hilarious because that’s even higher than some Strahd’s) crossed with charisma (+2) makes up for any physical assault, so she can stop quarrels before they begin because people are scared of her and not stupid enough to bark up that tree GFHFHGBB

• Quick to act when their lives or traditions are threatened, merciless when they believe they must be. On god. If you fuck w one Vistani, consider yourself damned at that point. These people travel in PACKS LIKE WOLVES. They can and will eternally curse your ass worse than a hag’s bite. They’re docile until fucked with, and then they hit so damn hard back — in numbers. Vistani can quickly become as lethal as armies. Think the court of miracles from the hunchback. Beth’s rage stems from how Noctus destroyed so many settlements and her own vardo, attacking mercilessly with the unbridled vengeance from every slain Vistani.

“ 𝐍𝐎𝐂𝐓𝐔𝐒! 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐙𝐃𝐎𝐕, 𝐃𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐋 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐊𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐌𝐀 𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐑𝐄Á! 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐔𝐍𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐕𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐈 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐌𝐄! 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐔𝐑𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐄! 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐌𝐘 𝐎𝐀𝐓𝐇, 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑, 𝐈 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄’𝐒 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄! 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄! “ [ In ref to her second fight against Noctus after her forcibly made her attack her party as a Nosferatu beast. ]

• Her theme is Bloody Tears from C.astlevania too just for that extra spice lol

• The Vistani don't worship any gods, but instead believe in something they call ‘Threads of Fate.’ They believe that all actions have reactions and that fate's wound its strings around everyone. They are firm believers in the spirits, divine, and superstitious.

• Some Vistani women are blessed with prescience. Of all the great Vistani fortune-tellers, none compares to Madam Eva. Her party is close to meeting Eva’s settlement and I’m excited lol but Mama Andreá was a born psychic and passed that knowledge down to Beth at a young age, who had a glimmer of her prescience due to genetics. Beth does have a tarot deck given to her from Cassandra she has yet to use to tell minor events occurring in the future, but her power is not nearly as precise as Eva/Andreá or Cass’ tarokka. She tends to stick to daily fortunes or simple spreads.

• A prescient Vistani can't see her own future or the future of another Vistani. It is the burden of the Vistani's great gift that their own fates can't be divined. rip to Cass and Beth reading each other’s futures but I don’t think they’d want that anyway considering how much they hate their own lives in the first place BGHFHVCVB

• Beth’s human side comes out when she’s doing Vistani related things. Cooking meats and soups, dancing and story telling around a fire, using her castanets, jingling bells, dressed in her traditional clothes, etc. This shows greatly as her mother verse with Annalize, because she ensures Anna lives the full Vistani experience that both mothers couldn’t experience themselves as it was ripped straight from them due to vampirism and war.

Beth retires from her wandering knighthood immediately to become a house wife at that point. She’s always cooking hearty meals for Anna and Cass, decorating the castle in beautiful fabrics and decor, dressing her daughter in the most lavished garb and jewelry, and teaches her all about the divine to pass down her knowledge from Mama Andreá. Beth eventually owns her own vardo and names it in respect of her own vardo (The Copper Carriage) , now The Crimson Carriage. She adopts a settlement of Vistani who survived the fogs and, just as any other settlement does, opens the doors to any weary traveler. Cass takes her myrmidon status back and the two no longer dress in armor, but the traditional garbs, not wanting to treat their daughter to violence and really bring up their past of relentless bloodshed (Anna would figure it out sooner or later anyway because Beth and Cass are basically figures of high importance with stories that were passed around Barovia of who they once were lmao) . but this all simply an ✨ AU happy ending for both of them ✨ that I created and who fucking knows what’ll ACTUALLY occur in game I just want these two to have a dAMN MOMENT OF CLARITY THEY DESERVE GOOD THINGS FOR ONCE

#🐀 THE FALLEN KNIGHT. 🐀#out of the keep 🐀

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genshin-scenarios · 1 year

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THAT ENDIIINNNNNGGGGG NAUUUUURRRRRRR IM GONNA LOSE IT op that was so good aofbeufuebthrurhr I love this series sm and I'm so excited for the sequel ahhh!!!!! The fact that Kuni still experiences everything makes me so sad :(((( i hope they both remember eachother but it does beg the question : for Kuni it's been 400 years, how would the memories change anything Abt how he feels or sees the world?? aaaaaaaaaa

I’M GLAD YOU GUYS SEEM TO BE RECEIVING IT WELL 👉👈 your ask actually got me thinking so I’m going to put the rest under the cut!

Potential spoilers for the sequel below! (Depends on which option I end up writing, only time will tell)

After the 3 betrayals: If this is when he receives his memories, it’d feel like one sick joke, wouldn’t it? 🥲 imagine that after he gives himself the name Kunikuzushi (country destroyer), he gets dreams/visions of his time in our world...

Did you know all of this was going to happen to him? You even named him Kuni of all things, and would sometimes look at him as if there were regrets he didn’t know about. (Truth be told, that’s the exact reason Reader didn’t give him the full name Kunikuzushi, but calling him Scara or Wanderer might be even more obvious to his future stories)

He doesn’t even know if he should hate you or not - because in his memories, everything was pleasant and felt like home, but now he can’t help but consider if you were just tiding over that peaceful period before sending him back to this horrible place (Teyvat).

Are the people in his and your world different? Surely they couldn’t be too far apart. Yes, you probably just saw him as a pitiful puppet after all. That is all there is to it, so he buries the ache in his chest. Another candle is snuffed out, and he throws his emotions away and tries to forget about it all.

I think here though, if Reader arrives, they might be able to influence his thoughts a bit more! Give him more hope, even if he hesitates to believe they’re real and etc. They can probably tell what stage of his story he’s in just from a quick question, and that just solidifies the feeling of being small in his head. Why does everyone seem to know these things before him? Are his efforts really so futile?

As the Balladeer/Scaramouche: Maybe he’d be a little lost in his thoughts after getting these visions - with how even the sky is a lie, he doesn’t discount that these memories aren’t false at all (lets maybe say that he received them during the Stars event two years ago)

He doesn’t speak of it though. Scaramouche keeps these thoughts in the back of his mind, because working in the Fatui meant he couldn’t show weakness. In periods of solitude however, he does reflect on the things he can recall, but his emotions regarding them are a little more distanced. It’s harder to change his stance on the world at this point - he’s gripped onto the idea of how he has to survive now, however a thought does come to his mind:

If you were to arrive in Teyvat, would he be able to find you? He doesn’t know what he’d plan to do, but the idea does pass from time to time. You’ve kinda just become an imaginary friend in his head at this point /lh

As the Wanderer: !! He might think of his time with you as another “previous incarnation” of himself. With the tree and all, the concept is probably a bit easier to digest?

Though now that he’s not a Fatui member anymore, he has more time to mull over the memories and accept them... and since he’s more at peace at this point in the story, he probably grows to give you the benefit of the doubt. As much as he wants to make an enemy of the word, you seem a bit too unintimidating to manipulate him. (/lh he’s just being himself)

Though he does wonder how you know about Teyvat, and what you’d think about the things here if you could witness it alongside him. I mean the internet is amazing and TV would be great right now, but you’ve never seen the elements at work or flown in the air. Would you be scared?

A part of him wants to bully you if you ever get here, it could be funny (once again /lh, he’s just a bit salty about how you kept the truth from him, but if you did tell him he knows deep down it wouldn’t have made a difference, since your memories became blocked after being seperated). He just kind of wonders how you’re doing, or if you’re even still alive (it has been many many years since he returned)

#SORRY THIS GOT RLLY LONG #but your question was very thought-inducing ty for sending it in #and once again tysm for the kind msgs and support!! 😭😭#nice anons #admin rambles

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chocoenvy · 1 year

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heyo, it’s me pretty anon. (i like it better than bully anon too :))

i think i fucked up

so, i’ll keep this simple since i need to go to bed cause it’s like 4:30am and i get up at 8 lmao.

since the cruise my dad and step-mom decided to physically split as well. my dad is signing for a divorced in the next couple of days. my step-mom is in a completely different state rn with her youngest daughter and mother. my mom mom doesn’t know about the divorced and honestly i think no one’s told her since we don’t wanna hear it.

so um, i haven’t really gotten a chance to talk to anyone about this stuff since i live in a small town and everyone knows everyone yknow? so firstly, thank you for letting me vent. it’s nice to talk to someone the same age anonymously. you give good advice.

anyway, all of this has kinda been building up on me, which is super weird cause i thought i wouldn’t care. i’m a senior in high school rn so it’s not like i can’t go visit her once i graduate. and my dad and step mom are both encouraging me to keep up a relationship with her. she wasn’t really around much and when she was it was only ever good one on one since with my dad it would be borderline abusive. (or maybe actually abusive, i’m not really sure i know how to identify it. it just seems normal to me)

my dad also asked me if i had contacted my step mom like a couple days after she left. i’d been wanting to but i had no idea what to say to her. so i didn’t. he said to me, and i don’t think i’ll ever forget this, “oh. i thought you loved her.” in the most casual tone. my heart is broken. i got really upset with him and he literally could not comprehend why. i’m starting to second guess myself if i loved her or not. i know for a fact that i did, but does she know it?

so yknow the new ios 16 update? weird change of pace i know but i swear it’s important. well i just decided like an hour ago to get it and i fucking hate it. fun fact, if you have spotify on and your phone turns off then they change YOUR LOCKSCREEN to match the spotify song. wtf. well i started off hating it cause i had to scroll through over 2,000 photos just to find the exact same ones i was currently using (it’s venti and xiao btw) and i started hyperventilating.

well i was doing my daydreams when i realized the spotify thing. and i completely stopped. i had a full blown panic attack for at least 45 minutes. i was hyperventilating so hard i honestly thought i was going to passed out. i later down so i at least wouldn’t fall and everything.

i think i panicked because of all the penh up emotions that i have going on rn.

after i finally calmed down, i went over to plug in my chrome book for school. and then i remembered i had an eyebrow razor in my backpack…

i think you know what i meant when i said i fucked up.

it was only four cuts. not deep enough to draw blood except for one, all tiny on my thigh where no one can see them. i can’t believe i did it though. and the worst part, the absolute worst part is, the relief i felt? it’s like i actually have control.

i know you said the ice cube method. i’ve actually told other freinds going through a hard time about it too. but at the moment, i just wasn’t thinking straight.

im scared im gonna do it again. any ideas on what i should do? lol

with love, pretty anon

HELLO PRETTY <33 I'm so sososososo sorry for answering this so late but!

tw: self harm, relapses, sensitive topics

It's completely valid and I cannot fault you for relapsing it is a very normal part of healing. So long as you get back up, everything will be okay I promise.

But! I remembered an app that I had come across some years ago. I forgot the name and when I tried to look it up i found calm harm.

The app I thought of describes self harm as a wave. The want to harm yourself flows in and then out. It comes and goes. The trick is to distract yourself before the feeling takes over your actions. Calm Harm definitely helps with it from what I've seen. I've never tried these apps though. There are also counters that count how long you've gone without cutting if that kind of thing helps.

Would definitely recommend! As well as watching videos or creating a playlist full of videos/songs that make you happy! Find something that makes you happy and hold onto it for when you need it! I can completely understand not being in the right state of mind and forgetting it which is why you should have it on your phone so you can access it before you can access something else. It also helps if you're ever in public - or even in private - and need to calm down.

Gather resources to prepare for these down times. It'll help!

I understand that self harm can feel good, god trust me I know, but it's not worth it. There are other things that can make you feel better than self harm can. And I can't speak for you but after I self harm I just feel so much shame?? And fear?? Mostly because I don't want someone to find them but I just feel ashamed.

I can't explain it and I really don't have much room to talk because I'm still stuck in self harm. But if it means anything, I would be very proud to see you heal from this <3

I'm glad you can talk about this anonymously but if you ever need to talk to me one on one my dms are always open <3

Take care! And I'm sorry for answering so late, I hope you're okay <33

#choco.asks #pretty anon #tw s/h #tw self harm

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fragmented-light-sys · 1 year

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I know this can be a difficult question to answer and not everyone is comfortable with it, so please don’t feel pressured to share more than you’re comfortable with. But how did you come to find out you were a system? What was it like? We’re there any signs before, or was it a total shock? How old was the body?

Asking because my friends are all convinced I have DID and I just can’t accept it and i don’t know what to do if they’re right so I’m looking for comfort in other peoples’ stories.

-a very confused and scared college student

this is gonna be a long post lol im sorry.

excuse the switching between we and i, we're kinda blurry and switchy idk.

before i say anything, i do have to say that we're undiagnosed so we dont have 100% proof but we are fairly certain in our suspicion and have done research before saying anything about this (which i recommend to you too; there's blogs on here that have plenty of papers on DID/OSDD research).

ive always felt like there was something going on that i couldnt explain with other mental health stuff (the dissociation, the missing trauma memories, the feeling that youre seperate people, the emotions that dont fit to how you would react, etc) but the only image i had of DID was what the media told me, so losing time n all that.

i did actually start researching DID/OSDD at one point in our life but that resulted in them trying to talk to me and me being completely overwhelmed by everything which lead to a severe shut down that i still cant quite fully understand.

the body is 24 and thats also the age that i started to explore this somehow. theres definitely systems that know way before that but theres really no age limit to discovering that youre a system.

coming to terms with being a system is a hard thing to do so when i did finally start looking into it and asking myself these questions, i was met with a huge amount of denial and the typical "but i cant be a system, i dont have the symptoms!" while being oblivious to the symptoms i did have that hinted towards it. i wasnt "shocked" persé, i was shocked in the way that i knew i had symptoms but still denied myself the chance of saying "maybe what happened to me really was that bad", if that makes sense.

i am by no means far in this. ive just started therapy and i have been trying to figure things out for a mere 5 months now and i am by no means close to understanding everything. so do take this with a grain of salt. and we have actually had to accept things for like 3 times now because everytime we got overwhelmed, someone came and made us forget things again.

please dont pressure yourself in having to discover this and dont let your friends pressure you either! something like this needs time and you have lots of time and its better to come to an informed and calm decision than doing harm with a rushed decision. just try to research for now and keep an open mind!

also id advice you to look for a professional if you really think this could be a possibility.

i hope i could somehow answer your questions, if you have any more questions, please ask, we're a little "out of it" today so it could be that i forgot to answer something.

#blurry.ask

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featherdownmoor · 2 years

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The way some people can just cut you out from their life as if nothing ever happened, and its so abrupt and irrational that even you are caught off guard, cuz before this there were no signs that they were gonna do it and currently they show no trace that they did it. Its like you were never there in the first place. Really makes u wonder if people just get with you to fuck with your head snd then leave. It kinda scares me, ppl who can be so so consistent with their efforts in the beginning and make you feel totally secure and assured in their care, then they just open a trapdoor in the floor and unfollow you or block you. It’s fcking weird how they have so much control over themselves and the things and ppl they want to the point where they can just turn it off and forget. Or do they rly forget? Not sure. But as someone who’s actions are qlways pretty spontaneous and the opposite of calculative when it comes to affection and shit like that, this is pretty fucked.

Maybe that’s why i just cant get into it properly, the reason why im constantly second guessing my own feelings is probably bc i genuinely cant tell anymore from him what is calculated/deliberate and what isnt, just wish things could be simpler. Simpler like sneaking a glance finding him already looking. Yenickk’s mouth ajar, wide eyes trailing me across the busstop and up the flyover steps. Simpler like waving at Yenickk and him dazed and only noticing a fraction of a second too late. Him returning the wave, breaking into that apologetic, unbridled grin while doing so. Me bursting out laughing as an impulse because the situation and his face is ridiculous and ridiculously cute. Simpler like both of us breathless in the drinks aisle. I’m too soft, I’m mumbling. He takes off his mask to hear me better, yeah, he looks confused with himself too. I take mine off too and it makes no sense. With our masks off, the distance between both our faces somehow grown to be only centimetres apart.

We don’t talk as much as i do with Marcus, and all of this is nothing profound, it doesn’t happen as often as it does with Marcus. Yenickk certainly never asked me to call him before. I should be dwelling on so many other tidbits, pieces of conversation, or even something as simple as a glance, after all there has never been a shortage of these interactions with Marcus. But even still. Breathless in a convenience store. Starry, searching eyes that linger on the tip of a nose or a stray cupid’s bow. A sentence that drives for miles without a single full stop. Permeating, like a deceptively thin-looking liquid that when spilt, ends up staining both the inside of your purse and all your fingertips.

#feathertexts

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taxfraudhousewife · 2 months

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hey toga i can’t even process your actual death i feel like im still processing the concept of your death

and i wish i could ask you what to do

you’re a normal guy sometimes i forget

i use muslim jesus like shorthand for something i can’t explain

and i think it made me forget you’re just a fuckin guy

that makes everything so much worse

you became a drinker and a nyquil addict

you were still preachy and you liked to gossip

doesn’t that make it so much fuckin worse

i’ve been trying to write about the terrible half known unknown

hoping once it’s in words it won’t be in my head

but i can’t explain it

terrible unknown suffering

in terrible context that makes optimism for retards

the shit i can’t admit

despite the evidence

the probably heavily censored story is all i have

she said zip tied to a lashing post

she said they left you there to die

she said it took days

lashing post niga what do you mean

what do you fucking mean

my brain is always going crazy imagining what your last few days were like

like did the courtyard have a roof

did it rain

i’ve been assuming they stripped you as genocidal sex freaks do

and assuming they did at least a little lashing if you were already on the lashing post

that scares me

their giant high wattage batons and where they might’ve stuck them scares me even more

the stories are terrible

and everyone says the same shit

i can’t stomach it

they can have everyone with a single drop of uyghur blood just not you

they can have hong kong and tibet and the whole continent just not you

i can’t just keep existing assuming the worst

i know not to be optimistic but i wish you’d reincarnate as a crow and tell me you didn’t get fucked in the ass with a taser baton

like i keep imagining it

everyone says it

EVERYONE FUCKIN SAYS IT

i’m losing my shit over here i can’t stop imagining it

niga every terrible fuckin story is happening to you at once in my head all the time

israel and russia and ukraine aren’t helping

hey news flash rape in warfare is fucked up

in ethnic cleansing

super fucked up

hey guess what if that happened to you no it didn’t

no thanks that will radicalize me (in a bad way)

i can’t stop imagining it

i try to picture you before

i can’t

you’re a whole ass person

and like i can’t even comprehend it

super dead super fuckin dead

insultingly dead

it feels like i’m the only one carrying you

i know that’s not true but i’m at least the only one in my subgroup of the family

i’ve been grieving you by myself and wishing you were here to grieve with me

i’m so pissed off at you for leaving me

because obviously it’s about me and not uyghur emancipation

WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME

this is why we can’t have nice shit

can’t have nice fuckin uncles can’t have shit

toga i can’t make sense of it

i know that’s the point it’s senseless

the senselessness is gonna kill me

sorry

you would’ve handled it better

you would’ve turned this into angry letters to unhrc and revenge money to spend on lawyers

you wouldn’t have lost your fire

i’ve been clinging to what i have left in fleeting moments

but it doesn’t feel like fire anymore

it just feels like a dense fuckin void in my chest

suckin me inside out

not just because of you it’s everything

but you were kinda my last straw

just like that i was alone in my grieving again

i know that’s not that you want

i also know there’s a real good chance you don’t care what the fuck i do

that’s the most embarrassing part

i’m pissed off cause i still think

with only more time i’d be your right hand

and how dare you take that opportunity away

you were my opportunity for something more the only opportunity that’s ever meant shit to me

i know how stupid it is to wish for nothing more than to save the world with the only family whose politics you share

still i wish it hard

i thought i was gonna help you save the world

i believed in your fucking speeches

you don’t get it you were literally fuckin muslim jesus to me

everything you said i believed that you felt it and you made me feel it too

this is it this is my fucking religion now don’t you get it

i can’t believe anything else and i’m grateful for finally believing that i know some kind of fundamental truth

but i’m so lonely in this stupid religion

it feels like a disease

one id rather not suffer alone

one i’d have the time of my life with if only it’s suffered with you

i almost converted to islam

almost considered it at least

you would’ve laughed at me

i thought i’d find you there

i think i might be too mentally ill for religion

i liked praying with you

i would’ve converted if we could’ve done that more

it was cause i got to listen to you talk

and repetitive movements are lit

that’s a thing i try to remember instead

i thought you were tryna convert me

but holy shit it was kinda nice to hear you say

i’ll feel better after we pray

you’ll show me how

we’ll pray for east turkistan

and donetsk

and yemen

even the russians and the chinese too

even the americans

you said peace

for everyone

and i watched and listened and copied you

and it was warm and i was drunk and hungry

and you were just you

super sweaty and gross and shaking like a chihuahua

refusing to do what you’re supposed to

i kinda wished you’d stayed in bed

but what was i gonna do infringe on your human rights

so i just watched and listened and copied you

wondered if you were also trying to not faint

i’ve been trying to describe your voice in words

before i forget it completely

quiet and hushed like the walls are listening

passionately too serious when you get going

like you forget you’re not talking to foreign ministers

something deep and rich but muted and slightly sour like goat milk

maybe goat milk with honey cause you always tried to include me in conversation

this is unrelated but your cane made me freak the fuck out

still does

when i pulled up to the becky mansion i was mentally preparing to mask for eight hours

not that

that whole WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU thing

that’s how that started

i can’t explain it

i wanted to cry

wanted to personally curb stomp everyone who did that to you

wanted to hug you then i did

but you decided to fuck with me for mysterious muslim reasons

fuck you i wanted to cry i still wanna cry every time i think about it

why the fuck would you say that

everything felt like you personally wanted to torture me

but it didn’t feel like an accusation at least

#mental illness innit

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