#and it's giving me anxiety for tumblr to recommend so much out of nowhere

[petrichoraline]

oh god i feel so much anxiety when i have to rush to watch an episode live i just can't do it! so then when i'm mentally prepared everyone has talked about everything and i get overwhelmed by how many posts there are on the tag... it's a whole thing wish i could be normal about these things but alas

i'm sorry you feel that way too :') it's a very common experience whether you create content, so to say, or not - trying to enjoy things with everyone else but the everyone else in question seems to always be there first. everything that could be said already said and everything that could be created - shared and done with. sometimes it's like going to a party an hour late and realising everyone present had actually been camping in front of the house and entered the second the clock struck 7:00. by the time you arrive everyone has danced to all the best songs, eaten all the good snacks, discussed all the fun gossip and is just chilling while you are standing in the middle of the room bursting with energy.

or something.

other times it feels like a race where you were taking a sip of water and suddenly all the other runners are nowhere to be seen - you start running but they teleport right behind you as they're already on their second lap - then disappear just as quickly. alternatively, you're supposed to be doing a marathon for fun together with the same goal in mind but suddenly you're on the ground. you try to ask for them to wait but all you're doing is breathing in dust.

something along those lines.

the good thing is the content is there for you to enjoy and people are always happy to discuss the things they are passionate about!! i'd recommend focusing on a few blogs whose stuff you like, maybe asking them to tag you when they post if they do this sort of thing or asking for their thoughts on certain things you're curious about. as for the tag, honestly considering most shows release an episode per week, i think going through the tag and scrolling for a bit every day is the easiest way to get as much content in as possible, maybe keep a tab open and scroll from the bottom upwards and open new ones occassionally?

i know it's overwhelming and it's a bit tough to deal with but at the end of the day we consume as much content as we can and with popular shows it's often going to be more than we can take in, especially when following multiple ongoing series at once. don't take it to heart and don't give in to the feeling of missing out - it's not something to stress over, it's supposed to be fun and when you take fandom too seriously to the point it mkes you nervous you should take a step back. i'm currently on tumblr way less, not because i've gotten a life but because the site feels like it's sucking the remaining life out of me. don't rush, watch things when you want to, enjoy however much content you can whenever you feel like it and just fuck it! have fun!!! nobody is paying us, no one is threatening us, prioritize FUN above all else when it comes to fandom, okay? it's not that serious, it never was <3 sending sm love and many hugs 💖

#so sorry for not answering earlier #lots of love hope you get to read this <3 #petri replies

[serving-sizes]

why am i suddenly getting recommended a flood of mpreg blogs. it is one of my very few strict no's. [tumblr] please stop that. men with nice juicy tits aren't inherently pregnant, please i am begging you to understand this

#though this begs the question in my head #would an mpreg person be a dilf...? #i don't remotely go here and i am sorry if those post shows up for anyone who does #please know i do not judge you for liking it. you do you #it's just very very much not my thing #and it's giving me anxiety for tumblr to recommend so much out of nowhere

[xavadak3davrax]

Crisis of lust /George Weasley

Lawyer!George

Summary: Fred and George are the most powerful lawyers England has seen in years and y/n is fresh out of college and looking for a place to do her internship. What happens when George decides to hire her? A lot of things.

Warnings: Smut (18+), daddy kink, dom/sub (Dom George) and if you squint very much dom y/n for mere seconds. Spanking, female receiving oral, male receiving oral, unprotected sex (because somehow I find that hot lol).  There’s angst and fluff and mentions of things such as anxiety and more sad moments but nothing extreme!

a/n: this is lawyer George, it’s 11.7 k words. I got carried away and ended up making this in only one part aha. As always English in not my first language, any mistakes or wrongly worded phrases, please excuse me. Titles are not my thing so yeah this is just horrendous. As a lot of people around tumblr say: don’t be shy, reblog! Thank you so much to everyone who even takes time to read my stuff. Love you all!

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Weasley’s Law Firm was the most famous law firm in whole England. They were known for hiring the best of the best. They also got the worse of the cases there is. Fred and George worked extremely hard on those cases and that’s what got them where they are today. Every murder case there was they were the first, people came to.

They had all the knowledge, all the experience, all the fame. Although they started small, they very quickly became who they are today because they are that good. Now both of them only take on the biggest cases and usually they came from very famous people, otherwise they keep themselves busy by taking their firm a step further.

While Fred was busy working on a case from a famous singer who was now being accused of murdering his wife and a whole lot of love affairs in between, George was working on another very important thing.

Interns. Every year their firm hired at least two interns. Becoming an intern for them was extremely difficult, and the skills required were almost never met (reason why they either ended up with one intern, or none at all). The type of work they needed from them was not fetching coffee or take some copies of some documents. They required their help all the time and their knowledge. Last year they had taken two, top of the class and they showed to be so good they recommended them to another very good law firm that took them in that moment. How could they not? Coming from the Weasley Firm they were the best of the best.

This year however things were proven to be a lot more difficult. It looked like anyone wanted to join them, people with so little qualification that George wondered how they even met the requirements to apply to their firm. Universities usually advised certain students, who they knew not to be good, or had the necessary demands, to just not attempt their chance at it.

George’s headache was even stronger now, and it only had been two hours since he started.

“Mate need your help.” Fred’s voice took him out of his trance and made him look at his brother. George nodded and Fred put the documents on his secretary. Pointed with his head towards them and George picked them up and had a look.

“Oh shit.” George said, laughing a little loudly. “She was involved with his assistant. That does make him suspicious. Finds out his wife his sleeping with his assistant, feels betrayed, takes his chance when she’s in the pool, makes it look like an accident.” George looked at his brother who nodded.

“I mean yeah, but to confirm that theory we need acces to the cameras he has displayed around his house. He’s been refusing that since the beginning, told him how that makes him a suspicious and that he should just give us those, since we’re trying to help him not get convicted. Any advice?”

“Ginny is very good with persuasion, maybe we should give her a call? She’s always our best chance.” George suggested, and when Fred widen his eyes, he knew he had had a brilliant idea.

“Yeah thanks mate. I will. By the way still looking for interns?” Fred nodded to the papers in front of him. He had to look through every curriculum.

“Yes, this year is proving to be hard. Everyone thinks they can get in, almost everyone had a bad average grade.” He brough his hands to his red bright hair and pulled at his hard, letting a groan leave his mouth. “Can’t take this shit anymore.”

Fred came around the secretary and leaned down next to him to get a better look at the people he was looking at. All of sudden his hand came to the table and pointed at girl. “Look, she finished top of her class, with 20.” George opened his eyes and looked at where he was pointing.

“How did I miss her?” it came out in a whisper, only because George was a little loss at her beauty. Sure he had seen a lot of beautiful girl applying to his firm, and he had a lot of them working for them, but he never saw anyone like her.

He tried to pull if thought out that. She was no minor, after all she had finished college and was looking for a place to do her internship at, but that didn’t mean it would not be wrong.

“I don’t know, but you did. And let’s look at the rest…” Fred said in a wondering voice his finger coming over the list of names. “You also have, his name is Elias, he’s in the same situation as y/n.” He looked at his brother, then got up from the crouched position he was in. “You were making a big fuss. I mean I clearly understand your point, besides these two no one else is even close. But I found you the interns. I have to do your job and mine.” He joked in the end earning from George a punch in his arm. That made Fred groan.

“Go on about your day asshole, I will take care of the rest. But thanks for the help.” George screamed the last part a little because Fred was already exiting the door and closing her.

So George arranged his secretary so the only things in front of him was y/n’s and Elias resumes and applications so he could read them and actually decide if they were to be hired or not. And if yes proceed to send an email to them to tell them the news.

Some people might think they would prefer to give this job to their secretaries and let them do this. But one year they did that, and ended up with some of the worse people they could find, just didn’t know how to do the simplest of jobs. It might sound mean, but they had a reputation to maintain.

So every year they alternated had to who had this job. This year it had been him. And after an hour of so of reading everything, he did decide to hire them. So he proceed to write their acceptance email.

⚘

y/n was sitting in her sofa, a tub of her favorite ice cream in her hand. She was in her last week of collage (ever) and she was patiently waiting to receive any type of email from the firm she had applied to do her internship.

She would be lying also if she said she hadn’t receive some emails already accepting her. The problem? Well they were all last options, those were she said to herself ‘if I don’t get in it I will need something to cushion the fall’ her mother had told her that expression and it stuck with her to this day.

y/n really, really wanted to work for The Weasleys. They were the best of the best, everyone was racing to get a place in their firm. She wanted to be confident, with her grades how could she not? But she also knew a lot of people were had good has her, she for sure would be competing with the best of the best.

She was close to answering one of the emails of the firms she already got an email from.

She sighed. Looked at the pot of ice cream and then got up to go get her computer. When she had it she came back to the sofa and slumped on the couch and groaned quietly. That stupid horrid anxious feeling coming down on her. Every time for the last few days when she was to open her pc that’s how she felt. That desire to see an email from that firm.

When she opened it for a few seconds she didn’t get any notifications.

“Fucking stupid computer.” She muttered, sometimes her pc didn’t connect to the Wi-Fi and she hated that. Because then she would get millions of notifications that she didn’t get because she wasn’t connected. But it connected a few seconds later and she was flooded with messages.

In between all of those if she wasn’t paying any attention she would’ve missed it, probably deleted it too. The email she was so dreading. She didn’t know how they worked. Did they sent an email if you didn’t get in? or did they just sent if you got in? some firms would do both. Not that y/n had gotten any, every single one was accepting her and very eager to work with her.

With trembling fingers, and her breath caught in her throat she open the email, but closed her eyes quickly before she could read what it said.  

“breath, everything is going to be ok. Even if you don’t get in, you have a lot of other option.” She pepped talked herself, and then after what felt like an eternity to compose herself, opened her eyes and started reading.

Her mouth moved but no sound came out as she read through every word. The words “congratulations” “we’ve accepted you” “we wait for your response for further meetings” making her mind go dizzy. And then a scream left her lips.

“I got in, Oh my god I got in.” She almost threw her computed on the ground from how happy she was. Every night she didn’t sleep, every night out she had denied her friends, every hour in the library and every cent her parents had spent on her was worth it.

Her parents weren’t rich or even close to it, but they had promised her and her siblings that they would pay for their education until they could. When she had entered the best university and the most expensive she told her parents she would find work and pay for everything. They told her no. Her mom and dad found each a second job and payed for it, even finding a small flat in the middle of nowhere but still close to where she attended, for her to stay in. And now, everything they ever did for her was paying of.

After calming herself down she started to formulate a response to the email. And then proceeded to call her parents, steric and with a smile they were sure they could hear and see from the other side of the phone.

⚘

She started today. Although very happy and grateful for the opportunity she couldn’t help but let the nerves consume her. Some money she had money a little while a go from some old clothes she sold, she decided to spent it on a new suit. She didn’t very much like dresses, and skirts. In all the important meetings and presentations she had throughout her years in collage, she always wore suits.

But for her first day on the firm, and to give a good impression she couldn’t just wear one of the old ones. So she bought this black suit. The pants were all black and a little tight and came to rest on her ankles. The jacket of the suit had a little cleavage and was supposed to not be worn with anything underneath. She had only her bra in, one you wouldn’t be able to see. The jacket closed beautifully around her, and made some of the nerves subside. Her confidence radiating all over her. ´

She looked at herself one last time in her mirror and then picked up her purse and rested it on her shoulder.

“You can do this.” y/n murmured as she closed the door of her apartment and made her way to catch the bus. A bus were if her plans were correct, she would arrive 30 minutes earlier, but she didn’t care. She wouldn’t have to get in until the hour they had arranged, but at least she knew she would be there at said hour and not be late on her first day.

Can you imagine, being late on your first fucking day and give her (hopefully) new bosses that impression? They would deny her right then and there and she would not have the chance to show her potential.

As planned she arrived early. Their firm was one of the biggest and modern building in the city so it wasn’t hard to miss. She decided to get herself a little comfort drink while she made the time pass. When only five minutes were left for her interview she entered the firm. Everything was spacious, and very open and they got all the light in here that was possible. She felt small in such a big space. Although taking and studying law, she always had social anxiety. The friends she had were the most amazing people and took her right under their wing and always made her feel safe. She wishes they were here to help her.

“Hi, my name is y/n y/l/n, I’m here for an interview, I-“ her words came a little shaky. She took a deep breath and smiled at the lady behind the big counter, her face had a smile that made y/n a little less nervous.

“You’re here because you are the intern right?” she completed her sentence and then wrote something on her computer. “The other intern is also here. You both will be interviewed at the same time, Mr and Mr Weasley will both be in there to talk you through everything.” She gave her something of a smile. “You can take the lift, they’re in the last floor. Iris, their personal secretary will instruct you when to come in.”

“Thank you so much.” y/n said, bid her good day and then went on her way. When she got to the second floor she was met with a beautiful modern entrance that had some very good looking and comfortable chairs in. In the middle a glass table with some law magazines. ‘of course,’ she thought to herself ‘what else would they have here’ she laughed a little.

She she looked better she found a tall, blonde guy sitting in one of the chairs. The white button down he wore had hugging his muscles very well, y/n might’ve felt drool pulling in her mouth. It only intensified when she looked at his pants and the way they hugged his legs. His black necktie made everything look together. He didn’t wore a jacket that’s why. The jacket was hanging in the arm chair.

“You must be y/n.” he said, getting up from his position to come and greet her. His hand stretched out, the veins in his hands very prominent. She had to put herself together, she was here to work.

“Yes, and you are?” she was a little lost, the lady downstairs hadn’t told her his name, but told him hers.

“Elias, it’s a pleasure.”

“pleasure is all mine.” She smiled.

“The lady at the front told me to wait here, she will call us when they’re ready for us. Do you for any reason know how they look?” He asked quietly trying not to bring attention from the people working in this floor. From what y/n understood, their offices were here, and their secretary was also here but some other people worked here to. Potential important lawyers?

“Ahm… no, not really. Tried to look them up but no photos. Very private aren’t they? Wonder how they do it, being so well known among everyone. Specially famous people.” y/n said when she brought her thoughts to focus on Elias again. She sitting next to him and they chatted for a little, until they were called.

“They will see you now. You can go down the hall, and it’s the last door to your right. It’s the meeting room.” Iris spoke eloquently, and that made y/n and Elias share a worried look before they got on their merry way.

“That made a little nervous, I mean, didn’t expect much less from someone who works with such big people, but… you know what I mean?” Elias spoke, worry in his voice. Not being able to form many words do to her being nervous, y/n just nodded.

“Do the honors.” y/n managed to let out, a small and brief smile on her face. Elias opened the door after knocking and hearing a ‘come in’ from inside.

The table wasn’t full of people but fore sure y/n would have a hard time, until they introduced themselves, knowing who Fred and George were. They had invited other lawyers, she assumed, from their position and all, she had to be. She was now regretting accepting this.

“Please com in and have a seat.” One man with spiky, red hair pointed to the chairs that had y/n’s and Elias name. They proceeded to do just that.

“I’m George, this is my brother Fred, and these are some of our best lawyers. Please don’t be frightened we just like to make sure the interns we are giving a chance have actual potential and are not just ‘grades’, that’s why they are here.”

y/n had to swallow very hard and hope to not be heard. If she was gonna have to work here and look at that all day was she gonna be able to do it? God helped her. If she thought Elias was attractive mere ten minutes ago… what did she thought of these two men, who were clearly twins but somehow had differences that made her more attractive to the one who was speaking.

“We are going to make a series of questions, from all of us and see how you answer and handle very specific situations. “ It was Fred speaking, he held what she expected to be a smile on his face, while his brother had a way more serious demeanor.

They nodded, not knowing if they should speak or not. George held his eye on the girl slightly longer than he did on Elias. She was more beautiful here than in the picture she had presented in her portfolio.  How could he handle that? And if they kept her she was to work on their floor all the time? He needed to control himself, now.

The questions started and they alternated between y/n and the boy next to her, making sure the majority of the questions were different for both of them, to actually see their potential and not some copy of the others answer.

When it ended y/n felt like her heart could be heard by everyone around her and that it would come out of her chest. She didn’t have a very good perspective on things, in a way, if they were good or bad. So she didn’t know if she had done a good job, the faces everyone had at the table didn’t help a little.

Elias gave her a look, a reassuring one. And under the table, like they’ve knew each other for years he squeezed her hand gently.

“I think you both did an amazing job, I think everyone agrees?” Fred gave a questioning look around, starting at his brother and then to their co-workers. Everyone was nodding. “So I think this is all, you are hired as our interns.”

She could scream again, like she did when she had gotten the email saying she was accepted. But she controlled herself. Gave Elias hand a squeeze back and when everyone got up they both followed them.

“I think my brother will now sort with you both every last detail. I won’t be present mainly because I have an import case to work on, but we trusted each other with our lives. So you won’t miss me.” Fred tried to loosen the mood with a small inexistent joke.

Everyone started to leave and only left George, y/n and Elias there.

“If you would follow me please, my office will be a bit more comfortable than these chairs.” He passed through them and like lost puppies they followed to his office.

They spent hours talking about everything. George wanted them to be on the same page, and following everything precisely. y/n tried her best to memorize every word he said, but it started to get harder when after a while George felt bored of his position and dragged his chair away from his desk and then crossed his right leg over his left knee, leaving him in a powerful and extremely hot position that made y/n have to cross her legs and try to be as discreet as possible while trying to alleviate some of the pressure she had.

Why was she acting like a stupid teenager? For heavens sake, this was her work place, that was her boss, and she should not even thinking about him as other than that. But when his hands came to rest on his crotch her attention switched to the very prominent bulge he presented. Her eyes were not there for even a minute, but she still felt guilty when she looked up to see him looking at her. She looked away fast. He continued with what he was saying.

y/n hoped Elias was oblivious to the situation.

After while George got himself of that position and looked at both of them.

“This is everything, if for any reason something comes up you can always ask Iris, or any other thing, email me or my brother or ask Iris to speak with us. Right?”

He popped his tong and proceeded to get up when everything was settled.

⚘

Their first official day started the next day. And then after that is was smooth sail for a while. y/n helped Fred a lot in his cases and he loved how she was just so vibrant to have around. Took him a while to get her out of her shell, to show her she could treat him as a friend rather then her boss. He felt like he somehow could trust her a lot and when they were very concentrated on a job and they were both tired he would tell her bits and pieces of his life. Usually about his girlfriend Angelina and how they’ve been tighter for years and he is thinking of proposing. Or how he feels old and wished he could be an intern all over again. To which y/n would say:

“Aren’t you considered the youngest and most successful lawyer of all time?” Those were facts, Fred and George were in fact all of that. At twenty five they had a massive empire, that they built from scratch and with only the help of a very few close ones.

He would share small details of his childhood, of him and George. Usually those gave y/n some hope that George would one day be to her what Fred was to her. But until now all she got from him were small short and cold answers from anything she was working on. Usually Fred asked her to go bribe them out of him. Elias was the one who worked more closely to George and even him was usually in other lawyers offices doing close work with them.

“George is stubborn and weird sometimes. He always loves to work with you lot, I don’t understand why this year is different.” Fred stated, looking at y/n for a moment and shrugging when he couldn’t find an answer to it.

“Mister knows everything and everything needs some closure, is now left speechless.” y/n joked and they both laughed a little loud. His office door open because the case they were working on required y/n to leave all the time in search for answers. They didn’t notice George at the door.

He cleared his throat. Fred looked at him, and y/n that on the other side of the desk, back to George turned around to also look.

“Elias is sick and had to go home, I have come important matters to take care of, would it be a nuisance if y/n could do it?” She noticed he spoke more to his borther than to her.

“Sure, what she was doing can continue tomorrow or whenever Elias comes back. Right y/n?”

“Yes of course. Mr. Weasley you just have to show me what to do.” She got up and showed herself ready to work. After her first day her clothes were a little bit more casual, but she still wore pants, but George still had dificlty in not imagining those beautiful legs wrapped around his head.

‘Get your head out of your gutter George’ he always thought to himself when these thoughts came, ‘she’s young, and working for you.’

“Yes, come with me.” He instructed and turned around to leave. y/n waved to Fred and closed the door after she left. She knew her work with him wasn’t nearly done, but without Elias she would have to split herself in two and help both of them. Since Fred always had her help, he would have to to what he could for the time being without her.

“We have to through all these voice messages, the case calls for it and four ears are better than just two.” His voice was always so serious how could he work like this? Elias never complained to y/n on their lunch break or when they decided to do something outside work, that almost always ended up in work talk. They just didn’t have much in common besides that.

“yes sure, can you give me paper and pen or a pencil will do just fine.” George gave her a puzzled look “Well with Mr. Weasley every time there’s voice calls or something we take notes to pin point important stuff.” George knew that by Mr. Weasley she meant Fred but she knew that outside she called him Fred, they were that close. She had only ever heard Mr. Weasley came out of her mouth when it was related to him.

“Yeah you’re totally right. Here. Have this.” He gave her the notebook in front of him, the one that had all the important notes on the case. She sat down on the chair in the same place of Fred’s office and waited for him to start the audios.

She placed her head on her hand, and her elbow was resting on the desk. She looked at George who just started the audios and the tried to concentrate. Silently throughout all the time she was there she took many notes, George was a little taken aback, what was he missing that she clearly wasn’t, when it ended she looked at him. He barely had time to start something because she started first.

“So according to the first call, the lady in question didn’t know the person on the other side, but that person knew her very well, otherwise how could they be so sure of such personal information. The thing was she wasn’t paying attention and didn’t notice any of the signs of what was to come.” y/n started, and when she continued talking and demonstrated so well everything he didn’t dare to interrupt her. Although by the end he knew the girl in front of him has just solved him the case. He was also a little embarrassed because some of his notes were not has good as hers.

“You just solved me a casa.” George said astonished with what had just happened, his mouth opened in surprise and the look y/n gave him was brilliant.

“Did I? Really?” She couldn’t hold her happiness, although working here for a while and helping, and having done so much, Fred usually referred that she had done much more than any other intern they’ve had, she hand’t actually solved a case by herself. Fred and her always came to conclusions together.

“Yes, yes you just did.” George couldn’t believe that the case he has been working on for the last week and a half, and that he was getting to a road with no end was just solved. When he decided to listen to the audios he didn’t expect much from them because he thought he had worked through everything. Well, he guessed wrong. “Do you have any idea what this case might’ve costed me hadn’t you just solved it?” George wondered out loud. She denied, not being able to form words. The way he was looking made her panties soak, which is a current occurrence because every time she see him even from a far he manages to do something to her.

“It would cost us millions of dollars and very bad fame. You see we are working with some of the most influential people England has. Winning is very important.” George said.

“I thought every person you worked with was influential and important?” It came out a genuine question.

“These people can manipulate everything around them, if they wanted to end mine and Fred’s career, they could with a snap of their fingers. Winning them this case on the contrary, will give us something in all out time working he never had in this scale.” He stated. “Thank you so much for your help.”

Well that was first, y/n never heard him say a ‘hi’ to her, and a ‘thank you’ to anyone else.

“You can go have your luch now, I’ve kept you here for… oh for a long time.” He said when he looked at the hours. Two o’clock was away past their lunch our. Fred hadn’t come knockinh why? They always had lunch together. “How about had as a thank you I offer you lunch?” What a bold fucking move George Weasley, what will people think if they see you out and about with your little intern ahm? ‘Fuck that’ George thought to himself.

“Is it appropriate?” way to ruin the opportunity y/n, she thought.

“Lunch as co-workers of course. Celebrating early the win.”  He persuaded, now that he was all in, might as well convince her. When she nodded he continued. “Well have you ever tried the Italian on the main street?”

He meant the beautiful restaurant that looked straight out a movie? The one she’s been eyeing since she started working here, but the prices have kept her way because lord forbid her of spending fifty pounds on a fucking meal?

“I was thinking maybe something more on my price range?” She suggested, trying not to offend him, or look poor in front of him. She wasn’t and the money she received working for them was good but she started to pay for her stuff now, to relieve her parents of the bills and so money was always a little tight on her side.

“None sense, I will pay for us both. No one needs to know. Now come on, or we will eat our lunch when we’re suppose to be snacking” He was already getting up, got his jacket of the back of the chair in a swift motion and walked to the door.

No one was to be seen in the hall, which was weird given the hour of the day. Everyone came from lunch and this was the hour of chatting a little bit, drink a coffee or something else and going to the bathroom before resuming their work. Some forces where on their side because besides Iris, no one saw them leave together. And Iris was nice enough to keep everything to her.

The restaurant was to the brim. y/n thought they would have to wait hours or not even have a place. But the very nice employee at the front, as soon has he saw George swiftly pull them in and into one of the best tables they had.

“I’m a regular.” He justified, when they were seated and her eyes weren’t on him for once but instead on the menu.

“yes of course.” She wanted to had, and the most powerful man there is, but she kept that to her.

“If you have any doubts choosing I would suggest the chicken marsala.” Did he think, even though she had just solved his case, that she was dumb? The tone in his voice suggested everything but a suggestion. It was almost a command. What type of fifty shades was this? Although she did like the dominant side he radiated to her.

“Sure, I’ll have that.” And George gestured to the employee working around the tables on the place they were before starting their request. And while they waited they talked. In just few minutes he felt like he was Fred in there. Because y/n was talking openly and so freely that he couldn’t believe she was doing that to him.

It felt nice for her hear her talk like that, like she had no worries and that she felt safe in speaking to him like that. He also talked and y/n was surprised he even wanted to share something with him.

“I also lived in a flat while studying, me and Fred shared one I mean.” He corrected. “Two teenagers leaving alone in a apartment after coming from a big family? Sweet, we were in paradise.” When y/n laughed he had do contain the smile that was to appear on his face.

“I can’t even begin to imagine what two boys would do all alone.” Her tone was suggestive. George coughed a little trying to hide the smirk in his face. If she was trying to rile him up and get something out of him it was working.

“law if difficult, but we never studied they way some of our pears did. We partied, and people were impressed because they never expected the best parties to come from law students, yet, they did come from us. Took us a while after collage to build our reputation to what it is today, a lot of people didn’t take us seriously. Then Fred hit the jackpot with a giant case and things just grew from there. I had my big moment a few months later.”

Now that was all information y/n had no idea about. Fred never shared that with me.

“Fred shared a lot of things with me but never that. I’m shocked.” When George looked at her accusingly but in a joking manner she found herself correcting what she said. “I mean, it’s just… I’m sorry, but you both have this like dominant strong image around you that it’s hard to think you ever did party. There’s zero photos of you on the internet, all of your cases have closed doors. I mean? People create an image, even if not the correct one, about you.”

“You have a point there. You have very good points that I didn’t have any idea about. But then again Fred took you all to him so it’s hard to know anything.”

“Mr. Weasley just likes the way I work.” She felt the need to justify herself almost immediately.

George rolled his eyes a little. “Still, you are working for both of us and although Elias does a good job I found out only today how hard working you are.”

If he was trying to make her feel guilty or sometime of thing it wasn’t working.

“Well, Mr. Weasley, I never worked for you because first, today was the first time you actually felt the need to call me and only because it was urgent and Elias wasn’t there and because every time I try to ask you something, for Mr. Weasley’s work you always answer me shortly.” She stated. George lost words at that, but only for a brie moment.

The next words that came from George were fast and wouldn’t have made any sense if y/n didn’t have all her attention on the beautiful man in front of her.

“I don’t have you work for me because, “he stopped for a moment, thinking his brain might stop him there, but was wrong, “because it is wrong to fantasize about someone who works for you, someone who is your boss. Is it not?”

Her cheeks started to feel warm, and her body was next. She squeezed both hands together and crossed her legs tighter tightly, the warmth from earlies mixing with we warmth from now.

“It is profession to crush on your boss?” She wanted to come out like is words hadn’t just affected her, but it came out shyly instead. George’s breath came out uneven and he put both of his hand on top of the table and closed is hands into fists is knuckles turning white from the force. He breath very deeply, y/n watched his nostrils flare and his eyes turning a very dark shade.

“It is. But I guess we’re both bad at keeping things professional.” He wanted to ass more but their food arrived and he was forced to tidy up is posture and look like he wasn’t hard under his pants.

They ate in silence. And when they finished George paid for their food, and when they got up he put a hand on the end of her back, almost at the curve of her ass.

“We should keep things professional.” y/n got way from his touch and looked at him. “Wouldn’t want to loose my job because I wanted to fuck my boss no?” The smile she gave him made him know that wasn’t scared of what they had said at the table. And that if both of them found it hard to hide the sexual tension before, now that they were both made aware that it was returned, it would be even more difficult.

⚘

George ended up winning the case that same week. Fred had made Elias and y/n work very little that day and in their floor they did a small celebration party due to the fact that this was major win for them. Everyone wanted an interview with both of them, their phones hadn’t stopped ringing. Iris had to put it on hold so she could come celebrate with them since they had insisted. They were in the meeting room, and although they were known around, Elias and y/n stayed in a little corner, champagne in their small cups a little bit of cake in their hand. Elias had chocolate and y/n had red velvet.

“You know we are not alone in this room right?” Fred asked his brother, coming up next to him and bumping his shoulder. George looked at him questioningly. “You know other people will notice if you continue to look at her like you wanna rip her clothes of.” Fred joked and laughed when George mumbled angrily under his breath. He was regretting telling George what had happened at lunch and even more so telling him the crush he’s had on his intern since she started. Although Fred stated, and very well, that of the crush he already knew. If any of the thing either one or the other did that made him have his confirmations. It was small things Fred would notice. Like every time George came into his office and almost every time he had nothing of interest to say, he would find a stupid excuse that Fred was always to nice to snitch on him in front of her. Or how her looked lingered a little to much when she was in his presence, and how Fred had to call her name various times before she looked at him again.

How George only seem to need something from him in the hours y/n was in his office. How, if she wasn’t there, George would be caught red handed with nothing to say or do, because he just wanted to look at her.

“Shut up.” He said angrily. “Stop trying to make me do something irrational. It’s wrong. And we’re not in the right place to have that conversation.” He wanted this conversation to be the end of it, however Fred was not done.

“You know I don’t mid right? If things are done correctly I wouldn’t mind.” Fred looked at his brother. They were both tall, taller than almost everyone in the room, so they both had a good look over y/n and Elias at the end of the meeting room, close to the door.

“What is there to be done correctly? Haven’t you understand she works for us? And let me also tell you from what I’m seeing when her year long internship ends that the possibly of us hiring her is big?”

“If someone else doesn’t hire her first.” Fred said only to tease him. He was very much planning on hiring her, and planning on giver her a notice before the internship ended so they could assure her position in the firm.

“They won’t. We are the best of the best. And as you said before she had other opportunities but waited for ours. Do you think she would be stupid enough to say no?” George scoffed and then moved his head from side to side, his eyes still on the girl in green. She brought a suit today, she knew today was gonna be big and she had spoken briefly to George the other day and told him about it. She was gorgeous.

“Elias and her are alone in the corner, why don’t make yourself useful for once little brother and go talk to her. Oh look just faith speaking.” Fred said the last part when Elias was pushed to the side by one of his colleagues, a lawyer who was been working on a small case.  

George composed himself the best he could and made his way to her passing some people who were congratulating him again, and wanted to talk but he had her on his mind.

“May I just say, you were very impressive today, Mr. Weasley.” She beat him to it, speaking first. George had invited y/n and Elias to watch firsthand, front row seats at court. She was very thankful for such a big opportunity, she hoped one day she would be where George was, and be has amazing has he was presenting all the facts and making everyone subdue to him and his ever brilliant knowledge.

“Thank you. Couldn’t have done it without you y/n. You were brilliant, and I wish you could’ve been there. Be the one to defend.” He had his back turned to everyone in the room and since he was tall he covered y/n a little. He was lanky to she could still be seen.

“I think I will have many opportunities no? I mean working for your firm will give me a very good profile, and people will want me, that is, if you give good recommendations.”

“We could always skip the recommendations and hire you.” She looked at him her eyes big and shiny, having him say that made her heart beat a little faster. If she could work for them permanently and be a lawyer to them? Dream come true.

“That would be very nice, yes.” She tried to keep her cool, and then closed the distance between them, but trying to not make it to noticeable for other people not to see. Her mint scent hit his face and his teeth came to rest on his bottom lip, her closeness made him nervous. “Working for you permanently would be a challenge no?” she had her arms crossed, but uncrossed them to rest on hand on his arm and squeezed it. She was about to cross the biggest line there was.

“I could do so much more than working couldn’t I Mr. Weasley? I bet I would look good working on my knees, under your desk, only for you so see.” She spoke almost inaudible, only he could hear it and with the noise everyone was making he was sure they didn’t have a clue what she just said. To everyone else they were just chatting about his win.

George trembled and he had to put all his willpower into not doing something stupid. He had no words. And didn’t have time to say, Elias came up behind her and called her, and he lost all her attention. People had the nerve to always be interrupting them. She left, because they both had to work on something Elias needed help in, and y/n always ready to please, offered to.

⚘

After that, if they thought they had ever felt sexual tension, then they weren’t expecting to go through this. Fred couldn’t take George anymore, everyday in his office going on about how he needed to get laid. How lately he just felt like everything was building up and the work piling on his desk wasn’t helping.

“You should just go to y/n, I think she would be more than willing to help.” Fred hadn’t meant for his words to sound wrong and George understood where he was coming from. Fred felt y/n’s sexual tension before he even hit the floor at 8 am every morning. He even asked Angelina for some advice on how to try and make them understand that he was ok with them.

George wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. “You are no fucking help, ever. I might as well visit my ex.” He stated. In that moment y/n was knocking on the door, she was speaking before she was looking and knowing George was there. “Fred I brought you what you asked, and also some ideas for presents for Angelina.” She said, and finally looked up, every word she was gonna say next. She has just called him Fred in front of his brother. She would only say that if he was alone. Fred didn’t seem to mind.

“Thank you so much y/n. My brother here was just leaving right George? Me and y/n have some things to do.” He looked at George who huffed and left without another word to y/n.

“Sexual tension still?” She questioned, bold question to make to anyone but her and Fred were more than co-workers, they were friends now and he didn’t mind.

“Yes. You two should meet up.” Came Fred’s voice sounding uninterested, and y/n rolled her eyes as she sat in front of him starting her work. Fred looked at her when she wasn’t looking and wanted to laugh at the annoyed and very frustrated face she had.

When five hit the clock Fred got up, after staring to organize his desk minutes before.

“I’m going, don’t wanna be late to my date with Angelina. You’re staying?”

“Yes, there’s still so much to be done and the lady hasn’t stopped calling Iris today asking for anything we might know. This is going to take while.” y/n stopped what she was doing for a moment to look at Fred. “Do you want me to leave? I can go to my desk or the meeting room?” The desk she barely used, it’s only use now being of support to her bag and computer.

“No, you can stay I trust you. Just please don’t stay up to late. Tomorrow we can give her something to occupy her mind.” She nodded, and said goodbye as he left and closed the door behind him.

y/n only got up two hours later to turn on the light in room because it was already dark, but her brain so focused on what she was doing that she didn’t think much of it.  

“Fred are you seriously still working?” Came a sudden voice that scared her and made the pencil she held drop to the floor. “Shit sorry, y/n? Where’s Fred?”

“Mr. Weasley left sometime ago, a date with his girlfriend. He let me stay because I have to finish this.” She pointed to the papers in front of her and the proceeded to pick up the pencil. George came in and closed the door behind him. She had to prepare herself to bask in his presence, his knowledge and his extreme intelligence. y/n was not only fisically attracted to him, but also mentally. He was just so intelligent it was scary sometimes to work with him, even though she had helped him solve that case a sometime ago. It was still hard because she was afraid to make any wrong moves.

“Well I thought it was just him in here and was gonna tell him to drop his work and go home. It’s not him but it applies to you to. Besides I had to stay up late too, I’m the only one here and the security will want to close everything up in a short time. I bet if they had done their patrol already that you wouldn’t be here.”

“I will leave when they come here, but for now I have to really finish this.” She turned to her work again, trying to ignore his presence completely. He came closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Well I have nothing to do at home, I can help you with what’s left. Two heads are better than one.” He said. He pulled a chair from a corner and put it next to hers. She gave him some papers for him to analyze. “Surprising that Fred stayed with this case, i usually take care of financial stuff.” He said more to himself than anything but y/n heard.

“I think he only took it because I told him I like this type of cases and could help him. I’m doing most of the works, he’s working on the arguments and such.” She looked at George. Being the end of the day, he has his shirt unbuttoned, his tie was hanging from his left pocket of the jacket and he just had a tired look on him.

“Ah I see, stealing you all to himself.” y/n denied with her head. “Unfair, seen as he knows very well I’ve been meaning to talk to you since the party the other day. Or did you forget what you said?”

Shit, y/n wasn’t expecting him to act on it. But oh boy, how she was happy he did. Every dream she’s had since that day was of her on her knees sucking him of until he cums in her mouth. While he calls her little pet names and makes her stay with his cock in her mouth because it’s warm. And then in her dreams he would slap her ass, slap her little clit until she trembled and made her call him ‘daddy’. The name would come out shy at first and then when he was destroying her it would come out more strong and sure.

She swallowed hard and pressed her legs together.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He put his hand on her leg and pulled them apart, so her legs were separated and he looked at her sternly. “Keep him this way.” He demanded.

“I thought you were gonna help” she whispered, hand coming to rest on top of his and caressing his long fingers. Shit, they would hit every spot inside her so good.

“And I am, aren’t I? I’m attending to a more important and demanding matter.” His hand came up from her knee to her thigh and then leaned inside towards her core, he could feel all the heat radiating from there. She nodded and guided his hand to be right on top of her still clothed pussy.

“Please, help me.” She said sweetly and seductively, any doubts she had and concerns if the should even be doing this in the first place all melting away.

“Yeah? Want my help baby girl? Since you like to be so bossy and know it all, tell me, what do you want me to do?” George pressed his fingers, quickly finding her clit and letting the pressure there for a moment, a moan coming from her mouth.

“Undress me, and please touch my pussy. I’m so wet.” She pleaded.

“Then get up, come on now, be a good girl.” He sair almost impatiently, and saw her get up and fumble with the buttons of her jacket and then with the button of her pants. “Shit.” George was amazed how good she looked, the black panties and bra she had made her look even more delicious if that were possible. The panties were laced and so her wetness could be seen from them. “On the desk.” He instructed, and y/n without thinking did what he asked.

If Fred ever found out they had sex in his office he would never see the end of it and he might as well think about creating his own firm because… wow.

“I’m so wet.” She brought her hand to his hair and pulled on hit the groan that left George was brutal. “Please kiss it.”

George didn’t need to be told twice, he brought his lips to her covered pussy and kissed, although mixed with the fabric of her panties, he could very much taste her distinct, sweet, taste. He kissed it again, and again until she was restless enough to pull his head back her eyes a darker color.

“Take them of.” She order, George looked amazed at her commanding tone.

“be careful there little thing, might just stop here.” He had taken his hand to move her panties to the side exposing her engorged and redish clit, asking to touched. She mewled, her hand coming to rest on her belly and her fingers digging a little.

George took his mouth to her clit and sucked it gently, gaining from her the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. He sucked again so have that reaction again, her legs came to rest on his back pulling him to her. She moaned his name.

“Sound so fucking good moaning for me princess, just love it so much.” He took the moment she was distracted to rip her panties open, she gasped.

“What the fuck George.” She looked at him incredulously.

He slapped her thigh and squished it. “Watch you language there or daddy might just leave you hanging.”

The fact that not only had he used the word ‘daddy’, the word she so dreamed of him calling, he had also called himself that. He couldn’t be real.

“No please.” Any dominance she might have tried complete disappeared at his words. Two of his fingers played with her wet hole while his mouth kissed the inside or her thigs, kissed just above her pussy, above where she wanted to be touched the most. Her eyes closed and one hand was behind her, to support her and the other still on her belly.

He entered the two fingers, slowly, looking at her, at the way her head fell back, his name fell out of her mouth, and the hand on her tummy came to push him agains her cunt. Non verbally stating where she wanted his mouth to go.

HE wasted no time attacking her clit with his tongue, his fingers moving slowly in and her out her allowing to fill her, to be close to her.

“Daddy, shit.” Her legs slid down his back almost to his butt, they were shaking a little.

“You just so good baby girl, so sweet, fuck, I’ve been imagining this ever since I saw you. How tight you would be, how sweet, how responsive to your daddy.” He moaned, he was so hard the zipper on his trousers opened a little. His free hand came to unbutton and in a very messy way he pulled his boxers down and freed his cock.

His cock was swollen, red, and we was leaking the stinky susbstance y/n wanted to taste. It came slapping to his belly, rock hard. He put his hand on it stroking slowly letting some moans slip out of his lips, which came shocking against her clit and she shook.

“Fuck. Are you touching yourself daddy?” She asked innocently, pulling some of the red hair that had fallen onto his face to have a better view of his wet swollen lips, from mounding at her pussy.

“I am baby, I am, you just, taste so good, feel so warm and squishy.” All the vibrations from his voice were crashing on her clit making her even more sensitive.

“I- I’ gonna cum, George, fuck.” She was so close, so so close, but he stopped, seized his movements at her pussy but his fingers still buried inside of her.

“You’re gonna come, with me deep inside that little pussy, yeah baby?” He asked, moving away from her. Pulling his fingers, she sighed happily, and took his hand as soon as it was out her. Bringing her face close to his hand and putting his fingers in her mouth, sucking feverishly on them.

George groaned, the hand on his cock pressing his tip and he felt like he could come there at sigh.

“I wanna suck you cock daddy, please.”

“Since my girl asked so nicely, I can’t say no.” Hearing him say ‘princess’ ‘my girl’ made her stomach feel with butterflies, and her heart skip a beat. Shit this crush was way out of hand.

She bounced of the desk, and pushed his chair a little, the wheels helping her do so. She came down to her knees, the view making George think the most sinful things.

Her hand took his out and put it in his thick thighs. Her mouth close to his where she left small wet kisses. Her hand started to stroke him, coming from the base all the way to the rudy red tip. She took the pre-cum that was coming out and used it had lubricant making the sensation so much more intense to him.

She opened his legs to fit in between them and looked up at him for a brief moment, her pussy pulsing around nothing wishing to be touched. He had his head back, both hands at his thighs kneading the flesh there. His mouth opened looking like his was gonna moan but no sound came out.

She understood them we was trying to control himself.  

“Moan for me daddy, let me hear you. Let me know I’m making you feel good.” She squeezed his tip tightly and his hole body shook, a moan he couldn’t control of her name.

“You’re making me feel so good, shit, your hands are so small and can barely wrap around my thick shaft isn’t that right pretty princess? And why don’t you put that dirty mouth of your to work.” Her mouth came to meet his tip and engulfed it in her lips, sucking softly on it, her hands massaging the rest of his cock for now.

Her tongue playing with his tip and then she not so slowly took more of him into her mouth. Her hand resting on his balls and massaging them. And then coming up again twisting around the part of his cock she didn’t have in her mouth.

He put his hand on her hair, making a pony tail out it and helping her guiding her movements, even thought she didn’t need that, he just wanted to feel in control.

She breath in deepley and relaxes her throat and before he knew it she was taking him all of him in, hitting the back of her throat, gagging around him, her spit and his come dripping down the corners of her mouth.

“Sucking my cock so messily baby, but so fucking good- ah fuck” he cried out his legs feeling numb from all the pleasure. Her hand moving more vigorously on his balls. She pulled out slowly, her free hand not touching him, touching her needy clit.

“Come on, up you get.” He was out of breath, pulling her by her hair and instructing her silently to sit on the desk again. He got up, one hand spreading her thighs apart and the other stroking him, the color red spreading from his head all the way thru his length from the way he was feeling.

“Next time, daddy, I’ll suck your cock until you come. I won’t let you pull out.” y/n said, hands coming up to knead her breast thru her bra.

“Take that off, want you naked while you make a mess on my cock.” He smacked his cock on her clit the sudden touch making them both shudder. With trembling fingers she tried to pull open her bra, and with some difficulty she eventually managed.

George filled her up nice and slowly letting them both ride the high of feeling each other so closely. George feeling her up all the way, her pussy adjusting to his size. He was big, long and thick and y/n hadn’t had sex in a long time and no guy she was with was that big. George was way above average and she could feel it very well and would feel it even more the next day.

“Daddy shit.” Her feet met his ass and pulled him towards her, George wasn’t all in but her sudden movement made him do just that, fitting snugly in her pussy, brushing her sweet stop that made her spasm around him.

“You are just perfect all over aren’t you baby? So perfect and angelic but the dirtiest whore for your daddy.” His hand took the hair that still fell on his eyes and his other hand touched her clit and pressed it, sinful sounds coming from her, her clit touched and played with along with the pressure and size of George’s cock making her senses stop working and her loosing every train thought she had.

“I’m gonna love to play with this pussy.” He started moving his hips, taking his hand of her clit and taking both her legs in his hold. He bent her legs at the knee and close tho her chest the knew position made her scream. He hit her g-spot right there and then, and her legs became gelly.

“Found it baby, now touch you precious clit for me.” He instructed and she did has she was told, all the pleasure she felt becoming to much, her pussy was throbbing, her nipples were hard from all the pleasure and his cock inside her felt heavenly. He was so smooth, and heavy. She made rapid little motions on her clit while George sped up his movements his hips meeting hers ever, bottoming out with every thrust and touching every little part of her cunt.

When her legs started to quake powerfully in his hold he knew she was starting to get close. She had been teased and denied one orgasm, and she would do it again if he demanded, but the way her breasts moved with power of his hips and strokes, and how she clenched around him swallowing him holy he knew he would be mean to do that.

“You gotta ask for permission.” He slapped her hand way from her clit to pus his there, to control the pressure and the little up and down movement.

At first she couldn’t form words, her vision was going white, the shots of pleasure thru her body to much.

“P-please can I cum?” A gentle whimper came from her mouth as the waves of her orgasm become stronger.

“Yes baby, go ahead soke my cock.” His hand moved even quicker on her clit and that’s when they both felt it. Her orgasm rippling thru her, strong waves of pleasure felt all over her body, her legs quacking, her arms stretched out beside her, her pussy convulsing, her juices coating his cock deliciously.

“Squeezing me so tight baby, I’m gonna fucking come.”  She puts her head in a way that she can look at him, all destroyed and proper fucked out. He doesn’t have time to warn her again before his climax comes crushing down on him. He almost looses his balance for a second, so strong that everything in his body paralyzes. He buries himself to the hilt in her pussy letting his cum shot deep in her and falls on top of her, his arms don’t give him much support but allow him not to crush her. He hides is face in her neck.

“We really did it ahm?” came her voice, sounding still a little afar since he was still recovering from his strong orgasm. He just nodded unable to form any word.

She waited a little, her hand gently brushing his back making goosebumps appear on his skin. The gentle and sweet gesture making his heart flutter.

“We did.” Came out after a while, finally regaining his posture and picking himself up, pulling out of her. The movement making them moan a little, the emptiness she felt felt weird. She was somehow already used to being full of him.  

He pulled her by the arms so she could sit on the desk and not stay laying down.

“Does this change anything?” She asked shyly. He nodded.

“It does, because, I’ll be dammed if I don’t make you mine.” Intertwining their fingers he brought to his mouth to kiss. She smiled britlhy. “If you want me, that is.”

Her answer came in an attack of kisses all over his face and ending up in his mouth.

“We didn’t even kiss thru all that shit. And you kissed my cock.” He joked and she punched him gently on his chest.

“Watch your mouth. And also how we will explain to your brother this?”

“What he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt him.”

They got dressed, both of them taking their time because their bodies were still not at the maximum potential. A knock on the door startled them.

“Mr. Weasley are you still in there?” It was the guard. George made a gesture with his finger over his mouth for y/n to keep quiet.

“Yes Augustus, be out in a minute.” George said a little loudly and finished up getting dressed and waited for y/n to do the same, and then proceeded to organize the mess they made so Fred wouldn’t know about anything.

Opening the door Augustus was there waiting, a few feet from the door he smiled at George, did he knew it was George now that he could see him? Or did he still think it was Fred? Wouldn’t look good if he did, Fred is probably at home with his girlfriend.

“Augustus, my brother gave us some last minute work and we completely forgot the time. I’m so sorry.” George apologized. Augustus understood then is was not Fred. He only nodded, looked at y/n and also nodded and then watched them leave, their hands intertwined while he heard a little laugh coming from the girl.

⚘

Next day y/n came in at the same time as always, but neither Fred or George were to be seen. She sat at her desk and started to work on the things she should’ve done yesterday but got a little to busy to do so. Fred came in first.

“Good morning y/n. Already working on the case?” He asked bewildered, stopping in front of her desk. She nodded, now that she was seeing him, after what she had done in his office words were hard to come out her mouth. “Good, well when George comes in can you please tell him to come to my office? Iris is coming in later today so I can’t leave her that warning. You can also come in with them for us to work on the case.”

She nodded again, her words still not forming. About half an hour later came in George, way later than usual since he came in at the same time as Fred or a little after. When they made eye contact the smile he shared with her was so big and bright that made some of the nervous feeling she had subside. She had spent all night overthinking if that was a mistake, but by the looks of it wasn’t.

“Mr. Weasley your brother wishes to speak to you.” With some of the lawyers doors opened she had to address him like that.

“Thank you y/n, gonna put this in my office and then I’ll go right in.”

And when he came around she got up to follow him. Silently she spoke to him.

“he said to come in too, so we can work on the case.” She felt the need to justify herself.

“Ah yes, the case you should’ve worked on yesterday I am correct? Got a little to distracted no?” He put his hand on her back and pulled her to him. He kissed her lips gently. If her hands weren’t full she would’ve put his face between them. They were lucky that they in a part where no one could see.

“Ah fantastic that you both still know how to follow some orders.” Fred said, when he saw both of them enter his office. y/n swallowed hard, that sentence had a lot more meaning to it.

George tried to hide his smile, he thinks he might know what could come out of this, but how did he know?

“Next time you both decide to shag, which mind you I have nothing against, finally actually, do it at home, in George’s office somewhere… but please not my fucking office.” He looked at both of them trying to portrait himself as mad but failing terribly. A smirk resting on his lips.

y/n wanted to hide so badly, dig the biggest hole ever and burry herself there from how embarrassed she was.

“Hod do you know?” George asked incredosly, one thing they refused to have were cameras in their offices, it was a private place for them.

“Well my dears there’s a thing called a fucking phone.” He pointed to the phone he had on his desk, it was used to call around the firm, but Fred had his house number on there in case Angelina needed anything and couldn’t reach his personal phone. “Having my girlfriend pick up the phone, and come in the bedroom saying ‘someone is having sex on your office’ sure makes you both have a good impression. Lucky me I was at home with her when that happened.”

George looked at y/n who was feeling hot and embarrassed all over. Shit, it must have been her in the moments of pleasure she might’ve pushed some button. Fuck, shit.

“Just that. But finally you both decided to do it, I was done earing from one or the other just plain bullshit.” Fred rolled his eyes, continuing to write what he was doing. “Even Angelina was happy, not about the phone sex, about you two getting your shit together.”

y/n looked at George and took his hand in hers again.

“So are we together?” She asked him.

“Yes, but to make it official let me take you on a proper date. Today, sound good?” She nodded.

“Great you two, but please don’t let it end in office sex.” Came Fred’s voice again, making the three of them laugh.

#george weasley imagine #george weasley imagines #george weasley x reader #smut #angst #fluff #george weasley #george weasley smut

[omegalomania]

I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH

#askin hours #anon #bastille #ill put this in the bastille tag why not #this is predominantly a fall out boy blog but if any bastille bloggers are out there....all like 20 of you.... #i see the work u do in this fandom and i love u for it

[sibyl-of-space]

In a weird mood tonight and usually that means it’s time to write a long tumblr readmore about my feelings.

Overwhelmingly, things are good... I think? There’s an underlying anxiety but I think that has a lot of causes and most of them are “I am nowhere near done with everyone’s christmas presents and also I am unprepared for some of my finals next week.” So like, short-term stress to get everything done, but that is only temporary. I hope.

There are a lot of OTHER things that are very exciting though.

I’ve finalized the course schedule I want next semester (registration is Monday so I won’t know for SURE until then, but hopefully I get into the courses I want) and if it goes according to plan I’ll have only 3 days of classes per week, which means I have a 4-day “weekend” to do a combination of homework/review, rest/personal projects, and also - potentially, possibly - some part time work.

I tried doing part-time work this semester and quit after a couple months. Because I commute, the added stress of an extra day going all the way to and from campus was a huge exhaustion factor, and I just had so much less time and energy to do the things I wanted to do on top of homework. Also, I was working as an IT assistant, but the person I was reporting /TO/ effectively had the same job I had before I came to grad school, and that would have been fine if he didn’t think he was hot shit when I literally have more experience in the field (and, like, working in general) than he does. So anyway, that didn’t last, and I’m glad I quit because I have so sorely needed the rest.

The only reason I am considering part-time work again next semester... well, not only; I am definitely anxious about trying to offset my loans, but given how huge the loans are and how I will probably never actually pay them off, I’m not actually completely worried about it... but the main reason: I want to work in the recording department.

The recording class I took this semester honestly changed my personal and professional goals. I loved every second of it. I love how it intersects my IT knowledge (if you understand signal flow in a networking context, you can understand signal flow in a patch panel for a mixing board - it’s the same thing) with my interest in music. And after running my own recording session, I realized that I LOVE doing it and I want more knowledge and experience.

I am also very, very aware that I have been “That Student” in this class. I’ve stayed and talked to the professors after class to talk about different kinds of cables. I asked one of the professors for recommendations on a cassette tape recorder and bought one. (In fact I’m meeting with one of the professors to do an out-of-class soldering session to replace some capacitors on it.) I am genuinely and intensely interested in the material and when they ask review questions in class like “describe the pros and cons of analog versus digital signals” I physically cannot repress the urge to raise my hand and give a very, very, very detailed answer.

I was an insufferable know-it-all throughout middle and high school, and I try to not be an insufferable know-it-all anymore, but in this class it is kind of resurfacing because I just love the material SO much. We did a lesson on soldering mic cables and I was the only one who did all of the connectors in the allotted time - and it was after that class, actually, when I was helping the professors clean up, and they asked me if I was interested in working part-time in the recording department.

Because of how overwhelmed I’ve been this semester I denied the offer at the time, but I talked to my professor about potentially next semester or next year. He said to check back around January after getting a feel for my new schedule, and we can talk about it then.

I’ve also offered to some friends and peers to help them on their recording sessions if they want help, a few people have taken me up on it (in fact on Monday I’ll be going in early to help someone) - but I’m also afraid I’m being a bit bossy and overbearing. I joined a session on an open invite today and I helped them set up a reverb aux send, but my motivation was 99% because I wanted to figure out how to do it (couldn’t get it to work on mine). So it was working, and I tried to be cautious about overstepping boundaries and checking that what I was doing was beneficial for them too, but I’m still worried I kind of just took over the whole thing. I don’t think I did but I’m still worried. Hard balance to strike. I am actively working on pulling back and letting other people do their thing, and just making sure I’m available to answer questions without telling them how they should be doing things.

Anyway! This all aside, the actual best news for next semester is there is a second-semester extremely focused in-depth class on studio recording that goes WAY more into detail on signal flow, analog and digital signals, and even covers things like recording audio over a network (Audio over IP). It is a super small class size so might be hard-ish to get in, but I am hoping I’ll be able to, especially if I talk to the professor about it. It conflicts with a course I’m supposed to take but I got the OK from my advisor to take the bachelors-level version of that required course instead, as it covers the same material just at a slower pace (which is fine by me!!), because I emphasized just how much this focused recording course interests me.

So.... I don’t know, it’s actually very exciting, I’m just a bit nervous. Part of me is convinced my classmates hate me for exuding “I’m the best and smartest at the subject” energy, and part of me is convinced my professors hate me for being so loud/inquisitive and that they didn’t REALLY mean I should apply and they don’t REALLY think I’m anything special, and the logical part of me knows that’s bullshit (and, well, I mean if some people hate me that’s just life). But anyway. Can’t make the brain shut up unfortunately.

I will feel a lot better about things once I have done a few more Christmas presents, registered for courses, and studied a bit more for my finals. But we’re not quite there yet so the excitement is compounded with anxiety. So it goes!

(Completely unrelated things are also compounding the excitement-anxiety mush in my gut, but honestly I’ve already gone on quite enough of a tangent here. TL;DR - I am very aware of the fact that I am probably getting more opportunities than some of my peers. And while a good chunk of that is my own professional experience knowing how to advocate for my own education and also how to navigate professional relationships, as well as me just being older and therefore having less fucks to give, and ALSO me just working really really hard and knowing exactly what I came here for; I also know that I as a white person with upper-middle-class parents and certain other advantages makes it anything but an even playing field. I’m trying to be conscious about that too, even though I do believe my own hard work and focus is being rewarded, others would probably have to work much harder to get the same rewards... and that. sucks. Anyway. I’m trying to also make it a point to collaborate with my peers more and help out when they ask, and work alongside them, and just not have so much of a stick up my ass as I used to. Music is collaborative, I’m not going to make it anywhere doing anything if I’m not willing to work with others, and create something together.)

#personal #big long essay bout thoughts and feelings as is custom

[forestwater87]

201X in Review: A journey of cringe and regrets

Realizing 2020 is really close and wanted to look back at the second (full) decade I’ve actually been alive for. I feel like either a huge amount of stuff has happened, or basically nothing’s happened, but there’s no middle ground.

2010: 

Cringy 2010 photo: High school prom (in middle, dark green dress and...a face)

Junior in high school. 

Had my first-ever Real Boyfriend(TM). (Pictured in above cringy photo.)

Had just ended an extremely toxic 12-year relationship and was still figuring out how to have friends. 

Chemistry fucking SUUUUUCKED and I don’t miss it.

Had a super intense love for Megamind. I saw it minimum of 4 times in theaters and had a major crush on that blue lil nerd. (Began a personal grudge against both Tangled and Despicable Me for taking away its deserved spotlight, a resentment I have not yet gotten past 10 years later.)

Most regrettable 2010 memory: Getting way too intense about a new boyfriend and lowkey abandoning my friends. Not cool.

Most awesome 2010 memory: I have friends from back then I still love and keep in touch with (despite my abandoning them for a bit there). That’s pretty dang awesome.

2011: 

Cringy 2011 photo: High school graduation with one of the most beautiful women in existence. (We’re still friends, and she’s still gorgeous.)

Graduated high school! (Gym fucking SUUUUUCKED and I don’t miss it.) 

Fell in love with the college that was supposed to be a “safety school” and didn’t apply anywhere else, which means I can brag about having been accepted into 100% of the colleges I applied to. 

Started at Ithaca College -- don’t say “it’s gorges,” it gets so old so fast -- and had a miserable first semester and an incredible second. 

Started getting . . . uncomfortably involved in religious groups. (I mean, I’d been doing that since I was a kid, but it got kicked up to 11 in college.)

Most regrettable 2011 memory: Dressed as a “g***y” for Halloween. Fucking yikes.

Most awesome 2011 memory: Figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.

2012: 

Cringy 2012 photo: Modeling first successfully completed knitting project. With bamboo needles because Ithaca is a hippie paradise.

Learned how to knit, entirely out of boredom in long lectures.

Technically started my tumblr experience, though it was only for a few months while I worked through some Shit by being in love with Loki from the Avengers (and THiddleston in general). Stayed on here just long enough to discover Achievement Hunter and Rooster Teeth, and never went back.

Broke up with first-ever Real Boyfriend(TM) and handled it so well I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder.

Got very deep in a religious group at IC, which was . . . not very healthy and could perhaps not inaccurately be described as “cultlike.” (I owe a major apology to everyone who knew me back then; I was very much a major bitch.)

Despite the previous two bullet points, this was the best year of my life up until that point. I lived next door to my two best friends in college, loved my major, and pretty much was confident that I had everything figured out.

Most regrettable 2012 memory: Writing a fan letter to Tom Hiddleston, which included a photo of me and my phone number. I was convinced my charm and wit would totally make him fall in love with me.

Most awesome 2012 memory: Pretty sure this is the year my love affair with RiffTrax began, too. I had a posse and we’d go see live shows together.

2013-2014:

Cringy 2013 photo: A blanket that I made and sent to Jennamarlbes for her dogs, because it was too small for people. Pretty sure it showed up in a video at one point.

Cringy 2014 photo: My awesome college roommates and I dressed up to give out candy to people’s dorms on Halloween. Reverse trick-or-treating: very fun, always recommended.

HA. So much for having anything figured out.

I don’t actually remember much of this period in my life, because I was navel-deep in a major religious crisis that would continue until . . . a couple months ago, basically? There was a lot of freaking out and trying to reconcile culty fundamentalism with the freewheeling pinko that lived deep inside and was trying to break free.

Lots of therapy, though. And med adjustments. Eventually figured out something that worked. Free campus counseling was the bomb though.

I do remember living in an apartment and cooking for myself for the first time, and also playing a lot of tabletop games with my roommates. (Also drinking. Lots of drinking.)

Oh shit, was this when I started that Drunk Librarian blog? I was trying really hard to be The Nostalgia Critic for books (ew), but I remember having a lot of fun with that. That was when my lifelong vendetta against John Green began.

Most regrettable 2013-2014 memory: Did I mention that the blanket I sent to Jenna included a letter? Did I mention that letter included some bible verses I thought she would appreciate????

Most awesome 2013-14 memory: Started a knitting club. It was just like 4 people hanging out and not knitting.

2015:

Cringy 2015 photo: Me being emaciated, makeup-smeared, and proudly showing off a collarbone piercing. That piercing has since rejected, but was in fact cute af.

Graduated college! Summa cum laude, bitches. (And an unfinished minor because I didn’t feel like taking the one (1) class I needed to graduate.)

Started library school and moved back home with parents. That was . . . an adjustment.

Changed library school “majors” halfway through my first year, after a lot of soul searching and panic attacks.

Had a short but catastrophic relationship with a man 9 years older than me (who was my pastor. Awkward). Religious crisis continued.

Got really skinny and hot because I was too miserable to eat. Dyed my hair red for the first time and looked basically like Ariel.

Discovered Party Hard and got really good at killing people.

Remembered how much I fucking love my parents’ dog:

Most regrettable 2015 memory: Being that person who “thought I could change him.”

Most awesome 2015 memory: Did you see how cute that dog is? His name is Oscar, after Oscar the Grouch.

2016:

Cringy 2016 photo: I had this huge thing for 1950s dresses for a while, complete with petticoats.

Grad school continued.

Religious crisis continued.

Therapy happens to deal with Things, is quickly dropped due to money and lack of shrink-chemistry.

Discovered a dumb little web cartoon with a teensy fanbase and no love for my favorite ship. Began work on a fanfic to correct this.

Finished a long-form fanfic for the first time in my entire life.

Virtually abandoned every other fandom to hyperfixate on this for the rest of my life.

Got super political, then super depressed. Quit Facebook because I realized I hate everyone I’m FB friends with.

Discovered Stardew Valley and never got anything done ever again.

Found Tumblr again (needed it to keep in touch with my first-ever beta reader, @raenbowsofficial) and turned into fandom and politics trash.

Most regrettable 2016 memory: Man, was I cocky about that Hillary Clinton winning the election. Oops.

Most awesome 2016 memory: I mean, CAMP CAMP. Obviously.

2017: 

Cringy 2017 photo: My first day of work as a very bisexual-in-denial librarian.

Finished grad school and became a certified librarian (in NYS anyway)!

Got a job at a local college, including my own office!

Shaved half my head!

Moved into my own apartment and adopted a cat, fulfilling a goal over 7 years in the making!

Became friends with two of the most important people I’ve ever met. Visited one of them on a semi-impromptu 9-hour drive to Virginia and met IRL for the first time. First ever all-night solo trip, one of the best days of my life.

This might’ve been the year I got the VFD eye tattooed on my ankle, though I can’t swear to that.

Was part of my first long-form tabletop RPG with friends from college (and friends-of-friends). Was very emotional and also quite gay.

Rediscovered Megamind thanks to excellent fanfiction. That shit is still great.

Currently the best year I’ve ever had. 

Most regrettable 2017 memory: I should’ve attended my graduation from library school instead of deciding it didn’t matter. It mattered a lot.

Most awesome 2017 memory: Seeing the-artist-formerly-known-as-ciphernetics in person.

2018:

Cringy 2018 photo: Um, apparently we don’t get one, because there’s an image limit to these posts. Lame.

Was laid off and took 6 months to find another full-time job. Spent most of that time depression-napping.

Said full-time job lasted 4 months before I ran like my shoes were on fire, because it was morally . . . suspicious and left me borderline suicidal.

Got very fat because I was too miserable to stop eating.

Had to cut my hair so I would look “professional.” Looked like my ex-boyfriend. My mom said I “looked like a Trump supporter.” To-date the meanest thing anyone’s ever said to me.

Moved back in with my parents due to not-having-job-ness (got to bring the cat, though).

Lost parents’ health insurance and had to pay for my own. Discovered health insurance is ridiculously expensive.

Became super left-leaning thanks to the power of Tumblr and Youtube (and possibly that super expensive health insurance thing). 

Writing came to a virtual standstill, though I managed to organize and actually finish participating in all of Gwenvid Week (for the first time).

Two weeks after quitting the job from hell and three weeks after moving back in with the parents, I was offered my old position back. Accepted. Was once again a college librarian.

Most regrettable 2018 memory: Knowing I didn’t want the nightmare job and accepting it anyway. Might’ve been the only choice, but it caused a lot of unhappiness.

Most awesome 2018 memory: The day I was laid off, I hopped on a plane and went to fucking Disney World. Because why not?

2019:

Started work again. Finally (mostly) stopped having panic attacks about being fired/laid off out of the middle of nowhere around 8 months into new job.

Fewer paper cuts than expected.

Accidentally became associated with dinosaurs at work, despite not having any sort of special affinity for dinosaurs.

Did develop a deep and abiding affinity for octopus. Also elephants.

Took cat to doctor. Cat didn’t enjoy doctor. Cat is now 8 lbs. and 14 oz. She is big girl.

Rediscovered the joy of reading again. Newly discovered that mysteries actually can be pretty awesome, and read barely anything else all year. (Personal recommendations: The 7 1/2 Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton and Waisted by Randy Susan Meyers.)

So. Many. Youtube. Video. Essays.

Discovered Stardew Valley mods and eventually broke 3k hours of playtime. 

Napped frequently. Panicked less frequently. It’s a step in the right direction.

Most regrettable 2019 memory: This post sure is long and over-share-y, isn’t it? Didn’t even include a cut so you could more easily scroll past my face. Inconsiderate, is what that is.

Most awesome 2019 memory: This one is pretty good. Right now.

2020: 

??? 

Profit.

#all right the 2010s were weird #random forest ramblings about my life i guess #here you go

[hayleysstark]

Hello, it's Queenie! I loved what you said in the other anon's ask about Colin Morgan's facial hair. Tumblr would absolutely explode if Colin was actually cast as a fae king in a play or a movie. Like, how would he look if he was cast as King Oberon from a Midsummer Night's Dream? An Actual God, that's what. Also, you mention other works he's been in like Humans and the Living and the Dead. Are those shows good? Do you recommend? I need more Colin Morgan content in my life, please!

LISTEN Colin Morgan has just got the Fae King LOOK about him, all right, and it’s a thing that’s absolutely impossible to explain until you SEE it but once you DO see it, you can never UNSEE it, and then you are CURSED to live the rest of your life TORTURED by THIRST !!!!! THAT is the CURSE OF THE FAE KING !!!!! 

((also, im sorry but Colin Morgan in his role as Fae King, dressed lavishly and sprawled out on an ornate throne ???? sign me the actual fuck up please im begging im literally begging *slips BBC $3* *it’s BBC because im like 90% sure they have some sort of legal ownership over Colin Morgan at this point))

Ahhh, I’m not sure, actually !!! I think it’s all good tbh but my interests really just aren’t the same as your interests ((as evidenced by My Boyfriend Merlin LMAO)) but i can give you a rundown on it, if you like, and you can pick what sounds good to you!!

Humans is basically your stereotypical futuristic robots-are-slaves-and-society-is-literal-hell BBC series. it IS a pretty fresh take on things - we get a pretty serious look at a world where humans and robots freely intermingle, and how truly complicated that would be, for both organics and synthetics, and nearly all the characters grab you from the first episode, you really just want to see everybody get a happily ever after, and everybody is very well-written and believable. Colin Morgan plays a homeless human/robot hybrid called Leo who sleeps in his car and is really ride-or-die for his family. There’s the usual unnecessary sex scenes and adultery plotlines, plus Emily Berrington’s character, Niska, has a brief stint in a brothel in S1, and it’s not graphic, but it IS uncomfortable. but at least it’s over pretty quick, and you don’t have to dwell on it too much. (@ The Last Kingdom, i am literally begging you to take notes.) Humans is available on Amazon Prime, YouTube, Itunes, Google Play, and Vudu!

The Living and The Dead ((i HAVE NOT seen this one in full yet, but a pretty good chunk of it)) is a Victorian-era BBC supernatural horror ((and i personally don’t think it’s that scary at all, but again, i haven’t seen it all in full, so i could very well just have missed some spooky shit lol)) where Colin Morgan plays a psychologist named Nathan who sees ghosts !!! he has a beautiful wife and lots of anxiety but honestly who doesn’t in this economy. The Living and The Dead is available on Amazon Prime, YouTube, Google Play, and Vudu!!

The Fall ((by far my favorite!!!)) is a BBC modern-era psychological thriller with Gillian Anderson, Jamie Dornan and John Lynch. Colin Morgan has a smaller bit in this series than the first two above - he appears about midway through S2 - bUT he plays a VERY handsome detective called Tom Anderson AND he talks in his natural (Irish) accent, and also, he’s like the Unofficial Office Heartthrob, literally EVERYBODY in the series comments at some point on how attractive he is (John Lynch’s character, Jim Burns, even refers to him as a “pretty boy” at one point, and it is every bit as hilarious as it sounds). The series itself centers around Gillian Anderson (or Stella Gibson, in-series, but honestly she’ll always be Scully to me and no, you canNOT @ me abt this lmao) on the search for the serial killer played by Jamie Dornan (Paul Spector in-series.) Paul Spector typically murders his (female) victims via strangulation, so yes, it can get pretty graphic. Honestly, it’s nowhere near as bad as people make it out to be (some coward literally referred to the series finale as “the most traumatizing hour of television BBC ever produced” and it’s,,,,, not ???? it’s really not ???) but if you don’t like lots of on-screen violence, it might not be the series for you!! If that’s not too off-putting for you, though, it really is a wonderful series, brilliantly written, and everybody is so flawless in their roles, it’s incredible! Also Laura Donnelly (Merlin’s ladylove, Freya, on BBC Merlin!) plays Jamie Dornan’s first murder victim so. there’s that. honestly pour one out for Laura Donnelly, can she ever land a role where she doesn’t die one episode in ???? survey says no. The Fall is available on Netflix, YouTube, Amazon Prime, Itunes, Google Play, and Vudu!!

OOF that got way longer than i wanted it to, sorry, but i hope you like at least one of the recommendations on the list !! all thirst aside, Colin Morgan is just a brilliant actor, and i’m always happy to recommend more content with him !!

#ask #queenie

[theoi-crow]

how to talk with the gods?

Hi,  

Talking to the gods is easy!  

Just think of the god you want to communicate with to get their attention. Think anything towards them and that’s it, you have spoken to a god. (Some people prefer speaking out loud so they can be in better control of what they are saying to that god. I do this on specific days when my ADHD is particularly bad.)

Getting a reply is a little trickier:

Before I list all the ways I communicate with the gods, I just want to be clear on the fact that it took me years to recognize signs, symbols and energy of the gods who were talking to me. It took me a lot of energy work, practice and trust. 

There is a video by the amazing @thepastelpriestess that talks about god communication and the tumblr problem of expecting an immediate clear sign from the gods (LINK)

From a personal point of view, the gods are not clear. It takes me a combination of the methods listed below to piece together the full message. Gods aren’t loud or obvious. Their messages will sometimes look like a beautiful day or a tastier meal. Here is a great post by @stygiantarot ​ that encompasses this (LINK)   

When I was starting off, I was NOT able to hear, see or feel the gods for years. Ares was the ancient spartan soldier I had befriended as a little kid but I thought I had made him up. I don’t count this because as soon as I started questioning the existence of Santa Claus, I began to lose communication with Ares as well. I lost all contact with him after learning he was the god of war and refused to be with him when I was first learning about Wicca a little after turning 12 (I no longer do Wicca and work with Ares again after apologizing because he is more than just a dumb bad reputation (LINK). 

Still, my connection with the gods has never been the same and is still not as clear as when I was little. A lot of witches wonder why they were more in tune when they were children versus now originally posted by @left-hand-path-notes (LINK). 

Its normal to not be able to feel the gods at first, you are learning to sense them and their preferred methods of communication!

This is going to take time, maybe even years but don’t get discouraged: You wouldn’t be upset with yourself for not knowing EVERY single thing about a person you just met right?

The gods are the same, you are getting to know them.

The number one thing people want is direct communication and direct answers with the gods. They focus so much on this that they will accidently ignore every other method the gods might be using to communicate with them. 

There are Sooooo many ways the gods reply. 

I combine all of these methods to get an overall feel of what the god is telling me.

-Sudden thought: Physically hearing a god is SO RARE! (I have yet to experience this for myself). You could suddenly get a mental thought that may or may not sound like your own inner voice, but the message falls in line with what you need. 

Many people don’t like this method because they don’t trust their mind. They think their brain is playing tricks on them. This gets trickier when the person is a perfectionist, suffers from anxiety, depression or anything else that makes them question their thoughts. This is when faith comes into play because the truth is, there is no sure way to know if it’s a god or not, you just have to trust it is.

Example: 

Me *thinks*: Apollo, I’m bored. 

Immediate thought reply: Practice drawing. (Note: sometimes it’s not as instant and may pop out of nowhere as you go about your day)

WARNING!!!: If the thoughts are emotionally abusive, it is NOT a god! The Gods are immortal and know your time here is VERY limited by comparison. They would never waste your time by pointlessly tormenting you. They have been around for thousands of years and have seen much much worst. The messages they give might be strict but they are always constructive and loving. If the perceived negative comment does not leave you with room for growth (for example “You are still learning” VS “You are so stupid”) that is not a god talking, it is a pre-recorded trauma from your past messing with your head.    

-Mental Images/Inspired Action: Sometimes gods don’t use words and rely on images instead or the desire to take physical action. The gods use this method a lot for me more because I am more of a visual and action oriented person. Our interaction may look a little something like this:    

Example: Me: Apollo, I’m bored. *Gets a mental image of myself drawing or gets sudden urge to draw.*  

-Signs: Signs are the reason I always recommend people research and take in anything and everything that has to do with that god. Their favorite color, their favorite gods (the ones they bond with the most) their mythical children, their legends, etc. Don’t rely solely on the shallow knowledge everyone knows about that god because they may be sending you things that are more specific than their basic information.

The gods will also use regular signs that pull you in. Signs you may have never really payed attention to but suddenly jump out at you. 

Example: This happened to me earlier this year. I was thinking about a project I had promised the gods that is near and dear to my heart. This project was time consuming and while the gods are excited, at the time, I worried I would never finish it. I considered dropping it completely until a sign stopped me in my tracks. It read: “If not you, who?” Here is the sign (LINK) I felt like that sign had been placed there specifically for me even though I had passed by it every day without paying too much attention to it.

-Coincidences/Synchronicity: Sometimes its a string of “coincidences.” A word every person you keep bumping into is saying or something you didn’t notice before and now see everywhere. Things that create a domino effect, etc. 

Example: When I first started talking to my significant other, a butterfly would pass by them EVERY time they were on the phone with me. These weren’t always real butterflies, sometimes they were pictures on the wall, tattoos or a word that would pop out of nowhere, but they caught my S.O’s attention every time we were on the phone together. They would tell me about the butterflies without realizing I had a psychic reading telling me to “follow the butterflies” to find my soulmate.  

-Other people: Some of the ways the gods will talk to me is through other people. I will suddenly feel the urge to call my spouse and they’ll be like “you should draw.” Sometimes I bump into a stranger who repeats things my gods have previously said. There have been Tumblr users on here who have made me cry without realizing how much I needed to read the beautiful messages/posts they had sent me or posted on their blog. Messages that sound or feel how the gods sound/feel to me. Or a show whose character gives an inspiring speech I needed to hear. The divine is everywhere.   

-Feelings/Tastes/Smells: Sometimes it’s a nagging feeling, a sudden craving or a sensation. Getting a sense of what they are telling you or feeling like you are being hugged. I will feel tingles randomly happen combined with a mental image of the god. I have a specific perfume on Aphrodite’s altar that I will smell when I am out in public while wearing a completely different perfume. Sometimes the taste of honey randomly appears on my palate and know a god is trying to get my attention.    

-Tarot/Pendulum, etc: These methods are the most popular because they take the frustration out of guessing.The methods above require faith and trust but tarot, pendulums, etc. cut to the chase and give information that is easier to understand. These methods also help you get used to identifying the energy of the god you are contacting. I highly recommend them for people who are just starting a new relationship with a god. You can buy a deck for under $10-11 (LINK) (Note: some of them have gotten cheeper and some have gotten more expensive since @hellboundwitch made this post.) or you can make your own deck from scratch (even by just cutting 78 pieces of paper and labeling them).

I hope this helps!

May your god communications be clear and concise.

[habibialkaysani]

okay so. a lot has been going on lately and I haven't had much time to be on here or time in general. now that the week is over tho things are starting to die down hopefully. and like I do with work emails I'm gonna just write a list, of all the things that have been going on, because I feel like my brain is about to explode otherwise.

lots of rambling, potentially triggering stuff under the cut:

1) pain. so much pain. I thought I'd moved past this endo thing, or at least that the pain was contained because of the meds the gyno gave me plus the progesterone that was definitely easing the pain for a bit during the month. but the ones my gyno gave me, they can only be taken during my period and mine isn't starting. so I've been in agony, like in so much pain, and the only relief has been a hot water bottle and codeine. and I don't want to take more days off when I've already taken sick days this year - which is not like me, at all. but potentially that might not be an issue for a while if I end up having to work from home. and in terms of addressing the root cause of the problem, that's unlikely, because the mri I had of my pelvis came back normal. no indications of endometriosis which I expected because this shit doesn't show on ultrasounds or mris. I do think there might be a chance it shows on a transvaginal ultrasound but they outright refuse to do that which really fucking pisses me off bc it's on the basis of me never being laid before which as I've mentioned is ridiculous.

2) speaking of. this motherfucking coronavirus is doing my head in. seriously i had to order hand sanitiser for the office and it still hasn't arrived. I did manage to get a few masks but god those were expensive. and just generally it's all anyone will talk about at work which is driving me nuts. and what makes it worse is that I'm going out of my mind thinking about speedy and if she gets it, because she's got a heart condition and her immune system isn't very strong even for regular flu. this shit will hit her hard and I'm terrified of that esp after hearing boris fucking johnson saying in his speech that people are going to lose loved ones. I don't know what I'll do if I lose her. actually I have an idea and it would not be good. I spoke to my brother who is a healthcare professional and he said that it's best to get in touch with the cardiology team that look after speedy to see if we can do anything preventative or get her tested.

3) in better news, my brother just announced to our family that he's getting married. already its causing arguments and his fiancee comes from a more well off family (the bar is low tho admittedly) so we're all gonna be scrambling to get our tiny house somewhat in shape for when my bro's future in laws visit in a couple weeks. but it's still good news I think because my bro is smitten and that's just nice to see. his fiancee makes him happy and that's something I'm really glad he found. they want a small wedding too so hopefully we'll have like 200 guests max, which would be sacrilege in any desi household lol.

4) I've been looking for a new job for a while now. things at work have been tough, ever since my old manager gave in her notice. I don't mind my current manager all that much, but she's in hr, and she's clearly never managed anyone before because she is nowhere near as good a support system as my old manager. I could go to my old manager and complain about something and she'd listen, and she actively made an effort to monitor my workload. this new one, she just doesn't put the same effort in and she also just doesn't understand the role I'm in either. she seems to think the job I do is easy and straightforward when it is neither, on the basis that she thinks admin is something anyone could do, and she does nothing to try and ease things when my workload gets heavy. plus my managers manager who is also in hr is just really not nice. she enjoys a power trip way too much. that and the fat cats that are our clients - well suffice it to say I think my time here is up. so I've been looking and I found a nonprofit that was hiring. I did my first interview with them and it went surprisingly well. and now I've got my second one next friday. I really hope that goes well too and that I get the job, just so I can see the look on my managers managers face when I give in my notice 😂 and this new job if I get it would be five fewer hours and I think that could do wonders for my wellbeing. and my sanity.

5) writing. I've done none of it. it's a problem. I don't know what to do to make my mojo come back because I write the best when I'm alone, and I'm never on my own nowadays unless I'm in bed in pain, in which case writing is the last thing I feel like doing. but I also really want to write. so badly. I feel like I'm emotionally more stable when I'm writing. I'm happier. and I just do not have that right now which is not fun.

6) reading - now this is something I have done. my dear friend reen recommended a series of books called reluctant royals, by alyssa cole, and omg. they are so good. I powered through three big novels and two novellas. like I devoured them. and I'm being reminded of how much I love books. good ones. they made me laugh a lot and I'm really glad my friend recommended them.

7) speaking of devouring. a few weeks ago I found on several occasions that people were offering their seats to me on public transport, presumably because they thought I was pregnant. it was this combined with my doctor admitting my bmi wasn't normal (tho only when I asked if this might be causing the pain) that made me realise that I needed to lose weight drastically, and to eat better and walk more. so I've been eating more veggies and salad. trying to put more greens on my plate. not have fast food as often. in all honesty I'm not sure how much of a difference its actually made, but I do know that I feel a little better having done so over the last few weeks. my brother also said I looked like I had lost weight. I've also noticed it a little in my tummy going in a bit too. but I also know that this is a rabbit hole I don't want to go down too far. I worry I might have already with the weighing which I've been doing far too often now that there's scales at work (for weighing big packages). I don't want this to spiral out of control. but I think I've done okay so far, minus the weighing thing - I've always eaten when I've felt hungry so it's not like I'm starving myself. and so far I've only lost about 3kg. which I feel is significant but also nowhere near enough when it comes to the nhs bmi calculator.

8) my little brother has been acting up for months now, and tbh it's starting to give me anxiety. my mother found weed in his room and he's just been rebelling in what I see as normal teenage ways like smoking and staying out late, but it's also affecting his school and I'm worried he won't leave with decent a levels bc he already failed once. and his school keeps emailing my dad about him supposedly being absent, and my dad's response to this for about two months now has been to post a screenshot of each email into the family group chat and demand where my bro has been. it doesn't help. and I don't need to be notified every time he skips school or whatever like that is not my fucking problem to have to see when I'm at work and have enough stresses as it is. my dad is an idiot and honestly some days I would dearly love to punch the man in the face.

9) I start my group therapy in a couple weeks. it’s for generalised anxiety and I am really, really hoping it will help me because the other group therapy I’ve done previously, like a couple months back, has proven to be really helpful. here’s hoping.

10) if anyone is still reading this far - I realise this sounds a lot like I'm feeling sorry for myself. maybe I am to some degree. but my life is just a lot right now and I'm genuinely a bit shocked I'm still in one piece and that I haven't had a nervous breakdown yet. everything is a lot and I feel like I'm going through a lot of change. that's hard. but I'm trying my best to get through this and I hope somehow I can. I actually left tumblr for a bit because for various reasons I didn’t feel as safe talking about my problems on here, through no fault but my own really. I’m hoping I’ve moved past that now.

#me.txt #personal #body image cw #ed tw #work tag #desi tag #uterus tag #long post for ts #tmi

[arcanalogue]

Obligatory ‘Meet Your Diviner’ Q&A

Okay, stepping out from behind my little screen for a moment! A lot of people following here nowadays may not know anything about me, or the background of this blog. You may not even remember following me in the first place! I can relate.

It occurred to me that some people MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW CERTAIN THINGS. And since I’m looking to build up my roster of Patreon clients (who likes monthly readings, or tarot lessons, or random tarot insights? You do!) it seems a bit of disclosure may be in order. If I do it honestly and entertainingly enough, some of you old friends might actually enjoy re-learning these things too!

So, below is a brief introduction — dagger points instead of bullets, because I’m old-school like that. Inbox me if there’s more you’d like to know!

🗡 Who are you, anyway? Hi, my name is Tom, I currently live in Los Angeles with my my extremely tolerant boyfriend. I grew up in rural Arizona and then ran off to New York at a formative age. Queer non-binary human, accepting all pronouns! I’m a dingbat Aries who frequently craves validation, but can’t accept a compliment. 

Pastimes include retreating from the world so I can grumble about everything, and wearing too much perfume. I go to thrift stores almost every day, and have amassed too many vintage hat-pins. I keep a giant doll house in the kitchen. 

Who wouldn’t want advice from a creature such as this?

🗡 Can I get a reading in person? Yes, but know that I’m shy about it. When I first started out in New York City, it was all about reading at parties and posting Craigslist ads to meet new clients. However, when you shine a light out in the world like that, you can never be sure who it will attract. In my case, it brought lots of interesting people into my life; some were a little too interesting. 

For the most part, I prefer working from behind the veil of this little site, or via email. I’m at my best when I have an extra moment to divine deeply and then gather my thoughts; also, there are benefits to receiving readings that you can revisit as words on a page.  

Ask me truly anything, I will do my best to respond!

🗡 Are you psychic? Sorry, but I’m not that person, nor am I an astrologer. I have a rigorous spiritual practice that I keep relatively private. However, I’m happy to share whatever inspiration I glean from it.

Originally it was important for me to understand tarot cards through a truly secular lens: archetypes, synchronicity, the whole Jung starter pack. I wanted to combat popular misconceptions about what the tarot is, how it functions, what it can do, and what it can’t. 

That’s all very useful stuff, mainly so a reader can interact meaningfully with people from all walks of life, and all kinds of faith (or none at all). But tarot is NOT a secular or purely intellectual practice, and here’s why: no one knows where the “responses” are coming from. 

Despite starting out as a skeptic, after many years of practice, I can no longer personally accept nowhere as an answer to that question, or consider the results of a reading to be purely random or meaningless. If you don’t believe the answers really mean anything, then why are you asking? 

(If you’re asking purely to amuse yourself, I have great news: you can do that at home, yourself, for free.)

🗡 Why ‘Arcanalogue’? For about a decade, I have branded my site and services with this name, a mangling of Latin/Greek words that essentially refers to a “conversation with the unknown.”  

Embracing the arcanalogue nature of divination (instead of demanding to know who/what is speaking) has challenged my beliefs in ways I couldn’t have expected, gradually rekindling my faith.

🗡 Wait, faith? So are you like... a Christian? Ha ha no. HA HA HA. No! But so much of the iconography in the tarot deck stems from early Christianity, I have learned more about this history and symbolism from studying divination than I ever learned in church. 

Sorry baby goths — ya think it’s gonna be all demonic Crowleyisms and spooky #witchvibes and jacking off over sigils, but the history of everything is completely intermingled. You might still end up having to say the Lord’s Prayer. You might find that you actually really enjoy saying the Lord’s Prayer. Life is strange! And witch-life is the strangest of all. 

You CAN just buy the Crowley and/or various #witchvibes tarot decks, but if that’s all you ever learn, you’ll only scratch the surface of the deck’s mysteries, which are a major source of its power. And if you hate Christian symbolism with a burning passion (who could blame you?) and you’re looking for a purely non-denominational form of divination, you could always just flip a coin! Or grab one of those oracle decks. 

And even then, the goddess Fortuna may want a word with you...

🗡 What book do you recommend for beginners? This one: The Tarot: History, Symbolism, and Divination, by Robert M. Place (who has also created many brilliant decks, such as The Alchemical Tarot). 

There are so many books geared toward beginners, very few of which really dig into the concept of divination itself, or how the cards really work. As a historian, Place can show you why certain cards have ended up meaning certain things, instead of just providing a list of meanings for you to memorize. He also teaches divination as a storytelling technique, so you don’t end up just  regurgitating those meanings straight from the page. 

🗡 Why isn’t this blog more active? Ouch, you really came for me with that one. I’d really like it to be! I work full time, and I love my work. The more people support me on Patreon, the more space I’ll be able to carve out for this project in my schedule. *hides*

🗡 Do you have any special rituals that you do when you’re giving a reading? I spent so many years actively combating the kind of superstitions that cling to the tarot like barnacles. If you don’t feel like your practice is “right” or “authentic” without including these, then by all means, do what you’ve gotta! 

Just remember, you’re bringing all that with you into an experience where you’re supposed to be alone and vulnerable with your thoughts, opening yourself up to the unknown. Whatever gets you there!

Nowadays, I consider everything I do when I read to be a gift given to myself, in hopes of enhancing that effect. I’ve found over the years that when I cut the deck, I like to cut almost all the way down, not just halfway. To me, this is symbolic of casting a bucket deep down into the well of my unconscious. There’s something satisfying to me about a very deep cut! 

The most personal rituals are the ones that mean the most. There’s value in sharing these with others, but dictating them as protocol is shabby teaching. 

 🗡 How do you know if reading tarot cards is right for you? If you feel any calling whatsoever, then I think you should answer that calling. That’s why I first started my blog, it helped me organize my thoughts and keep track of what I learned, what I’d read. Before then it had all been very scattered and vague, and my progress was much more difficult to track. And believe it or not, I’d already begun teaching lessons by that point! It’s humbling to look back on now.

There’s a lot of self-consciousness and social anxiety wrapped up in the idea of trying to read someone else’s cards, or presenting yourself as a reader. Hello, I share these exact anxieties! 

But this is a state you must overcome at the beginning of almost any journey. Go be a big ol’ nerd and show the world where it can stick its judgment. I’m happy to help in any way I can! My “Learn” page links to some stripped down tutorials on a few basic subjects.

Back to an earlier point, if you feel called to take on a more-than-casual study of tarot, I urge you to learn the old ways as you contribute to new ones. Feeling connected to a tradition can be a tremendous support in times when you’re really not sure WTF you are doing. There are SO many new decks being made which are aesthetically beautiful but are very thin in terms of supporting a deeper connection to the tarot mysteries. An experienced user will be able to fill in the gaps easily. A newcomer? Perhaps not so much.

For those reasons, I recommend learning with the classic Rider Waite-Smith deck, or else one that closely reproduces its meanings. 

The unknown speaks to us in so many ways. It always has. The process of learning how to listen, and how to help others hear it too, is cumulative. Others stand to benefit from whatever you learn while seeking. 

🗡 You seem great! How can I keep tabs on you or interact with you more? I don’t mind if people follow me on Instagram (personal follows are fine also). I’m really boring on Twitter but there it is. I don’t really understand how the Tumblr chat works, so I don’t always see these until hilariously long afterward.

🗡 You suck, this was a waste of time and I want my four minutes back. 

#tarot #tarot cards #divination #tarot readings

[mostthingskenobi]

Hey, I was thinking, if you have time, can u write a short sweet ficlet of Obi-wan thinking about leaving the Jedi Order but he now has to train little Anakin (right after the Naboo celebration at end of Episode I the Phantom Menace). He gets a message from Satine, coming to Coruscant for a visit with Padame, and Obi-wan sneaks out of his apartment he shares with little Anakin for the night once he puts him to bed, and sneaks off for a night in Satine's private guest bedroom.

Hello my dear Anon, please forgive how long it took me to respond. I am so flattered that you would ask me to write something! How kind of you!!! I don’t normally take requests but I recently experienced a personal trauma that has made it nearly impossible for me to write. I am slowly working my way back into it and I used your prompt as a little writing exercise. I really can’t account for the quality of my work right now.

I hope you don’t mind but I took some liberties with the idea. I am in no condition to write any fluff whatsoever, so I don’t know if you can call this piece sweet but I did my best to be faithful to the characters. I don’t think watching Qui-Gon die would have Kenobi in a mood for sexy-time with Satine, but he definitely would have needed comfort… but at this time Satine probably wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with Obi-Wan…

OK, enough of my rambling.

Commence ficlet!

AFTER QUI-GON’S DEATH

Theed, Naboo

Obi-Wan was invisible in the darkness as he made his way carefully toward the palace. The moons were low on the horizon and no one was awake save for a few easily avoided sentries.

He would leave. He would ask Satine to forgive him, beg her to take him in, take him back. Surely she could make room in her heart for Anakin as well…

Anakin.

How had this happened? He thought his master loved him, thought that they had an understanding, but this little boy from Tatooine appeared out of nowhere and took Obi-Wan’s place at Qui-Gon’s side.

He did not love me. Jedi do not love. Qui-Gon was a devoted Jedi, one of the finest. He let me go as a true Jedi should have, forbearing all attachment.

The thought made Kenobi’s heart ache even more. How could he go on? How could he bear the constant reminders of his master, the oppressive sadness that crushed his heart? How could he remain in the Order?

I promised him.

Kenobi stopped in his tracks, his grief manifesting as physical pain. He leaned against a stone wall, tucked deep in the shadows, as memories suddenly overwhelmed him.

Qui-Gon had reached out and touched his face, begged him to train Anakin. Of course Obi-Wan had agreed. He would have done anything for his master. He had dragged Qui-Gon’s body into his arms and sobbed, for longer than he thought possible. Nearly an hour passed before he could bring himself to lift his master onto his shoulders and carry him out into the sunlight.

Kenobi roughly wiped away the tears streaming down his cheeks. Grief was unbecoming of a Jedi. He should not cry, should not feel such pain. He took a deep breath and continued walking, skirting the palace perimeter until he found the correct balcony.

If she truly was here, she might be the only person capable of comforting him. He had overheard Padme speaking to her maidens about preparing for the Mandalorian Regent. The Duchess was coming to pay her respects to the slain Jedi master who had protected her so faithfully. If Satine were here, Obi-Wan would find her.

The Force guided him to a large, sandy-colored balcony a few meters above the terraced garden. He effortlessly leapt onto the balustrade and crept to the open door. He could feel her presence before he even saw her.

Satine turned and saw a cloaked figure framed against the night sky. She did not scream. She knew who it was even before the young man slowly stepped into the light. He was as handsome as ever, but his beautiful eyes were red and miserable, and his lips were swollen from crying.

“Obi-Wan,” she whispered.

At the sound of his own name he stumbled forward and collapsed into her arms. They sank to the floor, his strength totally giving out. Satine wrapped herself around him, pulling him tightly against her. “It’s alright, Obi,” she whispered, stroking his hair. “You’re safe now.”

“I couldn’t save him,” he sobbed. “I failed.”

“There was nothing you could do, my dear,” she soothed. “You did not fail, you simply could not stop the will of the Force.”

“I don’t know what to do, Satine.”

“Come home with me. Leave the Order and bring Anakin to Mandalore.”

Obi-Wan suddenly calmed and looked up into her eyes. How had she known exactly what he wanted?

“I’ve loved you always,” she said, running her fingertips along his brow. “I always will…”

…Obi-Wan’s eyes wrenched open as a sob escaped his throat. He was drenched in sweat and trembling from head to toe. He pushed up and threw his legs over the side of his bed, leaning forward over his knees as he fought to catch his breath.

The dream had felt so real; Satine’s hand on his skin, her breath against his neck, her kind words. He had not thought of her for years, at least he had tried not to, but she was one of the few people in the galaxy that would understand his suffering, understand how painful it was to lose Qui-Gon.

Did she even know Qui-Gon was dead? Should he be the one to tell her? Would she even want to look at him much less hear from him? They had not parted well, and though deep down he knew he loved her, he had wounded her terribly, so much so that she may never forgive him.

Obi-Wan ran a hand over his face and looked around the plain, dark sleeping quarters. Anakin lay on small cot a few feet away. The boy was sprawled across his bed, twisted up in the sheets, clutching a stuffed tooka doll to his chest. His head was pressed into the mattress while he gently snored. Obi-Wan smiled in spite of himself.

Very cute.

He could not bring himself to blame the boy. Anakin hadn’t done anything wrong. In truth, he was sweet and enthusiastic, and Obi-Wan couldn’t help but rather like Anakin Skywalker.

The Jedi Council was meeting in the morning to discuss the boy’s fate. Whatever their decision, Obi-Wan knew one thing – he could never abandon Anakin. If they decided Skywalker was not to be a Jedi, Obi-Wan knew he would have to leave the Order. He had promised Qui-Gon he would train the boy, and he would keep his promise no matter what.

If he left the Order, perhaps he would take Anakin to Mandalore. Was that what his dream was trying to tell him? He wasn’t sure if he was simply seeing what he wanted to see or if he was dreaming his possible future. He would have to meditate on it and take into consideration the Council’s decision.

Perhaps one day he would master the courage to look Satine in the eyes and beg her forgiveness.

Perhaps one day he would be able to think of Qui-Gon Jinn without feeling physically sick.

Perhaps one day Anakin Skywalker would bring balance to the Force and prevent the Sith from killing any more beloved Jedi.

END NOTES

Is there some premonition of The Lawless in there??? Perhaps :)

CLICK HERE TO READ IT ON AO3

If you’re interested in similar/related fics I’ve written, here are some recommendations:

Jedi NightmaresSummary: It’s been about 3 months since Qui-Gon was killed. Obi-Wan is struggling with nightmares, desperately missing his Master, while Anakin is trying to conquer his own fear. An emotional, fluffy piece where Kenobi wakes in the middle of the night and hears his Padawan having a bad dream in the other room. Obi-Wan battles his emotions while helping Anakin navigate his own. Lots of fluff, angst, and love.Read it on AO3  |  Read it on Tumblr

The Jedi and His DuchessSummary: Satine Kryze is a pacifist because of the Mandalorian civil war. But the idea first takes root in her mind after watching something terrible happen to Obi-Wan Kenobi. The story of how Obi-Wan and Satine fell in love when they were young, and how their feelings reemerged when they reconnected during the Clone Wars. Told in flashbacks. Takes place pre Phantom Menaceand post Clone Wars episode Duchess of Mandalore.Read it on AO3  |  Read it on Tumblr

The Secret Duke of MandaloreSummary: Obi-Wan is struggling to put the horrors of the Kadavo slave facility behind him. Desperately needing sanctuary, he makes his way to Mandalore. He and the Duchess Satine wander through the palace gardens, but Obi-Wan is not able to hide his anxieties from her. Will Satine be able to help Obi-Wan or will his emotions get the better of him?Read it on AO3  |  Read it on Tumblr

Or pretty much any of my other stuff :) CLICK HERE TO SEE IT ALL

#ask #ask me anything #obi wan kenobi #Obi-Wan Kenobi #obi wan #obi-wan #kenobi #qui-gon jinn #Duchess Satine #satine kryze #obi-wan kenobi fan fiction #obi-wan kenobi fan fic #obi-wan fanfiction #obi-wan fan fiction #obi-wan fic #star wars #star wars clone wars #star wars the clone wars #The Clone Wars #phantom menace #the phantom menace #Star Wars The Phantom Menace #Star Wars Fic #star wars fanfiction #star wars fan fiction

[noxiim]

(1/3)Okayyyy so i mightve sent a few asks abt this before but this topic is really now bugging me cuz i have depression and im sensitive to like everything. Im starting to take this "not getting notes on my art" thing really personally and i know it sounds childish (and i laugh at myself for it) but i cant help but get upset when i spend so much time and effort and get like no feedback. And i know people say not to draw what u love and not for attention but honestly i dont even know what

and i dont even know if im drawing what ilike sometimes. Yeah i love bts but i dont know if i like what im drawing or ifim just doing it for notes???? And i have a lot of anxiety too and thats wherei feel like im taking this too personally. Cuz im starting to think that my artdoesnt get notes cuz its straight up not good which leads me to think ishouldnt even try to pursue a career in art anymore. But im not good atanything else so wtf am i gonna do if i dont succeed in art???? Like i said i laugh at myself for thinking like this and iprobably sound like a fuckin child but i cant help it???? Like i think my artis decent???? But maybe its not???? Idk like this was really hitting me todaycuz i feel like im wasting so much time and im probably gonna be one of thosepoor college students cuz i decided to focus on art more rather than taking ajob cuz i thought i could make money off of my art but yknow clearly its notgoing so well and im scared for my future U dont have to give advice to all of that i just needed tolet that all out 

Aw dude don’t worry I get what you mean,I actually experienced something similar when I first started posting my art totumblr, and even recently when I first started posting bts fanart. It’sperfectly normal to want recognition (in this case in the form of notes) forsomething you worked so hard on!! I think one of the major issues with postingto such a big fandom such as bts though is that there’s so many peopleproducing content at any given time, that it’s incredibly easy to get drownedout. Especially since tumblr changed how search and track tagging worked, itmade it that much harder for people to get noticed for their content.

When I first switched to drawing for bts,I found it hard because I also focused a lot on my note count. For someone whowas originally well established in a previous fandom, the move to bts was quitea jarring experience. I had built my following on tf2 art, and used toconsistently get a couple hundred notes, but one of main reasons why I left wasbecause of the dwindling of note counts. When I first left, overwatch had justcome out and a lot of attention shifted towards that game away from tf2, andalthough I still love the game, the dramatic decrease in notes on my art fortf2 really made me sad and I ended up deciding to leave the fandom after 3years of drawing tf2 art. I hopped around a bit, before eventually getting intobts. Even then, my first few pieces (they’re not on my #bts fanart tag so mostpeople wouldn’t have ever seen them) either got no notes at all or only two orthree. It was easier for me to establish myself in a fandom such as tf2 back inthe day since it was such a small, tight knit community with limited contentcreators, but now with bts there are so many more people and it just seemedhopeless for a while and I lost motivation in my art. I stopped wanting todraw, since it felt like nobody cared. Art is the biggest hobby I have, solosing my confidence in my art was crushing.

Now you might be wondering how I got towhere I am today. I’ll be completely honest with you. For me, I highly doubt Iwould be anywhere near where I am if it weren’t for networks. I had neverjoined a network before, but decided to join armiesnet and jimin network one daywhen I saw that applications were open. I got accepted, and I joined theirrespective group chats too. I met lots of great people on those chats, and madea lot of new friends which was nice after having moved fandoms and lost touchwith many previous mutuals. I’m so glad I joined networks, because not only doyou have the chance to make mutuals who will support you and your art, thenetwork blog itself also reblogs all its members’ content which gives youexposure to members of the network through both the network tag and through thedashboard. It’s a perfect way to get started, rather than hoping that somebodywith a decent following will happen to stumble across your work in the tags oneday and reblog it.

That being said, unless you’re like somesort of godly human being I don’t think we can ever get over how note countsfeel as an artist. We need something to gauge people’s response to our art, andthat tends to default to note counts. I can assure you that the feeling of disappointmentwhen your post doesn’t get as many notes as you want/expected it to is a thingpretty much all artists on this site shares. People always say “you should drawfor yourself, not for other people” but that’s the equivalent of like say themona lisa being painted and then left to rot in Da Vinci’s closet or something.The whole point of art is sharing your ideas/love for something through yourdrawings with other people, and so it’s perfectly normal to want therecognition you deserve for working so hard and putting so much love into yourcraft. When it feels like you’re all alone, you have to remember not to giveup. Creating art in such a big fandom can be unforgiving, but just rememberthat your art is never the one at fault. It’s all about finding that littlegolden window of exposure, whether it be through one big blog or a couplesmaller blogs reblogging your work. Those kind few people will be what helpsyou grow, and you have to keep posting for that to happen. If you water a plantbut it doesn’t bloom the next day, abandoning it will get you nowhere. If youjust keep going, keep watering it, results will come. Keep reminding yourselfthat you’re doing well, and you can compare older art to your current art tosee the progress and keep you motivated. Don’t force yourself to draw if youaren’t feeling it – art is something that should make you happy. I used to drawbecause I felt the pressure to put out content, but that just resulted in mefalling into a negative spiral of art block, limited motivation and generalunhappiness with my art as a result. Remember that there’s no such thing as adeadline when it comes to posting art on tumblr – work at whatever pace suitsyou and if anybody tries to rush you, shut them down. You’re the artist, youget to choose what you do with your art, how you do it, and how long you spendon it.

If you truly have your sights set onbecoming an artist full time, then by all means go for it! I can’t give muchadvice in that area since I only plan on keeping art as a hobby, but justremember that art school is always optional. In the end, working as an artistis all about the portfolio, not where you graduated from. It’s more importantto work on your art than it is to get in to an amazing art school. Sure, artschools can be useful, but in the end they are simply tools, sort of like atutorial rather than something that will magically turn you into an amazing artistwith amazing job offers. At the end of the day, it’s all up to yourself to workhard and promote yourself. Since art is all about reaching different audienceswith your work, promoting yourself is essential, even if it’s just casualfanart on tumblr. Feedback can’t come without exposure, and exposure can’t comewithout self-promotion.

Lastly, remind yourself that there’s nosuch thing as ‘bad art’. That might sound like a stupid statement, but inreality art is a constantly changing thing. There is no pinnacle of perfection,no model artwork that represents the most perfect drawing out there. Everyonehas different styles, everyone has different approaches, and most importantly,everyone is still improving. I’m still learning and trying to improve my ownart, and there’s no shame in that. It’s easy to perceive someone else’s art asbetter than yours which would lead to some self-critical thoughts, but you haveto remember that the other artist is probably looking at their own art andpicking it apart, thinking “aw man there are so many mistakes here.” It’s fineto make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn. Just because we see mistakesin our own art doesn’t mean that everyone else will too – nobody looks at artand their first thought is to list all of the mistakes present. As long as youare aware of what you are less confident in and actively work to improve it,you can quickly surpass even the people you look up to.

So yeah, sorry that this is hella longlol, but in all honestly I can understand what you’re going through. It’seasier said than done, but even though it might feel hard - don’t give up. Youmight feel like you’re not getting anywhere at the moment but I assure you thatif you just keep going, things will only get better. That’s the thing abouttumblr, if you keep posting art your audience can only grow. For now, I would definitelyrecommend joining some networks, and making some friends. It’s not uncommon forpeople to promo their own work in the network chat occasionally, as long as youdon’t spam haha

Anywho, I wish you the best of luck withyour art journey. If you need me you know where to find me 💕💕💕

#long post #sorry I kind of rambled #but anon if you want to talk to me don't be afraid to message me instead #I'm always here if you need to vent 💕 #asks #Anonymous #art asks

[plantanarchy]

so I saw @drowsymanatee‘s fish timeline and saw a few other people do theirs as well and since I have a similar “started from the bottom” type timeline, here we go

Under a cut because large images lol

Age 5+

My first childhood fish and first real pet was a comet goldfish won at a fair when I was very young. Obviously the care was mostly in the hands of my mom and she did decently well for the fish, I think. At first, he lived in a small one gallon tank with another goldfish and a bunch of guppies (not the fancy kind... just regular guppies). I have a picture of that somewhere but can’t seem to find it currently. But eventually, he got moved into a 55 gallon with various other goldfish and it turned out he was actually a decently fancy veiltail and he turned completely white and lived ~8 years and maxed at ~8 inches long in the body, nearly a foot with his tail included. He should have been in a pond and the tank was way overstocked with fancies and single tails with nowhere near enough filtration.

Age ~12?

I also had a fish that was “mine” for a while who lived in a 10 gallon tank outside my bedroom that I called “Neighbor Fish” that I think was actually a silver dollar. My mom had tried to set up a tropical community with fish her friend didn’t want anymore and Neighbor Fish was an asshole to the other fish (I don’t blame him) so got separated and lived in the 10 gallon until his heater malfunctioned one day and cooked him. No pictures but I technically was in charge of him for a while and would feed him (but didn’t do water changes) Poor dude.

Age 19

In the beginning of my sophomore year at college, my ex and I decided to get two betta fish together. We kept them in one of those terrible 1/2 gallon “tanks”. They were named Michael and Lucifer because we thought we were clever lol

My suitemate who kept a betta in a heated, filtered 5 gallon told me it wouldn’t work longterm and I’d need a heater at least, so I got one of those but didn’t get a bigger tank. Yeah, needless to say, Lucifer passed within a month and Michael looked like this:

He clearly has fin rot in this picture and is underweight, stress stripey and just awful looking but I had no clue. I was distracted by my friends and by my relationship and I did do a 100% water change every week or so, but mostly I didn’t pay attention to Michael at all... eventually, I got him an “upgrade” into a 1 gallon tank with a bubbler from Petco that was on sale... and then second semester sophomore year, my friend went abroad, my ex was busy with rushing a frat and I had more free time... and that’s when the special interest level of fish research began.

First “real” tank, February 2014

I upgraded Michael to a heated, filtered 2.5 gallon after reading a lot on betta forums. I was taking a break from tumblr at the time but I eventually came back on tumblr that summer and discovered fishblr.

Soon, Michael looked like this:

I was really getting fond of him and the difference was incredible. 

Second tank, March 2014

Within a month I got a 5.5 gallon tank and a second betta named Kaiju. It was hideous and had bright blue gravel and didn’t have a lid for a long time.

First divider attempt, 3rd fish

So yeah, like an idiot, I tried to divide the 5.5 gallon tank with a craft mesh divider. Didn’t go so well, both fish were very stressed and I returned my third fish, Kenway, but actually went back and rebought him a few weeks later. 

And promptly panicked thinking my parents would hate me for having three fish tanks (lol in retrospect this is hilarious), so Kenway lived with my boyfriend for the summer and got less than stellar care.

Third tank, 4th fish

So as soon as I got home for the summer, I promptly got a third fish anyway... I had never seen a plakat betta in person before and the majority of fish I’d seen were not that interesting color-wise either and Odysssey was just... a dream. He lived in a 1.5 gallon Tetra cube which I actually really liked the look of... but was far too small.

Also, Kaiju got sand and a lid and his tank looked no longer super awful except it turned out the sand I got was too fine and developed some wicked anaerobic bacteria smell and it was awful. I replaced it with black sand within a few months lol

Age 20, Junior Year 2014-15

So I went back to school with three fish, plus Kenway who I took back not long after coming back. Michael passed in September and not long after, I got my first female betta, Wyn.

These were my tanks at this point:

And Wyn, when I first got her:

Divided 10, January 2015

So I found a $5 ten gallon at Good Will over winter break and divided Wyn and Odyssey (which was dumb) with a DIY mesh divider (which was not safe) and lit it with an under cabinet light ducktaped to the wall (which looked hideous holy shit)

Second divided 10 gallon

Found a $15 10 gallon with an Aquaclear filter (my first HOB) and a hood so I upgraded Kenway and Kaiju to an equally unsafe and ugly divided 10 but at least it was slightly less ugly. 

Then, that summer I took all my fish on an 8 hour road trip to NJ to be babysat by roommate while I was in Europe? I’m not sure why that was necessary but ok

First single betta 10 gallon, July 2015

About a month after returning from Europe, Odyssey unfortunately passed away. I decided to keep Wyn by herself in the 10 gallon because she loved the space so much. And I got an actual light. Wyn had grown into a beautiful lady fish and she was the best and most precious thing in the world to me.

No more divided tanks, Octoberish 2015 idk

Kaiju developed a tumor sometime in the beginning of my senior year of college and as his swimming began to deteriorate, I moved him into his own 10 gallon. Despite his tumor, he actually outlived Wyn, who passed unexpectedly after a year and one month with her.

Kaiju just before I put him to sleep:

And my Wyn’s resting place:

I cried for days after Wyn passed and didn’t really want much to do with the hobby. I still had Kenway but mostly just maintained his tank and didn’t do much with him. He was pretty slowed down by his big fins and was going blind.

Age 21, February 2016

After a few months, I brought home Durriyah, a new lady betta and put her in a HIDEOUS 10 gallon by herself ft. return of the awful blue gravel

Age 22, still 2016

I graduated and came home with two bettas in 10 gallon tanks. Towards the end of the summer, Kenway passed away, and I got Zazzle. And then a month later impulse bought Buzz and set up the third 10 gallon and got a rack. My ability to not make tanks look like garbage had improved significantly.

March 2017, Planted, Community Tank and Exponential Tank Increase Begins

So this is getting long as fuck but ok, in March I got ~employed~ so decided I had money for trying out planted tanks. Bad mistake, 10/10 do not recommend for the sake of your wallet. I also got into a bunch of fish Youtubers and tried out some DIY shit and became way more present in fishblr but also branched out more

I also added a small school of 8 ember tetras in my 10 gallon tank with Zazzle

They did pretty well together!

One month later (after some rearranging and some plant death)

20gal community, May?? Idk what is time

So then the next big fish thing was my decision to upgrade the planted 10 to a 20 and start an actual tropical community.

Planted 20 when first set up:

Most recent picture of the planted 20 ft. dwarf gourami, harlequin rasboras, ember tetras, and horned nerites. I am very proud of this tank today and though I’m currently dealing with some illness and lots of algae, it is eons better than my beginnings.

Some other stuff happened with my tanks within there but all that feels too recent to really talk about. Currently I have six bettas and 8 tanks overall. I continue to learn constantly, especially about plants, filtration, and fish illness. My fish opinions have changed SO MUCH since I was a wee baby betta blog back in 2014 it’s ridiculous... and I thought I knew shit back then and would attempt to give advice like a dumbass. 

Important fish thing to remember: you are ALWAYS LEARNING ALWAYS. There is always something you don’t know or haven’t encountered. Most of the advice you’ve heard/give others will turn out to be bogus. RESEARCH ALWAYS.

 And it’s also ok if your tanks are hideous because pretty tanks can be very very expensive and I feel you, I was cheap as fuck for a long time. Your fish doesn’t care that you have rainbow puke gravel and ugly tattered plants. Your fish just want food and clean water and not much else. 

Take risks, do your research, and branch out. Keep what you love, not what other people love. My favorite tank by far is my snail tank full of pest snails lol My favorite fish is my ugly, plain looking female who hides 99% of the time. I have been keeping fish for over four years and have made MANY mistakes and had a lot of ugly tanks and setbacks and times I almost quit. 

I have spilled a lot of water on stuff I shouldn’t have spilled water on. I have ended up with lots of sand in my bed and on my floor. I have gone through more towels than you can believe and blown a lot A LOT of money on nice pieces of wood and weird sponges and rocks. I can no longer sleep without the sound of a whole bunch of air pumps and filters. I wouldn’t trade any of it, even though I started off a bit rocky and almost quit after losing Wyn and would have way more surfaces and more money if I didn’t have fish. I can’t even imagine it though. My fish got me through a bunch of rough patches in college and tank maintenance has both caused me a lot of stress and eased my anxiety at the same time. 

Whew this is long please do not read this whole thing lawd

#fishblr #fish timeline

[j2madhatters]

If you guys choose to post this, thanks so much! Ok, can I please vent? You’re REALLY kind, and again I love this wholesome, hate-free, judgement-free platform you’ve created where hats can feel safe to speakout and speculate. I have to get this off my chest. It’s been physically choking me since jib8 began. It might sound nonsensical and rambley, but I just really freaking need to talk about how madly in love Jensen Fucking Ackles is with Jared Fucking Padalecki. Obviously they both love each other immensely, but there’s a distinct difference in the way they show it (with jared often suppressing his feelings because he knows his emotions can easily get out of hand. That’s why in special moments like when jensen jugged him at jib7, or when jensen spoke on their relationship at jib8, jared physically could not look at him for a few moments) and I understand why, to keep the waterworks from flowing. But his soulful, solemn, and bottomless eyes speak of how he loves jensen equally.

But there was a post on tumblr I read where the person explained how jensen doesn’t really beard. I think they said this because he doesn’t put any continuous effort into his married persona except for the rare SM posts and when someone directly asks him about D at cons. The person then went on to say that jensen is ��openly and energetically in love with jared”. I wholeheartedly agree. The way he portrays his love for jared has been outrageous over the past 12 years, down to him always giving jared the unbroken chair/mic stand and wiping his sweat and picking his nose hair and wiping his snot onto his own shirt because God forbid jared be uncomfortable for even a nanosecond. It’s nuts. But aside from that, aside from him running his fingers through jared’s hair whenever he can think of an excuse to do so, aside from him blathering on about him in his solo panels and needlessly mentioning him in panels with other people. Aside from him being a major support-system since jared’s first breakdown and standing at his side through campaigns while he champions over his anxiety and depression. Aside from the thousands of tears he had to achingly witness jared shed and afterwards wipe. Aside from the neck massages he gives him and the vicelike hugs. Aside from the way he gets lost in gazing at jared like he’s always seeing him for the first fucking time, and then the horribly slow blinks he does while he’s still watching him. Yes, aside from all this crap, he seems to be bursting with passion and total adoration for this 33 year old 6'4 modelesque Texan, and since they can’t live their love out loud for all to see, I noticed they both seem to resort to music and songs. Jensen has even knowingly sung to and about jared on multiple occasions. They both enjoy the guitar, and that seems to be a very special realm for them (jensen’s beaming pride over jared finally playing onstage). I can only imagine how many late night sessions they must have in the safe, secluded haven they’ve built together in Van. All you have to do is go to Part 3 of the bonus j2 panel we got at jib8 (which I recommend doing) and pay attention to jensen from the moment he picks up the guitar. He’s so fucking gone for that man. “Jared, come here and sing something for me.” FOR ME. NOT FOR THE CROWD, but FOR ME. Then he just plays, and it’s all for jared. Jared is the only one he sees. He plays that beautiful tune and just gazes at him so tenderly, so drunk with love. Then he even calls jared to him for like the 5th time in that panel, and changes the tune. But only this time, jared’s behavior changes too. He becomes really focused on what jensen is playing and almost seems sedate. Then he suddenly claps to end the session, almost like he was becoming emotional? Methinks that melody was a VERY special one to them, based on the way jensen looks at him when he changes to it. Anybody know what that second melody was?

Anyway, just taking a song that jensen played for jared on the piano. The lyrics to “Everything I Do” by Bryan Adams totally suits the way jensen acts toward jared. Almost like it’s everything he wants to scream at him in front of us but can’t:

“There’s nowhere unless you’re there” (things only matter when jared is around; literally) “Yeah, I would fight for you, I’d lie for you, Walk the wire for you, yeah, I’d die for you.” (jensen has shown absolute and total devotion to his man and even sometimes :( helps him sell his fake love story of meeting Gen) “I’ll be there. I’d walk the fire for you. I’d die for you. I'm going all the time, all the way.” (again, blind and savage devotion. Would do anything for jared, anytime. We’ve seen this.) So, SO intense. People may not agree, but this is what I see. The evidence is there and it kills me. Thanks so much for listening!!!

LOVELY submission about J2, thank you! -Admin D

#submission #bthechangeuwant2see

[swiftiesupportgroup]

my anxiety has been really bad lately. No one knows about it and I've never been actually diagnosed, but I know I have it. The last 2 weeks I have been really struggling, especially with just starting uni this year. I've not been to one of my classes for the 3rd week in a row now because my anxiety has been so bad. Today I couldn't even leave my house. I know this is bad and avoiding it is only making it worse but I don't know how I can get through it. Do you have any tips for me? Thank you

Hi sweetie,

I’m sorry to be answering this only now. Unfortunately our members have been dealing with their own issues and handling their own work/school/life so most of us haven’t exactly been in a state of mind to give advice. I just reblogged some posts about coping skills for anxiety. I hope you’ve been able to find ways to cope with yours, but to answer your question, here are some tips for dealing with anxiety. 

First of all, I’m so sorry hear you’re having a hard time. Sadly, most of us have been through it and it’s never easy.

So now for the practical advice:

I know it’s way easier said than done to let go of things and focus on something else, something positive. But if you can manage, it might be good for you to try. 

*Though it’s important to know that if you’re at a point where absolutely anything is too much, this is not gonna work, I’ve been there too. In that case I’d suggest you see your doctor and ask for a referral for a therapist who can help you cope and manage your stress.

Something that has worked for me is creating distractions for myself. I’m really good at procrastinating, and I’ve learned that you can actually procrastinate your stress. Whenever I’d get overwhelmed and on the verge of a panic attack, I say to myself: ‘NO. STOP. Think about something else. NOW.’ Then I actively distract myself with music/ tv shows/books/cooking/organizing/tumblr/anything that occupies my mind fully. And in a matter of minutes I’m preoccupied with my new activity and actually not thinking about whatever is stressing me out. So I procrastinate my stress right until I have to do the thing that’s giving me anxiety. And this way I’m only fully stressed for a few minutes/hours in stead of actual weeks. So weeks of misery can turn into only hours, which is pretty good if you ask me.

Another thing to help you think about something else or feel a bit better is to spoil yourself. Don’t save that yummy treat for the moments you ‘deserve’ it, have it cheer yourself up. Use that fancy lotion or shampoo, get dressed for a glamorous night out (especially if you’re staying in), grab a hair brush and jump on your bed and sing your heart out to your favorite song, watch some videos of baby goats (that one works for me). They’re all small things, but when you find that little thing that always puts a smile on your face, do it.

If you can, squeeze in some more sleep. I know that can be very difficult but more sleep is always good, you’re less susceptible to be affected by hormone level changes through out the day if you had a good night’s sleep. It’s like, if you start off the day after a good night’s sleep, you have more back up energy to help you manage your triggers. Naps are also good, but not too late in the day because that will in turn disturb your sleep at night.

Nature can do wonders to manage stress. Exercise as well. Taking a walk, seeing beautiful nature stuff can be very relaxing, and again, whatever you like most. A walk on the beach, a walk in the woods, a hike, a run, a dance class, whatever you’re in the mood for.

And for all of these goes: Even if it doesn’t work, it’s more than worth the try to spoil yourself a little bit and treat yourself and show yourself some love in the form of self care.

If you find yourself doing these things without any results, or you maybe can’t even bring yourself to do any of these, I’d really suggest getting professional help. It’s not shameful to see a therapist, nor is it shameful to take meds for your illness.

Therapy and meds. From my own experience I can tell you that sometimes, when we live with mental illnesses or even high levels of anxiety for a while, we get to a point of no return. Brain wise. Your brain chemistry just doesn’t work the way it should when you’ve been subjected to prolonged periods of anxiety, stress, depression, ocd, ptsd and many more. Your brain chemistry changes and it cannot change back on it’s own. Not always of course, therapy can work wonders on it’s own, but sometimes at some point it really just is a matter of brain chemistry that needs help working like it should. I’ve been on meds for a while now and the difference it has made is unfathomable. Honestly I feel like a different person. I no longer get stuck in these negative thought spirals. Things that sent me into a blind panic sometimes no longer even phase me? It’s beyond anything I could have hoped for. And I could have gotten the meds sooner if I hadn’t been so scared of getting a diagnosis and actual treatment. It has been life changing and I’m in no way ‘cured’, I still have relapses and am nowhere near the energy levels of a healthy human being, but I also no longer feel like absolute crap all the time. My perspective has changed, it’s really unbelievable. And I would absolutely recommend asking your doctor about it to see if it would be something that you could benefit from.

So what I’m trying to say, there are things that can help, and the only way to find out is to try. And if you can’t, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

We all need help sometimes. And issues like these, well we’re not meant to deal with those on our own. Reach out to someone you trust and feel comfortable with, a friend, a parent a family member, a school counselor, and share your worries and your feelings and let them ease your mind. And if you need to, let them help you find the help you need to be able to manage your stress and live a happy life and be your best self.

So please know that you matter, you’re worth the effort, your joy is worth the effort. And there are so many people out there who want to help you, and actually can help you. There is no shame in reaching out to get better.

I love you, I know you can do this. And if you feel like you can’t, we’re always here if you want to talk and we’re always rooting for you.

Love,

Diana @coffee-midnights and everyone at Swiftie Support Group

#swiftie support group #anxiety #coping skills #755 #anon #answered

[askemilydeanyo]

What sex life ?

Dear Emily,

I’m thrilled to see you move forward with this. I think your knowledge is truly helping so many as of right now. My name and email may be included, and if so feel free to post this with your response but exclude my deets ha. If this can help someone else as well that would be rad. Also I originally typed this as anon because I thought it would only be that, so forgive some of the phrasing.

I am also have a few issues I’d like your input on. I’m a gay male and currently in an almost 3 year long relationship, and I must say, my other half as a human being betters my existence on this planet. He’s the true meaning of a support system in my day to day life.

Our differences lie within our sex life. We have not been able to find a groove. I, myself, am a sexual being, and he has always been the less sexual partner. He has a few mental hangups that he has expressed as performance anxiety, or shutting down when he feels pressure to have sex, or during sex, which puts me in an odd position because I never quite know how to bring up the conversation of wanting to have sex without him feeling like I’m attacking him/ lecturing him. I say lecturing because this has been an on-going issue in our relationship. I try to be encouraging but he just gets in his head. I’m not the most forthcoming sexually, and have my own anxieties initiating sex, so it feels a lot like we’re in this cyclone just waiting for the other to initiate sex.

He recently, after a long talk, mentioned he had been exploring the idea as a whole of A-sexuality, and that he can relate to a few of the traits, and I honestly didn’t know what to think about that. Sex for me is such glue to a relationship, and I’m a creature that needs it for stability and clarity in a relationship. I’m afraid that it’s been so long since our sex life has been active/ explorative that I may be losing interest sexually and that scares me, almost as much as the idea that the man I love may never want to have sex with me.

I’ve mentioned the thought of therapy which he has shot down due to him “not being able to take advice from a therapist because his brain doesn’t work that way,” and I really don’t want to keep having the same situation happen on repeat. I’m open, and have never turned sex down, and at this point just need someone to help guide me. When we do finally have an intimate moment, it usually results in us laying there kissing and getting ourselves off, which is also not the type of sex I’m wanting either. I’m feeling at a loss, and swimming in these holdups in my brain. What to do Dear Emily? (If you can suggest anything at all. Apologies for the novel, and thanks for doing you.)

Emily: Hello, Friend. Thank you for writing in, and I appreciate the novel! I hate the constraints of Tumblr’s character limit, so it’s nice to get more of a complete story for once.

I want to start by saying that you are totally valid in your feelings. I believe that in all couples, intimacy is the glue that holds two together. This pertains to friends, and family, and lovers alike. Without it, we start to crumble, or separate, or not fit together quite as well as we once did.

That being said, I think the first thing I would suggest is that you take the actual act of penetrative sex off the table for a while. Realize that while sex may require intimacy, intimacy does not always require sex.

You said that you two are in a cyclone of waiting for the other to initiate sex, and I can only imagine how uncomfortable that can be at times. It seems comparable to a lingering feeling of knowing you have to confess a lie, but waiting for the right time to do it. It makes you nervous and anxious and it makes your stomach twist and turn. You know it should happen - actually, that it needs to happen, but you aren’t quite ready for the reaction you may get. I think you should alleviate yourself of that anxiety by saying to your partner “Hey, I know it might make you feel a little on the spot when I approach you for sex, and honestly I’ve been feeling a little weird about it too, so I’m going to take sex off the table for the next (however long - say, two weeks?) and take this time to work on us.”

During this time, practice showing intimacy in ways that aren’t sexual in nature (unless that happens organically, then carry on.) Plan a romantic trip, or go to the park, or on a nice date. Treat him to a new outfit, or write him a love letter, or cook him his favorite meal. Make a pact to turn your phones off for an hour before bed and spend this time talking to each other, or taking turns reading out loud, or looking in each others eyes. Go to a nearby city and give each other new names and pretend you’re on a first date. Start connecting in intimate ways outside of the bedroom, and sex might happen organically. If you two start treating each other how you did in the beginning, this could cause your oxytocin levels to creep back up, which could help boost his sex drive.

Keep communicating your feelings. I imagine that listening to your long-term partner say he might be asexual would be very life-altering. This is something you guys need to talk about. When you two agreed to enter in a monogamous relationship, you were essentially saying that you agree to be the other persons primary sexual partner. When one person starts pulling away, or stops having sex all together, they are condemning the other partner to celibacy. It isn’t fair because it isn’t what you agreed to. And while I would never tell someone to have sex because they feel compelled, I would definitely say that a compromise needs to be made.

It seems like he is offering a bit of his sexuality to you by sharing it with you - but making it out of reach. Laying in bed together and getting yourselves off clearly isn’t the kind of connection you are longing for, and that makes total sense. Mutual masturbation is hot, sure, but it isn’t necessarily intimate. It seems like what you’re needing is for your partner to show an interest in you - to touch your skin, to make you feel desired, to know that he is yearning for you - and limiting touch to your own self doesn’t satisfy that craving. 

Have you two ever considered opening up? Usually I only recommend this to couples who are totally satisfied in their relationships (and thus have room to expand beyond their primary partner) - but if your boyfriend is telling you three years into your relationship that he is asexual, he may be willing to allow you to sleep with someone else to satisfy that need. If this is something you’re interested in, consider bringing it up to him. I totally understand that it’s not for everyone, but if you may think it’s for you, talk about it!

Another thing I think would be important is that you two do see a couples therapist. You would only need to go a few times. This whole thing about his brain not working that way is bullshit. You talk to a therapist in the same way you’d talk to a friend - there are no new brain regions involved (maybe just more activated when experiencing emotions.) He wouldn’t be getting hypnotized or psycho-analyzed; he would be provided with a safe space to communicate his feelings towards your sexual life. The therapist can help you two come to a compromise that would leave the two of you feeling satisfied. You are given tools to fix whatever is broken. Tell him to reconsider. Tell him that you both deserve that much.

I totally understand you not wanting to overwhelm him, or lecture him, or make him feel like his love is not enough. I know there is a fine line of wanting to express yourself and not wanting to hurt or offend your partner, but you have to put your own needs first sometimes. You should feel safe saying “I love you, but this is not enough.” And he should feel secure enough in your presence to know that your words are coming from a place of love.

Before you start this conversation (which will of course be after your two weeks of no sex and before you discuss seeing a therapist) make sure you’re approaching it gently. Provide words of affirmation. Tell him everything you love about him. Tell him you are thankful for his support, and him being there for you, and for his friendship, and then enter the conversation. You need affection. You need sex and touching and lust. You need spontaneity. You need to know what he’s feeling. You need to get each other off. Masturbation can be done in private - sex requires two or more. You need to feel wanted. And then ask him what he needs. And then the two of you can discuss your comfort levels surrounding those things.

Another thing to consider is making a few lifestyle changes. Try getting new bedsheets, and incorporating more aphrodisiac foods into your diets. Chocolate, spinach, maca, nuts and seeds, fruits and veggies. Google a list and get to the grocery store. Lastly, try breaking some potentially altering habits. If he is an avid pot smoker or drinker, ask him to go without it for a few days. Weed and alcohol can have libido boosting effects for some, but make others feel insecure, lazy, or too in their own heads.

In summary, you shouldn’t have to feel like you’re walking on eggshells around someone that you love. You should never set standards too high for your partner to achieve, and you should also never settle for less than you deserve. It is all about finding the balance. About showing love, and acknowledging that you need more. About communicating, but not pushing. About being assertive but not insensitive. I trust that you two can talk this out and come to a consensus, and that is going to have to start with you saying “I know you don’t like when I talk about this, but I don’t like not talking about it, so we might as well have a (potentially uncomfortable) in-depth talk now rather than a dozen (potentially uncomfortable) small talks that get us nowhere!”

Sit down. Look in each others eyes. Be serious, because you are serious. Express your feelings. Share what you need. Claim your stake in this relationship. If you don’t like something, change it. If you love something, make sure it is known.

I know you are so capable, and so in love. If you two are meant to stay together, know that the universe will make this happen. Best of luck, sweet boy.

Xx