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#and I know some ppl Im still friends with still interact at least somewhat with some of these ppl
arrowpunk · 9 months
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I am beating myself over the head with a rolled up newspaper trying to get my brain to stop being paranoid and inherently suspicious of everyone.
Just because people have been terrible to me in the past and treated me like shit and only cared about me because I provided something to them does not mean Everyone I meet is like that! Friendship is a good and wonderful thing!!!! Just because I was bad at picking friends and people have taken advantage of me and my kindness does not mean everyone I will meet just wants to use and take advantage of me!
I hate how inherently suspicious I've become and I don't want to be this way but I am also so so so afraid of being hurt in the same ways again. Because there isn't much that hurts more than finding out that people you trusted and had been friends with sometimes for multiple years, only cared about you insofar as you were useful to them in some way. And then treat you like shit and toss you to the curb as soon as you are no longer capable of providing whatever it is they were using you for.
And this has happened to me... A good few times. And I feel so blind and stupid every time and it's just!!!!! Fucked me up!!! And I don't know how to recover and stop being inherently afraid of befriending people and loving people and pouring my time and effort and heart and soul into people.
#ramblings of an arrow#aaaaaaaaaaugh#I know that not everyone is like those people#its just so so so scary when the most recent person was someone I trusted sooooooo much#until suddenly the other shoe dropped#and its just that the most recent one was so scary and is still scary because they said things to other ppl I had been friends with#who just very suddenly with no warning turned around and treated me as if I was the devil incarnate#when I had literally no idea what Id done#AND STILL DONT#and im trying so so so hard not to be paranoid#but Im still so afraid itll happen again#and that people wont even try to get my perspective on things and drop me with no warning and say scathing things if I ask about it#because its happened before#and I know some ppl Im still friends with still interact at least somewhat with some of these ppl#and thats fine they can do what they want!#most ppl dont even really know what happened#but its. terrifying on my end sometimes#not knowing whats been said about me and not knowing if ppl secretly think im horrid and just wont say anything to me about it#and it makes trusting new people and trying to make new friends so fucking terrifying#because what if it turns out like that Again#what if I am a Fool again#they say no love is wasted but there really are some ppl that I used to love that I wish I had never met and never trusted and never lovef#and if I could erase the impact we had on each others lives I would in a fucking heartbeat and feel no remorse#because in the end they only made me a worse person and I only enabled their shitty behavior for way too long#and I wish I never met them because I still cant think of a single good thing that actually came from knowing them#im a worse paranoid scared suspicious person because of it and Im afraid of making new friends and I HATE being afraid to care about ppl
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76l0 · 1 year
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fucked up how you can expel somebody from your mind for like seven years or whatever and then it the thoughts can just come back <3 like im not doing as bad as i was summer 2021 but it's basically every day it's... fun???? but that's not enough and it can't be healthy anyway but i can't get help for this it's so stupid. i dont kno anything about this kinda thing but im sure a therapist would just b like "grow up n find a man" a conservative leaning one would be like find one man a lib leaning one would be like find 50 men except they wouldnt use the word men *eyeroll*
i love them so much. the fact they're a bit stupid and a casualty of conservatism and religion and every other sexist thing. that's not their fault. believing things that aren't at all true like that everyone who thinks genderism is stupid is some jesus freak trad-ass... you're stupid but it's not your fault. anyway stupidity is lovable . i really still feel this deep love maybe more than ever bcuz i know nothing can come from this feeling but i still feel this love. this love could be used to provide electricity to a town of about 60k ppl at least
from the first fricking interaction where we both in line to watch the costume contest at animaritime 2011 and i asked some question about the manga they bought but they didnt hear me but my friend did LOL and they weren't even cute then they were just a plain and greasy 15 year old but like teenage girls should be allowed to be plain and kinda gross looking (uhh same b4 i turned like 17) i bet they never remembered being in that line with me or that was me LOL well it doesn't matter.
im willing to admit somewhat that i love an idea. which is fine bcuz other ppl can fit that idea. Potentially. i fit this idea somewhat too. it's not even that specific and complicated i don't think. anyway aaaah i'll stop now. stop writing that is. hmm but i love the love i felt reading those deviantart journals i have a bunch of them saved cuz im problematic like that. love to know about someone's cringiest cringe. i suppose a lot of it is (current and past) me loving (past) me. so many of my life choices are me trying to be like an anime character, whether consciously or unconsciously. it's funny that i didn't watch or read death note when i was a teenager bcuz i really was like misa about them. i really am like misa about them. i think sooooo much of my personality is just copied off anime characters (nagato yuki being the big one) but not this but it couldve been copied off misa if i had actually watched death note then LOL but it's not cuz i didn't but like aaaaah i was so cute and so in love but it didn't help!!!!!! but whatever will stop writing for real now
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shoezuki · 3 years
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ok so like i been Thinkin a lot on that stream techno had today and i may be Thinkin Too Much cuz i was doing psychology while watching but im going to say Words Now
the entire idea and Plot of tommy going from only interacting/being manipulated by dream to only interacting with techno is a Lot. theres a lot here. and i am feasting like a fucking king on the potential of it and what this could all Mean
I think we’re building up the idea of how techno and dream differ and how they house both similarities and extreme differences in their ideals. 
So if we considered how Tommy’s arcs have changed theres a very, VERY clear juxtaposition between the exile arc to.... raccoon arc? whatever the fuck is goin on
Tommy Was manipulated, isolated, and gaslit by dream. that was the only guy he really had interacted with and that was Intentional entirely. Its very obvious this will have and currently has an affect on tommy. 
Now, he’s with technoblade. theres a lot of shit that can be read in this simply as considered right now. I feel we’re clearly supposed to at least somehow compare dream and technoblade because their positions are somewhat similar concerning how they are interacting with tommy. 
Tommy can only really interact with techno, only techno really has the ability to see him (although ranboo, ghostbur, and phil could see him but theres obvious difficulties in their case), and how tommy regards technoblade is.... complicated. like how he regards dream at the moment.
but theres some really, really important and clear differences in this that i think will show a lot about techno’s character and what’s to come
first of all, there’s a question of why techno is seemingly ‘letting’ tommy live with him. No joke, i’ve discussed this a LOT in the technocord and it’s made me realize it from a different perspective since many of those people in there are from Before techno joined the smp.
so, there’s no clear ‘rational’ reason why techno would benefit from teaming with tommy. there’s some arguments that could be made; tommy’s position with people and especially tubbo, using tommy as a bargaining chip with dream, and something else i cant remember. but the technocord hardcore ppl feel tommy is a liability in the long term. techno doesn’t really have much to gain beyond a distraction. the idea of using tommy in order to convince him he’s getting the disks and then to destroy lmanberg is kinda.... its jus more trouble to techno. In fact, it wouldve been defendable for techno to kick him out; he stole his stuff, and we saw how he reacted to his cows being killed, his previous base being pillaged. You’d have thought techno wouldve been angrier.
but like. that aside. there’s little reason for techno to open up to tommy. and thats the point.
there’s no necessity on techno’s part. he doesnt need tommy. he could kick him out easily. but he won’t. 
I imagine technoblade sees the trauma and hardship tommy went through and he sympathizes with him. Its been made clear that techno doesnt know the full extent of what happened, but he doesnt need to. he knows enough. 
Now, back to the happenings of the last stream,
it wasnt plot heavy at all. (mostly because techno’s fuckign glasses are held together with SCOTCH TAPE the guy couldnt even fucking use ducttape i hate that) but there were a Few interesting things, including the Plot Stream a bit;
the ‘box’ techno made with the idea of hiding tommy from dream. (perhaps a joke but it still shows something i feel)
how he’s been giving tommy a Lot of stuff. he hasnt Genuinely been upset at his golden apples being taken; in fact, techno gave him more food in protest of him eating all the gapples instead of.... demanding them back
went mining in the nether with the intention of getting tommy better stuff
he replaced the log he accidentally stripped. extremely funny considering he got the wrong type of wood but he tried
expending more resources on tommy with invisibility potions so that he wasnt in danger of being seen
Repeatedly would assure tommy that dream Is Not His Friend.
at the idea of tommy being ‘banned’ from the nether and being attacked in lmanberg, techno laughed at the idea of him being ‘attacked’ and killed even when tommy worried that he’d die for the Last Time
implicated that techno WOULD defend him. and the idea of someone killing Either him or tommy was funny because of that
okay so slight comparison to dream; techno is instead GIVING tommy resources instead of blowing them up, he’s obviously intent on protecting him in some way, and he assures tommy that dream is No Good (rather than how dream was telling tommy no one cared about him)
But there’s one instance that was really, really important to me
the control room had a very bad impact on tommy. most likely a panic attack (the shaking, heavy breathing, scattered speech/thought is something i know so intimately lmao) and techno’s reaction to it was extremely interesting. 
first, techno said he was ‘freaking out for no reason’ which could be a) techno is horrific at emotions and vulnerability lmao and b) to Him, it Is nothing. he has no clue what tommy had been through. 
He repeatedly asked what was wrong. what had happened in that room. He pressed Slightly. but as soon as tommy said he didnt want to talk about that, techno instantly backed off and said its alright. specifically, he said:
“It’s fine, no one recovers in a day tommy. Healing is a long process, it’s fine.”
that shit hit me like a freight train. Mostly i didnt expect anything to come from this stream like that but FUCK LMAO.
The biggest thing is, i think technoblade is going to help tommy heal from the dream shit and get back on his feet. 
but also, even though im not entirely sure i need to see more, tommy will get techno to be more caring. We know philza is the only one techno is really close to, and ghostbur as well. both of which either weren’t involved in betraying techno, or doesnt remember it. i see it pointed out that techno is going at tubbo and his government rather than dream, but i think it makes sense. 
dream technically hasnt challenged techno’s ideals or what he wants; while tubbo stole from him, used him as a weapon, and reinstated a government despite everything techno was saying. 
Tommy took part in betraying him, thats without a doubt. but tommy was also screwed over by the government in place. so techno empathizes with him. maybe they dont fully trust each other, but thats a work in progress. and it will progress to technoblade trusting tommy despite their past, and realizing that dream is in a position of power over Everyone. 
tl:dr: tommy is going to heal with techno’s help and full come to terms with/realize what dream did to him, and techno is going to realize he CAN trust people and that dream has been the one pulling the strings all along
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Toko! I was thinking of creating an ask the character blog for IDV or Genshin Impact and wanted a few tips on how to start off. Anything you can share?
ey yo my dude!! thank you so much for this question, now im lowkey tempted (again) to make a genshin ask blog sjadhlkshgkahshglsaj anyway my 1.5 cents is under the cut, yall know how much i talk here HAHAHAHAH
uhhhhhh so i guess we start with picking a character u really Vibe with tm? I KNOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE COMMON SENSE BUT LIKE ive been considering making a genshin ask blog for a while now but i never really got to it cos i couldnt really decide on a character (plus the fact that their outfits are. so intricate. is also a hmm since i try to follow details to a t) (at first i wanted to do zhongli, but i feel like to be able to muse him well u need to know the lore super super well, which i dont n im too lazy to research on that aha. n u know how much i respect characterizations, especially for such a complex character like him. i also considered xiangling for a period of time mostly for guoba but also like i have 2+1 blogs here n having one more might not be a very good idea aha) (as for aesop he was my Hyperfixation Character tm also cos i looked at his kit n went Yep i could work with this. probably)
so assuming ur not a dumbass like me n u kinda know who u wanna pick, id actually say to snoop around here for other ask blogs n kinda get a feel of the... scene? is that the word? or like u know, other blogs that u can potentially vibe with. ive run a couple of ask blogs before this current one (both that have died for different reasons) n from my experience interacting with other blogs (if theyre okay with it, i think most should be) is pretty fun. it also kinda helps get ur blog around to other ppl on other blogs so they can go Oh whats this cool shit n check u out, n its also a reason why we kinda reblog promo posts for other blogs (also cos we’re always excited when someone new comes on, its really the more the merrier. we see all :eyes:). interacting with other blogs is also an option when ur inbox is looking real roomy too
another reason why i havent exactly done a genshin blog is that idk i cant actually seem to find genshin ask blogs around (i have seen rp blogs, or those that answer asks with mostly text instead of art, but thats. not my thing since i hate my own writing aha) (i did find one aether blog some time ago, but for some reason i hardly see them around anymore??? idk man i might be wrong). its not like im trying super hard to find them ask blogs, so im sure they exist out there (hopefully?? im not sure but im being optimistic). i mean theres nothing wrong with just starting an ask blog without others around, but for me i do find a difference when i interact with other ask blogs n when i dont, n i prefer when theres others to have fun with (unfortunately i couldnt find any ask blogs to interact with in my previous fandom. i tried, but the blogs i approached seemed to go inactive shortly afterwards...) plus u get to meet friends that way too :D (i made a lot of friends via idv askblogs n its really been a joy vibing with others)
as for the idv scene. gestures around me. unfortunately there are a lot of ask blogs that arent that active anymore, but theres still some of us who are alive n kicking empty inboxes, n im sure everyone would love to see a new face around. winks at u. also there seems to be a lot more blogs popping up lately, which is really heartening to see.
then u kinda just. make ur blog? n a starting introduction post so ppl can reblog it n spread the word XD n yay u have a blog i guess??? XD
i gotta say tho. dont expect ur blog to take off immediately (especially for smaller fandoms like idv, tvbh i didnt think my blog would even get half this far when i started cos of how non existent idv tumblr seemed to be) n ur inbox will probably be looking pretty empty a lot of the time (or at least filled with some that u havent quite thought of how to reply to yet aha) (but also like empty inboxes happen pretty often, im sure most of us here have experienced this problem)
in the case of the first ask blog i ever started, it never really took off at all. ngl it was kind of demoralizing n depressing but to be fair i had picked one of the more obscure characters in the series, so obscure that many ppl in the fandom would have never heard of this character before. if u wanted to know, i took a character that only appeared in the 2nd musical of the series, who also made a very brief cameo in the manga to acknowledge his existence within that universe. thats how obscure my character was, but i went with him purely because he was my favourite character. i will say though i did enjoy it while it lasted n i learnt a lot from the experience, n i think thats whats important really.
i guess this kinda leads on (not really but let me digress) to the whole uhhhh thing where if u choose a more popular character, u get more attention. which is fine i guess? if u really vibe with the character, i mean theyre popular for a reason. n choosing a more popular fandom (like genshin) would objectively also get u more viewers n numbers. but like honestly i believe that ask blogs are meant for u to have fun with, n like trying to get popular gets tiring pretty fast (this shouldnt be like a main goal, but u know sometimes u subconsciously also want that gucci follower count n bomb ass notes or something. i used to be guilty of this until i realized it isnt worth it) especially if ur not enjoying yourself in the process. (case in point: my previous fandom was considerably larger n my blog got about 700 followers within a year or so, but it got very tiring n stressful to maintain after my interest in it died, n no one was really interacting with the blog even though i tried which kinda made it even more depressing despite the so called success n popularity of the blog)
anyway on a less serious note, theres a lot of fun stuff u can do with the ask blog, like some ask blogs have really fancy tags that i really like n try to do but also like not really HAHAHAHA. i kinda just channel what i want to see in an ask blog into my own ask blogs (good art is one, i try very hard for it to be good :,DD another is characterization, n others is just extra miscellaneous arts n stuffs like au ideas or memes. these are also somethings u could work on during ask box downtimes perhaps)
uhhh another side thing is like a posting schedule i guess? like ppl would be more likely to interact (i think) if ur blog is relatively active, n this is usually determined by the last post u made (i think XD). but like generally for blog maintenence id say try to kinda find a frequency that ur comfortable with?? cos i know my once a day posting is kinda insane if i wasnt so hyperfixated on all of this n fight the urge to dump all ur replies when u finish them XD (though ive seen some blogs do that n they do it pretty frequently so its pretty nice to know once u see their post u can spend some time going through the latest batch of posts XD) the queue function is pretty useful here even though i truthfully have never really used it, i kinda just post from my drafts really but it also helps to space out ur content to seem somewhat active especially when u dont have the time to be working on replies sometimes. i hope u know what im trying to say here aha
ANYWAY that was like my 1.5 cents cos i dont even think its worth 2 cents HAHAHAHAH these are just my thoughts from running all my blogs up till now, some that are still running n the others that have just died a natural death. i wouldnt actually delete them (theyre still around actually XD) cos theyre kinda like archives n i can look back at what i did last time. cos ngl i made some high quality stuff back then, n i dont even know how i managed to do that aldhflhdsgk. also ppl do look at archive blogs every now n then for the content thats there yknow
BUT YES anyway if u do decide to join the idv ask blogs hmu, ill be sure to give u a lil shoutout here. winks
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grxceblqckthxrn · 4 years
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hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((
MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW
what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?
Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia
which scene in the book was your favorite?
EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James  (aside from the whispering room ofc).
what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?
ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((
what scenes were unsatisfactory?
there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)
but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later
what made you laugh the most?
matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said
what bored you?
this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem
also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!
what disappointed you?
cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.
what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?
see above.
what things did you predict that came true?
JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK
what are some things that were really unexpected?
ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:
- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((
-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((
-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl
-liking jesse as much as i did
-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho
-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it
- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him
are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?
yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)
are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?
I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.
who was your favorite new character?
does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!
what places in the book would you like to visit?
that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl
did you like the ending?
ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((
what did you think of the epilogue?
i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this
what are your thoughts on the engagement?
i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.
what did you want to see that didn’t happen?
matthew getting therapy periodt
umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.
what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?
i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug. 
what is your favorite pairing as of now?
jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.
which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?
CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER 
ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass
matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu
what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?
ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life
and barbara!! she seemed so sweet 
which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?
ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.
oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies
which characters got what they deserved?
literally. none of them yet. :(
who should have died but didn’t?
Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent 
what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?
okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but
what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?
THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy
which pairing do you like the least?
alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol
what are some theories you have for chain of iron?
- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane
- the bracelet will break (?)
- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book
-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.
what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?
lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)
anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT
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kendrixtermina · 4 years
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Cindered shadows Reaction
tl;dr - Fodlan is a crapsack world and I want to strangle Rhea (or break Amyr on her again). Yuri is a very good contrast to the others and a cool addition to the ‘verse  for all that he is basically Joker XD
I took live notes while playing
One thing to take note of here is the house leader’s “canonical” classes (Fortress Knight/Warrior, Hero/Paladin, Assasin/Wyvern ride, though some of those assume the budding talents to be unlocked already) as well as just more of a look into what their dynamic is when they’re together - as such well-contrasting characters I always thought it was a shame that they didn’t interact more so I’m glad for this
 Edelgard is always somewhat standoffish/ closed off and generally the ‘logical’, least personable one, Claude is surface-level friends with both. Dimitri would like to think they are full-on BFF, calls Claude “my friend”, defends him etc. Claude’s friendship with Edelgard is very banter-driven, but there (the bit where she says “wow this trap could have been your idea” and hes flattered). Of course both of these carry over into their post-timeskip interactions especially when they part on good terms (Dimitri always does, and Edelgard easily can part with him on good terms, but Claude, though he doesn’t like the thought of them dying,  wouldn’t take risks on either them) - and of course it’s Claude who proposes the feast after the mock battle where they all eat together. Edelgard and Dimitri were never friendly (at least not during the academy), but at this point they’re civil. 
Claudes Dialogues are BRILLIANT like he really shines in this one (Edelgard probably gets the least exposure but all of this is set before the reveal, so she has to keep her cards close to her chest - Or maybe there just cant ever be enough Edelgard for me lets be honest)
First impression of the Ashen Wolves is that they’re all very dramatic with a lot of bluster (Hapi being the contrasting exception but over-the-top in concept) - they have really been the Kings of their own little world, having a lot of free reign underground, accountable to few and throwing down for the heck of it
So it’s Yuri Leclerc and he was adopted by a Kingdom noble, the same Gwendal and Lonato served  and who dies if Arianrhod is blasted, but it seems like unlike wish Ashe who was taken into the family this was just a temporary gig for him
That makes him a commoner, which by itself is a big difference from the other three. Dimitri is and always was the crown prince whereas Edelgard suddenly ascended the sucession list due to tragedy and Claude has a much doubted claim on both sides of the border
I suspected he was going to be from the kingdom as we already had the Alliance, the Empire and the token Foreigner accounted for - also ‘Yuri’ is a slavic name like ‘Dimitri’ - though being adopted he isn’t necessarily from there
(Later we learn that he was in fact born in a village in the Kingdom)
Also liked the callback to count Gloucester’s sheming and how he had Balthus spy on Claude
They do go through some work to flesh out Abyss and make it feel lived in as a sort of society. 
Just look at that very very makeshift classroom. Few down there were getting any sort of education before Aelfric set this up
They do something clever here where Balthus tells you part of why he’s wanted, prompting the question of everyone else’s stories
This idea of a wretched hive beneath the Church reminds me of Amsterdam where the big church was in the prostitutes’ quarter and they actually had flourishing trade agreements going on
But as a hiding place for outcasts it shows us all the uglyness about fodlan and how much persecution/ need for change there really is (Really wants me to play Crimson Flower again. Or Verdant Wind.)
There’s people “chewed up by the Nobility”
Duscurians and Almyrans
Many in the church want the place “purged”, Rhea wouldnt go so far but is at the very least unsympathetic
Tons of Banned Books (is this where Seteth puuts them?) Claude and Linhardt have a field day over it
That poor woman (probably Dagdan since she talks of a war) who was persecuted for believing in other religions (which was a thing under Rhea - I’ve been saying it, Shamir and Cyril are “allowed” because they work for Rhea which to her is the same as believing, both are “working for her family/ for us instead of against us” because Sothis is not just her god but someone she knows personally)
Yuri and his trouble are a sort of quasi-police or keeping order, reporting to Aelfric. As his second in command Yuri is a sort of “prince” and already lead his own bandit troupe, or perhaps more a chieftain than a prince, he’s a leader, an authority but not an inherited one but 100% selfmade, he comes from nothing - People call him “boss”,
One wonders if he already dressed in this noncomforming manner before comming to the abyss
He is very very self-reliant, decides and opines for himself, gives Byleth backtalk, very much a natural leader who owns his influence entirely to that natural-leader ness 
Byleth asks very good, very direct questions 
Hilda, Linny and Ashe are here because of their connection to the Abyss characters and the information they can provide - Ashe knows Yuri, Linny knows his book lore, Hilda heard rumors from Holst...
Here we get to appreciate why Claude keeps Hilda around she knows all the gossip, all the ‘local’ information that Claude doesn’t have, she’s an excellent info source
Lets appreciate that it was those three specifically because they were slacking off
Ppl say there the church scorns them pretty much I like how they’re no longer even pretending that the church is nice
The four MCs, meanwhile, might all have ended up here in a different life; If El had escaped the experiments she could’ve been like Hapi, Claude was already an outcast, Jeralt fled with Byleth as a refuge(or could have been sent there as a mercenary to torment the locals and then decided to stay there instead), maybe not young!Dimitri, but timesskip Dimitri was outright a vagabond and says in his lecture questions that he travelled many places and temporarily lived in slums he didn’t go full murdery until a few years in, as Gilbert recounts
AU where they all grew up  or met in the Abyss is what im saying, and the four MCs and Yuri team up. The slitherers still stir up war, perhaps Duke Aegir or Arundel made themselves Emperor etc. 
Characteristically, Dimitri really likes the idea of a secret haven for the outcasts (see all his dialogues about “acceptance” and general ‘help-the-orphans’ thing) - but also characteristically he’s a bit of a tool for the status quo- “Claude don’t be rude this guy is giving out charity~” but the issues Dimtri the issues they shouldn’t need to hide anyways and this is why I prefer the ‘revolutionary’ routes (CF and VW) - though to his credit Dimitri does do charity and stop ppl being poor when he’s king. 
Claude is absolutely having a field day, this is right in the way of his “Political program” - “What you’re helping the poor and downtrodden by barely tolerating them in a sunless hole where they have to hope the church doesn’t decide to purge them” They basically live in ever present danger
Bit sad that they had Edelgard “tied up” catching up with Constanze rather than stating a reaction to the abyss as a whole though it’s probably very deliberate that she keeps her cards close to her chest - As constance asks “What is the princess doing here?” - investigating that’s what. She mostly asks questions or voices conclusions - shes certainly also investigating for her own purposes
But of course Dimitri and Ashe, pure as always, immediately want to help the locals
Edelgard meanwhile is thinking strategy, talking of capturing and interrogating the enemy
Of Yuri ppl tell you both that he’s a real scoundrel/ “our scoundrel” - he loooks out for them so they obey him, “when I say jump they jump” - a Mafia leader of sorts. He’s like Claude in the ‘motivating ppl through taking care of their interest’ parts but claude’s alliances are looser and no one does “jump” like Yuri projects authority, its not quite the honor loyalty Dimitri inspired because he “pays”, Edelgard projects authority but it’s loyalty to the cause more than personal loyalty, and she’s an ideologue and inspires the same in her followers theres no “pay” from Edelgard. She warns you that you might die and that’s it. She is the same herself. 
I think Yuri would die for another the way that Claude and Edelgard would not, like when Aelfric got his mom putting her in danger was never an option. I don’t think you could pressure Edelgard with a hostage, she’d just be like “Hostage-kun, I won’t let your death be in vain” and then tell their captors to screw themselves. 
He has things in common with all the others - he has a certain honor and a people-driven leadership style like Dimitri (rather than ideals-driven like Edelgard, Claude and Seteth) - though unlike Dimitri his honor is only for the “in” group, he cares about protecting his turf, his people... and nothing else. Thus he doesn’t fit into the revolutionary (Edelgard, Claude) vs restorer (Dimitri, Seteth) dichotomy because he’s not concerned with the system as a whole - he doesn’t like it or have faith in it, but he will absolutely work with it when it suits his aims (such as when he makes his own alliance with the church behind Aelfric’s back, or just working with Aelfric in the first place)
This alliance is probably also supposed to give a reason why the Wolves would sttick with the church later (though Hapi’s non CF supports talk alot about reforming the crap institution that it is) even though they mostly have reason to dislike them
Like Edelgard he is calculating and ruthless more than Dimitri or Claude. (He laughts at peeps who fell in his trap) But you couldn’t see Yuri sacrificing an ally like Edelgard does (like with Dimitri the people come before the plan) and Yuri often markedly does NOT tell allies what they’re getting into while El makes a big point of telling everyone the risks and allowing them the chance to step out
In a way he’s Claude with a edge but without the big vision. Yuri is the most small-picture, Claude the most big-picture of the lords
They also have a different relationship with trust - some describe Yuri as “devoted to his own but too trusting” , he says it’s a choice... but he is never really fooled, just pretending to be, he solves a great part of his plot on his own. 
Like Claude and Seteth he prefers to play it safe/ know he can win (though Claude and Yuri arent against calculated risks) whereas Edelgard and Dimitri will do what they think is right with no guarantee of victory and don’t care much if it kills them or their followers
Otherwise tho they have a lot in common and are fast friends XD Yuri makes some great observations “Wow look at you three trying to suss out each other’s motivations must be exhausted”
“Doesnt take a title to have an agenda“ - Yuri and Claude are really... a “takes one to know one” situation
Claude tells us they generally get along tho (”Any misunderstanding might spark a war... ”... yeah)
Likewise, Yuri immediately gets that Claude’s friendliness is esentially “maintaining neutrality” more than actual allegiance
Yuri also seems relatively forward in romantic matters which is unlike the others lol
Remember how I was frantic for Claude/Linhardt or Claude/Hubert friendship content? Here’s another great team that ought to have interacted more, I could even see them working romantically assuming that Claude would be so inclined. 
Hapi/Sylvain, too! Because they’re both cynics
But despite her cynism Hapi is also characterized as considerate
Yuri likes board games! hes in the board game squad with Hubert, Claude, Sylvain and Edelgard. The Board Game squad is incidentally the Best Characters club
 He’s not big picture and only develops something like that toward the end of his support chain (to fight poverty)
So in a sense his style and the hole in it is more like Byleth’s own - he learnt practical leadership in the field and applies it for those he likes. He’s more self-directed
aaand more undercover fun
It seems that both the slitherers and Alferic were after the Chalice at the same time - the Death Knight’s presence hints at it, Metodey’s confirms it. So far I’d assumed he was one of Edelgard’s loyalists like Ladislava but it seems he works directly for Arundel, Edelgard is not too friendly with him and accuses him of “Disrespecting her house” 
Since Aegir was in power during the Bridgid and Dagda war, the slitherers could definitely have had something to do with how Constance’s family was treated, if they were onto her secret - I don’t see how Aelfric could have done it
Bold of El to order Jeritza away in broad daylight. At this point she’s probably come to accept that no orders are gonna keep him from Fiting PPl where he can, especially her she is a very tough opponent
I trusted Aelfric until he spoke. The voice is... its not a good guy voice. Same with how the eyes are drawn
then he called people “his flock”
“They are charitable only when it suits them”
“they have eyes and ears everywhere”
Yeah. I’ve always said that Rhea is like one of those millionaires who give their pocket change to charity but then support policies that keep people poor. Hopefully no one will keep arguing that she cares about the poor or the disenfranchised. 
“Her grace thinks its a nuisance”- This tells us alot. Alfric had to convince Rhea to give half a rats ass about the poor but still speaks of her with honorifics. That’s the crack in his soul right there
I also love how Yuri protests whenever anyone - the church etc make plans for him, hes very self-governed
Hapi, Lysithea, El and Byleth should have a “victims of human experimentation” support group
Alternatively, Cursed People support group with Hapi, Marianne, Bernadetta and Dimitri
I like the C supports with Byleth and Balthus as well as Hapi because they tell us not just about them but about Byleth - Both adress Byleth’s go-with-the-flow tendencies and lack of own direction, though Byleth makes clear that by this point they actually like the professor gig
“I could see this person just about anywhere”...in a bad way. Oh but Hapi you too can be recruited to all routes XD No she’s right. By-By is being used and she should tell them. 
MORE PARENTS LORE I rejoiced so much and this was such a cool thing to adress here
At first it seems that Rhea was also after the chalice but turns out she had written it off and the one pursuing it within the church was Aelfric
But you all do catch the implication that she did this all before and “great tragedy” resulted? Right? You get what that means?
For once she actually noticed a mole though Aelfric likely wasn’t subtle
It results in a zombie dragon because she meant to revive a dragon not a human
By now people should really be used to Rhea handing out legendary treasure to byleth
there are friendly reminders of the western church purge still going on
I like how constance smells a spy right away
Also the contrast between Hapi’s jaded “Lets just give them the thing so they leave us in peace” (Yes, Lapis Lazuli) and Constance’s “We can’t let them have the artifact! theyre bad” - Constance might be shrill but she’s a person of action
The sunlight thing is a tad over the top/unrealistic but it’s not per se the cliched split personality thing, more like going outside brings out the bad memories after hiding away underground for so long (she tells mercedes as much) while she otherwise covers it with bluster. Her parents and older brother were killed and her hometown destroyed, after all. She is still basically talking the same overdramatic/ formal way
Perhaps two sides of nobility like the pride but also the demure good breeding n shit, there is some forced quality to the bluster even indoors
But ultimately she’s pretty hard working and determined underneath
At one point Hilda says something like, “You sure that we should interfere? I don’t want to make anything worse it might be better to stay out” - This right here is why you can’t get CF Hilda
Further Hilda facts: She had countless suitors and knows her way around “magical doo daads” and fortune telling
Having her mildly superstitious is of course a fun contrast to claude
“Compared to you even Hubert looks like a spring chicken” lol
I was going “Linny I love you” the whole time
Speaking of love... The moment I decided I loved Yuri is when I learned why he was expulsed - because the church sent him to kill someone he knew and rather than be upset, or thing how he might change society to prevent it or draw other conclusions from it... He refused on the spot and fough church ppl. That’s when I saw how he fits with the other characters. What the contrast was.
Yuri is one of those rare types who would never give the full voltage in the milgram experiment
Because see? That ties back so well into the themes
One of the main scenes that contrasts the house leaders is their reaction over having to fight Lonato. They all sympathize to a degree, but none acts against it. Claude and Edelgard show their dislike of the church and want to stop crap like this, but right there right then, they play along for the sake of their plans. (Claude’s plan at this point still involves stealing relics)
Dimitri is the closest to Yuri in that he immediately regrets it massively and says they should have found another way (in part because he is against the notion of “sacrifices for the plan”) but this realization comes to him only after all is done because ultimately he follows authority/ sees some good in it and the status quo
Yuri,  meanwhile, flat out refused. Yeah he also killed whoever the knight escord was but he refused
Also let this sink in: Yuri was slated for execution because he refused to kill someone he knew. This is what might have happened to Ashe, Sylvain etc. if they had refused to fight Lonato or Miklan. 
Aelfric arranged for him to fight someone he knew but that’s all he did, the rest is the result of normal church policy and then begged for pardon (meaning the normal policy would be to kill him) The mission might have gone to a different house, but the church constantly makes ppl fight ppl they know. You realize just how easily all our beloved characters could have ended up just like Yuri?!
I loved how, when offered info about their parents, Byleth immediately seeks it out with no delay
“Never discard a wild hunch lol“ Claude I love you Linhard I love you
Generally we see Dimitri being the local people person and catching onto details about people’s emotions and dispositions , while Edelgard is like, “Investigate this, investigate that” (i love that about her), and Claude is the oddball/curveball and follows his intuition. Yuri goes on instinct, Seteth, if I had to say, on experience perhaps, certainly caution. 
So she doesn’t even recognize Dimitri. She did say that “she can’t say the name” so she probably never learned that her little friend was the prince. Can ppl stop acting like she snubbed Dimitri or like she has any reason to treat him like a brother?
I don’t think he pieced it together until the ball, and she only realized either during the parlay (AM) or some time before their final confrontation (She distinctly knows by the time she killed him)
Another poignant moment is when she basically didn’t trst Aelfric and only started considering that he might be good by the time Team Slither showed up. Yeah she’s not trusting and would have zero base assumptions that any church ppl are good
By the time she learns about the Nuvelle crest she’s so done like, “Are there any MORE conspiracies I should be aware of?” And indeed there are
Aelfric is sort of a consequence of Rhea’s coverup certainly not an 1D villain. He started doubting her after the coverup began semi thinking for himself and at first this led him to try and make the abyss less chaotic and speak in their favor before Rhea, but then when Sitri’s body fell into his hands he was just too tempted
And UGH remember when I said that for all that im not a Rhea fan, i don’t thnk the human experimentation was so bad because she didn’t harm anyone and it seems like the homunculi lived out normal lives? yeah i take that back
Even if Sitri wasn’t healthy enough to travel she didn’t need to be completely isolated exept for trusted church peeps
This would have happened to Byleth. You see how this would have happened to Byleth? Completely isolated and controlled?
Oh Jeralt jeralt baby you were so right to flee with Byleth so right
Worse because Rhea was a parental figure
Also she kept creating more homunculi though they turn out frail and basically live miserable lives
and the first attempt with the chalice probably did kill ppl
sitting with the corpse all the time is creepy too
doest that mean Byleth won’t rot either?
So she was a book worm - Jeralt did say she was brainy
It did start as a mentor crush, much like Byleth’s own relationship might
I love how Edelgard is all subtly concerned after Yuris fake attack
I wonder how that apology line was phrased in Japanese, “useless” seems a bit harsh given that Edelgard generally seems to love her father, but there is no denying that he lost control of his empire and that as a result villains wrecked havock all over it so there’s nothing better she can say there excuses wont help constances situation
Like this must be very hard for her
Constance’s support definitely confirms that it was the Seven Families/ ie the PM and Arundel who did this to her (also lol at the concept that she basically wants to make Byleth her very own Hubert or Gilbert)
Edelgard is saddled with all this stuff from the previous administration - I mean so is Dimitri with the instability, the recent anexation of Duscur and part of Sreng... but she gets confronted with it more, iDK if it’s common knowledge who’s really in charge
Because Yuri is concerned with his turf, not the world, it makes sense that “his” route would be the sidestory. I kind of wanted a part 2 in the sense that I like this cast and want more of him as a main character but I also get why there isn’t one... because he wins no matter what. Lucky seven! He’s the one who can’t lose (except if you dont do the sidestory I guess) ”He works with whoever’s in power to maintain his own, just like when he made the deal with Rhea. He gets all three house leaders and Byleth to promise that they will look out for the Abyss so his bases are covered no matter who wins.
- even so he basically solved his own problem and Byleth’s presence just kinda gave him the opportunity . Well, one defining factor is that they trust Byleth exactly because they don’t “seem like a typical church funky
Still since Rhea tells us the backstory here what use is the silver snow ending? I suppose she doesn’t mention the homunculus/ “I created you” bit but the lack of decay and the transplanting heart bits do sort of hint at it
Certainly a contrast tho, like in SS you learn the magicky parts us in CS you get way more about who mommy actually was as a person
Poor, Poor Byleth. This must be such a mindfrick for them. Like I had so many feels for By-By
It’s so weird to go back and have the Yuri & so present throughout the monastery,but  not know us yet
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selkiecoded · 4 years
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hey. share your Thoughts on the cutesy and unassuming line youve referred to it during our Trans Scott Discussions but never elaborated
i actually have gone semi in-depth abt it here but it was in the middle of the night and more about trying to help a dude w the ~abstract nature of gender~ so nobody except the question asker really saw it BUT ID LOVE TO TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN WITH MORE CLARITY. big paragraphs under the read!
okay like. firstly you have to look at scott as an archetype and what exactly he was written to be before you can get into top ten transed gender moments. i mentioned in the previous explanation how the scott pilgrim character was written by o’malley as an expression of “[his] fantasy of being a cute white indie rock boy (which, as an ostracized mixed-race weirdo, was something I occasionally wished for when I was younger).” (the article in question is more about race and the way he’s making sure he doesn’t accidentally make all his characters white out of racial ambiguity like he did w spvtw and i really recommend reading it)
So once you address the way that scott pilgrim is, essentially, partly a self-projection power fantasy, you can see where it comes through. Best fighter in the province, gets all the girls, cool band, doesnt work a job, etc etc etc. this, however (im tapping my screen with a pencil) this doesnt line up with the rest of the story. The way that traditionally male protagonists would deal with arcs is completely different from how scott deals with his character arc. Like, the closure of his break-up with Envy and realizing he was in the wrong rather than them getting together/her slobbering all over him; he doesn’t end up with knives at the end thank GOD and in fact, she moves on from him (and this is why we kill edgar wright - for wanting them to be together :vomit:); he has to take ramonas feelings into account to even attempt to mend their broken relationship - he has to move on from being an asshole, which for most male protagonists, goes hand in hand with power fantasy.
That alone is amazing and #smashgenderroles and all that, but once you carve further into the details like you and i have bc we’re obsessed with meta, its not just within the arc itself where hes positioned as non-traditionally masculine. Its also the way he is with his loved ones, whether friends or romantic interests.
Him being his best self is entirely due to this softness that he has. Scott’s relationship with knives, positioned in the first book as creepy but something to be semi-appreciative of, is bad and reads very. Cis to me. Idk how else to describe it, but thats how it is. The same goes for some of his time with Lisa, Envy (USE HER CHOSEN NAME YOURE TRANS YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS *SHAKES HIM*), and Kim throughout the course of the books. Spoiler alert, its when he’s being an asshole and ignoring ppls feelings and ignoring his own past mistakes.
Scott, as he is who he is, despite being a skilled fighter, is, well. Somewhat pathetic. Or, well, i guess a better way to say it is that he inspires a sense of protectiveness in people? Despite being pretty self-reliant (at least in the fighting sense) and being a dick (at least in the all the time sense), his friends love and care for him, attempting to help him when he massively depressed, or when hes fighting the exes.
Even ramona feels this! Here is where we get the first addressing of scott “cutesy and unassuming” pilgrim. Throughout the books, hes constantly juxtaposed against his female counterparts, arguably to a degree more than his male counterparts. Wallace, Stephen Stills, and Niel are his only male friends, with the rest of the dudes being very very very secondary characters or exes, and they usually serve to sometimes goad him, sometimes help him (mostly wallace), sometimes just be his casual friends. On the other hand, all of the female characters, unless theyre very very very secondary (like julies friends), impact his actual character VERY deeply. This in turn calls to mind the time in v5 when scott said all his high school friends were girls and ramona remarks that shes unsurprised he was “raised by teenage girls” as hes “such a sensitive boy.”
Like, the dudes are just dudes hes friends with. Wallace is really the only one that fosters any visible emotional growth in him, but even so, despite living with him, basically being his best friend, and helping him out with the fight training, a lot of the growth that wallace pushes him towards is incidental, and more due to the women in the story.
Theres something kinda eh when you acknowledge that literally every single female character except for julie&co was/is into him, but at the same time, it is pretty interesting when you realize that all of scott’s emotional growth, while not manic pixie dream girl-ed by them, was at least pushed towards him due to his interactions with women. And THATS TRANSGENDERISM. 
I mean. Im not a girl. But because of my agab, i feel MUCH more comfortable with having girl friends rather than guy friends, and im sure thats not a rare phenomenon in transmasc ppl. the fact that scott has a cutesy/unassuming demeanour to him, especially when you consider that this statement is coming from his girlfriend, the frequent references to him being soft and “raised by girls” and, as said by envy in a flashback, “the girl of the relationship,” it all points to the conclusion of him being very non-traditionally masculine at the very least, and definitively trans at the most. 
Anyways.. I dunno if that makes ANY sense but writing this just made me have several very nice relizations about how to read the story in a new light. Tl;dr: scotts trans and i proved it youre welcome everybody
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zombiequincy · 4 years
Text
THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.
First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.
MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM
CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)
CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach
BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.
MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.
THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 
PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.
ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.
CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.
PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)
IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know
ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.
DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.
HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap
I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.
DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 
ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  
BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!
WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.
WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.
HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.
WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 
- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.
IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.
- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 
DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.
WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers
WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 
THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.
WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be
WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!
WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’
WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back
WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!
DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol
DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.
- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun
- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.
ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 
WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.
DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.
ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.
- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.
► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.
- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.
- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off
- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.
- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 
- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.
- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.
- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.
- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?
- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.
- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.
IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.
SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!
CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥
Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!
Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!
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nikatyler · 5 years
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Last replies before I move to my dorm tomorrow! Prague, here I come. 
I’m in this weird state of freaking out and being calm at the same time. It’s hard to explain. It’s very different from how I felt the day before starting high school, I remember crying about how badly I don’t want to go there. As for today, I’m actually looking forward to the classes. Especially the history ones. Oh my god, and I’ll see my new friends again on Thursday! Maybe even tomorrow, but I’m not counting on that. I’m so exciteeeeed.
I don’t think I can give you any updates on my sims saves at the moment. I played a bit of Roses (finally!), a bit of my Realm of Magic save, a little bit of NSB...but mostly I just recoloured stuff. I’ll release it for simblreen I think, even though it’s not Halloween themed at all. For one of the tops I’ve even taken the preview pictures and the only “spooky” thing about them is that they were taken in Forgotten Hollow. But oh well. I mean, at least you’ll be able to use my simblreen treats all year!
elisabettasims replied to your photo “So basically, I’ve come to conclusion that high free will is broken in...”
Something I had to do in TS3 when I attempted something like this was remove almost EVERYTHING that was fun to get them to socialize at ALL. Because they would rather do something fun than talk. Before that, I would manually tank their social so they would have a NEED to talk. Yeah, it's kind of cheaty but, jeeeeesh.
Here’s a tiny spoiler: I moved the whole BC household to Twinbrook, which is most definitely smaller than St Claire (and, being an EA world, it has to be somewhat optimalized to run on all PCs I believe)...and suddenly my high free will is working, there are interactions between the sims...I love that! Wish I had realized that earlier though, it could’ve made the BC more interesting. Oh well, it was a learning experience. I might do another BC in the future. Keyword might. It definitely won’t happen next month.
poisonfireleafs replied to your post “You would think that signing up for classes is no big deal...but the...”
I'm almost done with my studies, but I really know this feeling
plumbobhart replied to your post “You would think that signing up for classes is no big deal...but the...”
im at the end of my uni studies and i still get anxious about signing up for classes D:
plumbobhart replied to your post “Phew, that was fast! The best times were gone in less than five...”
that sounds horrifying. my university is so small that some courses are self study cause it's very possible you're the only one taking it (love that). i'm taking a course in chinese though, and we're over 40 ppl on the course and it's kinda terrifying.
I’m going to the oldest and I think the biggest university in my country, so yeah, so far quite a lot of my experiences have been terrifying because there’s just SO MANY PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. I signed up for an optional class today though, and so far there’s six of us. But for the other ones, there’s about 20-40 students in every group, and then there’s one lecture where there’ll be 250 students. It IS scary.
1o8percent replied to your photoset “Glimmerbrook Home I know, I know. Not the most creative name but hey,...”
I love it!
Thank you! I really like it too. It’s not too complicated because I just wanted to play the game.
elisabettasims replied to your photoset “Tao: “This is getting more fun with every second.” Annemarie: “I...”
I miss the TS2 days when your neighbor would come yell at you for peeking in their windows.
They would WHAAAAT? That’s so funny! Wow, I really should give TS2 another try, every time I hear about these little things I’m so amazed.
tashsim replied to your post “�� yeah!”
hah, no idea
Yup, that was the point haha!
toxoplasmajuice replied to your photo “Maybe my high free will isn’t as broken as I thought it was. I...”
ur doing great sweetie
lbr that would be me if I ever entered a BC
swinging outside while everyone else is socializing
tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “So what exactly is happening here? Tao is flirting with Hannah and...”
They are just exploring their options in case they get eliminated XD
I’m not surprised...but in front of the bachelorette? The girl they’re fighting for? Ruuude
1o8percent replied to your post Closing ts3 now because I need to take some pictures in ts4...in the...”
From your NSB I like Valentine. As for your Rose legacy I’ve always liked Reagan and Sammy from your current generation.
Aww yeah, they’re my, let’s say, secondary faves too!
Secondary faves sounds so sad tho
tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Scarlett: “Why did you do that? Of course we’re not supposed to do it...”
It was expectable... Especially from such sim. I actually feel sorry for her - she isn't that lucky so far... Except for winning a challenge but it didn't save her from a further failure...
I felt so bad when I rolled the dice and had to pick this interaction. But also, I was curious. Maybe it would work out. Well, it didn’t, and then I felt twice as bad.
lilleputtu replied to your photo “The title for the most useless BC host goes to…”
She is doing her best and I appreciate her efforts of absolutely ignoring the whole BC moderating business :D
She’s a whole mood in this challenge and I’m living for it.
toxoplasmajuice replied to your photo “Scarlett: “It’s happening, isn’t it? We’re running for the worst BC of...”
i mean. it could be worse, scarlett. nobody's dead. *yet*
*nervous eye emoji*
(i’m not saying anyone died, but there might have been some uhhh...near death experiences)
melien replied to your post “Hi I just wanted to come in and say I hope you’re having a good day...”
Wow damn this is so organized, it inspires me to clean out my mess at least a little bit
It’s the curse of being taught to think like a librarian for four years and having some slight OCD on the side
melien replied to your post “Closing ts3 now because I need to take some pictures in ts4...in the...”
Gen 6 of the Roses was pretty fun, and I especially liked Lydia (even before I got to make a spouse for her)
Ahh...I really, really want to love gen 6 as much as I love gen 4. If anything, the storylines (especially Regan’s) are so much better than anything og gen 4, and I’m proud of them. But I guess it’s kind of like dating a new person while still missing your ex. You love them but you miss what you had before. Which totally makes sense coming from a person with zero dating experience.
berryconfetti replied to your post “simmeronnie? Doing simblreen this year? It's more likely than you...”
i did it for the first time last year and it was pretty fun. Crazy to keep up with, but fun ��
I hope I’ll be able to do it! I have my cc ready like I said, but will I be here to have my porchlight on? I don’t know. I mean I should. Just because I’m moving to uni and have already made plans with some people doesn’t mean my social life will suddenly make me unavailable for simblr stuff. If anything, that might happen over longer time period, not in a span of one month.
elisabettasims replied to your photo “Happy Bi Visibility Day to all my fellow bisexuals! ������”
*raises a fist* That me.
*high fives you* *gives you awkward finger guns* Yayy!
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spiritcc · 5 years
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Got both, although I’ve just realised that I never knew anything Deep about either huh.
1. The Boy
i dont even care that i just keep repeating this story over and over again of how he almost got murdered by Klyuev on the set of the musketeers lmao. Klyuev’s character barely had any fighting scenes, if at all, so he didn’t receive any sword training, cue a fite scene and somehow he managed to jam his sword in Boyarsky’s fucking mouth, a few centimeters away from his brain and death. Boyarsky didn’t even suffer that much, surprisingly 
Boyarsky actually comes from a whole acting dynasty, his daughter is a (bad) actress and she was in the first nrh ep, his late brother was an actor, his uncle, and I think his dad as well and even his grandad was something else too. Obviously besides the daughter, none of the men in the family lived past like 50 and Boyarsky once said it was a mistake that he’s still alive.
A sub-fact no one wants to know: the dude just,,, does not enjoy living. It’s been twice already that I read him casually mentioning how life can go fuck itself but sometimes there is shite to somewhat enjoy (the shite in question was his daughter’s second pregnancy recently), but otherwise, he really does get these Death Episodes often.
The meme facts a true Boy fan must know is his hat, his shades and his zenit scarf. I think the most popular google search besides his name is his name + no hat bc he just never fucking takes it off (cuz he bald af). Shades cuz aesthetic, zenit scarf cause he’s a big fan of that football club, and of football in general, I’d say that your chances of seeing Boyarsky at a zenit football match are something like 85%. The Boy is perfectly aware of the memes too and he loves making fun of himself. 
quite faithful to his wife, i think he was the only guy on the set of the musketeers who didnt ruin his marriage with their mass sluttery. They once divorced for some tax evasion reasons or something like that and only bothered to remarry like almost a decade later. I think for tax reasons too. They don’t give a fuck.
2. Tabak
big fan of drag, it seems: i can recall at least two films where he jumped on an opportunity to dress as a woman and enjoyed every second of it. For his Marry Poppins role, he shaved his legs and did his nails and everything despite literally nobody asking him, and none of that being even visible in the film. I think he just knew there was no masculinity to his image so boy did he use that to his advantage. 
weirdly enough I think I can say that for a fact that he didn’t like Smoktunovsky lmao. these assholes were theater colleagues and all, but there is no trace of them interacting and no trace of them saying anything at all about each other, never mind good or bad. Tabak only mentioned smoktun once (1) in his book in a line of something like “yeah ppl like smoktun and co and their stories of how apparently nobody noticed them for a long time and it was hard to get recognition are just no true” passive-aggressive shite, while smoktun’s story was RIGHT THERE of how he used to sleep on staircases and got rejected from like five theaters and was literally a banned outlaw i was like asdfhj you can say it, mate, the guy’s been dead for a while now. The biggest piece of evidence was a passing mention from Tovstonogov, the director of BDT, who was discussing newspapers and what material gets through and said “yah tabak recently sent em an article criticizing smoktun’s new role and it got rejected” i almost wheezed how true my suspicions are. no most ambiguous crossover for us, then. 
a big friend of Gaft who NEVER fails to tell you the story of how tabak in his uni days used to smoothly approach folks finishing their food at the uni canteen and ask them if he can lick the plates after them. which he did. and he licked em nice and clean. Gaft being Gaft he obvs immortalised the Feat in his epigrams and I swear his interview from like 2015 went like “yeah hello im fine too how are yoANYWAY TABAK LICKS PLATES” he will just not let this die.
Gaft being Gaft’s, here’s one of his epigrams on tabak, poorly translated by me, but a one you (lily) will defs get:
The stance is straight. The speech is strong,
Of Lyolik, of Tabakov,
Shines, shines his star,
On the jacket of Mikhalkov. 
After Efremov’s death, he became the head of Chekhov’s MHAT (the theatre) and remained its leader until his own death, so 2002-2018 this guy was crackin down. He was an amazing manager who renovated the theater, sometimes even using his own money: repairs, new tech, art and play-wise, everything. He also managed a theater of his own, Tabakerka (about to be renamed a boring Tabakov’s theater instead of keeping the Tobacco Pouch smh), also successfully. He also taught actors for a long ass time and he had a crazy knack for selecting future talents: Yevgeny Mironov, Vladimir Mashkov, Natalia Andreychenko, Filipp Yankovsky are just the people I can name on top of my head, with the first two being his favest and most prominent students, and for a reason (i luv them). Half the modern Russian scene was taught by him, the guy was just amazing at the administrative and leading sides. 
Last tier 10 fact bc only like three people know it, in my final year tabak was apparently looking into enrolling his daughter in my school. I don’t think she went in the end, but during his visit, the guy gave my school a giant box with all the films starring himself on DVD. im still like “....ok” about this lmao but i sure hope these fucks are watching his films at school now, the so-called tabak care package. did he just have spare boxes of films with himself in case he needs to smother somebody how ᵈᵒ
Once again, THIS WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY ASK ME A QUESTION BS
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wildfangz · 5 years
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@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]
I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want. 
anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!
1. what is your name?
julian
2. what is your nickname?
jewel, jules
3. birthday?
oct 26th
4. what is your favorite book series?
percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul
5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?
yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit
6. who is your favorite author?
maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much
7. what is your favorite radio station?
ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.
8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?
blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue
9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?
cool. or bitchin’.  i play it simple
10. what is your current favorite song?
hands like houses - revive
11. what is your favorite word?
roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !
12. what was the last song you listened to?
emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!
13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?
the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay
14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?
moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it
15. do you play video games?
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16. what is your biggest fear?
idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !
17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?
im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....
18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?
....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker
9. do you like cats or dogs better?
cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do
20. what is your favorite season?
autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/
21. are you in a relationship?
nope
22. what is something you miss from your childhood?
the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!
23. who is your best friend?
my ex
24. what is your eye color?
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25. what is your hair color?
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26. who is someone you love?
my mom
27. who is someone you trust?
not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that
28. who is someone you think about often?
are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....
29. are you currently excited about/for something?
my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed
30. what is your biggest obsession?
sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours
31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?
there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?
32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?
my ex, again
33. are you superstitious?
not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree
34. do you have any unusual phobias?
i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!
35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?
behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film
36. what is your favorite hobby?
sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works
37. what was the last book you read?
The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized
38. what was the last movie you watched?
coco i think???
39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?
drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly
40. what is your favorite animal?
ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?
uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !
42. what superpower do you wish you had?
shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!
43. when and where do you feel most at peace?
chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice
44. what makes you smile?
always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time
45. what sports do you play, if any?
i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing
46. what is your favorite drink?
dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage
47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?
two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF
48. are you afraid of heights?
nope! very excited by them actually
49. what is your biggest pet peeve?
i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)
50. have you ever been to a concert?
yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it
51. are you vegan/vegetarian?
nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much
52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?
ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!
53. what fictional world would you like to live in?
pokemon universe or bust. 
54. what is something you worry about?
never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities
55. are you scared of the dark?
yes but a reasonable amount i think
56. do you like to sing?
yes :]
57. have you ever skipped school?
yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much
58. what is your favorite place on the planet?
dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own
59. where would you like to live?
oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now
60. do you have any pets?
a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee
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61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?
night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day
62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?
sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing
63. do you know how to drive?
nope ! im gay !
64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?
headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more
65. have you ever had braces?
nope! but i need them
66. what is your favorite genre of music?
post-hardcore maybe?
67. who is your hero?
every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that
68. do you read comic books?
i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me 
69. what makes you the most angry?
i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up
70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?
real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me
71. what was your favorite subject in school?
language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff
72. do you have any siblings?
two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno
73. what was the last thing you bought?
mocha frappe baby!!!!!
74. how tall are you?
5′4″
75. can you cook?
a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning
76. what are three things that you love?
storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs
77. what are three things that you hate?
unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list
78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?
female i think?
79. what is your sexual orientation?
im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about
80. where do you currently live?
oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out
81. who was the last person you texted?
my friend jojo! just Now!
82. when was the last time you cried?
yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon
83. who is your favorite youtuber?
the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh
84. do you like to take selfies?
depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not
85. what is your favorite app?
ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction
86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?
dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad
87. what is your favorite foreign accent?
i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway 
88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?
Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)
89. what is your favorite number?
6!! 26 also
90. can you juggle?
ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[
91. are you religious?
i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion
92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?
space probably theres so fucking much of it man!
93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?
not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)
94. are you allergic to anything?
pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway! 
95. can you curl your tongue?
nope :[
96. can you wiggle your ears?
nope :[
97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?
usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it
98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?
ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!
99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?
probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.
100. are you a good liar?
sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble
101. what is your hogwarts house?
i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference
102. do you talk to yourself?
i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out
103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?
extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine
104. do you keep a journal/diary?
nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers
105. do you believe in second chances?
depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh
106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?
turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that
107. do you believe that people are capable of change?
absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form
108. are you ticklish?
yes, dangerously so
109. have you ever been on a plane?
nope
110. do you have any piercings?
one day hopefully!
111. what fictional character do you wish was real?
asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect
112. do you have any tattoos?
nope...one day! hopefully!
113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?
accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction
114. do you believe in karma?
yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however
115. do you wear glasses or contacts?
glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch
116. do you want children?
I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow
117. who is the smartest person you know?
probably my friend jojo
118. what is your most embarrassing memory?
one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!
119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?
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120. what colour are most of you clothes?
black i didnt even have to think about that one
121. do you like adventures?
they are pretty swell
122. have you ever been on tv?
a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune
123. how old are you?
21
124. what is your favorite movie quote?
this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but
“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”
hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her
125. sweet or savory?
sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow
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emypony · 6 years
Text
ARES HEADCANONS WITH THE BOYS, AFTER THE BREAK
Some ARES (more like ot2/ot3/ot4 headcanons with Haizaki, Asuto, Nosaka and Nishikage) headcanons for @ozrockbitway (if i remember right dfljkghfdg it’s been long ago since we talked about it, I think??) and @producktions @someatsu @blueberry-pastel @suzunofuusuke @kirinoisbestboy @sinfonylanglader @therealruney @calmystorm-saltycandy (hope u dont mind the tag ^^’’) @shawn-and-aiden-frost-9 i guess if u wanted to read as well @mimirk63 ITS NOT YUUICHI but ya kno ;w;’’
i literally dont even know who else would care about these (mostly joke) headcanons so iM SOWWY if i like, dont tag some ppl ;;
also im sorry that these are like all over the place tho jfldghkfk
ANYWAY with that out of the way
1. so I was discussing about Nishikage baking and. i got it. Nishikage works @ Tasty part time. He makes ambitious creations. Nosaka enjoys watching the behind the scenes. (Asuto will eat anything he makes)
2. Asuto starts hanging around Nosaka and Nishikage thought this would be bad and that Yuuma would stop hanging out with him but is thankfully proven wrong as Asuto pretty much always invites both of them to hang out with him. Nishikage starts to 'adopt' Asuto as Nosaka's friend and feels the need to PROTECC him as well. they also become great friends and this eases Nishikage because Nosaka finally has someone to spend time with that can somewhat get him out of his shell. Related to #1, Asuto will bother Nishikage and ask him if he's cooked something new yet. Nishi is afraid to cook more things at first but is prompted by Asuto because THAT BOY will literally eat anything, bad or good.
3. Nosaka actually likes dry jokes but no one knows since nobody really likes dry jokes and doesn't make them. Asuto ends up with a book EXACTLY about dry jokes and he finds them interesting and funny but not as much as Nosaka, so when he uses one of those jokes it makes Yuuma laugh and it takes everyone by surprise (especially Nishikage)
4. Nosaka snorts when he laughs.
5. I see Asuto and Nosaka becoming friends before Asuto and Haizaki (even if they're acquaintances) Haizaki comes on later along.
6. Asuto is claustrophobic and that's how the ot3 friendship starts. He, Haizaki and Nosaka somehow end up stranded in somewhat of a locker and he starts freaking out. Despite the issues between Nosaka and Haizaki they don't like seeing the cheerful Asuto being scared like that. Asuto asks them to hold his hand and they reluctantly did that even if they didn't like being next to each other. After that incident Asuto was a bit more open around them and uses his 'persuasive' powers to get them to hang out with him.
7. Haizaki is the tallest, followed by Asuto and then Nosaka. Nosaka is a bit conscious about his height and even if Haizaki makes fun of him, Asuto reassures him and tells him its okay.
8. Nosaka would be really bad at portraying his feelings even if it's something simple or complicated so he makes really weird comparisons and nobody understands except Nishikage even if sometimes even he's wondering what's going on in his mind.
9. I originally planned Nosaka to be a Vegan but I don't wanna do that he's just been taught to always eat healthy because there was no other alternative. he sometimes sees Asuto stuffing his face with unhealthy (fast food/other) stuff and it confuses him because he's still like perfect and fit and he doesn't get it. With time Asuto makes him try things he wouldn't normally eat by himself and even if he doesn't eat that regularly, he'll sometimes accept Asuto's invitation to get things he hasn't tried before. He's really big on trying foreign food but maybe once every few months.
This is a lot of Nosaka fdkjghd im sorry i love him a lot AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW IT
10. One day Asuto's friends find him, Nosaka and Haizaki playing cards in his room (i think they'd keep the friendship hidden for a while don't ask me why). Norika would take a liking to Nosaka but not romantic. She ends up doing his nails or make up as a thing. He looks dashing with black polish. Haizaki has none of that and even if Nosaka is really :|  and stoic he'll pretty much go with anything.
11. this was like, a multiple headcanon thingy with @suzunofuusuke and @producktions alike
Nosaka is a heavy sleeper and Nishikage is the opposite. #Nosaka and Nishikage share a bed, fight me. Due to his past Nosaka has nightmares and moves a lot in his sleep so frequently he'll fall from the bed which'll make Nishi wake up and freak tf out because dfljkgf where's Yuuma?? and hes just sleeping on the floor
12. Nishi and Nosaka sometimes both stare at Asuto and how pure he is dfljghfdg like "damn Asuto's a nice friend"
i'll uh, try some Haizaki too since I've basically neglected him holy shit
13. Things get better with Akane and after Asuto basically has him talk things out with Nosaka, he becomes a lot less stressed and angry and finally starts to open up to Asuto, at least. He's a bit awkward at interacting outside the soccer field so it takes a bit of time to be comfortable around both of them, but Asuto always made it easy. He's still a bit intimidated by Nishikage though, even if he has no ill intentions towards Haizaki and they've even successfully hang out together alongisde the other two a few times. They share a love for spicy food.
14. HAIZAKI NEEDS GLASSES and he doesnt like wearing them but he's really cute in them. Asuto would always tell him that he looks cute in them and he wouldn't like it. Men aren't cute. Haizaki isn't cute!! >;C Nosaka would just quietly tell him that they look good on him nonetheless and he'd blush and say 'thanks' and thats their interaction okay #stolen from @someatsu
15. Haizaki has his ears pierced but nobody knows cuz of his long hair and that it's not allowed @ school. He likes to try out diff earrings in his spare time. Asuto catches him one day and never lets him hear the end of it but when they sometimes go walking around shop districts he'd loudly proclaim "Those would look real good on you, Haizaki!" when he'd see any cute earrings and such. poor Hai chan will try to hide from view at that. Nosaka chuckles. also stolen from @soatsuko w permission dw
16. starring guest hiro again with headcanons he shoved into my arms: Haizaki doesn't use social media because he doesn't see the point of it. Had Twitter once but got bored. likes baggy hoodies. probably has a collection of berets (this one's on @araiguma-koon)
17. @arbegagordon gave me an idea so Haizaki and Akane used to play Toontown so now that Akane isn't playing anymore, Haizaki still logs in but gets sad. Through some kind of unconventional means Asuto starts playing Toontown with him because he wants to make him happy and even if Hai chan won't admit it he's pretty happy that Asuto does this for him Nishihkage plays cooking mama Nosaka tries a lot of games but he gets bored fast because he thinks he's not good at them. He REALLY likes the pet games though. EDIT: I FORGOT. NOSAKA PLAYS ALICIA ONLINE AND NONE OF Y’ALL CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE. he likes collecting pets and clothes. he would defs cosplay his AO character omg
18. this was a collaboration of my ideas and @producktions and her analysis post basically she said that no one usually cheers for Nosaka SOOOOOOO, after Asuto finds that out he goes to all his matches and screams like fucking crazy for him and even if Nosaka won't show it he'll smile sometimes to himself because Asuto does this for him and expects nothing in return and just wants to see him smile and it’s OOF so pure
19. Asuto has both Nosaka and Haizaki merch. (you know, for support! Asuto is big on making his friends feel loved) They're both embarrassed by it and whatever they say they can't make him NOT wear it in public, as he's hanging out with THEM.
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mogamifucker666 · 7 years
Text
 cabana au plot thing maybe. i can’t write so.. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
premise: Mogami is an assassin/hitman, working at a tropical resort for cover. his mom is sick. he works with SG guy (Sargent) as assassins but also at the same tropical resort place. Matsuo is a rich gold digger, killed his last husband but was judged innocent in the trial. now he’s looking for thrills, doesn’t desire more money, just trying to have a good time. which for him means.. causing choas.
(this post is so long and dumb and gay i am so sorry for anyone on tumblr mobile RIP)
(edit: it’s even longer now and i tried to fix the typos from before. i hate how invested i am in this AU and yet i cannot stop.)
Matsuo comes to this resort regularly and the staff are Wary and particular about the staff they (somewhat) sacrifice to Matsuo. but Matsuo has MAD CA$H so they assign him like.. a personal attendant of sorts.
Mogami was hired between the last visit and this one, has been working there a lil while (some months but less than a year), Sargent is part of the resort’s management and works to cover for Mogam to give him alibis while he’s off killing ppl Just In Case
Mogami probably has an alias that he uses for like everything and that’s “Kai” bc he works by the ocean lmao. 
I guess Mogami works around the pool and beach? waiter/bartender type thing. trained as a lifeguard so he does that too.
Anyhow he gets assigned to Matsuo, is aware that Matsuo’s was on trial for the murder of his husband but wasn’t convicted, but doesn’t really know what to expect. definitely not the chaotic twinky gremlin that Matsuo is in this AU.
Possible first interaction: Mogami is just trying to serve some drinks  and Matsuo intercepts him and he's like "can i help you.....uhm........?" (can't figure out Matsuo's gender) 
Matsuo, "that would be sir, thank you. but in a different context you can call me baby." Mogam is internally like o no-- Matsuo, not missing a beat, "and i can call you daddy." and Mogami is like. CRIngiNG he's like this is it, this is the curse brought on by killing people, the bad luck has finally caught up with me-- etc
Matsuo has a thing about paying ppl with Mogami’s job 4 sex/seducing them
Mogam is not about it
Matsuo won’t ease up
Anyway. things r tense and assassin stuff is more difficult bc of dealing with being Matsuo’s attendant. but there r days when Mogam isn’t working, where he has leave to “see his mom” which are often used for assassin stuff but. sometimes seeing mom. sometimes both.
Mogam still maintains his cool and indifference to Matsuo’s attempted advances
it’d be ridiculous if Matsuo very obviously fakes drowning. standing in shallow water (literally standing) and just flinging water around and looking like a fool, calling out “help me lifeguard! im Drowning! oh the humanity! i am struggling to breathe oh lifeguard please help me!” mostly bothering the other people around so Mogami feels compelled to usher him away but Mogami does Not lol and Matsuo just looks like a desperate fool.
maybe he actually pretends to drown
“i think i need cpr”
“i’ll just call an ambulance for you”
“come ON” as Mogami gets up and Leaves
Matsuo: >;;;;^(  Mogami: B^|
Matsuo prObably goes for some other poolboys in the meantime. partly for attention, partly because it’s what he does.
Matsuo insists that Mogami has a secret (and he does) but Mogam denies that he has any secret of interest to Matsuo
somehow Matsuo finds out about his mom tho and Mogam is like “ah yes. my dark secret. i am indeed secretly tender at heart and love my mother very much. u got me.” but like. no it’s that he’s killing people. But there is some bonding and more respect from Matsuo. some but not much.
the Advances continue tho Matsuo is like still like  “if u need money then sleep with me??”. Mogam is like. No.
also, at some point, Mogami to Matsuo “has anything bad happened to you at all in your life?” (bad things have happened but it’s been a While and Matsuo is hella detached from that)
Matsuo is legit like. lowkey a psychopath probably and breaks into Mogam’s (place of residence) (apartment proabably?) and Mogam gets back from a nearby “job” (shady bloody job) and Matsuo sees him (Matsuo wasn’t hiding lol) and Mogam Very Clearly bloody (under the shirt he was wear and since removed bc he’s home now) and is internally like “i’m not prepared to deal with this. this is over my head, the disappearance would go noticed, and would obviously connect to me... i’ll call Sargent. i probably have to kill him, such a hassle.. could be the end of things. what i thoughtless greedy awful--”
i drew it:
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(evil gremlin pixie gets gay while dead-inside man contemplates the logistics of murder and disposing the body)
he glances down and Matsuo is like... sparkly heart emojis looking at the blood on Mogami and. Mogam is CONFUSED hE’s like “What.. are you doing looking like that?????”
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(the blood drawn on his face/hand doesn’t make sense now that ive thought about it but. i can’t be bothered now.)
(my fave Mogami reaction to Matsuo is “bitch what the fuck” honestly) 
Matsuo is rlly hot about the blood i but Mogam is just tired of this he’s like. resigned and kind of given up and legit just “I’m going to take a shower”
“can i come with u? ::::3c”
“you can do whatever you want” (figures Matsuo will follow him but doesn’t care if Matsuo leaves and tells the police he’s just tired rn)
Matsuo does follow him (he’s got his Eyes on the Prize)(the “prize” has gotten more and more interesting and enticing as time went by and now he is enthralled. Matsuo is chaotic and freaky and i love him. kinky(TM))
Mogam is trying to ignore Matsuo in the shower but eventually just Gives Up and like yeah wow sex huh
it is. a lot more good than Mogam anticipated and Matsuo is very :^)))))) after (satisfied and “i told u so” and still sneaky but also. more solidly attached now)(Mogam is endearingly passionate  and it’s hot i guess idk don’t look at me)
Matsuo is probably the only (alive) person besides Sargent who knows he’s killing people so like. that relieves tension and allows for more intimacy ok
(im gay don’t talk to me)
at some point after that Matsuo is like “you like killing people”
“no, it’s just a job”
except he does and something happening close to the time of the convo is like ‘wait yes i do enjoy it..’
At Some Point Matsuo gets a wound over his eye (so the scar matches canon lol), it’s somehow a result of hanging around Mogami
thanks @ Nick for this idea: maybe Matsuo gets kidnapped and Mogam has to go save him. Jokes on Mogami tho Matsuo knows how to use a gun and can handle i knife decently. basically Matsuo kills at least Some of his abductors, gets his face slashed, and escapes by the time Mogami arrives to save him.
probably a sobering experience for Matsuo like ‘o right actions have consequences that affect me. wow. strange.’
this isn’t a deterrent for him tho, he’s still having fun, but he’s gonna be less flippant and careless from then on.
idK eventually an agreement of commitment happens and like. Mogam quits and the resort and moved back with Matsuo to the US i guess and now he doesn’t have to worry about money for his mom’s care bc Matsuo is stacked.
so Matsuo has married twice and the latest one is dead but the other one (his first marriage) is to Toichiro.
Toichiro’s wife divorced him, he’s rich and is some important af person in a corporation idk, he and Matsuo r together for a while and then married briefly and then Matsuo divorces him and gets hella money (awful. cruel. rude boy. evil. i love it) 
(their relationship was like. probably kind of sad bc Toichiro is pretending he’s not torn up abt his ex-wife and maybe Matsuo like?? wasn’t just being a gold digger and actually cared about him, but was constantly eclipsed by the ex-wife n got tired of it and once they were married he was pretty soon like “Okay. That’s That. Bye.” dark. idk Matsuo is an energetic and wild person and Toichiro is cold and dead inside and Matsuo probably brought a lot of like.. joy to his life, and he took that for granted n Matsuo left. bye bish.)(lmao i h8 angst i’m sad now)
the current dynamic between him and Toichiro is like.. whenever they see each other they just drag the shit out of each other and r snide and that’s their point of camaraderie but Matsuo rlly doesn’t care abt him and always rubs Toichiro’s unsatisified life in his face.
but Matsuo is with Mogami now and they’re back in the US (some big city, probably Los Angeles or NYC.. or both. Matsuo has an unnecessary excess of wealth he can have a house on both coasts) but they end up talking with Toichiro and so Toichiro and Matsuo r doing their nasty banter thing and Toichiro starts talking dirty and about stuff he and Matsuo did and Matsuo is kind of pissed and internally like ‘wow in front of my boyfriend?? i know i have no class either but xcuse u bitch :^)’ but. also talks abt the stuff he’s been doing with Mogami. meanwhile Mogami is just there SEETHING quietly, tensely but politely smiling, thinking 'the nerve of this awful man with ugly eyebrows. abhorrent.' Matsuo is keeping an eye on him as the tension is rising and eventually.. 'wow my murder bf is about to fight my ex and while that's Hot that's not a good idea---' so he he cuts the conversation off like "well, i know who i've chosen--" wraps arm around Mogami's waist "--have a good life pining for your ex-wife" and like. leaves. bye.
or “have fun trying to fill the void left my your ex-wife for as long as you live”
Matsuo’s second marriage is probably to Ishiguro and purely for the money. but Ishiguro is gross and old and Matsuo was tired of waiting for him to die and took matters into his own hands. and ended up with a lot of money and no jail time.
idk what else. vague ideas kind of like. Mogam has a day of and Sargent goes to visit momgami in the hospital as a way to cover for Mogami going to do a hit. or doing a hit for Mogam so he can visit his mom. tru friends. 
the beginning aesthetic being like. tacky tropical beach and it changing into like. lavish but sleek spy-aesthetic by the end is funny to me. tropical pattern prints and speedos and petty drama and humar to dark clothes and a scar  and like. weirdly devoted and sexy dynamic. silly to serious. hilariously bad rom com to..  rich murder gays (NBC Hannibal stole my aesthetic)
im starting to fall asleep but ya this au was originally 100% shitpost and yet here. i am. thinking about it seriously.
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goldenrenjun · 7 years
Text
bold tag
APPEARANCE:
I am 5′7″ or taller I wear glasses (I’ve got a prescription I’m buying some on Sunday) I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing (2 in each ear and one in my schnoz) I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have had braces There is something i would change about the way I look
PERSONALITY:
My Hogwarts house is: Ravenclaw I am an introvert I like meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me (idrk i do so much so im not a burden to the world but not so much in my direct interaction w ppl) I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality (my neurotic ass is gonna highlight all of these just wait)
ABILITY:
I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory  I’m good at doing maths in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch
HOBBIES:
I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing Fandoms are my #1 passion I do or have done martial arts (i quit bc the stretches hurt i . adfkjlasd;fj;la;j;;)
EXPERIENCES:
I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts (i rly considered not highlighting this ,,, to deny that i like bts ,,, on my bts blog)
RELATIONSHIP:
I’m in a relationship I have a celebrity crush I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships I have never been in a relationship (a;fj;asd;fa;dfja;lsdkfsdfklajsfl;asjfdlajf;afj;afjd;sfjslafj im cackling please i dont want one) I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend
MY LIFE:
I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the United States There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend outside of school in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CDs I share my room with someone
RANDOM SHIT:
I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie (oh boy) I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages fluently I have made a new friend in the past year (?)
the more of these i do the more i realize im rly just boring nd emotionally detached,,,,,, nyways im gonna tag @yoongisnugget @taetaescutiepie and @taesberet but dont feel obligated to do it !!!!!!!
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bigfuckingteeth · 7 years
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god its been a while 
im sure nobodys reading here so lets do this . i just need to write a lot out . 
heres a timeline : march 2016 i irreversably fuck up my relatoinship to the most important person in my life, who proceeds to not communicate with me at all for four months 
april 2016 i get kicked out of my parents house again and have nowhere to go, since normally when i got kickd out i would hang out with f but . we werent speaking so i couldnt so i decided to go kick it w someone who lived far away bc i didnt want to be in issaquah where my dad might find me . bused to snohomish and staid with s for a week . we got irrevocably involved . did a lot of drugs and fucked in the forest a lot it was awesome . no going back 
summer 2016 i,m still estranged from f and am extremely bitter so figure i should just cut my losses and let him leave my life . i decided the person to fill the void he leaves is going to be s . 
august 2016 s and i move in together , by this point ive come to terms wit the fact im in love with s
fall and winter 2016 i somewhat regularly talk with f and see him like twice , we both agree we want to fix what we did wrong and be friends again but its more like.. we only bring that up when incredibly stoned like ‘shit man remember how good we used to be lets do that again’ then wed sober and not speak about it 
feb 2017 . all caught up . f is alone and takes four hits of acid bc why the hell not and we stay up literally all night talking on skype. we both decide to be mature about things , no more sarcasm and bullshit and not saying what we mean so we said a lot of things we do mean . and i always knew those things were true on some level but seeing him say it made it real . we’re in love with each other on a cellular level and we want to start like ... Doing something with that . 
which is cool and all but i have s in my life now . normally not a problem - we’re all poly . but literally all of s’s exes cheated on it/abandoned it to be with other ppl and it is extremely paranoid that i would leave it and is not comfortable with me being in a serious relationship with someone else . if i try to explain that to f hes gonna say s is being unreasonable and manipulative . if i try to explain the nature of f and i’s relationship to s its going to have a paranoid breakdown and be convinced i dont love it anymore . 
there is literally nothing i want more in life than to have a serious relationship with f . ive wanted that for years . i am absolutely wiling to lie to s about f and i’s relationship but i really dont want to it makes me feel like such an asshole but honestly. im not going to let anybody tell me how to interact with the most important person in my life . i fucking love him so much and i know together we could do incredible things and at the same time i love s so much and love living with it , these past few months have been wonderful and with s im a better person, im happier and so fulfilled, and its had such a horrible life i want to take care of it and help it actually .. enjoy being alive . 
this is so fucking stupid i never thought this would happen lmao, i never thought id be in some bullshit love triangle bc i ppersonally dont have any problem being in multiple serious relationships i never thought i would end up with somebody who wasnt comfortable with that its so stupid and i dont know what to do . i want to be as close to f as possible and really .. i cant do that if s is in my life. but i love s so so much and want it in my life this is all so fucking stupid im frustrated and want to die there are literally only two ppl on this shitty planet i care about and now theyre unknowingly making me choose between them like i just want both ? i just want to be able to love thm both without making anybody uncomfortable or paranoid or scared but i literally see no way of doing that , and IM paranoid about bringing this up to f bc im scared hed convince me to leave s idk if that would actually happen, or conciously happen, but i know f and idk .. if you want something badly you do fucked up things sometimes im scared to bring it up bc i love him and he has so much influence over me still and i think he think s isnt good for me , all three of us have hung out together during a time when s was going through A Lot of shit and did some bad things (it literally wasnt s tho .. thats a whole nother story but i know it literally wasnt s doing those things ..... okay i just have to put it here  put it somewhere but it did rape me at least once that i can remember its body did, s didnt do it but its old dead self that still is in its head did fuck i dont even want to think abut that fuck
like i know how paranoia is and i know that even if s told me it was comfortable with me being with f it rlly . wouldnt mean that . s would absolutely lie to make me feel better bc i know it wants the best for me to and is willing to sacrifice its own wellbeing for that , thats not what i want !! thats not what i fucking want but i feel like if i ever explained the extent of f and i’s connection to s it wouldnt be able to trust me andd would always be scared id leave it fuck fuck fuccckk god fuck smash my head in with a fucking rock i hate this 
so many things in my life have gotten better recently but now this bullshit , i need to navigate this bullshit and i dont know how i just want to be able to love without worrying about shit im so tired i want to cry i just want f in my life so so badly hes been gone for so long and i miss him i feel like weve missed so much by not speaking for so long , i need to catch up with him im so fucking sad just im so fucking sad 
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