#and hey. if you feel this way about me? nbd

[doom-dreaming]

muttering "i will not gatekeep or complain, i will just block and move on" like a mantra to myself at least 5 times a day

#fandom is always so. interesting. huh #the communities within are many and vast and overlap in perplexing ways #and hey. if you feel this way about me? nbd #sometimes the vibe is just off #everyone's allowed to do fandom in whatever way is fun to them #but it's like. we can both be hanging out at the pool doing our own thing #and i'm on a chair reading a book and getting some sun #and you're in the pool swimming. i don't necessarily wanna be splashed #i'm not gonna tell you to stop swimming #but i might move to a different spot #idk how well this metaphor is working #i've been sleeping like shit lately so i may be a little more uncharitable than usual

[just-j-really]

While I'm on the subject of Dreamling-does-tropes-wrong:

Hanahaki au where Hob's the one with hanahaki. Because I think however you set it up Hob refuses to play by the rules of the genre and the potential there is like catnip to me.

"The cure is confessing your love" variant? Hob's just like "Well fuck this actually" and tells Dream he loves him the moment he starts coughing up flowers. And there's so much potential there!

-Poor Hob tries to confess to Dream every time they interact and something keeps getting in his way- he falls in love in 1689, in 1789 they get interrupted, in 1889 he gets halfway through a confession and Dream YOU DAREs him, in 1989 he gets stood up. In 2022 Dream shows up at his table in the New Inn and Hob just blurts out "I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU" before Dream has the chance to actually say anything.

-Modern day, post-reunion, Dream doesn't want to intrude on Hob's life but he does want to see him more so he decides to go for the totally rational move of using his Dream-powers to spy on Hob- which means he gets a front-row seat to Hob slowly succumbing to hanahaki the second their meeting ends. All of Hob's friends/coworkers/acquaintances are REAL worried for him, but he's just like "it's seriously nbd I'll just tell him next time I see him." Dream is also REAL worried while spying from afar, but eventually goes to Hob in person to beg him to confess to whoever he's in love with. (Could be very serious and emotional, could play like that one "just tell them you love them" "alright. hey, I love you." "yes, like that!" meme.)

-Hob blurts out a love confession at... literally any of their canonical meetings, and the rest of the fic is dealing with the fallout. I think the simplest way to do this is 1889, with the confession standing in for "I think you're lonely." I think the most interesting way to do this is 1489, because so much would change. I think the FUNNIEST way to do this is 1589, yes Hob is still married.

But then you can also do the "the cure is having your love requited" variant, where Hob suffers through several centuries with an incurable lung disease. One of his most treasured dreams is that someone will come up with a cure (but for Plot reasons it keeps just not happening, like someone does come up with a cure but the side effects just aren't worth it if you can technically survive having flowers in your lungs. And/or he's never found a doctor he trusted not to freak out if he died and came back on the operating table).

And then you've got options such as:

-Dream falls in love in 1689, and either they start up a relationship right then, or they spend several centuries where Hob thinks they're in a relationship (his feelings were returned, of course they are!) and Dream thinks he's pining hopelessly for Hob, who could never love him

-Dream Does Not realize that Hob is in love with him (and in fact thinks Hob just keeps getting hanahaki, over and over, for different people, and wonders why Death saddled him with the world's Messiest human). And then he falls in love with Hob.

-Dream DOES realize Hob is in love with him. Unfortunately, he falls in love with Hob (or more realizes that what he was feeling WAS love) while fishbowled. Fortunately, Hob notices the lack of flowers, gets worried about what that means (because if his Stranger returns his feelings then why isn't he here? the flowers can't be gone because he's dead, Hob refuses to believe it). Cue a fishbowl rescue!

-Dream falls in love with Hob post-fishbowl, but is in denial about his ow feelings and assumes Hob found a workable cure sometime while he was fishbowled, or got over him. He's VERY SAD about this and can't figure out why. Hob is busy googling 'how to ask out a guy who i empirically know likes me back but only looks at me mournfully when i try to flirt'

Like I want to write this fic so bad but there are so many directions i want to go with it...

#dreamling #my fic #hanahaki au

[tathrin]

If Finrod is Legolas's other dad, explain Lorien.

Reference is to this post, and also I'm tagging @z-h-i-e because this is their ship-baby, I just popped in to sprinkle some additional inspiration because my brain went "ooh hey!" when their post crossed my dash because that's the kind of supportive community fandom is supposed to be made of fyi.

Right, so. There's no sense of tone in straight-text communication on the internet, so I know that it's entirely possible that this ask was sent in the spirit of giggling-with-popcorn delight while you eagerly await the resulting explanation. It's equally possible that you're playing at being The Ship Police and challenging me in the expectation that I won't be able to make this Just For Funsies ship sail without floundering on the rocks of canon.

Either way: buckle up. Because the boats of Lórien don't sink.

Because when Legolas gets to the woods of Lothlórien with the rest of the Fellowship, he's delighted. He's never actually been here before! He's heard all the stories, and listened avidly, but. well. Thranduil and Galadriel both blame the other a little bit for the nasty way Finrod died (they know it's not the other's fault so they don't say anything, either to each other or anyone else but, well. it feels like it ought to be the other one's fault, somehow).

And there's all that tension re: Doriath still, and why Galadriel couldn't just pick-up where Melian her teacher left off and maintain the Girdle afterwards—because I'm not a maia, Thranduil, you ass! Oh, so you couldn't even TRY?—especially because she then proceeds to do basically that for Lórien just a few thousand years later...and of course Galadriel thinks it's Oropher's fault that so many of Lothlórien's elves died in the Last Alliance, because if only he hadn't been so reckless and pig-headed then surely Amdír would never have thought up that idiotic suicidal charge on his own...and if she'd maybe tried a little harder to rein-in the son/nephew of the Kinslayers, maybe Sauron would never have even made the Rings, and Mirkwood would still be Greenwood, which you'll note she can't be arsed to extend her convenient semi-girdle to either...and if he wasn't so damn prideful maybe somebody could help his precious stupid spider-forest...etc etc.

They aren't like. enemies. but they don't really get along anymore, either. They don't talk. (There's a reason the elves of Green/Mirkwood were moving north even before Sauron took up housekeeping in Dol Guldur.) So even though Lothlórien is like maybe a week's walk away, Legolas hasn't actually been here before. And he is stoked! Because he's always wanted to visit, but he didn't want to hurt his remaining dad's feelings by being like "bye, gonna go visit my aunt whom you haven't spoken to in like three thousand years, nbd!" so he never did — but here they are now, and it's part of the Quest, so it's not like Legolas just popped in for a visit, is it? He's doing something that just happened to bring him here, so Thranduil can't take it personally, and...well, here he is! At last! This is awesome! He's so excited to see his aunt's fabled forest!

And then they want to blindfold him!? He's FINALLY in Lórien, and he's not even allowed to look at the place!? This is his aunt's forest, for fuck's sake — he is an elf and a kinsman here, dammit! No wonder he goes from zero-to-sixty re: "golly Gimli don't be so stubborn" => "hOw dARe yOu!?!?!?" when the blindfold is suggested. He's not just pissed, he's taking it personally. Because he's family.

Okay so far so good, but when the Fellowship comes before Celeborn and Galadriel why doesn't anyone say anything about Legolas literally being their nephew, one might ask? Ah! Well, that's because we have Hobbits for our narrators, and they simply don't know elvish family trees well enough to catch that detail. Which is why when Celeborn says "Welcome son of Thranduil! Too seldom do my kindred journey hither from the North," it's perhaps a little more pointed of a statement than the Hobbits know. Celeborn is saying long time no see nephew, how nice of you to visit FINALLY. But Legolas and Thranduil have called themselves "Wood-elves" since moving to Greenwood, so the fact that he's actually half-Noldor just never gets mentioned, because it's not like it's relevant, is it? He doesn't mention being half-Sindar either. He calls himself a Wood-elf because he is a Wood-elf...by adoption. So why would the Hobbits even think to ask?

And we know that Galadriel uses ósanwë on everybody, so why wouldn't she be using it with her own nephew? What better way to have a private family chat, after all? And she doesn't say anything aloud to anyone while Celeborn is greeting everybody else, and it's not like Galadriel really needs to listen to the "hellos" either; perhaps she and Legolas have a little mental confab just the two of them while everybody else is settling in. You could easily write that in, if you wanted to, without breaking any of the existing canon.

After that, we actually have a perfect textural opening for Legolas to go hang with his aunt and uncle some more: while the rest of the Fellowship doesn't see Galadriel and Celeborn again until the Mirror and then their departure, the book says "Legolas was away much among the Galadhrim, and after the first night he did not sleep with the other companions, though he returned to eat and talk with them." So we know that Legolas is going off to hang-out with the Lórien elves...a.k.a. Aunt Galadriel. Probably sleeping in the guest bedroom and pestering her for embarrassing stories about his dads. And maybe asking her for tips on how to talk to dwarves without putting your foot in your mouth since she's clearly got experience.

And no, none of them went in for stuff like gushing hugs when they meet...but if they haven't spoken to one another in a few thousand years, and probably didn't spend all that much time together even before that (Galadriel and Thranduil weren't much in any of the same places after Doriath fell) then they wouldn't likely be all that cuddly with one another anyway, would they? Distant-but-fond seems like the order of the day to me, and you can definitely read their fleeting interactions in the book that way. (A kickass bow potentially strung with your own hair is a great gift for a nephew you don't know well who's about to go off into danger! I bet he could even shoot-down a Ringwraith with a bow like that!) Tense-and-awkward-but-trying-to-be-polite would work too, of course; depends on what kind of drama you want.

So yeah, actually I think it's perfectly reasonable to posit that Galadriel could potentially be Legolas's aunt; I've seen several fics that present Celeborn and Thranduil as cousins or some other close relative, and nobody gets shirty about the canocity of that kinship re: the Lórien scenes, so why wouldn't the connection be just as acceptable to come via Finrod and Galadriel instead? There's nothing in the text that I know of that says it can't be canon.

Anyway, Finrod-as-Legolas's-other-dad wasn't actually meant to be a serious "look how well canon supports this idea, it's definitely a very plausible thing that people should embrace in a wholly serious and canonical manner" theory to begin with. I was just having fun. Somebody said, "hey check out their weird rare ship, it's a lot of fun!" and my brain had a lightbulb moment and went "ooh what if you took that silly fun ship and leaned-in even harder with it, though?" and here we are.

Does a marriage between Thranduil and Finrod actually fit with all the canon of the Silm? I don't know, probably not; then again it might, simply because so much of the Silm is vague, especially when it comes to the elves of Mirkwood who barely even get mentioned once or twice. Personally I prefer having Legolas be born in Mirkwood and to be relatively young for an elf when Fellowship starts (there's no canon about that either way, I just like the vibes of it). However, this ship is a lot of fun too. In fact, I think it's already my favorite idea for an older-Legolas-with-ties-to-important-people take on the character, if that's how you want to take the character, simply because it is so much fun.

Do I think it's canon? No, of course not. But who cares? We're not writing Academic Articles on Accurate Tolkien Scholarship, we're writing fanfiction. We're having fun. So if you're a giggling-with-popcorn anon: good, awesome, glad to have you here enjoying the fun too. If you're a Ship Police Anon...well, acab and farewell because I frankly just do not have the time to give a shit about what somebody else ships or doesn't. Block the tag and move on.

#anon i grew up on x-men comics #AND the original star wars EU which fyi was an absolute clusterfuck #and spent my childhood plotting the most detailed and accurate AUs with my brother and our action figures that you can imagine #it often took an hour just to get the backstory set up so we could start playing #you think i can't make something with continuity as vague as lotr work the way i want it to? #please. i've never met a plothole i couldn't either pave-over or squirm my way around #believe you me anon: i have not yet begun to contort canon #this was easy this was nothing i could have concocted this in my sleep #my only weakness in this fight is that i simply don't KNOW silm-era canon off the top of my head #but i assure you that whatever nitpick you can present i will find a way through over or around #it's a weird and generally useless skill but i have a ridiculous knack for tap-dancing around canon #so go ahead bring it on i'm invested now let's spite-ship this all the way back to valinor XD #thranduil #finrod #legolas #thranduil x finrod #bling kings #shipping #my stuff #lotr #legolas has two daddies

[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hi Jalebi! How are you doing? I have a slightly spicy question for you, about the early post contract marriage days. I noticed that we had multiple instances of Arnav being shirtless around Khushi and he seems to be totally fine with it, like he's all self possessed and chill and acting like it's no big deal. But isn't it kind of a big deal??? Like imagine if Khushi ran into half naked Arnav at any point before marriage, even pre-marriage flirty days. It would be such a shocking and definitely sexually loaded moment. But when it happens post marriage, Arnav acts like it's nbd. Khushi definitely gets flustered and turned on (at least once) for sure, she has a rabba ve moment, then she seems to get used to it too, with time. But he's so casual about it right from the first time we see it happen on screen. Don't get me wrong, I ain't slut shaming Arnav, I love it, apart from the sensual aspect, there's also something so domestic and husbandly about Arnav being comfortable enough to be in a towel, get dressed etc in front of her etc. But for me it doesn't make sense bc at that point in the marriage Arnav is still all "I hate her" "this is a 6 month contract" "I'll never accept her as a wife" etc. So logically as per his control freak personality he should be all about Maintaining the Boundaries and Keeping Her Away lest he lose control and also so he can squash his feelings. He does that in other ways. But in this realm he's so chill and like "sure, see me undressed if you want to, idc". Which is, nice but confusing. It's a certain level of comfort that Khushi, for example, only achieves a lot later on in their marriage, when she lets herself not wear the dupatta around him in their room. Why do you think Arnav was comfortable in this aspect much earlier than her?

Hey Anon!!!!

I'm doing well, how're you doing?

It is a big deal - more like an awkward deal. Arnav is actually pretty reluctant about coming out of the bathroom shirtless. The two times he does - it's a result of force.

At first Khushi stopped water mid-bathing, and warned him she'll keep yelling if he doesn't come out of the bathroom so he barely wears his pants and gets out cause she's being annoying AF.

During their 'honeymoon' Arnav comes out of the bathroom because he realized, much later after he removed his shirt, that he didn't take his towel. Again he was hesitant to come out, but came out cause Khushi was pretending to not understand that he wanted his towel.

She was, taken aback, as she is every single time.

Also, the last time he's shirtless in front of her is when he was bathing in Lakshmi Nagar and Khushi straight up violated his boundaries. There's nothing domestic about it. Water stopped running, there's soap in his eyes. He is without any clothes. Yet, yet he trusts Khushi enough to let her hold him and guide him to a place to get washed up. I know people see domesticity here but I see it as a violation of trust.

It's not less private because he's a man. Or because other men and kids are bathing as well. He had no idea Khushi would bring him in public.

An example of Arnav being comfortable shirtless in front of Khushi would be if he worked out in front of Khushi or changed clothes in front of her - you see this after the wedding. He's dressing up before her before taking her on a movie date. During remarriage days he always wears his shirt, just wears his suit jacket and tie in front of her (which is again more in line with him being comfortable in his own house than anything tbh).

And he draws serious boundaries with Khushi. He rips off honeymoon tickets. He doesn't want her putting blanket on him when he's about to sleep. Initially he doesn't even let her sleep in the same periphery, he only does so at first out of inconvenience (when Khushi feigns to be sick), and then he can never bring himself to put her out.

So, unfortunately, there's very little that's romantic in that phase just in my opinion.

But you know when they do start getting domestic? During Gupta house when he complains to Buaji about Khushi piling all mechanical things on him. Or when he tells khushi to step aside, he'll bring the flowers. Or when he flirts with her that nose is red. In fact the whole Gupta house thing they were very very 'married'.

Much love,

Jalebi

#ask #arshi #arnav #khushi #anon #ipkknd #about arnav and khushi #elopement days #forced marriage track

[liquidstar]

Hey the same person who asked you about the community's opinion of Puck, thank you for that analysis you really did a great job, to be honest I personally do not like the attitude of Puck towards the characters around Emilia, he gives me the feeling that his personality is very cold and selfish, seems to care only about Emilia's safety in this world and do not care about others, only because of Emilia's will that he is willing to pay attention to them. If Emilia is not so kind by nature but a cruel villain, I doubt puck will fully support her to kill innocent people. And in the Web version of Arc 4, puck also mocked Rem's sacrifice is necessary to save Emilia, and even suggested that Subaru abandon Beatrice to focus on saving Emilia is the most important and right, I wonder how shocked and disappointed Emilia would be if she knew her adoptive father was like this...

YEAH REAL youre right. he really cares about only emilia, no one else. like i said literally the entire world is damned to him if shes not in it- himself included. he can be really really terrible to her close friends when shes not around, in a way that i dont think shed ever approve of. and if he ever says that kind of stuff around her, you know she'd call him out and he'd just sort of giggle and act like it was nbd.

all that being said i mean. its not like puck has no sense of guilt at all either.... i mean after all the first time they met he was crying and apologizing. i really do think puck has quite a lot going on...

[rockofeye]

Hey Houngan Alex, I left my Sosyete years ago (respectfully, and only after many attempts to work out our ethical differences as a House) and there's something I've always wondered about. Is there any kind of ceremony that needs to take place to let someone leave a Sosyete, and does that ceremony involve the po tét?

Months after I stopped coming around, I was told I needed to bring my po tét to my Mambo for a ceremony so her Lwa could formally release me. It was emphasized that she would give it back to me, and this was not punitive or a big scary deal, just a traditional formality that would let me continue as a Mambo without issue. "The right, traditional way to do things".

I was suspicious, so I reached out to a brother I trusted who'd been in the Sosyete for decades. He told me it was true, and echoed that this was totally safe, NBD, just a formality.

This was years ago and I never did it, of course. I'm sorry but absolutely nobody is touching my po tét. I was not surprised that my Mambo would suggest something like this, but I lost a tremendous amount of respect for the brother who encouraged me to do it.

I'm wondering if there's some kind of totally legit, sensible precedent to this within the tradition that isn't centered around cutting a person off from their Lwa, or removing their stability. This doesn't keep me up at night, but I trust your knowledge and it's something I've always been curious about.

Thank you for all you do for the community.

Hi,

I have not heard of this specifically and it's possible that it is something specific to that sosyete but there are some things that concern me. In my experience, this would not be common or accepted.

There is a part I find pretty troubling, about having her lwa release you. That's just something that doesn't exist, because you have your own lwa. You are not living under and serving her lwa, you are living under and serving her lwa, and she has no control over that and no right to meddle with it.

Further, when you undergo ceremony that produces a po tèt, that work is irreversible. It can't be taken away or cut off simply because you choose to no longer be a part of a sosyete. If that were so, people would be stripped of titles and initiations and that's not possible. It doesn't matter if it was a lave tèt or a kanzo, it can't be undone or removed from you. It is irreversible. There are ways it can be modified or overwritten, like if you had a lave tèt and then did a kanzo in a different sosyete or were made a hounsi kanzo or sou pwen in one sosyete and took the asson in another sosyete...but what was done can never be undone, and that is why it is so important that people discern before committing (not saying you didn't, speaking generally only).

I would also feel pretty resistant to someone I was breaking off a relationship with touching my po tèt. It is literally the seat of my soul and being, and I would question why and how someone would need to touch it as part of parting, because there is literally no work necessary. Po tèts are very rarely worked on for any reason post ceremony and really only addressed in the case of imminent death or grave illness; that is when a spiritual parent or someone they designated would do work on it.

There is no process to leave a sosyete, really. Like, if you (in general) are leaving on good terms it's good to have a discussion because issues can be addressed even if they are irresolvable but it's not necessary. I know a lot of folks who have left sosyetes; some leave after conversations, some leave after a massive falling out that is visibly messy, and some just fade away.

Part of the reason there is no process is that once the work is done, it's done. There is no control factor in a lave tèt or kanzo; your ceremony is not dependent on your relationship to a person and your relationships with your lwa are likewise not dependent on the person who did the ceremony. Is it ideal to stay in the same sosyete and learn from the same person? Yes, but ideals don't always work out. If I chose to leave my spiritual mother and sosyete I was initiated in, it would be painful but there would be nothing for her to do about my lwa and my title.

It's also something that is not that uncommon, particularly in Haiti and particularly for people who are not asogweman. It's not unusual for people to be made senp or sou pwen in one sosyete and take the asson somewhere else. I know folks who do senp or sou pwen in a family temple, but then find themselves led somewhere else. Sometimes folks might relocate geographically and it may make more sense to do their ceremonies somewhere else.

From what you describe, you already know there were issues where you were and your lack of surprise should inform you. It sounds like there is an aspect of control in this situation that just doesn't exist in reality and that sounds like an environment where growth may not be encouraged.

I hope you are feeling supported wherever you are now. Happy to speak privately with you if that would be helpful.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers Annual #16: The Day DEATH Died!

October, 1987

Fifteen Avengers battle the warriors of DEATH!

Being superheroes sometimes means you have to fight a bunch of dead dudes to save the universe. NBD. Except its a very big deal due to the aforementioned fate of the universe.

Is that fucking Norman Green Goblin Osborn in the mix? How is him being a warrior of the DEAD going to gel with him actually founding a cult in Europe those years he was assumed dead?

I’m counting the “fifteen Avengers” and for one thing, we’re definitely honorary-ing Silver Surfer and Moon Knight to get a round number, huh? BUT ALSO, Tigra is the one actual Avenger who doesn’t get on the cover. Oof, no respect.

Last time on West Coast Avengers Annual #2: the East and West Coast Avengers are having their annual baseball game when the East Coast Avengers drop dead. The West Coast Avengers go to the Collector on Silver Surfer’s advice and on the Collector’s advice chug poison. This lets them find the East Coast Avengers in Death’s domain. Then the two teams fight because the Grandmaster and the Collector told them conflicting stories.

BUT TWAS ALL A RUSE. The West Coast Avengers winning the fight... uh... well, something is going on and Grandmaster has taken Death prisoner and says the universe is his.

More explanation, please.

The two teams of Avengers don’t wait for an explanation. On Captain America’s command, they all rush forward and try to attack the Grandmaster.

Thor claims that even an Elder like the Grandmaster can’t stop them all but he effortlessly brushes them aside, explaining that he has absorbed Death’s power.

Oh. That’s not good.

What is good is that as a villain, he feels compelled to exposit what happened.

IT ALL BEGAN when Korvac murdered the Collector so he wouldn’t narc on him to the Avengers.

For all their other foibles, the Elders of the Universe are a pretty loyal lot to each other so Grandmaster set about finding a way to bring the Collector back to life. Eventually, he settled on a wager with death - the Contest of Champions.

And the Contest of Champions was such a spectacle that it gave him an idea. An awful idea. A wonderful awful idea.

Step one was to throw the Contest of Champions wager so that the Collector was brought back to life but Grandmaster’s life was forfeit.

Step two was to just hang around Death’s realm, studying her.

Um. Do dead people just get to hang around peeping on the big boss? Is that really how death and Death work in the Marvel universe?

Anyway, step three was to contact the Collector on the downlow to set up his plan.

Step four was that the Collector is the one who killed the East Coast Avengers and dunked them into Death’s realm. And when he helped the West Coast Avengers kill themselves so they could go to Death’s realm, the intentionally conflicting stories each Elder told an Avengers team guaranteed they’d fight.

And a big, exciting happening right on her front door drew Death’s attention and while she was spectating, Grandmaster seized her. Which is something he can do. Shut up, yes he can.

Anyway.

Death earned some respect back from me. Its not great that such a simple plan hoodwinked her power from her. But at least she didn’t gamble her power on a superhero slap fight.

But with his greatest game won, Grandmaster has decided he’s bored of this universe. What’s left to challenge him? Nothing, that’s what.

Grandmaster: “I belong to a race of beings which first gained sentience in the wake of the Big Bang -- the cataclysmic event which began this universe! For countless eons, I have watched the game of life played out on an infinite number of worlds! I am bored, and desire a new game! Behold the life-bombs I have created with the power of death! Scattered to the five most distant corners of the universe, they will start a massive chain reaction which will result in -- A NEW BIG BANG!! Think of it! The universe will begin over anew! We’ll have a new game of life to play -- one designed by me!”

Hey!

I don’t think the universe has five corners or corners at all!

Also, hey! That would kill literally everyone!

Captain America doesn’t like this one bit. And a straightforward assault having failed, he instead challenges Grandmaster to a game! A sporting chance!

Luckily, Grandmaster prepared such a challenge ahead of time.

Oh no, its Swordsman, Nighthawk, Skurge the Executioner, Terrax the Tamer, Hyperion, Green Goblin, Korvac, Death Adder, DRACULA, Bucky Barnes, Black Knight I, Captain Marvel I, Baron Blood, Drax the Destroyer, and Red Guardian!

Several of these people turn out to not actually be dead but that kinda thing always happens whenever someone uses a bunch of dead characters as a team to fight a superhero team.

And there’s a handwave for it later.

Anyway. The game is this.

Grandmaster will transport some Avengers (+ guests) and some of the Legion of the Unliving to the location of one of his life-bombs.

Team Avengers will try to destroy the bomb before it goes off, Team Legion will protect the bomb and try to kill the Avengers.

But Grandmaster tells Death he’s actually stacking the deck.

Grandmaster: “This should prove very interesting -- even though the Avengers are destined to lose! In the past, my fascination with skill and chance has often affected my judgement and overwhelmed my desire for victory -- but not this time! I will not allow my love for the game to interfere with my ultimate goal! I am determined to win this contest at any cost -- to seize the greatest prize of all -- THE UNIVERSE ITSELF!!”

Holding unfair games? You really are a villain, Grandmaster!

MATCH ONE: Hawkeye, Thor, and Doctor Pym VS Swordsman, Skurge the Executioner, and Nighthawk!

Hah, wow. Swordsman was Hawkeye’s teacher, Skruge was a fellow Asgardian and died for Thor, and Nighthawk is... some guy? Hank got the short end of the stick here in matchups.

Also, the Grandmaster put the first life-bomb in Hades. Literally sent these three Avengers to hell.

... Is Hades/Hell part of the universe? I mean, it would have to be since the universe is all the everything. But usually its treated like a separate dimension. But I guess you can have a lot of dimensions that all make up the 616 universe. I guess?

I also like Dead Swordsman calling the Avengers a “stupid team.” Sounds like sour grapes coming from a dead guy who once begged to join.

Nighthawk makes the first move, jetpacking at Dr Pym, yelling about what a lousy superhero he is not having powers or a costume.

Dr Pym responds by pulling a gas grenade launcher out of his pants and blasting Nighthawk with it.

The ability to pull whatever tool you need right out of hammerspace IS a cool superpower, no matter what that Nighthawk chump says.

Thor squares off to fight Skurge. But less fight and more attempt to talk with. Because Skurge recently sacrificed his life for Thor and Thor feels weird about having to fight him, even if its for the sake of the universe.

Skurge cheap shots Thor and mocks his hesitance.

Skurge: “’Tis a pity that honor paralyzes you! I have no such weakness -- no honor -- no loyalty -- nothing -- save a savage desire to crush you -- to make you pay for having caused my death!”

Meanwhile, Hawkeye fights Swordsman.

He doesn’t have a problem with the concept even though he has a personal connection to this dead man. Its just the dick keeps cutting his arrows out of the air with his sword.

(Also to note, despite She-Hulk destroying Hawkeye’s bow and quiver last issue, he has it back now. Mighty kind of the Grandmaster to replace it for him?)

As the heroes are all stymied by their opponents, the life-bomb starts glowing, getting ready to explode.

Dr Pym is pinned down by Nighthawk firing wing lasers at him. That is, lasers that come from the tips of his wing-like cape.

Pym enlarges a shield and bounces some lasers back, destroying Nighthawk’s wings but the lasers also cause a cave-in.

Dr Pym enlarges a brace (because he really does have everything) to hold up the roof but Nighthawk breaks a stalagmite and uses it to impale Hank while he’s distracted.

The collapsing roof collapses, burying both Nighthawk and Dr Pym, but Nighthawk accepts this since he’s already dead.

Oof.

Well. One hero and one opponent out of the fight.

Meanwhile, Thor realizes from Skurge being a big ol’ dick that this isn’t the Skurge that sacrificed himself for Thor.

Thor: “You are not the god I once knew! For all his faults, the Executioner was a man of honor! A warrior-born! You are only a nameless shade in his guise! A grim phantom conjured up to torment me -- and I shall suffer you no more!!”

And once Thor starts trying, he knocks out Skurge in the very same panel.

Meanwhile, Hawkeye knocks out Swordsman. Now that he has Swordsman knocking every fired out of the air, it was simple to sucker him with an arrow that electrifies when struck.

But the delay in beating their opponents, the bomb is about to go off. And neither Thor nor Hawkeye can defuse it in time. Thor fears the universe is doomed unless --

Unless he swings his hammer REALLY fast. It solves a lot of problems. But in this case it solves the problem by creating a vortex that surrounds the bomb and Thor. The bomb does go off and eradicates Thor but the universe is saved.

Hawkeye takes a second to realize that Thor disappeared in the contained blast. And then realizes Dr Pym is gone too.

His two companions are dead.

SCENE CHANGE!

Wow, these groups are not evenly broken up at all.

Group 1 was three people. Group 2 is four: Captain Marvel, She-Hulk, Moon Knight, and Tigra. Cool that its two from the East Coast Avengers and two from the West Coast Avengers though.

Captain Marvel doesn’t waste any time, she immediately nyooms toward the bomb to see if she can figure out how to defuse it. But the Grandmaster handpicked suitable opponents to stymie the Avengers and guests. And unfortunately, despite Captain Marvel’s usual difficulty to harm in light form, the Grandmaster selected Captain Marvel (Mar-Vell) and Drax the Destroyer to oppose this group.

Drax claims that he and Mar-Vell both have the ability to absorb energy. That’s true for Mar-Vell but I’m not seeing anything about that for Drax. He might be just making shit up.

I guess even if its just Mar-Vell absorbing energy out of Monica, it’d be bad enough.

She-Hulk throws a tree and interrupts Drax and Mar-Vell’s attack on Captain Marvel.

Drax immediately comes after She-Hulk but she knocks him away.

Green Goblin shows up as opponent number 3 and starts attacking Moon Knight. He gloats that though Moon Knight is fast, Green Goblin tangles with an even faster opponent. But as Moon Knight points out as he decks Green Goblin in the jaw, Green Goblin lost to said opponent.

(Dunno how Moon Knight knows that.)

While Tigra tries to decide which of her friends and acquaintances to help, opponent number 4 shows up. Death Adder pops out of the lake and drags her underwater. Just one slash from his claws and she’ll be lethally poisoned! Also, she’s underwater! She may have cured her cat soul problems but this is still a less than ideal situation!

Captain Mar-Vell flies around trying to blast Captain Marvel with his photon blasts. Wait, she can absorb those. Why is she dodging? Dammit, Monica! Drax lied that he can absorb energy and you forgot that you actually can do it! You did it last issue!

Anyway, Captain Mar-Vell berates her for resisting the inevitable so hard.

Captain Mar-Vell: “The universe is doomed! You have about as much chance of saving it as you do of avoiding my photon blasts!”

Captain Marvel: “Wise up, mister mouth! Avengers don’t quit! We never give up -- no matter what the odds!”

Drax has been getting his shit kicked in by She-Hulk but he channels the Drax the Destroyer single-minded obsessiveness (aimed at She-Hulk instead of Thanos due to Grandmaster) and shatters her spine with a surprise attack while She-Hulk is distracted looking at Tigra’s plight.

Meanwhile, Moon Knight is having a bad time. Even though he can go toe to toe with Green Goblin, Grandmaster didn’t replace all of Moon Knight’s gear like he did for Hawkeye. So Green Goblin is able to keep out of reach and bombard Moon Knight with his own goblin gear.

Moon Knight dodges the pumpkin bombs but isn’t so lucky when Green Goblin throws a gas grenade full of hallucinogenic gas. Overwhelmed by grotesque imagery, Moon Knight can’t dodge when Green Goblin blasts him with his finger sparkle gun.

Green Goblin: “Is something troubling my friend? Don’t despair! The Green Goblin can put an end to all your worries -- for all time!!”

Dick.

Meanwhile also, Tigra manages to break away from Death Adder and get out of the lake. She climbs a tree and baits Death Adder to follow her. When he does, she suddenly wheels around and slashes him, figuring either the disembowelment geez! will kill him or falling from the tree will. But Death Adder lashes out with his tail and the toxin on his spines paralyzes Tigra and she falls to the ground too.

Captain Marvel manages to dodge Mar-Vell long enough to reach the bomb. She has to use the rest of her strength but she busts the force bubble around it and then safely detonates the bomb.

Hooray!

Except...

Lying broken on the ground, She-Hulk and Tigra die, a mere inch from holding hands. Moon Knight is dead nearby. And since three of the opponents weren’t beaten, they all gang up and kill Captain Marvel.

Because the match doesn’t end until one side is completely out of action, even if the bomb is stopped.

Geez.

What a PG bloodbath.

So we go from a group of three to a group of four to just one dude?

How are you deciding these divisions, Grandmaster?

Location three for the Grandmaster’s life-bomb is just the middle of space. Luckily, the Silver Surfer is well-equipped to nyoom to the bomb. Unfortunately, the Surfer’s chosen opponent is Korvac. And with his vast cosmic power, he has surrounded the life-bomb with an invisible barrier.

Korvac is also still in his casual phase so he’s kicking back in a recliner, with a drink, in his sitting around clothes while he tries to help destroy the universe.

Korvac: “I am Michael Korvac. There was a time when my name was known and feared throughout the entire universe. You see, I possess the power cosmic on a scale far greater than even you can imagine. Let’s be civilized, shall we? Since there’s no possible way for you to defeat me, we might as well enjoy a drink together while the universe goes bye-bye. What’s the matter? Don’t you care for champagne? Maybe you’d prefer a nice hot -- COSMIC BOLT!”

Silver Surfer no-sells a bolt that could destroy a world because he “has basked in the glow of a thousand suns!”

You’d think that Korvac would know that, considering the origin of his cosmic contender powers were from draining the computers from Galactus’ ship.

But then again, we’ve established that the people Grandmaster summons to fight for him aren’t quite the actual people they were.

Real deal or no, Korvac doesn’t fuck around. He magnetizes Silver Surfer and lets him be crushed by enough meteors to form a small planet.

 Silver Surfer manages to bust free with his own POWER COSMIC. A stray rock knocks Korvac on his ass and distracts him long enough that Silver Surfer also manages to break the barrier around the life-bomb.

Korvac intercepts Silver Surfer as he’s making another pass to destroy the bomb and melts off Silver Surfer’s silver protective coating, killing him as unprotected his body can’t survive space travel.

But Norrin Radd’s last act is to aim his board so that it slams into the bomb, destroying it and killing both Norrin Radd and Michael Korvac.

Grandmaster snarks that he’ll call that match a draw. And then gloats to Death that he’s already arranged things so that the heroes have “virtually” no chance to win.

And we’re back to big groups!

Iron Man! Mockingbird! Black Knight! Doctor Druid!

Again, two East Coast Avengers and two West Coast Avengers.

Also, kind of a team made up of fuck-ups. In later years, Black Knight learns that his sword is powered by how much of a fuck-up he is. Its a truly cursed sword.

The location this round is the ruins of an alien civilization. Unlike the previous rounds, the bomb isn’t immediately obvious so Iron Man proposes Lets Split Up Gang So We Can Cover More Ground.

Nobody realizing that this is how you die in a horror movie, they all agree.

But this apparently is a horror movie because Dr Druid gets attacked by ACTUALLY DRACULA moments later.

I guess that’s his chosen opponent.

Mockingbird meets her opponent not long after: the Red Guardian.

She immediately starts destroying his self-esteem.

Red Guardian: “Mockingbird, I am truly disappointed that you are the one I must face! The Red Guardian would have preferred a greater challenge!”

Mockingbird: “Why? Do you like being dead? Considering your current state, I can only assume that you blew it the last time you were in a real fight? A lot of men are like that -- they just can’t deliver when the pressure’s on!”

Red Guardian: “SHUT UP!”

Mockingbird: “The truth hurts doesn’t it, Mr. Macho?”

Iron Man also meets his opponent: Terrax the Tamer. He has control of rock and earth and is an ex-herald of Galactus. That’s not a great level of power to have to tangle with.

Speaking of tangle, Terrax wastes no time in tangling Iron Man up in a stream of debris to hold him in place long enough to throw a chunk of rock the size of Manhattan at him.

Iron Man has no time to block it and repulsors won’t be enough, so Iron Man rockets straight into it, destroying the rock.

Huh. This is one of the feats used by Death Battle to figure out how strong Iron Man is. Fun to see the feat in the wild, just like its fun to see memes in their original context.

Black Knight hears a rock the size of Manhattan exploding and reasonably assumes the world is ending. But his opponent shows up and tells him never to mind, its time to swordfight.

And his opponent is... the original Black Knight.

Sir Percy: “I am Sir Percy of Scandia  -- the rightful wielder of the Ebony Blade, and a knight of the Round Table of King Arthur Pendragon!”

Black Knight: “You’re also the original Black Knight, and my former teacher! But, what are you doing here?”

Sir Percy: “Though my spirit once served as your mentor, and instructed you in the arts of combat, the Grandmaster has sent me here to challenge you... to the death!”

Black Knight: “No! I won’t fight you! I can’t -- !”

Sir Percy: “Then you shall die!”

Dr Druid’s fight with Dracula goes badly. Dracula can just turn to mist and be entirely unphased by any of Dr Druid’s martial arts. So Druid instead decides to try to use his MIND POWERS to win a battle of wills with Dracula.

Dracula is incredibly amused by this and agrees that a battle of wills is what they’ll be doing.

Meanwhile, the two Black Knights are stalemated in perfectly symmetrical violence with identical super cursed swords.

Also meanwhile, Mockingbird finishes mocking Red Guardian so thoroughly that he makes a careless mistake and she bonks him unconscious upside the head.

Mockingbird: “His biggest mistake was listening to the Mockingbird.”

Also also meanwhile meanwhile, Iron Man could shatter a rock the size of Manhattan by flying at it but the attempt badly drained his armor’s energy. So he pulls off a desperate hail mary gamble to beat Terrax.

Next time Terrax blasts energy at Iron Man, he absorbs it instead of dodging and fires it back at Terrax.

It works and knocks Terrax out of the fight but it destroys Iron Man’s armor.

Mockingbird finds the life-bomb and brings Tony over. Its complicated but with his mighty Tony brains, he starts figuring out how to defuse it.

Unfortunately. The dominoes fall.

Dr Druid loses his battle of wills against Dracula. The vampire breaks Druid’s neck and moves on to where Mockingbird and Tony are trying to defuse the bomb.

When Mockingbird sees Dracula, she lies to Tony that nothing is happening to get him to stay focused on the bomb. But her screams as she’s murdered by Dracula distract Tony during those last crucial seconds.

Boom.

One-fifth of the universe is suddenly gone.

A fact that Grandmaster glorifies in to the captive Death.

Grandmaster: “Fascinating! A full fifth of the universe has suddenly ceased to exist! So many galaxies... so many inhabited worlds... erased in an instant! In its own way, I find such devastation to be... startlingly beautiful! Can you feel it, my friend? The entire cosmos ripples with terror! The end is near! The end of all life -- and death!”

Oof.

I’m almost certain there’s going to be a reset button. Not so much for one-fifth of the universe being wiped out as all these characters. Pretty sure Tony Stark Iron Man has a lot more comics to be in.

But still. Feels bad to see a big fraction of the universe and Tony Stark Iron Man blow up because of Draculas.

Well. There’s one more fifth of the universe to protect from a bomb.

Captain America, the Wasp, and Wonder Man (so two East Coast Avengers and only one West Coast Avenger, to make up for when the first match had two West Coast and only one East Coast Avengers) appear in a frozen hellscape.

Unlike the previous round, the bomb is in plain sight. The heroes just have to get past Nazi vampire Baron Blood, Hyperion the Not-Superman, and GODDAM BUCKY BARNES to get to the bomb.

Bucky Barnes: “How’s it going, Cap? Kill any partners lately?”

God damn, shade or whatever of Bucky. Are you the real Nazi vampire in this group? Because you just went right for the throat.

Wasp winds up facing Baron Blood. He’s too tough for her Wasp stings. Despite her Wasp stings being powerful enough to knock down a small house. Well, maybe Wasp is dealing with a handicap. She says that its so cold she can barely move.

Anyway, like many times Wasp fights a dude too tough, she just finds a way to attack where he’s softer. In this case by flying into his ears and blasting his sensitive ear drums.

Damn, Wasp.

And Wonder Man winds up fighting Hyperion. They’re both the powerhouses. Although, Wonder Man’s last fight with a caped really tough guy didn’t go so well.

After an exchange of punching, Hyperion manages to belt Wonder Man twenty miles away. Wonder Man is surprised to learn that he can be hurt so badly anymore. One of his arms is broken. As are most of his ribs. But fate of the universe, et cetera, so he uses his last arm to fling giant chunks of ice at Hyperion. Who easily blasts them with his ATOMIC VISION.

Thiiiiis isn’t going well.

Captain America jumps in to help Wasp against Baron Blood so she suggests a CHANGE PARTNERS. Cap is having trouble fighting Bucky due to history and grief and whatever so Wasp will fight him.

It turns out to be a mistake.

Bucky takes advantage of how the cold is slowing her to flip behind her and crush her tiny body with a punch.

=(

They nerfed her and then they killed her. Where is the justice for Wasp?

Cap sees this but can’t spare a moment because Baron Blood is still on his ass. But Cap is a master of judo. When Baron Blood latches onto Cap to try to drink him, Cap is able to use his better footing to flip Baron Blood.

And since he’s treated as defeated by this and since he screams and since there’s a conveniently positioned sharp spike of ice in the panel, yeah, I’m pretty sure Cap flipped him onto a spike of ice. In essence, staking him.

Meanwhile, Hyperion is tired of Wonder Man throwing rocks at him.

So he decides to kill him. Wait, not just kill him. Overkill him.

He tackles Wonder Man THROUGH THE ENTIRE PLANET and then INTO THE NEARBY STAR.

Yeah. I don’t care if he’s ionic energy now. That guy is dead. Super dead.

And do we even need the Sentry if Hyperion is going to throw people in to the Sun? That’s basically the only thing Sentry brought to the table. Just sayin’.

So everything is down to Captain America and Bucky. Bucky stands between Cap and the life-bomb which has just started glowing to explode.

Captain America: “You used to be like a son to me, Bucky. I loved you. I have always loved you! But I won’t let my personal feelings for you stop me from doing my duty! Too much is at stake! Too many lives are counting on me! I cannot fail!! Please forgive me... son.”

And Captain America launches a no-holds-barred beatdown on Bucky. Bucky doesn’t even get a chance to react before Cap leaves him facedown in the snow.

So let that be a lesson. Captain America will definitely beat up a dead child to save a fifth of the universe. Even if he feels immense personal guilt for that specific child’s apparent death.

With nothing standing in his way, Cap smashes the bomb with his shield.

Huh. Luckily that’s all it took. Captain Marvel and Silver Surfer had to put a lot of effort into getting through the shield around the bomb. Then again. When Captain America throws his mighty shield, all who oppose his shield must yield. Yeah, he didn’t throw it this time. But its the principle of the thing.

Also, Hyperion bodyslamming Wonder Man into the star has created an immense solar flare that’s glaring brightly in the sky. Cap wonders if he stopped the bomb only to die by solar flare but he gets teleported away.

Captain America and Hawkeye find themselves back in front of the Grandmaster.

As they realize that no one else has returned with them, the Grandmaster informs them that they are the only survivors of round one.

Captain America: “Round one -- ? What do you mean round one?!”

Grandmaster: “Hmm, only need four bombs this time... Surely, Captain, you didn’t think I would allow our last game to end so quickly. No, no, no, I fully intend to keep on playing and playing -- until I win!! You will please note that the Legion of the Unliving has added -- a few new members!”

A.k.a. every Avenger (plus guest) that died is now on Grandmaster’s team.

Hawkeye flips out seeing Mockingbird (and also his other friends) dead and mind controlled onto Grandmaster’s side. He shoots a bunch of arrows at the Grandmaster, although to no effect.

Hawkeye: “You miserable, stinking -- ! You killed my wife! Murdered her!! You slaughtered my friends!! Used them all as pawns! Playthings!! Why? Why? WHY?!”

Grandmaster: “Because I make the rules... and that is how my game is played!”

Captain America slaps some sense back into Hawkeye and tells him to get his head in the game. They need to think of a way to beat Grandmaster. Because clearly playing his game until they both die isn’t the best course of action.

Sometimes slapping your friend is good actually, I guess, because Hawkeye does come up with an idea.

He pulls out his last two arrows and proposes something more interesting.

Hawkeye: “We all know how your old life-bomb game is gonna end, so why bother going through the motions? What I’m proposing is a new contest! A simple game of chance!”

Captain America: “Are you insane?!”

Grandmaster: “A game of chance? Go on...”

Hawkeye: “Choose an arrow. You get the one with the head, you win.”

Grandmaster: “Captain America is right. You are insane. Why should I risk certain victory to participate in this whimsical contest?”

Hawkeye: “Why not? You’ve devoted your entire life to playing games of skill and chance! You’ve always lived for the love of the game -- and the challenge! Just think of all that’s at stake! All that’s resting on a simple choice! A whim of fate! How can a gamesman like you resist a challenge like that?!”

Hah. Its the perfect bait. Even though Grandmaster rigged the game this time to make absolutely sure his love of games wouldn’t screw him over here... Well, the Elders of the Universe are monomaniacs. Grandmaster was probably thirsty for a stupid game like this after sitting through a rigged game.

So even though Captain America hates that they’re leaving the fate of the universe to blind luck, he concedes Hawkeye picked a good stratagem. Even if the Grandmaster wins the pick an arrow game, it may distract him enough for Cap to try to attack him.

But he doesn’t pick the right one.

Hawkeye rigged the game. When Grandmaster picked the arrow with the head, Hawkeye just snapped it off in his palm. You can even see the sound effect in that panel.

Seems only fair. A rigged game for a rigged game.

I like that the Grandmaster didn’t even agree to release Death if he lost. She just broke free because he was distracted. Kind of like how she didn’t agree to anything, he just took advantage of her distraction.

Anyway, Death is tired of all these dead people fucking up her life and ejects Hawkeye and Captain America from the afterlife.

They wind up back at the Houston Astrodome and all their friends are back to life!

Captain America decides this was Death rewarding them for stopping the Grandmaster. Which means that Grandmaster may still be out there somewhere but Mockingbird and Hawkeye tell Cap that that’s a later problem. They should unwind with some BASEBALL.

As a punchline to Cap’s astonishment with Hawkeye cheating the Grandmaster, he tells Thor to keep an eye on Hawkeye during the ball game. “He cheats!”

Hah hah!

Elsewhere, in space, Grandmaster crows that Actually He’s The Real Winner Here, If You Think About It.

Death was so pissed at him, she exiled him from her realm permanently. I.e., he’s immortal now. Uh, more immortal than he already was, which was conditional and he could die if killed.

Grandmaster: “The entire universe was within my grasp -- Everything could have been mine! The Avengers will pay for what they’ve done to me! They’ll... they’ll... What are they playing down there?! Baseball? Hmmm...”

AND THEN HE GETS DISTRACTED WATCHING THEM PLAY BASEBALL!

I love Grandmaster when he’s a wacky space guy, obsessed with every game. THere’s just so many ways you can use him. Usually its for superhero fights, as seen here. And in his first appearance. And also in JLA/Avengers.

But what if he decided to stake one of his tricky wagers on the Avengers playing baseball with each other?

I’ve said I’d love one of those stories that start with baseball to simply play a whole game through and you could use the Grandmaster making a wager with someone as an excuse for why its important enough to get to be a story.

Also, almost everyone on both Avengers teams experienced dying and seems pretty chill with it. Superheroes are weird.

ALSO ALSO, wait did we just leave La Espirita in space with the Collector?

Follow @essential-avengers​ because its good times. Do you see this good times? So good. Like and reblog too, please. It motivates me.

#avengers #essential avengers #west coast avengers #the Grandmaster #Black Knight #Captain America #Captain Marvel #Monica Rambeau #Dr Druid #for some reason #She Hulk #Thor #Hawkeye #Mockingbird #Tigra #Wonder Man #Dr Pym #Hank Pym #Iron Man #Moon Knight #the Wasp #Silver Surfer #Swordsman #Nighthawk #Dracula #bucky barnes #Black Knight I #Skurge #Terrax the Tamer #Captain Mar-Vell

[bad-advice-its-very-bad]

ok so first off our partner has saved our lives multiple times and ya. anyways they’ve been not wanting cuddles and shit. nbd except i’m touch starved. ofc i don’t touch them without permission bc i’m not like that but i also really need a hug. idk what to do. i would talk to them about it but i feel indebted to them for saving me from suicide and i don’t wanna be controlling. i want the best for them, i really do, and idk how to go about it.

Well, coming from someone who doesn’t like being touched without being asked.

I think what you should do is just ask!

you won’t know what your partner’s comfortable with unless you set up boundaries! I can try to provide like a ways to do it if you want

“Hey, I’ve kinda been thinking is it okay if I have a hug? I kinda need it.” “Well give me a minute to collect myself sure”

”can I have a hug?” “I’m kinda uncomfortable with hugs but we can hold hands?”

”hey, what sorta physical contact are you okay with? I kinda don’t want to cross your boundaries, but I wanna show I love you.” “Thanks for asking I’m chill with (insert thing) thanks for asking”

without a doubt your partner loves you for you, and if your worried about making them uncomfortable. Remember good communication skills or just asking questions will always be better then silently wondering if your doing something wrong.

I deal with a LOT of emotionally constipated people in my life, and just being honest and slightly vulnerable by asking questions of what’s okay and what’s not okay will only bring you love and support in the future!

love is something you build and make, and sometimes you just need to ask hard questions sometimes.

so TL;DR ask your partner what their boundaries are so you both can clear the air and enjoy each other’s company while both being happy!

#send me anons #asks #mental health #the bad advice blog #anon #anon ask #relationships

[punkscowardschampions]

Mafi Pt.1

Mattie: [Okay ladies, it is a good six months since you would have last seen each other for Leavers which is the end of June/start of July typically; safe to say we did not in the SLIGHTEST expect to be seeing you today, at Jay’s engagement party of all places, so the double-take we do will actually be comical like HELLO ?!! Of course, we’re coming over, hopefully, you had enough time whilst we were in shock to say hi to Dolly who actually invited you here, excuse us everyone ‘cos none of y’all know who this girl is so you will all be peeping on the low like who dis as we’re giving you a hug literally like ‘I can’t believe it!’]

Fi: [Like, there is a slim chance you maybe saw each other if she was loitering around in September because uni doesn’t start until October if we want that, but yeah, regardless the shock and awe will be dramatic, I’d like to point out before I have her hug this gal back and say something that because she is super gay she absolutely has one of the last sweet pea flowers of her last season at school pressed and in her phone case, whether Mattie clocked that at the time or isn’t going to until tonight when this bitch is taking pics, but ANYWAY, hug her back and say ‘hello, miss’ being unnecessarily flirty about calling her that again, just because, but CLEARLY buzzing to see her and smiling so big like hey]

Mattie: [when you get to be gay so you can go full force with the romantic drama, shine my boo, shine, I’ll say whether that has been clocked or not we’re not mentioning it in front of the rest of the crowd rn; shaking your head and giving her the friendliest of pushes like oh, you ‘Please, even if we were in term time, you only ever called me that to get a reaction’ me like a reaction, lol ok girls, doing our big grin ‘so, how was first semester?’ ‘cos why do we go American when uni, to feel fancy? Idk but go off and also of course we want to know how it has been]

Fi: [this is my moment, sang like the martine mcclutcheon song obvs hehe, doing a cheeky eyebrow raise at the word reaction, gotta ‘and without fail, it worked every time’ like yep, we both know exactly what I’m doing and why, emphasising this unnecessarily by touching her in some way related to her ootn but super flirtily, whether that’s like touching her waist or back because of outfit deets or her hair for a hair accessory or purely straight coming at her jewellery, either way like nice because we approve, having already drawn attention to her own outfit choices by acting like she’s gonna stumble to her death in whatever shoes she’s rocking cos of Mattie’s gentle af push lol, of course being a massive nerd about everything to do with uni, lowkey giving her too many deets not just about her course but who she’s met and what she’s been up to other than class cos has always been your vibe to talk and talk and talk to this gal about everything, excuse us everyone, eventually, when she’s exhausted the uni topic, asking ‘how’s things with you, at your end?’ which means how’s you and how’s work going/how’s my gals at school etc but also means how’s the old form teacher who bullied me because I vibe that before she left she told Mattie the full story about that, having the energy of in a kind of spark, minus the autism, but her being a handful and said teacher handling it ALL wrong, so she’s hoping that lady isn’t a form tutor any more as of this year]

Mattie: [doing the sort of you-got-me shrug with a lil smirk because we know we fell for it in all the ways ‘easy target, I believe you said’ not us harkening back to the first day like an insane person, miming a little shooting a bow and arrow moment before you’re putting out a hand and holding her arm to steady her lest she actually hit the deck, so now we’re just holding each other in a very casual way, nbd, after LINGERING, pull your hand away and fold your arms as you get into this convo, giving her that lowdown on all the things that might have changed and the things that haven’t ‘you’ve not felt too homesick then?’ IMMEDIATELY putting our hand on your arm again, in that comforting way because everyone does the first year and the way we clearly mean for the school more than we mean your literal family there]

Fi: [‘did I?’ said with the tone and smile of knowing you did because she remembers but downplaying it like lol lol what am I like and how rude of me, love how immediately gay y’all are being at this function and the fact you’ve barely said hi to Dolly, amuses me greatly ‘it’s been bearable, thanks to keeping busy, you know’ genuinely and in a subtle I’m soz I haven’t been in touch kind of way ‘the place hasn’t fallen apart without my leadership then?’ obvs glad actually but doing a lil pout about it like the audacity]

Mattie: [she’s clearly used to it and this was your vibe before but it is rude when she’s specifically invited you for backup tonight, which we are aware of because not a crap sister despite how we’ll feel like one when this all goes down ‘it isn’t the same without you’ as genuinely, even if we’re doing a little lol at your pout, using Dolly to move her closer to you and push ourselves away like must mingle ‘cos really, you must ‘be back in a sec, it’s so good to see you’ not the brush off it invariably sounds ‘cos we truly are and are all too aware we could stand here and ignore everyone else all night if we let ourselves]

Fi: [SUCH a genuine smile at her admitting it’s not the same without us, shamelessly, not soz ‘I can’t get used to not seeing you every morning either, it’s too strange’  despite the fact we’re waving her off to go and mingle because this bitch is the queen of mingling so she knows what’s up, like yeah yeah go it’s fine, catch up with Dolly for a minute because keeping her sane is the actual reason why you’re here, but I am also gonna have to say you talk to the happy couple to say congrats because she would on her way to get y’all drinks or something, so when she’s talking to Jay/Noah/both and they mention Mattie, cos you clearly know her lol, saying like it’s bants cos of how great she is or to confirm the lewk she’s serving ‘I had the biggest crush on her in school’ which I’m gonna need Mattie to overhear without the rest of the convo because Winnie insists, even though she isn’t shouting it across this party or anything haha]

Mattie: [a meaningful look back as if to say hold that thought because the strangeness cannot be overstated because y’all were her first year of leavers, so she’s yet to get used to the machine of getting to know kids at 11 or whenever they join and then waving them off at 18, not at all mentioning the possibility or the specificness of not being used to not seeing YOU every day, nope lol; Winnie says we owe him so much sapphic tension now, thanks, when you don’t have an ego at all so you’re thinking she must mean Dolly which is awkward because we know Dolly is very straight from the confiding she would have done about some of the Swiss school nonsense]

Fi: [soz that will seem true because when she gets back from her congrats for the happy couple she’s gonna be doing everything a good friend would to make sure Dolly has a good time at this party, including so much chatting and so much dancing, it’ll seem very gay and very like you do have a crush on her now lol]

Mattie: [I can’t help that she isn’t a bitch to assume that’s about her, Winola, there’s nothing I can do hun, when you’re now like oh no, do I need to stealthily save Dolly from this situation or nah, what a comedy of errors; at least the grandparents are also there and they could need to talk to Dolly so we can butt in at some point like grandma needs you girl go ‘can I get you a drink? that only being a novelty on my part, though it is’ at Fi]

Fi: [look around comedically and dramatically like you do when you’re checking someone has really gone before you answer because in solidarity with Dolly she hasn’t been drinking alcohol while they’ve been vibing cos just the kind of bitch she is, again it looks gay though, doing a face and lol of relief like oh thank god as if you are that desperate for a real drink cos that party girl persona you put on from her literal first day with the practice telling off of it all, and nod as you say ‘sure’ too eagerly but don’t elaborate on what you actually want, because again this bitch]

Mattie: [looking after Dolly with a smile like yes, I know because you’re not teetotal yourself but you know where her disdain comes from and you can’t blame her for it, nor do you not think it’s a legit response because duh, James is your dad, you know the score; looking back at this girl and going to do another oh, you shove but stopping yourself like oh no, must not, lest you topple over again ‘you’re still fond of a guessing game’ like that hasn’t changed either, I see]

Fi: [smiling too big about the bants of her calling you a pisshead because we just love that the rapport is still here and hasn’t changed ‘with you’ no notes, just remembering the Emily Spinach moment and I’m sure countless other guesses Mattie has slayed that we’re yet to write but just know exists]

Mattie: [doing your own smile back and silently reminiscing with you because the only way you could’ve got that Emily Spinach one is by being that gay and we all know it lol, you love to see it; ‘just know I’m playing it safe, lest you be unable to keep up with your noble escort duties’ like I KNOW your fave drink would be something more hardcore but I won’t get you smashed when you need to be good company for Dolly, ‘cos not having you think we’re lame here]

Fi: [‘as long as you’re aware I’m only allowing it because I take them extremely seriously’ gesturing at herself and her outfit cos her and Dolly are lowkey matching here like yep gotta be the best plus one this town has ever seen lol, cos she do, despite also knowing Mattie would be at this and wanting to see her, not saying at all that’s the only reason she came ‘and you’ll owe me a dance, we haven’t had one together since leaver’s ball’ oh lord imagine how gay that night would’ve been please, not this girl being like I KNOW that’s unsafe and you gotta to even the score]

Mattie: [doing a little bow like but of course as you gesture at her as well like I see what you’re doing here and we approve, then reaching to whisper in your ear, if in a stage fashion to make it less serious so you can deal ‘you look more dapper than the soon-to-be-groom’ ‘cos Nay did not get the memo and all their guests have outdressed them really, soz; walk to the bar situation girl before you can acknowledge you’ve made your own cheeks pink here ‘and I’ll have your drink for you’ as you’re walking away because you can have a strong one, I’m sure it’s your first drink that isn’t the champagne you politely sip at these sort of functions]

Fi: [it’s her laugh making that so much flirtier and gay, because it seems like Mattie said something way more flirtier and gay than she did, for me, plus giving her the gentle push that Mattie didn’t go through with but a moment ago like oh you, get out of here ‘dorm inspections all over again’ called after her, like ty for the reminder cos was homesick, we can all imagine what was getting confiscated and again what you are saying about yourself]

Mattie: [shaking your head as you’re walking but not turning around so you can’t see the 😏 we’re also doing, order her some sort of wine vibe whilst you get yourself a cocktail because we all know cocktails go the hardest, whatever the male ego says about them being pretty and fruity, like there’s usually at least 2 types of liquor in them if not more]

Fi: [when you are gonna lowkey down that drink ASAP because it would be your first one with booze in it if you arrived late and didn’t get the welcome champagne, and like, you’re nervous to be reunited with this gal in this setting, but distract from the fact you just did that by playing a guessing game about what her cocktail is]

Mattie: [‘I can sneak you another under the table’ again in your stage whisper, like I know the party isn’t jumping that much you gotta be in her ear, just talk normally hun; but we legit sympathise with being at a party with only 3 people you know, Lulu barely at all and she’s busy doing whatever she’s doing, and not being able to loosen up with a drink if that’s your normal, which it is most people’s, doesn’t actually make you a party animal by default ‘or, let you have a sip, you can guess the ingredients then’ like we could do that, making a face like ooh, it strong ‘cos clearly lol]

Fi: [the absolute mischief in her eyes at both of these suggestions and absolute delight at who they are coming out of the mouth of, cos clearly love to be a bad influence upon this gal, but there was no encouragement needed, lowkey heart eyes though at her ADORABLE face when she takes a sip because simply must, taking the glass from her and taking her own like she’s doing her a favour sharing here if it is that strong, without making a face, but barely, like she really had to give it her ALL to stop herself from doing one, so then that making her lol, but correctly guessing through said lols, duh, excuse me while I die at her lipstick print on this glass as she hands it back cos we’ve all seen the outfit, we know she’s wearing it] 

Mattie: [maintaining unnecessary eye contact as she does her sip, narrowing your eyes and pursing your lips like you’re keeping the closest of eyes on her, trying to guess her guess before it’s out of her mouth; of course the lol is making us do our own heart eyes ‘how do you know what [an obscure ingredient they put in just to be fancy, you know the kind] tastes like ?!!’ with our own laugh like I don’t know, feels like cheating, not us here running our thumb over the lipstick print, your glass by your hip so it’s not like obvious you’re doing it, but we are]

Fi: [‘how would I have a fave bartender for years and not know?’ like what do you take me for, I’m SO knowledgeable thank you, with an unnecessary wink like keep that in the vault with all my other secrets you have I’ve overshared, as she’s pulling her towards the dance floor to have the dance she insists on and won’t take no for an answer about]

Mattie: [rolling our eyes affectionately ‘I assumed you tipped well and she kept quiet about the fakeness of your ID’ the way we’ve assumed it was a woman, got your number lmao but also outing yourself there, get dragged to this dance floor which I hope at least has some of Nay’s friends on because we know the party is not hip happening and the way it’d be a scene for all the nosy hoes if it was just y’all up there now, not that we’re concerned personally, here spinning each other around like kids]

Fi: [‘I did and he did’ my deliberate he to keep her on her toes here as if that’s fooling anybody haha, with a cheeky grin like she’s the devil emoji irl, in contrast to a moment later when she’s doing whatever ballet moves she can remember from her youth because Mattie is literally that ballerina rn and always]

Mattie: [doing a grumpy lil face as if it is somehow worse that it was a man, soz some things seem that way, especially if you’re not checking yourself and your opinions, which we’re not right now because we are spinning and sipping, I like to think your drink has a straw she would have purposely had to avoid to leave her lipstick mark on the glass because I can; doing such a happy clap like YAY when you realise what she’s doing and attempt to direct her with all the french words that I ain’t gonna sit here and look up, get yourself en pointe though hun, literally wearing ballet shoes, v Titanic of you]

Fi: [‘don’t be upset, I’ve learnt my lesson’ because it does read as sketchy af and we’re all aware of the fact, which she’s saying, but it’s also giving the double meaning that you don’t mess around with men/boys anymore so I love that, as do I how hardcore this girl is getting into this ballet lesson, taking her shoes off and everything to see if she can copy this, which you absolutely cannot because that’s so difficult and you clearly did it as a kid for like a couple of years max ‘okay, no, I’m way too sober for that’ as we try and fail, loling, clearly all the more impressed by her skills because of]

Mattie: [‘was it a you thing or a schoolgirl thing?’ like do I need to go to some pub local to this school and scare off some letchy barman, but also acknowledging that it was and is entirely possible that this dude just fancied her and wasn’t fussed she was like 17 or whatever; just having the best time showing off our ballet moves here and teaching you like there’s not people just milling about making small talk over picky food ‘later I’ll have you on your toes then’ leaning down to pick up her shoes to hand her]

Fi: [‘did I look like a schoolgirl out of uniform?’ when you’re genuinely asking like did I look my age/underage for him to be that level of creepy but everything has this double meaning and flirty edge to it that you just cannot help/are not even aware how blatant it is, because clearly she thought he just fancied her at the time, all teenagers think they look and act older and cooler than they do, hence asking for Mattie’s opinion as she’s not one, put your shoes back on and finish your drink like you’re doing your best to be less sober and therefore an iconic ballerina]

Mattie: [genuinely think about it and shake your head after a minute ‘no, I don’t think so’ because some people look super younger than they are and we don’t think you were or are giving that, honestly, we also like to think we wouldn’t have thought you were so quite so pretty otherwise but that’s a guilty thought we’re not sharing out loud, have the rest of your drink, even though there was no need for you to try and keep pace]

Fi: [‘he’ll live another day to serve another overpriced [whatever the cool rich girl drink of the moment was when you were like 15-17 and he was your fave], in blissful ignorance of his narrow escape’ with a shrug like lucky you sir like Mattie was gonna go fuck him up for being a nonce, cos she clearly has form for helping you sort that form teacher who was a bully out, though less dramatically, noticing her lipstick mark on this glass when Mattie drinks out of it again to finish and making a face like oh I’m gonna have to go waste time in the bathroom touching that up again and cba, but dragging her with you cos that’ll make it bearable]

Mattie: [putting up your fists like yeah, I know, I’m very fearsome lol but we truly would have gone down there and shook that man to his core accusing him of things and we all know it, we don’t play about this school and these kids ‘won’t get either of the girls’ quieter but Fi will still be able to hear, ‘cos we know neither twin is off down the pub or going anywhere and we are WORRIED about their lack of socializing honey, happily go and have a bathroom moment, touching our hair like I’m sure some of that has flown out with that wild dance break, having a quick check neither twin or anyone else is in the loos when you get in there, nothing worse than getting caught talking about someone, even if it is with concern]

Fi: [touching Mattie’s arm the way she touched hers when she was genuinely concerned about her being homesick because we see her twin concern and we get it ‘I barely had to talk her into bringing me’ because Fi is that won’t take no for an answer bitch but we’re saying this was actually Dolly’s idea and she clearly has kept in touch too it’s not just Fi being one sided and extra, doing an exaggerated mouth close like it was all her, I promise, but you can style it out into re-applying your lipstick as well so]

Mattie: [making a noise like oh, I know ‘I’m really glad you’re here’ because it is clear progress for Dolly and shows she has it in her, tapping our forehead with the palm of our hand like oh ‘I already said that, didn’t I?’ like how GLAD can I be? Be in this mirror sorting out your hair so you have something to do that isn’t just watching her ‘It’s just typical you weren’t in her year’ like she could do with some company day to day now but shrugging because you can’t force it for either of them at their age]

Fi: [‘for Doll’s sake is different than how you said it before’ like it’s FINE don’t worry you aren’t repeating yourself I know you were glad to see me for your own sake at first ‘I, meanwhile, could go on and on about how I’d kill for more time’ because you miss school however much you’re enjoying uni and some of that is definitely missing Mattie which she has already said]

Mattie: [just smiling at her through this mirror because we’re not going to deny it, we know what we said and why we said it ‘I wonder if anyone actually feels ready or they’re just good liars’ because we felt the same when we went to Uni hence we went very close by so we could stay home like that ‘have you found enough new friends to fill a plague pit?’ nudging into her back with your shoulder, gently and after she’s finished with the lippy so that doesn’t go awry]

Fi: [‘when you’ve had more leavers you’ll be able to conduct thorough research’ as if she’s gonna do a poll, but really just acknowledging what my boo said before about how new Mattie is at this and also how there really isn’t a big age gap between them ‘enough that when we hold hands for ring a ring o roses and all fall down it blocks everyone’s route to lectures for a solid minute, at a guess’ because defs feel like you’ve made lots of friends quick, you are that bitch and you’d throw yourself into it, but putting her head on Mattie’s shoulder because nevertheless it isn’t the same and is an adjustment]

Mattie: [‘it’s horrible’ ‘cos we are that bitch to get emotional every time a year leaves, even though you know you gotta let them fly the nest and move on, god bless lol; just putting your arm around her and then stroking her hair ‘you’ll miss this time one day before you know it’ because true, it’ll fly and then you’ll have that nostalgia to live with as well ‘you’re doing amazingly’ because we don’t doubt it, with the social side of Uni which is arguably more important and the actual course]

Fi: [‘if that’s a heads up not to put myself through it, you’re right on time’ because thinking about becoming a teacher herself fr already, we know, but smiling because we also know that hasn’t changed her mind really ‘I’ll miss this moment specifically, I know it’ literally outing herself like that like right here right now is where I wanna stay forever yes true] 

Mattie: [tilting your head like hm? So yours is now resting atop hers, then snapping it up like OMG when you realise and doing your excited clapping again ‘oh, do come back to us!’ half as a joke as you put your hands on her shoulders but also not, pulling her in for a hug ‘you’ll be an incredible teacher, Fi’]

Fi: [when she’s adorable and you CANNOT cope, thank god there is nobody else in here because the hearteyes are back in FULL force at her response to the teacher career reveal ‘I’d love to, if you’ll have me’ which is what she said about uni, if they’ll have me, sounds casual but isn’t at all which is her entire vibe always, making this hug more extra than it needs to be just because she has missed her so much she can’t not ‘you told me such a similar thing on your first day as one’ cos she did and the way she’s always and instantly believed in us has this girl emosh]

Mattie: [we’re just here jumping up and down in this hug, swaying you from side to side, don’t mind us ‘who could be better?’ like you would be perfect, girl ‘you practically served as my TA that whole year, it should count towards your hours’ not us like couldn’t have done it without you, brushing your hair away from your freshly made-up lips]

Fi: [‘I’d do it all again even without your glowing recommendation at the end’ because we know she would, over and over if they could ‘like groundhog day’ never happier than in the last year, soz but it’s true]

Mattie: [‘you’re glowing’ just blurting that out then doing a little lol like back up, what I meant to say was ‘you deserve all the good things that are going to come to you, you’re just- lovely’]

Fi: [‘it isn’t the lighting in here’ shading nay’s engagement venue haha but we all remember from Dolly’s posts the bathrooms were a choice so I can ‘must be seeing you again, hearing you hype me up in the way only you do’ because who else is, not her flop fam and not her school friends who are currently scattered to the four winds fighting for their lives in that weird time after school and uni starting, or uni friends she’s had for a few months]

Mattie: [‘or the booze’ touching both her cheeks with the backs of her hands like no, you don’t have that alcohol glow yet, just lingering and stroking her cheeks, standard ‘well, you know me’ doing a shrug like it’s nbd]

Fi: [‘I know I wanted to talk to you, I’ve never started so many conversations in my life, just to not let them get started’ with her own shrug like that’s such a nbd thing to say]

Mattie: [‘you were busy’ like I know how it is, I wouldn’t be mad at you ‘and it would’ve been wrong for me to, maybe later, give you chance to settle in’ when you’re admitting you wanted to too but as a teacher, that would be weird]

Fi: [‘wrong’ when you gotta let that word sit there because you know it should feel like that but it doesn’t]

Mattie: [moving your hands down to your side and taking a step back, steadying yourself against the sink ‘you wouldn’t want your old teacher hassling you whilst you’re out there moving on’ clutching the cold porcelain of this sink to contrast how warm her skin was]

Fi: [‘you weren’t my teacher’ because true in that literal sense but also because we were friends is how we see it, then and now ‘and moving on is cold’ literally while she’s there with that cold sink ‘like you’ve done your job and now it’s over’]

Mattie: [‘you know that’s not how I see it, how I see you’ as we’re turning back to look at you]

Fi: [‘I kept busy because you’ve had a new year to settle in, and the more I did, the more there’d be to talk about, in theory, but I still couldn’t’ just blurting this out like, it’s so weird I didn’t know how to start a convo cos of how much we used to talk]

Mattie: [‘it’s okay, it’s… everything is different’ because y’all had reason and free reign to talk to each other before, now it’s a real choice, we know it]

Fi: [‘I thought I was the biggest fan of change’ because she was about it before but now this is like !!? and we’re not here for it thank you]

Mattie: [doing a sheepish smile because what can we say, we’re both feeling that !!? honey]

Fi: [just playing with a strand of hair that poor Mattie fixed not long ago, teasing it back out and letting it fall over her face again so she’s looking messy but in a cute way because here for that always]

Mattie: [blushing ‘is that better?’ like you’re purely talking about your hair and not the way you’re moving closer to her again]

Fi: [‘different’ like we’ve gotta reclaim that word from the negative it was used in a sec ago and remind ourselves change can be good it doesn’t have to suck]

Mattie: [nodding like we agree and are on board ‘different’ as if we need to repeat to remind ourself ‘you make me feel different’]

Fi: [‘I was scared I would ruin my streak’ like her being her as Dolly’s plus one wasn’t a good surprise the way they used to surprise each other she’d have to go die, cos imagine, Mattie like, you again]

Mattie: [shake your head like you definitely have not ‘I didn’t know if I’d see you again, or, not ‘til some reunion or…’ shrugging like that wasn’t a very real possibility and we weren’t okay with it]

Fi: [‘if I left it that long you wouldn’t recognise me, which would be completely and utterly bad different, for both of us’ like ew no, cannot]

Mattie: [‘what about me? I’d be an actual old lady, horrific’ like no thank you, not at all casually reaching out for her hand]

Fi: [‘no, but you’d be married, which is worse’ taking her hand and doing a pose like she’s showing a wedding ring off like that would actually be horrific and I’d die]

Mattie: [lol like to who, ma’am ‘I don’t think so’ giving her hand a playful slap with ours like nay nay]

Fi: [looking around ‘how could you not want this?’ shading nay again, soz not soz, but underneath that playful bants it’s like actually though]

Mattie: [cover your mouth like you’ll really cackle if not like oops ‘don’t diss the decor, I did this on very short notice’ like tah, sis]

Fi: [‘I wouldn’t dream of it, the decor’s fantastic, I’m this close to booking in Allegra in preparation for marriage number 3, it’s the charm, so they say, maybe it’ll be a husband we can both stand’ because her mum can’t stand her dad but she can’t stand her stepdad lol]

Mattie: [crossing our fingers on both hands like I hope so because we just want you to be happy, obviously ‘what do you think?’ and nodding your head towards the door ‘of that happy couple?’]

Fi: [lowering her voice to a whisper even though there’s no need ‘your sister is exactly how I pictured her according to your painting’ because you would’ve heard so much about Jay by this point you lowkey feel like you know her ‘he’s less what I would’ve imagined, but I try not to give grown men the amount of headspace I once did, lesson learnt, as I’ve admitted, could be why’]

Mattie: [someone could walk in but it’s not like you’re being cunty or these convos aren’t happening all over this party but I get it, we’re also talking in more hushed tones ‘they’ve been together for a long time’ which she surely knows but as if we’re justifying it here and now ‘you might have the right idea’ ‘cos none of us are sold on this or Noah but it is what it is]

Fi: [‘I know, but I assumed she’d be with someone who, superficially, could bench press both of us at the same time’ soz to drag you to filth like that Noah but Jay is sporty gym gal and that’s one of the biggest things we’ve always known about her so, and she hasn’t talked to nay long enough to be like oh it’s your personality she loves, can’t go on anything but shallow stuff rn]

Mattie: [doing a cute lol because you would assume that was her type ‘is that what your favourite bartender looked like?’ ‘cos you too are a sporty gal]

Fi: [‘it’s what my fave bouncer looked like’ because I always befriended them on nights out, in my case for if I needed help, but you just would, I feel like]

Mattie: [nod like oh yep, that tracks ‘at least he’s suited for his job’ ‘cos what is the point when they’re just fat or not remotely tough like soz it’s v much the point]

Fi: [‘whatever my opinion of them, Doll can count me as her wedding date unless she gets a better offer’ just back to the point here which is how buzzing we are to have got an invite to this, flop event though it may be]

Mattie: [making a face when you realise you’ll have a plus one place to either fill or ignore like oh GOD ‘thank god I can keep super busy’ which sounds like you don’t wanna see her and Dolly together but obviously that isn’t what we meant, swatting our hands like oh, you know what I mean]

Fi: [SUCH an amused face ‘and thank god I won’t keep you waiting until the reception to have another catch up’ cos imagine, that wedding could be forever away, some peeps wait years]

Mattie: [tapping her arm like no, you won’t ‘now the conversation has been started’ like it’ll be easier from here on out]

Fi: [‘when we next stall I can take you out for [whatever the cocktail she just drank was]’ not you admitting it’s still kinda awks and y’all might need to get drunk about it to deal with this sapphic tension] 

Mattie: [‘we won’t’ shaking our head so more of our hair comes loose, refusing to acknowledge it could be awkward like nope ‘but I do owe you a proper drink’]

Fi: [playing with said loose hair for no reason whatsoever ‘I owe you your own escort, and my full attention’ because technically here for your sister even though it’s too easy for you both to forget that rn in here]

Mattie: [‘you take it very seriously’ like I remember and you’re very gentlemanly 😌 face before you’re looking at the door like we should probably get back in there]

Fi: [when you see her look towards that door and you go to say something but you only get ‘Mattie-’ out, note the first time she’s used her name this convo though, before someone comes into this bathroom and you don’t wanna finish whatever gay thing you were about to say, so yeah, go out and find Dolly again hun]

Mattie: [the ? on our face before this person rudely interrupts to go to the toilet, it is probably someone you vaguely know so you might have to stay and have a little chat before so let this girl go, however begrudgingly it is]

Fi: [soz Win but it’s a realistic cockblock and you have gotta go back to Dolly anyways, girl, so do that and do your best not to be gutted af]

Mattie: [and you gotta do some more mingling girl, keep this party ticking over for your sins]

Fi: [nobody’s living for the nay engagement but the party doesn’t have to be a total bust just because they are flops]

Mattie: [at least you can get these gals mocktails to enjoy and Gabe whatever he’s been drinking with Lulu because can’t do one and not the other]

Fi: [just know that you are not welcome though Gabe, ever, but it means you can raise your glass at this girl across the room like ty so that’s nice, we like that, even if you blatantly wish it was a cocktail, Fi, you’re being a good friend]

Mattie: [we could have cheated but I think Dolly would know and you are being a good friend, we don’t want to derail you that hard, and we definitely do not like Gabe but at least Lulu is socialising when he’s around so we kind of just put up with him for that sake at this point but there’s no love lost; do your little toast back with the drink you got yourself, not at all romantic just silently communicating across a crowded room, alright taylor]

Fi: [god just take a second to actually think what a dry party this would be because of the age of the peeps mostly being fam like the literal grandparents and Java, and no offence how boring nay are, you really are being a good friend here Fi, I would simply not attend if someone asked me and that was the situation, soz, I fully imagine you and Dolly exploring this venue trying to find anything vaguely interesting or fun to do, we’re all praying for like a giant lawn connect 4 at this point lol]

Mattie: [thank god there is catching up to be done because truly, there’s nothing here for y’all, idek who this party is for lmao, everyone entertain yourselves lowkey, we’ll just be here trying to get Jay to come talk to the twins so they feel included and like there was a reason to bring them here tonight]

Fi: [at least if we say she do, they’ll all be dying, but it’ll bring you 2 back together because Fi literally doesn’t know anyone so she’d be alone else while that awks twin and Jay convo is occurring]

Mattie: [like we’d probably have to do it one by one ‘cos lord knows none of you gals are helping us here but when Jay is making awkward small-talk with Dolly, deffo]

Fi: [soz to throw you under the boring Jay sized bus there Dolly but, I suppose it’s good that she’s vaguely trying to have a catch up with you, agonising as it will be, Fi return the favour and hand Mattie a v alcoholic drink you can tell she needs to deal with how awkward and hard work trying to organise that was]

Mattie: [should Mattie have to encourage you to? No but it’s something, as you are an adult hun; shooting her a look as you take this drink and then your first sip because yeah, we truly need it because Jay is the exact same amount related to these gals as you are and hasn’t put in half the effort, which is like, yeah, your decision but being in the middle of that is a lot ‘aren’t you glad you only have the one little brother?’ raising our brows like these sisters, my god]

Fi: [when you’re just automatically leading her somewhere that you found while you were exploring with Dolly before so Mattie can literally get away from this and have a break because she never gets one and these twins are a lot to be dealing with basically by yourself and all of this Fi has known from basically the beginning cos no secret the gals are weird, Dolly less so obvs hence y’all are legit friends now, but still ‘for all Allegra’s many faults, I can be glad he’s just my little brother, and yeah, I am’ because your mum for all she put on you in terms of pressure at least isn’t making you do more for your little bro than any standard big sister would and you shamelessly are thankful for that]

Mattie: [rich girl perks, you’re not ever going to be needing to look after your siblings like second parents, there’s staff and good schools for that, nodding and sitting yourself down on the floor, wherever y’all are so you can take this moment properly ‘brothers are easier, whatever age’]

Fi: [nod because you feel like you’ve had a lot of sisters with the way your school was set up to make you really look after the younger ones ‘I won’t miss feeling like I’ve got [however many] sisters’ but with a smile because you loved it really, unlike this situation poor Mattie is in]

Mattie: [smile back ‘yeah, right’ ‘cos we know you loved it, before the bathroom heart to heart even we knew that much ‘some sisters are easier than others’ like namely the ones I’m not actually related to lol]

Fi: [‘you’ve had some rotten luck, hence the nobody could call it playing safe drink in your hand’ because where’s the lie, Chlo is also your mum, soz Mattie we’ve really put you through it, girl, and this girl here isn’t gonna sugarcoat it] 

Mattie: [do a little lol about how blunt that is but you’re not at all offended because not that type, again taking another sip but purposely taking a bigger gulp like you’re confirming it, like to point out that she would also have 2 younger siblings assuming we’ve got the Java kids we faced so like, wild times lol ‘if I turn this into a pity party though the night is well and truly over’ like we cannot]

Fi: [‘well then, I’ll have to think of how I’m going to turn it back into a party, party’ with that mischievous look back in her eye again, because who is she if not this bitch, hence Dolly invited her to help her have an actually good time]

Mattie: [‘what did you have in mind?’ looking around as if something wild is just going to pop out of nowhere]

Fi: [‘you like to follow clues, I’ll leave some for you’ not this girl just about to set up some kind of spontaneous little treasure hunt moment at the drop of a literal hat like it’s nbd]

Mattie: [shaking your head like oh, okay because who even ‘do I stay here or?’]

Fi: [‘it doesn’t matter, as long as you stay out of my way while I set up the first’ a smile as she messes up Mattie’s hair playfully, which we all know is a clue in itself for her to go back to the bathroom and start there for this first clue, which we likewise all know will be a lipstick message on the mirror because DUH, obvs we’re gonna hark back across their entire relationship with these clues, tonight included]

Mattie: [checking the watch we don’t have on like okay, ready set go energy, waving her off and covering her eyes like we’re not even checking which direction she’s going in even though we picked up on that clue to go to the bathroom in a suitable time]

Fi: [just getting to be the most gay and feelsy of all time with every single clue, god bless, enjoy your trip down memory lane gals, I can only speculate wildly because we don’t know y’all like that after one convo, but the point is clearly to cheer her up and the final clue is blatantly inviting her somewhere after this engagement party is dead and buried because we know it won’t be a late one, Jay doesn’t drink any more and is a gym bitch, I’m sure she has to get up early in the AM even after her engagement party]

Mattie: [we love to see it and are obviously having the greatest time, no need to know y’all to know that much and are definitely going to accept this offer because duh]

Fi: [Dolly will be invited too, of course, so we’ll have to decide if we want her there or not because two very different moods depending if she is or it’s just you two, but either way, I’m just happy the slay outfits won’t be wasted on this boring function]

Mattie: [my boo says I will save the day and the looks, but yes those would be two entirely different vibes at this point so we’d need to pick, ‘cos we’re probably already a little too tipsy to feel comfortable subjecting Dolly to it]

Fi: [we can always do the copout but quite legit vibe that she’s invited but declines because she’s not feeling wherever Fi has decided they’re going, let y’all be gay alone]

Mattie: [I think so, it’s obviously not your scene Dolly and you aren’t in the mood to be in a club with more drunk people or whatever so pop off gays]

Fi: [I don’t blame her, being the sober one on a night out sucks, even if you’re the most sober of the group never mind completely so, but again, cute and nice that you invited her Fi, despite how blatantly you’re hoping she wouldn’t want to actually which is reflected, subconsciously or otherwise, in your choice of venue, you can say it’s cos Mattie’s got her dancing shoes on, which true, but it’s also cos y’all do wanna be alone]

Mattie: [it is very in character of you to dip, not just us or this gal subconsciously being cheeky, it’s cool, soz it does serve us more for them to be alone and it is shamelessly what both these girls would prefer]

Fi: [do you wanna skip to there or should we do some messages when Mattie gets the last clue and accepts her invite?]

Mattie: [let’s do some messages, why not, you’re invariably back with Dolly chilling and we’re lowkey tipsy and overexcited by these shenanigans so]

Mattie: 💌📌💃☁️

Fi: I should’ve made them harder, I can’t believe you’re done

Mattie: Just call me Marple 🔎

Mattie: your own skills are also severely limited by location

Fi: wow, not Jane? I thought we were friends

Fi: my own skills are rusty, you can say it

Mattie: I see my own future as an Aunt Mattie and I am not prepared for that 🧶🌱👩‍🦳

Mattie: I would never say that

Fi: you would never have an affair with a married man, book Marple is closer to your predicted future

Fi: but knitting and gardening are both fun, you could fare much worse

Mattie: the only married men I know are [and list off the male teachers that are and are clearly not the ones, soz huns] 

Mattie: 🤭

Fi: there’s hope for you yet, miss

Fi: and with such a long career ahead before trowels and knitting needles, who knows who you’ll meet 

Mattie: I understand why teachers were always unmarried women

Mattie: who am I going to meet when my free time is Sunday 😅

Mattie: sounds positively Victorian

Fi: Agatha Christie wouldn’t write you in a new chaplain love interest, but if I’m in charge of the narrative and location, we needn’t be limited at all

Mattie: University is the time for those sorts of adventures, we should be talking about your love interests, potential or already realised

Fi: no we shouldn’t, I’d have to curl up and die, now that’s positively Victorian

Mattie: now I thought we were friends

Fi: we are, thus I’m sparing you the tale of quite how vigorously I attempted to throw myself into that aspect of uni life

Mattie: it’s okay it’s a cliche for a reason

Fi: it’s embarrassing for a multitude of reasons 😬

Mattie: I was a little bit your teacher, then

Fi: no, I don’t care what they think of me, success story or horror show, that part of my life is over

Fi: you don’t belong in there though, and I do care

Mattie: okay, I understand

Mattie: I wouldn’t judge you though, as long as you know that

Fi: I feel stupid, for the kid in a sweet shop approach

Mattie: it’s your first taste of proper freedom, being adult about it is basically impossible

Fi: I had freedom, a lot more than most

Mattie: Lack of an audience, then

Mattie: everyone here knew you, your mother

Fi: every summer spent with my dad afforded me the luxury of the most cliche holiday romance going, had I wanted

Mattie: of course

Fi: but it’s uni that’s the culture shock, and it does feel like a culture, of throwing yourself at everyone

Mattie: if you don’t want to, you don’t have to continue like that, it calms down, most people do

Fi: thank god, a non-stop three year long speed dating event would be exhausting

Mattie: just

Mattie: don’t necessarily go the other way and think that’s automatically a better idea, you know what I mean

Fi: I won’t let you down, I’d hate to

Mattie: why would you let me down?

Fi: I know why I’m here, I’m not allowed to suddenly become boring 🧶🌱👩‍🦳

Mattie: that’s not what I meant

Mattie: I had a very serious boyfriend throughout Uni and I really shouldn’t have, for a myriad of reasons, that’s all I was thinking of

Fi: promising not to get a serious boyfriend’s an easy one

Mattie: you’re allowed to do whatever makes you happy

Mattie: make your own mistakes, even, don’t let me harp on about mine to scare you

Fi: I’m not scared of anything you want to tell me, you’re allowed too

Mattie: I’ve never really talked about him, I try not to

Fi: if you want to, I’ll only track him down and kill him as a very last resort, don’t let it put you off

Mattie: whilst I’m sure your methods would be entirely and gruesomely historically accurate 

Mattie: you’re meant to use all that free time between lectures to study, you know 😉

Fi: no one can begrudge me a field trip to a medieval torture museum, it’s the hols 📌🌎🛫

Mattie: quite right too

Mattie: he was, in hindsight, someone I wouldn’t want any of my friends to go out with

Mattie: but I didn’t realise it wasn’t a me problem at the time, that’s all

Fi: oh Mattie 

Mattie: but he’s long gone, we don’t need to worry about this

Mattie: the final straw was when I took the placement at the school

Fi: just when I thought I couldn’t be any more glad that happened

Mattie: it’s why I had to work there, not that I put that on my application, or talked about how the placement saved me in my interview

Mattie: all a bit much… but he could no longer monopolise my time, control me and where I went, it was like the spell was broken after that

Fi: I can also easily promise not to relay it to your bosses, ancient history doesn’t automatically mean I’ll become obsessed

Mattie: No one knows, only [the teacher you did your training with aka your bestie], unavoidably so as she was there through the whole mess

Fi: What about your family?

Mattie: it would be too upsetting, to think I didn’t know better, and he was always very nice in front of everyone else, doting, even

Fi: deserving of [just namedropping the most horrific medieval torture device possible]

Fi: I’m sorry you had to go through everything he put you through and come out of the other side alone

Mattie: thank you, it’s all okay now

Mattie: and I suppose it was my choice to be alone, I don’t know

Fi: choice is too hard on yourself, he must’ve made you feel like you didn’t have another

Mattie: it was shame, really

Mattie: how we were was my fault because I’d never had a proper partner before so I didn’t know how to be

Mattie: then after, well, it was shaming in another way entirely

Fi: it wasn’t your fault he took advantage of your inexperience and used it to his

Mattie: I know that now, therapists work wonders

Mattie: I promise I didn’t come into teaching entirely unhinged, whatever the kitsch coffee mugs suggest about needing a certain level of insanity to do the job

Fi: you’re the most level-headed person I know

Mattie: you wouldn’t have thought that if you met me at your age, or even the year before you did…

Mattie: people can get a little off track, at Uni, in those in-between years

Fi: had I met you then, if we were the same age, he wouldn’t have lasted long enough to do any lasting damage

Fi: I wouldn’t have allowed it

Mattie: I believe that

Mattie: you’re very strong

Mattie: not physically, though you are, obviously

Fi: stubborn, perhaps

Mattie: that too

Mattie: but strong

Fi: I’m feeling strong waves of regret about any jokes I may have made which aren’t funny in light of what you’ve shared

Mattie: don’t, you weren’t to know

Mattie: no one does, as I said, and I preferred it that way whilst I worked it all out in my head… maybe I’ll change my mind now I feel better but I still don’t think I want to make it some grand proclamation 

Mattie: change how people see me, what they think they can say

Fi: all understandable, but I’ll be here kicking myself for a while anyway

Mattie: grr

Fi: no matchmaking, tonight or ever, I refuse to put my 👠 back in it

Mattie: but you have put them back on

Fi: [not you sending her free feet pics of them back off like no no]

Mattie: 🥳 will you be drunk enough to learn more ballet later

Fi: letting you drink alone is as unforgivable as making Doll be sober alone, I wouldn’t dream of either

Mattie: I am a little drunk, it must be said

Fi: I’ll catch up at [wherever they’re going] while you’re 🩰

Mattie: will I get in in what I’m wearing?

Fi: unlike bartenders, I’ve kept fave bouncers everywhere, you’ll Chaseé ? in

Mattie: 👏

Mattie: very good

Fi: you’re a good teacher

Fi: who knew?

Mattie: please pass the message on to all relevant bosses

Fi: sadly the deadline has passed for my Christmas round-robin but I’ll see what I can do if I see any of them in the new year

Mattie: I can only imagine the details you would have included

Fi: I’ll put you on the list again now I know you want to hear from me

Mattie: as if I wouldn’t

Fi: I wasn’t certain, or I’d have reached out

Mattie: now you know 🔮

Fi: Dolly says Lulu’s been keeping you busy in my absence

Mattie: ah yes, that is true

Fi: your protectiveness makes even more sense given what happened to you

Mattie: I’m sure Lulu would think me an absolute fool for it

Fi: she thinks everyone a fool, it’s barely personal at this point

Fi: I’ve never seen someone look at their invited guest, who they chose to bring, and date, with such open disdain 

Mattie: 🤭

Mattie: at least it means I don’t have to worry about her being under his spell or anything of the sort

Fi: the reversal, maybe, but I’m not worried for him, he’s visibly old enough to look after himself 🧔🏼

Mattie: he’s [however old he is in comparison, I forget]

Fi: of course, she loves to push a boundary as far as is still considered socially acceptable

Mattie: now now

Mattie: you know he was the only age appropriate boy around

Fi: age appropriate is debatable, just because he can grow a beard doesn’t equate to his emotional maturity being high enough to deal with your sister’s, let’s call it emotional instability

Mattie: let’s not call it anything

Fi: okay, sorry, not cool of me, she’s your sister

Mattie: I know she isn’t the easiest person to relate to

Fi: and we both know I’ve made multiple attempts, but there’s no excuse to be calling her out, she doesn’t have to like me, I’m not Head Girl these days

Mattie: as you said, it isn’t personal

Fi: as I said, I’m sorry 😶

Mattie: you’re fine, I promise

Fi: you don’t want to tell me off is all, you’re too good at it

Mattie: I’m sure you could think up better ways to earn it

Fi: true, if I thought hard, something would absolutely come to me

Mattie: think think think 🤔

Fi: 🍯🐝🎈

Mattie: I love him 🥰

Fi: he’s that sort of bear, how could you not

Mattie: You’re very tigger

Fi: eventually you’re gonna have to admit defeat on me not having adhd

Mattie: omg stop it! 😆

Mattie: it sounds like I make a commission on Adderall 

Fi: you’ve shared one secret, go ahead, unburden yourself of your others

Mattie: how dare you accuse me of being a pill pusher

Mattie: I don’t even take aspirin unless the headache is very, very bad, I’ll have you know

Fi: you stop it, you’re adorable

Mattie: you’re bouncy, there should be a bouncy ball emoji, is there

Mattie: there are too many to look through these days 👩‍🦳

Fi: you’re tipsy, that’s why there’s too many to look through

Mattie: no, I’m old, maybe I need glasses, you can help me find a chic pair

Fi: you’re 22

Mattie: and you’re 19

Fi: you look the same age as me

Mattie: how was your birthday?

Fi: I don’t know, different, good and bad

Mattie: did you get a cake?

Fi: [show her the pics because really not long ago so not hard to scroll to and find, clearly not a patch on anything this gal has ever baked for you though]

Fi: I missed it not being from you 👩‍🍳

Mattie: I made so many mince pies before hols 😮‍💨

Mattie: I didn’t do stars on top though

Fi: I see what you’re doing, making me cry because you’re not my form tutor, it’s unacceptable nevertheless

Mattie: no don’t cry it’s because I’d cry if I did

Fi: I know that, it’s why I have to

Mattie: your makeup will be ruined

Fi: but I’ll be in the right place to re-do it, when I can stop 😭

Mattie: are you alone?

Fi: hopefully, or whoever’s in here with me will assume I’m very drunk and a wreck

Mattie: that can be me, if you want

Fi: I always want you around

Mattie: it would’ve been rude to not check, what with the 😭

Fi: you’ve seen it before, my last day I was an actual wreck, and in floods

Mattie: not because of me

Mattie: [the bad teacher] should be every bit ashamed as I think she is now

Fi: it isn’t really your fault

Mattie: [come in because how long does it really need to take you to get here, not long, bathroom doors are always loud so our ‘a little bit, maybe’ shouldn’t frighten you to death lol]

Fi: [‘I’m only crying a little bit’ as this girl wipes her eyes like oh hello to you, don’t mind me here actually crying because of all my feelings]

Mattie: [when she has wiped her eyes, come forward and grab her hand and give it a squeeze ‘it’s okay’ doing a little lol ‘what’s a party if no one cries, eh?’]

Fi: [doing your own little lol ‘it’s not my party’ like how ridiculous and hilarious that I’m the one crying ‘though, lord knows I would were I getting married off’ because no thank you, sounds like Noah shade again and it is lowkey but also just in general because 19]

Mattie: [‘I doubt we’ll catch the bride to be’ and pulling a face because that is clearly not who Jay is at all ‘so take your fill’ like it’s going free honey, pulling an equally GOD NO face and then loling some more because same on both counts tbh]

Fi: [catching a look at herself in the mirror and pulling her own face like ugh why me though because didn’t wanna be here doing this but we are, crying a lil bit more about the fact like great I’m this bitch now love that for me, but also loling at her GOD NO face]

Mattie: [giving her a hug because you want to but also so she doesn’t feel like you’re gawping at her whilst she cries ‘I cry all the time’ like tis true, not saying this like I’m a depressed bitch vibe we’re just an emotional sort of bean]

Fi: [‘I usually don’t but I-’ again stopping yourself saying whatever gay thing you were going to say, despite the fact this hug couldn’t be more gay how you’re returning it]

Mattie: [‘you’re stuck at a terrible party because you’re a good person?’ not us admitting how hard it sucks lol]

Fi: [shaking her head ‘I’ve honestly been to parties which ranked higher on the scale towards complete bust, you don’t need to feel like a bad sister’ because true, you definitely have, for many reasons, and also that isn’t why you’re crying and we all know it]

Mattie: [sighing like thanks but ‘I almost always do anyway’ the work you put in for the lack of pay-off, soz girly]

Fi: [‘oh Mattie’ hugging her tighter because what can you say, we all know it isn’t her fault but you don’t wanna shade her sisters again like you did earlier ‘you’re an amazing sister’ because you’ve seen it with your own eyes how hard she tries always]

Mattie: [just hug it out gals like this isn’t risky business or anything ‘you smell nice’ and sniffing the top of her head and then her neck to see if it’s more shampoo or perfume]

Fi: [gonna say it’s perfume because what else are you bringing in that big red bag, plus then you can get it out and spray it on her, how intimate and how gay, plus sniff her back because perfume smells different on different people, so you can also comment on that somehow, like oh it smells more like such and such on you vibes]

Mattie: [just doing the little twirl you do through a perfume cloud and then hugging said scent to yourself so you can fully breathe it in casually before turning back to her like now, come here, gently cleaning up any makeup that had been smudged]

Fi: [when you’d be so used to other girls doing your makeup because boarding school but it’s her so you’re just here DYING inside casually, opening your mouth to say something, but either you don’t know what to say or you’re scared of ruining this moment, so you just breathe, lowkey a sigh]

Mattie: [meanwhile we’re here not daring to breathe because so into being this intimate with you we’re afraid what we might do if we make any sort of sudden move, yet we’re still touching your lips like your lipstick needs patting into place when I doubt it’s gone that awry]

Fi: [feeling for said lipstick and handing it to her without looking down because likewise barely dare or want to move but do want to linger in this moment by letting her reapply it for us unnecessarily]

Mattie: [putting it on our lips first, without looking away from her to look in the mirror, slowly circling the entirety of both lips, slowly, pouting them out for the full effect, before gently tilting her head up towards the light to apply hers ‘so pretty’ just under our breath, casually as if it remotely is]

Fi: [thank god there is nobody in here because she’s STARING at this scene like Mattie is doing something pornographic, could not be more into it, catch this girl with her lips parted way before she even needs to do it for her own lipstick application purposes, it’s just the affect this is having on her nbd, likewise catch her blushing when she has no choice but to hear that because proximity]

Mattie: [when her reaction has you wanting to push this desperately, to do more and show her more, gently using your bodyweight to push her up onto the counter of this sink moment, as if you need her sat to do this properly ‘prettiest girl’ at the same volume but your voice is shamelessly hoarser, really doing the most you can with said lipstick to push her lips apart how you want to]

Fi: [it’s the sigh hitting completely different now for me, because DUH, not okay about any of this in the best way, literally having to bite her lip so it doesn’t turn into an even more blatant sound all together and also to give her more work to do, because again simply must prolong this]

Mattie: [without thinking, smearing this lipstick across her mouth with your fingers when she bites her lip ‘bad girl’ like she ruined it that hard but really you just wanted to and now you have even more work to do when you can concentrate]

Fi: [pressing her back so hard against the wall in a way that would have to be obvious but if she doesn’t she’ll move forward and do something even more BLATANT at what this gal just said because !! this feels like a fantasy you’ve had but you know it’s really happening because you’re not even tipsy yet, at least you can pretend you’re doing some etiquette style good girl posture to try and make this easier for her and your amends, including crossing her ankles like a lady sits, again not at all because you’re dying, nope]

Mattie: [putting the cap on this lipstick with a satisfying click because not in the mood to fix this or anything currently, folding our arms and taking a step back like we’re appraising you but obviously we’ve had similar fantasies and are taking this moment in for all its worth, taking hold of your knees and yanking your legs apart unceremoniously, which is FINE because you’re wearing trousers, standing closer to you again in the gap we’ve just created]

Fi: [getting her name out of our mouth like she did earlier before they were rudely interrupted by someone but x 100000 with how her voice obvs sounds about this, but having to close her eyes when this gal is in this close proximity to us again because CANNOT cope actually]

Mattie: [doing a little gasp at hearing your name said like that, by her, playing with the necklaces she has on, pulling them tighter and looser ‘round the back of her neck, whilst in her ear but closer than we ever were out in the party ‘tell me, Fi’]

Fi: [when you literally have goosebumps from her gasp before she’s even touched you, nbd, and are literally trying to disappear into this wall when she does so as not to make any dramatic moves ‘I can’t’ her voice catching before and as she says this, like excuse me I literally cannot, doing the most dramatic swallow as if that’ll fix how impossible speaking is]

Mattie: [tracing your finger across the goosebumps on display which is really just her neck and slightly down her chest ‘okay’ really quietly and after quite a while of doing this, creating goosebumps on goosebumps, I’m sure, before gently pulling her down via your hands around her waist and then letting her go, opening the lipstick again to rub away the mess you made and reapply, yet again]

Fi: [looking at her the most 🥺 anyone ever has while all this is occurring, lowkey trembling with the !! of not reacting any other way, until she accidentally licks her lips during this lipstick reapplication, soz and the ‘fuck’ escapes like oh no, in such a !! manner ‘excuse my language, miss’ in trying to be a bants way but this moment is too charged for that to land anything other than flirty af]

[zenaidamacrouras1]

for the writing ask: 10, 11 & 25, please? 💛

I answered 10 in another post! Just one second ago.

11. Three tropes that are fine but overrated.

Oooh complaining, my favorite, hahahaha. Umm, I like emotional competency in my characters so tropes where they've been in love for 10 years and never fucking said anything annoys the shit out of me. Get over your fucking self. Like pine for a year max and then send them a damn text. "Hey I like being your friend for sure but feel free to kiss me if you ever wanna kiss me? I feel like we could be a couple romantically but NBD either way" If your relationship can't survive that then it's a dead end anyway, and the person you have a crush on is a garbage human who is not worthy of your precious time.

Similarly when two characters with a past don't recognize each other (this doesn't just happen with Stucky, but Steve not recognizing post WS Bucky despite seeing him every day for months because he has a mustache or whatever is a common one) also strains me. Like, get your life together, character, if you want me to care about you, and also if you seriously don't recognize this person at all after X amount of interaction, did you ever really have a solid foundation?

The prompt is three, so a third is when a very, very, very basic miscommunication leads to 9,000 chapters of suffering and angst. Again, if a clarifying text of "Did you mean you hate me, or did you actually hate the scrambled eggs at brunch" can solve the whole plot, I lose all respect for the characters because life is hard, and shitty, and there are so many barriers that can fuck your shit up when you are doing your absolute fucking best, so I get annoyed when all of a character's problems are their own fault.

In case you are wondering, I am VERY annoying to watch TV with.

Like anything, when those tropes are done well they are exquisite and perfect and the best thing I've ever read and I have to lay on the floor to recover from the beauty, because when they are perfect, they are beyond perfection.

I think any trope can be done well and delight in nothing more than when a humble 'there was only one bed' uses that platform to transcend into brilliance. With anything I "don't like" it's more of a "I'm so excited to be proven wrong."

25. Is writing the whole thing beforehand better or worse than writing it as you go?

Por que no los dos?

See this is a complicated answer because I need feedback from other humans to feel like something I wrote is finished, so if I have betas and cheer readers then I can write the whole thing without posting, but I need some kind of feedback to get out of my head. On the one hand, I am writing for myself, but on the other hand, I'm posting to a public forum because I want people to read it, and the feedback during the writing process has always been huge for me.

Typically I like to be at least a few chapters ahead of where I'm posting, to allow the fic to "breathe" before calling it done. Even if a chapter or an entire fic is "done" and I wait a week or more to post it, it always gets better with that final edit.

#I am very opinionated #but I enjoy being wrong about my opinions #I have used several of the tropes I just complained about in my fics #so please don't think I'm talking about you #I think I'll find examples of the tropes I just complained about done well to prove myself wrong

[fallroute]

@ardensfides​ sent a message:

🤲- Yakumo, post Tessa nearly going into a frenzy nbd 

She’d hadn’t fed in a long time, hadn’t had a blood bead in what felt like ages. During an outing, going to go get supplies as usual, Tessa had been on the verge of a frenzy.

Their Blood Bead supply wasn’t anything to sneeze at, but it wasn’t super astounding either. They still rationed them out, making sure that the group never frenzied under any circumstances. So what had Tessa done with hers? Had she never touched them, or had given them to someone she thought needed it more than her?

Yakumo stopped, having stopped hearing Tessa’s footsteps nearby. Turning to look, he noticed something was off.

“Hey, Tess?”

This wasn’t good at all. Tessa looked like she was in pain, just like the copy of Mia’s brother. Her face had the telltale signs of her not having had any Blood Beads in a long while. Yakumo always carried a Blood Bead or two on him for missions like this. Pulling one out, he walked towards her with all the caution and care of someone nearing a dangerous beast.

If she frenzied-- if she became a Lost....

I don’t know what I’d do.

“Tess, look, I have a Blood Bead. You can have it, okay?” He said, holding it out to her... but she didn’t take it.

Instead, as his back hit the ground, the Blood Bead rolled away from him a few feet and settled. She had knocked him over, pinned him to the ground. Her eyes had turned red, but it was plainly obvious she was trying to hold herself back from fully frenzying.

He could overpower her, toss her aside and force her to drink the Blood Bead, but that wouldn’t work in this situation. No, he didn’t want to hurt her at all.

He remembered their talks, and he would be damned if he ever hurt her in any way. No, he’d stand by her side forever. No matter what. He just... wouldn’t be able to take it if she was a Lost.

“...If a Blood Bead isn’t what you want...” Yakumo held up his arm to her, offering his own blood to her.

“I-I can’t...” Tessa choked out. “Yakumo-”

“Tessa, if it’s blood you need, then you can take it from me.” Yakumo assured her. “But promise me-- promise me you’ll take the blood bead I give you in a bit and drink from it too. I...”

If you turned into a Lost, I’d probably be not far behind you.

--

It was gradual and slow. Tessa took his arm, after much back and forth between the two of them about it, and drank. He wouldn’t offer if he didn’t know how badly she needed it, but Revenant blood could only take someone so far.

Tessa had tried to pull away after a few seconds, and he’d held her head steady and had her drink a bit more. He knew that it wasn’t enough, definitely wasn’t enough for her to ease the frenzy she was nearing. His arm hurt like hell, but he ignored it in favour of just cradling Tessa in his arms.

Her hands touched his face, as if cradling it in her hands. He smiled at her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Feeling better?”

“A.. little.”

“That’s better than nothing.” He took out the second Blood Bead, holding it out to her. “Remember to drink this, alright? My blood won’t sustain you forever. And please, take better care of yourself.”

Because you’re important to me. I don’t want to lose you.

#✦;; wall of atlas { yakumo shinonome } #ardensfides #sCREAMS INTO THE NIGHT I HOPE YOU LIKE IT FRIEND!!!

[alesyira-ffn]

whoops. I've been writing for the last few days but I guess my thoughts have been very focused on best to handle the next few chapters. I actually went back and revised a small point in book 2 that never sounded quite right to me but suddenly made sense after a whole lot of thought. It's one of those small details that, unless all you've done is obsess over this world like I have been you'll probably not notice it, but in case something I post in the next chapter makes you go, "hey, wait a sec!" you can read the revision I put in place in book two, arc 4 - the rescue 10 - coming together. I've clarified the way kitsune magic works to be better delineated between human reaction and magical creature reaction because fun times. I feel like it has probably come up elsewhere but nbd right now. It's not a huge change but ever so slightly better for what I'd meant it to be.

we're moving forward before we move backward to fix any other past mistakes. ch 9 and 10 preview: some boy trouble, but maybe not in the way you're expecting :) I've added a short snip from chapter 10 to the imgur album. Strangely enough, we won't actually drop into the adventure stuff until the chapter after that. Or maybe the one after that, depending on how things break. There's a lot to cover. This story probably will not fit into a nice 90k wordcount target because I'm already at 55k and have barely scratched the surface of everything I wanted to write. o_o

I wonder if, at revise-for-original-content-true-publish-time that suddenly I'll have enough content for like, a five part series. (thinking) Time enough to worry about that later in 2021. For now, onwards!

[warmthintouches]

Me: would you want to do something on our next day off together? We could just go for a walk or something?

Him: idk it depends on if I want to drive back to town or not

Me: lol, okay

Him: the gas prices are a bitch these days

Me: yeah I suppose so, just wanted to feel worth the 10 minutes back to town but hey 🤷‍♀️

Him: ....idk what to say to that. Sometimes you're a lot bolder than I think you will be with confrontation....

Me: okay..

Him: idk what to say...

Me: I guess I should probably ask... are we just like strictly a sexual thing? Not like.. a.. hang out thing? Bc if thats the case ill stop asking you to hang out 😅 its fine either way 😏 I just wanted to know

Him: im not even sure what I fully want at this point honestly

Me: okay 👍 just thought id ask. I don't want to keep asking you to hang out when thats not what you want so I thought id ask. Still want spicy time sometime tho 😏

Him: I appreciate you just coming out and asking tho coz I don't wanna be wasting your time... but I don't think im looking for anything "dating"-like but again, idk really...

Me: its cool, im not sure i want to be like dating or anything rn either, sometimes.. idk. I just want to hang out sometimes.. but you don't have to worry about it or anything, thats why I thought id clarify bc we hadn't really talked about it. I don't want to be annoying or anything 😅

Him: its not annoying so don't worry about it lol

Me: but thats just how I am. Ill worry im annoying you until the end of time. I cant help it. But im glad we talked about it. We can just be spicy 😏 im fine with that. I might not talk to you as often tho bc I hate feeling like you don't want to talk to me...and sometimes I get that from you...again, its nbd. Im not hatin or anything.

Him: I don't dislike talking to you, im just honestly terrible at making conversation...

Me: its fine 😅 i just talk a lot and ask a lot of questions if I find the person interesting. Im glad you don't dislike talking to me tho...

Him: not at all.. like I said im terrible at coming up with topics or questions etc...hell im even bad at answering questions sometimes lol

Ne: nah, you're good 👍 you've answered all my questions sufficiently. You could ask some questions about me sometimes.. like even how my day was when I ask about yours (thats just polite) but thats not your thing 🤷‍♀️ you still cute enough to get away with it

Him: 😳 well thank you, you don't have to say that when i feel like i just hurt your feelings.. but im actually very sleepy and I think im going to go to bed.

Me: well I meant it anyway 😅 but get some sleep? Okay? Good night and sweet dreams ☺

Him: good night and no nightmares tonight, okay? 😘😘😘

Me: 🥰🥰🥰

#did i do okay? #i didnt want to seem desperate #i hate myself #produce boy #i am always trying to seem chill when i want to fucking explode

[unproduciblesmackdown]

reading posts / articles / papers / etc about being autistic/nd like, first of all every time it’s more extensive than one tweet you probably learn something new, second of all it’ll be like oh i’m used to X or matter of fact about Y or Z was never that much of a problem it’s whatever but then whenever something brings up like “experiencing XYZ sucks” it’s like damn ;m; i guess it does......

#like the academic paper stating some obviously true things in the way academic papers have to do like #''feeling lonely / socially rejected / Thwarted Belonging(tm) feels bad man'' and i'm like damb ;m; #as in a lot of times it's like Of Course; i knew that stuff sucks but then reading the simple acknowledgement of as much externally..dam ;m; #but then also there's plenty of times i Didn't ever really think of things like ''this is something that's really difficult / stressful / #sad / upsetting / etc'' b/c seemingly being used to it and it's the norm and maybe not realizing there was anything else to get unused to #and never hearing that alternate perspective outright stated from anyone else or from yourself so it's like oh right. oof ough #stuff i am generally Sigh Shrug about but then that indirect recognition like ''that sucks right'' like Sigh [Momentarily Getting Misty] ya #reading some informal articles a person wrote earlier and it was like right i'm always matter of fact abt my expectation / awareness i'm #going to be a Bit Too Much for most ppl if i'm ~being myself~ and all and then came across nigh the exact phrasing in an article abt like #difficulties (and ''tips'') re: making friends when you're an autistic adult (my main takeaway was tl;dr try to be chin up abt it personally #lol) anyways saying you know that there can be people who do not find you Too Much and/or specifically like the things other people find #offputting / not for them and i'm like ah. right.....never really approached it from that more positive angle lmfao #also learning from a separate source like oh damn an issue somewhat plaguing me throughout childhood could be associated with interoception #problems which i def have lol....out here like oh didn't notice that injury. go [??] at an internal sensation until i realize it's hunger or #go ''is this hunger?? is it vague nausea?'' until i suss out it's v mild cramps lmao....mysteries #anyways and that's like little an Indication for when i do care about something i repeatedly tell myself is nbd b/c if i don't think i can #actually do anything about it it's all like c'est la vie worry die twice what happens happens etc about it #but then it'll be like [thinking for a moment about like well how likely that the possibility of top surgery could never even be on the #horizon] like ah right i am getting teared up about that so even if dysphoria seems fairly unobtrusive it's still probably Not nbd.... #And More! things i tend to be nonchalant about internally but it's like ''hey what if this kind of 'objectively' sucks right'' and it's like #oh....right.....more embarrassing though to speak of things even in the occasional Personalesque Post's tags at 2am though lol #anyways nice to learn new things

[natalieironside]

Hey Natalie, I was wondering if you had any guides you used for self publishing? I've written like..... 2 and a half kissing books and I'm considering publishing them for fun and profit 😳 if not nbd, I am proficient in google, I just have trouble figuring out how much of that grind mentality is actually important.

I'm mostly blundering my way through this myself, but I'll give it a shot.

No matter what anybody tells you: Once you've written the book and cleaned it up for publication, the hard part's over. My sales as a self-pub author of extremely niche fiction are already way higher than I expected, and none of the work I've put into marketing has been half as much time or effort as actually creating the thang dings.

If you have the money, hire an editor. The Last Girl Scout was a self-edit (on account of I didn't and don't have the money), and while I am still very happy with it, it's nowhere near the book it could've been as a consequence--as many Goodreads reviewers will tell you.

I also recommend hiring a formatter. You can do your own formatting if you're like a nerd who knows about computers and stuff, but it's a lot of work and not everybody has that skill set. Also, like with editing, it is very very easy to overlook mistakes when it's your own work your dealing with. Here I'm gonna plug @kodyboye, who's formatted all the stuff I've sent to print and does excellent work (also fast as hell; iirc he had like 24-hour turnaround on the typescript of TLGS, which is a 600-page leviathan).

Once you've got your formatted files and cover art (which is a whole 'nother kettle of worms that I do not feel qualified to get into, I have An Associate who handles that for me), self-pub is as easy as hitting a button if you use Amazon KDP or as easy as hitting 3 or 4 more buttons if you use another service. Then you'll have a book and you'll be like "Wtf I'm an author."

(note on the above: Do not fuck w/ any service that asks you for money. Pay-to-play publishing services are 100% a scam; a publisher or publishing service asking an author to pay them is literally the same thing as your boss making you pay to come to work)

As for marketing: If you don't have the budget for paid promotions (which I don't and I'm assuming most ppl reading this don't), the best thing you can do is to Be A Person On The Internet. I'm lucky b/c I'd already developed a not-insignificant following from being a weird nerd Tumblr shitposter before I had to make a book happen, but you can speedrun that by just being generally active on your blog. In addition to whatever your regular blog content is, post samples of your work, talk about your creative process, be ready to talk about your books A Lot even on those days when it feels like nobody else is, and follow tags like #writeblr and #bookblr. (I'm also gonna tag in @thebibliosphere who is an A+ Tumblr follow and way better at this game than me)

I also very recommend joining a trade organization; I've been a member of the Horror Writers Association for a little over a year now and it's pretty great being automatically plugged into a network of other ppl in the industry.

And for broader-scope industry networking w/ people who are also very very invested in Writers Getting Paid For Their Work, I encourage (that is: beg) everybody who's even thinking about putting pen to paper to join the Freelance Journalists Union:

Hope this helps <3

#writeblr

[acerace]

Just finished watching Pete’s pov so have some random good moments from Orange17:

-first of all, Pete’s girlfriend Kara uploading a 10 gb file like 30 minutes before MCC, breaking Pete’s internet and freaking him out with Orange15 flashbacks- “I nearly just dropped out of the event chat” 

-Pete’s mom gifting 20 subs before MCC :D

-another before stream moment when Pete leaves to go to the bathroom and Grian turns to stare into chat’s soul (part one, part two, Pete’s reaction) 

-False and SB met/spoke to each other at Minevention?? 

-the group talking about Pete's sleep schedule and how he wakes up at 4 am, and Grian laughing that "not even the sun can beat Pete"

-False seeing Ren's skin and going "who invited Freddie Mercury?" in chat (bonus clip) 

-actually can we talk about how Grian spent the day of MCC17 feeding giraffes

-Pete, about Ace Race: "I was possessed" 

-the entire team absolutely refusing to let Grian talk himself down and self deprecate we love to see it 

-False and Grian’s bow synergy?? Both shooting at the same time in Sky Battle and Dodgebolt, and of course in Survival Games when False gave Grian a multishot book for his crossbow (which he then put quick charge I on as well) and Grian giving her punch II for her bow, with Grian’s multishot getting multiple hits in the final fight and False’s punch II saving Grian’s life against Fruit 

-Grian literally just following Fruit in the lava TGTTOS map and getting 11th place LMAO + bonus “11th, not too bad, yes Fruity, thank you!” and in chat “I love you fruity b” 

-False muting just as Pete asks “False, how you doing, you good?”, waiting in silence, before going “understandable” 

-All of the Vault Hunters jokes! No echo in this vault sadge 

-SB’s “I just killed a man I’m not proud about it” having the exact opposite energy from “just killed a woman, feeling good!” 

-Grian in Ace Race going "I was 5 seconds behind Philza and he's really good so I'm happy"

-False just doing her thing the entire event, getting blue vault and doing parkour like nbd, her fighting in Sky Battle and Survival Games (top 5 in SG hello???), completing build after build in Build Mart without much struggle 

-do I even need to mention Sky Battle or Build Mart, or that Dodgebolt, or Pete’s Ace Race, or SoT winning the audience takeover by 0.1% like holy cow 

-Jimmy and Grian excitedly showing off their top 10 placements to each other!!

-Grian’s experience with invisible mazes coming in major clutch in Grid Runners

-Pete and False going to DB 3 out of 3 times they’ve teamed what a duo hello?? 

-Grian doing the piston parkour first try in SoT like hello?? And the word puzzles without chat?? My streamer using his braincells?? And he did really well as sandkeeper for his first time even though he gave me mini heart attacks every time he walked out of sight from the timer </3 Sand Daddy ftw 

-Pete’s whole “Grian if YouTube and Twitch don’t work out, Fiverr, you know, a one time gong session, that could go” 

-every “HBG on top” moment <3 

-Grian and Pete looking at each other in the windows at the start of Grid Runners, Grian going “hey handsome ;)” and Pete responding “oh?” with the full eyebrow wiggle as his chat is just full of :flushed: and peepoShy

-Grian going to the bathroom during the Decision Dome, going "oh please tell me it's Build Mart- YES" just as he returns

-Pete’s chat that’s it that’s the post seriously they’re hilarious and straight up simping for Grian the entire event 

-in TGTTOS round 2 when SB was considering punching Gumi off if she made it to the end LMAO 

-In SoT, Pete running all the way back to get arrows from Grian to do the skeleton lava parkour, then going back, doing the parkour, and turning the corner to find arrows on the floor XD 

-Grian calling Fruit “his best friend in TGTTOS”

-every time Pete says something along the lines of “Grian I’m so happy for you” 

-not Orange specifically but Survival Games really was adoptee on adopter violence huh, Fruitninja annihilating Purple and then Orange killing H and Pink

-Pete’s reaction to Grian taking charge in Build Mart like seriously go watch his face 

-Pearl and Scar watching Grian's stream, and Pearl and Martyn donating for the school project <3

-Pete outdated sadDrake Tech overrated NOPERS Dre annihilated MEGALUL long have we waited PauseChamp Grian activated 

-bonus after event stuff, Fruit in chat going “I think Grian is the best player by far”, a whole bunch of people (including Bad, who wasn’t even in the event) joining the call to congratulate them, Scott telling Grian he’s not teaming with Pete and Fruit anymore and their cries of horror, Martyn reacting to Grian’s shriek of victory and their Build Mart 

-bonus x2, this clip of Martyn telling his chat he knew Pete and Grian would hit it off <3 

#long post #my posts #mcc #mcc 17 #grian #petezahhutt #falsesymmetry #fruitberries #best event #mcc appreciation