#and expect me. aged 11-14. to not go fucking insane
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anyways enough emo textposts its time for me to talk about that the mv for history by olivia holt featured leo howard, but then they never actually got together, and thats my fucking villain origin story
#im allowed to be clinically insane about one (1) cishet couple#like u can't give us four years of whatever the hell j/k was on kickin it#and then reshoot ur ENTIRE MV because u decided to call up leo howard on a whim and decided he fit the theme better#than the og actor u had#in a song abt getting back together abt an ex u have insane chemistry with#and proceed to never get together w him#and expect me. aged 11-14. to not go fucking insane#this is why i believe love is fake#and also nobody deserves rights#if there was a god it would've put them together and i mean that genuinely#i cannot stress enough how much they defined my early years of shipping#like to this day every single otp i think i've ever had has had some similarities to kick in some way#its so bad#they permanently altered me#its so fucking bad#anyways what if i go rewatch like half of kickin it#or just the iconic epiodes: wazombie warrior kim of kong new jack city kickin it on our own parts 1 and 2 spyfall#TWO DATES AND A FUNERAL#cannot describe the complete insanity the words two dates and a funeral instills in me#whatevr the ep was where jack meets kims dad]#and the one where shes a gokart qween#its the szn 2 eps that hold SUCHHHHH a place in my heart tho goddamn#im sane#personal
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Thank you @hellolovers13 @neondiamond @onlythebravest @beardyboyzx @disgruntledkittenface for tagging me to do the 2022 Writing Self Evaulation!
1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 15
2. Word count posted for the year: 144,414
3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, NHL
4. Pairings: Harry/Louis, Marcel/Louis, Zayn/Liam, Niall/Liam, Harry/Emma Corrin, Louis/Florence, Harry/Jamie Oleksiak, Harry/Niall, Harry/Liam
5. Story with the most:
Kudos: as it was
Bookmarks: as it was
Comments: as it was
the rest under the cut!
6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): As a surprise to no one, As It Was. I had an idea for an age play fic for years but was too scared to post it. For one reason or another the previous versions didn't work. This time, it did. I think I showed the complexity of the topic and how at the heart of age play it's about trust and care. I love what I wrote and I'm really happy with it. I'm proud of myself for being vulnerable and posting it.
7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): I have struggled with self-doubt and imposter syndrome for a long time and I kind of refuse to answer this. Even if the story didn't get a lot of hits I'm proud of myself for writing.
8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: Anyone who commented on As It Was saying they had never read an age play fic but gave it a chance. Especially the few people who said they trusted me to get them through the journey. I am honored that those people gave it a try.
9. A time when writing was really, really hard: Oh god, writing Liquid Gold because of all the sex and the vibe I was going for. Or Not Sure How To Say This Right. I was going through some weird transitions in my personal life which had me axious to work on this fic.
10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Hm, I mean, I didn't expect to write Harry/Emma. Does that count?
11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: This is from Deafening Silence.
Harry turned to run towards the house, his ankle twisted uncomfortably from the quick movement. He pushed through the pain and the fear and started to run, his vans sliding on the gravel due to lack of friction. He slipped going up the stairs, causing him to fall on the cement making him cry out. He got up and tried open the sliding glass door, it was locked.
“No,” Harry cried. “No, no no,” he chanted as he tried again.
He didn’t lock it and he knew Louis wouldn’t lock it if he woke up and didn’t see Harry in bed. Something else locked it.
Fresh tears fell down his cheeks as Harry started to bang on the door, yelling for Louis as he gasped for breath. Harry felt like he was being watched, his gut was telling him not to look behind him and to get inside as quickly as he could. He heard a stick breaking and felt breath on the back of his neck.
Harry couldn’t hear over his own sobs or the pounding in his ears as he begged for help. The door was slammed open, and Harry was pulled inside by the collar of his sweatshirt and right into Louis’ hands.
“Close the door!” Harry yelled as he tried to shove Louis away from him. “Close the fucking door! It’s out there!”
12. How did you grow as a writer this year: Trusting myself! Writing whatever the hell I wanted.
13. How do you hope to grow next year: Same answer as above.
14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): Oh god, I will try not to write an essay. But truly everyone at my discord @writerscornercafe. I built the community I had been wanting for years. Everyone is so supportive and wonderful in so many different ways. The amount of times people have helped me with phrasing or naming a character or reminding me of the name of an object is insane.
There's also a few people I want to shout out because whether they knew it or not, they helped me.
@larrieblr has been my brainstorming buddy/beta/friend/confidant for the past few months. Every Tuesday we talk about our fics, get each other unstuck, give each other tips, motivation and cheerlead. I am so thankful for the care they show me and my characters.
@justalarryblog for not knowing me for long but deciding starting a discord with me was a good idea. She is not only my bot guru but a trusted friend. I love laughing with her, coming up with ideas for the discord and knowing she has my back and I have hers.
The next few are writings who's work has inspired me to create meaningful stories, stories with laughter, and heart. Thank you for sharing your craft. Thank you for inspiring me. I'm sorry if I haven't said anything until now. Next year I hope to be better showing my appreciation.
@neondiamond somehow didn't get freaked out when the first thing I messaged her was that I had a friendship crush on her lol She has sent me pictures of her dog which never fail to make me smile. She is such a joy to get to know and I am such a fan of her work. They are all warm hugs when I need them.
@restless-rebels for being excited and non-judgmental every time I send her a text that says "so..." or "I was a thinking..." or my personal favorite "👉🏻👈🏻". She knows there is a 50/50 chance I am following it up with a bad decision and I can trust her to be honest that it could be a bad decision.
@disgruntledkittenface @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @neondiamond @littleroverlouis @lhhomefics @larrieblr
15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: I haven't talked about this publicly and maybe it won't surprise anyone but I use age regression as a way to deal with trauma, chronic illness and the horror of being alive lol While I didn't write my trauma into As It Was, I used my own experiences and research as a starting off point. I (obviously) did a lot of research and self reflection before deciding to use age regression as a coping mechanism and i think that only helped me as I wrote. There are also a few phrases in every fic that my husband uses.
16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: I cannot stress enough to write what you want. Fuck what anyone says about tropes or charterers, do what you want.
17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I am very excited to finish my big bang!
18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.
@onlythesweet @tommokat @allwaswell16 @berzerkshires @justalarryblog @voulezloux @louistomlionson @londonfoginacup @littleroverlouis and anyone else who wants to do it!
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Rules
1. DO. NOT. REBLOG. SHIT. YOU'RE. NOT. A. PART. OF. I shouldn't have to elaborate on this and it should honestly be COMMON SENSE
2. Don't force ships on my muse. Velvette is bisexual but that doesn't mean she'll fuck/date you just because you asked
3. This blog is going to get VERY dark. If that's not something you can handle, I completely understand. I will tag what I can but otherwise, it's up to your discretion.
4) Don't bother me about replies. You can poke me after a week if it goes that long without a response.
5) Don't Godmod, power play or anything else like that.
6) Do not just shove your muse at me and expect me to know how to respond. Plot with me first. Especially with OCs.
7) If you plan on writing with me, give me something to work with. If you're incapable of doing that, we don't need to be writing together bc I will not beg for cooperation.
8) Don't write in first person, chatroom or script style if you plan to play with me. I have nothing against it personally but I can't write with anyone who writes that way. It's insanely hard to reply to
9) My Velvette has a very fucked up backstory and does fucked up shit. I am not Velvette, Velvette is not me. I do not condone what this psychotic social media Overlady does or says.
10) Don't just like my starters if you have no intention of replying. It's annoying and they're meant to be responded to. There's a difference between an OPEN STARTER and a Drabble. Sometimes a Drabble can be used for a starter but if the post says OPEN STARTER, it means it's meant to be responded to.
11) My Velvette is more like Valentino and Vox's surrogate daughter. I won't be shipping her with them or Angel.
12) My Velvette is a Little. She uses age regression to help cope with past trauma relating to her childhood. She isn't always Little but it does happen when she's overwhelmed, scared or just stuck in an infinite loop of flashbacks. If you think this is wrong, or disgusting or weird, please leave. Age regression is a valid coping mechanism and there's nothing wrong with it. This is not to be confused with Ageplay. It's not the same.
13) If I forgot a rule, just go look at one of my other blogs. It still applies.
14) Don't be afraid to talk to me OOC. I promise I'm not mean, just extremely tired of people being disrespectful and breaking my rules. I don't bite but Vel stabs lol
Like this if you read and understand the rules of this blog
#🧸 d o l l h o u s e 💕 | {mun speaks}#🔪out of cake🥺 | ooc#💔you must accept that i'm a little out my mind 😜| rules
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i can’t believe i’m back here again. i really can’t. drowning in myself. triggering myself. throwing my emotions everywhere because they’re all coming at me at once and i can’t deal with it all. it makes me want to rip my ducking hair out and just go fucking insane. i’ve been the exact same fucking way since i was a teenager AND NO CUNT not one cunt cared enough about me to help me back then. BACK THEN, before i added more trauma, before i created a whole fucking human being who i’m the cause of her trauma. and i miss her. i miss her so much. i want to do better i want to be better but no matter how much i try not matter what i’ve done so far it isn’t good enough for anyones expectations. it has driven me crazy. if one person cared enough they would have got me that help. i was showing these behaviours from the age of 13? bro maybe even 11! that’s a whole 10 years. years for these things to get worse, to expand upon. do you know what? my most traumatic experiences were at ages 13, 14, 16. during those points there were so many fucking opportunities. and the worst part? AGED 15 i had the chance!!’ people who actually fucking cared and loved me. a family i could love and support and care about. A AFAMILY THAT BECAME MY FAMILY!!! taken away from me. by YOU. by you you you oh yogufhfichd. the cunt who dragged my future to the ground. pulled it up by the scruff of its neck and fucking a alain he’d it into other side of the world. so many adults who should have cared about little old me to get me help whilst they WANTED TO HELP KIDS. i’m an adult now!!!!! i’m 21 and i’m alone. alone and have no idea at all where i’m going. where should i go? who can get me the help i need? i see only one way out of this. i’m see one way out. and that’s a noose. that’s it. how else do u go??? if someone can give me a reason i’ll throw it forward tenfold but i can’t think of anything anymore. i’m tired.
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for @bend-me-shape-me 's SPN advent calendar 2020. prompt: phone calls and late night texts.
Cas isn't a serial texter.
And Dean's a-okay with it.
But for all that's worth, they sure seem to have a ridiculous amount of emotionally significant conversations via, or starting off as, texts. And most often, in the middle of the night.
*
>>> hello, dean. [12:07 am]
Dean jolts up at the sound, realizing he fell asleep still wearing his headphones, with the laptop on his lap (and a new episode of The Good Place playing) and rolls his eyes at himself, hitting pause before he can see what’s happening (because he has good reflexes, and because screw spoilers that’s why) and rummaging for his phone.
At this hour of the night, it has to be something important.
It doesn’t really strike him that Mechanical Engineering majors whose only other selfprofessed skill is air guitar aren't exactly the frontline warriors for midnight emergencies.
Cas's name shows up when he squints at the too-bright screen, and he sits up a little straighter.
<<< hey [12:09 am]
<<< you OK? [12:09 am]
The response is immediate.
>>> do you have peanut butter? [12:09 am]
And as if it's an afterthought, Cas adds.
>>> yes, I'm fine. how are you? [12:10 am]
Dean blinks.
<<< peachy. peanut butter? [12:10 am]
At least this time the response takes a while. Dean wonders if Cas realized it was midnight, and not exactly a time to run inventory on your best friend's stash of condiments.
>>> I ran out. [12:12 am]
Dean sighs, unable to help smiling.
It's not like he's a stranger to Cas's weird cravings when he's high. (There'd been this one time with pie and a traumatized Gas 'N Sip cashier that still sits heavy on Dean's conscience.) But he doesn't think Cas is supposed to be high right now — Dean's usually either invited or informed by an unspoken rule — which just means this is regular "jelly, not jam"-Cas, at his core a weird, persistently sleep-deprived economics major and astronomy nerd, that Dean may or may not have had a crush on for an embarrassingly long time, and who's also prone to grammatically perfect texting, deadpan, Disney references, and bluntness when the occasion calls for it.
<<< pretty sure i have some [12:14 am]
>>> :) [12:14 am]
>>> I'm coming over [12:14 am]
*
And weird as it may sound, that had turned out to be the night Cas told him he was gay. Said it had been a revelating moment, unprecedented and wholly unexpected — and apparently revelations come in pairs because it had been followed by an intense need for peanut butter, and the rest, he explained emphatically, was history.
Dean had just snorted, congratulated him, and brought out the fancier plates for sandwiches — shipped in from home instead of a sale at Target — all the while, repeating to himself in a loop, that this changed nothing between them, nothing at all, and Cas having the capacity to be attracted back to him didn't mean that he ever would be (or for hell's sake, he'd scoffed at his traitorous chick-flick-nonsense brain, is.)
*
The second time had been early — way, way too early and it was by pure chance that Dean was awake to respond at six friggin' am on a Sunday. Like, that’s practically nighttime.
Goddamn stupidly-fit running-freak.
Dean picks up his phone blearily, tongue in cheek as he clicks on it.
>>> I miss you [6:28 am]
>>> I'd* miss you [6:29 am]
Dean's stomach twists, and he's not sure if it's in a good way, or a bad way, or what-the-sincere-fuck-are-you-talking-about way.
<<< what [6:32 am]
<<< wtf are you talking about? [6:32 am]
Nothing.
<<< cas? [6:33 am]
<<< dude [6:34 am]
<<< cas???? [6:34 am]
Dean swears at his screen, more queasy than irritated. He can't stop fidgeting, so gives up on lying down altogether and hoists himself to his feet. Better to get his friggin' toothbrush since he's already up, and now definitely awake. Cas was so paying for this later.
He comes back, mouth mint-fresh in theory but still tasting awful and of fear and dread, and practically sags when he sees his screen blare with two messages from Cas.
>>> sorry, I had to make a call. [6:42 am]
>>> I'm not taking the job. [6:42 am]
*
And that's how Dean finds out about Michael (Cas's oldest brother, entitled asshole) inviting Cas to join his and Lucifer's (second oldest, bag of dicks) firm the year he graduates — invite, of course, being a loosely used word here for expecting it blindly (out of some crap he calls 'loyalty') and being readily willing to manipulate him into it.
And it's how he finds out that Cas turned them down.
"It's not who I am anymore." Cas had repeated, third time probably, and surer than before, and Dean had nodded earnestly before realizing Cas couldn't see him through the phone, and humming his affirmation instead. "And if I go back there, I'm never getting out again."
Dean'd swallowed.
"I don't want to." Cas had said, voice trembling. "I am — my own person here. It shouldn't be like this but this is the first time I have autonomy, Dean. Here is free will, and here are you. I don't — I can't. I'm not going to let them take it away."
"Good." He'd sounded shaky to even himself. "Don't."
"Yes." Cas had promised. "I'm not going."
*
And eventually they'd moved past the heavy talk into why-didn't-I-hear-about-this-before territory, Dean being righteously annoyed at his best friend for keeping something so huge from him, and Cas making lame (but probably valid) excuses in the name of not knowing how to explain the situation until he knew himself what he was going to do, because Dean may've been the first person he'd confided in about the insane fuckery that been his childhood and adolescence, but that still didn't mean he'd understand this, broken and convoluted.
And then Cas had nicely segued himself out of Dean's target of irritation and added, "They asked Gabriel too, by the way."
"And?" Dean didn't ever have much care for Gabriel (third oldest brother, cares about Cas, still a jerk) but Cas shared an apartment with him, so he had to face him plenty.
"He's running off to Miami."
And Dean had thrown his head back and laughed until Cas had smoothly added, "And I was wondering if you would consider moving in with me."
At which point, of course, he'd started coughing instead, because holy shit, it actually made sense (Sammy had left for Stanford two months back, and Dean lived alone in a space that had probably been two big even when there were two of them) and might actually happen, but Dean wasn't really sure how much longer he'd be able to hide his crush, sharing a friggin' kitchen with the guy.
*
The third time's after their first date.
(Because, well. It happened.
It happened with Dean leaning across the breakfast table to prove to Cas his bacon was superior (to cookie friggin' crunch, because goddamn is Cas a dork) and Cas taking a bite with their eyes fixed on each other's, and Dean turning red when Cas licked his lips and then, just like that, Cas swearing under his breath (definitely filed for later pondering, that bit), grabbing Dean, and kissing the living daylights out of him.
And Dean had kissed back with everything he had, hands cupping his face, and nearly melting in his arms - but then they'd separated for air and Cas had had an apologetic look on his face and when Dean had tried to lean in to kiss it away, he'd received half a smile and a shake of his head.
"Let's do it the way we're supposed to."
And Dean had known immediately what he'd meant. Let's not fuck this up by becoming best friends and roommates who sleep together. Let's...play safe.
"Okay. Uh," he'd rubbed the back of his neck. "Would you like to go on a date with me?"
"Thursday." Cas had promised with twinkling eyes, though Dean had already known he was going to say that since he knew Cas’s week at least as well as he knew his own, and two days and an anxious half of a thursday later, they went on their first date. Burgers and beer, and Led Zepp, and hands held in the Impala. Four hours later, they were back, and in their respective rooms, and Dean couldn't stop thinking about Cas.)
When his phone vibrates, Dean reaches for the bedside table.
It's at least midnight, it feels like he's been in bed for ages, and the only reason he isn't asleep is because all his brain seems to be capable of at the moment is thinking endlessly about the date. Fortunately, he's not the only one — although he's better at hiding it (practise, he'd say) because his heart is in his mouth the moment he reads Cas's text.
>>> I think I'm falling in love with you [11:43 pm]
>>> already. [11:43 pm]
Dean is very grateful for autocorrect as he types back with too-excited thumbs and a racing heart.
<<< so much for doing it the regular way cas mosby [11:44 pm]
>>> in my defense, it's been years. [11:44 pm]
<<< that part i get [11:44 pm]
<<< me too [11:44 pm]
<<< but youre supposed to wait three days before calling dumbass [11:45 pm]
Jesus, he'd never expected to blush cause of texts, but here they are.
>>> I'm texting. [11:46 pm]
And he guesses he'd never expected to giggle (he's alone there, sue him) cause of them either, but Cas apparently exists to prove him wrong about himself.
<<< good for you [11:46 pm]
He sends, biting his lip, and then lies in the silent darkness for a couple of minute, devoid of text notifications entirely, thinking uneasily — before he gives up.
They're idiots, sure, but nobody is this dumb.
<<< so when the fuck are you coming over then [11:50 pm]
>>> on my way <3 [11:50 pm]
And thinking about the lightening speed of that reply and the fucking heart emoji is enough to sustain him the entire one minute it takes Cas to get there, gently opening Dean's door, and climbing into bed — fitting in Dean's space like it's been made for him, and kissing him in greeting after leaving his phone on the table next to Dean's.
*
As it goes, with the confessions and the midnight cravings (and the grocery lists that keep getting piled onto through the day, and random pickup lines Cas decides are perfect to send Dean daily once he's found a website for puns, courtesy of Claire, and of course, pictures of Grease, which clog Dean's cloud in dozens whenever the ridiculously cute cat does something even slightly out of routine, god bless her lazy soul) Cas might just be a texter.
But Dean's pretty sure he's more than okay with it, so it doesn't really matter.
#spnadventcalendar2020#destiel#destiel college au#casdean#dean is bi#texting fic#destiel fluff#best friends to lovers#+ roommates :))#deancas au#young dean winchester#young castiel#bluefirecas#rambleoncas#tearsofgrace#userpris#oh writing my writing#i had fun writing this :)#college aus almost feel like my roots at this point
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2020 End of Year Post - cdrama edition
This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2020; if I had to make a post about all the cdramas I watched this year, I would still be doing it in three months...
Overall it’s been a fairly decent cdrama year (certainly better than the very lacklustre kdrama year.) It’s no miracle that 2019 was (so many excellent dramas!) but overall pretty solid.
DRAMAS WATCHED
(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)
44 The Legend of Jing Yan - the worst cdrama I have seen this year, and possibly the worst drama of 2020, period. The hero and heroine were both uncharismatic, incapable of acting and saddled with such shrilly moronic characters, the only suspense was how they haven’t both perished long since from forgetting to breathe. Nor was anyone in the rest of the cast much better; the screenplay was written by a lower mammal and the cinematography was the best a third-rate wedding cinematographer could offer. Stay the HELL away from this one.
43 Unicorn Girl - the only unicorn about this bland yet irritating piece of pap was the fact that I was supposed to believe the leads are hockey players.
42 Autumn Cicada - I like spy stories, Allen Ren, and Republican Era settings. I can tune out Communist propaganda with the best of them. Yet, the propaganda ate the story to such a degree that there was nothing left; pre magic change Pinocchio was less wooden then this narrative.
41 You Complete Me - no you do not.
40 Skate into Love - the only positive thing I can say about this is that at least it’s better than Unicorn Girl, if for no other reason that only one of them is supposed to be a hockey player.
39 Irreplaceable Love - how do you make a story about fake siblings with a mad mother falling for each other boring? I don’t know, ask the makers of this.
38 Eternal Love Rain - I hate to rain on their parade, but these two actors cannot act, have about as much chemistry as a piece of bread, and are trapped in a story perfect for entertaining the mental abilities of the leads of Jin Yan.
37 For Married Doctoress - ummmm, you could do worse I guess. It only made me break out in mild hives. The sadistic ending did make me laugh though.
36 Dance of the Sky Empire - why you get Xu Kai and waste him in this insipid mess of a story is beyond me.
35 Love Designer - it’s inoffensive except to my sense of entertainment. There is nothing wrong with it but oh God is it bland.
34 Love a Lifetime - It felt like a lifetime watching this, but I didn’t love it. The story is incoherent, the actors have no chemistry and it’s all an epic waste of time.
33 Love is Sweet - so sweet it gave me diabetes. I like Luo Yunxi and Bai Lu, but there is literally no plot. I don’t need to sink into a plotless morass to watch pretty people engage in PG-rated make-outs. I am an adult with access to stronger stuff if I am thus inclined, though to be fair they could get x-rated and I still wouldn’t be able to sit through so many episodes of plotlessness for that.
32 Fake Princess - I love Zhao Yi Qin, but the guy needs to pick better projects. The female lead in this one has the voice and personality that can strip paint but the story is also doing nobody any favors.
31 The Changan Youth - I lost my brain checking this out. I had to go and read a dense treatise on medieval coinage or Mayan farming to try to recover it.
30 My Dear Destiny - kinda cheesy fun. It honestly shouldn’t be as low except it really feels like community theater.
29 Handsome Siblings - why is the Nic Tse version so good and this one so bad? True mystery for the ages. Chen Zhe Yuan is the sole reason this isn’t lower, because that kid tries SO HARD to make this drama bearable and almost succeeds. I can’t wait to see him in Sha Po Lang which actually will give him something to do.
28 In a Class of Her Own - see my comment on The Changan Youth. But at least Song Weilong is gorgeous to look at.
27 General’s Lady - inoffensive, pretty and so utterly pointless.
26 The Blooms at Ruyi Pavilion - those two leading actors are a no go to me but at least they considerately acted with each other instead of ruining two dramas for me. It’s very pretty though.
25 Jiu Liu Overlord - it’s a mess and I bailed, but I placed it this high merely due to the fact that Lai Yi finally gets a leading role and he’s sexy as fuck and I am shallow. Whoever styled Bai Lu should never work again except at a circus, however.
24 Cross Fire - not my genre and Luhan will always look too much like my cousin for comfort, but it’s a surprisingly gripping and dark drama. I liked it!
23 God of Lost Fantasy - if you want to watch a mediocre wuxia/xianxia, this is not a bad choice. Probably better than Legend of Fei actually, because at least it doesn’t have an A-list cast to waste and gives us Sheng Yilun himbo and shirtless.
22 Renascence - the insane cuts (it went from 70 eps to 36!!!) made a fairly cheesy story into a total mess. But I had a good time until I finally bailed mainly because of the male lead (Chen Zhe Yuan yet again carrying a not-good 2020 drama on his shoulders; the guy should be nicknamed Atlas) and the insane but in a fun way story. The female lead (both the character and the actress) were not up to par but oh well.
21 Legend of Fei - only this high because objectively there is nothing I disliked it. But there is nothing I liked either. The most uninspired drama on the list. If you could eat cardboard, this is what it would taste like.
20 Ever Night 2 - compared to EN1, it’s a waste of film. On its own merits, it’s not very good (the cast replacements are uniformly inferior and Dylan Wang is so wrong for Ning Que I cannot even put it into words; the script is useless.) But it had some parts I loved so very VERY much (all the shippy stuff was perfection) so I don’t feel too bitter.
19 Castle in the Sky 2 - a lovely if not too complex fairy tale. It is inferior to its prequel because it doesn’t have Zhang Ruo Yun who elevated it, but it’s still a solid bit of fun.
18 The Great Ruler - it’s very high fantasy, very pretty, and surprisingly involving.
17 (tie) Legend of Two Sisters in the Chaos - the secondary couple steals the show but the rest is not too bad if not too involving.
17 Legend of Awakening - a solid bit of fun with a seriously BDSM streak (theme this year apparently - but come on, the lead’s powers only activate when he’s in extreme pain!) It’s a bit generic and the costuming is done by a blind person, not to mention the OTP is a NOTP, but the rest of relationships (romantic and platonic) are wonderful (I live for the found siblings story in this one) and I like most of the characters.
16 Consummation - a rare modern cdrama I liked; a sweet coming of age story (and love story) even if wrapped in a pretty weird virtual reality concept.
15 Oops the King is in Love - this is how you do a low budget, sweet, silly piece of fluff. Our heroine pretends to be a eunuch and crosses paths with a powerless young king and they are adorable, even more so than the drama.
14 Song of Glory - pretty solid, though draggy and I didn’t love the toothpaste filter. But A+ cast, excellent leading couple chemistry, Li Qin being a BAMF and a leading man (Qin Hao) who is actually an adult.
13 And the Winner is love - objectively kind of a mess (and the heroine has the brainpower of a gnat), but the OTP chemistry is excellent and Luo Yunxi fighting and flirting with a fan as finally a leading man is worth the price of admission.
12 Miss S - snazzy and snappy and stylish and whatever else starts with S.
11 Eternal Love of Dream - I don’t know if it would work for you as well if you weren’t a hardcore shipper for this OTP in Three Lives but I was and this was such a darling, wonderful, shippy delight; plus I love this type of high fantasy.
10 (tie) Maiden Holmes - solid and sweet and a wonderful OTP. Proves that functional doesn’t have to mean boring. If you watch one cross-dressing drama this year make it this one.
10 Qin Dynasty Epic - srs bsns history epic. I am not far into it but it’s so good and smart and visually stunning (if you love battles, this one is for you.)
9 Love Lasts Two Minds - I adored this so much more than I should objectively have, but it’s so beautiful (and no I am not just referring to Alan Yu’s face) and the OTP has wonderful chemistry and the story is solid, and the whole trope of her memory being wiped but falling for him all over again while he’s constantly and utterly devoted is a fave; plus he’s in pain and semi-dyng for most of it so sluuuurp (happy ending, don’t worry)
8 To Love - yes, a modern drama is this high! But it involves intensity, tragedy, genuine adults and sexiness that is Lin Gengxin. And there is an actual plot and darkness OMG!
7 Legend of Xiao Chuo - so beautiful, so fun, so full of gorgeousness of Shawn Dou. Plus, Liao is a rare setting for a cdrama and there are a lot of characters and stories I liked a LOT. Less ship content than I wanted but more than I expected.
6 The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so so delightful. I was literally laughing out loud. I have no idea if it will work as well if one isn’t a seasoned watcher of period cdrama/reader of web novels, with bonus for watching/reading Goodbye My Princess, but it was a complete delight for me (and yes, I shipped for real, as well. Best of both worlds.)
5 Twisted Fate of Love - Jin Han gets a leading period drama role! And he’s enjoying it to the hilt, excellent as a smart, twisty bastard who is also charming and so madly in love with heroine. Sun Yi is beautiful and tough and her chemistry with JH is on fire, the story never drags, and it’s so twisty and fun and just awesome.
4 Love In Between - the most underrated drama on this list. It has no big names or big budget, but it’s wuxia that’s clever, driven, tragic, hopeful and so beautifully shot. Three separate (amazing) OTPs, a leading man who is so not typical (a doctor who cannot fight and who never acquires this ability) and who is intense and smart and damaged, a heroine who puts her quest ahead of her emotions, an unhealthy degree of involvement by yours truly. This is a drama Fei should have been.
3 Love and Redemption - such a lovely, addictive, utterly romantic fairy tale. I was obsessed with it for a reason. All the tropes you love and some you didn’t know you did, a star-crossed OTP to the nth power (and a secondary OTP I hardcore love), a twisty yet coherent plot, some insane chemistry and so much whump and hurt/comfort they must have bought blood packets in bulk.
2 Go Ahead - yes, I can’t believe it either. A contemporary slice of life cdrama made it this high on my list. But the way it feels so real, the found family perfection, the characters I love and loathe, the perfect cherry of a wonderful OTP that hits my narrative kinks on top, and just a perfect storm of loveliness all around with this one.
1 The Wolf - is that any surprise to anyone who’s checked out this tumblr for the last couple of months? Tragic, intense and gorgeous; so romantic and angsty and passionate it made me lose my mind (though some of it was gone the moment the camera panned to Darren Wang) - all my favorite tropes and then some; this is a drama that may not be perfect but it is 100% and then beyond perfect for ME.
FAVORITE DRAMA
The Wolf - I have seen objectively better cdramas; even this year. But it has been literal years since I have been this hardcore obsessed, this utterly pleased, this emotionally catered to and devastated at once. A beautiful dark fairy tale that manages to own me despite the storytelling gaps due to censorship, it took me for one of the biggest emotional roller coaster rides of my drama watching career. Visually gorgeous, poetic, intense, and so romantic it took my breath away, this is not just my favorite cdrama of 2020, it’s my favorite drama this year period, and the one cdrama this year to make it into my permanent Top 10 cdramas list.
WORST DRAMA
Legend of Jin Yan - see my write up for it for why as I refuse to waste more time on this stupid mess.
FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER
Wolfie, The Wolf - he is such a haunted, tormented, complex, dark mess; loving and violent, severely damaged and with a hidden yearning softness, longing and aloof. And the amount of charisma and sheer masculine sex appeal Darren Wang brings to the role is insane and not something I see much of in a cdrama. Plus, that character arc with its rapid fall and slow painful redemption is A++++
Runner Up: Sifeng, Love and Redemption - has a male lead ever loved more utterly and selflessly, suffered more thoroughly and beautifully, and managed to have such chemistry with both his leading lady and his leading man (that his leading lady temporarily turned into) at once? The answer is no.
Almost made the cut - Feng Xi, Twisted Fate of Love, Han Shuo, The Romance of Tiger and Rose, Qing Ci, Love in Between.
FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER
Xiao Qian, The Romance of Tiger and Rose - so funny, so much the reason this drama was such a delight. I adore her beyond words.
NEEDS TO BE MURDERED
Murder Daddy, The Wolf - I am sad the censors robbed us of seeing him die on screen. He was fully human but nonetheless managed to be the worst monster in a drama full of literal ones.
Ling Xiao’s Mom, Go Ahead - I hate her so much I don’t want to look up her name. She abused the kid, the disappeared and came back to abuse him some more. I mean she literally gave her child mental health issues. She is the WORST.
FAVORITE SHIP
Xing’er x Wolfie, The Wolf - are you kidding me? Who else could it ever be for me? They destroyed each other and saved each other, sworn enemies and childhood lovers, soulmates and epic messes, they couldn’t live with or without each other. The longing, the passion, the intensity, the angst, the epicness. LIKE THERE ARE NO WORDS!!!!
FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP
Si Yuan, Shen Manqing, Love in Between - I loved them as much and often more than the main OTP. So much angst and passion and a happy ending! She is a seeming sect darling (except the sect is horrible and also sexist so her only worth is as a marriage candidate) and he’s an information broker who is actually one of the members of a destroyed sect that’s blamed for the massacre of her family. That chemistry and yearning is insane. The scene where she touches his face when he’s unconscious was in serious running for my favorite scene of 2020.
NOTP
Legend of Awakening - I have never seen a couple that didn’t just have no chemistry but exhibited actual revulsion towards each other before watching Chen Feiyu and Cheng Xiao try to act as lovers in this one. It was almost entertaining to be honest.
FAVORITE SCENE
It’s a tie and both are from The Wolf. One is a sequence where Wolfie marches to the walls alone, seeking death at Xing’er’s hands and the whole sequence with the battle and rescue follows. The other is the intercut between Xing’er going to her wedding and Wolfie going to his execution, and the auto-da-fe being intercut with her wedding.
BIGGEST CRUSH
Wolfie, The Wolf - Ummm have you seen this tumblr lately, it’s basically a drool shrine to the man.
BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER
Yelü Yansage, The Legend of Xiao Chuo - I have loved this actor since The Myth and he continued to competently steal every scene he was in.
NEEDS A SEQUEL
To Love - come out of the coma, dammit!!!!!!!
NEEDS A DIRECTOR’S CUT
The Wolf - duh. It started out as 59 eps and got cut to 49. I reaiize some stuff is never gonna get put in due to censorship, but some of the stuff that got cut got for time reasons because they were deluded and hoping to get a TV broadcast so ep count had to be under 50. I mean I doubt the censors would care if they kept scenes of Wolfie building her a swing or whatever. I really really want a director’s cut the way Goodbye My Princess did even if like with GMP it’s only three extra eps. Hell, I will take extra three minutes, as long as those three minutes are Darren Wang shirtless or with a sword. Ahem.
NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT
The Song of Glory - it’s a fairly solid drama but honestly it didn’t need to be as long as it was and kind of got draggy and I got lost interest. (I could have gotten snarky and said all the dramas I didn’t like needed scissors taken to them in their entirety but decided to play nice.)
TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT
There are a number of dramas I could complain about with regard to this (hi there, darling The Wolf!) but this award goes to Renascence - poor Renascence was never going to be a masterpiece, but it had the potential to be a bit of good cheesy fun until it had its run time cut by more than half and became an incoherent piece of insanity.
TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE
Dumb shrill innocent heroine who can’t tie her shoes - see basically all the cdramas I didn’t like this year.
FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF
Male lead torture - I mean it’s always open season on that in cdramas, but between Love and Redemption, The Wolf, Love Lasts Two Minds, Love in Between and so on, it was a banner year!
BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT
Legend of Fei - what a waste of that cast; what a waste of our finite time on this Earth. What a waste of my intelligence to hope for something better and stick with it for a dozen eps. I have had stale wonderbread that had more personality than this drama.There is absolutely nothing that stands out about this drama in any way, from half-dimensional characters, to actors who are sleepwalking, to a plot that moves at the speed of an arthritic snail, to uninspired cinematography and direction, to lack of any chemistry between anyone in the cast. If paint-by-numbers was done by a group of particularly linear robots, it might come across the same way as this drama.
BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE
The Wolf - honestly, I did not expect it to come out AT ALL EVER let alone to become my favorite drama of 2020. I was not familiar with the leading man (hahah), I liked Li Qin but wasn’t yet obsessed with her, and Xiao Zhan was excellent in The Untamed but I was hardly going to follow him from drama to drama (and I don’t do SLS any way.) And the trailer was enjoyable but unlike seemingly everyone, I didn’t think it was going to be some epic masterpiece. And then it came out and while it wasn’t objectively an epic masterpiece, it pulled out all the favorite tropes, shippy and narrative kinks from the deepest darkest recesses of my id. And I fell harder than I have in years.
2020 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH
None. Covid Year gave me PLENTY of time
BEST NON-2020 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2020
Novoland Eagle Flag and Joy of Life - they are in my Top 10 dramas from anywhere now. They are quite different except being smart and giving me protagonists to obsess over.
ETA: Also The Untamed because @idlewilds3 pointed out I actually watched it in 2020 even though I didn’t think so because this hellyear has lasted about three decades.
MOST ANTICIPATED IN 2021
I am gonna limit it to dozen and leaving out ones that aren’t necesarily supposed to air next year (Joy of Life 2, Love in Flames of War, Novoland Princess from Plateau.)
Monarch Industry, Novoland Pearl Eclipse, Silk Washing Stream, Dream of Changan, Sword Snow Stride, Wu Xing Shi Jia, Ancient Love Poetry, Immortality, The Long Ballad, Mirror Twin Cities, The Imperial Age, Fall In Love
#cdrama#legend of awakening#the wolf#go ahead#love and redemption#love in between#legend of fei#the legend of jin yan#the romance of tiger and rose#twisted fate of love#castle in the sky 2#legend of xiao chuo#the legend of xiao chuo#oops the king is in love#unicorn girl#autumn cicada#you complete me#dance of the sky empire#skate into love#irreplaceable love#eternal love rain#for married doctoress#love designer#love is sweet#renascence#my dear destiny#the chang'an youth#god of lost fantasy#cross fire#handsome siblings
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I was not technically tagged, but at least two people on my dash were like DO WHAT YOU WANT NO ONE IS YOUR GOD, and you know what? They’re right and valid.
1) How many works do you have on AO3?
96! And 90% of them are from just this year. Can’t wait to find out what the big 100 is gonna be. Any one of my WIPS could be Disney’s next 100th fic.
2) What’s your total AO3 word count?
455,024 (also mostly from this year...)
3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
In my entire life??? Since I was twelve??? I don’t even know, man. I wrote a lot of ooc crackfic and fic for cartoons when I was on FF.net, and then I was on LJ and wrote for a TON of different fandoms, but on AO3, I have written for Critical Role (so much CR), Yashahime/Inuyasha, Guardians of the Galaxy, His Dark Materials (TV), Steven Universe, Bleach, Alias, Supernatural, Dollhouse, Pushing Daisies (the last four were all transferred here from LJ, though)
4) What are your top five fics by kudos?
- turning wine back into water (Critical Role, de-aging fic with plot, 30457 words)
I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE HOW POPULAR THIS FIC IS. It beat out two of my super popular GotG fics that have been up since 2017 BY A LOT. Apparently, there was a market for the Mighty Nein being adorable cocktail brats and saving the world. Thanks, Liam’s Quest!
It is probably one of the most wholesome fics I will ever write too. I love it.
- Sunshine Came Softly (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket and Mantis friendship, 3188 words)
THIS FIC STILL GETS HITS EVEN TODAY. It was written right after I saw the movie so it hit hard and fast on the hype train.
- Mine Is Just a Slower Sacrifice (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket-centric, 2248 words)
BOY YOU CAN TELL THESE FICS ARE ANCIENT BECAUSE I HADN’T DEVELOPED MY TITLE NICHE YET. where are the lower caps and Seanan McGuire lyrics!!
Anyway, this was written probably IMMEDIATELY after I saw the movie and had to process Rocket’s emotions during the last moments, because of who I am as a person. For what’s mostly a character study, it got some mileage on it.
- they drink dreamers up like brandy (Critical Role, 1625 words)
Back to Critical Role! I wrote this one when I was in a fucking blind post-finale haze and producing massive amounts of Kingsley content and I wanted to write a silly fic about Caleb being tiefling catnip.
- if adversity breeds character (we’ve character enough for two) (Critical Role, Beau and Molly-centric, 1824 words)
I feel like most of my most kudos-ed CR fics are Beau-related, which is funny because I never really wrote her EVER. I guess I need to write her more often. ANYWAY, this one got jossed immediately after 141, but I needed to write Beau and Molly bantering and I couldn’t get her flipping him off after revealing her card is Rumor out of my head.
(Incidentally my sixth most kudos-ed fic is my Fjorester next gen fic, WHICH I WAS NOT EXPECTING AT ALL. IT’S A FIC BASED ON MY OC FANCHILDREN!! I’M VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THAT!!)
5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
Usually!! There are times when I forget and then it’s been so long that I never go back, but I like responding to comments. They make me so happy and I want to make sure the people who take the time to comment know that I see them and appreciate them. Especially if they give me long comments. You long commenters know who you are and I value you and also flail incoherently in your direction.
6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
God, probably this church takes no conversions simply because, like, the whole ending scenes are MISERABLE AND FULL OF ANGST and then it has the hopeful ending that is actually a bullshit lie.
But second place probably goes to what couldn’t i offer, what couldn’t i give, which is just misery porn in disguise as a character study. Sorry, Cree.
7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?
Okay, so back in the day when I was a tineh fanbrat I wrote a lot of self-indulgent crossovers featuring my friends and I in true Mary Sue format being ~saviors of the world~ alongside our favorite fictional characters and after I grew out of that, I very rarely did it again, because as someone who can only write AUs if they’re high concept and can only write crossovers if the canon welding is pristine, it’s difficult.
I have ideas for some! I just haven’t written them yet. Or they’re sitting in Google Docs partially written.
8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Not to my recollection, which is insane, because I’ve written some things in my youth that deserved it, but also I was a kid, so maybe I definitely did not deserve it. Don’t send hate to kids!!
9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?
The first smut I ever posted on AO3 involved some fucking American Gods flesh horror shit, so that answers your second question.
Basically, yes, but I write smut to facilitate character development in a way that regular story beats can’t, mainly with characters who are in some way deeply fucked up and have unbalanced dynamics.
So basically chances of me writing smut that isn’t Creecien or Lucigast? Very low. (I haven’t written Lucigast smut yet but I will. Inevitably.)
10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that anyone’s told me, but one time when I was a teenager someone ripped off an entire group messageboard RP I was in and tried to pass it off as a fic they wrote.
11) Have you ever had a fic translated?
Not that anyone’s told me!
12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I tried and it did not work out, because of (non-wanky) reasons, but it’s just not something I’d be very good at. I was the kid who wanted to work alone on group projects. I’m bad at group work.
13) What’s your all time favourite ship?
That I’ve WRITTEN??? Because that at least narrows it down significantly. Sesshoumaru/Rin hands down. It’s a good dynamic and they’re fun and sad at the same time.
My self-indulgent ass does also enjoy writing Creecien though. I’m putting it out there because I want it.
14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
GOD POOR SUPERNOVAS OF ALL SOUND AND LIGHT. THAT FIC COULD’VE BEEN A CONTENDER, but I unfortunately posted it RIGHT BEFORE the White Diamond episodes aired and it became so jossed by canon so fast that I gave up on life with chapter two half finished. I need to delete it but I can’t bring myself to bury my shame.
15) What are your writing strengths?
Dialogue and meta-narrative and character-specific stuff. I go into every story with CHARACTER FIRST mentality, which is how I end up writing so many damn character studies or why my word counts explode. I’m just out here naval gazing because I love character stuff SO MUCH.
I’ve been told I’m good at fight/action scenes too, which... Shocks me, but I think watching and playing a lot of D&D stuff has really improved how I write fighting and action sequences.
16) What are your writing weaknesses?
[whispers] too much naval gaze. dial it back, bitch.
I get really caught up in character stuff and forget to do important things like ADVANCE THE SCENE OR DESCRIBE THE SCENE OR LITERALLY ANYTHING. I also don’t think my prose is all that great, but I’m pretty sure every writer feels that imposter syndrome bullshit, so /waves hands. All I’m saying is I have seen some writers on AO3 who are writing some fucking vivid imagery and stringing flawless sentences together and weaving introspection and description together like beautiful baskets and they are stronger than any US Marine and I salute them and wish to be them.
17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
Iiii try not to. There’s times where I want to throw in, like, a little Zemnian for Caleb flair, but I try to stick to things that are either untranslatable (like German compound words), common phrases (like please or come here), or insults/curses/ pet names. Things that I don’t think Google will fucking lie to me about.
18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?
I think it was a Sailor Moon crackfic about Haruka being forced to enter a beauty pageant which was just a blatant rip-off of Ms Congeniality and oh my god was it awful. I don’t even wanna talk about it.
19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?
this church takes no conversions, probably BECAUSE it’s my little red-headed stepchild of a fic involving so many things that are just never going to make it popular (backstory fic, fic that is almost 85% headcanon, doesn’t involve popular characters, etc.), but godDAMMIT I love that fic so much. It was fun and I use every bit of that headcanon in almost everything like it’s my job.
shattered stage is a close second, because it was such a crazy concept for a fic that I PULLED OFF SOMEHOW and is this wonderful mix of crazy plot and character and lore and my three favorite tieflings having to work together. And also Jayne Merriweather as the main villain.
A lot of love went into both of those fics and they are my babies. this time next year we’ll see if I add Creedemption and shoot at fate to this list- probably. All of my epic long fics resolve to be my babies because I spent so much time on them, and I have to love them and cherish them because I raised them into gigantic wordy attempts to write a doorstopper.
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Alright, this one is long overdue for an anonymous friend who really wanted me to review The Healer. So after a short pause, here is another edition of
The Worst Movie on Netflix Right Now™
Heavy sigh.
Alright. Let’s talk about this one.
First off, I have to do some pretty serious content warnings, cause I know some people have been receiving some bad news recently and this review goes someplace you might not expect so, I love you guys, but please be aware that this review deals with: cancer, terminal illness, kids with cancer.
Now back to the bullshit.
This is basically a movie about a fucking dumbass dude who has trouble making obvious decisions.
SPOILERS AHEAD (are you new here?)
The main character Alec Bailey, begins the film as a total fuckwit. He lives in England (somewhere about) and owns a failing electronic handyman business that he calls “The Healer” (in the most pathetic stretch of narrative bullshit, but okay) and is in deep gambling debts to the Russian mob.
As our story begins, Alec discovers that he has a long lost rich uncle who makes him an offer: the uncle will pay off Alec’s debts if he agrees to live in Nova Scotia for a year. The uncle will make all the arrangements: plane ticket, work visa, place to live, etc. All Alec has to do is stay in Nova Scotia for a year.
OH NO! WHATEVER SHALL I DO?!? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN REMOTE NOVA SCOTIA FOR A YEAR AFTER ALL MY FINANCIAL CONCERNS ARE TAKEN CARE OF?
HOWEVER WILL I SURVIVE IN SUCH A HORRIBLE PLACE?11?!?
I BETTER THINK IT OVER.
*eyeroll*
He finally makes his decision after getting chased by mobsters trying to collect on his debts. ...like I said. He’s a fuckwit.
So he moves into this beautiful house in Nova Scotia. There’s no internet, which is a legit bummer, but his uncle has arranged a car for him to get to town. Seems like a pretty good gig. Even if it is going to be brutally cold come the winter months.
Well as soon as Alec arrives in town, everyone seems to know and be expecting him. He puts an ad out for his mechanical engineering services, again, under the name “The Healer.” Well........... that goes awry in ways you would expect. Suddenly, people start showing up requesting his physical healing services.
The thing is, the people from town seem to expect him to actually be a healer. They keep referring to a secret and to him being “the chosen one.” There’s no explanation for this.
Then there’s like... this whole weird interlude where Alec seems to kill the town priest, played by Jorge Ramirez (can someone please find this dude a good acting gig? my dude has decent comedic timing, he’s better than this shit). And Alec gets arrested. Even though the priest got up and walked away. All of this seems like a weird spinning of wheels before the actual plot. Like why is this happening. Why?
Eventualllllllly......... his uncle shows back up and fesses up (in the most elaborate way possible). People in his family have a gift. Every other generation, someone is chosen. And they have the gift of healing. Based solely on being near to someone who is destined to be saved.
The gift can only be activated around their 30th birthday (if this sounds unnecessarily elaborate, that’s because it is -- and I’m even cutting shit out like the secret basement and portraits on the wall, blahblahblah). The day after the birthday, the chosen one must decide. They can choose to accept or decline the gift of healing. Alec is given until midnight that night to make his decision. WILL HE BE THE CHOSEN ONE? WILL HE BE THE HEALER?!?!1?1
I mentioned that Alec is a fuckwit right?
*Hagrid voice* YOU’RE A FUCKWIT, ALEC!
*squints*
Annnnnnyhow. Alec goes to the town church where everyone is gathered at midnight (with thank you signs and a big round of applause) and he dashes their hopes. HE WILL NOT BE THE HEALER, NO! Even though it comes with no readily apparent downsides or costs. And he’d be able to relieve the suffering of others with no cost to himself. No, fuck it. He’s going to go home.
The town takes it pretty well, all things considered. The few people who had already been healed by being near him make speeches of gratitude. They all wish him a happy birthday and tell him he’s welcome to stay. Like these people are insanely understanding about him declining the gift of healing. INSANE.
It’s worth noting that we’re about halfway through the movie at this point and we haven’t met one of the main characters of the movie.
IN COMES ABIGAIL. Cancer kid extraordinaire. She is 14 years old. Her parents have driven 7 hours to see Alec. Their daughter is dying of terminal cancer, and all they want is for Alec to spend some time with her and give it a shot. But she’s a pretty self-possessed kid. She convinces the reluctant Alec to just hangout with her for the weekend to buck up her parents and give her parents some hope. She doesn’t believe in the healing, so no harm, no foul.
And finally we’ve hit the meat of our story. Will Alec be able to save Abigail now that he’s declined the gift? Will he regret it? WHY DID HE DECLINE THE GIFT!?1?
SPOILERS (really can’t discuss this movie without them)
It turns out, Alec had a brother who died of cancer. And they were incredibly close. In Alec’s words, “he was my everything.” But now he deeply regrets giving up the gift. Now he’s worried he can’t save Abigail.
You know what, man? Same.
SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TURN DOWN THE GIFT!??!?
Listen. Listen, listen. I don’t know a single person who has been touched by cancer who wouldn’t jump at the chance to have a healing gift. I mean, what the fuck. Death sucks. Losing someone you love from any kind of illness sucks. Especially when it feels even remotely too soon. And cancer is a particular type of FUCKING BULLSHIT. It sucks.
So it’s really fucking hard to understand why this FUCKWIT turns down the gift to begin with. Death and suffering is not abstract for him when this movie starts! So why we should feel sorry for his resulting anxiety, now that he has met someone who is directly negatively affected by his fucking BAD DECISION.
Anyhow, the rest of the movie is basically an exercise in how charming Abigail is and how much fun we can have with her before she goes off to die. Which like......... OH-FUCKING-KAY!
It should go without saying that this movie has a happy ending. The music swells where it should. The romance is consummated. Abigail is healed. All is going to be well with the world.
As a movie, this one has some weird fucking choices. First, all of the music cues in this movie are just wrong. “Faith” by George Michael is not a song about believing in something --- unless that something is having sex with someone who hurt you before. And the lighting in this film is so beautiful all the time, it looks like you’re in a fucking ciallis commercial, even when you’re in the freaking police station, wtf?
And last, the writing is just weird in places. Like why have the love interest lie about being a lesbian through 90% of the film? Why? It’s not a good joke! And It is COMPLETELY fucking baffling to me why the good news of this story is delivered off-screen instead of on-screen. If Abigail is going to be okay, why couldn’t she come back to Nova Scotia to tell him? Why couldn’t she deliver that news in person!? That’s just bad writing. What the fuck is that?
But whatever.
On the credit side, I think Oliver Jackson Cohen knows what he’s doing as an actor. He’s not Oscar-worthy yet, but I believed him. When he talks about his brother, I felt that. And that could not have been easy in such a fucking weird script.
But as much as I’d like to end this review right here, there’s more. Cause...
..........that’s not where the movie ends. Not entirely.
As the end music plays, the movie is dedicated to Paul Newman who established summer camps for seriously ill kids. And then we see images and videos of the kids all over the world enjoying activities at these camps.
And that’s where this critique stops. Sorta. Paul Newman was a legitimately good person. And his legacy of caring for sick kids carries on to this day, as was evident from all the footage.
But here’s the thing: healing as it’s depicted in this movie does not exist. But easing the suffering of others does. I wish this movie had been about that. I wish it had been less focused on miracles and weird family legacies and selfish fuckwits and more about the kind of healing that Paul practiced. But I guess that movie isn’t as fun, and it isn’t as hopeful and uplifting.
In the non-movie version of this story, Abigail Bryant died in 2014 at the age of 20. Her obituary still appears online. And it is still receiving comments and photos from cancer survivors and fighters, many of them who found her through the film. And they talk about how the movie touched them.
On that level, it doesn’t matter what I say here. It doesn’t matter that there are weird parts of this script or that healing like this is a fantasy. This movie does its job. It touches people. And if it inspires just a few more people to give money to help relieve suffering, then that’s all that matters.
Ronald McDonald House Charities
Cancer Research Institute
Hole in the Wall Gang (Paul Newman’s org)
Serious Fun Children’s Network (established by Paul Newman)
#ptpt reviews#the worst movie on netflix right now#i guess#sorta#cw: cancer#sorry for the long post#this one was complicated
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Love Bites Ch 15
This is the fifteenth chapter of a modern/vampire AU ereri fanfic. You can also read it on Ao3. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | Special | 15
Next
“You mean, all that stuff happened, and you’re just telling us now?”
Eren sighs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he waits for the streetlight to turn green. Mikasa is in the passenger seat of his car, glaring a hole into the side of his head. It’s been a little less than a week since his confession to Levi, and exactly a week since he’s last had blood. Today, Eren is bringing a pair of spectators to his usual meeting with Levi. He met with Levi a few days prior, so they could talk about what they should and shouldn’t say in front of Eren’s friends.
Any mention of murder was immediately out. Fight training could be brought up, but without any explanation of the reason. And… no mentions of crying or Eren falling apart in general. He didn't want them to know.
“Why? Would they judge you?” Levi had asked.
“No… No, I just… I just want that to be between us. Please.”
“If that’s what you want, I won’t bring it up.”
They just… worry too much. He doesn't need to give them any more reasons to.
“Eren!”
Though, if he didn't want to worry them, maybe Eren should have told Mikasa and Armin everything before the day he was supposed to bring them along.
“Look,” Eren says, “things just happened so fast! It wasn’t like I planned on not telling you guys—”
“So fast? It’s been weeks! You couldn’t text us once in the weeks since we last talked to you about this guy? No ‘hey guys, sorry I’m dating this creepy vampire hunter guy now?’”
“Wha—he’s not creepy!”
“My point is—”
“Mikasa,” Armin pipes up from the backseat. “To be fair, the dating started last week, according to Eren’s story.”
“Oh, don’t tell me you’re on Levi’s side with this,” Mikasa says, twisting around in her chair to face Armin.
“I’m not on Levi’s side. I’m on Eren’s side. And you should be too.”
“I am on Eren’s side, but—” Mikasa groans, massaging her temples with her fingers, momentarily sliding her glare to Eren. “We were supposed to meet and talk to this guy ages ago, Eren. Remember? You were going to introduce us? But you didn’t, so I don’t know him. I don’t know if he’s good for you.”
“Why don’t you just trust Eren’s judgement?” Armin asks, dragging Mikasa’s eyes back to him.
“I’m sorry, trust Eren’s judgment?” Mikasa pauses, turning to pat Eren on the arm. “Sorry, that came out mean. I love you. But—”
Mikasa twists around in her seat to face Armin again.
“—since when does Eren have judgment that we can trust reliably?”
Eren sighs again. Normally, he would be angry, but honestly, he knew this would happen. Maybe that’s why he’s been unconsciously putting this off for so long. He loves Mikasa, and ninety-nine percent of the time she’s fun to be around, but the other one percent is just such a pain…
“And what makes you not want to trust Levi?” Armin asks. Mikasa’s volume has been steadily rising, but Armin’s voice is still calm and even.
“Armin, he’s teaching Eren to fight with stakes and knives! Just because! That’s a man with violent tendencies, and I don’t think—”
“Eren has violent tendencies too!”
“Which is exactly why we shouldn’t encourage him to use knives, Armin! I’m just saying—”
“Mom, Dad,” Eren whines as he turns into the parking lot in front of Kuchel’s Kitchen, “can you please stop arguing before we get in there? You’re going to embarrass me in front of my boyfriend.”
“Mom and Dad?” Mikasa echoes with a disgusted scrunch of her nose.
“Well,” Armin says, dropping his chin into his hand, “if we’re going that route, it’d be more accurate for me to be a little sibling. Sticking up for my big brother as he gets scolded by our mom, I mean.”
Eren snorts as he puts his car in park, adjusting his rearview mirror to catch a glimpse of Armin. His friend—sorry, little brother—is putting on his best serious face, though his blue eyes are shining with amusement. Mikasa huffs and crosses her arms over her chest.
“And why does that still leave me as a mom?” Mikasa snaps, though there’s the beginning of a laugh behind her words.
“Because Eren has saved and protected me too many times for me to be his dad? If anything it’s the opposite,” Armin says.
“Yeah,” Eren says. “That, and you nag us like an old lady all the time.”
Mikasa aims a punch at him so hard that he can feel the pain even with his new, stronger vampire body. But her glare is faltering as she looks up at Eren, the corners of her lips twitching as she visibly struggles not to smile.
“See,” Armin says, poking Mikasa in the bicep, “but this is why you couldn’t actually be our mom. I think people would call a mom hitting her child a form of abuse.”
“What should I be so that I can do it without getting in trouble for abuse?” Mikasa asks, reeling her arm back in preparation for another punch.
“Hmmm…” Armin muses, covering his mouth with his hand as Eren raises his arms to defend himself from the hit he knows is coming. “A sibling!”
“Perfect.”
“Ahhh!” Eren shouts, and he’s laughing at the same time, even though Mikasa’s fist is hurtling at him like a pale asteroid. “No! Not the face!”
What could have been a clean hit against Eren’s jaw turns into an open palm on his forehead as Mikasa ruffles his hair, trying and failing to hold back little giggles bubbling from her lips. Armin splutters and spits from behind the hand covering his mouth until he can’t hold it back any longer, and soon the whole car is a laughing mess of grown adults acting like a bunch of twelve year olds.
When laughing fades to wheezing and gasps for breath, Armin drops his head onto the center console. Mikasa’s hand falls from Eren’s head to his shoulder.
“Your boyfriend…” Armin says between ragged breaths, “is going to think we’re insane. But I… I missed us. It feels like forever… since we’ve been us.”
Eren’s eyes widen as he looks down at Armin. God, when was the last time they were able to be like this? The last time they were able to act like the trio of idiots that they are? The last time Eren can recall is when they were in his apartment tormenting Armin about Twilight, but before that—
Before that, it had been months. Because after Eren’s mom—after becoming a vampire, Eren really just didn’t have it in him to be like this. To have fun, to fuck around with his friends like they were in middle school again. It was all he could do just to get through the day.
But… since meeting Levi, Eren has slowly become himself again.
“Yeah,” Eren says, dropping his fist onto Armin’s back. “I missed us too.”
The hand lingering on Eren’s shoulder squeezes, and Eren shifts his gaze to Mikasa, whose dark eyes are locked onto his face.
“Eren.”
“...Yeah?”
“If it’s…” Mikasa’s grip on Eren’s shoulder tightens. “If it’s because of that creepy vampire hunter guy—”
“Levi,” Eren interrupts. Mikasa rolls her eyes.
“If it’s because of Levi that you’re smiling again, then I… I’ll try to…”
Mikasa sighs.
“I’ll… attempt to not be as hostile as I could be towards him.”
“Is that the best I’m getting out of you?”
“Yes.”
Eren laughs, lightly punching her in the shoulder.
“Okay, I’ll take it. Now let’s get in there already. And Mom, Dad? No arguing.”
“Oh, quit it with that Mom and Dad bullshit!”
~ ~ ~
Levi is sitting at the table in the breakroom when the trio of friends walk in. His gray-eyed gaze meets Eren's from across the room, and Eren smiles, raising his hand to wave—
"Oh shit," Mikasa says as Levi stands up, "I forgot how short—"
Eren swivels, the hand he raised to wave turning to slap over her mouth, his other arm firmly grasping her shoulder and shoving her back towards the door.
"How short tempered I am!" Eren exclaims over his shoulder at Levi, who's looking over at them with a raised eyebrow. "Very short tempered. Why don't we go talk about that, Mikasa?"
Before anyone else can say anything, Eren shoves Mikasa through the breakroom doorway and drags her into a back corner of the kitchen, behind a shelf of pots and pans. Petra is at the stove, casting curious glances at them over her shoulder, so Eren settles for whisper-yelling at Mikasa instead of actually raising his voice.
"I thought you just promised to not be hostile!"
Mikasa pries Eren's hand away from her mouth, looking up at him with a frown.
"I genuinely didn't mean anything bad by it—"
"You expect me to believe that?"
"Look, it's been a while since I've seen the guy. Can you blame me for being surprised that he's the size of a middle schooler?"
"I can blame you for saying it out loud as soon as we walked in!"
"Okay, okay!" Mikasa says, grabbing Eren by the shoulders. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean to do it. I'll be more careful from now on."
Eren simply narrows his eyes at her, unsure if he can believe it. He wants to trust her, but he just doesn't want things to go bad, and Mikasa doesn't have the greatest history with being kind towards his boyfriends….
God, is this how she feels about Eren with nearly everything else? If he wasn't currently pissed, he would apologize.
"I promise!" Mikasa exclaims, though a frown comes to her lips as she looks up at Eren. "...Is he that sensitive about it?"
"Well—"
Actually, Eren's not sure. He doesn't remember bringing up Levi's height around the man. It's not that Eren hasn't noticed; being around six feet tall himself, it's extremely hard for Eren not to notice Levi's lack of height. But it never particularly mattered enough to Eren for him to bring it up. They spend a good chunk of their time around each other sitting, so it's not as noticeable. Besides, Levi has proved more than once that he can easily close their height gap whenever he wants…
Their first kiss flashes in Eren's mind. Levi's hand at his chest, clutching the collar of Eren's shirt, pulling him down effortlessly and—fuck, now is really not the time.
"I don't know if he is," Eren says, "but this is not how I want to find out, okay?"
Something that makes Eren uneasy sparks in Mikasa's eyes, but she nods.
"Okay."
Eren sighs, stepping away from her.
"Then let's hurry up and get back in there—"
"Wait."
It's a desperate effort to reign in the annoyed groan building in Eren's throat.
"What now?"
"Let me have one taunt."
"Mikasa—"
"Just one. Please? And then I'll be good."
Eren drags his hand over his face.
"Just one?"
"Yes."
"...Fine."
Eren bites back a sigh with his flat front teeth as he puts his hand on the doorknob. How is he going to salvage the situation? He made it way too obvious when he cut Mikasa off originally, and him taking her out of the room probably seemed suspicious too. Eren just has to make sure he makes up a good cover story for why they went out.
...What excuse did he make originally? Right, right, his temper…
Eren screws his eyes shut and prepares for himself to spectacularly fail this explanation, pushing the door open—
And then he’s greeted by a laugh.
Eren’s eyes pop open. It’s Armin’s laugh. Levi is out of his seat and has migrated closer to the door, where he stands beside Armin. They’re both facing each other, and though Levi’s not smiling, his gray eyes hold a small sparkle of amusement.
“Well,” Mikasa says, dropping her chin on Eren’s shoulder. “At least they’re getting along. I should take some notes from Armin, for your sake.”
Eren’s hands ball up into fists at the hem of his shirt, black fabric clutched tightly in his hands. His stomach feels… fuzzy. Fuzzy like mold. Like something doesn’t belong.
“What’s so funny?” Eren asks.
Two pairs of eyes swivel towards Eren, one blue and one gray. The remains of Armin’s laugh linger as a smile on his lips, and Levi’s expression softens a little.
“Nothing,” Armin says, “Levi and I were just introducing ourselves.”
“Oh,” Eren says. “Okay. Cool… Cool.”
He hears Mikasa’s voice over his shoulder—a soft, confused, “Oh?”
Two pairs of eyes narrow in concern, and Eren drops his gaze to the floor.
“Is everything okay—”
“You alright—?”
When Eren peeks up again, Levi and Armin are looking at each other, wide-eyed. Then, Armin covers his mouth as he laughs again, at the same moment that Levi begins to shake his head. A moment later, Levi looks over at Eren and points at Armin with a pale index finger.
“I like this one.”
Eren’s shoulders rise to his ears, and he hears Mikasa behind him again. This time her “Oh,” sounds decidedly less confused.
"That's good," Eren says, stomach feeling fuzzier than before. "Anyway, this is Mikasa."
"Hey," Mikasa says, raising her hand in a wave as Eren marches over to Levi and practically drapes himself over the man's back. "I'm the not-so-nice one in our group."
Eren's chin drops onto Levi's shoulder, his hands clutching Levi's shirt from behind. Levi's gray eyes dart up to look between Mikasa and Eren, but Eren averts his gaze, his grip tightening on Levi's shirt.
“Are you okay?”
It’s a whisper by Eren’s ear, so soft that he doesn’t even know if he can call it that. It’s loosely formed words on half of an exhale, at a volume meant for only highly sensitive ears. Eren smiles a little, nodding into Levi’s shoulder. Levi reaches around his back to grab one of the hands clinging to his shirt. Eren is happy to let him guide that hand to the front, where Levi can layer his own over it.
The fuzzy, moldy feeling in Eren’s gut fades.
Though when he looks up again, Armin is frowning over at them, and Eren's not sure why.
“Oh,” Levi says, his attention on Mikasa again. “So, you’re the one I need to worry about.”
“Definitely,” Mikasa says with a serious nod. “I’ll wreck your shit if you hurt Eren, little man.”
Eren buries his face into Levi’s shoulder and groans.
“Mikasa!” Armin exclaims with a gasp.
“What? Eren said I could have one taunt!”
“You’ve got an allowance for your insults, and you wasted it on ‘little man?’” Levi asks. “Shit, Eren, is this where you get your crappy quips?”
“Wha—” Eren leans away from Levi so that he can actually look him in the eye. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means this is to be expected from the friend of the brat who thinks he patented the word dumbass,” Levi says, reaching up to brush a lock of Eren’s brown hair behind his ear. Eren leans down into his touch.
“Actually, I said I copyrighted it, dumb—asshole.”
Levi snorts, guiding Eren’s face lower.
“Nice save.”
“Shut up.”
Their lips only meet for a moment, a brief touch before the sound of someone clearing their throat startles Eren into remembering that his friends are right there. His cheeks burn and he steps rigidly away from Levi, his eyes finding a distraction on the lines between the tiles on the floor.
When he's with Levi, it's just like… like other things take a backseat for a moment. Even when those other things are his best friends, being forced to stand around while he and Levi kiss.
What a fucking introduction this has been.
"Well," Levi says, using the awkward silence to change the subject, "I've got things I want to teach you two. You have any questions first?"
"Oh!" When Eren looks up, Armin's eyes are practically shining. "Actually we've been collecting questions for a while."
Armin pulls out a familiar notebook from under his arm, and Eren tilts his head, thinking back to when he first saw it.
"Have you erased anything since we last got together?" Eren asks as Armin passes the notebook to Levi.
Armin blinks over at Eren.
"No? Why would I do that?"
Eren just grins. To the side of him, Mikasa gasps and slaps a hand over her own mouth, stifling giggles. Armin's head whips back and forth as he sends questioning gazes their way.
"Guys? What is it?"
"Nothing, nothing," Eren says with a wave of his hand. "Go ahead, Levi."
Levi raises an eyebrow at Eren before shifting his attention to the notebook again.
"'Does being bit hurt a lot?' At first, and the 'a lot' depends on your pain tolerance," Levi says. "'Are there restrictions about numbers of partners?' No, that's personal preference. 'How accurate is…'"
Levi stops. He blinks down at the notebook page and then fixes each of them with an individual glare, going down the line and ending with Eren.
Eren covers his mouth with his hand, mirroring Mikasa as his shoulders begin to shake.
"What's wrong?" Armin asks.
"Twilight…" Levi says slowly. "That's the movie with the sparkly vampires, right?"
That breaks Mikasa. She has to lean on the wall for support, silent laughter rumbling through her. Eren has to stick part of his hand in his mouth to hold himself back.
"You're asking me," Levi continues, "which part of the sparkly vampire movie is accurate?"
"Oh my God." Armin's voice is muffled from burying his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry—I forgot that was there—"
Eren laughs so hard his chest aches. He doubles over, a hand layered over his stomach as he tries not to fall on the floor. And then his laugh makes Mikasa's silent laughter turn into loud, borderline cackling, which just makes Eren laugh even more.
"Do vampires get offended by humans who think Twilight is accurate. Do vampires sparkle like they do in Twilight. Does a vampire's sense of smell work like it does in Twilight…"
There's no inflection in Levi's voice. He reads it with all the emotion of a corporation's automated voicemail. Armin lets out a sound like a distressed whine from behind his hands.
"Just kill me now," Armin mumbles.
"I could arrange that," Levi replies. "For the both of us."
This was so worth it.
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PROMPT LIST
PROMPTS TO BE REQUESTED FOR USE IN HBO WAR IMAGINES OR HEADCANONS !
ANGST/MISC.
1. “Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”
2. “Nobody’s seen you in days.”
3. “Can you shut up for once in your life?”
4. “Don’t you trust me?”
5. “What if, after everything I’ve gone through, something’s gone wrong inside me...something bad” “You’re not a bad person”
6. “How strange is it after all that, we are strangers again”
7. “I just came to say goodbye”
8. “You’re being emotional, it’s understandable, but unnecessary”
9. “I’m here because I care for you”
10. “And that makes it okay?”
11. “Are you afraid to die?”
12. “What would you do if I didn’t come back?”
13. “I don’t want to talk about it”
14. “Is that blood?” “.....No?”
15. “If i asked you to stay, would you?”
16. “People don’t seem to want us, do they?”
17. “You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?”
18. “Don't take another step in my direction. I can't be trusted around you.”
19. “I'm not naïve. I have seen women around you. Don't think I don't see how they fall for your charms.”
20. “I almost feel bad for you.”
21. “I saw you staring. Like he's just your understudy”
22. “I'm not your problem anymore”
23. “I hate seeing you like this.”
24. “You don’t get to say anything to me!”
25. “Excuse me?”
26. “You aren’t going anywhere.”
27. “You aren’t the boss of me.”
28. “All I wanted was a happy ending.”
29. “Your hands are just as dirty.”
30. “What did you just say to me?”
31. “Never trust a man whose smile steals the breath right from your lungs.”
32. “How am I supposed to go on?”
33. “Can’t you see how fucked up this is?
34. “Move out of my way before I make you.”
35. “I can beat you with one hand behind my back.”
36. “Do you understand what you’ve done?”
37. “Is this how you thought your life would be?”
38. “Did you expect this to turn out better?”
39. “Are you satisfied with yourself now?!”
40. “Can you shut up for once in your life?”
41. “Should you be drinking that much?”
42. “Why are you awake right now?”
43. “You’re not a bad guy.”
44. “Maybe it’s a blessing he didn’t love me.”
45. “She made me feel safe, even when I hated her.”
46. “You’re upset and looking for someone to blame.”
47. “That’s not on me, it’s on you.”
48. “I never had anyone until him.”
49. “We signed a deal with the devil.”
50. “I love you! Is that what you wanted to hear?”
51. “Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to.”
52. “I love you, but you’re not mine.”
53. “We grew apart, and at this point I’m glad.”
54. “Find somebody else to kiss your ass.”
55. “Hurting you is the last thing I’d do, you know that.”
56. “There was this sadness in his eyes.”
57. “You said you’d always be there for me, but you’re not.”
58. “ “I don’t want you to leave my side.”
59. “How did things go so wrong?”
60. “Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”
FLUFF
1. “You said to be honest, stop hitting me!”
2. “I’m not entirely an idiot, you know”
3. “All right, miss high and mighty”
4. “You’ve always got me.”
5. “You’ve always felt like home.”
6. “I’m right where I belong.”
7. “I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.”
8. “Shall we stick together?”
9. “I’m too sober for this.” “You don’t even drink.” “Maybe I should start.”
10. “If I die, I’m haunting you first.”
11. “You're family.”
12. “I care about you.”
13. “Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?”
14. “Please don't have somebody waiting on you”
15. “I hope you know what you're doing.”
16. "What are you smiling about?"
17. “I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.”
18. “I’d punch you, but that’d ruin that pretty little face of yours.”
19. “Sorry, was that supposed to impress me?”
20. “You’re insane,” “You love me,” “Not right now I don’t.”
21. “It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.”
22. ““I just want to see you happy.”
23. “I haven’t seen you smile like that in ages.”
24. “Home stopped being a place when you entered my life.”
25. “I’m proud of you.”
26. “Aren’t we supposed to be working?”
27. “You can’t look handsome and dangerous at the same time.”
28. “You broke my nose!”
29.”You really can’t take a hit, can you?”
30. “Well, at least we have each other.”
31. “You come here often?” “Well, this is my company. So I think I’d have to say ‘yes’.”
32. “I’ve grown to like you more in your absence.”
33. “I just asked if you were cold. I didn’t ask for your whole life story.”
34. “The flirting was to distract him.”
35. “But, then on meeting you, I felt I should be with you always.”
36. “Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?”
37. “Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.”
38. “Do I look like a killer to you?” “Yes, you kill my patience.”
39. “You promised not to tell” “Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, and here we are, so welcome to the real world”
40. “If you’re gonna act like an ass, I’m going to treat you like an ass.”
41. “Life is too short to spend it on people who annoy you.”
42. “If I wanted kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
43. “Thanks, but I’ve gotta go to sleep because I have a big day of....misery ahead of me.”
44. “You’re so wrong, it makes me want to cry a little.”
45. “Every time something goes well, I momentarily forget how much I despise you.”
46. “Well, this would be fun if I wasn’t miserable.”
47. “I will make you sorry you were ever born” “For your information, I’m already sorry I was ever born.”
48. “Give me a reason why I shouldn’t set you on fire.”
49. “I would prefer an assassin’s bullet to this living hell.”
50. “Underneath this cool exterior is a sad human being.”
51. “It was just the two of us, and it was wonderful.”
52. “I’m not entirely an idiot.”
53. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
54. “You give me a reason to be better, to do better.”
55. “I could punch you right now.”
56. “Good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion.”
57. “The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his fourth and fifth ribs.”
58. “What do you mean she’s my new partner? She tried to kill me last week!” “Sounds like a you problem.”
59. “Oh honey, I’d never be jealous of you.”
60. “Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?”
SONG PROMPTS !
1. ENCHANTED - Taylor Swift
2. YOU’RE SOMEBODY ELSE - Flora Cash
3. MORAL OF THE STORY - Ashe
4. FRIENDS - Chase Atlantic
5. EXILE - Taylor Swift
6. CROWD - Silver Sphere
7. SWINGING ON A STAR - Bing Crosby
8. YOU ALWAYS HURT THE ONES YOU LOVE - Mills Brothers
9. LOOK AFTER YOU - The Fray
10. DEEP END - Birdy
11. ARCADE - Duncan Laurence
12. FALLING APART - Michael Schulte
13. SUN - Sleeping At Last
14. DYNASTY - Miia
15. IRIS - The Goo Goo Dolls
16. LOSE YOU TO LOVE ME - Selena Gomez
17. LITTLE TALKS - Of Monsters and Men
18. ALWAYS - Isak Danielson
19. HAPPIEST YEAR - Jaymes Young
20. YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL - Lana Del Rey
21. SOMEONE TO YOU - Banners
22. I LIKE ME BETTER - Lauv
23. COLLIDE - Rachel Platten
24. FRIEND - Gracie Abrams
25. HAPPY ENDING - Mika
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Map of the Soul: 7 Album - First listen review
[I won’t bother reviewing the ones from PERSONA that were added, since I already did a post for Persona when it came out. Only the new songs]
#1. Interlude: SHADOW
WOW.... just when you thought the first version hit hard/differently. The extended version comes in to choke-slam you against the wall.
#2. Black Swan
Our new Royal to take a spot in the throne of power along with Blood Sweat & Tears, Spring Day, Fake Love, and Outro: TEAR.
Do we even need to add more additional to what we’ve been saying since its release? As an artist, the lyrics still pull at my heart strings the same way they did the first time I heard it. Especially the verse that says:
‘If this can no longer resonate
No longer make my heart vibrate
Then like this may be how I die my first death
But what if that moment’s right now
Right now .’
This verse can be applied to ANY time we loose faith in ourselves or have to give up on a dream/passion and how that separation slowly kills us inside.
#3. Filter (Jimin’s solo)
....Not gonna lie, this song gives me TRUST ISSUES just because its Jimin LOL!
‘Cause I remember seeing & hearing Serendipity for the first time and it was such a lovely melody and the lyrics were so soothing like a lullaby expressing Love in its purest form.
But then you see the choreo and it all went Magic Mike SO FAST X”D.
Because on one hand the lyrics (at first glance) can be interpreted as Jimin seeing himself through Army’s eyes. How WE see his “Duality” - cute/adorable/lovely one minute and then sensual/tantalizing the next.
That boring expression of yours, boring feet
Please look at me now
Put down your phone, don’t even think about turning your head
Let me know your type
You can choose and use me yeah
Oh I cover your eyes with my hand
Oh go towards the secret
I’ll take you to a brand new world
Yeah open your closed eyes now go!
Mix the colors of the palette, pick your filter
Which me do you want?
The one who’s going to change your world, I’m your filter
Cover it over your heart
(Ok) How is it, do you feel it a bit? Is it still not enough?
(Yes) Girl you have your chance
I can be your Genie
How ’bout Aladdin?
I’ll become anything [for you]
You can choose and use me yeah
That first part really does sound like how he would accommodating his “Persona” to make us happy. And every-time something he does isn’t enough he changes again.
Of course this doesn’t have to mean what he’s doing in the present, “Filter” could be just like “Lie” which spoke of his past-self and how he used to blame himself for the group’s failures. So maybe he’s expressing how’s he’s had to change himself throughout the years to please the fans as long as they understood and accepted who HE REALLY IS beyond the Idol persona.
Or y’know, this is just a very sexy number he wanted to try and shy away from his comfort zone XD. And I’ll bet all my money that the choreo’s gonna be SEXY AF and WE AIN’T READY FOR IT.
P.S. that moment when the music stops and he goes: “OKAY.” WITH HIS SEXY DEEP AF VOICE, JESUS!!!!
#4. My Time (Jungkook’s solo)
Kook’s solo not only reminded me heavily of “Begin”, but it also sounds like what “Decalcomania” should’ve been if he had released the full version.
He’s seeing himself not as an Idol, but not quite as Jeon Jeongguk either.
Like he’s just standing in the middle watching his two selves, his two Personas and trying to find which one is his. Which reality he is living in--or should be living in. Which part of his life belongs to his “normal/non Idol self” and which one is part of the mask/Idol self he puts up for the fans.
And yes, you know, yes. you know
Oh I can’t call ya, I can’t touch ya
Oh I can’t
Let me know
Can I someday find my time?
Finna find my time
Someday finna find my time
This verse sounds like he’s still experiencing that loneliness that all artists experience during stardom very often (Note on how in Shadow Yoongi is the one who says: “Nobody ever told me how lonely it is up here.” ). Like how he sometimes wishes he could tell someone, but can’t?
#5. Louder than bombs
All rise for our National Anthem!
If Shadow hit hard while choke slamming you. Then this song is the overkill.
The vocals are insane, and the lyrics mixed with the music tell one story through two points of view. Actor in the spotlight and Actor as a Spectator.
This is BTS telling us how people view them and having to keep their emotions in check in the face of criticism from general audience and even antis, versus how they truly feel inside and behind close doors.
Break, unwind, let it out, breathe out, stand up, pray for better days and keep moving.
#6. ON
THIS👏SONG👏FUCKING👏SLAPS👏PERIOD👏!
The energy, the rap line, the vocal line, the CRAZY FOOTWORK AND INSANE CHOREO.
THE JIKOOK NIP-SLIPS
THE BODY ROLLS
THE TATTOOS---
THE SUBTLE “GO FUCK YOURSELF!”
I LOVED IT and it gave me such a strong throwback to NOT TODAY.
#7. UGH!
This is CYPHER_pt3 Killer, CYPHER pt. 4, TEAR & DDAENG’s lovechild.
This song is the Rap Line going like: “THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WANTED TO TRY ME (AGAIN) AND IMMA GIVE THESE BITCHES A CYPHER.
BITCHES LOVE CYPHERS.”
#8. 00.00 (Zero o’ Clock)
When I saw that we were having another Vocal Line unit song the first thing I kept praying for was: “PLEASE don’t let this be another Truth Untold...”
Because I absolutely HATED the hypocrisy that came out of this fandom ESPECIALLY the toxic Solo Stans who did nothing but hype up their faves while shitting on other members (I will never forgive those who went so far as to defame and even act as if Jimin wasn’t part of the Vocal Line, ya’ll are still trash for that).
But I gotta say Zero o’ Clock was totally something I can see them enjoying while performing. Despite, of course, the song talking about hardships and finding a new way to be happy throughout the tough times even when you don’t feel like smiling.
I liked it, the vibes are a bit like “2,3″ and “Magic Shop”. A song for HEALING.
#9. Friends (VMIN sub-unit)
VMIN
SOULMATES FOREVER.
I also LOVED that they added the voice messages Jimin & Tae used to leave each other since their recording schedules were different and they didn’t see each other. That was such a nice touch. T_T
That little “Hello my Alien” .... that made me emotional. I kept imagining those mischievous kids running around playing pranks on the other members, like that one time they made Hobi fall off the chair and got chased by him XD ...*SOBS*
#10. Inner Child (Taehyung’s solo)
All the time I kept listening to this song I kept imagining Taehyung sitting in a park next to his Younger Self, like the way a father sits with their youngest son and talks to them about life. What to expect, what will change and how to go about these changes.
Really heartfelt song.
#11. Moon (Jin’s solo)
Just like Tae’s song, “Moon” makes me thinking of all those moments when Jin kept doing his “Heart Event” where he kept pulling out hearts out of nowhere. Each time more clever than the first, just to show ARMY how much he loves us.
I wonder all of a sudden, do you really know yourself?
Do you know how pretty you are?
I will orbit you
I will stay by your side
I will become your light
All for you
This part in particular makes me think of Jin up on stage staring at a stadium full of bright little stars that are in reality Army Bombs.
#12. Respect (Namgi Unit-song)
Fave verse from this song is:
“Re-spect”, it’s literally looking again and again
Looking again and again and you’ll see faults
But despite of that you still want to look
And the fact that you have two members of different ages (Hyung/Donsaeng), in a sort of conversation that goes back and forth between what the real meaning of “RESPECT” is and how people throw the word around, even those who speak ill of others behind their backs.
And were they talking in Satoori in the end??? That was nice XD
#13. We are Bulletproof: the Eternal
Throw stones at me
We don’t fear anymore
We are we are together bulletproof
(Yeah we have you have you)
Even if winter comes again
Even if I’m blocked off, I will still walk
We are we are forever bulletproof
(Yeah we got to heaven)
#14. Outro: EGO (Jhope’s Solo)
EGO is Jhope and Jhope is EGO in all it’s glory.
Like “Just Dance” i like the contrast how in EGO he’s doing a back-track to his younger self, how he used to dance to prove something TO OTHERS, where as now that he’s older he just accepts that everything that happened is just part of life. So he’s a happier now doing what he loves BECAUSE he loves to dance.
#15. ON (feat. Sia)
....WHY?
Like... I don’t wanna be THAT BITCH and drag nobody, but like... was this really necessary?
I mean atleast Nicki Minage and Halsey had their own parts that they owned like the bad bitches that they are.
But like...
Yeah, Imma stop right here.
#BTS#mots 7#bts mots 7#Map of the soul#MapofSoul#map of the soul 7#Jungkook#Jimin#Jhope#Jin#Yoongi#Taehyung#Namjoon#Suga#V#RM#bts comeback#bts songs#interlude shadow#Filter#ON#Inner Child#Moon#Respect#00.00#we are bulletproof#louder than bombs#bts x troye#Vmin#Namgi
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Chapter 11: When The Morning Comes
(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)
…in which Harry has a special surprise for his girl.
AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).
Chapter 10: Only Us - Harry’s in Paris but his heart’s in Holmes Chapel.
Wattpad link
[ANNOUNCEMENT]: I have an exam on Friday, September 13 so I won’t be able to update next week (Saturday, September 14). The next chapter will be posted on Saturday, September 21.
(I also created a Spotify playlist for this trilogy! Check it out!)
- Love, Allie.
.
.
.
⌲ Facetime?
⌲ Bambi: Wait, I thought you were going out?
⌲ Nah. Plans canceled.
⌲ Bambi: Oh no :(
⌲ Are you still with the girls?
⌲ Want to see you.
⌲ Bambi: Nope, I got home an hour ago. Wait a sec.
Harry lied back on his bed, peering at the bright screen in the darkness while his heart was pounding like a drum. What should he say to her? How should he begin? He had mentally prepared a script on the ride back to the hotel, but now he'd forgotten every single word as all these negative thoughts were eating away at him.
He couldn't forgive Ruby for the fucked up thing that she'd done. But what about himself? Could he forgive himself? Y/N might have kept a secret from him, but he was the one that owed her an apology. It was sad to think about all the smiles she'd had to fake to convince him that everything was fine. The worst part was, he'd believed them all.
A muscle in his jaw twitched as FaceTime rang and he accepted the call, only to be greeted by a black screen.
"Turn on your camera, Bambi," he said, frowning.
"Shhh, I have a surprise for you."
"A surprise?" Harry was even more confused when he heard rustles in the background. "What are you up to, kid?"
Y/N finally removed her hands and stepped away from her laptop, giving Harry the full view of the dusty blue dress she was wearing.
"This is my bridesmaid dress. I want you to be the first one to see it on me."
"Jesus Christ..." Harry muttered, smiling so big that his cheeks hurt.
Words couldn't describe how gorgeous his girlfriend looked right now. The fancy floor-length dress should've contrasted her bare face and messy hair, but on the contrary, it intensified her beauty. He wished she could for once see herself through his eyes, maybe then she would love herself as much as he loved her.
Y/N looked straight into the webcam as she adjusted the spaghetti straps and stepped closer to show him the gorgeous lace details on the bodice.
"You're perfect," he sounded almost breathless. "Gosh, you're perfect."
His reaction got her blushing but she couldn't stop grinning now.
"Do I look like a princess?" she asked and gave him another twirl with both arms rounded above her head like a ballerina. Now as an adult, she was still obsessed with tulle dresses, and Harry thought it was absolutely endearing.
"You do, baby, you do. You're my little princess."
"My prince." She bobbed a curtsy to him like the exuberant little girl he'd grown up with. And he would kill to see her like this every day, for the rest of his life.
"You shouldn't be allowed to be at the wedding, you're gonna steal all the attention away from the brides."
She rolled her eyes at his cheeky remark and plumped herself into the spinning chair. The Ruby problem still hadn't slipped his mind, and he was still mad as hell, but this certainly wasn't the right time to talk about it. She was excited, and he didn't have the heart to take that away from her.
He beamed, showing his teeth. "Maybe I'll show up as a surprise guest and steal all the attention from you."
Y/N only snorted as she assumed he was kidding. For someone who owned a private jet and big houses in so many cities in the world, Harry wasn't as free as people might think. He had to be on set almost every day for the rest of his stay in Paris, so if he wanted to attend the wedding, he would have to duplicate himself.
But a wise man once said, 'there's no problem, only solutions.' This time, Harry might have found the perfect solution.
The next morning, as he got on set, everyone wondered if something had happened to him the night before. He was talking to everyone and cracking jokes, and Evangeline, the director, told him, "keep up with that attitude and today might be your lucky day."
He hoped she was right, but so far, his day had been pretty mediocre. Sure he'd had a few happy and memorable moments during scenes and in between. But overall, mediocre. It was the thoughts about what he would do after finishing work that kept him motivated.
Acting with Ruby might be the only challenge of today. It wouldn't have been so hard if earlier that morning she hadn't had flowers sent to his trailer with a note saying she was sorry. How could she simplify what had happened with a single bouquet? Their issues were way bigger than that and too much for him to handle, so just like those flowers from her, he tossed them in the bin. Out of sight, out of mind.
At around 5 PM, Harry left the film set. Instead of going back to his hotel, he asked the driver to take him to the airport where his private jet was waiting to take him back to London. By the time he got back to Holmes Chapel after a four-hour drive, it would've been almost midnight.
As his car moved over the country road, lights on full beam, he finally understood why Y/N enjoyed long night drives so much. This was his time to let his brain roam free. He felt like the only person in this world as cars drove past him without knowing who he was. The idea of being a nobody excited him. When the morning came, he would return to London and fly back to Paris, pretending that tonight had never happened. Because tonight, he wasn't Harry Styles the movie star, he was just a nobody from Cheshire going home to visit his girl.
Meanwhile, Y/N was home and wide awake. During her first two years of college, she had spent almost every night at a different party or a club, just trying to find meanings for her life by doing crazy meaningless things. But her mindset had changed after a year without him, and now she preferred spending time alone, and of course, with him.
It was nearly half-past eleven. she was sitting on the bed, with her laptop on her lap and Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac blasting through the Bluetooth speaker on the nightstand. She couldn't call Harry for he'd told her he would be out with his team, so she decided to reread his notes and maybe write something. She had expected it to be hard to be inspired after having taken such a long break from writing, but then she ended up sitting for hours in front of her laptop, typing away effortlessly.
When the first few pebbles hit her window, she was too caught up in her own fictional world to hear it. But that was only until the biggest one nearly broke through the glass and caught her attention. She bounced off the bed and dashed to the window to see what was happening.
"Harry?!" Her eyes were wide with shock. She had to lean outside a bit further to make sure the streetlight wasn't playing tricks on her vision. But then he called, "Bambi!" And she knew she wasn't insane. He was.
"What the hell?!"
"Juliet would never use that kind of language!" He chuckled.
"And you're not Romeo," she rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "Oh, wait, you know what? From this angle, you do look like young Leo in 'Romeo and Juliet'."
"Told ya!"
"Or maybe it's just the bad lighting."
Harry held up his middle finger as she tossed her head back and laughed.
"Just get down here before your dad wakes up and kills me!"
"Shit, you're right. One minute!" Giggling, she threw on a jacket over her PJ and snuck out of the house. The moment she burst through her front door, she leaped fast down the steps and straight into his strong arms.
There was the kind of hug that was brief and gentle; then there was the kind of hug that was suffocatingly affectionate, like this one, her favorite. She stood on her toes, arms draped around his neck as she inhaled the familiar scent from his shirt to make up for the last few days she hadn't got to feel him. As he leaned down, she stretched her neck for an open-mouthed kiss, clumsy yet impassioned. He nearly lifted her off the ground completely and squeezed the air out of her, but she didn't complain. She could stay like this, right here with him, until sunrise.
By midnight the darkness was almost absolute. The moon had shrunk to almost nothing and the tiny little stars scattering across the sky looked little specks of dust on a black velvet blanket. With the flashlight on their phones guiding the way, she snuck him into her backyard, and they climbed over the new fence to get into his yard. He went first and then held onto her hips to get her down.
"Have you done this before?" she asked when he turned on the outdoor lights on his back porch.
"Done what?" He arched an eyebrow in amusement.
"Sneak into someone's backyard."
"This is my backyard though."
"You don't live here anymore. It doesn't count."
"Okay, then no. Have you?" Harry wetted his lips, hands on her hips as he backed her up against one of the square columns supporting the porch. She stood with her hands behind her back and her back against the wood, her face lifted as she stared into his dark green eyes.
"Nope." She shook her head, letting him lean heavily against her and bury his face into her neck.
"Another first for us," he mumbled.
She sighed and pushed him away by his shoulders, their eyes meeting again. Her eyebrows furrowed as she told him, "you're crazy."
"Yeah," he said happily. "I’m crazy for you."
Y/N didn't say anything else. She didn't ask him why or how or when or what or any other questions relating to him showing up here. She knew he couldn't stay for long, so they shouldn't waste their time together on excessive inquiries.
"Come." He stepped back and grabbed her hand. "Wanna show you something."
Bemused, she followed him toward the fence separating their two houses. The porch lights illuminated almost two-thirds of his garden, giving them a good view of the whole lawn. Right exactly where their treehouse used to stand, was now a sapling planted in a patch of soil.
"Oh my God," she exclaimed and squatted down on the grass to observe the tiny tree as he did the same, and then she looked up, blinking her inquisitive dark eyes.
"How long has it been here?"
"Last night." He crossed both arms on top of his knees. "You said no expensive gifts, so...I bought you a tree."
"From Paris?!"
The way she screwed up her face had him chortle. "No, silly, from the shop near our school. Mum helped me plant it."
"It's so cute, baby!" She clutched her heart. "I love it so much!"
"Yeah? We can build a new treehouse on it once it's fully grown."
"But we will have been sooooo old by then."
"Then we'll build it for our children."
Harry was completely unaware of what he'd blurted out until he saw the look on her face. Her forehead creased as her lashes fluttered. Oh shit, what had he done? Why would he say that?! He had literally flown across the ocean and driven four hours back here to scare off his girlfriend with his spontaneous one-sided future plan for them. What if this freaked her out? What if she hated him? What if—
"Was that a proposal?"
"Huh?"
"Did you just indirectly propose?" she softly rephrased the question, smirking as a blush crept up his face. "I think our children will love it."
"Did you just indirectly said yes?" He released a throaty laugh.
"Maybe," she said at last, her cheekbones lifted high.
That one-word answer filled him with elation as he started grinning like a Cheshire Cat and plopped down on the grass, crossing his legs. Y/N subconsciously mirrored his posture.
"I used to dream of marrying you under that tree, right here in your backyard," she admitted, even in this light, he could still see her cheeks turning pink. Maybe that was why she couldn't look him in the eye as she spoke and had to distract herself by fidgeting with a wild flower. She went on, "I remember having this long discussion with Celine about our dream weddings during one of our sleepovers in fifth grade. We both agreed to marry the love of our lives right where we first met them, and now, ten years later, her dream is finally coming true."
"What about you?" His tone was low and cautious as he hesitated, "do you...do you still want a wedding in my backyard?" It was just him indirectly asking her if she considered him as the love of her life.
"I indirectly said yes, didn't I?"
Harry's heart leaped with joy when he heard the answer. He got up on his knees, pinned her down on the grass, and kissed her mouth desirously. They didn't mind getting their clothes dirty as they were sprawling across his yard, kissing and caressing one another. The night was young and so were they. Right now it was just them and the infinite sky above. They felt so small, but at the same time, like they could conquer the world. Was this the kind of love people would write songs and books about? The kind of love that made you feel powerful and capable of anything? Harry hoped she felt the same way because now there was fire was burning underneath his skin, but it was the type of burn that left him yearning for more. He didn't want to say goodbye, even just for another week. Could he just wrap her up in a blanket and take her with him wherever he went? He couldn't prevent that selfish thought, but he kept it to himself. She would yell at him if he suggested that she let him fly her to Paris, since she didn't even let him spoil her with expensive souvenirs.
"Do you like the gift?" he asked, and she brightened.
"I love it as much as I love you."
"Wow, that's a lot."
As he pretended to be shocked, she giggled and said, "I know."
He placed a few more pecks down her neck before rolling onto his back, holding her hand. Both turned to look at each other at the same time and dissolved into laughter at the cute little coincidence.
The next question slipped out of his mouth before he could reconsider asking. "If you're unhappy, you'll tell me, right?"
"Why would I be unhappy?" She pondered and turned to the side as he did the same, facing her.
"I don't mean right now. Everyone has those days, especially you," he said and booped her nose. "But you'll tell me, right?"
"Of course."
"Pinky promise?"
"Pinky promise."
He sighed in relief when she hooked her pinky to his.
Anyone would've called him mad for putting his faith in a pinky promise, but in their world, a promise, big or small, should always remain unbreakable. So he trusted his Bambi to keep her word.
"We need to get used to each other's absence," she changed the subject after a moment, glowering at him. "It's easy to travel back and forth between Paris and London, but what will happen when you go on press tours?"
"We'll figure out a way. Don't you worry."
"I don't want to trouble you."
"You could never trouble me, kid. I don't mind traveling halfway across the world to see your face."
He ran his thumb across her pouty lip, wanting to ask her what was wrong, but she went first, "are you scared of it?"
"Of what?"
"Absence."
"Well, yeah, I am," he exhaled. "All the time." It was hard to admit it, but it did feel much better to get it off his chest.
"You know," she trailed off and bit her lip as her face relaxed. "There's a saying that 'absence is to love as wind is to fire: it extinguishes the little flame, it fans the big.'"
"Are we the big flame or the little flame?"
"We could burn this whole town down," she said, her big round eyes twinkled like stars.
Harry spread his arms and Y/N automatically shifted in to rest her head on his chest. The night air cooled their skin as soft breezes blew through their hair and clothes. His limbs gradually went numb and he was almost paralyzed from his neck down, but in a good and soothing way. He felt like he was floating and only felt like this when he was home.
"What did you get me the other day?" Her voice was clear and soft.
He looked down, beaming at her face. "Why don't you guess?"
"Shoes?"
"Christian Louboutin."
"Cheeky bastard," she snorted. "Have you returned them?"
"No, I keep them in case you change your mind. They're in my car actually."
When she narrowed her eyes, he expected a grumble, but then she gave him a shrug and said, "fine, I'll wear them to the wedding."
"That's my girl!" He pulled her right in by the arm and showered her face with kisses until she pushed him away, breathless from laughing so much. Y/N flipped onto her stomach, resting her cheek on her knuckles as she smiled down at him and he stroked her face tenderly.
"Don't forget to tell the wedding guests your rich boyfriend got you those shoes," he said.
"Oh, you mean my sugar daddy?" The corner of her eyes crinkled. "How about I tell them I met this eighty-year-old man and became his sex slave so he could pay my rent?"
"Sounds like a cool guy. What's his name?"
"Howard Stein."
"Oh God." He tossed his head back and cackled. "Imagine saying that name during sex."
"Oh, fuck me harder, Howard!" she moaned loudly, and they dissolved into laughter.
Only an hour ago it was pitch dark, but now the mist was visible, luminous. Harry knew it was time for him to go. They climbed over the fence and headed back to his car parked on her driveway. They kissed goodbye and held each other for a bit longer to make up for the lost time. He didn't forget to give her the nude Christian Louboutin pumps he'd bought in Paris. She could say she hated them but the glow in her eyes gave herself away. He was more than satisfied with that reaction.
With one last goodbye and a kiss on the cheek, he got in his car and drove away. As exciting as the journey last night had been, the one from his hometown back to London was almost depressing. The sky was cloudy and grey, probably sympathizing with what he was feeling right now. Tall buildings emerged from the mist as the city became closer. It didn't take too long for him to arrive at the airport.
Paris welcomed him back with sunlight and a clear sky, but also a crowd of fans and paparazzi waiting outside his hotel. He stopped to give a few photographs and took some photos with fans, trying his best to ignore rude questions shouted at him, such as "where did you spend the night?" and "were you with your new girlfriend?" and even worse, "did you stay with Ruby last night?"
He turned a deaf ear to them all and said goodbye to the ones who actually loved him. It was almost noon when he got to his room and shrugged off his jacket. He collapsed on the bed, arms and legs spread, thoroughly whacked out, but he couldn't fall asleep without texting Bambi.
⌲ Just got back to the hotel.
⌲ Bambi: Get some rest. You have to be on set in the afternoon, right?
⌲ Right. Fuck me.
⌲ Bambi: Later.
⌲ Gosh, you're dirty.
⌲ That's my girl.
Harry's smile slipped when an Instagram notification popped up on the top of his screen. He quickly tapped on it to open Isaac's latest post, which was a beautiful photo of the silvery skyline at dawn, probably taken that same morning. The caption said "Holmes Chapel", and both Y/N and Celine had liked the photo.
#my girl series#harry styles fanfic#harry styles fanfics#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfictions#harry styles imagine#harry styles imagines#harry styles writing#harry styles series#harry styles angst#harry styles fluff#older!harry#actor!harry
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As requested, here is the latest portion of our established relationship fic rec list. This list contains several sequels, which would require you to read the first fic where the relationship isn’t established yet first, but there are also plenty of other fics here that you can read as standalones.
And if you missed them, you can find part one here and part two here of our establish relationship rec lists here. Happy reading!
1) Blue Eyes, Black Jeans, Lighters, Candy | Explicit | 3629 words
Harry is in Madrid and Louis had a hard week.
2) Til You Get What You Want | Explicit | 5119 words
Sometimes Harry is still too big for Louis to take. He wants him anyway.
3) At The End Of My Rope | Mature | 5608 words
The one where they go to Crete and Harry is definitely hiding something.
4) Just Stop Your Crying (It’s a Sign of the Times) | Explicit | 5864 words
My own imagining of the inspiration for Sign of the Times. Featuring boys in love, even after all this time.
5) I’m Addicted To You | Explicit | 6167 words | Sequel
They don't get to do what Louis wants until a couple of weeks later, after being knee-deep in work and trying to cover everything that has to do with the topic. They agree on everything Louis would like to experiment with, and Harry agrees mostly on everything. It's not extreme per say, but not having to touch Louis during it, it feels a little too extreme for Harry nonetheless.
At first, he had complained about not wanting to do it because to him it felt that the most important thing of their sex life is when they get to touch each other and transmit each electric, thunder-like feeling they perceive in moments like that. Louis, on the other hand, had pouted, exclaiming that sometimes one had to step out of their comfort zone to experience new things. He had promised that in the first moment Harry would feel uncomfortable or lost in what they were doing he would immediately stop.
6) Snow Sweet | Mature | 7111 words
Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.
Christmas On Stylish Apples Orchard, A Slice/Bite of Life.
7) Shackles (I Just Want to Praise You) | Explicit | 7562 words
“I’ll take care of you, Louis,” Harry says. “If that’s what you want.”
Louis almost wants to laugh. Here they are, sitting on the floor in the middle of a shitty film set, dozens of people milling around less than a hundred feet away from them. Louis can hear the director ordering the other production assistants around as the other extras chat nervously amongst themselves. Louis’ fingertips are nearly numb from his arms being stuck in the same position for ages, and yet this is the best he has felt in ages.
“Yeah, I want that,” he breathes. “Want you to take care of me.”
8) Here In The Dark Is Where New Worlds Are Born | Explicit | 7573 words
Harry is a demon and Louis is his eternal mate.
9) Raised on Rhythm and Blues | Explicit | 8034 words
Note: This fic has mentions of BH.
“That look on your face makes me think you’re not cooking me spaghetti fast enough,” Louis announces as he walks back into the kitchen. Harry knows exactly where Zoe gets her habits from.
“Cooking for my two beautiful and insanely intelligent children, not for the weird bloke that sleeps in my bed and eats all my food,” Harry answers, tilting his head and wondering if he should add more sauce.
10) Keep These Memories For Ourselves | Explicit | 9593 words
Harry's a professional photographer and he can never keep his mind off of different ways he can take pictures of Louis. Louis can be a bit camera shy, but Harry finds a way to build up his confidence and get him to relax in front of the lens. Louis discovers just how much the camera loves him.
11) Tattooed Heart | Explicit | 10035 words
Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.
“Is that fucking real?”
Harry grins. “Feel for yourself.”
A curious hand comes to trace over Harry’s chest, sighing in awe. “Harry.”
He watches him as he does it and wishes he had a camera on him, because the sight of Louis’ dainty hand caressing the beautiful L written in intricate cursive right over Harry’s heart has to be the single greatest thing he’s ever seen.
“Like it?” he asks.
“Harry,” Louis repeats, suddenly digging his thumb into the skin as if it was going to disappear at any second—it wasn’t, something Harry’s tattoo artist made sure of. “That’s—that’s permanent.”
“You’re permanent,” Harry replies, simple as can be.
12) The Sweat On Your Skin | Explicit | 11014 words
Louis is certain there's no better way to come down from a post-gym high than a naked romp in the bed with his favorite workout partner.
13) Easily | Explicit | 13588 words
Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.
Years later, Harry and Louis are as strong as ever and more than ready to take the next step in the story of their lives. It gets a little weird, a little confusing, but at the end of the day, it is as easy as can be.
14) Gay Happy Meetings (When Friends Come To Call) | Mature | 13951 words
Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.
"Happy Christmas Eve, BooBear!"
Louis jolted awake to find Niall inches away from his face.
Louis rubbed his groggy eyes and looked around the room. He verified that, yes, he was in fact in Harry's bedroom, where he had been sleeping ninety percent of the time over the past three weeks. So why the fuck was Niall in here?
"I don't understand," Louis grumbled.
Niall shrugged. "It woke you up, didn't it?"
"There are other methods of waking someone up, Niall," Harry said as he walked into the room carrying a tray of food. It smelled like pancakes.
Louis gave a grateful smile and sat up, Harry gently placing the tray of food down in front of Louis. His alpha was the best.
15) The Seed Inside You, Baby, Do You Feel It Growin’ | Explicit | 14796 words
Louis really wants Harry to get him pregnant.
16) Monsters At Home | Explicit | 21566 words
High School!AU. Everyone's eyes are on Harry, the beautiful, charming new student. Harry's only got eyes for the school golden boy: football captain Louis Tomlinson, whose homophobic father complicates matters a bit.
17) Like A Bastard On The Burning Sea | Not Rated | 22181 words
AU: Harry breaks Louis, Louis breaks everything.
18) The Dream That You Wish | Explicit | 23929 words
Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.
FBI Special Agent Harry Styles struggles with a case that involves him at a personal level. Louis adjusts to his new life and continues his on-going struggle with his psychic abilities and what they entail.
19) The Pink Album | Not Rated | 31039 words
A love seven years in the making, inspired by Harry's debut album.
20) Eventide Intrigue | Explicit | 40275 words
Perrie casually asks to paint Louis' nails one night when she, Louis, Harry, and Zayn are all hanging out together. Louis is unsure about but finds himself going along with it.
Louis soon realizes he really loves the way the nail polish looks on him. It makes him feel pretty and delicate. He can't stop running his thumbs over the smooth glossy surface of his nails.
But these feeling don't come without a flood of insecurity and anxiety. Harry of course is as supportive as ever, but Louis soon finds himself needing more.
21) Wouldn’t Ever Want Anybody Else | Explicit | 40555 words
Note: The sequel to this fic is #25 on this list.
Louis and Harry’s relationship has fairly recently turned sexual, and Louis’ bodily insecurities get in the way of something that he really wants. Meanwhile, Zayn and Liam deal with coming out as a couple to the band.
22) Show Me Life Like I've Never Seen | Mature | 42953 words
Louis never expected to leave the small art studio three blocks down from his job with anything besides the painting he caught a glimpse of and simply couldn't forget.
23) Into The Midnight Sun | Explicit | 63253 words
It's 1983, Harry embarks on his first world tour and Louis is a budding actor in LA. Life spent apart isn't easily adjustable, but somehow they make it work.
24) I Only Ever Want You | Explicit | 180079 words
Note: This fic is the second part in a series. The first fic in the series is #23 on this list.
Louis and Harry's relationship goes through a series of changes while Liam and Zayn discover new things about themselves, as well.
Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.
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My Top 40 Movies of the Decade
***just my opinion***this list is not set in stone either***
1. 12 Years A Slave (2013)
What Steve McQueen has managed to do with this movie in nothing short of the best thing art is capable of. He takes the horror of humanity and turns it into a heart shattering tale of the best of humanity. A film that could have sunk easily among the brutality it contains, instead soars with Solomon’s survival. It is one of the most life-affirming, uplifting works of art I’ve ever seen. It makes you cry, it makes you shout, it makes you cheer, it makes you breathless. In short, all the things movies are best at. Not just a definitive movie, but a definitive work of art.
2. The Act of Killing (2012)
This has my vote for the best documentary film of all time. What begins as a transfixing profile of the mass murders responsible for the 1965 Indonesian genocide quickly transforms into a Brechtian nightmare as director Joshua Oppenheimer somehow convinces these men to stage scenes for a fake movie reenacting their crimes. As the film progresses you can hardly believe what you’re witnessing. Horrifying, yet you can’t look away. Oppenheimer holds your attention for every second. What’s captured for film here is truly unique, ground-breaking, soul shaking. A statement about the banality of evil as profound as Ardent’s essays.
3. The Tree of Life (2011)
Malick has reached his final form here. An organic art form, pure cinema, visual poetry, whatever you want to call it. Nothing but a movie could be this. The images he crafts here are as close to a religious experience as I’ve ever had watching a movie, and probably ever will. In exploring childhood memories, Malick’s style perfectly matches his subject manner. He use of ellipsis and fluidity mirrors the way memories flash through our heads. It is as if we are witnessing memory directly, unfiltered. This movie will move you in ways you didn’t know a movie could.
4. The Social Network (2010)
That Facebook movie? Hell yeah that facebook movie. What Fincher and Sorkin have managed to do is take what could be a standard biopic, or dull tech movie, and made it into an epic tale of betrayal, greed, friendship, coming of age, and identity. Ross and Reznor’s score pulses, as does the dialogue. This movie starts the instant you press play and it doesn’t let you catch your breath for one second until the very end. Endlessly quotable, perfected acted. A masterclass.
5. The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)
What can I say about this movie? Every shot is perfect. Every joke, beat, pan, zoom. Well, I guess I’ll say this. This movie disarms with its charm, its facade. But at its heart is a wrenching tale of loss, nostalgia, and the fleeting nature of everything, especially those we love. A jewel of a film. Anderson makes sure you’re cozy and then pulls the rug out from under you, and suddenly you’re crying.
6. The Master (2012)
Career best performances from Joaquin Phoenix and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Lushly shot. Greenwood delivers another ground breaking score. PTA has made an aimless film about aimless characters that nevertheless is riveting. At the end, you may not know exactly how far you’ve progressed, but you’re sure glad you went on the journey.
7. Drive (2011)
This is not an action movie. It’s a love story. The now famous dream pop soundtrack. Ryan Gosling doing so much with so little. Refn’s breathtaking cinematography. Diluted dreams. Crushed hopes. Silent gazes, filled with more emotion than dialogue could ever render.
8. The Revenant (2015)
An achievement of pure cinematic insanity. I still have no idea how they got some of these shots. A brutal, thrilling story of survival among nature’s cruelty. Inarritu’s camera is like magic in this film, uncovering the previously thought not possible.
9. La La Land (2016)
A reinvention of a genre that somehow manages to have its cake and eat it too: a nostalgia trip that also subverts expectations. Right up there next to Singin’ in the Rain, in my book at least. How on earth was that only Chazelle’s second ever movie?
10. The Lighthouse (2019)
TELL ME YE FOND O ME LOBSTER! WHYD YA SPILL YOUR BEANS? IF I HAD A STEAK ID FUCK IT. That about sums it up.
11. Parasite (2019)
Bong Joon Ho has made a beautifully twisted psychological thriller that is also hilarious, touching, and a lasting commentary on class and social mobility.
12. The Florida Project (2017)
Baker’s approach of setting this story from the viewpoint of children makes it a glorious romp through a world of innocence as well as tragedy, and also makes it all the more emotionally impactful.
13. Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)
It’s all about the cat. Alongside the Coen’s mastery of dialogue and the side character, as well as the beautiful folk music, this film acts as a deeply moving portrayal of depression, and how sometimes we are our own worst enemy.
14. Moonlight (2016)
Expertly crafted. Expertly acted. Expertly shot. A gorgeously rendered coming of age story. I’m not really the person who should speak of its importance. I’ll just say: it is. Very. A movie that will stun you.
15. Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
Practical! Effects! Yeah, that really is Tom Hardy swinging fifty feet off the ground on a pole as explosions go off behind him. A feminist, post-apocalypse, road trip movie brought to you by the director of Happy Feet and Babe 2. What more could you want?
16. Moonrise Kingdom (2012)
A wonderful celebration of childhood and of fantasy. Anderson crafts a world you want to return to again and again. Anyone else get jump scared when they realized Lucas Hedges was in this???
17. Arrival (2016)
I love Denis Villeneuve’s films for so many reasons. The most important I think is that he balances entertainment and artistic depth so well. Like all great scifi Arrival is not really about aliens, it’s about us.
18. Inception (2010)
A film that runs on all cyclinders. Smart, funny, jaw dropping, just plain fun. Nolan manages to build some surprisingly moving moments as well.
19. Gone Girl (2014)
Ah Fincher and his twists. Rosemund Pike at the top of her game. Ross and Reznor return with another gripping score. Around the narrative, Fincher creates a fascinating portrayal of the media and marriage, one with endless twists and turns. You never quite know where it’s headed.
20. Sicario (2015)
A second thing I love about Dennis Villeneuve: he does point of view characters better than anyone else.
21. Enemy (2014)
A third thing I love about Dennis Villeneuve: he plays with genre and narrative structure unlike anyone else working right now.
22. Incendies (2010)
A fourth thing I love about Denis Villeneuve: he’s given us some of the best female lead characters this decade.
23. Blade Runner 2049 (2017)
A fifth thing I love about Denis Villeneuve: he somehow managed make a Blade Runner sequel work. Here’s hoping for Dune.
24. The Look of Silence (2014)
The companion film of The Act of Killing. Oppenheimer does it again, this time focusing more on the victims of the genocide. Groundbreaking cinema.
25. Shame (2011)
Slow clap for Michael Fassbender. Slow clap for Carey Mulligan. Slow clap for Steven Mcqueen.
26. Hereditary (2018)
Using horror to examine mental illness and family trauma. Aster has made a new classic of genre, taking it to new heights.
27. Under The Skin (2014)
How to make a movie about an alien descended onto earth in order to capture men and engulf them in her weird black room of goo? Make a very alienation movie. Chilling. Otherworldly. Haunting.
28. Son of Saul (2015)
In making any holocaust film there’s always the risk of feeling exploitative. Nemes’s radical camera work, focusing almost entirely on the main character’s face in close up leaves this concern in the dust. The horrors enter only at the corners of the frame, while humanity is firmly centered the whole time. An important film everyone should see.
29. Whiplash (2014)
As visceral and heart pounding as the solos performed, the film as a whole is a perfectly made portrait of a obsession.
30. Amour (2012)
Haneke takes his unforgiving approach and lays bare a topic with incredible emotional depth. The result is deeply moving without ever being sentimental. I’m hard pressed to find another film about old age that is this poignant.
31. Birdman (2014)
A whirlwind of a film. A high wire act. The long takes turn it into something more akin to a play. A pretty damn good one at that.
32. Once Upon A Time In Anatolia (2011)
What’s Chekhov doing in the 21st Century? He’s in Turkey. He name is Nuri Ceylan.
33. The Favourite (2018)
Lanthimos turns down his style and turns up his humor. The result is the best of both worlds: a dark, twisted tale of power and a hilarious parody of monarchy and British costume drama.
34. Phantom Thread (2018)
PTA delivers again. What could easily have been another tired tale of the obsessive artist and the woman behind him is instead a fairy tale-ish ensnaring of two people’s ineffable pull towards each other.
35. A Hidden Life (2019)
Still fresh in my mind. Malick’s late style is given the backbone it needed in the form of a relevant tale of resistance and struggle. A meditative, prayer-like film about the power of belief.
36. Prisoners (2013)
A sixth thing I love about Denis Villeneuve: his movies have layers, but only if you look. Otherwise, the ride is pretty great as well.
37. Manchester By The Sea (2016)
A masterclass in doing less with more.
38. Foxcatcher (2014)
Bennett Miller does biopics unlike anyone else. That is to say, maybe better than anyone else working today.
39. The Witch (2015)
Eggers’s first foray into historical New England horror. A chilling commentary on the evils of puritanism.
40. The Kid With A Bike (2011)
The Dardenne brothers managed to make a gut-wrenching tale of childhood, masculinity, abandonment, the power of empathy, belonging, and redemption in 84 minutes. Here’s a suggestion. Watch this movie. Then watch it again. A better use of the same amount of time it takes to sit through The Irishman. Oh wait, no you still have 30 minutes left over.
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Halloween 2019 Run-Down
Well, Halloween is well and truly over. It’s been a few years since we managed the one-a-day challenge, managing just 17 films this year, with a personal best of 33. The goal was quality over quality - let’s see how that goes...
1. The Invisible Man (1933)
Dir. James Whale
It is unreal how well this film holds up at 86 years old. Me and my girlfriend both enjoyed this film, and it’s down to James Whales undeniable craft and Claude Rain’s endlessly entertaining performance.
2. Friday the 13th (2009)
Dir. Marcus Nispel
I fell in to the same trap as I did with the Conan remake by being convinced, by a documentary on the franchise, that this would be worth my time. It’s not terrible but not nearly good enough to rival the charm the original series has just by virtue of being 80s crap rather than 2000s crap.
3. Dawn of the Dead (1978)
Dir. George A. Romero
I hadn’t realised how long it had been since I watched this. Maybe it was zombie-fatigue, or maybe that I usually throw on Night of the Living Dead this time of year. DotD is just a brilliantly crafted film, and I feel like I fully appreciated the commentary on consumerism this time around, rather than just knowing that was what the film was “about”.
4. Scream 2 (1997)
Dir. Wes Craven
This was not nearly as good as I remember. My entire memory of this was the discussion of sequel tropes, and I think that brief moment of doing the thing Scream did was about all I enjoyed from it. While the original is as solid as ever in my opinon, even Buffy wasn’t enough to save this for me.
5. The Child (1977)
Robert Voskanian
A random purchase, this film was a gem of a find. Its low-budget 70s aesthetic really added to the atmosphere of this oddball movie and made some sequences especially creepy, tappinh into a truly nightmarish vibe so seldom found in cinema. Fans of Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things should make efforts to track this one down.
6. Candyman (1992)
Dir. Bernard Rose
Quickly realising this wasn’t standard slasher fare, the opening had me very excited for this film. However, it went on to do relatively little for me. I won’t deny it had some unsettling moments, I just felt it wasn’t holding together as satisfyingly as I wanted it to. Whilst I feel I should give this another chance, I doubt I will soon.
7. It (1990)
Dir. Tommy Lee Wallace
I’d never seen an It film. I found myself loving the original for its character work - rare in a horror film - and disturbing concept. For some reason the thought of being haunted by something your whole life really creeps me out. Despite its age and budget, the dual storyline and efforts taken to portray the personal impact of the horror in this film go a long way to make this very effective. Very chilling, very good.
8. The People Under the Stairs (1991)
Dir. Wes Craven
There are good things about this film but it suffers from very weak cinematography (like many 90s horror films) and the fact that satire in horror has been much more interesting and sophistacted in years previous to and since the making of this film.
9. Phantasm (1979)
Dir. Don Coscarelli
I was well aware I needed to revisit this often over-looked franchise which I have always championed. Way back when, I began with the sequel, which bowled me over, and then watched the original. My memories was that the 1979 film was a purer horror film with a very singular tone. Watching it again, it wasn’t the perfect nightmare I’d remembered but is still a must-see for its original aesthetic, unique storyline and chilling moments.
10. Hocus Pocus (1993)
Dir. Kenny Ortega
Despite being a recent addition to the roster, it wouldn’t be Halloween without Sarah Jessica Parker’s cleav- I mean... without Hocus Pocus.
11. Halloween (2018)
Dir. David Gordon Green
Originally wowed by this lovingly crafted follow up to the original Halloween I was concerned that a second viewing might bring me down without the benefit of my initial low expectations. Not so! The characters make this film, and the care taken to blend the old and the new is palpable. I still love this film and believe it’s about as a good as a Halloween sequel could be.
12. Phantasm II (1988)
Dir. Don Coscarelli
While Phantasm (1979), if not disappointing, wasn’t all I’d hoped for revisiting it Phantasm II was just as glorious as I remember. Gory, dreamy and mad as a box of frogs, I can’t recommend this enough and I maintain it works well having not seen the original (like my first time) as it only accentuates its nightmare-like rythm, wooziness and insanity.
13. The Ghost of Frankenstein (1942)
Dir. Erle C. Kenton
I knew this wasn’t going to live up the previous three but you can’t be a bit of Frankenstein for October, and Universal Monsters always hit the spot. What this film lacked in directorial tightness - Boris Karloff - it made up for with bombastic set pieces, wacky plot points and the return of a brilliant peformances by Lugosi as Igor.
14. Suspiria (1977)
Dir. Dario Argento
My thoughts on this film have changed a lot over the years. Initially, upon recommendations from people such as Mark Kermode, I adored it on first viewing, yet recent watches have left me thinking it no longer really did it for me. Viewing it on the big screen (for the second time), stepping in on a chance passing by the Prince Charles Cinema, I’ve come full circle to thinking it is (aside from visually beautiful) pretty perfect as a disturbing, hysterical, dream-like (original opinon, I know) fairytale for adults.
16. Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (1998)
Dir. Jim Strenson
Whilst inevitably not as good as I remembered from my childhood, revisiting this was a perfectly seasonal treat and in spite of some ridiculousness its combination of hijinks and genuinely creepy moments definitely peg this as one of, if not the best of the Scooby Doo feature films.
17. Halloween (1978)
Dir. John Carpenter
I don’t fully understand why, but Halloween is a film I’ve changed my mind on massively over the years. Maybe it’s because I saw it, for the first time, long after all the other John Carpenter films I’d watched and loved, or maybe because so many films borrowed its formula that the impact of the original was diluted but those first few viewings left me lukewarm on the film. Yet over the years I have appreciated this film more and more, now to the point where - after this year’s Blu-Ray viewing - I think it’s pretty fucking perfect, remarkably atmospheric and actually very scary.
#halloween#halloween 1978#halloween 2018#phantasm#scream#dawn of the dead#zombie#horror#scooby doo#it#wes craven#john carpenter#hocus pocus#frankenstein#candyman
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3, 24, 19 - Radiohead’s Top 20 best songs. (Response to Red Bull sorta)
Google had suggested me Red Bull’s “Top 20 Radiohead Tracks” list via my news feed this morning. I’ve seen a few of these types of lists throughout the years, but this one in particular stood out to me with its more well rounded and considerate approach to their overlooked material. But still, as is often the case, I could not bring myself to agreeing with it overall. (Is giving regards to their mainstream successes really worth the focus of these writers if it keeps bringing “Creep” into the equation? I’m sorry, but despit its legacy, it hasn’t aged well.)
Admittedly, Radiohead has been my personal favorite band since ‘09. I simply have not heard a single better band since my friend Louis showed me “Pyramid Song” off of his 4th gen. iPod Nano that summer. (I’ve before hand become aware of Radiohead’s exsistence from my parents copy of the Grammy Nominees 2001 comp. with the track “Optimistic”, alongside the high probability of hearing “Creep” somewhere along those lines.) I’d say my knowledge of their catalogue at this point is deep enough to take an honest swing at a list of this magnitude, and give some sort of justice to the truly artistic sides of their discography. Either that, or I’ll wind up sounding pretentious in reality. My follower count is currently too low for me to care either way.
(Don’t expect a novel for all of these notes. It’s getting late and I work tomorrow, plus this list is subject to change either by tomorrow morning or directly after I post the list. I may redux this type of list in the future with further explanations, but for now, here’s this.)
20. “Staircase”
An often criminally underrated TKOL b-side. The grooves are insanely addictive and the mystical aura of this track makes it unique and singular amungst their other more danceable cuts.
19. “Jigsaw Falling into Place”
A well loved IR track for good reasons. It captures the band in a rare state of disenchanted romantic story tellings, alongside of the extraordinary guitar work.
18. “Morning Bell/Amnesiac”
It’s the better version. Get over yourself.
17. “Daydreaming”
A stunningly beautiful reminder of the band’s delicate side late into their career. One of their most transportive pieces to date.
16. “Sit Down. Stand Up.”
Why are all the discussions I see for this song only on the misheard lyrics from the climax? This track is a grand testimate to the group’s capabilities of being able to control suspense and give incredible payoffs in return for the listeners patience.
15. “The Tourist”
More than just a sad ending tear jerker, this song flexes its perfect balance of having some of Thom’s best singing performances with outstanding moments of clarity from Ed and Johnny’s roaring guitars.
14. “How to Disappear Completely”
Their one track that always manages to make me either very emotional or can drive me to tears with each listen. Oh the memories of young sadness.
13. “House of Cards”
Gorgeously soft and loving sounds from a previously thought “only sad songs” band. A hypnotizing and mature take on everyday couple interactions.
12. “Scatterbrain”
I never see enough love for this tune. Some of Thom’s best lyricism coupled with playful, yet loomingly sad guitar melodies just always manages to send me elsewhere for its short runtime.
11. “Lucky”
A truly massive track with epic heights and desperately hopeful lows; again, well loved for a reason.
10. “Go Slowly”
Another overlooked classic b-side. This is honestly one the groups greatest acoustic ballads, with a gripping set up leading up to a momentous climax of subtle beauty.
9. “Sail to the Moon”
Human beings wrote this? For real? (This tracks gravity is only best explained through listening to it, so go do that.)
8. “You and Whose Army?”
An incredible achievement in using the most out of a short runtime. A calm yet menacing first half explodes into a total overthrow, with a masterful combination of Thom’s larger-than-life chords he pounds away at on his grand piano, with Johnny’s wall of sound lead guitar.
7. “Bloom”
Holy hell, this track still fucks my head up with its compositional ambitions and planet sized lead vocals. Again, this track’s full power can really only be grasped by hearing it. Go on then.
6. “Reckoner”
An early favorite of mine that still holds its magic to this day. I don’t know of any other band that could possibly create something so light, yet so emotionally heavy. Only a group with this amount of inter connected talents could produce a masterpiece like this one.
5. “Life in a Glasshouse”
People who say “Radiohead attempting jazz at the end of Amnesiac was cringe” are the kind of people who would unironically enjoy some Billie Eilish on the way back home after their yoga class. While this may not inherently be a bad thing, it IS something I don’t fuck with normally.
4. “Knives Out”
These top 4 tracks are interchangeable on most days, but to list it in stone (for now, at least,) this golden egg falls in fourth. The fact that this track never fell into their greatest hits conversations baffles me. The multiple melodies here played over one another on 3 different guitars is some of the best music I’ve ever heard. This one really helps to prove the never ending genius of this band.
3. “Down Is the New Up”
“Why the fuck was this b-side not on In Rainbows?” is, what I’d like to imagine, the question I’d ask any of the 5 band members if I ever have the opportunity to do so. The energy this track brings is so infectious that I nearly crash my car everytime it comes on, and that kind of shit should be illegal to release to the public.
2. “Pyramid Song”
This track’s always near the tops of these sort of lists for a reason. The chord structures, Thom’s incredible singing range, Johnny’s string sections on the final half and Phil’s fucking incredible intro halfway through the song are simply incomprehensible. Again, human beings wrote this??
1. “Cuttooth”
Fuck yes.
#radiohead#in rainbows#indie rock#alternative rock#amnesiac#thom yorke#music#list#Red Bull#art rock#hail to the theif#musicordie
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