#and i could beat myself up about that but like idk maybe its okay if i can't entirely process and then produce inspired work

[nlerb]

I feel like I'm in the process of orchestrating a highly elaborate sociological experiment on myself like i have never felt as autistic as I do right now sorry. I feel like it's a 50/50 split between days where I feel kinda confident and feel like I can get started, and days where it's like idk if I can do this like I feel like a screengrab of an anime character where they're like going insane and it's super zoomed in between their eyes. I think the cognitive dissonance that happens when I am trying to work through the issues I set out to when I started in this environment where I have no support and in fact everyones actions are in fact counter to what I'm trying to do is just like too much for me to take and actually make good work. I feel like I'm doing everything completely by myself and I just can't function that way and it feels like the walls are closing in bc at the end of all this shit I have to like present to people about it and like display my work. And leading up to this I'd been putting so much stock in it as like a release valve for all the shit I was like fucking bearing witness to but there's no release it feels like it's just like building up more and more and it's about to blow dude. And within all that idek if the thesis of what I was originally trying to say is even like sound anymore. Like I'm basically trying to fucking. confront this enormous fucking problem singularly and by myself and say something prescient about it. When I knowwww the way to actually do something about it is to connect with an org and organize about it. Like when it came to going to the admin about making the studio more accessible I knew I needed more ppl behind me than just me and I asked anyway and they were like no sorry we aren't doing that. Like individually none of us are empowered to do anything about this it's about collectivity and community, that's where we have power. I think maybe in order to make this work with any sense of integrity or like weight behind it I need to actually build something collectively first or else it's just hollow. Or at the very least it's just way too fucking difficult to take on by myself. Like I feel so on edge all the fucking time I feel surrounded. Jeeeesus Christ dude. So from there it's like should I just completely switch gears and come up with something else? I feel like it's either that or leave. Or muscle through and barely show up to the studio bc the feedback loop I've created for myself at this point is just pure dread and idk if I can keep it up much longer. And part of me feels like it would be giving up to postpone this project that I really believe in in a lot of ways. But also I know it's important to know when to quit. Like it's not that I'm not good enough to do it it's that I just don't have to tools right now so I think I gotta cut my losses. And make work about like perfumes. Or some shit. like maybe I don't have to have the whole fucking world on my shoulders and there are no easy answers. But also no matter what even if I didn't make anything I think I will have gained the lesson of realizing that no matter what I gotta start actually organizing and working with ppl who are already doing the work. Like I think even though this fucking sucks and feels bad and is embarrassing right now this is actually a really fuckin important experience

#like part of me coming to this conclusion is like what the fuck am i even doing here i need to start volunteering like right fucking now. #and maybe thats ehag i should do like start while im still here why not #and like rhe only time ive felt normal in the studio and had momentum was when i was making something that had nothing ti do #with what i came here yo make work about #and i could beat myself up about that but like idk maybe its okay if i can't entirely process and then produce inspired work #about like fucking trauma that is ongoing and yet processed. like maybe i should allow myself to #process those things on my own first before like fucking laying it all out there for everyone to see #and like again its not even that im giving up ots like this just isn't the place for it. like #like i think i thought doing an artist residency was what i was supposed to be dojng and would solve all my problems #like going to a new city and shit #and like i am realizing stuff so that is great ig thats what i cane for after all was to gain perspective #also yo im sitting in the hallway typing this and the ligjts just went off ao im sitting in the dark lmfaooo #lemme get up before the like lock me in here on accident #bjc

[byhuenii]

⊱☆⊰ COFFEE STAINED SHIRT

prompt— couples truth or drink with bf gojo satoru. (WC: idk) pairing— gojo satoru x fem!reader warnings— MINORS DNI! not proofread, fluff, maybe ooc gojo, typos, suggestive, maybe more im missing. a/n— these videos get me through boring days lol, i love these and yeah MINORS DNI. gojo’s questions are in blue and yours are in purple

“ are we already recording orr… ” satoru’s blue eyes squint at the camera crew who put up their thumbs as a yes now start the video.

YN : “ hi. my name is yn ln! ”

GOJO : “ and im satoru gojo, and this is truth or drink couples edition! ”

“ how long have you two been together and how did you meet up? ”

a sly smirk rolled onto satoru’s lips causing you to groan outloud. “ well if you insist~ she actually spilled coffee on my white shirt that i gifted myself for my own birthday! and 2 1/2 years ”

“ it didnt even look expensive ”, she mumbled under her breath, a few staff giggled

GOJO : “ what? ”

YN : “ nothing anyways.ill go first! ”

a small chuckle escaped her lips, “ oh wow starting off stong. okay what is your favorite part of my body ” her eyes deadpanned to the camera “ i already know what he is gonna say, and its gonna be my ass and boobs .”

GOJO : “ wrong its your heart, i love the way it beats and brings me comfort ”

the silence was evident, gojo tried not to laugh causing little hee hee tee hee slip out. you stared at the camera blank expression.

GOJO : “ it is your boobs and ass though. ” a wide smile plastered on his face

“ have you liked any of my friends? ” satoru happily placed the card down staring beams against you, you hesitated at bit your hand rested against the cup, “ see! she only had eyes on me—“

you took a shot eyes squinting at the bitter and hot aftertaste lingering on your tongue

GOJO : “ WHAT ?? ” “ WHO?? WHAT ??? ”

YN : “ nope i took a shot im not saying shit! ”

GOJO : “ …do any of them know..? ”

YN : “ well i wanna say both of them. ”

GOJO : “ BOTH? AS IN TWO?? ”

you cleared your throat “ anyways, what were your first impressions of me ”

GOJO : “ i thought you were really cute especially when you apologized after spilling the coffee on my shirt.. ”

YN : “ is that it? ” you smiled at how sweet he thought of you

GOJO : “ …and that i wanted to fuc— “

YN : “ OKAY OKAY FUCK. NEVERMIND I ASKED. JUST GO. ” your face turned red flipping off satoru who blew you a kiss

“ what is the one thing you wouldnt change about me? ” satoru rested his head in his hand kicking his feet from under the chair

YN : “ your beautiful big blue eyes. ”

GOJO : “ i was expecting you to say like my big dick or something but awww ”

you kicked his foot under the table “ yeah i guess i love that too. ”

GOJO : “ no no you do love it, you tell me all the time ”

“ okay shut up satoru. how many people did you have sex with while we were talking? ”

GOJO : “ zero, after you spilled that coffee on my shirt i only wanted you. ”

“ whats the meanest thing you said about me to your friends? ” gojo smiled, “ it cant be that bad ”

you sighed taking a shot, debating if you should pour yourself another shot.

GOJO : “ okay im hurt ” he exclaimed dramatically,

YN : “ you may of not had sex with other girls when we were talking but you flirted with them toru. ”

GOJO : “ ..hey i said i was sorry! ” his pout was evident

“ if you could change one thing about me what would it be? ”

GOJO : “ nothing. ”

YN : “ all quick.. ”

“ me or peeta mellark? ”

YN : “ both? ”

GOJO : “ no pick thats not fair! “

YN : “ okay well you obviously! i love my boyfriend more than some fictional man.. ” you looked over at the camera ans whispered peeta mellark,

GOJO : “ HEY I SAW THAT NO NO— “

“ have you ever faked an orgasm? ”

YN : “ no. ”

GOJO : “ im just that good ladies never settle for anything lower! ” he winked at the camera

“ have you ever thought of breaking up with me or taking a break? ”

GOJO : “ honestly once i did, but that was just because my job is so demanding i didnt want you to constantly be alone waiting for me ”

“ would you of dated me STILL if i had a child with another women? ”

YN : “ oh hell yeah i would, kid no kid it dont matter to me ”

“ what is my biggest flaw? ”

YN : “ you are very cocky and some times act like nobody can touch you or you think youre alone basically. ”

GOJO : “ well..damn ”

YN : “ its okay i still love you ”

“ have you every considered having an open relationship? ”

GOJO : “ i have thought about it BUT i don’t like the idea of open relationships. whats the point of being im a relationship if you are going to date another person? it doesn’t make me feel right either.. ”

YN : “ okay good cause i would’ve killed you if you said yes. ”

“ whats the nicest thing you’ve said about me to your friends? ”

GOJO : ww had meanest so obviously we need the nicest now spill.

YN : okay well, this was when we were in our talking stage. i already knew he liked me but i was trying to figure out my feelings and he waited for me and was so supportive. i think i cried and ranted to my friends about him the next day—

GOJO : i mean nobody should pressure nobody into a relationship

YN : see ladies NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS KEEP THOSE EXPECTATIONS HIGH.

GOJO : in the wise words of taylor swift “in a world of boys hes a gentleman!”,

YN : since when did you know tswift…

GOJO : …

“ if i was a leech would you still love me? ”

GOJO : “ aww yes, id put a cute little bow on you! ”

YN : “ really? id love a glitter bow— “

GOJO : “ i would keep you on my arm ans let you suck the shit out of me— “

YN : “ okay bye this video is over. MAKE SURE LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE— ”

GOJO : “ WHAT ALREADY? I WAS JOKING WAIT PLEASE, ”

A/N: :3 gojo :3

#w.riting ‹𝟹 ‎scripts #— prim’s ☆ wildest dreams! #gojo x reader #gojo satoru #gojo satoru imagine #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x y/n #jjk gojo x reader #gojo satoru blurb #gojo satoru fluff #gojou satoru x reader #okay :3

[lynnieos]

thank you to THESE people who have supplied me with ideas (@wodimewoahtime and @the-one-that-weeps you guys are great)

SO. SOME BIG CHANGES.

will be having a "theme" for each group to make things easier on myself because coming up with an individual theme for everyone is a nightmare. These are just some ideas, and I have more ideas than others for certain groups

WxS: Myths and mystical creatures, card deck, or a marching band.

I'm iffy on the card deck idea because well. World Link. All aces. I don't wanna just steal everything from canon. But if I go through with it... Tsukasa is the joker, Rui is the king, Nene is the queen, and Emu is the Jack (I think that's what it is).

For myths and legends tsukasa would be either a pegasus or a phoenix or even a dragon, Nene would be a mermaid, Emu would be a fairy, and rui would be a wizard/alchemist.

For marching band, Emu would play the tube or trumpet, Nene would play the flute, and rui and tsukasa are the conductor and the drum player I'm not sure which one goes where. This idea is the most cohesive but idk what powers I would give them other than. Music. This idea would actually be based off of the Let Your Song Resonate Throughout the SEKAI event rather than their own event cards.

N:25: Tarot cards. Tarot cards. Tarot cards. Lower save me.

Mizuki is obviously The Reverse Hermit and Kanade is The Reversed Hanged Man, but Mafuyu and Ena are the ones i have to do on my own.

For Mafuyu I'm thinking either Reversed Empress or Reversed Hierophant. Honestly both of them could be incorporated because they represent her during different stages of her development. Maybe if there ends up being like. An evolution of ones costumes. She could look more like the Reversed Empress at the beginning and then end up looking more like Reversed Hierophant at the end. just an idea

I'm looking at Reversed Chariot or Reversed Strength Ena. BUT I'm not 100% sure these represent her character well, so if anyone has anything to say about my choice here then go for it.

MMJ: Tokyo Mew M- I mean animal magical girls. Haruka could be a penguin, shizuku a dove, airi a cat, and maybe squirrel Minori? I need help with Minori. Maybe lamb Minori. Idc that lambs are associated with kohane she's a hamster that's the end of it. Also this is def gonna take from both their DREAM PLACE and Ai No Material outfits.

ANOTHER IDEA!!! their theme could be "gemstones" and they could take from their jewelery box set. Minori is sunstone, Haruka is aquamarine, Shizuku is jade, and Airi is spinel. These gems are all just from the project sekai Jewelery Box card game I think it is?

VBS: Okay so this one is most likely gonna be the most diverse out of all of them. Their theme is seasons. Kohane is spring (because spring baby), An is summer (she just gives off those vibes + her fiery spirit, Akito is fall because of the fact that his name normally gets mistaken for "fall" (look it up its on the wiki) and toya is winter (because mirai).

Akito is going to be based on his Kashika card (I think I can do something with the red strings) An is going to be based on her Machi card, Kohane is going to be based off of her Flyer Card (ty hoc) and her Beat Eater card (big ol hammer), and toya will be based off of his mirai and maybe Valentine's Day cards. Maybe. All of them are most likely going to take elements from blender.

L/N: Times of day. Was originally going to do this with VBS, but I moved it to Leoni.

I'm not too sure about the order but for now I will say that honami is morning, saki is midday, shiho is evening, and ichika is night.

All of them are going to be taking elements from the From Tokyo set, saki especially. Honami is going also use elements from her fea card (if I find a way to incorporate it), Shiho will take from her Draw Your Bow card (idk I like the outfit) and ichika I'm undecided on but she'll either take from her Stage of SEKAI card or her Made To Order card..

That's it

#au shit #project sekai #wxs #niigo #mmj #leo need #vbs #prsk #pjsk

[vanillaheartzxx]

OH MY GOD SPOILERS ⚠️

(you probably know what the spoiler warning is for)

quinn’s stuff ahead! (spoilers)⚠️

i’m talking out of my ass and these are just my first thoughts i just wanted them down and i wanted to hear others opinions so here’s just everything (from first and second video)

first let me say i was a little bit more than overjoyed to know that quinn would be voiced by good boy audios (HE DID ABSOLUTELY SPECTACULAR) jaw dropped when i saw but in the absolute best way possible I LOVED ITTT

but i did fully believed quinn would’ve had this monotone voice (dull..?) + personality, calm but heinous. i did NOT think he would be so sadistic and vile, (up beat? like cocky, saying the most gruesome shit with a smile) like holy shit 😭

I DIDNT THINK HE’D TALK SO MUCH LITERAL SHIT EITHER

the things he said about darlin like i had to take a pause before i could keep watching, and the clock and time ticking at the end?! (and throughout the video) they probably had to spend hours in there, watching their mate and their ex talk about gruesome things that they probably never wanted sam to have to know about, just trying to help the girl.

i’m going to be honest, i thought there would be a bit mor going on, the capturing was bit anticlimactic (?), but it’s not over yet. and there’s probably something exciting still coming. (IM NOT MAD EITHER, THEY NEED PEACE IN THEIR LIVES. AND ILL BE HAPPY WITH WHATEVER HAPPENS AS LONG AS THEY ALIVE <3)

ALSO someone said he WANTED to get caught on purpose which i now believe wholeheartedly, but it obviously begs the question, WHY would he want to be captured.

the reason i think he purposely got caught was because did he REALLY just fall for the trap and get caught?? he is so old (vampire old so yk strength and ig? intelligence? wit?? idk). how did he even just GET caught? like with HIS strength? how many department members were there? and also how “happy” he sounds??

and like are they really gonna just let him rot and give him a blood forever and ever? i feel like quinn being in cage for probably eternity is just yk no real closure?(i mean sure justice) like i feel like he should just be put down, (putting it nicely) or TRY to get rehabilitated (kinda like the vega situation), but then again he’s like a master manipulator or whatever, so whatever they try to do to help probably isn’t gonna work.

and what if there is no girl and he is just trying to torture darlin, by torturing sam, with a stories about their relationship and other things they never thought would get out. (okay there probably is a girl but he’s more evil than i thought initially) and what if it’s just a trap? (and i said i didn’t like angst, i need to put these thoughts away)

and i apologize, but if i was darlin and my mate was in a room alone with my crazy ex bf who is way stronger than him, was practically torturing him by saying the most gruesome, terrible things in DETAIL, i would get fed up and just go in there. and what kind of restraints does he have in there? handcuffs? is he half fed in there?? how is he just alone with sam like sam can still get hurt. and where did david go? (ik hes busy and got his own life) maybe there’s a ward protecting sam idk.

(ALSO UHM DO U THINK THE GIRL QUINN HAS IS KAYLA GUY AND HONEY’S OLD ROOMMATE? (I LIKE THE AMANDA THEORY AND ESPECIALLY THE ALEXIS ONE, BUT JUST TAKING EXACTLY WHAT HE SAID THATS ALL I CAN THINK OF)

anyways just needed to get everything out before the next episode, sorry a lot of questions but i hope everything goes well for them 🙏

apologies for grammar mistakes/idea repetition and things just not making sense i burned myself earlier and its 4am lmao but thank you for reading 🎀💓

#i had a lot of thoughts today #redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted darlin #redacted sam #redacted david #redacted shaw pack #redacted quinn

[darkcircles4lyfe]

I always love your analysis and I was kinda curious on your thoughts on a certain topic! We know when talking about black whip going out of control, Izuku trails off and doesn’t talk about what activated it. Do you think he’s *consciously* intentionally pushing down his feelings and beating around the bush, or moreso is literally oblivious to what the true cause is? I know us bkdks tend to assume he’s being dodgy but i recently saw someone point out how he seems to actually *forget* his trauma and now I’m wondering if he really is more clueless than we think (we as an audience get to see the pattern, but every other time he’s lost control because of katsuki OTHER than black whip has been a traumatic event)

Ooooo I love this question thank you for asking. 

Since the day I saw the apology chapter, I always thought Izuku forgetting what Katsuki said to him in his sacrifice must be because of the trauma. However the blackwhip thing was a whole other scenario and I find myself asking, was that really traumatic in the same way? He lost control, he experienced a powerful flood of emotions, and then he had to bottle them up for safety’s sake. That certainly does sound a lot like the pattern of trauma. The only thing is, he doesn’t show any signs of forgetting the event, especially considering he keeps having flashbacks to Banjo’s words. So... idk. Your idea might actually be better summed up by the narration over Toga’s confession about him being oblivious to romantic feelings unless they’re spelled out. Perhaps that could extend to his own feelings as well. 

This is somewhat of a tangent to your question, but I have been wondering what Izuku’s mastery of blackwhip implies about the state of his heart. That he has accepted his emotions? Constrained them? Is he even using its full potential? The symbolism remains unclear to me and it bugs me a lot. We know he absorbed Endeavor’s advice about parallel processes and that’s it. 

Banjo clearly explained the task ahead of Izuku when he said "it’s okay to get mad. Rage can be the source.” Yet in all the training that follows, we never get to see Izuku take this into consideration at all. He focuses on restraining blackwhip completely and then slowly drawing it out. What I can guess from this is that he ignored the part of Banjo’s advice about anger and instead focused solely on control. Izuku doesn’t like his anger, and perhaps doesn’t want to accept it as a part of himself. For someone who sees themselves as deeply altruistic, anger is like a curse, a liability, a failure. I can guess this because it’s very reminiscent of him inadvertently mimicking even the parts of Katsuki he hates when he feels a drive to win. He claimed he couldn’t tell Katsuki about that either. Why?

The simplest explanation is that his anger triggers most strongly in tandem with his love for Katsuki, since blackwhip activated in response to Katsuki being insulted over a sensitive subject, and because Izuku’s image of victory is in Katsuki, explosive anger included.

But your question asks whether or not Izuku understands this and consciously chooses to avoid it, or if he’s oblivious. Honestly… I hope this doesn’t sound like a cop out, but I think it’s neither. Or, both? In a way? I think he is displaying avoidant behavior, but I want to present a more nuanced picture of what that could be like for him, internally. And I mention the whole anger thing because it’s a more obvious source of shame for him that’s in direct association with Katsuki, rather than say internationalized homophobia, which we haven’t necessarily seen evidence of. It could be that he simply doesn’t know how to express himself about this issue. When he trails off, feigns ignorance, etc, maybe he does so in response to a serious mental block that won’t allow him to tell the truth.

Anon, have you ever held onto a secret so monumental, so personal and so strong, that it physically felt too big to fit out of your mouth? Imagine spending so long pushing something down, you don’t know how to feel it anymore. Imagine wanting to pour your heart out to someone, but not being able to find the words because you can’t even bear to think about it long enough to do any real introspection. And then your habit of lying to compensate becomes so ingrained that it’s like a totally different person is speaking on your behalf, automatically.

I can very easily see how this could happen to Izuku as he has loved Katsuki his whole life, through all the pain and distance and misunderstandings. How else is a person supposed to cope with all that? This all could be the after-effects of a subtler, more constant trauma. Now Katsuki is finally truly open to him (post-apology), and he just doesn’t have the capacity to accept it, as much as he may want to. However that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to overcome. All it takes is the right push.

#I hope I explained that well it’s kinda abstract #bnha manga #bkdk #bakudeku #dkbk #dekubaku #midoriya izuku #bakugou kastuki #bnha meta #lin speaks #asks

[stonyponyofficial]

i was tagged by @cyber--grrl to list ten songs with food and or beverage in the title. thanks fer the tag :3

ill also rate how yummy each song is for fun! 😋

1. dog food - 100 gecs: mm yummy girlkibble just for me ^w^ also very yummy song. the beginning gives me goosebumps every time, and the ending vocal noise feels very eating kibblecore.... u agree right? umm 8/10

2. Chocolate Matter - Sweet Trip: if there were something out there generically called like "chocolate flavored matter" i think id eat it. also DELICIOUS song lots of variety and good texture here 9/10

3. Cream Soda no Yuutsu - ......... : ill admit im not much of a cream soda fanatic. nothing against it in fact it sounds quite yummy at the moment i just don't really have it ever. similar feelings about the song. good i just haven't listened to it much.. feels like im on a cream soda beach being soaked in the waves 7/10

4. Lean Beef Patty - JPEGMAFIA, Danny Brown: mmm yumm yummy yummy scaring the hoes for dinner AGAIN fuck yesss 🥰😻 however just a patty? in a state of being .. maybe cooked? could just be raw meat on a plate. hmmmm. while the song would be near perfect yumminess on my Violet Yumminess Scale the title brings it down a lot... ill say 6/10

5. honeydew blue - 800 Cherries: oooh double fruits on this one :3c melons besides the famous wawermelon aren't really my go-to fruit snack but id have a little if u were having some o_o and like u were making it look really good idk... oh and id have a few of those 800 cherries u have too even tho i said i didn't really like those too... also the song is what i hear when im full from a nice fruit meal. and the triannnggllleeee 😩 chews on it. it is metal. i was gonna give this song an 8 but me not liking honeydew that much should not bring it down this song is a 9/10 yumminess

6. Fresh Meat - Diet Tea Other Cola: yet again we run into the clash between song and title yumminess. fresh meat: the song's yumminess comes from dtoc's slick lyrics and how they mix like backing screams into these songs with little midi beats? i think they're an interesting artist but thats for another time. fresh meat: the food however? would maybe not be as yummy i think. 4/10 bleh!

7. Princess Lunas Glorious Grilled Cheese Sandwiches - Cats Millionaire: i would do unspeakable things to a grilled cheese rn. especially if it was one of princess lunas 😳.... isn't my favorite off fun fun fun but is still yummy in its own right! 7/10

8. Hotel Breakfast - Bladee: listen if there's a whole buffet of shitty breakfast food im there. and if there's a bladee song about it im also there. wait he missed the hotel breakfast bc he slept too late? rookie mistake. 6/10 for missing it lol

9. Stir Fry - Migos: mmmmmm im just making myself hungry now. personally id fuck up some stir fry. chunky ass noodles. little corn. shit. and this Migos song? yummy enough to back it up 8/10

10. Piggy Pie - Insane Clown Posse: hmmmm if we're talking like a pork pot pie from the freezer section yeah sure yummy as hell. however im not sure about these fellas food handling credentials or their ingredients..... song is very crunchy and record scratchy and yummy however so to balance all this. a 7/10 yumminess :3

okay here is where i use my summoning spells.... in case anyone would like to show off their yummy songs as well ^w^ u don't have to rate them that was just for me hehe.... u don't even have to make a post we can just think about yummy songs together instead! ummm okay here i goes @numetalpuppygirl @metroid-fusion @transgirlmononoke @malicious-face @toriel-vapes @a-little-bit-poss SHAZOOO spell of increase ur notification number by one

and as always thanks for w

and as always anyone can lie and say i tagged them if they wanna do yummy song game!

#violet originals #thank u for the tag again! this was fun #ive had similar ideas like this... but like what am i gonna start an ask/tag game #i do it like 'send me a word to search my music for and ill reply with music with that word in the title' #it's very easily manipulated tho like 'u should search for gec :)' right? i think it'd be more fun if it was just generic words #coffee. girl. on. sky. hand. like honestly the more general use the more fun #'this is my favorite song with the number 2 spelled out in the title!' like cmoooon that'd be fun #anyway thank u for enjoying my yummy music 😋 #and to anyone who has sent me posts to do i am DOING THRM please im just a very slow going and easily distracted girl heh

[cidthesquid]

My First Look At: Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA Mega Mix+

If anyone here has been wondering what's been eating up all my free time recently, it's been this game.. "Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA Mega Mix+" I don't know if I've mentioned this here, but my three favorite game types are actually ARPGs, Fighting Games and Rhythm games! And now I've found a really fun Rhythm game with Fashion elements!

Clearing songs, and improving your scores gets you points that you can use to unlock new outfits for the various characters, and there are a TON of choices:

Not only that, but you can even mix and match outfits and hair styles, to find something you think suits the look better.

(This changes the hair, and some face features such as makeup)

You'll have multiple accessory slots as well, and you can attach one item in each spot to further customize your look:

(Some of these are very silly, But they're fun to try out!)

I'ts really fun to try out various custom outfits when playing songs! You only get 4 'Custom slots' but for songs that have multiple singers, you'll be able to edit all of them, still only taking up a single slot.

The game only has one standard 'mode', with a few difficulty options. But you'll also have the option to practice specific parts, or you can watch a 'music video' of the song, where it plays its self with the hud removed. (show in the above gif)

As for the characters... I was never much of a miku fan before, Only hearing a few songs in other games, I never sought out her content. And while I won't break down all the characters, I will talk about my impressions of Hatsune Miku.

One game is not much to go on, but she definitely feels like one of those “Universal Appeal” characters, I'm by no means bother by that. But it just means they can't really give her any kind of personality,

On the other hand, it is nice to know that means they don't simply confine her to sticking with one style for her songs.

The game offers a wide range of Vocaloid music, each with a (swappable) lead singer.

And even though Miku's song's are mostly cute and up beat, there are a few edgier and slightly darker ones too. So I'd argue my opinion of Miku has improved overall, as before, I'd really only hear her more popular hits in 'Taiko no Tasujin', and just seeing her posted everywhere as gifs and avatars, I'm not sure if I'd call myself a 'huge Miku fan' but I am enjoying this game.

-- And, as for what character I played the most.. Well, If you've followed my content for any amount of time, You probably already know what type of characters I generally gravitate to:

It looks like Meiko is supposed to be the 'Cool Girl'/Mature Character, But much of her outfit selection feels a bit off to me:

(sorry for the small preview, it's just for reference) It looks like they wanted to give here the tomboy style personality, but they don't really have any outfits that match that, (...Okay, maybe I'm just projecting the personality I want on to her, but the But this game does not really give you a whole lot to go on..) Lots of 'cute' outfits, with only a few mature ones thrown in, (And some of the mature ones honestly feel a little generic) And then there's stuff like these, feels like the start of a good outfit, but then goes a little off the rails... (they look way too busy)

I have no problems with offering revealing outfits as an option, I've play games using some myself. But I just don't personally find these visually appealing. It really feels like they were too afraid to branch out with her outfit styles I really feel they should have given her better variety, or at least a specific style that stood out more from the rest. I'm not even sure what's going on with here 'modern' outfit (left) I feel they could have used some of the cool designs from luka (right)

But anyways, I really don't know anything about Vocaloid culture, maybe I missed the point, and this all perfectly fits Meiko's personality, IDK, (let me know in the comments) ..But I still work have preferred more options. --- Anyway, I've still been having a blast playing this game! and even though the fashion elements are fairly light, I still enjoyed them. Oh and just as a disclaimer, I was using a few QOL mods in this post, So be aware that some things (like having English subs) may be different from the vanilla game! Anyways, thanks for reading! (comments/constructive criticism is always welcome!)

#fashion game #cute #dress up game #dress up #hatsune miku #vocaloid #project diva #mega mix #steam #modded

[mojavepumpkin]

"so we beat on, like boats against the current. borne back ceaselessly into the past." (cliche, i know but i can't get over that line)

sunday, march 3rd

haven't written in a while, haven't had my computer in a while. left it home when we went to fernandina. it was a good weekend. i was on my phone more than i'd like to have been, the weather was worse than i'd have liked it to have been. still managed to walk 12ish miles, all in all. the weather wasnt so bad when it wasnt raining. cooler than normal, especially sunday. saturday was nicer, walked 9 miles. had a conversation with a man in a silly hat selling free advice. he was nice but i dont feel all that helped, i still appreciate the conversation.

i am disturbed by my lack of preparedness for this literary thing. i have no idea what's going on, what im really doing, who even is running it. oh well, it can only help me i spose. or i could embarrass myself, but i guess i shouldnt get too hung up on that.

i might be getting a new car, or should i say, old truck. which is exciting. this summer. my car is the most expensive out of all of our cars, it was originally mom's and she gave it to me. the insurance is super high, so once we pay it off (in june), we can sell it and get something thats cheaper for me. it just so happens that i have a cheap taste in cars- or trucks. anyway, i hope we'll be able to find a 1998-2011 ford ranger. a tiny little truck for lil ole me.

anyway. im considering deleting youtube. it's tough. it's definitely my most used social media, and i can say 100% that it has made me better and more informed. if you can call it social media. but its also a big "crutch". eating food? watch youtube. getting ready in the morning? watch youtube. cleaning my room? watch youtube (this one is more understandable.)

given it more thought. i will delete it as an experiment. i think i need to learn how to practice mindfulness instead of consuming content every waking moment of my life. i need a book on it, maybe. definitely.

my mind feels very busy at the moment. let me think. the tv is very loud. i feel very hot. my room is dirty. okay. breathe.

what will happen tomorrow? anything of note? not that i can think of, i might make plans. that could be nice. i like keeping myself busy. i wish i could've figured out plans with J today, but nothing materialized - i just went outside by myself. i haven't read very much. but i haven't been on my phone very much. so i guess i've been doing things. i dont have any homework due. i dont have work tomorrow. i should be happy. i need to return a book to the library, and i cant think of anything else i need to do.

tomorrow might be a good day to walk. i'll speak to some folks. i'm trying to incorporate some more southernness into my speaking voice. idk, i'd like to feel like my voice is some kind of connection to the place from which i originate. i tried so hard to get rid of it, now i dont have it all and want it back. thats life.

despite not having known him for very long or very intimately i see a lot of my grandfather in myself. he has become sort of a kindred spirit i spose, for myself. maybe i do believe in the afterlife, i can still kind of feel him. maybe thats the afterlife we get, the feeling we leave with people. even though he isnt my biological grandfather, he was the only grandfather i knew on that side of my family that i ever knew. and now is certainly the only positive father like figure there. maybe all of those parts of him that are in me now are like little shrines i've built so that he can live on. our love of johnny cash, western movies, ford rangers, and straight-edge shaving. maybe i should start fishing more seriously, honestly i've thought about it often. i'd like to go fishing with a buddy. i just need a pole and some know-how, or my friend being the know-how could work too. i love him very much now, even though he is somewhat of a stranger to me. he loved my grandma, i can see that. i read one of their letters and was moved to tears. life is something incredible.

#blog #post #girlblogging #blogger #reblog #tumblog

[somuch-4-stardust]

okay heres my ranking list of fic!tommys that i could beat in a fight I HAVENT READ ALL OF THESE JUST HEARD OF THEM and i am certified to do this bc i am a ctommy introject WITH MULTIPLE FANFICTION SOURCES so

saturdays at the diner!tommy - i would beat his ass no question

ours poetica!tommy - look maybe i have misplaced confidence here but come onnnn i could totally knock him out

sisv!tommy - i know like nothing about this fic but he sounds sad so.

ice!tommy - shut up prissy boy !!!

butterfly reign!tommy - L + ratio

pass!tommy - so this is one of my like main sources ?? i guess one i have lots of memories from. and yeah i could beat myself up

if we dont leave this town we may never make it out!tommy - okay he sounds really sad but ive never read it and also the title is intimidating so idk

the childrens rebellion!tommy- I HAVE SO MANY MIXED FEELINGS ON THIS despite never having read the fic. he also sounds very sad. we are all sad. its part of our core character we must be sad.

this is not an act of spite!tommy - i read this or most of it but i dont remember it (i think it was good tho???) BUT it was definitely a vigalante au and there for its like 50/50 chance i could beat him

no cause for concern!tommy - SAME BOAT AS TINAAOS!TOMMY

tumoasd!tommy- has the laws of crackfic on his side?? but like me too so???

nights like these!tommy - he totally couldnt beat me up but i would look at him and cry SO HARD so i think by default he would win???

osmp!tommy- i dont wanna talk about this one okay i know hes a chicken dude but like.

dsmp!tommy- he would either start crying or beat me to death and idk which

#i could beat up any royalty au !tommy and its 50/50 for vigilante aus and if its a fic w just tommy and techno i would lose . and also cry. #see ours poetica!tommy is extra sad bc i could beat him up and also he wouldnt even have sbi to beat me up as revenge #<- which is somethings most of the other tommys have #L for him ig

[giffingthingsss]

Had a three-day weekend and saw all the movies. Well, three of them. 

Mission Impossible: Would be an A+ if not for a couple things. 

Indiana Jones: I can’t really think of anything that annoyed me about it, but I watched it after MI. A few similar set pieces and MI being a better experience overall make it good but not the best thing I saw. Not really fair, but hey. 

Barbie: It had its moments. The trailer was better. 

Elaboration with spoilers:

Mission Impossible was nearly impossible to beat. However, the Russians speaking English with Russian accents and too much exposition make it not perfect. Subtitle the opening scene and trim down the poetic audience hand-holding and you’ve got the perfect summer action movie experience.

Dial of Destiny was a nice ending for Indy, imho. And I thought Ford did a very good job with it. 

It could be annoying that it always has to be Nazis, but it was okay. And as plot convenient as it is that they wound up in the same era they had been talking about all movie long, it worked for me. 

Indy able to actually witness the history he loves. The tragedy of him feeling he has nothing tying him to the present. Me actually rooting for him to stay back there so he could have some morsel of happiness, only to thankfully have my mind changed by the ending. I just thought it was bittersweet and lovely. 

Barbie. Alas, I caved to tumblr hype and funny trailers. It was a mixed bag. I chuckled a few times. I think I would have liked it better if I watched it in my living room. 

I just have to ask: do people really think this deeply about dolls? Is that a thing? That’s really weird. Then again I never had a barbie. Maybe she’s what messes people up, idk. I had a water baby. It was squishy. I liked the squishy. 

My favorite part was the ending between Barbie and the woman who created her. I’ve always said that the people who sell beauty are just average-looking schlubs trying to put their kids through college. 

You’re supposed to look at a model on a magazine cover and go, ‘oooh. pretty. I will buy it and take it home so i can longer look at the pretty.’ Not ‘I’m not as pretty as that product. I hate myself now.’ 

Yeah, 90% of people aren’t that pretty. Including the people selling you the pretty. They just bait the hook with pretty so you’ll buy it. It pays for the rest of us ugly schlubs who write the articles, who photograph, who sort mail in the mail room. The pretty is a product; it’s a mcdonald’s cheeseburger, not the basis for your self-esteem. At least it shouldn’t be. For every gorgeous actor there are fifty overweight balding dudes holding lights on their face so they can pay their mortgage. 

I also like to look at the pretty. I like complication too. I like a story. I like an interesting face. More than one type of bait works on me. 

I did like the few lovely moments of Barbie connecting with real people, of embracing the beautiful mess of real life. Thought Margot did a great job. 

In conclusion: 

If you want to watch a bittersweet send off to a beloved character, watch Dial of Destiny. If you want to be entertained, watch Dead Reckoning. If you want to sort through a complicated mess of social and political talking points and write tumblr screeds about them, watch Barbie. 

#random

[igarbagecannoteven]

okay i’ve listened to 5sos5 a handful of times now so i think i have a general vibe check in my head so! i thought i’d do a track-by-track bc that’s what the Cool Kids™ are doing and i am but another lemming rushing towards the cliff that is the trends of the 5sos side of tumblr. also this got so fucking long so if you read the whole thing you get as many gold stars as you want lol

Easy For You To Say: this is the song that stayed stuck in my head after I listened to the whole album. It’s incredibly catchy and has heaps of good lyrics! Admittedly I don’t really follow the entire narrative but I think that’s more of a me thing than a reflection of the lyrical content. (and i do get most of it! there’s just a few threads i have yet to tie together.) i love the play on words that is “a piece of peace of mind”. sonically it has me bopping my head to the beat basically the whole way through! I think it’s in a good location in terms of the album as a whole

COMPLETE MESS: definitely a single for a reason! it’s one you can shout-sing along to which is always a plus i like the rushing sound leading into the chorus/other different moments, and lyrics-wise i love that it can be read as platonic or romantic love :)) that’s how you know they’re catering to me. also! michael’s part! the way it changes the tonality/meaning and the way you can hear him smiling as he’s singing!! and of course the fact that all of them sing on it!!! we love to see it! my main con is that it’s pretty repetitive lyrically but still i won’t hold it against them. this song makes me want to write a fic that would fit the title “you make me (a) complete (mess)” so badly but alas i have yet to come up with a plot to match its energy

Bad Omens: i LOVE the way this song plays with leaving the “else” off the phrase “you love somebody else” it’s soooo narratively interesting and i would love to see an angsty unhappy ending songfic that utilizes this concept (if anyone wants to write it *eyes emoji*) i like the way it loops very nicely (it fades in and out in the same way which is satisfying) (and possibly a metaphor for the futility of the relationship? but maybe i’m reading into things too much lol) the line “I should have known right there and then you were a runaway” feels like a very 80s lyric (and not just bc it reminds me of runaway by bon jovi lol) i will say i am not as in love with it as everyone else seems to be (idk why it’s the big hit out of the non-singles?) but it’s not bc it’s bad, it’s just probably not going to have me obsess over it

Take My Hand (Joshua Tree Version): if any song deserves to be called vibey it’s this one. i think the musicality and the lyrics really work well together in this song, especially for the verses. there’s an almost melancholy feeling to it and now that i’ve listened to it several times it’s started to resonate with me more and more. like a lot of the songs on the album i’m not sure how often i’ll go out of my way to listen to it, but that’s more bc this album isn’t necessarily in my go-to genre than a measure of the song's individual worth. i feel conflicted about the extension to the song, bc on the one hand behind the scenes-type stuff! the voice note vibes make me soft! But idk if it actually adds anything to the song on its own,, like if i didn’t love the band i don’t think it’d really do too much for me. also what is he saying the background! it doesn’t sound like all the same lyrics! let me hear it!!! omg i forgot to mention the “few more souls on the bus now” line it’s just *chef’s kiss* no notes nearly made me cry when i heard that bit live ngl

Me Myself & I: another banger of a single (that is a bit too repetitive for its own good) it’s catchy it’s fun to sing along to and i honestly don’t have much else to say about it lol

CAROUSEL: the first time i listened to this all I could hear for the first,, minute? at least? was a taylor swift 1989 lost track and i have yet to totally shake that off lol. (see what i did there?) driving metaphors!!!! there is a tiny part of me that’s reminded of u2’s city of blinding lights during the chorus (which is a compliment btw) but that’s just bc i’ve listened to that song way to many times lol. it’s a good song, but i honestly have very few opinions about it other than why is it capitalized?? is it tied to the other capitalized songs somehow??? 5sos tell me what your thought process is!!!

Older: skip! sorry y’all it’s just not my vibe i rarely like piano ballads as it is and i just think that it has several places where they *could* have done something cool and then didn’t. i will say seeing the performance of it in the tofu live show did melt my frosty heart but not enough for me to add this one to my liked songs.

HAZE: idk why it’s titled what it is but it’s a bop! I love the way the vocals swap off; it’s done quite cleverly imo and i think it shows the different strengths of each of their lyrical styles well (if i’m right that the vocals match some of the writing credits) it’s vibey it makes me want to stick my arms and pretend i’m cruising :)) also thematically it’s a little like a dog waiting impatiently by the door bc their person is out and about which i love

You Don’t Go To Parties: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the cashton vocals!!!! the bass!!!! the car metaphor!!!! also the repetition of the number five anyone?? clearly they’re 555sos fans /j also they’re totally referencing the maine in the second verse right guys? guys? but in all seriousness i love how visual the storytelling is! the lyric “racehorse trippin' on the dirt that you got on me” is very !!! especially bc the beat for the verses almost “trips” over itself (although maybe that’s just me reading into things lol) also i am very happy that my opposite vibe-check wish/comment that i made way back when they first dropped the titled kinda came true bc it’s def more of a banger than people were predicting :)) we love to see it. i am ignoring the fact that the title is capitalized incorrectly but telepathically i’m telling them to put their song titles through that capitalization checker next album

BLENDER: !!!!!!!! banger of my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is def my favorite of the singles it’s just *such* a bop i will never listen to this song without remembering bouncing around in the very tiny cabin i was quarantined in at the time this song dropped and honestly i don’t hate it! this song makes me smile every time i hear it i love the line “ricocheting off the bed” even though i’m honestly not sure i’m interpreting it right i love the bassline i love how danceable it is!! i don’t have anything coherent to say lol it’s a bop idk what more you could ask for

Caramel: i don’t have the vocabulary to talk about the instrumentals in this song but it’s a vibe! it’s a song that demands you move your shoulders and i’m lowkey here for it. the harmonies are tasty the chorus is catchy the bridge is mmmmmmmmmmmmmm i’m fascinated by the choices made in the outro but in a positive way? altho i could take or leave the acoustic bit tbh. in a less positive note, we all agree that the only reason it’s named caramel is bc there aren’t a lot of songs named that and they wanted a certain number of one word titles, right? bc unless there’s some deep meaning i’m missing there’s no reason for that to be the title (that being said i’d love to for there to be a secret meaning please tell me 5sos i want the secret caramel knowledge) the other negative of this song is that it’s inevitably going to start a debate over the right way to say caramel (which isn’t the way they say it in the song fyi)

Best Friends: when i first started listening to the album i took a moment to accept the fact that this song could be a love song and that i’d be okay with it and then it was a friendship song and i got to breath a sigh of relief lol. the chorus is wonderful to shout with your bff (this has been tested 😊) it captures this younger feeling compared to the other songs on the album and i vibe with it! the line “life is like a poem written on a bathroom wall” is *such* a good lyric and conjures up such specific images! it’s a banger it’s a song to bounce along to i could see it in a jukebox musical as like the happy triumphant near-the-end song

Bleach: talk about a mood shift! (i think this is the song that reminded me of maisie peters? i’m pretty sure) i love the swapping of the vocals, it does something different in this song than in the previous songs which is fascinating to me! i love the line “everything i was spinning down the drain” it’s just. yeah. it’s a good quiet song for the album; it fits in well and is a good breath in if that makes sense

Red Line: a train song!!! i can’t wait to listen to this on my next train ride y’all don’t even know. it’s got vibes and a cool concept. that being said it’s not a huge standout song on the album, but not through any particular fault of its own; i don’t think it’s going to be one i listen to a ton (other than on public transport lol) i do like how the standard version closes out with the train door sound, it’s fun!

Moodswings: i love how the song makes me sway in play (you could say that i’m almost swinging) (get it? it’s a play on-[gunshot]) i would love to see an apocalyptic take on this song tbh (“through bloodshot eyes the sky is fallin’” anyone?) i think it’d make a deliciously angsty songfic! also love the self-destructive and codependent nature of the lyrics i just think that they portray it well!

Flatline: a bop! it’s a great “first love” love song it’s catchy it’s got some slightly strange lyrical undertones in the pre-chorus that i would love for someone smarter than me to analyze bc otherwise i’m going to coming up with a truly unhinged explanation (and that is a threat) i can def see why it’s a bonus song but still good!

Emotions: i want a proper rock cover of this song so fucking bad please i would pay real people money for it i think i deserve it!! michael’s voice is, of course, *chef’s kiss* i do wish the lyrics weren’t so,, broad? if that makes sense? i think the bridge threw me off lyrically the first time i listened to it bc i was like ‘yeah i get this feeling’ and then the bridge was just. not relatable lol but that’s a me thing (and now part of me’s like ‘are there some sarcastic undertones?’ bc i’m here for it if they are) but yeah i don’t really know how i feel about this song yet i think if i get my hard rock cover then it could be my next favorite song but until then it’s just a sort of vibe ig

Bloodhound: swapping vocals to change the narrative!!!! we love to see it!!!! very tasty bassline the beginning of the chorus makes me giggle a little it’s a funky beat i’d love for it to get a cheesy halloween themed music video the bridge makes me wish i could step dance (is that the right phrasing?) everyone who’s said michael singing “he took an L” is perfect is so correct i am mind melding with you

TEARS!: this songggggggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you may call me predictable for saying this is one of my favorites but come on. how i could not love this song??? once again the cashton vocals coming in clutch i mean this really is a song for the rhythm section in all the ways! the line “i’ll feel better if i let myself sink deeper” is really going straight for my jugular and i am 100% here for it. it’s such a good exploration of these kinds of depressive states and i just!! hrghhhhhhh also their voices on the last “alive” in each chorus????? SO fuckin tasty i want to eat that one note. the bridge reminds me strongly of something but i can’t think of what it is :(( also ashton’s voice on “fifty rounds of uppercuts i’m bleeding”???? i am going to throw myself into a pit. i understand why they made it a bonus song from a stylistic standpoint but also why. it deserves to be on the main tracklist. it’s got a great mixture of the style of superbloom but make it 5sos and i love that for it! my only complaint is the title like. wtf guys. like yes that is what it sounds like when it’s said in the song but that doesn’t make it title material! but that’s okay i forgive them since it’s such a banger <3

#i wish i'm joking when i say this is longer than the majority of my fics on ao3 lol #sheesh i really to ramble lol #5sos5 #track by track #the trash talks #this might be incomprehensible who knows

[chasing-rabbits]

Had a really good day. We went into town to get some stuff we needed for the house and to take some jogging bottoms to a local clothing alteration/repair place cos they are one of Kade’s favourites and plus it was surprisingly a lot cheaper than I thought it would be.

We then went to get some food at a lounge/bar by the river, we came home and watched the first episode of black sails which btw is really good I know I’ve only seen the first episode but I think I’m gonna really enjoy it. I chilled for a bit and then took a nap and I woke up feeling good because for once I actually did just nap and not wake up like 6 hours later thinking wtf. But like idk it’s almost 1am and it’s not that I’m feeling down down its more just frustrated with where I’m at in life right now like our financial situation and where I am like I’m gonna be 30 next year and I just wanna be off benefits and earning a living really bad. I want to set up and run my own business and be able to make a living from it a comfortable one where I don’t worry about paying the bills and I want to prove it to myself I guess as well that I can do that. I can function and hold down a job even if it’s not a conventional 9-5 which I don’t think I could ever work with everything wrong with me. But I want to show everyone and most importantly myself that I’m capable of it. That I’m not forever going to be reliant on someone else or the government. And I know like okay people who do work switch up careers go back to school in their 30s or 40s my mum’s cousin she did that and retrained to be a midwife and I think that was in her 30s maybe 40s. But I don’t know I guess sometimes I’m maybe a bit too critical of myself and where I’m at and the expectations and goals I’ve put on myself are maybe a bit unfair to me given my mental health and all the things I’ve gone through up to this point you know but it doesn’t mean my brain doesn’t beat me up and tell me I should be further along and not because of societies expectations even but my own.

#erin rambles #erin talks #prsnl #had a really good day gonna try not let it get turned into a bad one #which it isn’t yet like I’m feeling a little frustration right now but if I can channel that energy into something more positive then I can #Stop it from spiralling into a bad day #Easier said than done though

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] GOOD EVENING BESTIE!!!! CHEERING U ON!!!! although itll take another few days weeks months for u to finish the fic its totally understandable why it takes that long like!! even as an artist, working on a supposed 4 hr art can take Weeks without that energy. it could be me who doesnt write tho but id always think writers have it hardest to do all the brain connecting the Thinking the Gears Moving in their head to figure out every scene every dialog every word that fits to get a perfect imagery of sumn and i respect dat... i respect yew!!!! SO DO UR BEST ALYYYYYY ILYSM YOURE DOING SO GREAT WITH UR CURRENT WORDCOUNT ALREADY 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💖💞💞💕💓💖💓💕💓💖💓💓💓💖💓💕💓💖💓💖💓💓💖💞💕💞💖💓💖💓💖💓 ONTO THE NEXT FEW THOUSAND UR SO CLOSE 👊👊👊👊 BEATS THE BURNOUT BEATS EVERYTHING THAT STOPS U FROM WRITING AND BEING THE BESTEST 👊👊👊💥💥👊💥💥💥👊💥💥💥

NO BC LIKE AS SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T DO ART. i will never ever ever understand how u guys do it. anyone can picture things in their mind to some degree but how in the everloving FUCK do you make that picture REAL>?????????????? proportions shading colors how the FUCK do you do the little glowy thing how do you make it Look Right how do you make it Look Good like. ive been doing creative writing in various ways to various degrees for over a decade now and i am still So Very Mediocre i STILL couldnt explain to you how i do it or how it happens and im sure if i had that same experience with art itd be different but. i do Not have that experience with art. so instead i stare at said art and go Hey Genuinely How The Hell Did You Do That and love it with all my heart

i dont even understand how other writers write like wdym you have a PLOT you have PACING you have proper balance between characters pertaining to who you want to focus on the most/least what do you MEANNNNNN you found the most gorgeous words and turns of phrase to make something sound Exactly write or get an Exact image into someones head like. HELLO ????????????????

dorry that got away from me i may be okay at writing but i am SO very fucking good at rambling every time without fail amen <3

anyways more importnatly GOOD EVENING I LOVE U SO SO SO FUCKING BAD I SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY WENT 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 & then powercry emoji x2345987345 like man. MAN.

onto the next few thousand 😁😁😁 <- words of someone who would KILL to be able to accomplish this tone and such in So Many Fewer Words but who does Not Know How To Do That so ten hundred billion words it is 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

THANK U FOR BEATING UP THE BURNOUT I RLY NEED IT like its barely gotten in the way yet ive taken enough breaks given myself enough time it is just SO FRUSTRATINGGGGGGGGGGG knowing that i need those breaks and need that time like why am i not allowed to just be the specialest person in the whole wide world who never burns out ever hm? hmmm? do i not deserve it have i not suffered enough

not to be soooo silly but i genuinely cannot express how much it means to me and how much it has meant to me from the very first little comment that you just. IDK IDK IDK. you care so much and you're so fucking NICE about it and so passionate about it and EVERY single time we ramble about ANYTHING it inspires and pushes me so much and i love love love talking to you and like. u simply did not need/do not need to be constantly so fucking sweet and encouraging and wonderful about everything all the time ever but then you Are and then i die and and and <- maybe its a good thing i didnt try forcing myself to write too much this morning if this is the way im wording things today 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 idk it is just. ily so bad and i am so so happy and grateful every time i see u in my silly little inbox and to this day i owe u my Life for the thoughts that u have brought to my silly little brain and

yeha. yeah. yeah. Yeah. explodes into a billion pieces

#parasocial bestie tag #DORRYYYYYYYY MY BRAIN IS SO FRIED RN IDEK WHY :SOB: <- girl who has written so many thousand words the past week

[midnightmisadventures]

Ive had so many fun dreams lately but for some reason i’m coming to write about the scary ones

Um been having nightmares. Last night and today. And they feel really heavy, but important. And frankly i do hate them. Please no more nightmares. But maybe if i write about them i’ll prove to spirit that im listening and then they’ll stop 

First Dream: 

Last night i had a dream where the fam of 5 was traveling, driving road trip vibes probably to florida. We were all together packing the car and idk how but all of a sudden erikka was missing. And we knew immediately there was foul play. We were in a sketchy area ad there were cars going in and out and we were afraid she was kidknapped for trafficking. It was so anxiety inducing, and i tried to keep praying and have a positive attitude that she was strong, she would find a way out, she would show make it home. I kept hoping she would show up any minute. But as hours past i kept getting more worried that i’d never see her again, that something terrible happened. And i was crying and and already grieving. In this dreamverse apparently something similar had happened to dalvin a while back. And erikka used some sort of manifestation power to bring him home safely. So i felt like absolutely garbage that i couldnt do the same for her, i was beating myself up. I kept saying “im supposed to be good at this, i feel useless” 

Next Dream: 

This one was so so very odd. Basically we were at chip and it was the anniversary of this well known historical environmental event. And it happened near the west end fairgrounds or something. So there was a lot of hype and press in our area during this.... 100th anniversary or something like that. I don’t really remember, but there were 10 guys all brothers and they won a contest? or something? from someone in....ohio or some random state. Back in the early 1900s. Anyway, an almost catastrophic event was witnessed by a bunch of people. A huge asteroid hurdled towards earth and grazed the side of it (near west end fairgrounds) and chipped a piece of land. It was marvelous that only a few inches kept it from hitting earth directly and splitting the earth in half. Or doing dinosaur level damage or something else crazy. It couldve killed a ton of people or been an end to humanity. So whatever....a hundred years later or so, they were able to do a super techy demonstration and show what almost happened and what didnt happen through like a hologram projector and the whole town watched and it was really snowy outside and i wasnt wearing pants. It was just trippy to think about how something like that could happen at any moment and kill us. For some reason i made the comment “it always scared me that the fact that an asteroid hasnt hit earth with humans on it is completely by chance and hasnt happened yet which means odds are it WILL happen soon. But i always forget about THIS historic moment, which makes me feel safer in that something technically DID happen” 

Final Dream: 

Okay so again, at chip present day. And i wake up with a bunch of messages from people from high school saying to call....our class prez. Which was so odd, ive never had a personal relationship with him. But everyone was blowing up all socials and talking about something crazy that happened. His twin sister reached out to me and said to call him. Like PV social media was going bonkers!! So i was busy all day, it was always ET’s birthday maybe for a date reference? And the more i ignored it, the more people hit my line. Even claire, messaged me by the end of the day saying “call class prez he’s really not doing well” and i was like WOAH. Cause that means people wanted me to call him so bad that they had reached out to my friends who didnt even go to pv to get my attention. I told erikka “idk why they want me, is it because im good at saying calming words” and she said idk it seemed more specific like he wants to “apologize.” SO then im like what?? By time i call him its 1:03am. But he answered and apparently. A couple of kids from our grad class passed away and class prez was really emotional about it. I remember one being Austin H. And he was so sad and unstable that he made a comment online saying something along the lines of “this is worse than gilaine maxwell creating slave camps for black people” ???? Bro i have no idea. 

So class prez gets ALOT of flack for this comment. I mean its career ruining, he’s getting death threats. So maybe he wanted individual calls from black peers to hear their genuine opinion? So we’re on the phone and he’s profusely apologizing, saying what he said was unacceptable. He said “im sure youve heard my ghislane maxwell comment” i said no...havent got the chance. So he plays me a historic video about supposedly the “actual history” of these slave camps he was referencing. The video had this eerie 1900s black racist cartoon vibe that makes my blood curl. It was about these talented black people being condemmed and found guilty for things they didnt do. The evidence was so blatantly there and still everyone convicted them and sent them to be tortured and die at these camps. It was EXTREMELY unsetteling to watch and to be watching with class prez. Also in the dream, it felt inescabable and scary and for a little it felt like i was there. Like it was playing in my chip bedroom but i went top bunk and i could feel the sticks they were beating the black people with. It felt soooooo evil and sinister, and seriously idk what ancestors are communicating with me via dreams or what they want because this was DARK. So then class prez is asking for my take, and why it matters, and why its bad. And im saying he obvious stuff. The videos message was basically like “it didnt matter if black people were educated, doctors, laywers, scientists, hey were gonna slaughter and torture us anyway” so i didnt know if the vibe was like “be greatful that black people are allowed to have careers?? or get vengeance on white people....it was just so intense. 

So when the video was over and i got off the call, i was so uncomfortable and unsettled. Felt like i had waken up from a nightmare or finished a scary movie. So i desperately tried to turn all the lights back on but ofc it was a dream so everything was dim. Still didnt catch it though. I tried finding my parents for comfort. 

Awful right? No more nightmares 

[hideyseek]

11.27.2022

ITS DONE AHAHAHAA GOD ITS DONE!!

the NUMBER OF TIMES i had to stop and set my laptop down during this writing session just to tell myself OF COURSE THE READING EXPERIENCE IS JUST OKAY. OF COURSE THERE IS NO PACING AND TENSION. THE STORY DOESNT FUCKING EXIST YET and i simply DO NOT HAVE THE SKILLS TO WEAVE IN PACING AND TENSION WHEN I AM DOING A ROUGH DRAFT which is a NORMAL FUCKING EXPERIENCE TO HAVE JESUS CHRIST. LOL!

ok putting the rest under a readmore bc it suddenly occurs to me that these are really fucking long lol sorry guys

WHEW i will say the main thing i learned from this experience is that word count really doesn’t do it for me. having a roughly 250 wordcount expectation each time i sit down is helpful, but reaching a total wordcount is not nearly as much a feeling of accomplishment for me as i expected / as i think “drafting a full arc” might be. but also!!! it is NOT BAD to gently train myself to recognize and accept markers of progress that are not just “a completed and perfect longfic” bc hello i would only get one milestone at the end and would that sustain me? no!!!!!!! lol i accept that i must constantly fight my brain’s tendency toward perfectionism in every aspect of my life but god its annoying in this one

but it’s DONE and somehow with 150 words to go i suddenly sat down and drafted two full scenes??? well. whatever it’ll be useful. i’m remembering why the birthday party scene isn’t part of the first draft and it is because oh my god i sure do try to shove five or six different plot-relevant scenes into the span of what is probably a two hour event lol. WHATEVER IT IS FINE. I WILL MOVE THEM AROUND TO A LESS INSANE ORGANIZATION IN REVISIONS. WHICH I AM NOT AT YET. BC I AM DRAFTING. GOD.

but yeah if i could just GENTLY ENCOURAGE MYSELF TO ACCEPT that the first draft WILL BE ALL OVER THE PLACE PACING-WISE EVEN THOUGH I AM WORKING WITH A PRETTY DETAILED OUTLINE because IT IS A FIRST FUCKING DRAFT AND IT IS ACCOMPLISHING WHAT THE FIRST DRAFT NEEDS TO DO WHICH IS GODDAMN EXIST ONLY. anything else like characterization or coming up with a plot point or figuring out beats of a character arc or identifying a location for something IS ALL FUCKING BONUSES!!! hidey its BONUSES!!!!

godddddddddddddddd. anyway this is like. completely stream of consciousness this is just how i fucking think btw if u were curious. possibly this is also what the experience of talking to me is like but i wouldnt know

ANYWAY this has been exciting. i was kinda fucking going through it irl this month so only ended up writing maybe half the days? but it’s really encouraging to still have hit my wordcount goal and even if i don’t remember anything i wrote, at least to know the writing exists! i can’t revise nothing after all!!!

ok i am CLOSING THE DOC bc i am FORBIDDEN FROM FUCKING WITH IT but i DID read TWO SENTENCES that seemed like genuinely interesting and functional sentences that conveyed events happening! hurrah! what the fuck is even metrics for good writing? who KNOWS! ok no more looking at the doc however i CAN OPEN A NEW DOC for DECEMBER DRAFTING MATERIAL bc this month by month thing seems GENUINELY DOABLE!!!! GENUINELY SO.

WOW what a relief to have figured this out! of course it might not last which is totally fine but like FOR NOW IT SEEMS DOABLE. AND THEN WE WILL SEE!!!

i definitely leaned a lot into just uh, supplying haiji my direct internal dialogue for several of the scenes from today. what is a scene who FUCKING KNOWS i am just calling it a scene WHO KNOWS OK WHATEVER. french scenes if its a new guy its a new scene WHO KNOWS ok! and i definitely have been leaning A LOT into “telling so goddamn much about haiji’s internal state rather than just showing it” bc i have NO IDEA HOW TO FIGURE OUT THAT BALANCE. how is the reader experiencing it i wonder!! IDK BUT I WILL JUST WAIT AND READ IT OVER AND THAT WILL SOLVE MY PROBLEM GRRR genuinely this advice helpfully stops my brain in its tracks so consistently

ok!!!! yes! its done!!! it is done! i will worry about pacing and foreshadowing and consistent motifs and metaphors and imagery and canonical characterization and ALL THAT STUFF LATER which is NORMAL AND FINE bc those are THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT IN REVISION ANYWAY. first draft just needs to EXIST!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT KIND OF DOES!!

i do think i will want to do a few more things: set up a longer doc to collect all this draft material in order as i create it month by month (reminding myself the goal is semi-consistency and NOT setting a really high bar i cannot meet! 7k mercifully seems to have been a good estimate and yes my brain does want to be a stupid gremlin and say i should shoot for 10k but NO once again we are looking for CONSISTENCY which means it needs to be DOABLE WITHOUT RUINING MY LIFE!), i think i want to organize that doc / my draft material in general by “arc” lol whatever that means, and also paste in the rest of the scenes… actually i wonder if a notion doc would be better NO NO NO MORE FUCKING PLATFORMS GODDAMN JUST GSUITE FOR NOW. lol ok so maybe a doc for the “pre-aotake” section, one for “the bit between that and the birthday party” (?? this section is SUPER LOOSE IN MY MIND), one for “birthday party” if only bc that has like seven scenes in it. lol god i wish there was git diff for google docs …… i KNOW i have a few different versions of a couple scenes and it would be really useful if i could stash them somehow next to each other… OK nevermind just ONE DOC to fit everything together, its not long enough to break google docs yet, i don’t need to make arbitrary buckets when i haven’t even looked at the material. i can trust that the buckets WILL COME and become sharper and more clear in my head over time!

IT IS OKAY FOR ME TO BE IN THE TREES AND NOT LOOKING AT THE FOREST RIGHT NOW SO TO SPEAK. THAT IS WHAT DRAFTING FUCKING IS! aaaaargh!!!

ok i actually think next month i want to have 5k as my goal bc holiday obligations PLUS i will be writing for inception secret saito (!!!!) and relearning how my revision process works at a smaller scale so that will take some time. yeah that seems good!!

ok! and YES i feel like i could keep working THIS IS THE PLACE TO STOP. AND ALSO THE FEELING TO STOP ON. i need to practice NOT DIGGING MYSELF INTO A PIT JUST TO FEEL LIKE I “ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING” there are already things that got done!!! if i end eager to keep working that will possibly carry over into my next session and make everything pleasant and energetic instead of a big fucking drag!!!!

ok GOODBYE this is the longest fucking update in the whole wide world im gonna have to go on desktop to add a read more. if u are still reading here hi mwah i love and appreciate you lets be friends

#hidey does nano 2022 #WAHEY ITS FUCKING DONE

[vquacki]

You are Mine pt.2

You are mine pt.2 

Izana x Reader

This is timeskip Izana 

Warning ⚠︎︎ : Mature content, harassment,  MINORS DNI

Note : I'm glad you all enjoyed it! I hope pt 2 meets your expectations! Feel free to request anything in my inbox! Besides smuts LMAO, idk how to write those 0-0.

Pt.1 ☞︎ ♡︎

“You didn't hear me doll?” Izana raised a brow at her flustered face. His hand moving up to rest on his hip, the majority of his weight leaning on one leg. 

Izana’s other hand moving up to cover the visible smirk plastered on his face. “How many times should I repeat myself?” he teased as he peered down at her. 

“What does that even mean..” she looked up at him through her eyelashes, her phone clutched in between her fingers. A roll of his eyes could be seen on his half covered face, His fingers ushered her to come closer. A feeling of hesitance overcame the girl, the space between the two already small when she hung onto the man's sleeve. With a small step she came a tiny bit closer. 

He shook his head, the disapproval evident on his features. “A little closer honey” he cooed. Butterflies spread throughout her body like fireworks. Her brain knew this wasn't okay but her heart was telling her otherwise. With all the energy her chest could muster she took one more stride forward. Her face practically made contact with his chest. She could feel his violet eyes digging into the top of her head.

Slowly bending down to the girl's height, his lips brushed over the shell of her ear. Sending the hairs on the back of her neck to stand tall. “Since you're having a hard time understanding, i'll spell it out for you okay?” his voice just barely above a whisper. His hot breath grazing against her ear, shooting a shiver down her spine. 

“Whenever you're in trouble, I'll protect you.” his hand trailing its way up her back.

“Whenever you're lonely, i'll keep you company” his fingertips tracing random patterns on her shoulder.

“Whenever you're feeling sad, I'll cheer you up” she could feel her heart skip a beat everytime he gave her a reason, but it wasn't like she had a choice regardless. 

And with that he took a step back, his arms resting at his sides. “Text me okay?” Izana’s head tilted a little as he smiled for the last time that night. “I'll be waiting for you” Izana waved, his back facing the girl as he continued to walk to the next parking lot over. 

That exact memory lingering in her head. It had been weeks since that encounter with him. The nameless man with hanafuda earrings. She had never once dared to text the number, thinking about all the possibilities that could happen if she did. 

She never did notice the eyes observing her throughout the week, watching her every move. 

She shrugged as she tried to push aside her thoughts, reaching inside her closet to pull out anything that would match the attire for ‘clubbing”. Earlier that day her friends had called her out to party with them that night, the same friends that invited her the night the old geezer harassed her in the club's alleyway. 

Of course, wanting to fit in she accepted the invitation. But the fear of getting strained pushed her to want to stay home and maybe watch a movie while she ate her favorite snacks with the moonlight peeking through her curtains. 

Fixing up her makeup, she slipped on her heels. Twisting the doorknob to be met with the night time breeze brushing against her exposed skin. Her cab already waiting for her beyond her apartment gates. 

Upon her arrival, she noticed the flickering lights springed across the club and its surrounding buildings. Walking across the street from where her cab had left her, she steadily paced herself on the sidewalk, the entrance to the club visible. 

But before she could barely reach the door a motorcycle speeded past her, the rain from the morning splashing onto her figure. Ruining the outfit she had worn along with the hair she had prepped. A few gasps and giggles could be heard from the people standing outside the club. 

Whispering erupted as she felt heat rushing to her face, that was the last straw for her before deciding to head back home. Eagerly pulling out her phone, the girl sent a quick text to her friends, putting in a raincheck for their little hangout. 

Her cab had long been gone. She walked throughout the empty streets soaked in dirty rain water. Her hair still dripping wet, her eyes threatening to spill tears from the embarrassment she had just been put through. 

Bad things always seem to happen whenever she just wanted to enjoy herself. 

Right on cue, a tall hoodlum approached her, accompanied by a man about a few inches shorter. 

“Yo sweetcheeks, lemme us show you a good time” the shorter male circled around her. Fear erupted from her stomach the same feeling that appeared the night the old man sleezed her against the wall. 

Without a thought in her mind she ransacked her bag, quickly pulling out her phone, only for her wirst to be roughly yanked to the side. The phone dropping from the sudden force, clanking against the cement sliding past the proximity of the street lamp. 

“You bitch!” the male holding her wrist yelled into her ear. “We try being generous towards you and this is how you repay us?” 

All she could wonder about was the nameless male, 

The hero who saved her. 

Her eyes layed wide, a silhouette of two males advancing towards her. In an instant she had been freed for the second time. 

The two harassers layed cold at her feet, as two new males stood before her. 

“Izana the deed is done” a black haired man said, a bold scar rippled across his face. Stepping into the light, the same violet eyed hero she was just pondering about. 

“Aww you didn't call me” He said, a slight pout resting on his lips. Tears slipped past her eyes as she started speed walking over to him, almost tripping over her own feet in the process. Her arms spread, wrapping around the man's waist. Her knees threatened to give out on her as she leaned against him. A feeling of relief washing over her as she felt his arms envelop her.

“I told you, didn't I?” The silver haired pulled her closer, nuzzling his face into her soaked hair. 

“I will always be here for you” he continued, his voice muffled. 

Letting her tears sink into his black vest, as she silently cried. She didn't even think twice on how he even found her, skipping over the fact he and his men came out of nowhere. After minutes had passed, her heartbeat finally returned to its normal pace. Her body relaxing into his arms. Her face rose to meet his, chin resting on his chest. 

“Your name?” she quietly spoke. Stepping back so she could face him properly, wiping her remaining tears with her fingers. 

“Its Izana, kurokawa Izana” he introduced. 

She opened her mouth to give back her introduction, only to be cut off. 

“Y/N” her stomach twisting as her name left his mouth. This feeling being so euphoric to her. 

“How-” her sentence being cut short once more. “Let us get to know eachother better, how about a date?” he smiled down at her. 

Her face began to flush at the single word. 

“I mean do I even have to ask?” He tugged her by her sprained wrist, gently clasping the reddened skin.  Pulling her into his chest once again. Engulfing her back into a hug, his arms wrapping around her waist tightly holding her as close as possible as his hentchmen had long left the two of you.

“You are mine after all” he smirked, you and him alone under the dim street lamp. 

END NOTE : ALSOOO, let me know if yall want a continuation of the story, but with their first date :00

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