#alright so listen we're talking about trauma responses

[iluwmycats]

Gonna Hunt You Down (A Colin Zabel Story) Part.2

Colin Zabel x OC!Female

( Part.1 )

Summary: After visiting Ms.Lange in the hospital, Colin goes for lunch with Hunter and tries to get to know her better. But breaking through her walls will not be easy. Because she is a tough cookie, after all. 

Word count: 4767 words

Warnings: Language, sexual tension, and too much cuteness of our beloved detective *>.<*

A/N: Hey! 👋🏼 Welcome back to this series!

Sorry, it took me a while to release this episode because -besides the fact that English is not my first language- I'm a little obsessive Virgo, so I had to correct all the mistakes carefully before release. I believe it was worth the delay.😉 Also, I'm still improving my writing skills. So, I would appreciate any suggestions about my writing. Please feel free to comment. :)

Last but not least, I mostly use italics when writing inner voices. ✨

I hope you enjoy it! <3

Taglist/ @kaismanwich @yes-divine-ruler @blackroseguzzi @witchyykitten @just-anotherstan @jetbl4ckhair99

Evan said he constantly listened to this song while on his way to the set of Mare of Easttown. Because this song reminded him of Zabe. So I wanted to add it here. Enjoy!

"We're late, Zabel. Visiting hours have already begun. Are you sure she said she's coming?"

Mare took a puff from her electronic cigarette and kicked a pebble nervously. She hadn't slept properly last night because her grandson kept coming to her bed. So now, she was a bit grumpy than usual.

"Yes, she'll come." Colin replied.

"Alright then... I'll be in the car!"

Mare took another puff from her cigarette and started complaining as she walked towards her parked car.

"If you two don't show up in three minutes, I'll go to that goddamn hospital myself!"

"Oh..kay... Sergeant." Colin spoke to himself. And then returned his watery eyes to the empty street way. He didn't want to show it too much but looked forward to seeing her again.

"C'mon... Where are you?"

And just a second later, Colin saw her at the beginning of the street.

"Finally."

Hunter was half running, half walking towards the police station. When she saw Colin, she waved as if to say, 'Here I am!'. Then she came and stood right in front of Colin, panting.

"Goo... Good morning, detective."

"Good morning."

Colin looked at this panting girl from head to toe for a while.

"Where were you?"

Hunter rested her hand on the body of the street lamp while she doubled up. Trying to regulate her breathing before talking.

"Oh, Jesus... Sorry, I'm late. I forgot to set my alarm this morning, and my mom took the truck. So I had to walk here."

"No problem," Colin replied with a soft smile. Then Hunter's red knuckles caught his eyes.

"Are you cold? Today is a bit colder than usual."

She instantly hid his hands in the pockets of his black denim jacket.

"Huh..? No worries. I got pretty warm walking."

Just then, there was a loud honking. Turning their heads, they saw Mare pulling up beside them.

"Enough with the chit-chat, ladies!" She shouted angrily at them through the open window. "We're late. Just get in the car already!"

Colin panicked but tried not to show her and continued speaking gentlemanly as if Mare hadn't just yelled at them.

"A-Alright... Looks like Mare's not in the mood today. So, let me ask you instead. Do you want to sit in the front seat or the back seat? I don't mind either way but-"

Hunter was already in the back seat as he spoke.

"Just get in the car, for God's sake!" She yelled at him, unable to stop laughing.

Colin was stunned momentarily but then quickly got into the front seat. And Mare could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

"Now... Hold on tight, or I won't be responsible for your head trauma."

And then she stepped on the gas with all her might and drove towards the hospital, not caring about leaving black tire tracks on the road.

"God dammit, Sergeant!"

As Colin hurried to fasten his seat belt, Mare wished she hadn't missed visiting hours because of these two blabbers.

When they arrived at the hospital, visiting hours were still in progress. So they stopped rushing and calmly entered the corridor where Ms.Lange was.

“Let’s hope she’s awake.” Colin murmured. With a bouquet of daisies in his hands (from the florist outside the hospital), he looked like a shy man going on a date. It made Hunter smile.

He looks pretty thoughtful. She thought. It's cute, in a way.

They kept walking along the corridor, and Mare knocked on the door when they finally found Ms.Lange’s room.

“Good morning, sunshine! Still not awake? Course, you’re awake.”

When Mare’s fake-happy voice lightened up the room, Colin and Hunter followed her inside. But… there was no one in the room. Just a few wisps of smoke floating above the bed.

“I know you’re here. I can see it in the air.” Mare said smilingly and started to walk to bed.

Since they both lived in the same town, Colin thought they could be friends. Cause that would explain the sincerity in Mare's speech.

"Ugh! Just leave me alone, would ya?"

Ms.Lange was crouched in the small space between the bed and the wall, puffing on a cigarette in distress. Colin took a few steps forward to get a better look. But instantly, he felt terrible for seeing her wet eyes and messy blonde hair falling over her shoulders. Also, she looked so small in that hospital gown.

It was hard for them to watch someone at her lowest.

"Oh... Come here, Jess."

Mare took her arm and gently laid her on the bed. And her wet eyes met Hunter's for the first time since the incident happened.

"Hey, Ms.Lange... How do you feel?" Hunter asked half-heartedly as she took timid steps toward the bed.

"I'm glad you're alive."

She didn't get on very well with her. Because Ms.Lange was also an edgy spirit. And everyone (especially Mare) knew that fire and gunpowder could never go together. But Hunter never got along with anyone. So… There was no need for drama.

Hunter was asked to protect Ms. Lange. And she did her job. That was it.

"Thank you for pounding that bastard. Now I owe you." She thanked her with an invisible smile.

Hunter laughed joyfully.

"Why don't you just double my paycheck and send it to me?"

When an amused expression appeared on Ms.Lange's pale face, Mare and Colin smiled at each other.

"Honey... Don't worry, I will."

At that moment, Colin decided that holding the bouquet of daisies in his hand this long made him look funny, so he bent down and handed it to Ms. Lange with a sweet smile.

"These are for you."

"Oh, boy... Why the bother?"

As she embraced the bouquet smilingly, Mare took the tape recorder out of her jacket pocket and sat down on the chair beside to bed with a severe expression.

"Now… If we're done with the pleasantries, let's take your statement, shall we?"

Then they started talking about the whole incident from the beginning. Mare asked Ms.Lange told. How she had been repeatedly abused by her ex-husband and the latest incident... And the reason why.

"He told me I would not have peace unless I gave up the house we bought together."

Colin was all quiet and busy listening and examining Ms.Lange's expressions.

"...And I said, fuck yourself. I'm not giving you my goddamn home!"

"Well said."

When Hunter murmured as he looked out the window, Colin's eyes immediately shifted to her. Then began to study her side profile and behind.

She was about Mare's height. And with her well-fitting leather jacket, black jeans, black boots, and dark brown hair falling down her back in a loose ponytail, she somehow resembled a biker. Colin couldn't help but wonder if her hair was as soft as it looked. Or how it would feel sliding through his fingers.

Oh, stop it, Colin! Are you a fucking pervert?

He invisibly slapped himself and turned his gaze to Ms.Lange again. But his mind was still on Hunter. A lot of strange thoughts about her had been running through his mind since yesterday.

Like, what kind of panties she wears? Does she sleep naked? Or if she likes being handcuffed during...

Colin was embarrassed just for thinking those sinful thoughts but couldn't resist anyway. He was curious asf.

"What do you blushing for, detective?"

Jesus Christ!!

Colin was startled when he heard her low voice near his left ear, surrounded by her warm breath. The hairs on the back of his neck instantly stood on. She was so close to him that he could feel the warmth of her body.

"I'm not blushing." Colin muttered with panic. He wasn't even able to give her a proper look. But Hunter had been watching him all along, intensely. Since she was the one who asked.

"Were you daydreaming?"

Hunter asked again with her low voice, this time grinning mischievously. She looked so provocative to Colin for doing that.

God... Keep me sane.

He swallowed, fidgeted uncomfortably where he stood, and then crossed his arms nervously over his chest. He knew he was being AWKWARD at the moment. But he couldn't help it. He always reacted awkwardly when things he didn't expect happened around him.

"No... I don't daydream during working hours." Colin replied with a serious look, at least trying to look serious, but... Did he manage? He wasn't sure of it. Because Hunter started giggling as he finished.

"Liar."

At that moment, Mare turned over her shoulder and called, "Hey!" to them.

"We're done here. Does anyone want to add anything? Hunter?"

When Mare called her over, Hunter had to stop picking on Colin and reluctantly walked over to the bed.

"Well... I got few things to say, actually."

Colin breathed a sigh of relief when Hunter's attention turned away from him to Ms.Lange.

Oh... God, thank you.

It was a blessing for Colin. Because when Hunter had almost cornered him, Mare had intervened and saved him unwittingly.

"Ms.Lange, I have to tell you that I am really proud of you for having the courage to file a complaint against your abusive ex-husband. Since he'll go to jail, you won't be a target for him. In this case, I guess you won't need me anymore. So…"

Ms.Lange sat up from her bed a little and nodded in agreement.

"You're right. He's going to jail. But let me tell you this..."

She took a deep breath and opened her lips to tell Hunter what she had just told Mare.

"Maybe he won't be around, but his creditors will find me."

Hunter frowned in confusion, and for a moment, her eyes flickered between Mare and Colin suspiciously.

"What is that mean?"

Ms.Lange started to explain.

"I learned from one of his friends that he got a lot of money from a loan shark to fix his shitty business. That's why he wanted my house in the first place. I don't know how much he owes them, but I'm not willing to pay."

She sniffled her red nose for a second and wiped her teary eyes once again, after explaining the situation patiently.

"As you can see, the danger has not passed yet. These guys are gonna come after me to take their money. God... I was thinking of moving out of here before the accident, but now..."

"I didn't allow her." Mare intervened aggressively.

"Because we're not gonna be afraid of by a bunch of weasels!"

Now, there were sparks of enthusiasm in her eyes.

"Also, we're cops, for God's sake! Aren't we, Zabel?"

Colin nodded his head instantly, like a soldier.

"Yes, sergeant!"

All this made Hunter nervous, but it wasn't enough to scare her. Because she was not an easily frightened person and pretty good with guns. Cause she was a cop's daughter, after all.

"So... Girly, if it's okay with you, I want to keep you by my side as a bodyguard for a while longer. And Mare says you need a job. So..."

Mare's eyes looked down at her feet as she spoke the last words, and Hunter didn't say anything. Cause it was true. She needed this job.

"What do you say?" Ms.Lange asked sincerely.

And Hunter's hesitation just disappeared at that moment. Because she knew that she often struggled to find a decent job. And it's hard for her to say out loud, but… There were bills to pay and family members to feed at the end of the day. So… She wasn't going to pass up this offer.

"Well…"

After a short cough, "I'm not as cruel as to say 'no' to someone who asks me to protect her." she answered.

"Also, I'm not afraid of the bad guys you mentioned. Cuz you know, I'm the bad guy myself." She added with a cocky smile.

"So... Don't worry, Ms.Lange. I'll guard you at all costs."

Ms.Lange's eyes were shining with tears now.

"Oh... Call me Jess already, you rascal!"

Hunter reached out and attempted to shake her trembling hand with a warm smile, but suddenly, Ms.Lange threw her arms around Hunter's shoulders and hugged her tightly. Then whispered in her ears with gratitude:

"Thank you."

...

It was already lunchtime when they finished the query and threw themselves out of the hospital.

"...kay, thank you."

Mare had already called the station and asked them to send two police officers to stand guard outside the hospital until Ms.Lange was discharged.

"Well... Everything seems fine." Mare said as she put her phone in the back pocket of her pants.

"The police officers are on their way to stand guard. They will look after Ms.Lange for a couple days until she is discharged. And..."

After a long sigh, Mare continued to explain the current situation.

"The other officers will arrive soon to pick up the bastard after his treatment. I think he'll go straight to jail. So the case will be over. And, then, our new case will begin. But for now, everyone can take a deep breath."

After a short silence, Colin was the first to speak.

"Uh, Mare... Since it's lunchtime, where are we going to eat?" He asked when the hot steam from his lips formed a small cloud above his head.

"Is there a good place to get a burger or a coffee around here?"

Mare shrugged as she unlocked her car.

"I don't know about you, but I should go home for lunch. Drew is pretty ill and didn't go to school today. So... Take care of yourselves!"

"But, Detective... Won't you take us with you? Where can I go-"

Colin tried to object, but...

"Oh, stop whining, Zabe! I've given you the best guide you can ever find. What more do you need? Hunter's a local girl. And I'm sure she knows a good place."

As Hunter chuckled to Colin, Mare had already gotten into her car.

"Go eat something with her!" She shouted out with a half-smile through the window. "See you at the station." Then she left the hospital's parking lot in a hurry.

"Oh, boy..."

Hunter laughed at Colin's frightened expression. Her spirits were freaking high. Because she just realized that the poor detective was afraid to be alone with her.

"Looks like you're stuck with me."

It was the first thing Colin said to her. And... He had said it with disappointment then, but Hunter looked hella amused when she said it now.

"Oh, it's not... I mean, I'm not nervous about hanging out with you. Ever."

Colin tried to smile and acted like it was not a big deal.

But it is a BIG deal! Fuck, I just daydreamed about you. He thought in anxiety.

How can I look at your face again? God, help me.

Hunter smiled, oblivious to Colin's thoughts.

"Then it's good." She simply replied and pointed to the street ahead with her index finger.

"This way! I know a good place that makes delicious burgers and fries. But I can't say anything about coffee. I'm not a coffee person."

When Hunter started to walk that way, Colin immediately chased after her. Since he was hungry as a wolf, he just focused on the "burgers and fries" part.

For a while, they walked side by side in silence. But Colin was not a man who liked silence, so after a few minutes, he felt obliged to speak. Even if it irrelevant.

"By the way, is your name really Hunter? Or is it some kind of nickname?"

Hunter's chin twitched momentarily before she gave a reply to his unnecessary question.

"It's not a nickname. It's my real name."

She was very sensitive about her name but didn't want to make it too obvious. So she quickly dropped the issue by looking around.

However, Colin couldn't seem to let it go.

"It's a boy's name." He said casually as he looked at the houses and shops on the street. "You know that, right?"

When she felt the anger boil inside of her, she stopped walking suddenly. Didn't want to break anyone's heart over this, but...

The name issue was a BIG red button for her, and that Colin guy fucking pressed it with his broke ass. Unwittingly or not. He made her hella pissed.

"What happened?"

When he realized Hunter was no longer walking beside him, he stopped and turned around, looking curious. There were 5 steps between them, and judging by the look on his face, he clearly was unaware that he had just dropped a brick.

"Are you... kay?"

As his eyes met her piercing gaze, he felt that familiar, itchy, electric current run up from his kneecaps to his stomach.

"Detective," She broke her silence.

"I highly recommend you to be careful when you put my name on your tongue." She underlined every single word with a dangerous timbre.

"W-What?"

Colin was intimidated by the sudden seriousness of the girl laughing only five minutes ago.

"Oh... Did I say som-"

Hunter got closer and said her words straight to his face:

"This is my first and last warning to you. So, you better listen to me carefully."

She never broke eye contact with him, so Colin couldn't look away this time.

"Don't ever make fun of my name again. Or I swear I'll beat you and make sure you won't be able to pee on your own, for a long time."

Colin felt a tingling under his pants right after she finished.

Oh, God...

Her words were so powerful that he couldn't believe he had an erection just because of that.

Like how tf?!!

It wasn't supposed to be.

"Let me introduce myself properly." She continued her warning speech, oblivious to his thoughts.

"My name is Hunter. And no, it's not just for boys! Also, my dear father didn't give me this name because he thought I would be a boy. He gave me this name 'cause when he first saw me, he knew I would be a badass hunter one day."

This was a harsh outburst (and a bit rude), but strangely, it pleased Colin. Somehow, he liked being scolded by this unpredictable woman. 

"Now, if that's clear," Hunter dropped the conversation gladly as she saw Colin nod. "I'm going for lunch." They both seemed relieved at that moment.

"If you're still hungry, you can join me."

She lightly patted Colin on the arm and walked past him to the restaurant around the corner. After a few seconds of freezing, he quickly zipped up the front of his coat and called out while chasing after her:

"Thank you for, uh... warning me! Hunter... I won't do it again."

When Hunter didn't give any reaction and kept walking to the restaurant, Colin felt like a total idiot. 

Agh! Shut up already! You're such a loser.

The 'name thing' was obviously her soft spot, and she had taken out her claws to protect herself, her name. But there was no need for that. Colin had made her do it with his reckless words. And now he was feeling guilty as fuck.

When Hunter walked through the restaurant door with the sign Apple Pie'rre and disappeared, Colin rushed in and headed for the table where she was sitting. The little bell at the top of the door kept ringing after him, but it faded into the crowd after a while.

Apple Pie'rre** (imaginary place)

"Wow... This place is nice." Colin said half-smiley while sitting down in front of Hunter. His eyes were studying inside now. 

The restaurant was large and had a spacious dining area with retro double leather armchairs and wooden tables. It looked like a warm, family-friendly place. And also quite crowded at this time of day. 

The smell of burgers, coffees, and sugary treats carried by passing waiters whet Colin's appetite. 

"My father's favorite place. It was..." Hunter said quietly while studying the menu.

"He used to get us here every Sunday." 

A broken smile appeared on her face but quickly disappeared. Good memories were long gone. Would there be new ones? Hunter didn't sure.

After a long look at her, Colin mustered up the courage and said what was going on in his mind, despite the risk of getting beaten up by her.

"Well... He had a good taste, I must say."

Hunter didn't look angry or offended. On the contrary, she was just smiling contently.

"Yeah, he had."

And then she called out to the waitress at the table they were sitting at. The faltering look on her face broke Colin's heart. From what he'd observed so far, Hunter was a fun-loving, teasing girl and a bit of a hothead. But now, Colin was seeing her like this for the first time.

I think she was a little touched. He thought, looking at her teary eyes.

Another soft spot has been determined. Be careful, Zabe.

"Did you know they've been making the best burgers in this town since 1975?"

"No." Colin replied simply and did not move his eyes from her a bit.

"Well, I guess you learned just now."

"Yeah."

She tried to distract him with some unnecessary information cause she didn't want to look so fragile and small in front of him. But her plan just didn't work. Thanks to her teary eyes, now the only thing on Colin's mind was how much she cared for her father. 

Fuck! She hissed to herself and wiped her eyes quickly when Colin turned his head to the waitress that came to their table.

"Have you decided on your orders? Uh, Hunter?! How are you?"

When they started to chat, Colin's eyes studied the girl. Apparently, she is one of Hunter's friends. And she was looking exactly the opposite of Hunter. She was all in pink clothes and had short, wavy blonde hair. And she also had bracelets decorated with colorful beads and charms. And her creepy smile with 32 teeth… Let's say she just looked like she had escaped from Wonderland.

It just doesn't look like Hunter's taste, Colin thought. She probably likes being that 'dark' girl in high school.

Colin sighed as he looked at her naturally red lips. Hunter may have been a tomboyish girl, but at the same time, she was too hot to handle. And she also seemed to make it her hobby to give poor Colin mixed signals and make him feel delusional.

God knows what else.

"Oh, I think I'mma go with a double cheeseburger, some onion rings, and a big cup of cola."

"Alright... The usual order goes for my friend. And sir? What would you like to order?"

Zabel was so lost in his thoughts.

"Zabe!" When Hunter called him, he quickly downed to the earth and gave his order by saying, "Same as hers." with a nervous smile. 

As the waitress headed to the kitchen, he removed his coat and put it next to him. It was boiling inside. And also, thankfully, his boner was gone.

"I... I heard about your dad, and I'm so sorry." He dived straight into what he wanted to talk about without any fear.

"It's a shame I didn't get to meet him. I could've learned a lot from him." 

She was totally father's daughter. Colin could tell just by looking at her. But unfortunately, ten years ago, she lost her 'dear father' in a most tragic way. He learned from Mare this morning and felt terrible for her. 

Poor girl just bit the bullet and went on with her life. Colin thought.

His father was just an alcoholic abuser when her father was a hero in the state where he lived. And how could it be that a scumbag like his father was still alive, and hers was in the ground? Colin is never gonna understood that. Ever.

As Hunter's absent-minded, bereaved eyes were still looking out the window, "I wondered something." Colin continued.

"You are obviously a tough cookie. And pretty smart. Why didn't you consider becoming a detective like your old man? I mean… Mare followed in her father's footsteps and became a good detective. What about you? Didn't you ever want to?"

He now realized how badly he wanted to partner up with her. But it wasn't an option at all. 

"So... You're asking me why I ended up as a pain in the ass instead of being a brilliant detective, right?" Hunter replied with a smirk. This guy was really something else. 

"Yea-"

For a moment, Colin was relieved she didn't mind him talking about her father. But after that, he got panicked at what she said.

"No, no, no, I didn’t say that. I didn't say that you're a pain in th-"

"Slow down, detective. I'm just teasing." Hunter laughed joyfully.

"But... I bet you wished to imply it. Cause I did 'your job' at the most needed time. You must feel useless and humiliated when you arrived at that garage."

Colin didn't say anything, but the look on his face told everything. Indeed, at first, he was jealous of her, but now he only admired her.

"Anyway... Let me be clear for you, detective."

Hunter gathered all her thoughts about this topic and reached her point without haste.

"As you witnessed earlier, I have some… anger issues. If I were a cop, I probably wouldn't be able to handcuff criminals without punching the shit out of them. So I think it's good that I'm not a cop for your peace. I mean... You probably wouldn't want a problematic co-worker around you. Would you?" She ended up her speech with a tricked question as she delightfully smiled. And he couldn't take his eyes off her smile for a moment.

Actually... Colin would want her around him, as a cop or not. Cause she was right his cup of tea. But he didn't say anything, just dropped the conversation with a nervous laugh.

"Here you go!"

Just as they were about to fall into another long silence, the delicious smells of burgers and fries filled the table. And Colin suddenly came to life, his eyes wide open and unable to hide his surprise.

"Wow, that was fast!"

The waitress girl, 'Pixy' (That's what it said on her name badge.), smiled cheerfully and confessed, "I prepared your orders myself. Enjoy!"

"Pixy, you're the best! I love you!"

When she chuckled and left to take another table's order, Hunter took a massive bite of her burger and closed her eyes while chewing it slowly. Her taste buds were exploding with flavor. At that moment, she didn't care if she looked like she was having an orgasm. Cause that burger was fire. And she just wanted to enjoy it.

"You look so lovely."

Colin let his thoughts escape his lips for a moment, and when he realized what he had just said, he had a coughing fit as he focused on his following words to fix the situation. His eyes were wide open.

"I mean... You look like you're enjoying too much of that burger. It must be your favorite food.

Hunter awkwardly smiled with her full mouth and looked away shyly. Because she had just been caught in the act of her guilty pleasure.

"Is it... that obvious?"

She swallowed her bite while thinking about what she's gonna say after. And when she finished, she put the burger down and explained calmly, "Yeah, it's my favorite food. But, since I'm on a hard diet, I haven't had a burger for a long time."

"Diet?!" Colin surprised.

"You don't look like you need a diet."

Hunter took a big sip from his coke and kept explaining shyly.

"Well... Actually, I'm interested in bodybuilding."

She didn't want to tell him that fact about herself, but… She had just said it.

"It's not like... I want to be huge or be a professional. I just wanted to push my limits."

She felt insecure after saying that cause, from what she had seen so far, most men didn't approve of women's muscle building. So… She just wondered what he would think about it.

"I can see that you are ambitious," Colin said while thinking.

"If pushing your limits makes you happy, you shouldn't feel guilty about it."

"Who said I feel guilty?"

Colin kept his attitude the same.

"Then, why are you looking at me like you want me to approve you?"

The daring expression and the confident tone of his voice...

Damn!

This time, he cornered her. And made her look away.

Are you the same detective that had red cheeks earlier today? She thought in confusion. Clearly, she didn't expect that question.

It was Colin's first-ever challenge to her.

"You're a strong woman, with or without muscles." Colin continued confidently as he saw a doubtful look on her face. Now he was looking right into Hunter's eyes with his own will for the first time.

"It's nobody's business but you."

Hunter thought men were programmed to despise and criticize women all her life. Cause, with the exceptions, most men are fucking bullies, and the rest are just cowards with a hero complex. Thinking women can't do anything on their own. But it was hella wrong!

"Well..." She sighed.

No man, other than her father, had ever said such encouraging things to her. So, she felt a bit touched at that moment. Offguarded...

"You're quite a rare man, detective. Has anyone told you that before?" His speech had defeated Hunter, and Colin was aware of it.

"Nope," He smiled a little timidly. "You're the first." Then he took a bite of his burger with peace of mind, knowing that he had finally created a breach in her walls.

Oh, boy...

She couldn't help but smile mischievously as she took another sip from her coke.

I think we'll be seeing each other more often, detective.

I've got my eye on you.

Keep reading --> ( Part.3 )

Thank you for reading! 💗

It was a bit long, but I hope you liked it. The story will get better and better as it progresses. You can be sure of that. So please feel free to comment. And remember to leave a like. 😉

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[passerine-writes]

Silent Sparks - Volt 60

Warnings: Talk of past trauma stuff Word count: 3412

Notes: Italics - Tsukare signing Bold italics - Family member/friend signing 'Italics with apostrophes' - Thoughts

Masterlist

Volt 59 | Timeline | Volt 61

We all sat around the dorms after the exam, all of us running on the pure excitement of obtaining our licenses. Provisional or not, we knew how big of a deal they were. I walked into the common room, holding a glass of juice. Everyone was talking and having a good time, and as excited as I was, I was drained and had a lot on my mind. So instead of hanging out with everyone, I took the short walk over to my parents place, Hitoshi hot on my trail.

What's going on?

I gotta talk to Dad and Pops about something.

At night?

Yeah.

My brother nodded in confusion but our parents happily greeted us once we walked in. Auntie Nem was sitting on the couch, sipping on a glass of wine.

"Hello boys, congratulations on passing. I'm very proud of you both." She told us, reaching out and ruffling each of our heads of messy hair. "I feel as though you want to talk to your fathers about something, so I'll be on my way." I gave her a hug and sat on the couch after she left.

"Onryo? Hitoshi? Is everything okay?" I scratched at my arm nervously, biting back a word vomit that would bite me in the ass. "Onryo?" I looked at Dad, merely glancing at him. The itching feeling welled up in my body and I loathed that it was a persistent issue again.

"I think I want to meet my birth family." I finally blurted out. Everyone looked at me in shock, clearly not expecting that out of anything. "Sorry, I-" Dad crouched in front of me and gently stopped my hands from attacking my marred skin.

"Take a breath and slow down. We aren't mad." I nodded hesitantly and took a shaky breath.

"I know that even if you don't tell me if Fumikoto's been texting you guys, she still has. I'm worried though. What if they all turn out just as crazy or crazier then Shiroka? I mean, Shikadai's gotta have a screw or two loose to date and procreate with her. I just, I don't know what to do. Because I don't really want a relationship with them but at the same time, it would probably be good for me to meet them and understand parts of where I came from, even if I hold no acknowledgement of relation towards them." Our parents simply nodded, my brother rubbing small circles on my back.

"We're not mad. We already told you we wouldn't be. This is something that's important. They have answers that we don't, so if you want to meet them then we can set something up. If you want to keep in touch with them, then that's up to you, little listener." I took a deep breath and nodded, my mind finally calming down.

"Okay. I think I should talk to Chiyo first, though. I haven't seen her in a while..." Pops pulled me into a gentle hug and hummed out a small response.

"Sounds like a plan." Dad told us.

"Have you thought about meeting your birth parents at all, little listener?" Pops asked, turning to Hitoshi, the question catching his by surprise.

"Yeah, I think I want to meet them." Our parents nodded and we slowly fell into a comfortable silence.

Hitoshi and I curled into our parents sides as we watched a movie, my head cloudy with everything going on and I tried my hardest to ignore that growing itch boiling under my skin. I attempted to push it away and not fidget, but failed more then succeeded, earning a few concerned glances from my parents.

"Onryo? Are you alright?" I quickly nodded and picked at my fingers.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I told him softly, trying to brush off his concern.

"Onryo." Dad pressed slightly. Not demanding I open up, but reminding me that the door to talk was open.

"I kissed Denki." I blurted out, rather than confessing what happened the other night. I watched as Hitoshi tried to conceal his laughter. Pops smiling widely, head snapping back and forth to watch this play out while Dad looked, disgruntled.

"Come again?" I swallowed the lump in my throat and awkwardly smiled.

"At Sero's house, we were playing truth or dare and Mina dared us to kiss. But it hasn't happened again since." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"'Zashi? Can we talk for a minute?" Pops' eyes went even wider but he quickly nodded, giving my brother and I each a kiss on the head before him and Dad went to their bedroom. Hitoshi and I shared one look with each other and made haste to get to the outside of their room. My brother signing for me once again as we eavesdropped. "I'm not happy." Dad said, getting straight to the point.

"I know Sho, but they're growing up." Pops consoled him.

"It feels like yesterday we signed the paperwork to adopt them."

"It does, but soon enough they're going to be adults. What do you want to do?" They didn't speak for a minute, Dad probably thinking about the best way to go about it.

"Ideally, I want to tell him he's not allowed to be alone or near Kaminari anymore. I know that's illogical though, and I would be overreacting. Why couldn't it be Kirishima, or Sero? Or even Tenya. Anyone but a loud blond." Pops chuckled harmoniously and I could almost see them sitting together. "What do you think we should do?"

"Well, before I share my opinions, remember what happened when your parents found out about us, and tried making us never see each other?" There was a pregnant pause. "It would only make them distance themselves from us. Plus, we both know they're good kids. The worst they've done is cuddle and kissed once. We were doing worse at their age, remember when—" Hitoshi went wide eyed and stopped signing, his hands moving to cover his ears before we hurried back to the living room.

"What happened?" He shook his head at my question.

"Nothing, just, ew." I looked at him curiously but slowly nodded, not pressing for an answer. We sat there for a few more minutes before Dad and Pops came back out.

"Onryo." I looked up at Dad, my mind finding ten thousand different ways this could go. "You aren't in trouble. Sunshine and I talked things over, more than anything, we're proud that you felt comfortable enough to say anything. I'm not particularly fond of that. I'm not exactly ready for either of you to start dating. But, due to this knowledge, your Pops and I wanted to go over a few potential ground rules for this stage of your lives." Hitoshi and I both nodded, paying close attention to what was being said. "Onryo, I would rather you not have regular sleepovers with Kaminari, however I won't be asking that of you since he somehow helps you sleep. We both are trusting you and respecting your privacy, so we ask that whatever either of you do, keep it PG. Okay?" I nodded along, my brother agreeing as well. "Good. Now, this is the important one. Whoever either of you date in the future, regardless of who it is, if they hurt you or cross a boundary, you leave that situation and inform us. If it persists and bleeds into harassment, you tell us and we handle it. Understood?"

"So, if whoever we date starts acting like Takai, get the hell out of there and tell you two." Dad gave a curt nod at my comparison and I sent him a thumbs up.

"And Onryo, for the time being I don't mind the sleepovers, your health takes priority over my worrying. But I would prefer that they don't become habitual afterwards." I gave a small nod. "Is there anything else you want to tell us? Seeing as how telling us about Kaminari was the first diversion you thought of?" My face went bright red, not expecting to be caught that easily.

"I don't really wanna talk about it." He nodded once, respecting the fact that I didn't want to open up.

"Do those rules sound fair?" Pops asked lightly.

"Yeah, in all honesty, you've never set unfair rules for us." I chimed in, my brother agreeing with a small nod.

"Okay. You two should head back to the dorms for the night, try and rest before classes start tomorrow. Onryo, don't forget you have detention after school for the first two days." I sighed but gave our Dad a thumbs up.

"I forgot you had detention this week. Sho, are we sure it's a good idea for him to have detention this week? He'll have to be in the same room as that kid for a few hours for the next two days." Dad sat there for a moment, trying to find a way to word it.

"You both know I have two answers for this, right?" My brother and I silently agreed, waiting for him to continue. "As your Dad, I know it's a horrible idea. I don't want you going through that again. As your teacher, it's a lesson as to why you need to strive towards keeping a more level head against arrogant pricks like that."

"I know, I wish I didn't react that way but if Kendo didn't beat me to the metaphorical and literal punch, I would've been in more trouble." My parents simply sighed and shared a small look.

"Very well, you two should head back now. You both know what to do if a nightmare happens." Dad told us softly.

My brother and I said our goodnights and walked back to the dorms in a comfortable silence.

So, what didn't you want to tell them?

It's nothing, don't worry about it.

How many times do I have to tell you this? I'm going to worry, you're my brother. If I pulled that back there, you'd probably never let me hear the end of it.

Well, good thing I can't hear all that well.

Onryo. You've been off more than normal the past few days.

And I'll bounce back. I'm fine.

My brother hung his head and while I felt guilty for pushing him away, I didn't want to hurt him more by telling him the truth.

When we got back, I followed him up to his room, the two of us making coffee and sitting in silence. My conscience nagging at me to talk to him.

I'm sorry for not opening up.

He raised an eyebrow as he sipped on his coffee.

Okay?

I just, I'm so angry about so many things and it all just feels so stupid and overwhelming and even though I'm angry, I'm stressed and still just feel empty.

You need to start processing what happened.

I don't want to think about it. I have to see it all over again whenever I sleep, that should be more than enough processing.

You know what I mean. You should start seeing Chiyo again.

She's gonna want me to talk about it.

Then tell her you're not ready until you end up word vomiting it. I think we've both talked about worse things.

It's different from when we were kids.

How so?

Growing up, we got normalized to that shit. It didn't hurt to talk about as much because that was our every day. It's been seven years since anything like that has happened. Sure we might have gotten snide remarks and stuff, but nothing to that degree. It's like the first time a foster parent or Kasumi hit me all over again. I'm confused and hurt and I blame myself for not being stronger.

Makes sense when you put it that way. I usually disassociate when my stuff gets that bad until I can deal with it.

I know. You always have.

You're allowed to feel the pain.

I don't want to feel the pain. I've felt enough to last me a few lifetimes.

We all have, but it's not going to hurt less until you process it and Chiyo can help speed up the process.

I think this is gonna take longer than what you're thinking.

Better to start sooner rather than later.

I shrugged and we drank our coffee together for a while. Talking about menial things to pass the time until the whole dorm building shook from the force of a door closing.

My brother and I quietly rushed downstairs, taking the emergency staircase and saw our Dad restraining Bakugou and Midoriya with his capture weapon. I slowly backed up and waited for my brother to tell me what was going on.

Bakugou and Izuku snuck out and got into a fight, they're on house arrest for the next few days.

Shit.

My brother hung his head and went upstairs, telling me he needed some alone time, which I respected. So I started wandering, taking in the silence and the tranquility of the dorms. I walked up the flight of stairs in the back of the dorms until I stumbled across the door to the roof. Hesitantly, I pushed open the door and quickly became enamored at all of the stars.

From Drowzee: Get off of the roof and go to bed.

I ran a hand through my hair, not even thinking about the cameras or the possibility of a silent alarm that would alert him.

To Drowzee: I can't sleep, can I stay up here for a bit? I want to look at the stars. I can't see them from my balcony

From Drowzee: Fine, but I'll be checking the cameras to make sure you're okay. Please text me when you go back to your dorm. I love you.

To Drowzee: Alright, I love you too

I pocketed my phone and got comfortable on the roof. Laying on it and staring at the thousands and millions of stars above me. Movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention and my head snapped to see Denki gently shutting the door and leaving it cracked. I quickly popped in my hearing aids so I could hear him rather then trying to read his lips.

"What's a cute guy like you doing up here all alone?" I was thankful for the darkness not allowing him to see how red I got from that.

"What's a hot shot like you doing up this late?" He sent me a smirk and sat down next to me.

"Couldn't sleep, heard something going on downstairs, peeked my head out and saw you going to the staircase and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Still having a hard time sleeping?" I solemnly nodded, propping myself up against my forearms. "So what's so interesting about the sky?"

"UA is further away from the city, it's more secluded, so we don't get light pollution that much. It's nice being able to see the stars." His eyebrows furrowed together slightly.

"The stars?" I nodded softly, finally somewhat placated after our long day. "Do you know any constellations?"

"Yeah, I hyperfixated on it for a while, my dads even took me to the observatory so I could use the big telescope." He shed his open zip up hoodie and propped it back as a makeshift pillow, hands resting behind his head. He not so subtly glanced at his bicep and I happily accepted the invitation to cuddle. Warmth radiating from his body as we stared at the stars.

"Tell me about the constellations?" I blushed wildly, still not used to someone wanting to hear my ramblings and seemingly pointless things.

"So, that super bright star is Polaris, it points to north. If you follow it until it's directly above your head, you'll be at the North Pole. It connects to Ursa Minor." I traced the stars with my index finger. "Just below it is Draco, followed by Hercules." Denki seemed to be listening intently as I went on rambling about the stars. "My favorite is Ophiuchus. It's apparently the rarest constellation to see." I looked up at him through my eyelashes and saw him already staring at me. "Sorry, I know when I ramble it gets boring sometimes." I said awkwardly.

"You said it to me before, so now it's my turn. I like listening to you ramble about stuff. It's relaxing. You're super smart and I don't understand some of the things you talk about, but I like hearing you talk." I blushed more and hoped to the gods that the moonlight wasn't bright enough to let him see.

"Not a lot of people like hearing me ramble. I know it can get annoying." I mumbled, the blond propping himself up so he was hovering above me.

"I like hearing you talk. You make even the simplest things sound like a super cool story." I tugged my lip between my teeth as I tried to figure out what to say. "Do you not believe me?" Denki gasped dramatically, feigning disbelief. His hands quickly moved to my sides, tickling me with no end in sight. My laughter broke through the night sky, unprepared for the last resort methods.

"S-Stop!" I got out between laughs.

"Not until you say you believe me!" I laughed harder, my stomach hurting from how much I was.

"O-Okay! Okay! I believe you!" His hands quickly stopped and he smiled wildly.

"Why thank you so very much." I laughed softly, taking a moment to catch my breath.

"That was so out of pocket." He smirked and shrugged.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I think it was totally fair." I rolled my eyes and subtly checked him out, the muscles in his arms enunciated as he supported himself above me, the way his hair fell, his smile. Until I looked back to his eyes and realized I wasn't as subtle as I thought. "See something you like?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He shot me a facetious glare and raised a brow.

"I'll wait for my answer another day. You look exhausted though. What do you say to a last minute movie night?" He asked as he stood, offering a hand before slowly helping me up.

"Sounds like a plan. My dorm or yours?" He thought for a moment before saying mine.

So we silently went back inside and down to my dorm room, I sent my Dad a text and let him know I was back inside and that Denki and I were having a movie night. The blond plopped himself on my bed and waited for me to grab my laptop.

"I have to change into pajamas really quick, but," I opened my laptop and passed it to him, "you get to pick what we're watching tonight." He sent me a mock salute and I grabbed my clothes and changed in my bathroom. Only realizing once I changed that I accidentally grabbed one of Izuku's shirts that he left at my house from middle school, so needless to say, it didn't fit. I took a deep breath and went back out shirtless, his eyes immediately on me with a pink tinted face. "I uh, grabbed a shirt that didn't fit."

"I don't mind seeing a hot guy shirtless." I rolled my eyes and moved to my dresser, digging around for at least a tank top or t-shirt. "Do I have to tickle you again so you believe me?" I huffed out a laugh with a shake of my head.

"Wouldn't work anyways, I just don't see it." He groaned and pulled his hair back into a small ponytail with his bangs hanging out.

"How can you not see it? You don't even have to try, you just look amazing." I shrugged and tugged on a tank top.

"What're we watching tonight?" I asked, changing the topic as I sat down beside him.

"I was thinking Cuphead." I let out a small laugh but silently agreed, my hearing aids already synced up with my laptop as he hit play.

My head eventually fell on his shoulder as the episodes played, my eyes drooping despite the light being on and I only hoped that I could get a good nights sleep for once.

#mha #bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #denki #kaminari #kaminari x oc #tsukare #onryo #tsukare onryo #erasermic family #aizawa #dadzawa #eraserhead #present mic #hizashi yamada #hitoshi #shinso #hitoshi shinso #class 1a #angst #slowburn #lgbt #adopted au #series

[patrocles]

When the wolf dreams came, Sansa was older. She was safe and stronger within the walls of Winterfell and she was a Queen of Winter. But in her dreams she ran with Lady again. They sought-out enemies who once made her afraid. In these dreams she learned the taste of flesh, and when she woke there was dirt beneath her nails and bitterness on her tongue. She was afraid of who she became in the dark.

#a song of ice and fire #asoiafgif #asoiafedit #gotsansastark #sansa stark #gotasoiafsource #alright so listen we're talking about trauma responses #we're talking about post traumatic stress in the form of sleep walking and such #sansa doesnt have the same literal warging wolf dreams as her siblings but she does have episodes of dissociative states #that manifest as what she would remember as wolf dreams but are very literally her sleep walking and running in the woods #this sort of trauma response is something that i'm very very familiar with and its something that i think makes sense for sansa #especially after years of repressing her trauma and having to pacify any sort of emotional response to literally everything that's happened #i do believe that as an adult she's going to be extremely hypervigilant - a branch of ptsd thats more to do with hyer-awareness and anxiety #and extreme mistrust in everyone she meets #and particularly high stress triggered episodes that look like the above #but theres literally no language for mental health in this world so its just... wolf dreams #thank u for ur time today #please support my weak ass endeavor so i didnt have to use von trier for nothing

[ashotofeuphoria]

As I Hold You

Pairing: Firefighter! Jongho x Injured! Reader

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: character death (not member or reader), ANGST, car accident, blood, injury, fire, v brief description of a dead body, trauma, potential miscarriage (hinted at), let me know if i missed anything!

Authors Note: First fic! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy!

You don't remember the impact. The sound of metal crushing, of horns blaring, and tires screeching. Everything just went black.

You had been out running errands all day with your younger brother, Gabriel. You needed to pick up some more supplies for your baby who was soon to arrive. Your first baby shower was scheduled for this upcoming weekend. While you knew that your family and friends would support you and buy you most everything you needed for your baby; you still wanted to buy cute outfits and toys in the anticipation of their arrival.

Your final stop was a new boutique that opened across town, and your younger brother was eager to chauffeur you. He knew that you were a little scared of what the future held and wanted to ease any stress he could, by doing little acts of service for you.

You were living with your family and would remain there throughout your first year of motherhood. You hadn't meant to become pregnant. In fact, you were rather scared of the idea of children and pregnancy. But accidents happen, as they tend to, and your (ex)boyfriend ended up knocking you up.

It was an amicable split when you broke up. You both knew it wouldn't last, and children don't fix broken relationships. He did agree to support you the best he can and you're thankful for that much. It's overwhelming honestly, having the amount of support from everyone that you do. One thing is for sure, this baby will be so loved.

Your brother walked you out to the car, all the bags in his hands, opened the door for you and helped you in. You were only about 4 months along, so you just barely had a visible bump on your small figure. But he held your hand and helped you step into the car regardless. He shut the door and ran around to the driver's side before opening the door and hopping in.

"Thank you for driving me today, buddy. I know you have other things you could be doing," you said as he started the car.

"You know I'd rather spend time with you than do anything else. All I do is read and listen to music in my room, it's not like I do all that much," he chuckled, finding it amusing how appreciative you are of a simple car ride.

"Yeah, alright," you smiled towards him, "Still I know you aren't required to help me out, so thank you. Love you, bubs."

"Love you too, y/n," he said as he glanced towards you with a soft smile.

The car pulled out of the parking lot with the GPS routed 20 minutes down the highway to the boutique. Gabriel took a left out of the neighborhood, and you asked him for the aux.

"Sure," he replied, keeping his eyes on the road but reaching for the cord to hand to you.

You began playing your K-pop playlist, something that's been getting you through the days recently. When you hit shuffle, Love Die Young by Eric Nam started playing. You started to harmonize with the chorus as Gabe pulled the car onto the highway.

"Not this sappy shit, y/n, really?" he giggled as he watched you dramatically act out the song, clutching at your heart as you sing, staring at him with a smile plastered on your face.

"His voice is so smooth I can't help it Gabe," you exclaimed in a sing-songy tone. "So, what do you think I'm gonna have? A boy or girl?" you ask him as the car hits the speed limit and he puts on cruise control.

"Honestly, I think it'll be a little girl. I hope it is at least. We gotta buy so many cute outfits today. I can't wait to help you take care of them. Whatever they may be," he laughed glancing over at you.

"I have this whole idea for their room, I want to do a taupe and mossy green color for the walls. And I think I want a lot of cute pictures of plants and different animals. Ya know, to keep it pretty but neutral, something that can age well with them," you explained to him as he steadily controls the car.

"I think it'll look perfect," he responded. "10 more minutes and we'll be there."

You nodded your head and looked out the window at the greenery. Ideas of outfits and nurseries swimming in your head. You closed your eyes, propped your arm up on the window, and leaned your head against your hand as the car drifted down the highway.

Your eyes jolted open when you suddenly hear Gabe go from a whisper to a shout "fuck, fuCK, FUCK Y/N HANG ON!"

A car had swerved and jumped the median and was driving directly towards you, mere meters away. Showing no signs of stopping, and Gabriel having no real way to swerve to avoid them, he threw an arm in front of you, and you brought your hands up to cover your face, your knees coming up on instinct to protect your belly.

And everything went black.

----

When you came to, the first thing you noticed was the smell. Metallic, and smoky, like something was burning. Then you felt a searing pain in your head. You struggled to open your eyes but when you did you couldn't believe what you were surrounded by. The airbags had deployed, but there was blood splattered across the car. You could tell smoke was rising out of the engine, but you couldn't see much else through the cracked windshield.

You look to your left and see Gabriel covered in blood, eyes closed. And you immediately feared the worst.

"Gabe! GABE!" you reached over to shake him, to hold onto his cheek and try and get him to face you. To open his eyes. To do anything. Your ears are ringing, and you can feel your eyes stinging when he won't respond. Your hands are desperately grabbing at his shirt, and hair, willing for him to wake up, for him to be okay.

"Gabe," your voice barely bubbling out of your throat as sobs begin to overtake your body. "Gabe, please, please, wake up. please, you can't, no, please, Gabe, bubs, you're okay, we're okay, please," the sobs wrack your body as you gasp for air between each word. Tears are streaming down your face and suddenly your focus is on your hands, and you see they're covered in blood.

You hold your hands in front of you and stare at them in horror when your vision redirects to your legs. You're crushed in the car. Your legs trapped under the dashboard. Your hearing is slowly coming back as you hear sirens somewhere in the distance, but from what direction you were unaware.

You remember a car had hit you head on when it crossed into your lane going well over the speed limit. As you glance out of the passenger window to see what happened to the other car (and if you're even still on the highway) you're met with a ghastly picture of your face in the side view mirror. Your forehead has been deeply cut, and blood is dripping thickly down your forehead and has mixed with the tears falling down your cheeks.

You cough when you begin to inhale smoke. Your vision blurring, your head falls back onto your headrest as you pass out.

----

As you come to, a faint knocking sound begins to grow louder, until you can hear a man yelling "Ma'am! Ma'am! Can you hear me! You gotta wake up! Ma'am!"

You cough the smoke out of your lungs, your head throbs from the movement and you wince in pain. You're brought back to the situation you've found yourself in and remember Gabe is next to you. You look over to him and the feelings become overwhelming again, as you stare at what you can only assume is his dead body.

As a sob erupts from your throat, you look out your window at the man who was calling for you, and are met with desperate, soft brown eyes staring at you through a helmet and face guard. He's a firefighter dressed in full gear. He yells something to you, trying to overpower the other noises happening on the busy highway but you can't connect the sounds with words in your brain. You can only stare at him in confusion, tears falling faster down your cheeks, your breathing uneven.

You see him reach for the handle of the car door and try and open it mumbling a quick "fuck!" in frustration. You're trapped in this car, and he needs to find a way to get both of you out before the whole car goes up in flames.

"Get the jaws! The doors are jammed!" He yells at the team of firefighters surrounding the car and the truck.

He looks back down to you and says as clearly and reassuringly as he can, "Hey, it's okay. It'll be okay, we're gonna get you out of there, okay?"

You begin to nod your head in response when a knock is heard at your brother's window. You whip your head around and see stars for a moment. When your sight clears you see a taller man in uniform shouting to your brother, who isn't responding. Your voice is small and cracks as you try and tell the man outside "he can't, he's not-" and you feel your chest become tight once more.

You hear the man at your window begin talking to you.

"Ma'am, please try and stay still. We must make sure your head is okay. Alright? Please don't move too much. Can you do that for me?" he politely asks you, empathizing with your situation.

You meekly nod your head. Your eyes are stinging. You don't know if it's the smoke or the tears, but it's probably both. As you focus on the man in front of you, you hear the man near your brother begin yelling at his team about the window and needing to check Gabriel's vitals. The man in front of you can tell you're not paying attention, so he speaks up.

"Yunho is going to break the glass to check the man next to you, okay? Just look at me, don't look away from me, okay? My name's Jongho. Just look at me, okay? What's your name?" Jongho asks you to keep you preoccupied and focused on him.

"Y/N," you try and get out of your throat. It's so dry and scratchy your voice isn't much higher than a whisper.

"Okay, y/n. Listen to me, you'll be okay. I'm going to get you out, okay? Who is that in the car with you?"

"M-my brother, Gabe, but he, I-I don't thin-nk," you choke out as you stare at Jongho, unable to say the words. That Gabe is dead. But you don't want him to be. You don't want it to be true. You look down at your door, suddenly feeling very claustrophobic, unable to breathe. You hear glass shatter. As you begin to turn your head, Jongho raises his voice, keeping your focus on him.

"Your brother? Yunho is going to check on him and make sure everything is okay." you hear him say.

"Ma'am, are you okay?" Yunho calls out from the driver window. "Try not to breathe the smoke in, Jongho is gonna break your window to get to you, I'm going to take your brothers vitals and make sure he's doing okay. We're going to get you out of here as quickly as possible, okay?"

You glance towards him and nod your head, finding your eyes drawn to the way he checks for a pulse on Gabe, his slender fingers dancing on his throat, his wrist, anywhere he could find a heartbeat. And seeing the increasing worry on Yunho's face does nothing to reassure you. You see his eyes widen, and yours follow. He leans back and yells over to the team, "There's a pulse. It's faint, we need to get him airlifted asap! San, I need you over here!"

While you're fixated on Gabe's pale and limp figure, you hear glass shatter next to you followed by a warm hand turning your cheek towards him. You involuntarily gasp and sputter at the influx of fresh air.

"Deep breaths for me, Y/n. Please look at me." he gently demands. You look into his eyes as he shines a flashlight above them checking your pupils. He can see how bloodshot your eyes are from crying, and he glances over at your brother, then back at you. "Hey, it'll be okay, we're here now. Just look at me, don't look at him. You're okay. Everyone is here to protect you." he rushes out.

His hand rests under your chin as he uses two callused fingers to check your pulse. Then he gently tilts your head to each side to inspect the gash on your forehead as quickly as possible. He glances down your body to check your arms, and torso seeing they're mainly just bruised, when his eyes land on your bump.

His eyes widen as he asks you urgently, "Y/n are you expecting? Are you carrying a child?"

You hadn't even thought about your child. You had been so distraught over your brother; you didn't even consider the health or wellbeing of your unborn baby. Your heart rate rapidly increases as panic begins to set in.

"y-yes I am, I'm 4 months. I-I'm, do you think, are they? god please don't tell me-" you start blubbering as all the possibilities begin to tumble through your head.

Before he can reassure you, he checks down the rest of your body and sees your legs are trapped under the dashboard. And that even when the door is off you won't be able to get yourself out of the car. Jongho defaults to reassurance as he really can't even begin to answer the questions you're asking him, "I-it's okay. Everything is okay. Let's get you out of this car."

Smoke is becoming thicker around the front of the car, and you watch as it blows around Jongho's figure, flooding out the highway from where you sit. Tensions are growing higher as the crew knows there isn't much longer before the car is gone. Four men are teamed together and grab the Jaws of Life from the truck as they begin walking toward your car. Setting up on your brothers side you begin to hear metal cracking and snapping as the four men work to pry the car open with the heavy machinery. You're itching in your skin wishing to jump up and run now that you're trapped, and Jongho can tell. He has his hand braced at the back of your neck, keeping it steady, as you once again begin to panic; he rubs circles on your arm, and pushes your hair back from your sticky forehead and out of your eyes.

You can hear the Jaws stop and in the reflection of the side view mirror you can see Gabe's lifeless body being pulled from the car, his body pale and bright red from blood, blue and purple littering his figure. He's placed on a gurney and run towards the truck where someone begins CPR.

You redirect your eyes to meet Jongho's, whose eyes are looking deeply at you searching for any sign of pain or discomfort, any sudden changes in your condition. "Is he going to be okay? He has to be okay. Please tell me they can fix him." you plead with Jongho, who looks at you with nothing but the heaviest of hearts.

"We're going to do our best. I promise you we will do everything we can. But right now, we need to get you out of here too." he explains. "I'm going to go bring the Jaws over this way and we are going to get you two out of here," he asserts, gesturing at your bump. "I need you to stay still just like you have been, okay? You're doing so great. Keep your arms as close to your body as you can, and don't look at the window in case anything splinters. Do you understand me?" he asks you.

"Please don't leave me. P-please don't, don't go. Please stay." you sob as you realize you'll be left alone in your wrecked car.

"I'll be right here. Remember stay still and close your eyes." he reminds you as he drops his hands from you and gives his team room to operate on the car door.

You sob quietly to yourself. You can't believe this is happening. How Gabe could be here one second and now he's gone. The image of his pale bloody face is burned into the back of your eyelids as you squeeze them tightly shut. You hear the metal of the car frame crunching and cracking once again, as all four men yell commands and directions at each other. Your sobs are uncontrollable as you wish it had been you and not your brother. You wish with all your heart that you could've taken his place.

The door hits the asphalt and almost instantly you hear Jongho next to you, "It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here. I never left." He notices how black the smoke has gotten and decides to check your legs to see if he can carry you out before the rest of the car is disassembled.

"Can you feel your legs?" he urgently asks you.

You nod your head as you cough so hard that you gag.

"shit-" Jongho mumbles under his breath, looking all over your figure and the car, knowing he must move now or never. With his mind moving a million miles a second, he makes the decision that your legs are likely not broken and brings out a blade from his pocket to saw your seat belt off you. You watch as the sweat beads down his forehead and across his dimpled cheeks as he grits his teeth.

Jongho puts his arms under yours, pulling you into his chest, getting your upper body mostly out of the car. When your legs are more visible, he puts one arm under your back and the other under your knees and lifts. You slide out from under the dashboard and with your neck cradled by his bicep and forearm he jogs you away from the car towards the firetruck. He gets five strides in when you hear the explosion. You peek past his arm to see your car engulfed in flames. You can feel the heat on your face, and the sound has left your ears ringing once more.

The team must've anticipated the event as hoses immediately start spraying to drown the car fire. Jongho gets behind the firetruck away from the fire and sets you down making sure you are stable, with no further injuries from his manhandling. He gently places a hand on your bump and hopes against everything that this baby is okay. Just as he's about to stand to find his captain and report your status he feels your hands fist into his uniform jacket holding onto him.

"please don't leave me. please don't leave. d-don't go." you hiccup as you stare pleadingly up at him. With the way you're gripping onto him, he knows there's no way he can walk away from you right now. Instead, he stands up and grabs a clean towel from just inside the truck and begins to tenderly wipe the blood and tears off your face, avoiding the gash on your forehead.

He doesn't have the heart to tell you that Gabe didn't make it, his body covered with a sheet on the other side of the truck. He also doesn't know how to explain that if Gabe hadn't reached over to protect you, he might've been in less critical condition. That he died protecting you. So, for now he wipes away the grime; and, after seeing you shaking, unbuttons his thick uniform jacket so he can hug you; until the paramedics arrive and will inevitably pull you away from him. You don't hesitate to wrap your small arms around his waist, and he holds you, pressing your head against his chest where you can hear his steady heartbeat.

"It's okay, y/n, it's going to be okay. You're okay. I'm here. I've got you." he repeats it like a mantra, over and over, convincing he thinks, both you and himself.

#ateez angst #ateez fanfiction #ateez #choi jongho #jongho #jongho angst #firefighter au #oneshot #ashotofeuphoria #fanfiction #ateez jongho #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez yunho #ateez jongho x reader #jongho x reader #kpop imagines #kpop fan fiction #ateez au

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Californian Dream (Pt. 07 of 11)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 2.6 K

Summary: Being part of one of the richest families of California doesn't mean you're happy. Your life is boring, and you're surrounded by meaningless people and their meaningless talk. Even during Summer, with the break you have from college, there's nothing good going on. Nothing but the new pool guy, Billy, the most handsome man you ever saw. You were successfully avoiding him, not wanting to act like an idiot in front of the guy until Billy accepts to be your date for a fancy gala you're forced to attend. The night was going well, even better when he sneaked you out to go to the beach. But a gang of criminals breaks into the party, kidnapping the heirs to the wealthiest families, which includes you. So, for your safety, your parents want you to stay with Billy, living in his apartment until the criminals are caught. And that could take weeks, maybe even months.

Warnings: Light violence

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×

Broken

“Listen, listen...” Cupping your cheeks and drying off some tears, he looks into your eyes. “I'm all sweaty and disgusting. Let me shower and then we'll talk, alright?”

Forcing yourself to nod, you look down, suddenly ashamed of how you were clinging onto to him. “Alright.”

“Ok.” He hesitates a little before heading to the bathroom.

With both hands on your head, you pace around the living room, the image of Alice's hands burning through your mind. Why did they do that? Was it some kind of punishment for her trying to run? Or were they sending a message? Or are they just that cruel? What will happen to the others? To the last one, if the police don't find them and if the private investigators fail?

Turning the damn TV off, you messily wipe the tears away, going to the bedroom, sitting on the bed and waiting for Billy to come out. You just want him. You feel safe with him, and if this makes things weird after, you'll apologize.

This time, when the door opens, you manage to hold back, pushing back the urge to jump into his arms again. Billy looks sad, only breaking eye contact to put his shirt on. “Come here.” And that's all it takes for you to run into his embrace again, more tears taking the place of the ones you dried off, then fighting for more space. “I'm sorry.”

You can't say anything. There are no words to be said now. So you just cry, arms around his midsection as you let your heart out. It's a mix of fear and desperation. It could've been you if Billy wasn't there to sneak you out. You wish you could see Alice, but at the same time, you don't want to. Seeing her hands on the TV was bad enough. You can't even start to think about the trauma she went through. This whole thing can't be happening, it feels like a nightmare.

“Come. Lie down to rest a little.” Billy guides you to the bed, and you only move because of him. You barely feel your legs. When you lie down, and he moves to stand up, you hold his arm.

It's not the time to blush or feel nervous. Or to think about what it means. You want him, you need him here. With you. “Stay, please.” Begging, you move aside when he nods. Billy lies down on his back, facing the ceiling. You hold his arm, just so you're touching him somehow, but it's not enough. The tears keep coming, your mind keeps imagining what else those people, your friends, the people who you grew up with, are suffering right now. “B-Billy...” Your voice cracks, and you squeeze his bicep a little.

“What, princess?”

“I'm sorry...” You whisper, already moving closer to him.

Billy's eyes meet yours, a worried and confused expression on his face. “What for?”

You don't say anything, you just move closer to him, laying your head on his chest. A breath escapes your lips when you feel his arms around you, grounding, protecting you. Now more than ever, you understand what Billy did for you when he sneaked you out of the gala. It could've been you with chopped fingers, or going through something much worse.

“You make me feel safe.” You mutter, eyes closed shut. His heartbeat is calming, and slowly, your breathing starts to slow down until it's steady again. Billy has a hand around your waist and the other comes to caress your cheek every once in a while. But the most important thing is that he doesn't let go.

You're not sure how long you stay there, but the only thing keeping you from falling asleep is the pain in your stomach. You're hungry, and that's the only thing that makes you move, sitting up straight. Moving the hair away from your face, you look down at Billy. “I'm sorry for... Doing this, but I just needed to... I needed you.”

“It's alright.” He sits up too, a hand softly rubbing your arm. “Are you feeling better?”

“Not really.” You mutter, running a hand through your hair. “But I'll make us something to eat. We're both hungry and it'll distract me.”

“We can do it together, what do you think?” He asks as he stands up, offering you his hand. You take it, letting him guide you to the kitchen.

Billy keeps the small talk as you cook and then eat, even succeeding to take a few laughs from you. When you're done with the dishes, you go back to the kitchen table to share an ice cream you bought yesterday. Seated side by side, you have a little fight every time you happen to move to get some ice cream at the same time, slapping each other's hand with the spoon.

“Do you wanna talk about...” Billy speaks low, careful. But it's ok. You'll have to talk about it eventually.

“They cut off three fingers from her right hand and the index finger from the left.” Your voice is weak, and you look down at your empty spoon. “They showed it... I mean, it was covered by white bandages but... It was obvious, and there was some blood on it and I just can't understand why they'd do something like that.”

“They don't need a reason.” Billy caresses your cheek, his finger running through the line of your jaw. “I know you feel awful but I can't help but feel relieved that's not you.” His stare is intense but kind. “Even before, I'd hate to see you in her place.”

“Even before?”

“Before I knew you better. Now... It would kill me if anything happened to you.”

“I don't think I wanna go back home.” It comes out suddenly, without considering what it truly means. But it's the truth. The truth comes to a lot easier to you now that you're not constantly trying to hide what you think or feel. “I know it's mean to think about myself now but I don't think I can go back. I can't keep doing that. I can't waste the summer with those stupid events, and I can't go back into studying law, I can't...” You stand up, pacing around with both hands in your head. “I can't keep pretending those people are my friends and I can't keep pretending that person is who I am.”

“What is your plan, then?”

This makes you turn around to look at Billy again. He hasn't moved, the ice cream long was forgotten and his attention on you. “Won't you even try to make me change my mind?”

“No.” He stands up, coming closer until you're face to face with him. Billy seems sad, a deep breath leaving his chest. ”We are responsible for our happiness. That's why I left Hawkins and if you want to leave California–”

“It's not about California.” Cutting him short, you sigh. “I love California. I just want... This.” You gesture at the apartment. “Having a place that I like, that doesn't fit a hundred people. Studying something that I care about, going to the places I wanna go, making real friends.” Since Billy started taking you to some parties, you've been growing close to Stacy, Anne, and Jimmy, Billy's friends who are now becoming your friends too. You feel more comfortable with them than you ever felt with the people you grew up with.

“Well, you don't have to think about it now. When you have to make a decision, you'll know what to do.”

“Yeah... I think I will.” You should look away, but his eyes... You feel like you could sink, and drown, and die. Slowly, you stand on your toes, trying to feel if Billy will step back. You don't even know what you're doing, it's almost involuntary, you're just chasing his lips.

But instead of moving away, he meets you halfway bending down a little to connect his lips to yours. Your arms quickly embrace his neck and you end the final distance between your bodies. You don't wanna think too much. Whenever you kiss Billy, you don't wanna think about anything. You just wanna feel. And right now, more than ever, you need him, this close, the taste of his lips so addictive, making you a little mad when you need to pull away to breathe. But you don't move away, you stay there, foreheads touching. With your eyes tightly shut, you caress his cheek, fingers tracing his jawline.

He's just about to say something when the phone starts ringing, and very reluctantly, you step back, gesturing for him to answer it. When he turns his back at you, you immediately touch your lips, smiling a little. As stupid, as insane as it is, Billy is the only guy you want to kiss. He's the only one you'd ever want to kiss. “What's up?” He says. “No, I can't go today... Because I have something more important to do here. I'll go on Friday. Bye.”

You're just about to ask him what was that about when you remember he was supposed to go to the gym today. “Hey, you can go. I'll be alright.” No, you won't. But still, you don't want him to stay if he wants to be somewhere else.

“Completely out of question.” He walks to you again, reaching out his hand. “Come. Let's watch some nice movies or something.”

And so it happens. There's this random movie going on, and you try to focus on it the best you can. On the couch, Billy holds you all the time, and it doesn't take much until your head is on his shoulder. But the happenings of the day got the best of you, and soon enough you feel yourself tired, eyelids heavy with sleep, falling close.

When you open your eyes again, you're in bed, with the morning light piercing through the light fabric of the curtains. You have the blankets all around you, and for some reason, when you get up, you feel cold. Maybe it's the air-conditioning, but Billy likes this temperature, and you haven't had a problem with it until now. So you just decide to put on a cardigan instead.

It's a war against yourself not to watch the news. You want to know how's Alice, but you don't want to see another take of her mutilated hand. Or hear what the reporters are saying about it. So you basically pace around the house, doing nothing, but trying to keep busy. For some reason, you're terribly tired, exhausted even, struggling to focus on this afternoon talk show instead of changing the channel.

The gang probably already let out the next rescue. Will it be the same? No, it's probably more. Who will be the next one they'll release? How many fingers will they still have left? Will they have both arms? Or all of their teeth? The thoughts won't leave you alone, and the talk show sucks, so you stand up, moving to the window and setting your eyes on the ocean out there, the horizon on a light shade of blue as the sun sets.

The noise of the door opening makes you look over your shoulder. A wave of relief washes over you when you see Billy, and you're just about to run to him when he mutters a harsh ‘hello’, moving straight to his room. Stopping in your tracks, you try to process it. Turning the damn TV off, you brace yourself as you go back to the couch, waiting for him to come back. But it takes longer than normal, and when you finally hear the bedroom door opening, your eyes follow him when he moves to the kitchen space. And that's when you notice you're starving.

Pushing yourself up, pulling the heavier coat you have on now even closer to your body, you walk over to the table. “Billy, can you make something to eat, I'm really–”

“You've been in here all day and you couldn't even cook something?” He suddenly snaps, both hands on the sink and his back turned at you. The roughness of his voice gets you by surprise, startling you.

“I–”

“I have been out all day, working my damn ass off, and now I have to come home and make dinner too? Don't you think I might be exhausted?” Without looking at you, he opens the fridge, looking for something, but after a few seconds, he violently pushes the door shut.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Bursting out, you try not to let the tears roll down. You're overwhelmed right now, and the last thing you need is Billy freaking out for whatever reasons.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” He finally turns to face you, slamming his hands on the table. “You have no idea what it is to deal with your kind. I clean your pools, I fix and wash your fancy cars, I change the lamps from your chandeliers, and I'm not even treated nicely. I'm the staff, the working class, a freaking nobody who's only useful to put together broken things, and then I can be kicked out.”

“My kind?” Raising your voice, a humorless laugh escapes your lips. “Haven't you said something about me being the only owner who ever offered some help?”

The laughter that escapes his lips surprises you. It's mean and cruel, so unlike everything you have seen of Billy. “And how exactly would you help me? Raking leaves?”

“Yeah, I–”

“When you're skimming the pools, it's cute. You're a good soul helping the unfortunate. When I'm skimming the pools, I'm the unfortunate, who couldn't find a better job other than serving the upper class.” He's yelling, his eyes full of anger. This isn't Billy. Something happened, but right now, you don't care. You don't think it's fair to throw it on you, but maybe he's right. Maybe coming here was a mistake. “And that's exactly what I'm doing here, in my own house. Or have you forgotten what your dad said, huh? That I'll be paid after those assholes are caught so I gotta make sure all your needs are attended? So yes, I guess I'll make you something to eat. I wouldn't dream of letting you do it yourself, ma'am.”

“This good soul will be leaving your apartment tomorrow morning.” You mutter, turning on your heels and heading to the bedroom. It's his turn with the bed, but you don't care. If that's how Billy sees you, this is who you'll be. The mean, rich kid you were raised to be. You push the door closed so violently that the loud bang startles you, a hand coming to your heart. Locking yourself inside, you climb into the bed, hiding your face in the pillow.

After all this time, you can't believe that's what Billy thinks of you. After opening your heart to him, saying things you haven't even admitted to yourself before, he still sees you as one of those people. Maybe this was a huge mistake. Maybe letting Billy get so close was a mistake. Maybe kissing him... That was the worst part. You never thought you'd want that with anyone, but he came and lit up this spark in you. Now, it's over, and you're heart is broken. Tomorrow you'll either find a place or just check if Anne or Stacy can let you crash at their place for a while. But you can't stay here. Whatever you thought you and Billy could become... It's over.

×

@multific @dontxfearxthereaper @nope-thanks @nikkixostan @shinydixon @clockworkballerina @infinitelycharmed23 @lilred91

#imagine billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove imagine #billy stranger things #billy stranger things imagine #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction

[rocksandrobots]

Of Rocks and Robots Ch. 20 - Therapy

Varian sat on the leather couch inside the doctor’s office nervously bouncing his knee up and down. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to run, but he knew that would upset Aunt Cass who was seated on the chair next to the door.

This was meant to be his first therapy session and he didn’t know what to expect, or to say, or what to do. Both Hiro and Wasabi had told him that all he had to do was talk to the doctor about his problems, but Varian didn’t really feel like talking. He didn’t feel like delving into his past and reliving those painful memories. Moreover, he didn’t want anyone in this world to know of his mistakes, even if they were just a stranger.

Just then the door opened and a tall woman with short bobbed hair and glasses walked in. She wore a white lab coat and held in her hand a clipboard and pen.

“Hello, Miss Templeton. Are we here to see Hiro today?” The woman asked Aunt Cass.

“Oh hi, Dr. Mcguire.” Aunt Cass stood up to shake her hand. “No, I called earlier and told the secretary this, but I’d like you to meet Varian. Varian this is Dr. Mcguire. She’s our family therapist.”The woman smiled and shook his hand as well, as Aunt Cass contunited. “Varian is from Europe and I’m fostering him while he’s here in the states.”  

“Oh exciting!” The woman enthused. “Is this your first therapy session, Varian?”

Varian nodded his head numbly, still too unsure of himself to speak.

“Well there’s many different types of therapy. I’m a grief counselor. I use different techniques to help people deal with loss or trauma, such as, listening to people talk about their feelings and problems, helping people develop healthy coping mechanisms for anxiety or depression, helping people pinpoint or understand where their underlying issues are and what might cause them to react the way they do to certain situations, and basically anything else that helps the patient cope with their grief.”

Varian listened to the woman intently but none of what she said made any sense to him. He knew what all those words individually meant on their own but all together it just sounded like a word salad to him. He had no idea what any of that actually entailed in practice.

"Well, now Varian, tell me a little about yourself?" The doctor asked as she sat at her desk.

Varian only stared blankly at her, unsure what she wanted to hear.

Dr. Mcguire expounded "Do you have any interests or hobbies?"

Varian looked back to Aunt Cass questionly and she gave him an encouraging smile and a go on motion with her hands.

"Ummm...I like alchemy."

"Alchemy? Like the history of it, or is that some new video game I haven't heard of yet?" Dr. Mcguire gently laughed at herself. "My kids are always trying to get me into the lastest gaming craze and I can never seem to get the hang of it."

Varian once again could only stare. He'd played a few video games with Hiro and Fred, but he had no idea what was deemed popular or not. Nor did he know how to explain to this woman that he was a practitioner of a long dead science.

When this didn't elect a response from him the doctor tried a new line of questioning.

"Do you have a favorite video game?"

Varian shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't played many of them. We didn't have video games back in Old Corona."

"That's the city he came from." Aunt Cass explained. "Varian is from a Russia territory."

"Oh. Well, what did you play in Old Corona?" Dr. Mcguire asked.

"Not much." Varian racked his brain for a childhood game, but there had been no other kids to play with and his dad was not much for chess.

"My cellmate and I would play 'Noughts and Crosses' to pass the time. It's a little like Gomoku, but you try to get three in a row instead of five, and you just draw an X or O on to a grid you drew in the sand instead of having a board and colored pieces.'

"Oh we call that tic-tac-toe here." Aunt Cass cheerfully said, not immediately picking up on his mention of being in jail.

The doctor however did notice. "Cellmate?" She asked with concern.

Varian clamped his mouth shut at that. He didn't want to go into why he had been in prison, certainly not with Aunt Cass there.

Sensing the Varian's discomfort and seeing Dr. Mcguire's confusion, Aunt Cass spoke up. "I'm guessing the secretary didn't give you the forms we filled out?"

"No, I'm afraid not. I saw your name on the appointment and just assumed it was time again for Hiro's session. I'm sorry, that was unprofessional of me to assume and not come prepared. Would you like to reschedule?"

Aunt Cass looked to Varian. "It's up to you, sweetie."

Varian really didn't want to go through all this again. "No. I'm good."

"Well do you feel like talking about what's wrong then?" Asked Mcguire.

Varian tightened his jaw, unsure how to say no to the woman. But Dr. Mcguire knew her business and understood what Varian meant even without words.

"It's ok." She soothed. "You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. We're not here to make you feel uncomfortable. Therapy is supposed to help, not hurt."

This relaxed Varian a little, but only a little. He didn't know what either adult wanted from him then.

"Varian, would it help if I left?" Aunt Cass offered. "Or would you prefer that I stay? Either one is fine. It's your choice."

Varian looked back and forth between both women trying to decide. He honestly didn't know which would be more stressful; dealing with the doctor alone or risking slipping up again and having Aunt Cass find out about his past crimes.

"I...maybe?" He eventually answered.

"Alright then. I'll be just right outside the door if you need me." She stood up, walked over to Varian, gave him a peck on the forehead and an encouraging smile before closing the door and leaving.

Varian had to admit, he could breath more easily now that she'd left the room.

"Well," Dr. Mcguire spoke back up, "if you rather not talk about your issues right now, would you like to write about them instead?"

Varian gave her a confused look and in response she dug into a drawer in her desk and pulled out a notebook.

"Sometimes people find it easier to write about things than to talk about them. I often give my patiences journals, so that they can get out their feelings about stuff, make goals and plans, or to help keep track of their triggers and their responses."

She handed the notebook to Varian. It was thin and curiously printed on the front were images of lizards with hats and sunglasses riding upon skateboards. Varian might have thought it absurd looking but he was distracted by something that the doctor had said.

"Triggers?" He asked.

"A 'trigger' is anything that might make someone remember their trauma. It can be anything from a familiar sound or object, to an action or situation that is similar to an event that the person went through. When someone who's been through trauma comes across one of their triggers they might experience a panic attack, flashbacks, get angry or upset, or even completely shut down so to speak."

Varian studied the woman thoughtfully. Wasabi had described what a panic attack felt like and it sounded eerily similar to what he had felt when he ran away that day. The way he felt after having a nightmare. The way he'd felt when he had come home to find his dad unmoving in the amber.

“Do..do nightmares count?” He asked hesitantly.

“Well, yes, in a way. Nightmares are often associated with PTSD. They are a way for your mind to process what has happened to you. But they can also be caused by other things, like stress, anxiety, or just a lack of sleep. You’d have to dream about something multiple times and analyze those dreams in order to figure out their cause.”

She paused and studied Varian intently before continuing. "Some people write dream diaries to track the patterns of what they dream and when. You write what you've dreamed, good or bad, when you wake up. You also may write things like what time you went to bed, how long did you sleep, or what you may have eaten that day as those can affect how well you sleep."

"You could use your journal for that." She gently suggested.

"Then...then I show it to you?" He asked in kind.

"If you want to. Though, once again, you don't have to do anything that you don't want to."

"But, if I did, would it help?" Varian pressed, "Would it get rid of them?"

"It might help." The woman said measuredly. "Though it might not. Or you may need to do that along with a combination of things. The only way to find out is to try it."

Dr. Mcguire gave him a soft smile and Varian turned her words over in his mind. He would love for the nightmares to stop. They had only become more frequent since he moved in with the Hamada's. As if deep down he feared this new change in his life would become permanent and his subconscious was warning him to return home before it was too late. But, even still, while the doctor was right about not knowing till you tried, he worried over his past and what she or others might think of him once known. Then again, no reason to take a dream literally, right?

"I've..I...I've been having nightmares lately." He finally admitted. Dr. Mcguire only nodded along. She most likely had already guessed as much, but she didn't interrupt.

"They're always different. Like they're about different things. Sometimes they're about my home or my dad, sometimes about my friends, both old and new, and sometimes about, ummm, being in jail." He muttered this last part but then quickly contunited on, "They all end the same way though. With me being alone."

He met the doctor's eyes questioningly, wondering how she might respond. She looked to be contemplating over what he'd just confessed.

"Hmmm…Well dreams are rarely the same each time. It's usually just the repeated elements that we look for when analyzing. That's how the journal would help. But it looks like you figured out one of those elements on your own. Does being alone scare you?"

Varian looked at her wide eyed. He didn't know how to feel about having one of his greatest fears pointed out to him. It was true of course, but he didn't like to admit it.

"A, little." He admitted sheepishly.

"A lot of people fear being alone. We're social creatures. Humans need other humans and so we seek out relationships. It's nothing to be embarrassed about." Mcguire tried to ease his fear.

"Were you on your own in jail? Did you feel alone there?" She pressed.

"No, well sometimes, but like I said I at least had a cellmate. That's better than when I was completely on my own before then."

Dr. Mcguire face grew more concerned but she didn't pursue anything else about his time alone. Instead she asked, "Were you friends with your cellmate?"

"No." Varian scoffed, complaining about Andrew was easier than talking about his time spent on the run. "Dude was a creep."

"Oh, did you fight with him often?"

"Not usually. In fact we got along fine, but that's only because he'd pretend to be nice to get what he wanted. I always knew that's what he was doing, but I, guess I just went along with it because….because it was better than not talking to anybody at all."

Dr. Mcguire furrowed her brow, "What did he want from you then?"

Varian wiggled in his seat at that. He didn't want to go into the prison break and what followed thereafter. "Just….stuff."

This did not ease the doctor's fear. "How old were you when you went to jail?"

"I had just turned fifteen." He didn't know where this was going.

"And your cellmate was what, also fifteen, sixteen?" She guessed.

"Oh no. Corona doesn't have, what did the policeman call it, 'juvenile detention center.' Anyways, uh, I'm not sure what age Andrew was. He never said, but I would guess, like, late twenties?" Varian shrugged but he only became even more confused when he noted the look of horror on Dr Mcguire's face.

"And where were the guards when he was making you do… stuff?" She tried to hide it but Varian could still hear the way her voice shook.

"Ummm...well the guards make their rounds of the cells every ten minutes and stand guard at the door between then. Or they're supposed to, anyways. Sometimes they're late or they're switching shifts, or even sometimes asleep." He broke from his matter of fact statement with a little laugh. "I once saw Pete the guard fall asleep while standing up and Stan, the other guard, had to prop him up with his spear to keep the Captain from noticing." He whispered conspiratorially as if imparting some juicy bit of gossip.

But the doctor wasn't amused.

"It would appear that your home country has a very different legal system than ours." She stated as if trying to find a way to navigate Varian's revelations.

"I'll say." He snorted. Complaining about the conditions of the dungeon itself didn't bother him as much as admitting how he'd got there. He supposed it was because everyone suffered the same indignity as he did while there. So he didn't feel singled out.

"I saw what those cells down at the police station here looked like last week. Let me tell you. They were pristine." He began to number the differences on his fingers." Clean, not drafty, there were toilets, electric lights. I was on the bottom floor of the dungeon and all we had was a grate on the ceiling that let the tiniest bit of light and air in from the cell above us. Of course that wasn't much cause that cell only had a small window to begin with."

The doctor interrupted his ramble. "But what about when you were aloud outside?"

"Outside?" He echoed in confusion. "We never went outside. Who'd let criminals out of their cells willingly?"

Dr. Mcguire darted her eyes back and forth as if equally flabbergasted. "But, but what about for exercise!? Showers!? Mealtimes!?"

Varian looked at her unsure how to answer, now only realising just how vastly different the two realities really were.

"We ate in the cells." He said flatly in lieu of anything else. "Is the food better here too?"

"I don't know? What did they serve you?"

"Usually gruel, or bread and water. Sometimes we'd get scraps from the castle's kitchen. Like leftover bone broth before it went bad. I guess not to starve us completely."

"Castle?" She echoed hollowly.

"The jail is underneath the government's palace." He explained.

"And is that the only prison? Wouldn't that get over full?"

"Yeah, it does. That's why they only keep people there until they ship them off on the prison barge or…. til they hang them." He quietly admitted.

This seemed to be the last straw for the doctor.

She took a deep, shuddering breath and tried to compose herself.

"Well, that..uh..we seem to be reaching near the end of our session. How about we bring Miss. Templeton back in?" She flashed him a strained grin, but Varian knew she was rattled and he feared he'd said too much or had done the wrong thing.

"You mean Aunt Cass?" He asked.

"Yes. So you call her 'aunt' too?" He nodded. " Well let's get your aunt in here and we'll talk about how best to continue your therapy."

Dr. Mcguire walked out and Varian could hear her and Aunt Cass having a hushed and hurried conversion. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but he knew it was about him. Soon after, they both reentered the room and Aunt Cass took a seat next to him on the couch.

Dr. Mcguire sat at her desk again and proceeded to make an announcement.

"So Varian and I have talked a little and he's decided that he's going to keep a dream diary, which he can share with me during our next few sessions if he would like. However, I feel that Varian might benefit from seeing a specialist."

Varian heart dropped. He was being turned away? He'd somehow managed to screw up his first therapy session so bad the doctor was pawning him off to someone else.

"But, aren't you a specialist?" Aunt Cass asked, equally confused.

"Yes, but I deal with post trauma, sudden events, like a car accident or the recent death of a family member. After talking to Varian, it appears he's been through prolonged trauma. It'll take a few more sessions to confirm this but, he may have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's related to regular PTSD, there is some overlap in symptoms, but ultimately it requires different treatment."

Varian's stomach began to churn and he felt his heartbeat quicken. All he heard, behind the doctor's unfamiliar terminology, was that he was somehow, wrong or broken, more so than even the troubled patients she normally worked with. He wanted to cry, but instead he blinked back tears as Dr. Mcguire contunited.

"I have the name of a psychiatrist that I can recommend. I've worked with him before alongside other patients."

She handed a business card to Aunt Cass who leaned forward to take from her. As she read it the doctor went on.

"Dr. Brown deals with former soldiers, war refugees, abuse victims, and others who've had to endure extremely harsh conditions. He's better experienced in such cases and as a psychiatrist he can also prescribe any medicine that Varian might need."

"Medicine!?" Varian exploded and both women looked at him with concern. "But, but I'm not sick." He whined in protest.

Dr. Mcguire stood up and walked over to him. She knelt down to his level and looked him in the eye.

"I don't know if you are or aren't, diagnoses of mental illnesses take time, but you might still need prescribed medication even if you don't have an illness. You mentioned not sleeping well, something as simple as a herbal tea with added melatonin could help with that. However as a psychologist, and not a psychiatrist, I can legally write you a prescription for that, nor should I."

Varian darted his eyes about the room in confusion. Logically what the woman said made sense, he supposed, but that didn't stop his anxiety from raising. He felt cornered. He wanted to run again, but the gentle hand of Aunt Cass upon his shoulder rooted him to the couch.

"Look, you're still welcome to come see me." Dr. Mcguire reassured him. "I'll gladly help you in any way that I can. I just think Dr. Brown could do even more to help you."

"We just want what's best for you." Aunt Cass interjected. "Thank you, Dr. Mcguire. I'll give this Dr. Brown a call today when we get home."

And that was the end of it. They said their goodbyes and left.

On the whole way home, Varian sulked in the passenger seat as he stared dispondingly out the window. He could feel Aunt Cass nervously stealing glances of him, probably afraid he may jump out of the car again and try to run away.

She attempted to say something a few times, but thought better of it and kept quiet. The uncomfortable silence weighing upon them both until they arrived back at the Luck Cat.

Varian tore out of the car, pounded up the stairs, and was just about to run towards his new room, when he heard Aunt Cass say. "We need to talk."

Varian found himself sitting on a couch for the second time that day. This one in Hamada living room. He eyed Aunt Cass pensively and waited for yet another lecture.

"Sooo, I know that didn't go as well as we hoped today, but hey, we made some progress!" She gave him a plastered grin as she tried to find the silver lining. Varian only gave her a look as if she was crazy and rolled his eyes.

She heaved a heavy sigh.

"Varian, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Lots of people see special psychiatrists. That's what they're for. They wouldn't exist if people didn't need them."

Varian still refused to meet her gaze.

"Also, not everyone finds the right therapist on their first try. It took me a whole year and three different doctors before I found Dr. Mcguire."

Varian did look at her upon that revelation, this time with surprise on his face.

Aunt Cass gave him a small smile.

"Did you think you were the only one who needed therapy?" She gently teased, before admitting, "I was only 24 when I took in Tadashi and Hiro. I didn't know how to be a parent. I didn't know how to handle two grieving little boys nor the emotional roller coaster I was on as well. I had to get help. I had to try out different doctors, different types of therapy, even took medication for a little while, and it took time but in the end it did make things better for all of us. I just want you to get better as well."

Varian processed this confession as he wrestled with his growing sense of shame and despair.

"But...but…you never did anything to deserve that. It was just a bad thing that happened to you.. I… I on the other hand…I wasn't in that jail for no reason." He confessed before bursting into tears.

"I don't care." Aunt Cass quietly said.

Varian looked back in surprise again. She stood before him with worry etched onto her face.

"I don't care what you did." She reiterated. "It doesn't matter."

She bent down and cupped Varian's face into her hand, just as she did when he returned after running away.

"Varian, no one deserves to be treated the way you were. Especially a child. That..that was just cruel." Her voice broke. "Cruel, and inhumane, and oh god, what ever did they do to you to make you think you deserved it?" It was her turn to cry as she scooped Varian into a hug.

Varian blinked rapidly, both because of the tears and because he hadn't been expecting this reaction. He knew he was at fault. Everyone in the kingdom knew it. They all blamed him for what happened and threw nothing but scorn his way. The only reason that Aunt Cass and everyone else didn't hate him too was because they didn't know, surely. But the sincerity in her voice, the tender loving embrace, the way she put up with him and his stupid mistakes around the house, all made him desperate to believe her. So he hugged her tightly back.

"But.. But.. I'm not 'no one'" The tears flowed freely now. "I'm...I'm…I'm not like anyone. The doctor said so herself, today."

"No!" She pulled away from the embrace to look him dead in the eye. "No. She said you needed help that she couldn't give. Dr. Brown, though, can. He deals with people who've been through what you've been through. You're not alone. You're not broken. You're not weird. And you are most certainly not deserving of being thrown in a dungeon."

She wiped her fingers through his bangs, a sign of affection he'd come to recognize from her, and blinking back tears said, "Oh how I wish I could have been there for you sooner. But I'm here now. And so is Hiro, all your friends, Chief Cruz, Professor Granville, and Dr. Mcguire. Ok? We are all here for you now, and we love you, and nothing is going to change that. And now Dr. Brown will be there for you too. So please, let us help you."

Varian searched her eyes. These were words he had longed to hear for who knew how long, but when faced with them for real he had trouble giving into them; to believing them. The nagging voice in his head was screaming at him, warning him that it wasn't true, that they would all abandon his as soon as he screwed up or they found out the truth of his past, the same as how everyone else had given up on him, told him how he didn't deserve such kindness, ect.,but he didn't care. He wanted it to be true.

He nodded yes and flung his arms around Aunt Cass again. They remained that way, just holding each other for several minutes. While Aunt Cass stroked his hair and cooed reassuring words. How she loved him, how she wasn't going anywhere, how he was her child now and nothing would change that. He wasn't sure if he was ready to accept her as a parent yet, to him his dad was the only parent he needed, but he deeply appreciated all that she had done, all that she promised to do, and it felt good to finally be accepted somewhere, to be wanted .

When they finally stopped hugging Aunt Cass said she was going to call Dr. Brown and set up an appointment. She then stroked the top of his head again and asked if he wanted to help her bake something special for dinner. He nodded yes and they both put the unfortunate incident at the therapist behind them.

#Varian #Tangled #BH6 #aunt cass #cass hamada #big hero six #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #BH6 the series