#also real talk i did some math the other week

[niccage]

The fact that there are fourteen new seasons of drag race slated to air this year and not a single one is Drag Race Thailand S03

#also real talk i did some math the other week #and ive seen 34 of the 43 rpdr-affiliated seasons #and honestly id like to get caught up and watch all of them if only to say i did it #but jfc FOURTEEN MORE IN ONE YEAR #for what it’s worth though i am def looking forward to many of them #all of the new franchises will be fun to check out (esp excited for mexico) and global all stars is going to be the fucking moment #I JUST KNOW SHE WILL #susan watches too much reality tv #W A Y T O O M U C H

[themiddleofmichigan]

As a math major, I am simply enchanted by the idea of Neil Josten, Math Major. Please enjoy this collection of headcanons I came up with to cope with studying mathematics.

Neil is a pure math guy. There are two big camps of mathematics: pure and applied. Applied math is about applying math to other fields (physics, engineering, finance, etc.), while pure math is like math for the sake of doing math (read: a lot less employable). Neil picking the math major because he's good at math and kind of likes it is a very Pure Math thing to do.

Neil has a whiteboard, possibly multiple whiteboards. Whiteboards are the ultimate tool of mathematics. Sometimes Neil gets stuck on a problem for hours; hunched over his mini whiteboard, working through it over and over again. His fingers get covered in the expo marker residue and it leaves a black mark when he scratches his nose. Andrew huffs that he looks like a chimney sweep and rubs it off with his sleeve (he absolutely does NOT find it adorable, shut up, Nicky). Also, around exams Neil will drag Andrew to the library so he can do his practice problems on the Big Whiteboards. The other people in the library stare at them because this little ginger is filling multiple whiteboards with weird symbols and greek letters; Neil doesn't notice because he's oblivious, Andrew notices and it makes him a smug bf.

One time one of the Foxes asks him for help with their statistics homework and he gives it a shot, because how different could it be? They both quickly find out that he knows absolutely nothing about statistics. "What IS that?" "That's a matrix, it has the variances in it." "Well then why does it have an apostrophe by it?" "That means you flip it around." "That's TRANSPOSING and you notate it with a T" "Aren't you supposed to be some kind of math genius? Shouldn't you know how to do this?" "This isn't math, this is blasphemy."

Aaron has to take calculus for the MCAT and puts it off for as long as possible because he hates math. His TA for the course sucks and he struggles through it for weeks before Katelyn manages to convince him to ask Neil for help. Neil pretends to be annoyed, but he's secretly kind of looking forward to it because calculus is fun and it's nice to do math you already know for a change. When you're an upperclassman in a math degree, though, your brain gets warped by all the theoretical math, and it's hard to get into the mindset to teach something like Calc I. This leads to semiregular hostile tutoring sessions in the dorm, we're talking real Dad Trying to Help You With Your Math Homework at the Kitchen Table type energy. "BUT HOW DID YOU KNOW TO DO THAT?!" "It's a vector space, Aaron, I don't see what you're not understanding here." "A vector WHAT" Andrew chain smokes through these. He has to start leaving the dorm because he's pretty sure the calculus is going to drive him to lung cancer.

The statistics incident gives Neil a totally reasonable grudge against statistics. He eventually gives it up, but only so he can take an elective about sports statistics, because he has exy brain worms.

#Math Major Neil the man that you are #this is a cry for help #he loves math but math does not always love him back #pure math supremacy #aftg #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #this is my first real aftg post and it's about math

[gretagerwigsmuse]

rocketman: part i - it's just my job five days a week

Summary: in which lieutenant commander bradshaw is on a three month special detachment in the pacific and the holidays have never felt lonelier for either of you. it's just three months, it'll be fine, right?

OR you and bradley write each other 159 emails

Pairing: Rooster x Fem!Reader 11.8k

Warnings: 18+, explicit language, suggestive dialogue, bradley needs to remember this is a government email server...(okay yes, i am perfectly aware that our esteemed lieutenant commander would probably get kicked out of the navy for some of these emails…that being said, i also don’t particularly care! we’re playing fast and loose with the time stamps too because i may be smart, but math has never been a strong suit of mine!) enjoy the companion playlist! rest of the series can be found here!

12/17 @ 6:19am

I miss you already and I haven’t even left the parking lot. I’m still in my car typing this after having stayed for probably far too long watching your C-40 take off (like people were staring at me I was there so long)(and, yes, I looked up the name of the plane). Pete asked me if I wanted to get breakfast with him, but I said no. Felt too lost. Plus, I need to get ready for work. We’re going to get dinner on Wednesday before I head up to Berkeley Thursday morning, though!

Hope you have a safe transport and settle onboard quickly. I left you something in your duffle bag (yes, it’s safe to open around other people…head out of the gutter, Bradshaw).

Love you and stay safe, x

12/18 @ 5:46pm 

Just dropped off the gifts at the Junior League for Caroline’s adopt a child thing. She was completely in her element (they gave her a clipboard and a bullhorn!), though she did say we went wayyy too over the top. But little Carter asked for all that stuff! We couldn’t just not get it all for him? She also appreciated your wrapping skills, very impressed with the bows and tight corners. I met a couple of her friends there, which was nice and they invited me to stay for drinks (the prosecco was flowing…), but I wanted to head home. 

I miss you so much already, it feels weird not going over to your place after work and making dinner and prepping lunch together - and it’s only been two days. I know you’re on a comms blackout for the next couple days, so I’m just gonna keep sending these so you’ll have a bunch to read all at once.

All my love, x

12/19 @ 11:48am

My brother and Lauren decided to come out here for Christmas after all! My dad was so excited when he called me, but I think Mary’s a little less enthused. Feels like shit knowing we were the backup option for them. Apparently, Lauren’s mom is sick and the whole house is in disarray (not hard in that family…) so my dad is paying for them to fly in from New York tomorrow. I think it’ll be nice, we’ll almost have a full set (baring you, of course, my darling rocketman), so the house won’t be as lonely. Do you think we’ll get to talk on Christmas or Christmas Eve? You should be getting a package soon (‘twas preemptively sent!) and are under strict orders not to open it until Christmas Eve, buddy!

Going to dinner with Pete tonight, I’ll let you know how it goes. Amelia’s coming with us, but I don’t know about Penny? I hope they like the gifts we got them. I’m going to stop by your place, do a once over, and make sure the tree is ready for Pete to take, etc. before I leave on Thursday.

Love you and talk soon! x

12/20 @ 7:03am

House looked good! In my seat on the plane. If my morals were shakier, I would 1000% have taken Max up on his offer to fly me up to Berkeley. But alas! Climate change is real and private jets account for 20x as many carbon emissions as commercial planes, so I am up at the ass-crack of dawn for this 7:15am flight. I’ll message you when I land, love you!

12/20 @ 9:04am

Just landed - easy flight. Now to find my dad in arrivals…

Love you, talk when you get the chance! x

12/23 @ 4:45am

Hey sweetheart! Back online and all settled in. I’m bunking with Payback and we actually have a pretty decent layout. He graciously offered to give me the bottom bunk, due to my ‘geriatric status.’ Honestly, I’m just glad I don’t have to sleep in the bunk room with the ensigns and rest of the crew. I forgot how noisy it is being on an aircraft carrier, which makes Payback’s snoring surprisingly pleasant. I’m glad he and Bob are with me. The rest of this squadron’s from Lemoore and Bob knows some of them. It’s interesting seeing him and Payback fly together, but they mesh really well.

Glad Mav is there to keep an eye on you. 

Okay, I had way too much fun picking out all those presents, so I really hope Carter loves them too. And please tell me you have a picture of Caroline yelling into the bullhorn? I can truly think of nothing scarier than Caroline Calloway ordering the young women of San Diego county around like Santa’s chief elf. And speaking of gifts, I loved my pictures. The one from the Christmas party is my favorite, did Fanboy take it? I saw him running around with his Pentax. When the hell did you have time to print it? I’ve got it hanging up in my bunk so I can see it every night. 

I still don’t understand why you don’t fly into Oakland instead of SFO? Like I get it, you’re not a Spirit or SW girl, but kid….it’s an hour and forty minute flight? Live a little. And I think it’ll be nice having your brother and Lauren around for Christmas. How many people do you think it’ll be? I always loved seeing Christmas Eves with large families in movies and stuff, all the chaos and whatnot? But it’s just gonna be you five Christmas Day? I’ve heard rumblings that I might be first in line for a Facetime on Christmas Eve, so save some time for me too, kid. I’ll let you know for sure in a couple days. 

Okay, think we’re all caught up now. Talk soon and love you so much,

Your Bradley

12/23 @ 9:08am

Bubs! I read your email four times since I woke up, I can’t stop smiling. I’m glad you’re all settled in - Payback’s snoring and ageism aside haha. How’s the food? Do you want earplugs? A sleep mask? Are earplugs allowed for sleeping? What if you need to get up right away and you can’t hear? I could send you a white noise machine? Or is there a fear of hacking with that? I should’ve done more research on this before you left. Tell me if you need anything, I’ll send it out express! Oh, I’m just so happy to hear from you. Keep me posted!

Lots of love, x

12/23 @ 8:53pm

You and me, hot date tomorrow night at 11:45pst - don’t be late. (And look cute.)

Your Bradley

12/23 @ 8:55pm

I’ll be there 😉 Love you, x

12/25 @ 9:56am

Bradley Bradshaw you absolute sneak! How on Earth did you pull a Christmas miracle off!?! Mary said she had no clue, so I’m extremely impressed you got my dad to keep that secret!? I was totally not expecting another present from you? The cooking lessons and apron were more than enough - to say nothing about moving in together!?! I love the bracelet so much, you have no idea. I started crying when I opened it! Mary took a video, which I’m sure she’ll send you. God, Bradley? You didn’t have to do that! It’s perfect, it’s like we’re locked together. I’m gonna wear it everyday. Please email me later if you get the chance! 

(Also, Lauren looked really jealous 😉 my brother was sweating)

Love you and Merry Christmas Rocketman! x

12/25 @ 11:38am

Ummm, not sure what you’re talking about, kid? That sounds like something Santa would do? Probably heard about how good you’ve been this year? x

12/25 @ 11:40am

Thank you, I love it so much and wish I could give you the biggest hug and kiss right now. I’ll have an extra slice of babka for you tonight, talk soon and Merry Christmas, Bradley! Love you x

12/27 @ 4:49am

I miss sleeping next to you. Whenever I can’t sleep, I think about the way you looked at me in the living room after our Christmas party. You looked so happy and I hate that I have to leave you for all our firsts. First Christmas, first New Year’s, first Valentine’s Day. And god, sweetheart, you’re so fucking gorgeous it makes me want to lose my mind sometimes. Always thinking about you, Bradley 

12/27 @ 8:38am

I miss sleeping next to you, too (especially since your body is like a furnace and you hold me close when I get cold). And I know you being away during the holidays is hard, but look at it this way - we’ll just have our firsts next year. Next year will be our first Christmas, first New Year’s, first Valentine’s Day together, not an ocean apart. We have all the time in the world, rocketman. Love you today and every day x

12/29 @ 6:02pm

There’s already so many things I’m dying to tell you and stories about the squadron we’re teaming up with, but the Navy will have my ass if I give away too many details so I’m just going to leave it at this: are we sure Max doesn’t have a twin on another continent? Take that as you will. What’re your plans for New Year’s? Your Bradley

12/30 @ 9:20am

Sorry for the delayed response! A minor issue with my brother and my dad that I won’t bore you with had the whole house in a tizzy. Thankfully, he and Lauren are gone even though my dad still won’t tell me what the issue was? Anyway! God, I wish I could hear more about Max’s twin? I am honestly kind of scared about knowing there’s a Max doppelgänger in the Navy (jokes!). For New Year’s, I’m going to this party with Mary and dad in the city, it’s at this fancy venue and I have a cute black dress! It’s very different for me and I wish you were here to see it! I’ll have to wear it again. Message me when it’s the New Year your time! Love you! x

01/01 @ 12:09am

Happy New Year, sweetheart! They had a little party for the officers - we even got cake and Bob snuck me and Payback seconds somehow. It’s always the quiet ones you gotta look out for. You absolutely need to send me pictures of you in that dress, I can’t wait to see it on you in person someday. Hope you have a great time with your dad and Mary, give them my best. Love you and again Happy New Year! 

Your Bradley

01/01 @ 12:01am

Happy New Year, Bradley!!! You got cake!! You broke some rules! I approve! Milk them for all the cake they’re worth! I’ll send some pics of the three of us and one just for you big boy 😉 Talk soon and love you so so much! x

01/01 @ 10:59am

Had a late start! Here are the pics from last night! Try and sneak some more cake xx

[mary_and_dad_being_annoying.jpg]

[me.jpg]

01/02 @ 6:12am

You know you labeled the pictures wrong…luckily no one was behind me…

01/02 @ 9:04am

Who? Me? I would NEVER! (Just trying to keep you on your toes.) Hope the flying is going well and you’re staying safe, B! Love you!

01/03 @ 8:00pm

Yeah, it’s going well. It’s so different flying on the open ocean after so long? Last time was in September when I went to Hong Kong. The desert is cool, don’t get me wrong, but seeing the clouds and the water together is unreal. The pink and purple clouds remind me of you (sorry, that was lame). You still gotta let me take you up, kid. I’ve heard Mav is trying to convince you, but you gotta let me be the one. Can’t trust just anyone with my girl. Love B

01/04 @ 10:13am

Bradley…he’s practically your father, I’m pretty sure you can trust him to take me up in a plane, you silly boy. Not that I’m saying you won’t be my first…but come on! And it’s not lame. I like that the pink and purple clouds remind you of me. Every time I see a plane I send a little call out for your safety. Gotta keep you safe, rocketman! Talk soon and love you! x

01/06 @ 4:45pm

My parents just dropped me off at the airport and no matter how many times I leave them, I always cry. I think the only time I didn’t cry when I left their house was when you were with me over Thanksgiving. You always make it better, bubs.

They’re coming down in a couple weeks to help me start packing, anything in the house you wouldn’t want them to see while dropping off boxes? I can still bring my old bed, etc for the guest room, right?

All my love, x

01/06 @ 9:58pm

I think I get that, having you around this time makes it different. I’ve never had anyone to really write to while I’ve been away before. Sure, I talked to my grandparents when they were still around and my aunts and uncles, Nat, Ice, and a couple others, but not like this. And I don’t ever want to not feel like this again. 

I’m an open book, kid. Ain’t got nothing to hide. And yeah, anything like that feel free to bring with you for the guest room or office. It was the bed, nightstands, and dresser and then your couch for the office, yeah? We can get new bedding and pillows for it if you want? I’m on comms blackout for a couple days, so message me whenever you want so I can read them all when we’re back online.

Your Bradley

01/06 @ 10:07pm

Perfect! Love you and stay safe, rocketman.

01/06 @ 10:09pm

Love you too, kid.

01/09 @ 6:11pm

Bradley, I don’t mean to alarm you, but there was a raccoon in your garage! Scratch that, a FAMILY of raccoons!??! I’m sure Mr Harrington was ready to call the cops when he heard my scream. They’re so cute, but also terrifying at the same time? So, I called Pete and he came right over, a true knight in shining armor! Amelia and I did a THOROUGH sweep of the house to make sure they were relegated to the garage. Pete got them out safe and sound with a random tennis racket and your 4 iron, but somebody’s coming tomorrow to check on how they got in there. And I know they aren’t hurting anyone, but I just don’t want there to be any issues later on? (The babies were actually so cute and reminded me of my cat growing up, Porter.) Anyway! Enough drama for tonight, I hope that gets a laugh out of you - talk soon!

Love you! x

01/10 @ 8:05am

Well, the exterminator got here around 7:30 and sprayed all this stuff and blocked the hole in the crawl space of the garage. He showed me pictures and let me tell you, there was quite the nest up there. These raccoons were living large over the holidays. 

01/12 @ 5:21pm

Okay! I’m in the parking lot, waiting for my first cooking class to start. Is it weird I’m a little nervous? I hope everyone else’s skill level is similar, I don’t like feeling behind. I brought my new apron, ironed it and everything. I feel a little like Ina Garten, isn’t she just divine? Okay, okay, I’m going in now! I’ll let you know how it goes! Thanks again for getting me these xx

01/12 @ 7:03pm

I feel so tired? Like my hand cramped a little bit? We started off the class with knife skills, which we’re going to do every week and then made this “simple” egg dish, which was NOT simple and I overcooked the egg. Ina would be so disappointed. Alas! Onto next week. Love you!

01/15 @ 9:12pm

Bradley you’re not going to BELIEVE what just happened on Succession. My heart is POUNDING? Do you think if I called and asked really nicely the Navy would get an HBO subscription for everyone? That is what I would like my tax dollars to go towards. Can you get me a direct line to someone in charge please? Love you!

01/16 @ 7:47am

Not to worry my little Barefoot Contessa, I have returned back to civilization (ie the internet), though am dismayed to have missed this mind blowing Succession episode? Has Perry Mason started back up again or will we be able to watch that together? 

Bob and I were in the gym earlier and he almost dropped a dumbbell on my foot, I swear my life flashed before my eyes. But I had a new PR on the bench press today, up to 285 pounds. Glad the cooking lesson went well though! What’s the class makeup like? x Bradley 

01/16 @ 9:04am

I’m glad you’re back online and safe! Perry Mason has not started yet, though I’m still certain you’re the only person under the age of 55 that watches it (I guess I should say we’re the only people under the age of 55 that watch it, but whatever). You’ve also missed a couple Top Chef episodes, but we can always binge this season later. 

There’s about 12 of us in the class and it’s pretty evenly split? Though there’s tragically this really annoying couple who were at the station next to me. I hope we get to change next week, I don’t think I can watch them feed each other food another week. 

And I’m still waiting for that direct line to the Navy, Bradshaw! Love you! x

01/1 6 @ 6:59pm

Wait, wait, how did I miss there? There was a WHAT in my garage? A raccoon? Multiple raccoons? We need to get a dog or a cat or something. x Bradley 

01/18 @ 7:02am

Bradley!! I know we talked about a trip once you got home (provided you still feel up for it with the transition and all), what if we went here? I was talking about our tentative plans with my dad and Mary before I went back to San Diego and they went to Punta Mita this past fall and LOVED it! What do you think? Love you!

01/18 @ 6:03pm

Holy shit! That looks absolutely amazing, yes I’d love to go! Can we afford that though? It looks expensive? xBradley

01/18 @ 6:05pm

YAY!! Ahh, I’m so excited you have no idea! I want to hug and kiss you so bad right now! We can fly for free since I have a bunch of AA points (thank you pwc) and then I have like a million Amex points, so it’s not full price!! 

01/18 @ 6:12pm

When you say ‘like a million’ do you actually mean a million or?

01/18 @ 6:14pm

Yes! I’ve had this card for like 15 years! My whole family does the pooling on it! It’s a drop in the bucket, promise! Plus, I always use my other card for work and that has a whole bunch of Bonvoy points on it, too. We could stay at one of those? I think there’s a St Regis next door?

01/18 @ 6:22pm

Sweetheart, I want to go, I just don’t want you to waste all those points on this. 

01/18 @ 6:26pm

What if we go for 6 nights instead of 9? Maybe no plunge pool? Or we could pay cash instead? And then I could get 6x the points from paying that way? So, really….the points just keep accumulating, we’ve got to use them sometime! The points can pay for the flights and the hotel and then we can split the room charges and incidentals 50:50?

Will you think about it? You don’t have to give me an answer right away and we can always pick another hotel? But if we want to go someplace in late March/early April, I think we should book soon with spring break and all? Not that I imagine many coeds will be staying at the Four Seasons, but you never know…

01/18 @ 6:33pm

You gotta send me a ppt on all this points stuff, you know math stresses me out. And no, I don’t think many coeds will be staying at the Four Seasons, kid. 

01/18 @ 6:37pm

Can I send you a dossier with everything!?! Even if you say no to that I’m doing it anyway ;) just promise me you’ll think about it, please? I’ll do whatever you want, Bradley <3

01/18 @ 6:40pm

Yes, please send the dossier my way henceforth, Moneypenny. 

And you’ll do whatever I want, huh? Might have to send you a dossier of my own now…

(But yes, I promise I’ll seriously consider everything. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to spend all this money to make me happy. I’d say we’d both be happy camping out on the beach, but I think that might be a security issue down there, plus neither of us like camping - anyway, you know what I mean.)

01/18 @ 6:43pm

Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw!! Is this a dossier for my eyes only? What will M say!? I’ll send you mine if you send me yours?

(But seriously, thank you! I’ll send you more specifics tomorrow - like pricing and whatnot - and you can take a couple days to think it over. And thank you for clarifying the camping thing, I was worried for a second there.)

I love you so much rocketman and we’ll talk (email) tomorrow 

x Moneypenny 

01/18 @ 6:46pm

I’d say ‘sleep tight,’ but that’s a given considering you haven’t been fucked in a couple weeks. 

(Perfect, I genuinely am really excited about it, just want to make sure it works out for us both.)

Love you so much, kid 

Your Bradley

01/18 @ 6:58pm

Bradley Bradshaw!! You did not just say that over a government email server! 

Imissyourcocksobadlyit’sdrivingmeinsane

01/18 @ 7:01pm

Couldn’t help it. Plus, we both know it’s true. 

01/18 @ 7:04pm

Oh, shut up. Shut me up

01/18 @ 11:43pm

I’m sorry if I came off too strong about planning earlier, I might’ve gotten a little carried away and been a little too eager about planning something five days after you’re home from a three month detachment. If at any time before you come home or even right after you come home you don’t feel up to the trip, please please please tell me. I want to do something nice for you and give you a chance to truly relax, but I’d hate for it to come at a price. So, just let me know, okay? Say the word and we’ll push it, alright? I don’t exactly know what you’re going through, but tell me if it’s ever too much. I’ll always be here, promise. Love you x

[dossier_for_your_eyes_only.ppt]

01/19 @ 8:29am

Kid, no. I promise I’ll tell you. You know I love how excited you get planning things. I think I like it so much because you take care of it all. Sure, you ask for my opinion and what I want, but I just have to tell you one thing, one idea and you take care of it. 

Funny though, isn’t it? How it’s totally opposite in the other side of our relationship? You tell me one thing, one idea and I take care of all of it? Bet it’s hard for you not having someone around to do that for you? Maybe next time we Facetime we can talk more about that? x B

01/19 @ 10:11am

Luckily, I have a very creative imagination, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw. 

See right now, I’m in my office, sitting at my desk, feeling so overwhelmed. It almost hurts how overwhelmed and frustrated I am. And you bust down the door, hair windswept like you’d flown to Del Mar, and you have that slutty flight suit on and I don’t even mind that you’re sweaty and gross. You smell absolutely divine and I rake my hands through your hair as you eat me out underneath my glass desk. I get a conference call, but you don’t stop the entire time. You like how squirmy and fussy I get, I can’t focus on the deliverable I’m working on for the client. You like that I can’t control myself, that I squeeze my thighs around your head. Eventually, you can’t take it anymore, your cock is aching so badly, and you need to fuck me on top of my desk. You’re so strong it almost breaks. You fuck me so good everyone in the office can hear me crying out for you. 

(actually, I’m on the couch, watching college football, but it’s more fun to imagine you fucking me in my office - see, creative imagination! Make sure you get a quiet room for that Facetime...)

Love x

01/19 @ 7:29pm

You think you’re funny, huh? You have any more of those thoughts, feel free to send them my way. ‘m taking out that picture you gave me for Christmas right now. How you taking care of yourself? My imagination isn’t as creative as yours. B

01/19 @ 7:40pm

Guess you’ll have to wait for our next Facetime…

x

01/20 @ 4:24pm

Your dad and Mary write me emails, you know. They aren’t as good correspondents as you are (for how could they possibly be, my dear?), but they check in about once a week or so. Mary sends me some of the articles she gives her students and talks about the show she’s watching with your dad. Your dad mainly talks about you. It makes me wish my parents were still around to do this stuff with me. Just checking in and writing emails and bragging about me to my girlfriend? How was yesterday’s class?

Your Bradley

01/20 @ 5:39m

I didn’t know they wrote you that often and I’m beyond embarrassed that my dad talks about me that much? But come on, Bradley…you have someone who does that, too? He’s about 5’8” (on a good day), looks great in a leather jacket, and just spent about two hours last weekend cleaning your gutters and telling me about how you won your high school’s debate scholarship?? Like how could you not tell me that? It’s literally one of the hottest things I’ve heard about you!

Class was good! They taught us a trick to cut onions without crying and one of the other girls complimented my apron! We’re doing meats next week, cutting, marinating, cooking, etc. and I’m excited!

01/20 @ 5:42pm

Oh gee, I bet it’s just awful for you to have Mav around all the time. Knight in shining armor…

01/20 @ 5:48pm

He’s not a bother! And it’s not all the time! We’re actually going to get lunch together on Saturday! It’s this new place on the water.

01/20 @ 5:50pm

Sounds like a cute little date! You’ll have to tell me how he is. Love you so much B

01/20 @ 5:55pm

I’ll keep ya posted, bubs! Love you!

01/22 @ 10:01am

Breaking news, kid. Your esteemed, naval aviator boyfriend is going to be on 60 Minutes at the end of February. Totally came out of left field, but I couldn’t say anything until they finished filming. It’s about the Navy in the Pacific and “the lost art of shipbuilding.” They even rigged up a camera on my plane and everything, it was so cool. I’ve been dying to tell you, but again couldn’t say anything until it was official. I probably won’t be on it long since they interviewed the Admiral and Pac Fleet Commander for most of it, but yeah, Payback and Bob and I will be on with my girl Norah. I made sure I had enough sunscreen on so I was camera ready at all times. Love you B

01/22 @ 10:09am

YOU’RE FUCKING SHITTING ME????? Oh my god, Bradley! That’s amazing! Margie even ran into my office to see what made me shriek! I am TOTALLY having a viewing party! Oh my god, how do you think it went? Did they get your good side? What about hair and makeup? I know you get helmet hair, bubs. 

Seriously, so so excited and proud of you, Bradley! I’m going to make my dad and Mary come down for it! She doesn’t teach on Mondays, so this is perfect for them to stay over Sunday night! But now don’t go letting all that fame get to your head, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw 😉 Love you so much x

01/24 @ 12:17pm

Rocketman - 

I was sitting at my desk earlier and listening to some music before my 12:30 meeting and Elton John’s Rocket Man popped up on my shuffle. Obviously, as you are my rocketman, I always think of you whenever I hear it, but today the lyrics really scratched that special part of my brain, so I did a deep dive into the song’s origins. 

Please note, I’m including this time in my billable hours to the client (re. you). My findings are as follows:

Bernie Taupin was inspired by a Ray Bradbury story written in 1951 titled ‘The Rocket Man’ - not drugs as the urban legend states! Drugs! Imagine!

Bradbury’s ‘The Rocket Man’ was first published in Maclean’s, a weekly Canadian magazine, before it was published in the short story collection ‘The Illustrated Man’ that same year

‘The Illustrated Man’ later was made into a film, though ‘The Rocket Man’ story was notably absent

Some of more popular and renowned stories from the collection include ‘The Veldt’ and ‘The Long Rain,’ the latter of which is commonly read in high school honors English

Was client in honors English? Please confirm in follow up correspondence

Client has mentioned extensive library resources at disposal - perhaps he can check this collection out on his next visit? But for now, an executive summary has been provided:

With space travel more commonplace in society, Doug’s father, an astronaut, is sent on frequent, three- month journeys into space

Despite missing his dad, Doug also longs to be a Rocket Man, though his mother frequently prevails on Doug to beg his father to stay on Earth and be with the family

“What’s it like, out in space?” Mother shot me a frightened glance. It was too late. Dad stood there for a full half minute trying to find an answer, then he shrugged.“It’s the best thing in a lifetime of best things.” Then he caught himself. “Oh, it’s really nothing at all. Routine. You wouldn’t like it.” He looked at me, apprehensively. “But you always go back.” “Habit.”

The father finds that his work is ruining his life, but the draw of the stars is too great: "You don’t know what it is. Every time I’m out there I think, if I ever get back to Earth I’ll stay there; I’ll never go out again. But I got out, and I guess I’ll always go out.”

Even while on vacation with the family, having Thanksgiving dinner, or sitting on the back porch, the father’s eyes are always on the sky…

Doug’s father begs him to not be like him, to not be a rocket man, but what happens when his father goes on one last journey to the stars?

Through much reflection, I have decided that ‘The Rocket Man’ was written about you - and your mom and your dad and me and on and on until there is no longer a need for Rocket Men - or the rocket man simply stops and breaks the cycle

You are both the Rocket Man and the little boy, forever waiting for his father to come home from space

The allure of flying, of being a ‘rocket man,’ is both too great and too sad for you to ignore

None of this is to say the rocket man is selfish, no. He simply cannot resist the temptation. He knows nothing other than the thrill and peace of being amongst the stars

And his mother shielding Doug from the sun at the end is like your mom asking Mav to pull your papers, she does it to save him, but it cannot keep him from becoming his father

Needless to say - I had to postpone my 12:30 meeting until tomorrow as my eyes were far too puffy and any word I tried to say felt like cotton in my mouth.

I miss you and I love you - your ‘Lilly’  

01/24 @ 8:22pm

Fuck - I love you so much. My clever girl.

01/24 @ 8:28pm

I pour my heart out to you and that’s all you have to say, rocketman? ‘Fuck - I love you so much’

(of course, I also love you so much, my clever boy.)

01/24 @ 8:30pm

Darling - it’s going to take me a little longer to come up with any commentary you deem appropriate, so for the sake of time, yes. I gotta read this story in full. I’ll be at the library at my earliest convenience. ‘The client’ will send an annotated copy with his notes henceforth.

01/24 @ 8:32pm

Of course, sweet boy. Goodnight, I love you so much. x

01/25 @ 11:44am

As promised, my darling girl. Love you.

[b.bradshaw_the rocket man_final paper.pdf]

01/25 @ 7:14pm

Oh Bradley! I love you so much, rocketman. Yes, I couldn’t have said it better. Yours x

01/26 @ 10:39am

Bradley! They’re sending me to London in February for two weeks! I even get a swanky corporate apartment for the stay. I wish you could come with me - even if it was just for a long weekend? We could go to all my favorite restaurants and afternoon tea and for walks in all the parks. One day it’ll work out! 

But tragedy of all tragedies! I just realized I’m going to miss a couple cooking lessons when I’m in London! I already emailed the instructor before today’s class and she said there’s other classes throughout the week that are behind us, so I can make it up with them! Ahhh I’m so excited! Talk soon, love you!

01/26 @ 11:13pm

I didn’t realize how nervous I was about the trip until I went to bed tonight. It’ll be my first trip abroad since I got my promotion in November. Plus, it’s a completely different client than my last trip abroad and I’ve only met one person on this new London team before. Sometimes I go into these meetings and still feel like a little kid? I’m always the youngest person in the room and normally the only woman and on one hand, that’s cool? But sometimes I feel like someone’s daughter instead of their colleague? Like these guys are my dad’s age? And they’re actually supposed to listen to what I have to say about their company? Do you ever feel like that? Like you don’t really belong, despite knowing you’ve earned your place? I wish you were beside me right now. My bed feels way too big tonight. Love you.

01/27 @ 7:48am

Sweetheart! I am so unbelievably proud of you! That’s amazing! You gotta celebrate, go out to dinner with Caro and Darcy, maybe even Nat! I know you’ve been working so hard these last couple of weeks, you absolutely deserve this. I can’t say I know exactly what you’re going through, but yes. I have absolutely felt like I haven’t belonged or deserved something despite having ‘checked off all the boxes.’ I felt that way when I got promoted to LC and when I got that award in October. Everytime I see it on my uniform, I feel a bit like a faker? Like do I really deserve this? But then I remember the way you smiled at me when I got back to my seat that night and how proud of me you were and I think maybe I do deserve it? Plus, I also think of how goddamn gorgeous you looked all fucked out later that night. 

And please note, I would happily slip into bed alongside you, especially since my bed feels way too small tonight. Love you, Bradley

01/27 @ 10:56am

Thank you for earlier. I don’t know, sometimes I just feel like I’m just too soft for all of this? Like I’m always trying to prove something to everyone and I get a little lost. Tell me something good? x

01/27 @ 7:01pm

How about this? Every time I go up in the sky and see the way the sun hits the clouds, I think of you. I’ve never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with you. I love you so much, kid

Your Bradley 

01/27 @ 7:06pm

Sometimes I can’t believe we love each other this much, it feels like a dream  x

01/27 @ 7:11pm

I can. Your Bradley 

01/30 @ 7:08am

i slept in one of your shirts last night. it doesn’t smell like you anymore, but it feels like you: soft and safe and warm x

01/30 @ 7:23am

Well I spray my pillowcase with your perfume whenever I miss you so I guess we’re even

Your Bradley

ps - can you send me another bottle?

01/30 @ 7:34am

You’re already out? What sort of illicit behavior are you engaging in with that perfume bottle? 

01/30 @ 10:33pm

I burrow my face in my pillow so I can smell it while I fist my cock, why? What’d you have in mind?

01/30 @ 10:37pm

How does that work though? Like genuinely? Do you jack off with Rueben in the top bunk? Or wait till he’s in the gym? I’ve been curious about this for a while now. What about the showers? Is it like an open floor plan thing? Or are there stalls? Is there a Zillow listing for this aircraft carrier?

01/30 @ 10:41pm

Now why would I ruin the mystery? 

01/30 @ 10:43pm

Bradley!!!!

01/30 @ 10:44pm

Atta girl, that’s the spirit! Love you 

02/02 @ 6:30pm

I am so sick of going to the gym. It seems like it’s all Payback and I do lately. We got this new workout regime that’s been killing me - don’t say it’s because I’m old. Though, I have been using my Theragun. Payback does my back if I do his in return. It was only awkward the first time he turned it on too hard and yelped (please tell everyone that). 

02/02 @ 6:46pm

Oh, so you and Rueben Theragun each other, huh? Say more Lieutenant Commander!

02/04 @ 2:45pm

Going to Pete and Penny’s in a bit to watch the Super Bowl! Max is at the game, apparently his golf buddy Jimmy G hooked him up, though he neglected to bring me or Caroline. I feel like you would’ve been his first choice, so take that as a compliment I suppose. Do you guys do anything onboard for it? I have $350 on the 49ers winning by 3. Have a lovely day my darling boy x

02/04 @ 9:30pm

Guess who’s as snug as a bug on a rug in her bed AND $1400 dollars richer? That would be me! When you get home we’re going to Juniper and Ivy, my treat, bubs! x

02/06 @ 4:57am

Awww sweetheart are you gonna sugar mama me again? 

02/06 @ 7:03am

You do know the only reason you’re getting away with that is because there’s an ocean between us, right? 

02/06 @ 6:00pm

Sorry, couldn’t resist! Love you! B

02/06 @ 6:10pm

You’re lucky I love you so much. x

02/08 @ 9:58pm

Can you imagine if I was gone for 20 years?

02/08 @ 10:11pm

Bradley that’s not funny 

02/08 @ 10:13pm

It’s not supposed to be. I’m reading the Odyssey and it got me thinking. 

02/08 @ 10:16pm

Bradley I love you something awful, but you are such an old man sometimes. 

Are you going through some sort of midlife crisis reading the Odyssey while you’re at sea?? Is the Old Man and the Sea next?

(ps i love the thought of you reading in your bunk in your spare time and being so struck by something composed thousands of years ago that you have to email me)

02/08 @ 10:20pm

They wait 20 years to get back to each other - practically half their lives. They miss so many things and barely knew each other before he left, but they’re still so - I don’t even know? They’re just so intent on getting back to the other in Odysseus’s case? While Penelope makes sure there’s something for him to come back to? And I must’ve read this stanza ten times before I had to email you: 

"...the gods cast me upon Ogygia, Calypso's island, home of the dangerous sea nymph with glossy braids, and the goddess took me in in all her kindness, welcomed me warmly, cherished me, even vowed to make me immortal, ageless, all my days - but she never won the heart inside me, never" 

And I know it’s not a perfect comparison or parallel, but I read that last bit and I couldn’t help but think of you? And how you’re the one who won my heart and it’s always going to be that way. Whether I see you in twenty seconds or twenty years.

02/08 @ 10:23pm

You’d come home to me whether it took twenty seconds or twenty years. You’d come home to me and I’d know you anywhere. I love you so much. 

02/08 @ 10:58pm

“Now help me, please, to get back home, and quickly! I miss my family. I have been gone so long it hurts.” 

Your Bradley

02/09 @ 7:03pm

At the airport for London! Taking off! And I may or may not have used points to upgrade to a Club World seat…but like? It’s a nonstop flight, so it’s okay, right? Work’s already paying for business class? It’s points from my work card? It’ll be fine, right?

I had to take an ativan in the lounge. I just hate that I still get so nervous whenever I fly long distance? I fly all the time, I shouldn’t be like this? You know, one time, I pretended you were flying my plane. I know it’s kind of dumb and silly and a completely different type of plane, but it made me feel better because you’d never let anything happen to me. 

Anyway, we’re book buddies!! I went to the bookstore a couple days ago and got a copy! I read the Odyssey back in high school, but forgot so much. I was reading in the lounge and this part made me think of you:

“...this lovely house, my marriage home, so full of wealth and life, which I suppose I will remember even in my dreams.”

I’ll text you when I land my darling boy, love you x

02/10 @ 6:02am

You gotta squeeze every last bit of your per diem out of pwc. You’ve been working way too hard lately. Fuck it, on the way home just put the upgrade on your work card or put it on mine. Have a safe (rest of your) flight - maybe one day you’ll let me take you up. Love Bradley 

02/10 @ 10:08am

Just landed and on my way to the office (already…)

I thought of you as I read and stared out the window on the plane. I could pretend I’m flying towards you, rather than further away. I can’t imagine how you feel doing this everyday, but I imagine it’s like feeling limitless, like everything is in front of you, there for the taking. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll let you take me up one day. 

I’ll keep you posted on how everything’s going if you do the same. All my love x

02/12 @ 5:49am

How’s it going, kid? They working you too hard? You’re in London! Try to enjoy it, you deserve it. One of the guys I’m with gave me a restaurant recommendation for you, said the drinks were amazing, his wife loved it. Do something fun while you’re there! And send me some pictures dammit!

Love you, 

Bradley 

02/12 @ 8:22am

Bradley! It’s been so so crazy here! I feel like I haven’t stopped since I landed. My ‘flat’ is so cute and right by the client’s offices, so it’s an easy commute. I feel so professional taking the Tube places too! It’s one thing I’d like us to have in San Diego as opposed to all the traffic. Also, it’s CHILLY here and I’m so glad I dug my big coat out of storage. I’ll try and check the restaurant out this weekend, I’m gonna sneak in a trip to the Tate, too. I’ve always wanted to see the Turners. Talk soon and love you bunches! x 

02/14 @ 9:54am

Bradley Bradshaw! You absolute SAP! HOW!?! Did you conspire with my dad again? Thank you for the flowers! I’m going to have the biggest smile on my face all day. I love you and hope this is the first of a lifetime of Valentine’s Days together. Always x 

02/14 @ 7:33pm

Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, kid. I’m not gonna lie, I gave your dad very specific instructions for the bouquet (I was going to ask Max, but he’d probably swap it for something ugly and cheap and keep the change…kidding (not)), so I’m glad they turned out well. It was a very big day on board today: we got special red heart cookies for the holiday. The mood was infectious, I can still taste the sprinkles. Maybe you could cook for me on our next Facetime? Have you learned anything good in class lately? It doesn’t have to be fancy, just wanna see you (and maybe also live vicariously through whatever you’re making).  

02/14 @ 7:33pm

Bradley! I think I can swing that for you, when do you think our next call will be? 

02/16 @ 3:18pm

Kid, you spoil me. This package is amazing, I don’t know where to start (just kidding it’s with the Cadbury chocolate and the Sudocrem as my burnt shoulders thank you), but everything is wonderful, thank you. I love hearing about London and seeing the pictures you sent last time. But I do have one complaint…you’re not in any of the pictures, kid, and that’s truly egregious. (Think we won’t be able to Facetime for a while, I gave Payback my slot the other day.)

02/16 @ 3:23pm

That’s not true! I’m in the one in front of the Tate!

02/16 @ 3:25pm

Yeah, but I can’t see you under all those layers! Just want to see your face. It’s been way too long since our last Facetime.

02/16 @ 9:52pm

As requested, Lieutenant Commander. I had one of the girls in the London office take this at dinner tonight. She really did wonders with the lighting and even managed to get my sidecar in the pic! x Love you

02/17 @ 6:55am

You look pretty. New dress? B

02/17 @ 7:17am

Maybe…it was on sale, couldn’t resist. But you’re gonna hate me because all of my clothes are very much not going to fit in your closet. Also, I bought you a new jacket and some socks. x

02/17 @ 7:20am

Ehhh I’m not too worried about the closet thing. But if you keep buying me clothes we might have a problem.

02/17 @ 7:24am

It’s so cute though!! You’re going to look so handsome in it! I got the green one for you!

02/17 @ 7:29am

Okay, admittedly a very nice jacket, thank you. But you are aware that we live in San Diego…

02/17 @ 7:31am

I am aware of that fact, LC Bradshaw. You can wear it when we visit my parents. Hell, I had to get my coat out of my storage closet for this trip. 

02/17 @ 6:53pm

Sighhhhh you raise a good point. Alright, alright, thank you for the jacket and socks my darling girl. What’d you have for dinner last night? We had chicken with these absolutely awful biscuits, tasted like saw dust, my stomach was growling for some more of that Cadbury chocolate (yes, Payback and I ate all of it already, though it was mainly Payback) for hours afterward. 

02/17 @ 6:59pm

Oh my sweet boy! Who do I need to call about your meal plan? Give me the number and I’ll call the Navy up right now. And I had scallops with truffle risotto. It was delicious. Wanted to lick the bowl clean. Love you bubs x

02/19 @ 10:22pm

Bubs, I cannot eat another meal out. I feel like I’m going to burst. I’ve gone to so many work dinners and lunches even before coming here, it almost makes me feel like a glutton. 

I miss you and your cooking (though I’ll have you know that my skills were vastly improving before my trip abroad!) and you standing behind me at the counter while I try to perfectly cut peppers. Sometimes I do it wrong on purpose so you’ll put your arms around me and I can feel the rumble of your voice. Would we call that weaponized incompetence? You better be ready for some Michelin Star meals when you get home, buddy. I just can’t wait to be home with you and roll over next to you in the morning and to tell you to stop snoring and that the battery in the smoke detector needs to be changed. I can’t wait to be home with you and make a life with you. I’m going to be really sappy now, but let me have this because I was reading this poem the other day and thought of you. 

“I am supposed to be touched. I can’t wait to find the person who will come into the kitchen just to smell my neck and get behind me and hug me and breathe me in and make me turn around and make me kiss his face and put my hands in his hair even with my soapy dishwater drips. I am a lovely woman. Who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?” (x)

Only a month until you’re home with me, I hope you’re hungry. 

All my love x

02/20 @ 4:50am

It’s only weaponized incompetence if the other person minds. I, however, do not mind. I loved that quote you sent me, going to be thinking about that one for a long time. I hate to tell you this, but I’m gonna be offline for a couple days. I hate that it’s at the end of your trip, but please please message me when you’re leaving/taking off and again when you land, you know I worry. Love you and am so unbelievably proud of you, kid! You killed it in London. Your Bradley

02/20 @ 7:03am

That’s okay, I totally understand. I’ll give you all the details on our next Facetime. In the meantime, I message you when I leave. Stay safe and love you, Bradley! x

02/23 @ 3:45pm

Taking off soon! I got an upgrade again, thankfully! And I made sure to put your new coat in my carry on - I don’t trust British Airways not to lose it! Taking an ativan again so hopefully I’ll sleep the entire flight - love you and talk soon!

02/24 @ 10:33pm

Just landed, slept through….90% of the flight! Apparently, there was bad turbulence, so probably for the best. Now, I know you would never have me deal with that my darling rocketman! Talk later - love you! x

02/25 @ 7:09pm

Feels kind of weird being back? I can’t quite get back into my routine. I’m not sure if it’s jet lag or something else? Feeling a little lost? x

02/26 @ 7:55pm

Bradley!!! You were so good, I’m so so proud of you! Max had everyone over at his place for us to watch you! We have quite the party here including my parents, Pete, Penny and Amelia, Natasha, Mickey and Cielo, Caroline, and Darcy. I’ll have to tell you about the parents meeting later. I wish you had been here for it, they took to each other like bees to honey. 

You looked tragically handsome, I practically had to hold back a moan when you were standing on the flight deck talking to Norah O’Donnell (is she as nice in person as she is on TV?). God, I want to ravish you, you sounded so fucking smart. You know like half the country is going to be in love with you now, right? I’ve got to get back to everyone, Max ordered dinner for us afterwards, but I had to email you as soon as you finished!

Just wanted to let you know how proud of you I am and how much I love you x

02/27 @ 5:09am

Thanks, kid. Sorry it took me a bit to respond, things have been getting a bit crazy, you know, now that I’m a celebrity and all? We’re winding down this training, so the next couple weeks are gonna be full of debriefs and paperwork, which means I should have a more stable schedule. Love you B

02/28 @ 11:48pm

Sometimes I wonder if you were here what would you do? Hold me? Love me? I never feel small except when I’m in your arms. x

02/29 @ 11:48pm

Some nights in bed, if I try really hard, I can imagine I’m laying down next to you. And it makes everything just a little easier. Bradley

03/01 @ 12:56am

I haven’t taken anything besides my fingers in months. You’re going to stretch me out so well when you get home. 

03/01 @ 7:19pm

And I’m gonna mark your ass pink for that comment. I can’t believe you sent that in the middle of the day. You getting yourself off at work? Dirty girl. 

03/01 @ 9:41pm

Never feels as good as when you do it. 

03/01 @ 10:01pm

And my hands pale in comparison to your pretty little cunt. You know that first time we slept together you were so fucking tight, I knew you hadn’t had a good fuck in ages. It gonna be like that again when I come home?

03/01 @ 10:05pm

Where are you going to have me first?

03/01 @ 10:06pm

In our bed, in our house, after you make me dinner in our kitchen. 

03/01 @ 10:09pm

Just over two weeks now, I can’t wait to see you. x

03/03 @ 5:55am

How you holding up, kid? You doing a little better this week work wise? Try and log off around 5 if you can. Don’t want you getting all worn down on me. 

They had us doing these war games yesterday that made me think of you. You would’ve walked circles around some of these other guys I swear. Think I can get a Facetime for us in a couple days? Probably will be our last one before I come home. Love you, B

03/03 @ 7:12am

Bradley! That's the best news I’ve had in ages! I can’t wait to see you! Definitely felt a little lost after coming back from London, but I hope my rut will be over soon? Tying things up with a client is always so lengthy and tedious. 

War games! ‘Would you like to play a game?’ I’d ask if you won, but no one ever wins in the art of war 😉Love you!

03/05 @ 8:54pm

So, here’s a new one. My mom called? She’s going to be stateside and wants to get lunch tomorrow. Could’ve done with a bit more warning, but apparently, she has a layover in San Diego on her way to New York to see my brother? I didn’t even know she was going to see him? I don’t even know if I want to see her? It’s funny, I can already tell you exactly how it’ll play out:

We’ll go to lunch at some sort of vegan restaurant, probably Donna Jean

She’ll make me pay

She’ll try to get me to use some sort of herb to promote weight loss since I’m looking a bit “pudgy” around the face

Though she’ll forget to ask about you, she’ll tell me about her latest string of failed relationships with bartenders and surf instructors in Canggu. Or is it Ubud? I genuinely don’t remember, she started in Ubud, but honestly my knowledge of Balinese geography is rudimentary at best 

She’ll ask how ‘that woman’ is doing as if Mary is just the woman my dad is seeing, not the woman who raised me and my brother

And finally, she’ll ask for money though betting is still open as to what for!

So, what do you say? Wanna put a wager on it? Your terms.

Love you! x

03/06 @ 6:30am

$100 she orders the caesar and makes you pay. I’m not even going to entertain the third parlay, pretty girl. Oddly feeling like she’s got a winner on her hands so yes she’ll talk about her new paramour. Does she really call Mary ‘that woman?’ And yes, without a question, she will ask you for money.

Your move my gorgeous girl,

Bradley

03/06 @ 7:49pm

I really wish you were here right now. She doesn’t even know me, but she somehow always manages to make me feel small. 

Caesar - no croutons 

I paid

Pudgy and frumpy, but she was hawking shakes not herbs

Failed relationship? No, she’s actually GETTING MARRIED

She did not ask about you much other than to say I need to watch my figure for you (see bullet point no. 3)

Mary was called ‘that woman’ six times before I stopped counting

She asked for money as a wedding present 

So, you didn’t get them all, but not a bad showing. Love you. Talk tomorrow on Facetime. x

03/07 @ 6:09am

God kid, I’m so sorry. She doesn’t know what she’s missing. Actually, I don’t even think she deserves to know what she’s missing. Did you talk to your dad or Mary about it? I know we’re talking later, but I just wanted you to have a message from me before you start your day. What’re you wearing to the office tomorrow? Have you worn that polka dot dress with the bow lately? You know it’s one of my favorites and that I always love unwrapping it when you get home from the office. 

Can’t wait to see you tonight. All my love, Bradley

03/07 @ 9:55am

The dress doesn’t fit. My mom was right, I shouldn’t have gotten the french toast.

I’m planning on talking to dad and Mary later today before you and I have our Facetime. I know they’ll make me feel better, much like you have my darling boy, but it still feels pretty crummy. Especially since I’m sure she’s going to have wonderful time in New York with my brother 🙄 and I’ll have to hear all about it next time I talk to him. 

And I’m not sure if I’ve unpacked that dress yet! I’ll have to do some digging. Talk soon! x

03/10 @ 3:26am

We had a little baby. He was always giggling and laughing and we were making silly faces and he looked so small in your arms, Bradley. So small and little and he was ours. And then I turned around and he was toddling around the house and we were chasing him and his little legs were moving so quickly and we all wound up on the couch in a tangle of limbs, giggling under the blankets as we tickled him and he called you daddy. 

It wasn’t our house - or what will be our house, I guess? Instead of the leather couch you have, it was white and big and wide and the three of us could easily fit on it, snuggled together. 

And I could feel your arms around me, rocking me back and forth. I could feel you humming in my ear and kissing my neck and telling me you loved me. I could feel it. I could feel you. I could feel him and you. And it was nice and I felt warm and safe and cherished and loved. Because I felt so much love for this little boy in my arms - the perfect mix of me and you. Everything felt right and perfect. 

Except when I rolled over in bed to tell you about it, I realized I was alone in my bed, in my apartment, and not in the house that we shared or with the little boy that looked so much like you and I haven’t felt so empty and sad since I can’t remember when. 

And I just miss you so much, Bradley. I know I can come across as glib and unfeeling sometimes and like this doesn’t affect me as much. But it does and sometimes I feel like my heart is going to burst because I’ve never felt like this for anyone else before? It’s never been so easy for me to love someone and let them love me to the point that I always want to be beside them. And I know with your job - and mine - that can’t always happen, but god Bradley I wish you were here right now so you could hold me and tell me you loved me because I just want to feel your arms around me and know you’re real. I want to tell you about the little boy - the perfect mix of me and you. 

I love you rocketman x

03/11 @ 12:49pm

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I realize that’s a lot to drop on you, especially since we can’t talk in person. I guess I’ve just never missed a person more in my life and seeing that future showed me what we could have when you come home. God, Bradley I want you to come home so badly. I want you to stay here with me forever and never leave and to have that cute little boy who was the perfect mix of me and you and to have you here in my arms every night. And I know it’s selfish of me to ask or even make you think about it, but I want you right here - in twenty seconds, not twenty years. 

How did your hop go today? x

03/11 @ 7:03pm

I have dreams like that, too. I’ll be little, but still older than I was when my dad died and we’ll be at the beach, running around, and he’ll pick me up and spin me around like I’m flying on an airplane. 

But then it’ll be me and my kid, running around and I’ll pick them up and spin them around like they’re flying on an airplane. Sometimes it’s a girl, sometimes a little boy. But I always just can feel and tell that I love them and I’d do anything for them. 

And I used to hate waking up alone after I had them and I’d feel empty and sad and like I had the feeling that they should still be there? Except now I have you and I know it doesn’t just have to be a dream?

Sorry it took me so long to reply. Today was hectic and I didn’t get to check my email until later. But if I checked it earlier, my day would’ve been a lot easier on my heart. 

All my love,

Your Bradley

03/12 @ 7:11pm

How do you always know exactly what to say? I’m sorry for springing that all on you, know it wasn’t exactly a quick/easy message, but I love that you knew exactly what I meant. My day’s always a lot easier on my heart when I hear from you, too. Love you x

03/13 @ 10:17pm

i miss having you around to take care of me. and telling me what to do and what to wear for you and how you want me and where you want me and when you want me and and and. and how good i feel around you as you come, how you take what’s yours. how i need you to take control and tell me what i need because i’m too much of a dumb slut to figure it out on my own. i need you so much bradley. and it’s so hard because i’m trying to take care of myself like you do and imagine what you’d do if you were with me right now. but i’m so frustrated since no one takes care of me like you do. i feel so empty. nothing stretches me out like you do, nothing makes me feel as small as you do, nothing makes me flush like the sound of your voice against my neck as i come, nothing soothes the ache inside me like you do. need you to call me good girl, pretty girl, sweet girl, anything as long as it’s yours. 

i need you i need you i need you i need you bradley bradley bradley bradley

3/13 @ 10:39pm

Awwww sweetheart, did you get yourself all worked up over me? It’s okay, I know it’s hard for you all by yourself. Must’ve been real bad for you to risk this getting flagged, huh? Poor thing, don’t worry, I’ll take care of you. 

Want you to pretend I’m next to you, leaning over you as you lay down and touch yourself. Say yes Bradley, more Bradley. Bradley, Bradley, Bradley. Good girl. 

Want you naked under the covers, no frilly little pajama set or anything. No, I want your cum to stain the sheets and then for you to have to clean up in the morning, all embarrassed because you did this. You made yourself like this because you can’t control yourself without me around. All that cum being wasted. Nobody around to lick it off your pussy. So what doesn’t get on the sheets, you have to taste. Good girl. 

Want you to use your fingers - only your fingers, I’ll know if you use anything else. Start with your breasts. Think of how perfectly they fit in my hands and how yours aren’t quite the same. They aren’t as big. Aren’t as strong. Play with your nipples, drag your nails across the soft skin on the underside of your breasts.

Want you to sigh my name as you slide your hands down your stomach towards your pretty little pussy. Have you shaved? Gotten a wax? You know how I like it, want it just like that when I get home. Pretend it’s my fingers sliding into your cunt. A few touches and you’re already clenching on air and I’m not even around. 

In and out, in and out. Circle your clit with your thumb. Add another finger, then another. You rocking your hips yet? I know you’re soaked. I know you want more. Three fingers can’t stretch you out nearly as much as you need. But I don’t know if you can handle anything else without me around. And I know you would never disagree with me, right? Because you’re my good girl and good girls do what they’re told. 

Don’t hesitate to get loud. You’re in our house, in our bed, you can be as loud as you want. Bet you’re getting close, huh? Try and last a little longer, can you hear yourself and how wet you are? Are you shaking yet? I know you’re close. Go ahead, speed up your fingers, just the way I do. It’s okay, you can come. Know you’re gonna get sleepy soon, wish I could sleep inside you, nice and tight.

Now say thank you Bradley. Good girl. 

03/14 @ 5:49pm

Thank you, Bradley. Thank you for taking care of me last night 

You like chicken piccata, right?

03/14 @ 7:33pm

Yeah, kid, I like chicken piccata. 

03/14 @ 7:39pm

Okay, that’s good. I’m going to make it when you come home. I ran it by my cooking instructor. Ina’s recipe of course. 

(I’ve read your email seven times since you sent it. I’ve thought about it constantly. I want you to take me softly and slowly that first time. But after that? I can’t wait to let go and float. Love you so much x)

03/15 @ 6:09am

You’re the boss. Good thing I’ll be home soon, you’re gonna run out of material. As is, I had to type that last one with one hand. 

Love you,

B

03/15 @ 7:21am

I’ll be good till you get home, promise. 

Have a good day, do you think we’ll get to talk much from now till Friday? Love you x

03/15 @ 7:24am

I’ll hold you to it. 

I don’t think so, might be able to send one out before leaving the boat. Better make it a good one. 

All my love

Your Bradley 

03/15 @ 7:25am

You got it! Love you bubs 

03/18 @ 11:08pm

Kid - there’s this lyric that keeps running through my head: ‘and I want you right here.’ I want you beside me - today, tomorrow, all my days. I want you right here, beside me forever. In twenty seconds, not twenty years. See you tomorrow.

All my love,

Your Bradley

03/18 @ 11:11pm

See you tomorrow, rocketman. I’ll be the one in blue.

Love you x

a/n: thanks for reading! i'll be back with part ii and part iii (hopefully not in...4 months). i had so much fun writing these and getting to explore a different format and side to their relationship! thanks to alexa @sometimesanalice, kylie @ofstoriesandstardust, cass @notroosterbradshaw, elle @dissonannce, nik @cherrycola27, and loren @heartsofminds for all the support!

#bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw x you #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster imagine #bradley and smart aleck #top gun imagine #bradley bradshaw x female reader #rooster x reader

[pinkthrone445]

Hey sweetheart, can you write a Melissa x reader

Reader is a math teacher in Abbott but for a reason cause the reader is dyslexic and some teachers kind out and start making fun of them. Melissa doesn’t like that and stops it real quick. As someone with dyslexia it really hits lol

-I'm here to help-

Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Gender:fluff, short

Warnings:strong words

Summary:Melissa doesn't like it when she hears other coworkers make fun of you and decides to help you.

Hi gorgeous, I'm dyslexic too hahaha, I wrote this from my own experience, I hope you like this and that I fulfill your expectation, thanks for the request 💕

Abbott elementary, a school where children had opportunities to learn when elsewhere they had been rejected. It was an inclusive school, the teachers with their low budget, did everything possible to give the best to their students. Some children lacked many things in their day-to-day lives, so you as teachers got involved, sometimes too much, so that they did not feel lacking anything in which you had the opportunity to help.

You, as teachers, were also very careful in cases of bullying, sometimes putting an end to it even before it started.

You did everything to take care of the children, unfortunately, very rarely was there anyone who did anything to take care of you.

Problems between teachers were solved by the teachers, no one else intervened or helped, not even if you were the one who was being bullied.

It had been a very long and heavy week, grading exams and daily life had greatly drained your energies. You urgently needed the weekend to be able to rest well and recover. Not only did you feel tired, but the tiredness affected other parts of your being, like your dyslexia, it wasn't usually that bad, but when you were tired it was worse and you didn't even realize it.

As a math teacher, it was rare for your students to notice any mistakes in the equations, but when it was your turn to write or read something, it was easy to highlight your mistakes. Although the children were very kind in helping you see what you had written or read wrong, they didn't do it in a mocking way and that calmed you down and helped you a lot. If it wasn't for them correcting you, you wouldn't realize your mistakes even if you read the word 5 times. There were times when you didn't even notice your mistake, such as letters being moved or letters that were similar to each other being swapped, and other times when you knew you had written something wrong but couldn't see what it was even though you had it in front of you. Sometimes you changed the order of letters and other times you didn't write all the letters of the word skipping some, there were also times when you confused one word with another. It wasn't something that happened every moment of the day, but the accumulated tiredness was affecting you to make it happen more often than usual.

Apparently, some teachers at school found it very funny that you made mistakes because of your dyslexia, many times at lunchtime you would find them talking and making fun of you, stopping whenever they noticed you were in the room. It usually didn't bother you, but you were so tired that you had little patience and things affected you more than usual.

It was already thursday, all you had to do was take the last exam and correct it, so you would close the grades and the children who passed would not have to return the last weeks of the year. But you were so tired that you didn't realize that in that last exam you had several mistakes when writing it, so when it came to correcting and realizing that everyone had made a few many mistakes because of you, you had no choice but to recognize it and cancel the exam and the notes, hoping that the kids will take it again and the parents won't be mad at you.

Sadly, when you realized that mistake, you were correcting in the teacher's room where everyone who commonly made fun of you was. They had already been talking about you and you knew it, but when you noticed the same mistake in all the exams and your face transformed, it caught their attention

-"Look at dydy over there, it looks like she is having an existencial crisis"-They whispered between each other, they called you dydy because they thought it was a funny nickname for someone with dyslexia. You tried not to pay attention to them and rubbed your hands all over your face trying to find a solution, you've never had a mistake this big that affect the kids exams and grades so much. You were so stressed and tired that your eyes filled with tears without you noticing. At the moment when you started crying, Mel walked into the teacher's room, it was weird to see her there, she always went to the room on the first floor and not that one on the second floor. The redhead's eyes immediately landed on you, and her brow furrowed with concern

-"Are you okay hon?"-Mel asked worriedly and you sighed trying to calm yourself down

-"Yeah... It's just that I made a mystic on a test and it affects every kid in my class"-You replied to the redhead and listened as the others laughed and mocked

-"That nickname it's better! Mystic! She said mystic instead of mistake!"-A fool made fun of you and you grunted annoyedly as you got out of your seat

-"You know what I meant! I meant mystic, not mystic!"-They laughed again and you sighed, when someone repeated the words you said wrong, you had a harder time saying it right-"I meant to say mistake!"-You screamed grabbing your papers and walked out of the room.

-"I don't understand how she is a teacher with how stupid she is and all the mistakes she makes when writing or reading. I don't understand how she got her degree"-One of them spoke up, continuing his mockery. Melissa stared at them and took decisive steps to them, if looks could kill, his body would be lost somewhere where it could never be found

-"Look assholes, she got her degree like all of us by studying and giving the best of her, and if she got it it's because she deserves it, I'm sure she deserves it much more than each one of you. Dyslexia is not a sign of stupidity, there are many people with dyslexia who are very intelligent. On the other hand, you are stupid, although you have no excuse for being that way. Her students have some of the best GPAs here at the school, better than any of your classes, do you know why? Because she cares about her students instead of meddling in other people's lives. If I hear any of you once again speaking ill of her, I do not assure you that you will ever see the light of day again, capisce?"-The redhead spoke in an authoritative voice, and everyone nodded in fright. Mel then turned around and started looking for you, finding you in your classroom surrounded by papers

-"Hey hon, how are you doing?"-The redhead asked, entering your classroom, where there were no one else besides you, and she came closer until she was in front of you, but you kept looking at your papers

-"It's nothing Mel, I'm fine"-You answered without looking at her, trying to convince her even though your eyes were still red and watery

-"Don't lie to me, If you don't want to talk, I understand, but don't lie to me. You don't cry when it's nothing, you cry when something hurts. Is it because of what they said? You know that they're stupid, do you want me to come back with my bat?" - Her comment made you get a little laugh

-"Usually it doesn't bother me what they say, but this week has been terrible, and if I already feel like a bad teacher day by day with my problem, I feel worse when they highlight it and make fun of it... Did you know that because they made fun of me, the school made me take a spelling course? Like that's my problem... Usually it's not that bad and I can handle it thanks to a lot of exercises I made, but now I'm tired, stressed, hungry and in a bad mood and that makes me make more mistakes... Like in these stupid exams where I got almost every exercise wrong so the kids also got their answers wrong... Not only do I have to retake the test, I have to revise it 10 times before I take it again or the kids' parents will kill me"-You muttered through your breath annoyed, and Mel sighed at the sight of you

-"Come to my house tonight, I'll help you... And I don't take no for an answer"-She said and walked out of your classroom before you could protest or say anything.

That night you went to her house and knocked on the door with a pot of ice cream in your hands, when the redhead saw you a big smile filled her face and let you in, the house had an exquisite aroma and a beautiful atmosphere. You had been there before with Barbara who was also your friend, but it was different to be there alone, you could pay attention to more things and details.

Mel grabbed your coat and made you sit at the table serving you a plate of food that looked delicious

-"I thought you'd help me with my exam"-you joked and she sat down next to you with another plate for herself

-"And that's what I'm doing, I know that tiredness and not eating well affects your concentration, so first we'll eat so it's easier for you to see the mistakes. I also put on my computer a font that is supposed to help people with dyslexia, the two of us will correct the errors of the exam and then read it between the two of us to make sure it's okay, yes? But first, enjoy your meal"-The redhead commanded and you ate smiling feeling a warmth in your chest, she had not only defended you, she had paid attention to you and kept her promise to help you. And that wasn't the only time, she made sure that whenever you needed help, she was by your side.

#melissa schemmenti smut #melissa schemmenti x you #melissa schemmenti fanfic #melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti #Melissa schemmenti request #melissa schemmenti abott elementary #abbott elementary fanfic #abott elementary fanfic #lissa ann walter

[yourmomxx]

➵ angels talking - social media au | ln4 (2)

❥ pairing - lando norris x fem!singer!reader

❥ plot - the aftermath of you announcing your new relationship

❥ warnings - none

❥ a/n: as always, the pictures are taken off pinterest and therefore do not have any consisency regarding the reader’s looks (as it is a self-insert and the photographs merely are for visualization)

part i | part ii - the number four

masterlist | requests

⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

♔꙳⋆ instagram ꙳⋆

landonorris

liked by maxverstappen, parishilton and others

landonorris golden days with my golden girl

view all comments

bella.ltn screaming crying throwing up they’re so cute

paddockgirl not lando being a simp on main

↳ landonorris1 @/paddockgirl he’s just like us fr

carlossainz finally official🙏

↳ f1updates @/carlossainz oh hi carlos

kellypiquet tu ferais mieux de la garder @/landonorris

sebastianvettel real happy for you mate

↳ 33maxverstappen @/sebastianvettel we miss you on the grid

realobama her confused face in the second picture she’s just like me fr

hotchswife at first i didn’t know what to think of this but now i just think it’s amazing

suziesalmon new WAG alert

mollym the internet is going to eat this up

coconutananas NOOOO LANDOO

ynforreal guys we lost yn in the world of single ladies😔✊

↳ lanadelslay @/ynforreal i don’t know how to stay strong in this time of grief

lilymhe LANDO I LOVE YOU FOR THIS

↳ alexalbon @/lilymhe ???

alexalbon you just had to start dating my girlfriend’s favorite singer mate didn’t you?

lilyzneimer wishing you guys all the best

alexandrasaintmleux ♥️♥️

↳ lanadelslay @/alexandrasaintmleux ALEX HIII

ao3chick love how all the driver’s girlfriends are commenting like moms signing cards in the name of their kids

danielricciardo congrats!!!

↳ landonorris @/danielricciardo i saw your comment on her post

↳ danielricciardo @/landonorris what comment on whose post? i don’t even speak english🦡

lastlaplando not them being cute

julie.ss highway looking real cozy right now🤭

f1n1fan seb being the proud mom i love him🫶

♔꙳⋆ twitter ꙳⋆

♔꙳⋆ instagram ꙳⋆

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oliviarodrigo and others

yourusername excited to tell you that my new song ‘444’ is available to listen to now on all music streaming platforms! oh, and also that my new album will be released november 22nd😘save the date

view all comments

itsbrutalouthere not her telling us about a new album TWO WEEKS before it comes out

sabrinacarpenter song is so amazing babe

papayagirl someone please call taylor swift and get that girl some marketing help😭

lukehemmings 🔥🔥

oliviarodrigo LOVE IT

iknewyouweretrouble I just listened to the song and i am deceased

ynisbabe 444? EXCUSE ME THE MATH

hannahmountana this song is so hot i can’t -

jessicag you did so well with this!!

amslerin please come to la on the next tour i wanna see you live so bad😩😩

jana_gp GIRL WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE ANGELS TOLD YOU HES NOT RIGHT FOR YOU

↳ xemily @/jana_gp WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE NUMBER 444 WAS A SIGN TO LEAVE HIM

ynlnn the background music? the vocals?? i can’t anymore

tswizzle 444 the math is so beautiful on this one

kellykiwi the mv awakened something in me

urnamehere i love this song so much

hamiltonh 444? a fourth album? lando the number four?? BESTIE

therealyn queen of manifesting fr

ferrarisupreme “444 you saved my life i really got these angels by my side” lando norris the man👏 that👏you👏 are👏

tangledinu NEW ALBUM YES

midnightprentiss already presaved i’m so excited

ameliadahlia why is everyone talking about math here?? someone explain i’m so lost😭

↳ sabrinajenga @/ameliadahlia @/girlsplainingcelebrities made a post explaining it all, i’ll tag you🫶

girlsplainingcelebrities

liked by papayagirl, sarahprg and others

girlsplainingcelebrities another day, another girlsplain! today, what the number four means to our favorite popstar girly, yn yln!!🩷

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boxnexx not to mention that the new album she’s releasing will be her fourth!!! so excited what she has planned for us

zeeema the whole thing with her and lando is so cute

emilyx i always look forward to your posts☺️🙏

sabrinajenga @/amiadahlia

herbsherm whoever runs this account, you have saved my ass so many times, hope your pillow is cold on both sides

leaglb whether you believe in angel numbers or not, these would be a whole of a lot coincidences

formeformulas when i heard "every time i see 444 it means no more i know for sure" i was FREAKING

cheesestrings ALSO not to mention her album comes out on november 22ND - 2+2=?

tswizzle she’s so smart i love her

ynisbabe when my teachers told me i would need maths outside of school they actually meant this

carlaarcher can we please all agree that 444 is about her relationship with arthur and that it was basically lando who made her realize he wasn’t good enough?

↳ paddockgirl @/carlaarcher GURL FR no way those two didn’t have something going on

↳ leclercsgirl @/paddockgirl besides, the media didn’t see her with any other guy during that time the song is probably set, so it CAN only be arthur

↳ itsellie @/leclersgirl would explain their radio silence with each other as well

↳ bella.ltn @/itsellie tbh if my boyfriend practically stopped posting me on his social media or acknowledging my existence the moment we got more serious i would dump that man too

vanityfair and yourusername

liked by tswizzle, papayagirl and others

vanityfair Singer-Songwriter YN YLN talks Split from Rumoured Childhood Romance Arthur Leclerc, Release of New Song and Announcement of Fourth Album, and Relationship with Formula 1-Driver Lando Norris

Click on the Link in the Bio to watch the entire Interview

view all comments

coconutananas that caption is longer than my life span😭

mollym girl was busy the past few weeks

ylnwife i am so in love with everything this woman has been doing for the past few months, this is amazing

factorfic just watched it and it is so amazing!! love how her and lando have the same sass, they fit perfectly tbh

charthurleclerc the day we find out what really happened between her and arthur leclerc will be the day i can finally rest

itsbrutalouthere "I'm a ferrari girl" -YN YLN, girlfriend of MCLAREN DRIVER Lando Norris, 2023

↳ landonorris1 @/itsbrutalouthere loved her for this

↳ bimess @/itsbrutalouthere PLS the way she was like "I love my boyfriend but everytime a ferrari is on pole I risk a breakup" she's so real

ynisbabe she looks so good here hello???

emilyzkn can’t wait for the albummmmm oh my god

jilledits i swear to god if she spills more tea about arthur i will be FERAL

wanderwall now all we need is someone interviewing lando about her and my life will be complete

jawdropforkpop i’m already so excited for her new album, i can’t even

peppyi her new song was so good, can’t wait for the album!!

#lando norris imagine #lando norris #lando norris smau #lando norris x reader #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x female reader #lando norris x singer!reader #singer!reader #formula 1 #formula 1 x reader #formula 1 x you #formula 1 x y/n #formula 1 x female reader #social media au #instagram au #twitter au #lando norris twitter au #lando norris instagram au #lando norris social media au

[genericpuff]

On this week's episode of "Webtoon Controversies That Could Have Been Avoided If Only They Had Some Damn Quality Control"-

Oh boy, prepare yourselves, there's some TEA on this one.

Quantum Entanglement, a new Webtoon Originals series from creator Arts Angel (aka Sarah Ellerton) is uh... a teeny weeny painfully obvious that it was made with AI.

AI is getting better, but when it comes to comics, there are still a lot of "tells" you can pick up on once you know where to look. Hands are certainly one of them.

Not knowing how to draw hands efficiently and consistently is definitely an Artist Problem(tm) but it becomes a lot more obvious it was made by AI when you get weird little off-putting mistakes like a fingernail being just a little too long or missing joints (hot dog fingers, eyo) or the distinction between fingers not being clear.

But there's also hair and other detailed parts that are often lost in the translation process between prompt to final piece. Jewelry, text on a screen, phones, that sort of thing. The insinuation of a 'thing' is there, but it's like looking at it through a fishbowl.

And ultimately, a lot of AI art tends to just be a little too 'perfect'. Everything is just a little too smooth for it to look like it was naturally made by a person. Faces end up veering into the uncanny valley territory and there are inconsistencies between the eyes and the rest of the body. Backgrounds become lost in what I like to call "AI goop", becoming nothing more than weird blurred/filtered out insinuations of what's supposed to be behind the character.

Basically, at this point, it's undeniably clear that AI is being used to create this comic. While there are also plenty of signs in the handiwork that show a human was involved in some parts, there are other places that are undeniably filled in with the use of AI. So it's not necessarily a 100% made-by-AI comic, but it's absolutely AI assisted.

But what's REALLY absurd about this whole situation? The creator denies it. To the point of including a disclaimer in the first episode trying to "get ahead" of people who are assuming it's AI by saying, "No, it's not made with AI, here's the proof! Don't look at the blood on my hands or the body in the trunk of my car!"

Now, first off, the absolute absurdity of making yourself look guiltier by trying to prove your innocence before people have even started to suspect you... I'd like to think that this was edited into the first episode after the initial accusations started rolling in but considering it's an Originals series, it's hard to know if it was, as creators typically don't get as much control over just editing their episodes on the fly like Canvas creators do. Typically it's their editors who do that sort of thing for them. And even if it was edited in afterwards, it's still there for people who have no idea going into the comic blind and might not automatically assume it was made with AI, so it just looks like you're bringing up the potential of AI being used completely unprovoked. By planting the idea in your audience's brain that AI is even a question, you're making them suspect everything.

It's kind of like when Dream was suspected of cheating in a way-too-lucky-to-be-real speedrun of Minecraft a couple years back, so he went to all these painstaking efforts of hiring a quantum physicist to "prove" his innocence with a straight up THESIS documenting all of the reasons he couldn't have cheated through math and figures and jargon. Ironically, this just made Dream look guiltier, and sure enough, he eventually admitted he had cheated.

That said, did you notice something in that "art process" pic?

That finished panel isn't even what showed up in the final comic.

So the absurdity of this all, again, just makes Arts Angel look a lot more guilty of actually using AI, especially when it's basically undeniable in so many of those panels above. People don't paint like that.

But that brings us to talking about Sarah Ellerton, aka "Arts Angel", the creator. Many long-time readers of her work are defending this, claiming that she has, in fact, "always drawn like this".

What's insane? She actually is who she says she is. This isn't like some kid who came out of the woodwork with AI and claiming that they had 20 years of experience, Sarah Ellerton's main site, The Seraph-Inn, has been live and crawled by Wayback Machine as far back as 2005.

And you can see the art evolution over the years, starting with Inverloch-

-into Phoenix-

-and all the way to Immaterial-

But here's the thing about that last comic. The main protagonist is, apparently, the same girl from Quantum Entanglement, the newest installment in this series where it becomes abundantly clear the creator has started using AI.

You can see the effects of this being parsed through AI, because she's gone from being a unique character with two-toned hair and darker skin, to being turned into a generic Instagram anime girl. And lemme tell you, AI used in comics has NOT gotten better at depicting darker-skinned characters (I actually tested an AI-coloring tool WT was planning on putting out a year or two ago, it was uh... not great.)

But the most damning thing about Sarah?

She works in IT.

That on its own wouldn't be so telling if it weren't for the 20 years she clearly spent actually honing her craft, only to suddenly switch to using AI as a crutch.

Quantum Entanglement was picked up for Originals in July 2023. It launched two days ago, with four free to read episodes and 6 more under the FastPass paywall. Three months after it got picked up. That turnaround speed is insane for an Originals series. Now, I'm more inclined to believe that maybe she's using the exact same pages she used in the Canvas version (there's unfortunately no way of checking through Wayback, it never crawled the Canvas version, so unless someone has backups of the Canvas pages they're willing to share, we'll never know) but that short turnaround time is insane for a comic that's this insanely detailed. It likely means they didn't need much pre-production time to get a strong buffer going, and that it doesn't take them as long to produce these episodes on a weekly basis so they could be under way less crunch than creators who do this by hand.

By comparison, the winners of the Call to Action contest from last year are STILL working on their pre-production. Many other greenlit Canvas series are known for getting picked up and stuck in pre-production for several months and even a year or more simply due to how the company operates with when it chooses to launch these series and how much pre-production is necessary. Some creators have literally said that their pre-production was done, but WT still kept them waiting to launch. So three months for a freshly greenlit Canvas series to launch is NOT the norm.

All that said, I feel for the people who are trying to defend her. But it's so undeniably AI with the creator herself providing fake proof that it makes it really sad to think that this person was honing their craft for 20 years just to wind up utilizing AI. Being a good artist does not make you immune to the temptation of using cheap methods or developing bad habits. Going through "the struggle" does not make you immune to taking shortcuts that wind up cheapening your work or taking advantage of the work of others.

Now, maybe Sarah trained AI around her art. If this didn't play out the way it did, I'd be willing to give her benefit of the doubt and assume that. Training AI off your own work, while still up for debate as to how ethical that is, at least doesn't hurt other artists, because it's your own work the AI is "stealing". There are definitely ways AI could be used to make life easier for artists without replacing the art process entirely, the same way artists have learned to use 3D assets and digital art filters to make their process more efficient and boost the quality of their art up to the next level.

But the fact that she's being so cagey over it, claiming she's not using AI period when she very clearly is, providing "proof" that actually proves she definitely used AI, while operating under a penname that's strangely similar to a name Grimes - former tech wife of Elon Musk and staunch supporter of AI - used for one of her studio albums-

- that's what makes it a lot more clear she's using it maliciously.

The AI is very likely trained off another artist's work. Maybe someone whose art style is similar enough to hers that she could integrate it into her own and pass it off as legitimate. Someone whose art style is cartoonish but still modern, like if Disney made anime. Someone who's so prolific and consistent in their stylization that training an AI off it would seem like a no brainer to those who want to replicate that style quickly and easily.

Damn. What a disappointment. Do better, Sarah.

And for god's sakes, Webtoons, pay more fucking attention. I've been steadily picking away at moving the entirety of my comics over to other platforms on a weekly schedule, but at this point I kinda just wanna dump the last 30 or so chapters onto ComicFury all at once so I can ditch this platform for good, especially if it turns out AI comics getting greenlit is a feature, not a bug. The ratings for Quantum Entanglement have dropped significantly overnight, now sitting around 5.09 and still dropping, but is Webtoons going to do anything about it? That remains to be seen.

#webtoon critical #anti AI #quantum entanglement #quantum entanglement webtoon #webtoon controversy

[ch3rryc4ndy]

Teachers Pet

Relationship - Professor Hyuck X Fem Reader

Genre - Smut

Summary - After being forced to transfer university’s, you realize you won’t be missing the last one as much as you though once you meet your math professor

Warnings - teacher and student, choking, impact play, semi dubcon? (includes a scene that may be aggressive towards reader but all is consensual), degrading, language, pet names

"Y/N WAKE UPP" my roommate calls out from the living room. I sigh in irritation realizing my alarm probably didn't go off. I get out of bed and walk out to the kitchen and see the clock barely says 7 am thinking it was already almost 9 "why did you wake me up so early nayeon?"

"It's not early you just need to wake up earlier and be more productive!" she squeals, I sigh and come to the conclusion that she is right, I do need to start getting up earlier. "fine I'll go take a shower" I say walking towards my room to get my things.

[Time skip ]

I'm almost done getting ready when nayeon comes into my room "also since you are new here, we have a new professor. I know it sucks you had to transfer colleges but you'll enjoy it here!" I smile and say  "I'm just lucky to have a roommate as amazing as you" nayeon chuckles and hugs me from the back "now hurry up we are almost late"

Me and nayeon walk into our math class a few minutes early seeing a few people scattered across the room. We both sit next to each other and I look around scanning the room and looking at the fresh faces I've never seen before.

I hear anyone talking to one of her friends and can tell they are flirting once I turn around noticing both of them practically almost making out due to how close they were.

She turns around and introduces me to the girl she was talking to and says "Y/N this is Irene she's amazing, she's one of my closest friends here" I smile and greet Irene with a wave. She is stunning, I guess gorgeous gorgeous girls attract one another.

I hear the chattering in the class quiet down once I hear the door open. "Today's lesson will be on statistics and the way it affects us in the real world." I freeze realizing how good-looking the professor is. I was looking at him in awe when I feel nayeon hit me saying "I think you're drooling" and giggling.

I roll my eyes and ask "so what's his name?" she gets closer and whispers "we don't know his name he just makes us call him Mr. Lee, he's a total ass sometimes I mean that's just how Geminis are right" I laugh and whisper back " how do you know he's a Gemini?" I ask "it was his birthday a few weeks ago and some of the students brought him some presents" I nod and look back at him.

"girls in the back can we cut the conversations to a zero" we freeze and realize our laughing was too loud. "you on the left what's your name, are you new here?" I gulp knowing he was talking to me "my name is Y/N I just transferred here yesterday" I say holding eye contact.

"I didn't ask for your life story I asked you for your name, I'll let you off this time but I don't appreciate talking during my lectures" I nod and say "I'm sorry sir it won't happen again" he stiffens from what I said confused if I said something wrong. Nayeon chuckles at this for some reason. "no worries" he clears his throat "please stay after class so I can explain the rules I have in my class since you weren't here for the run down" I nod and say "yes sir".

I turned to nayeon and write "what was so funny?" on a piece of paper handing it to her. She opens it and writes "nothing he'll explain it after class ;)" I look up at her confused but forget about it getting lost in my thoughts and not paying attention to the lecture.

The bell rang for class and I began to pack up my things slowly when I hear nayeon say "good luck with Mr. Lee" and hugs me winking at me as she left. I roll my eyes in annoyance feeling a wave of dread wash over me as I make my way down to his desk.

He was leaning back on his desk watching me walk down as I fix my shorts. Once in front of him, I look up and realize how attractive he is, his features up close are insane, and he is super handsome. "I'm sorry that I made you stop your lesson because of me, I should've asked my friend if there were any rules" I mutter, he looks down at me and says "why are you blaming yourself when your friend knew them before you and continued to talk?"

I freeze at his words and say "well it was my fault I'm not going to blame her for it, I should've known and I'm sorry it won't happen again sir" he stiffens again and turns around.

Now sitting at his desk I walk towards him as he motions me with his finger to come to him. "first things first don't call me sir, it does sound good coming from that pretty little mouth of yours but don't say it in class"

I stand in shock processing what he just said, I feel a rush of heat rise to my cheeks and I say "Ok"

"what do I call you then" he looks down at my legs and back up at me and says "Mr. Lee is fine, while in front of the class, but out of it you can call me hyuck, or anything you'd like"

I see from his tone what he meant in those last words. I smile snapping myself back into a serious face. "is that all?" I say, he stands up and leans on his desk "yes Ms. Y/L/N"

I smile and say "yes sir- I mean Mr. Le-" I jump at his sudden movement, he stands up and grabs me by the face covering my mouth. "you're making it hard for me you know that? I have no idea why I'm acting like this with you" he sighs, letting go as he watching me closely studying me and my next move.

I drop my phone on the floor and look up at him while I get on my knees and get it. His chest starts to rise as he's holding his breath "I'm sorry sir I dropped my phone" I say looking him in the eyes with a smirk on my face. He moves his hand down to my face pulling me up from the floor as I drag my hands on his legs up to his chest.

He pulls me towards him, lifting me to his desk and pulling my face to his. I was going to say something but before I could he cuts me off putting a finger to my lips and says  "save the pretty little voice of yours for later"

I crash my lips onto him as I start to take off my jacket, I let out a moan, moaning into his mouth causing him to smile. He pulls my shirt up and says "no bra? You were just waiting for me to fuck you huh?" throwing it behind him not breaking the kiss. I eagerly unbutton his white shirt as he takes off his belt.

"shorts off now" he says breaking the kiss as he watches me undress. He turns me around and pushes me onto the chair "play with yourself" I look up at him and smile. He leans back on his desk watching me take off my underwear. He stares in awe while I rub my clit while not breaking eye contact.

"Hyuck" I pant out tilting my head back taking him by surprise. He groans softly as I pushes two fingers into my pussy pumping in and out of me "stop" he demands as I look up at him and slow down my pace. I look him in the eyes as I lick my fingers clean.

He pulls me towards him pulling me back up onto his desk as he makes his way down to my pussy and kitten licks, getting more aggressive with each lick. I let out a loud moan as he circles my clit with his tongue, looking up at me he muffles "you taste so good you know that" I smile and tug his hair as he starts to lick faster making my back arch.

He pulls his head back making me whine "be a good girl and keep quiet ok" I nod as he makes his way up to me unzipping his pants.

I kiss his neck and look back at him realizing how toned his body is, he has an amazing body I think to myself. He noticed me looking at his body and smirks thrusting himself into me.

I let out a moan as his thrust got harder, causing him to cover my mouth. He groans as I bite his hand making his hand tightly grip my throat "you're such a whore, first day here and you already let your professor fill you up with his cock? wasn't this supposed to be me explaining my rules? " he hissed as I give a weak smile due to the overwhelming pleasure "only for you" I whine as I grip onto his wrists.

This caused him to fasten his pace, smacking me, and causing me to almost fall off the desk "what's so fucken funny? Let me wipe that smile off your face" he says turning me around and laying me flat on his desk.

He lifts my ass teasing me with his dick and thrusts hard into me. We both moan, filling the room with clapping and moans. He grabs a fist full of my hair and pulls me up to his chest while pounding into me "I wish I had a mirror so you could see how pathetic you look right now, I'd fuck you in front of it just so you can see how pretty you look" he chuckles, I say nothing as he laughs and continues to fuck me hard on his desk.

I knock down his papers by accident as I try to grip onto anything I can. I hold onto the table as he pounds into me. Incoherent words start to come out of my mouth as I try and form a sentence "I said save that pretty little voice of yours" hyuck coos as his other hand covers my mouth.

I feel myself starting to orgasm as he hits my G spot. "H- hyuck I'm-" I try and make out the few words I could. " be a good girl and cum on my cock doll, please you can do it, I know you can" he purrs as he grips my jaw, and chuckles.

He lifts my head eagerly "I'm not done with you yet" he groans as he turns me around letting my hips go and leaving me on the desk. I hear his voice from behind me "get up now" he demands, I weakly lift myself from the desk and turn around holding onto the edge trying to balance myself.

"sit" he says as he's sitting down on his chair. I walk over to him and sit down on his lap "you look so weak already, did I already ware you out?" he says smiling at me. I fall on his shoulders out of exhaustion as I shake my head.

He laughs and thrusts into me again while he holds me down by my shoulders hitting a new spot and causing me to wince. Tears start to form in my eyes due to the mix of pain and overwhelming pleasure.

Hyuck lifts my head to look up at my face and sees the mix of emotions on it as his thrusts get harder. "shit" he says as his thrusts get messier, I feel myself reaching my 2nd orgasm as I drop my head down to his neck "I'm cum-"

He thrusts one more time, filling me up with his warm cum, causing us to both moans from pleasure. Hyuck lifts me onto the table and cleans himself up as his lap was covered in a mixture of cum and sweat. I lay there looking at the ceiling with my mouth slightly open trying to process everything that happened in an hour while catching my breath.

As he's zipping his pants he chuckles at the sight of me. He pulls me by my legs making me slide towards him and pulls my arms up to face him, " let me help you get dressed" he grabs some tissues he had on his desk and cleans my inner thighs up, pushing 2 fingers in me causing me to groan as I grip onto his back.

He pulls them out for the last time and licks them clean, "I had to get the last taste for today" he smirks. As we finished dressing it was hard for me to stand up due to how weak my legs were at the moment "do you need help" he says chuckling.

I nod my head as he pulls me towards him, kissing me "this is our little secret ok, give me your phone" he hums as he taps his finger onto my lips, I'm a bit taken back by him wanting my phone but I comply and give it to him.

He types his number in and names himself "HC ", he takes a picture of us while he kisses me on the cheek and puts it as his contact photo "what if someone sees this" I say with my arms wrapped around his waist. 

"well aren't you just going to have to hide it" he coos with a smile. I gather my things and make my way out of the door as he stops me "I had a great time today Y/N if you ever need a follow-up on the lecture don't mind calling me" he says with a smirk on his face.

"I noticed you weren't even paying attention to my lecture during class so I think you'll have to come over to my place for a punishment, don't you think? Maybe you need it to be fucked into you" he adds

"I think that's the only way I'll listen" I purr.

#haechan #haechan fanfic #haechan smut #kpop smut #nct smut #nct dream #nctzen #hyuck smut #hyuck x reader #hyuck

[foxilayde]

Danny!!! I just binged Season 2 of Case 63 last night! I'd love to hear your thoughts on it (if you're willing to share them)! 💕

You want to hear my thoughts on case 63? Oh dear sweet lovely anon, please buckle up because I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS

I listened to season one probably 4 times in the past year and season 2 twice already (I have a lot of down time this week) and i took notes on the timelines because i thought i was going crazy and it honestly turned me into Charlie Day a little bit with the red string and notes and maps on the wall, “And i march down to Eliza’s office and say “Beatrix!! Beatrix!!’”

Anyway, spoilers below the cut.

I kind of want to start with season 2 episode 9, that thing that Vincent says to Eliza “peter didn’t send you here to save the world, if you’re his wife in one of the timelines and if peter lost his wife in 2060 when she was 38 because of Pegasus, his wife has to be born in 2022. And if you were, or will be, Peter Roiter’s wife, for her to be born in 2022, then you Beatrix should have died in 2022, but you didn’t. He knew you had to die, but he couldn’t lose you. Think about it, why did he need YOU to do the injection? He needed to get you to the extraction point. He tried to hide you and protect you from your death. He sacrificed millions to send you to the past to delay your death.”

That part reminded me so much of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that movie, but the protagonist, Joel, is running through his memories with his ex girlfriend Clementine and trying to hide her away in places she doesn’t belong, just so she can live in his brain for a tiny bit longer. It’s just so romantic and it makes sense why then Peter didn’t sound upset when Eliza told him that she couldn’t inject Marie, he doesn’t even give a shit about the timeline anymore. He just wants her to be able to LIVE and be happy adfdskjas;defsdfk

But i can’t talk about this without talking about the inconsistencies…. **play Serial theme** One of which here is Helen Vince, Peter Roiter’s wife From the future, is supposedly born in 2022 in one of these timelines, yet in the 2012 timeline she’s born in 2012? Did i miss something here? The only theory i have on that is related to that thing Peter says about “time protects us” and that’s why travelers can’t KILL Marie. I think it works in reverse as well, that you can’t escape your time coming, things will shift and bounce to fit your time clock. Which is super tragic when you think about how that’s Peter’s only goal, to give Eliza more time.

That bit IS confusing, but ALSO so is the inconsistencies with Peter’s age at some points. Like when he talks about the Egregor and being 9 years old and people dying by their own hand because of it, yet the math says he was 6 when the Berlin Purge happened and he says it was 2030 at one point and 3035 when Eliza asks for clarification.

And some other things too, he gives two separate dates for “the end of the world” (unspecified event!) and despite the Great Deletion happening, he claims that the Garnier Malet effect is “taught in all schools” since 2034, but the great deletion happened in 2033, and at another time he said it was actually in 2053???

and there are several more inconsistencies but what I’m trying to SAY is that he’s obviously not lying…. Right? Because the time travel is real, we have seen that. So the thing that he MIGHT be lying about is that “a traveler can only travel once” rule. I have a feeling this Peter Roiter has been alllll over the damn place. Probably unsanctioned missions? In order to hide Beatrix in one time or another to avoid her death.

And let’s TALK ABOUT THE NAMES OK. So we are introduced to an “Eliza Beatrix” and Peter straight up calls her Beatrix, so I THINK HE’S MET HER BEFORE and I’m not Fukin talm bout Helen Vince here. Roll with me, because when Eliza goes to Vincent’s timeline and meets herself, she tells her ten years younger self that SHE should start going by Beatrix! THAT’S PETERS BEATRIX. And that 10 year shift? Would explain a lot of the TIME INCONSISTENCIES ARE YOU WITH ME??

Let’s also not forget that i suspect that Beatrix is the Beatrix from the recording at the end of season 2, the one that Oliver Collins gives to Marie Caldwell. ALSO A STRANGE HAPPENING for him to be giving that to her because he was hysterically telling Eliza to discredit herself to Marie… very interesting.

Also super weird of Vincent to be acting the way that he was after Eliza DIED. Odd. Hmmm. Yes lets talk about Vincent Caldwell. The photo on the wall that made the bedroom look like Rome! To close the loop on the Garnier Malet! Such a cool twist in that. And when Eliza says, “By sending me here, he ensured the continuity of the dream” GUTPUNCH. There is one thing that bugs me about closing the loop and that would be the “take a flight to Rome on December 31st. Platform 23 at 4pm” thing that Peter said. Because BRO KNOWS THAT HELEN VINCE IS GOING TO BE BORN DECEMBER 12 so really and truly what the fuck was that about?? He knew that shit wasn’t ever going to happen, right? IT BUGS ME.

Also, bonus heartbreaking tidbit:: in the recording that he gives Eliza he makes it sound like “I’ll have 40 years to contact the organization to get this information to you” but bro knows that little baby Peter Roiter is going to be born sometime in 2023 (or 2024 depending on the inconsistencies) so he’s got 2 years max to live. And he doesn’t want Eliza to know.

Interesting tidbits, in the 2022 timeline, she’s in a bathroom in jfk terminal 4, but when she wakes up in 2012 she’s in terminal 8, so it’s not the “exact same spot” like she was telling herself. (Truly don’t know if that’s relevant.) And just a fun fact, when Peter is talking about his wife Helen he mentions that he did most of the cooking in their relationship and when Vincent talks about his late wife he says he did most of the cooking as well. So Peter is canonically skilled in the kitchen in every universe lmao.

I loved the tidbits about our sci-fi movies being influenced by The Project ever since 1948, i thought that was a thought provoking parallel to our current time.

I really love Marie so much. She hears and accepts all this stuff from Eliza and then she says you know what? I’m going to prevent covid from ever happening. And she does! I mean, she couldn’t prevent the nuclear war, but i thought that was pretty badass of her to change the world like that, way to go, Marie!

Biggest mystery i can’t wait to have solved: how is it she’s able to co-exist alongside herself and have a conversation with herself when “one entity must die in order for the other to be born”? Hmmm? And I’d like to add, Peter cautioned her against interacting with herself saying “meeting yourself WILL create a vortex” MEANWHILE daddy Vincent says it’s okay. In FACT Vincent just drops his own little “oh btw i had a Garnier Malet that you needed to talk to yourself, byeeee” i love him— such a goober. But it all seems very key.

I’m very struck by Peter’s repetition of the phrases about broken timelines and having to travel all alone and be invisible, it sounds very personal. Idk maybe I’m projecting. But i think there’s a lot to his story that he maybe couldn’t share with Eliza.

I loooove the way Peter explains time travel, “to go into the future, the key is speed. To go into the past, the key is gravity.” I love everything about that and the “circular beams of light” I WANT TO EAT HIS WORDS and lets not forget “They call it entanglement which is a way of saying I’ve always loved you.” NOT TO MENTION the infamous, “I don’t CARE about 7 billion people” monologue. It’s like what Vincent said, this is at its heart— a love story.

I will be thoroughly shocked and impressed if anyone decided to read all that. But if you did, thanks for sticking around and please let me know about your thoughts/speculations about any and everything regarding the story!!

#case 63 #Peter Roiter #Vincent Caldwell #Oscar Isaac #Julianne Moore #Eliza Beatrix Knight

[quaranmine]

Next steps for the AU:

-I have a couple of analysis-type posts to make. I love talking about this fic lol so I have a lot to say still. Included in this will be a review of art symbolism, setting as a character, and some selected real-life cases and research I ran across. I may also talk a little about fire symbolism as well as my fun fire-related words I purposefully scattered around (if you noticed me describe feelings as a spark a lot, it was on purpose lol.) I also may talk about a couple things that didn't end up happening, or did happen but almost didn't.

-This weekend I am going to revisit the fic chapters 8-12 to see if I can add more art to them. I had initially wanted more art pieces throughout the fic but the art would sometimes delay finished chapters for weeks (i have to both draw and color it traditionally, photograph it in good light, and then digitally edit it) so I started worrying less about it. If I do I will post those pieces and retroactively add them in the chapter.

-Speaking of retroactive edits, some earlier chapters of the story on AO3 have some issues with em dashes appearing smaller than they should be. This is corrected in my original document but I never got around to correcting the published chapters (i am always mildly worried the formatting will break lol.) When I do this I will also add cocoabats' cover into the first chapter. I also plan to retroactively edit some of my Fire Finder Math in chapter 3 because I think I made Grian's tower taller than it needs to be/at the wrong elevation. This won't affect the chapter outcome at all I just Need that to be accurate for myself

-I have a great many web weaving materials that I have slowly collected over the months that I would like to mess with again. I have been saving them in a #f tag on my main blog, but I didn't make any except for one because I wanted the full context of the story to be published.

-Going to upload the Letters from the Lookout drabbles into the AO3 series. Hopefully in the future I may add more. Or, I may not. We'll see. I also have a Scar-centric story called "Alpenglow" in my outline. based on its structure it may have multiple chapters, but it will not have any sort of through-line plot. It's selected scenes from his 8 years career as a lookout. I want to write this, but I don't know if it will be or not. With the main fic done I will be releasing my brain to work on other projects/ideas that I didn't want to get distracted by earlier. That doesn't mean it won't happen, it just means that it may not happen on a fast timeline.

#and as always i will answer any any ask or question about the story haha

[my-hyperfixation-hell]

being yukio okumura must be a lonely nightmare

OK disclaimer to start: I've only watched the anime, not read the manga, so if this comes up in the manga forgive me for I do not know (also no spoilers please <3 I'm picking it up soon) HOWEVER

Yukio being so young and yet an exorcist must be the most gutwrenchingly lonely experience, like... going through his different positions with his three core social groups;

As an exorcist: He has his coworkers, but they're all adults. He's a 16 year old boy. As much as they include him, respect him, acknowledge his experience and skill, there's always going to be the part of them as grown ass adults that sees him as a 16 year old. That gap will always be there, and it'll probably also manifest itself Yukio being excluded from some general parts of adult life, and probably looked down upon, even subconsciously by those who do respect them. He'll always be the "little brother" friend. It's no wonder Yukio isn't very social. What is he going to do, watch all the adults slowly get drunk at a work party? Whoo. (Sure, Shura would probably give him a beer, and I'm sure the others would be willing to look the other way, but Yukio himself probably wouldn't take it.)

Not only that, but he doesn't have the same liberty as other teenagers his age to be dumb teenagers. If Rin or Shima or whoever else messes up- okay, impulsive, but they have the grace of being in training. Yukio, on the other hand, has to be professional. He has to act older than his age, or it's proof that he's not ready to be where he's at. It must be so frustrating whenever he works with a new exorcist- "Yes, I'm young for my position. No, that won't make me more difficult to work with. No, I don't need you to explain this concept to me, I already understand it, I graduated too-"

As a teacher: He has his students, all the same age as him. Hell, even if they have issues, Rin is his brother. But there's a power dynamic in the fact that he is their teacher and they are his students. There's also a duty Yukio has as the more experienced exorcist and their teacher to look after their safety, especially on field trips and the like. When they're fooling around in class, he has to be the killjoy who brings them back around on topic, and this isn't some math class they'll forget as soon as they graduate; he's teaching them information their lives are going to depend on.

It's also pretty hard to maintain a friendship with the same people you gave detention last week, or that you had to fail on a test.

As a student: Yukio also attends classes at True Cross that aren't at all related to exorcism, but I feel like even there he'd struggle connecting with his peers. Yukio's busy with teaching and exorcisms; that's a lot of time. Then his homework and classes- where exactly is he left to fit in a social life?

The anime suggests he's popular for girls to crush on. but being the crush of someone you barely know in high school isn't a friendship. Yukio seems like he'd be the typical introverted kid who goes mostly unnoticed. Even if he makes friends, what happens when he's had one too many last minute call ins for exorcisms, and has to ditch yet another hangout? How many medical leaves does he have to take in such an injury-prone job, not to mention mental health? It'd be easy to gain a reputation as a flaky and uninterested friend.

Then there's the issue of adjusting to a 'normal' life. How does one do that? How do you sit there and listen to your friends talk about homework and video games and whatever else they did last night, meanwhile what you did last night was risk your life slaying a demon, but if you even tried to tell them, you'd sound insane because most people in this world don't know demons are real at all. Not to mention he couldn't talk about his teaching job, either. Oh, also, "how was your vacation?" "My biological dad who is also Satan killed my adoptive dad who was an exorcist". To a teenager, it must feel impossible to find a way to relate regardless.

I think this has overall been a pretty sad post. I do think as Yukio grows up, he'll find his place. Once Rin and the others graduate, the wall of teacher-student between them will also be removed, though he'll still probably outrank them, at least for a while. As he grows up, too, the age gap between him and his peers will lessen, and he'll gain new coworkers who've only know him as an adult.

It will get better, just takes time.

#blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #yukio okumura #character analysis

[inlocusmads]

hello👋🏻 obsessed w nora and apologize for the random question but i was wondering if there was any significance/reasoning behind her going to univ. at buffalo; basically what were the overall vibes? was it her first choice when applying? did she like/hate it there? (this is just me wanting to know more about college-nora lmaoo)

Anon I am literally going to hand over a part of my soul as thank-you because I'VE BEEN DYING to talk about college-Nora. She went through a massive transformation of character, personality in her four years there.

Nora didn't get into college immediately after high school. Mostly because her test scores took a tumble because she never really had the time to focus on school with the whole trauma of losing her parents being so prominent. It took some time for her to steer her academics the right path, which made her take summer classes for the credits she didn't have, and graduate a year later. She didn't have any electives backing her up either - her school didn't have any alternative backups, so she had no other option but to retake the courses.

The University at Buffalo as far as my online googling shows, is pretty good at accepting students. Nora didn't have many things going on to get her to the top private schools - nor the money needed for everything else. With a 70%-ish acceptance rate, Nora got in with a bit of turbulence, but she got in anyway.

The recommendation letter from her physics teacher hammered in the point. She was finally going to college. They applied for financial aid - because at that time Uncle Tommy was between jobs and was setting up the Drunk Tank. They were able to afford it with the inheritance money. Nora also tried to get a job to support herself, but quickly lost track and had to quit to focus on college work.

College was a time of firsts for Nora. First time living away from home - she did try looking for cheaper off-campus housing, but with no avail. First time getting her shit together, first relationship - first everything. Her first week was tricky. Uncle Tommy couldn't sleep at all and had one foot outside the door ready to drive six hours to check in on his niece. Meanwhile Nora was trying her best to sleep - swallowing anxiety meds and trying to keep calm. Eventually she began taking a liking to her subject.

It was the first time she felt like she had something to do, even though criminology felt like a random pick on a dart board. She had no idea if she even wanted to do the same things her dad did or if she's doing that to recover from trauma of losing her parents. After talking to her guidance counsellor, she decided it's best to stick with the known for now. She had no interest in any other subject - she'd never thought she'd make it this far. She did college because Uncle Tommy wanted her to do something. He didn't care what she did, he just wanted her to have an education so she could get a job - any job.

It was a dark time - especially declaring her major. So falling in love with the subject was imperative to her. Her favourite course in her four years was statistics in social sciences in her sophomore year. She also took a physics minor, despite being at absolute war with math - just because she liked the subject and her old high school teacher had encouraged she do something that gave her theory tidbits that she could apply in real life. She even took a honour's course in her minors, but flopped really badly and had to request her teacher for a retake of the test. And never again did she apply for another honour's course.

It was around this time she got close with her roommate, Stephanie. Graham. Steph was a biology student who wanted to become a doctor, so naturally she was at the books 24/7 but she also had this impeccable balance to her routine too. Before, they'd been strangers for a couple of months - only saying hellos and byes, but after a while, gradually they got to know they had a lot more in common. Nora introduced her to new films, while Steph helped her with any physics work she might have problems with - especially in the arena of math. Eventually, they became best friends, then kissed and then started dating. Pretty straightforward there lmfaooo. It took them like, four months.

Nora realised she was bi. Steph told her she was gay. They were closeted for a while - which meant angsty hand-holding in crowds, overly affectionate displays which people passed off as "gals being pals" and other shenanigans. They were pretty understanding. It was Steph's first relationship, so she was determined to do everything right - Nora once caught her googling "how to woo your girlfriend" and trying to learn the ukulele on Youtube.

Steph had a nice group of friends that Nora also got to know. It was such a refreshing change of pace from being constantly worn down at home. Nora learned how to cook fast, which saved their lives during tough exam weeks. They were quite the power couple in budgeting too. Nora learned a lot of stuff from Stephanie. They said their 'I love yous' and Nora could not get more happier.

College was just this happy, joyous time. Cliche for some, but it was a lot less miserable for Nora. She cherishes everything about it. From Steph's one-liners to her saying "fuck it" and kissing her right outside in the grass, with absolutely no care for in the world; them sharing a drink and just finding everything amusing - the time when they celebrated Steph's 21st birthday by driving to the middle of nowhere (the intended destination was Manhattan), the fuel tank empty, hitchhiking to a motel, getting almost murdered by the creepy old lady (they weren't lmao, they just read her wrong, but she did get in their space a lot) -- she loved every bit of college. Though she didn't have the "party" scenes or joining sororities or anything, she loved her girlfriend, loved her friends, she truly felt like she cared for something.

Eventually Steph had to move after graduation. She got into a med school on the East Coast. They kind of tried for a long distance, but knew it isn't likely and hence they just had to part ways. Nora felt horrible. She never got out of bed for days after graduation. Even now, she still experiences that occassional grief. They still stay in touch but it's sparse. Steph would go on to work as a vet, marrying her then-girlfriend. Nora got the hint that it was time to move on, knowing that she wasn't attracted to Steph, rather the idea of her and the stability she'd provided when she needed it the most.

College-Nora was everything Kid-Nora was not:

She gave a shit about her future

She stopped resorting to physical violence and extinguished her bubble of hatred

She kind of sought out for stability inside herself

She knew her parents' death could not be prevented and kind of took the first step in grieving and accepting it.

Finally, she talked to a proper therapist - albeit only for a few weeks before quitting it - but it was monumental she did something for her mental health.

Nora's interest in physics only heightened her interest in putting it to use in real life. Whatever she learns, she's looking for ways to put it into good use. She played once for a charity soccer game and her interest in Magnus Effect and projectiles made her dissect her kicks, estimate the velocity of the ball before kicking it and figure out where the problem was. It also shaped her into having insanely precise aims. She can't do grocery math, but can get a paper ball in a basket in one throw from years and years of conducting test runs to get a hole in one (and bored study sessions where she'd just go off trail to calculate angles - Steph did not like the amount of paper that flooded the room).

This really helped her in her physical training for the NYPD and even right now. It's a nice party trick, helps you corner perps if you're chasing them and breaks windows for some reason.

Nora's major requiring her to do some pre-requisite research also helped her in terms of "which" questions to ask while conducting an online or an offline search. She knows the ins and outs of a library, can narrow down a book for you in a second as well as figure out people's social media profiles, Linkedln, public work emails, a detailed history of everything from just the name and background details alone.

It helped her greatly in detective work and she's still perfecting the art of online sleuthing because most of her job consists of staring into her computer and collecting enough information as possible. If not, then going on foot. Asking the right questions helped her look for possible areas where the answer could be. This also made her develop an interest in riddles, but she wasn't good at them and would just give up because the answer's some stupid dumb pun half the time.

Also college gave her a morning routine to follow. She still follows it sometimes. The stuff she ate in college is what she eats to this day. The meals had never changed at all.

To sum it up, it was such a good time for Nora lmao. I am so sorry for rambling, tysm for reading <3

#nora rose #thorne rose headcanons #askboxed #anonymous

[disfrutalakia]

Can I pick yor brain to theorize a bit? So Blue won today which means they're leading. If we do a bit of math we can conclude that purgatory will end on the 18th (otherwise they could tie or it will last until the 20th which would be a bit more than 2 weeks). That would mean that if Blue wins two more times they win no matter what. The same way, if Red wins 3 more times they win no matter what.

The problem here is: no one has any concrete evidence for which is the cursed team yet. Some theorize is one, some want to be the other. But no one knows.

The Eye said guess or find out or something like it. But we don't know in what to base it. Should we base our guess in lore, in strength, in suffering, in meta?

The closest anyone got to the real truth was ElQuackity being offered to know in exchange for killing someone that day or he would die. Well, he didn't die so there's that. And he talked to the Eye again after that and didn't mention anything about it. So, did they just ignore that plot point or does ElQuackity know now which team is cursed but the audience doesn't?

You could argue that he wanted Blue and Green to tie BECAUSE he knew which team is cursed. He could either want Blue to lose so the cursed wins OR because he wanted the cursed to lose (since that would doom the eggs too).

ElQuackity has not logged since going to Blue so we can't test this theory well yet.

Or maybe the Eye is lying about the whole thing, which wouldn't be a surprise, and no one is cursed.

If by any God forsaken chance Green was the cursed team... F in chat to our eggs, you will be missed. The Gay Ninjas tried their best. There's no coming back from this one.

One of the tweets also said "May the best egg die". How does that work? What is "best" here based on?

The more I hear the Eye talk the less I fear him. Can't he threaten people better? He showed a video of the eggs running away like two months ago. Show them now you half-baked villain, we've known they ran away since the end of the happy pills arc. Do you actually even have them? Forever could do a stone Richarlyson at his home, you're not impressing anyone with this. Just cause your is bigger and has Pomme's beret it doesn't mean anything. (I hope. F Pomchas.)

Also, once again it begs the never answered question: What WOULD happen if they tied? What will Eye do if they don't do anything all day? Like, sure, if cursed loses is bad but if it's before the last day they didn't lose yet. Just that day (technically).

If we go meta, I think they didn't choose the cursed team yet and may do so only based on the results from the event. But that's boring so let's talk about lore and real fun things like that.

For me, the cursed team being whoever had ElQuackity on them is something that has some kinda of proofs, but at the same time wouldn't make that much sense. Like did the eye know from the beginning who would be the teams? And why would everything fall on ElQuackity? And would that mean that cursed team changed from green to blue? If the curse truly is on the person I mean.

And can I be real? The eye guy SUCKS as a villain, sure he is ominous and can see everything but guess what? So could the feds, and the eye plans are a lot worse than theirs which mean they are horrible cause like, the feds are the guy who sent a single worker on a boat to purgatory!! The eye is not what strikes fear really, it's the islanders minds that do, the ones that keep thinking of the what if, what if they lose? What if they are cursed? What if they never go back? I get what they were trying to do with the eye but it didn't really work, he isn't around enough to really strike fear on us. And like, not that we know a lot about the reasons of why the feds do their stuff, but why the egg hates sinners and eggs so much? Is he god? What is he?

Okay got a bit distracted sorry, the whole "may the best egg die" thing sounded more like just a play on words really, but what if the best one is the one who survives? What if the statues really were connected to the eggs and the ones who weren't killed will be considered the best? Doesn't make a lot of sense but honestly cannot think about other possibilities for that choice of words.

The tie also makes me confuses, when it was said they would all die, did they mean everyone including red? Or if not, would everyone just be sent to red and they would win by default?

I'm a believer that there isn't a cursed team really, that it's mostly a mind game from the egg part to see how low the islander can go, to see them running around like rats trying to survive while also hunting each other like wolves, because there are no clues for the players really, like we as an audience can have our theories based on millions of povs, but what about the islanders? they can't do that.

I would like there to be clue drops over the next days since we are so close to the end but, I don't think it will be the case really. I think the curse team doesn't exist and this will be revealed at the end.

#asks #god I missed having lore thoughts

[goldenpinof]

Yeah in my opinion Phil would still be up for some dapg and podcast and regular joint content and whatnot because he knows that 1) their audience (at least what’s left of it) loves it, 2) HE loves it, 3) Dan loves it. The problem is the usual: Dan wants to do something big and important so he can be taken seriously or whatever, but let’s be real — his attempts so far have led to mixed responses. The book? Wasn’t that great, we can say it now. DD? Still trying to figure out what it was for other than promo for the tour (and the content itself wasn’t good and so 2016). I still can’t believe he decided to ditch the gaming channel and joint content for *gestures vaguely* that. I wish him well and I’ll always root for him, but he really needs someone to give him career advice

i can't believe you're pulling me back with this shit redhgfs i was peacefully existing for weeks not thinking about Dan's failing career ffs. god help me!

RIGHT!!!!! all of what you said! not only career advice but also a reality check, and i mean it in a very nice way. i guess we can agree that he grew out of youtube and doesn't want to do it anymore (partially because of what happened with youtube originals. fuck them). and that's okay. and wanting something bigger, more serious, conceptual, and right for him is also okay. i support that. but every piece of, let's say, work he was trying to do outside youtube turned out to be tied to youtube anyway. and not because he wasn't trying hard enough (well, debatable), but because most of his experience that he is willing to talk about is either already mentioned on the platform or happened because of his youtube career. and also it's the best place to promote whatever he is doing, so he can't escape it unless he hires a marketing team and invests thousands of dollars in a real promo campaign. PHYSICAL as well (non-existent billboards and posters for wad shows will haunt me to death).

the book. i have a question (lots of them, but whatever). have you read it? and if yes, was it interesting from a fan's pov? and god, would i love to know the opinions of people who aren't familiar with Dan and his content. i bought the book in 2021, can't make myself read it because i'm afraid to get annoyed at him repeating himself.

yeah, i also can't believe he is too fucking stubborn to return to what clearly works for us and him with Phil. because it can be a side thing, and he can focus on his stand-up bullshit at the same time. on the other hand, i watched Lilly's interview with Anthony about how her late night show was taking ALL of her time and she couldn't continue to make youtube content. and i thought, maybe Dan is in the same situation. his new projects take everything? but there's a difference! he is not shooting 2-3 episodes per day. and for wad he delegated lots of work to other people. some of them did a shitty job, but that's a different topic. that's why i would pay my own money for dnp to talk about the work processes in detail. that could explain where all these weeks and months go. dd was shot within a few months, partly during the tour. so even that didn't take that much time. and i know there are scripts, and logistics, and rehearsals, and pitches to networks or whatever, and he is probably doing a lot of manager's work himself sometimes. but damn, math is not mathing.

#''I still can’t believe he decided to ditch the gaming channel and joint content for *gestures vaguely* that'' - my favourite sentence #answered #dan #dd #wad #bruhhh

[ieatsmallorphansnamedtom]

Okay I stumbled across your blog and I love it! 💖💖 I was reading your Isekaied farmer headcannons and it reminded me of an idea thats been living rent free in my head for too long now! Isekaied farmer but the world they are from is the bachelor(ette)'s favorite TV show?? Like they are the bachelor(ette)'s favorite fictional character kinda thing?? Idk do with it what you like I just needed to share!!

Bachelor(ette)s x Isekaied Character from Their Favourite TV Show

Firstly, I'm so sorry for the wait! Secondly, SKJHDSF thank you!!! Such a cool idea, I'd love to write for it! <3

Bachelors:

Sam

Somehow isn't freaking out. He's way to focused on the fact that his favourite character is standing right in front of him! He immediately takes you to his place and explains everything he can about how your reality is supposed to be purely fictional in this universe. He wants to hear everything!

Elliott

At first, he thinks you're just an amazing cosplayer and actor. But once you explain to him what's going on, he has a bit of a crisis. The directors of the show created something and clearly it became real, so does what he creates become real too? All the battles, deaths, heartaches - did it all really happen to someone, somewhere? Is he at fault?

Sebastian

Spits out his coffee when he sees you. Absolutely dumbfounded. For the first time in ten years, he goes up to a stranger and invites them to talk. He explains everything in perfect detail. You guys are well on track to finding out what's up. To be honest, he gets over it pretty quickly and learns to like you for who you are here, not there!

Harvey

Spits Out His Coffee Two: Electric Boogaloo. This guy also has a crisis, but not for the same reason as Elliott. His is more because this proves the existence of the multiverse, the ability to travel between them, and probably some cosmic entity that brought you here (or a truck). Super on edge around you, but he doesn't dislike you in any way. He's just nervous on how to get close to you.

Shane

He's super interested in what you have to say about your world. There's only so much a set can provide for worldbuilding. You two get drunk and talk about how different it must be living here now. I HC this man is too drunk/sleep deprived/annoyed to care about anything. He's just like 'alright. Well, that's gonna give me a crisis,' and goes about his day.

Alex

His brain is overloaded with information. He can barely comprehend letters in math. What is this? Why is the cute character from my favourite show moving into town? Am I dreaming? Probably! He becomes sort of protective of you. I mean, if you came here enemies might have as well!

Bachelorettes:

Penny

She's super flustered to see you. You're definitely from an obscure book from an even obscurer library so nobody but her recognises you. You'd certainly have to be the one to approach her. She's very cautious in helping you with your isekai issue, fearing it may mess things up even further.

Leah

Sweet Yoba, it's Bob Ross you! She walks up to you immediately pretending to not notice that you're her favourite character. She waits until you confide in her to admit she's known the whole time. She knows it must be pretty confusing for you, and she wants to give you time.

Abigail

Long, giddy stares from across the room. Everybody thinks she has a thing for you, when in reality she's just so excited to have the coolest person ever in the same room as her! A person who, frankly, shouldn't even exist! Very open with the isekai thing, talking about it in public (and getting confused stares as she does).

Maru

Before she says hello, she takes a few weeks to try and figure out why and how this has happened. When she eventually comes to the conclusion that she doesn't know, she invites you over and shows you the episodes you're featured in, explaining all the knowledge she has on the situation. Although she'd like to, she knows she can't risk just letting you stay.

Emily

She screams with delight at seeing you. A few others probably recognise you as well, so they're not as judgmental when she runs to you with open arms and wraps you in a big hug. Gives you a big tour of town and explains everything you need to know, even how to do a handshake.

Haley

She will NEVER approach you. It's just lots of confused staring from across the fountain or room. Is that really them? It can't be! When you talk to her, she's really awkward and flustered. I mean, who wouldn't be? It's you! Despite never talking to you however, she does make an active effort to be near you.

-~-~-

Once again, sorry for the wait! I really like this prompt. Thank you for the ask! <33

#stardew valley #sdv #sdv headcanons #stardew valley headcanons #sdv sam #sdv elliott #sdv sebastian #sdv harvey #sdv shane #sdv alex #sdv penny #sdv leah #sdv abigail #sdv maru #sdv emily #sdv haley #ieatsmallorphansnamedtom

[sitorrothekitsune]

Alright. So. The blog I reblogged this post from deleted their original post, and maybe even blocked me, but I think what I said was actually important so I deleted my post and anonymized it. This is the original post:

And this is the original response from my end:

Hey, I don’t know who or what this group involved, and I’m not saying it’s not wrong, but I’ve actually done this to somebody before. And at least in my case, it was a complete accident.

I was in a Roleplay with somebody and our characters had good chemistry. I was enjoying it. I had typed out this really long response, pressed send, and thought nothing of it. I get a response like five minutes later, but I was kinda done writing for the day so I put it off until the next.

I looked at it the next day and had no ideas on where to take it from there, but I think I’m a pretty good writer, so I knew I’d think of something. Fast forward a couple days and I get a text from the guy. Just checking up on me. He asked me if I was still feeling the desire to continue, and I said yes. I was having fun. But every time I looked at that message, I didn’t know how to respond. I didn’t know how to own up to that, and I don’t think I would be able to still today. Well, a couple days turned into a week, and then into two. He already knew I was a slow writer, but he was starting to get really concerned. It was every day that I got a message, and every day that I told him I still wanted to do it. And one day, I finally owned up to it. Told him my shame. And he blocked me. Ghosted me. And I still haven’t been able to apologize.

Partially, this post is my apology to him. If you ever see this, dude, I’m sorry. This was never about you or your character. I was too invested in the story, and I was too caught up in my own shit to admit that I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to ask because I was always slightly jealous of how easily it came to you.

But this is partially to say that creativity is hard, and no matter how good someone is at creating a story, it’s hard to sit down and put pen to paper. This is especially true for TTRPGs where you not only have to make the story, but also do all the background math, balancing, character sheets, scheduling, and all this other stuff.

I love RP, DnD, and TTRPGs. I’d pick up another in a heartbeat. But it’s hard, and I don’t want to cast blame on creators for not being able to keep up the pace. At least they tried.

That about sums up my end, but I’ll leave with these final thoughts. These stories are the brainchildren of their creators, and most of the time are given so much thought and attention that they feel real. This gets people excited and emotionally engaged, but comes at a hefty cost. The people experiencing the story can never go back to being bystanders. They are as much of the story as the world is. And this can be a death sentence…

Some of my readers may be unfamiliar with this feeling. “How’s that? It’s just make-believe.” One might say. But the feeling I’m talking about is one more primal. You don’t consciously realize it’s there until it’s gone…

Thanks for reading my little rant if you got this far. I’m sorry to talk about something so frustrating. I just don’t think it’s fair to throw shade at people if they had good intentions. I’m not saying that the DM from OP’s situation did either, I wasn’t there. But we should “never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” (Hanlon’s Razor)

#sitorrothekitsune #not a shitpost #dnd #dnd5e #ttrpg #roleplay #writers of tumblr #writing community

[ilgaksu]

So, please tell me about how DMBJ: Ultimate Note "occupies a complex place" in your heart. 👀

Oh, boy. Okay.

I don't think Ultimate Note is a good show in terms of pacing, but then I don't think the majority of DMBJ adaptations I've seen are, so it's not exceptional. Ultimate Note was also my gateway drug/entry-level position I was hired for at the franchise, so to speak. So it naturally is in "I didn't say it was good, I said I enjoyed it" territory for me.

The personal aspect is that the person I was when I first sat down for Episode One, First Time Watching of Ultimate Note is a different person to me now, so much as to be just...beyond unrecognisable. If the past is a different country then that version of me is a stranger I just want desperately to hug and tell it's going to be okay - not just yet, but it will be. I think we have to practise empathy for who we were, and I was a very frightened, isolated, panicking person who had reached a breaking point and then fallen right through it and kept falling and kept falling - and then, when I hit the ground, had to figure out how to get up. The fact that when I watched Ultimate Note I felt Something was significant. It had become easy, and very normal, for me to feel like an outsider in the world, and then I had relearn what my place in the world was going to be, and having this show and my interest in it helped sustain me. I actually had multiple friends, God love them, try and bravely watch the show - mostly just because of how I had a visible reaction when talking about it. If you've ever doubted someone loves you, see how long they can last through the billionth parasite arc in a tomb-raiding franchise when they aren't even in the same fandom.

(Obviously, I have a LOT of feelings about Hei Xiazi as a disabled person and how that plays into my love for him, and my way of interacting with him in fics. I can talk about that too but this ask is already so long AND IT'S ABOUT TO GET EVEN LONGER, so. Another time I guess?)

I think it might seem strange to people, for someone to stay writing in a fandom so long and so consistently, without any seeming outside influence from the wider fandom. Like, I did the maths recently and on average, it's something like a fic or a fic update every two weeks for nearly three years. The only way I can put it is this. Writing HeiHua as a result of Ultimate Note at first, and then the other adaptations, really felt like the actions of a person who was not so much writing as curled, full-body, around a very small and guttering flame in a very, very dark room, refusing to let it go out.

And I really think that when something provides that for you, it doesn't matter how long for and how much it means you have to reckon with the past or how many years it's been since maybe you stopped engaging with it (although I haven't yet, but you see my point), you just adore it. But like, let's be real. Let's have some common sense here. A-ning wouldn't have looked like that after days dead in the jungle. I'm not asking for absolute forensic realism, but anything would've been appreciated. A-ning dying at all is part of a long, long history of women's pain for men's journeys. For every xenophobic take one of the adaptations has on an indigenous culture, I wish I could buy myself a coffee to stare sadly into, but then I would run out of money and have to peddle my wares door-to-door and all I have to sell is more HeiHua, and I'm just saying nobody has come calling to ask me to write the next movie for them, so.

But for real, I think all the time about that quote about how sometimes, reading something is like someone out of space and time reaching out to you and holding your hand. And like, I don't need Ultimate Note as an emotional crutch anymore. It's comforting, but my life is...just, so, so much bigger than it was when I started. The love is still there, and still as intense, just life is better and I get to savour my enjoyment even more now. And also criticise it. And also I have to keep busy making new women OCs forever because the more of the canon ones NPSS knocks off, the more I worry about the fictional depopulation of the DMBJ universe.

#asks #persimmonyms