#also not to make it into a Thing but if you can't see aroace-ness as inherently queer then I don't even know how to talk to you

[theartofangirling]

I heard someone call barbie disappointingly heterosexual and I've never disagreed with anything more strongly in my life

#i don't know how you don't see it it's right there!!!!!! #also not to make it into a Thing but if you can't see aroace-ness as inherently queer then I don't even know how to talk to you #barbie #barbie 2023 #asexuality #aromantic #mp

[alastors-antlers]

Why Alastor is good aroace rep after all, written by an aroace

Hello all! I just want to start off this post by saying that I'm one person who definitely doesn't speak for all aroaces, but I wanted to make a post on this anyway, and maybe some folk would be interested in hearing out another perspective?

I'm not really caught up on everything that's been said over the course of HH's creation - only more recent interviews, since I'm pretty new to the fandom. Apologies if I've missed anything, but also I do not have the time to keep up with all the out-of-canon-material backstory unfortunately. I'm working with what we've got here.

So here's the thing:

Alastor is cruel, he's narcissistic, he doesn't care about anyone except himself, he's a serial killer and a monster.

(That's the argument I've heard - please tell me if that's not really what people are going for lol, in which case I've totally misunderstood?)

The issue with aroace rep when it paints asexual people with those traits is that it aims to dehumanizes them. Sex and love are essential to the human experience, right? So why wouldn't someone be interested? Because they're self-absorbed, and cold, and detached. They don't have the capacity to love others enough to feel romance.

And sure, Alastor is a killer, and a schemer, and prideful, and a monster by hell's standards. But no matter how above it all and stylish and in control and provocative he wants to be, he's a very human character, and his aroace-ness never serves to add to his alienation. You could even say that it makes him seem even more personable.

That's what I think is the key difference.

why he's human

Alastor's whole persona is about control, and he basically straight-up says this. He's controlling what his enemies know, what his public image is like. His goal is to be the Radio Demon -- overlord of Hell, charismatic, Machiavellian, and undefeatable. He's not. Despite that smile plastered over his face (a powerful tool, huh) he's so expressive for someone who's constantly pretending.

You see his exasperation with the Egg Bois and with Charlie's ranting; his nervousness in front of Zestial; his frustration with Lucifer and the petty lengths he goes to to piss off the ruler of Hell.

You see his desperation, making that deal with Charlie. He's surprised by the idea of being vulnerable in front of an enemy like Adam, and so close to danger. He drops the radio filter and the affect out of fear, and runs on broadcast TV to let out panic and anger and bitterness in his hideout, where no one else can see him.

He has a smile that tells us he's genuinely happy to see someone; it's a little wider than his default. You see it with Mimzy's greeting, you see it with Rosie. Rosie, especially, serves to make Alastor more human to the audience. More on this later, but for now, I'm just saying that you can see that he at least seems to respect her greatly. Whatever bond they have, we know that he trusts her to touch him, to share history with him, and with support that he trusts no one else for.

He pretends, but he can't pretend it all away. Loads of these emotions aren't even advantageous for him to show. It isn't necessarily how the typical asexual psychopath acts; he's not emotionless or only capable of anger or brutality.

He's so full of emotion that it leaks through, despite all that he does to avoid it. He's not inhuman and aloof, not really - he's so, so human, even when he tries not to be because he thinks that'll be what keeps him above all the rest. In control, and free from his chains.

(If anyone wants to see images about all this, I'll make a separate post - just let me know.)

(I also have another post, talking about why Alastor is at least a little attached to the hotel's residents too, shown via conversation with Niffty. In what way? different question.)

how the aroace part contributes to that

Now, to be fair, we don't hear much about his aroaceness in canon. It's just not relevant a lot of the time.

In the pilot, Angel's proposition ruffles his feathers so much that Alastor blanks for a moment. It's a joke, sure, but that ace panic face is a pretty popular Alastor moment in the fandom - Alastor, thrown off-balance by a sex joke of all things, after so many years in Hell that he should probably be used to this.

It's a moment that makes him more approachable; his aroaceness shows him unprepared for something someone else does for one of the only real moments in the whole episode.

And the other part: the ace in the hole statement.

Rosie apparently knows Alastor so well that she read that he's aroace. That tells us about their relationship; namely, that it is long-standing and genuine enough that she gleaned a piece of real information from him. It's a casual fact that she knows about him before he even figured it out himself. It lends legitimacy to their bond - this bond that shows us a more comfortable and warm side of Alastor that we don't often see.

If their relationship is purely business, isn't this something pretty frivolous and personal? It's not like he has anything to gain by telling her about his life, but she learned about it somehow. How close are they? That's where it adds a layer of complexity and personality to his character..

thoughts on representation

Overall, Alastor's an interesting character who has a level of depth and care and personality (outside of cruelty) that asexual psychopath tropes lack. Again, the moments where he's being represented as disinterested in sex or romance don't make him seem detached. Again, they don't say "look how hostile toward relationships his behaviour is - how separate he is from our humanity". That's what bad villain ace rep is. That's not what the show's doing.

Also: I'm not saying that we need to lower our standards or anything, but even if you think it's not the best rep, I feel like we should be supporting HH's efforts here. I know that on Tumblr we have a pretty queer-friendly space going, which is honestly an understatement lol but

Aces are incredibly underrepresented in fiction. There's a whole Wikipedia page about asexual characters in media, and it's short as all hell, and even if you consider what's on there you see quite a number of one-off characters who are never mentioned again.

In terms of real life business - before the DSM updated their definition of hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) in 2013, identifying as asexual wasn't even a recognized thing. If you talked to a clinician about your lack of sexual desire, you could be diagnosed with a disorder. Only in the 5th edition do we now have a little exclusion footnote about it.

The concept of asexuality hasn't been explored nearly as much as other queer identities in our scientific research. We get crumbs in terms of mainstream representation and understanding. House M.D. has an episode where House "disproves" us because he's just so smart.

Alastor isn't going to be perfect representation. There's no such thing as perfect representation, and from the moment he was conceptualized, you could see how people would take him poorly. Still, I think he's a net positive.

He isn't a side character or a token ace - he's a core part of the show, whose personality and character motivations we can reasonably presume are going to be explored much more deeply in upcoming season(s). He's loved by the fandom. Right now, given what we know, I trust Vivziepop to write the aroace representation he deserves, because with the way I've heard the cast/directing/etc. talk about him, they're trying to do the aroace community justice, so I wish people would let up just a little on the whole "Alastor is bad rep".

Let's give him a chance, all right?

#hazbin hotel #aroace alastor #alastor analysis #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel spoilers #asexual #asexuality #hazbin alastor meta #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin #alastor #hazbin meta #hazbin analysis

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

What age is it considered "normal" to start feeling romantic and sexual attraction? I've been pretty confident in being aroace, but I can't shake the "oh, in a year or two you'll start feeling it too" thoughts, and they make me really uncomfortable. I feel really comfy and safe in my labels and the thought that I'm just not old enough to experience the attraction yet is honestly terrifying. I don't want to feel like I'm lying to myself and the people around me, but at the same time I absolutely do NOT want any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. (Not sure if AGAB and that stuff matters in this context but if it does I'm AFAB).

Also can people stop making me doubt myself (not directed at anybody who'll see this)? I came out to my mom and even though she was really supportive, she had to give the little speech about how you don't have to have it figured out, ever really, and that it'd still be totally okay if I come back in the future and discover I like boys, or girls, or whoever. Which is great, but I already knew that and I had taken like at least a week preparing and had spent the last hour steeling my nerves, I had my closest friend and the only one who knew I was doing this at the time on speed dial in case I panicked and couldn't do it, and I did not need to hear it's okay for me to be wrong. Or not wrong, I guess, but for that to change. I was really not mentally prepared to be reassured about THAT particular issue and it brings back the thoughts I mentioned in the last paragraph.

Anyone else have one of their worst fears being discovering that they're allo? Not that there's anything wrong with being allo, but I feel like so much of who I am is heavily influenced by my aroace-ness and if that's gone I'd feel lost and like I've completely lied about who I am.

That was late night rants with Raven, it's almost midnight though for me so I am going to go get some sleep. Thanks for listening!

So people vary a lot on when they first experience attraction. I think I read once that on average people start experience sexual attraction around their early teens/late preteens, but some people start experiencing it younger than that, and others don't experience it for the first time until they're older, sometimes as late as their early 20's. (the article didn't mention romantic attraction, but it can also start both very early or very late.)

The thing about it though is that there is no age where it's impossible for your orientation to change, and this is why I think it's really important to trust how you feel now. And trust that if your orientation/identity does ever change, you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

I think that anxiety of suddenly being allo is something a lot of ace and aro people deal with. But if someone has a real fear of losing the ace and aro labels then that's often a sign that those labels are currently the right one. If it does ever happen where it is right for someone to move on from ace/aro labels, it's actually usually a positive experience. So basically it feels wrong, because for you it is wrong.

The older you get, the less likely that also starts to become. It's never impossible but it is rarer to change orientations into adulthood.

It is a big problem that young people often aren't taken as seriously with their labels or told they'll change their minds. If it helps though, Anon, I know a lot of ace/aro people who started IDing that way as teens and even pre-teens and still use those labels now well into adulthood. Sometimes people do legitimately just know. So try and keep that in mind when people are being sceptical or telling you'll change your mind. That's just simply not always the case.

All the best, Anon! Take care.

[kyanitedragon]

What animes would you recommend to aromantics?

It's going to be all old anime on this list, as I haven't watched anime and especially new anime in a while. But maybe I'll be mentioning some that you've never heard of...?

(Also. I'll include triggers warnings but uh... my taste in media veers quite dark so... keep that in mind. I'm aware that's not for everyone.)

First recomendation isn't an anime, it's a j-drama, but I recomend it to every single aromantic.

It's called Koisenu Futari, which translates to "Two People Who Can't Fall In Love". It's an 8-episode series about two aroace people that meet and decide to live together and form a family without romance or sex. And surprisingly, the show focuses a lot more on the aromantic side of their identities than the asexual side. The series deals with so many aromantic issues, from unwanted romance advancements to "everyone falls in love!" to coming out to your family to finding aspec meet groups. The two aroace main characters are also very different from each other, so its really nice to see the diversity of aroaces portrayed. They're also adults, one in her late 20's or early 30's, and the other around 40. I even more so recommend this to adult aromantics, as we don't usually see that kind of rep. But I think even teens can get something out of it, perhaps seeing some potential futures for them in a world that doesn't make that easy to figure out.

Now, onto the anime!

Saiki Kusuo no PSI nan is a comedy anime. Each episode is split into different skits, and many of them feature the main character Saiki wanting nothing to do with romance or sex. It was and still is extremely relatable to me, and I read him as aroace, even if it was likely not intentional. It's also legit the funniest thing I have ever watched. The show is also so chaotic. The characters talk ridiculously fast, Saiki has every single super power you can think of, and all the other characters have such entertaining and wacky traits. It's very unique and a really great time.

Monthly Girls' Nozaki-kun is another comedy show featuring a very aroace-coded main character. I especially recommend this anime for aspecs who are artists, as this character is an artist too and in the series you see quite a bit of relatable overlap between that and his aspec-coded-ness. The series is technically a romance, as the main girl is in love with the aroace-coded main guy, but its kind of more of a subplot? And it never veers into unwanted attention; the main character is somewhere between romance neutral or romance favorable.

Digimon is about a group of kids that become chosen and bonded to creatures from another world. These creatures are essentially their soulmates, and they have to learn to work together and save the world. Not only do they end up bonding and becoming friends over time, but the kids also go on character arcs about or related to real world issues. Parents' divorce, adoption, the responsibility of being an older sibling, depression, etc. It's a kid's anime, but they go pretty deep and heavy on these subjects while remaining kid-friendly.

There's 10 seasons, but each are basically their own independent series, with the exception of seasons 1 & 2 and the theatrical movies which are all connected in one universe. The rest all take place in different universes with new and different casts. So you can watch any of them you like, in any order. They all have very different feels to them, so it depends on what your preferences are. Adventure is very character-driven and 2000's anime, Tamers is dark and is the only series to feature perma-deaths, Frontier has a very Sentai feel to it, Appmon is episodic that slowly builds to a big plot by the end, Ghost Game is purely episodic and kids' horror. The majority of them are romance free, and the few others only have small subplots about crushes that usually don't go anywhere.

Ajin is romance-free seinen that's dark fantasy! It's about a young man who discovers he's immortal and cannot die, and suddenly two factions want him on their side, when he just wants to have a normal life, and he reluctantly gets dragged into fighting for a chance at having a normal life again. The main character has low empathy and its treated very respectfully. There's also an extremely interesting villain who comes up with really clever plans. The anime is two seasons, with season 2 being anime-original and not following the manga, but its not bad. The manga is finished now, and its got quite a few more arcs following the equivalent of season 2, if you're interested in more.

Trigger warnings for: Gore, death, and suicide. The majority of characters can revive, so there's a lot of that, and as a result it's not treated too seriously, which might make those themes better or worse depending on your sensitivity. There's a lot of suicide "resets" in the series, so keep that in mind.

Chainsaw Man is a dark fantasy shounen that really pushes "shounen" as far as it can go. It's known for being extremely horny, and it is, but its horny in not only a very respectful and consenual way, but also in a very aromantic-friendly way. Unfortunetly it takes a bit of time for it to set up and then invert those shounen tropes, and currently the anime only has one season and it really doesn't cover much of the series. It's a great season, don't get me wrong, but all the really good stuff hasn't happened yet. And all the moments that aromantics especially would like, don't happen until much later. That said, if you're looking for a new and ongoing show to keep track of, keep your eye on Chainsaw Man!

The plot is, on one hand, exactly what you expect from the title. A man who turns into a chainsaw monster and fights other monsters. But the series goes so much deeper than that, inverting shounen tropes, and becoming so chaotic and unexpected. Even if you've gotten spoiled, don't worry, the series isn't ruined for you. There's still plenty of surprises and enjoyment in store, I promise.

Trigger Warnings: Gore, body horror, child grooming throughout but framed as bad, one scene of an adult nearly sleeping with a minor that's framed pretty neutrally imo (in the anime its the end of episode 7 and start of episode 8, and in the manga its chapters 21 and 22), cannibalism, occasional tasteful barely-censored nudity, lots of mentions of boobs and desire to have sex, and a few barely-censored orgy pages

Mild Spoilers but as an aro here's my favorite thing about the series: The series features a m/f relationship that starts out slightly sexual, becomes platonic, and by the end they become and explicitly declare that it is platonic/familial.

Other Recommendations:

I have yet to see these two myself, but I've heard good things about Dr Stone and Bloom Into You. Dr Stone has been compared to Saiki Kusuo in which the protagonist of Doctor Stone also tries hard to avoid romance and comes off as very aro-coded. Bloom Into You features a WLW romance in which one of the girls coming off as very arospec.

Well-written and interesting romances that I've enjoyed:

Erased (Boku dake ga inai machi) is a psychological thriller that is somehow both a romance and not a romance. (Mild spoilers but: They don't actually end up together in the end.) It's about a guy who goes back in time to stop a girl in his class from getting kidnapped and murdered. Him and his friend group end up becoming genuine friends with her in the process, and the rest of the series is about keeping her safe, helping her get out of her abusive home, them all just having fun together as kids, and of course the inevitable confrontation with the kidnapper. There's definitely elements of the two kids having probably-crushes on each other, but its on the more subtle side. Still, I figured I'd put this in the "romance" category anyway. The friend group is cute, but it's not quite on same level of found family as the other series I've mentioned. The show is mainly about the main two kids and their relationship.

Trigger Warnings: Brief bloody stabbing of an adult in Episode 1, kidnapping, child murder, physical and emotional abuse of a young child, and lots of child endangerment as a result of all this. There's also a young adult man being shipped in-series with a teenage girl by other adults, and (mild spoilers) lowkey implied they get together at the end when she's now an adult due to time travel shenagins.

Yuri On Ice features a slow burn MLM couple (one of which who can be read as arospec and/or acespec), as well as a teenager who comes off as pretty alloaro. In the MLM relationship, there's so much trust and affection in their relationship, and so much acceptance and willingness from the partner to take their relationship slow.

Noragami has three main romances and they're all straight, but each and every one is very interestingly-written and well-written. The main characters and main couple does feature a supernatural age gap, though, which I know makes some people uncomfortable. It's about a teenage girl who has a near-death experience and ends up discovering the world of gods and ghosts that exists alongside humanity. It starts out cute and comedic with her exploring this world and befriending them, but it ends up becoming a bit more complex and dark than it first appears.

Trigger Warning: Mild monster gore and monster body horror, themes of suicide and death as the series features a lot of ghosts, and tbh the series' interpretation of what happens to victims of suicide is... not great... and one of my few issues with the series. It's not a major aspect, but its there, and I could definitely see how that would be triggering for people who are sensitive to those themes or have that real-life worry about the afterlife, so just be mindful and careful if that's applicable to you.

Manga-Only Recommendations:

These last two are a bit... unique... of recommendations when it comes to their anime.

The Promised Neverland: The story is romance-free, and focuses on a found family of orphanage kids, along with a few adults and more orphans they pick up along the way.

The story is about an orphanage that's just a front for basically farming human kids for "demons" to eat. The kids find out and try to escape, so the first chunk of the story is about them figuring that out. It's a whole psychological thriller of a mind game as they play dumb while plotting a secret escape. Season 1 is actually a masterpiece and fully and near-perfectly adapts this part of the story.

Season 2 is where the remainder of the story is cut apart and shoved into 12 episodes and is a mess. (Like, they litterally cut out the Fan Favorite arc. The entire arc. Why. Also they remove like 30 characters.) Meanwhile in the manga, this is a several arc long story in which the kids have successfully escaped, but now they need to figure out how to survive and what to do next. The world gets a lot bigger and more complicated.

Trigger Warnings: Cannibalism, very young child death, child endangerment, gore, and body horror

Tokyo Ghoul: There are quite a lot of couples in this story, but this manga has always been unique to me, in the sense that the couples are well-written and likable, and yet there's very little actual romance to them, so it never triggered my romance repulsion. There's also a giant cast of well-written characters, most of them recurring, and an incredible amount of interactions between characters. It's honestly my favorite little thing about the series.

As for plot... It's a Seinen Dark Fantasy featuring a young human man, who's turned into a ghoul, a creature that can only feed on human flesh. Suddenly he finds himself a part of a different society, and has to learn and adapt, and he discovers along the way that "ghouls" aren't the monsters they're made out to be, and he ends up having a really giant found family at the end after starting out with only 1 friend.

And as for the anime... please just skip it and read the manga instead. Save yourself the headache. Season 1 is decent but still has issues. Season 2 is entirely anime-original, cutting out tons of content and characters and character developments and even changing character fates. Then season 3 pretends like Season 2 was an accurate adaptation, so it never gives context for all the story that was skipped, and anime-only fans are incredibly lost. Additionally, season 3 is ridiculously rushed, at a high chapter-to-episode rate, and also doesn't have great animation as a whole. Please just read the manga. Its the entire story and the art especially in part 2 (Tokyo Ghoul:re) is absolutely gorgeous.

(Also sort-of-self-promo but, I had fun with the blog @tokyoghoulaspecs in which I essentially made aspec headcanons for each and every character in the series.)

Trigger Warnings for: Lots of cannibalism, gore, body horror, themes of depression and suicide / suicide idealation

#aspec #aromantic #anime #asks

[scattered-winter]

dick grayson

ough my BLORBO <3

ha this got away from me (surprise surprise) but LISTEN. HE'S MY FAVE

favorite thing about him

first of all I love how he's so GOOD. he tries his best to help everyone around him. he fights every day for a better world. he genuinely wants to see the good in people and he gives so much for his city and friends and family and he just! keeps giving!!!

I also really love how he always tries to put on a smile! I think back to my anime phase when I watched My Hero Academia. the reason why All Might was such a great inspirational hero was because he always, always saved people with a smile. he gave them hope! he made them realize, as the world is burning and the sky is falling all around them, that "hey. it's gonna be ok." and that's DICK MOTHERFUCKING GRAYSON! a sword to his enemies a shield to his friends a blanket to tuck around the shoulders of the people he's protecting etc etc. superheroes are about hope and nobody embodies that more than Dick!

least favorite thing about him

in that same breath: I hate how the fandom (and even DC itself) tries to reduce him to a cheerful, happy go lucky himbo armed with nothing but witty quips and the power of friendship. he's so much more than that!!!! yes, he is generally cheerful, but that's not his entire thing!!!! he's seen shit! he's lost people! he has issues! he isn't a sunshine himbo, he's a man who has seen the worst humanity has to offer, over and over again, but still chooses to save people with a smile. which one is the more compelling character, DC??

as to his actual character, my least favorite thing is how he puts the burdens of everyone else's happiness and well being over his own. whether they be family, friends, or complete strangers, he's always putting people before himself, physically and emotionally. and the reason why I dislike that is because I would like to NOT introspect <3 I just put all that in a box and inspect at a later date

I also hate how everyone tries to turn him into a sexy sex machine. I can't remember where the panels are but there are instances of him being openly uncomfortable with people making sexual comments at him and like?!? writers and fans alike love to ignore that. they make him into a player who sleeps around and cheats on people and just. stop. idk if it's my aroace-ness or the fact that it's just. contradictory to his character but I Hate It. #StopOversexualizingComicBookCharacters2022

favorite line

"I'm fighting gravity again, and I'm losing. That's the thing about gravity. You can try and fight it, but...sooner or later, it brings you crashing down to Earth."

"You'll never know if you can fly, unless you take the risk of falling."

just....those 2, juxtaposed next to each other....ough

brOTP

Dick and Donna 100%. I collected favorite panels of them because I fuckin love those two

OTP

tbh I don't really actively ship Dick with anyone. there are ships I like and ships I dislike fr, but I don't really have super strong feelings about any of them?!

that said, some of my favorites are dickroy, birdflash and dickkori. nobody does it like them <3

and this does actually open a can of worms but I hate it when people pit dickbabs and dickkory against each other. like?!? let them live their LIVES ! I don't really like dickbabs but y'all don't see me bashing dickbabs fans on main!!!! and don't even get me STARTED on DC doing this. god it makes me so angry

nOTP

anything with his family ofc. it's nasty

but also dickbabs. I just....don't like shipping Barbara with any of the batboys tbh, because she's being passed around like candy and to me it makes every one of her bat!romances just feel flat and muted. not to mention all the ableism that's cropped up in recent nightwing comics (specifically toward dickbabs), and the fact that they're constantly pushing Kori aside in favor of Barbara (or vice versa. I'm so fucking tired of it) all in all I just...don't like dickbabs very much. I love their friendship so much but as with all things in media, the friendship was shoved aside to make room for a romance that made me dislike them together completely 🥰

random headcanon

Dick is aspec. he's in qprs with all his friends <3

unpopular opinion

Dick should have more comics outside the batfam and titans. listen I know he's the leader of the titans and is part of the batfam but I wish he had a few issues to be his own hero without any connections or people coming to save him! I'm probably just salty about Tom Taylor's recent nightwing comics but I would KILL for a current run in which Dick is just. Being A Hero on his own, in his own way, without bat drama bleeding in or the titans swooping in to hold his hand and save his ass

song I associate with him

Somewhere in Stockholm by Avicii

Can't Hold Us by Macklemore

From Heads Unworthy by Rise Against

favorite picture of him

I have too many. here <3

image limits won't let me use more, but I'll reblog this with the rest! these are my favorite textless panels/covers <3

send me a character!

#dick grayson #asks #master-of-fluff #ughh he's my BLORBO my BELOVED #nightwing

[lunarflare64]

Hello! Disability ask meme: 1, 3, and 8 please

(Disability ask meme)

As promised, the chatterbox train got rolling, you're welcome for the read more

1. Ooooooh boy here we go, its a whole ass List.

Autism, ADHD, OSDD/DID (we aren't certain enough to find out which on our own), ARFID, Non-24 sleep/wake disorder, anemia, Raynaud's syndrome, POTS, and arthritis (we're not sure which type specifically yet, we're on a waiting list to see a rheumatologist)

2. For mobility aids we primarily get around on crutches, on a good day at home we use our cane, and hopefully soon we'll be getting our wheelchair for the bad days. Our first set of crutches got the full sticker treatment, the second set we just haven't gotten around to yet (but we do have the stickers ready, they're neon). Despite us getting the cane first its remained customisation free, every time we consider decorating it we chicken out because unlike with the neon stickers we wanna put stickers from fandoms on it, and we're worried about wasting them because the cane.....we should get a better one, its really not good.

For sensory aids we just have our headphones, we mostly just use them when we're out and about because unlike outdoors where we're tense and on guard all the time and thus hypersensitive, indoors we NEED to be able to hear lots of little things, we freak out otherwise (and having headphones on all the time while you're a glasses wearer........."fucking OW" is putting it lightly)

We also uses braces sometimes, mostly for our wrists and knees (thats where the arthritis is), but we tend to use compression more, since the stiffness from braces can cause its own issues. And as for meds, we've got a low dosage of Ritalin for the ADHD, and some opioids for the arthritis pain. We also need iron infusions once every year and a half or so, since our body isn't the best at absorbing it in our diet (and to make things worse our diet isn't very rounded, thanks to the eating disorder)

8. Oof, identity question for the freshly hatched egg carton (do you like that term? We love it, what a fun term for a plural egg), this is already confusing. I mean, obviously the plurality affects every aspect of our identities in a large scale, its a given, so we'll brush past the specifics of that one. How our disability affects our gender? I'm not one of us who has that, gender is such a hard thing to define, the others have gender in the sense that they are pulled to masc or fem presentations, but I don't know if any of us really understand it. But we HAVE heard that not understanding these concepts isn't an uncommon thing for autistic people, so I guess that's one way it can be affected. Queerness (in terms of attraction) is the same, generally we're aroace (with some oriented-ness from some of us), that's also a common autistic thing, a decent portion of aroace folk are autistic, its no biggie to us.

Culture? We're assuming culture here means "the ideas, customs, and social behaviour of a particular people or society", but we're white and Australian through and through, not much there to be culture-y about. If we were to pretend Australia had a culture that was found though its own community and not theft from others, there is a MASSIVE issue with foods. A lot of "classic Australian foods" are the exact things our eating disorder wants us to avoid, family gatherings (which are ALWAYS barbecues, don't laugh its just how it goes here) are miserable for us (and it was so so much worse when we were a kid and people would yell at us for not eating), we can't eat anything, and even if we CAN find something its always a pasta salad that you can only eat so much of before you want to curl up in a ball and wither away, its an isolating experience, not being able to bond with family through food. We don't even feel that big of a draw to our family and it still hurts to miss out on eating with them

Aaaaaanyways, hobbies and life goals. We're not so good at the life goal thing, picturing the future is literally impossible, we see nothing and we want nothing, we very much live in the present (is that the autism, the ADHD, or the plurality? Hopefully we find out one day), but hobbies? Oh boy here we go

We have many. Many many many many hobbies, and dream hobbies too. The dream hobbies aren't really possible for us anymore, things like surfing, gymnastics, archery (chronic shakiness and sharp flying objects sounds like a bad combo), pole dancing, skateboarding, canoeing, dancing, hiking, and trampoline tricks (you could say all of these are possible with the right accommodation, but its too much for us now). One hobby we do have that we don't get to do often now is baking, we loved baking so much, we would do huge batches of cakes and cupcakes and cookies and breads and then give them out to people we knew, we didn't really keep much of it for ourselves, we just liked baking for the sake of baking, and the joy of giving treats to others was a great bonus. Nowadays we can't really do that much even on the rare occasion that we CAN bake, the heat makes us pass out and all the movement and standing sets our arthritis off so bad, its best to save any baking for when someone can be there to make sure we don't get hurt.

We don't let it get us down too much though! We have so many other hobbies, drawing and writing and knitting and crochet and loom weaving and the guitar (even if we haven't touched it in a while 😬) and drums and animation and architecture and gardening and photography and sculpting and woodworking and candle making and learning about oceanography and biology and physics and so so much more, our hobbies list is a literal list, we have it in front of us now, the ink has faded into odd colours and it COVERS the page, top to bottom, no space wasted, we have a lot of things we like to do and want to try, some things cant be done anymore but it doesnt even cross half the list off, our disabilities shape what we can do, but its hard to let it get to us when we have so much to do

[furby-organist]

🤗Are they physically affectionate? 

🎶Do they have a type?

😡What are their deal breakers?

My muse in a relationship ?s

Under a readmore because I continue to have chronic Can’t Shut The Fuck Up disease.

🤗 Are they physically affectionate? 

In the absence of touch aversion, and with the green light to be, yes! (I say this b/c he's cautious around his alts b/c he knows how touch aversion is and doesn't want to assume that they're okay with it.) Yeah he's super tacticle, very touchy, hugs a s/o while they're trying to do stuff and won't let go, sees them and immediately flomps on them or yeets himself into their arms or picks them up and spins them, lots of curling up & handholding. He unfortunately has not gotten a break from touch aversion postmortem. The exception is his alternates, whose touch he registers as his own. It doesn't really help his touch starvation. (He did have a few people premortem who didn't set off the touch aversion and he thought he was losing his mf mind. girl same. well Hell isn't giving him that.)

🎶 Do they have a type?

Answered!

😡 What are their deal breakers?

I'm going to interpret this to mean, like, if he was in a partnership with someone (e.x. they'd passed all his vibe checks & didn't fall into the categories of 'people he wouldn't date' initially), what would make him wanna breakup.

I mean, the first set probably shouldn’t be worth mentioning but UNFORTUNATELY too many people have massive cognitive dissonance and just don’t have similar dealbreakers (that pertain to like, their own demographics at the least)! Treating his aro-ness/ace-ness/sex aversion/dysphoria/etc as burdensome & pathological is a big one. Any of the nonsense he's gotten during his time out as bi. Weirdass racist behavior, whether fetishization or 'youre one of the good ones' nonsense. A switch to a wholly incompatible ideology/moral standard. You can't hit him with "I've decided to become a born again Southern Baptist." Girl, in Hell? And a protestant?? They can maybe be friends but it's just not gonna work out beyond that. You can't hit him with "Vox Industries is right and I'm gonna join the board of directors" or "I'm joining the anti-cannibalism action committee" or "I'm joining the maul random women club. and also the aryan brotherhood." Love that for you but this isn't gonna work out, you know?

The second set of deal breakers is irreconcilable partnership incompatibilities. A constant Thing in his premortem relationships is that they've been tedious. At the time he didn't understand his aroaceness vis a vis his partners' alloromanticism/allosexuality, and didn't have the language for it, but knew that anything beyond the early stages of a romantic relationship is suffocating. Partners go from being delightful Special Friends to weirdos who demand more access to his emotional labor, his time, his space, his body, his life, than he wants to give. Right now he's healthily drawing the line at QP shit. In the event that a hypothetical partner wants more than he can give without feeling drained, he's not really interested in compromising. He definitely doesn't want to uproot major parts of his life and merge his life with someone else's on demand. He's not moving in, he's not dropping traditions with his friends, he's not changing his professional wacky sleep vs broadcast schedule, etc. Non-negotiable. Maintenance sex is not up for consideration, either.

Oh anything that would make him have to give up radio. Idk what that would be. Maybe they're allergic to radio. Also if they try to make him go vegan. Or they just have a shit palate, like they think salt is too spicy. If a partner's afraid of him, that's a big one. He can't be close with someone who sees him as monstrous as the rest of the world does. It would legit break him. And then garden variety shit like being a shitty partner, e.x. dishonesty and manipulation (look, that's to use on OTHER people, not your s/o. Have some MORALS), anything along the lines of public humiliation, anything like "I can't be seen with you ;-;" (not out of a very real safety concern or professional consequences, he understands that, but like, 'ppl don't like u... its embarrassing'). Claim him unapologetically or fuckin don't.

#rp meme. #sssardonian ssserpent

[aroaceconfessions]

I've been told several times that I'm only aroace because of my complex trauma, and it's sent me into a pit where I comb through all my memories trying to 'legitimize' myself by finding all the 'evidence' of pre-trauma a-ness so I can say, "see? I AM valid - consider this thought I had when I was 4!" And I'm sick of it. Even my therapist is like, 'does it really matter? right now you're an aroace person with trauma; you can be more than one thing'. I'm tired of the gatekeeping. 1/

... and I'm tired of feeling compelled to defend my identity. Reducing my queerness into a side-effect of being unhealed is incredibly cruel. All it does is put ace people with trauma in the position of having to argue that we are indeed allowed to exist, which can be painful and triggering. Aro and ace people who are deep in their trauma, who are healing from trauma, and who don't fully understand why they are how they are VALID AF and shouldn't be asked to defend their existence. 2/

...This gatekeeping, in addition to being incredibly insensitive, is also missing a really big point. Trauma can CHANGE YOU on a physical level. It's very possible that I am aroace simply because enduring every imaginable form of abuse for a decade of my young life turned me off of sex and relationships indefinitely. Also very possible that being aroace all along added to my confusion and shame when I was being abused by partners. Honestly idk and idc. 3/

...I'm tired of gatekeepers complicating the issue for people who are already really vulnerable. Personally, I can't separate my relationship to my sexuality from my trauma, and I'm done wasting energy on trying. Instead, I'm going be an aroace bean who is on a healing journey, the goal is making peace with who I am now and how I can be more confident and self-loving. I'm aroace as fuck and I'm also very traumatized, deal with it. 4/4

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #invalidation #trauma

[science-lings]

character ask game with botw link?

One aspect that I love: I really love how purposefully androgynous they made this version of Link. With every other version of the character all of their voice lines consist of wordless yelling and stuff like that (aside from WW Link's meow), but botw Link laughs and has a noticeably lighter/ higher voice than the rest of them. Not to mention his character model is very short and made to make him look gnc af. also there's a whole major part of his quest that relies on him being able to pass as a girl and he blushes when he's called cute in the clothes BC IT'S NOT DEMEANING TO DRESS FEMININELY!!!

One aspect that I wish more people understood: I think people don't think hard enough about his lack of emotions in the cutscenes, they literally explain why he's like that, why he doesn't talk and everything. He's supposed to be seen as cold and unfeeling because it shows how different he is after the Shrine of Resurrection. He has snarky dialogue and he gets excited to cook and he can shield surf when before the Calamity it's so obvious that he's this soldier trained from childhood to reject his emotions and do what's needed of him.

One (or more) headcanons I have: There is no way that this little dude is cishet. I refuse to believe it. But I can't decide on my favorite gender headcanon for him but I usually default to him being genderfluid. I do really love ftm and mtf trans headcanons and nonbinary headcanons for him too. I think he deserves all of the gender. I also like to put him on the aroace spectrum, but at that point I'm mostly projecting. I just think it's funny that in game there are so many girls who are attracted to him and he just... doesn't understand at all. Like Mipha and Zelda and Paya and the arrow lady all write in their diaries about him and I think it would be fun if he just didn't get the hint at all.

One character I'd love to see them interact with: Outside of his game? I think he and Midna would commit crimes together and it would be funny. Also I really like it when things like fanart and fics include TP Link because he's there as Wolf Link and I think it would've been nice if he could turn Hylian in the game to teach him things but instead he's a dog who kills everything that he sees and gives me a heart attack while distracting guardians. This dog makes me way more anxious when fighting bigger monsters.

One character I wish they'd interact with/ interact with more: Riju, 100%. I think they should've added the fact that he had a family to the game including a little sister who Riju subconsciously reminds him of so it would be nice if they had added some big bro moments with him. You know that they would get along to the detriment of Buliara.

One or more headcanons I have that involve them and one other character: Him and Zelda have the same amount of cryptid nerd energy. Like they both had some before the Calamity, she tried to make him eat a frog and he literally ate rocks and kicked the asses of full grown knights at the age of four, but Post-Calamity? after he had been resurrected and she had spent a hundred years fused with the goddess? They're both fully weird now and they don't care what other people think of them at all. They also have different flavors of inhuman-ness. Like hers is more divine and ancient and powerful and his is more wild and monstrous and new. If that makes sense. Idk he's the nature spirit that connects with animals and strange creatures and plants and she's connected to the goddess so she has dreams of the future and sees everything differently than everyone else. They're weird and its super obvious.

#this ended up a lot longer than I thought it would be #sorry #ask game #character ask game #ask gay #botw #botw link

[raggedyannrevivaleffort]

Maybe can you share some character head canon ideas?

OH YEAH

- marcella and ann are autistic

- wolf probably is too lol

-andy def has adhd

- each of the dolls embody a part of poppa, for instance:

- ann is his love for marcella and also just a metaphor for him himself, she's def the most like him

- andy came from stories poppa would tell marcella when she was young, and embodies poppa's brave-face through hardship

- baby is poppa's anxiety and is partly representative of what he wishes he could provide. baby has so many nice dresses, poppa is poor and likely unable to provide marcella with such nice clothes. baby is also maturing fast, something poppa sees in marcella and is saddened that she’s missing out on getting to just be a kid. because she has to be constantly bogged down by worrying about mommy and her illness.

- teddy(/panda) is poppa's wisdom and his protective-ness over marcella

- camel reflects how useless poppa feels when he can't adequately care for marcella or make money for her. just like camel, he feels discarded, because he feels as if he's failed as a parent. his age (also reflected in camel) only makes things harder, too.

- camel is a toy that poppa used to fix up for another kid, but he was abandoned, so poppa was planning on giving him to marcella one day

- bat and wolf aren't actually part of the general's army proper. he doesn't like the taste of animals. he just feeds them human flesh and used good old fashioned manipulation

- wolf has fear aggression but is too afraid to direct it toward the source of his fear, general d, so he directs it outward

- bat is trans lol (because only male canaries sing but also because i do this to all my favorite characters sooo)

- teddy is aroace, but has a special interest in romance tropes so its a lil confusing for him sometimes hehe

- the rat in the rolls royce is general d, and mommy is. defo already dead

- poppa made teddy out of scraps for momma when they were dating, and his glasses are an old pair of poppa's

annnd theres def a lot more but thats what i can think of for now lol

#thanks for the ask! #raggedy ann #rag dolly #raggedy ann musical #rag dolly musical #raggedy ann broadway #rag dolly broadway #raggedy ann the musical

[aroworlds]

Hey, I saw a post where you explained how your autism does have an impact on your aro-ness and I just wanted to say I was so happy to read it bc I'm the same. I have BPD and am probably autistic and these things 100% have a huge impact on my aroace identity, but bc there's such a thing about aro/ace NOT being mental illnesses, I feel like I can't really talk about it? Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you. :)

Anon, I follow a couple of folks who have also expressed clearly that their experiences of gender or sexual/romantic orientation are impacted or shaped by autism, and while I’d never say that such a thing must be universal, or that all of us need identity terms conveying this relationship, I don’t think we’re too tiny a minority. I do think we need more spaces where it is safe to discuss, express and explore these relationships, oh yes!

I’m so glad that you’ve found something in my post that speaks to you, and I am incredibly grateful that you’ve taken the time to write such a lovely ask, anon. Truly, thank you. I do find it sad, though, that our experience isn’t normalised enough that this exchange needs to take place.

I’ve written a bit on this blog about how I exist in a rather uncomfortable space where there’s an awful lot of ableism tied up in how non-a-spec people regard, treat and stereotype a-spec identities but initial reactions to the ableist assumptions forced upon us tend to make it more difficult for neurodivergent a-specs to exist as neurodivergent–it impacts me in slightly different ways on the ace side of things, but being autistic/mentally ill and (periodically) ace isn’t any better than being autistic/mentally ill and (consistently) aro. It’s right that autistics argue that we shouldn’t all be treated as aro-ace by default; it’s right that aces argue that asexuality is not by default an experience related to mental illnesses, medication or trauma. But when you are both stereotype and marginalised identity, there’s a lot of pressure on us to push aside those experiences that don’t well fit the line the community has taken on in self-defense.

I will say, though, that folks in this corner of aro Tumblr let me ramble on about all this. Here, I’ve had an amazing sense that people are willing to listen. So I do believe that we’re on the cusp of a change, and while these conversations are still so often dangerous, there’s little corners of the internet where we can start talking and people are ready to listen.

Even if you’re cis, anon, and even if you have no interest in identity terms to describe the relationship between your neurodiversity and your orientation/s, I’d check out autigender (and perhaps bordergender, and other neurogenders, or neurogender more broadly) and see how autistics are discussing it and defending it as being an expression of how autism impacts and shapes the other things we are. Autigender as a concept has helped me in feeling confident that I can talk about how I am who I am even though I rarely identify that way, and I am grateful for all the autistics who have taken the time to explain why its a term some of us need. Likewise, there’s a range of accompanying orientation identities that express an orientation shaped by neurodiversity in varying ways–aro/acevague and nebularomantic/sexualare more (relatively) common ones. Even if you don’t choose to identify with these, the context and the dialogue behind them will I think build up a sense that you are not alone in seeing yourself to be shaped by your neurodiverse experiences.

Best of luck, anon, and I hope you find or make the space where you can safely and proudly express how you are who you are.

#anon #ask #discussion post #aromanticism and autism #autism #ableism mention #mental illness #aromanticism and disability #aromanticism and ableism #text #not media #mod k.a. #long post #aspec community #aromisia #acemisia #aromantic and asexual #aroace

[askanaroace]

(part1) *raises hand* I do have questions for you!! I was wondering if internalized arophobia existed and if so, how do you get rid of it? Like, I'm 100% aroace, never felt attracted to anybody, yet I despise my "aroness", I would prefer it if I could feel romantic attraction (specifically towards girls, I really want a gf...) Also, would it be abusive of me to date a girl if I can't feel romantic nor sexual attraction toward her? Would it be wrong to call myself an ace lesbian despite said lack

(part2) of attraction? Like I feel a want and/or a need for romantic relationships and I’m wondering if it would be bad to label it. I especially don’t want to make people suffer or make them feel uncomfortable by labeling myself another thing than aroace despite it being what I am but I also don’t want to feel so bad anymore.

Of course! Any prejudice or bigotry that exists outwardly can be internalized.

So lemme break this down into a few parts so I can answer this without being too confusing.

You despise your aroace-ness. It’s not uncommon to despise and have a hard time accepting a marginalized/lesser known identity. But you don’t have to just sit there and accept “oh, I’m _this_, but I hate it”. You deserve better! Surround yourself with positivity? Do you know how many aspec positivity blogs there are on tumblr? It’s actually so many that it’s so beautiful, I want to cry. Go follow a dozen of these blogs and surround yourself in love! Here’s just a few I suggested here already: https://askanaroace.tumblr.com/tagged/blog%20recs And don’t forget to self-validate! It’s good to tell ourselves that we matter! We exist, we’re valid, we’re awesome. This isn’t just being egotistical or conceited. This is necessary in a world that tells us to hate ourselves. It is important to remind ourselves that we love ourselves and that we are worthy of that confidence. Don’t just sit here resigned to your “fate”. It is not your fate to hate who you are. It’s not. You do not have to accept this for yourself. Demand better. Give yourself better.

Is it abusive for you to date a girl? Well, let’s start off with: abusive is a really strong word. Not everything that is unhealthy or incompatible or just plain bad is abusive. So just because something “passes the bar” of not being abusive doesn’t mean that it’s automatically healthy or great.No, I do not think it is automatically abusive or even toxic or harmful to date when you do not experience romantic/sexual attraction. However - and this is important for all relationships - it is important to be honest and set up boundaries that both of you are comfortable with. As well, I think there are some important things you should ask yourself: What do you want to get out of a romantic/sexual relationship? What are you willing to give? Is there another way to achieve what you’re looking for (if you haven’t heard of them, you should look into queerplatonic/quasiplatonic relationships - but me suggesting this doesn’t mean you have to or should not date if that’s really what you want)? What do you see dating as, and why do you want to pursue it? I’m asking because...I just wanna be clear here that dating is not going to suddenly change how you feel or make you think any more positively about yourself or your identity. Relationships, no matter your orientation or anything else, are not some magical cure to your problems. Make no mistake. They are hard work that take regular upkeep and commitment.I think it’s good to take a moment to think about what it is you really want from this, but that doesn’t mean I’m saying how you feel is wrong. ^^

Can you call yourself an ace lesbian? Labels are all about us. They are what we’re comfortable, what we believe communicates to others what we want to say. If you feel ace lesbian fits you and tells others what you want to share with them (ace lesbian could certainly describe someone who is aroace and wants to be in a relationship with another girl), then it’s a label you can use.

Feeling a want to be in a relationship - okay, as I just said, labels are 100% for you - but maybe looking into cupioromantic/cupiosexual. This is not feeling romantic/sexual attraction but wanting a romantic/sexual relationship anyway. Maybe knowing this term, even if you don’t use it or just use it privately, will help you better come to terms with how you feel and not feel so alone/isolated/even wrong/broken? Maybe it will help you find people to connect with so you can better understand accept yourself. ^^

Finally, I’m hearing you talk a lot about not wanting to hurt others. And that’s so thoughtful and compassionate of you! But I’m glad to hear you say that you don’t want to keep hurting, too! So I just want to make sure you hear this from somebody: your identity is not hurting anybody. 

Much love.

x

#ask #relationships #labels #cupiosexual #cupioromantic #Anonymous