#and really not liking it or not wanting to continue reading the series is a very justified view to have in my opinion | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dudeitiskarev · 11 hours

Text

Maybe Someday | Ch. 1

A Spencer Reid mini series

Chapter summary: After seventeen years, you show up in Spencer’s life. Or rather, he comes and find you.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x female reader

Rating: M

Tags/warnings: 4x7 spoilers; mentions of suicide; reader is a sex worker.

Word count: 1.7k

Author’s note: my beloved secret Spencer series is coming to light 🥹 she’s been mine for two years and I decided it was time to wrap it up and share it. This is the first chapter of 13 (+ and epilogue) and chapters are around 800 words to 3k so it should be an easy read! I hope you like this first part and I’d love to know what you think! Mwahhh

SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

When a case unlocked memories in Spencer’s gifted brain, he expected everything to go as he suspected: so wrong.

It didn't quite go wrong. He got the answers he needed, but not the ones he truly wanted. He was wrong about everything, something he wasn’t used to.

The good thing was that his father wasn’t a murderer after all, and at least it was over.

Or almost over.

Thirteen minutes until midnight and the only reason Derek and Rossi agreed to drive Spencer to the darkest alley in Las Vegas was Garcia’s fault.

"Are you sure about this, Reid?” Morgan asked, turning on the SUV blinkers and glancing at Spencer through the rearview mirror.

“I really wish you’d stop asking me that.” Spencer unbuckled his seatbelt, ready to step out of the car.

Derek sounded like a broken record by now.

“Look, kid, we’re just trynna’ help.” He softened his voice. “Case is over. You can let it go now.”

The Riley Jenkins case was, in fact, over. Although letting it go was the last thing Spencer could do when last-minute Garcia filled him in about a person that wasn’t really involved in the case, but was connected to it to some extent: you.

“We don’t even know if she’s gonna be here,” Morgan continued. “She could be dead by now.”

“Yeah, and being here is the only way I could find out.”

Rossi had never seen Spencer like this, so he had to ask, “What’s with the sudden interest?"

"I don't know." Spencer lowered his tone.

All he knew was that there were more memories he needed to unlock, even if they led to something he would’ve been better off without knowing.

“Alright.” Derek raised his perfect brows in defeat. “We'll stay here. Call us if you need anything."

“And make it quick,” Rossi added. “Or else we’ll miss our flight.

"I will.” Spencer stepped out of the car, looked both ways, and jogged his way to the other side of the street—determined to find you.

According to Penelope’s recent discovery, you were related to the molester—Gary Michaels—and that fact was enough reason for Spencer to extend his stay for a few more hours. He just needed to know if you were okay. Alive.

“Look at that, neighbor,” Garcia had teased him during the phone call that morning. “She used to live five houses away from you.”

Images of a girl came to him as soon as Penelope said your name. You used to wear red shoes to school and… that’s all he knew. All he remembered.

He tried to dig up some more memories while his long steps took him to the street where he somehow knew he’d find you.

And he was right.

There you were, standing alone in a corner, pulling your jacket and purse close to your body. It was chilly, and your clothes barely covered any skin. You looked exactly how he thought you'd look after all these years—17 to be exact.

Same features, just… more grown.

Every word he knew flew away with the soft breeze of the night. You were alive, and he smiled to himself at the thought of you being more than a forgotten memory now.

He brushed his hair out of his forehead and hesitated whether to walk up to you and ask you how you’ve been or if he simply should be satisfied with knowing you were still skin and bones and let it all go.

He paced back and forth for a whole minute, thinking about the pros and cons of a still hypothetical conversation with you.

"It's $300 an hour, pretty boy." Your sweet voice blared around the empty street.

Spencer looked around to see who you were talking to. There was no one else.

It was so foreign to hear someone other than Morgan calling him a pretty boy. More so when you didn’t even turn around to actually think he was a pretty boy or not.

He slowly made it closer to you with both hands inside his pockets. "Uh, I don't—” Spencer cleared his voice once he was a few steps away. “I'm not looking for—"

"Then leave me alone.” You were quick to cut him off. “I'm working."

Oh.

He reached for his badge and flipped it open even when you hadn’t bothered to turn around. “I’m with the FBI, is it okay if I ask you a few questions?”

Your body froze for a moment but didn’t turn to give him a single glance.

“Look, I already talked to the cops. If this is about Trent and his stupid–”

“It’s about your uncle. Gary Michaels.” Spencer cut you off with the softest voice.

Your body stiffened, and after a moment, you finally turned to him, giving him your full attention. "What about him?"

Spencer gulped at the way you reacted—at the clearer sight of your face, too. Furrowed brows, clenched jaw, incredibly pretty, and the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen—he was sure his heart skipped a beat.

He swallowed thickly again before asking while wringing his hands. “How close were you two?”

“We weren’t. Why?”

“They found the remains of his body.”

Your only response was an audible breath that slipped through the twitch of a smile.

It was relief.

“Thanks for letting me know.” You nodded politely.

That smile seemed to be the end of the conversation but he didn’t want it to be over yet. “I heard about your brother, too,” he then blurted out.

You scoffed as if he’d told you the funniest joke. “Is that what you’re bringing up to keep the conversation going? My dead brother?”

Another brave step brought him face-to-face with you. “I heard that they found some letters from him.”

“Sorry?” You raised your brows as your eyes widened.

“Letters. Handwritten letters. They’re sti–”

“I don’t wanna know, alright?” You cut him off, lifting your palm and signaling him to stop talking. “I don’t need that. He made his decision years ago and I… I don’t need that.”

He said your name to get your attention once more, but every time he opened his mouth, he got closer and closer to setting off a grenade.

“What is this? Some interrogation?” You raised your tone. “Who even are you?”

"I'm Spencer Reid.”

Your face softened as soon as he said his name—like he’d pinned back in the grenade—enough reason for him just to keep talking.

“I’m pretty sure we were neighbors when we were kids,” he added.

You arranged your features to your already usual frown and stared as you said, “I remember you.”

You did?

“What do you want from me, Spencer?" You then added.

What did Spencer want? There wasn’t anything else to solve.

"How have you been?" He merely asked.

You forced a smile and looked away for a second. “Better now that I know Gary’s dead.” Then you turned to him again and stared again, this time with curious eyes. “How did he die? Exactly?” You tilted your head.

“He was beaten to death.” He raised his brows.

“Was that… recent?”

“No, it happened years ago.” He gulped for the eighth time before adding, “Let me ask you this, did he ever do anything to you? Or your brother?”

“I don’t see how that matters now.” You looked down.

“He’s dead, but he’s still under investigation. So we’re still gathering information about him.”

You hummed, shaking your head. “He barely even talked to me, thank god. He only liked boys. He really, really liked my brother.”

“I see.” Spencer narrowed his eyes.

Silence filled the space between you and him. It seemed as if memories were flashing right before your eyes.

“We lived with our grandma,” you began. “And when she heard about how his son was a child molester, she, uh, she killed herself. She couldn’t bear being responsible for such things,” You said, looking into the void.

And then you lost your brother in the same way.

Spencer’s chest tightened.

"What happened after?” He asked.

“No one wanted to look after us. We were troubled kids, so we ended up in an orphanage. Curtis was two years younger than me. He hung himself before turning sixteen. He’d been depressed since we were kids and I guess he couldn’t do it anymore. And I couldn’t keep living in the same place my brother died so one night I… just ran away.”

Spencer assumed you’ve been on your own ever since, and the tough shell you put out into the world was there to protect the little girl with red shoes.

“That’s all the information I have. I don’t know what else you need to know but you won’t find it with me.” You sighed. “So if you’re done, please leave. You’re scaring away my customers.”

A car passed slowly in front of you. By the look on the man’s face, he needed the service you provided and Spencer would stay next to you all night if it meant you’d be safe from those kinds of men.

There was something about you being all alone that didn’t feel right.

“I can help you get out,” he said.

You laughed. You really laughed then. You had a cute, contagious laugh. Spencer’s lips tugged at the corners into a small smile.

“You’re cute.” You wiped a fake tear off the corner of your eye. “I don’t know what makes you think I want to get out.”

“I can see it in your eyes.”

“Oh, really?” You stood right in front of him with a challenging stance. “What do you see in my eyes?”

Everything about you was intimidating—from your eyes to your voice, even the way you blinked—and yet he wasn’t phased by it, or he didn’t let it show, at least.

“That you don’t wanna be here. That your family failed you. And if you were given the chance, you’d leave this place.”

“My eyes tend to lie a lot.” You raised your brows, scanning his face up and down. “I’m a good liar.”

“I’m sure you are, but they’re not lying to me.”

You scoffed, breaking the staring contest. “Look, I appreciate whatever you’re trying to do here but it’s not working. Just leave me the hell alone, alright?”

He couldn’t fight you anymore, but that didn’t mean he was going to give up easily.

“Call me if you need anything, okay?” He reached for his wallet and took out a presentation card, handing it to you. “Anything at all.”

You stared at it for a moment before accepting it. He gave you a tight-lipped smile and took a few steps backward, waving goodbye.

Something about the way your hand shook when you took the card told him he had to miss the flight and stay for another night.

I hope you liked this first chapter! I’d love to know what you think! Comments and feedback are much appreciated 😊

Next chapter one-sentence teaser👀:

(…)

“Spencer?” Your soft sob woke up all of his senses. “I’m a good liar and I lied earlier. I do need… to get out.”

(…)

I’m planning on posting 2 to 3 chapters a week depending on the engagement it gets 🥰

#Spencer Reid #spencer reid x reader #Spencer Reid x female reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid self insert #Spencer Reid x you #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid x fanfiction

118 notes · View notes

fanwarriorfictions · 7 hours

Text

Not Again - Part Thirteen

Summary: With Y/n reunited with her family, her and Az must face their inevitable fate, the exact reason Azriel hid the mating bond in the first place, their ending.

Warnings: ANGST!!!!! Light smut, and more angst

Series Masterlist

-Part Thirteen-

With a sword pressed to his back, dangerously close to his wings, he really should have listened. Azriel did the opposite, holding Y/n tighter to his chest, the words not quite registering, only the immediate danger to him, to his mate. Shadows swarmed around them, ready to defend, to kill.

“Gods,” Y/n groans, harshly pulling away, glaring over his shoulder, “Could you not?”

Azriel didn’t let her go far, instinct screaming to protect her from whatever dangers were behind him. His hand firmly holds hers as he turns to look over his shoulder, finding that sword still leveled at him, and a large fae male behind it. If Azriel wasn’t so concerned with protecting his mate, he’d be more than a little nervous of the foreboding male.

White hair, braided back from his face, sprawling tattoos going down one side, continuing to his neck, and onto the arm holding his weapon, in a language Azriel couldn’t read. The male was large, he could put even Cassian to shame in sheer size, daggers strapped to every part of his body, clad in fighting leathers. His green eyes were narrowed, lethal focus on Azriel, on the hand holding Y/n’s. Azriel almost snarled that attention, Y/n beat him to it.

Teeth bared at the male, she growls, “Put your sword down.”

Azriel’s shadows were frantically swirling around and around, trying to hide her from the male’s view. She hisses at them, and as if they answered to her, they backed off.

“I’ll kill him,” the male replies coldly, voice like the harshest winter.

“Now is not the time for you to go over protective dad mode,” she snaps at the male, “Put the sword down.”

And just like, the words finally register in Azriel’s mind. Take your hands off my daughter. Mother spare him, this was Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius, one of the most powerful fae males in her world, her father, here, in his home, speaking his language.

That revelation left him reeling. They’d opened a gate, she’d reunited with her family, and she was still here. Still with him.

“Threatening lover boy without me?”

He didn’t need to be told who the female was, Y/n had inherited the very cadence of her voice, that confidence, that soft, swirling accent. Queen Aelin Ashryver Whitethorn Galathynius, gods killer, his mate’s mother. From the stories she’d told him of both her parents, he wasn’t sure which one to be more terrified of. Perhaps the father who had just caught him thoroughly kissing his daughter.

“Mom please,” Y/n sighs, “He just woke up from almost dying. He doesn’t need you two threatening his life.”

“He seems fine,” the golden queen shrugs, turquoise eyes examining him intently, “Fine enough to be pawing after you like a dog.”

“Gods spare me,” Y/n groans beside him, resigned to whatever was about to happen.

Aelin stalks closer, Azriel felt like he was being hunted, maybe he should be more concerned about her. She moves with grace, surpassing that of usual fae stillness, an assassin, a warrior, a queen. There’s a brilliant blade in her hands, an ancient presence, something made like his dagger, like Gwydion. It has an intricate golden hilt, a large ruby set into the pommel, when she raises the sword, level with Azriel’s throat, golden flames coat the blade, hot enough to bring sweat to his brow in seconds.

Y/n hisses, shoving herself between Azriel and that sword of fire. Despite knowing that she was essentially fire proof, and that her mother would never willingly harm her, Azriel wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her to his chest, shadows tightening around them, ready to shield them.

Aelin’s eyes sparkle with amusement, practically twinkling in the light of her flames, “Don’t get all huffy, I only want to offer him some advice.”

“Is Goldryn necessary for that?” Y/n snaps, gripping onto Azriel’s arm.

Aelin ignores her daughter, looking directly into Azriel’s eyes, “I know what you did for her, all of it, the weight you shouldered alone.”

Azriel doesn’t miss the flash of emotion in Rowan’s face, that look of old pain. It echoes in Aelin’s, tinged with guilt. There was a story there, and it wasn’t a happy one.

“I know you took that arrow for her gladly,” the queen continues, “That you would do it again, my advice is simple, dying for her is easy, getting yourself killed in some heroic need to protect her, is easy, but in the end she’s the one who truly gets hurt, having to watch you die, having to live with that hole in her chest where you used to be.

“Live for her, fight for her, and know, that if you ever hurt her.” The fire on that ancient powerful blade burns brighter, hotter. “If she doesn’t do it for me first, I will kill you, and I know a thousand ways to do it, each more painful than the last.”

Azriel simply nods once, holding Y/n to him, she didn’t need to warn him, he would sooner die on his own blade than hurt the female in his arms. Aelin, seemingly satisfied, lowers that flaming sword, Rowan stepping to her side, that harsh glare, cold, promising a slow painful death, Aelin smiles warmly at her mate, a vicious gleam in her eye.

They made a menacing image, Azriel remembers teasing Y/n when she’d first arrived, of how it must have been to bring partners home, he understood why some ran screaming. He prayed they hadn’t brought the Witch Queen with them.

“As much as I love Azriel getting threatened by the in-laws.” Rhys casually strolls around the corner, hands in his pockets, “Would you all care for breakfast?”

Azriel gave his brother a scathing glare, opening his mind, you couldn’t have come to my rescue sooner?

You’re the one who shoved your tongue down their daughter’s throat, where we could all hear you might I add, Rhys grins, gesturing to the dining room behind him, “Shall we.”

Y/n had nervously placed herself between her mate and her parents, her mother by her side, unbelievably grateful for Cassian who had taken up the empty seat on Azriel’s right, Nesta beside him, taking up the rest of their side of the table.

There were to many glaring sets of eyes on Azriel to count, to his credit, he didn’t back down from any of them, that calm mask firmly in place as he met every single one.

“Well this is just wonderful isn’t it?” Rhys grins from ear to ear, fighting back a laugh when Feyre smacks his arm. “We’ve been getting acquainted with your new extended family, Az.”

Across from her sat her uncles, all glaring and sizing up Azriel like they were ready to leap across the table and tear him to shreds, all but Fenrys who was grinning just as devilishly as Rhys.

“You disappear for nearly two months and come back with a guy with wings,” he laughs, it seems almost threatening, “At least he’s pretty.”

“Debatable,” her father says quietly, stabing his fork into a poor unsuspecting strawberry on his plate.

Beside Fenrys, Lorcan looks almost as murderous as her father, glaring past her at her mate. Y/n doesn’t miss the way Cassian sizes her uncle up from Azriel’s side. Even sitting, Lorcan towers over everyone around him.

Aedion sat to his right, the wolf practically snarling. He might have been one of the most protective of her uncles, he’d had more than his fair share of scaring off her past partner’s. Lysandra beside him eyes narrowed as if she’d shift into an actual wolf, together they’d had boys screaming as they ran from her home.

“Hands off,” Y/n halfheartedly snaps at Fenrys, fighting to break some tension, “He’s mine.”

She can feel a ripple of satisfaction from Azriel. Again, Y/n sends the word down that bridge, mine. He entwines his hand with hers, squeezing once in response, mine.

On Fenrys’s other side sat Chaol and Yrene, Dorian at her side, they were the only ones not seemingly premeditating murder, but her uncle Dorian was a master of hiding his true thoughts. He could easily smile at someones face, and send a shard of ice into their back. Y/n thanked any god or mystical force, the mother, the cauldron, the Wyrd, that Manon was not with him.

The witch would never admit it, had only let Y/n call her aunt once in her life, but she was sure Manon had hunted down one of her poor exes. There was no tears shed when the male had wound up missing.

Beside Dorian sat Rhys, separate she wouldn’t have necessarily made the connection, but side by side, they look eerily similar. Raven black hair, sharp jawlines, the only major difference was the eyes, blue to violet.

“I recognize you,” her mother says from her side, eyes trained on the Lord and Lady down the long table, “This place.”

“I’d had a theory,” Rhys says, “When dear Y/n had described your journey through worlds.”

Y/n feels the dots connect, she’s surprised she hadn’t done it before. Her mother had told her of the world of stars she’d fallen through, the male who’d slowed her down enough so that she could go home. The wings, the heavily pregnant female, the night kissed power that had slammed into her.

“You’re the one who slowed me down,” Aelin says, leaning back in her seat at the revelation, “Thank you for that, if it wasn’t for you, I might have never made it home.”

Her father takes her hand in his, pausing his glaring at Azriel long enough to nod his thanks to Rhys, turning back to her mother, the tell tale sign of a silent conversation passing between them.

“You were that red star?” Nesta asks, leaning forward to peer around Cassian at Aelin, “But that was only a few years ago. That happened many many years ago according to Y/n.”

“Time was strange when I was falling,” Aelin explains, “I fell through worlds, moving forward and backward in time and place. I fell into your future, twenty odd years seemingly.”

There was a brief pause as everyone takes in the information. Only a few years ago, her mother had been here, falling through the sky like a red falling star, Y/n hadn’t even been born and yet she fell into this word only a few years later. It was hard to wrap her mind around.

Cassian seems to finally finish his thorough examination, breaking the silence that had fallen, “How tall are you really?”

Lorcan simply gave the male a incredulous look, “Tall.”

Cassian sighs, “Why is there another one, we’ve already got a tall dark broody with Az.”

Azriel glares at him, “Really?”

Y/n grins, chuckling under her breath as he gives her a near perfect match of her uncle’s look. His eyes light with amusement, lips twitching like he was fighting a grin.

Cassian leans his elbows one the table, with a feral grin, “I bet I could-“

“Don’t make bets you can’t win,” Lorcan interrupts.

“I could definitely win,” Cassian scoffs, crossing his arms over his broad chest, perhaps to look threatening.

“No,” Lorcan says simply, “You couldn’t.”

“Don’t mind him,” Aelin waves off Lorcan, “He’s just grouchy because his wife had to stay home to watch over things.”

Lorcan turns his glare on Aelin, she only gives him a sweet smile. It instantly gets beneath his skin, his hands clenching into fist on the table. No matter the years they’ve spent as friends, Aelin never failed to annoy the male.

Azriel gently squeezes her hand, saying down that bond, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, exact same infuriating smile.

Y/n simply gives him one of her own, turning to look at the room full of her family and his, who slowly open up into uneasy conversation.

Nesta looks half ready to corner Lysandra to wring her for shifting stories. Dorian and Rhys look like mirrors talking, Feyre, Chaol, and Yrene talking beside them, glancing between the two with similar expressions of confusion. Poor Lorcan was not getting away from Cassian, with the help of Fenrys and Aelin.

The only one still silent, still paying attention to their hands entwined between them, her father. Rowan glares intently at the connection between them, Y/n was half tempted to hide her hand below the table, Azriel wasn’t having any of it. He held her firmly in place, scars fully on display, shadows gently twining over her wrist, caressing her skin in comfort. He held her father’s ice cold glare, met it with one of his own, the shadowsinger’s like the cold of darkness.

“He’s had enough, buzzard,” Aelin says quietly, her mother putting herself into Rowan’s view, “Save some of the threatening for later, you can sit by the door, sharpening your sword when he can come to visit.”

“Visit?” Azriel asks, a brow raised at Y/n.

“I was hoping to have this conversation later,” she glares at her mother who simply shrugs.

“What do you mean?” Azriel holds her hand tightly, like he was coming to his own conclusions, none of them good.

Y/n didn’t want this to happen now, for anyone else to be the one to tell him. She was still reeling from the pain of being told herself.

“We waited for you to wake up,” Rowan says, an edge to his voice, “For her sake.”

There were to many risks, to many long lost enemies that would be drawn. To go between worlds frequently, to open and close those gates to many times. They’d already opened so many, already tested their fate. So she had to make a choice, she had begged to wait for him before she made it.

“Wait to do what?”

Y/n could feel his panic down the bond, and she hates the words as they come from her mouth, “To go home.”

He knew it was coming, had known it from the moment Rhys told him she was his mate. It was the reason he didn’t tell her, the reason he’d fallen apart so spectacularly. Despite everything, of course she would still go home, still leave him, she was a princess, she had a destiny, a crown, a kingdom, and he, he was nothing.

He was a bastard nobody of a long dead lord. In what world would this female, this princess, stoop so low to be with him, to give up her crown?

“Az.”

Gentle, oh so gentle, as if she spoke softly it would keep him from shattering.

“Excuse me.”

Azriel stood, ignoring the eyes from every angle, concerned gazes, glares, all of it. He walked away, he didn’t break, didn’t fall apart, didn’t cry, didn’t scream, he just left. Put distance between him and the knowledge that he found this beautiful female, his mate, and fate would rip her away from him just like that.

“Az,” her voice almost broke him, “Hold on, stop for a second.”

He couldn’t, if he stopped he was scared he wouldn’t be able to hold himself up anymore, he would fall apart and he would never be able to put himself back together again.

“Az,” she pleads, running to catch up, “just hold on.”

Shadows screaming in his ears, stop, listen to her, stop, don’t let her go. He forces them away, forces his legs to keep moving, to find his room, to hide, hide, hide.

“Damnit, shadowsinger.” A hand wraps around his arm, nails digging into his skin to simply hold him in place, “Will you just listen to me.”

Azriel whirls around, and he does the one thing he could do without breaking completely, the only selfish thing he’d allow himself. He kisses her, putting every raging emotion he was feeling into his lips on hers, into his hands on either side of her face. She gasps and his tongue sweeps into her mouth, fighting, claiming, begging.

“Stay.”

One word, whispered against her lips, one word, one selfish selfish word. Azriel would never ask for anything else, would never need anything else, as long as she stayed.

“Az, I-“

He couldn’t do it, couldn’t listen to her say no, because she would, and he didn’t blame her for it, didn’t hate her for it, he couldn’t. He couldn’t.

He pulls her to him, lips crashing in desperation and despair. She doesn’t pull away, doesn’t continue to say those words, doesn’t break him. Azriel drops his hold on her face, reaching down to her thighs to lift her, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist when her legs wrap around him. He carries her, blindly finding his way to his room several doors down, closing them into the space, lips never parting from hers, never allowing those words to come.

Azriel pulls away, only long enough to find the bed, to gently lay her down atop it, settling above her. Her hands caressing his face, brushing through his hair, dragging her nails over his shoulders and chest as they undress each other. He takes his time, ignoring the ticking clock in his head that counts down to the inevitable end.

She’s just as beautiful as the first time he saw her, soft skin beneath his palms as he holds her, admires her. Undoing each lace of her leathers, watching the way she writhes beneath him, listening to the whines and pleas.

“Az,” she gasps, “please I-“

He tugs the material down, taking the small lace beneath with it until she’s completely bare beneath him.

“Beautiful,” he whispers, not trusting his voice as the emotions rise in his throat, as words beg to be let out.

She can feel it, feel everything, the tears he bites back, her eyes fill with them, quiet silver tears that roll down her cheeks. Azriel takes her in his arms, kissing away the hurt as best he could, their naked chest pressed against each other. He could feel her shaking, Azriel wasn’t sure if that was just him.

“Az,” she begs softly.

Azriel knew what she was pleading for, and he wouldn’t deny her, wouldn’t deny himself. They were both selfish, they both needed this, needed each other, even if it was the one and only time. They would take everything they could before it was taken from them.

He lays her down, softly kissing her cheeks, right over those tears, before sitting back, scarred hands undoing his own laces, quickly, desperately. There’s immense relief when he pulls the pants down his thighs, a strike of pure lust through him, from that bond, from her when she sees him standing naked before her.

“Please,” she begs again, hooking her legs around him to pull him close.

The briefest touch has him gasping, and when she lifts her hips, pressing her center to him, he groans. Dropping down to capture her lips again, tasting her moans as he slowly guides himself into her. Slow, he would need to be so slow, she’d been tight around just his fingers, he didn’t want to hurt her, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he did.

“I’m not going to break,” she whispers against him, “Please, Az.”

Any control snaps when her voice wavers with the weight of her emotions, when she wraps her legs tightly around his waist and pulls, taking his breath away from him. Azriel had never felt anything like her, like their bodies along with their souls had been made for each other.

The sound she makes, the high breathy moan almost has him coming undone. He waits, letting her get used to the feeling, to the stretch, he kisses each of her cheeks, tasting the salt of her tears, and then he claims her lips, claims all of her, all that she can give, and he gives himself in return.

She writhes beneath him, silently begging him to move, he does, slowly dragging his length out, groaning against her lips, perfect, absolutely perfect. He rolls his hips, drawing sharp gasps from both of them, slow delicate movements to draw out their pleasure.

“Az, I-“ She gasps as he hits that spot deep inside her. “I-“

Azriel felt the words she tried to say, felt the emotion mirroring his own, felt his heart heal and break at the same time.

“I love you, Princess,” he whispers against her lips, his pace quickening, “I love you, I will love you even with a million stars between us.”

She cries, arching into him, matching each of his strokes. Bodies, minds, hearts, and souls completely intertwined, everything she felt, so did he, every emotion, every stroke, everything. He felt the tightening band in her core, threatening to snap and send them both over the edge.

“I love you,” she gasps out the words, struggling to speak around the pleasure and the pain, “I love you.”

And when she can’t speak it anymore, she chants it down that bond, I love you, I love you, I love you, my mate, those words are Azriel’s undoing. The band snaps, and both of them are thrown over the edge.

I love you too, Princess, he can’t find his voice, My beautiful mate.

She clings to him, like she’s terrified he will disappear at any moment, Azriel finds that’s exactly why he holds her just as tightly, sitting back, lifting her into his lap with his arms around her waist to have her as close as he physically can. Her arms wrap around his neck, nails digging into his skin like she could anchor herself to him.

In all their time together, he’d never actually heard her cry, not until now, the smallest, most heartbreaking noise, a whimper of pain. He can only hold her tighter as that small sound turns to a sob.

“It’s not fair,” she cries, burying her face into his neck, “None of this is fair. How could fate be so cruel, so gods damned cruel to gift me a mate, all the way across the stars, to bring me here, bring me you, just to rip us apart.”

Azriel wants to be strong, to just hold her, stay put together for her, but he can’t. The tears he desperately wanted to hide, to hold back, flood his eyes. And all either of them can do is cry, and hold onto each other.

They gave them time, time to be together, to cry, to feel everything they could offer each other.

Y/n had cried until she had nothing left to give. Azriel holding her through it all, listening when she’d finally gotten herself together to explain, to tell him what she’d been told.

That there were gates opening to worlds that should be long gone, that the threat of enemies like the valg, enemies stirring in this world even, was enough to keep them from coming and going from each others worlds, that it wasn’t forever, just long enough to find a solution, one they would work on in both worlds.

It was nearly nightfall by the time someone came knocking for them. Whoever was on the otherside waited patiently for them to dress, to have those last few moments together.

When Y/n finally had the courage to open the door, she’d been met by her mother’s turquoise eyes filled with love and understanding. She didn’t miss anything, the joined scents between them, the puffy red eyes, the hands that refused to let go.

“Everyone is waiting at the gate,” Aelin says gently, “We figured you would want to say goodbye.”

Azriel is a silent figure behind her, his hand never letting go of her own shaking one. They walk down those familiar halls, the house’s presence beside them, sad to see her go.

Y/n bows her head, a gesture of thanks to the first being in this world that had reached out a friendly hand and kept reaching despite her own protests.

Voices travel on a stray breeze, and Azriel’s hand shakes, that panic flowing like a river down the bridge of shadow between them. She never thought she would dread hearing her family.

“We’ll see each other again,” Dorian’s voice sounds, “We’ve had our best scholars looking into the gates while Y/n had been missing, we’ll continue searching for a solution.”

“As will we,” Feyre promises.

Y/n feels the tears welling up in her eyes again as they pass through the door way. Even in the large space, the sheer amount of bodies crowds the room. Her family, the one she’d been born with, had been surrounded by her entire life, and the family she was slowly growing into. Even Amren had shown up, the small female offering her a solemn bow of her head.

The gate was already open, and through it she could see Orynth, the setting Sun lighting the sky in brilliant colors, bright oranges and pinks slowly fading to deep purples and blues. And there, starting to faintly glow in the sky, the bright flame between his antlers, the Lord of the North, shining down on her, welcoming her home.

There were many eyes on her as the tears began to fall down her cheeks. The only thing keeping her from collapsing completely was Azriel by her side, his arm coming to wrap around her waist.

Azriel leans down to whisper in her ear, “He found you.”

She wasn’t lost anymore.

Her family said their goodbyes to the Inner Court, slowly filing through that gate until only her and her parents remained. Rowan still glares at that arm around her waist, but he raises his hand to Azriel’s free one. They shake once, and Y/n knows that her father was not holding back his strength in that grip.

“Take care of her,” Rowan says, and there’s a hard look in his eye, “I don’t care what hell it would bring down on us. If you ever hurt her, know that I will hunt you down through gates and worlds and I will kill you.”

Confusion lights her eyes, Azriel’s too, “I would never dream of hurting her.”

“What is this?” Y/n asks, searching her parent’s faces for an answer.

There’s a broken look in her mother’s eyes as she says, “Stay.”

Behind her, through that gate, her family stands united, sad smiles on their faces. It takes a moment for Y/n to understand, to grasp the words, the warning from her father, the gentle command from her mother.

“What? I- I don’t,” she struggles to find the words.

She staggers forward on shaking legs, Azriel letting her go. Her mother grabs her hands, steadying Y/n, she felt like she would fall apart at anymoment.

Aelin smiles, holding tightly to Y/n’s hands, “Stay, it won’t be forever, we will see you again.”

Her father stood beside them, a small heartbroken smile on his face. Y/n felt like the world was tipping beneath her feet.

“But,” Y/n felt like her throat was closing around the words, “I want to go home, that’s what I’ve been fighting for this whole time, to find my way home.”

And it was Rowan who said, looking over her shoulder, “You are home.”

Y/n follows his gaze, finding Azriel, a shattered expression on his face as he nods at her father. He’d made a promise to Rowan, and he would keep it.

“Stay,” Aelin says again, one hand lifting to Y/n’s cheek, swiping at the tears streaming down her face, “Live, be happy, love fiercely with everything in your heart, and know, that no matter how far away you are, the stag will always be there to watch over you.”

Y/n looks at that constellation through the gate, saw that brilliant stag watching her, watching the sky above like he could see all the way to the world she stood on now.

“We will always find you,” Rowan says, and she can hear the pain in her father’s voice, “I promise.”

“I’ll miss you every moment,” Aelin says, drawing Y/n into her arms, “But I will sleep peacefully knowing you’re here, safe, with him.”

She felt her legs give out, felt her father’s arms wrap around her and her mother as they all sank to the stone floors. Rowan held them all together, like he had always done. She felt like she was a child again, so small, so breakable, but with her family around her, she would always be safe.

“I love you both,” Y/n cries, “I will see you again.”

Aelin was the first to pull away, “We will see you again, my Fireheart.”

Rowan held on a moment longer, kissing that invisible mark on her brow like he’d done since she was a child. When he rose, taking Aelin’s hand, he looked past Y/n, to her mate standing behind her, Rowan bows his head just barely, a thank you. And her parents turned, and walked through that gate.

Y/n could only watch and cry as her family waved their finally goodbyes, as that gate closed between them, as the Lord of the North smiled down on her one last time.

He stayed with her, well after that gate had closed, her family behind it. His own had left, giving her the privacy to grieve. Y/n simply knelt there, staring at that empty arch on the wall, silent tears still streaming down her face.

Azriel was a selfish male, the relief he’d felt when Aelin told her to stay had almost taken him to his knees. But when he’d seen the broken look in his mates eyes, felt her heart shatter beside his own, he felt the guilt eating him alive.

So he stayed with her, sat down beside her, not touching, but close enough that she could reach out whenever she was ready.

Hours passed, and finally she leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder. Azriel sighs at the contact, wrapping his arm around her to pull her closer. She finally looks away from that blank wall, only to bury her face in his chest.

Azriel holds her tighter, lifting a hand to her chin, tilting her face towards his. He searches her eyes, the tears are long gone but the redness remains, and in them he doesn’t find the lost and broken pieces he expected, that he prepared himself to help put back together.

He tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear, resting his palm on her cheek. She leans into that touch, nuzzling into his palm.

“Where’d you go, Princess?”

For a moment he doesn’t think she’ll respond, she only stares up at him. And then she’s capturing his lips with her own in a soft, gentle kiss. Azriel runs his thumb over her cheek, admiring the feeling of her lips against his own. Here, she was still here, with him, in his arms.

She pulls back, only just far enough, lips still brushing against his own as she says, “Home, I’m finally home.”

Tag list-

@inloveallthetime , @microwaveallthedemons , @nayaniasworld , @thecraziestcrayon , @fightmedraco , @blackgirlmagicforever , @nikt-wazny-y , @fangirlloza010 , @thisiskaylin , @wolfgirl624 , @khaleesihavilliard , @fluffy-bnny , @mariahoedt , @durgenyx , @glitterypirateduck , @byyalady , @amberlynn98 , @ferrarisbitch , @a-cup-of-nightshade , @breella , @hnnybee0 , @superspideyparker , @that-one-little-soybean , @thebeautifulmysteriesoflife , @websterss , @sassybluebird , @fakesocialmediaa , @balsalmic-vinegar , @lees-chaotic-brain , @yashiw , @a-mexican-waffle , @thefairlyaveragegatsby , @tele86 , @emidpsandia , @nickishadow139 , @basicwhiterat , @namelesssreaderrr , @feyres-fireheart , @some-person-somewhere , @flowersinvegas , @sleepylunarwolf , @saltedcoffeescotch , @anxious-study , @joey-hoey , @acourtofdreamsandshadows , @julesofvolterra , @emryb , @lilac-sun21 , @krowiathemythologynerd

#azriel #rowaelin daughter #acotar #azriel x reader #acotar x reader #not again #rowaelin #a court of thorns and roses

146 notes · View notes

foreverisntenough · 2 days

Text

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

Index: Chapter 1 - Size of A Plum

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, smut (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, mention of the word ‘daddy,’ kind of angsty, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Chapter 2 - With a ‘U’ or an ‘O’ | ‘Ours’

Trent snuck downstairs carrying his laptop and he quietly crept into the office. He sat in the big chair leaning forward towards his Mac and hit print. He sat there impatiently waiting while trying to think of something cute he could write on the tickets he was printing. He figured it out eventually and jogged back up to your bedroom. Beams of morning light seeped into your bedroom through the window. You rubbed your eyes open to see that Trent was awake next to you. You smiled at your perfect boy in the bed.

“Morning, baby.” He cooed in a hoarse morning voice. The smirk on his face made your heart falter. You covered your embarrassed face with your thin pale pink manicured hands hiding from him. You muttered out a ‘morning’ interspersed between your giggles. Trent shook his head amused at the child-like action. “Happy Valentine’s Day, mummy to be.” He whispered, nuzzling his face into the nape of your neck, his hands caressing your stomach underneath your shirt. “Will you be my valentine, baby?” He whispered in your quiet room. You could feel his heart beating in sync with yours. Everything felt right. He pulled away from your neck to see the smile widening on your face. You rolled your eyes at him facetiously and nodded your head yes.

“You already know my answer. I always say yes, pretty boy” you draped your arms up around his neck and pressed soft kisses to his cheek.

“Want your surprise now or later?” He looked at you with a cheeky smile excited to show you.

“Hmmmm, I guess now sounds good.” You giggled eager to see what the surprise was. He said okay and reached over to his bedside table. He handed you a little card. One of the best things about Trent was his spontaneity. Despite his schedule and intense lifestyle he always managed to surprise you somehow. You opened a beautiful envelope. Inside were two plane tickets to the Maldives and a cute little note.

“Did you see one more in the envelope?” He cooed suspiciously. You peeked inside and there was a fake little tiny ticket for your baby he had printed. It was about half the size of a credit card so you missed it. You giggled. It was so cute he was already including your baby but also you couldn’t help but squeal about going on a holiday this summer just the two of you. No other boys, no crazy parties just you two together.

“Thank you baby! So so so much! I can’t wait.” You giggled, wrapping him a big hug. He gave you a kiss and you began your day. Although you didn’t have anything planned until that night. Trent was taking you out for dinner so after the pretty lazy day around the house you got dressed. You were going to a nice restaurant and landed on wearing a red Valentino mini skirt you were thrilled still fit you. You wore a gray sweater and a pair of black So Kate heels. It was fairly simple but lately getting dressed up was kind of bumming you out. Your changing body had you feeling insecure. You weren’t exactly ready to let go of your wardrobe once things really stopped fitting.

“C’mon little plum.” Trent cooed, he was referring to your baby after you had told him last night that was how big he or she was at the moment. He wrapped his arms around you standing behind your frame. His hands rubbed over your stomach. “You look beautiful, baby. Ready to go?” He cooed, placing kisses behind your ear. You hummed and grabbed your black Chanel flap bag. Trent had made a reservation at a restaurant you loved for Valentine’s Day. It was an expensive French brasserie he really didn’t care for but you absolutely loved. These were times that you knew he really would do anything just to make you smile, even endure watching you eat foie gras and escargot. To be fair, he was fine. Steak frites was actually something he liked so it worked in the end. You rubbed your smooth leg over his under the table as you sat discussing what you wanted to get for dessert. The whole dinner it was just about killing you that you couldn’t have wine anymore so sweets would have to do. From the moment you sat down it was apparent the waiter was a Liverpool fan. His face lit up when he saw Trent seated. Trent could tell as well. He was cordial but it was your night together so his focus was solely on you.

“Try this, T. It’s really really good.” You poked your fork into a tart holding up a bit for him to try. He gave you a love sick smile but said ‘no’ He didn’t want any because he was ‘in season’ so you shrugged it off. You bit a little of the piece you had offered him. Trent leaned over the table and took your fork from you abruptly popping the remaining piece of the tart on the utensil into his mouth. He cocked his head and gave a surprised face impressed with the taste. You raised your eyebrows at him feigning an annoyance that he changed his mind on trying it. “Oh now you want to try it?” You giggled. You fed him more of your dish and wiped the corner of his lips with your thumb unnecessarily wanting to glide your fingers over his perfect pout. He kept his hand on your thigh as you talked and talked about your future and gushed about how much you loved the other. It was another perfect date in the books of Y/N and Trent.

When you got into the car to head home, you leaned onto Trents shoulder as he drove. Wearing your once favorite heels was exhausting; you couldn’t wait to take them off so you sat barefoot now in the front seat next to him. Your arms wrapped around his bicep as he draped his hand over the steering wheel to drive. Your lips formed into a pout as you let go of his arm and brought your fingers to cradle his handsome face.

“Going to post me on your Instagram, valentine?” You giggled, squeezing his cheeks.

“Baby… I really don’t want to stir up the chaos. I can’t have you getting upset. You know you’re mine that’s what matters.” He tried to reason with you worried about the potential stress of peoples comments affecting you and your baby.

“You’re so dramatic, T! Just post me on your story at least! Tell everyone how much you love me! Pleeassse. It’ll be my Valentine’s Day gift” You giggled letting go of his arm to cross your own over your chest. He groaned, pulling into your driveway. He opened the door for you and let you climb onto his back. Trent carried you into the house as you held the Louboutin heels in your hand. When you got into the house he walked directly into the living room and gently plopped you on the couch. You couldn’t hold in your excitement seeing the coffee table in the room was filled with pink flowers. You pouted and reached out to pull Trent down into a hug. He sat next to you and leaned his head onto your shoulder as he began scrolling through the photos on his phone. He smiled, looking back on all the memories you had documented together.

“Okay, baby, fine. Not like a vacation to the Maldives isn’t a gift. Greedy girl” he feigned a look of defeat. Ultimately, both he and you knew he was never going to say no to anything you asked. You squealed, pressing a wet kiss on his cheek with a dramatic ‘mwah’ sound.

“My forever valentine” he mumbled under his breath as he typed it out over the instagram story. It was a picture of you two kissing in your back garden during a party, Trent’s hands on your ass, yours around his neck, bodies squished together. You loved that he picked such a PDA filled photo. It was a hot but mushy photo. You loved him so much. At the end do the day he didn’t care what people said about either of you online he just wanted everyone to know you were his and he was yours. You had posted a carousel in feed post on your own instagram. It was simple and not overtly showing him. A picture of your hand laced with his, a photo of your face squished onto his cheek on a plane, and a short video of you blowing him a kiss at Anfield. You captioned it ‘4 life 🤞’ with no tag. You smiled some more as you watched Trent jokingly roll his eyes before he hit post on his story. “By the way… this” he shook his phone at you. “Isn’t your gift, baby. Let’s be real.” He cooed. “Go ahead…see what you got.” he giggled seeing your eyes widen, really starting to inspect all the boxes in front of you.

“So if the surprise was the Maldives, then this is….?” You questioned him with a childish smile. You sat on the couch cuddled up close to him.

“This is because you’re my valentine, baby, and I love you very much.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead. He handed the gifts to you one at a time. An extra large Dior candle, tan Prada shearling slippers, Baccarat Rogue 540, Dior x Rimowa carry-on luggage for your Maldives trip, and the gold Bvlgari Serpenti Viper you’d been eyeing for months. It was all too much. He completely spoiled you.

“You don’t have to do so much every year you know?” You tried to tell him but both you and he knew he would never have holidays go any other way. You were so appreciative of everything but he didn’t need to, you’d love him just the same.

“Oh! One more, baby. For the valentine we’re waiting to meet.” He cooed, handing you a little box wrapped with a bow. You untied it carefully and lifted the lid. You opened it up and there was the tiniest cutest Moncler fleece coat that had little bear ears on the hood. It was so fucking cute. You pouted at him. “I saw it the other day and I just wanted them to have it. It was so fun shopping for them, baby. Everything is so small.”

“You… and it are so fucking cute, T.” You cooed back. He hummed picking up the the tiny jacket admiring how small it was. “I have somethings for you too by the way.” You giggled. You gave him some real gifts; an Assouline coffee table book of Formula 1, a pair of Prada sneakers, a Louis Vuitton silver monogram speaker, and a bunch of other things you knew he’d like. Gifts were definitely a love language in your house. The thing you most wanted to give him though was a bit more exciting in your opinion and probably would be mutually enjoyed. You pulled out one final bag cheekily. You gave it to him and he fumbled through the tissue paper. He pulled out a sexy Fleur Du Mal pink and red lace piece of lingerie.

“Oh yeah?” Trent’s eyes lit up. You hummed a ‘mmhmm’ you snatched it out of his hands, got up from the couch and scurried upstairs.

“Are you coming?!?!” You yelled back down to him. Trent puffed out some air and shook his head in disbelief at how perfect you were for him. He stood up with his cock already beginning to harden just from the thoughts about you in that little piece of fabric alone. When he walked into the bedroom you were on your knees sat back on your heels in the lingerie.

“Well C’mere baby. Lemme see you first.” He cooed, grabbing your hand to pull you off the bed. You stood up with a cheeky smile looking at him. He walked around you and sat himself down on your bed. He gestured for you to twirl and so you did. “I might need a picture of this one. So fucking sexy.” He groaned looking at you. His cock tenting in his trousers. You giggled and walked towards him. You placed your hands on both his knees and slid them up his thighs. In an instant you found both of you naked, yourself on top of him. Your face buried in his neck. You let out a quiet moan as his large hand caressed your thigh, the other helping guide his cock into your entrance.

“Mmm fuck T…” you whined against his skin as you sank further down his length. He didn’t give you much time to adjust, too eager to start so he snapped his hips up into you hitting your g spot instantaneously. He kept you on his lap on the bed with his arm wrapped tight around your waist. His perfect lips sucked bruises onto your skin. Groaning everytime you clenched tighter around him. He brought his hands to grip your asscheeks thrusting harder into you.

“You’re so fucking beautiful” he murmured moving to capture your lips in a sloppy messy heated kiss. You moaned when you tasted him. He continued fucking his cock up into you while his hands caressed your back untill he moved them around your sides and then up over you to your tits. He rolled both nipples between his fingers. Your thighs quivered, straddling him when he pinched them. “So fucking beautiful” he growled. Trent lifted his head to look at you. The wrecked expression almost knocked all the wind out of you. The knot of pleasure between his eyebrows and the darkening of his big brown eyes was stupidly attractive. You felt your clit throb. You shifted on top of him to get more contact. He grabbed your jaw to kiss you softly in contrast to his harsh thrusts. He stole your gasp from you when his lips pressed to yours. Trent loved when you were like this. Soft and obsequious on top of him. All you wanted to do was please him. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from how your tits bounced as you rode him desperately. His thumb smoothed over your raised nipple. He cursed feeling you clench again.

“Oh fuck T.. I love you. Feel so so fucking good. I’m all yours baby.” You whined. The tip of his cock hit the spot only he knew when he rolled his hips up into you. You arched your back until your tits pressed against him. The wave of your arousal made a mess of his cock and dripping down onto your sheets

“Most beautiful fucking girl. All fucking mine. Feel so good f’me.” You both could feel your highs fast approaching. He slid his hand between your two bodies and down to your clit. You tipped your head back and Trent took advantage of the space pressing his lips to your neck. He nibbled on your sensitive skin scraping his teeth against you, marking you as his. Every movement of his tongue on you made it harder and harder to think. You felt the knot in your stomach grow tighter as Trent’s fingers circled harshly on your clit. “Cum on my cock, baby. Be a good girl and cum f’me.” He grunted out. The pleasure started to be too much to control. Your pussy clenched tight around him as your body was filled with white hot pleasure. Your warm, wet, and tight walls become too much for Trent to manage. Swiftly he was twitching and fucking you full of his cum.

“Fuck T…” you whined feeling his thrusts continue but slow. He emptied himself with slow lazy pumps. You both were completely breathless as he stilled keeping his cum nestled inside you. You collapsed into him more and buried your face into his neck leaving wet kisses. “I’m sleepy…” you whispered with a childish giggle. Trent smiled, pressing a kiss to you. You both attempted to come back to earth. He rubbed his hands up and down your spine before gently pulling out of you, his cum leaking down the insides of your thighs.

“I got you, baby. I know.” He kissed your warm bare skin holding you tightly against him. The word around you didn’t exist anymore, the only thing was the two of you. You were exhausted from the love making. Your head rested back on the pillows, you let your eyes close as you breathed softly. The air was thick and warm. It smelt like sex. Trent let you lay on his naked chest feeling himself melt under your touch while your fingers toyed with his hair. Trent frowned and let out a boyish groan when you suddenly stopped.

“Nahh. C’mon, baby, please…” He whined, grabbing at your hand to place it back on his head. “Don’t stop.”

“Okay, greedy boy” the pet name sent shivers down his spine. He somehow managed to grip onto your body tighter then he already was. He loved when you babied him. “So need aren’t you?” You teased with a giggle continuing to play with his hair. He only responded with a hum comforted by your touch. He let his eyes close for a while as you continued to gently play, scratching his scalp gently every so often with your long nails. He was so comfortable like this. Being with you was his absolutely favorite place to be.

You laid in the cinema while Trent sat watching a Europa League match on the telly. He had an away game he needed to travel tomorrow for this weekend so you were taking advantage of your fleeting time together. He looked so cozy bundled in a jumper. You cuddled up next to him dragging your nails over his abs under his top. He purred at the feeling.

An article had come out recently that made you feel sick. Something about how Trent was conceded, disrespectful, a bunch of things he wasn’t and couldn’t have been further from. You weren’t even sure if Trent had read it. You hoped he didn’t. He knew it existed sure, but you put yourself through the pain of reading it in full, breaking your heart that much more. People could never know him the way you did but it upset you so much knowing not everyone saw that he was perfect the way you saw. They couldn’t see the pain behind his eyes reeling over a loss, they couldn’t see him having banter with you making dinner, they couldn’t see him coming home with flowers just because, they couldn’t see the hurt he felt reading twitter when people questioned his place in the England squad, they couldn’t see him rushing from the airport to your home after away matches to get back to you. You curled up next to him and felt safe. You were wrapped up in his arms and his scent. It was so familiar, it made your heart soften as he explained some controversial call in the match. Trent was a constant in your life that you always could count on. It hurt when he was hurting. No matter what it was, he was there for you and you wanted to be there for him. You hated that you couldn’t control what people said about him. Just the same as you knew the intricacies of Trent, he knew them about you. Trent knew you so well without even having to ask what you needed. He knew immediately what type of mood you were in. He knew your body language so well. In this moment, he knew you were comfortable. Something about laying on his chest made your heart slow. You knew this is what feeling safe felt like, this is what true love felt like, this is what home felt like.

Trent was down in Luton for an away match. He laid in his hotel room the night before and gave you one of many habitual calls whilst he was gone. You were laying in your shared bed back up north and the ache of missing him washed over you. He looked at you with his toned tanned torso on display. He was so unintentionally sexy. You were having a hard time not just begging for him right now. You were desperate for his attention but you opted to be a bit more subtle. Trent was on a rant about how pissed he was that a certain referee was officiating tomorrow. You pulled the tiny tank top you were in over your head and swiftly reached behind you to unclasp the lace bralette you had one. Your tits bounced being released.

“Baby, what are we doing?” Trent grappled with his words. He was taken aback by your show. He could feel the blood rush to his cock. He was a goner.

“I need to get ready for bed, T. Keep telling your story.” You teased gesturing for him to go on. You were completely naked now in front of him. Trent found it hard to control himself. You grabbed your boobs, massaging them and playing with your nipples playfully with the hope of seducing him.

“If I play poorly tomorrow this is on you.” Trent said gawking at your hardening nipples. You usually tried to abstain from any messing about days before matches but it was only Luton. He reached for his cock and began stroking his length as he watched you.

“I will make a public statement apologizing for my hand in your form although to be fair… it’s your hand not mine.” He said as your eyes widened seeing his perfect cock stand at attention for you. He rolled his eyes but let out a groan when you sat further back opening your legs for him giving a sly smile.

“Fuck, baby. You’re driving me crazy. You’re so fucking fit.” he moaned as you ran your hands down your body and back up to caress your tits playing with your hardened nipples. “Such a fucking tease, pretty girl.” Trent’s mouth was agape in disbelief staring at your body as you continued dragging your fingers up before sucking on them being incredibly messy, spit pooling in the corners of your mouth, showing him as you licked around them like you would if it was him. He started to tug on his cock some more. You brought your wet fingers down to circle slowly and hard on your clit. You moaned as you picked up your pace.

“Fuck T, I miss you... I-fuck.. I need you.” you whined at the feeling of your quick pace dreaming it could be him. Your brain went fuzzy as your glassy eyes watched Trent work his big hard cock. You bit your lip. You wished he was with you with his hands on you but that couldn’t happen so this was the next best thing and it was feeling really fucking good. You loved the way his gaze felt on you. It was impossible for Trent to get tired of looking at your delicate body. Frankly, he probably could cum just seeing you and knowing you were pregnant with his baby was just doing different things for him.

“Be a good girl and cum f’me” he was barely able to grunt out the words completely enamored by the noises coming from you through his phone that he missed so much. You felt the knot in your stomach snap quick, cumming messily over your own hand. “That’s it baby, feels so fu-fucking good” he shuddered. “Shit baby, I’m gonna cum as well.” He said before he released onto his abs, breathing incredibly hard, eyes shut. You stayed on the phone for a while after cleaning up. Chatting about anything and nothing at the same time.

“Night, my beautiful girl. I’ll see you and our little baby tomorrow night.” You hummed and blew him a kiss. Trent hated watching you grab onto the little teddy bear he gave you before he went to the Euros. You always slept with it when he was away. He was embarrassingly envious of a teddy bear that got to be with you every night. Trent was supposed to be with you in bed not in some stupid hotel alone but work was work. When he came home the next day after winning his match you were long asleep. You watched the final whistle blow but after that you curled up in your bed. You tried your best to wait up for him but by the bedside lamp still left on it was obvious you had failed. Trent slowly crept into your bedroom and pouted at how cute you looked cuddled up in the bed. He turned off the lights and glared at the teddy bear tossed on his side of the bed. He picked it up and made a face moving it. He carefully got in to bed, replacing the bear next to you under the covers. He cozied up wrapping his arms around you pulling your body to him, laying his head on to your chest. You hummed sleepily but didn’t have enough strength to fully wake. You knew it was him. He listened to your beating heart as he placed his hand over your stomach where the two of you's baby was. The feeling of your warm skin made him melt. He was so in love with every inch of you.

“Okay. I’m going to have you lay back for me and we’ll put the gel on your stomach, it’ll be a little cold.” You nodded and laid back feeling the cool gel on your warm skin. You sat on the table at the doctor's office and watched Trent anxiously bouncing his leg up and down. He couldn’t take his eyes off the monitor. “Here is your little baby.” she cooed with a smile as the ultrasound wand stilled on your stomach. She clicked a photo. “Here is their heartbeat.” The sound filled the room. It was so quiet in there, you could hear the whooshing sound of your baby’s heartbeat .

“Oh my god...” you whispered in utter shock. Your hand covered your mouth. It was so real and surreal at the same time. Trent took your hand away from your mouth and brought it to his lips placing a kiss on your knuckles. He laid his head next to yours on the bed watching your baby with you. You noticed how Trent held his breath as the nurse asked if you were ready to know the gender. It made you smile knowing he was nervous too.

“And you are having….” The nurse drew out painful seconds as your anxiety skyrocketed. “Congratulations! You’re going to have a little girl.” She cooed sweetly. Tears appeared in the corners of your eyes. The love in Trent’s broke your heart in the best way. Unbeknownst to you, he really liked the idea of having a daughter.

“Holy shit, baby.” He finally let out the deep breath he’d been holding. Tears built in his eyes just the same. “We’re having a little girl.” He pouted, pressing a kiss to your lips.

“Yeah, T… a little baby girl.” You beamed, pulling him down to squeeze him in a tight hug. He held onto you while the doctor printed out the photos of the scan.

“Doing okay, beautiful?” Trent asked as he drove you home. You were holding the images inspecting your little girl. He stretched his hand over to you to rub your stomach. You hummed with a childish smile still a little in shock, you finally knew what you were having.

“For you mummy.” You were sat in the living room days later when Trent came home from training with a big bouquet of pink roses for you. You giggled while taking them. They were beautiful and unnecessary but they did make you happy. He sat down next to you and changed the channel from what you were currently watching.

“Excuse me!?! Mummy was watching that.” You kept giggling trying to grab the remote back from him. He laughed holding it further away from you until you huffed giving up so he handed it back to you before pulling you into his embrace. You laid cuddled up to him and left what he had changed the TV to on, you really didn’t care.

“So mummy…” Trent giggled. “Is it mummy with a ‘U’ or an ‘O’ for you?” You hadn’t really thought about it. You guessed your daughter would have a different accent than yours. She would spell things differently than you do. “Just so you know, it will be a ‘U’ in this house. She will say mummy. Not having any mOOmmy nonsense” He dramatized an American pronunciation of the word and gave you a feigned stern face. You didn’t notice but maybe over the years you’d been living abroad your own accent started to change or mend. Your choice of words definitely started to shift to a more British vernacular.

“I guess it’ll be a ‘U’ then.” You giggled leaning back onto him. “Mummy” you mockingly said in a poor attempt to replicate Trent’s scouse accent. He squeezed you tight and you cozied up to him a little more. You watched tv for a while longer until you needed to get a worry you had that starting to plague you off your chest. “T…” you sheepishly called out looking up at him. “Are you upset we’re having a girl?” You asked timidly. It had been bothering you since you found out the gender. He seemed happy but you always knew a dream of his was to play footie with a son.

“No?” He laughed a little confused why you would think that. He rubbed his hands up your sides. “The two most beautiful girls in the world are going to be all mine.” He cooed. It was cute he thought that. It was an incredibly overzealous statement but cute nevertheless.

“I hope she looks just like her daddy.” You giggled pulling at his pouty bottom lip. He smiled imagining having a little twin. “I think I know what I want to name her, T.”

“Oh yeah? What are you thinking?” He smiled at you. He thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest. You leaned over you cupped your hand around his ear and whispered like someone else could possibly hear. You told him the name you were thinking and his eyes welled. “It’s perfect. Baby… I’m so thankful that you’re giving me a little girl, giving us a daughter. I can’t explain how amazing this whole thing has been already.”He cooed.

“T… you got me pregnant. I didn’t have much choice in the matter.” You teased giggling but he just squeezed you a little tighter to him sincerely. “I’m kidding, pretty boy. I love you and I already love our little girl so much” You cooed.

“I love my two girls. No one else in this world I’d want to start a family with.” He whispered as you continued watching TV.

“Are you going to make her play footie?” You laughed interrupting his focus on the program. Imagining your baby girl playing with Trent had your heart practically shattering. It was so adorable.

“Up to her, innit?” Trent cooed but he couldn’t help but visualize teaching his kids how to play. His eyes followed something on the screen then they fixed on you. He tilted his head and looked at you squinting his eyes. He smiled examining and memorizing every bit of your face. “C’mere,” he pulled you further into him. “You’re so gorgeous. Going to be the best mummy to her.” He pressed his soft lips against yours and you blissfully hummed. “That’s said with a ‘U’ by the way.” You both laughed clinging to the other.

“We have to make a plan to tell everyone soon, T…” you cooed as you laid in bed later that night. When your bump had begun to start show just a little Trent couldn’t stop documenting the growth. To be fair neither could you but it was cute he was doing it too. His camera roll was filled with pictures of you but as the bump started to form, the time of being able to hide it was starting to dwindle. Honestly it was hardy notable at the moment but you were always pretty fit and lived with a professional athlete so people might’ve started questioning if your body began to change.

“I know, baby. I think after we win the league. We could have a little party to announce her.” He whispered to you, spooning under the covers. Time flew and somehow you were nearing the end of the season and your little plum had grown into a grapefruit.

“Oh, feeling confident aren’t we?” You giggled. Liverpool had a great season. They were 5 points clear with a game in hand so you were merely teasing Trent. “Seriously though, are you sure? Maybe we should do something separate. I don’t want to take away from your accomplishment, baby.” You whispered softly back in the dark room.

“We’ll split it up if that makes you feel better but I wouldn’t mind. Maybe just our immediate families. I wanted to invite your family for the end of the season as well regardless.” He kept talking, continuing to brush his warm hands over you. You hummed, preferring that plan. It was sweet Trent wanted your family to come visit, baby announcement or not.

Marcel and George were over and the three boys were in the cinema watching another team’s prem game debating the controversial point deduction of a team about to get relegated. You had been feeling particularly lethargic that day. You walked into the room and the two two boys turned to acknowledge you and say hi still oblivious to the fact that you were pregnant. Trent turned to see you and his face softened. He held his arms out for you to come sit with him. You laid next to his strong body and wrapped your arms around him but weren’t comfortable enough like that. You pulled his shirt up and laid on his bare abs and chest. The heat radiating off his skin comforting your tired body. He chuckled at your need to be so close to him but he didn’t mind. He didn’t exactly have a body anyone would be scared to show off. You pressed your cheek on his warm skin and closed your eyes. Not to sleep, you just wanted to relax.

“Don’t want to watch, pretty girl?” He whispered quietly into your hair. You shook your head ‘no.’ Your one dainty hand was sprawled across Trent’s chest and he played around with each finger for a while as he watched the game occasionally talking with Marcel and George about it. “Can I get you anything?” He whispered again, tracing shapes on your back with his other hand. You smiled but shook your head ‘no’ again. Frankly you wouldn’t mind a water but laying on him right now was the priority. It felt so perfect, you’d rather die of dehydration than leave the man beneath you. A little while later another question came. “Can I do anything for you, baby?” He was so attentive. It made you feel like nothing could ever go wrong because he would handle every little thing but you took a second to really think about his question.

“A kiss would be good.” You whispered giggling not being able to come up with anything more he could possibly do for you. You moved your face towards his and pursed your lips for a kiss

“I can do that for you, pretty girl.” He leaned into you with his soft plump lips. The kiss sent electricity through your whole body. You always wondered what people meant when they said they only had eyes for one person. This was it, like right now you didn’t even know Marcel and George were still in the room. You only had eyes for him, the rest of the world blurred. This is what love was. Right here with this boy. You pulled away with a big big smile.

“I always think it isn't possible for you two to continue to get more nauseating and yet here we are.” Marcel’s voice broke your eyes only for Trent reminding you they were very much in the room. You giggled and pressed another kiss to Trent’s lips while holding up a middle finger towards Marcel.

It got late so you went upstairs to shower, Marcel and George went home, and Trent stayed put in the cinema when he decided to FaceTime Jude. You weren’t totally sure how they even managed conversations with each other because they both yapped so much. How could one possibly get a word in over the other. Their friendship was really cute and you loved Jude. It just was a little funny when you did hear them converse. It was fast and chaotic, filled with inside jokes, riddled with stupidity and intellect all at the same time. They talked and talked; football, friends, upcoming England duties, general gossip, filling each other in on family. Although the latter topic was when things took a turn.

“Yeah we’ve been staying in a lot more. Y/N’s almost 4 months now so taking it pretty easy up here, mate.” Trent laughed and then stopped instantly when he saw Jude’s eyes widen, his face fall into complete shock.

“Erm, bro, what…?” Jude muttered out absolutely shaken. To be fair Jude was younger than you two so the thought of a baby in his mind was not only terrifying but it was hard to not think it was likely unplanned and a mistake.

“Fuck! You can’t say anything. Serious Jude, not a fucking word.” Trent rambled quickly starting to panic. He sat up more in his seat and ran his hand over his head.

“I won’t, I won’t mate. Are you serious though? Did you plan this? Does anyone know?” Jude rattled back just as fast but his surprised face dropped into one of concern.

“Yeah, we had been trying. Definitely a planned thing.” Trent laughed. “No one knows yet we haven’t told anyone. We wanted to make sure the baby and her were healthy and all that. Bro, I’m so serious you cannot say a word until we let everyone else know.”

“Course. Wow. Congratulations Trentski. That’s fucking mad. I’m really happy for you lot.” Jude giggled a little flustered by the news he just unearthed.

“Yeah, I’m absolutely buzzing. We’re so excited. Y/N is doing well so far and we just found out we’re having a little girl so I’m fucking gassed.”

“Ayye! That’s sick, mate. Congratulations, really. So you're naming her Judy right?” Jude teased but definitely laced with a bit of seriousness he hoped he’d be involved in his best friend's baby’s life somehow.

“Yeah, obviously. First name that came to my mind when I looked at the image of my beautiful baby girl and Y/N.” Trent joked sarcastically laughing. “Thank you though. Shit! Y/N is going to kill me that I told you. How do I tell her you know?” He started to worry. Jude laughed at his panic. Trent didn’t need to fret really, Jude wasn’t going to tell anyone.

“Just tell her it was important I knew because you’re naming her after me. Simple as.” Jude laughed. Trent rolled his eyes.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter … 🤍

Next part - Chapter 3 xx

#trent alexander arnold x reader #trent alexander arnold #trent alexander arnold imagines #taa x reader #taa66 #oursfic

74 notes · View notes

kirbybecomesastarwarrior · 2 days

Text

Lady Celestine: Navigator of the Constellations:

The Forgotten Hero of Yore

The Merlyn of the KBASW (AU) & the love of Arthur's life.

Just to be clear Merlyn & Celestine are the same person it's just her disguise when she goes out.

For: @kirbyoctournament

Character Overview/Personality: She's the combination of Merlin from Disney's Sword & the Stone, Queen Eclipsa from SVTFW, Willy Wonka from (Wonka 2023 ), and Merlin from (the 2008 TV series).

She's an optimist... many of her peers mistake it for being naivety but in reality she's well aware of the darkness in the world... she sees it every day with her powers. Since seeing so many terrible things in the future she treasures the present and is always grateful for the things she enjoys in the now. (Also there's another reason for this....)

And finds the joy in the darkest of times...

She likes to be overly prepared... And tend to keep (*hoard) things they might need... Often tends to hold things she doesn't really need. With Arthus side eying her "You really need to keep that."

"Don't look at me like that Wart... WE MAY NEED THIS HARPOON ONE DAY WHO KNOWS & YOU'LL THANK ME LATER !" *proceeds to carry bloody harpoon home... with Arthur facepalming himself*

They actually did end up using that harpoon 3 months later & Celestine rubbed it in Arthur's face for an entire week. This constant hoarding led her to the first iteration of the Dimensional Cape, which started as a dimensional bag to store all her stuff. (LMAO).

This brings me to Celestine's wisdom & sass: similar to Merlin (the series & Disney) is filled with cleverness & comebacks. When she's doing her diplomatic work and out and about she knows how to do it "gracefully."But when she transforms into Merlyn, she lets loose exactly how Merlin is when he becomes Dragoon. Has no filter and becomes a chaotic old man throwing shade left & right

She hates' cursing so as resulting in hilarious, nonsensical words to place them: Fiddle sticks, biscuits, sweet butter crumpets, etc ~

Her future sight has made her a very empathic person... knowing the suffering of others in her visions. Creating a very kind, caring individual who wants the best for everyone, for them to be happy.

Keep reading for extra content & lore: (Which include spoilers for KBASW so tread carefully!) Other than that please continue...

Lore related content: (If you just want a short read)

In Denial (Oldest lore)

What Kind of King's in My Blood (Background info)

Celestine is Merlyn: (Most Current lore)

And fair warning I low-key wrote a novel... but there's a special prize at the end if you read all of it. (Extended Lore)

Lady Celestine serves as a catalyst for the anime Kirby series...

Now Celestine can't predict the exact future... only show potential paths. But her powers can guide people to the outcome they want and the path that constantly changing.

Absolom made Celestine focus solely on her future vision and trained her personally... He tried to paint himself as this kind saintly father figure towards her... but in reality, wanted to monopolize her ability.

He tremendous amount of pressure on the poor girl...(Mother Gothel Style "Mother knows best) Believing the only thing that made her valuable was her future sight. And one more thing about Celestine... SHE HATED HER FUTURE VISION! She didn't just see the future... she experienced it! Feeling all the raw emotions of the scene.

However, Absolum would guilt-trip her: "Oh you don't want to let everyone down... you're the only one who can do this... you're so special... you can't disappoint everyone..:

Causing her to grit her teeth and bear with it... Absolum was like a father to her she couldn't say "No." Plus it's not like she could let them down... One day she had a terrible vision foreshadowing the demise of Shiver Star...

The people of Shiver Star were infected by Dark Matter's essence... Nightmare & his demons robbed them and stole all the planet's resources... while the people were possessed and had their life sources absorbed by Dark Matter.

Celestine immediately ran to the other Heroes of Yore & Absolum.... for this and assured the worried child they'd take care of this... "don't worry we'll use this information and take care of it."

And they didn't just take care of it... THEY MADE IT WORSE! Seeing an even more terrible vision appeared before her.

Celestine: Wait I thought you said you'd-

Absolum: Oh but my child we did you said that planet was a goner anyway... they were already possessed.... it would be so wasteful if all those resources would fall to Nightmare...

Sir Uther: We cleared out the planet before Nightmare did. And killed all of those who were going to be infected & spread it throughout the galaxy... we prevented the problem before it even happened...*gives a wicked smile*

Absolum: Yes we couldn't have done it without you *gives a wicked smile*

Celestine couldn't help but blame herself for the downfall of Shiver Star... A few hours later Celestine's warpstar cracked-

"No problem... I think," Absolum

To remedy the situation, Absolum tried to fame concern for her but in reality was keeping her in the temple to hide that she was "broken." She could still tell fortunes just at random, they just had to keep her near the temple and store them whenever they came to her.

Absolum was still reeling at how could this happen... he didn't want to expose his little mistake. (In truth he knew he was working too hard and put her to work earlier than most, because of her ability... CHILD LABOR AM I RIGHT?!.) It was still too valuable, they can't risk having her break some more...

Thus, Celestine became a caged bird.

Uther felt that she was a failure unbecoming of a Hero of Yore and not deserving of her title. She can no longer do the ability properly and with her body always hurting how was she going to fight on the battlefield!

Along with that thought she be too emotional anyway... always trying to steer them to the future... the least amount of damage... HE WANTED PROGRESS! Often opting for the method that would get him results not caring about the collateral damage!

Icarus shares in Uther's sentiments, with the added notion that she got away with lazying around doing nothing. Just got to sit there waiting for the next prediction to come around. He & Uther were doing all the heavy lifting and she was still being treasured by Absolum... (he wasn't jealous of the attention or anything...)

Thus resulting in Icarus having the brilliant idea of sticking Celestine with all the political fairs (the paperwork). Which seemed like a good idea at the time (a decision they would all come to regret).

Unbeknownst to them... they had given Celestine all the diplomatic power in the galactic court. Managing to win over the galactic council with her charm and grace. Uther had always used his power to intimidate his ideals.

However, Celestine had a softer approach and was seen as far more likable in the... (this was before the council was corrupt and this was due to Celestine's influence...) Often resulting in the members to come to her for their problems. Uther couldn't beat her in this arena... being reminded all too well this was a political battle as well.

For Icarus, you see there was a... certain deal he wanted to part take in... a deal with Halacandra. Where did the GSA partner up with and believe that he could easily impress with his inventions... with their queen?! ( Minerva Mim - Magolor's great aunt)

What happened... the king was supposed to be here whys he spent an entire month sucking up to him who was this queen...

The queen was not impressed & ended up showing technology far greater than his... for the first time, Icarus was forced to eat humble pie... "How could this have, surely this is some sort of mistake shouldn't the king be here-"

"Oh he's dead... and unlike him, I'm not to be won over by pretty words and flattery now you offend me... why would I ever want to do business with a lowlife with you!"

Madam made sure to inform the GSA they would not be doing business with them & Absolum desperately wanted to get that deal. Then Celestine volunteered to remedy the situation & suggested inviting her here.

Absolum agrees seeing there is nothing to lose, Uther believes this was just a desperate attempt to try to be useful while Icarus is excitedly waiting for her to fail.

Meeting arrives Celestine takes care of everything personally and at the end of the day. Queen Minerva is all smiles and arrives with a contract, "Alright I've changed my mind, and I'll do the deal as long as I'm working with her."

Minerva wasn't interested in Icarus' inventions but Celestine's alchemic formulas were revolutionary. And just had to have her on their team.

Absolum was shocked and relieved... (maybe this girl had more than one use after all...) and was constantly praising her. And because of her connections with Minerva... she'll need a bodyguard now when she leaves the GSA base but what the why it was worth it.

And Icarus oh how badly he wanted to be part of the mixing pot, but he had to go through Celestine. Who was more than happy to reject his proposal and experiments. (Icarus never forgave her for this.)

She was becoming too influential now ... This resulted in Icarus scheming with Uther... to get rid of her.

Thus beginning the creations of the Ancients & the Halcandrans, with Celestine & Minerva leading the helm. Alongside Dairus Drosselmeyer (Minerva's right-hand man & Daroach's great uncle)... they created many of the legendary treasures... that were now scattered about the galaxy.

(These were kept secret from the GSA... Minerva knew the truth of the situation... for you see during the meeting she had hidden away Kirby's prediction not of him just defeating Nightmare, but the reawakening of Void Termina & Doomsday... and showed it to the Queen and she understood... that's the other reason why she said yes to her)

Minerva helps Celestine create the Kabu's across the galaxy and presents them as "safe houses for star warriors" but in reality, they were all preset guides to Kirby's prophecy.

And helped her create Triple Star... Thus the creating the vigilante Merlyn.... Her work as Merlyn didn't go unnoticed and the people of the galaxy started to recognize the hypocrisy of the GSA. Which made the Ancients & the other's blood boil.

This resulted in having Uther send in his send three of his best soldiers: Sir Nonsurat, Dame Morgan, and last but not least (you guessed it WART... I mean Sir Arthur.)

Kirby's prophecy spoke of "a match" to start the spark that would flame of a new era of peace...

Arthur- Match/ Meta Knight - Spark/Kirby - Flame

At the time she didn't know who it was; the prophecy was incredibly vague with which one it was. But she wasn't going to pass her knowledge to any of them without being sure. (She didn't want another Shiver Star incident to happen... not again...)

But know would she determine which one it would be... they all seemed the most unlikely candidates as "the match." How could she weed out which one... A TRAIL, A TEST, A GAME!

So like in tales of old, Celestine did these little tests of character... and would secretly tag along during missions. Giving them all a chance to see which one it would participate in... Giving them little riddles of the monster Nightmare would do. But she always gave them a choice... (breadcrumbing) and "can't force anyone to change."

However, three of them all seem annoyed at this except for... Sir Arthur was the only one captivated and interested. It takes a while for Arthur to accept Merlyn's but only after the events of:

What Kind of King is in My Blood:

That makes him actively ask for Merlyn (Celestine to help him change) and pretty much becomes Celestine's partner in crime. And as to become a willing student... merely wishing not to become like his master (Sir Uther).

However, their little sparring match still happening, with the condition that he should win... Merlyn's not allowed to be called him Wart... (Needless to say she fought him twice as hard.)

(This post-Celestine is Merlyn:) It goes into more detail about their relationship here but... I added a few things.

Romantic feelings only start after that...

Basically, before they knew they were head-over-heals for each other their love could never be in reality. Not just because of their positions but something else...

After her warpstar broke... she received a terrible vision of her body eventually breaking and her disappearing into star dust. Foreseeing her early death...

She had initially accepted but after all the friends she made (and falling in love with Arthur) she did everything she could to stay longer for them... Celestine tried to keep herself together as long as she could, and managed to keep herself alive a little longer (than she was supposed to) but now she could feel it... she was running out of time.

How was she supposed to tell her everyone... Minerva would be devastated, who was going to help Darius (& Minerva) with his creations, who would protect her followers, and stop Uther & Icarus from making the galaxy into a wasteland...

And worst of all she'd leave Arthur all alone & heartbroken. Who's supposed to tease him now, make sure he doesn't do anything reckless, keep that ego in check, make sure he isn't a prat, to remind him to smile and enjoy life... to laugh... oh her poor little Wart...

No there must be another way...she couldn't tell any of her friends... she wasn't giving up yet... However, little did she know that was the least of her worries...

Celestine was always careful with hiding her connections with her alter-ego... and Arthur, but there was one person who did figure this out. Sir Nonsurat; after Arthur had saved "Merlyn" from his grasp he started to see a pattern.

Arthur had been an accomplice to Merlyn's along... "HOW DARE ARTHUR, I KNEW YOU NEVER DESERVED YOUR POSITION AND WITH THIS YOU WILL BE RUINED FOR SURE."

Thus, Celestine received numerous horrible visions (she got them all at once)... of Arthur being found guilty in a trial. And at the end of each, Arthur had refused to sell her out, remaining loyal to her, confessing his love for her, and dying. And then she saw her demise as well... her body finally breaking right after... poofing into stardust.

Being completely overwhelmed, she burst into tears. Desperately searching for a future where they could both live... (a future where she could be happy with him.) However, it was either that she & Arthur had escaped and her body would explode and Arthur would be captured (by the GSA) and executed right after for his desertion).

Celestine couldn't help but believe that she had destroyed Arthur's future all because she had gotten involved... (it was Shiver Star all over again.) Just like in the other futures... what could she possibly do...

Perhaps...she could solve one problem with another...

So, before the day Nonsurat was going to turn in his report of evidence... Celestine had stolen it away. And with the help of Darius, they manipulated the information to frame someone else...

Nonsurat was infuriated once he found his evidence to be stolen... But he didn't want to cause an uproar, so he demanded a completed search of every squadron. Under the pretext "there is a traitor among us, and they've stolen my documents..."

A complete search required every general to be accounted for. Nonsurat observed Arthur carefully only to find him especially giddy!?

Arthur: I do hope the search is finished soon... The sooner we finish here the sooner I can give Celestine this-

Kit Cosmo: Code red! Everyone needs to come to the Courtyard immediately! Were under attack!

Arthur: By who?!

Kit Cosmo: By... Lady Celestine...

(She had already known Icarus was trying to take her down... so using her Nonsurat's evidence, she had successfully framed herself... handing it in in the guise of one of Icarus' informants.)

With the information he had put together and received, Sir Icarus concocted a false trail that Celestine was leaking information and was secretly in cahoots... with Merlyn.

Since it was a trial that involved someone as high-ranking as her... she knew the trial would exclude a select few. And since she knew Nonsurat would warrant a search... she knew it would be the perfect thing to keep Arthur out of the trail.

Celestine: Well, if I am going to get locked away... I might as well make it worth the sentencing.

It was at this moment that Celestine unleashed her demonic owl (she had hidden away) and bit off his head Absolum; killing him instantly. (Madoka Magica style). Icarus tried to stop her but failed Celestine resulting in his wings being ripped off. And officially went on a rampage letting out all those years of unbridled rage & sorrow she had kept in.

Then she remembered quickly about Kirby's prediction... quickly she created her own army of Hydro Clones... to leave them all at bay.

She went into her lab and quarters and destroyed every piece of magical research and Alchemic formula. She wasn't going to let them benefit & use her research any longer and most importantly to keep Kirby's predictions... but one person who managed to get through the army... it was none other than Uther.

Uther: I always knew you were a little witch~

Celestine: That was a sham trial & you know it ... You forced my hand

Uther: You should; 've stayed in your place, someone weak as you, you are not worthy of your spot as a Hero of Yore-

Celestine: Well you are not worthy of your spot as leader! You never were and one day you'll fall you'll see *at that moment Celestine received another vision-*

At that moment Uther thought this was the perfect chance to lung at her but this backfired... he accidentally ended up seeing Celestine's vision too... And it visibly shook him to his core.

Being overwhelmed by the very visions that plague Celestine, (claiming before she was emotionally weak, was causing him to be paralyzed by fear...) It was a vision of his throne crumbling down& everything he built and it was being led by one astral... he couldn't make out the face... was... was it pink...

Celestine tried to pull away so he couldn't see the rest of the vision... and ended up striking his right eye to stop him... Uther was left frozen while Celestine could feel her body about to break and desperately made her escape... But as she stormed out...

Uther: Will make sure you're vision will not come to pass I will find that pink warrior if it's the last thing I do... And I'll- you'll die by my blade gah- *Still paralyzed because of the vision & couldn't get up

Celestine: Sorry Uther... but I'm afraid that honor won't go to you...*runs out to find Arthur* I've already selected my champion...

In the commotion, Arthur manages to find her, desperate he reaches, Celestine:

Arthur: We have to... you need to run-

Celestine: Graduation time Wart *sees a cast of other soldiers & on-looker watching* - Let's see what you're made of! Just treat it as one of our sparring matches and we'll be fine-

After all the losses in their sparing matches, Arthur finally manages to beat Celestine... "Well done, Arthur- you've finally done it, you've w-" * Visibly starts to break... and falls- and Arthur catches her

(Celestine pulls up a smokescreen so no one can see them... however, three people manage to sneak in)

Arthur: Celestine, what's happening to you-

Celestine: I've come to the end of my time- due to my condition my body was bound to break... I didn't mean to hide it... I really thought I could beat the odds... I'm sorry War- Oh I guess I can't call you Wart-

Arthur: NO! If that's the case you weren't in the best condition- *starts crying* I didn't really win-, you have to stay *sobs profusely* You have to stay and call me Wa-Wart!

Celestine: Figures *chuckles...* it takes you this long to finally admit you like the nickname ... Thank you Arthur you made my life short all the worthwhile... I hope you can forgive me

Arthur: There's nothing to forgive Cel- Celty, *cries* I love you, please there is always something... There's always, you told me that... You're the greatest mage in the galaxy... there's got to be...

Celestine: I surely hope that light of you doesn't get snuffed out *smiles warmly* it's going to be hard Wart but remember this...

Keep your eyes open and beware of the bad in the world... but also hold on to the good as well... you don't have to look, just know that it's there... it'll keep you from falling...

(the quote that Meta Knight said to Kirby originally came from Sir Arthur... that was told to me from Celestine...)

And even should you lose your way I know you'll find it again... you'll always be a worthy king to me. I love you too Arthur... and I always will.... (*they share one passionate kiss*)

It was an Arthur had so longed for, but it was lace with so much sorrow and joy all at the same time....

Arthur: I don't wanna let you go-* Gets knocked out by Minerva...

She had informed Minerva before the trial (and of course was devastated but was willing to fulfill her last request). And who stood behind her were Darius & Kit the only three witnesses to what really happened. Kit realizes that Celestine is Merlyn... She then handed off and knocked out Arthur to Darius & Kit Cosmo.

And made sure they promised to paint Arthur as the hero who defeated her. And fled the scene and Minerva went to her best friend and hugged her one last time... and fled with the others.

When they had all left to safety... she lifted the smoke screen only to see a hoard of Ancients led by Uther try to arrest her. She flew into the air Celestine had her Gravity wicked moment... as her body finally was about to shatter into pieces.

Celestine: I curse you all, *putting one final spell cursing the Ancients* (basically she's the reason why they all disappeared)

As her body started to implode they mistook it to be a suicide bombing and she was planning to take them all down with her... thinking quick the Ancients Crystalized to prevent the explosion...

But in that moment she has one final vision of Arthur taking the seat as leader of the GSA. She smiles and says "I always you could do it Wart *starts cry* It's just too bad I'll never be able to see it in person".

Arthur woke up in the hospital wing hearing... Darius & Kit recount the story of the incident. With the way Kit & Darius spun it was Arthur who saved the day... (Arthur realized this was all part of Celestine's plan: to give him a title that would protect him even when she was gone...) Arthur * began to weep* with Kit trying to comfort him the best he could...

Making Arthur (to the Ancients) irreplaceable... being able to take down a Hero of Yore when they (Icarus & Uther) could not. Being extremely grateful (and needing a new holy figure), gave him the title of "Holy Knight," and said they owed him one favor...

(So basically he got credit for defeating the love of his life & took her place as the GSA's holy figure...)

So in summary:

Before being detained, she managed to rip off Icarus' wings, blind Uther in his right eye, and kill about 500 Ancients. She was trying to escape only to be stopped by Sir Arthur, who defeated her in battle. But tried to escape only to be cornered by the remaining soldiers... and seeing she had nowhere else to run...

Despite the efforts of the Ancients to paint her as wicked, people could not believe in the shame of a trial. Especially Minerva, when she heard this false slander on her best friend (she had enough of it)... she declared Halcandra's formal separation from the GSA. Cutting them from Halcandra's advanced technology caused an even bigger scandal. And had put her down to silence her as well... removing her...

(What happened to Darius... well that's a story for later)

Ruining their reputation even further... destroying the pristine image they had built up until now. And those who were at the trail were split in the middle... On one hand, it seemed like she had gone on a rampage because of her unfair judgment and merely reacted because she was pushed into the corner. On the other hand, she had always been hiding away her true nature & hatred for all of them, and once she had been found out... she unleashed all of it.

Were both true...

As a result, the Ancients tried to erase her from existence... from the galaxy, with only the remaining Ancients & the Heroes of Yore remembering her... Celestine had become forgotten.` Basically, she was described as (by the Ancients) the unspeakable third who tried to destroy them all & maliciously take them down with her. And she had to be erased...

However, this did not remedy the situation... Uther was still haunted by Celestine's vision he must hunt down the pink warrior... he will not have his reign end. Icarus was all too happy to take over the Halcandra projects... however, was always constantly reminded of being reduced to flightless astral and still hates her to this day.

While everyone had forgotten Celestine: they all remembered Merlyn. But even though, "Merlyn" had become a legend, many doubted the actual existence... of this supernatural being.

However, there was one person who managed to remember her... and that's where her story ends...

Or maybe not...

Her crystallization saved her preventing her from exploding... So she was still alive in there. They tried to hide her crystal in a cave and seal it off so no one would find her... Little did they know that the cave held one of the dark portals of Morpho accidentally ending up in the underworld...

And guess who ends up accidentally winds up there.

BTW they got married in the Underworld

I actually planned this out to be a tragedy, but I ended up making them have a happy ending... (that I can't reveal just yet how it happens in the story)

BUT BEST BELIEVE OUR GIRL GETS EVERYTHING SHE DESERVES AND SITS ON THE THRONE WITH HER KING WHERE SHE BELONGS!

And if you read this long thank you for reading! <3

#kirby #kbasw #lady celestine #kirby oc tournament #sir arthur kirby #kirby oc #kirbyoctournament #sorry for taking so long #home I'm not too late #celarthur #merthur

57 notes · View notes

eeunoia · 2 days

Text

ENHYPEN Series

sinag — psh.

chapter six

pairings: park sunghoon x reader

synopsis: waiting for a great plot twist in your life, the ruthless and powerful mafia boss park sunghoon forced his way in to it.

word count: 3k

warnings: a contains harrassment, violence, guns, killings, abuse, obsessive love & other stuff. if you can't take this stuff, feel free to scroll away. let me know if i missed some.

note: hello, i hope you will enjoy this chapter and give me feedbacks. ily and thank you for reading my works. stay safe.

“Wow! That’s a really good offer, Ae!” the joy over Lucie’s voice made you giggle. You just arrived at your shared apartment to deliver her your good news. As expected, she’s very much happy for you.

She poured you a glass of water then slid it to your side and you thanked her shortly. Both of you settled at the small dining area to talk about what just happened a while ago. Even when you’re already on your way back to your apartment, you felt like you were dreaming. You left the house with a small hope of getting the job and now you’re already hired.

“Ohh,” her lips formed ‘o’ amused at what you just said.

“The new president must be very generous then? I worked there for a year and a half! I’ve never had that kind of offer.” she continued blabbering excitedly.

You nod your head and the face of the handsome man that interviewed you flashes through your mind.

“He’s very handsome too.” you added that made Lucie smile teasingly. She giggled and you end up chuckling as well.

“Someone have a crush!” she taunts you and you are quick to defend yourself.

“No, I don’t! That’s my number one rule. Not to catch feelings with my boss or officemate.”

She pursed her lips, “Then he can be my crush! What do you think, Ae? Should I quit my job and apply there again?” her eyes looked dreamy when she stared at nowhere, daydreaming.

“You’re crazy, Lucie. You already have a nice job.” and you stood up to start cleaning around the table so you can start cooking for dinner.

She stayed seated while watching you with so much joy in her eyes. You can tell that she’s very happy for you and its unexplainable to have this kind of friendship. It’s been a while since you felt like this.

“But my boss is not a hottie.” she added that made you chuckle while shaking your head lightly.

She then started talking about something else while you start cooking your dinner. She rants about one of her colleagues and you listen to her attentively. After cooking, you two enjoys the food together. You can’t remember how and when you two started clicking this good, but you are really happy.

“Your phone’s vibrating, Ae.” your eyes darted at the left corner of the kitchen where you left your phone.

“Ohh,” you mumbled as you look over the email sent from the boss' secretary. She informs you about the things you needed to know since you will start on monday already.

“What is it?” Lucie asks curiously while putting away the cleaned dishes. Her eyes stays on you, checking your expression.

“They emailed me about my work for monday. And also,” your eyes trailed at the bottom part of the email where some details not involving your work descriptions were typed.

“Also?” Lucie sounds excited.

“The requirements I need so they can arrange the new apartment the company will provide for me.” your tone sounded small. Lucie’s eyes grew and she was cheering about the good news.

“That’s so nice! Where is it located? Will it be close to your workplace?” she struts closer to you, because she’s done already with the dishes.

A pout made it to your lips. “I don’t want to leave you here.” your tone sounded so defeated.

Lucie was the one that accepted you during your lowest times. She took you in and showed care over you despite being a total stranger to each other. Now, she means so much to you and you’ll feel so lonely if you get separated from her.

“Come with me! I’m sure the place will be spacious enough for the both of us.” you walked closer and tugged her hand, giving her a show of your puppy eyes.

Lucie stared at you for a while and chuckled. “Sure! When will we start packing?”

Your eyes grew big in so much delight as you two started jumping around like crazy girls.

“I’m so excited!” you exclaimed happily.

Nobody will believe if you told them how hopeless and miserable you are when you started your day. And now, it felt like everything’s falling in their right places. Finally, things are getting better and you feel like you can start again. This time, you will do better and focus on yourself.

“We’ll be expecting your presence in the meeting tomorrow, Mr. Park.” the person on the other line tries hard not to sound too demanding. He can feel his breath hitching, his heart pouding and the back of his head sweating.

Sunghoon remained silent for a while before he sighs, “All right.” he shortly replies and he can almost hear the sigh of relief from the other man. Not because he agrees on coming to meet him, but because he didn’t made the mafia boss upset.

Sunghoon drops the call and rests his back over his swivel chair. Moments later, he heard the door of his office burst open, followed by steps from more than one people.

“M-Miss, Mr. Park strictly ordered not to accept any visitor! Miss!” he opened his eyes and watch how a girl wearing a puffy pink jacket, paired with a tube and mini skirt walks inside his office. Behind her was his secretary looking so worried and scared of the consequences she might face.

“Mr. P-Park I tried stopping her but—”

“Shut up!”

Sunghoon sighs and dismissed his secretary. She bowed, clearly terrified after she was screamed at. The girl rolled her eyes as she glances back at Sunghoon.

“What are you doing here, Luna?” he asks and plays with his pen. He stared at her with no emotion over his eyes, bored and unamused with her unannounced visit.

She clenched her fist while holding her small Hermes bag. “You didn’t show up last night at the party.” she looked so upset and anger ooze from her eyes.

Sunghoon remained the same, unbothered. He kept playing on his pen and then tilts his head a little, staring dead at her.

“Why would I?”

His response made her even more angry. She hates how he ditched her last night. She hates that he seems unbothered about it. She hates that he’s treating her this way when clearly she doesn’t deserve this. And she really hates that despite his rude attitude towards her, she still want him.

“Because you are my fiance.” she confidently stated and kept her chin up at him.

Sunghoon scoffs without humor and it made her nibble over her lower lip. Insulted, that’s what the bitter feeling that he’s giving to her at the moment.

“No, I’m not. I never agreed to it.” he sighed, getting bored of this conversation.

“Your Father promised my family that he will—”

“My father’s words are his and that’s out of my concern. Leave me out of it because I have no intention of getting involve with you or even,” he trailed hise eyes from her face down to her feet. “marry you.” he continued that felt like a straight stab of a knife to her heart.

“Sunghoon!”

“You should go. I’m pretty busy.” he dismissed her like nothing.

Her eyes teared up, “You can’t keep doing this! My Father will not let you mistreat me this way! You’re putting both of our families in a hard position!”

“If you’re not planning to leave, then I will.” he stood up, towering over her figure. She kept her glares at him, tears starting to stream down her pretty face.

When he was about to walk pass her, she grabbed his arm.

“Stop hoping for that girl because she’s not here.”

Sunghoon clenched his jaw before slowly facing her direction. The darkness in his eyes sent shivers to Luna’s system. Her hand slowly retrieved out of fear. The atmosphere felt heavy and suffocating, she knew he was pissed and she’s scared.

“Don’t ever touch me.” he muttered sternly before walking away and after he left the room, Luna manages to finally breath.

Fear slowly drained off of her and now she’s pissed again over him. But most of all, she’s mad at that girl Sunghoon’s obsessing on. She couldn’t wait to meet her face to face so she can kill her herself. She’s the main reason why he couldn’t see her love for him.

“This will be your office. Let me know if you need something else.” your eyes carefully roamed around the spacious office you are taken to.

It looked so simple yet cozy. You have a private space for yourself so it was just perfect. Tho, you couldn’t feel a little suspicious and curious as to why everything about this company is just... favorable to you. A side of you are glad that finally, you have a job again, but the other part of you are feeling so warry of the situation. It felt like you managed to get all of these so easily. The unknown thought kept living at the back of your mind and the worry of something heavy awaiting is somehow haunting you.

“Aelia?” you snapped back to reality when she calls your name softly after noticing that you are silent for a while.

“Is there something wrong? Did you not like it? We can try to check the other office beside this—” you quickly stops her and smiled.

“This is perfect! Thank you so much, I’m just overwhelmed.” her eyes scanned your face, like checking if you’re really saying the truth.

“Are you sure? The office beside this is vacant and more spacious.” she stated.

You smiled even wider, “This is already enough for me, thank you. Besides, I’m just new to this company. I should earn my position first.”

She was caught off-guard when you said that and suddenly realized that maybe she’s overdoing things. The boss did personally asked her to take good care of you and to make sure you have everything that you need. Even if she’s a little confused and curious why the boss is so fond of you, she refrain from sticking her nose into it. After-all, Jake Sim won’t really like it whenever someone else gets in between. Working for him for years already gave her those knowledge.

“O-Okay! Your place is already ready as well. You can move to it right away as you please.”

The delight on your eyes are obvious as you thanked her right away, flashing those pretty smile.

“U-Uhm, can I ask something?” you looked hesitant, but Jake’s secretary gave you her all attention.

“Can my friend move in with me?” you’re a little embarrassed to even ask it to her. They’ve been very good to you and it worries you that they might take this request differently.

To your surprise, she smiled.

“I will ask the boss about it and get back to you, is that okay?”

You nodded your head and thanked her for it. She left you afterwards since she still have a lot of things to do and also so you can look around your office building too. You are having a great time actually. Just thinking about this new opportunity in your life gives you so much hope and happiness.

“Mr. Sim?” his secretary answered his call.

Jake’s currently at the lobby of the airport that owned by Sunghoon, waiting for his flight. He lazily flips the pages of the magazine he randomly picked from the small table beside him.

“Did she arrived already? What does she think of her office?” he asks right away.

Normally, new employees doesn’t get an office all for herself. They have cubicles meant for them, but Jake wants you to be very comfortable as much as possible. After-all, your future man now owns that company you’re working in. He just handed Jake the check last night and he was very delighted about it. It was a very good deal even if his friend cursed him nonstop.

Jake chuckles at the memory.

“Yes, sir. I made sure I prepared everything that she needs.”

“Good. Remember what I asked you to do, all right?” he reminds her.

”Noted, Sir.”

He was about to end the call when she talks again. “Mr. Sim, I have something to ask.”

“What is it?”

“Ms. Aelia asked me if she can take her friend when she moves to her new place?”

Jake pursed his lips and tilts his head over to the side. “Is it a guy friend or a girl?”

It took a while before she responds.

“She didn’t really mention it, Sir.”

He took his time to reply and just sighs. Ni-ki’s been investigating you right after they found you. He did mentioned that you had a boyfriend, but he said that you ended it with him as he had seen your ex-boyfriend fooling around with some other girls.

Ni-ki also did mentioned that you didn’t have many friends. Also distant with your parents for some unknown reason and now living independently.

“Okay, you can ask her if its a girl or a boy. If its a girl, she can do it. If its a boy, don’t allow her.” he says calmly.

‘Don’t let her move in with a male friend or else his life will be in grave danger once his dear friend found out about it.’ Jake thought to himself.

“Noted, Mr. Sim.”

“Okay, that’s all. I just called to know if she settled in well.”

“C-Can I ask something a little personal, Sir?”

Jake tilts his head and hand unconsciously taps over the magazine after what he heard. He doesn’t really like when people he isn’t close with steps over his line of boundary. But since he just received a big check, he’s in a little good mood.

“What?”

“Do y-you perhaps like Ms. Aelia?”

Jake pursed his lips and almost laugh out loud. He couldn’t believe he’s being asked with this question. But he couldn’t really blame her for misunderstanding his actions. She probably have an impression of him being cold and distant with his employees. Then suddenly he’s been doing so much favor for this new hired.

“No.” he sighs, “I don’t want to be killed by Park Sunghoon.” he whispers under his breath that he’s sure she missed.

“Let’s just say she’s a very important person for my friend so I’m doing him a very big favor.” he added.

“Okay, Sir. Sorry for asking.”

Jake didn’t say anything else and just bid good bye with her. He ended the call and stared at his phone for a while.

He knew how much you mean to Sunghoon and so he’s just trying to help him. His friend went through a lot of things just to find you, now that he did. He needs to keep you safe until Sunghoon’s done with what he’s planning. After that, he will have to do something for you and him to meet.

Jake smirks, couldn’t help but to feel so excited for what’s about to unfold in the future. His eyes caught the big screen when it flashes some of the pilots from the airport and a smirk spreads across his face when Sunghoon’s face flashes through the screen.

“Damn, who will trust a pilot with really bad anger issues?” he clicked his tongue and chuckles before grabbing his things to go leave for his flight.

main masterlist

permanent taglist:

@rubyanne @map-of-border @hwangjangmi @love13tter @candewlsy @simpforniki @classicroyalty @bridgebridgebirdiebridge @hime98 @moonsclassyslore @ddeonubaby @yeoungie @acciomylove @mymeloem19 @jvngw0n @dreamjerky @minamoons @clar-iii @herasalvatore @nyfwyeonjun @rcveribin @yizhoutv @one16core @soobin-chois @kyutiepeachy @chareadingpurposes @hwalllllllelujah @solelyenha @90sni-ki @nourhan-8 @nikipedia07 @yangbreads @drunkjazed @kimmchijjajang @hoonbrry @axartia @all4haru @sta-rie @hiqhkey @purplepuppychild @iceeee @wtfhyuck @tobiosbbyghorl @nikililmj @moonlightisland @ayayiiie @aeyeree

sinag taglist:

@heeseung-min @lovingvoidgoatee

#enhypen #eeunoiaverse #eeunoiawrites #eeunoia #enhypen imagines #yandere enhypen #enhypen fic #enhypen park sunghoon #enhypen sunghoon imagines #enhypen sunghoon yandere #enhypen sunghoon x you #enhypen sunghoon x reader

42 notes · View notes

lovebittenbyevans · 14 hours

Text

See No Shame | Part 3

Summary: You and Nanami were only seeing each other for three months. You eventually wanted more but of course they always say “don’t be someone second choice” in a man life.

Pairing: Billionaire! Nanami Kento x Female Reader

Warnings: cursed words, slow burn

Author note: This is the last part of the short mini series. If you like, comment and reblog. Enjoy reading!

Part 3

For the past week you have been ignoring Nanami phone calls and text messages. You could not bring yourself to have a conversation with him through phone message or text.

He wanted you to meet him somewhere the other day but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You felt wrong sneaking behind Ariel's back even though Nanami isn’t your man.

For the past week all you got was a bunch of flowers and gifts delivered to your front door. You had no choice but to bring them all in your apartment since your neighbors can be nosy half the time.

Your phone kept vibrating like crazy on the counter as you read the last card you found in one of the flower bouquets.

To: Y/N

I am sorry for everything! I know sorry is not an excuse but I miss you and I miss being in your company

You let out a scoff and mumbles. “Apologies my ass.” You put the card in the garbage as you heard your phone vibrate again on the counter. You sigh, taking your phone from the counter and checking your notifications.

Nanami: Please stop ignoring me

Nanami: Babygirl 😒

Nanami: Y/N, talk to me please

You rolled your eyes and didn’t text him back at all. Grabbing your jacket from the coat closet, you heard the bell ring at your front door. “Hold on!” You looked through the peephole and saw Nanami standing there.

Fucking fantastic!

You sigh, opening the door. “You have a lot of nerves showing up–” Before you could finish your sentence, his lips crashed into yours.

Slowly he pulls you closer to him as he pulls your bottom lip with his teeth. You were in shock for a second but your hands were already tangled in his hair.

Your heart was racing as you pushed him off of you. “What the fuck, Nanm?” Your lips felt tingling in a way.

“Baby…” His hand cups your cheeks. “I should have listened to you. You were right about Ariel.” You wanted to tell him ‘I told you so’ but he never listened to you.

You smirks. “Oh really?” You pushed past him out the door, closing it shut while he followed right behind you.

Nanami walked alongside you. “Yes, she only wanted me for my money and status.” You continue to listen to him. “I’m sorry, can we talk honestly?”

You placed your jacket over your shoulder. “Sure but no funny business bullshit.” You were not stupid when it came to him but you knew Nanami couldn’t see he had a good woman he could be with right In front of him.

“Ok.” He nods.

You don’t know where the future holds between you and him but you somehow can’t see him out of your life just yet.

39 notes · View notes

the-conversation-pod · 3 days

Text

Let's Go, Lesbians! (A Japanese GL Episode)

And we're back! This week we're back with @ginnymoonbeam to talk about Toxic Yuri in Chaser Game W and Food Yuri in She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat. Join us as we talk about pouring champagne on your ex's head, slapping your mean boss and her big ass red outfit into next week, choosing yourself over your cruel family, becoming the best gay you can be, and marshmallow parties.

Also, because we did not talk about it in the recording, we want to repost Rina Sawayama's Chosen Family song because this scene was so powerful in SLTCSLTE.

youtube

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome 00:01:15 - Introduction 00:02:45 - Chaser Game W: A Flop 00:18:31 - She Loves To Cook, and She Loves To Eat 00:23:14 - SLTCSLTE: The Women 00:34:18 - SLTCSLTE: Yako and The New House 00:39:17 - SLTCSLTE: The Food and Nagumo 00:43:02 - SLTCSLTE: Depictions of Intimacy 00:50:53 - SLTCSLTE Ratings and Outro

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @ginnymoonbeam as transcriber, and @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re your drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Introduction

Ben

And we're back. This week, we're talking about lesbians, finally! And we brought a friend along.

NiNi

Say hi Ginny.

Ginny

Hello!

NiNi

Ginny is here with us and we are going to talk two Japanese GLs, Chaser Game W and She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat.

Ben, what did you think, like, sort of overarching about these two before we delve into the nitty gritty?

Ben

I thought Chaser Game W gave us a lot to anticipate early on, and unfortunately went in the direction we did not want it to go. Ended up being kind of a mess toward the end? I did not end up walking away too happy with it.

With She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat season 2, this time we had twenty 15-minute episodes and they had things to do and say with that time and I have a lot of things to say about that show. [laughs]

NiNi

Ginny, what are your overarching thoughts about these two shows?

Ginny

I had high hopes for Chaser Game W because I always want more toxic lesbians. [NiNi laughs] I want to see the girls get to be messy, I want to see complicated dynamics. And I did really enjoy the first couple episodes, but it kind of felt like the characterizations really fell apart as the series progressed, which was a big disappointment.

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat was a delight. Every time I sat down to watch it, my heart was full and happy and warm.

00:02:45 - Chaser Game W: A Flop

NiNi

We always go from worst to first on this show, so let's start with Chaser Game W.

Ben, what is Chaser Game W about?

Ben

Chaser Game W is about a team of women at a game development studio in Japan who have been contracted to develop basically a demo for a GL adaptation, by a Chinese company named Vincent. It gets complicated by their project manager from the Chinese team, who clearly has beef with one of their team members and just spends most of the early show fucking with her because she's mad that they broke up in college. And then a bunch of other shit happens that is kind of weird.

NiNi

Okay, that's a hell of a description [laughs].

Ben

I'm sorry! Like, it starts off being a show that looks like it's playing into the complex dynamics about workplace power and possibly sexual harassment, and then kind of loses its way because it wants to be this mess of a story about lesbians with families and the difficult choices they have to make, and where do the husbands and children fit in this, and how does this play into career expectations? Bosses who might also be queer but evil queers?

And it's not necessarily a very coherent experience. There's a lot of ideas that sound good when you describe them to people, but in practice really weren't that satisfying to watch. This was not the Japanese GL experience I was hoping for.

NiNi

Ginny, what about you? What are your thoughts on Chaser Game W?

Ginny

It did seem like it was setting up to have some messages about not only the sexuality components, but also things about women in the workplace and being a mother and balancing those expectations… dealing with sexual harassment… all of that. But it didn't end up saying much that was meaningful to me about it, it just was like, ‘these are issues!’ If you try to draw any kind of conclusion from what the show is doing, you end up with some really messy messages.

The way that the evil queer boss came in was so funny to me. One of the selling points of this show is this strong femdom, woman in power exacting humiliation dynamic. But halfway through the show, we're resolving the relationship between the two women, so Fuyu, our previous femdom power boss, is not going to be that anymore. So we have to bring in a new one — and it just did not work for me.

NiNi

It was the dom getting dommed. It was like an inception of domming. It was a little strange. There were definitely some Chinese-Japanese dynamics in there. I don't have the cultural competency to pick up on entirely what they were doing, but it was pretty clear from the way that the show was operating. I don't know if it's stereotype, but it was clear that there was something going on there; my cultural competency in this area is not enough to figure out exactly what was going on there.

Ben

It was kind of weird seeing a Japanese show complaining about unrealistic expectations of Chinese developers? This is not a uniquely Chinese problem.

NiNi

I feel like it being set in gaming almost didn't matter to that side of things? They wanted to have this difference the show sees in working cultures be stark and to say something about that difference. But the supposed center of this, aside from the game and the development of the game, is a relationship between Fuyu and Itsuki. It's an extremely convoluted central story that just seems to serve as an excuse for why Fuyu, when she comes back to Japan, hates Itsuki so much.

The writing feels slightly unnecessarily complicated, but I actually rather enjoyed quite a lot of bits of this. I enjoyed, for example, the direction. I thought the camera was very assured, I thought it was very clear. I don't know if this is an original story or if it's coming from manga, but the direction is very very clear to me. I really enjoyed watching the camera move. The shots are really effective. But the story itself? It's not like I thought necessarily that… the story was badly told? I'm just not sure that it was the story that I wanted. Where we're going in the beginning with Fuyu, a mean lesbian comes back and is mean to her ex-girlfriend, I felt like, okay, that's where we're going. And then, suddenly, Fuyu is married and Fuyu has a daughter and there's all this stuff around the husband and Fuyu’s feelings, or not-feelings, about the husband. It got a little muddy.

But even with all of that, I think I probably enjoyed it more than you guys did. And I think part of the reason is that I binged it? So I didn't sit with a lot of these feelings or a lot of the confusion for very long.

Ben

It was not a fun week to week watch. As it started to deviate and get lost in itself, it was not fun to be like, 'oh right, this is where we were, all right, let's go and see how this week goes. Ohh… no. Okay.'

You asked about whether it's original or an adaptation. It is an adaptation. The original work is about power harassment, but I believe Itsuki’s character is a man? A lot about the show made sense once we realized that it was not an original queer story being adapted. A lot of it felt really tacked on to justify the drama and not really something that the writing really contextualized or dwelled on, at all.

Ginny

There were a lot of big character turns and big decisions made without a lot of grounding in why this character would make this choice. Once the mystery of their past is explained, you do understand why they reconcile suddenly, but then all of their choices afterwards just felt baffling to me. I'm not getting any kind of character journey. The show is like, well, this happens now, and then this happens now, and then they do this thing that you didn't expect. And I want to know why!

NiNi

I… feel like in some bits I was cottoning onto it, and then in some bits I was not. For example, when Itsuki starts to take care of Fuyu’s daughter, when she comes over and realizes that the husband's left and her daughter needs taking care of. I followed that bit of the character journey. I understood in some ways why, when the husband came back, Fuyu felt maybe guilty?

There was also, like, a little thing which I was really surprised didn't go anywhere. Early in the show the husband was video chatting with, I think his mother. And she says something like, 'you know, you have to be good to Fuyu. You're so lacking, and she is with you anyway.' that made me think that their marriage was lavender? I genuinely thought that they had some kind of arrangement or agreement — and then to find out later down the line that the husband actually was in love with her and was jealous of the thing that she had with Itsuki? That came out of nowhere for me. And then everything that followed on from there kind of didn't track, almost.

Did either of you get that feeling initially from the husband and were surprised or was that just me?

Ginny

My sense was that the husband had been perceived as not a good marriage prospect. Probably it was not earning a lot of money and had other loserish qualities or something. So my sense from the conversation was that that was what she was talking about. I certainly didn't ever get the sense that he was in love with her, exactly? Even when he's upset, it felt more to me kind of about pride. You can't have your wife sleeping around. That's an embarrassment. I don't think there were any deep feelings in that marriage.

NiNi

I don't even think either of them really had extremely deep feelings for their daughter. Like I think Fuyu loves her daughter, but in a distracted kind of way, almost? The only depth of feeling that I felt anywhere was between Fuyu and Itsuki, and even that was tied up in all this anger and bitterness and guilt and whatever else. That's a direction to go in for sure, but it really didn't make me understand why they wanted to be together, and then why they decided not to be together… and then in the end, why Fuyu comes back out of nowhere.

It's all muddled and mixed for me, especially the closer that we get to the end. But like I said, I don't think that I had as bad a time with it as other people might have.

Ben

I had a very bad time. [Ben and NiNi laugh]

This show was aggravating. We've been talking about this a lot on the show lately about how much work we think we should do for a show to like, meet them emotionally, where they're trying to take us. There are times when either the writing or the performance doesn't necessarily get you all the way there? And you kind of have to just feel it for the show. But this show just does not feel complete. There are a bunch of ideas that are fine on their own, like, ‘and then she comes in here and then she pours a fucking champagne on her head.’ That's an unhinged lesbian behavior that I have seen happen in person! So like, I totally believed that.

NiNi

Oh yeah.

Ben

But then Fuyu’s turn where she’s suddenly nice to other women in the company that they're in and stops being a huge dick to the other moms, that just doesn't really track? Like, what changed in that moment? I don't really know how we went there. They had her suddenly start being nice to them so they could be on the same team against Big Red.

NiNi

I'm so mad that you called her Big Red, but it kinda works. [Ben and NiNi laugh] I'm not gonna call her anything except Big Red now.

Ben

I did not remember what her character name was. Her name was Big Red.

Ginny

That's her name now, yep [laughs].

Ben

Like it was funny when Itsuki was like, 'Fuck off, Big Red' and knocked her ass down. [all laugh]

All these moments are like, well, that was amusing on its own, but it doesn't really come together as a coherent story unto itself. There’s this huge branching point later on where it's basically the supporting cast trying to seduce a guy to give them information to save the game, and that's happening separately from the drama with Itsuki, Fuyu, Fuyu’s husband, Big Red and all the drama going on there.

NiNi

I want to talk a little bit about the actual game development plot, because that stuff was wild. They're preparing whatever they have to do to develop this game, and along the way they're going through literal sexual harassment. There's a point in time that they're trying to get information from this artist. And this guy is a caricature of a sexual harasser, like at one point there are five of these female game developers in his house, and they're literally peeling this guy off of each other as he gropes them. And I'm just like, is this normal or is this exaggerated? I don't even know?

Ben

Actually, it felt like most of that was actually normal.

NiNi

That is terrifying.

Ben

The drama with the team felt pretty straightforward for me. You had women in the team having varied responses to the sexual harassment. One of them was like, 'I will absolutely not compromise myself and use sex to get ahead' and another one was like, 'I will, I got this for us.' [Ben and NiNi laugh] I thought that was fine. I didn't mind there being a character who is willing to use men's desire to advance her goals and her team’s goals. I liked that it wasn't required only for her to do that, that there were other people who didn't want to do it that way accomplishing things for their team. The up and down of, ‘is this game going to get developed or not, the expectations of our client keep changing, it seems to be for reasons well beyond us and other drama’ — that felt fairly normal for trying to get any sort of major creative endeavor with the expensive team off the ground. Most of the game development stuff tracked normally for me. Even the whole plot line about poaching talent and then dumping talent: that is a real problem right now. That sort of stuff mostly tracked for me. I wasn't that fussed about the game development stuff and the workplace conditions that they were working under.

It was the stuff about Fuyu and Itsuki's relationship and the motivations around them romantically, and other characters’ reactions to it, that is where I struggled the most with this. It wasn't a show that left you in a cool place at the end of an episode and picked up in a great place with the next episode. Spending two months watching this was not a great experience.

NiNi

I think my rating’s definitely going to be higher than you guys, so I'll go first.

Ben

Okay.

NiNi

I'm gonna say 7. To me, bits are cool and I can follow generally where this is going, and the bits that I thought were weird were not offensive. It wasn’t very good, but it wasn't terrible.

Ben

Ginny?

Ginny

I gave it a 5.5. 6 is my mad-I-watched-it threshold. Anything 6 or higher might be very bad, but I'm not mad I watched it. Below a 6 I'm kind of mad that I watched it. That's where this one landed for me.

Fuyu was very beautiful, and I did enjoy watching her every week. But when that's the nicest thing I have to say about a show, it's not good.

Ben

It gave this a 4. It is not recommended. I don't think this is a good lesbian story. I don't think this is a good game development story. I don't think it's a good workplace story. It is a mess. This was developed by the same person who made His the movie, so I am very confused how we ended up with something that absolutely failed on the queer front like this. I do not get it. When this show was confused, it lands on the wrong side of the coin a lot. And it felt like at the very last five minutes they were doing a shit ton of clean up. I don't think this show is worthwhile.

NiNi

That's gonna land us somewhere in the 5ish range overall?

Ben

Round it down, because it sucks! [all laugh] It gets a 5 from The Conversation.

NiNi

So that is officially a chop.

00:18:31 - She Loves To Cook, and She Loves To Eat

NiNi

All right. So we're gonna leave that behind and we're going to move on to She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat.

Ben, give us the synopsis. What is She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat about?

Ben

Okay, let me be much nicer now because this is one of my favorite shows now. So, [laughs] She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat is like the lesbian neighbor of What Did You Eat Yesterday? We have a young woman who's a programmer. She feels like she's like late 20s, early 30s. Her name is Nomoto. She runs like a food account on Instagram, and whenever she's in a bad mood and needs to work through some stuff, she ends up making too much food, and she has a small appetite, so it goes to waste. She has a neighbor who is a taller, bigger woman, and on a whim one night she invites her over to share food with her. And this is the beginning of their friendship that eventually becomes a more serious relationship.

Second season picks up with twice as many episodes, and boy did they need them. We spend this season with Nomoto and Kasuga befriending their new, younger woman neighbor. Nomoto becomes a full-time employee at her work and develops a more reliable friendship with Sayama. She also befriends her Twitter friend Yako, who is basically one of us. She loves her stories, she loves her little food, and she loves hearing about other people's drama and poking them to get their shit together. I love her so much.

It was a really delightful season watching these two grow closer, figure out what their relationship was going to be, and develop that into more as they dealt with some of their real personal and professional issues. I really, truly loved the season.

Ginny, you were fairly recent to watching this, so you watched the first and second season basically as one dedicated viewing experience. What was your experience engaging with this for the first time in the last month or so?

Ginny

It was very fun. I did this as my unwinding as I was moving in with my girlfriend who is the loves to eat in our relationship, where I'm the loves to cook. So it was a lovely experience. The two seasons flow so seamlessly into each other. Season 2 picks up right where season 1 left off so I'm kind of glad I did it this way. I think I might have been a little frustrated at the end of season 1, especially having to wait and not knowing if we'd get more, because they don't entirely confirm their relationship by the end of that? It's understood that they're very important to each other and they have this very meaningful place in each other's lives, celebrating holidays together, but they don't even start to have conversations about what their relationship is until we're a little ways into season 2. So I'm glad that I got to watch it all unfold as a single story.

So many details of, just the way that that develops between them felt so realistic to journeys that I've seen between two women who are close friends and realize that they might have romantic feelings for each other. All of the angsting you do about that, and the 'what does this mean' and the 'what does it even mean to love someone romantically instead of as just this very special, most importantest friend in the world,' — just so many little details were perfectly done and extremely relatable. It was just gorgeous.

Ben

NiNi, since you watched the first season and angsted with the rest of us about whether or not it was going to come back, and whether or not that second season was gonna be good, what were your overall impressions of the second season after you walked away from it?

NiNi

I loved it, but I knew I was going to love it. I had some angst in the middle of the season that we're probably gonna get to, not bad angst. Just, ‘oh, I wonder if they're doing this thing that I think that they're doing.’ But I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I love so much how the show expands in this season. The first season is very tightly focused, mostly on Nomoto and Kasuga, whereas this season expands outward to show you some of the other people in their life and show you them developing their relationships with these other people, some new, some not. I always love stories that show you the life that these people are living. So I thoroughly enjoyed this season, had a great time with it.

00:23:14 - SLTCSLTE: The Women

Ben

There were a lot of presentations of various women's issues that played out this season. Do the two of you have particular storylines that you especially enjoyed, or connected to?

Ginny

I love Nagumo's story. I think the one I connected to most was probably Kasuga, but I thought bringing in Nagumo as someone who could receive some mentorship from these two women and also [laughs] kind of help coach Kasuga through her feelings revelation, and relationship transition… it was a beautiful relationship and a wonderful addition, and the way that her character brings a different perspective on the whole nature of food and communal eating was also just a gorgeous touch.

Ben

What about you, NiNi? Did you have a particular plot line that you enjoyed or connected to?

NiNi

We got some stuff on the fringes about Sayama trying to date and looking to potentially get married, realizing and talking to Nomoto that she can't get married if she wants to, and then that leading Sayama to think about whether she even wants to get married. That resonated in a particular kind of way. It was a quiet little side runner, it didn't take up a lot of space in the story, but it did hit me. We end the season without really an answer from Sayama on that, but the fact that she started thinking about it? That resonated with me, for sure.

Ben

What I love about Sayama as a straight character in this narrative is: queer people don't fit the heterosexual mold, and loving queer people forces you to reckon with why we don't. And then that can often open up things for you, as well. I really loved her apology scene with Nomoto. Recognizing that her working through her own ambivalence about marriage is dismissive of the fact that it's not even an option available for Nomoto.

Ginny

You also have Kasuga's coworker, who's older and is getting a divorce after her children have grown up. Getting a divorce is extremely liberating for her. It really does show this kind of 360 view of heterosexual marriage not necessarily being right for all heterosexual women.

Ben

I think it's notable that when they show multiple older women working at this grocery store, they're all like, 'mm-mm, divorce was the right call for me, because I don't think it's right that I'm expected to take care of my husband's family and everybody else does nothing, and that's gonna be my entire existence.' And I love how explicit she was, she told Kasuga straight up: if you were my own daughter, who I do have, I would tell her the same thing, and I would say please live your life. Do not sacrifice your life for a bunch of other people who do not appreciate what you want for your life. Because Kasuga decided to sever ties with her family, because they did not respect her and they wanted her to just take care of them, and sacrifice anything she wanted for her life. It was really lovely that the show went out of its way to be explicit about that.

NiNi

Since we're already sort of diving into it, let's lean into that storyline. Kasuga left home a long time ago and decided to live her life. Kasuga has a brother who is the favored child, but Kasuga’s brother does nothing. Now Kasuga's parents are older and ill, and her grandparents are older and ill and need taking care of. And so Kasuga's dad has started looking for her now. He's like, 'Well, you're not married, whatever you're doing isn't important, you gotta come home and take care of everybody.' It only comes to her doorstep because her aunt gives her father both her number and address, because 'oh, you’re a family, you shouldn’t not talk to each other.' Her aunt thinks she's doing the right thing, but this is definitely not the right thing for Kasuga. Kasuga's father has never appreciated her as a person, has never cared about her as a person, has only focused on his son. And now he wants Kasuga to take care of him essentially until he dies. Kasuga really struggles with this. She wonders, is this my responsibility? Is this something that I have to do? Is she a bad daughter if she doesn't do this? What does this mean for her? Fujita tells her, 'Look, if you were my daughter, I would tell you do not go. You don't have a responsibility to give up your life for somebody else.'

All the conversations that Kasuga has with her father, she has them in her car. She does not talk to him when she is in her house, her safe space? She does not speak to her father in there. When she has decided that she's not going home, not just not going home, but never going home again, she sits in the car and has the conversation where she tells him, 'I'm not ever coming home. Don't contact me again.' And then she goes from the car straight to Nomoto. And Nomoto gets so furious on her behalf that she starts to cry. She's like, 'I can't believe that this man made you feel this way about yourself. He's a horrible person.' Basically, everything that Kasuga needed to hear, she got from Nomoto in that moment.

I am an eldest daughter. I have a fantastic relationship with my family. And any caregiving I do is of my own volition, and I am happy to do it. It is still tiring. It is still exhausting. Even when it is received with gratitude and happiness and love, it is hard to do. If you have to take care of people who don't care about you? You can feel like you're dying. I am certain about it. That expectation being placed on you is hard enough. To do it for people [who] do not love you — because I do not think Kasuga’s father loves her — is impossible. And so I had a lot of feelings about it while it was happening, but watching her say, 'No, I am not going to just let go of my entire life and everything that I want for this person.'

And then to have Fujita tell her, 'if you were my daughter,' which releases her from that burden of thinking about her mother — because that's the other part of the guilt that she's feeling. Not necessarily guilt towards her father, but the fact that if she doesn't come home, her mother's gonna have to do all of this. And she thinks about her mother all the time. It's just, it's so much. It's so deep. It's so intense. It's so delicious. And it's not what you expect to get out of a story that's told in little 15-minute episodes! It really isn't.

Ginny

I'm also an eldest daughter and feel so much of that. I spent my childhood, really, like Kasuga, very aware that there were a lot of things I was expected to give up. The way that that sinks into your brain… you just feel like, 'I am worth what I can do for people.'

What struck me the most in that conversation with Nomoto when Kasuga first tells her what she's done, is Nomoto begs her to keep living her life here where she's thriving, and to keep being happy. Through their whole relationship, Nomoto has taken such joy in Kasuga’s love of eating and just celebrated that this gives you pleasure and you're taking pleasure, and that's a wonderful thing. And in this moment, she kind of expands it to Kasuga's whole life. And she says, please don't ever go somewhere where you can't thrive, where you can't feel joy, where you can't feel loved, and yourself. To hear someone say that? I think I did cry in that scene. You need to hear someone say that. Someone who grew up like Kasuga needs someone who loves you begging you to take care of yourself and to do what brings you joy. The heart of their relationship and what draws them together is how deeply Nomoto celebrates Kasuga taking care of herself and being taken care of and experiencing pleasure. It's beautiful.

Ben

I really enjoyed the way that continued in the whole strawberry debacle.

NiNi

[laughs] The strawberry thing. It was so funny. [Ginny laughs] It was so cute, too. It was really cute. This is after they've started dating, but their relationship hasn't changed very much. And so she asked Nagumo, is there something that she should be doing? Which I found adorable.

Ginny

It's so real.

Ben

It's funny, too, because Nagumo admits she doesn't have much experience either [Ginny laughs], and is like, 'You could, like, go do things you both like doing? Together? That sounds right.' [all laugh]

NiNi

It’s so funny. And that's when she sees this flyer for the strawberry picking. And she's like, 'Oh, okay, I like strawberry picking. I should ask Nomoto to go strawberry picking with me. That's like the kind of thing that people do when they're in relationships, right?'

Ben

'That's, like, a food thing. She likes to make food. This might be fun!' Kasuga doesn't really say what she wants to do, she just hands it to Nomoto and is like, 'Hey, I thought this might be fun for us to do' and Nomoto’s like, 'Oh, yeah, that sounds great. We can maybe go vegetable picking and then make some stuff afterwards.' And Kasuga doesn't really speak up about what she maybe wanted.

Late in the day Nomoto realizes Kasuga maybe wanted to go check out a restaurant in the area, and wanted to maybe do strawberry picking instead. And Nomoto ends up feeling so bad about this, feeling like she was not really receptive to what Kasuga actually wanted, and like she was steamrolling her. This plays out across almost two or three episodes, but the culmination is Nomoto saying very clearly to Kasuga, 'I want you to be selfish with me. I want you to feel like you can want things and express them. It's really important to me that you are doing the things you enjoy.'

Ginny

And Kasuga admits that that's hard for her. Another moment that rang so true for me, for both of them.

Ben

So much of their relationship is Nomoto getting intense pleasure [laughs] out of watching Kasuga enjoy herself.

00:34:18 - SLTCSLTE: Yako and The New House

Ben

I'd like to talk about my favorite character of the season.

NiNi

Ben wants to talk about Yako. Let's go.

Ben

Yako is the best thing that has happened to BL and GL in the last two years. [laughs]

NiNi

She's really just like us. [laughs]

Ben

No character’s been a better audience stand in than an asexual lesbian enjoying her wine and her takeout, watching gay movies with other girls, and then hearing about their relationship drama and giving completely reasonable advice by just asking questions.

Ginny

Best life.

Ben

I love her so much. She is everything that I am trying to be every day. [NiNi laughs] And she's good at it! [laughs] She never tells anybody, 'Just do it.' She's just like, 'What are you feeling? How do you feel if you don't do it? Well, there you go.’

And then they have the curry party? That looked like so much fun. They all go over to Yako's house and meet her properly. Nomoto and Kasuga take Nagumo with them. And they make a bunch of different curry, and naan, and some fancy juice, and they have themselves a good-ass time. And this leads to Yako becoming friends with Nagumo, and she ends up becoming a confidante to Nagumo as well. She recognizes after the girls reveal they're gonna move out that somebody should check on Nagumo, who has probably gotten used to having two really reliable neighbors who care about her, and how Nagumo might be anxious about saying, like, she misses them and still wants to see them. Even as Nagumo admits, moving out is the right call for them, I love that Yako gave Nagumo space to admit that she was a bit bummed that she was gonna not be living next to two solid friends anymore.

I love Yako so much. She is in competition for blorbo of the year.

NiNi

Yako has the best ideas for parties, too, like the first time she had the watch party with Nomoto, they've both got snacks and drinks, and they're talking about what they've got for their snacks and their drinks and then they watch a lesbian movie and they cry. [Ben and Ginny laugh] It’s so good. Literally, Yako is really just like us.

The only thing I'm sad about in this entire season is that Sayama hasn't yet become a part of this whole little group that they have, but she will. I know she will.

Ben

They just moved in together. They got a big space. There's room for Fujita and Sayama to show up for another party they're gonna have. These two could host all six major female characters at their new place.

Let's talk about the new place while we're here. Where…?

[all laugh]

NiNi

Go ahead. I know you want to.

Ben

I love Kasuga. I love everything about her. I love her big chair, I love her big bed, I love her big TV. I need to know where these things are going to go in the new space. [NiNi laughs] Nomoto is totally fine to just use her iPad as her fill-in device for all of her tech needs and entertainment needs. I understand Kasuga. When I moved out, I got myself two big-ass TVs! I need to know where this goes in their new space.

NiNi

[laughs] Doing it real big, right?

Ben

Mhmm! Her car real big. Shoes real big. TV real big. Everything real big.

NiNi

We can talk a little bit about the new space. It looks really good. I like the way that it feels like both of them, which is exactly what you want in a place where you’re gonna be moving in together. But can we just talk about how U-Haul lesbian it is of them to get together and immediately start talking about moving in together?

Ginny

Hang on, they started talking about moving in together [Ben laughs] and then got together. That was the order! [NiNi laughs] They were like—

NiNi

That is true, that is fair.

Ginny

—'I’m gonna move.'

'Oh my God. I can't bear the thought of you leaving, but I understand why you have to.'

'Well, it's okay ‘cause I was going to ask if you wanted to move in. Also, are we in love with each other?'

Like, that was the conversation. [NiNi laughs]

Ben

'And we finally picked a place to live. Do you wanna make out for the first time?'

NiNi

[laughs] And the other good part of it is that before any of this, they somehow adopted a child together.

Ben

Right?

Ginny

Yeah! This all tracks. This is all very typical.

NiNi

Mmhmm. This felt like the correct order of things for lesbians.

00:39:17 - SLTCSLTE: The Food and Nagumo

NiNi

Okay, we need to talk about food.

Ben

Okay.

NiNi

Because Ben started talking about the curry party and I got excited.

Ben

I got hungry, I need to go make food after this. [Ben and Ginny laugh]

NiNi

We didn't even talk yet about the takoyaki party. I am not a huge fan of takoyaki, but that looked really good.

Ben

All right, as we go into the food, let's talk about Nagumo's eating disorder, because I think that this is one of my favorite food plots in a food show in a long time.

NiNi

One of the things about these food shows is that it's about the communal experience of food. Nagumo has a social anxiety disorder where she can't eat in front of other people. The way that this is brought to the surface, and then the way that Kasuga and Nomoto figure out how to include her in the communal experience without trying to force her to eat or making it an anxious space for her where other people are eating… There's something about Kasuga that just reads incredibly reliable from the off. So when Nagumo first meets Kasuga, she very quickly gets very comfortable and feels like she can tell this woman anything. And Kasuga is just so forthright and so understanding about things, that when Nagumo tells her, you know, 'I really can't eat in front of other people,' the first thing she asks her is 'oh, well, can you drink something? Can I make you a cup of tea?' And that sort of becomes a jumping off point for the way that they interact when they're having these communal experiences around food, and the way that Kasuga explains to other people for Nagumo, but without giving too many details of Nagumo's private business. The way that these women make a comfortable space for her to still have the community of meals together without forcing her to eat, drives Nagumo to say, 'I want to go and get myself treated because I want to be able to eat with these women, because I care about them.'

Ben

I really love the arc of that. In a show about two people bonding over food, they met somebody who they couldn't necessarily do that with right away, they had to work into it. And I love the way that they slowly built that out — like the donut party was so satisfying.

NiNi

Donut party was fantastic.

Ben

There’s the donut party. There's the marshmallow party.

NiNi

Don't get me started on Nomoto and her, like, zoning out thinking about Kasuga with these marshmallows. [laughs] It was almost erotic but not in a male gaze erotic kind of way. She's got a comically large number of bags of marshmallows in Nomoto’s mind that she's hugging to her, and then she starts eating the marshmallows with a smile on her face. [laughs] All this is happening in Nomoto’s imagination and I'm just like, 'Yes, girl. Yeah, I understand what is happening to you right now.' [laughs] She's zoning out thinking about Kasuga and these marshmallows and I am cracking up. I'm having a whale of a—Oh, it's so good.

Okay. I'm gonna get over Kasuga and marshmallows, but [laughs] not immediately. So good, so funny. No notes.

00:43:02 - SLTCSLTE: Depictions of Intimacy

Ben

You had a little bit of hesitation in the middle of the second season. Do you want to talk about that on the show? And do you feel resolved by the way they played it out?

NiNi

Not resolved, but more… comforted, I guess. Part of the agita, I think that I was having, is that I was working through myself. Yako and Nomoto are watching these lesbian films. Yako is introducing Nomoto to these lesbian movies, and they're watching them together. And Nomoto is saying she's watching these movies and all these women are so passionate, and she knows that she likes Kasuga in a romantic way, but she doesn't think that she has these passionate feelings like these women in these films. That's when Yako tells her, 'Well, you know, I'm asexual, this is how I feel about these things.'

And in the middle of the season when this is happening, I had a bit of a moment where I'm just like, okay, is it that they're doing this purity thing where it's fine to be a lesbian if you don't have sex or sexual feelings? It was something that I was worried about. I think it was a little bit of burden of representation stuff that I was maybe putting on the show? That I felt like it was important to show female sexuality as being good and okay and fine, and not to wrap female sexuality and women loving women up in this thing of it being somehow chaste and pure. That was something that was coming from my own thoughts about it. There's not a lot of ace spectrum rep out there in terms of media and dramas in this field, so intellectually I felt like, oh, well, this is fine. But emotionally, I was having a hard time with. Intellectually, I'm like, okay, yes, if it is that this is an ace lesbian story, this is fine because there's not a lot of representation of that, either. But then I was also, like, feeling that even if it was ace lesbian representation, it was being done in this weird binary where you're either sexual or you're not, when acespec is just a whole spectrum of things. I was getting tied up in my own feelings about a lot of this, and it was giving me a little bit of grief and a little bit of gripe.

But when we come down through the season and come down towards the end of the season, it starts to feel more like a journey of discovery, of Nomoto figuring out what labels that she would apply to herself that make her feel comfortable with the relationship, and understanding how she feels about Kasuga and in what ways they want to proceed with their relationship and the things that they want to try or not try, and having those conversations with Kasuga, as well. And that eased me in the way that I was feeling about it. I fully admit that I got tied up in my own feelings about this, because it didn't have anything to do with what the show was doing. It works out well. I feel comfortable and comforted by the way that the story goes down through to the end. I'm good with where they've decided to take Nomoto, and Nomoto and Kasuga’s relationship, and where they have hopefully paused, not stopped.

Ginny

I understand that feeling completely. I feel some kind of meta regret that the two lesbian shows we’re talking about, the horny kinky concept one was bad, and the very chaste, ace spectrum one was good. I would love more horny kinky concept lesbians that are also actually well done. But as you said, that's not a problem with this show as it is just sort of with the bigger media landscape, and the show is giving also voice to really important, very representative experiences.

I love where they land on the question of physical intimacy, because I was wondering what they were going to do having gotten so far into the season. They hardly ever touch each other. There is this sensuality in their relationship around food, and I don't think it functions as a metaphor or a substitute for sex — it's just a different kind and source of pleasure that is important to their relationship, and that's so cool and I love it! But I love where they end up on the question of touch. Kasuga saying, 'yes, I would like to try things out one by one with you.' That's such a lovely way to say, we don't know where this ends. We don't know how we're going to feel about it, but we trust each other enough and we want to explore together at whatever pace feels right for both of us.

Ben

I am less concerned, I think, with certain styles of Japanese shows delving into onscreen depictions of sex and sexuality because of the space those shows fill. Zenra Meshi, What Did You Eat Yesterday?, and this show. The ton of sensuality in the food stuff supports the thinking around sex and intimacy, and I'm really glad they had the hug and kiss scene to make sure that we didn't skip that? But I don't necessarily need to see it in the show, in the sense that I'm okay with just confirming that it's gonna happen, or it is happening. What I do need NHK and TV Tokyo to figure out is: how does the cast of this show meet the cast of What Did You Eat Yesterday? There has to be a way to get these two stories a crossover.

NiNi

It does feel like there needs to be a crossover between these two stories. The new place that they've moved into, I'm pretty sure it's in Shiro and Kenji's building, like it has to be. That's the only thing that makes any sense to me in my head. [laughs]

What you were saying about seeing it on screen, it's not necessarily that I need to see their physical intimacy on screen, or whether there is physical intimacy on screen. I just need to understand, I think, if it was something that they were even gonna talk about or discuss, or if it was something that they wanted or not wanted. I think that it's fine for me for them to have the conversation and say, 'Okay, let's figure this out.' And if that lands upon them not being physically intimate that's fine, if it lands up on them being physically intimate, that's fine, but I think what I was worried about, and maybe I shouldn't have been, was that they were not going to talk about it at all.

Ben

I'm very glad that they had a conversation about it before they moved out, and established that it is something that they want, even if it's something they're gonna have to figure it out.

NiNi

Most definitely, but let's move back to the part where they're moving into Shiro and Kenji's building, because I feel like somehow that has to happen. And I feel like somebody needs to slip Nishijima and Uchino a note that says, 'Hey. Y'all are good at making stuff happen. Make this happen, too. Find a way.'

Ben

It's just difficult because it's an NHK adaptation versus TV Tokyo and I don't know how that plays out because one is a for-profit broadcaster and the other is explicitly a public entity.

NiNi

Figure it out. [Ben and NiNi laugh] I don't care if it's a movie, I don't care if it's a special, I don't care what it is. They need to figure this out, because there's no way that these two shows are not existing in the same universe. They have to.

00:50:53 - SLTCSLTE Ratings and Outro

Ben

I think that's it. This show is excellent. I guess we should rate it. Let's go around.

Ginny, you're newest to this. What's your rating for this?

Ginny

I gave season one a 9 and season two a 10. Season one felt a little incomplete to me, but season two sewed it up. If I was rating them together, I would give them a 10 as a single experience.

Ben

What about you, NiNi?

NiNi

Why you even asking me? You know my answer. This is a 10.

Ben

It's a 10! 10s across the board. Go watch it right now and then when you're finished, go show it to a friend, and then make them show it to a friend. I'm not even kidding. This is excellent. This is going to have to get a new supercut for me on the show. I’m gonna have to mention this every goddamn recording we do after this. [Ginny and NiNi laugh]

NiNi

It's a good thing Ginny's here because now she goes, she's like, okay, so I'm looking for What Did You Eat Yesterday? and then She Loves to Cook, She Loves to Eat.

Ginny

Making notes.

Ben

It was really just so lovely. One of the things I really enjoy in my queer stories is realistic and believable-feeling friend groups around them. It's really important for me, not just that I believe in the integrity of the couple, but also the integrity of their network. And I really like when queer friend groups grow as a result of two other people finding something in each other, that was really important for me. And it's why this particular show is so special to me. I really love this show, so much. Please go watch it.

NiNi

And with that, that's all she wrote. That is going to wrap us up, say bye to the people.

Say bye Ginny!

Ginny

Bye!

NiNi

Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace.

#chaser game w #she loves to cook and she loves to eat #tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna #japanese gl #gl series #ben and nini's conversations #the conversation #lgbtq #podcast #spring series #spring 2024

26 notes · View notes

sheepispink · 2 days

Text

A Pearl Necklace

HAPPY ENDING VER of A Pearl Series

Ch1 Ch2

Where leon doesnt mess up and also leons pov because THATS SO FUN!!!

Continued from end of chapter 1 👍 this is a BONUS chapter. It makes more sense if you read chapter 2 first then this one. This can also be read as a continuation from chapter 2 as in the time line is the same except that it is ends with a good way and its his pov and like a few lines r diff

“That’s good enough. I fucking hate being woken to push her away from me..” A surge of anger swims in his chest as he shuffles to the edge of his bed, fuelled by a fear he doesn’t dare to pay mind to. It’s true, he hadnt wanted to deal with your tears or the feeling of you so close to him; nowadays

it created a feeling that was like a gnawing at his gut. His body eventually settles as his head sinks into the pillows, fluffed by your hands. Even when he’s tucked underneath the covers and beside the love of his life, he just feels so, so.. vulnerable. He rolls onto his side, one hand under his head as he tries to settle a racing pump somewhere in his chest, his eyes squeezing close. His throat chokes and his muscles clench and although he hasn’t made a sound, the reminder of the past few weeks screams in his ears like bells. Every single day is starting to feel more and more like autopilot, blanking his head out in hopes he can do his job without being reminded of horrors of years ago. He was worked up tonight, having fought another B.O.W and hiding a nasty gash beneath his shirt. You’d definitely ask about it later; the mere possibility bringing a flame of anger and forcing him take a sharp intake of breath. He turns over, seeing your back face him now and his lips pull at a small frown, wondering if you woke up for a moment. You shouldn’t be crying yourself to sleep, ever. But he leaves you this time, still revolting the thought of your touch and your skin if he dared to come closer.

When he wakes the next morning, he cant take it anymore. How is there another round of tears upon her face? He finally pushes away the nausea that creeps in his throat, his hand resting on your shoulder. “Hey, love, what happened? Who did this to you?” Forcing such honeyed words feels like a crime to himself, almost making him frustrated with himself for being untruthful. He also hates the way he’s grateful when you just wipe them away and force a smile, mumbling something about watching a sad movie. Not even for a moment does he dare challenge that, satisfied with a lie as he gets up for another gruelling day.

Over the next month, he feels a swell of pride for how much he has healed. For one, he’s managing his thoughts and emotions much better, no longer hanging on a loose thread whenever someone just speaks. He feels better, having finally gotten to the hang of closing his mind off whenever the thoughts arose. He was sleeping better, you barely even touched him in his sleep anymore— it was perfect. The one thing that slightly irked him is when you would leave the house. Why are you leaving? He hates that he’s curious and he knows he should just let you go; it’s another fuel for the temper that seems to take him easily these days. You’ve also been asking a lot of questions about him recently: how he finds the clothes you ironed for him, the food you cooked and, worst of all, his day. He’s already doing enough to push it away and you’re just bringing it right back to him again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He smells the familiar scent of blueberry pancakes as he steps into the kitchen that morning. You’ve been making them again recently but he wont dwell on the why and how. He doesn’t really like to think too much anymore. He picks up the newspaper as he sits at the small kitchen island, hair tousled and muscles aching from the long rest he received after a particularly tough mission. He had woken up on the other side of the bed today, kind of confused how he didn’t squash you in his sleep but as always, he doesn’t question anything. You slide a plate over to him, stacked high with those tasty pancakes and a dollop of whipped cream atop. He always had a bit of a sweet tooth and it’s been a long time since he’d been in the mood for sugar. Regardless, he’s not in the mood to smile or thank you, just eating his food as per normal.

“So..? Did I finally get it right?” He doesnt need to look up to see the small laugh and the way your lips curve into a teasing smile, one he had grown to despise. You always do this, every time you ask about his damn day.

He just- he cant take this anymore. You’re always prying, digging deep into his head and ripping bandages he left on because the wounds wont heal, they never will. He keeps them patched up for a reason, he doesn’t want to see it again. Nor does he want to talk about it.

“Can you stop interrogating me every day about whatever you do? It’s fine, okay? It’s never been any damn different; I don't see the big deal.” He scoffs, gritting his teeth as he holds back from practically shouting at you. His eyebrows furrow in exasperation, one hand rubbing his temple; he cant bear the headaches your words bring.

“I.. Leon- I was just trying to get some feedback.. They dont ever taste as good as the ones you would make.” Now you’re reduced to a stammering mess, trying to stir guilt within his gut, but he wont give in today.

“Well, can you stop? It’s really fucking annoying having to answer your stupid questions every day over menial things. Are you that insecure?” He doesn’t know why he said that but he knows it’s left his lips before he can stop it and one pang in the back of his head tells him that maybe he really is just being honest. You are insecure, thats why you’ve been doing so damn much and annoying him all the time. He takes another bite of the pancakes, his body screaming for relief even now with each rumble of his stomach.

“Leon- I understand work has been stressing you, but I'm just trying-“ There it is, that stupid expression again as you speak the one thing he never wanted you to say. “Work? That's what you think this is about? Maybe you are just idiotic or too narcissistic to realise maybe you are the problem.” He drops the fork in his hand, the metal hitting the porcelain plate as he stands. Of course you just had to mention work, you could never let him get a break could you? You just always had to ruin it for him.

“I am trying to actually be understanding, I'm sorry if I annoyed you but Leon- there is no need to put me down like that.” Again. Work. Don’t you know how to stop? He can feel that anger fuel again, rising and burning with each an every word. Until it snaps.

“You think you’re being understanding.” He laughs at your pitiful expression, thick with a mocking tone, as he says the words. “I can’t believe it. You actually think that. If you can get one thing through your mind, know that you don’t understand anything about me. You never have. Hah.. ever since that night where I almost fucking choked you.” He sneers at you, pushing the chair back as he stands, walking over to the sink with footsteps that echo with uncontrolled emotions.

“I’ve been trying to ask you—to help you. I want to be there for you..“

“Yeah, as if. You know, on that night, I really thought that you might just understand, unlike anyone else has. I was stupid enough to even think that. You just told me your same stupid reassurances; I should’ve kept my hands on your throat a little longer that day. I wish it scared you off and out of my life.” He snaps, leaving a thick tension in the air, like a wall between the pair of you. It’s cruel and unforgiving and an ache in his heart tears the muscle. Bloodthirst, it’s all he can remember from that virus thrumming in his veins. He can’t just quench that bloodthirst, not to you, so his mouth does the work, wearing you down bit by bit. The consuming memory of devouring the very life out of a human, it’s almost like it’s returning to him now.

“You’re not what I wanted.” Words are just spilling out his lips and he cant even control them; he cant even hear each calculated insult.

“I shouldn’t have expected things you could never reach.” He speaks, the plate dropping into the sink with a horrible clatter. All your words are blurring into one, meeting, intersecting all at that one statement ‘work has been stressing you’.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He stands before the sink, having splashed his face with water at least seven times for the past forty minutes. Only now does he finally feel more like himself—or well the version of himself he prefers to exist as—and his head is free from that invasive fog. Slowly his chest falls, letting out a long breath as his finger pushes the tap off. He hasn’t dealt with that in a while and it only served to remind him that he never wanted to again. That feeling of an aching chest, ribs feeling like they’d crack from the pound of a terrified heart, desperate for relief. Although he always manages to calm every time, the edge of the cut always remains unsealed. Theres no real relief other than the fact it’s all over, no peace in his mind ever. It frustrates him all the more, he’s tried anything and everything and yet theres still that pinprick of a hole which has cracked his mind and heart.

After that, he barely stopped interacting with you altogether. He wasn’t sure why, but it felt right. Maybe it was because you really were pissing him off about everything or that he had started to fall out of love with you. Or maybe, though he never liked to let it linger, he was terrified of the memories only you could resurface. He watched your every frown, the light in your eyes slowly dim out as you start to shift and change. It’s been two months since he last considered you his wife, let alone someone he even cared for. He barely feels the guilt of leaving you like this anymore nor does he feel anything anymore. It just feels blank. Like everyday, every hour, every minute of these days. He can’t remember when he last washed his hair; he just knows he did it. He cant remember filling out the reports, but there they sit on the desk. He cant remember what life was like before the missions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Six months. It’s been six months since he almost killed you, since his hands were on your throat and your terrified expression flashed through his eyes with your shaking pupils and beating chest.

Six months since he hurt you. He thought you had moved on, he thought he moved on. He thought he was doing okay.

Only having just stepped through the doorway, his eyes already found your trembling form on the couch. Your eyes were red and wet, salty streaks down your cheeks as you sob. The worst of all is that when you heard him enter, your eyes widened in a way that was far worse than just regular shock. Like you’d be scolded or mocked, shouted at or reprimanded; you looked like you were scared you would be hurt. He couldn’t shake that sight this time, every time he looked at you even when you scramble to reassure him that it was just hormonal. He knew it was bullshit; he had always known and he wanted to ignore it but he just couldn’t. Not anymore. Not when you were scared of him.

He sits at the breakfast table again the next morning, the air quiet from the lack of humming when you make your food, not even music playing in the kitchen or a pep in your step as you dance around the kitchen. You dont spend 5 minutes fluffing the pillows before bed, nor do you use those stupid face masks with the silly patterns. Hell, you dont even put makeup on anymore. The fridge is stocked and yet theres not even a trace of you to mark it as yours. Everything seems to have changed more than he expected. He cant fathom that he missed all these little differences and the fact there were so many. You’re not the same anymore.

There you go again, leaving randomly during the day after scrambling some excuse about needing spring onions. You barely ever use spring onions and he’s positive he saw some in the freezer yesterday. Whilst he usually would’ve ignored it, he finds himself edging closer and closer until he finds himself following you down the road. He saw the fresh tearstains this morning and you gave him no explanation again, this time he will find out.

You walk and walk and walk, and yet you never go to the grocery store like you said. So why do you even leave the house? It’s not like you were avoiding him, you still hung around him plenty and it’s not like you just needed fresh air, otherwise you would’ve just said so. He keeps his distance as he follows you, your depressed expression obvious, until eventually you pass by a friend. It doesn’t look planned but eventually the pair of you sit at a bench and as bad as it seems, he just cant turn around now. What if you tell her the reason you’re always upset? He needs to know.

“Hey, you know i always see you outside these days. I mean damn, do you really love nature that much?” Your friend teases, although a small pitiful look swirls in their eyes. Leon had been wondering the same thing as her.

“I uh.. well..” You give a sheepish smile as you lean into the bench. “I figured Leon would want some alone time.”

“Again? You come like everyday.”

You just shrug, sinking into the bench and quickly shifting the topic with a shake of your head.

A lot of things are starting to become clearer to him now. Every single action of yours held genuine love and yet he couldnt even bear to think about it. He wouldn’t dare to, he couldnt give in no matter how tempting it seemed. This is the life he chose; the life that would kill him slowly but it had it’s perks. He heads home after that, thinks about what happened for a bit before deciding ultimately to leave you alone again. Even so, you still plague his mind every night, every minute and second. It still makes his chest burn all the more, his irritation on an all high. He should not care, he cannot care. So why does it feel like he’s going to eventually break?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His body is covered in bruises when he returns home that night, a bandage around one of his hands and his eyes sunken. He had never felt worse in his life, feeling like he was tipping on the edge of fainting or just losing everything altogether. His heavy feet dragged him, feeling like weights were pulling him back as he reached the doorstep. After a few mishaps, he finally finds the keys and unlocks the door. His boots echo on the hardwood floor and though he’d usually collapse into bed, he needs some painkillers desperately tonight. The door for the kitchen is right there but he feels compelled to head to the living room and check if you’re awake. He hates that he’s actually glad he did.

This feels like the memories that resurface, only a new kind. You’re crying, again. You’re sobbing your eyes out and he’s had enough; he’d exhausted, bruised and battered and he’s not letting guilt consume him tonight. How dare you disturb the life he forced himself to follow? Anger swells at the sound and sight of you crying today, not because it hurt his hears but because it hurts his heart. The footsteps grow louder as he nears the couch and he hates the way you look up at him in a trembling fear, hands gripping the fabric of your pajama trousers. “L-leon, i didnt mean- it was a sad movie-“

“Stop giving me those fucking excuses.”

He’s pissed, his body feels broken, and he’s not letting you get by anymore. He’s letting that anger reign free. He nears the couch until he’s standing before you, no words spilling out your lips as you freeze up in fear. He could do anything to you but would he actually harm you? He knows he looks like he would, and he sees that realisation flash before your eyes. He leans down, closer and time seems to slow as his hand reaches out. His eyes focus on how you squeeze your eyes shut, the mere sight grasping his heart tight, brace for the impact and the sting of pain that should follow if he were anyone else.

But he’s not anyone else and he’s disgusted with himself that you would think so. His hand meets the small of your back as his arm wraps around you. He places your hands around his shoulders, knowing you seem far too frazzled to do so and takes you into his lap as he settles in your seat. In silence, he strains his bruised arm to grab the blanket you keep at the end of the couch. You always said it was for ‘cold nights’ but it always translated to cuddling sessions until you were caught by slumber and he carried you to bed. The warm fluff of the blanket is pulled over the pair of you, his hand keeping you firmly in place against his chest as he makes sure to settle you. He doesn’t dare say a word, the nausea in his throat creeping higher with each brush against your bare arms. But he’ll bear it for you, just this once. He knows your still unsure: he can see the way you sneak small uncertain glances as your hands twitch at his shoulders, begging to wrap around his form. So he doesn’t make you lift a finger, taking your hands in his and helps them to settle around his body before he returns to his embrace on you again. It’s utterly silent in the room yet the need to speak is desperate; the both of you know this isn’t normal and yet neither of you are complaining. With his chin resting gently on the top of your head, he rubs your back slowly until you relax into him and somehow grasp him even tighter. Even though his body feels like a block of ice, some part of him inside melts aswell; a small sign of that vulnerability he despised returns. Yet still he stays here until you begin to mumble small apologies which are only met by a small shake of his head and a motion to stay silent. You immediately fall quiet and he sees your eyes glimmer for the first time in months; he’s not sure if the crying caused it or true hope, but he prays you’re feeling just a smidge better. You end up resting your head against his chest comfortably, glistening tears staining your cheeks as you eventually fall asleep.

He takes you upstairs soon after, settling you on the armchair as he notices the dirty sheets from his lack of care. Despite his previous exhaustion, he couldn’t care less about his bruises as he takes out fresh sheets from the cupboard and changes them quickly. Once the bed smells brand new again, he scoops your drowsy body again, hushing you when you begin to wake, and tucks you beneath the covers. He cant lay beside you in such a state so he begins to head to the bathroom, considering a quick shower just to scrub off any grime. Much to his dismay, he’s quickly stopped, your weary eyes blinking as you sit up in bed and your fingers lightly tugs at his hand.

“I.. uh.. um..”

“Yes?” His voice comes out gruffer than he’d like, fingers twitching at the feeling of your skin against his.

“You- you’re going to come back, right? You’re not going to leave, will you?” The mere sound of your hopeless tone is enough to make him grit his teeth. The question sounds hopeful and yet it’s obvious you think you don’t trust him to say the truth.

“No, i’m not leaving, I’m just taking a a shower.” He states, voice just as cold as the one that would cut you through with insults. Still, his hands are gentle as they push your shoulders back into the bed.

“Go back to sleep..” He sighs, pulling the covers over you again. “I’ll be quick. I promise.” He watches as you reluctantly nod, eyes watching him with distrust before he turns around and disappears into the bathroom.

He stands infront of the mirror again, waiting for his mind to crack and fall as it usually does on these hallowed nights. He had done everything wrong tonight; he touched you, spoke to you, even promised you. He went near you when he shouldn’t have. But no onslaught of fears come today, or that sharp ache in his chest which reminds him on horrors in a foreign place. Instead, he just looks at his confused expression in the mirror, because for the first time in seven months he’s not acting mindlessly. He’s actually thinking, breathing and talking; he’s living. After everything he’s done to survive and live better, the one thing he needed was you. He understands now, after all this time, why his mind was so insistent on staying away from you, why he did everything. It was because he was scared.

Everytime he gets a nightmare, it ends with the fear on your face after that horrible night. The more he pushes it away, the more he tries to forget is the more he ended up harming you. He refused to touch you because of the fear he could do it again. Every single thing shut off in his brain because he was terrified of those traumatic experiences and he couldn’t ever admit it. He even refused to come near you because he was scared you’d try console him and he knew he would break within seconds. Vulnerability had never been his strong suit and the mere fear of it had ended up being the cancer that consumed every single part of him until he became a living shell. He never wanted to hurt you, or snap at you, or make you feel like nothing. He always figured it was better that way because it meant you wouldn’t have to deal with him and he wouldn’t have to open up. He was a coward and he had paid the price for it; the cost would’ve been your sanity if he hadn’t cracked tonight. He doesn’t want to think of what could’ve happened if he didnt, but he has to. Avoiding everything led to this and it will again. His hands plant against the shower wall as he starts to wash, and slowly begins to think about everything he did wrong even if it hurts more than those night terrors.

He watches your drowsy eyes widen upon seeing him when he re-enters the room, his heart aching at the tear stains that shimmer on your cheeks from earlier. “I told you to sleep..” He mumbles out, standing awkwardly in the doorway, wishing he could avert his gaze but that would be too cruel to you. “I..i… you..” Your lips fumble for words, eyes gazing up and down his unclothed body. Just in his boxers, he stands before you with his adams apple bobbing as he swallows sharply. “Yeah..”

From head to toe his once pristine skin was covered in scars and bruises of all kinds. He hadn’t let you seen him since his trip to Spain and the sight had been much more horrible back then. Scratches, bite marks, dark scars that show deep gashes and even fresh purple bruises from today’s mission. He knew he couldn’t bear to speak to you about anything just yet, but he mustered up his courage to at least show you. He was also aware this wouldnt make you magically forgive him and he wouldn’t accept it if you did. He fucked up, everything, but he’s not about to let it die when he can at least help you bounce back. He’d destroy himself if it meant seeing you as happy as you used to be.

“Leon.. i..”

“I know you’re going to feel bad, so don’t. I didn’t want you know, thats not your fault.”

He watches you nod meekly, quiet eyes still scanning all over his scarred form, before he begins to walk hesitantly over to the bed. Clenching his fists, he drives down the burn of pain that comes with each step and the guilt that blazes through his gut. Your hands reach out, tentatively before grabbing onto his own. “..Fine, i wont say that.. but can i say one thing at least?”He lets out a small sigh and nods in agreement, squeezing your hand as he sits in bed next to you. Your eyes flutter meekly as you swallow, his hands carefully lifting you to bring your head to rest on his lap with his back pressed against the headboard.

“I’m pissed at you. I- i really am and-“ Your eyes are persistent as they look right up at him, chest rising quickly as you spill everything out. “You made me feel like i was going insane and-“ He’s concerned at how your nails imprint into your palms before he gently moves your fingers to focus on something else—anything else, even himself. So he pulls you into him as you crumble, your fingers digging into his back as to express your desperation.  “I wanted to help you so bad- i didn’t want us to fall apart and we were, fuck- we couldn’t even be near each other. You looked so miserable every damn day Leon- I couldn’t even do anything about it-“ You let out a choked sob against his neck, his hand pulling you firm against him as he squeezes you protectively.

“It was never your fault, you’ve never done anything wrong in your life. I was too much of a fucking coward to face life and i ruined us.” He confesses, the palms of his hands cupping your flushed cheeks. “Dont you dare forgive me, not now. I dont want you forgiving me until you’re absolutely sure.”

You quieten down almost instantly by his words, reaching your hands up to rest behind his neck until eventually you nod and he knows he’s made the right choice. His lips turn up just slightly and then you sit up a little better, trying to look firm even though you had been so vulnerable a moment earlier. That’s why he loves you, you’re just so perfect. Not once have you ever cared about what others think of you, nor do you let yourself be trampled over so easily. Even if you’re lips are wobbly as you narrow your eyes at him right now, coming off more adorable rather than angry. Despite everything he’s ever fought and the praises he receives for his work, you’re the strongest person in this very world and the reason he’s still here. You once told him that if he was a mountain, you’d be like those little flowers that grow at the top even when the conditions are beyond habitable. He’s never believed anything more until now.

“Fine.. if you really want that then i wont forgive you until you tell me everything. I refuse to forgive you until you tell me every little thing in your head.” His lips quirk into a slight smile, a first in too many blank days to count. His thumb rubs the curve of your cheek, so rosy and pink. “I promise, the day you forgive me will come.” He leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead before shuffling until he’s laying back in bed with you atop of him. “But for now, i want those dark circles under your eyes gone immediately.”

“You should sleep on the couch for all the days i did.” You feign annoyance, small huff leaving your lips and without a second thought he rises out of bed. It’s like it’s hitting him all over again, like a teenage boy trying to hide his crush, he misses the warmth of your body desperately. Even so, he knows he deserves far worse than sleeping on the couch, so he’ll bear it for now.

“I’ll make you breakfast everyday day going forward too. Blueberry pancakes, just the way you like it.”

Right now, it sounds like the bare minimum, but you had no idea how much he’d love you from now on. He’d tell you more but he’d prefer to see the glimmer in your eyes when you’re surprised. Though you tug at his hand before he can go.

“I think we can leave your punishment for next week. You owe me 6 months worth of love.”

That makes him finally grin and he’s under the covers again, arms enveloping you before you press your lips against his.

#leon kennedy #resident evil #resident evil fanfiction #resident evil fluff #resident evil angst #leon x reader #leon kennedy x y/n #leon kennedy x you #re4 #re4 leon

19 notes · View notes