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#also maybe a little bit (Narrator: a lot) of procrastination to get back to my wip fic. but shhhhhh... nobody needs to know

krikeymate · 1 year

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Yess! Thank you for the delicious angst. I feel like we need so,e Tara hurt and comfort after the attack with Sam panicking holding Tara’s hand in the back of the ambulance, the video of the attack going viral. Core four at the hospital. Kirby adapting into her angry protective form and tracking down the assholes who did this, Gale going out her way to cover up the video of tara getting hurt, protecting Tara and Sam and preventing her traumatic moment constantly in her face.

Part 1.

They take Tara away. Sam begs them not to, but the police officer holds her back. It makes her panic, she begins to struggle in his grip, and one of the paramedics makes him let go. She still won't let her see her sister, standing in Sam's way and putting her hands on her shoulders. She tells her to calm down and to breathe, but how can she breathe if she doesn't know if Tara is alright?

Sam doesn't calm down, and the paramedic shares a nod with the officer, then there's a hand on her back and a prick on her arm, and then things begin to feel a little blurry. She sags forward, legs unstable, and the officer hurries forward to grab her under her arms.

"It's going to be alright ma'am," he reassures her, "your sister is in good hands." He sounds young, naive, like the world hasn't broken him yet. "I'm sorry about all this, but we just need you to calm down. You were getting in the paramedics' way. I'm gonna sit you down in the back of my car here, and we'll wait for you to calm down a bit, and then we'll take your statement, yeah? Then I'll take you straight up to see your sister, how's that sound?"

"Fuck you," Sam mutters, scowling. The officer doesn't take it to heart, giving a cheery "alrighty then," and helping her to the backseat of the squad car.

They didn't get what they wanted. There was no confession, they didn't even have a chance to fight back and make themselves look bad. It was pathetic really, maybe they shouldn't have gone in so hard. They should have thought about it really. The footage just makes them out to be the aggressors, the bad guys, harassing and attacking two girls. This won't get them what they want. Some of his brothers and sisters are already expressing doubts. They're weak-willed, convinced by a few fake tears. He'll need to remind them of what they've done.

They thought they could get a confession from the little sister, but it's clear she's been brainwashed, she'll never say a word against her sister. Or maybe she's scared, maybe the others are right, maybe all they need to do is get her away from her. Then the truth can be revealed.

Someone leaks the footage, too disturbed by what they saw. This wasn't what they signed up for.

Gale's just settled down for a long night of editing when the video crosses her feed (she wasn't procrastinating... just, taking a break). Her phone is in her hands within seconds of it starting, ringing and ringing and going straight to voicemail. She can't get hold of either of the girls. The twins it is.

They say they're on their way to the hospital, they don't know what happened, just that Sam called them from the back of a police car, asked them to meet her there.

Gale tells her that she'll join them. She calls Kirby on the way.

Sam doesn't explain anything to the crowd of her family, leaving an overwhelmed police offer behind. He'd only wanted to check on the girl, to make sure she was ok. He was new to the job, fresh out of the academy when things went down a month ago. It stuck with him. Now Detective Reed is grilling him. She's more than a foot shorter, and so much more terrifying than anyone he's come across.

While Sam's been stuck narrating the events for a statement, Tara's been in surgery. She had internal bleeding, the doctor tells her, but that it's all been fixed and she'll be right as rain. Oh, and also she has a grade 3 concussion. She'll probably be confused, he says. She may even have some memory loss, he says. He says a lot of things, but Sam can't focus on any of it, too busy taking in the sight of her baby sister, battered and bruised on the hospital bed, through the window.

He finally stops talking and Sam gets to enter the dark room. The blinds are drawn, and she's careful to shut the door quietly, despite her urgent need to be at her side.

"Hey," Sam whispers, pulling up a chair and perching on the edge. She takes Tara's hand, watches as her head flops on the pillow towards her.

"Sammy," she murmurs, smiling tiredly at her. "Missed you."

"I missed you too, sweetheart," Sam replies, her heart breaking in two. She lifts her free hand to Tara's face, to stroke along her cheek, and push her hair behind her ear, desperate to provide any small pieces of comfort she can. "How are you feeling?" It feels like a stupid question.

"Mmm ok," she mumbles, "sore. Better now that you're here."

"I am here, I'm sorry it took so long babygirl, I wanted to be here."

"I know."

Tara's eyes are beginning to droop, her blinks becoming longer. "You can sleep sweetheart, I'll be right here, no one is going to get to you, I promise."

"I know."

#/mp #ask box #Scream #Sam Carpenter #Tara Carpenter #my writing tag #topic: medical #-hospitals #-after 6 #don't @ me about legality and logistics of dr*gging someone idk their laws #i think i've accidentally made a cult storyline lmao #i didn't quite meet what you asked for. sorry!

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naminethewitch · 3 years

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Animaniacs: My thoughts

According to this post, it seems that at least one person (hi @pink-aquaqualle) is interested in my ramblings, here are my thoughts on Animaniacs, both the original and the reboot.

But first I feel like I need to explain that I did not grow up watching - what I understand are - ‘classic 90s cartoons’. I was born in 1997, so by the time I consciously watched TV and cartoons, that era was over. Plus, and I don’t know if that’s related, I’m not a big fan of slapstick comedy. I remember watching Tom and Jerry every once in a while but it wasn’t something I would be actively trying to seek out (like looking up it’s runtime and such, you know what I mean). It’s a personal preference�� ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Now back to the actual topic: Animaniacs.

I had not seen the show before. I’ve heard of the series before the reboot, only tidbits and some scenes (Yakko’s World, for example). Same with Pinky and the Brain. I did not know they came from one and the same show. So when I saw the trailer for the reboot, I thought: Oh cool, they’re rebooting both those shows? Maybe I should watch it and see if I like it and if I do, check out the originals.

So when I had some time this week (*cough* procrastinated *cough*), I sat down to watch the reboot. And wow, did I not expect the format. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the show. Yakko, Wakko and Dot are great characters, they’re funny, self aware and I love their dynamic. Pinky and the Brain however, I didn’t like as much, mainly because it felt like their segment got more screentime than the actual Warner siblings.

But regardless, I enjoyed the show very much. The siblings energy was great, the social commentary was on point and the songs are bobs. Still I knew I was missing quite a few references (e.g. the whole ending to the Chicken Boo sketch) and I got curious about the original series. Then I found out it was only 99 episodes and thought: Why not?

And I must say: I’m glad they made some changes.

First off: I still liked the Warners. At their core they’re still the same (energetic, witty and lovable) but I’m glad they changed a few habits, mainly the whole ‘Hello Nurse’ thing (I get why it’s a catchphrase but they’re kids, c’mon) and the repeated non-consensual kissing (again, they’re kids! They shouldn’t kiss anybody on the mouth!). I’m glad that they get along most of the time but are also shown to fight sometimes, like how siblings actually are.

Second: I appreciate Pinky and the Brain way more now, mainly because I didn’t like most of the other supporting cast.

As I already mentioned, I’m not a big fan of slapstick, at least not in a prolonged format. I don’t mind it as much as a short joke or if the one on the receiving end is an asshole but it made it hard to enjoy segments about Slappy Squirrel for example. I ended up skipping most of the sketches focused on side characters and here’s why:

Slappy Squirrel: Already said it, too much slapstick, it’s basically all she does most of the time. Plus I just didn’t like her as a character much either.

The Goodfeathers: Clichee mafia parody with bad accents, annoying narration and Pesto’s anger issues were stupid, in my opinion.

Rita and Runt: One of the better ones, let them run most of the time because of the songs and because Runt is a sweetheart.

Buttons and Mindy: Again, basically only slapstick and Buttons doesn’t deserve any of it. He’s such a good dog and isn’t even rewarded for his trouble (except for in the movie). Always skipped it.

Katie Ka-Boom: Oh, Teenage girls in puberty are angry all the time without good reason! Isn’t that funny??? Clichee jokes and unnecessary violence, didn’t watch it once.

Chicken Boo: Honestly I didn’t disliked him as much as the fans seem to do (according to the reboot sketch). His segments were at least short and I like his jingle.

Hip Hippos: Annoying rich people are not entertaining to me. Plus that safari lady was just stupid.

Pinky and the Brain were really the most entertaining of the bunch but I still feel like they were too heavily featured in the reboot (the episode where they don’t have a sketch is my favourite).

What I actually kinda missed in the reboot were those little in between scenes from the original like Good Idea Bad Idea or that boy with the stories. There were others that weren’t as great (Dot’s Poetry Corner (though that was mainly because I felt like the intro and outro were too long)) but I don’t know, I just liked them.

Now the ‘story characters’ were better used in the original than in the reboot. Especially since the ‘story’ doesn’t really matter all that much in the 2020 version, the whole escaping and getting caught doesn’t really come up except for maybe one or two moments.

Dr. Otto Scratchansniff is a good character, I think for most of the time. I feel like he should be better at his job, but otherwise entertaining enough that I didn’t mind his return.

Hello Nurse I’m a bit more on the fence about. At the beginning she didn’t really seem to have much character other than being hot and there for men (especially Yakko and Wakko (again they are kids!)) to lust over. And her smart characteristics were tagged on later and inorganically. I mean I liked the song the Wakko sang about her, showing off her intelligence over all, but at the end he basically says some of that stuff isn’t actually true and honestly I doubt a woman with 5 PhDs would work as a nurse for a psychiatrist. Why does he even need a nurse? The psychiatrists I’ve been to didn’t even have receptionists and she hardly does any nursing anyway! The only time I can remember where she actually acts smart is at the end of the movie. That’s it. She just felt unnecessary to me, especially at the beginning and I’m kinda glad she isn’t in the reboot so far.

Ralph is kinda cute. Don’t have much of an opinion on him. He does his job, has a nice family. The token stupid guy but still lovable.

Mr Plotz is meh. I get why he’s like that and what they wanted to achieve with his character but don’t miss him. Mrs Norita is kinda cool but not featured enough for me to really like or dislike her.

The movie I liked quite a lot, actually. I probably won’t ever feel compelled to rewatch the original series except for some segments but I could see myself watching the movie again. The story was nice, the songs were great and I think they used all the characters effectively and in a way that they weren’t annoying to me. I hardly felt compelled to skip scenes focused on characters I usually didn’t enjoy so they did a good job there.

All in all I must say I liked the reboot way more than the original. It might just be that the original is a product of it’s time and a lot of the stuff and running gags haven’t aged well but it does show that the characters themselves still work mostly. I am looking forward to the second season and I probably will rewatch some sketches every once in a while.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings. Feel free to ask for clarification if there’s something I didn’t explain well or left out!

#long post #animaniacs #animaniacs 1993 #animaniacs 2020 #wakko's wish #my ramblings #this took a long while to tipe out #I'm open for discussions!

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elliesbookclub · 3 years

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Yesterday, I finished Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney and I had a lot of opinions which I wrote down last night and have now edited a bit to make them more understandable. I also started to read The Guardians by John Grisham (who seems to be a rather successful thriller author, so this book will probably be very good for me especially after Conversations with Friends) and my opinion on page 15 is that I really like it.

The gist of it is, I kind of want my time back. I was somehow fascinated by the book but I didn’t like it very much. I’ll paint you an overall picture in the beginning and then go into some details later (yes, there will be a spoiler warning before I do that).

Now, let’s get into it. Conversations with Friends was a thank you gift by a friend and I was really looking forward to writing her saying thank you again and how much I loved the book. I also really liked the blurb, it’s about feelings and relationships and young people, basically the standard novel that I as a fantasy reader love to read every now and again to take a break from world building and all that stuff. However. Contrary to what the blurb led naive little me into believing, the premise of the story is: the main character (Frances) and her best friend/ ex girl friend who are both college students get acquainted and become friends with a couple in their mid-thirties and then Frances has an affair with the husband (their age difference is 11 years) keeping it secret from everybody else. And yes, there is a lot of sex. I am not here to judge anybody and if that lifestyle appeals to you, go for it (although you are probably going to get hurt and hurt a lot of other people, too). But I don’t need to read a book about it. Sidenote: the book didn’t have quotation marks for written speech which gave it a bit of a forced artsy feeling but getting used to it was a lot easier than expected. Now. I finished the book in two days so there was obviously something (other than shameless procrastination) that kept me reading. I mostly liked the prose, except there was a lot of filtering going on, you know, the thing where the prose makes the reader aware of the fact that they are not actually part of the scene but are experiencing everything second hand, phrases like “I felt the warm wood under my hands” as opposed to “the wood was warm under my hands”, but besides that the prose was good and the I-narrator’s character voice was good, too. What I really enjoyed were the character dynamics because the relationships (like, the ones that came across in their interactions, not the ones like “husband”, “best friend”, “that amount of years age difference”) were done really really well. Obviously, the book is about these relationships so it better get them right, but yeah, it did. However, it got them right so well that at some point it was easy to forget the premise and just enjoy the banter, which made the book more enjoyable to me but also a bit frustrating.

What kind of confused me a bit, or maybe even disappointed me was that I felt like she threw in all these buzz words, like, capitalism and feminism and many many other terms and tuched on very political topics, and it was very clear that Frances and Bobbi had strong opinions, especially Bobbi, but she never really got into detail. She made it seem like she got into detail, but what happened was that some characters were having a discussion about it and Frances was sitting there and summarizing for the reader. But please do correct me if I'm wrong!!

I hope I have said everything I needed to say to give my overall impression of the book now, so the next paragraphs are going to contain spoilers. You have been warned. If you are like me and cannot enjoy a story when major things have been spoilered to you, and you are considering to read this book, then please do not keep reading this post.

This is also more of a side note, but like I said, people have a lot of sex in this book, which is probably obvious since the main plot focusses on an affair. I personally do not enjoy sex scenes very much but I can see when they are necessary for the plot. However. Frances sleeps with three different people throughout the book, two men and one women, and it really really bugs me quite a bit how much focus the heterosexual sex gets in comparison to the homosexual sex. And it is not a difference that the plot makes necessary. The author had full control over how much attention which scene got and the two women having sex is just not as explicit and elongated as the heterosexual couples. I just needed to say that.

Moving on. I feel the need to address the ending. Like I said, I didn't like the premise very much but the book drew me in anyways. The ending fits the premise quite well. There were a number of moments when I thought that Frances would start doing a lot more self harm than she was already doing. When she first got the ultrasound appointment (by the way, I don't know about healthcare in Ireland, but it was very confusing that she had to wait months for the ultrasound, I always thought general physicians or gynecologists could just do them right away, it's not like an MRI scan or anything) I even expected her to end up having a deadly illness and several times I expected her to kill herself. Maybe I've been watching too many videos on character arcs, but Frances definitely has a negative character arc and at some point, there is just no getting out of it. So, when things are getting better for her again, it doesn't make that much sense plot wise. I was a bit shocked in the end non the less, and no, I did not like the ending very much, but it makes a lot of sense. I feel like the book is a finished thing that works very well as its own entity.

For some reason, I have a favorite scene despite disliking the book so much. It’s the one when Frances finds Bobbi reading the story she is going to publish. I just felt like mentioning that, too. It really hits home, what with the build-up and the Bobbi-Frances relationship and all.

Anyways. Keep reading!

#let's read those books #books #reading #Sally Rooney #conversations with friends

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thestudyfeels · 5 years

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How To NOT Be Depressed.

(Or If You Prefer — How to Be Substantially Happy About Life.)

WARNING: This is one rollercoaster ride of a post. Proceed with extreme caution. For some, the staggering levels of insight may induce true purpose and re-establish their warrior spirit. For others, side effects may include grammatically incorrect hate or aloof eyerolls. We advise exiting if the said group includes you, for we're very tired of cleaning vomit off the seats.

Step aboard at your own risk.

If you’re one of the brave souls who stayed back to join us, I congratulate you for even I am scared of how crazy this post truly is. Alrighty then, kick back and relax folks, today we’re having a mature, adult conversation. Merely another cheery afternoon spent talking about life and its realities. Not too bad, eh?

Before we begin, spoiler alert! For those of you already turned off by the mention of 'depression’ and packing their bunnies to leave, sit tight. This ISN'T really about depression. This is about HAPPINESS. No clickbait. That got your attention, right butterfly? Nice, now stay.

A welcoming, maybe demanding A/N: Do me a favor and read this in one go. Maybe even plug in those headphones and listen to the songs dedicated to each part as you read. It's long, you have the new Riverdale episode to catch up on, but don't hop away just yet because (I had a couple moments writing this, alright) it's life changing. You'll prolly cry a few tears of realization, nod all nod-able body parts in agreement, beat your chest at random instants 'cause the hype’s too real, and perhaps, if it isn’t too much to hope for, finally go change your life for the better. In case you've forgotten, this'll remind you that there’s always hope, that you're a born conqueror, and you were made to THRIVE, not survive. Convinced? Kay, roll the cams.

To clarify first-hand, no, I'm not depressed although I’ve experienced mild depression for a period before. Glad to say I'm out of it but I still struggle with tackling what I'm about to detail next.

Insert bitter voice, it’s this: My life is nowhere near I want it to be. Though I know vaguely what I wanna do, I haven't yet figured out how the hell I’m supposed to get there, or how my dream life is to be sketched out. It’s all a blurry mess. Which, to put it bluntly, hurts. I HATE feeling powerless and worthless, roaming about aimlessly.

There are many such moments where I hit the brakes to wonder why I’m not living THE Life already. There have been several times when I curl up and cry a frickin’ Amazon. There are horrible nights where I'm shaking with emotions, but they won't release, leaving me choked. (…not in that way, you hoes. Um, just ruined the dramatic mood with a lame dirty joke, sorry.)

They say talking helps and that's why I figured I'd drop in. But perhaps more importantly, I wanted to hang because no matter how unfocused the lens may seem at my future, I don't consider myself a dopey loser incapable of the crazy dreams or wild bucket lists I fantasize about– and I thought I'd skip along to remind you that neither should you. (Or maybe I just came to sniff the new appetizers, who knows?)

PS: I also broke a sweat listing six ways to get outta depression– alternatively, to be more of a conqueror– because y'all are always pestering me with asks that go “how do I conquer omg send supplies” (Like, imagine a conqueror saying that! Oh, the crime, the atrocity!)

So yes, you're welcome. Have a feast with this litness.

The main reason behind people being so frightfully sad, I’ve found, is a huge lack of fulfillment. We don't do what we love, for either— [ 1 ] we aren’t living life the way we want to (since we keep doing things we feel we're supposed to do) OR [ 2 ] because Mama, Papa and Mrs. Carter next door feel that struggling is the only way, and project their traditional beliefs onto us. Either way, whether or not we consciously realize this, subconsciously, we're all hurting because of it. Badly.

That lingering feeling of emptiness never seems to leave. You feel drained every night when you drop into bed, not because you gave it your all, but because you couldn't. And so, we do the next best thing. Drugs. Maybe not literally, but figuratively. We numb out this subconscious pain by binge watching Netflix shows. We deaden ourselves to that discomfort by reading smut in the bathroom or by playing dumb video games all day. We try (and fail) to extinguish this feeling of not ‘being enough’ by having silly flings or fake friendships.

And ultimately, we NUMB ourselves out to LIFE for we can't bear to live the way we're living. There's a reason why “How to Stop Procrastinating” posts are so popular (they’re a blogger’s most foolproof way of paying the month’s rent, and yes, even I'm guilty of a couple). We’re constantly having FOMO and tuning into others' highlights on social media– completely missing out on our own lives in the process. We fail to realize that the culprit is lack of genuine purpose more than zero self-control (or maybe it’s both, but that’s a tale for another day).

[On a side note, obviously I did generalize a bit– video games can be a passion for you, watching shows a way of winding down. But for most, they’re only DISTRACTIONS, just another way of ignoring the calls of life by hanging up the phone.]

And here's the bitter truth about depression: The longer you wait to start living authentically, the more you start tuning out the inner cries wanting change, the faster your dreams start to ebb away, and the more you'll want to become insignificant. And to me, that's the scariest part of this journey to my dream life.

Nothing frightens me more than knowing that the moment I stop pushing, the very moment I give in to distractions and fears, my goals will stop manifesting themselves and I'll be stuck in this small town with its small people eternally. And THAT, I'm certain, won't be any more fun than working your way through a soggy ham sandwich, ironic as soggy is what life has become. (Yes, I have a thing against soggy sandwiches. They were a kid's worst lunch nightmare.)

If you relate, and I’m sure you do (it’s probably why you stopped scrolling through cheesy fanfic for ten minutes to read this, I know you amigo) — here are six ways to NOT be depressed. Or more accurately, to gift wrap yourself some sweet ol’ happiness.

You're a Samurai and the Following Be Your Katanas —

Hol’ up. The second you reach the End Card, I want you to drop your Cheerios and implement at least THREE of these six strategies. Just follow the Takeaways, I've made this really simple. And as a rule, one of them has to be this one. (Look, don't whine. If you wanna climb outta that dark hole, you gotta put in some effort. So pop that booty, and let’s get down to business!)

Here’s the most truthful, though cheesy thing I’ll ever say: I would be nowhere I am today without this blog. If not for it, I would most likely be weeping in a dug-out hole somewhere, drowning in my salty little pond of tears and chiming every loser’s favorite words (“there's no point”). Creating this blog gave me a definite purpose – putting out fiery content, dipping myself deep into my newly found passion for writing and influencing, and connecting with other conquerors on the platform.

I meet a lot of folks, whether at Sad School, Mouldy Mall, or Boring Bus stop, who always seem to be in a state of death-inducing boredom. When asked about their favorite thing to do, they’ll mumble “sleep” or “food” like Siri narrating your cat’s evening routine. And then you see adults, dragging through life mindlessly. Utterly clueless, floating like a piece of driftwood in an ocean bubbling with life. My sympathy quota gets overdosed everytime I think about it.

To spell it out, find something to do. Anything! Learn a language, try some ballet, take pictures of your neighbor's rose garden, make an art piece and show it to your mom, stitch buttons onto shirts for fun, heck, make an entire shirt out of buttons, take a break from reading smut to write your own, frutify your farts, WHATEVER, just get up and move.

And here’s why – nay, not to keep you engaged or make you feel less worthless, not that bullcrap. It’s to put in gear the journey of figuring out what is the shite that you love doing. Too often we get stuck thinking about what our oh-so-great passion is. Get this, passion is energy. A spark for something. A magical fortune cookie which, when cracked, seems to explain everything, gives you the very reason for being alive. You can only feel that fire, that wild love, when you actually do it. So get cracking is all I’ll say!

Takeaway:

Attempt something. Nah, scratch that, imagine you’re in a sweet shop with shelves lined with free samples and try everything. Pick up that Polaroid cam, take that dreaded history course, buy that children’s cooking kit– in short, start working. Pull out all the stops, get curious, and get creative. In the process, if you promise to try hard enough, you WILL (money back guarantee) find out what makes your little heart burst with mad happiness and would willingly do for free, if needed, because you really are that crazy about it. And that, my dear, will be your oh-so-great-indeed passion. Have no doubt, you’ll never be “bored” again.

Real talk, having a dream is a big deal. And unfortunately, I’ve witnessed, rarely anyone has one to begin with. They’re either more dead than the cheap skeleton I bought for Halloween or believe they have a dream, but in reality, it belongs to mom, dad, or Uncle Sammy. Listen, doing something for someone you love (my Uncle Sammy used to supply me with cold cash whenever he came around, loved that guy) is great! YET, if you’re willing to throw away your life to fulfill others’ expectations, convincing yourself it's because they love you, even when YOUR lonely heart craves bigger things than just a marketing job, then you, my friend? Are the biggest fool. Don’t get offended, we both know it, this girl needn't ramble.

Recently, my relatives were over (nope, sadly not Uncle Sammy) and my cousin and I had a chat about life (correct, I grab every opportunity to do so). It wasn't very exciting I must say, he kept staring off into the distance (I wonder why), but what he SAID is what I'll talk about. After I’d gushed about my dreams, he asked skeptically if being an influencer would still be an ambition two years from now when I graduate. I raised my eyebrows, mock hurt, like eff you son, I ain’t giving up on my dreams! But that question got me thinking.

Life is wild. Unpredictable. An unexpected call, a single person, a random BLOG POST (cough) – can turn your life upside down, sometimes in the affirmative, other times not. This variability of life isn’t uncommon, and everyone experiences some part of it– unpaid student loans, failing startups, talent and art going unnoticed in industries dominated by wealth and connections, you name it. If all of that doesn’t make you run for the Himalayas and abandon any dreams, throw in a quick side dish of dysfunctionale famiglia with a sprinkle of self-image issues.

It ain’t easy, darling. The world is one cruel headmistress; it loves slapping awake the daydreamers and wishful thinkers. That hasn't ever actually stopped the dropouts and class clowns from building castles in the air though. And the common blueprint you notice they follow? Let me introduce you to… Madness. Obsession. Maniacal obsession, to say. (Yes, I'm done playing with my words.)

I struggled writing this point. A pestering voice in my head kept mumbling – They'll go back to doing the same sad shit anyway. Um, does anyone even read your posts? Lol, call yourself an influencer, hun. Hesitation started creeping in. Then the irony of the situation struck me. I laughed, shook my head and got back to typing.

We ran out of juicy gossip weeks ago, so here’s your tea served cold: insecurities and self doubt WILL get in the way. That whiny voice was just a mild version of what you face when you go all in. Fear traps you in its cage, and those who prattled behind your back now progress to talking shit in your face. Criticism and self doubt resurfaces, so unless your defenses are strong, you'll be crushed. Destroyed REAL quick.

When hell breaks loose (oh honey, and it WILL), your self defense comprising of maniacal obsession must be well learnt. Let them attack, mock, heck, drag you away from the desk and hurl you at the top of a damn mountain, but you better STILL hike back down, show them the middle finger, and continue working. That's how bulletproof you've gotta be. That's how madly do you have to love your dreams. And if you really think this will be a cake walk or want to continue complaining about Stuart being born with a silver spoon, hop off the train already. Your destination isn't on the tour list.

Look, my dreams terrify me. But they certainly make me feel more alive than complying with what every parent said about getting good grades and holding together a roof on my head. My ambitions set me free, give me a reason to fucking live. And yet, every now and then, something makes me question them. A fear engulfs me, some doubter proclaims I suck, someone I love is so blinded they can't see my vision. And that's okay. My defenses are way stronger. The next day rolls round, and you'll find me hustling again, thriving again. All because I know that even if no one reads my posts (the worst case scenario, I know y'all love me lol), someday in the future, someone will. I know that even if I’m not an influencer yet, if just one reader becomes a conqueror because of my words, it would be a win. A big win. I'd have done my job. All because I’m wildly, yes maniacally, obsessed with my dreams.

So hey, cousin? This influencer thing? This will be my dream long after I've graduated. Till the day I die, and maybe even then I'll rise from my grave to give a dead pal a lively pep talk. My watchtower has just been upgraded, so thank u, next.

Takeaway:

“General, we've arrived!” Finally! Position those cannons, Martha, let’s talk them through the defenses. All aboard? AHOY MATEY! (wait, that was one for the pirates). Step one, dare to create a dream in your mind’s eye. The bigger, the crazier, and the scarier, the better. Doesn’t matter how impossible it is, don’t care how many voice their opinion against it, just imagine, keep a million possibilities in mind.

Once you see the life you truly want (you’ll know, everything will seem to zing)— have a sip. Become OBSESSED for that life. Thirst after that vision, itch to manifest it, and pine for the satisfaction that’ll come to your soul once it’s made a reality. Fall madly in love with the process and how magical it feel when you do it. And THEN, bellow a loud war cry and charge headfirst into battle, shields held high at all the criticisms. We conquerors never cared much for them anyway.

(play ♬) Picture this: forehead stamped with beads of sweat. Calloused hands working their fingers to the bone and eyebrows furrowed in deep concentration. Conjure an image where powerful beats are pulsing hard in your ears, synced with your own elevated heartbeats, and you’re thriving. Performing. Winning. Guess the secret to that? Preparation. Champions prepare. You can’t throw anything to the winds or rely on ‘luck’ or chance to conquer.

Tough days are in everyone’s calendar, be it your extra cheerful neighbor, Sally, or lone wolf classmate, Derrick. We’ve all found ourselves sulking over an awful situation, scooping into mint ice cream to forget mistakes, errands, and ghosting exes. Yet guess what? The solution isn’t the proclaimed “be positive!” or “It all happens for a reason, don’t you worry” - the key is coming up with a method to dodge the discouraging effect these hiccups have on us.

So every bad day, I bring out a mason jar containing a knot of chits and one secret letter which is, on most days, kept hidden on the top shelf of my cupboard. I make myself comfortable on the bed, read all my bits of paper carefully, including the letter addressed to yours truly, close my eyes, and mentally fight back whatever’s bringing me down.

A short while later, I get up, now a warrior, and go slay the rest of the day like it was my last one on this planet. That jar is my jar. A Conqueror’s jar. One look at those powerful reminders, and I’m grounded once again, the beast within me now unleashed to kill.

Takeaway:

Honey, go get yourself a jar. Along with some papyrus and ink. Then start jotting down. Document past victories, future visions, fears that mean zilch to the person you’re about to become, batty goals you’ve still gotta chase, reminders that the majority will never understand what it is you’re tryna do here, and how that’s perfectly alright 'cause you'll find your conquerors, your squad one day. Create your victory jar. And then go knock ‘em down dead. Bad days stand no chance against you. You’re a winner, a fucking rebel. Go take what’s yours.

Y’know, I’m perfectly aware that many muggles reading this will whine that dealing with depression ain’t no piece o’ pie and it’s hella hard to get up and take the crown when you feel like a pile of dino dung.

Stop it. Get some help. (See what I did? Like Michael- ok ok, calm thyself.) For real though, and I’m tired of repeating this with my kitten stamped microphone (but I’ll keep at it ‘cause it’s that significant) – whining is WORTHLESS. It saps up precious energy that could be used to make life a scrumptious smoothie. (Loothie? As in life + smoothie? Right, yes, I’m shutting up.)

And even THEN, we find denizens complaining about slow WiFis and thin crust pizzas and how the market’s down and the government’s incompetent. Because blabbering makes us feel important. Heard. But keeping yo’ trap shut and actually doing stuff? Hustling for your dreams when nobody’s watching? Actually walking the talk? C’mon, Emma, don't be naive, ain’t nobody getting recognition for that.

Trust me, I get it. The world is yet to become a feminist, turns out your boyfriend was cheating on you while you were looking up wedding dresses, mommy’s a drunk loser, and idiots are being voted into office. It’s a lot to handle. But thanks to our immense and ever increasing population (we folks really love our rumpy pumpy, can you tell) — there will surely be one chum, facing exactly the same misfortunes as you, but still turning up at every party and bulk-spamming his friends with puppy pictures while you sit and wail. (One Moaning Myrtle is enough, thank you very much.)

Look, I’m not undermining your worries or obstacles. I’m only reminding that you have the marvelous choice of positivity. To CHOOSE hope and a better future when others won't. To FIND (and it's always possible) something to look forward to even when the to-do’s a big snore. To KNOW, deep inside, that you're a magnificent conqueror, no matter what mess you’re in at the moment, and that the world dances to your rhythm. Realise that it's up to you to let yourself be happy. At any moment, you have the very say-so to get up and start rocking. Dumbledore said it himself, “It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” So choose better, and you’ll unconsciously do better as well. And yes, that being said, this is the last HP reference, don't fret. Be positive instead. (Edit: Ha, look at these quips, the girl's all grown up now.)

Takeaway:

Your new occupation is to be a sunflower. If you think back, you'll probably recall Miss Honey rattling on about phototropic movement in AP biology. No? Me neither. Point is, sunflowers always face the sun. Put them ANYWHERE, hide them in the dungeons, throw them in a trash bag and shoot it off to the moon, they’ll still turn around and face the sun. No matter what. And taking inspo from that, you too can stop scripting creative soliloquies for being depressed. Happiness is YOUR right, YOUR priority, don't let anyone take it away from you or diminish its importance. DON’T let sadness ruin your vibe, do what you've gotta do to protect yourself. Track happiness in yo’ journal, set 84 reminders on your phone, and tattoo “Long as you’re beaming up at the sun, all the shadows will be left behind” on your boobs. Do whatever, just don’t turn the corners of your mouth down. You’re so pretty this way.

The other day, I was doing the deathly Plié Alternative Heel Lifts (these names, I swear) and my legs felt dead. Gone. Put to sleep like the Wicked Witch of the East. Now obviously, the timer wasn’t not even halfway done yet, but my cheeks were already flushing red like dear Santa, and NOT because I was high on choco chip cookies. I sighed, and at that point, I was so over giving up. All this while, I’d been whining and protesting because my muscles felt sore, but in that moment, I made up my mind. I bit my lip and kept going. On and on. Keep pulsing, you got it, don't stop, was the mantra I kept chanting.

Won’t sugarcoat it, I honestly hadn’t died this much since that time Miss Honey buried me alive with trig assignments. My legs were now basically Play-doh and I was shaking, fighting for balance. A few seconds in though, something crazy happened. My legs went numb. My grumbling mind quietened and the pain vanished. That evening, I had the upper hand, not my physical perceptions of myself. I was powerful. Flawless. (Hey Santa, do you even lift bro?) Real talk, I was in the Zone, bitches.

I’m not sure if that was the result of excessive pain or because Wonder Woman’s spirit possessed ma bod, but staying loyal to my love for metaphors, I’ll use the experience to explain what I’m tryna get at here.

Look, here’s the real deal — if all of the greats gave up the second things got frowny, we probably would have no one to worship. Nix role models, nix inspirations, none to stalk on Insta - we’d all be bumbling about like Sad from the even sadder Emoji movie (no shade, emojis be lit).

And that'd be very sad (pun definitely intended). Hence, cue some tangible ways to boosting your grit, so that you can be your own superhero:

1) Get yo’self a goddamn motto,

2) Know your “Why,”

3) Repeat the cycle till it’s in your blood. Btw, Shawn, if you here, I’m still a single pringl—HEY PAL I SEE YOU, DON'T SCROLL.

Seriously, don't brush these prime steps aside. We're always going for the advanced modes, and deeming these basic levels a waste of time. Well guess what, compadre, YOUR LIFE IS A GODDAMN WASTE O’ TIME IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR BASICS RIGHT. Excuse my outburst, but listen. You can’t do a hundred bicep curls on your first workout if you haven't lifted anything more than a crisps packet. Likewise, if you simply jump into Life one day, and decide “ok, here it is, 12 habits to build, sleep schedule to fix, man to ask out, let's go,” you ain't getting nowhere, chum. Start small. Take baby steps. It's clearly not as fun (definitely negates the bragging on Facebook part of it) but it'll stick. You’ll create a consistency that not even Grandma's cake batter can achieve.

1. Talking mottos — For context, a motto that I always mutter (my mom thinks I'm cursing, oh what a bad child) every time I spill milk while making coffee is “Do more. Give more. BE more.” Not only does it help me stay right on track for the rest of the day but it helps me clean up my mess, figuratively and otherwise, or I’d just be sitting in a puddle of spilt milk, cursing adulting for real this time and with more laundry to do.

2. Why you need the Big Why — Owning up, I’m guilty of attempting to learn Welsh for less than 48 hours because I hadn't a single reason to speak the language. A similar thing happened with half of my 2018 resolutions, which had a bunch of rubbish like “Floss daily”, something my eyes got trained to skip because, um, who the hell flosses every day?

Lame humor aside, I still workout almost daily because I have my Why straight. 1) I want to feel good about my body and get closer to the confident badass I envision my future self to be, 2) I simply HAVE to sustain my health to live to build my legacy and fulfill my dreams of opening a bakery at 90 and 3) Because I’m an influencer, and want to walk my talk and be the inspiration people need. Those are the reasons as to why I turn up to my yoga mat everyday, shut my jabbering mind, and keep on pulsing. This “Why” strategy applies to everything. Wanna get outta depression? Why? Wanna lose 20 pounds? Why? Wanna listen to your dentist’s desperate pleadings and floss already? WHY EH? Unless you know your intentions, you’ll give up at the first chance you get to not act on your goals. And watch out, because there'll be a LOT of those.

For me, leaving a legacy behind means more than having a slice of cake or missing a workout because there’s a fun movie playing. Find what's important to YOU, make it your why, and go marry your goals.

3. And then, Repeat — Bear in mind, if you're not living your best life yet, there are NO weekends. NO work-shy days. No weak days, no pick-me-up days, no eat-candy-do-nothing days. Everyday is a damn Monday. EVERYDAY is life or death. Every holy day you wake up is a chance to push your limits, challenge your mindset, and see how far you can go. And every 24 hours, when the cycle starts again, it’s your mission to race to build a stronger, wiser and crazier you.

And who knows, perhaps one day, you and I will just be casually sipping tea in our dream home, laughing at how the milk is still being spilt but knowing, proudly, fiercely, that we’ve come so far, even though there’s still more left to do, more to give and so much more to be.

Takeaway:

Quit quitting. You're, guaranteed, 20x stronger than you think. I doubted I could go through with the workout, it seemed beyond my present physical capabilities. But I did, because I treated it as life or death. Understand this, the second you start making excuses, for being depressed, for taking an unnecessary day off - you give away your power. You are a very powerful being. You're limitless, capable of everything.

I'm not throwing these words around to make you feel cute, I actually mean AND believe them. There’s so much that's been done already— the iconic four minute mile by Roger Bannister, invention of the light bulb, cars, toothpaste and other junk, people who lost both legs and climbed Mt. Everest, we sent a man to moon in frickin’ 1969 (50 YEARS ago), some ran a 26 mile marathon with zero training, love and hope is still strong in this world, oh let's also add coffee and motivational music— and YOU think you can't finish a workout or get outta depression or meet your idols or marry the man of your dreams or become the artist you wanna be? Ridiculous. Don't give away your power that easily, this ain't no charity shop.

(play ♬) Having personally dealt with unwelcome yet familiar feelings of emptiness quite often, I’ve now reached a point where each bad day is simply a reminder of how long my journey ahead is, and just how badly I want to reach my destination.

We finally near the end of this novel of a post (thanks for sticking around, bud), and my best advice would be this: Rather than wallowing in self pity and throwing one-man parties because your life is so awfully dreadful, know that even when life throws you to the floor, long as you can look up, long as you can read an entire book about defeating depression (cough)– you can GET UP too. Let those emotions of sorrow and frustration blaze up into a roaring, crackling fire that doesn’t consume you, but instead, urges you, fuels you.

Lately, no matter how much shit I go through, how many arguments I tumble into, or how barren my dreams look sometimes, I don’t break down. And no, it wasn't always like this. I never even had aspirations to name two years ago. Six months back, it had become a night routine to cry. Not anymore.

Now, every setback and every failure only pushes me to be stronger and give more than I ever gave. The day I made the decision to Conquer (truly, madly, deeply, with all of my heart) was also the day I said a big, loud ‘fuck you’ to every resistance that was to cross my path. I had finally understood that life was nothing but a battle of WILLS, that it was all in or nothing, and I made up my mind once and for all to NEVER give in to depression, or to society, or to anyone who tells me I cannot make it.

I had conquered depression. There was no looking back now.

Takeaway:

Here’s something no one will tell you: the key to bringing depression to its knees is seeing it positively. Pretend that it's a friend continuously sending strong, aggressive signals urging you to be happy. And what do you do when a caring friend throws some holy light? You listen, push past your ego, and follow accordingly.

And if that parallel seems unconvincing, here's another one (sup, DJ Khaled. This post is turning musical, sorry): it's scared of you. Depression is scared shit of you. Y'know how bullies are, right? Majorly insecure, self-loathing too perhaps, hardly fans of self love, and always trying to numb all that subconscious pain by inflicting pain on others. Depression has the same instruction manual. Your fears and doubts are your (pathetic) bullies, and depression is the big ol’ crony who does the dirty work for 'em.

Whenever you decide shit this is it, I'm going for it, they go paranoid and try stopping you because they've seen no better. And if they succeed, BOOM, you're depressed, paralyzed, your qualms reigning over you again. Don't let them in. I'll say it a thousand times if I gotta because I want (HAVE) to see you conquer – you're so much stronger than you think you are. You can do so much more than you think. It's all in your head! Don't just sit there, click away, and go back to living a sad life. You’re better than that. DO better than that. You’re meant to freaking CONQUER, straight-up dominate, my pal. Pay heed to that voice craving freedom. You got this. And you better know it.

One thing’s fixed like the (beloved by all) proportionality constants in Physics, you will come across depressing mornings and sluggish evenings even in the future. I assure you. Lots o’ bad hair days in the calendar, sis. But here's what you’ll do: you'll deactivate the miserable thoughts, keep a cool head, remind yourself that this is yet another test (better, rap your new mantra) and USE that hurt, pain, and anger to create a fervor and passion that wreaks havoc on its obstacles and drives you to accomplish EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to do. The easy choice would be to just give up, bellyache about the situation, and want sympathy for your worries. Yet, what you'll never do is… exactly that.

Rule 1) NEVER give up. Stand your ground. Have faith in your strength. Know that you'll have your way soon enough anyway. Rule 2) NEVER complain. All it does is drain your energy, that precious fire you could to high jump your way into the clouds. Makes you a pathetic wimp too, definitely not something you want on a warrior’s resume. Lastly, Rule 3) NEVER seek validation. From anyone. It sure feels nice to be acknowledged and encouraged, but grasp this— this is your journey. YOUR life and YOUR vision. Validation won't get you anywhere, for there'll never be enough of it.

Cuz Marty, if you're tryna bring something new, different, and authentic into this world – you'll most likely be hated on badly, before you'll be loved madly (hi, me a rapper). Learn to invite hate instead—IMPORTANT: hate from others, not yourself. Sounds counterintuitive, but this is the real tea: hate is good. It means you're standing up for something, refusing to fit like a puzzle piece in society, and being UNAPOLOGETICALLY yourself. And it’s certainly a sign that you’re on the right path if you can ignore that hate and stick your tongue out at it.

Yet another reason to never seek validation is simply this: you have to fight for yourself. In order to meet your own expectations, reach the doorstep of the best version of you, and transform this world, you'll have to go wildly IN. Toil and hammer away. Shut out all the haters and non-believers, listening only to your gut. Importantly, learn to accept the rejection slips, validating yourself not with what Molly says about it being okay, but with the reminder that your time is coming soon. Depend on yourself. Validation will NEVER be enough.

I get it, it's a lot of homework, but perhaps you already realize that it’s THIS work that'll change your life forever. Not “how to not procrastinate, Jesus take the wheel” or “HELLO, life's a mess so here are ten things to do (you won't believe number four!)”. Clickbaits don't work, stop believing that a fancy planner is going to be your savior. There is no rule to making your life a masterpiece. You'll have to get to know yourself and your dreams (journaling, meditation, silent pondering), build the work ethics and the mentality needed (lots of work in this one, yet no strict framework to go about it) and GET GOING.

AND with that firework, I'll begin to slip away now. Again, I won’t say it’s easy, that’s cock and bull. Life’s no fairytale. You will never feel ready to start bringing your dreams to fruition. But, my darling (I’m being so nice yo, follow me), you must. You must force yourself to work for the future you want till it becomes a habit, an obsession. The world badly needs heroes; confident people who can stand for themselves so that others can stare at first, maybe even hate a little, but then follow because they seem unstoppable and are, truthfully, having the most fun at life. YOU'RE one of them. No validation, just plain facts.

You see, conquering is a LOT of blood and sweat (K-pop, anyone? BTS? Lmao, this is me tryna clickbait y'all to read). Even getting up will seem huge when you're just starting out, and this is one long road, dear pal. Still then, I have enough faith in you to hope you don't give into your fears, I hope you willingly chase discomfort, and I hope you find the courage to do all that you want to do, while that heart's still beating.

I hope you conquer. I'll do too, and I'd really like to see some familiar faces during the ride.

Peace, amigo.

A loud ass A/N: And now, we come the most important part of this post. WAKE UP Luke, stop snoring, and take some notes. Remember kids, I won't accept anything but an A.

If you couldn’t identify yourself throughout this post and currently are scoffing like um woman, that's not really why I'm depressed, hang in there a sec. Yes, you can stop singing It Ain’t Me now. You've a very nice voice by the way.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't have enough exposure to know why so many earthlings are depressed today. HOWEVER, by talking to many, following their stories, watching and reading stuff – I do know with firm conviction that a majority suffers from severe unfulfillment. Don't believe me? A study shows 85% of the working class worldwide hate their jobs. Do you realize what that actually means? EIGHTY-FIVE PERCENT of the THREE BILLION PEOPLE employed today, hate being employed in the first place! They do it for prime survival, to sustain themselves. And that's just jobs. I won't scare you, but 50% (yes, HALF, you heard that right) of students HATE going to school. Kids waste SEVEN hours of their life every day going somewhere they dislike, doing something they hate. Who's singing now?

People find themselves trapped in golden handcuffs, taking the paycheck despite the passionless job. They push aside the art and business they love, to become a slave of good ol’ cash. Several surround themselves with negativity and get frustrated when unable to escape the choking (no, not THAT kind again, hello someone pour holy water over this post) atmosphere. An innumerable are forced into taking up courses that they don't care about under parental pressure. The reasons are endless, and I don't think I'll amuse myself listing all the sad excuses.

This has always been the story. Hundreds of influencers have preached the same words I’m tryna put into your head here and you’ll yourself say you’ve heard this a million times. YET, you’re dissatisfied. YET, you feel like crap everyday, feeding yourself the same lie that the next day will be better, that you’ll get up tomorrow– while you let life beat the shit out of you.

That’s why, all of my words, everything you’ve read today - all of that boils down to just one single question. A difficult but necessary choice. Will you let this happen to YOU? Will you, seriously, even after this wild ride together, go back to doing nothing and being nothing? Will you, for real, continue deceiving yourself, sacrifice your happiness for the sake of pleasing everyone else, and remain a statistic on a website?

(play ♬) If you’re not sure of your answer, read: Look, making you feel guilty is not my intention, because that’s not how this works. I need you to understand instead. Guilt wears off, it’s only understanding that brings about change. So, just for old times’ sake, I’ll rant a bit more (ik, just can’t seem to leave y’all).

You’re so, so young right now. More than half of your life is yet to be experienced. None of this probably makes much impact right now but it will the day you die. Remember, on your deathbed, you won't EVER look back and say, “Damn, wish I'd spent more time at the office. Saved up just one more dollar. Could’ve got that promotion before Amy.” Nay, it won’t even be on the calendar. That day, one foot in the grave, you'll reflect and wonder why the heck you didn’t let yourself be happier. Why you took up that lacklustre, soul-sucking architect job when all you've ever wanted to do is keep laughing. Why you didn't ask your crush out, why you were so afraid to walk up to that audition, because dammit, you could’ve been running your own comedy show by now. Why you dragged around a karaoke machine all this time instead of singing your own song. Why you couldn’t love yourself. Why you submitted. Why.

And the moment you realize that you hadn't lived a life for you, you’ll be crushed. Broken. The arthritis in your grannie joints won't even compare and neither will the mild dissatisfaction you’re feeling right now. Those whys will haunt you, they'll terrorize you, break you. It'll hurt tremendously to know that there isn't a single thing in your long life that you could call completely your own.

With every death today so many dreams are left unachieved, crazy things left unchecked on the bucket list, and unique potential left unexpressed.

DON'T let that be you. Please. I'm still a mess myself, struggling to reach class on time and studying subjects that aren't exactly fun, when all I want to do is create content (read: fireworks) that is at a level of insanity, influence folks to do better, hold crazy world tours and meet-and-greets to give hugs, and get an adorable puppy so I can create a dogstagram (yes, I'm that mom). Sure, I could declare it's too hard, hang onto small-minded and negative people who whine endlessly, and follow the crowd, getting lost in it, with ease.

But I won’t because I can’t take the burden of those regrets. That painful unrest and discontent that nothing could cure, not drugs, alcohol, buddies, not even true love. For then I’d be just another drone, my controller in the hands of society, forcing me to see the world through its eyes. I can’t give in because I’m scared, terrified even, of wasting away this one life doing the bidding of others- folks who won't even notice when I’m gone.

It’s easy to be depressed and crib your entire life. It’s easy to think you’re worthless and that trying is pointless since nothing ever goes your way.

But perhaps, if you rise, if you simply DECIDE to have the audacity to fight for what you believe in, if you work and focus on becoming better, things will go your way. Life will bend to you, in awe, at your incredible relentlessness. Life will take one look at you, wonder who the fuck is this person? How the fuck are they so incapable of giving up? And back right away. And then perhaps, life will be such a blast for you that depression would become the past you never had.

I know you can get there, conqueror. It’s time you knew it too.

🌚🌝 Further reading? 🌝🌚

Last Post :— How To Get Back Into The Creative Process – For you, if you're in a creative rut. Get outta it and go create magic!

5 Reasons Why You're Unhappy — To help you identify & cut out CURRENT sources of sadness so that you can spice up yo’ life with some happiness instead. Definitely recommend reading AND implementing.

The Bubble Trap & How To Get Out Of It — One of my classics. Everyone is in one of these 'bubbles’ till they consciously do something about it; that's just how it is. Are you still in one? (Someone teach me marketing, lmao.)

The 5 Biggest Regrets of The Dying (from Greatist) — I LOVED reading this. Pretty much all you need to cut the crap and do meaningful stuff. Read it, memorize it, work it.

++ Want to request a blog post? Leave your request in my ask box! I'll get back to you with a reply, along with the average time I'll need to birth that magical idea.

Thanks for dropping by! It was a pleasure to have you around. If you wish to stick for a bit, I'd suggest picking one of the related posts mentioned above.

If you wanna check out my blog, here's a little something about me (y'all know I love the attention). What do I write about? Three arenas I dominate, Work, Lifestyle and Life, they are, my mate! Take your pick!

I post new blog posts bi-weekly, and my wins, & journal entries throughout the week, so follow me if you're into conquering life, leaving a legacy and being the baddest badass you can possibly be. I'll be your side pal, cheering you along.✨

And that was it, it's a wrap! Martha, shut the cams, Henry, pause the audio, and Nandita, I know you're pretending to be deaf, but Mom's yelling something about doing the dishes. Better skip along.

And you, fellow conqueror? Keep slaying life, doing the work and making it count. I hope you're well, stay strong and go conquer life. ✧

I'm sending you so much love, see you soon.

— Nandini 💌 (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

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imaghostwriter · 5 years

Text

11/11/11 (or more like 44/11/11)

Rules: Answer 11 Questions, Ask Eleven Questions, Tag Eleven People!

alright, so i had a lot of people tagging me in this one and i was really happy about every single one! but to sum things up a little (and also so that i wouldn’t have to come up with 44 questions myself) i decided to put it all in one post. i will tag 11 people with 11 questions of my own and answer all 44 questions i received under the cut.

thanks to the wonderful @thewritingsofart, @i-rove-rock-n-roll, @writingsonesdreams and @waywordwriter for being awesome and for tagging me! xx

now, here are my 11 questions:

1. if you had to rewrite the earliest work you remember writing, what would you change?

2. have you ever written fanfiction? if so, what was your first fic about?

3. do you have any foolproof methods against writer’s block?

4. have you ever thought about quitting writing?

5. is there an author who you feel influences you as a writer?

6. would you like to have fanfiction written about your works?

7. what is the nicest compliment you’ve ever received on one of your works?

8. have you ever cried over one of your own stories?

9. do you draw about your own stories?

10. have you ever written an au about one of your own stories?

11. have you ever written something creative in another language than english? if so, which one was it? and which language do you prefer?

sooo, those were my 11 questions. now my 11 victims are: @storyteller-kaelo, @metaphors-and-melodrama, @wasted-hymn, @authorified, @writingnosefreak, @quilloftheclouds, @bookenders, @vhum, @madammuffins, @catgirlwarrior, @blueinkblot

and for those who are interested, here are my answers:

@thewritingsofart

1. In what other format do you enjoy reading a novel? Script, Poem, Diary, Illustrated, etc.

i love stories of all kinds, the format doesn't really matter

2. What POV do you prefer reading from? Writing from?

third person, both reading and writing. it doesn't matter if the narrator is omniscent or stays up close and personal with the protagonist

3. Do you remember what your first creative writing piece was?

i remember the first one i created outside of school lmao it was awful but i've also grown a lot since then and i still remember my first work fondly. and tbh i still like the idea so i gottagive little me probs for that. it was about a girl who wakes up with no memories, in a world where everyone believes to have a certain destiny and thus doesn't question what happens to them bc they accept everything to be part of a greater scheme and she starts rebelling against that bc she doesn't want to accept that she was supposed to forget everything about her life and then tons of stuff happens

4. What are you working on now?

a fantasy novel which is a collab with a writer friend that i still know from school and a drama novel, set in the 1960's

5. How do you get in the mood to write?

usually i just reread what i've already written and that does the trick for me but if not then go back to my outline and work a little on that which reminds me of all the cool stuff that i wanna write that's yet to come

6. What in your daily life inspires you to write?

everything and anything. inspiration doesn't come from a certain place from me, it's compeltely random. i just hear or see or read something and it sparks an idea and then i'm stuck with it

7. Do you have a favorite writing snack(s)?

i don't snack much whilst writing tbh bc then i need my hands to write. but i snack a lot to procrastinate and then any snack will do

8. Who do you go to first when you want someone to read/look over your writing?

the friend i do my fantasy collab with is the only friend whom i'm entrusted with almost everything i've written in the last three years and i've even shared some of my older stories with her

9. What got you started in writing for pleasure?

i can't remember if there was a specific reason that got me started. i always liked the creative writing tasks that we got in class so one day i wanted to try writing a book. that was pretty much it

10. How do you create your characters? Do you use a character sheet or another method?

my characters are usually the first thing that come to me so i don't actually use any specific method to create them. they all serve the plot and are built for necessity around my protagonist to create the most believable and most fun dynamic that ultimately leads my main oc to where they need to be

11. If you could have one famous person, from today or history, to read your best piece of writing, who would it be? This includes authors

jane austen probably bc i think she could give me good advice on character dynamics and would smack me on the head for making a man the pov character in my drama novel. but i also think she would be super nice and encouraging in her advice. also she's one of my favourite authors so there's that

@waywordwriter

Heels or flats? flats! i can't walk in heels properly

What’s your favorite Starbucks drink? i don't go to starbucks. if i go to any café i usually get tea if i stay in or coffee if it's to go

Winter or summer both are very uncomfortable, temperature-wise. but i'll go with summer bc it's nice to be too hot for once when you're usually always too cold

Do you write short stories? heck yeah i do!

Favorite author? jane austen bc i always feel good when reading her books

3 words to describe your protagonist(s) going only with daniel from my drama novel: repressed, oblivious, gay

3 words to describe your antagonist(s) well, in my drama novel there is no clear antagonist as in it's not a person and in my fantasy novel the protagonists are kind of the bad guys so i don't really know how to answer this. capitalism? prejudice? believing you know what's best for the people you love and acting on it until your behaviour is downright abusive? none of these are three words but i'm rolling with it

Favorite school subject? constantly changed. when i graduated it was english, german, spanish, art and philosophy

Favorite book(s)? also ever-changing but since i picked jane austen as my favourite author i'm going with pride and prejudice

Favorite music genre? don't have one, it all depends on the song but atm i listen to a lot of old rock

How was your day today? veryyy stressful and emotionally exhausting but i also got to see a good friend of mine that i hadn't seen in some time now and that was nice!

@i-rove-rock-n-roll

1. What part of worldbuilding do you like the least? i'm a sucker for worldbuilding to the point where i procrastinate writing bc i worldbuild too much. there is no part that i don't like

2. Do you write in your own language? If not, why? i do! but i also write in english. at first bc it forced me to simplify my sentences due to a lack of vocabulary but now bc i like it and it gives me the possibiliy to share my work with a wider audience!

3. How many of your characters are orphans or have absent parents? not too many, actually. i think it's mostly a thing in my drama novel where it's 2.5/5 (one being an orphan, the other having abusive parents and one case where i'm not even sure if it's just a very complicated relationship or if it counts as downright abusive but the story doesn't dive too deply into it either). in my fantasy novel it's just 2/6!

4. Do you have any happily married couples in your story? uhhh... now that i think about it.. i don't. wow. never realized that, you really got me there!

5. What kind of visual arts (cinema, sculpture, painting…) inspires you and your stories? all.

6. Did you ever go somewhere and think “this is exactly my story’s setting”? not really. but certain places do sometimes inspire me to set my story somewhere similar. my trip to cambodia led to an outline for a pirate story that has yet to be written

7. If you take public transports, do you ever look at the people around you and imagine their story? yesss, i am 100% that creep that is constantly observing and analysing other people

8. What is the last book you read (or are currently reading)? Would you recommend it? it was "the death of mrs. westaway" and i definetely recommend it! it was a good read. even though i guessed the ending it was still thrilling and it didn't chip away any of the suspense bc the author always kept me questioning myself and always had me asking "but what if i'm wrong?"

9. When was the last time you read fanfiction and what was it about? maybe about two weeks ago? i can't remember what it was about bc it was just small bits of fluff but i do remember that it was a merthur fanfic

10. What is the first thing that came to you for your WIP? Was it a scene, a character, or something else? going with my drama novel: it started out with the idea to write something where the story couldn't stand the way it does if a single sentence where to be taken out. to have something written so minimalistically that only what is absolutely necessary remains but still have it be interesting, engaging and compelling. so i started writing something from the pov of someone who is just the most oblivious rhabbarb the world has ever seen. the rest evolved around it

11. Is there a genre or writing format you’d like to try in the future? not currently. these things tend to come to me with time and as soon as they do i try them out at once bc i can't wait haha

@writingonesdreams

1. How much of your writing is influenced by your daily life? Like does what happened during the day affect what and how you write? not intentionally but when it happens (and i notice it happening, usually) then it influences mostly my characters. their aspirations, their internal conflicts. the reason why daniel is struggling with the expectations of others is bc it's something i experience myself, although maybe not as strongly as he does. but then again, that's kind of a universal experience so it's not that noticable

2. How much of you is inside your characters? every single one of them has something from me but i always make sure to never make them too similar to me and whenever i see myself too much in them i start changing them around until i can distance myself enough from them to be able to write about someone else's experiences instead of my own

3. Do you start writing from the beginning or somewhere else? yes, i usually do

4. What is the most difficult for you about writing? connecting scenes. i never know when to write something out or to sum it up in one sentence and just dive into the next scene. it confuses me to no end

5. What is the hardest part about creating characters for you? my characters tend to come very naturally to me. they're born out of necessity for the plot and thus are fitted to it. i guess what is most difficult for me is reminding myself of the fact that all my charas have a live outside of the plot, except for my protagonist and usually have more than just that one (1) friend

6. What are the themes of your wip and what do they mean to you? both my wips deal with questions of morality, loyalty and autonomy and those are all themes that i spend a lot of my free time thinking about and/or that are very important personally. especially autonomy was always something that i was taught to value as a child and that my parents value a lot as well, even more than most germans which is saying something.

7. What books/movies/series whatever inspired or influenced your current wip the most? i honestly don't know. they're both not consciously inspired by specific media although i don't doubt that i was influenced by a lot of different works

8. What would be the biggest appreciation of your work for you? if someone loved it. if someone would read it not just once but then again just bc they felt like it and wanted to insert themselves into the world again. if someone would love the characters and bond with them. if my work meant something personal to someone.

9. Why did you choose to write this wip and not something else? What’s so special about it? my fantasy novel: i wanted to do a collab with a friend of mine whom i've known for a while now and she only writes fantasy so i thought it would be a good excuse to try myself out in the genre my drama novel: i honestly don't know. i can't even remember how the idea came to me but suddenly i was heads deep in a 1960's period drama about a gay dude and social pressure. i guess it was the way i write it, as minimal as possible, that appealed most to me

10. What kind of scenes do you not want to write/don’t enjoys writing but can’t get around them? scenes where i don't know what's going to happen plotwise but only the feeling that i want to get across

11. What part of the writing process is your favourite? (Coming up with the idea, thinking, outlining, researching, writing itself, editing, reading what you have written, etc) worldbuilding and creating characters bc i get to enjoy the creative process without worrying too much about perfection and editing bc it's meditative and bc i feel proud for completing my draft and don't have to worry about still having to write anything out. but i also love reading what i’ve already written! i guess in the end i have fun with all the parts lmao

#ghostly gabbing #tagging games #me #took me long enough to get to it lmao

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laughingdarkdreams · 5 years

Text

Really long post

A real life description of roughly 24 hours of my life.

2:54 AM I am scared. I don't want to be scared, but I am. I am constantly panicking. I am constantly afraid. I want to be safe. I want to feel safe, but I don't. All the time, day or night, I am hurting like this. This is just the time of day when the bad thoughts come. Fearful, phobic things that tell lies to me. Lies about me not being safe. About my health, about my safety, about things happening that I cannot control or help. This is an everyday thing for me but tonight I guess it just hurts. I'm waiting for my girlfriend to wake up. I want to be with her. I always want to be with her. Things aren't always perfect, she has a lot of problems of her own, and she has a ton of pessimism that makes it difficult for her to imagine anything beyond what she has, but I try to keep her happy, and I try to be there for her. I'm not a better person because of her or anything, I'm still me, but she is the future that I want to be part of. The future that I really wish I could believe in. I'm scared. I'm scared that I might not have a future at all. My phobias are horrible. I hate living like this. I want to live without fear. I really, really do.

3:17 AM Playing games and listening to a video in the background. A bit more calm now. Still scared, but distracted. There are nice people around, and the games are fun. It's more fun than playing single player stuff when I do talk with people, provided they don't mention anything that makes me anxious. There isn't much to eat around here. I don't think I eat well I don't think I eat healthily I wish I had money enough to not worry about food. I wish I wasn't didn't have to worry about things in general. I feel like crying still. Things are better than before though.

4:45 AM Talked with a very nice person for a while. They are a good friend. I miss my girlfriend still. I don't like being afraid. I feel a lot less afraid now. I want to be okay.

4:56 AM Watching videos is fun. I do it to help keep my anxiety down. If there is a person narrating it, or if it is engaging enough, I don't have to think of my fears. I try to be okay. My moms boyfriend will wake up soon, and he will likely watch the news. I am terrified of leaving my room at these times. My anxiety rises as morning approaches because of that. It is also the reason why my room is the only room in the house I feel safe. I wish I always felt as safe as I do in my room. Even though that is dependent on not seeing bad things and random panic.

5:23 AM In an hour or two, my girlfriend will wake up. I miss her. Being panicky isn't fun. I love my girlfriend.

5:52 AM Things are incredibly boring right now. I've already read all of the manga that I am interested in, and nothing new seems to be updating or showing up. Playing games got boring, and I'm not up to playing single player. My general moods are fear, boredom, or a bit of mild entertainment. I wonder when the last time I actually had a fun day was? As in, a full day of genuinely enjoying what happened.

6:15 AM My girlfriend is awake. I'm glad she's here. I missed her a lot. I remembered it is supposed to be stormy today, and I'm not looking forward to that. Storms are one of my phobias. I'm not happy with this, but I will do my best to be okay.

6:27 AM My moms boyfriend is awake. I can hear him in the living room, and he is probably going to turn on the TV with the news or weather soon. I don't want to hear those things. He won't care what it does to me, and I will be mostly locked out of the living room for the next couple of hours because of it. I need to use the bathroom, and I won't be able to for a long while after this, it seems.

6:31 AM My moms boyfriend was watching the news and it was talking about the weather. I hate the news. I hate the weather. I'm afraid. It told me nothing new, but even hearing people talk in newscaster voices scares me. This does mean that I'm scared of hearing sports and walking by some cooking shows will give me some panic. It's stupid, but I am conditioned to be afraid of the news because of my anxiety. God forbid that I live in a place where people have a shred of consideration for the people around them. He has a TV in his room. Every channel he watches on TV has a chance to give me anxiety, with the exception of the few times he watches a movie or cooking show. God I hate that.

6:42 AM I am hungry. I can't leave my room to use the bathroom, eat, to walk for a minute because I'm tired of sitting down, or to talk with my mom or siblings who live with me. I hate this. For at least an hour I won't be able to go out of my room because of the news. Maybe longer.

7:09 AM A plane passed by and my anxiety ridden brain thought "it's a storm siren" when I knew it was just a plane. Thanks brain. A sharp increase in heart rate was just what I needed to start feeling like I am going to throw up. It's probably just because I am both hungry and anxious. I'm always like that though. I would say that with 0 being "no anxiety" and 5 being "the lower limits of what I can't handle" that I am at a 1 right now. This is the least fear I can feel, and it is still like this. I never have days that are 0's. 0 is a hypothetical thing for me, as I am always afraid.

7:17 AM Thought to mention my 1-5 thing in this journal-ish-thing that I am working on. I have a way to gauge my amount of anxiety, and I keep it on a 1-5. 1 is "I am able to easily be distracted from my anxiety." 2 is "I am having trouble being distracted from my anxiety." 3 is "I am having a panic attack." 4 is "I am at the upper limits of what I can handle, if it goes above this, I will face psychological trauma" 5 is "the lower limits of what I cannot handle, I will be traumatized after this, and I will be very, very hurt for a long time" I have survived about 3-6 5's, but they are all horrific incidents that I don't like thinking of. I can go through something that isn't specifically directly on a number, such as a 2.5, where I would be having trouble being distracted from my fears, and my fears are big enough to be considered panic attacks, but aren't directly a full on panic attack from my point of view. A "half panic attack". I am expecting that because of the weather, that is what today will end up as. The start of this journal was a 2.

7:38 AM I need to use the bathroom and get a drink again. I'm also hungry, but I don't have anything to eat. I'm terrified of opening my door, because my moms boyfriend might be in the living room watching the news or weather. If I go out there and he is, this 1 will spike to a 2 or 3 immediately depending on what I happen to hear.

7:48 AM I still haven't gone to the bathroom. I am procrastinating because I am afraid of what might be out there. It might be nothing. My moms boyfriend might have gone to bed. I don't know. I don't like this.

7:56 AM I walked outside for a second after using the bathroom. The sky was gray and there were lots of birds chirping. Could easily be because it was early morning, but I thought something bad and now I am at a 2. This would still be considered a normal day/morning.

8:13 AM I calmed myself down. I'm back to the usual 1.

9:06 AM My mom woke up and I talked to her. I asked if she would take my card and buy some stuff I needed to cook a meal or two if I could afford it. I also asked her to check the weather for me, because I can't check weather apps on my own without seeing news about big scary weather stuff when I just wanna know if it'll storm in my area or not for the next week. The storm for today that used to be stronger is now predicted to be calm showers. I am immensely calmer, and feel almost lightheaded because of all the stress leaving me at once. I am back at a 1, and 1.5 will probably be the worst it gets today.

9:36 AM My girlfriend had sent me a sort of webcomic without words named Tellurion (by Matt Rhodes) and it was amazing. It felt like an animated adventure movie. I loved it. It was nice. I'm glad she shared something that she liked with me to make me happy. I love her.

10:04 AM Playing games again. None of my friends are online, but it's still fun enough. People are nice enough in the game. I am surprisingly well liked here. To be fair, I do like most of the people here well enough. The game is fun enough, and simple.

11:42 AM Bored. Nothing is happening. I'm feeling a little bit tired. I don't entirely feel like sleeping, but I don't feel like doing anything else. I've been reading manga, and I guess I'll watch videos and lie down to be more passive. Haven't decided to sleep yet, but I guess I'll do so at some point soon enough.

12:53 PM I am resting now. I've had a lot of nightmares the past couple of weeks. I hope I don't have another.

11:20 PM I slept for a very long time. I haven't slept well lately, so that's probably why. I'm alright today though, as I didn't have a nightmare.

1:24 AM I talked with my girlfriend for a while, and it was nice. She wasn't feeling well, so I comforted her as best as I could. I love her. I want her to feel better soon. She went to bed at the end of the conversation, so I'll have to wait for her to wake up again. I'll miss her until she's here again.

4:15 AM I am bored, sitting in my room, and I suppose that's where I'll end this journal. Little bit over 24 hours, and it was a pretty normal day for me. I'll play some game or another, I'll have a bit of fear randomly, I'll be annoyed about a thing or two, and it'll repeat. Yesterday was okay. I hope today is too. That's my life, I guess.

#Me #My actual life #This is NOT a call for help #This isn't me being depressed #It's just a normal day and I wanted to write a journal #I'm fine

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starrystarrygames · 5 years

Text

Game Dev Log #2

Hi, Qi here, writing a dev log in my turn for the first time. If you find something odd, it’s a little bit of joke.

Eh what? This is only the second one and it’s been over a year since last update?

Hmm, sorry about the delay. And long time no post on Weibo and Twitter either… Not a procrastinator! We are just getting things more ready for a showcase, whatever… Well, forget it!

Anyway, let’s get back with a passion for the log.

Now let’s talk about our latest internal demo. pause Yes, we made it here with all this hard work, a complete demo version! It’s internal, not for players yet… Disappointed? No worries, a public demo will be right after that.

Thanks for Waiting: A Guidebook of Babel

ahem Thanks for the demo, this is our first step on Babel. We plan to reach the deck before the Monsoon. By the way, please do not try to get aboard by yourself! The only choice you can make is flying puffer. Pardon? What is a flying puffer? Well, please check it out in our previous posts! Found nothing? Oh… Sorry. I’ll add a reminder. Thanks.

The Monsoon

We have designed a episode here to test on gameplay and playability. The episode features Mr Javet, the coach of the Swimmers, and Mr Tomas, the mysterious guy. Welcome. And, in addition, Mr Breath. Come, Mr Breath, up to the stage. Don’t be shy, come.

Qi: Mr Tomas, introduce yourself and your story in the act.

Tomas: Oh, my pleasure. I must keep my secret identity for now, hehe… I came to the deck seeking the parts, which is, hehehe… Phew. That was close. No more spoilers since Mr Javet is here.

Tomas on a Secret Mission

Qi: Al-alright… So, Mr Javet, it’s your turn.

Javet: The Swimmers received a search order for an incident on the deck. And then, huh, as I expected. When you smell something fishy, humph.

Qi: It’s usually THE Tomas?

Javet: Exactly. It was him. Dammit…

Unexpected on the Deck

Qi: Okay. Thank you all, And good luck to Mr Javet. Next, Mr Breath? What the heck. Has anyone seen Mr Breath?

Er… Thanks. In brief, we will witness a hide-and-seek game of Mr. Javet and Mr. Tomas in the demo. You can play the part of Tomas and try to escape from the Swimmers. While our unfortunate Mr Breath, another protagonist in the whole story, has always been involved in many incidents. No exception this time.

“Mr Key” — Breath

I said we built the demo for gameplay test, right? So you think your hundred-hour experience from adventure game puzzles would probably help? However, we are glad to remind you of the “Mission Failed” popup.

Confused? Hey, remember the hint from our narrator, Mr Antoine. Note the clues! Every clue exists for some reason. Imagine how to manipulate the story, which is the important thing. Yes, the key that underlies these stages — Butterfly Effect! Make use of it, and their fate is right on your fingertips!

Clues and Events Recorded in the Guidebook

That’s it. Refresh your mind and take it as an all-new experience instead of a cliché!

On our side, this demo truly means a form of our gameplay, scenario, art style and game framework. It is our base standard for further development, rather than just a 20-minute prototype demo. All the time we spent proved to be worthy…

Well, we did experience a frustration in the last year. Forget about it. The previous demo was so messy that we spent four months to get it right!… Uh? Didn’t I mention the previous version? Really?… Jeez, screwed up… I didn’t mean to make a disillusion.

Finally, a Simple Makeup

Well… It’s impossible to stay out of any trouble. Fortunately we have settled the matter. Thanks for the critical advice from our friends. Thanks a lot, really.

One more thing. Based on our story structure, a more detailed and refined scenario is in progress. You want some leaks? Hey, I’m not a spoiler, and I’m good at keeping secret! In a few words? Okay, a few words… The full story would be tightly packed… Does it make any sense? Forgive me.

Challenges and difficulties, umm… Funds, and… Crew member, probably. Of course, we do like new teammates! But funds also matter. We are welcoming! Or maybe crowdfunding… ahem Necessary for advertising. Good luck to me. Frankly, we don’t want to take too long time, but most of all, quality is the point. Don’t worry.

Focus on Development! Or an Irritated Little Will!

That’s all. Writing a dev log like this is unexpectedly relaxing for me, surprised. Oh, don’t forget my own profession! It was like I had almost switched to a full-time blogger!

So much for today. Thanks for reading. We would be appreciated if you like it. I’ll put aside my keyboard and grab my pen tablet. May inspiration flash on Babel! Have a nice day!

#Indiegame #indiedev #AGuidebookOfBabel

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laniakeabooks · 5 years

Text

April Wrap-Up

So, I got wayyyyy more reading done this month than I thought I would since it’s finals month for those of us in university. I read a total of 26(!!!!) books this month all the while stressing the fuck out about exams and shit. You might be thinking, hey, at least it’s summer now! AHAHHAHAH yeah well my dumbass signed up for calculus and chemistry so FML.

Also, fun fact, I discovered that Leon Kennedy from the Resident Evil franchise is my new bae and yeah basically I love him. I mean look at this face:

ANYWAY. Onto the books.

Four star reads:

Hot Pterodactyl Boyfriend - Full review linked!

Mamotte! Lollipop Volume 1 - I loved this manga as a kid and read it over and over again. I never found the following volumes (because I didn’t know what online shopping was back then… ahhhh… innocence), but I now have all seven volumes and I will read them aLL GOD DAMNIT!

Three star reads:

The Princess Diaries - Fun, quirky… just what I needed to get my mind off of the stress of finals month.

Scrooge #worstgiftever - a classic told through texts… obviously written by a person trying to hard to be shoulder- I mean hip.

A Midsummer Night #nofilter - again, another classic written in texts, obviously trying too hard. I did actually understand the actual plot though, which doesn’t usually happen when it comes to Shakespeare.

Frostbite - I really enjoy this series, but the narrator for the audiobooks is sooooooo annoying, so that kind of ruined the parts of the books I listened to.

Vampire Academy: The Graphic Novel - I love seeing adaptations of books I read in any format. The art was nice, and it offered a nice recap of the first book.

Frostbite: The Graphic Novel - again, nice art. Like all adaptations, it didn’t match the source material to the T, but really, I don’t mind. Like!

Journey Through Time - yesssss space and science… my two loves. Through the mention of superfluids in the book, I naturally had to look up some videos on the YouTube (seriously, superfluids are fucking cool), went down the internet-science rabbit hole, and ended up learning how to make bismuth crystals from Pepto Bismol. YEAH SCIENCE!

Famous in Love - fun, fluffy romance set in any fangirl’s dream. Read it in a day while procrastinating my studies (because fINALS ARE STRESSFUL OKAY????).

Mammote! Lollipop Volume 2 to Volume 7 - You know what? I had fun. Nothing I haven’t seen before and it’s a bit childish, but granted, the characters are around 12 years of age soooooo to be expected. Buuuuut I finally finished this series after loving it since I was 12 years old myself so partayyyyyy!

Drink, Slay, Love - didn’t go where I thought it would go, but then again, who likes predictable books? (Okay some people might) You like brutal vampires and unicorns? This book is for you.

The Darwin Awards, Vol 1: Evolution in Action - dumb ways to die, but real. I listened to it when I was studying for my genetics exam (evolution has to do with genetics I was beING A GOOD STUDENT OKAY) and it was like my very own DNA helicase (;D please tell me someone else gets this and I’m not a massive loser)

I Woke Up Dead at the Mall - so we get that whole evil step-mother and a forbidden romance arc which is a little much but fine. Meh it did it’s job and entertained me... I don’t really know what else there is to say.

My Super Sweet Sixteenth Century - although main character Cat is annoying as fuck and hates her future step mother for no reason except for the fact she’s a happy person (like bitch we get it you’re a pessimist, but don’t drag others down with you), I was entertained which is the whole point of reading for me.

Cook Country ICU: 30 Years of Unforgettable Cases and Odd Patients - so Dr. Franklin straight up admitted to unethical conduct (as if it were no big deal, which it is) that would make any scientist cringe and me veryyyyyy uncomfortable... but other than that, it was an interesting read.

Radiance and Shimmer - ghost hunting ghost? Sure, why not.

Two star reads:

YOLO Juliet - okay, well first of all, I don’t like Romeo and Juliet. I don’t appreciate the romanticizing of suicide (surprise, surprise, it’s not romantic, it’s horrible). But, at least this time around I actually understood what the hell was going on because it’s written in (try hard) text format. Still don’t like the story though.

Soulstruck - yeah... was not impressed. Main character Rachel was whinny, plain annoying and inconsiderate of those in her life. Plot? I don’t really know what it was exactly. There was a lot of filler. Anyway, took me 3ish weeks to read (maybe because of exams, maybe because it was boring) but I’m just glad it’s over.

Number of books read: 26 (WOOOOOO!!!!)

Number of pages read: 6306

Average rating: 3/5

Average number of pages per book: 242.5

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meanderfall · 7 years

Note

//tornadoes thru ur window, completely shattering the glass: for the writer meme, 5 - 6 - 8 - 10 - 15 - 21 - 25 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 34 - 36 - 39 - 45 - 47 - 48 - 49 - aaaand 50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you're like, "okay, i'll write you down u little fucker"? ALSO IM AWARE THIS IS A LOT, LMAOOO

LDJF;KFGSKGF ADRI MY LOVE, MY WIFE, MY KNIGHT, MY SUN AND MOON, THANK YOU OMG, I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A NOVEL OF AN ANSWER LMAO

5. How much writing do you get done on an average day?

LMAO I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS CALCULATED PER HOUR just bc that’s how long my train ride is. So I can do about 400-500 words in 50~ minutes.anyway tbh, I write almost never, but when I do, I try to get around 1000 words done??? that’s usually when i lose steam too. (though i guess if i did 500 word spurts instead throughout the day, i’d get more done) (TO CLARIFY, the only reason it’s so much is bc i only write when I know /exactly/ what the scene is gonna be and im motivated. if u sat my ass down in front of a computer each day and told me to write, I’d probably only get 100 in two hours, less even.)

6. Single or multiple POV?

I’m a multiple pov hoe. I’ve thought before of writing something in entirely one pov, but tbh i dont think i could do it if the thing is longer that a 2000 word one shot.

8. Oldest WIP

I HAD TO PULL OUT MY USB FOR THIS GODDAMN

Okay so, my oldest wip ever, is an original story I started in, I think, 2011 and wrote throughout the year. It’s got about 22k words down, but tbh i dont think im ever gonna touch it again.fanfic-wise, my oldest wip is a harvest moon fanfic, that’s around 6k words i think? and i was planning on re-writing it bc i didnt like the characterization of one of the characters and i wanted to fix that, but it’s been like five years now, i dont think it’s ever gonna be done. (I still want to though). (and u can find said wip on my fanfiction.net account)

10. Do you set yourself deadlines?

My guy, i’ve never set a deadline for myself in my entire life. I think I tried to do it once, and i completely let it pass by. (Though the fanfic i mentioned previously, im pretty sure i updated once a week before i fucked up)

15. How do you deal with writer’s block?

I either set it aside (and never pick it up again lmao) and let it stew in the back of my mind until I get something else, oR I POWER THROUGH THIS MOTHERFUCKER, and I’ll probably only write 50 words and hate every single last one of them, but I got it done and it’s better than nothing and hopefully tomorrow i’ll actually have something. (also, sometimes when powering through, what i write ends up inspiring me and im like “oh of course!” and i blaze through it)

21. Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?in case u havent noticed yet, about 99% of all my characters are snarky to some degree. I need a character with a wry sense of humour, and I’ll usually stay in their pov a lot. The only other character “type” I have are the sunshine pure cinnamon rolls who care and love everyone. Oh, and I guess also the ones who are pissed and bitter at the world at large. (I should.... probably... try to get out of this comfort zone...)

25. Favourite part of writing

okay tbh, my favourite part is when I’m winding down from a good writing session, and I just feel so proud and alive, because I was productive and I created something with my own two hands and mind, and there are very few things that are as incredible as that imo

27. Favourite line/scene

okay so this was hard to pick??? not to mention it’s all crap you’ve seen before but whatever.

There’s this one:

“McCreewas abruptly reminded of when he was nothing more than a teen, snarling andfurious at everyone around him, not willing to trust anyone. And he wasreminded of Gabriel Reyes who stayed calm and collected in front of his fury,gently rebuking him when he crossed a line; who praised him when he did welland willingly trusted him to have his back even though McCree didn’t trust him;who seemed to quietly understand why McCree acted in certain ways, accepted it,but encouraged him to choose better. Gabriel Reyes, who had faith in him whenhe wasn’t even sure he liked himself.“

And this one:

“IfWash’s head was a ghost town, then the Meta’s was a fucking wasteland.

Butthe worst part wasn’t the scorched earth and completely lifeless landscape, norwas it the stormy brown clouds above. No, the worst part was the lava that wasslowly inching its way up the mountain. It bubbled and simmered an awful sicklyorange as it creeped up bit by bit, not fast at all, but inexorably to the topof the mountain, going against all laws of physics. It was so awfully wrongthat he honestly felt sick witnessing it. Not helping was the sizzles it madeas it burned through whatever little vegetation there was and (he had no ideawhy he knew this, maybe it was because he was connected to the Meta’s brain?),it felt like the lava was actually gouging the earth, opening cracks andseeping inside, corrupting and destroying what lay within.

Wasthe Meta even a person anymore?”

(I proooobably would’ve picked something from the tuckington au but.... a lot of my favourite stuff is dialogue, or snarky narration, and idk it’s hard to choose and there aint a lot of depth to it)

28. Favourite side character

OKAY THERE’S THIS ONE SIDE CHARACTER IN ONE MY ORIGINAL STORY IDEAS WHOM I ADORE (even though he has no name yet lmao) BUT HE’S BASICALLY REALLY SWEET AND CARING AND HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE HAPPY AND SUPPORTIVE FOR ALL HIS COMPANIONS BC THEY’RE ALL GOING THROUGH HARD TIMES, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD FOR HIM AND HE’S INWARDLY SUFFERING SO MUCH BUT HE KEEPS SMILING FOR PEOPLE ANYWAY AND FLDG;DKHGFKG I LOVE HIM

29. Favourite villain

I’m... cheating for this, I’ve never written a villain ever actually (and tbh what the fuck??? how??? i have so many original story ideas and none of them are villains??? what the fuck (maybe the true villains were the friends we made along the way))

okay so, originally, this character was gonna be the villain alright. She was mean, cruel, snarky, cunning, and manipulative. But as time went on, and I started exploring her character, wondering why she was like this, what her goal is, and I changed and shifted the plot of the story around she... sort of... became the main character. woops.

30. Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

IM ONLY GONNA USE ORIGINAL STORIES FOR THIS BC HOLY SHIT

Honestly, I’d probably have to go with this idea I had of a living person picking up the scythe of a Grim Reaper and becoming one and having to learn the ropes of the job.

Okay, I lied, it might actually be this detective series idea I had, wherein the main character, a police officer, has to investigate cases that, for the most part, are reminiscent, or re-imagined versions, of Quebec folk tales, and she has to figure out why the fuck this is happening.

34. What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

FIGHTING AND ACTION SCENES I HATE THEM SO MUCH OH MY GOD THEY TAKE FOREVER AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IM FUCKING THEM UP HORRIBLY I HATE THEM (I could give u a specific example, but i dont want to)

36. Last sentence you wrote

“Shut up.”

(this is actually how chapter 2 of my tuckington high school au ends lmao and there’s nothing to gain from it have fun adri)

39. Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

OH SHIT I ACTUALLY KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, okay so the i have no clue where the idea came from, but for some reason i had this idea of a character who’s mental stability or whatever was linked to these bracelets she wore??? but it was more like she became more primal and animalistic the more bracelets were taken off until she lost all sense of identity, and i think it’s because she was being controlled or used by an organization or whatever. This was just a random idea that I had and okay i know it’s dark af, but it’s honestly the weirdest one. (tbh…. im not sure i have one that could be considered weird…)

45. How much world building do you do?

all of it. just. all of it. I need to know clothes, food, architecture, cultural norms, the history of the world, how the fuck people can communicate when there are multiple countries and multiple languages, and this is why absolutely none of my original stuff has ever been written

47. Best way to procrastinate

Day-dreaming scenes and ideas instead of writing them

48. What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

W O W ADRI U WANNA CALL ME OUT THAT BADLY HUH?

honestly it’s probably that main character/villain i mentioned previously, bc i just gave her all of my self-loathing and she was supposed to sacrifice herself heroically in the end and there was gonna be an entire speech about why she was the right person to do this. (if it makes u feel any better, I’ve modified it so she doesn’t actually die and everyone is like “wtf? NO!”)

also the protagonist in story, i just gave her my depression and general lostness in life. (most... of my characters... start off with a part of me I want to explore, but over time, as I flesh them out, they become their own people, and actually have nothing to do with me anymore tbh)

49. Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

THAT SWEET CINNAMON ROLL I MENTIONED BEFORE OMG YES, I WOULD PROTECT HIM WITH MY LIFE

50: how long do you usually let an idea fester in your mind before you’re like, “okay, i’ll write you down u little fucker”?

*LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY* OH MAN ADRI U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE JUST ASKED DO U OMG WAIT UNTIL U HEAR THIS

okay so u know that story with the cinnamon roll and main character/villain? The basic plot of that story has been in my brain since around 2011. I still haven’t started to write it. (though, to be fair, that story has changed so goddamn much since 2012 holy shit, and for the better tbh)

tbh adri, ur like 80% of my impulse control, and by that I mean you make me impulsive enough to actually write things instead of letting them ruminate in my brain forevermore. Hell, I’ve only started to get back into writing fanfiction because of you, okay, if u weren’t around I’d probably just give up on writing ever, and let the idea of being a novelist be nothing more but a fantasy i daydream about.

#aroacedrienne #about

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eagles-translated · 3 years

Note

Okay, so I had a couple of things to say. Thank you so much for the subs and your contribution to the Eagles Fandom!

Secondly, I loved your predictions and have been thinking about it a lot after watching episode 4.

While Amie and Elias are on their non-date-that's-actually-a-date, Amie is talking about the movie, and Elias explains to her that in the first movie there's a couple and everyone thinks they are endgame, but the sequel makes them question that...

Do you think this is foreshadowing to Ludde's and Felicia not actually being endgame and breaking up?

Thank you for watching the show with my subtitles and enjoying my prediction posts! This answer got pretty long and turned into a speculation post about Felicia's anxiety, but I hope that's alright lmao.

I definitely had this thought as well, since immediately after the scene where Felicia and Ludde are fighting we cut to Amie and Elias having this conversation. It seemed a bit on the nose too, so while your theory could absolutely be plausible I think it's just as likely that it's a red herring and they're trying to throw us off.

I mean, we've had all these "clues" that hint towards them breaking up soon (this conversation, Ludde wanting to study music in London and Felicia wanting to stay in Oskarshamn, and just all the underlying problems they have even when they apologize to each other). Maybe we're supposed to think that they're on their way to a break-up, but they'll instead work through their problems. We did see Ludde at least try to help Felicia with her anxieties a little in the first scene of episode 5 (I won't spoil it if you haven't seen it yet).

Anyway, they just spent most of season 2 being broken up and it would get really repetitive if they broke up again. I'm hoping Ludde helps Felicia with this but I'm sure it's not an easy task when she's shutting him out and when Ludde isn't understanding her worries.

Personally, I feel like they're not a great match for each other. I saw this tweet from @MissSarcasmg which summed up my thoughts perfectly:

I know Felicia struggles with addiction, trauma and has mental health issues but she's so co-dependent on Ludde and often isolates herself with him that its hit toxic real quick. He's lost his voice constantly walking on eggshells.

I think this really rings true for Felicia. It was sort of the same with Jack—when they got together she seemed to get a lot better than before (but of course there were always underlying issues, same as with Ludde).

Felicia is very co-dependent on her partner(s) from what we've seen and when they hurt her, her mental health seems to plummet drastically. It's understandable why considering what both Ludde and Jack did to her. The problem is just how she handles it by turning to drugs, and Ludde getting angry at her (which is also understandable, to be honest) isn't helping. I feel like the best thing for Felicia is to not be in a relationship right now, get into therapy, and just stay away from parties for a while. Nothing good ever seems to come out of her going to parties and clubs, to be honest.

Her living on her own isn't a good idea either because she's so isolated and she's expressed how she wants to stay in Oskarshamn forever without any dreams, holding both herself and Ludde back. She won't even talk about it with anyone—when Mats said that Elias was doing something with his life she just got quiet and when Ludde tried to tell her about the school, she went off on him saying she didn't want to hear it. It's so frustrating that Ludde procrastinated on telling her the news and when he finally tried to, she raises her voice at him and says she can't talk about it.

Her anxiety over the future is really hurting her and I think her getting that apartment was a pretty bad choice too. I feel like she and Ludde moved in together too fast and this apartment is holding her back further.

She's trying to escape the future but it keeps approaching and she refuses to stop and listen. This wish she has of her and Ludde staying together in Oskarshamn is just unrealistic, but she does have anxiety and these thoughts are present not just with Felicia but people struggling with anxiety in real life as well.

Ludde is probably not going to pass up an offer to study music production, so if he actually gets in he's probably out of Oskarshamn. And that's okay. He's lived in this small town his whole life, and he probably wants to get out to see the world and follow his dreams. It's not fair of Felicia to want to hold him back because she's been around the world herself (most likely, since she's an influencer and all).

Amie probably isn't staying in Oskarshamn after graduation, either. She came back with the purpose to finish high school but she has big dreams and ambitions, and she's obviously destined for greater things. She might find her way back to Stockholm or even the US after graduating.

I think it's the same for Elias. He's tried to get out of Oskarshamn so many times. Yes, he was the one who decided to go back to Eagles, but we hear him narrating in the first trailer saying:

There's something about this town... No matter what we want to do—no matter how much we want to get out of here—we always end up here anyway.

Elias clearly isn't meant to stay in Oskarshamn. He says so himself, and he feels like he's "taken a step back". From the season description we also know he's trying to figure out who he is outside of hockey. Maybe he finds a new purpose in life.

The point is—everybody close to her is probably going to leave. She would only have Mats and her apartment left.

I know anxiety over the future is really tough to deal with. I've known a lot of people who felt the same way as Felicia is feeling and this storyline is really realistic with the way Felicia is trying to escape the future.

However, the way she's dealing with it by lashing out is just not good for herself or anyone around her. She needs to deal with it sooner or later, and I'm hoping she will with Ludde helping her. Otherwise, she will probably lose him.

Realistically their relationship would be heading to an end with all this piled on top of Felicia's drug problems, but since this is a TV show and they're supposed to be the main couple we might see them stay together. Sort of like they'll come through against all odds.

I definitely think they're heading towards a really rough patch in their relationship, though. It remains to be seen!

#eagles-translated asks #eagles svt #svt eagles #eaglesspoilers #felicia kroon #ludvig johansson

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evelyntransitions-blog · 7 years

Text

Day 3ish

Yesterday was full of unexpected surprises. It started off with school, and I presumed that we’d start picking topics for our argumentative essay that’s coming up and start writing. Instead I was met with the lovely surprise of movie day. I never expected to get a “random” movie day in college, but it happened. We got to watch a video on fracking and were told to take notes on the narrators arguments and if they were good or not good and do an online journal assignment. This was much easier than starting an essay. After school I decided to spend more time Pokemon hunting while I still had free time, before I got into it however I went home to clean my room, make lunch/dinner and change over my laundry. Bam! A wild new surprise appeared. My mom had went out of her way to clean my room, do my laundry and cook food, left by sticky notes with smile faces on them. She received a promt “THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU” later that day. The Pokemon hunting/raiding adventure that I partook on was generally the same as always, hatch some eggs, look for good Pokemon that are examined with the breathtaking and stat exceeding traits and meet up with the raid group. The good news was that I was able to evolve my Chansey into a Blissey after getting enough rare candies, and also managed to get a Bannet with good stats that I named “Cheshire” because of the Cheshire Cat grin from Lewis Carolls Alice in Wonderland. The bad news took form in another unexpected surprise; one of the raiders in my group, a middle aged mom had asked why my profile pic for the raid chat was female and why I had (what’s looked at in Murica’ as) a girls name (Evelyn). The middle aged mom stated something along the lines of it being unfair and not very nice, due to it being misleading. With some of the members of our raid group staring at me I blurted out without thinking “Oh i’m transitioning to female.” There was a short awkward silence followed by the mom saying “Oh that makes it a little bit better.” this was followed with a conversation of me trying to justify having a beard (i’m dressing up as Jesus for halloween and using the humour of the costume to bypass the dysphoria of the beard itself. Being able to laugh at yourself seems to make things easier, plus might as well give my beard a going away party) and her saying something like “Yeah a beard wouldn’t work well with a girl.” I was both flattered by her gendering me correctly, but also a little annoyed because some girls out there may like beards. If a person wants to identify as female, or are just born cis female and they want to grow a beard, that’s cool, if it makes them happy and they present it with confidence, that action within itself is attractive in it’s own right. Nevertheless she’s entitled to her opinion *shrugs*, I can’t change what she finds attractive, though I wish she wasn’t so nosey. After the raid was done I promptly drove back home, but before I exited the parking lot we were in she said goodbye Evelyn, which may seem normal, but the group itself hardly refers to anyone by their names directly, only to talk about how great or silly someone is, it’s this weird formality that just kind developed. So her saying my name directly may have been a polite gesture, i’d hope so, either way not everyone in the county knows me by Evelyn and for some reason i’ve got a reputation here because of all the silly shit I do, so hopefully this doesn’t come back to bite me. When I got home I got a text from my best friend with plans to hangout late overnight, I told him that i’d be taking a short nap and he could just call me. I set an alarm just in case as a fail-safe. Furthermore I took the dankest mini nap of my life, my cool ass cat chillin’ up by my arms, had chillhop playing in the background, all the good shit. I woke before the alarm went off about an hour and a half later and turned my alarm off and sat at the computer, just taking in the music and just letting it further fill the room and deciding to leave it on. The peace was interrupted by my parents arguing about my Dad working too many hours at his job. Now, my parents are in excellent finical standing with more money than the bills, while they’re just getting done paying off their debt. *THIS PART DOESN’T HAVE TO DO WITH MY DAY BUT PROVIDES SOME BACKGROUND AS TO MY SITUATION WITH MY PARENTS*

The problem more lies with two major things. Supporting me to some extent living here, which is one of the reasons i’m moving. The other thing lies in my Dad’s past where as a child he was put in a not so good situation ( I won’t say what out of respect for his personal privacy), and had to work his ass off just to get away from his own father and make something of himself. He tries to cope with this by making himself seem stronger than he is, flaunting his ego and making connections with people in high places. By the very nature of his personality and hard work ethic this has led him to the top of the food chain so to speak. This has also led to him not being able to deal with me, a person who takes shit personally and has this weird uncontrollable fear of doing new things, which is just stated as part of my anxiety. If I do things i’ll get distracted or make dumb mistakes at best and at worst will avoid doing them at all. This is not to be confused with laziness or procrastination, it’s ABOSLUTE FEAR. He’s hated my inability to be coherent in the past, maybe out of concern for me and/or feeling like he’s not in control of situations presented to him. This has led to a lot of yelling from him, and by default over time the indoctrination of my mom yelling alongside him (she had a very similar background but without the ego). This in the past had me being a cross between manipulative shithead who lied all the time to get away from bullshit, and an avoidant recluse who spent all their time playing video games. I’m now in the future and trying to do everything possible to get my lack on track between school, getting a promotion, transitioning (it’s sort of like working 2 jobs because I work in two departments) doing volunteer work, and now moving out. With all this in mind, they got into it over my Dad working too many hours and not taking care of himself. This isn’t all due to him but also his employer who I won’t state the name of not respecting him despite him busting his ass for the company. My mom being both lonely over me moving out and not being home very much due to wanting to escape from being inside to combat depression and also not feel trapped due to some mental things that I won’t explain here and my Dad working all the time. She got on my Dad’s case about him working too much and he jumped to the defensive being the breadwinner (though my mom makes a good amount of money too, and I also pay for rent, insurance and most of my food). *THIS PART IS BACK TO MY DAY*

The argument my parents had start as a “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!” argument in reguards to my Dad’s job and lead to a “I’M NOT MAD AT YOU, I JUST FEEL HELPLESS BUT I’M GOING TO EXPLAIN IT THROUGH ANGER.” argument. In short my mom just wanted to spend time with him and quit his job or do something else and he felt hopeless because all he knows about coping with anything is through work (with the occasional party). I believe the adult fear of having to go back to having less is what got him the most, that he regressing being on the bottom and starting with nothing scared him so much that it led to his outlandish anger. The fear of not being in control of a situation being a bonus. (This also happens outside of financial situations and just normal situations as well. Even ones that have nothing to do with my success or the success of him or mom.) The argument itself of just dissolved into this passive angry stew and then there was silence. I got a message about ten minutes later from my best friend that he arrived and I told him to just come to the door, that if I answered things might get hairy. Having to deal with many of these scenarios before, he did just that and we got ready to leave. Before I left I told my Mom that I loved her and asked her if anything was wrong (it obviously was, but I was wanting to see if she needed to talk). She lied and said it was fine and waved goodbye. After this me and my best friend headed off into the night.

#evelyntransitions #trans #transgender

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