#alex iantaffi

[gatheringbones]

[“Gender is a large biopsychosocial construct, which includes aspects of identity, expression, role and experience.

Settler colonialism is an ongoing colonial project, in which the settlers’ goal is to create structures that over time allow them to replace the Indigenous populations previously inhabiting the same space.

Our current understanding of gender is deeply impacted by settler colonial practices, since gender itself seemed to historically be, in many Indigenous cultures, a concept more connected with identity, expression and role rather than biology.

Controlling bodies, gender, relationships, language, culture and spirituality is an essential element of settler colonial states.

A rigid gender binary is an aspect of historical trauma and the impact of the historical erasure of gender expansive people is experienced by people of all genders although the ways in which we are impacted are not the same.

Gender essentialism is the ideology that tells us that men and women have certain characteristics that are inherent to their sex assigned at birth.

The idea of gender essentialism itself rests on the larger concept of biological determinism. Biological determinism is the belief that our behaviors are connected to specific biological traits, such as genetics, physiology and so on.

Much of current Western science on gender is built either on the foundations of gender essentialism, and hence biological determinism, or on challenging these same foundations.

Decolonizing cannot be just treated as a metaphor. It is a process of systemic undoing and gender liberation can be viewed as part of a neurodecolonization process.

In order to participate in decolonizing gender, those of us who are not Indigenous need to be prepared to be accomplices in dismantling a rigid gender binary as a form of colonial ideology.”]

alex iantaffi, from gender trauma: healing cultural, social, and historical gendered trauma, 2020

#alex iantaffi #trans literature #history stuff #currently reading #gender stuff

[sounds-of-my-silence]

Ok I'm VERY late to the program having just watched The Owl House S3 E1 last night BUT! I searched around and I haven't seen anyone talking about the fact that this:

Is a real book! [Image is a screenshot of S3 E1 of the owl house showing Camila Noceda's room littered with notes and books as she's learning how to care for her now 6 children - includes a small edit so that the book entitled "Life Ain't Binary" is circled in yellow]

It's called Life Isn't Binary [pictured in the above image] and it's by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker, two amazing queer therapists/mental health writers. I haven't read the entire book yet but what I've read so far is extraordinary - it dives into polyamory and hard stuff that isn't talked about enough like the gay/straight binary, cis/trans binary and even the binary/nonbinary binary, and so much more good stuff! So props to Camila Noceda for really going above and beyond on the self-education. Mom of the year right there.

#toh #the owl house #toh s3 #toh spoilers #camila noceda #life ain't binary #life isn't binary #book recommendations #alex iantaffi #meg-john barker

[rosemariecawkwell]

TBR Pile Review: Life Isn't Binary, by Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi

Format: 237 pages, PaperbackPublished: May 21, 2019 by Jessica Kingsley PublishersISBN: 9781785924798 (ISBN10: 1785924796)Language: English Description Challenging society’s rigid and binary ways of thinking, this original work shows the limitations that binary thinking has regarding our relationships, wellbeing, sense of identity, and more. Explaining how we can think and act in a less rigid…

View On WordPress

#Alex Iantaffi #Book review #feminism #gender and sexuality #Life isn&039;t binary #Meg-John Barker #non-binary #Non-fiction #Queer

[pendantaudio]

Tilly's Trans Tuesdays episode 59: How do you describe the indescribable, something so pervasive and yet so inscrutable? Join me as I tackle one of the biggest topics for many trans people, gender dysphoria. We're gonna talk about how there's no escaping it, and then see if I can put into words what it's like to live with. We're joined by therapist, author, and gender specialist Dr. Alex Iantaffi to discuss challenging the patriarchy, needing to see ourselves to find ourselves, and Sicilian bubble-butts!

Hosted by Tilly Bridges and Susan Bridges. Sound mixing by Jillian Morgan. Available on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Samsung Podcasts, and more!

#pendant audio #pendant productions #pendant #audio #tilly's trans tuesdays #trans #trans tuesday #transition #transgender #trans men #trans masc #trans man #transmasc #transmasculine #transfemme #transfem #trans femme #trans feminine #trans fem #trans women #trans woman #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtqiia+ #queer #podcasting #podcast #gender dysphoria

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

International Non-Binary People's Day

🦇 Good morning, bookish bats! It's International Non-Binary People's Day! Looking to add some great non-binary books to your ever-growing TBR? Here are books from authors who publicly identify as non-binary, starring characters that are non-binary, too! Which are you reading first?

✨ Fiction ✨ 💛 She Who Became The Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan 🤍 Loveless by Alice Oseman 💜 Nettleblack by Nat Reeve 🖤 Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor 💛 Truth & Dare by So Mayer 🤍 X by Davey Davis 💜 Chlorine by Jade Song 🖤 Phoenix Extravagant by Yoon Ha Lee 💛 I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver 🤍 On a Sunbeam by Tillie Walden 💜 Pet by Akwaeke Emezi 🖤 The Discomfort of Evening by Marieke Lucas Rijneveld 💛 The Echo Wife by Sarah Gailey 🤍 The Black Tides of Heaven by Neon Yang 💜 Outlawed by Anna North 🖤 An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon 💛 The Heartbreak Bakery by A. R. Capetta 🤍 Bianca Torre Is Afraid of Everything by Justine Pucella Winans 💜 Jamie by L. D. Lapinski 🖤 Mordew by Alex Pheby

✨ Non-Fiction ✨ 💛 In Their Shoes by Jamie Windust 🤍 Beyond the Gender Binary by Alok Vaid-Menon 💜 Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe 🖤 Gender Euphoria by Laura Kate Dale 💛 A Quick & Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns by Archie Bongiovanni and Tristan Jimerson 🤍 What’s the T? The No-nonsense Guide to All Things Trans And/or Non-binary for Teens by Juno Dawson 💜 Life Isn’t Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker

#books #book recommendation #nonbinary #nonbinary pride #nonbinary character #battyaboutbooks #batty about books

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi! It’s the catholic school maybe ace anon again. I just have one more question.

I want to be open and okay with sexuality and that kind of thing, but from a very young age I’ve been taught it was Not Okay.

Is there anything you can recommend to me (books, blogs, channels, etc.) that might help me.. understand more, ig? I try really hard to keep an open mind, but I don’t actually learn enough to be at a point where I’m chill with it (I try to be, I really do).

hi catholic anon (cathnon, if you will),

I did drop a couple of recommendations in my answer to your last query (shoutout to Lindsey Doe's Sexplanations and Heather Corinna's Scarleteen again, I really can't say enough good things about them!) but let's talk about some more cool resources!

Dr. Nadine Thornhill is an educator doing THE COOLEST work, definitely check her out!

if you want to read about asexuality and aromantic experiences, check out Yasmin Benoit's writing on her website! she's one of the most outspoken aroace figures in the business.

while I have my gripes with Teen Vogue, they write a lot of very accessible articles about sexual topics ranging from abortion info to disability-friendly sex to tips on buying vibrators. give it a look!

Planned Parenthood's website is chock full of useful info that I frequently use as a reference in my work, with a section specifically geared towards teenagers.

for asexual-specific writing you gotta check out Angela Chen's book Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. it's a fantastic piece of writing, and makes me so hopeful for the future of ace and aro scholarship written from within the community.

Sexuality: A Graphic Guide is also a gentle illustrated into to a lot of big ideas about sexuality and orientation, by Meg-John Barker and Jules Scheele. you may also be interested in another of Barker's books, How to Understand Your Sexuality, written with Alex Iantaffi.

another book I'm very fond of is Jaclyn Friedman's Unscrewed, which looks at ways in which sex can be exploited by patriarchy and capitalism and contrasts that bleak outlook with people doing real, tangible good to advance sexual freedom, queer rights, and reproductive health.

also hey listen I'm going to say one that's a little goofy but a lot of fun: there's a show on Netflix (or elsewhere, if you know how to pirate) called How to Build a Sex Room that's short (only sex episodes, I think?) and nothing but fun, following designer Melanie Rose building her clients' ideal rooms to have sex in. clients range from eager to overshare to adorably awkward, and Rose is always there to encourage them to think about what they really want and how to express that desire. it's very cute and a great way to get cozy around casual convos about sex!

#sex edventures 2023

[rotationalsymmetry]

I grabbed this book from the bookstore thinking it was about being non-binary.

I was wrong.

[ID 1: cover of a book with colorful letters (filled with tiny ones and zeroes) in a white background, reading: "life isn't binary: on being both, beyond, and in-between, by Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi, forward by CN Lester." (Colon and the word "by" added for clarity.) End ID.]

[ID 2: photo of table of contents page, with six chapters titled "sexualities", "genders", "relationships", "bodies", "emotions", and "thinking. End ID.]

It's so much better.

#I don't even know what the last two chapters mean

[polyamorouspunk]

Went to the local spiritual shop last week and went to their LGBTQ+ section to grab myself some pronoun pins and found some great books to check out:

How To Be Ace: A Memoir Of Growing Up Ace by Rebecca Burgess

Polysecure by Fern

Queercore by Liam Warfield, Walter Crasshole, Yony Leyser

You and Your Gender Identity by Hoffman-Fox

Queer Folk Tales: A Book Of LGBTQ+ Stories by Kevin Walker

The ABCs of LGBT+ by Ashley Mardell

How to Understand Your Gender by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker

The Gender Creative Child by Ehrensaft

Genderqueer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe

Queer: A Graphic History by Meg-John Barker and Jules Scheele

Gender: A Graphic Guide by Meg-John Barker and Jules Scheele

Gender Identity by Cook

Be Gay Do Comics by IDW

Transgender Healthy by Ben Vincent

Seeing Gender by ??

The Reflective Workbook for Parents and Families of Transgender and Non-Binary Children by ??

The New Queer Conscious by Adam Eli

This Is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids by Owens-Reid and Russo

The Trans Self-Care Workbook by Theo Nicole Loreny

The Gender Identity Workbook for Kids by Storck

Queer Heroes by Arabelle Sicardi, Sarah Tanat, and Jones

The Stonewall Riots: Cominc Out in the Streets by Gayle E. Pitman

The Gay Agenda by Ashley Molessa and Choss Needham

What’s Your Pronoun: Beyond He and She by Dennis Baron

Pride: A Celebration in Quotes by ??

The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper

The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Families and Professionals by Stephanie Brill and Lisa Kenney

Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax (M.D. , P.H.D.)

The A-Z Of Gender And Sexuality by Morgan Lev Edward Holleb

Trans Voices by Declan Harry

The Trans Partner Handbook by Jo Green

Yes, You Are Trans Enough by Mia Violet

Bonus:

#tumblr won’t let me add links to these sorry! maybe when I’m on desktop! #queer reading #lgbtq+ reading #queer books #lgbtq+ community #lgbt community #lgbtq community #pride month #pride month 2022

[itsyasuds]

I am looking for resources for my spouse in learning about trans folk and experiences. A sort of primer on the language and theories.

Wrapping his head around his spouse being transmasc is throwing him for a loop. He wants to be supportive but doesn't know where to start. I've recommended "How to Understand Your Gender" by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker (we'll be reading it together) and "Gender Queer" by Maia Kobabe (eir experience is similar to mine).

Any other media recommendations that address trans-ness are most appreciated! And hearing how others have addressed this with their spouses/significant others would also be very much appreciated.

#transmasc #trans #ftm #queer #terfs will be blocked #lgbtqplus #lgbtq community

[cavewretch]

doing a chapter exercise from gender trauma by alex iantaffi and hit with a terrible wave of generational grief. i'm sad my grandfather forgot his native language. i'm sad i didn't grow up hearing it. i'm sad we don't talk and he's losing his memory. i'm sad i carry the weight of his abusive behavior. i'm sad anything i try to find online about his home country is focused on tourism.

my family has a home remedy called kruš/krush (idk how to spell it ive only ever heard it spoken). it's sage tea.

the leaves for the tea come from a plant that comes from a line of seeds that once upon a time my great grandfather sewed into his suitcase to bring my grandfather. so the story goes.

at least i'm pretty sure it's sage. we've always called it krush/kruš/unknown spelling bc i've only ever heard it spoken. according to translators online, that is not the word for sage in croatian. thatd be žalfije. so where the hell did krush come from! it's probably regional. but i'm sad that's lost to me too.

recently we got my grandfather an accordion so he can play again and he's been playing folk songs he remembers on it every day. family emotional distance is very bittersweet and strange.

anyway. back to ruminating on gender roles in my family

#wretched text #fun fact there are only like 200 people in the whole world who share my last name! isn't that bananas! #ever since i learned that i purged my name from my social medias lmfao

[considermycat]

Currently #reading Life Isn’t Binary by Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi https://www.instagram.com/p/Cjqk-ORKqD6/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

#reading

[gatheringbones]

[“A reminder I find helpful is that trauma, especially developmental trauma, often shapes our thinking into this polarity, this all/nothing, pink/blue, man/woman. When I view the rigidity of this binary through this lens, I can also be more compassionate towards myself and others when we get caught in its net.

All/nothing patterns are tough to break out of, after all. We can notice the rigidity of the gender binary in a range of ways: the gendering of chromosomes, body parts, behaviors, mannerisms, clothing, emotions, toys, experiences, and so on. All/nothing thinking patterns are those that view duality as the only option. For example: you are male or female, good or bad, with us or against us. Given that we live in a cloud of historical, intergenerational, cultural and social trauma when it comes to gender, it makes sense that we have internalized much of this thinking.

In fact, even when we get away from binary ideas of gender, we might still engage in all/nothing thinking patterns, if we are not careful. For example, some young people who identify as trans and/or nonbinary have internalized such a deep need to police gender that they might be afraid of being viewed as “trans trenders” (that is people who think they are trans because it’s “trendy”). Within this paradigm, you are trans or not (another all/nothing pattern). There is no exploring, playing or considering; there is simply, you are or you are not. Some trans and cis people alike question the validity of nonbinary genders, and then other trans and/or nonbinary people turn around and talk about “truscum,” that is, those trans people who align with a medicalized and pathologizing model of gender and believe that dysphoria is an essential trait for some people.

All/nothing patterns are insidious and, if we are not careful, we tend to reproduce the same discourses that oppressed us, creating and recreating boundaries around gender identities and experiences to make sure we know who is “in” and who is “out,” who is “with us” and who is “against us.” While these patterns are understandable, when people are hurt, in survival mode and trying to protect themselves, this is not conducive to healing or liberation. As long as there is policing of gender, any gender, there cannot truly be liberation. This is a really tough one for many of us who have been hurt by rigid gender binaries, and who might have come to our identities through hardship, risk and loss. It is so tempting to feel that now that we are “in,” whichever label, identity or experience that “in” might be, we get to police others and make sure that “fakers” and “trenders” are kept out.

We are simply afraid. Afraid that if we let anyone in who is not 100 percent certain, or in agreement with us, or just like us, we might get hurt. We are afraid that whatever we have built will be blown away. It is understandable. It is what everyone is afraid of. Trauma keeps us afraid of one another. Colonial and patriarchal ways of thinking divide us, and seduce us into believing that, if we behave in certain ways, we too could have power over our little domain, whatever that domain might be. However, these are all lies, lies that trauma tells us and that oppression thrives on. These dualities of Men are from Mars and Women from Venus, cis women against trans women, sex workers versus SWERFs (sex worker exclusive radical feminists) are all deeply rooted in historical, cultural and social trauma.

How can we, then, find another way? The idea of another way is key. If polarities are foundational to all/nothing patterns, our way to liberation can only be found in a third road. Building and nurturing flexibility in our individual and collective soma (bodies) is therefore key. Practicing saying and noticing the maybe, the pause between breathing in and breathing out, reflection, curiosity, slow, kind and consensual relationships are key to healing. We cannot heal from gendered trauma when we are still caught in rigid polarities, still invested in finding a perpetrator or savior so that we can stay in a victim place. Or so invested in being the irredeemable perpetrator that there is no hope for us. Once more, it starts with us, our own gender journey and dismantling internalized polarities first.

Once we engage with this work, we can then support those around us—be they clients, students, fellow community members and communities—to challenge those polarities within themselves and one another. This might all seem very idealistic, and it is. I truly believe we cannot move towards healing through violence. If we are to heal from gendered trauma it has to be through relationships: human, messy, complicated, infuriating, joyful, loving relationships. We cannot be in relationship when we are in opposition. We can be in a tug of war, push and pull at one another but, as long as we stay locked into these patterns, we can only view ourselves as victors and losers. In the meantime, the only victors seem to be systems of oppression.”]

alex iantaffi, from gender trauma: healing cultural, social, and historical gendered trauma, 2020

#alex iantaffi #trans literature #brainspace #gender stuff #currently reading

[the---hermit]

Life Isn't Binary by M.J. Barker and A. Iantaffi

After months for slowly reading this book I am finally done, and I am incredibly satisfied with it. I am craving a physical copy to reference more easly, even though I have annotated the digital version a lot. It's a great book, that made my brain explode, by making me realize how many binaries we have to deal with on a daily basis. It's crazy, every aspect of our lives is in some way linked to a binary, that is usually limiting.

About the book, it's very well structured, with chapters that talk about sexualities, genders, relationships, bodies, emotions and thinking. Each chapter also contains several reflection points (that could totally be used as journaling prompts), and experiences from different people. Another very nice thing, that I really appreciated, is the presence of "slow down sections", in which the authors encourage you to take a break from reading, suggesting different ways to slow down and then get back to the book. I thought that was really smart, these kind of topics can be quite overwhealming, and having a moment to take your mind off that, helps a lot once you get back to it. The further resources sections at the end of each chapter are also incredibly well done, there's some amazing options to dive more into the topics of the book, it will be very useful.

Overall the book was really illuminating for me, it opend my mind about a lot of things. It's surely something I will want to re read and reference back in the future. I reccomend it so much, also to those who are not just looking into it because they are questioning their sexuality or gender. This book goes way further from just those topics, and I feel like it could be useful and enjoyable for everyone. I should also mention that it took a lot for me to read, cause I wanted to assimilate well what I was reading taking my time to think and annotate. It's defently a book that could be read way more quickly, because the writing is very simple and direct.

#book rec #book reccomendation #book review #life isn't binary #alex iantaffi #mj barker #non fiction #non fiction book #currently reading #reading #book #books #bookish #bookblr #book cover #digital book #binarism #binaries #studyblr #the---hermit

[pendantaudio]

Tilly's Trans Tuesdays episode 60: There's something insidious growing inside the trans community: transmedicalism. It's exclusionary, it's harmful, it's gatekeeping, and it needs to stop. So let's talk about what it is, why it's so bad, and where in the heck it came from (the answer may (not) surprise you). Therapist, author, and gender specialist Dr. Alex Iantaffi returns to discuss how ubiquitous transmedicalism is in the field of trans care, as well as the ways we lift each other up and the importance of self-compassion. Our collective blood is boiling.

Hosted by Tilly Bridges and Susan Bridges. Sound mixing by Jillian Morgan. Available on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Samsung Podcasts, and more!

#pendant audio #pendant productions #pendant #tilly's trans tuesdays #trans tuesday #transfemme #transfem #trans femme #trans feminine #trans fem #trans women #trans woman #transmasculine #transmasc #trans men #trans masc #trans man #nonbinary #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtqiia+ #queer #anti transmed #fuck transmeds #transmedicalism #podcasting #podcast

[peresephoknee]

I could cry from relief right now

#only read intro of new book but it’s introduced the idea of being mixed-class #I never realised that was a thing #not to be like ‘it me’ but it me #book is life isn’t binary by mj barker and Alex iantaffi #if you’re interested #idk ramblings

[mxmel34]

Trans/nbi Reading List

This list is in my pinned post but since it's pride month I thought I'd make a separate post for those wanting to learn more about transgender and non-binary people and how to be an ally

Quick Reads

Books

Gender: A Graphic Guide - Not just for gender non-conforming folks, it's a great intro to the history of gender, gendered language, and the social constructs of femininity and masculinity. It's a quick read as well, with enjoyable humor sprinkled throughout. written by Meg-John Barker, illustrated by Jules Scheele

A Quick & Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns - a pocket-sized, illustrated, book that is written from the dual perspective of a non-binary person and a cis person. written by Archie Bongiovanni and Tristan Jimerson, illustrated by Archie Bongiovanni

Beyond the Gender Binary - slightly longer read, really dives in to the history of the gender binary and colonialism written by Alok Vaid-Menon, illustrated by Ashley Lukashevsky

Online

The Trevor Project (US): A Guide to Being an Ally to Transgender and Nonbinary Youth While title specifies youths, this is a good, high-level introduction to the basics for all

GIRES UK: Information and support for families of adult transgender, non-binary and nongender people Similar to the Trevor Project doc above, but for the UK. Just as a comparison

Mayo clinic: Feminizing hormone therapy What does HRT (hormone replacement therapy) actually do? What are the risks? What will happen over time? What sort of followup care does one do to monitor the risks?

Majorarqueerna: How to use gender-inclusive language

Majorarqueerna: Your adult child just came out as non-binary. Now what? *lots of additional resources and good information here

Reddit: Analogy on being deadnamed/misgenderd An attempt by a redditor to provide an analogy of what it feels like. I found it relevant

Reddit: Meme relating to people’s reactions to a trans person coming out Regardless of your intent, your reaction impacts the person coming out to you

Deeper Dive

Books for Funsies!

Mask of Shadows - Amazing 2-part fantasy story featuring a genderfluid assassin as the protagonist. This book helped me begin to really understand just how broad the non binary umbrella really is written by Linsey Miller

Gideon the Ninth - Lesbian necromancers in space. Nuff said written by Tamsyn Muir

Books

How to Understand Your Gender: A Practical Guide for Exploring Who You Are written by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker

Book List: Transgender and Non-Binary Children: Books to Help Adults Understand Every book on this list comes recommended from peers, some duplicates

Family Resources

PFLAG: “Our Trans Loved Ones” guide - VERY good in-depth read for family members, warning ~100 pages Formerly the acronym for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays but now is just the name of the group

Trans Lifeline Resources - Great list of resources for supporting a trans loved one Trans Lifeline is a suicide prevention hotline run by and for trans people.

Struggles for Trans People

Abigail Thorn: Coming Out As Trans - A Little Public Statement 8 minutes: UK YouTuber discussing their own coming out The issues they face is not unique to the UK

Talking Trans Sports and the Law with FioraBunny and Chloe Anderson 2 hours - a lot of good info in the first 30 minutes, don’t need to watch the whole thing but it’s a good conversation. *FioraBunny is a twitch streamer I follow and have found good support in their online community

Genderdysphoria.fyi -Good, in-depth writeup on gender dysphoria - lots of info here

Forbes - New Report Shows Where It’s Illegal To Be Transgender In 2020

Covenant House - LGBTQ Youth and Homelessness

The Trevor Project - Facts About Suicide

The Trevor Project - ALL resources

#transgender #trans pride #transgirl #transwoman #nonbinary #trans enby #enby stuff #trans resources #non biney #enby pride #lgbt resources #lgbtq resources