#and it’s not anyone’s job to help me w this yk so it’s whatever but it would be nice yk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

reanimatedgh0ul · 1 year

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ok so the other day on tumblr i mentioned that if one were to keep walker and his goons as characters than i'd rather have them be guys in white agents than essentially ghost cops imo

thru thinking abt this some more i think came up w an idea on how i want prisoners love/public enemies to look in my re:animated au along w how i can incorporate this excellent point my mutual made once

essentially the giw i.e. walker and his guys capture wulf after he crossed paths w danny on a patrol one night and rather than danny being the one who could've gotten caught it was wulf who took fall for this kid who he barely met

this sticks out to danny and figures that he now owes it to this guy to get him out

to me the heist happening later in mid/nearing the end of s1 is key bc this ep is the culmination of the trio over course of this season having to come together and work as a team essentially the potential heist is going to put that to the test

i'm also combining the prison break from prisoners of love here so that although initially danny only came here for wulf once he sees the other ghosts that are trapped there he feels obligated to free them as well and along w help wulf retrieve an artifact (the infini map) that he was ultimately trying to keep away from the giw

bc with that under their possession they could finally complete their objective which is to eradicate all ghosts in the ghost zone from the town

rather than the school and the mayor promoting the fentons as the ones who are tasked w dealing w the supposed threat of the ghosts at large it's the giw who are instead brought in

to me this change works on account them being a government funded organization so they have a certain level of public authority that maddie/jack don't

since they're not ghosts this time around and can't possess ppl in order to frame danny, they instead use the power and authority they do wield to enforce whatever narrative they want so that the denizens will believe that they have to trust and rely on them even if they don't actually have the town's best interest at heart and what they're doing is completely self serving

if that means making out wulf and soon afterwards danny as public threats so be it

even though we know danny isn't an actual threat to anyone but rather actually has the town's best interest at heart and is doing a much better job at performing his civic duty rather than ppl who supposedly claim that they do

and bc of the stunt him and sam/tucker pulled off he's now on the giw's shitlist specifically walker and his guys as they were put in charge of handling this case and failed horribly according to their superiors so now walker has personal grudge against danny bc of this

it's also worth noting that if you've been following me for awhile then yk that bc i read danny as a brown mexican kid, the fact his status as ghost is making him the target of a goverment funded organization specifically designed to detain him and others like him

the real world parallels i'm trying to draw here aren't exactly subtle and that's on purpose

also the fact that giw want the infini map which is a ghost artifact that belongs rightfully to the ghost zone and not them but is then stolen by them and claimed as a government property that they then intend to exploit as a tool in assisting their eradication of ghosts further adds to my au's overarching theme of colonialism btw

#re:animated au #robi rambles

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munamania · 2 months

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this shoot was just so fucking bullshit i dont like being around those guys and it honestly just pissed me off to see all the equipment these people are working with... like oh right well it's awesome that u spent so much money for your little group to make appealing cool films and ur so weird about anybody else using it since it's Technically a club's but let's be fr.. and i was asked to run around up and down floors etc and this one kid was apparently being bitchy abt having to bc men can never not have a tantrum and like i had to go early with the director and dp and like was i on top of my game fucking look at my life NO but i was fine this crew was pretty fucking terrible at delegating and communicating and i feel like i almost retreated into that headspace of oh god this whole thing is going to shit and it's my fault bc things arent organized and theyre running late and that is a large part of my job but its like the first day and again im not even THERE for fucking half of it bc it's a student set and im being asked to run around. oh right early on everyone keeps saying yep we're getting ready and i ask if they need help w equipment and they say no and so im like fucking cool sitting there waiting for our call and steve is like Abby how are we on time and the room falls silent and i was like oh my fucking god. im being dramatic like it's whatever but dont micromanage me yk and then they were pretty nice but then partway through the shoot after we'd moved locations and i was getting nothing from the director/we were at a standstill i asked if she wanted me to go stand with our equipment till someone got back and she said yes so i did and was on my phone yes and steve came up to me like so i'd love it if you could stay with [director] more bc she's struggling with staying on time and i just think having someone to help her with that would be good and well. that's your job. basically. ohhhhh bitch i almost got mean... i responded with like yeah well this is what i was asked to do rn and im checking in with her but will for sure do that more. absolutely not getting any kind of vibe from anyone on this set though so. like dont sit here and tell me im not doing enough of my job... anyway i feel like no one knew what to do with me and i tried to be friendlyish and helpful etc and ik it was not my best day but jfc

#whatever. im good at what i do im good at what i do #it's like....#disheartening almost. idk. bc no matter how much i love this and really want to be in this #god some people just really have it better #even just in the years ive been here the film program has been building and slowly getting more equipment and now those clubs #are getting on it and it's like bitch i started on zoom...#i didnt just Have film production classes in my high school i wasnt able to go out and buy a black magic camera just cause i wanted to #and then tell me why a few of them are going This is so gay... bc well her story is. old friends? be serious #but like yes im sure you people know gay people but why are you saying that... i didnt like it #i joined in on the joke cause well i felt my voice was most important there. given the lesbianism.#but god i cant stand how film guys will just treat u like shit um constantly and even if you politely peer to peer ask them smth #which honestly id rather kms than do but im an adult so if i dont know something i like to ask they just asked like such assholes #abby talks

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volfoss · 6 months

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Okay, the cool monster designs got me: What is Volfoss abt if you don't mind spoiling the game? Does it have a bestiary that tells you about the monsters? Also! How's your day been?

YESSSSS 😈 volfoss is a tactical rpg released only in japan for the ps1, a quick tldr of the story is there are trooper/mercenary (kind of work similarly to the latter, you get letters that give you missions, which can range from kill these burglars -> get rid of these monsters, missing kids and so on. there are also a lot more whimsical quests and also some silly evil ones (havent done the evil route but there are multiple assassination quests)) groups all over the world, and you are in part of one of them. spoilers for like early game stuff (just the start of the first act, and also a vague plot point that is hinted at starting in act 2) under the cut :3

The game starts in Asdenia (one of the big three countries/capitals) with your group, the Silver Fang, being pretty much wiped out by your leader dying. There are pretty much only three of you left, Shalvas (who is the protagonist), Mistos (who is kind of there to help Shalvas early game and also just kind of be the silly guy that Shalvas' straight man (comedy wise) nature bounces off of) and Marica (who goes off on her own after your mentor/leader dies). With the leaders death, the Silver Fang basically lose any popularity/anyone who wants to hire them that they might have had prior, and so the game starts with you going to help out a village in Asdenia that is being attacked by monsters. After that, you get another quest to rescue a girl, and then my best friend Uchida appears <3 hes a info broker basically and is like hey. let me help you get more jobs and over time you do get more because Uchida is the fucking BEST!!

The rest of the game from here on out (this is just the first 3 quests before you're basically set free to do whatever) focuses on taking quests and well. Completing them obviously. There are 5 endings, and the game doesn't let you make dialogue choices (which I like because of how it kind of feels more behind the scenes. You're working WITH Shalvas as a character and influencing him by taking the quests that you want to take instead of directly making choices in dialogue or on missions of what you want him to do. This might be a drawback for some but I really feel like it lets Shalvas be himself and takes a bit of the control out of the players hands), instead the quests influence how it goes. There are 5 types of quests (evil, good, and one for each of the three big countries), and by the end of the first act, it narrows you into one of two paths, which then branch out into the five endings.

Some of my favorite things about it is actually how it handles a lot of topics that most rpgs dont handle well in a really nuanced fashion. There is a big war by the time you hit the last act of the game, which has been ramping up through the game, and it is handled in a very very listening to both sides fashion. The ending I'm on right now has discussions of someone trying to convince another person to help them out in the war, and the other person replies with discussing the value of lives and why the (redacted for spoilers sowwy) people deserve to live more than the other. They also really did good w the female characters in this, Rially is really well written (shes a silly but helpful ally you have), Marica is one of the best women I've seen in any rpg EVER (she has a lot of nuance and there could be a yuri situatuon between her and another woman if you squint a tiny bit), there are women in high positions in government and that's just treated as normal. Disability is also something treated SHOCKINGLY well. One of the villains is missing part of his arm (and has no prosthetic) and it is NEVER brought up or shown as something that he needs to overcome or yk the standard ableist bs. Like he's one of the strongest characters in the game and given a TON of depth. Everyone really is, like this game will make you feel sympathy for characters that other rpgs would have just painted as black and white evil. The protagonists are all AMAZING and the characters are super easy to understand where they are coming from, if not just outright love them. Even the villains get a more morally grey approach than a lot of rpgs would. The writing in general is really good (which is like. not helpful due to there being no english patch and I have machine translated every single line in this game. when i finish the guide it will have summaries and stuff so. if you are interested just wait a bit :) ), the route that I've taken has been super entertaining and dramatic. A lasting theme in the game is the value of life (even if they are an enemy of yours. which is handled very well and do NOT start me on it because it makes me blow upppp) and I think it's a very interesting theme to have due to how as a trooper, you DO have to kill monsters. It treats it better than a lot of rpgs who really only treat the named characters dying as a tragedy but if you kill a bunch of bandits, its completely ok.

To get into gameplay, due to being a game from 2001, it is a bit clunky. But honestly it's pretty easy to pick up (coming from someone who has never played a trpg before) and it's super fun. The gameplay loop doesn't really get boring (esp for a like. 30-50 hour long game. from what i understand from times online) and there's a ton of unique functions (such as a Morgue where you can resurrect enemies that you killed last battle to fight for you for one battle, a Gem system that gives your characters attacks/defense different powers (a red gem gives a fire attack etc and there are many combos) and the faction relationship system (which is partially how endings are decided. You do enough missions for one of the big 3 areas, and they start to like you more and more)).

To get to your bestiary question, yes and no. There is an in game gallery, but unless you can read Japanese (or machine translate), there's not a ton of info there. Here's Rially's page for an example:

As for stats on the characters, there is that info with the physical game (which I do plan on scanning my copies of the map, unit guide, and manual and put them on the internet archive eventually) and just through a LOT of trial and error. The Volfoss Wiki (all in Japanese as well bc theres like. one site discussing this on the English side of things afaik) has a lot of info on stuff as well. I'm definitely trying to gather more info as I play to put into the guide so there IS info like that out there in the world. You can see all the monsters there and here's a link to most of them online (there's only a few of them missing and I know that due to having a lot of it memorized by this point lol). also sneakily dropping a link to the rom here at the end if you do want to play it :3 i can also give a more detailed description of gameplay and stuff if you are interested. also please look at uchida. its important. and also sheala who has a really cool design, i dont think its super often you find a woman just wearing normal armor in games lol. she is also insanely hard to fight (just beat her and came to tumblr to take a break and then. essay unfortunately)

and i'm doing ok! a bit tired but staying distracted with getting this scary long guide (76 whole pages.) closer to completion. or at least like 30% being done lol.

#asks #♟#my evil nature of posting images WILL work but its also a really really really fun game #sorry like i DO not want to spoil the ending im working on or anything bc im going in pretty blind but i will discuss the early plot #also god sorry this is INSANELY long do notttt let me infodump abt volfoss if u want a short reply #how are you? ty for letting me go INSANE infodump style.#no one even understands how uchida is everything to me. like hes so fucking swaggggg and hes so silly i love him

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hyuckmov · 1 year

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it was really early in the morning when we went to han river and ate ramen there (CAN FINALLY CROSS IT OUT MY LIST IM HAPPY CRYING AGAIN) so there weren't that many people yet except for those alr walking their pets (SO CUTE BOTH THE PETS AND OWNERS R TOO NICE :(( ) and then bicycling. our initial plan was to have a lil picnic at night but decided to just do it in the morning so it wouldn't be too cold (SIKE) and about the couples -- OMG YES THEY ARE EVERY. WHERE. ANY TIME OF DAYYYY. it's really different to see it yourself. esp at parks!! we couldn't stop giggling because we don't know if we should proceed taking pics w the flowers and all or just look for another area because they're all there doing couple stuff (cute pics and all) it's so fun n hilarious.

that's alright though, at least you could save up more and maybe do other things first so you'd be ready-ready once you're all decided to go :> going with friends really IS FUN :(( coming from a really introverted person (ME)

i so agree with you 🥹 bigger, better, more fun, more more more worth the wait. it's kinda funny to think it now but that time it was just too depressing for me that almost everyone around me are there EXCEPT ME. like, genuinely happy for them but u just can't help but be sad too yk? SO I HEARD ..... and based on the clips i saw the boys were having soooo so so sooo much fun not to mention the crowd's truly amazing.. AND I THANK THEM THE BOYS HAD SO MUCH FUN. about the byl, if you're free that time then i think you should get it. HAVE FUUUUUN think of it as a little preview for u until you finally get to experience it live ;-;

PLEASE ENJOY THAT BREAK WHILE YOU CAN I'M TELLING YOU. i went straight to working right after i graduated and yes it's a good thing i alr secured a job as they said but i felt so down and burnt out for months since i never got to take a rest even for just a week or so... it was like my time was running out fast or something.. SO PLEASE. rest, have fun, do whatever makes you calm and happy.. just. enjoy <333

(PS i notice my responses get longer and longer each time i hope it's not a bother to you or to anyone that comes across this. and pls.. don't thank me im having so much fun chatting with uuu)

HIII firstly. not bothered by ur long responses at all i love reading these it’s like receiving a letter 🫶🏻 pls keep on sending these when u have the time hehe

omg eating ramen at han river…cycling and people-watching that literally sounds like the dream i’m stealing that idea for my own future trip <3 RIIIGHT the couples also i hear all the girls r super pretty w the middest boyfriends ever 🤭 im also an introvert (and actually irl really guarded lol) and i always wonder about what it would really be like to travel w friends or even live with them…wonder what it will do to my social battery and also just seeing me at my worst (11pm-2am) but ngl i won’t know until i try :) my friends and i might all be going overseas to and the same country for uni so it’ll really be like starting a new life and i’m excited to do it w them no matter what happens

sometimes it’s a comparative thing…. it feels like everyone else is there and it’s so sad that you’re not. i’m still debating between actually paying for the byl and also just watching it being streamed off someone else… one thing is that finding links for streams r so stressful esp when they get cut off…. but another is am i rlly gna spend $50 on this….but i hear it’s going to be really special with some new songs <3

the burn out is so real….. i was so annoying for the first few weeks of working because i just couldn’t believe like is this what real life is…? is there really nothing more to life? i was so struck LMFAO i was beginning to realize the power of having a bubble subscription because getting a notification from haechan as i’m rotting at my work cubicle is like a LIFESAVER. this is my last week of work and i’m so excited bc my friend will also be finishing work so we’re sooo gna celebrate by doing jobless things and maximizing our unemployment (weekday lunch deals and cheap museum tickets) 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

I HOPE YOUUU feel rested after ur trip and that life’s been going okay…. HOW ARE YOU!!! what have you been doing :)

#THANK YOU AGAINNNN #ur trip sounds like the dream hehe #asks #813ths #hope you’ve been doing wellll

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parola-di-winx · 1 year

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I'm curious to know how you feel about all the canon ships? 😊

i really fuckin like all of them tbh!! i think the show did a Nice job!!! i AM assuming you mean like. the main six couples yk... but if you also meant anyone else. yk. just hmu again xx

ok so skloom first jsnfnsnfns this looks so. mean. but just. the older i get the less i care abt them. you kinda wish they just like. Move On. learn from the things that happen to them or whatever. develop and grow and have those changes stick to them? yeah. if only. bsnfjaf but i do like them especially when they first meet?? early s1?? shut up they're so sweet. sky always helping her w stuff. shut up. do NOT let this bingo fool you i do care them i just didn't vibe w any of the squares

BRELLA NEXT. SOME MIGHT EVEN SAY THE SUPERIOR CANON SHIP. AND THEY'D BE RIGHT. are they my favorites No not necessarily but can i recognize them as thee best? yes i can. this is like maybe you like whichever my chemical romance album the most but you can take a step back and objectively recognize Thee Black Parade as the superior album of all times arguably. Anyway. they are so fun and nice and sweet and slay i IGNORE whatever was happening in s4 i don't CARE abt any fight happening in s5 or s6 or whenever they are FINE. they are FLAWLESS. i LOVE THEM SO MUCH. i won't even get into why WE ALL KNOW WHY!!!!! CHEF KISS

tttt..... tecmy.... i don't know i don't remember all the shipnames. but. did you know they were my favorites when i was a kid. tecna was my GIRL my KIN if you will when we played winx in class i was always tecna and I LOVED TIMMY SOOOO MUCH was it just like a projection of how much i liked tecna so i just liked everything abt her? maybe but i also did like loser nerd cringefail boys with glasses. i liked them then and i like them now. he's such like. a ken to tecna's barbie. he is the most accessory out of all of them and i LOVE the way the boys in this show are nothing more than accessories. i love that he's like. just kinda useless sbfnsjf and she's thee girlboss and she gives him shit and then she like almost DIES and i Still cry abt how he reacts to that!!! and the whole bit where he figures out she's still alive and they get her back it STILL makes me cry it WILL make me cry when i get to that part in the rewatch. also underrated but early s1 when they start chatting while the others are having a bit of a party? i think it might have been the episode where the girls get grounded? and they just kinda bond over being awkward little nerds. i love you

aight so. florelia. outclassed everyone sorry. the moment helia got introduced HE was my main boy. weird secretive little guy who draws and has beautiful long hair and is weirdly cryptic but captivating i was SOLD. crushing beyond belief. and my sweetheart flora ohhh she was so Sweet abt all of it. she was so shy and insecure and fucking CUTE abt all of it GOD!!! IT WAS SO ENDEARING!!! i love their little buildup. i love that it was a bit more of a slowburn than the others! i love aisha breaking into helia's room like that is not related to florelia as a pairing necessarily but i love them for making that happen i guess? also their little first kiss? 😳 7 years old nove or however fuckin old i was had her little mind BLOWN. it was so. do i wanna say sexy. it wasn't sexy but it was like. idk it Gets to me like... so tense... in that extra stressful moment... :-( i love helia being so idk passive and closed off the entire time but he Initiates things then here and there when it matters and Also drawing flora in his spare time i get it i get it. i lov them. this is where the mcr black parade analogy comes in bc while i Know brella superiority and also objectively the most attractive couple Bitch i am telling you. florelia actually the prettiest two of them all. hands down. periodt. and. i like them. the most

waaaahh rivusa UGH i. i like them i do like them of course i do but i am also kinda like. bored. they have kinda the same problem as Skloom where it's just kinda. the same thing over and over innit. it is a bit more inchresting w them tho i guess. and i LOVE to see a more complicated? i guess? relationship in a cartoon. i love to see messy little bitches anfjskf i love that they go back and forth and it's not linear and they butt heads and fight cause like. it's normal it's cool to show That part of relationships too but. tragically sometimes i wish they'd just stay broken up idk eye. give it a fuckin break. you gotta give it up at some point. and i am also someone who's not super into like Angst or whatever i WILL get bored of this back and forth!!!! but over all at the end of the day i love them deeply they're wonderful and compelling and interesting and i want the best for them. i want them both to eat well

aisha and nabu god BESTIES i am SO SORRY i marked the i really need this to be canon square bc by that i mean i wish it was fucking endgame i wish they didn't do THAT!!!!! FUCK OFF!!! they are. beautiful and perfect i Love their buildup i love. controversia but i think that nabu stalker era kinda served. snfnksjf like obviously #problematic but shut upppp he had a good reason i forgive him it's ok. i love aisha being mad at him at first (fair. slay) but then she just finds out he's actually fantastic and a good match and she can't resist his charms after all.... curse him!! i think it's a really nice trope???? eh it's not really a trope probably but like the arranged marriage to genuine loving relationship kinda served! it was a cool dynamic!! they're PERFECT

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seveneyesoup · 3 years

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was gonna reblog some gender angst post i made a while ago bc i am feeling it once again but i can’t find it so now this is a post complaining about the tumblr search function instead. boooo tumblr search function let me find my own posts that i know i made.

#don’t reblog this? idk why you’d want to in the first place but #a Lot of the resources for questioning people are for like. people who are just now questioning and previously thought they were cis?#and mostly for binary trans people and it’s stuff like if you could wake up tomorrow and be a sex of your choosing what would it be?#and there’s a lot of like. posts from people who are like considering using a different gender than the already-trans one they’d been using #but it’s just like. haha relatable posts right vs like. more helpful stuff ig #and it’s not anyone’s job to help me w this yk so it’s whatever but it would be nice yk #dunno. there’s also an element of like. i think i have a distinct feeling for it but no idea how to interpret or visualize that?????#so while it would help to like try presenting in a style more aligned w that i don’t know what that might Be #idk. right now it’s not like. serious but i’ve felt these kinds of vibes before and over time they will be #and. not to be vulnerable on main or in fact anywhere. but i kind of don’t want it to be. i Like my current gender and presentation yk #and. the really fun part is whatever the new stuff is i think it’s gonna come with dysphoria. so that’s lovely.#again feel free to ignore this it doesn’t really require a response #but like last time if you. know me personally and would like to talk about this w me you are free to #you’re under no obligation either way i’ll figure it out eventually

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isagisyoichi · 3 years

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YOU MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL!

SYNOPSIS: niko as your boyfriend

CHARACTERS INCLUDED: niko ikki aka my boyfriend hello

WARNINGS: swearing, pretend all the boys go to the same school and they're all friends for plot, normalize not writing serious boys as someone that practically hates their s/o and never opens up to them god bless, also no such thing as ooc since we dunno shit ab him so everything i say is law. SUPER LONG LOL, it's like 2k+ words 😭

A/N: i love my boyfriend and i'm v happy about all the attention he's getting (even if he will prob will b subbed out 👎) this was fun to write bc i think he would b very soft as bf and also i hate the notion that stoic and serious = boring and detached in a relationship. also first post w the new user yayyyy rip yoichisagis an end of an era for realsies.

FOR: fox anon my beloved this one is for u😩

it takes a while for you two to get together, just because niko wants to think things through and be sure he’s making the right decision, as well as him being naturally apprehensive about this whole dating thing.

when you do eventually start going out, keep in mind you're probably his first real anything, so-

niko needs to take it slow for the first month or so because he needs time to adjust and get used to being in a relationship.

when he gets comfortable around you, niko starts to talk a lot more.

niko starts to talk about his interests more-soccer, stem stuff (idc i'll die by my hc that he's a stem boy), etc. and niko's really happy that you're genuinely interested in what he has to say :)

and as your relationship progresses, niko becomes more inclined to share his inner thoughts.

“this song is so bad, i hate it and how it's everywhere,” like, babe that sucks, but what do you want me to do, take it off the radio myself? 😭

you find out that niko’s kind of a hater LOL, but it’s okay, because it means he can be himself around you <3 and the mini debates you have with each other are fun.

he’s someone you can take shopping with you if you need a solid second opinion.

“ikki, is this cute?” you niko as you adjust the shirt you tried on in the fitting room mirror.

“no.” he’s so straight up LOL. “the blue one from earlier was better.”

“this one?”

“yeah, that one. you look really pretty in it.”

ngl though, niko’s not much of a mall person. he'd just follow you around like a little puppy LOL, but he doesn't mind too much because it's for you.

communication is important to niko!!!!! he wants someone that he can have real conversation about the things that matter to him, so he rly makes an effort to have that kind of connection with you.

niko's naturally funny but he isn't aware that he is lol.

but when he does try, i feel like his humor comes in the form of sarcasm and dry wit. likes poking fun at you here and there with a lighthearted jab.

"you're so weird, y/n," is the most common one.

niko’s naturally closed off emotionally (male aquarius 😒) but i, personally, think he’d really try and push himself to be more open with you, especially if you expressed for him to do so </3

he'd be really appreciative of someone patient and understanding of the fact that he doesn't open up easily, though.

but eventually, you become the person closest to him- niko confides in you a lot, which he’s grateful for because he usually holds everything in.

not one for pda or other lovey-dovey things in public, other than the occasional holding of hands but behind closed doors, niko’s so soft around you, it’s like he’s a completely different person.

also, i feel like niko’s real handsy with you, i get the vibe he’s super touch starved 😭

although it does take him a while to get used to physical affection, once he has, niko cannot get enough. he’s always touching you when he has no real reason to.

(and because you're his first relationship, i feel like it’s just natural that niko’s going to be kind of clingy towards you.)

“you okay, ikki?” you ask as niko suddenly wraps his arms around your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“mhm,” he mumbles. “just wanna be close to you.”

niko likes when you sit on his lap when he’s on his computer. you can have your arms wrapped around his neck, your head resting in the crook of his neck, or you could just be on your phone or whatever, it doesn’t matter, niko just likes you near him.

you guys don’t really talk to each other when you do this, aside from niko occasionally checking up on you and asking if you need anything from him.

but other than that, you guys just enjoy each other's touch in silence. it’s one of his favorite things to do with you.

however, if you start kissing him in the middle of whatever he’s doing and keep it up for long enough, niko will drop everything to make out with you right then and there (also one of his favorite things to do with you).

speaking of kissing- you kiss niko first.

niko would try to plan your guys first kiss out because he wants everything to be perfect.

but, he ends up taking forever to execute it because he keeps overthinking and you can only wait so long before kissing him, so you take matters into your own hands.

his kisses are sloppy and juvenile at the beginning, but he’s smart and learns quickly what you do and don’t like.

likes being kissed on his jaw and forehead the most :')

if the team ever happens to see niko kissing you, they're gonna be so annoying 😭

"yooo niko's making big moves ‼️" "my son's growing up on me!😩" "good job *pats on the back*" and niko is red all over as he drags you away from them, muttering about how childish and annoying they are 😭.

but, they're all very supportive of you guys, even if they're embarrassing as hell 🙄.

they even give niko relationship advice- which luckily, he doesn’t follow (most of the time), because, let’s be honest, if you're getting unsolicited dating tips from a bunch of teenage boys, it’s probably bad 😭.

you’re the only person niko shows his forehead to. just know that having the opportunity to see it means that niko trusts you more than anyone else :’)

repay his trust by kissing his forehead lovingly and showering him with compliments whenever you can !!!!!!!!!!

“y/n, why’re you so embarrassing,” niko says under his breath, blushing as you hold his face and litter soft kisses on his forehead, rambling about how cute he is.

always looks for you in the bleachers when he has a game and you’re always the first person he talks to after.

and the fact that you make an effort to come as often as you can means sooo much to him. definitely considers you to be his biggest fan.

real classy with nicknames- uses “my love/love,” and “darling,” the most.

his favorite petname from you is "pretty boy." gives him butterflies each time he hears it.

the first time you call him that, he's confused, but after you explain that being called pretty is basically the highest compliment a boy can receive, he gets all soft on you.

only uses instagram to like and comment on your pictures and that's it 😭.

comments stuff like “you're so pretty” and "beautiful," without any emojis because niko refuses to use them LOL.

remembers the compliments you give him! they help with his self esteem and i feel like he values your opinion a lot.

so, tell him all about how cute and smart and talented and hot and funny he is and how much you love him and he'll replay it in his head 24/7.

i think he prefers to be the big spoon, unless he's sad- then he really wants you to hold him.

niko gives me homebody vibes, so expect relaxed dates, but still nice, yk?

what i mean is niko's not gonna take you out to get gas station food and call it a day 😭 he's classier than that and he always puts in effort towards dates.

he always plans them ahead of time and takes into consideration what he thinks you'd enjoy. and he insists on paying 🤗.

but, niko always does something special for days like your birthday or an anniversary, like go somewhere fancy if you wanted to or buy a nice gift you've been eyeing for a while.

helps you with your schoolwork, 100%. most of the time niko tutors you because he wants you to actually learn the material, but if you're feeling lazy and just wanna get it over with, niko will just give you the answers.

this is a big deal because i love him and all but, niko gives me the vibe he's super stingy with his work 😭.

"this is the last time i'm going to just give you the answers, y/n." niko sighs out. "you have to start doing your homework by yourself."

niko's said that dozen of times but he's still giving you the answers free of charge. can you guys say #whipped 🤣?

LOL speaking of school, if you ever text him during class, i highly doubt that niko would entertain you 😭😭 (it's out of love, though)

y/n 💗: hiii baby imy 🥰

pretty boy: do your work, y/n.

y/n 💗: ALL I DID WAS SAY HI

pretty boy: pay attention.

y/n 💗: fine ur so lame 👎

pretty boy: whatever you say. i miss you too, by the way.

he likes to moves your hair out your face because he wants to see your pretty face better.

which is why you have to do the same with him 🥰!!!!!! makes him blush like crazy.

gets soooo soft when you post him or even take pictures of you and him together :') just the thought of you wanting to show him off makes him soooo happy.

he won't entertain you if you make a tiktok, though LOL. he's very stubborn in his belief that it's stupid.

just stands in the background with his arms crossed if you try to make him do a dance or something 😭 (he does think you look cute, though).

niko has such nice eyelashes but i doubt he's aware of it 'cause he's, y'know, a boy 🙄.

"my eyelashes are ... cute?" he questions. niko wasn't even aware that such a trivial thing like his eyelashes could be considered cute.

"yes, oh my god," you gush. "they're so long and nice, i wish mine were like that," you groan, examining yours through the camera of your phone.

"you're so weird, y/n," he says, a blush staining his cheeks. "your eyelashes are nicer," he mumbles as he kisses your forehead.

he's one of those people that prefers to be alone, but you're the exception. you know?

niko likes to keep to himself most of the time, but that whole thing doesn't apply to you, because he'd choose to be with you over being alone anytime :')

#THIS WAS SO LONG CHRKST #ilysmni i love you so much niko ikki #not a dating hc but i really thinkche has the kind of headphones that tsukki has 💀💀💀#niko ikki #niko ikki x reader #niko x reader #blue lock #bllk x reader #bllk #blue lock x reader #blue lock imagine #blue lock headcanons #bllk headcanons #niko ikki headcanons #niko ikki imagine #ikki niko #ikki niko x reader #bllk imagines

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lorelexi · 4 years

Text

Some bnha boys brushing your hair (Ft. Todoroki, Bakugou, Shinsou, Mirio, Amajiki, and Iida, separately)

Read the Haikyuu ver. here!!

Warnings: none! Very fluffy

These are really self indulgent so they aren't too inclusive for hair type as I have 2B/2C hair,,, so I apologize in advance 😔

A/N: Some my hero boys brushing your hair. Personally I think this is a really sweet act of intimacy and I think I would cry if anyone ever brushed my hair for me

---

Todoroki

• sweet, sweet boy

• first he has you sit down in front of him, in between his legs and gets to work

• he is so gentle, it makes my heart melt

• starts at the ends like you taught him and just carefully works his way up, getting out all the tangles and knots without hurting you

• probs whispers really cute things to you while he’s working

• you’re grateful that he can't see your embarrassed expression

• examples include “your hair is so pretty my love, I think it suits you so well”

“Thank you for letting me be close to you like this, I love you.”

• can you hear me squealing?😭😭😭

• when he’s done he kinda just nuzzles his face in your hair and wraps his arms around you from behind🥺💙

• you thank him and he just kisses your temple and tells you that he’s glad to anytime

• AAAAAAAA

Bakugou

• *shivers*

• even though he’s usually very rough around the edges, obviously he doesn’t want to hurt you so he tries so so hard to be gentle

• he’s gonna have his little slip ups occasionally where he tugs on a knot a little too hard but for the most part he does good

• I like to think that y'all probably do this at the end of a stressful day because it’s a way that you can both wind down and still be with each other and not having to worry about too much talking when you’re both tired

• I think Bakugou uses this as a sort of stress relief as well; he can just sit there and just focus on doing one thing, one brush stroke at a time

• you make a small noise if he tugs too hard and he mumbles an “i'm sorry” every time and presses a kiss to the area where your jaw meets your ear to make up for it 😖🧡

• similar to todoroki, when he’s with his job he rests his chin on your shoulder and reaches his arms around you and takes a hold of your hands gently so you can play with his fingers🥺

• he’s not verbal about it but you know that he likes it, so you do it as a lil thank you for his brushing your hair for you

• i love boys so much what the fuck is up w that

Shinsou

• toshi. toshiiiiiiiiii 😭😭

• i alr know this one is gonna get me in my feels dude

• honestly I feel like he’d shower with you too if that’s something you would feel comfy with

• nothing nasty, just pure, relaxing time that you guys can spend together

• he’ll wash your hair for you!!!

• he’ll even follow your hair routine

• anyways back to the subject at hand,,, my bad

• another gentle boy who wants to make sure you're happy and comfy the whole time,, maybe might give ur scalp a lil massage too???if you want

• Im telling you guys, it’s like he was made for this or something, he just is able to put you at such ease and it is so comforting and warm💜🥰

• when he’s all done he most DEFINITELY uses a hand to sweep all of your hair to one side, exposing your neck where he places the absolute sweetest kiss 😳

• AAAAAFJBGBGB

• you smile at him with soft eyes and turn to give your good boy a proper kiss for his hard work

• you also return the favor because you know Toshi really loves it when you brush/play with his hair too

• however he’ll lay with his head on your lap so that he can admire you from where he is

• grr yall are SO CUTE!!!!

• sorry,, sorry,,,, I got so carried away with this one I just rlly love him yk

Mirio

• why are all of these boys literally so sweet!!!!

• ok ok mirio is definitely the one who makes it like a whole event

• he’ll brush your hair (really softly mind you) and then when he’s done he’ll massage your shoulders and neck lightly and he’ll press kisses to your skin occasionally and it’s so warm and delightful

• you might let out a content sigh here and there and he’ll be like “does that feel nice doll?”😭

• when he’s all done he’ll probably do something cute like bring you a nice warm drink and give you a nice big kiss on your forehead 🥺

• “there you are sunshine”

• lots of hugs and cuddles afterward because I just KNOW this man is so good for cuddles

Amajiki

•my soft baby boy 😭

• when you ask him if he can brush your hair for you he's so sweet about it

• "you want me to brush you hair? If you're sure, then of course, angel"

• he just wants to make sure you're comfy 🥺

• he's probably the most gentle out of all of them

• Softly just combing through, stroke after stroke, working out knots as smooth as he can

• puts his hand behind the brush whenever he gets tangles so that he can take the pressure off your scalp and not hurt you 😭💜

• if he ends up tugging too hard he'll just softly go "sorry baby" 😭😭😭😭😭😭

• when he's done you take his hands and press kisses to them and thank him and he swears his heart is gonna leap out of his chest

• he's so glad to help you in any way possible, baby boy 🥺

Iida

• Iida gives me some really soft vibes actually,,like I think his presence would be pretty comforting actually🥺

• prolly makes tea (or whatever your drink of preference is) for you both before you sit down

• if this is the first time he's brushing your hair for you, he listens very intently when you explain to him what you would like him to do

• asks you questions to make sure he’s doing everything right hehe

• “I just want to make sure I’m doing everything the best way that I can sweetheart.”

• you appreciate his dedication

• Ok ok I read this fluff headcanon by @katsukari that Iida likes to read with you and I think that that is SO perfect

• he sits behind you softly combing through your hair while you read a book out loud

• sits there with the softest smile listening to your voice 😭

• after he’s all done, he’ll kiss the top of your head before taking you into his arms for a big hug AAAA

• this mans would give such nice hugs, I mean come on, have u seen his beefy arms

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hee4won · 3 years

Text

how en- hyung line comforts you

warnings: maybe a bit angsty? not really though so none.

a/n: this is kinda self-indulgent simply bc school and athletics have been kicking me <//3 but also for anyone that is feeling overwhelmed :[ i hope this helps!! + for my sweetie @avocadosforsale ^^

part two

heeseung

okay. best boyfriend ever award definitely goes to him

you’re stressed out about whatever but you don’t wanna tell him

bc the last thing u want to see is his worried expression :(

like imagine he’s laughing and smiling then he sees you sulking

and now he’s worried

0/10 experience for sure

so you try hiding your frenzied expression from him for some time by staying in your bedroom

but he notices and makes his way up to check on you and sees you on the bed

CRYING.

he wants to rush over to you but at the same time he’s not sure if you’d prefer to keep your space

continue under cut!

so he’ll be standing at the door kinda like

🧍‍♂️ “is there anything i can do?”

in that low voice that’s almost like a whisper and his cute big eyes

my baby ☹️

once you finish sniffling and gather the ability to breathe lol

then you kinda slowly look up at him and ask

“can you just hold me? please?”

AND OBVIOUSLY

He is already on the bed with you

you -> in his arms and

i feel like he’s the type to run his hand on your back or play w your hair

and he definitely hums to you in an attempt to get you calm or just comfortable

that method will more than likely make you fall asleep though..

but hee will gladly cradle you until the sun comes up and he is 100% sure that you’re okay

jay

i don’t see jay as the worrying type but i also don’t see him as the type to like

completely leave you alone

if something is wrong he will most definitely cater to all of your needs

with no hesitation.

“jay, i can literally do it myself”

“no no, you should rest”

he’ll probably cover it up by saying smth like

“i need you in the best condition possible so you can go back to being my photographer”

😒😒😒.

you know it’s just a facade though

he loves you <3

and it would be a lie to say that deep down he’s not super worried

if you have a headache from your schoolwork or a project

he would probably finish it for you

even if he isn’t taking the class

don’t expect an A for that btw ❤️

but if youve injured yourself

then he is on the internet looking up any and all treatments/methods for recovery

he HAS to figure out how to fix the issue himself

seeing you in pain just makes him feel so :|

so expect him to be with you all the time until you’re back to normal

jake

i’m having trouble deciding if he’s the type to be all over you and cheer you up

or just do what you ask and let you come around on your own time

honestly i think jake would feel kinda bad if you got stressed or sick

bc he’s thinking

hey i’m the bf :( why are they so stressed it’s my job to be here for them so this doesn’t happen

so he’s kinda sad ☹️ BUT THEN he realizes that his duties must be filled

will definitely cook for you + do your laundry

literally anything domestic

and if you’re feeling SUPER down one day

he’ll probably make some cute sticker that says

“y/n’s personal caregiver” or “y/n’s maid”

if you enjoy dad jokes.. good luck bc hes on a website with 100+ of them

he just needs to see you smile

bc he can he get kinda worried (yk not knowing if he’s doing a good job)

but you always make sure to reassure him!

and with jake by your side, you get better in no time <3

sunghoon

he doesn’t panic

not on the outside of course

this is literally him: 😐😑😐😑😐 “i thought i told u to manage your time more wisely”

and u obviously don’t wanna hear him nag and show off his maturity rn 😒

so he cuts his lecture short and just goes to the store to get you .. maybe ice cream

or if you’re sick he’ll go get medicine for you :]

still won’t be very open about how nervous he is

bc inside he’s thinking “i’m not a doctor what if i just make them worse”

omg he would have a humidifier and everything

literally forces you to take a hot shower and sets out comfy clothes for you

(you’re on a bedtime btw he is not gonna be caught slacking 😇)

this is the cute part though

when you’re sleeping, he’ll come into the room and kneel by the bed

probably kiss you on the forehead and take your hand in his own just bc he wants to feel you and make sure you’re doing okay

he’ll whisper a sweet little “i love you, i’ll make sure you don’t feel like this again”

AND THEN HES OFF TO BED

Honestly though.

he probably stays at the bedside admiring you for so long that he passes out right there

and now you’re waking up to a cute sunghoon right next to you 🥺🥺

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chuuya-centric · 3 years

Text

down CATACLYSMICALLY 🤕

character: chuuya nakahara

genre: fluff, smut

warnings: gn afab reader, no pronouns used, alcohol mentions / use ? unorganized as FUCK — read at your own risk 🚶 these r also much longer than i originally intended 🤒🤕 they get kinda bad at the end bc im lazy asf and just wanted to be done with these im sorry yall LMAOO

↬he he i he he i i hhnhshgghfgg

↬lord please god passionate+romantic sex with this man is all i ask you for please ill never ask for anything ever again 🙏🙏🙏

↬now i would like to start this with a disclaimer by saying chuuya is usually vv rough and passionate and would manhandle your ass 😁🤞 however these hcs will be like 🧍 slow ................. and passionate ??? not gentle per se but just romantic amd uhm very much "love making" if u will 💯

↬sensual ?? i think ????

↬hhndhsgh ik we're all horny and just wanna be used like a ragdoll but please hear me out yall

↬emotional and passionate sex !!!!!!!!! this usually happens whenever chuuya gets drunk (bc i think he is a v emotional drunk, and if he's w his s/o i think he gets vv sentimental / touchy-feely

↬ofc if you say no or reject his advances he wont do anything other than cling to ur side but if u dont do anything to stop him you will 100% be in his bed by the end of the night 🔥🔥

↬starts out as him havin a lil too much to drink nothin new yk and then he gets more touchy / physically clingy than usual 🧎

↬a lil off topic but he would absolutely fight anyone who tried to flirt w you / anyone who looked at u the wrong way LMAOOO not saying u have to babysit him but 🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯 taking him back home would be the smart thing to do as to avoid bar fights

↬but back on track i think chuuya would refuse to leave your side 💀 he would be all over u so unless ur into like hardcore pda u fr better take him home 💀💀

↬he's a horny menace 😕👎

↬okay so blah blah blah yall r back home now what ? now he rlly starts getting emotional 🚶 he's just so grateful to have u in his life and he loves you so much and what if he's not good enough for you ???? how could u love someone like him ?????? what if— please just shut him up with a tender kiss 🤒☹️ tell him u love him very much

↬he............hhbbgdgshhhh i was talking to @chuuyasbf ab this but dhshsbhhhhhh we came to the conclusion that he'd like smother u in kisses oh my fucking god 💔🙏 like he'd just cover your mf face in kisses and i— bursts into tears

↬now by this point this is where he'll start communicating his feelings thru actions rather than words so please expect a very heated makeout session (that leads up to the best sex of ur life 😏)

↬"he just goes “oops, missed a spot *kiss* oops, theres another one *kiss*" - @chuuyasbf and i honestly could not agree more please 🧎🧎 hhnbbhghghh

↬but back to the makeout session it started after u shut him up w that kiss yk and u were both just sitting on the couch, originally basking in the others presence, before the words just started flowing so ofc u gave him a lil kiss n told him he was enough and that u loved him so so much and he pulled you back for another n another til u were sitting on his lap w his tongue in ur mouth

↬and things progressed n progressed n next thing yk he's got you intoxicated (his kisses r life changing ok 🤨🕶️🤏 even if he were sober it'd just be hjndhdghgggh) but like yall know when ur grinding against them n they buck their hips up a lil ? yeah <33

↬HE'S SO HANDSY OMFG ESP IF YOURE SITTING IN HIS LAP 🙏🙏🙏 after he's pulled you as close to him as humanly possible (im talkin chest-to-chest, hip-to-hip — he is a very intimate person and greatly enjoys physical touch argue w the wall ab it) his hands go from finding purchase on ur hips and guiding your movements to pulling at ur hair to feeling u up to running his fingers up n down ur back to helping you take your shirt off. he cannot for the life of him keep his hands to himself

↬in reality he'd shift you onto his thigh before making ur neck his next target for his kisses (and hickies)

↬when you start whining for more and saying his kisses aren't enough, thats when he'll sober up enough to be snapped back to reality n to carry you to his room 🧎 or so you thought 😚

↬confused, u didn't get the hint until he bounced his leg, once, twice, oh— and even after you'd understood what he wanted you to do, he'd grab ur hips and completey take control of the pace n grind u against his thigh almost agonizingly slow, all while leaving some awfuy dark hickies on ur lower neck n a handful on ur collarbones

↬ofc theres some muttered praise and "i love yous" as well. he'll tell you how good you look, getting off on his thigh like this

↬he'll take u back to his room only after you've cum against his thigh 🧎🧎 consider it a warm up LMFAOO

↬when he finally does get up from the couch, he'll probably use his ability to help stablize yall a little 💀 (he had a lil too much to drink pls dont clown him)

↬whereas he'd normally toss u onto the bed, this time he took his time to set u down gently before settling down in between ur thighs and— hey wait a damn minute when did this mf find the time to get your pants off huh—

↬aye speaking of which i think chuuya is rlly big on eye contact regardless bc its honestly just vv intimate to him 🧐🚶

↬yall know when they like ............. when theyre like caressing / holding your thigh n looking up at u n they kiss ur inner thigh while maintaining eye contact or whatever ...................... <33

↬i think his praise kink especially shines thru when he gets drunk bc he will take his mf time covering you in kisses and hickies all while showering u in praise n telling u how beautiful u r and ab how much he loves you

↬he knows his words usually tend to be / sound harsh, but at the end of the day he loves you sm more than words will ever be able to convey :((

↬def tries to make up for that (when he's drunk 🙄 emotionally inarticulate ass 🚶) by showering you in praise and doing his best to be tender and gentle

↬and to be fair he'd be content w smothering u in praise and kisses for the rest of the night n probably would if u let him 🧎🧎 please snap this mf back to reality by yanking his hair n whining for more

↬in which case he will be happy to oblige 😚 he's def the type of person to get off on his partners pleasure so that being said this mf will make sure u cum on his tongue at least twice before properly fucking you

↬whenever hes drunk he tends set a rather slow pace but dont let that fool you 🧎 the entire thing is so fucking intimate oh my lord you will be seeing stars by the time he's done w you

↬his thrusts r much deeper n more precise than usual and he puts one of ur legs on his shoulder and has the other pressed up by ur head it really just enhances everything yk ?? 😁😁 (mating press kinda ??????? not exactly but)

↬he ends up alternating between leaving (more) hickies on ur neck n shoulders and actually kissing you as well (your lips r gon be bruised asf by the end of it all sorry 🔥💯)

↬even drunk he loves to overstimulate you omfg 🤤 loves seeing you get all teary-eyed from the pleasure (even better if u actually cry 😏🕶️🤏) bc to him it shows that he's done a good job

↬aftercare w drunk chuuya is a lil sloppy tbh 😕 probably immiediately passes tf still inside u after pressing like a final kiss to ur forehead LMFAOOO

↬but dw he makes it up to u in the morning !!!!! after taking care of his hangover first tho 💀 once he's feeling better himself, he'll def offer to draw u a bath and, lets pretend he has the day off here, after that all he rlly wants to do is cuddle for the rest of the morning

↬do not bring up how clingy he was last night LMFAOOO his face will get so red so fast (unless ofc thats ur goal in which case go right on ahead 😚😚😚)

↬please do, however, kiss his forehead and tell him that u love him n that he did a good job last night

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd x reader #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #city.journalist #nero.after.dark #cotton.candy.clouds #gn.afab.reader #gn.reader

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bpd-black · 7 years

Text

hey guys, so this is gonna be a long ass post, but here’s the tldr version: i love you and i hope you continue to learn about yourselves, and advocate for your mental wellbeing cause y'all are literally so beautiful and important and an integral part of our universe, the world literally wouldn’t be the same without you ✊🏾💕

SO, i just wanted to let y'all know that if you’ve ever messaged me (and this is for my black followers, btw, the rest of y'all … i don’t know why tf you’re here, but none of this is for you so ✌🏾bye, you can leave lol) please please know that i almost always read whatever’s in my inbox right away, and that i do care about your questions and what you have to say, even when i don’t answer right away or at all. you guys reaching out to me is NEVER bothersome. NEVER dumb. NEVER ridiculous. and tbh, it’s always flattering to think anyone would come to me w/ mental health concerns, considering that this blog literally started as a place for me to just vent out into the void & that i used to block anyone that followed me, lol.

(i jus didn’t want people to follow my blog ??? idk, i just felt like i had no other outlet to scream, and i was in a really bad place back then, idek, it made sense at the time. anyway, NOW this blog is a place for me to store information, affirmations and links to resources that i find informative or helpful. and i actually really love getting feedback (cough and validation cough) from you guys 💖 so pls, just know that you mean a lot to me.)

THE THING IS, though: i’m still not a professional. and when it comes to something as serious as mental health (especially in the black community) i just feel like i still have too much learning to do and too much healing to do before i’m qualified to offer any real advice. rn, all i have to say to most of y'all is ‘damn, thas unfortunate, me too’ and i really don’t want to give anyone a half assed answer like that, lol. it might take me a while to research what you wanna know, so yeah. bls be patient with me.

also i kinda wanted to introduce myself, since i don’t think i’ve ever posted an intro on this blog lol:

in summary, i’m a twenty one year old black girl, gay as hell, still living at home, still unemployed, still on leave from college, and still struggling just to shower and get out of bed every day :)) which sucks and i hate my life rn and i battle with like, intense self hatred cause a lot of my family is very disappointed in me and, quite frankly, i’m very disappointed with myself.

moving on, lol, more about my mental state: i’ve only ever been professionally diagnosed with depression and gad, though i personally believe i experience too many bpd symptoms to rule out the possibility that i am, in fact, borderline, and so i consider myself as such.

(( a small rant about that real quick: imo, and tbh, labels are just terms that researchers make up to help organize studies, keep track of patterns, and come up with plans and solutions to help large groups of people. so, basically, i am a strong advocate of NOT beating yourself up too much when it comes to finding the ‘right’ label for you and NOT attacking someone else that you don’t think ‘fits’ the description for a disorder or illness according to your research. like, yeah, fake ass neurotypicals are annoying as hell and they can all choke but ! the only person who really knows what’s going on in someone’s brain is that person themselves. and NO ONE owes you a dissertation on their mental struggles just to ‘prove’ they’re in pain. so, imo !!! it’s just a lot more important to recognize and identify what SYMPTOMS you struggle with, and the severity of said symptoms, and worry about umbrella terms later !! cause that insight will make it easier to look for help and advice and !! mental illness and personality disorders are all on a spectrum. so yeah. go easy on yourselves 💕 anyway, i struggled a lot with that concept, and for far too long, SO just wanted to get that out of the way before i continue (hope that made any sense) but i digress!!! ))

i also struggle with both intrusive and suicidal thoughts, a few minor self destructive habits, and i’m currently taking medication for my depression and anxiety. and tbh, though i still have some pretty terrible days, i will say the meds have helped a LOT. and i’m so glad, cause i’m the first in my family to openly take medication for a mental illness (stigma stigma god fucking stigma) and i was so so scared the meds would just make it worse, but they didn’t, so yeah :)

also, and this is a bit personal (but i’m willing to be a bit vulnerable with you guys, if it’ll help anyone at all) but, i planned on killing myself last year. it didn’t happen (evidently lol) but i ended up staying at the hospital for a week and then participating in a two week partial program after that. i’m currently looking for a new partial program or support group that i can join, and i’m trying to get a job and get back to school.

also, i have been seeing a therapist since my senior year of high school (which !!is a bit of a wild tale tbh, but long story short, my parents literally refused to believe mental illness was a real thing for the longest time. and it wasn’t until i told them i literally wouldn’t graduate high school if i didn’t get some help that they believed me.) my first two therapists were awful racist white women (still fuckin hate them btw) but my third therapist was a really cool white woman who actually introduced me to my current therapist who is this really amazing black woman and so far, i feel like she’s been the best fit for me. but i’ve very recently had to put my therapy sessions on pause cause i’m poor as hell and couldn’t pay for them anymore, so yeah. and, tbh, that’s really been stressing me the fuck out as of late, but what i’m trying to do is make the most of whatever other resources are available to me (helplines, textlines, self care strategies, forums, blogs, google, etc.) and i still have a social worker so idk, i should be okay 👌🏾

anyway, that was a lot of oversharing but, now you all know where i am atm ;) and i only share this with you guys cause a lot of asks i receive are about feeling like shit for not knowing what pd you have, or about being too poor to afford good health care, or not knowing how to convince your conservative ass black parents that you’re dying and need help and like !!! all of those topics are so so important to me on a very personal level !!! and i wanna help y'all so bad. but tbqh, i’m still trying to figure this shit out myself 😕 so, what i’m hoping is, just by letting you know more about my experience and being as honest as i can about it, at least one of you readin this might feel a little less lonely dealing with your pain. idk.

anyway, second to last thing: fr tho, i hope y'all know that it is both a rare, and amazing trait to be as insightful as so many of you are. even just trying to figure out ‘god, what is wrong with me’ and taking the time to do the research, is self care. it’s defiance. it’s acknowledging that a better life is possible, and it’s straight up refusing to settle for the pain you’re in now, for a life less fulfilling than what you know you deserve. i feel like the generations before us didn’t do that enough (with good reason, tbh, even today it’s still hard to know who we can trust) but it’s high time black people start healing our minds and our hearts. so power to you ✊🏾

and yeah. that’s all i wanted to say this morning. i’ve been wanting to say all that for a while, but wasn’t sure where the hell to start. i just hope that was all coherent and made sense, lol. don’t ever hesitate to message me guys. i may be an emotional wreck that takes too long to reply, but i do love you. lol.

and please please please continue to research things on your own as well, like. keep up with the latest studies, the TED talks, the blavity articles, the mental health blogs etc. etc. learn as much as you can about how to take the best care of you, even if my executively dysfunctional ass can’t help right away lol.

also !! (last thing, i promise) a quick update about this blog: i edited it a bit, namely my tagging system, to make it a bit more useful. i won’t go through all my tags here (maybe i’ll add an about page and a tag page later) but, for example, there’s my new affirmations tag (full of helpful reminders that i like to think about everyday) my positivity tag (just, yk, positive shit that makes think positive thoughts) and my black tag (whatever content i feel like pertains to just my fellow black + mentally ill peeps, cause lbr a lot of our struggles only happen at the intersection of both identities) 💕

i also have a music tag for music recommendations!! cause i like to believe music is very healing all on its own ;)

AAAAND that’s it lol 😘 stay safe out there guys !! this world is wild but, tbh, we know better than anyone what it means to make the very most out of our lives no matter what. happy black history month 🖤

#bpdblack.txt #ask #about me #blackness is ethereal #recovery #medication #self dx #hospitalization #bpd

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