#and secondly i brought up our 5 hours time difference and he was like oh wow 5 hours you know it could be a lot worse 🙄 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kjack89 · 5 years

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Through the Years

A little early Valentine’s Day fluff, with all my love.

Five very different Valentine’s Days for Enjolras and Grantaire through the years. Modern AU. Featuring background Joly/Bossuet.

February 14, 2015

“What’re you doing up this early?” Bossuet asked, tipping his head back automatically for Joly to drop a kiss on his lips as he darted around the kitchen looking harried.

“I’ve got pre-rounds at the hospital in half an hour,” Joly told him, pouring coffee into a travel mug. “Did you forget to go to bed last night?”

Bossuet sighed, glancing back down at the newspaper. “Accidentally set my alarm for 4:30 instead of 8:30,” he said mournfully. “Hey, do you remember what show won the 2014 Tony?”

Joly blinked. “Are you trying to do the crossword again?”

“Trying but not succeeding,” Bossuet sighed.

Joly laughed and kissed the top of his head before peering over his shoulder. “11 down is ‘Ali’.”

“Hm?”

“Aladdin Prince, three letters,” Joly said, pointing at the column in question. “It’s Ali.”

Bossuet scowled and batted his hand away. “Ok but I would’ve gotten that one on my own, thanks.”

Joly laughed but before he could respond, a slightly frantic knock sounded on their door, and he sighed and gave Bossuet a look. “I do not have time to deal with Grantaire this morning.”

“I’ll deal with it,” Bossuet assured him, standing and heading to the door while Joly disappeared back into the bedroom to grab his bag. Bossuet took a deep, steadying breath before forcing a smile and opening the door. “Good morning, R,” he said.

Grantaire brushed past him, his eyes wild, his hair completely disheveled. “I am so fucked,” he announced hoarsely.

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as all that,” Bossuet assured him without anything even approximating sincerity, skirting past Grantaire to make his way over to the coffee pot. “Coffee?”

“I’d prefer something stronger,” Grantaire muttered.

Bossuet gave him a look. “You drank all our whiskey the last time you had an early morning crisis.”

Grantaire scowled. “And you didn’t go to the liquor store in the interim?”

“Nor apparently did you, so—”

Grantaire almost smiled. “Touché.”

Before he could say anything else, Joly rushed out of the bedroom. “Hey, R,” he said as he darted past him and kissed Bossuet on the cheek. “Love you, see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you too!” Bossuet called after him before turning back to Grantaire, who looked disgruntled. “He’s got pre-rounds.”

Grantaire shook his head. “No, that’s—I mean, yeah, I know Joly’s busy, but, like…” He trailed off before shaking his head again, somewhat incredulously. “You know what day it is, right?”

“Uh — Saturday?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Grantaire informed him, still looking a little miffed as he accepted a mug of coffee from Bossuet. “And I was missing a little bit of the expected nauseatingly perfect romance between you and darling Jolllly.”

Bossuet laughed. “Romance,” he practically chortled. “Joly and I have been together for, what, five years now, and you think we still care about romance?” He shook his head. “We’ll celebrate Valentine’s Day when we get a joint day off, and in the meantime, what we have is better than that shit.”

Grantaire raised an eyebrow. “Better than that shit,” he repeated. “I guess romance really is dead.”

Bossuet gave him a look. “Anyway,” he said deliberately, “what crisis brought you here at ass o’clock in the morning?”

Grantaire’s smile disappeared, replaced by something approaching panic. “It’s — it’s just, like, hilariously bad timing,” he muttered, slumping down at the table. “Like, worthy of your luck kind of bad timing.”

Bossuet sat down across from him. “Bad timing?” he repeated. “For you and I assume Enjolras?”

“Am I that obvious?” Grantaire asked, and when Bossuet remained tactfully silent, he sighed. “Yeah, ok, I’m that obvious.” He sighed again and scrubbed a hand across his face before leaning forward and lowering his voice. “Look, this has to stay between us, alright?”

“Between us includes Joly, right?” Bossuet asked, and Grantaire rolled his eyes.

“Yes, you, me, Joly, and no one else, ok? I mean it.”

“Shall I cross my heart and hope to die?” Bossuet quipped, but when Grantaire didn’t so much as smile, his own smile faded. “Grantaire, what’s going on?”

Grantaire drained his mug of coffee in one big gulp before managing, “Enjolras and I…” He trailed off, but Bossuet didn’t press, and after a long moment, Grantaire cleared his throat before continuing, somewhat reluctantly, “Enjolras and I were at the Musain late last night and we were talking—”

“Arguing,” Bossuet interrupted and Grantaire half-smiled.

“—and, y’know, it got late and one thing led to another and, uh…” He again trailed off and took a deep breath before blurting all in one rapid go, “He-invited-me-back-to-his-place-and-we-had-sex.”

Bossuet choked on his sip of coffee, but for some reason, his resulting cough sounded an awful lot like ‘finally’. “Well, that’s, uh…” He trailed off as if searching for the right word but seemed to give up on that plan, settling instead for asking, somewhat delicately, “So what are you freaking out about?”

Grantaire stared at him. “We had sex,” he repeated slowly, as if he thought Bossuet hadn’t quite grasped it. “Enjolras. And me. On the night before Valentine’s Day.” He made a face. “And then, technically, again on Valentine’s Day.”

“Ah.” Bossuet took a sip of coffee before asking cautiously, “So are you more freaked out by the fact that you had sex and you don’t know what it means, or that you had sex on Valentine’s Day and you don’t know what that means?”

“I...we…Both?” Grantaire’s face turned a mottled shade of red. “We just, uh, we didn’t, y’know, talk. About. Stuff.”

“Well with eloquence like that, I can see why.”

Grantaire glared at him. “I come to you in my time of need and this is how you treat me?”

Bossuet shrugged. “You’re always welcome to find someone else who will let you into their apartment at 5 in the morning and give you coffee and listen to you rant.”

Though Grantaire’s glare didn’t waver, he still managed a seething, “Fair point,” before dropping his head into his hands and practically wailing in a muffled voice, “What does it mean?”

Bossuet patted him consolingly on the shoulder. “Well, I think the sex probably speaks for itself. After all, you two have been sickeningly into each other for years now, even if you’re both too stubborn to actually admit it. As for Valentine’s Day—” He hesitated. “I mean, it’s Enjolras. Love him though I do — though certainly not like you — I cannot imagine that he would care about a capitalist non-holiday, and I almost guarantee that he was not thinking about it when he asked you back to his.”

“So it didn’t mean anything to him?”

Grantaire’s voice was high-pitched and miserable, and Bossuet sighed. “You slept together for the first time so I doubt it doesn’t mean anything. Just — I also doubt it means anything more to him than it would on any other day of the year.” He paused. “Besides, like, Bastille Day. Maybe.”

Grantaire peeked through his fingers as he asked despairingly, “And what if I want it to mean more?”

Bossuet stared at him. “Do you?” he asked doubtfully.

Grantaire slowly lowered his hands from his face as he shrugged, looking almost embarrassed at what he had admitted. “I mean...it’s Enjolras,” he hedged, as if it was an answer to the question. “And it’s Valentine’s Day. Put the two together and it’s almost enough to make me a believer.”

“Key word there being almost,” Bossuet muttered. He shook his head slowly. “Well, look, first and foremost, you should probably be having this conversation with Enjolras, not with me.” Grantaire let out a wounded noise at the thought, which Bossuet ignored. “And secondly, since it is Valentine’s Day...seems like a pretty good time to tell him that you want this to mean more.”

Grantaire wrinkled his nose. “Can’t I just sleep with him again?”

“You can. And I’m pretty sure you’re gonna, regardless of what I say. But if five years of nauseatingly perfect romance — your words, not mine — have taught me anything, you’re still gonna have to talk eventually.”

Bossuet finished his coffee while Grantaire stewed in silence. Eventually, Grantaire sighed. “Fine,” he said, drawing the single syllable out as if it pained him. “I will talk to him. Or something. Though I can’t guarantee I won’t sleep with him again first.”

“I would expect nothing less,” Bossuet said solemnly, though he couldn’t quite stop his grin. “And Grantaire — I’m really happy for you.”

“Hold that thought until after I talk to him,” Grantaire grumbled, though he knocked into Bossuet with something like affection as he stood. “Thanks for everything, blah blah blah, I’ll let you know how it goes.”

“What, are you going now?” Bossuet asked, startled. “It’s not six o’clock in the morning yet.”

Grantaire shrugged. “Yeah, I figure if I hurry, I can probably get back to Enjolras’s before he wakes up.”

Bossuet stared at him. “He wasn’t even awake when you left?!”

Grantaire looked smug. “What can I say, I wore him out,” he said with a smirk, and Bossuet rolled his eyes. “But seriously, he sleeps like the dead. It would take a nuclear explosion to wake him up.” He paused. “Or Courfeyrac. Moral of the story, he probably won’t even notice I was gone. And hell, I may even get another couple hours of sleep, since I didn’t sleep well last night.”

Again Bossuet rolled his eyes. “Because of all the sex?” he asked dryly.

“No. Because Enjolras snores.”

Grantaire kissed the top of Bossuet’s bald head. “Thanks for everything,” he repeated, and Bossuet squirmed away, laughing.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, now get outta here,” he said. “Oh, and Grantaire?” Grantaire paused and glanced back at him. “Do you know what show won a 2014 Tony Award?”

“Just Google the answers to the crossword puzzle like everyone else,” Grantaire told him, smirking when Bossuet scowled at him. “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

“Happy Valentine’s Day my ass,” Bossuet grumbled, turning back to the newspaper. He stared at the crossword puzzle for a moment before sighing and pulling out his phone.

But before going into Google, he opened his text messages first.

[To: Joly] You’re not gonna believe that happened.

[To: Bossuet] E and R?

[To: Joly] Got it in one.

[To: Bossuet] F I N A L L Y

---

February 14, 2016

Enjolras adjusted his cufflinks as he glanced around the crowded ballroom, relaxing when he saw Grantaire weaving through the crowd, a glass of champagne in one hand, a glass of some amber alcohol in the other. “Did you get the coat check squared away?” he asked as he reached Enjolras and handed the glass of champagne off.

“Yes, though I’m not entirely sure why the gentleman manning the coat check found my questions about how much he was being paid rude,” Enjolras said, taking a sip of champagne before pulling at his bowtie. “And I think he thought I was trying to get him to join a church instead of join a union.”

“Potato, po-tah-to,” Grantaire mumbled into his whiskey as he scanned the room. “So I assume we have to make the rounds at some point, but if you don’t mind, I’d rather have a drink or two in me first.” He glanced at Enjolras, half-smiling. “And I imagine you’d prefer me with a drink or two as well.”

Enjolras laughed lightly and shook his head. “You are one of the only people I know who can be significantly nicer when drunk than when sober.”

Grantaire leaned in and kissed his cheek. “That’s only because you haven’t spent enough time around drunk girls,” he said cheerfully. “Trust me, no one is as nice a drunk girl who senses any kind of kindred spirit.”

“Even Éponine?”

Grantaire considered it. “Ok, Ép may be the exception to that rule.”

Enjolras laughed again before giving Grantaire an appraising look. “I know I said it earlier, but you look really amazing tonight.”

“What, this old thing?” Grantaire said, aiming for nonchalance even as he preened slightly at the compliment. “What can I say, Bossuet accidentally buying our tuxes instead of renting them for Marius and Cosette’s wedding came in handy.” He gave Enjolras a once-over. “And you, of course, look positively sinful. I want to gag you with that red pocket square.”

Enjolras choked on an ill-timed sip of champagne. “Really?” he spluttered, as red as the pocket square in question. Grantaire just smirked and sipped his drink as Enjolras recovered, and when his blush had finally faded to something more like a light pink, Enjolras cleared his throat and looked back at Grantaire. “As much as it pains me to say this given, y’know, everything,” he said sourly, “thanks for coming with me.”

“Open bar,” Grantaire told him. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Enjolras rolled his eyes. “I mean it,” he insisted. “After all, I know this probably wasn’t how you wanted to spend our first official Valentine’s Day together—”

“What, at a black tie political fundraiser on a Sunday evening?” Grantaire asked dryly.

Enjolras scowled. “It’s not political, it’s a fundraiser for heart disease research.”

Grantaire gave him a look. “Ok, sure, and the fact that you and a bunch of other political junkies are attending a heart disease fundraiser within two weeks of Super Tuesday is a coincidence.”

Enjolras had the good grace to at least look slightly embarrassed. “It’s also American Heart Month,” he mumbled.

“And Black History Month but at least the NAACP had the good sense to hold their gala on a Saturday.” Enjolras opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, Grantaire drained his drink and grabbed his hand. “C’mon, let’s dance.”

“I don’t dance,” Enjolras protested, even as Grantaire pulled him over to the dance floor.

“And I don’t attend black tie functions, and yet here we both are,” Grantaire said blithely, smirking up at him.

Enjolras glanced down at him, letting Grantaire steer him around the dance floor. “I really do mean it,” he said after a long moment, and Grantaire gave him a questioning look. “Thank you for coming with me tonight.”

Grantaire half-smiled. “I meant it as well.”

“Meant what?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

---

February 14, 2017

Grantaire let himself into the apartment and Enjolras glanced up at him, waving a vague greeting without breaking his concentration on his phone call, his phone sandwiched between his shoulder and ear as he sorted through some papers on the coffee table. “And who did you say was organizing the rapid response to any future executive orders on immigration?” he asked, jotting something down. “And their spokesperson is still— yeah, perfect.”

He glanced up as Grantaire made his way into the kitchen, his brow furrowing as he watched Grantaire empty the bag of takeout he had. “No, count Les Amis in. We’ll organize something. I’ll be in touch later in the week with details.”

He tossed his phone down and rubbed his eyes before glancing at Grantaire again, something like wariness tightening his shoulders as he watched Grantaire all but slam the styrofoam takeout containers on the counter. “Everything ok?”

Grantaire didn’t look at him. “Fine.”

Enjolras sighed. “Obviously you’re not fine, he said, standing and crossing cautiously to the kitchen. “What’s going on?”

Grantaire turned to the photo calendar from Shutterfly that Courfeyrac had insisted on getting them for Christmas. “Dinner at 7pm at Osaka Sushi,” he read off before turning back to Enjolras, even if he still didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Ring any bells?”

Enjolras froze, and a quick glance at the clock on the oven confirmed that it was after 8. “Shit,” he breathed. “I am so sorry, I got wrapped in a call and I completely forgot—”

“No kidding,” Grantaire said, bracing himself against the kitchen counter. “Do you know how long I waited at the restaurant for you?”

“You should’ve called—”

“I did,” Grantaire said shortly. “Your phone was busy.”

He grabbed one of the styrofoam containers and a set of chopsticks before stalking out of the kitchen, Enjolras, trailing after him. “All this shit with Trump’s executive orders has really thrown everything off,” Enjolras offered, like a an explanation or an excuse. “And I know that doesn’t make getting stood up any better—”

“Stood up on Valentine’s Day,” Grantaire interrupted.

Enjolras winced. “Right. I—”

“Forgot?” Grantaire finished for him. “Yeah, I kind of figured that out for myself.” He shook his head, sitting down on the couch and staring at the papers strewn across the coffee table still. “You know what the worst part is? It’s not that it’s Valentine’s Day. It’s not even that it’s our anniversary, since I imagine you forgot that as well. It’s that you didn’t even think to call or text when I wasn’t home at the usual time.” He shook his head. “I ranked so low on your list of priorities that you didn’t even notice that I spent the last hour sitting by myself at a restaurant, waiting for you.”

“I’m sorry,” Enjolras repeated quietly, hovering awkwardly in the doorway to the kitchen.

“Are you?” Grantaire asked sharply, looking at him for the first time.

“Of course I am,” Enjolras said, his brow furrowing, defensive despite himself. “It’s not like this was intentional.”

Grantaire barked a humorless laugh. “Of course it wasn’t. Intention would require you to think about me.”

Enjolras inhaled sharply. “That’s not fair.”

“I don’t think you get to decide what’s fair here—”

“I think about you more than I’ve ever thought about another person,” Enjolras told him, no small amount of heat in his voice. “Because I love you. But loving you doesn’t change the fact that my job, my life can be erratic depending on what’s going on in the world. You knew that going into this two years ago.”

Grantaire set the unopened styrofoam container on the coffee table and stood. “You’re right,” he said hollowly. “I did know. So I guess this, like everything, is my fault.”

Enjolras sighed. “That’s not what I meant,” he said, but Grantaire just shook his head.

“I don’t particularly feel like doing this right now,” he said tiredly. “So I’m done.”

Enjolras stiffened. “What do you mean, done?” he asked, his voice suddenly hoarse. “You mean, like—”

Grantaire’s eyes flew to his. “God, no, of course not. I just meant—” He waved a dismissive hand. “I’m done with this argument and I’m going to go to bed.” Enjolras nodded jerkily and Grantaire’s expression softened, just slightly. “Hey,” he said softly, crossing over to him and grabbing both of his hands. “I love you. And we are probably never going to not fight about the Cause and your priorities, but that doesn’t mean that I’m willing to walk away from this. Ok?”

Enjolras nodded wordlessly and pulled Grantaire to him, wrapping him in a tight hug and resting his chin on top of Grantaire’s head. “I love you.”

“I know,” Grantaire said, his voice muffled against Enjolras’s chest. “I know.”

---

February 14, 2018

“This was nice,” Enjolras said, holding Grantaire’s hand as they walked home from the restaurant.

“It was,” Grantaire agreed. “Ethically sourced seafood, excellent wine, decent company…”

Enjolras made an affronted noise. “Decent?” he repeated. “When I didn’t check my phone once during dinner?” Grantaire raised an eyebrow and he quickly amended, “During the entree part of dinner at least?”

Grantaire just laughed, twisting his wrist to bring Enjolras’s hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss against his knuckles. “More than decent,” he allowed. “Especially considering the dessert waiting for me at home.”

“Oh?” Enjolras said. “Did you get something special for dessert?”

“I wouldn’t say special, but I would say one of my favorite things.”

Enjolras nodded slowly. “So...dessert wine?”

Grantaire rolled his eyes. “You, you idiot.”

“Me?” Enjolras repeated. “What do you—” He broke off. “Oh. Oh. I like the sound of that.”

Grantaire rolled his eyes again. “God, you’re lucky I love you,” he muttered, even as he reached up to kiss Enjolras.

Enjolras hummed in agreement and was about to say something when he yawned widely. “Oh, man,” he said, blinking rapidly. “Food coma.”

“Food coma or string of early morning meetings?” Grantaire asked before he also yawned, his jaw cracking as he did. “God, getting older’s a bitch.”

“Glad I have something to look forward to,” Enjolras said, yawning again.

Grantaire poked him in the stomach. “Stop that,” he scolded, stifling a second yawn of his own. “We’ve got dessert waiting for us. And while it’s not exactly a requirement, I would prefer if you were awake for it.”

“Sorry,” Enjolras siad, “I’ll be more awake by the time we get home, I promise.”

“You better be,” Grantaire muttered before he yawned again.

But by the time they made it home, neither of them were particularly more awake than they had been, and Grantaire leaned against the wall of their apartment building as Enjolras fumbled with his keys. “I have a proposition,” he said.

“And what proposition is that?” Enjolras murmured tiredly before he found the right key and let them inside, all but collapsing on the couch and reaching automatically to pull Grantaire down with him.

Grantaire curled against Enjolras and yawned. “What if we have dessert for breakfast?”

Enjolras considered it. “Just so we’re clear, by dessert you mean sex, right?” Grantaire’s long-suffering sigh was the only answer, and Enjolras laughed lightly. “I think I’m supposed to meet Combeferre and Courfeyrac at 7 but I can text them and push it back to 8.”

“I know you’re an optimist but an hour seems a bit extreme even for you,” Grantaire mumbled.

Enjolras laughed again, but gentler this time, and he shifted to free an arm so that he could run his fingers through Grantaire’s dark curls. “You’re really fine with postponing until tomorrow?”

Grantaire shrugged. ‘Better to postpone than fall asleep with your dick in my mouth.”

“Vulgar,” Enjolras mumbled, his eyelids drooping and his hand moving slower and slower with each pass through Grantaire’s hair. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“I know,” Grantaire said, so quietly that Enjolras could barely hear him. “Luckiest guy in the world.”

---

February 14, 2019

Grantaire perched on the edge of the table at the Musain, smiling slightly when Enjolras automatically shifted to lean against him. “Almost ready to go home?” he asked, carding his fingers through Enjolras’s hair.

“Just let me—” Enjolras typed a comment on the blog post he was editing before closing his laptop. “Done.”

Courfeyrac looked up at them as Enjolras stood and gathered his things together. “So what exciting V-Day plans do you two lovebirds have?” he asked, fluttering his eyelashes at them both.

“We don’t,” Grantaire said simply, taking Enjolras’s bag from him so he could put his coat on.

“Well that’s not true,” Enjolras said. “Brooklyn Nine-Nine is new tonight.”

Grantaire grinned. “Excellent point. I almost forgot.” He leaned in and pressed a swift peck to the corner of Enjolras’s mouth. “Now let’s go home.”

Enjolras grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together as they started toward the door. Courfeyrac stared after them, shaking his head slightly, and Combeferre glanced up at him. “What?” he asked.

“Is that what all of us have to look forward to?” Courfeyrac asked, slightly disgruntled, gesturing toward Enjolras and Grantaire. “Is that what love turns into?”

Combeferre just shrugged, looking back down at his laptop. “I certainly hope so.”

Courfeyrac frowned at him but didn’t say anything, just shaking his head as he looked critically back at Enjolras and Grantaire, watching as Grantaire lightly swatted Enjolras’s ass, and Enjolras elbowed him, laughing, before pulling him in and kissing him. “Yeah,” Courfeyrac said slowly, a small smile lifting the corners of his mouth. “Yeah, I hope so, too.”

#enjolras #grantaire #enjolras x grantaire #exr #enjoltaire #joly x bossuet #joly #bossuet #combeferre #courfeyrac #fanfiction #les miserables #modern au #fluff #valentine's day #developing relationship #established relationship

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extreme-technicality · 5 years

Note

Fantasu au fluff

This one was sooo much fun to write!! Here’s the link to the Ao3 version, and here’s the other prompt I incorporated cuz it just. It fit so well, I couldn’t NOT do it. Without any further ado, let’s get to the f l u f f!!!!!

He crept up beside the sleeping mass of muscle and scale, easily bigger than his knights’ sleeping quarters. He’d set his crown aside, which surely his mother would’ve killed him for, but he didn’t want the glint to panic him. He felt for his pack and held his breath as the dragon’s ancient eye peeled open.

He certainly hoped this was going to work out.

“Get up, fuckin sleepyhead,” he crooned softly, running his hands along the massive coiled neck. “We got shit to do.”

The flesh under his hands quivered as Eijirou grumbled sleepily and made to turn over. Katsuki frowned. “Eijirou.”

A wing flapped, the draconic equivalent of “5 more minutes”. “No dumbass, we got shit to do! Wake up and shift or I’ll tickle you.”

He didn’t move, but Katsuki knew that he was fully awake. Impatiently, he let the seconds tick by. Five seconds. Then ten. Twenty. A minute.

Katsuki sighed, exasperation and fondness in equal measures contained in the sound. “You asked for it.” He gave no further warning before aiming for the sensitive skin at the juncture of Eijirou’s neck and shoulder. He couldn’t afford to; Eijirou knew exactly what he was going to do, and flipped himself around trying to throw Katsuki off. But they’d been together entirely too long for that to work, and Katsuki simply hooked his legs around his neck and flattened his body against the scales, continuing to tickle all the while.

He felt the roar before he heard it, swelling like a tsunami between his thighs. It served as combination dragon laughter and pleas for the tickling to stop. “Shift, idiot. Shift and I’ll stop.”

After a few more seconds of flipping over and over, scattering pillows and blankets across the floor of Eijirou’s spacious private sleeping cave, his body started to glow at the edges. Katsuki grinned a little and slowed his tickling– but only slightly. He didn’t completely stop until he had Eijirou’s human form gasping out laughs underneath him.

“Kats-Katsuki, I shifted, I shifted, sto-p!”

“About damn time, lizard brain.” But his tone was fond, and he looked at him with undisguised affection. “Good morning, Eijirou.”

He hummed and reached up for a kiss. “Morning, love.”

Katsuki leaned his head away, crinkling his nose. “Ew. Brush your fucking teeth first, dragonbreath.”

Eijirou pouted momentarily, then blew a stream of dragonbreath directly into Katsuki’s face.

“…You’re gonna regret that.” And Katsuki started tickling him again. It was easier now that Eijirou was in his human form. Laughter rang out, clear and bright against the black rock of his cave, echoing around the space molded by the finest stone mages of Katsuki’s kingdom. When he finally tired, Katsuki shuffled back and let him sit up properly. “Don’t breathe your stinky dragonbreath on me, dumbass,” he groused, giving him a good morning kiss at last.

“You love my stinky dragonbreath,” he hummed against his lips when they finally separated.

He grunted and reached for his pack, slapping it into Eijirou’s solid chest. “Stop talking and get some clothes on. We gotta get ready,” he said, standing.

“Will do, love, but I notice you haven’t denied it~” he sang as he followed.

“Eijirou,” he interrupted, grabbing his arm to hold him in place. “I love you, so I tolerate the dragonbreath.”

“I love you too, Katsuki,” accompanied by a sweet kiss dropped on his nose, and he released him to get dressed. “Fuck I can’t wait to be married.”

“It’s only a few hours away, calm down.”

“Love, shut up. You’re just as excited as I am. Oh yeah! Isn’t there some sort of human superstition against seeing your fiancé on your wedding day? Like, it’s supposed to be bad luck, yeah?”

“First off, we’ve always made our own luck; why should this be any different? And secondly, you’re off a little. It’s bad luck to see the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding. Neither of us is a fuckin bride, and unless there’s been a last-minute wardrobe change neither of us is wearing a dress, so the whole damn thing is irrelevant.”

“Are you sure about that?” Eijirou grinned up from his spot on the floor where he was lacing up the boots Katsuki brought him. “You never seem to mind when I pick you up in a bridal carry, love.”

Katsuki glared, strode over, snaked one arm under his knees and the other behind his back, and easily hoisted him up. “Neither do you, what’s your fucking point?”

With the most unimpressed, deadpan look he’d ever seen from his sunshine dragon, Eijirou reached around to Katsuki’s side and dug his fingers in, tickling viciously. Yelping and flinching away, Katsuki let his arms– and Eijirou– drop.

“Eat shit,” he spat with no heat, watching him pick himself up.

“Oh, are you volunteering?” Eijirou’s tone was light enough to match the shit-eating grin that grew, and then he took one step closer and dropped his voice. “We do have a few hours before the ceremony…” he rumbled, grazing his nose along Katsuki’s jaw. The touch made him shiver, and doubly so when he felt hands land on his hips and skate up his sides. For a moment, he was tempted.

For a moment.

“The next time you eat me out, it’ll be as my fucking husband, got it,” he rasped, pulling back enough so they could see each other’s face.

“…Is that a promise, love?”

“No.” He smirked. “It’s a fuckin’ demand.”

“Well,” Eijirou started slowly, a wicked, tilted grin growing on his face, “who am I to refuse the demands of the king?”

Katsuki’s smirk grew into the widest, most sincere smile he could muster, and watched Eijirou’s expression morph from near-predatory, hungry intent to pure and open adoration. “In a few hours, you’ll be a king yourself.” He pulled away and intertwined their fingers, turning towards the cave’s opening. “Let’s go get married, Eijirou.”

A soft, breathless “ok” was all the answer he needed before Katsuki was tugging Eijirou forward, stepping into the dawn’s light together.

#ask dadzawa #dadzawa writes #nonnie #kiribaku drabbles #fantasy au drabbles

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life-experiences-by-me · 5 years

Text

Time-Outs and How They Might Accidentally Fuck Up Our Kids

I feel I should start this by mentioning that I don’t have any children of my own. However, I do have parents, I have been a child, and I have an abusive ex-boyfriend (whose relevance to this topic will be made clear later). So! Seeing a lot of debate lately around the topic of time-outs and other punishments parents inflict on their children, I thought I would share my two cents by writing about my own experience in this area.

Today I saw a pin on Pinterest about a “Time-Out Bottle” (pictured below). The idea of the bottle is you fill it with water, glitter glue, and glitter, put your kid in time-out, shake it, and their punishment is over when all the glitter has settled at the bottom. The bottle also has a poem on it containing the phrase “You’re in time-out/Because you were acting rotten”. Personally, I thought the idea of the bottle, watching the glitter sink (such a calming movement) was an interesting idea, though I’d have left off the poem and called it something less punishment-y. The comments section on this pin was full of people discussing (some rather heatedly) the use of the word “rotten” in the poem, and the effectiveness of time-outs as a whole. While I expected unpleasantness, I was shocked at some of the comments I read. The worst example I saw was one person who stated to those who thought the poem was too negative, “This is unfortunately why kids these days can’t take how cruel other people can be in the real world, and end up killing themselves over being bullied.” Ummm, WHAT? I couldn’t believe what I was reading! Suddenly wanting to raise your children in a positive environment is increasing their susceptibility to suicide? I know that these kinds of debates bring out the extremists, but holy crow! And so it was that I started to think back to my own childhood, and how my parents raised me.

Now, my parents never put me in time-out. I was grounded from seeing my friends one time for one weekend, after breaking curfew by a good hour, having been warned about it before. And they never hit me. What was the result of this “soft, over protective” parenting? Once I understood my reactions to my emotions, I had one major (though short, like five seconds tops) public outburst at the mall, which I realizied immediately after the fact was wrong with no prompting or punishment from my parents. I apologized once I had some time to calm down, and they accepted. I never did anything like that again. I was not, and still am not, disrespectful to anyone unless they earn it. I was and am kind. I was and am responsible. I understand my emotions and can control my reactions to them for the most part. I have a positive relationship with my parents. However, while my parents never tried to put me in time-out, there was one person who did: my psycho ex-boyfriend.

My ex was very abusive to me emotionally during our entire relationship, but I never knew how bad it was until I left him. We met and started dating when I was 21, and I was 23 when this particular experience occurred. Keep that in mind: Twenty. Three. I was a grown woman, I had been an adult for 5 full years at this point. He was older than me, by almost a decade, in his thirties. And we fought all the time. Mostly because I - being a grown-ass woman - know myself and my mind, and he - being older - thought he knew better than me in all things, including me and my emotions. One day, while at his place, we were having a fight because I hadn’t obeyed him fast enough (he wanted me to come watch him practice something, I was finishing up writing something and wanted to get my thoughts down before I forgot them), and he said we were going to try something different. He said that from now on whenever I was being “a brat”, he was going to put me in time-out: he was going to take my phone, and I had to sit in a chair in the corner of his bedroom facing the wall and I wasn’t allowed to get up, look at him, or talk to him for five minutes. I was HORRIFIED. I hated the idea of being forced to be isolated, it actually terrified me. Who would do that to a person? I told him I absolutely would not do that, I threatened to leave and go home. He then said, “Well, I have to have some way to punish you when you’re wrong.” Punish me. PUNISH me. We were ADULTS, I was TWENTY-THREE YEARS OLD, and this man wanted to PUNISH ME for doing things that HE thought were inappropriate or disrespectful to him (whether they were meant that way or not). The very idea of this, I’m sure you’ll agree, is laughable. But while I can laugh about it now, at the time, I didn’t find this funny - I found it hurtful, and confusing. Why did he need to punish me? He loved me, and I loved him, why would he want to hurt me like that? What did I do so wrong that he felt like he had to punish me? The answers, of course, are: he didn't; he's an asshole who didn't really love me; and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. And looking back on my relationship with him, while there was a red flag here and there, THIS was the moment I finally realized who he was. THIS was the moment I understood the manipulative and controlling person I was willingly staying with (and sadly continued to stay with, even after this, for another two years). THIS was the moment that lead to me, finally, getting the hell away from him.

Now, there are a couple of things that I think about, remembering this experience. Firstly, I can’t help but wonder if my reaction to my crazy ex’s “punishment” would have been different if my parents had put me in that position regularly as a child. And if so, how? But secondly, and far more importantly, if I, a full grown adult woman approaching her mid-twenties, had that kind of reaction to the IDEA of being put in “time-out”.. what is happing with the children whose parents are actually going through with it, over and over? Children who are still trying to understand their emotions, and their reactions to them? Children who are still trying to understand where they fit in this world they didn’t ask to be brought into? Children who, half the time, aren’t even told WHY they’re being punished to begin with? I know that the idea behind time-outs and other punishment for children is for parents to teach them. They want their kids to understand how the world works. But ask yourself: is that really how the world works? If you’re a parent, and your father came to you today and tried to put you in time-out for not eating all your vegetables, would you think “oh well, that’s just how the world works”, or would you laugh at them for even suggesting it? If you’re at the supermarket and your mother told you to put back the dessert you picked up, and then tried to spank you when you told her no, would you think “just how the world works”, or would you freak out at being assaulted in public? If your parents come over to visit and the living room is a mess, do you expect to be grounded for not cleaning up after yourself? Is that not what the punishments of your childhood taught you to expect?

Now, I know that actions have consequences. And I know children need to be taught that. But here’s the thing: children are PEOPLE. Young people, people who still need looking after, but people nonetheless. And if you wouldn’t inflict these types of punishments on other people, why on earth would you make a child suffer through them? You’d be surprised how good children can get at having a conversation if you just give them the tools and the opportunity. Children don’t understand these emotions that are so big for their still developing minds - help them. Talk to them about how to recognize when an emotion is getting the better of them, and methods they can use to get control of themselves again. Talk to them about when it IS okay to show someone how they’re feeling, even if it’s a “bad” feeling, and how to do it respectfully and still stay true to themselves. A child who knows their emotions will have an easier time controlling their reactions, and explaining how they feel. And a child who isn’t afraid of being punished for their feelings, and their reactions to them, will have an easier time talking to their parents about it.

That’s my life experience, anyway.

#child care #child punishment #time-out #tw: suicide mention #tw: emotional abuse #a life experience by me #yes it’s the ex

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walkerismychoice · 6 years

Text

Faking It (Damien X MC)

Book: Perfect Match

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 1967

Author’s Note: This part 6 in the series chronicling my head-cannon of Damien and MC’s relationship up to present day, explaining why they have never been more than friends. I thought this would be the last part, but I’m not sure now based on the way I ended it. Parts 1-5 are linked below

Tag List: @lizeboredom @hhiggs

Part 1: For Safety | Part 2: Man of the Hour | Part 3: Sticky Situation

Part 4: Betrayal | Part 5: Bad Decisions

Kai woke up after her drunken night out with a wicked hangover. Her memory was spotty, but the details started slowly coming back as she sat and sipped her coffee. Oh god, I want to crawl in a hole and die, she thought.

Nadia walked out of the bathroom all dressed and ready for the day, looking like her typical perky self. “Look who’s finally awake! You had quite an interesting night last night.”

“Please don’t remind me. Playing it over in my mind is bad enough. But as strange as it may seem, I think it was good for me.”

“Oh?” Nadia waited for Kai to elaborate.

“I’m not sure exactly what did it, but I feel different today. I’m ready to take back control of my life and move on. I’m on track for a promotion at the ad agency, I have the best roommate in the world, and I live in a city full of possibilities. What more could I need?

"What about Damien?” Nadia asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You haven’t really resolved things with him yet, have you?”

“I did drunk text him last him last night if that counts for anything,” Kai admitted.

“I know,” Nadia replied. “He texted me after to make sure you were okay.”

“Oh no, what did you tell him?”

“Well I didn’t tell him you nearly banged a random guy in a bathroom, but I did say he was helpful in keeping you from making a regrettable decision.”

“Nadia! First of all, I told you we were never to bring that up again. Secondly, you better hope he never makes me explain what you meant.”

“Does that mean you forgive him and we can all be best friends again?” Nadia asked hopefully.

“I wouldn’t go that far yet, but I am ready to talk things out with him.”

=====

Damien was a little surprised to get a text already the next morning from Kai. She wanted to get together to discuss everything. Damien was out of town visiting family for the weekend, and then they were both swamped at work during the week, so they decided Friday night would be best. As it turned out, Nadia had a date with the guy she met at the club when she and Kai and went out, so it would just be him and Kai. He was both nervous and happy about this. They wouldn’t have Nadia as a mediator, but it was probably for the best that it was just the two of them in the conversation.

Damien picked up Thai food from Bangkok House on the way. He knew that always helped make Kai happy. As he knocked on her door, he felt almost as anxious as the first time.

=====

“Hey Damien.” He looked so cute and he brought food. It would be hard for Kai to stay mad at him. “Thinking you can bring my favorite food and all will be forgiven?”

“Damn, is my plan that transparent?” Damien smiled shyly and Kai melted little more.

“Well it’s working a little, but we still need to talk. Let’s eat and then we’ll get to the tough part.” Kai sat down at the table and Damien followed.

After too much food and a glass of wine. Kai was ready. “So Damien, I just want to say-”

“No please let me go first. I should have trusted you from the start and come to you right away when I thought something was up.”

“As hard as it is for me to admit Damien, you did have a point about wanting to gather evidence first. I might have gotten angry at you just for questioning Kyle’s loyalty. And had you been wrong, I would have been mad you got me worried for nothing. Can we both agree there was no easy answer? It was all too much to handle, and I lashed out at you. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks Kai. I’m sorry too. Does this mean we are friends again? Because I really missed you too.”

“Oh, sorry about the drunk texting at 2am. But at least it helped us get back here. I’m not going to let anything get in the way of our friendship again.”

=====

“Oh, great….” Kai rolled her eyes and held up the invitation for Nadia to read. “Stacy Peters is getting married.”

Stacy and Kai had been sorority sisters in college. They were friends but there was always an unspoken rivalry between them in everything they did. Now Stacey was getting married and all Kai had was a failed engagement nearly a year ago. Of course Kai had a lot of other good things going for her, but she was not looking forward to comments about Kyle, or the hundreds of times she was sure to be asked if she was dating someone new.

Kai joked to Nadia, “I think I need to hire a fake boyfriend for the wedding like they do in the movies.”

“I know you were mostly joking, but I think I know someone who would be willing to play that role for free. He might not even have to fake it.”

“Nadia if you are talking about Damien, we are, and always will be, just friends. But…I might just be desperate enough to ask him.”

Kai would be lying to herself if she said there weren’t still feelings there. But after everything she went through, and they went through, she wasn’t willing to lose Damien’s friendship again if things didn’t work out. She could ask Damien to do this though. He could be her totally platonic buffer from unwanted personal questions.

=====

Damien couldn’t believe he agreed to be Kai’s fake wedding date. Well that was a lie. He would do just about anything for her; He even bought a new suit to look the part. But big fancy weddings were just not his thing. Getting to spend time alone with Kai would be the only thing that made it tolerable.

Damien and Kai arrived at the hotel to check in and get ready for the wedding. They had booked one room since they were pretending to be a couple, but that wouldn’t be a big deal since there were two beds.

“Hi, can I have the last names on the reservation?” The hotel clerk asked.

“Park and Nazario,” Kai replied.

The clerk typed in the names. “Oh, it looks like you booked a double queen room, but all we have left is single king beds. Will that be all right?”

“Well this is looking more and more like a cliché romantic comedy by the minute. Are you sure Nadia didn’t set this up?” Damien quipped sarcastically.

“Damien! Kai hit him playfully and then turn to the clerk. “Yes, my boyfriend and I are fine sharing a bed.”

Damien knew Kai was just putting on a show, but hearing her call him her boyfriend gave him butterflies in his stomach. This wedding was a bad idea. He was going to slip and let his feelings show soon if he wasn’t more careful.

Once in the hotel room, Kai retreated to the bathroom to get ready and Damien got dressed in the room. After a while Kai called to Damien, “Can you help zip up my dress?”

She walked out the bathroom door and Damien was in awe. Kai looked stunning. She was wearing a fitted deep red dress with a lace overlay and plunging neckline. It looked like it was made for her. He tentatively placed his left hand on the small of her back and zipped up her dress with care. He was close enough to smell her hair, and her scent was intoxicating. He thought he heard her breath quicken, but he was probably just imagining it. “Wow, you friends are all going to wonder how I ever snagged a woman like you. You look great.”

“I don’t know Damien. I could say the same about you. That suit fits you like a glove. I think we make a pretty good looking fake couple.”

=====

Kai could still feel the ghost of Damien’s touch on her lower back as they walked to the ceremony. Why did such an innocent touch affect her so much?

The ceremony was a bore, but at least it was short. The reception had an open bar. Maybe she would be able to get Damien on the dance floor tonight. “How many drinks will it take to get you dancing Damien?”

“I’m not sure if I have ever had enough to find out.”

“Well, couples usually dance at weddings. You might have no choice.”

Damien smirked at Kai. “I feel like I’m being conned here, but whatever you say babe.”

Kai’s cheeks started to flush a bit when Damien called her babe. Luckily, Stacy and her new husband Andrew walked up just then. “Congratulations Stacy! And nice to meet you Andrew,” Kai said as she hugged Stacy and shook Andrews hand.

“It’s been too long Kai. I’m so glad you could make it. And this must be your plus one.” Stacy studied Damien from head to toe. He’s cute. I approve.”

Kai laughed. “Yes this is Damien. He’s my trophy boyfriend. I keep him around because he makes me look good. It was Kai’s turn to make Damien blush as his cheeks turned bright red.

“Okay ladies, enough about me. I’m sure Stacy and Andrew have more people to greet.”

Kai and Damien got a couple more drinks and had fun talking and making fun of the probably expensive but completely gaudy wedding décor. By some twist of fate, Kai caught the bouquet and Damien caught the garter. Not only would Damien be forced to dance with her, but they would have the solo spotlight with everyone watching. Well, Kai tried hard for the bouquet, but the garter basically fell into Damien’s lap.

“Of course they chose to do this cheesy and outdated wedding tradition. I would say you orchestrated this whole thing, but I don’t even know how you could. Guess I just have bad luck.” Damien shook his head.

“Hey now, is dancing with me really that bad?”

“Kai, I know you are trying to impress your friends. Dancing with me will probably have the opposite effect.”

“Nonsense. Let’s go.”

“A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri started to play. “I think that means we should start dancing now Damien.” Kai put her arms around Damien’s shoulders. Damien awkwardly put his hands on Kai’s hips. It was if he was afraid to touch her.

“Damien, you can get a little closer than that.” He inched closer to Kai. It was an improvement, but still a bit like two seventh graders at their first school dance. Kai didn’t want to keep nagging him so they danced that way for a while, but she couldn’t take the awkwardness anymore.

“Seriously Damien, it looks more like I’m being forced to dance with my bother at a family wedding than dancing with my boyfriend.”

In one swift motion, Damien pulled Kai’s body tight against his. He leaned in and whispered in a husky voice, “Would your brother do this?” Before Kai knew what was happening, Damien’s lips came crashing down on hers, his hands twining in her hair. She stood stunned and motionless at first but then kissed him back with equal passion. The kiss ignited a fire through her body like she had never felt before. It seemed like minutes passed before they pulled away breathlessly. The song ended at that moment and Kai stood speechless.

Damien gazed into Kai’s eyes intently, his emotions difficult to discern. “If they weren’t convinced before, they definitely are now. If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the restroom,” Damien walked away and left Kai alone to process what had just happened.”

#perfect match #playchoices #damien nazario #damien x mc #my fic

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nikky-the-writer · 7 years

Text

More than friends

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

Hvitserk x Reader, Ivar x Reader

Masterlist

A/N: Thank you for reading this story there is only one part left after this one!!! 😊

Summary: AU

Reader and Hvitserk are friends with benefits and they are both alright with that, but things will start to change when Ivar moves in with them.

Warning: cursing

˝No...˝, you looked at him suspiciously ˝...that’s not possible.˝ You furrowed your brows not believing him. ˝It is.˝ He insisted. ˝Halfdan, that is just not possible. ˝ You sat on the couch with Halfdan while Floki and Helga were in the kitchen. You took your vacations days and luckily Floki offered you to stay with him. Just a few days after, Halfdan and his brother came to visit. ˝Yes it is. I have pictures.˝ He started pulling his phone out and you laughed at him.

˝Even Harald is laughing at you.˝ You dramatically moved your hand in the direction where his brother was sitting. ˝You have to admit it, for a second you believed me.˝ He moved on the couch closer to you with a smug smile on his face. You suspiciously observed him not saying anything. ˝You totally believed me.˝ He triumphantly bumped the air with his fist still smiling. ˝You are a moron. I didn’t fall for that. Firstly, you are afraid of water and secondly, you would never survive surrounded by sharks. Your ego must be huge to make up those stories. ˝Well, you know him Y/N, he will never change.˝ Harald said tapping the place next to him on the sofa for you to join him. ˝Now I’ll show you real photos from our trip and not photoshopped pictures that my brother has.˝ You sat next to him on the larger sofa. You felt comfortable with him. Both of them were like crazy uncles to you. Even as a kid you would rarely see them, but when they would come, they would bring you gifts and stories. As a kid, you loved Halfdan's stories more, but as you grow up you realized that his stories are not that believable anymore. So every time when they would leave overseas you would give Halfdan list of the things he has to do. One of that thing was to swim with sharks but without safety cage, just him and sharks. ˝Was it fun in Scotland?˝ ˝It was cold.˝ Halfdan came closer to you two placing his phone on the small table in front of him. ˝What? That’s it? It was cold.˝ You asked over dramatically staring at Halfdan not breaking the eye contact. ˝Yeah, just cold.˝ Halfdan stares back at you continuing your staredown. ˝Have you met anyone?˝ You feel Harald's arms shaking with laughter at you two. ˝Just coldness.˝ ˝Oh that’s a nice name. I bet you wormed her heart.˝ You winked at him playfully. ˝Oh you bet I did. She melted right through my fingers.˝ At his statement, you drop your shoulders. ˝We were describing coldness not the ice, you idiot. You lose.˝ You pulled the pillow from between Harald's back and sofa throwing it straight into Halfdan’s face. ˝Alright children, stop it.˝ Floki said carrying mugs with hot chocolate for everyone. You smiled. ˝Ohh, just like when we were kids.˝ ˝You still are.˝ Helga said sitting down beside Halfdan. You took one mug and gave it to Harald and you took one for yourself. During the conversation, as time went by you were getting sleepy and finally, you fell asleep against Harald's shoulder.

˝When will she talk to boys?˝ Harald asked silently not wanting to wake you up. ˝I don’t know. It’s been four days.˝ Floki shrugged his shoulders watching you as you slept so peacefully. He was happy for that. He could still remember time after you were attacked. You couldn’t sleep, you would wake up every few minutes screaming and shaking. He was finally grateful that you moved past that horrible time, at least he hoped you did. ˝Should we do something?˝ Halfdan asked nobody particular. ˝I don’t know. They are all pretty messed up. When I came to visit I saw only Ivar and he looked horrible.˝ Harald lowered his head gently moving his fingers through your hair. ˝What about Hvitserk?˝ Floki asked worriedly knowing that Hvitserk hasn’t shown up at work since the fight. ˝I don’t think he was there, but Ivar….he was crushed, he didn’t even use his crutches he just dragged his body around.˝ Harald said. He and his brother didn’t know about what you had a fight, but they didn’t even ask respecting your privacy. If you wanted them to know you would tell them. ˝Poor kids.˝ Helga exhaled standing up. She asked Harald to take you to the bed. She didn’t want to listen to their conversation anymore. She laid next to you keeping her hands around you. Helga was very emotional especially when it was about you. She formed a bond with you when you were just a baby. Before you were born a few years back she lost her daughter and you were the closest that she ever got to be a mother. She couldn’t watch her daughter grow up so she watched you. To you, she was more of a mother than your real one so it crushed her when you barely kept contact with her and Floki after you left. She wasn’t aware of what happened at first, but one night Floki broke down confessing everything to her. It hurt her almost the same as the day when she lost her daughter.

You were lying awake for hours in an empty bed. Helga already brought you something to eat even before you woke up, but you couldn’t eat. You rolled around in the bed gripping the sheets in frustration. Closing your eyes a few times you hoped you would wake up somewhere else. Actually not somewhere else, but in somebody's arms. ˝Y/N˝, you heard Helga’s voice and you lifted yourself from the bed. Walking into the kitchen you found yourself face to face with her. She was making breakfast. ˝I made you waffles.˝ ˝You already brought me breakfast.˝ You weren't in the mood to eat ˝But you didn’t eat it, did you?˝ ˝Nop.˝ You said placing plates on the table. Everyone should be awake in a few minutes because Helga headed towards bedrooms. Just as you sat down there was a knock at the door. You waited for a few minutes hoping that Helga will open it, but when she didn’t arrive you opened the door. ˝Ivar?˝

You weren't mad at Hvitserk or at Ivar, but only at yourself. You lied many times to Hvitserk telling him that you were alright. You put a fake smile too many times that sometimes it even looked like your genuine smile. For years you thought that you could get over what happened, you wanted to, but it felt like something was pulling you back to that time. You even convinced yourself that Hvitserk is holding you back as the only connection to your past. You were afraid of the world and scared of a human touch. One day you found yourself packing your bags, but you were too slow. That day was the day when Hvitserk showed you how it feels to be loved by someone in a completely different way than you ever knew. He was your rock, rock that you tried to brake so many times so that you would finally be left alone. So, that there wouldn’t be anyone when you try to let yourself go. But Hvitserk never left or let you leave. He kept your head above the water even when you begged him to let you drown, especially then. He would let the water to take him if that meant you were safe. What happened to you haven't left just one victim behind it left two. And all this time you never let Hvitserk cry, you would if it was your decision, but he always felt like he has to protect you. You knew what he did for you risking his freedom. He could’ve ended up in jail for what he did, but he still did it for you. You were grateful, but today you were just mad because you wanted him to let himself cry. You wanted him to let you hold him. You were hurt and in the process of getting better, you hurt the people who care for you the most. You abandoned them. You abandoned Floki and Helga who were like parents to you, you abandoned Ivar your friend and your crush, the same as you abandoned Halfdan and Harland who were always nice to you promising to you that one day when you will be old enough they will take you with them to see the world. Those people weren't the only ones that you abandoned, Hvitserk was one of them and maybe it was finally time for you to come home.

Thank you all for reading!!! 😊 Tell me if you want to be tagged in the final part

@camely09 , @skeletoresinthebasement, @zadyalyss, @alphabet-baby, @som3thingcr3ative, @sweetvengeancee, @no-fate-but-what-we-make, @asenseofadventure, @human-dorito, @ally22042000, @haukrhjarta, @irishhiggins, @tinymoonshine, @alwaysandforeverfangirl,

@seremedyxiii, @radi0active-thoughts, @ballerinafairyprincess, @titty-teetee, @unicorntrooper,

#ivar x reader #ivar the boneless #hvitserk x reader #hvitserk imagine #ivar's heathen army #ivar imagine #ivar the boneless imagine #vikings imagine #vikings x reader #vikings

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i-just-love-writing-crap · 7 years

Text

Catching Murphy, Part 4

Warnings: Swearing, possible nsfw content Word Count: About 3338 Summary: You, Miss (y/n) (y/l/n), had a crush on Connor Murphy for years, from a distance of course. You had always been too shy to approach him, and the fact around school that he was an aggressive stoner caused you to become even more shy. One day, in history class, your teacher decided to assign a project and assigned everyone a partner—you and Connor were partnered together. Could you two grow close during the project and remain close? Or will Connor go back to ignoring you after the project comes to a close? A/N: I apologize if Connor is a biiiiit OOC… ;-; Obviously takes place in an AU where Connor is alive Masterlist Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

LAST TIME:

You hesitantly took the joint and brought it up to your lips. A thought crossed your mind: This is kinda like indirectly kissing Connor Murphy!! That thought had your breath catching in your throat and your heart skipped a beat. Again, not even 24 hours ago you would not have even dreamed that a situation like this was remotely feasible—yet here you are about to get an indirect kiss from Connor. Because of a fucking joint. Your body started shaking out of both nervousness and embarrassment? Could you actually do this? Take the hit, take the indirect kiss, and not do something stupid like blurting out something along the lines of your feelings?

No, getting high isn’t like getting drunk… right? you thought to yourself. Might as well do it and see. Let’s see if I, (y/n) (y/l/n), can handle an indirect kiss from C-Connor…

The joint touched your lips and you, no holds barred, took in the deepest breath. Connor’s eyes widened at how big a hit you just took. “Wow, calm down, you fucking dork. That’s way to big a hit for a newbie like you!” he exclaimed.

You knew that holding in and/or swallowing a hit was supposed to get you higher than just immediately breathing out, so you did just that. Your body immediately rejected the smoke, causing you to cough. Not that slight cough, oh no, you doubled over, hacking up a lung coughing. You fell back onto Connor’s bed, your head actually fell onto his stomach and your eyes focused on the ceiling. He had taken the joint from your hands as you started your coughing fit. Connor grabbed the water you had brought for yourself and handed it to you. He told you to drink some water and you listened to him, you sat up and gulped down some water, biting back more coughs. When you were done with drinking for the moment, you sat down the glass and laid back down, resting your head on Connor’s stomach. “Hope you don’t mind,” you said, looking up at him.

He shrugged and answered, “I don’t really have a fucking option. My bed would be the best place to chill while you’re high. Now, if you get really fucking annoying, I will shove your fat-ass onto the floor.”

Laughing, you answered, “I won’t be annoying, Con!”

“I don’t know how you are high, dork, you’ve never been high. And your dumbass decides to take a huge hit like you did,” he sighed, “you’re probably gonna get really annoying.”

You only shrugged and stared at the ceiling fan spinning above you. All of the sudden, every moment you made felt slowed and your nerves felt fried. Your mind felt hazily and buzzing. A smile made itself across your lips, a large, shit-eating grin. Connor offered you another high and you shook your head, “Nah… I’m good… you take the rest…” you said, your voice lower in pitch.

Connor laughed a bit at you and said, “Okay. You doing o-fucking-kay, dork?” He then took another hit after saying that.

“Yeah, I think I am. I feel really… relaxed…? And incredibly happy? Like, it makes me happy doing this with you, Connor. I-I mean, can you believe it—Connor Murphy, the really attractive, really aggressive stoner and me, (y/n) (y/l/n), the teacher’s pet getting high together? I never even thought that I would ever have the guts to talk to you; you seemed so distant all the time, and it made me really shy. A-and I’m already hella shy to begin with,” you began rambling.

“You think I’m attractive?” he asked.

You looked up at him and said, “Yeah. Is that even a question, Connor? I’ve always find you really attractive, all high school I’ve wanted to approach you, but I haven’t built up the confidence to do so.”

Connor looked down at you with raised eyebrows. He was surprised that you would find him attractive, that anyone would find him attractive in the slightest. In fact, he couldn’t believe you found him attractive. “No way you find me attractive,” he said, almost in a pouty voice.

You rolled over onto your side, your face and body facing him, and looked at him. “I do, Murphy. Seeing being so lonely around school makes me just wanna hug you and love you. Because you need it!”

Connor rolled his eyes. “You’re so fucking dumb,” he laughed.

“That’s a lie. I’m really smart, Con. I am the teacher’s pet for every teacher I have had. Plus, I just singlehandedly finished our history project. So you take that back.”

“You’re book-smart, not smart in everything else.”

You laughed and closed your eyes, “Be that as it may, now that we know each other, we can help each other get smart in every way. If you wanna, Con. If not, oh well, more for me. I can always go get Jared Kleinman to help me out.”

That made Connor laugh, “You seriously think Jared could help you with anything?”

“Well, yeah? Isn’t a sex fiend or something?”

“So all you want to learn is sexual stuff?” he asked with a smirk.

Shrugging, you answered, “Not really. I wanna learn a ton of stuff! But I’m still just a virgin in everything, really. Don’t I have to be… devirginized or some shit?”

Connor raised his eyebrows and asked, “Well, you’ve smoked weed for the first time now, what else is there?”

“Getting drunk and having sex. BIG MILESTONES that I have yet to experience,” you laughed out.

“You haven’t had sex?” he asked.

You looked directly into his eyes and you shook your head, answering him, “It’s obvious that I haven’t had sex yet? Firstly, who the fuck would have sex with the teacher’s pet? Secondly, I’ve always been too shy to talk to guys, meaning the only people I associate with are cunts—I’m sorry, I mean girls. Does that answer your question?”

Connor hummed and said, “Well, I can easily fucking rectify the whole you being a virgin thing, if you want?”

It only took a second for your frazzled brain to understand what he had just said. You shot up, sitting on the edge of his bed. “WHAAA?!” you exclaimed, “Did you, Connor fucking Murphy, just suggest that we have sex while we’re high? And what’s worse is that we don’t know each other! Con, are you being fucking serious?”

He laughed and answered you, “Yeah, I’m fucking serious. Unless you wanna have sex when we get kind of drunk. Which we are definitely doing at some point.”

Sitting there, you gaped at Connor and his offer. “B-but… a-aren’t you a virgin, t-too?”

“God no, I lost my virginity to a female drug dealer about freshman year. I still occasionally have sex with that dealer, but that’s only when I have no money and need weed,” he answered.

“Wow, I didn’t know that stuff,” you said. But, taking in his offer, you think long and hard. Even though you were high, you didn’t want to just give your virginity to your crush without getting to know him really well. Because you still kind of wanted to try to be more with Connor Murphy than just a fuck, since that was what you wanted since seventh grade. “Maaybe we could get to know each other more? Before we jump to having sex? I want to know the person I lose it too, if you can understand that. It’s really nice of you to offer right now, but I can’t, in good conscious, have sex with you without getting to know you better. After that, I guess we can be friends with benefits, if you want?”

“Oh my god,” Connor laughed, “you really are a fucking dork, (y/n)!”

You pouted and crossed your arms. “What? Is there something bad about wanting to get to know the person I could possibly fuck?”

“I guess if I want your virginity, I have no fucking choice,” Connor said with a shrug. “But don’t expect me to be any different to you at school.”

“Oh, I don’t. But I do want you to introduce me to your friends, Evan Hansen and Jared Kleinman. Just so I have more friends that are guys.”

“They aren’t even my friends,” he lied.

“You can’t lie to me, Connor. I see you three talking at school, I know you’re friends.”

“Whatever. You’re an idiot, you have a class with Evan. You just never noticed because he’s such a quiet moron,” he said.

You blinked, “Really? I do? What class?”

“English. I only know because that doofus always tries getting me to talk to you, saying how you seem like a nice girl who could get me to change my act. That baby-face always tells me how bright your smile is, and how cute you are when you’re animated about something.”

You blinked again, unable to believe what you were being told, “Really? Evan payed that much attention to me, for you?”

Rolling his eyes, Connor answered, “I fucking guess so. I told him I didn’t fucking care. I didn’t want a relationship with some dork who’s known around school as a teacher’s pet—especially one who I know from history class and seems like she knows everything.”

“You really thought that about me, Con? Just because I was so shy?” you laughed.

“I thought you didn’t really talk to guys because you thought you were better than us,” he shrugged.

“Oh my god, NO! I just got too shy when I even thought about talking to guys. I got anxious that I’d say something dumb or come across as being a bitch. And I just wanna be friends with guys, I’m sick of being friends with only girls.”

Connor smiled, “You dumb ass, you don’t come off as a bitch. You’re really interesting, especially when you talk about Ancient Egyptian history.”

You blushed, “Thanks, Con. I’m really passionate about Ancient Egypt. Been interested in it since I was young. Remember that movie with Brendon Fraser and Rachel Weisz? The Mummy and The Mummy Returns? Yeah, well those were my inspiration and sparked my love of the Ancient Egyptians. And it worries me how bad off modern Egyptians are, too.”

An hour passed and you and Connor stared talking about your home life. It was you who brought it up, asking him why him and his family don’t get along anymore, and you opened the can of worms. Connor went on and on about how his parents thought and treated him like lost cause, like he couldn’t be any different—which really pissed him off. Like, who’s parents just give up on their child who has issues like “Oh no, you’re not worth it, you’ll never get better, there is no point in even trying”?

“I’m sorry about that, Con. That’s terrible. I can assume Zoe’s no better, right? She just feeds them this ‘you’ll never get better’ shit, right?”

“EXACTLY! She’s a bitch who can’t be on my side even once!”

You sighed, “That’s gotta be rough. Having your whole family against you. I can’t imagine what that’s like.”

Yet another hour passed and you two were talking about even more things. This time, it was mainly you opening up about just how inexperienced you truly were. “Like, Connor, I have never kissed a guy before. Never made out with anyone. Never had someone tell me I’m beautiful… that I’m worth anything but my mother. All I have is friends who have tried to get me to talk to the guy I’ve crushed on since seventh grade, and even they don’t call me beautiful. I’m just pretty to them. I-I am scared that my chub will scare away anybody that might possibly like me. I-I’m just a chubby nerd who’s a nobody… nobody will ever wanna be with me.”

You didn’t realize how your breath got short and you started to have a bad trip. Suddenly there were voices in your ear, laughing at you.

“You’re so fat, (y/n). They should change your name to Fatty.”

“You’ll die alone. Don’t try and fight it, fat-ass!”

“How could you even think that you had a chance with Connor Murphy? Fatty having a chance, hell fucking no.”

You combed a shaky hand through your hair and you laughed mirthlessly. Everything is gonna be fine, me. Get a grip. I’m starting to give myself a bad trip, you thought to yourself. “L-like, can you see someone being with me, Connor? Be honest,” you said, not knowing how your voice broke.

Connor noticed what was happening to you and he sat up beside you. “Hey, hey, (y/n), don’t be so hard on yourself. Chub is never really a big deal. You just gotta… kinda own it, you know? So what if you have a bit of fucking chub. It adds fucking charm.”

“You’re just saying that. Chub doesn’t add charm! All it does is give bullies a chance to bully me for no reason! I’m gross and again, I’m a teacher’s pet! I don’t know how to live! I’m always so shy and tense about everything,” you started freaking out. “I-I’m gonna die a lonely old virgin! WHO LIVES WITH WAY TOO MANY CATS!! I’m gonna die never knowing the embrace of a man! Knowing the feeling of my crush’s lips against mine! All because I’m too goddamn scared to tell him anything!”

“I’m sure if you fucking talk to him, he wi—”

“No!” you snapped, “No he won’t understand shit, Connor! He’s such a fucking loner, he would’ve barely noticed me if we hadn’t been forced to do something in a class we share! And even then I still get really fucking anxious talking to him, I get worried I will blurt out my feelings and the he will find me weird and just ignore me for the rest of my life! I want him in my life, Connor. I have loved him from afar for SIX fucking years and never once have I talked to him until literally 12 hours ago!”

“Fucking talk to him, (y/n)! Look, I’m not the one who can say shit, I barely talk to anybody about how I feel, why the hell do you think I smoke as much as I do? But, holy fuck, you need to tell the guy how you feel for shit’s sake! And for the record, you’re really letting go for the little teacher’s pet you are.” He pushed himself off of his bed and added, “Now, I’m going to get you some more water. Okay?”

You looked at him and nodded, “O-okay…”

Connor left is room, with your glass in his hands. “Oh my god, I didn’t know how much shit she had pent up. I wish there was a way to help her get her good trip back, but she may be too far gone on the bad track for me to help her back. Fucking dumbass,” he mumbled to himself.

He never thought that at the beginning of the day that he would she the school’s teacher’s pet getting so high that she was no longer relaxed—and in fact was going on a bad trip. He combed a hand through his long hair as he refilled your water. “She’s a fucking idiot. She shouldn’t’ve taken such a big hit. God, she’s probably asleep in my bed right now,” he said to himself.

His parents had gotten home a while ago and since fixed themselves dinner. He opted to stay upstairs with you, because you were so high you really shouldn’t be shown to the public right now. Connor sighed and decided to head back upstairs to his bedroom, where, like he said, you were probably passed out in his bed. You were pretty high and really needed to sleep off some of said high. It was already 7:30-ish and he was pretty sure that your mother would not let you stay at his house for the night because you got so high.

Sure enough you were in his bed, curled up under his covers. You were reveling in his scent, the smell bringing you out of your anxious state and chilling you out. “It smells so nice,” you muttered to yourself. You were surprised that the smell of you crush would chill you out so much, but it sure did.

“If only I could fucking tell Connor how I feel it would be so much fucking easier! I could finally get the kiss I’ve always wanted from him,” you said silently. As you took in a deep breath of Connor’s scent, you relaxed into his bed even more.

You closed your eyes and just imagined what it would be like if you could tell Connor how you felt. ”Connor Murphy, I like you… and have had a crush on you since seventh grade. If it’s not too much to ask, do you think we could try I dunno… going on a date?” You sighed and said aloud, “Yeah, if only it was that easy…”

“If only what was that easy, you dork?” came Connor’s voice as he entered the bedroom. “Is my fucking bed comfy enough for you?” Connor asked as he neared his bed.

You nodded and covered your lower face with his comforter. “It is… it smells like you, and it, for some reason, relaxed me.”

“So, you’re not tweaking out? No more freaking out?”

Shaking your head, you answered, “Nope. Not anymore.”

“Thank fucking God!” he exclaimed in relieve as he sat down on the bed. “You coming down, Dorkarella?”

“I dunno… maybe?”

“Well, can I at least lay in my own bed?”

“Y-yeah! I don’t mind,” you said and made room for him in his bed. You blushed as he slipped into the bed beside you. You wouldn’t mind spending the night here, beside your crush. In fact, that’s really what you wanted to do. Closing your eyes, you sighed out in content.

Connor looked at you and just shrugged. She’s being a fucking dork again, he thought to himself. He watched the ceiling and was calm until he felt you snuggle up to him, then his eyes went wide and he almost choked on his spit when he heard you say his name? In your sleep?! There was no way you had fallen asleep that fast.

What was happening in your sleep that made you say Connor’s name?

TAGS: @defenestrate-yourself-please @saturdayschilddrivesmewild

I HAD TOO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS PART! If I didn’t cut myself off, it would’ve been so much longer and I gotta do something for my mom real quick.

#connor murphy x reader #connor murphy #connor murphy imagine #dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen x reader #evan hansen #evan hansen imagine #jared kleinman #zoe murphy #deh imagine #deh

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tristan-david-liffen · 7 years

Text

The first chapter of a book that i am writing, I know not a lot of people will probably see this but i might as well post it. I’m working on the title, but at the moment i have an idea of it being ‘Stars within the lost and the found’ or ‘Missing Stars’

`-Chapter one-

Sadness Begins

-Tyler-

So, I’m looking out my window at the world and all I can see is sadness, and I can’t help but wonder why, why can’t I see happiness? The happiness that everyone else sees or the reasons to go outside that someone else can see, as I can’t see any and I don’t know if that makes me a freak or not but it definitely means I’m not normal.

I should probably introduce myself, my name is Tyler, Tyler Livermore if you really want to know my last name. I’m British, but I’ve been brought up in America, which isn’t that bad when you think about it. Meaning, yeah there’s a lot more crime out here than there is back in Britain but, There’s way more space out here. It’s interesting to just go wandering as you might find something you haven’t seen before. One thing that isn’t good though, is that I haven’t seen my best friend since I was 9. Oh, by the way I’m 14. Born on the 24th February, 2002. So, with that information you’ll know it’s the year 2016 in the present time.

Anyway, my best friend’s name is Sam. Now, Sam was a lively person to be around and with her I always used to feel like I fitted in. I could be happy and creative and actually imagine things. The last day we had together we hid under her bed as we didn’t want to be apart from each other. Ha-ha, yeah that was the last time anyone actually felt the need to be around me, as much as Sam did anyway.

It’s been 5 years, yet I can’t forget about her, I think of her occasionally; wondering what she was doing and who she was with. Even thinking about if she even remembers who I am or what I look like. Sam’s probably changed a lot, I haven’t really though, I still have the same haircut as I had back when we spent time together, my face still practically looks the same apart from a few spots, which is to be expected I suppose. My body is slightly thinner and obviously taller but it’s not so different that you wouldn’t be able to see that it’s me. I do miss her and my family still have her families phone number, but I can’t ring it. The reason is, That I don’t want to interfere with her newly found Tyler-free Life.

My family don’t bother with me anymore, they barely notice me leaving or entering the house, and when they do all I get is a “How was your day, Tyler?” and a “Have a good night”, then that’s pretty much it for the day.

I only have about two, maybe three friends if I’m lucky that I hang around with at school. First off there’s Hannah, She’s pretty small. She’s the energetic always ready to go somewhere new type of person. Can be annoying at times I suppose, But she’s a good friend and has always been there for me since I’ve been the British outcast in an American society. Secondly there’s Lunar, Weird name I know. He kind of came out of nowhere at the start of term; we started talking and we have a few things in common, Such as we both like the same television shows. Thirdly, on occasions there is Mai, She’s Quite pretty. That’s probably one of the reasons she hardly hangs around with me. She’s popular with girls, just not with guys and I don’t understand that as she’s fucking stunning.

Anyway, back to the present day. Back to my small, crowded window. Looking out at the rain covering the vast country side for miles. My phone vibrates, It’s Katherine.

Now, I haven’t introduced Katherine yet, I’ve know her for about eight months now. We haven’t met, But she’s great. She’s gorgeous and funny and just pretty much unexplainable. We dated for a while near when we first met but it didn’t last as long as we hoped, I would rather not explain why but I don’t hold anything against her, thankfully our friendship strengthened afterwards.

Katherine: How’re ya today?

Tyler: I’m pretty good, thanks. You?

Katherine: I’m as good as I could be yanno?

Unfortunately, I do know. I know what it feels like to just feel like you’re full but not as full as what everyone else is, yet this is still your limit, Not good. Not Bad. Just okay. You know? Just surviving. As if you’re on top of a ledge and you’ve fallen but you’re still holding on, and there’s someone reaching for you and they have enough strength to pull you up but you kind of have the feeling like you just want to let go and splat onto the concrete floor beneath you.

I’m looking out my window into the sad world beneath my feet and I can’t help but think about Sam. Is she thinking what I’m thinking? Is she going through what I am? Is she ‘Okay’ or is she ‘bad’, or maybe even ‘Happy’? I want to know all these things but I can’t call, I just can’t. All I can do is just hope that she is doing good and isn’t even going through 1% of what I am right now.

My phone Buzzes again, This time it’s Lunar.

Lunar: Meet me under the bridge?

Tyler: Yeah sure? Be there in 10 minutes. Anything wrong or just want company?

Lunar: A bit of both.

As I’m approaching the bridge I can see A trail of smoke in the air, Which I can only think is coming from the cigarette that Lunar is probably smoking, Probably his 10th in the past half an hour. I walk under the bridge and to no surprise I see Lunar laying there, with his head peeked just enough over the side so that he can look up at the sky without getting hit with much rain. “Hey, Lunar.” I say, In my quiet yet deep voice.

“Yo, Tyler? You actually came!” He says.

“Of course I did, I wouldn’t miss out on the chance to see the wonderfully amazing chimney like Lunar now, would I?” I Exclaim, trying to sound as excited as I can.

“Ha, Good joke. Anyway I’m glad you came. I was hoping we could talk about the future or the past or just how we’re feeling I guess. Meaning, personally I’m feeling pretty shitty but Not as shitty as before, Adele’s helping a lot, you know?” He says, In a surprisingly cheerful voice.

“The Worldwide famous singer, or your star crossed lover?” I say.

“The second one, idiot. Besides, we aren’t even together.” Says Lunar.

“Well, yeah. But everyone knows you adore her.” I reply, trying to be as polite as possible.

At this moment, Adele appears. She’s not around me much, A lot of reasons why; I suppose. For one I’m known as a freak, Or at the very most and Outcast of society. I don’t usually label myself though, as I change all the time. One thing that doesn’t change, though, is the way I see things. If somethings wrong with the world, I notice it. It’s just a coincidence that there isn’t anything right with the world. There’s bullies, and social groups that people will never ‘Fit’ into to. It’s known as life to every generation that comes into being, but why do we have to live with it? Some people can live with it, Others can’t. Those that can’t don’t survive a very long time, they eventually split right into two. Just so happens, I’m broken. And broken things don’t belong with Perfectly clear, beautifully put together things.

Adele just happens to be one of those people, and I, as an entire being do not belong anywhere near her, so much, that I get completely ditched for her. Lunar and Adele move further down the Underpass of the bridge, Making as much space between me and her as they can. I can’t blame them, most things I go near break too, and the ones that don’t are masterpieces.

Once they stop talking Lunar comes back over to me, acting as if he didn’t leave me alone for more than a second, we carry on talking.

“Hey, Tyler” Says Lunar as he approaches.

“Yeah, What? Something on your mind other than the body of your long-time crush?”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Dickhead. Anyway, I was wondering, is there any girl you’re actually into? As I always see you alone looking over at people, and I can’t always tell if you just want to kill them, or if you want to be like them.”

As soon as he mentions love, I kind of blur myself out of reality. Meaning, of course I’ve had crushes on people, but I’ve never actually dated someone. Apart from Katherine, that is. The thing is, People don’t really count long-distance relationships as something that’s serious. As you either never see each other or only see each other a couple of times a day, it sucks. I see where people come from but I don’t see how it isn’t serious, it’s still a love-like relationship even if you don’t see each other, Most things are over social media these days anyway. Anyway, back to the question at hand. No, I don’t like anyone. Well... I don’t think that I do anyway. I don’t exactly get love, meaning yeah you get to be kissed, hugged and possibly fucked, but it won’t change everything? You may be happy with that person for a little while, but most relationships at the age of 14, The other person (or you) gets bored. I’m not an expert on love or anything but, Love mostly just breaks people from what I’ve seen, well what we call love anyway. I just don’t get it. Do I necessarily need someone to love? Or does it just not matter. Do I need someone to love me? Or can I get by with only myself.

All I manage to say is “No.”

“No?? That’s all you’re giving me? Wow, man you really must have a shit time as being by yourself sucks. I suppose you could just be waiting though.” Says Lunar

“Waiting for what? To be inevitably torn apart? By a person whom I trust and respect? By someone I love? I don’t want that. And I’ll never want that. So have fun in your shitty relationship, fucking the shit out of each other and smoking; Because one day, you’ll be fucking torn apart by that girl you adore so much. She’ll rip that pathetic little heart right out of your body, and boom. You’ll realize that the day you got together was complete and utter suicide. You’re 14. You don’t need to be in love to be happy. As far as I can tell, you have your cigarettes for that, they seem to help you to survive. Keep smoking, yeah it kills you? So what? For the time you’re alive it helps you, and in the end that’s all that really matters. If you manage to survive, or if you’re completely torn apart, as those that are torn apart are just thrown away. And those that are thrown away can’t come back, they just can’t.” I say, Angry.

After I say this, Lunar’s face goes into a completely shocked state. I worry that I’ve done something wrong, but I tell myself that if I didn’t say it now, then whenever I did it would come out worse that what it did now.

“What?” I ask

“God you can be such a cunt sometimes Tyler, I still love you, though.” Replies Lunar, in a Mid toned voice.

After this, he just walks away, and puts his thumb up when he’s just far enough so that I can barely see him. I hope he isn’t pissed off with me, I didn’t mean anything by it. I just get angry, Kids in love just annoy me. Majority of them are talking to other people other than those they are ‘Meant to be with forever.’ Maybe my brain functions differently to everyone else?

It’s 11:00pm, I open my window and climb out of it, stumbling onto the pathway beneath it. It’s cold, I like it. It makes me feel alive. I start running, as far as I can. I want to be as far away as possible, away from everything. I run and I run and I run, until I just stop. I stop, and look up at the sky, the stars are shining brightly tonight. It’s beautiful. Just like you.

-Morning, 7:15am.-

It’s school today, I haven’t slept; nothing new. I hardly sleep, especially on school night. I’m out most of the night. My phone buzzes, and when I look at it, It’s Hannah.

Hannah: You up yet?

Tyler: Well, Yeah. When am I not up at this time?

Hannah: Shut up! You know it’s polite to just ask it, idiot. Did you sleep well?

Tyler: I didn’t sleep, again. When do I ever? How about you? I’m assuming you slept bad because you’re always nervous about the first day back.

Hannah: Yeah, I got about 5 hours sleep. You coming to meet me to walk together or?

Tyler: You do realise that by walking with me you’re immediately labelled as an outcast buddy for the whole year, right?

Hannah: Oh well, I’d rather be your friend than Luke’s.

This is what I like about Hannah, She’s always so laid back. She can just say what she wants, well to me anyway as she knows I wouldn’t ever judge her for it. As for Luke, Who’s mentioned, He’s the High School Jock, you know? The one who’s at the top of everything. Girls find him attractive, the boys find him attractive too. He’s the one that everyone goes after at some point, if they’re in a position to. Hannah was the first girl to last over a month with him. Saying that, he cheated on her for most of it. And of course he asked her for nudes and whatsoever, and of course, being the prick that he is. Luke shows his mates these pictures and that starts another problem in society. The over sexualisation. Luke only spread the pictures as Hannah had the guts to split up with him, and honestly I’m proud of her. Obviously not because of the pictures though. This was one of the key events that started Hannah’s depression stages, where she occasionally feels like she doesn’t want to be alive, and at times; has attempted suicide. Luckily she’s still alive, Bad things have also came from this though. As The one and only Luke stopped her one time, and of course this is more dirt that he has on her. It hadn’t made her unpopular though, the boys and girls of our school still liked her, she just didn’t like them back, eventually she found me, and we started talking. Since that day we have gotten closer and closer.

There’s was one point where me, being the stupid person that I am, attempted to block her out of my life. I told her I was sorry for it, and that I was a prick. She pretty much just agreed and we moved straight on.

There was a day before that though, where I suppose I had a thing for her; she knew I did. After that day ended. We spent the day together, Wandering a Village. It was fun, we stopped at points to rest, and take photos. The scenery was beautiful. On that day, I would have probably said something poetic like “Almost as pretty as her”. Meaning, yeah she’s pretty but I don’t have the fixation on her as I did back then, I pretty much adored her. I was in “love” in a Teenage-I-don’t-give-a-fuck way. We held hands most of that day, I wouldn’t say she was leading me on or anything, but that was probably one of the reason I fell for her so easily. The feeling of an actual person that I “love” and trust against me, I’d never really felt it before. After that day ended; for a couple of weeks it was all I could think about. She was all I could think about. She was in love with another prick, though. I can’t really blame her, meaning I was jealous but just in a protective way. I was glad she was happy. Her happiness spread onto me, But of course… That meant her sadness did too. She often puts herself down and says that no one wants or loves her. If she ever reads this, I want her to know that she is fucking amazing, literally. You’re stunning and deserve to be happy and I’m sorry I’m not always about to tell you who not to get close to, as I know you’ll continue to fall for pricks and I understand why, as in your mind they’re amazing. Much like what you are in mine.

I don’t know how to reply so I just meet her where I usually do, and we walk through our same, boring village and look at our surroundings. The scenery in our village can be pretty, for me I find it better to look at late at night. It’s atmospheric and beautiful, and I wish I could just stay in the moment forever. As me and Hannah are walking to school, she speaks; mostly about how attractive some of the boys at our school are. I tend not to pay attention and when she realises that I’m not, I just start saying something that interests me. The particular Phrase this morning is “Everything that fly’s, either lands, crashes; or ultimately disappears.” She doesn’t even understand what it means, so I continue to explain it to her.

“Well, the flying motion can represent happiness. That changes the phrase to ‘Everything that’s ever happy’. Now, when you think of happiness, what do you think of?” I say.

“Death. Sex. Drugs. Boys. Boyfriends. Time with friends. Things along that line, I suppose” Hannah replies.

“Happiness Is something that is acquired differently for everyone, some people’s happiness can be other sadness. Yet the point of the second part of the phrase is that happiness can be safe, and it can last for people. Which is the Landing, as it’s safe and secure. Crashing is a mostly hurtful event, so it’s saying that someone’s happiness could be completely destroyed by another person. Or by themselves; either way they’ve lost it and are most likely going to be sad for a while. Disappearing though, oh god that’s the worst. It just goes, the happiness you had just runs away. You don’t even realise it. All your feelings are just numb, or you literally can’t feel anything for anyone. Your emotions are just gone. You can’t get them back as you don’t know where they’ve gone or how they left. They just did. That’s all you know. They’re gone. You’re left alone, with people around you and the only thing you can do is just live. Just be alive, around everyone else. You have to act normal as you don’t know what happens, so in a way you are lying to everyone. Your smile isn’t a smile anymore. Your tears aren’t because of sadness anymore. Nothing means anything anymore.” I say, trying to sound as if I’m not intelligent, or insane. I usually get called either of those. As apparently I see things in something that isn’t even there. It’s a gift though, really. As what if my eyes are open more than anyone else’s? And I can see more than anyone else.

Hannah doesn’t even reply, she hasn’t ignored me though, either. She’s probably just thinking. Meaning, what I said is kind of deep I guess. She should understand it, she’s one of the minority of people that actually understand most of what I say. It’s not really a good thing though, if I was her I wouldn’t want to understand me.

We continue walking, we’re almost at our school. Hannah just stops. She then walks up to my shoulder, and she’s almost crying. She places her head onto the side of my shoulder, and holds me. She just holds me. I can barely hear her but she says

“Tyler, how are you so smart? It’ll be the death of you, I don’t understand how you can create phrases like that but it means a lot. You’re hurt. I don’t know how but you’re hurt and whenever you’re ready to tell someone. I’m here. I’m always here, even when you can’t feel anything, I feel those emotions for you. I can’t let you go through everything alone. So please, when you’re ready. Tell me.”

Hannah then lift her head up, and I’m looking down at her and all I can see is her cute, little smile. It’s like a ray of happiness, shattering the walls of darkness wrapped around me. I would hold her too, But I don’t really know how to. I attempt to smile; she knows it’s fake but she’s still happy because she knows I’m trying for her.

Once we’re in the school gates, we part ways. Hannah’s in different classes to me. We sometimes see each other at lunch though, if she’s eating with us or just wants to speak. I walk to where I usually go first thing in the morning once I get into school, to visit Lunar. Of course, he’s just smoking outside the school, like he always is. He always misses the first class of the day, every day, I don’t really agree with it but I know it’s his choice and it probably helps in the long run, meaning school does start at 7:35 am. Most people think it’s too early but I don’t really mind it.

I walk up and speak to him, he seems okay. I hope I seem okay, too. I’d hate for anyone to worry about me, I know what it’s like to worry and it’s pretty bad. Especially if you really, really care about the person that you are worrying about. The school bell rings, and I start walking to my Class. I stop. I stop because I see someone, They’re crying. This someone turns out to be Adele. Why would she be crying? I really don’t understand it, but something must have happened as she never cries. Never in public, anyway. I Stroll up to her and ask what’s wrong, she completely shrugs me off. Doesn’t even care that I spent time to speak to her, and see if she was okay.

“For fuck sake just talk to me!” I hear.

It isn’t until Adele stares at me that I realise that I was the one who said it. I didn’t even know I did, and that scares me as I don’t think I wanted to say it. Adele’s always been horrible to me so why should I even care about her? Maybe I should just go get Lunar. He’d know what to do, he’s good around girls. Especially the one he loves.

“Maybe if you shew me you could function in a conversation, I would. Maybe if you shew some concern for me, I would have before. Think about what you say before you fucking say it, cunt.” Adele whimpers at me, in a childlike voice.

“Well, you see Adele, If you shew me that you could be nice to someone who isn’t Lunar then maybe I would speak to you. But for the 7 years that I have known you, the only thing you have ever said is ‘Leave me and Lunar alone for a while, would you, Freak?’ Now, tell me. Does that come off as nasty or nice? “I don’t even listen to her response, I just walk off and shout loud enough for Lunar to hear “Adele’s crying!”. He appears straight away. Luckily, I’m far gone.

I’m late for Class. It feels good though, it’s almost calming. I’m the only person in the corridors. I’m all alone, but I don’t feel lonely. I feel alive. I feel like I’m actually living for once. I love being alone, and this is why. It gives me a sense of freedom, as long as I’m not insanely bored.

We don’t really exist though, do we?

We don’t really matter though, do we?

Every person in the world is as tiny and pathetic as yourself, yet some of them want to live and some of them want to die. The one’s that want to die are the worst and the most selfish.

You

Are

Selfish

#hopeful #Sad #Book #writing #Needopinions #Readthisplease #Depressing #Thoughts

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5hfanfiction · 7 years

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Too Close To Home - Chapter 12

“I know it’s not ideal going here again. You know, considering our last encounter here. And it’s okay if you don’t want to. We can just go back to the hotel or something-”

“Lo.”

“-It’s your birthday so it’s your choice. I don’t mind. I don’t want to do anything against your will. So it’s fine if-”

“Lo.”

“-you wanna go back. Really.. It’s not like I thought this through or-”

“Lauren,” I say firmly, causing her to stop rambling, finally catching her attention. “Breathe,” I say softly, cackling a bit at how nervous she is. Through all of the time we’ve hung out today, she was never uncertain of things. I don’t understand why she’s nervous now.

As she caught her breath, I decided to speak, “I don’t mind going here… Really. I just don’t understand why.”

“Oh, um.. it’s cause I don’t like leaving things on a bad note here. I want to make amends, I guess. You know? Replacing the bad memories by the good ones,” she says, chuckling nervously.

She’s so nervous, it’s comical. I decided to tease her to calm her down. “Who says we’re gonna have a good time now?” I question while smirking.

“Well, umm.. for one, I have sandwiches in the trunk and you never get angry when there’s food.”

True.

“Secondly, we’re better now, considering we spent our day without trying to kill each other.”

“Who says I didn’t want to kill you? I held your hand when I got my tattoo for a reason, Lauren. I wanted to crush your bones so you’ll die. It was the perfect plan, I would have some sort of reason to ‘accidentally’ kill you. But I was too nice and decided to spare your life.. For now. You think I would hold your hand willingly? Such accusations, Lauren,” I huff playfully.

She laughs loudly, her head falling against the steering wheel. Even if it’s probably the lamest joke I’ve ever said, she never fails to make me feel like I’m the funniest person alive.

As she catches her breath, she smiles and says, “Since it’s your birthday, I’ll believe your logic on how crushing a single hand could kill a person. But are you sure you wanna go? It’s really okay if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine.. I kinda understand. I don’t think I wanna leave negative memories here too.”

“Alright then.”

She climbs out, opening the door for me yet again. And although she’s done this a lot of times now, it never fails to make me giddy.

Before we walk to the path we know so well, she opens the trunk to take out a basket and a picnic blanket.

Damn, clearly this doesn’t look like she’s 'not thinking it through.’ But I decided not to tease her with that, it would just make her embarrassed.

We walk to our spot, side by side, kicking the small pebbles softly as we past them.

She places the basket down and spreads the blanket across the sand as we reach our spot. She sits down when everything was done. A wave of nausea hits me. Even if it’s in the afternoon instead of any other time, spring instead of any other season, sun instead of the moon, clothed with a blanket instead of just the sand bed, Lauren would sit on the same damn spot she always sits on.

As she sits, staring at the ocean ahead, I start to picture Lauren who brought me here since the very beginning, then I picture Lauren who was talking animatedly about Luis, then I picture Lauren who was trying to convince me to skinny dip on the empty beach in the middle of a cold night. I picture a confused Lauren way back when I admitted how I felt for her, I picture a Lauren who I brought here for our very first date because we couldn’t be like normal couples. And lastly, I picture a Lauren who broke my heart by saying she regretted that we moved beyond friendship.

I know I shouldn’t think about this. After all, she did say sorry. But then, does an apology actually mean anything? She said it without thinking so she must’ve thought of it before, right? But then.. Lauren’s trying to make an effort and I do want her in my life. So I just shake my thoughts out of my head and sit down beside her.

The wave hitting the banks were the only sound we could listen to for a moment. It’s funny. It sort of reminds me of us. We keep going back and forth with each other just like how the waves are going back and forth against the bed. No matter how hard we try to fight against the wind, the nature only seems to bring us closer together.

I’ve said and convinced myself that I’ve moved on. But now, I’m not so sure anymore. And the crazy part is that in a span of less than 12 hours, she just made me re-question how I feel about her.

I decided to break the silence, “Remember last year when you asked if I’ve ever brought anyone here? I never got the chance to ask you the same thing.”

She turns to me, tilting her head a bit as a sign of curiosity, a soft smile on her lips before answering, “No.”

“Not even Lucy?”

“She doesn’t know about this place,” she answers simply.

“Why not?”

“Just like the reason why you didn’t bring anyone else, didn’t feel right to. Why?”

“Nothing. I just find it weird since she’s your fiancé and everything. It’s odd that you’re keeping this from her.”

“Do you want me to tell her?”

“It’s your choice, I guess. I don’t think we can call it ours anymore.”

“Why not?”

“It doesn’t feel right, I guess. It was ours when we were.. um- together.”

“Right..” she trails off, looking ahead, admiring the view of front of her.

This is actually the first time we mentioned Lucy explicitly. The whole day was just about us. It’s oddly satisfying.

“I’m still not gonna tell her though.” She continues after a while.

I just look at her. Her side view is sculpted so well. The way her jaw clenches from time to time as the sound of waves rings in our ears. How is she even legal to live? She makes all the other girls out to shame, and that’s only by her looks.

Her mind.. That’s something else. That’s something that I can’t put to words. It’s too great that a simple adjective like wonderful cannot justify.

We talk about everything then, chattering aimlessly about what we find interesting. It’s not like the how was your day kind, it’s the type where you talk about what’s going on through our heads, the type where we talk passionately about random things, the type where it’s not personal but in a way, it is, because it’s like being inside someone’s mind.

And this is why I love having Lauren around. We’re so similar. We both love books, we both love music and we both hate Trump. But in a way, we’re so different. We think differently. Yes we both love books, the same genre even, but our interpretation on the books are different. She looks at it in one perspective while I look at it in another. Yes we both love the same type of music, but again, it’s different because it hits us differently, based on our own experiences and views on the song. Yes, we both hate Trump but like, we’re so different in how we react. She reacts aggressively on it, talking about how he’s incompetent to be a leader while I prefer talking about it calmly, spreading love instead of hate.

I’m not saying that her way of thinking is wrong, I actually find it endearing, How she spends her day talking about politics and human rights instead of the next make up product that comes out the next day. After all, she is saying those things because she only wants the best for people.

She doesn’t deserve to be in the entertainment business to be honest. Not because she’s bad at it, but rather because of the way she is. She’s just so intelligent that she shouldn’t be in a world where they just entertain and perform for people. Frankly, we get joked around, dictated whether our dress is the best one or the worst, our personal lives getting tossed around everywhere in social medias, not caring whether it’s an invasion of privacy or not, we get instructed where we go and who we should date. She doesn’t deserve any of this. She deserves much-much better.

She deserves a platform, not a platform where she dances suggestively, but rather a platform where she can speak her mind, a platform where she can express using such complex words, a simple platform where everyone just stops and stare at her, listening to every single word that comes out of her mouth.

I’m surprised she lasted this long though. I’ve always thought that by the time Fifth Harmony hits the 5 year peak, she would quit. But if I think about it, she would’ve if there wasn’t anything that would be holding her back. And that’s Dinah, Ally and Normani.

She’s probably only doing this because she doesn’t want to let them down. They’re all achieving their goals -even if it’s not Lauren’s- together. After all, they are a family.

And I was too, until I decided to quit.

It was selfish, I know it is. Hell, I’ve known since I first thought of it. But it was just too much. Everything I once love was beginning to make me hate it.

And I loathe hate so that says a lot.

“I’m sorry for leaving the group.”

“Huh?”

“I know it’s all of the sudden, considering we were just talking about how education is important, but I never got a chance to apologize to you guys. So yeah, I’m sorry for leaving the group. I’m not sorry for chasing after my dream, but I’m sorry that I left you guys behind.”

She smiles at me, eating a sandwich from the basket as she does so. “It’s okay.”

“Were you ever pissed at me?” I ask shyly, knowing the answer already.

“I mean.. Yeah at first.. I don’t know, when you first said that you were considering it, I was mad, fuming really. I don’t know, I felt like you were giving up on us. We built it together and for you to just leave when we were just starting to get our recognition felt as if you were using us…”

I wanted to stop her by saying that it’s not that, but I decided against it. She’s really talking and I feel like she needed to let this all out.

“… And for months, I kept thinking of why you would do that. Because that wasn’t the Camila I once knew. But I couldn’t ask you, we weren’t talking. We broke up and you hated me, so I didn’t want to add any more fuel to the fire. I thought that even if you quit, the least I could do is make end it on a good note. And I tried. I really did. I tried to bring you down and party with us during the Fourth of July but you turned us down. I sang Dope to you, hoping you would dance with me but instead, you turned the other way. But then, everything turned as October rolled around, you seemed happier. You finally communicated with us and I thought you decided to stay. But when I heard that you terminated the contract, I was shocked. I was so confused, Dinah and Ally were crying, Normani seemed pissed. I was.. impassive. I felt like I was just moving in motion. I didn’t want to believe it. I even went through the 5 stages of grief…”

She stops for a second, taking a shaky breath, looking at the scene in front of us, “The sad part was that you weren’t dead. I was grieving over you but you weren’t dead. You were the opposite of it, you were.. alive. You were everywhere. Everytime I went to instagram, everyone starts commenting 'Camren’ or anything related to you. Every article about you says that you seem to be the happiest than you’ve ever been, that sucked because I felt like we held you down - like I held you down.”

“First, I was in denial, not believing anything the people said. I stopped checking my social medias, knowing that you would be mentioned.”

“Second, I was angry. Just absolutely painstakingly angry, I was pissed that you were selfish, that you were using us, that you didn’t care about us, that you would throw our days together out of the window. I couldn’t exactly be angry at you, so I started being angry at the people around me.”

“Then, I started to bargain. Hoping, praying that you would come back and say that it was a prank.”

“Depression came after I realized that you’re not coming back. I was sad. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t have fun really. I started writing on my journal more than necessary. I actually have more than 20 pages dedicated to you.”

“But at last, I accepted it. When your first single as a solo artist hit the radio, I realized that it wasn’t our fault. It was neither of us. Actually, I was probably more than proud because honestly, I’ve always wanted to leave the group, simply because it’s not my kind of scene. I’m not into fame or anything. But I never took the initiative to actually go through with it. I was too scared. But you did. You are so brave in the things you do Camz. I started to realize that it wasn’t the the girls’ fault, it was Fifth Harmony. Our songs doesn’t make any sense and you didn’t want that. You didn’t want to sing about things you couldn’t relate. And now, look at you, your album is amazing. There are a few of pop songs here and there but it feels like we could finally dive into the mind of Camila Cabello. And you’re happier now. So no, I’m not angry anymore. I’m actually proud of you that you would take the risk of trying it on your own. The world is cruel, so are the people. You’ve gone through hate even before you left, you must’ve gone worse after you did. And there I was pissed that you were selfish when in truth, I was. I wanted you to stay for my own selfish reasons and for that, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t owe me an apology, Lo.” I chucked, trying to ease the mood. It got deeper each second. “Thank you though, I knew that if there was someone who could understand me, it would be you.”

I refrained from saying that another reason for me leaving was because of her. It feels like I would be stepping on the boundaries if I were to mention that I quit because I hated seeing Lauren and Lucy together.

She dug into the picnic basket and took out a wireless speaker. She connected her phone with the speaker and played a playlist that she knows we both love. All of them contained songs that we both listened to back when we were together.

We stayed for another hour or two, talking and sometimes just staring either at each other or at the ocean. Both of them just as beautiful.

It felt like a date, Lucy’s name never came up after that and I couldn’t be more grateful. Again, it’s not that I hate her, it’s just that she has someone that I can’t have.

That is until Lauren’s phone vibrated, indicating that there’s a message.

“Lucy said she’s there already with the other girls, Dinah let them in already. Do you wanna go now?”

“Uhh.. Yeah, sure.”

After packing everything, we walk back to the car sitting idly on the parking lot. We slid into the car and starts driving to my hotel building.

What I can’t seem to understand was that I can see Lauren purposely trying to procrastinate going to the inevitable destination. She’s driving slowly, slower than the drive to the other places. Then, she would intentionally slow down when there’s a traffic light near. Just in time for it to turn yellow. Not only that, I noticed that she’s driving in a longer path, making busy traffic as an excuse not to use the shortcut.

We talk too, and it wasn’t the kind of talk that you force it out because of trying to fill the silence, it went on fluidly, question after question, answer after answer, and we can’t seem to get enough of each other.

Unfortunately, the hotel building came into view, meaning that this is our last chance to be alone together for a while.

The elevator made a ding, indicating that we are at my floor. As I unlock the door with my card, I was greeted by a unison, “Surprise!!”, making me startle unattractively. A huge grin on my face replaced the confused/constipated expression as I realized that the girls planned a surprise party. For me.

But then, overthinking came and I started thinking if Lauren only did what she did to distract me while the others get ready for the party.

I couldn’t rationalize that thought as people started to go around me and hug me one by one, greeting happy birthdays as they go. There were quite a lot of people but my mind couldn’t register the guests since everyone came at once.

I realized that Lauren’s not by my side anymore. I decided to search for her to thank her for a great birthday but stopped once I saw her kissing Lucy lovingly in the corner of the room, smiling as they do so.

Of course, no matter how much fun we had, at the end of the day, Lauren will go to the one person who she loves most. And by looking at them whispering sweet nothings to each other, not caring about the others, the sinking feeling in my stomach makes me want to lock myself in the bathroom and just cry.

But I can’t do that now. It’s my birthday and everyone’s here to celebrate it with me.

It was great - awesome really - while it lasted.

#UPDATE #series #non AU #camren #angst drama #romance fluff #submission #Too Close To Home

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jasonmok · 7 years

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A friend in Chicago brought to my attention $500 round-trip tickets to Paris during November 2016. What better reason to visit Paris than cost alone? McKenzie and her roommate Keirstin would also be going; the role of the 3rd wheel was a muddy one. This would be my first friends-only overseas trip (yea, I’m like 5 years late to growing up).

As a prelude to Paris, McKenzie and I decided to train through Switzerland for a few days. We flew into Geneva and gave it no mind, hopping immediately from plane seat to train seat. The next 4-5 hours we were on rails, each transfer proving to us how on-schedule the transit was. In a world full of uncertainty, messiness, and President Trump, Switzerland’s train system brought peace. Near 11 PM, we reached the town of Wengen in the Lauterbrunnen Valley. No cars are allowed here. The only motors in Wengen are those of the ski lifts, and even those weren’t in motion for our time there. For the next couple of days, we gradually realized that we had come visit during a lull, as most locals were on vacation from serving vacationers. How about that.

We sat our way on trains to the top of Eiger. We window-shopped for watches that cost as much as a human being. We tried traditional fondue and couldn’t appreciate it. We attempted a visit to Jungfraujoch peak only to find the cable car operators were, you guessed it, on vacation. We walked through Lauterbrunnen Valley, the Earth’s version of Heaven.

To round off Switzerland, we then headed Northeast to the small city of Lucerne, where life is a bit less majestic waterfalls and more fax machines and dinner parties. City life never compares to the outdoors, so the next morning we ferried over to Mount Rigi and hiked 4,200+ feet to the kulm like we were sponsored athletes. Climbing that mountain with McKenzie was definitely a Swiss highlight. In the morning we toured 75% of Lucerne in 3 hours then found our seats on yet another train, this time to Paris.

It’s apt that much of the world’s greatest culinary and artistic feats are housed in France. In our brief few days in Paris and Versailles, we did our best to put on our Parisian garb and soak in the different world. l’Orangerie Museum was the most enjoyable, with its focused Monet gallery up top, and a rotating American exhibit in the basement, including a couple Hoppers that I had never seen in person. d’Orsay Museum was the one for the average plebeian, on the display the real-life images we’ve seen in postcards and duplicates around the world. Whistler’s Mother was larger than expected; lovely woman though. Great mother. And the Louvre. Well, the Louvre sucks. I don’t naturally enjoy that era of Italian painting, and the frenzied crowd around Mona (we’re on a first name basis) was the most interesting thing to see in that labyrinth. The courtyard with glass pyramids, however, proved to be the real piece worth seeing at dusk.

Most importantly, Paris had the most delectable chocolate pastries. I now have one more unanswerable life question to add to my list: why can’t everyone make chocolate pastries like they do in Paris? Secondly, I had one of the best meals of my life in Versailles. Best Thanksgiving meal with froie gras, wine, fresh baked bread, and beef bourguignon. I can understand why King Louis XIV wanted to live there. I found Le Sept Restaurant on Trip Advisor with a nondescript listing, only to discover later from the owners (a couple) that their quaint restaurant was consistently booked throughout the day. Oh, and that their restaurant was featured in the NY Times without them knowing, until the NY Times sent them a copy of the article. To top it all off, the husband was one of the nicest guys in all of France (I checked) and he and his wife only started Le Sept a couple years ago after quitting his high-level job at a tech company. What a couple. What royalty.

#switzerland #lauterbrunnen #berneseoberland #swiss #sui #mountains #hiking #travel #thanksgiving #france #paris #versailles #louvre #lorangerie #dorsay #photography

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thesunglassesgamer · 7 years

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The Talk, (Pt 5)

The fifth part of my current project. I hadn’t uploaded in a couple of weeks, so I used this chapter to get back on track, clear the story of any complications, and set the characters off towards a major goal. It’s mostly set-up, but it’s good set-up. Bold is my remarks from fanfiction.net. Comments, reviews, and suggestions are always appreciated. Enjoy!

Sorry for the break, Christmas got me off schedule. I have a better idea of what I want to do with the story now, so hopefully that'll start to show. This will definitely be a long story, and the main challenge will be keeping it on the same track from the beginning to end. So far so good. It wasn't the best idea to add in the Future Kids AU in the middle, but I was already in a story that fit it, and I wanted to write about it anyways, so a separate story with it would feel repetitive. I've set it up so that it should feel smoother from here on out. Enjoy, and please leave your comments below!

"Uh, so, Dad?"

Elizabeth's uncertain voice broke through quiet noises of the forest around them. They'd been walking on a trail that would supposedly lead them to Ludo's cave for the past hour. Early on, Marco had realized that he hadn't asked where the hideout was, and after a brief set of questions, had gotten his bearings. He hadn't talked since then. Both Jam and Elizabeth had wanted to ask about something that had been bugging both, but they were afraid to ask. Their father, or the person who'd eventually grow up to be their father, seemed anxious and fixated on something the entire journey. It was only after the silence had become too much for the young teen that she eventually spoke up.

Her words, however, appeared to have fallen on deaf ears. Marco continued to hike onwards, seemingly not hearing his future daughters words. Elizabeth spoke up, making her voice just a touch louder. "Dad, can we talk?" Marco said nothing. Elizabeth pouted in irritation, then yelled, "Hey, DAD!" The shout finally broke the boy's concentration. He jumped, startled, and almost tripped as he tried to face her.

"What, what, what did I miss?" Marco's voice matched his body: jumpy, distracted, and paranoid. Jam scowled at his half-sister. He'd been brought up to respect his elders. One did not simply yell at their own father unless a crisis was underway.

"That's a bit rude, don't you think?" Jam spat.

Elizabeth looked at him like he had grown a third arm. "The hell are you talking about? You smacked him across the face earlier!"

"So did you." His voice got louder.

"AFTER you did it." Her voice got louder.

"I only did it once, cuz' I never get to. You can't keep being that disrespectful to my father like that."

"Ok, first of all, he's my father too, wiseass. Secondly, I don't think I need to take orders from some hypocritical scavenger who-"

"STOP IT!" Marco shouted, causing both of them to flinch. He noticed the looks on their faces as they turned away. Jam looked ashamed of himself, while Elizabeth looked resentful. Interesting, Marco thought. Good information for later.

"Both of you are acting like five-year-olds," he chided them. "I don't have time for this crap right now, and neither do you two." He turned to face Elizabeth specifically. "Now, what was it you wanted to ask?"

Elizabeth's glare stayed on Marco for a few seconds before she asked, "Why wouldn't you let us tell you why we were here or what our pasts are?"

"That's simple. I already know why you two are here, and I don't have time to listen to your lives' stories."

His words made both of the kids pay more attention. "Wait, what?" Jam asked, taken aback. "How do you-"

"Oh please," Marco interrupted him. "Star admits that she has a crush on me, the conversation ends badly, I leave to go fix the problem, and you two just happen to appear here. You two, supposedly my children from two different timelines: one where I'm with Star, and the other with Jackie. What an amazing coincidence, huh?"

Neither teenager responded. He was right, of course. They were there because of the Marco's romantic issues. If they hadn't been so short-sighted, they realized, they would have figured out that Marco had put the pieces together.

"But, dad," Jam asked, still unsure. "Don't you think that we need to talk about this as soon as possible?"

"No, Jam, I don't. Right now, I'm putting my romantic issues aside to help my friend. She's lost something very dear to her, and it's been two weeks too long since I've tried to make a serious effort to undo that. I just hurt her feelings horribly recently, and it's only fair that I try to make up for that." His gaze, one that had been cold with resolve, softened. "I understand that your existences matter a lot to you two, but I can't help you right now. Not until I fix this first problem." He turned around and started down the path again. "Besides, we're missing two major components."

Elizabeth spoke this time. "What do you mean? What components?"

"Glossaryck, for one. He'll know more about time travel and be able to give us vital information." He mumbled to himself, "So long as he isn't pulling his weird bullshit on us again."

"Huh?" Jam asked.

"Nothing. Secondly, we need to see your mothers. This is just as much of their problem as it is mine, and I need to hear their input first."

"Problem?" Both half-siblings sounded disgusted and hurt.

Marco rolled his eyes and faced them. "Your lives are in jeopardy. Wouldn't you call that a problem?"

"Oh, right."

So the trio continued onwards. There was little chatter, besides a few small feuds between Jam and Elizabeth. After three hours, they broke out of the forest and into a large clearing. What had once been forest was now a massive corn plantation. Acres upon acres of corn filled their view. Both Jam and Elizabeth's mouths were open, small pools of drool coming out. Marco heard a dripping noise and looked at the two. "What's up?"

"Corn," Elizabeth mumbled.

"Food," Jam mumbled.

Marco sighed. "I'll feed you two afterwards. Nachos, or enchiladas if I have the ingredients."

The two teens eyes grew wider and they looked at Marco, awestruck. "Really?" They sounded like he'd just told them they were getting puppies for Christmas.

Marco gave them an odd look. "Yes. Really. Now let's go."

The corn fields were empty, which unsettled Marco. A field this large would require several workers to be attending to it constantly, but there were no creatures around. A half hour later, they arrived at an entrance to a cave. Several wooden cogs, levers, cranes, and likewise machinery were connected to the cave. Torn up earth and mud lay around the entrance to the cave, which looked like some sort of mine, in a twenty-foot radius. The entrance to the cave was also abandoned.

Marco's voice shook as he tried to say, "I, uh, we need to, um…" he trailed off. His eyes started to dart all around him, looking for dangers.

"Dad?" Elizabeth sounded calm.

He blinked. "Ah, yes? What?"

Jam interceded. "Are you okay?"

Marco looked at the two of them, then shook his head. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just… stay alert."

And then they crept into the cave.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"No, Ms. Butterfly, I will not help you." Buff Frog replied. He sounded stern, and tried to get across to the young princess that his reply was the end of the conversation. Star disagreed.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeassssse, Buff Frog? Pretty please? With a nacho on top?"

Buff Frog looked disgusted at the notion of putting a nacho on top of a 'please'. "No."

Star groaned very audibly. After her conversation with Tom and Jackie, Tom had used his dimensional scissors to get them to Buff Frog's house (Star had visited once while Marco was sick). Yet after thirty whole minutes of begging and pleading, Buff Frog had refused to tell Star where Ludo's hideout was. Despite arguing that Marco was going to die and that Ludo needed to be stopped, Buff Frog had stayed stubbornly against her plan. If she died trying to save Marco, he argued, the whole realm would go to shit.

Star left Buff Frog to go talk with Jackie and Tom. They'd been making attempts at small talk, and each attempt had ended in awkward silences.

"So, how'd it go?" Jackie asked, eyes lighting up.

"No luck," Star huffed out.

Tom sputtered. "What!? I thought you said Buff Frog was your friend?"

"Sort of. It's complicated. He thinks that I'll die trying to save him, and that Mewni will go into chaos then."

Jackie shook her head. "How are we going to find the Lair, then?"

"I, I don't know," Star's voice broke. Her only idea had been to ask Buff Frog for directions and move from there. There was no other way that they could find Ludo in time. Her shoulders fell, and her body started to shiver. Despair didn't often overtake the young teen, but her failure to find Marco was about to take its toll. Her best friend was about to die because she had made a big fit over him not changing his feelings on the spot for her. Crushing self-hatred slowly seeped into her thoughts. If she hadn't been so stupid, so self-centered, this wouldn't have happened. The death of her friend would be on her shoulders. Her stupid, arrogant, ridiculous, weird-

Tom saw Star's reaction and got up. "No." Before either of the girls could ask, he stomped his way over to where Star had come from. A minute later, a scream broke the silence of the two girls. They started to get up, but as they were, Tom returned. He was sporting a big, vicious smile on his face and had a small trail of fire behind him.

"Right then." His voice was casual, as though nothing had happened. "The lair is one hour of mild hiking away from here, to the North-West. We might even be able to get there before Marco does."

Star narrowed her eyes. "What did you do?"

Tom shrugged. "Habits die hard. He'll be fine in about, oh say, a week?" He nodded. "Yep, about a week." Star's eyes grew fierce, but before she could speak, Tom interrupted her. "Hey, do you want Marco to die because we're all standing around like a bunch of jackasses, arguing about ethics?"

Star wanted to argue. She really wanted to argue. But Tom, damn him, had made a good point. Grudgingly, she muttered, "Fine, let's-"

"ARGGHGHGH!" Tom yelled at the top of his lungs. Jackie had kicked him in the nuts. She retracted her leg, looking upset.

"Janna always said that it would feel satisfying," She explained, guilt on her face. "But that just kinda felt… bad."

"Why! Why did you kick me in the balls?"

Jackie shrugged. "It's what Marco would've done if he were here."

Tom looked at her with a pained expression, then conceded. Star felt bad. She should have known that Marco would have done that. Tom stayed on the ground for another minute, then slowly got up. The three nodded, Tom still in pain, and they left.

True to what Tom had said, it only took them an hour to get to the lair. They arrived at the back entrance, a hole that led right into the ground. A wooden pulley system with a bucket attached led into the hole. Star let out a small sigh.

"Jackie, Tom, are you-"

"Yes, Star, I know what I'm getting myself into," Jackie interrupted her, irritated. She pulled out a small bottle of pepper spray and a stun gun. "I've kept these around in case we ever got attacked on another date."

Star looked unsure, but gave in and nodded. She looked to Tom. He shrugged.

"I'd like to see Marco again. He's interesting."

Star nodded. "Let's go."

#starco #jarco #star vs the forces of evil #stuff happens next time #i swear it

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lalka-laski · 4 years

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Have you ever had a really bad haircut? Yeah, like the time I got a lob expecting I’d look like Jennifer Lawrence but I actually looked like fucking Lord Farquaad. Did you ever order any clothes from the Alloy catalogue? We got those catalogues sent to our house all through my childhood! I loved leafing through them but we could never actually afford those clothes. What brand, color, and type is your favorite eyeliner? I hardly wear eyeliner but I have a few pencils in my makeup collection of various brands. Do you wear eyeliner? See above

Was there ever a time in your life when you couldn’t cry? HA, safe to say that has NEVER been a problem for me.

What’s your favorite type of yogurt? The texture of yogurt skeeves me out. Sometimes I like PLAIN greek yogurt with a little granola on top, but that’s rare. What posters did you have on your wall as a teenager? I went through a few phases. The earliest poster I remember was a shirtless JC Chasez (from Nsync) posed underneath a waterfall. Not the most appropriate choice for a 7 year old? I also remember once being so excited to win a Spice Girls poster at a fair. I brought it home and a few days later I walked into the living room to find my sister on the floor with a pair of scissors just cutting it into strips. TRAGIC! What are your favorite type of calendars? I don’t use calendars anymore but growing up I had them of various celebrities and characters I liked. Lots of Disney Princess ones, of course. Do you have a full-length mirror? The doors to my coat closet are both full-length mirrors When was the last time you bought stamps? I don’t think I ever have Do you have any overdue library books right now? No, although that’s one of my recurring dreams. (Or are they nightmares?!!) How often do you do laundry? Usually once a week Do you have a piggy bank? Nope Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? Funnily enough, that’s another one of my recurring dreams. I’m standing at my locker and completely blank on my combination and then I panic. What’s your favorite DIY crafts youtube channel? I’ve watched a few here and there but I don’t have a specific channel Could you spend hours on pinterest? Nah, pinterest annoys me Do you own plaid pants? Nope Have you ever had to wear a school uniform? No, but I always secretly wished I did. I was so stressed about fitting in and wearing “cool clothes” and a uniform would’ve eliminated that problem for me. What was your high school’s mascot? Titans What were your high school’s team colors? Blue & gold? I think?

Who were your best friends in high school? I had a few, all of whom are still really good friends of mine to this day

Who was your first boyfriend or girlfriend? His name was J.R. Which is funny because Glenn is also a junior and went by “J.R” occasionally growing up. Have you ever been to Chicago? Nope but I’d love to. Polski Pride! If yes, what do you like best about it? Have you ever stayed in a hostel? Nope Would you rather sleep on the top bunk or bottom bunk? Hm, that’s tough. I’d really prefer to just sleep on a regular bed if anything. Do you love camping? I do somewhat. I’m not exactly outdoors-y or adventurous but I have an appreciation for nature. Would you rather sleep in a tent or under the stars? I’d only sleep anywhere that had zero chance of critters getting to me What insects are you afraid of? Ladybugs gross me out to NO end. I don’t mind many bugs, but ladybugs can fuck all the way off. Have you ever had a secret admirer that left you notes? Mmm nope. Are you close with your cousins? My cousin Rachel is one of my best friends! Are you close to any aunts or uncles? Kind of. I honestly which I was closer to most of my extended family members. There’s so much weird hostility between everyone and I wish it wasn’t so. Are you close to your grandparents? I have very little memories of my paternal grandfather, although we apparently had a special bond. I was very close buddies with my paternal grandma though, right up until she died. And as for my maternal grandparents, we have a great relationship although I do wish we could be closer. Sometimes.

Who betrayed your trust? Blah... Who was your first best friend (apart from a sibling)? Sean What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? I loved ghost stories and all those stereotypical sleepover games like Truth or Dare. Oh, and my friends and I loved doing makeovers! What kind of popcorn is your favorite? SUPER buttery. Popcorn’s one of my favorite snacks and we eat it almost every night Does your town have a big fountain in it? Uhhh not that I know of What is your town known for? My city has a super high crime and poverty rate so WOOHOO for that. But we also have some really cool history and a fun art/music scene. Do you currently live in the city you grew up in? Mhm What’s one way in which you’re behind the times? I don’t understand a lot of modern slang and I avoid using it at risk of sounding like a try-hard. What’s one way in which you’re still a child? I’m obsessed with Disney princesses, I sleep with a teddy bear, and I’d eat Kraft Mac & Cheese for dinner every night if I could. What’s one way in which you’re old? Well being behind on modern slang as I mentioned above is one thing. I also can hardly stay up past midnight anymore. Do you feel old or young? Or do you feel both at different times? I certainly don’t feel old enough to be 28, that’s for sure How old are you? ^^ Do you know what you want to do for your next birthday? No clue yet. For one thing, it’s too far away to think about and secondly, who the hell knows what state the world will be in by that time? If yes, what is it? What is the last new thing you discovered that was really good? Glenn & I started watching this make-up competition show that is fascinating. The talent is mind-blowing! What would be the best surprise you could receive right now? If my work could shut down & I could quarantine for months again while still getting unemployment bonuses I’d be a happy camper Do you usually forgive when someone hurts your or try to get revenge? I’m all too forgiving. And I’m not clever enough to plot revenge Were there any subjects in school that were really easy for you? English If so, what? ^^ Did you ever skip a grade or get held back a grade? Neither What time of day were you born? 5:45 PM What is the best hairstyle you’ve ever had? This is currently the healthiest my hair has ever been. And I really do love the shade of it. Do you think you look better with dyed hair or natural hair? I haven’t seen my natural hair in ages. It’s a darker, more brassy shade of the blonde I have now. I definitely like my chosen color better. Do you think your look better with curly hair or straight hair? Wavy Do you have bangs? Nope. although I did for all of my childhood Do you think you look better with bangs or without? Without. I mean, I think I was a cute looking little kid but my mom definitely kept me in bangs wayyyy longer than I should’ve been. Do you think you look better with long hair or short? LONG, for sure. What’s your favorite rock band? The Killers Who’s your favorite country singer? I don’t care for it Do you ever listen to Celtic music? Mhm. I mean not regularly but I like instrumentals for studying/relaxing. Do you listen to Hillsong? Nope Did you try the unicorn frappuccino, and if yes, were you a fan? Nope and I am so thankful that I no longer worked at Starbucks when that was a thing Have you ever won a contest? None that I recall Have you ever wanted to be a model, actress, singer, or dancer? I always thought I’d make a decent actress, but anxiety got in the way of me ever venturing into that territory. And I do wish I could sing. When you look at your baby pictures, do you recognize yourself? Yep Has your hair color changed since you were a toddler? Actually, my current (dyed) hair color is pretty much the same shade I had as a toddler. Do you wear matching socks? When I have to wear socks, yes. How many drawers does your dresser have? Umm... four small ones and I think six large ones? Do you own an American flag shirt? Nope Do you own a British flag shirt? Nope Do you have a seashell collection? I did at one point but I have no idea what happened to it Do you have a rock collection? Actually I have a small collection of rocks I gathered a few months ago with the intentions of painting them and hiding them for others to find. (Spoiler: I did no such thing). Do you decorate for Halloween? Yep! Well, more for Fall in general but some of my decorations are ~spooky. What is your favorite thing to do in the pool? Anything! I love swimming and just splashing around. Flamingos or pineapples? You mean like for a pattern or print? Either one is fun for summer. Cacti or seashells? Both? Maple tree or palm tree? Tough! Again, I like both. Dreamcatcher or wind chimes? Dreamcatcher. The sound of wind chimes always kind of creeps me out for some reason. Have you ever taken a picture at the perfect moment? Yes! Do you have a crush right now? He might be a little more than a crush

What color was your first car? I don’t drive Was your first car used or new? Do you have a car now? What color(s) eyeshadow do you wear the most? I really only wear neutrals. I’d love to learn how to do more exciting things with my makeup but I usually play it safe

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nicoladoeschina · 6 years

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Old Friends and New Beginnings: October 19-26

There’s something about being in transit that allows me to relax.

The work and planning that got me here are in the bank. What’s waiting on the other side, for the time being, will have to do exactly that – wait.

In transit, all that’s left to do is be still.

My favorite thing to do on an airplane is take off into a dream. With my sleep mask on and eyes at ease during taxi, my mind listlessly flits between thoughts that seem to become slower and less interesting until sleep overcomes my consciousness as we ascend into the clouds.

When we’re almost there, I’m at once hesitant and ready. The sleepy interim sanctuary is coming to a close. I know that once we hit the ground, it’s game time.

I’m ready though. All the motions are familiar and ingrained like muscle memory. No matter where I’m arriving- old place, new place, or completely alien environment- the process is the same – collect my belongings, make my way through the hoops and past the hawkers, and successfully get a connection “home.”

What makes this step different than transit? It’s active. You have to put your brain to work. The short bursts come swiftly and require adept attention and skill.

Transit is passive – you’re passing from one place to the next with no involvement. In surrendering control you have two choices: stress or peace. I choose peace. Unless I have hold my bladder the whole time...which isn’t the case on an airplane or a train, thankfully :)

Anyway! So I’ve arrived back in China after a very extended and wonderful holiday!

6 weeks in Central Asia where I found bliss in beauty – natural, historical, interpersonal, and inside myself

And 8 weeks at home in New York where I fell in love with my roots – my family, my friends of old, and my hometown

All these experiences came together to buttress my deep appreciation for that all I have and what is yet to come.

Upon the rock solid foundation of my upbringing, I have gathered the building blocks for the life I want to lead and have arrived at the next adventure that will continue to help me build the tower. #BurjDubai. #Rowing #Ryan

SO ... let me finally dive right in to what’s been unfolding in these two weeks since I touched back down in China!

I hit the ground running. That is, until exiting the airport express where it took me 30 mins to get a taxi from Dongzhimen to Dongsishitiao...a 5 min drive but on a Friday night at 10pm... anyway I finally nabbed a black cab and shuffled my way through the hutongs to my hostel where I promptly fell asleep.

Since before departure, I packed my Saturday schedule with friend meet-ups. So starting Saturday morning I was whizzing around Beijing.

At 7:30am I was on the subway down to Chongwenmen to see the Doc at 8! He met me wearing an old-fashioned Mao shirt and hat, hot bowl in hand, to pick up some breakfast. We made our way to a bustling local breakfast joint where he collected the yums. At his home, we of course had tea with Tracy, and caught up about our summer holidays. We even munched on pomegranates. As he’s a busy Doc with a loaded schedule, by 9:30am I was headed out in a cab with the two large suitcases I had stored at his house all summer.

At 10am, I was back at my hostel and starting on the task of trying to downsize my possessions. As anyone can imagine, this was harder than it seemed! I only managed to put 3 sweaters into the donate pile, and sealed everything back up, unimpressed with my will power.

At 10:30, I set off on a bike to meet my now former-roommate, Emmie, for coffee in Dongzhimen. We had a really nice time! My salted caramel latte at Wagas actually had some pepper sprinkled on it too?! Very pleasant surprise. Anyway, Emmie and I had a great chat catching up!

At 12pm, we were both off to our next plans. For me, that meant going to see beloved Berit! At 12:30 we met at Dongdan station and headed up to Jingsu for a vegetarian lunch. I’m talking lots of greens, pumkin & egg dumplings, and olive & veg dumplings! Yum! After lunch, we walked to her new hutong apartment – it’s lovely! – and then back to my hostel where we picked up my camera and strolled over to Ditan park to enjoy the fall foliage for the afternoon. We then looped back around to my hostel because I desperately needed her help trying to eliminate somethings... I would up donating to her some more sweaters and hats. Still, not enough to really consider it downsizing, but hey, I tried! We hugged goodbye and I was off to the next meet up.

At 7pm, I was in a taxi headed up to campus to meet Phil from Ghana. He oh-so-graciously agreed to keep some of my luggage in his room while I’m in Hohhot for training. So I brought with me one large suitcase and my osprey backpack. Once we settled the stuff, we went for a walk out of east gate –which has totally changed! They shut down a lot of the thriving restaurants in favor of some weird artistic face-lift? Definitely government mandated. If that had taken place while I was a student... Tom and I would’ve committed mutiny, I swear it! Anyway, we grabbed some fruit and took a bench at the pond to admire the ducks and delve into some deep convo about China, life, and politics. Yeah!

At 9:30pm, I set off to meet Dennis! This meet-up was last minute because Emmie had conveniently told me Dennis was back in Beijing and I got so excited that I demanded he make time for me, and it worked JIt took me literally 30 minutes walking from campus to find a functioning OFO (I will dive into this later because the bike sharing industry fascinates me). Anyway, I eventually got on a bike and made my way to Boxing Cat! Boxing Cat is a famous brewery in Shanghai that recently opened in Beijing, and they were holding a grand opening party ... which I’ve since found out is there ump-teenth “grand opening” since July. But it was so great seeing Dennis! It had been 2 years since he left Beijing – coincidently I went to his going-away party just as I arrived to start my masters! It’s great that he’s back!! I love catching up with old friends!!!!!

Berit and Dennis are my friends back from 2013 and I will love on them forever <3

So that was my amazing amazing Saturday. It is incredibly rare for all of these people from different parts of my life to have free time exactly at the right time! I am so grateful for all the people in my life and for the blessings of planning :)

Sunday morning I was off to the airport at 6am to catch my 9am flight to Hohhot. Unfortunately, I didn’t check the baggage allowance, and wound up having to pay 240$ USD for my second big bag. Oh well, there was nothing I could do! Hopefully I will get that money reimbursed by the company.. fingers crossed!

I arrived in Hohhot to a LOT of smog and a LOT of gray and a LOT of construction. During my cab ride from the airport to my hostel, I could see that nearly every road in Hohhot is under construction... at the SAME TIME. They are simultaneously putting in the subway (2 lines), and elevated highways with beams reaching up in the middle of the major N/S and E/W roadways. It’s a nightmare, really.

But my hostel turned out to be a DREAM. It’s brand new, and beautiful. And there was even a beaming golden angel waiting in the lobby for pets! I was in heaven. Even more so when I got to my room and showered and got into bed for a much needed rest.

At 2pm, I communicated with my HR person about the housing situation for the next few months. She informed me that the other foreigner they hired (girl from Indonesia) had just secured a place in a good location, and that it actually had another vacant room. So I got in touch with her (Zhen Zhen) and planned to head over later in the afternoon to see the place.

At 4pm, I got into a taxi to meet Zhen Zhen and see the apartment. It was a very modest room in a big shared apartment of 7 rooms total, 1 bathroom (well kept), and no kitchen. The apartment is a 20 minute walk from Yili’s training school. At first I was a bit skeptical because I hadn’t seen any other apartments, but ZhenZhen and I came to the conclusion that it was the best option. Which it was! I signed the contract on the spot. My rent is 550 yuan per month. That is 80$ USD! Amazing!!!!!

The low-down from ZhenZhen about our new job was invaluable and I will explain it here.

Firstly, remember how I said Yili had hired 3 Malay, 3 Indo, and 1 American (me) for this pilot-year International Management Trainee program? Well, turns out it’s only me and ZhenZhen. The others either didn’t accept the offer, or initially accepted it until they found out they’d be training in Hohhot for three months. So Zhen Zhen and I are the only two foreigners – the first that Yili has ever hired!

Secondly, this training is LEGIT training. We have several weeks of classes in Yili’s training school where we will learn every facet of their business, culture, systems, and strategy, after which we have an internship rotation in Yili’s factories for two months – which will include 8-hour day shifts, and 13-hour night shifts – in every stage of production from lab work to packaging to shipment. In the factories we will be only observing, but the goal is that we will become very familiar with every aspect of their products from start to finish.

WHAT? Yeah that’s exactly what I said. But I’m so pumped for it.

On Monday morning, we were set to go to headquarters to meet our bosses. It turned out that we were to meet THE boss, the BIG boss, THE milk man himself.

So what do you know, on my first day I got to personally meet the CEO, one-on-one.

He’s a really nice guy! He had my resume in front of him, and we had a nice chat! As it happens, his brother’s son is attending GW in the school of business! My alma mater! Very cool coincidence. Then, it also turns out that his daughter is studying at Fairfield University in CT, and that he himself regularly goes to Stamford and Westport not only on business but for health reasons – ie, relaxing in the nature. Stamford is where my aunt lives, and it’s only 45 mins from my house! Another very cool coincidence! And then he said that he wants to take me to America to meet his family?! And asked for my WeChat and email?? It was so cool!

After the meet-and-greet, ZhenZhen and I had lunch at headquarters with one of the HR people, then got in a cab to the training school.

So there was a group of new hires that started their training back in July. About 60 Chinese hires. While Zhen Zhen and I are just beginning, they are just wrapping up. Fortunately, we had this week as overlap in the classes. They were all really sweet! Mostly girls – out of the 60 there were only 7 boys. No clear reason why, but no matter. Everyone was really really nice!

Class that afternoon went way over my head. What I learned is that there is a difference between understanding conversational Mandarin and understanding academic classroom Mandarin – where they not only use a plethora of vocab that I don’t know, but they also speak a mile a minute! I kind of just sat in awe and wrap attention trying to pick out some things. Thankfully, there was a powerpoint – a life saver!

Around 4:30pm, tiredness came over me like I’ve never been tired before. It was only then that I felt jet-lag. I knew I had been waking up very early, but other than that I felt great. Until that point. I had only arrived on Friday night, and it was only Monday afternoon – but it felt like I’d been back forever, and SO much had happened already! So when class ended at 5pm, I had to turn down invitations for dinner with the new friends. I had to. I have learned from experience, where I’ve tried to power through, that I can’t do it and only wind up becoming the subject of attention/pity at my pitifully lackluster tired state. So I bowed out and went to sleep immediately when my head hit the pillow around 6pm.

On Tuesday morning, I had to move out of my hostel and finally move into my new room! That meant taking a taxi around 7am to the apartment, dropping my bags, and immediately heading out to the training school. It was smooth going, thankfully.

At 8:30am Tuesday morning I had a meeting with the headmaster of the training school to go over the training program in brief. He is really nice! He explained to me the course that the other group had taken – first, they had military training for 2 weeks, then they completed their factory rotations for 2 months, and now they were wrapping up their 3 weeks of classes, and were all preparing for their small group presentations (to be held in Beijing) the following Tuesday. He informed me that Zhen Zhen and I were to follow the same program, though in a different order. He also mentioned that she and I’s training might vary in length, but he didn’t elaborate after that.

You can imagine that I was pumped and also saying what the fuck. Classes? Factory rotation? Cool! But military training?! I’m a foreigner??? What?!

So let me unpack this. China does not have conscription. However, in middle school, high school, university, and at some companies, every student must complete military training – which involves waking up at 5am to do exercise, drills, walking in step, and so on. The headmaster told me that the purpose for this is to teach everyone how to endure hardship and to ingrain the fundamentals of teamwork.

I get that. But still, I’m foreign? Logic? Anyway, it turns out that either I misheard him (even though I’m pretty certain he did tell me we’d have to do it earlier than later because of the impending cold weather) or the plans changed – because once the training school coordinator sent Zhen Zhen and I our schedule, it was obvious that we were booked through mid-January with no sign of military training. Yes!

At 9am, class beguns and I was off to scribbling down every word I didn't know in my notebook. Still, the speaker’s pace is way over my head but the PowerPoint is excellent. Bless.

At 12:30pm we got released for lunch. There is a cafeteria in the building where we all eat for freeeeee! Yes! I get to know more of the fellow students. Again, they’re all splendidly sweet! Feeling good.

At 1:30pm we started our next class. More ferocious note taking. I’m learning a LOT.

At 5pm we are finished for the day. I received a WeChat message from the CEO’s assistant, asking that I give her a call. What?! So I did. She’s very sweet. Her English is flawless. She wanted to tell me that if I need anything at all, I can reach out to her. She also wanted to get my feeling about going to the United States to work for Yili. I told her that after completing my training in Hohhot that I want to get experience working in their Beijing office for at least 6 months to really get to know the company before making any move home. But ultimately, I told her, she and the CEO are the boss and I’ll do what is needed of me, of course!

At 5:30pm I went to dinner with Zhen Zhen and the girls at our table for dry-pot and other yums. It was delish and I was NOT exhausted! Yes!

That night I started putting all the new vocab words into Quizlet. The best study tool! I love it! The data-entry at the beginning is tedious of course, but then the website itself has so many ways to learn and practice your new words. It is a dream.

I hit my pillow early again, as expected. It’s a good routine! Though definitely still the product of jet-lag.

I realized that given the time I going to spend in my room – I am definitely in desperate need for new bedding and furnishings. The hard lousy pillows and ugly sheets and blanket stink of smoke. Furthermore, there is no storage space for my clothes.

On Wednesday morning when I woke at 5am, I took to Baopals in search of new furnishings. My accumulated total for furnishing upgrades came to over twice my rent for this little room, but it’s a very worthy investment! Especially because my rent is so cheap :) and there’s not much to do here...

The location of the training school is in the west part of Hohhot, approximately 30 minutes in a taxi (on the highway) from the downtown area. It is conveniently a 20-minute walk to the training school. (The headquarters is another 40 min cab west of my place)

But there’s nothing around us to DO. Yes, there’s every kind of Chinese restaurant and food store and express shipment store, etc.

But in terms of activities? None. Literally none. And it’s cold outside. And the roads outside of my complex look like this.

So I made it my mission to make my room amenable to the large amounts of time I’ll be spending in it – ie: cozy and comfy and very me!

Later in the morning, 8am, ZhenZhen and I walked to school together to meet an HR person that was to take us for another health exam, required of everyone going to the factory. The hospital was huge and new, in the tacky but cool Inner Mongolian style. Though it smelled of smoke and Chinese medicine. We had to do 3 procedures. 1) Blood sample, 2) In one of the the weirdest things I’ve done, we had to do a stool sample – neither Zhen Zhen or I could poop soooo we had to use a q-tip to get a butthole swab! Very traumatic LOL. And 3) we did a chest scan thing. I don’t know why every physical exam in China requires those, but maybe it’s because I don’t know what it is or does.. you just have to hug an x-ray looking machine. Anyway, the trip to the hospital was a quick laugh in the end, and we were back to class.

Class was easier to understand because I had been studying vocab all morning after completing my shopping. After all, in business, the same words keep coming back around too. Yes! I’m understanding more!

During lunchtime, ZhenZhen and I had the task of booking our train tickets to Beijing for our first short “business trip”! Because the big group is finishing their training, they are giving presentations in Beijing to leaders at the branch there, where they’ll soon start working full time. ZhenZhen and I made to go along for the ride, because, of course, it will be very valuable to listen! I was not complaining at all! We were set to leave on Friday at midnight, and come back on Wednesday. Let me break that down – Saturday, Sunday, and Monday FREE IN BEIJING, then Tuesday listening to presentations in the morning and a farewell conclusion party for the big group in the evening? For us, it was like we were being gifted at the beginning instead of the end! Literally, gifts..

Back to school. A different department head gives each lecture. So in the afternoon, we heard from the guy that ran Yili’s Olympic sponsorship committee! Admittedly, I didn’t understand much of what he said, but he was definitely a compelling speaker and from his PowerPoint I added a lot of new words to my vocabulary list.

After class ZhenZhen and I went home, where we chilled and slept.

Thursday morning I had to miss class about eCommerce platforms (my favorite topic, unfortunately) and go with Zhang Na to the government offices to register for social insurance and for my residency. It was great to have her handling everything and not having to be responsible for it myself! What a relief!

We finished around lunchtime, and went to pick up ZhenZhen for a special lunch! Zhang Na took us for ice lamb hotpot! Apparently, the ice in the hotpot makes the lamb take on a different flavor. They also add some yogurt and red alcohol to the broth. It was delicious! Though Zhang Na made us each eat way more than we would have liked... I wasn’t complaining :)

That afternoon’s class was about sales channels. Lots of interesting stuff and new vocab.

Friday morning was our last class with the big group! The topic was about intellectual property rights in China, which I found incredibly interesting. The teacher was easy to understand and the topic very relevant. Happy Cola.

After class we took a big group photo.

Then we all headed home to pack for Beijing!

By Friday evening, only two of the items for my room had arrived, but that was OK because it gave me a lot to look forward to upon my return from Beijing. Everything would be in by that point so I could decorate all at once! Score!

At 10:30pm, ZhenZhen and I headed out to Hohhot East Railway station to get on our night train to Beijing!

What a serious whirlwind of a first week back in China! From seeing all the friends in Beijing on arrival, to moving to Hohhot and learning so so so much new stuff over the 5 days about how my life is going to take shape with this training and factory internship rotation, to again boarding a train BACK to Beijing for 4 day break? I am so lucky and happy and just doing it!!!! Ah! Amazing!

Stay tuned for Week 2!

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pilgrimbenham · 6 years

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Be A Man

Who comes to mind when you think of a “true man”? Maybe Chuck Norris, Arnold Schwarzeneggar, or Clint Eastwood come to mind.

Some people think a man is someone who can woo a woman while replacing an engine while disciplining his children while programming a computer, all before he smokes some ribs and deadlifts 800 pounds!

We all tend to see guys who like poetry or music or who are more of an ‘indoor guy’ as somehow less of a man.

Today we live in a day when our culture is blurring the gender lines and trying to erase manhood and womanhood. Gender equality has become gender neutrality. Young men are encouraged to be ‘genderless’: neutered men who don't know what it truly means to be a man. Some have responded to this by visiting the other extreme and think we have to have grease on our face to be a guy. But what does the Bible say?

Let's start in the book of Job.

Prepare Yourself, Like a Man

We all know what happens to Job, but as he was suffering, Job didn't know what was happening! We had the advantage of reading Job chapter 1, where we see that God was allowing Satan to test Job. Job never got to read Job chapter 1 during the trial! So in the thick of it, Job has lost his home, his children, his health, basically his wife, and his friends have offered awful counsel. And in Job 40, he's about to be taken behind the woodshed by the Lord:

Job 40:6-7 6 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said: 7 “Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me:

Did you catch what God said to Job? Prepare yourself like a man. What does that mean? The King James version renders this as: "Gird up thy loins."

What does that mean: ‘gird up thy loins’? We don't typically use that phrase with each other. "Hey Brian, I heard you have a new supervisor. You better gird up your loins, bro!" "Oh my wife is really being naggy. Pray that I can gird up my loins..."

That phrase in Job, found in the Septuagint Greek is the same word found in 1 Peter 1:13:

13Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

This was exactly the way in which the Israelites ate the Passover meal with their loose outer robe girded up about the waist with a girdle, being ready for a journey. Workmen, travelers, runners, wrestlers, and warriors all wore their robes tucked in so that they would be able to move more freely and without the risk of falling.

When Peter says "gird up the loins of your mind", we might use the phrase today "roll up your sleeves!"

Peter is saying you and I need to pull up the loose-hanging areas of our minds that may cause us to get tripped up. For some of us, that means thinking clearly, not with fear or doubt. For others, it is not allowing lust or inappropriate thoughts to drape around unchecked. For others still, it may be jealousy or rage or selfishness that drive their minds. Whatever thoughts you entertain, the loins of our minds need to be girded up.

When God tells Job to gird up thy loins, He's saying you need to be ready. You're going to have some work that only a man can do. In other words, God has an expectation for men.

Men and Women are Different

Men and women are incredibly different—as much as the court of popular opinion wants to blur gender. And we should celebrate the beauty of diversity in gender.

In a Harvard study of several hundred preschoolers, researchers discovered an interesting phenomenon. As they taped the children's playground conversation, they realized that all the sounds coming from little girls' mouths were recognizable words. However, only 60 percent of the sounds coming from little boys were recognizable. The other 40 percent were yells and sound effects like "Vrrrooooom!" "Aaaaagh!" "Toot toot!" This difference persists into adulthood.

Communication experts say that the average woman speaks over 25,000 words a day while the average man speaks only a little over 10,000. What does this mean in marital terms? . . . On average a wife will say she needs to spend 45 minutes to an hour each day in meaningful conversation with her husband. What does her husband sitting next to her say is enough time for meaningful conversation? Fifteen to twenty minutes--once or twice a week!

Men and women are different! We need to, like Job, understand that God has created men uniquely so that we would step up and lead!

4 Ways to Act Like Men

The church in Corinth was a very carnal church. There were arguments, factions, sexual immorality that they were proud of, people getting drunk during communion (on the wine itself) and a lot of confusion around spiritual gifts. Corinth as a city would be worse than Vegas today. To "corinthianize" meant to be someone who was a sexual deviant. Sadly, the corruption of the city meant the abuse of women: women who had lived in Corinth would probably all have #metoo on their social media statuses today. You could say “What happens in Corinth stays in Corinth!” And yet knowing this, the apostle Paul doesn't try to be soft on these men. He closes the book of 1 Corinthians challenging them with 5 exhortations:

13 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. 14 Let all that you do be done in love.

Did you catch that phrase: act like men? Let's use that as an overall blanket idea and then look at these other four challenges under that umbrella:

1. BE WATCHFUL.

Jesus admonished His disciples in the Garden, as well as all of His followers in several of His teachings, to watch. It means to be awake as opposed to being asleep. It is the Greek word gregereo, used twenty-two times in the New Testament. If your name is Gregory, this is what your name means: “watchful”. The Corinthians were always in a stupor, if they were anything, it was not watchful nor awake.

Biblically, we are to watch for the Lord's return. We are to watch and pray so that we do not fall into temptation. We are to watch out for apathy. We are to watch out for false teachers. We are to be watchful in prayer.

Many men are not sober-minded so like a drunk and passed-out watchman on the wall of the city, they have no clue that the enemy is invading. We need to be watchful over our families, if God has stewarded a family to us. We must be watchful dads who know who our children are friends with, and what they are listening to and watching. We must be watchful over what we are listening to and watching! Guard our hearts and guard our eyes. Be watchful. But secondly, Paul says:

2. STAND FIRM IN THE FAITH

More literally that should be translated "stand FAST". Paul warned Christians to stand fast:

In their liberty in Jesus (Galatians 5:1)

In Christian unity (Philippians 1:27)

In the Lord Himself (Philippians 4:1)

In the teaching of the apostles (2 Thessalonians 2:15)

Are you someone who is known as a "solid" guy? You are standing firm in these areas. You are standing firm in your freedom in Christ, not legalism. Standing firm in your relationship with other believers, in your walk with Jesus, and in the Word. You are solid because you are standing fast. You aren't blown around by every wind of doctrine, or legalistic notions, or being offended by your brothers, or shallow in your walk. Oh how the Corinthian church needed to simply stand firm! Notice what they are to stand firm in? THE FAITH. Not in 'faith', but THE faith. The bedrock of the Gospel. When we stand on the Gospel we won't fall for anything.

3. BE STRONG

We are admonished 33x in Scripture to 'be strong'. A more accurate translation here would read "be strengthened." We may feel strong physically, or mentally, but the reality is we are all weak. We need to be strengthened. We are told in Ephesians 6:10 to be strong in the Lord and the power of His might. In 2 Timothy 2:1 Paul exhorted the young man Timothy to be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.

Clarke points out: “The terms in this verse are all military: Watch ye, watch, and be continually on your guard, lest you be surprised by your enemies . . . Stand fast in the faith – Keep in your ranks; do not be disorderly; be determined to keep your ranks unbroken; keep close together . . . Quit yourselves like men – When you are attacked, do not flinch; maintain your ground; resist; press forward; strike home; keep compact; conquer . . . Be strong – If one company or division be opposed by too great a force of the enemy, strengthen that division, and maintain your position . . . summon up all your courage, sustain each other; fear not, for fear will enervate you.”

4. LET ALL YOU DO BE DONE IN LOVE

Imagine if the Corinthian church truly followed this command. They wouldn't be taking communion in a selfish way. They wouldn't allow sin to hang out in the church. They wouldn't be preferring themselves and being divisive, but would prefer others.

One pastor points out how love balances the other commands Paul just gave:

(1) Without Love you won’t be Watching with alertness, you’ll be Examining with suspicion (2) Without Love you won’t be Standing Fast, you’ll be Running Fast. (3) Without Love you won’t be Strong, you’ll be Weak. (4) Without Love you won’t be a Man, you’ll be a coward.

John Macarthur says this about love: “Love is something that admonishes and rebukes when sin is visible. In fact I just would call your attention to the fact that if you take the 16 chapters of 1 Corinthians and you take the 13 chapters of 2 Corinthians that totals 29 chapters written to straighten out one church. Now in terms of chapters that makes it the longest book in the New Testament. There’s no other book that has 29 chapters. The closest is Matthew and Acts but this one had 29 chapters because there was so much to say, because there was such a mess in Corinth. I don’t know about you but I’d rather not have 29 chapters written about me to try to straighten me out but that’s what happened in Corinth. The book is loaded with rebuke but it’s also loaded with love because, you see, it’s love that calls to righteousness, isn’t it?”

We need to act like men, to gird up our loins as men. Stop making excuses for your lack of involvement in the church. Stop playing video games and start expanding the kingdom. Stop looking at pornography and start reaching lost people for Christ.

Be watchful, stand firm, be strong, and be loving.

Is there an area of your life in this post where you are lacking? If we will do this--act like men--we will see our families transformed. We will be the husbands our wives delight in. We will be the fathers our children respect and want to submit to. We will be the employees that glorify and please God, and who earn a reputation of honest and godly. And a church of godly men will ultimately be a church that makes a difference in a corrupt and perverse generation.

Are you ready to gird up your loins like a man?

#men #man #manhood #gender #Jesus #church

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alexrascanu · 7 years

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How to Reach Your Potential: An Interview with Sarah Chaudhery

Sarah Chaudhery is taking part in the "How to Reach Your Potential" initiative, a series of 100 interviews with leaders who inspire Alex Rascanu and whose insights can help you reach your potential.

About Sarah

As a 6-year veteran of the Canadian National Rowing Team, Sarah Chaudhery’s (nee Bonikowsky) athletic career includes silver and bronze World Cup medals, two National Championship titles, a fourth place finish at the 2008 Olympic Games and a bronze medal at the 2011 Pan Am Games. Now practicing as a paediatric occupational therapist, Sarah is passionate about encouraging all people, regardless of age or ability to pursue their dreams both inside and outside of sport. Sarah recently published a book about her Olympic experience titled, “The Justified Jock: Faith and the Olympic Journey.”

Check out Sarah’s website and book at www.thejustifiedjock.com, and connect with her on LinkedIn and Twitter.

Alex: What is your life’s purpose?

Sarah: Above all else, I believe that every person was created for a purpose. The goal of my life is to find the ways I should be putting my beliefs and my faith into action. If I haven’t made a difference, lived in truth, loved others, and answered my callings, then I haven’t really lived.

Alex: What are the three things you’re most passionate about?

Sarah: At the core of my being, faith is what gives me my purpose in life. If we don’t have hope, we don’t have anything. Often people asked me how I got through Olympic training, competition, huge highs, and even greater lows. All I can say, is that training at that extreme level, broke me down to the point that I literally had to rely on God to get me through each day. It’s what brought me back to my faith.

Secondly, my family! Both my husband and daughter reinforce that purpose and drive. I feel so blessed right now!

Thirdly, I have always had this deep-seated burning desire for real justice and opportunity for people with different abilities. I grew up with a close family friend who has autism, and one of my first jobs as a teenager was working with a boy with Down Syndrome. Those two people changed my life forever!

Alex: How do you stay healthy? What’s your main health-related goal?

Sarah: Oh man… this is hard for me to answer right now as I re-develop this whole side of my life. Exercise used to be such an extreme for me. It bothered me that Olympians were praised for their dedication and commitment, but at the same time the level of activity is at such an unhealthy extreme. Exercise became something that was always quantified, judged, and measured (literally) to the minute. I had to record how many minutes each day I spent in different heart rate zones, and had to make sure I spent 18 hours a week at my base cardio level. That didn’t include sprinting workouts, weight training or pilates. When I retired from rowing, I struggled with really bad migraines. If I didn’t work out fairly regularly and intensely for the first 3 years, I would get these crazy migraines and not even be able to go to work (once for 3 days straight!)

Staying healthy for me has been finding the balance of new motivators; new sports (I have always been crazy about cycling… even before rowing!) and setting new goals that are healthy and appropriate. Then I had a baby and had to change all of that again. Now I’ve gone back to work and had to change it yet again… I’m still learning what healthy looks like with a little person and a job in the mix! I can’t just workout when I want to anymore. Everything has to be planned for! It took me a long time to accept exercise in little pieces. For a long time, if I couldn’t workout for at least an hour, it didn’t ‘count’ for me. And because it didn’t ‘count’, I couldn’t even get started. Now my mindset is like, “Okay. If we go to the park after work, I can put my daughter Zoë in the stroller and I can run there. Maybe today we’ll go to the further park.” I also use an activity monitor to track steps and stairs, something, which I used to think, was ridiculous. But I find it helps me make small choices about taking the longer route, or taking the extra stairs, or parking further away, and hopefully that counts for something, right?

Alex: How do you build wealth? What’s your main financial goal?

Sarah: I think the smartest thing I did was setting up an RESP for Zoë right away and shifting almost all of her baby bonus money into it each month. A little bit goes into our TFSA (we figured that buying a house was worth it for Zoë too!) It took me a long time to start my own RRSP, (I wasn’t eligible as an amateur athlete) but now that’s an automatic withdrawal too. I think if you can make it automatic, then you don’t ‘miss’ the money as much. We also believe strongly in giving at least 10% of our income back to church, and support other charities and causes that are important to us throughout the year. I worked for 3 years in a totally charitable organization, and I raised a lot of my own salary through donations. It taught me that there are different types of investment. At the end of your life, you want to know that you invested in other people. It’s really the best way to maximize your impact. We can’t all be the hands-on well builder in Africa, but think about the change you can affect in a whole community through those that are the hands and feet on the ground! So I guess what I’m coming around to again, is that sense of purpose. If I feel that I have been able to achieve my purpose, to take care of my family and to take care of others, than that’s money well invested!

Alex: How do you balance work and family life?

Sarah: Well… I’m sacrificing a bit of sanity right now, that’s for sure. I have a flexible work schedule, but my husband works the longer hours in the job with the steadier income and benefits. I really admire his ability to just do his job! He’s been at his company for 20 years now! I usually work from about 9:30 – 3:30 (I work in a lot of different schools) and then try to get Zoë early from daycare so we can have some quality time at home together. After she goes to bed, I do my paperwork each night from 9pm – midnight. Sometimes I feel like I’m burning the candle at both ends, but at the same time, I’m also the most productive and creative at night. I kind of enjoy the quiet of the house when everyone’s in bed.

Alex: How do you enjoy spending time with family and friends?

Sarah: My favourite day of all is Saturday morning! My husband Joe makes us breakfast, and we do the crossword together like a bunch of nerds, and Zoë sits on his lap and colours. Oh, and there’s lots of coffee. That’s heaven to me! Also, I grew up in the Mono Cliffs Provincial Park. My family does a lot of hiking together. The Cliffs are very central to us!

Alex: What has been the most fulfilling role you’ve ever had, or the most fulfilling project you’ve been involved with so far?

Sarah: Oh man… that’s a hard one to answer for me. The Olympics defined and changed my life forever in ways I could never have imagined. But at the same time, the experience and the end results were tough. We were fourth in 2008 by 0.72 of a second. Any one thing could have changed that day and we would be medalists.

Next I moved into a role that was definitely a calling and a passion project. I was the Director of Operations for More Than Gold, and facilitated involvement of hundreds of volunteers, churches and organizations in the 2015 Pan Am Games. That was fulfilling and immensely challenging. I learned so much that I will take with me forever. A Director of Operations has to know so many things! I felt vastly underprepared, but the outcomes were so amazing to see.

But now, I feel like I am really living out my dream. I’m finally satisfying that inward, burning desire to work with kids with different abilities that has always been inside of me. All of my kids are so unique and funny and different. Because I work in paediatrics, I see a lot of kids that are still undiagnosed. We are all trying to figure out how to help them be their best, and we aren’t limited by a whole lot of extra info or opinions. It’s a privilege to walk this part of a kids’ life with them.

Alex: What’s one career planning lesson that has made a significant difference in your life?

Sarah: When I retired from sport, all of my coaches were telling me how well set up I would be to find a job. Everyone was telling us that Olympians had all of these great qualities that would make them amazing candidates for any job. All of this is true, however it didn’t play out like that, and doesn’t for most athletes. We sacrifice a lot of real-world experience for sport, and many athletes have put off education as well. I was trying to move into the healthcare field, but I had spent two more years after I graduated, trying out for the 2012 Olympics, and had this gap of practical experience. No one cared about the Olympics… just that I didn’t have 3 – 5 years of direct experience. I put out 50 resumes and didn’t even get one interview.

I learned that careers are just like sports too. You have to build up from the bottom. It’s hard. Experience matters, and you have to earn it. There are no shortcuts. Within my career now, I am very excited about all of the professional development opportunities that are coming up. There’s so much room to grow, and I’m so passionate now about becoming a really good, confident and effective therapist. But they are all skills that need to be practiced!! It was really, really hard to come to terms with being at the very top of one part of my life, and then the very bottom of the next. But if you aren’t willing to acknowledge that, then you might not even get the opportunity to take that first step where you need to start.

Alex: What would you like your legacy to be?

Sarah: I hope the people that I’ve interacted with, and kids that I’ve worked with, will come away with a feeling of hope. I want people to think, “Wow, she really got me. She really listened.” I hope I can continue to start fresh with each person, and never be the person who limits their abilities, but instead lifts them up. I want them to have the same sense of hope and purpose that I’ve found!

Alex: Thank you, Sarah, for taking part in the interview! Thank you for your openness and insights!

Did you find one or more of Sarah's insights helpful? Are there any ideas or resources that came to mind as you read the interview? Please share your thoughts and feedback in the comments section below, and consider sharing the interview with a friend via social media or email.

Also, consider checking out the How to Reach Your Potential interviews with Trina Boos, Hamza Khan, James Tjan, Vlad Rascanu, Drew Dudley, Alexandru Holicov, Andrew Mizzoni, Christa Dickenson and Louise Adongo. Thank you.

#reachyourpotential #potential #purpose #interview #olympian #rowing #health #wealth #legacy

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